RFD Issue 79 Fall 1994 by RFD Magazine Gay

AUTUM N

ÂŠ Mark Skinner

We end our 20th year in print with this issue, appropriately titled R etro sp ectiv e F inally Done. Over the past year the feature in each issue has been a retrospective of four years of the magazine. That cycle concludes with this issue, highlighting 063 to the present. The cover art of this issue was done by Don Engstrom. Don was one of the original members of the R F D collective. In a letter to the current staff, he states:

Here are the covers fo r RFD; Sunflowers fo r the fro n t , wheat fo r the back. Do you remember our first cover? Sunflowers and wheat. It is so good, so solid to be a part o f this 20 year cycle. Thank you fo r all your hard work. We wonder if the original R F D collective had any idea that their fantasy of a country journal for gay people would survive twenty years? We at the Short Mountain Collective are proud to be a part of one of the oldest gay pulications still in existence. We appreciated the in print birthday wishes from brother "oldster" publication, In Touch and our buddies at M a n d ate , There have been many hard times through the years. Would there be enough money to pay the printers? Would there be the people to put it together? Somehow there was the determination to keep it going. The home of RFD has changed many times: from the Mid-West to the Northwest and then to the South. We are happy that RFD 's current home is here in Tennessee. It has helped provide a focus for our collective and brought untold riches. The riches are not so much in the way of money. What is richer and more powerful is that we are a nexus of Queer, Gay, Faerie -people who extend to the far reaches of the continent and beyond. We give voice to this network which enriches our lives so much. We offer a huge thanks to everyone everywhere who over the years has contributed to this quarterly. We celebrate twenty years in print and look forward to the next decade with a renewed sense of vigor. The continued success of R F D is in the hands of the readers, who contribute their writings, art, criticism, experiences and dreams. Since the last issue we have gained over a hundred new subscribers due to an advertisement in the Community Card Pack. Thanks to all our new readers, and please tell your friends about us. Send a gift subscription to a friend. R F D isn't for everyone; but there are a lot of people out there who donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know about us and who would benefit greatly from reading R F D . Our best advertisement is by word of YO UR mouth. We ask each of you, our readers, to find one person to subscribe to R F D .

This would more than double our subscriber base.

If you buy R F D at a bookstore, please,

please, P L E A S E

S U B S C R IB E . The bookstore and the distributor have to make a profit, and then there is not much left for us. We need more subscribers, and we need your help to make that happen. We received a number of responses to our call for a Spirituality Editor. We are communicating with those interested and expect to have a new editor by the Winter issue, 080. In this issue spirituality focuses on "Phallic Worship," by long-time contributor, Joe lawrence I^embo, editor o f a new gay pagan newsletter. P an th e o s, as well as a story by John Jones telling how he "found religion." We also offer up for your delight two new comic strips: a fantastic flight of fancy by famed Northwest cartoonist and long-time RFD contributor, Carl Vaughn Frick, and the uproarious queer-affirming musings of Norm, a new artist whom we warmly welcome to these pages. Both will continue as regular features. There is an article about medical marajuana legalization and another on the pros and cons of circumcision, which hopefully will spawn dialogue with many of you. These

along with

our regular features, fiction, poetry and contact letters - can provide you with stimulating and satisfying reading pleasure. Enjoy! And on page 5, note the call for submissions to our Fairie Primitives feature coming next summer. We invite all of you to the official 20th year anniversary party of RFD , featuring games, prizes and a Tea Dance. It will take place at the Short Mountain Collective on Wednesday afternoon, Oct. 5th, during our Fall Frolic (Sept. 30 - Oct. 9) Please wTite us for details and a map if you need one. .

p.BTROSPBCTIVB ^IN A L rliY ‘J jO N E

cvolumo 0(0(1 cno.1. QssuCj IS RFD is a reader-written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life-styles. Articles often explore the building of a isense of community, radical faerie consciousness, caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay men’s experiences. Editorial responsibility is shared between the Department editors and the Managing Editors. The business and general production is centered at Short Mt. Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by different groups. RFD (ISSN # 0149-709X) is published quarterly for S18 per year by Short Mt. Collective, Rt 1, Box 84A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services Seattle, Washington.

Member: CLMP (Council of Literary Magazines & Presses) IGLA (Int’l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.) INDEXED by Alternative Press Index PO Box 33109 Baltimore. MD 21218

DEPARTMENT EDITORS K K 'H E N QUEEN Buddy May, GA EIJNAK CALENDAR Moon hawk, GA POETRY Steven Riel, MA

BOOK REVIEW S (iarland Terry, OR BBB PEN PAL James Creagh, TN

I RON ! & BACK COVERS CENTERFOLD Donald Engstrom

FICTION

INSIDE FRO N T & BACK COVER Mark Skinner

JanNathan Long, TN G A R D E N IN G Greengenes, TN

A Subscription to RFD saves you money and really helps us. SUBSCRIBE TODAY!

contributors Alladres Alan Atkinson George Balthazaar Steven Baratz Steven L. Berg James Broughton James Campbell CA.Conrad Marvin C. Davis-Sullivan Gavin Dillard S. Charles Donovan Stephan Doonan Dan Doran Donald Engstrom Jannathan FallingLong Carl Vaughn Frick Keith Gemerek Kim Grittner Steven Hagen Allen Howard Jim Jackson John Jones KhirShananda Joe luiwrence Lembo Leopard Jim Lovejoy Maxzine Kevin Me Lei lan Grant Michael Menzies Moonhawk Jon Nalley Norm Dennis Owsley Jim Pfaff Robin Eugene Salandra Sandorfag Yaron Schweizer-Delilah Tom Seidner Jason Serinus Glenn L. Sitzman Michael Swift Sylvan Keith Thomason Chuck Thompson Eric Tor A. Vera L.S. Welch Jeffrey Windchester Jombi W. Womp Phil Woodward

contents A R T IC L E S AND ESSAYS A Rural Odyssey Living on the Body of the Mountain A Country Journal Entry Notes On Stonewall Sandorfag Does Europe Gentleman's Choice Community Contact

10 14 19 39 48 54 65

BOOK REV IEW S

B R O TH E R S BEHIND BARS

C O M IX Watchout! Comix'i Meet Norm

50 64

CO N TA CT LETTER S

C U L IN A R Y Kitchen Queen Bakers Buns

16 17

Buddy May Peter Baker

Yaron Schweizer-Delilah, Tom Seidner

28 30 31

Alan Atkinson James Campbell Allen Howard

FEATURE Recalling Former Decades: RED Retrospective #5 F IC T IO N Goran How to Eat Fruit Bandanna G A R D E N IN G Confessions of a Gay Gardner

G A T H E R IN G S

H EA LTH An Herbal Rotation Formula For The Healing of AIDS. Circumcision: A Prickly Dicision ....................Editors Two Cents Medical Marijuana Legalization.

Eric Tor Jannathan FallingLong Robin, Sylvan Jombi W. Womp Sandorfag Steven L. Berg Phil Woodward

Carl Vaughn Frick Norm

George Balthazaar

Jason Serinus

25 27 42

Chuck Thompson, Keith Thomason KhirShananda

IN SEA R CH O F...

LETTERS

LUNAR CA LEN DA R

Moonhawk

NEW S

Robin

PO ETRY

S P IR IT U A L IT Y Phallic Worship Choosing My Religion Mazes & Labyrinths

43 44 45

Joe Lawrence Lembo John Jones Ixjopard

22 61 56 19 27 25 10 28. 57, 62 34 11 39, 62 22, 23, 34, 65

CORRECTION

56-58, 66

R E M E M B E R IN G

38 28 15 37, 66 54, 55 57 30 58 33 8. 32 32 34 56-58 40, 41. 59 14 50-53 67 10 5 ,4 8 31 33 44 42 43 45-47 27 49 57 60 20 59 64 25 1 6, 19 32 48. 49 32-34, 39,63 35-37,66

ill-ill

In K Thaddcus Paulson's story, ’Sex t alk with Vivian," in issue #78, some paragraphs were inadvertently printed in wrong order. To read the story in its proper sequence, the seven complete paragraphs in column three, Page 4d, beginning with the words, "At that time I weighed . ” and ending with the word "Yaphank". should be inserted between the first two complete paragraphs in column two.We regret the confusion and apologize to Mr Paulson.

Dear Brothers, Just recieveo your wonderful summer '94 edition yesterday and wanted to share some thoughts with you. f irst, as a whole I must say that I really love RFD. You've got a great thing going. One section of RFD that I've always felt uncomfortable with, however, is the "Brothers Behind Bars” pages. I can appreciate the sentiment and good intention of helping relieve the loneliness most prisoners must surely endure, but I am against “beefing up” this section of RFD as is called for on page 15 of the Summer ‘94 edition. Let’s not forget that the vast majority of these men who are in prison are there for good reasons. I refuse to believe they arc all “victims” of the U.S. judicial system, or “victims” of any other entity or set of circumstances. Before their incarceration, they all had freedom of choice, and for whatever reasons, they chose to break the law. Again, 1 do appreciate the kind intention of trying to reach out to these unfortunate men, but if RFD wants to expand this section any further, you should consider creating a completely separate magazinc/joumal. Let RFD focus on gentle, loving men who live in peace with the world around them rather than devoting more space to those men who have chosen to lash out in violence and/or who feel the world owes them something that they have the right to steal from others what they’ve worked to achieve A completely separate issue 1 would like to address is that of RFD’s pansy Tshirts. Does RFD hold a copyright on the pansy emblem? If so, you might be interested to know that the company, Christopher & Castro is selling T-shirts with pansies on them, too. They’ve taken out a prominent ad in the June/July issue of POZ magazine on page 33. Thanks so much for a beautiful, inspiring publication and for taking my opinions & comments into consideration

Greetings! Assimilationists? How can any gays be assimilationists? What pseudo-sociologist has introduced this inappropriate term into our discussions? To be assimilated, you have to start as an outsider The problem we gays face is not one of starting out on the outside. We start IN a heterosexual family, IN a heterosexist society. Our problem is to fight our way OUT, often with long-term emotional trauma and sometimes with physical combat, too. The whole effort to get more of us to "come out" reveals vividly that this is a major problem. After all, it is quite normal to want to conform. Conformism is the problem we face, not assimilation. We conform by staying in the closet. We conform by laying politics by the rules, hoping for favors from heterosexual office-holders if we just appear respectable enough ("We're just like you, except in bed.") We conform by going to churches which insist on preaching a homophobic message. And many of us conform to keep our jobs, which is quite understandable, or for fear of losing family and friends, although that often turns out to be an unnecessary fear. In spite of all the fuss and bother about blatant gays, about street theater, about raucous demonstrations, most gays are more conformist than not. If more of us said, "T'hell with conforming!" we'd all be safer. The European immigrants I grew up with were all hell-bent for assimilation. They came from outside, from one or another "old Country," and they assimilated as fast as they could. That's the opposite of our problem. We need liberation from conformism. RFD surely isn't assimilationist. More power to ya! Ideas are weapons. If we use misleading terms, our ideas become obscure. So I argue that the difference between "assimilation" and "conformity" is not just a quibble over words; it is a plea for clarity.

Peace,

Laurence G. Wolf Cincinnati, Ohio (72-year-old member of the Cincinnati

Kurt Baum San Antonio, TX Dear RFD, Just wanted to include a note to alert you that I am going to renew my subscription, but under strong protest against the continued inclusion of NAMBLA information in your journal. There is no circumstance where sexual abuse of children d<K-s anything other than devastate the child often for a lifetime. I urge you to reconsider the impact on your readers, the reputation of your journal, but most importantly, the safety of a new generation of children, many of whom will naturallv be gay. Thank you for your consideration.

Fraternally yours,

My Dear Friends, Forster would be delighted to find that the Gay Greenwood is alive and well and living in Liberty, Tennessee. What great comfort and joy to have discovered RFD at long last(what anguish that it has taken 20 years for me to do so). I never imagined there was such a delightful forum fir Woodsmen of Ambiance and their Faery Godbrothers. From cover to enchanting cover(I love you for those images, Steve Baratz) I relished each drawing, letter, poem, photograph(Jack Shear has really captured the glory of pubic hair on page 60, one could joyfully nose around in that bush for days on end), the civilized disagreements, the unfettered consideration of the entire spectrum of our phallocentric experience. Thanks to Frank for the wonderful drawings(great cocks), thanks to Dancing Mane for the beautiful paean to N arcissist am especially fond of the pink Jonquilla ‘Bell Song’), thanks for the retrospective(I have missed a lot), the Country Journal, Greenberg’s great attitude toward the Final Experience, the dialog on NAMBLA(I remember longing for the carnal embrace of an older man when only nine, I am still longing at 55) and especial thanks to the Downhome Erotica boys for sharing their beauty and lust with us. I enjoyed as well the section on Spirituality, the Country Closet, the book review, the letters from all sorts and conditions of holy penis bearers. I rejoice in the collective beauty of my people. I am in awe at what you have accomplished Also, you have again massaged so many of my sensitive areas that it is hard to know where to begin. The cover for #78 was great - VanGogh on acid after a UFO abduction - am I right?(Rural French Delerium) Bless Jan Lynch for sharing those visions of beauty with us. The sweet plumpness of those buns gives new meaning to 'Between the Lines'. And I fell instantly in love with the macho yet tender and vulnerable beauty of 'Chris, Nude . Before RFD one despaired of finding 'real' people in a gay publication. Again, I would like to express my thanks for this forum.

From the gay heartland

Jannathan Fallinglong’s sensitive account of the Goat's demise was a Tragedy in the purest Greek sense. Sometimes words do not translate precisely. This tender Goat Song brought a flood of memories. For a year or so in Greece, though my primary task was landscaping the grounds of a villa for a wonderful British lady, one of my most delightful secondary tasks was the care and feeding (and milkings and mating and birthing) of Clara, the most beautiful pure white hornless goat imaginable. She arrived a young maiden before her first estrus cycle and we bonded immediately. She was intelligent and playful and good at games like hide and seek and find the olives(a favorite nibble). When I finally returned to the states, parting from the pleasure of her daily sweet and joyous company and leaving her to an unknown future was one of the saddest moments of my life. Daniel Raphael's moving 'Going to Florida’ was a jewel. Again a story about 'Real' people like the ones in Jan Lynch's photographs. And there was Dan Doran’s review of 'Hippie Dick’. Apparently there are even videos of real people. With every good wish, and love to all, [Rjeal [Fjucking [Djudes, I love you everyone Raydon Alexander San Antonio, TX

Dear RFD, I would like to comment about assimilation. It seems this is the latest fad and the faeries are certainly being effected by it. For instance, the Brcitcnbush gathering is now a "vacation choice, not a gathering place” and requires a registration fee. And some faerie groups out and about are requiring applications for admissions and have set up screening processes and fees for membership. Everywhere I go I hear the faeries crying. Gaynormals and barflys and Log Cabins..OH MY! 1 hope my satiric look at this sheds some light on the subject. There is also the dialogue about drinking and drugging at gatherings, which I must comment on. Just because someone is against a group of drunken drug addicts casting disdainful remarks and whiskey bottles inside faerie space doesn't make them a police collaborator, as Garnet suggests. And yes, we need to effect change through example, but the sloppy drunk and the fucked up drug addict can cooperate. In this spirit, I suggest those who wish to partake set up specific rituals for their quest, which I'm, sure can be met with great creativity. Creating a vision is a fun community project. If you must stay high at all times and do so around anyone you choose in order to feel free, remember, others may be frightened by your behavior and leave the space. This is sad. Still, others may remind you that more lesbians and gays die from alcohol and drug abuse than from AIDS each year. You may see these people as judgmental police collaborators or perhaps you may take the time to listen and ask yourself why you need to use so many externals to get high. If you look closely you may see yourself in their eyes. Honey, many of us have been there and gotten out. Clear your head, cleanse your body, be gentle with your soul. Love yourself and love your brother. Queerly Yours Eafw' Gagi

Dear RFD , I would very much like to respond to the article, "Thoughts on Corresponding with Prisoners” In the Spring,'94 issue (#77) and thank you at the same time for letting your readers know of how prisoners like myself feel as well as about a few of the "con jobs" some prisoners try getting away with even though they are in prison. 1 myself can say that I am not a part of that group. I am one of the few who "Cherish The Friendship" more than anything. 1 have had very very few good friends in my lifetime and lost them by death. It really hurts me to think about some of the other prisoners using very good people out there to get the things they may want. It really hurts the one good prisoner that is just looking for a trusting friend that he/she can talk to. Glen L White, California Correctional Institution Tehachapi, CA

Future Feature Summer 95:

FAERIE PRIMITIUES Mud People Tattoos Piercings Ritual Body Painting Fire Dancing Sex Magic Physical Paganism Shamanic Aesthetics A s t r a l

T r a v e l Barking at the Moon Blood Sweat and Cum Queer Mysticism Fag Spirituality The Animal Within! Photos, Stories, Personal Mythology, Drawings, Art work, Tales, Dream journals, Fantasies, At your favorite gathering, on the streets, in the bedroom, with the Tribe, by yourself!!!! The theme for the summer issue ft 82 is Faerie Primitives Please send in anv material now or write leopard/RFD Primitives with ideas or for further info.

Only through Body can you dance with the Gods — James Broughton

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s« *o jz u, o.

CONSCIOUS NEWS

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The anawar may wall be in a renewal of self-sufficiency, the weaning away of dependence on huge impersonal governing and other corporate structures, the bolstering of small communities and economies based on mutual exchange at the most local level possible. The true revolution will be when people simply begin ignoring tha government, the advertising culture, the banks and other forces of alienation. To many ears it will sound absurd to suggaat it, but it seems like a viable way out of the mess: give people land and freedom from debt and teach them how to grow their own food and produce their own energy.

This isn't naws, but it is current, and according to anything I've ever read and the witness of my own eyes most everywhere I've ever gone, itâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s been current through most of the long unfolding of the human story. Perhaps in that mythic, idyllic state of nature before we humans embarked upon the creation of agriculture, trade, and cities, when we yet lived in small cohesive groups gathering our sustenance from the trees, streams and bambles about us, the current I'm referring to had not yet appeared. What's current is human poverty and the degradation of having to plead with passersby for food and money. The American Dream is not an organic whole; many people are left out. The news this time is being written from San Francisco, and from this vantage point the poverty is obvious and unavoidable. Every day is filled with saying no and yes to the hungry eyas and the outstretched hands. Limousines float by young women with children on their laps and cardboard signs in front of them making simple requests for help. The alienation is extreme in late industrial capitalist society, and as self-sufficiency declines even more and the farm population declines and specialization of labor in the Information Age heightens, the poverty and alienation expands and overtakes more and more people. What's news is the extent to which the powerful have convinced the middle classes that the poor are somehow the enemy, are somehow to blame for the economic problems of the nation and the Nation State. The push is on to put an end to welfare programs. Some will recall when, a few years ago, the state of Michigan cut off welfare payments to all single men in the middle of a harsh winter, throwing them out on the streets while Detroit's auto executives raked in millions Just down the road a piece. The current Administration is singing the popular song and is promising an end to liberality in helping those who society has left behind.

The best news is that there are still old man like Alan Buiford farming in the hi 11a of Tennessee, old men whose bones are mada from the soil beneath their feet and the rain that falls from the big sky. The sad news i8 that none of Alan's children or grandchildren want to take over his farm, but the good news is that, even at the age of 79, he's not interested in letting it all just fall away so easily. See, the news is that not too long ago some real estate men came out to Cannon County from Nashville hoping to make soma money. Alan says they came by his place and offered him $200,000 for his land. Heal estate men offer money like that in the hope of making way more out of it in the near future, usually by taking something beautiful and turning it into something ugly. Nashville is a great example. The last couple of decades has seen the sleepy lush landscape of Davidson County turned into a diarrhea of soul-numbing freeways and strip-malls, billboards and characterless housing developments. These real estate men came from Nashville, you must remember. Now Alan wanted to know what these men intended to do with the farm once they got their hands on it. Turns out they had these sterile visions of building houses all over it and sending Alan and his wife away. Alan sent them away, unsuccessful in their ugly little bid to cheat an old farmer out of his soul. ''Where was I supposed to g o '' , he told me, ''off to some city to sit and watch T.V.?" But when he dies, or no longer has the strength to run his farm, will his descendants follow the wide road trod by so many this century, selling his land to money-grubbing profiteers whose only contribution to society is the destruction of the countryside?

*n Wampeters, Foma, and Granfalloons, Kurt Vonnegut, Jr. wrote, " Everything is going to become unimaginably worse, and never get better again. If I lied to you about that, you would sense that I'd lied to you, and that would be another cause for gloom."

As the simplicity, stubborn independence and earthy beauty of people like Alan Buiford becomes ever more rare, and farms give way to strings of cheap and ugly condominiums filled with the wage and salary slaves of the monolithic smiley-face corporations, Vonnegut'a words have a frightening ring of truth. But waitl Neils Bohr, renowned twentieth century physicist has said, "A great truth is a truth whose opposite is also a great truth." Could it be then that everything is going to become unimaginably better, and only get better and better? Both are probably true. The news, of course, is only and always a matter of perspective, and there are ten thousand ways of looking at everything, if not ten zillion. Nevertheless, I hold that tough old farmers deep in the countryside are a better repository for the soul of a people than the artificial and depressing alienation from nature brought to us by the real estate developers. Take your pick.

The United States government maintains its ban on travel by U.S. citizens to Cuba, and the willful violation of that law is in the news again lately. The ban exists, according to the official propaganda, to help put an end to communism in the former U.S. vassal state. Authoritarianism of the sort practiced by Fidel Castro haf lever bothered U.S. policy-makers when done in the name of democracy by military dictators at the end of U.S. leashes in other countries, and the anger directed against Castro stems in reality from his unwillingness to kiss America's sagging imperial ass. The brutal Pinochet regime which the U.S. helped to install held its arms wide open to the prof1t-mongering of U.S. corporations, but real estate men from Nashville can't go to Cuba and swindle farmers out of their land, and that is the real source of America's paternalistic punishment of Cuba. As a result of it, girls who are thirteen years of age are forced to take their shirts off by U.S. Customs agents.

According to an article in the San Francisco Chronicle on July 2, 1994, Arlen Gomez, returning to the U.S. from Cuba by way of Mexico with 100 other members of the Freedom To Travel Campaign, was ordered by Customs officials in Houston to take off her T-shirt printed with the Cuban flag. As the girl burst into tears, her mother had to struggle past Customs agents to come to the support of her daughter. Another victory in the fight against communism. Oh yes, and by the way, the U.S. Treasury Department seized the group's $43,000 bank account in June.

WASHINGTON WICCANS The Church of Wicca, the Order of the Golden Fairiesâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; Sons and Daughters of the New Moon Call 627-5417 for information about the meeting second and fourth Fridays of the month at the Magical Garden, 2407 6th Ave, Tacoma, WA 8:00 FM. This is an open meeting of gay, lesbian, bisexual and their friends. Awaken the spirit of ritual, unleash your true pagan spirituality. Please join us for a spiritually uplifting evening fellowship, guided meditations, psychic healing. AUSTIN FAERIES Regular Circles meet the 3rd Tuesday of the month 7:00pm, 227 Congress Ave. at the Grassroots Peace Building at the southeast com er of 3rd and Congress Ave.

Gatherings Native Plant Conference in Memphis

ARTLAND 94 September 23 - 26, 1994 This celebration of Queer Arts, is open to Painters, Writers, Poets, Musicians, Landscape Artists, Dancers, Sculptors, Singers, Cooks, Gardeners, Potters,- Everyone Registration fees: $50 prior to Sept. 1/ $65 after Sept. 1/ $8 each additional day to Sept. 29. Work exchange can be arranged. Registration includes dinner Friday, three vegetarian meals a day including breakfast Monday as well as beautiful land, campsites, meeting spaces, bonfires spring water, outdoor showers and a good bit of madness and magic. For more information call: 615/597-4409 or write IDA, 904 Vickers Hollow Rd.

Dowelltown, TN 37059 CENTRAI. LOUISIANA After five years of dormancy Central Louisiana not-so-Radical Faeries plan a gathering for mid-October, '94. With promised use of land, buildings, and facilities at a location near Alexandria, a planning committee is forming to prepare and host the event. A group of La. faeries who call themselves L'Affaire have set October 14th16th for a week-end of self-exploration, consciousness raising, faerie spirituality, and fun. Send SASE to L'Affaire listing for more inform ation.

A WEEKEND WITH OUR BROTHERS-7 This will be held at the Chimney Com ers Camp, Novem ber 4-6, located in Beckett, MA and will provide an open and non-competitive environment to meet new people and learn from one another. Thers will be a number of workshops facilitated by professional and nonprofessional individuals as well as unstnictured time for people to relax and the enjoy the country setting. The entire weekend including meals, lodging and workshops is $150. For more information about the weekend and the workshops, contact:617/247-3964 or 800/GOAWWOB

SHORT MOUNTAIN HARVEST FEST This years gathering will be held from Sept. 30 to Oct. 9 Come join us in celebrating the abundance of our harvests. This gathering is open to wimmin and children. We discourage pets, so please don't bring them, if you must, they can be boarded in Woodbury, 8 miles away. The pre-gathering work week begins on Sept. 23. Contact SMS for details. Carpooling is very important since parking is limited and so is the ozone layer.

SPIRITUAL GATHERING OF RADICAL FAERIES Come and commune with your brothers in the beautiful Cascade Mountains of Oregon at the oldest continuing Faerie Gathering. Warm cabins, hot tubs, pools, steam and vegetarian meals. February 17-20. For more information, contact: Breitenbush Gathering 1995 P.O. Box 6945 Portland, Or 97228-6945

HEAR YE FAERIES Pele worshipers gather here on Her nurturing breast, singing and dancing in the sanctuary She has prepared and reserved for us. Faeville is envisioned as a Faerie permaculture community of men living simply in harmony with the Earth We seek to engender a Circle of Loving Com panions com m itted to open honest comm unications, mutual loving supportt, and a healing diet of whole live foods. This CALL is directed to a dozen artisans, musicians, plaborers, craftsman, landancers, gardeners, and their ilk to abandon civilization and manifest the dream of returning to The Garden. We believe that a diet of abundant love, fresh air, and live whole foods will cure all ills. Those ready to abandon heteroconsumerism, allopathy, and the worries o f the world are invited to to live, laugh, and love. Blessed Be! FA EV ILLE P.O, Box 1463 Pahoa, HI 96778 808/334-3359 - Voicemail

The fifth Mid South Native Plant Conference will convene in Memphis, Oct. 21 - 22 - 23 at Christian Brothers University. Registration for the three day conference is $70 and must be made by O ct 1st Registration includes two meals, snacks, and a conference T-shirt. Two days of varied lectures, covering over a dozen topics, will be followed by a day with four field trips, plus private gardens open for visits at Memphis residences. Speakers include J.C.Raulston (NCSU Arboretum), Dick Bir (North Carolina), Kim Hawks (owner of Niche Gardens), Tony Avent (owner of Plant Delights Nursery), Plato Tiouliatos, prominent Memphis Nurseryman, and Felder Rushing, wellknown Mississippi plantsman and media personality. Topics range from Butterfly Gardening, to "new" natives in the nursery scene, to native hibiscus and native fungi. An "unofficial" event, the Lavendula Society, for lesbian and gay horticulturists and botanists, will have a gathering during the conference on Saturday evening. Consult the programme for details. For descriptive brochure and registration form, write to: MSNPC, Larry Wilson, Registrar, 5992 Quince Road, Memphis, TN 38119. Hope to see you there! â&#x20AC;&#x201D; Dancing Mane

Faery Contacts

Atlanta Faerie Circle 404/622-4112 Austin Area Faeries Casa de Los Mariposas, 12514-b Esplanade St. Austin, TX 78727-4409 512/837-1596 Faerie Foneline 512/370-4708 Fax 512/836-9715 Email lazarus@bga.com Black L eather Wings PO Box 210556 San Francisco CA 94121 Blue Heron Farm Rt 1 Box 1244 Dekalb NY 13630 Blue Ridge Fairie Circle PO Box 17512, Asheville, NC 28816 704/287 0833 British Columbia Radical Faeries 1475 Santa Rosa Rd. Christian Lake, BC V0H1E0 604/447-9414 - Michael or Lar C entral New York Radical Faeries P.O. Box 3982 Ithica, NY 14850 Chicago Faerie Circle 812 N. Noble-Coach House Chicago, IL 60622 312/235-8315 D.C. Faeries c/o Happy doodle 301/946-0517 "Fey D irt" Portland, Oregon 503/235-0826 “ F eydish” Computer Bulletin Board 415/861-4221 Faerie Bear Share Joe & Mike Totten-Reid 1712 Calle Poniente Santa Barbara CA 93101 805/569-1615 F ro n tie rs Socials, discussions and outdoor events for Gay and Bi men 14 W. Mifflin St Suite 103 Madison WI 53703 608/251-7424 G anowungo S anctuary, W. N.Y. Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield NY 14787 Gay O rganic G ardeners John Starnes 1684 Willow St Denver CO 80220 GAYA-Gay Consciousness and S p iritu a lity Heidelberg Faerie Circle Blucherstrasse 1 W-6900 Heidelberg Germany 49/6221-860535 Holy Faery Database (networking tool for faeries) c/o Harry Ugol/ Michael Dreyer 1434 Alemany Blvd S.F. CA 94112 415/469-0625

House of the Dawn 112 W Way POB 637 Yarnell AZ 85362 602/427-3112

Sacred Faeries 165 Regent St Salt Lake City UT 84111 801/531-6846

IDA 904 Vickers Hollow Rd Dowelltown, TN 37059 615/597-4409

San Francisco Tel-a-Fairy 415/626-3369 Events and message tape for the Bay Area faeries

Kawashaway Sanctuary 3612 Chicago Ave So Minneapolis MN 55407 612/823-6996 E-mail address: molde008@gold.tc.umn.edu

Santa Cruz Fairy Line 408/335-5861 Events and message taps' for the Santa Cruz, area

Korydon PO Box 653 Phoenix AZ 85001

Seattle Fairy Phone 206/783-2011 event tape for Seattle area

L ’A ffaire The Beau Monde POB 3036 Pineville LA 71361

Short M ountain Sanctuary Route 1 Box 84-A Liberty TN 37095 615/563-4397 (messages)

Men N urturing Men c/o Midwest Men's Center POB 2547 Chicago IL 60690 312/348-3254

Southern C alifornia Star Circle- Faerie Dish Rag Los Angeles CA 90026

New H am pshire/V erm ont (southern) Ron 603/478-5437

Verm ont- Destiny Lodge PO Box 88 Northfteld VT 05663 802/485-6668

NYC Faerie Circle POB 1251 Canal St Sta NY NY 10013 Gay Switchboard 212/777-1800 N om enus POB 312 Wolf Creek OR 97497 503/8662678 415/626-3369 (San Francisco) same as tele-faerie number N ortheastern Faeries (including Blue Heron Farm) POB 1251 Canal St Sta NY NY 10013 N orthw estern Faeries 1510 19th Ave Seattle WA 98122 Circle of Q ueer Pagans/Oklahoina Radical F aeries P.O. Box 32321 OKC, OK 73123 405/722-8985 O ntario Faeries/ Fees du Quebec Amber Fox Sanctuary Box 65 McDonald’s Corners Ontario CANADA K0G 1M0 613/278-2744 P an th eo s PO Box 9543, Santa Fe. NM 87504 505/982-6827 P hiladelphia Faeries c/o Earth 2221 Spring Garden St #3R Philadelphia PA 19130 215/864-9922 Portland OR Fey Dirt-News and Information Line in area 503/235-0826 Rheinland Faeries/G erm any Geert 0228/443218 Rural Gay M en's G roup support network for Canadian countrymen PO Box 1404 Port Hardy B.C. CANADA VON 2P0

POB 26807

West G erm an Faeries Gereckin Oetkin Berghovener St. 57 53227 Bonn Germany Windy City Gay N aturists P.O. Box 2547 Chicago, IL 60690-2547 708/451-1138 -Mark Whole E arth Com munity A Neo Pagan Radical Faerie Collective 142 Washington Street Binghamton, NY 13901 607/723-9867 - Nick

Send us your photos and stories of STONEWALL 25 and show us all how fabulous you were! Whether you were lamenting Judy's death, or looking for the Stonewall for a quick drink. Whether you made out with that Bulgarian weight-lifter or not, if you were at any of the gay games, Stonewall 25 activities (legal or otherwise) or made it up to Destiny Lodge — we want to hear ALL about it! (Whether it really happened or noil) This is our history — Lets share it!

A Rural Odyssey For some years now, I've pondered the fundamental nature of one of my closest friends, the wind. What is the wind, after all? Is it the power of air being pushed, or is it the rush of air being pulled? Though I have put this question to every weatherman l have ever met, none has ever answered it to my satisfaction. And for that I'm very glad: the wind is my friend, after all. Lately, however. I've pondered a similar question that I really would like an answer to. Are rural gay men rural because we're drawn to the country, or because we simply can't cope with the urban and suburban alternatives? That's the long form of the question. The short form is more pungent, are we citizens or are we refugees? We'd all like to think, of course, that we're citizens. But are we really? Consider for a moment what our "citizenship" has cost us: lovers, high camp, camaraderie, specialty shops, upward mobility, culture, openness, the seawall. Poohpooh, if you like. But ask yourself what rural gay men get in exchange? We get: closets, quarantines, loneliness, suspicious neighbors, driveways to shovel, celibacy, and lots of fresh air. The obvious imbalance in this ledger raises the question, "What on earth were we thinking of when we decided to go rural?'1 For my part, I guess I was thinking mostly of pain. My childhood, you see, had been largely a kind of emotional Nazi concentration camp with my father as an alcoholic Josef Mengele. It was, I think, the pain of putting my young adult life together that first brought me, a spiritual refugee from Vancouver, to this dead-end valley I now call home. When I first contemplated settling here twenty years ago, I think I was drawn not only by the sheer physical beauty of the land, but also by the aloneness it encouraged me to enjoy. Aloneness, in those days, was a welcome antidote to the abject otherness which was elsewise my daily bread. My first lover was an easterly wind caressing me through the branches of a whitebark pine on the rim of an alpine skyline. The journey from that pine to today has not been an easy one. I soon learned that dispensing with the shackles of outward oppression (my father) by no means rid me of the shackles of inward oppression (my self-loathing). In those early years I was retreating, and my home therefore became a retreat, in the original meaning of the word. I lived and breathed the hurt and dislocation of exile. I was a refugee. Six years ago, I met another traveler - a woman, as it turned out. During our ensuing years together, she taught me all she could about self acceptance, nurturing and love. These were not painless lessons, to be sure; but now that they have come to an end and I am again living alone, I see that they have changed me utterly. After half a lifetime of exile from myself, and after too many years of living the rural life as a rejection of my humanity and my gayness, I now feel newly at home in both body and soul. I have finally embraced this valley as my native country. No longer does my life seem half empty; these days it is a life half full.

IN SEARCH OF... Are you looking for someone you have lost contact with. Send us the info, in as few words as possible and we will print it in three consecutive issues.

Jerry C’helland of San Diego where are you? You wrote me in RFD winter of '92. I lost your address! Spirit brother please write John loren zen, 2371 M Camino Capitan, Same Fe, NM 87505. (E-79)

Steven Wells: last known address 61 1-D Lemonasky Rd., Tonasket, WA 98855. Contact: David Schuler, PO Box 1776, Guerneville, CA 95441, 707/869-1884. (£ - 80)

E dgar M artin, where are you? Hoping to find you and renew our friendship. Please call me this summer at 415/710-8984, or at 707/869-3837. (E-80) Sam uel Lebon (River) has lived in Boulder, Santa Fe, now possibly in San Francisco. Denny Geiger 518 Frrett Circle, Santa Cruz, CA 95060. (E-80) Bob F eldhaus, please contact Jay, RR 5 Box 199A, Eufaula, OK 74432-9805. (E-79)

♦

W illiam from C anada, with the sexy jean shorts- we met in NY in Central I*ark at the Stonewall March. Please write or call Mike at the Austin Raedical Faeries. (E-81)

►3DIZZI The First Gay Travel Service in China Have you ever longed to see the Great Wall, China's ancient engineering triumph? Have you ever imagined yourself traveling the world-famous "Silk Road" once traversed by Marco Polo? Have you ever wondered what gay life in China might be like? Now, through the auspices of Xinjiang Oasis China T ravel Service, the first gay-owned travel agency in mainland China, you can experience all this and more firsthand In addition to visiting gay locales in various cities, we offer sightseeing tours to many different rural environments: mountain treks, desert expeditions, and grassland excursions. Whether traveling by foot, horse, camel, bicycle, motorcycle or auto, we can arrange for you to meet local gays and learn of minority cultures and customs. We employ well-trained gay guides and interpreters fluent in English. Japanese, German, French and Russian and cooperate closely with other agencies, airlines, hotels and railways. Our motto is "Friendship First/Customers First" and wc guarantee a friendly, high-spirited travel experience. We eagerly look forward to your arrival. For more information, please write: Yang Dejun / Renxu No. 5 North Metan Road Urumqi, Xinjiang P R. China 830000

Is my story unique? I doubt it. In fact, I strongly suspect that many of you reading this are traveling down similar byways of the soul. Could it be that exile and pilgrimage are at the core of rural gay life? I wouldn't be at all surprised if they were. I offer this biographic doodle for one reason only: to remind us all to be gentle with one another. Whether all of us are refugees or not, surely we all are thirsting for more, not less, human kindness and understanding. Eric Tor

Tel: Fax:

(86)991-441194 (86)991-443206 (86)991 -216202 Telex: 79190 WLBTHCN

This piece first appeared as an editorial in the 1993 Vernal Equinox edition of the Rural Gay Men's Group Newsletter in British Columbia.

UCI K-2 32083

POB 221 RAILFORD

WILLIE LEE BINES 562955 Young, attractive, tit. bthazardly hung, copper brown, top-bottom, seeking TV/TS, she-male, race no factor, friendship or lover, looks unimportant! care tor heart, will answer all. exchange photos. STEVE RAY BUNCH 709856 BLD 64 111 2 K-2 W attractive, young, music build, well hung, golden tan. seeks financial secure, 5i£p. subrnssve cpys. T\&,Ts, shehe metes, bottoms, y in g or ofcl, B or W far warmcartigenpyctte tun fnendshp arti pees m ch more, baks, ***$% he tjl A important i your fcnety at n tft or day you can always wtebnety me, rem a pc 6 worth a 1000 wads, wl answer at hope to be tree 90cn

JOHNNY HENRY 053105 B 43 5'9 180 bk br muscular build, workout daily, love outdoors, letters, reading, would love to hear from any race, I am a very kind, open-minded, understanding and lovable person. JEFFREY JONES 387744 L28 Ebony, well hung stud, would enjoy financially secure supporter, submissive whites, blacks for friendship maybe more, I am gay and would enjoy writing to someone who is also, welcome all letters and will answer all, soon to be released, please write soon, I'm lonely.

SUGGESTIONS AND GUIDELINES TO RESPONDING TO PEN PAL ADDS. The purpose of the pen pal listing is to offer the community at-large the opportunity to relieve the pain and loneliness that most inmates endure. RFD assumes no responsibility for claims made in these Brothers Behind Bars listings, and we urge all respondents to exercise caution, especially with any financial dealings. Inmates can submit their ads' as short as possible to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. The coordinator reserves the right to edit ads according to his judgment. Notes: Inmates are listed in Zip Code order within the same Zip Code. All inmates are supposed to be gay unless specified otherwise. Bi=bisexual, W=white, B=black, NA=native American, A=Asian, H=hispanic, PR=Puerto Rican / age in years/ height/ weight in pounds/ color of hair/ color of eyes: ab=auburn, bd=blond, bk=black, br=brown, bu=blue. gn=green, hz=hazel, rd=red, gy=gray, drbr=dark brown. addresses are given ONCE per facility.

NOTICE: For the sake of saving printed space, i

BrothersBehindBarsBullitenBoard. 100% RIP OFF The following is a excerpt from a prisoner in Railford FI. "I sent a check to a gay pen pal service in Memphis. The check was sent for MAGAZINES AND PEN PAL LISTING. It was a 100% rip off add. Please stop this from happening to any other lonely gays that think they will receive a listing or magazine. This is the addressREV. JOHN PROWETT 1517 COURT ST., SUITE # 4 MEMPHIS TN. 38104 ". LLGP The League for Lesbian & Gay Prisoners has recently formed in Cleveland and will cover Ohio. The organization originating in Seattle WA. is a network of people both in and out of prison who are concerned about the special problems of incarcerated lesbians and gays. There goal is to bridge some of the alienation which prisons create in our community. Our long range goals include correspondence circles, a newsletter to facilitate communication between prisoners and non prisoners, reentry programs etc.. For more OH 44102-9045 NAMBLA North American Man/Boy Love Association Bulletins are available free to persons imprisoned for sex with minors. Contact Rock Thacher, Suite 120 Box 263. 4730 E Indian School FkL.Phoenix AZ 85018. “Helping you to understand and cope with your sexuality."

