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Unintended Consequences CLOSING CLASSROOMS WAS the right move to slow the COVID-19 pandemic, but it comes with its own fallout, predictably hitting kids who rely on the meals and other resources normally available to them in St. Louis schools. For our cover story this week, freelance journalist Ryan Krull, dug into one aspect: What happens to students who don’t have a computer or Wi-Fi when classes go online? Through interviews with parents and educators, Krull details the empty online hangouts, frustrations and failings as the most vulnerable kids find themselves disconnected. The story is an example of our ongoing focus on the people left behind as St. Louis struggles with a health and economic crisis that twists in new directions every day. It’s also the first story we’ve commissioned through a $5,000 grant the RFT was awarded through the Facebook Journalism Project to help local media cover COVID-19. We’re putting that money to work, but it won’t last forever. If you want to help us keep going, please join the brand new Riverfront Times Press Club. Members will be rewarded with perks, such as early access to our events, while ensuring we can continue to cover important issues. More details are on our website: www.riverfronttimes.com Thanks for reading. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief.
TABLE OF CONTENTS CAN’T
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Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy
E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Hero In A Hot Dog Suit Daniel Hill Contributors Cheryl Baehr, Trenton Almgren-Davis, Jenna Jones, Monica Obradovic, Andy Paulissen A R T & P R O D U C T I O N Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain Production Manager Haimanti Germain Design Contributor Evan Sult M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers
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E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com
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HARTMANN Dangerously Dumb Secretary of State Jay Ashcroft calls staffers back to the office as the pandemic rises BY RAY HARTMANN
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ecretary of State Jay Ashcroft is a man on a mission, fully committed to doing the job for which he was elected, which is keeping the Republican Party in power in Missouri. Ashcroft ran for office on an unmistakable platform of doing everything possible to hold down the turnout of black voters, the disabled and others likely to cast unacceptably Democratic votes. That’s not quite how the goal was articulated, but that’s certainly
what it was and is. This was no small assignment for a man who had never held a public office, nor run anything, nor possessed any visible qualifications before getting elected secretary of state. Ashcroft is, of course, the son of John Ashcroft, the former state auditor, attorney general and governor, and U.S. senator and attorney general, all jobs in which he established a solid reputation as a staunch conservative and whatever you call the opposite of a civil rights leader. Normally, one would leave the father out of this. Jay Ashcroft is his own right-wing zealot, so what does his right-wing zealot dad have to do with this? Trouble is, no one can name an actual reason that young Ashcroft became secretary of state other than his last name and the fact that his Democratic foe, St. Louis TV personality Robin Smith, lacked the statewide profile, political experience and money to survive the
gusting winds of Hurricane Hillary. Jay Ashcroft is the Eric Trump of Missouri, just not as erudite and polished. In normal times, having a blockhead secretary of state would seem relatively OK. The Republicans were going to elect someone to the post who could master the dark arts of voter suppression, so why not have it be Heinz Doofenshmirtz? Here’s why: There’s a pandemic in town, and though large numbers of Missouri Republicans regard it as an overrated cold, it is infecting and killing people throughout our state, in tragically rising numbers. Yet, despite Missouri Gov. Mike Parson’s dubious distinction as one of America’s feeblest gubernatorial responders to COVID-19, many knuckledraggers here still regard him as too soft to tame their inner militias. Enter our half-wit secretary of state. This past Friday, Jay Ash-
