RFD Issue 117 Spring 2004 by RFD Magazine Gay

F rom

C over R eprint C ourtesy

the

of R F D

A rchives.

RFD Archives

Between the Lines

Food

Plant Profile

Spirituality

Community

DEPARTMENTS

FEATURE

Q ueer & M u sics

Letters to RFD

Becoming Annie Lennox

Rememberances

Howdy Boy

by Jay S pears

Fey Arts

C onfessions

of an

Poetry

Me and M r. Jones

Book Reviews

Talking to

Contact Letters

G oddess

O ne Day by pinkie

Prison Page

Forest Music

Announcements

Recolleceions of an Amat eur Songwriter by Cannon

Faerie Connections

H eathen I Jarvest by Maiaiiki T horn

Music for Every Fae People

is a

16 18

Mountaine

e S parklepani's by

Angel

C ockelf

O pera Junke

M eet' My Friend Jim

B. Burnside

D ogwood Bark by

Leopard

Buttercup

S unfire

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Magazine Layout and design by WingJieart, JW, 11A! and M ish 1

n the fall of 1988 RI D moved from Running Water on Roan

At that meeting w'e acknowledged the worthy honoring of our radi

Mountain in North Carolina to Short Mountain Sanctuary in

cal faerie subscribers with the recently added subtitle: radical faerie-

middle Tennessee. Dwight Del ight, R FD ’s art director extraordi

digest. We also anticipated the views of long-time contributor,

naire, made the move with it and a seamless transition along with a

Dancing Mane, whose letter to the editor herein makes the case for

$6,000 debt took place. In short order we retired that debt and have

dropping it—and that’s our plan— with the Winter 2004-03 issue.

been debt-free ever since. W hile

financial reserves along with our

Meanwhile thru the 301^ anniversary year we will proclaim the fact

subscribers have steadily declined in the intervening, internet expand

that the radical faeries are the folks who have published this fag mag

ing years, we still have a loyal readership who has been with us for

for the last fifteen plus years; and while the voices we print and the philosophies we champion share much in common with the rad fey

many years and some of you, all these three decades. Thank You.

ethics of anarchy and self-definition, we also seek to celebrate the full At our recent annual meeting and enrichment weekend in January we

range of RFD’s readership/contributors who won’t be placed easily

confirmed the long held visions of RI D: 1) We are a reader-written

into confining queer categories.

country journal—just how country does vary from issue to isssue (as we acknowledge that half our subscribers live in urban areas)—and we

The tag line for this anniversary year, Celebrating Our Stories for 30

seek to facilitate a magazine of self empowerment. 2) We are com

Years, says so much of what we feel. And a new tag line for after the

muted to honoring the earth, to reseeding and reaching out to eco-

fall issue had its immediate variants: a journal of radical queer living,

environmcntally conscious folk. 3) Continuing to explore sexuality

. . . of living radically queer, .. . for lively queer radicals, etc., etc. What

and spirituality and non standard art and imagery are important for

are your thoughts on these points, issues, and possible subtitles and

us. ») Promoting community and sustainable ways of living and not

taglincs?

just for gay men are crucial to our mission and vision.5) Reflecting the growing urban faerie experience is also something we are about

We are Everywhere and We arc You and We need You to renew or

and wish to recognize in upcoming features. 6) Outreach to our

introduce RFD to a mutual friend. By all means send us your per

brothers behind bats, if not always popular, is nevertheless crucial to

spectives— in poetry, prose, pictures and art— on this world. You are

our humanitarian mission. 7) The theme tor our 31st year: return to

the core of our existence and you are the seed stuff of our future.

C om mi

ni iy .

Sr. Mish for the RFD Circle

Letters to the Editor "King David" Wins Award Dear Editor, You gave my King David: War & Ecsiasv a superb revue in your Summer 2003 edition p38.

route address. It was a singularly perfect association and link to con tent and intent for the original editors to choose this acronymn as their magazine title. I would venture to guess that tew erf these RFD founders called themselves Radical Faeries, and that most had little or no knowledge of Radical Faeries.

For a significant portion of its existence, the magazine carried a sub title under the RED comer banner: “A t ountry Journal for Gay Men RED was the first to review my David of Goliath fame, whom the Everywhere.” For me, this perfect!) defined the magazine..and 1 felt years had transformed into a plaster saint. Whereas your review saw it spoke definitively to the intent and concept of the original creators. that he was a warrior, poet, mystic and alxn e all a man of might)’ pas “A Country Journal for G\ Men Everywhere” is broadly sions. The book has just won a World Writers inclusive. “Radical Faerie Digest" dramatically nar Association award. rows the focus to a limited audience (a significant "So if you guys want to portion of which is not rural) and restricted subject 7Tic WWA seek to enourgage new writers of fic change the name to area. There’s an infinite number of subjects that tion and the book won the 'European Literature might be featured in country journal gay men every Award 2004' and was the first winner of a new radical faerie digest where: correspondingly , there’s a relatively circum category for fictional biography. fine but first take RFD scribed and highly limited number of subjects which would appear appropos to appear in a digest for At the heart of the book is the love between off the cover." Radical Faeries. David and Jonathan, not sanitised bur expressed as real flesh, blood and emotion, which I admit My strong suspicion is that 1 personally would have might offend the Biblical traditionalist who initally been much less inclined to make contributions would assert that David’s love of Jonathan was platonic to a Radical Faerie Digest than to a CountryJournal tor Gay Men

-Dancing Mane

The book reepamres David’s personality in his struggle to integrate mind, body and spirit, ainidist the cont radictions of the brutality of battle, his search for his God and reconciling his great loves for Jonathan, Abigail and Bathsheba. The book is obtainable in the States via ipgbook.com.

1 hope you might share some of the pleasure and pride I feel as 1 am very grateful to RFD for being the first to recognise my King David, who belongs to us all, in every culture and in every time.

-Colin Pitchard Author o f “King David: War & Ecstasy

Everywhere.

1 have absolutley no quibble with the current editorial staff if they wish to re-define the scope of the publication under their charge and change the title. That is their perogative. So if you guys want to change the name to radical faerie digest fine but first take RED off the cover. This simply goes to the core of appreciating respecting and revering the history of the magazine. Sincerely , Dancing Mane

”

C a l l fo r S ubm issions Cannot Digest the Name Change

RFD 30 + Dear RFD Editorial Staff,

A look to the future: if we have made it this far, how far will we have gone 30 years from now? What skills, what technologies, what interpersonal per spectives will be needed to build our ever-broadening future?

As a longtime supporter, and occasional contributor, RFD evokes an almost paternal response from me. So 1 hope you'll take my follow ing concerns within that perspective.

Deadline April 15,2004

You Tell Us

With the arrival of the four 2003 issues in my mailbox this past year 1 have been dismayed by the name change-or rather the corruption of the original magazine title. RFD does not mean “Radical Faerie Digest ”.

Next Fall RFD celebrates its 30th Birthday. We have lots of ideas for such a theme, but we want to hear ideas from you, too. In fact, if enough of you send in ideas, we could build a year long (4 issues) theme sequence. What eco-sexual, politically fruitful, or socio-queer battles are happening out there? What stance should we Faeries be taking? How do we build allies? And what are we NOT doing as Faeries to enable ourselves and our commu nites to grow. You can join the debate by joining RFD's Chat group. You can do that and submit your article and ideas to our email address: submissionsOrfdmag.org

RFD was originally created by rural dwelling gay men who wanted a literary venue that would function as an alternative to the main stream urban gay publicatins. (A nice bit of history was provided in your 30th Anniversary issue #115 on the inside cover.) These mostly midwestern guys lived in rural areas where mail was delivered by the IJS Postal Office under the “Rural Free Delivery’’ program. If you live in the country in most of the US you had an assigned RFD mail

Deadline July 15,2004 3

Food

Kitchen

W i tchery by Tanya Rawgirl

The Magic of Sprouts All hail the arrival o f spring! After a long, cold and dark winter. I'm sure we are all certainly looking forward to the increasing light and warmth o f spring. With the change in sea son, it is natural to shift your diet towards lighter foods; we arc instinctively called toward more expansive foods to contrast the contracting energies o f winter. According to Paul Pitchford in Healing with Whole f oods, Spring is "a time for contacting your true nature and giving attention to self-awareness and self expression. The Inner Classic defines the vital relationships which describe springtime: The supernatural forces o f spring create wind in I leaven and wood upon the harth. Within the body they create the liver and the tendons; they create the green color...they create the eyes, the sour flavor, and the emotion anger." This is the perfect time to do a little fast or cleanse o f some sort, to clear out some o f the heavy foods o f winter. It is also a time to focus on the liver and gallbladder, fry to eat foods that embody the qualities of Spring sprouts, lots o f greens, sweet and pungent foods such as fresh basil, fennel, marjoram, rosemary and dill are all great complements to any meal. Other veggies to 117 arc onions, fresh mustard greens, beets, and all of the brassicas, including broccoli, cabbage, turnips, cauliflower, and brusseI sprouts (1 am of the personal opinion that cabbage is one of the most important and under utilized veggies o f all time. fry fermenting it for an extra flavor and probiotic bonus see Sandorkraut's Wiki Ferm entation.)fry sprouting your grains and beans before you cook them this will increase their nutritional value many times over, make them easier to digest, and shorten their cooking times. I his is also the perfect time of year to begin adding more raw foods to your diet. As the first season o f the year. Spring represents youth. It is believed that raw foods bring renewal to the body, reminding our ceils o f the earlier stages o f human development. As always, I believe it is important to focus on fresh, local and seasonal foods. As the

farmer's markets begin to come back to life, make it a point to purchase as much of your produce there as possible. Talk to the farmers who grow the food you will be eating. By cultivating such relationships, your food will nourish you that much more!

Simple Sprouting Guidelines Sprouting is a pretty simple, yet powerful, procedure. All seeds should sprout (be sure that they are raw, not roasted), this includes most nuts, seeds, grains and beans. Each one o f these tiny bits has the inherent wisdom to produce a mature plant. By sprouting, we unlock this potential and have access to all the life force energy sprouts represent. Imagine all the plants burst ing forth with new life as they watch Persephone return to the Earth after her journey in the underworld; this joy and exuber ance can be captured in the food we eat! 1) Decide what you would like to sprout, preferably an organically grown seed o f some kind. 2) Rinse in clean water, drain, and then soak overnight. You want to soak your seeds in enough water so that there will still be some left in the morning. Larger items, such as garbanzo beans, need more water than smaller ones, such as sunflower seeds. A good guideline is to fill the water to about 4 inches above the seeds. 3) After soaking, drain your seeds thoroughly. At this point, you want to keep your sprouts moist, but not wet. There are many ways to do this. One of the easiest is to put them in a glass jar and cover the jar w ith a piece o f clean window' screen and secure it with a rubber band. You can now let your sprouts do their thing upside dow n in the dish rack. 4) Rinse your sprouts 2 to 3 times a day by filling the jar with water, swishing them around, and then pouring the water out through the screen, then returning to an inverted position. 5) That’s really all there is to it! Different seeds have dif-

Food ferent sprouting times, which I will list below Another impor tant item to remember is to alwa\> use filtered water, as chlorine and chemicals in tap w ater can inhibit the growth o f your sprouts (and aren’t good for you, either!). Also be sure to choose a jar large enough for the quantity o f sprouts you are making. Expect them to triple or quadruple in size by the time they are done! 6) Have fun. Love your sprouts and talk to them every time you rinse them. Thank them for bringing all o f their nour ishment into your body Sometimes 1 put a crystal or stone in the jar w ith them, or draw Reiki or other sacred symbols on the jar that they are in. Whatever energy you infuse your sprouts with will come back to you and your friends!

Item to Sprout

Pumpkinseeds Sunflower seeds Amaranth HulledBuckwheat Millet Quinoa Garbanzobeans Alfalfa Mungbeans Adzuki beans Almonds

Soaking Time

4-6hours 12 hours 3 hours 4hours 12hours 4hours 12hours 6hours 12hours 12hours 12hours

How do you eat them w hen they are ready? Grains and beans can be cooked any way you normally would, they w ill probably take less time to cook and need a little less water. Seeds and nuts can be eaten just as they are, tossed in salads, made into pesto, blend ed in smoothies, or made into a pate or dip or spread. I he pos sibilities are endless! Enjoy your sprouts, rejoice in Spring and Blessed Bee! Tanya Raw girl lives and sprouts in a majik house in San Francisco, California. Contact her with questions at raw girl'U urbanforage.com or 833 A Fillmore Street. San Francisco, CA 9-4117.

Sprouting Time

1 day 1-3days 2days 2-3days 1-2days 1-4days 2-3days 7days 2-3days 2-3days 1-2days

It seems at times like this we are asked to take a position on the values of the world around us. Yet our lives are besieged with politics in the jaws of religion, human kindness strangled by greed, and equality spread-eagle at the feet of exclusion. A cease

Uses

Salads, dressings Pate, salads Rawinsalad, cookedgrains Rawinsalads, cooked Rawinsalads, cooked Rawinsalads, cooked Cookedhummous. soups Rawinsalads, sandwiches Raworcookedinsalads, soups Raworcookedinsalads, soups, dips Rawinsalads, as asnack

Take a position on what is offensive,

less stream of facts, figures, and forecasts cloud our ability to understand or even

inhumane and stupid.

access a true world beat. Voices speak con stantly for us, with us, am ong us, and between us that reek infallibility like some

■

ooze from dead meat.

Are we

wooed by

waving flags, weeping mothers, and military miscalculations? Are our thoughts molded by the heavy hand of nationalism and the gushing throat of security.

Be it in-your-faco or from your la p to p ^ or from sticking out your foot and tripping somebody. Let people know what is important to you. Stay cool and carry a big punch. Live, love and make a difference. - 11A! 5

Plant Profile

Tulip Poplar: Protecting the Purity ofourHeartwood By Buffy Aakaash Plants speak louder at some times more than others. Choosing a plant to profile a season before its ready to make its official public appearance and address can be diff icult, because it requires communication with an often “sleepy” hibernating plant. In the ease of tulip poplar, however, I had the joyous occasion of being visited by the plant in a dream. It is also know as tulip tree and, through my work with it, I have nicknamed it free Lotus. In the dream, people were pointing to a tree with blos soms, wondering what magnificent organism it was. I looked at it and said it was tulip poplar, to which the people expressed dis agreement. It was still winter, they said, not time lor tulip tree blossoms to show themselves. Unable to deny this, I took a clos er look and confirmed u was, in fact, tulip poplar, coming early in order to deliver a message. Not a tulip, and not, officially, a poplar, this tree stands alone as one of the most distinctly beautif ul trees in our forest. So where does this association with “tulip” come from? Tulip is another distinctly unique plant, with a considerably more infa mous history. The flowers of the tulip tree more closely resemble a different flower, which I will reveal more of later. First, I want to note Michael Pollen's association of tulips, in The Botany o f Desire, with the historical desire for beauty. He begins by telling us that “cool, scentless, and somewhat aloof, the tulip is one of the least Dionysian of flowers, far more likely to elicit admiration than excite passion.” The tulip tree is probably less Dionysian than tulips, even, but has much for us to admire, not the least of which is its reminder in mid-spring of beauty in the wildness of the forest as well as the effulgent confines of the cultivated flower garden. In The Lost Ijinyuaye o f Blunts, Stephen Harrod Buhner notes that “the tulip tree produces a number of strongly antimicrobial alka loids (dchydroglaucine and liriodenine) that it stores in its heartwood to protect from invasion by microorganisms.” This fact alone potentially reveals a much deeper medicine offered by the spirit of this tree, one that speaks to the purity of our own inner heart wood.

In my dream with the tulip tree, the deep orange blos soms reminded me of an image, which 1 identified in waking state as the Three of Wands tarot card, specif ically as depicted in Stevee Postman's Cosmic Tribe Tarot. The image involves three blossom ing lotuses, arranged to represent the crossing of body, heart, and consciousness in the formation of Virtue. These lotuses resemble the flowers of the tulip tree, more so than the tulip, at least the contemporary hybridization of the tulip. “Virtue.” writes Eric Ganther in the Cosmic Tribe text, “arises in a field of complete integrity where we discover and share our uniqueness.” This uniqueness in each of us represents our heartwood, which, without adequate protection, would be con sumed by microorganisms, our doubts and fears, dissolving our unique contribution to this world. “Virtue,” continues Ganther, “is not bought or manipulated, it results from believing in our own truth. Truth is not an externally objective reality, it is simply our experience of the world honestly told: Listen, world, this is what I feel and this is what I think. Virtue is what we sense in people u'ho are in tune with their internal frequencies...” So, “tree lotus” offers us the medicine of protection for those internal frequencies, which, distorted, result in the rotting of our heartwood, our virtu ous nature, that which is truly and honestly ourselves. Discovering this heartwtxxj can be a tricky game we play w ith our egos, for heartwood is not the part of ourselves that we create from our mundane everyday experience, the personality traits we admire and add to our own, or our identifications with roles anti characters. Such processes belong to our ego. The kind of identity that tulip poplar nurtures and protects, simply is, like the involuntary processes of our bodies, one over which we have no conscious control. Any development or evolution of our heartwood occurs in response to unseen mysterious forces. Once we are in touch with the strength of it, and trust in its health and well being. the ego can relax anti cease its draping of layer after layer of identifications, its vain attempts to BE something.

Spirituality

STIRRING THE SPIRIT POT... some reflections by Rosie d. So there I was - getting a shoulder massage from the Witch Doctor (aka Lapis Luxury) as a drumming circle was kicking into gear at Dick n Daisy's loft on the eve of the eve of Imbolc - and I blurt out “I wouldn t mind tak ing over the spirituality column for RFD - but I'm afraid I'd have to . . . ” Before I could finish, the Witch Doctor grants me this newly-ordained role. POOF = Fey Magick! Now I am writing to you in this new capacity = BLESSED BE! Be careful what you say to the Witch Doctor, 'cuzyou never kno w "What Would the Witch Doctor Do?" W-W-W-D-D!

GREETINGS! As your newly ordained Spirituality Editor 1 am here to facilitate an ongoing conversation that has been lov ingly cultivated over the years in these pages. I imagine RFD as a circle, with all of us contributing our stories, pouring out our hearts to reveal our wisdom. It is also a place for us to contem plate our experience and share our ideas about fey spiritual cul ture. To this end 1 want to stir the pot with some questions: Is there a distinct “fey spirituality” ? Or arc there as many fey spir itualities as there are faeries? Many faeries work within many different spiritual traditions including Wicca, shamanism, Santeria, the Red Road (Native American traditions - including the Naraya). Buddhism, and others. These are ancient practices that hold wisdom and an internal integrity available to those who follow their recipes. If this is true for you: -what have you learned for your own prac tice? How has your sexuality and/or gender orientation played within this experience - has it been as accepted by your elders/teachers as you have accepted yourself? One gift we have received from our indigenous forebears is the idea of our “in-Between” status. Call it Trickster, Drag Queen, Fool, Hairdresser, Priest or Whore - those that use their experi ence in one community for the benefit of another. This mediation celebrates diversity and creates the glue that makes human life bearable and beautiful how does your “in-between" status, affect that spiritual heritage in which you play. What do you bring to X as a faerie - and what do you bring to laerieland from X? How many communities do you simultaneously mediate? Is your faerie consciousness evident in each of these communities? How much of your fey spirit infects your workplace; biological families; political, civic and/or union organizations? The chal lenges we all face juggling all these selves toward a healthy inte gration can be amazing medicine for those with whom we work, play, l’uek, suck, pray, protest, entertain, feed, eat out and other assorted communal activities. Is there a spirituality that can be identified as specifically “faerie”? Are we as a community developing new traditions and paths to Spiril(s) as we grow in numbers anti build new sanctu aries? To me, circles are the core of fey spirituality - call it “church” (goddess forbid) if you like. It is in circle where we gather, celebrate our lives, build community, and weave our hearts. Without circle we are a crazy chaos of colorful creatures; within circle we can prune our plumes, make room for each other and create celestia cacophony. The breadth and depth of ley

spirituality can be found in the listening o f circle.

and the silence

1 believe circles are a revolutionary act anti evolutionary achievement. The circle process takes the noli tut that all are equal (a founding principle of this country) on face value and puts it into practice in a most radical way. That all also get equal time it) be heard - wow - that's revolutionary! Inasmuch as we are the children of Western European history, our act of circling creates a new development in political, social and spiritual con sciousness and interaction. Of course, this process is a gift we have received from native peoples, who have and continue to use circles in their communities. Thus we simultaneously draw from the past as we build our futures and therefore come full circle! 1 believe we ought to share our fey spirits which 1 think is essentially sharing our hearts. By exposing our emotions we allow others to feel as well as be nurtured by our experience and perspective. Being a freak allows you to think outside the box sharing your freak can allow our neighbors to free themselves. So go out and share, circle, and write back - w;c all need each other to build a new world. So, in this capacity - 1 exhort you to share your truths and expe rience in the land of spirits - the rituals, meditations, potions, spells and incantations you know work well for you. While the anarchy that roots fey culture allows us to remain in the present as we communicate with spirit(s). many of us have learned much in our private and communal practices that can benefit all = we do not need to constantly reinvent the wheel! We can learn from one another as we share our spiritual experiences just like we share recipes that were passed down to us some we dare not touch for their inner perfection others we alter to fit our cir cumstances; all being used to create amazing leasts.