MCI MA

SHIRLEY 01464

POB

1218

SHIRLEY

ARTHUR L TERRION 41 Princess looking for a King to make me their Queen, will do anything and everything to please !, very lonely, will answer all even prison to prison !,l need a 'mail1lover.

30 ADMINISTRATION RD BRIDGEW ATER MA 02324 FRED BLANEY Wish to share meaningful letters, hope to be released soon, age is not a factor but honesty and sincerity are, send photo if possible.

GSP

HC01

REIDSVILLE

30499

ALTON TROY CHITWOOD EF-132649 W 32 6*1 190 br gn attractive, well hung, top man, hairy chest released 95, seeking special friend to build lasting friendship and more, will answer all, can exch. photos. MICHAEL CORKER 276392 B 37 I am a very talented person musically, I love swimming, basketball, volleyball, baseball, I am Christian, love people and very outgoing, love to write someone w/ same interest. WILLIE D WILLIAMS E7-123-567-C-2 W 34 5'9.5 lonely, fine, tall sexy, muscle toned body but gentle and sweet, intelligent, smart, honest, fun to be with, have class, style, love to cuddle up, seeking 35-50yo who’s loving, sweet, compassionate and honest, who wants that very special person in there live, will ans, all.

JERRY MOBLEY 281486 Q-36 B 5‘8 204 brown eyes My friends call me "Muscles." My hobbies are staying fit, traveling, cookies, slow music.

FSP

POB

747

STARKE

32091

JAMES CARTER 28504 W 6' 175 br bu dominant, protective, stud, well endowed, soon to released, searching for worthy, submissive, passionate male, your photo gets mine. ELLIS CUNNINGHAM 205827 B 33 5‘6 178 in great health, in search of a real friend, with a good sense of humor, I would like to correspond with anyone who can relate to friendship. TRACY BROXSON 079989 W 30 bd bu feminine and fine, model material, have beautiful bubble butt and smooth complection, seeking older mature man that is compassionate, understanding for corr. poss. lasting rel. , HIV-, sincere, caring, affectionate, and very sweet, reading, writing, music, looking for that special someone for serious monogamous relationship upon release. LEON EARLY 051594 S-3-N-1 I am a very lonely man, in need of a real babe. Who wishes to correspond with a black stud short timer. ROBERT EVANS 041078 B 38 5‘8 175 stocky, muscular build and very healthy, I'm search of a real friend. I have a good sense of humor and lots of conversation. I would like to correspond with believers in friendship DANNY HAMMOND 119492 V2N13 W 23 seeking a friend for correspondence and possible relationship. MICHAEL JAMES HARDEN 289808 Bi mid20's I’m curious to know if there is life after loneliness ? If so can I get one round trip ticket to the land of monogamy ? Hopefully no jet lag involved. LaWAINE HENDERSON 018910 B 30 5*10 181 well built, excellent health, well groomed neat appearance, smooth light br complection, educated, positive, interests are people, art, reading, writing, drawing, painting, exercise, fashion, swimming, tennis volleyball, cycling and jogging, I’m from Detroit Mich., I'm very gentle, I like simple things, I am a stud in the purest sense of the word, I'm inside for 12.5 yrs and I wish to communicate with the world.

EDDIE D HOWARD 478548J-1-S-10 B 29 5'11 192 intelligent, kind and most considerate towards others views and opinions, interested in establishing a sincere fnendship/reiationship with a gay male, race or age is unimportant. PATRICK JONES 093860 B 26 6’4 205 lonely, lonely !, handsome and sincere, comfort and confidence, enjoys life for what's rfs worth, seeks common influence rel., via friendship, race, size age unimportant, take your time drop me a line I'm dying to m eet you LARRY A McCORO 069091 S-3-N-7 B 5’8 225 solid, horsehung, educated, passionate and dominate, seeks sincere, submissive and caring babe, age and race unit WILl IAM MIDDLETON Jr 041811 K-3N-1 W 38 br bu 170 loving, kind, understanding, loves art, food, sports, reading, making friends, no games, friendships mean the world to me, will write all.

TONY NEWTON 85687 3-13R-19 W 25 6‘ 1 180 bd gn Extra clean and great health, seeking others for correspondence and maybe more, will answer all’! DAVID SALING 102232 4-209 W 35 ff 175 good looking top, hunk and coming out clean, artistic, very sincere, body builder, soon to be released and looking for second chance on life with bottom for friendship and possible relationship. WILLIAM PARIS 76545 3-12-R-8 B lonely, intelligent, humorous, ambitious, caring, seeking, one serious minded individual, I'm pure love ! , write me. ROBERT TABER 108115 W 23 175 br dkbr clean and in great shape and health, seeking sincere others for corresp., to help pass my long days and lonely nights, friendship and possibly more, all write, waiting...

POB 5500 0990

CHILLICOTHE

45601-

MIKEFESTI 279-057 W 225'10 br bu/gn glasses, I will write to anyone that writes to me. LOREN LEWIS 247 741 W 27 bd hz 170 5'9 German

JAMES A MILES A 093603 W 28 br br I have a fine body and seek a caring top for lasting friendships and poss. relationship, will ans ail replies. TOMMY LEE THOMPSON 081188 T-1-S-13 B 26 5‘9 189 very lonely, muscular build, in good shape, nice looking and personality, open minded, caring, understanding, sincere, love nature and the same sex, seeking sincere friends to help break down this barrier of loneliness, will answer all. please write soon.

BPRP POB 33043

509

PINE

KEY

ISSAC LAWSON 029385 B 30 6*1 200 professional tailor, athletic, romantic, sincere, healthy, uncut, seeking sincere, loving person for friendship and more, 2 yrs left without gain time.

MIKEPLUMLEY 152221 W 5'8 bd good looking. RONALD S. SPALDING 275030 36 5‘6 150 Libra, very affectionate, seek correspondence with someone of fine spirits and some wild free ideas on companionship, also with an open sexual attitude, sensitive and caring, soon to be free, but in need of a caring heart to communicate with, possible meeting and/or exchange of photos. BOB WARD 236837 W 30 looking for pen pals to write to, go to church, don't get any mail, would like someone to write to.

SOCF POB 45699-0001

45699

LUCASVILLE

ANDREW BALDRIDGE 854353 15-3R 26 155 5'10 br br fair complecbon, good build, looking for friendships perhaps more. CHARLES E FISHER 10940 17-B5 26 Farm boy, solid build, would like to hear from you, I like it all, wnte me. DANNY LEE COLLIER 6913 B 30ish 6 good looking, very energetic, in need of a friend, someone loving and understanding like myself. ALLEN JONES 915785 1-3R W Bi 24 5’11 168 bd bu interested in a pen pal to give inspiration to a guy who would be interested in sharing a meaningful friendship or pos. relationship, will answer all, no games. KENNY POWERS 875583 W 24 bd bu 5'10 160 lam honest and sincere who is in search of love and happiness, I am looking for someone who is 30-60 yrso, I hope to build the friendship into a loving relationship, I dont play mindgames and I don’t care for anyone that does, I will respond to all letters. JEFF SCHRADER 21140 42AJ W 33 5’9 145 br hz Well educated man seeks same for possible relationship, HIV neg., Greek/French active or passive, no head games received or given, released 1/95-1will relocate for right person, you seek monogamous, long term relationship/ caring, loving, romantic gentleman, all responses will be answered. VICTOR YAKAS 860471 8-5C-G 34 57 162 br gn I like to write 18 to 25 year olds.

POB 30

PENDLETON

46064

REGINALD SCRUGGS 16232 B 33 br 190 6' lift weights dob2/21/61, very light skinned, l;m seeking corr from all walks of life and anywhere on Earth, seeking, hot queers, gays, fags, TV, TS, he-shes, closeted gays and bi sexuals, I don't smoke/drink/drugs, interested in long term friendship/relationshlp, I’m a one on one kind of guy, smokers/drinkers welcome no druggies, would love visitors, will write good hot cum dripping letters, all welcome to write, not hung up on physical types, no

DONALD L SWLARINGER A230287 Lonely W 36 bk gr 190 and like it hot and nasty, in need of correspondence and friendship, please be my valentine, will answer all replies. LARRY A LEE 179913 W 5'10 175 br bu young, healthy, single, enjoy- fast cars, motorcycles, good food, books and .movies, will answer all letters, looking for a honest and trusting long term relationship.

720

CENTRAL

AVE.

46016

ALBERT MOUIS Bi 43 rd br 150 6'

HCI RT GREEN

2 BOX 200 BOWLING FL 33834-9505

JOHN RUNGO 660739 MB897 W 37 6'2 190 lam skiing a caring/understanding person that can help me with legitimate employment and temp housing,(until such time that I can pay my own rent elsewhere) upon my release from prison in mid Dec.94, pref relocation lowa, not New England, nonsmoker/d/d, non puritan, seeking business refat. with similar person, who is financially secure.

KSP POB 128 42038-0128

EDDYVILLE

IDC IR 46064

POB 30

PENDELTON

BOBBY MCGRAW 891883 43-3-J W 20 5'8 150 br bu Bi Hiv-. I am young , attractive, muscular build, and well hung. I was born to please not tease! I enjoy all motorsports, outdoors, camping, water skiing, horseback riding, writing poetry, and country/rock music. I am very warm, sensitive, caring, and loving person, who is very lonely. I am seeking open to honest 18 to ?. Gay or Bi for friendship, correspondence, and hopefully to start a sincere, caring, loving relationship. Ifs what is inside that matters. Photo gets mine, will answer

DONNIE DUKE 106874 6012 W 160 br gn lonely, masculine, 100% top, athletic build, sincere, honest, romantic, seeking caring feminine for a long lasting relationship, give this very romantic guy a chance for a life time mate and a new life, race and age unimportant, all letters answered/. MARVIN MORTON 91984 6-B-13 W 296’0 185 ab skybu Well hung, clean, w/ good looks, passionate, caring, easygoing, romantic, and much more Released soon. All I ask for is a chance for happiness w/ a life time mate. Race and age unimportant. All letters answered

ISF 1500 WEST US GREENCASTLE IN.

40 46135-9275

G. BENTON COLLETT 873183 W 170 5’10 br br I believe there is more to love than sex and more to sex than a quick jump under the sheets, down to earth, lets be friends m/be more.

ISP POB 41 46360-0041

MICHIGAN

CITY

CARL LEE WIGGINTON 900262 27 dark-br br 5'11 182 My hobbies are hiking, fishing, swimming and all kinds of sports. I like candlelight dinners, camping, cookouts, traveling, cars, horse riding. I'm looking for a serious relationship, someone I can share my life with. Please write me, will answer all. Photo please.

JIMMY CHRISWELL 854197 B-C-H 239 W 27 5’11 185 br br Lookng lor tong term relationship. will be released soon, tove and romance, HIV neg., no games, any age or race HENRY LOWERY 6642 237 B light skinned 42 Enjoys sports, music, and poetry, seeks real person for correspondence, will answer all. lonely. BRODERICK D WESSON 922993 C-C-H-360 B 28 5*10 170 Like all kinds of music, like to cook, like old Godziila movies, like to write, easy to get along w/, 18-50 any race, HIV-., I need an outsider who's understanding w/ an open mind, will answer all, and your photo gets mine.

WVCI POB 47838

1111

CARLISLE

DERRYL X ALEXANDER 86085 B 27 released Dec 95, inside for 9 yrs, I would like to correspond with someone caring, sharing, loving and understanding, I am interested in a one on relat., we can build now for tomorrow, I am honest, open, intelligent, and hard working, I would like to operate a business one day, I will reply to all. CHARLES HALL 896031 B 28 192 lam looking to find a mate to find a lasting and meaningful relationship, enjoy bodybuilding, horesbackriding, basketball, totally top, honest, sincere, understanding, loyal, caring and most loving, if your tired of all the games P the one for you. DION MARSHALL 934772 G103 B 24 released 8-27-95,1am looking for a gay male who is loving, caring and is willing to wait for me. I'm well educated, taking classes with I.U.. I am a very handsome male who is in dying need of someone to love. If you think you are the one for me please write a.s.a.p. SCOTT McCORD 912853 SHU-B11WEST-101 Bi W 32 160 5’9 br br HIV- seeking GM from 35-50 or younger, serious, to share my true intimate with and to build a strong friendship poss. relationship, do you need someone to cuddle with at nite or take care of your sexual and sensual desires, I am very lonely. I'll make it worth your 29c . ABE MORRIS 1797 B 36 6*3 280 bk br HIV- FR A/P GR A/P straight acting, versatile, love intimacy, kissing and fondling, J/O, like to write short gay stories for entertainment, want a one on one relationship: loyal, sincere, honest and no games ! ROBERT SALLEE 920492. SHU-B11WEST-102 Bi W 23 160 br br seeking GM of any race to share intimate with and to build a friendship for a poss relationship, do you need a man to take care of your sexual and sensual desires, please write, I'm very lonely, drop me a sweet note, I'll make it worth your 29c.

515 NORTH 63901

POPLAR

BLUFF

260

73051

BILLY RAY ANDERSON 91705 B 38 6' 168 I'm a lonely black man looking for someone to write to. I'm from Dallas Texas.

OSP POB 74502

McALESTER

RICHARD JACK HILL 125062 W 30 br br 5*7 175 lonely, looking for that special someone, age and looks unimportant, what's inside is, not into head games, will answer all that write, so, please write.

BOX 7000 7000

TEXARKANA

4400

GATESVILLE

DARRYL W BELL 611583 5'10 155 emotional, seeking money and pornography,

RAMSEY I TX 77583

RT BOX

1100

ROSHARON

LAWRENCE GOINGS 405954 dob 6 3.'54 Gemini br hz 6'1 190 I like C&W music, dancing, rodeos, stockcars, football, most of all outdoor sports No drugs, no disease I smoke and drink form time to time. I will be discharged 12 12 W and I am willing to locate just about anywhere as long as I find the perfect bottom I lice to dominate in bed, but in life choose not to dictate or demand Life is short and I feel it can be happier with sharing love and understanding. I am lonely so come on sweets, drop this cowboy a line, will answer all serious letters M c C o n n e l l u n it DR BEEVILLE TX

3001 s

e m il y

78102

ICIO HOSPITAL IN 83544

BLAKE COMBE 26874 Hairy Italian 30 5'11 175 br br need photos of real men, show me what ya got, I'll write if I get hot, no Polaroid's. BILL MORGAN 33997 German/lndian 23 6'2 185 br gn released 96, lookintg for a friend now, later, I need a home, a bed, and love, anywhere in the USA, are you my man’ RICHARD WELLS 27197 C-2 W 29 5'9 brgy bu very loving, I would like to write to some people on the streets whom have the same interests as myself.

POB

250

DRAPER

84020

PETER A VASQUE2 20896 WASATCH AE H 50 5'9 160 bkgy bk very lonely, I would like to hear from everyone young and old, top or bottom, hung or not, I'm a bottom, not well hung-average, I hope to hear from all of you, will ans. all, photo if poss.

POB

100

JEAN

89026

RYAN GEORGE 39195 W 21 5’11 160 br br slim, athletic, versatile, loves country living, will answer all.

75505-

ROBERT WIEGERS 21438-044 F unit W 34 bd bu 5'8 165 with that boy next store look, incarcerated, yes a Florida snow pilot shot down by the feds.

1989

ELY

89301

DONALD LEE ALLEN 28192 B 37 5'11 175 br br short timer, caring, honest, affectionate, attractive, light complected, HIV-, loving, healthy and old fashioned, seeking someone special to share my life with, "Last of the Mohican", your photo gets mine. LLOYD D KAUFMAN 89301 W 31 bd hz 5*10 155 caring, affectionate, honest, body builder, swimmers physique, smooth, HIV-, looking for that very special life mate, released soon, I am very loving and caring, age is unimportant, lets exc. photos.

CSP POB 5002 92233-5002

CALIPATRIA

PETER ALVARDAS 35 (7/15/58) 5' br br Cancer, A.K.A. GiGi-I'm fluff, will be released next year, Mexican descent born in Texas, I'm looking tor a relationship with as man 2545yo, I'm loyal and sincere with a lover, I love going dancing to the bars and clubs, I'm in a straight prison and it’s kinda homophobic, I'm openly gay and I’m looking for a butch man, please write, I'm kinda lonely.

JESUS T SANDOVAL J-06623 A 5224 U 30 My family has cut me off I am a bom again Christian since '87 I have worked as an RN. in long beach CA I have been gay since I was i3yo I have a 13y sentence ahead of me and would really appreciate some nice pen pals to see me through this scenario. I am seeking someone in the same field as me and under 30yo.

CSP

POB

921

IMPERIAL

92251

EDWARD JENKINS D-76929 I have been in side for 8 years and am seeking someone to share my thoughts with, I have no one to talk to in here, to ease my mind when it's troubled, in a place of many I am alone. I have relatives but after I declared my sexuality to them I was ostracized, I simply need some one to talk to, please write.

WSP POB 5500

5500

WASCO

93280-

OROFINO

RAY ADAMS 36844 W 22 57 155 bd bu Wanna play ball? You pitch ril catch! I am 100% pure puff.

USP

JOHN LOUIS REX H ^ 8 0 6 1 D 3 214 20 S' br bu hobbies inc writing, drawing, painting, walking and running

COLIN BOSBY E27430 D 1 245L l am incarcerated and would love someone to write to me as a pen pal. Please write soon.

TIMOTHY RAINS 661221 18-T-85 Seeking penpals. Please write soon.

POB

LEXINGTON

BOX

EDDIE JARVIS 38311 3 i 5'10 160 bd bu seeking friend to be lover, nude photos appreciated, please write soon!

POB

RT, 2 76597

CCISP 93581

POB 1902-B TEHACHAPI

JIMMY LEE BAGGETT C-23759 W 29 5*11 180 dkbr br I am a nonsmoker, enjoy reading, writing, drawing, running, staying in shape ,l am looking for a warm, sincere, bi or gay, who can possibly bring a little sunshine into this lonely cell, please send recent photo, no Polaroid's. T J CHRISTENSEN C-08126 7C-207 37 seeking correspondence with free people. GLEN L. WHITE C30593 IC109-L W Insh Texan 36 6' 195 rd br I am in really good shape, I love playing racquetball and hope to become professional at it. I like fishing, camping, bicycling, 68 to 72 rock-n-roll, and country living. "I am very completely self-supporting all the way." "Thank everybody" that takes the time, risk, and chance of finding that true friend inside, corresponding with all of us that are just looking for a friend or companion.

MCSP

POB

409000

IONE

95640

DWAYNE B RATLIFF C-73893 B6-246-U Black and proud 36 5‘9 180 med br skin bk hair workout daily, beautiful physical cond.. conversation, books, travel, writing, from San Francisco, have a year to serve, would like to meet and correspond with nice and sincere and sincere people. FRED TOBIE E-92425 B6-246-L Black and proud 33 5"11 210 bk br workout every day, beaut phy.cond., Sci-fi, books, from San Francisco, have a year to serve, would like to meet and correspond with nice and sincere people. ROBERT EARL TYSON H 62539 A3 148 B 42 looks late 30's, out going and sincere, compassionate, sensitive and caring, seeking a warm hearted gay friend 25-40 for possible relationship, race unimportant if you think your that guy give me a try and you won’t be disappointed

CSP

POB

REPRESA

95671

CRAIG POST D-68137 A 1 126 W 312 lam good looking, intelligent and seeking a special person to spend time with upon my release.

CMFSP BOX 95696-2000

2000

VACAVILLE

EDWIN COSTIN H-41324 U wing 245 40 5'8 176 br bu hobbies include, horseback riding, camping, hiking, C/W dancing, long walks along the beach, romantic evenings in front of a fireplace with someone I love, please write soon.

Living on the body of the mountain September 25. Another full day, now near midnight. I milked the goats— I love the goats, the way Popcorn nuzzles my head and back after she has finished her food and is waiting for me to finish milking her. Walking to the school house, 1 heard a loud crashing in the forest, like a stone falling from heaven, but there was nothing there. On the way back I began to pick up cans in the space between the road and our dnve. Suddenly I saw a two and a half foot black snake moving right toward me. It was as if I was invading his space. I told him I was just there to get the trash that people threw from their cars, and then I would leave, but he just kept coming straight for me. Funny, I have had several strange experiences in that same small track of land. It is where Sylvan and I saw those locals drive by and stare almost a year ago. It is where he and I spent hours trying to fix our water pipe. It's where some drunken horseback riders slashed the water pipe. And it's where Triel and I meditated on safe space after cleaning up the tarry ashes of fifteen tires that some local folks had burned on our drive almost two years ago. In my room: I was about to go out and sleep on Chestnut Ridge, but as I wrote, it started to rain, down pour, with drumming of rain on tin roof. The day was different, with a mythical lurking; the woods, inviting yet warning. I saw reptiles and rodents: feeding the goats this morning a mouse ran up my arm from the feed bin, and beneath a rock was a blue-tailed skink. Pay attention to the beasts, the lights in the room— wind coming through screened windows— flicker as though they are in a romance novel. I will read and fall asleep, and then the cabin will burn down.

by jannathan falling long August 19. I gather the mullein we harvested in Colorado and take it to the back porch. There Sandy and I melt wax to drizzle it over the stalks to make tapers. The wax is from candle dnppings I have collected for two years. All those colors and shapes thrown together, it looks like a used gum collection until it melts into a murky dark purple liquid. Two year's worth of night scraps fuse together, like memory, and are soaked into the spongy dry mater of the mullein stalks. It's just after five and Sandy is making dinner with a pair of scissors! He was taught this technique of raw food preparation while interning on Waldren Island, off the coast of Washington this summer. It’s still summer here of course, and I twitch my skin at the landing of flies. An ant explores the open page of this journal. I drink a beer and fall into a heated, stupporish sleep. As I do, I think of my typewriter on the desk. It seems awake, as though it is contemplating something mischievous once I fall asleep. 1 think to myself, part of the goodness of the manual typewriter is it’s badness.

September 29. After sauna last night, I retreated to the new deck, body steaming outstretched, naked in the powerful moonlight. Still, warm, but_ sensitive to breeze, making worlds of the clouds lit by moon. Infinity. Sacred flowering in the water dot splashes on my eyelids. Body spinning, apparently, on a table of earth, blind beauty.

August 22. Today I went to the school house, two miles away to make calls, and upon returning walked the broken water line with Sylvan, who is always so good at asking others along on walks. We went to the top, fighting incline, spider webs and new growth, sliding most of the way. At the spring box we discovered that the tank there was full. That meant there was an air lock somewhere along the line. Tacky, our wonderful sheep dog-mutt, had come with us, at first lomping behind, uncertainly, then plowing along in front of us, almost kindly oblivious. Occasionally she would stop at random, right in front of me and not move, even though it was the only plausible footstep for me to take. I would have to walk over her or else call her to get her to move. Later Sylvan and I were right by the road and we sucked on the line like it’s a blow job or something for a good twenty minutes. At one point Mish drove by and delivered our mail as we worked on it. But still no water flow. We went further up, where we'd fixed the pipe last winter and sure enough it was flowing there when we opened up the line. But below, still nothing. Then, sucking eventually brought a mouth full of water that would trickle to nothing after a second or so. After an hour, we got it going. On the way back down, I picked up aluminum cans. The previous summer, I figured, Trie! and I had picked up about two thousand just from along the road. That's nearly forty dollars! August 28. Typewriters cast the longest shadow's from lantern light. The lanterns are full, I just returned from that task, and now I polish the typewriter keys with the Lastly evaporating kerosene on my fingers. Full lanterns burn no brighter than almost empty ones, but those last minutes of fuel, there’s a fumey dullness that ends in an ink spot of carbon and a thin red line of wick. In winter you can warm your hands by the lanterns, like a tanning lamp after a shower. September 9. Morning, and how can I not pause to reflect on this 7 am splendor? I see the fog blanketed yard from my bed. drenched air as though it were steam baths. Two tiny birds jumping from limb to limb on the two-year-old tree at the upper garden. I do not know the bird's species, nor the tree's. As we talk of the community center, I realize that this room, this view, may be gone soon. So. I see these are temporary holy moments not just these quiet mornings, but all the time in this room.

September 30. Morning meditation: the sounds in the distance created by the space between trees, the space between hollows, all become echoed beyond recognition. The air swells with resonance, but where the sounds come from, and how far they have traveled is indeterminable: a gun shot way far away turns out to be a car door closing; the radio station in the kitchen turns out to be people talking on the porch. It is the gathering, and the air is busy, transmitting the bustle. The spring gatherings are noisier, but the fall gatherings, with the falling foliage and stiller air, are louder. Kulaya taught me one day by the bon fire how the mountain changes through the season, how a drum beat in spring sounds different than when it beats in winter. And here now. the choir of men mingling between their activities, these beautiful love-brothers, do sound different than they do in the spring. Rise Greg, I think to myself, and he instantly stirs. I wash away any fears of failure, of upcoming work, and fall into the rapture of the clear sky, the cold air. October 2. This time dusk came after an exhausting torrent of work and a thirty mile bike ride. Dusk, and the sweaty heat of the late October day. There had been a shower earlier but this had not cooled things down. In reverse, it had drenched the hot air with a sticky vapor. It was not one of those late afternoon thunderstorms that clears the air of responsibility and struggle. It came in the early afternoon, right before I started biking, and hovered afterward so that the late night sun could bake it. So there I was exhausted, stumbling forward with my bicycle up the steep slope of Short Mountain, toward home, still an hour away. The heat from my body steamed my glasses, making me feel it was darker than it was. Vision became a lesser sense, and the desire to move at all was vague, uncertain. The light of dusk looked like a flashlight on it’s last hour of power. It folded over and over, darker each time. There was such resistance, but the only thing that moved me forward, half into the unseeable, was the thought that there was no place to sleep along the road. The spurring of home. Dream-like the feeling could to be a little unpleasant and still so neutrally unavoidable. Foot bones grinding against tar and rock. The body a carcass, but the mind still jolting it forward with electric impulses. Fog, penumbra, and the folly of illusion were all born from exhaustion. Again, I was on the night journey, homeward. I was taking the road, out of the city, and back into the dark woods, to home,. What did home mean? It meant simply home. Regardless of the mosquitoes, the throbbing plants, the sticky weather, the shabby familiarity, it was the place to be.

g j R v e w x g C o n f e s s io n s o f a G ay G a r d e n e r

by G eorge B althazaar.

Ibis issue w e w elcom e George B a lth a za a r to the p ages o f RFD. George lives ou tsid e o f M elbom e, A u stra lia

Being su rro u n d e d by h undreds o f trees and shrubs, I am alw ays delighted to find plants that have sperm scented flow ers o r leaves. And w hat h o n est gay m an w o u ld n 't be delighted? After all, sexuality is beautiful, an d it's so lovely to sit still an d co n tem p late the rom antic w orld o f plants. Did you k now plants have vaginas an d penises, just as h u m an s do? This was first discovered by Rudolf Jak o b Cam erarius, w ho p u b lish ed his "Die Scxu Plantorum Epistula" in 1694. N eedless to say at the time p eo p le w ere very sh o ck ed to find the plants w ere sexy too, until a g en eratio n later it w as finally accep ted that plants did indeed have sexual organs.

Let me now sh are w ith you som e know ledge ab o u t my favorites sperm scen ted plants: C a r o b ( C eraton ia siliqua) is a beautiful evergreen tree, u p to fifteen m eters in height. The blossom s o ccu r late sum m er to early au tu m n ...p u re sperm The scent is best on a warm, dry, su n n y day. T he ripe po b s, w hich o ccu r on female trees, can be delicately roasted and p o u n d ed into caro b p o w d er — a d elicious ch o co late substitute.

T here was a cover-up though. U nfortunately, prudish eig h teen th cen tu ry estab lish m en t b u ried plan t sexuality u n d e r a m ountain of scientific a n d Latin jargon, w hich still persists to this day. A plant's penis an d glans becam e "filament" an d "anther"— m aking up the "stam en." The labiate vulva becam e the "stigma" an d the vagina a "style" — b o th co m p o n en ts o f the "pistil." And, of course, p la n t sperm w e com m only call "pollen."

B a r b e r r y ( flerheris th u n b erg iii "A tropurpureas,f), a lovely, d ro u g h t resistant d ecid u o u s shrub, u p to tw o m eters. The leaves turn a m arvelous red-purple in au tum n — q u ite a sp ectacu lar sight. The yellow spring flow ers have a very stro n g no te of sperm in their scent, not absolutely pure, b u t still u n m istak ab le. The little acidic berries an d thorny b ran ch es attract sm all birds.

T he po llen o f m any plants sm ells just like the sem en o f h u m an s an d anim als. This sho u ld com e as no surprise to us b ecau se plant sperm perform s exactly the sam e functions in p lan ts as hum an sperm does in hum ans.

S p a n is h C h e s tn u t ( C astanea sativa). My boyfriend d iscovered this species for me. The long calkins ap p ear in early sum m er. Pure sperm . Scent is best on hot, dry, su n n y days. T hese attractive d ecid u o u s trees, u p to thirty meters, have b een know n to live several th o u san d years. The nuts can be roasted. Very delicious. H ow ever, care sh o u ld be taken w hen roasting, because the nuts will ex p lo d e in your o v en if the skins are n o t first carefully scored with a knife. If you o p en e d the d o o r at the w rong time you could be b lin d ed by ex p lo d in g ch e stn u t if the correct p recau tio n s w ere n o t taken.

Sick a n d tired o f heicrosexism , I recently intuited that like h um ans, plants m ust practice hom osexuality too. And why n o t’ Bees and birds d o m ore than just sp read plan t sperm from p lan t penis to plan t vagina, they spread sperm from o n e plan t penis to an o th e r plant penis as well. Having th eo rized this, I then proved it q u ite easily by deliberately sp read in g pollen from o n e stam en to a n o th e r stam en, w ith my finger as 'gay -pollinator.' Insects, such as bees m oths an d butterflies, birds an d even sm all m arsupials perform this hom o sex u al "pollination" all the time.

Lad's L ove (A rtem isia aboratan un i). This is a pretty little peren n ial herb with feathery b lu e leaves, it has also been called "M aiden's Ruin", an allusion top its som ew hat sperm y scent. O n ce a p o p u la r strew ing herb, it w as u sed especially in b ed ro o m s, ap p aren tly for its "ap h ro d isiac" properties. T urner w rote o f la d 's Love in 1551 "... so m e holde th at this h erb e layde b u t u n d e r a m annes b o lster pro v o k eth men to the m ultiplying o f their kind." This h erb d o es have a no te o f sperm in its scent, mixed w ith a rather ap ple-cham om ile fragrance, w hich together arc very pleasan t an d p robably w hy it was o n ce included in posies of flow ers that lovers w o u ld give. It is very easy to grow from cuttings in w inter, an d it is suitable for p o t cultivation. This herb is su p p o sed to drive aw ay snakes, cure bald n ess and repel fm it fly U nfortunately, I still have snakes in my garden, my hair is thinning and the fruit fly rem ains a pest. The scen t is released by sim ply crushing the leaves at any time of year (jjj

A h etero sexist "scientific" a p p ro a ch w ould p ro b ab ly dism iss this plant hom osexuality as being m erely "incidental" to fertilization. But I say o therw ise. I say hom osexual biological p h en o m en a are hom osexual biological p h en o m en a. It exists. I also have a strong suspicion that plants practice lesbianism too, b u t have yet to prove it absolutely. 1 reason, though, that a lesbian w ould be the best person to define lesbianism am o n g st plants, as the processes w ould be clearer to her. W hile n o t b eing a scientist myself, an d w hilst n o t claim ing to have b een the fist to observe hom osexuality in plants, I say w e sh o u ld at least be aw are of this p h en o m en o n , an d that it sh o u ld be p rese n ted in the school laboratory, along with d em o n stratio n s o f hetero sex u al "fertilization."

WATERMELON

P IC K L E S

8 c. prepared watermelon rind 1/2 c. pickling salt 4 c. cold water 1 T. whole allspice 1 t. whole cloves 4 c. sugar or 3 c. honey 2 c. white vinegar 2 c. water Choose thick rind. Trim from it all dark skin and remains of pink flesh; cut in 1-inch cubes. Dissolve salt in cold water, pour it over rind cubes to cover (add more water if needed) ; let stand 5 to 6 hours. Drain, rinse well. Cover with fresh water and cook until barely tender— no more than 10 minutes (err on the side of crisp ness) ; drain. Combine sugar or honey, vinegar, and water, add cloves tied in a cloth bag, and bring to boiling; reduce heat and simmer for 5 minutes. Pour over rind cubes, let stand over night. Bring all to boiling and cook until rind is translucent but not at all mushy— about 10 minutes. Remove spice bag, pack cubes in hot sterilized pint jars; add boiling sirup, leaving 1/2 inch of headroom; adjust lids. Process in boiling-water bath for 5 minutes to ensure seal. Remove jars and complete seals if necessary. Makes about 4 pints.

Greetings, I hope all of you are doing just fine and made it through the summer. Goddess, what a wet summer! My poor garden almost floated away. If I'd known there was going to be so much rain, I'd have planted rice. I'm sure I would have harvested a bumper crop by now. One thing I thing fresh country boy, and relishes and relishes of summer on

always miss in the winter is some out of the garden. Being an o l ' there were always lots of pickles on the table. I still can pickles every year. It's sort of like a jar my winter table.

This time, I thought I'd pass along some of my recipes for pickles and one for a tomato and pear chutney. The first one is for watermelon rind pickles— a page out of my childhood. The next is for a zucchini pickle which is very similar to a bread and butter pickle. Usually just before the first frost, I gather all my green tomatoes, sweet and hot peppers, and coarse-chop them with some onions and make a green tomato relish witV» this same recipe. The third recipe is for a fresh pear and ripe tomato chutney. It's guaran teed to be good with a hot curry dish on a cold winter's evening.

ZUCCHINI PICKLES 2 qt. thin slices unpeeled, small zucchini squash 2 med. onions, peeled and thinly sliced 1/4 c. salt 2 c. vinegar 2 c. sugar or 1-1/2 c. honey 1 t. celery seed 2 t. mustard seed 1 t. turmeric 1/2 t. dry mustard Combine zucchini and onions. Sprinkle with the salt, cover with cold water and let stand 2 hours. Drain; rinse with fresh water, and drain again. Combine remaining ingredients in an enamelware kettle and bring to boiling. Cook 2 minutes. Add zucchini and onions, remove from heat, and let stand 2 hours. Bring again to boiling and cook 5 minutes. Ladle hot into hot sterilized pint jars, and process in a boilingwater bath for 5 minutes to ensure a seal. Makes about 4 pints. Continued on Page 18

A typical puff paste dough contains flour, water, and a bit of salt, plus the rolled-in butter. Additions to the dough include lemon juice (which is used to "mellow" the gluten) and a fat of some kind (to lubricate the gluten). All-in-all, however, it is a very simple dough. The flour used must be of a good quality patent. Whole wheat is not very suitable for this type of product (may the goddess save me!) as the gluten is not of a fine enough quality and the large particles, notably bran, would cause the layers to rupture, resulting in a loss of some leavening power. The dough is mixed and developed a little. You don't want to overdevelop the dough as the process of rolling in the butter will cause sufficient gluten development. After the dough is mixed it is weighed and set to rest for 20 minutes or so. This and the subsequent rest periods are important in that they allow the gluten proteins to relax. Whatever the weight of the dough, you take half that weight in butter. The butter m ust be plastic, not brittle, as when it just comes out of the refrigerator. It is very important that the butter is the same consistency as the dough, the same degree of hardness. You can knead the butter under cool water to obtain the desired plasticity. In cooler weather, it can simply be left out, but in most cases, this will be too warm. You don't want the butter to melt into the dough, nor do you want the opposite, which is to say that the butter breaks off into little pieces, tearing the dough. Remember all those layers! They are thin, fragile and easily tom. What you want is for the butter to â&#x20AC;&#x153;sheetâ&#x20AC;?, to roll out into layers with the dough. Here are some other significant things to remember: 1 .It is very important to roll as evenly as possible, so that you build up even, thin layers. The dough should be the same thickness throughout. Uneven layering causes the final product to be uneven in shape, i.e. some parts rise more than others. 2 .Keep the rolled (rolling!) dough as rectangular as possible. Square comers are the order of the day here. You do not want to create parts of the dough that are not layered with fat, for reasons similar to tt 1. 3 .The dough must be kept, at all times, belo h- the melting point of butter. The fat must stay solid in order for this to work. For this reason, the dough is allowed to relax in the refrigerator. 4 .Do not slam the dough with the rolling pin to flatten it. This causes the layers to rupture. 5 .When cutting out the desired shapes, use a sharp knife so that the layers on the edge are cut clean and not squeezed together. 6 .Do not use excessive dusting flour: get by with as little as possible. Overdusting is a common fault. 7 . If the dough is to be left in the fridge overnight or longer, it is advisable to paint the top with a thin coating of oil to prevent crusting of the dough surface. S . Products made from puff paste should be baked at 400 to 415 degrees. Cooler ovens cause the gluten to set before the dough has a chance to rise to its greatest potential. So, you make the dough. Recipes abound. Keep it on the soft side and underdeveloped. Form into a rectangle after weighing, and place in the refrigerator for 15 minutes or so while you prepare the butter. If you have a good mixer, a cold water bath underneath the mixing bowl would work. In any event, get the butter to a plastic state and put it in the cooler while you remove the dough, which will be rolled out into a rectangle. How large depends on the quantity being made. A 1/2" thickness is good. Spread the butter on the right 2/3rds of the dough. One easy way is to roll the butter out between sheets of oven paper. It should not quite come to the edge of the dough. Brush away a il excess flour. Fold the unbuttered (left) 1/3 over the center 1/3, then the right 1/3 over the center, making sure to keep all edges square and to brush away excess flour. Now, turn the dough perpendicular to itself and roll the whole enchilada out to about 1/2" thickness. Mentally divide the rectangle into thirds, widthwise. Brush away all flour. Fold the dough as you did above thusly ending up the same size piece before rolling, hopefully. Congratulations, you have just completed tw o tu rn s. Place the dough in the fridge to rest for 20 minutes. Ok, ready for more? remove the dough from the cooler, placing it perpendicularly to the way it was after folding, roll out, fold in thirds again, keeping the whole dough as even in thickness and as rectangular (square comers) as possible. Brush away all flour before folding. (I know I am being repetitive, but for good reasons). Now you have 3 turns. You will need a total of 6. Rest inbetween turns. This process produces an amazing 2025 layers of dough and butter. Pretty nifty, uh?

Well, I'm sure so m e of you were in the Big Apple for the very gay festivities this past June. And what a time it was between the Games, the Conference, and the Parade. Hot as it was, my oven was on a'baking sustenance and a little fun too! Quite a time was had by all. We are something!! Now the weather is getting cooler and the prospect of cranking the oven more appealing. And the topic of this issue's column, lamination, is definitely an item best made in fall(ing) temperatures. Why, you ask? What is lamination anyway? Read on, gentle bakermen! As far as I can recall (which for those who know me is not very far), there are 5 methods of leavening, which Webster defines as "a substance used to make baked goods rise." They are: 1 .panary (yeast), 2 .chemical (baking powder, etc.), 3 .lamination (layering), 4 .bacterial (salt-rising bread, for example), and 5 .mechanical (kneading, egg whites). It is interesting to note that, in bread making, mechanical aeration of the dough is of paramount importance in the creation of cells into which the carbon dioxide gas given off by the yeast gets trapped causing the dough to rise. In other words, yeast cannot create these cells. Anyhow, I know that you are still wondering what this lamination thang is, so let's cut to the quick. Lamination is the layering of fat and a dough used to create a leavening action. Puff paste, like that used in apple turnovers, is entirely leavened by lamination. Danish and croissant use a combination of panary and lamination. In these products, a relatively soft dough is made, shmeared evenly with butter (or a roll-in blend, a horrid, hydrogenated concoction), folded in a prescribed manner, then put through a succession of rollings and more foldings which create a manyÂ layered dough. Similar to pie crusts, the layers of fat keep the layers of dough separate from each other. When the item is placed in the oven, water from the fat, and from the dough, turns to steam, which is caught in the layered-gluten matrix, thereby causing the dough to expand. The difference from pie crusts is that these doughs have a well-developed gluten, something undesirable in crusts. The folding and rolling process will produce from 500 to 2200 alternate layers of dough and fat, depending on how many 'turns' (one set of folding and rolling) that the dough is given. These products are truly for flaky people, or at least made by them! Since puff paste is leavened solely by lamination, I will focus on it, leaving danish and croissant doughs for another time.

