Bad Ritual Guide Bad Dog

Bad Ritual Guide by Bad Dog

My odd life-story equipped me with natural suspicion towards cults, sects and guru/ follower dynamics. The quest to find the kindred souls has led me to various gathering and groups, alas often with single focus. Spiritual but a(nti) sexual, sexually aware but materialist, ecological but ideological—or various other combinations. Just not all that was important to me in one place. The discovery of Faerie space was sort of a revelation…at what felt like the end of this journey. The presence of sexuality, spirituality and nature among Faeries seemed almost like a synergy. The environmental respect for the ecosystem (that obligatory “Nature”) underscored by the feasts and festivities aligned with the wheel of the year, the sexuality rediscovered in the inspiration by the Two Spirit roles of shamans, healers, rite preservers. Everything interlinked.

Now, the true irony comes. The more rituals I experienced with Faeries, the less eager I felt to entangle my spiritual needs in the communal mayhem. While the longing for experience of shared spirituality has driven me to the Faerie space, I often find myself fleeing the Faerie rituals into more personal and intimate space.

The high concentration of esoteric species, gurus wrapped in dramatic rags, teachers of whatsoever kind—did not affect me more than with a rash. The cynical-me immunized against woo-woo, with the inbuilt suspicion as an obnoxious emergency valve. Don’t get me wrong, I don’t mind all the theater and the drag. It’s part of the synergy I have already mentioned—the shamans and tribal rituals always included costumes, role play, ritual reenactment of the archetypal stories—because the human mind is more susceptible to receive the “moral” through the story, through the emotion, through the sensual bewilderment. Colors, smells, music, dance, drama. It’s all in its place.

I even developed an acquired taste for intrinsic Faerie subversion, for resistance towards ideology (and tradition), a sweet weak spot for farce or unexpected interruption or misplaced joke. Oh yes, sometimes I would love to experience also a ritual in more serious (what does it mean?… genuine? engaged? respectful?) manner—but I also see the value of the jester as a keeper of sanity and perspective. In connection with the medieval Mattachines or the other satirists—the challengers of powerful, the conscience of society, the dissenters. The questioning of ideology and tradition is a valuable skill—that this community is still exploring and learning.

As a natural Taoist (i.e. not studied, but rather resonating with the core concept) I keep asking for the balance. Of the seriousness and farce, of the traditional and situational, reverent and innovative, didactic and creative. I keep asking how to convey the message of the ritual and keep it playful and alive. To honor something while keeping the sane perspective. To reaffirm the shared values—if we have any—and to keep the ritual non-imposing. To allow for the personal input in the rite, personal function of the ritual, the intimate dimension— while benefiting from the aspect of sharing.

James Hillman, an archetypal psychology pioneer offers a beautiful image easily readable by most of the Faerie folk: The Tree. The spirit may be represented by the crown. Explicit, growing upwards, indulging in the sunlight. The enthusiasm, the aspiration. The High in all its deep and shallow meanings. All the worshipers of “light” (that is aspiring to beat the forces of darkness), eternal life, paradise, deities up in heavens, “let’s heal the world”, “let’s make everyone happy”, joy and laughter, positive thinking, be open to everyone and everything, let’s tear down all the walls and borderlines—the realm of the enthusiast absolutism. The heroes, the fixers, the saviors, the visionaries, the cheering crowd, the hooray. Sometimes a bit forced, a bit one dimensional, a bit ambitious or at least eager. Spirituality and aspiration come from one root—“spirare”—for breathing. It’s vital, no doubt, but perhaps focused in one direction only?

There is a mirror image of the tree, lying underneath the ground, often huge as the crown itself, the root system—the soul’s metaphor. A beautiful Faerie connotation—as the word “radical” does not refer only to political radicalism, but often to the “radices”, i.e. seeking for our roots. The roots dig into the darkness (!), into the dirt (unlike spirit and spirituality that often venerate “purity”, “cleanliness”, “transparency”, or even “virginity”), sucking

