TIRSO RIPOLL

05 AcHIEvE InnER pEAcE THRouGH

While we could all do with a bit of zen-like calm in our lives, getting up at 6 a.m. to put your head between your legs after a booze night sounds far from the most comfortable awakening. To help you out, we’ve put together three easy yoga poses even your lola can do—maybe.

The tree

Great for improving coordination and balance, the tree pose also strengthens the thighs, groins, torso, and shoulders. Stand on your left foot then hold your right ankle, bringing it up into your inner left thigh. Raise your hands above your head and do your best not to fall over. Once you’ve found your balance, repeat on the other side.

The downward-facing dog

A good all-around stretch—which can apparently relieve headaches and fatigue—the downward-facing dog is yoga 101. It’s best to get into this pose from a starting position on your hands and knees, walking your hands forward as you slowly lift your bum to create an ‘A’ shape. Push against the floor with your hands and feet while exhaling 100 times, then slowly lower yourself back down.

The mountain

An easy one to finish—stand up straight and exhale as you stretch your hands over your head with your palms facing inwards. Simple.

Note: FHM is not liable for any strained muscles and/or embarrassment you may experience during this exercise.

Max Brooks himself, author of The Zombie Survival Guide, is here to help you through Think! “Panic is going to get a lot more people killed than zombies. When the dead rise, stay calm and use that impossible miracle called the human brain.” Plan long-term! “A lot of people think guns are the key to surviving the apocalypse, but by week three, all those Mad Max wannabes will be on their knees giving hand jobs for raw potatoes.” Keep the dog! “Your girlfriend’s noisy mutt might be giving you away, but if you kill it to save yourself, you’re obviously a cat person and will not be on my team.” Get fit! “It’s never too soon to start getting fit. Even if zombies don’t take over the world, who wants to be killed by high cholesterol?”

If you live with your other half, these gabing malamig can turn the bedroom from a sex palace into that place you marathon TV series in while eating your bodyweight in junk food. To reclaim your boudoir, banish all tablets, phones, and laptops from the room, leave the angry work-related rants at the office, and stock up on candles and massage oil. You’ll both be raring to go before you know it. If all else fails, drink alcohol.

It might be more miserable than Rick Grimes outside, but a whole slew of top-quality TV shows are returning to our screens to make up for it. Just time to get up to speed with these classics

The Walking Dead

The sixth season starts this month, so if you still think this is a show about dudes on extreme diets mumbling “braaaaains,” you need to take a long hard look at yourself in the mirror.

The Knick

Clive Owen gives his best ever performance as a cocaine-addicted New York surgeon in this turn-of-the-century drama. Eve Hewson—aka Bono’s daughter—is another reason to catch up on season two.

Homeland

Forget about the season 3 misfire. After the return to form of season 4, season 5 moves the action to Berlin. Make sure you know your “dead drops” from your “doublespeak.”

09 EAT LIKE A cHAMpIon

Takeaways are well and good, but grocery-hoarded whole foods that need little to no prep time in the kitchen are even better. Take these items for size…

Tablea

Yes, coffee is good, but is easily a more warming ‘ber beverage. Divide cacao tablets into chunks, plop in boiling water, mix until smooth, and chug. Cheese

Upgrades and livens up any bread (cheese toasts!) and cracker (fancy hors d’ouvres). Who cares if it’s basically coagulated cow discharge? Yum. Ice cream

No one cares if it’s cold out. It’s ice cream. Add melted cacao over it and no ‘ber month will ever be considered cold. Chocolates

Endorphins-laced so it should make you and your lady feel good. Extra sweet for her, extra dark for you.

ExTRA-LonG booKS

These paper “devices” have been entertaining readers for centuries. With the rain hammering down outside, now’s your chance to get in on the act The cozy night in: Tree of Smoke, Denis Johnson (National Bookstore) Length: 624 pages

Johnson specializes in tough, masculine writing, covering everything from drifters to spies, secrets and safe houses. His trippy 2007 novel exploring CIA involvement in the Vietnam war might just be the pinnacle. The long weekend: Underworld, Don DeLillo (National Bookstore) Length: 832 pages

Heavyweights of American fiction don’t get much heavier than Don DeLillo’s greatest novel. It explores US history via the journey of a famous baseball game and greater men than us have tried—and failed—to reach the final full stop. The week off work: The My Struggle series by Karl Ove Knausgaard (National Bookstore) Length: 3,600 pages

It takes major cojones to assume your life story is worth stretching over six volumes. Writing with brutal honesty about family and relationships, that’s exactly what Norwegian author Knausgard does.