croft made the stupefying announcement that he’d require more than one-third of his employees to return to the office this week — eleven days before the end of Parson’s too-little-too-late, quasi-shutdown of the state. Yes, you read that correctly. With the curve of the arc still rising in Missouri, with growing numbers of our citizens contracting and dying from the coronavirus daily — and national and local health officials pleading for Americans to stay home — Jay Ashcroft has planted his flag as the only statewide official to order employees back to work. Parson probably doesn’t give a flip, since he had to be dragged kicking and screaming into what was basically a shutdown suggestion April 3, and it’s almost impossible for Ashcroft or anyone else to run afoul of its generous exceptions. Far more importantly, Dr. Anthony Fauci, the feds’ top infectios disease expert, said Continued on pg 6
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Sunday that even if there were a gradual rollout of a return to normalcy, it would not begin anywhere until May or June at the earliest. Nice going, Dr. Ashcroft. he story was first reported on Friday in St. Louis that about of Ashcroft s employees would be called into work, but the Jefferson City News Tribune had a bit more detail — and more importantly a clearer statement of its rationale. t turns out that the employees called into work by Ashcroft were in addition to 20 to 25 who had already been there for business ser ices and election filing. That’s news in itself, and there was nothing said as to why those functions couldn’t have been handled remotely — as so many other state agencies are doing. ut more important is the fact that employees apparently will be at work this week in the secretary of state s office. And here’s the real news item, apparently exclusi e to the safe confines of the right leaning efferson ity newspaper e need to open this country up, but we need to do it in a safe manner, Ashcroft told the paper, promising to follow safety measures. e re crac ing open the door to start that process. hy, pray tell, is issouri s secretary of state going national, parroting onald rump s political base messaging — which the president continually spews to the horror of his health advisers about opening up the nation? And how did Jefferson ity s piddling little secretary of state s office become the place where America decides to “crack open the door That’s not all. As the St. Louis Post-Dispatch reported, Ashcroft said mas s are purely optional for his employees, since he won t be gi ing any to them. hese people probably face more restrictions going to the grocery store. opefully, Ashcroft will catch a brea and none of his employees will be carrying the virus, asymptomatically or otherwise, and spread it. Ashcroft did bring himself to tell employees who are sick to stay home, but there’s no e idence the office plans to ta e their temperatures or the li e. aybe the employees will practice proper social distancing, but these people do wor for Jay Ashcroft. If they think like the boss, they might regard such
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precautions as snowfla e stuff. he thought of depending on their good behavior is more than discomforting, and if Ashcroft’s recklessness should result in the irus spreading in efferson City and beyond, it would affect countless more people than ust the culpable parties. For his political purposes, mostly long-range, our secretary of state gets to be the bad boy who’s not going to let some exaggerated case of the sni es eep his somewhat essential employees from ris ing disease and death ust so the fa e news media can spread their hoax li e it was some irus. The essential work of disenfranchising oters cannot be stifled. pea ing of that, conser ati e epublicans can ta e heart that Ashcroft’s essential work of voter suppression will carry on unabated. e was among the first in his position to proclaim that he ll ha e no part of mail in oting or any other such democracy nonsense. He was already feuding publicly o er oting rights with Kansas City Mayor Quinton Lucas who ust happens to be a blac man — right out of dear old Dad’s racial playboo . Like his father, Ashcroft is a champion of oter photo laws that address a oter impersonation problem that literally has occurred zero times in Missouri history. It’s widely understood that re uiring photo s has only one critical function nationally to dampen emocratic otes. t s a partisan issue e erywhere, ust li e mail in oting, which rump cra enly admits he opposes because it s bad for epublicans. but Ashcroft stood out from the crowd with this whopper before ongress in “The evidence indicates that oter fraud is an exponentially greater threat than hacking of our election e uipment. What an eloquently Putines ue expression for a hayseed from Missouri. At the time, it sounded like a really idiotic thing to say. ut now, we ha e confirmation hese were the words of a real idiot. And more ominously, a chip off the old block. n
Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann and Jay Kanzler from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).
