RFD Issue 76 Winter 1993

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A COUNTRY JOURNAL TOR CAY M E N EVERYWHERE

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. . . Between the lines Living at the end of the road can sometimes feel like living at the end of the Earth. While all of us here in the collective have chosen, in our own ways, to reside somewhat on the fringe of contemporary comfort as well as congestion, cracks of doubt will occasionally compromise our rustic resolve. Winter is the season when chores can must frequently feel like burdens and remoteness like isolation. Ant the earlier it arrives, the more ambivalence it breeds.

There were signs this year: a chilly rain that suddenly dampened enthusiasms the final day of the Fall Gathering, and the rapid coloring of foliage that followed hard upon. When The Mother trick-or-treated us with a teasing Halloween snow. She finally got our full attention. We sought out the plastic sheeting and wrapped the outhouse to minimize those rude, chilling gusts from below. The chain saw, serviced and rev­ ved to life after summer hibernation, seemed once again to be one of our most valued tools as we began to stock the woodshed.

Scurrying about at our tasks, some of us recalled the harshest excesses of Northern winters we have known and began to wonder if such could actually happen here. But our region is a more temperate zone, where the frigid tails of Alberta Clippers and the equatorial gales of the Gulf converge and both extremes are mitigated. And, true to form, the weather soon eased, and it was possible to once again garden in the nude — well, almost. Still, the goats are preparing their thicker coats and we don our sweaters more frequently. The light wanes daily as the whole landscape prepares to turn within, a time of latency and introspection.

We resident humans are also driven inside, seeking the warmth of the woodstove. And suddenly there is time to recognize the opportunities this season offers. We may be more confined, but the physical closeness prempts more personal interaction and group activity: singing and playing games, quietly reading and, of course, creating and devouring exquisite meals, then lingering contentedly around the table. Soon other friends will be joining us for Solstice revels as we ritually encourage the Earth to renew itself Even with its cruel costs, the essence of Winter is not loss but preservation, stewarding this small warmth until it once again expands in its inevitable cycle. Trudging up from the barn in the cold and the muck, one look up at the austere, barren beauty of the mountain can be enough to repair the cracks in our spirit, to be reminded that all seasons have their joys and just why it is we have made the conscious choice to be here in this truly remarkable place.

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One of the seasonal joys of living where we do is preparing this journal It. toil, can be a chore, but never really a burden. And it s one of the primary ways we can feel not at the end of the Earth but right in the center of things, connected to the wider community. One form that connection occasionally takes is a Call to Dialogue. Last summer we presented a piece by Harry Hay further explicating his concept of " Third Gender." A representative sampling of responses to that article is presented in this issue. The question of the continuing appearance of NAMBLA advertising in R ID has also generated much response which will be published this coming Spring. Response to our Reader Survey was also very gratifying and enlightening.

You'll find an analysis of the results on page 50. We'll try to use the information you've shared with us to more accurately tailor the magazine's contents to your needs and interests.

The second portion of our continuing retrospective of R ID 's tirst twenty years begins on page 30.

Our mail indicates that you enjoyed reading our first foray into nostalgia as much as we enjoyed putting it together. We inadvertently failed to note that Gabby, Stv, Vera and Sandy were responsible for compiling that section in the Fall issue. Thanks to them for an excellent job of editing. Cudos for this season's retrofeature go to Jan, Tom. Vera and Sandy. Another feature making its second appearance by popular demand is Down Home Erotica. Few items have garnered as much acclaim from the readership as that photo spread last Spring. So here's another batch of home-grown cuties. What a gorgeously varied congregation! (By the way, can you guess which of our featured "presenters" is actually a candidate for public office?!) And if you want to see more in a similar vein, get out your "Brownies" and start clickin'.

Over the last year, a growing number of people have been investing energy in an effort to establish a new intentional community somewhere near Short Mountain. Suddenly - in fact, much more suddenly than anyone expected -- pieces of that complex puzzle fell into place and, beginning 'Thanksgiving week, eight friends will take up residence in an as-yet-unnamed acreage just ten miles from SMS. Those of us at The Mountain share in their excitement just as we will surely share in their evolvement. We have not even begun to realize all the ways in which our new neighbors will enhance our life here. You can read all about the blessed event on page 10.

The collective - in an attempt to be as kind as possible to the planet ~ has recently investigated the possibility of using recycled paper when printing the magazine. We learned that the change would cost us 20% more in paper costs. This is money that might otherwise go to expanding the size and/or quality of future issues. As a reader-guided as well as reader-written journal, we are putting this question out for advisement by the larger community. Let us know how you feel about this tough choice. One other way that you can help to guarantee continued health and improvement of RFD is to purchase our tres-chic (that's French) T-shirts and tote bags. Consider them as gifts - for others or for yourself. You'll find a display ad telling all about them toward the back of the issue.

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RFD is an international magazine, with subscribers on virtually every continent. We really do live at the end of the Earth. We are everywhere! Whatever weather you are experiencing in your comer of the globe, we urge you to relish the cycles of nature and continue to find your personal way of living in harmony with them. When we next come to you, the first fruits of this season of quietude will be busting out in many forms some of them like the reproductions that grace this page. What glories we have to look forward to.

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Peace and Joy,

The Short Mountain Collective

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76 RFD is a reader-written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life-styles. Articles often explore the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay m en ’s experiences.

Editorial responsibility is shared between the Department editors and the Managing E ditors. The business and general production is centered at Short Mt. Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by different groups.

RFD (ISSN # 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $18 per year by Short Mt. Collective, Rt 1, Box 84A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095.

ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exem pt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services Seattle, Washington.

Member: CLMP (Council of Literary Magazines & Presses) IGLA (Int’l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.)

INDEXED by A lternative Press Index PO Box 33109 Baltimore. MD 21218

department

editors

BOOK REVIEWS KITCHEN LH KEN Garland Terry, OR Buddy May, GA B R B PEN PAL LUNAR CALENDAR James Creagh, TN Moonhawk., GA FICTION POETRY J anN athan Long, TN Steven Riel, MA GARDENING SPIRITUALITY Greengenes, TN Dan Leatherman, IN BROTHERS BEHIND BARS Len Richardson, OR

FRONT & BACK COVERS Mark Kuszmaul INSIDE FRONT COVER Scot D. Ryerson INSIDE BACK COVER Stephen Baratz

A Subscription to RFD saves you money and really helps us.

SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

c o m e rs

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ARTICLES A New' Community is Bom A Country Journal Entry Living on the Body of the Mountain A Day with Mt. Whitney A Million Jockers, Punks & Queens Tied Up & Fucked Like a Pig Gentleman's Choice

10 20

Phil Sylvan & Robin

27 28

JanNathan Long Carter Rose

42 52 57

Stephen Donaldson Raphael Sabatini Steven L. Berg

BOOK REVIEWS

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BROTHERS BEHIND BARS

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CALL FOR DIALOGUE Responses

CONSCIOUS NEWS CONTACT LETTERS

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CULINARY Kitchen Queen Baker's Buns

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Buddy May Peter Baker

FAIRIE ARCHIVES

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Goat Boy e

FEATURE Recalling Former Decades

30

JanNathan Long, Tom Seidncr, A. Vera Sandorfag

60 61

L. D. Little Francine

24 26

Dancing Mane

FICTION Pet Obsessed The Naming Ritual

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GARDENING Maple Orgasm Seed Swap

GATHERINGS

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LETTERS TO THE EDITOR

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LUNAR CALENDAR

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Moon Hawk

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Sandorfag & Scott Keisha Lorraine

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PHOTOGRAPHY Down Home Erotica Keith Gemerek Portfolio

POETRY My Friends House Love Poem The Poetry of Edward Mycue I Hear the Faeries Calling

REMEMBERING

29 45 47-49 60

Rob Kaarto leopard David Anthony Allen

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RED READER SURVEY RESULTS

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JanNathan Long

Gay Spirits Visions Conference 44 Interview with Tom Spanbauer ,...... . 46

JanNathan Long JanNathan Long

SPIRITUALITY

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Ron Abray t is 63,64 47-49 Alladres 60 David Anthony Allen Peter Baker 17 Joe Balestreri I5 Stephen L. Berg 57-59 Dancing Mane 24 Stephen Donaldson 42 Don Engstrom 3,66 61 Francine Keith Oemerik 53-56 (•oat Boy 68 41 Manfred Ibel Jim Jackson 52 James 44.45 69-74 Jay 29 Rob Kaarto Leopard 45 60 L. I). Little JanNathan Falling Long 27,30-32,44-46,50 Michael A. Lutes 63 16 Buddy Mav 67 Mish Moon hawk 21 67 Giovanni Mucci 47 Edward Mycue 41 Northwind Stehpen Riel 62 Robin 6, 20 Carter Rose 28 52 Raphael Sahatini 38-41 Sandorfag 40 Scott 32 Tom Seidner Eugene Selandra 8,9 41 James Sims Glenn L Sit/.man 65 46 lorn Spanbauer 20 Sylvan A. Vera 35-37 10 Phil Woodward

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RFD, How delighted am I to have discovered your magazine, happened to borrow the Spring issue from a friend who discovered it. 1 have often said there ought to be a more down to earth magazine without all the sleaze and multiplicity of advertising. But more importantly a publication for those of us who by choice live in rural America. Please don’t lose sight of your original objectives.

In regards to objections noted in the letter “The Wonderful World of Stereo­ types," in theSummer ‘93 issue, I agree that < perhaps less emphasis on the stereotypical V * 1would be most prudent. Or are we just ^m isinterpreting? Perhaps using such terms as “Kitchen Queen” is more in the line of humor or merely drawing the reader to the column.

Our segment of society in this country must tone down all this outrageousness if we are to lx: accepted as peers and equals because it truly gives the heterosexual populace a poor impression or perhaps incorrect view of what the majority of us are all about. Let’s all live in the mainstream of life to the fullest as many of us already do here in rural America. Just keep in mind, “we • all put our pants on the same way." True, we 1 have great power in our individuality, we each have our own image. All the individualities is what has made America the great country that it is. Dictate we must not, x ] blend we must, as in the “blended family." N Let us be the cornerstone of the "melting pot” of all the social diversities in this great land.

Congratulations RFD on your art work and photography, it retlects very well on the Victorian, Art Deco. Realism, Modem Art, etc.

Keep up your good work on your j reflection of the past 20 years. It will help bring us new subscribers up to date with w here you started from and perhaps where the publication is headed.

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or wrong. The issue is how our personal freedom to choose how we live our lives is they couldn't care less about our more conservative doctors, lawyers and soldiers. being threatened when laws are made I'm not saying there is anything prohibiting us from ac actions which do not wrong with flamboyancy, nor am I saying hurt the person or property of another.

I agree with Joseph Ditto Jr. when hethe gay community should go back into the closet. I am saying that we are being very stated in his letter that "...there are no rules to selfish, small-minded, and ignorant when we being gay." But, as he wrote earlier, "...we all share a common sexual orientation," and it expect our outlandish actions to invoke the is just that which our oppressors wish to take public into shouts of: "Okay! Okay! You can away our rights to. It is this "common sexual have sex legally! You can get married! You can even adopt children!" We are committing orientation," that is the jssue, and though a slow suicide with our own blatantly there are many differences in the gay American self-absorption and inability to see community, Pat Robertson doesn't really care the other side. about that when he and other fundamentalists compile their material against the gay This is no game. We are talking about our rights as human beings! We are community, using only the more flamboyant, shocking sides to our community as ^ going to have to educate ourselves more and ^ learn better ways to deal with this crisis. No examples. o group have ever gained acceptance before Many modern leaders of social ^ gaining tolerance first. revolutions claim that a little shock is necessary to accomplish the goal. But, we Save the dress for the stage or for privacy, and keep the whips and chains in the don’t see too many people running out to buy bedroom. We have to stop being so god­ Rush Limbaugh literature (pardon me, trash) damned selfish and learn a bit about sacrifice. if they did not agree w-ith him before, and his Not only for ourselves, but for the gay prime weapon is shock. All Rush Limbaugh children of America who don’t know if they manages to do is give hateful, fundamentalist should conform or kill themselves, and for community a better sense of complacency, our gay family of tomorrow. while those he bashes grows angrier and more desperate. He doesn’t change anyone's D. David Politte mind. He only promotes ignorance and Ironton, MO complacency to the ignorant and complacent.

The same can be said of the tactics Dear People, used by the activists of the gay community.

I’ve thought for a long time that RFD We all love to see our own radicals in the is fabulous so I thought I’d finally sit down spotlight in their leather and lace, but it does and tell you so. little to change the opinions on the anti-gay I do have one small quibble though: side of the fence. (I'm not saying all gay I’m annoyed by the letters to the editors rights activists conform to the gay criticizing RF'D’s content. What do these stereotypes, but we don't see as much of people think that “reader-written” means? them as we do our radicals, do we?)

Who relieved them of the responsibility for Yes, I am aw are that most of the submitting something better if they don’t like homophobic people in America will never w'hat’s published? Why doesn’t every bitchy change their opinions. But, we are not letter with no attached article get tossed in the dealing with only homophobes. We are recycling bin immediately? dealing with people who are anti-gay PLUS anti-pornography PLUS anti-individualism Hugs and kisses, PLUS a number of other things the gay Kent Asmussen community supports and uses on its political Eugene, OR platforms. To put what I'm saying into better perspective. I’ll explain. Here in front of the W'hite House we have a gay man (there is the Dear fellow brothers, anti-gay case) wearing less cotton then we find in an aspirin bottle, leaving nothing to I recently received my twentieth the imagination (there is the anti-pornography anniversary issue of RFD, and would like to case) and is wearing lipstick and fake eye­ thank you all for another job well done. lashes (there is the anti-individualism case. I When I first saw the issue, I thought to know he doesn't sound very fashion myself, "Has it really been twenty years?" conscientious, but we see all of this on Anyway, I would like to share with you my different people at any gay pride parade). profound feeling of appreciation to the staff at The human mind can only withstand RFD for their long-term commitment to so much shock before it becomes disgusted . maintaining a means for country/spirituallyand enraged, and those with little mind in the minded gay men to share their feelings and first place don’t need much to go on. ideas, as well as to network with each other.

The anti-gay community doesn't see individuality in our community, nor do they James A. Sims want to. As long As they can clump us into Buckeye AZ one big moral-lacking, promiscuous group.

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Dear RFD, V* I think many of us are forgetting the actuality regarding the country we are living in. We are living in nothing short of a mockery of tme democracy and freedom, and no amount of flag waving or pledges of allegiance will change that. While 1 am a firm believer in the fact that America was NOT ' FOUNDED ON Christianity, we should not be ignorant of what America is today: a haven for radical, fundamentalist idealism where the line between church and state grows thinner every day, and the fear of living in a dictatorship grows stronger.

The issue is not whether or not homosexuality is a genetic trait or if it is right

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Greetings, I’m a grad student in Iowa City who is longing to move out to the country. I was introduced to RFD by some of the guys who got the magazine started here twenty years ago. RFD is wonderful and has been important to me in the formation of my queer identity. I both admire and envy you Short Mountain men and the lives you lead. I hope someday I’ll be able to do the same thing.

The parts of RFD I enjoy the most are “Living on the Body of the Mountain” and the “Country Journal.” The garden section is also great and so are the photos throughout.

The fiction is often quite hot and sexy.

I just want to let you know that I appreciate what you are doing. RFD is a quality zine in a world of slick and slippery rags. I hope to contribute someday soon and will be in touch.

Mark Iowa City, IA

RFD welcomes letters from our

readers; we need to hear from you. We strive with each issue to create a magazine which is unique. If there is an article you particularly liked or disliked let us know, or better yet write something and submit it.____________

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The General Store serves much the same function as a bulletin board at your local Natural Foods Coop or grocery, if you have a service that you think can be of use to RFD readers or a need that could be met, please send it to us here at the magazine.

Counseling, readings and hypnosis in person or taped phone sessions talk live with gifted psychics. House of the Dawn, PO Box 637, Yarnell. AZ 85362 602/427-3112.

Experience The Reverend Dinky Doobreath Show in the safety of your own home! This debut release features the Faeriepunk hits "The Reverend Dinky Dogbreath Song," "It’s Hard When You’re Hard," and "Fun to be Fern" and a dozen others. Send $7 (includes postage) to Pete Sturman, 5131 Seven Lakes West, West End, NC 27376. This is not a rip off. Fags Rule!

PANTHEOS

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IN SEARCH OF Are you looking for someone you have lost contact with, a gay brother who may read RFD ? Send us the information in as few words as possible and we will print it in three consecutive issues.

Please refer to due dates on the information page for submissions. “ Osceola. Probably from Long Island. Please send Address so I can respond to your letter. A. B. , P.O. Box 149, Dublin, New Hampshire 03444. “ Chris Robison, pop/rock performer who produced albums of thoughtful and sprightly gay music on his own Gypsy Frog record label in the late '70's or early ‘80’s. Contact Vera, Rt. 1 Box 84A, Liberty, TN 37095 (615) 563-4397. “ Richie Gaeta, last seen in Chicago.

Contact Mark Kuszmaul c/o RFD.

ThiS and T hat TAPES AVAILABLE ON JAIL/PRISON RAPE Prisoners wondering how to deal with either the threat of sexual assault or its traumatic consequences can now get practical information from audio tapes made by ex­ prisoners specifically for males confined in jails and prisons.

The Prisoner Rape Education Project consists of a 27-minute audio tape {An Ounce o f Prevention) emphasizing sexual assault avoidance tactics, intended for use in prisoner orientation programs; a 90-minute audio tape (Becoming a Survivor) for prisoners emphasizing survival issues for victims of sexual assault in confinement; and a 46-page manual for staff (Overview fo r Jail/Prison administrators and Staff), th e second tape.

Becoming a Survivor, is available to victimized prisoners at no cost. There are Spanish versions of both tapes. The project was established to provide practical information on a terrifying and growing problem in penal and detention institutions across the country.

Project materials may be ordered in sets or individual from the Safer Society Press, P.O. Box 340, Brandon, VT 05733.

A full set costs $20, plus S5 shipping Tape I is $5 plus $3 shipping, tape II is $* plus $3 shipping.

Stop Prisoner Rape, an organization founded and run by former prisoners may also be of help to inmates. They can be reached at SPR, P.O. Box 632, Ft. Bragg.

CA 95437.

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National pagan gay men’s personal networking Newsletter. Send stamp for info: Pantheos, PO Box 9543, Santa Fe, NM 87504.

HAND PRINTED PERIODICAL The only hand set and hand printed periodical in the country is now being published by Christiansbrunn Brotherhood of central Pennsylvania. The newsletter is hand set with lead type and printed on a handoperated printing press at the cloister.

Published quarterly, the newsletter will present the teachings, history and activities o f the Harmonist Brothers who live at the 63 acre cloister. T he order is the only gay religious order in the country specifically for gay men.

Self-sufficiency, the raising of rare breeds and seeds, using oxen as draft animals, preserving food, preserving local Pennsylvania Dutch farming traditions, sustainable agriculture, Dutch recipes, building with logs and timber frame, living without electricity, columns by the Brothers, hymns, stories and other ideas will be featured on a regular basis. The newsletter costs $15 annually and includes Associate membership in the Brotherhood. For a complementary copy write: Christiansbrunn Brotherhood, RDI, Box 149, Pitman, PA 17964

SPIRIT MAPS: A learning project WHAT h a v e : YOU LEARNED ABOUT LIFE LATELY? To every one whose life has been affected by HIV. we are interested in knowing your responses to this question. You are welcome to answer as often as you like in any of the suggested ways. All response will be exhibited (anonymous, if you wish, and completely uncensored) as part of a major installation by artists Philip Blackburn and Donald Engstrom to be shown at Intermedia Arts Gallery. Minnesota, in April 1994.

Thank you for your time, wisdom, and spirit.

Choose some suitable material (cloth, paper, card. wood...),trace around your hand, cut out the shape, and inscribe your response. Then mail vour hand by March 21. 1994 to : Spirit Maps. PO Box 80788, Mpls, MN 55408. USA Call 612/825-5532 and leave your response as a voice-message.

Send your response via E-mail to: klin005 l@student.tc.umn.edu Or GayNet. You can also contribute by simply keeping the question in mind as you go about your daily life.

CONSCIOUS NEWS

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On election day in November, voters in Cincinnati overturned the city's law protecting non-heterosexuals from discrimination. In response, a Colorado-style boycott of the city has been called and lawsuits to have the matter determined in the courts are being initiated. The organizers of the boycott have targeted 4 major corporations based in Cincinnati and ask that people of goodwill refrain from buying their products.

Those companies are: General Electric, Chiquita, US Shoe, and Proctor and Gamble. Refusing defeat, adorable spokesperson for the boycott effort, Gregory Gajus, said to this reporter, "It ain’t over till it’s over". In a deliciously ironic twist to the election results in Cincinnati, lesbian Roxanne Qualls was elected to be the city's new mayor, although her sexual orientation was largely unknown to the voters until the day after the election. Asked on a radio call-in show if she was a lesbian, Qualls said that she was but that it had nothing to do with her ability to govern the city. Long-time gay commentator Gabby Haze later remarked, "there's that horrible apologetic tone again. She should have responded to the question by saying 'yes I am and it can only make me a better mayor’ I mean, honey /! ”.

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Evidence is mounting that regular, indeed frequent erections are a necessary component of our overall physical \ / health. Sturdy and unconstrained flow of blood through all veins and arteries is crucial to the health of bodily tissue, as blood carries new oxygen to the tissues and helps carry away waste and detrita naturally accumulating as the body deals with its constant cellular transformation. When not engorged, the penis is not receiving copious reoxygenation and cleansing that occurs at optimal levels when the penis is erect.

Researchers at Boston University have estimated that most men experience four or five 45 minute erections every night during sleep, and suggest that this behavior may be the body’s self-supporting method of supplying the penis with needed oxygen. They further recommend that it may be healthy to have erections during waking hours as well. Maintenance of virility is thus directly enhanced by practicing virility. Waste no time. If you want to keep it hard in the years to come, keep it hard as a part of your daily hygiene and exercise regimen.

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There is very good news regarding the expansion of the organic food industry. The news is so good, in fact, that several large corporations have developed an appetite for the organic market, which may be bad news when looked at from the “small is beautiful” economic organization perspective.

Awareness of the health issues and the taste issues of organic vs. commercial food is increasing dramatically, leading to a fourth consecutive year of double-digit growth in the sale of organic food. 1992 saw a 15% increase in organic sales for a total of 1.4 billion dollars, and overall production of both fresh and processed organic food is growing 20% to 25% annually.

Purveyors of toxically-grown food products, Welch's Inc. and J. M. Smuckers Co. have recently seen the incredible opportunity for profit in these markets and have purchased Cascadian Farms and Knudsen & Sons, respectively. The advertising, marketing, and distributing power of these large corporations will make it possible for more people to find and purchase organic products, and that is hopeful news for the health of all people. Yet do remember to support your local growers, distributors, and shopkeepers who are involved in the organic food market. Part of a healthy life is having democratic participation in the economics of your life.

The League is firm in making clear that Peace is not simply the absence of war and organized violence. It is, rather, an active and positive Idea, a state in which life is affirmed and celebrated. As they themselves state, “Even when there seems to be peace, quiet deaths from starvation, poverty and disease are as real and deadly as battlefield deaths from bullets and bombs.”

In addition to counter-recruitment, the League is also primarily focused on disarmament, shifting federal budget priorities, Stop War Toys Campaign, local organizer training and support, feminism, anti-intervention, other international and domestic issues, and war tax resistance.

The War Resisters League has named long-time African-American lesbian activist, Mandy Carter, the recipient of its 1993 Peace Award.. Carter, currently a public policy advocate for the Human Rights Campaign Fund, the nation’s largest lesbian and gay political organization, has been involved in progressive grass-roots political organizing for more than a quarter of a century.

During the 1970’s, Carter was active in the Peace Movement, serving on the staff of the War Resister’s League and playing an instrumental role in organizing demonstrations to end the U.S. destruction of Vietnam. In 1990, she was director of North Carolina Senate Vote '90, an independent political action committee supporting Harvey Gantt's attempt to defeat arch-conservative Jesse Helms. She is also an elected member of the National Steering Committee for Stonewall 25, the major celebration of queer history and political strength to be held in New York City this coming June.

In response to being notified of her award, Carter said, “In silence and secrecy, lesbians, gay men, and bisexuals have served in every struggle for peace, civil rights, and social justice that has ever moved this nation forward. As one of the many African-American lesbian and gay activists who was politically born in the peace and justice movements of the 1960’s and 70’s, it is extremely gratifying to now be honored openly.”

Unlike the mainstream gay and lesbian political organizations, including, ironically, the Human Rights Campaign Fund, the War Resister’s League is not engaged in facilitating queer participation in the armed forces. They work to dismantle, utterly, the military institution and its enormous machinations, and to create peaceful and pacifacient alternatives to participation in that institution. In fact, one of the League’s current programmatic activities is counter­ recruitment. One wonders if the League’s choice of Ms. Carter to receive its 1993 Peace Award was made, in part, as an encouragement to the queer community to choose the path of anti-militarism instead of the path of inclusion in the military machine. As has been said now many times in this column, let us celebrate a free and polymorphous joyful sexuality wherever it evidences itself, including the military, but let us also be diligent in rejecting the spirit of militarism itself. Queer is about love. Let’s make love, not war.

The War Resister’s League has been encouraging love not war since its formation in 1923, 70 years ago. The original hope, vibrantly alive today as well, was to create a mass movement against war firmly rooted in a philosophy of Gandhian. nonviolence. The goal is a truly democratic society free of war, racism, sexism, and human exploitation. This year's Peace Award affirms the League’s support of liberation for people of all sexualities.

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RFD has recently received the newest edition of the War Resisters League’s well-researched and accessibly-written manual on refusing war taxes. War Tax Resistance, A Guide to Withholding your Support From the Military, is a practical and encouraging how-to manual for those seeking a way to withdraw from financial entanglement with the war machine. In a series of inspiring and articulate chapters, this book lays out the fundamental principles underlying the refusal to pay taxes for war, gives a history of such movements in both the United States and around the globe, explains the nuts and bolts of the various tactical options available to the tax-resister with all of the legal consequences and procedures made clear, illuminates a variety of personal stories, and describes a host of actions (both public and private) taken by political activists around the issue of taxes and budgetary priorities.

There are many ways to protest government taxing and spending priorities, and the book allows for a broad spectrum of philosophies and tactics and possible consequences for individuals seeking to use tax refusal for practical and moral reasons. A great many people and numerous organizations have waged quiet and noisy battles against the tax system, with successes and failures of different kinds. If you would like to explore this mode of protest, and find out more about the people and groups involved, this helpful book may be ordered from: War Resisters League 339 Lafayette St. New York, NY 10012 or

New Society Publishers 4527 Springfield Ave. Philadelphia. PA 19143

BREITENBUSH GATHERING The 13th Annual Winter Gathering of Radical Faeries at Breitenbush Hot springs will be held the weekends of February 18-21 and 2527. Breitenbush is about 90 miles from Portland, Oregon. On the property are meadow hot spring pools, medicine wheel hottubs, hot steam sauna, Breitenbush River, a magnificent old lodge, 42 cabins, a gorgeous sanctuary, sweat lodge, and assorted other structures. In this nurturing, peaceful, healing space we will enjoy ritual, dancing, soaking, fashion show, talent show-, heart circles, and all the other elements of faerie magik. Contact Riversong at 206/357-4503 or 754-1703.

SHORT MOUNTAIN BELTANE BASH The Short Mountain Community will be hosting their annual spring gathering from April 29th to May 8th.

We will celebrate by weaving a may pole, doing rituals, workshops, play, flawless drag, and whatever you bring, the gatherings are w'hat we make them. Vegetarian meals will be served. Wimmin and children are welcome! Cum early for the pre-gathering workweek and see w hat our life is really like, the dates for that are April 22nd-28th.

Contact SMS for details.

NEW GATHERING SITE IN VERMONT In the summer of 1993 three faeries started a new fairy sanctuary in central Vermont in rural Northtield, 12 miles from Montpelier.

Named Destiny l odge, this retreat center was grounded with the intention of cultivating country queers, sponsoring rural retreats for urban faeries and giving birth to faerie sanctuary in the Northeast for the "re­ invented" people. To date three gatherings have happened: a mid August festival, the All Hallows live event and the Harvest gathering in late November. Write or phone for more information (under Vermont contacts listing).

— having a quorum of North American residing faeries express interest in attending a European gathering and faery mission abroad... It would be great to have at least 10-15 North American faeries for a first European gathering. Please let us know if you are interested in such a gathering.

— the names and addresses of any European or European residing friends that you feel might be interested in receiving information about the gathering.

— any SPECIFIC places that you might know of for use as a GATHERING SPACE. The feeling at the circle was that it may be challenging in Europe to find a space with enough privacy where a gathering can feel safe from outside intrusions.

— your comments about the proposed GATHERING SCHEDULE. The circle seemed to think that most faeries coming from North America would like to have some time for tourism as well as for a gathering.

In addition, we thought it would be a good idea to have two 3-4 day gatherings in two different countries in order to reach to as many of our European brothers and sisters as possible. Therefore, we have as a TENTATIVE idea to first have a 3-5 day gathering somewhere in Great Britain followed by five days free for tourism then meeting again for another 3-5 day gathering in France or Germany Please send your ideas, suggestions expressions of interest, etc. to:

STONEWALL 25/GAY GAMES IV We were at the rebellion. And we will be there for this commemoration at the U N with a rally in Central Park, as well as the week long series of events for Gay Games.

We need to be focused for our energies to be a presence. What are your plans? Organize, plug in to these international events. We raised some energy in D C , but let's be an event in NYC! Any ideas? Faerie Cheerleaders? Tribal Gathering? Co­ ordinator of information: Keisha Lorraine 7128/625-7571.

EUROPEAN EVERY GATHERING Yes the dream is still alive to have a gathering in Europe! Here are some of the needs of the organizers to make this dream a reality.

John Ferguson, Noordeindsew-eg 107a, 2651 LG Berkel en Rodenrijs, The Netherlands, fax 011 31 1891 20404.

NEW ARIZONA GAY SPIRIT/ EAERIE GROUP FORMING A new organization, KORYDON, has been formed to provide Arizona gay and bisexual men who share ideas, philosophies, interests and lifestyles focusing on male bonding/spirituality, earth honoring, faerie consciousness, community development, self-sufficiency and environmental awareness a means of, and opportunities for connecting, associating, interacting and networking with and among each other. For more information write to their address listed under Contacts.

8

ARIZONA RADICAL FAERIE NETWORK We here at the Arizona Radical Faerie Network have undergone radical changes as some of you who have written us a long time ago and have not received a reply until now could have guessed.

We are not only back, but we are now computerized. So , unless mercury goes retrograde and causes the P.C. to go pop, we will have available to those who want, the most efficient information possible regarding other networks, groups, classes, stores, dates, times, places, and most important... people.

Why don't you take a moment and help us in expanding our database??? Jot down your name, address, phone number, background etc. Anything that would help us best serve you in matching you with others. Also if you know of any organizations, workshops or people in your area send it to us (address in contacts section).

Fey Ways GATHERING August 27-29, 1993 marked the first annual FeyWays Gathering, for gay male pagans of all pagan paths. Low turnout and low clouds did not dampen the spirit and energy of the gay men who attended. Largely unstructured and laid back, the weekend was both relaxing and inspiring. Rituals were kept rather free­ form and spontaneous. Led by Lord Oz and Lord Mithra, the two rituals fairly crackled with gay energy, celebrating our gay brotherhood and reclaiming our spiritual entitlement. For three glorious, sky clad days at a nudist campground, we were strictly among our own. It was a powerfully affirming time for all of us. Plans for FeyWays II are already underway. Those interested in being on our mailing list for the next FeyWays can write to: Circle of the Pink Triangle, PO Box 86616, Madeira Beach, FL 33708. The gathering will be limited to 50 men.

NYC Faerie Circle POB 1251 Canal St Sta NY NY 10013 Gay Switchboard 212/777-1800

Nomenus POB 312 Wolf Creek OR 97497 503/8662678 415/626-3369 (San Francisco) same as tele-faerie number

Northeastern Faeries (including Blue Heron Farm) POB 1251 Canal St Sta NY NY 10013

Northwestern Faeries 1510 19th Ave Seattle WA 98122

Oklahoma Radical Faeries c/o RAW/ARZ 626 S. Chautauqua #2 Norman, OK 73069 405/366-7743.

Ontario Faeries/ Fees du Quebec Amber Fox Sanctuary Box 65 McDonald’s Corners Ontario CANADA K0G1M0 613/278-2744

Pantheos PO Box 9543, Santa Fe, NM 87504 505/ 982-6827

Philadelphia Faeries c/o Earth 2221 Spring Garden St #3R Philadelphia PA 19130 215/864-9922

Rheinland Faeries/Germany Geert 0228/443218

Rose of Sharon Sanctuary

Frontiers Socials, discussions and outdoor events for Gay and Bi men 14 W. Mifflin St Suite 103 Madison Wl 53703 608/251-7424

c/o Charles Thornton or Michael Ogelsby 214 South Church Fayetteville AR 72701 501/521-7387

Rural Gay Men's Group

Arizona Radical Faeries

Ganowungo Sanctuary, W. N.Y.

Box 26673, Phoenix, AZ 85068 602/277-5745

Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield NY 14787

PO Box 1404 Port Hardy BC CANADA VON 2P0 support network for Canadian countrymen

Atlanta Faerie Circle

Gay Organic Gardeners

Sacred Faeries

404/622-4112

John Starnes 1684 Willow St Denver CO 80220

Austin Area Faeries Casa de Estaban, 12514-b Esplanade St. Austin, TX 78723

GAYA-Gay Consciousness and Spirituality

Black Leather Wings

Heidelberg Faerie Circle Blucherstrasse 1 W-6900 Heidelberg Germany 49/6221-860535

PO Box 210556 San Francisco CA 94121

Holy Faery Database c/o Rainbows End PO Box 761 Rutherfordton NC 28139

(networking tool for faeries) c/o Harry Ugol/ Michael Dreyer 1434 Alemany Blvd S F CA 94112 415/469-0625

British Columbia Radical Faeries

House of the Dawn

923 E. 10th Ave., Vancouver BC CANADA V5T 2B3 604/874-7470 Michael or Lar

112W Way POB 637 Yarnell AZ 85362 602/427-3112

Chicago Faerie Circle

3612 Chicago Ave So Minneapolis MN 55407 612/823-6996

Blue Ridge Fairies

2524 N Lincoln Ave., #461 Chicago IL 60614 312/561-8909

D.C. Faeries

Kawashaway Sanctuary

Korydon PO Box 653 Phoenix AZ 85001

no contact, anyone interested?

L'Affaire “Feydish” Computer Bulletin Board 415/861-4221

The Beau Monde POB 3036 Pineville LA 71361

Faerie Bear Share

Men Nurturing Men

Joe & Mike Totten-Reid 1712 Calle Poniente Santa Barbara CA 93101 805/569-1615

c/o Midwest Men's Center POB 2547 Chicago IL 60690 312/348-3254

Fey Dirt-News and Information

Ron 603/478-5437 or Tom 603/673-0921

Line in Portland OR area 503/235-0826

New Hampshire/Vermont (southern)

9

POB 252 Salt Lake City UT 84110 801/531-6846

San Francisco Tel-a-Fairy 415/626-3369 Events and message tape for the Bay Area faeries

Santa Cruz Fairy Line 408/335-5861 Events and message tape for the Santa Cruz area

Seattle Fairy Phone 206/783-2011 event tape for Seattle area

Short Mountain Sanctuary Route 1 Box 84-A Liberty TN 37095 615/563-4397 (messages)

Southern California Star Circle- Faerie Dish Rag Los Angeles CA 90026

POB 26807

Vermont- Destiny Lodge PO Box 88 Northfield VT 05663 802/485-6668

West German Faeries Gereckin Oetkm Berghovener St 57 53227 Bonn Germany

Willow Hollow Ranch Route 1 Box 267 (SASE please)

Purlear NC 28665

THE DREAM BECOMES REALITY A NEW COMMUNITY IS BORN

by Phil Woodward

The first utterance of the idea was at Short Mountain's 1992 fall gathering, only one year ago: to begin a new community with a whole new identity and focus within a neighborly drive of Short Mountain.

The idea took on momentum during a discussion circle held just after the following spring gathering. A dozen men and women shared their dreams; we talked about self sufficiency, cottage industry, and arts and crafts, but the important outcome was a growing sense of some sort of partnership. They were no longer ideas that we each held, but ideas we shared. People expressed different levels of resolve and it was clear that some were committed to seeing this idea come to reality.

I remained at Short Mountain through the summer, experiencing the land and this family, becoming aware of some of the internal work that I would confront in this 'group dynamic.' I was a bit anxious about the upcoming fall gathering. Could we pull together enough focus to begin something concrete? At the gathering I kept asking myself what could be done to help accelerate the process.

A meeting was called early in the gathering and the project quickly took on a life of its own. Seed planted in the spring was ready for harvest in the fall. Eight or ten people were discussing hard issues such as self government, economics and outreach. We began the work of discussing our philosophy and discussed fund raising, but more importantly, we were learning about each other. Sensing the importance of developing our interconnectedness, we planned to meet frequently throughout the gathering. We even discussed setting a week aside apart from the gathering to further explore our relationship. But this was before we visited the land.

Mid gathering a group of fifteen or so walked a nearby property with two houses and two barns. Two valleys surrounded by steep protective ridges created a womb-like security and serenity. We became enchanted and knew we had found our home.

Serendipity had worked its magic and the excitement became contagious as the implications surfaced. We could begin renting the land this fall, living in the front house as we winterize the back house.

We could transform the back bam into large studio spaces and pockets of flat land could provide plenty of gardens. A gorgeous spring satisfied my own longing for a place to connect with water spirits.

Returning to the gathering, we found the excitement of our little expedition spread quickly. People walked by exclaiming, "Congratulations!â&#x20AC;? Then something began unfolding that I had never imagined. In all of my visions of the family 1 would become part of, the land I would love and nurture, I never imagined receiving so much support and so many gifts. People offered money, time and a flood of good will. At the auction the high bidder donated a kitchen grab bag to us.

One gift had a particularly useful end. Two magical shamans designed a ritual. Casting a circle, we called the elements and anointed ourselves with water from the stream. We were guided through a meditation, visualizing ourselves as maturing trees, our roots and branches intertwining, our fruit dropping new seed. Drawing energy from the earth, then returning it, we were drawn into the earth, then into each other. Our energies were unified.

A bowl of seeds gathered from the land was then passed around, each of us taking one. We were asked to identify our personal gift of spirit to be given to the land and its caretakers, impart the energy of our gift into the seed we held and then, when ready, come forth naming oir gift and placing our seed back into the bowl. These would later be sewn into the land itself, planting the energy of our gifts as the seeds themselves are planted. Finally, those who saw themselves living on the land through the winter were asked to form an inner circle.

Elevating the bowl of seeds, seven pairs of hands met in the center of the circles, hands that would break the ground and establish the roots for a strong, growing family tree.

I remember looking around the group feeling uneasy: "I do not know these people well. Will I be able to live and work with them?" But I later realized that the calling of this group was the real magic of the ritual; I sensed how this was not a random calling. These men will bring together whatever skills and sensitivity is needed for these very exciting and important early months.

Our circle is now eight: Tim, Tom, Marky, Jeff, Mitch, Michael, Doug, and m yself,. I see a group with incredible sensitivity. I see a group ready to grow through the nourishment of each others love. This is the family that I am committed to loving and working with, growing enormously in the process.

Our goal is to create a space that allows people to enhance the art of living their lives. Whether this is through gardening, cooking, creating music, painting, weaving or healing, there will be room to express one's art and experience personal growth. It is important to us that this concept is shared with others. We hope to host workshops and seminars, gatherings and art festivals, encouraging queer artists and faeries to share their knowledge and their wealth. We also hope to support others in their search for ways to live more harmoniously and fully.

We are looking for support too. The asking price of the land is $150,000, which we hope to raise largely through donations. I am glad to report that we have already raised $25,000 towards the land purchase. We are also reaching to the outside community for energy and ideas. If you have a skill to share, tools or supplies, or a fabulous brainstorm, we want to hear about it! Would you like to run a workshop, work in the garden, donate materials, share your art?

Although our resident spaces are currently filled and we have no visitors' accommodations, people are encouraged to visit when it becomes warm enough to tent. Visitors are asked to write in advance and make a modest monetary contribution during their stay. All are welcome to become a part of our extended family. Âť

Tfease send any coorosponaence to.

Phil W oodw ard "New C om m unity" 904 V ickers Hollow Rd D ow elltow n, TN 37059 As we have not yet decided on a name for our smart home, we have not procured a checking account, so donation checks shm dd he made to our treasurer.

Tom S eidner.

10

STEPHEN RAY BUNCH K2-709856 Young, attractive, muse.build, well hung, golden tan, white stud. Seeks supportive/submissive, gays, tvs, ts, she-males white/black, young/old, for friendship/poss. much more, looks/height or weight unimportant. Remember a picture is worth a thousand words. Will answer all. Lets exchange photos.

Suggestions and guidelines for responding to pen pal ads.

The purpose for the penal listing is to offer the community at-large the opportunity to relieve the pain and loneliness that most inmates endure.

When responding to ads, be especially wary of any requests for loans, and do not cash money orders (they are easy to alter). Readers should embark on a dialogue with an inmate with one expectation: giving uncompromising help to the inmate. RFD denies any assurance of truthfulness in the contents of such ads, and will not assume any responsibility for losses or damages. Readers are encouraged to respond to the ads, but at their own risk.

Inmates can submit their ‘ads’ as short as possible to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. The coordinator reserves the right to edit ads according to his judgment.

Notes: Inmates are listed in Zip Code order within the same Zip Code, alphabetically by last name. All inmates are supposed to be gay unless specified otherwise. Bi=bisexual, W=white, B=black, NA=native American, A=Asian, H=hispanic, PR=Puerto Rican / age in years/ height/ weight in pounds/ color of hair/ color of eyes: bd=blond, bk=black, br=brown, bu=blue, gn=green, hz=hazel, rd=red, gy=gray, drbr=dark brown.

NOTICE: For the sake of saving printed space, inmates’ addresses are given ONCE per facility.

