OISTL Summer 2020

SUMMER 2020 I VOLUME 3 I ISSUE 3

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THE ILLUSTRIOUS INFLUENCERS | VEGA REPRESENTS OUR DRAG CAPITAL | NO GROUNDS FOR SHAME

Miss Gay Missouri America presents the

2020 Influence Issue

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A magazine exploring and celebrating

PHOTO BY CHRIS ANDOE

and celebrating the LGBTQ community in St. Louis ity in St. Louis Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Chris Andoe

ating Andoe

E D I T O R I A L Associate Editor Melissa Meinzer Director of Social Media Elizabeth Van Winkle Contributing Writers Mark Asher, Joss Barton, Patrick Collins,

Sage Freeman, Joshua Phelps, Elizabeth Van Winkle, Terry Willits A L Editor at Large Doyle Murphy a Meinzer olene Gosha A R T Art Director Evan Sult Collins, Patrick Collins, Contributing Photographers Justin Lehman, Monica Mileur, ncy Fuller, Dera Luce, Theo Welling, Ronald Wagner empleton, Cami Thomas, P R O D U C T I O N Westhoff Production Manager Haimanti Germain Fenske

M U LT I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy

LETTER FROM THE A SSO CIATE EDITOR:

MELISSA MEINZER

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his letter started off a lot differently when I first wrote it a few months back. I wanted to tell you all Sult about our exquisite Influence Awards event and elling, Susan Bennet, our fruitful collaboration with the Miss Gay MisC I R C U L A T I O N ca Mileur, Sharon Knotts, Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers souri Miss America Pageant. I wanted to invite you nnoura E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P to be part of that enchanted evening.

Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman And then…

O N Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner Human Resources Director Lisa Beilstein ack Beil In our new and weird pandemic reality, social disVP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein Creative Director Tom Carlson tancing precludes much in the way of in-person celebration. We were sorry www.euclidmediagroup.com V E R T I S I N G O E Influto push this issue back, and we’re beyond bummed Cnot N Dour H RtoI SseeA all n Bell N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G encers and their people, dressed to the nines and turned up to eleven.

VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, www.voicemediagroup.com Criswell, Erica Kenney But party-related sadness aside, we’re still extremely proud to bring you Jennifer Samuel Out In STL is published quarterly this issue. Our original slate of Influencers still deserves celebration.

by Euclid Media Group l Gaines, Jackie Mundy Verified Audit Member These folks have pivoted and figured out how to continue lifting each e Richard Out In STL other up and holding space for each other, even while staying far apart.

308 N. 21st Street, Suite 300, I O N We’re honoring artists, teachers, social servants and all manner of St. Louis, MO 63103 n G. Powers www.outinstl.com folks who saw a need and instead of saying “someone ought to …” said “I’m going to …” We hope you’ll be inspired by their roll-up-yourGeneral information: 314-754-5966 G R O U P Fax administrative: 314-754-5955 sleeves approach to improving and uplifting our community.

Fax editorial: 314-754-6416 drew Zelman New thisEND year, we’ve got a Lifetime Influence Award to hand out, HE YEAR’S is always a time of dichotomies: outraing, Michael Wagner Founded in 2017 recognizing the one and only Joan Lipkin for her tireless activism Lisa Beilstein geousthrough indulgence starting at Halloween and lasting many means, including her beloved theater. Editor in Chief acy Volhein Carlson Christhe Andoe has the tea onfollowed what makes by her tick. through New Year, resolute promises to up.com We’ve also got the goods on the MGMA pageant and we’ve paid a visit live on kale, water and spin classes the day the calendar to Shameless Grounds to find out just how coffee can be sex positive.

E R T I S I N G flips over.

It’s aJustin timeLehman for reflection, forgave new growth Photographers and Theo Welling our subjects the and w.voicemediagroup.com supermodel treatment: Lehman’s dazzling cover shot of Vega leaves us for looking ahead. mesmerized, and Welling’s portraits capture the essence of our Influencers. quarterly I’m feeling like 2019 going a good yeartogether for ussoon. here in St. Louis.

Sois join us andto digbe in. We’ll celebrate Meanwhile, stay roup safe out there. mber I’m looking forward to Out in STL’s continued presence, to maintaining

LETTER FROM THE EDITOR:

MELISSA MEINZER

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the privilege of covering our community: the good, the bad and the ugly.

Speaking of, this issue’s chock full of all of it. Our indefatigable editor in chief Chris Andoe dives deep into the meth crisis, examining the insidious tentacles it stretches through all our lives. Raconteur Patrick COVER PHOTO OF VEGA BY JUSTIN LEHMAN Collins embeds with the GateKeepers, our city’s fantastic (and gay AF) men’s flat track roller derby squad. It’s bottoms up for K. Templeton SUMMER 2020 FA L L 2 0 1 8 with the magnificent Divas of the Grove, and she’s also got the details on SWITCH’s focus on party over profits. We’re proud to have a new voice

Out in STL is available free of charge, limited to one copy per reader. Additional copies of the current issue may be purchased for $1.00 plus postage, payable in advance at the Out in STL office. Out in STL may be distributed only by Out in STL authorized distributors. No person may, without prior written permission of Out in STL, take more than one copy of each Out in STL weekly issue.

uite 300, 103 m

The entire contents of Out in STL are copyright 2018 by Out in STL, LLC. No portion may be reproduced in whole or in part by any means, including electronic retrieval systems, without the expressed written permission of the Publisher, Out in STL, 308 N. 21st Street, Suite 300, St. Louis, MO 63103. Please call the Out in STL office for back-issue information, 314-754-5966.

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queen of the drag capital INSIDE THE WHIRLWIND EXPERIENCE OF COMPETING IN THE MISS GAY MISSOURI AMERICA PAGEANT

BY C OL IN M U RPH Y, # BO OM MAG A ZINE

“As a contestant you must be prepared to win, and you must be prepared to lose. Some think that their placement determines their worth and I couldn’t disagree more. Whether you are top five or last, this one contest will not define who you are as a person or a performer.”

—Vega, Miss Gay Missouri America 2019

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he theme for the soon-to-be rescheduled 47th annual Miss Gay Missouri America pageant is “Viva Las Vega.” It’s an homage to the reigning MGMA 2019, Vega (John Michael Tabakian), who will give up the crown after a banner year as our state’s symbol of excellence. Pattaya Hart, Miss Gay America 2020 is expected to co-star.

The theme for the soon-to-be rescheduled 47th annual Miss Gay Missouri America pageant is “Viva Las Vega.” It’s an homage to the reigning MGMA 2019, Vega (John Michael Tabakian), who will give up the crown after a banner year as our state’s symbol of excellence. Pattaya Hart, Miss Gay America 2020 is expected to co-star.

