RFD Issue 124 Winter 2005 by RFD Magazine Gay

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The Salacioiisly'Siiited (and Unsuited) Sun Seekers of Destiny invite you to peruse the...

S w im s u it C alendar preview

Support the fey at Faerie Camp Destiny in beautiful Vermont! (Weâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;re building a bathhouse...)

& purchase AT: cafepress.com/fedestiny

Rick Graf was a carpenter living in Iowa with his lover, Don Tevel. Allan Troxler. a graphic artist, and Carl Wittman, a dancer were rural lovers in Oregon. Faygele benMiriam was a faggot organizer in the Northwest with Southern roots. Arthur Evans is a radical thinker-activist in San Francisco. Allen Young is an author and communitarian in New England. Milo Pyne, who co-founded Short Mountain Sanctuary, is a conservationist. Patrick Dorman is a costumer in Seattle. Gavin Dillard is still a poet. Randy & Dave who found one another early thru the pages of RFD are. after 26 years, our quintessentinal Country Lovers. For twenty-five years Brian and Gary have hosted fey gatherings at their Blue Heron Farm in upstate New York. These, along with a few others, are the cocreators of RFD. the early contributors and honored elders featured in this issue as we explore the theme of Queer Country Living: Then & Now. We celebrate their visionary and radical spirits and we thank them. This second issue of our 32nd year finds production centered again at our office at the foot of Short Mountain in Tennessee. The previous five issues have been produced in faerie enclaves across the continent from Philadelphia to Santa Cruz to Seattle to NYC and then even on to Europe for the scintilating tabloid approach of our Eurofaeries in the fall issue. We con gratulate and thank all these varied production teams and skilled digital artists for the generosity of their labor and creativity. We plan to continue this approach and tailor it to the community which takes it on. For the spring Zuni will focus on the fea ture with the Short Mountain feys focusing on the other pages. And the same for Wolf Creek's summer issue. Both will be anniversary issues for them. Congratulations & Good Luck! We seek more groups to consider taking on a feature or an entire issue. (Hints to Portland, Denver, DC. Asheville, Vermont, Minneapolis, Madison, Australia and faeries of the multiverse) Please heed our solicitations, sign up for a season, and do subscribe or renew NOW. Our goal is fifty new and renewing subscribers during this winter season. The alternative is to watch our little radical fey rag cease publication. Along the way some communication glitches have resulted in lost editors and misdirected efforts. We regret those unpublished contributions and hurt feelings. We make amends and strive to do better and honor all those fey folks whose writings, refections and visions you hold in your hands. It isn't always easy or pretty in the doing; but it is exciting and sat isfying to witness friends sharing their knowledge, perspectives, concerns, talents and passions in blatantly old-fashioned w'ays and with new-fangled kinks and tw'ists too. Those of us who keep supporting RFD’s existence in the many ways we do. 'ffajrjry ‘>(o(£.'Daze, the (RTT) CoCfective relish the opportunity and thank you for caring. Cover A rt & Artists fo r this issue: Patrick Dorm an’s Quilts, ‘ Revelation,’ 19X6 83” x92” and ‘ C ontinuing Revelation,’ 1998. 110” \ 101” (two sided)are framed by Jim G entry’s RFD Macrame he created just for us! Patrick from Seattle has said about his quilts. Revelation is the celebration o f the sacred mystery of life. Hie mandala of earth, air. fin and wa in

is surrounded by the images which mark the passage o f time: rising and setting sun. seasons of the year, cycles of the moon. My representational shadow floats within this place and time. The buttons and net are the mystery and spirit which bind the cosmos. It is in the toilet lion o f Hie International Quilt Study Center, the University o f Nebraska at Lincoln. It’s more recent double sided sequel focuses on the hand o f creation and is similarity made o f cotton fabric, cotton batting, mother o f pearl buttons, glass seed heeds, hand appliqued and hand quilted. Jim from Gatlinburg says, “ RFD frame is created of cotton; knotted in the Cavandoli Stitch: a combination of vcrticle and hori/ontaal double half hitches in two colors. Countless formal or organic designs result from this technique.” More of his art can be found in his book. Macrame:20 Great Projects to Knot. Lark Books, Asheville NC. 2(X)2 8()pp $14.95 ISBN 1-57990-280-4

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

Rebels RFD is a reader written journal for gay people which focus足 es on country living and encourages alternatilve lifestyles. We foster community building and networking, explore the diverse expressions of our sexuality, care for the environ足 ment, radical faerie consciousness, nature-centered spiritu足 ality, and share the experiences of our lives. RFD is produced by volunteers. The business and gen足 eral production are coordinated by a collective in and around Short Mountain Sanctuary, TN and on the working E.group site:rfd g ro u p s@ ya h o o .co m . Features and entire issues can be prepared by different groups in various places. Our printer is in Nashville, TN. Write us: RFD, POB 68, Liberty, TN 37095 Visit us: w w w .rfdm ag.org E mail us: m ail@ rfdm ag.org Call us: 615.536.5176

RFD (ISSN# 0149-709X) is published quarterly for $25 per year by RFD Press 247 S anctuary Lane Liberty, TN 37095

Franklin Abbott BufTy Steven Danforth Gavin Dillard Donald Dimock Patrick Dorman A rthur Evans Faygele bcnMiriam Jim Gentry Robert Giard Rick Graf Rob Hider William James Jordan Kandy Krahn Kwai Earn 34, fc Landon Wade Lee Link Edge Brvn Marlow

mail@rfdmag.org www.rfdmag.org

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6, 43 44 28 29 6, 29, 33, 20 43 22 34

Dancers

M yrlin Nettles Richard Osborne Jeff Pavek Jon Perrotti Pablo Ponce David Ray Steven Riel River Sr. Soami Synonym Teacosy & Lez Brian Thompson Malahki Thorn Allan Troxler Dave Vegliano A Vera Vi & Scotty Carl Wittman Allen Young

feature: Queer Country living, Then & Now some o f the best articles on this theme from early RFDs, its founders and ardent gay liberationists

Voices of Other Creatures (#10) by Allan Troxler...pl3 The Collective Kitchen (#5) by Rick Grof...pl5 how to lay out a group area by o chef, carpenter

Articles Plant Profiles by Buffyy...p5 Creating Faerie Theater by Nettles...p7 Fey Community in OZ from Fay Raves...p9 Chakra/Tarot Series by David Ray...plO Playing by Ear, an Xmas Memoir by Jon PerrottL.pll Gay Publisher Self-Censors by Richard 0sborne...p40 Prison Pages, ed. by Myrlin...p45

and Iowa City's premier faggot activist

New Sodom Experience (#3) by Arthur Evons...pl7 Shit (#5) by Corl Wittmon...pl9 compost, privys and assholes from our major gay lib visionary

Machine (# ll) by Foygele benMiriam...p2l words of encouragement for confronting lechnofeors by

Reviews Skin Tax by Tim Z. Hernondez (poetry), p37 Remembering Heraclitus by Richard Geldord, p38 Mother of Sorrows by Richard McCann, p39 Heathen Harvest (music) by Malahki Thorn, p4l

on RFD pioneer and major sustainer during his life

ISSN # 0149-709X USPS # 073-010-00 Non-profit tax exempt #62-1723644, a function of RFD Press, Liberty,Tennessee

RFD Cover Price: $7.75

Allen Young Interview by LinkEdge ...p22 with o nod to his contributions from Butterworth Farm (#7)

Morninwood Form by Jordon..,p28 the modern Community Supported Agriculture(CSA)approoch

Rondy Finds Dove Interview by Kwoi Lom...p29 Blue Heron Farm by Brian Thompson.,.p33 Noodle Soup for the Soul by Bryn Marlow..,p34

a regular subscription is the least expensive way to receive it 4 times a year

RFD Winter 2005 0 6 (# 124)

45 7 40 38 12 44 10 37 1,3,8 16, 20. 23 f/bc 9 33 41 13+ 29 39 44 19 22

Cont e nt s

beautiful graphic art from the creator o f RfDs most enduring images

Periodicals postage is paid at Liberty, TN and additional mailing offices. Postmaster: Send address changes to RFD, POB 68, Liberty, TN 37095 615.536.5176

Fabricators Contributors

country living reflections

Loomis (#4) by Milo...p36 photographic tribute to a friend by Short Mountain founder

Networking Advertisements.Jfc, pp47-48 Between the Lines....pl Faerie Finder..,pp45-46 Letters & Announcements...p3 Remembrances.. .p4

October 1. 2005 Dear Editorial Board, Please extend my appreciation to the Eurofaeries for the superb job they've done with the Fall 2005 issue of RFD. 1 also want to thank them for the much-needed infusion of DICK into the magazine. Kudos and horray!

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The faerie movement is essentially phallocentric. and it is important that our community—and your publication—not for get that. RFD Regular subscription: US$25; Foreign Surface: US$30; Pictures of faerie dicks: PRICELESS!!! Best Wishes, River New Hope, PA Ed note: Did you miss the summer issue from NYC? That was a well-dicked issue too. Maybe we'll add one o f your photo contri butions from our files, just so the peter meter registers properly. SMS Archive photo: Beltane, 2005 Creator o f the Universe, All I want is a love o f my own. I have been blessed with an abun dant life. I’m blessed with intelligence, and a wicked and sarcastic sense o f humor. I can pay my bills on time. I have food, shelter, a nice car and fair health. I have so many blessings. I want to share them with another human being. I thank you for surrounding me with good friends, good people and positive thinking— even when I’m crazy and judgmental with them. I know you have a purpose for me and that your vision will manifest as you see fit. Oh, Creator, I hope that having a life partner, some one special to share my life and unique qualities with, is part o f that vision. I want someone who has intelligence, charm, integrity, spiritual ity, and a sense o f responsibility. I want someone who wants to share in my love for the church and has a higher vision for himself and what he wants out o f life. He can be good-looking too. That wouldn’t

RIVER

Interview ing Rural R FD Readers

hurt

Scott Herring, an assistant professor of English and Queer Creator, all I want is a romantic partner to call my own. I want to be happy. How about a man younger that myself who is slim to

Studies at Penn State University, is currently researching a book-length project on queer ruralisms. One of his chapters, “ Hinterland Lib,” examines the history of the RFD movement and the cultural importance of the RFD journal. If anyone would like to be interviewed over the phone or has any infor mation, stories, or materials that they would like to share with Scott as he completes his research, he would be very grateful! He can be contacted via email at t s h I 2 @ p s u .e d u o r his campus address: 165 B u rro w s Bldg, Penn State University, U n iv ersity P ark , PA 16802. He especially wishes to collect oral histories of those affiliated with RFD in the 1970s and 1980s, and to record tales of RFD readers who have deep commitments to rural o r country living.

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heightlweight proportionate. This is my supplication. So Mote It Be If You are the answer to this prayer, write to: S p a r r o w h a w k , P .O . B o x 1 3 4 1 3 , M a c o n C A 3 1 2 0 8 o r c a l l 4 7 8 .6 6 8 .4 3 4 8 and leave me a way to contact you.

A r c hi vi n g B E A R S I am looking for first five issues of B E A R magazine for my small archive. If you have any of these issues and would like to share them, send to::

N a tu re, PO Box 251, Elk, C A 95432

Tobias Schneebaum

Adam Kazimir Ciesielski

1 9 2 2 — O c t o b e r , 20

Nov 28, 1947 - Nov 25, 2005

BACK FOR US I met Tobias in a giftshop of a little museum where he was scheduled for a lecture on the Asmat of Irian Jaya I did not know what he looked like but there were only two of us in the giftshop of the little museum and he past seventy showing his maturity. What I remember most is that he gave me the look of mischief. Thus he enchanted me. (people who have lived with the people of the forest are said to have this gift) At the lecture he cast another spell under the guise of anthropology. He sang an Asmat song fishermen sing when they go out with their nets. It sounded like the song of the evil monkeys in the Wizard of Oz ooo - eee - ooo

Adam is a much-loved artist whose artworks are the people blessed by his sharing their life. He worked 13 years as the landscape designer, vineyard manager and botanist for Lucasfilm Ltd’s Skywalker Ranch. For the last 8 years he designed and built a farm house in the hills of Tennessee, adjacent to Short Mountain Sanctuary, a gay intentional community. Kaz or Kazimir to many, his botany work included developing cultivars of timber bamboo that would survive in sub-zero temperatures and wine grapes that would come to proper sugar levels in cooler climates such as Marin County, California.

Tobias then translated: we shit in the river the shrimp eat the shit we eat the shrimp ooo - eee - ooo

In the early 70s, Adam was a resident counselor at Damian House Gay Men’s Collective in Sacramento. He worked as a photographer for periodicals such as The Advocate and Christopher Street magazine. He also co-produced a record album of the first National March or Washington for Lesbian and Gay Rights in 1979. In 1980 Adam coordinated the first statewide March on Sacramento for Lesbian and Gay Rights. He was also among the founding volunteers of Marin AIDS Project in the early 80s. Since the 1970s, Adam also photographed the art installations of his friends Christo and JeanneClaude, beginning with Running Fence.

I got to interview Tobias for RFD. He said he had supported himself by folding Christmas cards for a Jewish company in Brooklyn half the year to earn money to live the other half with the people of the forest who had enchanted him and sent him back for us.

He is survived by his partner of 34 years, Jok Church. In lieu of flowers, donations may be sent to the Tom Steel Clinic, 655 Redwood Highway, Suite 200, Mill Valley CA 94941.

Franklin Abbott 19 November 2005 Stone Mountain

Tobias was featured in RFD #97 (summer, 1999) with a tribute by Franklin Abbott and selections from his accounts of the Asmat people in Where the Spirits Dwell and his final work Secret Places. RFD Winter 2005--06 (#124)

Much to his surprise, Adam was born in Kenosha, Wisconsin and died in Marin General Hospital, following a 22 year fight against AIDS, which he seems to have won. He was killed by an unrelated cancer.

Adam with his dear friend and photographer, Chloe Atkins, cre ated powerful visual indictments of the medical systems’ finan cial assault on one confronting a catastrophic illness like AIDS in RFD #s 86 & 88 (summer & winter, 1996).

ur own cultural mythology personi fies winter as the Old Man. On the surface, we per ceive a curmudgeon, a short temper, a cold whispering wind, the voice in our heads of the old man scolding, ready to snap at our slightest transgression. We resent his trespassing into the warm territory of our per sonal lives, his insistence that we amend our activities accord ing to his ways, his demand that we slow down. Some of us will never warm up to the authority that winter imposes on our lives, but, on a deeper level, we can learn to respect the wisdom that only a being of ripe old age can impart. Winter reminds us that the body, mind and spirit need rest, time to sleep and dream after sea sons of growth and the hard work of harvest. From dreams come the architectural seeds from which, when planted, grow the struc tures of our lives, the places we come to call “home.” People through the ages have spent many winter hours and days huddled inside by a fire in the Hearth, or outside around a bon fire, seemingly doing nothing of any conse quence. Such inactivity can drive some folks mad in this age of constant production and frenetic movement. Or we can sit still and lis ten to the Old Man and allow our body/mind/spirit to dream along with the blaze. Fire can help us understand the wis dom of the persnickety (and sometimes angry) winter being. We can also seek comfort in the nourish ment that the Earth, our great Mother,

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

continues to provide into the cold months. Root vegetables, for example, harvested in the fall, feed the soul as well as the body. When the first cold of winter descends, and green leaves begin to wither and brown, the energy these plants have collected from the sun drops into the roots - beets, potatoes, garlic, carrots. They settle into their own dreaming and, as we consume them, meld into our own dreams, helping us to ground and open ourselves to the spirit of the season. In periods of utter seasonal despair during this darkest of times, a whiff of a sprig of the evergreen rosemary can lighten the spirits. Rosemary gifts us with this medicine of remembering the joys of spring and summer. Even dried boughs harvested in late fall con tinue to delight us through the cold months. ( ontiniied

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Here’s a simple recipe sure to soften winter’s harshness: Roasted Root Vegetables 3 large Potatoes 2 medium Carrots 4 Beets 2 bulbs Garlic, broken into cloves 1 Daikon Radish 1 large Onion (or any combination o f the above) 2/3 cup Olive oil ? cup chopped, fresh Rosemary, (or 2 T. dried Rosemary) I ? tsp. Salt Pepper to taste Preheat oven to 450 degrees. Boil the potatoes for 10 minutes. Drain and cool. Slice the potatoes, carrots, beets, radish and onion however you would like. Toss all ingredients together, making sure to coat everything with oil. Place on a baking sheet and bake for 15 min utes or until vegetables brown and crisp. Will serve four.

tee at Sh ort M ountain

Kwai Lam

Have a blessed winter...

H ib e rn a tio n

These outdoor smells of nature chilled beckon the bear in me, a winter call to hunker down and dream... I wonder... in my doing what I will not be doing, in my thinking what I will not be thinking. 1 think... and release each thought into my bear’s belly. I grieve what will be left undone, these ruminations feeding my hunger in sleep. Hungry will 1 be, but always satiated. Stillness (Green Man Series)

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Rob Hider

T 'e y

Tt S: Cr e a I i n g Faer i e Theat er S 1/

In the absence o f a director we did what w e know how to do as faeries. We had a quick heart circle, went around talking about the situation, and made a decision (to cut out the scene, in case you wonder). A ll the peo ple around us were astonished. None o f them has ever seen a decision made h\ consensus— and in the theater, nonetheless.

On a recent warm spring evening 1 sat on the front porch at ID A . munch ing salad greens from the garden. ID A is a queer artists community that’s home to the Eggplant Faerie Players Theater Troupe, with which I've been performing since 1 moved to middle-Tennessee nine years ago. 1 was talking w ith two o f my friends and co-conspirators MaxZine and Tomfoolery about the theater we create and how it ’s informed and shaped by the choices we made in our lives as faeries living in community in the middle o f the woods. The follow ing is a profile not o f an individual artist, but o f a fey collective.

Consensus also means that many o f our plays have been open for anyone who wants to participate, regardless o f their experience in performing. In our communities we like to resist the cult o f professionalism. We prefer to empower each other to tty the unfamiliar, learn something new. “ D o it yo u rse lf’ theater can be a beautiful thing. (It can also be a very chaot ic experience at times, as w hen the 16 cast members o f "D ia l M for Mothership" traveled to perform in Atlanta for a weekend that was a stage-manager’s nightmare: luckily, we didn’t have a stage manager.) What our audience experiences is a group o f people having a blast on stage.

The Eggplant Faerie Players have written and produced many plays. We've performed on local stages as well as toured far and wide and made many appearances during political rallies, demonstrations, and acts o f c iv il disobedience. Our performances are a blend o f gender-fuck, irrev erent humor, political satire, circus acts and musical theater. In "Next Year in Sodom" we show ed a dildo-juggling act and a love affair between Moses and the Pharaoh. In "D ia l M for Mothership" a group o f dit/.y gay activists rape the Pope into homosexuality. In “ Swishing Channels” we explored life in an ail-gay TV-station. w here a straight actress struggles to come out on her hit show. And in “ Person L iv id with A ID S " we danced and sang about healthcare bureaucracy and H IV transmission. Together we’ re creating our own w’acky version o f an emerging faerie culture.

We are faeries living in the woods; we chose to distance ourselves from some aspects o f society, ’l et every now and then we pop our heads out and do something weird that makes people think in a new way and ques tion their preconceived notions o f reality. We address some social ills. But the real message (as it were) is in the way we do it— by playing together, which is the thing we do best. Our fey art is a constant chal lenge to juggle our intense individuality w ith our commitment to com munity, and our deep political beliefs w ith our irreverent humor. But if it weren’t fun. we probably w ouldn’ t do it.

The issues we address in our shows are often the same: the commercial izing o f our culture, the pressure to conform (especially in the gay com munity), the connection between m ilitarism and religious fanaticism. But we try to never take ourselves too seriously. As faeries, we are the first to make fun o f pretentiousness— especially our own. Faeries like to play and goof around a lot. When on stage, we ritualize our goofiness, recreating it over and over in our performances.

1 offer the follow ing scene, written after the trip to Israel, as a sample o f the theater we do.

Butch, a talk show host, enters B u t c h : Good evening and welcome to G N N , the Gay News N etw ork. I am Butch Wiener, and this is “ My Show." Tonight, on "My Show," we will explore a question that has been on people’s minds since the dawn of civilization: can love survive in times of war. W ith us are tw o lovers, who— in the best tradition of Romeo and Juliet— are struggling w ith this question. One of them is a Palestinian, the other an Israeli, they have been lovers fo r over seven years, and I’m sure that our viewers would like to know: how do you do it? P a le s tin ia n : Well Butch, we both believe that love can... Is ra e li: ...Must! P a le s tin ia n : Yes, must transcend political boundaries. B u tc h : But do you experience some form of tension due to the political, cultural and religious differences between your tw o people? Is ra e li: Yeah, there is some tension between our families... P a le s tin ia n : ...especially between my m other and his mother. Is ra e li: But we both believe that prejudice will be overcome by mutual respect and understanding... P a le s tin ia n : ...so we just accept both our m others’ feelings w ithout trying to change them... Is ra e li: ...and hopefully with time they would learn from our exam ple. B u tc h : D o you celebrate the holidays together? Is ra e li: Yes, we do. B u tc h : Well, w ith one of you Jewish, and the other Muslim, what holi days do you celebrate? P a le s tin ia n : That used to be a big issue earlier on... Is ra e li: ...but eventually we realized that if we are ever to put an end to religious fanaticism... P a le s tin ia n : ...we must first learn to discover what the religious r it uals of the other... Is ra e li: ...can teach us about ourselves. P a le s tin ia n : For example, we both do Passover together, as a way

Tomfoolery (he o f the dildo-juggling act) calls this the role o f the sacred clowm. The sacred clow n’s purpose is to bring authority down to earth, to strip the emperor’s clothes. Our experience o f otherness— not only as gay people in a hetero world, but also as freaks in the gay “ communi ty” — allows us to see and express what other people might not notice or maybe choose to ignore, Think o f it as The Island o f M isfit Toys (M axZine’s analogy): we live on the fringe o f society. We are the toys that never belonged anywhere, yet end up having so much fun. We are the people who removed ourselves from popular culture so that we can just be ourselves. Perhaps that’s also the source o f our radical politics. As political people w'e often find ourselves performing in many different events. In November 2000 w'e marched with thousands o f people on Fort Benning in Columbus, GA, demanding to shut down the School o f the Americas (w'here the US m ilitary trains many Latin American dictators and terror ists). 2000 people were arrested. W hile waiting for the m ilitary police to process us, we moved through the crowds singing about gay assimila tion and new-age consumerism, and tried to get boys to put on lipstick. Many o f the people in the protests we attend are much more mainstream than us. and perhaps not too comfortable w ith our queerness on display. Yet over the years they came to expect us to show up and inject some thing different into the usual speeches-and-folksongs formula o f many political rallies. It’s as if our role is to entertain the troops, the people out there trying to make a real difference in the w'orld. Living in faerie community means a commitment to the process o f con sensus. Doing faerie theater means the same. Consensus is not the first thing that one imagines when one thinks about the theater. Yet we won’t do it any other way. A few years ago while in Tel Aviv to perform “ Next Year in Sodom,” our producer approached us 15 minutes before the last night’s show with a request to cut out a scene from the play. It was a stressful moment, not least because the last thing an actor wants to do 15 minutes before the curtain rises is to change the play. S till, there it w'as.