So hack to that drumming circle - WOW - what an intense ride! The drumming was amazing among a small group of tal ented faeries - the groove created amazing sounds and I danced as soon as I entered the circle - hoy, did I dance - or was it really that I was danced - I felt taken in spirit and my body was driven into a frenzy. H\ the end of that night my body was both exhausted and energized - / felt as though / broke through into another realm - my spirit was moved and my life changed - ahhh the power of faerie music-making! Herein lies a prime manifestation of fey spirituality and the theme of this issue. ENJOY THE MUSK ISSUE & HE WELL!

Community

W <§> if !

< <§> I I n <1 <t

l>y i^<§> fiflAlWyi Alias™ I^<§>Ias “ H ow did it feel? My friend from Baltimore asked me. Not “H ow was it?” or “W hat was it like.” She’d lived in ( '.had for a couple o f years, so she understood how a country and culture could get into your blood. The

end everything comes down to dirt. At Destiny “the land is per sonified, maybe by some more than others, but on many conscious levels, nonetheless.

country and culture of Lebanon was being called up from already being in my blood when I visited for the first time just before Destiny’s hall Foliage Gathering. Since my Giddou grandfather left in 1906 for America, I was the first to go back and discover family still alive— names I’d stumbled upon through a travel agent in Beirut who happened to know my family.

Imagine finding people you, as a child, always thought were dead...and finding so many of them. I’m sure, based on the level of diverse backgrounds Destiny holds, that this isn’t difficult to imag ine. The third night I was there, after being in Saghbine, my grand father’s home and stopping at my cousin's house in Yashooch in Adonis Valley (where Adonis was believed to have been slain by a boar), I sat on my balcony looking at the moon over the Mediterranean. With music wafting into my hotel room from across the street on the Corniche along the Mediterranean, I cried for over three hours straight. Tears from a very deep place. And we re not talking petit sniffles here, darlings. We re talking Susan "I Want To Live" I layward tears and heaves. I can only listen to the Middle Eastern music for so long before I begin to uncontrollably trance out. Many times, 1 think people forget the power of blood line and all that it carries.

Upon returning from my trip to Lebanon, I purposefully set it up to be at Destiny a day later for the hall Foliage Gathering. I knew that after !>eing in a society that was juggling between one world and another, I would need a sense of grounding...! would need sanctuary. In Lebanon, I felt both sad and happy tears at the same time. There was so much pain and such great desire for this geographically stun ning country to grow and develop and not always be someone else’s political battlefield. Unfortunately, though they try to remain neu tral, Starbucks, M cDonald’s and Dunkin Donuts are turning it into a battlefield of consumers. Though you won’t find Muslims taking part— they’re not too fond of American consumerism— some extremists bombed a McDonalds in Beirut a couple of years ago. The sense of pride of the Lebanese people is admirable, Inn they often realize they are powerless to the countries that surround them and the bureaucratic red tape that lines their own government. They’ve been beaten down and cheat ed by these countries to the point that many I've spoken to don’t want to be lumped into the connotation of “Arab”, but to go fur ther back, to a pan-deified time identifying as Phoenician. Going to my grandfathers home, I kept wanting to touch the dirt, to take it with me. Their “bread and wine" of the Bekaa Valley is so endearing to me. It’s no wonder that my father moved us to live in the Sonoma Valley...it looks just like the Bekaa Valley and my father was never in Lebanon! Talk about blood running deeply! The same rings true for where he moved us from— San Francisco! 1 lilts and mountains running right down to the ocean— just like Beirut!!I I felt a sense of power at the Temple of Jupiter and Baccus in Baalbek, not Roman Gods, but deeper, to Baal and the Sun. 1 was quite happy to see that the Phoenician influences were not fully razed by incoming Romans. It only reinforced my belief that in the

Through my experiences at Destiny, I've learned to better negotiate the world around me. Both on the other side of the world and on the other end of the phone. 1 felt such a sense of pride wandering around the ruins at Byblos (the oldest continually inhabited city in the world—over 7000 years) and Baalbek. Here were two pieces of my world, the urban and rural, the Pagan and Christian, all going head to head. I must say, it was a bit confusing and empowering at the same time. It was in Lebanon that I connected to Greek myth in Adonis Valley; that I reinforced my leonine relationship to the sun through the god Baal in Baalbek; and that I learned the challenging perception of my family namesake “Abou Elias" for Saint Elias, the one with the scim itar who beheaded the pagans. Talk about personal conflict and bal ance. My heart swelled as a fag, in fact, when I discovered that Lebanon was the only country in the Middle East with an anti-gay law on the books. But why? Because for the simple fact that by having it in writ ing the government of Lebanon recognizes the existence of gays. The only way to obtain some sem blance of legal equality is to have your existence acknowledged! Going to the hammam in Tripoli with ten men, both expats and Lebanese, was a world unto itself. A bathhouse, is a bathhouse, is a bathhouse...I thought, but aside from the predictable cruising and steamroom activity, there was communication between those who were both familiar and unfa-

Remembrances miliar with each other. It seemed, to some degree, the only place where one couple could be and express both their physical and emo tional intimacy tor each other. I was a little nervous, due to the ille gality of the activity Antoune imbued upon me. But then some thing magical happened as the light disappeared from the stained glass ceiling, these queens began to break out into Arabic song! Damned ii 1 knew- what song it was— it could’ve been a Lebanese variation on Shakira for all 1 knew. But their committment to singing was engulfing. But then, after dinner and drinks at this roadside cafe owned by a Lebanese queer from New Jersey, people slowly went their separate ways. And 1 began to miss the openness of intimacy, affection and contact with my fae family at Destiny. I was pleased to be in Lebanon and to walk through the ruins in Byblos holding hands with my male cousin, Charbcl. O r having him kiss me and smell me all over upon greeting me for the first time— the primitivehonor of my cousins kissing and smelling me and then saying 1 smelled “like family.’ But in the end, 1 missed the society I’ve lived in for 40 years, where 1 can consensually sodomize anyone who will have me.

Yarek Unowho February 26, 1976-Ja n u ary 21, 2004

Yarek was taken from us by suicide this winter and is missed by many. Yarek chose to live life outside of the box; and in that vein, did not identify as being male or female. Instead. Yarek created a gender that felt comfortable tor himself including using the neutral pronouns “ze” and “hir” Yarek devoted hir life to working for social change through many angles. At the time of Yareks death, ze was working at a home for teen runaways and also volunteered on a hotline for survivors of domestic violence. Prior to that, Yarek spent a few years touring across the coun try in Tantrum, an RV, to deal with domestic violence in radical communities through work shops and direct support to the survivors. Yarek also worked with Anti-Racist Action for several years, an organization committed to con fronting racism and white supremacy. Ze was an integral force in creating “Plan / ”, a pangender activist organizing conference that happened at IDA the last two summers. Yareks death came as a shock to many that knew hir as the strong, supportive and cre ative personality that ze was. In all of the sup port and help Yarek offered to others, ze didn't always know how to ask for help and assistance for hirself. In death, Yarek is missed and loved by many whom ze touched over the years. A memorial was held in February at SMS on what would have been Yareks 28th birthday. Friends came from across the country to remember and honor hir by placing a stone at the 1)ead Faerie Circle. - Simmer

1 went from the primary Arabic gay enclave in the Middle East to my fae sanctuary in Vermont. Where in the Middle East I felt a bit nervous about the Syrian Army checkpoints (probably no more nervous than riding the 'L train to Broadway Junction in Brooklyn), I felt completely relaxed and resplendent in my red sequins and Doris wig in the middle of the woods in Vermont. 1 didn’t get to speak much when I was in Lebanon, aside from a few expat parties at the American University, because my Lebanese was limited to very minor greetings and my French only made me sound like some alien from planet Zork. So I was in my head and body a great deal, thinking and drinking in the world around me. While 1 was there, I kept going back to my first visit to Destiny as I wanted to teleport my fae brothers and sisters to the temples and ruins. When 1 first went to Destiny I didn’t know what to expect. I wasn’t particularly frightened in Lebanon, 1 just didn’t want to be rude; being there and not knowing the language. The same rang true for Destiny. I have to constantly remind myself, there’s a cul tural language to Destiny, a language that 1 now speak fairly fluent ly. 1 only hope to be able to become an adequate interpreter as we continue to open our arms to the world around us. “We don't see things as they are, we see them as we are. ”

—Anais Nin This was printed originally in Destiny Star, the wyrd voice of Faerie Camp Destiny. To leant more about this sanctuary in Vermont: www.faeriecampdestiny.org or FCD, POB 531, Wintxtski. VT05404.

Fey Arts

S p i r i t

I B Y

V e s s e l

My journey into clay lues been a with my body and my spirit. During this personal exploration. What has given me so time, my life was full of changes. These much joy began with sorrow. A dear friend, changes, like working with clay, taught me Tommie, passed away and having been his many lessons about friendship, nurturing, caregiver, I found myself able to go beyond sharing, integrity, and commitment. During a meditation, I found anything I had imagined. The idea of mak ing pottery came to me from a sleeping myself visiting a moment in the past, two dream and 1 immediately set about making it years before that first ceramic class. I was in real. I laving but a few coins in my pocket, an art store. I was there to buy watcrcolor bartering was the only option available. I paint and paper. Tommie had decided to sell borrowed money to take a Saturday class at all of our stuff and move to Short Mountain. the Appalachian ( >aft ( enter. As magic hap I had several hundred dollars to stock up on pens, 1 was the only student in the class. The supplies. As I followed the memory, 1 real class morphed into a five-day-a-week session ized that in addition to the other art supplies, where 1 had the opportunity to try many dif I had also bought a ceramic tool kit for pot tery. After the meditation, 1 searched ferent techniques. I was hooked. A friend sent some money to have a through some stuff and found it, sitting at local potter make a bread bowl as a gift for the bottom of a long-forgotten box. 1 real the birth of IDA, a queer artist community in ized that I had come to pottery through a Tennessee. That was in winter of 1993- spirit guide. Through my work with clay, I 1994. It was there I met Susan DeMay, a tal was deepening my connection to that spirit. ented artist. She made our bread bowl and 1 My three years at IDA were incred met my mentor. Susan loaned me her kick ibly enriching, but I came to the conclusion wheel to see if I liked it. Kicking is quite act that I needed more. Just about that time, olm and limits the size one can throw, but it /.uni Mountain Sanctuary began with the seemed second nature to me. Over the intention of starting a cottage industry in course of a year, I bought that kick wheel, ceramics. Being an Aries, I jumped at the and still use it today. Through Susan, I had opportunity and headed for New Mexico. access to an electric kiln and a variety of Granite built the first kiln, Owl set up a busi glazes. With my first artistic attempt in clay, ness, and we all set up a big army tent and I began the process of learning how to fire a started something that would support us. It kiln. This process has taught me how to lis has been six years and now I am moving on ten, how to watch, how to know when to again, this time to my own land, twenty-two move to the next step. It has taught me how mysterious and beautiful acres near Zuni. to pay attention, how to be alert and aware

One of the most fulfilling experi ences I have had was firing an anagama kiln of ancient Japanese design. It is forty-five feet long and resembles the belly of a dragon. It holds around eight hundred pieces and requires participation from everyone. It took two days to load, six days to fire and a week to cool down. At the height of the firing, flames came dancing at the top of the kiln, and when the door was opened in the front, tongues of the beast seemed to reach out and take the wood from your hands. Loading that kiln was like sitting in a seashell. I could hear all the previous firings of my ancestors. That moment spoke deeply to my soul. Journeying into clay, especially the turning wheel has revealed to me my demons, my guides, my loves, my disap pointments. It has given me a belief in faith, love, compassion, wisdom, and perseverancetraits not present in my life before. Clay became my teacher of life. What a learning experience this has been. Taking a risk, exploring an idea, deal ing with disaster and then doing it all over again, this has deepened my soul. Many friends have been my patrons and have given me endless support. From them, I learned to accept nurturing and to grow from it. I honor them and I honor exploration, IDA, ZMS, and all my friends... if you have any interest in learning ceramics, 1 open my stu dio to you. PUuse a m x l meal luivmqididyuhixHvm or visit my website: maquisgarden.com.

Poetry

A n in te rv ie w w ith Je ff M ann Po et, w rite r, an d a ll-a ro u n d stu d w h o se p o em s have a p p e a re d se v e ra l tim e s in RFD . O u r p o e try e d ito r, Ron M o h rin g , c a u g h t up w ith Je ff d u rin g th e fa ll o f 2 0 0 3 .

S Jeff Mann grew up in southwest Virginia and southern West Virginia, receiving degrees in English and forestry from West Virginia University. He currently divides his time between Charleston, West Virginia, and Blacksburg, Virginia, where he teaches Appalachian Literature, Gay & Lesbian Literature, and cre ative writing at Virginia Tech. The author of four poetry collec tions Bliss (Stonewall Chapbook Winner, 1997). Mountain Fireflies (Poetic Matrix Chapbook Winner. 1999), Flint Shards from Sussex (Gival Press Chapbook Winner, 1999), and Bones Washed With Wine (Gival Press. 2003) and a collection o f essays (Edge, Haworth Press, 2003), Jeffs writing spans a remarkable range, from essays on Appalachian subculture to an erotic vampire novella. Keep up with Jeff’s latest news at his web site, www.english.vt.edu/~jmann/.

RM: First o f all, I want to congratulate you on the publication of two new books this year: Bones Washed with Wine, your poetry collection, and Edge, your volume o f autobiographical essays. Let's talk here about tne poems: how did this collection come about? Jeff Mann: That book is entirely due to the kindness of Robert Giron, the publisher at Gival Press (a press which, I'm proud to say, was a 2003 finalist for Best LGBT Independent Press in the Lambda Literary Awards Competition). My first chapbook. Bliss, w'on the Stonewall Chapbook Competition in 1997 and was pub lished by BrickHouse Books in 1998. My third chapbook, Flint Shards from Sussex, won the 1999 Gival Press Poetry Award and was published in 2000. When Flint Shards went out of print, Robert offered to reprint it, combined with the Bliss poems (also out of print at that point). Needless to say, 1 w'as very grateful. Those two combincu chapbooks became my first full-length collec tion of poetry. The poems in the two sections o f Bones belong together, since all o f them w'ere inspired by a particularly painful affair I had in the early 90’s, an affair with a very attractive, intelligent man who unfortunately already had a husband. Nothing like a love tri angle to fire the creative spirit! Agonizing at the time, but I learned so much, 1 wrote so much, I achieved such intensity. The Bones poems are thus, I like to think, in the tradition o f medieval trouba dour poetry, which yearning poets addressed to the unattainable married women who served as their Muses. My Muse was not so unattainable, but he certainly w'as not to be held for long. 1 felt like I was living out my own version o f Wuthering Heights! Oh well. I’ve always jumped at a chance to play Hcathcliff. He was one of my first role models, though not one I'd recommend to the weak of heart.

by Ron Mohring

sions between being classified as a "queer writer" and the dual impulses to, on the one hand, be "true to our tribe," and on the other, w rite beyond that (possibly limiting) label?

Jeff Mann: My writing has, from the beginning, been inspired bv my desire for men. I remember, for instance, writing poems in high school about the various futile crushes 1 felt for certain handsome straight boys. So it's difficult not to be classified as a "queer writer" when my poetry is filled with biceps and chest hair! And I do feel a commitment to writing as a way o f telling the truth about my emotional life as a gay man. No matter what the genre I've pub lished the vampire novella, the collection of essays, the poetry my muse always returns, perhaps compulsively, to the erotic. Art is a commemoration o f beauty, and, for me, the most intense beau ty, the most disturbing, is embodied by men. In addition to the queer classification, my work is also known in another subculture, that o f Appalachian literature. 1 am one of the very few writers who have focused on both the gay expe rience and the Appalachian experience. The "Ridge-runner Rumpranger." I like to joke. So "hillbillies," a derogatory term that many of us mountain folk have reclaimed, are another audience 1 write for. Both gay folks and Appalachians have been mocked and derid ed for a long time, and I like to think that my work might help, in some small way I'll never be able to gauge, in changing that. On the other hand, it does irritate me to discover that the books I've published at this point are only to be found on-line, in gay bookstores, or in huge chains like Barnes and Noble, stores large enough to have gay/lcsbian sections. I do feel ghettoized some times. Much of my work is, I think, accessible to straight audi ences so my friends tell me accessible to anyone who has felt deeply, w ho has fell the extremes of rapture and abandonment. But book distribution and marketing are such that a wider audience is not likely to find my works. At this point in my writing life, too. I'm tired of writing constantly and directly about my own experiences. I’m reminded of my favorite lines of Robert Lowell's: "I'm tired Everyone's tired of my turmoil." So this summer I've escaped queer and Appalachian pigeonholes almost entirely bv composing a book of poems based on Nordic literature. The above qualifier "almost entirely" simply means that 1can’t help but put a few Viking beards and furry chests in the poems! Still, such a relief to speak from someone clse's voice, wnich is, of course, also the appeal of w rit ing fiction. Especially now that my own life is too placid to inspire the Sturm unci Drang lovesick poems I used to specialize in a decade ago.

RM: One of the themes I love in your work is your exploration ol and its implications. Love as hunger, for instance: the RM: You seem to be comfortable writing across many genres— desire poetry, nonfiction, fiction—and yet your work seems to consistent extremes to which we take ourselves in the physical enactment ly be informed by a queer sensibility. Can you talk about the ten

carry us to the edge of being, in a sense, devoured. Can you talk about that line, that edge?

Poetry Jeff Mann: That hungry edge is the great obsession of my life, and Jeff M ann: Well, that’s the ex-forestry major's compulsive still I find it very difficult to gracefully articulate it, despite the fact botanizing. At West Virginia University, I got a degree in nature that almost all rve written has tried to define it and deal with it in interpretation from the Forestry Department, along with the B.A. in some wav. The love poems I’ve written have all been inspired by English. My father brought me up to love two things: books and a male vfuse. an almost spiritual presence that is embodied for me. nature. So now I write poems full of flora and fauna. Being a pagan at different limes in my life, by different men. My thinking on this only contributes to this tendency, to find significance in the out doors, the shifting of the seasons. subject, I should mention, has My boyfriend John makes gentle been heavily influenced by Robert fun of me. actually: I love to touch (iraves' The White Goddess and trees, their leaves, their bark. I drive May Sarton's Mrs. Stevens Hears him crazy identifying this or that the Mermaids Singing. I have plant, chattering on about redbud sometimes felt as if some dark and teasel and broomsedge. god, some Dionysian force, has Perhaps I was a Druid in my last manifested in the men I've loved life, a priest of the Green Man. most intensely. I'm a Wiccan, and Certainly I've felt closer to things my particular patron deity is spiritual in the woods than in any C’emunnos, the Celtic Horned enurch. Ciod. For me, He represents all that is strong, beautiful, mysteri RM: Then there’s food (and drink!). ous, and desirable in men, and You're such a sensualist, as in this when I've most deeply loved. I've line (from "New Market felt His presence— maddening, Battlefield"): "the way, bare beneath fascinating, and ultimately unat a lover, beauty bums like bourbon." tainable in the men I’ve desired. Are you a good cook? So, that intertwining of the erotic anti the spiritual, so common to Jeff M ann: Yes. I love to cook. So poets and mystics in many places does my lover, so we're always on and times, makes perfect sense to one diet or another, trying to trim me. The yearning to touch the down the love-handles. I have innu beautiful, to be momentarily inti merable ethnic cookbooks— mate with the divine —that's what German, Hungarian, Scandinavian, passion and inspiration are about. British, Greek, Italian— mainly I guess I've been thinking this way because I live in an area where, if since I read Plato's Symposium in you want ethnic food, you're going high school. You know, to have to prepare it yourself. When Aristophanes' explanation o f I get to a big urban area like San physical love: the two separated Francisco or D.C., I fling myself halves aching for one another, first at the restaurants (followed by popularized lately by that great gay bookstores and leather bars). song in the film lledwig and the Along with being a great Angry Inch. Most of my writing reminder of cosmopolitan trips past, has been an attempt to make sense food can serve as a tangible link to of passion. Virginia Woolf once family, heritage and home. called writing a means of dealing Certainly the cuisine that is closest with shocks. So, my writing is to my heart, the cuisine that reminds often a way to handle the shock of me of who I am and where 1 came the erotic. from, is down-home Southern food, You use the word Poet, Je ff M ann Appalachian food. Since John and I "devoured." My vampire novella Devoured deals with all this as best it can through the medium of got together in 1997, he’s sampled all sorts of West Virginia tidbits: fiction. I he protagonist Derek Maclaine compulsively scours West chow chow, brown beans and eornbread, creccy greens, wilted let Virginia for beefy, hairy boys to tie up and feast upon! For me, the tuce, and fried apple pies. natural impulse in the presence o f a preeminently desirable man has been that devouring instinct, a longing to possess him entirely. RM: I love the way your poems celebrate, and embody, masculin The extremes of leathersex are ways to possess, to be possessed, ity itself. I almost want to bury my nose in them, savor the tingly however briefly. The longing, at its greatest heights, almost feels musks and fragrances. It's just such a pleasure to dwell in the ter like metaphoric cannibalism or bloodlust. No wonder I've always ritory that your work evokes. What, for you, is the sexiest part o f a related to vampires! No wonder I've always relished the Catholics' man's body? crucifixions and communions. Perhaps it can all be explained as a crazy oral fixation, but 1 don't think so. What else is there to do Jeff Mann: Chests, especially hairy ones. In fact, just lately I’ve w ith a black beard, a fuzzy butt, pierced nipples, tattooed biceps? been putting together another collection of gay love poems, which Devour them! Incorporate the God as best you can, for as long as I hope to title Chest Hair, if it ever appears in print. I’m also a great fan o f facial hair (thank God the goatee fad has lasted as long as it that sticky and sacred immanence lasts. Perhaps it's obvious by now that I’m not only obsessed has!), furry bellies, muscles and tattoos. A Bear aficionado, obvi with body hair but also haunted constantly, constantly by ously. And a narcissist too. As a young man, I often found evanescence, fhe brevity of beauty. le t's contradict John Keats: a thing of beauty is not a joy forever, unless it's a work o f art. Keats, myself patterning my look after the kinds of men I desired, then dying o f tuberculosis, knew about mortality better than anybody, desiring men who resembled me. All still true. My boyfriend is and the rest o f his work is obsessed with the transitory nature of fond of pointing out what a leather clone I’ve become: shaved pleasure, beauty, youth, and human life. My work is too. Lovers head, goatee, earring, tattoos, boots, and leather jacket. Now I’m have left, family has died, lines are furrowing my brow, my right even hankering for a motorcycle (which, admittedly, sounds like elbow gives me problems when 1 do too many preacher curls, and the creeping approach of a middle-aged erisis). Reminds me of a bumper sticker I once saw a decade or two ago: "I’ve Become the my beard's streaked w ith gray. Sort of Man I Want to Marry." One of the advantages of being gay KM : T m delighted by your attention to the natural world: to plants- is that you can redefine masculinity for yourself. In fact, you pret -labumum, elderberry, chestnut—and stones, to animals, to weather ty much have to, since being a man in mainstream society is so and seasons. So many images o f the body and its intersection, its often defined as being a lover of women. So you construct your self, who you want to be, sometimes quite consciously. As I nave: relation, to the things ot the natural world.

