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PHOTO BY THEO WELLING “It starts so early. Microaggressions just wear on you so much. Then it’s like big moments: I feel like this is normal for people to get killed and shot... and it just wears on you until you’re just exhausted and broken down, honestly. It’s exhausting.”
KERA BUSSEY, PHOTOGRAPHED NEAR FOREST PARK PARKWAY IN CLAYTON DURING THE GEORGE FLOYD PROTESTS ON MAY 30
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Back to the Streets SOMEHOW, WE’RE HERE again. Thousands in the streets. Tear gas. The conversations are familiar in St. Louis, maybe more so than any other city in the country. But even after years of this, depressingly little has changed. When people here saw that video of George Floyd face down on the pavement in Minneapolis, a white cop kneeling on his neck long after he’d gone limp, it wasn’t just an outrage. It was a reminder of all the other deaths. Even after years of organizing and fighting for reforms, St. Louisans had another example of police who are still too quick to anger, too quick to put their hands on people, too quick to shoot. As Chauvin kneeled on Floyd’s neck, we saw the other officers helping or doing nothing to stop him, which is the same thing as helping. It made it clear once again, it’s more than a bad apple, and the issues with the way this country polices its citizens extends far beyond our metro. And so St. Louis has risen up again to continue the fight. It’s been perfectly coordinated at times and completely off the rails at others. We cover a little of both this week. What it hasn’t been is unexpected. — Doyle Murphy, editor in chief
TABLE OF CONTENTS CAN’T
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Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy
E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Hero In A Hot Dog Suit Daniel Hill Contributors Cheryl Baehr, Trenton Almgren-Davis, Jenna Jones, Monica Obradovic, Andy Paulissen A R T
& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers
COVER
E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com
Uprising Mayor Lyda Krewson orders a 9 p.m. curfew after nonviolent George Floyd protests are followed by late night death and destruction Cover photo by
THEO WELLING
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INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Short Orders Culture Savage Love 6
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HARTMANN Life Savers St. Louis filmmakers beat the odds with world airing of suicideprevention documentary BY RAY HARTMANN
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f someone pitched a movie script about a group of college students getting devastated by friends’ suicides and then turning their grief on its head by making an inspiring mental health documentary that ends up at the world’s largest virtual film festival ever, the studios would politely say no. It’s a nice plot, they’d say, but too syrupy. Stories like that don’t happen in the real world. Well, it has happened. And not just anywhere, but here in St. Louis, and now globally. The documentary Wake Up
makes its world premiere at 5:45 p.m. Thursday on YouTube as part of We Are One: A Global Film Festival. Coordinated by YouTube, Tribeca Enterprises and twenty of the world’s most prestigious film festivals — names like Cannes, Sundance, Venice, Toronto and Berlin get your attention — the extravaganza is an international film industry version of Live Aid to benefit COVID-19 relief efforts. It started May 29 and runs through Sunday. Wake Up is the dream come true of a group of about twenty impassioned Mizzou students from the St. Louis area who were brought together in 2014 by the tragic loss to suicide of two members of their circle of friends. They were determined to pay tribute and spread the word about the need for suicide prevention and mental-health awareness. That tribute will take the form of an 88-minute feature film in the headliner spot on June 4 in the largest virtual film festival in
history. It’s one of just eight documentaries at the festival, and the only film from St. Louis. Before the pandemic, the film was on its way to respectable success. It had been accepted at three festivals: Manhattan, Richmond International and Newport Beach. But with COVID-19 shuttering festivals, We Are One was born, and Wake Up was accepted less than two weeks ago. With mental health concerns skyrocketing in the pandemic, the timing was as amazing as the story of the film itself. Its driving force is Alex Lindley, now a local lawyer, but in 2014, a senior at the University of Missouri-Columbia. Back then, Lindley was grieving suicide of his lifelong friend Ryan Candice, a popular De Smet Jesuit High School graduate and fellow Mizzou senior. It was the second such body blow suffered in two years by Lindley and his friends: Another close to them, Carolyn Dolan, had taken her own life in 2012.
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Lindley describes Dolan, a Cor Jesu Academy graduate as “a beautiful girl, an absolute spark in so many people’s lives.” It was the first experience with suicide for those people, Lindley says. “We were nineteen at the time, me and my group of friends. We really didn’t know how to grieve, we didn’t know how to face it,” Lindley says. “We were like many who stigmatized suicide in the sense that we didn’t openly discuss it. It was more like, ‘Carolyn died,’ and we didn’t talk about why.” Fast forward two years, Lindley says, and the loss of Candice to suicide “lit a fire under my belly.” There was the grim realization that losing Carolyn Dolan wasn’t enough to save Ryan Candice. “I was just shocked and angry that even having lost Carolyn together and having grieved together, Ryan still didn’t feel comfortable reaching out and that, to me, that was the stigma,” Lind-
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ley says. “That, and the fact that his access to emergency services wasn’t adequate or available: He was denied admission to a hospital and took his life two hours later. I had a fire under my belly to do something about it. “I got our group of friends together,” Lindley says. “We were broken and grieving at the time, but we just wanted to do something ambitious, to turn the tragedy on its head, to try to save lives. We landed on the documentary.” This wasn’t a group of filmmakers, but they found a talented one in Nate Townsend, a St. Louis native who is now all of 28. How talented? Too late for a spoiler alert: I believe I’ve given away the answer. When the RFT first covered the story of Project Wake Up in 2016, Townsend had been hired to direct and create “a short film that celebrated Ryan’s life and gave viewers a small glimpse into what the full production would explore.” At the time, this was just a scrappy little group promoting a golf tournament as part of an ambitious fundraising effort. A GoFundMe campaign had blown away expectations with the group raising a “shocking” $35,000, versus a goal of $10,000, we reported. That total is now in excess of $500,000 and climbing. “We had no idea that in six years, we’d be in this position,” Lindley says. “We had a very inspired group, and we stuck with it, and people really got behind it. The whole city got behind it, and we haven’t looked back since. It has been an incredible journey.” A key part of the group, who joined months after it formed, was Danny Kerth, whose father Al Kerth — a friend of mine — had taken his life in 2002. Al Kerth had battled a bi-polar disease that was invisible to those of us who knew him as the ever-cheerful and highly regarded public relations man who represented, among others, Civic Progress. Lindley and Kerth have emerged as co-executive producers of the film. Lindley is president of and Kerth vice president of the Project Wake Up not-forprofit group. “We need to send a huge thank you to the entire St. Louis community. It takes a special kind of people to believe in a bunch of twenty-somethings who think they can change the way that
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people talk about mental health,” Kerth says. “The progression I’ve seen since my dad passed in 2002 to now is that more people are slowly being OK with talking about this kind of stuff, and that’s a huge first step in breaking down those stigmas. The stigmas still exist in a lot of realms, but we’re making progress.” Kerth emphasizes there needs to be the family member or friend who reaches out to someone displaying signs they need mental health assistance. “You need to have the courage to reach out,” Kerth says. “You’d much rather be a helicopter friend at the end of the day than somebody who decided to sit back and let something irreversible happen.” That’s one of the central messages of the film. Wake Up delves into the grim numbers of suicide and some of the special challenges facing veterans, the LGBTQ community (especially trans people), underserved rural communities and the like. But it stays positive about what people can do to make a difference. Lindley thinks that helps set the film apart. “One of the constant reviews that we’ve gotten is that it doesn’t seem like a 90-minute film,” Lindley says. “Not only is it not a dark and depressing film that you might expect when you hear a 90-minute suicide documentary, but it has a very hopeful tone, and it’s very beautifully shot.” I’m no film reviewer, but having seen it, I’d call that an understatement. And so is this: The tragedy of suicide is the most misunderstood mental health crisis of our time. Wake Up goes a long way in getting that message across powerfully, both to those faced with depression in these di cult times, and others who might be able to help them. By hitting the world stage, I’d say Project Wake Up has checked off the box as to getting that word out to a sizable audience. But the story of the film is still too good to be believed. n
Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann and Jay Kanzler from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).