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

Isra e li: Yes. But we both decided that the bloodshed has to end somewhere... P a le s tin ia n : ...so while we do give each other the space to mourn and rage... Is ra e li: ...we are also committed to compassion and acceptance. B u tc h : Than why did your brother participate in that suicide bomb ing? P a le s tin ia n : A month earlier my father was murdered by the Israelis. B u tc h : Your father, who was a gentle farmer who loved his God, pro vided for his family, and generously and unconditionally helped the poor, the needy, and those less fortunate than him. P a le s tin ia n : Yes. And he was a part of the SWAT team that kid napped and torture d him. Is ra e li: I was there when he died after three weeks of “ intensive interrogation.” A t first I felt a lo t of guilt because of that. P a le s tin ia n : But eventually he learned... Isra e li: ...with his help... P a le s tin ia n : ...that guilt is the opposite of responsibility, and that w ith ou t forgiving ourselves... Is ra e li: ...we will never forgive each other. B u tc h : to audience Is that true love o r what? Audience claps. Now, let me see if I understand this correctly. To Israeli A fte r you killed his father, his brother maimed your sister, which made your father order the destruction of his family’s home. To Palestinian And that is what caused the kids in your village to attack his teacher, which led to him uprooting your olive-tree orchard. Now, your family had been living in Palestine for 800 years before the arrival of the Jews... P a le s tin ia n : But you have to understand that the Jews had nowhere to go after the Holocaust. Israel was the natural choice. Is ra e li: W ith all due respect to the Holocaust, even before the Holocaust Jews were immigrating to Palestine. P a le s tin ia n : Well, Israel was promised to your people by God. Is ra e li: But that does not excuse stealing lands from the Palestinians who lived there peacefully long before we too k it over. P a le s tin ia n : You did not take it over. You reclaimed it. You were returning to your homeland. Is ra e li: We stole it from your people. P a le s tin ia n : My people could always go to any of the many Arab countries throughout the Middle East. Is ra e li: That is a very limited view of the situation, and a very poor excuse for ruthlessly turning millions of Palestinians into refugees. P a le s tin ia n : But that was the only solution given that the Jews needed this land to provide a safe haven fo r all of your refugees. Is ra e li: But at what price? P a le s tin ia n : That is beside the point! Israel today is the best place fo r the Jews to live! Is ra e li: And the w orst for everybody else!! P a le s tin ia n : Oh, don’t give me that!!! Is ra e li: Shut up, Okay, just shut up!!! Storms out P a le s tin ia n : Fuck you! Fuck you!!! Exits B u tc h : Well, obviously the question of whether love can survive in times of war will not be resolved in only one sitting. I would like to thank my guests tonight. I am Butch W iener, and this is “ My Show.” Join me to m o rro w night, when we’ll explore the relationship between homosexuality and Tibetan Buddhism. Good night. Curtain.

to explore our personal... Is ra e li ..and political.. P a le s tin ia n : ...liberation. Isra e li: Also, we both fast together during the Ramadan, to focus on our personal... P a le s tin ia n and political. Isra e li: . atonement. P a le s tin ia n . We also celebrate Israel's Independence Day together, to get in touch with our personal... Isra e li: ...and political... P a le s tin ia n an d Is ra e li to g e th e r: ..independence. B u tch . This is quite remarkable! To audience Isn’t this incredible? Gets audience to clap. I'm sure our audience would like to know how the tw o of you met. P a le s tin ia n : W ell Butch, we met while he was a part of the Israeli m ilitary tro o p that uprooted my village’s olive-tree orchard. B u tc h : Olive trees that have always symbolized your people’s perse verance, holding-together, and your connection to the land. W hat a horrible way to meet. You must have hated him so much!! P a le s tin ia n I was angry at first. But eventually we both realized that in order to end hate... Isra e li: ...we must exercise forgiveness. B u tc h : But surely you felt an unbear able emptiness at the loss of such sym bolic connection! P a le s tin ia n : Yes, at first I did. But then I saw that love too could be... Isra e li: ...a symbol of holding togeth er... P a le s tin ia n : ...and my wound was healed. B u tc h : Now, why did the Israelis destroy that orchard? P a le s tin ia n : The kids in my village were hiding behind those trees while throwing rocks at passing Israeli cars. B u tc h : I see. Isra e li: In one of those cars was my piano teacher. B u tc h : Your piano teacher, who was an elegant, grey-haired woman, whose passion for music could only be compared to her love fo r her country. P a le s tin ia n : I used to feel really guilty about how all the kids in my village assaulted innocent passers-by... Isra e li: ...until I reminded him that no Israeli is innocent of crimes committed against the Palestinian people. B u tc h : And why were those children throwing rocks? P a le s tin ia n : They were protesting the Israeli m ilitary authorities that bulldozed my family’s home. B u tch : Your family’s house, which was a simple structure made of bricks and mortar, that provided your family w ith shelter from the rain and shade from the sun for over seven generations. Isra e li: My father was the general who ordered the destruction of his home. B u tch : That is horrible! How can any relationship survive such trials and tribulations? P a le s tin ia n . Very easily, actually. Home is really only where the heart is... Isra e li: ...and our hearts are with each other. B u tc h I see. W hy was that house torn down? Isra e li: Tearing down that house was the Israeli Government’s response to a suicide bombing that his brother carried out in Tel Aviv. P a le s tin ia n : Yes. Isra e li: During which my sister lost her leg. B u tc h : Your five-year-old cute, innocent sister whom everybody loved, and whom your m other expected to grow up to be a great bal lerina. That must have been awful fo r you.

RFD Winter 2005-06 (# 124)

Tey

C o m m u n i t y :Life in A u s t r a l i a ' s F a e r y l a n by

rT>

a c o s y S e Xc z

“What's it like living in a community {of queens},’ people regularly ask me? I almost always say without hesitation, “it’s great-wouldn’t live anywhere else-so glad I made the move even though it took many decades." I’ve been mostly single this life but have rarely lived by myself. I've always been attracted to the idea of a tribe or community I could live with. I had tried twice before, once joining a set-up community-mostly strait, and another time trying to set up a queer/faerie com munity with a group of friends. I’ve been doing it here now for almost 4 years and sometimes I look back and it all seems like magic-faery magic. A little book I recently read by Bill Metcalf, Community Living, says that, despite years of research, there are few if any universally agreed upon rules for intentional community living. Yes, we have rules here at faeryland but as we often say, “They’re only guidelines.” And yes we do spend a lot of time talking-as a group and in 1’s and 2’s and 3’s about “rules,” about what ways we might set about talking, and about what we are feeling-right now in that moment. There are so many issues. It is easy to imagine a host of potential problems: money, property, governance, decision making, accountability, conflict resolution, gender relations, sex & boyfriends, children, privacy and autonomy, drugs, shared visions, rituals, inclusion and exclusion...and so on. And, yes, we have talked about all those things-some, many times-and we will do it again. These issues are problems and challenges in any grouping in the world. In our community we spend many hours each month talk ing through all the above stuff. We have weekly heart and busi ness circles, bi-monthly planning meetings and quarterly tribal building holiday talkandfeelfests . . .and, surprise, surprise, every time we are also dealing with our own “personal bag gage.” One moment we are trying to decide what color roof to put on the composting toilet and the next moment we are deal ing with rejection, blaming, exclusion and pain. Sometimes it seems like an alternative reality. A parallel universe. But it’s all the same thing. The personal is the poliltical is the personal. So I couldn’t think of a better place to live and at the same time learn so much about who I am. It seems the ways of the world are becoming more individualistic and less communal. This intentional community is going against that trend. I am in it for my own health and heart and for the earth. I love my fellow communards. It all seems pretty radical at times but it’s the best relationship I’ve ever been in. And it’s certain ly not monogamous. Another radical thing about faeryland is that we are open to all visitors, long and short term as well as new residents-all comers, both those we already know and those we don’t. We ask that all “visitors” commit themselves to open and direct communication from the start. So see ya here for a visit some time soon-and don’t forget your heart. We supply the cushions!

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

fie» ti«w «»»si«t>»r

A n d L e z s a y s : We h av e som e m o ney for p la n tin g trees. Y ip pee! We a p p lie d for a g ra n t from th e g o v e r n m en t m en an d they h av e g iv en us a little o v er sev en th o u . That is about $6 per tree for a planting

that will provide a wildlife corridor between the hoop pines and below the spring. F u n d in g in c lu d e s tree g u a rd s an d m u lc h a n d ev e n c h ic k e n p o o to p u t a ro u n d th e little o n e s. T he u n c o v e rin g of ra in f o re s t tre e s s m o th e re d bv la n ta n a a n d o th e r w e e d s h a s b ee n d o n e m o stly by h a n d b u t p re tty so o n now a m an w ith a tra c to r is co m in g to clear a big p o r tio n of th e p la n tin g . O ver a thousand food trees fo r rare fru it doves and koalas are going to be planted. D id I s a y Y ip p e e ? I am so happy; so exdted!

Ozfaeries, POB 495, Nimbin NSW, 2480 Australia tel (from US) +61 2 66 89 70 70 ozfaeries@yahoo.<om

www. ozfaeries. tom

RTD Chakra Tarot A r t i t l e S e r i e s Pa r t 5 of 7: T h r o a t

C h a k r a

(<) 2005 by David Ray M A G IC IA N : T h e T h r o a t C h a k r a Mercury is the messenger, translating information from one form to another. The Magician is the manifested turn ing thoughts and ideas into physical reality. Playful and creative, Mercury loves a good story and a good laugh. The throat chakra is the place where we speak our truth. When the throat is clear, our words are in alignment with our authentic selves, and we are able to manifest our dreams.

The throat chakra is symbol ized by the Magician card in the tarot. The Magician card has to do with how we use our thoughts and words to create reality. Most tarot decks picture a figure with one arm gesturing towards the sky and one arm gesturing towards the earth. The Magician bridges the earth and sky by turning our words into a manifestation of reality. The Magician stands at the crossroads of life, able to use the four elements of earth, water, fire, and air, often sym bolized by a coin, a cup, a wand, and a sword.

T H E L O V E R S : T h e In h a le of t h e T h r o a t C h a k r a The inhale or lunar breath of the throat chakra is the ener gy of the sign of Gemini, symbolized by the Lovers card in the tarot. Gemini is an air sign of inspiration and commu nication. Gemini people love to interact in social situa tions. They are often intelligent, skilled at language and mental disciplines. The Lovers card shows how we can connect seeming opposites through our intellect. Many versions of the Lovers card depict a man and a woman coming together, but you can imagine the marriage of any duality. In ancient decks, the Lovers card was called the Twins. The two people on the card are really two parts of the same being. Our intellect operates through self-reflec tion. We bounce ideas back and forth between the two hemispheres of our brain, weaving together an interpretation of our experience. The inhale of the throat chakra brings inspiration up from the heart chakra, to give it voice.

Gourd Tarot

The Magician card and the throat chakra also correspond to the planet Mercury. In Vedic astrology, Mercury is the planet of the intellect. Mercury takes all of our raw perceptual energy and organizes it into an inter pretation of reality. In this way, Mercury is like a weaver or storyteller. Mercury loves exercising the intellect through games and puzzles. He is an actor who can change and take on many different roles. Like the Magician in the tarot, Mercury can also be a trickster. Our thoughts ulti mately create our reality by filtering out information from an infinite sea of possibilities. But we are usually unaware of this filtering process, and so we often don’t understand how we could have created some of the challenging expe riences in which we find ourselves. Mercury is an important planet for faerie culture. As a Jyotishi or Vedic astrologer, I have noticed the prominence of Mercury in the charts of many radical faerie persons, places, and events. Mercury is an transsexual planet, able to go back and forth between male and female. Along with Saturn, Mercury is a queer planet. In general, Mercury has more to do with male homosexuality and Saturn has more to do with lesbianism. But certain place ments of either planet in the birth chart can help predict queerness in both men and women. Jupiter and Venus correspond with the sex and heart chakras, the places where the reproductive organs are located. They are the planets of husband and wife and procreation. Mercury and Saturn, on the other hand, do not lead to procreation. The energies of Saturn and Mercury are channeled towards creativeself-expression, evolution, and an under standing of deeper truth. As the planets that correspond with the throat and the asshole, it is easy to understand how these planets relate to gay sex.

RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

T H E H E R M I T : T h e E x h a l e of t h e T h r o a t C h a k r a The exhale or solar breath of the throat chakra is the ener gy of the sign of Virgo, symbolized by the Hermit card. Virgo is a sensitive earth sign having to do with managing

physical reality and healing the physical body. Virgo is especially concerned with turning those airy thoughts into earthy manifestation. The Hermit is a card of being true to your deeper spirit, represented by the lantern flame. The Hermit is an elderly being who has learned through expe rience how to align her words with her deeper intent. As the exhale of the throat chakra, the Hermit and Virgo is about how we assimilate nutri ents down into our body, including the food we eat, the air we breath, and the thoughts we take in. Like a healing doctor, the Hermit has the intent to do no harm.

F~RANKLIN A B B O T T

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In Vedic astrology, the planet Mercury is the only planet that is exalted in its own sign. Mercury is exalted in the sign of Virgo, and both are represented by the throat chakra. The throat chakra is a crucial energetic gateway in our body, connecting the head to the body. The throat chakra is a vulnerable place, where air travels to our lungs and neural messages travel to our brain. When that link is severed, we die. While all of the other planets are exalted in signs that are not their own, creating a weaving togeth er of the chakras, Mercury is the weaver himself. As the weaver, Mercury sits in a neutral position, with equal access and equal relationship to all of the other planets in the solar system. When you breath with the throat chakra, imagine that you are creating a bridge between earth and sky. This bridge is your word, the unique expression of the divine that is you.

poetry

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EX P LO R IN G T H E TH RO A T Find the Magician, Lovers, and Hermit cards from your favorite tarot deck. Place them somewhere you will see them often, such as on an altar or near your bed. Meditate on the images in the cards and become recep tive to their messages. See if you can receive their wis dom on an intuitive level. Using your creative intellect, practice free-writing about the cards and see what comes through. Breath with your throat chakra, imagining that with your conscious breath you are cleansing and energiz ing this important energy center. Feel how this chakra is at once vulnerable and strong, as you open and relax your throat area. As you inhale, imagine the energy of the Lovers card, bridging seeming opposites with divine inspi ration. As you exhale, feel the energy of the Hermit card, being mindful of your words as you send nutrients of all kinds down to the other chakras in the body. And as you explore the Magician card, don’t forget that Mercury is a trickster. Laughter and childlike play can help clear and empower your throat chak

Winter Special

sixty-fo u r poems by six drawings by

Patrick Angus 96 pages

Please note new contact information: DAVID RAY/BOOM david@rayveda.com (206) 853-0794

RFD Winter 2005-06 (# 124)

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T fa yin g

seeing the notes would help me. I looked at the musical notes. There w ere completely meaningless to me. But I knew Silent Night. I tried to poke it out. Silent night, holy night .1 poked around, hitting wrong notes. I knew this— 1 was sure 1could fig ure it out. Silent night, holy night. .. I kept striking the wrong keys. I knew it but I couldn't play it yet. 1 couldn’t figure it out this fast. Some boys and parents began to mumble. There was a giggle here and there. Then my mom's friend came and got me and I got off the bench. People clapped, but 1 felt terrible and ashamed. There were more announcements and reports, and later the gray haired lady played the piano really well and tried to get all the boys and par ents to sing Christmas songs. The den mothers and some of the parents sang, but the boy scouts didn’t really join in very much. Afterwards, somebody gave me a cookie shaped like a Christmas tree with icing on it. 1 went home feeling greatly ashamed. I refused to play The Little Drummer Boy after that.

fay E a r by J o n P e r r o t t i

My mother's card club friend was a den mother. Neither of my brothers were in that group o f scouts, and I was loo small, but she called to ask if | might be able to play the piano for the upcoming cub scout event. She had heard me poking out The Little Drummer Boy one day when she had stopped at our house for something. I just picked out the simple tune with one finger and did the monotonous "rum-pum-pum” part with my left hand. My mom thought 1 was exceptional and made me play it when company came. She loved to show me off. I didn't really know how to play anything well enough to perform, but they decided I should try it. The night of the scouting event, my mom had to stay home and take care of my little sister. Her friend picked me up in her car. I remember getting to the American Legion hall and being turned over to a big lady, older than my mom and her friend hut younger than my grandma. She had curly gray hair and seemed very important and a little bit mean. “ You going to play piano? You know how?” She had glasses. She looked at me without warmth or sweetness. “ What can you play?” She asked without smiling. "Little drummer boy,” I meekly answered in what must have been a tiny, girlish voice. I don’t think I was in kindergarten yet. “ You can play two songs. Here,.. she said, and opened a music book o f Christmas songs and started flipping through the pages. "Hark the Herald Angels Sing. You know- that?” Her voice was mean like a man’s voice. 1 didn’t answer. She kept going. “ Silent Night. You know Silent Night ? That would be good. Everybody knows Silent Night." I didn’t know' how to play Silent Night, but I knew' how it went. Maybe I could figure it out just like I figured out The Little Drummer Boy. I was afraid to say I didn't know any other songs. I agreed to try Silent Night. I’he nice lady who was my mom’s friend came back dressed in a pretty skirt with a lady’s scouting blouse. She took me into the hall which was lull of bigger boys in scout uniforms. I think 1 saw one of my cousins. I was scared. The lady walked me up toward the place where there was a microphone on a stand, and we sat down in the front row so we could be right by the piano. There were announcements, and then the nice lady went up to the microphone. “ We have a special treat tonight.” she said. "We have a little boy here w ho is very talented. He has a natural ability to with music, and he can play by ear. He just hears a song and then he can sit down and play it.” That was such a nice thing to say about me, I thought. It made me happy to hear such praise. There was a murmur in the audience. The boys and their parents wanted to hear me. 1 was scared and excited at the same time. The lady said my name and beckoned me to the piano. I walked up to the piano and sat on the bench, my feet dangling. The lady gave me a little hug around the shoulders and then left me alone and returned to her chair. Everybody was quiet. I found the spot on the keyboard and started the "rum-pum-pum" pan with my left hand. The piano tone was different from our piano at home. It echoed in the big room. I started the melody . . . the part that goes "Come the\ tohl me pah-rumpa pum-pum ” That was really the only line I knew. At home I just played it over and over, and my mom thought it was terrific. 1 think the impressive thing was that I was playing with both hands even though I was just a little kid.

Twenty years ago I saw- my mom’s friend again. 1 was a college sophomore at the University o f Hawaii, studying Japanese. I had had my first major mental breakdown and had to spend a w eek in the hospital in Honolulu. After I got out, my dad arranged for me to fly home. I was not doing very well. I went to see my aunt. I stood, smoking a cigarette in her kitchen, my hands shaking. "I know smoking is bad," 1 apologized, thinking she disapproved. “ It’s okay. You do whatever you need to do.” she answered kindly. "June Moore is going to be stopping by. Do you remember June?” June was the friend o f my mother who had arranged that childhood piano performance. "Yes. I remember her.” I was still embarrassed by the memory. When June came in, she w'as much older, but she was still thin and pretty. She greeted me with a happy smile. Oh, she hadn’t seen me since 1 was a little boy, she went on. And now' 1 was at the University of Hawaii! “ My husband and 1 had a wonderful time in Hawaii,” she said. “ We had a tour guide who was so funny! He’s point to a fellow on the street and say, ‘There’s another Bruce!" she laughed. “ Do you know what a Bruce is?” “ No,” I answered. “ A Bruce is a homosexual! That’s w'hat they call them over there. Every place we w'ent on the bus he would point to another one and say, ‘Uhoh, there goes another Bruce!. . .He was so funny!” “ 1 never heard that before,” I said and looked at the tablecloth. June giggled and sipped her coffee. Last week 1 was back in my hometown for a few days to visit my dad. My step-mother goes to the nursing home there. She saw that 1 had my guitar with me, and suggested I go along. I figured out how to accompany her for Ave Maria. She asked what other Christmas songs 1 knew. 1 looked through her book of holiday music. “ Little Drummer Boy is pretty easy,” I said. "It only has a few chords.” The old ladies were happy to have visitors, and it didn’t matter what we did.

Come they told me, pah-rumpa-pum-pum . . . A new horn king to see, pah-rumpa-pum-pum . . . As easy as it was. there was still a chord in there that 1 goofed up at some point. But it didn’t matter. My dad had come along for the ride. He looked at me with soft and affectionate eyes as I played. / have no gift to bring, pah-rumpa-pum-pum. that’s fit to give a

k in g . . . The printed notes are still meaningless to me. I don’t know who this king is that I ’ m supposed to be playing for, or why I should keep playing at all. 1 can’t find the right keys, and I know I ’ ll never be a good boy scout. But I keep poking along, playing by ear. I think of my father's smile, and it gives me hope that when the time comes for Silent Night, somehow my odd and errant notes w ill fit into an unimagined harmony o f heavenly peace.

After I played that same line for about three or four minutes, I saw the gray-haired lady go over and say something to my mom’s friend. Then my mom’s friend came up and whispered real close in my ear that I could go on to the second song. She opened the music book which was marked at the Silent Night page. Even though she knew I played by ear. maybe she thought

RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

K eeps ti ie H umanS oulfromG re A ll an T ro x l e r: G ra p h ic V is io n a ry

fr o m it s f i r s t is s u e A lla n e s ta b lis h e d th e

g r a p h ic lo o k o f R L D . H is C o u n t r y L o v e r s , o u r ic o n . R e p e a t e d ly w e r e t u r n t o h is im a g e s , "t h e t r i p t y c h o f h is p r i n t s b e g in n in g t h is f e a t u r e is fr o m is s u e # 1 0 , W in te r , 197&-

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

W 3?' W

A l l a n T r o x le r : an R P D f o u n d e r & G r a p h i c A r t i s t

?AR obin Ridrrfast in a f u,i r,K

IRFD

Straightway the s h e r i f f ' s horses c a n 't be freed from, t h e ir g lin t in g sa d d le s, the dog from it s a n n ih ila tin g dependence, the deer from I t s sla u g h te r. But I can do without d a iry products and I can get a liv e trap to catch the pack ra t behind the s in k . Above the pressing is s u e s of l i f e in the kitchen and in the f ie ld there are glim mers of an ecology of S p i r i t . A porcupine waddles acro ss the road in the headlight beam. We stop and murmur "Oh, a porcupine!” For a moment we are c h ild r e n . What is t h is d e lig h t? The porcupine i s O ther, u n lik e the h o rse s, the dog, the s la in deer. I t liv e s it s m ysterious l i f e among the b lackberry vin es and f i r stumps. But we musn’ t forget that i t is th e re , q u ie tly n ib b lin g , sleepin g and wandering. I t w ill lead us to jo y . We queer people bring an e q u a lity to liv in g in the country. The canning is shared. The wood g e ttin g , the lovemaking, the p ic k ing of flo w e rs. We are try in g to found our new world on r e s p e c t , not e x p lo ita tio n . I t ’ s a good place from which to reco nsid er how we r e la t e to other c re a tu re s . Some day the n at u ra l an im als, the d e e r, the b a t, the crow > and the porcupine w ill come to v i s i t and I w ill be ready. We encourage our neighbors to keep t h e ir pets at home. Soon the conversion of my lib e ra te d chickencoop w ill be done and I ' l l move in , away from the e le c t r ic lig h t that outshines the moon. [The v e rses accompanying the follow ing p rin ts are from B la k e 's "Auguries of Innocence".] -A lla n

HEARING THE SILENT VOICES OF OTHER CREATURES In the courthouse hallw ay the other prospec t iv e ju ro r s smoke, chat and s ta r e at the flo o r . The shiny d is p la y case on the marble w all was PRESENTED BY THE JOSEPHINE COUNTY SHERIFF’ S MOUNTED POSSE. 1962. There are tro p h ies topped w ith l i t t l e horse s t a t u e s , bronze saddles and gilded spurs. A fte r I am re je cte d fo r ju r y duty I see the do gcatch er’ s truck parked a t the hardware sto re . In the cage th e re ’ s a small white dog who looks confused. I t ’ s hunting season. At the gas s ta tio n the man running the pump i s t e llin g C arl something and g rin n in g . I can ’ t catch the p a r t ic u la r s but C arl i s looking away u n e a sily and b a re ly nodding. "What was that about?" " T e llin g me a l l about h is new gun." D oris L e s s in g , in her novel The Memoirs of a S u rv iv o r , suggests that " a ll t h is time human beings have been watched by c re a tu re s whose perceptions and understanding have been so fa r in advance of anything we have been able to a cc e p t, because of our v a n it y , that we would be appalled i f we were able to know, would be h u m ilia te d . Ue have been liv in g w ith them as blun dering , b lin d , c a llo u s , cru e l murderers and t o r t u r e r s , and they have watched and known u s."

RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

A FIBRE FROM THE B R A IN DOES TEAR 14

Ri cl c G r a f i n t h e K i t e h e

back outside and front inside covers of RFD No. Six

RTQ #s

Take your tim e to p>rep>are in to neat lit t le p ile s: A large p o tato, scrubbed and evenly diced A c ou ple o f carrots, sliced The top>s o ff b ro c c o li, c u t in b ite -s iz e s (about a cup) A b ig handful o f chopp>ed spinach Six sprigs o f parsley, snipped A few sliced mushrooms i f you wish A h a lf o f a cup o f fresh shelled peas

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

apart. Any one of th e se can work, j u s t make i t f i t the space you have a v a i l a ble. Some kind of b a c k s p l a s h h e lp s keep food f r o * f a l l i n g o f f the back and makes c l e a n i n g e a s i e r . I a l s o l i k e the f r o n t edge to s t i c k out a co u pl e in ch es so v e g e t a b le s can be shoved o f f r i g h t in t o the s k i l l e t . See i f someone can b u i l d t i l t out bi ns underneath for s to rin g onions, r i c e , s u g ars, f l o u r s , and ot he r f r e q u e n t l y used f o o d s t u f f s . Tou are coming up with a v e r y e f f i c i e n t work s p a c e . H e ig h t: With your arms at your s i d e , the board shou ld come J u s t a l i t t l e above the w r i s t s , but c o n s i d e r the h e ig h t fo r everyone l i v i n g t h e r e , and I n c l u d e a s tu r d y bench fo r c h i l d r e n to sta n d on and h e l p . A l l “ a c c e s s o r i e s " to the c u t t i n g board s ho u ld be w i t h i n Immediate r e a c h , p r i m a r i l y the k n i v e s . Tou should have a bread k n i f e , one or two 10 to 12" c h e f k n i v e s , a co u pl e p a r in g kn iv e s 2" or 3 ” lo n g , and a b u t c h e r ' s s t e e l f or sharpening. They should have r i g i d b l a d e s , r i v e t e d or w e ll f a s t e n e d han d l e s , and be ba la nc e d around the po int where the handle meets the b l a d e . I p r e f e r carbon - s t e e l b la d e s - - they can be sharpened q u i c k l y , but they must be washed and dryed s e p a r a t e l y by hand as soon as you have f i n i s h e d usi n g them, or they w i l l t a r n i s h and r u s t . There are s t a i n l e s s s t e e l bl a d e s a v a i l a b l e , but they w i l l not take an edge as e a s ily . A good q u a l i t y k n i f e seems expen s i v e at f i r s t , but e l i m i n a t i n g the f r u s t r a t i o n o f c u t t i n g w it h d u l l , f l i m s y dime s t o r e m odels, makes them w e ll worth the money. Learn how to use the b u t c h e r ' s s t e e l and keep your k n iv e s as sha rp as a razor. A k n i f e i s c o n s i d e r e d sharp 1f the weight of i t a l o n e , drawn a cr os s a tomato, w i l l s l i t the s k i n . Keep them up on a r a c k , magnetic or o t h e r w i s e , above the c u t t i n g board where they are handy and f r e e from being d u l l ed and n ic k e d in a d r a w e r . Don't use th e se k n iv e s fo r c u t t i n g s t r i n g or box e s , and never c u t on any s u r f a c e but wood. ( I h i t the c e i l i n g when someone was sawing through a p i z z a onto the metal baking s h e e t one n i g h t . ) A l o t of time can be saved i f everyone 1s p r o f i c i e n t at c u t t i n g , s l i c i n g , and d i c i n g . V a r io u s cookbooks show how. I le a r n e d from J u l i a C h i l d ' s ( lo v e he r ) M as t e r in g the Art of French C o ok i n g . P ra c t i c e ea ch time you c ooF7 In 11me, you w i l l be a b le to d i c e an onion f o r s a u t e e i n g by the time the b u t t e r has melted in the s k i l l e t . The c u t t i n g board a re a shou ld a l s o have a l l the mixing and bakin g ‘u t e n s 11s c l o s e at hand. Hang measuring cups and spoons on p e g s , and t r y to f in d room f o r b o w l s, b r e a d , cake and pi e pans on

Bring tw o cup>$ o f water to b o il. Add 2 tsp. o f sa lt, the potatoes and carrots. Cover and simmer about 10 m in. (h a lf-d o n e , d o n 't ever over cook a n y th in g !) Toss in the rest o f the vegetables and simmer u n til they are barely tender. M ix 3 tbs. o f flo u r in a lit t le m ilk and stir i t in to the soup. Then odd 2 or 3 cups o f m ilk to make i t as th ic k or as th in as you lik e . Heat just to b o ilin g , but do not b o il. Then c h ill i t in the re frig e ra to r, uncovered, u n til i t is tim e to e a t, or serve it warm . (C heck the seasoning.) This can be easily varied by adding w hatever you lik e or have on hand. Substitute c a u liflo w e r for b ro c c o li, turnip* fo r potatoes, or snip in the c h iv e s ittin g on your w in d o w s ill. Try some minced sauteed on io n and add e ith e r fresh d ill or sweet basil fo r a lit t l e spiciness. w ith love and spring feve r, R ick

® ®

COLLECTIVE KITCHEN

Our most i n d i s p e n s a b l e a s s e t in the k i t c h e n i s the c u t t i n g b o a r d . No, not a board a c t u a l l y , but a whole coun t e r about seven f e e t long and more than two f e e t deep . I t was made out of oak tongue and groove f l o o r i n g s c r a p s t h a t were glu ed and clamped t o g e t h e r ( i t would be b e t t e r to n a i l them to a p i e c e of plywood) and l a y s on a r a t h e r r i c k e t y 2x4 fram e. D e s p i t e bein g r i c k e t y , i t 1s the p l a c e f o r food p r e p a r a t i o n . Two people can work t h e r e c o m f o r t a b l y , and kneading bread or r o l l i n g out p a s t r y 1s a j o y In d e e d . A l o t of the h a s s l e s of f i x i n g a meal f o r a l a r g e group o f peol e a re a l H v i a t e d by s im p ly ha vin g a arge work s u r f a c e f o r c u t t i n g , chop p i n g , and m i x i n g . 1 have seen p l a n s f o r c o u n t e r s made out o f 2x4s s e t on the narrow edge, h o le s d r i l l e d on the wide s i d e , and a l l o f them glued and b o l t e d t o g e t h e r to make a l a r g e s l a b - - t h e n , j u s t add some s t u r d y l e g s . A f r i e n d made one out o f t h r e e 1x8s glued and pegged to b r a c k e t s and mounted wi th pegs on I-beam type l e g s , w it h a c e n t e r b r a c e , a l s o pegged. I t has a n i c e Sh aker look (a good s o u r c e of i d e a s ) , and can be taken

I lik e to fix this when I can w alk out to the garden on a sunny spring day and fin d tender new vegetables that can be q u ic k ly blanched and cooled down to be e a t en w ith homemade bread and tea in the warm afterno on. But i f , lik e me, your spring feelings c a n 't w a it, fin d good fresh produce at the store, cook it up and eat i t w h ile you w atch the last o f the snow m e lt.

(ook t i t t h e ,

Sowe o f the ro u gh e st times f o r c o l l e c t i v e l i v i n g s i t u a t i o n s c e n t e r around g e t t i n g the s h lt w o r k done. And co ok in g, d i s h w a s h i n g , and c l e a n i n g up the k i t c h en a re u s u a l l y on the top of the s h i t work 1 1 s t . Any “me eting* on the m atter ends up in arguements ov e r who's not doinq h i s s h a r e , who's the w or st s l o b , on and on. Arrangemnts do need to be worked out f or bu ying food, g e t t i n g a meal pr e p ar e d each d a y , and the p la c e c l e a n e d , but h a l f o f p e o p l e ' s r e l u c t a n c e to p i t c h in may be due to the k i t c h e n Itself. 1 have gone i n t o the k i t c h e n w ith a d i s h In mind but c o u l d n ' t f in d u t e n s i l s , v a r i o u s I n g r e d i e n t s , or any c o u n t e r s pa ce on which to work. Cook ing a meal was such a h a s s l e 1t did more damage to my mental being than i t helped my p h y s i c a l one. And as the q u a l i t y and r e g u l a r i t y of our meals went down, so did our h e a l t h and d i s p o s i t i o n . Wint er weat her has r e q u i r e d h e a r t i e r foods f or u s , so I have de ci ded to take a look at the k i t c h e n and t r y to come up w ith an area t h a t makes cooking e a s i e r f o r e v e r y one, and, h o p e f u l l y . m a k e s ever yo ne more w i l l I n g to cook .

SPRING FEVER SOUP

& o

mmm

R ick G ra f, R F D f o u n d e r , c h e f, c a r p e n t e r

shelve* u nderneath. Put s p o o n * , w h ip s , u r e t e r s , e t c . , In dr a we rs or a l s o hang t h e * up. We hung the s p i c e r ac k here t o o , away f r o * the d e t e r ! o r a t i n g he a t of the s t o v e . Now t h a t the c u t t i n g board I s a l l s e t up, t ak e a look a t the s t o v e and co oki ng u t e n s i l s . I f 1 t ' s a wood b u r n ing s t o v e , you sho u ld have a p l a c e for s t o r i n g wood and k i n d l i n g . We l i k e t h in g s ha nging up (and I t f r e e s p r e c i o u s cupboard s p a c e ) , so the c o l l e c t i o n o f s k t l l e t s and sa u c ep an s a re above the s t o v e . The s k i l l e t s a re made of w e ll season ed c a s t Ir o n heavy enough to spr e ad he a t e v e n l y . Use those t h i n t i n t h in g s f o r a n y t h i n g but c o o k i n g ! The s auc epa ns are v a r i o u s s i z e s *nd Made of heavy a l u n l n u * . We keep an en an el ed c a s t Ir o n s k i l l e t and saucepan f or co ok in g w hit e s a u c e s , egg d i s h e s and o t h e r foods t h a t a re d i s c o l o r e d by a l u * 1 n u * or c a s t I r o n . C h o p sticks, t u r n e r s , s p a t u l a s , and wooden cooking spoons a re kept 1n a drawer r i g h t b e s i d e the s t o v e . H o p e f u l l y , you s t i l l have room f o r la r g e p o t s , s t e a m e r s , a wok, or w h a te ve r e l s e . The l a s t major work a re a i s the sin k . Y o u ' l l need a s m a ll space to stack d i r t y d is h e s . I f the c u t t i n g board I s on one s i d e of the s i n k , t h a t

w i l l do.Two s i n k s and a d r a ln b o a r d on the o t h e r s i d e , make i t e a s y to wash, r i n s e and s t a c k a d i s h to d r a i n , a l l 1n one Mot ion . P ig something up. I want to b u i l d a cupboard f o r d i s h e s at one end of the s i n k , which would be between the d i n i n g t a b l e and the k i t c h e n a r e a . The s h e l v e s would be some type of heavy mesh w i r e or open g r i l l , and the bottom s h e l f would have s l o t s or a ra c k f o r p l a t e s and bowls to s l i p in on eoge. I would hang the cupboard from the c e i l i n g and make a d r a ln b o a r d below 1 t . Then, d i s h e s co ul d be washed, r i n s e d , and put away to d r i p d r y , s t a r t i n g w ith g l a s s e s and cups on the top s h e l f and working down. Doors c ou ld be mounted on the " d i n i n g room" s i d e , and maybe a drawer f o r s i l v e r w a r e t h a t would open on both sid e s. S e r v i n g bowls end o t h e r d is h e s f or the t a b l e would be s t o r e d In the base c a b i n e t u n d e r n e a t h . Now t r y to a rr a ng e t h e s e work a r e a s I n t o an " I d e a l " k i t c h e n . Get the d i n i n g t a b l e out o f the co ok in g area and put the r e f r l d g e r a t o r where I t 1s a c c e s s a b l e f o r work, and w i l l make a t r i a n g l e w it h the s to v e and s i n k , c l o s e enough t o g e t h e r to be e f f i c i e n t f o r one or two, but room enough f o r s e v e r a l peo ple to work on v a r i o u s t a s k s . Avoid doorways In t h i s s p a c e ; s t i l l , t r a f f i c through the k i t c h e n w h i l e a meal 1s b e

g a ij a c t i v i s t

KRFD

ing f i x e d i s a n u i s a n c e . A work area t ha t i s 1n f r o n t o f a window f i l l e d wi th p l a n t s , s u n s h in e and a n i c e vie w , tak e s the dru dge ry out of any c ho r e . f i n d c o n v e n ie n t but out of the way p l a c e s f o r garbage - - a can f or com p o s t , one f or b u r n a b le s and one for nonburnables. keep t o a s t e r s , c o f f e e p o t s , and o t h e r e l e c t r i c gadgetry o f f of the c u t t in g board. A c ou nte r or small t a b l e c l o s e to the t a b l e would be be t t e r f or t h e s e . Use any rem ain in g cupb oard , s h e l v e s , or maybe a c l o s e t , for s t o r ing canned and dry goods, p o t a t o s , s q u a s h , and s i m i l a r foo ds , fin a lly , check to see t h a t t he r e 1s adequate l i g h t i n g fo r each work a r e a . Hang up some p l a n t s and your d r i e d h e r b s , s e t out the f a v o r i t e j a r s and d i s h e s and ot h e r "junk s t o r e " f i n d s , and f a m i l i a r iz e everyone wi th where t h in g s go. Host k i t c h e n s are ne ver big enough for a l l o f these n i c e t i e s , but a l i t t l e thought and r e a r r a n g i n g can make a big change. A l l t h a t ’ s l e f t i s to f i x a big meal for everyone and see how i t a l l w or ks , " W e ll , maybe i f we . , ."

Rick Graf

Soami Archive

Remembering, Riclc G ra f One of the founding collective m em bers of RFD, Rick was born in Animosa, 1A A ugust 21, 1949. He attended the U of 1, m arried Donald Fngstrom in Iowa City on May 1, 1971 and earned an associate of science degree from Kirkwood C om m unity College as a legal assistant in 1991. He was a political actlivist, an anti-w ar actilvist and Iowa City area contractor and carpenter. 1le had served on the hum an Rights C om m ission, Ryan W hite Care Consortia and the Johnson C ounty AIDS Coalition. He was co-founder of the U of I Gay Liberation Front, and also co-founded the Iowa C enter for AIDS Resources and Education(ICARE). He w as involved w ith the M idw est M en's Festival, the Radical Faeries, the Deep Ecology M ovem ent and Q ueer Spirit. He w as a candidate for the Iowa City Council and was a m em ber of the Johnson Co. Democratic C entral Com m ittee. Diagnosed w ith HIV eleven years before he died, he d id n 't get sick until 1993 and stayed active w ith AIDS & political causes until a few weeks before his death on July 11, 1995. For all of Rick's activism, Donald said it will he the little things about his partner that he will miss the most. "He could build a house or bake n cake, and they'd both be perfect. He did so many things out of compassion and love."

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

| J^P J)

A r t h u r

E v a n s

#* >

Ti IINGS THAT GO BUM P IN THE NIGHT Joy or»d I spent the las* summer Irv in g in tents, for there were as y e t no structures in N e w Sodom w h ich consists o f fo rty acres o f dense forest lond on the side of 0 m ountoin, w ith no occe;s excep t on o ld overgrown Jeep tr o il that ends o t our boundary lin e . D uring the month c ‘ A jg u s t, Joy le ft N e w Sodom ond went bock to N e w Y o rk C ity to v is it bis fo m ily ond r e o c q u c in t him self w ith his b ig - c ity past. For o m onth— th iry -o n e lo ng days— I w ould be clo n e in the deep s i le n ce , liv in g in the midst o f c dark cedar forest ond surrounded by the d e e r, grouse, ond bear whose te rr i tory we hod in voded. I returned one day from shopping in the nearest town (seven miles a w a y), end was startle d to see that several holes, large c la w -s ix e , hod been torn in to the lower side o f the te n t, near the fro n t e n tra n c e . I hod mode the mistake o f le ttin g some c u t - o ff b ro c c o li stems in the te n t, wrapped in c e llo p h a n e . O f course, I knew that a ll orgonic le ftovers most be returned im m e d ia te ly , or they w ould a ttra c t scavengers. But I hod slipped up this tim e , ond one o f the onim al people hod come to v is it me w h ile I was gon e. Could it hove been a b e a r? I d id n 't know , but I was alw ays in fear o f encountering a bear in N e w Sodom, since the berries ond brush they eot grow in profusion on our lo nd, and th e ir shit was scottered o il over the p lo c e . The in c id e n t rem inded me o f how scared 1 re a lly was to be there alone w ith o u t my beloved Ja y . I d id n 't know that o greater score wos s t ill to com e.

There were always strange anim al sounds in the night in N ew Sodom, but we hod come to liv e w ith them . One o f the firs t was a loud "whoosh, whoosh* noise (lik e some kin d o f g ia n t b lo w in g its nose), fo llo w e d by the heavy vib ratio ns o f m oving fe e t, w hich we could feel through the th in te n t flo o r . W# subsequently discovered th a t deer were the source o f these, ond we come to enjoy hea ring them . The deer were enormous ond strong, brown o il o v e r, except fo r th e ir lo ng w h ite ta ils . O nce, w h ile I wos w o rk in g on sawing o lo g, I sow two or three o f them casua lly g ra z in g , not more than a hundred feet a w a y . They were graceful ond lo v e ly neighbors.

from our w ork on b u ild in g q lo g tool shed. I dumped the shavings in to the fir e p it, ond l i t a m atch. W onderful I A b rig h t y e llo w lig h t shed its p ro te c tiv e oor a over the w hole cam psite, w h ile I grabbed the Swedish band sow ond q u ic k ly c u t up a mound o f hefty logs, ond threw them onto the f ir e . For me, at th a t tim e, the o n ly sig n ific a n t d iffe re n c e between humans ond other anim als was th a t we could moke o f ir e . The a n c ie n t myth o f Prometheus passed through my m ind: the g ift o f fir e was 0 g ift from the gods. That n ig h t hod on uncanny, m ogical q u a lity to i t . The shriek o f o w ild on im a l, my fe o r, the dark o f the forest, and then the d iv in e f ir e . Com forted by the fir e , 1 was fin a lly able to fa ll asleep, and bod on uncanny dream.

N o , i t w asn't the fa m ilia r deer sounds that was to g iv e me one o f the greatest scores o f my life . The event hap pened one n ig h t in that lonely A u gust. A fte r I hod been asleep fo r o few hours, I wos suddenly awakened by two lo ud, p ie rc in g , b lo o d -c u rd lin g screams th a t sounded lik e they came from about twenty to th irty feet oway from the te n t. I sot up w ith o b o lt. I could feel every pore in my body ope n.

Tire sweat was pouring down my body in

li t t le streams, m aking my down sleeping b og s ticky ond w e t. My G o d , I thought, what is it ? I was o fra id it would smell that I was o fra id . I remembered a conversation I had hod o few days be fore w ith o neighbor who said beware i f you ever hear what sounds lik e a woman screaming, because it 's a mountain lio n . That's what it sounded lik e . The screams hod a c a t - lik e hue. I was scared shitless. Being fresh from the c it y , I had had almost no experience cam ping, and here I was alone in the m iddle o f the forest w ith nobody around for m iles. Was the animal sta lk in g me? I remembered the in c id e n t o f o few days before when I found c la w morks on the te n t, and I had h o rrifie d visions o f a m ountain lio n te a r in g its way in to the te n t, and having me for supper, I thought o f running to Schmutzig, our trusty V W bug , wbo was parked at the end o f the jeep tra il th a t borders on our la n d . But th a t was hundreds o f yards o w a y . The a n i mal m ight pounce on me before I got th e re . I turned on my fla s h lig h t, ond h u rrie d ly paged through Bradford A n gier's book How To Stay A liv e in the W oods. W hat a laughable sight I must hove been! G o d , I'm such an ocadem ic. A n yw ay, I found the section on w h a t-to -d o -w h e n -y o u -e n c o u n te r-a -b e a s t: Keep c o o l, ond ta lk to the o n im a l. Some h e lp l (A c tu a lly , e x p e ri enced people say that that's what you should do; anim als p ic k up very q u ic k ly on your v ib e s .) W e ll, I w asn't about to go out and say, "H e re , k it t y , k it t y " to o moun ta in lio n . Turning on the fla s h lig h t gave me an id e a . I remem bered that a ll animals o f the forest are te rrifie d o f f ir e . I h u rrie d ly put on pants ond shoes, ran out o f the tent armed w ith my trusty Redcross k n ife , and b u ilt the q u ic k est cam pfire I'v e ever mode in my lif e . F o rtu n a te ly , there was a huge p ile o f dry cedar bark neorby, le ft over

I dreamed that I was a young woman who was being held c a p tiv e by the p o lic e . The pigs were keeping me in some kin d o f cam p. They hod drugged me and were torm enting me by the sounds o f some w ild anim al they kept nea rby. Then the scene s h ifte d . I was a ve ry old man. I was in o w o od-paneled room that looked lik e o lib ra ry or study. Some kin d o f t r ia l wos in progress in the room next door in w h ic h a policem an was charged w ith something insidious 0 d o n 't remember w h a t). I was to be o witness for the prosecution against the co p . But just before I wos c a lle d on to te s tify , my f o lio , c o n ta in in g c a re fu lly documented e v idence against the p ig , wos missing. I knew the cops or th e ir agents hod stolen i f . I was in a quandry: Should I te s tify onyw ay, re ly in g on my m emory? As I was pondering the question, my eyes scanned the w a lls o f the room . There were inscriptions in gold on the w a lls , the way there some times are in p u b lic b u ild in g s . One o f them caug ht my eye: "L e t the word be spoken, ond the truth mode k n o w n ." I decided to te s tify , and entered the c o u rt room, ot w h ich p o in t I woke u p . This dream was very im portant for me because I knew it had to do w ith my a ttitu d e toward the land and how I w ould co n tin u e to re la te to i t . W hen Joy and I firs t le ft N e w Y o rk nea rly three years ago to go lond h u n t in g , I turned my bock on my life as a w o u ld -b e a ca dem ic and a c it y - d w e lle r . I gave away nearly a ll my books. Jay and I le ft the c it y to look fo r land in the country ond to beg in a re v o lu tio n a ry new life s ty le .