NEWS
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City Claims 4 a.m. Move on Homeless Camp Was ‘Outreach’ Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
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eople living in a homeless camp in downtown St. Louis say they woke at 4 a.m. last hursday to a police officer rattling through their pop-up community, telling them to clear out. “She just shook everybody’s tents,” Tamadj Shakespeare, 23, says. “It was very disturbing.” ehind the police officers, a crew of city parks employees stood alongside a work truck, apparently ready to haul away any tents left behind. “They thought that we were just going to leave, and they were going to take our tents,” Marcus Hunt, 29, says. Instead, Hunt and Shakespeare say they referred officers to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention guidelines that not only advise against disbanding camps during the pandemic but recommend supporting them with toilets and facilities where people can wash their hands. Outreach workers and volunteer observers, who’d heard rumors a raid was coming, kept an eye on the camps through the night. hen a pair of police officers and eight or nine parks workers arrived in the morning darkness, they began to record the scene on their phones. “[Police] were going around, rousing people, telling them it was time to go,” says Steven Hoffman, a Saint Louis University law student who filmed that morning. Once the phones came out and people in the camp pushed back, the tenor of the interaction changed, witnesses say. “It appeared they did not want to be filmed doing this, offman says.
Tamadj Shakespeare, left, and Marcus Hunt say police tried and failed to clear a tent camp downtown. | DOYLE MURPHY A police sergeant who responded to the scene shortly after the first two officers told the group police were just there to stand by, not throw anyone out. Ultimately, the officers and par s crew left. acob Long, a spokesman for Mayor Lyda Krewson, says they weren’t planning a forced removal, but the city has tried to persuade those staying in the camp to move into shelters, including a temporary facility at the former Little Sisters of the Poor campus at 3225 North Florissant Road on the edge of the Old North neighborhood. The temporary shelter currently has 26 beds but can expand to serve more than 100 people, Long says. So far, only three people had been persuaded to move from the camp as of last week, he adds. Long insists the 4 a.m. operation was an “extension of our outreach” and not a failed mission to remove people by force. The city, he says, has followed the CDC guidelines against disbanding camps when it comes to more established tent cities by the river. But he says the one downtown is in violation of a city curfew, and it formed recently. “We can’t just allow these to continue to pop up in places that
have curfews,” Long says. “It’s a public safety issue. It’s a public health issue, first and foremost. About 35 people have been staying in the park near 14th and Market streets, with a smaller camp just to the east, across Market from City Hall. An outdoor handwashing station left by the city didn’t have any water, residents say, so they filled it with water they bought or that was donated. Hunt says the people living there have created their own governing structure with a shared fund for supplies. He’s the community coordinator. Shakespeare is the community liaison. For the most part, the two say the community has insulated itself, which they see as protection against the virus. They don’t believe anyone in the camp is sick. “If one of us was sick, all of us would be sick,” Hunt says. It’s not a bulletproof strategy. COVID-19 has proven to be hard to spot, often for ten days or more, before it hits. Still, the CDC warns that busting up camps can make it harder for service providers to find people while potentially scattering those infected in all directions. Shakespeare and Hunt worry
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most about outsiders bringing the coronavirus into the camp. he police officers who arri ed last Thursday morning were not wearing gloves or masks, they say. Similarly, they worry about going to the city’s new shelter, because they’re not certain what awaits them, if they’re even admitted. Long says a variety of services, everything from meals to help with resume writing are being offered. People in the camp are skeptical they’ll be treated well. In the days leading up to the early morning visit, police were driving by recording and photographing them, they say. As Hunt and Shakespeare spoke to the Riverfront Times, state troopers in a Missouri State Highway Patrol pickup truck slowed down in front, one of them lowering his window and pointing what appeared to be a recorder toward the group. Such surveillance does not give the people in the camp confidence that those in government are looking out for their best interests. “I’m pretty sure they’re going to come back,” Shakespeare says. “But we know how to stand our ground, legally.” n
