THE LEDE
“I’m letting my son know that united we stand, divided we fall, and we’re here with all races and genders to defend our equality as black men. And I’m teaching him, as a black father, what a healthy protest looks like and making change and to unite in making a difference in folks.”
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PHOTO BY THEO WELLING
— TONY WEST WITH SON TONY WEST II AT THE EXPECT US PROTEST IN THE CENTRAL WEST END ON WEDNESDAY ON JULY 3 riverfronttimes.com
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Find the Story
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ne of my favorite genres of journalism is the story behind the story. The news cycle whirs incredibly fast, and important tales are often flung to the side unseen. But every once in a while, someone spends the time to reexamine what was missed. For this week’s cover story, writer Ymani Wince returns to St. Louis’ biggest march since the killing of George Floyd and finds the untold story of the four young women who organized it. Wince traces their arc from high school activists awakened by the killing of Michael Brown to skilled organizers, reuniting to combat yet another injustice. Wince is a regular contributor to the RFT’s music pages, and this is her first cover story. She teamed with photographers Nyara Williams and Andy Paulissen for this piece, and I think you’ll find they make a compelling case for investing in a second look.
— Doyle Murphy, editor in chief
TABLE OF CONTENTS CAN’T
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Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy
E D I T O R I A L Digital Editor Jaime Lees Hero In A Hot Dog Suit Daniel Hill Contributors Trenton Almgren-Davis, Cheryl Baehr, Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Thomas Crone, Mike Fitzgerald, Judy Lucas, Noah MacMillan, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Christian Schaeffer, Chris Ward, Theo Welling, Danny Wicentowski, Nyara Williams, Ymani Wince Columnist Ray Hartmann A R T
& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Editorial Layout Haimanti Germain Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy
COVER
C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers
Called to Action
E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com
How four young women protested for justice and moved a city
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NYARA WILLIAMS
INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Short Orders Culture Savage Love 4
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HARTMANN Sam Page Isn’t Helping The St. Louis County executive is all talk on racial justice BY RAY HARTMANN
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ith friends like St. Louis County Executive Sam Page, the Black community in the county doesn’t need enemies. That was hinted from the moment on April 29, 2019, that Page steamrolled any consideration of selecting then-Councilwoman Hazel Erby as acting county executive after she expressed interest in the post. Erby, an African American woman, had by far the most seniority fifteen years and the best temperament to replace
Steve Stenger, who was about to get escorted out of town by men talking into their sleeves. Erby was someone who could settle everyone down in the frazzled county government. Owing to health issues, she had no interest in seeking reelection in 2020. She was the perfect choice, so much so that council Chairman Page made like Politburo Chairman Page in an emergency meeting for the non-emergency purpose of getting himself elected as interim replacement to Stenger. Lest this appear as hindsight, here’s what I said three days later on Donnybrook: “First of all, we ought to wish Sam Page well. But I think the way this went down this week was disrespectful to Hazel Erby. She had a bunch of folks there. There were some draft-Mantovani people there. The Democrats on the council had a process that, even if they were going to decide in the end that Page was going to be county e ec ti e which is fine they
really disrespected the people who showed up for the meeting. They wouldn’t even let them speak. This was a really clumsy start.” Page fancies himself as an anesthesiologist who dabbles in politics. He’s quite the opposite. Page instantly removed Erby as a political thorn by giving her a $121,000 ost as his o cer for di ersity and inclusion. I don’t blame Erby for taking the post: It was a nice aychec and m told she fig red she could accomplish more as a guard rail for minority contracts within the administration than outside on the council. She chose not to talk for this column. In hiring Erby, Page lavished praise on the woman he found so unsuitable for county executive that he couldn’t abide citizens speaking on her behalf. Page gave new meaning to the phrase that aptly summarizes his approach to people of color: Talk is cheap. On policing, minority hiring, health care, inclusion and most significantly the thing white lead-
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ers in St. Louis seldom allow Black people to possess — actual power — Sam Page is what the country folk call “all hat, no cattle.” He talks a good game on race relations, and his heart is in the right place. By no means am I implying he’s a racist. Let me emphatically state that I can’t imagine the ugly term applies to him. Page is just another well-intended white moderate politician playing the game. When the initial COVID-19 outbreak caused an emergency need for a makeshift county morgue, the Page administration reacted (silently as it had with the tenger emergency: Step back, this is a job for a white person. As has happened more than once, Erby was bypassed in the process, and so were minority contractors, who were all but frozen out of $1.7 million in contracts for a county morgue. As with the Erby supporters, Black business owners were seen but not heard as they protested in front of age s o ce.
