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THE LEDE

“My father-in-law used to come down here every Tuesday, and sometimes on Friday and Saturday, and he loved it down here. He just passed recently, and I said, ‘Man, wouldn’t it be fun to come down here and just remember how we used to sit out here and bet?’ I think he’s letting me win. I haven’t won this much, ever. I won $14!”

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

TERESA GRAY, RIGHT, PHOTOGRAPHED WITH LISA FITZ, AT FAIRMOUNT RACE TRACK ON APRIL 23 riverfronttimes.com

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Sarah Fenske

E D I T O R I A L Arts & Culture Editor Paul Friswold Music Editor Daniel Hill Digital Editor Jaime Lees Staff Writers Doyle Murphy, Danny Wicentowski Restaurant Critic Cheryl Baehr Film Critic Robert Hunt Columnist Ray Hartmann Contributing Writers Mike Appelstein, Allison Babka, Thomas Crone, Jenn DeRose, Mike Fitzgerald, Sara Graham, MaryAnn Johanson, Roy Kasten, Jaime Lees, Joseph Hess, Kevin Korinek, Bob McMahon, Lauren Milford, Nicholas Phillips, Tef Poe, Christian Schaeffer Proofreader Evie Hemphill Editorial Interns Ryan Gines, Chelsea Neuling, Benjamin Simon

COVER Last of the Discount Picture Shows Deep in the heart of suburbia, the St. Andrews Cinema keeps the $1 movie alive

A R T Art Director Evan Sult Contributing Photographers Virginia Harold, Tim Lane, Monica Mileur, Zia Nizami, Andy Paulissen, Nick Schnelle, Mabel Suen, Micah Usher, Theo Welling, Jen West, Corey Woodruff P R O D U C T I O N Production Manager Haimanti Germain

Written by THOMAS CRONE

M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Sales Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell, Erica Kenney Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Drew Halliday, Jackie Mundy

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VIRGINIA HAROLD

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein Creative Director Tom Carlson www.euclidmediagroup.com

INSIDE

N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

The Lede Hartmann

Who is the proposed soccer stadium actually benefitting?

News Feature Calendar Film

The Green Fog

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HARTMANN The Soccer Pitch A likely MLS franchise has been hailed as a gift to the city. But it’s better for the owners than you think BY RAY HARTMANN

ith all the recent hubbub over St. Louis maybe, possibly, no-we-really-meanit-this-time landing a franchise in the wonderland of Major League Soccer (MLS), there’s one feature that has to make the league fun for everyone to watch, even for non-fans: The goal posts are always moving. In the most recent breathtaking

news, the league’s Supreme Council of Charlatans (a.k.a. Board of Governors) announced on April 19 that MLS would be expanding to 30 teams most people have never heard of, as opposed to the current 27 that we can’t begin to name. The big significance is that the expansion almost guarantees that St. Louis will be placed on MLS’ invisible map, unless it isn’t. “St. Louis likely to get MLS team after league votes to expand to 30 teams,” reported the Post-Dispatch. And the league is so excited about adding three teams instead of just the one originally planned, instead of charging $150 million for each team’s franchise fee, it will now charge $200 million. Bravo. But while cynics might argue that adding $50 million to the price of poker meets the classic definition of moving back the goal posts, it should be noted that the billionaire ownership group aiming to put a team in St. Louis (that’s the Taylor family, which owns Enterprise Holdings, and World Wide

Technology CEO Jim Kavanaugh) seems at least publicly unfazed by a little $50 million bump. Good for them. It’s fine that the Taylors, Kavanaugh and others are winning local applause for getting a sports franchise that might help heal the collective psyche of a town wounded by the departure of the Rams, and before that, the Big Red and the Hawks. To the extent MLS appeals to a young audience, that’s another plus. Good for the city, too. Developing the area around Union Station is a fine thing, and so is providing a first-rate soccer facility for fans (and presumably local teams) in a city that arguably has the best soccer heritage of any in the nation. We should all prefer getting an MLS team to not getting an MLS team. That said, this is not what it appears to be. An MLS team is not some huge economic engine, it is not transformational and whether we get chosen by this obnoxious group of greedy monopolists — including one Enos Stanley

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Kroenke — is absolutely not a statement about the worth or future of St. Louis. I say that with all due respect to the many people who think getting a franchise is essential even though they cannot name a single MLS player. Understand we’re talking about a team that will play just seventeen home games stretched over a seven-month season, in a stadium seating just 22,500, with ticket prices far less expensive, especially on a season-long basis, than other pro sports in the U.S. This is not a game changer. Certainly, the proposed MLS franchise would generate nice value as a construction project, creating good jobs that pay into the earnings tax and other public revenues, at least those not given away by our local politicians. But from a regional perspective it represents mostly recirculated revenues. A soccer team doesn’t add to our collective wealth. It’s not a major tourist draw. For the same reason

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HARTMANN

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that the Rams’ departure didn’t take a giant bite out of the local economy — the dollars spent by local fans having now been freed up for some other entertainment purpose — sports franchises coming and going are eternally overrated in terms of their economic impact. There’s one other thing you should know about MLS teams: They strangely don’t generate the numbers that would justify $200 million franchise buy-ins. For perspective, let’s look to Forbes, the undisputed authority on the wealth of sports franchises. Last November, Forbes.com listed the values, revenues and operating income of the existing 23 MLS teams. They ranked in valuation from brand-new juggernaut Atlanta United’s $330 million down to Kroenke’s Colorado Rapids, worth $155 million, at the bottom. But get this: No fewer than 15 of the 23 teams had net operating losses, according to Forbes, for a combined total of negative $63 million. The league’s total revenues were little more than $800 million, a tiny number relative to the robust franchise valuations estimated by Forbes. Contrast that with the National Hockey League, fourth in stature to Major League Baseball, the NFL and NBA. According to Forbes, 25 of the 31 NHL teams turned operating profits an impressive $766 million in the black as opposed to MLS’ $63 million in the red — on revenues of more than $4.8 billion (or six times the size of MLS). Our own once-shaky St. Louis Blues, with a reported $148 million in gross revenues, do more than four times the business of an average MLS team. So why would people pay big dollars for a marginal MLS team? Because they’re really paying for something totally unrelated and unhelpful to their respective local sports scenes. They’re buying a piece of MLS’ worldwide action. The real value of an MLS franchise is not the soccer pitch. It’s the marketing pitch. There is an exploding value to the international merchandising and marketing and TV revenues of soccer around the globe, and that’s why MLS franchises are a far hotter commodity than the league itself, or teams in places like St. Louis. The Taylors and their partners aren’t simply making a generous civic gift by getting an MLS team

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for St. Louis. They’re probably making a pretty fair investment as well. ere’s ho the benefit of o nership is described on the MLS website: “MLS has a unique ownership and operating structure, based on a ‘single entity’ concept. Unlike other professional sports leagues, which are a confederation of independent franchise owners, MLS’ ‘single entity’ structure allows investors to own an interest in the league, as well as individual teams. MLS believes that the structure will better position the league for long term success.” Owning an interest in the league also means owning an interest in something called Soccer United arketing, the for-profit marketing arm of the MLS. Among the things you get by joining the MLS club is a piece of the wildly lucrative riches of soccer marketing and merchandising throughout much of the Western hemisphere. Soccer United Marketing is the “exclusive marketing partner” of the United States Soccer Federation and its counterparts from Mexico to the Caribbean to South America. MLS commissioner Don Garber recently described the 2026 FIFA World Cup — jointly hosted by the U.S., Mexico and Canada — as “rocket fuel.” Get the point? And so a St. Louis MLS team has less to do with St. Louis than with the power of soccer as a booming international juggernaut. The billionaires who are lining up to invest staggering amounts to join the league — here and elsewhere — aren’t doing it for altruism, nor are they stupid. The bottom line is the bottom line. And it’s not especially local. That certainly argues against the need for public subsidies to support this effort, although good luck selling that to the local media and political class. As is its custom, the city of St. Louis has already agreed to a corporate-welfare package relieving the wealthy team owners of sales and property taxes that most other companies have to pay. And with MLS backers having said “there’s more work to do,” the goodies may grow. If your goal is to understand what’s really going on here, take your best shot. But good luck with that. Those goal posts are moving. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977 and recently returned to these pages as a columnist. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or follow him on Twitter at @rayhartmann.

NEWS

St. Louis County Executive Steve Stenger leaves the federal courthouse with his attorney, Scott Rosenblum. | DOYLE MURPHY

Busted for Bribery, Stenger Says Bye Bye Written by

SARAH FENSKE

ounty Executive Steve Stenger has been indicted on three counts of honest services bribery and mail fra d. e resigned his o ce Monday, the same day the indictment became public. A Democrat, Stenger now faces charges in federal court alleging that he sed his o cial position to enrich himself, by soliciting campaign contributions in exchange for favorable o cial action. e then allegedly “took steps to hide, conceal and cover up his illegal conduct and actions, including making false p blic statements, according to a press release by the U.S. Department of Justice. Stenger appeared at 1 p.m. at the federal courthouse for his arraignment Monday, pleading not guilty before being released on his own

recognizance. In a letter to the county that morning, Stenger said his resignation was “in the best interest of our county and my family. “The past four years have been some of the most f lfilling years of my professional career, he wrote. The federal charges focus on Stenger’s interactions with John Rallo and his company Cardinal Insurance, which sought contracts with St. Louis County for insurance services in 2015 and 2016. Prosecutors also allege that tenger took o cial action to get Rallo and Cardinal a consulting contract through the St. Louis Port Authority, for which Rallo then did no work, and also helped Rallo and his company Wellston Holdings LLC get options to purchase two properties owned by the county’s Land Clearance for Redevelopment Authority. Finally, the indictment alleges that tenger took o cial action to get an unnamed company a state lobbying contract with the St. Louis Economic Development Partnership. That company obtained the contract “in exchange for campaign donations and fundraising activities, prosec tors allege. Previously county councilman, tenger took o ce as co nty e ecutive in 2015 and was reelect-

ed last November after a closely fought race in the Democratic primary against Mark Mantovani. Assistant U.S. Attorney Hal Goldsmith told reporters that Stenger had been the subject of an extensive undercover investigation that began in early 2018 and continued through the primary and general elections. It is Department of Justice policy not to “impact, adversely impact or have any impact on elections, Goldsmith said, and investigators took steps to keep that from happening even as they worked to gather large amounts of information. The case involves tho sands of te t messages and emails, recorded meetings, courtordered call tracking and cooperating witnesses. In court, Goldsmith described the materials as vol mino s. The indictment alleges that Stenger’s corruption predates his election. It details a dinner meeting with Rallo at Sam’s Steakhouse on October 23, 2014, in which Rallo complained that he was “tired of giving money to politicians and not getting anything in ret rn. “Stenger made statements to assure Rallo that, if elected County Executive, he would work to help Rallo get St. Louis County contracts, the indictment says. In addition to ponying up a $5,000 contribution, the indict-

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ment says, Rallo paid for Stenger’s dinner that evening. Rallo soon became a member of Stenger’s tr stee program, and along ith other members of Wellston Holdings LLC, donated $50,000 to the politician. After Stenger’s election, the indictment says, Stenger visited Rallo and asked him to recruit more donors. Rallo asked for Stenger’s help getting the county’s employee insurance contract, then held by another company — something that would net Rallo a $50,000 annual commission. Stenger, the indictment says, actively worked to steer that work to Rallo. But when his efforts failed, and county staff went with the incumbent provider, Stenger began trying to get Rallo a consulting contract with the St. Louis Economic Development Partnership to “provide marketing to address the negative publicity leftover from the erg son nrest, per the indictment, even though Rallo had no marketing experience. Rallo told Stenger over drinks at the Ritz-Carlton that getting the contract would “make up for the ‘ins rance mishap.’ Rallo was close friends with TV personality Montel Williams and discussed teaming with him on the work. He then formed an LLC just for the purpose of getting the contract, the indictment says. Stenger made it clear to the partnership’s CEO, Sheila Sweeney, that allo as a donor and that he should get the contract, the indictment says. “Stenger told Rallo that Sheila Sweeney would do what Stenger told her to do, the indictment says. In a meeting, Sweeney asked Rallo what size contract he wanted. He suggested $350,000. He was told it had to be $100,000 or less to push through without board approval. The partnership issued a request for proposals. And even though Rallo’s proposal was just a page and a half — and even though companies with actual marketing experience also submitted proposals — Rallo’s company was given the contract, with Sweeney recommending its selection to the Port Authority board. The amount was set for , for the first si months, with a second six-month

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term at the same option. Adding insult to injury, Sweeney later tacked on another $30,000 to the marketing contract, with this sum earmarked for a Stenger supporter identified only as . “JC was a close associate of a public o cial ho had helped tenger get out the vote in the November 2014 County Executive election, and Stenger’s direction to hire JC or give JC a contract was payback for that, the indictment says. As the indictment adds, “Rallo and Cardinal Consulting did no actual work under the Consulting greement, nor did . t one point, Rallo’s report detailing the work he’d done “was so obviously fake, the indictment says, eeney had to advise him to submit another one. She wrote, “The last two read exactly the same and that’s not good Stenger will have to undergo monitoring by federal agents, remain in Missouri’s Eastern District

Assistant U.S. Attorney Hal Goldsmith briefs reporters on the charges against St. Louis County Executive Steve Stenger. | DOYLE MURPHY and abstain from drinking as part of the terms of his release. He left court, accompanied by defense at-

Cop Could Lose License for Threats to Wife Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

bodybuilder cop who ran an anonymous, protester-bashing Twitter account during Ferguson is now in danger of losing his peace officer’s license for stalking and harassing his wife. In a text message, Mike Weston threatened to kill his now-former spouse if she left him and took their child, the state Department of Public Safety says. The 32-year-old was most recently a sergeant with the North County Police Cooperative, a force that patrols several small cities. He was suspended within days of the October 2017 incident and later fired for allegedly violating rules of the suspension. Weston has since sued Vinita Park — his employer at the police co-op — for wrongful termination. He admits in the suit to threatening to kill his wife in a text, but claims the real reason for his firing was a disability — Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, from serving overseas as a Marine. (Weston and his attorney did not respond to requests for comment.) Even if he wins his suit, he may not have a license to be a police officer anymore. The state Department of Public Safety cleared a major hurdle last Thursday in

