RFD Issue 81 Spring 1995 by RFD Magazine Gay

eluctant

Kin a n c 1a i D ecisions v o lu m e XXI n u m b e r 3 Issu e 81 R FD ts a reader, written journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life-styles. A rticles often explore the building of a i sense of community, radical faenc consciousness, caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay m en â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s experiences Editorial responsibility is shared betw een the Department editors and the M anaging E ditors. The bu siness and general production is centered at Short Mt. Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by different groups. RED (ISSN # 0149-709X) is published quarterly for SIN per year by Short Mt. Collective, Rt 1, Box 84A, Liberty. TN 37095. Second class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RED, PO Box 68, Liberty. TN 37095. ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 N on-profit tax exem pt status under #23-7199134 as a function o f Gay Community Social Services Seattle, Washington.

Member: CLMP (Council of Literary Magazines & Presses) IGLA (Int'l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.) INDEXED by Alternative Press Index PO Box 33109 Baltimore. MD 21218

Front Cover Art Saviour I inure ttl: Knight

DKPARTMENT EDITORS

Back Cover Photo

HOOK REVIEWS Garland Terry, OK

HUH p e n p a l James Creagh, TN C U L IN A R Y Buddy May, GA Peter Baker, NY

FICTION JanNathan Long, TN

by Jesse W. Campbell

A Subscription to RED saves you money and really helps us SUBSCRIBE TODAY'

G A R D E N IN G Greengenes, TN LUNAR CA LEN DA R Moonhawk, GA

POETRY Steven Riel. MA

SPIRITUALITY

dreg's Harden Altar by Misb

Inside Cover Photos In Carlofoto Cover Lavout Design bv Phil Woodward

Val M. Cox, NM Title Page Fitment

Tango

by Jerry Harold llooten

Addendum to #80 W alter H olland is the author of the memorial for Yves l.uhin/A ssottn Saint published in the Winter issue.

. . .as we prophesied in the last Between the Lines, our paper, printing and postal costs have increased. Up until now RFD has just able to cover its expenses and give a very small monthly stipend to those of us in the Collective. Reluctantly, we are now forced to raise our prices to keep a balanced budget. The new cover price will be $6.50. However, to encourage you all to subscribeâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; which is the most beneficial to both you and usâ&#x20AC;&#x201D; we have kept our regular, second class subscription rate as low as possible: only fifty cents more an issue. However, first class and over-seas subscriptions, whose postal rates were formerly "subsidized", have been increased more, reflecting our real costs to deliver them. The new rates, as of June 21, 1995/Summer Issue, are as follows: Second Class Subscription.................................... ............... $ 20.00 Subscribe or renew before the summer solstice First Class (including Canada and Mexico). . . . . $32.00 Foreign Foreign Foreign Library Special Special

Surface........................................................... .............. $25.00 Air (Fairope)................................................. .............. $ 4 2 . 0 0 Air (Asia)....................................................... .... $50.00 (through sub. service).............................. ......................$ 2 5 . 0 0 PWA K a t e .................................................. remains at $10.00 Prisoner Kate ......................................... remains at $10.00

to get a year of RFI) at our current low er rates!

Unlike most magazines which make their profits through advertising, RFD, as a non-profit, limits advertisements to less than ten percent of the magazine, tries to keep the ads in the back, and has many "exchanges" with other publications, all of which limit our ad sales. In the months ahead, we will be looking into ways to increase our advertising revenue to keep up with continuing inflation. Do you have concerns about how or what we advertise? Write us. Your thoughts on all these Reluctant Financial Decisions are welcome. We have been kxiking into making the magazine more eco-friendly. Last issue the inside pages were recycled paper. Except for the covers and the center eight pages (where there is a photo spread), this issue is on recycled paper as well. Also, we are now printing the inside pages with soybased inks, which are much less toxic than petroleum based inks. Some ecological steps are still cost-prohibitive, such as 100% recycled paper, but we are working on increasing our use of recycled materials. Please send us any information you may have on affordable recycled paper sources, recycled boyfriends, other environmentally friendly suggestions, or other thoughts on the matter. We have had a deluge of material recently, of which we are very appreciative. As promised, a new spirituality column, edited by Val Cox, is in debut. We are featuring the photographs of Ben l ink, a Tennessee-based photographer, with his portraits from a recent faerie gathering. Delilah has w ritten an article on Politics and Spirituality to help generate ideas for the fall issue's theme. Politics. There is also an article in response to the safer sex articles of last issue, which is a call for dialogue: read it and write. And, the Faerie Archives by Goatboy has returned! Plus, there's fiction, articles on travel, and the regular stuff too. Please read the guideline changes in the Brothers Behind Bars (BBB)and Contact Letters sections. Essentially, because of space limitations. BBB will be limited to a hundred entries per issue and Contact letters that go over the 200 word limit will be sent back to be shortened. Summer is almost here folks, which means, of course, our Faerie Primitives issue is coming up. We have received many great graphics, and while we'd welcome more, we're particularly interested in fiction, non-fiction and poetry; you still have time to submit (see details on page 5, under This atul T hat). We will begin a new feature page. Culture Comer, next issue. This column will highlight news and reviews of all the arts, so if you have information, art events, reviews, etc. to contribute, send them to Culture Comer, d o RFD. Hope you enjoy this issue as much as you do the warming months ahead. Oh, and if you have any ladybug recipes, send them our way.

CONTENTS •

A R T IC L E S A M ) ESSAYS Thoughts on the The Resolution Call For Dialogue: Safe Sex kills Living on the Bods of the Mountain Mental Masturbation Between the Cracks

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B R O T H E R S BEHIND BARS

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C O M IX N orm Portland Bird

1 9 ,2 3 .3 4 .5 3 28

Norm Carl Vaughn Frick

9 63 65

c u l in a r y

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F A E R IE A R C H IV E S

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F IC T IO N The Cliff House Love is Not A Gadget The Black Man's Hand e n ti t le d Postcard From Dublin

20 21

Buddy Mas Peter Baker

CONTRIBUTORS

32 35 44 45 45

Kevin Thaddeus Paulson Robert Trent Bryan Burch George Cummings Paul Fleming

17 18

Dancing Mane Matthew Arnsberger

G A R D E N IN G The Wild Garden Seed Saving: Why?

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G A T H E R IN G S

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LETTERS

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LUNAR CA LEN DA R

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NEW S

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P H O T O G R A PH Y Distressed linages

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I’O ETRY

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Q U IL T IN G

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R E V IE W S Books Music

R E M E M B E R IN G

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S P IR IT U A L IT Y Spiritu al Matters Journeys of Spirit Jo urney Into Ourselves

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\ era

CONTACTS

Kitchen Queen Bakers Buns

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Deli luh Delilah. Nathan Cooper. Ja n n a th a n Falling Long Jomhi svomp ssomp Scott O 'llara

Faeries C o m m u n i t ie s Personal

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15 I6 27 43

24 6

37 4 5 ,7 3 1 4 ,5 4 ,5 5 23

Moon hawk R obin

Ben Fink Ja n Lynch

Steven L. Berg

56 59 60

47 48 49

Val M. Cox David Frechter M ountaine

51 52 53

David Fourer Pacifica Mala hki

TRA V EL Hitting the Road Magic Happens in Hinton, WY Working the National Parks

Alain Michel Alfred I). Duhamei Art Polansky A. Yera Ben Fink Bryan Burch Buddy Max Carl Vaughn Frick C a r lo f o to Dancing Mane David A. Bolduc David Frechter David Fourer Delilah Frank Burger Ganym ede Gary Plouff George Cum mings Glenn L. Stitzman Goat boy Ja n Lynch Ja n n a th a n Falling Long Jeffery Shanks Jeffery YYinchester Jeffrey Kolodey Jerry Harold llooten Jesse YV. Campbell John Morrison Jomhi YYomp YYomp Kevin Thaddeus Paulson Malahki Matthew Arnsberger Mish Moon hawk M o u n ta in e N athan Cooper Nora Morse Norm Pacifica Paul Fleming Peter Baker Phil YVoodward Robert Trent R obin Ron Abraytis Scott O 'llara Steven L. Berg Yal M. C ox W alton

14 55 53 15 37-42 44 20 2 8 -3 1 ,5 6 .5 7 l/F & B C 17 55 48 51 7 .1 5 .5 9 4 5 .6 2 55 44 45 56 62 46,73 16 54 10 54 1.34 F C , 4 , 5 4 .5 5 56 26 32 53 18 BC 24 49 15 57 1 9 .2 3 ,3 4 ,5 3 52 45 21 63 35 6 58 43 23 47 33

ill

Dear RFD. Congratulations on 20 years of publishing RFD. f have been an avid reader for the past 6+ years of your mens journal. I've not ever been disappointed with a single issue. You seem to improve with age. 1 wish there was a way to market the publication to a more viable market in our urban areas. Everytime I visit my local gay bookstoret People Like Us in Chicago), I find another new publication has hit the market and what was only a handful of publications available several years ago is now over 200 rags, mags, journals, pamphlets, books, etc.. Fortunately, your magazine has a prominent location along with HONCHO and FIRST HAND. I enjoy the many departments; Buddy’s Cooking, Poetry, Contact Letters, and Book Reviews to mention a few of my favorites. Ixxrking forward to more exciting issues from RFD! Sincerely, Earl friend

Dear RI D, I believe the readers of RI D would be interested in learning more about the property caretaking profession. The property caretaking profession can enable an employee to acquire land preservation skills, experience life in different geographic locales or cultures, and live a simpler lifestyle without incurring rent or mortgage obligations. I^andowners can utilize the serv ices of skilled caretakers to help maintain and preserve their land. I am enclosing a News Release [see this issue's This N That|, which gives information about the caretaking profession and how your readers can obtain our "Report on Caretaking'' free of charge. We have a lot of gay' subscribers and landowners. Thank you in advance for your consideration in helping the property caretaking field. Best regards, Gary C. Dunn

82 is

FA E R IE P R IM IT IV E S Mud

Tattoos Piercing People Body Painting Ritual Sex Magic Fire Dancing Physical Paganism Shamanic Aesthetics Astral Travel Blood Sweat and Cum Queer Mysticism Fag Spirituality The Animal within!

a f f Photos, Stories, Personal M ythology} f i g Drawings, Art work, Tales, Dream journals, Fantasies, A At your favorite gathering, on the J R streets, in the bedroom, with the | Tribe, by yourself!!!! ^ S r i ’lease send in any material now or write RFD/Primitives with ideas or for further info, Only through Body can you dance with{ w B t^ th e Gods — Jaincs Broughton

E v h/

IN SEARCH OF... Are you looking for someone or something you have lost contact with? Send us the info, in as few words as possible and we will print it in three consecutive issues. W illiam from C anada, with the sexy jean shorts. We met in NY in Central Park at the Stonewall March. Please w'rite or call Mike at the Austin Raedical Faeries. (E-81) Dan Shea, tall, long haired, poet/visionary. We intersected in Philly in 60's, caught Zen waves with Native American undertow. Contact Ed Kaplan at 609-429-1836. (E-83) V ioletta; If anyone has his current address, please contact JanNathan Long at SMS, 247 Sanctuary Lane, Liberty. 319 37095 or phone 615563-4397. (E-83)

Dear RFD, After reading a few RI D's friends have provided. I felt I had to write and let you know I personally feel you are doing’a wonderful job! I’m a lonely inmate who's gav and has watched gays & straights abuse the brothers & sisters out there continually and am very hurt by it. It affects us who don't play games or run those money scams and the innocent people who get played on and used by some unscrupulous person. They'll lie about their sentence, hit you up constantly for books of stamps, magazine subscriptions, money, etc.. I've seen this time and time again. It really screws up chances for us who are sincere about being gay, lonely, and in need of friends to keep some kind of tie to the outside world. When you write someone, please bear in mind at al] times, no matter howgood it sounds, it could be a con. There's nothing wrong with sending money or books of stamps, or magazine/book subscriptions, etc., to inmates. God knows on $18 a month "state pay", we could use it. Just be the one to offer to send it, or better yet, just go ahead and do it as a pleasant, surprise gift. The inmate should have enough feelings and respect not to go hitting you up for it. Let it be your initiative if you feel so inclined. If not, cool. A good relationship does not need material bindings. Let's all be honest and candid with one another, not phony or conniving. I'd love for people to write me, just to be a friend and communicate feelings and share thoughts. I'll send a photo with this ad and hope RFD prints it, as I only have a few. I’m 41 (Aries 4-6-53), 6'2", 2001b, Dk Brown hair and eyes, did the crime and am doing my time. I'm very lonely, won't play mind game or try cons. Someone please be my friend and write. I'll be here at least 5 yrs. Hopefully less thru sentence mod. or appeal. With Love, Larry "Digger" Cardwell W.V.C.I. #871179 P.O. BOX 111 1 Carlisle, IN 47838 Dear RFD, Many thanks for printing the announcement for our permaculture course in the last issue. A year ago, issue 76 (winter 93-94) contained a query to the readers about printing RFD on recycled paper. I haven’t read anything in RFD in the year that elapsed since then about that topic, and would like to know if RFD will be making the switch to recycled paper to be more kind to the planet. As I recall mentioning in my letter to you on this issue, paper with the highest amount of post consumer waste is the best because it would make recycling effective. There also are tree-free papers such as hemp and kenaf. I hope that the Spring '95 issue will let readers know what the situation is. Hopefully many readers have written being in favor of using recycled paper. What about using newsprint paper which already contains recycled paper fibers? Love and Blessing for the New Year. Guy Moussalli 1050 South Verdugo Tucson, AZ 85745 Editors note: Guy, thanks for helping us refocus on this issue.See this issue's Between The Lines for update.

DRUM BAGS - Made to order. If you’d like a bag made to carry' and protect your drum, just send me it’s size and 1 can mail it to you. The bags are made w ith a heavy fabric, lined with cotton, and have a foam pad to protect the drum top and carry straps. Send it’s dimentions to James, 247 Sanctuary lane, Liberty, TN 37095 and I’ll send you a price.

THIS N THflT (N thE Other

THflNG)

PROPERTY CARETAKING: ENVIRONMENTALLY RESPONSIBLE EMPLOYMENT Property caretaking has become an increasingly popular career for environ mentally conscious job-seekers. Thea Dunn, editor of The Caretaker Gazette, has been researching the field and recently wrote a special report about this emerging trend. She says, “Many people are discovering that caretaking can be an interesting and varied profession, offering unique rewards. Caretakers act as land stewards when their responsibilities include preservation and maintenance activities. Caretaking appeals to those who want to be connected with the earth but don’t own land. People desiring a lifestyle change, retirees seeking a second career, and downsized corporate employees searching for new job opportunities have discovered caretaking.” Dunn reports that caretaking is attractive to those who want a career that enables them to work outdoors and make a positive contribution to the environment. I^andowners, both large and small, are realizing that they can maintain their property and avoid selling out to developers through a shared arrangement with a caretaker. Locations and responsibilities are as varied as • the landowners and caretakers themselves. Caretakers may be single persons, couples, or families. Landowners are not always individuals: nature retreats, ecological preserves, camps, and state or national forests or parks also employ caretakers. Depending upon the position and it’s location, one could work in many areas such as grounds keeping, land stewardship, sustainable agriculture, farming, organic gardening, forestry, ranching, animal husbandry, and fisheries. A caretaker may live and work with the landowner on a day-to-day basis or live alone on the property of an absentee landowner. While many landowners seek experienced caretakers with specific skills, others are willing to take on and train people with general backgrounds. As with most other occupations, such traits as honesty, common sense, and flexibility are key prerequisites. With solid backgrounds in caretaking and excellent references, caretakers are in great demand by landowners and are able to find positions in the U.S. and abroad. How does one get started in caretaking? Where does a landowner go to find caretakers? For a free report that will answer these and others questions, send a self addressed, stamped, business-sized #10 envelope to The Caretaker Gazette, HC 76 Box 4022, Garden Valley. ID 83622-9729

SA C R E I) DJ SU B SC R IPTIO N S L R 5 IC E - For an annual fee of $50 you will receive 3-90 minute cassettes of Sacred DJ’s mix of Temple music which favors obscure beauty, cutting edge world music, worship songs from many cultures and suprising blends of pop. classical, and new age. You will receive a music newsletter 3 times a year with notes and reviews on new music, and sneak previews o f Sacred DJ’s work-in-progress. You will also have the opportunity to buy compilations previous available only to close friends, and book •Sacred DJ for special occasions. Send check and/or write for more info to Don Shewey 336 W. 71st St #1F, NYC, NY 10023

SANTA FE M ASSAGE Healing Hands for Heavenly Bodies. Massage therapy for gay men. Deep Tissue, Swedish. Tantnc, and Acupressure. 10 years experience. Near the Plaza in Santa Fe, NM. Visitors welcome. Call Joseph 505/982-6827

BODY JE W E L R Y LEATHER TIGER body jewelry available in.?/6/. Surgical Stainless Steel, Niobium, and 14KGold available. For a pricelist and listing send S.A.S.E., for a complete catalog send $2.00 to John Wall, 8787 Dry Creek Rd., Dowelltown, TN 37059 or call 615/597-5826

Are you a queer performer living In redneckville? Are you a painter in a small college town? Are you a lover of fine films and looking for a place to share your point of view? Then, think about contributing to the new column in RFD: U n it,T h C o r n e r This column will be devoted to reviews, announcements, interviews, and all sorts of fun and funky information for the RFD and fairy arts communities. The first installment will appear in the Summer‘95 issue. If you feel as though you might have something appropriate to share or place in the column, please forward it by May 15 to c/o ( lu ltlir e ooPnoP editors RFD P.O.Box 68 Liberty,Tn. 37095 Until then, stay creative and please stay queer!

News item: Gingrich says men in trenches during wartime roll around as happy as little piggies.

Old

News by

I want to use the occasion of one o f Newt Gingrich's recent rem arks to turn you on to one of my favorite poets. It's funny how an illness can suggest its own antidote; in this case a voluble, alm ost stream -o f-co n scio u sn ess p erso n ality bringing to mind som ething far more sobering and q uiet, som ething d espairingly b eau tifu l. A ludicrous statem ent that unw ittingly points to its counterpoint. W hile the madman is foam ing at the political pulpit the gentle poet com es and taps you softly on the shoulder. Maybe I'm not one to be talking about war, since I have never been in one. But I will not speak blithly o f it, as Mr. G ingrich has recently done. Mr. G ingrich is likely unaware of his silliness, never having been in a war him self, and will probably go on about it again if not corrected. My own father was an infantry soldier in the Korean War and therefore knows a lot about such things. He apparently found it so terrible that he has more or less refused to talk about his experiences, alw ays very quickly changing the subject when my brother or I asked him questions. The few b rief phrases he has uttered and the accom panying facial expressions indicate som ething far short o f happy tim es at the Front. Mr. Gingrich has other ideas about warfare. Explaining to a classroom in January about the unsuitability of Women for direct com bat, he announced that men, on the other hand, roll around as happy as little piggies when you put them down in a trench at the front. His com m ent seems to contradict anything I’ve ever read or heard about trench w arfare, and brought im m ediately to mind the poetry o f W ilfred Owen. W ilfred Owen was a young man from England who died in battle near the very end o f the first World War. Let's consider the News this time as a review of his poetry so that 1 may quote from it here for you, and hope that you will wish to find a copy for your own in a bookstore. His poems about war speak for them selves. From the poem "Exposure," in which a bleak evocation is made o f a night spent waiting in a trench for the next terrible battle, is this stanza: T o-night, His frost will fasten on this mud and us, S hrivelling many hands, puckering foreheads crisp. The burying— party, picks and shovels in their shaking Pause over half-know n faces. All their eyes are ice, But nothing happens.

Robin

grasp.

In the poem "Dulce Et Decorum Est," Owen starkly juxtaposes the reality o f war against the old saying from the Latin that it is both sweet and honorable to die for one’s country. He finishes the poem with these lines:

If you could hear, at every jo lt, the blood Come gargling from the fro th -co rru p ted lungs, Obscene as cancer, bitter as the cud O f vile, incurable sores on innocent tongues,— My friend, you would not tell with such high zest To children ardent for some desperate glory, The old Lie: Dulce et decorum est Pro patria mori.

which

Phis one last set of lines, from "Mental Cases," is a telling of the madness with the sensitive are left after w arfare: W ading sloughs o f flesh these helpless w ander. T reading blood from lungs that had loved laughter. Always they must see these things and hear them. Batter of guns and shatter of Hying muscles, C arnage incom parab le, and hum an squandor Rucked too thick for these men's extrication.

Owen makes no mention o f the squiggly, piggy joys of rolling in muddy trenches which exist in the abstract fantasies o f Mr. G ingrich's mind. It is perhaps best to trust those with first-hand experience to paint the clearer picture. Let poetry and silence be our tonic against the political illness o f rhetoric and noise.

This article is about the Revolution Perhaps you wonder why the Revolution hasn't happened yet Perhaps you believe that things have to get worse before they get better Perhaps you think that we needed something as horrendous as the election results to wake us up and get the Revolution started One way or another, 1 believe that the Revolution is already here, only it is different than what we expect revolutions to be

D e l i l a h ' S ThOUGHTS I look around and see pain, and the despair that I feel mirrors the suffering of the molested child, the tortured activist, the homeless refugee and the murdered soldier, the poisoned water and the raped Earth Newt Gingrich is nothing new. The harm that he might do, the damage he might inflict, has already been done. This world is fueled by so much greed and hate, 1 sometimes think that a little more just won’t make a difference. But under the jadedness and numbness, I still feel overwhelming pain. This pain reflects not only our own wounds, but wounds all around us And feeling pain means taking the responsibility to heal it. The night is long. The sun has been gone for so long that I do not know if I remember the light of day. So I start imagining it, what it used to be, what it might have been, what it might become again Amidst the despair I must discover hope - there is no choice even if it’s just a glimpse, a tiny spark that more reminds me of my fear of darkness than actually resembles the sun. 1 imagine the alternative to fear and greed and hate and exploitation. I continue to envision the revolution An ancient image comes to my mind - a world in which everything is interconnected In this image we are each responsible for our actions not because we fear punishment, punishment does not exist in a world based on equality Rather, we take responsibility because we love the Earth and all that walks her paths Their happiness is mirrored in our hearts, and our joy is reflected in their eyes. We are all one, like many cells in one living

THe T E V O L uTION

organism We know that we cannot hurt a thing, for it is only us we’d harm Every time we allow ourselves to feel the pain o f another, we make this image more present in our lives. When we offer Healing, when we work for change, we become the midwives of hope and love As we allow the reality o f love to prevail in our lives, we stop existing in isolation and start creating’ something radically different than what we’ve learned about this world so far. Can we also love the people we call our enemies? Can we forgive them? Can we feel their pain? Some people in this world see others as evil and as monsters. Their reality is that of fear and hate of all that is different from them If we are to offer an alternative to that, it has to be based on love and forgiveness It means that deep down at the core we see everyone as a human being. It means that every person contains the spark of creation, the Life Force. It means that we are all wounded and that our pain is no more righteous that the pain o f those we formerly named our enemies After all, in this inter-connected world we each have memories o f hate as well as o f suffering Some of our ancestors were abusers as much as some were victims In us lives not only a third world country, but also a multinational corporation, not only an abused child, but also a rapist and a molester, not only burning witches and faggots, but also the Church and the inquisition; there is even room for members of the Republican party Forgiving them means forgiving ourselves and healing the split in this world 7

Only this way can love replace fear and hate Only this way can we all be equal, can we all be one This is what exists at the root of valuing diversity. Throughout the darkest and longest night we know that the sun will rise again, that light will be born In the midst of despair sleeps the spark o f hope. It has to! It is nurtured by memories o f courage, past and future, by stories o f resistance and rebellion, of love in the face of fear In us lives every person that ever said “no” to oppression In us lives every person that ever offered their lives in the service of Healing Each action we take creates waves With every person we love, we birth more beauty into the world We are the conduits of the Life Force that runs through all creation, a force that will be forever stronger than the powers of destruction We are all that ever was and all that ever will be. The wind is our breath; the rain is our tears; the trees reflect our perseverance and holding-together The moon, the sun, the stars are witnesses to the great unfolding story we are writing with our dreams, and long after we are gone, they will tell that by simply being who we truly deeply are, we were the Revolution {Winter '94- ‘95)

See our announcem ent on pane 9 about the upcom ing K l l ) issue ttHJ fe a tu rin g : P O LITIC S.

0 Q GCm O CX39 CREATE YOLK OWN WEEKEND Midwest Men’s Center of Chicago will host it’s 9th Annual Spring Gathering May 26 - 29, 1995 at Camp Ronora, located in Watervliet, Michigan. The camp is 100 miles from Chicago and 3 hours from Detroit. Situated on 3(X) acres with gently rolling hills, meadows, woods, a lake for canoeing, fishing and swimming. Camp Ronora sleeps 120 comfortably in heated cabins. Meals are served community style and offer vegetarian or meat options. liach man will have an opportunity to “create their own weekend" as they interact with one another through male bonding. MMC/C offers an opportunity for meeting and making new friends and camaraderie in a chemical freetno drugs/alcohol) experience. There will be time for workshops, playshops, and crafts, or simply lay back and enjoy being yourself. Craftsmen are invited to bring crafts for display/sale. For more information contact MMC/C POB 2547 Chicago, IF 60690-2547

W A SH IN G T O N W ICCA NS The Church of Wicca, The Order of the (iolden Fairys - Sons and Daughters of the New Moon. Call 206/627-5417 for information. Meetings are the second and fourth Fridays of the month at the Magical Garden 2407 6th Ave, Tacoma Washington 8:(X) PM. The second Friday of the month meeting is a teaching meeting. The fourth Friday meeting is for ritual. This is a meeting for Pagans, your sexual orientation is not an issue. You are free to be who you are. Awaken the spirit of ritual, unleash your true pagan spirituality. Join us fora spiritually uplifting evening of fellowship, guided meditations, and psychic healing. A potluck will follow all meetings. Bring a dish to share. Please bring your own eating utensils(plate, cup, silverware). T his years B eltane May Day celebration will be at Point D efiance P ark in Tacom a, Sunday A pril 30th

1995 M ID W EST GAY M EN 'S N A I l BIST G A TH E R IN G will take place June 15 -18, 1995 at Camp Gaea, located approximately 45 minutes NW of downtown Kansas City. For more information please write to: MMNG 5704 Charlotte, Kansas City, MO 64110

IM AGINE VEOIIA Join tis April 21 30 at IMAGINE on the big island of Hawaii as we join to dance and play, sing and swim, laugh and love. The Church of St, Allofus invites all faeries, elves, sprites, and their ilk to join in Pele's backyard to create a community. For more info call or write: IMAGINE P.O. Box 1463 Pahoa, HI 96778. Voicemail - 808/334-3359

IDA, A Q U EER A R TIS! CO M M UNITY is having an OPEN HOUSE May 26 -29. All monies will go toward the purchase of our land. Celebrate the ecstasy of being yourselves among others. Meet other artists, eat vegetarian meals, camp, etc.. Join us for some down-home zaniness! For more info call or write: IDA, P.O. Box 874 Smithville, TN 37166-0874 Tel 615/597-4409

SH O R T M OUNTAIN BELTANE B A SH The Short Mountain Community Will be hosting their annual Spring Gathering from April 28 to May 7. We will celebrate by weaving a maypole, doing rituals, workshops, play, flawless drag, and whatever you bring. The gatherings are what you make them. Vegetarian meals will be served. Wimmin and children are welcome. Cum early for the pre-gathering work week and see what our life is realty like. The dates for that are April 21-27. Contact SMS for details.

FLESH & S PIR IT : Sacred Play is a retreat designed to provide a unique opportunity for gay and bisexual men to explore aspects of themselves in a safe and affirming environment and to build community among loving men. It will be held April 28 - 30, 1995. The Three Themes of Sacred Play are: Peaceful Warriors, Sexual Healers, and All Our Relations. The Work of Sacred Play is highly experimental. Wre will incorporate loving ideas, practices and rituals from Tantric, Toaoist, African, Native American. Feminine, Jewish. Christian and Pagan traditions. The retreat will be held at The M ountain, located in Highlands. N.C. For more info, call or write Clifton Counseling Center. 411 Oak St. #207. Cincinnati. OH 45219, 513/221-2299

1995 MIDWEST MENS FESTIVAL will be July 18-29. A summer gathering in an all male community. Although this festival is attended primarily by gay men, all men are encouraged to attend. The event contains workshops, no-talent shows, enjoyment of the campground with a big lake for swimming, and a loving safe environment to explore the male spirit. Contact: David or Jay 913/268-4661 or write Midwest Mens Festival P.O.Box 32663, Kansas City, MO 6417

A USTIN FA E R IE S Regular circles meet the 3rd Tuesday of the month 7:00 PM, 227 Congress Ave. at the Grassroots Peace Building at the southeast comer of 3rd and Congress Ave.

EU RO PEA N FAERY G A TH ER IN G The first European Faery gathering will be held an the beautiful island of Terschellingoff the coast of Northern Holland. The EuroFaeries are preparing a week-long SUMMER SOLSTICE GATHERING from June 23-30, 1995. All faeries are invited to come spread the word of faerydom in the old world and commune with our European brothers under the (almost) midnight sun of Northern Holland at Summer Solstice. This beautiful island offers vast nudist beaches, dunes, and nature preserves. The gathering site is called ”De Wierschuur" and is the last and most isolated house on the eastern side of the island - surrounded by marsh and dunes. The gathering site is an old bam converted into dormitory accommodations with open fireplace, kitchen and large common room with theatrical possibilities. Camping is also possible. The site can accommodate up to 70. Some of our ideas for the gathering include beach circles, night procession and bon-fire ritual along the ocean on St. John's Night (24th) to reclaim the faery presence in Europe, mud rituals in the marshes, dressed-up bike trips to town, nude hike thru the dunes, disconight in the barn ...etc. The island is easily reached by train/bus and then ferry from the Amsterdam airport. The Euro-faeries will reserve a bicycle for island transport for you when you register. The gathering site can also be reached by bus. ** Good airfares to Amsterdam can be found with Icelandic. Royal Jordan, and Biman Bangladeshi Airlines. Estimated costs for the gathering Registration $100 for one week and $15 per day for food. For more info contact: John Ferguson Nieuwe Molstraat 2A 2512 BK The Hague, Netherlands 011-31-70-310-6554 E-Mail JAF3@AM VOICE.XS4ALL.NL.... OR Edward Van Koolwijk. Zeist, The Netherlands T el-011-31-3404-20576

Atlanta Faerie Circle 404/622-4112

Austin Area Faeries Casa de Los Marposas 12514-b Esplanade Si Austin. TX 78727-4409 512/837-1596 Faerie Foneline 512/370-4708 Fax 512/836-9715 Email lazarus@bga com

GAYA-Gay Consciousness and Spirituality Heidelberg Faerie Crete Blucherstrasse 1 W-6900 Heidelberg Germany 49/6221-860535

Blue Heron Farm

Holy Faery Database (networking tool for faeries) c/o Harry Ugol/ Michael Dreyer 1434 Alemany Blvd S F . C A 94112 415/469-0625

House of the Dawn 112 W Way POB 637 Yarnell, AZ 85362 602/427-3112

Rt 1 Box 1244 Dekafo. NY 13630

IDA British Columbia Radical Faeries 1475 Santa Rosa Rd. Christian Lake, BC V0H1E0 604/447-9414 - Michael or Lar

Central New York Radical Faeries P.O. Box 3982 Ithica, NY 14850

P.O Box 874 Smithville, TN 37166-0874 615/597-4409

Kawashaway Sanctuary 3612 Chicago Ave So Minneapolis ,MN 55407 612/823-6996 E-mail address molde008@gold.tc.umn edu

Chicago Faerie Circle 812 N. Noble-Coach House Chicago, IL 60622 312/235-8315

The Beau Monde POB 3036 Pineville, LA 71361

D.C. Faeries Men Nurturing Men

Euro-Faeries

c/o Midwest Men's Center POB 2547 Chicago, IL 60690 312/348-3254

A Permaculture collective in paradise P.O. Box 1463 Pahoa, HI 96778 808/334-3359 - Voicemail

POB 1251 Canal St Sta N.Y., NY 10013 Gay Switchboard 212/777-1800

Feydish Computer Bulletin Board 415/861-4221

Frontiers Socials, discussions and outdoor events f a Gay and Bi men 14 W. Mifflin St Suite 103 Madison , Wl 53703 608/251-7424

Ganowungo Sanctuary, W. N.Y. Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield, NY 14787

Gay Organic Gardeners John Starnes 1684 Willow St Denver, CO 80220

206/783-2011 event tape fa Seattle area

See Fey Dirt

Rural Gay Men’s Group support network f a Canadian countrymen PO Box 1404. Port Hardy B C CANADA VON 2P0

Short Mountain Sanctuary Route 1 Box 84-A Liberty, TN 37095 615/563-4397 (messages)

Rose of Sharon

Southern California

c/o Oglesby/Thornton Rt 2 Box130A2 Elkins. AR 72727 501/643-3855

Star Circle- Faaie Dish Rag POB 26807 Los Angeles. CA 90026

Sacred Faeries

Vermont- Destiny Lodge

165 Regent St Salt Lake City, UT 84111 801/531-6846

PO Box 88 Northfield.VT 05663 802/485-6668

Windy City Gay Naturists San Oiego Stonewater Spirit Circle c/o Larry Hull P.O. Box 4121 San Diego, CA 92164

San Francisco Tel-a-Fairy 415/626-3369 Events and message tape for the Bay Area faeries

Ron 603/478-5437

NYC Faerie Circle

News & info line in area Portland, Oregon 503/235-0826

Seattle Fairy Phone

P O Box 2547 Chicago, IL 60690-2547 708/451-1138 - Mark

Whole Earth Community A Neo Pagan Radical Faerie Collective 142 Washington Street Binghamton, NY 13901 607/723-9867 - Nick

New Hampshire/Vermont • (southern)

IMAGINE? XXOO,

Fey Dirt

408/335-5861 Events and message tape fa tbe Santa Cruz area

L'A ffa ire

c/o Happy doodle 301/946-0517 c/o John Ferguson Nieuwe Molstrat 2A 2512 BK The Hague Netherlands 011-31-70-310-6554 E-mail jaf3@amvoice.xs4all.nl

Santa Cruz Fairy Line

Portland OR

Black Leather Wings PO Box 210556 San Francisco CA 94121

Philadelphia Faeries c/o Earth 2221 Spring Garden St *3R Philadelphia PA 19130 215/8649922

The theme for RFD’s fall issue #83 will be XL

Nomenus POB 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 503/866-2678 415/626-3369 (San Francisco) same as Tel-a-Fairy number

Northeastern

Revolutionary ideas Class, race, gender Politics of love Empowering experiences Mobilization Turning despair into action Subverting Power In/visibility Anarchy Communitarianism Egalitarianism Bad attitude Actions Whatever politics means to you

Faeries

(including Blue Heron Farm) POB 1251 Canal St Sta N Y., NY 10013

Northwestern

Faeries

1510 19th Ave Seattle, WA 98122

Circle of QueerPagans/ Oklahoma Radical Faeries P.O. Box 32321 OKC, OK 73123 405/722-8985

Ontario Faeries/ Fees du Q uebec Amber Fox Sanctuary Box 65, McDonald's Corners Ontario CANADA K0G 1M0 613/278-2744

SUBWIT!

P antheos

Send RFD your words and images by early July Help make this reader-written journal exciting and relevant

PO Box 9543 Santa Fe, NM 87504 505/982-6827

BSP 4293 RTE LEESBURG NJ

47 BOX F-1 08327

WILLIAM KOLLMAR 250838 W 28 5’8 160 seeking pen pals race and sexual orientation unimportant, honesty a must, please no mind games, freed in 98, l am lonely, I love to write, swim jog, will answer all BOX 51

COMSTOCK

12821

ANDREW BATES 81A2309 B 40’s 5’10 170 masculine, unshockable, well mannered, honest, sincere, sensitive, intelligent, understanding, seeking humor, caring, sincere friendship with professional couples/indtviduals, who are discrete, playful, and clean, will ans all POB 99901 0901

PITTSBURGH

PA 15233-

PURCEN BRONSON AF8163 B 57 150 handsome, masculine, drug and disease free, seeks dependable bi or gay male for pen pal. 1600 WALTERS PA 15510

MILL RD

SOMERSET

DONALD K LOVE AK8459 W young br bu seeking pen pals under 25, out soon, interested in early childhood sexual experiences, I am kind, caring and fun-loving, not looking for money, will ans. all. POB SUG G ESTIO NS AND G UIDELINES TO RESPONDING TO PEN PAL ADDS. The purpose of the pen pal listing is to offer the com m unity at-large the op po rtu nity to relieve the pain and loneliness that most inmates endure. RFD assumes no responsibility for claim s made in these Brothers Behind Bars listin g s, and we urge all respondents to exercise caution, especially with any fin a n cia l dealings. Inmates can subm it their ads' as short as possible, (30 words or less to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. The coordinator reserves the right to edit ads according to his judgm ent. For the sake of saving printed space, inm ates’ addresses are given once per fa cility. To have been able to fit in the number of ads, we regret we were unable to make space for photos that were submitted. Notes: Inmates are listed in Zip Code order w ithin the same Zip Code. All inm ates are supposed to be gay unless specified otherwise. B i=bisexual, W=white, B black. NA native American, A Asian, H=hispanic, PR=Puerto Rican / age in years/ height/ weight in pounds/ color of hair/ color of eyes: ab=auburn, bd=blond, bk black, br brown. bu=blue, gn=green, hz=hazel, rd=red, g y-g ra y, drbr=dark BrothersBehindBarsBullitenBoard. C H A N G E S

Over the last several issues the number of pen pal adds has increased dramatically. In order to maintain the same space the RFD collective agreed on several ideas. Firstly, to limit the number of adds to around one hundred, and try to include photos. Secondly, not to repeat adds. Thirdly, the communication sent to us would indicate that the prisoner was gay or bi, and genuine in seeking correspondence as a pen pal. Lastly, unpublished adds won't be returned We welcome responses on these policy changes from all readers, both prisoners and non prisoners.

LLGP The League lor Lesbian & Gay Prisoners has recently formed in Cleveland and will cover Ohio. The organization originating in Seattle WA. is a network of people both in and out of prison who are concerned about the special problems of incarcerated lesbians and gays. Their goal is to bridge some of the alienation which prisons create in our community. Our long range goals include correspondence circles, a newsletter to facilitate communication between prisoners and non prisoners, reentry programs etc.. For more information wrrte-LLGP POB 620045 CLEVELAND QH 44102-9045 NAMBLA North American Man/Boy Love Association Bulletins are available free to persons imprisoned for sex with minors. Contact Rock Thacher. Suite 120 Box 263.4730 E Indian School Rd .Phoemx AZ 85018. "Helping you to understand and cope with your sexuality. 100% RIP OFF The following is a excerpt from a prisoner in Railford Fl. ’ .I sent a check to a gay pen pal service in Memphis. The check was sent tor MAGAZINES AND PEN PAL LISTING. It was a 100% rip off add. Please stop this from happening to any other lonely gays that think they will receive a listing or magazine. This is the address- REV. JOHN PROWETT 1517CUORTST, SUITE H 4 MEMPHIS TN 38104-

710

KEEN MT

24624

SHAWN NOVAH 196541 C-138 W 19 (1-20-75) 5’9 160 bd bu I seek only friendly corres. but I am open to the possibility of something more, drop me a line and help the time pass faster GSP

HC01

REIDSVILLE

GA 30453

JEFFREY D ALLEN EF-198356 E-1//47 A unit B 6’1 225 Sincere southern gentleman, interests are reading, weight lifting, meeting people, travel, dance, hot massage, and conversation. Free in 24 months and would like to corr. with serious minded and intelligent man with a good work ethic. Race no barrier. ARTHUR GOULD E-1EF-114438 32 B 5‘11 178 Looking for a straight forward male of any race that’s serious minded. No head games. I’m in prison for bank robbery. I’m in college here. I love horses jogging, and basket ball. I’m seeking someone to build an everlasting monogamous relationship. Serious responses only. GARY JENNINGS EF303387 24 5’10 175 bd bu lonely, young man. I Need a home. I have been eligible for parole since Aug. ’94 with no where to go and I have no family. I’m fun responsible, energetic, and love man to man sex. I’m into cuddling man sex. I’m fun responsive and a sensuous kisser, please write. DWAYNE L JESSUP EF 279685-E-1#11 W 35 5’8 170 hz I’m a hot virgin Virgo with a dark complexion. I’m a beach freak, very hairy, well endowed, very honest, caring, loving, and playful, DONNALD MANNING E7-137603 B 31 5’10 204 handsome stud, with a good heart, brain, body, and huge tool, seeking to form a serious relationship, age/race unimportant, ans. all. TERRY WATERS EF255584 W 28 165 5‘8 br hz I’m nicely shaped, love correspondence and making new friends I’m lonely and looking for a friend and possibly more. I’m seeking someone open-minded, faithful, honest, patient, educated, single and serious.