Poetry odd amalgam o f ihc Mountain Man. the Bear, the Leatherman. the Romantic Poet, the Highland Warrior, the Byronic Hero, a complex combination o f subcultures or archetypes. John Keats said that writing is a self-making o f sons, and many critics ha\c discussed poetrx as personal mythology. I suppose my work is only one aspect o f now I continue to make mv self. Certainlx the new Nordic poems I'm working on spring From my recent Fascination with the Warrior Archetype, whatever that might mean in the 21st century.

said something once about how she could pul a toothbrush in fic tion. but not in a poem. That makes sense to me. I have a pretty sharp w ell, all right, dark and vicious sense of humor, and that comes out much easier in my essays and fiction than in my poetry. The poetrx tends to be melancholy, tender, contemplative, solemn, and it’s a challenge to change that tendency, though 1 am broaden ing my tonal range. I think, in all the genres 1 work in For instance. I have a nasty little series of bitchy poems about "The Misanthope." who rants about various elements of the modem world he passionately detests (cell phones and loud car stereos at RM: Your poem "Another Droning Dismissal" describes "a w rist l the top o f the list). Still, it’s almost always the essay s that get the gripped until it bruised. I was determined my touch would leave laughs at a reading, not the poems. And after all the romantic some trace." It seems that the knowledge o f w hat one can't have— melancholy in my poetry, it’s a relief, for both the what can't, in the end. endure—not only deepens the intensity of the audience and me. to laugh. erotic experience, but also prompts us to take risks Would you agree? RM: Whose poetry do you return to? W ho arc your touchstones? Jeff Mann: Absolutely! Back to John Keats: in this context. 1can’t Jeff Mann: Sylvia Plalh has alway s been my favorite The dark help but think o f one o f my favorite poems, his "Ode to ness, the anger, the intensity I'm a complete intensity addict, thus Melancholy." where he muses on "beauty that must die." It’s that the BDSM elements in my work. I became fascinated by Plath dur knowledge that beauty cannot be kept (whether in one’s ow n per ing my last year in undergraduate school at West Virginia son. if one’s lucky enough to be beautiful, or in the person of a University. I'm also very impressed by the work of other "confes beloved), that’s the knowledge that stokes intensity. That’s the fact sional" poets like Anne Sexton. The thoughtfulness, brutal hon that, to be blunt, can transform a fuck into an aesthetic experience. esty. and sensual detail of Diane Wakoski's work has also influ To feel that kind o f fire in the face of brexity. mortality, evanes enced me. cence—oh, it’s worth any risk, that "hard, gem-like Robert Frost taught me hov\ to love the land flame" that Walter Pater spoke about. I’ve taken scape and to write about it. how to honor the those risks. I’ve been devastated, but I regret none small details of country life. Wall Whitman and of it. At least I’ve lived fully. If a man doesn't Emily Dickinson God, what genius! It’s amaz hat hungry edge take those risks, what sort o f vapid life will he ing that Whitman published a poem like "When I at the Close o f the Day" when he did. And have? THE GREAT OBSESSION Heard I greatly admire Dickinson’s gnomic compres sion. the way she mixes the occasional Latmatc RM: Shifting gears a bit: You’ve just accepted an word into the simplicity of Anglo-Saxon diction. Assistant Professorship at Virginia Tech. How is OF MY L IF E ... your teaching going to change? In what ways does teaching inform your writing? How do you eff ann RM: Some of your poems arc more oxertly polit ical. What do you think about poetry's current think your students would describe you as a role in the world? teacher?

-J

Jeff Mann: That new position, w hich just started this fall, is one of the greatest improvements my life's ever been blessed with! I've been teaching Four classes a semester for about 20 years much of those classes freshman composition, which takes a great deal of time and energy to grade—but now 1 have two classes a semester. It's amazing how much more time I have to w rite, as well as to pre pare for class. Already this semester I've written more Nordic poems, a personal essay on Appalachian folklore, a ghost story', and notes for another vampire novel. Writing pretty constantly, and in several genres, helps my teaching simply because I have lots o f personal experience from which to draw' w hen I discuss the wa iting life w'ith my students. I'm guessing students would describe me as enthusiastic, energetic, eccentric, sarcastic. Some of them probably think I'm a SemiBubba, with my Southern accent, baseball caps, cowboy boots, and love of country music. Others probably think I'm just plain crazy, when I cvcr-so-rarely wear my kilt to class or tell them about the sword I just bought. Well, at least they're not bored!

RM: Do you like to read to an audience? How important is it to have the author’s voice in one’s head when reading their work? Jeff Mann: I love to give readings. Everything I write is meant to be read out loud. Writing is such solitary work (as so many writ ers have said) that it's great to connect directly with an audience. Plus, 1 must confess, we Leos love an audience. We love affirming mirrors. 1 don't suppose it matters whose voice you have in your head when ou read an author's work, as long as the work itself is mellifluous, know that I am always unsure about a new piece of writing whether poem, essay, or fiction until I've read it out loud to some one.

RM: Do you think that poetry has limitations? Arc there things you can say in an essay, tor example, that you could never express in a poem? Jeff Mann: Yes. I find it much harder to express in poetry the mal ice and wicked wish-fulfillment that my prose can. Sylvia Plath

Jeff Mann: Well I'm very much disheartened by America's gener al indifference to poetry both political and apolitical. I think poet ry is the greatest of literary forms, certainly the hardest to write well. Poems have illuminated my life, have helped me make sense o f my own sufferings and losses, have helped me see beauty in the world around me, have helped me to pay attention to the world as it streams by -or, rather, as I stream through it on the way to obliv ion. Yet most people I know' certainly the majority of my stu dents don’t give a flying rat’s ass about poetry. They avoid it. Sometimes teaching poetry feels like presenting someone with a lobster and champagne dinner which lie M ooncalf Ingrate! promptly lobs into the trash. As for political poetry. I’ve never much liked it. It feels limited to me. Still. I have written some o f it, especially poems like "Risk," "Buchenwald," and "Pupae," which all deal with the abuse gay folks have endured, the dangers we’ve faced, in the present and the past. Political poetry is often fueled by anger, I suspect, and Gou knows I'm angry a great deal of the time, so perhaps I should write more political pieces, rather than taking it out on the punch ing bag or expressing it in tirades my lover docs not exactly relish. Mountaintop removal, the waning of good manners and general civility, any number oFright-wing idiots I'd like to stomp. . 1 have within me a rant of epic proportions! Back to Woolfs line about the "shock receix ing capacity" of art: I have written a few pieces about 9/11 I hose arc events 1 still find so painful and enraging that I can barely speak that dale out loud. My knee-jerk reaction, 1 must admit, to such destruction inflicted upon my country, is a redneck response: hatred, and the desire to destroy in retaliation. Revenge is high on my list of pleas ures, I have no problem confessing, and, like many mountain folk, I have a strong clan mentality: don't fuck with me or mine, or I’ll squash you. No, though two o f my 9/11 poems are thoughtful or full of sorrow, the third, as yet unpublished, the one I like the most, is angry. It's about Mark Bingham, the Bcar-idcntilied gay man who, its suspected, helped bring that plane down in Pennsylvania. In the poem, I try to imagine what Bingham felt, knowing that hijackers were about to insure his death, and what heroic satisfac tion he might have derived in thwarting them, what final warriortriumph he achieved in bringing those bastards down with him.

Poetry

Leaf Stains They want to be remembered, these maple leaves sticking to a sidewalk after rain. Even after wind ushers them off, the pressing fervor of rheir palms leaves a tannic stain the richness of rivers rising on a floodplain, lakes glistening in the glacier’s wake, the web dawn-spiders trail across dewberry vines, the fading scars a comet carves across indigo. So the cave-dwellers once dipped their palms in paint and pressed them against the deepest chambers’ walls. Years ago, beneath your ardor, a few bruises once bloomed along my inner thigh, dark clouds that paled day by day into history.

Jeff M a n n

Miraculous, for touch to mean so much, yet to leave temporary marks or none. I stripped in the late winter light, offered up my body as if you were priest or king, as if your hands could heal. I grasped you roughly, wanting to be remembered. To brand the scrimshaw o f my signature along your sternum, along your spine. Not to end this petty surface stain, a hard grip’s red trace evaporating from pale skin, the leaves’ brown epitaph the rains evoke and the rains erase.

"Leaf Stains" from "Bones Washed with Wine" Copyright 1 2003 by Jeff Mann. Reprinted by permission of Gival Press

WEEKEND Back to back in bed again, each wishing the other were another. Weekending in this romantic farm house, beneath this romantic quilt. Outside the windchimes are whipped too manic to make .1 tunc, the silver maple fast growth, soft wood loses a limb in these gusts punchbagging the house.

Jeff M a n n

to touch. The lovers who left us laugh at the bed’s foot, shimmering like heat-ghosts over August asphalt. Their features zigzag, distort in the crossdrafts. Whoever you are, this experiment’s over. Morning at last: see how long frost remains in the hemlocks’ shadow? Down to breakfast now. I’m starved,

Night after night, I am tired of always being the first "Weekend" from West Branch #53. Copyright (0 2003 by Jeff Mann. Reprinted by permission of the poet, [reprinted with permission from West Branch #53, fall 2003]

Music

A n eclectic mix of interviews, memories, reviews and stories CELEBRATING OUR RIGHTEOUSLY FUNKY DIVERSITY

Short Mountain Sanctuary in Tennessee inherited RFD from Running Water, N.C. with fall issue #55.The feature was queer music with the title: Rondos, Fortissimos, Diminuendos. Franklin Abbott's cover article introduced to our read ers Peter Alsop, Geoff Morgan, Romanovsky & Phillips, Michael Callen, Flor DeCana among others. It included this photo from the NYU Gay and Lesbian Archives. Dwight Delight made the move to the Sanctuary to continue on as RFD art director for this and many subsequent issues until his death from AIDS in the early nineties. F eature L ayout and D esign: W ingheari aka Brady J. P earson

F eature E ditors: S oami and L eopard

Q * M

his was one of the most important moments in my life, as it represents the first time that I ever performed in drag. This was the night that I became British rock diva Annie Lennox.

I have loved costumes and dress up, since I first wore my Woody Woodpecker outfit to go trick or-treating in the mid-1960s. Over time, my childhood adventures as a cartoon character or super hero gave way to teenage years dressing as a pirate, a Boy Scout, a hobo, or a vampire. Reaching adulthood, and becoming a chil dren's librarian, I was able to continue my love of costumes by becoming Jack Frost, Count Dracula, Robin Hood, King Arthur, and numerous other storybook characters. By my late 30s, my evolving sexuality found me dressing in a leather vest, or a harness, or a jockstrap and boots to go out to the bar, for new forms of costum ing and role playing. But drag had always evaded me. Sure, like any gay man, I had seen my share of drag shows. I had certainly appreciated the fabulous art of drag and its amazing transforming powers. I felt, and still do, that drag queens represent costuming at its highest refinement. But it was never anything I wanted to take on. I had never dressed in my mother's clothes as a kid, nor fantasized about wearing my sister's clothes. I liked dressing in a masculine style, wearing boy drag, guy clothes.

In my early 40s, I became intimately involved in the faery move ment, attending a couple of the High Summer Gatherings at aka Amber Fox, in rural Canada. Spending ten days with a close circle of new queer friends allowed me to see the world of drag up close. I watched and listened as the Country-Western star Shy Anne stopped by Amber Fox to sing a ballad of love gone bad. I held my breath as the multi-talented Peaches took on the ethereal form of Karen Carpenter to give life to the alien baby. I sat absolutely mes merized as Rosebud sang her final torch song. And, I kept a watch ful eye when Helga, from Germany, showed up on Fetish Night as a riding crop carrying dominatrix. This was costuming as I had never experienced. It was raw and courageous, and I was smitten. During 2002's Know-Talent Show Night, I performed a spoken word piece, dressed as Blackbeard's cabin boy. But afterwards, as I sat listening and watching the other performers, I knew that the time had finally come for me to enter the world of drag. I spent the next nine or ten months letting that feeling nurture and grow, till it gave birth. As I left North Carolina for Canada, in the summer of 2003,1was ready to push my limits further than I had ever done. I was ready to become a diva. t Amber Fox, I quietly worked on my performance for 2003's show. It would be a two-part act, with part one allowing me to dress as a cowboy to recite a poem. "Buck" my cowboy persona, was a man dealing with his interest in drag, trying hard to convince himself that he was a real man, not a sissy,

and all the while being compelled beyond his will to follow his heart. Part two of my act would have Buck reappear onstage, albeit as a changed man. I knew the song he would have to belt out: the Eurythmics' 1987 hit, I Need a Man.

low performers on stage, and wished I could see Miss Bleu Herring, Chip, Shimmer, Nasty, and Hydrangea Blossom, as they wowed the audience. Black slip on, platinum wig in place, out of place, in place — Jesus, how do drag queens man age to look so fabulous? I was struggling with that wig sunshades on, cowboy boots back on my feet, ready to roll. Out the back door, racing to the front door of the Erection. I had instructed Omni to stand guard at the front door and keep folks away from it, when it was Buck's turn to come back in. Chip knew to have the cd cued and cranked up to a high vol ume. This song needed to rock!

If you've ever seen the video, it's the one in which Annie Lennox dons a blonde wig and stumbles onto a darkly lit stage as a sex-craved, desperate woman. I love that video, with its raunchy lyrics, grind ing base chakra beat, and Annie's perfect performance. It's one of those songs that really makes you want to get fucked by a greasy mechanic or a motorcycle skin head. I knew that this was the only song that Buck could perform, the only song that would capture his years of pent up tension, and longing to have a man take him. When no one was around, I rum maged through the Foxy Boutique's long racks of clothes, searching for just the right pieces of drag for Buck's song. Finally, I settled upon a short, black slip that fit me perfectly. A platinum blonde wig, and jet-setting sunshades would accessorize nicely. And, Buck's cowboy boots and red jockstrap would finish the picture. My drag costume was ready.

s I stood outside under a star-stud ded Canadian sky, I made a little prayer to the Goddess or maybe it was to Annie Lennox herself, and then heard my introduction, “Hey, look! Isn't that Buck? Boy, has he changed!" The music then blasted loud and clear,“Hey, is it my turn? You want me to sing now. Okay....scream!" I kicked open the front door to the Erection with such a force, that I nearly knocked it off its hinges. Omni jumped out of the way, and I ... or Buck ... or Annie entered to gasps and wide-eyed stares.

uring the daylight of August 1st, I The entire four minutes of my second act sat alone in my car while I Need a Cockelf manifesting Annie Man blasted over and over on the cd player, as I perfected are a blur. Those moments flew by, yet seemed like a glorious eter the lip sync and movements. Since I do not sing - at all - Buck nity. I felt so empowered. I felt Buck's longing, his yearning for a would definitely lip sync this song! I was also memorizing Buck's man to take him. I felt Annie's tour de force presence as a rock cowboy poem, all eight verses. There was also a bit of improv diva. I felt my limitations breaking down, my doubts and what ifs wording to think about, so the whole act could have a cool, clean fall away, and I flew. I slid into a groove unlike any I've felt before. flow. I was nervous. Although I often stand in front of large I rocked. I became the music, the song, the drag queen. I became crowds, with my real life work, I was nervous about this perform Annie Lennox and it was magnificent! ance. I was putting myself on the line in a way I had never before. y hips gyrated to the beat. I fucked the support beam to Sure, even if I bombed, my faery friends would still love me and the side of the stage. My hair became tossed and tan clap enthusiastically, but I had set my standard higher than nor gled, my hands reached out for my audience, my shaded mal. I had to do a good job, as perfect as possible, for me. eyes scanned each person as I looked for a man to satisfy Buck's The show opened, with Pinkie serving again this year as our needs. Into that crowd I went, like a tigress after her kill. I sat for a delightful emcee. Buck would appear early in the show, so that I second on Claude's naked lap. I ran my hand across Shimmer's sur would have time to make the costume change for the mysterious prised face. I felt Geneva touch my thigh. I crawled over bodies, second part of my act. I had kept the second part as much a full between chairs, until I found myself face to face with Omni. secret as possible. On stage, I relished the part of Buck. The words flowed from his lips. He was a man, dammit, not no sissy boy. He "I need a man! I need a man!,” I yelled. was a man, who dreamed of being a cowpoke, but yet, sometimes he thought about women's clothing, about the soft silky feel And we strode out the door arm in arm. of... but no!, he was a man, not no faggot! I don't know if the audi ence fully grasped where Buck was coming from or what this first part of my act was clearly about, but they certainly would under stand by the time Buck reappeared. Backstage, I ripped off Buck's Cockelf lives in North Carolina and spends each summer at leather vest, his jeans and cowboy hat, took off his cowboy boots, Anther Vox, in Ontario. He suggests that you check out their and helped him transform into Annie Lennox. I could hear my fel web page at: http://aka.umherfox.ca

hen I broke up with my boyfriend Ray a couple of years ago, I was all bent out of shape. Big time. So I wrote a song about it. My friends gave me great comfort in my time of need, and I wrote a song about that. And when I realized I was still pining for my ol' softball teammate Mike, I wrote a song about him.