This dough can be used right away, after a suitable resting period, to make turnovers, vol-au-vents, bouchees and the like. It can also be stored in the refrigerator or even frozen for future use. In this last event, allow the dough to reach room temperature naturally, assuming it is not 100 degrees in your kitchen! After making up the desired pastry, allow the units to rest and relax before baking, this type of dough likes to take it easy inbetween the hard work of being rolled and stretched! References:

THE NEW INTERNATIONAL CONFECTIONER edited by: Wilfred J. Fance Virtue Sc Company Limited Ix>ndon, Dublin, and Coulsdon

PRACTICAL BAKING by: William J Sultan AVI Publishing Company Wesport,Conneticut

BAKING: SCIENCE AND TECHNOLOGY, VOL 2.

3 c. sliced peeled pears 3 c. peeled, quartered tomatoes 1 med. green pepper, seeded and chopped 1 med. onion, peeled and chopped 1-1/4 c. sugar or 1 c. honey 1 c. water 1/2 c. vinegar 1 t. salt 1/2 t. ground ginger 1/2 t. dry mustard 1/8 t. cayenne pepper 1 canned pimento, chopped

by: E. J. Pyler Seibel Publishing Company Chicago, Illinois * «** +»*+******* *******»****#+*********** ****** I thought it would be a fun departure from the usually technical nature of this column to pu together one Filled with your favorite recipes. If you are a regular reader, you might recall my numerous requests for such. To date, however, I have only received 5 recipes, one of which is my own, and one of which is in Swedish (no kidding!). If you have a moment, do drop instructions for something delicious in the mail, recipes using natural ingredients would be especially appreciated since many of my readers request more information on this type of baking. Mail your delectables to: Peter Baker P.O.Box 554 N.Y.C., N.Y.

Combine ingredients in order in a heavy kettle, except the pimento. Bring to boiling, stirring occasionally. Reduce heat and simmer slowly about 1 hour, stirring frequently. Break up pears and tomatoes with the edge of a spoon. Add the pimento and cook 5 minutes longer. Pour hot into hot sterilized jars, adjust lids, and process in a boiling-water bath for 5 minutes to ensure the seal. Makes about 2 pints.

10025-0554

HAPPY BAKING. BROTHERS

BAKER'S BUNS IS MY FAVORITE COLUMN, AND I THANK TOE GODDESS I HAVE A SUBSCRIPT ION TO RFD. I TS DELIVERED TO MY TREE EACH SEASON! ONLY $18 FOR THE YEAR,OR $34 FOR TWO YEARS. WHERE IS MY BANANA??

Well, I guess I'll say so long for now. Hope you'll give these recipes a try. Until next time, be good to yourselves and to each other.

Country Aug. 7, 1994 Dear

Sylvan,

There's good cold wind and a mosaic of fog and dense cloud continually shifting and weaving all over the city. 1 like it a lot. The cat named Simon is peering in through the window. It's late afternoon. Sunflowers and dark purple gladiola are in a vase. My water is boiling for making millet. I've been hiding inside so far today, taking a break from the city. I ate way too many cookies that Suzanne made last night while we watched an Agatha Christie movie on the TV, and slept hardly at all as a result of it. But 1 feel good today anyhow. Yesterday I played piano for a while at a used bookstore in the Mission district, and then bought 3 books as the place was having a sale on all books. So I was sitting at this cafe on Polk Street having ginseng tea and I just ended up having this long animated discussion with the stranger to my left. We talked about psychotherapy and the body and friendships and...how exciting. That's what I love about San Francisco. That's what I love about people. I have been thinking a little bit about how boys become men, and what that means. What is a man? What are the marks of maturity? Certainly not the juvenile narcissism which is so pervasive among men both gay and straight in this culture. I think it has something to do with that topic that is so much a part of our conversations together, namely emotional openness and comfort and commitment. Boys run from connection, men settle into it without regard to fear of doing so. Men can be any age whatsoever, and boys can betoo. How does the process happen? What hinders it? What helps it? Are there false expressions of manhood, such as machismo, which actually cover over an underlying fearfulness of really being expressive and open? I have been eating mangoes and getting hugs and walking a huge labyrinth mandala in the huge Episcopal Cathedral at the top of Nob Hill and eating burritos and organic grapes and pricey sweet things at cafes. Tomorrow the plan is to go to 2 different queer-positive rock and roll vaguely Christian churches. One of them I've been to several times and it's really an ecstatic trip with everybody shaking their groove thangs. I have been missing the quiet of the mountain and of course 11 think of you and think of how fun it would be for you to explore this city. Iâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;m trying to save money and take delight in the things San Francisco has to offer all at the same time. I send you a lot of love, of course and smiles and a hug. Hope you are well and introspective and at ease.

15 - August '94 Dearest

Robin,

Awakened this morning and made my way out of bed, out of a pair of beautiful, strong, wrestling arms. Ate pancakes and drank several cups of coffee before starting my day and saying good-byes to some people who had been visiting. Spent the morning with Yaron helping cast off five gallons of elderberry wine I had made the previous summer, delighting in the smooth sweetness of the deep purple liquid which had spent the past year fermenting in the root cellar. Next on to the processing of five more gallons of blueberry wine Yaron and I started a little over a week ago. I find myself in a mellowly contented mood thinking of the flow of life. Of how people drift into our lives, connections are made and theydrift back out; for a moment, a week, years, or a lifetime. I found it interesting in your letter the thoughts you were pondering on men and their emotions. Of late 1 have been thinking about love, sex and intimacy. Thinking of how I define these things for me. Of the way they play themselves out and how this affects our emotions, and how they operate separately from one another as well as how they interplay. What is "making love?" Is it just an aspect of the sexual, sensual side of life, or can it be an entire approach to life? An outlook for every situation you find yourself in, from the simple task of washing dishes to the erotically charged passions o f a sexual connection.

Robin P.S. Go have a little conversation with the corn and let them know I love them too. This earth, these rocks, this air â&#x20AC;&#x201D; our bodies.

1 have been missing you greatly during your time in San Francisco. 1 look forward to your return to the mountain, the daily interaction in my life, massage exchanges, late nights drinking hot tea and deep conversations on life and what it all means. Safe travels.

Guess thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all for now. Much love, Sylvan

Later.

Blessed Be, I hope all is well with you. Now that the searing heat of summer is behind us, I'm sure we'll all enjoy some cooler weather. Here in the deep south, we had one of the wettest summers I can recall. I'm glad all of that is behind us now. It's time for some crisp evenings and the brilliant color spectacular of fall. October gets off to a real good start. On the evening of the 6th there will be a line up of four heavenly bodies. To the south (left) of where the sun went down, Mercury will be just above the horizon with the crescent moon above and right of it. Just above and left of the moon will be Jupiter. And just above and left of it will be Venus. The next evening, on the 7th, the moon will have moved up to be just above Venus. If you're at the Short Mountain fall gathering, you'd have a great view of it. A couple of days later, on the 9th, we'll pass through the Draconid meteor shower. It will peak about 10:00 PM EDT and they will be coming out of the north east at a rate of about 10 per hour. Later in the month, on the evening of the 14th, retrograd ing Venus will come back to conjunct Jupiter again. Last month when they conjuncted, Europe got to see it. This time, the best place to see it will be Hawaii or Alaska. This won't be a close conjunction, but they will appear as twin stars. It should be quite beautiful. Also, on that same evening, the moon will be conjuncting Saturn. It will be right and above Saturn. The next evening, on the 15th, it will be to the left and above Saturn. On the morning of the 20th, we will pass through the Orionid meteor shower. It will peak about 5:00 AM EDT and they will be coming out of the south at a rate of 10-70 per hour. This meteor shower is associated with Halley's comet. The early morning of the 28th, the waning crescent moon will be conjuncting Mars. The exact conjunction will be at 4:51 AM EDT. The moon will be to the right of Mars.

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November gets off to a grand start with a total eclipse of the sun on the 3rd. There's just one catch. The only land it passes over will be Madagascar and the southern tip of Africa. As near as I can calculate, the best place to see it will be at Maputo, Mozambique, or Mbabane, 20

for above-ground crops in 10, 11, 15, and 16. The below-ground crops are 2, 30, and 31.

Swaziland. Meseru, Lesotho, or Mahajanga, Madagascar, would do as alternate places. I don't guess many of us will get to see this one. The only other place to see it might be the Oil Islands, to the south of the Maldives. The next evening, the 4th, the thin crescent new moon will be conjuncting Jupiter right on the horizon. This will be the last day Jupiter will be visible as an evening star. The morning of the 9th, Venus will reappear as a morning star. That evening around midnight EST, the Taurid meteor shower will be at its peak. They will be coming out of the south at a rate of 5-15 per hour. The evening of the 11th, the moon will be conjuncting Saturn. The moon will be left and above Saturn. The morning of the 16th, we'll be passing through the Leonid meteor shower. It will peak about 5:00 AM EST and will be coming out of the south at a rate of 5-20 per hour. Late the evening of the 17th, there will be a penumbral eclipse of the moon that will be visible throughout North America and Hawaii. The moon enters the penumbra at 11:26 PM EST (8:26 PM PST) on the 17th. The middle occurs at 1:44 AM EST on the 18th (10:44 PM PST). The moon leaves penumbra at 4:02 AM EST (1:02 AM PST on the 18th). The morning of the 25th the moon will be conjuncting Mars. The moon will be right and below Mars. If you live on the west coast, the actual conjunction will be at 6:47 AM PST and will be almost directly overhead. The evenings of the 25th, 26th, and 27th we will be passing through the Andromidid meteor shower. It will peak about 10:00 PM EST. They will be coming out of the south at a rate of about 10 per hour. We end the month with the moon conjuncting Venus the morning of the 30th. The moon will be right and above Venus. The actual conjunction takes place at 6:51 AM CST.

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December starts off with Jupiter reappearing as a morning star the morning of the 1st. The old waning crescent moon will be conjuncting it. The moon will be above and left of Jupiter. The evening of the 8th the moon will be conjuncting Saturn. The actual conjunction takes place at 7:14 PM EST with Saturn sitting directly under the moon and will be almost overhead. The early morning of the 13th, we'll pass through the Geminid meteor shower. It will peak about 2:00 AM EST and they will be coming out of the south at a rate of 50-80 per hour. The next week on the morning of the 22nd we'll be passing through the Ursid meteor shower. It will peak about 5:00 AM EST and they will be coming out of the north, at a rate of 10-15 per hour. Early the morning of the 23rd the moon will conjunct Mars. The actual conjunction takes place at 4:42 AM EST with Mars sitting on top of the moon. To end the year, on the morning of the 29th just before dawn, Jupiter will be sitting on the horizon. The old crescent moon will be slightly above and left of it. Sitting just to the left and above the moo will be Venus. What a nice way to end stargazing of 1994. Well, I guess that's about it for this time. I hope all of you have a glorious autumn and I look forward to seeing you this winter. Till then, take care of yourselves and may love be the wind beneath your wings.

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The best planting days for above-ground crops in December are 4, 5, 8, 9, 10, 13, 14, and 15. The best days for below-ground crops are 1, 18, 19, 20, 23, 24, 25, 26, 27, 28, and 31. 21

The rotation from yin to yang enables HIV to seek its own balance in relationship to the host organism. Rather than treating the virus from an allopathic "kill or be killed, search and destroy" perspective, the formula facilitates HIV's own natural ability to adapt to rather than destroy the host organism. Rotating the herbs in sequence causes the virus to progressively shift from a state of aggressive yang to one of non-lethal yin. Rather than remaining separate from the organism, HIV is brought into balance with the host and is no longer a threat to it The very underpinnings of the Chinese medical theorem operate from the principle that change is a constant factor. The practitioner must find a way to consciously direct this change. If when HIV was first identified it had been studied from this perspective, a treatment model might have emerged based upon cooperation of all the elements within the living organism to support the body's evolution toward an actual state of balance and health. Such an approach allows the virus to cooperate with the host and seek its own non-lethal balance within it. Much of Chinese medicine has abandoned its original perspective and is now practiced in an allopathic context. Western application of the Chinese model in particular is often practiced with a main goal being finding effective toxins to HIV. Such a perspective was involved in the development of Compound Q, the chemotherapeutic drug derived from trichosanthes root The ancient Chinese principle of administering herbs and substances in a consciously organized pattern to bring about harmony between a virus and its host has not been previously applied to the case of HIV. The herbs in this formula are not the only natural substances that can support the virus in progressively adapting to a non-lethal form. This is merely one suggested formula that over a specific range of time should bring about the desired result. However, until knowledge of the Chinese principle underlying correct application of substances is diversified and understood, it is best to stick to these four herbs and to take them in the manner described below.

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^//paling O f ^\ids A channeled formula based on Chinese medical principles edited by Jason Serinus, editor of Psychoimmunity & the Healing Process

(3rd Edition, Celestial Arts Publishers) Introduction This channeled formula consists of four Western and Eastern anti viral herbs: echinacea root, chapparal leaf, trichosanthes root (Chinese cucumber root, the basis for the drug Compound Q), and dong quai. The herbs are administered in a specific rotational sequence at low dosage non-toxic concentrations, and taken in either herbal or homeopathic form for an extended period of time. The purpose for taking the herbs in this manner is to speed up HIV's natural cycle of progressive adaptation until it eventually adapts to a non-lethal (nonpathogcnic) state. The formula is believed to affect all strains of HIV. The principles guiding this formula derive from Chinese medical theory. Administration should be monitored and adjusted by a practitioner of Chinese medicine whose skill in pulse diagnosis is an essential element of the formula's success. It is not wise to use this formula without such monitoring and input.

The formula facilitates HIV's own natural As long as allergies to the herbs are not present, they are generally considered non-toxic in the concentrations suggested. While chapparal has been removed from much of the U.S. commercial market by the FDA, presumably because of potential toxicity, reports of toxic reactions to it, especially in concentrations as mild as those recommended below, are extremely rare. Suggestions for how to safeguard against such reactions follow. As for trichosanthes root, persons who consume it are cautioned against subsequent use of the drug Compound Q. Qingcai Zhang. M.D., who first introduced Compound Q (derived from trichosanthes root) to the United States, warns that prior use of trichosanthes root can create a sensitivity to Q which may result in shock if the drug is administered at a later time. This formula is believed effective when taken in combination with drugs and substances such as AZT, Septra, antifungals, vitamins, DNCB, other herbs, etc... It is essential to combine the intake of toxic drugs with such time-honored methods of detoxification as a cleansing diet, detoxification baths, low temperature saunas, and colonic cleansing. For information on detoxification, the principles of Chinese medicine, and the intuitive channeling process, please refer to

Psychoimmunity & the Healing Process. This experimental formula is part of an ongoing research project into the prevention and healing of AIDS. It is presented solely for educational and research purposes and in no way is meant to replace diagnosis and treatment by qualified health practitioners. Please consult with an appropriate health care provider before pursuing this or any course of treatment. Theoretical Basis for the Formula

Cellular and Humoral Immunity

The herbs in this formula have been chosen from a Chinese medical perspective for their specific impact upon HIV. Rotating the herbs between the cooling (yin) herbs echinacea, trichosanthes and chapparal, and the warming (yang) herb dong quai, is essential to the formula's success.

Many recent scientific studies, both in vitro and in animals and humans, have discovered the difference between two forms of immunity, cellular immunity and humoral immunity. (Humoral immunity stimulates the production of antibodies). Researchers believe that these two forms of immunity are cross-inhibitory; whatever 22

stimulates cellular immunity inhibits humoral immunity, and whatever stimulates humoral immunity inhibits cellular immunity. Some populanzers of this information, noting that cellular rather than humoral immunity is impaired in HIV-positive people and that only stimulation of cellular immunity can control the opportunistic infections which cause disease progression, assert that any substance that represses cellular immunity in HIV-positive individuals should only be used by them in nominal concentrations for short periods of time. Because many herbs, vitamins, and drugs stimulate antibody production, their long-term use in high concentrations (except for PCP prophylaxis) has been frowned upon. This conclusion is based solely upon an allopathic model. This herbal formula addresses healing in HIV-positive individuals from a Chinese context; the herbs have been chosen specifically for their Chinese medical effect upon the virus. Since the perspective of allopathic western medicine fundamentally differs from that of holistic Chinese medicine, literal application of the allopathic model of cellular vs. humoral immunity is not appropriate in this very different context. Nor is there concern over long-term use; the suggested low dosage concentration of the herbs in the formula are not considered toxic to the host overall. The various anti-viral herbs in the formula will have broad ranges of impact upon the host as regards cellular and humoral immunity. Sometimes there will be a stimulus of cellular immunity and sometimes its repression. However, when cellular immunity is repressed, the factor that is important to note is that because the molecular structure of the herb parallels that of the retrovirus itself, the very immune-suppressing factors of the virus will be fundamentally replicated by molecular components within the herb. Because HIV and the herb both repress cellular immunity, a chelating effect will occur upon regular ingestion in which the molecular structure of the herb and virus will bind together. This will force the virus to adapt to another form or stage. This will often also produce antibodies, but these

repressors, a protein that is produced during the time period of pregnancy to keep the fetal tissues from being rejected as a foreign agency. The Role of the Practitioner Knowledge of Chinese medicine and pulse diagnosis are essential to the appropriate application of this formula In order to bring the body into balance, it is ideal to begin with the cooling herbs, especially if an individual has "heat" symptoms such as infections with fevers, redness, thirsty or dry mouth, overheating at night, or the inflammation often present during more advanced stages of AIDS. However, cooling herbs can possibly aggravate symptoms when the body is already in a cold state. If someone has "cold" symptoms such as being cold all the time, weak digestion, or "deficiency diarrhea," begin with the warming herb dong quai and then continue the rotation with the three cooling herbs. Sometimes symptoms can be deceiving. Night sweats, for example, are often considered a manifestation of a deficiency condition; referred to as "insubstantial heat,â&#x20AC;? they often arc not considered a "heat symptom." Since most people present a complex picture with a combination of yin and yang symptoms, the skill and discrimination of a Chinese medical practitioner can guide appropriate application of this formula. When monitoring an individual, look for a balancing and more healthful feeling to the pulse. For example, if one introduces the yang herb dong quai, the triple heater pulse should seem fuller and stronger at the surface. If this is not the case, and/or if symptoms are worsening, balance out the herbs in this formula with other herbs. Chinese herbs are usually combined in formulas and are rarely taken singly. The herbs in this formula can be taken in combination with other Chinese herbs or herbal formulas without lessening their effect on the virus. Each herb in this formula has been specifically chosen both for its cooling (yin) or warming (yang) properties and for its unique molecular structure which parallels that of HIV. While the Chinese medical practitioner monitoring an individual may for example feel the need to balance out one of the formula's active cooling (yin) herbs with other herbs which may move the body as a whole toward a warm (yang) state, the formula will remain effective.

ability to adapt to rather than destroy the host. To understand this, note that each isolated tissue, gland and organ in the body relates to a specific meridian. HIV has different concentrations in such diverse tissues as the lymphatics, pancreas and spleen. Measuring a specific meridian measures among other things HIV's concentration and effect on the glands and organs to which that meridian relates. The presence of HIV determines both how the formula's active herb and all the other herbs prescribed to balance the body as a whole will affect the meridian flows. Because the molecular structure of HIV parallels that of the formula's herb, the active herb will go right to the virus. A chelating effect will bind them together molecularly and forces the virus to adapt to another form or stage. The other herbs will not detract from this effect because of their different molecular structure. If one organ is yin and another is yang because there are concentrations of the virus stimulating those different properties in each, the other herbs will bring the body as a whole toward the desired yin or yang state of balance while the formula's active herb will be released moreso to concentrate solely on the virus as it affects particular organs and meridians. If once the active herb is introduced there is a shift in the particular meridian flows to the desired state of yin or yang, the herb is accomplishing its effect.. The Herbal Rotation Formula Repeat the following herbal rotation 3 times, then take a break for a month, resume for 3 more complete cycles, break, resume tor another 3 cycles, and continue the pattern until the individual remains symptom-free for at least 6-12 months and/or testing reveals that HIV has adapted to a non-pathogenic form. Although it varies greatly from individual to individual, it has been suggested that individuals will need to remain on the formula for at least 12-24 months.

antibodies in their very molecular form can then be utilized to further aggravate the capacity of the virus to remain within the host, for their patterning also parallels that of the virus, thus allowing for chelation and further alteration in the virus. This immune-repressing syndrome is very much part of appropriate substances that bind to the virus. The action of HIV in and of itself is precisely parallel to one of the body's own immune

E chinacea root. Either take 20 drops tincture, 3-500 nig. tablets/capsules, or 1/2 cup of the tea as prepared below twice daily for 6 weeks. A combination of echinacea angustifolia and purpurea is 23

The Nature of the Healing Process

preferable. If making a tea, use 2 oz. root/quart of water, simmer at low temperature in a covered non-metal pot for 30 minutes, then steep 1-2 hours. Dnnk warm. Several days worth may be prepared in advance and kept in the refrigerator.

As is continually demonstrated by both scientific studies and living example, lifestyle changes and spiritual growth augment the lifespan. The best way to support the effectiveness of this formula Is to clean up one's diet and one's life and move towards a spiritual orientation. The desire to live with and beyond AIDS has a profound spiritualizing effect for many individuals. Spirituality is about transcendence. Uniting mind and body in the transcendence of disease states is the essence of the self-healing process. By moving beyond the daily dramas that keep us trapped within ourselves and uniting with all that is, we can connect with our innate abilities to heal. Please refer to Psychoimmuniry & the Healing Process for a comprehensive holistic approach which addresses the mental and spiritual as well as the physical aspects of healing. There is a network of spiritual support around us, both seen and unseen. Be open to the spiritual vibration that those who wish to help are working to enhance. Meditation is a key here.

I rich o san th es root (available in Chinese herb stores, and also known as Tian Hua Fen or Gua lx>u Gen). One cup twice daily for 3 weeks. Use 1/4 cup (4 tbsp.) of the root per quart of water. Simmer 1 hr. on very low heat in a covered non-metal pot. Several days' worth may be prepared in advance. If a tincture is prepared by traditional means, take 20 drops twice daily. Please note information about the use of trichosanthes and Compound Q in the introduction. C h a p p a ra l leaf. 1 cup of the following tea twice daily for 3 weeks. Use 2 tsp./quart of water. Simmer in a covered non-metal pot for 30 minutes, then steep for 12 hours. Drink warm. Chapparal tea is not a taste sensation, and if health allows may be sweetened with honey and licorice as need be to counter the bitterness. Several days worth may be prepared in advance and kept in the refrigerator. Chapparal is also known as creosote bush (larrea tridentata) and grows in abundance throughout much of the U.S. southwest. The herb has been taken off the market in some areas by the FDA because it is believed that in some people with severe liver problems, taking large quantities of the herb over long periods of time can exacerbate those problems. While products containing chapparal can no longer usually be found commercially, some stores have the bulk herb available. Since the herb is not an illegal drug, there is no problem with harvesting it for personal use or having a friend ship some to you. Channelings have suggested that chapparal can occasionally be hard on the kidneys. While using chapparal, it is wise to take at least 1 gm. Vitamin C twice daily to support the kidneys. If the kidneys begin to ache, cleavers, nettles and plantain are other herbs which can be taken in conjunction with C to support the kidneys. Please consult with an herbalist for more information. Although drinking chapparal as a tea is most preferable, a tincture of chapparal can also be prepared by traditional methods. Consume 20 drops tincture twice daily. If you can find fresh chapparal tablets which have not been sitting around for years, take 3 tablets twice daily.

Feedback Sharing your experiences with using this formula can help others and guide further research. Please send your feedback to Jason Serinus, The Holistic Group, PO Box 3073, Oakland, CA 94609-0073. Please note that the editor is neither licensed nor able to prescribe or to answer specific health questions by phone or mail. No profit is made by the editor from the distribution of this formula or sale of the herbs. Please spread this information around. Permission to reproduce and distribute this formula is freely given as long as all 5 pages are distributed in their entirety without charge.

Dong Q uai root. Take 20 drops of tincture or 1/2 cup of tea as prepared below twice daily for 4 weeks. Dong quai is usually obtainable as a hard chunk of root. First steam it in a vegetable steamer until it starts to get soft, then thinly slice and let dry for storage. Use 1 tbsp. thinly sliced root/quart of water. Simmer on low heat in a covered non-metal pot for 30 minutes, then steep for 6 hours. Several days' worth may be prepared at a time. A Vibrational Approach Both the physical and vibrational properties of the herbs contribute to their effectiveness. The vibrational properties of the herbs bear an almost synonymous relationship with their binding properties and molecular resonance to HIV. It is because the herbs have the same molecular resonance as HIV that they arc able to bind to it. The individual and practitioner may wish to administer the herbs in homeopathic form rather than as teas or tinctures. Either form is effective; the choice hinges upon such factors as availability, ease of administration, and the specific training of the practitioner. A homeopathic potency of 10MM is suggested. Remedies may be prepared by a grafting technique, with a medicinal liquid solution the most preferable form of administration. Three to ten drops of the remedy should be taken for the same amount of time and frequency as suggested above for the herbal teas and tinctures. To determine the correct number of drops, practitioners should measure the meridian flows. The correct amount of remedy will have an immediate balancing effect upon the meridians. Potentized flower essences of the herbs may also be used. Since flower essences are "self-correcting," there is no need to suggest specific potencies. Practitioners familiar with starlight elixirs may wish to use them to augment the formula (Starlight elixirs are prepared by shining starlight focused through a telescope and a crystal lens into lightshielded water). Their appropriate use must be determined on a caseby-case basis.

ec h in a c ea a n g u s to fo lia 24

By C huck T hom pson

For fifteen years now, 1 have sought out thousands of other men who were willing to reveal their own personal feelings and experiences as they related to their circumcision status.One only has to read their stories to realize how tremendous a shock it is for a boy to find out he is different from his peers. Those who sufferedthe most shock in the United States, and were subjected to considerable ridicule, were those few boys left uncut during the post World War II years when almost every other boy with whom they had contact was cut. Pressure toward conformity is strong in children and teens. It is amazing how many young men report never having seen a foreskin until they entered college, with its greater diversity.

In a study that began 72 years ago and has involved thousands of equally interested men, I have concluded that the battle between the anti- and pro- circumcision advocates continues with no end in sight!! The fight takes place on talk shows, in the press, and more recently on the bulletin boards of computer services. Circumcision has been described as "a big issue over a small tissue". However, the subject draws strong emotional reactions.

About 100 years ago, the British turned to circumcision as a presumed way to reduce male masturbation, and it was encouraged by medical books for many years. By the 1950's, almost 90% of baby boys in urban hospitals, from both rich and poor families, were routinely circumcised. Even Dr. Spock at that time was urging it in his baby books.

With major campaigns by anti-circumcision groups like NOCIRC and NOHARM, the "antis" appear to be the louder voices in the struggle. Uncut men and some cut men who resent their circumcisions are far more vocal than those men who are cut and happy to be so, and see no need to push their opinions.

Against the views of urologists, the American Academy of Pediatrics, in 1971, determined that there were no valid medical reasons for routine circumcision of the newborn. This stance was reaffirmed in 1975 and endorsed by the Obstetricians and Gynecologists. The postition was given wide publicity and quickly promoted by those already opposed to circumcision. Rates slowly began to drop.

Having been actively engaged in researching attitudes on this subject for many decades, I have been able to reach some conclusions Unlike most pronouncements which represent a strong bias, it is time that a more balanced position be taken on the subject. My personal story began at the first recess in kindergarten, when three boys went to the bathroom and stood together at the trough then used. Little Chuck stood in the middle, and in a practice that would later continue for all of his life, he stared at the cocks of the two smaller boys on either side of him. HORRORS!! Chuck was different from his neighbors. They had skin over the ends of their cocks, and even possessed a prominent bared head!!

Then, with much more research available, and with the growing concern over sexually-transmitted diseases, especially AIDS, an AAP Task Force on Circumcision, in 1989, changed its position and concluded that there were clear medical benefits conferred by circumcision, including prevention of phimosis, paraphimosis, and balanitis(infection) and reduced risk of penile cancer. There is also strong evidence that circumcision is associated with much lower incidences of urinary tract infections.

The apparent trauma of that experience resulted in Chuck's (MY) never going back to the school bathrooms through high school, even though in time I determined I was not the only cut boy in town.

That revised position now corresponded with the long-standing position of urologists, who have always strongly favored infant circumcision, considering it a life-time preventative health measure, especially important in adulthood as protection against disease. Pediatricians had been concerned cheifly by the infant's pain and the potential for problems in the early days.

However, like countless other boys, the overriding impression I had received was that I was "DIFFERENT"!! 1 hid myself from the gaze of other boys for all of my school days. Like so many other boys with the same feelings, I resisted gym classes with their requirement of a gym outfit that would require changing in an open locker room. Showers were certainly out of the question. Even when I discovered I was not that different, the psychological harm had been done.

Most doctors today have found methods to ease that pain, and report that many babies actually sleep during the operation. These 25

reports are in contrast to the frightening movies of the operation sometimes shown on TV by the anti-circumcision forces.

foreskin is(or was) attached. Most cut men retain that skin, and all of us have learned how exciting that small patch of skin can be.

It is well known in medical circles that circumcision decisions frequently have little relationship to medical arguments or those found in magazine articles. Instead, a parental decision on circumcision often is influenced by cultural considerations ranging from tradition to trendiness with an eye on conformity and appearance. Especially important may be the father's circumcision status along with that of little boys likely to be sharing gym shower rooms. This has led me and others to the conclusion that the overriding factor when considering circumcision of a boy is the situation in which he will find himself in his community. If almost every other boy is cut, his welfare is best served by circumcising him. If a considerable number of boys are uncut, then parents may choose to leave him intact, though at this time other factors should also be considered.

As a cut man. I do find myself gazing with fascination (and an erection) at uncut men in showers while they wash themselves and busy themselves with the handling of their cocks and foreskins. Cut men also report the pleasure of handling another guy’s foreskin, and observing its action. A sizeable number of cut men come to resent their not having a foreskin, feeling deprived of the added pleasure it could have produced. Perhaps it’s a case of "the grass being greener on the other side of the fence", as many uncut men wish THEY were cut. Much is being written lately about Foreskin Restoration. The name is a misnomer as what usually happens in this effort is that what remains of loose skin behind the glans is stretched by rather tedious methods until it begins to cover the glans. Taping and the use of weights are involved, and naturally, this is not a comfortable experience. A few men even resort to expensive and complicated surgical methods.

There is a growing argument over what percentage of males are being circumcised today. Some claim it has dropped to 60%. Just recently the New York Times carried a story, claiming that 86% of the boys are still circumcised. Other men have stated that if there has been a decrease, they have seen no evidence of it in locker rooms.

On the other hand, it is estimated that as many as 15% of males are circumcised later on, either by choice or by neccessity, with the cost and inconvenience increaseing with age. One could argue that the neonatal cost is so low as to make it a good investment, to save later higher costs and problems.

The low figure usually quoted is that offered by the National Institue of Health. This government agency uses data on infant circumcision performed in hospitals. However this figure is not an accurate figure, since it does not include circumcisions in federal hospitals, such as military hospitals, those performed by Jewish mohels, or those performed on an outpatient basis in hospitals and in private clinics and offices. Some parents elect to save money by not having it done in the hospital, but later in the doctor's office. It is believed that the true rate is about 18%higher than reported, making it about 80% today.

Among our readers there are many such men who choose to be circumcised when they become adults, but the expense and discomfort are considerable. Still, these men were almost all satisfied with the results. In this adult group are some who insist there is little loss of sensitivity resulting from the absence o f their foreskins.

The major health problem for the uncut male revolves around the fact that the moist, warm space between the foreskin and the head of the penis offer microbes a natural harbor where they can multiply, fed by smegma. Greater attention to personal hygiene, not always possib!e(as in wartime), is required throughout one’s life.

In conclusion, when considering infant circimcision, one should carefully weigh all facts. Certainly the intact penis can provide its owner with a wider range of sexual pleasures, because of its foreskin. One should then consider the advantages of circumcision which would include: reduced need for more frequent genital cleasing, the greatly reduced risk of sexually transmitted and other diseases, elimination of any need for later circumcision, and in some areas, the higher chance of conformity to other boys, with the reduced risk of a boy’s feeling "different".

It was widely reported that men who had foreskins suffered greatly during the Gulf War due to the irritation caused by sand under the foreskin. This was a problem too in World War II during the African campaign. Studies in Africa have shown that uncut males are eight times more likely to acquire the HIV virus than uncut males. Studies in this country bear out the fact that AIDS and other sexually-transmitted diseases are a greater problem for the uncut man.

One thing characterizes almost every man who found himself different. He universally developed an almost obsessive interest in finding out the circumcision status of every male with whom he has contact Seeking strongly to find men who have his favored status, he wonders about celebrities. The result: The men have put together a list of over 2000 celebrities, showing their status. The list includes actors, athletes, musicians, government leaders, etc.

Another convincing argument for neonatal circumcision was offered by Dr. Thomas Wiswell, a pediatrician, who was a strong opponent of circumcision until he became involved with studies of over 200,(XX) boys bom in Military hospitals. There he discovered a 20-fold increased risk for urinary tract infections during the first year of life among uncut boys. Though some studies by other men have shown an even higher rate, an average of all studies places the odds risk at 12fold. One study showed that 4.2% of all uncircumcised boys will have a urinary tract infection in their first year.

The men have collectivley searched their memories of those men with whom they went to school, of those they have seen in public health clubs and showers, of men they have deliberately followed into restrooms, and in many cases of men with whom they have enjoyed a sexual relationship. Nude photos of celebrities are found with amazing success, some never before published, Their observations and experiences are published in quarterly newsletters.

The alarming fact is that ten to fifteen percent of these infected males end up with permanently scarred kidneys and ten percent of this damaged group later develop high blood pressure. Adults who have urinary tract infections as infants make up one quarter of all those who later require dialysis or transplants because their kidneys can no longer function. A childhood urinary infection is thus a very serious condition.

Any man wishing to take part in this project is welcome to join up. Send SASE for information to: CHUCK THOMPSON PO BOX 691024 HOLLYWOOD CA 90069

Of 60,(XX) cases of penile cancer in the U.S. since 1930, only 10 have been reported in circumcised men. liven though circumcision advocates have offered many arguments for their point of veiw. the overriding argument for retention of the foreskin has to be the great pleasure that a foreskin can provide its owner. Generally, the cock head (glans) is more sexually sensitive because it has been protected by a foreskin as opposed to the rather "toughened" glans skin of a cut man. Still, the most sensitive area on both cut and uncut men is the Frenum, which is the skin where the

Editors Two Cents: After reading Chuck Thompson's article I found that I had to saysomething. First of all I don't believe Chuck takes a more "balanced position" on the subject of circumcision. The statistics that are put forth clearly point to the benefits of circumcision. The statistics were obtained from government agencies and the American medical system. Biased? Hmmmmm. To get a clearer picture it would help to look at things more holistically. I would like to see some quantitative and qualitative research done by anthropologists and sociologists on the subject and then try to come to some understanding of the underlying cultural factors that have made it OK for us to mutilate a newborn baby's penis without the consent of the individual involved. In his conclusion Chuck suggests four advantages of circumcision and one advantage to not being circumcised. Here goes the scale again. I could refute each of the advantages of circumcision in a lengthy discourse, but I won't. Perhaps just one of them "With circumcision there is a higher chance of conformity to other boys, with the reduced risk of a boys feeling different." This one really pushes my buttons. FUCK CONFORMITY!!!!!! If conformity was that important we would all be straight, and we would all be consumeristic wage slaves to a system that only represents the people that play by it's fucked-up rules. Circumcision is not so easily understood. In the United States circumcision is representative of a culture that places high value on conformity, disregards individual freedom, and is so sexually repressed that it cuts part of the male genitals off so there is not as much pleasure. 1 am uncircumcised along with four others of the RFD collective. I do remember feeling different in the locker room with the other boys. I was different in more ways than one. 1 am ever so grateful my mother had enough sense not to conform to the standards of the day. 1 have not tried to take a "balanced position" on this issue. I strongly believe that circumcision is an unnecessary form of mutilation. Just ask those baby boys who became little girls when the circumcision went too far.

rore

SRin n

Closer Look by bud Berkeley7 If you want to read more on circumcision try Foreskin by Bud Berkeley. This is the exDanded and updated second edition. This book explores the foreskin from Bud's personal experience from travels around the world with a great historical perspective. Bud founded the Uncircumcised Society of America in 1976 and the book also contains many letters from men wanting to know more about the foreskin and circumcision. From the book: The war finally ended, and the fifties became the golden era for the all-American b o y - a boy who was cleancut of h a ir, of jaw, and of penis. Dr. Spock advocated that parents have their son circumcised because "it makes him feel regular." Many ethnic minorities, missed by the original circumcision bandwagon, now started sending their little squires to school with unmuzzled acorns. Circumcision tools became big business for surgical supply companies, and new gadgets flooded the market. "Self-circumcision" kits were advertised, as were anti-circumcision rings. Advertisements promised that the rings would provide all the "benefits" of circumcision without the pain of surgery. ........Some experts added that circumcision helped prevent homosexuality, and there were still grandmothers who insisted that their little grandsons be circumcised so they wouldn't be tempted to play with themselves. Some people thought circumcision to be the law'. Most thought that circumcised penises were prettier and certainly, fathers wanted their sons to look like "a chip off the old block." Everyone agreed about everything in the fifties, it seemed... and by 1960, 83 percent of American penises conformed Some doctors still argued for the knife on the grounds that penile cancer is generally unknown on circumcised penises. However, it is so rare a disease (the American Cancer Society says "no incidence rates have been calculated because of its rarity") that it hardly provided sufficient reason for circumcising millions of boys. Blue Shield of Pennsylvania decided to cease payments for routine circumcision in 1987......... "Blue Shield has a basic philosophy of not paying for services which are not medically necessary." said spokeswoman Karen Early. " There has been anecdotal evidence on all sorts of things, but there has yet to be produced a medically sound, statistically valid study on circumcision." By 1983 the percentage of newborn circumcisions in American hospitals was down to 63 percent. It dropped to 62 percent the next year, and to 59 percent in 1985.

If you have opinions, experience, or information to share about foreskins and circumcision send it to RI D. We would like to run a follow up in a future issue. Ixrts hear it.