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Day and Night St. Louis mayor orders curfew as nonviolent protests give way to destruction after dark Written by
DANIEL HILL & DOYLE MURPHY
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retired St. Louis police captain was killed and four city cops were shot on Monday when a day of non-violent marches was followed by looting, fires and gun blasts. In response, Mayor Lyda rewson on Tuesday announced a citywide curfew would take effect at 9 p.m. that night and last for at least several days in hopes of heading off the chaos that has followed loud, but controlled police protests in greater St. Louis. “Last night was a terrible night for St. Louis,” rewson said at a news conference attended by police Chief John Hayden, ublic Safety Director Jimmie dwards and Circuit Attorney im ardner. “ hat started as a very nonviolent and peaceful demonstration and protest ended in looting, shooting, burning and attacks on law enforcement. This cannot be and will not be tolerated.” Thousands of people across greater St. Louis protested through the weekend in solidarity with demonstrations in more than 140 cities, all moved to action by the latest killing of a black
A couple thousand people marched to the Arch as part of nationwide protests sparked by the killing of George Floyd in Minneapolis. | THEO WELLING man by police. In this case, it was George Floyd, who was pinned to the ground by cops in Minneapolis, including now-former o cer Derek Chauvin, who kneeled on his neck for nearly nine minutes. A cell phone video showed Chauvin persisted for nearly three minutes after Floyd went limp and even as people begged o cers to let him up. In St. Louis, the killing — Chauvin has been charged with manslaughter and third-degree murder — rekindled long-running tensions with police. As many as 2,000 protesters gathered on Monday downtown. Organizers led the group down city streets to the Arch, where they gathered in a circle and asked those who’d experience police abuse to step forward, fol-
Protest organizers say they strive for nonviolence, not peace. | THEO WELLING
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lowed by people who’ve had family abused by police — continuing through a list of questions, drawing in more and more people. The crowd then took over Interstate 4, marching west as tra c was brought to a standstill before exiting in the Downtown est neighborhood. Shortly before 8 p.m., organizers called an end to the day. Most of the crowd cleared out after that. Leaders of the demonstrations, who have urged nonviolence, have often made a point of marking a finite end to protests, a practice that stretches back to actions in erguson in 2014 and the uprising that followed the 201 ac uittal of ex-police o cer Jason Stockley in the killing of Anthony Lamar Smith. hotographer Theo elling,
who covered the protest for the Riverfront Times, says a smaller group moved on to oelker ark across from City Hall. Hayden, the police chief, says maybe 200 remained into the night, vandalizing businesses, shooting fireworks at police and throwing rocks. Across Tucker Boulevard from the park, people smashed out windows in a pair of St. Louis Sheriff’s vans. eople set multiple fires, some in the streets, some in buildings. rewson says there were “hundreds of cars going from location to location to do harm, to set fire, to loot and to burn things.” Fire Chief Dennis Jenkerson says that his men often could not get to fires to put them out, including the one at the - leven located at 1 th and ine streets, because the
Protests have included mass civl disobedience, including blocking highways. | THEO WELLING
St. Louis police fired tear gas, and people launched fireworks during late-night clashes in downtown. | THEO WELLING roadways were blocked. “On most of our responses we were delayed because of the protesters and because of things that were thrown in the street,” he says. The sound of gunfire began to pick up as the night went on. Minutes after midnight Tuesday, Hayden says, an unseen shooter fired at o cers between 1 th and 1 th streets and Olive Street. One o cer was hit in the arm, one in the foot and two in their legs. The o cers were off to the side of the main skirmish lines and never heard the shots before they were struck, according to the chief. None of the wounds was considered life-threatening. “Some coward fired shots at officers, and now we have four in the hospital,” Hayden, who was
choked up, told reporters less than two hours after the shootings. “Thank od, they’re alive. They’re alive.” etired St. Louis police Capt. David Dorn would not be so lucky. The -year-old, who served as the chief of Moline Acres for a time after leaving the St. Louis police force, was gunned down about 2 0 a.m. outside of Lee’s awn Jewelry off of Martin Luther ing Drive in the Ville neighborhood. The shop was reportedly targeted by looters, and Dorn’s wife told the St. Louis Post-Dispatch he was a friend of the owner and would respond to burglar alarms. As of press time, no suspects in Dorn’s killing had been publicly identified. About the same time that Dorn
Police guarded fire scenes on Monday night so firefighters could move in. | THEO WELLING
was shot, a 21-year-old was wounded in Jennings. St. Louis County police say city cops were responding to reports of looting near atural Bridge Avenue and Union Boulevard when someone started firing on them from a maroon Chevrolet Impala. The city o cers chased the Impala north on Interstate 0, and St. Louis County responded, following the sedan onto a dead end road in Jennings. Three people bolted out of the car, and one fired on police before an o cer shot him, county police say. The 21-year-old’s wounds were described as “life-threatening.” A 2 -year-old was also arrested and the third person escaped on foot, police say. By daylight on Tuesday, 2 people had been arrested and at least businesses had been burglarized or otherwise damaged in the mayhem. The swath of destruction extended across the city, from north to south. Cell phone stores, pawn shops, car dealerships and shoe stores were all targeted. At the ravois laza shopping center in Tower rove South, city police and federal agents from the Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and xplosives picked their way through broken glass along a string of burglarized shops. A police crime scene o cer photographed shell casings scattered among empty Nike boxes and discarded shoes outside a looted City Gear store. In Downtown est, yellow po-
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lice tape surrounded the charred remains of the neighborhood - leven while clusters of volunteers stood by with brooms to begin the cleanup. Daffney Moore, 4 , was stunned when she saw footage of the convenience store in ames on the news. “ ou let people know 2 people worked here,” she tells the RFT. There are not many options for even basic groceries nearby, and the - leven was a crucial spot for people living in the surrounding highrises. “ ou could have never told me that this store would have been hit,” says Moore, who lives a few blocks away and walks past the shop on her way to her job with the St. Louis Development Corporation. “ verybody uses this store.” rotesters have drawn a distinction between the nonviolent marches of the day and vandalism and violence of the late nights. At a news conference on Tuesday outside of City Hall, members of the clergy and elected o cials said protest leaders have organized loud, but nonviolent actions. “ e understand the difference between peaceful and nonviolent,” the ev. Darryl ray says. The actions so far have channeled the anger and frustration at widespread police abuse into civil disobedience, such as blocking off city streets and taking over highways. “However, we also understand that protest is organic,” Gray says. “So what you’ve seen at night is still anger, and it’s still frustration, but it’s not organized by our groups.” Anger takes different forms, but state Rep. Rasheen Aldridge, who has helped organize the daytime marches, says it stems from a common source: a system that does not value the lives of black people. It rises in the face of killings, such as that of Floyd in Minneapolis and Michael Brown in Ferguson, but also in constant reminders of low-end jobs and weak schools. “So the anger you’re seeing in young people, like you did last night, is they want to feel respected. They want to feel valid,” he says. “And they feel like sometimes they have to go cause a ruckus or shake up something or burn some things, which I don’t condone, for people to understand their pain.” n
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icheal Ocello steps through an open panel in a tent recently erected in the parking lot outside one of his strip clubs in the Metro East. “This will be the club,” he says, arms extended from his sides as he gestures to the full sweep of the place. It’s a rainy afternoon, two days before Country Rock Cabaret reopens for the first time since mid-March when Il-
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linois restaurants and bars were forced to shut down in hopes of slowing the spread of the coronavirus. The sprawling, cowboy-themed interior — think barn wood and horseshoes fixed to walls — will have to remain closed for now, but the state’s rules allow for outside operations. So Ocello’s crew is improvising with the tent. “I feel like I’m setting up a titty bar in a mining town,” he jokes.