POB

565

BILLERICA

MA 01821

JOHN RYDER 78722 W31 6'1 I8 0 b rb r attractive cln shaven masc. well hung, spent a lot of time on beaches, enjoy good company and friends, reading and erotica "sex addict", first time in jail. I like to work and keep a nice place, can and would like to travel, looking for hunky and horny guys for correspondence exchange letters photos etc. relationship oriented.

30 ADMINISTRATION RD BRIDGEWATER MA 02324 FREDERICK A. BLANEY 45, inside for 10 years, no contact with old friends or family, would really appreciate finding someone I may be able to establish a meaning friendship with, can write other prisoners

PHILIP COOK 728893 E 51 39 6'1 175 very short hair, in excellent physical condition and lots of tattoos. I've been down for 6 years now for a first-degree murder conviction.

Seeking pen pals.

TOMMY L BENTON T-35-66-1443 Young, attractive, muscular built, well-hung, ebony super stud. Built to please not to tease!

Seeks supportive/submissive gays, tv.,ts., shemales, whites/blacks, young/old for friendship hopefully much more. Looks, height, weight all unimportant A picture can be worth a thousand words. Will answer all writers. Lets exchange photos/become close friends.

JOHNC MARQUARD 122995 [A-1] 45-1283 AKA De Lupus I'm a bisexual inmate on Florida’s death row, originally from NC I'm 26 y o dark bd with eyes that change color with my moods from grey to green and sometimes blue when I'd really tickled I love the out doors and the things that can be done there Also love animals and children Very intelligent and open minded. Being where I am I try to remain sexually incognito, but otherwise very open My hobbies are various ranging form aardvarks to /ymurgy. those being my favorites are photography , hiking, skiing, [both types] scuba, computers, horseback riding, etc . etc.,

FSP POB 747 STARKE FL 1100 PIKE ST PA 16654-1112

GLEN C PITTS a h -9400 B 46 gybk br I don't mind my own company but would like to share what I have to give with my very own someone.

POB 1000 LEWISBERG PA 17837 THOMAS SIM J-3 W 33 6'0 200 Federal prisoner looking for anyone m/f any race to write to. Due for release in two years.

POB 9561 1 9809

RD 02324

PAUL J O'NEAL 37105 37 5’9 145 br bu. Been down 15 years. Seeking a caring friend to share thoughts and interests.

No head games. Will answer all.

WILMINGTON

DE

MIKE DAVIS 533918-2J15 W 32 5'9 150 I'm divorced and am the father of 2 teenage boys. I served 6.5 years in the air force. I like to travel, make love with both sexes, fishing and eating mostly shell fish. I'm doing 30 years to life for what I maintain were senual relationships with young males. I'm looking for a penpal, preferably another con in for the same bullshit

UCI POB 32083 1 ADMINISTRATION BRIDGEWATER MA

HUNTINGDON

221

RAILFORD

FL

JOHN REESE 123069 [A-1J 45-2223 B 28 57 bk bk 210 of muscle in every place you can imagine. I am presently on death row and every thing being to your liking I hope that me being on dearth row won't change your mind. I am looking for a friend, one that don't mind sitting down and expressing there thoughts on paper, one I'll be willing to return the gratitude

11

32091

MICHAEL EVANS 061580 38 6'5 I am from Jacksonville FI. I will write to any race or creed it don't matter one bit O K , I will be writing a speedy response JOSEPH PIZANIE A-103640 W 26 6' 195 dkbr bu Stud, 9 1/2" cut [thick] Nationality hot blooded Italian honest sincere, very masculine, straight acting /looking, healthy, HIV-, very versatile, open minded, imaginative very athletic, stamina plus, mature, intelligent tremendous sense of humor, romantic, lonely, amiable personality Seeking similar someone for friendship, possible relationship Will write to all interested DENNIS KING 047576 P1-5-13 I am a 36 y o bisexual Latirt/lndian male who has a degree in law. I am due for release in 1995 and would like to hear from professional gay men who would like to start a long and life time relationship Race not important ROBERT W. NIELSON 073277 W 30 6'1 190 dark hair and eyes, seeks meaningful friendship and correspondence, will answer all.

GARY TILLMAN 482636 J-3-N-13 B 31 5'11 197. Lonely cancer seeking friendship maybe more Into sports, reading, kids and animals All I ask is that you reach out in honesty and it Shall be Returned Please send SASE MANUAL COLINA 108602 N-1-S-5 I am a young Spanish man seeking friendships with male or females, gays. I'm seeking someone to share a great deal of my thoughts with ROBERT G. WILLIAM 044187 K-1-S-9 B 38 At the present time I'm serving a life sentence. My interests include poetry, exercising, meditation and music. I would like to correspond with other gay people in a caring way

JAMES HULON 021126 V-2-N-2 W 43 5'9 150 rd gn Educated, honest and sincere l‘ve been in prison over 20 years with life to go. Is there anyone out there who really cares ? Please write.

JAMES PENN 115770 N-3-N-6 W. Presently being persecuted by the administration at Florida state prison for admission of homosexuality. Please provide help, advise or even a caring word.

OMCI OHIO

POB 788 44901

MANSFIELD

EDWARD FORTSON JR. 256-527 B 37 5'9 160 sexy brown eyes, a warm smile, and a marvelous sense of humor. I am also very bright and a gentleman. Resident of Prague OK. I wish to correspond with male or female pen friends and your age or race doesn't matter.

CARL WATTS 069145 P-1-S-11 22, seeks sincere open minded intellectual gay man any age for possible relationship.

MS

EDDYVILLE

DARREL CRAIG 104648 5-3-D11 W 37 5‘8 155 curly brown hair but balding on top blue eyes I enjoy camping, fishing, hiking skiing, playing sports, working out music and am some what of an artist I believe in the old fashion ways of life by giving respect and trying to help others when I am able I am due for release next September. I am wanting to meet someone that is honest and sincere about a friendship and possible relationship, also about life in general. If you don't meet these requirements then there is no reason for both of us to waste our time.

LANCE M HIEMSTRA 96916 5-2E-13 W 46 6’2 210 brgy br loves to travel, write letters, cook, garden and swim, listen to most types of music, sign-cancer, looking for penpals, lived in Aust and Venezuela, BS in Education and worked in hotel/rest management RICHARD W. COLWELL 106314 6-H-16 30 5'5 135 br bu looking for someone in which I could share my thoughts and smiles with, hoping to find someone who would be interested in knowing me, to find what my heart and mind is on and about I have been living a very lonely life and it has in many ways taken its toll on me! ..once two people share a thought, a smile, and sometimes even a tear they can no longer consider themselves strangers

POB 1368 MANSFIELD OH 44901 MC. HAWTHORNE 241-319 B 32 5'9 195 My hobbies inc body building and reading l have an associates of arts degree, and I'm presently perusing my B.A in criminal justice l would be very grateful to have someone with whom I could correspond I am a very kind, understanding, generous and caring gentleman who is a giver of self At the present time my greatest need is for someone with whom I can relate to dh a one to one basis, someone with whom I can share my thoughts ambitions and even uncertainties. In essence I would like to have a special friend

IYC 727 MOON ROAD PLAINFIELD IN 46168-9400

MICHIGAN

CITY

IN

TIMMY CHRISWELL 854197 B-C-H 239 26 5'11 175 rock solid br br Very attractive.

Hoping to be released in 96. Age, race, looks all unimportant. Looking for love, romance or just friendship. I don't play games. Your picture gets mine.

38738

KY

JEROME FINE 915736 I have bn hair, bu eyes, stand 6'6 and weigh 224.1am 23 and love to have a good time. Love to dance and travel. Hobbies include basketball fishing and football.

POB 41 46 3 6 0

THOMAS PIPITONE 76847 W 51 gy/gld 5'6 hefty, monogamous, no drugs or smoke, HIV- Seeks tv.. If it walks, talks, smells and looks like a girl but is all boy or man in bed write Any race OK I’m out 12 15 93. No scams or games period

KSP POB 128 4 2 0 3 8 -0 1 2 8

GREENCASTLE

THOMAS E. FOSTER 11 870656 W Bi 32 6'3 190 rdbd slim, sports fanatic. Enjoy rock pop. Open minded. Wacky sense of humor.

Soft hearted looking for gay/bi/tv/ts to write, Any race looks not an issue. I’m lonely and looking for someone to share my experience with. Mike Tyson is my neighbor. Will answer all. Send pics.

BILLY JO FERGUSON DC-086738 U-3-N-13 25 bd bu 5'7 169 Hi, I am looking for someone special to correspond with. I am very attractive, serious minded, open minded, fun loving to be around, good sense of humor, very ambitious, honest, and suppose to be getting released soon. Willing to relocate if I find that special person. If your likes consist of any of mine please write.

UNIT 28 PARCHMAN

1500 W. US 40 IN 46135-9275

CODELL WOMBLES 5817 [B-C-H. 227] W 37 [2/21/56] 5'11 180 bk br Top, broad shoulders, muscular build, lonely. Seeking bottom 35-80 for serious life time commitment.

POB 45699 456 9 9 -0 001

LUCASVILLE

OH

TIM HAM MITT A250-586 27 57 170 bd bl masculine, healthy, happy and extremely proud gay man. body building for 5 years, trimmed beard, very clean, don't smoke/hard drugs, social drinker, love the outdoors, animals and people, seeking others like my self in hopes of friendship or more intimate relationship, looking for soul mate, someone that likes to be held, cuddled, kissed, walks, but mainly likes to be loved and give it Will answer all and will send photo to those interested in meeting this handsome gentleman

IR POB 30 PENDLETON IN 46064 JOHN BARNES 20635 I M A 26 5'10 168 br bu good sense of humor and very caring, I'd love to hear from any one inc. Tvs. you are all beautiful to me.

MICHAEL MAXIE 7325 12-1A 24 5'6 140 br bu honest good sense of humor, and am a caring person ...being gay is beautiful but far apart...wanting to stay in touch with other gays, all letters answered.

DARYL T BROWN 932948 H-19-3A W 35 5'8 140 br bu I grew up on a farm in TN . I enjoy sports, the outdoors, and nature. I am an animal lover My hobbies are reading drawing, crafts with wood. I love history and studying it.

Shows I like to watch on tv include nature, news, talk shows and play off sports games Seeking a friend not a plastic person. I will be honest and answer all questions asked.

JEFF ALAN LAMBERT 863437 5-6-J 26 6’2 176 bn/bd bu Na/W Bi HIV- nicely hung, dirt bike racing, country/rock music, ceramics, camping, fishing, very warm, sensitive loving person. I'm seeking open to honest 18 to-? gay or Bi for correspondence and friendship.

Possible relationship who knows ? I'm lonely and sincere, no head games please. Your photo gets mine. So come on and write. I will answer all.

12

MICHAEL A HOLLON 8210 W 30 5'9 165 bd very lonely with no one to correspond with, honesty and sincerity assured, very open, would like to take the time to get to know someone.

RONALD L. SUMNER 24012 B 31 6'1 175 I would like to find someone special that is interested in developing a committed relationship, and who knows the true meaning of un co n d itio n a l love between soulmates. I've never had anyone to love and care for me. I'd like to share that now and after my release in the very near future. Sincere only need respond. Physical characteristics do not make the man, it's what's inside that is important to me. Take care and have a good season.

CHUCK ROCHE Jr. 902303 [death row] 29y.o. forced to live suppressed lifestyle because of death row, would like to express self through letters, no prisoners.

AL GROSS 7502 B.C.H. 313 Seeking a gay male f a a monogamous relationship. Must be sincere, caring, and interested in something meaningful. I am 36 y.o.

6'1 handsome, intelligent, sincere, and a very "passionate lover". [To be released in April 94.]

Only family: 1 sister. I have no ties here. I would like to make new friends and hopefully find that "special someone" to share my life with.

Hobbies:body-building and continuing educational studies. Professional occupation: Real Estate Appraiser.

POB

47

WALLACE

ID 83873

TERRY TESKE 33 5'5 145 br br lam looking for a pen pal that would write to me and stay in touch. I am in prison doing 2 1/2 years for drugs. I like skiing, camping, hiking, horse back riding and traveling.

I have no one on the outside that would write to me My family passed away a couple of year ago in a plane wreck. I am looking forward to hearing back from you really soon.

USP POB 250 DRAPER UT 84020 DENNIS JUDD 21677 UNITA 3 6-11-B W 19 5‘11 145 slender built ash bd bu Out next year. Well endowed, open-minded, HIV-, lonely, willing to relocate. Seeking a life mate and friend.

Please write

ASP-RINCON UNIT 10000 S. WILMOT RD TUCSON AZ 85777 ROSS ETTER 43634 33 6'3 230 bd/hz Ex-pro football. Incarcerated on gambling charge, due for release 12-93. Very athletic, cut, hung, thick. Top but flexible. Very adventurous and daring. Will answer all that write.

POB 1989 E.S.P. 8 9 3 0 1 -1 9 8 9

ELY

NV

JOHN McKAGUE 14127 W 32 I have been incarcerated since the age of 17 and will possibly be released June 94. I would very much like to get in contact with people on the outside. I'm very interested in corresponding with any and all that are willing to write.

CSP POB 5001 CA 92233

CALIPATRIA

DONALD BARR C95732 D2204 REWARD: for the information leading to the arresting friendship of one individual with the conviction to enjoy life's humor and the ability to share life's thoughts and observations.

DAVID HENDERSON C-72158 D3/250 I am 30 years old. Red hair and full of passion! I hope to meet someone who is not afraid to show his soft side.

POB 5002 CALIPATRIA 9 2 2 3 3 -5 0 0 2

CA

LESLIE LATHAM H-28607 C2-216 W 27 5'10 165 bd bl seeking pen pal any age for friendship and poss. relationship, will answer any and all.

PBSP POB 7500 CITY CA 95532

CRESCENT

CHARLIE HURST C-3-204 D-73484 W 23 5'9 160 bd bu New to the scene. Seeking companionship and guidance. Prefer older [30+], but open to any one caring. No restrictions on sexuality, race. etc. Will answer all.

No Polaroid's allowed.

WCC POB 473 4 6 3 9 1 -0 4 7 3

WESTVILLE

IN

NORMAN GOODLOE 22410 DORM-3 W 22 5'9 165 interested in a pen pal to. care and give inspiration to guys who would be interested in sharing a meaningful relationship in letters, everyone is welcome to write to me. will answer all

MCSP IONE POB CA 95640-9000

409000

IONE

JOHN HIPPIE DHMAN E97738 BID-12 CELL130 LOWER W 6'2 br mustache goatee. My family disowned me for being locked up. I get no mail and have nobody so I'm seeking a friend. I’m in prison for a robbery for which I got a 5 years. I'm lonely, but I hope to find the right person for a companion at this time. Presently I'm in the hole because someone called me a queer ana nit me and I hit him back so I'll be getting transferred to Pelican Bay S.P -all I did was stand up for my gay rights.

I'd like someone that I can write to so I can keep my mind going and not get into any more trouble. I want to get out of here and start to live again. Write me back soon and send a picture if you can.

JOSEPH TAUBMAN D-95099 8-2079 W 30 6'4 185 bu/gn bd mustache Seeking educated and honest corespondent to build trusting relationship. Drug/disease free, please same.All replies answered, photo incl with yours.

KENNITHM CASEY E-97003 B10-228L 24 5'4 br br serving 16 years, basketball, baseball, football, camping, hiking, biking, reading(mystery] and walking, Star Trek fan, science-fiction, detective and comedy shows, I've had one girlfriend and four long term rel with guys, 12 years private school, 3 years of college and 3 years of work as tax preparer Seeking pen pal close to my age between 20 and 25 and someone who has or is getting a college education.

KENNITH SATTERFIELD E-88680 C-11-246 LOW 21 5'10 190 light br gy My hobbies are sports of all kinds, reading and writing, [being from Long Beach, Ca] I also like going to the beach. I would like to find someone who shares some of these things and to share information and ideas. So drop me a letter. All letters will be answered.

WALTER J.LEWIS B-01161 C12-133-L 46 5'10 200 bn bu Love sports, chess, quite with good sense of humor, was in college, love animals, have been in prison since 1965. minus 6 months back in 1978.

POB

E JACKSON

Ml

49204

WILLARD J .DUFY 169619 W 35 57 155 br br Seeking strong willed black or Hispanic man. I wish to completely submit physically and mentally. Life is a sequence of moments and being lose is worth the coming home.

JCC RR4 BOX 28C JACKSONVILLE IL 62650 STEVEN MESCHINO N84986 5’6 125 thin. Long black mane, brown eyes Fairly well endowed for my size looking for kind and gentle individuals, sincere phallic worshippers I am of Italian and Dutch descent Have done some gay photographic art work Well, I pray that you will help me and I thank you.

POB 4000 MISSOURI

SPRINGFIELD 65801-4000

JOHN KEELEY 29997-053 W 57 175 br bu/br Hobbies are collecting comics, sci fci, tv and movies, computers, walks in the woods and on the beach. I'm looking for that someone special that wants a relationship or friendship, who enjoys affection and values the child within each of us.

13

LSP

ANGOLA

LA

70712

STEPHEN FRIEDT D.O.C. 111388 Ash-3 W 30 5'8 165 br br Seeking friendship. Guitarist, German decent, no family, abused as a child, To be released Feb. 94 CLAUDE JONES D.O.C.116289 CAMPZ SHARK 1-L-14 B 25 5'11 175 relatively handsome, selfeducated not mis-educated, wishes to correspond with homosexuals, lesbians, transvestites and hermaphrodites too, all races and creeds accepted

RT. 2 BOX TX 76597

4400

GATESVILLE

DARREL W. BELL 611583 B 28 5'10 150 emotional, handsome, quite, seeking support from all types of females, feminine males, ts.. tv., etc. any age or race.

POB 4200 THREE RIVERS TEXAS 78071-4200 JAMES A PRICHARD 16217-057 [LOB] W 26 5’81/2 1 75 br gn enjoys motorcycling, writing love poetry, music listening, photography, but most of all enjoy making new gay friends and building meaningful relationships and spending quality time with lover PATRICK D PRICE 00472-068[K-A| 29 5*9 150 bn hazel Have been locked up 11 years, soon to be released Looking for someone who wants boyish type lover Enjoys horse back riding, roller skating, leather working spending meaningful time with my lover.

DOC HOSPITAL N. Dr. OROFINO ID 83544

23

GEORGE B COMBE 26874 W 29 5'10 180 bn bn Enjoys the outdoors, motor sports and loves animals, people and cum Looking for horny friend that loves to talk sex Someone under 28 y o Please send photo no polariods The more I see the better1 EDWIN W.PRALL 37090 W 18 5'6 140 br br lam only 18 but I’ve been charged as an adult I enjoy sports motorcycles animals and the taste and feel of another man I haven't been a fag very long but I'm learning quickly and I'm pretty good Please send photo no Polaroid's.

POB

29

REPRESA

CA

95671

MAURICE BORK D-16559-FA-3122 LIMITED OFFER :W 32 5'11 155 br br Has consumate relationship opportunity for similar man of strong character and romantic compulsion. Serious cuddlers encouraged Send a S A S E

POB 2000 VACAVILLE 9 5 6 9 6 -2 0 0 0

CA

CHRIS AHLSTEDT D-260 50-M-221 W 32 lonely and incarcerated in California Seeking a new friend and possible lover Will answer all that write

PCC POB 919 PALMER AK 99645 WILLIAM A MYERS 58 Alaskan, avid camera bug sports fisherman rafting, ocean kayaking, etc. Seeking a relationship, offer to be host for future “Far North" experience Will answer all who write to me'

':v.

CALL FOR DIALOGUE

,

'■Sk

‘••.14 *

♦

Dear Editors One night half a life ago as a young fundamentalist Christian while debating some point of biblical interpretation with two friends in a restaurant loud enough for every body to listen in, a woman passing by our table leaned into our circle and pronounced, "it’s all a crock of shit".

In the face of such blasphemy my friends would insist that they had knowledge which infidels could not understand. I would always secretly wonder what the infidels knew and experienced that I didn't understand. Well in the years since I think I have found out and now concur with the woman's statement.

The church has been unforgivably cruel to queers and anyone else who has resisted assimilation and conformity. I suspect Jesus would've despaired. He came to an anxious and oppressed people to announce the dawning of what he called the 'Kingdom of God". This kingdom was a new reality of personal and social relationships governed by compassion and justice where human well being would be valued over doctrinal purity and ritual precision. All to quickly the spirituality of Jesus became a religion about Jesus. The seminal experience of god's kingdom became a collection of doctrinal propositions and behavioral proscriptions over which dissenters could be tortured and murdered.

The church itself became the refutation of Jesus' good news, and I suspect it Jesus was alive today he would lean across churchly dinner tables and announce, "It's all a crock of shit".

After World War II a new voice came crying in the wilderness. Harry Hay began to share his vision of a new personal and social reality for those of us who are not masculine, not feminine, but other.

I have been attracted to his ideas since I heard him speak a decade ago. I suspect, however, that Harry's speaking and writing about such things as Subject-Subject Consciousness is not disclosing some essential reality heretofore hidden, any more than the preaching of Jesus was disclosing an actual imminent event called the coming of the kingdom of god. I believe that, like Jesus, Harry is describing for us a new possibility. Not so much the way we really are, but a new way that we really can be. The church embraced the vision of Jesus and crushed it. I hope we, and Harry too, will handle the vision that come from out of a "gay window " on the world with more care.

Those of us attracted to Harry's vision and Faerie Spirituality do seem to share some dispositions in common. Whether these dispositions are necessarily gay is debatable. We prefer to nurture life, rather than kill it.

We're inclined towards cooperative rather than competitive ventures.

We see ourselves as a part of, rather than apart from, nature. We experience out sexuality as a manifestation of the Sacred rather than the profane. We place a higher value on relationships than ambition. Our culture sees these characteristics as feminine rather than masculine, but be being men who are so disposed we become "other".

I was mystified by Harry Hay's suggestion that the inclusion of bisexuals reduces our 'otherness' to the status of 'heterosexual variation’. I am aware of no inherent logic in Harry's vision or in Faerie spirituality that necessarily leads to the exclusion of bisexuals. Until I read this in RFD. 1 had never even considered the possibility.

For crying out loud, we're making this up as we go along! Harry Hay and the Radical Faeries have not uncovered and delivered to us a completed spiritual system as a fait accompli. Where does this dogmatic certitude regarding bisexuals come from?

While 1 have been attracted to and delighted by Faerie Spirituality for some time. I have never attended a gathering ‘and have no on going relationship with others who share this spiritual perspective. My hesitancy in joining has to do with my anxiety that the pronouncement of the woman all those years ago applies not only to Christianity but to religion in general;. I have spent many years disentangling myself from the ( hristian church and while I am constantly on the look out for new and deeper spiritual insights, I am uninterested in a new oppressive religion.

Harry Hay and the Radical Faeries otter a lively and exciting spiritual vision. I teel 1 am a fellow traveler. But should this vision become closed rather than open ended, or become a means of tearing brothers down rather than building them up, should it become a means of restricting rather than expanding freedom, or become a coercive promoter of sexual conformity rather than a vehicle for celebrating diversity, then I should like to be the first to lean into the circle and say.

"It’s all a crock of shit!’

Kevin G C arney, Rock Island II.

In the Summer issue of RFD (#74) we published two articles side by side under the general heading "A Call for Dialogue". The articles expressed various thoughts, concerns and issues around the politics of our collective identity. Harry Hay's piece, entitled "Neither boy nor girl", expressed further his thoughts around a Third Gender identity, talked of taking cues from tribal cultures that give third gender men a role in their societies, he sought to express how we could take the lead in changing the views of American society by sharing, with an up front attitude, our talents in healing, sensitivity, spirituality and other skills and talents we may access as faeries. The article centered around Harry's concern about the affect on the Lesbian and Gay Movement through its acceptance of Bisexual men and women into the fold. He argues this has been a "very serious lapse of vision" and has allowed our detractors, mainly the Christian Right but also potential allies such as left wing political groups, to regard us not as a separate and valid gender of our own, but "simply as dysfunctional heteros".

The accompanying article written by Starfire John, entitled "Scapegoating: Denial of Self/ Denial of Others" told his story of an experience at a Faerie Gathering where the issue of Bisexual-sexuality had been discussed. Starfire John felt "stunned...confused.... and vulnerable" by the response of some other circle members to the sharing of his experience of coming out as Bisexual.

Responses to these articles and the issues they raised were asked for, and below are the letters, some of which have been edited for reasons of space. Readers interested in further discussion around Starfire John's article are pointed towards the latest "Faerie Dish Rag" (PO Box 26807 LA C A 90026)

s

19

;Ve'

RESPO NSES

lu .

Dear RED, I have been feeling unempowered to claim my identity as bisexual (men preferred). This disempowerment is usually'felt Around gay men. rhis is strange because homophobes lump us all together in the same leaky boat. I do meet guys who say it’s "cool" to be bi: and my closest gay friend claims me as "family", so it isn't all bad.

Still, anyone who would do what was done to Starfire John, or to me, or anyone else, deserves anything negative received from homophobes and weak-kneed liberals.

T h o rto n Kiines, S eattle, WA.

Dear RFD. As 1read the difficulties in establishing exactly who we arc politically I cannot help but consider that we queers are remarkable for our intense reverence for individuality and our aversion to easy labels. Some of us enjoy disruption and challenge to structure not as a means to an end, but for its own sake.

No sooner do I find myself being considered a member of a specific group do I begin to look for ways to consider myself an exception.

There is a considerable feeling of personal power one can derive from feeling like an outsider. Granted, a collection of outsiders and marchersto-different-drums can make for a richly diverse and accepting group of people, but constitutes a weak political coalition.

Certainly the issues require careful thought and attention top feeling. Yet in sympathy to Starfire John's terrible experience at Camp Solom circle, l would recommend that his attackers take the advice of queer ’zine publisher Laurence Roberts who says to his readers: "Nothing should be assumed about any body's sexuality, including YOURS" Like Roberts, I believe human sexual response is too complex to be easily slotted into the two poles of exclusive homo and exclusive hetero.

To try to do so would seem as mistaken as imagining there to be only one type of human soul. Why should the men of Solom circle deny that Starfire John shares common cause with them? Is one of the major points of the gathering not to celebrate the beauty of the individual soul?

Jam es Jeske, C hicago, II, 14

,4?>

S'

Dear Girls and Boys

y

I feel the most important question addressed in issue #14 is are we to include bisexuals in our movement? My response is " if you're not for the freedom of all life on the planet, you're not for any of it" So much tor the idealistic platitudes, but we've got to uproot the hate inside ourselves, heal it. and get on with making our world and our lives a pretty place. I see an attitude of the sort that equates sex with the opposite sex. or both sexes, to be akin to treachery and murder in our community. Come on. folks! We've been denied a good life for, among other things, who we sleep with, so why are we parroting that response? I believe that we can all do something different and allow, accept and celebrate diversity in sexuality. Hate and divisiveness are boring! Aren’t we faeries supposed to be fun? Let's throw a big party for the bisexuals and let them have some fun and we might learn something about ourselves in the process.

f ii.

Dear RFI)

.............................

I have always wondered about this fascination with Harry Hay as a Radical Faerie icon. Now I’m really puzzled after reading this article.

His philosophy strictly defines the Radical Faeries and creates an us vs. them mentality. If there is a lapse of vision amongst queers it is to continue to look towards self-appointed leaders to define us. Those who speak for a collective vision and do so in these divisive terms are of the same ilk as fundamentalist bigots.

Harry includes a lot of nonsense and contradictions in his article. He prides himself in otherness and neitherness yet cannot allow this of bisexuals. He praises consensus in the Rainbow Coalition, but deplores the inclusion of bisexuals in that coalition. He insults disabled people by saying they are known as dysfunctional people and spews racism when he offers his opinions about "third and fourth world culture" and Native American culture.

1 live in Arizona and know the Navajo and every other Native American Nation has homophobia as part of tribal culture. The Native Americans are as assimilated into American culture as anyone else here in Arizona.

They are people not wooden statues. Tribal cultures which do exist unscathed by modem society are few and those which maintain some semblance of their original culture would be the first to object to being spoken for by someone with no experience of their culture. And-though they may experience sexuality in different contexts than Americans, it is not necessarily better simply by being tribal. For instance, some of these cultures allow men to have sex with each other, but torture the women for that same behavior. Are these tribes really our allies?

I suggest Harry keeps his gifts to the community. We have enough intolerance and prejudice and tired old stereotypes. And wrapping the package of hate in platitudes about collective ideals and tribal spirituality is dishonest. I hope this article will dissolve the myth around Harry Hay as a leading voice amongst the Radical Faeries and be an example of why we need to be cautious about creating a bigoted dogma of our own.

Jam es, Tucson AZ

Roger Mary Ward Norman OK

D ear F rien ds My personal abhorrence of discrimination is no concept internalized intellectually as being the current fashionable attitude, but is based on some sad first hand experiences. As a result I am a firm believer in the 'do unto others' maxim. My school fellows knew 1 was gay early on. they discriminated even when I w'ent more than half way to meet them. I was an easy target. For 11 years my daily lot was that of all minorities, sexual and racial, in a oppressive environment: just bear with it. someday you will put it all behind you. Consequently you learn more than your persecutors ever will about human nature.

Whether bisexuality has or has not been my cup of tea, it is a bisexuals right to exercise complete freedom and confidence in expressing his or her sexuality with out repression of any kind. And yet as some one who was oppressed by 90% of the people surrounding’ me, by the systems the law forbade me to run away from, and as one who refuses to be labeled a "recovered victim", I cannot abide by angry claims I am hearing and reading from many bisexual people that they are being "oppressed" in a similar fashion, whether by the Third Gender idea or the lesbian and gay community's "inability to understand".

Many bisexual people seem to want it shouted high and loud that their rights are just as endangered as those of the gay and lesbian community, full in the face of centuries of repression of the latter and laws still on the books prohibiting complete exercise of freedoms. Fact is, there have always been bisexual people as there have always been gay and lesbian people, but with a twist: it is easier to compromise when you are bisexual than w'hen you have the temerity and, yes, sometimes the idiocy to self-identify as gay or lesbian in a woefully backward world.

Perhaps bisexual people are feeling some negativity because they are making an issue out of the greatest kept secret of human history'. But don t tell me or any other target ot childhood to adulthood oppression and hatred that bisexuals know anything like w'hat we know about stones hurled in the schoolyard, jeers screeched at you front door, astonished parents to whom you try to explain this overwhelming crisis at the identity- and vocabulary-weak age 9 or 10. The comparative ease with which one exists as a bisexual in society stands in direct disproportion to the obstacles homosexuals fight against just to find secure jobs and housing, let alone secure love.

Thank you for letting me speak my mind,

Grant Michael Menzies I)epoe Bay OR 15

"I'm ready for my close-up, Mr. DeMille.”

CRAN-RASPBERRY

K J fc h z n

PIE

2-1/4 c. flour 1 t. salt 1 T. sugar (or honey) 3/4 c. shortening 1 egg yolk, slightly beaten 2 t. almond extract 1/4 c. plus 2 T. ice water 2 c. fresh cranberries 1 (10-oz.) package frozen, sweetened raspberries 1-1/4 c. sugar (or 1 c. honey) 1/4 t. salt 2 T. quick-cooking tapioca 1/4 t. almond extract Combine first 3 ingredients; cut in shortening with pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal.

Combine egg yolk, extract, and water; sprinkle (1 T. at a time) evenly over flour mixture; stir with a fork until all ingredients are moistened.

Shape into 2 balls; chill 2 hours.

mmmm m m - m m m mm m m mm m m mm m

G m i i N Q s I hope you've had a wonderful autumn and the colors were glorious for you. By now, that winter garden should be producing some delightful greens and other goodies for your table. One of my favorites for the winter season is cranberries. I love their tart flavor, especially when added in with a sweet fruit or vegetable.

They have a personality all their own.

If you want them other times of the year, buy several packages of them and toss them in the freezer. You can freeze them as is. You don't have to do anything with them.

Wouldn't it be great to show up at a picnic next summer with a loaf of fresh baked cranberry-orange bread? What a treat!

Besides tasting so good, they're a very healthy food for you to eat.

Besides being exceptionally high in vitamin C, they are a great tonic for the kidneys.

They tone and strengthen them.

Weak kidney energy is an open invitation to AIDS. So drink cranberry juice, and I don't mean that col­ ored, sugar water from Ocean Spray!

Be good to yourselves and get the real stuff.

This time, I'm giving you a recipe for a cranraspberry pie, fresh cranberry tartlets, and a wonderful cranberry-orange bread.

I hope you'll try and enjoy them.

Roll half of dough to 1/8-inch lightly floured surface.

Place plate; trim excess pastry around 425F (with pie weights) for 5 weights, and bake an additional 5

thickness on a in a 9-inch pie edges.

Bake at minutes; remove minutes.

Combine cranberries and next 5 ingredients in a heavy saucepan. Cook over medium heat 15 minutes, stirring often.

Set aside, and cool slightly (10 minutes).

Spoon into prebaked pastry shell.

Roll remaining pastry to 1/8-inch thickness on a lightly-floured surface; cut 4 (10-xl/2-inch) strips.

Arrange in lattice fashion over berries; trim edges. Cut leaf designs from remaining past­ ry; arrange on pie and around edge of crust.

Bake at 350F for 20 minutes or until golden.

Shield edge of pastry shell with foil during last 10 minutes, if necessary.

[ 'cuse me. The bread is ready for the oven. It rose very well with nicely rounded tops.)

And last, but not least, Kelly from Chicago:

Welcome to the Baker's Buns.

Winter

'93

installment

of

Peter, I read your column each issue in RFD with my readers Jerry & Bruce. I am blind and RFD is the only magazine I read with a live reader. It is the only magazine with which I feel so con­ nected to the writers and other readers that I commit to reading it each season. I love your column! I am a country boy in the big city. In the winter, I bake much of my household's bread and we have our own herb window box garden out in the back. I learned how to bake bread 2 years ago when I was living in Minneapolis. There, many people on the West Bank and in South Minneapolis bake their own bread to warm up their apartments from the bone-chilling Minnesota winters.

I bake bread in Chicago because it is difficult to find delicious whole grain bread at times. I am sometimes disappointed with your column by the lack of information about baking with wholefoods, an alternative from the trans-national corpora­ tions that seem to have ever greater influence in our lives. I would like to see more information about using 100% whole wheat flour and sweeteners other than refined sugar. I saw in this past issue [that] an upcoming column will feature great baking books. I have found several that have become like old, reliable friends in just the past two years: THE TAS.SAJABA BREAD BQ.QK by: Ed Brown features many recipes on making some of the simplest and most karma-conscious breads from the Tassajara Zen Center and monastery in the Carmel Valley, south of San Francisco, 1970.

UPRISINGS, THE GRAIN BAKER’S BOOK by: Coopera­ tive Whole Grain Baker's Association, is the most comprehensive baking book that I could find with information on making natural food colorings, essene breads, and non-dairy pie crusts, as well as the usual goodies, 1990.

THE NEW LAUREL'S KITCHEN by: Laurel Robertson is a great inspirational manifesto, even though it is so much more than a baking book, 1986

The

I want to extend a hearty thanks to all my readers who responded to my request (plea?) for feedback. I so much appreciate that you took the time to write and express your thoughts.

Before I get into those letters, let me remind you that I am putting together a column of (your most) favorite recipes. It will be a nice change from the usual fare! Please send me ONE recipe your best. I already have some and will wait till I amass enough for a column or goodly part thereof. Don't hesitate to remit your questions, comments and suggestions to: Peter Baker P.O.Box 554 N.Y.C.,N.Y. 10025 [Excuse me a moment while I go shape the bread.

I'm nearing the final rise!]

Hi again! Well, that didn't take long. I love to make bread on a nippy fall day! Nice and plain, so the taste of the grains comes through. Fra­ grant, freshly baked bread with a bowl of hearty, homemade soup after a long walk in the forest over hill and dale . . .

[The aromatic fingers of the bread have reached my bedroom, where I am typing this, to tickle my nose with delight. Time to have a peek!]

[Not quite ready yet. But almost. . ]

Whoops, I'm rhapsodizing, no forests in this concrete jungle!

Oh, it's the thought that counts anyway. At least I can dream of forests while I munch on the bread.

All of the above books are available either in braille or on cassette tape. I sometimes use a recipe that calls for white flour. I have sub­ stituted whole wheat pastry flour with a less heavy loaf. Do you have any experience with this substitution? I will look forward to the entire list of cookbook suggestions. Right now, we are baking very little this summer. I cannot imagine firing up our oven in the summer heat.

Now, to the letters: Ed from Arlington, Virginia gets to the point: Dear Peter, This is just to let you know how much I enjoyed your article on cake baking in the latest issue of RFD. We missed you at Softening the Stone in May. Hope to see you next year.

In brotherhood, Kelly.

Thanks, Ed, for the thoughts, and calligraphy!

Well, thank you so much for that fabulous letter, Kelly. And for your suggestions. It is true that the last two columns were not geared for the natural foods baker. The two columns on bread, however, are definitely applicable. Although I started out, professionally, baking with whole grains and natural sweeteners, I later moved to more conventional baking. I do not have tons of experience substituting natural ingredients for conventional ones, but I will endeavor to share with you all what knowledge I do have - READ ON. 17

whipping butter. When you take butter out of the refrigerator, it is very brittle. So you put this in the mixer and turn it on. Mixers, alas, do not mixer whatever 100% evenly. This is why we have to scrape the bowl occasionally. So part of the butter, most of it, mixes and begins to soften and become plastic. But some of it does­ n't, remaining brittle. This portion turns into little lumps "floating" amid the rest. It is hard to get rid of these lumps. You can whip the dickens out of it, which will work if the ambient temperature is low enough ( less than 70 degrees or so ) . This will take a while. It is much easier to take the butter out of the refrigerator and allow it to come to room temperature, again if the ambient is less than the melting point of the butter, which is around 100 degrees.

It is my tenet that natural foods baking must develop its own set of norms (products) that reflect the intrinsic qualities of the ingredi­ ents being used. It is generally not possible to substitute radically different ingredients (honey for sugar, for instance) and end up with the same product, especially for cakes. Read the last two columns on cake making for examples of this. Some baked goods do lend themselves well to ingredient substitution. I will expound more on this theme in a future column. Meanwhile. I will keep my eyes and ears open for more of this type of information.

The book references that you give are excellent.

Tassajara is one of the finest bread books around. The other two are very good as well. I have heard many compliments about UPRISINGS.

With that knowledge in mind, whip your butter light and fluffy. Remove it from the bowl, if you are going to use the same bowl for making the meringue and wash it t h o r o u g h ly . In all events, there must be absolutely no trace of grease (including, especially, egg yolks) or the whites will not whip up properly.

In answer to your question about using whole wheat pastry flour as a substitute for white flour in bread, refer to my columns on bread baking. Pastry flour, white or whole wheat, is in no way a substitution for bread flour, white or whole wheat. The reason whv it makes bread "softer" is due to its lack of proteins which form gluten (which is tough and elastic) and give bread its "hard" quality. It is not wrong to use it, however! Long ago, before the development of high protein wheat flour, these softer flours were all that was available. The bread then, though denser, did have a softer, more silky texture. I will explain this more comprehensively when I talk about the history of baking.

[The bread's finished! Four (not so) little loaves and soooo beautiful. Wish you were all to break it with me!!]

For buttercream made with sugar (for that is the easiest) place the white in the bowl and add the sugar.

A note here: the granulation of store bought sugar is often too coarse to dissolve completely. Use fine or superfine sugar for this.

Do not use confectioner's. The cornstarch content of confectioner's sugar makes for a frosting with a gritty or pasty taste. With the mixing bowl set in warm, not hot water (you don't want to cook the whites for breakfast!) mix the whites with your hand until there you cannot feel any grains of sugar left at all, i.e., until it is c o m p le te ­ l y dissolved. Any graininess will carry over into the completed frosting. Do not whip the whites while you are dissolving the sugar. Once you make the meringue, the sugar will no longer dissolve.

********************************************** The last two columns were about cakes. Barry has requested some info on frostings while Kelly wants to know more about natural ingredient substitutions. Let's follow all 3 to a logical outcome and talk about a frosting that you can make with natural ingredients or sugar, as per your preference, and that you can apply to those now-improved cakes!

Specifically, I will talk about b u tte r c r e a m that can be made with honey, maple syrup, or sugar.

The other ingredients, eggs & butter are natural and delicious enough, begging no interchanges.

However, you can use margarine for the butter, though the flavor is just not there. There is no substitution (that I know of) for the egg whites in this recipe. Here it is: BUTTER

1 #

EGG WHITE8

4

oz.

4

oz.

SUGAR

__ Qp _

HONEY/MAPLE SYRUP

Now, whip the whites into a stiff meringue.

6 oz.

The procedure for both of the these recipes is basically the same. The butter is whipped and set aside. The whites are whipped with the sugar OR honey OR maple syrup to a meringue after which the butter is added, whipping until the proper consistency (lightness). You can add the flavor with the butter.

However there are major differences, which I will get to momentarily. First, let's talk about 18

At that point, add the butter in dollops while you continue to whip the whites at a lower speed.

The mixture might reduce in volume, separate, or get soupy, or all of the above, but it will recongeal and whip up nicely. Add your flavoring at this point and continue whipping till the desired consistency is reached. If you are using the frosting for piped decorations, you'll want it on the stiffer side (the more that you whip, the softer it becomes) . If you want to ice a cake, a softer frosting is good, especially if the cake is cold. Why would the cake be cold, you might wonder?? A partially frozen cake will cut into layers more easily than one at room tempera足 ture.

FRESH CRANBERRY TARTLETS

2 c. fresh cranberries 1 c. sugar (or honey) 2 T. cornstarch 1 3 c . water 1-1/2 c. flour 1/2 t. salt 1/2 c. shortening 1/4 c. grated coconut 3 to 4 T. cold water 1 (3-oz.) package cream cheese, softened 1/4 c. sugar (or honey) 1 egg 1 T. milk 1 t. lemon juice 1/2 t. vanilla extract 1/4 c. grated coconut Additional grated coconut (optional)

For honey or maple syrup, the procedure is different. Whip the butter as before, clean the bowl, put the whites in the bowl, and get your mixer ready to rock! Place the sweetener into a small pot and with a frying thermometer in it.

Use a thermometer! Heat rapidly to 242 degrees.