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Indeed, drag doesn’t get much better than this. With its marquee of performers and top-tier contestants, expect a lavish production and epic battle of the state’s top female illusionists.

A South Carolina native, Vega got her start in drag ten years ago after winning a local talent show at a Charleston bar and being asked to join their cast. But it wasn’t until Vega moved to St. Louis in 2018 that Vega is crowned she got bitten by the pageant bug. She won Ms. Gay Missouri the title of Miss Gay Springfield, which proAmerica 2019. pelled the former competitive dancer to the COURTESY state pageant and on to nationals. #BOOM MAGAZINE “It was kind of a whirlwind to be honest,” says Vega. “All the prep and practicing and stoning that went into my package was as stressful as it was exciting. And then the pageant happened, and I felt so at ease because I had prepared so much for that moment. I still remember being in shock when they called my name as the winner, and it has been one of the proudest moments in my drag life.”

One of Vega’s favorite stories to tell is why she chose her stage name. While Vega is the brightest star in Lyra, it isn’t the FA L L 2 0 1 8

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brightest in the night sky, and that’s ever-present in Vega’s mind as a firm believer that there’s always room to improve.

“I am not one of those that think I am the best drag queen out there, and I continue to work on myself and Vega on a regular basis,” she explains. “Coming into this system and representing a great state came with a lot of responsibility and a tremendous amount of pride. I’ve now experienced pageants as a competitor and as an administrator, and that knowledge has become an invaluable asset in my career. Winning has also made me step up my performance level. I strive to always be my best and present someone who others can look up to.”

ST. LOUIS DRAG CAPITAL In 2018, St. Louis became the permanent home of the national Miss Gay America pageant, joining fellow “drag capitals,” including Louisville (Entertainer of the Year), Chicago (Continental) and Dallas (USofA). Vega sums up our city’s appeal with one word: diversity.

“I am from the south and had only seen one kind of drag, but coming to St. Louis and witnessing the whole spectrum was an overwhelming but eye-opening experience,” Vega recalls.

“I realized that not everyone does what I do and that was okay.

St. Louis truly has a place for every type of performer.”

Last year was Vega’s first trip to nationals, and she dazzled audiences with her Britney impersonation, taking home the Miss Gay America Lady Barbara Award (best overall contestant not in the top ten). Vega hopes to return to the big dance. “But let’s just get through Miss Gay Missouri first.”

This year, sixteen contestants who qualified in preliminary contests from across the state will compete for one of Missouri’s oldest female impersonation crowns (Miss Fannie’s Ball, running strong since the 1960s, holds the record). The divas will duel it out in the categories of presentation, interview, evening gown, on-stage question and talent (the latter often includes sets, back up dancers and choreography) throughout MGMA weekend.

A LEGACY OF EXCELLENCE Founded in October 1973 by “River Queen” Lana Kuntz, the very foundation of MGMA pageantry is cemented in St. Louis LGBTQ history. Born from the Mandrake Society’s annual Halloween Ball, the first contest consisted only of a walk-on gown and talent competition. But almost instantly the pageant born from the city’s first LGBTQ rights organization produced a platform that many a drag performer embraced to serve their community.

In 1974, Lana’s twin brother and fellow “River Queen” Donna Drag took over the fledgling franchise, crowning a host of dynamic performers. Five years later, the baton was handed to “Sex, Inc.” The comedy drag trio produced the pageant for the next eight years, turning MGMA into the largest attended LGBTQ event in St. Louis. For three years running, the pageant attracted more than 1,000 people and the quality of contestants

“I am from the South and had only seen one kind of drag, but coming to St. Louis and witnessing the whole spectrum was an overwhelming but eye-opening experience. I realized that not everyone does what I do and that was okay.

St. Louis truly has a place for every type of performer.” kept pace with the ever-growing crowds.

MGMA has been owned by a number of entities since 1987 — from the Miss Gay Missouri Alumni, and Daniel Flier (Vanessa Vincent, MGMA 1982) and Chuck Atteberry (Sex, Inc.) — to Joie DiMercurio (Tumara Mahorning, MGMA 1992). For the past ten years, the MGMA Alumni Association has owned and operated the pageant. (The Board consists of several former MGMAs and the reigning title holder).

The duties of MGMA mirror those of the national title holder — the winner of the coveted sash and crown not only performs at but administrates the system’s many preliminaries throughout the Show Me State.

“As a new resident to the state, I was eager to get out and just see everything,” says Vega. “Along with my regular job, drag has afforded me the opportunity to do just that. I have thoroughly enjoyed not only performing in different cities but making connections with fellow performers and fans alike.”

Still, being MGMA isn’t all air-kisses and roses. According to Vega, it’s important to have a strong support system.

“There are so many out there that root for you to succeed, but when you do, have nothing but negativity to give,” offers Vega. “I used to think that I had thick skin and could just brush things off, but this year I leaned on my husband Ryan more than ever. I learned that it’s okay not to be the rock all the time, and I am so fortunate to have someone in my life that can take up that responsibility when I am unable. I hope that I have left behind at least a little inspiration,” Vega concludes. “For anyone out there that sees a pageant and says, ‘I want to try that one day,’ because that is exactly how I felt at one time. I hope that people will remember me as a kind person even in the face of adversity, and I hope that I can offer support and guidance to our new incoming MGMA as well to the system for years to come.”

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our 2020 influence awards P ORT R A IT S BY TH EO WELLI NG except photo of Basil Kincaid by Adrian Octavius Walker, and Grayson Chamberlain courtesy Grayson Chamberlain.

Assistance by Trenton Almgren-Davis and Will Driscoll.

Design by Evan Sult.

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ur editorial team assembled this list of influencers in January, before COVID-19, the subsequent financial collapse, and well before the seismic shift in the discussion on policing and race spurred by the murder of George Floyd. The world is a very different place than it was six months ago.

We are proud to say that our honorees have met the moment. Nicci Kincer and the Board of Alton Pride, for example, took the funds they raised for their festival and donated them to the Alton Food Crisis Center. Many others, with activist Alex Cohen at the top of that list, have been in the streets fighting for change.

Our influencers represent all corners of our community, and include those who having been pushing the envelope for decades, like our Lifetime Influencer Joan Lipkin, and young and innovative folks like Grayson Chamberlain, who made national news for the clothing library he co-founded, which helps students find outfits that match their gender identity.

Substance abuse remains a dire problem, so we honor Brandon Reid and Christine Elbert for their work helping those in recovery, and we share Jeff Small’s inspiring comeback story.