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Mike Weston plays with his handcuffs in one of his Instagram posts. | INSTAGRAM its bid to sanction Weston: A state commission found there was justification to act against him. “There is cause to discipline Michael E. Weston for committing the criminal offenses of stalking in the first degree and harassment in the first degree,” the commission found. The process of stripping a cop of his license in Missouri is a long one, but the Administrative Hearing Commission is key part of it. The state attorney general filed a complaint with the commission a year ago on behalf of the Department of Public Safety. The complaint describes Weston barraging his then-wife, also a police officer, with text messages as she prepared to leave him in 2017. Many of the messages were pleading. “I won’t make it without you,” he wrote in one. “You’ve save my life before. I’m

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torney Scott Rosenblum, without commenting to about two dozen reporters and photographers who

begging you to save it one more time.” But another was more frightening: “You take her out of my house and I will kill you.” In his lawsuit against Vinita Park, Weston claims that text preceded the other string of messages by many days. He also reports the phrasing as slightly different but no less chilling: “Leave, but if you take the kids, I’ll kill you.” His wife called Kirkwood Police, who responded and confronted Weston. He says in his suit that he cooperated with the officers and voluntarily agreed to go to a hospital, where he stayed for several hours before he was released. A search of court records turned up no criminal charges against the former cop. In his lawsuit against Vinita Park, Weston says he reported the incident to his chief and was ordered to undergo a mental health evaluation. Weston claims he was deemed fit for duty, but was suspended anyway and told not to contact anyone at the department. He says he was later fired for sending a Veteran’s Day email to his bosses, which violated the no-contact order. In the suit he alleges the real problem began earlier when he requested a switch to day shift because night shifts made his PTSD worse. In its response to the lawsuit, Vinita Park has denied the allegations The RFT previously unmasked Weston as the cop behind the @OfficerAnon2 Twitter profile during the 2014 protests in Ferguson. Reporter Ray Downs contacted Weston, who was then with Velda City’s police department, after OfficerAnon2 tweeted that police had tear-gassed citi-

attended the arraignment. In brief remarks, Rosenblum told reporters Stenger had been in contact with the U.S. Attorney’s ce for ite a hile before the indictment was unsealed. Today as not a s rprise, he said. He and Stenger then walked a block to Rosenblum’s Bentley SUV, declining to answer further questions before driving away. Just hours later, the county council chose its chairman, Sam Page, to serve as county executive until a new election is held in November 2020. As it turns out, in February, the council had stricken from its codes the language outlining a process for replacing members, without approving any alternate verbiage. That left council members the ability to handle the interim appointment in any way they wanted. They chose speed, taking no public comment before promoting one of their own with a 5-1 vote. Doyle Murphy contributed to this story.

zens in their own backyard because the people there were firing guns. Downs was in the backyard that night and filmed the episode, showing the teargas was unprovoked. Weston deleted the account shortly after the RFT contacted him, but not before Downs made screenshots of tweets calling protesters “thugs” and fantasizing about punching then-U.S. Attorney General Eric Holder in the nose. These days, Weston works as a fitness trainer. A competitive bodybuilder since before he lost his police job, he has peppered his social media accounts with selfies from his cop days. In one video posted to Instagram, he jokes about killing time with his handcuffs. “I’m bored,” he says before pulling out his cuffs and flipping the ratchet. “I’m going to play with my fidget spinner.” In another, he poses with Steve Bannon, writing that he was part of the security detail when the former White House chief strategist visited St. Louis in September 2017. Weston has been off the force since November 2017. The Administrative Hearing Commission says he never contested any of the Department of Public Safety’s allegations. The commission must now certify its decision. Weston will have 30 days to file an appeal. After that, the department can pick up the records from the commission. The department then has 30 days to hold a hearing. The director of public safety then imposes discipline — which can range from probation to permanent revocation. n

Bootheel Sheriff Gets 6 Months in Jail Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

n ex-sheriff in Missouri’s Bootheel was sentenced Monday in federal court to six months in prison, plus four months house arrest, on charges he illegally, routinely tracked phones without a warrant. Cory Hutcheson, the 35-yearold former sheriff of Mississippi County, appeared Monday in federal court in St. Louis. He pleaded guilty in November 2018 to one count each of identity theft and wire fraud. Federal prosecutors who handled the case for the U.S. Attorney’s ce told the dge in a co rt filing that the case was “simply one example of his penchant for lawless behavior during his tenure as a la enforcement o cer. He had originally faced 28 charges in a federal indictment related to illegally tracking cell phones of state troopers and a Mississippi County judge. “Cory Hutcheson is the worst kind of person who could have ever been a la enforcement o cer, said isso ri tate igh ay Patrol Sgt. Jeff Johnson, who testified onday. He called Hutcheson unethical and a liar, who instead of admitting he had done wrong, tried to smear the rep tation of legitimate la enforcement o cers. Another trooper, Master Sgt. Jay olcomb, testified that tcheson traced Holcomb’s phone’s GPS location 64 times in 2014 — 26 times in a single day. T enty-si in one day, olcomb said, adding that Hutcheson broke rules that every other law enforcement agent has to follow. “This is what separates us, law enforcement, from the criminals. Federal prosecutors say Hutcheson abused a service called Securus that can give law enforcement o cers the G coordinates of cell phones, but requires them to have legal permission, such as a search warrant. Beginning in 2014, when Hutcheson was a deputy, he ap-

Cory Hutcheson faced a long list of allegations. Most charges were dropped in exchange for a guilty plea. | DOYLE MURPHY

“Cory Hutcheson is the worst kind of person who could have ever been a law enforcement officer,” Missouri State Highway Patrol Sgt. Jeff Johnson testified. plied for thousands of searches and illegally accessed hundreds of people’s information, prosecutors say. To get around Securus’ requirements, he uploaded fake documents that he notarized himself, warrants that had nothing to do with his target and sometimes even random documents. “[T]he defendant had the audacity to upload entirely irrelevant documents including his health insurance policy, his auto insurance policy, and pages selected from sheriff training man als, prosecutors wrote. And he kept doing the searches for years, even after he was visited by FBI agents, who were suspicious of his activity. Hutcheson’s plea required him to resign from o ce, hich he did

in November 2018. The deal also helped him out with the eighteen charges, incl ding robbery, filed against him in state court by the Missouri Attorney General’s Office. ll those charges, e cept a misdemeanor for breaking laws governing notaries, are being dismissed as part of his guilty plea. Federal prosecutors note that Hutcheson is still facing civil lawsuits, which allege serious, fatal abuses in the jail. A pregnant inmate’s baby was stillborn in 2014 while Hutcheson was the supervisor of the Mississippi County Detention Center. His staff ignored the inmate’s pleas for medical help for four days, according to a s it filed by the . tcheson finally allo ed the woman, Tara Rhodes, to be shipped off to a state prison on the fifth day. By the time she was seen by a doctor, the doomed baby’s blackened foot was protruding from her, the suit alleges. In 2015, a young mother named Somer Nunnally died of an overdose on the oor of the ail. er family sued — and later settled for $270,000 — citing video that showed jail staffers laughing and mocking nnally d ring the final hours of her life. gents first sei ed tcheson’s computer in 2014. Former sheriff Keith Moore told the RFT that he was informed by the FBI at the time that Hutcheson was illegally surveilling phones, including Moore’s.

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Moore said he spoke to Hutcheson, but didn’t have enough to fire him. e did ltimately terminate the crooked young deputy, though, after Hutcheson’s loyalists walked out of the jail, ostensibly to protest dangerous conditions. Hutcheson had already announced plans to run against Moore for sheriff and claimed his firing as political retrib tion. Moore says Hutcheson “terminated himself hen the ail as left unattended. The election that followed was predictably nasty, and Hutcheson came out on top by promising to get tough on drug dealers who plagued the rural county. In his first fo r months in the job, in 2017, Hutcheson and his deputies made nearly 90 drug arrests, publicly taunting dealers and addicts on Facebook and in an endless stream of news stories. Federal prosecutors say Hutcheson’s seeming prowess on the drug front was supported by shady tactics. “The defendant’s conduct has resulted in dismissal of dozens of cases brought based on information he obtained illegally in an abuse of many suspects’ constitutional right, prosec tors rote. In April 2017, Hutcheson was arrested by state police. Fifteen of the eighteen state charges were related to tracking phones. The other three were for allegedly strong-arming a pair of elderly

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SHERIFF

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hairdressers who were in the midst of a dispute with one of their former employees — Hutcheson’s sister-in-law. The salon owners — two sisters in the mid- to upper-70s — believed the 23-year-old had stolen their appointment book on her way out the door and were holding her paycheck until it was returned. Hutcheson was accused of handc ng the older of the two sisters and forcibly taking

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the check. The woman suffered a heart attack following the confrontation. tcheson then filed charges of kidnapping against the elderly salon owner. Then-Attorney General Josh Hawley charged the sheriff ith robbery, assa lt and filing a false declaration. Those charges were dismissed as a part of the plea agreement in the federal case. In a statement following his plea in 2018, Hutcheson maintained he wasn’t guilty of robbing or roughing up the salon owner. He characterized the phone tracking, which

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federal prosecutors say went on for more than two years, as a lapse in judgment. Following his arrest in the state case, tcheson’s peace o cer’s license was suspended, but he continued to serve as sheriff. His role was supposed to be purely administrative at that point, but the family of a mentally ill man claims he played a key role in the man’s death. Tory Sanders had landed in Mississippi jail after getting lost and turning himself in, believing he had a warrant in his home state of Tennessee. Over the hours that

followed, he clashed with jail staff and was tased repeatedly. In a lawsuit, his family alleges Hutcheson ultimately led a team of jailers and other law enforcement into Sanders’ cell, tackling and beating him, leading to Sanders’ death. In court Monday, defense attorney Scott Rosenblum described tcheson as a good man ho successfully battled the scourge of drugs in his home county. Rosenblum asked U.S. District Judge John Ross to sentence Hutcheson to probation so that he could stay with his daughter and wife, who has been left reeling by the death of child shortly after childbirth followed by a string of miscarriages. “His family’s very existence depends on that, osenbl m told the judge. He claimed Hutcheson’s role in the jail deaths was minimal at best and attacked the credibility of the two highway patrol sergeants ho testified against the former sheriff during the hearing. “To me, when you come up here and make righteous statements you better have your house in order, osenbl m said. Assistant U.S. Attorney Gwendolyn Carroll reacted sharply to those comments. These o cers’ ho ses are in order, arroll said. She said the tragedies of tcheson family life are significant but pointed out that he had significant reso rces, incl ding a large number of relatives who attended the hearing. And she undercut his crusade against drug dealers. “It is easy to affect arrests, to affect prosecutions when you’re ignoring the onstit tion, she said. Hutcheson apologized to the troopers and his family in a short statement. As for Judge Ross, he said that while there were “some bad things happening in Mississippi o nty it asn’t clear ho m ch of the responsible for the jail deaths should fall on Hutcheson. He said it also seemed like the former sheriff was an important part of his family. But he said that any p blic o cial ho ab ses their position needed to face “significant conse ences, hich includes prison time in Hutcheson’s case. He ultimately settled on a sentence below the recommended guidelines of ten to sixteen months in prison. Along with the six months in prison and four months of home confinement, he ordered Hutcheson to undergo three years post-release supervision. n

Harry Hamm, shown in a booking photo, is facing child sex charges.

KMOX Broadcaster Needs Phone Help, Lawyer Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

ongtime radio personality Harry Hamm is struggling to figure out the phones in the St. Louis County Jail following his arrest on charges of sodomy, incest and child porn. The 77-year-old former entertainment editor at KMOX was scheduled for a bond hearing last Friday morning, but he told Judge Richard Stewart that his trouble with the inmate phones has undermined his attempts to hire an attorney, despite assurances at an earlier appearance that he would have one by Friday. Instead, he asked the judge to place him on house arrest for a week so that he could make calls from the familiarity of his home in Chesterfield. “I’m confident I could get a private attorney,” Hamm explained. Stewart declined to put Hamm on house arrest. Instead, he told him to meet with his case manager at the jail to figure out his options. St. Ann Police say Hamm was reported the week prior by his relatives, including a young boy he is accused of abusing about two weeks ago. Hamm confessed to the abuse, and a search of his phone turned up naked photos of kids in sexual positions, court documents and police say. He has been charged with statutory sodomy, incest and possession of child pornography, all felonies. Police are still investigating with an eye toward locating additional victims, authorities say. A federal investigation is also underway. He

has also been fired by KMOX. In court, Hamm spoke in a voice barely above a whisper. Once a swaggering presence around St. Louis, the U.S. Navy veteran interviewed a long list of AList celebrities, including Harrison Ford and Julia Roberts, during a radio career that spanned more than four decades. On the side, he racked up thousands of hours as a commercial pilot. His role in recent years as KMOX’s entertainment editor was more limited, with his output mostly comprised of theater and movie reviews, but he remains a well-known name on St. Louis’ airwaves. In court Friday morning, there were few signs of his former brashness. His thin hair was slicked over in the front as before, but now it was mussed in spikey strands around a bald spot in the back. He wore a baggy, tan jail jumpsuit, cinched around the ankles by shackles connected to handcuffs on his thin wrists. Hamm was jailed April 19 on a $250,000 cash bond. The conditions required that he have no contact with kids and submit to an electronic monitor, should he post bond. But Hamm has not posted bond. He has been locked up ever since his arrest. St. Louis County prosecutors want to make sure that doesn’t change. On April 22, Assistant Prosecuting Attorney Teresa Bomkamp filed a request to hold Hamm without bond while the charges are pending. Bomkamp says that prosecutors consider Hamm a threat to the community. The judge decided not to have a hearing on that issue last Friday morning so Hamm can first secure an attorney. Hamm said he had applied for a public defender. He was rejected, because he has too much money. Stewart scheduled a new hearing for this week to decide whether to appoint a lawyer for him. n

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Deep in the heart of suburbia, the St. Andrews Cinema keeps the $1 movie alive

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MAY 1-7, 2019

ristan Ratterman has a shock of curly hair, a fun sense of style and a personality that betrays the heart of an actor and the head of a promoter. The 21-year-old works two jobs, but the one he’s most passionate about may be his side hustle: playing Dr. Frank-N-Furter in the “shadow cast” at latenight screenings of The Rocky Horror Picture Show. It was the success of the Rocky Horror screenings that led to one of his paying gigs, as a manager at the St. Andrews Cinema. Ratterman is one of three managers holding down the fort at the St. Andrews, an independently owned, old-school movie house located just off the Zumbehl Road exit of I-70 in St. Charles County. On any given night, one of them keeps the 49-year-old discount cinema operating, sometimes with only a single employee to assist at the three-screen facility. atterman’s other ob, doing file manip lation and data work for Big Pharma,” might sound less e citing, b t it all fits together. ays atterman, ith a performer’s air for the otable, rom a lab coat to lingerie, these are the environments I work in between, all the while pulling popcorn out of the soles of my shoes.” or as long as movies have ickered on the screen, young people have taken jobs at movie theaters. t the t. ndre s, ith its films and af-

fordable concessions, is a bit different than that shiny, corporateowned multiplex. Just about everyone involved is young, Ratterman says, without a soul over 30. All live within a few miles of the theater. Keeping the place running is a labor of love. “Working at this movie theater is a dream job,” Ratterman says. “I work another 35 hours a week somewhere else, but I really do want to be here.” He adds, “I would love to say that I’ll still be working here in ten years, but with how the movie industry’s gone, I don’t know how it’ll survive for another ten years.” or st shy of five decades, the t. ndre s has survived, despite all the cinematic trends pointing in every other direction. While thousands of cars on a daily basis speed by the St. Andrews’ huge, highway-side signage — adorned with its funky/ artistic lettering system — it’s safe to say that many of their drivers have never stepped foot inside the theater. Their loss. Stopping here is not only a chance to take in a cheap show; it’s an opportunity to glance inside a bit of classic Americana.