JAMES WILSON EF-227060 E-1-A un 27 5'1 133 br gr Aries . hobbres inc cooking, gardening fishing camping, sports on TV I love animate all muse I'm seeking pen pals for friendship possible relationship/ soul mate Will ans aH NFSH HW 121S RT 1 BOX 519 MACCLENNY FL 32063-9777 C N STUART JR 40 5“11 5 br 350 interests martial arts. muse, and working out. seeking gay friends that will last a life time. I’ve been locked up in a state mental hospital and prison for about I2yrs. I've no one to write except my mother, sister, and the TV preachers. I feel very alone, please write, please send stamps MCI

POB

448

MAYO

32066

JOHN W ROBERSON 121452 BOX 394 26 6*1 215 bd bu masculine, lonely, love sports and outdoors, out in ‘95. will relocate for the right person, seeking feminine person 21-35 for relationship or just correspondence. UCI

POB

221

RAILFORD

32083

JAFFA E BELL 81559 28 5’6 138 dk br clean and in great shape, athletic build, seeking professional man for friendship and possibly much more in the future, please sincere and serious only, age/race unimportant. CHRISTIAN JOHNSON 095020 MM-48 W 25 5'5 135 bd bu nonsmoker/drugs, clean cut, good build, seeking compatible, affectionate, loving, and caring male to correspond with and develop a friendship/relationship, will ans. all. THIAMOND D KING 342775 S/25 5’11 bronze complexion, well hung, seeks secure gay/TV/TS/she-males/he-shes-all forms of the gay lifestyle for correspondence. I'm gay and very much proud of it. I'm HIV-, very clean, and drug free. Please write to trade photos and/or fantasies. RICHARD F MCINTYRE 89663 W 39 5'10 175 br br kind caring, sincere, and very loving, seeking same in a lasting friendship, please write. AGUSTIN PEREZ 263632 A-1/41-2062 28 5’9 155 br bk I'm sincere, honest, very discrete, quiet, physically fit, and I enjoy reading, writing, and art. I'm seeking open-minded and sincere friendships ARMSTRONG TREVELL 344159 K-63 5'6 Nubian. Seeking secure gay/TV/TS/shemales/he-shes-all forms of the gay lifestyle for correspondence. I'm a sensitive and young gay individual who's HIV- and drug free. Please write to trade photos and/or fantasies. FRANK WALLS 112850 41-1113-A-1 W 27 6'197 br hz Romantic, athletic, attractive, and lonely on death row seeking anyone interested in true friendship to correspond with. You sincere, I'm seeking long term friendships and correspondence, maybe more. Please write FSP

POB

747

STARKE

32091

DANIEL P BOWEN 330705 T-3-N-4 29 6' 195 bk bu/gy Seeking corres./relationship with open-minded, caring, honest, secure, supportive, uninhibited males who love to suck and fuck. I'm honest, attractive and hot. I will ans. all serious letters. Please write to help me break down this barrier of loneliness. JOHN FERRELL 066845 W 34 6’3 175 bd br been inside for 17yrs, quite lonely, looking for a friend, someone who is sincere, patient and understanding.

PAUL FOX 097277 W 6'4 188 bd tx young, sexy, well hung, circumcised 50/50 aggressive/passive. T/B. released soon Seeking someone caring, loving and serious Age, race and looks unimportant Ans all SAMUEL GETER B-351440-T-1-S-8 B Seeking friendship and possible future with you, monogamous, tun-loving, varied interests. HIVneg, very lonely and seeking someone very special, are you ready for the real thing ?. if so please write GUADALUPE GOMEZ 187056 I'm a young male in prison who would like to share/exchange sexual experiences No shame here, what about you? JOSEPH JANNICELLI 920495 T-3N12 W 30 5'10 175 br br handsome Italian, made a business mistake, out '95, passionate and devoted, wishing correspondence with same, very lonely, write soon

FREDDIE THOMAS 766368 R-1-S-6 B 5‘8 185 In search of a very effeminate gay male who's seriously minded about establishing an eternal relationship I've a stocky muscular buikl with crayola brown skm Please write for an everlasting chance at romance with a real man ADRIAN K WILLIAMS 077750 R-3-5-16 W 27 5’11 180 bk br I'm looking for a long lasting relationship, so if your looking for a friend or lover here goes, I'm waiting for you Any races STANLEY WROBLESKI 115367 W 27 6' 170 br bu Would like to hear from you for friendship and possible relationship Been down for 6yrs, out in 2yrs It's lonely in here . please write TCI

3950

TIGER BEACH

32124

JOHN HUNTSINGER 065102 E-B-102 24 bd bu very little body har I'm alone and would like to find a friend, will relocate

KENNETH E LEE A-337445 N-3-N-6 B 28 Seeking corr from lonely people like myself, feel free to express your thoughts freely, for my time is always available and my heart and mailbox is open, hobbies- dancing, romancing, drawing, singing and writing Please write soon

FRANCIS SMITH 085201 EB-114 W 22 6‘1 210 bd bu seeking friendship/someone to share Likes-campmg, cooking, bowling, water sports, crosswords, and jeopardy Will be released in Aug '95 I'm sincere, caring, and very lonely

ROY MASON 186808 N-2-S-7 23 145 5'7 I'm very mature and looking for someone to share some happy times with, I’ll ans. all letters.

DCI POB 1072 33821

SALVATORE MARCELLINO 113306 26 6' 185 br gn Italian stallion, muscular build. Approx. 3 yrs left. I'm looking for someone who might be interested in building a relationship that would last forever. Respond to all. Photo appreciated. JULIO MARTINEZ 053602 S-2-N-2 H 27 5'10 170 br br inside until '95, very romantic and affectionate, looking for love, seeks sincere, serious partner for long term relationship. Willing to relocate with permanent soul mate. Age/looks unimportant, what's inside the heart does count. RICHARD NUSSO 043442 N-wing W 19 bd bu 5'9 140 intelligent, sincere and understanding toward others feelings, seeking steady relationship with secure and mature man, send stamp for immediate response, will ans. all. TERRY RHODABACK 099779 R-1-S-11 W 26 5’11 161 br br Good health, humor, looks, and positive attitude. Looking for an honest relationship. Please write. ANTHONY RICHARDSON 635331 I’m 38 but look 28. I’m looking for a friend. I don't drink, smoke, a eat meat. I don't have any kids but love them. Please write soon. THOMAS SLEVIN DC-061179 W 26 6‘1 bd gn seeks friendship and correspondence, especially in New England area soon to be release '97, relocatable upon release, will ans all TODD SMITH 094193 R-3-S-4 W 24 150 br br very feminine, been told I'm very good looking, seeking sincere and honest male for correspondence and possible more, no age requirement, just sincerity JEFFREY STANLEY 072553 W 33 150 bk hz Indian I'm loving, caring, in good shape, likes inc sports, biking, reading and the outdoors. Looking for the same DONNALD THOMAS 096321 V-1-N-12 W 23 57 160 br hz HIV-, honest, sincere, intelligent, sense of humor, easy going, fun loving, seeking someone similar, age unimportant, honesty and sincerity are, photo and response to all

MV 224 ARCADIA FL

RICHARD HOWARD 219807 224 W 28 5'10 5 rd bu Release in two years. Looking for a pen pal MCI 1150 SW ALLAPATTAH INDIANTOWN FL 34956

JESSE ADAMS 086884-401 Bi 28 6'0 207 bdbr bu Seeking pen pals, interests- working out, body building, fishing, boating, sports, also I like to read, write, and draw, inside since Sep '92, 3yrs to go TOTIS EDISON 056434 B She-he with warm caring heart & soul, would enjoy hearing from Mr. Right. Honey I'm only human-can't wait to be out-Nov 18'95-no chain time. Could make work release soon with Mr. Right's help I’m HIV-. My friends call me Ms. Toby. Please write. JACKIE R JONES 202060-534 B 35 5'10.5 175 bk br AKA-Rabbit, been inside for 15yrs, released in l8months, I'm very lonely and searching for someone special to stand by my side. I believe in honor, respect, honesty, and understanding. KEVIN GEARHART DC120090 MN188 Young kid with golden tan seeks dominant male love. Aggressive and whip chains, leather is pleasure. I‘m lonely and need help so bad Hobbies theater, art, woodwork, quitar, and computers. Out in 17 months Will ans. all. Please send photo CLARENCE HAMILTON 372113 MB172 In search of honesty, compassion, sincerity, sharing, and loyalness Lets exchange thoughts on an intellectual level Please send photo SANTIAGO RUIZ DC415409 Latin/lrish 25 155 I’m just out of the closet, good looking with a gymnasts txxly, well built waist down, out soon, and seeking that special someone to teach me new feelings. I'm very interested m learning JAMES THOMAS 181372-555 Young over hung ebony stud, seoks financially secure gays, she-males, TV. TS. all walks of the gay life style for friendship and passive role. I seek lust, passion and happiness by pen

SHELDON THOMPSON 116445 Is there anyone out there that doesn't stereo-type those inside’ intellect, humor honesty, love sharing, and mutual feelings are just a few things ttns ?5yo would lie to reciprocate with one whose sincere. If this is something most needed to you EKCC BOX 4 14 72

636

WEST

LIBERTY

DAVID L BROWN 107481 Dorm 1 BI15 B 36 looking for companionshtp/relationship with someone honest, trustworthy, and sincere I love to stay in shape and play board games especially scrabble TONY HOBSON 110954 W 23 In for 3yrs and seeking mature minded person for correspondence, friendship and a meaningful relationship Please write LARRY LUCAS 88466 B 30 kind heart, handsome and nicely built, educated, relocatable when released, open mind, positive attitude, new to gay lifestyle, looking for older mature male to share my cares and worries with FRED PENDLETON 91648 4-AL-8 W 25 6'2 280 br gn Very lonely biker prisoner I’m interested in hearing from anyone who cares to write I’m up for parole m'95. If you give me a chance you'll not be disappointed Please write soon SCOTT PAUL SANDERSON 98266 4-DU-8 29 Top looking for some bottom Must be 2235, HIV neg. and open minded No head games need respond-life is to short KSP

POB

128

EDDYVILLE

42038

TERRY BATEY 92569 W 29 6'2 187 bd hz clean and great health, lonely and sincere, seeking others for friendship arxl possibly more Will ans all JAMES ELLIOTT 115085-5-4A-10 W 20 173 6‘3 Ibr hz Gemini, slender build, masculine, mustache and goatee. I'm warm hearted, sensitive and yet aggressive, interests inc music, weight lifting, correspondence. I feel very intimidated by my macho surroundings that I haven't been able to express my feeling, so I'm seeking someone to confide my thoughts in. TRACEY ESTEPPE 115905 12-L-14 W 22 5'9 160 br br A young Sylvester Stallone look alike who is very lonely Enjoys just about everything except being lonely. Hunting for a friend possibly more Will ans. all, please write

RICHARD F MclNTYRE 89663 3-14R-5 W 39 5'10 175 br br kind, caring, sincere and very loving, seeking same m a lasting friendship, please write R USSELL MOSSE R 98543 3-12L-12 W 61 175 bk hz very clean, great shape and health, lonely and sincere, seeking others fcx correspondence, friendship and possibly more, please write, will ans all ROY STEWA RD 84289 3-11 -L18 B 67 250 very handsome, understanding, honest, and respectful top man, seeks an intelligent, romantic, open minded mate for lasting friendship/relationship, not into games, serious replies only, age/race unimportant. DAVE YUNGERMAN 1-14108 W 24 6'11 br br I'm very clean and in great shape and health I'm seeking sincere others for correspondence, friendship and possibly more Ans all CRS

POB

300 ORIENT

43146

JOHN MULHOLLAND 295 968 W 38 Seeking pen pals, please write. POB 56

LEBANON

45036

TIM HAMMITT A-205-586 29 57 170 bd bu beard, athletic, sports, weight lifter, seeing emotionally mature lifetime companion, I'm honest, sincere, attractive, and affectionate, monogamous, ready for a new life. POB 5500 0990

CHILLICOTHE

45601-

DARREN DALE 279539 Bi 20 6'2 145 bd bu Fun loving and interested in anything I’m looking for same to correspond and share my wild fantasies with. Interested in cross dressers. If your that person then please drop me a line. Will ans. all. 39 6'1 225 I have a very caring soul, but at present I'm very very lonely and in hopeful desire of an unstressfull communication. I long for the companionship of other “loneliness". POB

45699

LUCASVILLE

45699

JAMES PAXSON R128417 W 20's 6' 175 br gn Loneliness is a disease that purges like the plague, destroying everything and leaving the heart, but an empty shell craving true love. Released in June '95. Seeking love and support pending release. Parents have passed and l am oh so lonely.

RONNIE GOWER 112804 4-128 W 34 190 5’11 br gn Seeking pen pals who are very sincere and open t the possibility of a relationship upon my release-Dec’95 I’m a Sag. and very blunt and honest about everything. If you feel you can be honest and share your time please write.

DAVID CORBIN 901698 21-1R 19 185 6' bd bu I'm lonely and seeing a long term friendship, possible relationship. Age/race are unimportant. Out soon.

HARLAND HANSHAW 11 7015 6-A 20 5'10 135 br gr I'm a loving and caring young person looking to have a live-in relationship with the right guy

JOEL CLAY 854975 39-65 B 42 bk br seeking long-term relationship, enjoy camping, horses, auto racing, race no barrier, will answer all

JOHN MARTINEZ 114908 3-11R-3 22 6'4 210 br bu Strong, masculine, dominant, seeking submissive, feminine type for correspondence, friendship, and relationship Age unimportant, arxl will ans all

BRIAN HUDDLESON 919251 5-1-J W Bi 23 5' 11 150 br br HIV-, well hung, romantic walks and evenings, all music, dancing, swimming, camping, boating, sports fan, I'm warm, passionate, caring, loving and lonely. I'm seeking honest, Bi/gay, 20-? for friendship, correspondence and hopefully to start a sincere caring, and monogamous relat. Out soon. Ans all

DONALD MOORE 78145 5-1A-15 I am intelligent, lonely, humorous, ambitious, and caring Seeks an affectionate person whose willing to explore new ideas and stimulating conversations I'll treat you with friendly correspondence and cheerful surprise Please write

POB

PENDELTON

46064

TODD MILLS 912249 23 bkbr bu 5'10 155 Seeking others for friendship and possible relationship, please write.

EDDIE PEYTON 903849 13-5-J NA/W 21 61 193 br hz l‘m a very warm, caring, and loving person, that's new to the scene and very lonely. I need guidance & companionship I'm seeking corr /friendship with honest and sincere Bi/gays who are interested in something meaningful Age/looks are unimportant Out soon Will ans all WALT SCHMUCK 892605 7-2J W 31 5’10 165 br br I'm HIV-, unique, nicely hung, attractive, caring, passionate and wrapped in an exceptionally hard body Looking for that special someone to correspond with that is mature, an equal No head games. 2yrs short, frierxls first poss more, lets trade photos ISP POB 41 46361-0041

MICHIGAN CITY

DANIEL J DENNIS 8744321 1E4 IDU W Bi 27 6196 bd bu fair skin, I am a Thelemite -desire same, but will remain open. Ans. allS.A.S.E . Want no money love justly love and understanding. I am sensitive, passionate, and compassionate. Pagans all very welcome. RHICHEY 861953 29 5'10 185 bk br Italian/American, well endowed, smooth skin and HIV neg., sexually versatile, enjoys outdoor sports, fitness, action movies, soon to released, would like to meet older person who is emotionally and financially secure who would like to start a business together, no games or cons need to reply, picture gets mine. CHARLES RIDLEY 874971 N9B B 45 610 225 br muscular, exercise, reading, traveling, music, well kept, charged with bank robbery (no perfect people, just perfect moments) JEFF TUMULTY 910117 S-231 W 27 64 185 in for short time, seeking Bi or gay male .race unimportant, for correspondence and possible relationships, no games and must be honest. POB

473

WESTVILLE

46391

MARK GREGORY 893441 E-1-east W 35 180 5'10 br bu Looking for a long term relationship and new friends. Due out in '95. All letters will be answered. POB

557

WESTVILLE

46391-0557

ANTHONY C WALLS 866295 24 5'9 153 bd bu shy, swimmers build, well hung, 7.5 fat cute inc., smooth back side, HIV-, sexually I enjoy everything, I believe in total honesty with all my partner, out soon please write. WVCI

POB

1111

CARLISLE IN

47838

IMARI BUTLER 893963 B-5-205 21 6'1 165 I'm looking for a good friend to write and I will be a good friend to be with. I will be released soon. Please write soon. I make my friends happy. SCOTT McCORD 912853 B-12-101 W 27 br br I like to read good books and to write I like working out, country music, and old time rock and roll Looking for true friendship. Please write. LOGAN S EDWARDS 885431 SHUB7-106W W Bi bk bu 27 170 611 athletic, sincere, openminded. relocatable, released soon, seeking financially secure feminine partner 30-50 to share intimate times with. Looking for a relationship TERRANCE HOOD 883509 BW-7-105 B Bi 35 69 172 looking for gay or Bi lover, between 30-50 for correspondence. Race unimportant Seeking feminine traits Please send photo.

TEG SCUGGS 16232 SHu W 27 6' 1 75 bd bo smooth face/body 9' uncut many interests wil write al. iooks/rac«age/sex all unmponant open to all conversation, very versatile, no games I'm very discrete and open. I’d like to develop real relationships with the right guy will relocate, lets trade photos STEVE SCHILLING 11098 F-308-U W 39 bu bd seeking pen pals CHRISTOPHER SO RIDER 876268 SHU-A-9W-102 W br bu 6'1 213 handsome, athletic, sincere, open-minded, relocatable, seeking financially secure partner. age/race unimportant to share intimate times with, sincere replies only PHILLIP WOODARD 903024 A12-103-W 30 5'8 165 br bu Very lonely man seeks same I'm inside with animals and am in need tenderness and caring Write soon, please hurry. ARFCF 49221

POB

1888

ADRIAN

MICHIGAN

BRYONSMEDLEY 215005 W 30 6.5' 185 br br seeking middle aged man who is looking for a relationship, to be paroled in July '95, seeking support as a gay man. DAVID A SCHLENKERT 231159 W 28 6'1 175 br bu Seeking same. My family has disowned me for being gay, so I'm looking for someone 30 or older for a lasting relationship once I'm released. OSP POB 74502

McALESTER

MICHAEL DALS 123916 W 37 230 If your looking for a big teddy bear please write. I'm a home person who likes cars, horses, sex with lots of passion, very independent, very kind, released soon, looking for a place. MICHAEL A REMY 145773 W/l 28 5'9 145 longbr bu feminine, sexy, intelligent, seeking friend/lover- a sincere honest man, clean shaven, romantic, who loves to cuddle and make me feel good and appreciates my affection. JOE RONEY 169743 21 br bu HIV- Doing 3 yrs for DUI. I'm looking for someone who wants to share his life with someone who is faithful and is fun to be with. RT BOX 76597

4400

GATESVILLE

BOBBY LEE WILLIAMS 570330 3-A-A-18 W Bi 32 5'9 170 honest, caring, understanding, open-minded, very lonely, seeking correspondence with any gays, TV, TS, cross dressers, for friendship/relationship, no head games, age/race unimportant, ans. all. RT 4 BOX 1100 77583

ROSHARON

DARREN SCOTT AUDAS 339657 5W-109 34 5'10 165 bd/br hz I'm looking tor true rv honest friendship first, and possible relationship I'm working on getting out soon I've no family or friends My hobbies are playing guitar n poetry, please write'

CCI POB 93581

HOSPITAL DRIVE NTH IN 83544

JOHN D MILLE C-14123 B4-1B-202 W Bi 23 bd bu 5'9 140 released ‘95 seeking, correspondence with gay a Bi. non-game players fa a lasting relationship upon release I'm in excellent shape I workout with weights and have many hobbies and interests Trade photos

OROFINO

RICHARD D JOHNSON 25132 A-2 Irish/lndian Bi 31 5'10 170 bk hz Looking for marriage-minded hermaphrodite over I8yrs and love sex I'm doing time for smoke Released next year and will move anywhere fa right person Your pic gets mine ASPC POB 85232

4000

FLORENCE

EDWARD BROWN 84721 EYEMAN 24 I’m looking fa friends and others I'm interested in finding the right person to share my thoughts, experiences, and friendship with Please write DUANE McMICAN 757500 4000E EYEMAN 35 5'11 185 bd gn Seeking carespondence with interesting people with the same interests. I enjoy the outdoors, surf, ski, boating and fishing I was raised in San Diego Ca . Hope to hear from you soon. CARLOS VELEZ 88124 208 EYEMAN Mex./Am. 21 5“9 170 bk br Sagittarius, down on a soft 8yrs, I'm seeking a sincere honest, good hearted individual with a good sense of huma and outlook on life to carespond with, pos. relat., someone help me finish my time, ans. all. POB

100

JEAN

NEV

89026

MICHAEL MARTIN 32151 W 31 6'3 260 longbd bu likes to read, write, and workout. I'm a very happy, open person seeking that one very special person. POB

607

CARSON

CITY

89702

JOE JULIANO 24008 32 5’9 165 bk br seeking pen pals for friendship •poss. relationship RICHARD D KENNEY 34905 W 28 5'6 169 rd athletic build, nympho, seeking pen pals, friendship, hot letters, will answer all whom write. POB

607

CARSON

CITY

89702

MARK SELF W 34 Two years short, looking for someone special to write to, please write. POB 7000 CARSON NV 89702 BRUNO M VENDRAMIN 43670 34 6' 170 br br HIV-, Grad, of De Paul Uni. '81. runway model-Park West Chicago, 16yr retiree navy, hobbies, horses, dogs, and outdoors, western pleasure instructor, in for 5 yrs, still recovering from car accident in '84

JAMES K FUGATE 644343 34 br bu 5'6 140 I'm a first time offender with a non aggravated sentence, seeking correspondence please write KEN HAZLETT 663043 7W1-7T 32 5'10 bd bu Released later this year Hobbies inc. jogging, weights, scuba diving, and tennis. I'm looking for friends and perhaps that special someone in my life. I've a one owner heart DONNALD OWINGS 535422 5' 7 br br 127 Cancer, born TX, not into drugs, enjoy good times, cooking, seeking pen pals, HIV-, I've no one to write to, out '95, hope to hear from someone soon.

CSP POB 5002 92233-5002

CALIPATRIA

WOOD D MATTHEWS E18117C4-145 Inside for I5yrs with much remase, seeking pen pal/friend, someone to discuss my inner most feelings with and someone who's into the Lord POB 8101 SAN LUIS 93409-8101

OBISPO

DAVIS M SIMONS D-76796 35 5'11 165bdbu I'm on an eternal spiritual journey and I'm looking for a companion to share this experience I'm quite, gentle, sensitive, romantic, and libertarian, interests- music, piano, singing, sports, no smoking, drugs or alcohol

1902

TEHACHAPI

HILTON BROOKER C-38855 4B-8C-105k>w B 38 6' 200 Very handsome 13 5mc cock once it’s all the way hard Looking fa real people to write me Send non-Polarotcfs photos fa mine I want a real relationship Out soon Please write

DANIEL WYGNANSKI D03922 B4-1B-202 W 34 6'1 160brgn I'm seeking friendship, companionship, correspondence and suppat now and after release, from serious gay/Bi, no game players, trade photos, released m'95 POB

7500

CRESCENT CITY CA

95531

TRACY GORDON D-75459 C8-213 B 27 6'1 170 lean chocolate covered muscle. I love men of all colas, seeking corresponding for friendship and hopefully romance - a beautiful experience we can share MCSP

POB

409099

IONE

95640

MEL McGEE E 57818 B9-206 B 36 I would like to caresp with anyone regardless of age or race I'm open-minded and honest I have a variety of interests and a love of the out-doas I collect and restae old cars as a hobby and as a business. Looking for real people to correspond with who wants and can be a friend JAMES RSCHUCK E-89646 A-5-136-L 30 6' br br I love football and haseback riding, my hobbies are stamps, spats, and collecting cards, I like an assortment of music. FP POB 29 REPRESA CA 95671 MAURICE BORK D-16559-FA-2214 33 I'm a dark-brownish haired man with fair skin, attractive and slender I stand 5’10, don't smoke or drink, I'm out-going, with humor and wit. I'm in excellent shape Interests include nature , hugs, togetherness, and being happy I'm a wholesome, affectionate and true and I want a man who is that way too! Please send S A.S.E.. TRACY GORDON D-57459 AG-103 B 30 Doing 14yrs for burglary, I am lonely and want to write to someone who has been victimized while in prison, interested in psychology and college courses, member 5 PR, please write. CMFSP POB 2000 VACAVILLE CA 95696-2000 LE ROY ARRINGTON H46053 P338 You may already be a winner mealy by reading this add Honesty, integrity, dignity, are yours but you must write now to claim prizes. Intelligent and oh so provocative missives abound Manna from heaven Don't delay, offer expir&s sain, act now RICHARD GONZALES U-240 E 85198 W 33 5‘8 br br I'd like to meet same, ?0-4byrs, I need to love and to tie loved, please write sain. It will give me sanething to look forward to OSP 2605 STATE ST 97310-0505

SALEM

TIMOTHY SUNDEEN 6998060 29 5'9 200 longbr bu Seeking carespondence with someone that wouldn't mind sharing some warm conversation and probably more I'm very lonely and missing something in my life No games I've been inside 8 long lonely years and to be released soon Looking faward to hearing from someone.

SUPPORTING PRISONERS

RAPE TRAUMA SYNDROME

Some practical suggestions.

RTS is a complex and lengthy psychological reaction which effects all victims of sexual assault. However, if you know about it and are thus able to deal with it better, you will also get over it more easily. RTS effects straight, Bi or gay including those who avoid a completed rape. RTS can be particularly severe and even life threatening. Some of the first physical signs may include severe pain, shock, tremors of the arms and legs, stomach problems, nausea or vomiting, constipation, diarrhea, hypertension, sleep disturbances, headache, dizziness, and aggravation of a preexisting condition. RTS is not easy to deal with, but if you recognize it and allow for its effects, it will be much less damaging to your mental balance. Once you are released from prison you should contact a rape crisis center and find a therapist who is familiar with RTS. Meanwhile discuss RTS with other survivors and try to see how it affects your feelings and decisions. By recognizing its influences, you can go a long way to neutralize it. If you try to ignore it, it will haunt you for the rest of your life. This is a brief summary of RTS, for more information write to S.P.R. in New York as listed above.

in supporting prisoner we try to achieve several things These people are kept in cages and are often kept in control units where they spend most of ther time in isolation We must not allow the isolation to cut them off from the outside or from the continuing struggle Through correspondence and visits we lessen their isolation and we can learn a lot from them Supporting prisoners also involves providing them with material aid such as food packages, clothing stamps, etc The prison system exploits the prisoner and makes it difficult for them to get decent food and other things that seem base to us We must also act to help defend them against the brutality of the prison officials When they are harassed we must be prepared to harass back, to let the prison officials know that there are people watching

RESEARCH Find as much about the prisoner as you can Remember prisoners are not always able to speak freely about there activities they have been involved in or cases that may still be pending Also, try prisoner support groups, other prisoners for info , documents re case, friends, family, etc

CORRESPONDENCE Writing to prisoners and keeping them informed as to what is happening on the outside as well as keeping yourself informed about what is going on on the inside is a big part of prison support work Correspondence is often restricted and delayed and is always monitored, so it is important to self monitor what ever you send

VISITS Visits are another way to keep the connection between prisoners and their communities alive Seeing the face of a friend from the other side of the walls can be a welcome break

SENDING ITEMS Many basic items are difficult for prisoners to get, such as food and writing material Find out what the prisoner wants/likes. Know what prisons allow to bÂŠ sent

WATCHDOG/LEGAL

ASSISTANCE

One of the most important things we can do is help prisoners with legal cases and help monitor their treatment.

IN GENERAL

STOP PRISONER RAPE. Stop Prisoner Rape was established in 79 by Russell Smith as People Organized to Stop the Rape of the Imprisoned, and to provide support. The following information comes from fliers SPR provide to both victims and supporters. For more information about SPR, RTS, or supporting prisoners write to:

Be consistent Know as much about the prison regulations and know that prison workers will arbitrarily lie. Learn the bureaucracy from the prisoner. Be clear with the prisoner about what you can and are willing to do. Be open and direct with any concerns you have with the prisoner.

S.P.R. POB 2713 Manhattanville Station New York NY. 10027-8817

BBB adds continued:

EOCI 2500 WESTGATE PENDLETON OR 97801 MICHAEL CATLIN 6633231 Bi 32 6' 220 longbd bu Out in 2-3yrs. Seeking mature gay/Bi 30-60yrs, who is kind, gentle, patient, and a good pen pal and friend and maybe more I enjoy the outdoors, boating, fishing, country music, and classical rock and roll. DAVID COATES 7016488 W 29 6'1 175 br bu released Dec'95, enjoy reading, music, camping, hiking, and romantic evenings by a fire, been inside 9 years, I need a man who is loving, supportive, honest, and sincere, no gamers, please write.

520

WALLA WALLA WA

DALE LEECH 933467 5-G-12 W 31 very submissive bottom, looking for a well hung top, I love being bent over and dominated', my sex rear end awaits your reply

His belt in his hand Like an artist's paintbrush raised Paint marks on my ass

WILDWOOD 10 CHUGACH AV KENAI ALASKA 99611-7098 WILLIAM A MYERS W 59 180 5'9 bu avid camera bug, seeks a serious relationship, I'm uninhibited and love the outdoors for sports, fishing, hiking, etc

SCCC POB 5001 ALASKA 99664

Naked on my bed Tied spread-eagle to the posts trembling candlelight

SEWARD

SHANE B PAYTON W 21 5'9 157 bu br active in karate, tattoo artist, hot sex and anxious to learn

Illustration by Jesse W Campbell

WSP POB 99362

Vernal Equinox My jeans around my ankles Time to sow my seed

In the previous issue, # 80. we repnnted an article by Gabriel Rotello on HIV and oral sex. which originally appeared in OUT magazine. Mr. Rotello examined new information regarding the risks of HIV infection through oral sex. While the article does provide some insight into the ambiguity of safer sex, it seems to me that it lacks a desperately needed radical perspective on sexuality, especially queer sexuality. In a time when sex is more and more associated with disease and death, it is important to notice how the assumptions which we make, and which the safe-sex education establishment advocates, regarding what’s safe and what's not. can limit the possibilities of self empowerment through sex. I believe that by looking at our sexual practices only through the "Is it really safe? What’s the possibility of infection here?" glasses, we lock ourselves into homophobic thought forms which depict sex as dirty, shameful, secretive, dangerous and potentially lethal when not pursued for reasons of procreation. What s missing from the debate is not another medical study about how many gay men got what by doing what w ith whom. What's misstng is the exploration of our sexuality not as something we place more and more limits on. but as a manifestation of the life force which is a limitless, boundaryless, vast ocean of possibilities. Let’s continue to unfold all the physical, magical, spiritual gifts which sex offers us by transforming our relationships with our bodies, our queer passion and our community. The following article originally appeared in Token magazine and offers one such approach. Let’s keep the dialogue going, and let’s continue to have fun. - Delilah

SAFE SEX KILLS by Nathan Cooper (reprinted from Token magazine) In the state of AIDS crisis, it is virtually impossible to question the dictates of "safer sex." Safer sex literature commands young queer men to look away from fucking to a sex regime of healthy, fun and societally-endorsed erotic practices including anything from fancy massage to "hot" play with Cool Whip. While this project of expanding sexual possibilities in a world obsessed with penetration is worthwhile, this discourse runs the risk of pathologizing anal intercourse, an already stigmatized activity.

potentially life-saving conversations. Ignoring the very real effects that condoms have on the experience of sex is crucial to the pathologizing of queer men who demonstrate even the slightest difficulty subscribing to modes of "responsible/' societally-approved sex. Moreover, the safe sex project sidesteps the complexity of the ongoing struggle to be a queer boy in America. It could not be more anticlimactic to endure fifteen yeafs of disembodied anti-sex self-loathing only to come out to a sexphobic society. This deliberate ignorance has created a generation of young queer men with crippled sexualities. They are illprepared to enjoy the pleasures earned from escaping their closets and unable to effectively protect themselves from HIV. A recent report predicted that a twenty-year-old gay man has a 50% probability of seroconverting in his lifetime, demonstrating this point all too clearly.

We need to critically examine the problems inherent in privileging one construction of sexual experience over another. The dangers in promoting alternative "whip-cream" behaviors is that the literature all too often implicitly condemns officially unpopular practices, anal intercourse topping the list. This near erasure is typical of the unrealistic and homophobic mode by which dominant discourse engages queer sex. Selective suppression of sexual practices only obstructs the fight against AIDS.

Empirical evidence has shown the established conceptions of how to manage the spread of HIV are failing, particularly for queer men whose entire sexual histories have been framed by the do's and don'ts of HIV. The generally benevolent AIDS education machinery has persistently An examination of what's behind, or rather underneath, this recent avoided admitting that safer sex is a drag. Sex educators refuse to failure is an essential step towards devising a new sex strategy. Young engage in a conversation about the significant inconveniences imposed queer men have to be able to envision a happy and sexual life for any by condoms, such as a lessening of the pure physical enjoyment of sex. AIDS education to make sense. The current system's presentation of Puritanical and homophobic bashfulness prevents meaningful and safer sex falls all too short of this goal. and potentially life-saving conversations." The inescapable fact that we live in a time when point could not be put more cleanly and certain sexual behaviors are potentially lethal, The "ambiguity of safer sex", which succinctly. Richard Elovich, quoted in whether pursued for procreation, pleasure or Delilah above credits Gabriel Rotello with Warner's Voice article, states: "We haven't self-empowerment, when they are not pursued examining, is an ambiguity of information, created the spaces where gay men can be with prophylaxis. with conflicting and often contradictory honest with each other, and that's the In an epidemic, information — scientific assumptions creating a minefield of beginning of harm reduction. If I can't talk thoughtfully applied —can provide responsible action for all sexually active honestly about what it means to me to have widespread prophylactic results. But as individuals. Facing the challenge of deciding someone’s dick up my butt or to have Michael Warner reminds us in a recent, where next to step, or even whether to step at someone come in my mouth. I can’t think insightful piece in the Village Voice |"Why all, is a radical predicament. It is perhaps an through what it would cost me to give it up " Gay Men are Having Risky Sex." January 31, even more profound and difficult challenge to Huz/ah! Such candor is long overdue. But ]995j "Safer sex is easier to adopt in the recognize within this dilemma an opportunity the dialogue is not encouraged by yet another short-run than to sustain." Nathan Cooper, in for personal transformation and self level of politically correct metoric depicting his comments above, states, "...the established empowerment. But in the last decade-and-arisk reducing behaviors as limits rather than conceptions of how to manage the spread of half. we have seen multitudes of individuals do modifications and dismissing safer sex as "a HIV are failing..." This cannot be denied. All so, taking unto themselves new levels of drag." The history of safer sex education is recent epidemiological evidence seems to personal power and self-determination — not one of "deliberate ignorance," and "Safe support that the effectiveness of safe(r) sex which in our society is one of the most radical Sex Kills" is the sort of hyperbole more prone education efforts is waning and failing transformations to be achieved. to raise hackles than consciousness. A more dramatically, particularly among younger gay "Is it safe?" is certainly not the sole candid and profound discussion of our men. Much of this relapse can arguably be legitimate question to be posed regarding our responses to the health crisis is beginning and traced to the "sacred" or "sacred cow" aura of sexual thinking and behavior. However, should not be stymied by "more radical than educational efforts, along with rather concern about rates and routes of infection thou" positioning. Delilah is right. "Let's keep Pollyann-ish notions about the primal sources and dissemination of epidemiological the dialogue going.and let's continue to have and presumed flexibility of sexual desire. information is not inherently puritanical and fun." It's the only responsible thing to do. Mr. Cooper says, "Puritanical and does not, in and of itself, lead to "shameful, - A. Vera homophobic bashfulness prevents meaningful secretive" attitudes toward sex. It is an

J a

Living on the body of the Mountainn I wake at dawn, dim light. I am cool and much sleep is still circulating in my body. Thick clouds in the atmosphere darken the sky and this little chamber of mine is still, a vessel on a darkening sea. I dreamt of birds as harbingers of consciousness, and here now a bird tweets in the most untweet-like weather. It encourages me to shake myself and take up this pen. The matted leaf-like blanket falls on top of me and I am a snake absorbing the last of the swollen heat as it seeps into my skin, slight tingle of cold blood touching the underside of my body. The mining of heat and consolation. The day is firming up, a day of storm, a day that is so full of water it will dissolve all resolution and plans. My rhododendron is placid, and I realize that when I go to visit my lover out west, someone will be staying in this room while I am gone. I imagine cautionary notes to them: the plant is undemanding, but be careful of the mirror and the bed; they both have a degree of instability—or perhaps breed instability?

a t h a n

Hard rain keeps me in bed despite my chores. The lantern is on the bed with me and I write facing the minor. I lay here and draw my body onto paper as I saw it in the mirror, cradling myself in my eyes. Asymmetry and decay, the signs of an eldering body, half ignored, half respected: curves accentuate; the skin collects crevices, like used tinfoil; and scars accumulate on the hands like the scratches on the covers of old storybooks. Here in this small room there is only the heat of two yellow lights humming, of the stove and four warm wooden walls. 1 think of the days ahead with my lover, of walking, playing, fooling. It’s Sunday and I feel no religion, other than the daily practice of these mantra words into this scriptured text. Now naked and alone in another's bed, I let covers slip from me and I shiver contentedly. This fellow, not my lover, and I have a strange relationship, we have fallen into each other, between sleep, and touch, and our own writings. I drift and he begins his words, the scratching sound of pen on paper enters my subconscious as though it is an awakening. His writing crosses the continent of the bed and enters me as I lay half asleep. The travelogue of his visions, the journal of dreams, is transfered into sound. Later, so near sleep that I am stretching time, I hear my heart pulsing in my ear against the pillow. It makes a similar scratching noise: my blood etching out its private words on the walls of my veins. Cold feet dance in and out of covers between the acts of the night, and now an exposed back is washed in cold air. I spend a week of nights with this fellow, though without slipping into sexual blossoms. However, I have lust, or something that tastes like lust, and it haunts quiet hours. — My lover and I talk on the phone about the boundaries of desire; there is more concern about where the mind is than where the body is. My body, my spirit, will soon be bound on a train across this continent to my lover. How strange to think about it, while laying in this fellow’s bed, in this wrinkle in time, with the grey light on this paper, the cool Tennessee air seeping into everything, as if everything were a vacuous space. When the Earth spins, why does the air spin with her? Why don't the gasses stand still, surrounding the solid dradeling planet? Like the earth spinning, all things take their turn. This night it is this fellow who is asleep under covers, these penciled words etching their scratchy sound into his ear. When I sleep with my lover, we stay up to the same moment, slip into the short-cut sleep at the same time. But here I keep my own time. And somewhere between the ears and the mind come the click conversations of my two thumbs. Since a child, my thumb joints have clicked when I use them. It as though they are sending messages— an arthritic Morse code— to each other, sometimes over week's times. I look at the rocks on this fellow's alter. I think of the devine patience of rocks! To wait in peace undiscovered for centuries, with the thusness of being, and then to be placed on someone's alter an adorned, for a few years of praise, and then discarded. The stories and silences rocks must endure. The deceptive hour of the day, 12:30 am. I toothbrushed and bumped head on the low cabin ceilings. Then, while peeing by the old sugar maple out front, I saw the big dipper stretched out over the bam roof, filling the easy sky with it's huge question mark. It was relaxed, bending back as if it is doing the limbo. I have never seen such an unburdened question, one so huge and calm. This fellow reads me poems for hours instead of dinner—rice, bread and turnips were left over, a sacrificial meal for poet and audience. I was moved and angry, could take no more in. Like a lover who keeps stroking you after orgasm, returning you into your body with pure raw, his words rubbed. Searing heat, to a rock, is nothing at all. But brilliance still shines in granite. The railroad tracks of my spirit approach, with lusty bushes planted on either side. I begin to lick my arm in hunger. I am about to go west, about to embark on another journey: I put on my journeying hat, put on my old wings and perhaps even the persona of the traveler, the spy. I leave this mountain, this precious rock formation, to venture out west a spell. Now in my lover's body, thoughts disappear, words disintegrate like grains of sugar in water. We share our secrets. She licks stones, brings them to life and tells their stories. I tell her of being on the train, of sitting, by coincidence, beside a friend of hers; two random bodies placed side by side, like a pair of words, suddenly making great sense, creating unexpected meaning. I wonder how much does my past enter into the ecstasy of the moment? My lover's body, so different from m ine- sometimes I don't understand it, like my own body. There is more about sex that lies in my mind than in the / body. Every body is a mystery; as one male's body is from another, to another, as each and every female's body, C, hermaphrodite's, child's, animal's body is to each other. Pleasure seeps into pain, from expectations, from context. And pain seeps into pleasure, from percetions, from words. 1

G f e a .T

~ d e n

5ea5or><al T^ote 5 A b o u t tK e W ild P la n l 5 F o u n d in th e 5 o u t h e o 5 t e r n LS.J>.

ancm<

a i x

M a y a p p le The roundish fruits, about the size of a small lemon and a pale yellowgreen when ripe, are sought after by some for jellies and marmalades. They ripen in this region in late June and July, often after the leaf has already yellowed and the stem collapsed. Billy Joe Tatum, expert on edible and medicinal wild plants of the Ozarks, reports in her Wild Foods Cookbook and Field Guide that "there was never a more beautiful jelly than that made from Mandrakes," and that "it looks as though sunbeams have been caught and preserved." Recipes for the sunny yellow jelly, Mayapple marmalade, and a unique "Mayapple punch" are given in her book. Gatherers of the fruits should bear in

(CPodopbylluw pellidum)

Very early in the spring the greenish-white sprouts of Mayapples start poking through the thick mulch of the forest floor. The pointed sheath of the sprout soon parts, and in a portent of the final appearance, allows what appears to be a tightly closed and rolled green umbrella to ascend upward several inches. As the stem completes its growth, the leaves unfurl and flatten out horizontally, hoisted aloft umbrella-fashion as much as twelve inches. The rich green leaves are coarsely toothed and usually have a few fairly deep indentations. Mayapples spread by forming a network of underground stems, often colonizing large areas of woodland. Few joys of the early spring can match the superlative sight of acres of Mayapples as a gentle Spring breeze moves wave-like through the woodland scene gently rocking the shiny green tops. A small colony of the Lilliputian umbrellas clustered on the banks of a creek make one imagine an elfin beach resort! Mayapple, which is also known in some areas as Mandrake or Hog Apple, is found commonly in woodland areas with rich, moist soil throughout eastern North America. A majority of the plants in a colony will have only one leaf, while a few will have two. Flowers are borne only on the plants with two leaves; the single blossoms appear at the point where the stems of the two leaves come together (as in the accompanying illustration). The flowers usually appear by early April here in the Middle South and are creamy white with a waxy appearance. An elusive fragrance may be detected by persistent attempts at sampling, and this may remind some discerning noses of the smell of apple cider. The fragrance is fleetingly present for only the First day or two after the blossom opens; a blossom usually lasts only four or Five days before it shatters. A rare pink-flowered variety has been found in a few locations.

rootstock is perennial and is adversely affected by disturbance, they must be planted in a location where they will not be bothered by soil cultivation. Mayapples are otherwise fairly tough and dependable perennial wildflowers. but bear in mind they are one of the "Spring Ephemeral s." This means that they appear only during the Spring and early Summer months. The leaves will yellow and wither in late June or July, and it may appear to the uninitiated as though they are dying. However, the root has been re-charged by the green umbrella solar collector, and the umbrellas will be unfurled once again the following spring. The underground stems wander widely and freely, and will gradually establish a colony of numerous green umbrellas in a suitable location.

mind that while the fruit is perfectly safe to eat, the roots, stems and leaves of this plant can be poisonous. Certain chemicals in the roots of Mayapple are very strong purgatives, and the early pioneers learned from Native Americans to utilize this property of the plant The early settlers also learned from the Native Americans that a paste made from the root was effective at eliminating warts and some skin cancers. Podophyllin, a particular chemical originally isolated from the Mayapple root, is currently the drug of choice in treating venereal warts. Since 1980. research work at St. Jude Children's Research Hospital in Memphis has developed a drug protocol using Podophyllin-based drugs in combination with other drugs to produce apparently permanent remissions in a significant number of childhood leukemia cases. Some of the patients had previously not responded to any other treatments. Research is expanding on the use of Podophyllin-based chemicals on other types of cancers and viruses. Podophyllin itself is toxic when taken internally, and causes potent and serious side-effects. Synthetic podophyllins are now being produced which mimic the parent chemical, but cause less adverse effects.