REAULY FEELING DIVINE

'j'b'- CAurtfUj

(vtAifU

*FD

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

SPUING E Q U I NO X

1975

IFO

9 mm

A r t h u r Evans, ra d ica l s c h o la r & d e v o te e o f th e G o d d e ss

But between tb * »im* we le ft N e w York ond tbe tim e w * fin o lly bought the Iond, I hod fa lle n bock in to the hab it of scholarly re a d in g , forced in to if by the drab and u n in v itin g to e ic l tcene o f S e attle, where w« were liv in g . In the process, I had come across a lo t o f pro v o c a tiv e m ate rial in history ond onthropology having to do w ith G ay p eo ple. M uch o f this s tu ff deals w ith the people c a lle d "w itc h e s " in the M id d le Ages. I was e x c ite d by these discoveries, but at the same tim e I was tom : on the one bond, I wanted to give up c ity a d d ic tions and liv e a sim ple communal rura l existence; on the other hand, I knew this m aterial about G ay people was p o te n tia lly explosive ond should be worked up in to o b oo k. I was also tom in another w a y: I d id n 't lik e the s e lf-c e n te re d , book-w orm ish part o f my p ersona lity, ond wonted to be lib e ra te d from th a t, de v o tin g more energy to c u ltiv a tin g personal relatio nship s; I thought if would be easier to do that in the c o u n try . The dream reminded me th a t a very deep part o f try personality was com m itted to study and research ond that I hod developed a strong h is to ric a l case against the pig society in w h ich a ll Gay people liv e . The te rrib le fear o f the anim al that n ight ond the dark loneliness o f the forest hod jo lte d me, a llo w in g deep feelings to come to the surface. In a w a y, I fe lt as i f I had been v is ite d by an anim al s p irit, and th a t the iond its e lf was te llin g me it was okay to keep and cherish the part o f my personal ity that loved study and required urban support. I re a liz e d that I wasn't faced w ith an e ith e r/o r s itu a tio n . Jay ond I could spend port o f eoch year liv in g in the co u n try , w o rking toward the goal o f rural s e lf-s u f fic ie n c y , ond port o f the year in the c it y , m eeting our urban needs. I no longer fe lt g u ilty over my urban needs. I d id n 't feel that satisfying them was some kind o f p o litic a l c o p -o u t. A few days o ffe r I was scared by the anim a l, I dis covered from o lo ca l resident that w ild cats do indeed prowl in the area o f N e w Sodom, but that they are harmless to humors*. In fa c t, the scream rnoy even hove come from nothing more te rrify in g than a s c re e c h -o w l. In retrospect, I feel o li t t le s illy about my melodram atic re o c tio n . Y e t, I also feel I learned something valuable that n ig h t both about myself ond the la nd.

One of the founders of the Gay Activists Alliance in NYC, Arthur Evans has lived most of this gay liberation era in the Haight in San Francisco. Like Carl Witman, Harry Hay and John Burnside, Arthur's visions, actions and writings led to the emer gence of the radical faeries. His Witchcraft and the Gay Counterculture is a seminal and major book of the modern queer movement. In granting us permmission to reprint his early adventure he wrote: I’m now 63 years old and working on an updated version of Witchcraft & the Gay Counterculture, with new title. Moon Lady Rising. Hope to have it out next year. It will be dedicated to the memory of Jacob Schraeter. with whom I shared the New Sodom experience. He died from AIDS in 1989. at age 39. My most recent hook was Critique o f Patriarchal Reason, which took the spirit of the Stonewall Era of gay liberation and applied it to some of the great philosophical questions, (ed note: see RED #97 for William Wilkerson’s review of this work.) If you’d like a recent, representative piece of writing of mine, below are two poems. I’ve written them in Latin (with English translation). They’re part of a new rosary I’ve created, the Cosmic Rosary, as an alternative to the traditional Catholic rosary. The Cosmic Rosary celebrates the natural wonders of the cosmos, with new hymns in place of the Aves and Paters, and a new physical design of the traditional rosary. I hope to have it available when Moon luidy Rising comes out. Eventually, I’d like to see it put to music, for choir and organ, in both Latin & English. Two hym ns fro m th e C o sm ic R o s a ry , in L a tin w ith E n g lish T ra n s la tio n : A d Lunam

To Moon D o m in a o rie n s , In a s tris excelsa,

Ladq rising,

R egina caeli p a c is y u e m ater,

Among, th e sta rs exalted,

T ra n s itu s tib i in a ltis a rg e n te u s s u p ra

Q u e e n o f heaven and m o th e r o f

P e c to ra n o b is h o c in m u n d o a p e rit in fra . G ra tia im ple n o s tu a sile n te .

peace, Y our silver tra n s it in th e he ig hts above O p e n s o u r h e a rts in th is w o rld below. Pill us w ith y o u r s ilent grace.

A d M ysterium T o M ystery Nos m ente surrexi Terram su p ra e t Lunam e t Solem,

We, risen in o u r minds

Et- o rb e s omnes e t de os,

A b o ve E a rth and M o o n an d Sun,

Nunc, intuem ur c ry s ta llin o in luce a p e rto ,

A b o ve all th e w o rld s an d g o d s,

Inscientes e t tace ntes,

Now b e h o ld , in cle ar c ry s ta l light,

Te solum,

Unknow ing, and in silence,

M qsterium sublime.

You alone, M y s te ry sublime.

pansy (pan zS) n . , p i. -sies (F r. pensee, a thought f r . penser, to thin k) 1. a small garden p la n t (V io la tric o lo r) of the v io le t fa m ily , w ith f la t, broad, v e lv e ty petals in many colors. 2 . (Slang) an effem inate man; esp. a male homosexual.

RED Winter 2005-06 (#124)

N ow you have a pack o f your very own pansies seeds. Love your plants. Care for them . A fte r a ll they are the flowers o f faggots. They are a lo t tougher than most people re a liz e , (Ha! W ill they re a liz e it before it's too late ?). A n yw a y, you should start your pansies as soon as you get them, the last o f M a rch ? Use po tting soil compossed o f 1 part each o f s o il, sand, le a f mold or peat moss.

IRFDB

Carl

W i t t m a n

SHIT

Whaddava do with the shit? Among the prob lems that arose in building a new house, that one most interested and perplexed me. Mostly because those competent smug straight people who write all there is to know about building don't have much to sat’ about it, and what they do say is so constricted, so tied up with a straight view of the world. Aha', said I, this is one problem that us faggots might be better equipped to solve than anybody else. And once 1 started thinking that way, all sorts of things revealed themselves. Years ago when I lived in San Francisco, an intercommunal magazine/newsletter called Cauliflower ran a series of articles on "AssHole Consciousness." Those articles helped me understand what I already knew sexually, that my asshole was my friend to become better acquainted with; a source of enjoyment and a part of my body which told me a great deal. Since then I shrink when people use "asshole" and "shit" as epithets; and conversely, the one epithet which doesn't seem sexist or sex-nega tive is "tight-ass". There is an extraordinary power in words — if "asshole" is continually used to mean an ignorant, dumb or reactionary person, then I believe we will not let go of our ignorance of our assholes, our aversion to speaking about them (dumbness), or our reac tionary association with them.' When I have said this to friends who use the term , they of ten say, "it’s just a word, don’t be so touchy. " Women, however, often stop using it when they think about their (near-analogous) discomfort with using "cunt" as a put-down. The negative associations with "shit" are greater than just its position as #1 "curse" word in our culture's language. Right from the beginning, toilet training introduces the idea of shit being an alien substance, to be in corporated into one brief unconscious spasm and flushed away quickly. In contrast, I've heard anecdotes about China, where a museum custodian good-naturedly wipes up after a tod dler shits on the floor. Parents quickly pass on their polite euphe misms for the place to shit: the bathroom, the

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

water closet, the outhouse, the toilet----evade at all cost. With all the tensions implicit in this, it is no wonder that constipation, hem orrhoids, colonic cancer and inflamed pros tates loom big in the medical Industry; and all the while we get silent flushers so we won't be heard, scented colored toilet paper and colored toilet water to further remind us to forget what is happening. If there is nothing else revolutionary about male homosexuality, at the least it leads us out of this morass of tension about our assholes. Indeed, it is remarkable that anal intercourse and rimming ever become acts of love. But it is through those acts of love that lam in touch with the muscles and organs around my ass hole. This now seems quite central to my con sciousness as a faggot: enjoying that part of my body, not feeling so alienated or disgusted by the shit which passes through it; and having those sphincters relaxed so that I’m open to radically different solutions to our problem. And now, after years of living in the coun try and using an outhouse or shitting under a fruit tree or peeing in a gallon plastic milk jug, away from the restrictions of the city and sani tation authorities, I feel better equipped to think through the problem. Well, what do you do with the shit? And for that m atter, pee? The health authorities, the corporations, straight consciousness. ..a ll would have us believe that the problem is how to get rid of it as quickly and unconsciously as possible. The quintessential American symbol, 1 propose, is the flush toilet: in the name of civilization, to disrupt the return of nutrients to the soil, to waste enormous quantities at great expense in doing so, and as part of the package deal, alienate ourselves from our bod ies as well. What genius'. And what contrast to the Chinese, who often have a shitter in the front yard, with a sign saying, "Please, do us the favor of shitting h e re." Our neighbors, who recently bought a newmobile home (for twice the cost of the custombuilt house we built), and in order to accom modate the new toilet in the trailer went to the

C a rl W ittm a n , an Rf D R o u n d e r, D a n c e r & D re a m e r

eunsirkrable ($2,000) cxprotw of putting in ■ septic tank and drainage UeUl: and now, they Hush down 20 gal 1one at water numerom time* a day--water, which in aurnmertlme ia denpar*teiy scarce, and which in winter is so present that the drainage system needs to be hundreds of leet long in order not to saturate the front lawn with "effluent" or pollute the well. A !awahtding, expensive, straight, and most of all, an unconscious solution. Knowing what we don't want, what do we want? Chi the positive side, to find some way to return the nutrients to the soil is a prime con sideration. This is particularly true where we are growing food, for it will return to that very soil much of what was taken out, and we can begin to live not as a parasite on the earth but as a part of the whole. And since living as an up-front faggot tn this culture seems almost to guarantee a shortage of money, the shit not on ly t* more organic, but makes a lot more sense than making Dow Chemical richer at our ex pense. Various ideas exist about making methane from decomposing waste matter, including shit. This sounds appealing In a theoretical way, par ticularly when our natural gas prices in Oregon are going up 40% this month, but so far the technology of it seems to tie reserved for the Mr. Clevers. Maybe next year. Another thing I look for in a shitter Is that the shit not disappear from view instantly. Those who are horrified that all that smelly stuff actually comes out of them may like a gush

of water swooshing it away in no time, but on oc< as ton I want to be able to look at my shit, it is one of the Indicators of how the gastro-in testinal tract is working, and even if you are not skilled in shit analysis, you can see obvi ous thing*. Like the sesame seeds that pass right through because they weren’t ground up or chewed sufficiently. Or that there is a lot of undigested food (am I gulping my food down, eating too much?) And if there are any rectal ailments--venereal disease, hemorrhoid abrasions--or even problems further up the tract, like colonic or stomach ulcers—you can often see warnings. And another valuable trait In a shit-dispo sal system is to avoid spreading communicable diseases. Sure, the Health Department is up tight, but any commune or family that ha6 had any diseases which spread through shit knows that it's an important consideration. There are over a half-dozen possible solu tions to the shit problem; how do they rate tn these term s? And are they practical--legally and financially? The country outhouse is what we've been using for years at our place; and while it's easy once the hole is dug, it has some serious liabilities: you don’t get the benefit as fertili zer (although when you finally move the shitter and plant a cherry tree there, watch out!). And, incidentally, you can't get a chance to ex amine your shit when you want to. But it’s cheap, and tn most rural places is legal. The World Health Organization has done a

C a rl W ittm a n : a T r ib u t e Recently 1 reread for the um pteenth time C arl's stirring A Cay Manifesto as it appears in Jay & Y oung's T he Voices of Gay Liberation (Douglas Book, 1972) and recall how it circulated across the country as a m im eographed b ro a d sid e in the early 1970s from one gay lib group to another. We duplicated it, sent it on to friends and passed it out at our university speaking engagem ents. Here was a vision, a chal lenge, our goals, our dream s. Carl articu lated them w ith passion and intelligence. Three decades later, despite all the gains of the hum an liberation m ovem ents, so m any m ore struggles he m apped out for us remain to be addressed. i

Like so m any of our generation, Carl died young, w ith his long-tim e com panion, Allan Troxler, by his side; and not before living his dream s as an outfront gay m an going back to the land and cocreating RFD, so that other fags could find ourselves and share our rural experiences. W herever he lived (in N orth Carolina and Oregon mostly) and travelled, he taught us to country dance. He show ed us how to be joyful w ith one another. So m any of these early issues of RFD reflect Carl and A llan's attentions and insights. In issue #1 he w rote Coming Home, the ups and dow ns of rural collec tive living; #2 Orchard, reviving an old farm orchard in S outhern O regon: It9 Letters from the Forest, their struggle to save land from bureau cratic exploitation. Always he w rites w ith immediacy, com passion and courage. We are grateful to continue his legacy in these pages. for the Collective, Sr. Soami

R / P Winter 2005 06

124)

F a ij g e 1 e

ben M iriam

RFD

#11

Even though I have enjoyed some of the how-to things in RFD a lr e a d y , I don't p a r t i c u l a r l y see i t as an informational jou rn al and would probably be j u s t as i n c li n e d to read know-how s t u f f in Country Women. 1 c e r t a i n l y don’ t have much e x p e n s e to pass on, even a f t e r a two-year auto motive mechanics program and 3 y ea rs of l i v i n g in the country. 1 guess l*m another of those un mechanical types. Although I now know I have the a b i l i t y , the i n t e r e s t i s often so low that un le s s i t becomes c r i t i c a l to work on something ( c a r s , water pumps, you name i t ) . I ’ l l avoid the is s u e . I well remember my f i r s t week in the country— the f i r s t chore was hooking up the cookstove to the chimney; e a s i l y enough done, but an e n t i r e l y new e xp eri en ce. Then on to the pump— i t needed replacement p a r t s , so we toted water u n t il Sears secured the necessary p a r t s . We then re-assembled the p a r t s , t ry in g to foll ow the te ch n ic al i n s t r u c t i o n s enclosed with those p a r t s . We s t i l l could not get the pump to work and assumed i t was f a u l t y priming on our p a r t , or e ls e t ha t the well had gone dry. How embarrassed we were when a f r i e n d , having grown up in the coun t r y and used to a well r a t h e r than simply a tap hooked up to a c i t y system, dropped a rock down the well and l is t e n e d for the spl as h that told us there was indeed water down there! Major p r o je c t s #3 and #4 in cl u di n g r e h a b i l i t a t i n g and extending the outmoded plumbing and e l e c t r i c a l systems. 1 was e le c te d simply because nobody e l s e would go cra w lin g under the house — I wasn’ t p a r t i c u l a r l y enchanted with the id ea , myself. Plumbing with p l a s t i c pipe was an en t i r e l y new exp e rie n ce , and s u p r i s i n g l y easy— i t ’ s qu ite a f e e li n g when water comes gushing out of a n e w ly - in s t a ll e d fa uc e t! E l e c t r i c a l work, when I was growing up, was always done by one of my younger brothers (the "mechanical" one) and my f a t h e r . I ’ d never been r e a l l y in t e r e s t e d in le a rn in g and never had to. Now, however, I had a vested i n t e r e s t in doing i t , as we’ d in he ri te d a very old-f as hion ed and q u it e inadequate (not to mention unsafe) jumble of w ir es and myriad un labe led fuse boxes and s w i tc h e s , with some c i r c u i t s co n tr o ll ed by two fuses and others that by- . passed the fuse box e n t i r e l y . T r i a l and e r r o r , c on sul ti ng books and f r i e n d s , an oc casional shock— the system now works! My next major p r o je c t i s to le a rn and then bu ild my own home— lucky f o r me tha t old RFO’ s have some encouraging a r t i c l e s , and th a t I l i v e with and near fr ie n d s who’ ve a lre a dy b u i l t them s e lv e s homes! And so i t con tinu es— each new p r o je c t means le arn in g something new; i t a ls o means simply t ry in g to use b a s ic reasoning powers and a ls o t r y in g to overcome e a r l i e r s e lf - p e r c e p t io n s that s ai d 1 c ou ld n 't handle te ch n ic a l ch ores. L e t ’ s la y to r e s t r i g h t now the f a l l a c y tha t t h e r e 's a d i r e c t t i e - i n between faggotry and a b i l i t y to do t e ch n ic al t h in g s . One of my f r i e n d s , femme as can be, as a young teenager t i n k ered with ca r s and then switched from c o v e r a l l s to dre ss es to f l i t around h is small Nebraska town. L a t e r , in S e a t t l e , he amazed our e n t i r e faggot c o l l e c t i v e by being the only one of us who could and would work on c a r s . . . I ’m temporarily l i v i n g in a s t r a i g h t country environment, and meet plen ty of het men who a l s o are somewhat a f r a i d of le arning new te chnical s k i l l s . A major d i f f e r e n c e , though, seems to be that those het men cannot f r e e l y admit t h e i r lack of knowledge because i t impugns t h e i r own masculine image. As one old and dear les bia n f r ie nd puts i t : " a r t , not f o r c e ." Take time to reason something out, and don't assume brute force can get the job done— i f , indeed, brute for ce can be used to accomplish the t as k, t h e r e 's a ls o a p h y s i c a l l y e a s i e r way. There are books aple nty f o r the novice, in cluding some that are s p e c i f i c a l l y t i t l e d for women ( a l b e i t often w ri tt e n by men) tha t assume no knowledge about a s u b je c t , as well as e x c e l le n t courses offered a t community co ll e g e s and high school ad ult education c l a s s e s . Often, neighbors are e x c e l l e n t source of hel p , e s p e c i a l l y when they lea rn you are s e ri ou s about le a r n ing and doing; they are more than w i l l i n g to hel p, e s p e c i a l l y i f you o f f e r to trade labor with them. Th ere 's always o f f e r in g to be a "gopher" fo r someone e l s e involved in a p r o j e c t — a sor t of ap pr en tic es hi p program. There are s p e c i f i c advantages in working with other faggots or in an otherwise n on -a li e n a t ing environment. I remember, w hi le st r u g g li n g (both s p i r i t u a l l y and me ch anic ally) thru my auto mechanics co u rse , working on a c ar m uf fle r at home with an i t i n e r a n t faggot. At one point I was in a very uncomfortable p o s it io n under the c a r , and he quite n a t u r a l l y extended h is hand as a support for my head, not only saving me from a neck cramp, but making the work-experience into an extension of camaraderie. The community work-days in Wolf Creek a ls o serve these same func tions. ' Would-be b u i l d e r of the world, u n i t e ; you have nothing to lose but your ignorance!

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

In P r a is e o f PaLjgele b e n M i r i a m Another early RFD pioneer was Faygele. While he styled himself a 'burnt-out gay activist' in issue #2, Elwah, most of his friends would honor him as an involved pinko queer to the end. He died in Seattle in 2000, sur rounded by friends and family. His parting words to us were, Don't Mourn. Organize! We celebrate him for the indefatigable cultural worker that he was, and praise him for the pastries and cheese cakes he baked for so many of our get-to-gethers. With Issue #17, he moved RFD from Wolf Creek,OR to Efland,NC. He solicited Allan's artistic acumen, which seem to flower fully with #20's beauti ful blue cover of a hand reaching for the new moon thru pussy willows and the poster-size centerpiece of Country Lovers reading RFD. #103 (summer, 2000) contains a stirring obituary.

Yo u ng ,

A l l e n

Honor i ng A

T h

Ou r I I d or f t n

Link

Edge

Some aspects o f RFD's early development have proven remarkably consistent w ith the challenges faced by this magazine in recent years. D uring the first few years o f R FD ’s publication, each issue was put together by a different collectives o f rural gay men. Those early edi tors also lamented the shortage o f articles and artw ork submitted by their readers. The financial survival o f the publication seemed pre carious. And there was evidence o f an uneasy balance between urban and rural contributors and readers o f this queer country jo urn al . A llen Young wrote fo r the first issue o f RFD and was one o f the residents o f Buttcrw orth Farm, who produced the bulk o f the articles fo r the Spring 1976 Issue #7 o f RFD. In that issue, the first article, “ Gardening w ith the Fairies” (predating the first S piritual Gathering o f Radical Faeries by three years) described gardening techniques in use at the farm , including companion planting, moon-sign gardening, and an approach based on the plant-spirit ideas in use at the Findhom Foundation in Scotland. “ As the Butter Churns" was a 9-page transcription o f a round-table discussion among the residents o f B utterw orth Farm reflecting on the com m une’s first three years. From its Introductory Note:

Allen Young, 1992

Robert Giard

importance in their lives than whether one was coupled or single among the singles, find in g partners fo r sex and intim acy in their rural setting posed a challenge to gay and straight alike. \

Butterworth h arm is lot tiled on 94 acres of m ostly w ooded land in C entral N ew England. The land was purchased by fiv e gay men ... in the spring of 1973. Since that time, the population o f the fa rm has grown to include nine perm anent residents [including a bisexual woman and a heterosexual man and w om an].... When the land was p u rchased it was all woods, two sleeping shelters and one duck coop. The buildings were constructed with ecological principles in m ind.... We fdon 7 have electricity, / use wood to heat our houses and hope to becom e even further involved in the use o f alternative energy sources f including wind and/or solar p o w er/.... Although the land has been ow ned cooperatively (by a corporation), we have recently agreed on a plan to divide the land into six parcels one large parcel o f com m unal land which will continue to be ow ned cooperatively, and five 10-acres parcels to be deeded to each o f the original ow ners ..... The main f inancial base o f the group has been our own labor, fo c u se d in a sm all map publishing business which we own and operate coop eratively. Som e o f the residents ... have earned m oney through part time em ploym ent Our goal is self-sufficiency with an eye toward needing less m oney.... |Issue #7, page 10) The residents' discussion described the evolution o f the com m unity over its first three years as the residents moved from liv in g under one roo f to bu ild in g separate homes, as w ell as the am bivalent feelings engendered by that change, w hich brought not only greater privacy, autonomy, and re lie f from interpersonal con flicts but also provoked some feelings o f loss (described especially by A lle n ) as a result o f the change in the residents’ approaches to liv in g in com m unity. ftie discussion also touched on issues o f sexuality: the group dis cussed how being gay, bisexual, or straight seemed to be o f less

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

A fte r a b rie f digression w h ile the residents compared notes about how they maintained their various compost piles during the winter, the group closed by reflecting on the im plications o f using power tools (fueled by a generator) versus using manual tools to cut wood and build structures. The article ended w ith this reflection by a resident (Bobby):

A s fa r as woodworking, and building the house itself, I want to do it all with ju s t m y own power, because th e re ’s such a fe e lin g about being in a house and [seeing] that everything here cam e from the energy that passed through yo u r body, and not through machines. It was through your body and the use o f hand tools to do it, and the house is heated in the sam e way. The rhythm and the beauty o f that feelin g ju s t really gets me off. [Issue #7, page 18] In “ Sally Sunshine Speaks” , a bisexual woman resident named Katy reflected on her role in a com m unity o f m ostly gay men, the lack o f sexism she experienced among the residents, and the sexism she encountered both among gay male visitors as w ell as when she left the farm to pursue construction jo b s in Washington DC.

