RFD Issue 82 Summer 1995 by RFD Magazine Gay

Â© Ben Tink

expressing the unexpressable

--a personal ra n t on the state of p rim itive by Random Leopard

The f ir s t person I knew to use the phrase Faerie Primitive was Badger Boy. then an itinerant a rtis t creating ceremonial pipes and ritu a l daggers, spears and a rtifacts from found pieces of nwtai_ .and wood that he purposefully sea vested from dumpsters and building sites, sometimes spending hours extracting copper wire from olc\ refrigerators, finding beauty and usefulness in the trash of america. When I met him back in "93 Badger was arriving in towns, sett ing-up his scary looking objects in parks and public places and creating spectacle for those brave enough to stay arox md and watch . him channel demons and perform his almost-over-the edge shamanic madness. He had a dream of attacking the Pentagon —that sym' ool of a ll things pa triarvhaland oppressive — with nothing but a spear and his blood-curdling scream. For me primitivism is about feeling:.#-*.periencing the body and allow: mg its highs and lows to inform me of the greater aspects of sp irit and mind. I want to experience the earth tangibly; t o experienc :e my body in a ll its capacity; opening the senses to hear a ll they may tell. It is PAGAN FUNDAMENTALISM! A celebra tion of sex uality and a celebration of earthly passion as a route to the divine. I want to consciously lead myself to a place where desire may be faced, fe lt and played with. Faerie primitivism is about getting into the d irt to rea lly feel our fingers in the soil exploring fetish as gateways to parts unknown; covering ourselves in mud to feel a true connection with the earth; making love v-.dth trees to celeb rate our oneness with nature; getting our noses deep into the skin of a partner to draw-in and appreciate their 'scents; getting cold a o d rolling around in the snow; lowering our energy to merge with the winter roots; laying naked, worshippj _ng. under the summer sun. doming to the Moon. Developing that part of ourselves that works not with logic, but with gut-level in .tuition. Surrendering to th<. i animal part of ourselves that lives by instinct. Always remaining conscious of what we are doing . its affect on those near to us an d those too distant to ever know. We take the pain we may feel deep inside and ritualize our feeling i t physically. We feel our fear s o that i t doesn’t control us. We allow our sadness so that i t may enrich our joy. The primitive is a deep place where communication i occurs through the energy that is us and through the ether that is between us. Like the conscious ness of a child that sees a ll thin, gs as one. without boundary, and experiences the world as a bundle of unnamed emotions and thoug] its. We learn to open-up our vulne rability, our sensitivity to emotion and the touch of others —increasing our union in sisterhood, 1 vhether we are face to face or tho\ isand miles apart. Eelating more tru th fu lly and freely in this life we are born into screaming an< 1 gurgling and laughing and lovi ng, I came to the Faeries with much learning from p agan identified urban anarchists . I had been led to this consciousness, in part at least, v ia my experience of sexuality: the questioi ling of societal roles from being q ueer. the feeling of being an outsider within the gay movement, as well as an overactive im aginati an, an unquenchable desire for the unusual, and some pretty deep revelations while sleazing-it in the clubs and tearooms —I really felt that I sensed the divine whe n on my knees worshipping phallus and another faceless Embodiment of the Almighty. Now these explorations are also informed by Ba< iica l Faerie history and thought and are made richer and more subtle with the injection of the Faerie essences of sp irit and con ipassion. communality, and persons 1 and collective growth. I draw strength from knowing I am part of an increasingly large and i: icreasingly diverse family of que er spirits. I know that each F u ll Moon comrades are also focusing their energies into her. I knov r that on Mayday, the Solstices am i other sabbats there is a collective energy that goes beyond my own celebrations, either personal or as part of a group. My sexual evolution continues as I learn to understand the realities of AIDS and safer sex. As I and those I s ee as my brothers and sisters are f orced to face health crises and death, the moment becomes sharper, the potential for passion in phys ical embodiment becomes greater. 1 ’he restrictions of safe sex practice have taught me to experience more deeply a lig h t touch; is tea ching me the significance of the < jxchange of sexual energy. Our sex becomes more and more divine, our d ivinity becomes more and more physical. Ejaculation becomes less of an immediate focus, body orgasm becomes more of a possibility. Then when we "shoot" i t is a ritu al. And in the circle of rit ual I may allow myself to experience a more and more diverse and meaningful sexuality: in groups , empowering role play, consciouslj r experiencing pain, unconsciously experiencing tantra, unleashing the erotic, going with the flc >w, feeling the body electric alio wing ecstasy. We teach each other to raise and channel energy, to explore a ll parts of our pei -sonal make-up in a positive lig ht, with spiritual intent, to create ritu a ls of connection to one and other, and connection to ours elves and our environment. I do not want to steal from and exploit people and cultures I can never hope to unders tand —people whose unique ways of being I know are being destroyed by the unrelenting and unmerciful chainsaw of cap italist mat erialism -- yet from what I hear and read I take inspiration and find affirmation of what I alre ady have discovered as a parts of myself. Aspects of self lost during the cruel socialization into the wastelands of industrial s ociety. I empower myself to create my own mythologies; I look to the histories that reclaim the stories of our ancestors: I listen to th< 3 spirits of the land that s t i ll spea k to those who w ill Just listen. I treat a ll books and information firs t with suspicion, and, instead, I am led-by. and trust, my own d irect experience. intuition, and the guidance of trusted friends. There is no heaven waiting for us when we die, and our time in these our bodies can tx 3 a il too short. We owe i t to ourselves to believe in our own majick and access i t as we w ill, to a c t out our most primal needs, wit h intention, so we may i-elate to our many many sig nifican t others as supportively and as uninhi bitedly as we can. We must also fii id a context for that experience in the reality of the places we liv e and the people we live with. And we have a responsibility to emp ower the use of the word "primitive" with a ll its potential for sp iritu al growth and social change .and then take the power, center® dness, knowledge and belief that i t represents to create beautiful —or boundary-crushing— art. words ilict subvert regular tX ierns of thought, gardens that feed us, circles that heal us, means of sustainable economy, harmonious anarchy, loving liberation and conscious community... ...because you just know that in a year's time the whole concept w ill be sucked up by Madison Avenue and honed down to be nothing but

ABSOLUTE PRIMITIV!

CONTENTS

RFD is a reader*writien journal for gay men which focuses on country living and encourages alternative life-styles. Articles often explore the building of a sense of community, radical faerie consciousness, caring for the environment, as well as sharing gay m en’s experiences.

O o

tO M A tlS FA IRY CONTACTS BROTHERS BEHIND BARS PERSONAL (X ) NT ACTS

Editorial responsibility is shared between the Department editors and the Managing Editors. The business and general production is centered at Short Mt. Sanctuary in rural middle Tennessee. Features are often prepared in various places by different groups.

COMIX NORM PORTLAND BIRD

KK(;iLVH ttV lL K L ii CU LTUR E CORNER GARDENING NO NEWS OUILTING

sp»rruAiJTY

LUNAR CALENDAR REMEMBERING COMMUNITY CONTACT

5 4 ,5 5 58 61 6 4

EEAILKK; FAERIE RANDOM NOTES ON PRIMITIVE NEO PRIMITIVES HOMO HEX SAYING YES PO ETRY & POLAROID'S INTERVIEW WITH A SACRED DRAG QUEEN PRIMITIVE ? SALVATION AND ANNIHILATION HOMO NYMPHS PIERCING TATTOO MAGIC 3 SHORT POEMS ABOUT MY MOHAWK BONDAGE A LIFE

DISTRACTED ROMANCING TH E STONE AGE WRITING I HATE EVERYBO DY YOU. HATEBOY FETISH & KINK DANCING TO TH E G RA TEFU L DEAD UNPASTEURIZED HOMO PISS LO V ES BEAST FU L L MOON CEREMONY MAN & HIS C Y M B A LS NOTES OF AN EROTIC CONTEM PLATIVE KOAN A SPIRIT MAP HOMOEROTIC KOKOPELU VALERIA: A FA B LE

ROBIN DON ENGSTROM KEITH HENNESSY & JACK DAVIS SOL/R & JOM BI DAMIEN GRAYJO MICHAEL & LEOPARD SANDORFAC SUSAN STODDARD JANNATHAN FALLING LONG SYLVA N & TRISC U IT RUSSELL MORGAN DOWNY TED SENEGAL. JON MEEHAN MAXZINE WEINSTEIN MITCHELL. HERRINGTON JO M BI W O M PW O M P ERIC W ILCOX DELJLAH TOM SEIDNER SOL/R UBOGY DAVID COUGAR COMPTON, PAUL KARI.IK ILLUS RAJ I DOROTEZ C A RL MACK DIMID HAYES FRANKLIN ABBOTT DONALD L ENGSTROM JO E LEM BO TIM

12 13 14 17 1 8 ,1 9

20,21

22 23 24 25 2 6 ,2 7 27 2 8 -3 1 31 3 2 ,3 3 3 4 ,3 5 36 3 7 ,3 8 3 9 -4 1 4 2 ,4 3 43 4 4 -4 6 4 6 -4 8 49 51 52 53 59 60

CONTRIBUTORS CARL MACK CA R L VAUGHN FRICK CHRIS DAVIS DAMIEN GRAY DANCING MANF DAVID COMPFON DAVID GREIG DAVID PHILLIPS DAVID SHARP FAUNA DELJLAH DIMID H AYES DON L ENGSTROM DOWNY SOFT ERIC W ILCO X FRANKLIN ABBOTT HATHAWAY JACK DAVIS JANNATHAN F A IIJN G LONG JASON CH IR P ER 'SER JN U S JO E ll-M B O JOHN O LEA RY JOM BI WOMP WOMP JON MEEHAN KFJTH HENNESSY

49 5 6 ,5 7 2 3 ,4 3 1 8 ,1 9 9 44 46 2 8 -3 1 7 21 3 9 41 5 0 ,5 1 1 3 ,5 3 ,5 8 27 3 7 .3 8 52 7 14 16 24 62 64 59 2 0 ,3 9 41 1 7 ,3 6 31 14 16

LEE SrEN H A U S I.EOPARD LYSA SULLJVAN M AXZINE WEINSTEIN MITCHELL HERRINGTON MOONHAWK MUDDCAT NORM PAUL KARI.IK P IT E R LIEN RAJ I DOROTEZ ROBIN RUSSELL. MORGAN SANDORFAG SOL/R UBOGY SPIRIT STEVEN L BERG SUSAN STODDARD SYLVAN TED SENEGAL TIM TOM SEIDNER TRJSCUIT MANSON V A L M CO X

COVER ART BY PETER LIEN FRONT INSIDE COVER BY CYNJON NOAH BACK INSIDE COVER BEN FINK COVER LAYOUT DESIGN BY PHIL WOODWARD

RFD (ISSN # 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $18 per year by Short Mt. Collective, Rt 1, Box 84A, Liberty, TN 37095. Second class postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095. ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt status under #23-7199134 as a function of Gay Community Social Services Seattle, Washington.

Member: CLMP (Council of Literary Magazines & Presses) IGLA (Int’l Gay & Lesbian Assoc.) INDEXED by Altem aUve Press Index PO Box 3 3 1 0 9 Baltim ore. MD 2 1 2 1 8

o f T h is I s s u e RFD C o v e r P r ic e h a s

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INCREASED TO $ 6 .5 0 . A REOU.AK SUBSCRIPTION IS THE I .EAST EXPENSIVE WAY TO RECEIVE IT 4 TIMES A YEAR.

1 6 ,5 5 ,7 3 4 4 -4 6 3 8 .5 4 4 6 -4 8

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22 1 7 ,4 3 8 ,9 52 23 25 2 8 -3 1 60 4 2 -4 3

25 50

The next issue qI RFD mill lotus qh

POLITICS <§<afemiT WpitiBg S Images See page 73 for more info.

Dear RFD, Greetings buddies and brothers. I have recently finished reading my second issue of RFD, as I am new to your existence. Let me say it's the best thing I've read in a long time I had no idea you were out there - I'd like to say I have found my family. I'm a country boy stuck in city life. I eagerly await delivery of issue #82. I've enclosed a contribution - an original poem and artwork. I'll try to send more your way for each issue if you desire? I'm a queer artist and write with some success, a few publications and gallery shows. I look forward to reading the new "Culture Corner". I'm interested in gay artist, what they have to say and the work they do. I feel there is a special connection among gay people, Shamanism, and the arts. (Shamanism was the beginning of art and many Shamans were gay or crossgendered.) There is some kind of spirituality in this creative force that bonds the three together. Well enough of that! I would like to correspond with other gay artist - maybe we could exchange artwork, poetry, and philosophies. Artist should have some kind of connection to nature and the pagan soul. Fellow Faerie Artist's can write me at the address below. Peace and Love, Kevin Greeland 824 North 5th St. Reading, PA 19601-2212

Dean RFD, 1 juAt dniAhed leading the Spring iAAue, #87. As usual, it aioa ijuM oj, great a rticles, essays, and handy thingA to leaAn. [jJhen l read the. article i>y Scott O'Hara, 1 recalled his article in the Summed '92 issue #70. I u/< lack and reread his {yiAAt article "Rock walls 8 Sex". I rememlened his joy and satiAdiction aA Aeeing hiA wail grow 8 take shape. In this current article, l realized that Scott once Hoed in San Francisco 8 waA the porn star, on Atage and in "The. Other Side ojy AApen II". It iA good to hear that h e iA alive, and w ell; aA <so many d ie oj, AIDS, and that h e haA d>und jyaHjiilmenl and AatiAjjaction with hiA wail iuilding and country living. Theae iA nothing lik e a hand day ojj la lo r and then Atanding lack to enjoy you/i cAeative handy wort,. I do hope Scott will w rtte anotheA a rticle in 2 yeaAA and give uA Aome fohotoA oj, hiA wailA, house and gaAden. A good wail will laAt aA long aA it iA tended and caAed d>r. I hope you get to Aee the wailA in China and what alout Penal The IncaA loved wailA too! A wall can take on a lid- oj, il'A own aA the Aoil AettleA and the moAAeA and vegetation AtartA to take hold.

There iA nothing more ifulifiituig than courtly living whexe you have the privacy to wort nude and j/iel the Aun and air on youx Akin, and Aweat honestly. VeA Scott, RockwallA 8 Sexane much alike; in doing we receive, le it a wall ox sex. The dilAe xence iA that a wall iA continuous pleasure returned, while sea, iA spoxatic.. We need loth in out liveA. A wail iA a lalox oj, love and may you loth teach and team {,rom each other. Love iA dynamic interaction with nature and your partner, and I hope you have loth. A Country Boy John

Dear Editor, Recently while visiting friends in Liberty, I had the good fortune to pick up a copy of RFD. I was impressed with your magazine's commitment to the Community - and it's positive portrayal of the gay experience. With that in mind, I feel it is my obligation to call your readers' attention to the positive gay rolemodel that TV's "N.Y.P.D. Blue" has brought to prime time this season, the producers have proved that they really are a "cutting edge" police drama by adding an openly gay receptionist to the shows gritty Manhattan squad room. They are to be congratulated for having the courage to go beyond stereotypes and to create a character the Queer Community can be proud of. It's about time! The new gay character is open about his sexual orientation and makes no apologies about it to anyone, including the gruff and vaguely homophobic police detective played by Dennis Franz. How refreshing! He is not only dignified and caring but also damn good at his job. "N.Y.P.D. Blue" has once again proved that stereotypes are meant to be broken. I urge all of your readers to watch the show, and to let ABC know that we support their efforts in portraying a gay character in a healthy and realistic light. Write your comments to: Steven Bochco Productions, 10201 W Pico Blvd., Los Angeles, CA 90035 Sincerely, Brad Foster

Dear Editor We are writing you to enlist your help on behalf of two prisoners of the lesbian and gay movement Harry Hay and his partner John Burnside In May of 1993, Harry and John were burned out of their house in Los Angeles. The fire destroyed not only their home & many possessions, but also a viable economic arrangement that enabled them to get by on their monthly social security income. Thanks to the help of many friends, several thousand dollars were raised in 1993 to help Harry and John relocate and meet emergency expenses. They are now settled in a comfortable, if somewhat cramped, one bedroom cottage in West Hollywood. The problem is that the rent for even this modest home, along with other expenses, outstrips their monthly income. Given the present housing market in L .A ., thereâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s very little chance of finding a less expensive home. The shortfall is steadily eating up their savings and security. At the ages of 83 and 78. after having given a lifetime of service to the gay movement, Harry and John are now facing serious economic distress. The answer is simple enough. A circle of friends pledging $5, $10, $20, or whatever you can afford, monthly or quarterly can easily meet this shortfall. A P.O. Box has been established to receive donations and these will be deposited into a savings account on Harry and John's behalf. To join us, send a donation payable to "Harry Hay & John Burnside" or just a letter indicating your interest, to: Friends of Harry & John. POB 15154, S .F ., CA 94115. We'll send you return envelopes for future gifts. More than once I've seen total strangers come up to Harry and say, "Thank you for my life!". And if you think about it, this is exactly what Harry has given us all by launching the gay movement in 1950 - a community to come out to and the chance to actually live as lesbians and gay men. Compared to this, the gift we give Harry and John now may seem small, but will be no less precious if it affords them the security they deserve. Please join us. In gay spirits, The Friends of Harry and John

Dear RFDens, {jJowl Vou guyA keesp llowing me away with youx coveXA, and loch coven ant too. JeAAe. CampleliA masterpiece on the Spring â&#x20AC;&#x2122;95 coven iA a {yull doe Alans Dynamic, penetrating, leautidil. }{> the gay pulliAhing industry had an Oscar night, RFD would certainly win one ijOX their covens thiA past year. Keep up the good wort. BUI C allahan E ditor oj, BROS

ARTLAND September 22 - 25, 1905 at IDA, a queer artist community 10 miles from Short Mountain Come early (9/18) and stay late (9/27) Saturday and Sunday' are the mam event ARTLAND brings artist together to learn from each other try new forms, and experience the outdoors 3 veggie meals a day. camping, and lots of spontaneous zanmess will be served on IDA s 250 acres of woods, creeks and ridges $75 for Friday night through Monday morning if registered by 9/1/95 or $90 after 9/1/95. $10 for each additional day before and after the weekend For more info call or write IDA P.O Box 874, Smithville, TN 37166-0874 Tel 615/5974409 WASHINGTON WICCANS The Church of Wicca The Order of the Golden Faeries - Sons and Daughters of the New Moon. Call 206/627-5417 (No collect calls please) for information about meeting time and place, or write: P.O. Box 69, Retsil, WA 98378. Meetings are 2nd and 4th Fridays of the month in Tacoma This is a meeting for Pagans, your sexual orientation is not an issue, you are free to be who you are. Awaken the spirit of ritual, unleash your true Pagan spirituality. Please join us for a spiritually uplifting evening of fellowship, guided meditations, and psychic healing. A potluck will follow the ritual. Bring a dish to share. Please bring your own eating utensils (plate, cup, silverware), this will help us cut down on garbage and clean-up. A donation for rental space is appreciated. When it is not raining in the summer we meet in one of the Tacoma Parks. We have had inmates call and write for financial assistance, we are a small group and not in a position to assist inmates financially.

/ / / / IN

S EARCH O F . . .

Are you looking for someone or something you have lost contact with? Send us the info, in as few words as possible and we will print it in three consecutive issues. Daron Michael used to live in Miami, FL, black hair. Shane & Shawn Gibson twin brothers moved away from from Starke, FL about 1991 If you know the whereÂ abouts of any of these please contact David Newham, DC799172 H-6-D-11, Martin C.l.I , 1150 S.W Appatition Rd., Indiontown, FL 34956 (E-84) Edward Lloyd Rice approx. 30yr old, formerly of Ellijay, GA. Visited Idaho in Spring '87. Contact David Yon, 26889 IMSI-B, P.O Box 51 Boise, ID 83707-0051 (E-84)

1995 MIDWEST MEN'S FESTIVAL will be July 18 - 29, 1995. A summer gathering in an all male community. Although this festival is attended primarily by gay men, all men are encouraged to attend. The event contains workshops, no-talent shows, enjoyment of the campground with a big lake for swimming, and a loving safe environment to explore the male spirit. Contact David or Jay at: 913/268-4661 or write: Midwest Men's Festival, P.O. Box 32663, Kansas City, MO NORTHWOODS SUMMER GATHERING AT KAWASHAWAY August 4 - 13, 1995. Each year as the sun crosses over toward autumn we gather at Kawashaway, "No place between". The collection of spirits there opens in sweet surrender to the luminous lovelight of the world. Our band once again makes it's rendezvous with play & ritual, sweetness & laziness, work & love, heart & soul, bliss & transforÂ mation, sexuality & spirituality, rock & water, earth & sky. Kawashaway is a sanctuary for Radical Faeries and other wild things, deep in the woods of northern Minnesota's Superior National Forest. All are welcome. For more info, contact Rocky or Donut at: Gordon - Oakes, P.O. Box 50458, Minneapolis, MN 55405 612/874-9079

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AUSTIN FAERIES Regular circles meet the 3rd Tuesday of the month at 7:00pm, 227 Congress Ave. at the Grassroots Peace Building at the southeast corner of 3rd and Congress.

NOMENUS GATHERING AT WOLF CREEK 10 day spiritual gathering of Radical Faeries August 25 - September 4 For info call: 503/866-2678. Advanced registration urged.

NW RADICAL FAERIES Celebrate the Radical Faerie summer gathering at Breitenbush Hot Springs Retreat and Conference Center, August 17 - 20, 1995. Breitenbush is a beautiful intentional community southeast of Portland , in the Oregon Cascades. Faeries will gather for 4 days, sharing stories, rituals, fantasies, wisdom, healing, and love amid the spectacular surroundings, hot springs, hottubs, sauna, and Sweat Lodge. Some Faerie Fee Funds available. To register, write: BBS'95, 114 NE 22nd Ave., Portland, OR 97232-3104. E-mai I:Ravnd Vi ll@aol.com, or call: 503/626-8062

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Jerry Gamel from Haines City, FL. Last seen at Sheppard AFB, 1960. Chris Landon from Brooklyn, NYC. Last seen in Elizabethtown, KY. Eric Smith from Towanda, PA. If you know the whereabouts of any of these three, please contact Don Karnes, 1702 Massachusetts Ave. NW, Washington, DC 20036. Call collect 202/319-1644. (E-84)

GENERAL STORE SACRED DJ SUBSCRIPTION SERVICE For an annual fee of $50 you will receive 390 minute cassettes of Sacred DJ's mix of Temple music which favors obscure beauty, cutting edge world music, worship songs from many cultures and suprising blends of pop, classical, and new age. You will receive a

Dan Shea, tall, long haired, poet/ visionary. We intersected in Phi Ily in the 60's, caught Zen waves with Native American undertow. Contact Ed Kaplan at 609/429-1836 (E-83)

music newsletter 3 times a year with notes and reviews on new music, and sneak previews of Sacred DJ's work-in -progress

You will also have the opportunity

to buy compilations previously available only to close friends, and book Sacred DJ for

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special occasions

Send check and/or write for

SANTA FE MASSAGE-Healing hands for

more info to Don Shewey, 336 W. 71st St#IF,

Heavenly Bodies

NYC. NY 10023

MAssage therapy for gay men

Deep tissue, Swedish, Tantric, and Accupressure

10 years experience

plaza in Santa Fe, NM Joseph 5 0 5 /9 8 2 -6 8 2 7

Violetta, If anyone has his current address, please contact JanNathan Long at SMS, 247 Sanctuary Lane, Liberty, TN 37059 ph 615/563-4397 (E-83)

TENNESSEE OPEN HOUSE John & Lee welcome guests to come visit, play, and enjoy the country life for a weekend or a week this summer Camp-out or sleep-in, your choice We have a great antebellum shack on 37 acres with a creek, organic garden and lots of great neighbors We are located 2 miles from IDA and 10 miles from Short Mountain Food costs can be worked out on an individual basis Call or write to schedule your visit John & Lee, 8787 Dry Creek Rd , Dowelltown, TN 37059 Ph 615/5975826

Near the

Visitors welcome

Call

DRUM BAGS-Made to order

If you'd like a

drum bag made to carry and protect your drum, just send me it's size and I can mail it to you. The bags are made with a heavy

BODY JEWELRY-LEATHER TIGER brand available in 316L Surgical Stainless Steel, Niobium, and 14K Gold For a complete catalog and pricelist send $2 0 0 to John Wall, 8787 Dry Creek Rd Dowelltown, TN 3 7 0 5 9 or call 6 1 5 /5 9 7 -5 8 2 6 -

H-

fabric, lined with cotton, have a foam pad to protect the drum top, and carry straps Send dtmentions to James, 247 Sanctuary Lane, Liberty, TN 3 7 0 9 5 and I'll send you a price

GAYA-Gay Consciousness and Spirituality

Austin A rea F aeries Casa de Los Manposas 12514-b Esplanade St. Austin. TX 78727-4409 512/837-1596 Faene Foneline 512/370-4708 Fax 512/836-9715 Email lazams@bga.com

Heidelberg Faene Circle Blucherstrmsse 1 W -6900 Heidelberg Germany 49/6221-860535

Holy Faery Database (networking tool for faenes) c/o Harry Ugol/ Michael Dreyer 1434 Alemany Blvd S.F., C A 9 4 1 1 2 415/469-0625

House of the Dawn Black L eath er W ings PO Box 210556 San Francisco CA 94121 Blue Heron Farm Rt 1 Box 1244 Dekalb, NY 13630 B ritish C olum bia R adical Faeries 1475 Santa Rosa Rd. Christina Lake, BC VOH 1E3 604/447-9414 - Michael or Lar C en tral New Y ork R adical Faeries c/o Nick Papatonis 406 S. Plain St. #3 Ithica, NY 14850

112W . Way POB 637 Yamell, AZ 85362 520/427-3112

IDA - A queer artist community P.O. Box 874 Smithville, TN 37166-0874 615/597-4409

IMAGINE? XXOO, A Permaculture collective in paradise P.O. Box 1463 Pahoa, HI 96778 808/334-3359 - Voicemail

kawashaway Sanctuary C h icag o F aerie C ircle 812 N. Noble-Coach House Chicago, IL 60622 312/235-8315 E-mail AUDR1US@WWA.COM World Wide Web Home Page @ HTTP://G AGME.WWA.COM /-AUDRIUS/FAERIE.HTM

c/o Gordon-Oakes P.O. Box 50458 Minneapolis ,MN 55405 612/874-9079 - Rocky

L ’ Affaire The Beau Monde POB 3036 Pineville, LA 71361

D.C. Faeries c/o Happy doodle 301 /9 4 6 -0 5 17

Men Nurturing Men

Euro-Faeries

c/o Midwest Men’s Center POB 2547 Chicago, IL 60690 312/348-3254

c/o John Ferguson Nieuwe Molstrat 2A 2512 BK The Hague Netherlands 011-31 -70-310-6554 E-mail jaO@amvoice.xs4all.nl

Faeries on the Web @ http://www.eskimo.com/ ~davidk/faeries.html or call David at:206/720-0895

Fey Dirt News & info line in area Portland, Oregon 503/235-0826

Feydish Computer Bulletin Board 415/861-4221

Frontiers Socials, discussions and outdoor events for Gay and Bi men 14 W. Mifflin St Suite 103 Madison , Wl 53703 608/251-7424

Ganowungo Sanctuary, W. N.Y. Jay Stratton 121 Union St. Westfield, NY 14787

Gay Organic Gardeners Jeff Kuykendall 1873 N. 600 Rd, Baldwin, KS

New Hampshire/ Vermont (southern)

P a n th e o s PO Box 9543 Santa Fe, NM 87504 505/982-6827

Philadelphia F aeries c/o Earth 2221 Spring Garden St #3R Philadelphia. PA 19130 215/864-9922 Portland OR See Fey Dirt R ural Gay M en's G roup support network for Canadian countrymen PO Box 1404, Port Hanly B.C. CANADA VON 2P0 Rose of Sharon c/o Oglesby /Thornton Rt. 2 Box 1.30A2 Elkins. AR 72727 501/643-3855 Sacred Faeries 165 Regent St Salt lak e City, UT 84111 801/531-6846 San Diego Stonewater Spirit Circle c/o Larry Hull P.O. Box 4121 San Diego, CA 92164 San F ran cisco Tel-a-Fairy 415/626-3369 Events ami message tape for the Bay Area faenes

San ta C ru z Fairy Line 408/335-5861 Events and message tape for the Santa Cruz area

Ron 603/478-5437 N YC F aerie C ircle POB 1251 Canal St Sta N.Y., NY 10013 Gay Switchboard 212/777-1800

Nomenus POB 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 503/866-2678 415/626-3369 (San Francisco) same as Tel-a-Fairy number

S eattle F airy Phone 206/783-2011 event tape for Seattle area Short M ountain S an ctu ary Route 1 Box 84-A Liberty, TN 37095 615/563-4397 (messages) South ern C aliforn ia Star Circle- Faerie Dish Rag POB 26807 l>os Angeles, CA 90026

N o rth eastern Faeries (including Blue Heron Farm) POB 1251 Canal St Sta N.Y., NY 10013

V erm o n t- Destiny Lodge PO Box 88 Northfidd.VT 05663 802/485 6668

N orthw estern F aeries 1510 19th Ave Seattle, WA 98122

Windy C ity (Jay N aturists P.O. Box 2547 Chicago, IL 60690 2547 708/451-1138 Mark

C ircle of Q u eerP agans/ O klahom a Radical Faeries P.O. Box 32321 OKC, OK 73123 405/722-8985

Ontario Faeries/ Fees du Quebec Amber Fox Sanctuary Box 65. McDonald’s Comers Ontario CANADA K0G IM0 613/278-2744

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f SUBMISSIONS FOR AN ANTHOLOGY O - OF GAY MEN’S EROTICA. 1 I am beginning to compile work for an anthology of gay men's erotica. I am looking for short fiction/personal stories that address sexual intimacy between men in an imaginative manner. I am interested in a deeper kind of eroticism that involves subjectivity and mutuality. One possible model writer os Anais Nin whose work is highly erotic without being extremely explicit in terms of the mechanics of sex. I am interested in sensuality, story line, the unusual, the mysterious. I hope to represent writers from diverse cultures and can work with rough English translations. I appreciate receiving work that has been previously published as well as new work. Terms of compensation will be agreed upon before we sign a contract for publication. Some short poetry and line drawings may also be used in the anthology. Send work with SASE and two self addressed stamped post cards (if international I will provide return postage) by August 31, 1995 to: Franklin Abbott, P.O. Box 95312, Atlanta, GA 30347, USA

REQUEST FOR CRUISING STORIES Gay sociologist at Indiana Univ. conducting research on how singie sexually active gay men cruise. Interested in the nature of cruising, particularly methods used to cruise in bars, bathhouses, streets, outdoor areas, etc. What are some of the techniques you use? How do you avoid dangers such as robbery, assault, HIV infection, etc.? How do you know the men you cruise are sexually compatible? Describe cruising techniques you used that were successful, unsuccessful. Do you use cruising symbols i.e. hanky code? Where are your favorite cruising spots? Do you actively cruise, wait to be cruised, or both? Any other thoughts on cruising? Asking for anonymous replies (age and city you live in). All replies will be treated confidentially. Send to:David Aveline, Dept, of Sociology, Ballatine Hall, Bloomington, IN 47405 USA E-mail DTAVELIN@UCS.INDIANA.EDU

THE HERMIT'S GROVE MEMORIAL WOODLANDS Not to mislead you, our Memorial Woodland is perhaps 1/3 of an acre, but we have been preserving it for a decade and are taking all possible legal steps to provide guaranteed preservation for the stone circle begun over 10 years ago beneath the tall Douglas Firs and equally regal Maples. Just west of the woodland is an area which has seen the planting of trees in memory of loved ones who have passed into the otherworld, most of whom have passed over struggling against AIDS. Obviously, the amount of space for trees is highly limited and we wondered how else we might provide space in memory of loved ones. The answer - bells! You are invited to send any number of bells to be hung among and from the trees in the woodland in memory of your loved ones. As the winds come across the Olympic Mountains from the ocean, blow over Lake Washington and reach our woods, the bells will ring nearly every day, asking the spirits of the trees, Guardians of the Stone Circle, and the devas of our woodland to remember your departed loved one with blessings. Other plantings may be done as well. Azaleas, perennials, wildflowers, etc. may be established either within the woodlands, beneath the shade of the 100' Maples and Firs or in the gardens where they will receive solar joy. The cremated remains of loved ones may be placed in the woodland. Following the Celtic customs, the container of ashes will be interred at the foot of a tree with the appropriate ritual & respect. You may send bells in memory of any loved one, no matter their relationship to you or their faith. Send them to: The Hermit's Grove, 9724 132nd Ave. NE, Kirkland, WA 98033 and they will be hung the next New or Full Moon or Sabbat. We also invite RFD readers to call and arrange a visit to our magickal herbe gardens. The Hermit's Grove includes over an acre of gardens, 2 ritual Circle sites, and houses the library and offices of The Rowan Tree Church. Please call 206/828-4124. Appointments are required, please. | | |

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FAERIES ON THE WEB Marvelous Troll Persimmon a/k/a David Kerlick is starting up a weblet of the World Wide Web devoted to the Radical Faeries and their culture, such as it may be, and is soliciting contributions. There are already a couple of numbers of "thyber th'ththie" there. One idea is to have an E-mail/URL directory. Another is a "calendar of the saints" memorializing our off-the-planet brothers. The URL is: http://www.esk imo.com>^ da vidk/f aenes.html If you have text, hypertext (.html), imagery (.gif or .jpeg) or video (.mpeg), or polemics (.flame) send your contributions via electronic mail (only) to: davidk@eskimo.com . If you have weblets of your own (it's fun! it's easy!), send the URL to the same address and I will weave you in. Sorry, MTP can't deal with anything that's not digital. As one of my detractors said, unfairly, "Oh her! Her mind is all zeroes and ones!" Persimmon's home telephone in Seattle WA is 206/720-0895

GAY, LESBIAN, & BISEXUAL COLLEGE STUDENTS Seeking submissions from current college students or recent graduates for a new collection of coming out stories entitled COMING OUT ON CAMPUS We are looking for well written, detailed, engaging, insightful stories that describe your experiences as a student in college Submissions may be written in any form Will assist new writers. How do you identify your sexual orientation? What were the major influences in your coming out process (people/books/events)? How, where, & why did you come out to family, friends, or strangers? How does your gender, racial-ethnic identity, religious affiliation, & economic or other backgrounds impact your queer identity? How does the size/location/ climate of your campus impact your coming out process? What organizations/ people were the most/least helpful on campus or in the community? Have substance abuse, suicidal thoughts, HIV, harassment, physical assault or other issues been a part of your coming out experiences? What have been the most positive aspects of your coming out process? How has coming out changed you? Submissions: 1-30 typed double spaced pages. Include name, current, permanent, and E-mail addresses. Anonymity will be respected and maintained upon request. Include one paragraph biography with current academic status and college/ university. Respect the privacy of others. If you don’t have people's permission to use their name/ situation, don't. Use pseudonyms. State if your story has been previously published. Include 2 copies of your story & a copy on a Macintosh compatible 3.5x5” disk if possible & 2 SASE. DEADLINE August 31, 1995. Send to: Annie Stevens/Kim Howard, 3300 Teagarden Circle #403, Silver Spring, MD 20904

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Dear Culture Corner Editors; Having seen your advertisement for the artisans to submit writing for the summery issue, I am nervously, and excitedly, responding with this. I don’t know if it's what you are looking for. I only know that I love t 0 | write. Some portions of your advertisement sound as though they might conceivably be "speaking” to me. First, the words "queer performer" appear. I play guitar, sing, often songwrite and occasionally perform.