"Happy foraging!" Dancing Mane

L, LJ*?

Dancing Mane describes himself as a rural-dwelling, long-haired nature boy, a sensitive, gentle satyr, intimately bound to nature and the environment, and a passionately dedicated gardener/landscaper/botanist who would welcome questions, comments, or communications from fellow faerie plant spiritsâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;especially long-haired ones! Write d o RFD

The Mayapple can be easily transplanted to the home wildflower garden, but will prosper only if provided with shade, moisture and a rich soil with lots of humus and a thick protective covering of leaf mulch. As the

Seed Savingâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;Why? by: Matthew Arnsberger Saving seed is a noble, earth-centering preoccupation that has deepseated political and social ramifications. Saving seeds enables you to participate more fully in the natural process of your most intimate favorites within the plant kingdom. It preserves genetic resources and fosters greater self-reliance. You can also engage in the subtle role of genetic breeding simply by selecting seed from particular plants that display characteristics that you favor; early producing tomatoes, late bolting lettuce, ever blooming hollyhocks, brilliantly colored beans, sweeter melons, bigger filberts, etc. Much of it is quite simple and requires you to only follow a few basic rules.

By the mid 70's, three-quarters of Europe's traditional vegetable seeds were on the verge ofextinction. According to research done by the Rural Advancement Fund International (RAFI), 97% of some 75 common types of vegetables varieties offered in the U.S. in the early 1900â&#x20AC;&#x2122;s are now extinct. "Of the 7098 apple varieties in use between 1804 and 1904 in the U.S., 6121 or 86.2 percent have been lost" [3]. At first seed companies were small family run enterprises that sold specialty and regionally adapted flower and vegetable varieties. Gardeners bought seed to augment their own collections, to try something new. and were likely drawn to the appeal of carefully selected varieties. Over the last twenty years, however, more than one thousand traditional seed companies have been bought up by large multinational "biochemical enterprises" [4], Seed selling has become big business with such names as Sandoz, Ltd., Switzerland; Groupe Limagrain, France; and George J. Ball, U.S., who own and control a major portion of the seed wholesale business.

Human beings have been selectively breeding plants for ten thousand years. But contrary to most popular opinion the first plants people cultivated were probably not grains or food crops such as wheat and corn, but rather highly valued rare plants used for medicines, dyes, rituals, poisons and utensils 111. food was generally in abundance and the people knew how to hunt and gather from the rich diversity of their natural surroundings.

Hybrids are bred to outperform open-pollinated varieties under lowstress, well-cultivated conditions with the use of fertilizers and irrigation. In 1970, the Plant Variety Protection Act enabled breeders to patent their varieties, thus making it illegal for others to propagate them for sale. This places even further controlling constraints on the availability of seed for food and gardens.

Seed saving was a common folk practice up until 30 or 40 years ago when seed companies began introducing improved hybrid seed. Now most of the traditional and locally adapted, open-pollinated varieties of Bower and vegetable seeds are being dropped from seed catalogues and lost because new variety development is being done almost exclusively for hybrid seed (2).

Regionally-adapted specialty seeds and old varieties are the first to be commercially replaced and go extinct. They are an incredibly important source of natural breeding material in the garden, as well as for the continual development of improved hybrids, which credit their characteristics from their more wild relatives. There are too few seed exchange programs out there whose function it is to collect and preserve open pollinated varieties.

Hybrid seed cannot be saved, because it does not reproduce true to form as open-pollinated varieties will. The market grower, gardener or farmer must buy new seed each year to keep growing these varieties. It is more expensive to you, more profitable for the seed companies and in the process valuable plant genes are lost. The natural diversity found in open-pollinated varieties enables plants to adapt to local conditions, focal adaptation means drought tolerance; pest and disease resistance, climate compatibility, and beneficial associations with plants and other organisms within their habitat.

Support RFD's seed swap. Ask around your local community for heirloom seed from the old-timers; they will likely be enthusiastic about

S E E D S WA P

sharing it with you. Seed must not be hoarded, rather shared freely to assure natural breeding and diversity. You will be thankful if you have a bad year or bad storage if you’ve got friends or neighbors growing ou your favorite variety as well.

Available from: Matthew Arnsberger, Rt. 4 Box 169, Louisa VA 23093 Send SASE and some extra stamps, lots, some, few availably of seed

"Cherish variation, for without it life will perish." -Sir Otto Frankel

Annuals Amaranths: edible greens, nutritious grain Golden Giant—lots—sacred grain variety Elephant Head—lots—red plumage R-158—lots—developed by Rodale Institute Arugula—some—cold hardy green, self seeds Basil, mix (Thai & --)—some Bean, Scarlet Runner— 1 cup—heirloom, edible, ornamental climber Com, Hickory king—half cob—old-time Southern favorite Cosmos, orange—some—garden essential Dill—few—attracts beneficial insects Epazote—some—Mexican culinary weed Hollyhock. Zabrina—some—everblooming, compact, old fashion Larkspur lots—available Spring 95 Mustard, Upland Cress—lots Okra, dwarf—lots—up to six feet Okra, Old Salem var.—few Peppers. Sweet—lots—red. green & chocolate Poppy, Faerie Winged—lots—available Spring 95 Radish, Japanese Daikon—lots Spilanthus—lots—ritual herb of S. Mexico Squash: Arikara, Cucurb maxima—few—from S. Dakota Hopi Taos Squash, C. mixta—few Zaire Butternut—50 or So—best for deep South Zucchini, White Egyptian—few Stinging Nettle—lots—excellent spring green Sunflower, Italian—few—small seeds, good for birds Tobacco. Cherokee—some Tomato: Mortgage Litter—some— late fruit set, excellent flavor Yellow Peach—some—small, sweet Yellow Stripe—some Turnip, Globe, White w/ Purple Top—lots Turnip Greens—lots Woad—lots—ritual dye plant

B ibliography: (1 j. Fowler and Mooney, Shattering: Food. Politics, and the Los^of Genetic Diversity. The University of Arizona Press, c. 1990, pp. 6,10 (2J. C.R. Lawn. Do You Know Where Your Seed Comes From? Fedco Seeds, PO Box 520, Waterville, ME 04903. [3] . Shattering. Ibid, p.63 [4] , Do You Know Where Your Seed Comes From?. Ibid. R esources; Seed Exchanges: *Seed Savers Exchange, 3076 N. Winn RD. Decorah, IA 52101. $1 ♦RFD's Seed Swap, Stv c/o RFD, POB 68, Liberty, TN 37095. *Permaculture Seed/Scion Exchange, Joe Hollis, 3020 Whiteoak Creek Rd., Burnsville, NC 28714. SASE. Books: ♦Seed to Seed: Saving Our Vegetable Heritage. Suzanne Ashworth; Seed Savers Exchange. 1990: 240 pp., $20 ppd. *Breed Your Own Vegetable Varieties. Carol Deppe; Little Brown & Co., 1993; 303 pp., $21.95 Seed Catalogues Specializing in Open Pollinated Seeds: ♦Seeds of Change, 621 Old Santa Fe Trail, #10, Santa Fe, NM 87501 ♦Native Seeds/SEARCH, 2509 N. Campbell Ave. #325, Tucson, AZ 85719 $1 ♦Southern Exposure Seed Exchange, POB 170, Earlysville, VA 22936 $3 ♦Peace Seeds, 2385 S.E. Thompson St., Corvallis, OR 97333 $3.50

EPiSoAeife?

Perennials—

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Clover, Red—lots—nitrogen fixer, good medicinal Dandelion. French Culinary—some—spring green Echinacea—some—don’t know which species Maypop, Passiflora incamata—lots—native herbaceous vine, edible fruits, shoots Sorrel, French—some—makes a good soup, shade tolerant

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Woody Trees and Shrubs—

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Apple. Albemarle Pippin—few—from Charlottesville, VA Apple, Arkansas Black—some—firm, good keeper Hawthorn, NE Ohio— lots—heavy bearing, wild tree Lespedeza bicolor—few—nitrogen fixing shrub Pinenuts—lots

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Available from: Stv, Rt. 1 Box 84-A, Liberty, TN 37095 Send SASE.

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Annuals: Celosia cristata. Cockscomb some maroon, good dried flower Fennel, bronze some beautiful foliage Lamb's Quarter lots wonderful nutritious edible green Marigold lots mixed, mostly single, some striped Tithonia, Mexican Sunflower some 6'. bright orange flowers Zinnia -some- tall, mixed colors

Perennials: Belamcanda, Blackberry Lily some blackberry-like seed heads Datura, Angels trumpet some opens evenings, fragrant, perennial in zone 6 Gaillardia—lots—blooms all summer Liatris Kobold, gayfeather dwarf variety

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p r e p a r e fr u i t a n d b a k e crisp: .P r e h e a t o v e n to 4 0 0 d e g r e e s F. If u s i n g p e a c h e s , d i p t h e m i n t o b o i l i n g w a t e r for a b o u t 20 s e c o n d s . Remove using a slotted spoon and refresh under cold water; peel. Halve and pit the peeled peaches or n ec tarines. C u t i n t o t h i c k w e d g e s a n d p l a c e in a large bowl. Pit and slice plums; combine with the peaches. Add blueberries, m a p l e syrup, brown sugar, cornstarch, lemon juice, nutmeg, and ginger; toss g e n t l y to combine. Transfer the fruit mixture to a s h a l l o w 2-qt. b a king dish. Sprinkle the topping evenly over f r u i t a n d b a k e for a b o u t 40 m i n u t e s , or u n t i l the t o p p i n g is g o l d e n a n d t h e f i l l i n g is b u b b l i n g . L e t c o o l f o r a b o u t 10 m i n u t e s a n d s e r v e warm, w i t h frozen yogurt, if d e s i r e d . Greetings

hot

everyone, Serves

I h o p e all of you are d o i n g well. I hope your winter was not too bad. Thank goodness it's b e h i n d us now. All the fruit trees and b e r r i e s a r e in f u l l b l o o m n o w a n d s h o r t l y , w e ' r e g o i n g t o h a v e a lot of l u s c i o u s f r u i t to eat.

BLACK

AND

BLUEBERRY

GRUNT

DUMPLING DOUGH 1 c. a l l - p u r p o s e w h i t e f l o u r 3 T. s u g a r 1 t. b a k i n g p o w d e r 1 / 2 t. b a k i n g s o d a 1 / 8 t. s a l t 1 / 2 c. s k i m - m i l k b u t t e r m i l k 1 T. m e l t e d u n s a l t e d b u t t e r 1 T. v e g e t a b l e o i l 1 / 2 t. c i n n a m o n

I sp e n t part of my w i n t e r revamping my recipe files. W e ' r e t a l k i n g 30 y e a r s o f r e c i p e s . It w a s a job, b u t I n o w h a v e t h e m all a l p h a b e t i z e d a n d c a t e g o r i z e d a n d in t w o v e r y l a r g e v o l u m e s . In d o i n g this, I f o u n d a l o t of o l d f a v o r i t e s a n d new ideas. I've put in three great dessert r e c i p e s u s i n g all f resh f r u i t s of t h e s e a s o n lik e peaches, plums, blueberries, and blackberries. I h ope you'll g i v e t hem a try and e n j o y them.

FRUIT 1 pt. b l u e b e r r i e s 1 pt. b l a c k b e r r i e s 1 / 2 c. s u g a r 4 t. f r e s h l e m o n j u i c e pinch cinnamon pinch freshly grou n d b l ack p e pper (optional) 1 qt. n o n f a t v a n i l l a f r o z e n y o g u r t ( o p t i o n a l )

W e l l , I g u e s s t h a t ' s a b o u t it f o r n o w . I've got some g r e a t p i c k l i n g re c i p e s for s u m m e r c o m i n g up in t h e n e x t i s s u e . Take care of y o u r s e l v e s and be g o o d to each other. S o l o n g f o r now. PLUM-BERRY

CRISP

TOPPING 3 / 4 c. p a c k e d b r o w n s u g a r 3 / 4 c. r o l l e d o a t s 3 / 4 c. a l l - p u r p o s e w h i t e f l o u r 2 T. v e g e t a b l e o i l 2 t. b u t t e r 2 T. a p p l e j u i c e

To make dumpling dough: In a m i x i n g bowl, sti r t o g e t h e r f l o u r , 2 T. s u g a r , b a k i n g p o w d e r , b a k i n g soda, and salt. In a s m a l l bowl, c o m b i n e b u t t e r milk, bu t t e r , a n d oil. M a k e a w e l l in t h e c e n t e r of the dry ingredients; pour in t h e b u t t e r m i l k mixture and stir until just combined. Set aside. I n a s m a l l b o w l , c o m b i n e t h e r e m a i n i n g 1 T. s u g a r and c i n n a m o n and set aside for s p r i n k l i n g over dumplings.

FRUIT FILLING 3 ripe but firm peaches or necta r i n e s 1 - 1 / 2 lb. r i p e p u r p l e p l u m s 1 - 1 / 2 c. f r e s h b l u e b e r r i e s 1 / 4 c. m a p l e s y r u p 3 T. b r o w n s u g a r 2 T. c o r n s t a r c h 2 T. f r e s h l e m o n j u i c e 1 / 4 t. g r o u n d n u t m e g pinch ground ginger 1 qt. n o n f a t v a n i l l a f r o z e n y o g u r t ( o p t i o n a l )

To prepare fruit and cook dumplings: In an 8- or 9-inch heavy skillet or shallow flameproof casserole, combine blueberries, blackberries, s u g a r , l e m o n j u i c e , c i n n a m o n , p e p p e r , a n d 1 / 4 c. water; toss gently to combine. Cover and bring to a boil. R e d u c e heat to low and r emove cover. Drop the dumpling batter by spoonfuls evenly over the simmering fruit mixture. Sprinkle the reserved cinnamon sugar over the dumplings. C o v e r t h e p a n t i g h t l y w i t h a lid o r a l u m i n u m foil and c o o k for 15-17 minutes, or until the d u m p lings are firm to the touch. S e r v e hot, with frozen yogurt, if d e s i r e d .

To make topping: In a l a r g e b o w l , c o m b i n e b r o w n sugar, oats, a n d flour. With a p a stry c u tter or your fingertips, blend in o i l a n d b u t t e r u n t i l crumbly. Pour in a p p l e j u i c e a n d s t i r w i t h a f o r k u n t i l t h e m i x t u r e is e v e n l y m o i s t e n e d . Set aside.

Serves

Continued

on Page 22

Frosting is a case in point Frosting is basically whipped fat Rather than attempt to make this out of tofu, which has very different proper ties. chief among them the inability to incorporate air, it would be better to do away with frosting altogether and develop a new way of covering a cake that is not frosting. Glazing comes to mind a good alternative. Many tasty and good-look ing glazes can be made from all natural ingredients, such as carob (mixed with water, a liquid sweetener, and egg whites) or fruit juices and/or purees lightly sweetened and thickened appropriately with tapioca/7our (which gives a very clear result) or even agar. Fruit-based glazes have the added advantage of adding fabulous colors to cakes that, when made w ith whole grain flours, tend to be, rather uniformly, a dull brown. Per sonally, I don’t care for frosting at all. but prefer the simplicity and less bedizened look of glazing.

by Peter Baker

HI, EVERYONE! Although you will be reading this column in the Spring issue, I am writing it in January, just past the infamous “holiday season". I baked up a storm, 1300 cookies, 4 dozen fig cakes, 5 buche de noels, strufela, I don't know how many loaves of bread, and so on. I hope that you, my readers, armed with good recipes and the knowledge to make them come out right, also brought some smiles to eager faces. Truly, it does make it all worthwhile! I get a lot of pleasure imagining a friend open ing an unbidden box of cookies.... I received a late entry in the favorite recipe department. This one's from Nion who resides in Petaluma, CA. He said that it is one "of my favorite winter recipes" but I did not want to wait till the end of the year to get it out to you. ORGANIC GINGER SNAPS whole wheat pastry flour baking powder salt canola oil rice syrup maple syrup blackstrap molasses fresh ginger, grated

2 1/2 c. 1 tsp. 1/2 tsp. 1/2 c. 1/2 c. 1/4 c. 1/4 c. 3 tb.

The surface of the cake, which contains many irregularities, must First be covered with a smooth component, in order for the glaze to look at tractive. A thin layer of a smooth nut butter, made spreadable with the addition of some liquid, whip cream, smooth fruit butters, etc. are pos sibilities for that purpose. Or you could cover it with fmit and then using a transparent, fruit-based glaze. For the sides, you can be less par ticular about the smoothness of the pre-glazed cake, simply covering the glaze with coconut, ground nuts, toasted cake crumbs, and the like. You can even cover the whole cake in a similar fashion by first spreading the top and sides with something sticky. Glazes are poured on warm as most gel when cooled. The surface, if affected by this heat, must first be cooled or even frozen to prevent its distortion when glazing. Do not try to spread the glaze with an implement. You must make more glaze than you need. Hold the cake in one hand over a screen, pour the glaze all at once in the center of the cake, and tilt radically (ah, the goddess docs have mercy on my soul!) to coat the entire cake. Practice makes this better. Why even glaze? Try placing a doily over the cake and sprinkling it with sifted carob or some such ingredient.

Peel ginger first, then grate. Mix all till smooth. Drop by teaspoonsful onto an oiled cookie sheet. Bake for 10 min. Cool completely for the best snap! Thanks for that, Nion. I'm sure that many of my readers will appreci ate it for the ingredients you use, which segues perfectly into the subject of this column! Although natural foods baking is not my forte, I do have some thoughts on this subject which I would like to share with y'all, espe cially since many of my readers ask for more information thereof. Maybe this will start a dialogue. Don’t hesitate to send me your thoughts! My address is: Peter Baker P.O.Box 554

N. Y.C., N. Y. 10025

++■+ f ( | | | | | t It ■>■+I I I I t H i t -H-++-H t i t t l t f+++ For this issue, 1 will focus on suggestions regarding cakes, as wc tend to make more of them than other types of baked goods (at least I do! ). Successful natural foods baking must exploit (may the goddess have mercy on my soul) the properties of the ingredients it uses rather than simply attempting to duplicate “regular” baking. By “successful”, 1mean baked goods, and here, specifically cakes, that are tasty, reasonably ten der, visually appealing, and somewhat, or even very, special. After all, why do we eat cakes and other desserts anyway? If you want to eat natural food baked goods, you will not get the same sensations that come from regular baked goods, i.e., carob is definitely not chocolate; the rich ness and flavor of butter is not the same imparted by oil or even that abomination, margarine. One cannot use a wholly different set of ingre dients with radically different properties and expect the same results. It seems better, in my opinion, to develop another bilking ethic.

In a similar vein, you cannot substitute honey, whole wheat flour and oil for a cake that uses sugar, white cake Hour, and butter and ex pect to get a cake that's light and tender. You may recall (The Baker's Buns, Summer '93) that sugar has 2 important properties in cake baking other that its sweetness: it aids in the incorporation of air and helps the batter to spread. Honey does not have these qualities. Whole wheat flour has a sizeable amount of "dead" weight, namely bran and germ, that make it more difficult for the cake to rise. Additionally, since whole wheat is exactly that, you cannot just use the parts of the wheat berry that would lend themselves to cake baking. Oil cannot incorporate any air at all, so what you will wind up with is a dense, heavy rather gummy "cake", in quotes because I wonder whether you can call it that at all! Not my idea of dessert! 21

lastead of merely substituting, we can use ingredients skillfully that will impart sought-after qualities without compromising the foods we like to eat. For instance, part rice flour, while not able to trap air and leaven, gives a very delicate and "light" texture. Also, since it has no gluten, it will help the cake to stay tender w'lth increased mixing com mon and necessary to fully incorporate whole wheat into the batter Substituting part of the flour with nut flour will increase the shortness and richness of the cake. Be sure that the nut flour is ground so that it comes out dry, not pasty. Food processors work best. Avoid bean flours in cakes. Oat flour has one of the highest fat con tents among the grains. It can, used correctly, impart that sense of rich ness and fullness to a cake. Eggs, instead of being added whole to the wet, may be separated so that one may beat the whites, which readily trap air, and then fold them into the batter to increase the overall lightness. Strengthen the whites with cream of tartar, well sifted. From The Baker's Buns (winter '92-93), you saw that water when mixed with wheat causes gluten, a tough pro tein, to form. With that knowledge, you might be able to incorporate water-bearing ingredients last so as to minimize the development of gluten which detracts from tenderness. In a similar vein, one could rub the oil and flour together so as to coat the flour particles with fat mak ing them more resistent to the penetration of w'ater. On the subject of oil, steer clear of those with pronounced aromas (safflower, peanut, etc.) for they will come through no matter how you attempt to mask them. I find canola the best, not just nutritionally but also in terms of its neutral flavor (an oxymoron?). Lack of ingredients (and mixing procedures based on the intrinsic properties of those ingredients) that help to incorporate air into the bat ter, one could use more baking powder to compensate. The combina tion of buttermilk and baking soda produce the most tender cakes. Sub stitution of the milk or other water-bearing liquids with buttermilk and the addition of baking soda {along with the baking powder) might prove helpful. Other suggestions regarding cakes: If the recipe tends to come out heavy, make thinner layers with increased leavening. Sandwich them with fruit spread or whatever filling you like, then glaze, letting it drip dow n the sides. Instead of having a cake that is 3" tall, you go for a more torte-like product where the heaviness (and richness?) is less de tractive and more visually appealing. Get the picture?

K it C h C n Q l l 6 6 D

BERRY

WITH

CIDER

CIDER SAUCE 1 / 3 c. s u g a r o r h o n e y 1 T. c o r n s t a r c h 1 / 2 t. c i n n a m o n pinch salt 1 c. a p p l e c i d e r 1 / 4 c. f r e s h l e m o n j u i c e 1 T. g r a t e d l e m o n z e s t 1 lemon, t h i n l y sliced, s e e d e d DUFF 2 c. u n b l e a c h e d w h i t e f l o u r 4 t. b a k i n g s o d a 1 t. s a l t 1 t. g r o u n d g i n g e r 1 / 2 t. g r o u n d n u t m e g 1-1/2 p t . fresh b l a c k b e r r i e s or 2 c. s u g a r o r 1 - 1 / 2 c. h o n e y 2 large eggs plus 1 egg white 1 / 2 c. s k i m m i l k 2 t. m e l t e d u n s a l t e d b u t t e r 2 t. v e g e t a b l e o i l 1 t, f r e s h l e m o n j u i c e

SAUCE

(optional)

blueberries

To make sauce: In a heavy saucepan, whisk t o g e t h e r sugar, cornstarch, cinnamon, and salt until free of lumps. P l a c e o v e r m e d i u m h e a t and gradually whisk in cider. Bring to a boil, whisking constantly. R e d u c e h eat to m e d i u m - l o w and cook, w h i s k i n g o c c a sionally, for 4-5 minutes, or until slightly thickened. Remove fro m the h e a t a n d w h i s k in l e m o n j u i c e a n d z e s t . C o o l to lukewarm. Add lemon slices, if using. (The sauce can be prepared ahead and stored, covered, in the refrigerator for up to 1 week. Heat gently before serving.)

Or you might go for more bite sized cakes like petite fours. Using may different layers, an appealing glaze and eye catching decoration, you could be the hit of the party! All these things I mention are just thoughts, logically deduced from knowing how ingredients interact in a batter to produce a desired result. I am no longer a natural foods baker and have not extensively experi mented with it of late. 1 am just throwing out suggestions to jog your creativity. The point of all this diatribe is that the natural food baker needs to conceive and develop his own idea of what a baked good should be within reasonable guidelines of tenderness, tastiness, and visual attraction. The latter is very important: we eat with our eyes, as anyone who has ever cruised knows! Many natural foods baked goods look so unappetizing to me, brown blobs that have an unearthly density. Eye appeal get the juices going. What fashion-conscious queen doesn’t know that?? The good news is that natural food bakers are getting more savvy and sophisticated re garding those aforementioned qualities. To be continued........... HAPPY BAKING. BILLYS.

DUFF

Cont. from Page 20

To m a k e duff: P r e h e a t o v e n t o 3 5 0 d e g r e e s F. Spray a 12-cup tube pan with nonstick cooking spray and set aside. In a large bowl, stir together flour, baking powder, salt, ginger, and nutmeg. Stir in berries and sugar. In a s m a l l m i x i n g bowl, w h i s k t o g e t h e r eggs, e g g whi t e , milk, b u t t e r , oil, and lemon juice. Make a well in t h e c e n t e r o f the dry ingredients and add the egg mixture. With a r u b b e r spatula, s t i r t o g e t h e r jus t u n t i l t he dry ingredients are moistened. Do not overmix. T u r n the b a t t e r into the p r e p a r e d pan and bake u n t i l g o l d e n b r o w n a n d a t o o t h p i c k i n s e r t e d in the duff comes out clean, about 1 h o u r a n d 15 minutes. U n m o l d onto a serving p l a t e ’ and serve warm, w i t h c i d e r sauce.

Serves 22

12.

C fl« lC ,V > T V

FOR A F R ffi JnDESlGN A f r ie n d s h ip QW l t Sievien L. Berg Too often, people believe that quilting is difficult. While there are elaborate patterns for piecing fabric and then quilting the top. bottom, and middle together, it is possible for someone with little sewing ability to make a cherished quilt. Getting the Fabric Even though you can buy new fabrics for your quilts. 1 prefer to cut my pieces from scraps. Doing so makes a more colorful quilt. Scraps can be obtained from other projects, old clothes, and so forth. If you know someone who sews, it is likely that they will have a scrap bag they will share with you. If you must buy new fabric, suggest that you purchase only a quarter yard of several different fabrics. Cutting the Fabric You should cut your fabric in squares. I would suggest that the square be at least 3‘/2 by 3Vi. To making the cutting easier, you can cut a template (a fancy name for pattern) from a piece of cardboard. Place the cardboard on a piece of fabric, trace around it with a pencil or pen, and then cut the fabric pieces. Quilt shops sell rotary cutters, plastic templates, and special mats for cutting fabric. However, such supplies might not be worth the expense for someone who is just doing one or two quilts. Collecting Signatures Friendship quilts get their name, in part, because they serve the same purpose as an autograph album. They arc a way for us to collect and to preserve the signatures of family and friends.

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You should have people sign their names to the quilt squares in permanent ink. If you use larger squares, people can draw pictures or write messages for you.

Iti jiAtf like bigh ^|| o v e r t e around (''Urv/ normal people makes pie Teel cfALief ever. p0 Y«n ever tbink -Hit (uS,on y06< out with the pfople y«^ Ao Is -Hiey maXa y<r< $n\ fiUtivd/ of cour$<. Yoia io/\V5 fo<- everyth/:

Because they are small and light weight, squares can be sent through the mail to people you do not get to see regularly. Collecting squares at a gathering or some other special event might be a great way to remember it. TW <

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Sewing the Squares Together In a future article I will write about how to sew your signature squares together. I will also write about how to finish your quilt once the top is pieced.

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Blessed Be, I hope all of you made it through the winter all right. Here in the south, we had a relatively mild winter. I guess we were luckier than some. Well, spring is here and it’s time to get the summer garden planted or transplanted if you're lucky enough to have a greenhouse.

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April doesn't get rolling till the 9th when the moon will conjunct Mars. At sunset it will be below and right of Mars. As the evening pro gresses, it will move on towards conjunction. For those of you in Hawaii or the Aleutian Islands, the actual conjunction will be at 11:27 PM HALDT. A few days later on the 13th, Venus will conjunct Saturn. Venus will be the brighter one just below Saturn. The actual conjunction will be at 5:14 AM PDT for those of you on the west coast. This should be a very close conjunc tion and well worth getting up early for after all, how often do you get to see a double star? Two days later in the wee hours of the morning of the 15th there will be a partial eclipse of the moon. The beginning of the umbral phase will be visible in the western half of North America, Alaska, and Hawaii. The end will be visible in the western US, Canada, Baja California, Alaska, and Hawaii. The moon enters penumbra at 3:08 AM PDT; the umbral phase begins at 4:41 AM PDT; the middle of the eclipse occurs at 5:18 AM PDT; the moon leaves umbra at 5:56 AM PDT; and the moon leaves penumbra at 7:28 AM PDT. The evening of the 18th the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. By the time the moon rises, it will have already conjuncted Jupiter, but for those of you in Europe, the actual conjunction will be at 9:06 PM GMT. Jupiter will be below the moon. The morning of the 21st we will pass through the Lyrid meteor shower. It will peak about 5:00 AM EDT and they will be coming out of the south at a rate of 10-15 an hour. The morning of the 25th the moon will be conjuncting Saturn. The moon will be above and right of Saturn. The next morning on the 26th, it will have passed Saturn and will be between it and Venus. It should be quite spectacular with all three lined up in the early morning sky. On the 29th there will be an annular eclipse of the sun. Only the partial phase will be visible in the US and then only in Florida. Depending on what part of the state you're in, it will begin from 1:00-2:00 PM EDT and will last about 1 hour. The evening of the 30th there should be just a very faint crescent of a new moon, commonly referred to as Diana's moon. Just above and slightly right of it, you will see Mercury.

The best planting days for above-ground crops in April are 1, 2, 3, 6, 7, 8, 11, 12, 13, 14, and 30. The best days for planting below-ground crops are 16, 17, 20, 21, 24, and 25.

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June gets off to a good start with the Earth conjuncting Jupiter. This is the closest we get to it, so it's definitely the night for tele scopes. It rises at sunset and is visible all night long. The evening of the 5th the moon will be conjuncting Mars. The moon will be below and left of Mars. The evening of the 11th the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. It will be above and right of Jupiter. It will move closer as the evening waxes and will make the actual conjunc tion at 4:19 AM EDT the morning of the 12th. Just before dawn the morning of the 18th you will see Mercury conjuncting Venus. Venus will be above and right of Mercury. In the early hours of the 19th you will see the moon conjuncting Saturn. The moon will be above and right of Saturn. The morning of the 25th the faint crescent of the old moon will be conjuncting Mercury. The moon will be slightly above and right of Mercury. The next morning on the 26th if it isn't washed out by the rising sun, you'll see the moon conjuncting Venus. The moon will be below and right of Venus.

The best planting days for above-ground crops in June are 1, 2, 5, 6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 28, and 29. The best days for below-ground crops are 14, 18, 19, 22, 23, and 24.

The best planting days for above-ground crops in May are 4, 5, 9, 10, 11, 12, 13, and 31. The best days for below-ground crops are 17, 18, 21, 22, 23, 26, 27, and 28.

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Key starts off with the moon still conjuncting Mercury on the evening of the 1st but it will be above and left of Mercury. A few days later on the morning of the 4th, we will be passing through the Eta Aquarid meteor shower. This is the one that is debris from the tail of Halley's Comet. Since there .ill be no moon, it will be a great time to see the show. It will peak about 5:00 AM EOT and they will come out of the south east at a rate of 10-40 per hour. The evening of the 8th the moon will conjunct Mars. The moon will be below and right of Mars. For those of you in Hawaii and the Aleutians the actual conjunction will be at 10:03 PM HALOT. The night of the 15th the moon will conjunct Jupiter. Since this is the night after the full moon, Juoiter may be sort of washed out. It will be under the moon and the actual conjunction will be at 10:49 PM EDT. In the early morning hours of the 23rd the moon will conjunct Saturn. The actual conjunction takes place at 2:18 AM EDT with the moon being above Saturn. The morning of the 27th the moon will be conjuncting Venus. It will be just above and left of Venus. This will be a close conjunction.

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MENTALI MASTURBATION! A Letter from Jombi Womp Womp to a Friend from the Gay, Lesbian and Bisexual Studies Conference! Dearest Bred, I found the overall lack of a coherent and understandable language at the conference | very disturbing. After all, what’s the point of having a conference if no one knows what you are talking about? It appears to me that this is very much a game academics play with one i another, to further invent new and more obscure ways of newspeak and doubletalk. It distances themselves from the masses of dumbfucks they're talking down to. I felt that many of the people who attended the 1conference weren't involved in the dialogue, i The communications were cryptic, coded and 1too obscure for my humble taste.

Fn>m November 17th to 20th, ! attended a Gay, Lesbian. Bisexual and (I think) Transgender Studies Conference in Iowa City, Iowa. My primary reason for being there was to be in a Queer Art exhibit. But at the invitation of my hosts, 1 was able to attend the conference, as well. My first thought was "Great!" since I enjoy what I do, which is painting, going to new places, the thrill of meeting new people. I not only was part of the exhibition, but I also felt excited to attend a queer studies conference. Riding to Iowa City was another long, boring bus ride. Thankfully I travel with reading and writing material. Part of the way I met this charming little seven year old. His mother tried desperately to restrain his high energy, and although I am generally bothered* by kids running around, for once I wasn't particularly annoyed by this kid's activity. We talked part of the way, even though his mother was rather mortified at him for talking to a stranger or strange person. But hey, we were all on the bus, and I figured she was surprised someone was talking to her kid like he is an intelligent human being. Arriving in Iowa, Iwas met by Don Engstrom and Rick Graf, who, by the way, started this magazine you're reading 21 years ago.. They were wonderful hosts and indulged me for ten days.

While in Iowa City I had a great chance ■K to see performance artists Tim Miller and Porno £'v Afro Homos, and comedian Marga Gomez. ^jThe Pomos definitely hit a chord with me. I had never till then seen a performance that dealt primarily with the Black gay male experience in America. It is an experience I know well and can talk about, but to see it up on stage and performed with such vitality made me grateful and thankful to see. I savored every line as if I was speaking: "Oh my God, they're telling my story!"

The following day Porno Afro Homo conducted a workshop called "Unleashing the Queen." It was great fun to actually experience them up close and in color. I was pleasantly surprised to see Joan Jett Blakk, who is now performing with the Pomos. We will be hearing more from this SUPERSTAR DIVA, maybe another presidential bid, hmm? She sure couldn’t be any worse than what we've got.

After having attended various panel discussions and lectures, my overall observation, with few exceptions, was that this conference had a primarily White Gay Male agenda. It was almost like reading one of those personals: "Gay White Male. Straight acting, straight appearing: no fats or ferns." Yawn. Although I have problems with many gay people subscribing to a more straight/assimilationist lifestyle, I really take issue with that being held up as a platform for all gays and lesbians to strive for. "A place at the table" I do not want I’m not one of those self hating homosexuals who absolutely require the approval of a dysfunctional straight culture. As an individual of African descent, as well. I'm not overly-inspired to sit next to a white person at a lunch counter, or to live up to the Euro centric mindset, at the expense of the wealth of my African heritage.

On the other hand, I had the dubious luck to sit in on David Halperin's "Queer Politics of Michel Foucault." I knew something was wrong when the only words I could make Iout were AND, THE, YES and NO! Here was an individual who was consumed by his own | sense of self-importance. His one claim to fame was being Michel Foucault's lover. YAWN. Listening to him, it was clear that for him talking was an exercise in Mental Masturbation. His pomposity felt so overbearing, it brought me to the point of nausea.

Next 1 went to Lee Edelman's "Man to Man: Paradigmatic Perversity." in listening to him. I kinda understood why invading armies killed lawyers and intellectuals first. This guy seemed totally devoid of simplicity and compassion. His monologue had all the nutritional value of a bowl full of cigarette butts. I've always felt that sophisticated ideas can be communicated in uncomplicated language, that is. if you want whoever is listening to you to understand what the fuck you're talking about. Then I went to Douglas Eisner's 'The Uses and Abuses of Melodrama in James Baldwin's Giovanni's Room." i was drawn to listen to this talk since I'm very much a fan of James Baldwin's writings. However, I also found him too rhetorical, patronizing and far too academic. I would very much like to have understood him. considering the fact that Baldwin’s writing style is very to the point and matter of fact The other interesting bit of excitement came when a young African-American man pointed out the lack of Black people included in the conference and the panel discussions. To my utter amazement, the people to whom the question was directed stated that they "could not find any qualified Black gays or lesbians.” To say I was shocked and horrified upon hearing this is a gross understatement. The people who organized the conference wanted to focus primarily on Gay White Male issues, and everything else was incidental. What a cross to bear to be a gay white man in America. A point that was raised was that the word "Trans-gender" was not included in the printed conference program or newsletter. Some people on the committee felt the university wouldn't allow the conference to happen if "Trans-gender" was used. Smells like self-censorship to me.

Another point of confusion for me was the use by some lesbians of the term "Dyke Daddy." Is that a straight man with a kid who decides he wants a sex change and becomes a lesbian? These things do happen. And what ever happened to Dyke Mommies? The key is language. Language can be used to bridge gaps between people, and it can widen the gulls. Wars have been fought over words. If "language is a virus,” as William Burroughs once wnite, then what I was subjected to was some virulent strain of psycho babble that thankfully was not contagious, and luckily is usually quarantined to the isolated ivory towers of academia. After the conference and the art exhibit] the bus ride back was another long and boring affair. But, if you ever get a chance to go to Iowa City, do. It’s a very beautiful town and thel people are friendly.

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Ten pm, Tuesday night In a fit of unusual weather, it rains in San Francisco Thick drops roll down my Mission apartment window It reminds me of New York, where clouds actually mean something Nights like this are meant for a long shower, then unwinding with a glass of cheap Zinfandel and Star Trek With this purpose, I slide out of damp jeans and light a candle My image shifts in the bathroom mirror. Thirty five years have not treated kindly either my waistline or my hairline Each day I look more like my wide-jowled, pale father back in New York The same dark blue curves collapse underneath my eyes, further weighing down already low cheekbones Except for my scar and my broken nose, we are twins displaced in time When I dream at all, I dream o f insomnia, o f not sleeping, of not waking up to find that I've become the dull shadow o f a shanty Irish practical railroad worker. The door rattles with a heavy knocking Phydeau barks, and my pulse wobbles Still I fear late night visitors But grabbing, my blue bathrobe and my false bravado, I grip the knob, "You had better be good looking if you are knocking on my door this late." "It's Bill." In that anonymous baritone The door opens, and the rain silhouettes him, motionless, his shoulders broad, his hips firm He has all the equipment o f a stud, with none of the aplomb. His awkward arms rush in with that bear hug greeting we have compromised with I reply by with cautious arms own around Bill's ribs. The sharp edge of a crucifix nicks my neck. Bill grips me tighter and 1 smell a jog in the rain. Five miles at least. Mr. Compulsive. Trying not think of those thighs, T dance my legs backward. Bill mumbles, "Couldja watch Wolf for me tomorrow?" "Certainly, but only if he promises to keep his paws off Phydeau. Going somewhere?" "LA " "Hot date? Ah, to be young and single." "Mickey was arrested yesterday." "Your brother?" I use my surprise to pull out of the hug. Bill nods, "Drunk driving." "Serious?" "He hit someone." "Oh, Bill, I'm sorry." "Yeah," Bill leans against the door frame, not coming to rest, still jogging in his head "In a way, I'm glad He's, you know, pretty screwed up for a kid " "Which is remarkable, considering how adjusted you are." I have a minor crush on Bill No win scenarios fascinate me My moods are glacial, and I can see far in the distance the victim l will become Except for bucked teeth. Bill is very pretty, or perhaps well constructed would be a better term He works hard at his looks Five miles a day, three days at the gym and a monthly trip to the J C Penney beauty salon in order to achieve that natural sun-bleached blonde Except for straight teeth, I am not pretty. A weak chin and a large appetite make me a poor candidate for affairs. Besides, I never did get very good at sex Usually, 1 try too hard, I guess to make up for my how shall we say "shortcomings."