Real life has been the inspiration behind my album, BOY HOWDY. So when I met a new guy and was all excited about the prospect of our first date, I wrote a song about that. And when we went on our first date and he told me he was HIV-positive, what do you think I did? I’m Jay, I’m gay, and I live in L.A. I call my musical style "homo pop" me singing about other guys. So on BOY HOWDY, you'll find songs like My Ray, I Like Mike and Cryin'Over Brian. As you see, I began writing and recording as a personal emotion al outlet. I never imagined that there would be any interest in my stuff outside the CDs I was burning for my friends. Then one fateful day, I Googled "gay music" and "gay radio" and that led me to J.D. Doyle's Queer Music Heritage web site. From there I contacted everyone on his list of gay radio producers and DJs. Of course they were happy to have me send 'em a free BOY HOWDY, and soon a lot of them were playing cuts from my album. And the next thing ya know, Boy Howdy was nominated for "Outstanding Album of 2003" by OutMusic, the network of performers, producers, and others who support gay music. And I've been getting press like this: "Your tracks have such huge exuberance, originality and sheer joie de vivre I was grinning all over my face with enjoyment." TOM ROBINSON, BBC6

"Not since, maybe, Randy Newman, have I heard a body of work so packed with unique songs." - MITCH GALLOB, Streeter Music "Los Angeles singer-songwriter Jay Spears is just the kind of troubadour that the gay world needs." - JASON ROUSH, Aug. 28 Bay Windows, "New England's Largest Gay & Lesbian Newspaper" "Boy Howdy is a cheering affirmation of gay love." -JASON VICTOR SERINUS (The New York Blade) My musical style is eclectic in the extreme. Song-writing-wise, I call myself"the gay love-child of Randy Newman and Tom Waits." Lyrically, I tend to use lots of humor. Mainly because I'm a funny guy, but also, I've learned that if you want to say something important, you need to get people's attention, and humor is a good way to do that. As one reviewer put it: "The classic guy's guy, Spears writes and sings from a jockish, happy-go-lucky per spective." Hmm. I like it. Being a totally modern dude, I have plenty of pop influences. My song "I'm Gonna Fall In Love" has musical quotes from the Beatles, The Village People, and even "My Sharona',' but it also has a passage I stole, er, borrowed from George Frederic Handel. "My Ray" has guitar parts ala Queen,"I Like Mike" is a Big Bad Voodoo Daddy swing, and "House On Fire" is all bluegrass, complete with banjo, mandolin, and harmonica. The chorus for "Positive" ("one of the finest songs about the stickiness of status disclosure yet written" per one reviewer) is adapted from a Haydn cello concer to! I have a lot of fun when I play live here in L.A. It's a big city, plen ty diverse, and being gay is certainly no big deal here. But try getting up on stage and singing about it to total strangers! At first I was a bit, um, apprehensive. But to my amazement, every-

body, gay or straight, loves hearing me sing songs from BOY HOWDY. For one thing, my songs all have clear stories, are easy to follow, and have memorable characters in them, like Ray or Mike or Brian. This alone sets me apart from most of the earnest young dudes pounding away on their acoustics in most L.A. clubs. You should see the audience's jaws drop when, after hear ing a bunch of other guys' music, I get up there and haul off with “My Ray"!

Listen U p! Views from Queer Independent Radio

Of course, it's really important to my style that my act is totally PG-13 rated. I treat my love stories just like any other love songs and don't try to raunch them up or gross people out just because they're gay. I want people to relate to my songs, and to me, on an emotional and personal level first, then the sexual side of things can show through. That helps me appeal to a broader audience who are probably less open to raunch, drag, or glam styles.

WLUW is an independent community radio station in Chicago based on Loyola University's campus. Its mis sion is to play independent programs and music not heard on commercial radio. I had started volunteering at WLUW in September of 2002 and had always thought that we needed a show that only played music made by the queer community. We aired news programs and radio magazines for the LGBT community, but no music. Being a music based station, it only made sense. Having met Ali a year earlier, we submitted a proposal for the show in summer '03 and started September ‘03.

But another thing I found, is that there are always plenty of other singer-songwriters in the house when I'm playing. And all of them are aspiring to find some special distinctive truth about themselves to honestly convey in their music. So when they see me get up there and make a big 'ol spectacle of myself, they totally appreciate it. Guys always come up to me at my gigs and want to talk about songwriting, how they've never heard any thing like my stuff, and so on. So of course, I hit on 'em.

It's so important to celebrate queer music. With queer marriage issues at the front lines of politics, reality T.V. and queer themed sitcoms and dramas, I feel the public is more polarized than ever on the subject of queers.The debate is heated, and can get mucked up with personal emotions, religious/moral slants, and judgements. Doing a queer music radio show allows Ali and I to balance the drama with our passion for music.The show is inherent ly political because it celebrates a group that is still con sidered taboo and still has no legal rights. Ali and I are candid and very "out" while on the air. But then again, it's only m usic-it's a relaxing, dancey, and informal art that can be enjoyed while not actively engaged in political discourse.

Okay not really. But that's the old cliche about songwriting:"tell the truth with a good beat and pretty harmonies" and that's what I try to do on BOY HOWDY. Another great joy I have found in the Homosexual Pop Star experience is the amazing people I've met. Dan Navarro of Lowen & Navarro mentored me when I had one song written. Radio dudes like J.D. Doyle, Ms. Chris Wilson, Jimmy Carper, Bill Stella, and Pedro Angel Serrano were great advocates for me, as were guys in the press like Boston's Jason Roush and a promot er in Burlington named Periwinkle. Then at the OutMusic Awards, I, the total rookie and west-coast outsider, was practically adopted by the folks in New York. Artists who have been around the gay music block a lot more than me, like Jade Estrada, Robert Urban, Jon Gilbert Leavitt,and even leg endary Ron Romanovsky and Paul Phillips, OutMusic movers & shakers like Ed Mannix and Dan Martin, even Detroit's Aaron Carl and the wacky guys from Chicago's Super-8 C*m Shot made me feel warm and gushy all over.

Ali and I play a mix of styles: punk, rock, house, techno, folk, indie. Most of our playlist has bands that have queer members. We also play music that isn't made by a LGBT musician, but has themes that are related. Example: "Pink Triangle" by Weezer is about Rivers Cuomo bemoaning the fact that he fell in love with a lesbian, even though he should've known his love wouldn't be returned. All in all, we're just a couple of gay-ass Dj's playing gay-ass music, and we love it.

Of course, like everyone these days, I sell BOY HOWDY on the internet at jayspears.com - I describe it as "Fun grooves, extracrispy guitars, juicy harmonies -- and gay as a $3 bill. What's not to like?"and no, I'm not related to Britney. Although her family's from Louisiana and my dad is from Alabama so you never know -- we might very well have a mutual indiscretion in our past.

Think Pink can be heard in Chicago on WLUW 88.7 fm Tuesdays from 6:30 to 8 pm. If you are not in Chicago, it can also be heard on the station's webcast at www.wluw.org and clicking on "listen live." Email us at thinkpink@wluw.org We love getting submissions! Send any music to:

We recently shot a music video for I Like Mike. (Think swing dancing ballplayers.) And that is the story of how I came to be the fine successful Homosexual Pop Star, in my own mind, that you see before you today.

Erik&Ali/Think Pink WLUW 6525 N Sheridan Rd. Chicago, IL 60626

Jay Spears lives in Los Angeles ami his album is called “Boy Howdy!" Contact Itim online at jay(ajayspears. com or www.jayspears.com Photo Credit: Jay Spears 19

Passionate

recollections and helpful hints from

New York City. A cold winter Sunday in 1965. I'm fifteen years old, a pimply geeky overweight four-eyed kid in a huge hand-me-down winter coat, a cheap grey suit, oversized black shoes, 80% polyester white shirt, 100% polyester grey/blue tie. I leave home before 8AM and arrive at the Opera House before 9. There are at least 50 people ahead of me, reading The New York Times or thick classic novels in a variety of languages, having animated conversaÂ tions, trying to stay warm in the windy deserted street along the old nondescript brick building. Some have brought folding chairs; others, like me, just lean against the building and wait. I'm on that line over ten hours, with a few breaks for bathroom visits and hot soup. Excitement builds all day, conversations becoming more and more animated. I count the money in my polyester pocket again yes, I have two dollar bills and two quarters, ready to go. No, I didn't spend either of the quarters on lunch. Yes, I have a subway token, too, for the late night ride home to Brooklyn. Yes, I have two dollar bills and two quarters, ready to go. Yep, still there. And then, the big moment. A window opens in the building. The line moves. A uniformed man takes my two dollar bills

and two quarters, hands me a ticket. I look at it, barely believing my eyes. The ticket says Metropolitan Opera House - Orchestra Standing Room - Giordano's "Andrea Chenier'.' It doesn't refer to the main reason I'm there. The lead roles are to be sung by Renata Tebaldi and Franco Corelli, and I'm seeing them both for the very first time. Tebaldi! Star soprano of half the opera records I've borrowed from the library and listened to over and over and over. A voice of warm compassion, that makes me feel she understands the suffering of human life in this world - not only understands it, and relives it musically, but relieves it with the sweetness of her sound. Plus there's her reputation, with Maria Callas, as one of the two great rival divas on the planet. Tonight, Tebaldi is about to sing, and I've been here waiting all day, and now I have my ticket, and I'm going to get in! Corelli! Dashing 6'2" tenor who looks so matinee-idol-gorgeous in tunics and tights on his album covers. The one whose long vocal lines lift me up like a bodysurfer's next wave, take my breath away, then let me down gently as he and I take our next breath at the same time. The one whose seriousness matches my adolescent angst perfectly, whose high notes go on and on and on, so strong and unforced that the sound hardly seems human, and at the

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Mountaine

same time is so very human that it breaks my heart. The one whose soft caressing phrases make me melt, filling my mind with unthinkable feelings of both desire and satisfaction. When the opera house opens, there's a mad dash among the standees to claim their favorite spots along the rails that line the sides of the pricey orchestra seats. I'm too late to lean on a rail - those coveted places go to the people who spent their entire Saturday night in sleeping bags on 38th Street. No matter. I'm here! At 8 the conductor emerges in the orchesÂ tra pit and takes a quick bow, and the story of the poet Andrea Chenier and his part in the French Revolution begins to unfold. A few moments later, there is Tebaldi herself onstage. As soon as she appears, there's a huge ovation. She is in her 40s, but I have no trouble suspending my disbelief, accepting that she's a silly French girl who doesn't want to get dressed up for her mother's stuffy upper class party. The party guests begin to arrive, and among them is Corelli. Another huge ovation for his entrance. He begins his first aria, and I'm melting. His voice is so much more exciting live than it ever sounded on those scratchy but tantalizing library records. By the second act, soprano and tenor have fallen in love, and sing the first of two love

Q ;«* M duets. I've listened to this music enough times that I can mouth the words, feeling like a participant in a 3-way, as the voices (and my breath) intertwine, soar high and loud, then fall back in soft romantic phrases, sometimes blending perfect ly and sometimes with a competitive tone that seems to say 'Anything you can sing, I can sing louder, higher, bet ter, longer! The duet reaches its cli mactic high note, and the crowd goes wild. I scream, bang my hands togeth er, not caring how absurd I might look to someone watching, totally immersed in the thrill of the moment. The applause seems endless. Eternal.

show sung in a language that most audi ence members don't understand. Why do I like this stuff? What's the attraction??? Here are a few thoughts...

The classic book on the subject is "The Queen’s Throat," by Wayne Koestenbaum, subtitled "Opera, Homosexuality, and the Mystery of Desire' (Da Capo Press, 1993). It is an opera queen's clever confessional. The author lists hundreds of anecdotes of crazed opera fanatics - including himself - revealing the fetishes of hetero and homo alike whose lives have revolved around worshiping their favorite singers. He wonders whether the attraction of opera queens to divas and divos may become obsolete as we move toward a time when "the closet" is ancient history. His conclusion: hopefully not. "The drag queen does not give up his drag," he muses, "just because he has cracked its code.” Bravo!

The opera ends with the two pro claiming, "Viva la morte insiem." Long live death together! On the last sylla ble, a final climactic triumphant high note is held almost forever by both singers, then the final orchestra chords portray them being marched out to the guillotine. When the curtain comes down, and the footlights come on for curtain calls, I burst out of the standing room area and get as close to the stage as I can, screaming "Bravo" for Corelli,"Brava" for Tebaldi,"Bravi''for both. I follow some of my new standingroom friends around the corner to the stage door. After a short wait, the guard lets us in. The halls are very narrow. Orchestra players and choristers squeeze by, wishing each other good night. Round a corner, and there's Corelli, standing out side his dressing room. He signs my pro gram, and I swoon from the thrill of eye contact. Tebaldi prefers to sit at her make up table, where she has a large stack of glossy publicity photos to give to her fans. She smiles at me (as sweetly as she smiled at Andrea Chenier onstage!), signs a photo and hands it to me. That photo will be treasured for the rest of my life. The next day, back in high school, my throat is hoarse, my hands are blistered. It takes days to heal. No matter. The healing is part of cementing the memory, stretch ing the experience, saving me from a bor ing Social Studies class as I stare out the window and daydream: Life is grand. Life is grand opera. Grand opera is bigger than life. It's certainly bigger than mine... Okay, you might ask, what's the big deal? Two middle-aged Italian singers showing off how much crazy noise they can make, and 4,000 crazy people going crazy over a

that lots of homos loved opera. I just knew that opera made me feel alive like nothing else. Later I discovered that gay guys had a disproportionate attraction to certain art forms, including opera. But why?

Corelli in Met Werther Even as a pimply teenager, I was aware that opera let me indulge in larger-than-life emotions. When I breathed along and mouthed the words with Corelli, feelings were stirred up that were not part of my repressed, closeted, somewhat paranoid day-to-day experience. When he and Tebaldi proclaimed eternal love with their amazing voices, that kind of love seemed possible in my little life too. Now that I'm out of my teenage years, I no longer rely on opera to add romance and adventure to my life - happily (gratefully), I've got some of that myself. But at a great operatic performance, I get just as excited as I used to. For me, opera is one of many ways to go beyond myself, to experience life in a higher-than-"normal" gear, to adjust my attitude and widen my perspec. tive, to enter an altered state of conscious ness and soar. And then there's the queer angle. Back in 1965 I knew I was "different! that I didn't fit anywhere in the would-be macho world of high school boys. I didn't have a label yet for my differentness, and I sure didn't know

In an introduction to the 2001 edition of "The Queen's Throat! playwright Tony Kushner ("Angels in America") says the book "makes an irrefutable claim for the necessity of the unnecessary, it helps us locate our plausible selves in the implau sible, in opera." Queers loving opera because it's as abnormal as we are? I can relate! A more recent essay on the subject is in Paul Robinson's book "Opera, Sex, and other Vital Matters" (University of Chicago Press, 2002). The author views the opera queen through Freudian eyes. A sample: "Operatic singing is distinctly sexual. This strenuously produced, erotically charged sound is deployed, in the majority of operas, to give expression to the charac ter's deepest emotions, to say precisely and emphatically just what the character feels, to speak, as it were, the character's profoundest identify." Like me, Robinson sees the love of opera as a way to explore for bidden feelings. Clearly, not all opera lovers are queer guys, and not all queer guys love opera. Many just don't get it. From reading the cher ished memory that began this article, you can tell that I consider a taste for opera well worth acquiring. Life is short. Some of us think opera is worth taking the time to discover while we're here on this planet. Try it you just might like it!.

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Initiate Clearly, not all opera lovers are queer guys, and not all queer guys love opera. Many just don't get it. Opera is an acquired taste, and lots of people haven't acquired it. So if you're uninitiated and curious, here's what I'd suggest: Listen to recordings of great opera singers, singing anything they chose to record. No, not Charlotte Church, and not even Andrea Bocelii, although both have sweet voices. For tenors - to start somewhere - you m ight listen to Pavarotti in his prime (before 1990), Jussi Bjoerling, Fritz Wunderlich, Juan Diego Florez, Carlo Bergonzi, or Franco Corelli. Or you could check out Opera For Dummies, which comes with a CD of well-performed operatic excerpts. Or choose one aria - perhaps Nessun dorma from Turandot - and find lots of different versions to compare. (Make sure to hear Bjoerling's before you think someone else does it best!) Follow along with the libretto (the printed words) a few times, so you have a general sense of what feelings are being expressed. Then listen again with your eyes closed. Im agine the character being portrayed, expressing emotions through the music. As you get to know the melody, try breathing with the singer. Notice the musical line (the ebb and flow of melody) that is created with each breath, and the emotion that comes through that line. Get in synch with that emotion - see if it feels good, uplifting, even healing. Listen to a complete opera (or watch one on TV). Learn about the story, the historical background, the composer and his/her style, the singers, the production. Follow along with the words. When the action slows down and a singer has a solo (aria) where the em otions get expanded, practice breathing along, feeling the melodic line. Sure, all this takes time. But like I said, opera is an acquired taste, so it takes time to acquire it. finally, go to a live opera. Study and listen as in step 3 before you go. Choose carefully, because your level of enjoyment will depend largely on whether the performance is transcendent or just pleasant. Of course, that's not totally predictable, even given the finest artists; that's why it feels like magic when it does happen! But feel free to email me if you're wondering about your choice. Tell me what opera you're thinking of going to, what opera company is doing it, and the date. I'll check out the details on the Internet and help steer you toward something you're likely to enjoy. Mountaine can be reached at mjonas nm adison.m ain.nc.us. He is thrilled to be the new President of the Board of RFD Press Photo Credits: Page 20 Renata Tebaldi Page 21 Franco Corelli Above: Mountaine as the Servant in La Traviata making his operatic debut and farewell in the same 1994 Florida Grand Opera production, while serving as the company's Director of Finance and Administration

Meet My Friend,

Story and photo by Bob Burnside Or maybe you've already met him at a Wolf Creek or Breitenbush gathering, a Circle of Loving Companions, Body Electric class, poetry reading, a bookmaking workshop or played with him at Eros. "One of my biggest problems is finding time for all I want to do, "complains he, one of our lifestyle's most fervent participants. Jim e's morning rituals invite love force to enter areas where it might be scarce, like work. He prays to gods and goddesses to realign himself to his values while dancing naked and chants "to wake up my voice," a unique one that the world really needs right now. His interest in the soulful meaning of words led him to an actual college degree in poetry and is celebrated on his new self-pro duced CD. The Lord's Weiner,' written when he was 19, makes irreverent fun imagining the specter of the Lord coming to town with a raging hardon and how we would show our devotion. Jim e's lyrics might seem shocking to those entertained by what passes for popular music, even rap, but to us, he puts words to things we might have dreamed about or always known to be true. His indictment of the unconsciousness of circumcision reflects our own, but he wants his back! And asks "Why?" trying to wake up parents. It's hard enough being born into this world without suffering dick damage as well. Jim e's many LSD experiences as a teen helped him prepare for his job with autistic, and other special-needs, children. He's a born teacher and gives us an entertaining anatomy lesson in 'Smooth Brain,' expands our ass consciousness in 'Rosebud Lullaby' and leads a playful trip, using big words, down past the useful parts of our throat in 'Laryngeal Love Song.' Jim e's sweetness is mediated with a brutal description of an abusive relationship in the poem, ‘Masks.’ But after all done to him and all he imagines doing to her in retribution, he chooses forgiveness. After coming up with the lyrics, Jim e teamed with the hairy legged lesbian witch, Denise, who worked with him playing mandolin, guitar and banjo and is the harmonizing voice you hear. She, along with other friends, helped put his words to music. About himself, Jim e had this to say: "I'm a San Francisco based creature whose music is essentially born from poetry. In younger years, I got a BA and MFA in Poetry Writing and taught poetry and performance poetry at the

University of Oregon. At this, point, music has become more cen tral. I'm basically a lyricist and melody maker. My new CD is a selection from twenty years of stuff. It includes 13 songs and 2 poems. Friends took care of the musical harmonies and instru mentation. Collaborating with them has been both joyful and deepened my sense of musical layering. Some of the poems and lyrics have appeared in earlier books:Sucking Bananas (my mas ter's thesis) and The Rosebud Diaries (a poetry/photography book devoted to my ass as the beloved).'' The material on the CD reflects various life themes. Spiritual practice is most directly reflected in the songs Amu and Unconditional Love. Amu is one of many inner guides. I experi ence him as a metaphor for living with the awareness of the impermanence of all things. I experience life as a mystery and feel devoted to serving the love force in the universe to the best of my ability. My spiritual outlook is value based, rather than belief centered, and Unconditional Love is meant to reflect that. Sexuality surfaces a lot: Fuck Me Lovingly(an integration of erot ic and heart chakras, if you will), The Rosebud Lullaby(a) lullaby for my asshole),The Lord's Weiner(a) trickster piece, poking fun at Christianity. It's also the oldest piece on the CD, written when I was 19). The body is here a lot, both sensually(l Love My Armpits, Circumcision- pro foreskin politics) and scientifically! Smooth Brain, A Laryngeal Love Song). Relationships, in the varied forms, are of central importance to me so also naturally surface in my music(Sweet Warm Lover, Triscuit's Tune, Easy Ihrough the Years, Welcome to the Bay). As much of my life is taken up with working as a speech thera pist with special ed kids in public schools, I don't really live the typical life of a musician. I'm early to bed on week nights, only perform occasionally, and yet music is still central to my spiritual practice and daily life. ---------------------------------( f a * -----------------------------If you'd be interested in checking out his CD, send 10 dollars(includes postage) to Jim Cartwright 2263 Market St Apt # 1 San francisco, Ca 94114. His e-mail contact is sparklejCa’earthlink.net

Q ,v M

25 YEARS WITH A Glam Rock God By Dogwood Bark

robably the earliest memory I have of David Bowie was his 1977 appearance on "Bing Crosby’s Merrie Olde Christmas" television show. I was ten years old and the program was already in progress as I crept down the stairs to our living room to catch a glimpse of the effete rock star (ne David Jones on Elvis' birthday, January 8, 1947) I had heard about only once or twice in my sheltered, Catholic, Connecticut life. Peering between the bannister posts I took him in for a few minutes, in all his black and white glory. "I, I will be king. And you, you will be queen. For nothing will drive them away. We can beat them just for one day. We can be heroes just for one day." 'he song was a sublime anthem of pure emotion that pulsed with shimmering guitars and David’s yelping, anx ious vocal. Dressed simply in slacks and a shirt, he obviously had the body of a man, but as he sang about two lovers divid ed by the Berlin Wall, the quiver in his voice and the contor tions of his face hinted at the woman that seemed to coexist inside him. It was as if he embodied the tortured man and woman he sang about, divided halves embracing across a manmade divide and looking toward a unified future. I was thrilled and fascinated but at the same time a little disturbed.