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SHORT ORDERS
The Giving Beer Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
F
or Schlafly Beer’s (multiple locations including 2100 Locust Street, 314-241-2337) lead brewer Jared Williamson the newly released Side Work is much more than a beer brewed to benefit the hospitality industry; it is a labor of love — literally. “This is a very personal story for me, because this was originally brewed to be our wedding beer,” Williamson explains. “Our wedding was going to be [April 11], and we brewed it about a month out, but at that point, things started unfolding so quickly, and we looked downstream and knew that the wedding that we’d been planning for over a year wasn’t going to happen. It’s a bummer, but considering we, as a nation and a world, are facing such an uphill battle, there are so many bigger concerns to deal with.” Williamson and his fiancée, Kelsey Donovan, were set to wed in a ceremony that would have brought together their friends and family from across the country. However, as the severity of the COVID-19 pandemic became clear in early March, the pair knew that they had no choice but to cancel, even before the city’s stay-at-home orders. Now, they are turning that disappointment into an act of service, releasing their wedding beer to benefit the St. Louis hospitality community. The hazy session IPA was released this past Friday with all proceeds going to the Gateway Resilience Fund. Williamson and Donovan met several years ago thanks to Schlafly; he was a Louisville-based brewer who’d traveled to St. Louis to participate in one of the brewery’s beer festivals, and she was a bartender at Schlafly’s Bottleworks location. They hit it off instantly. After a long-distance relationship, Williamson decided to move to St. Louis to be with his love. It made sense, then, that Schlafly would play a significant role in their wedding, and the couple knew that one of the best ways to pay homage to their relationship was to brew a beer for the event that would have special meaning to them. “There’s a story to every ingredient in this beer,” Williamson says of Side Work. “First, it’s a session IPA, which is hop forward but low alcohol, so our guests would be able to drink all day but not be too loaded to dance all night. As far as
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All proceeds from Side Work, a new brew from Schlafly Beer, will go to the Gateway Resilience Fund. | COURTESY SCHLAFLY BEER ingredients, I liked the idea of two things coming together as one — two different malts, two different hops.” As Williamson explains, the malt, made from both barley and oats, is from Simpson’s Malt, one of the oldest familyowned maltsters in the United Kingdom. As for the hops, he chose Strata, to represent himself, and Enigma, to represent Donovan, while the yeast is a strain from Vermont, representing the hazy IPAs they drank together on their first road trip to the Northeast. Those components, coupled with good-old St. Louis water, mix together to make a brew that is uniquely personal to them. There was no way, then, that Williamson and Donovan were going to let the beer go to waste. In fact, knowing that they could use it to transform their disappointment about their nuptials into a way to help those in the hospitality community suffering income loss has become something positive. According to Williamson, they just might keep that positivity going well after the first batch of Side Work is sold out. As he explains, the notion of having a beer that helps the community is something he and the Schlafly team are now considering as an ongoing philanthropic effort. That their postponed wedding is the catalyst for such a movement is a welcome outcome of a disappointing situation. “We’re really excited to have a beer like this where we can give back to the community,” Williamson says. “Maybe one day the industry isn’t in such dire need and there are other ways we can give back. Maybe that’s what we can become in the future. As we’ve been saying during all of this, Schlafly is more than the beer we make, and now it’s time to prove it.” n
CULTURE STL’s Jeremiah Johnson Hits Billboard’s No. 1 Written by
DANIEL HILL
S
t. Louis blues artist Jeremiah Johnson is on a roll, with his latest, Heavens to Betsy, reaching the No. 1 spot on Billboard’s blues chart last week. It’s the highest album position yet from an artist who is no stranger to the Billboard charts at this point — he’s seen his past four releases all reach the top ten. Heavens to Betsy debuted at No. 3 the week of March 21, but rose to the top quickly. “Holy moly man, I can’t believe it, wow. I can’t believe it,” Johnson
Pop-Up Drive-In Theater Coming to St. Louis Written by
JENNA JONES
S