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There will be lights hung overhead, a stage installed along one of the tent walls and tables spaced appropriately along the pavement. A booth constructed of wood and blue tarps is off to one side to accommodate private, if socially distant, dances. Capacity will be limited. The conditions, Ocello concedes, are not optimal. But it’s the first step toward returning to business.
He is the president of International Entertainment Consultants, which operates twelve clubs across six states, including Country Rock and the neighboring Diamond Cabaret in Sauget as well as PT’s Centreville. All the clubs have been closed throughout the spring. One by one, they’re preparing to welcome guests back. A club in Raleigh, North Carolina, opened the week before. Two in Denver were opening that day. One in Louisville, Kentucky, could open the following week. In Sauget, Country Rock is scheduled to be the first of I C’s Illinois clubs to reopen. During the shutdown, the management staff has tried to stay busy, making the best out of more than two months without customers by deep cleaning and making repairs to the facilities. They pulled out beer coolers and sanitized the oor underneath, painted walls and rebuilt parts of the performers’ dressing rooms. Normally, the club opens at 11 a.m. and closes at about 6 a.m. the next day, leaving little time for anything beyond their standard cleaning. But this spring, all they had was time. “It gave us some time to do things that we typically don’t have time to do,” Ocello says. And while the clubs were being polished and renewed, he’s encouraged his employees to take on projects of personal growth as well. Shortly before they closed, he brought in an expert on meditation, impressed by the research that shows the practice helps creativity and reduces stress. “You’ve got to take time like this that isn’t exactly positive to anybody and find ways to find those nuggets of positivity, and this is an opportunity to do that,” he says. All across greater St. Louis, there have been versions of this. COVID-19 forced a hibernation in the metro region — and much of the globe — as the majority of us have spent long weeks at home. Life became a closeup as we narrowed the frame on our worlds. Nights out on the town turned into drinks on the front steps. Happy hours in dark bars were replaced by poorly lit video conferences from our couches. Trends in dining shifted away from hot restaurants and toward sourdough starters fermenting on our kitchen counters and dried beans slow-soaking on our stovetops. Our focus turned intensely inward, even as we followed the news outside of a virus wreaking havoc on entire nations. We
walked our neighborhoods more. Maybe got to know people next door better. Existential fears of wrongly chosen careers gave way to concrete nightmares of lost jobs and hours spent pacing our living rooms with cellphones pressed
we were sheltering in place, St. Louis has changed in big and small ways outside the periphery of our frazzled grocery store runs. A drive through Downtown West on Olive Street is a good example. At one time, there was
Kimmie Haze makes the best of Country Rock Cabaret’s temporary tent setup. | THEO WELLING against our ears, trying to sort out unemployment benefits. ven if you were lucky (or unlucky, as the case may be) enough to be considered “essential” during this long, strange season, COVID-19 has interrupted the normal patterns and blocked off familiar paths. The diner where you once sought refuge over a cheeseburger deluxe switched to “contactless” carryout. The barbershop or salon where you gossiped on Saturday mornings went dark. The coffee shop where you lingered at the counter closed its dining room. Lingering in general was discouraged, except in your own home. Our cars sat quietly. There was nowhere to go. But now St. Louis is slowly starting to open up again. And the sensation is, well, a little weird. While
St. Louis has been busy while you were sheltering in place. | DOYLE MURPHY
a wide parking lot east of 22nd Street where the police department parked a portion of its battery of armored vehicles, box trucks, tra c devices and random patrol cars. Bordering the edge was a blond brick commercial building where, in the not too distant past, there was a payday lender, tattoo parlor and JR Market, a shop where you could buy a tallboy and a gyro and play a game of pool within the surprisingly expansive interior. An empty space on the end of the complex was once home to Club Blackwood, according to a partially intact sign, but that’s been some years. The police moved their vehicles, and several of the businesses were forced out when their landlord wouldn’t renew their leases. JR Market was the last to go, eventually moving to a new spot up the street to make way for a new Major League Soccer stadium.