ABOVE: Tristan Ratterman works his movie job for the love. RIGHT:

n December 19, 2018, south St. Louis County’s Keller 8 Cinema screened its last movies. That 2,500-seat house, which sold tickets for an affordable $3.50, announced its closure via social media only a day prior; so few people showed

The theater’s sign acts as a beacon on I-70.

Continued on pg 18

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The St. Andrews stands as a testament to the aesthetic of an era when movie theaters were central to the social life of a community.

DISCOUNT PICTURE SHOW Continued from pg 16

that evening that the night’s final showings simply didn’t screen. The Keller 8, itself a part of the Wehrenberg chain when it opened in 1988, had become a part of the tiny Rialto chain in later years, a business that halved itself with the closure of the Keller. The Keller was an outlier, one of the small number of second-run movie houses in the region that now claims an exclusive membership of only two: the St. Andrews and the St. Clair 10 in Belleville, the discount outpost of the Marcus chain. Through a slow attrition, other movie houses of this sort have closed over the years, as suburban cinemas built in the heyday of the blockbusters (the 1970s and ’80s) have shuttered, some finding ne ses like dollar stores or ban et halls, others falling into disrepair or to the wrecking ball. The reasons for the decline of neighborhood movie houses, of course, come by the bushel. A par-

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tial list would include the rise of cable T , ickly follo ed by the home theater explosion. Physical media played a role, from the wars of VHS versus Beta to the later upgrades to DVDs and Blu-rays. Today, streaming video keeps many potential moviegoers tied to their couch; increasingly, even award-bait releases can be accessed on opening weekend with a few clicks of your remote control, no need to leave the house. To compete, cinemas have battled back with everything from stadium seating to in-house restaurants. Many offer limited discount nights, often on Tuesdays. Of course, at the St. Andrews, every night is discount night and, the orkers note, the films themselves don’t always matter that much to its clientele. Seated inside the cinema’s snug ticketing booth on a recent Thursday night, manager James Fullerton doesn’t have to hard-sell the Peter Jackson film They Shall Not Grow Old to one gent at the window. Fullerton simply says “it’s a World War I documentary” before the man plunks down two dollar bills, one

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for himself and one for his son. “And that guy you just saw, with the two girls,” Fullerton says of the previous customer, “he’s here pretty much every Wednesday.” Fullerton suggests that the appeal for moviegoers is the same as it ever was. The seats and amenities at the St. Andrews remain modest by modern standards, but that hardly matters. “They like getting out of the house,” Fullerton says, “seeing the film on a bigger screen than they have at home. They like being with friends and family.” And they like doing so at that cost of a single dollar. After chatting with Fullerton, I popped into that evening’s lone showing of BumbleBee, wanting to catch pretty much anything, yet not kno ing the first thing abo t the film. The release is part of the Transformers series, which I learned in the first five min tes of bombastic, CGI-dominated action. The decades-old screen and battle-tested sound system were up to the task.) There were fewer than a dozen people in the audience on this weeknight. Even so, a

few of them bounced early, which you can afford to do when you’ve invested all of 100 cents.

hile the fate of the warrior robot BumbleBee wasn’t known ntil the film’s final few minutes, the fate of the St. Andrews Cinema has played out over a much longer period of time. Born in 1970 to accommodate the growing population of St. Charles County, the theater was founded as part of the Arthur Theatres chain. Originally a single-screen venue, the facility was later split so that it now boasts a main theater of 230 and two smaller side rooms that each seat 83. After Arthur’s time, it joined the Wehrenberg cinema group, and it eventually enjoyed a lengthy run under the proprietorship of John Moseley. Known for its active role in owning and operating local theaters, the Moseley family has had a hand in owning and/or running several area movie houses over the past three decades in different config rations. ohn oseley

Tickets spiked to $3 apiece from 2002 to 2008, but are now back to their original $1 sum. held the primary stake in the St. Andrews until late 2015, a winter that proved a turning point for the theater. That autumn, in fact, the PostDispatch reported that the theater would likely close unless a new buyer was found. Soon. As it turned out, new ownership did emerge, just in time to keep the lights on. As the P-D reported on December 17, 2015, “Srini Bhuma, one of the new owners, said Thursday the theater’s operation will continue as is with its current employees. Bollywood movies will be blended into the St. Andrews Cinema’s mi t re of estern films, said Bhuma, who lives in Ballwin.” The olly ood films have yet to show up, although the idea still holds some traction, discussed by employees as a possibility even today. As for the theater’s owners, one St. Andrews employee calls them “a consortium of IndianAmerican families.” They weren’t inclined to take part in interviews for this piece. Even if they’re averse to talking about the cinema, the owners have invested in its physical

needs. While the theater shows some signs of aging — the occasional bubbled ceiling tile, a few non-functioning seats — this isn’t the story of a building in the throes of full-blown neglect. The bathrooms are ne er and ite clean, the oors are s ept and the place is essentially intact, if just a bit worn from all those years of serving its hyper-local audience. Fullerton has been at the theater for a decade, a time that saw him move from usher to general manager. In 2015, the theater added digital projection. And in just the past couple years, he says, the new owners have overseen installation of fresh carpets, while the bathrooms have been renovated and reinforcements were added to the exterior support beams. Some of this stuff is seen by the customer, but most is just the expensive, necessary and unappreciated upkeep of an aging space. A second-run house like the St. Andrews takes a ticket split with the film’s distrib tor, sometimes just sneaking in a week, or two, of presentation before the films find

release via DVD or streaming services. At a dollar ticket price, you can imagine that ticketing brings in a modest tally. (The theater, under Moseley, charged $3 per ticket from 2002 to 2008, before reverting back to the former, low-dough price. hat profits are to be made come at the concession stand. Even those, though, are bargains at the St. Andrews, with a family (or very hungry individual) being able to splurge for a snack package deal for $10 or less. “I don’t think, from my perspective, that there’s a lot of money to be made here,” Ratterman says. “It’s a labor of love and of keeping a tradition alive. It takes that in the employee sense, too. You really have to want to work here.”

ichelle Duncan remembers her stint at St. Andrews with stories that have a little pixie dust sprinkled on top. Now living in northern California, she remembers doing a bit of everything. “Working the ticket box and as a concessionist,” she says. “I was trained as an ush-

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er.” During her tenure, from 2005 to 2012, she eventually moved into a management role. But it was her extreme attendance at the theater that led her to get a job there in the first place. Indeed, even today, workers tend to come from the ranks of regulars, or are friends of staffers. ome pass thro gh ickly, hile others log years in the service. “It’s just very nostalgic to me,” Duncan says. “We called the staff ‘the SAC Family.’ It was almost a foster family in some ways. John Moseley, before I worked there, o ld give me arters to play the arcade games. When I was in need, he handed me a $100 bill and just said, ‘Don’t cry.’ I’ll have friendships forever, ones I made there.” That includes Virginia Harold, who shot the photos for this story; she brie y orked ith ncan. Says Duncan, “My brother worked there, as well. Family is the overarching memory of it, that bit of comfort that that gave us. I don’t know how else to describe it.” Some fun was had, as a young staff might be assumed to enjoy

MAY 1-7, 2019

Continued on pg 20

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The cinema has been been updated in recent years with new carpet and renovated bathrooms.

“My whole time DISCOUNT PICTURE SHOW Continued from pg 19 there, we had these when the owner’s not around. In really old, 70mm scenes that seem straight out of a teenage romantic comedy, DunSimplex projectors. can recalls staffers doing donuts in the snowy parking lot, hanging There was an art out on the rooftop during lightning storms and pushing fellow and a sort of magic workers (seated in rolling trash cans) down the hallways. Describto showing movies ing these lighthearted moments, she pauses to voice an apology to on film. There was her old boss, Moseley. “I was a very, very young mana chaotic part to ager,” she says, in her own defense. “After working as a manit, and the lost art ager, I tried to tone it down. I didn’t want to be witness to some of projecting film of the misbehaving. I wanted to be accessible and fun. But we all makes me sad, needed to be doing our jobs. The beauty of John Moseley was that to be honest.” he’d take our side if customers were upset. He always gave us some leeway.” Even a few years back, the job of managing the St. Andrews had some very real differences to today. The largest, of many, is in

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the delivery of images. Now, huge film reels hang in different places through the theater as decorations. Not long ago, they were in play, pro ecting film. “My whole time there,” Duncan recalls, “we had these really old, 70mm Simplex projectors. There was an art and a sort of magic to sho ing movies on film. There’s an aspect that you’re not in control of, like if a hole would burn through a frame. You’d have to be in the projection booth during the sho ing yo ’d break the film down, cut and splice it while two other shows are also going. And that place didn’t necessarily have brand-ne , nice e ipment. o ’d get slammed when that would happen, or the popcorn machine would break down as you’re splicing. There was a chaotic part to it and the lost art of pro ecting film makes me sad, to be honest.” The St. Andrews didn’t really have a choice when it came to a digital conversion, Ratterman says. The film companies started heavily p shing digital over film because it saved them a lot of money,” he explains. “Eventually, it wasn’t

really an option. I don’t think there are any consistent film’ theaters around St. Louis, with only a few still having the capability to even screen film anymore. o kno , the digital conversion the studios forced caused a lot of smaller independent cinemas to close. Many couldn’t afford the enormous cost associated with digital projection. It’s insane the amount of work it takes to keep them up to date and running as well.” That all takes place out of the customers’ sightlines, but at the St. Andrews, they have been another indelible part of the experience. Countless students from nearby Lindenwood University have found a home base at the St. Andrews, as have youngsters from all over nearby St. Charles and even northwest St. Louis County. Though a part of the theater is obscured from I-70 by a strip mall, there’s a fairly large housing development just to the west and it’s not uncommon, the managers say, to see folks walking, cycling or even skateboarding to the theater from nearby neighborhoods. Continued on pg 23

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At the St. Andrews, even the concessions are bargains: a snack package deal is $10 or less.

DISCOUNT PICTURE SHOW Continued from pg 20

“The majority of the customer base,” Duncan recalls of her time at the theater, “came from families. Everybody could come out and see a movie for $3 or $4. They might not even buy popcorn. They could all come in, watch a movie and leave without spending the usual $40 or more. We had a lot of kids, college students, high school kids, or just lower-income people. “Absolutely, we had customers who would come in and see every film, especially in the s mmertime. We’d be open all day back then and cater to summer daycare programs, when they’d bring in a whole busload of kids. That’d keep us going on days like that. I remember these three kids from Oregon, who were traveling the country. They were like, ‘We don’t know anything about this movie, but we’ll pay $3 just to sit in the A/C.’” e ecting back on her years of being a teen with piercings and purple hair but also management

responsibilities, Duncan says, “I think working at a theater is a brilliant first ob. o ’re dealing with customers and how to work around other humans in a challenging environment. The problem-solving you learn in those moments is priceless.”

or years, the St. Andrews featured an organist named Dale Ainsworth, who’d play songs before and after movies, giving the place that extra bit of old-school, live entertainment air. The player may be gone, but the organ remains. It needs work, but as Tristan Ratterman offers an expert’s tour of the facility, he fig res that the classic instrument will eventually be back in operation “to give us that St. Andrews atmosphere.” Ratterman has that kind of can-do vibe, even if he doesn’t have the ultimate call when it comes to the theater’s checkbook. And while he may not own the place, he strides through the maze of hallways, past the nooks and crannies and old stor-

age closets and retired gear with the spirit of someone very much within his element. At the concession stand, he points out that kids are now pouring their Nerds into their slushies. Behind the main house’s massive screen, he references knick-knacks from other theaters, which Moseley bought and stashed here. Even the countless rolls of toilet paper that are unfurled at Rocky Horror showings get a mention. He’s a details guy. It’s when he speaks about Rocky Horror, though, that Ratterman really gets animated. His recall of former local shadow-casting troupes, his desire to time travel back to U. City’s Varsity Theatre during Rocky Horror’s glory days in St. Louis, his knowledge of the acting chops of his current crew … it’s all heartwarming. The show he keeps alive with his crew, Flustered Mustard, has moved around a little, but it’s back at the St. Andrews soon after some showings elsewhere: a classic midnight movie, playing at an unpretentious, suburban movie house.

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“I’m in charge of The Rocky Horror Picture Show and special events in general,” he says. “That’s where my role falls today. ... The owners pop in to see about supplies, make sure that paychecks are going out. But they let us run the day-to-day operations. We see the bo o ce reports, e have some say as far as movies, especially with special events. I’d say this place runs independently, for better or worse. “There’s almost no social media,” he says, with a bit of wonder. “There’s absolutely no paid advertising, which is amazing with how social-media-focused the world’s become. But people don’t mind. They come in for the first time and say, ‘Oh, this is an old-school theater.’ They find it fantastic and reassuring.” The next shadow-casted performance of the Rocky Horror Picture Show by Flustered Mustard takes place at the St. Andrews Cinema, 2025 Golfway, St. Charles, on the weekend of May 10. Dollar shows, meanwhile, play daily, with screenings at roughly 4 and 7 p.m.