“ Recipe fo r a

Small Cabin” , a page on “ Graham Crackers” , “ Early D um p” (a deco rating essay by A lle n Young), and poetry and art rounded out the con tributions from B utterw orth Farm. One o f the five gay men who o rig in a lly purchased Butterw orth Farm, A lle n Young was bom in New York in 1941, where he grew up “ su r

rounded by adults who were either m em bers o r sym pathizers o f the Com m unist Party. ” A fte r graduating from C olum bia U niversity in 1962, he received master's degrees in Latin Am erican studies from Stanford and jo urn alism from Colum bia. A member o f Students fo r a Democratic Society (SDS), he reported fo r the Washington Post, New York Times, and the Liberation News Service during three years in w hich he traveled extensively in Cuba and Latin Am erica. In addition continued on p 27

B a c k I s s u e s O r d e r Porm H e lp us cle a n o u t th e b a rn . In d u lg e tjo u r c u rio s itij. Take a w a lk d o w n m e m o ry lane.

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RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

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These are the hack, issues c u rre n tly in s to c k . M o s t are a vailable f o r 55 each, p lu s p o s ta g e . Care issues are p ric e d h ig he r. S u p p ly is lim ited. C h e c k th e o nes t jo u w a n t & a d d th e p ric e s lis t Hsted. RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

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RhI) Winter 2005 06 (#124)

Address________________________________________ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _ _

phone______________________email___________________________________ RFD POB 68, LIBERTY, TN 37095 615.536.5176 www.rfdmag.org

J iS j (continued from p 22)

A lle n Y o u n g , a u th o r , co m m u n a rd , g a y lib e r a tio n is t to w ritin g for the gay press,

gender nonconform ity o f many G L B T Q people. Young told me, ‘7

he has published four b o o k ' w ritten or edited w ith Karla Jay (whom he met at Gay Liberation Front meetings): Out of the Closet: Voices

still fe e l very stn m g ly that i f you want to understand prejudice against gay people, you have to understand sexism. A n d the idea that we should conform to specific gender behaviors is, in my view, a wrong idea tluil is basically part o f a patriarchal system. "

Gay Liberation (1972. 1997), After You're Out (1977). The Ga> Report (1979). and Lavender Culture (1994), as w e ll as Gays l/nder the Cuban Revolution (1981).

B utterw orth Farm has never identified itse lf specifically as a gay com m unity, and - just as in 1975 one o f the houses there is current

1 recently phoned A llen Young to find out how his views on country liv in g and gay liberation have changed over the last three decades.

ly inhabited by a straight couple. S till. Young savs that the gay resi dents' involvem ent in the local com m unity for example, at the local

Young started our conversation by pointing out that B utterw orth Farm - like the rest o f the gay com m unity in the last thirty years - was dev

food co-op and in com m unity theater — “ really educated a lot o f peo ple in the area'' Young him self worked fo r ten years as a reporter and

astated by the A ID S epidem ic. W ith the deaths in the 1990s o f the

editor at a local new spaper before w orking for another 10 years as the C om m unity Relations D irector fo r a local hospital. He has also

other four original owners o f Butterw orth Farm - Bob Gravlev, Steve M cCarty, Carl M ille r, and A rth u r Platt (as well as A rth u r’s partner. John B urton), Young remains the sole survivor from the original group.

served on the board o f a local non-profit land trust that works to pre serve undeveloped land. Today, his com m unity involvem ent includes w o rkin g to elect a state representative who supports gay marriage, w hich - although legal in Massachusetts since 2004 is currently

On a happier note, in 1979 Young met his partner o f the last 26 years, David, who does not live w ith him . Running through a list o f possi ble labels fo r their relationship. Young conclude " / j u s t ca ll him m y

threatened by a proposed amendment to the state constitution. A lthough Young believes that marriage is a c iv il right and benefit that should be av ailable to all people, he also believes that “ marriage is not the answer fo r all relationships’’ and that the status o f marriage should

boyfriend. ” A ccording to Young, pragmatism proved to be the deciding factor in

not be privileged above being single or being “ involved in more com plex relationships.” He believes that more im portant than pursuing marriage rights is the need to overcome prejudice, to enact anti-dis crim ination laws, and to w ork against the resurgence o f anti-sodomy

the evolution o f life at Butterw orth Farm. The group's o rigin al vision o f a commune w'ith shared liv in g space, meals, gardens, finances, and responsibilities had already begun to shift by the tim e o f the RFD a rti cle in 1975. In addition to the change tow'ard more independent households, the residents eventually determined that other o f their original ideals were im practical. Instead o f w orking toward self-suf ficiency. they earned their liv in g through w ritin g , real estate, textile design, construction, and other outside em ployment. Instead o f pur

laws as the Supreme Court potentially turns rightw ard. In a recent article in the Advocate, he wrote about his experience o f being gay and childless in the hope o f validating the choice to be childless w ith in a gay culture that he believes has come to place excessive empha sis on rearing children.

suing alternative energy sources, their property became part o f the electrical grid. A lthough Young heats his home w ith wood, he pur chases the w'ood rather than harvesting it from the fa rm ’s land.

savings. "M y lifestyle in the 60s and 70s taught me how to be frugal.

Today, Young says that the current residents o f Butterw'orth Farm

I don't need a lot o f things. I'm not a big consumer. I live a fa irly sim ple lifestyle, but i t ’s com fortable. ” He still works a large

retain "a sense o f belonging to a community. But Butterw orth Farm

garden, including vegetables and flow ers, in w hich he was com ing to

is certainly not a com m une in the sense that we envisioned it in 1973. There is no com m unal fu n d , no com m unal meals, no com m unal g a r den. There is sim ply kind o f a com m unity spirit. But everybody real ly has their own lives. We get together on a som ew hat regular basis. There willjbe Thanksgiving D inner at one o f the houses, and there will be 17 people, including the residents o f the farm . ” Echoing the sen timents o f many baby boomers, Young says *7 think we have a lot o f the sam e values that we had in the early 70s, but l think w e ’ve also m ade a great deal o f accom m odation to living in the real world. ”

end o f his harvest when w'e talked, having recently harvested his leeks. He enjoys hiking in nature and is proud to have recently pub lished a local guidebook titled North o f Quabbin Revisited. He also benefits from a professional massage every other week.

A t the age o f 64, Young is now retired w ith a modest income from his

D uring our talk. Young emphasized that his “prim ary draw to / living in] the country is the love o f the natural world - sharing the earth with other living th in g s’’. He concluded our conversation by pointing out that — whereas city-dw ellers can better preserve their isolation and anonym ity by choosing to interact p rim a rily w ith other like mind ed people — " if you want to survive in a rural com m unity with a ver y

When he was younger, Young identified h im se lf as a radical, but he allow s that many o f his views have moderated, m ellow ed, and

sm all population, you have to really work at getting along with peo pie who don Vnecessarily see eye-to-eye with you. " 1 had never before

expanded. " I f y o u ’re a person with social consciousness, / think you

can be m uch more effective i f you advocate fo r social change than revolution. ” He now believes social changes happen much more

heard anyone articulate this particular distinction between urban and

gradually than he did during his student-revolutionary days.

cut rewards o f rural life enjoying da ily contact w ith nature, clean air. clean water, and quiet - our talk demonstrated to me that the chal

Young still ascribes to the values o f the early gay liberation

lenges o f rural life o ffe r fu lly another set o f rewards, reaped gradual ly over time.

rural life , w hich gave me !o<xl fo r thought.

movement, w hich promoted “ consciousness-raising about sexism w'ith the goal o f sexual liberation fo r a ll’’. He welcomes many o f the

Link Edge is a regular contributor to RFD who recently evacuated from New Orleans and has returned to the faerie life of the mountains of middle Tennessee. He can be reached at lin ke d g e @ b e lls o u th .n e t.

trends in the G L B T Q com m unity and feels accepting o f the diversity o f the gay movement today. One opinion that has not changed fo r him is his b e lie f that anti-gay prejudice is rooted in sexist reactions to the

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

In addition to the clear-

|RFD

Q u e e r

C o m m u n i t y

C o u n t r

S u p p o r t e d in

„

R u r a l .

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A g r i c u l t u r e

( C S A )

T e n n e s s e . .

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J o r d a n

MorninWood Farm operates under the CSA philosophy of farming. CSA stands for Community Supported Agriculture and has roots in Japan. CSA allows the consumer to become a shareholder in the frowing process and to see exactly where her or his food is coming from. This is a rad ical approach to farming that gives the consumers an active role with their food.

Animals that can be pasture finished are done so, such as broilers and conies (chickens and rabbits). Others, such as turkeys and hogs, are raised in large areas with indoor access. Our laying flock of chickens have a little of both, spending half of their day laying and the other half scratch ing in green pas ture. We follow all general guidelines of animal husbandry, such as diet, space requirem ents, cleanliness, and health preventatives. However, we do not feel it necessary to over-medicate or mistreat our animals by using dangerous chemicals.

A key element of CSA farms is how they are operated. Everything from the finances to the food is divided equally. Whether the farm has a large bounty or a loss, it is spread amongst its members. By eliminating the retail aspect, a CSA can make quality food available at a cheaper price.

Each share of MorninWood should be thought of as an “option.” Shareholders have the option to take advantage of what is being offered. There are certain limits to what a shareholder can take, but it is entirely up to him or her.

MorninWood Farm is a progressive look at agriculture. Our main intention is to provide quality food while running a viable farm. We do this while respecting each and every life we care for. Our farm is an open and honest learning environment. We encourage members to have an active role with food. From time to time we hold potlucks, harvest dinners, and work shops for our members. We keep animal husbandry simple. Our feed is a mixture of all natural grains, containing no animal byproducts, antibi otics, or preservatives. Our animals that would naturally graze, such as the cow and goats, are allowed to do so. We never use any type of chemicals on our fields or hillside.

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

To learn more about our CSA here in central Tennessee, feel free to contact us. MorninWood Farm, 10?1 Parcbcom Hollow, W oodbury, TN 5/l?0. Jordan @(£l5)5^5~FAR.M jrd5n@mtsu.edu

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R andy: We appreciate the opportunity to bring our readers an update on how Dave and 1 have been growing older and (ahem!) w iser here on our little spot on the plan et. The RFD Journal is still very much a part o f our lives, as w e read o f familiar items or learn o f som ething fairly new (like those Euro-fairies!). O ur goal seems to be the same as w hen w e first got together: to be a part o f com munity, Gay and straight, while achieving our ow n selfsufficiency on the land. So far, so good! Dave: W hen looking at the call for con tributions to this issue, 1 was am used by the guy from Ohio in the sum m er o f ‘79 who wanted to read about those “butch guys pushing plows or chasing cow's or the young stud fanners.” T hat’s the question we have always been asking ourselves as we look around our neighborhood! W here are these gay (butch or otherw ise!) guys and why don’t they live next door to me? W hen we did our first article. Spring 1981, Issue #27, “Two men, the wilderness & Star Route Mammocks," we might have been considered young stud farmers because we were ju st past 30, finally getting som ething together, and having a great time doing it. All the fresh air, sex, and organic homegrown fruits and vegetables we could con sume were all in a day’s work or play. In trying to live in the here and now, I can now see that these are “the good old days” also.

Randi) finds Dave February 1.15*50, "am, in bed a t tbe D+R Randij; “OhM qGod! You are so bot! Dave: “WOW! T hat makes nine orgasm s each in tbe last 24 h o u rs !"

February 1. 200A Jam, in f>ed a t tbe D+R Randij: “Honeq. did we have .sex last niefit?" Dave: “Hmmm, I can't rem em ber..." Ah, w hat a difference sonic 26 years together can make on a couple! Randy Krahn and Dave Vegliano (now in their m id-fifties) have been partners, lovers, and just plain good buddies on their hom estead in Northern California, even before that m em orable morning way back in 1980. And while the dialogue (and recalling recent events) has changed a bit since then, there is still the origi nal strong, now- unbreakable, bond between the two men. Randy originally met Dave through a contact letter Dave had written in the Spring ‘79 Issue #19 o f RFD (see below'). From R andy’s hom e in Southern Oregon. Dave was a 6-hour drive away, and thus, in R andy’s thought, “qualified” to be a potential boyfriend. The rest is history. “Our goal from the beginning was to create a w el coming and com fortable place to be for our friends and visitors to the D+R. RFD was to play a constant role in the pursuit o f that goal. O f course, a congenial redwood hot tub overlooking the expansive view o f Larabee Valley and Buck M ountain, has been a help as w ell!” RFD #123, Fall 2005. announced the them e for this winter issue to be “queer country living then and now.” The call posed some thoughtful questions. It asked us how country living has changed for us during those 26 years. It is certainly a different lifestyle with many challenges and delights. We thought about such m ajor concerns as keeping in touch with our community, or what we wish we had known before we made the move to the hdmestead. Our friend Kwai, coordinating for the W inter Issue, saw the value o f looking back on our long term relationship, sharing with our readers a few' things about just how it is done, on the 45 w'ooded acres called the D+R.

H o w has c o u n trrj livin g ch a n g e d f o r u o u in th e la s t

16 ije a rs

o f b e in g o n th e la n d?

Dave: Before arriving at this place, I was som eone who moved around quite a bit. Now I am am azed how I have lived long enough in one place to see the trees grow! I Dear R eader: think we both would agree that things have gotten a little easi In my dream o f r e t u r n i n g t o a s i m p l e r l i f e s t y l e , I have come t o a p o i n t w here I can no l o n g e r run a ranch by m y s e l f . I am i n my l a t e 2 0 ' s and I s e e k er, now that we have “retired” . an h o n e s t , c o u n t r y - o r i e n t e d human b e i n g and d e s i r e t h i s p e r s o n t o be more Every day can still be an than j u s t a c a r e t a k e r . I h a v e a rem o te m oun tain home and n e e d someone to s h a r e th e good and bad o f i t a l l . I w i l l c o r r e s p o n d w i t h a n y o n e , s o do n o t adventure. 1 am always learn h e s it a t e to w r ite . ing, and I have a great teacher in Randy. We still have to pro Dave P . 0 . Box 3089 vide for the basics such as food Eureka, C a l i f o r n i a 95501 and shelter. And o f course, the

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

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projects are still more than we can com plete in a lifetime. It’s still quite a hike out to the overlook (nice view) to use the elegant flush toilet outhouse when there’s 3 or 4 feet o f snow on the ground I’m still waiting for a real inhouse toilet. The rhythm o f the country is still the same. We try to get things done during the good w'eather, so we can take it easier during the bad weather. Last Christm as we got caught off-guard. We were snowed in for over 15 days and had to dig a trail to haul firewood into the house. In w inter o f ‘88/’89 we were snowed in for 63 days, and actually enjoyed it. We were prepared and com fortable. We try to grow our own food, but it can be a battle with pesky birds, patrolling bears, gophers, and finally the deer that just love to eat alm ost everything. We have gone from running a home business in the early 80’s, using kerosene lamps, a manual typewriter, and having no tele phone, to being retired w'herc we seem busier than ever. Now we have an answ ering m achine to take our m essages and the pow er o f Internet access. It’s like going from the Wright Brothers to the first moon landing. We still need a 4-wheel drive vehicle to haul mulch in the sum m er and firewood in the winter. What I would really like now is a solar-powered g o lf cart to scoot up and down our road in the summer. Randy: The perspective given to me by having 26 years o f living here is immense. I have been able to grow from those energetic learning years o f my youth (I was not yet 30 when I moved here) to the com fortably quieter days o f my current years. Mind you, these days today are no way less busy than those early years. In fact it seems as if the days are doubly full, com pared with “back then”. But m oving a little slower, and taking in more parties and potlucks with old friends has its advantages. I rem em ber that one picture o f Dave and me in the strawberry patch. The garden was in its prim e during the pre-gopher m id-eighties. We were certainly having quite a lot o f fun and m aking sure the strawberries were growing as well. We probably could have done that this sum m er too, except the deer ate the berries. We’re not gardening as much these days, but finishing the garden fence is still on the list o f chores. What has changed a lot is how we divide up our days the various activities we arc involved with. In the early years we spent a huge am ount o f time in the garden and the woods as energetic explorers in this new' land. As our times evolved, as we becam e more extended into the com munity, we spent less time at home. 1 was expanding the fence building business and Dave was working more in Eureka to pay for the new truck or running the mail route for 14 hours a day. But our experiences were expanding as well: we were m atur ing, along with our community. RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

As soon as an empty spot com es up in our lives, in rushes som ething new to fill it. Both o f us have been very flexibly em ployed over the years, with schedules we fitted to our needs. Thus we have been able to bring much diver sity to the D+R. Many o f our activities today are quite dif ferent from ten or twenty years ago. Now', we have those many years o f shared times with friends, and we are building on those mutual experiences by trying new adventures together. w h a t a re som e o f th e ch a ll e n g e s o f tjo u r ru ra l living? Dave: We live in a close-knit, though w ide spread com m unity with very caring and support ive straight friends as neighbors. O f course, our R E D #!<?, w h e re D a v e ’s ad neighborhood is about 20 a p p e a re d . miles wide. Other than the one couple with whom we share a property line, there is nobody on our road for a few miles in any direction. But it is further yet w'hen we want to visit with our closest gay friends. It’s over an hour’s drive to town (Eureka, CA), and over 2 ? hours to see the guys in Honeydew. Coping with the scarcity o f gay culture (or gay anything) is definitely one o f the challenges o f living rurally. W hile it is a long way to the nearest gay person, we are fortunate to have friends visit throughout the year. A nother big challenge for us country folks can be liv ing with another person. Sometim es it can be a test o f will. I, personally, have had to learn how to com prom ise. That can be tough for two strong male personalities. But it usually works out for the better. Two heads are better than one. We used to be very outgoing in greeting new neigh bors. Now 1 notice we wait and see if they can survive here a while being isolated and enduring a bad winter without splitting up or running back to w'herever they cam e from. We learned all about so-called cabin fever, and learned how to get through it, together. Our “no slam m ing the door” rule m ade us stick together and work things out. 1 am proud to claim that it is nearly im possible, in our 26th year, to go to bed angry. Randy: I would agree that living w;ith a partner

24 T 26 years could be a challenge! Maybe our next book could list all that we have been through in learning how to be good partners. Homestead living, where so much is dependent on self-sufficiency and so many dem ands on our time, is nearly impossible if partners can't cooperate, so we had to really try at making the relationship work. 1 found that 1 really did need som eone to pick up the other end o f the board. And 1 found that som eone could be a true friend and lover as well. After all these years, another challenge becomes more evident: keeping current with the times and with our physical needs. As we grow older, with expanded social experiences and physical m aturi ty, we need to sit back and realize what is happening to us. Really, it is difficult these days to admit that we are in our mid-fifties! How did that happen so fast?! We tend to use our bodies as if we were still 40. and that tends to hurt at the end o f the day. Time has finally com e to hire the kids to do all that hard work. Just like our peers around us, we find ourselves talking about how it was “back then.” The babies o f the neighborhood are now in their 2 0 ’s. It takes an effort by us older folks to grab time to comm unicate with them and learn what life is like from their perspective. We are challenged with the task o f tak ing what will always be there from our youth, and blend ing it with the benefits o f our new maturity. I think Dave and 1 are doing a pretty good job, and the kids around here, those one-tim e babies, willingly help us along.

nice feeling. That shows the mutual familiarity we have as a community, a very supportive community. This takes years to build and solidify. It is a challenge to maintain and a delight to hold.

H o w d o t)Ou Leep in to u c h ? Dave: We are still closest friends with a couple o f guys wax west o f us, near the Lost Coast. 1 met them through the same issue o f RFD in which I met Randy. Their very rural acreage is wonderfully quiet when we \ isit them , some 20 miles as the crow flies, but 2 ? hours by tniek. They live a very sim ilar lifestyle but still have no telephone. We com m unicate the old fashioned way by writing them a letter first. When they go to their nearest post office and country store to get their mail, usually once a week, they will either call us or we will write back and forth to arrange a visit. We m anage to see them sev eral times a year, usually for birth days or holidays. Their perspectives can be totally different from ours and we have been able to learn a great deal about their way o f living. They have a very busy lifestyle also, but I feel these friends have not lost the true ideal o f living with the land. Unfortunately, they are a decade older and medical problem s can demand a real phone. From what I am hearing, there may be a satellite phone in their near future. That will be am azing for them. They prom ise we will be their first phone call! It will be like when we got our first solar panels and installed our first 12-volt lights, or got our first real phone. It will be an end to an era that is nearly extinct in these parts. Today, we can call anywhere in the country for 3 cents a minute. The answering m achine is a great tool, allowing us to m aintain control over the calls. We get and send daily E-m ails that can travel around the world. Having the Internet gets a lot o f com m unications out very easily, but the occasional personal letter from a friend is still always appreciated. In the early years we were sim ply leaving notes in local m ailboxes along the highway, as well as CD (Citizen Band) radios to com m unicate with friends. Today, there arc a lot o f potiucks, hot tub parties, dinner and movie nights, our monthly drum circles and pool tournam ents, andstopping when we pass each other on our road. These are events where inform ation is exchanged. We make arrangem ents for help with a homestead project, plan future visits, or just chatter away with the news o f the day.