Each of these influencers has shaped our community, and we are better off for their efforts.

CHRIS ANDOE

LADYASHLEY GREGORY A

“THERE’S NO LIBERATION for some of us without liberation for all of us,” says LadyAshley Gregory.

Kentucky-born and St. Louis raised, Gregory carries the torch of activism and community everywhere she goes on her “simply human” journey. She’s got a family lineage of speaking truth to power — the late civil rights activist and writer Dick Gregory was her great-uncle.

It is the acknowledgment of her own humanity, Gregory says, that has helped her on her journey of learning about the practice of speaking up for those who don’t yet — or may not ever — have the voice to stand against various oppressions.

With a gentle push from the universe, Gregory began to grow conscious of our ever-changing world, focusing on queer youth in the streets and their lack of safe spaces to dance, dine, lounge and just

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be. She saw it especially for queer trans people of color (QTPOC).

So, in 2016, she became the first cisgender member of the board of the Metro Trans Umbrella Group (MTUG), where she serves as the leader of QTPOC:STL. As she prepares to step into a new role as director of community partnerships within her occupation, Gregory will facilitate and foster partnerships through honest and earnest conversations about various conflicts and concerns that affect our community.

When she’s not working to dismantle systems of oppression and speaking truth to power, Gregory enjoys the comforts of the outdoors, dancing her heart away, loving on her pets and amazing naps.

She has come to realize that her voice carries power, and she isn’t afraid to wield it. After watching and listening to her great-uncle stand for what he believed was right, it wasn’t too difficult to imagine LadyAshley Gregory following close behind in the footsteps that preceded her.

For Gregory, intersectionality informs her activism and is ever-present in our community.

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“It’s OK to have a focus,” she says. “Realize that other oppressions play off of one another.”

Her words couldn’t be truer — every single day, new identities and sexualities are being identified and many exist outside of the binary.

Mix in the need for racial and socioeconomic equity, and you have a melting pot of family that, more often than not, shares many of the same inequities that cast them out in the first place.

“We can learn from our chosen families,” Gregory says of the varying intersections we all bring to the table. And speaking of intersectionality, Gregory is preparing to conduct a keynote address on intersectional feminism (the name of the organization is private) and its impact in today’s predominantly patriarchal, white and heteronormative world, and how it especially pertains to QTPOC. Being that feminism tends to try to wipe away the legitimate struggles of trans women, it is amazing that Gregory has the honor of exercising her influence; it is imperative that we destroy the narrative that trans women — especially trans women of color — have no place in feminism.

With more of our queer youth discovering and rediscovering themselves and finding a place to simply belong, Gregory believes in creating safer spaces for our youth to flourish and blossom.

One example of how she works to build a safer space for QTPOC is by standing as co-facilitator for the support group QTPOC:STL, which

came about after the murder of Michael Brown and the ensuing Ferguson uprising. The group is for those who identify as QTPOC and are looking for solace, community and support.

Other ways that Gregory makes an impact is by continuously bringing awareness to various intersectional groups and how they play off of one another, working with MTUG and continuing to break down barriers and forge connections.

Gregory says that we humans are “always waking up and continuing on the path of enlightenment.”

Unlearning certain behaviors, biases and hurtful notions in a particularly patriarchal, heteronormative and Eurocentric society are of the utmost importance if we are to ever truly understand ourselves, understand others and understand ourselves IN others, she says.

Much of our community is queer youth exploring themselves and the world around them, and so they look up to the older generation for guidance and understanding.

Given that, I asked LadyAshley Gregory for a piece of advice she would have given her younger self.

“Trust your guts,” she says. “Your feelings are valid, but determine how you feel and why.”

Trust yourself and know that there is no one right path to take on the journey of self-discovery. Know that your heart and being is special because it is all YOURS; it is there to guide you. And, she says, “you were made to be here.”

SAGE FREEMAN & MELISSA MEINZER

BASIL KINCAID THE

OUTSIDE BASIL KINCAID’S porch, the skies are wet with rain-soaked clouds, but the chill of another winter day ends outside the door. Inside the white cottage, a rainbow of technicolor fabrics line the wooden walls and floors. Deep violet velvets, bleached denims and moss green textiles mix with the sounds of low-fi instrumental jazz and spring bird chirps as Basil pedals a sewing needle across narrow strips of earth-toned corduroys. Basil sits at a brightly lit sewing table wearing pink socks, black shorts and a black cotton sweatshirt inscribed with the word WORTHY in pink sparkle font.

When asked how the past years of awards, residencies and global art shows has changed Basil, the clacking stops on a smile.

“It feels like I’m playing again,” says Basil.

“I felt at odds with making art as a job for the first time. I’ve always worked harder at

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art than any other job I’ve had, but now it feels natural and effortless. I’m trusting my intuition.”

It is that artist’s intuition that resonates so deeply in Basil’s work. The worlds Basil creates are patchworks of black generational reclamations of black grandmothers sewing, of black cotton farmer grandfathers and of the suffering, survival and resilience of the black diaspora in America through the mediums of quilting, photography, collage and performance art.

“I don’t feel making art is a choice,” says Basil. “People may sell it, but this was in us before people called it art.”

Basil’s collages began after teaching a collage unit to middle school kids in New Orleans.

“I thought these kids should learn about collage, and I wanted them to see examples

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of black people being artists,” says Basil.

“They started breaking conventions and creating collages of their own. I was entirely inspired by those kids.”

This led Basil to cutting and arranging images with photography instead of glue, resulting in surrealist galaxies imposed on black faces, bombs of floral patterns, and high-fashion ghosts haunting cities, fields and woods.

The sewing machine continues clacking as the topic spindles into the spiritual realm of dreams.

“The quilting started with a dream,” says Basil.

“I was walking through the streets of St. Louis as l felt a sensation leading me. I saw my grandmother, Eugenia Kincaid, standing on the porch of a two-story red brick house, and out of her body flowed a yellow aura of FA L L 2 0 1 8

gold liquid light. Her energy force washed over me in waves, and behind her the whole house was wrapped in a quilt. The next day, I asked a friend to teach me how to sew.”

Basil explains how quilting work stitches a sense of belonging to home.

“I keep this tradition alive, because the women throughout my family for generations made quilts, but in my generation, nobody was doing it,” says Basil.

“My art is a reflection and an uplifting of my family. I want these women who were never regarded as renowned artists to have the respect they deserve. Carrying the quilt is having them with me.”

Basil’s materials are donated fabrics or found thrifted secondhand clothing and sometimes even manifest into what Basil titles self-portrait quilts made from cut and stitched scraps of Basil’s old clothes.

