Embracing the World Eden

Embracing the World By Eden

Being a queer person of color in the world is akin to being a lotus flower in the mud.

I seed and blossom simultaneously. In the age of Buzzfeed quizzes and social media soundbites, most people are looking for short answers to many long and historically problematic questions. What I always want to know from people is, why are you asking about my experience?

What are you really wanting to learn? Am I being lumped into a category under the umbrella of your perceptions or are you interested in ME and my actual life?

A real turn-off is the assumption that because of my skin color, I am automatically disenfranchised. I didn’t grow up poor, I didn’t grow up feeling inferior to others and I didn’t grow up believing that my access to the world was limited. Also a turn-off is the assumption that I hate white people or that I am a cheerleader for call-out culture. I do not and I am not.

Some of my best friends are white!

Lots of well-intentioned and good-natured folks can be incredibly clueless and tone deaf when it comes to this. Yes, even and especially in Faerie space. Not every person of color wants to spend precious time in sanctuary complaining about “WHYT Folks” or educating people about “what it’s like to be a person of color in faerie space”. Short answer: it’s exhausting being your teacher. Longer answer: every person of color has a different experience because believe it or not (and contrary to what is often portrayed in the media)…we are all different people, from different backgrounds, with different cultural reference points, leading different lives.

Interested in knowing a little more about what my experience is like? Read on…

Let’s address the term QTIPOC (Queer, Trans, Intersex, Person of Color). The fact that this label exists at all is a win.

For generations, many of us were not afforded the privilege of self-identification.

We were property. We were given the names of our owners. Many of us couldn’t read or write so we signed our names with “X”. We were referred to as “Boy” or “Mammy” or worse.

We still are. Language is very powerful in shaping a person’s identity.

It’s taken a lot of healing for me to identify myself in a way that rings true. I am a black, gay man of mixed African, Latino and Native-American heritage. My muggle name is Damani and my Faerie name is Eden, chosen to help me remember to have compassion, forgiveness, mindfulness and patience for all that grows in my garden.

QTIPOC is a great mother agency but as an independent contractor, I prefer black.

I consider it a badge of pride and resistance, a legacy I proudly inherit.

I’m not hung up on pronouns for myself but I respect how others choose to identify.

If prompted, my pronouns are he/him. I also like “Gurl” with a U during a kiki, “Biiish” when I’m being fierce and sometimes “Faggot” when i’m being facefucked. Sometimes.

These are fun bullet points but they’re not my sum total.

As a gay black man, I have often felt demonized, fetishized or completely ignored.

Radical Faerie culture has helped me build and cultivate new narratives around these paradigms. We are an intentional community and we are powerful. When we come together, the healing is nothing short of magical. I have profound gratitude for the ancestors, who guide me through our spaces with an open mind. I have met he’s, she’s, they’s and them’s from all over the world who have shown genuine interest in my heart, my mind and my body in ways that have helped open previously locked doors. I have been held as I wept by the fire. I have thrown epic vinyl parties amongst the trees. I’ve had romantic dinners with elders during Beltane and basked in the history of our culture. I have had my 6’4” frame turned inside out with pleasure

by trans dwarfs (their word) and I have laughed and laughed and laughed until I thought I couldn’t laugh anymore…and then I laughed some more. I have seen the scaffolding of my negative self-beliefs crumble into the earth, into the hole, wrapped around the pole.

Of the important questions asked in this call to share, what resonated most was “How does the world embrace me?” It’s a question every person can benefit from objectively asking themselves, regardless of label. It’s a question of humanity. For me, it’s more important to ask myself how I embrace the world. What choices am I making? What’s my level

of commitment to living a good life? What barometer of integrity have I decided upon?

Due in large part to my presentation, the envelope in which I’ve been chosen to travel through life, I feel the world rarely sees the contents of me accurately. I’m no stranger to mixed reviews. I get reduced to projections through thumbnail culture, so I choose to define myself, living openly and lovingly, focusing on trying to understand rather than needing to be understood.

It’s up to me to have the courage to be who I am. People’s opinion of me is none of my business. I am illuminated from within.