Nonetheless, something about him was now stuck inside me, reverberating in my head and turning me on against my will. Stunned, I trotted off to bed, not quite sure of what I had just seen or felt. It was as if that image in the t.v. had cast a spell on me--its cathode ray's transmittals from an exotic, yet familiar place, settling in my heart and altering my brain chemistry for ever. In hindsight it’s clear what was going on. Although I was chubby,awkward and lonely, this gorgeous androgyne remind ed me of myself. y earlier acquaintances with the Divine David were spare, but telling. A couple years before the Bing show, I came across David’s 1975 album, "Young Americans," his trailblazing venture into disco and soul, at National’s True Value in the Stafford Shopper's Plaza. Done up like a sexy Hollywood starlet with glowing, feathered hair, no eyebrows and glossy lips, he held a smoking cigarette and vamped in my direction, daring me to guess, "man, woman, or something in between?" I would stare at that record many times and fantasize about owning it until it eventually disappeared from the racks. As the seventies drew to a close, David retreated to Berlin, where he nursed his drug habits and recorded a trilogy of truly experi mental albums with the sonic wizard Brian Eno. Never a big star in the States, David's blend of schizophrenically diverse musical styles and pansexual posturing receded into esoteric cult sta tus. o for most of my childhood it was hard to hear much Bowie music on the radio. Not until age thirteen did I know several of his more famous songs, prompting me to buy his hits album. Only then did I sample David's glam rock incar-

Q nations as Ziggy Stardust Aladdin Sane, Halloween Jack, and the Thin White Duke. I was too young to experience the origi nal waves of Bowie madness that had swept up those truly dar ing glam freaks and curious queers of ten years before. I didn't care--l had finally found a rock star whose bewitching, isolated creations lived in worlds I wanted to visit and, increasingly, inhabit myself. A friend lent me her older sister's cassette of 1972’s “Ziggy Stardust* the sensational pre-punk concept album about an am biguo usly gendered extra terrestrial who alights on Earth, attaining mes sianic rock star dom and even tually selfimploding. My older brother passed on to me 1 9 7 4 ' s

eled in his stardom. At the time I couldn't face my nascent desire to sleep with boys, so I busied myself with nerdy drama club friends, homework, and of course my record collection. Bowie's music and the ruse of new wave posing were my only vaguely sexual outlets. Celibate and drug-free, I was David’s vestal virgin, fanning the flame of devotion by wearing eyelin er and thrift shop clothes to school, or by painting up for the school talent show like Boy George, another sexless Bowie spawn. I didn't know what gave me the urge to fern out, but it made me feel like I was telling an ignorant and boring world

"D i a m o n d

something important about myself. It made me feel real, like I was breathing for the first time.

Dogs," a proto goth chronicle of a post-apoca Throughout the lyptic world dull ache of my still pre-fag colteeming with mutants and lege years and The Author, Dogwood Bark J then the unclos coked-up, halfstarved gigolos. I bought a tee shirt that showcased the cover eted, yet unfulfilling haze of my San Francisco party years, of 1980's "Scary Monsters" and quickly made it my second skin. Bowie took an artistic and commercial nosedive, producing Here was David painted white like a forsaken, New Romantic very little music of any interest to me. Not until settling in New Pierrot, aptly illustrating the album's jagged, punkish songs York in 1995, where I embraced the faeries, the occult, and psy and their gasping, shrieking lyrics about depression, mental ill chotherapy (lots of it), did I begin to understand my own spiri tually androgynous nature. I came to the conclusion that I ness and loneliness. I had found my man. loved men despite the many Berlin Walls they constructed to s it turned out, my pop culture timing was right on. By the impede true intimacy. I also realized that the drag and muscle, 'early eighties, most kids in high school were either into sex and drug cultures that gay life seemed to specialize in metal or new wave. The more stylish and unpopular of the two, were, for me, only extreme, superficial representations of the I chose the latter. New wave was really just a marketable, inner androgyny that I sensed within myself, and which really watered-down hybrid of punk rock, dance, fashion and rebel made me "queer". Almost simultaneously, David had gotten off lion that owed a huge debt to the earlier work of La Bowie, drugs and resuscitated his career, creating music that made undoubtedly the first rock star to willfully dye his hair orange, him sound psychologically integrated and somehow, content. magenta/orange/blond,then blond again. At that time, anyone I now had the chance to see him in concert numerous times, cool wanted to look like a wan Englishman and sport some happily remarried to a supermodel, but playfully fey at the kind of garish dye job or funky haircut. Questioning gender same time. Perhaps he had done his own explorations of gen and sexuality was also an unspoken part of the deal, an area der and psyche? David had already covered with his open, bisexual marriage Ithough I still struggle to find my own particular niche in and the simulated blowjob he repeatedly gave guitarist Mick la now socially acceptable, yet spiritually barren queer Ronson on stage. culture, I have faith in my own blending of traditionally femi ut those days were long gone. Never one to miss an nine traits like sensitivity, creativity and compassion with tradi ^ opportunity, in 1983 David took a couple steps back and tionally masculine traits like persistence, sincerity and self toned down his nelly image with a frosty blond mane, tanned assertion. A bit like the characters in Bowie's "Heroes," I honor skin and lots of pastel suits, denying his bisexuality and putting my place at the artificially imposed borderline between the out a hugely successful dance album produced by Nile sexes, taking the opportunity to magnify the humanity that Rodgers, of Chic fame. Reagan-era David was laughable in com connects us, instead of the barriers that divide us. parison to the aggressive posing of Ziggy or the whorish allure of Halloween Jack, but he also gave me my first opportunity to Contact Dogwood at Dogwoodieiahotniail.com lay eyes on my idol in concert. Bowie was now cool, and I rev

Q **‘M

Talking

An Interview with Pedro A ngel S errano Gay skinhead per formance poet, 'ZINE PUBLISHER AND RADIO PRESENTER OF

"Generation Q" on WRSU OUT OF Newark NJ. straight skin I ever met. A good guy. He's no longer with us but you can read about him in a book called Skinhead Nation.There's also a memorial website..

Have you always identified as a gay skinhead?

I found out the music I was listening to was Punk rock when I was 18 or 19 years of age.That was in 1977/1978,1didn't hear about skinheads till the early'80s. I had started to have sex with guys and going to gay bars while also listening to Punk Rock. Punk was starting to develop into Hardcore punk then. There were bands (Cro mags,War Zone, Agnostic Front) that had a Skinhead following. I related to a lot of what the bands were singing about: alienation, being judged and wanting a better life. I was weird kid. I refused to believe that The Village People were gay - they didn't sing about being with guys! But bands like The Big Boys, The Dicks, and The Buzzcocks - that was gay!! I had no patience for innuendo. Why should I when Peter Shelley [lead-singer of The Buzzcocks] wrote a song with lyrics that went: "Rough Boys! Come over here/ I wanna bite and kiss you"

Did he help you come out or integrate your identities?

Hmmm. When I met him I was already out. Or at least honest. As for integrating my identities I haven't given that much thought. I remember Donny telling me he wanted to start a Gay Skinhead Crew. I told him I wasn't down with that because I already had a crew. I also didn't see the point of another gay ghetto.

"Living in the United States, for me, is an

opportunity to fight for the liberty and

Did you grow up in New Jersey?

Yup, born and raised in Newark. Childhood memories include rats racing across the floor, cockroaches the size of beer cans, and cherry blossoms in the spring at Branch Brook Park.

rights of folks in other parts of the world."

I believe you said you're a Skinhead first and queer second, is that true?

That's correct. Skin first, gay a close second. It makes sense, queer can be almost any other social identity, It says nothing about one's socio economic grouping or relationship to overall society, whereas being a skinhead certainly does.

True. Skinhead is also a culture. Being gay is something I don't have to think about. Despite what homophobic folks still believe I don't flip a coin every morning to decide what genitalia to go for that day!

What was the earliest music you were into?

I remember being five or six years old and listening to jazz on the radio at night. Also the Jungle book soundtrack "look for those bear necessities!"

How much difficulty do you encounter being accepted by other Skins as queer?

When did you first run into other queer skins?

I met a guy named Stephen Donaldson in the mid-80s. he was also known as Donny the Punk. He was a fixture on the New York Punk scene. In the early 1990's he shaved his head and started calling himself a Skinhead. He was bisexual and was the first non

I'm tolerated by some, accepted by others. I've been told that I have a reputation across the U.S. and that it's a good one. My being gay is something that I've known for a couple of decades now. When news got out that I was gay there was an effort by one local NJ skin to have me"eliminated."Nothing came of it, too many other skins either didn't care or said they didn't approve of

Q a M my being eliminated. I can't say I had any real problems. But then again, I’ve been told l‘m an incredibly cool guy! What do you see as essential to your Skinhead philosophy? Is this mirrored by other skins?

This is a thorny question. I see it differently than I did when I was a kid. I see it now as something for kids to take seriously so they can experience taking something seriously in their lives. Then they take other things seriously, like family, career etc. It's a path to adulthood. When folks asked me “Why Skinhead?" my stan dard response was "It made more sense than being a Gay Republican." Now I say "Because I’m not a Drag Queen." If I was a little drag queen at heart I would have found myself a Drag "Mother," evolve a Drag personality and even gotten a second name. No, I was a frus trated , short-tempered little Skinhead. I found myself at a punk rock show with about six bux in my pocket, mostly in quar ters. As I handed my money to the guy at the door, a big Skinhead with a deadpan expres sion, said "we don't accept change." Part of me wanted to shrink back but what came out of my mouth was "Make an exception!" The guy laughed, slapped my chest with an open hand and let me in. It was the first time I got 7praise for being assertive. As opposed to the gay bar scene where I got attention for being cute.

bands perform. I try to provide an example for young Skinheads on how to deal with what people think. Making tracks for them to carry is one example that answers people's questions. Is there a strong queer Skinhead community: locally, nationally, internationally, on the net?

There is a "queer skinhead" presence on the net but what I find on the net is not what I'd call Skinhead. Most of it seems to be gay guys who like guys with shaved heads and boots. Which of course is a beautiful thing. Most of them are also into heavy SM, as well as getting pissed on... which of course is a beautiful thing. I am not a member of this community. For those guys it is a fetish and a fashion. As I said before, it is not about fashion, it's about function. How the look and culture transmit who you are and the role you play in life, not the bedroom or dungeon. There are Skinheads that are gay who are into SM who go to shows and socialize and are involved in the local scenes, but they seem to be in the minority. There's a website called Queer Skinhead Brotherhood which is non-fetish. Also Kweer Skin Canada website is more about the culture.There are a handful of skin head that are gay in New York and Philadelphia, P.A. that I hang out and go to shows with and other gay Skinheads that I know in other parts of the U.S. When did you start performing?

Skinheads as a rule are patriotic, nationalistic and working class. But not exclusively so. They can be overtly political, or non-political which means they sing about being working class but don't go to protests.The values, his tories, biographies are transmitted through the music. If you have a broad enough col lection you'll get a broad spectrum of ideas. I consider myself a patriot, but I don't ascribe to that "I love my country but hate my gov ernment" crap - I AM the government! At least I'm supposed to be. Living in the United States, for me, is an opportunity to fight for the liberty and rights of folks in other parts of the world.That's why I consider groups like Amnesty International to be profoundly patriotic. There's something Martin Luther King Jr. expressed in his "Letters from a Birmingham Jail": Never again can we afford to live with the nar row, provincial "outside agitator" idea. Anyone who lives inside the United States can never be considered an outsider anywhere in this country." I have little patience for anyone who says they love America but doesn't vote.They are deluded at best, and part of the problem at worst. How do you deal with the common perception that equates the Skin look with racists? This must be something you deal with a lot in New Jersey.

I take it for granted that people think I'm a Nazi. I no longer men tion that I'm a Skinhead in press releases, it strips too many gears in the head of folks who read it. But there's little that can be done outside of what traditional non-racialist skins have always done: make music, publish 'zines, organize shows and not have racist

I had a band called HWA, short for "Homos with Attitude'.' I'd like to do a band again. Don't remember when the spoken word started. There were poetry readings locally and I started to attend. I got in the habit of telling stories there, got feedback and forged a style. While watching a band I'd go up and tell stories if a guitar string broke. Over time I was asked to perform as a featured per former. Who inspired you?

There was a gay man called Quentin Crisp. He recorded an album in 1978 called "An evening with Quentin Crisp." He wasn't the first story teller I had heard but he made an enormous impres sion,funny and with a point to make.Henry Rollins comes a close second as someone who set an example for me. How long have you been writing?

Not very long or very consistently, Started writing essays for 'zines in 1995. What genres have you explored?

Mostly essays and music reviews. A friend told me I should become a sociologist, I asked him what a sociologist does and he said "what you do only they get paid." I'd like to write fiction and screen plays for TV or film. I've had a life and my spoken word and essays come out of that, but lately I've been coming up with stories that can only be told as fiction. What attracts me to screen plays is the visual story telling in film. And IV, in my opin ion, is in need of a working class gay character. I'm not presently (Continued on next page)

Q living in a manner that makes writing easy. No computer and houseless not homeless, but to write I need silence and, as was said of all writers, "money and a room of my own."

trM You are involved with a queer radio program in NYC also, what is that?

Out-FM is a progressive queer radio program on WBAI in New York. It's a continuation of gay programming on WBAI that pre-dates Stonewall by four years. It's an hour long and Cb* U A l n attempts to provide a progressive perspective jKIflilGdU. for the gay communities. .

"When folks asked

Who is the target audience for your words?

Whoever finds it of use. Part of what I'd like to accomplish is provide an example to activists as to how to reach folks outside the progressive, activist ghetto.

//««.•

IT1G, Wily .a

My standard response W3S,

When did the radio show start? How did you get involved with college radio?

It made ITIOre th a n

h o in n

Is your program available on the web?

Generation Q can be heard on http://www.wrsu.org. Outfm.org is the WBAI show.

1990,1think. It's a long story. I was living in S C l I S e m a n U e in ^ d What do you do to entertain yourself? New Brunswick, N.J. in a house with other p h li r-\v \" punks and Skinheads.One morning I saw the v j 3 y n e p U D I I C d M . I like listening to music and being sponta city vandalized with swastikas spray-painted neously creative. Drawing, photography, writ all over town. The local police were not ing and seeing bands play. Don't like watching amused, they paid a visit to the house and wanted to speak to much TV, it interferes with my writing. But Futurama, Insomnia me about it because I had put up anti-racist fliers.They were con with Dave Atell and The Daily Show cheers me up after watching vinced that I knew who it was. I didn't, but they didn't buy that. I BBC World News, Frontline and Now With Bill Moyers. knew of a gay radio show on WRSU 88.7 so I went to tell my tale to the Central New Jersey area. One week later I ran into one of What do you do to relax? the hosts. He wanted me to come back and tell more stories I like silence in the morning. Hot baths are great too, especially in about my life as a Skinhead that is gay and winter. As a kid I used to go into a wooded the further adventures of my Skinhead bud- ® MOBS area, but there is no place locally that hasn't dies. So I got a slot telling stories. Then I did been 'developed'and I miss that. "I stood still the news and eventually I got a show of my and was a tree amid the wood, knowing the own. truth of things unseen before.. That's Robert Frost, not mine, he expressed the experience Did you come up with the phrase "Not your dad's for me perfectly though. When I was young I was fascinated by Bonsai, I wasn't able to do it gay radio show"? so I forgot about it but I've been buying young Why yes I did! Also: "Generation Q - Using plants and am growing them, I need to find a your awesome bitch power for good instead place to grow them properly, but looking at of evil."The official mission statement though the plants and seeing them as they may be in is "Generation Q - a positive, progressive and five, twelve or thirty years both calms me and humane culture for the 21st century." pulls me into the future.... You play a mix of music, is it mostly gay artists?

vi.tr.c^-r ---S

That's right.

■ <'.. Who are your favorites?

Sketch by Pedro Angel Serrano

Y'all, Yolanda, The Low Budgets, Myles of s Destruction, Freddy Freeman, Betty, Kia, Juha .... Man I could fill a page.

LISTEN (

Up! :

For a comprehensive online archive of queer music over the past several decades, check out J. D. Doyle's website, www. Queermusicheritaqe.com, which is based on a monthly radio show he presents. The pro qram airs live out of Houston, but the station is netcast, so anyone in the world can hear it while it is airing; anyone with a fast internet connection can'stream” all the past shows. That's four full years worth so far. There are also lots of extra interviews and segments on the site.

-------------------------■&*'-----------------------

Leopard is a regular contributor to RFD and a musician himsellf He lives in Tennessee.

Views from Queer Independent Radio Both the radio show and the web site are a labor of love and with each monthly show he adds more and more photos and references to the history of LGBT music. ’I cover all genres, all years, all GLBT, and even straight artists if their songs are dealing with GLBT subjects. There’s so much I had to add, like a search engine on the home page for people to find stuff. I seem to be the only show and site trying to preserve the history of our music, I wish there were more, as there's so much to cover, and I never run out of ideas.” says Doyle.

Check out the”Queer Music Heritage" radio show site: http://www.queermusicheritage.com or the Outradio site: http://www.queermusicheritage.com/outradio.html and co-producer of Audiofile, the monthly radio review of CDs of interest to the GLBT communities, airing on over 150 stations around the world on This Way Out. The Audiofile site is at www.Audiofile.org and all past Audiofile segments are archived at http://www.queermusicheritage.com/af.html

Q *»‘M

I have been a dj for the past 20 years in various capacities. No, I don't currently have a residency at any club, but I love to play music for the faeries. I started when I lived in Berkeley, CA, dj ing at an all-ages gay club called ''The Mix'.' I mostly played oldies, which was a mash-up of disco, funk, new wave and other fun stuff. Over the years I have added different types of music to what I enjoy playing.

You know that moment when you are out dancing with your faerie friends and a song comes on that makes you want to boogie your butt off? There's just something about that melody, the beat, the sound, because it feels like it connects you with those around you. MMM hmm I know it too. Since the dawn of time, human-kind has gathered together to dance and to celebrate life. The Faeries are no different. Whether on the Pavilion at Short Mt. or the Pavilion on Fire Island; the full-moon raves of Thailand or in the gay clubs all over the world; we are everywhere. We are the shape shifters, time travelers, healers and crafts-folk who come to the dance floor and chill room to heal ourselves, our planet and each other... Our mantra is the melody, the rhythm, the beat, the sound. A DJ has the ability to call up many different emotions inside each of us. Electronic music has it's roots deep in the queer psyche. From the old school dj's in Chicago, Detroit and the UK who first helped to popularize what was known as house music to the current crop of queer electro dj's in Berlin and NYC, we are everywhere. While mainstream American musical culture focuses much of the musical energy on rock and roll and hip hop and pop, the queer electronic music underground is growing...

While I love what I do for fun , I have mixed feelings about it at times. A sanctuary is just that, a place away from the world of technology and the complications that come with it. While there has been ongoing debate as to the role of having elec tronic music at Short Mt during gatherings, you can blame me or thank me. I clearly remember that first day on the grassy knoll at Short Mt. Beltaine five years ago with the sweet sounds of ambient music coming out of the equipment I had lugged from CA to TN. From then on it's been a whirlwind of gather ings with a dance as a focal point. My personal feeling is that there should Continue to be dance parties, but that other than one grand dance during gatherings, we should moderate the use of electronic music. Here is a short list of music for bathtime and bedroom that might tickle your ears:

When I look inside and ask why I started djing in the first place, my answer is simple. I feel that djing is my way to channel what is going on in the world around me. I'm not very good with words, but with music I feel that I can express the joy I see around me, the anger that we all sometimes feel, the love I have, and general silly moods I am in. I feel that I am a mirror of those around me when I am spinning vinyl or CDs.The dj is a mirror to the audience, a reflector of the soul and light energy that is moving around the room at the time. I choose the tracks to play based upon what the mood is in the room at the time. I can play dark or light, fast or slow, it all depends on the set and setting. When parties are held with intent and focus, they work as a catalyst to heal those who are involved in them.