When we met, during Phydeau's last heat, I assumed that flattery would win my way into Bill's extra large BVDs. To compensate for my looks, my gene pool has given me a surfeit of charm and a way of telling a story just like Paddy did. But Bill resists my shanty Irish ghost stories, smiles at my limericks, but never laughs outright. Instinct tells me that Bill is resisting me just because I am what he wants. How had Bill gotten to be the sort of man who enjoyed not enjoying himself? To my knowledge. Bill had slept with less than five men in his thirty one years. I am no quitter, however. Somewhere between Bill's intrigue and my affability the tension pulls us together. We're stalling, making excuses about lovers and careers. This sex will happen for no other reason than Bill is bad for me. He is so pretty that I will always want him a little more than he wants me. We will one day sleep together because we are both damaged, him by some secret that will unfold forever and me by an act which scarred me since the days I thought I was butch. "Are you okay?" I ask, "Do you want to go for a drive maybe?" Bill nods again and so I hustle into the bathroom, and splash myself with Armani, Bill's favorite cologne. I gargle, fuss with the remains o f my hair and put on dry 501 's, a button down shirt and Doc Martin's. Bill has his car running. I throw the empty Diet Coke bottles into the back seat. Bill coughs to remind me to buckle up. "What's up9" The windshield wipers shuffle moisture across the glass, "I need to talk to someone. You're elected," Bill shifts into second as we pass a row of Victorian houses, dark mauve against the rain and street lights. "He got picked up by a patrolman. And this time, he's like, you know, in real trouble. Not even Dad could help. Mickey's been doing serious shit for a couple years now." 32

With my best pop psychology, "This is his concern You have no responsibility " "It’s my fault " "It's not your fault " "Either mine or Dad’s" The car slides past the Castro Theater, lit up in pink neon against the drizzle "He’s got a three year old, so while he's in jail, I said I’d w atch him But Mickey blew up He told Mom that he’d rather put the kid in a home " He shifts to third, and the red and green streetlights flow by "Why is that9" I am half paying attention to Bill and half trying to figure out where in hell we are going. This town still confuses me New York streets, like New Yorkers, follows rules A perfect grid, one number after another Streets collide here for no reason, then separate up and down hills. "The thing is, I think he might've told Mom, which means that Dad knows. That sunovabitch " "Knows what9" Silence does not answer me We pass a church on the right, backlit in halogen light and mist. Trees float by on the left. Golden Gate Park. Then the ocean. Bill parks in a lot near the Cliff House, the most hideous tourist attraction in the state. If you ever visit San Francisco, skip the tour bus to the Cliff House. It is an ugly metal and brick rectangle built on top of a building which burnt down decades ago, next to some baths From the ocean side, you can look out on tw'o or three rocks in the ocean on which seals sometimes fornicate Bill gets out, not locking the door behind him. But I lock mine anyway. The lack of rules in California appalls me In New York, one locks up what one wants to keep. Simple. But Bill just strides away. In these past few weeks I’ve noticed that he walks like a straight man, throwing his weight up and forward with each step. Me, I have that mince which I acquired as a souvenir of my passage out of the closet, that sashay forward which accompanies my high nasal voice. Bill leads me into the grey, not arm in arm, but touching. The wind throws cold mist. I shiver, cursing myself for not wearing a coat. Clouds bump against the sea and collide with the tacky restaurant. We descend an outdoor cement staircase onto a balcony, and look out onto the beach. As I breathe in, the Pacific tastes wilder and more bitter than the Atlantic. The Seal Rock rolls in and out, like a ghost, or a kid playing peekaboo. Bill’s rubber soles squeak against the concrete, screeching against the silent rain. The water rolls by until 1 can bear the lack of small talk no more. "This place reminds me of the opening scene in Mildred Pierce, where Joan Crawford walks all those shoulders out to the pier. Except (I manage my most theatrical sightjl don’t have a chinchilla coat. Or a pistol." Bill winces. "Dad had a gun. He was a cop, you know. Whenever one of us acted up, he'd pat the holster and smile." "You are kidding." "No. He only ever once pulled it out, telling me, 'Boy, you need more than a spanking.' For a second I really thought that he was going to kill me. You know, I don't even remember what I did to piss him off." "Me, I've only ever wanted a gun once." "When you were, uh-" "Fucked is the technical term. Let's take the mystery out of it I was beaten up by six teenager who took turns playing plow the faggot Then they crushed the bridge of my nose It has done wonders for my self esteem " I've hurt him, which 1 meant to do. This is my one mystery, and yet 1 will accept neither his sympathy nor his horror He wants to own my mystery, so that he can start sharing his own bitter secret without guilt. Shivering, "Let’s go back to the car." Bill's hand glides near, but does not touch as we return to the black Celica As he unlocks my door, he begins again, "You think of me as such a goody-goody." "Because you will not sleep with me."

"Everybody thinks I’m so nice I always do what's right Except for this " A foghorn moans across the bay "So Mom wants me to come down there, and she doesn't understand my side of the story It was once a beautiful thing " "What is this deep, dark story9" My thin patience growing transparent My shirt feels damp The wet denim feels itchy against the vinyl seat "It didn't begin in darkness You haveta understand It began in sunlight " Behind Bill, the damp light from a street post outlines his pointed nose His curly hair soaks up the orange glow His eyes have become slick black hollows which made him look sexy Or threatening "It was in me and Mickey’s bathroom, even though Mom did the whole thing in pink tile and white swans " Between words. Bill chews his fingernails With each click of Bill's teeth I flinch. "We didn't have our own bathroom " I co u n ter," Believe it or not, we once had an outhouse " "To this day when I smell bleach l think of that room " His story takes on momentum He has decided that I will know, and he will not let me escape "I w'as eleven at the time. 1 pulled my underwear down around my knees and knelt dow n 1 don't know To shock him, I guess. He was three then But he ran up and hugged me It felt good " M otionless I sit in the bucket seat, unsure o f what Bill wants Absolution9 I clench the back of my legs, binding myself to the car and the story, like watching a Hitchcock film My rib jabs against the door handle. "Dad worked a lot of nights, and Mom went to PTA meetings and stuff. They were gone a lot Mom'd leave me to baby sit Mickey." Each word labors out of his mouth " We sat on the old plaid couch, eating chips or popcorn As we watched The Waltons, 1 held Mickey in my lap. One night, rocking him back and forth and watching John-Boy, I got hard." A headlight from a passing car lights up the interior for just a second, like lightning The Cliff House looks like Manderlay. The car grow smaller, squeezing me in

Bill answered,"I don't know when, but I remember why We'd gone into the hailway I closed all the doors and turned off the lights It was about as dark as we ever saw I had to grope for him I took off his pants and underwear, and pressed his face against the carpet Then I laid on top o f him, my dick against his butt I rubbed and rubbed and suddenly I came For the first time Mickey squirmed to get out from under me I rolled off'and he ran to the door As it opened, I could see that he looked back at me kind of scared " Bill clutches my fingers I gasp for my own air, but it no longer tastes like ocean It has become gasoline and exhaust He continues, "I chased him, from out of the darkness. He ran up the stairs I caught him in the bedroom and threw him against the bed He had rug burns up and down his legs He screamed, 'You're just like Dad '" The dark hollow-s of his eyes glisten, and I swallow back tears and phlegm "I didn't-sleep with anyone for ten years. Maybe to get rid of the guilt. And now he probably told Mom. Which means that sonuvabitch knows." The pulse between Bill's thumb and index finger throbs, pressed against my own palm I feel slick sweat In the distance, a gull shrieks. "I'm scared, Nicky." I pull my other hand inside the car. All at once, the fog engulfs us. In the shadows, Bill leans towards me. I hear Stanley Kowalksi mumbling, "Baby, we've had this date from the beginning." In the back of my head, I vow that with my next partner, I will not become a victim But for now, I close my eyes and kiss.

Wf+H

Grabbing his fingers on yet another trip to his mouth, I say, "So9 It is called puberty, my d e a r" "Well, he used to like it at first. I figured that Mickey needed, you know, the affection like I did Dad treated us like dirt We used to go out to this restaurant on the beach, once a month or so And I always ordered the hamburger or the sirloin steak, because it was the cheapest thing on the menu But not Mickey. Even as a little kid, he ordered Salmon or Scallops And then he wouldn't like it. Dad whacked him on the side of the head, saying, 'See, I toldja ya didn't like that .’ I hated to watch I deserved what I got from Dad But not Mickey." The heat tightens. With a loud squeak, I roll down the window, breathe in the rain like salvation "It sounds like your father is the one with problems. Boy, are you lucky You can blame all of your faults on your family Not me I come from a highly functional family. Just boring. No booze, no daigs Makes me jealous when everyone else gets to go to AA meetings." I le shut his eyes to tell me that I have missed the point. "I never minded what he did to me But I went crazy when I saw him spank Mickey " A gust beats water against the roof of the car I reached outside, grasping for the drops "Mickey and I used to lie naked together on the couch, me rubbing him Then, one day, I licked him on the dick It was so small and beautiful I asked him to kiss mine, but he wouldn't." "What did he say?" "I don't remember. I don't remember a lot But he didn't want to." Bill turns from the windshield and stares, angry at me for asking the wrong question "It hurt 1 thought that we were sharing something But he wouldn't give back, so I started,taking. I used to threaten him, 'Don't tell anyone We could get in trouble "' "When did it end?" In this stufi'y little car, I want an ending. I want the story to stop I want to jump out of the car I want to still like Bill Most of all, I want not to want him

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C > Q ^ O i s Not a G a d g e t Robert Trent "Henry. stop yakking," blasts the intercom. What comes through is a solemn voice, an imposing, no-nonsense voice. Henry ’s a ditz and tor most of today he has certainly been yakking. “Oh. it's a sensible thing to do. isn't it'1” he says, turns aamnd while standing in place, not going out. not facing in. He seems stuck. "Go on. Henry," says Lee. "1 don’t want you to get tired." Henry spins around again, then rushes out of the little room as if someone has finally released his spring. "Henry!" pierces its way to us from the front desk. 'He’s cute, but he's really wound up today," Lee tells me. "I thought he was beginning to calm down.” He frowns, he smiles."Henry's so hyper," he says. 1 can hardly disagree. Hyper Henry' leads a new man into the room. He stands in front of locker thirty-two and opens it for the newcomer —a heavy-browed, heavy-set Wall Street type who seems slightly annoyed to see us staring at him. Henry hands him a towel. "It's raining today," he tells the man. Who says "uh, yeah,” hands Henry a dollar and begins to undress. "The weather's "really changeable/ says Henry', talking to the man but looking at me. Henry is twenty three or thirty one, or maybe eleven. He’s cute, he's strange. Worse, he's painfully good-natured, a reproach to the world's narcissism. Some of us have wondered if he is Mexican or Incan. Is he, perhaps. Puerto Rican? When someone asks him. he demurs, says he isn’t sure. He sits down next to me by the table in the lounge. I take a sip of coffee, I adjust my towel. "But if it isn't sensible," he says, trying out his favorite new- adjective, "I won't use the thing." Henry proceeds to describe again the thrill he felt when he saw some California pom person place his cock in a vacuum pump to make it thicker." It was hanging there so beautifully," he enthuses. "In the film, I mean." The new man has stopped undressing. He looks over at Henry, pulls off his boxer shorts and throws his towel around him. Madonna croons to us through the speakers that she'll catch up with us. The new man has a hairy back. He says "Hmmmm" and heads for the shower. Henry continues to sit, patiently for him. He wants our advice. "Don't use that thing," says Lee, shaking his head. "You could cause gangrene or something. They'd have to cut your cock off, Henry." With which Lee rubs up against Henry' and tries an awkward, because resisted, embrace. "I knew this guy in the 59th street tea room," Lee says. "You could pop a vein," says Henry. I feel it is time to intervene in a serious way. "Henry." I begin. "A month after you start using the vacuum pump, you'll discover that it takes twice as long to come, and when you pee," I fix him with my mesmerizing,

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ironic sexual hunger. I can relate to that. I'm not sure I can relate, though, to Lee's philosophical manner - it smells of delusion. "I do the tea rooms at Brooklyn Bridge and Chambers Street," he says. "I cruise the park, then I come here, read my paper. I check out my investments, I hope to pick up something nice along the way." Lee smiles to recall; "Some Korean kid rubbed up against me on the 1RT this morning. It was rush hour, so nobody noticed. Oooh," Lee purrs, "he felt so good." He gyrates in place, then moves over to lean against the sink before which he stands -lord of what he surveys. "A lot of guys are dropping dead.” he says casually. "The rest of us are a little older.maybe." Pause.'T figure I've got about ten years left to do this stuff . " I figure I've got about ten minutes left to do this stuff. I examine myself in the wall-rhirTor next to the sauna. A Bartlett pear -- six feet tall and covered with quotations — looks back at me. daring me to continue living. Maybe if I talk to it. "I'm kind of out of shape." I tell Lee who waves away such morbid thinking. He says. "You have a lotta years left." Actually. I'm forty-six and I remember plainly that when I was thirtysix, I firmly decided that I would never go to the baths after turning forty Now I'm trying for fifty. "I like shredded wheat." I tell the mirror. "I like chocolate bars. I like skinny boys with big dicks." I can see Lee in the mirror. At "skinny boys with big dicks," he nods encouragingly. "I like money." I add. "I like skinny boys with big dicks who like money." Disco plays relentlessly through the afternoon. It's late '70's time-waip on the sound system, now briefly interrupted (how else to silence Donna Summer?) by the cry of "Henry!" from the boss. Lee and I do the inevitable turn. We’re always eager to see what newcomer, what package of skin, bone, muscle and blood has decided to share his afternoon with us. "Ah," says Lee, "Not for me." The person checking in, that is. Lee likes cute Orientals (do they defer?), and almost anyone young with a smile or a need for guidance. This (the new guy) is very tall, skinny, wears glasses and looks generally like sex personified. I head for the stairs. Lee says, "Where are you going?" I answer nothing to this. I know he knows where I'm going. I run up the flight of carpeted stairs and turn left onto a hall occupied by a row of wooden doors. I open one, step inside, pull the door shut behind me and lie down on the mattress. I begin gently masturbating ”1 must prepare my secret weapon," I confide to the dust motes floating in the air around me. I think of Tab Hunter, boyish and squeaky-voiced in "Island of Desire." I think of a black kid with shiny nipples, shirtless in the booth on Times Square. I think of some deranged gas station attendant I boffed in New Jersey. And soon, oh. marvelous soon! The erection is mine to hold and display. I open the door, run back downstairs (1 hold my towel, I don't wear my towel) and I saunter with affected calm past the new boy who's showing his ass to the locker room. He looks around, sees me, smiles and pushes his posterior out far enough so that the tip of me touches the rear of him. He's skinny, but it's a great, full ass. This contact, albeit brief, is bliss. Glorious, in fact (anticipation is all). But the boy tromps upstairs without inviting me along. Henry, stop yakking. He's been standing in the doorway, watching my scene with his mouth open and a grin of serious approval on his hot little face. Lee is somewhere else, thank the gods. Naturally, I go upstairs in search of the flirtatious, lanky Yankee. Though he does smile at me, he doesn't seem ready to settle down (how annoying, as he peers into rooms and faces) and commit himself to a little boom boom. What, I wonder, is he looking for?

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medical stare."fluid will just dribble out. Little dribs and drabs." I pause suggestively. "You'll take ten minutes to pee." "Ohhhhh," says Henry, clutching his forehead and pretending to take me seriously. I know he's faking. Within an hour Henry will start up the discussion again, this time with some stranger who does not know that Henry has already been warned about the pitfalls inherent in cock enlargers. Henry has time on his hands now. The baths endure a lull between two and five o'clock (We are at the baths; I thought you knew.) The busy times are lunch and early evenings. This is a 'day' baths and closes at night. Only the most fervent bath addicts - Lee and I are two of these actually stay through both shifts and the hiatus between them. Lee knows everybody at this place. He makes chit chat, pats boys on the rump. He's an adviser, a mentor, a pederast and a perpetual friend. "I hope Henry leams to focus his attention and slow down," he tells me. "He's cute, but I don't want him physically." Lee also lies. 35

Mutt and Jeff head for a cubicle. On the other hand, am I such a bargain? Du my eyes bum with a hard, I am gracious. I am sad. I go downstairs vet again. For the first time gemlike flame? Basically, I'm a good thirty seconds (for that fleeting joy this week. I'm envious of Richard and Lee. 'fhey do not need the skinny known as homo erectus) then back to getting fatter, older and duller by flirt who so plainly does not need me. Being gay has always meant a the minute. simple thing: chase the best or don't play at all. I'm ever the Platonist. I have too much body hair. never participating in less than an ideal love. So I stroke "it’ some more and show it to him He grins at me, says, The baths is a poignant anachronism, as I am. I'm too old for it and “Didn't your mother tell you not to jerk that thing in front of other Plague has depopulated it This little clubhouse in the financial district is a people?* remnant, like a living fossil fish or a hula hoop. "That's why I do it." I tell him. He doesn't seem to be slowing down Lee is a voyeur, getting old doesn’t defeat him. Richard, on the other much, so I put my towel back on and head downstairs. hand, is someone I simply don't get. The baths is his consolation prize Someone has joined Lee on the bench next to the sauna. Lee is giving I'm not sure what he gave up to get here. As I begin to dress by my the newcomer a backrub. "Oh. Richard," he says. "What’s this? A locker, I notice that the music has changed. The Volumes sing "I Love pimple?" Richard, too, is a regular You” followed by Rosie and the Originals doing "Angel Baby" and the here. At Lee s question, his eyes pop Five Satins with the immortal ’’Still of the Night." If I had succeeded with open, he shakes his mane of black hair, Lanky Yankee, I might actually feel that these songs in some way apply to grits his teeth and growls at Lee. “Don't IS NOW POSSBUE... AND Q I me. Three Asians and several men who are hairier than I am are getting criticize my back, darling," he says. IT’S GUARANTEED! dressed near me. "Just knead the damn thing, will you?" N O MATTER WHAT SIZE YOU ARE Day is dying in the breast. He sees me, smiles grimly. "Robert," he NOW...YOU WILL GAIN UP TO 4 "You coming back Friday?" Lee is disappointed that I'm quitting so says, "You're looking even younger INCHES. NOT IN 6 WEEKS... BUT soon. If I stay, my addiction will help ratify his. than I remember. How do you do WITHIN 46 H O U R S ...A N D IT'S On go the shirt, the sweater. I slip into the shoes and walk around in that?" GUARANTEED! them, getting used to being dressed again. Is he serious? “A diet of apple Thai s right1 It you are 6 inches when ere d we lo n ge r guarantee to make your ^ems up to 4 hielees It "Oh. Bob," coos Henry."I love that green in your sweater. It's sauce, scrambled eggs and fellatio," I also thicker and firmer Vou no longer need pills, traditional. It's...." He's in agony, words failing him again. Finally, he tell him. Somehow I think we won't be drugs or weights The T E N S O R is thesim ple. natu ral way to prostheticatly increase your penis to smiles. "It's like Spring!" he crows. discussing the gradual disappearance it's maximum dimensions It will also help con "Glad you like it, sport," I say, winking at him and trying —as always -trol premature ejaculation The T E N S O R does all of the god-image in twentieth-century this and we G U A R A N T E E if l Now being sold exclu to be cooler than the captain of the lacrosse team. dream narratives -- not today we won't. sively by mail The itgular price is $19 96 O nly $ Q "Friday is strip show day," I tell Lee, and in a second I'm happy again. "Did the studio let you go for the Special Customized Heavy Outy Model I mean: the dancers at Boystown can look as good as lanky-cww-glasses . afternoon?" I ask him. Richard only $9 95 And, buddy, if you’ve got fifty dollars, the party is yours. screams and slaps my arm. I drop my towel in the bin by "They told me to get a massage," he says, and glares back at Lee. the front desk, hand my key to the "They told me to learn my lines. That's why I hang out here. It gives me boss and go over to wait for the E n tity time to concentrate in peace." elevator. "Do you think l should "Not me, baby," I tell him. see a doctor?" Henry has followed Lee smiles. "Richard gets jealous if I pay attention to anyone else while me out. he's here," he says. "He wants his massage. Does baby want his massage?" "A urologist?" I say, "Just rub, fuck face,” says Richard, rolling his eyes. remembering his interest in cock Henry flashes past us wearing a fur hat with a raccoon tail —we've Z enlargers. never seen this before. Henry's chatting in his usual breathless way with • "Not that," he says, looking the newcomer to whom he hands a towel and a key. "I'm going to make a (D c down. ”1 have this visual sense of video of 'Leave it to Beaver’ re-runs and Ipana commercials from the things," he says."But I can't," he fifties." he tells the man, "Very high tech." he adds, to clarify. "Hey, there," 3 pauses again. "I can't concentrate. 1 he says, waving to me as if he hasn't seen me for a year. TJ can’t focus my attention." "Hey, Henry," I say. He runs over. ® "You lack a leading idea, a "Did you see that guy upstairs?" he says. "Substantial, that's for sure." 3 major theme," I say and "You mean the tall guy with glasses?" I say. </»' immediately hate the pomposity of "Uh-huh. A sensible penis," he says. > it. "What about my sensible penis?" I say. knowing it's time to go upstairs d "Maybe I should talk to a again. If the other guy is doing it too, I see a chance to play one of my psychiatrist," he says glumly. favorite games: duelling banjos. o I tell him, "It might help you to I^anky Yankee is sitting on a bench watching the video screen on the talk to someone who gets where far wall. \ know that if / turn to look at the video, I will promptly turn to Q) you're coming from. There are stone or -- what is surely worse -- to flesh and blood ("Hello, Los “Co 0 people who can understand you, Angeles? Do you have the phone number of a pom star named Lon Henry," 1 say. 3 Stretch?") Though Yankee wears his towel in the technically correct CD His response is to hug me. manner (folded over to look like hot pants, natch: see ya at the club baths, CD Which shocks me. I'm never Q. sweetie), his secret weapon is no secret. Its head peeps out -- bulbous, CD good when people are so helpless, heavy and lovely —from the hem of the towel. I see the two large, low Q. so good-natured. Tears flood my hangers that promise... face. I have to hold Henry a Friends, forgive me -- I'll fade the Falcon baichure. I show him mine second before I try to speak again. again. He says, "It’s great, guy, but I'm just hanging out for a while." "Henry," I finally say, "You are "You certainly are," I say, looking at his towel. And the tall shit laughs. young and cute. And, from what He laughs, the merry killer, and I realize for sure that I'm not going to get I’ve seen of you. you definitely him off the goddamn bench. don't need a cock enlarger. Looks Years of compulsion, rejection, lust and religious need have taught me, may not be enough for a good if not grace, then at least an awareness of truth. Truth says: go downstairs. life.” I pause," But they certainly Re-think it. Have a snow cone. help." Lee says,"Did ya get that guy. Robert?" I'm a traitor, a bounder, a "Not yet." I say grimly. "Maybe never." cruiser. I do not stay with Henry. il's sake, Robert," says Richard."You're the top of the mountain, When it comes, I get on the he guy probably isn't worth your left to e ." _____ —— —------ \ elevator. The door closes in front ay, quite done with *______ ——------- ^rTTfuciATlSFlED? D °\ of his startled face -- the last thing of the baths that I see. Henry looks to me. of all people, to tell him what his life ought to be. --------I bow low, By the time I hit Broadway —thsinlrino him fttr thanking him for cisuch homage again. I'm back to basics, asking "But I would love to suck his left toe, may I at l< the big one. folks: Where can I get ’Hi*!! laid with a vengeance? Lee continues Richard's massage. Henry runs back and forth more Henry, stop yakking. Please, often now because the place is getting crowded. 1 run upstairs, just in case. stop. To my shock, lanky Yankee is smiling at somebody: a short, hairy brunet who has. perhaps, a smidgen of sex appeal. He's a sort of gorilla-yuppie.

10INC)PENIS,

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DISTRESSED IMAGES The S h o r t M o u n ta i n Photographs of

BEN FINK Ben Fink, thirtysomething GVVV1 native of Baltimore, has lived in Memphis for the past dozen years or so in foil pursuit of his artistic dream: a vision of masculine desire infused with mysticism and spirituality. Chaste, stark and stylized, or corroded and overcome by a lush, steamy decadence, l ink's large-scale monochrome photographs share a grand theatricality, and a studied sense of presentation which is richly seductive, confrontational and often disturbing. The subjects themselves—of ever-so-stylish club kids, seriously hutch leathermen, hods artists and fetishists, the young, the hung and the beautiful in general, the exotic and extreme, and almost anyone on the edge of experience—are truly the stuff of dreams, wet or otherwise; and like dreams themselves, are often symbolic of the waking world Filtered through the veil of fantasy, of longing and desire. Here personal mythology manifests and sustains itself though the very act of self-creation. If the unofficially recognized International Drag Anthem is Jerry Herman's epic, "I Am What l Am," then Fink's personal (re)vision—and, indeed that of his best, most commanding images-would lie "I Am What I Say l Am . . . At Least for Now." This philosophical hybrid of Descartes by way of Broadway (with a passing prayer to Saint Camille and a good old Bronx Cheer to Bruce Bawer) celebrates the chaos of identity in all its wild, mutable glory. The Word is made flesh-and that flesh is by turns as tender and delectable as a newborn lamb, or as tough and tangy as a randy old goat.. LI) Beghtol LD Beghtol is an artist and curator who often collaborates with Ben f-ink. He lives in Memphis and writes art and design criticism for The Memphis Flyer.

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D I S T R E S S E D

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D I S T R E S S E D

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I M A G E S

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D I S T R E S S E D

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D I S T R E S S E D

I M A G E S

a day of rockwall-building-finding the stone; hauling the stone; mixing the soil with the gravel and peatmoss; finding just the right plants to fit in between the stones; fitting it all together in just the nght configuration-is far more satisfying than any hundred orgasms I've ever had. Which doesn't make very good one-handed reading for you. dear readers; but it has had the unexpected side-effect of giving me biceps, triceps & pecs like 1 never had when I was jerking off on-stage nightly. Building a wall inevitable gives you something in return. Sex. even the best sex. always tends to leave you nght back where you started, possibly somewhat less motivated than before. Do I sound like I've renounced sex. like it is now anathema to me? I'd hate to give that impression. To some extent, it's renounced me: my libido is much less controlling than it once was (1 attribute this, variously, to AIDS, to age. to isolation, or to over stimulation), and I spend much less of my time in pursuit of dick to suck. Half a dozen times in the past year. I've gone out looking for it; several times. I've found it. But it doesn't quite satisfy me in the wav it once did. (At least, I think it once did . . . ) Still, 1 know 1 will continue my sporadic night time (or daytime) searches, when the mood strikes, and the chase, at least, will still be as thrilling as it always was. Now there's something that really compares to the joy of joining stone to stone: following, or being followed by, a man into the bushes. Lurking and lolling, luring, licking my lips-and leaving. The satisfaction of being unsatisfied is a greater and more predictable pleasure, by far, than the dreary business of consummation. And knowing that men desire me, and will continue to desire me. is a greater thrill than letting them demonstrate to me the depths of that desire. Long live Perversity!

I wrote in this space three years ago about Rockwalls and Sex. At least, that was the title of the piece. Some people claimed I was being duplicitous and misleading, luring people into the article with the Sex, and then talking about nothing but Rockwalls. I plead No Contest. As I said then. I repeat now; if you can't see the sex in building rockwalls, you're missing the point of the article. Three years has definitely made a difference in how I view it, however. For one thing, as an indirect result of writing that piece, I now have a partner who helps me with the larger stones. Occasionally, in return. I help him get his nut. He's lived with me for over a year, at the time of this writing, and while I don't pretend to know the future (as Petruchio says. "When I said I would die a bachelor. I did not think I would live till I were married!"), it's quite possible he'll be here for a number of years to come. Our relationship can be boiled down to the essence, again, of Rockwalls and Sex: we've each taught the other a good deal about each subject, but what it ultimately comes down to is that I like building walls, he likes sex. Is this a good foundation for a relationship, I ask you? I have a reputation to uphold, you know': everyone who know's me, knows me as Dean of the Literate Pornstars (it’s not a large school, I adm it)-as a tireless defender of sex in all its forms and permutations-as Sir Iancelot of the Lewd. I like the reputation. I do my best to keep it going, with my writing and with the occasional photo shoot. (It’s amazing how effectively a few snapshots, judiciously distributed, can create and/or perpetuate a myth. Okay, so I still occasionally suck myself off. shave my crotch, or stick cucumbers up my butt. When there’s no camera there to record it, I have to say, such games bore me. But I do like knowing that Journalist X in San Francisco is spreading rumors about my Den of Iniquity here in Wisconsin. It reaffirms my faith in human nature. ["There is comfort in the fact men are basically depraved." -Tenderloinf) But all in all, I've come to the conclusion that 43

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too scared to jump oft the high dive. The kind of boy that everyone encouraged to close his eyes and jump... just jump, then watched him climb b i k down the ladder. Those people, so encouraging, the ones who never even get their hair wet. Td dive through ice if only he'd push me. Or better yet if he'd ride on my back while I descend.

Bryan Burch The muffled bawl of the vacuum announces his final ritual toward tunning out the light. Hell disappear one last time - - 1 know because I've watched this before then the store will go dark. As dark as the pit of my belly. This is my confirmation, the moment in which I choose. Will I step down onto the sidewalk to precede him home. Him following me unknowing that I'm leading him there. Him just steps behind me, sometimes catching up to my side in time for me to turn off down into a crowd then circle back around to track him. Or do I, coyote like, follow tonight? Follow wherever he goes.

I’ve stood here in this maroon hiding place for thirty-six hours over thirty-six nights. Every moment Fixed on watching him. This was my bed last night and here I stand again, tonight. I've come to this spot ever since I discovered him and his heavy, graceful, tomato can hands caressing the countertop, wrapping heavily around one another, easily holding each otheFs weight. I stand and imagine them spanning basketballs or holding one niece each in both of them as I'd like them to encompass me. They've drawn me back and back again these thirty-six nights to my sentinel post on the stairs across the street. Each night to wait and watch them. Lover like.

My heart is drumming to a honky-tonk, voodoo sound very much unlike love. Father, Mother, how did I get this way? I shop for men in Safeway stores. I look for miracles in every man's eye unlike my own. If only I could see through skin and hair to warm light filling up inside. If only heart to heart, DNA and I could start a conversation I’d snip out this embarrassing inheritance; I'd crush the cruelty into powder tonight and sleep in peace for once.

The neon light is dark pink and the store next door a thick blue. I stand mixed in pink and blue feeling marooned like the only sober soldier guarding camp with the dying embers of a chilly night. Does the soldier feel the eyes of the wolf, or feel the horses stamp and rustle as a mountain lion glides by? Does the drowsy soldier feel the fire dying or suddenly shiver to embers, wishing to be warm? Can my dark dream feel me wanting him? If I went into his store again would he know me? Would he remember me?

If this instant I stopped in my tracks he’d slam into my back. If in this step I turned on my heels - not to run but to confront - he'd face my face. If I could only side step my apprehension I would turn and hello him down. But as each step taken passes he remains my shadow. He heels at my right and behind on my starboard side. I captain him along the busy street but it's him who pilots my rudder. He desired me once, I think, perhaps he would again. If I stopped him maybe he'd hold my hand as he did thirty-seven long ago nights.

Each night at nine-forty-five I watch and count the last minute race of patrons. He counters their shy or slyness with a big man's smiling grace. He smiles, easily dropping change into his customer's open palms; wimpy ones in comparison to his. He meets their eye; gathers up their bags. They smile back and go. The door slams. The chilly gleam from the window shakes my courage. 1 steel my wobbly self behind the stoop where I stand. As the door whacks the jamb I see myself quivering inside and then again, broken for only a moment, my reflection off the street side floats me between the rotating racks. Customers pass through me selecting greeting cards and soft erotica. We float inside each other, meld into intimates, then drift apart to disunite. Across the street on the sidewalk I’m standing across the room from the tall, black man. This tall, black man in the bookstore caressing the counter top, looking through me, unaware, smiles into the nights of my eyes. "Hello there, what can I do for you?", his words, full ear-drops of warm alarm. They taste like hard candy sounds, while goose flesh honks my arm. 1 turn to go. The heavy in my stomach turns me back to stay. I obey. How did I ever get this way? These nights are my religion, standing here watching this mythic man in the magazine store. Do you think he could remember me? I've been inside his store. He met me with his strong and rather tender hello. He wanted me - or someone like me - that I know. The time I went inside his store he smiled and offered me his hand. He wanted me in such a way I could feel his stomach lurching but he spoke so warm and easy. His smile seemed to start way back in his head behind his cheeks and as he stepped from behind the display case his teeth seemed to ring out 'let me get close to you’. Putting my hand in his he lay his other one on top of mine embracing me all the way down to my wrist. He'd have swallowed me through his palms, if he could. He was comfortable but not passive; he was so big I just looked up and up at him. My arm went numb then to needles and pins. Not from pain but fury. I wanted to say something like yes or thank you but my mind was dry and nothing would come. I wanted to let him stand there embracing my hand until the moon rose over Baghdad. I wanted to pull him over me like a cloak or a parachute and jump with both feet into the stratosphere. I wanted to hear more words bleary w ith bitter orange and sweetness. I wanted to slip behind a shadow where no one could see me wanting and let his fingers hold the wrench in my stomach until it melted into marmalade. I wanted to roast in his romance, his sureness, his command. I wanted to black out so he could revive me with the beaming of his raven colored cheeks pushed higher with me smile of a true, true Tar/an.

My man, my man of the tall, black hands turns and takes the horrid, familiar unknown path. Inside my inner hyena howls. My beast, my venerable man, doesn't always sleep at home, while I, lap dog like, pussyfoot around a bold hello. I stop, I stand, I seize the hatred in every comer of myself and hurl it down the block to knock him down in his tracks. I am the hunter, the Nairobi, the Massai, the Dutchman who sold you away from your history. I've heard the music and danced to your drum beat; I've studied your story in books on the subject. And while I thought it would bring us closer together all it has got me is pathetic with guilt. Don't you see you're following me. I'm trailing you down these alleys of my misbehaving heart. If you leave me now I'll hate you full and hard until the thirty-seventh evening starts and I, lover like, reappear to defend my soldier's post. I am a slave to the magazine seller now. My heart is drumming to a honky-tonk, voodoo sound very much unlike love. But if we ever caught each other eye for eye, that tall, black man and I; down deep below my heart I know I could only love him once with reverence.

But instead I mumbled and moved away. Each night at ten he closes the door with the bolt. Each night he disappears behind the racks then reappears intermittently, clerking, sweeping up and turning off. What does he think of boys like me? Boys 44

Untitled by George Cummings Ever> summer my parents would take us on camping tnps. 1 remember one particular outing in the Rocky Mountains where I got to bring Jimmy, my buddy since the second grade. Dad bought this rubber boat which gave us another dimension of mobility, especially useful on water to establish ones ow n territory . After much discussion Dad allowed the two of us to camp on the island off shore - our own space away from authority / siblings - freedom! We arrived at our special island mid afternoon, set up the tent -- then what. It hit us both at the same time -- the realization -- we hadn't brought our swim suits but here we were miles from strangers and separated from parental influences by 300 yards of water. It came to both of us without a word -- ft would be ok - accept the urge take the plunge. Naked in 5 seconds, into the cold cold water —the challenge on - yes we did it and back . Out of the water we lay on the rocks heated by the sun - ok suck the warmth off those rocks. Here we were, would our parents approve, does it matter, what if they never found out. We had taken showers together as kids but now we were, well not kids we were, well budding adolescents as could be the overt changes in our bodies. Jim now had developed hair above his penis; he was some six months "my elder". My voice cracked now and then and my genitals were definitely developing but I had no hair. As two innocent boys with much curiosity we began to explore his genitals together. It was ok. He being older wanted to show me what it could do so he got it to cum as I watched this beautiful sight. What I had to look forward to! That night in the tent we got to explore each others bodies without reservation as it was ok. Such a great feeling to have a buddy to grow up with, and have it be just OK.

F R i M

B u rge r

and that's why I vacation in Ireland. He wanted to come. I said no. I said, you don't understand what Ireland is to me. I can't share it. He wanted me to say, "I'm sorry, I wish you could come." But I didn't. This week I took a long bike ride along the west coast, down by the Burren. It was pouring rain, I ended up in Doolin, got drunk with a bunch of Irish boys and girls. Spent the night with them in some guy's house, drinking Guinness and whiskey. Landed in Deirdra's bed, took her bra off with warm confident hands, savored the nipples, got hard. 1 was ready, I wanted it all, but foolish talk about an HIV test scared her off. Or maybe because she was Catholic. In Galway I shared a pup tent in a blowing gale with two Irish boys I met on the way. I slept with my arm around the shorter one. He was feisty and tried to fight me on the way back from the pub. But he let me hold him in the storm. The next morning his friend saw it as he got up out of his wet sleeping bag. "You're not bent noa, are ya?" he asked. "Bent as can be," I replied, looking for a quick escape route. It's been a week since I left. He'll think: 'No postcard. How long does it take to get word off that island?' He's never been here himself, but I won't let him come. It's a secret of mine, a place I won't let him touch. Selfish, I guess. I don't know. It seems he'd ruin it for me. He doesn't understand why I go in the fall. "The weather's as cold and wet as it is here. Any Berliner can tell you where to go when it gets like that: sun." We met on a day like that, in the sun He was reading in a sidewalk cafe near the Opemhaus just after the Wall came down, new Coca-Cola signs on Unter den Linden. The cigarette posters expressed what was on everyone’s minds: "Test the West!" He turned a page, I blocked the sun, asking to sit down. The cafe was so full that day people were doubling up. East meeting West, "What are you reading?" I asked him, lighting a cigarette. "My diary, from a year ago. It's boring me a bit." I told him I always write a journal, every day. It's good discipline. "But never once," I said, exhaling, "have I re-read what I have written. It's for the moment, nothing else." I remember how amazed he looked. Putting down the pieces of his life, rearranging them into a new synthesis afterwards, is one of his obsessions. "I can't even stand looking at old pictures of myself," I told him, looking right into his eyes. "I don’t know why. I turn the pages in

D u b l i n by Paul Fleming I sit here, having my breakfast. I stir the coffee with a spoon, noticing for the first time the ornate handle. Someone's grandmother's silver. No one buys silver anymore. The newspaper lies there. I gaze out the window at the green fields below. It's foggy today; a heavy shroud over the countryside around me. I bring the coffee cup to my lips. Bitter. Needs more sugar. What am I doing here? I glance down at the newspaper. Headline, broken at the fold, reads like a cryptic ransom note. MAASTRICHT GOES UN / IN HEATED DEBA. A photo shows a girl with her horse. Underneath, "Fidelma Burke Places Fir". The fold robs her of her full measure of fame. Of course I could unfold the paper, could give Fidelma Burke the attention she deserves. I could. He's sitting there, having his breakfast, drinking cold coffee. Outside, Berlin will be rising from its bed, first rays hitting the facades and chimney tops clumsily. He hasn't been up this early in a long time. He couldn't sleep. It's hard for him to sleep when I'm gone - he misses my warmth. Across the back lot he'll look over at the Doll Factory. Someone should repair those windows, he’ll think, breaking into his egg. The Doll Factory is what we call the old three-story warehouse opposite us, with dirty broken windows, yellow and brown brick face, sagging roof. He'll see the gang of dolls staring out at him, as they do every morning, from a window on the third floor, their faces pressed against the panes. Almost all of the dolls are naked, some are big, some are tiny. At times they seem evil, menacing. And then other times it's like they’re crying to be let out. It feels good to be away from Berlin, from his grasping hold. He's everything I have ever wanted. Maybe stability doesn’t agree with me. Maybe I need the rough edge of the night. That's why I live in Berlin, 45

away from the flowers, the well-wishers' line, the hypocrisy. Birgit knew about us, but her parents didn't. Her parents lived in a villa in Grunewald. We sat apart from each other at the table, and we both came "alone." We didn't see Birgit after that. He got his fallen angel shot after three beers. In it. I’m sitting up against the red wallpaper with a photo of a North German shepherd boy in the background. He says I look as decadent and lost as the shepherd looks pure. Who says shepherds are pure? But I did try' to write to him. I sat with a pint in one of the smokier pubs in Dublin and tried. I wanted to tell him what the blue-grey sky did to me, how it unknotted a pain inside, and I began to write "You would not believe how the sky ..." And then I just ran out of words. I sat there, staring at the guys playing darts, taking drag after drag of my smokes and I couldn't share the sky with him. I was passing a computer store that night, on O'Connell Street. Some interactive demo was running in the w'indow, though there wasn't anyone around to see it except for me. A face kept coming into focus,

photo albums very quickly. They scare me. those photos; strange, isn't it?" Ireland wears me out. 1 come here for rest and nature and long hikes, and I end up drinking and pissing off cliffs; 1 end up naked between two lovers in Cork and need the used condoms on the floor for proof. 1 get so lonely, I want to scratch the sky, pull down the gulls, torture them. I can't answer it, can't tell you why. 1 don't know why I can’t unfold the paper, why 1 really don't care about Fidelma and her horse. I'm running fast on this beach. I'm looking into the lidepools and talking to God, feeling a closeness and feeling a loss. 1 pick up Irish boys hitchhiking on the way, can't understand them at all My English is good, but their accent confuses me. We don't end up doing anything But their ruddy cheeks and clear eyes are touching; their simplicity. Berlin is far away, with its tough boys, the skinhead glare. I should write him, but I can't. I feel it, all the way over here. The trips to the mailbox, checking. The waiting. The staring at the ceiling, wondering. He is the only one in whose arms I can cry.

turning around and around, 3-D like, then exploding. The heading above said "A New Dimension in Reality!" That's how I feel about reality these days: it keeps exploding, then is pieced back together; bit by bit, scanned, digitized, voila. After that I called him. I said "Greetings from the Emerald Isle. I'm a lazy letter writer. I don't know - I can't get anything down, so I'm calling." He was working at home and sounded tired. "Glad you’ll be home soon; I miss you," he said. "Yeah, I’m sorting things out. By the end, I should know everything about everything in my life" I made it lighthearted, like a joke, but he didn’t think it was funny. "You OK?" "Listen, I gotta go now. It’s a good trip. I’ll be home soon. Don't worryJ - work hard." ***

I always run from him when he gets the camera out. Or I wrestle it from him, forgetting how expensive it is, drop it somewhere carelessly, push him to the floor, or onto the bed. I'm the stronger of the two. I can hold both his arms w'ith one hand and open his jeans with the other. The camera has become an aphrodisiac. If he even hints that he might get it out, or steals up behind me and begins to aim, we end up making salty, sweaty, chest to chest love. He once told me about Indians he'd read about, in the rainforests. "They don't want to be photographed. Neither do Gypsies: they think you can steal their souls that way." I told him I didn't see what that had to do with me. I just don't look good on film. But he swears I look great on film. He says, I could be a fucking model. He only got two good pictures of me, ever: one of me alone, and one with him. Both times I was drunk. I like the one with him: I look peaceful. In the one alone, he says I look like a "fallen angel.” He took that one in the "Hafcn". The Hafen is a bar in the West. It has deep red walls and heavy curtains. Men sit in the small room and look at each other with desire and sadness. He had his camera with him because we had gone to Birgit’s wedding. The Hafen helped me get my balance back. Weddings are not fun, but Birgit had been a good friend. He was unwinding, glad to be

The other night I found a love letter in his boxes —a postcard, actually. It was from me. It was our only love letter, postmarked Dublin, the morning after the call. It arrived in Berlin the day they finally found me, to tell me he was gone. I told him how the blue-grey sky in Ireland untied something inside for me. I told him he was the only man I'd ever cried with —there, 1'w* said it —I'd scribbled. I asked him to burn the two photos. SS 46

s p i r i t

u a__ I________ m_a__ t __ t __ e__ r_S

v a I

c o x

ROUBLE KNOCKED. I JUST knew IT. Working in my studio, sometime in 1989 o r 1990, I heard a knock at the front door. Brush in hand I approached the entry to see unknown visitors waiting outside. One glance, revealing five very respectable-looking ladies, spoke trouble through and through.