At that point begin whipping your whites on high speed. At 252 degrees remove it from the heat and run it into the whites, as you continue to whip on high speed, touching neither the beater or the sides of the bowl with the stream. The reason for this is that if the stream of hot honey or maple syrup touchs the bowl or beater, it immediately hardens. These hard lumpettes will texturally detract from an otherwise smooth frosting. This whole procedure cooks the whites.

Continue whipping until the whites cool down to 80 deqrees or so. This might take a while. You can use a cool water bath to hasten the lowering of temper足 ature. When the whites have cooled sufficiently, add the butter and finish as above.

Combine first 4 ingredients in a heavy saucepan; stir well. Bring to a boil; cook 1 to 2 minutes or until cranberries pop and mixture thickens, stir足 ring constantly.

Remove from heat; cool.

Cover and chill.

Combine flour and salt; cut in shortening with pastry blender until mixture resembles coarse meal.

Stir in 1/4 cup coconut.

Sprinkle cold water (1 tablespoon at a time) evenly over surface; stir with a fork just until dry ingredients are moistened. Shape into a ball; chill.

Roll dough to 1/8-inch thickness on a lightly floured surface. Cut into 6 (5-inch) circles; fit into a 3-inch fluted tart pan.

Combine cream cheese and sugar; beat on medium speed of electric mixer 1 minute or until smooth.

Add egg, milk, lemon juice, and vanilla; beat until smooth. Spoon about 2-1/2 tablespoons cream cheese mixture into each tart pan; bake at 350F for 25 minutes or until set. Cool.

Neither of these frostings are very sweet. They definitely are rich, though! You won't need gobs of this buttercream on the cake, remember, you just want to cover not smother it. The one using the liquid sweeteners has, of course, the flavor of the sweetener. If you use a light honey, this is not overbearing. Both can be made ahead and stored or frozen. To rewhip: place a portion of the frosting in a bowl over warm water and work until it's pliable. Put it on the mixer and whip, adding more of the colder stuff as you go. Whip or beat until it is the right consistency.

Stir 1/4 cup coconut into cranberry mixture; spoon evenly into tart shells.

Sprinkle additional coconut on top, if desired.

CRANBERRY-ORANGE BREAD 2 c. flour 1-1/2 t. baking powder 1/2 t. baking soda 1/2 t. salt 1 c. sugar (or 3/4 c. honey) 2 T. shortening 3/4 c. orange juice 1 egg, beaten 1 T. grated orange rind 1/2 t. almond extract 1-1/2 c. cranberries, coarsely chopped

( I just had to taste some of the bread to let you know how it is since you've been here for the Baker is delighted even if his Buns are getting bigger!!!! ]

Combine first 5 ingredients in a medium bowl.

Combine shortening and next 4 ingredients in a small bowl, stirring well.

Add orange juice mix足 ture to dry ingredients, stirring just until dry ingredients are moistened.

Fold in cranberries.

Spoon batter into a greased and floured loaf pan.

Bake at 350F for 1 hour or until a wooden pick inserted in center comes out clean. Cool in pan 10 minutes. Remove from pan, and cool on a wire rack.

Well, I guess I'll sign off for now. Take care of yourselves and each other. So long til next time.

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A w a k en ed this morning to dream s o f a f r ie n d a n d m yse ff ligh tfy, gentfy. touching one another Slow lij increasing in intensity o f depth M ovin g me. m ovin g us. to a greater understanding o f how our bodies are m ade a n d how they can interplay. Losing boundaries, not sure where m y skin stops a n d his skin begins C o fd w a ter from the bathroom sink, sp (ashing atoareness a n d afiveness into me. into m y day D ogs ju m p in g up arou n d me. running arou n d in circles fille d w ith excitement, ready, more ready than m y se ff fo r their m orning walk, O ut on the streets once again, in a city fiffe d w ith an energy so intense it surrounds you a n d envelops you as you w an der the m a z e of bu ildin gs a n d sidew alks 'Being o verw h elm ed w ith stim ufi. the smeffs. the sounds, the sights. B lending together, becom ing one w ith them as / moire over a n d through the landscape Binding heaven in a chocofate croissant a n d fo u r or fiv e cups o f coffee, in a courtyard closed o fffro m the city aro u n d m e Jfo thoughts to the future, no thoughts o f the past, livin g on ly in the beauty and com plexly interw oven sim p lic ity o f the present 71 conversation w tth a stranger, bein g a sk e d o f l live here a n d answ ering yes. because rea lizin g that w h ile / am visitin g here I am most definitely living and nothing outside o f this m om ent exists T ossing people on the street, sharing a hello or g o o d morning, a sm ile, eye contact 'W orlds colliding, flo w in g p a st one another, like b lo o d cells floating through m y veins, each separate, each p a rt o f an organism larger than them, p a rt o f them, a ll the sam e, a ll different B inding m y w a y around the city on a b o rro w ed bike, stopping to hear a street m usician, tim e spent in a coffee house

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Blessed Be, I hope all of you are enjoying the holiday season and haven't pigged out too much.

I know I tend to do that if I'm not careful.

I hope all of you were able to get a winter garden in and you're enjoying it now.

It's so nice to go out and pick something fresh for dinner when the world around you is dead or asleep and barren.

Well, January gets off to a start with the Earth being at perihelion, its closest point to the sun, on January 2nd.

It will be 91,400,005 miles from the sun.

The morning of the 4th we will pass through the Quadrantid meteor shower. It will peak about 5:00 AM EST and they will be coming out the north at a rate of 40-150 per hour.

It will be spring before we see another meteor shower.

The morning of the 6th the waning moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. It will be above and right of Jupiter.

The 11th is a day I wish we could block out the sun.

That day is the new moon and in a space of about 18 hours the dark moon will conjunct the 6 planets that are in Capricorn.

If you could block out the sun, you would get to see five stars and the moon in a cluster.

The last time there were 7 planets conjuncting in one sign was in 1962 in the sign of Aquarius.

The only ones who saw that "star" were the ones in Java who were in the path of a total eclipse.

With the sun blocked out momentarily, they would have been able to see the five planets that were conjuncting.

To say the

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February gets off to a good start with Mercury conjuncting Saturn on the 1st. Just right of where the sun went down, you'll see Saturn. Mercury will be just above and right of it. The morning of the 3rd the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter.

It will be just below and right of Jupiter. The morning of the 27th Mercury will be conjuncting Mars. It will be below and left of Mars.

The next morning it will be above and left of Mars.

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March starts off with the waning moon conjuncting Jupiter on the morning of the 2nd.

The moon will be above and right of it.

The morning of the 9th the moon will be conjuncting Mercury.

It will be above and right of it. The next morning it will be below and left of it. Just below the moon will be Mars with Saturn just below it. With four planets l i ^ d up, this would be a good morning to get up b e ^ r e sunrise.

The morning of the 13th Mars will conjunct Saturn.

Here in the USA we won't get to see the actual conjunction, but those of you in western Europe will. It will take place at 5:01 AM GMT. This will be a very close conjunction with Mars to the left of Saturn in this double star.

That same evening, the new crescent moon should be visible as a very thin pencil-line crescent.

It will be conjuncting Venus.

The actual conjunction takes place at 7:11 PM EST with the moon to the right of Venus.

The morning of the 24th Mercury will conjunct Saturn which is a morning star now.

The actual conjunction will take place at 4:58 AM EST. This will be an extremely close conjunction with Mercury on the right of this double star.

We will end the month the way it began with the moon conjuncting Jupiter.

The moon will be above and right of Jupiter.

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This is the time of year to start getting the cold frames and greenhouse ready so you can get an early start on bedding plants for spring.

The best days for above-ground crops to be planted in January are 15, 16, 20, 21, 24, 25, and 26. The best days for planting below-ground crops are 6, 7, and 10.

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The best days in February for above-ground crops are 11, 12, 16, 17, 18, 21, and 22. The best days for below-ground crops are 2, 3, 6, 7, and 8.

The best days for above-ground crops in March are 15, 16, 17, 20, 21, and 22.

The best days for below-ground crops are 1, 2, 6, 7, 10, and 11. <d

Well, I guess that about does it for this time.

This is the fifth anniversary of my doing the lunar calendar.

I want to thank the many of you who have given me your encouragement and support.

It means a lot!

May Father Sky and Mother Earth bless each and every one of you, and may your new year be filled with new and wondrous adventures.

So long for now.

Take care of yourselves and may love be the wind beneath your wings.

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February progresses, the days begin to lengthen perceptibly, balmy spells spread their Gulf warmth across the land, new seed catalogues sprout like weeds in my mailbox every week, and my country blood begins stirring, in concert with the sap of the maples and elms. In short, my annual infection with SPRING FEVER shows its tell-tale signs of beginning.

There is no “treatment” of the fever. Fighting it is counter­ productive; giving in to it, feeding it, fanning the embers until it flarnes-this is productive coping! In the heat of the fever’s peak: renewal, like the plants, energy for a new season. So I give in to it, gaining from its energizing drive, taking the impulsive, lazy woodland walks; lying lizard like, naked on the still-cold ground in the noonday sun, alternating between goose-flesh and bone-drenching warmth at the whims of the slightest breeze that brushes by; cultivating, digging into the soil, impulsively gardening - as if possessed - driven to plant seeds, then watching the sprouts, and finally, at the peak of the fever’s grip in May: feeding it on strawberries and ripe dewberries, picked in the same impulsive, consuming drive which previously governed the planting urge, but now with a deep euphoria attending; and encouraging every infatuation, reveling in sensuousness.... But I get ahead of myself....

The onset of my spring fever may be marked precisely by when the sap sums to rise in the elms and maples; here in the middle south in the region surrounding Short Mountain Sanctuary usually in early or middle February. The very first rite in my own personal celebration of Le Sucre du Printemps is tapping the Sugar Maple trees. Oftentimes, snow and frosty turf may still be thawing while the buckets are hung, allowing the worker to enjoy some of the first warm air of the season while observing its subtle effects: one can hear the trickle of water everywhere in the forest, and the little creeks and their branches are all flowing - murmuring in full tones. I f a day is warm and sunny, say 50 degrees (F) or so, calm, following a frosty night in the 20’s, one can be certain that the sap is up. In such circumstances the shavings that twist out around the auger as the hole is drilled will be soggy and wet, and only seconds after the spout has been tapped in and the bucket hung there will be an orgasmic spurt of sap followed by the steady pulse of the sap dripping in the empty bucket As 1 always do. I immediately kneel beneath the first spout, so that the first drops of cool, clear liquid might fall on my tongue directly from the tree. Pausing after driving in the last spoul, listening to the steady rhythm of the sap dripping in the buckets and the murmuring of the water in the streams, it is as if one can HEAR the pulse of the forest as it rouses itself for Spring....

Residents in the eastern half of North America may recognize a variety of special natural events as the “first sign” of the approaching spring season: a flock of geese noisily winging northward, the blooming ot Witch Hazel, or the daffodils and jonquils sprouting bravely into the stark, winter-ravaged landscape. Following these events by a few days, perhaps, but still long before the leaves bud out, usually in early February in the vicinity of Short Mountain, the elms and the maples bloom. Few folks ever notice - the flowers are tiny and inconspicuous. But for those who are alert to such things, it is the time for rejoicing when the clusters of blossoms which color the branches of the maples are sighted, for along with the elms, they are among the earliest harbingers of the approaching spring. The blossoms are soon followed by the developing seeds, which mature and fall even before the leaves are fully matured. Children are particularly delighted by the unusual winged seeds which whirl helicopter-fashion as they descend.

Blossoms of the Red Maple, a common species throughout eastern North America, are deep red; though quite small they are borne abundantly and show prominently during the few brief days they appear, giving the entire tree a dull red appearance. Sugar Maple blossoms are less conspicuously colored, imparting a greenish-gold appearance.

However, there is another more subtle and less visible event which precedes almost all of the other “signs” of approaching spring; it is actually a necessary precursor to the blossoming of the maples. This outstanding first signal is the running of sap which commences in members of the Maple Family.

Although the making of maple syrup and maple sugar is widely regarded as a traditional New England practice, it is perfectly feasible in the Midwest and Middle South. Maple sugaring was formerly practiced in the Appalachian and Midwestern states as well as the Northeast Ohio was once a major commercial producer. The two essential elements for maple sugaring are a suitable climate and, of course, maple trees.

Contrary to expectations, the climate in the region around Short Mountain (Tennessee, Arkansas, northern Georgia, Alabama, and Mississippi) is usually appropriate for good sap runs several days each spring. Careful records of weather and sap flow from Sugar Maples tapped experimentally over an eight year period indicate that m aking maple syrup at a location about 50 miles from Memphis, TN is almost as practicable as in Vermont. The sap flow compares favorably in quantity most years, though our syrup season is normally somewhat shorter, and occurs much earlier.

24

Traditionally, one species of maple, the Sugar Maple (also known as Hard Maple or Rock Maple) has been preferred as a source. It is slightly superior in some ways, bit in fact, any member of the Maple Family will serve quite well.

A variety of maples are commonly found in the eastern U. S. These include the Sugar Maple, the Red Maple, the Silver Maple, and the Boxelder. The leaves of the Sugar, Red, and Silver Maples resemble each other closely, but the Boxelder, which lias a compound leaf composed of three to five leaflets, is distinctly different; it is occasionally referred to as the Ash-leaved Maple. Boxelder is quite common in lowland areas.

The Silver Maple, abundant on the edges of swamps and along major streams and rivers, is not to be confused with the so-called “Silver-Leaf Maple” or White Poplar, a European ornamental frequently seen around old home sites, which is in the poplar or aspen genus of the Willow family, and thus not a sap and sugar producer.

The Sugar Maple is found sparingly in the mountains and highlands; in the South it is restricted mostly to deep coves and moist, north-facing slopes. It is absent from the lowlands. Sugar Maples make an attractive and problem-free tree and are widely planted as ornamentals. A brilliant display of autumnal colors further enhances its desirability for landscaping use.

Tapping a maple tree is a simple matter. Using a hand auger (brace-and-bit), a one-half to a three-fourths inch hole is bored about three inches deep on the southward facing side of the trunk. The hole need not be any deeper, as the greater volume of the sap flows in the outer wood (“sapwood”) near the bark, the hole is angled slightly upward, to facilitate the sap running out. More sap will flow on the south (sunny) side of the tree, and it will start to flow earlier. After the hole is cleaned out, a spile (short pipe or spout) is inserted, and a bucket is hung beneath to catch the sap. Metal spiles can be purchased, but it is more fun to make your own. The stems of Smooth Sumac tree s (Rhus glabra) lend themselves perfectly to the task. Stems with a diameter just slightly larger than the hole should be chosen, cut to length, and the soft inner pith reamed out with a stout wire. On end is whittled clean to drive into the tree and the other is notched so that tire bucket will hang securely on it.

The flow of sap is determined by day to day weather conditions.

The sap runs best on a warm day following a frosty night. In the vicinity of Short Mountain, start tapping maple trees on the First warm days in January or early February. The taps will produce for the duration of the flow, a period which may last a few days or a few weeks. The end is signaled when the buds begin to expand and unfurl.

Exactly when should taping begin? In the South a little sap may flow any w'arm day after Christmas. However, it is usually nort worth

the trouble of gathering the small quantities from the early false starts.

The main run is to be expected in late January or early to middle February, and the buckets should be up for the First suitable weather in late January. One must simply watch the weather closely, and try to develop an intuition about what the trees are doing. The sap run may not last but a few days —so if you neglect that one perfect week in January or February, you may miss out entirely for that year. The tree does not run sap in such quantities for very long, and only under the special conditions of Spring weather. A hole bored in a maple tree in June or any other time of the year will yield only sawdust.

As for the average, the records from an eight year period near Memphis indicate a fairly consistent trend for the primary sap flow to occur during the First 10 days o f February. The sap flow may be interrupted and halted by periods of warm weather. In a typical year, the First signiFicant flow of sap began on January 25th. There was an excellent sap flow for Five days; then it halted abruptly as the weather grew too warm. Following a cold snap during the First week of February, there was an extended slow flow for for 10 days, again halted by mild weather. A sharp cold spell in late February initiated a Final three day brief and furious run that concluded on the First day of March.

The total number of days that the sap ran in the eight year period varied from only 10 days to an impressive 26 days.

Beginners may be astonished by the quantity of sap the trees produce. During a peak flow, one tap may produce in excess of four gallons during a 24 hour period. One tree may produce 30 to 40 gallons in a season, though much less is more commonly produced.

The sap looks and tastes like water as it comes from the tree. To concentrate the diluted sugar, the sap must be boiled; the water evaporates leaving the sugar behind. It takes an average of 40 gallons of sap from a Sugar Maple to make one gallon of fancy grade syrup, or three to four pounds of sugar. Fancy grade syrup contains a speciFied percentage of sugar, and the boiling sap reaches 219 degrees when this proportion is attained.

Silver Maples. Red Maples, and Boxeldcrs produce just as much, if not more sap at the same time as Sugar Maples. However there is usually somewhat less sugar content. It will take an average of 50 to 60 gallons of sap from these maple species to make one gallon of syrup.

The quality and flavor are similar. Boxelder is still widely utilized in Canada and other areas.

Whether or not collecting the sap harms the tree is a frequent concern. A healthy tree is not harmed by removal of a small portion of its sap. After all, the sap is mostly water, and this is easily replenished by the root system. However, if 10 holes were bored in one tree, so much sap would be lost it would cause the tree to start the year out weak, or could kill it. Studies in Vermont have shown that allowing one hole for every twelve inches of diameter will not unduly stress the tree, and that is the recommended practice. So a 40-inch diameter tree could have three buckets hung on it each year without damage. The spiles are removed as soon as the season is over, and the holes heal quickly, with no special attention reauired.

Altogether the maples are a valuable and enjoyable tree to have around. All produce sweet sap in the spring. The Red Maples and Sugar Maples produce brilliant coloring in the fall. And the Sugar Maple yields high quality, close-grained wood that is prized for making violins and other instruments, furniture, and much more. It is also considered one of the best fuel woods. Attesting to its outstanding value, attractiveness, and utility, the leaf of the Sugar Maple is emblazoned in the center of the Canadian flag, serving as the national emblem of this northern land where many maples j>row.

To ieam more about maples and syrup making, start with the informative discussion offered by the late Euell Gibbons in Stalking the Wild Asparagus. For an incredibly detailed discussion of nearly every conceivable aspect of sugaring, consult The Maple Sugar Book by Helen and Scott Nearing.

“Happy foraging!” y y DANCING MANE

5 « g a r fr\aple. l~eaj References: Gibbons, Euell. 1974. Stalking the wild Asparagus. (paperback) David McKay Co., Inc. Nearing, Helen and Scott. 1970. The Maple Sugar Book. (paperback) Schocken Books.

25

SEED

SWHP

We received a goodly number of responses to the request for an RFD seed swap, judging from the reader survey results many of you call yourselves gardeners, so 1 hope this service will be used and possibly be a way for gardeners to connect. Enclose a self-addressed stamped envelope for all requests unless otherwise noted.

Thanks to everyone who responded, Stv RFD garden editor *Acer Palmatum-Japanese Maple—smooth gray bark and the leaves turn bright scarlet in Autumn.

—George Edington, 570 Sweet Hollow Rd., Bloomsbury, NJ 08804 *Cosmos-resists minor frost, unique cylinder petals —John Ucolano, TO Box 86, Seal Rock, OR 97376 Annuals: “Gomphrena globosa-Buddy dwarf purple blooms “Gomphrena globosa-globe amaranth lavender fields “Trumpet flower—white blooms open in afternoon “Morning glory-pink or dark blue “Castor Bean-bronze leaves, red seed heads repels moles “Castor Bean -purple green leaves blue green seed heads repels moles Perennials:

“ Rose of Sharon shrub-white pink or purple blooms w/ red eye specify color “ Hibiscus-white w/ red eye zone or dark pink specify “Sedum-Autumn Joy-succulent leaves pink flowers turning red “Wistena Vine- lavender blooms “ Yucca evergreen w/ white bell shaped flowers “ Hummingbird Vine-orange/red trumpet blooms attracts Hummingbirds “ Hosta clark green leaves purple blooms part shade “Hosta light green leaves, white blooms part shade “Lobelia-red or blue flowers likes moisture specify color “Coneflower-pink or yellow “Gloriosa Daisy—mixed colors “Mimosa tree- pink powder puff flowers leaves close at night “Achillea-sunset gold scented leaves yellow flowers “ Ironweed-wildflower, royal purple blooms “ Butterfly weed—orange flowers unique seed pods “ Burning bush shrub-lovely red in fall “ Barberry-shrub—red, leaves turn orange/red in fall “ Barberry Shrub-green, leaves turn orange in fall “Pink flowering crabapple “Dogwood “Holly “Aster-lavender or white “Redbud tree --send $.50 per packet to cover postage to Eugene Presley, HC-4 Box 52, Council, VA 24260 Listing is for members of the nightshade family which includes peppers, tomatoes and eggplant. All are open pollinated

“Espanola Improved-similar to nambe larger milder more productive “Long Red Cayenne-little skinny, bright red, fiery hot. “ "Velarde"- my selection like chile pequin productive fiery hot good flavor Eggplant: “Alba-ivory white medium size good flavor hardy —all seed available on first come first served, request no more than five varieties and offer substitutions (second choices). John R. Powell, d o Albuquerque Friends Meeting 1600 5th St. N.W., Albuquerque, NM 87102 “Agastiche foeniculum-anise hyssop-lavender spikes, fragrant leaves “Anemone cylindrica-thimble weed-native prairie plant adaptable “Lily-Aurelian-trumpet type very fragrant white and yellow flowers “Lychnis coronaria-rose m ullein- magenta flowers woolly leaves biennial “Monarda fistulosa-bee balm-lavender balls of flowers leaves for tea “Monarda punctata-spotted bergamot—dry sandy soils “Prunella vulgaris-self-heal-low herb purplish blue flowers heavy soil “Quercus rubra-red oak-collected in central WI Looking for seed of: “Asimina triloba-pawpaw—farther north the better “Chinese delphinium-old fashioned tallish type “Fagus-beech tree-native or European types “Nelumbo-lotus—native or cultivated types “White Iowa seed grown peaches-ones hardy to upper midwest -L arry Savides, RR2 Box 1215, Cazenovia. WI 53924 Perennials: “Datura-angel's trumpet-huge 8" intensely fragrant white flowers “Ratibida pinnata-mexican hat coneflower-yellow flowers robust 48" “ Belamcanda-blackberry lily-orange spotted flowers unique seed heads “Maiva-mallow-royal purple along stalk flowers all summer 60” “ Knipfofi-red hot poker-orangish yellow spikes 30" great en masse “ Inula-elecampagne yellow composite flowers June pretty foliage 30" “ Aquilegia-columbine-mixed mostly white and purple May 18-24" “Achillea-yarrow-yellow on 30" stems “Verbascum-mullein-biennial spikes of white, salmon, pink, violet Annual: “sunflower-gray stripe and multi-flowered mixed colors Vegetables: “celery-solid white variety hardy and productive “ Shungiku-edible chrysanthemum-delicious leaves vigorous -S tv , Rt. 1 Box 84-A, Liberty TN 37095

These are some of my favorite companies to order seeds and garden products from.

Tomatoes:

“ Brandywine--big pink beefsteak “ Red Brandywine-medium sized fruit, somewhat disease-prone “Costoluto Genovese-Italian beefsteak medium-large “San Marzano-indeterminate plum/pear tomato for paste and sauces “Tigerella.ak.a. Mr. Stripey-yellow striped red tomato small in size “Pusa Ruby—from India large cherry/medium small red w/ full flavor “New Mexico Spring-Larly (60 days) medium-medium small “Watermelon Beefsteak-very productive/hardy strain big, oddly shaped “ Delicious-makes record size uniform shape good flavored fruit “German Head-rare heirloom beefsteak excellent flavor low productivity “Sausage- chile-pepper shaped paste, good flavor very late O u k -te m ; “Serrano-bullet shaped, smaller than jalapeno better flavor “Santa Fe Grande-medium size like jalapeno not as hot, yellow “Chimayo-medium small medium hot “Ancho ak.a. Poblano- classic stuffing pepper mild to medium hot, green “Nambe-classic chile shape, medium large medium hot

C A TALO G U ES:

-Thompson and M organ-The seed catalogue for flower growers PO Box 1308, Jackson, NJ 08527 -Seeds of Change—organic seeds unusual varieties heirlooms 1364 Rufina Cir. #5, Santa Fe, NM 87501 -Bountiful Gardens-source for unusual and biodynamic seeds Ecology Action, 5798 Ridgewood Rd., Willits, CA 95490 -Johnny's Selected Seeds-Small company good selection Foss Hill Rd., Albion, ME 04910 -Flower and Herb Exchange—$5.00 membership gets you a seed exchange catalogue with the most unusual selection, recommended!

3076 North Winn RD., Decorah, IA 52101 -Necessary Trading Co-good source for organic pest controls and other organic gardening products, great service!

One Natures Way, New Castle, VA 24127 -Stella Natura-biodynamic planting calendar using astronomy rather than astrology, fun and informative, helps me plan my plantings Kimberton Hills Publications, PO Box 155, Kimberton, PA 19442 26

12.6.92 I have worked diligently on my room, putting a wood surface on a wall, and I have cleaned up meticulously. So, I want something now, a reward. It is a craving, but a sort of clean craving. I'm not sure. But it is not for drugs or alcohol, or food or sex. I want instead to swim n cold water naked, be drenched in a ecstatic scent, or sleep beside someone whose heat is familiar.

a 9.28.92 Triel and I work on the one-person 1 shifter we are calling the confessional as it is } smaller and more private than the four seater Chapel next door. It was the one thing w'omen )! who gathered here tw-o seasons ago requested we add to make it more comfortable for them.

We hear news from Florida that our resident, Eddie, is not well and will not be returning here to live.

1.3.93 This New Year! The past year was the swiftest year, spent at this placid farm, the mild seasons passing. My skin paling, then darkening, softening, then drying out. Over months, the suns, the rains, the winds. Down the long slimy tube of my esophagus passed a thousands sweets, bitters, intoxicants, breads, juices, salads, treats.

My body pleasantly tortured by cold, heat, sweat, sex, dirt, briars, bruises, all melting into a blobbish memory of year.

There are moments of clear blue sky above, but mostly an assortment of clouds, like people on a street comer, each with their motivations, their style, size, shape and garb, forced to overlap on the huge plane of the city. James and Khir are chasing chickens and an excited squawk comes out of them. 1 see one flurry by as though it is scared to death but also with a bird-brained game-like excitement.

10.27.92 Friday night cards, briefly and then writing. Then I retire on Chestnut Ridge—cool breeze, stars—made love to myself under the star light, high on a half a pot brownie. The dry fall leaves, descending, sound like footsteps in the forest. 1 became a bit frightened wishing someone else were here with me. Then, looking up I saw two tree outlines, a huge deer and squirrel hovering over me. Thirty foot tall topiaries, motionless observing and protecting.

The next morning, the wonder of feeling my body naked in the woods. Up early fasting, milking the goats with Gary. Food order was worked out for the month and then a wondrous massage from Robin.

11.12.92 In the car, Triel mentions how quickly I lie about insignificant things if it seems more convenient. It is a lot to consider, a whole way of being, a whole system of defense which should be dismantled. I also think about what Bill said to me, about how I interrupt people when I want to make a joke. How can 1 be with these criticisms, without letting defenses block them, without countering them with replies? I feel thankful that I am given such honest criticisms, and consider how' rare it is that people do that.

11.20.92 Today's wood run, shortly after I got up and ate was a welcome event. Spending these beautiful Indian-summer days indoors working on RFD or in community meetings, has been disappointing at best. The idea of being outside and doing something constructive was exciting. The day was also sprinkled with helping folks on the relatively new Mac, which was warming; years of college not all in vein. We fell an old dead barkless elm above the road near the closest switchback. Counting the rings, it was under forty years, but it was huge, over two feet in diameter. And it split like a dream. Managing the forest and meeting our needs. I wondered how' long it would have taken though without a gas chainsaw. I cut a couple logs myself and felt the power/danger of the machine. Later, after we piled it in the woodshed, someone told us it was actually a valuable Cherry; live and learn.

1.7.93 We tiave gone to Florida to visit Eddie, now bed-stricken and faint with AIDS. I am cooking dinner, but I don't really believe it. I suppose it is easy, chili, cucumbers, rice, bread. How strange food seems. Even eating a cookie reminds me: desire, flesh, ego, death. I feel like his vague suite of consciousness is a familiar one; it reminds me of when I was in the hospital with a ruptured appendix., waiving between worlds, bleak. Fickle, suddenly without humor, every few moments I feel like I want to cry. later, 1 will release. Now I stay attentive, and had a good talk with him I read him a card a friend sent, we spoke and were open to the world. These things.

1.8.92 It's 9:01. S u c h things become important. He breathes infrequently— usually twice a minute— like a monk. last night, after I meditated. I sat there, then lay there, and eventually at four a.m., I went to bed by the foot of his bed though for a while I could not hear his breath. Most everyone slept beside him, a pool of lover-friends.

12:10: Two big clocks, eleven or twelve seconds apart from each other, staring at us. 'ITiey are not visible to Eddie even on those flared moments when he not only takes a deep breathe but also move a leg wobbly and opens his eyes as if surprised to see himself still there.

So many moments I watch for that luggish breath, to be sure he is still alive. We have all cried today, we have all sat beside him, hand gently in frail hand, having our private words with him, connecting as we needed to. I feel we are ready. Life is not so majestic in and of itself.

That he lays here, never to recover, never to enjoy food or visions, or rich love or beautiful hours— it takes all the meaning out of life. Life doesn't seem to be the beating of the heart beneath a flesh-wrapped rib cage. It is not the near-unconscious gasps between the still emptiness.

I sit beside this body, Eddie, and I cannot really wish that he remain alive long. There seems no benevolence in that wish.

2:5 0 :1 walk across the parking lot, cry and seem propelled only by the sunlight. Everything seems so strong, so clear, as though I were tripping. The tears are swelling from my whole body rather than triggered from my thoughts. There were no thoughts (such as Eddie is dying') I just felt it without mind-knowing.

12.4.92 I start rewriting the pom stories I etched out from workshops.

I felt guilty writing gay pom when I am with a female lover, but I know to censor or repress those desires is the worst I can do. I think of men when I am alone and flirt with them when I am with them. This is fine; I can always rethink, relive, dance in a world of new possibilities. We can make new identity and shape new genders. 1 cannot, however, deny. Whenever I see myself censoring, I turn to Whitman, who did not censor his love for men, nor his love for women, or anything else.

Pull it all in: the grass, the roots, the earth; the dew, the blood, the oceans; the insects, the deer, the human flesh; the breath, the air. the stratosphere; the cold night, the heat of dawm, the whole sun!

2.1.93 The mice squeak as they nestle into the styrofoam insulation; it reminds me of long drives, with those blue-speckled white styrofoam coolers in the back seat, their lids and bodies squirking between each other like nurdy lovers mating to the motion of the car. I feel that the mice are roommates, despite their noise. They are welcomely taking the space on the dark side of the wall, in the caverns I do not even know about. Who would deny them such small sanctuary from harsh winter, when it is such little burden? <*»

12.6.92 I am alone and brewing tea because I cannot sleep and so I might as well have a reason for it. The room is lit by a single candle holder my mother gave me—rather, she let me take it from the house.

The solar power is low; rain has descended upon us for days, and I carry this maternal talisman with me as though it were a flashlight, it's beautiful clay surface, it's candle's whispering light.

27

A Day with Mt. Whitney David and I passed the Mt. Whitney trailed signs at 7:30am, Wednesday, October 19, 1988. After just 15 minutes I led us off the trail up along a small stream - he soon had us back on the main trail. Within an hour we were separated - his breathing was labored. My worry about him as I continued was mixed with thoughts that he was taking good care of himself, which turned out to be so. My desire, after 20 years, was to get to the peak - to the top of the grand Spire - today. "Feathers of the Hawk" is the wonderfully descriptive Paiute name for these Mt. Whitney Spires.

I found three wildflower species -- an indian paintbrush, a buckwheat, and a sunflower still in bloom along die upper part of the first run of switchbacks. later. I frequently found dried out 'sky pilot' above the treeline —some day I'll see this plant in bloom. Several times along this part of the trail, while looking up at the towering faces of the morning sunlit south canyon walls, I thought of all the climbing ahead to be ABOVE these soaring elevations! By this time my heartbeat was pounding in my ears.

At the water's edge of beautiful small Lone Pine Lake 1 squatted -- and while face washing felt thankful to share a little with this living lake. I considered the four hearts within my body -- the felt heart, the phantom image heart on the other side of the chest and the 'heart' in the calf of each leg that pumps while walking. 1 gave thanks to the Sun and Planets for gently holding us and then rose up walking away to the main trail. After another half hour climb 1 sat to eat the rest of breakfast -- vegetable juice, sardines, and raw rye gruel while I watched the trail below -- David might still come.

1 left word with returning hikers that I was up this far. Crows and chipmunks sounded along with planes small, large and military. With the military flight sounds came the thought Warrior meets Coyote, big trick comes soon. A few weeks later a "secret" "stealth" delta wing" bomber was "revealed" to the public. Why now?

1carried very little with me: Baseball cap, sweatshirt, light day pack, less than two quarts of fluids, two oranges, a pomegranate, and wore light running shoes...

My heart pounded as climbing continued. Aching came especially to the back left side of my head at about 11,000 feet which persisted until getting up the next morning. Breathing was easy and continued to be. But after 11.000 feet fatigue demanded rest stops. At one of the first of these not far above the treeline, I met the ever fearless Rosy Finches! Just alter sitting down on a flat rock at about Trailside Meadow one of these seed-eaters walked right up on the side of my shoe. Soon I was feeding her(?) a bit of gruel as I ate some. This was the only bird species I saw above the treeline. Again, I felt thankful just being together for a few moments with such a lively fearless creature.

Shortly after this I met George, a young rooter from Poland and Palmdale. I wanted to have a lively conversation with him -- some half my ethnic blood is Polish. But he was not like the Finch I just met! He wanted to be alone -- so after a brief talk in which he said he was glad to be in the U.S. I was on mv way up to the great run of switchbacks to Trail Crest Pass. In a few minutes I was walking through 'talking' talus where not-to-be-seen water flowed below. Above this, in the switchbacks, footing was quite dangerous in places w'here the trail was still iced or snow packed. In places pipe handrails were built for some insurance against severe injury or death from a fall on the adjacent steep sloping rock face. I talked with more people from Poland, others from Oregon and a young couple from London. We were all glad to be here. It was now 12:30 — I needed to be on the summit by 4, Switchback after switchback after switchback! Fatigue once again forced a rest. This time a fearless Finch walked right up on my hand for a moment!

I started collecting a tew small pieces of lichens tor Bill's collection at home in Fairfax. Three common ones here are colored bright chartreuse, redorange. and green. I hen there is a black, a gray, and a light gray —all crustose - like they are 'painted' on the rocks except another black foiose or 'leafy' one. " ^

I had no idea what I was about to see just beyond I rail Crest Pass. The pass is very narrow —standing in the middle I could see a wide view to the east and west.. I ooking down to the west into Sequoia National Park there are the most beautiful palisades stretching for perhaps a half mile from the southeast to the northwest -- Mt. Hitchcock & Hitchcock Lakes. I wanted to stop and gaze but had to move on. On a vertical rock face next to the trail on the west side I spotted a pattern of red-orange crustose lichen 'flow'ers' 'painted' just above the green lichen 'leaves' below. Without a camera I missed a good picture.

Suddenly a loud ringing in my ears - I was afraid. I quickly sat dowai on a rock and in a few minutes the internal sound passed and thankfully did not return again! I felt distinctly 'light' headed now and w'as probably leaning forward more than usual as I stepped. Footing was less sure although I never stumbled badly or fell.I I he last two fniles and 700-toot climb took longer than I wanted. 1 was glad the F-’inches were often at the rest stops. Along this Nevada Crest Trail were notches' or 'drop outs' allowing views to the East, and down the vertical east faces of more than 1,500 feet elevation. These are the little "Feathers of the Hawk" spires to the south of the grand Spire. The primal fear of falling stopped me from getting better looks here between the "feathers."

28

I came up to the summit and the small rectangular stonehouse about 3:30pm. I was the only one up there. The first time 1 was ever at this altitude was ten years ago near Langtang peak outside of Kathmandu, Nepal. 1 signed the register ion the steel box next to the south wall of the house. The sun was clear and bright, with a cool 'quick' breeze. In the distance the air was smoggy to the east and southeast. Smoke in the southwest from a fire in Sequoia National Park. Partly melted light snow between the rocks. Finches here and there.

I was looking for the moonrise and finally spotted the one-day-past- lst-quarter crescent rising above smoggy air. 1 moved up to the crest of the summit as close as fear would allow. The overwhelming vertical drop of some 2,000 feet still contrasts mysteriously in my mind with the expansive rock fields sloping slowly to the west. The views in all directions indicated this was a highest peak (14,495 feet). I wished that the sky was free of smog and smoke —perhaps next time I come up here. Maybe then I can sleep over for the sunrise.

The sun was getting low, it was time to move down, the air was cooling off. I moved quickly down along the trail clearing small rocks as I went. I was happy with being able to climb up here in one day. Before I started back down the main switchbacks 1 met a young fellow from Los Angeles who was going to spend the night on the peak. I warned him about the weather. He assured me he was experienced. Heavy weather is always possible up here, especially after October begins. But the sky seemed to stay clear for a long time this fall.

I went quickly down the main switchbacks, wanting to complete them before dark. I looked forward to the first quarter moonlight after that. I chatted with two men at trail camp. "If I feel good a month from now it will be a better physical exam than I could ever get from a doctor." Then one said he was a doctor! (Perhaps the only adverse effect noticed even months after the climb is a somewhat less clear mid-range vision - possibly from the lack of oxygen above 12,000 feet.)

I continued on my way, bounding down the trail, in the moonlight. At times I was filled with wonder at all the complex computations my body was doing to carry itself this fast, safely down the trail, especially when the moonlight was shaded by the high south cliffs or trees or both in the lower canyon. I stumbled a little several times but never fell. My knees started aching from the pounding of the down-stepping. My leg muscles were very sore. I stopped and massaged them. I wanted to be back now' but had miles to go through all these remembered parts of the trail! In a few places it was not clear where the trail went so I listened to my step sounds and ’felt1the trail. By 8:30 I passed Lone Pine Lake. In the midst of the final set ot switchbacks the bitter odors of the willows were more distinct in the night air.

I walked into the parking lot at 9:30pm. David was sitting on the ground leaning against the car ... waiting. We were glad to see each other. He said he enjoyed a relaxed climb up to the tree line elevation and several interesting conversations with other hikers.

I went to the cold rushing creek water and washed my feet. Soon we were eating a hot plate of noodles with homemade pesto along with cheese and tomato sauce. Then to bed by 11. I was so tired after some 22 miles up and down that I did not fall asleep quickly.

My leg muscles and knees felt plenty sore on waking and getting up. I^ter in the morning in Ix)ne Pine David surprised me with an "I climbed Ml. Whitney" T-shirt. I bought us a wonderful all-you-can-eat Mexican lunch at the ’Cantina.’

Here I am, a month later, responding to Stuart's challenge to write this. I’m thankful for the health to go climbing, and for being with Rosy 1 inches.

The close timing of a full day of events was an unplanned gift. The clear weather of the season was planned for only a little. I was glad to share most all of it with David. Much was given and far more than I am aware of was received!

Carter Rose Thanksgiving 1988

My f r i e n d ' s h o u s e i n t h e sprou ts colors lik e a rainbow p i s t i l I n a summer g a r d e n

woods

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open our mouths ea rth baking stars powdered sugar

The f a e r i e d a n c e r t o u c h e s my n o s e w e l c o m e t o Luna P a r c and I f l o a t b e tw e e n th e

—

29

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^SSOBS 17 I stood in late June, arm in arm, dripping the moonlight from swimming, and breathed the sourwood's sweetness, now the pale seed pods in elegant ranks glow against maroon leaves. It's a fine day to be a fruit. What company I keep!

friends might be confronted by the anti-gay discrimination it represents. We have a talk.

T—is sympathetic.

Allen and Woody also discuss their reactions to their gay friends in the city:

My gay friend A - stops by. He is not interested in living communally. He shows me the two latest disco albums he's just bought. He talks about his up-commg trip to Washington to buy clothes. I think about gay fashion, gay consumerism, and capitalism. I think about the Men Against Sexism trying to put their sewing trip together inside prison. 1 wonder how many disco outfits would equal the cost of one sewing machine. I wonder who I have less in common with, trendy gay consumers or heterosexual communards.

Woody Black

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b l a c k box

ctaience e n g te b tit

Tonight's dance went right well. Had a spat with Eddie. young insecure hippie who couldn't tune into red and green (the terms we've adopted to replace "woman" and "man" in designating roles m set dances). We talked afterwards and mostly he's just muddled, which I think I can work with. "I don't know if I'm gay o f not" he volunteered. Well, he sure won't get any help from Tom it he's looking for answers. I stopped by to drop oft a dance fxx>k I'd borrowed. Tom had taught a class tonight Uxi, for beginners, so we compared notes. Mind you, 1 have put much energy into stewing about Tom and resent the power he has over my peace of mind, but 1 hunger for holding and he's the only one 1 know to turn to. But he's thoughtless, aloof and condescending. Tonight 1 forgot my resolve not to reach out and sure enough when I did I got slapped. Says he's been thinking it over, which is unlikely, and that he's decided he prefers tradition. It was like trying to reason with Phyllis Schlafly.

And Woody Black, from Shannon Farm, writes: 1 write my hetero housemate T-- a note asking him not to leave his M other Earth Mews laying around where I or visiting gay

STOP RAPE STOP RAPE

Issue 17 began the first of four traveling issues which took on a new format of a large fold-out newspaper. While the tour issues did move around, the home-base of RFD was considered to be at Faygele's mother's house in Efland, NC. While talking with Faygele briefly at Short Mountain's recent fall gathering, he asked that I make special note of his mother’s generous role in keeping the magazine alive during that difficult and transient period. Thanks Miriam!

Often the centerfold of these four HIDs were fold out posters of a photo or drawing. Issue 17 has as it's centerfold a group shot of a gathering at Running Water.