Although I’ve never adjusted to the benevolent use of the word "queer", and don't think of myself that way...I think I know what you mean! I dont live in redneckville, but being gay [if I am, for even that is ambiguous with me] | does prove to be a challenge when considering the vulnerabilities of being upon a stage. I am a very | confused dude, in more ways than that! Read on: You next ask if I am a painter. The answer is generally "no", but I have worked some kind of art most of my life. I dont paint, but I draw and occasionally do some graphic work. I used to lots of batik and macram6. | Pottery, leatherwork, and jewelry are all in my past too. Perhaps in the future as well for I’ve not finished my bachelors degree and hope to return to school soon. I have no announcements or interviews, and the "all sorts of fun" may be highly questionable here, [perhaps I am a pathetic bore!] but what I send might be considered "funky information" [whatever that is]. ................Hmmmmm.. ."funky inform ation"?.... And now a question for you: Just what is the "fairy arts community"? Does it have a newsletter? Could it be that I am a "fairy"? I dont know what kind of writing is "appropriate" in answer to your advertisement. Are you hoping for stories about "being on the road with the band" or "the crazy things that happen to artists” or what? I wonder if I should've written about my current lifedilemmas, or about how I suffer just like Van Gogh [preearstration of course], or about how I can't song because I dont know what love is like What should I have written? Anyway, thanks— David Phillips

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VIOLET VIOLENCE BY HATHAWAY INCREASINGLY THERE IS VIOLENCE, BECAUSE VIOLENCE LIKE THE SEX AND DRUGS, AND ROCK AND ROI L IS SO DELICIOUSLY ADDICTIVE. W E FAVOR VIOLENCE THEATRICALLY BECAUSE POWER TRIPS AND VICTIMIZATION ENTERTAIN US ITOP? BOTTOM'l IT NEVER W AS YOU RY PATRICK SEIMER AND LAWRENCE STEGER IS THE STORY OF A TOP COP. CLOVIS MOTE PLAYS THE BAD DUDE WITH THE W RONG ATTITUDE SO CONVINCINGLY THAT WE ALMOST SHED A TEAR FOR WHAT NEVER WAS. TOP COP THINKS HE’S SMARTER THAN ALL WE FAGS, HE’S GOT US SNORTING AT THE TROUGH FOR SOME DADDY DONG. BUT THAT S IR E NEVER WAS BECAUSE BY THE TIME THE BOYS "GO DOWN" ON TOP COP THE TABLES HAVE TURNED. DIDN'T ANYONE EVER T ELL HIM THAT HE OR ANY OF HIS KIND ARE SCRATCHING POSTS FOR WE QUEERS? BECAUSE WHEN IT COMES RIGHT DOWN TO IT, IF THEY HAVE TO CARRY GUNS THEY’RE MORE AFRAID THAN W E ARE. BUT THE POWER OF THE CELEBRATION OF OUR QUEERNESS IS HIGHER AND STRONGER THAN SOME SILLY GUN! IT’S LIKE LIZA AND JUDY, LIZA BEING THE GUN AND JUDY BEING THE POWER. LIZA CAN CERTAINLY BLOW YOU AWAY, BUT JUDY IS STILL HIGHER AND STRONGER! THROUGHOUT |J NEVER W AS YOU JUDY SIMPLY GIVES. HER VOICE ACCOMPANYING THE LIGHT AS IT FLICKERS THROUGH THE CELLULOID. I’M SO GLAD THE CO-DIRECTORS CHOSE JUDY AS THE SOUNDTRACK FOR THIS BITTERSWEET VIDEO, IT NEVER WOULD HAVE WORKED WITH ANY OF LIZA'S SONGS! THIS LITTLE FLICK GETS FOUR STARS AND A THUMB UP!! FOR MORE INFORMATION OR TO PURCHASE A COPY PLEASE WRITE: SEIMER/STEGER PRODUCTIONS 1547 W. CHESTNUT CHICAGO, IL. 60622 3 1 2 -4 5 5 -8 6 7 5

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8W S by Spirit When I moved into my present home on the outskirts of a quiet Northern California town, I quickly realized that I yearned for a garden. But what kind of garden would this be? Nothing confining like the French knot gardens. Not an English garden filled with exotica just for the sake of exoticness. Not a cottage garden or a rose garden. 1 wanted a Faerie Garden! A garden where magick would occur and where my friends and 1 could celebrate our fairy sensibilities. A garden of flowers, full of flowers! What follows is a descriptive listing of the plants that I’ve used to make the Faerie Garden a reality. The plants and flowers in this list allevoke our fairy spirit, angelic and/or magick nature. All have, of coarse, Faerie .Sensibilities! First, a rose. Not just any rose, but The Fairy. This rose was the beginning and the inspiration of the Faerie Garden. It’s a dense, cushion forming rose with a height and spread of about 2 ft. Its small (1"), pink clustering flowers bloom on and off from summer into late autumn. The Blue Fairy Pimpernel (anagalis monelli) good at the base of a flight of stone steps, or along a walk; this ground cover is also good in hanging baskets. Plant in full sun. B 1ue A n gel (anchusa carpensis) is a showy compact plant with masses of tiny, ultra marine flowers. Cupid's Bower (acimenes) flowers profusely all season. Tissue paper-like flowers hover over glossy notched leaves on a 6—9" plant. Though not directly related to fairies, L o v e L ie s Bleeding (ameranthus) is dramatic and what fairy does not enjoy drama? It's a tall plant to 3* with long,

trailing beaded ropes of burgundy flowers that have the texture of heavy chenille! Fairyland Columbines (aquilegia hybrida) are magickal compact plants that bloom profusely. They can be tucked into any naked spot in the garden. Asclepia "Gay Butterflies", aren't we all?! ( asclepia g.b. mix), will bloom their little heads off for 12- 16 weeks! Real butterflies are attracted to them as well adding even more enjoyment to your garden. Who could resist Fairy F o u n t a i n s ? Certainly not I. (Celosica plumosa, dwarf fairy fountains) The fuzzy, cartoon-like spires (6-7") are very long lasting and are available in many colors from yellow to maroon, sorry no blue. One of my favorites is Cleome (spider flower) "Fairy K i n g " . These six footers bloom from mid summer to frost. They seed freely so you'll always have some to give to friends. They're a rich pink, what else? For those who have a shady nook (I know you do...), Angel s ' T r u mp e t (datura) is supremely dramatic and slightly sinister. Its dark foliage enhances the beautiful 8-12" trumpet flowers that open at the fall of dusk, sweetly scenting the entire garden. So few flowers are named after men, let alone gentle men that I had to include S w e e t W i l l i a m (dianthus ssp.) its flat little disks of color and, well, sweet fragrance are a must. Guaphalium "Fairy G old" is an everlasting flower with silver/gray foliage. "Star D u s t " (leptosiphon hybrida) is indeed a star-shaped flower. Its 1" flowers bloom in glowing colors from yellow to crimson. It's good for window boxes or as edging along paving — anywhere you're sure to get a good close look at it. Gavfeather otherwise known as liatris, grows lavender spikes of bloom above a shock of strap-like leaves. Fairy Lights (linaria moroccana) little snapdragon-like flowers grow on tall stems above its blue-green foliage. It reblooms quickly when spent flowers are removed. It will make more! You'll be the merrier! You can figure out for yourself why I've included Brave Heart (malva zebrina). The name alone merits is place in every Faerie garden, but the beautiful rosy striped flowers of this tall growing perennial are wonderful! "Fairy Changeling" (rosa harnumerous) is a polyantha type rose, and as the

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name implies it has a height of 18" and a spread of 20" It has double pink flowers and abundant glossyfoliage. The next selection come to me by way of seed from a friend, a very lavender friend. "Lavender B o v " 4 o'clocks (mirabilis jalapa) Though I have never seen them listed in seed catalogs, my friend assures me that they are available. The flowers do open at around 4 p.m. They're highly fragrant, too. I have to encourage you to grow Lo v e in n Mi s t (nigella damascena). It doesn't have any "fairy" name that I know of — but just try and tell me they're not fairy flowers once you've seen them! "White Ma g i c k" is one of the very best white pansies — though many pansies are included in the garden for obvious reasons! P a s s i o n F l o w e r ! This could be a whole chapter!! The vine in the Fairy Garden is Passiflora incarnata. It's got to have shelter (like a roof overhang) and strong, indirect sunlight. I bring mine in for the winter, setting its tub in a bright south

facing window. Come last frost it’s back to the garden. "Lavender Wi ngs " is not our official airlines, but rather a wonderfully spicy-scented sweetpea (for a super display, plant in well dug soil in early September -you won’t see much growth through the winter, but come spring, look out!). Gaictv (tripteris compositac) is a daisy-like flower with black centers surrounded in profuse orange petals; the stems and foliage are warmly fragrant. You can have love around all summer long with A mou r (verbina hybrida), a light pink pastel on a basal branching neatly formed plant. " F a i r y Ki n g " W a l l f l o w e r (cheiranthus chciri) has fragrant scarlet flowers on a rounded bush 15-18" high. I hope that this description of some of the flowering plants in my garden will inspire you to add them to yours, or even better, to begin a Faerie Garden of your own. As with all things faerie — the more the merrier!

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Featured Plant:

Wild Trumpet Vine, Trumpet Creeper (Campsis radicans)

The prominent bright orange blossoms of Trumpet Creeper are a common sight during late summer. This woody-stemmed vine is abundant in the southeastern U.S. along roadsides and climbing fencerows, trees, poles or signs in open areas and along stream banks. It may vine to a considerable height in large trees. The floriferous vines with their brilliant orange flower color are attractive to more than horticulturists. Hummingbirds are frequently seen visiting the trumpet-shaped blossoms. Large sickle-shaped seed pods are set by the vines in late summer, and may be observed persisting on the bare vines through most of the winter season. Flat, papery seeds will be released a few at a time as winter winds shake the pods. Many people in this region believe this vine to be poison in a similar way to Poison Ivy. Certain individuals claim to be allergic to the roots or sap of Trumpet Creeper. This does not seem to be a widespread problem, however, or borne out as a proven cause in most instances. Some references indicate this vine has narcotic properties, but little information is known, or exists in print, on the chemical or medical properties of the American genus. Trumpet Creeper is useful as an ornamental. It may be effectively employed as a trellis or arbor vine. The compound leaves of five to nine leaflets (which

make it easy to distinguish in the wild) form a loose foliage which allows plenty of light penetration. The stems are quite hardy and rugged and make rapid growth, if anything, the problem is growth that is too aggressive! Darker red and pale yellow forms have also been discovered and are used by horticulturists. (Another species from China, with larger (lowers and less aggressive growth, is also sometimes used.) Because of very deep roots, transplanting may be difficult. Vine stems trailing along the ground which have begun to root shallowly may be successfully transplanted. Transplanting only during the dormant winter season is recommended. Smaller container grown plants obtained from a nursery are the most reliable bet for quick and successful establishment. "Happy gardening!"

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So you want to be primitive. Stop reading this magazine and go out and bury your face in the sobbing earth. Forget your alphabet, throw your arms up to the glittering heavens and scream. Trace your bones with infantile fingers, beseech the mystery , stop eating, sink into the dream mandala. Pick the food you eat o ff o f trees yourself, o ff the leafing plants themselves, grab a fish w ith your bare hands out o f icy water and eat it raw. Breathe. Stand speechless before the nuclear power plant, before the raving politicians while you grope your genitals. Defy nothing, defy the nothingness o f the robotic modem culture o f obedience. Explore everything, live in perpetual wonder, crawl, dash.

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What is primitive? A technique? An aesthetic? A longing? What are its contours, its undulations? Is it a static eternal place free o f directed movement into that which is not primitive? What is not primitive? Is it primitive or not primitive to build nuclear weapons? Is primitive associated with ethical goodness? Maybe primitive is our feeling mode. Fear, ecstasy, boredom, exhaustion, rage. W e create many things to deal with our fears: taboos, gods, altars, totems, hierarchies, rituals to keep away the evil, the evil spirits, the terrors o f the unknown. Is it not primitive to build nuclear missiles fearing annihilation ourselves?

. «am iu K.now' what is primitive and what is not primitive. And when people say "modem" primitive do they mean "contemporary" or truly "modern"? Modernism seems to me an acute awareness o f irony, o f the figurative, o f human insignificance in the scheme o f things. But primitive is childlike, it is a deep connection and identification with the godhead, is being literal and immediate as opposed to detached. 1 think maybe that in exploring primitive we are trying to remember something which the collective conscious has forgotten and yet which we feel nevertheless to be in our bones. We wish very much to be in and o f our bodies, to be. that is. an outgrowth o f the earth and the sky. In these times we are reduced to mere integers in a mechanistic calculus, carry ing out minutiae o f schemings beyond our co n tro l. Fuck them and their corporate visions and necrophilia. W e are hungry for our bodies and our wisdoms, we are hungry for silence and organic rh ythms and holy expression, and we are eating now beside the ancient and eternal and forever stream. . Evervthing we make and do is primitive b^ au^h^ er^ r] ^ se o faS changes n1V tc IgCb in III 3 Z1^ fo IV.r usbey? v. ____ J ____d our learnings and our complexities and our finesse we shall always w our afid most renewingly colored by our naive child nature. W e dont best ; part o f ourselves behind as we move into the want to leave any universe In 1984 and 1985 w hen I was fishing around in my mind for words to describe myself and my philosophy/sensuality/aesthetic, I wrote in my journal that I saw myself as a neo-primitive, and thought I was unique in resuscitating that word. My vision o f myself and my world was (and is) decidedly at odds with the culture o f artifice and clutter and worship o f technology and material complexity. I felt an overwhelming tedium with that world. I related the word Primitive w'ith the words Primary and Primate, and saw this: I want to strip my life o f all extraneous clutter in both my mind and my material life, live only at the most elemental level, ignoring the gung-ho cultural worship o f things like televisions and computers and airs and careers. I want to live like pnmates, sitting and eating the tender things growing around me while being in close physical contact with others, to play. It was part o f the mentality and sensuality which led me to Taoism, Buddhism, quiet anarchism, haiku, pacifism, naturalism, touch. Like all words, Pnmiwe has taken on a don’t want connotations, many ot which do not s e ^ the whole culture to be classifiable anyway. Once yi svmbols o f who and what of marketing begins ^ One long-distance telephone you are and turns them into absur Jitf e • . £ begun advertising service company which styles itself as very J ‘P n^ f wanl ( 0 an itself with the image ot a woman 'v e a n ^ ^ nouf ls 1 actuauy think i K a S ’e S

to w o r d i n e s s altogether. Truth certainly does no.

exist in advertising. All I keep coming back to is this: listen, listen, create silent naked simple beauty. Surrender to the elemental-Tend to the life of our souls. Listen with the hands and the eves and the whole of the body.

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Nec -Practices Donald L. Kngstrom

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By the late of 1970 s, I and other university trained artists (such as Besty Damon. Mary Beth Edelson, Anna Mendieta. Robert Smithson, etc.), had gone too far (according to some), in the investigation of earth art, exploring the mots o f human esthetics and finding a pagan' art power able to transform the lives of ourselves and our communities. We encouraged ritual performance. We built alters in art spaces. We encouraged other folks to build alters in whatever spaces that needed or called for one. We encouraged each other to look at installations of all kinds, as patterns of objects, sounds and motions all weaving together creating a sacred experience. We dabbled in witchcraft and other old majics. We were wild things, who were given the label of 'Neo-Primitives’. Some critics did use this term to mean, "Not derived from something else;primal or basic"* But most used NeoPrimitive to describe us as "...being little evolved from an earlier ancestral type... cru d ity -u n so p h isticated ...T h at we were taking our own art (spirit) visions seriously, making art that celebrated the earth and all life as sacred(even women's bodies, for goodness sake!), was just a little too wildly sentimental and threatening for most of them. Only untrained folk artists were allowed to explore such embarrassing subjects as spirit, sacredness, and devotion to mystery (and that should preferably be in a Christian context). Women's lives and queer experience (let alone those of living goddesses), as subjects of art exploration were just too maudlin, self referential and down right unimportant for great an to address. We were also shamelessly backward in insisting that all art had spiritual content, seen or unseen. And that some of us were reclaiming our lost roes as priestesses of ancient powerful Goddesses and Gods, was even more problematic. But we. the wild artists, just wondered what the brouhaha was all about, weren't we doing our jobs? Weren't artists supposed to shake up and sift out, looking for not only our authentic voices and visions, but also for those o f our communities. Weren't we supposed to sift out and compost the trash? Besides, we were having too much fun to stop. That in itself was considered unpatfessional. O well. Now. almost twenty years later, what has that earlier Neo-Primitive work led to? Some pretty damn awful stuff, to some amazing things that not only remember voices of old, but are creating new voices for post-industrial choirs singing of the return of sacredness and hope. The worst of the worst, is a spiritless rip off of outsider art, the colonization of the other merely took another mute and continued, the New Age ( a perfect example) has shown us what a sentimentalized synthetic vision of the Earth Mother (primarily a white interpretation of indigenous people's visions) can be, (is it real or imitation? Have these stones been ripped out of a mountain? Was this sacred object stolen or sold? It’s not important, it's all sacred, it's all the same to Mother Nature, don’t look at the dark side, only walk in the white light). Even in my own small town, there is a new age shop filed with mass produced spirituality. They have lovely stones from around the world filling hand-made baskets, (just how were these stones obtained? And who made the baskets?) If you look closely, you will not find one stone native to the lands round about out town. And don't kid yourself, some contemporary Pagans, Faeries, and Witches indulge in this same version of the primitive as commodity. It is important to remember that there is more than one stream that found it’s source in the renewal of the spirit arts of the 70’s and early 80’s. There are works o f Neo-Primitive art (let alone Paleo-Primitive 3rt) in this same town, that if listened to and closely looked at, threaten the very existence of the american consumer's way o f life. To actually follow what we once called Neo-Primitive art is almost impossible. Much work is emerging way outside of an art talk concept. Many of the folks now involved with this revival of basic art do not even recognize themselves as artists. Gatherings of all kinds now practice the art of ritual performance, both scripted and improv. It is not that unusual to come across a tiny little alter newly built in a crotch o f a tree branch or hidden just under a bank of ferns while visiting at traditional and other sacred sites. I have even found little stone circles on the river beach of a public park not far from my house. There is still an ongoing rebirth of primal art. Many current artists {such as Rae Astria-Soncea, Gurlene Hussey (Douglas Stapleton), Mary Disney, Jombi Womp Womp, etc.} and other creative peoples are still finding and clarifying their own original voices of power. These individuals are often part of groups, (families, clans, tribes.) that become primary communities in exploring egalitarian ways of living, with not only other humans, but all other life; mineral, botanical, zoological, etc. It is they who celebrate the esthetics of organic gardening and dancing lightly on the earth. It is they who are weaving the patterns of bioregionalism into a tapestry of breath taking beauty, it is they who are raising home grown drumming circles, and so much more. These folks are explorers remembering and creating their own authentic maps for living the good life. They are beginning to reclaim their own authority. They are finding their clan and tribal commentates from who they have been separated for too long, the spirits of living Neo-Primitives and ancient ancestral primitives are once again dancing the sacred spiral together. And what about Queers you ask? I just can't tell you how pleased and proud I am that the Radical Faeries, Witch Queens, Flaming Faggots, etc. are such a vital part of this renewal. I thank the Queer Gods every day that we are a part of this Dance of Delight. This magazine (R.F.D.), has long been a voice of and for the Neo-Primitive Faerie. Clans of Queer Priest/esses and other majical Faeries have found homes and each other in these pages. We are the irreplaceable spices that enrich this delicious simmering stew of cultural/spiritual jambalaya. Is it any wonder that the Neo-Conservative communities views us with such fear and alarm? They recognize that Queer folks are remembering our sacred primitive roles, and that when we folly awaken to these primal, original powers, the consumer's world will never quite regain it's glamour, for another bend of the spiral will have been turned. My dear Faerie Primitives, may we all roll in the warm mud’s of a healing planet this summer under a hot sensual sun o f pleasure. May our gardens grow the beautifol primal blossoms of beauty and balance. May we nourish each other with our sac red kisses. Blessed Be.

* 3 M Am coca niieii!ig.e^DicU.oMii'. Qft he Third Edition. Houghton Mifflin Company, Boston, new York. 1992.

The best overview I know ofabout the early new Primitive and other earth center artists, is Lucy Iippard’s Overlay; Conteuiyoiaty. ArtJiJid 1Ite Ail a >iTivlust cuy. Pa ntheon books, New York, 1983

The best art magazine that I know ofthat covers a broad selection of current wild ( neo jinmitive) artists is High pertbrmance, 1641 1 8th St Santa Monica CA 90404. $232 a year'.

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a HomoHex! V JH E E •

HOMO by Keith Hennessy

HomoHex is a public queer naked sex ritual - held twice annually, on Samhain/Halloween (October 31st), and Pink Saturday - the eve of Queer Pride, Anniversary of the Stonewall Rebellion, hosted by Jack Davis and Keith Hennessy with percussionist Jules Beckman.

Dyke sex! Fag sex! W e ’re here to throw a HomoHex! Jack:

tylHEE •

The drag queen slowly strips out of her evening gown in the middle of the Halloween crowd. Off come the falsies, the heels, the pantyhose. She knows now what she has always known that dancing in the street with other naked queers on All Hallows Eve is just as transgressive and just as sacred as looking like Ginger from Gilligan’s Island.

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Jack

Halloween has always been my favorite holiday. When I was a kid, long before I knew that this was the time of year to dance with the ancestors, long before I knew what 'sexual orientation' meant, I knew that Halloween was a holy day, the day when I could be the queerest. As a grown up fag, Halloween holds most of the power it did for me as a child, but It has also taken on a new significance. Keith Halloween is my favorite day of the year because I'm a ritual junkie, a pagan, an artist and a fag. I try not to travel or take out-of-town performance gigs during Halloween because no one celebrates it like we do in San Francisco. HomoHex is rooted in several communities. We are body-based and polydisciplined life artists. The people who participate in HomoHex come primarily from the urban cliques of radical faeries, performance/dance artists, anarchopagans, and queer sex activists. We act and write and pray from our specific bodies, and from the communal body. We participate in movements for sexual liberation that embrace queer & feminist leadership, pagan rituals, consensual explorations of power, and dance-based trainings in intentional touch. Because I am a dancer, all action that I take is dance. Jack comes to this work as a visual artist, a witch and a radical faerie. We approach each of these events as an exercise in art, in political art, in activist image making, in ritualized activism, in image-based spectacle, in spectacular ritual. We weave a spell with dance and drums. We are protesting and praying and performing, simultaneously, as we have always done. I came out after HIV, after disco, after the Mineshaft and Sutro Baths. I came out during the closing of the bath houses, during the sex fear/shame reactions to AIDS, during the mainstreaming of gay liberation. I did not come out as Gay. I mean I wanted to be gay, I wanted to have sex with men, but I preferred the politics and aesthetics and touch of bisexuals, leather folk, sex workers, and activists.

Jack Davis and Keith Hennessey at the Homo Hex on Halloween in San Francisco. "We are queer witches and this is how we pray." HomoHex is a gift to the extended queer family and it is a challenge to all those who do not want homo sexuality flaunted in the gay communities which claim the Castro as their (our) turf; acknowledging the complexities of identity, property, and shifting urban landscapes. HomoHex is a chaotic mandala of public nudity and sexual touch and tribal hoe-down. This kinetic mandala intends to alter collective consciousness by suggesting a radical reorganization of social contracts, laws, and perceptions about communal celebrations. HomoHex flaunts the queer body in public. HomoHex is a party.

Jack

On the night of October 31 there is always a street party in the Castro attended by thousands of people. The Castro is one San Francisco's queerest neighborhoods: the community from which Harvey Milk emerged; an international symbol of gay pride ana power. Several years ago I was standing in a shoulder to shoulder Halloween crowd in the Castro. Most of us were looking up at a balcony waiting for someone to put on a show. One of the many hundreds of drag queens was squeezing her way through the crowd. This straight boy with raging hormones became terrified when he saw the queen coming toward him. He screamed, "Don't touch me, don't come near me!" over and over, sounding just like the sexist cliche of a housewife lifting her skirt and jumping on a chair because she has seen a mouse. Later that same night I was watching three shirtless fags dancing in a store window. Straight people around me (and there are a lot of them) were shocked, visibly repulsed because the gay boys in the window were doing a three way kiss. People had come to see the queers in a fucking queer neighborhood on a fucking queer holiday but they didn't want them to get too close and they sure didn’t want to see fags kissing.

HEX m m m

m m m

■ ■ ■ ■

■

A Public Queer Sex ritual

and Jack Davis

K eith The Celtic name for Halloween is Samhain (pronounced Sah'-wen) - a time to acknowledge those who have passed and to celebrate the pagan new year. It’s one of the gay High Holy Days. There are ancient connections between queer people and artists and a witchy or shamanic past. The HIV pandemic (among other factors) has instigated a more developed consciousness in relation to death. I see more and more queers participating in Samhain because it is a time to remember our loved ones, our friends and family who have died and to gain strength from these same ancestors.

Jack

My friends tell me that they don't want to go to the Castro on Halloween. They say there are too many straight people, drunk straight boys, gawkers. They say it no longer feels safe. But this is our holiday; this is our neighborhood. Instead of staying away, what if we celebrate our queer sexuality in the street? What if we do sex ritual to claim our space, to bless our neighborhood and to reclaim our holy day? If outsiders come to the Castro on Halloween to see spectacle, then let's give it to them. And if people don't like watching fags kiss-or dykes making out or queer boys touching each other's cocks or women with strap-ons or naked queers dancing in a pagan sex rite then maybe some of the watchers won't come back next year. Or maybe it will change their lives...or maybe change their sex lives. This is how I remember the birth of HomoHex: I wrote a ritual to be performed in the Castro on Halloween by queers of all genders and types where we take the streets. We would loudly and proudly proclaim what it is that we do sexually. The intention of the ritual was to present the images of various queer sex acts in public. Rather than hiding it, we would proudly display what we do sexually. We would admonish all who were watching and listening that these would be the images that would come to them the next time they were being sexual. This would have the effect of supporting and affirming those observers of the ritual who celebrate queer sexuality and banishing those who don't. I sent the written ritual to Keith. Together he and I have created workshops and rituals for queer men to explore the relationship between sex and spirituality, between heart and dick. Even though we both live in San Francisco, sometimes we communicate by mail. Months later Keith asked what was the one project each of us would like to produce. (He wanted to do sex ritual on the beach, which we eventually did with 20 fags in broad daylight.) It was decided that I most wanted to do sex ritual in the Castro on Halloween. We met with some other artist/politico/sex radical fag types a few weeks before Halloween 1991 to explore the idea. We realized that the ritual would have to be very visual and performative; that we'd never be able to focus on talking and listening amidst a wild street scene. We held onto the intentions of banishing and reclaiming. That is when we made the HomoHex chant and that is when HomoHex was born. We have now done HomoHex in the Castro five times. On Halloween we do it with all genders with the intention of protecting and reclaiming. On the eve of Queer/Gay Day HomoHex is more celebratory and is for queer men.

permission. This is a ritual to create safety, but in reality queers are not yet as safe in public as we want to be. While assembling we remind one another that a few days ago a gay man was shot in this neighborhood because he was holding hands with his lover. This ritual cannot protect us from all risks. There is a grounding. We go over the plan and then drop our roots down to the center. Breathing together, we relax and focus. A circle is cast. Protective and inspirational powers from the directions and elements are invoked. And then we invite the beloved dead. We dedicate this queer sex ritual dance to the ancestors of dykeness and faggotry; those who have struggled for queer, sexual, and gender liberation; those too many friends, lovers and heroes who have died of AIDS. We know that when we are public about our sexuality they are with us. Led by naked drummers., we walk in a procession into the street party. The crowd parts as we chant:

DYKE SEX'.

FAG SEX!