The* Orb Badorb albums Blue States Man Mountain Bluetech Prima Materia Stoned Asia Compilations All of them. Boards of Canada Musk Has a Right to Children Big Chill Compilations English festival with amarinq downtempo artists Zero 7 ■Simple Things Fragile State - The Facts fir The Dreams Ulrich Schnauss Far Away trains passinq by.. Bent Everlasting Blink lem on Jelly self titled album Steve Hillage Rainbow Dome Music One or two of my mi * cd's A n y t h i n g on t h e s e l a b e l s is t a s t y : S i* D e g rees In te rc h ill N in ja Tune U ltim a e M o le l i s t e n i n g P earls W aveform S te re o D e lu ie

n n K ie One day, a long time ago, I decided to take a spiritual retreat to figure out what I was supposed to do. My partner, Luc, had ended his life. I had a lot of questions that needed answering. I went deep into the forest at SMS for five days of solitude. I brought my battery powered keyboard so that I would have something to do to break up the monotony of my spiritual quest. I gave myself lessons on that keyboard several times per day for about twenty minutes each time. Up until then I had not really tried to play music. Music was not part of my child hood. I had never owned a record player long enough to acquire a record collection or a taste for music. Although I had heard enough AM radio to give me a very basic knowledge of popular music I didn't really have a favorite band or even a favorite type of music. I had always been at odds with music in general. While most people had a rich appreciation for music, I couldn't figure out if I had any affection for music at all. I felt that if I learned to play music it would somehow help me to fit into the human experience. I was looking for something to help define myself as human. Humans like and play music, therefore, if I like and play music I will be presumed to be human. So like I said, I taught myself how to play the keyboards in my spare time dur ing a five day spiritual retreat at SMS.The direction that came out of that spiritual retreat was that I was supposed to become human and help people in their quest. I kept on playing music and eventually I started recording my music. I started to record an album in NASHVILLE. Half way through that project I put the tapes and the project on the back burner. I wasn't ready to do it. I still needed to figure out some important questions. If I put out all this art, what happens if someone takes notice? I need ed to practice playing music and practice being human. Later I started to record my music on Leopard's fourtrack in his solar powered yurt at SMS. Leopard recorded three or four

recording sessions for me. Somehow those tapes met the same fate as the first. I was having trouble finishing the project. I needed to go deeper to find the answer. If I became a human being would I be able to keep it up? What if I failed? Later I moved back to CANADA and recorded again. Well that time was the right time. My first album was done. I had the CD in my hand. Well I quickly recorded my next album.Then my third. I am sure that I am a human being and I am ready for the test. I am not sure exactly why I stumble so much. I seem to live by the seat of my pants. I am the one who waits until the last minute. I sit idle and dream out a whole plan.Then I jump up and do whatever I want. For me plans are like designer clothes. They are nice to show off, but, I would never really use them. 1 call my music WALLPAPER MUSIC. It is the kind of meditation music for the person that does not need to meditate. Other music composers tell me that I break all the rules of composi tion, yet, in the next breath they say that they like my music. My music is both soothing and stimulating. WHEATBREAD, my first album, is honest straight forward music, it relaxes the mind. HONEY BREIZE is more sophisticated, it leads the listener deep inside the mind without agitation. ARORABORIALIS has a stronger attraction. The listener rides deep into the mind and beyond. The sound is elusive and captivating. I am sure now that I can help a person become more human. I do enjoy doing what I am doing. My next album is cooking now. It will have my spoken word poetry voiced over my music. My intent is to offer help to people looking for themselves. I am glad to be a part of the big picture. I know that I make a difference.

People cun contact me through my website: http: ft’pinkiepoetry.com. People can listen or download my music at http://anthrosleo.com. My email address is http://pinkie@pinkiepoetry.com.

Forest Music: A Healing Journey into the Wooc| A L ight

P roductions

reviewed

S un

F ire

magine that you have been invited to take a walk through a

Imagic woods. You won't need hiking boots or bug spray. You

can travel naked if you w ant... All you need is the CD Forest Music from Light Productions. Put it on your player, sit back, and let your imagination do the rest. At first it seems like you are walking in an ordinary woods: maybe the birds sing a little more vibrantly. Maybe the sunlight through the trees is espe cially golden. Suddenly you come upon two singers, young men dressed in green: "We must replant our planet now," they sing."You shall reap what you sow— beauty everywhere." Then the famous naturalist John Muir appears-of course, it must be his ghost. "I never saw a discontented tree," he says. "Have you? No, they grip the ground as if they liked it." He tells of the thrill of climbing a tall tree in the midst of a wind storm. Then with vioin, piano, organ and trumpet he shows you his favorite part of the woods. You continue walking. Now, not only the birds serenade you, but crickets also add their chirping. One of the singers reap pears, with organ sounds accompanying him: "We can be stew ards of the earth, spirit beings from our birth." The sound of the rain blends with violins and woodwinds that reflect the love for the forest that your heart is feeling.The sun breaks through the clouds and the birds start to sing again. A few insects buzz around. You come upon a group of revelers dancing and singing a folk song:"The white crowned sparrow goes a-chirping in the springtime.The white crowned sparrow goes a-chirping in the spring. Fly, fly, bird, fly, way high in the sky-ay-ay." In the distance you hear a thunderstorm. So you hurry on. Suddenly you find yourself in a clearing surrounded by tall trees and you know that this is a holy place.The trees seem to be organ pipes, their tones blending with the sounds of the distant storm. Sunlight returns and the birds resume their songs. Suddenly, you're surrounded by elfin dancers swaying to pipes, percussion and bells. You find yourself dancing with them up the side of a mountain. They're gone as quickly as the came, and once more you only hear birds. A singer returns and you discover that he is the Forest Master: "Into the forest we go! Merrily, merrily, ho! Watching the creatures below..." He dances off, and you find yourself on the path where you started, the birds singing joy fully.

Graphics by Duncan Hilton

The musicians call themselves Eastwind with Nature on percus sion/synthesizers, Steve Renfort on bass, Henry Leal on saxophone/flute and Alests Midivero and Art Dufresne on guitar/synthesizers.The band members describe their compo sitions as "musical landscapes enveloped in atmospheres of sound." This review was first published in the magazine Touching Body and Spirit, 2004. and Sun Fire adds, In the interest of full disclosure, I should state that Thomas Raglln Douglas, Jr. (aka, Nature) is a friend of mine His CD Is available for $20 ($18 plus $2 shipping) from Nature, PO Box 25 1 ,Elk,CA 964 T2 Make checks payable to Nature I astwlnd has sever al other similarly themed CDs, all produced by Arthur Dufresne and created between 1998 and the present with the titles: Spirals, the Golden Age. Extended Plane, and Healing Music.

»v>'M

R ecollections O

F AN

A mat e ur So n g w r i t e r hen I was a little kid, we had a student teacher, a college girl who brought her guitar to school one day. She sang "Frog went a courtin' he did ride, uh-huh." The look and sound of the acoustic guitar seemed almost magical to me. I had only heard and seen guitars on TV and radio. I got my first one when I was about ten. Later, during my college years, I spent a sum mer with my brother and his wife and two small children. My nephew thought I was great. He wanted to grow up and play guitar like me. My brother bought him a guitar, but he never really got into it. A few months ago I found an old cassette tape featuring him singing in his little six-year old voice with me accompanying him on the guitar. He sings a little song about Father Abraham that his Mennonite babysitter taught him. I'm strumming a couple cowboy chords in the background. Now he's a junior financial consultant with a nice new car, just bought his first house... And I'm the homo uncle whom he'd probably rather not introduce to his friends. But on tape he's still that really sweet little kid and I'm still the cool uncle who plays guitar.

I had a deaf roommate in college. I could practice and play and sing all I wanted and it never bothered him. He was a very nice guy - a good friend. I played at an open mike on campus one night and he came to support me, even though he obviously couldn't hear anything. I think there was an interpreter there, but she had a hard time keeping up with the acts. There were a lot of fraternities and sororities on that campus, and a bunch of people showed up drunk to do stand-up comedy. I sang a couple of very sad and serious songs - one of them was in 3-4 time. A couple of students got up and started waltzing to be silly. Somebody actually yelled out,"Next!” Meanwhile, my deaf friend looked on and smiled. He tried to reassure me after wards that even though he couldn't hear any of it, he was sure I did very well.I I once put an ad in an alternative weekly newspaper of a medi um-sized city, seeking members to form a band. I had a fanta sy of a goofy hodge-podge of individuals, perhaps a grandpa

with a drum set, a college kid playing piano, maybe a middleaged lady on the bass. I would play a cheap, twangy guitar. We would all sing, absolutely. I believed that if a group could just form, we could create our own style and develop quality with time. First we had to come together and invent ourselves. But to be more faithful to the concept of tossing people together, I decided it would be good to accept anybody who indicated an interest and just see what might happen. I received two calls in response. One was from a former student of mine. As soon as she heard my voice and figured out she was talking to a former teacher, she lost all interest. The other call was from a guy who worked for the weekly newspaper which had run the ad. I had met him at poetry readings before. He was very intellectual, aloof, a bit of a snob. When he determined who I was, he hasti ly excused himself, "Oh, I misunderstood," he said, "I thought you were a musician." went to Burning Man a couple years ago with my brother.

I One day I took my guitar down to the big huge coffee house tent where hundreds of people hang out, sharing poet ry, doing yoga, whatever. There was no music being pumped in, and some people who were sitting around me asked me to play something. I usually feel that people have their favorite recorded music with them all the time, they don't really want to hear a guy with a guitar; rather they tolerate him if they have to. These people were sitting around feeling a little bored, and they really wanted to hear something. I asked them if they'd prefer to hear an original or maybe something familiar. They wanted me to decide. I think I could have impressed them with one of my originals, but that didn't matter to me. I decided to play something that everyone would know well enough to sing along. I played "I've Been Working on the Railroad." Everybody knew it, everybody sang along, and when I finished it I looked around and they all had these wonderful joyful smiles on their faces. A few years ago I went through a kind of crisis and for a long time had no use for vegetarianism, spirituality, or romantic

Q **‘M myths, and I seriously questioned anything that contained any principles or element of belief. I found that the folk music I had been singing and listening to made me nauseous. Nothing felt correct except jazz, with its blues roots and lost-sounding chaos/spontaneity. I started taking jazz guitar lessons from a cute Rush Limbaugh devotee. I didn't do very well because I didn't keep up with practicing. But I learned basic jazz chords and started writing jazz originals. After a year I had about a dozen songs, and I got the idea to do some recording. It turned out to be an all-consuming project. I began to secretly hope that I might make a little splash in the music world. I knew enough musicians to round up some excellent studio back-up, and when it was all finished, I was proud of the result. I was in a relatively small city that happened to have its own jazz radio station, and they even had a show that featured local/regional jazz. I sent a copy of the CD to them. I had to pester them to get them to respond. They finally told me they had no interest in playing any of it ever. I did get affirmation from other peo ple who heard it. One guy told me that I just needed to die.

my iong?” I asked. I figured if they would listen to me I would go. 'Sure" was the answer. I grabbed my guitar, and reached for a can of beer that had about an inch of beer left in it (I was thirsty). As I gulped the last swallow of beer I felt something catch in my throat. A sliver of metal, a small piece of the beer tab, had broken off and fallen into the beer, and now it was lodged in my throat. I immediately choked and stopped in my tracks, "khhkhhh I swallowed something sharp!" I managed to say to my friend. He recognized the danger. "I'll go get you some bread," he said. Oh no! I thought, BREAD - the symbolic Christian food! It looks like I AM going to get pulled into a psy cho religious thing - OH SHIT! But things were quite surreal that morning, and when my friend returned, he hadn't been able to find any bread so he brought a BANANA! And when we reached the secret meeting, some of the coolest and naughtiest guys I had met were there, along with a big rub ber snake in the middle of the circle to keep things in balance. I couldn’t speak, let alone sing, but it turned out that my song wasn't really needed because there was already a healthy earth instinct in place.

've written a lot of songs with cynical Once I was writing a song that o, to what do the odd recollections was just too bitter — it felt hateful. After of an amateur songwriter add up? one verse I threw it away and started a Unfortunately, as I see it, my songwriting whole different set of lyrics for the same has had significance for me, but little sig melody. What resulted was one of my nificance for others. To have been any Cannoli's Album,"Didn't Sell My Soul" favorites, a very hopeful song written for a thing else, to have led to what we call suc person in despair. Years later I decided to sing it at an open- cess in the modern world, would have required a whole differ mike night at the Antique Sandwich Company, an old vegetar ent story - first it would have had to have been a different kind ian restaurant/coffee shop that's been in Tacoma for 30 years. I of songwriting, suited to market; then it would still have to be waited for my turn, went up on the little stage and got through a story of promotional hustling, hard-driving ambition, making the song. When I looked up, I saw the normal crowd, other inse connections and developing good professional timing. Whose cure folk singers and people who were there because it cup of tea is that? seemed like a cool thing to do. They clapped for a minute and reached for their lattes and went back to their conversations. eople have a natural impulse to create - to grow things, Then I noticed a single face in the crowd looking at me with build things, make delicious food and so on. Yet we live in what looked like a sort of astonished bliss. His face seemed to a time when we are required to do meaningless non-creative be glowing. He looked like an angel, and yet he seemed to be work and only consume. The result is a culture of people starv looking at me as if I were the angel. It was a wonderful ing to create. People don't want more art, they want to be moment. It's possible he was tripping or something, but I like artists. But even when we try, our efforts are rendered frivolous to think that maybe my song was written just for him, and that by the plethora of easier alternatives. Why knit a scarf if there it had hit him right between the eyes. are hundreds of beautiful cheaps ones available at the mall? You can knit one out of defiance and opt out of the consumer Like Bob Dylan, I had my Christian period, but I stopped playing culture, but this is very different from knitting a scarf and giv those songs at a certain point, as they lost personal meaning ing it to someone who might otherwise have to endure the fulness. However I had an interesting experience at a music cold. If there were no Hollywood, no television, no radio, no festival not long ago. There was a lot of pagan spirituality MP3, can you imagine how people would love to sit and listen there, but for some reason the Christ archetype kept echoing in to someone play the piano or watch a troupe of actors put on my mind. I wanted to get into the earth-based spirituality a comedy? When a "superstar" entertains millions of young more, and I didn't want a tennis match in my head between kids, he/she is occupying the performance space of thousands two competing spiritual paradigms. I thought it would be who must hang their heads and let their gifts go to seed. Let us good to write a song integrating the two traditions in a person hope that things go in cycles, and anticipate a day when all this al way to resolve the inner conflict. It happened to be a Sunday monstrosity falls apart. Then we might be cold, but we will morning. I was sitting in my tent, I had just written the first rediscover the real joy of knitting a scarf. verse of this song, and a guy I had just met and partied with came by. Of all things, he invited me to join him and some of --------------------------------(fy**1-------------------------------his friends for some kind of unannounced Christian meeting that was taking place in the woods. It was too weird that I was Cannoli/Jon Perrotti has performed his songs at IDAPALOOZA in Tennessee just writing that song when he came and invited me out of the and taught Japanese to high school students in the Pacific Northwest; cur blue. Uh-oh, I thought, am I going to get pulled into some kind rently he's rediscovering his roots in Pennsylvania. For a copy of his first C D, of psycho religious thing here? "Can I bring my guitar and sing Didn't Sell My Soul,contact him at jonporrotti(<i,yahoo.com

I lyrics.

:•

H EA TH EN E

s o t e r i c

a n o

H A R V E 5 T M

a e a n

u s i c

e v i e w s

Highlighting the Many Shades of Music: Light, Between the Worlds and Darkness in Successive Issues

Darkness by

alakhi

Artist: Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio Title: Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography Label: Cold Meat Industries (Sw eden) As spring equinox passes and summer solstice approaches, you may find the light of the new dawn to be a bit too bright. For those faeries looking for something dark to shroud yourself I offer you Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio's Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio has awoken from their two-year dormancy to release another dark gem of ritualistic post industrial ballads. Released in July of 2003 Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography is the best work released by Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio to date. This album is the most sexualized post industrial music that has been record ed. The artists combine elements of sexuality, orgies and fetishism with darker themes of war, treason, intoxication and Satanism. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio is not afraid to go where their souls lead them. Post industrial music is known for its darker themes and neutered approach towards sexuality. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio has successfully brought this wall down uniting the darker aspects of humanity with themes of sexual liberation and social revolution. Now many readers may be pulling back thinking I am leading you into the musical equivalent of a low budget B movie with lots of gratuitous sex and horror. Do not fear the darkness. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio will far surpass your expectations of "gothic" or "industrial" music. Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography is Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio's eighth album in a tenyear long career. After ten years and eight albums the band has proven that their unique blend of dark esotericism, sexuality and music prowess is still relevant, powerful and untouchable. This most recent album was mastered at Erubus Odora Studious home of the bombastic martial band Sophia. For fans of the bands Arcana and Sophia, this is a very tantalizing morsel of information. The music of Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio is a somber mixture of acoustic guitar, orchestral strings, piano and bombastic drums with a slight infection of industrial ambience. Song structures

horn

tend to build around looped melodies and hypnotic percussion. Using pounding drums and harnessed orchestration the band creates a tapestry of sound that heralds from the ancient halls of forgotten war gods. The music is at once dark and menacing while soaring forth like some great and hungry beast.The com positions create an overall ritualistic feeling steeped in occultism and shadow. Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography could not be a more appropriate title as the lyrical content of the album focus es upon an in-depth exploration of these four subjects. The themes above manifest as musical forays into intoxication, war, anarchism, betrayal, revolution, prosecution, censorship, treason, murder, religion, magick, Satan, renewal, occultism, sexuality, fetishism, sex and feminine archetypes. It is all here, sex, death, spirituality and cocktails! The album is a heathen's dream. The album begins with the Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography,"Intro - Anthem." The anthem is sung in a foreign language. From the sound of the song, I suspect it is a national anthem from some communist era country. Imposed upon the chorus of voices is the discrete moaning of a woman. Be these moans of pain or pleasure? Maybe both? Sampling archived sound footage is not unusual in this genre but mixing it in with the sounds of female orgasm is very unusual. The second song of the album, "Sheep for a Lifetime or Lion for a Day," is one of my favorites..The song addresses the issue of the silent few who wade through the flock, wolves in sheep's cloth ing. Do we remain docile as sheep and reap a long life? Or do we live fiercely and independently? Albeit briefly. Being the first for mal song on the album, it definitely sets the tone for the rest of the listening experience. If you find yourself answering,"I would rather be a sheep for my lifetime."This album is probably not up your alley. "Remember Depravity and the Orgies of Rome" the third song on the album has stayed with me well beyond my first listening. I am keeping my comments brief, as I believe the lyrics of this song will best communicate the artistic vision of this band. Envision pounding drums accompanied by a chorus of disem bodied voices that sing in synch with the pulsing rhythm. The entire song pulses with ritual and magick. Female groans and moans drift across the track.The song transports the listener into

Q ** M the heart of Bacchus's ancient court and into the lap of hedonis tic pleasure. The lyrics are spoken softly and firmly by a male voice that invokes this decadent scene. The song is much longer but the excerpt should be a nice taste. This is but one of many memorable songs on c ex k \ ; C'atnage, C rui fixions and Pornography. Unlike many bands Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio dares to explore forbidden lore from sexuality and intoxication to social revolution and spiritual exaltation of the decadent. Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography is a master piece of music. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio merge the darkest sounds of the post-industrial genre with stunning orchestral power. The post-industrial musical genre needs a good dose of fetishism and sexuality amidst its ranks and Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio is delivering it. Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography is a spiraling descent into the dark heart of humanity. This album delivers strong themes of independence, revolution, intoxication, indul gence, sexual liberation and left handed path spirituality. Faeries that flirt with darkness and find comfort in these themes must get this title. Faeries of the new moon whose spiritual practices are defined by the darker side of spirituality are also encouraged to experience Cocktails, Carnage, Crucifixions and Pornography. Anarchists and social deviants that have a gothic streak will find the politics and themes attractive as well. Lastly, Faeries that are new to this form of music yet feel ready for an exploration of intoxication, war & death, religion & spirituality and fetishistic sexuality will want to harvest this album. The entire album can be used as musical format for numerous rituals. Ranging from self-empowerment to combat magick any number of themes in the music can be used in a personal ritual context. Anyone seeking to visit the ancient court of Bacchus or the halls of the war god Mars may find their transport here. Remember to play nice kids. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio is blazing a new path in music that unites sexuality, spirituality and the shadow. Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio truly deserve our support as many of us Faeries share spiritual/philosophical roots with these artists. Do not miss this opportunity to experience these artists who's vision is unparal leled in the world of music.

Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio Let us drink with the dead and delinquent Let us bring in the women and bring in the wine Let us drink with the women of crimson Let us raise our glasses and remember the times When women loved women and men ravished men Let our bottomless glasses be emptied again Let us drink with the fire that quenches our thirst Let us drink with each other and ravish the earth Remember depravity I give you the sun Remember debauchery and the orgies of Rome Remember depravity I give you the sun Remember debauchery and the orgies of Rome Let us drink to the drunk and indulgent Let us bring in the apples and slice them in two Let us drink for today and forever One half is for Caesar and one is for you Let us drink to the rise of forever Let us bring in the fires and bring in the men Let us cleanse in the wines of forever Let us drink to Rome and ravish again

"Two is company, three is an orgy."- Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio

Remember depravity I give you the sun Remember debauchery and the orgies of Rome Remember depravity I give you the sun Remember debauchery and the orgies of Rome

Visit Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio on the web to learn more: h ttp://w w w .ordo-ro sarius-equilib rio.net/ ------------------------------- ( i & 1-------------------------------Mulakhi Thorn is a regular editor and contributor to Rl'l) and wants you to know that there's an expanded cornucopia o f Heathen Harvest online. Visit our our website at www.rfdmag.org/music fo r interviews, reviews, announcements and more.

"Remember Depravity and the Orgies of Rome - Ordo Rosarius Equilibrio Photo by Petra Kallsjo

H’HH’. rfd m ai*. o rg /m u sic

_______ ____ __ ______

Q *v*M

Music

E v e r y F ae P e o p l e

for

I hope these categories of music are an assist to you, my gay faerie brethren. They have been of much nurture for me. Often hard to find, but incredibly strengthening in my gay-self-affirm ation process and the sensuality which goes with it.

by Zachary Dennis Steve Roach: Ambient synthesizer

Photographer's “Koyamsqatsi,"and any

tunes Albums; 'Structures from Silence*

others

"Quiet Music'and many others

Brian Eno: The master of "ambient music.' Yep, many of us know him, but yes, he's among the best!

Steve Reich: Another fine "minimalist* Philip Glass: Repetition and minimal

Albums: "Music for 18 Musicians' and

ism with beautiful cascades of sound.

his many other works are great, too.

Check

out:

"Dances

1 -4 “

“The

lasos: New age synthesizer artist

drum works and spiritual soundings

Daniel Lentz: Incredibly contemplative

His works from the mid-80's are leg

evoke much. He's in Nebraska these days

sound. He uses wine glasses, harps, dis

- and has some wonderful disc. I rec

tant voices, and moving percussion to

endary new age and spirit-filling.

ommend "Light in the Village."

Constance Demby: Hard to find, but her “Sacred Space Music" and other CD's are incredible for any one of us.

present a message of the sanctity of nature and spirit.

The Paul Winter Consort: Anything by these brothers and sisters. "Missa Gaia" and “Canyon" are wonderful and very

errt:

Michael Fitzsimmons: His monastic

moving.

Mark Isham: His muted trumpet reach

The Smiths: Yes, that incredible

tunes. She's in upstate New York and has

es deeply. Any of his CD’s are great. He

Manchester, UK group with Morrissey at

released some of the best heart-identity

was once a “Windham Hill'artist, but has

the helm. Great songs, deep thoughts

music one could even imagine. She has a

done much on his own over the past few

and gritty lyrics. We can all identify and

web-site & to her credit, she has never

years.

enjoy in this important musical catharsis.

sold out

It is very important to me as a struggling

Georgia Kelley: Harpist

gay-spirit in the Mid-west.

Her"Seapeace"Cd is very uplifting, 'nuff

David Sylvian Twins

and The Cocteau

Happy Rhodes: We should all know her

said.

stuff- Very soul-searching and heartfelt

Dancing has remained very important to

in Berlin. I hear tell it was closed just last

ing studio-work tunes. Most of us only

me over my 40 plus years. So, I recom

year, but a very fine body music was

know their "popular tunes," but they are

mend these trance/techno artists.

released there. Truly.

incredible! Their lyrics reach inside our

Baby Ford : His latest CD, "Basking in

Mark Broom, Eon, Aphex Twin 8i ATB: Trance Techno artists

hearts and minds and their rhythms the Brakelights," as well as his old classic

make our bodies move and we then rem inisce over loves had and yet to be had.

"000, The World of Baby Ford," are great.

Pet Shop Boys: Yes. Very very good. Tresor: Any trance/techno music on the

Many of us in our community are not

Tresor label. "Tresor" was a gay dance bar

aware of their very excellent body-mov

David Sylvian's Sound: There is no

great (tauntingly wonderful group- The

more resonant voice and contemplative

Cocteau Twins have (or I should say 'had')

sound than that of David Sylvian and his

a sound all their own: vapory, ethenc,

incredible group of highly intuitive

and saturated with true feeling with all

composers are the cream of the “soul-

music makers: R Sakamoto, Holger

the myriad colors of those feelings in

comforting & strengthening" crop! These

Czukay, Brian Fripp, et al. I recommend

their sound. I recommend "Blue Bell

guys all wrote gems for us. Find them &

his "Gone to Earth, “ "Dead Bees on a

Knoll",'Heaven or Las Vegas", and "Milk

secure them for your library.

Cake," and "Brilliant Trees," but all are

and Kisses." Any one of us can drown in

good.

the layerc of sound, comfort, dark color, and strength which their tunes present

The Cocteau Twins: Too many gay spir

before us. Try them. It will warmly give

ited, fairy-folk are not well aware of this

you strength.

Alan Hovhaness, Frederic Delius, Eric Satie, Brian Eno, Ralph Vaughan Williams, and Daniel Lentz: These

Spring 1992

$5-50

a. country rag for the urbane fag

Humor makes strange bedfellow s o f us all --Wm Shriekspear

" A little song, a little dance, a little seltzer down your pants!" - The Mary Tyler Moore Show Front Cover: "The Humor Issue" Spring 1992 Issue #69

Book Reviews tions of the process. Just as a seed crystal of gold was tradition ally added as enzyme to transform the raw material, darkened by initial combustion in the crucible, so, too, does the poet's philo sophical integration and voicing of the horror belabour the depression, while the primal matter graduates from ammonia to oxygen. Alchemy is continually engaged in his poetry, whose sustained focus is on healing through dynamic experience, insight, and love, as celebrated in "Hanging On" and "The Alchemy of Opposites," both dedicated (like the collection itself) to Snider's Guatemalan companion.

The Alchemy of Opposites By Clifton Snider Chiron Review Press (20(H)) Reviewed by: James Benedict As suggested by the title and the cover illustration (a cave paint ing from the Niaux cave), the subject matter of Clifton Snider's delightful collection of poems, Ihe Alchemy of Opposites, is couched in experience related to archetypal subjects. Written from the premise that profound experience can be found wherev er we are, if only we care to look, the poems span a wide variety of themes divided into seven sections, which indicate partly their chronology and partly their thematic content. I he central underlying theme of the collection is the mysterious disappearance of Snider's older brother, Evan Allan Snider—also the subject matter of his autobiographical novel, Wrestling with Angels (Xlibris, 2001). I he elegy, "A I ast Good-bye,” on one of the opening pages attempts to come to terms with the lack of data surrounding his brother's presumed death and the realization that the mystery will never be solved. I his painful situation is the subliminal point of departure for the collection, which consists mainly of a sequence of strong poems dealing with loss, inter spersed with nature poems, poems on art and artists, poems of love and friendship, spirit of place, etc. Inevitably the subject of the poet's brother bleeds into extended elegies on lost significant others, from a Norwegian cousin in the poem "I lolocaust" (the story of a student activist who was deport ed during the German occupation of Norway), to "I lomomonument," describing the pink granite triangles near the Anne Frank I louse in Amsterdam that commemorate Hitler's gay holocaust. A host of lovers and friends lost to AIDS are also remembered in the collection, as in the poem "Survivor," which opens the theme of AIDS-related deaths that surfaces at regular intervals throughout the collection:

1 he loss of a hundred once familiar faces, faces that blend into one black space like the entrance to a cave a bat cave with guano rotting, exuding ammonia, poisonous to human breath. (Page 18)I I he profound healing process engaged in the poem is negotiated in the alchemical terms of the nigredo (the blackening) and the putrefactio (the rotting). 1his is also Snider's main project. The once familiar faces disappear into the black space likened to a transformative cave a metonym for the alchemical crucible. I he alchemist traditionally works his way through a profound depression, projecting his unresolved emotions into the opera

The cave-crucible theme of alchemical transformation resurfaces in the collection's final section, Spelunker.' Here, Snider’s pas sion for speleology is charted in direct and metaphorical ways. The final work in the collection, "The Cave of Niaux," finds the artist as a spectator in sacred vaults of Neanderthal and Cro Magnon worship in France, and ends on a processual note, a ded ication to a collective numinous moment, which, in accordance with its alchemical reference icon, the philosopher's stone, is ephemeral: From these cold, faceted walls, messages from a prehistoric past. The paintings speak to my living heart...(Page 140) We gather torches and trek back, different now, bonded, purposeful, if only for the moment. The opening blinds like a blast. (Page 141) Snider's theoretical and practical focus on alchemy as a vessel of healing and individuation is part of the tradition of alchemical revival initiated by James Joyce in Finnegan's Wake, and explored by Patrick White, Vladimir Nabokov, Gabriel Garcia Marquez, etc. While I respect the author's focus on the apparent chronolog ical sequencing of the poems, I would have preferred a compre hensive thematic structuring of the poems into for example ele gies, poems of love and friendship, ekphrastic poems, poems about artists, animal poems (often related to the Australian poet Les M urray's work), poems of place, etc. There are many poignant poems and important graphics of fin-de-siecle gay sen sibility in this collection, and I suspect that the cumulative effect of a more thematic ordering would add to the pleasure of reading Snider's work and the profound insights that it shares.

Shooting the Rat: Outstanding Poems and Stories bv High School Writers By Mark Paulak, Dick Lourie, Robert Hershon, Ron Schreiber (editors) 280 pages $16.00 (softbound) Brooklyn, NY: Hanging Loose Press Reviewed by: Shane Allison In the exciting third edition of Hanging Loose Press' literary anthology, Shooting the Rat, the poems and stories that are pre sented are in no way cute, cuddly, or poetic for the sake of poet ry. What makes this book so unique is that its contents are made up entirely of high schi>ol writers from Minnesota to Kansas, Texas to California and from Vermont to New York (where Hanging Loose is based and has been run since its start in 1966). But these are not your typical teenage writers and poets; the artists write with candor, honesty, and "nothin' but heart," and the

Book Reviews

With Fingers at the Tips of Mv Words by: M. J. Arcangelini Beautiful Dreamer Press $12.^5 Reviewed bv: Tom Seidner

editors present their work with elegance, grace, and quality. These fresh, new writers are becoming the next wave in American letters. ShixTing the Rat is a book that can be enjoyed by teenagers and adults alike. This reviewer loves how the poems from this anthology are able to make a connection to its readers because of subject matter, such as love and family, that we can all identify with. These young poets and writers write with such beauty and pop culture realness, they could make a common gro cery list sound poetic. For example, consider Gemma Cooper-N ovack's poem, "Shooting the Rat," in which the poet paints a gruesome if not gory picture of a rat's demise by a shotgun: "One twitch of a fin ger, and bhx)d and fu r/ sprayed over the room." Or Matthew Moses' poem, "Farmacy," in the "Pears of the World" section: "Peeking out into the new w o rld / already instinctively looking/ for some poor so u l/ with dry skin and dirty hair." Moses makes the alternative spelling of pharmacy relevant to the descriptive content of the prxMn itself by describing shampoos, deodorants and feminine products to the equivalency of food on a farm. The poetic actions that are taken upon Moses is clever and fresh. Shooting the Rat is a great learning resource for other inspiring poets and writers of adolescent and high school teenagers simply because the writing does not restrict or limit itself to a certain audience. Teenagers can identify with the writings because of the raw issues that these writers write about so honestly. Adults can read and understand such plights presented in the book because we have all been teenagers and can often read these poems as a sort of reminiscence of our own spent youth, as in Christopher Lew's, "Faculty Christmas Party at Webster Middle School," in which Lew nonchalantly and playfully writes of past teachers in an historic list" form: Mr. Palmer, Earth Science, has his arm on the back of Mrs. Chan's chair. / His eyes wander over Ms. Samson's reindeer sweater. Ms. Samson, 6th Grade Math, can't believe th ere's/four shopping days /left, wants to get an ab-roller for her brother in Kalamazoo. These are rekindlings of junior high memories at its best. I’cx-ms that take us back to those timid, sensitive times of bubble gum innocence. If you are w ondering what teenage writers are writing, Shooting the Rat will give you a grand view of what is going on in the world of high sch(x>l artists. Others that were published by Hanging Ltx>se Press anthologies that also shouldn't be missed include Smart Like Me and Bullseye, which, in their own right, are just as entertaining and critical in this renaissance of teenage

Any long time reader of RID should be familiar with Jix* Arcangelini s poetry . For those of vou who are not, let me warn you that this is not pix>trv to doze off to. Joe uses down-to-earth language to convey a wide range ot emotions and sensations. 1 le can be eroticallv intimate in a ptx*m like The \e x t Night" or somewhat maniacal in a poem like "Breakdown." He can be a seemingly dispassionate observer in a poem like "Coyote Triptych, in which he presents his subject in an almost photo graphic display. Or he can be autobiographic in ptx*ms like "Oberlin or The Kiss," in which we meet his family and share in some very private emotions. Whatever mode he uses, prepare yourself to be touched, moved and sometimes angered. For Joe's world isn't always a kind one. In "Ben's Whips,’ J<X’ struggles with the many ways pain and sexuality come together in our lives. There are ways pain can be used erotically. There is the pain outsiders would like to inflict on us for our sexuality. There is the internal pain of being stigmatized and allowing that to damage our relationship to our own desires. There is the pain of not knowing if we can trust those we turn to for love. But rather than simply listing them as I have here, Joe uses a mixture of prose and verse to make you feel all of these and the way one can slip into another. J<x* allows us to participate so completely in the experience that it becomes an event in our lives, as well as his. If Joe's world isn't always a kind one, the same thing can't be said for the man, himself. In "More," Joe starts out by saying, "No, 1 don't want you to suck my cock not if that's all it's gonna be." He goes on to say, I want to lie with you until You pray to go blind and deaf So nothing can ever interfere with our touch. This could be the great love you never thought you'd have. The love you will be afraid to lose. And by the end of the poem you believe him. And you wonder why you've ever accepted anything less. Why anything less than that deserves the name of sex. These are poems to be read aloud. If there is a weakness in this bcx>k, it is simply that we do not get to hear these words in Joe's own resonant voice. But the strength of his writing allows us to hear new meaning in each of these poems in our own voices One of the pix'ins previously published in RID is entitled, To Charlton Heston in Ben-1 lur: A Rhapsody. When you read this p(x>m aloud, you forget the pathetic NRA president ot Bowling for Columbine. You're on a Roman war ship with a lusty god, allowing your desire to be deliberately extravagant. You've allowed yourself to be fooled by a tacky I lollywrxrd fantasy, but the scope of your own emotions has left you far more praisewor thy than the object of your lust. And at least one message that anyone can take from this b<x>k is that there is something infinite ly precious in what we make our own. In experiences ot lust and intimacy, madness and contemplation of nature, loss from AIDS and survival of childhood, we create a life. Lain will not be absent from that life, but it may be all the richer for it.

writing and literature.

Contact Letters Athletic GWM, 39 with boy next door good looks and a warm, friendly per sonality. Searching for a combination best friend-lover to build a loving, lasting rela tionship. I will relocate for the right man. Write today! You won’t lx* disappointed. Derek Twyman, 527 Commerce Drive, Elizabeth City, N C 27906 I ley Guys, I am on the look out for a husband, lover & friend all in one! I know, well I am. As for myself, I stand 5’7,” 150#, goatee, green/blue eyes, sometimes hair sometimes not. 11IV since 1990, no tneds, healthy, do not drink or smoke cigs. Workout 3-4 x/wk. I live in north FL on 8 acres, working on turning barn to living space. Have 3 dogs, ducks, hens and veggie garden. Cleared a field for a horse some day and am id turn horse & carriage into small business. I paint & have a web page if you want to see me and my art: artmeister.com under p.j. lamb. Check it out! I am looking to meet someone into some of the things 1 am, though do have iheir own interest and life. Anyone between 30 and early 50, chest & face hair a +. I'm into horoscopes. I am a Aqu/Rooster. Books say I get on best with Sag, Gem, Aries, Libra/snake or Gem, Libra,Sag/Ox. I’ve surehad ones that don't match (no rats please!). I like to read, go dancing now & again and cook. I las anyone read the Lower of Now or The 4 Agreements? Good books to live by. 1 am into mind, spirit and the path that life has to give us. L.J., P.O. Box 2544 I ligli Springs, I I. 32655 or swcetlamb@highstream.net ***** I am a WM, Mature, Bi, very openminded newcomer to RFD & love it. I am sincere, passionate, feminine and would love to receive let ters from readers and others who enjoy being happy, forthright and enjoy giving & receiving one another. Bobby & K, LO. Box 1226, Oak I fill, FL 32759

*****

R-U Mr. Right or Mr. Right Now? 1 . R-U a caring nurturing person? 2. R-U actively pursuing your spiritual path? 3. R-U honest, sincere and affectionate? 4. RU tolerant & discreet? 5. R-U a non-smoker, non-drug user and non alcohol user? 6. R-U disease free and looking for a LTR? 7. R-U willing to pull your own weight financially. 8 R-U over 24 years old and younger than 45 years old? 9. R-U slim slender or height/weight proportionate? 10. R-U French active & passive? 1 1 R U Greek active? R-U Hispanic, Asian, Native

American or Caucasian? Well, if you answered 8 out of 12 positively yes, then you just might be Mr. Right! I’m 6 ’3”, 240#, brown hair/eyes, hairy bear type body and this daddy is l<x>king for a boy for the long haul. I live in rural Georgia, own my own home, enjoy garden ing, raising poultry and actively pursuing my spiritual walk. Why not drop me a letter and share what U-R looking for? Please, no pris oners and only serious reply. All letters will be answered; however, those with a photo will be answered first. Blessed Be. Bud. P.O. Box 13413. Macon, GA, 31208 ***** I write to offer friendship to per sons that feel similarly and may want to come dwell here to make a growing neighborhood of friends. Qualities that I want...need...seek...like (in myself & friends) are: quiet(peaceful), silent, slow, beautiful, sensitive (feelings...soul fill...spiritual), mental (thoughtful), simple (little material needs) respectful, free, friendly, loving healthy! vegetarian, vegan, raw foods...no smoking, drugs or alcohol). All ages, sexes, sexualities...mainly homo & bi. I thank you and wait for answers. Andre’ D ’Oliveira, Irancosco, Porto Seguro, Bahia, 45818, Brasil ***** GWM “Country Boy” 50’s, call, 6’ 6,” 195 lbs. Loves nature, Healthy Living, Organic Gardening — foods, exercise, good folks, reading, TV and simple living. Would like to hear from other simple-minded peo ple. 1 spend a lot of time in the woods with nature. 1 try to be humble kind, and loving to all living creatures. Hope to hear from you some kind loving folks. God Bless, Ron, P.O. Box 424, Sparta, Georgia 31087 ***** GBM 49 Seeks friends -Canada, Asia S. America, Worldwide. Not seeking a companion. Play mate but to share life, living culture, and friendship. Interested? Then Write L.D. Coe, 1426 Harvard Ave.#l96, Seattle WA, 98122, USA

a goatee of Cajun Italian decen—simplicity, yoga, vegetarian cooking, laughter and meet ing other gay men who live a peaceful noncomplicated life— I'm into eastern medita tion self-reali/ation fellowship. I work as a caregiver to Sr. Citizens and practice massagetherapy part time. I’m interested in meeting other gav men with similar interests. If you have a kind open heart and respect your bodymind and spirit, then please write me with an open heart. I'm interested in a LTR to relo cate to the country. Until we meet, walk with an open heart and a smile to brighten the world. Love and Peace, Shanti, P.O. Box 1313, Austin TX 78767 nomadicfairie@yahoo.com ***** Are you looking for a good man? I’m 5’1 1 155 pounds and 45 years old. I’m honest, sincere, drug-free, non-smoker, who enjoys dancing, reading, talking,photography and watching TV. I'm sexually versatile (you must be too) affectionate and romantic and I’m very serious about meeting someone who is gay and proud! Not concerned about age or race or what you do for a living as long as ir’s legal. I want someone who’s honest, sincere and drug-free ( or extremely serious about being drug-free) I’d like guys to be at least my height and yes, hunky. I work out and want you to be fit too. Someone who is unashamed of their sexuality, physicality, and sensuality. Someone to hold hands with, go to movies, the park, or dancing and long intense sex. I’m not looking for perfection just a stand-up type of guy. 1 f you are interested, please send a recent photo a nice sincere letter with your address phone number to: Cornelius Washington, 840 North Rampart, Box #24, New Orleans, LA 70116 P.S. I’m particularly interested in guys on the west coast. ***** Id like to find a long haired bcaidod dude with similar interests. If you like my ad please write me at: Nature, PO. Box 251, Elk. CA 95432

***** Greetings of Peace and Love I am Shanti a youthful, compas sionate, loving, warm, honest, caring, affec tionate spiritual gay man of 47 years. 1 take great pride in keeping my body mind and spirit fit with an open loving heart to all. I'm tall 6’4” 185 lbs, shaven head and sometimes