Places bestow distinctive looks. Here in north ern N ew Mexico harsh dramatic environment combines with its own magic to instill in people a stoic reserve strangely wedded with fluid noncha lance. This marriage of opposites carries a bnstle of irreverence that often renders us slightly askew to conventional, respectable, society. I can spot one of us a mile away and could have staked my life that the ladies outside my door came from anywhere but here. They seemed epitomes of tight control— so proper— without a particle of nonchalance, fluid or otherwise. Hats, heels and hose. Lipstick, powder and pearls. Suits and dresses prim and pastel., At least one pair of short cotton gloves. (I swear!) Either a June Cleaver/Donna Reed drag event had suddenly run rampant or someone had taken a serious wrong turn touring the Virginia suburbs. Those were five very out-of place ladies.

a horde o f deadly H a rp ies out to suck m y soul Pleasant smiles greeted me as their leader spoke, “W e are in your neighborhood this morn ing. . ." Neighborhood! Coming from her perfectlypainted lips, the term evoked trim lawns, white picket fences and developed regimentation. O f all words to use in this place of cliffs, hills and wild na tive grasses, where snaggled coyote fencing borders the meander of dusty roads. "We are in your neighborhood this morning on spiritual matters. . .” My blood boiled. All interruption in the studio carries the nip of aggravation. This, however, was something else. “W e are in your neighborhood this morning on spiritual matters. Are you a Creationist or evolution ist?" Through the stifling vapor of their smiles and perfume I clearly detected a horde of deadly Har pies out to suck my soul. My one need was to be rid of them quickly as possible. The only ambiguity concerned how. In less than a breath my dilemma seemed clear: While wanting to snatch and deposit my visitors directly back wherever they came from, I hesitated to act harshly. Though I feel unsolicited proselytizing beyond the pale— a form of vio

lence— I did not want to respond in kind. For tunately, “I” didn't have to. In that less-than-a-breath I stood back and discovered an empty, silent place. A response emerged from the silence. W ithout judgment or deliberation I heard myself calmly reply, “Neither." The leader's spiel, doubtless at the ready, aborted on her lips. Her eyes widened in a rustle of surprise. As if on cue the ladies backed away, all but tiptoeing. They retreated six or seven steps before finally turning. The leader receded with careful tones, “Then-l-guess-you-are-bu-sy-now -andcan-not-talk." I nodded. They left. v v v

RECALL THE LADIES not because of personal conviction, one way or the other, regarding myths of creation. The telling point of their visit lies in my response and the nature of the choic es they offered. Both choices (Biblical Creation and Darwinian evolution, I presume) seem equally fine. Equally limited too. Neither can embrace the mysteries they purport to contain. Those choices clanked hollow: twin vessels— equally barren— of fered to the starveling. I’m hard pressed to name anything that isn't a “spiritual matter." Stars and blood, rocks and thoughts, cum and trees, colors and space. Spirit— unformed source— suffuses all. But how come the curious malaise that marks humankind—-the strange sense of disassociation from spirit despite spirit's ubi quitous presence? And so goes our dilemma: profound desire for nourishment in the mysteries of life, sought through forms that withhold sustenance at the threshold of our lips. H ow come? Discovering a response to that one question became my spiritual quest. By the time those ladies knocked at my door I could honestly dodge the emptiness they proffered. By that day I moved with the conviction that our perceived disassociation with spirit arises from the very forms (structures) we use in order to know it. With one form as limited as the next, what real choice exists one to the other? Between Creationist or evolutionist, Republican or Socialist, male or female anything else? I could no longer drink from choices equally unnourishing, and somehow flowed right through the gauntlet those ladies imposed. O ur forms are so close we don't even recognize them for the barriers they are. They include personal identities- descriptions of our selves and everything we encounter, both tangible and abstract. Also our bodies and creeds, universes

y and tribes, spaces and genders, times and rituals. Much else besides. By all of them we hope to parse creation into intelligible form. Surely there is no harm in unlimited spirit's taking form to expenence itself as discrete and sov ereign, Seems to me such expenence is what a physical universe such as ours is all about an amusement park to frolic and role-play, one never expected to be full-time and continuous. But some where a warp developed in this scheme, a kink. Entities began taking their forms as serious and sol id. And so evolved structure not as fluid play grounds but as institutions that rarefy escape their own inertia. Institutions that end in the dead-water of service to self-perpetuation airless mirrored chambers captivating our every breath, ever draw ing denseness to their bulk, importunate and selfrighteous to the end. We are so enslaved to preserving our structures that we doggedly sustain the master illusion of separation from spirit. Thus the malaise of dissociation from that which actually sustains us all along. I yearned to shatter the mir rors, sweep aside separation's cowl and freely flow into spirit direct. N o problem— traditions abound for tran scending the “vale of tears." Though I haven't followed such a path I suppose it relatively simple— with specific focus -to let go completely and redissolve into spirit direct from flesh. N o birth, no death, no trace. Yet the imprint on my own soul has not so allowed. It is my overriding desire to feel the gamut of experience in this world of form along with direct experience of unlimited spirit. The form and the unform all at once. Form/unform. Why should the two be mutually-exdusive? In fact they are not: we all live formAinform in the breath of each moment. We simply don't experience them as such. I want to. Possessing a far from analytical and deliberate temperament, I feel disinclined to follow a devised course for realizing form/unform. Though organized endeavor— teachers, teachings, disciplines, inten tional communities— has shaped my experience, it somehow stops short of my present quest. Instead, when now I sense the presence of some new thread of the quest— an immanent mist hovering on the brink of expenence— I step back quietly, releas ing the quest and its aspects entirely. After vanishing in the void they eventually resurface— compounded with an altered resonance that contains the teaching at hand. A sort of personal sonar. These days I fre quently hear words like “fluid, ""flow" and "liquid" used to describe a quality of life. Last RFD alone contained several such references from brothers who w rote of their encounters with spirit. It is with the resonance of fluidness that my form/unform desire has returned from its void, ready to guide me to its world. (N o surprise! Fluidness of one's nature and expression stands as tenet of many tra ditions.) I can envision spirit-life as like the proverbial great river. In the river of life one flows, both as discrete drop and undifferentiated component. Ongoing and ever in flux. The gieat river, to me, is a telling metaphor for life as formAjhform. Conceive of fluid life: phasing in and out of universes whose forms, rather than damming the flow, Itquidly arise as opportunities for experience. Coming and going without the abr uptness of entry through womb and exit through death, Walking worlds without a trace left behind. Experiencing life to the hilt: intimate existences containing universes in a whisper; lusty

forays embracing kingdoms and m ore— all without appropriating a pebble or consuming a particle. Allowing Earth to flow unencumbered, free of our adolescent need. Associating nimbly with all we desire, meeting and mingling, bumping and gnnding, laughing and crying, caressing and orgasmtng in ways that stake no daim Phasmg-m to expenences we want from the depths of our souls, phasing-out to those we need not know. (Imagine the feeling of peace even in a world containing the likes embodied by a Jesse Helms/George Bush/Ronald Reagan, assuming such types could endure an increasmgty-fluid environment. Have you dreamed of flowing insouoantiy through the stiff-necked bigot/gray-souled civil servant rather than colliding against his walled self-satisfaction?) A dream world? Quite. Yet my soul tells me my dream is birth right—the legacy abandoned when form en trenched too solid. Humankind's dilemma will never be fixed. N o amount of prayer, politics, education or battle can help. In most human culture the vision endures of a golden time long lost. AJI along our world has run on the premise that if we try harder— do more— we shall finally catch up and fill the golden cup to overflowing once again. Just one more law, one more committee, one more ceremony, and every thing will coincide once and for all. Isn't it clear that the more we do, the more entangled we become? W ho has followed the wisdom, available through the ages; the wisdom of doing less as means of achieving? Irony is the golden realm indeed exists, only not in the form of a single consensus where everything falls into a universally-acknowledged areement. It exists where everything is tossed to ow — namely the holy chaos of the great river. There either/or’s flow as both/and’s. The lion truly lies with the lamb. Too long ago human life left the great river. Although the channel it followed may once have seemed wide as the river itself, we now flounder at its stagnant end. My dreams tell me that in the twin kling of an eye those who wish can fluidly phase back to the river, the dead-water stagnation simply vanishing for lack of our participation— like the ty rant who deflates soon as the tyrannized cease to consent. W e engender acts of fluidness all the time, of ten unknowing. Altogether they form the critical mass that can reinstate us in formAinform existence. They come in improbabilities such as loving touch in a violent world, confrontations gay-ly played away, saying ''neither" to a horde of Harpies. v v v

CLAIM NO CREDIT for the "neither"; it was spirit talking. It does, however, indicate the funny ways I bring to these pages. Trying to flow through the structure of creation has taken me into the unknown, beyond the horizon. It is there that I had my first sense of actually feeling "at home.” By simply desiring fluid existence, I found many of the categories, by which life knows itself, dissolve entirely. As those categories vanished, por tals bridging form and unform spontaneously arose. What has this to do with expressing as a gay man? Nothing and everything. Gender and interaction among genders does not really exist. At least that’s the way I experience it. Looking beneath the surface, even just barely, I can find in myself no sense of gender at all. My rela tion to gender has always felt somehow “re

j o u r n e y s ______o_J ______ s p i r i t I)

a n d

d a v i d

f r e c h t e r

OR MOST GAY MEN our sexuality was suppressed over a period of many years. A time came when each of us stepped into “gay culture" and began to identify ourselves as “gay men."

The characteristics of that culture may have been very alien to our values or interests. The need to express ourselves as gay men and receive validation from like-minded individuals was our primary motivation for entering this unfamiliar world. At the time I started to come out in the early 1980’s, I was living in Miami, Florida. I had just spent the last five years involved with an east Indian Teacher, Guru Maharaji, living a monastic life of meditation and service. As I look back on this per iod of my life, living as a monastic created safety. I found myself in the confusing circumstance of ful filling the need to know my spiritual self, while at the same time of living a life that allowed me to avoid my attraction for other men. Eventually, I left the sheltered life and began to interact within the gay community of southern Florida. I found myself in a world with values and behavior foreign to me, including smoke-filled discotheques with dark rooms for brief sexual encounters, bath houses, poppers and cocaine. A typical evening experience for me was to venture out to a gay establishment, have a few beers and stand around waiting for something to happen. The pretense and superficiality of gay nightlife was intim idating and foreign. Occasionally I would meet someone and possibly leave with him for a sexual

encounter. Usually I ended up leaving the bar or disco alone, feeling very depressed and wondering where I fit in. When each of us stepped into gay culture, trying to embrace a new life, what parts of our selves did we sacrifice along the way? H ow were other areas of our lives altered and re-shaped to finally accommodate our sexuality? W ere these al terations to our living situations, socialization, cloth ing, personality and other aspects of life coming from our individual expressions? Or, were they products of gay culture’s collective influence? Unfortunately, there were no role models depicting a gay lifestyle other than one that included excessive drugs, sex and rock and roll. I felt shut down and emotionally unavailable to other men, while lusting after them sexually. Disillusionment, confusion and fear sent me back into the closet and

solved"— a primordial state that must underlie forms, including our commonly-acknowledged gen ders: female, male, androgyny, others as well as the broader yet no less circumscribed states expressed in archetypes such as yin-yang or Shakti-Shiva. Th idea of “men's issues," "women’s issues," “battle of the sexes" and the like remains incomprehensfbk me. But it is in the role-play of a gay man, company and caress of other gay that I express day to day. Since menr men tribe often seem so uncannily “at home” in unknown, this is the form many of our souls must have adopted to best enable their destinies: legions of our tribe seem born caretakers to the mysteries and the portals through which they flow. Stepping forward as editor of these pages, I can offer words from my crazy home beyond the horizon. But if I have any place here at all it is not for what I can say but for the opportunity of serving as steward: keeper of the prism, aligning it— season to season— to best embrace and focus the light shining from fellow readers and their submissions. Pleaseshine great light. /

b r e a t he

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led me to the marriage altar and fatherhood. Three years later I divorced. Emotionally I was as low as I had ever been. Eight months of therapy helped me begin peeling away the layers around my soul. I began to remember what life was like living a simpler existence, focusing on my spiritual practices. Yet I knew I could not go backwards. H ow could I proceed forward to embrace both my sexuality and spirituality without compromising either? In the past, whenever I pursued one, I had left behind the other. I spent the next tw o years as a social hermit, reading with voracity and exposing myself to a variety of psycho-spiritual self-development programs. This led me to a breath therapy known as rebirthing. Contrary to what many people believe, rebirthing is not about remembenng your birth and clearing the negative influences of the birth process. In a breath session you lie down for about an hour and breathe more deeply than normal, avoiding any hesitation between breaths. The added oxygen creates a stimulating effect which can often trigger unconscious thoughts and feelings.

H o w to embrace both m y sexu a lity a n d s p ir itu a lity ? Through a series of one-on-one sessions with a trained breath therapist I explored memories and emotions that had long been repressed or for gotten. For the first time I felt emotions uncen sored. As my heightened state of awareness continued to develop, fears seemed less potent and I willingly shed old behavior patterns. These experiences showed me that for true balance I needed to approach life holistically (inclusive of the whole) and to acknowledge all aspects of my being. I found myself eager for intimacy with other men, and began to seek out other like-minded men who were also engaged in their own self-discovery. By the late 1980's the gay community of southern Florida had diversified and matured. Many of the changes were the result of a community hardimpacted by HIV and AIDS. Spirituality and personal growth became necessary vehicles to understand and cope with illness, grief and death. As I reen tered the gay community, I no longer felt as if I didn’t fit in. I was confident that there had to be other men who felt the way I did. I was determined to seek them out. Personal ads were emerging as a viable alter native to meeting men through the club scene. I placed ads that clearly described my interests and definitely stood out amongst the typical "top man seeks bottom man" advertisements. I spoke with' numerous men as the phone, met some in person for a drink or dinner, made some friendships, and dated a few for a month or two. Most of the men I encountered were also disillusioned with the shal lowness of the gay community yet did not have the insight or inclination to make any changes. The sig nificance of personal ad introductions is that each phone call or meeting required me to talk about myself in-depth, thereby clarifying verbally who I

was and what I was looking for. I found this very empowering It provided me the courage to make huge adjustments m my life. I left southern Honda (and the conventional tra vel company I owned) for the mountains of north ern N ew Mexico. Five months after I arrived, on Christmas Day, I met a man who shares the same name as I, David. He looked deeply into my eyes and answered my longing for love and tenderness. O ur dance continues. As the new year approached. I realized it was time to bnng my vocation into alignment with my spintual journey, I launched an endeavor called Spi rit Journeys, which offers gay men a variety of ga therings that foster self-discovery, vision, intimacy and brotherhood. These gatherings include week end workshops (usually offered in or close to major metropolitan areas around the U.S.), 4-7 day re treats held in country settings and 7 - 10 day adven ture journeys throughout the U.S. and parts of Mexico that have included such activities as hiking, horseback riding and rafting. Each event has a unique theme and purpose designed to touch various needs that arise in our community. “Journey Into Ourselves," for example, is a weekend workshop that focuses on transition and personal visioning. Wilderness trips, such as ri ver rafting and exploration of Native American can yon lands, provide seasoned campers as well as novices opportunities to safely explore the natural world from which urban life disconnects us. In 1995 we plan to offer a workshop oriented for gay men living with HIV as well as a retreat for g^y couples. The underlying theme of all these gatherings is an experience of men loving men and learning from one another without pretense and judgment. Al ways the highlight for me is the group sharing (which happens several times a day) when we sit in circle and each has the opportunity to share

I I )

thoughts, feelings, stones or insights. It is in these sacred circles that I begin to recognize the common thread that weaves us all together. Tom's story be comes my story. Michael's sadness is an extension of me. Peter's insight becomes my wisdom. I have participated in many kinds of self-aware ness workshops, some for men and women toge ther, others just for men. Usually there would be one or tw o other gay men participating, sometimes none. As supportive of growth as these gatherings were, they never provided a vehicle for me to ex plore and embrace my gayness. I eventually felt that workshops offered specifically for gay men would offer our community a completely different experi ence. Unlike mixed-group events, gay-men w ork shops could uniquely honor and acknowledge our sexuality. The benefits of participating in an exclu sively gay men's event are opportunities to explore emotional intimacy with other men, to purge our own internalized homophobia, to share the com mon wounding we each have experienced by virtue of growing up contrary to the norm, and to learn how to honor our gayness through celebration. When we arrived on this planet none of us were given a road map telling us what we are doing here or how to do it. And as gay men, we are more likely to feel as if we were dropped on the wrong planet. Gatherings of gay men provide a sounding board, a forum for collective brainstorm ing, and signposts for life: "don't go this way"; “hey, pass go and collect $200." I see events allowing gay men to come toge ther for mutual honor and understanding as step ping stones in the personal and collective journey all must travel. As we embrace all parts of ourselves, including our sexuality and spirituality, we begin to branch out in this world with greater courage, re spect and certainty.

m o u n t a i n e

NE SAGE T O ANO THER: The journey o f a thousand miles begins w ith a single

step.

THE O TH ER SAGE: Once you've taken a few steps, if you w ant to journey faster, teacjh others to journey w ith you.

NOVEMBER1993. M YOFFICEATTHEGREATERM IAM IOPERA. The desk piled high with papers. The details of run ning the finances of a major opera company are often overwhelming. It's difficult to get projects done because there are constant interruptions, cri ses to avert, fires to be fought. The show must go on, the fat lady has to be paid to sing (the petite lady and the men too) and it's my job to make sure the checks we give them don't bounce. Today I'm trying to prepare a financial report which needs to be in the mail to the Board of D i rectors by the end of the day. The phone rings for the umpteenth time this morning, and once again I set aside what I am doing to answer the phone, prepared to deal with whatever comes at me from the other end of the plastic-coated wire that's con nected to the plastic-coated network of wires that 49

Mountaine (left) and David Frechtcr

criss-cross the planet, the wires that are one part of the technological infrastructure which has allowed the human race to become ever more efficient at accomplishing tasks that seem so incredibly impor tant but that no one could have conceived of sev eral hundred years ago. T he show must go on. Brnngg! The voice on the other end of the phone is my dear friend David from Santa Fe. (A few years ear lier. David and I had spent many exciting hours together, focused on enhancing our personal growth. We had participated in some terrific growth-onented workshops, and had talked about offering our own workshops for gay men. David had recently started "Spirit Journeys," an enterprise offering the kind o f workshops we had discussed.) He is calling me this morning to ask if I'd like to co facilitate with him. My heart leaps! The financial report I need to finish sinks into die background of my awareness. Apparently, something in me has shifted recently without my being conscious of its presence. The last time David and I discussed giving workshops to gether, I felt I wasn't ready. Since then, I sure hadn't stopped growing. I hadn’t realized, though, that the growth had taken me to a point where I felt ready to share it with others through conducting w ork shops. Ya/ When do we start? 7

In a week, David and I will be leading our first “Jour ney Into Ourselves" together, in Miami. In addition to using my time at this faerie gathering for wild and crazy fun, I am m retreat To me, there is no better place for retreat than a faerie gathering. So much loving support, and so much space to be myself. I'm breathing in the feel of the land, paying attention to the flow of my dreams, relaxing my body and my mind, letting my spirit soar, and drinking in the un paralleled companionship that I find in faerie space. 7

MAT 8,1994. AN ELEGANT GAT GUESTHOUSE ON MIAMI BEACH.

It's 10:30 on the final morning of the workshop. The next process on the schedule (which David and I have been adjusting constantly all weekend) is a “shamanic journey," a guided visualization to get in touch with totem animals. In recent years I have experienced such journeys many times, but this is the first time I am to lead one. N o one has taught me how to do it. I’m going to base it on inner guid ance as well as what I have experienced on my own journeys. I’m a bit nervous, and during a peebreak I take a few minutes to focus my energy, to feel my spirit, to quiet myself, so I can be with the inner source o f all wisdom and knowledge. Then everyone closes their eyes, the drum begins, and the words start to flow. . . When the journey is over, we all write quietly in our journals. I am nervous again. My journal re flects my doubts: "Almost everyone is writing a lot. I hope no one is angry at me!" But when the men start to tell the group about their animals, I am as tounded. It worked! I am deeply moved by the ways in which a variety of animals have brought messages that r elate directly to each individual. I had hoped that my lack of experience wouldn't get in the way I am surprised, and also not surprised, at how

facilitate workshops was also a year of travel to many faerie gatherings. And for me, these gather ings were the sites of many, many life-changing ex periences. A few examples:

okay to look

Falling in lust with a drop-dead gorgeous man. dis covering that he was open to hanging out together, taking ecstasy with him for an all-night visit in my tent.

a t the w o rld upside

Hosting a post-gathenng party in my hom e and gar den that w ent on for th re e days.

dow n!

Blissful dancing around the maypole, drumming, smudging, hugging, playful groping, smiling lots.

i t ’s

1994. WORKSHOPS.

May in Miami. August in N ew Mexico. September in the Catskills of N ew York State. November in western Virginia. Each Spirit Journeys event made unique by the combination of men who chose to attend. At the beginning of each workshop we encour age participants to choose new names for them selves. Then, throughout the time we spend to gether, they can change their names whenever they want to be addressed in new ways. Some examples of memorable moments from our workshops:

MAT 1 ,1994. BELTANE AT SHORT MOUNTAIN.

well the process was guided through me. Again, Yay It feels so good to be part of the growth of others.

O n e morning “First Light" (the nam e on Larry's nam e tag at tne time) walked across the road from the N ew Mexico Z en center w here our August retreat was based. He saw a rock he liked, and fol lowed his intuitive (but surprising) impulse" to break the rock so he could take part of it hom e. H e was overw helm ed to discover that the rock he had cho sen contained a perfectly preserved fossil. “First Light” saw that by following his inner guidance, he had discovered something very beautiful which had remained hidden for millennia. A strong hint about how to live o n e ’s life. . . J was captivated by watching "Container," so m oved by an inner awakening during a guided breathing session, that he picked som e beautiful wildflowers and spent about half an hour dreamily kissing them and stroking his face with them (and the faces of guys nearby), grinning the entire time. This from som eone w ho lives a very fast-paced high-energy life in Los Angeles. . . After an inner journey, “As a Child" described his vision of a bat, w ho had com e to teach him that it’s okay to look at the world upside down!

The variety of men in our workshops is stag gering-each comes with his own agenda, his own reasons for being drawn to a "journey into himself." Each comes with his own unique combination of openness and resistance. David and I create a structure designed to increase the openness and decrease the resistance. Somehow, every time, there's magic. Each man brings an intent focused toward growth, and the powerful group energy that forms in the combining of each man’s intent creates a wonderfully nurturing framework for huge leaps in awareness. 7

A fabulous mountain hike through fields of wild flowers, followed by a dip in a freezing-cold stream that I could only tolerate for thirty fabulous seconds. Discovering that there w ere enough guys w ho could sight-read music to perform madrigals at the "no-talent show." I hadn't sung that kind of music since I was 14, and I love it! Playing Mozart on my clarinet at a poetry reading while tripping, and bursting into tears after the final note, overw helm ed by the beauty of music, by how it transports m e into d e ep e r states of awareness. Many experiences of d e ep communication with faerie brothers w hom I feel I’ve known forever and ever, and will continue to know happily ever after.

I marvel at the structured spontaneity of Spirit journeys workshops, and I marvel equally at the spontaneous structure of faerie gatherings. I marvel at the equal amounts of magic I have experienced in these distinct settings. H ow can this be? Intent. My dictionary defines intent as “having one's mind fixed on some purpose." Intent brings results. It’s what Hitler had in common with Leonardo da Vinci. Both focused their intent on what they want ed to accomplish, and both achieved much of what they intended. Obviously, the nature of each of their intents created extreme disparity in the results. When a group of people come together— whether in workshops, faerie gatherings or otherwise— with the shared intent of personal growth, being whole, manifesting lovingness, going beyond trying to control and manipulate each other, integrating the inner masculine with the inner feminine, having fun in community, being real, the results are glorious. Fairies don't have a monopoly on loving intent. Neither do workshop participants. And neither do folks like me, who come alive in both faerie gatherings and spiritual workshops. In my experience, loving intent is the key to magic. And I really like magic! 7

1994. FAERIE GATHERINGS.

January in the Florida keys. May (Beltane) at Short Mountain. June (Stonewall) in N ew York. July at Destiny Lodge in Vermont. October (fall gathering) at Short Mountain. The year in which I began to co

(For information JOURNEYS, P.O. 5 0 5 -3 5 1 -4 0 0 4 .)

NE SAGE TO ANOTHER: Magic, lore right here and now. This moment. This breath. Journey of a thousandmiles’ Whatjourney’

on their programs contact SPIRIT Box 5307, Santa Fe N M 87502,

Hitting the Road!

1 turned down the joint, but thoroughly enjoyed the ride with the two very entertaining and hot young men And that's the way it has been. Loggers and truckers, just plain locals, travelers, tree planters! and hippies, driving down little roads between places spaced far apart Central British Columbia is not the most remote place in the world, but it s rural There are no freeway s w ith on-ramps and off-ramps. The trans-Canada highway runs through Revelstoke and down to Kamloops before turning south to Vancouver. It is a two-lane road. Kamloops has a youth hostel, and there 1 stayed for a while. A hostel is usually a clean and friendly place where you can stay for S10 a night. They are well located for travelers, and some occupy old historic buildings. The Kamloops hostel is in an old brick courthouse near the center of town. 1 liked the town, too. No gay bars, but some nice espresso shops and a liberal atmosphere. It's a dry region of grassy hills doted with skinny pine trees. I kept imagining the long winters that must contrast greatly with the warm July weather. Remember. I've lived in L A. for seventeen years. Thunderstorms tempered the heat. Good weather for shorts and sandals. There's another way to live cheap that I picked up by word-ofmouth. It's called 'Willing Workers on Organic Farms" or WWOOFing for short. I got a list of farm families offering FREE room and board to travelers who will put in about four hours a day in the fields and pastures. That sounded like an invitation to some home cooking to me. It s also a gw d way to meet some locals and learn about farming and farm life. Travelers stay a few days or a few weeks. It is a very informal arrangement. You just call a tew days ahead and ask if there is any room. (The list included one lesbian couple and no out gay men.) What can I tell you about farm life? The farms I saw were isolated and very beautiful. The families really dig in roots, and they love the land. This kind of farm usually has a large garden with many vegetables, which they sell locally and share with neighbors. They'll have a root cellar so crops like potatoes and carrots can be stored for the winter. A great variety secures a living off the land. One farm may have chickens, pigs, sheep, a cow, bee hives, fruit trees, fields of hay, and a flower garden. I planted, cultivated, and harvested vegetables, drove a tractor, fed the animals, laid out irrigation pipe, and herded sheep. It was very educational and fun. The mosquitoes can get pretty bad, but everyone puts up with it. The toughest job on the farm is loading bales of hay. An afternoon of that and I'm wiped out. If asked what was the most exciting thing so far, I would say hiking. I passed hundreds of snow-capped mountains on the highway, but I didn't pass by them all. With a little local help, I found trails to some peaks and made tracks to the tops. Near Smithers, BC, I camped out on the slope of an unnamed mountain in foggy, rainy weather. I planned to explore it's eerie blue glacier the next morning. Walking up to a real glacier and touching the ice was my biggest high. Thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s all for now, but I'll try to write again in a while. In the mean time, here are some tips for travelers. Hostelling International and American Youth Hostels have books describing their hundreds of exciting locations. In the United States, contact them locally by calling information and asking for "American Youth Hostel," or write to: American Youth Hostels 733 15th St.. NW. Suite 840 Washington. DC 20005 To become a WWOOFer, write or call: NEWWOOF New England Small Farms Institute (NESFI) PO Box 937 Belchertown, MA 01007 or or WWOOF Canada WWOOF Australia John Van Den Heuvel Lionel Pollard RR2, S.18, C.9 W Tree. Buchan, Victoria 3885 Nelson, BC V1L5P5 Australia (604)354-4417 (John requests $20 Canadian or $15 (Ask tor WWOOF Australia s U.S. plus about $1 return postage.) World List. Include $10.)

by David Fourer

The last time I wane to RFD. 1 was pining about my desire to leave the city and look for rural America. 1 am proud to say that it didn't take me long 1 would like to tell RFD readers a little about my trip. The whole idea of a trip came out of a certain sense of desperation about my life. I once had hope of a career in business or computers. Basically, I wanted to do something challenging and creative, and make money. 1 would live in a better neighborhood, worry less about money, and complain less about my job. Finding myself unemployed, could 1 bitterly accept a new dull, repetitive and low-paying job: "In a few years this might lead to something," I could tell myself There are a few patblems with that: I am now 39 years old and I have been HIV+ for about ten years. And, I could barely contain my other ambition. I dreamed of natural wilderness: hiking, riding a mountain bike, exploring forests and climbing mountains. Could 1 do this? 1 became rather distraught and impulsive in my thinking. I must do it! I started looking around and pestering my friends for ideas. I discovered RFD, and wrote letters to some subscribers. 1 learned about youth hostels. Feeling apprehensive, I paid a visit to a hostel in the Los Angeles area. I asked them questions and snooped around. How would I, a single, aging, gay man, feel living in dormitories with a bunch of foreign students? I also offered to do volunteer work in wilderness conservation. That led to an invitation in Canada, and I was off and running. I sold off some stuff and packed the rest in boxes. I bought a backpack, sleeping bag, camping gear, and a plane ticket. L.A. to Seattle on May 9. 1994. Destination: Nelson, British Columbia. My term of volunteer work was a good start. Being away from home and friends, it was best to be part of a group. There were five biology students from Canadian universities, and myself. We lived in a cabin, did forestry work, and shared chores such as cooking and doing dishes. I was-a little out of place in that crowd. Still, I saw lots of forest and did plenty of hiking. After four weeks, I walked out to the highway with my backpack, stuck out my thumb, and started a bigger adventure. I have no return ticket. I have no date to be back to work. I can carry my belongings on my back. I think I'll travel and see what happens. It wasn't long before I met other people with lots of traveling experience. For a while it seemed like everyone I met had hitch-hiked to Zimbabwe or ridden a bicycle through Peru. I had heard such stories before, but now 1 was listening. I met a teenager who escaped the Canadian winter for three months by going to Jamaica with a school buddy and a little cash. What was I doing when I was sixteen? I never thought I would be hitch-hiking at my current age. In rural places it isn't a bad way to travel. Often, when I am walking down a road, someone just stops and offers a ride. I'm very chatty with anyone who picks me up. Some really cool people pick up hitch-hikers. One of my first rides was an American ex-patriot who came here during the Vietnam war era and stayed for good. He gave me a history lesson on the Slocan Valley as we rude through it. I learned that American hippies built numerous communes there, but they are all dissolved now. Other settlers were an outcast sect of Russian people called Dukabores. He dropped me off and I proceeded to walk for an hour just to enjoy the scenery. Then I got a ride from two men in their twenties who immediately offered me a joint, as though it was the only courteous thing to do. They were part of Canada's roving mass of young liberals called tree-planters. In actual fact, they do the physically demanding work of planting trees after logging operations. They live in forest camps, ignore mosquitoes and bears alike, get muddy and dirty, and work in pouring rain or hot sun . They save their money for college or for trips abroad. 51

the lure of going to California, and family pressures kept me from relocating to such an isolated spot. It was clear that moving to Hinton meant being willing to close myself off from the rest of the world; it's just that kind of place. I didn’t have the guts to do it. When the Faeries came into my life, my love for nature grew once again. Here were those queer hippies who knew about wonderful energies: the magic of nature and the magic inside people, which usually remains untapped. My eyes now opened wider, and the wonders which were always there became visible. It was time to make the move and start a new life among other people like me. Now, I’ve talked about the magic of Hinton. But what exactly is it? Part is the way that the Goddess has laid out this area. The mountains are rolling and lush. Three rivers converge here, which keeps the temperature pretty stable, and there are numerous waterfalls and parks where you can enjoy the beauty of the Earth. To really feel one with the surroundings, rafting on the New River brings you to serene places which seem absolutely primordial. Such is the natural magic that has brought many of us here.

££A@ I© H APPEN S IN H IN TO N W V by

IPS1(£81 F5 (£S1 Here I am, Pacifica at Pacifica - my house was named to he the same as my faerie name. I'd thought for hours and hours about a suitable moniker for the house...well, really, the space. Nothing seemed right till the idea came to give it a faerie name. So, you're probably wondering why all this boring talk about naming a house in a place you’ve probably never heard about, right? Well, I want to share a story about how a city queer can end up in the middle of nowhere and find happiness. Until summer of 1991, the Faeries weren’t even part of my life. That was around the time when, after a lapse of about ten years, I got in touch with my old friend Dwight. At that time Baltimore was my home, and Miss D De, as she is better known to some, asked me to join him when he went up to Washington, DC for the Gay Pride Parade. To see D De, I would have gone almost anywhere. He said we'd be with the Urination's Capitol Radical Faeries and to "bring your best dress." So who had a dress? I picked one up and showed up not knowing what to expect. Within a few hours it was clear that I had found my people —my tribe. Soon after, we went to Short Mountain for the Fall Gathering. This was space that felt very safe: safe for me to be me and to learn who that is, to stretch my boundaries, and to be open with my brothers and sisters. I had been [aerified and was loving every minute of it. Life would never be the same again (and bless the Goddess of your choice for that!) Let's see what the Faeries have done for me, in 500 words or less. Over the past few years, the world seems to have opened up: there is magic around that wasn't there before; colors are brighter; sex is more passionate; and, most importantly, Pacifica has been learning about parts of herself that Jasen (my other name and persona) never knew about. It's an incredible spiritual journey, and it happens with the help of hundreds of my tribal family. To get really honest, there are two major aspects of my life which have been most influenced by faeriedom. As I mentioned before, I had no drag and no idea why I or anyone else would want to wear it, other than the occasional Ha’loween party. Who would have guessed that Pacifica had a talent for being able to drag and accessorize to death ? The other talent I discovered was how to "work" any situation or crowd. I can't say that I'm the best, but it's the best I've ever been able to do. I've lived all my life in cities, or at least large townships. Moving rural hadn’t even been a consideration, except when Jasen was about twenty years old. Back then, Dwight and I would go to visit Hinton, West Virginia and some small surrounding communities. We knew some hippies who lived down there, and we’d come to enjoy the lush surroundings, the incredible geography, and the neat people. That was in the mid-1970's. At that time, moving to such a gorgeous area and living among such people was pretty attractive. Still, my fears of the unknown.

Then there's the people. My definition of cultural diversity has changed since moving to Hinton. I used to think of it as being people of different nationalities, religions, and so forth. Now it means hippies, hicks, hillbillies and rednecks. These groups mostly tend to live among their own and let the others be, other than a little dishing now and then. The hippies bring their own magic to the area. They have get-togethers at various times during the year, including rituals and sweat lodges. The ones I've met have been wonderful and fun, just plain neat people. They also haven't sent any homophobia in my direction. The gay community is also incredible here. It's small - just a handful (pardon the pun). But there’s a tight-knit group of us who live as a community. I don't mean we all live together; I mean we work, play, eat, and entertain together —not from time to time, but every day. When someone had a work project, we all pitch in. When Faeries come through town, as they often do, they are included in our regular circle. At the same time, we have individual homes, so people all have their space. These are some of the reasons why the gay community is pretty magical. There is another kind of magic in Hinton which defies description, at least by me. It seems to gather in certain special places such as Sedona, Arizona, Short Mountain and other spots of high energy. That energy is here as well. It makes things happen, when people look to tap into it. For instance, by the time I left Baltimore, my regimen of medications was immense. There were pills for blood pressure, pills to lower triglycerides (fats in the blood), antiviral pills, pills to lessen the side effects of other pills, insulin to control diabetes, a host of vitamins, and more. After moving here, I decided to stop all my medications, except for the insulin, and see what happened. If my previous problems returned, I would go back to them. Well, I've been here since mid-April. So far, I have had to start taking the triglyceride meds because my body still manufactures too much. That's it!! My blood pressure is better than it ever has been, even on medication. As for the insulin, I still take it. but in far less amounts than before. In Baltimore, my blood sugar remained near impossible to control, even taking insulin daily. Here, 1 sometimes go weeks without needing any at all. Part of my improved health is surely due to increased activity, compared with my relatively sedentary city lifestyle; another major factor, I am convinced, is living here in Hinton. All this explains why I and several others have moved here. All you city faeries take note. A cosmopolitan queen can be happy living rurally. If you don't believe me, just come check it out. You'll see. ynF 52

Working The National Parks by Malahki Within the last two years 1 have lived and worked in six separate states with the help of the National Parks Service of America. 1 have lived upon the largest mountain in the lower forty-eight states and worked at one of the seven wonders of the natural world. 1 have dwelt among the oldest mountains in the world and shared space with the oldest recorded living thing on earth. My journey began in the summer of 1992. after I dropped out of college and left my home in Akron. Ohio. 1 boarded a Greyhound with what little of my belongings I could carry and was swept across the country to Washington state with only twenty dollars in my pocket. The trip took three days: my initiation into the horrors of bus travel. I was retrieved from Seattle, transported from there to Mount Rainier National Park and subsequently housed and fed for an entire summer.

When the summer season was coming to an end. 1 applied to the Grand Canyon National Park in Arizona, which has a full-vear season. I was accepted, and after a trip home to Ohio, I spent my winter working and exploring in this natural wonder. As spring came to the Grand Canyon, opportunities opened up for work in a variety of other parks, and that summer found me at Shenandoah National Park in Virginia. Because of sexual harassment and abuse by my manager at Shenandoah, I left in July and headed for a more secure position at Sequoia National Park in California. Last fall I left Sequoia and journeyed to the Artland '94 gathering at IDA Community in Tennessee, then stayed on for the Fall Equinox Gathering at neighboring Short Mountain Sanctuary. And thatâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s where I am now. passing another winter until spring once more brings the opportunity for employment. I want to pass on the details of my experience to RFD readers because I've found the National Parks to be a very accessible way to earn money while spending sizable amounts of time in some of America's most beautiful and natural lands. For those who want to escape city life, yet donâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t have the resources to make the move to a rural environment, these jobs are a blessing. Upon arrival, housing is supplied and an optional meal program is available. These are usually deducted at very small cost from your paycheck. Housing is usually in the form of cabins or dormitories similar to those on many college campuses. Roommates are an unavoidable part of the deal. I suggest you find a man and take him with you. All the parks I have personally worked have been homo friendly and respected requests for homosexual couple housing. Jobs range from unskilled labor to management positions, depending upon the size of the concession operation. Most of them take the form of various hotel and restaurant functions. Based on my experience at four |)arks, 1 would advise against working for Shenandoah and not applying for summer positions at Grand Canyon, as they get millions of tourist visitors which can become overwhelming. The most comprehensive source of information I've found is a book called The National Parks Trade Journal, published by Taverly Churchill Publishing. Your local bookstore should be able to order you a copy. I hope this article will lead more faeries into working our national parks. I hope to see you there. 53

r £P O t J B c )' 0 & W E

C O ^J

The second day of class Sleepy sunlight drifting through the windowpanes I doodle half-heartedly on my bored scrap of paper. Mercury-haired professor pleads for a volunteer to share the homework an essay on a famous poet. My scrap of paper yawns. Nobody volunteers/ Finally she becomes a draft sergeant Asks him to stand Read aloud his assignment "What poet did you choose?" "Whitman," he whispers. Everyone goes quiet. 1 look up from my doodling. Shaggy curls The mane of a still-kicking colt A deluge of cocoa and autumn. An elfin grin appears Mumbles something like “I didn't know what to write" and then begins to read of the love of Whitman and the paper and sunlight And 1 am in love with him. Or the colt, whatever he is. Just like that.

T O G'KJ iXOO^E S3SPBP before my long drive home 200 miles of stretched paveinent ribbons wrapping appalachian winter binding us closer but today they string us apart, cotton sheets kept me awake, teased my sense of smell into another hard-on— i wondered if i would have left any earlier had we finished what we started, but something kept steering my attention to what wasn't said about a thin line that separated what you thought to be love and what i damn well knew was sex. infatuation smoothed through your groin like heroin; you said you would not trade anything worth something if it meant forgetting what i said but believe me forgetting would be better, there was something once, the way i asked you for a kiss, childish and straight to the gag my tongue traced your lips hoping you could feel what i wanted to say, but i can only lay language on paper and wish that your lips would part and whisper the words to yourself.

His face smacks me With the force of a ball-peen hammer. It's one of those faces you instantly know Could be best friends if you tried Perhaps even more If you tried hard enough. If I and the colt were friends We could go to the river Sit on a sandbar read some Hardy or some Hopkins William Carlos yeah Swing on a rope and laugh Eat peanut butter sandwiches Throw driftwood watch it splatter Ripples growing outward Feeling warm and lazy His hair waterfalling in my hands Kissing its shimmer in the light 1 don't do things like that anymore But the colt does 1 know he does The paper ends students raurmer approval But I'm too swamped in his eyes to react which I suddenly realize are staring back at me Over the paper and the sea of students Maybe we could go swimming next week in the river the colt and me Together And Whitman can come to a

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CO lO U < K S 03 3WE <& V<EN<¥NGG^OVK fvc seen the colours of the evening glow... tawny rust and thatch and clouds that swirl and furl and patch the pale silvery blue with every conceivable dust-mote hue...

iX A tJ ilW G When we jerked off after work And then I saw you at the mall What surprised me most Was not your silence or your wife But that neither of us had changed

l‘ve seen the colours too of those 1 know or wished I knew high up inside the sky... and seen their forms flinging, floating, leaping, loping, stroking, whispering in tune...