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When most of St. Louis went dark, the parking lot had already been scraped away and a chainlink fence surrounded the site. But work on the stadium has never stopped. In early April, wrecking crews mashed through the walls of the old JR Market. The bucket of the excavator clawed away the bricks with enough precision that the glass front door remained solidly in place while the back of the building was busted into rubble. And then it too was cleared away. The Pine Street ramp, which ran through the site to Interstate 64, is now gone, as are a couple of blocks of Pine Street itself. What you’ll see now beyond the chainlink fence and construction screen is a massive pit, more than 30 feet below street level, that stretches from Olive to Market Street. The whole endeavor is neighborhood changing, the kind of thing that can make the gradual re-expansion of life beyond neighborhood walks and essential excursions disorienting after so many weeks away. It is the type of change that makes you realize how much time has passed — and how much is different. On May 1, less than three weeks before the City of St. Louis would begin easing the restrictions of its stay-at-home order, Mayor Lyda Krewson announced a sizable repaving project. It started at the edge of the stadium site, but will eventually cover 30 separate sections of roads in the downtown area. “One benefit to more people staying home these days is that there are fewer people on the roads,” Krewson said at the time in a news release. “So, we’re able to take advantage of that and the warmer weather to get started on this much-needed work.” “Fewer people on the roads” is an accurate way to describe the situation for much of St. Louis’ stay-at-home order. It’s been all but forgotten in the cyclone churn of news cycles, but conspiracy theorists made headlines as recently as April, warning of the surreptitious creep of authoritarianism across the land as a sure preparation of full-on martial law. Just the sound of “shelter in place” or the gentler “stay at home” edicts in early March raised fears of being locked down in our homes, subject to arrest by roving police if we were caught on the streets without proof of an essential mission. In reality, it has never been a full shutdown. There were enough carve-outs in the orders to allow just about anything a person was
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Jason Spencer’s new wraparound mural at the Gramophone is ready for our return from the COVID-19 lockdown. | JASON SPENCER
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willing to risk. That was particularly true in outstate Missouri, where Gov. Mike Parson’s order was more of a suggestion. But even under stricter rules imposed by St. Louis and St. Louis County, the private citizen has been able to buy cocktails to go, shop for groceries, spend long afternoons in parks that have never been busier. So there is still some tra c. But it has been quieter. Those of us fortunate enough to still have jobs are more likely to be working from home. We’re not commuting like we did — if we’re doing it at all. Government buildings have been largely closed. As a result, downtown has felt eerily empty. So much so that St. Louis police say they’ve had problems with street racers taking advantage of unobstructed roadways. The department has made a point of publicizing a crackdown, repeatedly tweeting pictures of their seized vehicles and ATVs secured on the beds of tow trucks. During the days, the city and Ameren have teamed up on the repaving project, dedicating about $2 million in labor and resources to repairing the battered roads. In recent years, utility work has chopped up the surface all through these areas. “The streets were pretty beat up in the interim,” says Scott Ogilvie, a transportation policy planner for the city. As people start moving around downtown again, the repaving project isn’t going to be “night and day” noticeable, he adds. But it’s a significant amount of clean, black asphalt, mostly centered on a rectangular grid, bordered on the west by Tucker Boulevard and on the east by North Fourth Street, sandwiched between Washington Avenue and Market Street. It’s about five weeks worth of work,
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There is now a huge pit in place of Pine Street and an I-64 onramp at the MLS site. | DOYLE MURPHY the city estimates. On a recent weekday afternoon, north-south streets edging Citygarden look pristine. Bright white paint makes crosswalks pop. Normally, all the parking would be gone, and the shirt-and-tie crowd from the nearby o ce buildings and courthouses would be lined up at food trucks. But the only people are families wandering through the park and the occasional security guard still on the job. People seem to have found a rhythm to all this. The chaotic early days have been replaced by, yes, a baseline level of stress that was higher than before, but you also see people finding escape valves in front-porch musicians, first-time garden pro ects and long, leisurely walks. St. Louis artist Jason Spencer saw a lot of his commercial work dry up in the first weeks of the pandemic. “I think everyone was so unsure of what the lockdown meant, and I do a lot of work for musicians and restaurants and bars and alcohol companies,” he says. “So a lot of people who had work didn’t have work anymore, so they didn’t have money to spend on art.” Over the past decade, Spencer
has become an in-demand choice for murals and album artwork. The clients for his outlandish creations range from local businesses such as Pizza Head to national acts, including Panic! At the Disco. Suddenly idled with a disaster swirling, Spencer found it di cult to think about creating anything new. But after a few weeks, he began to push himself forward. “I personally tried to make more lifestyle changes where I would get my physical body off the chair every now and then, and that will make me mentally ready to make cool stuff again.” Jobs began to pick up a little. Cooped-up bands were making music they wanted to release and needed album artwork. And a long-running project to create a wraparound mural on the back patio of The Gramophone was rebooted. He spent a couple weeks on that one, creating an outerspace world of rocketing City Wide beer cans and extraterrestrial sandwiches. “I was real happy with that,” he says. “It’s cool to see wraparound murals. I just don’t get the opportunity a lot of times. It’s cool to walk into and feel like you’re in a different place.” n
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314.772.980 3153 MORGANFORD RD. ST LOUIS, MO 63116 Under new ownership, Three Monkeys has transformed into one of the best neighborhood restaurants & whiskey pubs in the area. With an ever-growing list of over 60 whiskeys, 16 craft beers on draft, specialty cocktail & an exciting new menu of gastro pub favorites - they have something for everyone. The menu is ample with offerings, including some of St. Louis’s best hand-tossed pizza, great shareable appetizers, burgers, vegetarian options, pasta, steaks & more. Embracing the price point of other south city pubs, Three Monkeys offers a great happy hour! Come enjoy $6 select appetizers, including the best fried Brussels sprouts in town, $5 Manhattans, Sazeracs & Old Fashions, as well as discounts on wine & craft beer. Sunday features one of the most extensive brunch buffets in the city, loaded with your favorite breakfast items, an omelet & pasta station, plus seafood, appetizers, desserts, & many other goodies. Located in Tower Grove South, it’s the perfect place to have dinner, share a pizza with family, or just belly up to the bar with your favorite drink.
BLKMKTEATS.COM
314.391.5100 9 S. VANDEVENTER AVE. ST. LOUIS, MO 63108 The fast-fresh, made-to-order concept has been applied to everything from pizza to pasta in St. Louis, but the sushi burrito surprisingly had no Gateway City home until BLK MKT Eats opened near Saint Louis University last fall. It was worth the wait, though, because BLK MKT Eats combines bold flavors and convenience into a perfectly wrapped package that’s ideal for those in a rush. Cousins and co-owners Kati Fahrney and Ron Turigliatto offer a casual menu full of high-quality, all-natural ingredients that fit everything you love about sushi and burritos right in your hand. TheNOT SwedishYOUR Fish layers Scandinavian cured salmon, yuzu dillSPOT slaw, AVERAGE SUSHI Persian cucumbers and avocado for a fresh flavor explosion. Another favorite, the OG Fire, features your choice 9 SOUTH VANDEVENTER DINE-IN, TAKEOUT OR DELIVERY MON-SAT 11AM-9PM of spicy tuna or salmon alongside tempura crunch, masago, shallots, jalapeño and piquant namesake sauce; Persian cucumbers and avocado soothe your tongue from the sauce’s kick. All burrito rolls come with sticky rice wrapped in nori or can be made into poké bowls, and all items can be modified for vegetarians.