Basil’s work has been shown across the world from New York City to Greece to Dallas to London to Ghana and of course across the arts community of St.Louis where Basil feels most inspired.

“The city itself has an energy level that is unmatched,” says Basil. “I fight the idea that as an artist you have to go somewhere else to get what you want.”

Basil also defines these works as cultural practices, rituals and ceremonies that centers generational memories tied to black experi-

ences of family, labor and self-love under capitalism.

We talk of how art has the ability to not only empower us but to heal us.

“Art is a particle exchange,” says Basil.

“It makes you feel less alone. It is a sense that there is more to you than what exists in the body. There is a lot of beauty, joy and peace into putting action into the belief that reclaiming self-worth is enough. Art is just one aspect of that.”

Basil stops sewing, and the room becomes silent with deep reflection and emotion as Basil rolls the rusted red and brown fabrics between fingers.

“In the face of fear doing what your spirit is called to do, that feels really good, and I don’t want to squander any moment of it.”

Basil becomes silent as the clacks of the sewing machine start again. JOSS BARTON

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ALEX COHEN E NVIRONMENTAL

AT THE AGE of 24, Alex Cohen has organized more marches and actions than many older LGBTQIA folks have been to in their entire lives. Even if you’re not the kind of person to be found on the front lines of a protest, you may have noticed Cohen around town. His big smile, political T-shirts and long locks don’t jive with the “I am a gay male St. Louisan” uniform. His music taste wanes away from diva worship and leans toward some sort of String Cheese Incident.

“I like to go out and dance, but you can’t find community at the gay bars in St. Louis,” Cohen relates. “I often don’t feel welcome in these spaces with the assimilated white gays.”

At the time of this writing, Cohen was organizing with other St. Louis activists to stop the “U.S. Border Patrol Invitational,” a rodeo being used as a tool to recruit for Immigration and

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Customs Enforcement and the Border Patrol. Other actions he’s organized and been involved with include the stalled cleanup of the West Lake Landfill and the Dakota Access Pipeline where hundreds of protesters were arrested, pepper sprayed and injured by police dogs during the winter of 2016-2017.

A passionate advocate for the environment, Cohen is unsettled that the local LGBTQIA community doesn’t take climate change seriously and doesn’t see the intersections between injustice issues.

He wants other cis white gay men to know that “we experience the most comfort in this community, so we have harder times seeing others’ struggles. We often end up leaving them out. Our history is that we fought against these systems that oppress us, and we have anti-war and anti-capitalist roots, and we’re losing sight of that.”

ELIZABETH VAN WINKLE

JAMES LESCH A

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WITH MORE THAN a decade of front-row involvement in St. Louis’ queer community, James Lesch, 34, feels right at home in the thick of things. At the same time, in spite of the fact that there is almost always something brewing, he’s widely known – and respected – for his ability to stay above the fray.

Two years ago, Lesch left the legendary queer publication Vital Voice and joined St. Louis Effort for AIDS, which was integrated into Vivent Health last year.

Lesch leads fundraising for the organization, which he believes sets the standard for providing integrated services, all under one roof, to those living with HIV. “We have an onsite pharmacy, which is important to people who

need their prescription filled but don’t have transportation,” he says.

Lesch first immersed himself in the city’s queer community when he moved to the heart of St. Louis from the suburbs in 2008. As a teenager in suburban Oakville, after being fired from a part-time restaurant job for not showing, his parents, restaurant owners themselves, explained to his boss that they were trying to teach him a work ethic. When he returned to work, he overheard someone asking about “that no-show guy.” Years later, employed as a doorman at Erney’s 32 in the Grove, Jimmy No Show was born when the house DJ failed to show, and a bartender who knew Jimmy’s appreciation for music asked him to fill in on fly. He insists he owes his DJ career to the crash course provided by Billboard-reporting DJ Danny Morris. After graduating from St. Louis University, he became an intern at Vital Voice, where he rose through the ranks from being the squirrel mascot to publisher and partner.

Over the course of his decade at Vital Voice, the world changed dramatically. “I’m part of the last generation that had to go to gay bars for a sense of community, connections and support,” he says.

“Sometimes that meant coming to the table with people you maybe weren’t wild about. I had to learn to understand that even though everyone’s not on the same page, we’re all in this together.”

Does Lesch believe that the Internet and the proliferation of “the apps” have destroyed the gay community? Absolutely not. But he acknowledges a palpable tension among those with differing views. As usual, Lesch empathizes with almost all perspectives, but he stridently avoids being in the midst of community spats. While he respects the passion and commitment that often fuel Facebook brawls, he resists chiming in. “I used to be very quick to rush to someone’s defense, or take sides,” he says. These days he prefers connecting with friends, such as Jordan Braxton, Christine Elbert and Joan Lipkin – also Out in STL honorees. “They are three of my rocks who help me process my feelings so that I don’t need to use the Internet as a diary,” he says.

“When I left Vital Voice and came here I put a lot of thought into that transition, and I trusted their experience and wisdom absolutely.

And he’s never been happier. “I absolutely love this job, the people and the work we do,” he says.

Like nearly everyone else, Lesch is now living — and working — in a world that’s radically different than it was just a few months ago.

Since mid-March, Vivent’s clinic has become an emergency-only facility, the food pantry and pharmacy have transitioned to delivery services, and everyone is working remotely.

“Being a public health organization, we’re putting public health first and foremost,” Lesch says matter of factly. “I’m really proud of how our team came together to make sure everyone living with HIV had uninterrupted access to service. It speaks to how dedicated we are to the community and the people we serve.”

Like many organizations, Vivent has cancelled all of its events until further notice. That includes Dining Out for Life, the agency’s signature event, which Lesch says was all but ready to go when the pandemic hit.

Fundraising, he says, is more important than ever. “We can’t offer a boozy night out or a fun dinner, but we still need support,” Lesch says.

Donations can be made at www.viventhealth.org/give.

PATRICK COLLINS

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MARK MOORE S O CIALIZER

“TAKING THE TIME to smile at someone and say hello can change them. Doing something this simple can sometimes make or break a life,” says Mark Moore, whose profile has been rising in the LGBT+ community since 2011. Moore speaks with positivity and high energy during our conversation. We talk about his roles in the LGBT+ community, including as a photographer and organizer.

“I learned to showcase certain people who aren’t normally selected for photographs,” Moore says. “I choose people who aren’t typically in the spotlight, and I look for connections between people and moments of authenticity and bonding.”

Moore’s company, Takemoorepics, has photographed Pride, Mr. Leather and many LGBTQ+ weddings. He directs

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his team not to photograph the hottest body, but to look for the opportunities that capture the most diversity.