ummer activities have not been a sure thing since COVID-19 infiltrated Missouri. Concerts have been canceled. Places have closed up. Plans for the summer are on shaky ground due to too many unknown factors. Until now. St. Louis, we have something to look forward to. Get out your poodle skirts and milkshakes. Channel your inner Grease character. Whether you’re a pink lady or T-bird, a new drive-in theater is coming to St. Louis. European-based company Hot Tub Cinema is teaming up with the Drive-in Movie Club of St. Louis to bring the pop-up drive-in theater. “Going out with the kids, friends and family has been a tough task lately for everyone across the USA after the govern-
says in a video posted to his Facebook page. “Heavens to Betsy is No. 1 on the Billboard blues albums charts today. I’m just shocked, I can’t believe it. I gotta thank everybody out there who bought the CD and the albums and the downloads and whatever.” According to the singer/guitarist, the honor took him completely by surprise. “I just didn’t see this coming,” he says. “I mean, with all that’s going on right now, for you to reach out and get the music, you know, it just means the world to me. I want to thank you very much. I wish I was out playing and could perform and that, but man, you really brought my spirits up. I was getting pretty depressed.” It’s a hell of an accomplishment for one of the city’s hardest-working artists — and one that celebrates an album that is something of a departure from Johnson’s usual output. As chronicled by the RFT’s Homespun music columnist Christian Schaeffer in mid-March, Johnson shifted his sound to a more rock & roll direction for the new album, saying that Heavens to Betsy is “based on the stuff I’d hear on KSHE 95 as a kid.”
ment introduced strict social distancing measures,” a news release reads. “While it’s still okay to [go] to the park and practice good social distancing for some wellneeded fresh air, that can get pretty boring, but a new series of events may offer you some deserved relief.” The new drive-in will offer some familyfriendly movies. The website where you can reserve a ticket describes the new venture as “a pop-up cinema to watch your favorite cult-classics.” A list of the movies that will be shown has not been released yet. “In light of art spaces and cinemas across the country closing to aid with social distancing, we bring screen entertainment to families, delivering a fun time for all in a safe environment,” the news release says. The pop-up cinema hopes to inspire other events that are both family friendly and follow COVID-19 safety measures. Hopefully, this will be a fun place for us all to go post-pandemic. If this is all still happening by the end of summer, the pop-up theater will be open August 25 to August 30. Tickets will be $25 for early birds and $30 per car of up to five people. n
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St. Louis’ Jeremiah Johnson has a new hit getting much-deserved attention. | ANGELA RENEE
The album marks Johnson’s second for the German blues label Ruf Records — and Johnson admitted upon its release that he wasn’t sure how the shift in sound would be received. “I’m sure the record label would have preferred me to do
a straight blues record, but I’ve been around, and I’ve got stories to tell,” he said at the time. It’s probably safe to say the label is perfectly happy with how things have turned out, all things considered. Congratulations to one of t. ouis finest n
Doesn’t a drive-in theater sound nice right about now? | COURTESY DRIVE-IN MOVIE CLUB
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NOT EVERY KID has a computer, and that’s a problem as school closures force classes online BY RYAN KRULL
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ower Grove South mother of four Jessica Mask is quick to point out that this pandemic has been a lot harder on other people than it has been on her. But having said that, it isn’t exactly a vacation at home with her three youngest kids: a kindergartner, first grader and fifth grader. (Her oldest is in college.) All three attend St. Raphael the Archangel School in St. Louis Hills, and Mask says the school has done a good job communicating to parents, scheduling video calls and setting up Google classrooms. But even under these circumstances, it’s still a daily struggle sorting through the mountain of emails the kids collectively receive, then making sure that the right kid is logged into the right portal at the right time. y fifth grader will get up in the morning and say, ‘Oh, my God, I’ve got two video calls before ten.’ It’s like a glimpse of him at 35,” she says. St. Raphael distributed Chromebooks preloaded with educational content to Mask’s two grade