The issue's title, Ramblings From Dixie, is appropriate as the magazine is full of personal accounts from various gay men living in the South, most of whom are on collective farms. One exception is the most extensive piece, by Allen Troxler. which is a series of journal entries written between June and September of 1978 as he moved around the Southeast. Like many of the personal accounts, Allen talks about the difficulties of being gay even in a rural alternative setting:

This is a letter to nobody because I don't know with whom to share these tears. I don't know why this comes now, all these contradictions... I've just returned from a three day stay with a gay friend in Atlanta.

H is roots are in rural Georgia and Tennessee and now he lives in the city doing wonderfully imaginative theatre, music and teaching. He was very kind to me— I was sluggish from the muggy, still weather and a cold. We shared what we could. Lots of talk of vision, process, community.

Lovemaking was almost childlike.

And perhaps that's what we both need to deal with. Childhood (Everything comes welling up at once Oh Oh).

And being Southern...One's family, one's people.

Momma. Daddy. Growing up is such a job.

Allen Troxler

The issues of this period were more overtly political and the politics were not isolated to the gay struggle. Feminism, prison rights, nuclear power, etc. seem to weave seamlessly into gay rights. And here’s a fine example; the excerpt below is an account of an action by The New Orleans group Sissies in Struggle, nonetheless it's entitled Solidarity Forever (A Gay Playlet in One Act with Applause). In it four sissies in drag appear at the N.O. Superdome to show support for a teacher's strike. They are not allowed to enter, because of their looks, yet resolve the conflict in this way: But despite the hardship of rural gay living, there are moments of wonder. Again, from Allen's journals: Fairy, sissy, faggot, fruit, pansy and queer. It's not easy to choose from such a richness, but today 1 shall be a fruit... ...In the old pasture pokebemes droop on magenta stalks. Most of the scarlet dogwexxi hemes have been eaten by squirrels. Black walnuts and hickory nuts are down. Hearts-a-burstm' are open and full, orange and dark pink. Where ftjter and

30

” Do 1 u n d e r s t a n d t h a t you w i l l n o t l e a v e ? " "That i s c o r r e c t .

We w i l l m a r c h ) "

He went away and a few m i n u t e s l a t e r was r e p l a c e d by a b l a c k man who i d e n t i f i e d h i m s e l f a s a p a r a d e m arshall r e p re s e n tin g the union.

He r e p e a t e d th e f i r s t m a n ' s r e q u e s t : t h i s was a t e a c h e r s ' s t r i k e a n d , e l a b o r a t i n g f u r t h e r , we we re n o t t e a c h e r s .

Again we s t e p p e d f o r w a r d .

"T h a t's p reposterous!

There a r e p a r e n t s in t h i s m arc h. And c h i l d r e n .

And r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s from t r a d e and c r a f t u n i o n s .

We’ r e a l l h e r e t o show our s u p p o rt f o r the s t r i k i n g t e a c h e r s .

What you a re ask in g of us is b l a t a n t d i s c r im i n a t io n ! "

Though still in newspaper format, issue #19 lacked the colored ink the other issues sported, except for a tad of orange garnishing the centerfold graphic. However, this issue’s back page image is lively, an apotheosis of RFD queer, rural, funkiness. It was produced as a collective effort of both city and country folk.

He h e a r d c h a t .

And so d id a Kr o u P o f t e a c h e r s s ta n d in g in f r o n t of u s .

The un i o n r e p s r e t i r e d t o o u r l e f t t o t a l k , j o i n e d by a few women from t h e s c h o o l l o c a l be h in d whom we wer e s t a n d i n g .

S ud de n ly we n o t i c e d t h a t t h e p o l i c e w er e m a s s i n g t o ou r r i g h t .

Th e r e we w e r e , a t t h e v e r y end of t h e l i n e , un i o n b r a s s on one s i d e o f u s , armed p o l i c e on t h e o t h e r , and l o c a l Red Squad p l a i n c l o t h e s m e n h o v e r i n g a t ou r r e a r .

Word s p r e a d a mong t h e t e a c h e r s i n f r o n t of u s .

Waves o f e n e r ­ gy and s u p p o r t came f l o o d i n g ba c k .

"You wal k!

D o n ' t l e t them p e o p l e t e l l you what t o do! You march w i t h u s ! " The u n i o n - w o r k e r c a u c a s b r o k e up.

The s e co n d map r e t u r n e d t o e x p l a i n t h a t t h e u n i o n want ed t o make s u r e t h e media u n d e r s t o o d t h i s was a t e a c h e r s 1 d em onstration.

(Were t h e y a f r a i d f o u r lo n e S i s ­ s i e s would t u r n t h e i r march i n t o a gay p r i d e r a l ­ l y ? ) T h e r e f o r e , would we p l e a s e wear a ro u n d o ur n e c k s t h e i r s t a n d a r d un i o n s t r i k e p l a c a r d s ?

"Would we? We'd be PROUD t o wear them. Th e re a re four of u s.

Do you ha ve f o u r p l a c a r d s t o spare?"

P l a c a r d s w er e f o un d.

We put them on.

Ever yo ne

IW\_(W)LaUkX~wrfiU— , (n & U m Ml Mrt— The page is charged with radical ideas.

Dennis Melba'son writes, "We live in a society that defines gender role and gender behavior by the clothes we wear. As Tede says in Word is Out: "We are bom naked.

Everyone is in drag." The con trad ict ions of patriarchy often force us into dressing roles that do not reflect our true nature."

Sissieness is explained by David Knudsen: Reclaiming Sissieness is something that has nothing to do with sexual preference or orientations. The scare tactics in the word Sissy are used long before any development of conscious sexuality.

All males (gay straight, in-between) have been shaped (misshaped) by this same socializing tactic.

We have all lost a part of ourselves in order to survive.

And Charlie Murphy offers this Sissie Personal Manifesto: sho ok h a n d s .

We l i f t e d o u r b a n n e r s h i g h and marched o f f w i t h t h e women a he ad o f u s s i n g i n g : S o lid a rity forever S o lid a rity forever S o lid a r ity forever Our u n i o n makes us s t r o n g !

Reco rd ed f o r S i s s i e s i n S t r u g g l e

Revolutionary' Faggots Destre/Ripe Fruit Delta was the double acronym for RFD #18, which was produced mostly in New Orleans.

The issue opens with a 2 page photo essay of Tsusiant Point, a natural coastal area on Vancouver Island. The feature editorial page, entitled SISSIE, explores issues concerning "drag": sissieness, male privilege (how men can take their shirts off and women can’t), heterosexism, capitalism, etc.

I reject in all forms, internal and external, men's learned ami historic fascination with, glorification of and attachment to death.

I claim participation and identification with the nurturing life force that is my birthright, i, along with my brothers, take responsibility for and intend the healing of all men in an ever-growing circle o f men seeking life.

I re-enter with other wise and gentle healers into the family of women and children as we struggle to protect and heal the earth and each other from the continuing ravages of male violence that threatens the life of our planet home now.

Issue #18 also features an article on making baskets and mats out of baling twine,

The issue features much poetry and small graphics strewn throughout. There is a eulogy to Harvey Milk which again sums up the idealism and vision prevalent throughout these issues: Only by working on our own phobias (hat we have about women, Blacks, Chicanos, and Jews, can we build a powerful and effective united front against Homophobia. We, in the process, will become fuller human beings because vw liberate ourselves from sexism and racism.

In struggle for the freedom of Lesbians as women and for the freedom of the minorities of our Gay community, we are Gay brothers and sisters.

We Gays and Lesbians are in a unique historical position... We are the cutting edge of personal and sexual liberation and we are in the front lines for the possibility of a newly liberated human being.

This issue also mentioned the arson at Wolf Creek Community, and discussed how the damage may have been reduced if the sheriff had called the fire department when he heard about it.

‘‘SISSY”

one on raising children, a piece called A Would-be Herbalist, much poetry, and a book review of the (then) new Witchcraft and the Gay Counterculture.

31

Probably the most beautiful cover of the four, and perhaps in all of RFD history is issue #20’s, which is done in a deep blue ink. This issue, produced in Tennessee, has a production staff which includes Short Mountain's own Milo Guthrie, Michael Mason, and John Greewell. Roaring Fresh Decisions is the title of this RFD, perhaps apt because the two main articles are written by women, and are about prison life and nuclear power, rather than specifically gay issues.

June Boyd's prison article/poems is subtitled A Black Strong Woman and is a powerful text laid out with silhouettes of faces behind bars. A portion entitled Bick Pen reads:

Journalist Andrew Kopkind was interviewed about his decision to leave the rural Vermont commune he helped found and his experiences since then. He talked about his growing need for gay culture and other gay people and his increasing separation from the heterosexual rural hippies.

I remember the first time I came back here with my hair cut very short; it was considered bizarre. And in fact 1 had a crisis of identity: was I an urban faggot or a rural hippie? People asked me ‘Why is your hair short?

Why do you look like this?' There’s a whole new look. It has to do not only with obvious things like the cut of hair, but also with clothes, with the way you hold yourself, your manner, your facial expressions, a whole lot of things that you’re not aware of any more. And how does that sit when you come back to your rural home?

I’ve just picked up a dangerous weapon, A Bick Pen. Through this pen my feelings shall flow— for those of you not comprehending my terminology o f Bick let me clarify that line. You see. 1 am being lield in solitary confinement for writing.

Yes! Writing. For expressing my Legal, Political, and Religious beliefs. And you tell me this is Amerrika. You tell me I am not in a concentration camp. And these people have the nerve to talk of Communism. They said that my writing was inflammatory that it could result in a riotous situation. Is my jam that powerful, or is truth the power?

But what about gay communes? Allen Young has a sobering report in his reply to a letter two visitors wrote.

Elsewhere in this issue of RFD. there are references to gay communes. I'm not sure there are any communes left, and if there are, they are very few' in number. Butterworth Farm started out as a commune or a community, but I don’t think that label applies anymore. There are four houses at Butterworth Farm. One house is vacant; its owner plans to use it as a second home. The Peak House is lived in by Bob and Jerry, who work as self-employed carpenters. The octagon is home for three of us - me. Buddy and Denis -and though we try to function cooperatively, it isn’t really a commune. We do not have communal gardens or any communal projects.

We are friends and neighbors; our relationships vary in intensity and closeness. At this point I feel that Butterworth Farm is a place, but I don’t feel that it is a thing or a concept

On the next page there is an ad for these pipes, produced by prisoners, at $15.(X) each.

C olorado

S tate P enitentiary

PETTR P l t - t s

Hobby Shop by a a r a l l

full

of

alaale*

rhea* are also articles on wild fruits from coast to coast, country antique dealings, and gay awareness and native Americans (by Harry Hay and John Burnside).

Issue #21, subtitled “Rightfully Feeling Delirious,” focused on life in rural New England and was done by a group of people spread across the hills of Massachusetts, Vermont, and New Hampshire. Many of the articles dealt with the more difficult aspects of living rurally: isolation, homophobia and the stress of trying to develop alternative models of living without outside support.

Tom Herman and Jeremy Youst (pictured below? purchased the Andrews Inn (a gay bar and hotel) in Bellows Falls, VT. Tom was interviewed about their experience buying the bar in the midst of anti-gay protests. Those protests were organized at the American Legion Hall by a former A. L. Commander and the chair of the local Democratic party. Tom was asked at one point in the interview why he would undertake such a responsibility.

I had a beautiful home on the land trust and led a very lovely life with a wonderful supportive group of friends and lovely animals and a beautiful garden, yet 1 was bored to tears. And that’s not a problem I have right now....I’m in a very lucky' position to be able to have contact with a lot of very interesting gay people from all over the region.

32

any longer. RFD readers who read about Butterworth Farm in issue #7 will see that this evolution makes sense. I, for one, experienced some disappointment, but I have adjusted.

Chi the other hand it feels good to read Carl and Israel’s supportive comments about our efforts at Octagon Flouse. It helps for us to be reminded of the fact that our efforts may in the end be something special.

On a day to day basis, however, we are mostly aware of the mundane things and not the principles that may in fact guide us.

At some point in our evolution we discovered that we had in common mostly this: that we are gay men who want to live in the country. That alone is the basis of our unity — it may be a lot, it may be a little, but it is true in any case.

Issue 22 was one of the largest ever produced, 96 pages. It was titled “The Returning Forest Darlings” and was coordinated by LASIS the Louisiana Sissies in Struggle. It focused largely on the first gathering to actually be called as a Faery Gathering, the one in Arizona on Labor Day weekend in 1979. To be completely accurate, it was called “A Spiritual Conference for Radical Fairies.” Jon Kyper described his experience in an article simply entitled “An Incredible Weekend.” ...three fantastic days of Fairy Circles, workshops, a mudbath ritual, meditation. Through it all the fellowship of living/eating/swimming/celebrating with my brothers in an atmosphere of such relaxation and freedom that I cannot imagine even in San Francisco. I had known only a few of the people before the Conference, but it didn't matter. Outdoor nudity is still something of a welcome novelty to

me, and I felt a warmth and casualness that easily overcame my usual Vermont reserve.

Uninhibited, we showed affection and even made love in the open, which was equally casually accepted without the guilty voyeurism that greets other people’s sexual behavior out in the “real world.”

Friday evening we opened the Conference with a Fairy Circle on the lawn of the ashram. We invoked the Fairy Spirit, different gods and goddesses, Harvey Milk, Walt Whitman, the names of friends who are no longer with us. Harry Hay spoke of his gay vision of “subjectsubject relationships,” of people sharing as equals, rather than the subject-object relationships that pervade our society, cancerously deforming human interaction to the level of exploitation. The energy was even higher at the Fairy Circle the following morning, as one person after another spoke movingly of their experiences of growing up and growing as gay. Before we realized it, we had gone several hours over the scheduled end of the Circle.

There were many other highlights. A Men Against Rape workshop, by the Louisiana Sissies in Struggle, exposed the pain of those of us who have experienced such brutalization or have had close friends who have been raped. Murray Edelman led a “Different Kind of Night at the Baths” group, which was similar to his program of encounter exercises that had proven so successful in San Francisco.

But my best memory of the weekend was the mudbath ritual: joyously caked with mud and with several dozen of my brotherssinging, dancing, shouting-I evoked a sensation of timelessness that 1 sometimes feel during especially satisfying lovemaking, that I am in touch with something thousands and thousands of years old. This skeptical Marxist-Buddhist-Unitarian has become a true believer in the FairySpirit.

Issue 23 was done in Atlanta and was to be the last one done by a group of people who came together for that purpose. Cal Gough had a series of questions in his article about gatherings that are still relevant today.

Why do we have gatherings?

What do we expect from them? It’s obvious that people participate for different reasons, but most o f us come away from a gathering feeling

33

nurtured in some way. We feel “recharged” by fellowship with other gay men in a low-keyed, comfortable, inexpensive, and safe setting.

Fellowship with gay men who are searching for different paths than the one taken by most people in this society, including most other gay men.

At first I thought the goal of our gatherings was to forge a network of like-minded individuals, but I’ve decided that what we're doing may be more interesting than that. I say this because I find myself feeling fondly toward people at these gatherings whose politics-or whose vision of a new “gay culture”--are quite different than my own....Have we kept things unfocused because we like things that way, or is it just a matter of time before we start focusing things a bit more?...Will our good feelings for each other survive the diversity that may emerge if we were to begin articulating what it is we really want, and how- we want to get it? Can we empower ourselves and usher in a new gay culture without attempting a consensus?

The issue was particularly rich in poetry, with two different sections and poetry accompanying articles, twenty pages in all.

Michael Mason and Parabacchus both had good long poems and Franklin Abbott had a poem and article about fathers that was particularly moving. The issue also had eleven pages of contact letters, and one was especially notable. Randy Krahn wrote praising RFD’s contact letters and about meeting his lover. Dave through one.

Fourteen years later they still value RFD’s role in bringing them together. There were only a few photos in the issue, but they were high in quality and tender in content.

Issue 24 had one of the best covers of any issue and was the first one produced at Running Water. It was titled “Rhododendron Fire District,” which is how the area that Running Water is located in was labeled on several local road signs. The collective wrote about changes in the magazine.

This issue of RFD is characterized by a good deal of transition for the publication. It has now moved to its new home at Running Water Farm, in the mountains of western North Carolina. It also now has a collective as its caretakers and that’s us. W e’re the Running Water collective (and now the RFD collective, apparently), and there is a short piece on who we are further on in this issue..... W e’ll be acting as coordinators for RFD for some time into the hazy future, a task which has heretofore been accomplished by Faygele Ben Miriam since the summer of 1978, when it was transferred to North Carolina from Oregon.

Another sort of transition happening is a an experimental one; a change in the assembly process of RFD. Beginning with the upcoming fall issue, general production of the journal will be done here at Running Water; whereas the cover and a feature section of each issue will be assembled by a different group or community.

There was an article by Harry Hay on subject-subject consciousness and one by Don Kilhefner called “A Sprinkling of Radical Faerie Dust” in which he advocated

Rex L. Harold wrote about his experiences in Vietnam in a piece called “Rex Remembers”:

Learning to honor, not hide our being different. Affirming and celebrating our Gayness in original and playful ways. Acknowledging a rich hidden heritage. Finding new models to explain the body of information and intuitive knowledge we have been carrying for a long time, but which had no way to come out.

I would like to tell you how I lived through 12 years of continual stress since I’ve returned, how I’ve relived many unforgettable incidents, and how I am still at war in many ways though you hear no gunfire. I want you to be assured of an obscene truism that once our economical system has utilized you as their pawn, they really do throw you away with no regard to your psychic or mental well-being. Believe me when I say there are no band-aids that can ever cover-up a war stress scar. I can guarantee you that there is nothing worse than watching a young man going through a series of spasms, screaming, crying and a death fear reaction ail at once; this is something a corporate executive does not know exists or maybe it’s a “doesn’t care attitude.”....Let’s all actively participate in the rally against re­ instating registration and the draft.....

Franklin Abbot’s piece was an evocative depiction of what we hoped to create to replace the hard, harsh structures of government and industry that could blithely send young men off to war.

M editations on a M agicf&f 'Wfieef

fa e rie Tower / Qentfe Hesofoe T rankfin A b b o tt The parts of magick^never quite describe its whole There is in m a g icfa silence behind the sound, a spaciousness behind the form, a wisdom beyond its particulars To practice m a g icf is both to delight in its ritual and to w ait on its essence: elusive, synergistic, primordial, uncharted, unfettered flowing, never the same, nor does it change. It is simple, only, always, now

to the hands o f its clocks so that o ld bodies w ill not die. Magic f_is Shiva, in decomposition releasing oldform s inviting creation as fresh an d unique as each moment emerging.

O m laughing Waterfall spirit, om graceful apple tree deva. Tire salamanders, nymphs of the wind, spirits o f rocf^andrivers an d flowers, om om om om.

“R elax and deepen Create safe space. Qround a n d center. Ask. and w ait Open Receive. Imagine and channel. 7{etum a n d remember Celebrate 'Patriarchy means some have more food, money, power, importance TAagtdf renders equal shares to all. Patriarchy relies on form fitting suppression of desire: rig id minds an d regimented bodies , a carrot dangled, seen and smelled, but rarely tasted. Magick.invites expression, a loose imagination, supple bodies lithe to dance, full of play, eager for feasting, easy to rela \a n d enter deep willingness to fe e l beyond the bounds of sftn Circle casting breathing in an d out. The breath is shared by all.

In and out each from private hearts that open, join life spokes of a wheel to thetr ltub Centered melting hearts reverberate, growing stronger, pulsing out. radiating vibrations, a loving. gloWtng mandala o f light, impenetrable love from the heart of hearts breathing in and out o f a common breath, perpetual fountain of deep inner quiet The patriarchy bred o f fear and hunger mounts arsenals, rattles cages, stages hangings electrocutions. M a g tc f knows and is the power o f love, the spring that follows winter, the harvest that feeds, the snow that purifies a steeping planet Magicf^is yielding, changing, a spinning wheel Patriarchy invents time, calls it inevitable, then holds

iMagick. knows no separation from nature, no conquest o f instinct or fear of the night. Touch the earth allowing the loss of two beings meeting. 3eing earth being self inseparable. Mere is a center so lid as mountains, f lu id as oceans. A paradox strong a n d permeable both.

'Waiting stands open accepting surprise. 'Without expectations receiving a message that lives as a feeling that flows as an answer to a question unspoken. Timerge then an image transmitted in loving, enlivened by breathing soft through the heart of hearts, compassion made firm a n d pure breathing in a n d out of a common breath.

Patriarchy w ill count its tomorrows a n d summon its armies to Write its rules in stone: insist on its rites, restrict its expressions of living and loving.

Smoothing a n d rounding m a g ic f flow s like Water over stones Patient, w atting, gentle, constant. Soft in changing, changing alxvays.

Celebrate: undulating circles make, manifesting jo y in dancing, love delighting, apple eating, pan piping, flow er laden feasting tables, pie fille d appetites, a ll f a ll down, bodies mixing moving parts, interweaving soft caresses, sleep coming under stars, ending cycles, dew falling making fresh Smoothing an d rounding m agickjlow s like dreams over muscle an d bone Patient, waiting, gentle, constant. Soft in changing, changing alw ays

Om compassionate faerie

r. Shine an d blessed be.

34

By m id-1980, production on RFD had slipped behind schedule.

Seasonal gardening tips and dated info on gatherings and events were often reaching readers after the fact. Thus, for the first and only time in the magazine's history, two seasons were compressed into one number and Issue ft 25, the second to be produced by the Running Water Collective in North Carolina, was labeled Fall/Winter.

On the inside front cover, which had lately come to be known as the Crisis Page, they reported some improvement in the financial picture. Some loans and back bills had been paid off, the cover price was raised from $2 to $3 and more advertising was being sought. There were 500 paid subscriptions and 200 "gratis", going mostly to incarcerated people.

Also, the collective had impaneled a "consulting circle" of seven individuals (around the nation, more than half being country residents, to assist in editorial decisions.

Difru t t i

column ottered up his personal musings as he ceaselessly travelled between faerie enclaves. RFD, which had already been criticized by more than one reader tor its "nellie bias" (another identified himself as a STIFF or Straight-Identified Faggot) was rapidly becoming the unofficial media organ for this emerging faerie network. Personal accounts of gatherings and political manifestos began to take up a substantial share of the journal's space. What most of these articles shared were a newly-emerging fey/faerie consciousness that affirmed a gentle, sensitive gay masculinity and an affinity for, if not a total identification with, neo-pagan spirituality.

Photo

by M ilo

The second national Spiritual Conference for Radical faeries in as many years had just occurred in August, and the influence o f these celebrations was swift and widespread. $1500 in surplus receipts from the conference helped initiate a Faerie Fund to seed cultural, political and spiritual projects, and efforts materialized in numerous locations to establish cooperative and consensually-administered fairie sanctuaries.

An average of six to eight gay gatherings, many self-described as faerie and most in rural areas, were announced in each issue, including fests in Saskatchewan, Australia and Germany. Crit Coin’s Gypsy Shaman

''r '

■ & i

1 v- y

\ t

;- .r / ...f

* ;

y

i *v

Is it.>6d crumnai dct n joat didtc ?

Our long-term survival as a species and as a faerie-people requires that we manifest creative alternatives to straightman economic / social / religious false-self systems. This will come through months and years o f collective and communal faerie-life. Our culture will evolve spontaneously as we make music, build dwellings, grow new crops, do ceremonies, and make love. Our complete success will not be immediate, but we begin NOW! - M ilo in A Faeryist Not - Man - ifesto, Issue ft 25 35

Oik writer explained this synthesis quite succinctly. "The term Fairie sums up for me that childhood spirit I never allowed to die -- my intimate bond with Nature, its energies, its moods and passions."

Flowever, he added this caveat.

"Fairie Consciousness and the Pagan revival aren't one. They help each other, even complement each other, but need to be separate for many o f us."

Some gay men felt comfortable in creating a gay presence within traditional Pagan circles. In Issue tt 25, Ray Nelson offered a comprehensive report on the lifealtering changes he went through at the PanPagan Festival in Indiana. His delightful story of one self-empowering experience from that event is excerpted here.

Clearly, a large portion of RFD 's readership recognized, as did one essayist, "a need for a new language." The elements of that Mother l ongue, some newly-crafted and others rediscovered from ancient traditions, continued to evolve in these pages.

In excerpts from his personal journal of the second national gathering, Dennis Melba'son mentions rumors of an open split between Harry Hay and Mitch Walker, two of thechicf Faerie Con­ sciousness theorists.

"Harry's visions are practical, political, pragmatic.

Mitch's are mystical. sexual/spiritual and healing. We need all of txith their visions equally." But not at any price.

I>ennis reminds us that no one has "the Final Word or the Ultimate Vision.

No one 'leads' Fairies."

In a treatise entitled, A Faeryist Not Man ifesto, written on the eve of Reagan’s first presidential election, Milo states that "Faeryism is a particular blend of sexuality, spirit and politics." In an effort to create an "operative political framework," he suggests that faeries must be upfront queers and faggots who repudiate assimilation ism, male privilege, sexism and racism.

In another piece called Praise the Goddess ami Pass the Ammunition, Clover Chango contributes the provocative notion that "Radical Sissyhood is the drag queen rage extended into new areas." Indeed, a group called FASIS (Louisiana Sissies In Struggle) propounds, "Gay People, by our very existence, are sexual terrorists. We challenge all norms of behavior. . . .Sissy drag is an attempt to rid ourselves of visual male privilege.”

THE

5HAWL

from the journal ofDennis Melba'son August 1 1 -1 2 , 1980

liu! lest anyone accuse RED of being a cozy haven lor political Correctness, another correspondent offered up this objection.

And then there's the Kitchen Queen department, complete with a male graphic wearing a frilly apron and tiara, who seems to lx* going through some sort of gender confusion. . . . I'd like to show RFI) to some of my straight friends . . .

Couldn't the kitchen person just be in a sport shirt and plain apron? Then the majority would not be offended."

And when an article entitled Spiritualities for (lays accused Paganism of "flimsy intellectual underpinnings" and called gay pagans "Mama's boys" who would find that "worship of the Female culminates in castration," letters of protest arrived in profusion.

With Issue tt 25, the magazine began a senes of thematic le*ature articles, The first was The 0:urk Experience, a son o f gay chamber-of-commerce brochure complete with centerfold "Ozark Faerie-Land" map which promulgated the message that "Life in the* O/arks is good!" and encouraged ail might find E lD c rs, wherever they themselves, to heed the advice of poet Gary Snyder to "Dig in and develop a sense of place." This was followed by Men's Music in Issue tt 26. which should have taken its acronym from the title o f one of the articles

Perhaps, in some Goddess-guided way the shawl will lx* the power object that heals all our spirits. . . .1 walked into the Circle holding the folded-up Cernunnos Shawl tight against me. I have known for eleven months - since the design/vision came to me on September 24, 1979 - that it was for this moment the shawl was meant. For eleven months I have known that when the moment came I would have to say something. What?

When the moment came, eleven months of rehearsed speeches fell away and my eyes began to blur with tears. I asked for help and immediately two Fairies were holding me.

And thus the Cernunnos Shawl was offered to the Fairy Gathering. A few minutes later a Fairy leaped into the Circle to suggest that the shawl be worn by whoever was speaking.

And so it passed from shoulder to shoulder.

And so it will pass into our lives. the Cernunnos Shawl, its tatters mended, is currently residing at Short Mountain Sanctuary. It is available tor visits to taeie gatherings and festivals. Contact WI7NTER SMS. Rt. I Box 84-A, Liberty, TN 37095.

5 & L 5 T IC E -7 9

Ragtime fairies Dancing. It 27, Summer '81, appeared as Rhyming For Daze and featured 24 pages |! | of poetry. A special gem nestled among all that versifying is this little-heard quote from Mark Twain.

I should like to dress in a loose and flowing costume made all of silks and velvets resplendent with stunning dyes, and so would every man I have ever known; but none of us dares to venture it.

Reality Finally Dawns, tt 28, presented the story o f gay alcoholism.

In the Spring of '81, Mother Earth News — tor the third time in seven years — rejected RED 's request to advertise in its pages.

Iheir refusal letter, far more impersonal and perfunctory than its predecessors, was reprinted in RED tt 26 without comment.

In that same issue, the listing of Brothers Behind Bars letters ran to eight pages, virtually as large as the ten-page ( ontact letter section and almost three times the space we generally allot today. Also, scattered throughout the Contact letters were briet requests for assistance here at Short Mountain - one seeking a carpenter, another a piano tuner and a third, more

tone bells -suspend a collection of ttys, m ils, t u b e s (wood or m efa \)o r te e n situtru/CLrc fro m cl sm a ll fram e 36

whimsicalpiece that read: "Patron Wanted.

No experience necessary. Send SASE to Short Mountain, Liberty, TN." 'Ihroughout the seventh year of RED, the volume and quality of practical information provided by and for readers was unpreced­ ented. By this point in the magazine's evolu­ tion, those who began as neophyte home­ steaders had had plenty of opportunity to make the big mistakes and learn from them. The tried - and - true results proved to be detailed, expert advice on everything from composting to astral projection.

With the Ozark Issue, Jerry

Stamps came on line with his informationpacked Apothecary column.

Our regular Kitchen Queen feature was occasionally augmented by special recipes like Constance Bitching’s Brownie Surprise (You can guess the surprise ingredient) An only partial list of other informative articles from that year contains:

Unfortunately, the Crisis Page continued to appear. In Issue tt 27, Ron Lambe titled his report, Help!!

1 Need Somebody. Facing a summer on the land alone, with no assistance or support in publication, the future of Running Water and the journal were in doubt A group of over fifty people had pledged $5 - $10 per month to allow collective members to live on the land and continue their activities. But after two 96-page issues, printing bills were overdue and only generous loans from friends and the Fairy Fund were keeping the magazine alive. By the Fall '81 issue, # 2 8 , the immediate crisis seemed past, but the core problem remained unsolved.

RFD, like many rare blossoms, had always been fragile. Now it appeared to be an endangered species.

June 21*t Summer noon

77.5°

Herb Garden Primer (Issue 25) Selecting a Solar-Suitable Site (25) Wind Power Do you need it? (25) Aphrodisiacs (!) (25) Mongolian Cloud Houses: How to Make a Yurt and Live Comfortably (26) One Scoop per Poop: The Homestead Outhouse (26) Eat Your Wildflowers (26) and French Intensive Gardening |! | (27)

E x c e r p ts f r o m

A

(p e rs o tx d l

Q^eport of

C >Tbe

cFestiVixl

August 21-25, 1980 b y R a y N e ls o n A bonfire was lit in the middle of the field and people began to dance around it. I was to discover that witches love to dance around bonfires. They link arms and run, really run and run and run. . . . A standard witch's boast is, "I danced 'til dawn around the old bonfire."

Still, I was cruising, not too successfully. I wandered back and forth between the two bonfires, the music of the drum, tambourine and flute alternating with the bagpipe. At each fire, some danced in the center, most watched. . . . At first I stayed on the outside; my dancing was going to be more sensuous, graeertn’ movements o f arm, leg and head, no running. How long could someone of my girth run?

I alternated between circles. I worked up a sweat, nude under my robe — an old robe, a gift from a pilgrim, three-quarter-length sleeves and just long enough to be graceful without inhibiting my feet.

I’d show these witches what dancing was! . . . I began to chant an invocation to the moon.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

Slowly, emphasizing each word: Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

sherry! Another, a member of the Viking clan (his leather-vested friend was called Regnar.) Perhaps he'd like to go for a swim later. Looking for anything male, I made advances to anyone and was turned down by all - perhaps, I conjectured, because none of them filled my criteria for the term "man when in a firmer state of mind. To hell with it! If I couldn't find what 1 wanted, I'd dance myself to exhaustion rather than try to sleep alone. I moved to the center of the circle, dancing and chanting to myself, invoking the fire and the moon.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

The one who had spoke borrowed a drum and began to follow me. I was an Indian temple dancer, clothed only in jewelry. I was a woman o f full breasts and belly, dinting from my soul. I laughed at the sterility of the disciplined Kathakali school that would follow centuries later. My form would live forever in the sandstone carvings of Ankor Wat. Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

My limbs were tireless.

1 would dance through the dawn into eternity. The running circle dissolved and four women joined me. dancing as I danced, swirling their skirts and shawls, tempting the fire to bum their feet The beat began to accelerate, building to a crescendo as 1 leaped over the flames. TTie women joined me.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

The men joined us, building the flames higher and leaping over them, caught by their fellows lest they fall back to be burned.

Musicians spelled each other as the dance wound on. Still my drummer followed.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

At last my trance began to fade and 1 slowed to the edge of the circle. The runners clasped hands and resumed their silly athletics. The drummer ran over to me and embraced me.

"Thank you for letting me do that."

Satisfied, I walked back to the beach I’d intended to swim, but a couple made love in the shallow water. I looked at the moon.

"I'm willing to wait," I said, and went to bed.

People came and went in the darkness. Had she responded already? No one noticed me.

1 did not care if they did.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

Forty-five minutes passed, perhaps an hour.

I continued to chant and dance.

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a m an!. . .

In half-an-hour. I'd approached several subjects: a shave-topped soldier on from Fort Leonard Wood. No, he want to come back to my van for

The watchers had thinned, but as I danced the circle, I was proud of the comments I heard on my grace and the sensuality of my steps.

Several attempts were made to link my hands with the running dancers, but I refused all advances, working my own slow graceful way around. A voice behind me said. "My God, he's working a spell!" Of course I was!

Goddess, Goddess, Goddess, Send me a man!

Illllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllllilltlflll,

likely leave didn’t some

FtCcr

37

|If you want to know whether the Goddess finally came through for Ray. check out RFD Issue 25, Fall/Winter 1980. |

The Winter 1981 issue, # 29, was a humor issue ("Relevant? Funny? Dumb!") produced at Short Mountain. The cover featured a photo montage of many Short Mountain faces of the time, including two who remain part of the collective, Gabby and Johnni.

"The Fairy Purity Committee" decree is reprinted here, as well as an ad for RFD pansy jock straps, parodying our still ongoing fundraising efforts.

All the year eight features were produced in different places: Spring 1982, "Rallying Flowering Dogwoods" (#30) by the "Ozarks HillfairyAlliance"; Summer 1982, "Reclaiming Forgotten Deserts" (#31) by "Desert Fairies"; and Fall 1982, "Rapturous Faggot Debauchery" (#32) by "The Atlanta Collective." (Note to all you ambitious collectives and looser circles of friends: contact us if you would be interested in producing a thematic section of RFD sometime.)

Issues related to collective living continued to be prominently featured in RFD. During this period Running Water (the collective which published the magazine) was struggling to survive. Number 30 contained "A Collective Living Manifesto, or, a modest proposal by the 'Gang of Four.'" Collective member Ron Iambe wrote about the struggles and the lessons of the first three years of the collective's life together: Part of my personal growth within the "faerie" movement has been the acceptance o f realities over abstract ideals.

I am learning that there must be a balance between what one holds as an ideal and what is possible within a given set of circumstances.

While this is certainly nothing new, it is a lesson for me.

Adjusting an ideal to the "realities" or necessities does not necessarily mean giving up on the ideal.

Another lesson 1 am learning is to celebrate our diversity, and not force square pegs into round holes. Just because we share a part of each other’s vision, that does not mean that we all should feel the need to live together in a close community in order to support each other in that common sharing. There are many different ways to share, and the collective way is not for all. Also, as a group within the "network" I believe that we are discovering that there are many more of us who share these goals and ideals than we

fairy Purity P a l l l a h a r e w i t h i t s m a r v e lo u s c o a t o f n a n y c o l o r s , and a o tf c s r G a l a 's c o r n u c o p i a o v e r f l o w i n g w i t h h e r u n c q u & ls d m u n if ic e n c e end b e w i ld e r in g g e n e r o s i t y . B u t e v e n M o th e r N a t u r e 'e a p p le e n a y h a r b o r w o n a a , a n d t h i e i a a go o d tim e t o r e f l e c t o n t h e im p o r ta n c e o f t h e e e s t r a y i n g * fro m t h e f l i g h t o f t h e T ru e F a e r y . T h eee d e v i a t i o n s may r a n g e fro m th e i g n o r a n t l y b l a t a n t t o t h e s h r e w d ly s e c ­ r e t i v e , auid a r e s u r e t o g e n e r a t e n e g a t i v i t y — so i t ' s b e a t t o s q u a s h t h e e e b e h a v i o r s a n d a t t i t u d e s w h ile th e y a re in th e b u d , and be­ f o r e th e y f lo w e r w i t h t h e f e t i d o d o r o f t h e skunk c a b b a g e .

The f o ll o w i n g n o n - l i n e a r l i s t i n d i c a t e s some d e f i n e t e p o o -p o o s t h a t w e 'v e s e e n c r o p ­ p in g u p .

I f y o u c a n t h i n k o f a n y m o re , w e 'd lo v e t o s h a r e y o u r i d e a s a n d e n e r g y .

Names an d a d d r e s s e s o f p e r p e t r a t o r s w o u ld a l s o be m o st w elco m e.

1 ) C a r r y i n g o r r e f e r i n g t o a tim e ­ p i e c e . C lo c k s c a n be fu n n y a c c e n t p i e c e s , b u t NO t i c k - t i c k - t i c k t o t e l l u a when t o be w h e re .

2 ) B a tin g o f a n i m a l s . Some may t h i n k i t K a r n ic l y O .K . t o w r in g a c h ic k e n s n e c k an d t h e n d e v o u r i t s f le a h , b u t i f t h e s h o e s w e re on b a c k w a r d s , how w o u ld y o u l i k e t o b e r o a s te d w ith f r e s h h e rb s and b u t t e r .

CoddeBs knows how many l i f e t i m e s y o u may b e s e t b a c k by e a t i n g a B ig Mac I 3 ) The e s t a b l i s h m e n t o f a n d a d ­ h e re n c e to s t r u c t u r e .

The q u i n t e s ­ s e n c e o f f a e r y h o o d i s fre e d o m : f r e e dem fro m o p p r e s s i v e h i e r a r c h y ; f r e e dom fro m t h e know n; fre e d o m fro m ( js c o m m itm en ts; fre e d o m fro m f re e d o m .

—< 4 ) Monogamy— t h a t d r e a d f u l p a t t e r n fro m p a t r i a r c h y b e i t s e x u a l , <5 e m o tio n a l o r d i e t a r y .

5 ) Money i e o f c o u r s e t h a t l i n e a r , -5 a m o ra l d e v a l u a t i o n o f o u r r e a l i t y > t h a t we m u st be f r e e fro m . T he b e s t imy t o h a n d le i t i s t o g i v e i t a l l ^ t o t h e F a e ry N e tw o rk . ^ 6 ) B a r c lo n e d r a g — e s p e c i a l l y i n _ San F r a n c i s c o , w h e re t h e E y es Of Us Q a r e on u s . We m u st d - e s s d i f f e r e n t l y fro m t h e c ro w d . A c h i c p e a s a n t ® m is e o b le w i l l s e ld o m b e a m i s s . c 7 ) F a e ry Shaman c lo n e d r a g .

T h is 5 one i a d i f f i c u l t t o p i n dow n.

Look f o r p a tt e r n s s im il a r to o t h e r 'w e l l known F a e ry S h am an s.

8 ) P o l i t i c a l l y i n c o r r e c t m u s ic , f o r e x a m p le — D i s c o , " A i d a " , " c a e t r a t i " , e t c . Rem em ber, y o u a r e w h a t y o u l i s t e n t o a n d t h e r e ' s no t e l l i n g who may b e l i s t e n i n g .

9) C ru e lty to c a te .

T hese c re a ­ t u r e s a r e s a c r e d t o W ic c a .

F in d i t in y o u r h e a r t s to la u g h a t t h e i r l i t t l e q u i r k s . R em em ber, t h i s i s w h at g i v e s them p e r s o n a l i t y !

The e a s i e s t way to a v o id t h e s e p r a t f a l l s i s J u s t t o BE HQRE NOW: t h i s i s s u r e t o en d a ic h s e l f - d e s t r u c t i v e b e h a v i o r s .

Bu t i f t h e y s h o u ld a p p e a r , lo o m in g on t h e z e n i t h o f y o u r h o r i z o n , j u s t s q u a s h them a s y o u w o u ld a J a p a n e s e b e e t l e on one o f y o u r p r i z e z i n ­ n ia s .

S im p le m e n t, n ' e a t c e p a s ?

In l o v i n g , o a r i n g w a t c h f u l n e s s , THE COMMITTEE: Sandy S m a n d r a , P u r e F e l l , H o r a c e H a z e , P s i K i c k , Hominy G r i t s & Eon Es3 Co.

thought at first, and thus we have some flexibility in forming collectives along more specific affinities. We now are finding that we will be able to possibly have some choices and not be forced into associating with others with whom we are uncomfortable on social, aesthetic, etc. bases. I feel that RFD and the gathering network has been a most valuable vehicle for this broadening of our fellowship. Diversity is richness.

The specific crisis which Running Water faced at this time was that two of the original four members had left, and the remaining collective sought readers' assistance in coming up with the $14,000 needed to keep the land. Their manifesto outlined Running Water's purposes, goals, organization and structure in some detail.

RFD readers came through and enabled Running Water to pull through the crisis.

Ever committed to a diversity of perspectives, RFD also featured a strongly anti-communitarian diatribe by David Frev in Number 29: 38

Cooperatives built on philosophical, spiritual, or idealistic principles have a poor track record for providing incomes. They invariably profit one or two individuals who actually manipulate the budget, but provide the balance of the workers with little more than room and board....The joy o f carefully analyzing your business investment will be abundant and the ability to accept reality by choosing your own lifestyle will overshadow the utopian ideals of creating a socialistic cooperative."

RFDs of this period managed to blend the practical and the esoteric without such conflict. In #30, articles on seasonal tree-planting employment opportunities, cooking with edible spring wild plants, and hitchhiking tips appeared in #30 alongside an interview with a Druid priest and an essay discussing the similarities between witchcraft and Quaker beliefs and practices. #31 featured articles on tools for the homestead and chicken farming (complete with the confession "I had never seen one outside of a meat case in a grocery store!") alongside Crit Goin's monthly feature, "A Message From Your Gypsy Shaman," excerpted here.

Eclecticism was R F D 's major strength then as now.

I aa le a r n in g t o l o s e a y n e e d t o h a v e e v e r y t h in g a it h in ay c o n t r o l.

I a a e x p e r ie n c i n g c h a n g e . I h a v e d is c o v e r e d in a y s e l f t h a t a y n eed f o r c o n ­ t r o l h a s l i a i t e d ay r e la t io n s h ip s in th e p a s t .