QOfLAN We walk down the flight of steps to the noisy, hot, dirty street and make our way through herds of pedestrians to a cool and elegant, even if faded, pastry shop, probably not much changed since the poet Cavafi held court here. We both take coffee and cakes. Goran says, “Forgive me, but I want so much to know how old you are. It’s okay to ask?” “Sure. Forty-four.” He looks serious as he says, “Old enough to be my father.” “True.” “And you're very handsome, sir.” “So are you, Goran. In fact, beautiful, body and soul." I laugh at the cliche, even though I mean what I say. “By the way, please call me George. No more ‘sir’ stuff.” “Yes, George,” he says, smiling. "And thanks for the delicious cakes,” his mouth full, some frosting above his lips. I wipe it off. “So, my sweet friend, tell me about your previous love-life. Please. It’s none of my business, so don’t, Goran, if you’d rather not.” I press his hand. “Sure, no problem. Well...I’ve fallen in love with two men before you. One, a teacher in my secondary school. But I never spoke to him about my feelings, just sort of flirted. 1 could sense he was attracted to me. That felt great Haven't made the mistake of keeping my feelings to myself twice.” He winks. “So?” “So?” “The other man.” “That’s different, because things happened. Anyhow, last year, before coming to Alexandria, I let myself be picked up in Danube Parkyou know, in Belgrade—by a young man who turned out to be very kind and loving. Sure, I’d had sex and sort of romantic feelings before— other boys my age. We never thought much about it. Didn't even know the word homosexuality. Anyhow, the only problem with my friend was his demanding job, a lawyer, and his marriage. I hated making our plans totally around his schedule. But I knew I had to. I didn’t get to see him nearly enough. Even so, he taught me how two men should express their love, though we only had one weekend together. It was heaven. Of course we had sex off and on in various places, but not enough to suit me. Miserable to say good-bye. I write him often. His letters getting further and further apart.” “No love or sex since coming to Egypt?" “No love, and the only sex happened while waiting for my brother

Teaching English as a foreign language to Goran excites me. This seventeen-year-old Yugoslavian boy has a marvelous ear. is intelligent, sweet and courteous. Especially, he’s beautiful. Of course. I’m in love with him. After several months of lessons in my nearly barren room, and after a particularly successful lesson during which we practice the futureperfect tense, the boy puts his hand on my shoulder, looks lovingly into my eyes and says he’s got something difficult to say, and hopes and believes I’ll take his words kindly. “Go ahead, Goran. I promise to be more than sympathetic.” “Sir, 1 need to say -- and I’ve been practicing this speech for two weeks -- just that 1 love you. Please, sir, it’s true. And I know you’re attracted to me.” He looks at the floor. “Aren’t you?” “Lord, yes!” He shyly asks if he can kiss me. I pull him to me. He wraps his arms around my neck, kisses my lips. I hold him to my chest and pat his cheek. We laugh while taking turns saying, “I love you.” Oh, God, I’m grateful he had the courage to make the advances. Because he's my student, I never could have. Well, probably not. After the following lesson, I can’t wait to return to the topic of romance. “Goran, you're an amazing young man.” “I'm glad. Why?” "At your age I hid behind shyness and fear. Felt no love or even excitement for anyone, male or female. Totally aloof.” "Sir, what’s aloof?” "To be cool and reserved." "Sorry you were. But tell me that we’re more to each other than teacher and student. I know we are. But two days have passed. You haven’t changed your mind? I know you haven’t." “I haven’t." We kiss. More talk about loving each other. He presses his tall, slender body into mine. I break from him and pick up a book or two, move the chairs to signal it’s time to go. “Goran, on the way home do you have time to stop off with me for a refreshment?” "Oh, yes, sir. Time for anything." He grins at me and pats his fly. “I want to make love, too, but wouldn’t it be nice to spend our First night together in an attractive hotel, not this ugly room? "Probably,” he says, not too happily. “Anyhow, let’s get cake and coffee.” “Okay." He shrugs his shoulders, goes to the mirror and brushes the blond hair out of his big brown eyes. 28

we talk about living together, but he’s worried about being kept. “No money, no job. not even a proper education." he moans. “Tell me what to do. I want to be with you always, but no one can take-take-take. Shouldn't we go to Yugoslavia where 1 can work?" “W e’ll talk long and hard about an arrangement. Of course you want to contribute financially. Why wouldn't you?" I slide my arm around him. He leans against me. 1 kiss his cheek, its light sweat seeming to have the scent of jasmine.

at the soccer field An old man in a restroom made advances, and I encouraged him. Excited me; but something important was missing, something like knowing him and the other way around." “1 see." I say, taking his hand and pressing it. “See what, sir? I mean George." “I see you're a beautiful person." “Thank you." “You're welcome," 1 say with a laugh. “So let's sleep together soon. We both want to, don't we?" He looks me straight in the eye. “I sure do." “Let's make a plan. Go somewhere nice, stay at a seaside hotel. A whole weekend. Suit you?" “Of course." “Are you able to get away?" “No problem. I'll talk to Mother. She'll be happy you want my company.” Not a flicker of sarcasm. “You bet." “What’s ‘you bet' mean?” “In this case it means i don't think so.’" “Thanks for the definition, but Mother won’t mind." “Come on. Sure she will." “No, not at all. She’d like me to be with friends. Anyhow, I’m seventeen, a man. And you must come to dinner soon. I’ll ask her when to invite you." “Does she know you're homosexual?” “Probably. We don’t say anything. Besides, if I don’t marry, she’ll still have grandchildren when my brother and sisters marry. Please, George, don’t worry. It’s okay. She’ll be very nice to you. Besides, what’s the problem? You’re my English teacher." “Good point." “See, I think of everything!” He laughs and pats my shoulder.

Besides giving English lessons to my six other pupils, I see Goran often over the next three weeks. Lots of wonderful sex in my little room, and now his lessons are free. Then he misses an appointment. No word from him. I'm worried. Next day the younger of his sisters, looking fragile and distressed, comes to tell me Goran was badly injured in a car crash and that their brother was killed. I take her home. Her mother’s dressed in black. The other sister suddenly breaks into tears. At this moment I badly need to be with Goran. I make arrangements to take the family to the hospital. That evening we sit by the boy’s bed. He seems to be barely conscious, if at all. Long before the close of visiting hours he’s asleep. We stay on and then each of us kisses him good night. Through chalky streets under stars and moon, 1 drive the family home. We have coffee. Everything seems to be in slow motion until the mother rises and walks around the room. Standing by an open window she begins to speak, the younger sister translating her mother’s concerns somewhat as follows: “Because Goran’s lost the use of his legs, and two ribs and an arm are broken, he’ll be in the hospital for weeks. The family has some savings, but with the death of my elder son most of the income has stopped. My daughters must go immediately to their grandparents in a mountain village west of Belgrade. To conserve the family savings, the apartment in Alexandria must be given up. Perhaps a cheap hotel room near the hospital can be found. My son’s body must be returned home for burial. But how can 1 desert poor little Goran to attend the funeral services?” She doesn't cry. She becomes silent, stares at her hands. I tell the family I’ll find a way to help with an air ticket or two. They’re too numb to acknowledge my offer.

At Goran’s apartment for dinner, I meet his mother — non-Englishspeaking, a kind and out-going widow in her early fifties — and his two older sisters, both attractive, the younger one able to speak English fairly well. Later in the evening his brother, the soccer coach, and from what Goran said primary support of his family, arrives for coffee and chocolates. He takes me aside to say how pleased he is to meet me again and that he wants to say thank-you for the excellent progress his little brother’s making in English. Furthermore, he appreciates my kindness in offering to take Goran to the seaside. 1 say, “I’m very fond of your brother and thoroughly enjoy his company.” “I’m glad, for he needs a good friend. He talks about you all the time." The brother laughs and pats my shoulder.

Although I earn almost enough to live on and receive small quarterly payments from a great-grandfather’s trust, I’ve virtually no extra money. Maybe a few hundred dollars. My parents are dead and my older sister is travelling in the Far East on business. I’ve no one to turn to for a loan. Nothing to do but drain my reserve. The fact is, I’ve been overspending, mostly on presents for Goran and eating in expensive restaurants. Time to be careful. I practically force Goran’s mother to take a round-trip air ticket to Belgrade. Until she returns, I promise to visit Goran twice a day. The poor woman knows I love her son and doesn’t doubt my word. Several days later, after a visit to the hospital so that family members can say good-bye to Goran — though he’s thoroughly doped and seems unaware of anyone — I drive them to the train station for the first leg of their trip. We share long sad faces and a lot of kisses on the platform among bundles, push carts, crowds of shoving people, dirt and flies.

Saturday morning Goran and I drive in my old VW Bug to a beach front hotel about fifty miles west of Alexandria. We like the room, decorated in pastels and bright with floor-to-ceiling windows overlooking the Mediteranean. Within seconds o f our being alone, Goran tosses off his clothes, dances happily around, and says, “Pleased with what you see? Personally, I think I’m beautiful!” Then a lot of silly laughter. “You are! Come here, you sweet thing!" We embrace. He breaks loose and pulls on his swim suit. “Great sex later?" he asks, delighted to tease me. “I know how much you like to postpone. So, come on, old man, get on your suit.” He races ahead of me to the calm blue sea and demonstrates his excellent Australian crawl. I putt along behind. On the beach he sunbathes. I drape a towel over my shoulders, loathe to lie in the sun, but pleased to humor him. When he runs his hand over my chest and says’ “What a great build for an old man!" I look around to make sure we’re pretty much alone and then pull him on top of me. I put my hand between his legs and feel his worm swelling. I'm nearly crazy with longing.

I'm at the hospital twice a day. The third evening Goran takes my hand and smiles. His nose is running. I wipe it, kiss him and report that his mother’s due back from Belgrade the day after tomorrow. “She’s in Belgrade,: he says, vaguely. I talk to him about his brother’s death. He cries. An hour passes. I read to him. Again he breaks into tears. I dry them. He grasps my hand and holds it until the nurse asks me to leave. At the door I wave good-bye. He's lying fiat in bed, his mouth open, and staring at the ceiling.

We shower together, soaping each other down, and make love— with slight interruptions for lunch and naps—until dinner. 1 really care about this boy. Crazy how happy I am, which is surely communicated by my laughter and love-making. He encourages me to take the lead in everything and then reciprocates, so eager to please. What a sweet boy! How lucky I am! Never dreamed such a great kid could care for me. By the way, he gives the lie to Ovid’s assertion:

When Goran’s well enough to leave the hospital, his mother and I wheel him to my car and all of us drive to her hotel. At least once a day 1 visit them in her small and shabby room. While 1 talk to Goran, she often goes shopping. My little friend’s alert, but his face is drawn and pale. I like to hold his hand and kiss him. “What's to become of us?” he asks. For a week I make plans with them about how best to set up a living arrangement. Fortunately, Goran’s mother wants to include me in her family, in fact needs me. We agree that the three of us will fly to Belgrade where I’ll get us an apartment and try to find a few students.

I hate the bed that yields not mutual joys, and for that reason scorn the love of boys. Two days of romance, swimming and good food before returning to Alexandria. On the road back, between burning sand dunes and the sea.

“George, don’t pretend you want me, you old liar!” He lays his head on my lap. I feel deep sadness for my friend.

I’ll take care of my friend while she looks for a job. When she gets one, her daughters will join us in a larger apartment, if available. A month goes by before we can afford air tickets. Happily, my sister, who’s returned to New York, has loaned me enough money to last a few months.

In spite of my numerous job applications to teach English in the U.S.A., Asia and the Near East, nothing materializes. But after a lengthy exchange of letters with my sister, she agrees to sponsor Goran for immigration to the United States — a six month wait before he and I fly to Portland, Oregon; his mother is off and on about the plan until two weeks before departure. At the airport tearful good-byes, all of us, including his sisters, miserable. Promises made that Goran and I will visit next Christmas. With her last kiss and embrace, Goran’s mother gives him a gold locket that belonged to her grandmother.

In the outskirts of Belgrade we find a small, but relatively expensive apartment in a district with few gardens and a homogeneity of utilitarian, three-story wooden buildings. Goran and I take the undersized bedroom and his mother sleeps in the sitting room. When she’s out looking for a job, Goran often insists on making love to me. He’s desperate to please. And he does. But the sex is pretty much one way, for he has no sensation in his penis. God, what a mess the poor little kid is! Finally I talk to him about our sexual relations. “Tell me, Goran, what do you think about this love-making of ours?” “Well, 1 don’t know.” “Ah, come on, sweety, try to tell me. Say exactly what you think.” “You tell me what you think!” he shouts. “We both know I'm worthless. Oh, sure, I can suck you, but...” He grabs my hand and kisses it. “God, George, I feel terrible. I want to die.” I hold him and mumble, “How could you feel otherwise. You’re going through hell.” W e’re both silent until he says,”So you’ve got to leave me. Please, George, please! Look at me. A cripple. A dead dick, no control over my shit! Taking all your money. Yet a couple of months ago, or more, cock of the walk. A great kid. I don’t like to admit this, but I thought you were lucky to have me, even though I fell in love with you. Know something? 1 was even proud of my dick, partly because it was bigger than yours.” He cries. Between sobs he gets out, “You only hang around me out of pity.” “Sure I pity you. Only part of the reason. But don’t you know that pity’s a basis for love? Of course you do. You fell in love with me, didn’t you? A middle-aged man, on the run, afraid of being openly gay, unloved, lonely, a mass of wrinkles...” Goran interrupts, “You’re handsome and you know it. But thanks for listing the defects. They don’t quite balance out with mine.” In spite of his misery he has to smile. “By the way, I don’t think I thanked you for the wheelchair.” “You’re welcome. Anyhow, Goran, soon we must go to the states where a full-time job’s possible. You could do most of the housework, and when ready, go to vocational school, learn a skill, perhaps office work. I want you to share expenses.”

I’ve saved enough money to get an apartment and an old car. Within a month I find a part-time job teaching English composition at Portland State University. I also attend meetings of the Sons and Daughters of Oregon Pioneers, where I’ve located several other heirs to my great-grandfather’s estate: Watt and Trullinger, second cousins, delightful and warm-hearted people who are kind to Goran and me. In fact one of them, the wife of a trustee of the university, may have spoken on my behalf. As for my young friend, he’s learned to cook fairly well and to do housework, though his clumsiness often brings on tears. When he eventually enrolls for a typing class, I’ve more than enough money to buy him a word processor. He practices on it during his free time, obsessed about doing a first-rate job. Although he feels better about himself these days, occasionally bouts of depression hit him. For example, yesterday, while cooking, he upset the frying pan of hot spaghetti sauce on the floor. Not only was dinner ruined, but he couldn’t reach down to clean up the mess and had to leave the job for me. He pouted around until bedtime and refused to let me sleep with him. Next morning I bought a long-handled dust pan, a mop and a stool on which to put a pail. When I showed them to him, he laughed, and by evening we’re talking about a visit to his mother in Belgrade. “After I save up the money from my job, if I ever get one, I’ll buy the tickets. My treat.” So what can we do but keep going? That’s what most people do, I guess. It’s a rough world, sometimes filled with hope, sometimes despair. But even on rotten days, when we’re able to look at failures and disappointments as obstacles to overcome, we cope.

Howto Eat Fruit

I have already walked to Miss Monday's house. From age 9 to 12 I visited Miss Monday at least once every two weeks. She collected cactus and all types of bones, she designed costumes for the ballet, made doll houses, watched birds and turned her yard into a jungle for animals. She did all this while at an age 1 estimate to be mid to late 60's.

by James Campbell I lay on the futon inspired to write, an upwelling from deep below, a new phenomena in me. No fear of spelling , ; ; ? Freedom to think...and to go where my mind flies.

Within her jungle lay 3 or 4 old kumquat trees. Upon their long green arms lay clumps of dark yellow fruits. A few had fallen to the ground. A squeeze and by chance find a half-ripe one. I bite and find a sweetness after the sour. The taste of the first ripe fruit. I find maybe three more, tasty only because of their rarity, true ripeness waiting for the sultry humid heat of summer. Happily walking home after contentedly making love with Nature's finest gifts, in Monday's jungle with the April sky showing through the tangled ceiling. A light on; 1 wonder if it is even possible she is still alive. I'm 24; she would b e...79? I wish I was retired at age 25 and could play in my garden, drink tea with Miss Monday and go for two-hour-long walks with Orion.

I’m just back from a short walk abruptly ended by a hyper muse. I settle in to recount.. .after another monotonous day: work, workout, cook... I decided to enjoy a gift of herbs a coworker had donated. The night is a bit cooler. It is April 6th in Corpus Christi, TX. We have already had a month and a half of spring. Some of Spring's flowers have already matured to seed. 64 degrees is strangely cool on an April 6 eve, at least for South Texas it is. I'm sure all the skin babies will be moving here soon. I pull on my grey wool sweater, my favorite and cheapest, 5 cents. The sky is so clear. I spot Orion. The only constellation I can always see. 1 learned that and only that in a semester of C-. Orion has been my night-time companion ever since. He has seen me cry, love myself and too often ignore him.

I send light to my lovers all over the world who 1 have yet to meet. I lay and remember eating the fruit and find it more heartening than the previous weekend spent with an ex-lover who had traveled from afar to see me once again. Even after the glow of knowing you had won. and lost again because you cannot give of your soul, not yet. I lay and think...

Picture me, driving down the highway, maybe five miles over the speed limit, singing along with whatever is on the radio. I drive with headlights on, a bundle of lavender tied with a string and dangling from the rearview mirror. I have no map; I play the road by ear. In the hospital, I spent a lot of time thinking about a field where I could go to die, a field like a picture in a magazine ad for a fresh brand of cigarettes, a field with wildflowers and mountains in the distance and perfect clouds in a blue, blue sky. I thought this field might be in Colorado, someplace like that. So when I got out of the hospital, I went home and threw away all my notebooks. I tossed some clothes into the trunk of my VW, arranged my medications neatly in the glove compartment, and drove west.

BANDANNA by Allen Howard

Picture me, playing road games, wrapping freeway traffic like twine around my fingers. If someone catches my attention, a woman with flaming red hair or a man with a bushy blond beard, I honk, wave, then speed away. Late each evening, I stop in some small town. I buy a pack of Oreo's at a grocery, a pint of vodka at a liquor store, put on my sunglasses and drive into the sunset. I sleep in my car with the doors locked, parked at the far end of a roadside rest stop. In the morning, I finish the cookies, the vodka, wash up in the men's room, and start driving again. How long have I been gone? Am I getting close?

Picture us, riding after sundown, red glow at the tip of his cigarette. Windows down, the coppery after-rain smell filling the car. Sometimes he hums. We don't talk much. "You want to stop for the night?" I say. "Sure, if you do." "There's a rest stop up ahead. I'm getting sleepy." "Fine," he says. So we stop. He gets in the back seat, stretches his legs, uses his backpack as a pillow, takes the bandanna from his head. I put my seat back a little and close my eyes. The car makes sounds as it settles, like someone gently snoring. After a moment he says, in a conversational tone, "I bet you were a bad kid, right? Always at the principal's office." 1 think back, a lifetime ago. "Actually I was a good kid." He seems charmed, as if I'm flirting. "A good kid," he says. "You mean, like, teacher's-pet, church-on-Sunday early-to-bed-and-early-to-rise?" "Something like that," 1 say. "You want another cookie?" He doesn't answer. It's quiet. Later, as I'm teetering between awake and asleep, he says, "I don't like to admit it, but I was a good kid too."

Picture the hitchhiker. Blue jeans, backpack, red bandanna wound round his head, his curly brown hair. I'm not the type to stop, but it looks like rain. "Where you going?" I say. "Luther. Do you know where that is?" "No." "About four hundred miles," he says. "Maybe a little less. How far you going?" 1 don't answer. I don’t know what to say. Then I say, "I'm just kind of driving. I'll take you to Luther." So we ride for a while. It begins to rain. I become a.ware that I don't know where 1 am, what state, what part af the country. It's flat, that’s all I'm sure of. I take the next exit, drive into town, pull into the parking lot at a liquor store called Jakie's Party Shoppe. 1 say, "Do you want anything?" "Bourbon,” he says, reaching for his wallet. "My treat," 1 say.

In the morning, he’s gone. I don't know where I am. I feel lousy. Then I see his bandanna. It's tied to the tip-top of my car antenna, just hanging there. So I drive away, and it waves in the wind like a flag.

^ B C A R R IH G ^ O R M R R ^ B C A D E b S

AN RFD RETROSPECTIVE: P A R T F> f ' A F F 1 9 9 0 TO §I3M M E R 199^ In this fifth and final retrospective, we will look at RFD’s last 4 years, issues 63 through the present.

and an invitation to a more radical aliveness....On the other side of grief are new possibilities, greater wisdom and deeper loving self-acceptance". The main feature in this issue is an article by Anthony Weir - "Sex and the Shaman in a Secular Society". It deals exactly with this - the role that gay people played in ancient civilizations as "threshold people", the transition to the sexually repressed modem times, and a challenge for us today to "combat normality with sensuality".

Issue 63 (titled R ooster F ooster D o o ste r) marks the beginning of RF D’s 17th year (even though the editorial "Between the lines" mistakenly celebrates the beginning of the 18th year...). Another cause for a celebration is the publication of the first (and so far only) book from the newly inaugurated RFD PRESS "GHETTO FROM THE FIRST FIVE" by Winthrop Smith. It’s only four years ago, yet some of what’s discussed on the pages seems like yesterday. The first page as well as the five center pages show photos taken by Sister Mish at Gay Games III in Vancouver, Canada. The main news item is about the boycott of Marlboro cigarettes and Miller beer, both owned by Philip Morris, for i t s funding of Senator Jesse Helms. In "A Call for Dialogue" there is a letter from an inmate describing being gay behind bars, the lack of AIDS advocacy in jail, and thanking RFD for resuming the BBB pen-pal listings. There is a new column in this issue Health and Healing designed to offer "insights and advice by various writers w ith a range of viewpoints and expertise". The editor is Franklin Abbott, who also wrote the first article on "What to Do when Shit Happens: Reactions and Responsibilities". In an empowering article, he talks about how to respond to AIDS, dying and loss with self-awareness. Shit happens all the time without a reason, Franklin argues, and it is up to us to use it as "a portal to a deeper understanding of self

Only "Agnes Knows" how to get himself in trouble, like starting a faerie dish-gossip-humor column in RFD. Agnes continued sharing with us the scenes and behind the scenes of Faerie culture until issue 68, when for reasons that only she knows, she moved on to another publication.

^[SSUIBS 6 3 - 7$ I am somewhat surprised that it took the new "editorial collective" of RFD almost 3 years before they did it, but eventually on the front and back cover of issue 65 we can see all of their photos - 15 people, most of whom were then living at Short Mountain. It is the spring of ’91, and as the war was raging, this issue is titled Rutting For Disarmament and ii offers information about draft-dodging and anti-war affinity groups. "A radical approach to organic gardening" is explained by Rand B. Lee, writing about using meditation, observation and communicating with plant-spirits.

Issue 64 (Religiously Flavoured Doggerel) came out shortly before the Gulf War started. On page one we have a photo of a young man with a boner holding the American flag. "What could be more American than young, hard man/boy flesh - Bring our boys home & whole this solstice". The dialogue regarding how much of a "country journal” RFD is anyway continues and Raphael Sabatini, the Dutchess of Columbia, reminds us all that "Honey, if you want to see more country articles, write one". There is some discussion following the raid on the Midwest Men’s Festival. In response to the fears that the raid evoked, David Finkelstein offers "complete openness in the face of paranoia". Following the First Gay Spirit Visions Conference, Jan Nathan Long writes "Not reverent, nor sinful, Faeries make so few mistakes only because there are so few rules". ITiere is a moving account of a gay Santaria wedding by Glenn L. Sitzman as well as an address delivered by James Broughton at an Out/Write conference - "No need to be fancy/or unorthodox/Just try a plain diet of/nipples and cocks". The art of Gavin Geoffry Dillard (AKA Gavco) appears in Fey Artist Into the Woods. His silhouettes invoke wild-ancient Magic to text by Henry Holmes, discussing the history and some components of being a Radical Faerie.

"Wolf Boy”, a poem by Gabriel Carrillo, is a sexual ode to a person/God. It is followed by an article he wrote "Just Say Yes" in which he questions Buddhist beliefs: "Instead of saying ’everything is an illusion from which we must escape’, it is possible to say ’everything is play; shine as brightly as you can’". The Seattle Faeries describe having lunch in a neighborhood that’s opposing building an AIDS hospice, and the Ann Arbor Faeries talk about appearing at a street art fair. Both text and photos leave no room to doubt the fabulousness of both Faerie outings.

a cosmos revealed

The cover of RFD 67 (as well as the first couple of pages) depict two men dancing, and the issue is titled Rainbow Faery Dancers. The centerfold shows photos from the Vermont Rainbow Gathering in which the faeries had a particularly strong presence. There is also a page dedicated to the impressions that were left on the faeries by the gathering Having just set up solar panels the Short Mountain Collective arc contemplating getting a computer for RFD. It won't be until issue 72 (winter *92-3) that RFD will feel what it's like to be typed and printed with the help of the MacSheila hardware. "A Letter from a Prison Punk" describes a very harsh reality, but as the writer recalls a trip to India he reclaims his power through spirituality - "you can't get spiritually lazy in prison - you're constantly being tested".

An interesting anecdote is told by Agnes. In the previous 2 issues of RFD, in the General Store section, there was an ad from a gay wiccan spiritualist offering personal horoscopes. An RFD reader who requested a reading received a letter saying "1 am no longer offering chart services. I have in recent months made commitment to Christ as my personal Lord and Savior". Needless to say, his ad did not appear again in RFD. R esolving fu n d am e n tal D iffe re n c e s is the name given to issue 66 and rightfully so. The editorial "between the lines" discusses some major changes the Short Mountain community went through as some people left it. The new RFD newstand price also took effect with issue #66 and a single issue is now $5.50(it was $4.75 before). There is an abundance of articles and stories in this issue, from the legal aspects of giving your lover the nextof-kin rights to writing about spirituality in gay and lesbian culture. John Burnside writes about what a Radical Faerie is: "Indeed one purpose of a gathering is to collect a year's supply of hugs".

"The Boy who Wanted to Become a Wizard" by Bob Twitchell is a story exactly about that After years of searching, and in spite o f other's disbeliefs, the little boy, now an old man, discovers that you are a wizard when you think and act like one. Johnny Townsted's "The Odds" is about a one-armed gay man that discovers love against the odds. In a serious yet outrageous official memo to the military (written under oath) Art Dowling describes love between Navy personnel (himself included) in World War II. "Remembering Our Friends and Love Ones" is the new name for the obituaries section. Amongst the ones in this issue is an obituary for Dwight DeLight, RFD's art director, by Jim Jackson. Part of it is a drawing Jim has done as "a sort of visual eulogy for Dwight".

In the story " The Sea House" Emil Hoffman tells of an encounter with the Goddess "We beat drums and blow conch shells, we build Fires, sacrifice small animals, and make love communally in the moonlight. 'M ake D ream s for us' we tell her."

An untitled article by Chris Charles challenges the conceptions of gay male's beauty and viewing people as objects. The adventures of Rex Trade are illustrated by Jim Bergeson in a cartoon that spreads over 3 issues of RFD. "Faeries in Sodom" is a pictorial pilgrimage of three Radical Faeries in the post-Gulf War Israel. It is ranging from quotes from the bible ("Now O harlot, hear the word of the Lord...confident in your beauty and fame... you lavished your favors on every passerby...") to more contemporary references ("Seized with grief upon discovering that none of their eye shadow went with their new gas-masks....[they! formed "concerned concubines for peace in the Middle East"). The article ends with a call to have a Faerie gathering in Israel to reclaim Sodom as Faerie space. Humor continues to prevail as ProfessHer Faerie, RFD's new spirituality editor writes: "The ProfessHer will wait until next time to express her own opinions on Spirituality. What she is really interested in is her own opinions, but part of the reason she took this job, in addition to the high pay, glamorous lifestyle, and a charge account at the goat boutique, was so that she might better learn to understand and accept the opinions of others". "Disguising the familiar in the foreign... is often how we tell our stories, our legends, our myths" says the editorial of issue '68 (R ea lities F rom a Distance). A large part of this issue is dedicated to stones (both fiction and 'real') about ritual and magic.

One such story is Leo Spruell’s personal account of witnessing a week long celebration of music and dance in the Mexican village of JesusMaria. These "magical Mexican man mysteries" are both highly spiritual and homoerotic. The magic continues with quite a few short stories that can easily be defined as Faerie-tales. From "Reconciliation" by Fred Stahl (the heroine turns an enemy into a lover), through "A faene Creation Myth" (by Brother Mark) to "fantasy" (a story by Marsh Cassady about a man who discovers the man of his dreams in the dentist's office...). There is even a poem, by L.Russell Thomas for the winter solstice that starts For a month before Solstice Auntie Chrys and her mass Of good faeries and tomboys Were all working like slaves Every tom in her tool shop Made her power tools sing Making all of those queer things Each young fag and dyke craves

Issue #69 was (what else?) a humor issue, and it's named "R im m ing f o r D ingleberries". It opens with a letter from "the Walker family" (Bob, Deb and the kids Todd and Stacy) thanking the fabulous time they had at the spring gathering. Having considered everything, from Disney World to visiting their grandma in Terra Haute they decided to go to the S.M. Beltane Bash after coming across the brochure for the gathering. (Apparently, Deb's younger brother Johnny left it behind after spending Easter with them). As the "letter" and the photos that accompanied it tell - they had the time of their life. They even wonder if the folks at the mountain would be open to a visirfrom Todd's baseball team...

Visiting tea-rooms and participating in jerk-off-circles is the subject of Steven Riel’s "Our Father". It is both a take off of the Christian prayer (describing an orgasm as "thy kingdom come"...) and a serious-sometimes painful look at the world of anonymous sex. "When I hold another man’s face in my hands...--I am not worthy to receive you, but only say the word and mv soul shall be healed- and I meet that longing with what’s good in me (both in spite of my scars, and because of them), I know this is sacred".

Also in this issue is a photo spread of the ACT UP demonstration in Kennebunkport, Maine (George Bush's summer home), and a rally in Nashville, TN. against Cracker Barrel and their homophobic policies. Both events had a large Faerie presence. There is an article about Lesbian and Gay aging in rural areas, Mo Hanan's reflections on the second Gay Spirituality Conference, and an address by James Broughton (delivered at that conference) on "The Holiness of .Sexuality". "Clasp, kiss and connect. Relish differences and similarities. Rub against fellow creatures of all stripes, shapes, scents and sweats, all textures, tints and tastes. How else will we end the civil wars of the world?"

Crazy Owl teaches how to prepare miso "food for 100,000 years" on your own; JanNathan Falling Long describes the OutWrite conference; Scott O'Hara talks about rockwall building.

The humor continues with a spoof of RFD (called FDR - Faeries Don't Read), including "Brothers in Bars", "Agnes’ nose", a call for the Ganawanarhea gathering, a gardening column (Kitty-pan composting for the urban dweller) and more. Alas, to this day nobody knows who are the anonymous Faeries that wrote it "Druscilla Douches" is a funny yet moving visit to the place where dead Faeries dwell, touching base with Michael Mason, Perle and others. "For a moment I thought - is this safe? - and a sarcastic little voice in me retorted of course it’s safe, this is SPIRITUAL".

A Mb T H E R E 'S T H IS NtCAOOS

RumooR&oiDGTHfrr m v :p EAS INESS. bESV&MER IS

Both humorous and serious is an interview with Joan Jett Blakk, the presidential candidate, whose slogan was " If a bad actor can become president, why not a good drag queen?".

SfvV) /

Riots! F reed o m ? D ism ay... is the name of issue 70 (summer ’92), in reference to the end of the cold war and the Rodney King riots.

Juial Tians for the Short Mountain Sanctuary Community Center drawing by "Phil "Woodward

Issue #71 was graced by covers that reflected more o f the content and the spirit of the m agazine than m ost we have done. The color-tinted photograph on the front cover and the black and white one on the back, both by Ricky of Luna Parc, showed two men in the woods who looked like people with lives rather than like posed models. It is an unremarkable occurrence, perhaps, but one that seems rare in magazine racks, filled with images of gay men that look like very few of us. The title of the issue was that of the feature, “Reusable Floral D iapers,” produced by the Chicago faeries. It is striking that the only two features in this four-year period other than the retrospective itself are the ones of Chicago and W ashington, D.C., probably due to the relative difficulty rural men have of netw orking with each other and having access to com puters, copiers, etc. Still, it would be great to have a group o f men from Northern California, the O zarks, V erm ont, or one of the other areas with a developing com m unity of progressive gay men put together a feature in the next few years. None o f this is meant to detract from the feature in question, though. It was an exuberant one filled with the com bination of outrageousness and quiet insight that have made the C hicago faeries’ presence always a m em o rab le one at g a th e rin g s. It is an A m erican pastim e to sneer at the dirt and degradation o f cities but in this feature we are rem in d ed that trash and sleaze can be preferable to com placency. Paddy’s account of a Barbie d o ll’s transcendent experiences in the fle s h p o ts o f C h ica g o and G urlene H ussey’s tale o f Devildog and Devilbee may not have been back-to-the-Iand fantasies, but they do have a certain undeniable appeal. And there was at least an attempt to relate to nature in C rypto’s pictorial essay o f six faeries going in drag to the Lincoln Park C onservatory Spring F low er Show , though they do seem more focused on their outfits and effect on the other patrons than the flow ers them selves. Speaking of drag, both T riscuit’s collage and Bob M arm a’s essay described using clothes to crea te an iden tity n e ith e r m asculine or fem inine but unique. T o b a s c o ’s tour of C h ic a g o ’s e th n ic and gay neighborhoods leaves me feeling envious of the multicultural opportunities that a city allow s to flourish. A lso notable were a collage by Arnae, an exam ple o f m ailart by Kokoe, poems by Ezzy and Bruce Aaron, and a sketch by Pablo Paul. And finally, no one who has experienced a “C h ica g o D in e r” at a gath erin g will be

surprised at the recipe for deep-dish pizza (white bread, ketchup, and processed cheese food) or the ode to coffee Many of the features that I have come to think of as being the backbone o f RFD are only a couple of years old. This issue featured the first installm ent of Jan Nathan Falling L o n g ’s “ L iv in g on the B ody o f the M ountain.” which he described as "som e thoughts from my jo u rn al to depict one perspective o f life at the san ctu ary .” His introspective m usings on com m unal life at Short M ountain are at once unique and a reflection of an attitude taken in RFD since its earliest days — that the type o f life we are striving for leaves us with as many questions as answers, and yet there is a constant undeniable richness in our lives here and endless opportunities for grow th. We also had the second in sta llm e n t o f R obin K o k o tt's “News,” the department that would eventually be re-nam ed “C onscious N ew s.” A lw ays th o u g h t-p ro v o k in g and in sp irin g , Robin m anages in his tw o pages to present news, a n aly sis and o p p o rtu n itie s for p o litica l activism. He also manages to convey his anger at the short-sighted decisions made by people in power, his concern for the planet, and his passion for social ju stice. T his issue also prem iered our invaluable baking colum n, “The B aker's Buns.” I’m going to let Peter Baker describe his column himself. The aim of The B aker’s Buns is to help those interested im prove their skills It is my tenet that a greater understanding of this craft translates into a less frustrated baker, a better, m ore a p p e a lin g p ro d u c t, and a plethora o f acco lad es, w hich, the goddess knows, is in short supply these ( d ay s.... You will learn why that unhappy custard weeps all the time; what to do about your breads, which, with a little more mortar, could build a fortress; how to diagnose those cakes that couldn’t stand on their own; why your pie crust is not as flaky as you are, and much m ore.” His first installment dealt with pie crusts, which have alw ays been a m ystery to me. As my housem ates can attest, not only did Peter clear up a lot o f the confusion I had about what kind of flour to use and why the dough should be kept cold, but he also left me with the confidence and ability to create tasty, flaky crusts. (Now if I could only leam how to make the blueberry fillings more solid.) This issue also published the last installm ent of Terry D elim ont’s “Out With the H illbillies,” which had been running since RFD moved to Short M ountain. Tom C reekm ur’s story “The Concert,” had a quiet beauty reminiscent of the Song o f the Loon books. D avid T h o rstad ’s “Holy R oller” was praised by a reader in the next issue for being a coming out story that didn’t “have any of the smug self-satisfied quality that other authors get into their narratives. Mr. Thorstad has a wonderful sense of humor and m anages to maintain a detached and amused tone throughout. He gets across his recollected p u zzlem ent and his co m p a ssio n , lightly touched upon, for the lim itations of the adults around him .” Two poem s stood out in my estim ation -- M ichael S w ift’s “ Boogcying w ith G o d ” and R ick S h o ry ’s “ Idaho R o c k ie s.” Issue #72, entitled "R eform atting for D isks,” heralded a m ajor change in the production o f RFD. It was the first issue produced on the solar-pow ered com puter. W hile at tim es people here have cursed the com puter as a soulless m onster (usually right 35

after th ey ’ve accidentally deleted two hours worth o f typing) it has allowed us to do an increasing amount of the actual production of the magazine here in Tennessee, rather than shipping it out. A fter dealing with the u n c e rta in tie s o f the g a rd en and the c o m p lic a te d p e rso n a l d y n a m ic s o f a comm unity, it can be comforting to work at a machine that will do exactly what you tell it to do. It is also appropriately hum bling when you realize what you told it to do w asn't what you meant to tell it to do. As of next issue we will also have a laser printer and scanner available for our use. Hopefully this will lead to c le a re r copy and inn o v ativ e design possibilities. D on't worry though, slickness is not som ething w e’re aiming for. This issue also prem iered two more colum ns. “ Down Home E rotica” has been en thusiastically received and is som ething w e’re very proud of. The ability to present a range of different images of men exploring sex and sensuality with directness and humor fills a void that w e’ve been aware o f for years. W e’re limited only by what you, our readers, send us to choose from. In the past, our ability to address the erotic side of our lives was dealt with mainly by some selections in our fictionsection. Personally, I always felt that that was less than ideal So keep those photos coming in. The other colum n that debuted this issue was “Country Journal." O riginally listed as b e in g w ritte n by “T w o G ay M en Som ew here,” a takeoff on RFD ’s subtitle, in later issues Robin and Sylvan started signing their nam es to it. At tim es a collaboration betw een the two, at tim es two independent essays, the tone tends to be more extroverted, more of a description o f events and people than “Living on the Body of the M ountain.” Robin and Sylvan are particularly good at conveying the rhythm of the time here in the country: going on a walk, discovering a new tree, picking the first carrots, aiding the goats in g iv in g b irth , and m ost m o v in g ly experiencing the death of one of the newborn kids. The story “ Ronny & C lyde,” by Johnny T ow nsend has a quirky plot and occasional unexpected depth in what is essentially a lighthearted modern fable. Possibly the most exciting article this issue is the short “ A Hot Soak for Your Buns,” by Jim Lane. It presented what seem s to be a fairly cheap and easy way o f constructing your own hot tub out of a stock watering tub.

Issue #73, “Rally! Flame!! Dem onstrate!!!" dealt with the 1993 M arch on W ashington. The feature was the D C . Faerie G uide. It proved to be extremely useful that weekend. It contained a map, two pages o f restaurant listings, lists ot faerie events, hom oerotic statuary, resources, street safety d o ’s and don’ts, and a faerie tour of Capitol Hill It also contained an account o f the 1987 M arch on W ashington by group that called itself "G ays W ithout Dates.” Appropriately, in “ Kitchen Queen," Buddy

May gave recipes for sandwiches and snacks that would be convenient to carry on the day of the W ashington march. Dan Lcatherman took over as spirituality editor in this issue. He took the opportunity to introduce h im self and to talk about the perspective that he would be bringing. He also invited submissions and asked questions about our concepts of spirituality and our values around them that he hoped would elicit responses.

Don Shewey wrote a fascinating article, "Sexual Healing,” in which he gave a histojy of Joseph K ram er and his Body E lectric w orkshops. It is an honest and engaging account of a method of transforming the cock and orgasm focus of much o f homosex into something that can last longer, encompass the whole body, and have more of an emotional effect. Ben Schm idgall in “Joy of N udism ” wrote about growing up on a farm where his father and all of the farmhands worked nude and liked to have other men look at their bodies. His statem ent that this made him a lifelong advocate of nudity is not surprising. Were there more farm s like this we would probably see a large exodus of gay men from cities and RED m ight finally have the circulation it deserves. In “Faerie Archives," Goatboy presented a Nathaniel Hawthorne story about a May Day celebration. If you can ignore the tragic ending, it reads like a cross between a faerie gathering and a Renaissance Faire. I, for one, would have had a much happier childhood if we had read this in high school as opposed to “The Scarlet L etter.” In the section “Remembering Our Friends and Loved Ones," Violet Flame and Manfred Ibel w ere com m em orated. In th eir very different w ays, both o f these men were unforgettable presences and generous friends to all who knew them. Those of us who knew them are dim inished by their loss. Those of you who will never get the chance to know them have lost even more.

Issue #74, “Recuperating From D C .," was put together in a mad rush follow ing the largest gathering ever held at Short Mountain. Looking back at it now I am impressed with how many substantive articles we managed to cram into this issue.