WE’RE HERE TO THROW

nNVAEE'-

We stake out a circle in the middle of a mob of Halloween revelers at the queerest center of our universe, the crossroads of 18th and Castro Streets. HomoHex participants who do not intend to get naked link amis and make a circle to hold our space. Their job is rough and'exdting and they get the best view. A thousand people press toward our circle. They are desperate to see something. They don't know what it is they are looking for. It is a night unlike all other nights and all they know is that this is the place to be. This year there are ten drummers. Jules and Jim lead the pack, sitting at their drum kits complete with kick bass and snares and

Jack and Keith It is Halloween 1994 and at least half of the participants of HomoHex have done it before. The streets in the Castro are closed off with police barricades where drag nuns, The Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence, collect donations for a bunch of AIDS services. About sixty queers meet outside the enclosure and talk about safety. We acknowledge to one another that we do this sex ritual to claim our space as queers. But it is still 1994. We suggest that women might consider staying toward the center of the circle. whole body l?ugg|mj* naked^h 2 “ ,n«humping, y u" ' n9> naked bodies thrown into the air. Those of us who are holding the circle and keeping the crowd back will be grabbed and felt up. People in the crowd will touch us without

HOMO

HEX

cont.

cymbals. The rest of us, about a hundred now, take off as many ciothes as we want. We are naked and half-naked fags and dykes and bisexuals - queers of all descnptions. There is wild drumming, mad dancing with kissing, pelvic humping, whole body hugging, naked bodies thrown into the air. We dance around a simple witch's fire made with rubbing alcohol in an old pot. Keith Jed, a somewhat heterosexual friend and part of the drumming squad, started to play with the fire, making it dance and leap, as dancers squealed around him. Deer, wearing only boots and a half vest that didn’t cover her tits, played with the leaping flames, squatting over the flames and jumping away before she got burnt. The next day I saw her at the vibrator store where she works and she said she singed the hair off her butt while dancing at HomoHex. I saw Sandra chastise a guy for grabbing her strap-on. She said, "You can’t grab my dick unless I can grab yours.” He unzipped his pants, pulled it out and they playfully squeezed each other's dicks and smiled. A brief truce.

together. The space that was created continues to protect us but its power to do so is dwindling. Within moments there will be no visible sign that we were here. There are only memories in minds and bodies. The circle is open, and we are nearly stuck in the throng. On the way out some of those who see us are shocked or scared, others cheer our nudity. Just before we reach the barricades we circle up, give thanks, and get dressed. Keith While we were looking through duffel bags for our clothes, a male cop came up and told us to get dressed and to move on. I got scared because recently cops at other queer street fairs had been threatening to make arrests for bare butts and exposed genitals and for exposed nipples on women. Jack, wearing only a pair of calf-high, lace-up, black leather boots, told the cop that it would be easier for us to leave if he helped us find our clothes, and so for fifteen minutes this cop shone his flashlight on our stuff while a circle of naked queers got dressed in front of him. Thanks officer.

for HomoHex news, questions,or comments contact: HomoHex , do 848 Community Space, 848 Divisadero San Francisco, CA 94117-1506.

Jack Some guy was sucking Eric's dick while I played with his tits. Jeff embraced me from behind and grabbed my dick. "How are you feeling, now?,” he asked me as I started to get hard. It was obvious to him exactly how I was feeling. He could tell with his hands. Later I do the same to Jeff; I put my arms around him from behind and play with his dick. With my mouth next to his ear I tell him that I want to stick my dick up his ass. I tell him that he will like it. There are hundreds of people watching us. There are untold numbers of ancestors present. We are worshipping in the old way; naked, doing sex play outdoors, near midnight on Halloween. We are queer witches and this is how we pray. Keith This guy with glasses was licking my balls and sliding his lips up and down my cock. I started to get a boner. He was jerking off fast and hard. He stood up and I held him as the energy built, his knees weakening. I egged him on, encouraged him to shoot. Hundreds of people saw this guy spurt and collapse into my arms.

This is popular dancing, freestyle and erotic. Most watchers love it. Once they see us they don't leave. A woman, naked except for a strap-on, stands on Keith's shoulders for all the world to see and then falls back to be caught in a whoosh of trust. This is part mosh pit, part disco, part temple, part sex club, part contact improv jam. Many of us hold the intention of creating sacred space with every gesture and every breath. Thousands see us each year dancing naked, dancing erotically in public. After an hour of ecstatic dancing the drumming stops, the dancers fall to the ground. We sing a tone that washes over us. Our audience is still and silent in the midst of loud, social chaos. We have danced with the ancestors, we have claimed our space. As quickly as possible, we gather our things and parade out. It is difficult to stick Jack and Keith

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world tear: If I were to believe the jeolous gods speaking through the wounds of his hungrev ghosts, I would he worshipping the unblinking eye that deranged me; Survivor of malevolent target broadcasting, that tells me I'm a monstere. No, worse than that: —consumer of the world— I eat the scabs covering my heart with kisses of lesions, I consume myself daily, so when l die, there will be nothing left to loss, except the self-filling prophesy of a sun-king gone super-nova, or a maggot that turns into a swan—only to eat itself feather by feather till the last eye dangling from its hanging cord focuses on a tiny tear where all the world is reflected and exposed...in a mirrored ball on a suburban lawn, where teen mothers pilgrim to abort fetal Liberty Statuary, this is how I feed, this is how I consume myself...Injected with hubbies and scream, no— laugh and implode. My cataracts act as sunglasses when viewing my soul's Chernohle, I need your nihilism to nourish the beauty I use as a weapon to rape the child within. Then I can evict the squatte I time-share with the hand that scrawls these lies. My talons are gloved by goofy gallon glasses, my rancid heart, smiling like cotton candy, is a fist covered in shit ascending in yonder mushroom cloud: No dollar signs, No swastika, No crucifix super imposed, only a plastic lotus in a pool of petrol, a dead satellite passing overhead. I press the clicker to the interactive-socio-pathic friend's network and there is my Ma and I*a and Jr . and Spot hanging from a giant sunflower with the faces of the men I have slept with. Tiny films projected over their grinning faces: Infra-red pornographic carnivores, execution style tantric masseurs, cartoon abortions, cartoon Holocausts, Super Stars liquidated in Viet-cong stylized down-on-your-knees gun-to-the-head sound-hyte — Hershal-like cartoon bodies of political giants litter the operating theater like a jonestown scene I manneristically remove my black rubber gloves, reciting Jeffers, the biopsy was a failuar, the cameras got bile on the lense, I expect an Oscar for this. If not the chair.

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March 1993

Tell me what to say now—

Help me to utter some condolence to the vapor, T o the void which renders me speechless to describe The artless flight o f birds the shape o f horses, Or the passing clouds Who's shadows silence the jackhammer galloping hoofs; And the wailing grief-choked throats (beyond words, beyond speech) Crack with the laconic aridness o f dust. The fleetingness o f whirlwinds which make one dizzy just to watch; Here, a center, then it's gone, tenuous as a web, Transfixed like water: The cherry blossoms fall. The rose petals fall, And the last grain o f sand falls in the hourglass... As a star falls And a tear forms in our ineffable confusion o f love. And all the spiders wept, And Cassandra wept, And Scary face wept, too: As the streets burn, And the churches bum And the ashes scatter in the ardent flapping o f a dark marc's purple wings. Phoenix-horse rising and her horseman: flame on The burning lotus o f your spirit: flame on You fierce faggot warrior: flame on

And you answer — Hold on, take care o f each other, love one another.

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?J)0AN WTWPVfFW WITH A m I,ast week leopard talked to Jo Micheal in the Short Mountain Herb (Jarden about... when did you start dressing up? When I was about five. My sisters had all these crinolines and foofy things and I'd make fabulous outfits and huge ballerina dresses. I wanted to be a ballerina and I took ballet classes but I quit when they told me 1 would never get on points

So you did classes and they made you stop? Yes!

Were you dressing up regularly throughout your childhood?

Usually just the weekends, especially when 1 was at my grandmother's house. She had these huge closets o f 1950's party dresses and huge layered Cinderella ball gowns. I had seen it on TV, on The luicille Ball Show they had Jim Bailey as a female impersonator doing Phyllis Diller and on All in the Family they had Beverly Sills, who was this bigger than life drag queen. The thought that you could have a career dressing up —you could make money allowed me to let myself do it. And because I had been involved with theatre 1 was looking at the theatrical aspect and that made it all right, it was just costume. I played around with dressing up and making costumes with what was around the house, being silly and having fun.

What did you feel when you saw your first drag shows ? I was in my mid teens and I saw the power that the drag queens had. They were creating this incredible spectacle. It changed my reality because here were these men who looked like divas. It was incredible magic; I was watching just these absolute goddess figures dancing in faint o f me and it excited my spirit. They were entertaining people and making people laugh as well as educating the people about what was going on in the community.

How were they educating people ? By being newscasters, saying what was going on in the gay community of Fort smith or Little Rock. On the microphone they would be making announcements about what was going on in local politics. The gay community was small and there were no local newspapers until much later in the 80s.

So when did you do your first public drag show? I was 17. It was in Fort Smith, and it’s the last place I did a show so I've been full circle! I looked like hell, but thought I was a goddess. It was a benefit show and then I hooked up with some others who had been around for some time and we kinda had a small troop performing together.

What were you doing on stage at that time? Lip-synching was it until I went to San Francisco and when I came back I really discovered live entertainment and started doing stand-up comedy and I worked puppets too. I'd do big variety shows of lip synching, live stuff and puppet monologues.

When did you go to San Francisco ? It was in 88, when I was 21 and I was there for 2 years doing drag mainly while go-go dancing, and on regular appearances on 'Electric City', a local access TV show, where I did all these different drag characters. There I changed my realization of what I could do in drag; before 1 was just trying to look like some star, but then I started creating my own persona and working with that.

What did you get into? I got into the dominatrix role because everyone was into leather at the time and I didn't fit in to the Top/bottom stereotypes.. Even when I was doing the dominatrix schtick I was like basically being "top-esque". It was parodying what they K&ises t h £ F'R65 were doing and they hated me because they thought I was making fun of them — and although I was I was also trying to reflect something back to them. All those leather men hated drag queens with a passion and I wanted to show that's ridiculous because if you take away all the foo foo and all the clothes we’re all naked.

Nowadays there seems to be more of an acknowledgment that leather is just another form of drag, but you didn't see that so much then? No, they took it seriously. Much too seriously! In SF did you get involved in the Sisters?

Yeah. I never did the whole process o f staying with them for a year and being a novice, but I did hook up with them. When I moved back to Arkansas I wanted the Sisterly presence there so I asked permission and they said I could do it and be a missionary sister.

So what did you see as being your role as a Sister —especially living in rural Arkansas? To create a stark presence. I was mainly working with the Arkansas AIDS brigade, throwing parties to get information out and to raise money which we'd use to print flyers which we would pass out at High Schools and in clubs. I mainly was like a mascot, something to get a lot of attention. At the time 1 was about 400 pounds, so a 400 pound man dressed as a nun would get attention!

What was the reaction ? A lot of people loved it because it was so far 'out there’ — but I was never being threatening, I was delighting.

A nun seems like an image people can feel safe with, do you think that helps? For a lot of people working in the AIDS community the Catholic Church is a big nemesis so it was a stab at the Catholic church. Some people were offended, but for the most part I wasn't doing alot of Jesus schtick, it had nothing to do with Christianity, though I was taking on what I saw as holy work. Anyhow the persona of a nun is a classic drag persona because it is so funny — the funniest things in the world are nuns and rubber chickens!

Were you raised a Catholic? No, a Methodist, though when I was 14 my grandmother wanted me to go to Catholic church so I’d go — and talk about mixing metaphors, it was insane! They were both dishing each other so bad it didn't make any sense. So I just became a pagan.

Images this page by John Clears

A lot of the nuns I've met seem to be working through their Catholicism, reclaiming something that caused them a lot of grief in their lives, but that's not the case for you? No. 1 found out about the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence from People magazine when I was 15. Their presence and drag persona looked so fun I wanted to be one of them!

When did you begin to identify yourself as a Pagan? I was about 14. I always felt it was what I wanted my religion to be. I was drawn to the mystical stuff, the witchcraft aspect, casting spells and that kind o f thing, and luckily I met this wonderful priestess. She had been a stripper and a performer when she was younger and she taught me a lot about the spiritual aspect of witchcraft, about earth mother and father sky.

How has Paganism progressed through your life? A lot thaiugh doing shows. When I put on my make-up I channel the goddess. If I do dark numbers I'm channeling the crone, if I'm doing light hearted numbers I channel the maiden or the mother aspect. When I was performing in the clubs I was creating sacred space, trying to give the queer people in the local community a sense of spirituality.

Were you up front about that or was it your personal thing ? It was mostly just my personal thing, if I talked about it on the microphone most people looked at me like they didn't know what the fuck I was talking about...and they didn't! Though everyone knew me as the flaky witch queen so that was really part of my schtick. Being this Goddess would give me the power to take classic archetypes such as small petite women and blow them up and make them fierce. And it helped being 400 pounds!

When did you start getting insxAved with the faeries? In 88 via the Mid-west Men's Festival (MWMF), I’d been going to Pagan gatherings up to that point doing things that fairies do; I'd do a lot of dressing-up in glittering costumes, sparkling veils and scarves, skirts and that kind of stu ff— be outrageous and make a complete spectacle of myself — pushing the buttons of the straight pagans. When I met the Faeries at the MWMF I found where my niche was, I found out who I was, what my history was. The people there educated me as to what I was truly doing.

How do you see that? Third gender seems to be the concept that a lot of the faeries seemed to have based themselves on initially, the concept of being people walking between the worlds. The third gender role is talked about in some Native American traditions and that has been used as an inspiration. Whether or not it existed as a role in native cultures, which there is a lot of debate about, the concept of a sacred third gender has evolved in the context of faerie culture. The essence is of the person who walks between the worlds of gender identification and gender signals, playing with gender roles and is reverred as a role in society — that’s something worth trying to create now.

How have you seen this evolve in the time you've been involved? There are more faeries who are willing to explore how changing your appearance in this world, through make-up and costume, or through piercing or tattooing or whatever, not only changes your own reality but also changes reality for other people. They may not know what you are doing but seeing you changing your appearance changes their reality forever. Up until then they may not have seen anything that frightened them so, or made them stop and think, or tantalize them as much as a sudden shift in identity, seeing someone they thought they knew look and behave as they never imagined.

When ever I've done drag, or consciously changed my appearance, I definitly feel like another person is coming out from inside me and people react to me differently. With mask work in theatre, too, you really take on the persona of the mask, and isn’t drag really a full body mask?

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Yes, by putting on wigs and different clothes you can't help but channel something extraordinary! A lot o f faerie drag is exploring new archetypes by taking elements of traditional masculinity and femininity within western culture and just fucking it! Creating something in a way it has never been done before...something that is strikingly beautiful, somewhat disturbing, and deeply spiritual all at the same time. And with laughter! Seeing somethingso delightful that you have to laugh an honest belly laugh — that's magic!

Big Jo Mama: "Russellville needs m e!” You can say things in the context of theatre that would be considered too strange or anti social. It is safe in the context of theatre to question peoples conception of what is right or real. There’s a quote from A Midsummer Nights Dream that goes: "if we shadows have offended think but this and all is mended we have only slumbered here while these visions did appear...” That particular phrase has been very important to me, it says it's all an illusion, everything is an illusion.

With gender fuck and identity switch we also inform each other about the way we see things —we can make fun o f the serious or subvert the acceptable ways o f being and presenting outrselves. We can knock the given role models off their pedestal and call each other on our bullshit.

Is there any one who has inspired you most?

In faerie drag I love to see people who spend a lot of time creating this beautiful make-up and getting together a beautiful ensemble and then having combat boots on because usually gathering places become these muddy fields. It's like we're fabulous from the ankles up! Also you don't have to shave off your beard for Faerie drag, —in

Ethel Eichelberger who died several years ago...he was really talented, a brilliant writer who would create the roles of women in history such as Elizabeth I, Nephirtitti or Cleopatra. He'd do one women shows with blowtorch make-up, and take people into another world, subverting the ideas we are taught about these people and make the audience believe thiswas the personality of that person - things you never would have thought of as coming out of their mouths! Also Jose Sierra, who did the Widow Norton in SF. He was the first openly gay person to run for office and entertained the troops in the fifties singing arias and creating something beautiful in dark desperate times. He also used to perform in the seedy gay clubs where people would have to check the bathroom windows to see if they were big enough to crawl out o f if there was a police raid. Jose created the power to get 30,000 votes in the election- which was astonishing. Then there was The Cockettes in the late 70 s. They created mythic figures and told stories, inspired by Hindu storytelling theatre, making up stories about the emerging gay consciousness while creating sparkling events. Those people inspired me as to what / wanted to do and how I wanted to work Those and The Ballet Trocadero, and the Sisters of Perpetual Indulgence...it is all such a rich political and satirical world to draw from.

fact some won't do drag without a beard— and then I hear that some drag queens sayfaeries just don't know how to do drag... That's more traditional female impersonators and really they are just as ridiculous as we are. I think they are trying to legitimize something for themselves, but why? They're doing it so it is legitimate! We show the ridiculousness of everything because the faeries and drag queens are the sacred fools.

This wayfaeries say no one has to dress in suits and ties, or jeans and tshirts, and that by doing that kind o f drag —which isn't going to turn any heads— they are defining themselves very narrowly, whereas a drag queen is exploring another part of his self and broadening the definition o f himself. Or defining another possibility all together. A lot of what I see in faerie drag is a holy sacred pageantry and ritual theatre and when you come into a space and you see people who you recognize channeling this other persona as a priestesses or a goddess or their mother or whatever you have to take that imagery in.

So you see drag as something that has inspired the gay movement to develop and explore its identity and inspire it to change?

A lot o f my Pagan spirituality l see as a spirituality of the body. I learned alot of that relationship to my body through community theatre and workshops and in the context of theatre you can question reality and say things you can't say in other more social public settings.

Drag has definately pushed the evolution o f the gay movement in America. We are the town criers. I think drag queens are part of our ethnicity, part of our queer ethnicity. We are the color in queer culture! -

21-

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"prim'i-tive (prim'i-tiv), odj. [F. primiiif, fr. L. primithus, fr. primus First.] 1. Of or pertaining to the beginning or origin, or to the earliest ages or period; original. 2. Primary; radical; not derived. 3. Characterized by a quality or qualities belonging or ascribed to the original state of man, an institution, etc.; as to live in a primitive fashion. 4. Biol. a. Primordial, b. Ancient, archaic, little evolved, persistent; — of species or groups whose structure approximates that of early ancestral types. — Webster's

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We degrade the variety of traditions w e draw from - and our own powers of creation - by claiming to be the true descendants of x. y or z. Associating these aesthetic body modifications with "primitive" is really buying into an image of "primitive" people which has been propagated by National Geographic and its ancestors, the European pseudo-scientific organizations which offered images as documentation of the inferiority of "primitive" peoples and justification for their conquest. Interestingly, the history of body modification among certain African tribes relates to a desire to render the body unsuitable for sale Into slavery.

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a jungian perspective on primitivism By Susan Stoddard Current psychological interpretation of, and speculation around, the terms

People who were "different" need not apply for normalcy in the Carl Jung universe, which is a great irony as his work has been used, as it is here, many times to glorify and celebrate the different Jung, being a product of his time and place was an unabashed racist, sexist, elitist who ended-up singing the praises of Adolph Hitler (until it became a criminal act at which point he had a "psychological revelation' and joined the winning side) Being the poster boy for European imperialism and xenophobia gave him a warped perspective about the cause and effect of such things as the psychological influence on those living as a minority and those suffering social stigmatization Fortunately, Jung was a better scientist than he was social philosopher, and it is in his interpretations of the dreams and associations of his patients that we may find the evidence with which to 'convicf him of his distorted perspective. In the early 1920s, while working with women— many of whom were Jews, Gypsies and other "undesirable" minority group members— he began to encounter reports of the Aryan superman image. An image which, or course. Hitler brought to life a few years later The patie nts who perceived this Aryan archetype as dangerous and evil had their accurate perceptions used against them by Jung He contended this fear was clear evidence of their “neurosis." Only those who embraced with warmth a world ruled by a paternal, over powering, white male figure would be considered "healthy", or "cured," by Jung. Jung accurately described "modern primitivism," and to a certain degree understood it. Yet, he was proceeding from value judgments that were virtually the opposite of those held today, and so judged the consequences of j>^ this experience, both * on individual and (^> societal levels, wrongly. I believe that "modern primitivism", restores an energy

‘primitivism" and ‘modem primitivism" range from humanity's individual and collective salvation to its ultimate annihilation How these views have been arrived at is central to understanding their meaning to the *modern primitive

movement" For the purposes of discussing "primitivism" in terms of the Radical Faene

experience, the psychological definition of “primitivism" coined by Carl Jung fits beautifully Carl defined the "primitive" as: noting and experiencing the u n iq u e God Energy in each individual, object, animal, place and image. He further defined "primitive thoughf as: a state in which the collective unconscious is accessed directly: and where the individual operates instinctively as a part of a whole According to Jung, such experiences encourage "the primitive" to develop a mutually beneficial and harmonious relationship with the forces of nature. Such people, unified and interwoven with the sources of Deity, make the experience of Deity directly accessible to themselves in a real and tangible form. In this way they increase their sense of union with the Great AH. Jung points out that the appeal of this experience exists with such force in the collective unconscious that outbreaks of what he calls "primitive paganism" are bound to occur in the course of human society — when the forces which suppress it, however briefly, relax their vigil. Jung decried the experience of "modern primitivism" in the individual. However, he did admit that the emergence of it in our culture is inevitable. Writing in the 1920s he stated that: this trend “can be seen in our own day, perhaps better than at any other epoch known to history." Later in the same work he states: "such experiences are not merely primitive, they are also symbolic; in fact, the more primordial and aboriginal they are, the more they represent a future truth. Everything old in the conscious hints at something that is to com e." In this statement we have the description of a state of existence which empowers the individual to make the experience of Deity direct and personal, and encourages the religious and cultural practices of humanity to harmonize with Nature. A stale that allows the release of the Self into the stream of the All. All this while throwing the observer/object dichotomy —which Western culture worships and Eastern culture decries— out of the window! For Jung, however, the consequences of this line of thought and action would be catastrophic. Carl does concede that existing in such a state is a prerequisite for experiencing "child-like bliss." And he further concedes that the power and energy available to the individual with such a "modern primitive perspective" is vast For what is greater than a practice which perm its the channeling of the energy of Deity in, and through, the in d ivid u a l? But Carl warns sternly about the "dangers of the primitive" and the "expression of 'negative impulse' (e.g.. sex) with relative freedom". Just what is Carl so afraid of? The answer is ua , Jung viewed the objective of normal growth, development and individuation of the psyche as a process that would produce happy, financially successful, socially in-step breeders who, in turn, would establish nuclear families and raise off-spring who were equally as well behaved, employable, socially-programmed consumers, and breeders, themselves.

absent in modern civilized man. Such experience can help open the door rediscovering the pre-existing pattern of the wholeness of Self. We all carry this pattern inside, and it is our piece of the Great All, and could be considered as "our place" in the scheme of things. The energy harnessed by "modern primitivism", can be experienced in the drumming, dancing and celebrations of the faeries, within their sacred spaces As my favorite faerie sage puts it "We do It like they did thousands of years ago, honey, we just make it up as we go a lo n g ." These few remarks are part of the by product of a number of workshops, seminars and sharing groups In which I have participated dealing with the psychology of spirituality and the meaning of myth from a Junglan/Cambellian perspective I would like to thank all the folks who have and are contributing to this ongoing work through the sharing of their experiences, ideas, dreams and personal myths. If any of the issues I have so lightly grazed in this piece interest you, contact me through RFD and participate in the creation of the Radical Faerie School of psychological perspective.

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F a irie s The mythic fairies lived in woods, that grew in the forest, and took care o f the plants who randomly cause events The fairies were related to the Fates their wheel o f fortune, and luck to occur by spinning seemingly random The myth helps explain the the world. order o f (chaos)

May Day May Day is the day for releasing the fairies, the fates, chaos, fortu n e.. . May Day is also the distress call for ships in danger:

May Day, May Day. It comes from the French, M'aidez, meaning "assist me M'aidez is best know in its Morse code form: Dot dot dot, Dash dash dash, Dot dot dot. Dot dot dot is also known as an ellipsis. Ellipses are used to designate a break in speech or an absence o f words. Curiously, the dash also represents a missing letters or words. In emergencies, language sometimes has to be given up, silence embraced. Silence does not always equal death; it can equal space. May Day is the time to join with the divine, to be wordless, to be whole and undivided. It is a time to go where words stop, and then return to help plants grow in the woods, to help sinking ship, the planet Earth. . . May Day is a time to celebrate and heal, a time to respond to the distress rail frnm thr

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My first real taste o f tattoos was in San Francisco. I got to sniff, lick, explore admire and taste many permanent drawings on beautiful Bay area boys. Practically everyone I worked with, slept with and associated with had at least one tattoo. They were as common as leather jackets. Doc martin boots and shaved heads. 1 began to develop a fetish for ink on skin that continues to intrigue me. I decided then to get a tattoo, but since I was still paying for my boots and leather jacket I chose to w ait Besides, I didnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t want to be seen as trying too hard to hide my naive midwestem farm boy roots. Not long after I had moved to San Francisco 1 spent an evening hanging out with some o f those involved with writing and publishing the Research series o f books. Over the years ReSearch had turned me onto William S. Burroughs and J.G . Ballard and had fed my fascination with bizarre films. It was quite an honor to meet with the people responsible for such an eye-opening series o f publications. Most o f the evening was spent discussing the new book that ReSearch had just sent to the printer. This new book was to be called Modem Primitives, and it was about tattoos, piercing and other forms o f body manipulation. They talked about the history o f body art and the importance o f knowing this history if I was serious about getting a tattoo or piercing. They spoke o f the western tradition o f sailors' tattoos, o f the Japanese Yakuza, initiating the members o f this Mafia with full body tattoos, o f African, Indonesian and Maori cultures using piercing and scarification in rites o f passage, and o f the Native American Sun Dance rite. I realized that tattooing went far beyond a fashion statement: having your mom's name engraved into your biceps or carving some cute saying on your butt It had a deep and rich history that was becoming known to those interested, with origins in shamanic, magical and intiatory ritual. I began to plain my first tattoo. I began to ask myself if there was a symbol or an image that I would want permanently marked into my skin. One that would stand the test o f time.

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I knew I wanted no boyfriend's or band's name ( I mean, which would be worse in fifty years: looking at my weathered skin and having Barry Manilow stare back or to be constantly reminded o f the boyfriend that tried to strangle me to death?) No woodpeckers, Harley Davidson symbols or confederate flags, no Greek letters or the UPC symbol. I also had no intention o f flipping through a book of corporate logos and taking ten minutes to decide some image I had little feeling for to be with me on my body for the rest o f my life. I knew I had to look inside myself for my tattoo. About a year later I had a dream that gave me the idea for my first piece. I dreamt about shedding my skin like a snake. A fresh new body struggling its way out o f an old, used and now ill-fitting skin, ripping away the old stuff so that the new can breathe and grow. Perfect. I saw this dream as self descriptive. One o f the few aspects o f my life that has been constant have been personal changes and transformations. I have been driven to reinvent myself ever since I was a child. By the time I was eighteen I had changed my name three times from Rusty to Russ to Russell. Rusty was the overweight child with glasses, Russ was the precocious teenager coming to terms with his homosexuality in a heterosexual world and Russell has become my adult identification. I often change my appearance. My hair has been in constant transformation as well from long to bald, from brown to blonde to purple, from a crew cut to a mohawk my look is in constant flux. Since my first tattoo would represent yet another significant change in my life, it seemed appropriate that the tattoo itself should embody my drive to constantly redefine myself. It would be my permanent reminder o f a life o f constant change. A human shedding its skin like a snake told an aspect o f my life's story in a powerful and private way and I wanted that to be on my new skin. It was also important for me to find the proper artist to visualize and actualize the fleeting intensity o f that dream. I met him a year later, an old friend in Flagstaff, Arizona. I had known him years before when he was airbrushing onto T-shirts amazing designs inspired by the Native cultures o f this area where he had grown up. Now he was traveling around in a bus with a homemade tattoo gun, drawing into willing flesh. Our connection and his new interest made it clear to me that I should tell him o f my dream, and he set about creating it on paper. Though slightly different from the image I had seen in the worlds o f sleep, we agreed on the design. Tattooing is best when a co-operative venture, bringing together the visions o f both the person wanting the tattoo and the artist manifesting it.

TATTOO AlAfelC Co^H-...

Mohawk boy with colored tops J You look so mean yet so n e lly too] I Come lie w ith me in the park Mohaiku

Instead o f paying him directly for his work. I offered to buy him needle and ink and to help him buy a new tattoo gun. This felt like a better exchange than just giving him cash. 1 wanted this to be a magical experience for him also. He agreed to my offer and we set a date. In my humble attempt to make this a magical nte o f passage I asked all o f my male friends to be present. Since none o f my friends were drummers. I played Mickey Hart’s drumming albums on the stereo. I know. I know it was cheesy, but in our society deprived o f initiation I'd like to believe that I was making a heart-felt attempt at creating my own little nte-of-passage.

It was powerful. It was intense. It hurt like hell. My buddies watched me grimace in pain and laughed at my attempts at composure. It was an experience that will always be with me, and one that I will always cherish. Our culture seems obsessed with avoiding pain and discomfort, but there are some valuable lessons about being human to be learned from suffering. A tattoo gun is like a little sewing machine with a needle or a small group o f needles plunging into the skin and dyeing the cells with ink. The pain from a tattoo can awaken sensations within the body that I consider a magical unique type of high. My tattoo was placed on my chest over my heart, a fairly sensitive area for a tattoo. I was completely sober for the experience, for alcohol and drugs will only numb the magic o f the tattoo and will often make it more painful. I was under the tattoo gun for six hours. When the ritual was finished 1 was exhausted like I had run a really long distance or hiked up a steep mountain. But mixed with my exhaustion was an energy that pulsed through my body, making me feel awake, alive and acutely aware my body and my surroundings. It felt as if part o f my spirit had been sewn into my flesh. After six hours o f being pierced by a needle my soul had been woven with my skin into a powerful symbol above my heart. 1 left the ritual feeling that magic had been performed on my flesh and would be with me forever. The discovery o f the tattoo's deeper significance that I was first introduced to in San Francisco, listening to my dreams and the careful consideration that had followed, made this tattooing something wonderful, even beyond the experience I had envisioned.

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from a banker’s Let s sit in the garden and

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So now the media says that the youth today are being swept up with an emerging ’neo-tribal" subculture. Mainstream newspapers are attempting to explain to bewildered parents why their children are beginning to look like the tribal folk they see at an armchair-safe distance in the National Geographic. You can't watch M TV for more than ten minutes without seeing a tattoo or piercing. The book Mtxiem Primitives has become the top seller for ReSearch and the popularity around body manipulation keeps growing. As their popularity increases, piercing and tattooing run the risk o f becoming yet another tired fashion statement Body Manipulation can enhance beauty, and this aspect seems to be what attracts many people to it. But beyond the beauty lies mystery and magic, and this should be explored and not forgotten.

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I was “flying"... something like flying hut more like “unfettered.” W ell, yes, Free. And yet these imply something in contrast to lim itation. Even friction comes to mind. With flying there is friction, updraft, jet propulsion, pitch, yaw, altitude, angle, forward m o v e m e n t , climbing, plummeting!! So it was not flying. It was... “Being". Being whole and part o f the Whole. It was Godlikeness. Yes. Absolute. And in that place of everything and nothing there appeared a “som ething". An idea. A little light or congregation o f its that I'll call “thought”. A thought! Yes. Consciousness. It was different from an idea and somehow I knew that it was less than a“plan." I knew... something! Whoa!K n o w in g. C o n s c io u s n ess. They took a bite out o f Being; changed it. Huh? C h a n g e? That meant there was an alternative, another point o f view, a choice of experience. C hoice. Experience. Too much. Back up.... There I was, Being. Being... curious where "there" was Being inquisitive about ch o ice-ch an geco n scio u sn ess-LIFE! What?! In-carnation. In-habitation. In-tuition. In hibition. In-decision.... In-tention! Tension. Release.... Cell-growth! Consciousness. Being. Sensation. Being Growth. Being... Doing! What was I doing inthis small space? Growing. And as I grew the space grew too only sm aller, tighter, less acco m m o d atin g ; u n co m fo rtab le even as it fed me and gave me "Life." I knew the space w o u ld not dessert me. I knew the space would hold me safe and nurture me. I knew that it had Nature andso did I and that it and I were one and the space would never let me go and then I went. I went through a narrow passage knowing not where I was bound but that I wasunbound and thrust from my first cho ice.... And then I heard my voice. And felt the cold and saw the light and smelled the sweat andtasted the milk and knew, yes, knew that I was B ein g born and D o in g birth and that my “flying” days were over.