CRAWLING CRAB 314.328.3421 6730 PAGE AVE ST. LOUIS, MO 63138 Looking for the best seafood in St. Louis or the Midwest—don’t fret, Crawling Crab is now open! Here, we drizzle everything in garlic butter and then sprinkle on our magic dust! In a fun and casual atmosphere, you’ll enjoy fresh, hand-cleaned seafood ranging from lobster, shrimp, and of course crab legs. All platters come with corn sausage potatoes and Cajun boiled eggs and shrimp that won’t disappoint. For those pasta and veggie lovers out there, there is a spot for you here too! Enjoy our double dipped garlic butter rolls along side with your meal. And if you are still not stuffed, we have homemade dessert on the menu too! Have a big family coming in or an event coming up? Enjoy our family meal options and our beautiful seafood tables. As we continue to grow, we are excited to add new items to the menu, get creative with new recipes, and give back within the community. Join us on the first Tuesday of the month for $20 platter specials, and $5 appetizers on every Wild Wednesday! Open Tuesday thru Saturday 4pm-10pm, currently located in the 24:1 Coffee House Cafe.
CRISPY EDGE CRISPYEDGE.COM
314.310.3343 4168 JUNIATA STREET ST. LOUIS, MO 63116 What began in 2013 as a passion project in the founder’s kitchen has now grown into a retail and wholesale potsticker manufacturing facility located right in the heart of Tower Grove South. Crispy Edge believes that potstickers are the perfect vehicle to explore authentic global flavors from breakfast to dessert: handheld, wrapped in dough, and CRISPY! The restaurant features indoor and dog-friendly outdoor seating, private dining room, and a café lounge. The full bar and hot beverage program highlight local specialty coffee, cocktails, and beers. All products are made in-house and sourced from the finest ingredients. From Ordinary to Extraordinary - Crispy Edge is a global community for those who want something fun, tasty, social and exciting to eat.
J. SMUGS GASTROPIT JSMUGSGASTROPIT.COM
314.499.7488 4916 SHAW AVE ST. LOUIS, MO 63110 Housed in a retro service station, J. Smugs GastroPit serves up barbecue that can fuel anyone’s fire. Married teams of Joe and Kerri Smugala and John and Linda Smugala have brought charred goodness to the Hill neighborhood, nestled among the traditional Italian restaurants, sandwich shops and bakeries. Part of St. Louis’ ongoing barbecue boom, the J. Smugs’ pit menu is compact but done right. Ribs are the main attraction, made with a spicy dry rub and smoked to perfection. Pulled pork, brisket, turkey and chicken are also in the pit holding up well on their own, but squeeze bottles of six tasty sauces of varying style are nearby for extra punch. Delicious standard sides and salads are available, but plan on ordering an appetizer or two J. Smugs gives this course a twist with street corn and pulled-pork poutine. Several desserts are available, including cannoli – a tasty nod to the neighborhood. Happy hour from 4 to 7pm on weekdays showcases halfdollar BBQ tastes, discount drinks, and $6 craft beer flights to soothe any beer aficionado.
THE KICKIN’ CRAB THEKICKINCRAB.COM
314.888.8688 9616 OLIVE BLVD OLIVETTE, MO 63132 The Kickin’ Crab has joined the Crustacean Nation and is here to satisfy your taste sensation. The Kickin’ Crab is a fun-filled Cajun seafood destination where patrons come and escape into flavor paradise. Offering a distinct ambiance to enjoy the finest and freshest Cajun seafood around! Kickin’ Crab is a great place to hang out with friends, family, or both! No plates... no utensils! Just your hands, a bib, and our unique and absolutely irresistible KC sauces - a combination of spicy, sweet and tangy flavors - over freshly prepared seafood that will give your taste buds satisfaction unlike anything else you’ve ever tasted. Join us and partake in the festivities and quality of seafood that The Kickin’ Crab has to offer.
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JUNE 3-9, 2020
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[SIDE DISH]
Pandemic Perseverance Kurt Bellon knew Chao Baan’s first year would be tough, but he wasn’t expecting a pandemic Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
K
urt Bellon has worked in the restaurant industry long enough to know that a restaurant’s first year is always a challenge. However, for he and his team at Chao Baan (4087 Chouteau Avenue, #5; 314925-8250 , the first twelve months have been a special kind of di cult — and the pandemic is only part of the story. “No restaurant is easy to open, and the first year is always difficult to get through,” Bellon explains. “But almost every challenge you can have in opening a restaurant, we’ve made it through — getting our name out there, building business, explaining to people this new type of Thai food, [owner Shayn Prapisilp’s] cancer, which he was so strong throughout. Honestly, that was one of the best perspectives to get: No matter how hard anything was going on a particular day, seeing his strength and resolve through that experience made things seem easier.” As Chao Baan’s general manager, Bellon has had the responsibility of helping Prapaisilp guide the restaurant through the unprecedented challenge that COVID-19 had imposed on the business. He admits it hasn’t been easy, but the di culties have made him realize how thankful he is that he’s made his career in the food and beverage industry. That almost wasn’t the case. Though he’s been working in the restaurant business since he was fifteen years old, Bellon assumed he’d go a different direction for his career. He attended Notre Dame for finance and left school his sophomore year for a job with a financial firm. However, it
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Kurt Bellon is helping to guide Chao Baan through the COVID-19 pandemic. | ANDY PAULISSEN didn’t take long for him to realize that his heart just wasn’t in it — and he knew exactly where it was. “Working there wasn’t so much of a calling for me as was the everyday service of working in the hospitality industry,” Bellon says. “One of the things throughout my experience in all my careers is pinpointing the threads that connect us. Food is universally that for everyone no matter where you come from in life. It’s a really great platform to make connections, and that’s the biggest thing that appeals to me.” Bellon has had the chance to find those threads in a variety of restaurants, something he credits with helping him in his job. He credits his resume, which includes Sub Zero, Tortillaria, Katies Pizza & Pasta, Brasserie, Retreat Gastropub and Yellowbelly, as having allowed him to soak up different perspectives to see what works. He brought that experience with him to Chao Baan a year ago and had been enjoying the opportunity to help build what he refers to as “the most transparent and authentic concept I’ve ever worked in.” Even through Prapaisilp’s cancer diagnosis last year, the restaurant always seemed to be a source of positivity for the Grove neighbor-
JUNE 3-9, 2020
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hood, and Bellon felt like it had gotten into a good rhythm. Then came March. Bellon and his colleagues at other restaurants in the Grove braced as the COVID-19 outbreak turned their industry upside down and have been working nonstop to figure out the best way to make it through. For Bellon, it’s not the logistical challenges of how to run the restaurant (takeout only, whether or not to open the patio), but the impact it’s had on his staff that has been the most difficult part of the situation. mployees are working harder for less money, and helping them navigate those di culties has been his primary focus. As challenging as that is, Bellon finds himself filled with gratitude for the career he’s carved out in an industry that he loves. He’s hopeful that this tough situation is giving he and his colleagues the opportunity to show just how much we are all connected. “With all the uncertainty and challenges, we all have our chance now to show who we are more than ever,” Bellon says. “There are good things, even in an overall bad situation. Realizing that makes you appreciate what you have. That’s how you get through it.” Bellon took a moment to share