We had a series of articles about other countries. Yang D ejun’s “Letter from C hina” was a coming out story of a kind that is luckily becom ing rarer and rarer as gay groups form in more and more countries. After he came to accept his gayness and came out of the closet in China, he found him self very alone. He was able to find references to gay people and relationships in ancient Chinese literature. He heard about gay people overseas in decadent bourgeois countries. But he was unable to make contact with a single other gay person in contem porary China. “Swiss Cam p," by Mark (MaxZine) W einstein is a more upbeat account of a gathering of 120 Swiss gay men at a bio dynamic farm, about 45 minutes from Zurich. Gay life in Switzerland has its own problems, but compared to China or even the U.S. it is an oasis of open-mindedness. “From Russia With Love,” by Stephen Donaldson, also known as Donny the Punk, was an unusual insight into punk life in Estonia and Russia. Leo Spruell’s “O ur Lady o f G uadalupe” gave us another installm ent of the author’s alw ays-interesting explorations into M exican life and spirituality. "NAM BLA Blah Blah” discussed RFD ’s continuing am bivalence about running an ad for the NAM BLA Bulletin. A long letter by George Lewis and an article by Bean Dip that followed this article gave two more views o f the debate. In researching this retrospective I have found no controversy that has come up as frequently or has aroused as much anger as this one. It would probably be possible to put together an entire 80 page issue of letters and articles pro and con that we have received over the years. U nfortunately, I c a n ’t recall one letter or article where the author said he had learned som ething valuable from the other side. It is easy to feel like an innocent bystander caught in the crossfire around this topic and to feel that any action we take will leave us open to charges o f censorship or advocacy. T hough I am extrem ely wary of soliciting any more letters on this subject, if there is a Solom on among you who can come up with a way of ending this debate or at least engendering some mutual respect among the participants, please come forward. A new issue was dealt with in our “Call to D ialogue.” Harry H ay’s concept o f a “third gender” has been an important one and has provided a theoretical basis for a lot of the self-exploration and political action that has taken place in the gay movem ent in general and the faerie comm unity in particular. But it provides no perspective for understanding b ise x u ality . S ta rfire John w rote o f his e x p erien c e s o f being sc a p eg o a te d at a gathering in Malibu. W hether his account was entirely unbiased or not, it does raise the issue o f how b ise x u a ls are tre a te d in o ur community. I know of bisexual men who are unsure of their reception among us as well as others who feel entirely com fortable in the faerie com m unity. If we could keep the political diatribes to a m inim um and hear stories of people’s experiences and em otions, we would probably all gain from it. This was originally conceived of as an issue highlighting Fiction with the possible acronym "Realism , Fiction, and Dialogue.” There were five stories printed as well as a long narrative poem. Andrew Leopard’s “Joe Pagan” had a mythic feel and sensual, vivid language. Alan Irw in’s “ Hom ecom ing” had an unforgettable plot, fast pacing, and a satisfying ending. “Thick Dick” by George Spelvin had realistic characters and presented the reader with a not uncom m on dilem m a — what to do when a connection made out of sexual desire turns out to have been unw ise. Jeffrey M. W alker’s “ Inside O ut" was a very moving story of how a man was Finally able to face his fears when he knew he had som eone who loved him. 36

“The Fairiest T ale,” by Daniel M. Jaffe was a lig h th earted fable, alm ost in the style of “ F ractu red Fairy T ales” com plete with a really bad pun at the end. O f my own “Daring to D ream ,” I will simply say that even though it was written nine years ago and some o f the political references seem really dated, I am still proud o f it. Issue #75, “ Recalling Form er Decades” featured the beginning o f our tw enty year retrospective. Though it seems too contrived to try to do a retrospective o f the retrospective, I do want to say that the one this issue, which I was not involved with, was both a fascinating history and a visual delight. Inspired by Peter Baker’s column, Stephen Berg started his own instructional colum n, “G e n tle m e n ’s C h o ic e .” H is histo ry and advice for quilt m aking further the aim that RFD has always had of giving people tools for living rurally. W hether the reader decides to produce h andcrafted q u ilts for sale or to produce an object that can be used in the cold w in te r m o n th s , th is c o lu m n o ffe rs opportunities to develop pride in ones own abilities and craftsm anship. M oreover, the nature o f quilts, made up o f various scraps of fabric, gives the reader the option of piecing to g eth e r th eir own or a n o th e r’s personal history in an object. K hirShananda’s music review is an homage to RuPaul. As he says in his open letter, “You are m aking political and social statem en t’s through your m usic....I challenge you to c o n tin u e y o u r m essa g e o f lo v e and u n d e rs ta n d in g o f o n e a n o th e r .” T he phenom enon o f a black drag queen being on the top 40 m usic c h arts w as certain ly unexpected. I hope it is giving Jesse Helms nightm ares and giving ideas to people who feel that c o n fo rm in g to som eone e ls e ’s standards is the only way to succeed. “Fairy A rchives” this issue was a retelling of th e J a p a n e s e s to ry “ O ld M an Chrysanthem um .” I am alw ays pleased when we include A sian and A frican sto ries to counterbalance the predom inantly European m ythology that often pervades the faerie m ovem ent. T his story is a p a rticu la rly beautiful one of love of nature com bined with love of one man for another. This issue also featured a portfolio of the works of Mark Chester, a San Francisco gay p h o tographer who d efines h im self as “a hom oaffectional radical sexualist.” RFD Press hopes to issue a book of his work in the near future. Issue #76, “Relax, Folks! D ream !” had a striking cover o f a w inter scene at Short Mountain drawn by Mark Kuszmaul. The gate that is in the center of the drawing was built by Scott Love, a form er resident, now seeking his fortune on the west coast. Phil W oodw ard’s article, “ A D ream Becomes Reality,” is the story of how IDA, a neighboring com m unity to Short M ountain was started. W hile the article was only written nine months ago, it is startling how much has changed since then. As one o f the original eight residents, I clearly rem em ber the events Phil described. Many of the ideas we had back then have tak en form ro u g h ly as we envisioned them. But we had no idea o f the extent to w hich our ideas and even our personalities would have to change in this situation. One of our original residents left due to illness and later died o f A ID S-related com plications. One o f the others left for a more private living situation. And three more people joined us with their own energy and ideas. We talk far more than any of us would have thought necessary. W e laugh far more than any o f us would have thought possible. And we are forced to constantly take into account the desires and life-strategies o f eight

other strong-m inded faenes. At our worst, we frustrate each other with objections to each others plans that complicate the simplest task At our best we pull off incredible feats that none o f us could have even conceived of alone. In the end it is the land that unites us* each of us is awestruck by the natural beauty h ere. A nd, w hile it o ften m akes us uncomfortable, we come to value the sense that we are surrounded by people who know us far better than what we are accustomed to. It may not alw ay s feel like love, but it is an undeniable intimacy.

One o f the issues that com es up in com m unity is the purchase o f luxuries. One that we haven’t been able to give up is real maple syrup. Dancing M ane’s article in the gardening section suggested a m ethod of decreasing the amount we buy. His advice for tapping maple trees in his piece called “Maple Orgasm ” seems clear and easy to follow. Now we just have to check and make sure that we actually have m aple trees on the property other than the four-foot sapling in the front yard. “ Down Home E rotica” reappeared this issue. It was an upbeat contrast to the article by Stephen Donaldson that followed it on sex and rape in prison. That in turn was followed by an article on the “Gay Spirit Visions Conference. Three artists in different m edia were highlighted this issue. “The Man who Fell in Love with B eing,” was an interview o f the w riter Tom Spanbauer by JanN athan Long. The poetry section was devoted this time to the w orks o f E dw ard M ycue. “The P ersonal Becomes Political Becom es Spiritual” was a photo essay by Keith Gemerek, also known as Keisha Lorraine. This issue also contained the results of the RFD reader survey. It would be difficult to summarize the results. L et’s just say that you are even a more diverse group in term s of your lives and likes than even we would have suspected. 1 rem em ber issue #77 well. Its acronym “ Rushed For D eadline,” may give you some idea why. Last winter was the coldest one here in many years. Most of the residents of both Short M ountain and IDA m anaged to escape to w arm er clim ates for at least part o f the season. Huddled around the wood stoves when we returned, we hurried to complete the issue. But w inter isn ’t the best tim e for a solarpowered com puter to recharge its batteries. R eluctantly, we ran the gen erato r alm ost constantly in the last few days before the issue was sent to the printer. Jockeying for time at the com puter and the layout area left some of us w orking late into the night or even until dawn. (I would be lying, though, if I claim ed that this was the only tim e we

panicked as deadlines drew' near.) There w as quite a range of articles on rural gay life. Aside from our own "Living on the B ody” and “C ountrs Jou rn al," there were three other essays. “Q ueers in the W oods of Idaho" by C raig Opal Joyner encouraged people to come join him in living with a group of other m em bers o f Earth First in trying to preserve the greater Salmon/Selway Ecosystem, “ an im m e n se w ild e rn e s s c o m p le x o f 6.000.(X)0 acres, the largest in the continental U .S .” In “ G reetin g s from the M ountain M enschen," Lee L aw rence wrote about his ex p erien ces at Lee V alley Farm and the opportunity he offers to others to experience rural life there. He also told how he found a partner. A dam H ow ard, through the RFD Contact Letters. “Three Faces o f Destiny” was a report from a new faerie sanctuary in V erm ont. A gnes, G abriel, and Endora each told o f their excitem ent in discovering the property and their visions for the future. We have recently been informed that they may be in the process o f being forced out by new landlords. H opefully, this will not come to pass. It is a fear that all o f us share who rent while accum ulating money to purchase our hom es. For photography, we were able to present both the work o f Stephen Baratz and our own “Downhome E rotica.” Stephen’s photos were all taken at the 1993 Spring Gathering and it was a pleasure to have a professional’s photos o f som e o f our w ildest tim es. “Downhome E r o tic a ” had its p a g es in a d v e rte n tly transposed making for a som ewhat confusing layout. Oh well, that’s downhom e production for you.

The best poetry and fiction in this issue all reflected the grow th and prom ise o f the season. Tim W heeler’s “ A Spring B lessing” was a fresh and joyous story of remembrance. A ndrew L e o p a rd ’s “ T he B e g in n in g o f Spring” and Jon M eehan’s “ Blue M ountain L ake" described spring in very different poems, but both with a language that allowed us to experience nature with them as well as their emotions. Jon G reenberg’s “The M etaphysics of AID S” presented an intriguing and original view of AIDS that I’m sure could stim ulate much lively discussion. It m akes us realize how much we lost with Jo n ’s death, though he would probably have urged us to grow by the experience, rather than mourn. Issue # 7 8 , " R e s u rre c t F ierce Disobedience,” came out in time for the 25th anniversary of the Stonewall riots. It sported vibrant covers by Jombi W omp Womp that we hope will be the first o f many. Two articles gave us updates on the two newest faerie sanctuaries. “Snow H enge” by Tom Stama described a spring gathering at Destiny Lodge in Verm ont, focusing on the atm osphere o f magic and celebration, “ ...and T hey N am ed H er ID A ” by M axZ ine Weinstein used a series of acronym s to enliven his h istory o f the re ce n tly -n a m e d IDA community in Tennessee. The article reflected 37

both his irreverence and his pride in his new home M eanw hile, back at the Sanctuary, Robin and Sylvan’s “C ountry Journal" was one of their more introspective entries as they discussed life’s basic incomprehensible nature. Jan ’s "Living on the Body o f the M ountain,” on the other hand, was more a narrative of events than usual as he told o f the traum atic death of the three adult goats in May of 1993. Some quick notes: Peter Baker addressed the topic of pie fillings this issue - let me at those blueberries again! Yang Dejun gave us another “ Letter From C hina," unfortunately only slightly more hopeful than the first. There was a short Faerie Guide to Stonewall 25. A. Vera and Antler both had evocative poems this time around. Three good fiction pieces this issue: “Sex Talk With Vivian” by K Thaddeus Paulsen (unfortunately pasted up out o f sequence), “G oing to Florida" by Daniel Raphael, and "A Friend in Need” by James Medley. The “ R em em bering Our Friends and Loved O nes” section this time around was especially difficult for me. I knew all four men c o m m e m o ra te d th e re and all o f the descriptions seemed inadequate to convey who these men were and the im portance they played in my and other’s lives. Steve Kasper, particularly, seem ed to deserve more o f an epitaph than we gave him. Let me just add that Kasper was a man who celebrated m en’s roughness and w ildness but m anaged to combine that in his life with tenderness and respect for others.

One section that we have not mentioned often in this retrospective is the “Contact L etters,” though we know that for many of our readers this is the heart o f the magazine. Tim Kelleher did the typing and layout for this issue, though it is normally done by Mark Kuszm aul. L ooking through it now I am inspired to write a couple of letters It would be great to hear from couples who met through this section. M aybe we could do a special Valentine’s feature in the winter issue. Thanks to the readers who encouraged us in this endeavor and to the writers who gave us som ething to look back upon. Having read several thousand pages of RFD in the past year, I am more convinced than ever that what we do here is valuable. And 1 am more grateful than ever that I am part of this great amorphous group of people who stimulate me with their ideas, seduce me with their dreams, and touch my heart in so many ways that I barely remember what it was like to feel atone. With that said, our Retrospective is Finally Done.

# 5 9 -F '8 9 -R io to u s Fag s Descend Faene Action Gathenng Report; Granite Greeting Cards. Hanry Hay on StonewaH's 20th. NAMBLA Controversy; How Much Wood in a Cord?; Lots of Fiction

Catch Up on 20 Fabulous Vears! If you were there, you know how fabulous they were Now here's a chance to walk down memory lane. But even if you haven't been around as long as we have, there are lots of good reasons to order back issues Not only can you indulge your curiosity and learn more about our queer past; you can also enjoy erotica, homesteading tips, politics, recipes, poetry, gardening info and lots more. So check out the listings offered below You’ll not only be filling out your collection a n d supporting R F D you'll also be helping us to clean out the barn.

# 6 0 -W '8 9 - R e -a d d r e s s in g F a e r ie D o c t r i n e s Faerie Vision Feature; NAMBLA Dialogue; Lee Valley Farm;Wmter Photography; Bru Dye on Urban Magic #61 -S p '9 0 -R a g in g F o re ig n D ia tr ib e Canadian Gays Feature; Photography of Gary Plouft; Why So Few Faeries of Color?; Church Ladies for Choice # 6 2 -S u '9 0 -R a n d y F a e rie 's D ile m m a Getting Tested; Jim Jackson's Drawings; Solar Power; Black Leather Wings; Fiction

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# 1 6 - S u ' 7 8 -Sissy/Butch; The Joy of Sisters # i7 -F '7 8 -R a m b lln g s From D ix ie Life in Southern Intentional Communities # 1 8 W '7 8 R e v o lu tio n a r y

# 4 4 -F '8 5 -R ig h t w ln g F a s c is ts D e s c e n d Gays Facing Racism Feature; Masturbation; Politics of AIDS; Prison Rape

# 6 3 -F '9 0 -R o o s t e r F o o s te r D o o s te r Franklin Abbot: What To Do When Shit Happens; Sex and The Shaman, Journal of a Grass Harvest

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# 6 4 -W '9 0 - R e lig io u s ly F la v o r e d D o g g e r e l Men's Fest Raid; James Broughton: Long Live Gaiety; Santena W edding

# 3 1 - S u '8 2 - R e c la lm in g F o r g o tte n D e s e r t s Southwest Desed Plants; Tools lor the Homestead; Homos in Argentina; Travels in Mexico; Thhvmg as Gays in Small-town America # 3 3 -W '8 2 - R a p p o r t F ro m D o w n u n d e r Australian Faerie Gathenng; l Ching Reading, How To Fast; Ritual and Community. Commitment of Non-violent Sex Offenders; Parsnips

# 1 3 - F '7 7 - R e c r u lt ln g F e m in is t D rak es Aging. Dowsing tor Water # i 4 - W ’7 7 -V is u a ls other Graphic Art

# 2 8 F '8 1 - R e a li t y F in a lly D a w n s Gay Alcoholism Feature; Astral Projection; Gay and Bi Sexulaity and Planet Survival

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D e s ire Sissies. Making Baskets from Twine # i 9 - S p ' 7 9 -A Boy's Trees; Eulogy for Harvey Milk # 2 0 -S u ’ 7 9 -R o a r in g F re s h D e c is io n s Gay Awareness and the First Americans, Wild Fruits, Victorian Queens; Long Hair: Love It or Lose It #21 - F '7 9 - R ig h t f u lly F e e lin g D e le rlo u s Organizing Campesinos m So. Texas; Forging Community in So Verm on t. Reminiscence of Woodstock # 2 2 - W '7 9 - R e t u r n ln g F o re s t D a rlin g s 1st Radical Faerie Gathering; Backwoods Boyhood, Country Survival by Mail Order Retailing # 2 3 - S p ' 8 0 -Sweet Anarchy; Combatting the Corporate Food Chain, Fathers # 2 6 - S p '8 i - M e n 's M u s ic Genocide in Guatemala; Outhouses; Edible Wildflowers, Goat Cheese # 2 7 -S u '8 1 -R h y m ln g For D aze Poetry Feature. Self-definition of Gay Labels; Herbal Medicine Chest; French Intensive Gardening

# 3 4 - S p '8 3 -R o o ts , F a e rie s , D re a m s Early R F D History; Will Roscoe questions The Faerie Phenomenon; Chain Saw Guide; Radical Spirituality

Men's Lib? # 4 6 - S p '8 6 R e a lly F a b u lo u s D ish Dishing Feature; The Shawl Tells All; Cnt's Last Story # 4 7 - S u ' 86 -R e lis h in g F r ie n d ly D e s ir e s Is Loving Your Best Friend Adultery?; Sex with Friends; Canoe Camping, Household Hazards # 4 8 -F '8 6 -R is k in g F e d e ra l D i s a p p r o v a l Raising Exotic Animals; Composting Toilets; Taking Impressive Photographs; Sodomize for Freedom # 5 0 -S p '8 7 - R e jo lc ln g In F la m b o y a n t D iv e r s it y Why I Pander; Monks on the Road; Gay Poets; Gays in M ythology

# 3 5 -S u '8 3 -R o s e b u r g F a g g o ts & D y k e s Rural Oregon Feature; High School Homo, God as Female. Gay Mother Goose

# 51 -S u ’8 7 -R e fle c tin g a F o ru m of D r e a m e r s Enjoying Sale Sex; The Uncoupled Male; Bio-Diversity;Walking for Health

# 3 6 -F '8 3 -R h y th m lc Faggot D e le ria Interview with Faygeie; Gay Health Crisis; Lunar Gardening

# 5 2 -F '8 7 -R o ik a : F ro g s k in s D i s c a r d e d Joseph Kramer on Discarding Fantasy; Approaching Spiritual Maturity; What's a Radical Faerie?; Love & Intimacy; Coming Out Late

# 3 7 -W '8 3 -R a d lc a l F a iry D ig e s t Community,Gatherings & Sanctuary, Boy Love Is Natural; Meeting Walt Whitman # 3 8 -S p '8 4 - R e F o c u s ln g D re a m s Dream Feature; R F D Staff Profiles; Aging Sagely; Faygele's Ruggele Recipie

# 5 4 - S p / S u '8 8 - R i g h t e o u s l y F u n c tio n a l D rag Drag Feature; Politics of Cross-dressing, Easy-Care Herb Garden; Why Aren't Lesbians Pretty?

# 3 9 -S u '8 4 - R e t r o s p e c tiv e For a D e c a d e R F D 's 1st Ten Years; Gay Balls and Carnivals; Jail is...Sexuality

# 5 5 -F '8 8 -R o n d o s F o r tis s im o s D im in u e n d o s Fey Music Feature; Civil Disobedience Cut or Uncut

# 4 0 - F '8 4 - R e - s o u n d in g F o r g o tt e n D rum s Native-Amencan Berdache; Interviews with Ron Lambe and Milo Guthrie; Pigs and Homesteading # 4 1 - W ' 8 4 -Gay Bike-Tour of China; Most Gay-tolerant States; Aardvark Follies

# 5 6 -W '8 8 - R e -e v a lu a tin g Food and D r u g s Wholistic Diet Feature; Iconoclast's AIDS Treat-ment; Mark Skinner Photography; Gardens in Winter

# 4 2 -S p '8 5 -R x For D e lig h t Compost: Nature's Healer; Politics of Obscenity; Homestead Financial Planning; The Shawl; Milo's Political Campaign

# 5 7 -S p '8 9 - R e b lr t h From th e D e s e r t Spirituality Feature; The Faerie Shawl; Faerie Direct Action; What to Do When the FBI Calls

# 4 3 -S u '8 5 - R e la t iv e Fo rm s of D e s ire So You Want to Go to a Gathenng; Organic Chickens; Sex in the Boonies, Snake Gardening

# 5 8 -S u '8 9 -R e a m s of F ic tio n D i s p a t c h e d David Leavitt Interview; How to Become a Vegetarm; Falling In Love Again; Faenes Dont Get AIDS; Molested (NAMBLA dialogue); New-Age Brain Rot; Lots of Fiction

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# 6 5 - S p '9 l - R u t t i n g For D i s a r m a m e n t Draft Resistance; Devic Gardening; Just Say Yes: Worship Naked # 6 6 - S u '9 i - R e s o l v i n g F u n d a m e n ta l D i f f e r e n c e s John Burnside: What's a Radical Faerie?; Giving Your Lover NextOf-Kin Rights; Prairie Plants # 6 7 -F '9 l- R a in b o w F a e ry D a n c e rs Letter From a Prison Punk; Rainbow Gathering; Old Cars; Faeries in Sodom # 6 8 W '9 1 - R e a l it i e s From a D i s t a n c e Leo Spruell on PhaHic Mysterios of Mexico; Gay Spirit Visions Coni.; Havoc's Faerie Tales; James Broughton: The Holiness of Sexuality # 6 9 -S p '9 2 - R lm m in g For D l n g l e b e r r i e s Humor Issue; Agnes' Nose;Saga of Pomp Kiersey; Joan Jett Blakk for Prez; Spring Rowers # 7 0 - S u ’ 9 2 - R io t s ! F re e d o m ? D i s m a y ... Crazy Owl on Miso; Outwrite Conference; Rock Walls and Sex #71 - F '9 2 -R e u s a b le F lo ra l D ia p e rs Chicago Faeries Feature; Faery Songs of Yore;Eating Weeds; Lots of Fiction # 7 2 -W '9 2 - R e fo r m a t t in g For D is k s Wood-fired Hot Tub; Ornamental Grasses: Down Home Erotica; Travels in Mexico; Ronnie and Clyde # 7 3 -S p '9 3 - R a lly ! F la m e !! D e m o n s t r a t e ! ! ! Dime Store Sex; RFD Questionaire; Joy of Nudism # 7 4 -S u ’9 3 -R e c u p e ra tin g F rom D.C. Harry Hay: Neither Boy Nor Girl; Starting Trees from Seed; NAMBLA Blah-Blah; Letter from China; Donny-the-Punk in Russia; Molested? # 7 5 -F '9 3 -R e c a llin g F o rm e r D e c a d e s 20th Anniver-sary Retrospective: Issues 1-16; Photography of Mark Chester; 1st Quilting Column; Why Cakes Fail # 7 6 -W ’9 3 -R e la x , F o lk s ! D rea m ! NAMBLA Dialogue; IDA Community Forms;Retrospective: Issues 17-32; Maple Syruping; Photos by Keith Gemerek; Tied Up and Fucked Like a Pig;Questk>naire Results # 7 7 -S p '9 4 available

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NOTES ON STONE WALL

by jombi I hope that everyone had a very happy an d enjoyable sum m er. It's b een h ectic w ith all the various even ts during the Stonewall 2 5 celebrations. Atlanta Gay Pride w as fun alth ou gh w h en we arrived in P ied m ont Park after the m arch, there w as a down pour, w h ich help cool dow n th o se 9 0 p lu s d egrees. A fter the park so m e o f u s from Short Mtn. a n d IDA w ere treated to a w onderful d in n er party, h o sted by S tacy Blake, h is brother Tim, and Kurt. T hanks g u ys for b ein g so g raciou s from all o f us. T he S ton ew all 25 C om m ittee seem to have gon e well out o f its' w ay in p u ttin g the a ssim ila tio n ist gays an d the rest o f the gay com m unity against each other w ith the ob v io u s ex clu sio n o f the people w ho started the w hole th in g nam ely the DRAG QUEENS an d the so called frin ge elem en ts. How iron ic? T he com m ittee to my ob servation, h a s rid icu lo u sly tried to create th is so o th in g gay pill for m iddle A m erica to swallow. Who g ives a dam n if th ey don't lik e it? The Stonew all 25 C om m ittee w as ob viou sly thinking m arketability and "sell-appeal.' How absu rd ly tra n sp a ren t Do th ese people really think th at all gay people are w h ite m iddle c la ss m en w ho go sh o p p in g at Ikca for furniture and buy m atching Calvin Klein boxers? HOW BORING!! So lets erase their agen d a and write our own. T he w hole p oin t o f th e gay lib eration m ovem ent is to allow gay people o f all p e r su a sio n s to feel free to ex p ress th em selv es a s part o f the h um an race, w ith ou t feeling the h a ra ssm en t and rejectio n s that are part and parcel to a h om ophobic com m unity. 1 a lso found the gay g a m es to be a b it o f a let down. Gay people have been in sp orts for years, b ig deaL T he two cool th in g s that I a tten d ed w ere th e a e r o b ic s/p h y siq u e co m p etition and the Faerie O lym pics w h ich w a s held in Prospect Park, Brooklyn, am ong a cast o f thousands. Several o f the c o n te sta n ts w ere d isq u a lified for NOT ch eatin g but everyone was a w in n er. T h e m o st rew arding e x p e r ien ce for m e in New York w as b ein g a part o f the alternative m arch up F ifth Avenue, w h ich I could only g u c ss.w a s m uch m ore fun than the leg a l m arch, w h ich m oved via the UN. W ith Mayor G houliani at the head o f the march. T he Mayor w anted to cut AIDS so cia l serv ices in the City of New York w ith a population the s iz e o f som e cou n tries. ACT-UP, the R adical F aeries and the Lesbian Avengers h ead lin ed the alternative m arch a s a very colourful asso rtm en t o f people. There w as also a cu rio u sly creepy p r esen ce w ith th e S p irit o f Stonew all w h ich w as NAMBLA in disguise. T he one is s u e w ith NAMBLA I do agree w ith is that the age o f co n sen t law s a s we u n d ersta n d th em are vague. I do n o t hear NAMBLA advocate em pow ering children w ith th eir own s e n s e o f sex u a l id en tifica tion . I b elieve ad o lescen ts have enough in telligen ce to m ake up th eir ow n m in d s. A fter the fe stiv itie s in New York w ere over, w e w en t o ff to d e s tin y lodge. New York for m e w as so over the top, I felt if I w anted to breath I n eed ed to b e in a h ig h -r ise on the 4 0 th floor, so leavin g w a s no problem. The seg u e from it all w a s N ortham pton, M ass, w here J a m es, m yself, Matty Boy from Philly and M attison W hitney stayed w ith our good frien d s D avid and Tim, two very sw eet and b eau tifu l men. After M ass, w e h ead ed to D estin y Lodge, near Northfield, V erm on t It*s in a b ea u tifu l rural settin g su rrou n d ed by rolling h ills in a very lovely and idyllic, alm ost ethereal place. V erm ont is hom e to Bread a n d Puppet T heatre, Ben and Jerry's ice cream and the internationally fam ous P ilobolus D ance Company. D estin y strangely w as a converted Girl S cout Camp w here a F aerie sa fe sp a ce had b een created. U nfortunately the land h as b e e n sold, b u t we're h o p in g th ey w ill fin d another sp ace real soon. The folks at D estiny Lodge need all o f our su p p o rt T hey arc still u sin g the sam e ad d ress until further notice. T hey treated u s w ith g r a c io u sn e ss and warm th. T he After the Stonew all G athering w as a real treat â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a party is good w h en th e food is good! I've recen tly heard a n d read in th e A dvocate that our own Super Diva, Space Goddess,' S h am an Ru Paul is no longer doing drag. She's not bad a s a man, but sh e's m ore m agical a s a drag queen. T he fact is I alw ays thought that sh a m a n s and w itch-doctors wore the b e st ou tfits w h ich to m e w as a part o f the m agic that they could conjure. Ru Paul w as not ju st an oth er drag queen, sh e had a v isio n o f love a philosophy that m ade her m u sic work. It w ill b e in terestin g to see ju s t how sh e tra n slates out o f drag â&#x20AC;&#x201D; I think not Will Ru Paul b e ju st a n o th er gay perform er? or SUPER DIVA SHAMAN?! Also, couldn't The A dvocate a sk a better q u estio n th an one about the w hole tragedy o f OJ. Sim pson. Or was it Bart? W ith G ratitude in m y Attitude, Jom bi. W. Womp 39 v

(JJrM r ie c5*<*ggot Awai^ens to (7/is Queer ^Powers b y cD o n a ld cE n g stro m

MEDICAL MARIJUANA LEGALIZATION B ro w n ie M a ry 's

In this age of modern medicine have we lost compassion for the people around us that are in need. There are people of all ages that are suffering from pain and depression caused by AIDS, cancer, chronic pain, glaucoma and many other ailments that could be treated by the use of Marijuana as medicine. This hook contains information on the medical uses of marijuana, recipes, the stories of Brownie Mary and Dennis Peron, some history of marijuana, the Marijuana Buyers Club, and some other interesting facts. Here are some quotes from the book.

Marijuana Cookbook “Amy Casey, the president of Nurses for Social Respon sibility, spoke about her experience with many terminal patients, and how marijuana improves their outlook, helps them to hydrate themselves and generally improves their quality of life.”

and

D e n n is P e ro n 's ?cipe for Social C

“Marijuana has been used legally in the U.S. to control nausea and vomiting, and is known as a potent appetite stimulant.”

The combined work of Mary and Dennis is amazing, both of them donating time, money and devotion to restoring marijuana as medicine, and helping people with AIDS (that Mary calls her kids)

ary Rathb s to ry b y D e n n is 'P e ro n „

'"Thanks to you

t, (political activist and pot advocate)

herHn T b r a l / 't in e u * c c k y o u 'v e

I h o p e e v e r y o n e w h o re a d s th is b o o k w i l l tr y a l l th e re c ip e s a n d

e n jo y th e m w ith th e ir frie n d s a n d f a m ily . I h o p e th e re a d e rs w i l l e n c o u r a g e e v e r y o n e e ls e to b u y th e b o o k , b e c a u s e it's fo r a g o o d cause. I 'm g o in g to c o n tin u e to w o r k a t W a r d 8 6 lik e I h a v e fo r th e la s t n in e y ea rs. I 'm g o in g to c o n tin u e to b a k e m y b r o w n ie s a n d g iv e th e m to m y kid s . I ' l l g o to j a i l fo r w h a t I b e lie v e . W e ' v e g o t to h a v e m e d ic a l

done

"It is criminal to keep this medecine from patients." - Jocelyn Elders, Surgeon General

m a r iju a n a . W e n e e d it n o w ! I 'm s e v e n ty y e a rs o ld . I 'v e h a d a g r e a t life . I j u s t h o p e th a t o n e d a y b e fo r e I d ie , w e h a v e le g a l m a r iju a n a .

B r o w n ie M a r y

If you would like to order the book or just donate money to support the movement you can send an order form to

Americans for Compassionate Use 3745 Seventeenth Street San Francisco, CA 94114 N a m e ..................................................................................................................................

A dd ress............................................................................................. C ity.............................................S tate.....................Z ip................. ___ (H ow m any?) B row nie M ary & D ennis Peron C ook b ook s @ $ 1 0.00 ea= ___ (How m any?) 3-C olor M edical M arijuana T -S h irts @ $10.00 ea= D onations T O T A L (C heck or M oney O rder Included)

3.91 <7 C

"Your cock is forever my G od With my hands, my mouth, my ass. I’ll worship the adorable idol. Celebrate it in a High Mass!" -Paul Verlaine In ancient times, and throughout many cultures, the phallus was worshipped as a symbol of fertility and regeneration. The people viewed it with reverence and awe instead of shame and guilt. They set up altars, created great works of art. anointed it with precious oils and floral garlands, and even baked loaves of bread in the shape of the phallus on holy days. They carried huge phalli in procession through the streets during sacred parades, and virgins abandoned themselves on stone lingams to honor the male God in holy copulation. Unfortunately, in today's world the phallus is accused of being a weapon of power: a gun, an arrow, a torpedo attached to the make interested only in raping women and raging war. It is also symbolized by tall, sleek, high-rise office buildings where cigar-smoking businessmen are always trying to figure out ways to "fuck" each other. Or fast cars, motorcycles and big trucks, all considered extensions of the penis. Have men forgotten what their penis is for? Have they forgotten how to make love with it, instead of war? And if sex is so pleasurable, then what’s the big rush to get it over with? Why do men dwell so much on having an orgasm right away? I have done extensive research on phallic worship in all cultures throughout history, but it would be too much to put in an article here. I put it into manuscript form and entitled it Phallic An. I collected phallic art and ritual objects from all over the world. These are illustrated with the text. Perhaps this will become a book in the future. When I lived in San Francisco, my apartment looked like a modem phallic temple. And while living in Santa Fe, I displayed my own phallic artwork at a "Male Shrine" exhibition. I get many letters from pagan gay men interested in phallic: worship and how they may apply it in their own rituals today. Here are a few suggestions. You may, of course, elaborate and expand on these ideas to suit your own needs or disregard those things you don't feel will work for you.

C&/ Sit on the floor, using cushions or an oriental carpet, and face one another totally naked. You may wish to put on some gentle music tapes (Enya, nature sounds, harps, flutes, classical piano, or Native American songs.) Gregorian chants work best for me. You may also have a pipe nearby with something to help elevate your spirit into a higher realm of being. Avoid alcohol, as it tends to suppress our feelings. At this point you may also want to utilize drums and rattles in your ritual to further elevate your spirits. If you prefer a more quiet time, that's okay too. CS> Caress each other's naked body with soft strokes. You can use a massage oil if‘you like. Don't go for the penis immediately. Let it get hard by itself. Later you can anoint it with oil and gently caress it. Kneel down and kiss the head a few times, then slowly take it into your mouth and swirl your tongue around it gently. Occasionally go all the way down on it and stay there a few moments before coming up to the head. Do this as long as possible without orgasm. If you feel like you may cum soon, take a deep breath, hold it a few moments, then let it out slowly and continue to suck. Remember that the point is not to cum but to keep your/his cock as stiff and full of pleasure as long as possible —a series of peaks and valleys. If you pace yourself, you can do it. Eventually, you/he may wish to cum to release the tension. However, spiritual adepts such as Tantrics choose not to cum, thereby circulating their kundalini energy and feeling their "batteries" charged in the process. Remember: you can always cum when you're having regular sex, but during phallic rituals or tantric sex. you should make an effort not to reach orgasm. The resultant feeling is more special and sacred.

First get your room or space in tidy order and with few * distractions such as ringing telephones, jumping pets, etc. Set aside a time you know will be without demands of employers, friends and relatives. Perhaps you will want to do this once a week, once a month, on special pagan holidays or on equinoxes and solstices. To begin with, you should do this with one other like-minded person, or it could turn into a big orgy with scattered energies and no meaning.

(§ / If you feel you must cum and your partners agrees, then perhaps you can time it so you both cum simultaneously. Or if one of you cums first, the other can use his partner's cum to finish jacking-off. This can be very erotic. Another technique that can feel great is to jack-off with hath cocks in one hand. Following orgasm, you may laugh and feel lightweight, which is a kind of meditation in itself, however temporary.

(§ / You may wish to set up a little table as an altar with fresh flowers, a bowl of fruit, candles, a statue of Pan (if you have one) and phallic objects such as quartz crystal phalluses and other art objects depicting the penis. Avoid using photos from gay porno magazines. If you don't have any phallic art, you may substitute it with phallic-shaped fruits and vegetables (zucchini, bananas, cucumbers). You may also like to add a small framed photo of a past or current lover. Burn some incense or sage/smudge to clear the air and prepare for the ritual.

V/V At any point during the ritual, feel free to pause to light another candle, change the music tape, bum some more incense, share a piece of ripe fruit, take another toke or massage each other's body. Again, there is no rush. Mutual pleasure is the main objective here. You might also recite a poem or some prose with a phallic-love theme, or simply gaze into your partner's eyes and say, "I acknowledge the God in you, dear brother. Blessed be the root of your manhood." C8/ While worshipping (sucking) your partner's phallus, you may wish to sixty-nine. T his can work for some and not for others. I personally prefer to concentrate on one person at a time, acting as recipient of the other's divine adoration.

The next step is most important. Get yourself in the right frame of mind or meditative state. You should not approach this feeling super homy and hungry for sex. Get in touch with your heart and clear your mind. Remember: there is no rush, and nothing to conquer. T here is only you and your partner, willing and ready to honor the male God in each other.

that kind of inclusive vision if Paul hadn’t jumped in and made it clear that inclusion excludes women and slaves, not to mention idolaters and homosexuals. And of course there were limits to Jesus’s own inclusive vision. It is he who gives us such juicy detail about how those thrown into the pit will weep and gnash their teeth. If a religious person really wants to include everyone, isn’t it just more to the point to drop Christianity altogether? A.J. would say so. [Of course. I’m reluctant to let go of the figure of Jesus, love of whom is surely central to my queemess.J But A.J. thinks Judaism has strong points in its favor. The ritual. The identity with a community. To my erstwhile Christian ears, though, this is unpersuasive, since the Torah is one huge description of good versus bad, in versus out, not to mention a chronicle of extraordinary accounts of violence. More so than A.J., I would just as soon find another religious tradition altogether. Problem is, I don’t think any exists that is much better than the I^utheranism I had growing up. The most hip in terms of inclusion is Unitarian Universalism. But, as much as I respect their aims, and the fact that they are decades ahead of the country in terms of gay issues, they seem to be a little disconnected. Socially, they are people that could fit in just about anywhere. Yet religiously there is a conscious effort to bring in all sorts of spiritualities, wise sayings, music from all parts of the globe. I don’t doubt their sincerity. 1just think that you can’t really imbibe poems about earth mothers and creation spirituality if moments later you are hopping into your Ford and driving home to watch a taped episode of "Seinfeld." The words demand a little more than that Or at least 1 think so in my more queer moments. When I’m feeling full of lairy consciousness, I start to think I ought to drink deeply of pagan goddesses and the stories of cults that were displaced by the great Western monotheisms. But I’m always reminded of my friend Amy. a curator. She studied Mesopotamian goddess figurines and realized that when people resurrect these images for modem use, they run two dangers. They want to use them as emblems of the once-recognized power o f women, a power that ought to be recognized again today. Yet if one is really honest about the role these goddesses played, one has to see that they represent many of the same themes- e.g. violence- that people are trying to reject in patriarchal religion. And if one is not honest, isn’t one just doing a sort of cultural imperialism, rewriting the meaning of a figurine in a twentieth-century way, but not caring how the culture producing the figurine understood it? Several hours after A.J. and 1 left the MCC church service, I walked up to him at the living room table, where he was working on his pet project, a play. And I announced, boldly and proudly, that I had come to a realization about religion and God and gods: since we have no proof for any of it and since all religions are stories and since none of the stories work for me, I (we) have to write our own stories. This is one way of looking at how fairies talk about goddesses and elves and other figures on the margin of Western thought. One might be wrong in thinking that this was the original meaning of the names invoked. But the larger point is— what story are you, gay brother, telling? What does your god or spirit or goddess look like? How do we know her? How does she speak to you, and what does she say? My story is about gurus. 1 have met only one guru in my life (only one that I was told was a guru, at least)- Ganapati, who sat at the feet of Muktananda. And I wonder if one day I will be a guru. And in the meantime I look for the guru (who is said to be omnipresent) in daily events. [This is not much different from how I once looked for the Holy Spirit in all things, except that now the Bible has no role, and 1 don’t have to go around veiling a woman every time she wants to talk in church. | And I have learned that the guru takes different forms at different times. For now, A.J. is my guru. This is not because he is a god among men, or because he is simply divine, though indeed he is both. It is because when we are together I know that there is nothing else in the universe that could be more perfect than that togetherness. The divine is not away from me- it is present in me and with me and between A.J. and I. I do not know whether this will be so forever. But it is so now. And the most sacred thing I can do in life is to be utterly open to that divine presence, as it heals old wounds and lays to rest old quarrels and quiets old voices and builds bridges between me and others. This is my story. The universe gives us our gurus. And our role is to respond without hesitation and reservation, learning what we are to learn. We cannot predict and do not dictate where the guru will appear. But it delights my fairy heart that my guru is where my boyfriend is.

CcP If you don't have a partner at various times, you can still worship your own phallus. Self-love is very important. Use some of the ideas/preparations mentioned above. This can be an elaborate and sacred act of masturbation between you and God. Again, keep it up as long as possible. Those who are more anally oriented may also ritualize your sex act and worship your partner's phallus. A good way to begin is by sitting on your partner's penis and slowly riding up and down, stopping now and then to take a deep breath while his penis remains deep inside you. Reciprocal energy sharing can be achieved in this way. Orgasm is not the goal. If you or your partner know anything of yoga, you may wish to create some other love positions. But please remember to use a condom and stay safe during any type of anal sex. Ctv Keep in mind that you are not just "having" sex; you are also ’giving" sex...as a sacred gift to another person or male God incarnate, and his phallus is just a symbol for the whole human being. Honor his and your own maleness, elevating it above the stereotypes of patriarchal aggression. Use your penis as an instrument of love, not war.