Moore divorced last year, and he needed an outlet for self-healing while rediscovering himself as single.

“I found a happy hour online, and I went and talked with the organizer of the Gay Men’s Social Group, which was pretty inactive at the time. I know lots of people, and I like to be in the know about groups meeting and having events. I became one of the moderators.

“About ten of us keep Gay Men’s Social flowing and moving in the right directions,” Moore explains. “The group is about sparking meaningful friendships with like-minded people, and there’s no age limit or certain status.” Moore emphasizes the Gay Men’s Social Group stands by the premise that it is not a hookup group.

The group creates a network for people to participate in organized activities.

“Activities are not always

bar-centric,” Moore says,“and we have a Spanish-speaking subgroup, men’s yoga, a book club and gamers that have all come out of the bigger group.” The group also highlights activities in other areas of the metropolitan area including dinners in St. Charles and bowling in Illinois.

“The group also focuses on charitable work. This past New Year’s Eve, we had a successful event that raised money for PAWS,” he says. “That’s the one night everyone wants something to do, but many have nothing to do. Ticket sales were 175 to 200 people. It was casual, no expectations, with a friendly environment to meet new friends. People wore everything from fancy and embellished sports coats to hoodies to shorts. A portion of the proceeds will go toward funding our Pride float,” Moore says. For the event, the organizers attracted LGBTQ+ businesses to host, design the floral arrangements and DJ. “I shook hands, talked with and got to know as many people as I could, even though I was working, and we plan to do it again next New Year’s Eve.” he says. In February, the group hosted a Valentine’s dinner at the Spaghetti Factory for 50 couples and singles.

More than a decade ago, this upbeat and energetic man directed his attention, time and talents to his hometown LGBTQ+ community. With hard work, determination and a philosophy of just being kind, smiling and meeting people, Moore has become a key figure in the St. Louis LGBTQ+ community.

MARK ASHER

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NICCI KINCER PRIDE

WITH

IT WAS THE early ’90s when a fourteen-year-old Nicci Kincer came out of the closet. And what she found outside that closet was hostility and fear — and, ultimately, inspiration for her life’s work of making the way easier for the kids coming out today.

“Back then if you were gay, you were the reason AIDS existed,” says Kincer. “The social environment for young people was very bad.

There wasn’t anything for us in the way of support or education. I, like

P U RP OSE

many other young LGBTQ+, didn’t have a supportive family, and high school was a nightmare.”

With no resources or support, Kincer’s day-to-day life was a struggle.

The help that finally came changed the course of her life.

“To be honest, I wanted to die, and I might have if it hadn’t been for the high school psychologist named Harriet Grazmen,” says Kincer. “She slid me the name and number of an LGBTQ+ youth group called Growing American Youth. Had the administration found out, she probably would have lost her job. That youth group saved my life and planted this seed.”

That seed is the desire to be there for kids the way some adults were there for her when she was young and afraid. As the president of Metro East Pride, Kincer had a conversation with Bubby & Sissy’s owner Michael Paynic last summer about what they’d each like to see in a local Pride organization. The two were on the same page; they wanted a festival that prioritized community services for our youth.

The result was the two longtime friends founding Alton Pride.

“We want to build a community center equipped with emergency shelter for short-term stay,” Kincer says. “We want to be able to provide whatever resources and support a young person might need in a crisis situation as well as support in the long term.”

Fifty years after Stonewall, Kincer finds it alarming and unacceptable that we still lose so many LGBTQ+ kids to suicide. As she, Paynic, and the board of Alton Pride see it, any celebration should simply be a vehicle to raise resources to help.

“The fight doesn’t stop with marriage equality. It stops when we secure a healthy and prosperous future for our youth,” she says. “One in which turning to self destructive behaviors and/or suicide is never an option.”

CHRIS ANDOE

Alton Pride’s first festival was slated for October 3 at the Alton Amphitheatre, but has been pushed back to 2021 due to the pandemic.

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CHRISTINE ELBERT “ L E S B IAN

J E SUS”

IN 2010, CHRISTINE Elbert was walking through the Pride Festival with a friend, and it took her 45 minutes to get through the throngs of folks wanting to say hello. Impatient to get another drink, the friend quipped, “We gotta wait for Lesbian Moses over here parting the Red Sea.” Somehow, “Lesbian Moses” quickly morphed into “Lesbian Jesus,” and the moniker stuck, perhaps because of how effectively it reflects her role in the community.

Today, Elbert is a 53-year-old lesbian, a feminist and a mother figure to many trying to find their way in the world. Sober for 32 years, Elbert is widely known for helping lift people up when they’re at rock bottom.

“Elbert saved my life,” asserts Kendal Hillman. “She won’t take credit for it, she just tells me I did the work and glosses over the part about her showing me the way. That’s the beauty of Christine.” Hillman goes on to say, “She opens her heart and her home to those who need her, and all she asks in return is honesty and a willingness to do the right thing. She doesn’t do it for the recogni-

tion, and I can only imagine her level of discomfort hearing how impactful she truly has been. Christine loves wholeheartedly because it’s who she is, and in turn, she teaches the next generation how to take care of each other. The world is, and will continue to be, a

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better place because of Christine Elbert.”

Elbert speaks of chosen family and hopes that the young gays, lesbians, transgender and nonbinary humans who are expanding our rainbow umbrella understand that none of us has all the answers and that we need to work together to create our safe spaces.

Our lesbian feminists — our Christines, if you will — stood shoulder to shoulder toe to toe with their trans sisters of color to ignite the modern LGBT rights movement, cared for and then lost friends to AIDS in the early ’80s and ’90s, fought to overturn the Defense of Marriage Act and aligned with their sisters to participate in simultaneous women’s marches across the world; they paved the way for us.

“When you are asked to help, you say, ‘Yes.’” Elbert lives by this. She reminds herself to step up and continues to find inspiration in the actions of our elders and the wisdom of others. Elbert shares these words from Antoine de Saint-Exupery: “It is only with the heart that one can see rightly; what is essential is invisible to the eye.”

And she asks you, “What can you do to help?” TERRY WILLITS AND CHRIS ANDOE

JEFF SMALL THE

C OMEBAC K

WE’D BE HARD PRESSED to think of a local LGBTQ+ celebrity who fell as far and as publicly as Jeff Small. A household name in St. Louis due to his years as a KDSK reporter and anchor, his January 2018 drug arrest made for shocking headlines and viral posts.

While his life had seemed ideal on the surface, the crash was a long time coming.

What began as a daily coke habit in 2005 morphed into a meth addiction in 2013. “I was lost in every sense of the word” Small says.