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CALENDAR CALENDAR

BYPAUL PAULFRISWOLD FRISWOLD BY

THURSDAY 05/02 Queens of Japan QFest, Cinema St. Louis’ spotlight on G T films, closes ith Toshio Matsumoto’s seminal Japanese e ave film, Funeral Parade of Roses. Set in 1960s Tokyo’s demimonde of drag bars and divas, it stars act al cl b dancer t as ar Genet’s most pop lar drag dancer, ddie. Gonda, the o ner of the bar, promises ddie he’ll make the s eet yo ng thing the madame of the bar and get rid of the c rrent holder of the position, eda. ddie ill also take eda’s place as Gonda’s lover, b t eda on’t be so easily overthro n. ats moto gilds this love triangle ith psychedelic m sic, intervie s ith the actors, dr gs, cartoon ord balloons and avant garde short films, creating a sing lar doc ment of a transformative period in apan’s c lt re. Funeral Parade of Roses is sho n at p.m. Thursday, May 2, at the Landmark Tivoli Theatre elmar o levard niversity ity . cinemastlo is.org . Tickets are to .

e hibit contin es thro gh

Drink for Good ift for ife Gym, hich provides eightlifting e ipment and training for nderserved yo th in St. Louis, is funded entirely by donations and its regular f ndraising events. The biggest of these fundraisers is St. Louis Microfest, a -year-old celebration of beer, local food and good times. This year’s icrofest again features three sessions spread across t o days in the pper ny parking lot in orest ark .stlmicrofest.org . o b y a ticket for the session that fits yo r sched le to p.m. riday, to p.m. at rday or to p.m. at rday ay and and then collect yo r sample glass to use at stations manned by more than bre eries not all ill be participating at every session . ocals ivil ife, ands, arthbo nd and enter

One of the paintings in Jenna Bauer’s The Respite Sequence. | COURTESY OF HOFFMAN LACHANCE from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m. Saturday, May 4, along Cherokee Street bet een ebraska and efferson aven es .cincodemayostl. com . l ampeon, l hico akery, l Torito, a allesana and anita’s e ican ood ill help feed yo r face hile yo en oy the live entertainment of lma de e ico ance Troop, arlos are and ariachi evo teca. Is anything better than a really great mariachi band The al ays pop lar eople’s oy arade of oats, bicycles, art pro ects and cost med marchers kicks off at p.m. at innesota ven e and herokee. dmission is once again free, b t bring cash so yo can s pport local b sinesses.

FRIDAY 05/03 Take a Break esponding to the comple ity and an iety of the past five years, artist Jenna Bauer embarked on a ne collection of ork, The Respite Sequence. Initially begun hile caring for her father, the series started ith oil paintings. rom a distance they appear to be soft-edged landscapes as yo approach each piece, yo notice the slashes of intersecting lines that criss-cross the s rface. Is it the ind ho ling across the landscapes, or is the internal b ing of a mind riven by stress, orry and fear re ected on the s rface a er’s bl rred paintings are accompanied by so nd installations and some sc lpt ral pieces. Jenna Bauer: The Respite Sequence opens ith a free reception from to p.m. riday, ay , at offman a hance ontemporary tton o levard, aple ood .hoffmanlachance.com . The

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Cherokee Street celebrates Mexican culture on Saturday. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI

Ice ill all be there, along ith big boys s ch as G inness and einenk gel’s. ood ill be sold on site by the am, ission Taco oint and ogart’s moke o se. ntertainment ranges from singer-song riter hna choenhoff to the al ays pop lar re ers’ lympics. Tickets are to per session, and proceeds go to Lift for Life Gym.

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SATURDAY 05/04 Fiesta de Sabado Cinco de Mayo: A Cherokee Street Festival is one of the largest and best outdoor parties in the city, b t there’s al ays room for more. ome o t and celebrate e ican c lt re, art and food

SUNDAY 05/05 That Frisco Fog anadian film director G y addin is reno ned for his ability to create believable and yet bi arre orlds. rom his asi-m sical The Saddest Music in the World to his silent memoir/nightmare Brand Upon the Brain!, Maddin’s films esche reality for an otherorldliness that’s both familiar and ncanny. addin’s latest pro -

WEEKOF OFMAY MAY2-8 2-8 WEEK ect is strangely derivative of both itchcock and do ens of other directors. The Green Fog combines snippets of n mero s films and T sho s that all depict an rancisco, mbling them all together in an emerald-tinted ha e to tell a non-linear narrative inspired by Vertigo. ven for addin, it’s an n s al film. The ebster ilm eries presents The Green Fog at p.m. nday, ay , at ebster niversity’s oore ditori m ast ock ood ven e . ebster.ed .film-series . Tickets are to , and if yo need a refresher on Vertigo, the series sho s that on riday, ay . or f ll revie , see page in ilm.

MONDAY 05/06 Mr. Batmom’s Back ot on the heels of his very s ccessf l first atman movie cleverly titled Batman , Tim rton ret rned to the sci-fi rt eco Gotham of his dreams ith Batman Returns another great title . ichael eaton is also back as a very sane, emotionally balanced atman and r ce ayne . This time o t, he m st deal ith the macabre eng in anny e ito and the some hat mad at oman ichelle feiffer . hristopher alken plays silver-haired mil-

Toshio Matsumoto’s Funeral Parade of Roses closes QFest. | ARBELOS FILMS

lionaire a chreck, ho teams p ith eng in to take control of the city. The tone is definitely darker than the first rton Batman, mostly beca se eng in is absol tely grotes e, ith sharp gray teeth and a habit of snarling aro nd mo thf ls of ra fish. Still, anything’s better than Christian ale’s sotto voce psychopath or at- leck’s do r br te. arner ros. and omics celebrate years of Batman by re-releasing the s incarnations in theaters for a limited time. o can see Batman Returns at p.m. onday, ay , at arc s ehrenberg onnies ine o th indbergh o levard .fathomevents.com . Tickets are . .

TUESDAY 05/07 Funny Writing

The Green Fog stars San Francisco. | COURTESY BALCONY FILMS

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ocal literary o rnals Natural Bridge and Boulevard celebrate the release of their respective spring iss es ith a oint reading. n the bill is eming ay a ard inner Weike Wang, hose novel Chemistry has been called the most ass red novel abo t indecisiveness yo ’ll ever read Gabe ontesanti, kno n to roller derby fans as oan of park and essayist hristopher andice. The event ill feat re all the riters reading their comedic orks it’s hosted by local comic Tina ybal. It starts at p.m. T esday, ay , at the chla y Tap oom oc st treet .schla y.com , and admission is free. n

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FILM

[REVIEW]

Cities by the Bay Guy Maddin’s haunting The Green Fog reimagines Vertigo with San Francisco as the star Written by

ROBERT HUNT The Green Fog Directed by Guy Maddin, Evan Johnson and Galen Johnson. Shown at 7:30 p.m. Sunday, May 5, at Webster University’s Moore Auditorium.

he idea of visual artists recreating or altering elements from Hollywood’s past is no longer an unusual one. In the last few years galleries have hosted installations of Psycho projected at a rate of two frames per second, the robbery scene in Dog Day Afternoon has been re-enacted by its real-life subject, and — in probably the most acclaimed and extensive of these postmodern appropriations — video artist Christian Marclay made a 24-hour fantasy solely from film images of clocks and watches, The Clock. The innipeg-based filmmaker Guy Maddin has frequently experimented with the formal language of cinema, producing baroque, mannered variations on archaic silent film techni es and creating parodies of highmodernist styles that never really existed before. With The Green Fog, arguably the most ambitious experiment of his 35-year career, addin makes a claim on film language that is markedly different from the aforementioned gallery works. Foraging through miles of old movies and television shows, he dismantles the cinematic past as a way of reconstructing it. Drawing entirely on recycled footage, Maddin and co-directors Evan and Galen Johnson have fashioned a remake — if you really stretch the definition of lfred Hitchcock’s Vertigo, the muchadmired story of murder, deception and neurotic, obsessive love.

San Francisco looks great at any age in The Green Fog. | COURTESY OF BALCONY FILMS The film is the story of a an Francisco detective with a fear of heights. When a woman he’s hired to follow leaps to her death from a church tower, he’s consumed with guilt. He meets a woman with a slight resemblance to the deceased and projects his obsession onto her with tragic results. (You’d be well advised to catch a screening of the itchcock film at the ebster ilm eries on riday, ay . You know the old game where someone whispers a message to a second person, who whispers it to a third, until the message itself has completely altered or disappeared altogether? The Green Fog uses a similar method to reconstr ct itchcock’s film, recreating it not thro gh dialog e or specific actions but through purely visual associations. Drawing heavily on ‘70s crime shows, including The Streets of San Francisco and McMillan & Wife, Maddin creates connections to Vertigo by reusing a particular camera angle, a detail in the set decoration or even just

the rhythm of an edited sequence. early every aspect of the film — the watered-down colors and sledgehammer editing of TV drama and the sudden, unexpected appearances (and just as sudden disappearances of arl alden, la de kins, eg yan and dozens of other familiar faces — a nts its discontin ity and challenges the vie er to find meaning in the clutter. Yet somehow the themes and spirit of Vertigo creep through, almost eerily. It’s fitting that this c rio s variation on Hitchcock’s odd, disconcerting film is itself nsettling. In some ways it even transcends Vertigo to create its own crazy reality of halted moments and recurring calamities. Characters meet in resta rants, sit in o ces poring over documents and drive aimlessly through the crooked streets. Maddin and company have removed most of the dialogue, so the characters rarely speak. They grunt, gasp and sigh, but they’re helpless to communicate, frus-

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tratingly trapped in a narrative that remains unexpressed. We recognize the reassuring conventions of movies and television, but they’re malfunctioning. The familiar back-and-forth connections of film editing have been knocked off track like a skipped record. Despite the shifting heroes (one minute he’s Michael Douglas, the ne t he’s h ck orris or ndy Garcia and nnerving silence, a protagonist gradually emerges: the city of an rancisco. addin reveals and celebrates the city’s role as a cinematic fi t re, its winding, vertiginous streets playing host to everything from cops and crooks (Bullitt and the irty arry series to alien invaders (the 1978 Invasion of the Body Snatchers . The Green Fog owes its fragmented narrative to Hitchcock, but it’s also a testament to the consistent appeal of that eternally photogenic metropolis, as much a part of the romance and obsession of Vertigo as im ovak’s haunting half-smile. n

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314.391.5100 9 S. VANDEVENTER AVE. ST. LOUIS, MO 63108 The fast-fresh, made-to-order concept has been applied to everything from pizza to pasta in St. Louis, but the sushi burrito surprisingly had no Gateway City home until BLK MKT Eats opened near Saint Louis University last fall. It was worth the wait, though, because BLK MKT Eats combines bold flavors and convenience into a perfectly wrapped package that’s ideal for those in a rush. Cousins and co-owners Kati Fahrney and Ron Turigliatto offer a casual menu full of high-quality, all-natural NOT AVERAGE SPOT ingredients that fit everything you love about YOUR sushi and burritos right in your SUSHI hand. The Swedish Fish layers Scandinavian cured salmon, yuzu dill VANDEVENTER slaw, PersianDINE-IN, cucumbers andORavocado forMON-SAT a fresh 11AM-9PM flavor ex9 SOUTH TAKEOUT DELIVERY plosion. Another favorite, the OG Fire, features your choice of spicy tuna or salmon alongside tempura crunch, masago, shallots, jalapeño and piquant namesake sauce; Persian cucumbers and avocado soothe your tongue from the sauce’s kick. All burrito rolls come with sticky rice wrapped in nori or can be made into poké bowls, and all items can be modified for vegetarians.

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Spencer’s Grill is a historic diner in the heart of downtown Kirkwood. Bill Spencer opened the Grill on Route 66 back in 1947. Over 70 years later a lot has changed but the diner is still a timeless staple cherished by locals. These days Alex Campbell is the owner and the road goes by S. Kirkwood, but the old grill lives on. Known for its breakfast, Spencer’s cooks up crispy pancakes, from scratch biscuits and gravy, omelets, hash browns, and other traditional breakfast favorites. For the after breakfast crowds, Spencer’s offers a variety of lunch options including sandwiches as well as some of the best burgers in town. Jake Sciales (previously head chef at Farmhaus) runs the kitchen at Spencer’s and creates delicious off-menu specials daily. His culinary excellence makes even the most familiar dishes divine.The charming breakfast bar is welcoming and the service is friendly and fast. Mornings can be busy but the lines move quickly and breakfast comes out fast. Looking for a new breakfast spot? If you haven’t tried Spencer’s yet, you need to check it out. Spencer’s Grill is open 6AM until 2PM seven days a week.

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Housed in a retro service station, J. Smugs GastroPit serves up barbecue that can fuel anyone’s fire. Married teams of Joe and Kerri Smugala and John and Linda Smugala have brought charred goodness to the Hill neighborhood, nestled among the traditional Italian restaurants, sandwich shops and bakeries. Part of St. Louis’ ongoing barbecue boom, the J. Smugs’ pit menu is compact but done right. Ribs are the main attraction, made with a spicy dry rub and smoked to perfection. Pulled pork, brisket, turkey and chicken are also in the pit holding up well on their own, but squeeze bottles of six tasty sauces of varying style are nearby for extra punch. Delicious standard sides and salads are available, but plan on ordering an appetizer or two J. Smugs gives this course a twist with street corn and pulled-pork poutine. Several desserts are available, including cannoli – a tasty nod to the neighborhood. Happy hour from 4 to 7pm on weekdays showcases half-dollar BBQ tastes, discount drinks, and $6 craft beer flights to soothe any beer aficionado.

Several, long-beloved Irish pubs have staked a claim to being the most-authentic in town, though a strong case be made for one of the newer entrants. Located in the historic and scenic Alton, IL, Morrison’s Irish Pub brings all the elements of a great Irish pub under one roof - which, in this particular case, dates way back to 1865. Live music’s on-hand, with a strong selection of the area’s finest Irish and Irish-tinged groups and solo performers, heard from Thursday-Saturday nights. The selections of whiskey and beer reflect just the right touches of domestic and imported options, with plenty of favorites on-hand, including a wide-and-deep selection of Irish whiskeys that’d rival any other spirits menu in town. But it’s the menu that really solidifies the deal, with corned beef and cabbage, leek soup, Irish stew and Irish soda bread all available on a daily basis, along with rotating specials. Fare such as burgers, salads and wraps add to the traditional Irish fare, giving families a host of options. Open every day but Monday, Morrison’s offers a legit Irish pub feel without any artificial ingredients.