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Page does have a number of Black staffers, but only one true department head. He says all the right things white people have learned to say about racial justice. The hip phrase of the moment is “systemic racism,” proudly intoned by white politicians with no sense of self-awareness that their traditional approach to the Black community — transactional politics — is precisely that. Sometimes, though, racial disparity is manifested by waiting to act until rage makes headlines. Page was eloquent as to the need for COVID-19 testing and medical care in underserved communities in north St. Louis County. Unfortunately, he spoke up a month after health o cials religio s leaders and other community activists started screaming for action. The elephant in the room, however, is policing. Page inherited a dispirited police department that needed new leadership, having been torn by little-reported racial divisions and the widely reported debacle of paying a staggering $11.5 million settlement to Sgt. Keith Wildhaber who was discriminated against for being gay. Without reliving that $11.5 million nightmare here s ce it to say that Page’s most important task was replacing toasted Chief Jon Belmar. Page took a step forward by appointing four new members to the fi e member county Board of Police Commissioners. Apparently, though, he chose a board that wasn’t up to the task. The board passed over Lt. Col. Troy Doyle, the overwhelming favorite for the position in terms of the sentiments and expectations of ran and file olice o cers Black and white. Doyle, who is Black, is widely respected as the one dispatched to put out major fires s ch as ta ing o er ennings police department, revamping an array of north county districts and correcting awful problems at the county jail, some of which happened, and were hidden a bit, on Page’s watch. The tragedies at the jail were a matter of much concern to Black leaders and activitists. Instead of Doyle, Page’s board chose Capt. Mary Barton, ranked lower and empirically less qualified. he s a seasoned and intelligent o cer and her selection as the co nty s first female chief was historic, albeit not so much, it turns out, a triumph for feminism. I’m planning to write about
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that at a later date. In any event, one never gets a second chance to ma e a first impression, and when Barton’s debut on the public stage featured the eye-popping assertion that systemic racism wasn’t a thing in the police department, it left even Page’s most loyal supporters wondering if Barton was up to the job. But here’s the bottom line: Page owns Barton’s selection, full stop. He chose the board that chose her. No police chief in modern history has been chosen over the objections of the sitting county executive. There’s no reason to believe this was a first. Undeterred, Page — donning a costume of racial-justice warrior — had the chutzpah to announce a “top-to-bottom review” of the police department, something he’s not even authorized to do, an annoying detail pointed out by Councilman Tim Fitch, a former police chief. This display of audacity by Page traveled light years beyond “talk is cheap.” It doesn’t take a detective to assess Page’s motives: With the ink not dry on his absurd order (or whatever it was) to clean up his own mess, he released a 30-second campaign commercial congratulating himself for this great moment in civil rights. In the same commercial, Page claims he “led the effort for police reforms for body cameras.” In fact, that “effort” was enacted by voters in April 2017, when they enacted Proposition P adding a half-cent sales tax for increased police spending. There is no written record can find of age doing any such thing: His district incl ded art of hesterfield one of the few cities actively opposed to Proposition P. At best, he kept his head down. That’s just a detail, but a telling one. Page can make any argument he wants for getting elected August 4 — the Democratic primary that effectively determines the outcome — but when it comes to his record regarding people of color, the less his campaign says, the better. The facts are not on his side, and it’s too late to invent them. Page should shelve the lying campaign commercial. At least it would be a gesture of something he hasn’t really done for the Black community: Show it respect. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann@sbcglobal.net or catch him on St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann and Jay Kanzler from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).