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1‘ve seen the colours of advancing years and tears and joys... youth old age and mellowed girls and boys.. I've seen fears and rage billowing and black or slackly strewn across a heavenward track... 1also see MY colours in the evening glow tawny rust and thatch.. 1see me as an embryo opening the latch... yet on another plane I've seen my colours cling again and couple... a form of man is new... and in the evening glow the tawny rust is matched and merged with soft fair, buoyant locks and sinuous supple blocks like golden sand bursting vigorous into dunes. what a cloudL.behold! 1said out loucL.ifs true I'll never see another quite so grand and proud A ix y m e d e

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The remembering of past things is no reflective matter But is sensational, as when 1stumble on uneven flagstones And evoke, yesterday's sunshine inundating me today. The unequal paving 1teetertottered on in the Piazza de la Signoria One hot summer long since --Like unforecast lightning illuminating Silent inner artesian water for an instant | Unseen otherwise outside of exceptionally-animating spiritual weather -Or touch the massive iron curlicued fence [Of an exactingly-cared-for municipal park. Its fleur-de-lis lance points, hackled harpoon heads. And summon, rushes of previous shudders Rocking my shocked body now, another ferciously-wrought Victorian palissade Steep height sloping to a swift river below Banked by bulrushes by which I, my father, my grandfather, Wailed our first baby's cries. Tall straight row of harsh black stakes I climbed Bursting with bravado, When 1was nine (half a century ago), and fell on. Cold metal piercing my ham through. Hoisting myself off, dragging myself in. Limping, sobbing, bleeding. To a shadowed Edwardian parlor before my visiting parents' horrified eyes, Puckered and w'nnkled like a satiny anus, A penetration as invasive as ultra-sound probing me rectally - WWI1 sonar hunting down hunkered submarines And dropping depth charges Explosively hurtling itself hit-or-miss Against my enlarged prostate to rip off -- Spatial robot — Extra-terrestrial samples for investigative data-gathcring. Have I been insufficiently sodomized in my lifetime. That least-examined erogenous zone not bathed enough? How to fill with plague and condoms, This lack and want. Mindful of my present years, Those of my father's and grandfather's alloted spans'!** ‘( L e Temps retrouve)

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Baseball Romance THE DREYFUS AFFAIR: A LO V E STORY. By P e te r L e fc o u rt. H arper Perennial 1992. $ 12.00 soft. R evieived by G lenn L. S itzm a n T h is is th e f u n n ie s t, m o s t fu n -fille d n o v e l th a t I h a v e re a d in a lo n g tim e . A b a s e b a ll g a m e d o e s n o t n o r m a lly h o ld a g r e a t a ttr a c tio n fo r m e , b u t s e x y b a s e b a ll p la y e r s ( a n d s o m e a re c e rta in ly se x y ), n o w t h a t ’s a d iffe re n t a ttr a c tio n e n tire ly . I o r d e re d th e b o o k w i t h o u t h a v in g re a d a n y k in d o f re v ie w b e c a u s e th e s u b title c a lls it "A L o v e S to ry " a n d I'm a n u t a b o u t th e lo v e s to r ie s o f g a y m e n , re a l o r fic tio n a l. T h is n o v e l is a lo v e sto ry , a n d I w a s n o t d i s a p p o i n t e d . T h e p lo t c e n te r s o n R a n d y D re y fu s a n d D. J. P ic k e tt, th e n a tio n 's t o p - r a te d s h o r ts to p a n d s e c o n d b a s e m a n , re s p e c tiv e ly, p la y in g o n th e s a m e M a jo r L e a g u e te a m a s h a r m o n io u s ly a s o n e s o u l in tw o b o d ie s . A n y g o o d s to r y m o v e s o n c o m p li c a tio n s , a n d th is n o v e l is fu ll o f c o m p lic a tio n s a n d s u r p r i s i n g o u tc o m e s . T h e y b e g in w h e n R a n d y D re y fu s , a h a p p il y m a r rie d w h ite m a le w i t h a fa m ily o f w if e a n d id e n tic a l tw in d a u g h te r s , f in d s h im s e lf w ith a s u d d e n a n d s t r a n g e e ro tic in te re s t in th e b la c k s e c o n d b a s e m a n . T h a t c o m p lic a tio n b e c o m e s c o m p o u n d e d w h e n th e s h o r t s t o p in v ite s th e s e c o n d b a s e m a n to d in n e r, a lo n e a n d fa r fro m h o m e . M o re c o m p lic a tio n s a n d s u r p r is e s follow . T h e m e n b e c o m e lo v e rs , a n d th e ir liv e s e u p h o r ic , till o n e c a re le s s little a c t o f lo v e h a p p e n s to b e s p ie d u p o n a n d n e w s o f th e r e la tio n s h ip is e x p lo d e d o n to th e A m e r ic a n p u b lic ju s t b e fo re th e W o rld S e rie s is to b e g in . F ro m th a t p o i n t m e l o d r a m a ta k e s o v e r a n d le a d s th e lo v e rs ( a n d th e re a d e r ) in to th e m o s t fa n ta s tic a l s itu a tio n s im a g in a b le . E v e n a n u n n a m e d P re s id e n t o f th e U n ite d S ta te s b e c o m e s in v o lv e d to h e lp re s o lv e th e b ig g e s t b l o w u p o f all. A tre a tis e th e n o v e l is n o t; b u t in te lle c tu a l it is ( th o u g h s o m e tim e s c o rn y ), re p le te w ith h is to ric a l a n d lite ra ry a llu s io n s a n d m o d e r n - d a y iro n ie s. B u t a b o v e all, th e n o v e l is fu n . A n d w h e n w e re a c h th e fin al c h a p t e r o f th is c o m e d y o f e r ro r s , w e c a n g iv e a s ig h o f re lie f a n d e x c la im , '’A ll's w e ll th a t e n d s w ell!"

W hen Is PC Not So PC?

THE M YTH OF M A L E POW ER. By W a rre n F a rre ll. R eview ed by John M orrison E v e n th o u g h it is t e m p tin g to fe el c o m p le te ly h o p e le s s in th e w a k e o f th e re c e n t G .O .P. s w e e p o f th e n a tio n , it is i m p o r t a n t to r e m e m b e r th a t th e r e a re still p e o p le a r o u n d w h o d e d ic a te th e ir liv e s to p o s itiv e r e v o lu tio n a n d p r o g r e s s iv e so c ia l change. A n e x c e lle n t e x a m p le fo r a n y o n e w h o h a s e v e r lo v e d m e n is th e b e s t-s e lle r The M y th o f M ale P ow er b y W a rre n F a rre ll, ju s t o u t in p a p e r b a c k . A p io n e e r in g e n d e r is s u e s s in c e h is y e a r s o n th e B o a rd o f T h e N a tio n a l O r g a n iz a tio n o f W o m e n in N.Y .C., Dr. F a rre ll h a s s p e n t th e la s t d e c a d e a d d i n g a n u n d e r s t a n d in g o f th e o p p r e s s io n o f m e n to h is u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f th e o p p r e s s io n o f w o m e n . F lis la te s t b o o k c o m p le te ly b lo w s a w a y th e illu s io n s a n d m is in f o r m a tio n a b o u t m e n th a t h a v e r e d u c e d g e n d e r d ia lo g u e in th is c o u n tr y to a n in tr a c ta b le c o n flic t b e tw e e n fe m in is t h a lf - tr u th s a n d c o n s e rv a tiv e p r e ju d ice . F o r d e c a d e s le s b ia n s h a v e s e e n th e c ritic a l lin k s b e tw e e n b o th th e ir c o n d itio n a s le s b ia n s a n d th e c o n d itio n o f a ll w o m e n a n d h a d th e b e n e fit o f a p o w e r f u l n a tio n a l m o v e m e n t to b u t tre s s th e ir a g e n d a s . It is tim e th a t g a y m e n c a m e to b e n e fit fro m a c o m p le te u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f o u r liv e s a s m e n a n d fro m th e in s ig h t a n d c o m p a s s io n o f a n a tio n a l m e n 's r i g h ts m o v e m e n t — o n e th a t n e e d s o u r i n p u t to ta k e off. S o m e o f th e e x te n s iv e ly d o c u m e n t e d e x a m p le s o f f e m in is t e x a g g e ra tio n a n d d i s h o n e s ty in The M y th o f M ale P ow er w ill sh o c k th o s e in o u r c o m m u n ity w h o h a v e g r o w n c o m f o r ta b le w ith th e n e a tly la id o u t fe m in is t w o r l d v iew . B u t e v e n if th e n a tio n a l d ia lo g u e o n h o w s e r io u s ly w o m e n a re v ic tim iz e d is e x a g g e ra te d o n e t in y b it, th e d a m a g e th is w o u l d c a u s e b y d iv e r tin g a tte n tio n a w a y fro m th e h o lo c a u s ts w i t h t h e h i g h e s t b o d y c o u n ts — A ID S a m o n g g a y m e n , v io le n c e a n d d r u g s a m o n g b la c k m e n , d e a t h s a m o n g h o m e le s s m e n , h e a r t d is e a s e , s u ic id e , c a n c e r, m u r d e r a n d w o r k r e la te d f a ta litie s a m o n g all m e n — w o u l d w a r r a n t a to ta l re -e x a m in a tio n o f g e n d e r p o litic s in A m e ric a .

E v e ry o n e I k n o w w h o h a s r e a d The M y th o f M ale Power h a s h a d th e ir u n d e r s t a n d i n g o f m e n a n d w o m e n tra n s fo rm e d . I n d iv id u a l c h a n g e s lik e thus a re v e ry e n c o u r a g in g w h e n s o c i e ty a s a w h o le is still b e in g d u p e d in to a c c e p tin g th e u n w o r k a b le s o lu tio n s o f th e p a s t.

C h a ra cters O n th e V illa g e S ta g e T E M P L E S L A V E . By R o b e rt P a tric k . M asquerade Press. 801 Second A ven ue, N e w York, N Y 10017. 1994 460 pgs. $ 12.95 soft.

Reviexved by Nora M orse Temple Slave is th e first fic tio n a b o u t N e w Y o rk 's u n d e r g r o u n d th e a t r e s o f th e 1960s. It is fu ll o f ric h , s e n s u a l im a g e s o f u n u s u a l, e n te r ta i n in g p e o p le in a n u n u s u a l, e n te r ta in in g p lac e. It w ill m a k e y o u feel y o u liv e d w ith th o s e p e o p le in th a t p la c e ; it w ill m a k e y o u lo v e b o t h p la c e a n d p e o p le . W h a t a p la c e ! T h e m a in s e ttin g is a w a r m , s m e lly G re e n w ic h V illag e c o ffe e -h o u s e c a lle d th e " E s p re s s o B u o n o ," w h o s e o w n e r, Jo e B u o n o , le ts y o u n g A m e r ic a n s d e p r e s s e d b y th e h id e o u s 1950s p u t o n s h o w s o n h is c a fe floor. T h is s p a r k s a th e a tric a l m o v e m e n t th a t ta k e s u s in to d o z e n s o f p lac es: O th e r th e a tr e s (e a c h w ild ly d iffe re n t a n d c o lo rfu l), d r a b offices, s w a n k y p e n th o u s e s , th e s te a m in g g a y b a th - h o u s e s o f th e p e r io d , a n d c r o w d e d a p a r t m e n t s s h a r e d b y y o u n g a rtists. A n d w h a t p e o p le ! D o m in a tin g th e b o o k 'is Jo e B u o n o , a fat, k in d , fa ile d d a n c e r w h o o p e n s h is d o o r s a n d h is h e a r t to re fu g e e s fro m A m e r ic a n o p p r e s s io n . U r e y in c lu d e p o e ts , p la y w r ig h ts , p e r fo r m e r s , e c c e n tric h a n g e r s - o n , a n d a t la s t th e c ritics a n d o p p o r t u n is ts w h o d e s tr o y th e b e a u tifu l w o r ld Joe B u o n o 's b e a u tif u l n a tu r e h a s c r e a te d — a n d Jo e h im s e lf. Jo e 's m a in s ta y a s th e flo o d o f r e fu g e e s o v e r w h e lm s h im is h is b e a u tifu l b r illia n t lo v e r, Jo h n n y . J o h n n y lo o k s lik e M ic h e la n g e lo 's " D a v i d " a n d ta lk s lik e a p h ilo s o p h e r. T h r o u g h J o h n n y 's ta lk w e c o m e to a n e v e r-ric h e r u n d e r s ta n d in g o f th e d is a s te r a ll th e c h a r a c te rs c o m e o u t of, a n d th e d is a s te r t h e y r u n in to . E v e ry o n e in th e b o o k ta lk s w o n d e rfu lly . I d o n 't re c a ll m o re e n jo y a b le d i a l o g u e in a n A m e ric a n n o v e l. J u s t w h e n y o u 'r e th in k in g " C a n th e y a ll h a v e b e e n th is w itty ? ," th e a u th o r te lls y o u : " N o o n e is t h a t w itty . I ju s t lik e th e s o u n d . A n d I th in k it's a w r i t e r 's d u t y to a r tic u la te w h a t p e o p le w o u l d s a y if th e y c o u ld ." P a tric k fu lfills th is d u ty . E a c h c h a r a c te r r e p re s e n ts a n o th e r a s p e c t o f th e s w in g i n g S ix tie s, a n d th e ir c o n v e r s a tio n s a n d c o m p lic a te d in te r a c tio n s m a k e th a t d e c a d e 's d r iv e s a n d d r e a m s c ry s ta l-c le a r, in a n e n th r a llin g s to r y n e v e r b e fo re to ld . "B o b ," th e n a r r a t o r o f th e n o v e l, is in 1986 a tire d , s a d , fiftyy e a r-o ld p l a y w r ig h t w h o f in d s th e m o d e m w o r ld — t h e a tr i cal a n d n o n - th e a tr ic a l — u n e n d u r a b l y c o r ru p t. H e 's s t r a n d e d in N e w Y ork w h e n a d is h o n e s t p r o d u c e r c lo s e s a s h o w to k e e p h e r e m b e z z le m e n ts h i d d e n . W ith n o th in g to d o , B ob s ta rts a le tte r to a n o ld frie n d fro m th e E s p re s s o B u o n o w h o is n o w th e h e a d o f a c o r r u p t a n d s u c c e s s fu l th e a tre . Temple Slave is B o b 's le tte r, w r i t te n o v e r c u p s o f co ffe e a n d c a rto n s o f c ig a re tte s o v e r a p e r io d o f w e e k s . Bob re a liz e s h o w c o m p u ls iv e h e 's b e in g , to w r ite to h is frie n d s to rie s th e y b o t h a lr e a d y k n o w , b u t th e h o r r o r o f th e p r e s e n t k e e p s d r i v in g h im m o r e a n d m o re in to th e g lo r y o f th e p a st. H e c o m p a r e s h is le tte r to a n O r ig in a l C a s t a lb u m a n d to a c h ild r e n 's p o p - u p b o o k , a n d h e 's rig h t: T h e b o o k h a s a n a ir o f d e ta ile d a u th e n t ic it y t h a t m a k e s it a s fa s c in a tin g a s th o s e "3 -D W ith o u t G la s s e s " p ic tu re s . A n d w h a t p ic tu re s ! H e d e s c rib e s a s tr o llin g b o y 's b a c k s id e a s " d e s c r ib in g in fin ity s ig n s ." A h o m e le s s s u r f e r is " a b e a c h e d b lo n d e ." A m a n in th e b a th s w ith h is fa c e in a p illo w a n d h is a s s in th e a ir " lo o k s lik e a d o l p h in ." P o p A r t a n d th e n o s ta lg ia c ra z e a re " A m e ric a e a t i n g its e lf in fro n t o f a m irro r, lik e a p o m - s ta r ." A fa in tin g j u n k ie " c u r ls u p o n th e s id e w a lk lik e a tu r n ." R ival g a y p la y w r ig h t s " p a s s e a c h o t h e r in sile n c e , lik e q u e e n s o n a c h e s s b o a r d ." O f th e h a p p y c r o w d o f o u tc a s ts a t th e E s p re s s o B u o n o h e s a y s , "W e w e re th e f r ie n d s w e n e v e r h a d in h ig h sc h o o l." E sp e c ia lly d o e s h e c a p t u r e th e a tm o s p h e r e o f th e E s p re s s o B u o n o itse lf, " a lo n g , lo w s h o e -b o x o f a ro o m . L ittle r o u n d ta b le s e v e r y w h e r e . W o o d - a n d - w ir e c h a irs. A tin k le a n d a tw in k le . F a iry b e lls ? ... O v e r h e a d , h u n c h e d th e a tric a l lig h tin g in s tr u m e n ts p e r c h e d o n p ip e s ." T h is d o u b le - im a g e o f F a iry la n d a n d G o th ic h o r r o r p e r s is ts t h r o u g h o u t th e b o o k , 57

m e n tio n s th e w e a th e r, h e 's ju s t m a k in g lig h t c o n v e r s a tio n , n o t a n offer. F ra n k ly , th a t s o u n d s lik e th e id e n tic a l p r o b le m I h a v e h e re in th e S ta te s. T h e a u th o r n o te s th a t g a y t r a v e le r s h a v e s p e c ia l n e e d s , p a r tic u la rly in r e g a rd to c r u is in g , s o h e p r o v i d e s a s e c tio n o f " U s e fu l W o rd s a n d P h r a s e s " n o t f o u n d in o r d i n a r y g u id e b o o k s. I'm n o t so s u r e th e y 'll p r o v e in v a lu a b le . F o r e x a m p le : " A re y o u fre e to m o r r o w ? " (I fin d a lo t o f g u y s a s k m e th is. It's a p o lite w a y to g e t r id o f m e fo r to n ig h t.), " S iz e is n 't i m p o r ta n t to m e " (A s lo n g a s y o u 'r e b re a th in g , y o u 'll d o .), " H o w o ld a re y o u ? " (L ik e a n y g a y m a n is g o in g to a d m i t to b e in g o v e r 22.), "I a lw a y s u s e a c o n d o m " ( a c tu a lly o n ly o n th o s e ra re o c c a s io n s w h e n I h a v e a p a r tn e r ) , "W ill y o u m a r r y m e ? " (Y o u 'd b e a m a z e d h o w in e ffe c tiv e th is is a s a p ic k - u p lin e , e s p e c ia lly w h e n a c c o m p a n ie d b y so b s .), " B a rb ra S tre is a n d ? I 'v e h e a r d d e n tis t d r ills t h a t s o u n d b e tte r!" (U n c o n d itio n a lly g u a r a n t e e d to liv e n u p e v e n th e d u l le s t g a y b a r.), a n d "I m a d e a q u a r te r o f a m illio n d o lla r s la s t y e a r " (I'v e a lw a y s w a n te d to lie in a s e c o n d la n g u a g e .). W h e th e r p l a n n in g a tr ip to P a r is o r n o t, y o u m ig h t e n jo y p e r u s i n g Paris Scene fo r s o m e v ic a r io u s th rills a n d h u m o r.

w h ile th e " fa m ily o f f r ie n d s " a t th e B u o n o c re a te a d r a m a tic D is n e y la n d a n d t h e n w a tc h it d e m o lis h e d b y th e L iv in g D ead. A u t h o r R o b e rt P a tr ic k w a s o n e o f th e e a rly p la y w r ig h ts O ffO ff B ro a d w a y . H e h a s n a m e d h is n a r r a t o r " R o b e rt P a t r ic k / ' b u t th e d o z e n s o f o t h e r c h a r a c te rs a re p r e s e n te d a s fictio n al. If s o m e o f th e m a r e b a s e d o n n o w - f a m o u s p e rs o n a litie s . M is te r P a tric k d i s p l a y s a " D o n 't a s k , d o n 't te ll" a ttitu d e . It is a c lic h e a m o n g w r ite r s th a t y o u c a n tell th e t r u th o n ly in fic tio n . Y ou d o n 't h a v e to c a re o r k n o w a b o u t th e a tre to e n jo y th is lo n g , s tr o n g , o rig in a l n o v e l, b u t a s y o u re a d it y o u w ill c o m e to k n o w a n d c a re a b o u t e v e r y o n e in it. B ob fo llo w s th e m th r o u g h b iz a r r e a n d b e a u tifu l p la y s , th r o u g h ta n g le d b e n e v o le n c e a n d b e tr a y a l, a n d in to th e ir b e d s . N o n o v e l w a s e v e r m o r e h o n e s t a b o u t y o u n g m e n 's s e x u a l o b s e s s iv e n e s s . T h e 6 0 s s w in g e r s a re p o litic a l, too. B ob w r ite s o f a n 8 0 s c risis, " T h e y 'd r a th e r fry M o h a m m e d a n s t h a n try e le c tric c a rs ." A c y n ic a l a c tre s s sa y s , " F o r A m e ric a n s to c ritic iz e S o u th A fric a is ju s t th e p o t c a llin g th e k e ttle w h ite ." 1 h a v e n 't e v e n to ld y o u a b o u t B o b 's a d v e n t u r e s a m o n g th e a r tis ts in S a n ta Fe (o r " F a n ta S e " a s h e c a lls it), o r h is t u r n a s a s e x -s la v e in L o s A la m o s (" T h e A to m ic C ity " ), o r a t a p o o rly r u n s u m m e r th e a tre in M a in e ( " T h e r e 's n o b u s in e s s lik e s h o w b u s in e s s " ) , o r a h ila r io u s a c id - tr ip a t a n im p ro v is a tio n a l a c tin g c la ss. In fa ct, I h a v e n 't s c r a p e d th e s u rfa c e o f th is b ig , b u r s t i n g b o o k . I'll le a v e y o u to s c ra tc h it — a n d its s o real th a t y o u c a n p ra c tic a lly s c ra tc h -a n d -s m e ll.

S H O R T

R E V I E W S

S E N S U O U S SP IR IT U A L IT Y : O u t F ro m F u n d a m e n ta lis m . By V irg in ia R a m e y M o lle n k o tt. C r o s s r o a d , $12.95 so ft. M a n y v a rie tie s o f f u n d a m e n ta lis m e x ist. T h is is th e s to r y o f a jo u r n e y fro m o n e s u c h c lo s e d w o r l d to a v ie w o f th e se lf a n d th e D iv in e th a t is s e n s u o u s a n d m y s tic a l, th a t re c o g n iz e s th e b e a u ty a n d g o o d n e s s a t th e h u m a n c o re , a n d th a t w o r k s fo r so c ia l c h a n g e fro m w ith in . A C C E P T A B L E RISKS. By J o n a th o n K w itn y . P o s e id o n P re ss, $24 h a rd . T h is in v e s tig a tiv e jo u r n a lis t fo r T h e W all S tre e t J o u rn a l p r e s e n ts a s w e e p in g e x p o s e o f th e c o r r u p t i o n fo u n d in th e A ID S c risis, a c c u s in g b u r e a u c r a ts , d o c to rs , s c ie n tists, a n d p h a rm a c e u tic a l c o m p a n ie s o f tr a d i n g th e liv e s o f p a tie n ts fo r p ro fits . T h e s to r y is to ld t h r o u g h th e e x p e rie n c e s o f tw o p r o m in e n t g ra s s ro o ts a c tiv is ts w h o w o r k e d fo r d r u g a n d in fo rm a tio n a v a ila b ility , M a rtin D e la n e y a n d Jim C o rti. S T R A N G E L O O K IN G EX ILE #1, #2, & #3. By R o b e rt K irby, e t al. G ia n t A s s P u b lis h in g , $3 e a c h . A q u e e r c o m ix 'z in e w ith a u to b io g r a p h ic a l s to r ie s o f w o r k life, g r o w i n g u p , a n d o th e r to p ic a l su b je c ts. F R O M N O O N T O A STA RRY N IG H T : A L ife o f W alt W h itm a n . By P h ilip C a llo w . Iv a n R. D e e , $28.50 h a r d . P u b lis h e d o n th e 10 0 th a n n iv e r s a r y o f W h it m a n 's d e a th , th is ly ric a l te llin g o f th e p o e t's life q u o te s lib e ra lly fro m h is w o r k a n d fle s h e s o u t h is r ic h n e s s a n d in tric a c ie s a s a " s tr a ig h t e r " b i o g r a p h y c o u ld n o t d o . K E IT H F IA R IN G : Tine A u th o r iz e d B io g ra p h y . By J o h n G ru e n . F ire sid e , $15 so ft. C a n d id r e fle c tio n s fro m th e s p i r i t e d s tre e t a r tis t— w h o s e c o lo rfu l, s im p lifie d fig u re s n o w g ra c e m illio n s o f te e s h irts , b u t to n s , a n d w a lls — a re c o m b in e d w ith th e w o r d s o f th o s e w h o k n e w h im . V IO L E N C E A G A IN S T L E S B IA N S A N D G A Y M E N . By G a r y D a v id C o m s to c k . C o lu m b ia U n iv e r s ity P re s s , $14.95 so ft. B e g in n in g w ith a n o v e r v ie w o f th e e m e r g e n c e o f g a y n e ig h b o r h o o d s in m a jo r U.S. c itie s a f te r W W11, C o m s to c k d e s c rib e s h o w th e in c re a s e d v is ib ility w a s f o llo w e d b y p h y s ical a tta c k s th a t w e r e ille g a l b u t s o c ia lly s a n c tio n e d . H e th e n p r e s e n ts h is re s u lts fro m s t u d y i n g p r e s e n t - d a y v io le n c e a n d c o m p a r e s it w ith d a ta fo u n d in f e d e r a lly - g a th e r e d s ta tis tic s . W H E N G O D B E C O M E S A D R U G . B y F a th e r L e o B o o th . T a r c h e r /P e r ig r e e , $12.95 so ft. U s in g th e A .A . 1 2 -ste p m o d e l o f a d d ic tio n , F a th e r L eo g iv e s s to r ie s o f tr e a tm e n t o f th o s e h o o k e d o n re lig io n a n d th e g u i l t / f o r g i v e n e s s cy cle. H e la y s o u t a p ra c tic a l re c o v e ry p r o g r a m . O U T O F T H E B IS H O P 'S C L O SE T . By A n to n io F eliz. A la m o S q u a re , $12.95 so ft. T h e c o m in g o u t s to r y o f a M o r m o n p rie s t, in c lu d in g h is c u r r e n t life. D R A G O N W IT H IN T H E G A T E S. By Dr. S te v e n J o s e p h . C a rro ll & G ra f, $20.95 h a r d . A n M .D . tra c e s th e A ID S e p i d e m ic fro m its b e g in n in g , p r e d ic ts th a t th e w o r s t is still to c o m e , a n d w a r n s th a t o u r h e a lth -c a r e s y s te m is w o e f u lly i n a d e q u a te to h a n d le it. A ID S , G O D A N D F A IT H . By R o n a ld L o n g a n d J. M ic h a e l C la rk . M o n u m e n t P re ss , $7.00 so ft. T h e a u th o r s p r o v id e in s ig h t in to th e is s u e s o f A ID S a n d re lig io u s fa ith , d e ta ilin g th e in tim a te re la tio n s h ip o f P W A s a n d th e ir G o d .

G allic G a d a b o u t P A R IS S C E N E . By L a u re n c e P h illip s. G M P Publishers, P O 247, London N 1 7 9Q R , England R e v ie w e d b y R o n A b r a y tis T h e re is s o m e th in g e x q u is ite ly ro m a n tic a b o u t r e a d in g a tr a v el g u i d e to P a ris e v e n if, lik e m e , y o u h a v e v ir tu a lly n o c h a n c e o f g e ttin g th e r e a n y tim e th is c e n tu ry . I w a s th e re fo r a w e e k te n y e a r s a g o (O h y e s, I'v e b e e n a r o u n d ), a n d Paris Scene is g iv in g m e id e a s . It m a k e s fo r fa s c in a tin g (if w istfu l) re a d in g . Paris Scene is a c o m p r e h e n s iv e g u i d e to g a y P a ris, s ta r tin g w ith a ir fa re s, (u n fo rtu n a te ly , P h illip s ta lk s p r im a r ily a b o u t a ir fa re s fro m G re a t B rita in , s in c e t h a t 's w h e r e h is b o o k is p u b lis h e d ) , b a n k s , p u b lic t r a n s p o r ta tio n (h e m a k e s th e M e tro s o u n d lik e p a r a d i s e c o m p a r e d to th e fe tid s w a m p w h ic h is th e s u b w a y o f m y C h ic a g o ), c re d it c a r d s . .. in g e n e ra l, e v e r y th in g y o u 'll n e e d to k n o w . T h e h e a rt o f th e b o o k , o f c o u rs e , is a g u id e to g a y b a rs , r e s t a u r a n ts a n d s h o p p in g . I lo v e s o m e o f th e n a m e s . W e fin d o u t th a t a r e s t a u r a n t c a lle d " A u R e n d e z v o u s d e s C a m i o n n e u r s " tr a n s la te s in to " T ru c k e rs ' P ick U p ." T h e n t h e r e 's a g ift s h o p c a lle d " H o m m e S w e e t H o m m e ." A n o th e r b a r is c a lle d th e " C a fe M o u s ta c h e " (in te re s tin g p o ss ib ilitie s ). U n f o r tu n a te ly , m o s t o f th e p la c e s m e n tio n e d s o u n d r a th e r c r a m p e d . T y p ic a l d e s c rip tio n s a re: " D in e rs p a c k e d e lb o w to e lb o w e n jo y e a c h o t h e r s ' c o m p a n y " , " H o w th e p la c e m a n a g e s to c ra in s o m a n y g u e s ts in to s u c h a tin y ro o m r e m a in s a m y s te r y " , a n d " w a ll to w a ll m o v ie p e o p le ." W h ile th e s e p la c e s d o n 't a p p e a l to m e , o n e w h ic h d o e s is c a lle d T h e S w in g (n ic e F re n c h n a m e ) w h e r e p a tr o n s a re p r o v i d e d w i t h a n e x te n s iv e s e le c tio n o f th e d a y 's n e w s p a p e r s . S o u n d s lik e m y k in d o f p la c e . F o rg e t D o n n a S u m m e r a n d T h e V illa g e P e o p le ; g iv e m e a p itc h e r o f b e e r a n d a s ta c k o f p a p e r s a n d I'll b e o n e h a p p y q iie e n . If th e y o p e n e d a lib ra ry th a t s e r v e s liq u o r, I'd n e v e r le a v e . T h e s tre e ts s o u n d lik e a n e x p e rie n c e in th e m s e lv e s . P h illip s m e n tio n s o n e d is tr ic t w h e r e " fe m a le p r o s titu te s d re s s u p in b r ig h t a n d g la m o r o u s o u tfits , b a b y -d o ll n ig h tie s , re d a n d le a th e r, im p r o b a b le m a k e - u p , a n d g e n e ra lly ta k e s u c h c a re in th e ir a p p e a r a n c e th a t th e y c o u ld b e m is ta k e n fo r th e c h o r u s lin e o f a B ob F o s se r a u n c h y re m a k e o f a D is n e y m o v ie ." W e a ls o fin d th a t P a ris is in th e th r o e s o f a J a m e s D e a n c ra z e , r e s u ltin g in p e r p e t u a l s c re e n in g s o f Rebel W ith o u t a Cause a n d G iant, w ith u b i q u it o u s c lu s te r o f te e n a g e b o y s h a n g in g o u t in le a th e r a n d d e n im (P a ris is s o u n d i n g n ic e r a ll th e tim e .) P h illip s in f o r m s u s th a t th e a tm o s p h e r e in P a ris b a r s is m o re re la x e d a n d less p r e d a t o r y t h a n w e m a y b e u s e d to. W h e n a m a n a s k s y o u fo r a c ig a re tte , h e re a lly w a n ts a c ig a re tte . If h e 58

The Madonna Descending Madonna’s Bedtime Stones. Produced b\ Maverick Recording Co.

For a long time now I've believed that Madonna has turned into a has-been. Is it possible. 1 wondered, that after pushing so many buttons in our culture. Madonna can't be enough of a bad girl to shock anvone anymore? Or perhaps she doesn’t know how to do the '90’s as well as the '80's? Let's face it -- her latest personae have been a bore, and every new costume she put on further diminished her chances to eventually disappear from the public eye with any amount of grace. One thing I did know' though: no matter what one thinks of Madonna’s talent (or lack of it) as a performer, singer, actor or dancer, she is one powerful woman! And she didn't reach this status by being a docile, quiet or nice woman. Rather, for over a decade, she has been outrageously challenging major social taboos, especially around sex. religion and any combination of the tw'o. And that was plenty for me to decide that no matter how "over her" 1 get, she did earn an eternal seat in mv Loud-Mouthed Power-Crazy Bitch Goddess Hall of Fame. Still, I definitely was over her. Until I heard Bedtime Stories. Let’s start with an obvious observation: there is not one traditional disco song in this album. Instead the beat is much more slow, teasing and sensuous. You might not want to dance wildly to this album, but it is definitely an album you would love to fuck to. (And make sure it is on loop play.) You see, when Madonna sings (in "Don't Stop"), "Bring your body over/Baby let me bump you/...Don't stop doing what you're doing baby/Keep moving, keep moving," she is reminding us of the ecstasy we can discover when we let go of social norms and give in to the rhythms of our bodies, on the dance floor or between the sheets. But Bedtime Stories is not just a good fucking album. It is a good album, period. For one thing, it is probably Madonna's most personal, honest, and revealing, as well as (Ready for this?) spiritual statement. I found that the key was to listen to the words and not just groove on the music. Bedtime Stories is exactly that; Madonna is going to sleep for awhile. In her own words (in the title song) "Today is the last day/ that I'm using words/ They've gone out/ lost their meaning/ Don't function anymore/...Leaving logic and reason/ traveling to the arms of unconsciousness." The spiritual focus of this album is not just the joy in one's body, but also in the courage to look inside and know when it’s time to withdraw and dream. However, before descending into her unconsciousness. Madonna does have a few words to say to all those who have been

trashing her sacrilegious eccentricity. "You punished me for telling you my fantasies/ For breaking all the rules I didn't make/...Did I say something true?/ Oops. I didn't know I couldn't talk about sex/ (Must have been crazy)/ Did I have a point of view?/ Oops. 1 didn't know I couldn't talk about you/ (What was I thinking?)" (from "Human Nature.") True, Madonna is not known for subtlety. You can't find much nuance or many deep metaphors in "I'm not you bitch/ Don't hang your shit on me" (from the same song), but you can really feel Madonna's hurt underneath her rage, empathize with it and say to her. "Go on, Girl!" Apart from this one song, the general mood of this album is very introverted. When Madonna speaks to some fuckbuddy or ex-lover, it feels as if her intention and focus come from a deeply centered place; relationships are not just light and frolic, but also a lesson in loving oneself. "Happiness lies in your own hand/ It took me much too long to understand/ How it could be/ Until you shared your secret with me" ("Secret") "I will always have youI inside of me/ Even though you’re gone/ Love still carries on/ love/ Inside of me" "Inside o f Me") "Who needs the light/ With the darkness in your eyes/ Who needs to sleep/ With the stars in the sky/...It's here in your arms I want to be buried/ You are my sanctuary" ("Sanctuary")

photos by Patrick Demarchelier

For anyone who loves Madonna, this album offers an insight into Madonna the person rather than just the performer, and perhaps this is what’s so new about this album and about where Madonna is nowadays. No longer running away from herself. Madonna, like all the other Goddesses who know when it's time to descend into the underworld, is ready to withdraw inside and embrace pain, loneliness and fear. For the time being, the material girl is taking a bow. This is her ultimate bedtime story. Here she is. a diva after the fall, looking in the mirror, seeing everything she ever was or was perceived to be. and saying to herself, "Take a bow/ The night is over/ This masquerade is getting older. Lights are low/ Ihe curtains are down/ There's no one here in the crowd/...The show is over/ Say goodbye." ("Take a Bow") Good night, sweet Goddess. Our love is with you wherever you go. We'll be here when you are ready to return from the underworld and share with us the stories you are yet to dream. 59

Tt&msm&sumQ otcsz â&#x2013; pxvs?tvs TED BIRTH *GIDGET

I reconnected with Ted during this period when Northwest faerie activities flourished during the mean Reagan years. Ted was the queen registrar for the 1987 Breitenbush gathering and strongly advocated the concept of "no one will be turned away due to lack of fundsâ&#x20AC;? for all faerie functions.

May 17, 1959 till October 16, 1994 Ted passed while asleep after his long struggle from complications associated with HIV infection.

Ted was also involved with the core circle which established Magadallen Farm at Wolf Creek, Oregon as a permanent West Coast faerie sanctuary.

I first met Ted early 1982 when we both lived in San Francisco. He was involved in another relationship then so we didn't connect romantically till later.

Next he tried to bring together working faerie artists to create an artists' community on a piece of land called "Goldenâ&#x20AC;? close to Wolf Creek. This vision pulled us together. Over the summer of 1987 a bond grew between us as we worked together to create "Golden."

Ted remembered me dancing shirtless at the STUD, (a Folsom St. bar) and 1 remember his ceramic wares, art, water pipes, and moon faced bongs. Ted was also notorious for his marijuana cookies, which livened many parties.

We first made love in the back seat of a black 1969 Cadillac August 1987 while returning from Golden as a forest fire raged in the hills beyond the freeway. The "Golden" dream fell through, but by then a strong love had grown between us. I moved to Portland March of 1988 to live with Ted. We had both tested positive for HIV November of 1987. By then we both had lost many friends and intimates to HIV.

Ted had moved to San Francisco from Georgia in 1981 after attending one of the early radical faerie gatherings in New Mexico. From that experience he gained his nickname "Gidget." During 1982 he traveled to the Short Mountain Sanctuary in Tennessee and connected many San Francisco friends with the community there.

We had seven years of learning, adventure, loving, pathos, art and life. Ted baked large batches of varied cookies which he delighted in giving to friends and loved ones. Thrift stores were always a passion irresistible.

The first time I seriously had a memorable talk with Ted was at his moving party spring of 1984 when he and his then lover, Fred, moved to southwest Oregon to rent a farm with pottery studio and firing kilns. From there he acquired his business name of "Fir Tree Pottery" from a large tree in the meadow.

We bought a house together, kept many animals, mourned lost friends, always hoped for more time together. Last spring we traveled back to Georgia and Tennessee. Upon returning he suffered a massive stroke and everything I loved about him faded and wasted away slowly. He was able to stay in his beloved room till almost the end, suffering greatly with severe dementia and also becoming childlike, and seeing visions.

Ted's farm period was a tumultuous time for him, going for long periods without electricity, chopping wood for cooking and heating, and tending cows and goats. Ted produced many ceramic wares during this period, but not enough to pay the bills. Alone and destitute at the farm in 1986, Ted moved to Portland.

January 27, 1973 - December 11, 1994

Jason Doemel died of AIDS at the tender age of 21 on December 11, 1994. Jason was a whirlwind of creative energy, singing, painting, making jewelry, talking a mile a minute. Fie lived briefly at Wolf Creek in Oregon, and visited Short Mountain in the Fall of 1993. Fie is well remembered here for his brilliant channeling of Ricki Lee Jones in a gathering no talent show. Though our acquaintance was fleeting, his loss is deeply felt.

A"KD £01)S V OTtSS . . . Greg

Scott

b / 2 ‘» / 5 7

l I / l l / ‘I I

Grt»g w a s a lo v o r o f lht» w ih lo r n o ss, p a r tic u la r ly th e m o n n ta in s o f \ o r t h G eo rg ia v h o p p ho w a s b o rn an d r a ised . G rog liv e d m o st o f h is ad u lt l i f e in A tla n ta and sp e n t m a n y y e a r s in th e tr u c k in g a n d r e s ta u r a n t b u s in e s s e s . T h e la st y e a r s o f h is l i f e w e r e d e v o te d to w a r d s p u b lish in g h is p o e tr y an d h is n o v e ls wi t h s tr o n g f e m a le h e r o in e s . G reg w a s a fu n lo v in g an d g e n e r o u s m an , an d he w ill be d e a r ly m issed .

A CLEAR MIDNIGHT This is th y hour O S oul th y fre e flig h t into th e wordless, A w a y fro m books, a w a y fro m art, th e d ay erased, th e lesson done. Thee fully fo rth e m e rg in g , silent, gazing, p o n d e rin g th e th e m e s th o u loviest best, N ight, sleep, d e a th a n d th e stars W alt W hitm an

a v id

V o ic e s O v e r T h e R

M. L

in d a h l

iv e r I run from the river

I am swelling

where the world

in the half yellow light I have fallen under.

A crash o f green surrounds

I am not alone.

where we have been. I must go.

I take him in my mouth

I am tired and swallow all I can,

thinking absolutely nothing as the thick afternoon o f his desire finishes inside me, then he says thanks and is gone.