A n d th e del ighte? Dave: The delights are the sunrises, the sunsets, stop ping to look at the clouds, the hot tub, and our friends. It is their visits that cause me to slow down a bit, take time to smell the flowers, and appreciate the progress that we have made. Randy: W hile recently thinking about the question o f the delights o f our accum ulated years, 1 realized that Dave and 1 had just returned from a most delightful evening. We drove with our nearby friends to a local Halloween party. We were all in costum e, about 30 o f us. (I was Prince Duyawannahula.) The real delight came when 1 looked around the laughter-filled room and realized that we all pretty much knew each other, all on friendly terms. 1 could list all 30 names right now, o ff the top o f my head. Most o f them could be called “old tim ers” from those early years when Dave and 1 moved here. Now that is a RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

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Randy: I took a picture o f the phone man installing the box on the side o f the house about 5 years ago. He must have thought I was pretty goofy, the way l was so happy to have him there. O f course he had to hear the whole 20year history o f how we started out by all o f us getting CB radios, and moved on to organizing a private phone com pany w'ith 20 m em bers who had to share that single line. Dave and 1 eventually bought a private setup that at least got us closer to a “ real” phone, but no Internet access. We had terrible reception on rainy days! So we were pret ty happy when the real phone line was buried along our access road from the highway, then up our driveway, and right to our door. Com m unication also involves how we talk with oth ers, speaking from the heart, with honesty and truth. Don Miguel Ruis in his Four Agreem ents lists Im peccability o f Your Word as one o f those agreem ents. “Speak with integrity. Say only what you m ean” he writes. When I lived in the big city (Portland) I w asn’t always consistent with com m unicating truthfully. But once I moved to the farm, and then on to living here at the D+R, I learned the importance o f on e’s word. Country living, country sur vival, depends so much on being clear with each other. We depend on our neighbors, whether to borrow a tool, catch a ride to town, or as a source o f news o f the day. There is very little room for dishonesty when the big storm is on the way! We still keep in touch with many friends that we originally met through RFD. Over the years we have written a few articles and contact letters, and these have been the avenues to connect us with some am azing people that are still with us today. It has always been our goal to provide a safe and com fortable place for our Gay com m u nity; the “ family tree” o f friends that we have met through the pages o f RFD is indeed very large and branching. This year we are spending Thanksgiving with som e guys whose RFD-related threads has been w eaving through our lives for nearly two decades. Our dinner table conversa tion will be full o f “ W here is he and what is he up to?” inquiries about mutual acquaintances.

here with some gardening and orchard skills. 1 was (and still am) not a cook. Fortunately, Randy is quite the cook. He has even surpassed my m other in making an apple pie, and he does it in our wood stove. Randy: I lived on a farm just before m oving here, so I had some o f the basic skills down OK. But I recall today the m istakes we made in those early years, and get a good laugh that we actually survived it all! Our “ How-to” bookshelf was a long one, and still is the best part o f our collection. I wish 1 would have had a handle on just how long any given project can take: much longer that ever antici pated! Nobody could have convinced me that it would take over 7 years to com plete our caretaker house. (Ah, it is nearly finished, really!) But I came into this lifestyle with wide-open eyes, ready for the rush o f the new day. 1 learned a lot about being gay (Dave was my first and only boyfriend!) and I learned a lot o f how to be a m em ber o f a community. Now' we are teaching the young pioneers what we have learned by including them in our works and projects. I get a laugh when I tell them how' 1 wish 1 had knowm that certain skill w'hen 1 w'as their age. v Dave: Finally, 1 would like to say that I have never lived in a place like this. It’s rugged beauty. It is just too difficult to put into words what it is like. Anyway, if you visit, you will get some idea. We always encourage visits from new friends, and readers o f RFD are certainly con sidered “fam ily” . Randy: There is still a ton o f stuff to w'rite about, but now I must recall one o f my favorite mantras: “ Feel, don’t think.” I hope you will be able to have a feeling for w'hat we have written here. Writing and reading take a lot o f thinking, yet the real essence o f the D+R is in the feel ings we have every day living here. We extend this invita tion for you to share in this feeling, if by mail, E-Mail, or personal visit. You can E-mail us at: dnrranch@ saber.net or get to us through our little local post office: Randy Krahn/Dave Vegliano Star Route Box 67-C Bridgeville, CA 95526

what d o ijo u wish tjo u had know n b e fo re m oving to the c o u n try ? Dave; Building skills! Carpentry, plum bing, roof ing, car and equipm ent repairs are just som e o f the skills I wish 1 had had before m oving here. When I m oved here I did not know anything about the water com ing out o f the ground. 1 didn't know anything about cutting and splitting wood. I certainly d id n ’t know anything about alternative energy systems. I had to learn how to connect pipes, pro vide storage, and how to get water to the main house, gar den, chicken house, and w herever I wanted it. 1 did move RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

O u e e r

C o u n t r y

P e r s p e c t i v e ® ® ® ® was about to be repossessed here in DeKalb who was willing to host the event. Dave and 1 attended that first gathering and volunteered to hold the next one at Blue Heron. We took the mailing list from the first gathering, about 25 people, sent them all cards in the w inter asking about ideas and interest for the next gathering. No one replied. Optimistically we advertised the July 1980 gathering in the gay press through out the NE US and Eastern Canada. We had 30 people attend the gathering that July. Several o f those first hardy souls like Jay Warren and Scott Luscomb still attend regularly. The rest is history'. I met my partner, Gary Berk, in 1984 through a com mon faerie friend. Gary moved to Blue Heron in the fall o f 1986. Together we have expanded and developed Blue Heron into a successful environmentally friendly small farm. We try maintaining an envi ronmentally sustainable lifestyle, living off the grid, producing all our ow n energy from renew able wood, solar and hydro sources. In the 1990’s we brought two American born infants into our lives through adoption. We have a busy full life!

Brian Thom pson Blue Heron Barm Bryan, his partner G an and their two adopted kids live at Blue Heron Farm in the St Lawrence Valley o f New York State, a few miles from the Canadian Border. Faerie Gatherings have been held in their town since 1979 and at Blue Heron since 1980. They have a commercial Hock of sheep, raise dairy replacements, have a small u-pick blueber ry operation, run a maple syrup operation each spring as well as keep a flock o f poultry and raise a large garden. Gary is the local country' doctor.

A b o u t living in D e K alb: 1 grew up in DeKalb on a small mixed dairy' farm; 1 went away to college in Ithaca. Being different, 1 never thought I would come back. 1 studied rural sociology and agronomy. I came out into the very supportive queer alterna tive community in Ithaca during the early 70s. It was an idealistic move for me to come back to what had been a very poisonous atmosphere as a gay kid. I was going to make a positive difference in the community that 1 grew up in. I felt very optimistic that this was how to change the world when 1 came here to teach at, Beaver Creek School, a new alterna tive school. I taught as an openly gay man. In the summer of 1978 I moved to the land that is today Blue Heron Farm at the invitation of Dave Pfautz He held the land under contract and wanted others to go in with him and create a gay community. I built a house the next year. Dave lost interest in the project after a couple years and sold me his share in 1981. I had to go to Boston to work that winter to pay of my loan on the land. I have been living here con tinuously ever since.

Q u e e r in th e c o u n tm How has being queer in the country changed? People don’t like to admit that they’re closeted but in some ways they are more so than ten years ago. For a while in the 80’s and early 90’s there was an active gay group in our area with as many as 50 people attending the regular meetings. Now, with the Internet, people have stopped attending the meetings. It was similar w'ith the local gay bar, which had been around for years, after the Internet took oft'it just folded. There was a movie made about the antisocial affects of the Internet on gay community. In rural areas it is just so much less risky socially to hook up electronically. It allows people to stay safely closeted in their daily life and still hook up. 1 feel that has a very negative effect on the development of real queer community in the country. In response to this I worked to organize a coalition of local groups to put together a rural LGBT Film festival. There arc four colleges in our county. Each has I.GBT stu dents groups that function at various levels. Working with them and other local support groups we have managed to put together a successful festival for three years running. I think a key ingredient has been that all films are shown free of charge so there is no class barrier to participation.

N orthea st Radical Faerie G ath erings Bruce Penrose organized the first Northeast Faerie Gathering in 1979. It was originally supposed to be held at a mixed community in western Massachusetts, but they backed out at the last minute and Bruce found a friend whose farm

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IRIDH '

P e r s p e c t i v e :

I find that straight people want to like “us” but are very uncomfortable if we show any queerness. Over the years I have found myself tolerated but not really welcomed by the straight community. In the end I find m yself gravitating towards my queer friends. I feel lucky we have not been harassed or intimidated. There is an unspoken code here among the real locals. “You leave us alone: We'll leave you alone.”

started to be bigger gatherings around the country.

G a th e rin g R o o ts The Running Water Gathering and others were happen ing before Harry Hay called the first national gathering. Faygelle Ben Miriam talked a lot about how the first faerie gatherings grew out o f the feminists womyn’s gatherings and were decentralized. I think that the feminist aspect has waned over the years.

Q u e e r In th e c o u n try then

C o n clu sion

In the 1970’s when I moved here it was fashionable to move to the country and be a homesteader or part o f an intentional community. O f those that moved here during that period, almost none are still involved in agriculture, except those that became fundamentalist Christians. Most of the others who stayed in the area used their superior educational backgrounds to scoop up the few local white-collar jobs. They eschew their hippy pasts. They are now mostly exur banites commuting 30 to 50 miles per day. It seems a lot of the environmental vision is gone. The urban/suburban attitude about rural people has changed. The stereotype is now the Beverly Hillbillies. It is demeaning. It’s gone from idyllic to white trash. New urban immigrants to our area want to live in the more upscale vil lages around the college towns so they don’t have to interact with the social under belly of the a rural area. We are losing one o f the great social strengths o f rural communities when we replicate urban residential class stratification here. In our society racism is not okay but classism is. We deny class exists so then it is okay to discriminate on those lines.

I tried attending a local liberal religious institution after we adopted our children, a portion of whose credo is, “The inherent worth of all people”. The group has almost no lower class members and in the end was only welcoming to LGBT’s o f a certain class and social status. The Faeries have done some amazing things in the last 25 years building a cul turally queer identity. I think one o f the diffi cult things we do well is keeping the ugly barrier of classism that domi nates American society out of our circles. This is not an easy task.

Faeries and D ra g Early on the drag (note: east coast faeries were stereo typed as the “head “ faeries, the politicos) was mostly gender fuck; wild colors, half male, half female. Such things as Dimid’s faerie pants Turkish wraparounds-were fairly typi cal early faerie drag. Drag has moved towards the more con ventional drag queen model with a bit o f the poor white trash thrown in. I miss the wild creativity of the gender fuck days.

G ath erings th e n and now Early gatherings were much more political. I remember talking about the proper use o f he/she. There was great feel ing in circles that we were working to create a better more sensitive queer society that might even be a model for creat ing a better world. The group was very important and sup porting and making everyone feel safe and welcome was too. this year we had a faerie who made a whole political dia tribe about his need for meat at gatherings. The gatherings here were vegetarian from the beginning to minimize our impact on the planet and to create a dietary common basis that would allow all participants to share in the common meals. Early gatherings tried to be sensitive to each other’s needs. They were communal: now the focus is more on the individual, it's about “my needs” and about how big an appearance 1 make. I think this change happened as there RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

Mapple Sugaring Top a fae enjoys draining sap into the collection tank; middle the evapora tor; bottom Issac contem plating the surip; previous page Gary empties a bucket; trees with taps. By Kwai Lam

Q u e e r

C o u n t r ij

$5$

pecker The even louder quiet w hen he's done. These and more are good soul medicine for me. And for others, as well. “ I am convinced, both as a psychoanalyst and as a cantodora [storyteller], that many times it is the things o f nature that are the most healing.” says Charissa Estes in Women Who Run With Wolves. “Especially the very' accessible and the very simple ones.” Returning to a simple country' life four years after com ing out w as part o f my healing. My husband and 1 w ere evicted from our sm all-town apartm ent after word got out a gay couple was living there. We began an earnest search for a place o f our own. We wanted it to be soulnurturing, in the country, and affordable. At long last we found Old Winters, a rural Indiana farmhouse nestled in 18 wooded acres. C ountry living com es at a price. Initially, we paid it in m ailboxes. For some while after we moved in, ours was the only mailbox on our rural Indiana road regularly targeted for drivc-by batting practice. Each new police officer who came by to w rite up a vandalism report acted mystified as to why it kept hap pening. My husband and 1 were not so naive. We kept replacing mailboxes, hoping the vandal would tire o f the game. We tired o f it first. If he could play hardball, so could we. We filled our next mailbox w'itli cement. Maybe the vandal did get a shock when he hit it, but he exacted revenge by stealing the box, the cement, the post, everything. We then arranged a set-up that allowed us to detach the mailbox and bring it in each night. He stole our set-in concrete wooden post. Now we bring in both mailbox and post every night. He hasn’t yet stolen the hole in the ground. W hat he has done is sprinkle our door and yard with bags o f “anthrax.” H e’s also set fire to the porch. I feel angry and fearful about paying this price to live in a soulful place. Yet I realize that living close to on e’s heart always extracts a price o f some kind. For me, coun try living is a wise investment. I pay attention to what feeds my inner self. Recently, that came in building an outhouse a fabulous outhouse. It’s made o f boards reclaim ed from a tumbled down hog shed. This privy has curtained windows, a gorgeous oldoak two-hole seat and a sitting porch, even. We named it Fern Hill, after the poem by Dylan Thom as that begins, “Now as 1 was young and easy under the apple boughs...” In some way I don’t quite understand, my past, present and future meet in this little building. We had an outhouse when I was growing up, as did my grandparents. We used it regularly. Continues on p. 47

Noodle So u p fo r the Soul B ij B rijn M arlow It felt like an ordinary day. an ordinary m eal, an ordi nary bowl o f noodles. M aybe it was, but it was his last. The earthquake struck. All hell broke loose. The river cat apulted out o f its banks. It came rushing in. pushing a wall o f vegetation and earth in front o f it. He ran for his life. The bowl o f noodles hit the ground and landed upside down as disaster struck. All went dark. Everyone and everything in the village was buried under ten feet o f clay soil. Four thousand years later, scientists digging at the Lajia archeological site on the Yellow River in China reconstructed this scene. They noted skeletons thrown into various abnormal positions. The inhabitants had been over whelmed as they tried to flee the catastrophe. As reported in the journal “Nature”, when scientists lifted the overturned bowl they found the clay soil had vacuumsealed its contents. All these years later, there were the noo dles. It was an extraordinary find. As you might well guess, Stone Age noodles are not easy to come by. 1 think it’s a fascinating story. My longsuffering hus band has heard me recount it num erous times. The other night 1 was telling it in his hearing once again. “The scien tists lifted the bow l,” I said theatrically, “and there were the noodles, four thousand years later!” “And the thing is,” my weary husband interposed, “they were still hot.” We all laughed. Yet it’s true that for me those noodles are still warm, moist and juicy. T here’s som ething about them that compels me. Perhaps it’s the parallels to my own life. The earth quake struck when I came out gay at age 35. In the ensu ing flood, I lost my life as I knew it— along with my wife, children, church, family, friends, jo b and hom e in the country. Yet I lived to tell about it and what felt like thousands of years later to sort through the w'reckage looking for anything I could salvage. Amongst the debris I found a small bowl— a soul-container— and, inside, some simple ordinary things which nourish me. Trees. Stars. The seasonal rhythm s o f nature. The musty smells o f an old barn. Chickens and geese. Freshgrown vegetables. An outdoor privy. Raccoons, coyotes and deer as neighbors. The loud ham m ering o f a woodRFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

IxAomu U> m w» u m I h r'd (W iim il o f m e ih t iwghi b efore, «nd bacln’l r » ik fw hm f 'c j w e h< knew we w n r comm*. 'I V 1Kfct* ul u i u i u u u rtd in t V ynrd u f HiliirU iliic k , w alrbcn* t V fVtudi nnd IwikltnK lurat* Thr ter fnt*» rsn deeper (tu n ever h«(orr. L k A wk b m i cut it m m , I r t j Itzr how m u l t m ore I could h .o r jyvtn htin during (h r 1hret y e e tt I lived do w n the roan) from him in • in* In m lto u w with m y friend* AM ib r p o ty lr of ih r ItU c i co m m u m iy ilo n * the V jcIoh I road i V r r m O i l l u m t*». N.C. M l (**od ab o u t iu and how » c l o r d We all visited hade ami forth to ts o f l i m n , Inn law im h wan nlw ayi specmil In m r. He is n um cpir printm , a wrvrncy n t year old Ul.uk fate**1* b f i V i y w r - tivnl around there nfi hi* life W orked all over th e farm*, wood*, and field*. for p c n n n r a d a y w hen he wan y o u n g H it yoimn a ir sw ollen from arihrilt* now , liul he gels around p e rtly well ll n very •p en a l for b o th o f t a lo look deeply in to ra rli o th e r's eyes at com ihe d isla n crs oi *ge, race, and eiattn, feeling nuch deep leave in lueli a bea u tifu l vettm *

When I to ld him we wanted to take some pictures o f him for a magazine, he asked, “ What does it say about suckin' peter?” We both laughed. Itoomis can’t read at all hardly, but when 1 showed him a copy o f RKD # 3 , he looked through at the pictures and smiled w ith interest. He probably gets lonely a lo t, 1 don’ t think he has any regular partners there, but he’s respected, and everyone helps him out. Many tim es I th in k about his life there and marvel at the bond between us. I ’ve thought about what it would be like to stay there w ith him, but 1 know that rpy changes are else where. The people o f m y com m unity have moved to Tennessee, and soon I w ill rejoin them, leasing Loomis in his com m unity w ith his people. Despite the distances between us, I know that wc w ill always care for each other, and 1 w ill never forget him.

Milo

a g ro u p o f us b e fo re the w a r w e n t o u t in to a v a lle y w ith ourselves and w ith m a n y a n im a l frie n d s and s till m ore a nim a ls th e re lo meet s e ttin g u p o u r p r e tty c iv iliz a tio n and re m a in in g th e re fo r several generations b reeding in w a r d ly ,.m ong o u r frie n d s the v a rio u s fa m ilie s th a t we loved and w h en we cam e o u t and in to the p o s t-w a r w o rld all th e peo p le w ere am azed: we w ere covered w ith h a ir m a n y o f iis w ere on hooves some w ith fo u r legs, som e w ith tw o some w ith six tits , som e w ith e ight m ost had tails a few had fins one had thre e eyes and som eone’s c h ild had ju s t been bo rn w ith a t in y p a ir o f d o w n y b ro w n w ings a w o rld a lte r a w a r has seen m a n y things th o u g h m ost peo p le c la im th e y ’ ve seen n o th in g at all th e y s to o d b e fo re us stagnant gaw k-eyed and a stounde d at ju s t o u r litt le h it o f m agic once so c o m m o n , n o w so seldom e n c o u n te re d : i t ’ s so easy, we a ll called gavin d illa rd

RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

Appearing in #4, the close up of Loomis and the naked lad in the pond are Milo's photos.The other two photos of Loomis with Milo were taken by Peter, the friend with them that day of farewell.

Skin Tax by Tim Z. Hernandez.

Book

Berkeley. Calif.: Heyday Books. 2004 ISBN 1890771937 Paperback $12.95 xii, 67 p. reviewed by S tev en Riel

Reviews

This is why l lead w ith the docile nose o f a house cat speak my intentions in raw doggerel utterances from the s tiff core o f a loose taciturn tongue, why I tweeze the nose hair clean behind locked door-, using the reflection o ff surgical steel buck-knives & lim p toilet handles ...

Performance poet Tim Z. H ernandez\ first book. S kin Tax. energeti cally explores the realities o f Latino experience. Many o f these poems describe the d ifficu ltie s o f individuals— domestic violence, miscar riage. the aspirations and disappointments o f broken men and women, the death o f a young poet, a person being accidentally sprayed by a crop duster— but their entirety reveals the hardships and tragedies o f a disadvantaged people. In " I'm Gonna Put V irg il D ow n." the speaker ironically announces that he intends to capture a man named V irg il in his poem “ so that you can’ t mistake him / fo r another brother,” but the reader recognizes what a representative type V irg il is:

Perhaps w hen performing this poem. Hernandez uses a theatrical tech nique to help his audience comprehend his intention, but a reader lacks any such assistance coming outside o f the poem itself. In “ The L iv in g Room” (interestingly another pt>em in w hich Hernandez questions traditional male gender roles: the speaker over comes his machismo to express love for a gay man), subject and object get jumbled when the speaker heaves a tuna casserole across the kitchen. The w all becomes animate, and some ingredients in the casse role become components o f the wall:

For the women who kept him — there were greased engines, rigged pipes, polaroids, postcards o f saints. and prayers In the glove compartment letters o f love & promises

the teal dish dipped and dug a hole splintering filet

A nicked ring A dollar b ill ripped in two A m illio n unlabeled keys & somewhere a m illio n doors w aiting to be opened.

in stucco chalk chunks and mayo fish grease and stud swell dicing the onion grout the wall boomed and spit teeth o f cheap ceramic

The world Hernandez seeks to capture often bursts w ith crisis and raw emotion, but the steady empathy that inform s his imagination allows him to make what is ordinary beneath those extremes comprehensible. Whenever a performance poet attempts to reach an audience via the written w'ord rather than an oral presentation, the question aris es o f whether the quality o f the w-riting stands up to the more thorough scrutiny a reader can undertake. However successful Hernandez may be as a performer o f these poems, his results in the printed medium remain uneven. Many o f the strongest poems in this collection achieve their impact through uncluttered and unambiguous focus. Hernandez’s cel ebrations o f unabashed (hetero)sexual desire ring loud and clear, as in “ We’ ve Been A fra id ” :

bitterness & jealousy in gobs o f pissed dinnerware and seafood rage. In his introduction to Skin Tax, Juan Felipe Herrera celebrates this blended quality o f Hernandez’s work: ... nothing is focused, by the way, get this, nothing is clear, we live in a hemorrhage w ith a pencil, we are in a state o f blurred categories and tender touches, all this is a subversive manifesto o f Twenty-First Century G ram m ar... Near the end o f “ The L iv in g Room ,” the speaker alludes again to the heaved casserole dish, comparing love to a bird thrown against a w all, and then adds yet another sim ile on top o f that:

The foo th ills o f thigh engulfing the valley w'here irrigation leaks in furrows A blossom Then your fru it gets picked w ith these tw'o hands

yank love from its thriving nest and flin g it against the wall where it lies w rith ing in agony—

Because I ’ ve got needs! Damn. ' I ’ ve got needs no pope or priest could redeem, ideas that would incarcerate me for a thousand lifetim es!

like a dolphin crum bling in sunlight.

In “ I A rrive Late,” Hernandez paints a scene in w'hich a man visits a woman in what seems to be a c lin ic or a hospital. The reader can infer that she has just miscarried their child. Hernandez’s sim iles and metaphors in this poem remain under control fo r the most part, so that their im plications do not stray far from the scene’s interior drama, keeping the tone consistent and the events accessible. Good performance poetry presumably needs to be clear enough so listeners can almost immediately grasp what they hear. For this reason, Hernandez often employs the rhetoric o f litany to structure his poems into digestible chunks. Conversely, his poems often suffer when he sets out to establish more ambiguous meanings. For instance, in “ M am a’s Boy.” the speaker consistently emphasizes his own fem i nine qualities. However, in only one section, his toughness and soft ness interm ix, even into oxymorons, w ithout any seeming acknow l edgment elsewhere in the poem o f the tension created thereby

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The lack o f control displayed at times by Hernandez over both images and metaphors, and their connotations and interconnected logic, is striking: how can a dolphin be dry enough to crumble unless it has been dead for some time, in w hich case it can no longer w rithe m agony? Such imprecision can be most glaring in a short poem, as in “ The G uitar.” which commences by comparing a guitar to a cracked-open a llig a to r’s egg, but then abandons that image for those o f tendons, bones, and lingers- a d iffic u lt shift for even the most deft poet to pull o ff in an eight-line poem. I would not want T im Hernandez’s work to lose its verve, just some o f its wildness.

tubules of the cellular cytoskeleton, where the fundamental ele ments of the greater consciousness may form into recognizable human mental life in the quantum movements and rhythms of subatomic particles.” Yikes!