I now w ish t o ex p a n d and w id en a y a w a r e n e s s .

I aa l o o k in g fo r a f f i r m a t i o n , c o n f ir m a t i o n , n u r t u r a n c e , and h e a l i n g .

I f e e l ay g e n tle n e s s , s p i r i t , and c r i t i t i v i t y a r e i a p o r t a n t c o n t r i b u ­ t io n s .

I aa c o n v in c e d I c a n Bake a y to u c h f e l t b e c a u s e I aa b e c u a a in g in to u c h w it h ay s i l l y n e s s , f a e r i e n e s s and b e in g a y s e l f w i l l be th e m ost i n v e n t i v e t h in g t h a t a y f r i e n d s , t h i s e o a a u n i t y or w h er e v e r I a a , h a s e v e r s e e n .

Hope e a c h o f you e n j o y t h e summer m o n th s, and I ' a lo o k in g fo rw a r d t o o u r n e x t a e e t i n g . . .

Hot D a m . . .

Love and K i s s e s ,

from RFD #31 summer, 1982

Cjo JT

#31 also contained an account of the first-ever RFD staff gathering, at which farflung department editors, many of whom had never met, came together at Running Water.

"Gatherings and Network" editor Don Graves reported a profoundly moving experience and strong affirmation of a shared vision for RFD. By the closing circle it seemed that not as much had been resolved as perhaps laid out in terms of clearer options and possibilities. Yet the vision of RFD as a journal for country and collective living by and for gay men remains strong and will become stronger in the future. The closing circle showed how real; that vision is to the men who were there, how it gave strength to those staying and those going away. For one weekend was formed a community o f

lovers. Memory will keep it alive and desire will renew it again and again even across miles and time.

#32 contained the results of the second reader survey, Readers Finally Delineated.

"Best of Reader Survey" is reprinted here.

Grouping the data from the f i r s t part took about 35 te ­ dious hours (s u r p r is in g ly ! ) . Th is put me In an a ltered sta te of consciousness and humour, fo r that m atter, by n e c e s sity . 1 w il l grab at anything In place o f a Umbo of fa c t a ft e r fa ct..."W h e n w il l I emerge?” , I cried to the cosmos Somehow, I did and have retained sa n ity .

I am whole a ft e r lib e r a l doses of the 3 R 's . However, i do not know how humorous they are now that I '• back to the old m e ...H e re 's a sample o f Im aginative responses that I saved fo r y ' a l l . The ones 1n brackets a rt from one p a rt ic u la r survey response. Hope you enjoy t h is !

hame:

PART 1:

(" S ld d h a rth a " ),'WK. IfcVold".

Eth n ic Background "SSwed1sh/V1ungar1an--but no Goulash".

"Mongrel", " o ff- ir f ilt e " , "p in k ", "human", "none*.

B lrth d a te : Gender:

DAVE: Rod, isn't that real sticky, though?

ROD: It's worth doing if you get sticky but it lasts a long time. (Laughter) Usually it's just real slimy.

DAVE: I always thought the flies would bother you! (Hysteria) JIM: It was bad enough when you had dick breath, now you've got flies bothering you!

JUAN: Dick breath, penis breath—that should be sexy. Pecker breath.

DAVE: There are a lot of situations that are erotic to m e-like having sex in a park, or outdoors, or in an office.

JUAN: Or in an airplane bathroom....

Sexual O rie n ta tio n : ("Too young to d eterm in e"), "h u h ?g a y ? ), “u su a lly h o rito n ta l--N o rth to South".

Place of Residence:

"Sch lzo ".

How long Have Too liv e d There?"

"Too long” .

ft) You Have Experience In Rural liv i n g ? ”

( “ 5 y e a rs " ).

So cia l C la ss Background- 'R ed , w hite and blue middle c la s s ” , "white t r a s h " , "ugh!''.

Highest Formal Education-

("p re s c h o o l"), "on L50".

Sp 1 r1tu a l/R elig lo u s Background "born-again a t h e is t " .

("G ra te fu l Dead"),

Current Predominant S p ir it u a l Adherence: ("G ra tefu l Dead"), “C arlo R o s s i's Lig h t C h ia n ti” , " s p ir it u a lit y provided by lo v e r " , "quantum p h y sic s".

Income Source: o th er: (" p a r e n t s " ), "Uncle Sugar".

Income D e scrip tio n : "S lip p e ry ".

Are You Involved With A g rlc u ltu re ? ■ "I grow dope".

How Do You Heat Your Home?: “4 ca ts and goosedown".

E le c t r ic i t y Source?: "The ca ts generate s t a t ic on the rug' Hobbies, In te re s ts and S k i l l s : (Sp o rts A M usic), "watersp o rts--th e re a l th in g ", "simultaneous orgasm".

How Many People Do You li v e W ith?: "Ju s t a fa it h fu l dog", "m y se lf", "4 b illi o n p lu s".

Do You L iv e In A Co-op. Commune E t c .? : "No, on a p la n e t".

Describe Your R ela tio n sh ip s With Other People In Your Household "p e r fe c t " , " I lik e m yself and the roaches".

Describe You Ph ysical H ealth : "d e fe ctiv e 1n a l l the rig h t p la c e s ".

Describe Your Emotional Well-Being "G ood.-occasionally depressed, but the weekends away so lve th a t".

Your Main S ty le Of D ie t? : "around the kitchen ta b le ", " S .A .0 . --standard American d ie t " , "om nivorous--It shows In the t e e th ", “a l l m eat--Including my lo v e r " , "Seefood-when I see food, I eat i t " .

Where Are Most Of Your Gay A sso cia tio n s From?: o th er: "fa n ta s y " , "telep ho ne--im ag ination".

What Other Gay P u b lica tio n s Do You Read R eg u la rly?: "In Touch--for the In t e lle c t u a l a r t i c l e s , of co urse", Describe Your P o lit ic a l Philo so phy/Party A f f il ia t io n : ("h e d o n is t"), "depends on is s u e ” , "co u n te r-cu ltu ra l" " t e r r o r i s t ” , “vote fo r M ilo” .

T h a t’ s 1 t! Thanks fo r responding!

RICHARD: How about knee-length socks?

I'm not being facetious, either. There was some dude in the gym about a week ago and he had on a pair of white knee socks and I looked at him...

DAVE: I think water is very erotic.

DAVID: Oh taking a shower when you've gotten real high in the dark!

ROD: Rotten bananas, bananas when they’ve gotten really soft and they taste good too.

cw

SCAT COOKVtG * MOW IO W « uP AMI TP *

Q: What do you get for the man who has everything?

A: Penicillin.

The reference to AIDS appears in #32 in Jerry Stamps' monthly health column, "The Apothecary," in a piece on venereal diseases.

Stamps' views on AIDS are unorthodox, although they are not inconsistent with current multi-factorial theories of AIDS. Very simply it comes from living "in the fast lane” — poor diet and excessive dieting, improper or no vitamin intake, lack of proper rest, overuse of drugs and in general, a disregard for and neglect of the body.

With this syndrome, glandular systems become exhausted as does the immunological system and we become very susceptible to nearly any disease -- and the intimacy of sexual contact affords an opportimity to spread some very debilitating diseases....

U ash ro o m

Rom ance One d ay, In the w ashrooa.. .D e lIg h t* ?

Here 7--1 n the washrog a . . .Wow!.■ .rtwwa. . . S t a l l .

Checking the d o o r-c ra c k . Man I H a a a a w a *--P la id - re d s h i r t . Je a n j. Ooooooohhhhh, w a itin g c o c k ..

F l1 rta c1o us one, t h l * c ity -lu m b e rja c k .

Does he 11ke me ?

Eyeing am, the door swings.

I touch M a . . .

He touches a e . . .

ae coma.

Click.

lig h t s buzzing h ig h lig h t our d e f i a n t . . . .

The feature in #32 was devoted to erotica Throughout nearly twenty pages of drawings, photos, stories, poems and essays runs a rambling transcribed discussion about erotica among the members of the Atlanta Collective which produced the feature.

J U » CHIUA

#32, the erotica issue, closes this issue's retrospective.

It is an especially appropriate breaking point because it contains a momentous landmark: RFD 's first reference to AIDS. Various items in earlier issues are notable in that they are unmistakably pre-AIDS. For instance, the humor issue is full of silly one-liner jokes, including:

("1 9 7 7 ").

"Neuter".

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washroom romance!

February

82

c o p y rig h t

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from RFD #32, fall, 1982

Interestingly, an issue earlier, in # 31, "The Apothecary" contained a detailed discussion ot the immune system, including lymphocyte and B- and T-cell functions. It is common today to read about the immune system in this kind of detail, but in the pre-AIDS context it was rare.

Also in #32, at the end of the Erotica section (on a page entitled "Afterglow"), appears an exchange which vividly illustrates the intensity of gay sexual politics at the dawning of the age of AIDS. A reader, Aurora Corona, wrote: Getting venereal disease is nothing more than allowing pig-messages about faggot sexuality/prormscuity/ lifestyle to affect us in a negative way. When the pressure is too great and we can no longer bear the hatred, ignorance, and fear o f others, we are the most susceptible to believing that we are evil, that gay sexuality is a sickness, that we deserve it....

To this the editors the Erotica section responded, "Much as we may not like to acknowledge it, we are threatened by a health crisis. Responsibility to ourselves and to our community would seem to require that we take a long hard look at how we conduct ourselves sexually."

Up until this point, no obituaries had appeared in RFD. With its readers and the broader gay community, RFD was now entering a radically different era.

unknown 1939 boy connoisseur

Have ideas for erotic photos you'd like to shoot?

Or sexy photos on hand that you want to share?

Let that lusty photographer in you loose!

Send in y o u r "Down Home Erotica" to grace the pages of future issues to: "RFD Smutâ&#x20AC;?

P.O. Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095 The small but necessary print: All models muat be at 'â&#x20AC;&#x153;ast 18 years old according to the Feds. Submitting photos implies c**^ent to print them in RFD.

unknown 1939 boy connoisseur

Have ideas for erotic photos you'd like to shoot?

Or sexy photos on hand that you want to share?

Let that lusty photographer in you loose!

Send in y o u r "Down Home Erotica" to grace the pages of future issues to: "RFD Smutâ&#x20AC;?

P.O. Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095 The small but necessary print: All models muat be at 'â&#x20AC;&#x153;ast 18 years old according to the Feds. Submitting photos implies c**^ent to print them in RFD.

A Million Jockers, Punks and Queens.

The society of prisoners in the United States, which has the world s highest and steadily increasing incarceration rate, could conceivably be described as the world's largest gay ghetto. It is also of interest as a society in which sexual acts and long-term sexual pairing between men who are generally considered to be heterosexual are not only common, but are validated by the norms of prisoner society.

Without exception, all sexual activity on the part of prisoners is prohibited by disciplinary codes in each institution, and those codes, unlike state and federal penal laws, are frequently enforced with punitive sanctions, including solitary confinement, loss of "good time," and denial of parole. However sex among male prisoners is common, race is a major factor, and large numbers of heterosexuals are forced into a sexually passive role. The number of heterosexuals engaged in frequent penetrative sex roughly matches, and in fact is limited by, the number of passive homosexuals and involuntarily passive heterosexuals.

The prisoner subculture fuses sexual and social roles and assigns all prisoners accordingly. Feminist analysis would note this as a patriarchal trait, and I would add that in my experience confinement institutions are the most sexist (as well as racist) environment in the country, bar none. Prison slang defines sexual habits and inmate status simultaneously and this classification system draws a rigid distinction between active and passive roles. The majority which in this case is on top in all senses, consists of the so-called "men," and they are defined by a successful and continuing refusal to be sexually penetrated. A single instance of being penetrated, whether voluntary or not, is universally held to constitute an irreversible "loss of manhood." The Men rule the roost and establish the rules and behavioral norms for the entire prisoner population; convict leaders, gang members, and the organizers of such activities such as the smuggling of contraband, protection rackets, and prostitution rings must be and remain "Men.â&#x20AC;?

It is important to realize that whether a Man is sexually involved or not, his status is sexually defined. A Man who is sexually active (in both senses) is called a "jocker." If a jocker is paired off, he is a "Daddy." If he engages in sexual coercion, he is a "booty bandit." Men almost always identify as heterosexual (in a few cases bisexual) and the overwhelming majority of them act heterosexually before and after confinement.

The following description is a generalization, and it should be kept in mind that exceptions to these patterns do exist, but variations from one institution to another tend to be quantitative, meaning higher or lower levels o f coercive pressure, sexual involvement, couple formation, gang influence, and official disapproval rather than taking other paradigms or patterns of sexuality.

The sexual penetration of another male prisoner by a Man is sanctioned by the subculture, is considered a male rather than a homosexual activity, and is considered to validate the perpetrator's masculinity. "Manhood," however, is a tenuous condition as it is always subject to being "lost" to another, more powerful or aggressive Man; hence a Man is expected to "fight for his manhood." Before the AIDS crisis. Men (especially blacks and Hispanics) under middle age traditionally were expected to be jockers; if they showed no inclination to demonstrate their manhood through sexual conquest their status as Men would be questioned, which would make them targets for demotion. Certain groups, such as Mafiosi and the devoutly religious, could escape such suspicion. Since AIDS awareness has become widespread. Men who are not inclined to be jockers have another excuse.

Below the class of Men in every way is the very small class of "queens." These are effeminate homosexuals. In jails, many of them are street transvestites charged with prostitution. They seek and are assigned the role of females and are referred to exclusively with feminine pronouns and terms. They have "pussies," not "assholes," and wear "blouses," not shirts. They are always sexually passive, and in prisons are unlikely to make up more than 1 or 2% of the population.

They are highly desirable as sexual partners because of their willingness to adopt "feminine" traits, and are highly visible, but the queens remain submissive to the "menâ&#x20AC;? and in accordance with the prevalent sexism, may not hold positions of overt power in the prisoner social structure.

They are often scapegoated, involved in prostitution, and are frequently viewed with contempt by the Men and by the staff, assigned to the most undesirable jobs, kept under the closest surveillance by guards, and harassed by homophobic keepers and kept alike. In some institutions, 42

including Riker's Island, queens are segregated from the general population and placed in special units, often called "queens' tanks."

There they are often denied privileges given to the general population such as attendance at the recreation hall, exercise and fresh air on the yard, library visits, chapel attendance, hot food, etc. Jails may put them in full-time lockdown, the equivalent of solitary confinement At the very bottom of the structure is the class of "punks," to which I was assigned. These are prisoners who, to use Wooden and Parker's definition, "have been forced into a sexually submissive role," usually through rape or convincing threat of it. Most frequent in urban jails or reformatories but still common in prisons, gang rape (and the common threat of it) is the principle device used to convert men into punks, and this rape has an important sociological aspect. The vast majority of punks are heterosexual by preference and history, though some are gays or bisexuals who rejected the "queen" role but were forced into a passive anyway. They are for all practical purposes slaves, and can be sold, traded, or rented or loaned out at the whim of their "Daddy." The most extreme forms of such slavery, which can also apply to queens are found in the maximum-security institutions and in some jails.

Punks tend to be among the youngest prisoners, small in size, inexperienced in personal combat, first-timers, are more likely to have been arrested for non-violent or victimless offenses, to be middle class, and to be white. Given the unrelenting demand on the part of the jockers for sexual catchers and the small number of queens available, the proportion of punks tends to rise with the security level of the institution; the longer the prison term, the more risks will be taken by a booty bandit to convert a Man into a punk. Big-city jails and juvenile institutions are also considered to have relatively high populations of punks. The total population of queens and punks is rarely high enough to meet the demand for sexually passive prisoners, however, and this imbalance of supply and demand is key to understanding the social dynamics of relentless competition among the men, who in rough joints are in danger of "losing their manhood" at any time.

Although both groups suffer both at the hands of the Men and the keepers, relations between queens and punks are often tense, as the queens tend to look down on the punks as weak while trying to recruit them into their own ranks, a process which the punks resent, though some may succumb to it over the years. Punks desperately try to hang on to vestiges of their original male identity and thus resist the feminizing process promoted both by the Men and by the queens; upon release they usually revert to heterosexual patterns, though often with the disruptions associated with severe male rape trauma syndrome.

Longtime punks undergo an adaptation process which may leave them functionally bisexual after release; some "come out" or surrender to the feminizing process and become queens. An umbrella term encompassing both queens and punks is "catcher."

A macno gay male who comes into this system with considerable fighting ability may attempt to pass as a heterosexual jocker, since the only evidence of heterosexuality required is a pin-up on the cell wall. If it becomes known that he is "gay," however, he will immediately be consigned to the queen role, and if he resists that may fall into the punk category. There is no niche in the prisoner structure for a sexually reciprocal or masculine-identified gay man such as we see in our androphilic communities. In a rural jail or minimum security prison he may succeed in fending off such pressures, but in any other confinement environment the entire institution would be against him and he would have to survive repeated combat.

In ongoing sexual relationships, a Man is paired or "hooked up" with a catcher; no other possibilities, such as a reciprocal gay pair, are tolerated. But this one relationship is not only tolerated but sanctioned by the prisoner subculture, and virtually all catchers are required to pair off for their own protection. Vulnerable prisoners commonly learn this fact of life in jails or juvenile institutions before they first arrive at prisons and seek to "hook up" as soon as possible after arrival in order to preempt further gang-rapes. This fact is vital to interpretations of incidence studies of rape in prisons. These relationships are taken very seriously, as they involve an obligation on the part of the Daddy to defend his partner, at the cost of his own life as necessary, and on the part of the catcher to obey his Man. Catchers are required to engage in "wifely" chores such as doing the laundry, making the bunk, keeping the cell clean, and making and serving coffee. Due to the shortage of

Sex and Sexual Relations Among American Prisoners.

By Stephen Donaldson. catchers, only a small minority of jockers succeed in entering into such a relationship, and the competition for available catchers is intense, sometimes violent The impetus manifested by the jockers to form pairs is remarkable in light of the many disadvantages of doing so, for the Daddy risks not only having to engage in lethal combat on behalf of someone else and hence suffer for his catcher's blunders, seductiveness, or good looks, but he also greatly increases his vulnerability to administrative discipline by raising his profile and increasing the predictability of his prohibited sexual activities. The fact that so many jockers tend to form pairs rather than find sexual release through rape, prostitution, masturbation, etc. is strong testimony for the thesis that such relationships meet basic human needs which are related to, but not identical to, the sexual one, such as a need for affection or bonding.

Prisoners serving long terms are often looking for a companion to "do time" with; such jockers tend to rely less on aggression and more on persuasion in their search for someone to "settle down" with, but they are often not above arranging for a confederate to supply the coercion needed to "turn outâ&#x20AC;? a punk for this purpose.

Sometimes the Daddy role is actually a collective, so a catcher may belong to a group of jockers or a whole gang. Ownership of a catcher tends to give high status to a Daddy and is often a source of revenue since the jocker, who is often without substantial income, can then establish himself in the prostitution business. These relationships are usually but not always exploitive and they often result from aggression on the part of a booty bandit, though the Daddy is often a third party. The catcher may or may not have assented before the jocker "puts a claim" on him, though often he is able to choose from among jocker suitors if he acts quickly.

"Free-lance" or unpaired catchers are uncommon, since they are usually unable to protect themselves and are considered to be fair game for any booty bandit. Usually, a rape or two is sufficient to persuade an unattached catcher to pair off as soon as possible. A catcher who manages to break free from an unwanted pairing is called a "renegade," and he is usually quickly claimed by another jocker.

Pair relationships are based on an adaptation of the heterosexual model which the prisoners bring with them from the Street; the use of this model also validates the jail relationship while confirming the sense of masculinity of the jocker and undermining that of the catcher. The Men tend to treat their catchers much as they habitually did their female companions, so a wide range of relationships ranging from ruthless exploitation to romantic love are encountered.

Emotional involvement by the Daddy with his catcher is less common than with his woman "on the Street," but it is far from rare; long-term prisoners may even "get married" in an imitation ceremony to which the whole cell-block may be invited and which may take place in the chapel. A little-noted emotional significance of the relationship for most Daddies, however, is that it becomes an island of relaxation away from the constant competitive jungle, with its continual dangers and fears of exposing anything which might be considered a "weakness," which mark social relationships among the Men. Confident in his male role the Daddy can allow himself to drop the hard mask which he wears outside the relationship and express with his catcher the otherwisesuppressed aspects of his humanity, such as caring, tenderness, anxiety, and loneliness. The total dependence of the punk on his Daddy for protection and social interaction induces psychological dependence which also can facilitate emotional involvement. Thus long-term prisons exhibit the remarkable phenomenon of two men, both heterosexual by preference and identity, involved in sexually expressed love affairs with each other. Sexual reciprocation in these relationships is rare, and when it does occur, is kept very secret. Some Daddies will go as far as to masturbate their punks, but even that is uncommon.

Another noteworthy variance from the heterosexual model is that the Daddies tend to be considerably more casual about allowing sexual access to their catchers than they would with regard to their women on the Street. The catchers are frequently loaned to other jockers out of friendship or to repay favors or to establish leadership in a clique or gang, and are commonly prostituted. Unlike women, the catchers won't get pregnant by another man. It is very important, however, for a Daddy to retain control over such access to his catcher.

The punks, who retain a desire for an insertive role which they cannot find in sex with jockers, sometime reciprocate with each other in

a mutual exchange of favors, giving each a chance to temporarily play the "male" role which is otherwise denied them. These situations account for most of the cases in which a survey shows both active and passive behavior by the same person. The queens ridicule such behavior as "bumping pussy," revealing an incidental disdain for lesbianism.

Only a small minority of the jockers succeed in obtaining possession of a partner; these tend to be the highest ranking Men in the prisoner power structure, so possession of a catcher is a status symbol.

The remainder make use of prostitution if they have resources, join in gang-rapes, borrow catchers from friends who control them, use a catcher belonging to their gang, or do without.

Many of the reasons for such involvement go beyond the necessity of relieving the sex/intimacy drive, (though I will add that those armchair theorists who claim that sexual deprivation is not one of many factors in prisoner rape are mistaken). One major reason for jockers' involvement is that aggressive sexual activity is considered to validate masculine status and hence tends to protect the Man from attempts to deprive him of that status. There is a considerable peer pressure in many institutions to engage in "masculine" sexual activity because it also validates such activity on the part of other jockers, who remain aware that the American establishment and many staff members consider their behavior homosexual and are therefore defensive about it even if they themselves reject that notion.

Other motivations are not as directly sexual: deprived of power over his own life by the regime of incarceration, a jocker often seeks to stake out a small arena of power by exerting control over another prisoner. The existence of such an island of power helps the jocker retain a sense of his own masculinity -- the one remaining social asset which he feels the administration cannot take from him - because of his identification of power and control with masculinity. For an adolescent prisoner, this motivation is often even stronger, as he has few other means of acquiring "manhood." Furthermore, involvement in prohibited sexual activity is an act of rebellion against the total institution, hence a demonstration that the institution's control over that person is less than complete and that he retains some measure of autonomy. Finally, sexual activity tends to demarcate other power issues: a gang or ethnic group wishing to assert its dominance over another may do so by seizing one of its rival's members and turning him into a punk for their own use. This is most commonly done by blacks against whites, and forms a symbolic attack on the manhood of all whites, who are said to be "unable to keep their bitches;" it is thus the source of much of the racial conflict and tension in confinement.

Sexual activity in confinement may take place anywhere; the expectation of privacy which prevails in other circumstances gives way to necessity. Furthermore, it is often to a jocker's advantage to be seen engaging in "masculine" sexual activities by other prisoners, enhancing his reputation as a Man. For these reasons, sex is often a group activity with participants taking turns standing "lookout" for guards or shooing away uninvolved prisoners from the area being used.

The openness of jail house sexuality, in spite of disciplinary codes, is one of its more remarkable features. The institution of "hooking up" which is the heart of the system, and which specifies that any catcher who is "hooked up" may be "disrespected" only at the risk of violent retaliation from his Daddy, is utterly dependent on general awareness of the details of such pairings among the entire prisoner population. Virtually the first result of a successful claim being laid on a catcher is its announcement to the prisoners at large; sex is the number one topic of conversation, and the news that a new punk has been "turned out" spreads like wildfire throughout an institution. Often such hooking up announcements are visual, taking the form of a jocker continually eating and walking around the yard or block with a catcher until everyone has seen them together consistently and often enough to conclude a pair has been formed.

Under such circumstances, guards and administrators with their eyes open can hardly fail to be aware of pairings. Often, in fact, housing moves are made to facilitate keeping the pair together; practical experience has shown that this tends to minimize fights and therefore keeps the general peace, which is the first priority of officials. Thus when a jocker in a double cell acquires a catcher, he "persuades" his Continued on Page 45 43

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Perhaps this is a gathering of gay men, to celebrate, discuss, nurture our spirituality, without saying whether ours is different or identical to others. We gather because we are different— or rather, because we are made to seem different by social circumstance—but our spirit is the same. Or not What does it matter?

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16-1 The swirl o f men in kind embrace and furtive interaction; the long talks and smokes and absurdities with four cum. beings; the brilliant display o f bubbles, images o f spirits, bodiless, playthings fo r the tree limbs; the Earth fire eye pit o f glowing orange-red, reflecting in the film o f the hovering sea-bubble, blimp o f paper-glass; the tower with men huddled together, astral view and quaking wind; the collected mass o f beaming Buddhas in chant, or silent, or in the roar o f silence that listening creates; the calm divine morning on the cliff-side o f the mountain with elders; and the sparkling change soaring out o f our hands into the valley below, a thanking and a blessing to all energies that made this hapfxm.

I, twenty nine years of age, man, sit in this morning, overlooking the valley from this mountain. I am moved, jarred from knowing any of the particulars (date, time, even my real name). Again, as always, I feel this wonder and awkwardness of sharing myself with other men, the rare gracious acreage of stillness.

We form into groups, each with an animal totem. I am skeptical. Nonetheless, our group is the weasel for which I am happy.

None of this glory-of-God type, mountain lion image. The weasel, I think, I can learn something from: stealthy, sneaky, invisible, able to sneak in, observe and leave, without being noticed. Like the writer.

And, the writer Tom Spanbauer— who I had wanted to meet— is also in the weasel group; now I am more convinced that these groups could be a good thing. I keep the weasel as a metaphor, an idea to play around with, to learn from. I am cautious with being open to the group; I do not tell them right away that I have a female lover.

How is the spirit so closely linked to sexuality? Native Americans spoke of two-spirited beings (Berdache) who were neither male nor female. An Other. Yet, those of us who are not Native Americans can not simply say that the Berdache are our people, that they are gay. For one thing, in some tribes the Berdache could sleep with men or women, but could not sleep with other Berdache.

In the circle someone talked of the illusive nature of our being.

There is a constellation in the sky he said that you cannot see if you look straight at it; however, if you turn slightly away, you can make it out.

Some come to the conference on a shoe string; for others it bares no strain. Some come with their notions of gayness and spirit unknown to the majority and must educate the group. Some have been out for years; for others this is their first safe space to speak Some tell beautiful stories and weave rich words; others barely say anything at all.

There are those too sick to come, and those who have already died, who we hear of only through their friends. And then there are all the ones that are not there at all. Those we cannot hear.

Night around the fire. I cannot draw myself to dance my dance, but I do not want to stand there awkwardly either. So I stoop and sit, like an Afghani, invisible in the crowd. I watch the fire, giant reptilian eye of the earth staring in to the stars. As hours pass I see it slowly shut its tired lids. A few of us stay up till four am, making body-size bubbles around the fire. (continued on following page)

Driving to the Gay Spirit Visions Conference, it is foggy and just past eight a.m. The highway is lined with young maples, elms, oaks, beech and evergreens., but it is not a forest, just a small boarder of trees that line the road and hide the fields behind it.

What is spirituality? Is it the way 1 feel? Is it how' I relate to others? To nature? If I were alone in the world, would 1 still have spirituality? What if I were isolated from nature? Is it a view of the world, or the practice of that view?

Past com fields, amber and copper; thousands of individual plants, all the same exact height, all withered and thirsty. Other fields lay barren, recently plowed, clay-red and wet from the drizzling fogdew. A golden rod field, their vermilion generously sharing the landscape with other plants. The iron weed, some still a rich purple, some already turning to a dying rust.

Khir suggests spirituality is the energy that we feel or give to things, whether they are people or objects. So. everyone's spirituality manifests differently. And everyone's can work. James, Khir, and I talk about ritual, how the energy we put into them creates them. I think of Ferron's line, "As I stumble through my rituals..." We speak of both the organized, pagan-based rituals we do in groups, and the personal rituals we do perhaps every day. Things that represent our spirit: the ritual of making tea. the ritual of changing alters, the ritual of making love.

Deep in the woods now. still young trees all clothed in scarves of fog that trail in-between the hills, in hollows all rich with an impenetrable green. We cross into the eastern time zone. And suddenly there are trees speckled with yellows and the grasses have hints of winter-brown.

What is gay spirituality? Is it distinct? The fact that I am in a relationship with a woman, does that change my spirituality? Does it mean I cannot be gav? Does it change my relationship to other gay men at the conference?

44

Continued from Page 43

A Million Jockers, Punks and Queens. current cellmate to request a move out, the new catcher requests a move in, the catcher’s current cellmate is prompted to request that he be moved out, and the administration approves it to keep the peace ar rng all concerned. Other, more homophobic, administrators seek to keep a pair as far apart as possible. A particularly dangerous situation is one in which a catcher is bunked with a jocker other than the one he is hooked up with. For this reason catchers are sometimes celled together.

There is, as may be expected, a wide range of administrative attitudes toward both violent and consensual homosexuality in their institutions. Consensual activities are accepted as inevitable by some, hunted out and seriously punished when discovered by others, while most tend to look the other way as long as the behavior does not become disruptive or too open. There are, unfortunately, all too many reports of administrators indifferent to or even promoting coercive sexuality, even using it to recruit informers.

The uniformed guards, who are more likely to be from the same class as the prisoners, often have a different set of attitudes from the civilian staff. Some of them consider all participants in sexual activity to be homosexuals; some display considerable homophobia and engage in private witch-hunts, trying to catch someone "in the act." Others, especially those with long experience as guards, may encourage a jocker whom they consider disruptive to get "hooked up" with a catcher on the theory that paired off Men are less likely to cause trouble. Guards are also involved in setting up some rapes and sexual encounters, in exchange for payoffs or for such diverse reasons as to destroy the leadership potential of an articulate prisoner.

As long as sex-segregated prisons remain society's answer to crime, the issues of rape and of consensual homosexual behavior behind bars are likely to persist. So, also, will the conclusion that most sexually active heterosexuals, if deprived of access to the opposite sex and not discouraged by their peers from doing so, will eventually turn to another person of the same sex and may even become emotionally attached to that person. The implications of that conclusion for current concepts of sexual orientation and potential have yet to be explored.

Morning, the numb and pulse of sleeplessness. Andrew Ramer's walking meditation: we are to search for a vision for ourselves, and then one for this world. The sun spreads on my body like warm icing; the wind breaks open memories too great to bare. I cry vibrantly.

For myself, I want to simply to accept whoever it is I love, without hesitation. For the world? The same thing. That the world accepts whoever each of us loves, without hesitation or qualification. It is that simple. It is the spirit of Whitman.

I tell this to my group, tell them about my lover. The weekend is nearly over. We share gifts and talk one last time together. The final circle of brothers. The love of brothers.

Love your brothers.

Love your sisters.

Make love endlessly, feel safe, be safe. You are the only one that can awaken yourself.

This article has been edited from a longer transcript of a lecture which Stephen Donaldson presented at the Columbia University "Seminar on Homosexuality", February 4th, 1993. a t j

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T h e /'/\<an w h o Pell in L o v e w ith B e in g ; An

Interview

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by Jan N a th a n Long

When I first met Tom Spanbauer he asked me to hug him and I said, No. We were participating in a group exercise where we had to practice setting personal limits with others. But after that, over the course of the weekend, I had the chance to hear Tom speak and to speak with him several times. We even hugged.

Author of Far Away Places and Die Man Who Fell in Love with the Moon (now in it’s third paperback printing), Tom Spanbauer has become an inspiration for many, particularly gay men, searching for sexual and spiritual integrity. He was invited to speak to the group of more than 100 men—as well as join in on the activities—at the Gay Spirit Visions weekend.

"I wanted to create a character who didn't have the Judeo-Christian moral background. Shed is a part everything.

The book is a hero's journey through sexuality and identity. And censorship.

And listening to your own heart."

"I was driving an old Plymouth with my friend Will, just taking a ride. And I finally said, "Yes, I've been attracted to men," There was silence and I lit a cigarette. Then after a while he said, "Yes, me too."

Then there was another silence, and we didn’t talk about it any more."

In A Man Who Fell in Love With the Moon, you talk o f how it is important fo r men to move away from depending on women.

"Yes. We've been using them as scapegoats for a long time.

But like it says in the book, you can't get away from women's hole because there's always Mother Earth."

The character Shed seems to be so different from your experiences growing up. What is the connection between you two?

"I'm like Shed in that I wander around looking in windows, trying to see how to act...that loneliness."

You avoid using the word gay in most or all o f the novel, and Shed is a person who has sex with men and women. What is your intention there?

"Sex is not limited for him because it is his business. And sex is sacred to him because it's his art. I wanted someone who wasn't afraid of sex. Sex is quite sacred to me, although I didn't know it at one time.

I thought casual sex could do it, but eventually that changed."

"I wanted to create a character who didn't have the JudeoChristian moral background. Someone who was not sure who he was.

He is a part everything. All these things that divide us [race, nationality, religion) go away in the book. The book is a hero's journey through sexuality and identity. And censorship. And listening to your own heart."

How did you come up with the idea ?

"It was like a vision quest for me. I was living in New York City, working as a superlvisor) for six apartment buildings. I had no money. I couldn't afford to do anything else but write."

When did you start writing ?

"Eighth grade. Writing was my companion. Hemingway was my hero."

Still?

"No." Do you have advice fo r writers?

"Immerse yourself. Make it the focus of your life. It might take awhile. You have to do time with the page. Only writing is writing.

Time with the page.

Tom lives in Portland, Oregon with Michael, his lover of four years. He teaches creative writing during the summer through Portland State University. He is currently working on a third novel. In the City> o f Shy Hunters. He lectures about once a month, mostly to private schools and libraries; Gay Spirit Visions was the first all-gay audience he had addressed.

What were you expecting from this conference?

"I was skeptical. I’m skeptical of groups of gay men.’’

How are you feeling about the conference now ?

"It's really wonderful. And scary, to have all this admiration."

Tom is a demur man, full of concern and solemness, traits his Catholic upbringing no doubt instilled. But aside from his generosity toward others, there is little Tom had to appreciate about his past: "Life was pretty harsh, harsh. I grew up in a German Catholic family in a Mormon Community {in Idaho]. Children were considered cheap labor;! had a lot of rage...l remember the joyless Sunday afternoons, jell-o pudding..." ...and as if that triggered memory of something pleasant: "There was fondness there too. Mother used to play the piano; that was a big deal, when she played."

After that childhood, Tom was married for seven years: "She was a good friend of mine; we really went through the sixties together.

We were the world for each other as young people. When that ended, it was the end of innocence."

Did you know you were gay when you married?

"I was just Catholic."

When did you discover it?

46

THE POETRY OF EDWARD MYCUE Edward Mycue's poems experiment. Quirky, witty, sometimes pro­ foundly sad, they often push against the boundaries of our traditional expectations of what a logically unified narrative, a consistent point of view, and even a poem as poem, should be. In this way, Edward's work falls into another tradition, that of Modernism. The last thing a Modernist poet wants is for his or her reader to feel complacent. The last few lines of Mycue's poem, "Kangaroos," pulls the rug out from under us, underlining just how completely based on imaginative meanderings (rather than fact) the rest of the poem is.

(This poem reminded me of Virginia Woolf's experimental story, "The Mark on the Wall.") In "Dicktation," out of what appear to be drifting musings, the voice of the speaker becomes piercingly and hauntingly self-reflective: "I %mean and %say and feel whole ... This is as precise as haiku in terms so / tight, without apparent connection, that my / downloads of confession could damage a soppy / brain..." I hope RFD's readers will find Edward's work as intriguing as I do.

Mycue was born in Niagara Falls in 1937. He graduated from North Texas State University in 1959. Several of his books and chapbooks have been published over the past 25 years. He currently lives in San Francisco.

--Steven Riel

DICKTATION--THE AUTHORITY

OF

THE

PRICK

T h e y ' r e so ugly, t h e y ' r e all w r i n k l e d ; th e y look like prunes, t h o s e t e sticles.

M a k e a request.

A n e w one.

M a k e it e x ­ cessive.

M a k e it a r t y .

But not druggy.

B l o w me away.

H a ha.

B l o w in m y ear .

H a ha.

C u l l , d u c k l i n g , m i d g e , c u t tool. " T h a t m a n c o u l d u n m a n me .

U n m a n me , y o u . " Guevara, Borgia, Medici, Barbarian C o n a l , the Irish b l u e - s k i n n e d w a r r i o r c a t a m i t e of the g r e a t Q u e e n Warri o r .

(What was her name?

N o t D i e d r e of t h e S o r r o w s ; n o t h a t c a n ' t be her .

B r i t a i n had a w a r r i o r Q u e e n , too.

T h a t w a s B o a d i c i a , w a s n ' t it?)

H e y , m y f r i e n d of y e a r s is E t t y L o u a n d s h e ' s h u m i d , a l i o n in t h e f l o w e r s ; s h e ' s a b u s s t o p baby, she's u n a d u l t e r a t e d ; she's a shrine; s he's neat; and has a l o v e l y c o m ­ plexion.

I % m e a n a n d % s a y a n d fee l w h o l e .

I a s k e d h e r w h a t I s h o u l d do.

She said I s h o u l d p l e a d g u i l t y fo r b e i n g a q u e e r m an.

She can be a shit some t i m e s .

I k n e w I had to g e t a w a y f r o m her , c l i m b up, r u m m y as it seems, and s c o o t away.

I'm not too severe.

T h i s is as p r e c i s e as h a i k u in t e r m s so tight, w i t h o u t a p p a r e n t c o n n e c t i o n , that my d o w n l o a d s of c o n f e s s i o n c o u l d d a m a g e a s o p p y b r a i n n o t c a l l e d to a n y f i n e r h i g h e r s e r v i c e .

NIPPLES M e n o u g h t to c o v e r t h e i r n i p p l e s .

T h e y o u g h t to g e t a w a k e n e d a n d a l a r m e d .

G r o w up, W a l t W h i t m a n , I w a n t to say.

Stop being thrilled, red-lipped, red-roughed l i k e a b l a c k s m i t h at h i s f o r g e , s w o l l e n like the r e d - h o t m e t a l .

S t o p s t a r i n g at h i s h u g e a r m s ; s t o p s t a r i n g at h i s l e a t h e r apron.

You have bug-eyes.

T h e y all h a v e nipples.

G e t o u t of y o u r l o w e r w o r l d w h e r e need and d e s i r e are a l t e r n a t e l y inflicted.

Y o u v o l u p t u o u s l y b u r n to n o m o r e a m y s t e r i o u s f lame.

I w a n t to say , b u t I b u r n , too.

47

COMPASS ROSE OF THE BOY CHICK D a l e B l a i r , b o y c h i c k , s e n t to s c h o o l , l e a r n e d h i s l e t t e r s , d u c k e d t he r ule, s m i l i n g calmly, f e e l i n g cruel. " D a l e B l a i r ' s s w e e t , " t h e y ' d s a y of h e r ~ " their w i s h - y t h i n k i n g m a k i n g her p urr-while, t ruth r e v e r s i n g , m a k i n g h i m grrr!

This thus s t a r t e d her a t h i n k e r him subterranean: y o u ' l l n e v e r s i n k her.

So she c o n t i n u e s s u r g i n g past; n e t s t he r u l y c r u d e l y c a s t .

He w e n d s h e r w a y of h i s o w n w i l l i n g t a k i n g t i m e l i k e l a n d f or t i l l i n g .

Call her " f a r m e r - - G a r d e n e r Time" but k n o w his j o u r n e y ro o t s no clime.

F r o m the b e g i n n i n g D a l e B l a i r c h o s e to m o d e l t h e i r c o m p a s s o n the r ose.

THE

JOB

LOOK LIKE G I A N T M ICE H E A V Y IN T H E H I N D ­ QUARTERS- -LIKE THEY'RE THE LOST TRIBE OF M A R S U P I A L LAWYERS ESCAPED FROM A LATE TWENTY-FIRST CENTURY GENE-SPLICING ACCIDENT AND WHO HAVE EVOLVED BACK D O W N W A R D INTO OUR CENTURIES BECAUSE OF R A D I A T I O N REVERSAL. TRUE, ALSO, S O M E T I M E S THEY LOOK LIKE DEER OR LIKE EOHI P P U S (which was the first h o r s e and t h a t l o o k e d l i k e a p ig) --AND IT'S N O T H I N G I CAN PROVE EXCEPT FOR M Y T H E O R Y A B O U T MICE.

INTERVIEW

Blurred purred furred stirred So I just said 1 terminate i n t e r ----

drawings

KANGAROOS

turo nerd herd word g o t up a n d h a v e to this ------- v i e w

by A L L A D R E S from

RFD

s

#21-23,

1979-'80 48

I STARTED AGAIN b e c a u s e of t he p r e v i o u s t h o u g h I'd r e a l l y l o s t i n t e r e s t in t h e a m b i g u o u s e x p o s i t i o n s that left me baffled.

Hell, I thought, I can't afford anything a n d I ' m s p e n d i n g all t h i s on s o m e t h i n g I d o n ' t k n o w If I e v e n a g r e e w i t h .

But then I m i s s e d the s tuff b e c a u s e tha t ' s the w a y I am, too, I g u e s s - - s o m e o l d left-over liberal hooked n o w on the f l i p - f l o p d i a ­ l e c t i c of s e e - s a w s i n c e r i t y a n d so I d a n c e , m y t w o f a c e s D a c k to b a c k , e a c h a g r e e i n g w i t h its o p p o s i t e , s h u f f l i n g and w a f f l i n g , a middle-agea, mistempoed

di p.