PHALLIC IMAGES NEEDED FOB ALTAA I am planning a Phallic Worship altar here at PANTHEOS SANCTUARY in honor of the great god Pan. I am seeking photographs (icons) of your big, erect cock to include in the altar. Also accepting phallic artwork and images of Pan (wood carvings, paintings,drawings, metal, pottery, stone, etc.). Please ship all packages parcel post. Art contributors will receive a free one-year subscription to PANTHEOS - National Newsletter for Gay Pagan Men, including a personal ad. For more information on the newsletter, send a stamp to: PANTHEOS - National Pagan Gay Men’s Network. For more information on their newsletter, send a stamp to : Pantheos, PO Box 9543, Santa Fe, NM 87504.

C h o o s in g

J2-4?Licju?rj :

A Love by’ J o b n

Jo n es

My boyfriend A.J. and I— actually, my guru and I, but more about that in a moment- went to a Metropolitan Community Church service last weekend. 1 had been once before, in the summer of 1993, but had attended with a woman friend, which I half-believed meant 1 had cheated. I wanted to share the experience with A.J. It’s part of how 1 want to build bridges, by including other people in things that have some ritual or symbolic significance to me. Such as, in my case, Christian worship. The service was a disaster and we left early. Actually, we would have stayed no matter how bad the service was, but the room was very hot and I was getting light-headed (or was it all psychosomatic?). What I hoped would happen is that I would be reminded how, even in the umbrella of Christianity, brothers and sisters are working to build, to speak the message of love for people who have been hated. And, indeed, the activities of the congregation announced in the bulletin all seemed to involve community outreach and an awareness that there is a lot of healing, a lot of building, to be done. Service to AIDS patients. Discussions about a book on gay theology. Ktc. I was impressed by how much love and community the pastor and celebrants had been able to weave into the Christian framework. The problem was that they didn’t seem to realize how even the framework pits us against them, in versus out. For instance, the congregation used hymns that were gender neutral in referring to God. That was a good start, a way not to limit God to masculine terms. But then the reading for the day was Kphesians 2:13-22, which includes the following; "He [Christ Jesus| has abolished the law with its commandments and ordinances, that he might create in himself one new humanity in place of the two...” A.J., who is an agnostic Jew, did a great job of not yelling out loud at this reading. Yet later on he commented, "What this kind of Christianity amounts to is ’We don’t want to obey your laws; we want to write new ones.’ " A.J. is right. Christianity would have a much stronger claim for

As a child growing up in the English countryside, I always enjoyed visiting the castles and numastic ruins, the old stately homes, pre historic stone circles and ancient monuments that Mere a regular part o f ourfamily's yearly week-long holidays together. Leaving behind the farm and the usual family life, a long car journey would end in some unknown part o f the country. My imagination fired by the places where once people li\ed and gathered, the mystery surrounding ancient sites made nu>re curious by the little written on the official plaques that told the facts o f the place. Wondering ami dreaming about how these people lived, how they dressed and spoke, how they survived the cold o f winter, how they worked the lami, how they celebrated their li\>es. Touching in awe the majestic king stone 1 would feel the strong presence caught in the ancient nx'k. Gazing out o f glass-less window holes I imagined some other child gazing and contemplating life innumerable years ago. At Hampton Court Palace, a gift from Cardinal Wolsey to Henry; VIII, we walked the hedge maze. Losing ourselves down dead ends, finding ourselves in the same spot twice. I went with mum, my sister with dad, all giggling with pleasure. Hiding and finding our way, hearing the others on the other side o f the hedge and not being able to see them, sharing the game with King Henry, o f course dressed in full monarchical regalia, chasing the latest in his long stream o f wives. Eventually we all came to the center and dad took our photos. When I was twelve or thirteen and an avid twice weekly kids 'magazine' programme on feature about a ditch maze somewhere in the waist-deep, the maze the size of a field.

viewer of Blue Peter, a TV, I was excited by a countryside. The paths

Fast-run filming o f the presenter chasing round the trenches, turning back only to get lost again, cartoon music, melodramatic waving o f arms and tearing o f hair as the maze fools his attempts to find a way out. I went straight outside, to my comer of a field where the shed that I called my Museum stood. It was here that I spent many hours alone creating fantasies and imaginary worlds. Here where I had my first solo sexual experiences, and where, unknowingly, 1 began to develop an awareness of the spirit in nature, its seasons and times for planting, growth, harvesting and laying fallow. I began to dig my own ditch maze. It was a lot more work than I’d imagined, not really big enough to get lost in. certainly not waist-high and no one else came to walk it. But / did. Slowly following the random path in the rich fertile soil. Still there would be another project to begin soon after, a rockery perhaps or a weed garden, a crazy golf pitch or some other ever-changing "tourist attraction."

The maze became a memory, apart from trying to help Tom catch Jerry on the puzzle pages o f comic books... Until one Summer Solstice years later. It was the 1990 Glastonbury festival. A 100 acres of hippies, anarchos, ravers and punkers, suburban kids and organic farmers camping out in the mud. Everyone making the whole show their own, creating their own stages, cafes, open-air cinemas, fires, music and trips. Wandering in wonder. I had found a gathering of my own people. So many free spirits The Shepherd's Race, a turf maze 37ft in diameter, which stixxt on common land outside Boughton Green, Northamptonshire. "Treading together in the countryside, people who I had longed to feel a the maze" was part o f a three day June Fair, granted a Royal Charter in togetherness with as I explored the London streets — streets where so 1353. A villager later wrote how, as a boy treading the maze with his many different ways meet and cross but seem to disappear at the next friends, he felt "...an indefinute persuasion o f something unseen ant turn. Here at the festival everyone seemed friendly and welcoming as unknown co-operating with them.' we tried-out everything, or at least had a look. Eventually we came to It wav destroyed by the army during WWI training exercises the Green Fields, the camp farthest from the main stage where the big bands play. Past the sign that says No Entry at the beginning of the path to the Travelers' encampment, up the hill, through the teepee circle, to where it is peaceful, where the folks have come to enjoy the country and this yearly coming together. Here I see a little sign that says ’’Maze". Laying in the grass were circles of small stones. One after the other we entered, me, a friend and my brother. Twisting and circling, moving towards and away from the center, feeling a growing exhilaration, laughter from nowhere, walking the path, I don't seem to have made any direction choices yeti my brother, Ian, said. It was true. We had all expected a maze to be full of trick ends and returns, like the stately hedges of Hampton Court, but this one just led you along weaving in and out until we were spiraling the center, closer and closer to those sitting there. We came to rest with them, glowing. There's a couple of girls, an older hippie man smiling content, and a little incarnation of Krishna in dirty army surplus with blond, filthy dreads. Welcome to the center o f the labyrinth, he smiles. You have just walked a crooked mile, and they say if you walk in without crossing over the edges

o f the path you're charged with positive energy, l^eave a gift at the center... anything... a stone, a hair, even a thought, and leave the same way you came then you'll take that energy with you. continued over

L a b y rin th s continued. He handed me his burning pipe, not knowing the seed he had planted in me. I smiled and closed my eyes and wished. Just to come back and walk the labyrinth again. Rob left a couple of cigarette papers to be found eagerly by some other wandering soul. Ian left a smile. Sitting on a hill over looking the festival and beyond, out into the countryside, hedgerows and fields. Glastonbury Tor a mile or so behind us. The night was a bluey grey, and we walked out into it. It was the year of the Poll Tax Riots. Maggie Thatcher had gone too far by placing a uniform tax on the heads of all adults after ten years of a repressive Tory government. They had outlawed the unions, CND, the elected Metropolitan Councils, local authority support of lesbians and gays, while feeding work to their friends the road builders and developers, creating unwanted highways through rural areas and high-rise office blocks in working class communities. Dismantling the National Health service, cutting social security to a bare minimum, giving the police force more power, arming and training riot squads that would turn up at the most peaceful demonstrations. I had stood in disbelief when I saw the horseback-charge into people who had come to peacefully demonstrate against the Tax, just to give the advantage to the police when those most aggrieved by the selfish government reacted in the only way they saw left to them â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to fight the system with their fists. The riots were used to scapegoat the Travelers. These modem day gypsies had developed a lifestyle roaming the country in their vans and buses, sometimes living in communities when they found a spot secluded enough not to draw the attention of the police or the wrath of the locals. There had been a lot of media attention focussed on this loose but supportive community, and a lot of lies and misinformation printed. It was now tradition that Glastonbury Festival was the meeting place at the beginning of summer for these people, who would then travel together creating Free Festivals around the country. 'Fhis movement had been gaining strength during the eighties as more and more people searched for a way to live with a closer connection to nature and away from the urban environment, homelessness, and poverty. The land long since takenjthe only option was to get a van and make use of the little common land left dotted around the country.

From top to bottom: The labyrinth is central to the mythology o f the Hopi Indians o f the South West. Except for the straight edges, it is the same design as that o f the Cretan maze with its seven circuits as found on a coin discovered on the island. This pattern is also found in the walls o f older churches in Western Britain, and is named caerdroia in Welsh, which may refer to the city o f Troy (Caer -city, droia -Troy.) A stone labyrinth sited on the coast o f Finland. While the turf maze is unique to Britain, mazes laid out in stone, some o f which would require several people to move, are found on the high points and along the coasts o f Scandinavia and Iceland. The design is the same as the Cretan labyrinth but has eleven pathways to follow. Below this, the labyrinth o f Chartres CathedraL

The spirtual is political. Because the spiritual must be about allowing ourselves to fully express our desires...Anâ&#x20AC;&#x2122; it harm none do what you will...and it is every person's right to do what they will under the sky in the open air, celebrating life, enjoying their bodies, gathering and partying togther â&#x20AC;&#x201D; to dance like a crazy urban shaman high on fresh air to the pounding Techno of the Spiral Tribe, or to space out to the haunting sound of thirteen didgeridoos on another stage set up on the back of a lorry, then to get angry to angry bands like Community Charge or Ozric Tentacles. The spiritual is political because the State is threatened by these human desires and will use all its thin-lipped might and thick-skinned thuggery to suppress it. Hanging out with the anarchists for the first time I realized they were not some strange group so different from myself, but in fact felt a deep connection to their way of thinking, their philosophy and an attraction to their way of life. If in your heart you must follow a path, and that path leads you to be seen as apart from acceptable society then you must follow it. I knew this, being queer, and 1 knew this wanting to spend my time creating theatre, not filling time sheets for some non-descript job. As I sat in the center of this labyrinth I saw where the path I was taking may lead. The sun stays at its most northerly point for three days, and on the third day I returned to the maze. This time I walked its grassy paths alone, the stone edges a little kicked about and less cared for now that the party had been going a few days. Quietly I turned and turned again in the half light of the morning. Walking a maze is simple. There is only the moment, only this step and the next. No hurry to reach the center. No goal. No need to think where you're going or when to turn. It is a place that asks no more of you than to follow its given path, your journey visible around you, protected by it. There is no regret, for you have had no choice, each turn was there for you to make before you reached it, each return because you had to walk that path again. Sitting in the center requires no more than to stay, to be with yourself, and there I watched the sun rise one last time before having to leave the maze and the gift it had given me: a glimpse of myself and a way of being that until now I had never seen. It rained and was muddy as hell getting out. Back to London, labyrinthine city, cycle despatch riding, working on a market stall, plenty of time to sit and scribble, scribing swirls on paper. Tracing as much as I could in my mind those steps and turns, trying to follow the pattern with my pen. Eventually I came up with my own design which was painted on a large floor cloth to create a labyrinth room for winter solstice celebrations at Hoxton Community Center, East London. Low lights, a little music, some dead branches culled from near by gardens... A friend told me of a rock carving in granite that she ran her finger round when she had visited Tintagel, Cornwall. The snake labyrinth, she whispered down the phone, Felt

smooth like it had been worn down over centuries o f use, or drawn with a finger while the rtK'k was molten.

( up and Ring Marks' are found on rock surfaces mainly in western areas o f Britain. There are many theories about what they may represent, including star maps and fertility symbols, but their similarity to mazes is indisputable.

Piece by piece I gained an understanding of the symbol. There are mazes to be found all over the countryside of England, many that have been in the same place since pre-history, with a religious significance pre-dating Christianity. It was common for villagers to dance and tread the mazes on May Eve and Midsummer, as a fertility rite and a celebration of the sun. 46

When the great Gothic cathedrals were built (1150 -1250 CE) labyrinths were included in the designs. Here there are also carvings of demons copulating and females exposing their genitals with all the joy of an unrepressed sexuality. There are depictions of the Green Man. often homed like the old gods, and in the altars, where Christ hangs weeping for the sins of the world, images of pre-Christian deities and spirits were hidden. These great temples were constructed by masons and architects who were scholars of sacred geometry and a spiritual wisdom that taught of a spiritual harmony through the connection of mind and body and sensual world. A tradition that had developed separately from the Roman Church in Ireland, Britain, and Northern France, where Christianity had included much of what was good and proven in the old religion, including, in some orders, an acceptance of female priests and the female aspects of god. Yet the history of labyrinths is also one of suppression of the simple religions. Soon after these cathedrals were built the long struggle between Irish-based Catholicism and that of Rome ended as the Holy Roman Empire seized control over the minds and spiritual practices of the people of Europe. Through diplomacy, marriage, inquisition, torture and The Burnings the diversity of understanding that was a great part of early Christian thinking was suppressed. The labyrinth became a symbolic pilgrimage to Jerusalem, best performed on your knees.

From Brighton l drove cross county, over a year since last visiting Glastonbury-, and arrived there late afternoon, watched the sun go down, slept over night in the van and woke up with the late winter sun. It was a crisp clear morning, I walked around the base of the hill and stood at the begmnning of the trail, the one that charges straight up the side to the top in five minutes. I took this path but half way up, at the stone that stands at the entrance to the maze. I turned left to begin its more secret twisting ascent. Feeling so happy, so relaxed and carefree I walked feeling the misty dew around my ankles, took off my shoes, skimming through the fresh grass towards the top. then down away from the center. Closer, then further, always getting nearer, breathing the fresh morning air and taking time to feel the earth under my feet. The spiral brings us back to and away from each point we have already passed having w-alked a full circle round. I was walking with every man, woman and child who had also w-alked the pattern. Walking with the Ancient Egyptian king-gods who used a maze as a symbolic rejuvenation of vitality, and following the golden thread of Ariadne as it led Theseus out of the dark underworld, home of the half-man half bull Minotaur. Dancing with the pagan peoples throughout history who had celebrated and played in the mazes of England. Scandinavia, Iceland and the New World on May Eve and Midsummer, as 1 now quietly paced the same pathway that the ancients used to approach the top of Glastonbury Tor.

While some of these labyrinths survived, such as that at Chartres Cathedral in France, many were covered over. The octagonal maze of Rheims was destroyed in the 18th century because the canon was annoyed by children seeking out its paths w'hile he preached hellfire and damnation.

The path is still complete, except for the most outer ring which has been eaten up by private gardens on one side, and by a hedge enclosing a cow Field on the other. 1 hopped the hedge checking no one would see me, and I stopped and walked my eyes through the flower beds. Once again at the oase of the hill 1 climbed its steep side to begin circling the inner rings. The last two paths are ill-defined, circling the flat peak, almost there, 1 eventually come to the top. I had walked for an hour or more but I was outside of time. Overlooking the countryside, laying back and watching the sky, 1 felt charged with a life-force that I had not felt for so long. I left a gift, a thought with few words. To live always with this sense of connection to spirit and nature, and to become more human through i t

I had found a small booklet entitled "The Maze of Glastonbury Tor" and had read with fascination the writer's theory that the seven terraces that had evidently been cut into the side of the hill were originally pathways of a caerdroia maze. The tor has been a sacred site for many thousands of years and was shaped around an already existing hill by human hand, in a huge undertaking, to give the impression of a large full belly. Why these ancestors cut a labyrinth into the hillside we may only imagine, the author of the book wrote, but we can be sure of one thing: that they walked it. I needed so bad to get out of the city. Working in a pub full time hearing the chink of coin in cash register a few pennies too many, trying on the barman's many masks, slowly inebriating the all-too-w illing who crept into the glow of the comer pub. Its Victorian plate glass windows had fallen one by one, smashed with bricks by local boys geared-up on hatred or by the frustrated kicks of a drunken customer. One too many stories from the outside world from which I tried to hibernate, just cycling back and forth on my bike, same streets, same city.

The unique Troy Town maze o f Pimperne, Dorset was ’much used by young people on Hotydaies and by ye school-boies" according to John Aubrey, an historian writing in 1686. This unique maze was ploughed up in 1730 at the time o f the ’enclosures’ when local landowners and aristocrats bega/t to fence-in areas tluit had until that point been common land.

First day of February, I borrowed a van and got out of town. Went to Brighton to see my brother and we drove to Beachy Head where lovers and those so lonely speed their cars towards the sea and feel that flying feeling as they leap the lover's leap over the highest cliff on the coast of England, as white as the cliffs of Dover. Funny there’s no fence to stop you contemplating death there. You can look right over and see the rusting wrecks of a couple of cars that didn't quite make it to the waves.

The journey of the maze is one of death and rebirth. Within one lifetime there are many lives. I had reached the center of the labyrinth, and in so doing affirmed the journey I had taken so far and unlocked in my consciousness a deeper spiritual sense that I had no words for and did not yet understand. Birth is the beginning, leaving the labyrinth leads into another, each step closer to a new center. There I will sit and see myself a fresh, to walk-on always doing what I need to follow the thread, and on until the journey leads me out of this body, into journeys even more unknown. The F.nd

Face to face with nature like that you see how you can die and the cliffs would still stand, the sea roll on with out a shudder. Although I was only playing, there was some truth in the revelation when I turned to my brother and said,

The maze continues, and I am always interested to hear o f any Jurther tales and information about them. Please write me at RFD — love leopard

That's all it takes, you know, to just decide to jump.

adopting children here. Lesbian and gay relationships are recognized by the law, even for purposes of immigration. In fact, according to Spree's roommate, Karin, the parliament even agreed to legalize samesex marriages, but the lesbian and gay political leadership felt it was more important to fight to abolish the repressive institution of marriage than to extend it Interestingly, most straight couples in the Netherlands do not marry, and most children there are now bom outside of marriage. Because of this tolerance, and all the fun there is to be had in Amsterdam, it is easy to idealize the city as a gay Shangri-la, the other side of the rainbow. In fact, there seems to be a tendency for many Dutch people, both gay and straight, to see homophobia as a thing of the past, so that homosexuality is no longer a political issue or an identity to organize around politically. A group of political queers we met, who organized a fabulous "Sissy cafe" and several parties and a demonstration at the Europride parade, felt very frustrated by this sense of complacency. They feel that it is important that lesbians and gays organize politically, not only around discrimination which they may personally experience, but in solidarity with lesbians and gays elsewhere who do experience it, and with other oppressed minority groups. At the Sissy-cafe one day, they showed a video about the situation at Camp Sister Spirit, and people were surprised and curious to hear about our communes in Tennessee. A focus for the Sissy-cafe activists was the name "Europride." They felt that it was a closeted name since it does not say lesbian, gay, queer, or anything overt. In fact, a man-on-the-street type television interview (which I heard about but did not see, and would not have understood if I had) found that most Amsterdamers thought Europride had to do with pride in a united Europe. This European super-nationalism is the other major objection 1 heard to the name Europride. As a chant during the parade began, "We are proud, but not with Euro..."

Three Tennessee fairies - MaxZine and Michael from IDA and me, Sandorfag, from Short Mountain - made a pilgrimage to Europe this summer. I am writing this from Berlin (and the end from Prague) midway through our trip. These are stories of some of our (misadvenÂ tures and some of my impressions of what we are seeing. We flew to Amsterdam from New York for $344 round trip. In the weeks before we left, I found that many people had the idea that just getting to Europe would be prohibitively expensive. In fact, it can be done for less, in some cases, than flying across the United States. The Village Voice publishes ads for travel agents (many with 800 numbers) with really cheap tickets. We ended up on Biman Bangladesh Airlines, which served a good vegetable curry as the inflight meal. Yum! We were lucky enough to have people to visit. In Amsterdam we stayed with Spree, a faerie expatriot from the U.S., and Karin, the Dutch lesbian he lives with. Our visit to Amsterdam coincided with Europride, which was the same weekend as the Stonewall 25 festivities in New York. Europride was a week of parties and cultural activities culminating in a parade through the streets of Amsterdam. We saw an exhibition and video on gay Jews at the Jewish History museum (actually a very disappointing exhibit -- but it's the thought that counts, right?); a film called "Zero Patience" by a Canadian named John Greyson, a playful musical parody of the patient zero theory that a single Canadian air steward is largely responsible for the spread of AIDS, featuring the recently-deceased AIDS hero Michael Callfin as Miss HIV herself; danced to reggae and salsa bands at a party at the Melk Weg (Milky Way), and generally got caught up in the debauchery, international cruising, plentiful beer, hashish and fun.

For me, being in Amsterdam raised many questions about assimilation. We want acceptance, we want not to be hated, not to live in fear of violence or discrimination. Absolutely! But we have also developed distinct and exciting queer cultures. In Amsterdam, lesbians and gay men are far more accepted than anywhere in the U.S., and are more integrated into the culture. They are also less visible. Is there necessarily a trade-off between visibility / distinctness of culture and acceptance? Do we gain acceptance only by being the same as everyone else? Or do we lose our distinctness as we gain acceptance into the culture?

This is not to suggest that Amsterdam is a city of assimilatiomst clones. To the contrary, the city is full of freaks â&#x20AC;&#x201D;gay, straight and otherwise. It's just that everyone mixes more. There seems to be a cultural emphasis on integration: racially, ethnically, culturally, etc. Compared to the U.S., Dutch men seem feminine and Dutch women seem masculine, as if a unisex merge were underway. As an example of this integrationism, some of the Europride concerts were held in the Vondelpark as part of a daily lunchtime concert series. It was heartening to see lots of kids there, neither they nor their parents fazed by the predominantly queer crowd. But then despite the crowd and the promotion of this as a Europride event, there was nothing distinctly queer about the performers; they did not speak about gay liberation, and there was not even a banner proclaiming this as a lesbian/gay or even Europride event. Go figure.

Amsterdam is a utopian place in many respects. It is beautiful and enchanting, with canals and winding streets and gorgeous wellpreserved architecture. The city is filled with lesbians and gays, as well as punks and other deviant sorts. Marijuana and hashish are quasi-legal and available at reasonable prices at coffee shops throughout the city. What makes the city really remarkable to me is the value Amsterdamers place on tolerance. From the people I spoke with (both gay and straight), I got the sense that queers simply do not live with the same level of fear in their day-to-day lives that most of us in the U.S. experience. Specifically, they do not seem to fear violence, being fired from their jobs, being disowned by their families or other such honors for being gay. Dutch law gives gays and lesbians full protection from discrimination, although not really, because we are also prohibited from

We managed to turn the heads of some seen-it-all Amsterdamers when we ran around the city dressed up in our finest faerie-wear. The night before the parade, we went to a party organized by the Sissy-cafe and performed "Where in the World is Short Mountain?" and spoke about faeries (although apparently we spoke too fast and were largely not understood). On the day of the parade, two lesbians who run canal tours of Amsterdam invited us to ride along the parade route with them in their boat. We formed a little chorus line and performed a Stonewall oldie: "We are the Stonewall girls/ We wear our hair in curls/ We have no underwear/ We show our pubic hair." Then, after we would draw a crowd and the cameras were going, we would switch to "We are a photogenic people/ and we are posing, posing for our lives..." And then, in a flash. Europride was over. We recuperated for a day. and Michael and I headed for the outskirts of Amsterdam to hitchhike to Berlin.

avoid having her coach turn back into a pumpkin, rushing back to Friederickstr. to catch the train back to another world several blocks away. During that first visit to Berlin. I kept fantasizing about a sudden division of Manhattan, where I grew up, with a wall down Fifth Avenue going up virtually overnight, preventing friends and lovers and family members who had lived across town form one another from having any regular contact. Now here we are years later, after a generation of radically different political and economic systems and ideologies, and the two sides of the City have developed very different cultures. On one side of the wall, bananas were an exotic treat. On the other side. S&M clubs were part of the landscape. And in 1989, quite suddenly, the wall came down and Germany was officially reunited. I say officially because the cleavages of history and political force do not just disappear into a seamless fissure. Today Berlin is pulsating with change as the repercussions of the dramatic rise and fall of the Iron Curtain play themselves out. Prenzlauerberg. where we stayed, is East Berlinâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s gayest neighborhood, with lots of cruising, beautiful men everywhere, several bars and even a bath house. We visited one older pre-unification Prenzlauerberg gay bar. The door was locked and we had to be buzzed in. The atmosphere was strikingly somber. The newer places were very trendy and really could have been in any big city.

Hitching is always an adventure, no matter where you do it. Our first ride was with a German man and an Asian-American woman from California, recently married and living in Germany. They were Christians, but very curious about our homosexuality. She. in particular, asked very personal questions about how you know you are gay, etc. Michael did most of the talking while I pretended to sleep. I was so impressed with her directness. So much of the ignorance and fear about homosexuality has to do, I think, with people's fear of West Berlin contains older gay asking questions like these which they just neighborhoods. Neighborhoods in all of don't understand. Go. girl! They drove Berlin are undergoing rapid transition us a few hours, then each subsequent wait because space is being created to relocate seemed a little longer. the German national government there. One ride left us off not at a rest area, the Multi-national corporations are also customary place for hitching in Germany, clamoring to establish themselves in Berlin but at the intersection of two Autobahns as they forge into the newly-opened (the German word for highway). There is markets of Eastern Europe. no speed limit on German autobahns. One At Europride in Amsterdam. 1 had lift w'e got drove as fast as 180 kilometers met several Berliners. One was Kate per hour (about 120 mph). It was scary Infectious, a punky boy who spent walking on the side of the road with traffic Europride day naked w ith his body going so fast, and drivers were looking at painted blue head to toe and handing out us as if we were crazy. It was getting dark, we were 250 kms from Berlin and pamphlets in English explaining why who knows how far from the next rest Europride = Euroshame. He was from area, and we were tired, and and aha. a twenty-year-old social and political Sandorfag, Spree and Michael by the waters of Amsterdam and...The police finally stopped. We gay organization in West Berlin. Through didn't know if they were arresting us or just giving us a lift to the rest aha, we plugged right into a whole social scene. They have a cafe every Sunday aftemoon/evening with a very friendly mixed although stop, but frankly we didn't care at that point. As it turned out, they were friendly and drove us to the next rest area, wishing us good luck. predominately male crowd and beer, coffee and sweets at cheap prices. We slept in a hidden comer and made it to Berlin in the morning with a Each Sunday they show an episode of The Golden Girls and then a guy who drove us to the doorstep of our destination. movie; we caught Jon Waters' Desperate Living . This cafe, like the Sissy-cafe in Amsterdam, is a non-commercial public social space, We stayed with my friend from the U.S., Todd, who now lives something we really don't have in the U.S. (aside from gatherings, of here translating documents from German to English, teaching English course). It was so relaxed and so easy to meet people, and it just felt and studying German history. He lives in a neighborhood called Prenzlauerberg in former East Berlin. good to be socializing in a space where the major objective was not to make a buck. (In general, European cafes seem relaxed compared to American bars, and Berlin is said to have the highest number of cafes Berlin has made a strong impression on me. I was there six per capita of any city in Europe.) One day at aha, Kate was collating years ago, when the infamous Berlin Wall still divided the city. During some papers. I helped him and saw that they were in the midst of that visit I stayed in West Berlin, a walled Western city surrounded by debating whether to continue to support NAMBLA as they have in the East Germany. Berlin then was an island inhabited primarily by folks past. Sound familiar? While we were in Berlin, aha also held an Erotic from the margins â&#x20AC;&#x201D;queers, punks, squatters, anarchists, etc. It was party, where they redid the space with curtains, cushions and varied full of young hip people and very international. And everything about levels of lighting, turning it into a sex palace. Again, the nonÂ it, most fundamentally its physical circumstances, was political, with the commercial nature of it made it feel really relaxed and friendly. political conflicts which created the city embodied in the concrete wall itself, covered with graffiti and art. Downstairs from aha is the Schwule Museum, a small museum At that time, I was able to spend a single day in East Berlin. The dedicated to gay and lesbian history. An exhibit which opened while we divided city still managed to share Berlin's pre-war subway system, the were there detailed the life and work of Magnus Hirschfeld, a gay U-bahn. When the West Berlin trains passed through Eastern sectors of Berliner who founded a pioneering sex research institute in Berlin in the the city, soldiers with machine guns could be seen in the tunnels. At 1920's. The exhibit ranged from amusing examples of his one station, Friederickstr., people taking the subway from West Berlin documentation of sexual diversity to chilling photographs of the Nazis' could pass through passport control and enter East Berlin on a one-day ritualistic pillaging of the institute, burning its library and collections. visa. I remember that almost nobody spoke English, in stark contrast to Another person I met was Carsten, an East Berliner and AIDS West Berlin, where English was well-established as a second language. activist. Carsten is Jewish. His mother survived the Holocaust as a I met one East German man about my age who spoke English. His young girl by passing as a non-Jew in a small German town. name was Michael and he was very unhappy. He yearned for freedom According to Carsten, she never discussed being Jewish with him; he to travel and to make his own decisions about his life, which he felt he learned of his Jewish heritage from his grandmother. Carsten was in could not do under the political system in place, and he told me of his training to become a military officer at the time of 'the change." He was plans to defect. (More on Michael later.) Other impressions of East not a dissident in any way, although he was openly gay in the military. Berlin which I remember six years later: the smell of burning coal, the As he describes it. the fall of the wall and his government meant, for gray buildings, the lack of big display advertising, the cheap prices, him, an end to security and his expectations of die world and his life. dancing at the disco of a socialist youth organization, wondering what it Continued on Page 63 might be like to be gay there, and then, like Cinderella rushing off to 49

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GENTLEMAN'S ( HOK E Nl«v«n L.

A reader from Tulsa, O klahom a sent me a photograph of a quilt he designed for the Cultural Festival which was held in New York City in conjunction with the gay games. Unfortunately, his quilt was not selected for presentation. But the photograph and fabric sample he sent to me dem onstrates the creativity of gay quilters. This gentlem an transform ed a very traditional Amish quilt pattern into a quilt which proclaimed gay pride by using the colors of Freedom flag in the design. I regret that I am unable to reproduce his photograph is color, but the accompanying sketch will give you an idea of his creativity. A nother reader from Charlotte, NC sent me the following letter which also included scraps of fabric. (As a crazy quilter, I love to get fabric samples from friends. And I am willing to share some of my cherished fabric with fabric with other gay quilters.)

April 15, 1994

Detail of Quilt Designed by an RFD reader from Charlotte, North Carolina

Dear Steven, Yesterday 1 rushed home from work to haste a quilt. I had completed the top for my sister’s X-mas present and wanted to hurry and complete the quilt and start on my next ones. There are 4 more-mayhe 5-1 need to complete by December 25! Anyway, after basting the quilt 1 had to return a video to White Rabbit Books and while there I picked up R FD -- a magazine new to me. 1 flipped through and found your article. I ’m so very excited to find a world o f quilting queens and wish to come to know you belter. I would also be grateful if you would send my address to the guy in Arizona who is making the tie crazy quilt. I have some fun ties that may interest him. Maybe he and 1 could exchange swatches???

My first quilt had all the blocks hand pieced, but for Xmas, my lover bought a sewing machine for me and 1 have really begun to twirl. I have completed two lops since X-mas. One is a school house and the other is a kaleidoscope. It is blinding. I have enclosed the fabric samples o f the kaleidoscope for you to perhaps use in a scrap or crazy quilt. Maybe you can help me in locating a design for Drunkard’s path. I have the pattern. If you have this design please send me a copy. Write when you can find the time. Blessed be,

^ &

Anyway, 1 am sending you a photo o f my first quilt—a sampler o f sorts. I have only been quilting for a little over a year now. My mother purchased a lop at a yard sale for two bucks and had it quilted for my 30th birthday. What a deal! It is the warmest, most loving gift any one could receive. That’s what got me started.

Quilting Queen I’m please to welcome the Quilting Q ueen as a reader of RFD and hope that he enjoys the magazine as much as I have over the years. I have also forwarded his letter to the man from Arizona.

2 £ 0

f ;W 'V M M %

In M emorium C H R IS T O P H E R T. B ER G 1959-1994 On June 11, 1994, my charming brother Christopher died of a heart attack. Christopher was an organic gardener, musician, bee keeper, quilter, and vegetarian. But, most importantly, he was a good friend to those people with whom he came into contact. A firm believer in hum an rights, he supported my research and writing with his time, em otional support, and money. This includes the work I have done for RFD during the past year. My b rother’s death means that I have lost my dearest confidant. And the lesbian/gay rights m ovem ent has lost one of its loyal supporters.

Marguerite Ickis. in her The Standard Book o f Quilt Making and Collecting (New York, Dover Publications, 1949) writes:

You can easily draft this pattern yourself Cut a paper square the size you wish the small Nock to he and make a fourth-circle in one comer by marking around a cup. Cut out the circle unit and transfer the pattern on a piece o f cardboard by tracing around the edges and adding V* inch at the curved sides for a seam (do not add V* inch on the other sides). Repeat the process with the square allowing V* inch at the cun>ed comer where the seams join. The large block pattern should be large enough to allow a Vi seam on all sides. The formula for calculating the size of the square from which to cut your pattern is: size of finished block + 4 + Vi = size of square for pattern

For example, if you want your finished block to be 12 inches, you will need to cut your pattern square 3Vj> inches. (12 inch finished block 4 small blocks across + Vi inch for seam allowance = 31/2 inch square from which to cut the pattern.)

Drunkard’s Path

To piece this block you will need to put the right sides of the fabric together. Pin the two pieces together at the center of the curve. Then add pins to each edge. I find that this block is easiest sewn by hand. A fter you have sew the two pieces together, remove the pins. Next, use a pair of scissors to make little cuts in the seam allowance. This will make it easier for the curved edge to lay flat when you press it. Drunkard’s Path was one of the first blocks I pieced. At the time I didn’t know that it was not really for beginners. I had the most difficulty figuring out how to get the curved section pined together and sewn. If you have not sewn a curved piece before, I would suggest that you cut a couple blocks from scrap fabric and practice on them before you cut blocks for your real quilt. As always, I continue to welcome your letters, photographs, questions, and thoughts on quilting for RFD. You might also be interested in sending me articles or illustrations for Quilting on the Back Porch, a national newsletter which will supply articles to quilt guilds, newsletters, and quilters interested in reading quality articles. I will begin publishing this newsletter, as well as Out on the Back Porch: A Lesbian, Gay, and Bisexual Syndicate, beginning in January, 1995. Send me a self addressed stamped envelop for w riter’s guidelines.

Steven L. Berg %Back Porch Press 675 Oyster Road Rose City, MI 48654

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M ic h e a l S w if t

Poetry illusti~ations by Dan Doran

A n o th e r Bee's C h r y s a n t h e m u m F l y i n g to l a n d , you flirt w ith my absolu te opening. It's v u l n e r a b l e a n d r a ise d like a s tr e tc h in g cat. My head r e s t s b e t w e e n extending upper a rm s. My puckered C h r y sa n th e m u m full bloom with you. W ithout you, th e bee n o c t u r n a l . Perpetual pollination. O n l y to be g o n e to a n o t h e r . F l y i n g to l a n d to f l y . C ir c u m -r e f lection, o p e n to c l o s e to o p e n . A random standing flower.

Song of t h e P h a l l u s R is e w ith m e a n d f l y F ly w ith m e a n d g lo w G lo w w i t h m e F lo w w i t h m e F ly a n d o v e r flo w I am a r h y t h m ic spigot a v i d to d i s p e n s e I k e e p in t o u c h w i t h p a s s i o n and bypass common sen se

Now c l o s e d to open to c l o s e . Kevin McLellan

I s p a w n prolific joy a n d a f t e r s h o c k s Of w o r l d e r Equally am I seism ic w ith b afflem en t and blunder I run a w astefu l river I ride a tide t h a t r o a r s I am the v e r y fo u n tain h ead of r a p t u r e a n d r e m o r s e R is e w ith m e a n d f l y F ly w ith m e a n d g lo w G lo w w i t h m e F lo w w ith m e F ly a n d o v e r flo w J a m e s B ro u g h to n

To Y a a k o v Do n o t h i t m e . A l t h o u g h 1 c a n n o t c o m e to y o u r r e s c u e , I am not y o u r e n em y . The s a l v a t i o n 1 se e k is also s a c r e d , I too h a v e n o b l e v i s i o n s . J u s t n o w th e moon is fa llin g o u t of c r i s p w i n t e r a i r . Such m iracles are com m onplace. M y c a l m is a w e , n o t i n c r e d u l i t y . Y our b a c k s l a p s s t i n g , r a i s e w e l t s on m y a f f e c t i o n . Go s l a p s o m e o n e e l s e s i l l y . I d o n ' t n e e d to be a r o u s e d . A. Vera 57

Been W a i t i n g E v e r B y t h e F u l l Moon

Long

L howl y o u r nam e, w a rm in g th e room, but you don't k n o e k d ow n th e d o o r an d

find

me .

I roll in y o u r s c e n t sp i ll e d f o r m a d r e a m a n d dig h o l e s to b u r y m y w o r l d in t h e b a c k y a r d , o n e m o u t h f u l at a time: I w a n t n o th in g w ith o u t you: m o n ey a n d radios dro p fro m m y teeth, they are covered and forgotten. W h e n th e h o u s e is e m p t y I l i f t m y l eg a n d m a r k e a c h r o o m : I f o r g e t how to m a k e a sa n d w ic h , h o w to s t a r t a fire , how to w e a r a b r o w n b l a z e r a n d h a i l a cab, y o u ’r e a l l I t h i n k a b o u t ! 1 lick m y itc h in g te s t i c l e s w a i t i n g f o r you.

1 kill c h ic k e n s b y moonlight, th e ir eyes dead a re b la c k b e r r y wine and reflect y o u r handsom e ass and sm ile in t h e i r li q u id m i r r o r , 1 eat them feath er-w h o le, head first. W ith e v e r y owl and c o n v u lsio n of 1 t h i n k o f you. I ’m c o u g h i n g u p b e a k s a t 3 a . m . and th in k o f you./

the

T h e m o o n sp i ll s light f r o m h e r t i n y I s e e P o s s u m a n d R a b b it h a v e love. I’v e w a i t e d s o l o n g i n m y 1 k i l l t h e n e i g h b o r ’s c a t y e o w l i n g in h eat.

night

fist:

envy

I’v e w a i t e d s o l o n g t h e f u r o n m y s k i n b r i s t l e s in i t s w i n t e r c o a t t h a t w o n ’t h a n g i n t h e c l o s e t w i t h t h e b l a z e r . I c u r l on th e c a r p e t an d coo k m y n e s t o f n e c k b o n e s a n d cat hide, h o ld in g m y t e s t i c l e s close, g r o w li n g in m y sleep, g r o w l i n g in w a i t i n g e v e r s o long.

CA Con ra d

Mount

You

Brutally Honest Backroom M em ories

R F D BO O KS

MEM ORIES THAT SMELL U K ! GASOL1NI . By D avid W ojnarow icz. Artspace Books. 1286 Folsom Street. San Francisco, California 94103. 1992 S I5 hardcover. Reviewed by /on Nalley

Starhawk Teaches Through Stories

In p u m m e lin g o u r sen ses w ith his strea m of co n scio u sn ess, th e late D av id W ojnarow icz g u id e d us th ro u g h the h ig h w ay s a n d b y w a y s of m a le h o m o se x —-from th e e la tio n to th e lo n e lin e ss a n d th e b o n d in g to th e e x p lo ita tio n . R e ad in g Memories a n d v iew in g th e ra n g e of his a rtw o rk w ith in , o n e can b eg in to feel th e ra g e of this m an at b ein g u sed a n d a b u se d by m en w h o ca red for n o th in g m o re th an g e ttin g th eir rocks off— to hell w ith h o w they get there.

THE FIFTH SACRED THING. By Starhaw k. Bantam Books. 1993. 106 pgs. with 16 nude portraits of the author by Jack Shear. $14.95 soft. Reviewed by Donald L. Engstrom A p rim a ry job of the S toryteller is to lead o th e rs into a w o rld w h ere they h av e n ev er trav eled . S tarh aw k , in h e r new book, sk illfu lly takes us into such a land, a C alifornia in w h ich th e E arth C en tered N o rth has se p arate d from a S outh g o n e m ad.