R em em bering H eraclitus By Richard Geldard Lindesfarne Books (2000) 163 pages, softbound $16.95 Reviewed by Jeff Pavek

From deep in memory, something familiar about Heraclitus prompted me to volunteer to read and review this book. What I remembered in my own history was something about flux. Expansion and contraction are the nature of the universe, and this flow is evident in our own breathing. According to Heraclitus, “This cosmos was not made by immortal or mortal beings, but always was, is and will be an eternal fire, arising and subsiding in measure.” Fire, arising and subsiding.

My favorite footnote, in reference to Descartes' theory of con sciousness being lodged in the pineal gland: “For example, a cal cified pineal gland in a young male child accelerates the develop ment of sexual organs well beyond the normal range of growth.” Really? The shoddy scholarship in this book, alleged to have been written for “serious students seeking entry into the mysteries of existence and being.” according to the back cover biographical note, is evi dent in his treatment of the same Descartes footnoted, whose idea is mentioned, but whose first name is not. David Hume, on the other hand, two pages later, has a first name, a life (1711-1776), and in a footnote, his book is titled and subtitled, with the pub lisher of that book, the city of publication, and the year all noted. So why does Hume get the full treatment and Rene Descartes ( 1596-1650) get short shrift? Could be one is more favored by the author. And what are ‘serious students’, to say nothing of comic teachers, to make of biased scholarship?

According to Diogenes Laertius. Heraclitus was alive during the 691^ Olympiad, 504-500 B.C. He left his town, Ephesus, across the sea from Athens, in modern day Turkey. He left his position of privilege and went into the country to find himself: “I searched my nature.” His book, or collection of aphorisms, created in the ‘Leap of Being’ that included Eastern religious developments, is said to have been called On Nature, but nobody knows. Much is conjecture. Much is made of fragments that are not authentic, called dubious or spurious fragments. Of the 57 ‘essential’ frag ments he translates here, the author develops themes around indi vidual Greek words. This is a small book, short in pages but long in range, and not just time.

This book is like a history of religions in 150 pages, and it's not expensive, but is it worth it? It is valuable to remember Heraclitus, and the translations of the fragments are fresh and include our own modernity in their antiquity. But the way the author treats the reader is like the patronizing way he says Aristotle treated Heraclitus. Of the examined life, “much learn ing does not teach understanding.” Nor does much learning make this book anything but a dubious fragment indeed.

This book’s most popular word is truth. But the author is no clos er to the truth at the end than he was at the get go. And what a long journey it is, Remembering Heraclitus, the Obscure, “the first true philosopher!” So, is it true? Is there anything gay about this book? Would RED readers read it? Truth is, even though he taught at Ycshiva University, 1 suspect Richard Geldard is a clos et Lutheran!

On a recent road trip, the refinery flame greeted us on the way south into Salt Lake City at dusk. All these engines on the road, in the air, on the sea, combustion power, fire in the house, 400 million tons of coal extracted from Wyoming every year, as noted in John McPhee’s recent Coal Train articles in The New Yorker. Fire it up, doll; Heraclitus would have loved our time, Hamers exhuberanthus! And the brand new opera, Dr.Atomic. premiered in San Francisco, John Adams’ latest collaboration with Peter Sellars, plays heavily into the Heraclitean idea of fire as the first and last element. The orig inating nuclear scientists actual ly feared the test bomb would ignite the atmosphere, the world enflamed, the fire next time. That the opera happens inside of us, the aggravation and tension, building to the moment of explosion, is not like more con ventional shows that operate outside of us in pleasant melodies and dramatic plots. The end of the world, as in the beginning, makes us tense, even giddy, on fire. The truths Heraclitus identified persist and still reverberate in us. Therefore, remembering Hera clitus is not such a bad idea.

Hermits will welcome news that they are well documented in his tory as the instigators of new ideas. Those who welcome spiritu al co-existence with the East will gladden to read that pre-Socratic philosophers read not only Jeremiah but also Lao Tse. But gay is not necessarily spiritual. Philosophy Lite, yes; gay light, no. Those who stand outside, on the fringes, will identify with an his torical figure who ate grass and went sort of nuts looking for him self and then came back with these nifty pearls of wisdom. To define something by what it is not. this author calls apophatic, from the Greek word apophasis, to deny. To describe this book in its own terms then, note that it does not include a bibliography, except for 5 suggested books which do not include his favorites. It does not include a glossary except for one half page of Greek words defined in words not used elsewhere in the text. Nor does it include an index, which would alphabetize authors, characters, places and books in the text. To give you the flavor, selected arbi trarily from a non-exhaustive list, here are I in 10 of the entries that would provide a useful index: Ananda Coomaraswamy, Bhagavad Gita, Confucius, Euripides, Genesis, I Ching, John I'owles, Krishna. Meister Eckhart. Ralph Waldo Emerson. TaoTe Ching, Upanishads, and Zoroaster. Get the drift? The author casts a large net but does not catch many fish. Of the few gems includ ed, in answer to the questions was he a god or an angel or a wise man. Buddha is said to have said. “I am awake.” Geldard is all over the map with references, but you get the impression he’s working from a box of index cards and wants to include as many as possible. Over the top of the heap is his adu lation for Roger Penrose whose (1994) “anti-computational approach to consciousness...focuses attention on the micro Rh'l) Winter 2005-06 (#124)

m y father, my mother, o r m y se lf That night I dkin t know that m y fa th e r w o uld soon die suddenly o f liver failure, or that it w ould he Dtivis w ho w ould one day e xplain to me that it w as not he hut Mrs. P u n ts who had told m y fa th e r she had seen m e with a diary, o r that I had scarcely even begun what was to becom e m y life o f secrets.

An abrupt midpoint shift forward in time leads to similarly poignant adult episodes, all of which significantly thwart the narra tor’s efforts at self-realization by adding sedimentary layers of angst to the bitter core of his childhood. McCann dramatically exposes the spirit-stifling melancholy bred into so many gay lives in preStonewall America. That's what it teas in the old days, in case anyone who has tuned in to this late-night broadcast has happened to fo rg et: sudden arrest: y o u r nam e in the p apers the next m orning: then, maybe, a quiet suicide. One, two, three, ju s t like a gam e o f hopscotch, except you had to p la y barefoot, jum p in g on broken glass.

And those early influences can certainly remain, merging with and intensifying the emotional and mortal perils of contemporary gay existence. The narrator admits. “There are parts 1 have not told you. things 1 still conceal." not the least of which is his persistent “shame of my desire.” Still, he remains ever the survivor in a series of rela tionships, until he also joins the ranks of what he calls “the worried unwell.” And it’s that overwhelming worry, or more precisely his inability to evade it. that casts a deadly pall over the author's elegant storytelling. Any writer has a perfect right to drag his characters through the darkest night of the soul he can imagine. However, he can’t always expect success in carrying his readers along on the trip. Some journeys are simply too bleak and joyless to be reasonably endured. One character here suggests that “all inquiries into the nature of the soul are essentially obsessive and autopsical.” Maybe so. but there’s no requirement they also be nihilistic. Despite an early obsession with Edith Piaf singing, “Je Ne Regrette Rien,” the narrator remains in a miasma of guilt and uncertainty. Although at first we'may asso ciate the title with his mother Maria, by the finish there exists a strong argument that our central character is the real Mother of All Sorrow's. McCann’s prose is too beautiful, sensitive, and humane to profess nothing other than utter despair, but he gives no inkling of any way out for his desultory hero. Without demanding a “Happy Ending,” readers should he able to expect some perception of possibility in the most dismal of plights. The final scene places the narrator in a rowboat on a deserted lake at night. He is still struggling to understand something of his life, but as he looks into the depths, he concludes that "the water’s too dark to see through.” Well, we heard a long time ago that now we see through a glass, darkly. Perhaps he should step over the side in order to see more clear ly. At least it’s a plan.

Pantheon Books, N e w York, 2 0 0 5 . 1 9 1 pp $ 2 0 . Reviewed by A. Vera It isn't necessary to have grown up in 1950’s suburbia to appreciate Richard McCann’s novella of linked short stories, M other o f Sorrow s , but those who did will find the selective details of his mise-en-scene achingly accurate. The unnamed narrator inhabits a pre-pubescent universe of Welcome Wagons, Necco Wafers, pressedsteel porch gliders, bomb shelters, two-toned Chevys, and bicycle handlebar streamers - an era when tee shirts were all white and bore no pictures or words, and the plastic “Visible Man”, with removable scale-model innards, bore no genitals. The first half of the book chronicles the formative experi ences of an emerging gay psyche in a familiar canon of emotional vignettes: the alternating affections of a mother afraid of feminizing her sons; secretly donning his mother’s clothes with a fey friend and then treasonously rejecting him in public for fear of social stigma; and risking the slimy horror of night-crawlers on a fishhook with the wish, “Please let me seem, even if only for this hour, my father’s son.” Familiar as these episodes are, McCann captures his read ers with unique detailing and a simple, lyrical prose that almost demands to be read aloud. In retrospect, I'm not sure who I was hating m ost right then, as I stood there -

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Naoioit A s s a u lt an Sax Rese arch Spurs P u b l is h e r Self-Cens orship by Ri char d O s b e r n e The O ctober 7, 2<XJ5 ed ilion of The C h ro n icle o f H ig h er e d u c a tio n , the leading w eekly source o f news in academia, con tained an alarm ing headline: “ Spurred by C onservatives’ O utcry, Haworth Press Cancels Book on H om osexuality in A n tiq u ity ” . Reporter D a vid G lenn's story recounted that the H aw orth Press, long a leading publisher o f “ cutting-edge” scholarly m aterial dealing w ith human sexuality— particularly queer sexuality— had abruptly can celled publication o f an edited anthology on hom osexuality in ancient Greece and Rome because o f com plaints by conservative activists that the book constituted the prom otion o f ch ild sexual abuse between adult males and teenagers. The book, titled Sam e-

S e x D esire a n d lj)v e in G reco-R om an A n tiq u ity a n d in the C lassical Tradition o f th e West, had been scheduled to ro ll o ff the presses in November. The same material had also been slated to appear in an upcom ing issue o f the J o u rn a l o f H o m o se xu a lity . w hich Haworth also publishes. (T he J o u r n a l has in the past printed many peer-reviewed articles and book reviews concerning the sub ject o f transgenerational sexuality, but apparently the publisher felt that the current social and p o litica l clim ate made it too hot to handle again.) The b o o k’s c h ie f author, Dr. Bruce Rind, is a ffiliated w ith the Psychology Department at prestigious Temple U niversity. Rind previously had caused a tempest in the w o rld o f sexology when he collaborated w ith other scholars in the late 1990’s to debunk prior “ mainstream” research w hich purported to demonstrate that the younger member o f transgenerational sexual relationships inevitably suffer various form s and degrees o f lasting psychological trauma. R in d ’s research persuasively showed that this “ v ic tim o lo g ic a l” model suffers from several fatal m ethodological and ideological flaw s. He has therefore been repeatedly savaged by those who make their liv in g o ff o f the “ diagnosis” and “ treatm ent” o f ch ild sexual abuse, and/or w ho pro fit o ff o f punishing its “ perpetrators” . What is most troublesome about H a w o rth ’s unilateral can cellation o f this book on the eve o f its publication is that its spokes woman defensively claim ed that Haworth did not in any way “ con done ch ild abuse” , apologized to anyone who m ight have been offended by the excerpts o f the book that Haworth had placed on its Web site to tout the book, and promised that H aw orth would not again publish any material that m ight even be perceived to “ advo cate" ch ild sexual abuse. This controversy was eerily fa m ilia r to me: H aworth had done the same thing to me ju st six months earlier. A fte r ten years o f pursuing a publisher, and countless rejections, H aw orth contracted w ith me in 2004 to publish an expanded and enhanced version o f my doctoral dissertation. T itled S u ffe r th e C hildren: A P rescription f o r th e Ills o f A m erica n A d o lesce n t S exu a lity, my book— like R in d ’s— hxiked at how adult-adolescent sexual relationships have been treat ed in the past. But mine went far beyond Greece and Rome, exam ining societies in Asia, Polynesia, N orth A m erica, and A frica , both past and contemporary. 1 also presented a detailed explnation o f the theory that humans develop and grow psych ologically by having experiences, not just by reading about them or seeing them on T V and in movies or listening to their parents, teachers, and ministers. M y manuscript also contained an exhaustive and scholarly refutation o f the oft-repeated claim that youth are at an inherent power disad vantage in sexual relationships w ith adults. Based on my impecca bly documented research in those fields and others, I concluded that Am erican society would be well-served i f it gave serious considera tion to a llo w in g adolescents who wished to do so to choose an adult “ sexual mentor.” And H aw orth— in itia lly — bought it.

RFD Winter 2005 06(#I24)

Donald Dimock But the election o f the current regime in W ashington a year ago, coupled w ith the M ichael Jackson tria l last W inter, must have started the process o f c h illin g H a w o rth ’s feet. Out o f the blue, 1 received a letter last M arch from a H aw orth executive te llin g me that because “ intergenerational sexual relationships is an exceedingly controversial subject” , they were canceling my book due to their concern that they “ could open ourselves up to serious criticism and potential harassment— in clud in g legal action— by p o litic a l, re li gious, social service, and perhaps even law enforcem ent organiza tions” . M oreover, the letter continued, H aw orth did not want to risk “ severely damaging our professional relationships w ith many o f our [other] authors and editors in the ch ild welfare, mental health, and pastoral counseling fie ld s” . Im agine that: a publisher o f controversial m aterial opening its e lf up to serious c ritic is m ! I prom ptly mailed a letter to Haworth urging it to get a spine im plant and f u lf ill the A m erican publisher’s historical role o f given voice to unorthodox and/or unpopular per spectives. For w'hen reputable private publishers capitulate to pres sure not to publish m aterial that challenges prevailing p o litic a l ide ologies— thereby precluding the citize n ry from having access to both the facts and the alternative vie w po in ts that lie at the heart o f our collective a b ility to make reasoned pu blic p o licy choices— then A m erican democracy is seriously threatened.

My letter went unanswered. Maybe several irate RFD readers would fare better; if you are so inspired, write your protest to: Bill Palmer, Publications Director, The Haworth Press, 10 Alice Street, Bingham ton, NY 13904-1580. Or e-mail him at: bpalm er@ haw orthpressinc.com

snare drum cracks across the orchestration and the music mounts into an aggressive juggernaut of militaristic orchestration. Through the thundering music comes the chorus “its not for everyone ..' These lyrics are sung and shouted from behind the music as the pounding drums and industnal orchestration pours down upon the listener Cawatana give an amazing performance that melds beauty, grandeur, militancy, and poetics into a stunning song

Heathen Harvest bu Malahlo R. Thorn

French artists Stahlwerk 9 offer the sixth track on Gloria Victis Vae Victis titled Your Job In Germany Stahlwerk 9 stay true to their original sound and offer a song that incorporates historic war time sound clips, dark ambi ence and industnal sounds "Your Job In Germany” also marks a shift in the music on Gloria Victis Vae Victis Where the previous five songs dis played strong martial orchestrations Stahlwerk 9 launches a new chapter of Gloria Victis Vae Victis that highlights a fusion of martial themes with more ambient passages "Your Job In Germany" is comprised of histone recordings of American officials discussing the occupation of post WWII Germany and the individual American soldiers responsibilities while on guard in the “new Germany.” The sound clips are enhanced by industrial sound constructions and gliding waves of ambient music. A repetitive and morose throbbing rides over the top of the sound clips and the waves of expanding ambience drive the song. The song is eerie and inspires mem ories of Germany's defeat and subsequent fate Stahlwerk 9 has a unique and very individual music approach that fits flawlessly into the flow of Gloria Victis Vae Victis

Artist: Various A rtis ts Title: G loria V ictis Vae V ictis Label: War O ffice P ropaganda Genre: N eofolk / M artial O rchestral ResourceLinks:h ttp ://w w w .w a ro ffice .o rg /in d e x_e n g .p h p

Ait! offers track number twelve titled "Julia." Julia” stirs up the compilation with a heavy dirge filled with distorted vocals and neoclassical instrumen tation imbedded in heavily industrialized atmospheres. The song begins with a deep reverberating drone that is joined by oppressive industrial drumming. The drone and drums play out a short serenade of suffocating darkness that is joined by deeply imbedded tortured vocals that groan and strain to be heard from beneath heavy layers of distortion. The song is dark and foreboding as it lurches forward enhanced by the sweet sound of the cello. The song stumbles forth steadily and with intent like a soldier blinded, blasted, and left for dead upon the battlefield. Determined to push forward the soldier roams aimlessly across fallen bodies and debris unable to navigate without his sight yet unwilling to relinquish himself to death.

War Office Propaganda continues to impress and inspire their audience with thoughtful releases and stellar packaging. Their latest offering Gloria Victis Vae Victis is sure to gain this small Polish label many new avid and dedicated listeners. Following a deluge of original and thought provoking releases War Office Propaganda has released their first full-length CD compilation. Gloria Victis Vae Victis captures a snapshot of the current neofolk and martial industrial music scene and offers listeners a stagger ing twenty songs performed by some of the best names in the neofolk and martial orchestral genres. Gloria Victis Vae Victis Features such established and honored artists as Cawatana, Cold Fusion, Rukkanor, Stahlwerk 9. Belborn, Neutral. Ait!, Toroidh. Katjalan S issit and Herr alongside emerging artists such as Omnicore, The Well of Sadness, Out Of Sight, Parzival, Rasthof Dachau, Krepulec, as well as many more talented and accomplished artists.

Russian musicians Neutral offer a tender and powerful ballad on track fourteen titled "Long Miles of War.” “Long Miles of War" is a lovely dark bal lad constructed around violin, acoustic guitar and vocals. The male vocal ist sings a heartfelt ballad driven by acoustic guitar and graced by orches tral string passages that descend then retreat throughout the song. The vocals are in Russian though the listener is easily swept way within the depth of emotion and sentiment communicated by the vocalist. The vocals are masculine and sad as they reflect upon the cost of war. Just as you are becoming thoroughly engulfed in the dark Russian romanticism, the songs graceful chords and strings are blasted with the sound of snare drums and gunfire. Suddenly this serenade is infected with the horror of war as guns erupt and bombs blast unseen. Neutral does an excellent job of capturing the spirit of their people and reflections of their nation's brutal suffering during WWII.

War Office Propaganda has achieved a monumental album that fuses together well-known musicians and their fellow comrades. Though the neofolk and martial music genre have seen their share of compilations attempting to illuminate the genre, never before has such an extensive and carefully constructed offering been presented. Aside from being a massive catalogue of the current scene. Gloria Victis Vae Victis is also a carefully constructed compilation of songs that fully embody the martial and war driven tone of the current music arena. Adding to the quality of Gloria Victis Vae Victis is the fact that War Office Propaganda chose to acknowledge no state or national boundaries when recruiting artists for this spectacular release. Contributing artists span the length and breadth of Europe and the release even includes an offering from the American band Harvest Rain. This multinational conglomerate of artists offers a thorough presentation of the current musical arena and thoughtfully gives voice to many perspectives.

Relatively obscure artists Rasthof Dachau offer a stunning song for track number fifteen tilted “ Krepulec.” “ Krepulec” features string orchestration playing a sweet song of sweeping strings accompanied by looped indus trial percussion and spoken word male vocals. The lyrics are in German and escape my translation though they communicate a sense of remorse and reflection. Calm rhythmic industrial percussion drives the music while the string orchestration pulls at the listener's heart as the music aspires to escape the past while honoring the memory of the fallen and lost Rasthof Dachau offers a nice balance between sentiment and force I look forward to learning more about the band soon

With a full roster of twenty songs, it would be exhaustive to comment on all the offerings on Gloria Victis Vae Victis. The album is highly impres sive throughout. Gloria Victis Vae Victis begins with an exclusive contri bution offered by Hungarian artists Cawatana titled "Tears of Centuries." "Tears of Centuries” begins with ominous piano playing that creates a sad and intimidating mood. A male vocalist joins the song as he sings of the stars falling from the sky in a deep masculine voice. The piano and vocals are abruptly interrupted by industrial / martial orchestration that storms through the song. Marching drums accent the torrent of industrial orches tration and the male vocalist returns singing of purity and suffering. The

With twenty songs gracing Gloria Victis Vae Victis it is impossible for me to comment on every composition that has left an impression on me I can say that I found every song on the compilation to be gripping and intrigu ing. With such a large offering, my main concern was loosing interest part of the way through the album After listening to Gloria Victis Vae Victis numerous times, I still find myself gripped and engaged throughout the entire listening experience War Office Propaganda has given great attention to song arrangement thus the Gloria Victis Vae Victis shifts through numerous musical styles and techniques as the album progress es Every few songs the tone and style of the music evolves to represent

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

another aspect of the martial folk and martial orchestral music genres From thundering anthems to soft neoclassical reflections and on to ambi ent driven requiems, it is all here and arranged for maximum enjoyment.

"D estello de Estrellas en la Frente” features fourteen original songs and the limited edition version includes a small mini-CD with an additional four songs. “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” begins with the song "Saltar A Valor." "Saltar A Valor" begins with male spoken word recited in a slow droll A looped female voice singing in an operatic manner is looped in the background and paired with meandering, muted piano playing. The repet itive female vocal loop is eerie and communicates a sense of eternal sad ness. There is something tragic in the loop as the woman repeats herself. The meandering and muted piano chords lend a sense of dementia to the track as if you are hearing a memory captured in time and doomed to be relived without end. There is a brief moment of glistening guitar that fades as fast as it begins and there emerges the isolated ticking of a clock meas uring out minute after lonely minute in the methodical march of time. Though the elements of the song are quite simple, the effect is mesmeriz ing. Novy Svet and O Paradis create a unique and original vignette that captures a timeless and haunting quality that defies definition. “Saltar A Valor" leaves the listener with a lingering impression of fatality and time lessness.

This is the most impressive compilation of 2005 If you enjoy neofolk and martial orchestral music this is a necessary collection of songs Gloria Victis Vae Victis comes with our highest recommendation. Gloria Victis Vae Victis features mostly original and exclusive songs and the unique handmade wooden box that that the CD is housed in is a collector's dream. Gloria Victis Vae Victis embodies a truly impressive artistic vision and a wealth of music that you will never find published anywhere else. Get this release before you are left regretting that you did not act on these words of recommendation!

"Adonis & Bulldozer" is the sixth song on “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” and it shows yet another of the many facets of the unique music explored on “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente.” “Adonis & Bulldozer” begins with metallic percussion played gently over a wavering organ tune. After a brief introduction, anguished male vocals burst upon the song accompanied by deep sensual drumming. The drumming melds effortless ly with the metallic percussion forming a powerful Mediterranean rhythm that drives the song. The male vocals strain and groan from behind the drumming filling the music with a dire passion. The rhythm joins with deli cate acoustic guitar that beckons you to dance to this tortured tune. The drumming suspends briefly opening the song to a male signer that sings solemnly in Spanish. Its moments like these when the music has hold of you that whish you had studied Spanish. The drums join the bass guitar, organ, and metallic percussion once more while the instrumentation pulls back slightly allowing the singer to lead the song. The music is expertly composed relaxing at moments and surging forth in emotionally filled cli maxes at other moments. All the while, the song retains a Mediterranean lounge feel that unites all the musical elements into a sensual whole. “Adonis & Bulldozer" proves just how addictive this musician partnership can become!