BITTER

PILL

is a b o u t f o r m a l u t t e r a n c e , insinuation, a n d c h a n g e s of m o o d - - a n d i t ' s a b o u t l ost s t r e n g t h a n d th e b l a c k e n e d m a p of t h e U S A a n d t h e b i t t e r p i l l is a l s o a b o u t e l y s i u m a n d t h e I s l e of C os, a n d c h o c o l a t e c a k e s that a r e al l c l o t t e d a n d u n ­ h e a l t h y as p a r a g r a p h s a n d A l e x a n d e r and D a m o c l e s and z i t h e r - l i k e rages a n d r o o t c a n a l s in t e e t h a n d a b o u t b e i n g in a g o d - a w f u l h u r r y bu t y o u d o n ' t k n o w it yet .

PRETTY

SPEECHES

Listening for t he c o m i n g d a r k n e s s , s t a r i n g out of w i n d o w s , s i l e n t in g r i e f t h a t h o l d s its t o n g u e p r e t t y s p e e c h e s a r e to m e a blue background y o u g e t u s e d to by d e g r e e s as w o r d s t h a t fal l b e t w e e n us --dead things.

49

OCCUPATIONS writer computer consultant unemployed conference teacher's center employee house spouse/chemist editor metaphysical counselor retired professor of history tutor/wai tress business manager bookstore manager trekking consultant/gentlcman farmer living on disability group home counselor artist farmer retired forester retired architect retail shop owner m-nurse letter carrier contractor/hcrbal direct mailer student town administer/farmer student/character animator/film maker data processing manager glass blower vet assistant human services heating and solar contractor retail sales gardener on private estate retired librarian administrator cosmetologist appraiser, fine arts retired radio announcer gardener/grounds keeper teacher financial cleric yard work painter ladies shoe salesperson episcopal priest unemployed ex-actor attorney artist/bonsai grower clergy mechanic hospital worker peasant-clothes maker psych teacher housing advisor nurse, anestnetist dairy farmer architect blue collar labor, industry planet earth clinieal/social worker poet/masseur writer/art 1st/performer foundry worker school bus driver trainer in corporation/col lege an professor Anist/banner maker/art instructor leather clothing tailor firefighter postal clerk communard house restoration, antique dealer, teacher actor/writer service technician programmer compamon/assistant artist you’re kidding bike courier, messenger electronic technician faerie

Readers Freely Disclose

In last Spring's issue we had an RFD questionnaire in the pull out section surrounded by The Faerie Guide to Washington, D.C. In it we asked readers to tell us ♦about themselves and about what they thought of the magazine.

Well, over the summer, we received 151 surveys, and a couple months ago we sat down as a collective one evening and compiled the results of the surveys. It was a very educational event for us, and we learned a lot about RFD readers, ourselves, and different perceptions of RFD. Although some surveys came as late as Halloween, I tried to incorporate those results in this article as well. Of course, there is too much info to share all of it. but all the suggestions and comments about how RFD is put together and how it could change will be used to guide our vision of the magazine in the future. We also hope that reader feel free to send us feedback (or articles) whenever they have something to say.

First we want to thank all those who took the time to write and send the questionnaire back. Thanks for the sincere (and humorous) responses, and thanks too for your patience in waiting for the results I had based the survey largely on one done about ten years ago in issue #30, because I thought it would be interesting to see how the readership had changed, if at all.

But I also added some questions that would help us understand what people like and dislike about RFD. In the process I learned from one reader that the first survey was actually provided in issue #5. which Stv recently came across while reviewing the first set of RFDs for the anniversary retrospective.

It is interesting to note that while the readership was smaller back then. 276 responded to the first survey, and 331 responded to the second (that’s 30% of the subscribers!). Some of the reasons the response was smaller this time may be due to the busy graphics and number of questions asked on the questionnaire. Many of the questionnaires were only partially filled by the readers, so if the totals below vary it's because they are based on the number of responses to that particular question.

Being the second oldest, continually-running, gay publication (or something like that), RI D clearly has a history that goes beyond many of our collective's memories; some of the information and remarks that came from long-time readers (a few faithful since issue # 1!) really taught us a lot and helped put our work in perspective.

Readers Flavored Differently I'll start by noting that we got responses from just about every state, as well as a Jew from Canada, Australia and Great Britain (special thanks to you all). However, the greatest number came from Massachusetts, Pennsylvania, California and New York.

Were all the readers male? Not one! That is, all were male, except for one.

However when we asked folks what their gender was, some responded in faerie fashion with answers like 'Gender Bender', 'Prick', 'Fluid Male', and 'Mixed'.

The next space on the questionnaire was for sexual orientation. While most identified as 'gay', there were (read this to the tune of Twelve Days of Christmas) nine 'bisexuals', eight 'homosexuals', seven 'queers', five 'males to males', three 'samesexers, two faeries, and a "95% heterosexual" (in a pear tree).

O f the 144 responses to the 'age' question, 13 were in their 20's (9%), 46 were in their 30's (32%), 48 were in their 40's (33%), 23 were in their 50's (16%), 7 were in their 60's (5%), and 5 were in their 70's (3.5%). One responded to the question, stating he was "too old." and another stated he was "ageless"( 1.5). Besides those two, the youngest was 21, the eldest 74! It's really exciting to see such a range of ages, especially to see the number of elder readers.

The responses to the question on spirituality were so diverse that I thought it would be appropriate to honor that diversity by listing all the different answers. They are listed on the far right (The same goes for the various occupations — listed on the far left.)

Just a handful of readers belong to collectives or communes (10), and only 36 of 113 respondents live in rural or wilderness areas! (20 were in small towns, and 57 were in large towns or cities.) This reflects what RFD discovered over ten years ago, that about half of the readers are city dwellers. A minority use alternative heat sources: 25 mentioned they used wood heat, two or three said they used solar electricity, and one mentioned passive solar. However, when asked how they heated their homes, readers also offered these "alternative" responses: "very well, thank you," "with anger, frustration, pain, passion, and love," and a simple "1 don't."

Although many readers live in the city, a vast majority seem to be gardeners of some sort. Ot the 106 who said they were, 51 grew veggies, and 41 grew flowers (some did both). It sounds like we have the potential to really do seed swaps and gardening info sharing! One reader stated. "I’ve surrounded the house with trees, shrubs, vines, flowers, etc. for privacy and quiet. I painted the house black so it is invisible." Clearly gardening meant different things to each; there was only one professed self-sufficient farmer (10 partial ones), while at the other end of the spectrum, some readers only had room for "window boxes on the fire escape," or "one house plant."

50

questionnaiR oF rfD

Folks produced everything from 'citrus’ to ’feathers', from 'weeds’ to 'love'.

Though the most commonly produced crops were veggies (28), fruit (14), herbs(8), and wildflowers(7). The most popular animals were chickens (7), cows (4), sheep (3), and ducks, goats, geese and pigs, each with one entry.

R esponses F avor D iversity Now. about RFD and its readers. As we mentioned in the last Between the Lines, almost half of you (48 of 106) discovered RFD through friends (so please, keep spreading the word), then from bookstores (30), publications (15), and a good number (13) from divine announcement (as we had well expected). While most ( 88) were subscribers, about a fourth (27) were not. (We would like to encourage all of those folks to become subscribers, especially if you find that you buy every issue or nearly every issue.)

What helped us out the most in the survey was to hear what you all liked and what you wanted to see more of. On the top of that list was photos, diverse geographic representation, rural information, erotica, fiction, rituals and articles on coming out. We have expanded our pages to the limit (80) of what can be stapled, however we always find* them filling up quickly. Nonetheless, if there are things that you particularly want, we encourage you to write and submitting them yourselves. While we can't promise that it will get in.'we are always looking for more material to choose from. (And please know that we often hold on to things in the hopes that they may get in an upcoming issue.)

When we asked if you thought RFD had changed, it seemed about an equal amount of readers thought it had and hadn't. While many seemed disappointed that it had become 'slicker' others said it was easier to read. Some felt there was less and less rural-oriented articles, while others applauded the change in content.

Fhe contradictory opinions continued. For example, when we asked why some folks stopped subscribing some said things like "RFD became so anti-established religion it hurt” and "I'm not interested in faeries," while others said, "Never will I stop! How dare you ask me?" And when asked what changes folks would like to see, many said "don't change a thing," while others had a long list of suggestions (as listed above).

We were left saying, "Hmmm," to ourselves, unsure what to do with the ambivalence. But it was good to hear so much feedback, both positive and negative, and we will attempt to bring in more of the materials people asked for, while not changing so much that we stop becoming what seems to be an important magazine tor so many others. " What was most favorite? Well, at least in last Winter's issue, readers picked the following as most enjoyed: photos. Down home Erotica, Kitchen Queen. Poetry, and the Country Journal. Another way to look at readers favorites is to see the tallied results of the back-page chart. In the chart we asked readers to rank their favorite RFD departments from 1-16. with 1 being the highest. Some folks ranked the departments in different ways (isn’t that inevitable), and 1 admit, they weren’t the clearest instructions to follow. However, I tried to compensate for this, so that the relative scores came out even. The chart below was based on 113 surveys. The first set of numbers represent the total points given for each department, with the lowest number being the highest ranking; the second set of numbers represent the number of times readers gave that column the highest rating (#1). (My

R K IJG IO N /S IM R IT U A U T Y wi Idemess/outdoors body new age-ish, affirmations, visualization more questions than answers, occult b'hai mythology Christian atheist atheist paganism catholic none pagan none at present united methodist Unitarian new age unitarian/pagan etc. conventional and odd none worth mentioning baptist pagan faerie gay Christianity celtic/druid/zen/early Christian jewish

faerie wiccan Christian, true biblical interpretation Jewish hcritage/no current practices spirit by nature/jewish by birth pagan out of Jewish neo-pagan inter religious dialogue liberal christain open to all believe in what i see constant questioning full gospel minister heathen church of england advaita hindu native american je wi sh/sha man i st ic taoist jewish, native, goddess reincamation/ancient egyptian the g()ddess practically none greek mythology i collect paper pope toys american indian course of miracles

yoga/psychedelics/tarot

astrology pagan, wicca, hoodoo wicca, witchcraft, tantnc magic new age. american indian, meditation nature spirituality tt of #\ votes T otal D epartm ent eclectic, universalist, taoism, pagan 41 376 Visual/photos eastern religion 33 377 Announcements Chinese thought 24 397 Features earth brother 20 411 Health catholic/wicca 21 437 Non-fiction pagan, society o f friends 35 446 Contact letters gay spirituality, shamanism 27 468 Spirituality sexual spirituality 24 492 Faerie Networking active lutheran 14 527 Book Reviews lean toward Christian experience 15 532 Fiction metaphysical, s.d.a., mormon, buddhist 17 610 Gardening christened a Christian 19 641 f aerie Archives ^killed by gay basher fanatics 9 686 Kitchen Queen pantheist 12 749 Advertisements buddhist 17 752 Lunar Calendar put a capital n on nature and go there 8 923 Brothers Behind Bars nature/human/individual unitarian/a.a.

Well, that's about all there is to report.

Again, thanks to everyone who lacota tradition-pagan ism participated. And remember, you can drop us a line or submit something anytime you feel neo-paganism-native amencan-buddhist the urge. tantra pagan neo-christian science Ja n N a th a n and The S hort M ountain Collective raised roman catholic, seeking new values the place where Christianity Judaism, buddhism, hinduism do not conflict

51

Last Saturday evening a guy called in response to my ad in the local gay rag. The ad boasted a "bodacious bottom" and the guy was interested but I was tired and suggested he call me the next day, Sunday. After lunch and shopping with a friend. I returned to my apartment for a nap. The guy called back and we talked some more and I suggested he come on over. 1 had been running the ad for some tome and had some very exciting sex (usually safely but sometimes not). Yes, I knew I was opening myself up to dangerousness (pardon the pun) but what the hell.

He arrived at my door and I buzzed him in. 1 led him to the bedroom while I went to the bathroom to get ready. I returned and he was sprawled out on the bed, naked and hard as could be. I joined him there and munched down. He really was getting into it and ordered me to lick his nuts. I did so and he said, "Do you like to be ordered around?â&#x20AC;? I mumbled that sometimes I did. He then asked if I'd like to be tied up and fucked like a pig. I stopped sucking his very well proportioned cock and mumbled from my position that "No sir, I don't want to be tied up but fucked like a pig would be just fine.â&#x20AC;? I went back to sucking and soon I felt his orgasm coming on and got quite a mouthful. \Ve rested a few minutes and he picked up his clothes and went to the living room to dress. I remained naked on the bed and soon he returned dressed.

I looked up and he pulled a very large knife out ot his pants and stuck it out at me and demanded.

"Where is your money?" I was terrified.

He clearly had the upper hand and since I work in the criminal justice system, I knew to do whatever an armed assailant demanded. ( Yes, even though I had been dancing with the threat of death for some time; more on that later; I was very afraid and most certainly did not want to die right there on my bed on this beautiful Motherâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s day!)

He ordered me to give him my money. I indicated that my wallet was on the dresser and that I did not have any money. He looked into my wallet and found I had told the truth. He saw my bank ATM card and ordered that 1 write the security number down. With a knife at my throat, I did not hesitate to comply and most assuredly wrote the correct number down on the paper. He then asked where my bank was and I informed him that the branch 1 use is at Connecticut and L St. NW. (1 he AI M card is accepted at most money machines throughout the city). He then asked where were my keys. I replied that they were in the door. He then grabbed some of my neckties and told me to lie face down on the bed and put mv hands behind my back. I did so and he held the knife on me and tied my hands together. As soon as my hands were secure he tied my feet together and then tied my feet to my hands. I truly felt hog-tied.

He seemed to feel satisfied that I was securely tied up and then proceeded to get a kitchen towel and another tie and secured the towel in my mouth with the tie. He then cut the w ires leading to my telephone/answenng machine and told me in very very blunt terms that he had my keys and the ATM card better work and that he would be back in 15 minutes and if the number didn't work I was a dead man.

1 was terri fied.

I heard the door to my apartment close and then I began struggling with my ties. Got the one out of my mouth. When he tied ^ mv hands 1 had held it in such a way that I was able to maneuver a little.

I then put all of my 215 pounds into'freeing my feet from mv hands.

I he ties broke and I was able to roll off the bed and hobble into the kitchen; got a butcher knife and cut the ties so I could walk. Threw on some clothes and grabbed a second set of keys and ran out of the house I saw a policeman writing a ticket and, while shaking like a leaf, told the policeman what had happened. He immediately radioed for a detective and put out an APB for the suspect. I could not tell whether the guy had returned but the detective entered the apartment and said all was clear Another officer arrived and took all of the details of the robbery. I left my apartment to spend the night with a friend.

"Tied Up and Fucked Like a Pigl" by

Raphael

Sabatini

I called a lock-smith and he immediately came over and we changed the locks on my apartment door since the assailant had my entire set of keys. That made me feel somewhat better but he could still get into the building with my front door keys. I returned to my friend's house, spent the night and went to work the next morning still very upset.

I got even more frightened at the prospect of returning to the building and finding him there and decided to return to my doctor to get some chemical assistance to deal with the stress. I had just been there one week before to deal with work-related stress and when he saw me this time, he said he would give me some Xanax as a "quick-fix" but that 1 was doing a lot of very destructive behaviors (indiscriminate sex. drinking, etc.) and he strongly recommended I get some professional psychological help. I said I would.

So what does all of this mean? The doctor was right; I have been doing lots of avoidance! I felt a severe loss when Gary Holt died, then my father and then Michael Mason (three people who I loved very much and felt they loved me). Their loss left very deep holes in my spirit and I tried many things to fill those holes; the last try' very nearly left me dead (which may have been my desire all along). However, I survived. Why? At this point I can't answer that; but with professional help I hope to be able to figure it out. Keep tuned. Love. Rafael.

POST SCRIPT May 25, 1993 This very terrified country boy fled the big old mean city and retreated to the Midwest with pharmaceuticals in hand for a much needed rest. After an almost endless succession of televised episodes of "The Young and the Restless" and the like, I boarded the plane to return to DC. The rest at home and the return trip allowed me the opportunity to contront my tears; truly the most obvious one the person who held a knife to my throat and took my possessions. But it also allowed me to face some of my fears of my and others' mortality. Rather than allow myself to feel the pain AND joys of relationships. I had just proceeded to "shut down" the operation and travel on an auto-pilot.

The robbery incident left me alive. While I do not see any GRAND spiritual message there, one still remains; I survived. I will continue to survive. Yes. I have much to learn about myself and how I use mechanisms (drugs, booze, sex, etc.) to avoid those learning situations. I am sure I will still use some of those tools. But I will also make a conscious attempt to take a chance when I can and learn as much about myself as I can.

I feel like the proverbial Japanese sword which is heated, hammered, folded, bent, pounded, heated, hammered, folded, bent, etc., etc. I sincerely look forward to meeting some of you in the process. f a

7 f(C .

THE PERSONAL BECOMES POLITICAL BECOMES SPIRITUAL

BY

K E I T H GE ME RE K / K E I S H A L O R R A I N E As a gay man and photographer I am exploring some aspects of myself with this project. It is a chapter in my own life that is unfolding.

At the age of 40, with friends dying or getting ill from the ravages from AIDS, I began to realize that time (and abilities) to accomplish or realize dreams was not only limited but unpredictable. My definition of myself, the construct of who I had become, the who I presented to the world and the who I allowed myself to be to my self, were about to go through a transformation. My own personal saga was about to take some leaps.

I come from South Buffalo, surrounded by working class Irish families mostly, was raised Catholic and made it through public and Catholic schools. My gayness was known to me very early on, as was sexuality. But I knew not to speak of either one It was only lapses of guilt that allowed me to explore or accept this other side of me, the forbidden one. These lapses were windows that let fresh air in to my self that was beginning to be inwardly defined by society and church.

53

I became an expert at keeping people at a safe distance and making my work be my reason for being ! had been drawn to open education by reading Summerhlll by A. S. Neal, and as a response to my stifling and rigid education I spent 10 years trying to create in the public school system, an environment in which a child could develop at his or her own rate by following his or her own interests free from competition in a stimulating and supportive environment. IThe CAUSE SCHOOL kept me busy with this progressive movement but I allowed no time for myself outside of this career.

I was fearful of my own sexuality and how to fit it into my life while working with other people’s children. One child’s father told me, as we were working together making learning materials for the students late one night, that if he discovered his son’s teacher to be gay he would take his son out of the school. It didn’t help me feel comfortable about my own sexuality to hear this. It closed the closet door even tighter.

I eventually realized I needed to explore my own interests.

Seeking an independent and creative life I decided to explore photography as a career. I worked on research projects about Buffalo’s historic and artistic past, as well as my own family’s history. Eventually I moved to the photo capital of the world and made a stab at learning commercial photography in New York.

I spent a couple of years exploring my spirituality with the Divine Light Mission and learned many important lessons about the energy we carry inside us and how to meditate but sexuality was addressed as something separate from' spirituality.

54

In Park Slope, my new neighborhood in Brooklyn, I heard a rumor that some gays were invading local straight pubs with “Queer Nites." Scott and I began to seek out these neighborhood venues while these friendly establishments discovered our gay dollars. The neighborhood seemed suddenly smaller and friendlier. How could this be happening for me, so easily.

New York's School of Hard Knocks picked me up and soon I was working with a struggling slum landlord doing the barely essential renovations for welfare tenants in recently abandoned buildings. I worked long hard hours and acquired new skills. Eventually I was hired by a cabinetmaker and learned to be skillful. At the same time I was assisting professional photographers. So I was living with two careers, and working all the time. No time for personal involvement.

The instigators of this Queer Nite Out, were a lively and creative bunch, a hippyish kind of clan, who at times would all disappear for gatherings in the woods with others like themselves. Queer Nite was not so much fun when they went away. After Scott moved to the west coast, and I was trying out my solo performance on the local scene, four of these “faeries” circled around me and enthusiastically involved me in one of their conspiracies: to photograph them for an upcoming media event they were planning, “Fagtasia." My studio in Brooklyn, was invaded by only four faeries, but the entire floor of the space was covered with piles of wigs, shoes, dresses, fabric, hats, props, make-up. What an intro! What a mess! Well, Fagtasia consumed my life for the next several months, as I fell in love with Ken, one of the principle characters, and the sweetest man on the planet This all spoke to me on such a profound level that it seemed like I was joining a party I had been at years ago, or perhaps a lifetime ago. It was like remembering something funny and warm, and familiar. I was part of this and it was part of me.

After ten years of this intensity and career split, I had an occasion to see classmates from my grade school at a 25th reunion. I realized that the passage of time had sped up. It set me off on a quest to begin to allow myself intimacy with another human being. Awareness of the AIDS epidemic was working to define the priorities of gay people, out and closeted.

So I gradually opened myself up to allow another man into my safe space. I met Scott, a special young man whose beauty and gentle nature worked to melt years of closeting. The joys and pains of love were sweet and bitter, but blissfully human.

What a beautiful world it had become!

The gay community in New York, once I had opened up to it, was overwhelmingly active and inviting. Where to plug in was the only question. On every level--the personal, the political, the spiritual-all of it was vibrating. During my drab years of non-involvement, those who went before me built a fabulous ship for me to simply jump aboard. I was ecstatic, and grateful for their contributions to the very foundation of my life as a gay man. I came to ACT UP a little late in the game but no one asked where I had been. There was a crisis to deal with.

55

While it is photography that brought me to the faeries, it is also photography that provides me with a way to contribute. It is a way of exploring my own involvem ent in sp irit/com m unity life. Careful not to “objectify" but to create imagery that exemplifies our lives, I feel that if we don’t take control of our own images, who will? As I grow within the faerie community, with the tools I have to offer, the skills I have acquired, I can work toward a comprehensive view of our place in the human struggle toward a balance on this beloved planet. It is a personal view, an insider's view, with an awareness that my own view has its place in speaking to the larger community.

Rs uie go to press me haue learned that Keith/Keisha s photography mill be on e«hibit at the CEPR Gallery in Buffalo, N.V. (700 Main St/14202/ (7161-856-27171 in 1994, either in a group shorn in Rpril or his omn shorn in the fall. He can be contacted about his mork at 230 3rd St., Brooklyn, N.V. 11215 (718)625-7571.

56

In a 1978 article, Lady's Circle Patchwork Quilts declared that "Victorian quilts are so often unplanned and ’crazy' that they are ot little interest except as curiosities."

Those who think of crazy quilts as simply pieces of scrap fabric randomly stitched together ignore the rich beauty that embroidery, lace, beads, buttons, oil painting, and other embellishments add to the quills.

Nor, do they and Lady’s Circle Patchwork Quilts understand that these quilts were often made by women to record the history ot their families. For example, between 1888 and 1900, Mima Perkins made a crazy quilt from pieces of fabric left over from children’s clothes.

It included embroidered croquet mallets, the outline of a child’s hand, and the words "Hurrah" and "Look and Live." From conversations which have taken place with family members who still own this quilt, we know that "Perkin’s quilt was often used to relay family history to her children and grandchildren. The frequent path of hands across the surface has left it worn and somewhat frayed. But the body of the quilt remains intact, a tribute to a remarkable African American family."

Some have suggested that crazy quilts have their roots in the American colonies and, as such, were the first quilts made in this country. This theory accepts the idea that as coverlets wore out, the colonists couldn’t afford new ones. As a result, they would patch the coverlets with bits and pieces of fabric from worn out clothes. These patched coverlets gave rise to the idea that whole quilts could be patched together with scrap fabric. Later, when cloth became more accessible, geometric designs were developed and the crazy quilt pattern was used less and less frequently.

Another theory traces the influence of Japan. This theory' cites the fact that the crazy quilt mania dates from the tiine when Commodore Perry opened Japan to outside trade. This event also introduced Westerners to the cracked-ice asymmetrical design which was prominent in Japanese art.

But the biggest influence on crazy quilting was most likely the general clutter of the Victorian Era. "Queen Victoria was a compulsive collector of ’stuff,’ from memorabilia of Albert [her husband who died while still a young man], to flora and fauna under glass to clothing to furniture. Her overdone style was copied by her admiring subjects, who filled their homes with heavy, overstuffed furniture, plush fabrics covering windows and walls and knickknacks and mementoes." An old cliche is that the Victorians did not know enough to leave well enough alone.

In Decorative Art o f Victoria’s Era published in 1950, Francis Lichten wrote that "By the 1880s silk patchwork dwindled into the supreme efflorescence of tastelessness, the ’crazy quilt.’ Concentrated here in one article were the most deplorable Victorian characteristics-sentimentality, lack of decorative restraint, love of richly encrusted

57

textures." Yet, it is these very characteristics which leads to our current appreciation of crazy quilting.

Although ribbon, lace, buttons, beads, and oil paints were used to decorate crazy quilts, they are most known for their embroidery.

Scenes from nature such as flowers, birds, and other animals were elaborately embroidered throughout the quilt.

Seam lines were frequently covered with embroidery stitches as well. Quilts could often take thousands of hours to make.

In addition to these standard embroidery patterns, quilt makers would often stitch in the names and initials of family members.

Favorite family activities would also be included. In a quilt that we designed for Pat Drury, a retired Delta College Professor of History, fabric, embroidery, beads, and buttons had a floral theme in honor of her wonderful Victorian garden. We also included an apple for the teacher. At the time we made the quilt. Professor Drury had recently begun doing research on the diaries of Myra Parsons dating from 18821892. She frequently tells the story of how she spent hours trying to figure out how Nancy, one of the names mentioned in the text, was related to the Parsons. She eventually discovered that Nancy was the family horse and we included a horse in her quilt.

In another quilt made for 3 year old Alex Berg which we call "Alex’s World," we included his picture as well as items found in his world: fish hooks, deer, turkey feathers, rabbit fur (tanned by Alex’s father), arrow heads, clay beads, and cats.

Crazy quilts celebrate color, decoration, and family history in a way that no other quilt design can match. They are much more interesting than mere curiosities.

References and Suggested Readings "American Crazy Quilt." Quilt World 6.4 (1981): 52-53. "'Hie Blue Ridge Quitters." Lady's Circle Patchwork Quilts 12 (1978): 34.

Bond, Dorothy. Crazy Quilt Stitches. Cottage Grove, OR: by the author, 1981.

Green, Marilyn.

The Button Lover's Book: History, Sewing, Collecting, Care, Button Boxes, Games, Art. Radnor, PA: Chilton Book Company, 1991.

Made to Remember: American Commemorative Quilts. Ithica, NY: Herbert F. Johnson Museum, 1991.

Montano, Judith. Crazy Quilt Odyssey: Adventures in Victorian Needlework. Martinez, CA: C&T Publishing, 1991.

Montano, Judith. The Crazy Quilt Handbook. Martinez, CA: C&T Publishing, 1986.

Valiant, Sharon. "Crazy Patchwork Quilts." Creative Quilting 6.6 (1991): 39, 49.

Making simple ornaments is a great way to learn how to crazy quilt.

Ornaments make great gifts. In addition, sewing can be a great cottage industry. Crazy quilted materials can be sold at bazaars, consignment shops, and through other outlets to raise money.

1.

Choose 8 to 10 fabrics to use in this project. You will also need a piece of muslin or other scrap fabric for a backing.

Remember that you must have some solid fabrics if you wish your embroidery to show up.

2.

Cut a heart pattern, piece of cardboard desire!) Remember inch larger to allow

C

Use the template to cut a heart from your muslin or other scrap fabric. I his will be used as the backing onto which you will sew the pieces of tabric which make up your crazy patch.

technically known as a template, from a or paper. (Or use any other shape you that you will need to cut the template 1/4 for seam allowances.

Tern

\l/ \l/ \|/

\D fdP

4.

Cut a five sided piece of fabric and pin in right side up onto the heart. [Diagram 1]

5.

With right side down, lay a second piece of fabric along one side of the first piece. Then sew along the edge. [Diagram 2]

).

Press the second piece of fabric back. Then continue piecing and pressing. Move clockwise if you are right handed and counter clockwise it you are left handed. [Diagram 3]

l

Continue to attach pieces to the muslin heart. Don’t worry if some pieces go over die sides. You will cut it down later.

[Diagram 4)

!•

When you have finished covering all of the heart, cut it down to size.

Crous Foot

Tlouiers (doublecross) 7)^ 7^; 7 ^

Trench Knot:5

•° •

Couch (anchor)

, , ,,

Using lace, buttons, beads, embroidery floss, oil paint, and other trinkets, decorate the heart.

Remember that the Victorians didn’t know enough when to leave well enough alone.

Use your template to cut another heart to use as a backing for your ornament. You might also cut a piece of batting to make the heart thicker.

The stitches and hand printed text which are used to illustrate this article are reprinted from Dorothy Bond's Crazy Quid Stitches with permission from the author. Copies o f this book may be ordered from Ms. Bond, 34706 Row River Road, Cottage Grove, OR 97424.

The cost is $12.00 plus $3.00 fo r postage and handling. The photographs are details o f a crazy quilt I designed fo r Pat Drury.

The photograph above is o f an original Currier and Ives print which was incorporated into the Drury quilt.

Place the top and bottom hears right side together. Put the batting on top. Then stitch around the outside. Leave a narrow space to turn the heart right side out.

Turn the heart right side out and then finish stitching the edge by hand.

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O v e r file seams oi old ' (m y Patch'guilts are found an endless variety of embroidery'Stitch combinations

R ambler Rose Begin in (he

CHoosiny appropriate threads for your Stitching is important, the weight of the fabric to be embroidered will help to determine the threads most suitable fror example: velvets ( j woolens lend themselves to heavy threads O lightweight yarns, while satins O silks are complimented with floss O * 8 DMC Pear I cotton-(my personal favorite) A package of Creuel needles

Slit 5/io will supply an appropriate tool.

Experiment $ fry using threads of contrasting colors, weights O'’t extures dor varying results.

Please let me know what you think of "Gentleman’s Choice." What do you like and what would you like to see changed. I’d also welcome photographs of you and/or your quilts. $ Steven L. Berg 675 Oyster Road Rose City, MI 48654 59

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Pet Obsessed

by L.D. Little

I

H ear

th e

F a e r ie s

C a llin g

I h ea r the f a e r i e s c a l l i n g an d my h e a r t s a y s y e s . . .

If I forget I reach in s id e to f i n d th e one who w a n t s t o p l a y and dance and re a c h r i g h t o u t t o t h o s e w ho n e e d a h e l p i n g hand.

C radled by our lo v e we o p e n e d u p o u r w i n g s w h ile m eteor showers flash ed through the n ig h t b lessin g our reu n io n .

D aybreak - th u n der in the m o u n ta in s, rain re fre sh in g one l i t t l e ra y of sunshine c a s t a s p e l l o f rainbow lo v e for a ll to see.

Arm

in

arm

sw aying in the b r e e z e I l e t my l o v e go 'round the c i r c l e and a lw a y s g o t back more.

-

D avid

A nthony

A llen

Pet Obsessed!! Jesus, don’t tell me about it! 1 lived with this guy once... fuckin OB-sessed. I mean it. This guv actually tossed me out of my apartment in the middle of the night cause his fuckin dog ran away. I'm not shittin ya. This guv was crazy. Fabulous fuckin body, but crazy. Man, he had a chest that was like, chiseled out of marble.

Course, so was his brain...

Anyway. 1 meet this guy at a club and he seems friendly enough and we dance, have a few drinks, a few tokes. you know the scene.

This guy is BFJEF - packed and stacked - works construction, eh?

Well, no big surprise, we end up back at his place. We open the door and this friggin flea-bag mutt is all over us. but Schwarzenegger doesn't care, he just ruffles him up an starts introducin me to all these cats all over the place. Then he shows me his goddammed turtle that looks sort'a like the top half of a hamburger sittin in a box of dirt. I don't think too much about it cause by this time I'm hornier than an elk herd, an most of my concentration is focused on that throbbin big dick bustin out of his pants.

So Finally we get down to the Fireworks. Now the next morning I m afraid to look, cause you know ow how things can alter with the daylight, but no sweat. This guy is like G.I. Joe crossed with Trigger the horse... if you get my drift. So. 1 stick around. As it turns o u t he’s kinda looking for a roommate cause he lives there alone an it's a big. two bedroom place. I say I'll move in cause w here I was livin was gettin on my nerves on account of the other guys were hopeless assholes... you know the type. And also a place can look pretty appealing when ya got Mr. Advocate Man to bounce ya off to dreamland every night.

I move in an he's real nice at First, helpin me with my boxes, givin me a little space on the rent, just 'til I get my shit together, y'know. So we start cuddlin right up... he even buys me fuckin flowers for chrissake. (Coulda spent the monev on groceries though, cause things were startin to run low.) He's all lovey-dovey an I go along with that. But then this thing with the pets starts to rear its ugly ole head. Me an puppy-dog got things worked out all right cause the first day Mr. Hardhat takes his pneumatic drill off to work and I'm left there in the petting zoo. poochy starts nosin at me. an I give him some frequent flyer points to the other side of the room. Settled that all right.

I remember the First signs of insanity, though, clear as day. I’d been there. I don know, couple a weeks... Dr. Dolittle comes home and wants to know if I can make some dinner while he's out joggin the mutt, which I can't, cause I just found out where I can score us some great dope if we can kinda pool our resources. So we get the coin together an I go off on my mission of mercy. When I get back the bacon's frying an I settle down to roll us up some nice hors d'oeuvres when this fuckin cat starts rubbin herself right in the pile of grass I got laid out. I just grab ole Fluffy an shotput her toaster-ward but with all her clawin around in the air she flies right into the turtle box, which slides off the counter an busts on the floor. So there’s all this friggin hissin and yeowJin goin on, an the turtle goes rollin off under the”fridge like a goddamn hockey puck. Then St. Francis of Assisi lets a curse out of him an goes tearin across the room, goo-gooin after this furball 'til it'd make ya sick... then he starts after the jesus turtle. I am not shittin ya... this guy starts TALKIN to his goddamn turtle!! He pushes the fridge around till he can hook the thing out with an old spoon, then he picks it up and starts talkin right to it. I remember it all right cause he's callin it by name... Stonew all for chrissake!

"This is too fuckin much,” I say. and I smoke three joints right in a row cause I Figure if you have to sit there watching some guy practically making love to Stonewall-the-Turtle then you better be pretty stonewalled yourself or you'll end up a fruitcake too!

That was just the beginning, eh? After that it was all 'mind the little pussycats' an 'doggy doesn't like that' 'til it was like, 'do vou mind if I breathe here?'

Well, one day I come home from goin to see my agent about gettin some work or whatever, an Daddy's all in a big 'flap. He's out doin his joggin around with the mutt an the friggin thing takes off or somethin. Disappears. Well it's mega panic time an he spends all night runnin back an forth from that ravine place where they run, and he’s" asking the neighbors an shit like that. He's really foamin at the mouth so I roll him a nice fat joint so he can get a bit of a grip on. eh? But he just gives me this ugly look an goes stompin off again for the. like, twelve hundredth time.

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The open space in my dining room had been prepared with a square blanket with each comer pointing in one of the four directions and a pillow for my head at the western point. I have no idea why it was important to have my head in the west, but every time I tried in my mind to visualize being placed with my head aligned a different way, this feeling of disorientation took over until 1 was back with my head in the west. Rather spontaneously I had placed a very phallic looking amaryllis with a tall green bulbous bud just in the center of the blanket.

Moving the amaryllis aside, we went to the open space and began an intimacy building ritual moving by stages from handshakes to breathing together to massage, etc., each time paired with a different person. Since the five men were not strangers to me. I had some difficulty entering into the more formal early stages of this ritual and also had trouble "letting go" and making faces at my partner at one point.

When it came time to lean back and be supported by my partner. I thought I was pretty relaxed, only to have my partner place his hand on my forehead and gently push my head back on his shoulder. I hadn't realized until that point that my whole head and shoulders were at their customary rigidity. I had a sense that by the end of this, people were feeling quite comfortable w'ith each other, and they let me know after a group hug that it was time for me to leave. I left the room and went to wait for them to come and get me. I spent most of this time meditating on a candle flame and attempting to empty myself of any places of bodily tension as I became aware of them. I have no real sense of how long this period lasted, but it was a goodly time.

Downstairs, the five were taking turns being undressed by the others while blindfolded. This was going to happen to me later in the ritual, and there was a feeling among the group that they would enjoy experiencing part of the ritual themselves before doing it for me. The undressing happened slowly and deliberately with sporadic outburst ol giggles -- I could only imagine what was going on. I found out later that great care was spent on each person —they were stroked, touched and caressed lovingly as each item of clothing was removed.

When they were all naked and ready, they came upstairs, made sure I had my eyes closed, surrounded me and began stroking and kissing me. The blindfold was put on and I was led downstairs to the middle of the circle. I had been expecting two "guides" to come and get me and rather impersonally lead me downstairs, so I was much surprised to find myself surrounded by all of them continuously in contact with me.

Besides hands, 1 have the delicious memory of cocks being brushed against me and thrust into my hands as 1 was being led downstairs Still kissing and stroking me everywhere, they removed my shirt and eventually my belt. I was by this point purring contentedly! I was then lifted horizontal and while being held afloat the rest of my clothes w'ere removed. I was amazed by the care and love that was going into this process, and also realized that this part of the ritual would have probably been very different if they had not all had the chance to practice this on each other earlier. I was gently laid down on the blanket in the middle of the room - still being caressed. We were then sprinkled with cold water from a stone pitcher using branches of rosemary.

With coconut oil (two large squirt bottles) as a lubricant, the others began to jack off while continuing to kiss, stroke, lick, nibble and pinch me from all sides. With the blindfold I could not be certain of who was where around me. Each of my hands were in contact with a pair of testicles, someone was sensuously slurping on my balls and nibbling the insides of my thighs, one person gave my tits a workout which sent me nearly through the ceiling! The bottles of oil kept getting passed around and gobs of oil were plopping on me everywhere. The energy built while each ejaculated onto me. and it became difficult to tell what was cum and what was oil on my body as they worked themselves into a frenzy. The sounds of five people jacking off and cunning on you are really quite incredible, especially when you are blindfolded so that sounds take on even more intensity! They began to call out my new name and then dipped their fingers in cum and wrote ’Francine' all over my body.

Besides the easily accessible places, someone thoughtfully lifted my legs and wrote 'Francine' brusquely across my ass.

Francine’s clothes were brought out. Purple glitter styling gel was applied to all body hair. Francine was helped to standing and dressed in black lingerie and a black silk kimono jacket plus assorted jewels and trinkets. My favorite comment: "I had no idea Francine would be so tasteful and sleazy all at the same time. Francine was surrounded one last time by the group and the blindfold was removed. Gifts were exchanged and the ritual closed with us each being given salt to taste A lavish potluck picnic was held around the amary llis to close the evening.

By then I'm gettin kinda concerned because Daddy’s looking sort of beat out and I don't want him to be all floppy when bedtime rolls around. "Look," I say to him, "sorry about ole Lassie an all. But let's say we just see if he comes home in the morning and if not, we'll take the whole goddamn family down to the pet store an get a new one."

Doesn't matter though that I'm busting my ass to be all sympathetic an everything. No. Here I am makin like Mother fuckin Theresa, an he starts takin it out on ME! So I remind him that if Rin Tin Tin had been so tickled happy here in Loony-land, he never would have run off in the first place. And that I was surprised the ole boy had stuck it out this long, especially given the fuckin housekeeping standards were like living in a bam. what with all the goddamned animals.

So then he really goes loco an starts hollerin right in my face an bringin up all these exter-aneous opinions (which is somethin I really HATE in an argument) like rent an food an shit like that, an how I couldn't even have one with an animal. And he's casting aspersions everywhere, including some very hurtful things which I do not agree with. And then he starts throwing my stuff into the hallway an bellowing like a bull for me to get out.

1 didn't want to end up like a statistic to some pet obsessed madman so I left. Even though it should have been him that moved out because I'm surprised the place hadn't been condemned on account of him. I let it go. I'm like that sometimes. I just let people walk all over me. But I've had it with the pet obsessed. Yup. I've had it! ®

The flaming Hifual

by Francine Background Minneapolis, MN. About a year ago in therapy I uncovered some really deep pain around issues of emotional neglect from infancy and early childhood. Feeling in a stuck place, I took a weekend journaling retreat on "Reparenting Your Inner Child." Midway through we were asked to write an exchange of letters between our nurturing parent (dominant hand) and our inner child (non-dominant hand) coming out of a meditative state. My nurturing parent started out the letter "Dear Francine" - which blew me away. This was nothing I had ever been called before either as a nickname or in teasing. I wondered if my inner child was a girl or what this was all about. Francine answered back that he was not a girl, but a faerie - that letter ended with "p.s. I'd like some clothes!"

Next we were to have a dialogue with a source of wisdom, so I asked the "Great Faerie" what this meant. The answer came back clearly that this was a part of myself I had known about forever, but had been choosing to neglect - that listening to my faerie voice could get me back on track.

Back home the next day 1 was pondering how to honor Francine.

Out of that contemplation a naming ritual for Francine came to me. 1 thought the ritual quite wonderful, but also outrageous, and wondered who I might ask to do the ritual for me. Eleven names came to me including the two I wanted to talk with first. Before I could lose my courage, I left messages on both their phone machines asking them to call me.

After describing what led up to it. I was quakingly able to read the ritual to them. They were stunned, but supportive and after a long period of discussing it agreed to participate as best they were able.

I spent the next weekend attempting to set times to get together with the other people on my list. Most people had reservations and boundary issues with the ritual and 1 knew people would need time to ponder their involvement.

It was not until Thursday evening, three days before the ritual, that I finally knew who was going to participate. Of the eleven, five remained who wished to do the ritual. We then met together Friday evening so all the participants could meet and get comfortable with each other and also to flesh out the details of the ritual.

Saturday two of the men accompanied me on a shopping trip to get the clothes Francine would be dressed in as part of the ritual. We actually got eight outfits for Francine!

Sunday afternoon was spent mostly in mental preparation, but also gradually raising the air temperature in the house. At five the first participant arrived and by 6:15 all five were there.

It was an unforgettable, perfect, magical, tribal experience which I doubt any of us will ever forget! A wonderful mile marker tor the beginning of anew era in my life -- a healing of the old hurts, a claiming of my fairy' identity, and a building of community between all of us who participated. It felt like what I would imagine it would be like to be initiated as a youth into some aboriginal culture. Who would have thought this could happen in one's own dining room in a city in the I'nited States'? All that was missing were the photographers from National Geographic! ®

I he Ritual The whole house was lit by candlelight (all the ones 1 had. plus bunches that others brought.) We began with an opening circle talking about our feelings being together and in anticipation of the ritual.