By the time he tried meth for the first time, his unreliability had already cost him his job, and he felt no other news organization would hire him. He was able to find other high-profile positions, like his role as media relations director for the City of Ferguson, a post he maintained from 2015-2017.

The arrest took place more than a week prior to the news breaking. “Drugs have to be sent off for testing” Small begins.

“I was already released and hadn’t told anyone about it, and then a friend called to tell me the St. Louis Post-Dispatch released my mug shot, and I was devastated. I looked high in the picture. Then it was nonstop calls and texts. I went to the best attorney in town, Travis Noble, and he said he’d get me through this but it wasn’t going to be easy.”

Small says Drug Court was hell. “They own you.”

He failed multiple drug tests and spent more time behind bars. “I didn’t see that I was an addict. I still thought it was manageable, that I could just do it less. I wasted hundreds of dollars on

Golden Seal and other ways to beat the tests.”

After eight months of false starts, Small decided to get serious and make drastic changes. “After six months of staying clean, I saw that it was possible.”

January 21, 2020, marked one year being drug-free, and since then he’s been on a media blitz to tell his story. “I want to put a face to meth and show that there’s a way out. Meth doesn’t give a shit about color or education. It’s an equal opportunity destroyer. It’s a sick, sick way of living.”

The stories Small tells of life on meth are bleak. “If there were six of you doing drugs together, four would be homeless. Several would be [HIV] positive with no meds. Nobody had a car…”

Starting over from the bottom, Small still doesn’t have a car of his own but is rich in the renewed relationships with his partner, his father and his friends. And in his newfound purpose.

His message to the LGBTQ+ community is as simple as it is stark: “Party and play is killing us.”

CHRIS ANDOE

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JOAN LIPKIN L IFETIME

IT’S ABOUT 5:30 A.M. and I’m up early trying to finish the final task of the massive, unwieldy undertaking that is the Out in STL Influence Issue: a profile on theater guru and activist Joan Lipkin.

“You’re writing the Joan piece? Good luck with that,” laughs a mutual friend I will not name.

So much has already been written about her over the last three decades, and rather than churn out another list of her local and global achievements, I aimed to give a more intimate take on who she is and her unique role in our community. To do that, I would begin by talking to those in her orbit.

If I were writing a typical piece, the media savvy Lipkin has everything I could ask for at her fingertips, including high-resolution headshots. She’s also engaged, uber responsible and task-minded, pinging every couple of days and making herself available.

But that’s not where I was going. I reached out to fellow honoree Christine Elbert. She’s a dear friend of Lipkin, and over dinner at playwright Donald Miller’s Maplewood home one evening she shared a few vibrant and amusing tales of her confidant. When I followed up for this piece, she shared the story of their first meeting.

“It was the very early ’90s, and I was a 24-year-old arrogant dyke who was fucking her lighting designer. They were busy preparing for a production at the St. Marcus theater of My Queer Body by Tim Miller, and I stroll in, admittedly uninvited.

“Joan, who was preoccupied, takes one look at me and asks ‘Who are you and what are you doing in my theater?’ I replied, ‘I’m Christine, and that’s my girlfriend. Who are you?’”

AC H IEVEMENT

Elbert said Lipkin had a stunned expression for a brief moment, and then replied, “I’m Joan Lipkin, and you’re in my theater. If you’re going to be in my theater, you’re going to work.”

Elbert spent the next hour or so setting up chairs. Or the next three decades, if we’re speaking figuratively.

“The one thing about Joan is she doesn’t let those around her get too comfortable.

There’s always more to be done,” Elbert says, stressing that Lipkin’s stunned moment wasn’t about a “Don’t you know who I am?” ego. It was legitimate surprise that a homosexual in this town would not know who she was given her groundbreaking work.

I love this anecdote, but Joan doesn’t remember much about it and is pretty certain that it didn’t quite play out that way. This in turn leads to my own 5:30 a.m. anecdote, which you’re hopefully reading.

While in Chicago to give a talk, Joan writes, “I don’t doubt that [Elbert] remembers the story that way but memory is personal and selective. Did she really have that much swagger? Was I really that tough? Maybe I was. We were under great duress and this cutie comes bopping in out of nowhere right before the tech. I hope I have mellowed. But, yes, I’m sure I would have put her to work. I probably still would. And would probably say, please.”

After days of back and forth, I could tell the task of comparing memories was going to be quite cumbersome.

Lipkin, of course, would rather be talking about her history of groundbreaking work, including writing, directing and producing Some of My Best Friends Are…, the first piece of gay and lesbian theater ever in Missouri.

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Written to commemorate the twentieth anniversary of Stonewall, it sold out every performance, even though the St Louis Post-Dispatch initially refused to cover it, saying the content was inappropriate for a family newspaper, and the post office claimed the mailers were obscene.

Lipkin has always been ahead of the curve, producing queer works that were controversial at the time but are mainstream today. As society changed with the advent of marriage equality or the first openly gay candidate running so successfully for president, Lipkin has broadened her focus. While she continues to develop queer work both locally and abroad, she says her concerns have expanded over the years to focus additionally on disability, racism, reproductive choice, gun control, violence, immigration and voting rights and has created projects on all of these pressing contemporary issues.

I see Lipkin as being akin to the school principal of the community, at a time when precious few are considered beyond reproach. I’ve had Facebook threads that have gotten too hot due to people going at it too fiercely. The few occasions Lipkin chimed in to say so, I felt my stomach sink in a way I haven’t experienced since I was a kid. “Oh shit, now Joan’s weighing in. I’m deleting the post altogether!”

Not surprisingly, Joan Lipkin was selected for our Lifetime Influence Award not only for her tireless work, but for that unique moral authority she possesses. This piece fell a bit closer to her vision than to mine, but I’ve got too much on my plate to risk detention. Unlike the ’90s Christine Elbert, I very much know who she is.

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GRAYSON CHAMBERLAIN FASH ION

FIGURING OUT WHAT to wear on a date is tough enough. Throw in a closet full of clothes that don’t reflect your true gender expression (and a strapped student bank account) and the task becomes that much tougher.

Grayson Chamberlain loaned some natty button-downs to a fellow trans man on his dorm floor for a date that was far too fancy for a T-shirt, and the seed for the Queer Closet at Saint Louis University was planted.

For a nominal subscription fee, folks who are exploring their presentation or gender identity — not just SLU students — can make an appointment to browse through the donated apparel and get help with fit and other suggestions.

Like a library, they can check out apparel and borrow more after it’s returned. If they really fall in love with a given piece, they can buy it for a small fee.

Besides just access to gender-affirming clothes, though, a large part of what the Closet offers is a safe space to try something new.