Arms. There were arms around me and breasts in my face. I was never alone unless I was in the dome of the bassinet or behind bars in the crib. I sat in the sink, bound in bubbles or the highchair with its table-trap or strapped into a carseat I was tied up and pinned into diapers which kept me apart from and yet too close t o my warm and slippery fecal friend; my pride, my product. I was fed and cleaned and cared for and only thought o f these as barriers to the bliss (like flying) that I knew when I slept and dreamed. In that sim pler time the dreams were more like Being had been and waking each time, more like the battery o f birth. Already the pattern had begun to prove itself. I would find freedom, security, confidence and they would be, changed to, doubtand fear as Ma Ma and Da Da impressed their loving brand o f thralldom upon me. The final blow to my clear awareness o f Being came one day in the echoey confines o f the bathroom where I had been repeatedly imprisoned fo r weeks and months b y pointed fingers and alternately im passioned a n d tender talk. It was boring and confusing and mostly humiliating to sit on that silly seat with the hole in it and try to know what mommy and daddy wanted from me. Plunk. Plunk. and truddluddluddl and Sw oosh!! They were all over me! K isses, praises, candy and to y s . At last I was one of the "Big Boys." That was all they ever wanted from me: to send my "poopies" away from me so that I could never see them or touch them or taste them or smell them again... ever! They were "Bad" things. I was capable o f making "Bad" things that had to be sent away. They told me that. Can you imagine? They told me that I was powerless, limited, good and bad, su bject to change, free to choose to do and either please them and be praised or fail them and be punished. For a moment the fact that 1 had a choice was confusing but the choice itself was easy and I let go o f Being. Much later, as an adult I would still, sometimes whisper a secret "goodbye!" when I heard the plunk in the water below me.

Without a material aspect or the support o f my parents the concept o f Being was quickly overshadowed by the necessity for action. This was called 'd o in g ' and it came very- naturally to my young and seem ingly immortal body. There was play; avid, invulnerable play when I was alone and not limited by my r e s p o n s ib ilit y to ■play n ic e ' with the other children. Som etim es they helped. Sometimes it was even better when there was someone to play the mommy or the patient or the faithful Indian com panion or they all came together to honor me for being bom with gifts and hats and a birthday cake with candles for me to blow out. But from the time Iwas two I’d cry and not know why when they sang the song.... Mostly I liked it when they filled m v im agi-nation’s need to be the boss. I had a particularly hard time with my parents’ and the other child ren’s parents’ view that e v e r y b o d y got a turn at being boss. But in this doing state those adults were bigger than me and (as with my potty) I made external con cessio n s while always somehow remembering Being and knowing, even as I let Davy Dobzinski "examine" my naughty parts, that I was in control. You see, he thought he was the doctor and that made him boss but he didn’t know that I was laughing inside because hjg_ had to touch my n a u g h t y parts and I got to lay there and secretly enjoy how good that felt! That's when I first really figured out that there were two sets o f rules: my parents, (and the people who bound them with rules that said some parts w ere naughty) and mine. But when Davy Dobzinski was out of the picture and I was able to Be with my favorite playmate I knew that the Truth was that "naughty" was n ic e !

They couldn't keep me any more. They were too sick. They had been there somehow since my first thought and they "Loved” me and they beat each o t h e r and they "Loved" me and they sent me away. Their rules really were different from mine. I flew ... in an airplane. My small person s e lf embraced friction and hurtled far away across the sky. Tiny, hot tears on a "bigboy" face, my teddy bear named Elvis still s tr a n g le d in one small arm as a nice lady stewardess walked me away from daddy across the tarmac. He got smaller as he cried. I got bigger. I like to think that at some place our tears mingled in the wind....

At that point, small as i was, I . learned to trust that Love was just a slipknot and that my set o f ru le s was the iULly. o f rules that I could ever willingly obey even when they were only a memory o f something I could no longer really feel and flew in the face o f all the rules that generations o f others had proven to be truth. T h e i r truth.

The new family container was as different from m y first one as truth is from lies. They were not sick, they worked and went to church and there were several more o f them and they never said "Love". Perfect! Still, t h e y were all bigger than me andright where I ate and pooped and slept I had to "play nice"! I got good at it. I grew. I went to school and learned their rules and t h e i r history and m athem atics, their biography, g eo g rap h y , biology, sociology, "be-m eology". I learned th e ir language and learned to lie with it. I lived among them hundreds of teachers andpreachers and Moms and classm ates and playmates. Sisters, uncles, cousins, i c e cream men, coaches and queers. That's what the kids in fifth g ra d e -M rs.B u tte rb a llJo h n so n 's class ca lle d th em ... called me. That and"fairy," which seemed to be the same thing. I was given to believe that it wasthe s a m e thing as "nigger” and "shut-up" and "retard" and "sh it". O f course my Be-M e self knew some fairies personally. They lived in my closet and under my covers and in the Cascara tree in the backyard and they: were beautiful and helpful.They made dew and straightened spider webs and my sock drawer and made sure that the dandelion seeds landed right in the perfect place for them to grow without my help. Be-M e knew these things to be true so Do-Me called some teachers "queer" and some kids who were poor "slobs" and said "sh it” and "pecker" and som etim es, secretly played with the fairies and with Myra, (the forbidden fat girl who had "germ s") inthe forbidden part o f the schoolyard out o f sight.

In the ten o'clock evening light o f one day o f my thirteenth summer I was alone in the lilac camp in the neighbor’s backyard. The lilac camp had always been a magical place inside a giant old tree with hundreds o f trunks. In the winter there was no snow inside and in the

spring the intoxicating fragrance could actually make you throw up! But in Summer the cam ouflage was com plete and it was cool and apart and very safe because none of the adults in the neighborhood knew about it and every kid or couple or triple o f kids pretended at each visit that it was their special secret. It was my special secret b e c a u s e I'd go there when I was sure all the other kids were elsewhere. There amidst the billions o f h e a r t - s h a p e d leaves I could Be (or what was left o f It) and laugh with invisible friends or play with m yself or, as on this night, cry fearlessly in my stomach for how very lonely and confused I was. Zits, braces and babyfat gave sufficient cause and yet this evening I was wondering why I should be so moved simply because I still had no pubic hair. God, how I hated the boys in PE class whohad muscletone and adam's apples and five o 'clock shadows and pubic hair. How I wanted them, wanted to be inside their skin! I'd opened my pants at first to check for any signs o f hair-growth as if summer had some powerful property to speed up hormonal activity. But the sadness stayed and deepened a little even as I thought o f my cousin Billy in his Marine dress uniform and how he smelled and how the sight o f his bright, white teeth and square jaw thrilled me and how his bone-crushing hugs made me cry to never be untouched from him again! "That must feel real good...." My God! It was Normie!! He was in high school and ran with D anny Mullen, the bully o f our block. He was "no good" I’d heard my uncledad say. He snuck out o f his parents' house all the time at night and drank beer and smoked cigarettes and had even had sex! He'd broken my glasses several times in the past and was way out o f my league. I was a nerd, he was a hood and he had caught me in the lilac camp with my pants down, playing with m y se lf! I heard my auntmom call my name. It was getting d a r k , time to go home. But Normie blocked the entrance to the chamber and smiled even more wickedly, even more beautifully when he heard the call. He said, "Don’t worry. I'll tell her that I was showing you my camping gearin the garage sd you couldn’t hear her .... I want to feel good too." He produceda candle and lit it withhis Zippo. He did have his camping gear with him for some reason. A coil o f rope over his sweaty, muscled neck and one shoulder, bowie knife in a sheath on his lowslung belt.He wore a black sleeveless T-shirt and tight jeans partially unbuttoned... blue-black hair tumbled dow n, across his dirty forehead and carried ones attention t o the partially hidden green mirrors o f c a n d le fla m e that were his eyes. Monstrous, hypnotic scrambled in D o-M e terror. I told him I had to go even as I heard my name called from home again. I asked him what the rope was for. He growled, "nerd hunting" and pulled his knife. He held it at my throat; my little-boy throat that wasn't strong and sharp like his.He tied my arms out like Jesus to the lilac trunks and forced his huge, dark and uncut manhood between my lips. He smelled o f sin and tasted like salvation. He seemed nearly tender, even vulnerable as he moaned, helpless as he cried that he really liked me and had always wanted to "do" me. He grew smaller as he begged and I got bigger and the Truth o f me, the Be-Me barked surrender with a bass and breathy command for him to, "Do me!"

Married to a woman. College degreed. Employed. Offsprung. Deep in debt and tired tired tired.... Com mitted, responsible, unexposed, p assion-less. Taken in by doers and driven to drink as my father had been so that he could just Be. So that he could just BE and not feel or think or promise or share for as long as it took to have a beer after work or a three-martini lunch. So I could just deny death and taxes till I could polish o ff this pint or finish this fifth or sleep o ff this stupor.I mustn’t know that I failed them. For once I just couldn't allow t h e pain, the change, the loss.... Something stirred in the loose paper and coffee grounds above my head. Rat. Green metal walls. a dumpster. Snot and puke and piss in my mouth and my hand... in a puddle around my middle where the filthy mattress sunk deepest. There was a broom handle up my ass (I didn't know how it got there or how I got there, who it was that was there...) and blood and shit... shit. My product. Plunk. “G oodbye!.” Be-M e died.

One can only w orthlessly wonder "w hy?" and "how?" when one contemplates the filling. The cream inside o f Tw inkies, the Sunday funnies in the middle of the paper, the savory stuffing inside the turkey, the shower of prizes that lives inside a pinata or the smallest and sw eetest-faced o f the Russian nesting dolls. Inside the refuse that I'd become there lived a s ta r s e e d . Som ething bright and perfect which all the grief that Life implies could not extinguish. It engaged me in a battle for Life to which only one so subdued as I could respond. It was my filling that made me willing to wonder again and carried me through seizures and delirium trem ens, nightm ares and even greater horrors in the acts of humbly facing the persons of those I'd loved and brutalized. I was very small again and much stronger. I’d failed at casting o ff Life and there were those who'd done the same who needed to steady my hand and fertilize their own freedom by holding me and listening t o me and teaching me to walk again... and to Love. And Love returned with a vengeance and consumed me. I was not only powerless when confined in it's shadow but t h e r e came a day in time when I was glad to find that Love a n d Life were one. That there was C r e a t i o n involved and t h a t , although I had a hand in it as I saw and tasted a n d

touched and smelled andheard it in my own unique way. I was n o tthe cause o f Creation and could not take credit or even adulation. It was the knowledge that there was something greater than m yself and even greater than my soulthat extended my stay in the in stitu tio n o f higher learning called Life. At last, something to belong to and to believe in and be grateful for! He was bright and blonde and warm as s u n s h in e . His eyes betrayed the sky and all his Truth like a beautiful child and so we played together. Two men/children in Love. To taste his sweat or his scones was surrender. He was inside me in every way and forgiveness held sway over every human happening to which we were subjected. We have been one and some o f One and will always be one even as certainly as t h e knowing that there is Eternity and that Love is It's unfailing root to time. 1 will not escape him and can rest my scarred sensibilities in the truth that 1 have never lost him or seen him (even as it seemed) fade out o f sight i n the arms o f another. Even the lack o f his laughter sometimes served to fill the cup o f Love that other souls grappled for. But since 1 first had a thought for him 1 have not thirsted but have been drowned in allo f Love and its shadows. His decline seemed sudden. W e hadn't spent enough time in Life together. Could all o f happiness be so brief? 1 tended his discomforts and 'e m b a rra ss-m e n ts' with such soulful care that I was nearly unaware o f the changes in his eyes, his skin his hair. He began to forget me day to day and the darkness seemed more real when he wasn't there. At those times most o f all 1wanted to be with him and rested only in the knowledge that some o f me was. I thought he'd never die. I thought he’d n e v e r die! And when the time came I touched him like I may never again and he looked into my eyes and smiled inside me and said, “For once in your Life finish something. I... Love..." and after over fifty years o f two lifetimes shared he went to sleep like a child in my arms and we never took the chance to talk about the true gift o f age; that is the knowing that soon you'll really get to rest. For a moment I missed him more than m indlessness.

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I lived long enough to see the oak seat itself a m o n g his ashes and promise to grow at least until no one could remember us any more. I lived to know my children's forgiveness. I lived to see grandchildren who would remember. 1 lived to cherish the greater balance o f my life in recovery. I spoke and taught and shared tears with children and laughter with my bitter peers and in the last days o f the warranty on my equipment I found the time to thank the boys from school who threw my ear-flap hat on top o f the bikeshed so they could watch the fatboy clim b and Normie for his unknowing help through my lim itations and my auntandunde/momanddad fo r th eir patience and m y parents for their pain. I knew all the kinds of Forgiveness and Love in that last moment in time and as simply as soapsuds slide away in the shower I shed the powerful bond o f passion. I thought 1 heard a “plunk” and so I somethinglike sm iled and som ethinglike said, "G ood bye!"... and flew away!

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The majestical mountains and volcanoes o f Guatemala are breath taking. The majority o f the inhabitants o f the Central American country arc Mayan Indians. Hip North Americans and Europeans flock to this land o f 24 distinct languages and bask in the beauty o f the landscape, people, colorful clothing, and crafts. As I walked through a small village in the Guatemalan moun tains in 1987,1 was struck by the peculiar influence o f North Americans. There was the fire and brimstone je t set-fundam entalist Christians de termined to "save" the "primitives" o f the highlands. There were the groovy eco-tourists who purchased loads o f Guatemalan clothing to take back to the United States or Germany for resale at a large profit. The village didn't have lodging for the tourists, who stayed across la k e Panajachel and came over on boats to spend the day consuming Tzutujil culture. When the tourists left at night, the military and police came into the village, going door to door peddling harassment, torture, and sometimes death in this gruesome land. I was in the village working with Peace Brigades International and the Mutual Support Group o f the Realtives o f the Disappeared (Gm po de Apoyo Mutuo) in attempts to stop the daily violence. 1 witnessed the brutality o f the Guatemalan military. I saw the blood splattered on a church wall o f a man killed for speaking on behalf o f the Mayan Indians. And I observed the obliviousness o f hippies to the state o f terror, since it is usually too dangerous fo r‘people to speak the truth to strangers ( or even people they know), and the military hide their acts o f genocide from tourists who want a taste o f Indian culture and whose dollars are so crucial to perpetuating the genocidal oligarchy. Queers have had our culture and history denied for centuries in many parts o f the world. Thus we are constantly in a position o f re claiming and creating our culture from our imagination and what has been pieced together by our queer community. Furthermore, we live in a time o f accelerated ecological catastrophe and breakdown in commu nity. It is understandable that people look outside our shopping maul culture for direction. Many white people look towards (romanticized) American In dian culture as a place to locate their power. The sense o f a primitive culture in touch with nature has a great appeal to people who feel alien ated from a world o f telcvi sion, homophobia and spiritual emptiness. In our convenient world o f accesibility, the native lifestyle is easy to adopt through books, medecine wheel workshops, vision quests, and crystals. The problem is that you cannot become a primitive person, and you can harm others in your attempts. For example, crystals are mined in Brazilian rainforests, displacing native peoples. You can invest pow ers o f some primitive goddess into your shiny jewelry, but the repercus sions are far greater than the sense o f wholeness you obtain from your sacred incantation. There is no greater modern irony than embracing primitivism through a magazine produced on dead trees via a computer, whose parts are shipped from an oppressive Korean sweatshop. Plastic product capitalism and Rushing For Deadlines are hardly primitive prod ucts.

Margo Thunderbird decries the EuroAmerican theft o f land, re sources, water, and air. "And now, after all that, they've com e for the very last o f our possessions; now they want our pride, our history, our spiritual traditions. They want to rewrite and remake these things, to claim them for themselves. The lies and thefts ju st never end." As Marchell J. Wesaw put it, "The commercial use o f Native American be liefs have major impact on Native American cultures; these practices deny the very existence o f traditional Native American beliefs as valid ways o f life today. They do not foster acceptance o f Native American lifestyles—they trivialize them. Think about that the next time a faerie shares the "Native" culture they learned at a $250 weekend with a "medi cine man." As a communique o f The Elders Circle (which comprises members o f various North American Indian Nations) stated, "be warned these individuals! plastic medicine men| are moving about playing upon the spiritual needs and ignorance o f our non-Indian brothers."

I have heard faeries (mis)represent cultures with the preface "the Native Americans say..." as if all Native Americans can be lumped into one world view. Or, even worse, I’ve heard faeries say that the "so-andso Natives said...," as though it all is something o f the past that we as non-Natives can carry on. What about the present Native Americans? Gee, too bad there usually doesn't seem to be a real Indian around to ask. Ward Churchill asks us to "think about the significance o f charlatans like Carlos Castenada |whose fabrications o f halluconogenic Yaqui ex perience is in vogue in alternative gay culture! and Lynn Andrews churn ing out 'Indian' bestsellers... while Indians typically can't get into print.” Some faereies continue the racist belittling o f Native Americans by carrying on the American romance with the noble savage. This hap pens when Euro-Americans take on Indian names. Others teach "In dian" ceremonies. "As America becomes more com fortable in redeploy ing its Indian myths, the more invisible we become as people," accord ing to Jim m ie Durham. Robert F. Berkhofer, Jr. addressed this in his book, The White Man's Indian. "For most Whites throughout the past five centuries, the Indians o f imagination and ideology has been as real, perhaps more real, than the Native American o f actual existence and contact. As preconception became conception and conception became fact, the Indian was used for the ends o f arguments, art, and entertain ment ..." Faeries have challenged my position by claiming that they are not the ones who committed the genocide that took 95% o f the lands away from Native Americans and killed about 99% o f them, and they

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cannot change what has been done. Unfortunately, the genocidal poli cies continue today, whether it is the forced relocation o f 10.000 Dineh aqnd Hopi people near Big Mountain (stealing land for coal), the im prisonment o f political activists like lTonard Peltier, or denying Indi ans the right to fish on their own lands in favor o f licensed "game" fishers. Another retort I’ve heard from faeries is that they are "appreci ating the Native cultures." Why is it that Euro-Americans in particular cannot look for power from their own heritage, but must find it from outside? As gay people we too have been victimized as others. In deed, one o f the most prominent justifications for colonization o f the Americas was the "barbaric" sexuality (like same sex love) that the first European imperialists witnessed. M. Annette Jaim es encourages us to be true allies for Native Americans by supporting them in their liberation struggles, rather than vamping their culture. In her book.

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she states that "we face the consummation o f American nazism 1in fact Hitler wrote about how he based his death camps on American killing o f Native Americans), with all that implies in terms o f racism, sexism, militarism, environmental devastation through rampant industrialism, and the final consolidation o f the U .S. police state. To a very real extent, the key to reversing this process may be found in achieving the liberation o f North America..." In short, queers will be better o ff in a decolonized America. We will be more spiritual and in touch with Native traditions if we actually engage in the real needs o f the original inhabitants o f these lands than a romantic filling o f the guilty empty void o f spirit so many o f us feel. In 1987, while North American new agers celebrated the supposed Mayan Harmonic Convergence, I could not find one Mayan Indian in Guatemala who had even heard o f this "prophecy" that had been popularized so heavily by the new age movement in the United States. Instead o f joining the craze o f the quest to be a whites hum an (a phrase used by Wendy Rose), please join the efforts o f Native Ameri can resistance.

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Contacts

Hot be^AoHE s &y i Aothchtic. Imdiam ChakIts.

Western Shoshone Defense Project (hosts annual spring sovereignty gathering) 702-4 6 8 -0 2 3 0 Pro Hawaiin Sovereignty Working Group, 3333 K a’ Ohinau Drive, K a k S C FM E H E D IC IM E K av ^IiC \<b A Honolulu, HI 96817 f e c M o \ M M E ,D S tR E U S T o M D a a JC E rT ^ Dineh Hopi Alliance (to stop strip mining), 2045 W. 3rd #34, Winslow, AZ 86047 S p ir it u a l . I e a c u e e . Coalition in Support o f Amazonian Peoples and their Environment, M a i l R t e ,i S T A A T » o K “T o : S p i r i t u a l . D y 'm a k x c s .U ^ 1511 K. St. NW Suite 1044, Washington, DC 20005 Leonard Peltier Defense Committee, P.O. Box 583, Lawrence, KS 66044 Abya Yala News, Journal o f the South and M eso American Indian T o ^ e e t i S T E R -. Tv^R.e UJ IU-LA S P E c iA u Rights Center (SA IIC ), PO Box 28703, Oakland, CA 94604D i5 c o o m t e c > P e ic e : o r ^ S 5 o E o r T je 8703 (subscriptions $15) T iE E R E k iD ^ ^ u o D C H M O , M o t I u c l u d e d T

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FOR STEVEN MAXXXINE I l i t some candles I made when I heard; some incense, a Thelonius Monk CD. I dug a picture out of a box. placed i t on my new coffee table with a bird’s eye maple veneer top, kinda deco. I ju st got it. You're standing alone on beltane in a white robe, black hat and b eau tifu lly decorated chains leading to your piercings. You're holding a strand, ready to weave the Maypole. I remember th at year when I was over there, ray strand came undone a fte r I passed you several times. I ran o ff in the field and wrapped myself in i t and f e ll asleep. L.A. burned. Oskrr died rig h t before I got there Kali-ma! You’re standing there lik e an angel, temple whores playing behind you. It's a beau tifu l photo there on ray table. I f I had some money I ’d have bought a fine bottle of wine. I guess I thought for sure I ’d see you again, th at’s why I didn't write. So brave and in tellig en t, my dear, dear sister. A harsh slam, my day is ruined. Getting to love you was always a pleasure, stay longer next time. That picture, th at day in our lives, best and worst of times, you were there, but you’re not any more. I see ghost faces now in the shadows of the trees... three or four that I've never noticed a sk u ll, and a head with horns. I ’m in shock I guess...still angry at th is cold fucking world where i t ’s always people lik e you th at have to go and rarely anyone I couldn’t g ive a sh it about. You’d re a lly lik e th is CD. I want to do something real punk in your memory. But I can’t think of what. I can’t focus, even by th is soft ligh t... and there’s a pretty damn big sickening p it in my stomach rig h t now. I ’m frozen, alone... death must only hurt h a lf as much as su rv iv in g . I watch my beautiful world crumble faster than it's being rebuilt. Piece by piece, lik e my soul is being diced by a phantom... i t ’s pain. If god planned our lives, loved one. we know he’s a sick, twisted, sadistic motherfucker. Feed K ali Maxine! Feed Ma Ma! 1 miss you. I love you!

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Valentine's Day '95 The clay's beginning for most of the candy-eyed sweethearts out there. Mine's over before it began. Really. John cut my hair. It's not the worst cut ever. At 2:00 am we ventured out for other drugs...like beer. The local thrash fag bar, that funky center of the fucking universe, "C hez P h a g ." In we walked and there he was: Good Looking Man who kicked me in the head 10 times and stole 100 dollars and my cigarettes. One would think if you got jacked on 'a date’ for a hundred bucks at least you bought your way to not getting kicked in the head. Reggie doesn't think so. He said before that I "turned him on" and he was trying to better himself — then a future convicted felon — but now he wants to be friends. He's trying to better himself. "So happy to be out of jail I think I might smoke an extra rock" 'So ah, if you're really sorry you II give me back the money you ripped' but really I don't want any money he could come up with. I asked you not to touch me, you did it anyway. I asked you to leave me alone, you threatened to hit me. I begged you to leave me alone, it made you feel murderous and me afraid. Why couldn't you, Reggie, stupid twit, fathom that someone who you kicked in the head about 10 times may not want to have much to do with you? What's with today's youth? Happy V.D. Reggie. You earn respect you don't demand it. Stupid white boy, me. I want to say Nigger, Nigger, Nigger. I have to remind myself in my cakey world that it's not your people, it's you — you're a charming, good looking, sociopath and whitey's keeping you down. I'm afraid you want to kill me 'cause I dont like you. I don't want you to touch me. I want you to leave me the fuck, alone. Silly white boy, me, I wanted to stop trusting anyone. But if only the strong survive in your world what are you surviving for anyway? "No one disrespects me" tired old fag at 23. Granny would've called you a 'ne'er do well' but all I want for you, brother, is what's best. Now here's the trash that two days before I saw and did not recognize him , I again, made a pass. I could've done the same stupid thing over again. I'm reminded of recidivism, a victim's tendency to revictimize themselves or even others. One date raped my ass, which in all truthfulness is much worse than getting kicked in the head about 10 times, but don't think for a minute, Reggie, that he's gonna be at my dinner table. And then running into you on Valentine’s Day of all days is like when I ran into my rapist a year and a day later. I just want to be satisfied. Venus, St. fucking Valentine's, Cupid...rape, a fuck, and robbed and kicked in the head about 10 times, you fuckhead cheap car salesman what are you trying to teach me? Some lasson like I'm an idiot fool or something? I knew that before I was raped and robbed and kicked about the head 10 times and toyed with and taken advantage of and hurt so deeply that I'm amazed I have any sense of self left. Fuck you, you slaezy, sideshow holiday pimps. You ain't done shit for me.

Today, I wear button down designer shirt, khakis, wing tips. Today, 1 don't wear earrings, nose ring, diamond studded shades or my purple fruit boots Today, I need a job. some money, independence that's a cruel joke. Mom's housekeeper says 1 look sooo nice. Please don’t make me breed. Goddess, please! 1 hate this world that makes me dress like this, I hate this world that makes me work. Burgers for the burghers, the spiritually vacant merchant class, scum de la scum, soulrobbers who define taste and morality. Most will say that what I do in my own time is my business but their business hates me anyway. Wants to kill me in my mix-matched plaid. To vivisect my brain. Wants me to fear god and love money. New and improved, super ultra- extra strength mediocrity. I'm being force-fed homogenized bullshit. I'm not straight; even if I was a dumb ass hetero 1 still wouldn't be straight. Why Goddess why do I have to look this way just to get by? Suck up to whitey when I'd rather fuck his ass like a rapist. People I don't know and don't care about smile at my monkey suit, the same ones who would spit on my shock blocker pumps. My parents took me to dinner. A pretty young woman winked at me, I crossed my legs but it didn't work. I was trapped in my persona masque o f blind fashion. I got the job because I smiled and faked the apple pie bit. It took everything I had but I got the god damn job. When they realize I’m a big phony, when I can fake no more, when my pronouns go

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Fuck these jesus fucks! I'm already in hell because they are all too stupid to realize they'a* in hell tin* A hell of bland mask identities that hide selfish wanton souls that spit drivel about what a cool place heaven is. that wonder if Ralph Lauren is really a preppie and if their socks match their car, if Bull winkle's better than Ren and Stimpey. They pretend not to do drugs, not to have sex and some of them, the really dead ones, actually don't. Like Barbie. No definable genitalia, nipped, tucked, scrubbed, flossed, pruned, tanned and tweezed, total sleaze and today I look just like them. LO O K IN G O U T TO SLA. Robert host

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It is not right to create a mystique or air of expectation about Hateboy. I, in my sentimental laziness, will do that, but that's not what he is about. He hates that. Hateboy is about being present in the moment, again and again and again. Hateboy says "fuck you, I hate you ,” is the most caring thing he can say to someone. Hateboy says we don't show our anger, we keep it all inside and it makes us sick. Hateboy doesn't want to be places where he can't yell and show his anger. Hateboy is an outside person.

"DON'T SHOW M E W HAT YOU BO U G H T!" he says loudly to the small crowd o f gay people attracted timidly to this intense, magical energy. "SHOW M E WHAT YOU M A D E!" he proclaims, then lays on the cement and does ten pushups and walks on his hands for thirty seconds. This action reveals soft, inviting skin, a tight stomach and slender hips clad in the strangest sewn together pants I've ever seen. He is a demented, urban Peter Pan for the nineties, not bloated and weak from alcohol, but seething with a new degree o f alienation and streetwise cunning. He is not resigned to collecting bottles for change, he sews and eats and speaks aloud as if he was actually was enjoying himself.

Hateboy is, for me, a visionary, touched by the light and living the hard life on the street in this very sick, very angry time. Let me not paint him as a saint. That would be lazy and sentimental, and there is no time for that now. While Hateboy chooses to live a principled life in this crippled, oppressive, painful world, he is also arrogant, dirty, abusive, cruel, violent, and a liar. Hateboy is an outside person. He is not homeless. He lives on the street, without money, with no identification, no history, no ties. His life happens outside, he wears outside clothes and does outside things, like hunting and gathering, seeking shelter, exploring. He lives here, in San Francisco, perhaps the one place on earth where he might be allowed to exist outside o f a jail or hospital for the violently insane.

"You all think I'm crazy, you call me crazy so you all can feel normal. 1 am crazy. But I'm not stupid. Who's the real crazy though, you people who stay inside all day and talk on the phone and write on papers and slave away all your whole fucking life tor nothing? Or me who am outside in the sun and who makes great works(he holds up the green thing he is sewing on). Where are your great works? Who will remember you? One thing is for sure, you have no great works to show ." He is beautiful. I am instantly enchanted, spellbound. I must know him. After a few minutes I work up my nerve and walk close. "I really like what you're making.” 1 say. He sews intently, looking up for a moment with squinted eyes. He wears a dirty brown tshirt as a hood, his face is narrow, with dark shiny eyes, a pointed nose, thin lips and a scraggly blond goatee. He seems twenty or twenty two. He gives me a quick sneer and continues sewing. Can I buy you some coffee?" I ask. He stops. "Say I hate you." "What?" 'You don't have to mean it the first time. Say I hate you." "I hate you" This seemed to open some doorway to him. "I'm making a tribe." he said. "Oh yeah? How do people get in your tribe?" I ask hesitantly, afraid to get too close or sit down on the street. My God, someone might think I'm a homeless person. "Come outside. Get a shopping cart. Sew." "I like to sew" I said. "I don’t know if I'm ready to live outside. Not in the city, anyhow." I went and bought coffee(m ilk and six sugars for him) and, shaking with excitement, began this intense friendship with Hateboy. After that day and a few more. Grasshopper(another o f his names) started to spend time at my apartment on Fillmore Street. It is small, but comfortable, with a back door that opens onto a root deck overlooking a garden. Hateboy would stop by early in the morning, park his cart in the breezeway and bound up the fire escape with an arm full o f sewn together clothes, blankets, food, and the latest ground score to incorporate into our sewing projects. We became sewing partners. It was like having a wild animal in my living room, but this is where I came to love him the most(being the inside person I am). We spent many days here, with my back door open (he could not stand to lie inside for very long, unless the back door was completely open). We listened to Grateful Dead(his choice) or tribal house/trance music(my choice) and sewed like madmen, on some incredible projects. It was here that I came to understand him, to listen to his stories o f three years on the street in Berkeley and how he came to be known as Hateboy. Outrageous stories, o f getting o ff a bus from Ohio and really

This adventure begins, if you will, one sunny day in the Castro, in front o f the Bagdad C afe..... He is a dirty faced, thin, blond boy dressed in weird, psychedelic, crudely handsewn rag clothes. He is sewing with rapt absorption on a medevil dirty green velvet poncho with a crenellated border and an ornate cross on the front. There is a battered shopping cart full o f rags and scraps o f leather, a tall staff decorated with a sheep skull and broken jewelry, a coffee cup, a beer can bent to form a pipe. This "homeless" person does not seem homeless at all, he seems quite "at home."