T h e p a th o s c o n ta in e d w ith in W o jn a r o w ic z 's m e m o ry d r a w in g s , c a rto o n n a rra tiv e s , a n d ink p a in tin g s of 3 rd A v en u e m o v ie h o u ses (before they w ere closed by N ew York C ity h ea lth au th o ritie s in 1988-89) are accessible to all of us w h o h a v e n ot fit in th e v a rio u s sc h em e s of th in g s: "th e fam ily," "p eer g ro u p ," "th e g ay co m m u n ity ," "society," etc. M any w ill re m e m b e r W o jn aro w icz 's essay in th e c a ta lo g u e of an N .E .A .-fu n d ed art sh o w in 1989 th at b ro u g h t d o w n th e w ra th of su ch h atefu l sc o u n d re ls as Jesse H elm s. T hat essay w as m u ch m o re external in its p o u rin g s of rage; h ittin g at the g o v e rn m e n t a n d s tr a ig h t so c ie ty for th e ir h o m o h a tin g atro cities— physical, psychic, a n d sp iritu al.

T his is a tale n o t so u n lik e m a n y o th e r sto ries; fear v e rsu s u n d e r s ta n d in g , h a tre d v e r s u s c e le b ra tio n , g re e d v e r s u s co m p assio n . W hat m ak es The Fifth Sacred Thing so exciting is th a t it is a w ell w ritte n a n d p erc ep tiv e W itch’s view of th ese a n d m a n y o th e r th in g s. W e g e t a clo se look at iss u e s of violence, science, sexuality, fam ily, b eau ty , sp iritu a lity , etc. The look at a p o ssib le d e v e lo p m e n t in a p ic u ltu re (b eek eep in g ) is q u ite fasc in atin g . It ce rta in ly raises th e q u e stio n of w h o is k eep in g w ho. S tarh aw k tells the stories of the in d iv id u a ls an d co m m u n ities of th is n o t-to o -d ista n t fu tu re w ith the ring of au th en ticity . W e ex p erien ce intense em o tio n s an d w h ite h o t se n tim e n ts, b u t th e clo y in g aro m a of s e n tim e n ta lity is d e lig h tfu lly a b sen t. S tarh a w k 's p o rtra y a l of h elp lessn ess, d e s p a ir an d g rief is b re a th tak in g . She is also able to in te g ra te m agic a n d d e v o tio n in to th e se p e o p le 's e v e ry d a y lives in su ch a w ay th a t it m a k e s p erfec t se n se th a t a sp irit h e a le r an d an a llo p a th ic su rg e o n w o u ld be w o rk in g sid e by sid e. S ta rh a w k h as g iv e n u s a p o rtio n of w h a t an E arth C e n te re d c u ltu re co u ld ta ste, feel, so u n d , look, an d sm ell like. It's not all roses in p arad ise. T his is an ea rth y sto ry ab o u t a c u ltu re in the th ro es of challeng e an d change w ith no g u ara n tee s of a h ap p y ending. A nd yet, a sen se of d eep joy an d courage p erm eates the w hole tale.

R e a d in g W o jn a r o w ic z 's u n re le n tin g an d m erciless:

d y n a m ite

s ta c c a to

p ro se

"S om etim es I com e to h a te p eo p le b ec au se th ey can t see* w h ere I am . I’ve g o n e e m p ty , co m p letely em p ty an d all they see is the v isu al form ; m y arm s a n d legs, m y face, m y height an d p o stu re , the so u n d s th at com e from m y th ro at. But 1m fu ck in g em p ty . T he p erso n I w as just o ne year ag o no lo n g er exists; d rifts sp in n in g slo w ly in to th e e th e r so m e w h e re b ack th ere. I’m a xeorox of m y form er self. I can ’t abstract m y d y in g any lo n g e r."

So, am I say in g th at this is a book of P rophecy? N o, n o t really. W itches, P ag an s, Faeries an d o th e r E arth C e n te re d folk h av e long n ee d ed stories of w h a t the choices w e h av e an d h av e n o t m a d e c o u ld p o ssib ly le ad to. W e h a v e n e e d e d to see o u r d rea m s tak e on the flesh and blood th a t a ta len ted w rite r can give to th em . T his book d o es this an d m ore. But th e b o tto m line is th a t S ta rh a w k ’s The Fifth Sacred Thing is a d a m n go o d read. C heck it out.

Memories is m uch m o re an in tern al stu d y of o u r lo n g in g lor lo v e an d e x p re ssin g o u rse lv e s sex u ally u n d e r th e h o v e rin g sp ecter of AIDS. R ead in g this tom e, w e can see, h ear, feel, sm e ll, a n d e x p e rie n c e th e h u r t, d is a p p o in tm e n t, a n g e r, fru stratio n , an d longing that w e ex p erien ce d a y -to -d ay as gay m e n ; th is b e in g so e x te rn a lly w ith in o u r so c ie ty a n d in te rn ally w ith in o u rselv e s an d p a rtic u la r co m m u n ity . T he th e a te r scenes th at W o jn aro w icz d e p ic te d in Memories co u ld re p re se n t sim ilar scenes acro ss A m erica— w h e th e r in b ack ro o m b ars o r in ru ra l h ig h w ay rest a re a s, co llo q u ia lly referred to by q u een s back h o m e in M ichigan as R u th A n n e 's . W o jn aro w icz, a w a rrio r in th e s tru g g le a g a in st AIDS an d w h o d ie d fro m A ID S -relate d c o m p lic a tio n s d u r in g th e su m m e r of 1992, could tu rn a restro o m scene in to a collage th at called forth all of the sen ses not to m en tio n iro n y an d h u m o r— both as an o b serv er an d a spectatoi "There is a clu m p of th ree g u y s en tw in e d on th e long ledge. O n e of them is lying d o w n lean in g on the elbow w ith his h e a d c ra d le d in a n o th e r g u y s h a n d T h e seco n d g u y is fee d in g th e first g u y his d ick w h ile a th ird g u y is cro u c h in g d o w n b eh in d him p u llin g o p en the cheeks of his ass an d licking his lin g er an d p o k in g at its bull's-eye... O n e of the g u y s, the o n e w h o looks like h e 's p ra y in g at an a lta r, tu rn s an d o p e n s his

B ook rev ie w s are d e s ire d from o u r read ers. Include y o u r o w n d ire c t im p re ssio n s. U se q u o te s & ex a m p le s. Tell th e b o o k 's relev an ce to faeries, n a tu re b o y s, sh a m en , w ild c re a tu re s, or cognoscenti. G ive publisher, address & date; pages & price; an d y o u r ad d ress to get a free RFD! 59

m o u th w id e and g e stu re s to w a rd s it H e n o d s at m e but I tu rn aw ay, l i e w o u ld n 't u n d e rsta n d . T oo b ad he can 't see th e v iru s in m e, m ay b e it w o u ld re a rra n g e so m e th in g in him ." W o jn aro w 'icz h a s left u s a ro v in g , e lo q u e n t, a n d ev en ex p lo siv e d o c u m e n t in M em ories. T h ro u g h its cro ssin g of m a n y b o u n d s , r e a d in g W o jn a ro w ic z 's w o rk is at o n ce cath artic an d healing

Seeker of Silences M IM O U N. By Rafael Chirbes. Serpent’s Tail. 1993. 150 pgs. $12.95 soft. Reviewed by Grant Michael Menzies In his 1915 novel The Good Soldier, E nglish w rite r F ord M adox Ford d ev e lo p e d w h at cam e to be called the u n reliab le n arrato r. T h e ey es an d e a rs of th is p e rso n a g e , m o v in g th ro u g h th e com plex ev en ts of the n o v el’s lan d sca p e, tell us m uch, p resen t for us m any pictu res, yet w e a re led to q u estio n w h e th e r it is th e tru th that these eyes see an d these ears hear; w h e th e r the p ictu res are for real. It m akes us tu rn to o u r ow n p erc ep tio n s of life as w e live it, ask in g the q u e stio n s, W hat is tru th ? W hat is reality? A u th o r Rafael C h irb es, in his novel M im oun, to u ch es on th at basic curiosity, b u t p refers to step o u tsid e p hiloso p h ical p ro b lem s an d so lu tio n s in to the sp h e re of art, w h ere o n e m ay a n sw e r q u e stio n s w ith m o re q u e stio n s, w h e re b ein g is m o re im p o rta n t than know ing. W e com e to know M anuel, the n a rra to r, as a w o rk in p ro g ress. C h irb es p re se n ts his th o u g h ts before w e can ev en en v isio n his b o dy, an d w e see from the sta rt th at th e o nly th in g th at seem s real to M anuel is th a t su b je c tiv e re a lity of th e tru e a rtist, p a in tin g each ex p e rien c e, re c o rd in g each e x p e d itio n to th e d e p th s of his soul, on n o th in g m o re than the u n ste a d y canvas of tim e a n d m em ory. Before w e know ’ th a t M an u el is from S p ain , th a t he is a b o re d te ach er of la n g u a g e s, th at he is an a s p irin g w rite r, b efo re w e ev e n k n o w th a t he is liv in g in M orocco, w e find that he is able to m ake a subjective p ictu re of h is o w n d iss a tis fa c tio n o u t o f h o w "th e w in d to re at th e b ran ch es of the trees, an d [how ] the b ran ch es, as they m o v ed , to rm e n te d m y im a g in a tio n ." M any c o lo n ia ls can liv e in a fo reig n la n d for the rest of th e ir lives an d n ev e r m esh w ith th eir en v iro n m en t. T his M anuel is in d a n g e r of d o in g , liv in g w ith the o th e r S panish teachers in the ancient M oroccan city of Fez. H e ta k es on so m e o f his c o m p a trio ts ' blase, slig h tly

to u r is ty a ttitu d e : "For u s th e city e x iste d o n ly as so m e in term in ab le script, to w hich w e a d d e d a n ew scene ev ery day K n o w in g little A ra b ic , th e S p a n ia rd s c o n v e rs e w ith th e M oroccans in th e F rench im p o s e d on th e A rab s from e a rlie r co lo n ials, w ith o u t m a k in g tru e co n tac t w ith th e c u ltu re in w h ich they are liv in g an d m a k in g th eir liv e lih o o d ev en m o re strain ed , ev en less real, a co m p lete illusion. M anuel is not h ap p y in Fez, this w e k n o w , a n d w e find th at he d o es n ot love A h m ed , w h o h as "a g listen in g skin, like ru b b er, a n d liv e d in so m e u n s p e c if ie d h o u s e b e h in d a b u sh of o le an d e rs." N o, M an u el ca n n o t lo v e A h m ed , "in sp ite of his body," n o t ev en w h en they a re in bed to g e th er. But in a w ay p e c u lia r to th o se w h o p re fe r reflec te d im a g es to real o n es, M an u el d o e s fall in lo v e w ith ja ca ra n d a trees, b ec au se they rem in d him of A h m ed 's sh in in g b o d y ste p p in g o u t of a steam filled b ath. W hat sh o w s us th at th e re is h o p e for M anuel is his ir r ita tio n o v e r A h m e d 's o w n b o r r o w in g s fro m F re n ch colo n ialism a n d W estern go ssip , dowm to h is A m erican jeans: M an u el m ay be h a rd , h e m ay b e eg o c en tric , b u t he ca m e to M orocco to get th e real, n o th e su p e rfic ia l, o u t of its h a rsh la n d scap e an d d iam etrically o p p o site cu ltu re. Is all this b ecau se h e ’s m in e d o u t th e b est h e c o u ld fin d in h im self, h e n c e m o v in g o n to fresh er fields? H ard ly . But th at rev e latio n com es so o n en o u g h . M ean w h ile, on th e ad v ice of a frie n d , M an u el leav es Fez to ta k e lo d g in g s w ith a S p a n ia rd w h o h a s an o ld c o lo n ia l m an sio n all to him self, in a v illag e on the o u tsk irts of th e city, called M im oun. T he ho u se, k n o w n as La C reu se, sta n d s on the lo w er slo p e s of th e A tlas M o u n ta in s, o v er w h ich "th e m oon a p p e a re d , lik e so m e e x q u isite jew el." F ran cisco , fo rm e rly a w ell-k n o w n sc u lp to r, teaches d ra w in g w h en n o t in c ap a citate d by sev ere d ep re ssio n s, an d b lo sso m s in M an u el's presence. It is n o t lo n g b efo re th e m an is in love. U n fo rtu n a te ly F rancisco refuses to rem ain o u t of focus, or a sh a d o w on the w all, subject to aesth etic in te rp re ta tio n ra th e r th an p rag m a tic in te ractio n , so M an u el tries to era se h im , like u n d e s ira b le graffiti. M an u el's se lf-ab so rp tio n esp ecially su ffers w h en F rancisco b rin g s h o m e y o u n g m e n fro m th e v illa g e , F ra n c isc o w h o s e s e x u a l o rien tatio n , u n lik e his m en tal state, lab o rs u n d e r no b u rd e n of eq u iv o catio n . "It w as alw ay s th e sam e," M anuel sig h s o v er his ty p e w riter. "The steam from th e tea a n d th e sm o k e from th e h ash ish d riftin g invisibly b en e ath the d o o rs, ro u n d e d off by the m o an s th at floated th ro u g h th e air ab o v e th e irrita tin g so u n d of th e m a ttre ss sp rin g s." W e can see w h y : "It w as all as m o n o to n o u s as m y fo o tstep s d o w n to the to w n , search in g for I k n o w n o t w h at." M a n u el's w alls are b u ilt so h ig h th a t even w h en h e h e a rs F ra n cisc o ’s crie s— can see F ran cisco 's lo v e in flo w e rs le ft in h is ro o m — th e y b le n d in w ith th e o th e r e le m e n ts of h is e n v iro n m e n t, th ey ta k e th e ir p lace on his p alette for leisu rely dab b in g : they b ecom e the b ark in g of dogs, th e ru sh of th e w in d . Because M an u el feels n o th in g , he can n o t a p p re cia te F rancisco's p ain , as so m e o n e w h o k n o w s n o th in g of m u sic m ig h t d a y d re a m th ro u g h a co n certo an d be sta rtle d by th e a p p la u s e a t th e e n d . U n fo rtu n a te ly for F ra n cisc o , th e a p p la u se is th e clatterin g ab o u t of m ed ics a n d n u rses w h en he tries to co m m it su ic id e at th e school w h e re he teaches. A nd e v e n th e n , M a n u e l re m a rk s c o o lly o n h is h o u s e m a te ’s selectio n o f a lo catio n w h e re he w o u ld be su re to be fo u n d w ith in h o u rs ra th e r th an d ay s, th u s in c reasin g his ch an ces for s u r v iv a l. M im o u n 's p e a c e a n d q u ie t h a s th e effect of d e s ta b iliz in g M an u el; it m a k es u n b e a ra b le th e lo u d a n a rc h y of h is o w n d esire s, w h ich till th en he h a d th o u g h t of as a tra n q u il pool d istu rb e d o n ly by th e stra n g e n e ss a n d th e sm ells of Fez. Even F rancisco, w h o is a s tu d y in th e su ffe rin g a n d a n g e r an d , at tim es, m a d n ess, of u n re q u ite d love, uses h is sc u lp to r's X-ray 60

insight to find th e form tra p p e d w ith in the sto n e of M an u el's soul. H e says: 'Y ou'll n e v e r w rite: y o u 're o n ly in te re ste d in p an o ra m ic view s." M anuel, it seem s, w ill n ev e r b e able to love eith er. A n d yet w h en he d o es, w ith a m a z e m e n t, fall in love w ith a y o u n g M oroccan te ch n ician n a m e d H assan , his lo v e is in e x trica b le from th e s u d d e n p a s sio n h e feels for M orocco itself. T he S p an ish co lonial sn e e rin g at the m a n u re , th e "easy w o m en , the p e a sa n ts in the stree ts, th e ir d e n ig ra tio n of all the pieces that m ake u p th e m osaic of the foreign land w h ere they eat an d d rin k a n d m ake m e rry , can no lo n g er be a p a rt of M a n u el's su stain in g life-picture. As h e picks u p the la n g u a g e in th e b ars an d th e stree ts, he b eg in s to b eco m e "one o f them ," to p ain t an o th er p ictu re, so m e th in g o u tsid e him self that he can tru st. A p a rt of th a t p ic tu re in c lu d e s H assan . Yet e v e n th e m o st co m m itted colonial e x p lo re r can forget th a t th o u g h h e m ay com e close, he w ill n ev e r u n d e r s ta n d the soul of th e p eo p le into w h o se m id st se lf-b a n ish m e n t o r a trav el itin e ra ry h av e d ro p p e d him . H e can go to o far, he can ex p e ct too m u ch . H assan, th e H assan w h o se kiss is the sam e as stars abov e olive b ran ch es, w h o se sh o u ld e rs are the sam e as the m o o n lit A tlas M o u n tain s, w h o se b re a th is the spices of th e b azaar, sh a tte rs M an u el's m irro r of se lf-a b so rp tio n o n e nig h t in an u g ly scene b esid e M a n u e l's bed. "Get u n d re s s e d , you S p an ish assh o le. W hat d o y ou take m e for? I'm n o b o d y 's faggot!" A nd his fists fly in to M anuel's asto n ish e d face. At th e sto ry 's en d , th o u g h , w h en M anuel is d riv in g aw ay from M im oun, u n d e r tho se sta rs th at are like kisses a n d m o u n ta in s like w arm arm s th at em brace, it is H assan w h o sits b esid e th e ro ad w ay an d w eeps, the last im age M anuel sees of M im oun. It is significant that he sees him w eep in g in the rearview m irror. O ne can 't ex p ect M an u el to be c h a n g ed by his e x p e rien c e of M im o u n , b e c a u s e M im o u n w ill b e s o m e th in g e ls e to so m e b o d y else, a n d o n e m a n 's p la c e of su ffe rin g m ay be a n o th e r's h o lid a y reso rt. L ike tim e, th e art of M a n u e l’s life, and those w h o are p a rt of it, has no b eg in n in g or end. It sim p ly is. N o d o u b t he w o u ld rep eat the w o rd s of K ahlil G ibran: A seeker of silences am I, an d w h at trea su re h ave I fo u n d in silen c es, th a t I m ay d is p e n s e w ith co n fid en ce? M im oun is alm o st like a p a lin d ro m e — you could read it from back to front, or front to back. You cannot get back stage, an d if you d id , no tired, h a p p y actors w o u ld aw ait y o u r p raise there. The h a u n tin g q u a lity of the book, as of the m a d d e n in g b u t stra n g e ly sy m p a th e tic M a n u e l, is th a t it is n o t, afte r all, com posed of the p ain ted canvas sets you th o u g h t w ere its o nly fu rn ish in g . A t no tim e d o es M a n u e l's m a s tu rb a to ry jo u rn e y th ro u g h sex, alco h o l-ab u se, love, an d finally, rev e latio n , close the d o o r to ste p p in g o u tsid e tho se noisy four sq u a re y a rd s of his flesh to th e s u d d e n calm of a M o ro ccan tw ilig h t, th e b ark in g of d o g s in the rav in e s, th e cry of the m u ezzin : A llah akbar! th re a d in g its w ay th ro u g h the pale ea ste rn d a w n . T rue, th is p a n o ra m ic v isio n m ay p re v e n t, as F ran cisco c laim ed , M anuel an d his kind from ever becom ing good w riters. Still, it o v e rrid e s w h a t th e im p a s s io n e d m in d can p la ce u p o n th e blank w h ite page. M an u el g oes from sp e cta to r to p a rtic ip a n t. He d ro p s the p en an d becom es the pen, and life w rites him as indelibly across th e A tlas M o u n ta in s as Rafael C h irb es scores Mimoun into the sy m p h o n y of g rea t literatu re.

Liberace's Liberated Lover BEHIND THE CANDEL,\BRA: M y Life w ith Liberace. By Scott Thorson w ith Alex Thorleifson. E.P. Dutton Books, Nexv York. 1988. $18.95 hard. <=» Reviewed by Glenn L. Sitzman H ad a friend not p u t his copy of Behind the Candelabra in to m y h a n d an d said , "H ere, read this; yo u 'll like it," I w o u ld n ev er h a v e b een in te reste d in a n y th in g p e rta in in g to L iberace, n o r ev en to ex am in e the book. But I am glad my friend p assed the bo o k to m e because I found it both p leasan t and interesting. T h e b o o k is a so rt of jo in t b io g ra p h y an d a u to b io g ra p h y . T h o u g h it deals, of course, w ith the tw o in d iv id u a ls L iberace an d Scott T h o rso n , it is m ore specifically th e b io g ra p h y of a rela tio n sh ip . The only tim e 1 saw L iberace p erfo rm , 'w ay back in 1953 ju st as he w as b e g in n in g h is TV c a re e r (no p u n in te n d e d ), I d id n o t like e ith e r him or his p ro g ra m . N o r d id T h o rso n m ak e m e believe th at I could ever have liked Liberace as a p e rso n h a d I h ad the p le asu re or m isfo rtu n e of becom ing ac q u a in te d w ith him . I'd say th at m illions of little b lu e h aired la d y fan s can be w ro n g . T h o rso n d id , h o w ev er, lead m e to re sp e c t L ib erace's ta len t as a sh o w m a n an d to h a v e a little m o re u n d e rsta n d in g of th a t o u trag e o u s being. T he bo o k d elin eates in considerable detail the h isto ry of the life o f a g ay y o u n g m an of no m eans, h ard ly off th e street in fact, w h o s u d d e n ly fo u n d h im s e lf th e lo v e r a n d c o n s ta n t c o m p an io n of an aging closet qu een w h o w as b o th exceedingly rich an d ex ceed in g ly eccentric and w h o lived so for five years, o r till th e eccen tric o ld closet q u een tired of his y o u n g lo v er an d th rew h im out. T h is s u m m a ry o v e rsim p lifie s th e s itu a tio n , w h ic h at tim es b e c a m e q u ite c o m p lic a te d . T h o rso n w rite s h o n e s tly a b o u t L ib erace's clo seted h o m o sex u ality , as w ell as th e p e rfo rm e r's re la tio n sh ip s w ith h is fam ily an d em p lo y ee s a n d a b o u t th e p ro b lem s of ad ju stin g to L iberace’s lifestyle an d p erso n ality . H e w rites h o n estly ab o u t the d ev elo p m en t of his feelings an d love for L iberace an d ab o u t his o w n pro b lem s w ith d ru g ad d iction. T he b o o k h as no in tellectu al d e p th an d could h av e b en e fitte d fro m m o re c a refu l e d ito ria l a tte n tio n ; y et it p re s e n ts so m e w o rth w h ile in sig h ts in to h u m a n n a tu re an d a s to ry th a t, th o u g h so m e tim es so rd id , is in te restin g an d w o rth th e tim e. D e sp ite m y d islik e of L iberace b o th as a p e rso n an d as a p e rfo rm e r, I en jo y ed th e w o rk b e c a u se of th e w a rm a n d w h o le s o m e p e r s o n a lity of T h o rso n , w h ic h co m es a c ro ss w in n in g ly .

Defining

New

Masculinity

JA M E S B A LD W IN . by David Knopf 1994 . $25 h a r d c o v e r .

Leem ing. Alfred

aspects o f m asculinity in oppositioin to the d e s t r u c t i v e , aggressive and ex p lo itativ e elem ents w hich our s o c ie ty has em phasised for far too long.

A lthough Beyond the Hero is a very interesting book, 1 was w ishing for more. Mr. Chinen's analysis b e c o m e s rather rhetorical at the expense o f the stories, w h ic h

BEYOND THE HERO. By Allen B. Chinen, MD. G.P. Putnam and Sons 1994. $21.95 hardcover. Reviewed by Jam hi Womp Womp

could have been left to speak for them selves. It was a challenge to read between his lines. 1 was also surprised that the author did not co llec t more m aterial from other cultures. But a good story is a good story, and a word to the wise is often sufficient.

David Leeming was a friend o f Jam es Baldw in's as well as his secretary from 1963 to '67. His biography captures the feel o f Baldw in's early years and s h o w s what enabled him to w rite so brilliantly as well as insight into his short stories and novels, many o f which are sem i-autobiographical. With this book the reader is provided a front-row seat on Baldw in's life: the struggles and the turbulence of both self acceptance and acceptance by a hostile society; his great efforts to be a w riter and a Black gay man in Am erica. His devotion to his family is also well docum ented, as is his time o f self-im posed exile in F ra n c e .

A ffa irs

Jam es

H e art

and

Loin

Reviewed by A. Vera Dan S avage gain ed c o n sid e ra b le n a t io n a l n o to riety recen tly when he identified the o rn am e n t around the neck o f the new hip edition o f the Ken doll as a co c k rin g , th e re b y co n clu siv ely outing B a r b i e ’s consort, because as we all know, "S traight men do not wear co ck rin g s — or leather vests or se e -th ro u g h p u rp le mesh sh irts for that m atter." M attel issu ed v o c ife ro u s denials and e v e n tu a lly recalled the c lo s e t-b u s tin g "jewelry." Savage brings that same deadpan w it to his new com ic project, Savage Love . In fact, we actually get to see Ken break the news to Barb and learn the identity of his new b o y f r ie n d .

Shortly before Mr. B aldw in's death, a friend and I saw him w alking in New York near Carnegie Hall. I had to say som ething to him. The first book o f his I ever read was G iovanni's Room , which my father had given me when I was twelve. (My father very much adm ired Jam es Baldwin. I wonder if he was trying to tell me som ething.) I approached him and thanked him for all the pleasure and inspiration I had g o tte n from his work. 1 rem em ber he sm iled at me w arm ly and graciously thanked me. I was so nervous when I approached him, but his m anner made me feel at ease. you

the

SAVAG E LOVE, the Comic. by Dan Savage a n d C om pany. Bear Bones Press, PO Box 45432, Seattle, WA 98105-0432. 1992. $2.95

As ex tra o rd in arily sensitive a w riter as Baldw in was, he's proof positive you don't necessarily have to have a degree to have som ething intelligent to say. Sadly, the world is full of educated idiots devoid of the sort of real life experience which Baldwin drew on so richly. Mr. Leem ing, w ithout any fanfare, traces the obvious thread of the a u th o r's h o m o se x u a lity throughout his w ritings. Baldwin was a success as a w riter, but failed to achieve a lastin g love relatio n sh ip . His personal life becam e a revolving door in a series of co -d ep en d en t, ex p lo ita tiv e and som etim es a b u s iv e situations. The Activism o f the Sixties brought h im back to America as one of its children bearing witness to a society in denial o f its racism , sexism and h o m o p h o b ia .

Thank

Savage is a gay sex-advice colum nist for The Stranger, a S eattle w eekly new spaper, w herein he g u id es gays and breeders alike through the perilous shoals of relatio n sh ip s, or as he puts it, leads them "out o f the bondage o f ignorance and in tro d u ces them to regular, plain old bondage." Coupling with a varied mix of ca rto o n ists, he now offers up a predom inantly queer, illu strated guide to affairs o f the heart and loin. More co n tem p lativ e than o u trag eo u s by cu rren t stan d ard s, the collection exhibits a strong sense of p e r s o n a l lib e ratio n . P articularly affectin g are the evocative renderings o f a couple o f Dan's own sexual m em oirs. At 24 pages, the com ic is all too brief; but we're already being prom ised a Savage Love #2 by this w in te r.

Baldwin.

Beyond the Hero

is a collection of stories dealing with m en's sp iritual re-aw ak ening: their evolution tow ard a genuine sense o f hum anity and aw ay from the Patriarchal and H eroic modes which so many in w estern society em ulate. Mr. Chinen not only presents these fables (som e of which come to us from as far back as several thousand years) but, being a practicing p sy c h iatrist, gives them a psychological tw ist as well. I was vaguely fam iliar with some of these stories from E uropean and M oroccan trad itio n s, and found them enjoyable reading. They also com m unicate profoundly healing 62

Sex Magic For Gay Men THE SC A R LE T WAND, .4 G rim oire For The Gay Man by Raji Dorotez. The O m nitheistic Church Press, PO Box 4322 Berkeley, CA. 94704 1993 $8., 52 payes Reviewed by Yaron Schweizer

The late Dwight Dunaway, a k a Dwight DeLight or Light, served as art editor of RFD. His "collection of speculations" entitled "ART" first appeared as a feature article in the Fall. 1987 issue, # 52, This broad, expansive essay begins as an examination of contemporary faerie culture, with the author sharing his joyful transformation amidst this intimate, loving circle But even as he does so, he challenges us to continue to openly embrace change "As I enable myself to be open... I find that I am even trans cending gayness/ homos e x u a lity /fa e rie .'h e explains The second half of the ten-page work becomes a practical guidebook to achieving that experience-a missal of transform ational love.

"Magic (...) has a special place in the heart o f all humans. )...| Magic is our soul". Sex Magic is only one type of Magic am ongst many, but it is probably one of the most fascinating. One definition of Magic is — "Effecting changes in conform ity with one's w ill", and so Sex M agic is utilizing our sexual state-of-m ind (with or w ithout orgasm) in the service o f our desires, in the form o f spells or (yes, that too) hexes. This is the basic assum ption o f this book that's w ritten for Gay Men interested in exploring the connection o f our Sexuality and S pirituality and its practical uses. You can find here an inventory o f many good ideas — from uses o f body fluids and grow ths (which 1 f o u n d p articu larly stim ulating - especially notable is the suggestion to use piss for cutting a circle and for consecrating M agical tools) to d ifferen t ideas for creating your personal altar. T here are also specific Rituals, designed for a variety o f intentions — f in d in g a lover or a hot o n e -n ig h t-sta n d , m oney draw ing, Healing, and even some curses. W hile choosing to n o t take a moral stand on the latter, the author d o e s em phasize (and 1 can't stress this point too strongly) that anything we put out com es back to us three-fold. All these ideas com e in a very easy-to-read form at and, more than being strict guidelines, serve to o ffer different options from which the reader may choose.

We have rep rin ted "ART", featuring the author’s original graphic design, as a 12-page monograph on buff paper with matching envelope. Copies are available for $3.00 postpaid from RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095.

Sandorfag

Continued from Page 49 Michael, whom 1 had met during my first visit to Berlin, and who spent several years ift the West before returning to East Berlin, pointed out that Big Brother not only watched you, he took care of you. East Germans and people of other former Communistic states have lost much security and face a future perhaps filled with opportunity but definitely with uncertainty. Carsten's life took topsy-turvy turns: the former military officer trainee is now unemployed, a PWA and politically active. Michael, the former dissident, shares the status of unemployment, and spends his time reading about German and Irish history. One surreal moment I had in Berlin involved Michael's father. In his late fifties and a professor of education under the Communist regime, he is now unemployed in the post-wall world, but still writing papers and attending academic conferences. He had written a paper to deliver at a conference and translated it into English himself. He needed it reviewed by a native English speaker, and I was only too happy to have an opportunity to be useful —something a traveler does not often experience. The paper was interesting. It addressed the issue of how educators can help young people develop constructive skills for conflict resolution. The impetus for the topic was the rising violence and increasingly organized hate groups in Germany, particularly former East Germany. His appeal focused on tolerance and spent much time defining the concept, quite well I thought. After we were finished and his father left, I asked Michael about him. It turns out he was quintessentially of his generation: a member of Hitler Youth, then a successful academic under the Communist regime. The irony of this Jewish American faggot helping this former Nazi youth and Communist intellectual translate a liberal definition of tolerance was beautiful.

My m ajor disagreem ent with the author has to do with his assum ption (which ap p ears several tim es th ro u g h o u t the book) that this particular form of M agic cannot work w ith w om en, because they d r a i n the sexual energy (i.e. cum) and short-circuit the M agic. I believe that each individual contains many en erg ies which can work in harm ony or against each other. If we are com fortable w ith this many sidedness there will be no need to project fear or hatred o nto others. Women do not steal m en's "vital energy" anym ore than anal intercourse betw een two men does. A lso , Sex Magic between men and women does not have to involve actual intercourse, just as Sex Magic b e t w e e n two men does not, as the author points out. But the most im portant point in the book is that our body is a Tem ple and if we take care o f it as such and treat it with respect then we ourselves becom e its high-priests, or the Gods we invoke in our Magic. I f you are interested in ideas and suggestions to experim ent with and utilize as you see fit, you will probably find some very good insights in this book.

Sandorfag's chronicles will continue with further tales of the East as he ventures into Poland and (lie Czech Republic.

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column is to provide a way for gay communities to increase their outreach, as well as to highlight contact letters from people interested in living communally. Send submissions to:

Communities Contact 904 Vickers Hollow Rd. Dowell town, TN 37059 New rural gay "intentional â&#x20AC;? communities are starting to pop up all over the place - maybe not like weeds, a bit more like oh-socarefully placed pansy beds. Just two days after I asked the RFD staff their feelings about adding this feature, I received a piece from Sir DeVille, "Suddenly IDA, Destiny, Faewood, Rose o f Sharon, Ganowungo, Faeville and more. " While it is exciting to see interest in rural gay community living increasing, it is even more fabulous to see the actual number o f communities rise. Yet, ever since I left Atlanta nearly two years ago in search o f my own communal destiny, I have sensed the need for some sort o f information central to help new communities form or grow and to expose this lifestyle option to more people. I imagined a collection of news and inspiring tidbits that might help interested individuals connect to what is already going on or to others who are ready to make things happen. By sharing their own experiences, new communities can help others who are interested in starting communities get past some fears that may be holding them back Or, by publicizing their existence to the RFD readership, communities may attract more visitors, bringing new energy, ideas, money or even members to their group. Perhaps most importantly, an article may encourage someone to take his first step into discovery and visit a community. For me the most inspiring experiences have come from spending time with others who already live communally. Visiting Short Mountain helped me a lot to clarify my own picture o f how I wanted to live. But it has also been very useful just to talk and share ideas. Every time I hold an invigorating conversation my own ideas become more focused, more workable and real.

SHARE YOUR VISION OF COMMUNITY: So, I 'm putting out this forum, this call for stories and information. I hope that by circulating more information, people may find their path more easily in this particular, and in many ways elusive, road to personal growth. I encourage people to write their own visions o f communities that they might want to be a part o f I invite communities to send whole articles describing themselves and sharing their visions, accomplishments, needs and desires. Ultimately, / hope to offer a listing o f all groups that wish to increase their outreach, complete with general descriptions, vision statements, addresses and contact persons. The community experience is very powerful. Many people come and later relate that their visit had subtly changed their lives. A recent visitor to IDA underscored how lucky we are. I asked him what he saw. He responded that it is our intimacy as a group that he found so precious. He has felt a desire for stronger connections with gay men in Atlanta, but with every ones' time consumed by the demands o f city life, people share only so much. Indeed it is not simply a desire to live cheaply, or live in the country, or grow ones own food, or enhance ones spirituality that holds a community together. The greatest bond is each memberâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s desire to share their life, complete with the challenges and joys that each member brings to the group. Living communally is not easy. It takes a strong commitment to both the land and the group, with 65

the rewards in personal growth truly amazing. This past year helping establish IDA has unquestionably been one of my most challenging and rewarding years. Here is an opportunity to share your own interest or experience in living communally with RFDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s eclectic readers. Put it out there and see what happens! -Phil Woodward

ALOHA from FAEVILLE.. MAHALO ONENESS Faeries All Engaged In Living Loving Ecstasy. Permaculture. Sustainable. Eden Happening place. Far removed from barrage of civilization. A nascent circle of loving companions coming together with the common intention of wholeness and simplicity in living. Suitors o f Pele. Our oft misunderstood fiery goddess does not destroy but rather continually creates anew. Our loving Mother abundantly nourishes our common essence. Zen landscape of a'a lava, sacred ohia, orchids, ferns, and mosses. Warm tropical showers and intense blue skies. The sunniest rainiest spot on the planet. Suddenly IDA (TN), Destiny (VT), Faewood (WA), Rose of Sharon (AR), Ganowungo (WV), Faeville (HI) and more. The realization we can create a new reality far removed from the assimilationist consumerist paradigms of the past. The whole greater than the sum of the parts. Share the dream. Faeville is a healing community based on sustainable agriculture, live whole foods, and open honest mutually satisfying communications. Owned and run by the Faeville Trust. Trustees are self-nominated and elected by consensus. Landancing in the garden yields abundance of lilikoi (passion fruit), banana, papaya, Abiu, rollenia, mamay, jakfruit, spoonmeat coconut, and more. Goddess willing, we are on 21 acres by the time you read this. Living naked year round. Panoramic ocean view from 300 ft elevation, and one mile crow flight. Will be paradise found when you arrive. Blessed be! Faeville PO 1463 Pahoa HI 96778 (808)334-3359

EXCLUDED HISTORY We We We We And

are are are are the

the boundary w alkers, the w inkte, the mahu. the faggots, the fairies, the pansies, the queers. sensitive, d ifferen t, artistic, creative. perverse, u n n atu ral, u n co n tro lled , u n restrain ed . w orld needs us now more than ever.

We are view ed som etim es as traitors, W earing m enâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s form , using men's privilege, and living men's lives, But with some distance and occasional irony. We are party to w om en's talk, May adopt w om en's attitudes and ways o f being in the world, But never w ithout com m ent or sense of daring. We are em issaries in the conflict between men and women, T he p eacem akers, the tran slato rs, the go-betw eens.

And yet we are men, Down to the XY chrom osom es in our fingernails. O ur cocks are no sm aller, We know, we have looked, We grow as much hair on our bodies. And I have heard, Although I adm it it may be rum or, That some o f us are even adept at fixing cars. And we have learned some of the w orst rules o f being men. We have learned to view sex in term s o f conquest R ather than intim acy. Having no need to objectify women. We have o b je ctifie d ourselves. We have learned to ignore the m essages O f our bodies, our planet, O ur em otions. We have let our image become One o f soulless beauty and irresponsible wealth. We have allow ed our love for other men To be overw helm ed by our distrust.

We are a proud people and have no desire To be betrayed or belittled. O ur sense o f com m unity, often endangered, Still survives to nourish us all. In the present as well as the past Some o f us have reached the noblest heights of hum anity. But in this time When the rivalry and fear o f men for each other T hreatens to turn this w orld into a cinder We are needed more than ever. And can the rest o f the world offer usbrotherhood W hile accepting our d ifferences We will have to adm it That we need them too.

Tom Seidner

ÂŠ 1993 Steven Baratz

Remembering Our fr ie n d s a n d L o v e d Ones . . . Skid

M arks

Ceiling

Boy oh boy. what a beautiful boy named Blake How did it all begin? At a bar in a booth in the back who would have ever thought all these wonderful memories that meeting brought

BLAKE STONE Few many years 1 was mentor to Blake Stone. He passed away July 9, 1994 with his family tn Texas. In recent years he resided with his partner in New Orleans. LA. Many Nashvillians will miss him. This poem expresses some of my memories of Blake.

There was pool and a plaid shirt and a lot of others in the crowd but for me there was only you and as always the music was much too loud So no one could hear and I was too scared to speak I only gazed but you must have seen through the smoke-filled haze; for it was you that made the very first call the very next day. Boy oh boy, what a beautiful boy named Blake It didn’t take long to learn my intentions were wrong. Just a little tease, a hug and a kiss and we soon became brothers not lovers. You needed a listener and I needed to be needed It was as simple as this So I listened and lots lots more. It started out with a late tap on the window and a rose at your door. Sometimes I'd forget and begin to whine: "Blake, you're wasting my time." But now . . . rich with sweet memories and the years gone by. . . . . . I understand why. Time has been so short for us and now shorter for you. I’m here keeping the memory alive and you keep sending the smiles that I will now need to learn to keep in a single file.