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Treat yourself to an elevated culinary experience. With spring’s arrival, OAKED introduces its Pink Moon menu. Diners can order the entire menu inside the speakeasy-feeling lounge, upstairs in the spacious dining room, and now on the beautiful New Orleans-style patio dubbed “the Veranda”. Chef Stephan Ledbetter and crew create new dishes each menu using the finest available ingredients while keeping past winners. This time around includes Duck Breast with charred Cabbage; Ratatouille with Spaghetti Squash and Vegan Burrata; and the housegem - Wild Mushrooms served with Duxellé, Truffle and Mushroom Tea. OAKED ensures their menu includes several vegan and gluten-free options so everyone can savor their evening. OAKED also has one of the better curated wine list in town alongside a selection of whiskeys and craft cocktails. It even has a small cigar bar outside on “the Gallery”. Offering Happy Hour specials from 4-6 daily. Music in the lounge Thursdays, Fridays and Saturdays. Ample parking. Walk-ins are welcome, but reservations are recommended.

There aren’t many businesses named after Adam Sandler movies, but at the Blue Duck, the food is as whimsical as its “Billy Madison” reference. Originally founded in Washington, Mo., owners Chris and Karmen Rayburn opened the Blue Duck’s Maplewood outpost in 2017, bringing with them a seasonal menu full of American comfort-food dishes that are elevated with a dash of panache. Start the meal with the savory fried pork belly, which is rubbed with coffee and served with a sweet bbq sauce and root vegetable slaw. For the main event, the Duck’s signature DLT sandwich substitutes succulent smoked duck breast instead of the traditional bacon, adding fried egg and honey chipotle mayo along with lettuce and tomato on toasted sourdough. Save room for dessert; the Blue Duck’s St. Louberry pie – strawberries and blueberries topped with a gooey buttercake-like surface – is a worthy tribute to the Gateway City.

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CAFE

[REVIEW]

Pigs Might Fly Cortex newcomer the Chocolate Pig has delicious desserts, but could use a bit more innovation Written by

CHERYL BAEHR The Chocolate Pig 4220 Duncan Avenue, 314-272-3230. Mon.Thurs. 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Fri. 11 a.m.-midnight; Sat. 10 a.m.-midnight. Sun 10 a.m.-3 p.m.

n the o ce b ildings above the hocolate ig, entreprene rs, start p fo nders and b siness leaders b abo t, bringing to life the innovations that are helping to transform t. o is into a modern economy. The s rro nding area is, after all, called the orte Innovation istrict, so the foc s is on p shing o r e pectations of ho things can be. It’s fitting that something like the ean t tter omb is being served on the gro nd oor of orte ’s Innovation all. ot merely a dessert, the dish is a total sensory e perience nlike any other in to n. dark chocolate sphere the si e of a softball is s rro nded by pean t b tter cookie cr mbles and li id-nitrogen-treated berries, a process that free e-dries the berries so that they dissolve on the tong e like a hole-fr it version of ippin’ ots. nd that’s only part of the sho the drama comes co rtesy of a arm berry sa ce that is slo ly po red over the chocolate ball, melting a ay the shell to reveal a cool pean t b tter mo sse ith more cookie cr mbles and nitrogen berries. olten and fro en, silken and crispy, the ean t tter omb forces yo to hold several con icting phenomena in yo r mind at once, an e perience that is tterly ni e and positively thrilling. o ’d e pect s ch pastry pro ess from the hocolate ig, the latest resta rant from the ity locks ospitality Gro p. Its sister company, after all, is the revered local chocolatier issinger’s. o -

The Chocolate Pig’s desserts include a vegan pavlova with sour cherry, Tahitian vanilla bean meringue and nitro rose petals. | MABEL SUEN ever, s eets are only part of the story here. eeking a resta rant that o ld fit its ethos, orte had iss ed a reest for proposals, and asked ity locks to consider responding. The company had little time to p t together a proposal, b t that proved to be no problem. fter ity locks closed its entral est nd eatery andcrafted by issinger’s, managing partner ate T rner had been tossing aro nd the idea of opening another resta rant. he even had the name on standby. s she and her team sketched o t hat the hocolate ig meant to them, they homed in on an elevated comfort-food concept that o ld revolve aro nd nose-to-tail cooking hile also honoring its relationship ith its chocolate-foc sed sister company. fter orte a arded ity locks the resta rant space, its team began searching for the people to bring their ideas to life. n the savory side, they fo nd atrick ssell, ho had demonstrated his passion for farm-to-

table cooking at ield ain in arshall, irginia. or the s eets, they called pon Tyler avis, ho had made a name for himself as the pastry chef at lement and a contestant on the ood et ork’s Halloween Baking Championship. They also enlisted rett lark of the local interior design firm avvy rro nding tyle to create a space that felt o ing and ro nd. To that end, there are no -degree angles in the resta rant alls are c rved, m lti-dimensional and appear almost id, like ribbons of blonde ood. In the dining room, that light-colored ood forms the tables and chairs dark ta pe leather covers the ban ettes. The separate bar and lo nge area, filled ith hightop tables, has a similar ne traltoned aesthetic. pastry bar allo s diners to belly p to the pastry sho kitchen and atch as the magic is made. hef ssell’s savory selections have their moments of magic as ell. The resta rant’s r na ay hit, the chicken-fried r ssels

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spro ts, are positively addictive thanks to their thick coating of peppery breading. The deepfried veggies sit atop a layer of creamy b ttermilk dressing. They are accented ith pickled onions and confit lemons, hich both temper the salt and spice of the breading, adding intrig ing comple ity to hat is other ise a plate of p re comfort. ssell elevates the h mble deviled egg by adding pieces of smoked chicken, tangy t. o isstyle barbec e sa ce and pi ant s eet peppers to the s al mayom stard filling. The additions give the dish both savory depth and brightness, hile crispy chicken skins provide te t re something all too often lacking in this picnic staple. fter s ch rich appeti ers, the beet ceviche is a elcome plate of refreshment. The pink-colored c bes, identical in appearance to ra t na, are dressed in lime and garlic, inf sing every bite ith brightness. livers of pickled ala-

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THE CHOCOLATE PIG Continued from pg 31

pe o tingle the tong e ith heat, aking the palate. The dish provides elcome balance to the other ise decadent first co rses. The most s ccessf l entree is the pork chop, a massive h nk of meat that is a lessly cooked, its esh the color of pink rose petals. The pork is lightly gla ed in miso and m stard, hich enhance the meat itho t covering it p. nd tho gh pairing pork ith candied s eet potatoes and braised collard greens isn’t e actly gro ndbreaking, the satisfying s eetness of both sho hy it’s s ch a classic combination of avors. or all of its s ccesses, the savory side of the men has a fe areas that need improvement. The seared diver scallops, for instance, ere cooked ell and tho ghtf lly served alongside b ttern t s ash p ree and a p mpkin relish that bro ght o t the shellfish’s nat ral s eetness. I st ished for a larger portion. roasted half-chicken, ho ever, as nder-seasoned and overcooked, and the accompanying jus lie a thickened pan sa ce as salty. o ’d think one o ld correct for the other, b t they

failed to integrate into a cohesive seasoning level. y least favorite dish, ho ever, as the acon light, a trio of beef, lamb and pork bacon, each served ith vario s acco trements. ach version as che y, bordering on erky, b t the garnishes ere an even bigger problem. The beef bacon came ith s eet soy sa ce and as garnished ith a ick kimchi that delivered no heat and barely registered. The pork bacon as dri led ith a sherry and coffee gastri e, tho gh again, the avors got lost. s for the olive, tomato and caper tapenade accompanying the lamb, I o ld have preferred a lackl ster impact to the salty, almost p ttanesca-like avor. It e acerbated the gaminess of the concentrated lamb avor in a ay that as npleasant. In the middle of all this, an herbed hite chocolate sa ce pooled in the center of the plate. erhaps it o ld have orked in the absence of other condiments in the same ay that some get en oyment from p tting bacon on do ghn ts b t hen presented in concert ith everything else, it as too m ch. The ilk and ereal dessert proved a m ch better marriage of s eet and savory. rio s

d lce de leche cream is s rro nded by carameli ed pork rinds that mimic the cr nch yo get from cereal. T o dollops of malted milk ice cream bob in the d lce de leche sa ce, and, as an added to ch of himsy, carameli ed bananas complete the plate a nod to adding sliced bananas to yo r morning bo l of cereal. nother reimagining of the familiar is the resta rant’s version of a candy bar. ere, maple bacon ice cream is coated in dark chocolate that has been segmented to look like a thick chocolate bar. hen yo break open the e terior shell, the ice cream o s o t, mingling ith the cr mble of ha eln ts and toffee and dollops of caramel sa ce. It’s a sho stopper. I fo nd myself consistently da led by every single thing that came o t of that pastry kitchen, not only beca se these offerings tasted nice, b t beca se they ere creative, ne pected and nlike most of hat’s available on dessert men s at other local resta rants. n oying these s eet treats in an e ally ni e setting felt nat ral and, more to the point, in keeping ith the spirit of orte . o ever, there as something off abo t the overall dining e -

perience. re, there ere a fe missteps on the savory side of the men , b t the food as, for the most part, good and on some occasions, really good. The problem as not in the e ec tion it as that the savory concept did not seem to fit ith the overall ethos of innovation that is s pposedly the resta rant’s driving force. There as nothing on the men that I haven’t been seeing at every other area gastrop b farm-totable nose-to-tail seasonal merican resta rant the last fe years. The men seemed to belong more to a circacomfort food hiskey bar o tfitted ith reclaimed ood and dison lightb lbs than in a comm nity and resta rant aiming for the f t re. The name even says as m ch, evoking the handf l of porcine-named places that have spr ng p aro nd to n over the years. hef ssell kno s ho to cook, so I have hope that, once the concept mat res, the hocolate ig ill find its voice nder his capable hands. fter all, in orte , potential inspiration is every here.

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SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

She’s Got Your Dream Job: Bourbon Taster Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

or Jackie Zykan, “medical school” seemed like the right response whenever someone asked what she wanted to do with her life. Granted, she was just in high school, but she excelled at chemistry and biology and was fascinated with how the human body worked. However nat ral the fit may have seemed, though, it didn’t take long for her to realize it wasn’t her path. “In high school you’re still a baby and being asked to make these life decisions,” Zykan says. “You make decisions based on what you think you should do — not just what you impose on yourself, but what others impose on you. But as I got into the alcohol industry space, and saw how professional it could be, I realized that it’s OK to be passionate about this. I’m not doing anything wrong.” A St. Louis transplant now living in Louisville, Zykan has found her way to the upper echelon of the bourbon business as “master taster” for Old Forester bourbon. Praised for her “off the charts palate,” in the words of the ABV Network, she’s the brand’s quality control, charged with making sure the bourbon meets its high standards by sampling the product and developing its tasting notes. She got her start in the business about thirteen years ago in her hometown, beginning as a server and working her way up to bartender. She fell in love with all aspects of bartending from the get-go, but she didn’t consider it a career path. Those feelings changed when she moved to Louisville after her husband was offered a job there. Questioning what she wanted to

Jackie Zykan needed to leave St. Louis to find her destiny in bourbon. | COURTESY OF BROWN-FOREMAN do with her life, she again found herself behind the bar — and this time around, the answer was becoming clear. “It used to be that I would run into someone I went to high school with when I was bartending, and they would tell me how they were an acco ntant at some firm. I felt shamed for that,” Zykan explains. “Once I came here, I was completely unapologetic about what I was doing. I’m able to do what I love and not feel ashamed for it. Once I hit that o , I never looked back. Within two weeks of being hired as a bartender in Louisville, she was promoted to bar manager. Not long after that, her employer opened a second location and promoted her to beverage director. Since many of the top bourbon brands are located in the area, the job allowed her to get to know many prominent players. t first, her relationship with the brands consisted of them doing events at her bars. Eventually, some began asking her to create signature cocktails; the next thing she knew, she was being called upon to do

spots on television to promote the cocktails she created. Zykan began to make a name for herself in the business and found herself being pulled into the branding side of the business. However, she wasn’t going to make the leap for just any bourbon — she had her eye on one in particular. “The one brand I always felt that I was holding out for is Old Forester,” Zykan says. “It’s historic, and iconic, and the Louisville hometown bourbon. It’s what bourbon is supposed to be. If you have an offer to work for a brand like this, you don’t say no. Zykan was hired by Old Forester to be its master taster, a dream gig that she describes as a hybrid between marketing and production. When the company creates a new product, she’s the one who makes sure it’s up to snuff. She also leads the cocktail and marketing strategy as well as the company’s bourbon education program — the part of the job that appeals most to her. “There are a lot of people out there who don’t drink bourbon —

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even in Kentucky,” Zykan says. “If I can make you a cocktail and turn you into a bourbon drinker, that’s exciting. When you have the opportunity to explain to someone the different aromatics and avors, it resonates and can be very emotional and trigger something. You see it on their face at that moment. That a glass of whiskey inspired something that is near and dear to the heart is powerful.” Zykan frequently travels back to St. Louis, where she never misses a chance to check out what’s happening in the local beverage scene and crush some St. Louis-style pizza. She took a break from her master taster duties to share her thoughts on pre-bottled sour mix, the importance of breakfast and the things she misses about her hometown — especially the Missouri Baking Company. What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? I’m honest to a fault. I think it comes across sometimes as harsh

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JACKIE ZYKAN Continued from pg 35

or insensitive. I assure you, I’m just really direct and short on time. Bullshit has no place here. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you? Breakfast. I am worthless without it. And not, like, a doughnut. BREAKFAST-BREAKFAST. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? Well, since I recently lost the power of invisibility, I’ll go with telekinesis. What is the most positive trend in food, beer, wine or cocktails that you’ve noticed in the beverage business over the past year? Honestly, it’s an overarching sense of camaraderie in the industry as a whole. Trade-focused groups are growing and the com-

munity in general is becoming more close knit and supportive of each other. What is one thing missing or that you’d like to see in the local food and beverage scene? St. Louis is so diehard about its namesake offerings; I would love to see us invent/exclusively offer one that perhaps comes with a little less guilt upon consumption. Who is your St. Louis food or drink crush? Every single person that works at the Missouri Baking Company. Who’s the one person to watch right now in the St. Louis food and beverage scene? Tim Wiggins of Retreat Gastropub and Yellowbelly is, hands down, one of my favorite people and has nowhere to go but up. It’s very exciting to see where his journey takes him. Which ingredient is most repre-

sentative of your personality? Bourbon. It possesses an undeniably old soul and is exceptionally versatile. Might take a minute to get used to it sometimes, but the attempt is almost guaranteed to pay off. It’s also one of those situations where your mom warned you if you consume too much of something you turn into it ... just saying. If someone asked you to describe the current state of St. Louis’ food and beverage climate, what would you say? I think the independent concepts are still struggling under the pressure of chains, whether it be small regionals or massive national/global players. The best thing one can do to preserve the culture of St. Louis or anywhere really is to support the local businesses. If you were not the master taster, what would you be doing? I o ld be r nning a o er

shop and perfumery. Name an ingredient never allowed behind your bar. Pre-bottled sour mix. What do you do in your off time? It’s sparse at best anymore, but when it’s there I disappear into the woods with zero cell service and no alcohol. I actually prefer to come back to Missouri for the Ozark riverways. It’s really the only place where my mind has to submit and accept that it can’t discern the boundary where the air around me stops and my skin begins. What’s your guilty pleasure? Gummy bears. It’s sick, I know. I’m an adult. And I will annihilate an entire bag in minutes. What would be your last meal on earth? My better half’s osso bucco. A 2009 Châteauneuf-du-Pape. Tiramisu from Lotsa Pasta in Louisville. n

[FOOD NEWS]

Pretzel Pretzel Doubles Down on South County Written by

SARAH FENSKE

wo years ago, a pair of former high school sweethearts opened a pretzel shop in Affton. Pretzel Pretzel (9614 Gravois Road, Affton; 314631-8000) has been such a hit, the owners are now doubling down on the pretzel business: They plan to open a second shop on Telegraph Road just south of I-255 in June. A complete build-out is currently underway on the new location, a strip mall storefront at 4338 Telegraph Road. Co-owner Anthony Simmons says they’re converting a former la o ce to add a full kitchen. But while Simmons is part owner, he says his partner Amber Scurlock will take the lead there. Scurlock, who’s raising their four boys just across the river in Illinois, says she wanted something close to home — and can’t wait for her new seven-minute commute.