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schoolers. Her kindergartner uses Mask’s own MacBook. Elsewhere in the city, though, students don’t have the devices necessary to stay connected. A grade school teacher in a north-city St. Louis public school who asked the Riverfront Times to withhold her name says this past week was supposed to be her school s first of e learning, but only two students in her class have access to a device other than a phone. This is particularly infuriating, she says, given that before COVID-19 her classroom was “one to one,” meaning that every kid had an iPad. “They’ve given us time to plan, set up platforms, record lessons and contact parents,” she says. “The problem is I didn’t already have all my students’ parents connected on the app we’ve been using all year and now the parents that were checking the app regularly are not.” She adds, “Teaching at a school in north city where all of the kids qualify for free lunch, I have to assume many parents are still out
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Dr. Kelvin Adams | OFFICIAL PORTRAIT
working essential jobs at stores or restaurants or lost their jobs. Either way, it’s stressful, and I understand why they aren’t spending time checking an app.” St. Louis Public Schools parent Del-Rio Swink-Lee says she isn’t surprised by the system’s rocky transition to e-learning. After her daughter was involved in a wellpublicized bullying incident at Gateway STEM Academy in 2018, Swink-Lee enrolled her daughter
in SLPS’s virtual program. Despite being promised an iPad from the school, she says one never materialized. She says that the virtual program is supposed to include weekly check-ins from a teacher, but she and her daughter haven’t heard from an instructor since January. “They don’t return my emails. They don’t return my calls,” Swink-Lee says. “I’m very concerned, because of what I was getting as a mom in the virtual program. Now every student is in the virtual program, and there is nothing prepared for these kids.” Swink-Lee says she is a regular attendee at school board meetings and is the administrator of a Facebook group for SLPS parents. “Just yesterday parents were calling me in tears, saying their kids didn’t have devices,” she says. “Two other parents called saying that their kids’ teachers didn’t know how to use the program that had been given to them to use for this new e-learning process.” At a school board meeting held Continued on pg 18
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TRAPPED IN THE GAP Continued from pg 16
via Zoom at the end of March, two weeks after SLPS closed due to COVID-19, district Superintendent Kelvin Adams said, “This is brand new for teachers, many of whom frankly had no idea how to do Zoom. So we’re trying to work through that this week and get them up and running.” Natalie Self is with STEMSTL, an organization that promotes highquality equitable education in science, technology, engineering and math in the St. Louis region. “Every school district has been left up to their own devices to figure out this de ice issue, elf says. “For instance, Kirkwood was already one to one so it’s been relatively smooth … Districts like St. Louis Public Schools are getting devices in batches, and as individual schools are able to get them, they re filling in the gaps. As you might expect, the districts who had less resources before are the ones struggling to catch up. All these inequities we had before are only being exacerbated.” Self adds that simply getting a device in the students’ hands is not a panacea. Devices break. They need to be charged. They rely on
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Wi-Fi. Households with multiple students doing remote learning at the same time requires a lot of expensive bandwidth. Charter is offering 60 days of free broadband for households with students or educators, but the deal only applies to new customers and not to those who have outstanding bills with the company. As a Riverfront Times piece from last year showed, in wide swaths of St. Louis, particularly in north city, less than half of all households have access to broadband internet. At that school board meeting in March, Adams called these disparities in infrastructure and technology access the “most frustrating question we have dealt with over the last six or seven days.” He said the district is looking into purchasing 10,000 Wi-Fi hotspots within the next two weeks, but he adds that he doesn’t want to give them out to families unless there is enough for everyone. “This pandemic has exposed a lot of cracks that are a part of St. Louis … The bottom line is that it makes it much harder to support those families who were already struggling. They might not have the transportation to come and pick up a computer. We can’t go
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Del-Rio Swink-Lee wasn’t surprised by cracks in e-learning. | COURTESAY DEL-RIO SWINK-LEE
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Jessica Mask tries to coordinate classes for her three school-age boys. | COURTESY JESSICA MASK
TRAPPED IN THE GAP Continued from pg 18