NEWS ‘Blatant Corruption’ 14 months after suspicious fires, audit reveals $115,000 missing from city funds Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
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n investigation has revealed “blatant corruption” in the tiny Bootheel town of Parma more than a year after the city hall and outgoing mayor’s house burned, destroying government financial records state Auditor Nicole Galloway says. The long-running audit identified in money missing from city accounts, including tens of thousands of dollars in overpayments to controversial exMayor Tyus Byrd and former City Clerk Helen Frye, according to the audit report. The situation in Parma is a fascinating one. A year ago, the Riverfront Times published a cover story on allegations of misspent money, racial tensions and arson in the city of fewer than eople. n ril yrd lost her re election campaign, and on the night she left o ce her ho se and City Hall burned. City Hall was clearly arson, authorities say. The flames torched a er financial records and a computer used for Parma’s bookkeeping. aw enforcement o cials were less certain about the cause of the fire at yrd s home beca se it was completely destroyed, leaving little to no evidence of its origin. yrd the city s first blac mayor too o ce in and ic ly landed in the spotlight of national media when six of eleven employees, including the white police chief and o cers resigned. The next four years were tumultuous as Byrd and her administration clashed with Parma’s old guard. A clerk who stayed for a few months of Byrd’s tenure told the RFT last year that had she spoken in to state a ditors abo t her concerns with the mayor’s handling of city finances b t that
An arson last year in Parma City Hall destroyed numerous records. | DOYLE MURPHY led nowhere. However, Galloway says a whistleblower complaint in i ed the interest of her office s ar ing a new in estigation. Auditors contacted Byrd, who provided some, but not all of the re ested financial records according to Galloway. For a time, the state and Parma were at a standstill. The a ditor s o ce needed a formal invitation or citizen’s petition to launch a full investigation, and Byrd never made the re est. Things changed with a new election. A new mayor, Rufus Williamson Jr., and two new aldermen were elected on ril and made lans to re est the state audit. Williamson and city o cials told the RFT that Byrd was aware of their plans. illiamson too o ce d ring a tense city meeting on ril . e told the RFT the outgoing mayor and o cials claimed they co ldn t find the eys to ity Hall, so he went to bed that night loc ed o t of his new o ce. e wo e to the news of fires. Byrd’s house seems to have ca ght fire first. he often stayed with her h sband abo t miles away in Jonesboro, Arkansas or at her father’s home across town. There was apparently no one one home when the two-story house went in flames. t b rned to the ground, and when a volun-
teer fire crew from a neighboring town packed up to leave the scene and headed for home firefighters spotted smoke coming from City Hall. The back door was unlocked and wide open when they arrived, an assistant fire chief told the RFT. ew adrid heriff Terry te ens whose deputies cover Parma, told s in the fire had clearly been set in multiple places. In a phone interview last week, te ens says the fire in estigations are still active. They’ve developed a few suspects, but they haven’t nailed down anything yet. “As of right now, we don’t have enough to charge anybody,” he says. However, the investigation into otential financial crimes got a major boost from the state audit. “Obviously the auditor’s report is significant in o r rs it to prosecute somebody, and we anticipate that will happen,” he says. He declines to name the targets of a potential prosecution but says in estigators are fine t ning the case and he expects to seek charges this month. In the fourteen months that followed the fires alloway s in estigators pieced together records from banks, utilities and vendors who did business with the town. Clerk Kim Hampton, who previously reported Byrd and returned
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to the job after Williamson took over, told the RFT in she was doing the same and entering whatever smoke-damaged paper records that survived into a database. The state investigation found that yrd was o er aid by between ril and ril . elen rye the cler for much of Byrd’s tenure, was overaid and arma s water supervisor, Byrd’s relative David Thatch was o er aid the auditors allege. The audit details a variety of other allegations of misspent tax dollars benefiting yrd her family and staff. That incl des payments made to or by the mayor from city f nds improper purchases by the mayor and some estionable ayments to the business of Byrd’s father, imon offord who is an alderman and mechanic in Parma. Byrd’s administration also didn’t abide by state payroll taxes, opening the small city to in penalties, the audit says. The report claims Byrd and Frye covered up their spending by falsifying financial records and meeting minutes for the town’s board. “Our audit discovered that for almost the entire time the former mayor and former city clerk were in o ce there was a attern of blatant corruption and cover-up that cost the citizens of Parma more than alloway says in a written statement. “This was a betrayal of the public trust that re ires acco ntability and my o ce will contin e o r artnership with law enforcement to pursue justice for local taxpayers.” n an inter iew in offord said the accusations against his daughter were baseless and that she endured multiple threats during her time as mayor. He denied she had anything to do with the fires at ity all or the ho se which was in his name. alloway s findings don t amount to criminal charges, although she says her staff has been working with federal, state and local law enforcement throughout the audit. Her report offers numerous recommendations, and she says Parma’s current leadership has been working to correct its bookkeeping practices. n