Amber Scurlock is the driving force behind Pretzel Pretzel’s second location. | COURTESY OF AMBER SCURLOCK Beyond that, she says, the 1,200square-foot shop should be perfect in every way. “Everything’s going to be nice and new and clean in there,” she promises. “And we’ve got plenty of parking, so that’s exciting.” Indeed, parking has been a problem at the Affton original — but it’s a good problem to have, in that Simmons and Scurlock have attracted more customers than they can al ays find space for. (They’re currently working on adding stairs to allow access to a side lot, which will add ten ad-

ditional parking spots.) The shop has won a devoted following for its New York-style pretzels and nuggets, as well as meat-stuffed pretzels. They’re also getting ready to roll out a “stuffed pretzel of the month” in collaboration with St. Louis restaurants. As for the secret to their success, Scurlock says simply, “We always have hot, fresh pretzels. It takes eight minutes, but it’s worth it, because everything is fresh.” immons and c rlock first met as the new kids in school as juniors in Bismarck, Missouri —

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his family had moved from the city, which meant leaving Bishop DuBourg High School, and hers had moved from Dupo, Illinois. They’ve now been together for nineteen years, and when Simmons left Gus’ Pretzels after fourteen years to start a business of his own, he knew Scurlock was the perfect partner in the venture. “We both love pretzels,” he says. Now that love is taking them further south. But that’s not the only direction Pretzel Pretzel will be going; the partners have plans to open a west county location by 2020. n

MAY 1-7, 2019

RIVERFRONT TIMES

[FIRST LOOK]

Fried? There’s a Menu for That Written by

CHELSEA NEULING

t’s time to get Fried. Fried (1330 Washington Avenue) is a cannabis-themed restaurant that serves both fried food and CBDinfused sauces. Located in the shadow of the City Museum, the counter-service spot celebrated its opening in mid-April. Fried is the newest eatery from restaurateur/chef Derek Schulze, and his second to open on Wash Ave. It’s in the former home of Red Oak Eats ’n Treats, which changed its name and concept to Red Oak Biscuits and moved to Cherokee Street last November. Schulze also plans to open another spot on Wash Ave called Beef Bar (date

[BARS]

Brennan’s Is Now Pouring in Midtown Written by

SARAH FENSKE

f you’re a fan of Brennan’s (4659 Maryland Avenue, 314-4 97-4449) — and seriously, who isn’t a fan of Brennan’s? — you’ll want to check this out: The beloved bar’s sister spot opened its bar for the first time last week. Brennan’s Work & Leisure (3015 Locust Street, 314-620-3969), the Midtown spinoff of the Central West End original, opened its doors last year. But it’s existed to date as a co-working space and a daytime cafe, with hours from 7:30 a.m. to 3 p.m. on weekdays and no weekend or evening availability. That changed last Friday — with the debut of a drinks lineup similar to that at the original location, a food menu courtesy of chef Ben McArthur and regular evening hours four days a week. The bar now plans to be open Wednesdays and Thursday from 4:30 to 11 p.m. and Friday and Saturday from 4:30 to midnight.

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Sandwiches include the “Hindu Kush Pre-Roll.” | CHELSEA NEULING TBD). Schulze’s parents live on a farm in Warrenton, Missouri, which is the source of some of his fresh ingredients. After moving to Chicago, California and then back to Chicago, Schulze explained in a 2017 RFT interview that his parents had to talk him into giving St. Louis a shot and opening a restaurant here. Now he’s doubling Like its sister spot, this Brennan’s won’t just be serving food and drinks. Bocce is already on site, and a custom shuffleboard table (by Goebel & Co. Furniture) is underway. The space also boasts “custom backgammon and chess boards,” by artist and graphic designer David Rygiol, and “a listening room featuring dozens of new and classic albums on vinyl, a turntable with new and vintage headphones,” according to a press release. If that all sounds a bit posh and clubby, well, the new space is in fact something of a club, with members of Brennan’s co-working space BHIVE enjoying access to office-style amenities. But both the bar in the front of the space and the larger game room in the back will be open to the public, Brennan’s says — you definitely don’t have to work on site to drink on site. Or eat, for that matter. Best known for the acclaimed J McArthurs in Lindenwood Park, chef McArthur is now on staff at Brennan’s and has been working on menus for both locations. In Midtown, his menu will offer snacks, salads and small plates. The most expensive item, a large cheese and charcuterie board, tops out at $15. You can also try a tartine with charred corn, avocado and radishes; tacos stuffed with pork or vegetable; or a

MAY 1-7, 2019

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down on the city — and plans to triple down in the coming months. At Fried, customers can purchase ten-ounce bottled “Strains,” which are the restaurant’s sauces. They come with or without CBD infusion (they are priced at $12.95 with CBD and $8.95 without). hoose among avors named after strains of weed including Hindu Kush, Fire OG, Strawberry

Cough and more. There is also plenty to eat, none of it over $10. Nuggets play a starring role; choose between chicken, ca li o er, catfish or vegan chicken versions, each available in small, medium or large sizes ($3, $4.50 or $6.95, respectively), with your choice of strain on top. Add on fries or mac and cheese for an additional $2. “Pre-Rolls” are the nuggets in sandwich form. That includes “the Nugwich,” which features buffalo chicken or vegan chicken slathered with Fire OG sauce, drizzled with White Widow ranch and topped with Red Hot Riplets. Or try the “Hindu Kush Pre-Roll,” hich feat res ca li o er n gs in Tika Masala sauce, topped with daikon and pickled carrots. For dessert, choose from options including deep-fried Oreos and a deep-fried gooey butter cake. On the Fried website, Schulze explains that the cannabis theme celebrates changing times. “It is on the nose, it is right in peoples faces and given the climate around getting fried in the US, this food celebrates the years old prohibition coming to an end,” the site explains. “Just as speakeasies days were over, and drinking became a celebrated part of American culture, Fried aims to celebrate a new culture.” n

Chef Ben McArthur is now running the kitchen for both Brennan’s locations. | RJ HARTBECK burger with chips. Happy hour will be held every Wednesday and Thursday from 4:30 to 6 p.m. and 9 to 10:30 p.m. And so even though “work” is right there in the name, this

new Brennan’s, much like its sister, might instead provide an excuse to cut out of the office. They call it “leisure”; you’ll probably just call it fun. n

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MUSIC + CULTURE

[HOMESPUN]

Home Is Where the House Is Bounce House embraces a synth-pop sound with debut EP Starter Home Written by

CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER

lbum release shows can be a fraught proposition. After months or years of writing, recording and entombing your songs on wax (or CD, or a string of zeros and ones), a release show can feel like the culmination of something rather than the beginning. Should a band treat it like just another show, or try to throw a gala event in honor of the album’s debut? For Cory Perkins, singer and keyboardist for synth-pop band Bounce House, her CD release show happened to coincide with an international celebration of recorded music. Bounce House used its set at Vintage Vinyl’s party in honor of Record Store Day to drop the Starter Home EP, and playing under the shop’s storied marquee gave the quartet a chance to make new fans of Loop-dwelling passersby. “It was sweet — I got to be on an endcap!” Perkins says of the event and of her record’s placement in the store. “Our performance went really well; I think our band does well at gigs where people can come by and groove.” Perkins notes that while many listeners are likely to encounter Bounce House through streaming services, the band felt strongly about putting the album out in a physical format. “I guess it feels more o cial to have something tangible. If nothing else it’s a good business card,” she says. “But it’s complicated; there are a lot of CDs out there that go straight to the landfill. To stave off that possibility, the band put in a modest

Siblings Cory and Cody Perkins are joined by Johnathan Olson and Justin Mills for the pop-heavy project Bounce House. | VIA THE BAND order of a few hundred — “whatever the nearest price break was!” Perkins laughs. Bounce House has its roots in the band DinoFight!, which featured Cory on bass and lead vocals and her brother Cody Perkins on dr ms. That band leaned more into a pop-punk dynamic, so when the Perkins siblings were looking for something new, they decided to more or less split vocal duties evenly; on most songs, the pair will sing at each other, or right past each other, rather than aligning in traditional harmony. This gives the songs a conversational facet, not unlike the energy and approach of early Mates of State releases. And since Cory set down the bass in favor of the synth, the low end is now supplied by Justin Mills, who played with Cody in the band Mariner. Johnathan Olson rounds out the quartet on keys as ell, often lending eshed-o t piano runs alongside Cory’s monophonic leads. To record Starter Home, the band went to Ryan Wasoba’s Birdcloud Studio; he’s remained an indemand engineer, and his role as a founding member of So Many

Dynamos gives Wasoba a higherthan-average ency ith o nce House’s mix of dance-punk drums and squirrelly synthesizer leads. “We just wanted to put together the best-sounding record that we could, so we went to somebody that we trusted,” Cory Perkins says. Beyond engineering and recording, Wasoba’s role included homing in on song selection and vocal harmonies, a crucial element of the band’s sound. yan helped s fill o t some songs and layer vocals, and I got to do this differently than I ever have before,” Perkins says. “Having your engineer be excited about your stuff makes it fun.” oming at the five-song ’s midpoint, “On&On” serves as the apotheosis of Bounce House’s sound. A rattling bassline gives a nod to the players’ roots in punk rock while the kaleidoscopic synths give a new range of color, and the Perkins siblings’ competing vocals seem to offer two versions of the same story. But immediately following “On&On” comes the slower, slinkier “Distort Yourself,” which places the groove back onto the drum kit and suggests a sizzle where the rest of the EP pops.

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Perkins notes that the move from punk to synth-based music as in enced by a fe different sources. “I think Cody was listening to Sparks a lot when we started jamming,” she says. “I try to look for a lot of inspiration locally, and Middle Class Fashion was a huge inspiration.” Bounce House keeps up a regular in-town gigging schedule (including a show at the Heavy Anchor on May 1 with the Cincinnati duo Lung) and hopes to extend its reach with a small midwestern tour this July. Perkins notes that playing in a band with a few interesting relationships — not only is her brother the drummer, but she and bassist Justin Mills are a co ple has some specific challenges. “It can be tricky with band dynamics,” Perkins says. “We all love and respect each other a lot, even when we don’t get along, and that comes through. Since we spend so much time together, there’s always this element of it being family e’ll fig re o t a way to work this out.”

Bounce House 8 p.m. Wednesday, May 1. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Avenue. $8. 314-352-5226.

MAY 1-7, 2019

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The Hill Antique Market boasts 50 vendors, all busily preparing for opening day. | SARAH FENSKE

[OPENINGS]

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SARAH FENSKE

he Hill Antique Market (4923 Daggett Avenue), now open as of Wednesday, wants to provide something new to the city’s historic Italian neighborhood: an experience that’s not centered around food. “We see the bus tours coming on Saturdays, and they have nothing to do but eat,” says Carleen Kramer, the director of sales and marketing for Catering St. Louis, which owns the market. “They might go to Volpi and buy sausages, but that’s it. So we thought, ‘Why don’t we try doing an antique market there?’” “There” is the century-old warehouse adjacent to Catering St. Louis’ event space, Oliva on the Hill. Company owner Mark Erker saw potential in the site, which was originally used to construct electric engines for the mining business. (More recently, construction crews working on the Kingshighway Bridge project used it as a convenient headquarters.) After closing on the building, Erker got to work on a complete transformation. Or, as Kramer says modestly, “We just sort of gutted it.” This week the company unveils the

results of its labor, opening the antique market to the public for the first time. A total of 50 vendors will have stalls on site, Kramer says. A few are artists, although most are selling antiques. “We tried to carefully curate it,” she says. “This is not a ‘bring your stuff and make it into a yard sale’ setup. This is really good stuff.” Jennifer Pass is one of the vendors who’ve signed on to the company’s vision. Describing her style as “primitive rustic,” she says she loves the combination of contemporary art and vintage goods and was thrilled to snag a booth. “I had an immediate reaction, like ‘I have to work here,’” she says of the market. “The mix of antiques and contemporary artists — it’s everything I love.” And it might be just what the neighborhood is waiting for. As Kramer observers, the Hill has been booming, with new construction and a wave of new bars and restaurants shaking up the area’s reputation as a hotbed of old-school Italian (and only old-school Italian). Oliva on the Hill has been part of that; its “Wine Down Wednesdays,” which open the event space to the public one evening a week, have become a popular draw in the neighborhood. “The Hill is exploding,” she says. “We’ve created this community thing, and we couldn’t be happier about it.” The Hill Antique Market will be open daily as of May 1. Hours are from 10 a.m. to 5 p.m. Thursday through Tuesday and 10 a.m. to 8 p.m. Wednesday to accommodate Wine Down Wednesday shoppers.