necessarily knock on their door and deliver it to them because of social distancing,” he said. “I will be totally candid and honest with you, I don’t know how equitable we are being because I don’t know how equitable this city is set up.” A survey conducted by SLPS found that 10,000 families with students in the system don’t have access to adequqate technology or e-learning. A spokesperson told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch last week mobile hotspots and iPads would be distributed starting this week. The problem isn’t going away soon. On April 9, Adams announced St. Louis classrooms would remain closed through the spring. Missouri Governor Mike Parson made a similar announcement the same day, ordering schools across the state to continue the current shutdown through the end of the academic year. As I was wrapping up this story, I thought I’d check back in with the teacher in north city and ask her how the first two days of irtual class had gone. This was her
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written reply in its entirety: “Yeah...so I have posted lessons and assignments and no students have been able to access them. Almost all the parents I have contacted need iPads which they signed up for but they weren’t given information on when they will receive them and my boss hasn’t let me know either. Frustrating having to tell parents I have no idea. Today I realized it’s been 4 weeks of no school (including our spring break mid March) and I can’t believe they still haven’t distributed iPads. My principal had all these expectations for teachers but didn’t tell us they still wouldn’t have iPads. So when I message parents/students giving them all this Info on how to learn/ do assignments it’s not like they can get started. “Another expectation is that we’re holding class meetings over Zoom. I posted about it but zero students/families participated today. I’m supposed to have two more this week but kinda doubting anyone will participate at this point. “And it’s not their fault they don’t have the technology, all of this is too unrealistic to do on an iPhone or smartphone.” n
SAVAGE LOVE QUICKIES
upsets me. It’s just been going on too long. Is My Friend An Asshole?
BY DAN SAVAGE
f your friend the one leading the double life is as ing you to run interference for her, if she s as ing you to lie to her girlfriend, or if she s as ed you to compromise your integrity in some way, she s an asshole and you re a sap tell your friend you re done co ering for her and that you won t be able to see her again until the deceit or the pandemic is o er, whiche er comes first. f the issue is your friend expects you to oo e sympathy while she goes on and on about the mess she s made of her life, FAA, simply refuse to discuss the mess that is her lo e life with her. emind her that she already nows what you thin she needs to do she needs to brea the fuc up with her shitty girlfriend and then change the sub ect.
Hey, Dan: I am a super queer presenting female who recently accepted that I have desires for men. My partner of two years is bisexual and understands the desires but has personally dealt with those desires via masturbation while my desires include acting. Her perspective is that the grass is greener where you water it and that my desire to act is immature selfish and has an unrealistic end game. What gives when you don t feel fulfilled sexually in a monogamous relationship? Open Or Over?
omething definitely gi es when a person doesn t feel fulfilled in a monogamous relationship sometimes it s an ultimatum that s gi en, sometimes it s a one time only hall pass that s gi en, sometimes it s an agreement to open the relationship that s gi en. ut sometimes the relationship gi es for example, the relationship collapses under the weight of competing and mutually exclusi e needs and desires. f you want to open things up if allowed and she wants to eep things closed no allowance , , it s ultimately your willpower your commitment to honoring the commitment you e made that s li ely to gi e. Hey, Dan:I have a close friend
who’s cheating on her girlfriend. It has been going on for over a year. At first actually supported the exploration because my friend has a really unsupportive girlfriend who has done really crappy things to her over the course of their relationship. I kept pushing for her to make a decision and use this affair as a way for her to free herself, but she is just coasting along with her girlfriend and her lover. She’s under a lot of stress, and she’s turned into a major liar — and it’s creeping me out. I’m considering either telling her girlfriend myself (though I promised my friend I wouldn’t) or maybe I just need to end this friendship. My friend’s double life