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Return of the Loop Trolley Written by
DANIEL HILL
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ur pandemic prayers have been answered. In a surprise announcement Friday, the brain trust behind the Loop Trolley, which once was thought to be dead after years of delays and a spectacularly failed first year in b siness announced the streetcar has crawled forth from the grave to offer free rides throughout the Delmar Loop in an effort to encourage people to come spend their money in the district during a pandemic. Not since the days of the Spanish Flu have St. Louisans been able to clang about town in an old-timey streetcar while the threat of an airborne infectious disease lurks all around them. How nostalgic! How whimsical! How fun! It’s welcome news. At the start of lockdowns meant to control the spread of coronavirus, we at RFT admitted that we were wrong about the Loop Trolley, which we’d by that point spent years ridiculing as it sucked down public funds while forcing shops out of business due to its seemingly never-ending construction, all while hitting numerous cars and ultimately attracting such laughably little ridership that it was forced
You just can’t keep a good boondoggle down. | DANIEL HILL to cease o erations within its first year (but not before its backers spent some time begging for more money, of course). In an age of social distancing, we reasoned, hanging out all by ourselves in a completely empty trolley car while navigating a twomile stretch of Delmar sounded more fun that sitting in our homes and looking out our windows. We could sit in there, one at a time, maybe two, a safe distance
between us, slathered head to toe in hand sanitizer, and just stare vacantly into the distance at speeds approaching 21 miles per hour across some deserted streets. Sounds nice. Sounds quiet. Sounds peaceful. ow we re finally getting o r wish. The trolley will resume service starting this weekend, and will operate from 11 a.m. to 7 p.m. each Saturday and Sunday through July
Carjacking Suspect Killed Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
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man who carjacked a 67-year-old grandfather and his ten-year-old grandson — and then hit the grandfather with his own truck — was shot dead by an off-duty City of St. Louis Sheriff’s deputy, authorities say. The chaotic series of events began about 6:35 a.m. Monday at a McDonald’s in the 11100 block of Bellfontaine Road in Spanish Lake. The grandfather and grandson were in the parking lot of the restaurant when the man threatened them with a weapon — St. Louis County Police Officer Tracy Panus told reporters she wasn’t sure what kind yet — and stole their black Dodge pickup truck, authorities say. At a news conference, Panus said the
St. Louis County police say the carjacking began outside this McDonald’s in Spanish Lake. | GOOGLE STREET VIEW carjacking suspect drove off but then spotted the victims and made a U-turn, cutting across southbound lanes onto the sidewalk where he hit the 67-yearold. The truck then continued on, barreling into the yard of a nearby home, where the driver crashed and bailed out on foot,
according to Panus. Two St. Louis County police officers were driving on Bellfontaine when they spotted the grandfather and grandson and stopped to help. The off-duty city sheriff’s deputy was also driving in the area and saw the truck hit the 67-year-
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26. Operations will now include new, coronavirus-related safety precautions, including mandatory mask wearing. There’s no word on whether social distancing will be a part of these new safety measures, but as anyone who has ever seen the thing in action can attest, it’s not likely to be an issue anyway. Welcome back, Loop Trolley! Finally, some good news in these trying times. n
old, Panus says. “The sheriff’s deputy sees this happen, and he chases him,” Panus says. The deputy followed the suspect, who bolted from the truck and ran behind a house. Panus says it’s not yet clear what happened after, but the county police officers heard a gunshot. When they made it around to the back of the house, they found the carjacking suspect down. He was transported to the hospital and has died. The grandfather was also transported to a hospital, but Panus says his injuries aren’t considered life threatening. The ten-year-old wasn’t injured, she says. The investigation is still underway, and police haven’t released any names of those involved. The sheriff’s deputy is 51 years old and has nineteen years of experience. In a statement, St. Louis Sheriff Vernon Betts promised to cooperate with the county’s investigation. The deputy has been placed on administrative leave pending the results of that investigation. n
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s George Floyd lay dying, he called out for Larcenia.