- 3 ? -

living outside on the street with no money, drumming and dancing and making clothes and powerful magic, o f going three weeks wearing nothing until the police!frustrated because there was no law against being naked in public in Berkeley) trumped up some "lascivious behavior" charges and drove him out, banned him from Berkeley. Stories o f Dead shows and gatherings, o f being beaten unconscious three times by his father, o f sitting around a fire with a troll in Golden Gate Park, o f hitchiking through the Rocky Mountains with no money in the winter, being in jail, and more. Running erands for speed freaks on Haight Street at 4:00am. Fucking a hot punk girl in an abandoned house in the Panhandle. Selling pot to an undercover cop in the Park, and escaping, with the money. For a time, we became close and lived a sort o f tribal life. W eâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;d hang out a lot, but I refused to come outside, preferring to keep my apartment and my inside life. I witnessed many bizzarre and dangerous moments around Hateboy. In our explorations around the City, a phrase or a situation would trigger him and he would become suddenly enraged. Hateboy was very powerful, and dangerous, and would push his cart into traffic or step into the middle o f Market Street and yell, or become inspired suddenly, in a loud, grandiose voice, to deliver a lecture about negative caring or shopping cart consciousness, or how stupid money was, or how much we all stuffed our feelings and were sick because o f it. He was way into public nudity, and he especially hated cars. Hateboy was the first person I met I would call "omnisexual." From listening to his stories, I knew him to be mostly interested in women. When asked about his orientation though, which when hanging on Castro happened fairly often, he would decline to state, or say, "I'm trisexual, men, women and llamas." Hateboy had a thin, svelte body, strong in the chest with a smooth opennessO shaved his body for him), curved, almost girlish hips, curly blond hair and a goatee. He had a swarthy, androgynous, urchin quality to his shape and movements, together with his artfully sewn rags made him very sexy in a dangerous sort o f way. Once, he wanted to come to a queer solstice sex party 1 told him about, on 14th street. It was the day before Gay Day, and he spent it with me working on a black leather chestpiece and jockstrap that made him look like a high tech medevil Elvira. We went to Castro that night with thousands o f fags and dykes, dancing on the street to techno and faggot disco music. Crowds were always an inspiration for Hateboy, to yell, act out, take o ff his clothes, dance, almost anything to get a reaction. He did all of that there, within the intoxicating temporary autonomous zone created by this huge crowd. I wanted to protect him from the video cameras, those who would not understand but want only to take, to steal and look at in their little rooms and at their parties. His art is not for that. His art is for the moment only. It is not significant, it is trivial, made up and forgotten. Much later, we went to the queer sex party. I was a little nervous, because even though Hateboy says he's not straight, he likes girls, and always talks about girls. We climb in the hot tub past all the men, naked boys, leather daddies, cruising, stroking, eating, dancing. Hateboy responds to the first advance from a boy, and in one giddy moment we are writhing in a pile o f ecstatic bodies, fairy boys with boners riding a bobbing wave o f sex magic energy. It is sustained urgency, passionate embrace, drive to pleasure and be pleasured, to exchange vibration on this chaotic physical plane. I am sucking Hateboy's dick. Hateboy is sucking my dick. W e are together and it is right, as brothers, to join our edges this once. White fire light dissolves to an ethereal plane journey...sweat hot hands touch...join flesh...and for a moment I understand...feel smell taste the sweat and blood and milky white semen across lean ripply chest. Dizzy mind explosion. Ecstatic presence. 1 am you, you are me. I want nothing more for a moment...an instant...this is enough...this is the moment ...the burning fire I could let loose in, let go, let be, let love, let release to look in his dark eye...face to face with unknowing presence...saliva breath...I love you...no words are right only this moment...if only it could vibrate into all other moments and be so com plete...so right...so powerful... let this moment resonate throughout my being for all time. The next day we left for the Rainbow Gathering in Wyoming. We bounced six hours in my old pickup, over rugged Sierras, past RV choked Donner la k e , where we got o ff with a warning from a ranger in a new F ord bronco about no nudity(that damn Hateboy laying naked on a blanket in the sun...), through cramped touristed Reno(no shoplifting, dude) and out onto hot Nevada desert. Outlaws, we camped at a hot spring near Austin,NV, and soaked in murky hot water from deep under

the planet, with visions o f dark mother earth, exploded atom bombs, radiation, bulldozed piles o f dead bloated cattle, distant vapor trails of secret black military planes, aluminum coke cans, screaming kawasaki dirt bikes and naked, pink Nevada rednecks. Seeking shelter from the intense sun,we laid in the shade o f the truck on blankets Hateboy had found in the city. W e drank coffee and ate beans, smoked, played drums, sang and were covered completely in a gritty white dust. When it was dark we stumbled naked into the magical night, onto an endless moonlit desert plain fierce and alive with animals, indian and plant spirits, smells o f dry sage and dust and thick, heady oxygen. "Who will hear my story?" he cried into the night. "Who can accept my anger? Who will witness my pain?" he screamed and we walked on for miles into the warm night, me as witness, into culverts alive with indian spirits, ridgetops teeming with psychedelic visions and whirlwinds o f energy, with magical moonlit views o f milky white plains. In this space, away from the smothering city, his gift was unleashed and alive, coherent, complete, total, all consuming...then not. He went in and out o f English, but still made sense to me somehow. He was free in all his multidimensional glory then, to become all and take me with him, to spew and fly and get his dick hard to dance naked and aroused on the surface o f lovely Gaia. Do not fear, shapeshifter, you are chosen. Animal spirits came present to us, in every hollow and gully we stumbled past, water spirit, mineral, plant aura lurking in the milky light as we shuddered and expanded and began to understand. In that moment I succumbed, dazzled, to the anguished alienated, dark, ecstatic, agonized, lonely vision o f Hateboy. My white middle class reality had been swept up into something infinitely more real and dirty and passionate than anything I had yet known. The boring, faceless, corporate monoculture police state faded away and my awareness burned with light, with knowing, with a new ability to bring myself present in the moment. In a certain way I was bom that night, stumbling across a surreal moonlit desert plain with Hateboy. Later that summer, back in the City, it grew colder and began to rain. Hateboy stayed inside in my apartment some days. It's hard to be outside when it's cold and rainy. I had some work in Oakland and was more busy. His personality changed then, he became more distant. One day I came home and found his blanket rolled up neatly in the corner. He was gone, as were all my foodstamps and about $150. The visionary shaman was human after all.

Fuck you, Hateboy. I hate you.

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The Images In the follouilng 2 pages are from KINK uideos. Vou can contact KINK at: POBoh 150790 Brooklyn NV 11215 Tel. (718)832-3952

CONSCIOUSNESS T H A T 'S VERY e x c it in g

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CONSCIOUSNESS T H A T 'S VERY e x c it in g

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D a s K c iM tc th e Cj'uUefritL DeaJ* by Tom Seidner I guess the first question people would ask would be “Why?" Why in an issue featuring an exploration of faerie primitive, a movement I would tend to imagine with a soundtrack of some kind of modem industrial trance music, is there an article on some leftover sixties band? Let me try to explain. I realized as we put together this issue that my experience in following this band was of the same nature as that expressed by other writers here. An experience of using the body to attain a connection with divinity that I pursue with a sense of ritual, a feeling of community, and a determination to go beyond my ordinary limits and the habits of my mundane life. I am not the same person I am at a Dead show that I am anywhere else. It is to experience being that person, as well as an enjoyment in hearing my favorite songs and a chance to party with my friends, that has led me to travel tens of thousands of miles with inevitable inconveniences and near tragedies. So what is that experience? First let me tell you a little of what it is like for me elsewhere. Despite years of attendance at various gatherings, spiritual seminars, progressive retreats and the like, my mind and body rarely attain a sense of unity or wholeness. My conception of myself tends to be one an intelli gent, well-meaning, but awkward sort of guy. I tend to be faced with situations my mind knows could be handled with grace and vigor, but my body seems at a loss to do so. Some inner voice is always saying something like “You’ve seen a production of ‘Hamlet,’ so what if you don’t have a script, you should be able to do it.” Or more commonly “You’ve seen people function effectively in this type of social setting before. You should be able to do it too.” And my body or persona or whatever part of ourselves is actually left to perform these acts is left sort of gibbering excuses, even when it does manage to function effectively. Not so when I am dancing to the Dead. I’ll admit if I am pressed that I have no idea what my dancing looks like to other people. It doesn’t matter. For me what is going on is a transla tion of the music and the lyrics into a form of language that requires only a space and a body to shape it. The space is a complex one. Often it is in the hallway of the concert hall, with no view of the band and frequently punctu ated by people strolling to the concessions. The rea son for my preferring this space is twofold and compen sates for its visual garishness. There is more room to move than is possible if I tried dancing by my seat and I am surrounded by the most energetic and creative of the other dancers. I have good friends I never see at shows because they don’t enjoy the information over load experienced by the “hall dancers.” The move ments of the other dancers both define the space available to me and give me energy to work with. I find my movements in some ways mimicking theirs, but with my own emphasis and an experience of reflecting their various dances in a sort of crazy-quilt tapestry, segueing from one dancer’s movements into another’s.

The music I experience as a roar of energy I can barely contain. I have my favorite songs and have certainly gone through the feeling of “Omigod I can’t believe they’re actually playing this tonight!” that Deadheads rush to the phones after a show to tell their friends about. They’ve been playing for thirty years and have an incredible repertory of songs and no two shows are the same and... on a certain level it is irrelevant. What matters is how much potential the band is finding in that song that night. There are songs I’ve never been disappointed by and others I tend to be less enthusiastic about, but you can never tell. My body knows its favorite movements to certain songs and I find myself almost using a whole body form of sign language when I hear the opening bars to some of these, reminding the other dancers what a treat we are in for. There are other songs I need to look around to get some sense from the other dancers how to move to. But after a quick jumpstart my dancing-body takes over. I wrote about barely being able to contain that roar of energy. Let me try to explain that more because I know those words may not tell people enough about the experience. Imagine that there is something you’ve wanted to tell everyone around you for your entire life and someone looks into your eyes and asks you to confide it to them. Imagine the most wonderful man you have ever fantasized about takes you by the hand and asks you to make love to him. Imagine that the notes of a song that you’ve been waiting to hear since before you were born sound through you with a crystal clarity and the knowledge that they will only continue if you use every resource at your command to acknowledge that “YES!” this is what you’ve been waiting for. And then imagine this feeling is going to go on for three hours excluding the intermission. Forming the movements that convey my sense of the words and music and who I am and the nature of my joy comes very easily to me. I don’t know why. I need to drink lots of fluids. I need to be near at least one other good dancer preferably several. And I need to find meaning in the lyrics that reflect the parts of my life I haven’t been able to explain adequately to anyone. All of these are relatively simple things to attain. From somewhere I seem to have inherited a wisdom of the body that surprises me with its facility and invention in transforming my emotions and responses into dance. I wrote a somewhat selfdeprecating bio early in this article so that you, the reader, would not think that I have a swelled head about my capabili ties. I also wrote it to explain my surprise and delight in finding my Self, my soul, and a kind of ancient fire-dancing wisdom arising in me at these times. Every part of me comes together with a sense of deep satisfaction and gratitude. The other dancers. This could be an article in itself. Sexy Southern men, beatific waif-like women, experienced male o,

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dancers with an air of boredom, and red-faced, energetic Northwestern women make up some of the cast of characters in this play. I fall in love a hundred times during the night and I am not alone in that feeling. A guy about twenty came up to me at the end of a show one night and asked in a shy confused manner, “This might sound crazy but I've got to ask some body. When I'm getting off on the music and I look around at everybody not only are they getting off also, but they seem really happy that I am too. Is that really going on?" I replied gently that it is. And he said, “This doesn’t go on at other concerts, does it?" I laughed and said not really. As he looked around at the other dancers, I pointed at the ones I knew and told him how far they had traveled to get here. There’s no other crowd like this. There are the sylphs, women who appear to have no bones and to have grown up on a planet where dance was the only way of moving. There are the spinners who, as their name implies, dance entirely by rotating, modern dervishes with a mystic philosophy of their own. And there are some men who dance with a strength and a beauty that awake no envy in me, only a desire to emulate. For God damn it I am a swan too! Or maybe a peacock displaying his tail feathers. There is David who throws himself into my arms when he sees me. Tall Michael in his batik shirt and long skirt. Chris with his infectious grin and mad energy. A dark haired man I know only by sight though I’ve danced with him a hundred times and mirrored his tai-chi-like movements. And always the surprises. The man who comes out of nowhere to steal my heart for the evening. I’ve found that a little sexual attraction always gives a special sweetness to my dancing. My usual experience is that the man I’m attracted to will dance near me and put a little extra something into his dancing; though he will often seem somewhat embarrassed or tongue-tied when the music stops. Something I’ve been able to enjoy in the past few years has been the increasing presence of my faerie brothers at shows. Keer, BJ, Cary, Sandy, J, Tim, David, Mark, Eric, Will iam, Portia, Michael, and Jim have made a dream come true for me by allowing the two most important parts of my life to come together. Sadly, I don’t see many self-identified queer dead heads at shows. But there seem to be more and more. Mark’s pink triangle in a Grateful Dead skull shirts help us meet others. But I also have to give credit to the increasing number of straight men who identify other men as good or bad dancers and don’t seem to give a damn about gay or straight. When I’m lying in a pile of men and women on the floor after some contact improv during a slow song or semi-slam dancing during a fast one, it’s hard to sort out everyones sexual orientation. And I’m grateful for an area of my life that my women friends are a part of. There are two sisters I’ve been seeing shows with since 1977 and I’ll be dancing with both of them in the summer of ‘95. I’d like to tell you more about the band and the music, but I really can’t do them justice. Come out and hear for yourself. As the promoter Bill Graham said of them, “They’re not the best at what they do. They’re the only ones who do what they do.” And maybe we’ll see each other dancing. If you want to get together with other faeries/queers at shows, contact: Tom Seidner, 323 Frederick St., SF, CA 94117; (800)673-8343; toms@well.st.ca.us

Unpasteurized Homo Piss

by Sol/r Ubogy

This is a note about piss and the ways it can change your life. In the last year I've learned a hit about the lovely yellow stuff, particularly its healing properties. When I'm feeling a hit run down. I dnnk a shot or two first thing in the morning The morning's First Pee has the most beneficial quality to it, but it's also the most pungent so sometimes I hold my nose.

Now, I can hear your thoughts at this point: "Why, pray tell, would anyone drink such a thing?" Well, let me assure you, gent le reader, that piss, or the common North American HousePee, has many wonderful qualities: •for athlete's foot, peeing on your feet in the shower is sure to help (I do it whenever I can remember, as it prevents all sorts of nasty growths. In fact, I had a wart on my toe for years which disappeared this winter after two weeks of peetherapy.) •pee was used as an antiseptic in hard times during World W ar II • for canker sores, rub some in several times a day and they clear up faster. Since pee is acidic, remember to rinse after taking it in your mouth. •for prolonging that extra special trip (e.g. magic mushrooms) •for bleeding gums, Miss W. of Wolf Creek, Oregon, swears by a daily piss gargle •herpes sores on the lip/cold sores supposedly respond very well to pee treatment; if I remember correctly this is due to an amino acid which is abundant in pee •pee is fabulous for the complexion, ruh it on in the shower and let it soak in for a couple of minutes. •tired of having to choose from a million shampoos/ Host your mind! Pee cleans your hair, leaves it soft and shiny, and rinses out with no odor. •for sinus problems, snorting per is a great way to clear things up. I found that I took to pee like a duck passes water, I mean tnAns to water, but if pee is not yet vour friend you might start with a couple of drops just to assure yourself that your tongue won't fall ofT. Also, I find that pissing directly into my mouth makes the whole event more exciting. Recycling brought down to the basics! Pee is one of the many magical things our body makes for us to take care of ourselves. No fuss, no muss (well at least no fuss), and most importantly, no goddamn Walmart-chainstore-from-hell. Peedrinker, heal thyself!

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In this ceremony, there are three parts. The Priest, the God-Vessel, and the Celebrants. Their parts are designated as PR, VE, and CE. Much of this ceremony is in verse and is intended to he chanted in a sing-song fashion. If you want to change the words, feel free to, but bear in mind that rhythm and cadence and rhyme have a magical effect upon our sub-conscious minds and the Gods will be more apt to hear. So change where you must, shorten, lengthen, but keep the beat. PR: PR:

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This ceremony may be performed inside or outside, where you can see the Full Moon. You can do it around a bon-fire or surrounded by as many candles as you feel comfortable with.

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We view the Moon as a male God, the Lord o f Magic, controller of our passions, and protector of same-sex lovers everywhere. As the Full Moon, He is in His prime and at His most potent. Although you may call Him anything you want that fits, the name we use in this ceremony is Nanna, which was the name of the ancient Sumerian Moon God. Like many Sumerian deities, the ancient Nanna is shrouded in mystery and many of the myths that have survived have >- heterosexual overtones, but don't let this deceive you. Gods never die, they just go to sleep when no longer called upon, but if you learn how to call them, they awake. Nor are Gods stagnant; they are everv growing and ever-evolving. If you call upon a God and listen, you will leam much, much more than any myth or history book could ever tell you.

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O Holy Nanna, Lord of the Moon, see, here is my Cock, my Holy Staff of Life, the root of my Power, the Key to all Things Hidden. We are all Men. Let the Celebration begin. So be it. CTurning clockwise slowly with athame stretched out) We seal this circle from the eyes of the profane. We banish the Spider. Guardian of the East, Jade Hawk, whom the Sun rode when he swept down from the blue sky and plucked Ganeymedes from the altar and carried him away to the Garden where no one gets sick, grows old, or dies, hear us from all who

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This is the night of the Full Moon. And we would have the Moon come down and join us. This is the night of the Full Moon, And we prepare a feast for the Moon to bless. This is the night of the Full Moon. And we have a Vessel for the God to enter. This place is sacred. We have gathered here to honor the Moon God. Holy Nanna, Lord of Magic, We have secluded ourselves from profane eyes so that the Young Moon might bless us with His presence. Holy Nanna, Lord of Magic. We are Men, who glorify things of Man. Celebrants, show now that vou are Men. (At this point everyone disrobes.

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Cer EmO®, PeJadeH aw k. hear us. erect thy sword, seal us in, protect from all who might do us harm. PR: Guardian of the South. Golden Serpent whose eyes are bright rubies, whose fangs are sparkling diamonds, whose venom is gold. Giant Worm who wraps around the Garden and protects it. hissing at all who try to steal their way in. erect thy sword, seal us in. protect us from all who might do us harm. CE: Golden Serpent, hear us. erect thy sword, seal us in. protect us from all who might do us harm. PR: Guardian of the West. Blue Whale whose belly fills the Seas, in whose mouth hangs the stars, who swallows the Dead and leads them through the entrails of Justice, guiding the Sons of the Sun to the Garden, where it is always warm, bright, and merry, hear us, erect thy sword, seal us in, protect us from all who might do us harm. CE: Blue Whale, hear us, erect thy sword, protect us from all who might do us harm. p r : Guardian of the North, White Bear whose eyes are cruel black coals, whose teeth are sharp yellow daggers whose breath is foul and hot, who consumes those lost in the Wasteland, whose roar causes blizzards that blind the unworthy and freeze their hearts, who leads astray those seeking to steal into the Garden where all are Sons of the Sun and the Moon, basking in radiance, warmth, and light, where their Holy Staffs give semen whenever they wish, erect thy sword, seal us in, protect us from all who might do us harm. CE: White Bear, hear us, erect thy sword, seal us in, protect us from all who might do us harm.

(The priest turns back to the celebrants and says:) It is done. The Gates are sealed. The Gods protect us. The profane have been banished. What now should we do? CE: We would have the Moon God come down and be with us. 1 PR: But where would He come? c Where is His body? I CE: We have brought a Vessel. “■ PR:

(At this point the f pre-selected god-vessel steps forward. From this point on in the ceremony his response is different from the celebrants. He should be chosen by consensus and should be willing. But in magic there are sometimes surprises. Don't be surprised if the one who has been pre-selected is not the one that steps forward. Sometime the god makes His own choice. You will know if the choice is really the God's by events that follow, Just remember, go with the flow of the ceremony. Don't fight it. Don't try to make it fit a script if it wants to do something else.) PR: You are volunteering to become a Vessel for Nanna to enter? VE: I am. .PR: You do this of your own IVE: I do. PR: Why do you do this?

free will?

Because in sharing my body with the Lord-God Moon He may teach me secrets and teach me to swoon To melodies that He alone keeps That I could never learn in a thousand sleeps. And to let this God come into me Will cleanse my heart and set me free. It will waken power I didn't know Slept inside me, waiting to grow. PR: It will waken power you didn’t know Slept inside you, waiting to grow? CE: It will waken power he didn't know Slept inside him, waiting to grow!

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(Turning and facing the fidl moon, the priest says to The deity:) O Nanna. Lord of Magic, we have a Vessel here That's pure and sweet to look upon and hasn't any fear. Come forth O mighty Hunter and fill him with Thy soul. Touch him with Thy silver staff, make him fully whole. Pull aside the Veil that hides the mysteries from our eyes. Hear our incantations and illuminate these skies. CE: Nanna. faithful lover of the ever-shining Sun. We honor You this evening, shimmering, silver One. PR: O lofty, lovely Moon God. whose eyes are like the Sea. Whose lips are like the Moon-kissed waves that whisper songs to me. Whose breath brings dreams of passion that stain my sweaty sheet. Whose silver cock brings magics that You pile before my feet. CE: Nanna, faithful lover of the ever-shining Sun, we honor You this evening, shimmering, silver One. PR: You, who utters prophesies, come forth among us here. We have a Vessel waiting that's willing and has no fear. He's open and wants to share with You his body, fair and firm. Enter, animate it, share his breath so we may learn. CE: Nanna, faithful lover of the ever-shining Sun, we honor You this evening, shimmering, silver One. PR: And when You're in his body, cause his cock to rise, make it hard and y? make it stiff, make it lift unto the • skies. Fill his cock with magics so when it shoots it's sperm, our spells be done, our wishes granted, and Your secrets we will learn. CF.: Nanna, faithful lover of the ever shining Sun. We honor You this evening, shimmering, silver One. PR:

(At this point, the celebrants will bring forth any food, drink, or herbs to be consumed ritually in this ceremony. Suggested foods are cakes or rolls, fruit, nuts, or cheeses. Beverages could be fruit\ juice, a mild wine, or spring water. Herbs should only be something natural, if desired.)

(To full moon>Here, before us. is a feast we would share

Priest should list the names of the food and drink, describing it in detail to the God.) But we do not wish eat yet. We will wait until You are with us. >R:

& PR: You may use his voice to sing Your songs. Teaching us what's right and wrong. You may use his tongue to prophecize. You may use his cock to ignite these skies, VE: Fill me with silver semen hot Bless my body, bless this spot. Fill me. fill me, enter me. Lord, I’m Yours tonight, make me rock-hardf CE & PR: Fill him, fill him. enter him. Lord, He's Yours tonight, make him rock-hard! Make him stiff as a rod with Thy holy sperm. Coming buckets of semen so we might learn! CE

with You. O Holy Nanna. It is given from our hearts. Simple foods and drink that we eat in Your honor, and that we would have You eat with us. (At this point, the

(At this point the priest takes the god-vessel's hand and says to the full moon. ) This is the Vessel that we have brought for You. (At this Point, the priest should describe the vessel's body in His own words, and then-.)

<At this point, the priest begins to caress the vessel, who' by this time should be feeling the presence of the moon-god in him. The priest will use his tongue and I hands as expertly as he can, while the God-vessel remains as still as possible, receiving Worship. The celebrants will be chanting:)

He is fair and firm and we anoint him for You.

The Priest begins to anoint the vessel with Ceremonial oil. He begins with the third eye, then the crown chakra, then the throat, and working down to the cock and the base of the spine. Then he anoints The arms, the legs, each nipple on the chest, the chin, the cheeks, the mouth, the nose, the eyes, the ears. As he's doing this, the vessel should remain as still as he can and the celebrants should be chanting.) ]E: This is Thy body, O Lord of the Night, Fill it with passion and soft, silver light Come down from Your hunting far overhead, Enter this Vessel, we want to be fed.

<Over and over again until the anointing is finished and the priest says:) kPR:

It is done. Thy Body is ready, Nanna.

(At this point, the God-vessel should become the leade of the chanting.) fcVE: Enter me, Moon-God, make me feel The tingling on my spine as Thy holy heel Touches my neck and slips within Filling me with passion from end to end. kCE & PR. Touch his neck and make him feel The tingling of Your holy heel. Slip within him. wear his form. Fill him with passion, safe from harm Lve: The infinite You in the finite me. Like filling a thimble with the storm-tossed Sea, Rip down this veil and come to us, Blessing this circle with Thy holy lust kCE & PR: Rip down this veil, come to us, Wear this evening mortal dust. He wants to share his body with You,! Two in One, One that's Two. [ve: 1 am the Vessel, named so tonight. Awaiting Your touch and Your magical light Enter me now, let me share with You My eyes, my ears, give me life anew. kCE& PR: Give him life anew, come here to us. Bless this circle with Your sacred lust His are Your ears, his are Your eyes, Fill him Moon-Hunter, ignite these skies. VE: This is my body, firm and hard. My arms and my legs, O Holy Bard,^ This is my cock, come share with me All that 1 am so that I might see >CE & PR: Share what he offers, O Holy Moon, Enter him now, make him croon With words of wisdom and thoughts of lust And deeds of passion he can share with us VE: I’ll let you share my bones, my blood. My nose, my tongue, this living mud. I'll let You in. Lord of the Night, A I'll share my body for second-sight

CE:

Fill him, fill him, enter him, Lord, He's Yours tonight, make him rock-hard! Make him stiff as a rod with Thy holy sperm, Coming buckets of semen so we might learn!

While this chanting is going on, the celebrants might want to sway o r dance about the priest and the vessel, being aware when the vessel is aibout to cum. In this ceremony it is essential that the God vessel not cum im the priest's mouth. This is not a ceremony of individual renewal, but of renewal and communion with the deity. When the God-vessel does cum, the sperm just ejaculated is not just merely sperm, but the God's light and wisdom. You may wish to collect the sperm as it shoots out of the God-vessel's cock in a chalice or on a charm or doll or whatever else you might be working with. If this is a ceremony of celebration and group renewal, perhaps the priest can catch the sperm in his hand and let each of the celebrants reach in and smear some on their bodies. After the first orgasm, let the ceremony take its own course. The God-Vessel may choose to prophecize. Food and drink may be broken out and shared. Or the first orgasm might be followed by a second, third fourth, and maybe more. In some groups it may be desired that each Celebrant will cum (again, into a chalice or onto whatever charm or material object is being energized. The point of orgasm is very important^ in magic, so it will be helpful if the group invent a chant and intone the sperm is being ejaculated each time. And then, of course, there's the Dismissal of the Powers and the Breatkingj of the Circle. There's no set way this can be done. You'll know when it's time to do so, because each participant should be totally drained by then!] If you choose to make it an evening, then when you awaken in the morning, you'll find the God has departed on His own and the Powers have dissipated of their own volition. You should have a feeling of satiation, but there's still the clean-up. Each and every Celebrant should^ participate in it as sometimes it's the clean-up which is the real Dismiissal loLthe Bowers and Breaking the Circle.

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A few years ago I participated in a “Healing Circle". led by Milo, a man of Native American decent, living in Southern Louisiana. About 20 of us settled down into a circle (with our legs crossed “Indian style"), and watched as this handsome and somewhat shy man carefully lifted his “tools" from their safe place in an old wooden box. In one hand he held a rattle and in the other a cluster o f feathers. Our assignment was simple; sit still and clear our minds. Milo shook the rattle, made some moaning sounds deep in his throat and twitched the feathers over some smoldering sage. I visualized green trees around a rocky creek, when suddenly I heard rattles and a responsive voice behind me. Was Milo “throwing" his voice? What were these other rattle sounds? I relaxed, and 1 heard them again. It sounded like groups of men chanting around a campfire, echoing in a hollow. I imagined ancient spirits being conjured up. When this meditation ended. Milo asked if anyone heard anything. After silence, and at the risk of sounding eccentric, I shared what 1 had heard with the group. Milo looked seriously at me and asked if I meditate. I affirmed that I did, and he added that it is not unusual for one to hear these sounds, especially if one meditates. He didn’t say what it was, and several years passed before I had a similar experience. This next time, I created it myself, with a drum. It was Spring, and a friend who practices a discipline called Subhud had been staying with me for a few months . The central practice of this “religion” is a prayer experience called Latihan, in which one receives the Holy Spirit in great intensity and moves ecstatically in it. He would only do this when he was alone, yet this practice made an impact on the energy of my home (much like yoga or Qikong changes room energy). A vibrancy was created, charged with peace and expectancy. You could feel it when you entered the front door. The day this friend left for Colorado, I purchased a small drum made in Kenya, consisting of black hide over a piece of cardboard tube. I found a wire bowl to hold the drum a few inches above the floor without dulling the sound, and sat down to play it with two short sticks. As I drummed in a locomotive style, that is slow and steady beats, that gradually increase until a comfortable and maintainable tempo is reached, an unusual thing began to happen; reverberations began bouncing around the walls and ceilings, creating “over-tones”. These “over-tones” sounded “other worldly”, much like the sounds I had heard with Milo’s voice and rattle, and could be easily sustained by maintaining a steady pitch, tempo and volume. But beyond this audio experience, an even more bizarre experience happened; As I focused on the “over-tones”, I felt a cone of clarity open above my head. More specifically, it began with a pressure moving in a circular motion around the back of my head; a slight rocking motion in my upper torso; followed by weightless clarity in an inverted lavender triangle coming straight out of my head. It was pure joy, and I asked: “why don’t I do this

I related this experience to my friend in Colorado, and he said it rounded similar to the “opening” an initiate of Subhud experiences. He said I ought to go careful with it. I called a former yoga teacher in New Orleans, a devoted follower of Lazarus, and she said I ought to go back to this “place" to look for doors and ask for the name of my spirit guide. She said 1 could build a relationship of deep trust and love. I now have a small personal world within my meditative head. The point is it all began with the focus of drumming. As a lifelong drummer and music school trained percussionist, drumming is automatic to me; my hands just go. My conscious mind does not interfere with my mind— hand co-ordination. I never doubt anything I play on a drum. I never second guess. I trust whatever 1 invent. Others may achieve this at the piano, on a canvas, knitting, baking, gardening, you name it. Japanese calligraphy is a good example. When our focus is steady and sure, our mind is set free to be exact and powerful. Drumming for this intention I call “Personal Percussion”. It is a catalyst for focus. Here are some suggestions for anyone interested in applying percussion to worship, ritual or meditation: Gather a few items of “Personal Percussion" such as a small tambourine, a rattle, a small drum or a long-ringing bell. Select items quiet enough not to disturb roommates and neighbors. Keep them on your altar. Favor them the way an artist would a good brush. Define a sacred space by “smudging” your home or room with a gently glowing sage bundle. Hold the sage in one hand and a rattle or small tambourine in the other. Outline doors and windows and dark corners. Believe in your intention to improve the spiritual clarity of your environment. Pull energy from your lower abdomen; out and back again. This activates your Qi ('chi' energy). Stretch a little. Assume a meditation posture. Focus your closed eyes into your forehead. Swirl a rattle, beat a drum, observe the frequency of a long bell tone, follow your breath with a hissing sound, observe the sounds, observe the ensuing silence, turn the light around in your lower dan-tien and bring it to your third eye. Allow from several years to several incarnations to master. Don’t wait for expert scientists to explain. Trust your intuition and have fun; it will cultivate your faerie instinct. The world where ancestors dwell and faeries play awaits your love . None of this is new. Faeries, monks and brothers have been practicing it for centuries. Could it be part of our heritage? Though much has been lost, much can be recovered. Invent, participate and cultivate! The gentle power of our unique love is our common bond. It is more spiritual than sexual. It is more powerful than talk-radio. Our beloved Mother Earth is counting on us.