A relevant note, he was deprived of Rifle Guard Team in high school because he was male. With positive persistence and a lot of talent he returned to McGavoek High School to teach Rifle Guard in the 1980’s. At that post he led McGavoek to many victories in state and national competitions. — Sam Adams

The single file of smiles gel longer as I reflect. . lisp-like sounds of a little boy with too much food in his mouth Especially with words like "orange juice" and "I’m sorry, Sam " . Your voice calling my name, oh what a beautiful sound! Then there were the talks and the times of a Spencer and a Jim and your love for all of them But most of all the memory that lingers is your passion for the Rifle Guard and the colors of the Marching Band I can see strength in your eyes and a perfect rifle in your hand. Now I can even hear ABBA with "Lay all your love on me." Are you listening, my beautiful brother named Blake? Wherever you are I know you can hear the music too For me. . . guess I’m caught up in the memory and love’s obsession while counting the rifle's skid marks from your practice session; where you touched my heart and would twirl it with fire. ’Rest and watch with me now as your rifle hurls higher, higher and higher. — Sammy Joe Adams

Dear RFD Reader, This is not a proposition. I seek no sex, and desire no lover. C orrespondence only for the sake o f correspondence is desired, on any m atter save my sexual and/or fantasy life. 1 seek only to talk politics, philosophy, religion, s p ir itu a lity , lite ra tu re , p a g a n is m , o u r movement, and the long overdue revolution. I don't care who you are, or what you look like -- your correspondence is welcome. I’m a Bisexual, W estern M arxist, pro-Fem inist, and Post-Christian environm entalist Pagan. I’m 23 years old and a student of Econom ics and Philosophy. Save me from an em pty m ailbox, and converse with me. Owen R Broadhurst 96 Elbert Rd. Agawam, MA 01001

Hello Rural Friends! It is a rainy day here in the northeast, a good day to catch up on letters, but also a good day to feel lonely. I’ve just begun to receive RFD, and feel the need to make friends or penpals with other country men. I am 40, 6 ’ 2”, 185 lbs, clean shaven, non sm oker and grew up on a dairy farm . I’m currently w orking with dairym en in the New York/ V erm ont area; fine people, but not very understanding when it comes to gay living. So I keep my private life to myself. We all know how small town folks like to talk! I’m very discreet, try to lead a sensible life, but need to share thoughts, feelings, and my occasionally off-the-w all sense of humor with like-m inded souls. I like bicycle riding, collecting records and C D ’s, crossw ord puzzles, nude hiking & swimming (this is the Summer of Skin), sci-fi. I’m an unaccom plished keyboard player. I know very little about being a faerie, wicca or pagan soul - I’m just a down-to-earth, simple man who enjoys being with other men. I'd like to hear from guys in other parts of the country, and especially here in the NY/VT area, preferably my age & younger, for close encounters of the mental and physical kind Stay gold! Steve H. d o RFD #79

C o j y j Z k c 'T

Putting this in a letter is probably a mistake to begin with, but I’ll try to be me as much as possible; it’s already too much talk and overboard — I’m 48, about 5 ’ 11”, 220, used to pow erlift and now ju st plain lift, very muscular, great chest and arms, grey hair (lots o f it!), an artist (painter, conceptual and collagist), published poet (5 books), very high achiever, red glasses, graduate degree in far east re lig io n s, have w orked for Jew ish organizations all my life for wages. Dream of rural com m unity/ farm / gay com m une like the one in L ib erty , TN. Som etim es dream of living downtown Philly. Grew up here, went to C entral High and Temple U. Live now in Cherry Hill - both a + and a -. We can talk about it. Also just dream of being happy with a man, doing our stuff, like everyone else. Drive a truck, a funky Dakota. Like fast cars. Been listening to Pet Shop Boys for weeks straight. Also love Iggy Pop, 1NXS and the blues. Com ing out is a new experience. W riting a book about that as well. Have looked for younger guys but I’m not sure why. Yes, there’s the whole physical thing up front but I’m more into kissing, hugging and finding out what works than being real specific about top, bottom or sideways. D on’t m isunderstand — I’m very sexual but open and willing to explore. Slow then fast. Part o f me is alw ays falling in love. A rom antic visionary. Still have attachm ents to family here and responsibilities. A nything’s possible though. Like to meet man. I’m told I’m youthful looking and youthful thinking. I bake bread, cook a great m eal, saw M oonstruck (the movie) over 30 times on video, and would like to meet you for a beer or a coffee. Call me at 609.429.1836

Bottom w ants B earded M en: GW M, 38, 5’5”, 140 lbs, cleanshaven, HIV negative, seeks bearded men for safe sex/relationship. My interests include astrology, aerobics, Eastern religion/theosophy, classical music, meditation. I am an intelligent and physically fit bottom looking for the right top. Bears and chubbies are especially welcom e. Please give date of birth and photo. Steven B. d o RFD #79 Hello, I’m Mike, 43, blonde, blue. 1 am looking for the love of my life. I am HIV+, but very healthy, live in beautiful VT in Summer, FL in winter I am seeking a HIV+ gay male 18-39 to share love, sex, passion, caring on a till death-do-us part basis. Have no racial hangups. I am a dominant top, but you will never find a more loving, caring generous person. I am looking for a bottom guy, who is looking for what I can offer Please no drugs or alcohol. Mike Williamson 30 Green Street, Apt. 2 Brattleboro, VT. 05301

Dear Life Partner, I am in want and need of my spiritual life partner. You are probably 30 to mid 40 and com m itted to life’s spiritual journey. The body your soul is inhabiting at the present time is tall with an average to muscular build and your face is nice to look at. You are stable (em otionally and financially), strong and masculine yet gentle and affectionate. You are an aw akening m ulti-sensory personality who is norm al yet com fortable with being hom osexual. The body I dwell in during the present incarnation is 5 ’7” tall with an average m an’s build and a handsom e boyish 30 year old face. I have blue eyes and dark blond hair. I am Christian yet I believe there is validity in other God-centered faiths. My hobbies include read in g , sin g in g , star g azin g and soul searching. I am a light to m oderate drinker and a light, socially-aware smoker. My ideal life situation is to connect with you, my spiritual life partner, and take care of you and all your dom estic needs. I am very committed and devoted and I expect the same. See you soon. Paul Joseph d o RFD #79

In March of next year I’ll be buying a van and, taking a year or so off, traveling around the country, M exico, and Canada. It’s a dream I’ve had, to transverse the continent, meeting people, making friends and learning from all the experience has to offer. I don’t have a set plan beyond that and don’t wish to schedule the trip beyond deciding where I want to go and going. And I’ve decided to open the van up to any who want to travel, provided there is room and sharing expenses, for as long as they wish to travel. I’m also looking for people who are w illing to open up their hom es to m yself and whoever else is along, for short periods or people who are willing to connect and share a bit of their lives and lifestyles. I’m 27, an artist and writer and I have my own underground m agazine that I have just started and plan to continue on the road. I’m just looking for other people who feel life is experience and are willing to go through it fully without expectation except to learn and grow and connect with other people. So write. Bo Wake man 145 Attorney St. #6C NY, NY 10002

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Hi. my name is Nickhaulas, as I journey through life 1 am seeking new and meaningful relationships. 1 love the earth, the air. the sky. the water and the spiritual elements of life with its dancing rhy thms of nature. My interests are e a rth s p iritu a lity , d ru m m in g , a n im a ls & traveling. I enjoy working with colors and art. I am seeking a caring and loving young man to share my life with. My goals are to live and work tow ards a better environm ent for all through com m unication and action. I like going to festivals, gatherings and earthspiritual events. I enjoy camping, reading, talking, music and nature. It really would be nice to have a boyfriend who can share these sim ple but sim ilar interests and can identify with m en’s spirituality. 1 have a dog named Princess who is my best friend and com panion. She is very magickal and caring. We spend a lot of time together. I do comm unity service work. I am looking for someone w'ho 1 can share life with. I am a free spirit, independent and responsible. I guess 1 am a hippie-witch, young at heart, a neo-pagan, radical faerie, flowing with the wind, a dream er, a creator, living with the forces that make life move and flow. As the wheel of the year turns, 1 am on that life search and journey. Now I am taking the action to netw ork and com m unicate and m eet new friends and hopefully a friend that I can share my life with. Now is the time to open my body to the rainbow of heaven, open my m ind to the knowing within, open my spirit to m anifest power, open my heart to the love all around. We are the dance of the moon and sun. We are the light th at’s in everyone. We are a circle, within a circle, with no beginning and never ending. Peace love & light al

IX’ar RFD Readers: GW M in southwest V irginia seeking a sincere friendship and possibly more 1 am discreet, honest and caring person Don’t have anyone, so any response would be greatly appreciated. Come on and let me hear. E o f Southwest Virginia c/o RFD #79 I am GWM and like so many other gay men 1 am lonely, and desire to correspond with other men regardless o f their race or location or desire. I welcome all who write and begin a friendship that m ight develop into som ething else. 1 like gardening and country life. I hope to hear from you soon. I love good sex too. W rite soon. John P.O. Box 180 Peterstown, W.Va 24963

N ative A m erican-N on-S terio-typical looking Indian M an, B earded, M asculine, 5’8”, 150 lbs, 36, slender build, considered attrac. Healthy, Educated, intelligent. Aware and sin c e re . T rad e m a rk s -- G ro u n d e d S p ir itu a lity , I n te g rity , W ill in n e ss to comm unicate from the Heart, In touch w/ SelfFeelings. Enjoys: B aseball-R odeo, F ish in ’, Nature, Mountains, woods, water, Earth & Sky. H ave T rav e lle d extensively', W o rld v iew exposure. Art, m usic, Healing. A ppreciates refineness as well as D ow n-to-E arth-ness. Seeks sim ilar ‘B EA R S’ to connect with in a m utually supportive manner. W ould like to m eet Mr. M ate at som e point as well as develop good friendships - based on honesty, integrity, and loving com m unications. Mr. Mate could be a ‘BEAR’ type fellow who is evolved, N/S, sincere, intelligent, good hearted, considerate, 34-40ish, husky, hairy, ‘stache or B earded, personable, 150-210 lbs(around). I’m not into DRUGS/ A lcohol/ ABUSERS. Seeking to connect with Friendly associates, Pen-pals, G ood-tim es, a relationship, at the right time in that order. Strong Affinity with L ibra’s, C ancer’s & L eo’s. I desire balanced relationships, to be acknowledged, appreciated & E m otional availability. I have a HIGH capacity for these Tradem arks and more. Not in to T O X IC , p o is o n o u s , d e m e a n in g relationships on any level. I’m serious about this, BULLSHIT NOT DESIRED. If you can relate, have clarity of mind, awareness of Heart, any goodness o f character, please respond in kind. Not into W iccan, Fundam entalism , or Prisoners.

Greetings, I am a 44-year-old southern male 1 weigh 145, am 5’8”, dark blond, moustached, and in good health. I more than enjoy nature; it is my life blood. 1 live in the city but hope to move to a more rural area in the south before 1996. 1 hate city living and I am not in the gay society or bar circuit. I am somewhat of a loner, meaning 1 enjoy time for myself, but 1 do enjoy my friends and home visits. 1 am single again, m asculine, and love my big old dog Alphonse. 1 don’t know any folks like me here in the city and since I d on't go to bars or special interest groups, I get lonely for folks who like the things I do and are earth-people. I am open to potential relationships with masculine, m oustached fellow s 35-50; or just friends throughout the south, C hristian, Pagan, New Age, but hopefully spiritually oriented where love, kindness, neighborly concern are much more im portant than w ho’s who, fashions. Enclosed is a photo. Please write. Nigel Jennings 149 Peachtree Cir. N.E. Apt. “ D” Atlanta, GA 30309

Hello from North Carolina, I am a white m ale, 6 ’2” , 240 lbs., just turned 34, living in Clyde, N.C. I have brown hair and green eyes. I enjoy outings in the secluded cou n try sid e, m ovies, candlelight dinners. I guess you could say that I am a hopeless rom antic. If you have sim ilar interests, drop me a line.

31 y/o GWM Artist/ Photographer wishes to correspond with others o f same interest. Also any NC or SC faeries to age 40 but will answer all. Maybe to form an artist’s circle. Maybe to worship the phallus. Maybe to....

Back-to -the-land-Brother? Familiar with a new lifestyle theme known as “Careful Conserver?” It entails conserving over consum ing, barterin g over buying, nurturing over exploitation, frugality over selfindulgence. It’s a m ovem ent that is just beginning to happen in our country, away from big cities to a setting that is rural and lies am id farm s, fo rests, lakes, stream s and mountains. Locales that provide easy access to nature. This movement is from suburbia to a new place c a lle d “ P e n tu rb ia ” w hose in h a b ita n ts p rid e th e m se lv e s on selfsufficiency, thrift and quality of life. It demands a curb on waste and pollution, the careful tending of natural resources and our environm ent. A hom e-based business (possibly mail order) ideally fits into this movement. It is a goal which 1 am presently seeking along with a partner, personal (intimate) and business I am 52 years of age, about 5 ’ U " , 161) lbs. Sexually, I am mainly a bottom seeking a top. Monogamy, health consciousness, a sense of hum or and LOVE are a lso e sse n tia l ingredients to include in this partnership. 1 am open to relocation, how about you? I even have a U.S. map show ing areas of potential “ P e n tu rb ia .” Let’s reach out for each other!

Jeff Bailey P.O. Box 413 Clyde, NC 28721

Chris 625 Pecan Ave. Charlotte, NC 28204

Bee Natural Herbal Den Rt. 1. Box 1350 Lexington, Georgia 30648-9761

Nickhaulas Papatonis 142 W ashington Street Binghamton, NY 13901

56 year old/ virgin to the gay scene. Looking for a 20 to 3 0 -year-old to initiate me in the loving art o f male to male SEX and love. W ant som eone who wants to have a relationship, long term not just sex for sex sake. Caring and sharing just as im portant. Interested in all forms of male sex. Carl Jacksonville, NC c/o RFD #79

Brett K. Rt. 1, Box 281 NC 27844

Dear Faeries: This a call to any persons interested in the formation of a NORTH CENTRAL FLORIDA FA ERIE SA NCTUARY / COLLECTIV E. As the core of what we hope will become a larger group of individuals united in realizing this goal, we welcome your ideas, skills, energy, and suggestions. We propose looking for rural land, not too far from G ainesville, in Alachua County, as such a location can offer the beauty of living amid rolling hills, m oss-draped live oaks and flow ing creeks, with the em ploym ent and cultural advantages of a small, university city. The clim ate here is typically hot, with clear m ornings and a fternoon show ers in the sum m er, and mild, dry winters. It is not tropical, as it generally freezes several hours each year. Within a short drive are hundreds of lakes, rivers, and crystal-clear springs, not to mention both coasts. At present we count among our group of interested folk skills ranging from French intensive organic farm ing to carpentry, solar e le ctricity , plum bing and cooking. Our financial m eans are lim ited, but apparently workable, and we do not discourage those with skills and no money from participating. There may be housing available as the tim e for hunting land approaches. O f particular value to us would be: 1) advice on how to set up a legal structure to fa c ilita te b o th fu n d -ra is in g and land acquisition, 2) guidelines on how much land we need/can afford, given a typical price of $1,800 to $3,000 per acre, two com bined (m odest) incom es, the incorporation o f an existing, m edium -sized organic farm , and potential donations/gathering income, and 3) votes o f confidence from anyone who might be interested in attending a W ARMER WINTER GATHERING, or having a place to visit in Florida. We hope to host an initial gathering in early spring (late February/early M arch) and will keep you posted as to the exact time in the winter, ‘95 RED. Peace to you all! Matt Whitney Petey Sharon 3310 N. W. 4th Street Gainesville, FL 32609 (904) 377-2110 Hello, My name is Sergio. 1 am a 40-year -old, GEM, who lives in the Miami area. I am very interested in wicca, new paganism and any earth-goddess religion. 1 like music (Classical and New Age), I do a lot o f reading (and a little letter writing), 1 like nature, 1 love the beach, 1 don’t smoke or do dnigs, drink only socially I’d like to meet and make friends in the area who have the same interests, but only ■‘real" people. I wonder if there are any real, honest interesting faeries som ewhere around here? Age, race are of no importance to me. Sergio c/o RED #79

I am a 28 yr. old GW M 5 ’ 11”, 165 lbs. m edium length straw berry blond hair, short red beard and mustache and hazel eyes. I’m moderately hairy, well endowed and versatile. I lead a hippie/pagan/ spiritualist lifestyle. I’m a vegetarian, professional psychic, channel and author -- I am extrem ely passionate, and sexual. I am looking for that special man who resonates with my energy, to share with, play with and wake up next to several days a week. Betw een the ages of 18-35 whose weight is proportionate to height. Blessed Be Leslie Russ P.O. Box 37523 Sarasota, FI. 34278

Hello again to my gay brothers and playmates: As of July second, I’ve been here in Central Florida one full year. If anything has c h an g e d , it m ight be that I ’m m ore enthusiastic then ever about this beautiful home, the location, the bountiful weather, and the people in this area. The first new resident will have joined me here by the time you read this, but there is still space for one to four more gay men to join us. In case y o u ’ve forgotten my first ad let me refresh your m em ory. The house itself has twelve rooms but noone would guess it from the street. It has a low p rofile view w ith a C ape C od design surrounded by a garden setting in a quiet historical neighborhood but w ithin fifteen minutes of a huge National Forest. T here’s an ell shaped living room /dining room , kitchen next to a sm all breakfast room , tw o sun porches a master bedroom for two, two smaller bedrooms and an office that can' be used as a bedroom next to the two room kitchen/living area and bath that is a guesthouse. There is central air and heat in the main house and a sm all h eatin g unit in the u n fu rn ish e d guesthouse, but the m ain house is now com pletely furnished. As a gay man I do not need a house this size, but I w anted to pass som ething on of value to a few hardworking conservative lonely men like m yself who have lost m ost o f their friends and family along the way and now need and deserve the com panionship and caring o f other gay brothers. E veryone residing here will be treated equally with no landlord and no bosses. E xpenses will be shared equally (depending on your wants and needs) but costs will be kept to a minimum. All the house ru les w ill be d e cid ed d e m o c ratica lly ; and afte r five y ears in re sid en c e, each person w ill becom e a perm anent resident and a guiding board member. It will be their job to insure that this property will continue to house gay men at m inim um expense and m axim um com fort. It’s my dream that this will be the start o f a wonderful new lifestyle, providing love and support for a small group that will flourish and grow. Before I close, let’s not forget sex. Naturally I can only speak for m yself but I treasure my privacy. M ore than that, I demand it!!! Therefore, all of us are entitled to doors that lock and will have them. W hat you do behind closed doors is your business, so do it all baby!!! If you feel you deserve a quiet, conservative, caring and sharing future, drop me a note! W.A.Hardt P.O. Box 1601 Ocala, Florida 34478

I’m a 37 y.o. GW M, 6 ft., 180 lbs, short dark hair & mustache, HIV negative, athletic and healthy. I’m a fairly masculine man — a "boots and jeans” type, although occasionally I’ll wear a shirt and tie. I’m also well-adjusted em otionally, have an active m ind, and am playful, even rom py, although also often quiet. And I’m also alm ost excessively creative. After 2 years in the city. I’d like to return to a rural lifestyle I’d like the next move to be my last. I would also like to settle into a for- thelong- haul m onogam ous relationship with a m asculine man aged 30-45 or so. He should have the same values that I do — of physical health, honesty, com m unication, exploration of ideas, a sense o f com m unity, a sense of the magic of existence. If you’re such a man living in a rural environm ent and find the above interesting, please write and tell me about yourself, include a photo, too. K.M. c/o RFD #79

Dear RFD Readers: Gay male, sexually versatile, seven inches, uncut, invites gay m ale trav elers to stop o v e rn ig h t and spend som e tim e at my Tennessee mountain log home, only two miles from Interstate 24, atop Monteagle Mountain. Jim Gipson 293 Anderson Cem. Rd. P.O. Box 3321 Sewanee, TN 37375. Dear RFD’ers: GBM , 32, 5 ’ 7 1/2”, 155 lb, fit and attractive seeks a real southern man. Have good sense of hum or and want to meet other attractive men from the South/M idw est who know who they are and what they want. Enjoy the F lorida beaches, auto-racing and men whose looks are as attractive as their heart and sincerity. Oh, by the way, I’m an Aries and prefer men between the ages of 24-34. P.O. Box 155 Piketon, Ohio 45661-0155 Hi! I’m Dave, a masculine GW M, 38, 6 ’2” , 180 lbs., dark blonde/ blue, clean shaven, moderately hairy, sm oke/ drink/ drug-free. I am like the guy next door with a dash o f GQ model thrown in, and I’m seeking a sim ilar type of man. I’m a sem i-solitary pagan here in Detroit (open to relocation) psychic, dabble in Eastern traditions and an avid recycler. I’m studying m assage therapy w ith plans to becom e a p h y sic ia n ’s a ssistan t. I love cuddling, tit-play, jocks, lycra, shaving, etc. I ’m a fitn ess bu ff and enjoy b icy clin g , running, wrestling & weightlifting. I’m HIVand looking for a man to be my best friend and m onogam ous lover. I prefer white men between 30 and 45, athletic, moderate to no body and facial hair, clean-cut (bald ok), fairly trim & pagan. W hile interests and spirituality are more important than looks, I also like for my dick to get hard! Also want to hear from any men into wrestling. Dave Reed P.O. Box 2341 Livonia, MI. 48151-0341

G reetings from the Land o f Sk\ Blue W aters! My name is Wesley and 1 live in northwest M innesota I'm a GW M. 30 years old, 6". 185 lbs. with hazel eyes and brown hair. 1 farm with my parents in an area where the prairies, northwoods and lakelands overlap, a diverse and beautiful land. I'm looking for a man who is masculine and around my age, who is honest and warm and wants to share my country life. The winters are cold here, but I'll keep you warm! I'm honest, funny, and very rom antic. I also believe God is alive everywhere, especially where the wild things are. My interests include nature w alks, th u n d ersto rm s, clo u d s. N orthern L ights, volleyball, science fiction and epic fantasy, rock, pop. New Age. and animals of all kinds. If you’re serious and interested drop me a line and let's learn about each other W ho knows? Love and Peace,

There must be a lot of elderly gay men out there who would like to write letters to each other regardless of the sex angle I soon will be 85 but am alert and w ould like to correspond with any other gay man. I read a lot. am interested in metaphysics and different disciplines such as astrology, NDE. and life after death I also enjoy watching basketball and movies. Enjoy almost all kinds of music especially classical I like to write letters and anything you are interested in I will respond. Maybe just about our lives in general Most of my life has been lived in the city but grew up in W yom ing I am not interested in a relationship,although if you would like to talk about sex that is OK too. John D. c/o RFD #79

Wesley Hilliard RR l/B o x 930 Lengby, MN 56651 G/BiW M , 19, 5’ 10”, 190, br, bu seeks GWM with personality! I like stocky, hairy men. M oustache & beard +. HIV-. I am a devout Wiccan, but am open-minded. Smokers and pot smokers OK. I love sex, but friendship comes first (safe sex only). L et’s get together for music, m ovies, love and good times! No games, please. I will answer all. Love to you, my brothers. Darren M. 108 Nicholas Ave. Apt. #4 Danville, IL 61832 (217) 442-2359 NW Ark. GWM, 30, 5’ 8 1/2”, trim, athletic build, blue eyes, light brown hair needs to have strong mental connection with potential friend or lovers. Am college educated but you don’t need to be -- just able to have an intelligent conversation. Likes -- reading, travel, writing, beards, outdoors, spirituality, laughter, sex — and anything that com bines two or more of the above. Dislikes — materialistic pretensions, shallow attitudes, heavy sm okers/ drinkers, negativity, beer guts, lazines?. My ideal mate will stim u la te me m entally as well as physically. Like to experience sensual things (good food, art, music, massage) with someone special. Also looking for someone in a warm climate for winter visits -- after we spend time getting to know each other. Especially interested in meeting someone who, like myself, grew up in a small college town in a rural state, regardless of where you live now. Also those who returned to sm aller towns after escaping the chaos of the big city. Jim F. c/o RFD #79 Young Daddy (33) Arlington Texas is looking for son. My son should be honest, loving and caring like his Daddy. Son can be any legal age, will work and must love being taken care of. Daddy is a top, son loves being a bottom. Bill P.O. Box 201421 Arlington, TX 76006-1421

Hi, my name is Ryan and I am 21 years old. I am a good-looking GW M, 6 ’ 0", 165 pounds, and HIV negative. 1 have light brown hair and hazel eyes. My hobbies include photography, sw im m ing, working out, going to clubs and just hanging out with my friends. I am interested in m eeting “ HOT" H ispanics and Latinos between the ages of 18 and 35. I am straight acting and very outgoing. Your photo gets mine. Ryan Angerm iller P.O. Box 19 Sinton, TX 78387-0019

42 6 ’ br. long hair 190 lb. Looking for a like age person quiet sensitive , into fires, the desert, m ountains, forests. I have a m asters in painting/ draw ing and do social, political, contem porary art. L ive in a seven story Victorian building with 14 birds and an iguana. Grew up in C entral T exas around cow s, chickens, horses, and goat ropers. Have ten acres of wilderness near Datil. New M exico at the top of the Gila National Forest. If any o f the above interests you write to:

Hello. Right now I am a part-time rural-liver and within the next few years I should be cozily ensconced in my vintage 1957 Spartan House Trailer complete with a spacious, aestheticallycompatible studio and loft. Yes I am a T railer Q ueen and thanks to Amos M arie’s greatly appreciated article (My Spiritual Home Spring ‘94) I’m out of the closet about it! Any other trailer queens out there? I’d love to hear from you. Amos, if you read this, thank you so much for such a w onderfully-w ritten piece about a subject so dear to my heart. I’m sorry that you didn’t get to enjoy the trailer that you fell in love with. Reality can be a bitch sometimes, ya know? I would very much like to correspond with you. Carson is halfway between Taos and Ojo Caliente. I would especially like to correspond/ meet any gay men in the Taos area, some likeminded souls to share in the joys of living in Northern New Mexico. Happy Solstice. Maurice Palinski P.O. Box 58 Carson, NM 87517 505-758-5827

RDF 140 N. Stevens #200 El Paso, TX 79905 Teddy bear type guy, flannels, boots, jackets, bearded would like to meet same. I am conservative spiritual, into you — working to be as one. 1-1 only. HIV- always-safe sex, j/o, hugs, body contact, touching. You should be intelligent, secure, culturally oriented, looking for som eone as I am. Am early retired and sensitive to the needs of others and receive great joy for doing things for my mate in life. 5’ 8” 185 packed, early retired. God Bless. Hike daily but like neat quarters and into autos. If you’re physically handicapped I am very interested as well, to age 60. Ron B. P.O. Box 38471 Colorado Springs, CO 80937

Hello. I am seeking having assistance. As of August 1, 1994 I will relocate to the Bolinas, CA area. If possible I would like to share a home with an individual or in a comm unity with others. In the past ten years l have lived with others close to nature, open-minded, and willing to support each others growth Short term housing assistance welcomed Michael Wetgard c/o D. Wolbers 190 Henry St. San Francisco, CA 94114

Hello RFD Readers. It is with some difficulty that I write this letter, hoping to create an image of m yself in words and feelings which will trigger a sense of recognition in a like-m inded person. I am seeking a life partner, a person with whom I can share the highest as well as the deepest experiences in life. Have you given up on your dream ? I haven't. I always strive to give people the space they need to be open, thus my relationships have been direct, stimulating, full of closeness and open com m unication. I think for m yself and make up my own mind, and I understand that life is very special and that feelings are very fragile. I have found my center. You may not have found yours yet, but you are seeking. You would be willing to take a chance with involvem ent, if you could find someone who was interesting, open and honest, and at least som ew hat attractive to you Somebody who wants to do things and share their time. A description of m yself and the type o f person I respond best to is perhaps appropriate at this point I am a W/M, 5' 10”, siim, wavy brown hair, very youthful, average looks, clean-shaven, 44, and look early thirties. I am a vegetarian and non-sm oker for good health and high energy. I am warm , funloving, adventurous, and passionate, and enjoy music, travel, desert hiking, astronom y, and p h o to g rap h y . I am also involved with electronics and com puter networking over the Internet as a means for expanding my world and m eeting other people. I think deep thoughts, but live lightly on this earth. I prefer a slender, healthy, W/M, 35-45, who is youthful and full of spirit, with similar or other interests to share. In addition I get along really well w ith y o u n g e r gu y s w ho are b rig h t, adventurous, enthusiastic about what they’re into, and who enjoy som eone w ho’s honest and direct with them, and thus would consider a somewhat younger man with an open mind, a thirst for experience, and a desire for honesty and sharing. Eventually I would like to live rurally with a partner, and can relocate if the right situation presents itself. CJ P.O. Box 121 La Canada, CA. 91012

I’m looking for pen-pals from the A ppalachian area w ith the possibility of m eeting som eday. I dream o f hiking in the G reat Sm oky M ountains and have been waiting for an opportunity to come along with the Sierra Club. 1 love trees, and want to see your natives in their spring or autumn raiment. I could show you our redwoods, madrones and oaks. I’m also interested to hear what it’s like to be a gay man in other parts o f the country. I live in a pleasant residential neighborhood in Oakland (next to Berkeley and San Francisco) and have access to a home in the Santa Cruz M ountains. My o th e r in te re s ts include gardening and bonsai, puppetry, decorating for holidays, vegetarianism , regular workouts in the gym , worm boxing, early tw entieth century classical and nostalgic popular music. On the lazy susan of spirituality, my favorite “religion” is Buddhism . I'm forty, tall and thin with dark hair and short beard. I hope to hear from you. I am

Hay Y’all, I’ve been living at Short M ountain Sanctuary for two and a half years now, and though I do love living here. I’ve realized that it’s difficult to generate money. So this winter I’m going to be staying in San Francisco and hopefully finding some work. If you would like some work done and live within a couple of hours of the city drop me a line. I'm in the process of building a house now (need $ to continue) so I have several construction ab ilities (fram ing, tile work, roofing, etc.),and also know some things about gardening, herbs, and edible landscaping. If i t 's a m assag e you need (b a la n c in g , accupresure, etc.), my hands are available. So if there’s som ething that you need done and haven't had time to do it yourself, please write me at the address below with your address and phone no. and help out a southern fairie in the big city. I also would just like to connect with people in the area to go places and do things with. See ya real soon, K hirShananda P.O.Box 170581 S.F., CA 94117

-P

Gentlemen: I am a GW M in my 50’s, 6 ’2”, 200 lbs., stocky, hairy build and love good sex with other gay males preferably with a little extra weight, lots of chest and body hair, beards and m ustaches, though not necessary all these bear-type qualities are a big plus. Also though not necessary, I prefer older men (over 40). I recently lost my partner of 29 years, four months , and four days to prostate cancer; and though still in the grieving process. I’m seeking a new life with new friends and hopefully that special man to share my bed and my life. I enjoy a nude lifestyle, nature, and the out-of-doors, long walks on the beach, swimming nude in the surf or a mountain lake or stream , hiking and camping. I’m an avid reader and a student o f A C O U R S E IN MIRACLES. I’d love to hear from other students of ACIM. I’m Fr. A/P; Gr. A/P; HIV-negative and have brown hair and eyes. I ’m a sm oker. D o n ’t drink or use d ru g s, o th er than c ig a re tte s . I 'm a loving, c arin g and compassionate man who believes that we must learn to accept everyone just as they are. We have to work to end the hate, anger, and homophobia that exists everywhere in today’s society and conquer FEAR. After all, all hate, anger and homophobia is FEAR! Jerry W Hankins P.O. Box 3761 San Diego, CA. 92163-1761

Larry Schmidt 3854 Greenwood Ave. Oakland, CA 94602

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\ Seeking country or city gay males or bi’s interested in marriage or who are Christians or believe in other religious faith, that want a special love bond of comm itm ent, honesty and grow old together. I have a nice personality, sense o f hum or, can be out-spoken in a positive way, very loving a lot! I’m not perfect 100% but, I’m willing to be 50/50 all the way with that special som eone. E verything is sexual, bars, games, I’m just too old for that. Are you? Does anyone realize they should love a person and settle down with for who they are in their hearts? I don’t smoke, drink little, don’t take drugs! Attractive teddy bear, mustache, hairy masc. type straight acting, 37, 5’8”, 155 lbs, brown hair, eyes, HIV negative, uncut thick, hobbies: nature, swimming, travel, historical sites, antiques, flea m arkets, music, m ovies, cooking, quiet evenings at hom e, basketball, lots o f love, m assage, kissing, cuddle & sex. I like young 22-39, teddy bears, very hairy or sm ooth, sw im m ers built or slender, very thick m eat, blonds, redheads, auburn, blackhaired types. W ant to hear from your heart! M Barrett 6244 Corson Ave. South Seattle, WA 98108

To those RFDers tired of cold winters: I live in a rural area of the Big Island of H aw ai’i on 4 acres planted in M acadamia nut trees, avocados, bananas, mangoes, as well as tomatoes, lettuce, peppers etc. I’d like to live as independently as possible and w ithout herbicides and pesticides. A m odern house, w hich can accom m odate tw o, holds only myself. T here’s a lot of work to do: weeding, planting, harvesting, cooking, eating, enjoying. A beautiful bay lays about a 15 minute drive away; I have 2 kayaks and would like to share them, as well as swimming and the quiet life. I’m a classical musician, especially interested in vocal music. I’m a white, HIV negative, 52 yo, 6 ’, 165’, male, vegetarian who likes to lift weights, read Zen or Calvin & Hobbes, listen to good music and make love (I’ve enjoyed all po sitio n s). I’m not co n cern ed about my p a rtn e r’s age or race, but he should be in good health and endurance for the work needed to m aintain the place. If you feel compatible, please write to me. Peace/Love/Joy GH P.O. Box 428 Kealakekua, HI. 96750.

Dear RFD. I have just returned from my first faerie gathering in California and am having a rather difficult time readjusting to this other world. Honolulu looks so different now . 1 guess 1 am in search of faerie magic and faerie energy to share. My spirit is longing for a heart circle. For more contact. In the m eantim e, I am noticing my old habits, filling time with the radio, TV, the gym. dancing, com pany, work, m eetings. Old and new fears. And I also notice some subtle changes, buying health food and mineral waters instead of KFC, being sensitive to what friends and co w orkers are feeling, and helping them and m yself to identify where these feelings are com ing from inside and how these might be addressed, trying to be spiritual myself, and trying on my pink dress in my shows (just to see what the reactions might be). I am also trying to stay off the drama circle of romance, but I don't know how long this will last. My friends say I look great, so healthy and relaxed. I do feel blessed. But I would like to continue the journey in heartspace. Please join me. Boundary issues: Although I wish to be com pletely open, I am not open enough to contact people in prison. I am 35, 100% Chinese, 4th generation bom in Hawaii, artist, consultant, HIV negative, in shape at this moment in tim e, and just trying to find my way. Very Truly Yours, Princess C/O RFD #79

Hey Fellow Earth Travelers. I am sending out Light & Love I would like some info, on w h at's up on the East C oast. 1 w as raised in upstate N Y. near Saratoga Springs. 1 moved to N. C alif when 1 was 25. Stayed in Santa Cruz till 1991 then up to Seattle till present. I've loved my west coast learning and grow ing experience but have been m issing family and the East. There are however a few things that 1 want and need when returning. One is a warm er m ilder winter. I d o n 't “do” snow anymore! Love my family but also d o n ’t need to live next door to them. Maybe a day or two drive would work. I also want to be close to a Gay comm unity for support, friendship, dates and dancing. Living near the country, so that in a few years I and a partner can buy some land. My life’s dream and goal is to buy land with a bam, or have one moved and turn it into our hom e, with a big painting loft. Painting and Art are my passion. Soon it will be my full-time income. I’m also working on starting my own card com pany. (Any info, on that would be nice too). The last 11 years I’ve made my income cutting HAIR, plus I can take that anywhere I go. I have a 10 yr. old Blue Heeler dog named Grizzy. In this life I’m a 5 ’7” 155 lb male, brown hair, green eyes, Aquarius 36 and furry. I believe we are all on the Earth but not of it! My plan is to head south in Fall and end up in Fla. for winter. Any hair jobs in Key West for the W inter? Spring head north and check it out. I’ve heard C harlotte, NC may be the place? I’m looking for my soulm ate ( I know you’re out there). I believe in Love at first sight or at least LU ST ! Thanks for any help. Bless you all in our journey in the light! Phil Alan Lamb 5445 16th Ave. S.W. Seattle, WA. 98106

fF JrD p rin ts co n ta ct fe tte rs fre e o f charge. W e also p ro vid e a fre e fo rw a rd in g service fo r readers w ho p refer n o t to pu blish th eir address. (D onations, h ow ever, a reg rea tly a p p recia ted W e a s f th a t yo u r le tte rs Se b rie f (u n der2 0 0 w ords) a n d p o sitive in sta tin g yo u r preferen ces. S ayin g to a p a rticu la r tr a it o r ch aracteristic m ay unnecessarily o ffen d a broth er. W e reserve th e rig h t to correct sp ellin g a n d e d it as w e s e e f it 7 e e lfre e to sen d a ph oto (b la d ^ a n d w h ite p rin ts b etter) w ith yo u r le tte r, a n d w tv M try to include, i t fH JJD assum es no resp o n sib ility fo r claim s m ade in le tte rs, a n d to e urge a ll respondents to exercise cau tion , esp ecia lly w ith any

My name is Lawrence (a.k.a. Larry, Sweet W oodruff to a few fey friends and Thubten Phuntsog to visiting Tibetan Rimpoch£s). I am a 44 yr. old HIV-, 6 1", 248# brown bearded bear interested in choral singing, history, poetry, herb gardening, exploring m ountains, forests, and the sea, Buddhist m editation and ritual, ecstatic dancing and tantric massage. I’m a consulting natural international chef, although I’m a bit tired of the kitchen after 25 yrs, and no longer always vegetarian. I’ve also been a h o m e -c a re w orker and train er/ supervisor of m entally challenged workers. I’m a C anadian resident (B urnaby is a V ancouver suburb) but a U.S. citizen from New York by the way of Vermont, W isconsin and Oregon. I’d like to correspond with likem inded bears everyw here, for friendship, possible travel and eventual rural relocation. I have one immediate special request. I’m a baritone in the V ancouver Lesbian and Gay Choir. Sacred choral m usic is one o f my passions. I see it as the yogic tradition of the West. However, many lesbians and gay men are very uncomfortable with Christian lyrics, the pain goes too deep. I am looking for joyous, transcendent choral music from other sources traditional or m odern. Som ething W iccan, scored for S.A.T.B. that I could sing with my sisters would be especially welcome. The m usical d irec to r and B oard o f the V .L .G .C . fre q u e n tly c o m m issio n new com positions and welcome proposals. Lawrence Merritt 3799 Warren Street Burnaby B.C. Canada V5G 2G6

Conscious handym en/jack’s of all trades, Nahcotta Sanctuary, a private wholistic retreat, needs a few strong men to exchange skills for housing. You are a masculine man of balance, se lf co n fid e n t, free, sp iritu a lly directed, physically fit, sexually conscious, c o m m u n ity o rie n te d , into n a tu re and p ro fic ie n t in sev eral o f the follo w in g : c arp e n try , plum bing, e le ctric, g ardening, anim al care, housekeeping, b ookkeeping, com puters. This 14-acre retreat facility is located in the state of W ashington on the remote tip of the Long Beach Peninsula. T his peninsula is bounded by the Columbia river, Pacific Ocean and the W illipa Bay (the last pure m arine estuary in the continental US). Nahcotta Sanctuary is more inclusive than exclusive in orientation and is supported by a spiritually-conscious local community. Nahcotta Sanctuary PO Box 87 Nahcotta, WA. 98637 ATT: Jim

I’m a GWM who’s been living in Tokyo, Japan for 10 years and am now creating life changes and will relocate to the US in 1995 or 1996 (focusing on SE. Ohio or C entral N. Carolina) Planning to do organic farming and hoping to find some brothers to share with in d ifferent ways; spiritual, sexual, creative, com m unity. I’m 46, 5 ’10” 190 lbs, bid, blu, m ustache, well built (jog & w ork-out) love languages, write poetry, fiction, paint, draw; very interested in Native American arts. Am ovolacto vegetarian, practice simple Buddhism, sham anism , respect and enjoy all people spiritually connected to the earth. I’m clean, sober, non-sm oker, non-codependent. I love rural life, gardening, architecture, furniture, hiking, cooking. I’ve learned to really appreciate the Western values of open, honest, equal com m unication, and really miss having fun with gay free-spirited men; my ideal is m u tu a lity , intim acy., and I a p p re c ia te m asculinity, a little exhibitionism , m uscles, sweat, jockstraps, raunchy talk. Love to hear from guys 2 5 -5 0 w ith c o m p lim e n ta ry interests. Your picture appreciated. I visit the US several times a year and will write. (Je parle francais aussi) Write: TC. Dow 5-14-26-106 Yakumo M eguro-ku, Tokyo 152 JAPAN

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Winter 1994 Spring 1995 Summer 1995 Autumn 1995

Issue Issue Issue Issue

#80 #81 #82 #83

October 15, 1994 January 15, 1995 April 15, 1995 July 15, 1995

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