Frankincense was burned and passed around several times so we could <iach cleanse ourselves and enjoy the fragrance as we talked. I was struck by the care we had ail taken to be prepared and centered for the ritual.

61

In B r o u g h to n s e a r l i e r w o r k , h is g a y c o n c e r n s w e r e o f t e n c o d e d : s p o k e n a b o u t i n d i r e c t l y o r a m b i g u o u s l y . In s e v e r a l p o e m s , B r o u g h t o n ( l ik e T e n n y s o n ) u s e d f e m a l e p e r s o n a s a s m a s k s t h r o u g h w h i c h to s p e a k h is o w n tr u th — in th is c a s e , a b o u t s e x u a l lo n g i n g f o r a m a n : I ’m s a y in g th a t th e b r ig h te s t b ig s k ir t I c o u l d s p in w a s to c a tc h m e th a t m a in ta c k le m a r k s m a n a t la s t w h o w o u ld w iz a r d m y s h ip a s th e m a te o f a ll tim e w ith a w a lk in g s tic k w e lc o m e to all outdoors a n d a s e a fu ll o f e n e r g y to s e e d m y s u r p r is e . (“ T h e B a lla d o f M a d J e n n y ” ) ( E v e n B r o u g h t o n ’s p e r s o n a s p e a k s in c o d e : “ w a l k i n g s t i c k " a n d “ s e e d , ” i n d e e d ! ) In ‘P a r i s S t r e e t S o n g , ” th e p o e t is m o r e d i r e c t , t e l l i n g u s h e e n v ie s a n o p e n l y s e x u a l, f u n - lo v in g w o m a n :

books

G e r a l d i n e , G e r a ld in e s h e ’s n o t p r e t t y , s h e ’s n o t c l e a n , p la y s w ith th e b o y s a n d le ts t h e m p la y , s ta y s o u t a ll n ig h t o n S a tu r d a y O I e n v y G e r a ld in e !

P o e m s lik e C a ll f o r a D e s p e r a t e M e a s u r e , ” “ I A s k e d th e S e a , ” a n d W h a t Is B u r n in g in th e D e e p ? ” r e a d to m e (in p a r t: I w o u ld n o t w a n t to r e d u c e th e m b y v i e w i n g th e m o n ly f r o m o n e p e r s p e c ti v e ) lik e c r i e s f r o m th e c lo s e t:

Abundant Broughton

A little a r s o n , p le a s e , a little a e r if ic a tio n to d a r e s o m e m ir a c le o f s m a ll s u r p r is e s !

SPECIAL DELIVERIES: NEW AND SELECTED POEMS

By James Broughton. Broken Moon Press. 6 /9 Western Ave Box 10. Seattle. WA 98104. 1990. 2.19 pgs. $19.95 soft. =**

(“ C a ll f o r a D e s p e r a te M e a s u r e ” )

Reviewed by Steven Riel

W h e n o n e r e v i e w s a s e l e c t i o n o f a p o e t ’s w o r k w h ic h s p a n s f o r ty y e a r s o n e t e e ls c o m p e l l e d to s u m u p th a t p o e t 's a c h i e v e m e n t . T h is is e s p e c i a l l y r u e w h e n th e b o o k in q u e s t io n . J a m e s B r o u g h t o n ’s Special Deliveries, is p r e f a c e d w ith a n o v e r v i e w - i n - v e r s e o f th e p o e t ’s a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s a n d p h ilo s o p h y , an d a ls o c o n ta in s a se c tio n o f n e w p o e m s c a lle d “ T e rm in a l R e p o r ts . l a m , h o w e v e r , g o i n g to try to r e s is t th e u r g e to p u ll b a c k f r o m B r o u g h t o n s w o r k a n d c a t e g o r i z e it a s w h o le . I a m s till r e l a t i v e l y n e w to h is p o e tr y a n d a m to o im p r e s s e d w ith a n d d e l i g h t e d b y h is t r e e s to b e c o n c e r n e d a s y e t w ith h is f o re s t.

S i m p l y in t e r m s o f t e c h n i q u e , B r o u g h t o n ’s p o e m s a r e v e r y o f t e n r e m a r k a b le 1 is te n to th e m a je s tic p r o c e s s io n o f a l l i t e r a t io n a n d r h y m e in 1 n e W a te r C ir c le : T h e g e n e r o u s to r r e n t p o u r s g r e e n g if ts o n all o u t d o o r s u p lif ts th e r e s e r v o ir s a n d o u t o f th e fa u c e t th e r iv e r w ill ru n a s it r e f r e s h e s e v e r y o n e .

E a r l i e r p o e m s m a k e t h e s a m e c o m p a r i s o n b e t w e e n th e s u b l i m e a n d th e p r o f a n e , m in u s th e s e x u a l c o m p o n e n t . In “ It W a s th e W o r m , ” th e w o r d s o f a lo w ly w o r m tu r n th e c o s m o s o f C h r i s t i a n i t y o n its h e a d : 1 te ll y o u th e G lo r y liv e s in th e g u t.

C o m p a r e th is to th e tw a n g i n g r h y t h m s o f a s h o r t b a lla d w h ic h c e l e b r a t e s a v ic to r y b y th e G o o d R o d e o F a i r y ” o v e r “r u s t l e r s ” ( w h o s e o f f e n s e is to in te r f e r e w ith th e d a n c i n g o ( “ h o e - d o w n l o v e r s ” g ay c o w b o y s ? ):

W ith in th a t d a r k m e ta m o r p h ic m a z e H e a v e n a n d H e ll c o n j o i n t l y b la z e .

W h a t e ls e g iv e s lig h t to E te r n ity ? th e W o r m , s m i l i n g , s a id to m e .

1 h e n th e G o o d R o d e o F a ir y r o d e o v e r o u r c lo u d a ll b o u n c e a n d liltin g o n a r o u n d u p trip , w ith h is s ta r - s a d d le d p in to , s p iffy t e n - g a l l o n , a n d n e a tly s h a r p - s h o o t i n g tr ic k s o n h is h ip .

S im ila r ly u n e x p e c te d in s ig h ts a r e p r o v id e d to th e s p e a k e r in “ A V is it f r o m T h re e M u s e s ” w h e n h is r a u c o u s m u s e s c o m e u p o n h im in a c h i c k e n y a r d , “ r i g h t a c r o s s th e c h i c k e n m a s h ! ” ( S i g n i f i c a n t l y , in t h is e a r l i e r p o e m , th e s p e a k e r e n d s u p in b e d w ith h is th r e e fem ale m u s e s . ) F o r B r o u g h t o n , n e i t h e r s p i r itu a lity n o r i n s p ir a tio n is d i v o r c e d f r o m th e p h y s ic a l r e a l i t y o f o u r l iv e s ; h e f i n d s th e t r a n s c e n d e n t in th e c h i c k e n c o o p , th e w o r m ’s in te s tin e , a n d th e p i g ’s tr o u g h :

(" T h e G o o d R o d e o F a iry ” ) I h e G o o d R o d e o F a i r y ” s e r v e s a s a n e x c e l l e n t e x a m p l e o f B r o u g h t o n ’s a b i l i t y t o d r a m a t i z e th e f a n t a s t i c a n d l u d i c r o u s w ith e n o u g h c o n c r e t e s p e c i t ic it y th a t h a v i n g seen th is f a ir y r id e ‘a ll b o u n c e a n d l i l t in g " o v e r a c lo u d ( i n s t e a d o f r id in g w-ith J o h n - W a y n e - l i k e d e t e r m i n a t i o n o v e r a d u s ty

I f o n e c o u ld p o s s ib ly p ig o u t o n s u b l i m i t y , s u b lim ity at th e v e r y to p o f its f o r m , O th a t w o u ld m a k e u p f o r a lo t.

’ T \ uV in g Wl\tChed h i m r e ! >' 0,1 “ s h a r p - s h o o t i n g t r i c k s ” ( i n s t e a d o f d e a d l y p i s t o l s ) , w e l a u g h with a n d n o t at h im a n d h is p r e p o s t e r o u s v i c t o r y . T h e p ix -t u n a p o l o g e t i c a l l y p r e s e n t s th e p l e a s u r e o v i n g d a n c e r s a n d t h e i r f a ir y s a v i o r in a p o s i t i v e li g h t , it is a s th o u u h B r o u g h to n g i v e s u s ( a s r e a d e r s / a u d i e n c e ) p e r m i s s io n to r e a l i z e , w ith in th e s a f e ty o f th e p o e m ’s r e a lm , th a t a s u p p r e s s e d p a r t o f o u r s e l v e s w a n ts to th r o w o f f o u r s h a c k l e s a n d j o i n in th e d a n c e r s ' " p r e t t y h e i g h - h o s . ” W h ile r e a d i n g th is b o o k . I o f te n f e ll th a t B r o u g h t o n w a s r e m i n d in g th e in n o c e n t , f u n - l o v i n g c h i l d in m e th a t w h a t is m y s t e r i o u s , m a g i c a l a n d

(“ S till R e v is in g th e O p u s " ) B r o u g h t o n r e v e a l s a n a w a r e n e s s o f t h e r e v o l u t i o n a r y n a t u r e o f h is m e s s a g e . In o n e o f h is q u i e t e s t a n d m o s t m o v i n g p o e m s , “ T h e G a r d e n e r o f E d e n , th e s p e a k e r in v i t e s u s t o r e tu r n to a p r e - C h r i s t i a n m i n d - s e t in w h i c h t h e e a r t h ’s “ r o u n d s o f d e s i r e , ” w h i c h t h e s p e a k e r / g a r d e n e r so lo v in g ly te n d s a n d f e r tiliz e s , a re n o t c o n d e m n e d f o r th e ir fe c u n d s e n s u a lity :

m T i f ? c o u‘| V u , S h t e fV? S m y ,b i n h n 8 h l: «hat th e g i g g l e s till b e l o n g e d to m e d I c o u ld le t g o o f t h e s n i c k e r w ith w h ic h 1 h a d b e e n ta u g h t to r e p l a c e f n r B, a ^ m ^ p ite

T h e u n o b t a i n a b l e f ir e th a t B r o u g h t o n s a w “ b u r n i n g in th e d e e p / th a t c h u r n s th e b r e a k e r s w ith d e s i r e ’ s e e m s to b e th e p a s s i o n a t e g a y lif e he w a n te d . F-o r th a t r e a s o n , I A s k e d th e S e a ’ a n d “ W h a t Is B u r n i n g in th e D e e p ? a r e b e a u t i f u l p o e m s , b u t th e y a r e p a i n f u l to r e a d . B r o u g h t o n , l o o k i n g b a c k o v e r h is l if e , w r i t e s , “ In m y d e c i d u o u s y e a r s 1 m a y h a v e b e e n d e f e a t e d / b u t I w a s b o r n to v i c t o r y in th e e v e r g r e e n t i m e ” (“ T h e L a s t S e r m o n o f G n a r l e y N e v e r ” ); o n c e h e c a m e o u t a s a g a y m a n in h is p o e tr y , h is th e m e s c o u ld g lo w ' b r ig h tly , f u e le d b y th e d e s i r e s h e h a d u n til th e n o n l y o b s e r v e d f r o m a f a r . F i n a l l y , h is s p i r i t a n d s e x u a l i t y w e r e a l i g n e d , th e s u b l i m e a n d p r o f a n e h a d b e c o m e o n e : “ O n ly th r o u g h b o d y c a n / y o u c l a s p th e d i v i n e (“ S h a m a n P s a l m ” ); “ O th e lo i n s o f m a n k i n d lo v e th e s e c r e ts o f G o d ! (“ I h e L o in s o f M a n k i n d ’); “ th e s o u l n e s t le s in th e g e n i t a l s ( T h e L a s t S e r m o n o f G n a r l e y N e v e r ” ). T h e p o e t in v o k e s th e g o d H e r m e s to “ I n f u s e u s w ith a n a l s u b l i m i t y ” (“ H e r m e s , B r i i u i e r o f H e a t s ” ). &

W o u ld y o u w e lc o m e th a t s ig h t if y o u sa w it?

R e v a lu e th e v ie w y o u h a v e lo s t?

C o u ld y o u w a k e to th e in n o c e n t m o r n in g a n d f o llo w th e r is k s o f y o u r h e a r t?

m ft " S rh e IO ri^ a l s t r a t c e y 1,1 rt*is p o e n i is a r is k y a n d b r a v e o n e m a le p o e t to e m p l o y ( e s p e c ia ll y in th e e a r l y Id S O s!) f o r w h ile th e is d i s i t r m 'n g , t 1S a | s o s t r a i g h t f o r w a r d : c l e a r l y its h e r o is a fairy. In o f ( o r r a t h e r . because of) its d e l i g h t f u l s u r f a c e o f ja z z y o f f b e a ts , its

O n e o f th e c e n tr a l c h a l l e n g e s that C h r i s t i a n i t y h a s se t b e f o r e its adherents o v e r th e p a s t tw o th o u s a n d y e a r s h a s b e e n . “ W o u l d y o u a id o r tu r n y o u r b a c k o n C h r i s t it h e c a m e a g a i n in to o u r m i d s t ? " In t h e a b o v e p a s s a g e .

D ^ m H s n m f e ’ ? C u HXi R odC O f a i r > ■*'1,ke 8 0 n ,;in > o f B r o u g h t o n ’s p o e m s , is p a i f o u n d l y s u b v e r s iv e . It is th e q u i n t e s s e n t i a l a n t i - W e s t e r n

6:

the T.V., a detail which adds ambiguous nuance. Apples, of course, can imply health (“an apple a day”), or adventure (New York, the "Big Apple”), or sin (“Eve tempted Adam ...”). In this context the apple seems sensual and vaguely sinister. The overall feeling is one of hedonistic delights— both gastronomic and sexual within easy reach.

Broughton asks a similar but very different question about prelapsnrian Eden. Clearly, heaven for him is found on Earth. In another poem, “ 1wo Adams in a Sonoma Wood," the speaker alludes to how unnecessary a heaven would be to the inhabitants of Eden: who in Eden, he asks, "is planning to go anywhere?” In this gay paradise, the two Adams give head to the forbidden fruit (note Broughton's fruity diction: “fresh.* "riper, “juicy”): Rediscovering close harmony fingers practiced fresh arpeggios nipples shone from riper torsos loins opened into full bloom Never had sweat tasted so juicy or prolonged kiss so penetrant.

Neon brightness is also juxtaposed with human flesh in “ Neon Piota.

The background is a brilliantly lit movie marquee on a rainy night. Every lightbulb and neon tube is reflected prismatically from the wet pavement.

In the foreground, a young man cradles the injured body ol his companion. The victim’s shirt is ripped open, revealing vulnerable flesh against the inferno-intense light.

“Neon Pieta” makes use of the religious imagery which is a continuing m otif in Ponty’s work. In “ Of the Angels," a handsome young construction worker ascends from a pit dug in the street. “ Daily Communion” depicts a young man looking out over the city streets while kneeling at his apartment window.

Ponty does fascinating things with “the painting within the painting. In “Red Chair and Blue Sky,” a young man sits indoors on a chair which set in front of a painting of an outdoor scene. The effect is reminiscent of Magritte or Escher.

Never had a sex scene had such religious echoes!

In my opinion, as a group, the newest poems in this collection are more uneven in quality than the earlier selections, but several ot these most recent poems delight as well. 1 especially enjoyed the poised argument and precise sounds of “A Laud for a Brother," written for lellow' poet William Everson; and the contrapuntal and harmonic echoes of ‘T his Wonder,” Broughton’s duet written for tenor and baritone. 1 was moved by his plaintive plea in the final lines of “The Sorrows ol Befuddlement, when he w'rites of his fear of losing his creative powers as he grows older. Happily, this book offers testimony that he remains a vital, necessary poet who continues, through delightful language, to challenge traditional modes of thinking and living, and to show his readers how to do the same.

“All Understood and Forgiven” takes the unusual perspective of having us, the viewer, watching from behind the canvas which Ponty himsell is about to paint on. We see Ponty looking directly at us. while he se e s the blank canvas. Behind him, his two models get ready against the background of an enormous, Reubens like painting of opulently bare breasted women. One of the models (both are young men) is mule, while the other wears a pair of outrageously baggy rose and-whiie boxer shorts. This painting radiates a lazy, narcotic, “ reach out and grab il" sensuality.

Ponty has an offbeat sense of humor in his depiction of the male derriere.

Many of his paintings feature the rear end as their focal point. I le paints it bare, he paints it in jeans, he paints it in sweatpants; his subjects are bent over, standing erect, leaning on counters, kneeling at windows. The clothes covering these bottoms are loose, tight, wrinkled, smooth, clean, smudged, nylon, cotton and, often, non-existent. I’ve never seen such a fascination with the male rear (outside my own fascination, naturally!).

EX L IB R IS

GMP in London publishes a series of gay art books. The lirst of these to come to my attention was a collection of watercolors by Joseph Hutter which I picked up in a used book store. I was astounded by the subtlety and beauty of these works. I might also mention a book of photographs

by George Dureau entitled New Orleans The photos aren’t exactly to my taste (the emphasis seems to be on dwarfs and amputees so very Arbus!), but the man obviously has talent.

Adulate My Radiant Soma

As you can probably tell from this review, I have no training in art or art criticism. I’m the palooka you see in galleries faced with an abstract painting and whining, “ Yeah, but what's it supposed to be’ ” When 1 showed the Hutter watercolor book to an artist friend of mine, he looked at me with pity and said, “Ron, these are just studies! Frankly, I m not even sure what a “study” is. much less why they’re bad. But while my technical expertise is limited, I can promise you this: if you love the male form, G M P’s books will provide you with new altars at which to worship.

INTIMATE ANGEL: PAINTINGS AND DRAWINGS.

By Deni Ponty. Gay Mens Press. PO Box 247, London, N17 9QR, England. <=*►Reviewed by Ron Ahraytis Those of us who worship the male form are often driven to bizarre extremes. Gay writer Newton Arvin attempted suicide after longingly watching a group of young men ice skating on a winter afternoon.

Michelangelo sculpted the David. Achilles defiled the corpse of Hector in a frenzy of anguish over the death of his lover, Patroclus. Personally, the male form invariably inspires me to charge my Visa card way over the limit!

Berdache Potlatch LIVING THE SPIRIT: A GAY AMERICAN INDIAN A N T H O L O G Y . Com piled by Guy American Indians; edited by W'ill Roscoe. St. M artin's Press. 175 Fifth Avc New York, N.Y. 10010. 235 pages. $9 95 soft Reviewed by Michael A

When artist Deni Ponty views the male form, he sees angels. Intimate Angel is a collection of his work, his own sacrifice to the beauty of men.

Ponty, born and trained in Europe but making his home in Los Angeles, presents us with a world of languorous sensuality. His paintings depict firm young muscles, wide shoulders, gleaming skin, sparkling eyes, idealized contours, luxurious hair, and a laid-back, bohemian eroticism which seeps into the marrow of your bones and burns with a maddening urgency.

L u tes

On a brisk autumn day, while in the Lakeview neighborhood (( Imago). I stopped in at Unabridged Books and discovered a small treasure on the bookshelf. Living the Spirit details the lives of the first gay Americans, who neither inhabited San Francisco nor New York, were non white, and predated the First European colonists. The beauty of the book lies in the historical tales of the individuals, and how they lived an open life and were proclaimed spiritual beings in many instances.

In 1984, The History Project of Gay American Indians (based in San Francisco) set out to document the social role ol the berdache in over 135 North American tribes. The result of over five years of painstaking research brings together personal vignettes, art, stories, poetry, historical accounts, and writings from contemporary gay Indians that eloquently recreate the past and add perspective to present-day Native American views.

Ponty is a master of basic techniques, and is especially talented in the use of light, shadow, and mirror. He can capture photographic clarity when appropriate, or fade off into an impressionist skyline, or hint at form with a charcoal pencil.

What 1 found most fascinating was his juxtaposition of neon radiance with human skin. In my favorite painting, "First and Last,” two young men in a small apartment watch television. Their bodies are pink and natural, one lying nude across the bed with his fingers around his penis, the other wearing white shorts while sitting in a wing back chair. The television screen is an eerie neon blue, glowing luridly in the midst of the muted, voluptuous male bodies. A sliced apple lies on the table in fiont of

63

L o n g b e f o r e t h e w h i t e m a n a r r i v e d in A m e r i c a , g a y m e n a n d l e s b i a n s

And the French Call It SIDA:

r n o w n h f 3 Patn S ° f uhC N a t r A n ierican P opulation. T h e s e p eo p le w ere s u c f a s m , k e • cllyha hwann- ndclleeli, a n d n u m e r o u s o t h e r s . A ll l i v e d o p e n l y a n d h e l d r e v e r e d s t a t u s in t h e t r ib e s . M a n y o f t h e rih n

Su , m a n s a n d m e d i c i n e m e n , c r a f t s p e r s o n s , a n d c a r e g i v e r s U ‘",b l a n s ° f t e n P e r f o r m e d t h e r o l e s o f h u n t e r s , w a r r i o r s , a n d

f li I S CrS' r° r rel y -d e f , n e t h a r p e r s o n a a s h o m o s e x u a l d e n i e s t h e full e x i s t e n c e o f t h e i r b e i n g s . T h e s e i n d i v i d u a l s i n c l u d e d c r o s s g e n d e r , n » r t « f are.S S ,n 8 ’ ia n d ^ " s v c s t i s m r o l e s . T h e i r s e x u a l i t y w a s v i e w e d a s p a r t o f a l a r g e r d r e a m , a n d a b l e s s i n g o f t h e s p ir its .

C o n t a i n e d w i t h i n t h i s b o o k is a n o l d I n d i a n l o r e w h i c h r e v e a l s h o w tr a d itio n a 1 a n d n o n tn u litio n a ! sex roles w e re d e r iv e d . M o st g a y m e n o f thc M o o n a n d le s b ia n s f o llo w e d the S u n , c o n tr a ry to thc path ta k e n by straig h t m e n a n d w o m e n . * W h e n y o u are b o rn in to this w o rld , y o u r e a c h fo r e ith e r a b o w a n d q u i v e r , w h i c h is b l e s s e d a n d p r o t e c t e d b y t h e S u n o u r G ra n d fa th e r, o r y ou reach for an aw l a n d se w in g bag, w h i c h is b l e s s e d b y t h c M o o n , o u r G r a n d m o t h e r . F r o m th a t t i m e o n y o u w il l f o l l o w t h a t v i s i o n a n d b e b l e s s e d .

D u rin g the c o lo n iz a tio n a n d w e s te rn e x p a n s io n o f A m e r ic a , m is s io n a r ie s the

T 1 E l,ro p e l o c ,v l l l z c thc N a tiv e A m e r i c a n p o p u la tio n . M a n y d e s tr ° y e d o r d e c im a te d by g e n o c id e a n d d is e a s e s w r o u g h t by

u n o n a n ^ l'I h n S ni!' ^ w e r e now ,n £ eu tm e

‘“ T - w c r e t o r n a s u n d e r , s e x u a l i t y w a s f r o w n e d f ra dI, t ‘o n w a s d i m p l e d T h e w h i t e m a n ' s w a y s the In d ia n s w a y s . H o m o s e x u a l i t y w a s to be

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™ orkin??hr W C 7 7 V ir u s *v,< i i t s e l p » i s b o o k is s u b t i t l e d W h h ™ fh System, a n d I m s u r e R i m e r w o u l d b e a b s o l u t e l y f u r i o u s knLTL 7 7 ? m o t,o n a l rath ei‘ th a n g e ttin g into a c tio n . R i m e r k n o w s h o w t o w o r k t h e s y s t e m a n d h e k n o w s t h a t , in d e a l i n g w i t h t h e t n s i s , y o u d o n t h a v e tim e to w a s te o n te a rs a n d fe a r a n d regre ts.

T h i s b o o k is a c a t a l o g o f m e d i c a l a r r o g a n c e , i n c o m p e t e n c e a n d in se n sitiv ity . H e tells o f d o c to r s w h o o r d e r u n n e c e s s a r y tests a n d th e n g e t a S n , f a r i n g " aSkf S ,a b 0 U V , l , e r n a “ V' s T " p * K a i t a w r a n g e d Z , w h ^ R m ^ r g y P a i n f U ureC ta r x a m ( w e V e t a l k i n g a 5 - f o o t f l e x i b l e t u b e , w h i l e R i m e r w a s in t h e t h r o e s o f a s e v e r e h e r p e s f l a r e - u p ) t o t h a t u l t i m a t e B - m o v i e h o r ro r , th e s p in a l tap. M o s t m a d d e n i n g o f all m a n y o f th e s e p r o c e d u r e s - , n c l u d i n g th e s p in a l tap f o r n e u r o l o g i c a l s y p h i H s - S e completely i n c o n c l u s i v e w h e n p e r f o r m e d o n p e o p l e w i t h H I V - t i m e a f t e r te T ts t0h d t h a t •<St,arJd a r d c a lls fo r p e r f o r m i n g the resuk^ H wTh f r ’ P a ,n f u l ° r d a n g e r o u s - a n d th en i g n o r in g the r e s u l t s . (I w i s h I w e r e p u t t i n g y o u o n . I ’m n o t . ) b

O M o t h e r E a rth N e v e r w ill I p l o w t h e e a r t h .

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1 w o u l d be* p o i s o n i n g t h e v e i n s o f m y m o t h e r N e v e r w ill I c u t d o w n t h e t r e e s .

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I w o u l d b e c o n t a m i n a t i n g th e b r e a t h o f m y m o t h e r .

N e v e r w il l I s tr ip m i n e t h e la n d I w o u ld be te a rin g o f f her c lo th e s , le a v in g h e r n a k e d .

N e v e r w ill 1 kill t h e w i l d a n i m a l s f o r n o r e a s o n , w o u ld be m u r d e rin g h e r c h ild re n , m y o w n b r o th e rs and sisters.

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T h r o u g h t h e g l o w o f th e m o o n m y b r o t h e r . / - m n g the Spun ' s s t o r y is w o v e n l i k e a f i n e h a n d - l o o m e d N a v a j o r u g ^ x u d m g ,r, h u m c o l o r , a n d i n t r i c a t e d e t a i l , t f s chronicle o f to b e c h c n s h c d an d revered lo r m a n y g e n e r a tio n s to c o m e .

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“ P b L°°d Sam pIeS; ru d e a n d « b - - e re c e p tio n is t^ : t h e r a p , s t s w h o w a n : t o z a p e v e r y t h i n g th a t m o v e s ;

em w -on C a re P r ° V l d e r w h o s [ o i e t h o u s a n d s o f d o l l a r s f r o m h , s se m i-c o n s c io u s patient; so cial w o rk e rs w h o g iv e in co rrect in fo rm atio n S a r , m d e l i b e r a t e l -v e n d a n g e r l i v e s in o r d e r t o p r o m o t e Perh > [ * 7 ? g 0 0 n f o r P a 8 e s - b a t I ’m s u r e y o u g e t t h e i d e a .

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6 m v T h e S S Z T J ? sh ° u y ° U h° W to s u r v iv c - H e d o e s n 't ju s t rant a n d h o w \ o defal w r t h U,h 0 n S ' H K e , g ' VCS s t e P ' b - ' s l e P d e t a i l e d i n s t r u c t i o n s o n d ,w i t h t h e e s t a b l i s h m e n t , e v e r y t h i n g f r o m c h o o s i n g y o u r p r i m a r y c a r e d o c t o r to q u a l i f y i n g f o r S o c i a l S e c u r i t y d i s a b i l i t y . * d 0 C ' ° r ’ ? i m c r s u p p l , e s a f o u r - p a g e w o r k s h e e t lo ! ' ; ' a * u l d e - a e s u g g e s t s th a t y o u tr .re iv ie w a n e w d o c t o r lust as w o S ^ i „ acn| u d e ? C a ll y “ ' f y °c‘' W e r e " r " : * » em p lo y ee1 T he the a re a how ea i U e S ,,o n s h ° w l o n g t h e d o c t o r p l a n s l o w o r k in d e o e Z ™ .h f hCy a r e ' ° r e a c h b v p h o n e - a n d w h e t h e r y o u c a n d e p e n c i o n t h e m t o r e t u r n y o u r p h o n e c a l l s w i t h i n 2 4 h o u r s ' It a l s o D a r t f h o SmoUn h e h neS f o r ^ d e t e r m i n i n g p o s s i b l e p r e j u d i c e s o n t h e d o c - t o r ' s p a n ( h o m o p h o b t a . s e x i s m ) , a n d e v a lu a tin g the d o c t o r ' s a d m in is tr a tiv e T h e d o c t o r s a d m i n i s t r a t i v e s k i l l s a r e a m a t t e r o f l ife a n d d e a t h w h e n y o u n e e d to b e c o m e p art o f an e x p e r im e n ta l d r u g p r o g r a m , o r n e e d a letter w r i t t e n t o t h e S o c i a l S e c u r i t y o f f i c e , o r w h e n y o u r i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n y is r e fu s in g p a y m e n t, o r w h e n a n y o n e o f the c o u n t l e s s c o g s o f the m e d ic a l m a c h i n e r y are f a i l in g to p e r f o r m . M o s t d o c t o r s try to a v o id s u c h p a p e r w o r k . Y o u r d o c to r m u s t be w illin g to p r o c e s s th e n e c e s s a ry f o rm s a n d , i d e a l l y , w ill b e e n t h u s i a s t i c a n d i m a g i n a t i v e in s i d e s t e p p i n g o f f i c i a l p ro c e d u re to get y o u w h a te v e r y o u need.

A l a r g e p a r t o f R i m e r s s u c c e s s in s t a y i n g a l i v e is h i s w i l l i n g n e s s to c a u s e sc e n e s w h e n n e c e ssa ry . H e c an c u s s o u t d o c to rs , s c re a m at re c e p tio n ists , t h r e a t e n i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s . H e g i v e s a m a r v e l o u s li st o f p h r a s e s w h i c h d o c t o r s u s e t o i n t i m i d a t e p a t i e n t s , f o r e x a m p l e : “ D o n ’t y o u t r u s t m e ? ” ; T h i s is t h e o n l y o p t i o n ; “ T h a t - i n f o r m a t i o n is n o t a v a i l a b l e ” ; “ T h a t ' s n o t m y j o b ; a n d , m o s t s i n i s t e r o f a l l , “ T h a t ’s t h e p r o c e d u r e . ” N e e d l e s s to say, th ese d o no t sh u t R im e r up. H e g iv e s su g g e s te d re sp o n s e s, w h ich ra n g e f ro m the c o o p e r a tiv e to the sc a th in g ly sarcastic.

R i m e r h e l p s y o u a n a l y z e y o u r s i t u a t i o n , e s p e c i a l l y in r e g a r d t o d i s a b i l i t y in s u ra n c e a n d h ealth in s u ra n c e . H e tells y o u w h at y o u s h o u ld a n d sh o u ld n o t tell y o u r e m p l o y e r , a n d w h i c h te s ts y o u s h o u l d h a v e p e r f o r m e d a n o n y m o u s ly a n d p ay fo r y o u rse lf. If y o u d o n 't h a v e in s u r a n c e , he tells y o u h o w t o o b t a i n it. T h e i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s m a y c o n s i d e r R i m e r ' s e t h i c s to b e q u e s t i o n a b l e , b u t h i s o n l y g o a l i s t o k e e p y o u a l i v e . H e e x p la in s S o cial S e c u rity b en efits, an d p ro v id e s a w o r k s h e e t to h elp you d e te rm in e w h e th e r y o u d be better oft q u ittin g y o u r jo b .

o n e w o u ld h a v e e x p e c te d to be the p rin c ip a l c h a r a c te r o f the d r a m a , th e re w a s no sign. I a s k e d . . . w h e r e he w a s . “ O h , h e ’s n o t h e r e . H e w a s ‘c u t ’ l a s t n i g h t a n d h e ’s s ti l l in t h e h o sp ital.”

R i m e r ’s a p p r o a c h t o a s s e s s i n g n e w t r e a t m e n t s i s t o d e t e r m i n e p o s s i b l e b e n e f i t s a n d d r a w b a c k s . H i s list o f q u e s t i o n s to a s k y o u r d o c t o r i n c l u d e : H o w s e r i o u s a r e t h e s i d e e f f e c t s ? W h o d o e s it w o r k f o r ? M e n ? W ' o m e n ?

P e o p l e w i t h T - c e l l c o u n t s o f le s s t h a n 2 0 0 ? H o w w i l l it i n t e r a c t w ith o t h e r t r e a t m e n t s 1 m a y b e t a k i n g ? H o w w i l l I k n o w w h e n i t ’ s d o n e its j o b ?

W h a t o t h e r t r e a t m e n t s a r e a v a i l a b l e ? D e c i d i n g o n a p p r o p r i a t e t r e a t m e n t is d i f f i c u l t , o f t e n t e r r i f y i n g . R i m e r ’s a p p r o a c h is t o r e m a i n o b j e c t i v e a n d a n a l y t i c a l , a n d y e t h i s c o m p a s s i o n a n d lu s t f o r lif e s h i n e t h r o u g h in ev e ry ' w ord.

In O c t o b e r 1 9 5 4 P l u m b e s p e n t h i s a n n u a l v a c a t i o n in I n d o n e s i a , w h e r e h e t r a v e l l e d o v e r t h e e n t i r e c o u n t r y in t h e c o m p a n y o f a h a n d s o m e y o u n g I n d o n e s ia n . H e c r a m s the e s s e n c e o f this e x p e r ie n c e in to s e v e n p ag es.

H e r e is a s a m p l e f r o m h i s e x p e r i e n t i a l p o t p o u r r i : . . . B e f o r e e v e r y m e a l the f o o d w a s o f fe r e d c e r e m o n io u s ly to t h e g o d s b y t h e s a m e b a r e - b r e a s t e d g i r l s , w i t h t h e r e s u l t th a t it w a s i n v a r i a b l y c o l d w h e n it r e a c h e d t h e h u n g r y m o r t a l s .

HIV+: Working the System

is n o t a b o u t p a i n o r h o n o r o r f r u s t r a t i o n . I t ’s a b o u t s t a y i n g a l i v e . I t ’s a b o u t c o n f r o n t i n g a n H I V d i a g n o s i s a n d t u r n i n g it i n t o a s o u r c e o f s t r e n g t h . I s o m e t i m e s w o n d e r h o w p e o p l e w i t h A I D S ca n fa c e th e c h a l l e n g e o f e a c h n e w d a y ; w h a t k e e p s t h e m f i g h tin g an en d less o n sla u g h t o f in fectio n s a n d h o sp ita liz a tio n s. T h e n I re m e m b e r th a t all h u m a n e x i s t e n c e is a t e r m i n a l c o n d i t i o n . W h e n m y t u r n c o m e s , 1 h o p e I ’m j u s t a s o b n o x i o u s a n d l o u d a n d a n g r y a s R i m e r is. A n d h a l f a s brave.

Q u e s tio n s? C o m m e n ts ? O u tra g e ? W rite M elrose, B o x 5 3 4 , C h ic a g o , IL 6 0 6 5 7 .

to : R o n

A b ray tis, 537

. . . W e w e r e in v ite d to a d e a th fe a st a n d a te s w e e t e n e d rice fro m p a lm - le a f plates. . . . W e w en t to a sp e c ta c u la r cre m a tio n c e re m o n y . . . . O n e e v e n i n g a t U b u d w e s t o o d t r a n s f i x e d in t h e d a r k n e s s at th e b a c k o f a b a m b o o p a v ilio n a n d w a tc h e d fifty s w a y in g b o y s c h a n t a n d tr a n s m u te th e m s e lv e s w ith u p - flu n g h a n d s i n t o t h e f i n a l f e ra l s a l u t e o f t h e ketjak d a n c e .

W.

B e f o r e h e le f t A s i a , P l u m b e p a i d a n e x t e n d e d v i s i t t o T h a i l a n d , d u r i n g w h i c h h e m a d e a v e r y i n t e r e s t i n g t r ip to a r e m o t e a r e a o f th e i n t e r i o r o n a r i v e r c a l l e d ‘P i g ’s B l o o d . ’ In a s m a l l r i v e r t o w n h e o b s e r v e d t h e m e d i c a l w o rk o f a m issio n a ry c o u p le , an d v isited a B u d d h is t m o n a s te ry a lo n e ( w h e r e n o o n e s p o k e F . n g l i s h a n d h e k n e w n o T h a i ) , l i e t e l l s o f .i w i l d b u s r i d e d u r i n g h i s r e t u r n t r ip to B a n g k o k , w h e r e h e w a s t a k e n in to w by P r a s a d , a y o u t h w h o s e r v e d a s g u i d e f o r th e d u r a t i o n o f In s \ isit O n e o f h i s m o s t i n t e r e s t i n g n a r r a t i v e s o f th e t i m e in B a n g k o k c o n c e r n e d a v i s i t t o a n o p i u m d e n . H e f o u n d th a t th a t in B a n g k o k “ it is as easy, a n d as r e p u t a b l e t o e n t e r a n o p i u m d e n a s it is to b o o k in at a h o t e l .

T h e d e n to w h ic h w e h ad c o m e w a s sc re e n e d o n ly p e rfu n c to rily fro m the g a / e ol p a s s e r s - b y in t h e str e e t; it w a s a v e r y l a r g e a n d t h r i v i n g c o n c e r n , a n d b o r e n o n e o f t h e o b v i o u s m a r k s th a t m i g h t i d e n t i f y it a s a c e n t r e o f v i c e . ” T h e last se c tio n o f the b o o k f o c u s e s o n M a la y a , w h e r e P lu m b e se rv e d as l i b r a r i a n to t h e U n i v e r s i t y o f M a l a y a a f t e r it s e p a r a t e d f r o m t h e U n i v e r s i t y o f S in g a p o r e . P lu m b e g iv e s d e s c r ip tio n s o f fe stiv a ls , h o m e s , land s p o rts , the p e o p le , a n d th eir c u s to m s . H e ta k e s n in e p a g e s to d e s c rib e a M a la y w e d d i n g , b e g i n n i n g , “ A M a l a y m a r r i a g e is o n e o f t h o s e o c c a s i o n s w h e n e t i q u e t t e b e t w e e n f a m i l i e s is at its m o s t g r a c i o u s a n d m o s t c a u t i o u s . ”

Go East, Young Man

F . a r l i e r in t h e b o o k P l u m b e t o o k u p t w e n t y - s i x p a g e s t<> t e l l a b o u t S o u t h e a s t A s i a n a r t i s t s w h o w e r e a c t i v e in t h e 5()s a n d 6 0 s . t h e i r w o r k , liv e s, e x h ib itio n s , a n d e d u c a tio n . I n c lu d e d a re b la c k a n d w h ite r e p r o d u c t i o n s o f w o r k s in v a r i o u s m e d i a : b a t i k p a i n t i n g . C h i n e s e p a p e r cu t, stra w pictu re, o il, an d m u ral.

THE GOLDEN PAGODA TREE: Adventures in Southeast Asia. By Wilfred J. Plumbe. Grey Seal Books. London. 1990.

221 pages. ISBNttl -85640-003-4. 16.95 pounds, soft.

T h i s b o o k s h o u l d a p p e a l to r e a d e r s w i t h a n i n t e r e s t in t h e c u l t u r e s a n d c u s t o m s , p e o p l e s a n d h i s t o r y o f S o u t h e a s t A s i a ; t o t h o s e w ifh a n i n t e r e s t in a r t a n d a r t i s t s ; a n d t o a r m c h a i r t r a v e l l e r s in g e n e r a l . T h i s w o u l d a l s o b e h e l p f u l p r e p a r a t i o n f o r a n y o n e p l a n n i n g to v isit t h e a r e a f o r t h e fir s t t i m e

Reviewed by Glenn L. Sitzman

m

P l u m b e g i v e s t h e r e a d e r a v i v i d a c c o u n t o f w h a t it w a s l i k e t o l i v e a n d t r a v e l in S o u t h e a s t A s i a in t h e n i n e t e e n f i f t i e s a n d s i x t i e s . T h e b o o k fo cu ses o n S in g a p o re , M a la y a , T h a ila n d , a n d I n d o n e sia , p re se n tin g the a u t h o r ’s e x p e r i e n c e s a n d o b s e r v a t i o n s in t h e s e e x o t i c l a n d s t h a t h o l d s t r o n g a t t r a c t i o n f o r m a n y g a y m e n , a n d is w r i t t e n w i t h a s e n s i t i v i t y t h a t g a y m e n c a n a p p r e c i a t e . Its o r g a n i z a t i o n , f o u r c h a p t e r s d i v i d e d i n t o s h o r t s e c t i o n s , l e n d s i t s e l f t o p i l l o w - b o o k r e a d i n g . T h i s m a k e s it e a s y t o s k i p th e f e w s e c t i o n s r e l a t e d t o t h e a u t h o r ' s p r o f e s s i o n a l c o n c e r n s , a l t h o u g h th is r e v i e w e r f o u n d P l u m b e ’s a c c o u n t o f u n i v e r s i t y lif e a n d t h e p r o b l e m s o f o p e r a t i n g a l i b r a r y in a t e r r o r i s t s i t u a t i o n t o b e q u i t e f a s c i n a t i n g .

S o m e s p e c i f i c p a s s a g e s m a y g i v e a n i d e a o f t h e d e l i g h t s in s t o r e in t h i s b o o k . O f i n t e r e s t t o a n y o n e w h o e n d u r e d h a z i n g in c o l l e g e w o u l d b e t h e d e t a i l e d d e s c r i p t i o n o f a f f l i c t i o n s s u f f e r e d b y f r e s h m e n at t h e U n i v e r s i t y o f M a la y a . A f te r in c e s sa n t v e r b a l a b u s e , p h y sic a l in d ig n itie s, etc., “ .. . F i n a l l y , h e w a s a s k e d i f h e h a d a n y r e l i g i o u s o b j e c t i o n t o s t r i p p i n g . ..

If h e h a d n o o b j e c t i o n h e h a d to s t r i p a n d lin e u p o n e x h i b i t i o n w i t h o t h e r f r e s h m e n , l o o k at i n d e c e n t p h o t o g r a p h s a n d r e a d a h i g h l y e r o t i c a n d o b sc en e story — w h ile an y a n a to m ic a l c h a n g e s w ere n o te d .”