“Mama!” he shouted twice. But Mama could not help him. Larcenia Floyd has been dead for two years, but the invocation of her s irit in eorge loyd s final moments was an act so widely understood, it is possibly the most heartbreaking moment of that video.
As days passed and photos surfaced from Floyd’s life, one picture of George and Larcenia showed the tender relationship between mother and son. It’s one of George snuggled into his mother’s lap, asleep, with both Larcenia’s hands wrapped around him. It is a universal image, one that provides comfort and the familiar feeling of having a parent love and protect their child. George did not call out for a brother. He didn’t call out for a friend. He called out for Mama, a Black woman who fought for him and loved him. eorge loyd is not the first lac man to be m rdered by olice. e is also not the first erson whose illing was ca t red on video. In 2020 alone, the hashtags with the names of Black men killed by police have been numerous. And yet, the women — people like Breonna Taylor, Atatiana Jefferson, Nina Pop and Sandra Bland — trending in recent years on social media have not received the sort of attention that Black men received. There was no major protesting across cities in America, no burning, no intense representation of anger of the masses. But four young women in St. Louis have not forgotten. Activists atasha ain oster roo e ones ersabeh esfin and aishanae Crittenden see these hashtags and internalize them. They see their friends, sisters, aunts and mothers lost in the Strong Black Woman and Women of Color tropes accepted by society, just as they see their fathers, boyfriends and Continued on pg 12
Sometimes, you really do have to be the change you want to see. | NYARA WILLIAMS 10
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peers in the Black men slain by police. Back in 2014, the women were just juniors at Clayton High School and Parkway West High School, friends who’d known one another since middle school. They began seeing each other regularly after graduating, having conversations surrounding activism and the political climate. When Michael Brown was illed ain oster esfin and Jones protested in Ferguson, while it would be a few more years before Crittenden would join them in their social justice efforts. As women who identify as Black and Brown, they decided with the killing of Michael Brown, it was time to be the change they wished to see. “The Mike Brown situation was the catalyst that got us into activism on the grassroots level and in the streets,” Jain-Poster says. “But the George Floyd situation happened, and we all regrouped and decided this was something we needed to take into our own hands.” Much has been said in the news regarding protests and the activism of everyday people, but rarely have the now young adults who were in the midst of adolescence in 2014 been given the opportunity to share what it meant to see the body of someone their age lying out in the street in broad daylight. “For me, it was very scary, beca se am the oldest of fi e and I have four younger brothers,” Crittenden says. “Just knowing that Mike Brown was a child and could’ve been one of my brothers — that was just scary.” The women recall feeling deeply affected by Brown’s death. Several of them knew his family personally. When the events of Ferguson made national headlines, Brown’s name and image were lost in a sea of demonization, racism, cruelty and hatred. It was another reminder of what Black people and people of color have faced in the United States for decades. The collaboration of these four women, all with varying backgrounds organizing community activism, represents the necessity of nuance in the battle for equality. Jain-Poster is a double major in international relations and Spanish; Crittenden is studying elementary education; Jones is a biology and re med ma or esfin is a double major in human and social development and psychology.
From left: Bersabeh Mesfin, Daishanae Crittenden, Natasha Jain-Poster and Brooke Jones reunited after George Floyd was killed, eventually coining the political identity Justus4 as an identity for their activism. | NYARA WILLIAMS And while their educational pursuits provide academic insights for understanding the world and political climate around them, they recognize that those studies alone are not enough for anyone seeking equality. The women agree that Michael Brown was the catalyst and George Floyd the reminder for their activism. In June, the wom-
the community, the group says. It was the women s first e erience organizing a protest, combining all of their diverse backgrounds and skills into the largest group project they’d ever undertaken. They utilized social media to the fullest extent. With Jones’ skills in graphic design, they were able to rod ce an effecti e flier that drew attention online. Its
“People want to be led, and we were
The group credits technology as the major boost to getting the word out about their protest, but it was the support and eagerness of the community reaching out and offering help that they are most grateful for. “The popularity the movement has gotten has caused people to be interested in helping out at a large rate,” Jain-Poster says. “People want to be led, and we were willing to lead. We had a vision, and we created an extremely organized protest, because we wanted to do things on our terms.” The first order of business was to emphasize that the Protest Against Police Murder was nonviolent. Across the group’s Facebook event page, this was continuously enforced. As peaceful protests turned into riots with cities burning across the U.S. in late May, the group was concerned about their message getting lost, or individuals showing up to dilute the protest’s purpose and act in selfinterest rather than for the cause. “There’s people protesting in cities all over the United States every single day since George Floyd’s murder, but the media doesn t show all of that esfin says. “You get the most coverage when people are rioting with looting and iolence. inety fi e ercent of protests are peaceful, but people don’t see that.” On the day of the Protest Against Police Murder, thousands gathered downtown in front of City Hall. To say June 7 was a hot Sunday afternoon is misleading. It was scorching for a late spring day, but that means nothing in St. Louis. As protestors arrived in droves, the women stood with a nervous excitement. Their crew of over 200 volunteers was in place, some handing out water while others kept the crowd in control and in step with the march and helped recite chants. About 1,800 people had pledged on Facebook to at-
WILLING TO LEAD.