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MAY 1-7, 2019

RIVERFRONT TIMES

[REUNIONS]

Don’t Call It a Comeback Members of celebrated St. Louis hip-hop act Earthworms reunite to form Worms Written by

THOMAS CRONE

s Matt Fournier recalls it, the last time the members of Earthworms shared a stage together, things didn’t go exactly as planned. With the group already looking at dissolution, the hip-hop act was without Dan Mahfood (a.k.a. DJ Mahf) that evening, while its three emcees — Fournier (also known simply as Mathias), Kerry Brennan (Black Patrick) and Justin Maginn (Kama) — were at each other’s throats on stage. It was not the most pleasant send-off for one of the more celebrated local acts of its day, but it was memorable. Still, it was a shame, because that acrimony hadn’t previously been the norm, with the band releasing albums, touring and sharing tons of good vibes before calling it a day in 2011. Citing the old adage that time heals all wounds, several members of Earthworms have performed gigs together in the past couple of weeks in a reunion of sorts that appears to be ongoing. But without Maginn, who has since decamped for the West Coast, the group is transitioning to a new life as, simply, Worms. “Not ‘Earthworms,’” Fournier notes. “And not ‘the Worms.’ It’s just ‘Worms.’” The band, which originally formed in 2004, began to recoalesce just this year, when Fournier was approached about his group Mathias & the Pirates taking part in a late-April show. ith the gro p nable to fill that gig’s timeline, lines were cast and the three STL-based members of Earthworms began rehearsing together for the first time in years. “I think we had to live some life to get here,” Fournier says. “We’re all older now. Kerry’s raising a couple of kids. Mahf’s been a professional DJ his whole adult life and has been steady performing for years. The Pirates have been working on a new thing, but

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The members of hip-hop act Earthworms, save for Kama (third from left) have reunited to form Worms. | BEN SHEPHERD that’s been a slow burn. I needed something to keep my brain moving. The energy that was created with rehearsals made sense for us to put some more energy into this. We’re not approaching it like a ten-year-old sound. We’re a different band now, so we’re approaching this with some different sounds, different vibes, but without abandoning our core.” And, yes, the group is moving forward with two emcees rather than three, a move necessitated by Maginn’s life in California. According to Fournier, he’s got a pretty good life at that, residing in Venice and working as a dog trainer for LA celebrities. “The three of us found our paths coming back together while he’s out in Venice, which is pretty dope,” Fournier says. “We’ll perform together again. Someday.” For now, the redubbed Worms have been recrafting material from their former days, as well as working in material from their individual solo work. Moving forward, they’ll add altogether new cuts as well. So far they’ve focused on smaller sets of music, as they’ve appeared on large, multiact bills — twenty minutes or so of

MAY 1-7, 2019

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performance-ready material is all they’ve needed. The band’s three vintage albums have given them hours of material from which to choose, Fournier says. The broader notion here is how to re-shape older cuts, or write more anew. e’re in the moment of fig ring that out,” he says. “I’m forever in the moment. But it’s the opposite of what Matthew McConaughey says: People don’t stay the same age. Getting younger people to engage with us is a challenge, and artists our age tend to make so nds that re ect the things we grew up loving. Those aren’t the same things that today’s 25-year-old grew up loving. You want to do that without pandering.” And that means an update to the group’s determinedly underground hip-hop sound. Fournier says it’s important to the members of Worms to stay of-the-moment, to make music that will resonate with younger ears. In that same vein, the lyricism and subject matter has to stay where the band’s members are now, too — which is to say, it should represent the maturity that comes with time.

“This should be about what’s going on in our life right now,” he says. “Your mind’s going to consider words and thoughts differently now. I listen to the old music we put out and I like it; we put out some pretty good shit. I know, though, that I wouldn’t say it the same way. I use negative space more. I don’t rap at people as much as talk to them. It’s a natural evolution. Kerry’s gone through the same thing. And Mahf’s going to be scratching and adding elements that are going to be more advanced.” It all amounts to something that should be exciting for any fan of local hip-hop: a rejuvenated act filled ith top-tier talent itching to reprove itself to the world. “Sonically, Earthworms was a product of our times; the instrumentation was from the era,” Fournier says. “We don’t want to rehash what it sounded like ten years ago. What we’re working on is artistically a lot different.” Worms will be releasing new music and playing shows to be announced in 2019. For a listen back to Earthworms, go to: mathias. bandcamp.com.

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Wednesday May 1st 9:30PM Urban Chestnut Presents

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Tribute To The Band

Friday May 3rd 10PM

Clusterpluck

w/ Special Guests The Driftaways

Sunday May 5th 8PM

Legends Sunday w/ Kim Massie

Wednesday May 8th 9:30PM Urban Chestnut Presents

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Tribute to WEEN

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OUT EVERY NIGHT

[CRITIC’S PICK]

Pedro the Lion. | RYAN RUSSELL

Pedro the Lion 8 p.m. Thursday, May 2. The Old Rock House, 1200 South Seventh Street. $20. 314-588-0505. With the scratchy, muted, synthesized opening of Pedro the Lion’s 2019 return, the vaunted indie-rock band, still led by the ever-fallen-from-grace David Bazan, seems to be playing it coy. The reticence doesn’t last. Phoenix is among Bazan’s most emotionally rewarding collections. The sound and spirit are taut and punchy, even with all of Bazan’s aching nostalgia for yellow bikes, Circle K sodas

THURSDAY 2

BILLY BARNETT BAND: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. BLUE WATER HIGHWAY: 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. BOXCAR: w/ Tim Leavy, Antiklownz 9 p.m., free. chla y Tap oom, oc st t., t. o is, 314-241-2337. BROTHERS LAZAROFF: 7 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis. CONSTANT STRANGER: w/ Bo and the Locomotive, Le’Ponds 8 p.m., $10. Foam, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100. GOOD CHARLOTTE: 8 p.m., $35-$37.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. GUITAR SHORTY: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. HELL CAMINO: w/ Iron Sun 8 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. HOWIE MANDEL: p.m., . iver ity asino otel, iver ity asino lvd., t. Louis, 314-388-7777. LOGAN MIZE: 8 p.m., $17.50-$20. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. NLE CHOPPA: 7 p.m., $20-$25. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. RODNEY CROWELL: 8 p.m., $25-$35. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

FRIDAY 3

ALEXIS LOMBRE: 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. ALY AND AJ: 8 p.m., $26-$28. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

and the idea of a God who gives a damn. You may find lines like “the weight of the world is bearing down on me like biblical weather” a touch portentous, but the harrowing rasp in Bazan’s voice, like Springsteen at the end of a five-hour show, can still make you a believer. Out of the Studio: The eccentric knobtwiddler John Vanderslice has been making brilliant records in his San Franciscosituated Tiny Telephone joint for over two decades. His opening set offers the chance to make those weird and fetching sounds stick on stage. —Roy Kasten

ARIANNA STRING QUARTET: 8 p.m., $29. Blanche M Touhill Performing Arts Center, 1 University r at at ral ridge oad, ormandy, 314-516-4949. DANCE GAVIN DANCE: 6:30 p.m., $25-$99. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. JAN SHAPIRO GROUP: 8 p.m., $10. Ozark Theatre, 103 E. Lockwood Ave., St. Louis, 314-962-7000. JIM JEFFERIES: 8 p.m., $36.50-$46.50. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. JOHNNYSWIM: 8 p.m., $30-$105. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. ONLY SOUND: w/ Frago, Youth & Canvas 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226. ROLAND JOHNSON & SOUL ENDEAVOR: 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. UNIMAGINED: w/ In Vein, Broken Youth, Skylines 7 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE USUAL SUSPECTS: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. VOODOO TALKING HEADS: w/ Sean Canan’s Voodoo layers p.m., . ld ock o se, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. WILLIE WATSON: 8 p.m., $18-$20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

SATURDAY 4

THE ALLMAN BETTS BAND: 6 p.m., $30-$35. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester

Continued on pg 49

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MAY 1-7, 2019

RIVERFRONT TIMES

THE BEST LOCAL MUSIC WEEKEND OF THE YEAR!

THEGROVE

JUNE 2019

FRI 21 & SAT 22

Tonina • T-Dubb-O • The Lion’s Daughter • The Knuckles • Midwest Avengers • Sleepy Kitty • Shady Bug • Looprat Collective • Shana B • Najii Person • Dracla • Brother Lee & the Leather Jackals DJ Alexis Tucci • Le’Ponds • Janet Evra • Ryan Koenig • Paige Alyssa • Scrub and Ace Ha • Rec Riddles • Sorry, Scout • Starwolf • Bizy Jay • Devon Cahill • Jon Bonham and Friends • Golden Curls Agile One • SAYLOR • We Are Root Mod • Jr. Clooney • Glued • The Vincent Scandal • Mammoth Piano • Yuppy • Drangus • Huht • Frankie DoWop • Stephanie Stewart • Ryan Wasoba’s 19 Second Songs Jesus Christ Supercar • Mother Stutter • Samantha Clemons • DJ Kimmy Nu • Voidgazer • The Uppers • The Stars Go Out • Teacup Dragun • Suzie Cue • Ellen Hilton Cook • The Opera Bell Band Crystal Lady • Let’s Not • KDHX’s Crim Dolla Cray • Little Cowboy • P. Brown The Aeon • Zach Sullentrup • Whiskey Raccoons • Syna So Pro • The R6 Implant • Justin Ra • The Hollow Ends The Ragged Blade Band • Zak M • Sloopy McCoy • Nibiru • Banana Clips • JoAnn McNeil • Dcupp • Prime Time Soap • Biff K’narly & the Reptilians • Neil and Adam • The Mound City Slickers We Are Warm • Bounce House • C Is For Cadaver • Brian McClelland’s No Thunder • OnlySound • St. Villagers Plus a special appearance by the National Blues Museum Jam Band and a 2-hour opening showcase on Saturday by School of Rock

Atomic Cowboy • Bootleg • Firecracker • Gezellig • Gramophone • Handle Bar • Layla • Parlor • Ready Room • Taha’a Twisted Tiki

EARLYBIRDWRISTBANDSAVAILABLENOW:RFTSHOWCASE.COM 48

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[CRITIC’S PICK]

Eels. | GUS BLACK

Eels 8 p.m. Saturday, May 4. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Boulevard. $40. 314-726-6161. As the solitary force behind Eels for more than two decades, Mark Oliver Everett made use of both his prodigious musical talent and his wry, wrinkled worldview to create everything from nailbomb alt-rock to delicate balladry set to the plinks of a toy piano. And despite its literary-theoryreferencing title, his latest album The Deconstruction is less a formal exegesis on communication than a varied collection

OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 47

Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. ANN MARIE: 8 p.m., $20-$70. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. BOO DAVIS BLUES BAND: 10 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. BOOMTOWN UNITED: w/ The Uncouth, Bruiser Queen, BrickCitySoundSystem 8 p.m., $10. ld ock o se, . th t., t. o is, 314-588-0505. BRIAN CURRAN: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. CINCO AFTER PARTY: w/ Glued, Jr. Clooney, Boreal Hills 10:06 p.m., $3. Foam, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100. EELS: 8 p.m., $37.50-$40. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. THE GROOVY BUTTER CAKES: oger odger, Tony Hall 9 p.m., $5. Way Out Club, 2525 S. Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-664-7638. KARATE BIKINI: w/ Mother Stutter 9 p.m., free. chla y Tap oom, oc st t., t. o is, 314-241-2337. PORCHFESTSTL: 1 p.m., free. Skinker DeBaliviere Community Council, 6008 Kingsbury, St. Louis, 314-862-5122. SAGE FRANCIS & B. DOLAN: 8 p.m., $15. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. SEBASTIAN MANISCALCO: 7 p.m., $44-$67. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. SKEET RODGERS & INNER CITY BLUES BAND: 4 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. UNDISCLOSED SATURDAY MORNING AUDIO TOON: 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

from a songwriter who can use the bruises and calluses of heartbreak as melodic grist. Longtime fans and critics are divided over whether The Deconstruction mines any new terrain for Everett, but the rest of us can soak in the fractured beauty of his wheezy symphonies and bittersweet songcraft. Isn’t He Grand: Robert Ellis, who has been touring behind his self-explanatory new album Texas Piano Man, opens the show only a few weeks after his headlining set at Off Broadway. —Christian Schaeffer

VINTAGE VIBE: w/ Paint the Earth 6 p.m., $5. Sky sic o nge, ehrs ill oad, all in, 636-527-6909. YHETI: w/ Nasty Nasty, Eazybaked 8 p.m., $15. The eady oom, anchester ve, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

SUNDAY 5

ALEX SINCLAIR: noon, free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. DANA DANE: 7 p.m., $20-$30. Ambassador, 9800 alls erry d, orth t. o is o nty, 314-869-9090. ELLA MAI: w/ Mahalia 8 p.m., $30-$35. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. GENESIS JAZZ PROJECT: 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. KIM MASSIE: 8 p.m., $10. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. PIERCE CRASK: 5 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. SCARLETT O’HARA: evision, evised p.m., $13. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. VALLEY OF THE SUN: w/ Mark Deutrom 8 p.m., $18. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. WARRIORS NIGHT OUT: 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

MONDAY 6

CHALKED UP: w/ Exhalants, Bulls, Mystic Will 9 p.m., $7. Foam, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100. NICK GUSMAN AND THE COYOTES: w/ Andy Hibbard, Donald Woodyard Inc 8 p.m., $5.