his thoughts on the impact the COVID-19 pandemic is having on the restaurant industry, how he maintains a sense of normalcy in a distinctly abnormal time, and why the advice of Mr. Rogers is as pertinent now as ever. As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? Like many of the hospitality pros that I have looked up to in this industry, I am wired to provide great face-to-face service for all of our guests. I feel as cooped up as anyone during this quarantine and am eager to get out to the patio to see and serve our guests. What do you miss most about your job? The vibe of a busy dining room where friends and families are sharing a good meal and making memories with the people they care about. What do you miss least? There can be a sense of complacency in the day-to-day where negative gripes can overshadow the positive experiences that surround us. I feel that we are doing a much better job of fully appreciating the little things now. What is one thing you make sure you do every day to maintain a
sense of normalcy? Mise en place and daily prep looks different these days, but the purpose is the same — gathering the tools and items needed to face the shift ahead, no matter what the evening may bring. What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? I’m on a spicy food kick lately and have been expanding my limits on that front with no end in sight. Fried rice has always been a comfort food, so I’m experimenting with different proteins and spice levels. What are the three things you’ve made sure you don’t want to run out of, other than toilet paper? Hand sanitizer, a fresh, clean face mask and quality to-go ware. You have to be quarantined with three people. Who would you pick? My work family of Gamseng (head chef), Piya (chef) and Andrew (my right hand man!). They have been working with me every day, and there’s no one else I’d rather be with during these times. We push each other to do our best work, take the time to laugh at ourselves and help keep each other sane. Once COVID-19 is no longer a threat and people feel comfortable going back out and about, what’s the first thing you’ll do? Restart my weekly routine of doing my laundry at my mom’s and having dinner with her. And of course, giving her the biggest hug of my life! What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to return to normal activity levels? Well the more things change, the more some things remain the same. As many establishments pivot their models to adjust to this new normal, it also gives everyone a chance to identify and showcase the core values and service that make us all unique and great. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? Mr. Rogers gave great advice during times of crisis: Focus on the folks that help us get through it all. During this time, we have been blessed with the opportunity to serve not only local medical workers and firemen, but the amazing members of our St. Louis community who are out there helping any way that they can. n
Schlafly Bankside opened May 22 in the former home of Trailhead Brewing. | COURTESY SCHLAFLY
[SHORT ORDERS]
Beer Rebirth Schlafly Bankside opens in St. Charles as dining scene shifts Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
F
or Fran Caradonna, CEO of Schlafly Beer, the decision about whether to open the brewery’s new St. Charles location amid the coronavirus-altered dining landscape wasn’t too difficult. Since last fall, she and her team had been working hard on the purchase of the beloved St. Charles institution Trailhead Brewing, and when that deal was finalized in January, they were full steam ahead on transforming the brewery into Schlafly Bankside (920 South Main Street, St. Charles; 636-946-2739). As she sees it, they were already all-in, and there was no turning back. “We were already committed at this point,” Caradonna explains. “If they would’ve come to us in April rather than October, I don’t know, but it turns out that starting something new has been a pleasant, positive thing for us to focus on. We’ve gotten such appreciation from Schlafly and Trailhead fans, and there has been such gratitude for us doing something new and taking a risk.” The excitement for Schlafly Bankside has been brewing since January 15, when the beer company officially took over operations of Trailhead in preparation for a rebranding of the 25-year-old Main Street mainstay. Though a temporary closure for remodeling was already
scheduled for March, the shuttered doors took on a different meaning when the COVID-19 outbreak began hitting the St. Louis metropolitan area. In addition to spending the scheduled downtime redoing floors and freshening up the paint, Caradonna and her team had to figure out how to navigate the food and beverage industry’s new reality, which included temporarily closing their other two brewpubs. Most importantly, they had to worry about their employees’ health and safety. “For me, protecting our employees is paramount,” Caradonna says. “If our employees can’t come to work, we are out of business, but also, I don’t want anyone to get sick. It’s really important that what we are doing provides a safe working environment. That comes first. Without that, we have nothing.” On May 22, Schlafly opened Bankside, as well as its Tap Room and Bottleworks locations, with the safety of employees and guests as its guiding principle. Though Caradonna says that in normal times there would have been a large grand-opening celebration, that sort of revelry has been shelved. Instead of the throngs of merrymakers it planned to host, the brewpub is operating at 25 percent capacity with most of its business centered on outdoor dining. It’s not the sort of opening day she would’ve envisioned back in the fall, but Caradonna feels thankful for the community’s support as her team works through the challenges. “The uncertainty and swiftness of this all is just a reminder that we are not in charge, are we?” she muses. “I used to tell the kids when they were younger that it’s not what happens to you but how you respond to what happens to you. Right now, we just have to take a deep breath and put on our big-girl pants to get through.” n
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JUNE 3-9, 2020
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[VINYL]
Needle on the Record St. Louis record stores Vintage Vinyl, Planet Score and Euclid Records reopen Written by
DANIEL HILL & JAIME LEES
A
s businesses across the St. Louis area begin poking their heads up out of their quarantine bunkers and offering their wares to the public again, three of St. Louis’ favorite record stores have opened back up this week as well. Vintage Vinyl (6610 Delmar Boulevard, 314-721-4096), Planet Score Records (7421 Manchester Road, 314-282-0777) and Euclid Records (19 North Gore Avenue, 314-961-8978) are all open to the public as of Monday, joining Record Exchange, Music Record Shop and Wax Rats, which all opened their doors in May. But as with those stores, the ones that reopened this week will have some new safety guidelines in place aimed at controlling the spread of coronavirus. Vintage Vinyl and Planet Score have each installed plexiglass at the checkout counter, offering protection for both shoppers and store workers. All three stores will have hand sanitizer at the ready for all guests. Euclid and Planet Score will require all customers and employees to wear masks. Orlandez Lewis, marketing and promotions director for Vintage Vinyl, says that the store will require employees to do so, but for customers masks will be optional. “Masks will not be a requirement,” Lewis tells RFT. “If people come in and say, for instance, they forget their mask, or they would feel better with a mask, we do have a good amount to where we’ll be able to supply people, customers, if they wish to wear a mask and have gloves and such. But we aren’t making it a requirement.” All three stores will be enforcing