We had a vision, and we created an extremely organized protest, because
we wanted to do things
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en rebirthed their own movement, with Crittenden joining as the fourth member of the group. Now halfway through college at their respective universities, the women are still nsatisfied with the efforts to raise awareness and speak out against police brutality. So they’ve gone to work. It was in the collective experience of living during a pandemic and having the time to organize that they found the opportunity to push for more change. “When we started to talk about the murdering of George Floyd, there hadn’t been any action in St. Louis,” Jones says. “That’s when we said we couldn’t keep waiting on somebody to do something, so we went ahead and created our own protest.” In just under a week, they organized the largest protest in St. Louis thus far. Named the Protest Against Police Murder, its creation quickly gained traction in
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colors, font and photos all had a meaning and served a purpose. Facebook allowed the women to create a streamlined place where all of the group’s information could effectively be disseminated. People interested in showing support could stay in the know about every update. But organizing a protest takes more than access to the internet. The women made sure to go over their plans in detail. That included driving through downtown to scout a potential march route and reading up on laws for protesting and mass gatherings, along with having legal and defense funds set up just in case things went wrong. They thought about all communities, too. With the overwhelming support from people with resources online, the group amassed donations of water, masks, backpacks, hand sanitizer and first aid its. edics were on site during the protest as well.
tend, but multiples of that number soon arrived. At about 2:30 p.m., ain oster ones esfin and rittenden began leading the crowd toward the St. Louis Metropolitan Police headquarters. As they marched, their practiced and strategic chants echoed off vacant buildings and high-rise apartments. A sea of people snaked through the streets, clearing any sort of barricade in the way. “Show me what democracy looks like!” the women chanted. “This is what democracy looks like!” the crowd responded. Marching backward, the four women could see the faces of peole fighting for stice that day. The sun beaming, they brought the crowd to a halt. Jain-Poster encouraged everyone to sit down and reflect. he as ed them to close their eyes, to think about what was happening in that moment and how important this day was. Their event was a protest meant to touch all corners of St. Louis. The women strove to provide a safe space for everyone focused on the matter at hand the firm belief that all lac lives matter. It was a peaceful protest, one in which people from all walks of life came together and showed a rare form of solidarity in a city like St. Louis. Aerial-view photographs showed eo le com letely filling the streets and spilling across the sidewalks, from building to building, for blocks. The day didn’t start and end with marching. The protest also included speakers from diverse communities, featuring ASL interpreters for the deaf and hard of hearing, representatives from the LGBTQIA+ community, medics and local politician Cori Bush. The women didn’t want their protest to be a matter of marching with signs and chants, then returning home. They provided an application for speakers on Facebook, making sure the right message would be heard. In addition to the protest, the organizers spearheaded a list of demands. At the top of that list was reparations for the Black community, along with demilitarizing and defunding the police. The latter has become a heated topic in recent weeks, with many misinterpreting the meaning. Put simply, defunding the police means allocating funds back into the community, via health and human services, affordable housing, social work and much more. The day of the protest proved to be an emotional one for the women, as something that started as an idea a week prior turned into an overwhelming turnout and
amount of community activism. “It was the most solidarity I have ever seen with my own eyes,” JainPoster says.