Continued on pg 50

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

[CRITIC’S PICK]

Sniper 66. | VIA ARTIST BANDCAMP

Sniper 66 7 p.m. Tuesday, May 7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway. $5. 314-328-2309. Spikey-haired drunk punks, take note: The no-frills ’90s streetpunk peddled by the likes of Beer City Records and typified by bands like the Casualties is coming into fully studded fashion again. There’s no other way to explain the popularity of bands like Austin’s Sniper 66, which deal ably in that four-chord, drum-driven, gravel-voiced sound of yore. Anthemic choruses, gang vocals and lyrics critical of

OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 49

The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309. SIGNS OF THE SWARM: 6:30 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $5. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. THIRD SIGHT BAND: 8 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

TUESDAY 7

AJ MITCHELL: w/ Marteen, Brynn Elliott 8 p.m., $15-$18. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. DAMIEN ESCOBAR: 8 p.m., $54.50-$84.50. The eady oom, anchester ve, t. o is, 314-833-3929. MATTHEW LOGAN VASQUEZ: w/ Frances Cone 8 p.m., . l eberry ill - The ck oom, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. PAUL BYROM: 7:30 p.m., $35-$50. Gaslight Theater, 358 N. Boyle Ave., St. Louis. SNIPER 66: w/ The Uppers, Bastard Squad, Lysergik Acid 7 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309. ST. LOUIS SOCIAL CLUB: 9 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. STEVE BAUER: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. SYLAR: w/ Varials, GroundCulture 7 p.m., $16. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

WEDNESDAY 8

BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & RHYTHM RENEGADES: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

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“the system” are the order of the day, and Sniper 66 serves them up hot and sans garnish (before spiking the plate to the floor, of course). Recommended for fans of plaid pants and unnecessary zippers. Oi to the World: Like-minded St. Louis act Bastard Squad, whose sound is not unlike the headliner, will offer support alongside the power-pop-infected work of STL punk supergroup the Uppers and the metal-damaged hardcore punk of Lysergik Acid, making for a night of music sure to get the people moshing like it’s 1996. —Daniel Hill CAPPELLA ROMANA: 7:30 p.m., $20. Blanche M Touhill Performing Arts Center, 1 University r at at ral ridge oad, ormandy, 314-516-4949. CHRIS O’LEARY BAND: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222. KNOCKED LOOSE: 6:30 p.m., TBA. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. LIGHT THE TORCH: 7:30 p.m., $20-$79. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720. LUKE WINSLOW-KING: oberto ti p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989. MATTY MATHESON: 8 p.m., $20. Blueberry Hill The ck oom, elmar lvd., niversity City, 314-727-4444. NATE SMITH: 8 p.m., $35-$45. Gaslight Lounge, 4916 Shaw Ave, St. Louis, 314-496-0628. NEW KIDS ON THE BLOCK: w/ Salt-N-Pepa, Tiffany, Debbie Gibson, Naughty By Nature 7:30 p.m., $26.95-$176.95. Enterprise Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-1888. SUBURBAN LIVING: vernighter, old ooms 9 p.m., $8. Foam, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100. TRAVELING BAND: 6 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. VOODOO PLAYERS TRIBUTE TO WEEN: 9:45 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811. WEREWOLF JONES: w/ Shux, Prism #1 9 p.m., $7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

THIS JUST IN

3TEETH: W/ Author & Punisher, GOST, Sat., July 20, 7:30 p.m., $20. Fubar, 3108 Locust St,

Continued on pg 51

OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 50

St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE 442S: Sat., May 9, 11 a.m., $5-$12. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. THE 6TH ANNUAL SUMMER GRAS: W/ Funky Butt Brass Band, the Grooveliner, the Provels, aint oogie rass and, yan Torpea haky Hands, Bottoms Up Blues Band, Sat., June 8, 5 p.m., . ld ock o se, . th t., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. AARON LEWIS: Thu., Nov. 14, 8 p.m., $40-$45. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. ANGÉLIQUE KIDJO: Fri., Feb. 14, 8 p.m., $45-$60. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. ANGELS & AIRWAVES: Sun., Sept. 22, 7:30 p.m., $35-$40. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. ARTURO SANDOVAL WITH JANE MONHEIT: Sat., Oct. 26, 8 p.m., $35-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. ASLEEP AT THE WHEEL: Fri., April 24, 8 p.m., $35-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. BJORN RANHEIM: Wed., April 29, 8 p.m., $10$30. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. BLOXX: W/ Warbly Jets, Hembree, Sat., June 22, p.m., . l eberry ill - The ck oom, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. St. Louis, 314-436-5222. BRIAN REGAN: Sat., Sept. 7, 8 p.m., $42-$62. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. BROTHERS LAZAROFF: Sat., April 4, 11 a.m., $5$12. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. CÉCILE MCLORIN SALVANT: Sat., Oct. 5, 8 p.m., $15-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. St. Louis, 314-436-5222. CHRISTIAN SANDS’ HIGH WIRE TRIO: Sat., Feb. 8, 8 p.m., $15-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. DAILEY & VINCENT: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $15-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. DANÚ AND GOITSE: Fri., March 6, 8 p.m., $15$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. DAVID HALEN: Wed., April 1, 8 p.m., $10-$30. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. DIE ANTWOORD: Sat., Sept. 28, 8 p.m., $49.50$52.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. AN EVENING WITH KATHY MATTEA: Fri., Feb. 21, 8 p.m., $35-$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. FEYZA EREN: Sat., Feb. 15, 11 a.m., $5-$12. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. HARLEM 100: Sat., Nov. 9, 8 p.m., $15-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. HERE COME THE MUMMIES: Fri., Sept. 27, 8 p.m., $25-$27.50. Sat., Sept. 28, 8 p.m., $25-$27.50. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. HIGH DIVE: W/ An Unfortunate Trend, Kennedy Music, Patrick Quinlan, Darling Skye, Wed., May 22, 7 p.m., $10-$12. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. HOODS: W/ Kill Their Past, Life Sucks, Thu., July 18, 7:30 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. IAN WALSH AND KEVIN BUCKLEY: Tue., March 17, 10 a.m., $15-$18. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. JOHN MCEUEN: Fri., Oct. 11, 8 p.m., $30-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. KATYA: Wed., Aug. 28, 8 p.m., $28-$167.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis,

314-726-6161. THE KINGDOM CHOIR: Thu., Oct. 3, 8 p.m., $30$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. LOS LOBOS: Fri., Nov. 8, 8 p.m., $40-$50. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. MARK SPARKS: Wed., Jan. 29, 8 p.m., $10-$30. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. MASTER: Fri., Aug. 16, 7:30 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. MICKEY AVALON: W/ Dirt Nasty, Thu., June 20, 8 p.m., $20-$25. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. THE MIDNIGHT: Wed., Sept. 18, 8 p.m., $20-$59. The eady oom, anchester ve, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. THE MILK CARTON KIDS: Sun., Aug. 25, 8 p.m., $35-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. MISS JUBILEE AND THE HUMDINGERS: Tue., April 21, 10 a.m., $15-$18. Wed., April 22, 10 a.m., $15-$18. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. THE NEIGHBOURHOOD: Fri., Nov. 15, 8 p.m., $35$37.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. NELLA: Sat., Nov. 16, 8 p.m., $15-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. NOISEM: W/ Organ Dealer, Tue., June 4, 7:30 p.m., $12. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. OLD CAPITAL SQUARE DANCE CLUB: W/ Elliott Pearson & The Passing Lane, Nick Gusman, Th ., ay , p.m., . ld ock o se, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505. PATHOLOGY: W/ Narcotic Wasteland, Malignancy, Thu., Aug. 22, 6:30 p.m., $18. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. PRECIOUS CHILD: W/ Hot Pink Satan, Tiger ider, ltamira, ri., ay , p.m., . The Crack Fox, 1114 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-621-6900. RATBOYS: W/ Choir Vandals, Jr Clooney, Sun., July 7, 8 p.m., $12-$14. Blueberry Hill - The ck oom, elmar lvd., niversity ity, 314-727-4444. RUSTON KELLY: Wed., Oct. 16, 8 p.m., $15-$18. l eberry ill - The ck oom, elmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444. RUTHIE FOSTER: Fri., Jan. 17, 8 p.m., $30-$40. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. SFJAZZ COLLECTIVE: Sat., March 14, 8 p.m., $15$45. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900. SHOW-ME DOWNTOWN: AN EVENING IN BLUE: Thu., June 27, 5 p.m., $60-$125. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600. SLAYYYTER: obokid, at., ly , p.m., . The eady oom, anchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929. SON VOLT: Sat., Nov. 23, 8 p.m., $25-$28. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. STEPHEN MARLEY: Thu., Aug. 15, 7 p.m., $25. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. STRAIGHT OUT THE JACKET TOUR: Sun., June 30, 6 p.m., $5. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THAT PURPLE STUFF: W/ James Biko, The Knuckles, Sat., June 8, 8 p.m., $7-$13. The eady oom, anchester ve, t. o is, 314-833-3929. TOMBS: W/ Chrome Waves, Thu., June 13, 7:30 p.m., $12. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. A TRIBUTE TO JEFF WORM: W/ Cross Examination, the Humanoids, God Fodder, Blight Future, Fri., June 14, 8 p.m., $10. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353. USNEA: W/ Chrch, Tue., July 16, 9 p.m., $12. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050. THE WAILERS: Thu., June 20, 7 p.m., $25. Atomic Cowboy Pavilion, 4140 Manchester Avenue, St. Louis, 314-775-0775. WALTER TROUT: Fri., July 5, 8 p.m., $20-$25. ld ock o se, . th t., t. o is, 314-588-0505. n

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SAVAGE LOVE QUICKIES BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’ve been with my boyfriend for a few months. Prior to dating, I was clear with him that I would need to open our relationship at some point. He initially hesitated to respond, but then agreed we could do that when the time came. That time has come much quicker than I anticipated, but I feel like he’ll renege on his end of things because of many comments he’s made recently — comments like not understanding or liking nonmonogamy and how “his woman” sleeping around is a deal breaker. Is this a DTMFA situation? Specified Open Relationship Early Early on, you let your boyfriend know that openness “at some point” was your price of admission — the price he’d have to pay to be with you — and now he’s letting you know that monogamy is his price of admission. What’s going on here? Well, sometimes Person A tells Person B what Person A knows Person B wants to hear regarding Topic X in the hopes that Person B will feel differently about Topic X after the passage of time or after Person B has made a large emotional investment in Person A. In many cases, Person A has the best intentions — by which I mean, Person A isn’t being consciously manipulative, but rather Person A sincerely hopes Person B will come to feel differently about Topic X or that they, Person A themselves, will. But considering how little time has passed, SORE — it hasn’t even been three months, and he’s saying shitty/ judgy things to you about nonmonogamy and sexist/controlling things about “his woman” — it seems clear that your boyfriend wasn’t being sincere, he was being manipulative. DTMFA. Hey, Dan: This is another request for a kinky neologism. How about those of us who like the idea of our significant other having sex with somebody else but who aren’t into full-on cuckold-style humiliation? “Cuckold” implies a level of subordination that just isn’t my thing,

and “hotwifing,” besides sounding incredibly sleazy, assumes that it’s a couple that is opposite sex and married, and the guy is only interested in watching. Can you or the hive mind solve this problem? Cuck In Name Only I don’t think the term hot ifing is inherently heterosexist, as there are gay men and straight women out there into “hothusbanding.” (They get off on sharing their hot spouses with others, aren’t necessarily interested in getting with anyone else themselves, and don’t, à la cuckolds, get off on humiliation.) But if that term doesn’t appeal to you, CINO, there’s already an alternative: stags (a man who may or may not be dominant who likes to share his partner and may or may not participate) and vixens (a woman who may or may not be submissive who enjoys having sex with others in front of her partner and may or may not share them with others too). Hey, Dan: I’ve experienced anal itching in the past, and I’m not ashamed to say I enjoyed it. It felt so insanely good to satisfy that itching inside. I can find lots of information about relieving anal itching, but I can’t find anything about inducing it for pleasure. Into Tormenting Clean Heinie According to the Mayo Clinic, keeping your ass too clean or letting it get too dirty can induce anal itching, as can pinworms, diabetes, and anal tumors. Seeing as you probably don’t want diabetes or rectal cancer, and since pinworms aren’t for sale at your local bait shop, ITCH, you could try scrubbing your ass with harsh soaps, which is what the Mayo Clinic urges people who don’t want itchy anuses to avoid. (I reverse engineered their advice for you. You’re welcome.) Good luck, and please don’t write back to let us know how you’re progressing, okay? Hey, Dan: I am a 24-year-old pansexual trans woman, and I feel sexually broken. Hormones have made it nearly impossible for me to top a partner. I’m able to do it once in a while, but not as much or as reliably as I would like. Additionally, hormones have messed up my digestive system and made bottoming difficult. I’m also relatively sex-

“I recently broke up with a girl because she didn’t know what plate tectonics was.” ually inexperienced, which means I’m enthusiastic about oral but not very good at it. This leaves me feeling like I bring nothing to the table. Horny But Sex Is Thorny Getting good at oral — like getting good at anything — takes a little practice. Let your prospective partners know you’re relatively inexperienced, and you’ll be far likelier to wind up in bed with patient and supportive people who will let you practice on them. As for bottoming, hopefully your guts will settle down in time. As for topping, well, lots of women use strap-on dildos for penetration. Having a strapon at the ready and actively seeking out partners who don’t regard strap-on sex as a consolation prize (or a fail) will allow you to experiment with penetration without the pressure of having to produce or sustain an erection. You can switch back and forth between your dick and the dildo as needed, and being able to make it happen for your lover — using whatever tools you need ill b ild yo r confidence. And you’re not broken, HBSIT. You are, like all of us, a work in progress. Good luck. Hey, Dan: I’m a college prof. Several female students have confided in me they’re having trouble finding guys. (They’re not hitting on me — and even if they were, no way am I dating a student.) These girls are smart, nice, interesting and usually obese. You and I both know that in this imperfect world, many (most?) people place importance on looks. But how do I tell them that? A straight, single, male professor telling a female student, even gently, that dropping twenty pounds might help her dating prospects is extremely risky. Professionally Risky Observation Flummoxes

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Oh my god. Keep your mouth shut. First, because it’s an asshole thing to say — never mind the professional risk — and second, because it’s not true. (Welcome to America, PROF, where most people are overweight or obese and most people are partnered or married.) The likelier culprit here (besides a ske ed sample si e and confirmation bias) is the scarcity of available male partners. Women now significantly o tn mber men on college campuses: “Where men once went to college in proportions far higher than women — 58 percent to 42 percent as recently as the 1970s — the ratio has now almost exactly reversed,” Jon Marcus wrote in the Atlantic. Graduating will probably do more to improve their romantic prospects than dropping twenty pounds. Hey, Dan: I recently broke up with a girl because she didn’t know what plate tectonics was. We dated for three months. Great sex! Loved cooking together! Enjoyed spending time with her! But she was raised Mormon — and more important than that, she was simply NOT CURIOUS about science and the world. In all honesty, I think she’s a little dumb, although she doesn’t come off that way. Science! Politics! Philosophy! All of these things are important in my life! Am I wrong for breaking up with her? Date Tectonics No! You did her a favor! I knew nothing about classical music before I fell in love with someone who’s passionate about classical music. I know a lot about it now and I actually enjoy it — but I didn’t get there in three months. My husband didn’t follow the news closely until he fell in love with a news junkie. Now he’s a daily reader of the New York Times and the Washington Post — but he didn’t get there in three months. The more time we spent together, the more interest we took in each other’s interests. There’s a lesson in here for you somewhere, DT, but I’m going to let you tease it out — because you’re CURIOUS and SMART, right? Listen to Dan’s podcast at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter ITMFA.org

MAY 1-7, 2019

RIVERFRONT TIMES

MAY 1-7, 2019

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MAY 1-7, 2019

RIVERFRONT TIMES

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