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Plexiglass dividers are just one part of Vintage Vinyl’s reopening plan. | MATT HARNISH social distancing, and there will be limits on the number of people allowed in each store at any given time, in accordance with guidelines from local leadership. For some, that means a fairly small number. In a caption of a photo posted to social media on Monday afternoon, Planet Score noted that, “Ten minutes back and we’re at full capacity,” which in this case means eight customers and two employees. “There could be a little wait if ya come by today, fair warning.” But there are also new procedures in place at some stores for those who would prefer not to go inside just yet. Euclid Records, which lists its entire inventory on its website, will be offering curbside pickup in addition to mail-order and, starting this week, deliv-
JUNE 3-9, 2020
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ery within a ten-mile radius at the store. Vintage Vinyl, meanwhile, is revamping its website and offering curbside pickup for customers. “Before it was just kind of our accessories, T-shirts and Vintage Vinyl things,” Lewis says. “But now we’re gonna be looking to actually selling music and other things on there as well.” It’s worth noting that these guidelines can and likely will evolve over time as we learn more about COVID-19 and how it spreads. In a social media post going over the store’s new guidelines, Euclid Records says, “Remember, these aren’t set in stone, they’re written in pencil and will change from week to week.” For up-to-date information about mask requirements, social distancing rules, sanitization pro-
cedures, store hours and new contactless ways to pay, you can visit the Vintage Vinyl, Planet Score Records and Euclid Records Facebook pages. And while it could be months until you can just casually hang out in a record store all day again, at least for now you can get in, make your purchases and slide on home with your new pandemic companion goods. “We just wanna thank everybody who’s been patient with us and dealing with a lot of things in this time,” Lewis says of Vintage Vinyl. “The most important thing is we want our customers to feel safe and we want the staff to feel safe as well, but we just want them to know that we’ve been thinking about them and we do appreciate their patience.” n
The park in happier times. | VIA JEREMY THOMPSON/FLICKR
[ T H E M E PA R K S ]
Sick Flags Six Flags St. Louis to require reservations, masks upon reopening Written by
DANIEL HILL
S
ix Flags St. Louis will be upping its safety measures when it reopens this year, in an attempt to slow the spread of coronavirus. Though the popular local theme park has not yet announced a reopening date, a press release last week from Six Flags Entertainment Corporation revealed that the entire chain of parks will be requiring guests to complete online reservations before coming to the park, so as to aid in the implementation of social distancing. “The health and safety of our guests and team members is always our highest priority and in the current environment, we certainly want to take extra precautions to create a safe experience for everyone,” Six Flags President and CEO Mike Spanos says in a statement. “We are excited about reopening our parks and getting back to the business of fun; however, we want to do so in the safest possible manner. By having guests pre-register before they visit, we can plan ahead with proper staffing and sanitization measures, including ensuring that guests and team members maintain safe social distancing throughout the day.” According to the amusement park company, the reservation process will take about five to seven minutes, and will feature five steps. Guests will be required to: • Enter online order number, ticket number, or Membership/Season Pass number • Select the visit date, and the approximate time they wish to enter the park
• Watch a brief video with new social distancing and sanitization procedures • Acknowledge understanding of the company’s health policy • Order pre-paid parking, if they do not already have a pass If the date on which a guest plans to visit is already booked up, they will have the option to be put on a waitlist. Should someone cancel and free up a space, staff will contact that person via email or text to let them know that a slot on the day they’d like to visit is now open. In addition to the new reservation system, Six Flags has put together an expansive list of health and safety protocols dubbed the Six Flags Re-Opening Plan. That plan will require all guests over the age of two and all employees to wear masks covering the nose and mouth at all times on the property, except in some cases of disability or religious exemption, as well as when guests are in one of the water attractions in Hurricane Harbor. Masks will be available for purchase at the front gate. The company will also screen all guests and employees with temperature checks to be sure no one on the premises has a fever. Additionally, the plan says that Six Flags will strictly enforce social distancing protocols. The park will operate at reduced capacity and will provide markers encouraging those waiting in lines to stand six feet apart, and dining and water park seating areas will be reconfigured to keep people at a greater distance from one another. Employees will be tasked with encouraging people to keep their distance. Those social distancing measure extend to the rides themselves as well. Strategies for placing distance between guests on the rides will vary from attraction to attraction, but will include empty rows of seats and empty seats within rows to separate riders. The company will also introduce increased santitization measures, regularly disinfecting all “high touch” points including chairs, tubes, tables and benches. Hand-washing
and hand-sanitizing stations will be places throughout the park, and the bathrooms will be cleaned regularly. Cleaning teams will likewise continuously clean the rides, as well as dining, cabana and locker areas. Items used to play games in the park will be sanitized between uses when possible, otherwise guests will be given gloves. Arcades will also be reconfigured to maximize social distancing. The dining experience at Six Flags will be affected by the new measures as well. Open-access buffets, cutlery and condiment stations will be eliminated outright, and only unused cups will be allowed at beverage filling stations. Mobile food ordering will be implemented as well, with modified menus. And just in case guests start to lose the
plot in regard to the more stringent measures, Six Flags’ in-park network of televisions will feature regular messaging about social distancing and staying germ-free. “We have developed a comprehensive reopening safety plan that includes best practices from theme park and waterpark industry experts, along with top destination parks from around the world, which will allow guests to experience our parks in the safest possible way,” Spanos says in a statement. “This ’new normal’ will be very different, but we believe these additional measures are appropriate in the current environment.” While Six Flags St. Louis has not yet announced a date for reopening, the company plans to open the doors to Frontier City, its Oklahoma-based location, on June 5. n
[APOCALYPSE SOUNDTRACK]
PANDE-MIX: AN END OF THE WORLD MIXTAPE
BY CHRIS WARD Each week, former KDHX DJ Chris Ward examines a song from his quarantinebased playlist dealing with isolation, loneliness, hope and germs. This song and more can be found on the Spotify playlist, “Pande-Mix: An End of the World Playlist”: https://spoti.fi/2WZGTJZ.
“Ballrooms of Mars” from The Slider (1972) by T. Rex
Y
ou talk about day. I’m talking ‘bout night time.” To talk T. Rex is to talk in obsessions. And here are a few of my obsessions with this song. First, and it bears re-iterating, Marc Bolan is sex. And this song sneaks down a dark alley in such a sexy fucking way I want to grab my hair and scream like a teenager. When Bolan barks “ROCK!” — the way he screams it, the clipped way it hits after a hushed verse, the way it’s so on the nose it’s beautiful, so hot, so charged, so perfect, the way it’s both an order and just a general exclamation point — it might be one of the single coolest moment in all of rock & roll to me. Jeff Hess played this song on his final episode of one of the greatest radio shows of all time, Afternoon Delight on KDHX, and I melted in my seat. What a walk-off homerun this is as a swan song. Roll credits.
