THE EX-FILES

LOUNGE

PHOTOGRAPHY:

EJAY LEUNG OF MIDNIGHT BONKERS

STYLING: BELA VITUG HAIR AND MAKEUP:

ANNE CASTAÑO

WINGWOMAN LOGO:

AUGGIE FONTANILLA

THE RULES OF UNDRESSING

You think you know how to get ladies nekkid? Our wingwoman offers a fresher perspective…

PART 1 THE STUFF UNDER YOUR PANTS

People tend to forget the importance of underwear. If she feels like a million dollars in her panties, she will feel sexier and more comfortable in her body. This isn’t just a lady thing; the same applies to you as well. Fussing over ratty boxers or bacon briefs is a waste of energy—energy that should instead be focused on being confident and leading in the sack. Here is a little cheat sheet to make things easier…

Do wear DoN’t wear

BASIC, SO l ID - CO l O RED UNDIES Wearing polka dots or patterns is distracting, and doesn’t really highlight your ding-dong, if that’s what you’re aiming for, ha ha!

U NDIES IN THE RI g HT SI z E This is probably one of those real times when size is important. Oversized and teeny tiny boxers and briefs are unflattering. R ATTY BO x ERS OR BACON BRIEFS The moment they start fading, restock! It’s not just about the ladies— you don’t deserve to be in old undies.

U NDIES w ITH SI llY DESI g NS ON THE m (w ITH E x CEPTIONS ) I always say don’t wear what you’re not comfortable with just for style, but If you can carry it, feel free to do so.

PART 2 TAKINg THINgS OFF

UNDoING H er B ra Removing a bra is quite easy, it just takes a bit of practice. Here are ways to go about it…

Let your hands wander for

a bit. Going straight for her bra can be a turn-on for some ladies, but most of the time, ladies love it when you go through the motions and heat things up first. Letting your hands wander to her tasty parts lets you test the waters. When the time is right, put your arms around her and fiddle with the straps.

Reach for the clasp with one

or both hands. The obvious route, and the quickest way to get the thing off of her, is to use fingers on both hands. If your other hand is busy heating her up, use your dominant hand to sneak through her back (or front, depending on the bra type) and find the hook. Use your forefinger and thumb and do a quick snap motion around the hooks.

Or peel off the bra pads like

a petal. If the plastic hooks get a little tricky to undo, you can always lift up or pull down the bra cups, and let her take care of undoing it later. Or you can leave the bra on and squeeze your hands through the bra pads. A bit of clothing can be exciting.

P ee LING o FF H er Pa N t I e S

Okay, so this is a no-brainer because who really thinks about taking off their ladies’ panties? It just happens. It’s more a reflection of what you’ve done and/or could be doing instead—

Clasp the waist garters on each side and peel it down quick or slow Insert your hands in the crotch area and pull from the inside down

Ask her to take it off for you Use your toes and knees

Use your teeth

CONVENTIONAL CREATIVE

THINgS YOU DIDN’T KNOw ABOUT DIVINE mAITlANDSmITH

She’s been with a guy

Yes, I have dated a guy when I was younger. I think I was 15 then. Our relationship lasted about six months, and then I realized I could only be really interested in women. I do have man-crushes from time to time; it’s easy for me to say that a man is attractive—but this isn’t the same as saying I’m sexually attracted to guys. I feel that this advice goes out for everyone: Don’t be afraid to be who you are. DIVIN e’S r ULeS oF UNDreSSING Or, how you can feel like Ryan Gosling while undressing without actually having his body…

Don’t hide and slink off.

Hiding and slouching off shows you aren’t comfortable and creates tension. Concentrate on her, and not on you.

Ask before undoing.

There are exceptions. You don’t ask if: 1) You’re both in sync, going at a quick pace, and know what’s coming next; 2) She’s already taking off her own clothes, or unbuttoning your pants. But if you’re going slow and are unsure of your lady’s rhythm, it might kill the mood if you suddenly start unbuttoning your pants.

Pack confidence and a sense of humor.

The only real way out of uncomfortable and awkward situations is having the ability to just laugh about it. And the thing about confidence is, if you have it, she’ll have it, and there will be no more room for fumbling and awkwardness.

LOUNGE

AN ILLUSTRATED GUIDE OF UNBECOMING BROS

AKA all the exboyfriends she ever had, and how not to end up like them…

WORDS: RON JAY EDUVAS ILLUSTRATIONS: LOUIS ARENAS

THE SELF-CENTERED, INSENSITIVE GUY

Her problem: “One time I had a misunderstanding with my family and I felt really down. I needed him to comfort me, but instead, he went out with his friends. Galing no?” – Julia, 20, mass comm student Your move: Most women’s moods are cryptic. You don’t know if they’re just having one of those swings or having a legitimate bad day. To be sure: always ask if her day is doing okay. Good for the both of you if it is, and good on you the sensitive hero if it turns out that she’s going through a rough patch.

MR. KNOW-IT-ALL

Her problem: “Lahat na lang alam niya. I can never win against him in an argument.” - Joana Marie, 22, fashion designer Your move: Exercise self-reflection. Is being right—or believing you’re right—all the time worth losing precious MOMOL? Will one-upping her in the game of wits give you the upper hand in the game of kinks? The answer is obviously, no. Now you know what to do.

OUR STATS SAY

REASON FOR BREAKUP

Too strict

Always fighting

Third party

Fell out of love

Found someone better

HOW SHE SEES YOUR STEEZE

Jeans-and-sneaks guy

Hangs-out-at-theclub guy

Very formal

Lost in K-pop

Walang style

BIG ON LIP SERVICE

Her problem: “I once had an ex who was a smooth talker, but didn’t really get anything done when it came to our relationship. What’s worse, he’s a total baby; his parents do everything for him.” - Darline, 24, model Your move: Grow a spine. Be a man of less talk, more action. Or more talk, but even bigger action— especially in the sack. Let’s see what she’ll have to say about that.

THE PERSON WHO DOESN’T SHOW UP

Her problem: “He’s not really big on social gatherings, and he refuses to meet my friends. It’s as if he’s saying to my face that he won’t exert any effort to meet the people who are important to me. DoTA is a bigger priority. Well I said, good riddance.” - J-em, 22, stylist Your move: If you can’t be bothered to show, make sure it’s clear that the two of you are “just dating” or in a “complicated” place, and in no actual terms “in a relationship.” That way, you can get back to your shutin gaming without being labeled a douche.