Hey, Dan:I’m a cis het woman who loves men and loves dicks. I love dicks so much that I fantasize about having one. Nothing brings me to orgasm more quickly or reliably than closing my eyes and imagining my own dick, or imagining myself as my partner, and what they’re feeling through their dick. I love being a woman, and I’m afraid to bring this up with any partner(s) of mine. Is this super weird? Am I secretly trans somehow? Am I overthinking this? Perfect Minus Penis
t s not that weird, some people are trans and you could be one of them but fantasi ing about ha ing a dic being a male , and you re o erthin ing what you should be en oying. uy a strap on, tell your partners about your fantasies, and en oy ha ing the dic you can ha e. Hey, Dan:I wonder if you might
be able to put a label on this sex act: It has to do with overstimulation, in this case of a penis (mine). After receiving a wonderful hand job, the giver kept stroking me purposefully. My penis was in a heightened, super-sensitive state. It was almost like being tickled, if you’re ticklish. I was being forcefully held down (consensually), and just as I thought I couldn’t
take it anymore, I had a second amazing orgasm. I didn’t ejaculate again, it was more of a body orgasm. It came in waves and everything was warm. It was mind-blowing, spiritual, galactic, unique, and very similar to how I’ve heard women describe their orgasms. Ever hear of anything like this? Is this some sot of Japanese underground kink thing? Witty Hilarious Overzealous Amateur he act you re describing already has a name, A, and an entry on rban ictionary apple polishing. ost men find the sensation of ha ing the head of their coc wor ed so o erwhelming that their bodies inoluntarily recoil, which ma es it difficult to polish someone s apple if the ictim isn t restrained in some way. ut it s not painful it s li e being tic led indeed, the ictim usually reacts with desperate laughter and gasping pleas for it to stop. on t as me how now. hat all o er feeling of euphoria you experienced when your apple got polished was most li ely a wa e of endorphins li e a runner who pushes herself past her physical limits and experiences a full body runner s high, you were pushed past your physical limits, A, and experienced the same sort of high. Hey, Dan: I’m a 35-year-old straight guy. I recently started seeing an amazing 34-year-old girl. We love being around each other, but during sex, neither of us can come. It’s infuriating, to say the least. She has no trouble when she masturbates, and I know I have no trouble when I masturbate, so why can’t we come together? Can’t Understand Matter
f you can come when you masturbate and she can come when she masturbates, , masturbate together and you ll be coming together. utual masturbation isn t a sad consolation pri e mutual masturbation is sex and it can be great sex. And the more often you come together through mutual masturbation, , the li elier it gets that you ll be able to come together while en oying other things.
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Hey, Dan:I have a weird and terrible problem. I’ve been seeing someone new, and have just discovered that I get diarrhea every time I swallow his come. Like debilitating pee poops an hour after, every time. I know the solution to the problem would be to stop swallowing, but I was wondering if you had ever heard of this before or knew why this was. My Sad Asshole
ha e heard of this before, A, and superstar a age o e guest expert r. ebby erbenic unpac ed the cause for another reader a few years bac rostaglandins are substances made by the body and that the body is sensiti e to. emen contains prostaglandins and prostaglandins can ha e a laxati e effect on people. elated f you e e er felt a little loosey goosey right before getting your period, that s also than s to prostaglandins which spi e ust before your period, because the prostaglandins get the uterine muscles to contract, which then helps to shed the lining of the uterus, resulting in a menstrual period . o why don t more semen swallowers find themsel es running to the bathroom post blow ob don t now why most people aren t extra sensiti e to prostaglandins, but fortunately most of us aren t, or there would probably be a lot less swallowing in the world. o, A, you ll ha e to stop swallowing your boyfriend s come or only swallow when you ha e immediate access to a toilet in a restroom with a powerful fan.
Listen to the Savage Lovecast this week with Erin Gibson: savagelovecast.com. Questions? mail@savagelove.net. Follow Dan on Twitter @FakeDanSavage. Want to reach someone at the RFT? If you’re looking to provide info about an event, please contact calendar@ riverfronttimes.com. If you’ve got the scoop on nightlife, comedy or music, please email daniel.hill@ riverfronttimes.com. Love us? Hate us? You can email doyle.murphy@ riverfronttimes.com about that too. Due to the volume of email we receive, we may not respond — but rest assured that we are reading every one.
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APRIL 15-21, 2020
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