Artist: Novy Svet & O Paradis Album: Destello de Estrellas en la Frente Label: Punch Records Genre: Neofolk / Experimental Resource Links. Novy Svet http://w w w .artcraf.it/novysvet.htm O Paradis: http://www.o-paradis.com / Punch Records http://www.o-paradis.com / Novy Svet and O Paradis have risen in recent years to be regarded as two of the most progressive and experimental artist working within the neo folk music genre Neither band has remained satisfied with churning out your basic neofolk album In fact, Novy Svet has gained a reputation of challenging listeners with new musical styles and approaches with each new album while O Paradis has pushed their Mediterranean brand of folk music into ever-darker dimensions of suffering. The unification of these two artists is nothing short of psychedelic. “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente" is the second album produced by Novy Svet and O Paradis fol lowing the release of “ Entre Siempre y Jamas Suben las Mareas Duermen las Ciudades" in 2003 on Nekofutschata / Tesco Records. Having proven the force of their combined might Novy Svet and O Paradis have returned with another full-length album that combines con tradictory music styles in a Frankenstein like musical monstrosity that daz zles the listener with dark beauty.

Track twelve titled “Desde” exemplifies the sensual side of “Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” with a dreamy composition that wavers between the real and the surreal. “Desde” begins with the gentle sounds of the ocean accompanied by light percussion and bass. The percussion and bass grow slowly into a jazz infused song structure. The lazy jazz percussion joins an equally languid organ that fires off cool tunes like rocks skipping across the water. The music is mellow and hip escaping all sense of pretense or striv ing. The only thing missing in this snapshot is a lounge chair, beach, umbrella and cold *censored*tail. Near the middle of the song, the organ retreats and the song comes to a near standstill as a male vocalist groans as if being choked. Then surprisingly in English, a male voice speaks as if speaking from within a dream “Are you listening? I do not know where you are, but you are far away from m e...” This small dose of surrealism infects the song with the heart wrenching sadness that runs like a muddy vein throughout the album. “Desde” rambles on over five minutes allowing for full immersion into the sultry and hazy spell.

The success of any union always depends upon the integration of the two into one. For realization of “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” Novy Svet and O Paradis had to find a way to ingrate the avant-garde experi mentation that has become the signature of Austrian born musicians Novy Svet with the romantic Mediterranean folk ballads of O Paradis. This hybridization was achieved by focusing upon the dark underpinnings of both of the bands involved. Drawing upon the sad. dark, sensuality of O Paradis and equally drawing upon the sinister, avant-garde, experimentalism of Novy Svet these two bands have formulated a new musical style born out of their previous individual musical output. "D estello de Estrellas en la Frente” embodies the Spanish vocals and lyrics that have become a defining element of O Paradis though most the lyrics are actually sung by Austrian born musician Jeurgen of Novy Svet Also present and recognizable is the prominent organ music that has been such a mainstay of Novy Svet The organ music is played alongside the Mediterranean flavored acoustic guitar which has graced so many O Paradis albums Be not fooled by the acoustic elements. Paired with the acoustic instrumentation is a heavy dose of avant-garde electronic treat ments that keep the songs impregnated with an indefinable surreal char acter Combine these influences with a dose of jazz infested lounge music and you begin to approach the very original and intriguing sound these two bands have achieved on this recording

Rf 'l) Winter 2005- 06 (#124)

Novy Svet and O Paradis have created an amazing offering with “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente.” After having successfully estab lished themselves as innovative independent artists they now join forces in creating avant-garde neofolk the likes of which we have never heard before. “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” takes neofolk music way beyond its own self-imposed borders and successful brings together ele ments of jazz, lounge, neofolk, and experimental music. Novy Svet and 0 Paradis are successfully creating a new musical dimension where tradi tion and experimentalism fuse together into a beautiful yet dark hybrid that seethes with sensuality and surrealism. "D estello de Estrellas en la Frente” comes with our highest recommen dation. When you decide to buy your next neofolk album track down “ Destello de Estrellas en la Frente” and allow yourself the opportunity to discover something new and unusual! Please visit Heathen Harvest on the internet at ww w.heathenharvest.com for more reviews and interview

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RFD Winter 2005 -06 (#124)

Norhtwest Faeries http://groups.yahoo.com/nwrad feys

615-563-2219 or 615-5636624 IDA queer artist community POB 874 Smithville, TN 37166-0874 planetida@planetida.com www.planetida.com 615-597-4409

WASHINGTON Olympia Faeries Olympia, WA http://groups.yahoo.com/group /olyradfaes/

UK Edward Carpenter Community London, WC1N 3XX UK info@edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk www.edwardcarpentercommunity.org.uk 44-08-703-215121

NashFae Circle Nashville, TN www.nashfae.org

Seattle Radical Faeries 6002 32nd Ave NW Seattle, WA 98107-2540

FRANCE www.Folleteerre.org new Eurofaerie sanctuary

RiverSpirits Memphis, TN www.riverspirts.org

WISCONSIN Milwaukee Faerie Circle 712 East Knapp Street #304 Milwaukee, Wl

efthimiios@aol.com EFc/o Kalos, 7rue Payenne Paris 75003 France [33](0)1.40270295

WORLDWIDE

Les Fees de MontPellier C/O Pierre Vazquez 38 Rue I’Auguillerie 34000 Montpeiljer, France 33-04-67-60-89-30 Fax 33-1-40-27-02-96

Pumpkin Hollow 1467 Pumpkin Hollow Road Liberty, TN 615-536-5022

AUSTRALIA ozfaeries@yahoo.com info@ozfaeries.com www.ozfaeries.com

Short Mountain Sanctuary 247 Sanctuary Lane Liberty, TN 37095 615-563-4397

ASIA Asian Faeries (Bangkok) John Ferguson/Habibi jf_in_bkk@yahoo.com

TEXAS North Texas Radical Faeries http://groups.yahoo.com/NTRa dfae

CANADA Aka Amber Fox Summer Gathering Place Ontario, Canada circle@aka.amberfox.ca http://aka.amberfox.ca

Texas Faerie Connection Hyperion & Swami C/O Feyarts, POB 2542 Wimberly, TX

Toronto Radical Faeries Toronto, Ontario http://groups.yahoo.com/group /TorontoRadicalFaeries

VERMONT Faerie Camp Destiny PO BOX 531 Winooski, VT 05404-0531 www.faeriecampdestiny.org 802-295-7105

EUROPE http://www.eurofaerie.org

GERMANY Deutschland/Germany Berlin Faeries C/O Hort/Butch Bhudda Berlin, Deutschland/Germany howaberlin@hotmail.com HOLLAND Dutch Circle C/O EuroFaeries POB 2721 100 CS Amsterdam www.eurofaerie.org DeeTale 31-20-4860377 IRELAND Irish Radical Faeries C/O Ari Sigheag 71 Ballyculter Road Loughkeelan, Downpatrick, County Down BT30 7BD

Prison

a casual conversation These h o o . including my son. arc sex offenders. We. as then pa.ents. are compliei! in crimes hard to explain or define Recently I asked my 1 J e a r -o ld son wn.u h e 's learned from the painful events of the last year, and he said. “I’ve learned sex is bad I don't want to think about it anymore."

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My r l i a

Sev eral months ago. a school counselor called me at work and told me he needed to speak to me right awav When Ik arrived at mv office 1 was braced tor the worst, for injury, the unbearable What be told me w as more unexpected than sudden death that mv son had confessed to molesting our other son, who is several years younger. In the parlance of sexual abuse, he had “disclosed." begun the slow unraveling of detail and self-castigation That moment began mv own continuing nausea, like a backward somersault I can't control. I swing from feeling to tceling without warning. I swing between rage at my son and fury at the damage done by what are called good intentions.

As 1 w rite this columm ! am a long way from my Tennessee base visiting friends and making new ones in and around San Francisco. When I return home expect I w ill find between two and three hundred new pieces o f mail from our Brothers Behind Bars. Vex we do get that much mail in three weeks. As at least two/thirds o f the mail coming in is from inmates w e have never heard from previously, our readers can gain a fairly clear picture o f the need for more guys willing to reach out in love and understanding. I encourage our readers to w rite in and request the Brothers Behind Bars List (BBB). Because of the costs involved including colored art w ork and photos, we request a donation o f S3.00 — $10.00 . Currently the list is only available by mail, although 1 can attempt to send the Word Document via e-mail, please send requests to BBB, PO Box 68, Liberty, TN 37095 ATTN: M v rlin . E-mail request can be sent to bbb@rfdmag.org. The Fall copy o f the list contains 14 pages o f ads and 4 pages w ith photos, art and poetic works. Prior to my departure for California, 1 received several w rit ten submissions from inmates and w ill include them below. Prison Book Program has also asked that 1 include a notice that the LG B T Prisoners Resouce List has now been incorporated w ithin the National Prisoner Resouce List amd remains availble to inmates free o f charge by writing Prison Book Program, 1306 Hancock Street, Suite 100,

The day after we found out, the police came to his school without wanting and arrested him. 1 arrived just as they drove him away, a shriveled hoy sitting behind two armed men in blue Ami all that has happened since has been a duller and dirtier knife digging a deeper, nastier wound. He w as jailed for three weeks. I came to visit him that first evening, chill w ith shock, thinking I was done crying for a w hile. 1 brought him the book he was reading. 1 pressed door buzzers and intercoms, waited behind locked doors, spoke through thick glass windows to curt, distracted guards. The book was denied, without explanation, and the tears came again — and I've found ever since that my tears serve only tv) shut doors and close faces. When 1calmed down, I was given 20 minutes to speak to him. He came out dressed in faded, ill-fitting work clothes, pale and embarrassed, and we huddled in a crowded room of other parents and other boys, some of them loud and strutting, others silent and withdrawn. I visited every day 1 was allowed — which was not every day — and each time 1 left he had to go through a strip search. He told me about the other boys, the drive-bv shootings, the rapes and the robberies about which they bragged. He told me about recreational drugs I'd never heard of before. He described several R-rated movies he’d seen in detention, violent films I’d refused to let him see because he was too young. He described the hours o f mental health evaluations, the blood tests, the interviews. He complained about the food and the boredom, worried about his missed schoolwork. talked of everything but what had hap pened, his lawyers, the hearings to come.

Quincy, MA 02169. I draw' your attention to a web site that was created by one of our previous ad placers, Dale Hardi, who resides at a Federal Prison in Lewisburg, PA. The web site is found at rstories.com. Dale admits that he hopes to generate some donations as a result o f his work and there is ample material availble just by looking at the site to make it worthwhile. Finally, please consider the problems facing many gay/bi/trans men w'ho Find themselves caught up in the prison system with the label “ sex offender” attached to the crime they have commited or are accused o f having commited. W hile some may merit imprison ment for this kind o f activity, for many others it becomes a lifetim e sen tence. It is quite easy for most states to convert an original sentence o f 5 to 10 years to a “ civ il com m itm ent" that extends long beyond the original sentence and many die in prison before release. For example, 1 have been w riting several guys who have maxed out sentence time and have remained in an additional 5 years and are still awaiting an opportunity for supervised release even having completed every treat ment program available. As you can imagine, some o f these guys are highly skilled and intelligent folk. Some even that end up running prison programs while serving their time. What sent me on this particular tangent was an e-mail from a friend o f mine, now out o f prison, drawing my attention to an article in Salon Magazine from February o f 1997. The article is particularly disturbing because the whole “ Sex Offender” issue seems to have gone completely haywire when the programs for treating adult sex offenders is inflicted on adolescents and their parents. Here is a portion o f that article: M o l e s t e d

1 talked to lawyers, too. I wrote large checks. No one asked about the younger boy, the victim. Two armed and uniformed police asked him on the first day if the story was true. After that, no one mentioned him. No one suggested a doctor's exam or a counselor's interview. No one interviewed my husband and me. no one visited our home. So I arranged for a lawyer for us. and I took my other son to the doctor — who found no physical evidence of abuse — and to a counselor. We never spoke with the district attorney who prosecuted the case. My older son stayed in jail. First one, then tw'o custodial hearings were scheduled and abruptly canceled without explanation. I got lost in the unreliable labyrinth of voice mail, lost messages, messages never returned, authority changing hands. I grew skittish and paranoid, glancing out the win dow at every car slowing down near our house, at the ringing telephone, the doorbell — wondering if men with guns and blue uniforms would come for our other son without warning, take him away as well. I didn't know what to do or who to ask. I w'as afraid to tell any of my friends. We sat in the courthouse hall way before the third scheduled hearing, sat there in staik terror. I had asked the receptionist in the lobby what to expect She looked at a schedule, at mv son's name and the word "sodomy," and said casually. "He'll probably he locked up lor a lew years. That's typical." The juvenile advocate came out of Ins office and leaned over and told me that tins hearing, too. had been canceled The do trict attorney had a conflict. I started to cry. My husband sat motionless and silent. "I don't know what to do," I whispered. "Tell me what to do." He turned on his heel and walked away. "I can't talk to you when you're crying," he said

by Anonymous o mother discovers that the legal system's nightmarish "cure" for child sexual abuse can be worse than the disease

Between my two sons, there was kissing, there was touching, there was oral contact (“sodomy”), There was a lot ol looking. There was no penc (ration, no force, no threats. They are several years apart in age and the contacts occurred over several weeks. My youngest son confessed in ictus that he'd enjoyed it. and was very sorry he'd gotten his brother in so much trouble. I have finally confided in a few friends this past year, and each one has asked me to explain, as though I knew, the difference between molestation and childhood

Every Wednesday afternoon I find a seat in a windowlcss basement room in a circle o f 25 people. The chairs arc metal, hard and cold, and the level of discomfort tar more than physical. There are eight teenage boys and two thera pists. and all the rest o f us are parents and grandparents. We are bewildered, we arc depressed and we arc all consigned to this room tor months. I am sick for hours beforehand and a day or more afterwards, unable to sleep in peace, to cat, to hold

RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

sex play, 'Lord, m y brother and 1 d»d more (Iran th a t," one friend said, and went

Prison is a place w h ere yo u go to bed before y o u are tired.

on to describe it ''W hat's the fuss about?" asked another. “ Too bad you don't live in Europe.” a well-traveled friend said in sympathy.

It's w here you p u ll the blankets o ve r y o u r head w h e n you are not cold. It's a place w here yo u try to escape by reading, p la y in g cards o r s im p ly g o in g mad. Prison is a place w here yo u pro m ise to becom e a be tte r person. Some people succeed, some people fail, some d o n 't even care.

I don’ t know if I am reassured or mx — because I still don't know how I feel about what happened, how I r e a ll y feel as a parent, oulsidc the Kafka-esque legal lorurn The boys are uxi many years apart lo r K to be simple childhood sex

Stephen Danforth, 4980971, 777 Stanton Blvd., Ontario, OR 97914 My Lover My Friend

play in my mind. It went on too long, for weeks. I am not sure it was abuse. I am certainly not sure it was a crim e, but neither am I sure how I would define it I wish fervently that it had never happened, but I ’ m not convinced it is the worst thing that could have happened, that it is anywhere near as terrible as

When I was Sad he'd lift me up. He was always there to pick me up. In his car we'd ride around for hours. Together we took many hot showers. Sometimes he was gentle, sometimes rough. But I loved his hands caressing my butt. And the way he kissed me from head to toe He was more than good, my lover was a pro. He’d make me hot and have me hard as a rock. And my eyes would light up at the sight of his cock. He was all excited and ready to fuck. But he’d have to wait cause I wanted to suck, I loved the feel of his cock sliding in and out. And he'd grip my head and cum in my mouth. I liked his taste and was ready for more. Getting him hard again wasn't a chore. He'd stick his finger in my tight little ass. It felt so good, I had to gasp. Then he'd lift my legs and grease me up, And push his cock into my butt. I’d tense up and he'd say relax, And in a short time he was pumping fast. The pleasure was great and I was having fun. He fucked me so good I had to cum. And Baby I’m a shooter, my cock’s like a cannon, And when I came, in my face it was landin’ My lover grinned as cum splashed on my lips, And as if on cue, he thrust his hips... My lover’s cock blew and filled my ass with his hot steamy goo. Then he kissed me and slowly withdrew. And like that we were through, or at least that’s all I’m willing to share with you... Until the next time.

many people think I could not voice these doubts to the Wednesday afternoon group, to the judge, to anyone, without threatening mV entire fam ily. A lthough I secretly believe the cure has been much worse than the disease. I am careful not to say so out loud. I know that h a lf the people who make their liv in g in the "child htxid sex abuse field,” as they call it. would then lx- convinced I was either a victim , a molester or both. . . . I read a lot about incest now. I read about suddenly retrieved memories and roleplaving and hypnotherapy. I read about incest fantasies and the "incest com plex." all those emotions that are exactly like the emotions created by incest, even when nothing like incest occurs. More often, lately. I read about people whose lives arc destroyed not by sexual abuse hut by the fear o f it, by accusa tions of it. shifting and unprovable. I wonder where all this is com ing from , what the hell is going on around me. when it seems as though w e’ ve lost our minds over sex. There is a letter to the editor in the local newspaper, com plain ing o f an ari show using condoms as material. "N o wonder our women and c h il dren aren't sale in the streets.” 1 get into a discussion o f the death penalty w ith a friend o f mine, a Iricnd who loves both my children and knows nothing o f what has happened to us in the past year. “ But surely,

some people should die,”

she says, w ith great heat. "C h ild molesters should die, don't you think?” Maybe I don’ t know anything anymore. The center doesn’ t hold fo r me now. For months I've woken at night and felt myself sink into a swamp o f guilt and shame, wondering how we could have n o t k n o w n , how it could have happened here, in the house, w hile wc suspected nothing. M y husband is almost paralyzed w ith remorse, convinced somehow his tame and w ell-hidden collection o f naked-lady pictures is at fault. We seem unable to even consider making love anymore. Neither o f us knows how to talk to our children now. I don't know the line between m inim izin g the hurt and making it worse, between fueling the fears and gu ilt and hiding them.. . .

i stop the article at this point, only fo r lack o f space. / fin d it quite tragic to consider that both o f these hoys are being groomed fo r many problems in the future and probably even terms in prison at some point. I recommend the balance o f the article to you: h ttp :/w w w .s a lo n .c o m /fe b 9 7 /m o le s te d 9 7 0 2 2 8 .h tm l

William James, #773336, Mark W. Stiles Unit, 3060 FM 3514, Beaumont, TX 77705-7635

P rison is a Place Prison is a place w h ere the firs t person yo u see lo o ks lik e an A llA m erca n college boy, and yo u are surp rised . La ter you are d is gusted because people on the o u tsid e have the same prejudices about prisoners that y o u used to have. Prison is a place w h ere you learn that n o b o d y needs y o u .... That the w o rld o u tsid e goes o n w ith o u t you. Prison is a place w h ere yo u can go fo r years w ith o u t fee lin g the touch of a hu m an hand, w h ere you can go fo r m on th s w ith o u t h e aring a k in d w o rd . It is a place w here frie n d s h ip s are s h a llo w and you k n o w it. Prison is a place w h e r yo u lose respect fo r the la w because yo u see it raw, tw is te d , beat, ig no red and b lo w n o u t o f p ro p o rtio n to suit the people w h o enforce it. Prison is a place w h ere you forget the sou nd o f a ba by's cry. You forge t the sou nd o f a d o g 's b a rk o r a cat's meow. Prison is place w h e re you see m en y o u d o n 't a d m ire and w o n d e r if y o u are lik e them . It's a place w h ere you striv e to rem ain c iv iliz e d b u t lose g ro u n d and k n o w it.

RFD Winter 2005-06 (# 124)

You and I

My heart is special to those who core. Shooting Star, Springtime air. For you I'm strong, my love is bright, Golden Sunset, Dove in Flight Be soft ond gentle, for it's my heart you hold. Bed of Feathers, Pot of Gold, All I hove to offer, It's oil just for you. Me your bright red rose, you my morning dew. I think about you, my heart goes out, That you love me, I hove no doubt. Like o crystal dear lake, soon you'll see, You ond I ore meant to be. Pablo Ponce, K-55446, C3-148Low, LAC Prison, POBox 4610, Lancaster, CA 93536

Soodle Soup, continued from p. 35 Last year, when winter storm s left us w ithout power for a week, we wished for an outhouse. Having one now js insurance against future pow er outages. It's also a con nection with the old ways and w ith the earthiness o f life. Sometimes nature com es looking to us for nourish ment. as when an orphaned raccoon adopted us for a spell one year. Rascal w as a faerie spirit who taught me much about the w ildish nature and the life death life aspect o f being. So, too, our goose Albert, a cantankerous fowl creature w ho em bodied my animal nature that w hich will turn and bite me in the butt if I’m not careful. Living in the country offers me solitude. Much as I appreciate that, there are times I'd like som e other men with whom to be “easy under the apple boughs." 1 learn from this, as well. For ten years my husband and 1 have been part o f an intimate circle o f loving com panions that meets m onthly in the capitol city. It's a 90-m inute trip one way, and worth it for the mutual support and encourage ment we share. We also run a monthly gay m en's support/discussion group in our hom e, another way we create meaningful connection and community. Once each year we travel further afield and attend a national gathering o f fey spirits. We drink deeply o f these waters, for the m em ory' o f this experience m ust sustain us through another year. Country living reminds me o f my connection to the physical and cultural landscape around me. My outer life shapes my inner life, and vice versa. Energy Hows both ways. Life is richer when I am mindful o f this. Thus, we make conscious choices about what w'e allow' into our home. Old W inters has no television, no internet access, no cell phone. An answering m achine screens incoming calls. Books line our walls. T hat’s my bailiw'ick. Hand-crafted furniture and hand-sewn artifacts testify to my husband’s leisure time pursuits. A placard above the fireplace reads, “ I enter Old Winters as a sanc tuary, a refuge, a protected place set apart from the cares of the world. . . . Here I deepen and expand my perspec tives on being. Here I find my heart’s hom e.” No idle words, these. Living them out is for me a path with heart. And a venture into the unknown. A rcheologists at Lajia snapped a picture o f the Stone Age noodles. It’s a good thing they did. Exposed to air and sunlight, the m illennium s-old noodles soon crumbled to dust. There is M ystery here. That which sustains me at a deep level is som ething o f a slippery noodle. Try as I might to quantify it, contain it, explain it, its essence always eludes my grasp. It’s enough that I recognize my hunger for it, and discern what it is nourishing soul food from that which is em pty calories. Country living sharp ens my appetite for the real thing. xochie@ hotm ail.com

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RFD Winter 2005-06 (#124)

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RFD Winter 2005 06 (#124)

10 Years o f Zuni Mountain Faeries RFD's Spring Issue #125 is being choreographed by the Zuni Mountain Faeries

ZMS celebrates 10 years of being & doing. Where it's been Where it's going? How has ZMS affected you? What it has spawned? Do you have something to share? Share your PH O TO S, stories, poetry, nonsense and especially your experience at ZM S and the larger faerie community of New Mexico Submit to submissions@ rf dmaq. orq by February 1, 2006. Then read about yourself in the Spring!

20 Years o f Nomenus at Wolf Creelc RPDâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s # 126 (summer 0 6 ) will celebrate these ijears o f gatherings, faeries livingand deceased and communitij on th e land. We seek memories, stories, ph oto s, etc. to r more inform ation call the S a nctua rij a t ^ \ . S 6 6 . l 6 / S . Submit to submissions@ rfdmag.org by May 1, 200d.