“I came out as trans when I was sixteen,” says Closet co-founder Chamberlain, 21. “Guessing sizes is hard!”

With a few more years of gender-affirming shopping expertise under his belt, he would accompany friends just dipping a toe into the waters of buying an entirely new type of clothes on shopping missions to Target or Walmart, which can be daunting.

“Trans men going into the men’s section get asked, ‘Are you shopping for your boyfriend?’” says Chamberlain.

“Trans women who don’t pass going into the women’s section are thought to be creepy or pervy.”

Trying on clothing that’s not cut for your body in a public dressing room can invite disaster, Chamberlain says.

“It’s stigmatizing on trans women and trans men,” he says.

The Closet, housed in the Rainbow Alliance office at Saint Louis University, does away with all that.

The clothes mostly come by donation and span lots of styles and fashions. It can’t accept underwear, bathing suits or bras without tags, and open makeup doesn’t work, but sealed cosmetics are most welcome — the Closet is working to put together makeup classes for transfeminine folks.

The greatest need, says Cham-

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FIXER

berlain, is for business appropriate clothing.

“They definitely need it specifically because we have these kids who want to be authentic,” he says. “They want to tell their employers, ‘This is who I am,’ before you hire me.”

The Closet doesn’t yet have funds for things like binders, cutlets or packers. But itcan refer clients to the Metro Trans Umbrella Group and help them find the right online tutorials to figure out how to wear those items. “[The Closet] tries to help everyone,” Chamberlain says. “If we don’t have the tools to help you or resources to help you in a way that we think you deserve, we will refer you to MTUG or Pride STL.” Since forming the Closet, Chicago native Chamberlain has stepped away from day-to-day operations to focus on his junior year pursuing a degree in women and gender studies, as well as social work. Fellow students Regis Wilson and Abby Lawrence are more hands-on these days, but Chamberlain’s idea and work setting it up doubtless render him an Influencer.

“You have to be the change you want to see in the world,” he says.

MELISSA MEINZER

BRANDON REID TURNAROU ND

ARTIST

BRANDON REID IS a youthful 33, but don’t let the babyface fool you — he’s packed a lot of life into those years. He puts all of it to good use in his personal and professional quests for bettering his fellow humans.

“I was actually incarcerated,” Reid says. “So, eighteen years old, I caught a couple felony charges and ended up going to prison a few

Reid says.

He works as a housing intake coordinator at Criminal Justice Ministry, a city nonprofit dedicated to helping people recently released from prison access housing and care.

Reid’s life story means he is able to connect with his clients on a visceral level.

“People don’t usually believe me — I look so young. Once I give them a little history, I’m

younger,” Reid says. “We were already shifted into this counterculture. When we joined that community, we find there is such a huge prevalence of substance abuse. Gays do drugs differently! It can be very dark, but it can also be very luxurious at the time.”

A queer-focused recovery space, he says, is important for feeling safe and addressing these unique challenges.

times.” His charges were related to drug use.

“Upon my release, I decided to get clean and go into recovery,” he says. “Social work was a natural fit.”

Such a turbulent entry into adulthood left him uniquely qualified to help others turn their lives around, and his intersecting identities as a gay man, sober addict and formerly incarcerated person help him relate to a population in need: lesbian, gay and bisexual people are incarcerated at three times the rate of the general population, according to a 2017 study by UCLA School of Law. And the Center for Disease Control and Prevention says the LGBTQ population has higher rates of drug and alcohol abuse and addiction.

“My passion is ending mass incarceration,”

able to come down to where they’re at,” he says. “We’re all the same.”

Reid recounted an appointment with a potential client who was actively on methamphetamines.

“To normal people, it would probably freak you out to be with somebody like that,” he says. But Reid is neither shaken nor sitting in judgement: “We’re all one bad decision away.”

Alongside the community work of his day job, Reid serves as an inspiration and example of sobriety after many years clean and working a twelve-step program. Much of his social network centers around recovery as well and began with the LGBT-focused Steps Alano recovery clubhouse in south city.

“A lot of us were bullied when we were

Reid is also on the PrideSTL Board of Directors. After starting as a volunteer four or five years ago, he’s now in his third year as secretary.

“One of the primary things as a gay man I want to do is go out and dance!” Reid says.

“When I got sober I got kinda taken out of that. I wish there were more sober spaces.

With Pride St. Louis, we do that. We have a lot of nondrinking events.”

For his work integrating the most vulnerable members back into society, and for his efforts to keep himself and his community out from under the influence, Brandon Reid is well worthy of the title of Influencer.

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HEATHER BROWN-HUDSON THE

TEAC HER

A FIRED-UP TEACHER who believes in you can make all the difference.

Dr. Heather Brown-Hudson is the chair of the gender studies program at Lindenwood University. Her time there began in 2010, teaching in the French and English departments. In 2013, she pitched a gender studies program, and it took off.

“The program began and I just made myself chair of it — I was driving the boat!” says Brown-Hudson. “It’s a mighty little minor at Lindenwood.”

She’s done a lot of making her own way and advocating for other trailblazers. When a planned TEDx talk at Lindenwood was canceled in 2018 amid controversy over discussing transgender issues, Brown-Hudson got her own TEDx license and took the talk off-campus. She supported a student’s desire to form a Gender & Sexualities Alliance through a year of roadblocks from an administrator she calls a bigot.

“I’ve had a number of students come out to me in my office and

even in class,” Brown-Hudson says. “I treasure the level of safety that they feel in my classroom and my office space.”

Hudson-Brown and her college girlfriend moved to New York City for graduate school and fell in with her older gay cousin who’d lived there for decades, helping the pair form a queer community in the pre-internet big city — a very different experience from today’s hyperconnected young people.

As a femme-presenting cisgender person in a relationship with someone of the opposite sex, sometimes Brown-Hudson’s advocacy reads as allyship rather than membership, so she’s constantly coming out.

“I’m married to a man, but most folks around me know I’m queer,” she says. “I identify as pansexual.”

She’s happy to accept the label of ally when it comes to communities that she’s far outside, like trans and non-binary folks.

“I’m entrenched in the community, I’m dedicated,” she says. “It’s a fine line between advocating for the trans and non-binary community, and just getting out of the way.”

MELISSA MEINZER

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flavors

Free to be you and me SHAMELESS GROUNDS IS A SEX-POSITIVE HAVEN IN SOUTH CITY

I

n the early days of Shameless Grounds, there was confusion.

Michelle Mueller, who co-founded the business with her husband Andrew in 2011, recalls that people were often puzzled over what exactly makes a café sex-positive.

“I think some people expected we were going to make them eat on the floor, or wear a collar or whip them,” she says with a laugh. “When people came in, I think they were often surprised at how normal it is.”