Send your letters to: RFD PO Box 68 Liberty, TN 37095

Prison Page

H ealing by Listening BYS nuffy Perhaps it was not nx^ much of a sur prise to leant at the recent planning retreat for RFD staff and friends that in a survey conducted by the magazine some lime ago, the Brothers Behind Bars column received the least amount of support for continued inclusion in the magazine. Although it may not have come as a great surprise, it sad dened me a bit as I know first hand the joy that correspondence with many of these men has brought me. Had it not been for this list. 1 would not have met Louis Carillo, a very fine air-brush artist, in 1992. Although he died in prison of a liver ailment in late 1995 we had become good friends and he introduced me to a number of his other friends including one of the guys he trained in air-brush art. 1'hese friend ships have been very' important over the years, especially during times that I found it very difficult to relate in meaningful ways with people on this side of the walls. My home is blessed with samples of Louis’ art and I am much richer for having known him. In addi tion. 1 have met other very interesting and talented people, some from ads I have answered in RFD and others coming as a result of recommendations from people 1 already am writing. 1 hesitate to start naming names as I would certainly miss someone who is important to me. As editor of Brothers Behind Bars and Prison Pages, 1 receive a large number of poems and pieces of art. many in glori ous color. The sad thing is that there just isn’t enough space in the magazine to print even a small portion of the poetry or to do jus tice to the color art pieces. It makes me wonder if there would be interest in the production of a book of poetry and art received from behind the walls. I would welcome comments in this regard and will continue to try and include as many in these pages as we can accommodate. At the recent retreat, it was also suggested that it might be interesting for our readers to hear parts of the “life stories” of the people who are submitting ads. 1 mused about that and wondered what I could include. Then 1 began responding to three letters that had arrived from a fellow 1 have been writing for about 5 years. How our correspondence began has now become wrapped in the mystery of time but it began wuth the arrival of a framed painting of clown which he had done. It arrived just before Christmas a number of years ago and certainly brightened my day and hangs in my quarters now. He is a deeply spiritual person and very much involved in the activities involving the prison's chapel. He strug gles with issues around his identity and struggles to survive. In one of his letters he shared some things with me 1 had not known before and help me to know him better. 1 am choosing to share them with you. our readers, because I believe they address one of

the travesties of the system that our tax dollars help create. He writes: “I'm watching a TV show called “War." It's about a man who went to Nam and when he came back he hail to go to a men tal hospital and he could not keep a job w hen they let him out. The show seems to be cool, but I want to finish writing you this letter. I’m sending you some of my thoughts in this letter to you. 'cause it's hard for me to watch TV from all the hardship I went through out there. A lot of TV show s remind me of myself. I had brain sur gery three times and when 1 got to my release from medical, they put me in a mental health hospital. Then I was in and out and never could get a job. They finally put me in a state hospital involuntar ily. It was really rough out there with the world and I could not handle it the way things were. 1 wish 1 would have tried to stay with God and maybe it would have been a little better for me. Well 1 have a lot I’m going through right now trying to get things change for me but I'm not truly the best and handling work and my case is really bad in some ways because 1 virtually admitted to all til the crimes that they said 1 did. I ran my mouth and told on myself. That was really dumb of me to try and get myself put away for a few years to try and find help when 1 should have known the only help is with God and the Jesus Christ and then my mind makes the changes. There is no way that I can ask the slate for help, 'cause all they do is lock you up and throw aw ay the key. “Believe it or not, 1 have never received any help at all since I have been in here for 15 years. But just now I got one of the Psychological workers to put me in a group for Changing Offenders to talk about some of the things that I did out there on the streets and to try and figure out some way it) seek help. Well its really a shame how things take so long to try and find any help. The only way 1 have gotten any help is from other inmates and also from the chapel. Please keep praying for me.” I hear David’s frustration and am only happy that I have been able to be an ear for him. But there are many others like him who could use an car to hear the pain they share. The ultimate hope is that each of the guys placing an ad w ill find a friend who can be that ear. But, on the other side of the coin, just as n was important for me at times of my own loneliness to have an car on that side of the wall, there may be some ol our readers who will find the joy of true friendship in and through a pen friend relation ship with one of our Brothers Behind Bars. Namasle! Snuffy I f yo u ’d like a free complete, updated pen pal listing or if you would like to submit a contact letter o f thirty words or less, please wrtie to: If It II do RFD, 1*0 llox 6ti, l iberty, 7W .170V5 Graphic by: Walter Anderson 1092654 I Mis 1 Unit. H 17-2-9 Huntsville, TX 77343 color version: www.rfdmag.org/art.php4

Announcements

Beltane Gathering at Wolf Creek Sanctuary April 24 - May 3 I lerc she is, boys, here she is, girls: a calling to all Faeries, East Coast, West ('oast, and everywhere in between, to gather at Wolf Creek Sanctuary lor Beltane, 2004. An invitation to come celebrate the ancestors and commune with them when the veil between the realms is thin like really skimpy panties... or visit with the ancestors while wearing real ly skimpy panties. An opportunity to scream and shout and drum and rejoice that the land and the tribe has been sprung once more from the dark of winter, back into the light of the sun.

Logistics: Come prepared to camp, and come prepared for rain. It’s spring in southern Oregon, kids, and that means the possibili ty for wetness at least once or twice during the week is prettydamn good. Special-needs space is lor faeries w-ho require a heated indoor

sleeping place, and is very limited, so call ahead to let us know of your needs. If you need a ride to Wolf Creek or can offer one to someone else, let us know, and we’ll sec what can be done. Further information about the Sanctuary can be found on the Internet at Nomenus.org, but please keep in mind a few items that you should NOT bring with you to the Sanctuary: - Pets, of any kind, not even in your car. - Speed, of any kind, not even in your car. - Intolerance, of any kind, but particularly intolerance of other people’s boundaries in regards to substance abuse.

A chance to dance like a maniac around the Maypole, and to weave your intentions for the new year with ail the intentions of the gathered tribe. An invitation to share spirit and sensuality, ritual and revelry, to make new friends and reconnect with old friends... or sit in the smoking lounge getting arnped on coflee and nicotine, gos siping and watching people wander between Gardenhouse and the Barn. And maybe, if you play your cards right, a moment of pure anonymous bliss in the arms of the God or the Goddess that will set you up Rl( il IT for the year to come. Dates and Registration:

This is a safe place for all faeries, and it is up to all faeries to maintain that positive flow amongst ourselves. Please be consci entious of the land and the rest of the tribe, and help contribute to a gathering that is intentful and focused and healing and, above all else, rockin.’ Blessed Be, l he Community on the Land, and the Conspiracy for a Beltane Gathering.

This year the Beltane gathering will take place between Friday the 24* 1 of April and Sunday the 3K of May.

Subscribe.

The suggested donation is $35 per person per day (more if you can less if you can’t and no one turned away for lack of funds). This includes your food, propane and other land upkeep expenses. Anybody able to send their registration donation early, so that we can get a head start on summoning the food stuffs, will be loved and honored in a very special way by the rest of us. If money isn’t in your particular bag of tricks this particular year, there are many other ways you can contribute to the success of the gathering.

G iv e US YOUR MONEY a n d w e ' l l s en d YOU A GREAT, EVOLUTIONARY EXPERIENCE FOUR TIMES A YEAR

L ooking

For further information, to offer support or just to say “hell yes I II be there, contact us at:

f or

S exy G raphi x

1am a prisoner writing nasty little stories about our life behind bars. Soon I will be publishing them on the internet. But, right now, I need some help. I would like to accent the stories with some hot and sexy graphics. Do you have internet access and some free time?

Nomcnusfif budget, net or call the Sanctuary at: 541-866-2678 or write us at:

Let's have some fun. I can pay a nominal fee to the right person. Write soon for more information. Dale Hardt 55712-065, 15604 Sweetaire Ave., Lancaster, CA 93535-7086

Attn. Beltane 2004, BO. Box 312. Wolf Creek, OR, 97497. Make checks payable to Nomenus.

Announcements

Faerie Spirit Gathering at Kawashaway Sanctuary An experiential mystical journey (ot epic shamanic propor tions) Twin Cities, M N; 10 January 2004: W hite Dragon, Hlureka, and W hite Ash from the Northwoods tribe of Radical Faeries are localizing a co-creative faerie spirit gathering with spiritual / ritual / magickal locus, and offering a chem-tree space, tak ing place on Kawashaways land lor an extended Memorial Day weekend Irom Thursday 27th May through Monday 31st May. For this happening a request is being made lor a sliding contribution of $75 - $ 12 S notallof (no one turned away lor lack of funds) to cover the 12 meals and 4 days ol events and ritual on the land. Registering online and early at SpiritGath.Kawasltaway.org is passionately requested to help with planning. Also on the website are ways a fae soul can help bring this gathering into form. T he planners hope the event will speak to faeries and laerieIriendlies who are exploring their spirituality or are ready to do so, drawing on their own to teach or possibly attracting non-local types who will feel called to facilitate, and folks looking for a chem-free gath experience. Kawashaway is a secluded parcel of land in the Superior National Forest in northern xMinnesota, belonging to and maintained by a group of stewards and friends, and shared by all in the Northwoods Radical Faerie com m unity

T he Northwoods Radical Faeries Present The Gathering August 6-15, 2004 at Kawashaway Sanctuary among the lofty pines and fragrant cedars of northern Minnesota. Auction, No Talent Show, Quill Raffle, Drum m ing, Rituals N more! “Passed the shores of Gitche Gurnee, Through the woods of Runyan fame, By the trails of Tonkas children, Lies the place that knows your name. G athering at Kawashaway, Two Bears FIT C ontact: I wo Bears 612-327-3096 after 7 p.m ., C D F e-mail: twobearsrf@ hotmail.com 43

Eu ro -Fae rie s

Louisiana

www.eurofaerie.org Euro pe-N /E-B altic C ircle

Viking Diva PO. Box 3698 10501 Tallin Estonia Email: viking diva@hotmail.com

Arkansas Rose of Sharon

R t 2 Bo* I30A2 Elkins, A R 72727 501-643-3855

Asia A sian Faeries (B angko k)

John Ferguson/Habibi jf m bkk@yalioo.com Gatherings annually in February on private island near Phuket Irregular circles when the goddeses declare a quorum...

Australia A u stralian Faeries

Now House 79 Prior St. Tarragindi Queensland, 4121 Australia

Santa C r u z Fairy Line

408-335-5861 (Events line) So. C a l. A re a Radical Faeries S C A R F & Faerie Dish R a g -FD R

PO. Box 26807 Los Angeles, C A 90026 213-666-1350 socara dfae@aol .c om faedishrag@aol.com Starlan d -Fae Retreat / Com m unity

Yucca Valley. C A 760-364-2069 www.starlandretreatcom Email: SurlandRetreat@yahoo.com

Canada a.k.a. A m b e r Fox

Summer Gathering Place O nurio, Canada aka.amberfox.ca Email: circle@aka.amberfox.ca

Colorado

A ustralian Sanctu ary

"Faeneland" Wadeville PO. Box 495, Nirnbin N SW 2480 Australia 61-2-66-89-70-70

D enver Radical Faeries

P.O. Box 6 3 1 Denver, C O 80212-0031 Email: beest@qwest.net

87 Heatherington Road Wadeville, N SW 2474 ozfaerios@yahoo.com ww.geocit 1e 5 .com/cufao1 ie$

California Black Le ath e r W in gs

1226 25th Ave. San Francisco, C A 9 4 122 415-584-1954 www.blackleatherwings.org blw@riverdream.org H oly Faerie Database

C A and W olf Creek Events P.O. Box 426732 San Francisco, C A 9 4 142 Las Hadas del Sol

D .C. / Maryland D .C . Faeries

Dish, discussion, divination and meditation among Witches! Faeries! and Bears! O h My! Every Monday Night 710 PM.Take Dupont Circle Metro 1611 16th St. N W Washington, District of Columbia (D C ) Eldritch: 202-332-4697 www.dcradfeys.org Scaerie Faeries

Happy Doodle 2101 Bucknell Terrace Wheaton, MD 20902 301-946-0517 Email: happy@happydoodle.com

Berlin Faeries

Hort/Butch Bhudda Berlin, Germany. Deutschland, Europe Email: howaberiin@hotmail.com

Moon C irc le - Lo s A ngeles ( C A )

EuroFaeries PO. Box 2721 1000 C S Amsterdam, the Netherlands www.eurofaerie.org Dee Tale +31-20-4860377

N om enus

PO. Box 170358 San Francisco. C A 94117 To visit Sanctuary: P.O.Box 312 W olf Creek. O R 97497 541-866-2678 www.nomenus.org nomenus@budget. net San Fran cisco Te l-a-Fairy

415-626-3369 Events and messages for Bay Area

Merlin Germany, Deutschland, Europe Wendelm.Kuepers@t-online.de H om o d o k-Le sb ian A rchives

Nieuwpoortkade 2a NL-1055 R X Amsterdam, the Netherlands, Europe 31-20-6060712 www.homodok-laa.nl Email: info@homodok-laa.nl Irish Radical Faeries

An Sidheog 71 Ballyculter Road Loughkeelan, Downnpatrick County Down BT30 7BD Northern Ireland, Europe France: Les Fees de M ontpellier

Efthimios Kalos 38 rue I'auguillerie 34000 Montpellier. France, Europe 33-1-40-27-02-95 efthimios@aol.com do

France: Paris Faeries

Efthimios Kalos 7 Rue Payenne 75003 Paris, France Tel: 3 3-1-40-27-02-95 Email: efthimios@aol.com do

G erm an y: Rheingold Faeries

rheingoldfaeries@lycos.de Sw iss Eu ro -Fae rie s

Wendelin.Kuepers@unisg.ch T h am e s Valley Faeries

www.pietvk.demon.co.uk/bgl/ReadandB erks/R&BRadicalFaeryO I .htm Email: piet@peitvk.demon.co.uk Miami Faerie C o n ta cts

Gawen, Kelpie House 6700 SW 52nd St. Miami. FL 33155 305-667-7601

Europe / Abroad

Faeries of the Sun San Diego, C A 619-226-8161 or 619-685-7626 w ww.mooncircle.net

G erm an Faeries

A tlan ta Faerie C ircle

770-446-9946 Email: snakeowl@bigfoot.com

D utch C ircle

Edw ard C a rp e n te r C o m m u n ity

BM E C C , London W C IN 3 X X . UK 08703-215121 www edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk mfo@edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk

C h ica go Faerie C irc le

Kale. P.O. Box 607282 Chicago. IL 60660-7282 FAEvents: 773-465-9329 groups.yahoo.com/group/ ChgoRadicalFaeries/ chicago@radicaKaerie.com do

Men N u rtu rin g Men

Midwest Men's Center P.O. Box 705 Chicago. IL 60614-0705 312-494-2654

N o rth e a st Faerie Em ail N e tw o rk P A , N Y , C T , M A , V T , N H , ME agnesknow s@ aol.com

L â&#x20AC;&#x2122;affaire

PO. Box 3036 Pineville. LA 71361 www.manitouwoods.com gayelder@aol.com

Massachusetts Boston Faerie C o n ta cts

Fuku: 6 17-522-6466 Email: shutt@fas.harvard.edu

Minnesota Kawashaway Sanctu ary (N orth w oo d s Faeries)

P.O. Box 6341 Minneapolis. MN 55406 www.kawashaway.org

Mexico El Encanto

P.O. Box 6 San Bias, Nayarit, Mexico. C . 0 . 63740 011-52-325-49029 Summer - 253-813-2427 www.elencantomexico.com camporose@aol.com Mail:c/o Rosie 1122 East Pike St. #689 Seattle.WA 98122

Em p ire of Stard u st C o m m u n ity

PO. Box 5 Craig. NE 68019 arlazaroff@yahoo.com

New Mexico Ravenâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s W in g

A monastic, healing retreat center Balance Gregory. JPC HC-61 box 1027 Ramah, NM 87321 balancegregory@yahoo.com Z u n i Mountain San ctu ary

RO. Box 636 Ramah, NM 87321 505-783-4002 www.zms.org zunimtn@cia-g.com

Blue H ero n Farm

68 Streeter Rd. Dekalb, N Y 13630 315-347-2178

Crow n C ity Faeries

146 S. Main S t #3 Cortland. N Y 13045 607-745-2577 Fa e rie G ra m

Subscriptions: FaerieGram P.O.Box 150296 Brooklyn. N Y I 1215 $20/yr or what you can afford Make check to: "Ron Southard"

G anow ungo Sanctu ary

W o lf C re e k Sanctu ary

P.O.Box 312 W olf Creek. O R 97497 541-866-2678 www.nomenus.org Ematl: nomenus@budget.net

jay Stratton 12 1 Union S t Westfield. N Y 14787

N Y C Radical Faeries

the FaeneGram RO. Box IS0296 Brooklyn, N Y 11215 718-625-4505 www.radicatfaertes.net do

Texas

T h e H erm itage

www.communrties.msn.com/radtcalfaeriesnyc

Ohio

75 Grove Rd. Pitman. PA 17964 570-425-2548 www.ic .org/thehermttage/

Oklahoma

PO. Box 531 W inooski.VT 05404-0531 802-295-7105 www.faeriecampdestiny.org

Washington

H ou ston Faerie C ircle

www.gayguides.cont/houstonfaenes Email houstonfaertes@gaygutdes com

Philadelphia Faeries

http://groups.yahoo.com/group/ phillyfaeries/ Email: bartlett@critpath.org

N orthw e ste rn Faeries

6002 32nd Ave. N W Seattle. W A 98107-2540 groups, yahoo.com/gno up s/nwradfeys/

Texas Faerie Co n ne ctio n

Hyperion & Swami B c/o FEYARTS P.O. Box 2542 Wimberly. T X 78676

P ittsburgh Faerie C irc le

N .E.O .F.A .G .

N orth East O hio Faerie Action Group P.O. Box 93166 Cleveland. O H 44101-5166 Email: ohmitian2@core.com

Faerie C a m p D estiny & V erm ont Radical Faeries

A ustin A re a Faeries

Casa de los Mariposas RO. Box 80618 A u so a T X 78708-0618 Info line: 512-837-1596 Email: lite>ng@tek>city.com

Pennsylvania

Radical F a e rie s -N Y C on M SN

Verm ont

7212-1/2 Meade S t Pittsburgh. PA 15208 412-241-8606 Email: jrbishop@bellatlantic.net

Seattle Fairy Fone

206-366-2132 (Events line)

N .Te xas Radical Faeries

www.geoc ities.com/ n tradfae/ groups.yahoo.com/group/NTRadfae/

Tennessee

P rairie Faeries

http://members.home.net/wifaencs/

C reekview F arm s Retreat

Snuffalupagus(Snuffy) P.O. Box 187 Liberty, T N 37095 615-563-2219 or 563-6624 Email: SnuffyVH@netscape.net

O klah o m a Radical Faeries

RO. Box 32321 Oklahoma City, O K 7 3 123 405-722-8985 Faerie Cherokee Indians & Friends d o Everett Cheshewalla P.O. Box 642 Tulsa, O K 74101-0642

Utah Additions, change's and deletions for I aerie Connections may be sent to: KI D Faerie Connections, P.O. box 68, Liberty, TN 37095; or email: faerietinder@rfdmag.org

T h e Faeries in S L C

Salt Lake City, U T 801-273-7118 Email: slipit@xmission.com

ID A -Q u e e r A rtist C o m m u n ity

P.O. Box 874 Smithville.TN 37166-0874 615-597-4409 www.planetida.com Email: planetida@planetida.com M em phis Faerie C irc le

Faerie E-mail List

822 Rozelle, Memphis,TN 38114 www.riverspirits.org louis@ riverspirits.org

Eugene/Springfield Faeries

Eugene, O R 541-683-5084 Email: ronunger@ efn.org

Wisconsin

www.radfae.org/faerielist

N ashville Faerie C ircle

Faerie Links and Gatherings

615-258-4226 www.nashfae.org

www.radfae.org

Pum pkin Hollow

1467 Pumpkin Hollow Rd. Liberty. T N 37059 615-536-5022

Portland O R Faeries

Fae Dirt 503-235-0826 Email: feydirt@rdrop.com

Faeries on the Web www.esldmo.com/~-davidk/faeries/ 206-935-7762

S h o rt Mountain San ctu ary

247 Sanctuary Lane Liberty. T N 37095 615-563-4397 (messages only)

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117

2034 is Just Thirty Years Away...

Starting Now. Send us your thoughts and VISIONS OF THE NEXT 30 YEARS:

yg j? t m

' ~

U rban Sanctuaries Rural L iving

Submission D eadline:

Society

April 15,2004

Fantasies

Please send your articles, stories,

Communities G ender

poetry, graphics and photos*to:

submissions@rfdmag.org Please include "RFD 30+" in the subject line. *See "The Skinny" in "Faerie Connections" for submission guidelines

[T ] hom

Celebrating Our Stories for Thirty Years