the nutrition from the decomposed previous life. of the soul” on the program. And even that smells The same way as the soul feeds on the memories, suspiciously of…frankincense? Churches are full nostalgia, old pictures. So much for the limitof “spiritual shepherds” (at least in my language) less idolatry of “focus on the present moment” who claim to aim to “save my soul”. Soul business or “don’t dig in the past, look into the future”! sounds almost menacing. So how does the Faerie �� The thread of the soul needs to be interwoven into culture feel—how much excitement we find for the the timeline of life, connected to the previous and spirit and how much nourishment for the soul? future generations (ancestors anyone?), it is that By the way, heart circle. That famous “speaking part of us that stretches out of our own short and from the heart” (and not from mind)—is reaching linear timeframe. Soul expresses in stories—not towards the spirit or the soul or both or neither? just personal ones, but narratives of the family, Heart is an organ, quite an unromantic pump, tribe, community, culture, era. And talking of the what entity does it represent in its symbolic value? darkness: soul sometimes (particularly when it Even bigger challenge for me—is often being needs to be heard through the loud “let’s” of the reminded by the facilitators to focus on the “here spirit) speaks also through the illness, depression, and now” and not to stretch far into the past, not sadness, tears, withdrawal, or other healthy and to tell the stories, not to unravel the complexnatural phenomena of ity of interconnections the soul’s weather. It is of the current emotional a counterbalance for state—the way how we the pretense positivity, it is our capacity to The more rituals I filter every present moment by the sum of our accept and live (also) experienced with faeries, previous experience, the the darker aspects of life—that constitute our wholesomeness. One of the reasons I

the less eager I felt to entangle my spiritual needs in the communal

way how soul is manifesting in life…I often receive: “soul, shut up—now the spirits speak”. And then I fell in love with Faerie mayhem. While the longing often see spirits (!) drifting space was the fact that the darker emotions seemed to be welcome—unlike in many

for experience of shared spirituality has driven me to the faerie space, I often

I do not want the spirit to feel as the an

towards socially presentable positivity, flimsy momentariness, yay and hooray. Is it the Faerie “keep smiling” cults find myself fleeing the faerie tradition, or just a fancyand communities.

rituals into more personal and intimate space.

In New Age era, it is not difficult to achieve sort approach to the festivity is—and if this is indeed of spiritual saturation. Much of the esoteric explowhat draws many towards Faerie space, the preration calls upon spirit. Rarely one can find “care ferred way to experience the “queer spirituality”?

sounding “guideline” passed on and repeated so often that it has become tagonist here. Maybe blindly revered instead of just a deity with too understood and felt? Do much attention—on we know the pitfalls of this behalf of the others in pattern of monkeying and the pantheon. Think of puer archetype—the panhooraying from the other religious practices? zer optimism of the youth. Spirit has its imporOut on The Land, I noticed two kind of exemtance—working behind aspiration and inspiration. plary rituals indulged by Faeries. The first one I The incentive and the desire propel us towards call a “station ritual” where I am led by the facilitainventions, recreation, revival. The above-surface tors from one place to place B to place C—in each part of the tree is important, without doubt. I one expected to do this and that, repeat, recite, surely do not want to just wallow in the pain-andsing, or just watch hailing to the directions or pleasure rollercoaster, meditating on it endlessly. I calling on the elements. And dress up well! I wear just wish to give attention to the overlooked entity drag and drag myself along—more or less pasthat has its equally meaningful job down there— sively entertained. I enact, publicly, aware of being the soul. seen. On the scene. I wonder how popular this

It makes me think of an average —of the inputs by newbies and by elders, by spiritualists and by woowoo enthusiasts, by rationalists and by skeptics, by compulsive party-spoilers and by self-centered divas, the eternal performers and the inconspicuous shy ones, the sarcastic observers and wideeyed followers, those promptly interchanging chemical-high with spiritual-high or the genuine plant-medicine shamans.

The other sort of the ritual may start in a circle, to feel the group support, the safety net, the fact that we do this together, setting the simple intention—followed by “go and experience!”…when each one on their own explores how the intention resonates with them and give the ritual a peculiar shape. At the end we meet again in the circle to share (if we need to) what was it like and to feel the group container again, making sure we do return, both in physical and spiritual sense. Caring, waiting, asking. I perceive this set-up as a simple structure—a “ritual skeleton”—that the soul can fill in with the personal and intimate content. To participate in a “shared ritual” and still being able to claim an intimate space for the soul—is a fragile balance that I do not find that often. There are spots on our land of a great spiritual value for me—where I prefer to go alone. Be it Ancestors’ Tree or Meditation Rock—I avoid those stations in most of group endeavors, not willing to be bound into a particular way how to engage with these symbolic places and the spirit/soul-connections that they represent for me.

Shared rituals are sometimes shortcuts towards togetherness, sometimes they genuinely allow us to explore more dimensions of the interconnectedness. Those less obvious aspects of the meaning of “the community”. Sharing of the values and ideas. Being with the like-minded friends. But sometimes their gift is a feeling of solitude, loneliness, disconnection. Is it an invalid value?