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I also want to talk about my favorite line: “You talk about day. I’m talking ‘bout night time. When monsters call out the names of men.” A line that gently touches your chin, looks you in the eye, and says, “My sweet girl … my innocent boy … you think you know, but you have no idea.” It’s under moonlight. It’s erotic menace. It’s the line you want to cross but have to beg. “There are things in night that are better not to behold,” he says, grinning. Goddamn, Marc Bolan. Show me the way. This is one of the many songs on this playlist without a very literal connection to the pandemic. It’s just a vibe, man. Pride Month has begun, and it doesn’t feel like a party right now. We’re still gripped in the arms of the changeless madman: Be primed for dancing. Rock. This song and many more can be found on Chris Ward’s Pande-Mix playlist on Spotify. n
JUNE 3-9, 2020
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SAVAGE LOVE BLINDERS BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: Here goes: I’m a 32-yearold gay male, and I have trouble staying out of my head during sex. I feel like there may be many issues. The one non-issue is everything works fine on y o n hen ’ single or “available,” I am OK. Let’s be honest: I’m a slut, and I enjoy it. But when I invest in someone, when I’m trying to have an actual relationship, the se su ers ith rtner re about, I feel nervous. I feel small both mentally and physically. And I worry my dick is small. I’ve measured and photographed it, so I know better, but something in me is always asking ... are you really enough? I’m currently in an open relationship with a guy I’ve known for a decade. He’s amazing. Often I’m hard AF just sitting there relaxing with him. But the closer we get to actually having sex, the more nervous I become. I even stop breathing consistently. It’s almost like I feel ashamed to want someone so much. Or something? It’s frustrating because I would love nothing more than to fuck like rabbits until we’re both exhausted. I love him, and I want to be able to please him sexually! Our intimacy, our conversation, our connection — everything else is so strong. But I feel like my problem will kill any future I might have with him. He hasn’t really expressed a concern, but I worry. I have considered the idea of therapy, but the idea of talking to some stranger about my sex life face to face is just daunting. So what do I do? My other thought is to just blindfold him and say bottoms up. Dazed In Love So you don’t wanna talk with a therapist about your issues — which touch on more than just sex — but you’re willing to talk to me and all of my readers about them. I realize it’s a little different, DIL, as you don’t have to look me in the eye while we discuss your dick. But there are therapists who specialize in helping people work through their issues around sex, and they’re usually pretty good at setting nervous new clients at ease. They have to be. So I would encourage you to have a few sessions with a sex-pos-
itive queer shrink. Talking about your dick with a stranger will be awkward at first, of course, but ust like eating ass, DIL, the more you do it, the less awkward it gets — and after a few sessions, your therapist won’t be a stranger anymore. (To find a sex-positive poly-positive sex therapist, head over to the website of the American Association of Sexuality Educators, Counselors and Therapists: aasect.org.) In the meantime, DIL, go ahead and blindfold your boyfriend — if he’s game, of course, and I can’t imagine he wouldn’t be. You seem to have an irrational fear of being seen. If your boyfriend were to get a good look at you naked, DIL, especially if he got a good look at your dick, you’re convinced he would suddenly conclude — even though he’s known you for a decade and is obviously into you — that you’re not “enough” for him. So don’t let him get a good look. Blindfold that boy. Don’t lie to him about why you want to blindfold him — tell him you feel a little insecure — but bringing in a blindfold makes working through your insecurities into a sexy game. Being able to have sex with the boyfriend without having to worry about him sizing up your cock will free you to enjoy sex, and who knows? After a few hot sex sessions with your sensory-deprived boyfriend (or a few dozen hot sessions), your confidence may get the boost it needs and you won’t feel so insecure about your cock or anything else. And even if your dick was small — which it isn’t, DIL, and you’ve got the measurements and photos to prove it — you could still have great sex with your boyfriend. Guys with dicks of all sizes, even guys without dicks, can have great sex. And if you’re still nervous after blindfolding the boyfriend and worried you’ll go soft, DIL, you can take the pressure off by enjoying sex acts and play that don’t require you to be hard. You can bottom for him, you can blow him, you can use toys on his ass, you can sit on his face while he jacks off, etc. There’s a lot you can do without your dick. Zooming out, DIL, intimacy and hot sex are often negatively correlated — meaning, the more intimate a relationship becomes, the less hot the sex gets. Anyone who’s watched more than one American
“Before I met my boyfriend, I would have considered myself a steady dick-jumper.” sitcom has heard a million jokes about this sad fact. People in sexually exclusive relationships who still want hot sex to be a part of their lives have to work at solving this problem with their partners. But if you’re in an open relationship and can get sex elsewhere, well, then you can have love and intimacy and pretty good sex with your partner and adventures and novelty and crazy hot sex with other people. Ideally, of course, a person in an open relationship wants — and it is possible for a person in an open relationship to have — hot sex with their committed partner as well as their other partners. But some people can’t make it work, DIL. However hard they try, some people can’t have uninhibited or unselfconscious sex with a longterm partner. The more invested they are in someone, the higher the stakes are, the longer they’re together, etc., the less arousing sex is for them. Most of the people with this problem — people who aren’t capable of having great sex with a long-long-long-term partner — are in monogamous relationships and, judging from the jokes on sitcoms, they’re utterly (but hilariously) miserable. You’re not in a monogamous relationship, DIL, so if it turns out you’re incapable of having great sex with a committed partner — if you can’t manage to integrate those things — you don’t have to go without great sex. You can have intimacy at home and great sex elsewhere. But it’s a double-edged sword, DIL, because if you can get hot sex elsewhere, you may not be motivated to do the work required — to talk to that shrink, to get that blindfold, to work through those issues — that would make it possible for you to have great sex with your partner and others.
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Hey, Dan: I’ve been with my boyfriend for three years. I’m a 27-yearold o n nd this s y first “real” relationship. Before I met my boyfriend, I would have considered myself a steady dick-jumper. ent itting ro guy to guy n paper, our relationship seemed great. He tries to make sure I have what I need, whether it’s a meal, a TV show, a record to play. He is stable and affectionate; most of all, he wanted to be with me. But he’s oring hen t l to hi nt to be somewhere, anywhere else. The more I tried to engage with him, the more obvious our lack of any deep connection seemed. He is stoic and un-emotional whereas I cry during car commercials. I’m desperately seeking an emotional equal. Every day I go back and forth between loving where we are and wanting to run the fuck away. I have a tendency to do the latter — with guys, friends, jobs — so I don’t know what I REALLY want. ut eel so in redi ly un ulfilled eh e l luster se li e nd I feel more like his roommate the past year than his girlfriend. I want to be inspired by my partner. My question is... actually, I’m not really sure I have a question. First Relationship Fizzle Since you didn’t ask a question, FRF, I guess you don’t require an answer. So I’ll make an observation instead: You repeatedly refer to this relationship in the past tense. “... this was my first real’ relationship,” “... our relationship seemed great,” “... the more I tried.”) So you obviously know what you need to do. Your soon-tobe-ex-boyfriend sounds like a good guy, FRF, and you don’t want to hurt him, which makes dumping him harder. But if he’s not the right guy for you, FRF, you’re not the right woman for him. Go back to itting. Maybe one day you’ll ump on a dick that’s attached to a guy you who inspires you. Or maybe you don’t want one guy — forever or for long. Some people are happier itting than settling. June 4 at 7 p.m. PST will be my first-ever Savage Lovecast Livestream! Tickets are at savagelovecast.com/events. mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savagelovecast.com
JUNE 3-9, 2020
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