AARON RUBENSTEIN

falling through the day. I wipe my fleshy mouth again and again, a city o f fear littered within me.

is deciding to end, where I hear voices over the water. I hear the dead making love. Voices just outside what I have ever heard

Born in 1957, David Mark Lindahl grew up in Ledyard. Connecticut. He obtained a degree in landscape architecture from the U of W VA in 1979. David studied writing at The Lott in Minneapolis, and served for several years as an editor for The James While Review. A poet and performance artist, he was also a gay and AIDS activist, serv ing as staff for the Minnesota AIDS Interfaith Council and co-founding the faerie HIV Action Group. Among the radical faeries he was known as Daisy and he loved the woods at Kawashaway Sanctuary in Northern Minnesota. Before his death in the fall of 1994 a chap hook of his poems, Voices Over the River, was published. In his last two years of serious HIV illness he was lovingly supported by a constellation of friends, family and caregivers at the "House of Abbey" (his home in Mn, named after his Scottish Terrier.) 61

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The place is Celaenae, if one may judge by the springs and the cave, Marsyas has gone away either to watch his sheep or because the contest is over Do not praise the water; for, though it looks sweet and placid, you will find Olympus sweeter He sleeps after having played his flute, a tender young youth lying on the flowers, whilst the moisture on his forehead mingles with the dew o f the meadow, and Zephyrus summons him by breathing on his hair, and he breaths in response to the wind, drawing the air from his lungs Reeds already yielding music lie beside Olympus, and so are the tools with which the holes are bored in the pipes A band of Satyrs gaze lovingly upon the youth, ruddy grinning creatures, one desiring to touch his breast, another to embrace his neck, another eager to pluck a kiss, they scatter flowers over him and worship him as if he were a divine image, and the cleverest of them draws out the tongue of the second pipe which is still warm and eats it, thinking he is thus kissing Olympus, and he says he tasted the boy's breath

The above text is from a first century manuscript entitled Thilostratus Imagines" The author, Philostratus, is attending the games at Naples He is visiting the posh villa of a prominent aristocrat. The walls of the villa are decorated with many paintings by various artists dq)icting scenes from mythological tales. " The idea had already occured to me that I ought to speak in praise of the paintings, when the son of my host, quite a young boy, only ten years old but already an ardent listener and eager to learn, kept wacthing me as I went from one to another and asking me to interpret them So in order that he might not think me ill-bred, 1 said we will make them a subject o f a discourse when the young men come " The remainder of the manuscript contains the discourses for all the paintings. 1 am presenting to you the chapter called "SATYRS" which I think provides an intresting insight into their true nature

Thanks to Stephen Scurlettis 62

EAST TENNESSEE M ECCA FARM M e c c a F a rm is situated in the splendor o f mountainous cast Tennessee Mecca is a center for an ever expanding community o f artists, healers and seekers o f many kinds, dedicated to the precepts o f right relations, planetary peace and abundant living for all. M ecca is an open, unrestricted space in which one may re-connect with the essential truths w ithin A place o f peace and jov The house, land and other spaces are open to you to manifest beauty in any form or medium Studio spaces are at present primitive, but with helping hands the dream becomes teal So we at M ecca inv ite you to share in the grow th o f an idea, to participate in the building o f community Neither a motel nor a resort, we simply arc as we are- a safe and fun space awaiting you For the next layer o f the onion, contact us at Mecca! Blessings and balance, Adam R Howard, Non Director M ecca Farm. Rt 9. Box 221, R ogersville. TN 37857

COMMUNITIES ¥ (G) CONTACT (g)C O

<7fe purpose o f th is column is to provide a xvay fo r g a y comm unities to increase their outreach as xvtft as to highlight contact Letters from persons interested in livin g communally. I t is my hope th a t people may Be inspired to reach out an d ta fe another step tow ards a new xvay o f Being. Share your own interests in Hiring communally. Send subm issions to: Phil Woodward, Com m unities Contact, Rd, Dowelltown, TN 37059

CENTRAL PENNSYLVANIA: CHRISTLANSBRUNN BROTHERHOOD C h ris tia n s b ru n n is a g a y, " p o st C h ristia n " re lig io u s clo ister. H ere is a n excerp t fr o m th e ir b ro ch u re:

"Through our spirit songs, we remain one in the spirit throughout the day, acting in harmony as we protect, heal and nurture our Mother Earth, an incarnation o f the Holy Spirit That is our rule, devotion, work and joy. It requires focus, discipline and isolation, which is why we separate ourselves to a cloister in an isolated mountain valley o f central Pennsylvania. We look to the future by preserving and maintaining the best o f the past in the present. We live with the blessings o f self sufficiency. W e choose the level o f technology that allows us to live in harmony with the earth- carrying water from the spring and lighting with candles " Bro Johannes. Christiansbrunn Cloister, Rd 1, Box 149, Pitman, PA 17964

904 V ickers Hollow

P erh a p s y o u a r e n o w liv in g in a n a p a r tm e n t, th in k in g a b o u t liv in g in th e

country, hut a fr a id , a s k in g . 'W h a t w o u ld Id o f o r a liv in g ? H o w w o u ld I m e et n ew g a y fr ie n d s ? H o w w ill / le a rn a ll o f th e th in g s / w ill n e e d to k n o w to g e t b y ? ' S o m e o f th e a r tic le s h e re in R F D c a n h e lp y o u lo o k p a s t y o u r fe a r s b y c a p tu rin g your im a g in a tio n w ith s to rie s o f w h a t th is r u r a l e x fierie n ce is f o r som e. I th in k th is is a w r y im p o r ta n t ro le f o r R F D . B u t w h a t a b o u t th e se p r a c tic a l c o n s id e r a tio n s ? A c tu a lly , th e s e p r o b le m s a r e a d d r e s s e d s o m e w h a t b y c o m m u n a l livin g . A g r o u p th a t w orks w ell to g e th e r b e c o m e s th e s o u r c e f o r n e w f a m i l y a m i fr ie n d s . P lu s th e resources, im a g in a tio n , k n o w led g e , e n e r g y a n d s h e e r g r a v ity o f s e v e r a l fie o p le u n ite d is f a r g r e a te r th a n th a t o f th e s a m e se v e r a l p e o p le liv in g in d e p e n d en tly . S o I u rg e sou o u t th e re d r e a m in g o f liv in g y o u r life e n v e lo p e d w ith in th e c a re a m i b e a u ty o f nature, c h o o sin g m o r e b a s ic ta sks a s y o u r d a ily w o rk a n d s h a rin g y o u r life w ith a s u p p o r tin ' g r o u p o f fr ie n d s , m a k e th is y o u r life. G et o u t a n d e x p lo r e o p tio n s . B u t be rea d y to c h a n g e- a m i ch a n g e a lot. W hat y o u h a w to f e a r is n o t la c k o f m o n e y , o r lo n e lin e ss , o r la c k o f skill. It is th e u n k n o w n p r o c e s s o f le ttin g g o o f s o m u c h o f y o u r s e l f w h a t y o u th in k y o u k n o w a n d d o n 't k n o w , y o u r o ld p a tte r n s o f th in k in g , e ve n m a n y o f y o u r e m o tio n s - a s y o u learn to liv e a m i b o n d w ith a n e w g r o u p o f p eo p le. This s e e m s to b e th e g r e a te s t c h a llen g e in m y o w n r u r a l c o m m u n ity life. B u t th e g r e a te s t r e w a r d is th e n to rediscover a n d r ea ssert y o u r s e lf in a w a y th a t is c le a re r a m i truer. W h a t m o re w o u ld yo u a sk o f life a nyw a y'?

VERMONT: Those Cute DESTINETTES Excerpt from “Sanctuary or Bust” by Sticky: D e s tin y L o d g e , a Faerie community in Vermont, hosted the "S a n ctu a ry o r B u s t" gathering from Friday, N ov 25th through Sunday, Nov 27th. 1994. The gathering was called to revive our quest for our collective dream home in the Northeast, F a erie C a m p D estin y. The faeries had raised over $8,(XX) (and an additional $8,000 had been pledged) as a down payment hoping to buy the Life and Light Center, the current home o f D e s tin y L o d g e . The land was sold in July, 1994 and the Destinettes decided to continue to live on the land as renters while they continued the land search. The gathering began w'ith a vision circle on Friday night where we all made our own little personal “inner journey" to a F a e rie C a m p D e stin y of the future. Wc walked (some flew ) around inside the space, seeing the shapes and the colors, hearing the hums and the twitters, sm elling the perfumes and the odors, drinking in the love vibes and basking in the warm erotic glow . When we came back from our guided journey we wrote down and drew' what we had witnessed. Then we shared our visions in the circle. These visions had strange and uncanny resemblances to one another, as if we had all been to exactly the same place ( were we all psychic or what?). We spent all day Saturday (and I mean all day) discussing more nitty-gritty, less airy-fairy matters such as: where should the sanctuary be located, what arc our minimum requirements for the land, how could we raise money for a down payment, how could we sustain the sanctuary economically? The closing circle on Sunday was a group tag team wrestling match with those evil inseparable Siam ese twins, M ONEY and POWER. N eedless to say, the exchange got quiet heated and emotional, as It does whenever these twins enter the ring. • Once the circle had trounced these twins (at least for the time being) and the dust had settled, we came to see that, for all the seemingly unavoidable conflicts and squabbles among Faerie folk, what unites us is a burning desire for a p la c e o f o u r o w n , apart from a world hell-bent on waste, ugliness, conformity, repression and destruction, where w e can work out our True Faerie Destinies. We were left with the realization that such a place is within our grasp and that it is not just the stuff o f dreams. The quest for sanctuary continues. Since the gathering, the Destinettes have traveled to Southern Vermont to look at possible sites for a sanctuary ( thanks to Howie Sw ish). Right now, w e are gearing up for fundraising efforts. We are planning to host a Spring Equinox Gathering (March 17-19, 1995) which would focus on the topic o f fundraising as well as on the land search. In the meantime, we would welcom e any “input” from other faeries regarding the fundraising or the land search efforts, as well as any contributions o f time or (even) money. (Suggested dues for 1995 memberships are $50 Make checks out to F a e rie C a m p D estin ies. In c .) PULEEEEEEZ! Wc ncececed your help! You can contact us at Destiny Iaxlge, P.O Box 88. Northfield, VT 05663 PH (8 0 2 )4 8 5 6668

NORTH CENTRAL FLORIDA This is a call to any persons interested in the formation o f a North Central Florida Faerie Sanctuary/Collective. As the core o f what we hope w ill become a larger group o f individuals united in realizing this goal, we welcom e your ideas, skills, energy and suggestions. We propose looking for rural land, not too far from Gainesville, in Alachua County, as such a location can offer the beauty o f living amidst rolling hills, mossdraped Live Oaks and flowing creeks, with the employment and cultural advantages of a small, university city. The climate here is typically hot, with clear mornings and afternoon showers in the summer, and mild, dry winters. It is not tropical, as it generally freezes for a couple o f hours each year. Within a short drive are hundreds of lakes; rivers and crystal-clear springs not to mention both coasts. Peace to you all! Mattison Whitney and Phil Lamb, 3310 N.W . 4th Street, Gainesville, FL 32609 ATLANTA, GEORGIA It’s Spring again and the M o n a s te r y o f th e H e a lin g S p ir it is once again looking for new personnel. We need Healers o f any persuasion, plant Faeries, carpenters and a secretary. Also w elcom e are apprentices to these. If you want to do something different with your life, this may be your place. The Monastery is a unique community. We are dedicated to the physical, emotional and spiritual healing processes. We teach alternative medicine, currently traditional Chinese. We cultivate 250 herbs which we prepare use and market. Our spiritual path follow s such healers as Jesus o f Nazareth, Buddha, Po Chi, and Martin Luther King Jr. We are out o f the closet everywhere. If you want an enjoyable and worthwhile experience on this plane, write: Crazy Owl, Abbot, Monastery o f the Healing Spirit, 2304 Flat Shoals Rd, Atlanta, GA 30316

HAWAII Aloha from IM A G IN E , a nascent Faerie Pcrmaculture community in paradise IM A G IN E , a circle o f loving companions with the shared intention o f simple whole living close to nature. IM A G IN E , a refuge from urban blight, heteromedia programming, indoorism, and the mutant civilization. IM A G IN E , a sanctuary for reawakening the spiritual Oneness with each other and tire Earth. IM A G IN E , a dream in progress, a brotherhood o f men. We live o ff the grid (no power/watcr/phone) in rural Hawaii on Kilauea, very near the current lava flow. We are hand clearing the jungle thicket to plant fruit trees and gardens, and designing Gilligan’s Island style shelters using native materials. We landance naked year round, grow food, honor the Oneness and live simply Wc seek motivated, healthy, independent gardeners, artisans, builders, craftsmen, musicians, c» al to visit and share in creating a common dream. Guests 2B please send a brief bio and photo to: IMAGINE, PO 1463, Pahoa. HI 96778 ^

LOUISIANA LAND TO SHARE I have 27 acres o f fertile, wooded land and seek gay guys to share it with me. It is secluded and private but not isolated. N ew Orleans is an easy 90 minute drive so big city life is available when the urge hits. There is a water well, grid electricity, propane gas, a small pond, tw o septic tanks and a small storage building that could be temporary housing. The warm climate allow s a garden to be productive most of the year. Living costs are minimal as there are no mortgage or rent costs to pay. This is an excellent opportunity for guys who want an alternative rural life and have the ability to do the physical work required, but lack funds to purchase land. Perhaps we could establish a small community. I am open to all suggestions so write with your thoughts. GJR. P. O. B ox 523, Franklinton, LA 70438

4 r ,,

COMPOSTING THE GAY LIFESTYLE The thrill of going to my outhouse every morning titillates my sensibilities, waking up and walking ten minutes through the woods, I climb up the ramp into the composting treehouse toilet and relax. No linoleum tile, no flushing water, just me and my re fertilization of the planet. I can hear the sound of my gift returning to the earth, knowing it will soon be nutritious and yummy food for the daffodil Is planted just outside the rock wall composter. It is enough to make you feel like one big organic vegetable! Sound enticing? Build a composting toilet. T h e y ’re fun! They're easy! They're ecological! What could be nicer than giving Mother Earth back her nutrients rather than sending vile matter through her blood stream into the human water supply. This is just one of the fun projects to be had when you move to the country! And since you've decided to move to the country, why not do it with fellow queer folk. Pun fabulous friends in tranquil and nurturing nature. I t ’s fun! It's easy! It's rewarding! Yep! Fags all over are finding out how thrilling moving back to the land is. Sure there are rednecks and baptists, but once one begins to search, interesting and open people can be found. How wonderful to find out that places like even here in the backwoods of Tennessee can be a gay ghetto of sorts, with around thirty residence between Short Mountain and IDA, plus numerous "family" members as neighbors it's a veritable downtown Tennessee. Sure the nearest queer bar is an hour away, but who needs it when you can dress your barn up and have one helluva queerbilly hoedown. in fact we are experiencing quite an emigration boom around here lately, with several new friends planning to move into the area and others expressing interest maybe we will open that bar soon. (Rumor has it Short Mountain is planning to add one onto their bathhouse). Queer folk are discovering what I found out several years ago. That living rurally is where I want to be, and be networking with and supporting others who want to do the same, a strong supportive environment can be created easily and a fabulous circle of friends can be found. Life here at IDA has confirmed this for me. which is important, why with all the projects you will want to start you

:b £ °%

N &%4 S #4

will need some help. That's one of the best bonuses of living out here, working together with people in your community can achieve tremendous results. Just this Fall IDA and Short Mountain jointly planted 600 feet of garlic, enough to supply us all for the year. The composting treehouse toilet started by Brett, was completed by someone else, only to have several others working on it in the interim. Project possibilities are abundant. Have you ever tried decorating 243 acres? The entire notion of work will change when you move to the country. By living a more selfsufficient lifestyle you can choose what times you wish to take on tasks. Of course, Mother Nature will help you decide when to chop wood, plant vegetables, and turn your compost. It all comes in learning to live in tune with the Earth. You will probably even loose the word "work" from your vocabulary when you realize all the projects and tasks you take on directly benefit you and your community. Not some billion dollar profit corporation you work for who will give you a fraction of your efforts back.

That's

itl

You’re

convinced!

Renounce materialism! Become gainfully unemployed and move to the country with a bunch of your fag and/or dyke friends today. Besides have you ever been able to shit looking at the sun set over the mountain in some corporate workplace?

\ Covfli&T Let cT‘ e%S£ , (R JTD p rin ts contact letters free o f charge W e also provide a free forw arding service fa r readers who prefer not to publish their address. (Donations however, aregreatly appreciated W e in sist th a t your letters Se S rief (under2 0 0 w ords) an d a fter this issue w ill return any th a t are longer. W e also a s f th a t you Se p o sitive in sta tin g your preferences. Saying *9\(p* to a particular tra it or characteristic may unnecessarily offen d a Brother. W e reserve the right to correct spelling an d ed it as w e see f i t (Feelfree to sen d a photo (S la cfa n d zvhite prin ts Setter) w ith your letter, an d w e w ill try to include i t (RIPD assumes no responsibility fa r claim s made in letters, an d w e urge a ll respondents to exercise caution, especially w ith any fin a n cia l dealings.

________________

GWM, 39, 5 ’5", 140 lbs. seeks bear or chubby with beard/ m oustache for safe sex / relationship. 1 am w ell-educated, in good physical condition, HIV negative, cleanshaven. M y interests include aerobics/ weightlifting, astrology, Eastern religion/ theosophy, classical m usic, meditation. I am an attractive, intel ligent and ph ysically fit bottom looking for the right top. Please give date o f birth and photo. Steven c/o RFD #81 Greetings From A Fem ale Faerie! 1 am a card-carrying “U nique Individual," a 95% heterosexual wom an w ho is definitely but definitely queer and a Faerie spirit. I constantly find m y self “at home” in situations where technically 1 d on’ t belong. Finding the Faeries has been one o f the salvations o f

selv es and our world; how to appreciate the m o m ent....” I just recently had the fun o f b ecom ing sexually active for the first tim e in my life (a late bloom er!) Love, affection, and com m itm ent are important to me in a relationship. 1 have a particular attraction to and affection for gay and bisexual men, esp ecially gay/bi couples. 1 w ould love to find a bisexual man to share good tim es and possibly m y life with, e sp e cially if he had a com m itted gay lover and wanted a permanent three-w ay relationship. I am a life -lo n g ' C onnecticut resident, but eventual relocation is p os sible; warmer clim ates certainly appeal (North Caro lina, San Francisco....???). Please write to let me know if you are interested in b ein g a friend or lover or both. (P S . S p ec ia l thanks to fr ie n d Joan A K A E u g e n e Salandra for her caricature o f moi as a Faerie.

my life! I am a m em ber o f the FA ERIEGRAM Edi torial C ollective in N ew York City; have attended gatherings at Blue Heron, Pine Bush, Walnut Hill and Destiny Lodge; and recently joined with a friend to start regular Faerie heart circles in Connecticut. I also belong to a drag “hou se” in Hartford, CT where 1 am known as “ Rainbow Faerie Pleasure.” On a personal level, I am a Young 48-year-old who started my second life at age 40, so actually I’m only 8 years young! I am usually attracted to men my ow n age or younger, although anything is pos sible! I was involved in puppet arts (U niversity o f C on necticut puppet opera) for many years, and am now looking ahead to new lifework: healing arts, gay boarding house, writing career. 1 am a cat-devotee, N O N -sm oker (allergic), outdoor naturist. w ho says “No Thanks” to drugs o f any kind for my ow n use. I love to talk, write, read, sw im and walk in nature, fly an airplane, and participate in the com m unal lifestyle o f the Faeries. To quote from my most re cent FAERIEGRAM article: “We talk the same lan guage, the Faeries and I: freedom to be oneself; free dom o f expression (both verbal and visual); freedom from possession s; reclaim ing pride in our bodies; reclaiming lost childhoods; discovering w ays to live in community; discoverin g w ays to earn a living, not earn a dying; using alternative m ethods to heal o u r

Peace Be With You and B lessed B e— T a m ™ Janibeth

c /o RFD #81

South Jersey man— Seeking intuitive, m asculine, spiritually percep tive male any age w ho rem em bers how to feel. I am 5 ’ 11” , b lu e /g r e e n e y e s , b r o w n h a ir , b ea rd ed (trim m ed), hairy, handsom e, fit, 22 year old guy w hose m om ma w ould have expected you to treat her son right! I’m interested in: w oods, garden, travel, zines, art (without pretension), b icyclin g, history, li turgical music, things Russian been to seminary (R us sian O rthodox), I'm Irish, English, W elsh, French, and N ative A merican I like to read W in n ie th e P o o h , poetry (recent discovery: M ichaclangelo’s poem s arc great, and hom oerotic too!), W hitm an, Brautigan, G insberg, Kerouac, I’m tired o f one night stands but I’m very sexual. Want to help me out o f this dilem ma? Write to M att/(R F D ad) P.O B ox 42

African-am erican m ale, 25, 5 ’9", 140 l b s , fairly good looking, clean, open, sincere, environmental and health consciou s, self-em ployed, semi hermit. Enjoys walks in parks and on a beach, star (sky) gaz ing, science fiction (sci fi), Japanimation (and other good animation), m ovies, t.v., music (all kinds). Seek ing similar spiritual males (open to race, but prefer foreign) 21-31 for human exploration and lasting friendships (or relationship). Your photo for mine. M ichael c /o RFD #81

I woke up one day recently and realized that my childhood was filled with incestuous sexual trauma — horrors that I had tried to bury since the age o f nine, alm ost 25 years ago. But I've com e to embrace my ow n courage and my w ill to survive, to be a fan tastic faggot, to queerly love and to get my revenge through joy. And so I want to reclaim my sexuality with som eone fresh and hot, a sw eet gentle man who can honor my healing. Can you please take my beau tifully fey body, and transform me into a lover again? Can you handle an innocent, guilty, sleazy, subm is sive, rageful, irresistible, FU N N Y, bizarre queer boy like me? I want a man w h o ’ll fly me like a kite to Pluto, where there are no secrets, and to Venus, where w e are infused with divinity. I want a man w h o’ll trust me com pletely, forgive me absolutely, w h o’ll admit to him self that w e ’ve met before, that w e ’re inevitable I'm saving all this for you. I’m waiting for you to go com pletely mad for me I dare you to write me. CDB PO . B ox 012076 Brooklyn, NY 11202 0024 Dear RI D Readers: GW M m southw est Virginia seeking a sincere friendship and possibly more. I am a discreet, hon est and caring person. D on't have anyone, so, any response w ould be w elcom ed. I .et me hear E. o f Southw est VA c /o RFD #81

Pitman, NJ 0 8 0 7 '

HI. "R FIX" friends This is my first step in this direction, forgive, please, any om issio n s/ errors. K eeping in mind the adm onition to keep this letter short and to the point, I w ill express briefly, and to-the-point my most per sonal and private thoughts and wishes: I have been left to my ow n counsel after alm ost 25 years o f hav ing a c lo se and dear friend to take care of, I stand n ow absolutely by m y self to deal with life I am retired for a few years by now after a very busy professional life, both in Europe and here in the U S and/Canada. as a multilingual translator with a m any-sided experience in translating texts from a dozen languages. This job did not leave me much tim e for personal interests. A ll this I wish to relive and experience now, preferably with one close friend, and to share with this person dreams, observation, relations to o th e rs, both join tly, and individually, to gain my personal im pressions. I am in m y seventies, very tall, medium in weight (1 6 5 -1 7 0 lbs,) with white/grey well kept hair, healthy with the exception o f som e arthritis. I am Highly oral, and am looking for a person o f matching, or almost m atching age/w eig h t/ with similar interests and/or tendencies. Even at my age I am still prepared and w illin g to learn, provided the teacher is the right man. O nly m asculine M EN , need to reply I w ill consent to any w ish in regard to the unusual, but reserve my consen t to approval and respect for my specific c o n cepts. There is one sp ecific aspect that is one o f my very personal interests: I am looking very specifically for a mature, very m asculine, and very hairy partner. W hile I m y self am not esp ecially hairy. A ll letters with photos w ill be answered promptly. A good H oliday season, and best w ishes for the co m ing year to A ll reading this letter. 1 w ill be happy to accept telephone calls here at my hom e. (8 0 4 )7 8 0 -2 8 6 2 this is an unlisted num ber, N O T available via INFO. You can call alm ost 24 hours a day. If I am not there to answer the phone, the service w ill step in and g iv e you a m essage. Calls w ill be answ ered promptly. At present I am staying here in R ichm ond. O therw ise I like to travel. Try again. I w ill carry my ow n w eight under any circum stances. D ietrich F. Schulem ann 3 0 0 W. Franklin Street R ichm ond, VA 232 2 0

H ello F ellow Faeries, G reetings from the beautiful foot hills o f North Carolina. I'm a W /M a g e 4 8, 180 lbs, 5 ’ 11" tall, waist 34, brown hair, hazel ey es, moderate body hair, m us tache, average looks and build, uncut, still in good shape for a flow er child o f the 60'.s. N on-sm oker, litc drinker A ries is my sign. 1 like m eeting new people. N ew A ge, and lusting. That covers most o f the bare facts. So what I’m looking for is an honest, sincere, reasonably fit, healthy pagan man w ho might have som e o f the same interests as m yself. Race is u n im p o r ta n t. S o u n til I h ea r from y o u Pc ace* A nd* Love as we used to say. C.B. 2624 Edwards St.

N ative Am erican N on-Sterio-typical looking In dian Man, Bearded, M asculine, 5 ’8", 150 lbs, 36, slender build, considered attrac. Flexitarian. Healthy. Educated, intelligent. Aware and sincere. Trademarks — Grounded Spirituality, Integrity. W illin n ess to com m unicate from the Heart, In touch w / S e lf-F e e l in g s. E njoys: B a se b a ll-R o d e o , F ish in ’ , N ature, M ountains, w oods, water, Earth & Sky. Have Trav elled extensively. W orldview exposure. Art, m usic, H ealing. Appreciates refineness as w ell as D ow nto-Earth-ness. Seek s sim ilar ‘B E A R S ’ to connect with in a mutually supportive manner. W ould like to meet Mr. M ate at som e point as w ell as d evelop good friendships — based on honesty, integrity, and lo v ing com m unications. Mr. M ate could be a ‘B E A R ’ type fellow w ho is evolved , N /S, sincere, intelligent, good hearted, considerate, 34-40ish , husky, hairy, ‘stache or Bearded, personable, 150-210 lbs(around). I’m not into D R U G S/ A lco h o l/ A B U S E R S . Seeking to connect with Friendly associates. Pen-pals, G oodtim es, a relationship, at the right tim e in that order. Strong A ffinity with Libra’s, Aquarians, C ancer’s & L eo ’s. I desire balanced relationships, to be acknow l edged, appreciated & Em otional availability. I have a HIGH capacity for these Trademarks and more not lim ited to above description. Not into TO X IC , poi sonous, dem eaning relationships on any level. I’m serious about this, B U LL SH IT N O T D E SIR ED . If you can relate, have clarity o f mind, aw areness o f Heart, any g oodn ess o f character, please respond in kind. Not into W iccan, Fundam entalism , or Prison ers. Brett K. Rt. 1, Box 281 NC 2 7844

Full m oons, chilled w ine, candles and warm soul are yours if you dare to play with this 4 0 yr. old GAY Centaur. Yes I’m lonely but content. Waiting but only briefly. Eager but cautious o f the leap. I’m a true blue boy w h o’s secure in my gayness with fam ily and friends w ho are supportive and nurturing, but I need som eone to consider e sp e cially and with providence. I’m 41, about 6 ft., 160 lbs., brown on top o f brown, healthy & sexual. M y answ er to the question o f race is ... human, but if you w ere to persist I’d have to say M ed iterran ean blood runs in these veins but my census taker listed m e as black. (I have y e llo w hues and o liv e notes.) E m ployed with the usual vices that spell fun. D o n ’t drive because o f m inor vision impairment but I can see you all right! A b ove average intelligence with no desire to be fooled or foolish. I’m a passive bottom but passionate enough to please w illin gly and assertively. At present, I live with a relative so entertaining with you w ill have to take place elsew here. I enjoy epic m ovies, baking, reading, m usic, & cultural arts events. I work in this field. I consider m y se lf to be forthright and honest in all aspects o f my life. I honor loyalty & com passion most o f all but ascribe to no great institution for my moral guidance save that o f love & its countenance, once, now , and forever....

I am G W M and like so many other gay men I am lonely, and desire to correspond with other men re gardless o f their race or location. I w elcom e all w ho write and begin a friendship that might develop into som ething else. I like garden and country life. I hope to hear from you soon. I love good hot sex too. Write soon John P.O. B ox 180 Peterstow n, W V 24963 Greetings — I am a 22 yr. old gay white man, 5 ’ 10", 125 lbs., blue-green eyes and shoulder length brown hair. My interests include learning m usic, sin gin g, writing, psychic healing/clairvoyance, and romantic cuddling by candlelight. I am a sm oker and a vegetarian. I have pagan/ m etaphysical beliefs and “Hippie" m or als. I’m seeking a gay man 21 -30 in or near m y area for triendship, romance, and a possible relationship. A ll letters answered. B lessings. Raymond Carey P.O. B ox 37523 Sarasota, FL 34278

Hi G uys. I am a dom inate leather-daddy topman looking for a subm issive bottom to share life and be my son-m atelover-com panion. I am dom inate but also very affectionate, caring and lovin g. I am 47, 5 ’ 10", 170#, HIV negative and have auburn hair, hazel eyes, a full grey beard and reasonably goodlooking A nglo-G erm anic features. I’m intelligent, educated, hard-working, fun-loving, stable, sane and have many eclectic interests. You are defin itely bot tom and sexually subm issive and enjoy leathersex, the leather and faerie life-styles and having a mature dad-mentor to care for and love you. You are intel lectually my equal, drug-free and d on ’ t sm oke or abuse alcohol. You love animals, nature, the outdoors, conversation, good food, travel and a happy hom e life. I am normally attracted to a youn ger, slender, sm aller man but personality and attitude are more important than physical characteristics. Photo appre ciated. DAD P.O. B ox 166 M agnolia, M S 35652

Dear Brothers, I am looking for fellow faeries that listen to a n y o f the follow in g m usic and w ould be interested in exchanging copies and bootlegs. I am interested in the follow ing bands: Nurse With W ound, Current 93, Psychick T.V., SPK, N O N , B oyd R ice, C oil, L eg endary Pink D ots, Pig Face, Skinny Puppy, Throb bing Gristle, C lock D V A , D oubting Thom as, M y Life With The Thrill Kill Kult, Julie Cruze, Death In June, Monte Cazzaza, Steven Stapleton, D avid Tibet, Chris & Cozy. A lso interested in any info on where to obtain lit erature by Albert Osm an Spare. And any vid eo ma terials by Derek Jarman or Psychick T. V. Or any other m usic or materials o f the sam e genre.

C onnelly Springs, NC 28612 Stephen L. Kincaid 207 Spainhour St.

M alahki T hom 1179 Cathcart Rd. D ow ellto w n , T N 3 7 059

M organton, NC 28655

Please write!!! I'm 48 yrs old. partly deaf, 5 8", 190 lbs, dk brown hair and brown eyes. I'm a very lonely person, w h o 's seeking for a life-long mate and hoping to meet som e one w ho's looking for a life-long mate in S.E. Ohio, Ashland, KY or H untington. W V area w ho is hon est. lovable, has sense o f humor. 4 0 & up. black or while male. N ot into drugs, S/M , w ho except w hat a person is inside and outside. I do the same. Please send photo and phone no. — I do the same. N o pris oner please!!! I don 't play gam es, but seriously. Rodney Straight

Brothers. After many years o f trying to find Mr Right, it becom es apparent to me that I need to be more d i rect and open about what I am looking for. In faerie land. I am called Snuffy (after Snuffaluffagus). I am 55 (although seldom pegged at that age), 6' and about 2 1 0 # I have a salt and pepper beard, brown hair and brown ey es. I enjoy intim acy and being open with the people I m eet. I enjoy m usic more than sports. I also enjoy cam ping and sw im m ing. I am seeking new friends, visitors, and if the chemistry is nght a soul mate. I am open to people o f any race, age or ph ysi

Digger 1754 Beckm an Ave. Evansville, IN 4 7 7 1 4 -3 9 0 4

cal ability, although I am particularly attracted to the younger set (18 -3 5 ). Have no problem relating to people outside that age range. Would like to hear from the curious, the serious, those thinking o f relocating and those just passing through. I am c o lle g e edu cated and work at a professional level. Sim ilar ed u cation and em ploym ent status are not required. A relationship with a young man seekin g to get estab lished w ho can draw em otional support fivmi me and g iv e same to me is possible. I prefer no current hard drug use. I currently have a number o f correspon dence relationships with inm ates, som e established via RFD. I am open to hearing from inm ates but for correspondence, not financial support, only. I esp e cially need to make som e new' faerie friends w ho are able to get around and meet and be intimate. I am a deeply spiritual person with an openn ess to all spiri tual dim ensions. I w ould esp ecially enjoy hearing from N ative A m ericans or people fam iliar with N a tive Am erican spirituality. W ell, that is a bit about m e I w ill answ er all let ters. A photo w ould be appreciated (clothed or un clothed) but is not necessary. P lease call or write.

Help wanted on small horse farm. R oom and board and sch o o lin g in exch ange for work and etc. For more info write Warland Farm. Or call (81 0 )4 3 7 -

Harry Vedder P.O. B ox 1376 M adison, WI 5 3 7 0 1 -1 3 7 6 6 0 8 -2 5 9 -9 2 1 2

P.O. Box 34 Waterloo, OH 4 5 6 8 8

Hi! I'm w hite/B lackfoot. D .O .B . 4 -6 -5 3 , male, bm hair and eyes. 2 0 0 lbs., 6 ’2 ’‘ tall, occupations: snap per fisherman, shrimper, cab driver, bartender, d e livery truck driver. Am looking for sincere person with whom tocorrespond and get to know . I've tried the bi life, after a 4 year wreck called a “marriage” to a w om an, I divorced her. I want to find another gay male, age unimportant, race unimportant. I just am tired o f the mind gam es that hurt people. 1 want to know that special som eone with whom I can sin cerely bond and spend the rest o f my life with. I love computers, sci-fi, reading, nature, w alks, writing, the sun and water, anim als, honesty. Your photo w ill get mine. Be sincere and please write.

5980 Warland Farm 8056 N. Rushton Brighton, MI 4 8 1 1 6 att. Wes La Fleur Farm, I'm looking for men interested in making a g o o f a small (20 acre) organic fruit, flow er and guest farm near Saugatuck, M ichigan. It w ould entail all sorts of farm/domestic responsibilities from carpentry to

Dear R.F.D., It is a cool fall even ing (3 0 ’s) here in W isconsin. I am sitting here next to the fire listening to Pachelbel with ocean sounds — m y new C D — it is beautiful. And I am trying to think o f the correct w ords to tell you a story. A story o f m y se lf in an effort to reach out to som eone out there w ho can identify with the feelings, needs, and desires I hope to co n v ey . A s a gay male in his forties I have experienced much and

w elcom e and at hom e. I’m a fifty-four year old HIV negative, 180 pound,

am fortunate. I have a wonderful body, a good mind, and a sen se o f spirituality that com es from a rever ence for nature. M any o f my friends have gon e on before m e and I am beginning to feel alone, thus the need to try to get back in touch with men o f similar interests, need and desires. M y lover and I relocated here to my fam ily farm in South Central W isconsin a year ago. It is a wonderful area where farming is the main occupation. There arc tw o streams on the w ooded land and our old farm house built in 1906

5 ’ 11", strong and healthy w hite male w ho enjoys the quietude and healthy labor o f farming living. I m a sincere, honest, educated, and loving individual w ho

sits betw een where they converge in a valley grazed by deer and co w s and visited by raccoon, cranes, heron, hawks and many varieties o f G o d ’s creatures.

has a lot to give for the right person or persons. So, if you are interested in the possibilities that a

R em em ber I said I am truly blessed. H ow ever not

jam /jelly m aking plus everything in betw een. I en v i sion profit-sharing as w ell as the opportunity for forming a partnership. I’m interested in making this farm self-su fficien t and financially productive. But, more importantly, a place where those w ho work here feel at peace with them selves, others, and their natural surroundings — a place o f tranquillity; a place where visitors feel

That was the case with my lover and he has returned to Oakland Not all the birds in the forest sing the same song — thank God But in this case the loss o f com panionship has been difficult, there fore I am reaching out to my brothers looking for som eone w ho understands what I have written and w ho also finds him self in a like circumstance. So here is my song: Mother Earth and Father Sky. Help me find that just right guy. Som eone honest, sincere and strong. We can cuddle all night long. C andles, incense, a flickering fire, Two hearts filled with love and desire. Traveling together down life ’s road. Two o f us to share our load. And since this is "Life in the I9 9 0 ’s” I feel com pelled to add a few comments Please no users, people w ho take advantage o f others w ill have to repeat their life. I am HI V + but healthy and intend to remain so. 1 use som e drugs w isely hopefully; alcohol, tobacco, marijuana. Moderation is the key here. I do not be lieve in the control o f others; a backbone is required 1 think it all boils dow n to mutual respect. D ennis Hanger S-392 W adleigh Rd. Reedsburg. WI 5 3 959-9797

Montana Brother Seeking Com panionship, I am seeking a lonely, gay white brother that is inattached, a brother that is at hom e with and appre ciates nature, mountains and a free spirit — such a sim ple request, so difficult to realize. Som eone that loves to wander like I do, not afraid o f com m itm ent, but still needs space and time alone to meditate. A brother that would like to relocate to beautiful M on tana to share experiences, love and friendship. I want a real man, som ew here between 4 0 and 50, although age is not a deciding factor, that w ould like to have and work a garden and me. I am 53, 5 ’9", 145#, blu/ red, mustache and a winning personality once you get to know me. I now ow n property in a small rural com m unity, but I get lonely without love, com pan ionship and a real versatile man to man relationship. If you are that special h ealth -con sciou s, mature, stable, lean mountain man with the sam e desires I have and are w illing to have a genuine true friend, please write. Sincerity, com m unication and honesty are the most important attributes. M ountain Cat P.O. B ox 145 Ronan, MT 59864

L ooking for Mr Right. M yself I am 34 years old. Som eone that is a little older or younger than m yself. I am 5 ’H" tall, 130 lbs., a little hair on my chest and legs, I have blue green e y es, sandy blond hair. My interests are In

please write or call:

dian lore, art, stamp collecting. I love the out o f doors, camping, hiking, etc. I like som e sports mainly watch ing. N o S&M or rough stuff. 1 have a good en d o w ment and I love to use it. I want a cuddling kiss and caring man. N o gam es to be played cither Hope to hear from you, please write.

Fritz Grathwohl 984 68th St. South Haven, MI 4 9 0 9 0

Scott H. 725 E. Brooks Galesburg, IL 61401

potentially fruitful agri-business could o ffe r and if you are loving, hard w orking, sincere and honest,

all gay men consider this to be a desirable place to live.

H ello, Fellow RJFD’ers,

Hi, 1 live in rural Southern M issouri with about 60 other people in an self-supporting intentional c o m munity, It's a great place to be; w e have a beautiful creek for skinny dipping all along the bottom o f the property. I only lack a partner to make it com plete The com m unity is pretty much heterosexual, though supportive o f me and other gay men and lesbians. I specifically am looking for a good friend — som eone w ho is honest, forthcom ing, eager to work out problem s, com m itted to my welfare and his own, appreciative, loving, and affectionate I want so m e one w ho w ill try to see the real me and treat me a c cordingly. I offer the same in return. I’m 4 0 , whatever that means. I d on’t feel that old, and l generally keep the com pany o f people nearly half my age. I like to have fun outside and have many opportunities here on our 340 acres. I like to do crazy things som e tim es, like raft on the creek when it’ s in full flood. E veryone w ho lives in the com m unity automati cally has a job and so this would be a very easy place just to m ove to and call hom e, either for a short time or forever. Write me if you find this letter at all inter esting.

I live in the countryside half an hour's drive from the capital o f Nebraska. I love it here but I would love to meet more gay/bi men I know th ey’re around! I’m a G W M , age 50 and proud o f it! B m hair, B m ey es, 6 ’3 ’', 235 lbs, kinda hairy, avg. endow ed. I’d like to meet interesting m en, age and race unim portant, for friendship, casual encounters, m aybe som ething long-term. Som e o f my interests are: dogs, classical m usic, plants, m editation, gay spirituality, reading, good conversation. I've retired from the bar scene, and I d on ’t need gam e-players. I w ould love to explore such things as Tantric sex, sex massage, etc., with interested partners. If y o u ’re interested in any o f the above, please drop m e a note. I’ll reply to everyone w ho w rites, I promise! I’m just o f f o f 1-80, the trans-continental highway, so if y o u ’re traveling across the country, w hy not stop by for an even ing o f relaxation before m oving on? Bright B lessings! Tom P.0. Box 80842 Lincoln. NE 68501

making, and other interests too numerous to m en tion. Please d on’t get me wrong. I have a strong fem i

Hoyt DeVane East Wind T ecum seh, M O 6 5 7 6 0

Cajun C ountry-V illage Living In Central Louisiana, ME: Very top, 5 7 . 5 ’8", hairy as h e ll, about 170#, 15

My name is Box and I live on a rural com m une (95% straight) in southern M issouri. I’m a hop eless romantic bottom, 26; dow n-toearth; m asculine, with a snap diva living inside o f me; som etim es aloof, som etim es intense, alw ays caring; generally attractive, but not stuck on m yself; vegetarian (but it’s ok if y o u ’re not); tall, slim , hairy. Into: reading, Northern Exposure, M onty Python, w alks in the w oods, com ic books, living around na ture, graphic design and layout (M acintosh), being O U T , h on esty, m odern art, G L A A D , fem in ism , stam ps and coins, w itty gay shirts, RuPaul & Garth Brooks & Punk & lots o f other types o f m usic, self publishing, tattixis, activism , and lots more. D o n ’ t drink at all, or do drugs, or sm oke. I like broad minds and broad backs; bears who are aggressive yet caring; looking for a top I can respect w ith o u t h e a d g a m e s (n o S & M ); k is s in g and cuddling and sex, but all those three not just the last one. Stocky, hairy, tall, beard are all plu ses, but I’m rela tiv ely open and find som ething beautiful in all men. Prefer people with their head together. D o n ’t know what I want right now , like if I would relocate or not, but let’s talk

year-old

B ox Hast Wind Com m unity Tecum seh, MO 6 5 7 6 0

Seeking one honest, hardworking, easy goin g man with a gentle spirit and soft touch. I seek this man for marital purposes. T his man should have a strong sense o f values and morals, and at least acknow l edge the presence o f a holy spirt. This is my second ad in RFD. The first one intro duced me to som e very nice people. And to each o f you I w ish w ell. I was in a state o f transition, m en tally, physically, and spiritually, and therefore was not certain o f w hich path to ch oose. Thank you to all w ho answered. I gained a little from each o f you. I am a 33 year old w hite m ale. I stand 5 ’9", and w eigh anyw here from 165 to 190 — stress eater. I sm oke and drink so cia lly . I have a bad back — chronic — and high blood pressure — hopefully not chronic. I am currently residing in D allas — hate it — but w ill soon be relocating to North T exas- W ichita Falls area. I w elcom e all responses, but am most inter ested in responses from this area. I w ill be experi encing a ‘rebirth” if you w ill and can think o f no better w ay than to start it with the mate I have so long sought. I love country music (Reba esp ecially), home

p h oto. H is to rian, writer, int e 1 1e c t u a l , loner, one-man man. N o bars, no n ig h t - lif e near here. D is like and do not tolerate sw ishy. YOU: A lm ost any age up to mine; prefer younger. Must be decent looking, good shape. M ust be selfsupporting after a w hile — but can handle us not starving for a w hile (suspect, no problem , if you are the man you should be for m e.) Perfect country village in central La. for free-lance type. T w o old next-door houses here on four big lots, oldest for you, but o.k., if you prefer, livable, with work. Lots o f space for garden, chickens, etc. M ust be a m asculine boy (o f w hatever age — calling you “my B o y ” is the biggest com plim ent I could g ive you) w ho likes to suck cock; take care o f the houses, yards, and me. I sm oke cigars, cigarettes (and other stuff), and drink w hiskey. Permanent, no short-tim ers. Longrangers considered. E x-cons, o.k., depend ing on whatever such things depend on. N o bull-shit, please, or y o u ’ll lose stamps trying. Chuck D e Ville E -21, Route 5 Ville Platte, LA 7 0 5 8 6 -9 2 2 6

Have you looked for love in all the wrong places? Me too. I am a gay white male, 34, 6 ’3 ”, dark blond hair, hazel ey es, 250, slightly hairy with mustache. I’m looking for a guy w ho know s what he wants and is loving, caring, honest and is open to new things. I am a top looking for the right bottom. Bill P.O. Box 2 0 14 2 1 Arlington, TX 76006-1421

nine side, but that does not mean that 1 am necessar ily alw ays a “bottom ”. It also does not mean that I am effem inate. I have a dream o f true love and trust betw een m y s e lf and the person I meet. If you are interested in m eeting a quality person, please take a mom ent and respond to this letter. Sincerely Perry 4 3 0 0 Holland, #105 Dallas, TX 75219

I am M ichael and I am seeking a loving, sensual, intelligent man to share my life with. I am a sensual, intelligent, creative, average to n ice-look ing GW M , father, lover, healer. I am 42, an A ries w Virgo moon. I am 5 ’ 11", and w eigh 150 lbs and am fairly hairy. 1 have clear blue eyes, short brown hair, and I am bald ing. I live in Austin primarily. I love the progressive atmosphere here and the great sw im m ing holes. I also live part tim e at m y 50 acre ante-bellum plantation in Southwestern M ississippi. It is partially restored and has rolling hills with: huge m oss-draped L ive Oaks, dogw oods, pecans, pines, white oaks, and lush overgrow n inform al gardens around the sim ple 2 story planter’s style house. I am seeking a mate to buy out my former partner’s share and/or just enjoy it with me w hile I still am partial ow ner o f it. The spring and fall there are sim ply divine! The energy is M agical. A perfect stage for tw o men to share them selves fully and freely. The summers in Austin are great and sw im m ing nude at Hippie H ollow is fun. A m ong my many interests: Abraham, Avatar, Body Electric erotic m assages, healing, sw im m ing, w alk ing, travel, old houses, gardens, time travel, nudity, brain-mind tapes. I am a non-sm oker and also am disease and drug free. I am a health care professional. I am also exploring a greater use o f my talents and skills. I am aware that my thoughts and my feelings are creating what I attract. So I am responsible for my life! I am looking for a m asculine man 18 to 45 who is: aware, attractive, in good shape and health, loving, open-m inded, sensual, affluent or at least has m oney and a job, has a high sex drive, versatile. I love kissing, cuddling, m assaging, sexing. Sexually

►►►

versatile as long as w e enjoy long sessions. M y

ctick is average length, above ave. thickness M y butt hole is hairy and I LOVE long sessions as a bottom. I Love to fuck I also realize it takes more than this to build a relationship. 1 believe it Is a type o f inner harmonic resource that attracts and keeps tw o people together If I have sparked your curiosity please w rite me in detail about yourself, interests, description, and desires. I w ill appreciate a recent photo and w ill in return give you a g ood o n e (!!) o f me. Enjoy your journey. Michael Forest P.0. Box 33059 Austin. TX 787 6 4

A re you a hairy fairs A builderm an. a flowertnan A quiet man w ith a loud voice? 1 am. Are you the one w h o looks at the features o f creatures With an artist's eye?