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FRIEND RECENTLY ASKED to see a copy of RFD. I found one and she looked. It didn’t take long for her to set RFD aside saying “I don’t want to see any more.” Seems nearly every page showed, on average, about three phalluses; most of them erect. Reminded me of the time my grandmother wincingly closed a book showing ancient Greek and Roman sculpture: “I know it’s supposed to be real pretty, but why did they have to SHOW SO MUCH.}” An absence of fig leaves seemed at issue. I was somewhat surprised by my friend’s reticence since she is no stranger to the male member. Her next comment, however, fully surprised me: “That’s what people think; that gays are promiscuous.” Extrapolated, her point might translate: People believe gays are obsessed

In tim acy w a rrio r—Sacred In tim ate callin g —a w ond erful co n ce p t, the path I ’ve lead so long.

Been playing w ith m y self, m astu rbatin g , but not co m in g —p ro lo n g in g , exten d in g , the pre-egasm ic energy here—d oing w hat I fear the m ost: be, to u ch , ex cite , be w ith M en o f B ro th e rs — Sin ce saying yes to being here in th is place and tim e , i t ’s begun to u nfold b efo re m e—deep, dark, dam p, w arm , w arm ing, w arm in g—being attend ant to d isco v ery , pleasure revealed.

with sex. I know it’s not true, but those pictures reinforce the misconception.

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y PUTTING MY P EN IS on the lin e o f service to the e ro tic good o f all/ others. K inda self-serv ing w o u ld n ’t ya have to say?? Y E S , Y E S , Y E S , W ell, we already kn ow th at. But I have it as a v ision needed/offered by m any to m any. ' W e ’ll see.

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She implied that by keeping our sex to ourselves the world might see us for the worthy people we are. I could only comment that if there is a problem at all it lies not in us or our sex but in puritanical attitudes. After several days I found myself saying “thank god!” for RFD and like things that celebrate the sexual. And, if gays are indeed perceived as promiscuous, thanks for that too—maybe it shows that the anti-sex veneer encapsulating our culture may be somewhat thinner in us. Even though the marketplace of politics, commerce and religion gluts us with sexual imagery designed to manipulate, everyday individuals are largely expected to disavow themselves as sexual beings. Almost nobody’s free of this veneer, but find a faggot or dyke and you’re likely to feel a distinct and open sexual charge in the air. In our banter and bearing there is often an open conduit to vital forces that many consider taboo. I say thank god, for when we allow our sex to flow freely, besides the fun we have, we are healthier individuals and can fulfill a distinct aspect of service in the world. A gay person’s acknowledgment of sexual being, no matter how slight, is a radical and therefore essential act. It contributes contrasting color to the fabric of life without which the cloth could not be whole. Keeping our sex to ourselves—as my friend recommended—would forsake this opportunity for contribution and thereby disserve all. If there is an out-front sexual openness in us, it also reveals our affinity with mystery. Many of us are sentinels to the unknown, sharing a propensity for bridging the seen and unseen. Sexual expression comprises a tool fundamental for consorting with the mysteries of life. Through the body-music of sex we can find the gateway called orgasm. Whether it is through the spit-and-sizzle of a four minute hand-job; through sinuous hours of coiling with oneself or others; or through days-long ecstasy sustained by little more than(! idea and breath, orgasm merges us with our source. Thin-veneered' sentinels that we are, we celebrate our sex, thus sustaining proximity to the gateway and the homeland to which it leads. As for phalluses in RFD, I only ask why my friend found just three per page. I think we should increase the number of cocks. At least five would not be bad. . .

B eing w ith sexual energy is e v ery th in g — w ond erfu l, frig h ten in g , p laying w ith fire/ flam e. . .

lingam/yoni To diminish the frequency of ejaculation allows increased sensing of the organs in question. Some Easterners believe that every orgasm is a little death—every

WHY, WHY, WHY?

ejaculation a little death— Well, somehow it set in for me, as it didn’t eight years ago, to try these prolonged techniques. Then was too charging to try it. Now, somehow it feels so able, and I’m still letting myself come. But it’s different—I’m more choosing about when I’ll come. Altho, coming's still always a surprise, much as I may think I’m in charge. But the orgasmic levels before, and multiple sensations (a mild new orgasm?) after having already come—have me on the edge of my chair. . . my body—piercing through my frenum, the tag of skin under-side of the dick head—hasn’t (until lately) made the physical sensations any more erotic, but it has opened an erotic door to my mind—the greatest sex organ of them all. Allows my genital sensations to grow more erotic, actually physically more pleasurable. INTENTIONALLY EROTICIZING

to work lately (a twenty minute drive on a four lane highway with beautiful views) and playing with myself. It’s a nice time to get in some pleasuring—being a multi-phasic personality, I like to do several things at once. I’ve had to look at my voices saying, this is perverted, or what if you have an accident?, or what kind of acting-out or compulsion is this?? And other voices that know I have to work at balancing all those anti-sexuals out there.

I'VE BEEN DRIVING

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REATHE. bold the breathe---------- inhale, Relax, send up the energy as release happens— Lower the sensations, focus, and dispel Truths, secrets now to be revealed— Ritualized releasing, recycling—stretching all that I possess— All that I am, the genital gateway—long forgotten, despised, feared, chained—by others, now by myself if I choose—if it comes to me.

T E C H N IQ U E —

Tw o-three strokes that I’ve found helpful for masturbating and prolonging the state of orgasm—preorgasm— O ne is to repeatedly pull up on the cock with the full hand encircling it—one hand after the other. Initially it ’s stim ulatin g, during later stages it reduces the sense of clim ax. A no th er touch that decreases the sense of clim ax is to press the perineum area—the “tain t”—(it taint the asshole, it taint the scrotum ). Actually press is not the right w o rd all kinds of pressures com e into play—rhythm ic jiggling, pushing, ju gglin g—

Eastern techniques of scrotal massage—Tugging on the scrotum. Gently (genially) rolling the balls one by one. Gently rolling the chords between the thumb and fingers. Jumping up and dow n, letting the genitals flop. Doing it in a mirror. Letting yourself drop dow n-flat with a slight thud.

water, have lots of water in the space for this and a representa tional flame— candle and some other physical symbol LIBERAL USE OF LOTION OR OIL IS ENCOURAGED

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HY C A N N O T THE GAP be bridged between body and spirit?? To me lile force energy is Eros energy— aw akening the body is awakening the spirit, and surely it needs to be done in the context of other areas ol stu dy/ development unfolding.

I learned to masturbate from my older (by three years) brother—in my bed—while my two younger brothers (by tw'o and six years) watched. “No, David, it wasn’t a dream you had of your older brothers. It really happened.” My initiation into the world of manly loves: We used to play “milk the cow” in the bathtub, Don, Me, and Dan—on our hands and knees—pulling on each other’s weenies and balls— For being/wanting so much of this manly touch/lover circles—I just bought a massage table and am fixing up room to do the work— Sexing myself and others, that’s the topic. I’m for it, doing it, am it—the space is coming into focus, some hurdles yet but 1 know it’s to happen— Creating a sacred/sexual place—(sacral/sacrad—so close, they must have a similar root w'ord)—what is that like? meant to be?— I see it as the most ordinary place where the most ordinary happens. Where the most EXTRAordinary happens. So—I make it beautiful and common, with touches of light, green plants, simplicity, uncluttered.

PRIMITIVISM AND QUILTING

Steven L. Berg

With little difficulty, it is possible to join what is typically known as primitivism with quilting. Although there are no standard quilting blocks using primitive art forms, such material can be incorporated using embroidery techniques. Recently 1 completed a series o f crazy quilt pieces which used cave paintings as their focal point. To make these blocks, I first had to do research on cave paintings to find designs which would lend themselves well to embroidery. For this type o f sewing, I find it best to select patterns which can be outlined using a back stitch. Some sample designs which I have used in my

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work illustrate this article. After selecting an appropriate design, I piece the crazy quilt block. [Individuals interested in obtaining a copy o f the RFD article I did on how to make a crazy quilt block may write to me for a copy.] Next I transfer the design to the fabric using dressmaker’s tracing paper. This paper can be purchased in most fabric stores. After you have transferred the design, you are able to sew around the outline. If you do not want to buy tracing paper or if the texture o f your fabric is rough, you can use a paper technique for embroidery. Instead o f transferring your design to the fabric, keep it on the original sheet o f paper. Pin the paper directly onto the fabric. Then sew directly through the paper as you stitch your design. When you are finished, carefully rip the paper from the stitches. If you are not interested in crazy quilting, you can sew your design on a square, rectangle, or triangle which would then become part o f a more traditional quilt block.

Namibian Face Painting Used in Clothing Last October I designed an African Overlay for Charles Leake. In designing the embroidery which covered the upper portion o f the piece, I did research on Namibian face painting. The intricate patterns made a fascinating design for the fabric I choose for the piece.

Tattoos Can Inspire Many people who are often referred to as urban aborigines use tattoo designs which can be transferred to fabric using paint or embroidery. I think that the solid black patterns which decorate my friend S cott’s body would be delightful if used in a quilt or on a piece o f clothing. A shirt which was designed to look like Scott’s tattooed arm, shoulder, and back would permit him to have a very arty look by exhibiting his tattoos in places where shirts are required. Another friend, Mark, has a little butterfly on his body. This design could be transferred to a quilted gift for him. Once we decide to move from that which is safe and conventional, we are able to free our creativity. Delightfully modern work can be inspired by and pay tribute to design work from other cultures and traditions.

From a Recent Letter Keith writes that: "1 have read your article in RFD and it was very interesting. .I also make stuff but out o f yarn. I ’ve been crocheting since I was twelve. ” In his letter, Keith asks for help in selling his work. Most places which sell crafts do so on consignment. This means that you are expected to leave your work in the store. After it sells, the shop owner will then write you a check for your share o f the costs. You should expect the store owner to keep anywhere from 30% to 50% o f the sale price o f your finished piece. This means that you would get only $ 5 .0 0 to $ 7 .0 0 on a $1 0 .0 0 item. Visit consignment shops in your area to find one that sells work similar to yours. Then, approach the store owner to show him or her samples o f your items. If your work is taken on consignment, be sure to have a list o f what you have left in the store. Put all other details you have worked out with the store owner in writing. Consignments are a great way to start getting your work out. But there are some pit falls with unscrupulous business owners, delayed payments, damaged and stolen pieces, and having to wait to be paid until after the store owner sells your work. Steven L. Berg 675 Oyster Road Rose City. MI 48654

0 1995 B ack porch Press

V y/ N C

K0AN by Fr a n k li n Abbott my f ac e b ef or e my b i r t h was h a l f my f a t h e r ' s f ac e looking back i n t o eternity the ha l f- hi m t h a t was me fought c o u n t l e s s wars loved myriad women s i r e d a thousand sons a thousand daughters I am the end of a l l t h a t I am f r u i t r i pe ni ng with no seed t o p la nt no progeny t o o f f e r a crowded world my g i f t i s who I am o u t s i d e of h i s t o r y f a c i n g time d i s s o l v i n g in an e v e r - p r e s e n t moment with g e n t l e men whose loving knows no purpose but t o kindle in our h e a r t s the q u i e t l i g h t of peace

A SPIRIT HAP

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Our ancestors (no matter where we come from I appears), used symbols o f the sacred and the every day world to map out there journeys Between the Worlds. It is said that a Wise Person could give such a map to one o f their peers, and expect them to go the exact same site in the Spirit Lands. There are also hints that an apprentice had to be able to meet their teachers by following a spirit map, to a specific sac i site in the Other Lands in order to graduate. I and two o f my art partners have been actively researching this lost cartography for some years now. Before Alan dies, he and I had just begun to come to a few agreements o f what symbols could possibly mean. It was Alan who found and brought the spiral human hand to this project. He still comes to me in dreams to encourage me to work on. He often tells me, "it's time to remember to recreate these lost skills. It will lead to such fun!" Philip and I worked on a large project in Minneapolis Last summer (94), built around spirit maps (Spirit maps> A learning Project). People got it. They were able to follow, though roughly, the spirit journeys o f HI Vers through their youth on until some PWA took their ride in the Moon Boat to the Spirit Lands.

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I also did two experimental work shops based on the symbology o f spirit maps with mixed results. One bit o f interesting information we received, was that the spirit mapping is also the cartography o f Dream Time. Obvious as the air we breath. I know, but we had never though o f the connection before. Thankfully it seems, that it is all o f us who must participate in this project. It will take each o f us to bring, discover, create, etc., symbols and to check out their spiritual, emotional, cultural, etc., consistency in each o f our won worlds. Heedless to say, I am very encouraged fcy the successes we have so afar seen. It strengthens my determination to continue in the exploration o f sacred mapping. At this time we have tentatively identified just over forty symbols. Yes, I do realize that this project is an on going journey. I do not expect to live to see a fully comprehensive alphabet/ symbology, but I do suspect that when I come back in a couple o f time times or so, a functional spirit map cartography will be a common part o f a civilized education. I would love to hear what other have to say about this whole concept. Write me. Better yet, join in on the fun. What not make a map o f your next trance journey, dream or evening o f amazing sex?

Photo by Peter Lien Eris. Blessed Be, It has been a glorious spring here in the south. It came early with no late freezes. The fruit trees are loaded with maturing fruit and I had my garden all in before the full moon of April. It's doing wonderful this year. I hope yours is too! July gets off to a good start with the moon conjuncting Mars on the evening of the 3rd. The actual conjunction takes place at 9:34 PM EDT. There might still be too much light to see it. You'd see the waxing crescent new moon, but not Mars until the light fades more. The moon will be below Mars. The evening of the 9th the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. It will be above and left of Jupiter. The evening of the 16th and early morning of the 17th the waning moon will be conjuncting Saturn. The early morning of the 20th there will be a conjunction of Mercury and Venus. For those of you in the Pacific the actual conjunction is at 5:19 AM HALDT. Mercury will be the small star just above the very bright Venus. Hopefully this won't be too close to the sun and get washed out. August gets off to the same start as July with the moon conjuncting Mars. The crescent moon will be below and left of Mars. A few days later on the evening of the 5th the moon will be conjuncting Jupiter. For those of you in Europe, the actual conjunction takes place at 8:33 PM GMT. For those of us in the states, the moon will be above and left of Jupiter. The early morning of the 13th you'll get to see the waning full moon conjuncting Saturn. The actual con junction takes place at 3:20 AM EDT. The moon will be above Saturn. The evening of the 27th the crescent new moon will be conjuncting Mercu ry. Since the moon will set 44 minutes after the sun, you'll have to look quick to see this one. The moon will be below Mercury. If you miss it, you'll get to see it the next night only the moon will have moved up above Mercury. For those of you in the Pacific, the actual conjunction on the 27th is at 7:07 PM HALDT, just a few minutes before sundown. The evening of the 28th you'll have, at dusk, Mercury just above the horizon, the moon above it, Mars above the moon, and Jupiter above all of them. What a neat line up

of planets on a warm evening. Needless to say,the evening of the 29th, the moon will be' conjuncting Mars. The actual conjunction will be at 8:26 PM PDT for those of you out on the coast. Should be a very close conjunction.. September gets off to a start with the moon conjuncting Jupiter on the evening of the 1st. For those of you on the west coast the actual conjunction will be at 9:46 PM PDT. The moon will be above Jupiter. The evening of the 9th the moon will be conjuncting Saturn. It will be above and left of Saturn. Since this is the night after the full moon, hopefully the moon won't be so bright as to wash out Saturn. The evening of the 27th, the moon will be conjuncting Mars. The moon will be above and left of Mars. For those of you in Europe the actual conjunction will be at 7:01 PM GMT. The early morning of the 29th we'll get to see Mercury conjuncting Venus again for the second time this quarter. Mercury1 will be below, bright Venus to its right. That same evening the moon will be conjuncting Jupi ter. It will be above and left of Jupiter. m

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Charles Spencer Holt innkeeper of Charleston Beach Bed and Breakfast of Folly Beach. South Carolina passed from this life due to complications related to the AIDS virus. He brought his special abilities to the task of making a home out of a business and created something special in the process for the gay community. He is survived by his mother, Ruth Holt of Riverside, CA; a sister, Lilian H. Neal of Fortuna, CA; and his partner of sixteen years, Stephen W. Cagle of Folly Beach, SC. Memorials may be made to the Lowcountry AIDS Services, PO Box 207, Charleston. SC 29402 The R F D C ollective w ishes to con vey o u r condolences to S teph en W e'v e been h on ored to share C h a rles' "lifeh o m e-b u sin ess" with ou r readers fo r severa l yea rs and we tru st h is legacy o f g a y hospitality w ill su rvive and th rive at F o lly Beach.

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HOMOEROTIC KOKOPELLI, Linoleum Block Print, by Joe Lembo, New Mexico, 1995. The Kokopelli (or Humpbacked Fluteplayer) is found all over the Southwestern United States, carved into rocks as petroglyphs left by our ancient ancestors. He is very much like the European, Pan - a playful horned god, a fertility symbol, playing a flute. Here I have recreated him to become part of our Gay Mythology and loving brotherhood.

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V A L E R IA

: A

Not long ago, in a city not far from here, Atrium, a queer techno* v punk, tired o f his life of bars, clubs, men's weekends, drugs, piercings, and rather unexciting sex, decided to begin a quest for a more primitive communal experience. T m heading for Phalladocia to hang out with the Wise One and learn about living in community." His friends laughed and asked for a phone number they could use to reach him if he disappeared too long. Some of his friends gave him crystals and other talismans to protect him from the unknown. "I have nothing to fear. There are many faerie houses along the way. I'll find the Wise One quickly, learn my lessons and settle down in the country with some other queers. As soon as I can I'll have my friends come to visit." Deep in a distant, dark and chilly cave, tired eyes flickered at the dream image of a young stranger, a visitor, a searcher of life’s deeper meanings. The sleepy face of an ivy-leaque educated, ex-hippie flower child awakened, concern knitting his brow. "Oh, Goddess! Another initiate is on the way. I d better get this place in shape." Later, with cave and hearth tidy and presentable, the Wise One donned a festive gender bending ensemble and sat down to wait for the young traveler. Phalladocia had an aura of mystery from the moment Atrium arrived. He had traveled many ridges and streams learning the ways of the w(K>ds. The few fellow travelers he encountered were helpful, generally good-natured companions, and being queer, shared an interest in rural communal living, and an unspoken yearning for deeper spiritual experiences. Most had no destination and thought Phalladocia would be a totally perfect place to visit, perhaps to settle. "I have only three requests of anyone who chooses to travel with me. First, to speak what is on your mind when it is on your mind. Second, to listen. There is much to be gained from not always talking. And third, to really be focused only when absolutely necessary. It's not healthy to take things too seriously. If you respect these conditions our travels will be fruitful, each of us learning new things from each other." All agreed and their journey began. The sun had just begun to break across the pre-dawn sky as the Wise One stirred from his meditative trance. The air was cool, the song of birds in conflict with the misty silence. In his mind's eye the Wise One saw the band o f queers making their way through the forest. He collected cool drinking water for comfry tea, set out his best dishes, and pinched his cheeks for a dash of color. "One never knows what sweet energy and gentle spirit these courageous young queers will share with me. Perhaps what I lack in wisdom I will make up for in hospitality." His leather pouch and pipe were set conspicuously on the rocky mantle of his abode. Just before midday the entrance to the cave was darkened by shadows. Atrium and his friends had found their way. "Now I will get the answer to my question. Now I will find the meaning of living in a primitive community." Atrium's hope did not go unnoticed by the Wise One. "You come with deep and difficult questions, Young One. Come in! Have some refreshment, enjoy a smoke, we'll talk." Atrium stepped out of the daylight. There was a strange luminescence oddly chilling in the near subterranean space. After his eyes adjusted he realized the unusual light emanated from around the Wise One himself. It was an aura and a very powerful one at that. Atrium was very pleased. From one full moon to the next Atrium and his friends stayed with the Wise One. Tissue, a traveling companion, documented everything the Wise One said. His hope was to someday publish a quarterly country journal for queers everywhere. Moped, the biggest and strongest of Atrium's companions learned everything he could about building country houses. He and Antler spent many days building a straw-bale summer kitchen for the Wise One. Artifice, known as Clown, was a quick study in herbology and gardening. Everyone's bowels confirmed the benefits of a healthy cuisine. Stick, a strapping and hearty youth, learned about trees, flowers, birds, bugs, animals and water management. His friendly demeanor was exceeded only by his enveloping tenderness. The most playful of the bunch was Bravado. His habit of nuzzling up (especially at night) was at first the cause for some dispute. But after a few weeks everyone learned to enjoy his attentions no matter to whom they were directed. For Atrium himself the month was the most rewarding he'd had in many years. The Wise One had taught him so many things about people, and the land, He knew now about tools, soils, plants, weather, bugs, macrobiotic menus, water testing and wood gathering. All the practical knowledge he could cram into his head. Now it was time to learn a few less obvious, more challenging aspects of community life. "You need to learn about consensus decision making, hearts circles, letting go of fears, and list making," the Wise One told him one morning. "You can only leam these things first hand. Take your little band and head for the hollows! Winter's to be here before you know it. I have no more to teach you here." The young queers got dolled up, shared some tea and a smoke with the Wise One, and set off to found their new community, Valeria, in Phalladocia. It wasn't long before Atrium and his friends found the perfect

F A B L E

”T>(v\ acreage on which to start their new community. With Winter everything about the place came together. Enough firewood for two winters stood in neat cords adjacent the house. The pantry was full of canned goods, emergency water, and brown rice. The queers of Valeria hosted the Winter Solstice party for the neighborhood queers, pulled off a queer artists retreat and managed to raise some money towards the purchase of the land they leased month to month. By the time Spring crawled over the ridges the queers of Valeria considered themselves "old hands" at community living. Atrium was very pleased while the Wise One (who was called Meridian by some Phalladocians) became a regular attraction at Valeria. After a year's time or so, Valeria had grown in many ways. To some Phalladocians it was a fine model of a viable alternative way of life. The faeries o f Valeria demonstrated resourcefulness, creativity, industriousness, and many other attributes long valued by intentional communities. For Atrium and his new "family" all o f these good things came with no little work. Weekly meetings for planning, heart circles, group work and play projects, and lots of one-on-one dialogue fostered solid growth on many levels. A small but profitable business developed making ailanthus paper by hand. The ingenuity of the faeries drew buyers from all around. Valeria was recognized too for it's ample and very organic vegetable and herb gardens. In the area o f the Arts, Valeria was again exemplary. The annual gathering of artists now attracted attention from all over Phalladocia. Atrium was most certainly pleased and proud of his community. Yet there seemed to be a stronger and stronger sense of foreboding about the future. So, he decided to visit Meridian for advise. Pewter skies held bags full of white-edged clouds over a late Fall morning as Atrium was greeted by Meridian’s warm embrace. "My sweet m an ," Meridian whispered, "what is it that brings this troubled look to your face?" "I am perplexed," said Atrium softly. "So many things go so well while so many things seem to be going wrong. Our gardens, our papermaking, all our projects have been a great blessing. The land the creeks, the woods; all are flourishing and enrich our daily lives. All that's fine. It's the faeries I'm worried about. Our relationships are strained, our conversation being either brief and only as necessary or long and confusing. We can't agree on anything. I'm beginning to wonder if we’ve come together to create community or in spite o f it. Everyone seems to be looking out for him/her self. A few of them have packed up and left. Valeria is thought of as a place for people to hang out when not traveling. The idea of being involved is looked at by some as simply paying rent. Others want rules laid down and sign up sheets. They look at involvement as being held accountable, as doing what you say you're going to do. For some change is synonymous with growth. For others it is a disruptive deterrent to growth." Atrium paused and glanced embarrassed into Meridian's face. There was little or no reaction to be discerned there. The tranquillity radiating from the form seated before him came from another place all together. As if he had a second spirit. Some other source of wisdom Atrium had yet to experience. His frustration mounted all the more. "And another thing, " he blurted out. "I am exhausted by this spirituality bullshit. We all agree our spiritual energy is strong and appealing. What we can't agree on is if it need be any more than what each person brings to the circle. Nothing seems to make everyone happy. Now it seems as though our lack of a firm spiritual center is being used as an argument for why people can't get along. I'll tell you why people can't get along. It's because... it's ...well, hell I don't know. That's why I've come. Tell me what to do, Meridian! Meridian?" The wise one only looked as if he'd stepped out for a breath of fresh air. He had in fact heard everything Atrium said, indeed more than he’d expected. After all. Atrium had been about the business o f Valeria for little less than a few years. And look how far they'd come. "My dear Atrium," Meridian whispered in a softer, sweeter voice than Atrium ever heard, a voice from some other side of this wise man's spirit. "Some time ago you came here to discover the meaning of primitive living. You learned quickly the practical skills needed to start Valeria, a place you can certainly be proud of. To it you brought people, people of whom you asked only three things. People whom you thought could bear up under the test of living together. The place, the people, and now the experience of living this way has become part of you. Valeria is what you've made it to be. Not you alone, but all of you together." This line of talk was getting a little thick, and from the glazed look in Atrium's eyes. Meridian decided to take another approach. "Hey, if some people want to move away, let them. If they're not happy with what you've created they shouldn't be there. Maybe not yet anyway. If people aren’t talking to one another, the reasons are probably more complicated than your involvement could change. Minding one's own business in community means minding one another's business in the best possible way--bv nurturing one another. If people don't want to be engaged in the work, than ask them what it is they are doing to nurture its growth. If the answer doesn’t meet your criteria, it doesn't mean the question is wrong.

Give people room to make mistakes. What's important is that they've given it a shot. It all comes down to being willing and able to live in community. If willingness is weak, no amount of ability is going to be the impetus for change. Being able to grow doesn't happen without a willingness to change." "And what about the spirituality thing?". Atrium snapped. Doesn't that play a major role in all of this? Doesn't the fact that we argue about it all the time signal even deeper problems?" "Nope! Not to my way of thinking." Meridian replied in earnest. "You are your own spirituality. How you live, the values and beliefs you demonstrate are evidence enough of a deep connection with the goddess, the earth, and I suppose a greater universal energy . That you talk about it all the time says to me that the experience is still being defined. I’d be more concerned if you weren't talking about it." "That makes sense, but what about the notion of returning to the primitive experience? Do I have to go off by myself to find the primitive life?" "Perhaps, but consider this. If primitive refers to placing value on elemental human experience, then the most powerful appreciation o f that comes not by simply participating in rituals or customs, or the offerings of other cultures. The full force o f the primitive experience comes from deep human relationships. In these you’ll find the characteristics of the primitive (fear, submission, rejection, bonding, personal power, and so on). Living in community provides these things and more in spades. No amount of piercing, smudging, incensing, chanting or invoking is going to change the basic dynamic between people. Oh, it may create a sense of common experience, but even without it, we still experience each other one on one. You wanted primitive? You got it!" In some ways the hollows and ridges of Valeria appeared to Atrium as softer, warmer, and more tranquil than they had in months. His return from Meridian's cave had been filled with deep thoughts, high emotions, and even dread. The community awaited his return anticipating insight, clear direction, and even new-found hope. What he brought instead was simply himself. He still had deep concerns, but now with an even deeper sense with confidence, patience, and commitment. What he’d known all along (and had somehow forgotten) were the very things he'd asked of his fellow travelers so many months before: speak what's on your mind when it’s on your mind, listen more than you talk, and be focused only when absolutely necessary. Having reflected on these things. Atrium sat back, smoked his pipe, and pondered how- to keep the positive energy of Valeria flowing now, even in the face of his greatest fear, AIDS. FINIS

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The Wolf Creek Radical Faerie sanctuary represents the birthing o f a vision shared by many West Coast Faeries who were active at the start of our movement. As an outgmwth of Harry Hay and John Burnside’s Gay Vision Circle, West Coast pioneers began meeting over twelve years ago to discuss purchasing land for gatherings and sanctuary. After be ginning a land search, they founded the consensus-based gay men’s Nomenus organization to "create, preserve and manage places of cultural/spiritual sanctuary for radical faeries and their friends to gather in harmony with nature for renewal, growth and shared learning.’’ In 1985, building upon the spiritual principles which underlie the faerie vision, Nomenus began to petition the IRS tor recognition as a nonpmfit, tax-exempt 501 (c) (3) religious organization. Energized by a core group of dedicated, often self-sacrificing San Francisco faeries, many of whom are now dead from AIDS, Nomenus considered many parcels of land, none of them ideal. After much frustration, a San Francisco November 9, 1986 meeting of about 60 faeries consensed with some hesi tation to purchase beautiful 80 acre Magdalen Farm, a good 7-8 hours north of SF in Wolf Creek, Oregon. During the same period of time. Nomenus' original application to the IRS was denied because the agency claimed that Nomenus was not a Church but simply an organization promoting homosexuality. Nomenus appealed, presenting the IRS with what amounted to a massive tome of ir refutable arguments and evidence. When the IRS finally granted Nomenus its 501 (c) (3) tax-exempt status in April 1987, fundraising efforts to buy the land received a great boost. In June o f 1987, large numbers of genuinely exultant faeries gathered for an incredibly high historic Homecoming Gathering on our land. By 1991 the sanctuary was paid off and ours for the playing, and a commitment was made to develop the land in ways harmonious with nature and the needs of the ever-changing faerie community. A Wolf Creek gathering tradition soon began, consisting of an in formal winter solstice get-together, the annual Beltane Tinkerbell May Day gathering, a large summer gathering (called Faeriestock in 1991199.3). and the smaller intensive Harry Hay/John Burnside Daisy Chain Sex Magick Workshop. In addition, rituals were held on Full Moons, Solstices and Equinoxes. In between, scores of faeries visited for periods ranging from overnight to months at a time.

A Place fo r© /^ * f a e r i e s Our land exists first and foremost as a place for gatherings and sanctuary. A true experiment in the "faerie way," it is collectively owned by Nomenus and operated totally by consensus. All faeries who sign a Nomenus membership form and agree to actively support the sanctuary become the Nomenus corporation's directors and decision-makers. Officers (e.g. Treasurer) serve on a voluntary basis and have no more power than any other member. A "no one turned away for lack of funds" policy remains at the core of all we do. The sanctuary consists of a large open meadow surrounded by wooded camping areas, magical hills and mountains. Beautiful Wolf Creek in which we lounge and swim borders our land, and features an on site swimming hole and nearby sweat lodge. Buildings include a large, partially enclosed "bam," a unique and rotting structure needing replace ment which is currently used during gatherings for cooking, dining, and small groups; the centralized "Garden House"; a small non-electrified "Deer House" deep in the woods which is perfect for a retreat; and 3 per manent structures plus a portable yurt used for residence. Several shifters, a communal warm-weather solar-heated outdoor shower, gardeas, flower beds, and a centralized massive fire pit spice up the landscape. Summers are hot in the tiny town of Wolf Creek, winters cold and wet, with late spring through fall ideal for gatherings. The sanctuary is a men* 4.5 miles off Interstate 5. Easily accessible, it is located within driving distance of most of the vast natural resources o f the region. The closest cities to Wolf Creek are Grants Pass (20 minutes south) and Eugene (2 hours north). The sanctuary's distance from urban centers may in fact be a blessing, allowing for more intensive gatherings without the weekend vacation resort, everything is done for you, commuter atmo sphere that has oft been criticized as not serving our long-range faerie vision. Nonetheless, a Jacuzzi, sauna, and swimming pool are in harmony with our long range plans and remain but a few thousand contributions away. ^

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Visiting the sanctuary is as simple as calling in advance and checking your plans out with a resident. There is ample space for camp ing, and cozy Garden House is available for heated indoor communal bunking and cooking. The residents' household fund requests $5/day to cover food/supplies, and Nomenus asks for another $5-10/day. While no one is turned away for lack of funds, we depend on those who do have funds to supply them for food, propane, utilities and other operating ex penses so that Nomenus' treasury is not depleted and the sanctuary may continue to survive.

j t h e 'p re s e n t Many land improvements have taken place since 1987. We have installed a bridge (oops, see below) to allow year-round vehicle access, a well to provide us with ample pure water, and an as yet unconnected septic tank to insure that only the appropriate water runs where it should. Garden House, one o f the few structures that existed on the land before our purchase, has been weatherproofed and set aside to serve as a pet-free, communal dining area and visitor shelter between-gatherings. It features a kitchen and piano, an indoor pa>pane-fed hot water bath/shower for cold weather and health-compromised individuals, and a highly energyefficient wood heating stove. Several resident's structures have also been created. Our building committee is currently finalizing plans for an all purpose year-round lodge/gathering facility which will include an indoor circling/gathering space, kitchen/snack area, infirmary with resting spaces for the ill, bathroom with ample indoor/outdoor showers, and that most sacred of all faerie spaces, a multi-minured make-up mom. A site plan and master plan are in the works. Nomenus currently faces the imposing legal challenge o f securing a permit for the sanctuary as a "Forest Campground "which can legally host "mass" gatherings. The law mandates this, the health department demands it, and our vision of the future warrants it. Approval is not a given, and many costly land improvements may be required to bring us up to code. The outcome of this process will determine the sanctuary's future. Meanwhile, we can legally hold mass gatherings this summer. Because any gathering plans will undoubtedly gel too late for inclusion in this issue of RFD. please call San Francisco Tele-Faerie (415) 626-3369 or the sanctuary itself (503) 866-2678 for information. If you get on the Holy Faerie Database (see below) and be sure to update your listing with address changes, you will get mailings for future gatherings in Wolf Creek and California.