B e c a u s e P lu m b e h a s th e k in d o f c h a r a c t e r that e n a b l e s h im to b e c o m e f r i e n d s w i t h a ll k i n d s o f p e o p l e f r o m a l l w a l k s o f l i f e , h e r e c e i v e d in v ita tio n s to m a n y e v e n ts , c e r e m o n i e s , a n d g a t h e r i n g s that f o r e i g n e r s n o rm a lly w o u ld n o t b e w itn e s s to. T o o n e s u c h c e r e m o n y , a c i r c u m c i s i o n , P l u m b e r e c e i v e d a f o r m a l i n v i t a t i o n . H e r e is a p a r t o f h i s a c c o u n t: T h e w h o le c o m p o u n d o f the h o u se s w a r m e d w ith M a la y s a n d J a v a n e s e in b r i l l i a n t d r e s s : a n d w o m e n a n d b o y s w h o carrie d the fo o d f o r t h e c a r d p r i m e d in g o l d w a s , in t r u t h , an in v ita tio n to a f e a s t... O f y o u n g A h m a d h im s e lf , w h o m

65

66

W

E M

'E M

B 'E t f J i X g

JW & >

L O V Z 'D

C O ^L S

Kevin Lally “M u ffin ” Sepl. 22. 1952 - Aii}>. 31,1993 In 1 9 7 5 K e v i n c a m e t o O a k l a n d f r o m P a d u c a h , K e n t u c k y in h o t pursuit o f tap d an cin g , a spiritual a w a k e n in g , b o y s, a n d ( o f co u rse) as m uch g o s s ip a s he c o u ld get his lips o n. B lessed b y th e g o d s , h e w a s a b l e t o f i n d g r e a t j o y in t h e C a l i f o r n i a w i l d e r n e s s , t o d a n c e a n d p l a y w ith t h e R a d i c a l f a e r i e s , a n d t o e n c o u n t e r l o v e a n d u n d e r s t a n d i n g b e y o n d his w ild e s t d re a m s .

A storyteller at heart. K evin w a s o ften in sp ired by the m u se a n d w rote m a n y fab -u -lo u s p o e m s . K ev in th riv e d o n p e rfo rm a n c e , sp e n d in g s e v e n y e a r s w i t h t h e N e w D a n c e W o r k s h o p in B e r k e l e y a n d s e v e r a l y e a r s w i t h P o s i t i v e M o t i o n , A n n a H a l p r i n ’s m o v e m e n t w o r k s h o p f o r m e n c h a l l e n g i n g H I V . In all h i s a c t i v i t i e s h e f o s t e r e d c o m m u n i t y w i t h his se n se o f h u m o r , d e e p c o m m i t m e n t to the truth, a n d lo v in g k in d n e ss.

K evin m e t the c h a lle n g e s o f A ID S w ith the h elp o f those w h o su rv iv e h im , in c lu d in g Je ss e V a ra s, his birth fa m ily , a n d m a n y d e v o te d fri e n d s . A s i d e f r o m h i s a p p r e c i a t i o n o f b i g h a i r a n d c h e a p d r a g , K e v i n m ost w a n te d to b e r e m e m b e r e d fo r “ b e in g clean a n d h a v in g g o o d cred it.”

" AA,j c c '

Giovanni Mucci died 1993 A n o th e r g e n tle friend o f o u r faerie f a m ily d ie d this su m m e r .

R F D 'e rs

w ill r e c o g n i z e G i o v a n n i M u c c i ' s n a m e a s o n e o f t h e j o u r n a l ' s f r e q u e n t a r t is tic c o n t r i b u t o r s . H i s u n i q u e a n d i n s p i r e d p e n s k e t c h e s h a v e g r a c e d m an y a story these past fe w years.

A c o m p a s s i o n a t e s o c i a l w o r k e r in C i n c i n n a t i , h e a l s o c a r e d f o r s i c k f r i e n d s b e f o r e h is o w n i l l n e s s i n c a p a c i t a t e d h i m . H e l o v e d h i s c a t , d e r i v e d ' m u c h s a t i s f a c t i o n f r o m h i s s h a m a n i c a n d s p ir itu a l q u e s t s a n d a r t i s t i c e x p l o r a t i o n s . O f t h e l a tte r , h i s p e r f o r m a n c e a r t v i d e o , " J o h n n y ' s C h r i s t m a s in W o n d e r l a n d o r A Y u l e t i d e M a d S c e n e " s t a n d s o u t . A n d a b o u t h i s a r t h e o n c e wrr o t e . "I l i k e t o s h o w t h e ' g o o f s ' a n d ' R E A L n e s s ’ o f m y a r t s o t h a t p e o p l e m i g h t feel l e s s a f r a i d a n d r e s t r a i n e d a n d b e w illin g to try s o m e th in g o n th e ir o w n - i f fo r n o o th e r r e a so n th an to m ake their o w n art a n d /o r to please th em se lv e s."

W e at t h e S a n c t u a r y a r e h o n o r e d t o b e a m o n g h i s f r i e n d s a n d a r e g r a t e f u l f o r h i s g e n e r o u s r e m e m b r a n c e s o f us.

67

The following is a transcript from a 78rpm out of my personal archives.

I am guessing that it was recorded in the late 1930s.

It is part of a set of six monologues by Dwight Fisk.

The label is his own, FISKANA. By the tone of voice and style of delivery, one can easily gather that this one is a friend of Dorthy’s..... ............. ........................................... .

it> x , c n e w

\ y w

A

p

. t )

S r u r fie on

Ida

w as

ju st

stu rg eo n .

She

be

to

m ore

sw im m in g

a

little

w ayw ard

th o u g h t th is

there

sex

around

group

m ust

life

the

th an

each

It

o th e rs

eggs. " I 'm

g o in g

m y se lf!"

So

she

little

to

she w ent

badge

w h ich

fin d

u p sta irs

on

her

Then

she

right

slip p ed

G u lf

up

w ith

the

what

a

out

crow d.

of

ran

Bass. tw ice

and

D eep-sea w o u ld to

D eep-sea ev ery th in g

it.

But

she

fish

bein g

th o u g h t

ag ain .

fo o lish

un til w h ere

a

trie d

hated

try

Beach

B e rth a,

Bass

d rifted

nonsense

B erth a

be

a she

w h ich

can

and

s w im m in g Ida

P alm

in to

And

B arracu d as

fish ,

th is to

and

sharks,

now

all

cam e

show s

from

she

w as

she

said ,

and

fig u re

th in g s you

and

go

w here Ida

a

hadn t little

bit

of

"Ida!,

A

g irl

lik e GO

down fish

said,

tw e lv e )

seen

are

yours

an

the

sin ce

egg.

w ith ought

p laces. to

Ida

W hy G u lf

a

and

as

F lo rid a

and

o n ly

had

Even

w hen

(she

get for

o ld

sexy,

she

did

co u ld

do

up

or

th e

she

bo o th

cam e

fro n t.

On

th e

gone

to

an

sad

and

verv

far.

m o th e r-o f-p e a rl

door

it

said:

o n ly

JL

an

sw am old

rig h t

o y ster

bed

and

tellin g

68

a

on

w h o le

of

In

for her

up

to

on

S h e 's o n ly

she

Ida

w as

Now th e

I t ’s

p o in ts

su d d e n ly

all

lik e

on

she

k iller

of

m an It

C a v ia r!!!!

Ida!!

/jm

of

to

th e

I

w an t

fish

called

lay

an

egg

know'

it!"

b eg in n in g

of

th e

to

b arn acles

found

h e rse lf

em brace.

T rista n

h is

in v en tio n th en ,

know'

Fanny

his m ost

Fanny.

little

ju st

d i d n ’t

little

a d ag io ,

w as

d o e s n 't

she

legs.

a

a

T rista n . a

old

o c to p u s,

in v en tio n

sid e s,

heard

GOD

w as

w as

m a d .........a n d

She

FUN!

b asem en t

th e

go in g

terrify in g an

"M y

over.

toe

of

FUN!

th e

here,

Ida.

a

som e

m id st

one

w ork

h e re ”

co u p le

all

an

to d ay ,

t'eel

a

six teen

rang.

“H urry

y o u rse lf

in

each

the

co m p lic a te d telep h o n e

fain ted . th ere

liv e d

in

tu rn ed

h is

end

pum p,

g o in g

in ,

h a d n ’t

“p a rk

have

rad io

su c tio n

you

put

Fanny

own.

un til Ida

Fanny

th ro w that

W iz e n ste in .

th e

w as

alz

w as

ex ercisin g On

You

w e 'll

th e

/hen

rovX Q

. t o z .s

w ith

in

X T P Z T IZ lX Q

d o n ’t stream ,

a

But

c h a n g in g

d o w n s ta irs

T rista n

in fo rm a tio n

a

lo v lt o k s a ll

DO

That

beyond

very

aw ay.

h a d n ’t

w ith

down,

slig h test.

w as

feelin g

sw am

she

sittin g

in

of

g e n e ra tio n s

on I ’ll

and

N ow

su it.

And

care

calls

b u b b les,

She

So

she

Now

her

Ida, down

b arn acles,

she

lo o k ed .

everybody

b u b b les.

sp o rts

d id

w ith o u t

Ida

face

all.

She

n o th in g

rig h t

DA

but

fool.

w as

m erm aid .

th e

w as

th re e

GAY,

B ored.

had

th ro u g h

in

b u b b les.

lo vt

was

th at

th in g s do

w ith .

a ffa ir

an

sta n d in g

B ut,

aw ay an

she

did n t

fish !"

"O K ."

but

vNow

her

B reak ers

o n ly

be

Fanny

ch ild ,

no

to

liv in g

x p re ssio n .

p a la c e ,

d o in g

co u ld

on

one

lo o o v ely

the

w ere

fish

d y in g

th em

as

F ish

w as

coral

really she

m any

hit

face

to

w as

how

o ld e st

see

stream .

sooo She

big

big

o le down

G u lf

seen

great

o n ly

she

th e

had

a

'H o t e l .

no

of

an

rig h t

exposures.

[alm o st

w hen

she

b o tto m

on

th at

in to

n o se -d iv e

never

tim e

tim e.

Now

the

fhead

back

crow d.

th e

w eak

th e stream

A ll

b ack w ard s. through

to

d arin g

sifmz

il l

, a co u p le

little

fa sh io n e d

a

sh o u ld e r

down

th e

w ere

how

put

w ent

fish

co u ld

was she

.

in to

d rifted

she

and

read:

sta irs

she

for So

iW

a

out

said .

of

w o rld s

a

she th in g

say:

Y o u 'v e

SHARED'

rONTR^T L E T T E R S RFD prints contact letters free of charge. LUe also prouide a free forwarding seruice for readers who prefer not to publish their address. Donations, howeuer, are greatly appreciated. LUe ask that your letters be brief(under 200 words) and positiue in stating your preferences. Saying "no" to a particular trait or characteristic may unnecessarily offend a brother. UJe reserue the right to correct spelling and edit as we see fit.

Feel free to send a photo(black and white prints better) with your letter, and we will try to include it.

RFD assumes no responsibility for claims made in letters, and we urge all respondents to exercise caution, especially with any financial dealings.

O ne real find gentlem an: 47 years old, recently out, seeking the com panionship of gay/biscxual m en who share at least some of the following qualities, interests, and experience: Single (divorced) father with w onderful 12 year old daughter. V ocational school adm inistratorw ith broad educational background (anthropology, adult and non-form al education, public health).

Travel and work experience in E uro p e and Latin A m erica. Speaks Spanish, Italian, and Polish. Politically progressive, spiritually o ri­ ented, and creative in both work and artistic expression. Physically active, health conscious (vegetarian, naturnl/orgnnic foods), attractive (even handsom e!), vibrant, and youthful. I practice yoga, bodywork, and relative holistichealing arts.

I run, hike, cycle, and enjoy spending tim e in pristine natural settings both alone and in the com pany of good friends. In relationships, I am com passionate (and passion­ ate!),playful, supportive, trustworthy, and loyal.

I enjoy theater, dance, and o th er fine arts. I am very (passionately?) involved in contact im provisational dance and p artn er style dance.

I also enjoy singing, acting, writing, piano, and creating with various artistic m aterials. A nd of course, cuddling and o th e r expressions o f physical/cm otional intim acy with that special guy!

C om patible men, especially in western M assa­ chusetts, arc encouraged to write.

D E A T H IN V E N IC E If you enjoyed this aw ard-w inning film starring Bjorn A ndrescn as T adzio, w rite to me about your fantasies. I ley, Bjorn, have you m ade any m ore m ovies? W rite D on c/o R FD /76

A rtist, teacher, v o lunteer w orker, budding poet.

Have sturdy 5’ 11” IH V -f body/handsom e face/ big brown eyes/som ewhat thinning dark hair/ slightly goofy smile. A t ease in the country and city, I love to hike, cook, read, garden, drive, and w ander around strange places. Am very health-conscious and active in keeping my body in shape and my spirit healthy. W ould like to m eet som eone nearby or accessible to/from New York City who shares my love of the outdoors, enjoys good food, takes care of his body, and can relate to this thoughtful, eclectic, em p ath etiem an . You possess high self-esteem , can com m unicate your ideas and feelings and enjoy being alive. I’d also like to correspond with interesting m en from just about every­ place.

S te fa n Bialosiewicz

g r a p ic s B y J 7 \ y

P.O. Box 51 H a tf ie ld , M A 01038

P eter c/o RFD /76

69

Greetings, From the beautiful m ountains o f NY. Recently retired to a rural country town; the spirits of ancestors call me back to roam their stom ping grounds. Drawn to the beauty of these m oun­ tains and changing seasons. A retired educator and m usician now active as a church m usician, antiques, and seat weaving. C onsidered serious yet hum or is not lacking, som etim es a loner, quiet an d shy; cautious and selective in acq u ain tan cesan d relationships. I.ike my privacy.

Am a Scorpio, psychic, h ealer and m edium . I enjoy history, old buildings, genealogy, reading, serious music, th eatre, antiques, cooking, etc.

Presently caring for an elderly parent. I am A nglo-B avarian-French,5 ’ 11", approx. 170 lbs., hairy, greying, considered good looking. Enjoy com pany of younger people, teens-40s, however ap p reciate older m en with interesting stories an d conversation. Looking for som eone with sim ilar interests, background, dow n-to-earth person, friendship, com panionship, caring and integrity. Prefer no drugs, non sm oker-drinker D ad-son a possibility. A platonic relationship-' friendship ok.

Som etim e down the road, som eone to share final golden years. Pen friends welcome. W rite, begin the lines of com m unication R eturn address requested.

Phone, photo, ok, not required.

I m 43, 6 2 , 192 lbs., It. brown hair, tend to ­ w ard the fair. B een said that I’m attractive but said also that I d o n ’t look gay. I’d be in terest­ ed in som eone who has sim ilar experience. I find sexuality can be very complex. My back­ ground is as a professional horticulturist, also worked in the F orest Service. Am very physi­ cally active, have a lot of energy, not interested in the indoors, but enjoy reading, usually scien­ tific m aterial. H ave been around US, but also in E urope and the tropics in this hem isphere.

I d think it s best for one to be m onogam ous.

But most people, especially in this area (north F lorida), are very closeted and often m arried; I, for one, d o n ’t like doing som ething just because everyone else does.

G rant from T allahassee c/o RFD/76

P U R L R A D IC A L FA IR Y H EA T, S E E K IN G C U M B U ST IO N Ex-m ilitary U S N R , spiritual q u eer hom obody poet likes to have sex, garden, cook, and collect books. O nce in a while go dancing. Age 33.

Teddy T aurean w crecat (big horny bearm an pussy) weight 240. A t-shirt and jean s man who w ears glasses, w ears ball-cap, short dark hair, friendly brown eyes. C urren t w ork— deliver pizza.

C urrent au to — white D odge Ram 50 pick-up truck. G oals—-join gym this week I swear, accum ulate enough to own a hom e, start floral business. Do not sm oke Occasionally drink a beer or have a glass o f wine. L ooking for a w ith-it m an any age to stuff and restuff my orifices and vice versa.

Like F/A, F/P, G/A, G/P, in terested in explor­ ing leather, m assage, foot worship, spanking m aster-slave, and B/D. N ot in terested in giving cash to bro th ers behind bars. Been through that mill before. Save your stam ps. Exotic letter with p h oto gets im m ediate reply. T hink deep passionate kisses, stroke your cock and w rite: lo F u , 'The Prints of G A IA P.O. Box 761 R utherfordton, N C 28139

R F. Miller P.O. Box 93 A ndes, NY 13731 I’m a N Y C boy with a strong desire to m ove to the Catskills (perhaps U lster or D elaw are C ountics). I d love to h e a r from anybody w ho’s m ade this m ajor lifestyle change. How did you do it? How do you m ake a living? A dvice?

Suggestions? Thanks!

D ear R FD R eaders, GW M in southw est Virginia seeking a sincere friendship and possibly more. I am discreet, honest and caring person. D o n’t have anyone, so any response would be deeply appreciated.

C om e on and let me hear. Will answer.

David Steven R appoport Park W est F inance S tation P.O. Box 20783 New York, NY 10025-1516

F. o f Southwest VA c. o RFD /76

Howdy Y ’all, I am a G W M an d like so many o th er gay I am lonely. And desire to correspond o th e r men regardless o f their race or loca or desire. I welcom e all to w rite and beg friendship that may develop into sometl else. I love garden and country life. I hop hear soon. I love good sex too. W rite sot John P.O. Box 180 Peterstow n, W V 24960

GW M seeks young d eaf GW OM for co rre­ spondence an d o r apprenticeship to learn all or part o f private resort business. C onfidential.

Will, Sunset M otel 2301 New Tampa Highway l akeland, F I 33801

Exotic-looking GM of black-Irish/C herokce descent, with black hair/dark eyes, 150 lb., seeking an attractive m ature G W M betw een the ages of 25-45. M ust be m asculine, clean and in great shape. 1 love the outdoors, re a d ­ ing, movies, and sharing quiet evenings with som eone special. I am som ewhat a hippy type.

Like all types of music. Sexually, I like to be very creative. Looking for a relationship with a guy w ho’s honest, very loving, and trustw or­ thy. Along with also being som ew hat a hippy, but also can dress up when the occasion fits. If interested, please w rite w /photo or if no photo is available, th at's fine. I guarantee I'll answ er all. You won't be disappointed.

K enneth Johnson 318 Rippy Ridge Road Norm andy, TN 37360

Well shut my m outh! It’s an o th er G W M from Down South; a direct-from -D ixie rednecked Rebel. M ature Leo mostly just a good ol boy, down to earth and easy going. N on-sm oker. ( ountrv to the core and proud o f it! Value simplicity and sincerity in self and others, wisdom and hum our. C ountry music reigns in my kingdom , along with A tlanta Braves and N A SC A R -R usty W allace. N aturalist,ou td o o rsm an— hunting, fishing, wildflowers. D eclaring open season on bros. in the southeast for new friendships and let’s hom e m ore. Sm ooth and uncut a plus, sincerity and truth a m ust. Any good buddies o u t yonder hankering for a beaudacious tim e out in the country, get in touch, send foto. R em em ber: be kind to the earth as she s the only m other we have, take tim e to smell the roses, and do your rockin' on the porch!! K eep on truckin’ and share a smile!

Reb c/o RFD/76

70

I am a 45 year old m an, ch ef/rcstau rateu r with varied experience and p ractical knowledge. I am looking for a life situation in which I will relate to and cook for a com m unity o f m en. I would app reciate any inform ation or sugges­ tions anyone is kind enough to send.

Jam es c/o R FD /76

C en tral KY G W M , 37, dark hair, eyes, m ous­ tache. Slender, handsom e, honest, shy. I enjoy natu re, music, close friends, and a quiet life­ style. M onogam y suits me. Seeking a strong aggressive m an, 3 0 + , who knows what devotion means.

Brothers, I would like to correspond with older guys both on the land and those thinking about moving to a farm setting. If you have had experiences in group living (co-op, com m une, collective, etc.), please share this with us. W e are checking out a few possibilities (locations) and will be ready to m ake the move to a farm by O ctober 1994.

W e will be traveling the next few m onths (D ec.— A pril 1, 1994) but will have mail for­ w arded weekly. Please send full nam e, phone num ber, address (and foto if desired), future hopes, plans, birth day/date, and a long letter th at we may get to know each o th er better.

O ur letter will follow. A stranger is only a friend we haven’t m et yet. Peace and friend­ ship.

1 am 47, bearded, sem i-urban herm it. 1 enjoy evenings with friends, simple lifestyle, reading, good conversation, music, anim als. 1 grew up in a village in south-central Illinois and lived in M issouri. W orked on farm s as a teenager.

W ould prefer to again live in a small town or rural setting. Interested in m eeting som eone to m ake it w orth my while to leave my cave.

Looking for a relationship with potential for long lasting monogamy. D on’t sm oke and rarely drink alcohol. W illing to relocate if em ploym ent possibilities exist. W ould also like to correspond and/or m eet new broth ers for exchange of ideas.

Kirby P.O. Box 5323 Springfield, IL 62705-5.323

Del Rice & I larvcv M. 3526 W. Sylvan I.n.

Peoria, II. 61615

Ed c/o R FD /76

H elp. 1 am a country hoy trap p ed in an urban setting. Being a native o f rural southwest O klahom a, Dallas is just a little too fast paced for me. I guess th ere should be a certain am ount o f em barrassm ent having to place an ad for a m ate, but after 6 + years in this hell hole, 1 am yet to m eet the caliber of person with whom I w ant to share my life. So, here goes. I am a 32 year old G W M , with a lot of life experience. I am o f average height, with a bit o f a b eer gut. 1 have brown hair and green eyes. I will never grace the cover of G O , but I’m also not a can d id ate for the cover of Field and Stream . I seek som eone with the patience to love past the hurt of previous relationships an d show me that love can and does exist. T his person should also be to leran t o f a bad back and high blood pressure. In return you will receive som eone who can m ake a hom e, cook your m eals and love you beyond your wildest dream s. My fantasy is to m eet a true husband.

I am not o ffended by body hair, facial hair, cowboy hats, pickup trucks, nor a m an with a little m eat on his bones. Looks are not nearly as im p o rtan t as your ability to love, care, cuddle, rem ain m onogam ous, and grow to g eth ­ er. I am sexually versatile (and not afraid to experim ent) and desire that you be also. I hatelabels such as "top" and "bottom .” In short, I need to be loved; want to be accepted just as I am; and desire your response to this letter. If Reba, cold beer, hom e cooking, cuddling on Sunday m ornings, and a full life o f love by som eone who could put you on a pedestal, then w rite me and let’s see w hat happens.

Hi Guys,

G W M 34, 6’4", 235 lbs., dark brown hair, eyes, beard and m oustache. Physically fit teddy bear seeks a no-nonsense p ap a bear 45 + . My interests and persona range from m oderate gambling, cards, and billiards to swimming, spirituality and music. S trike a chord? W rite: Bud Johnson 608 W. E leven Mile, A pt. 313 Royal O ak, MI 48067

A nyone want to live in the woods and share life with a grey-bearded, leather daddy topm an in a m utually supportive loving relationship? A simple rural life on private, secluded land with unpolluted air and chem ical free water. A life attu n ed to nature and considerate of the envi­ ronm ent and natural resources but not devoid o f all m odern conveniences. I’m intelligent, educated, city-bred, hard-working, fun-loving, stable, m ature, dom inate, white, auburn/hazcl, 46, 5*10", 165#, 111V negative with many eclec­ tic interests but especially bikes and the adven­ ture o f life. You are definite bottom and sexually submissive, intellectually my equal, drug-free, don't sm oke o r abuse alcohol and should enjoy (or to lerate) dom estic chores like cooking and cleaning. I norm ally am attracted to a younger, slender, sm aller m an but p erso n ­ ality and attitu d e arc more im portant than physical characteristics. We are both loving, affectionate, caring, sensual, sexual, honest, sane, dependable, and like anim als, good food, com fortable hom e life, secluded country living, conversation, travel, occasional excursions into the city and loving one special person. In ter­ ested? T hen write. How else are we going to m eet? Photo appreciated. I would also like to hear from guys, singles or couples, who would be interested in living a self-sufficient, altern a­ tive rural life in a m utually beneficial econom ic and intellectual partnership. I’ve got land to share and am open to all suggestions.

Pinehaven W oods P.O. Box 5930 M etairie, LA 70009-5930

Perry 4300 H olland, #105 Dallas. TX 75219 (214) 443-0744

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Hello Out There!

I know th at my com panion and I are not the only qu eers in our neck of the woods. W e have m et a num ber o f lesbians and been b e­ friended by them , but I am looking for male com panionship. I ant only about an hour o u t­ side of Austin. I have a five-acre, fully-wooded p ro p erty at the d e a d e n d o f an unpaved county road. It is very peaceful and quiet, ideal for getting away from it all. I know there have to be o th e r gay men living in the country, p ro b a­ bly not too far from me. I have been here alm ost a year now and am eager to m eet others who are attem p tin g to live a rural lifestyle in the central le x a s a re a . I have much to learn about gardening in the fine, powdery soil the locals call "sugar sand," and I think I may be able to teach you a thing or two about the joys o f m an-to-m an physical love. Please contact me soon. The coining cool w eather is ideal for a great bonfire and a ritual to celebrate life in such close proximity to the elem ental form s of nature.

I am a GW M , lonely but not alone searching for a p artn er to add to my life. M ust enjoy the o u tdoors (backpacking, w hite w ater rafting, cross-country skiing, m ountain biking, working in the garden, or a walk in the w oods o r a trip around the world). Indoor activities— reading, cooking, intelligent conversations and listening to music. O u td o o r or indoor sex would be great. If you are an honest, real person (who is not totally in love with yourself), self-sup­ porting, love of life and sense of hum or, I would like to hear from you for a possible friendship/relationship.

Lonely in Idaho P.O. Box 591 Troy, ID 83871-0591

Rafael Jim enez 42 K.C. Road B astrop, I X 78602

l o My B rothers, G reetings from C anyonlands in S outh-E astern Utah!

This 32 year old H ippie-F ag seeks a lifelong friend and lover.

I am a deeply Q u eer, ovolacto vegetarian, pagan, Q uaker, po st-m o d ­ ern F em inist, pacifist, and environm entalist poet, historian, and w riter. I love the o u td o o r thang (hiking, m ountain biking, cam ping, skinny dipping, rock climbing, and downhill skiing). I also read voraciously (Q u eer studies, religion, good fiction, Fem inism , philosophy). I am a 6’4", 185 lb. H IV neg. Virgo with long, wavy, straw berry-blond hair, blue eyes and freckles.

I am rom antic, handsom e, spiritual, intuitive, and intelligent. I am very op in io n ated , over analytical, som etim es m anipulative (but I'm working on that), a little self-absorbed, and I can be very intolerant of intolerance. I seek an o th er integrated, happy, and healthy Hom o so that we can becom e two whole individuals who equally love, respect, and share with each o th e r on out com m on journey. I also desire an open -h earted , m ature, playful, em otionally in­ touch and expressive peer (25-38 years old) who is com patible with me in all im portant respects. Y our self-love, beauty, and tranquility are deep within your soul and rad iate outw ard, w here they are m anifested in your eyes, your constant smile, and your gentle footsteps upon M other E arth. If this sounds like you, please write! Y ours in Judy G arland, Rocky O ’Donovan Box 1431 M oab, U T 84532

( ireelings to all R F D friends I am seeking loving friends and o n e passionate soulm ate to share love, faith and life here in the front range o f B oulder, C olorado. I'm especially attracted to a m ature stocky hair facial haired GW M 33-50. I am also a spiritual m inded individual who enjoys nature in the urban and rural settings and attending a pro gay church. Som eone who needs not cigarettes, drugs or alcohol (occasional drink is ok). l ike me he is very affectionate, sensual, honest, rom antic, adventuresom e and a joy to be with.

I enjoy cuddling, massaging, kissing, and bond­ ing with a gentle bear o f a m an who is an understanding daddy. Som e o f my interests are atten d in g cultural events, PBS, flea m arkets, reading, bicycling, gardening, astrology, hcrbalogy, and kind good friends. Basically a hom e body but enjoy going out as well. My m otto is by Moses M endelssohn. "To seek truth, love the beautiful, desire good, do the best, is what 1 strive to live up to. I am a friendly som ew hat shy BGM 33 5’7" 187 lbs IIIV + C an cerian b o rn 6/24/60 the C hinese year of the rat. O f interest are Taurus, Scorpio and Pisces natives born in ox and monkey years.

Also gay friends, pen friends, and faeries in my area are welcom ed to write.

P hoto/letter detailed to Raym ond Isaac Fowlkes, P.O. Box 3323, B oulder, C olorado 80307. W hat is im ­ portan t is m utual interests, goals with devotion and loving kindness tow ards one another.

1hank you very m uch. G o d bless you. Who will be my ten d er kinder teddy daddy bear?

D earest B rothers, Nam aste! H ello from my sunny hom e in the desert filled with love and healing energy. I am originally from the farm land of M innesota. In my m id-forties, looking and feeling much younger, I wish to welcom e you all to stop in for a m assage, join one of my m en’s groups, or stay at my Bed & Breakfast. I am strong, healthy, sensual, erotic, gentle, challenging and spiritual. Also, 1 am looking for a part-tim e business partner. No inm ate or prison respons­ es please. Ibis is a great place to relocate. I wish you all joy, a challenge, and love on your journey! Y our bro th er in the beautiful desert, M arc H aberm an P.O. Box 40504 Tucson, A Z 85717 (602) 881-4582

72

Is th e re som eone out there who suffers from the W A N D E R L U S T ? A free spirit that has a bit o f the Gypsy blood. O ne who gets sm itten once o r twice a year to move on, to explore the road less traveled. I am tiring of doing this alone, it would be great fun to have a com panion/m ate to explore and share with. I am an easy going G W M in my mid 50’s; I have never killed the child within. You only go aro u n d once; it you d o n ’t smell the roses now— you may never. I d o n ’t m ean to sound totally irresponsible. I do work; long enough and hard enough to take care of my needs and put som e away for the future. Long ago I w orked my way past m aterialism and econom ic slavery.

How does w inter in Phoenix, San D iego, or m aybe M exico sound? Next sum m er we could be in S eattle, A nchorage, or Boise. H ave you ever experienced two springs and two falls in the sam e year? Now is the tim e to think about how and why you should disconnect from the rat race. Explore and enjoy the rest o f your life. If you are ready; or w ant to discuss the possi bilities, wri t e : N ed P ainter 101 N. 7th St., Apt. 101 Phoenix, A Z 85034

I am a 34 year old white Jewish male who has been following a Native A m erican path for the past 15 years. 1 have hazel eyes, dark brown hair, and a slender, E gyptian figure, standing at 5’10". 1 am also a spiritualist priest in my ad o p ted family and mercifully, do not belong to any organized religions. I am a fine artist (p ain ter) and beadw orker who, by day, feels com fortable in an office environm ent. In the way 1 live, a gay person has a very high and resp ected place in the physical and spiritual realm s. Although 1 sound very serious, I have a good sense o f hum or and know that laughter is th e best way to all things o f spirit. 1 love all kinds o f music, hiking in the woods, traveling and m eeting new people. I am genuine, tru th ­ ful and 1 d o n ’t drink o r use drugs. I’m a form er New Y orker who couldn’t w aste his energy on p u tting up shields all the tim e. If you love the land and like laughter and find adventure in everything— send a picture and letter. Love and blessings, Larry Two Turtles 3551 Jason # 2 P ocatello, ID 83204

G W M , 30. D om inate Aggressive L catherm an, sexual interests from cuddling to extrem e kink.

I am a creation spiritualist, and live out of sham anic path, my spirituality is sacred to me and I could m ore easily give my life then to give up my spirituality. L ooking for boy/slave/ p a rtn e r open to physical, em otional, spiritual and sexual growth. I do not require you to be on the sham anic path, I only req u ire that you realize my path is sacred to me and respect it as such. Am willing to teach my spirituality and sexuality, as well as learn from any. I d o n ’t require any experience in any of these just and interest in it. My life is stable and the only thing m issing now is a partner. W ould prefer a perm anent relationship but will correspond with all persons on any subject w hether in ter­ ested in relationship or not. I have no age or race hang ups.

A.J. Severns 1202 E. Pike St. #956 Seattle, W A 98122-3934

Jam es Sims P.O . Box 653 Phoenix, A'/, 85001

Redw ood c/o RI D/76

4 1 , l o n g h a i r e d , tig h t a n d t in y l e a n a n d m ean , g ard en er/d an cer/p h o to g rap h er/S u fi, o h . a n d w riter. P J.W A (15 o r so y e a rs now ).

A m i n t e r e s t e d in le tt e r s , p h o t o s , v i d e o s a n d s o o n . . . I 'm d o w n h e r e in E. C e n t r a l F l o r i d a , r u r a l , n e a r t h e b e a c h . It's a g o t x l s c e n e . I'm f r o m N o r t h e r n C a l i f o r n i a b e e n h e r e t e n y e a r s n o w . I w o u l d l o v e to lx ’ in to u c h w ith sim ilar.

D ear Brothers: I am a G W M , artist/craftsm an, sensual/sensuous, sensitive and sincere; m asculine in ap p e a r­ ance; androgynous in n alure/spiril; d eep in soul; magically rom antic; courageously open and honest; naturally curious. Physically I am a youthful 40, 6T", 160 lbs., light brown hair, hazel eyes, healthy, health conscious and IUV-.

I’m in terested in corresponding, m eeting and establishing m eaningful relationships (am orous or platonic) with spiritually-m inded gay or/ bisexual m en who share in terests in mail b o n d ­ ing, faerie consciousness, self-sufficient living an d creative expression. I would especially like to h ear from gay m en who are currently sellsupportive, o r in the process of becom ing selfsupportive with their own unique art or craft.

I live roughly 35 m iles southw est of Phoenix, but do travel th roughout A rizona and to neigh­ boring stales o ften. Photo w ith letter appreci­ ated. I lappy trails and blessed be!

At one tim e I subscribed to RED probably fantasy. T o live away from the cities and enjoy the rural life. Die sim pler existence. D ream s do com e true, in their own fashion. I live in one of the most beautiful parts of the country, the nearest city of any size (40,000 or so) is 80 m iles away. I have a well paid job and h ope to buy a hom e in the next couple of years, but I’m alone. I’m not desperate and being alone now is I suppose a good thing. I’ve had two rela­ tionships, 14 years and 1 year, I’ve been d ep en ­ dent and depended upon. W hat I’d like to find at this point in my life is a partnersh ip with som eone funny and hum an, som e resources of their owrn would help. I’m 36, 6’4", 220 lbs., brown hair and eyes, regular features, no hum p.

Intelligible it not intelligent, ooze charm and understanding. If you’re interested take a chance and w rite, I did. It’s a great place to visit, look for H iouchi, CA, .360 miles north of San Francisco on the Smith River, in the R edw ood N ational Forest. G ood place for a B&B, the good local ones stay lull

( ’h i p 4 4 1 E . 5 t h St.

Chuluota, FI. 3276b

D ear RI D Readers:

Listen U p Guys, D oes anyone out there know of a gay rural com m unity? If th ere is none is there anyone interested in starting such a com m unity? I’m not speaking of a fairy fuck land w here city folks conic in for sex and go back to the cities because they don’t w ant to get dirty. I m speaking of a true working rural com m unity.

Any thoughts or ideas. I would like to hear from you. Call or write C.L. D odd 1006 Santa A nita Dr. Belew, NM 87002-2930 (505) 864-9751

73

I would love to hear from men in the N1. O hio and Pennsylvania region. I was raised east of C leveland in Lake County and I am co n tem ­ plating a move back to this region. I'd like to know first hand what life is like there now and also to get to know some m en in this region to connect with once I get back there. It would be great to have a head start on making friends beforehand. 1 seek a more relaxed lifestyle without the stress and hectic pace of my life here in California. I have also reached a point in my life w here I would like to be closer to my family. I enjoy them and would like to be able to spend m ore tim e with them . I m 6’, 190#, brown hair, green eyes, nicely put together, healthy, happy, love to sing, youthful 40 with character and integrity. Please write and let me know what to expect of my relocation. I’ll really appreciate it. W ishing you all well, health and much happiness.

Bill W ard 1323 E. 31sl St. O akland, C A 94602 (510) 535-2685

MINDWAI.K 94’ W elcom e E arthm cn/Inhabitanls. My nam e is I'.xu, I m a pluralist, "magician," and w riter. I seek correspondence with all pluralistic political activists, environm entalists, telcvision/m edia people, businessm en, publishers, filmmakers, writers, perform ers, artists who are com m itted tow ards social race relations/integration within and outside the m en’s com m unity. Fellow pagans, magicians, earth religionists are espe­ cially invited into "casting the great circle." I’ve com pleted several treatises now available on racial ethics on what people o f color W ANT from o ur Caucasian cou n terp arts.

T his is available for m ass distribution. If you are com m itted to exam iningglobal politics and how gays/lesbians fit into the new aeon, write me.

As a 32-year-old L atino observer, I seek your perspectives and solutions on racial, environ­ m ental, population, econom ic issues. I’m an A quarius sun, C apricorn rising, Libra m oon/ m idheaven. From the dark subconscious w aters I rise, a "black prophet," retu rned from his underw orld to speak forbidden tongues and cast uncharted ways. We are all o n e flesh!

M ail letter/SA SE to:

Dear RFD Readers,

Dear Friends,

G reetings from n orthern C alifornia. I’m a country guy looking for a m ate. Originally from the city, but life is nicer in the country.

I’m a young 56, 5’9", 165 lbs. G W M . I’d love to find a younger guy in his 20’s-30’s for an LTR. I have a hom e on 11 w ooded acres in the beautiful C alifornia wine and redw ood country. It is an easy drive to the ocean, the Russian River, and San Francisco. I have lots of interests including the outdoors, travel, the city, quiet tim es at hom e, movies, etc. I’m a mellow and considerate guy and also m asculine, honest, supportive and affectionate. H ope to find a guy who likes rural life and a laid back lifestyle. Ixrve to h e a r from you, no prisoners please. Please send photo/phone. Peace.

Jay P.O. Box 1061 W indsor, C A 95492

I am a G W M , 47, 6 5", 218, beard, non-sm oker, sem i-vegetarian (i.e. p refer it, but am not dogm atic about it), like classical m usic from Fairly G othic to M odern, read poetry and science fiction novels, and do not drink alcohol.

I am looking for a friend/partner who ap p reci­ ates these aspects of my personality and who would like to explore all aspects o f sexuality with me. I need lots o f cuddling, togetherness and good feeling, but I am also into heavier actions veering tow ards SM, leather, etc., w here I can be dom inant and top. I do not condone brutality, dirty gam es and/or drugs abuse!

A rtistic inclinations/artists fascinate and attract me, because I like to express my feelings in m editative paintings, creative sculpting and music workshops. On my upcom ing visit to the US I d like to m eet like-m inded people, not necessarily for sex only. I will be visiting: Florida, G eorgia, D .C., New York, C alifornia, and A rizona. But I can also host over h ere in E urope. All nationalities welcome! W ould love to h ear from nice people who will also include a facial picture. Will answ er all letters.

J. W olfgang H. B idder B eethovenstr. 5 D-33604 Bielefeld GERM ANY

Uxu M ictlan 6230 W ilshire, Ste. 38 Los Angeles, C’A 90048

Hello!

Hello. My nam e is L ester Joseph F ernandes.

I am a gay Indian male, 31 years old and living in Kerela, South India. I stand about 5'8” tall, have dark hair and eyes, am well built, honest and sincere with a big heart. My interests are wide and varied. I enjoy music and the arts, movies, and reading good books. I also enjoy traveling when I can and long walks in the park. 1 am looking lor that special guy to settle down with. I he m an of my dream s should be tall, well builty, hairy, intelligent, sincere, and honest with a view to settling down. 1 am ItHiking for a com m itm ent and not just a casual affair. I am hoping to find my life-m ate and am hoping that som eone may be you. Please enclose a photograph of youself when you write. Fell me all abo u t yourself, your interests and desires. H oping to hear from you soon.

L ester Joseph F ern an d es 1/1078, ’M ad o n n a’ C ochin 882 001 Kerela. IN D IA

My nam e is V lada, 28 years old gay male from Belgrade— capital of Yugoslavia. I want to correspond with gays from your country. I am very alone. Can you help m e? My address is: Vlada PanicPost R estante 11101 Belgrade Y U G O SL A V IA

D ear Friends, I've lived many places, S eattle for 4 years, want to stay in o n e place longer than 2-4 years! I'm nearly 34, 5'6"ish, 280 Ibs.ish, br/hazel, redbeard, a teddybear preferring the slow lane to the disco floor. I enjoy reading fiction/nonfic,erotica, am addicted to the strange m onied mystique of baseball, those big, intense, sweaty, m uscled basketball w arriors, and the lean, intense surgeons of tennis. I w rite— letters, poem s, 'zinc contributions. Star T rek is a n o th ­ er addiction (M A SH , too, when available). I’m lonely, not very sexually experienced, attracted to strong, alpha m ale types. My fantasy is a man much hairier than me, hardbodied, af­ fectionate, aggressive, not obsessed with en d u r­ ance but certainly into touching, cuddling, kissing, etc. I want to be swept offa my feet, spoilt rotten for a while. Not being rich, the west/northw est is a preference. R elocation might be considered, but I'd need help to accomplish it. I m open to prisoners in the west/NW , sim ilar interests, very short tim e' (sorry, patience w earing thin about som e things). Any race.

T hornton Kimes 605>/: So. M ain # 2 Seattle, W A 98104

I’m 49 years old, 6’ (1.8m ), 210# (95kg), well hung and real hairy. I've been living with my lover for 10 years now and he enjoys reading the letters and seeing the photos I exchange with pen pals. Som etim es I can even get him to pose for a photo! My interests are many and varied. I like my m en big, hairy and ad ­ venturous. I enjoy trading stories about sexual adventures— th ere are m any things I can fan ta­ size about that I might not be quite as ready to try in reality. I enjoy swimming, photography, music, reading and stam p collecting. I haven’t been able to swim as much as I had hoped to this year— and I miss the exercise, as well as the lovely sights of the show ers and locker rooms. I’m always interested to hear about how it is to be gay in different parts of the world, so if you’d like to w rite about the social situation and gay m eeting places/activities in your area, I’d find that most interesting. I've lived in Israel for over 10 years now, and the situation there is very different from in the USA. I’d be very happy to hear from m en o f all ages and backgrounds— let’s get to know each other!

Box 6191 B eersheba, ISR A E L 84161

74

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