And NW Texas friendly G W M is interested in makine friends or one .particular friend with sharing life in mind. 1 am 34. medium build, 5 ’7”, 145, brown hair and m oustache. Interests I enjoy are bicycle riding, the outdoors, reading, m usic, m ovies, video games and other interests that are better shared I am one o f many o f you w ho are either lonely or bored, som etim es both, living in rural or semi-rural area. It can be frustrating, but the beauty and peace of the country is alw ays nearby. I would like to find someone to share with. I’m drawn to som eone taller than me, near my age give or take a few years and easy going. Pampa, a city o f 2 5 ,0 0 0 and one hour from A m a rillo, is surrounded by very scenic, open country. I welcome you to write so w e may begin sharing what

Are you a m edicine man w ho chants; enchants With a strange spell? Like to run sun pun call your guy hon then build a nest in his chest fly with him as the lights dim? Listen! I want to stop the w orld from b ecom ing bland S o do g ive m e yoi>r hand to paint a big rainbow over above our w indow to look out o f and into; in tw o not one! G o ahead! D o n ’t hesitate to share all your write stuff (m aybe even in the duff....)

rural has to offer. Boris Leon 1112 Sierra Dr. Pampa, TX 7906 5 -2 6 3 0 Dear Brothers, I am a 33 year old GW M 5 ’ 10” 170 lbs. HIV-. I have brown hair. B lue ey es, a trimmed beard and moustache and a hairy manly chest w hich describes this attractive M ountain M an. M y hom e is high in the Rocky M ountains o f C olorado, from where you may view the C ontinental D iv id e. I w ould enjoy meeting men w ho are one with nature, w ho like river rafting, cam ping, kite flying and four w heeling. Some o f my interests are am usem ent parks, the ater, gardening, hot tubbing, com puters, sushi and cooking for som eone special. 1 am a pagan interested in Native American Sham anism , Herm etic S ciences, Astrology and many things N ew A g e. I am involved with the Inner Guide M editation. 1 am intelligent, honest, sincere, loyal, creative, sensual, deeply pas sionate, loving and caring. 1 would like to meet a man w ho feels balanced between his strong pow erful m asculine side c o m bined with his inwardly w ell-developed intuitive, nur turing fem inine side. A man w ho is on his spiritual path, is both independent & interdependent w hile d e siring deep affection and intense intim acy and lives as much as possible in the here and now ! I find men who are forceful at the sam e tim e gentle, confident, demonstrative, m onogam ous, musky manly scented very appealing. A man w ho is gifted in the Art o f Love. Som eone w ho is equally com fortable in g iv ing and receiving intense end deeply passionate full body love from head to toes. Yours truly, Michael Hewitt 38 Little Creek Road Idaho Springs, CO 80 4 5 2

Here is an invitation to walk the good red road For the last ten years, this pagan has been part o f a group o f people w ho follow the ancient w ays o f the Anishinabcg People (Chippewa), original inhabitants o f the Great Lakes region We arc all a pretty mixed lot genetically. A lthough w e arc not a two-spirited people e xclu sively, there are a number o f brothers and sisters am ong us and grow ing. Our spiritual ancestors have led us to this trail The one thing we

E ve am.

Southwestern Rural

Dear Brothers. B oozhoo! (H ello!)

3051 Fillm ore St. Denver, CO 80205

have in com m on is our determination to walk the Sun Trail (L ife) according to the ancient ecologically -oriented philosophies o f the A nishinabcg. We be lieve that spirit is in all things and that it is our re sponsibility as tw o leggeds to maintain our ow n physical and spiritual balance within the Greater Circle o f Harmony. All other beings have a rightful existen ce to be here on this planet the w inged ones, four leggeds, fish insects, plant kingdom , etc. We as a spiritual fam ily seek to maintain harmony and pro tect our Mother the Earth. Our group holds monthly m eetings in W isconsin and M ichigan We maintain a summer cam p on a sublim e wilderness island in the Great Lakes. There we gather m edicinal herbs, share teachings and stories from our elders (and each other), and conduct cerem onies (vision quests). We never charge for spiritual teachings. M inim al costs are for cam p food (w hich w e prepare) and the boat trip. The island is an intense spiritual place where one often hears drums pounding in the forest or a flute ech oing in the still night. The old ones are still there watching over our heart’s hom e. It is a very physical place as w ell and everyone is expected to chip in chopping w ood, making dinners, and collect ing herbs. For those o f you w ho are o f sincere heart and spirit please write me for further information. I am also interested in hearing from pagan men w h o’d like a friend. Sending you all a warm bear hug! B less ings and Balance.

Radio tech/ alternative energy designer/ writer/ adventurer/ country boy. 39, 5 ’8", bm /brn, 145 lbs, sm ooth, young and physically fit. I long for a blue jeans man, possibly in his 3 0 ’s....

Tahnodin - John Lorenzen 2371 #A C am ino Capitan

A guy w ho is generally happy, lovin g, humorous, creative, financially stable, and able (know s the value o f hard work: relational, physical, spiritual and m en

Santa Fe, NM 87505

tal). He is caring and truly w illin g to co-com m it if love and affection grow. I hope he is interested in living a mutually sustainable, natural life here, with me, on and around this 23 acres in the R ockies (gar dening, greenhouse, forest, m ountains, hot springs,

Fellow Faeries, Spring’s a com ing and S u m m er’s not far behind. M y wanderlust is starting to shake, rattle and roll! I would love to hear from fellow wanderers that would be interested in going to Central or South America or possibly even Europe. Or if you are going to be in the Taos, NM area, give my a call — (5 05)586-1269 and w e can dance on the mountain tops and howl at

hiking, cam ping, cross-country skiing, etc.). 1 am loving, caring, vegetarian, sexu ally balanced and versatile, and HIV negative. H onesty, integrity, a sense o f spirit and clear com m unication are o f great value to me. I have so much more to tell you. Please write and/or send a photo: I w ill respond to all. Jonathan P.O. B ox 773911 Steam boat Springs, C O 80477-391 I G ood looking 29 year old man, 5*9”, rugged, mas culine, thick build, brown hair, brown ey es, 180 lbs., considered attractive and in telligen t, sincere and aware along with b eliefs in N ative Am erican spiri tuality (Dakota). Enjoys: hiking, backpacking, alter native and classical m usic. Have a love for the earth and a concern for its future. Seeking: Man 33 to 45 w ho also has same. Beard - mustache and living in or around Tucson, AZ. Nonsm oker a plus. Mark P.O. B ox 5992 Tucson, A Z 85703

the m oon with the coyotes (or at least I can show you the sights). M icha “C eleste" Kraemer P.O B ox 240 San Cristobal, NM 87564 Brothers, Living an alternative lifestyle requires people who arc com fortable with their self definition but are able to live real lives within that context I know w ho I am and what I am seeking. I have been primarily top since 1 was exposed to pow er sharing relationships during high school and c o lle g e initiations and hazing I do not include “top/ bottom" merely to define sexual roles but includes dom inance/subm ission and a moderate, consensual S/m persuasion. T his is too important for me to be anything less than candid and totally intimate

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Intelligence, creativity, spirituality and com plete honesty arc qualities I consider in any relationship. Your interests might include music from classical to Broadway m usicals, film , reading, an ability to write, com fort with thoughtful introspection and c o n v er sation. an affinity for gardening and a respect for the natural world. If you believe w e have potential, tell me how you think we can make this a better world in which to live. B ill C. P.O. Box 4103 Carson City. N V 897 0 2

I am a 54 year old HIV negative retired bisexual man now living in mean old L A. Though my hair is w hite, I am vigorous, versatile, erotic and sexually active. I’m m ostly vegetarian, non-sm oking, nonChristian, educated, unzealous, brow n-eyed. 5-10, 190, with big hairy legs, uncut but otherw ise av er age. 1 w ould like to spend a few months at a time renew ing m y self in a rural com m unal or extended fam ily situation. I like children. Your place should be so m e where on the West coast. I want to be friends and lovers with sexually free younger (under 35) men and w om en. I want to participate personally, spiritu ally and financially in maintaining your environment. 1 can rem odel, do plumbing, electrical, fix cars, c o m puters, cook, bake, write, photograph and do art work. I want to fish, roam deserted beaches and wander in the w oods like I did w hen I was a boy. Can you help me put more meaning back into my life? Sincerely. W ayne Fox 309 South Saltair Avc. Ix)s A n geles, C A 90 0 4 9

Hi, my name is M ike and I live in the High Sierra at an elevation o f 7,(MX) ft. near M ammoth Lakes. M y age is a young 55 years and consider m y self ath letic enjoying the great outdoors. I like to ski, m ostly cross country, and hike and raft in the summer. My tw o story hom e with a spa is located on an apple orchard overlooking snow -covered mountains. I am looking for a young com panion that would like to share this type o f life, spend those cozy times in front o f the fireplace enjoying each others c o m pany. I consider m y se lf very sincere and look for the sam e in a partner. A lthough I am looking for that som eone special it is also nice to meet new friends that might enjoy the area. Let me hear from you. M ike Rt 2. Box 329 B ishop, C A 93514

C om m unity A nyone? We are an independent C atholic group with m o nastic com m unities in H awaii, N evada and C alifor nia We w ish to inaugurate others and seek potential Brothers and C lergy. All are w elcom ed and encour aged to investigate what we can offer you and what you can offer us. Ordained Orthodox or Western Rite clergy are esp ecially w elcom e to participate.

RFD. I am 40, GW M , daddy type, bom in October, my sign is a Libra. I am 5 ’ 10" tall, 158 lbs, have brown hair and eyes, a very trim beard and moustache, m od erately hairy chest, light hair on back, my legs and arms. I hold a nice 7" cock, love to use it every day. I grew up in Cape C od, M assachusetts, now liv ing in Sacram ento, California. I do a lot o f traveling, m ostly for recreation. I enjoy hot tim es, romance, caring, open minded, and enjoy life. M y hobbies include m ovies, cam ping, horseback riding, cooking, walking on the beach, reading, some o f the arts and esp ecially com edy entertainment. I presently live alone in a high rise, and work for a m edical center. I have a good education, and like most m usic, esp ecially country, I d on ’t do drugs and I am a non smoker. Sexually, I am a versatile top, like to get my part ner all excited and w ild w hen it com es to making love. Like a little kinky, a little leather, a lot o f fun. 1 can be trusted to be good to you. I want us to enjoy ourselves and I enjoy pleasing my partner. A s I said I have a 7" cock , and I am a hom y little devil. I like to snuggle, cuddle, kiss, caress, sleep with my part ner, make sure he feels secure and comfortable. I also have a great sense o f humor. I am looking for a long term relationship. I like younger guys betw een ages o f 18 & 35, prefer slender to average body w eight. 1 know relationships d on’t happen overnight, it takes tim e, energy and effort to d evelop, but its time for you and me to start. S o why not write me, send me a photo, and lets get it on dude. L et’s stop be ing alone and start a life o f love, intim acy and fun together. G illis Canuel 1820 C apitol A ve., Apt. 706 Sacram ento, C A 9 5 8 1 4 -4 1 2 2 (9 1 6 )4 4 2 -5 8 7 2

Greetings Brothers, O verlooking the Pacific O cean, in the Santa Cruz m ountains, one hour south o f the cultural capital o f San Francisco, lies a beautiful 325 acre tree farm with a need for som e kindred spirits to share the work and the relaxation. This steward o f the land is a tall, blond, blue eyed, bearded Viking farmer with many interests. M y sought after special com panion should share som e o f my joys with me. A m ong them are living naked in this serene and private place. And en jo y in g , gardening, c o o k in g , reading, traveling about the world, collectin g art and reveling in great theatre, ballet, opera and sym phony concerts. I am an environmentalist, solar energy researcher, philoso pher and futurist and som etim e political activist. The sw im m ing pool, hot tub and sauna also add to the pleasure and can be a delightful prelude to deeper physical and erotic exchanges. H opefully this m essage w ill excite som eon e’ s in terest to com e and share the stewardship. Ed 16250 Skyline Blvd. W oodside, CA 9 4 0 6 2 -4 4 2 0

Brother Sebastian P.O. Box 7158 Vallejo. CA 94 5 9 0

G reetings Brothers. It isn ’t a crim e for an older man to crave the ro mantic com pany o f a younger one is it? H ere’ s an intelligent, w ell educated and w idely travelled, af fable and talented young man o f alm ost 70 w ho has vigor, sensuality and an excited interest in everything, everybody and everyw here. Did you ever want som e real lovin' from your Dad or grandpa? I yearn for a younger brother, son, grandson, nephew , lover, or buddy for som e very intimate talk and perhaps more. We are thoughtful, adventurous, curious, sw eet, in tellectual and romantic and w e need to talk, with each other about us. Ben Wade P.O. B ox 7158 Vallejo, C A 9 4 5 9 0

Dear Brothers, I’m a 47 y.o. long haired gentle male spirit now living in SantaC ruz. At 6 ', 160 lbs., my body is slim and healthy and enjoy the deep forests o f Oregon as w ell as the healing waters o f the California coast. I’m a non-sm oking vegetarian and d on ’t find a lot in com m on with the gay culture. A side from my spiri tual focus I’m interested in building, architecture, landscape design, ethereal m usic and sim ple living. I’d like to meet brothers on a sim ilar path my age or younger. If these words kindle your spirit please re spond. I prom ise to answer all. Peace. Cedar 527 Lincoln St. Santa Cruz, CA 95060

Hi, 1 have recently re-located to the LOST C O A ST in Humboldt County, Northern California and w ould like to find kindred spirits in this part o f the world and to connect with people on a sim ilar path. H aving just passed the BIG 50, this is yet another major change in a life full o f diversity and adven ture. C om ing recently from a structured job in the business world, my new goals are to slow dow n, to appreciate nature more, to build things (I am cur rently working on furniture with things found on the beach), to grow stuff, to d evelop a circle o f new friends, to share new adventures and ideas, to play with a dog, to stay healthy and fit. I am temporarily in an apartment overlooking snow in the mountains with a peak at the sea. Surf to sleep by. M y goal is to live on land and becom e more self-sufficient.. I have toyed with the idea o f doing this com m u nally. Surely a partnership would add another dim en sion to the journey. I am open to alternatives. At least, I hope this letter can lead to new friendships and maybe mutual support, if not more. Y ou sh o u ld k n ow that I am r e s o u r c e fu l, unmaterialistic, frugal, playful and a good friend. Interested? Or want to do som e hikes, river trips, biking? Bruce 1035A Villa Way Areata, CA 95521 (707) 826-7264

Dear Brothers. Gradually reaw akening to the beauty and wonder o f life these past few years. I'm a 27 year old bearded ectom orph on a path o f personal and plan etary healing and transformation R ealizing that each day is an offering to cultivate awareness and c o m passion. Enjoy spending tim e in the natural world, eating healthy, breathing, reading, comparative m y thologies. world m usic, hatha yoga, m assage, m ind fulness and sim plicity. Seeking men (bearded a plus) on any spiritual path w ho share similar interests to live life’s mysteries. Open to the possibilities o f what ever develops... friendship, partner or a monogam ous LTR May w e explore the jo y s o f sharing space and time, both through language and mutual silence.

Namaste. Kevin 518 Errett Circle Santa Cruz, CA 9 5 0 6 0

Greetings dear brothers! M ultidimensional Aquarius. V intage 1962. FinnoAmerican. Queer Faerie Pagan. Flow er worshipping artist. Passionate linguist (E nglish, French). W idely read — high literature to seedy trash. Seeking likeminded/ spirited nature lovers w ho revel in the w o r ship at the tem ple o f the body. L et’s share the wealth of our experience via the written word. Tell me o f your hopes, fears, dreams and inspirations and I’ll share mine. (For those prompted by statistics: 6 ’2 ”/ B lon d /B lu e/ 170 lbs.) I’m eagerly aw aiting your response. Blessings, Eric Max c/o 137 Kentucky St. Petaluma, CA 949 5 2

Dear RFD-leather Brothers, Kid at heart. T his 28 year old Gay (Proud) young man is looking for a special Dad and M aster w ho is patient, kind, spiritual, kinky and loving. I have new wings that need to soar into my Leather Fam ily’ s heart. My mind and body are open to new' experi ences and my inner soul needs to be educated. I’m 6 ft., short brow n hair, m ustache, 2 8 0 lbs., beard, glasses that shelter soft blue eyes. M y heart is ac cepting and non-discrim inating and som ew hat na ive to the world around him. I like black leather roses, stuffed Teddy bears, m otorcycles, and uniformed men. I write poetry and short fiction and my goal is to live and write like John Preston or Larry Townsend. If you travel these circles you know my enter and innermost fantasies. I love chocolate and wet kisses, cigars, erotica, and tarot, a man w h o ’s dominant and a little sadistic yet w illing to take the time to love, to teach and to pass on his craft and love to me. A good m ovie, and my tongue slow ly bathing and undressing you. I’m HIV-, but also would like any one to write. Teach me to play, to live, and serve, watch me unfold my w ings and soar ... into your heart. Please send photos and tell me about your heart and if I might earn the key to unlock its power. With love and respect, Phillip Bozarth 523 SW 13th #41 7 Portland, OR 97205

H ow dy. Rough trails, rugged mountains and long haired bearded men tum m e on! I'm a backpacker/ hippie biker/ eco-radical seeking guys with sim ilar sense o f adventure The best tim es o f my life have been spent standing on the peak o f a mountain with my hair blow ing in the wind after a long difficult hike Add to the scene a sweaty man with w ild hair and unruly beard and I have found heaven. I’m 5' 11 at 150 lb with 15" beard, longer hair and C eltic ink on my left arm, I am 34 years old. I live solo in a small cabin on an organic farm in the W illam ette Valley. I make my w ay in the world as a programmer for a small software com pany. Sexually, I am open minded, adventurous and can be intense. 1 am not necessarily orgasm oriented: w hile high energy love-m ak in g resulting in sore m uscles is great. 1 also value slow dreamy cuddling and m assage. 1 like to integrate sensuality to all as pects o f my life. I look for men to share adventures with me. Life is too precious to spend idle. 1 can o ffer m otivation when energy is low and revel in the energy offered by others. I want to find som ebody that honors w il derness, w elcom es change and loves earthly plea sures. M aking new friends is an adventure, finding a life partner is a journey: I am open to either and ready for both. In July o f ’9 5 , 1 w ill take o f f on m y m otorcycle to visit friends. I plan on passing through California, Nevada, Utah. Colorado, W yom ing. M ontana. Idaho, W ashington and Oregon. On this trip, I am open to visiting new friends and/ or finding a partner to share som e m iles. Peace, Lars P.O. B ox 2561 C orvallis, OR 97339

OK, OK, I’ve settled in for a w hile although the redw oods are defin itely in m y future. H ere’s the scoop. I’m 39, told I look like Jesus, and very picky. In other words, I’ve a clear idea o f my needs in a mate: so m e o n e you n ger, not sex u a lly c o n fu sed , Northem -European-like hair and e y e color, politi cally left, likes theatre, the occasional beer-bar-danc ing ‘til 3 A .M ., c o ffe e houses, as w ell as sex in the w oods, w alking the dog, sunsets, hot springs, cam p fires. I’m a quadruple Libra, triple L eo, Pisces moon with Taurus rising, southern bom and raised by a Jew ish mother/ A nglo father. I can be intensely em o tional. I detest attitudes, facades, and m otives. I read co n stantly and consider m y self intelligent and a bit o f a pseudo-professional- dropout. I like occasional herb, etc., but not my focus. Into fairy lore, alien abduc tion theory, foreign film s, Laurie A nderson and Jane Siberry. I've been single several years by choice and w onder if anybody w ill read this and get a tingle in his solar plexus. If so, drop me a note. W esley Knox Flow ers 80 Stewart St. #312 Seattle. WA 98101

Seeking country or city gay males or b i’s inter ested in marriage or w ho are Christians or b elieve in other religious faith, that want a special love bond o f com m itm ent, honesty and grow old together. 1 have

ken in a positive way. very loving a lot' I’m not per feet 1 0 0 ^ but. I'm w illing to be 5 0/50 all the way with that special som eone Every thing is sexual, bars, gam es. I’m just too old for that Are you? D oes any one realize they should love a person and settle down w ith for w ho they are in their hearts ’ I don't smoke, drink little, don't take drugs' Attractive teddy bear, mustache, hairy masc type straight acting. 37, 5 ’8". 155 lbs, brown hair, eyes, HIV negative, uncut thick, hobbies: nature, sw im m ing, travel, historical sites, antiques, flea markets, music, m ovies, cooking, quiet evenings at hom e, basketball, lots o f love, m assage, kissing, cuddle & sex I like young 22-39, teddy bears, very hairy or sm ooth, sw im m ers built or slen der. very thick m eat, blon d s, redheads, auburn, blackhaired types. Want to hear from your heart! M Barrett 6244 Corson Ave. South Seattle, WA 98108

HI, Are you a cow boy? I’m a country-bom / city liv ing WM with a long standing interest in cow boys. I'd like to contact/ met cow b oys anywhere for fun/ friendship/ sex. I'm 40, 6 ’, 175 lbs., bearded, mas culine, muscular, honest, imaginative, and uninhib ited. My hobbies include: w eight-lifting, reading scifi, hiking, and more. Write: Joe Bridwell 1104 E. Fir Seattle, WA 9812 2 -5 4 1 6 H ello You’all, Greetings from the Northwest. 'T is a season o f transition for me, w'ith a scent o f fundamental change in the misty Seattle air. Or perhaps its just me. But at any rate, 1 find that now is the time to send out som e prayers to fairies far and wide, with the hope o f touch ing a note o f recognition in som e kindred souls. I’m a 30 year old queer/fairy/pagan, with a life time o f energy and productivity and creativity in front o f me — but I can’t help feeling that time is running short. Therefore, I have found m yself a tiny travel trailer, or escape pod if you like, and w ill embark on a journey to points unknown com e M ay. Many things precipitate this m ove, among them a realization that w hile living as a m echanical engineer pays the bills, that person is but a portion o f w ho I am. The other half o f me is a stifled artist w anna-be, filled with wanderlust, curiosity, and not a little contempt for our disposable diaper, win at all cost, sex-is-bad, developm ent-is-good, but m on ey-is-best, pop-m edia culture. Other real world developm ents have also had their impact — a mythical “gay com m unity” in the city, endless urban sprawl, and A ID S. Surely there are som e places in this country where a one time sm all town faggot can find a supportive, loving commit nity, secure sufficient incom e to survive and si m ultaneously find time for his creativity to flourish A s Fink put it, is there anybody out there? Whether I am able to establish som e potential friends between now' and May or not, I’m going. Whether I’m a spoiled white boy or not. I'm going I'm mainly interested in cruising south, lie it the D eep South or the Southw est, but w ill consider all lands I’m rather lean, in excellent health, and w illing to pull at least my share. I'm quite single, open to potential relationships with certain healthy, fu n c tional, trustworthy men, but m ainly interested in

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changing from a person w ho likes to be right, to a person w ho likes to be happy. Please write Peace brothers, P S. A s I write this, a rainbow floats in our cloudy Sunday sky anybody wanna house sit? D ennis Brandt

ing), bnght blue eyes, beard, w eigh 175 lbs. and stand 5 ’ I I ” I d on’t sm oke anything but do occasionally have a drink Physically, lean bod ies, beards, bald heads, and/or big noses (especially BIG noses!) thrill me. A lthough a lovin g relationship is my dream, please call on me if you are just passing through Ju neau and need a place to stay. Peace.

d o R FD #81

I am a G W M teddy bear 12/17/52, 5*7". 6"+, 220 lb hear, HIV neg., beard and m u sta c h e , h a zel e y e s. N o n sm o k er and N ondrin ker, s e x u a lly versatile, FR /a,p\ G R / a.p Satyriasis sex-addict seeks young teddy bear lover, [G e r o n to p h ilia a p erson that prefers a love partner much older than him self) real small m an 5 ' 5 “ or u n der, m id g e t or d w a r f, satyromania [I’m more attracted to a partner with A telia (a sm all circu m cised c o ck )], fair o f face, baby-faced, that is featherless possessing a smooth hairless body, for m onogam ous relationship. O rien tal, ferns drag queen. Hermaphrodite, okay. NOT into SM or drugs. I w ill not tolerate mindgam es and I am not in a position to assist inmates financially, but you can count on me for love and emotional support. Will answ er all serious responses. K. Scott P.O. B ox 69 R etsil, WA 98378

Goran Djokic" Poste Restante 21101 N ovi Sad Y U G O SLA V IA Tracy Sw ain 11017 M endenhall Loup Juneau, AK 99801 tracys@ m uskox.alaska.edu

GW M , 4 0 ’s, gam ester, looking for users o f adven ture gam e tool kit to swap gay com puter dungeon text files. Over 18. A lso like to write pagans, druids, feys and other m agic folk. W ould love to join or start a free play-by-m ail erotic/ swashbuckler adventure. Bright blessings! Craig P.O. B ox 16 H ope, BC C A N A D A VOX 11.0

Dear triends, Caretakers N eeded For Spiritual Retreat, N ahcotta Sanctuary needs help in exchange for housing, This as not a gay retreat, but IS gay friendly. You are spiritually directed, healthy, into com m u nity, nature and proficient in several o f the fo llo w ing: carpentry, plumbing, electric, gardening, house keeping, bookkeeping, computers. T his 14 acre retreat facility Is located in the slate o f W ashington on the remote tip o f the Long Beach Peninsula. The peninsula is bounded by the C olum bia River, Pacific Ocean and the W illipa Bay (the last pure marine estuary in the Continental U S) N ahcotta Sanctuary is a private resort-retreat that is inclusive in orientation and supported locally by a spiritually consciou s com m unity. Reply: N ahcotta Sanctuary P O . B ox 87 N ahcotta, WA 98637 att. Jim

Quiet, responsible. Christian seeks soul mate to explore love, life, and spirituality. The sim ple plea sures o f life, like gardening, walking, reading, and m usic, m ake m e happy. I work as a librarian and lead a fairly orderly and frugal life, but one that includes lots o f creativity and nondestructive spontaneity. My high energy level and childlike, joyou s outlook al low me to brighten the lives o f others and to make a positive difference in the world. B eing an Aquarian, I prefer to let go and sim ply enjoy what life brings to me and to not form detailed opinions on every little aspect o f life. 1 am 32, have soft brown hair (bald

The nicely built, hairy man is 29 He is an edu cated student. 6 ’ and 185 lb. Goran, a brown haired, green eyed fellow is clean sh a v e n , h e a lth y , o p e n minded guy w ho know s 4 la n g u a g e s , in c lu d in g Spanish. He w ill write to m en to a ge 6 o , e v e r y w h ere. G oran w ants to hear from A m ericans and Latins. Write to:

1 am 48, 6 ’5 ”, # 225, non-sm oker, non-drinker, no substances, full beard, medium hairy, and am look ing for friends in the U SA . B y ch oice I am a vegetar ian, but not dogm atic about it. 1 like reading avantg*arde poetry, scien ce fiction n ovels. I speak 2 for eign languages well: E nglish and Russian; 2 more somewhat: Polish and French. I like train travels and am contem plating to com e to the U S again in March 1995. My tour on A M TR A K w ill com prise C hicago, Flagstaff, Los A ngeles, Portland and Seattle. In mat ters o f sex I am m ostly into the bear scene veering towards SM , where 1 am a Top. 1 w ould be pleased to meet and — perhaps — be hosted by interesting like-m inded people with an artistic slant or real art ists, preferably musicians. I play the flute and the piano, am an avid collector o f LPs, C D s, M Cs and sheet m usic. I like all nationalities and am generally open for new experiences. H ow ever, I do not con done brutality, dirty gam es or substance abuse; safe

I’m writing a book about nature spirits and I’m sure many o f your readers have had w onderful e x periences with them. I would like to invite som e read ers to send me their experiences, so I can print them. The stories can be about seeing nature spirits, with a description o f the size/ shape and environm ent or talking with them or the trees, plants, m ountains or rivers. Som e people may also feel their presence and join in their dance or rituals. A ll stories w ill be ac knowledged. My first book titled M y A n g e ls A r e R e a l w as pub lished in England last year. On a personal level, if anyone w ould just like to write, I am a basic “bear”, bearded and hairy-all-over, 48 years, 5 ’6 ” and I enjoy sim ilar men. I delve into life and love from more o f a spiritual poin t-of-view and I’m sensitive and psychic and show people how to explore the same within them selves, so they can share with others. 1 reply to all letters. M ichael Francis Bray P.O. B ox 1000 R ockdale, N SW A U ST R A LIA 2216

sex only should be understood! I can also host over here in a m edium -sized town in N on h em Germ any, equidistant from the four gay “capitals” : Hamburg, B erlin, C o lo g n e , A m sterd am . Interested p eo p le (sin g le s/c o u p le s) write with facial picture to:

I’m a 30 y.o. “B ohem ian” mountain man living in the rugged w ild ern ess o f the m ou ntain s and rainforests o f remote West Tasmania, at the other end o f the world. I love isolation, creativity in all forms (especially poetry), am an avid botanist, love cold snow y mountains. M y life is dedicated to being c o n nected with the savage beauty o f this spirited ancient island. I’m worldly but relatively untainted. M oved by the essen ce o f B uddhism /Taoism , my destiny is that inner road shying away from ‘externalization’ — Living sim ply to sim ply live. Naturally I love hik ing, w inter’s first snow flake, soulful friendships, earthiness. 1 am very healthy/fit, a man o f great physi cal and em otional strength and depth. I’m 6 ft. tall muscular, bearded (koala?) bear, seekin g a sim ilarly individualistic passionate wild man w hose heart and mind is open to relate on w hatever level it finds it self — The Tasmanian M ountain D evil!

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# 5 9 -F '8 9 -R io to u s Fags D e s c e n d Faene Action Gathering Fieport. Granite Greeting Cards. Harry Hay on StonewaH's 20th; NAMBLA Controversy, How Much Wood m a Cord?, Lots of Fiction

Catch Up on 20 Fabulous Y e a r s! If you were there, you know how fabulous they were. Now here’s a chance to walk down memory lane. But even if you haven't been around as long as we have, there are lots of good reasons to order back issues Not only can you indulge your curiosity and learn more about our queer past; you can also enjoy erotica, homesteading tips, politics, recipes, poetry, gardening info and lots more So check out the listings offered below You'll not only be filling out your collection a n d supporting R F D , you'll also be helping us to clean out the barn.

# 6 0 -W '8 9 -R e -a d d re s s ln g F a e rie D o c t r in e s Faene Vision Feature NAMBLA Dialogue: Lee Valley Farm;Wmter Photography. Bru Dye on Urban Magic #61 -S p '9 0 -R a g ln g F o re ig n D ia trib e Canadian Gays Feature; Photography of Gary Plouff; Why So Few Faenes of Color?, Church Ladies for Choice # 6 2 -S u '9 0 -R a n d y F a e rie 's D ilem m a Getting Tested; Jim Jackson's Drawings; Solar Power; Black Leather Wings; Fiction

Back I s s u e s Ruailable # 7 -S p '7 6 -R h o d o d e n d ro n F o rs y th la D a ffo d ils Butterworth Farm; Rutabaga House; Reapte tor a Smalt Cabin; Note from a Gay Parent # 8 -S u '7 6 -R a s p b e rrle » , F re sh & D e lic io u s Golde4n, Oregon; Buying Land Is Faster than You Think; Slrictty Taboo; # 9 F '7 6 R e m e m b e r in g F o rg o tte n D ream s Is Country Living an Escape?; Indoor Bulb Forcing; Home on Wheels, Fighting Federal Logging Sales #11 -S p '7 7 -R o ta ry F lu ff Wolf Creek Journal; Sex Roles and Machinery

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# 4 4 -F '8 5 -R ig h tw in g F a s c is ts D e s c e n d Gays Facing Racism Feature; Masturbation; Politics of AIDS; Prison Rape

# 2 9 W '8 1 - R e le v a n t? Funny? D u m b ! Humor Issue; Fairy Purity Committee. Compost, Communism and Co-habitatlon; Rural Farm Business

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# 3 1 - S u '8 2 - R e c la im in g F o rg o tte n D e s e r t * Southwest Desert Plants; Tools for the Homestead; Homos in Argentina; Travels in Mexico; Thnving as Gays in Small-town America # 3 3 -W '8 2 -R a p p o rt From D o w n u n d e r Australian Faerie Gathering; I Ching Reading; How To Fast; Ritual and Community; Commitment ot Non-violent Sex Offenders, Parsnips # 3 4 -S p '8 3 -R o o ts , F a e rie s , D ream s Early RFD History; Will Roscoe questions The Faerie Phenomenon; Chain Saw Guide; Radical Spirituality # 3 5 -S u '8 3 -R o s e b u rg F a g g o ts & D y k e s Rural Oregon Feature, High School Homo; God as Female; Gay Mother Goose # 3 6 -F '8 3 -R h y th m ic F a g g o t D e le ria Interview with Faygele; Gay Health Crisis; Lunar Gardening # 3 7 -W '8 3 -R a d lca l F a iry D ig e s t Community,Gatherings & Sanctuary; Boy Love Is Natural; Meeting Walt Whitman # 3 8 -S p '8 4 -R e F o c u s in g D rea m s Dream Feature; RFD Staff Profiles; Aging Sagely; Faygele's Ruggele Recipie # 3 9 -S u '8 4 -R e tro s p e c tlv e For a D e c a d e R FD 's 1st Ten Years; Gay Balls and Carnivals; Jail is...Sexuality # 4 0 -F '8 4 -R e -s o u n d ln g F o r g o tte n D rum s Native-American Berdache; Interviews with Ron Lambe and Milo Guthrie; Pigs and Homesteading

# 4 6 -S p ’ 8 6 -R e a lly F a b u lo u s D ish Dishing Feature, The Shawl Tells All; Crit's Last Story # 4 7 -S u '8 6 -R e lis h ln g F rie n d ly D e s ir e s Is Loving Your Best Friend Adultery?; Sex with Friends; Canoe Camping; Household Hazards # 4 8 -F '8 6 -R is k ln g F e d e ra l D is a p p r o v a l Raising Exotic Animals; Composting Toilets; Taking Impressive Photographs; Sodomize for Freedom # 5 0 -S p '8 7 -Re jo Ic in g In F la m b o y a n t D iv e r s ity Why I Pander; Monks on the Road; Gay Poets; Gays in M ythology # 5 1 -S u’ 8 7 -R e fle c tin g a Forum of D re a m e rs Enjoying Safe Sex; The Uncoupled Male; Bio-Diversity;Walking for Health # 5 2 -F '8 7 -R o ik a : F ro g s k in s D is c a r d e d Joseph Kramer on Discarding Fantasy; Approaching Spiritual Maturity; What's a Radical Faerie?; Love & Intimacy; Coming Out Late # 5 4 - S p / S u '8 8 - R lg h t e o u s ly F u n c tio n a l D rag Drag Feature; Politics of Cross-dressing, Easy-Care Herb Garden; Why Aren’t Lesbians Pretty? # 5 5 -F '8 8 -R o n d o s F o r tis s im o s D im in u e n d o s Fey Music Feature; Civil Disobedience Cut or Uncut

# 4 1 - W ' 8 4 -Gay Bike-Tour ol China, Most Gay-tolerant States; Aardvark Follies

# 5 6 -W '8 8 -R e -e v a lu a tln g Food and D ru g s Wholistic Diet Feature; Iconoclast's AIDS Treat-ment; Mark Skinner Photography; Gardens in Winter

# 42 -S p '8 5-R x For D e lig h t Compost: Nature's Healer; Politics ol Obscenity; Homestead Financial Planning;-The Shawl; Milo's Political Campaign

# 5 7 -S p '8 9 -R e b !rth From th e D e s e r t Spirituality Feature; The Faerie Shawl; Faerie Direct Action; What to Do When the FBI Calls

# 4 3 -S u '8 5 -R e la tlv e Form s of D esire So You Want to Go to a Gathering; Organic Chickens; Sex in the Boonies; Snake Gardening

# 58 -S u '8 9 -R e a m s of F ic tio n D is p a tc h e d David Leavitt Interview; How to Become a Vegetarin; Falling In Love Again; Faeries Don't Get AIDS; Molested (NAMBLA dialogue); New-Age Brain Rot; Lots of Fiction

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# 6 3 -F '9 0 -R o o s te r F o o s te r D o o s te r Franklin Abbot: What To Do When Shit Happens; Sex and The Shaman; Journal of a Grass Harvest # 6 4 - W '9 0 - R e llg lo u s ly F la v o re d D o g g e r e l Men's Fest Raid, James Broughton: Long Live Gaiety; Santeria Wedding # 6 5 S p '9 l- R u t t in g For D is a r m a m e n t Draft Resistance; Devic Gardening; Just Say Yes: Worship Naked # 6 6 - S u '9 i- R e s o lv in g F u n d a m e n ta l D if f e r e n c e s John Burnside: What's a Radical Faerie?; Giving Your Lover NextOf-Kin Rights; Prairie Plants # 6 7 -F '9 l -R ain bo w Faery D an ce rs Letter From a Prison Punk; Rainbow Gathering; Old Cars; Faeries in Sodom # 6 8 W '9 1 -R e a litie s From a D is t a n c e Leo Spruell on Phallic Mysteries of Mexico; Gay Spirit Visions Conf.; Havoc's Faerte Tales; James Broughton: The Holiness of Sexuality # 6 9 -S p '9 2 -R im m in g For D in g le b e r r ie s Humor Issue; Agnes' Nose;Saga of Pomp Kiersey; Joan Jett Blakk for Prez; Spring Flowers # 7 0 -S u '9 2 -R io ts ! F re e d o m ? D is m a y ... Crazy Owl on Miso; Outwrite Conference; Rock Walls and Sex # 7 1 -F '9 2 -R e u s a b le F lo ra l D ia p e rs Chicago Faeries Feature; Faery Songs of Yore;Eating Weeds; Lots of Fiction # 7 2 -W '9 2 -R e fo rm a ttln g For D is k s Wood-fired Hot Tub; Ornamental Grasses: Down Home Erotica; Travels in Mexico; Ronnie and Clyde # 7 3 -S p '9 3 -R a lly ! F la m e !! D e m o n s t r a t e ! ! ! Dime Store Sex; RFD Questionaire; Joy of Nudism # 7 4 -S u '9 3 -R e c u p e ra tin g From D.C. Harry Hay: Neither Boy Nor Girl; Starting Trees from Seed; NAMBLA Blah-Blah; Letter from China; Donny-the-Punk in Russia; Molested? # 7 5 -F '9 3 -R e c a llln g F o rm e r D e c a d e s 20th Anniver-sary Retrospective: Issues 1-16; Photography of Mark Chester; 1st Quilting Column; Why Cakes Fail # 7 6 -W '9 3 -R e la x , F o lk s ! D ream ! NAMBLA Dialogue; IDA Community Forms;Retrospective: Issues 17-32; Maple Syruping; Photos by Keith Gemerek; Tied Up and Fucked Like a Pig;Questionaire Results

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1995

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1996

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1995

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1995

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Equinox. Second class mail may take up to three to four weeks. If you don’t receive your copy within a month of the publishing date, please check with us. The number of your last issue is on the mailing label. Second class mail will not be forwarded, so you must let us know if you move. We print the names of all contributors, but not their addresses (except for contact letters). Contributors can be reached through RFD. We do n ot give out th e ad dresses o f subscribers, however. RFD will forward mail to them. WORDS - This is a reader-w ritten journal, so please send us your work (under 2500 words is best). I f you have your work on M ac-com patible MS Word or

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1995

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RFD is published quarterly and is delivered around the Solstice and the

i i

Summer

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V A COUNTRY JOURNAL V FOR CAY MIN FVERYWIII R|

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MacWrite, please send a 3.5" disk along with a printed copy, //y o u are working with any other type of computer, please just send a printed copy, in sin gle-sp aced , 4 and 3/4 inch column format. We wield the editorial pen lightly, however we do (hopefully) correct for spelling and punctuation, unless otherwise noted. ARTWORK - We always need more graphics and photos than we have. If you are

an artist or a photographer (You don’t have to be a professional.just talented). Send us a portfolio. Xeroxes when the quality is good rather than original art is advisable. PHOTOS - If you have a choice, black and whites reproduce better than color. However, if you have a gem of a color photo, send it to us. If you would like special treatment of your work or want it returned, please be specific. No negatives, please. DRAWINGS - It is difficult for us to get good quality reproductions from color drawings and light pencil drawings. Light blue is invisible to the camera and red photographs as black. (Try using red color pencil instead of graphite sometime.) Again, if you want special handling, be specific.

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