Too M u e ) P l V a t ( r 1 4

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As you can imagine in such an experiment. Wolf Creek and its or ganizers have experienced enough controversy and dish to foul up any stream. But early this year, our divine Mother Nature raised her voice louder than any drama queen I have ever experienced On January 9. Wolf Creek rose to a 20 year record of 18 feet, car rying away our $14,150.58 vehicular bridge plus our ancient footbridge. The absence o f bridges means that our residents and visitors must do with a pulley system or a very long walk to a railroad trestle in order to trans port things and humans across the creek without getting wet. Until we rebuild the bridge, we will only be able to drive onto the land June 15Sept. 15 when the creek is low. Just at a time when we are entering poten tially costly legal negotiations for our necessary permit and making plans for our lodge, we are facing an unforeseen expenditure of an additional $7,000-10,000. Either we will meet these challenges or plans for a viable sanctuary in Wolf Creek will go the way of our bridge.

a n d Y is iio / v s Nomemis has taken many steps toward creating a small core of residents whose primary focus is to serve the larger faerie community. Our first sanctuary resident, the beloved Oskrr, began to call the Thea*sa cabin his home in September o f 1989 His ground-breaking and subse quent death have paved the way for a succession of a small number of residents, some of whom found themselves cut out for the rigors of Oregon winters and faerie storms, and still others who departed suddenly for reasons never clearly articulated. Our current mster includes four residents. In general well-suited to the realities of "you never know" sanctuary life, they have attracted a whole new body of younger faerie visitors who feel at home in the beauty of Wolf Creek. W'e are open to new applications for residency and con sider them at our twice yearly Great Circles. W'e also have many supportive faerie and heterosexual neighbors who comprise out extended community. While over the course of our history some nearby faeries have occasionally been known as the "Bastard Children of Nomenus," these indispensable (and in their worst moments, seemingly indisposable) feys have always been available to lend a helping hand, at times heaped with ample quantities of unsolicited criticism. Our neighbors forever hold up the mirror in which every Queen committed to internal growth would be wise to gaze on a daily basis.

Nomenus members manage the sanctuary by means of monthly Coordinating Council (CoCo) meetings in San Francisco and Wolf Creek; various and sundry committees, and the grace of the Goddess. People who have remained active over the years have gotten to know each other and have developed much understanding and trust. All Nomenus members have a say in the consensus process. Nomenus membership, though free, requires a commitment to consensus decision-making and to supporting Nomenus’ goals by actively involving oneself in sanctuary building and maintenance. We very much need more volunteers and financial contributors dedicated to sanctuary-building. Please contact us for a membership form with complete information.

Garden House

NQMENUS MEMBERSHIP (condensed version)

Nomenus exists to create,preserve andmanagepiaces o f cultural/spiritualsanctuary where radicalfaeries and theirfriends can gather in harmony with nature for renewal, growth and shared learning In order for the consensus-based Nomenus organization to secure federal recognition as a tax-deductible, non-profit 501 (c) (3) religious organization, we legally structured ourselves as a "corporation'' composed of member/directors and officers. A member/ director of Nomenus is any person who signs and returns to us a membership form agreeing both to the above Nomenus statement of purpose and to 'involve themselves a ctivelyin the implementation of the corporation's goals and purposes through the consensus decision-making process." All Nomenus members are directors of the corporation, and can make policy; manage the temporal activities, business, and affairs of the corporation; and exercise all corporate powers All members who wish to read the mostly monthly Nomenus Hacidis/vp\xc1ication shall receive it We request a $213 donation to cover costs, but no one will be denied for lack of funds. Membership needs to be renewed yearly In order to become and remain a member, it is now requested that one “actively participate in the consensus decision making process" in one or more of the following ways: 1 Donate a needed service. Examples include working at the Sanctuary, providing fundraising consultation, writing and graphic arts The possibilities are not limited to these examples alone. 2 Contribute financially 3 Work on a committee 4 Participate in the monthly decision-making Nomenus Coordinating Councils which currently meet in San Francisco, Wolf Creek, and Seattle, or start a Coordinating Council in another location (CoCos usually meet 7 PM the last Sunday of the month CoCos communicate with each other re agendas/ decisions) 5 Attend all or part of the 3-day semi-annual major decision making Great Circles which alternate between WC In the spnng and a host city in the fall 6 Tell us what you w>ant to do to actively participate as a Nomenus member We need and welcome you as a member of Nomenus Mease circle at least one of the above numbered items If you’ve circled #6, or wish to share with us a project that you'd like to initiate for Nomenus, please include that information on a separate sheet of paper Mease sign below and return to: Nomenus, PO Box 312, Wolf Creek, OK 97497

I agree with Nom enus 'statement ofpurpose and intend to activelyparticipate in building andmaintaining the consensus based Nomenus faerie sanctuary as indicated on this form

Name (Signature)

Mailing address including city, state, zip

Name

(Printed)

Phone

Date

Raddi\h is the mostly monthly membership publication of Nomenus, going to all members and donors who request it. Each issue contains minutes from the monthly San Francisco and Wolf Creek Coordinating Council meetings, committee reports and reports from the land, items o f interest to the faerie community, notes about future agenda items, and an open Discussion Bulletin. Semi-annually it contains com plete minutes from the decision-making Great Circles. It is far more business-oriented than RFD and quite sanctuary specific. Information on how to receive it may be found on the enclosed form. T ic

a n d f t o l y T sen e

There are two West Coast databases which Nomenus frequently accesses for communications purposes. Both are well on the way to re covering from the near-fatal crashes that they sustained in 1994. The Nomenus database holds records of all Nomenus members, regular pledge givers, occasional contributors, and those who write ex pressing interest in the sanctuary. Filling out and returning the enclosed Membership and/or Response forms will enable you to get on the Nomenus database and support our grand experiment in sanctuary by consensus. The separate Holy Faerie Database enables Nomenus and Wolf Creek/CA gathering organizers to send out gathering calls and other in formation Entries in the Holy Faerie Database will now he categorized into three levels which are enumerated on our all-purpose response form. Faeries already on the HFD will be listed in Level A until they request re classification. If you once attended a West Coast gathering but did not re ceive the green '94 winter solstice letter mailed from the sanctuary, you are no longer on the Holy Faerie Database. It's time to get back in touch so you can find out what's happening out here. To contact the Holy Faerie Database with name, faerie name, ad dress, phone, and E-mail changes, please write The Holy Faerie Database, PO Box 426732, San Francisco, CA 94142 (Note: Listing in the HFD will not get you on the Northwest Faerie Database used by Breitenbush and American Ridge gathering organizers. Someday all faerie databases may be linked for purposes of mutual updating and cooperation, but not yet. One step at a time).

The Wolf Creek sanctuary is a beautiful, serene place, still in its in fancy. which is developing all the time. It is ours and will remain ours only if more faeries contribute to its upkeep and expansion. Our co-treasurers project that without a new infusion o f funds and energy, our financial resources will be depleted by the end of 1995. Regular financial pledges are a key way to keep the sanctuary on the map. One-time donations, including computer and vehicle donations, are also needed. All contributions are fully tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. You need not be a member in order to donate. Though we're never thrilled when we remind ourselves o f this, for the last few years our Treasury has sustained itself only because some blessed faeries have mentioned us in their wills. Please consider doing this. (Bequests without strings attached are essential. Asking us to bury your body on the land as a contingency for receipt of your gift will only result in a huge legal and moral hassle because it is forbidden by Oregon law). The seeds that have risen from the many faerie ashes scattered on the land are nourishing the future. You are welcome to visit the sanctuary and immerse yourself in the beauty of Wolf Creek. Just call ahead and make arrangements with a resident. Come feel the collective magickal healing energy of the thou sands of faeries who have come before you and find out why, to so many. Wolf Creek has become a spiritual home. Contact: Nomenus, PO Box 312, Wolf Creek, OR 97497. (503) 866-2678.

My thanks to Drakkon, Lichen, Jerry, Joey ami Gary for their loving feed back.

YES! 1 want to help support the Wolf Creek Radical Faerie Sanctuary. ____ I would like to make a regular tax-deductible pledge to Nomenus in the amount of $__________. which I will send in ____ monthly_____ quarterly____ semi-annually _____ yearly. My first pledge is enclosed for the period o f ___________________________________ . ____ Enclosed is a one-time tax-deductible contribution of $__________. ____ Please apply my pledge/contribution to the Nomenus ____ Unrestricted fund _____ Building fund _____ Rebuild the Bridge fund [The Unrestricted fund pays for all Nomenus general operating expenses. These include mailings, utilities, taxes, supplies, repairs, maintenance, legal fees, and a whole lot more]. Nomenus is a 501 (c) (3) tax-exempt organization. All donations are tax-deductible to the extent allowed by law. Contributors will receive acknowledgment, a new donor form and mailing envelope. Please address any questions, concerns, or suggestions regarding donations and pledges to your Corresponding Secretary c/o Nomenus. ____ I would like to receive RADDISH, the mostly monthly Nomenus publication which features CoCo and Great Circle minutes; committee, officer and residents' reports, sanctuary info., and a discussion bulletin. I enclose a separate contribution of $______ to pay for 12 issues o f RADDISH production and postage. [It costs upwards of $20 to mail 12 issues of RADDISH. Donations above this amount help send RADDISH to those who lack funds to donate. No one is denied RADDISH for lack of funds. The Holy f aerie D atabase-A Separate but Decidedly Sisterly Faerie Database The HFD may be contacted directly at HFD, PO Box 426732, San Francisco, CA 94142 I wish to included in the Holy Faerie Database under____ Level A: CA and Wolf Creek Gathering calls (maybe other areas as well), faerierelated events, and all sanctuary-related mailings other than Raddish\____ Level B: Gathering calls and faerie-related events o n ly ;_____ Level C: Gathering calls only. ____ 1 wish only to receive Nomenus sanctuary-related mailings. Please do not list me in the HFD._________________________________________________ Name/Faerie Name Address City, State, Z i p ___________________________________________________________________________________________ Phone (day) ______________________ (e v e )___________________________E-Mail ______________________________ __________________ Make checks out to N om enus and mail tq: N om enus PO Box 312 Wolf Creek, OR 97497 (503) 866 2678 - 6 4 -

BROTHERS

BEHIHD

BURS

POB

215

MAURY

28554-0215

HORACE BEN BEACH 45 I am seeking someone for correspondence GSP

H COl

REIDSVILLE

30453

GRADY HOYLE QUEEN EF188024 W 31 6'1 225 br bu hairy, hung thick, divorced farther of two, seeking relationship with special someone, from Nt Ga M ts ., love country living, weights, sketching, will ans. ail sincere responses. MCI

POB

448

MAYO

32066

JAMES LONG 344376^0 W 21 br bu muscular, out in late '95, interests- C/W muse, movies and a lot of time at home. I live in Orlando but willing to relocate for the right person Looking for a feminine male 18-28 for pen pal and hopefully more. UCI

POB

221 RAIFORD

32083-2201

ANDRE GRIFFON 069326 MM 38 20 172 B 32 6*7 195 br I'm in search of meeting a friend or lover, I'm lonely and in desperate need of someone to correspond with. I'm very understanding, considerate and open-minded, gay for 3 years, disease and drug free. I've bunches of loving to offer with a beautiful heart. WILLY JOHNSON B-421679 K-6 5'10 bronze complexion, seeking a sincere friendship and possibly more, I know relationships don't happen over night, lets try my friend, call me Chunky, I believe in everything .hope to hear from you. TODD MENDYK 109550 A1/45 Bi dominant who would like to correspond with submissive, who are into S/M, B/D, and kinky fetish fantasies in general. CHRISTIAN SLUDER A-800588 W 28 br bu Taurus, bom 5-1-66, seeks tender hearted person to be the star I'm looking for, released 1996, hurry my time is shod.

SUGGESTIONS AND GUIDELINES TO RESPONDING TO PEN PAL ADDS. The pu rp o se o f the pen pal lis tin g is to o ffe r the co m m unity at-large the o p p o rtu n ity to relieve the pa in and lo n e lin e s s th a t m ost inm ates endure. RFD assum es no re s p o n s ib ility fo r claim s made in these B ro th e rs B ehind B ars lis tin g s , and we urge all re s p o n d e n ts to e xe rcise c a u tio n , e s p e cia lly w ith any fin a n cia l d e a lin g s . Inm ates can s u b m it th e ir ‘ a d s ’ as s h o rt as po ssib le, (30 w o rd s o r less to RFD, PO Box 68, L ib e rty , TN 37095. The c o o rd in a to r re serves the rig h t to e d it ads a cco rd in g to his ju d g m e n t. O ver the last several issues the num ber o f pen pal adds has increased dra m a tica lly . In o rd e r to m a in tain the same space the RFD c o lle c tiv e agreed on several ideas. F i r s t l y , to lim it the num ber o f adds to u n der one hundred, and try to in clud e ph otos. S e c o n d l y , not to repeat adds. Thirdly, the co m m u n ic a tio n sent to us w ould indica te that the p riso n e r w as gay o r bi, and genuine in seeking co rre sp o n d e n ce as a pen pal. L a s t l y , u n p u b lish e d adds w o n 't be re tu rn e d . We w elcom e re sponse s on these p o lic y changes from all readers, b o th p ris o n e rs and n o n -p ris o n e rs . For the sake o f saving p rin te d space, inm a tes' ad dresses are g ive n once per fa c ility . N otes: Inm ates are listed in Zip Code o rd e r w ith in the same Zip Code. A ll inm ates are s u p p o s e d to be gay u n le s s s p e c ifie d o th e rw is e . B i^b is e x u a l, W w hite. B = black. N A =native A m e rica n , A = A sia n, H = hispa nic, P R =Puerto Rican / age in ye a rs/ h e ig h t/ w e ig h t in p o u n d s / c o lo r o f h a ir/ c o lo r o f eyes: ab= aubu rn, bd = blond . bk~ b la ck, b r-b ro w n . bu blue, g n -g re e n , hz=hazel, rd = re d , g y = g ra y , d rb r= d a rk bro w n .

PAULMEMMO B Q6441 W 35 5‘ br br outdoors, reading, travel, open and honest seeking correspondence from all walks and ages.

POB 710 KEEN MOUNTAIN VA 24624 JOHN R LEWIS 133321 C^*22 W 31 5’8 160 bk br I'm a well built man with a tender soul, seeking someone I can care for. If your lonely too, write. Maybe we can find something wonderful.

POB 1000

POB 1058 BURGOW NC 28425

BOX

BELLEFONTE

WHITE DEER

16823-0820

17887

ISAAC STROPE 06618-067 Brady-A My father was black and my mother is Italian. I’m HIV+. I received HIV from my father. I'm inside for selling drugs. I was trying to make some $ to pay the medical bills. I have no one to talk to about things and I am in dire need of pen pals.

MARVIN RAY ARNOLD When I came to prison in 1993,1lost my family and everything I had. Ifs a lonely world being gay in prison. Being in for a sex crime with a young boy doesn’t help the matter. Do hope you find it in your heart to send me your messages. ,

FSP POB 747 STARKE FL 32091 CHARLES BOYD 110018 W 24 150 5'7 rd br fun loving, caring, and sharing, I'm looking for a friend and maybe even a relationship, and so mucK more comes after that. PHILLIP BURKHEAD B-575801 W 29 6‘4 230 bk gn people say I look like Elvis, loyal, caring and understanding, very lonely in a one man cell, looking for someone special to share and correspond with, age/looks unimpodant. FLORES CASTRO 071965 Searching for the forgotten gay. I know the meaning of loneliness, together we can build a castle of joy! DAVID COLLIER 053171-52N15 Are you seeking a well hung sex fiend/intelligent/sensitive/musically talented & always free? Love effeminate gays that love being treated femininity/know how to love a strong-willed man. Race unimpodant. I speak Spanish, write poetry, love children Please write MICHAEL ETHERIDGE 042959 N1 N3 W Bi 265'11 175 bd br athletic, serious, passionate and loyal, seeking a hopefully understanding, lasting friend and lover JORGE M JIMENEZ 106130 H/W 26 5' 11 175 br fit, seeking friends possible relationship, Interests inc..art, drawings, intellectual conversation, all music, camping. THEANIEL L KELLY 703614 20'S 5’ 11 178 br bu masculine, athletic build smooth Mother's dream Father nightmare Seeking that speci«»l older bottom who is sick of PURE EPS Age is only a number, photo available FRAZIER KELVIN 099699 N 1 N 6 B Bi 26 196 6* top, 9 5mc cut. nice build, very nice personality, seeing transsexuals, someone with a caring heart, we all need an honest friend, please respond.

KEfTH LAMBERT 095045 Lwtng W 24 A m t. looking tor someone who is interested m the same love of art and life as I , and who has understanding and love deep within them

JAY COCUZZO 180963-691 Bi 30 5'11 200 br br Italian, seeking pen pals, interests- reading, writing, sex, s/m. b/d, long way from home-Boston. inside since '88, out 4/96

JEROME T LEHRRY 100829 B 5'10 185 Solid build Seeking meaningful correspondence leading to long term monogamous relationship with cultured male 35-45, release m late 95 Willing to relocate Please write. I am hot and ready.

JOHNNY HOFFSTELLER 107060 829 W 6*2 bd bu German, muscular build, seeking close male fnends, that are open-minded and kind, someone to share new experiences and a relationship with, will ans. alt.

WILLY B LEWIS 474968 L-1-S-8 B 35200 5’ 11 looking for honest and sincere relationship, race unimportant, no head games, no gimmicks, very serious WILLIAM MANTLE 617495 W seeking passive male for senous ♦riendship/relationship, I hope I will be able to find someone for love, age/looks are unimportant smcerity/truthlulness ts JAMES STEVEN McKENNIE B 28 190 6’ 1 5 br seeking someone honest, understanding, and open-minded, age and race unimportant, loves lots of sex and movies, out in '96, looking lasting relationship with someone who's wanting it I'll do whatever it takes to please my soul mate RANDALL SMOE 084221 Vwtng W 23 5'8 155 br bu seeking friendship or hopefully more I'm easy going, sports, poetry, reading, but more than any thing else having a chance to share all this stored up love in my heart with someone special and know he leels it by his smile, please write. EDDIE NEVILES 6689162N-N10 B 29 5'11 180 Incarcerated open minded lovable handsome. JOSE SANTOS 392712 P-2-S-1 H 26 187 6’ 1 bl bl who is in need of a love?, I’m caring, honest, affectionate, romantic, faithful, and lonely, in a lonely place, please write ABRON SCOTT 096378.L-1-5-13 W 21 5'10 muscular body, incarcerated lonely male, soon to be released. Seeking nice older man for friendship. ROBERT J TATE 105685 Attractive 26 br bu seeking older dominant male for correspondence, leading to a long term relationship. Must be sincere, secure and willing to train. Leather, toys, and water sports plus more, '95 release. CHARLES M WARD 482771 U-1-S-14 W 26 5'10 160 dark hair hz handsome, caring and very warm hearted, seeking correspondence and possibly more with kind, caring gentleman who loves to feel special. HWY 27 EAST PERRY FL 32347 ROBERT REGISTER 219579 W 20 rdbd bu 5'9 185 very muscular, masculine male seeking feminine partner, willing to relocate if I find the right partner, interests inc. C/W music, camping and watching movies at home. Please write. POB 667 E2121L 0667

BUSHNELL

33513-

VELTZQUEZ J MAX 371236 PR 33 boy lover, seeking others like me for friendship and correspondence , age/looks unimportant. ZCI 2739 GALL BLVD ZEPHYRHILLS FL 33 5 4 1 9201 MICHAEL BRADLEY 0 952821 -259 W 39 5*11 185 br br Lonely country boy looking for life mate. I am from Mississippi. MCI 1150 SW ALLAPATTAH RD INDIANTOWN FL 34956 RICHARD BAILEY 102028 B 28 6* 175 well hung, seeks financially secure gay, TS. TV, she males, he-shes, all form of gay life style for correspondence, I'm HIV-, very clean no drugs, I have nothing but love, race is no barrier, photo appreciated

WILLY MILLS 93262 B healthy, honest, romantic, faithful, with a romantic sense of humor Seeks to explore new ideas and stimulating conversation. Anyone that cares to write and can appreciate my exotic nature and astounding beauty can write me. JOHN MORGAN 037268 1-C-23-B Seeking friends by pen pal. I'm a dominant type male that enjoys reading, writing, walking, country style living, music, romance and most of all meeting new friends. Please, lets share a warm smile through the mail. Don't be blue, I'll write to you. POB

636

WEST

LIBERTY

41472

WILLIAM JEWELL 119195-4DU16 6' bk bu masculine, just coming o u t shy, I need a gentle, loving man who hasn't had many relationships, age unimportant, please respond. JERRY WELCH 116902 W 25 6*1 165 br hz shy and easy going and with a big heart, have been inside for 9 months, recently come out. seeking someone to share my feelings with. KSP POB 0128

128

EDDYVILLE

42038-

RODNEY BOWEN 89095 Young, good-looking male prisoner, getting out soon. Seeking friend/lover. Will answer all who write. HARRY LEE HAYDEN 111244 B 35 5'10 210 healthy, honest, faithful, romantic, and educated. Seeks that special mate, someone who will appreciate my erotic nature and strong desire for a loving and caring relationship. If your out there and looking for a real love please write. Ans. all. JOHN T MULUNS 94870 35 5'8 160 rd hz full beard and mustache, top seeking bottom. JAMES SAVAGE 117376 W 29 5'6 150 lightbr hz seeking pen pals or possibly more to ease the loneliness and to bring a little sunshine into my life with letters, write soon, will ans. all. POB

740

LONDON

43140

DONNALD JOHNSON 172580 B Bi 42 5'11 178 bk br former male model, 23 yrs of body building, well hung, seeking passionate, caring, and warm Tvs, Ts, she-he, and he-males, will respond to all. POB

788

MANSFIELD

44201

VINCE DZURKO R-144892 NA Bi 27 57 150 bk br looking for a person to be my friend or more, out 1-96, lots of love to give to that special someone. WCI

POB

120

LEBANON

45036

ROBERT RICHARDS 290-309 1-D-125 24 NA 5'10 160 br seeks friendship and possibly more, I love the out doors, quite evenings at home, working out, cooking, candlelight dinners, meeting Mr. Right for lasting relationship. Please write, released 9/95, willing to relocate. POB

45699

LUCASVILLE

45699

ROBERT W FIGURES A-812-688 W Bl 23 6M 165 bd hz masculine stud with a good heart, mind, body, and spirit. Seeking that right person to ease the pain of loneliness. First time offender, will ans. all.

- U

POB

PENDLETON

46064

LESTER JONES 862777 B 31 muscular, seeking gays, TV, TS she-mates, male bottoms young or old. DON MILLER 854929-E1-210 B 35 5*8 160 bk br to be released in two years, looking to start a permanent relationship with someone who is sincere, honest, and not into games. IYC 727 MOON RD 9400

PLAINFIELD

46168-

ROGER SONNY ZICKEFOOSE 9679 40 6*3 200 longbr bu tattoos, been inside for 19yrs, a couple to go. seeking special bottom to build a future with, I'm sincere, kind, caring, loyal, honest, and very loving, if your between 18&40 nice young looking face act fern, to me. please write. POB

MICHIGAN CITY

46361

CODELL WOMBLES 5817 B-C-H- 227 W 39 5‘11 180 bk br top, muscular build, I am looking for a lifetime commitment with a bottom between 30&80, soon to be released. WVCI

POB 1111

CARLISLE

47838-1111

WILLIAM DEARTH 920981 W 25 br br seeks same, any age for correspondence and possible relationship, all letters answered, I love pets, animals, arts and crafts, sports, soon to be released. JEFFREY PAUL 926206 24 153 5'10 br br interested in correspondence, likes music, poetry, creative imaginations, just looking for Mr. Right but having a ball with the wrong ones, trade pictures, will ans. all letters. FLCI BOX 53933

147

UNIT D

FOX LAKE

KELLY RADLEY 179210 W 35 5'11 170 bd gn clean shaven, seeking 18-22, very thin, small, hairless, boyish looking, E.D.C.F. POB 311

ELDORADO KS 67042

RICHARD WALKER 59482 Seeking correspondence from gay and bisexual men. POB

1568

HUTCHINSON

67504

ANTHONY PALOCIOZ 47172 H 29 5'11.5 225 br br physically fit and homy, turned out and turned on to sex with men, you name it and I’m into it, looking for homy men to exchange dirty letters, all races welcome. RT 1

BOX

548

LEXINGTON

73058

ALFRED LEE WALL 91424 49 200 5' 11 .br/gr hzgr vegetarian, walker, jogger, fit, open minded, hobbies- stained glass, lyric writing, glass seed beads jewelry designer, drug and smoke free, seeking the same, lets get to know each other and share our life styles. Will ans. all. UNIT 2

RT-1 BOX 8

HELENA OK 73744

MIKE KAMMERZELL 161115 W 6*3 160 br br Would like to hear from young guys between 16 & 30. I'd like to know about your life style. I love classic rock, country, pop rock. I play volleyball, swim, bike riding, and camping out in the woods, if this is you, or just lonely please write. RT 1 BOX 150 TENN COLONY

75884

GENE 'PAUL' HOOKS 686997 W 29 6’ 210 bd bu divorced with no children, I enjoy the outdoors, water sports, mountains, and dancing with friends, seeking anyone between the ages of 18-35, who would like to write and share letters and pictures and possibly meet.

C oo t • o n "p • T\3

Dear Acquaintances A young tone, tan body, short 5'5", yet fully endowed dude seeks anyone between the ages o f 18-39 years to enlighten me in what the gay world is like. 1 am new to these experiences and seek esp. young clean shaven, blonde, tall, blue-eyed American Caucasian with hairy muscular body to respond and teach this "baby" thru photos, letters, and talk about what it's like to be a man. I'm still in the closet, straight-acting, VIRGIN, clean shaven where needed and clean cut short black hair. I'm smooth above the waist but a totally hairy hunk below. All reposes esp. with pic.(Erotic) will receive immediate attention with the gift o f hairs from my shaven body and other surprises!