While normal is a loaded term, in this case it’s apt. The café is on the unassuming corner of Lemp and Withnell avenues, south of Arsenal Street on the Benton Park side of Interstate 55. Rather than shielding the interior from passersby, big windows illuminate an interior furnished with a comfy sofa and a tidy spread of tables and chairs. There’s a small stage, bookshelves that are almost floor-to-ceiling and, tucked away in the back, a counter at which one can order from a menu of beverages (alcoholic and non) and what Andrew describes as a fairly standard offering of soups, sandwiches and salads — but with a twist. The ham, pulled pork and bacon on a toasted baguette with barbecue sauce, for example, is known as the Chauvinist Pig. The Ample Breast is a grilled turkey sandwich on wheat bread with bacon and herbed cream cheese. The menu also offers lots of vegetari-

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BY PAT RIC K C OLLINS

an and vegan options.

There are other clues. On top of the bookshelves, dolls reminiscent of Ken and Barbie are doing naughty things. In the restroom, a large poster details the more scintillating aspects of the lives of several historical figures, including Catherine the Great (promiscuity), Strom Thurmond (father out of wedlock) and Amelia Earhart (open marriage).

It is the books, however, that most clearly convey the fact that you’re not at Starbucks. The collection, which can be browsed online at www.shameless.libib.com is overseen by Shameless Grounds’ day manager, who is studying library science. It consists of 1,700 donated volumes and includes fiction, spirituality, memoirs, advice and much more.

Materials can be checked out for up to two weeks with the Shameless Grounds library card.

As is often the case in entrepreneurial ventures, the impetus behind the launch of Shameless Grounds was an unmet need. The Muellers met 22 years ago through the Society for Creative Anachronism (SCA), a Medieval reenactment organization that often gathers in parks and at Renaissance fairs.

They attended monthly camping events, where they found, as Andrew recalls, “a wide variety of humanity and a lot of artistic, progressive thought, and a lot of different sexual expression. Everyone seemed happy to be gathered around the campfire with everyone else.”

The problem was coming back to civilization. As Andrew describes it, the gay folks to gay bars, the kinky people to their BDSM clubs, the heterosexuals to sports bars, and so on. The Muellers and many of their friends were tired of waiting for the monthly campouts to roll around so that they could once again be part of a diverse group whose members were utterly at ease with each other regardless of background.

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Then, about ten years ago, Andrew’s employer let him know that if he wanted to keep his accounting position, he’d have to relocate to Irvine, California, which he thought of as the Clayton or Wildwood of greater Los Angeles. After comparing housing prices, both the Muellers decided against a move.

“I was 43-ish,” says Andrew, who saw his job situation as a sign of sorts. “Opening a coffee shop was an idea we’d toyed with for a while. I figured I had one last hurrah left and wanted to give it a shot before it was too late.”

Both Muellers say their inclination toward launching a sex-positive establishment can be found in their early lives. Michelle is the daughter of a school teacher and an art student who served in Vietnam. She grew up in Dutchtown, “before South Grand was South Grand,” where, instead of football, the family watched Bob Ross paint on Sundays. She went to her first drag show with her mother, who wanted to see one of her friends perform. Andrew, on the other hand, grew up in the suburbs, where he was a cookie-cutter young Republican until college and a stint in the military, to which he credits his openness.

“Instead of being surrounded by like-minded people, I was surrounded by people who were not like me, and we came together to do a job,” he says. “We think of the military as a rule-mongering organization, and it is, but it also takes people from a wide variety of backgrounds and focuses them on a common task.”

Before it opened in April 2011, the concept that would become Shameless Grounds revolved around three pillars: a community center, an outreach/education nonprofit and a rural retreat. Shortly before Shameless Grounds opened, Kendra Holliday garnered national attention when she was fired for her sex-positive blog, www.thebeautifulkind.com.

Andrew says that rather than duplicating efforts, he and Michelle decided to support Holliday and her organization, Sex Positive St. Louis. The dream of establishing a retreat on the property they own south of Cuba, Missouri, is something the Muellers have never completely abandoned, but with all their time and energy going into the business, which is open six days a week, the retreat remains on the back burner.

To see the extent to which the Muellers’ vision of a community center has come to fruition, simply check out the Google calendar at www.shamelessgrounds.com.

“We’re a place where you can come in with your questions, concerns, curiosities,” Andrew says. “We’re a place where you don’t need to feel embarrassed or ashamed.”

That statement is borne out by the sheer volume of events that take place at the café. Sex Positive St. Louis hosts

discussion groups there, but there are plenty of other organizations that take advantage of the space as well. The range of topics discussed and dissected, usually with 40 to 50 participants, is impressive. Recent subjects include herpes, sex over 50, polyamory, kink, sex work, etiquette in the kink scene, anal sex, rope and bondage.

“Anything you can think of, we’ve probably had a discussion about it,” says Michelle. In addition to providing a forum where what might be elsewhere considered unconventional topics can be discussed, Shameless Grounds regularly hosts poetry readings and storytelling events. On Mondays, in what might seem an ironic nod to the wholesomeness of Americana, the entire café is occupied by people playing board games.

Shameless Grounds doesn’t charge for use of the space. Instead, the profits from food and drink sales, rather than going to shareholders who might find the content objectionable, pay for ingredients, supplies, rent, utilities, maintenance and wages.

As Shameless Grounds nears the ten-year mark, both of the Muellers are The café’s decor is as confident and relaxed shameless as their name. about how the business TRENTON ALMGREN-DAVIS that’s at the heart of both their personal and professional lives operates. Rather than looking to expand or conquer new hurdles or horizons, the Muellers reflect on what they’ve learned thus far.

Michelle is surprised at how little negative feedback there’s been; she recalls that even a group of nuns came in and thoroughly enjoyed themselves.

“We thought there would be picketing, because it’s Missouri,” she says. “We were prepared for that.” She was also surprised, and delighted, by the sense of family that’s developed at Shameless Grounds. “About 75 percent of our customers are here three times a week or more, so you worry when you don’t see them,” she says.

For Andrew, the biggest surprise has been realizing how powerful openness is.

“Once you start talking about sex openly and honestly, people you know and who you thought were plain-Jane vanilla come out of the woodwork to tell you about themselves,” he says. “People I had no idea were off the beaten path are in fact off the beaten path.”

Shameless Grounds is located at 1901 Withnell Avenue in Benton Park. It’s open 10 a.m.-5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday; 8 a.m.-10 p.m. Monday, Wednesday, Thursday and Friday; and closed on Tuesdays. To learn more about upcoming events, visit www.shamelessgrounds.com.

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