Not long time ago I participated in a sweatlodge-ish event, where I have found myself surrounded by dozen Faeries trying to imitate the wild beasts roar, me unable to look inside really and to experience anything intimate within me. All my space filled in with others’ loud voices. It made me think of another read: “your freedom ends where the others’ freedom begins”. Yup, I get judgmental (sinner!) and sink into sarcasm (bitch!). Am I trapped in a stampede of the urban intellectuals trying a spliff of exotic spirituality? “Liberating their spirit” by screaming—as is a popular spiritual cliché of the Faerie events? Surely, I do not want to inhibit anyone’s spiritual expression. Though, round after round—yelling, singing mantras, calling the “important keywords” into the space—again and again and again—is this it? Are we spiritually…ready? Is this the only spiritual expression we are capable of? “Yeah baby, let it out!” Anytime I hear terrified giraffes on the Faerie prairie, I tell myself: “Oooh, some spiritual ritual again.”

But seriously—I wish and imagine that we resist that compulsive need to claim that silence as a stage. Not to fill it but rather feel it. Enjoy the shared silence—challenging, uncomfortable, weird as it is—denuded sweating bodies in a safe proximity with a ritual meaning (not an opportunity for a stolen touch!) and embraced by the darkness, Not a competition of spiritualist performance. “Being together” as a way of allowing each-other a deeply personal work—supporting each-other to get in touch with the intimate space inside. Group work that is neither torn by egos, nor dissolving the individual. A spirit hand in hand with the soul. Like those embarrassing and looooong moments in the heart circles when someone holds a talisman and does not speak a word for infinite minutes.

Working in the technology sector, I often get reminded of a trendy term with quite a fundamental meaning—“robust”. Robust systems operate well even under changing conditions. I often recollect and laugh at my attempts for nude midsummer candle burning and spell casting rites, almost bitten to death by the mosquitoes with no compassion for the sanctity of the moment. The gods of ridiculous, embarrassing, twisted, turned-upside-down and hijacked—often call for their forgotten homage. Can we imagine a robust ritual not dependent on making the symbolic acts in proper way (as we often see in the outside world)—but welcoming the stumbles, cheering the surprising outcomes, caressing the failures and mistakes, where nothing’s going wrong? I have seen that abundant capacity in Faerie folk. The best rituals combine the prepared with the unexpected, incorporate the flaws into the flow of the ceremony. I love working with the props found on the way and on the spot. The leaf, the acorn, the feather…the lighting, the critters, the weather.

Even amidst Faerie chaos, I love to experience the balance of the complements. Sometimes it’s a tug-of-war, of course. Practical, hedonist, esoteric, artist, political, outer-space Faeries all pulling the rope in their direction.

I find the “soul work” most often in the least prepared of the rituals. The walk. The showering and bathing. The fire feeding. The berry picking. The dish washing. You still do what you do—the grease and the bugs need to get off the plates—but you can also introduce another level of “doing it.” On a physical level and in parallel as an inner work—for you and perhaps for the others. The “secret” is in how you do it—just in the first plane or with some added value. Like when you wash the thing and in the same time you “wash” the soul.

Ironically, the most enchanted and soul-feeding moments among Faeries happen to me when we don’t try so directly to “make them”. During the shared meals (eating food, dressing up, decorating—but also receiving the someone’s service offered to the rest, chewing on the togetherness, digesting the conviviality of the moment), during the daily chores that become spontaneous parties or amazing discussions or new connections, also during the community weeks when we toil “as monks” but with added value of mutual care and heart space, or when marveling about the mysterious coincidence and communal synchronicity also known as The Magic.

Contemporary art has a tendency to explore the concept, the installation, the set-up, the different variations in relation of the performer and spectator roles. In resonant simile—I appreciate the Faerie circles in their own wonder. Just the circle happening, realization of being here right now, holding your unique hands. The circle as a constellation. I may find some details—e.g. rainbow gathering borrowings like kissing of the hands— creepy and forced. I know some others who find sound of yoo-hoo toxic to the eardrums, some have shivers from the hissing, or from the repetition of the popular phrases, some just can’t stand the neo-pagan chorales (as in “Dear Friend Queer Friend”—oh dear, were I competitive, I could win the sprint racing in those moments) being the only know musical genre on that more ritualized and traditionalized side of the Faerie culture. We �� have our quirks. But we still hold the circle. We gather—in flesh and not in virtual realities. We are there for each other. The very basic Ritual of our community. Being there, with awareness.