Dear RFD. I'm a gay white male. I own my own log home atop Monteagle Mtn., near the Campus o f the Univ. o f the South called Sewanee. I enjoy meeting gay males for friendship and hot sex. I’m greek/french versatile, hung 7" uncut. I'm tall, slim and nice looking. Jim Gibson 293 Anderson Cem. Rd. P.O. Box 3321 Sewanee, Tenn. 37375 I'm into meeting not pen-pals or prisoners] You may call (615) 598-5012

Desperately, Quoc Lam 10335 Park St. Bellflower, CA. 90706 -6 0 2 8

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Dear RFD Readers: GW M in southwest Virginia seeking a sincere friendship and possibly more. I am a discrete, honest and caring person. Dont’ have anyone, so, any response would be welcomed. Let me hear. E. o f Southwest VA C/o RFD #82

Hello! I’m Jose Ramos. I want to receive letters from people who are about 45 years old and arc interested in making a good relationship even if it just by mail. I am 39 years old and planning to go to a university I love to hear from you people wherever you found me and I'm very optimistic to receive letters. I want some thing very serious, a formal relationship but not people from jail, no prisoners. 1 want something very very serious even when I’m in Puerto Rico in Jayuya. Take Care Jose, C/O RFD # 82 Jayuya

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Bearstud seeks top teddystud, Pontiac Michigan Handsome, virile, tall, educated, W/BI/M bearstud, seeks local top W/M Teddy stud. Mutual Stimulation mind/body, nudity, massage. Clean, safe, discreet, sensual, sincere. : ferns, fats, drugs, pain, disease. Reader o f RFD know what they want in a "R EA L " man who is not afraid to show his sensitive, sensual nature. Prefer local, Michigan Stud-men. Send your complete description, contact, and nude photos: Kev P.O. Box 4306 2 4 Pontiac Michigan 48343-430624

Montana Brother Seeking companionship Still seeking that special GWM. A brother that appreciates nature, mountains, camping and a free spirit-such a simple request, so difficult to realize. Someone that loves to wander like I do, not afraid o f commitment, but still needs space and time alone to meditate. A brother that would consider relocating to beautiful Montana to share experiences, love and friendship. I am 53, 5*9", 145#, blu/red and mustache. I own property in a small rural community, and I need a real man, somewhere between 40 and 50, although age is not a deciding factor, that would like to share and work it with me. I am looking for companionship and a real versatile man to man relationship. If you are a true friend, please write. Sincerity, communication and honesty are the most important attributes. Art ( Mtn. Cat) P.O. Box 145 Ronan, M T 59864

Seeking Cruising Scouts T o explore and document where men cruise. Nationwide from rural to big cities. Your list & #10 S A S E gets mine. Allen Adams P.O. Box 1312 Wilson NC 27894-1312

Hi! 1 live by the sea on a farm that has potential. It's a great home. Except a home has people and presently I live alone - join me! I'm 36, 6 T " , 150 lbs, optimistic, curious, persistent, serious, goofy, dry humor, irreverent, energetic. I like creating, designing, building, fixing, tinker with things, reading, writing, travel, cooking, gardening, animals, outdoors, urban entertainment sometimes, people watching, carousing, laughing, Dear RFD Readers, stimulating conversation, intimacy, great sex, I am a GW M , 42, 5'10", 190 lbs, attractive computers, puzzles. Fine tools, history, sincere and versatile. I live in a very rural music, architecture, science, culture, to learn, area known for the Appalachian Trail, to teach, discover - vivir con ganas! rafting, mineral springs, and rugged This letter has goals: l)find my mate: he's mountain beauty. I have lives in large cities^ in the past and I am now seeking a new life probably 30's, traveled, confident, eager to path. I started my own business to facilitate1 share sex, friends, interests, and projects. 2) Form or join a group, community o f this venture. I enter my new life honestly neighbors, commune, whatever. I'd sell parts having experienced some past trauma as o f the farm for private homes with shared many o f us have. In 1985 my lover and I infrastructure, beach, forest, agriculture, tested HIV+. W e remained together until his projects and participation in satisfying death in 1992. I miss him and the closeness community. Maybe such a group exists with and intimacy we shared for 10 years. I am interest ion another member? 3) Make into vegetarianism, mediation, organic farming, a blend o f eastem/westem . friends: I'll answer everyone who writes and am willing to travel. 4) To find work. I can spirituality and holistic health. I have remained healthy with no symptoms for 10 1 design programs, etc., systems for U N IX, y PC, networks, do construction or farm work, years now and look forward to a complete or anything I set my mind to. 5) To find life where I can help others with this disease. I am hoping this letter will touch the heart and capital. With the right person(s) and dollars we could develop a community. 6) Find soul o f someone interested in a caring and caretaker for farm. Family/group gay or loving relationship. I am seeking a spiritually straight, permanent, responsible, positive. minded, masculine man who is compatible Prefer country and sea skills, handy, bi and may be looking for the same qualities. I lingual, non-tobacco. Pay as percent o f profit believe sexuality is part o f spirituality. Your from limited but growable tourism. Write photo gets mind. Please Write now. Guy P.O. Box 617 David P.O. Box 8 9 - 8 1 5 0 Hot Springs NC 28743 Palmar Norte, Costa Rica

P qc*f;c Hi, How are you doing? I'm doing great except I am eager to meet a guy who also desire to live in the country and build maybe a log home together, building a lifetime friend/lover/husband relationship. I love it out here + west but I'm open to anywhere, my goal is to have a guy to love + spoil, to return to the land + become more self sufficient. I believe in monogamy, had work, lots o f love, listening to each other, helping each other, actualize out potentialities \ + help them come true. 1 o f course love a lot o f sex and 1 love to kiss and cuddle. I hope he is a top and has similar dreams o f a partnership. Oh, I'm going to be 40 in October: 5' 8*'. 180, blue eyes, brown/gray hair, hairy chest and stomach,. HIV neg, N/S, bottom, caring, sense o f humor, many interests inc„ reading, nature, hiking, world traveled, spiritual, massage (I'm a C .M .T.) I'd love a gay under 45, hiv neg, top, sense o f humor, n/s, adventure + caring. I hope I sparked an interest in you to write and tell me about you, your ideas and give me a chance, l ake Care. Greg 191 University Blvd. #262 Denver CO 80206

Hello RFD Readers. I’m a masculine, down-to-earth man who is very much into the outdoors and rural life. I own a home on wooded land by a river where I often go camping, canoeing, and hiking. I like to camp out when 1 travel and have recently been to Vermont. Pennsylvania, west Virginia, Illinois, and Missouri. My other interests include rock and blues music, guitar, history, dogs and travel. As 1 am not at all into the bar scene, I though it would be a good idea to write a letter to RFD. I'm a friendly, self-assured, supportive man with a good sense o f humor. I believe it is important to establish a friendship First and then if it is meant to be, evolve into a solid monogamous relationship. I'm looking to meet someone who has similar interests and is also masculine, grounded, supportive and keeps himself in very good shape. To describe myself, I’m a kid-at-heart at 45, 5'8", 145 lbs, dark hair, brown eyes and in very good shape. I believe in using natural remedies such as those found in homeopathic and herbal medicines to keep mentally and emotionally strong. If you're interested n establishing a friendship by mail or phone, please write. Send along a photo, if possible, and let me know what your interests and goals are. In the meantime, take good care. Mike P.O. Box 654 Putnam, CT 06 2 6 0

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Gentleman on the go would like trading letters with young and older. Everyone is priceless. Interests" basketball, creative writing, traveling, dramatics, gourmet cooking, money, sex. dining in. good home. antiques, city and country living. John Bertrand 5116 North West 51 st Terrace Coconut Creek Florida 33073 Dear RFD Readers Adventure-seeker from small town Indiana, living in NY City but now on the road, hopes to meet people living along the way. In Seattle in May, might have Alaska fishing job for a couple o f months. Starting sometime between June & September will bicycle down entire west coast on 1/101; then in winter, from San Diego to Florida, taking ^ southernmost routes. Might rent cars ' occasionally, especially in OR, AZ, NM, for side trips/sights too far-flung for biking. Interested in hearing from people along route who can offer suggestions on local scenic routes, must-see places (natural wonders, off-beat museums, etc.); places to stay, for 1 night or join me for awhile (biking or driving)! this trip is very open-ended. I'm Irish/Scottish, 5 '6", 130 lbs, dark brown hair, blue eyes, goatee, good-looking with many interests. Would love to hear from you, especially if living along Alaskan coast or in WA. OR, CA, AZ, NM. Write or phone. Mail will be forwarded; phone messages retrieved remotely. Since I’m on the road, include phone number if you can. Favors extended will be happily returned; there, if I can, or in NY if you Visit. Thanks Alan 105 West 13th St.. ^1 IE New York, NY 10011-7845 (212) 741-3264

Hi My name is Goran, 29 yo, GW M , from Yugoslavia. 1 am a body builder, potent, well-endowed, clean-shaven, healthy. I want to correspond with gays from USA & Canada. Please write in English. Spanish, or German to; Goran Djokic' poste restante 2AA0 A Novi Sad Yugoslavia

lan d to share Hello. I am a gay man in my late forties livine on 237 acres o f fertile land in the deep south and would like one or more gay guys to share it with me. It is secluded and private but not isolated. New Orleans is an easy 1 1/2 hour drive so big city life is available w hen the urge hits. It is raw. wooded land and needs lots o f work to make it into a homestead. Pure water comes from a deep well; there is grid electricity, propane gas and a small pond. It is rural but not completely rustic. The climate is w arm and winters are mild. A garden can be productive most o f the year. 1 can't afford to support anyone so you need some sort o f income or funds for personal expenses. Living costs are minimal as there is no mortgage or rent to pay. I don't have a firm plan established for the best way to use the land and am open to all suggestions so wTite your thoughts. Perhaps we could establish a small community . G JR P.O. Box 523 Franklinton LA 70438

Dear RFD Readers; I'm just a ptxir ole country boy w ho's been forced by necessity to take shelter on the edge o f the big city. 1 live alone but hope to change that right now. Basically it’s because I don't fit into the variety of the gay community around here. My wants and needs are simple. I'm looking to get back to the county scene but with that special someone to share it with. I enjoy walks in the woods or along the beach. Sharing a sunset or a full moon rise. The quiet times two people can share. Open dialogue, honest, romanticism, and values about commitment, preferably long term. I would like a younger man who likes older men. I’m 45, 5 ’ 10", 175 lbs, brown/ha/el. I'm open to his physical attributes. But sharing in on some o f my interests like 'ravel, older muscle cars, pop music, computer, and on working with my hands, as well as my mind to be fairly self sufficient. I’m clean, masculine looking and appearing. I can relocate or help you to relocate here. I’m interested please write. Let’s also exchange photos! WC P.O. Box 310424 Flint M I 48531-0424 (8 1 0 -235-1819

I am a GWM and like many other gay men I am lonely and desire to correspond with other men regardless o f their race. I welcome all who write and begin a friendship that might develop into something else. I like to garden, and the country life. 1 have to hear from you jj J Dear brothers, son. I love good hot sex too. Write soon, f I’m looking for a clean-living, able-bodied and I will answer. man, 25-50, willing to work around (and in) Jo h n my wilderness home and garden in exchange P.O. Box 180 /. for room and board. Peterstown W VA 24963 Specifically, I'm looking for somebody open, articulate, adaptable, and at peace within himself. Somebody able to get by without shopping malls, television, tobacco, and tea parties. Somebody nei able to get by i without birdsong, wildflowers, mountain air. | mountain trails and moonlight. Hello Friends, r The possibility o f romance is a consideration, I'm looking for pen-pals, or friends to but not a prerequisite. For the record, I'm tall, dark, slender, smooth-skinned, goodexchange letters,postcards, or whatever, with maybe the possibility o f meeting someday. humoured, fit. early 40s. I make my living I'm not especially looking for a : lover, as a writer and botanist. I live six hours northeast o f Vancouver, B.C. significant other, soul-mate, or fantasy lifemate. Writers, artists and naturalists are especially I just like receiving (and sending!) letter and welcome at Edgewood Blue, and usually fit in well. Whether you'd like to stay a few postcards - from friends, acquaintances, even total strangers! days, a few w'eeks. a few months, or longer. This here's a GW M 38, oh. about 6'0", I'd love to hear about it. And about you. Please drop a line. 165#. I travel all around the world jobTrevor related, at home I'm into gardening (urban...I live in Seattle), playing on the information c/o 904 - 1625 Hornby St. Vancouver. B.C. back-roads, i.e. local computer B .B .S . V 6Z2M 2C A N A D A (sorry no internet address.) I like hosting quiet faerie circles and loud cocktail parties, carrying on with friends, reading, and tramping around the bath houses and GW . 49yo with thinning salt and pepper hair, horrors! even hanging out in seedy cocktail 5'9", 166lbs. Hairy body, educated, lounges. workaholic into organic gardening, orchids Please do write! and exhibition poultry. Nonsmokcr who I^rry Muse enjoys occasional beer and wine. Live within 810 19th Ave twenty minutes o f major Southeastern Seattle W A 98122 university and major state junior college. Interested in someone with similar interests. Race and age no problem, but really enjoy someone close to my age or older. Bob 15908 Sylvan Loop Road Fosters Alabama 35463

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Dear Mountain I,overs, Do you love nature, dogs, hiking, sunsets, full moon nights, quiet nights, concerts, social activities, or just spending time alone or with friends. If you are a mellow GWM between the ages o f 30 & 40 , goal oriented, spiritual, bom under the sign o f Aries, Taurus, or Cancer read on... 1 am a GW M , 44, 5' 10", 180 lbs, masculine, active, good sense o f humor with a Midwest Irish Catholic background. I have a B.S. in Business Administration with a 20 year Government Career. 1 live in a beautiful mountain chalet located in a national forest, in sub alpine terrain o f the Colorado rockies within one hour drive the heart o f Denver. I also have a small bed and breakfast in my home that caters to straights, lesbian, and gay men. I have been single from a six year relationship for 2 years, but am loyal and ready for a new relationship. 1 am HIV negative. I have done several volunteer jobs (V - re: Volunteer Fire Department, Group Facilitator for Colorado AIDS project Buddy Program, also served as Vice President o f the local metropolitan district where I live. If you are interested. I'd love to hear from you. Mountainman Howard 603 1ake Road Idaho Springs CO 80452

Handsome, Ixiving, Loyal, & Affectionate GW Man, HIV negative, Circumcised, well endowed, looking for same to get to know, and share my life with. I'm a very young 39 (look about 28), you will be 25-40. I’m Xmilitary, very straight appearing, sexy, collage educated in medicine, now a healer in Natural/Herbal Medicine, and I try my best to stay close to God. I live in the breathtaking Blue Ridge mountains in Northern Georgia, where it can get pretty lonely, so I stay busy! I've been building my future and goals so I can Ire better prepared to meet my MAN and fall in love someday, WITH PRID E! I KNOW it is very possible. .......Personally I'm immaculate, and physically fit as you will be, 1 enjoy MAKING L O V E with the same person. Guess 1 prefer bottom, after being married, but am versatile. V E R Y light smoker and occasional drinks OK, but no addictions please. I own a Natural Health Business, and will share my life with the right person if you meet me half way. Can't wait to meet you. Your picture gets mine. Dusty P.O. Box #227 W am e, NC 28909

Attn. Farmers, Ranchers, and Other Rural Men. 1 am inviting any man who makes a living working with plants, animals, and the land or who calls the county home to attend the MidWest Men's Festival. July 18-27 1995. la m one o f five rural identified men, out o f 130 diverse, wonderful men, who represent our way o f life. I have willingly educated and grounded my fellow campers as to the x wonder o f rural living. I have met my challenges head on! I have explained why some eggs are brown, and even green, or blue. Why not all tomatoes are red. That not every one wants a computer. And how I can be gay and live in the country. After nine years I am ready for some company, so come share with me the wonder o f Festival. It's a whole other world. Write for more general information, or call after evening chores. Until later. MMF K.C. Rural Contact P.O. Box 32663 Kansas City, MO 64171 (913) 836-3350

Hello, Winter releases it's grip on the land slowly here in Eastern Kansas. One days it is Spring, warm and sunny, the nest Winter again, cold and windy. The flowers bloom and the grass begins to green, the number o f calves in the pasture increases daily as the hay in the stack nears an end. I am a single, white educated Rancher, 36, with reddish-brown hair, stache, and beard. Fair and freckled with a husky build. I live alone, but 1 am far from isolated. I am in search o f an individual who I could share these traits and interests with; Honesty, Gardening, Humor, Ranching, Independence, Romance, Drug and Tobacco Freedom, 2-Step Dancing, Sexual Versatility, Chocolate Addiction, Travel S e lf Assured and love o f Crowds. Someone with transferable jo b skills, body and facial hair and mechanical ability would get a fast reply, photos appreciated. So take a chance. Drop me a line. P.O. Box. 3695 Lawrence KS 66046

- Jo-

Hello, thereTell me , where are the guys who where 35 to 45 yr. old when RFD first went to press? Are they all happily partnered? I'm 72, and looking for one, 55+, for a permanent relationship; sharing a dwelling, household expenses, out lives, and a big bed. I'm a retired chef, 5 ;1 1:, 175 lbs. Trim, healthy, active — into tennis, hiking, bicycling, swimming (preferably nude), canoeing, h gardening, camping, nudism, jazz and / classical music, some writing, and most nay outdoor activity. Don't smoke or drink. I'm a homebody, not a party animal. Oh, yes, I like men too — a lot! And not just for sex. I feel comfortable with men, enjoying their friendship, companionship, and help. I'm fond o f long sessions o f hugging, kissing, snuggling, Fr. A/P, JO , gr A/ maybe P with right man. I’m intelligent, loving, and caring. Love the Southwest, especially Arizona, New M exico, and Texas, where I now live. Can re-locate. I own a nicely-furnished 30' travel trailer, so, if your interested in the ride o f a lifetime, write. I promise I’ll answer — all three o f you! Young men write, too. Thanks. David P.. Box 4292 Edinburg, T X 78539

I am a GW M , 40 years o f age, br/gr, 6'-245 lbs. Out in Ju n e-1997. I am seeking for any gay person that would like to just become a pen-pal with me. I am a open-minded, caring, loving, sincere person that just wants someone to write too and that would write back to me. Also, I am interested in becoming a Faerie and would like to learn more about what 1 have to do to become a Faerie or what a Faerie is all about. 1 am not looking for any financial support, due to the fact that I am already financially supported, so all you RFD Readers out there "P L E A SE " write to me and lets become pen-pals and help take this loneliness feeling away. Will answer all letters. I like country music, fishing, writing letters (clean & dirty ones) and I have a big range o f interests. Terry L. Olson -70501 O .S.C .I. P.O Box 3310 Oshkosh, Wisconsin 54903

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Brothers I’m a 23 year old man who grew up in the country (and I'm still here) who just discovered your great mag. It’s pretty lonely out here and I'm hoping to wnte to other guys who grew up in rural areas mostly to find out if I’m the only one who had positive experiences with family men as we grew up. It is with some difficulty- that I write this letter. Because even though I learned about puberty from family men. and have masturbated with most men in our extended family. I feel so o f bad because it was/is an erotic experience for me. Where they look at it more as a "guy thing", like locker room horseplay at school. There is a "Puberty Ritual" whack is tradition from before even my great-grandfather. This happened when 1 first started getting hair. Although I know this wasn't "abuse" 1 did know not to talk about it outside our family men. Am I alone in feeling so homy about "the remembrances of being initiated in manhood by family men? I hope other readers can share experiences o f nudity with family men, open and encouraged masturbation, and hair as a symbol o f manhood. If you can relate, as a country man from 18-? please write me. R.H . P.O. Box 361 /.•**'

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35 year old queer male seeks community life in queer male rural vegetarian cooperative In a climate characterized bv sunny winters and dry summers. I am pro-feminist but prefer the company o f men socially as well as sexually at this place in my journey. 1 bring 20 years o f exposure to "good communication skills" and some experience in small group process and community living I have worked w ith tax-exempt non profits as both a staffer and an administrator with successful grant writing experience and that is my orientation, though 1 am eager to become comfortable in consensus/anarchic settings. I have been a self-employed musician since August 1992 and wish to avoid day jobs for the rest o f my life, preferring to be at once at work and at play 24/7. 1 am ovolactovegetarian and use virtually no recreational drugs and enjoy chemical free settings. 1 am currently working chi a project toward membership in St. Mountain Sanctuary. Write to Chris Wagner (Krysso) P.O. Box 14923 Columbus. Ohio 43214-0923

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Dominate top seeks submissive bottom: Hi guys. I am a dominate leather-daddy topman looking for a submissive bottom to share my secluded rural life and be my sonmate-lover-companion. I am dominate but also very affectionate, caring and loving. I K am 47, 5' 10", 170#, H IV- and have auburn |] hair, hazel eyes, and a full grey beard and reasonably good-looking Anglo-Germanic features. I'm intelligent, educated, city-bred, , hard-working, fun-loving, stable and have * many eclectic interests, you are definitely bottom and sexually submissive and enjoy leathersex, the leather and faerie life-styles and have a mature dad-mentor to care for and love you. You are intellectually my equal, drug-free, don't smoke cigarettes or abuse alcohol. You love animals, enjoy good food and conversation, a happy home life, travel and excursions to cities. I normally am attracted to a younger, slender, smaller man but personality ad attitude are more important than physical characteristics. I am hoping to find a lifemate and might consider relocating for a very special person. I travel frequently and would enjoy hearing from faeries, leathermen, rural gays or anyone. Correspondence from all potential friends is always welcome. Photo Appreciated. P.O. Box 166 Magnolia MS 39652

Greetings from Vermont, I am a 28 year old gay man looking for new friends and love. For work, I am a natural foods cook and a volunteer at an Adult Basic Education center and a meals-on=wheels zy kitchen. My home is out in the sticks on a ' dirt road 17 miles north o f Battleboro Verm ont Bars and Dance clubs hold very little interest for me and I'm not the smoothest at small talk, so I sometimes have a hard time finding other gay men to connect with. I'm not rich, but I am blessed with many friends and savor the simple pleasures o f my life... ^ tramping trough the woods, singing till I'm \ hoarse, country and folk dancing, new books, and books that are old friends, back rubs by candle light, walking in snow, laughing, crying, intense communication and understanding. I'm 5 7 " , 175 lbs, have a thick blond ponytail, bearded, and my eyes are blue. Write me and tell me who you are. J Have a glorious summer. Sam P.O. Box 581 Putney Vermont 05346

Hullo There! I’ve always wondered if an ad. from me would work, because I don't want to glorifyI want to tell some blunt troths, flattering or not, and hope for the nght friends. Here g o e s... Basically, I am a hi-polar depressed 38 year old who is lost (in a number o f ways) in life. Career is a matter o f confusion though my interests are in the arts and 1 have print production experience. I move often, so you can conclude that I'm lost in terms o f "home" (where's that?) as well. I don't even know for sure if I'm gay! I'd like a good heartfelt (as opposed to "groin felt"!) friendship. And by no means do I mean to exclude women. One way in which I am not lost - 1 can find my way around the fret-board o f a guitar fairly well. A second interest is in visual art I draw & do some design. Guess 1 should include my negative HIV status & and he admission that I may be sexually boring - not that the two are related, but celibacy is O.K. I've gotta go. My 200 words are up. David Phillips 1626 N. Harvard Blvd. # 405 Los Angeles, CA 90027

Facts about me: I'm 46, 6’ 240 lbs with long hair and a mustache, teach at a small state college, rather far from anywhere, am a poet and playwright: live quietly in a apartment with a cat. Though I could stand to lose some weight I work out daily, and watch my health (H IV -and hope to stay that way). Don't smoke and drink very moderately. Don't mind smokers, though. 1 like classical music and old timely country. Grew up in the country and still have that view o f life. Opinions about me (from me) I'm honest and good natured. spiritual, accepting, even caring. Not a bad guy. I have a good sense o f humor, love bad puns. Ixx)k younger than 46, and certainly think younger. What I'm looking for: W ell, love. O f course. A guy who’s fairly good looking, sincere, honest. A nice guy. Education doesn't matter, but the heart does. Somewhere down the road. I'm looking for a relationship - they say the journey o f a thousand miles begins with a single step; perhaps this step. Let me repeat: sincere. Write to Robert. Box 2454 University Station Murray State Univ. Murray K Y 42071

WM, 41 Years old, 6 ’0 ", auburn, h/Vgn, very loving, emotionally stable, very sensitive, well educated. Willing to dedicate life, love and dreams 100% to the right person for 100% in return. Seeking same. Only honest person for possible permanent monogamous, relationship need respond. No games! Hun to many times already, and lonely too long. Age unimportant - photo appreciated. Interests include: art, cooking, nature, computers, and a lot o f TEC . Education includes : High school, 12 years o f college, and electrical studies. All answered. Ricky Wilson 618158 Ellis la n e k Huntsville T X 77343 \

I'm 36, soon to be 37, bisexual black male, 5 '9 " 175 lbs. smooth mustache and wear glasses. I was bom under the sing o f cancer and live in Boston. I know this publication isn't really meant for us city folks, but I’m hoping to maybe meet some people that live in a small town or rural area that I could visit from time to time or when I feel the need to break away from the urban hustle and bustle. My interests and likes are simple. On the social side, I like taking long walks, going to movies or renting videos and 1 also like going to restaurants for either fast food or a casual meal. On the intimate. 1 enjoy relaxed sensual pleasures such as nude photography, mutual masturbation. I like receiving massage and I also like social nudity with others indoors or out in a comfortable and relaxed environment where we can eat, talk, listen to music, lounge around, and enjoy each other company. People have described me as quiet and reserve, and for the most part I am more o f a homebody sort o f an indoor person, but I like to think o f myself as easy going, open minded, casual and low key. I keep my bisexuality in it's place. I don't wear it on my sleeve and don't keep company with those that do. I don't like pushy aggressive, over bearing and manipulative types, smokers, drug users nor heavy drinks. A glass o f wine or a mixed drink once in a while is okay. I'm not looking for romance or love, just to make new friends and acquaintances. If you like what you've read you can write me at: John P.O. Box 9 8 5 -R Boston M A 02103 Those that send me a photo and a SA SE get immediate attention, and more than likely be the only that get attention. So I hope to hear from you soon and Thanks! i

? Dear Reader You're strong enough to co exist in a rural secluded life with one other person, without the need to gaze at stars or search for things that only serve as distractions from the here and now. You are a survivor o f unstable relationships and fundamentalism in all it’s different cloaks. You are independent yet ready to take action to have and hold a equal-loving, caring communication-life with one person your brother your partner. Who’s versatile, 5' 10", 150#, 47yo, creative type. My intentions are to relocate to america, secure rural land and build 'our' home and life from there. If you intentions are similar, if your a dreamer, and want balance also, I await your letter. John Thom Jones 34 Keighley Close Holloway Iondon N 79RT England

Early this year, I split up with my partner. I now look forward to a new relationship that is part Withering Heights, part Tempest, and part Bambi: a (k ip connection with the right man that is passionate, mystical, loving, and intimate. (I'm not entirely sure who the right man is, but imagine he's 30-50, mature, H IV-, sober, non-smoking, self-aware, has emotional, spiritual, and intellectual substance, and is reasonably good-looking). I am intuitive/spiritual and also intellectual. I'm a writer (creative and AIDS-related medical grants) a grad student, 37, 5 ’8", 165 lbs, H IV-, handsome dark hair/eyes, therapied, meditate, am vegetarian, sexually diverse, and have many interests" astrology, numerology, ideas, literature, good theater, and films, cooking, dogs, music (many kinds), domesticity, the country, antiques, ^ etc., etc. I'm high energy, nondrinking/drugging/smoking, intense, opinionated, emotional, compassionate, and loyal. Sun: Ixxr, Ascendant: Scorpio. Moon: Aries. I presently live in New York City, but am eager to go where life takes me. And who are you? AstroDSR@ A O I ..Com (E-mai 1) Or David P.O. Box 20783 I*ark West Station New York. NY 10025-1516

Hi guys! My name is Bob, I'm a GW M , 22, 6 '0", 185 lbs, beard and goatee, green eyes, and very long silky blond hair down to the middle o f my back. I’m interested in meeting other longhaired men. Long silky manes turn me on and make me crazy for hot sex; so, the longer the better! I'm into heavy metal and rock'n' roll, tattoos, the beach, dogs (I have 4 labs), and longhaired men! I'm also a great cook and love to garden. (I manage a Landscaping C o.) I would also like to hear from any longhaired faeries. I'd like to learn more about faeriedom. Maybe somebody close to Florida can send me some information. I live in sunny Tampa Florida. And would like to hear from all types o f longhairs, rockers, Metalheads, bikers, Construction workers, Hippies, all longhairs are welcome! I can also entertain visitors in my home. If your ever in the area stop by. Thanks. Bob O'Connor AKA Golden Mane 3817 W. Swann Ave Tampa F L 33609 Beeper: (813) 266-3090

GWM 33. I am seeking correspondence with others, hoping to find a network o f friends to share hopes & fears, memories & fantasies, random thoughts & dirty jokes. I have a wonderful companion - we'll be celebrating 10 years together in July - so I'm not looking for a lover. We are, however, always seeking new buddies. At work, I am a computer-slave. The rest o f the time, my interest are: music, movies, sex, humor, dogs, and writing. Not necessarily in that order. I am reasonably intelligent; shy, but very open-minded; whitty but with somewhat depressive personality, lo o k in g forward to hearing from you. Alan H. / Tramp P.O. Box 1553 Lexington SC 29071

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Can't Find You: Lxx)king for the special, sincere, gentle, but masculine person as a life-mate in a dark, handsome, man who loves the outdoors, interested in homesteading, animals, agriculture, camping, hiking, Bahai and Buddhism. I am 45, W .M. drink, no smoke who presently works in the health field. ANYONE OUT TH ERE?? Alan Schultz 259 Harvard St ^ 108 Brookline MA 02146

•H-trj fecW/Jk ELLIS

Dear Brothers" It is spring here in Georgia, as I write this letter. A time when the Dogwoods and Azaleas are in full burst o f beautiful, breathtaking color. It is also a time that I especially yearn for a masculine male fiend, companion, partner....man in my life. 1 will be 53 years o f age on June 23, a Cancerian. My life has experienced both worlds o f sophisticated city life with a professional career and the simple county life as a beekeeper/gardener. I especially enjoy growing herbs, vegetables, fruits and flowers organically for my own use and market. I enjoy keeping animals too. During my city days I bred long hair Persian show cats and in the country kept a milk cow and geese. I'm at home at the opera or in my apiary or garden in an isolated country setting. Basically being a bottom seeking a top. I'm especially attracted to a masculine man. I'm seeking a friend first and that could lead into a relationship, perhaps even a business partnership. One part o f my home based business is selling live honeybees, infact I'm specializing in a very gentle Caucasian honeybee that is ideal for the novice and backyard beekeeper. The business is movable, so I'm open to relocate for the right man. Looking forward! Den o f Bee Natural Herbal Den P.O. Box 184 Ila GA 30647 (7 0 6 )7 8 9 *2 9 3 5

p•

UNIT

HUNTSVILLE

EUGENE WEEMS 39690 B 21 seeks relationship with a male that has a good sense of humor and loves to have fun

77343

JIMMY NEIL MILLER T D C J ID#636048 D O B 11-25-53 6'1 17 0brbu Happy, optimistic, financially secure, stable, dependable with honesty, tranquillity and laughter of utmost importance. HIV-, discrete, responsible, low profile, seeking same, race, age, weight and looks are important Will ans. all. POB 1059

SANTA FE

1989

ELY

607

CARSON

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POB

89301-1989

KARL SCHNERfNGER 25634 W 33 6M bd bu one year short, looking tor future relationship DERRICH SMITH 28652 W 5'11 175 looking for true companionship and support

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ISP A-2 92226

DOUG HUTCHINSON 34571 W 30 155 bd gn fit, seeking pen pals for friendship of possible relationship,, please write.

JOSE LLANAS D 03474 52 caring, warm, attractive, gentle, spiritual, and romantic I'm a Latin male seeking pen friends with similar qualities for quality relationship.

RAMIREZ MIGUEL 23445 Latin 32 5'11 170 bk br Lonely, experienced sincere and dedicated. Seeking to correspond with feminine gays, transvestites and or transsexuals, for long term relationship upon release. Will exchange photo. I am very open minded.

MCSP POB 409099 LONE CA 95640 BRUCE MILLER E-76140 W bu bd Seeking pen pals Me-small body big heart, who enjoys being in love both spiritually and physically with life. Enjoyments- lakes, rivers, woods, swim, fish, camp, nakedness, music, books, magical happenings. Please write.

DAVE THIESSEN 41439 24 6'6 205 longbr hz seeks friendships, possible relationship, due to released late '96. KEITH A WARREN 23562 There's a certain young man called ‘the serpent who's sly and handsome. But since he’s a serpent how does he take another. Serpent into his hole ? 'Honesty, Respect and Loyalty*. Your photo gets mine. With my word you won't go wrong.

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1995 1995 1996 1996

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1995 1995 1996 1996

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We print the names of all contributors, but not their addresses (except for contact letters). Contributors can be reached through RFD. We do not give out the addresses of subscribers, however. RFD will forward mail to them. W O R D S - This is a re a d e r-w ritte n journal, so please send us your work (under 2500 words is best). I f you have your work on M ac-co m p atib le MS Word or MacWrite, please send a 3.5" disk along with a printed copy. I f you are working with any other type of computer, please just send a printed copy, in s in gle-sp aced , 4 and 3/4 inch column format. We wield the editorial pen lightly, however we do (hopefully) correct for spelling and punctuation, unless otherwise noted. ARTWORK - We always need more graphics and photos than we have. If you are

an artist or a photographer (You don’t have to be a professional.just talented). Send us a portfolio. Xeroxes when the quality is good rather than original art is advisable. PHOTOS - If you have a choice, black and whiles reproduce better than color.

However, if you have a gem of a color photo, send it to us. If you would like special treatment of your work or want it returned, please be specific. No negatives, please. DRAWINGS - It is difficult for us to get good quality reproductions from color drawings and light pencil drawings. Light blue is invisible to the camera and red photographs as black. (Try using red color pencil instead of graphite sometime.) Again, if you want special handling, be specific.

We will report to you as soon as possible if your submission is selected for publication, but we sometimes hold material over for future issues, and it may be some time before actual publication. Please bear with us. A self addressed, self-stamped envelope will insure the return of your originals. RFD will send contributors one (1) copy of the issue in which their work appears as payment. Second copy upon request.

i . Jjn g o ■ Edition of 2 S 9 " by 12" irnagr on 2 2 " by 30*' whit* pjp*r

2. Wishbone - Edition of 19 9" by 12.5 “ image on IS " by 2 2 .5 " white piper

5. Ctndte P incers - Edition of 19 9 " by 1 2.5" image printed on 19" by 2 6 " buff paper

3. H e it o f the M om ent - Edition of 19 1 0 .2 5 " by 13.5" on 20" by 2 6 .S" warm white paper

6. Tingle - Edition of I 7 9 " by 1 2 .5 ” image printed on 19" by 2 6 " buff paper

Original Limited Edition Prints About me: I sure am enjoying life on planet earth! Part of my adventure lies in exploring the richness of the gifts that have been given to me. Spirit and nature and sex and art work are not mutually exclusive experiences.

The price for each hand-done print is $75. Shipping and handling via UPS ground is $10 per order. Please allow 3 weeks for delivery. This offer is good as long as my editions of prints last. Check or money order only. Please make payable to Jerry Hooten, Silver Earring Graphics. Fill out and clip this order form or write down Quantity Price $ Total your order and mail to the following address: t-Ta n g o _____ $75 Silver Earring Graphics 2 Wishbone ____ $75 P.O. Box 347 Back Bay Annex Boston, M A 02117 3-Heat of the Moment ____ $75 4 Midnight Forest Dance

$75

About the art: The images are printed on acid-

S-Candle Dancers

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$75

free paper and are suitable for archival matting

6 Tangle

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$75

and framing. Each print is numbered and signed

Subtotal

by me, Jerry Hooten.

Tax (@ 5% MA res. only)

Visitors to my Boston studio are welcome! Call ( 6 1 7 ) 2 9 2 - 8 9 5 2 .

Shipping & Handling

TO T A L E N C L O SE D

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