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ith each murder of a Black person committed at the hands of police, the names of everyday citizens become household names. Black America understands and recognizes the collective groan of seeing a new name trending and the details that follow. It’s not a surprise. But coupled with a global health crisis and sheltering at home, non-POC individuals and communities have been forced to pay attention. So much so that major companies spent two weeks denouncing racism, pledging their support of the Black Lives Matter movement and turning social media screens dark on #BlackOutTuesday. The women agree that everyone must do their part to make true and substantial change. “There’s information going around about something called ‘performative allyship,’” Jain-
may be. Lawyers have offered services pro bono. Some people have passed out water and milk at protests. And many have donated money, collected supplies and provided necessary support over the last month. It’s become far too easy to give in to cancel culture these days. A person could tweet the wrong opinion and be jobless by the ne t day. n the fli side the sort of public shaming for not having anything to say in regard to George Floyd’s death and the BLM movement has become just as critical of a piece of dismantling systemic racism as physically taking to the streets to protest. Often, rhetoric gets thrown around in the academic space about accessibility, education, “doing the work” and “organizing efforts.” While those buzzwords and phrases are important, the women emphasize how anyone, regardless of educational background, is useful in demanding justice and equality. They note that while they organized the protest
Jones, Jain-Poster and Mesfin have been marching together since high school, including at this protest in November 2016. | ANDY PAULISSEN Poster says. “People pretend to be allies by posting things on Instagram, and it’s frustrating. That’s great and all, but what are you doing in the community?” The women say social media activism alone is not enough. Black Lives Matter is not a moment. They say it is a movement. And movements require constant attention st dy and reflection. or a white person who has never had to come to terms with white privilege, discussing racism and bigotry, the time is now. “People were doing things on social media because they saw it was trending esfin says. t this is not a trend, this is our lives.” For someone who has never protested, Black or white, trying to find a lace in the re ol tion for equality and justice can be confusing and uncomfortable. The group says it’s OK to be uncomfortable, but the goal should be to constantly work to improve the lives of others, wherever that
and galvanized the city to spring into action last month, they never set out for notoriety. Still, these four women planned, organized and executed the June 7 protest. This is important, especially as several people attempted to take credit in published news articles and photographs about the effort. It’s an example of the type of erasure of Black and Brown women that is prevalent. “We dealt with that a lot,” Jones says. t was a constant fight with a variety of men trying to take the lead or organize when we are the organizers. We really combated that by putting our foot down and being stern. When the protest happened, we weren’t ready to disclose who we were, but some of the men helping us were. We saw a variety of articles giving them the credit for what we worked eight days, night and day, to do. It was insulting, because at the end of the day, they know they aren’t the organizers.”
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The American public is familiar with the power players in the fight for lac liberation in the U.S. The same recognizable male names have been prominent in the resistance for years. But these lives overlap with women in the movement too: Angela Davis, Bree Newsome, Johnetta Elzie, Brittany Packnett, Marsha P. Johnson and many more. ain oster ones esfin and Crittenden believe that while Black lives matter, they won’t matter until all Black lives matter; that includes people who are diasabled, transgender, queer and so on. “I feel like the Black Lives Matter movement within itself is a bit misogynistic,” Jones says, “and that’s why, as we led chants and spoke, I made it a point to say the names of women and trans women who are suffering from the same things but do not receive the social media attention or recognition just because they are women. Yes, Black men are experiencing these problems, but so are Black women. If we’re gonna talk about Black lives, let’s talk about all Black lives.” Looking back on their June 7 protest, these four activists are pleased with the outcome — motivating fellow St. Louisans to be part of something purposeful and historic. On Facebook, people were energetic and have asked the group to continue organizing peaceful protests. And so they have. Their next protest is scheduled for July 12. The women say that organizing the Protest Against Police Murder at a critical time in the U.S. showed them true humanity. “St. Louis is an extremely divided, segregated city, but on June th we were one esfin says. The way she, Jain-Poster, Jones and Crittenden see it, an entire movement was born out of the desire to get people to just do something positive. And so the people marched. They wore masks and handed out water. They moved cement blocks for people who are disabled and mothers with strollers. They took to the streets in the summer humidity during a pandemic. Some offered free legal services. Others collected money for bail funds, first aid and small b siness reconstruction. The people didn’t retreat in fear or join an online book club to quell their feelings of guilt and fragility. They wrote letters and stood on the steps of City Hall with fists raised in the air e ercising their right to live, walk home, sleep, drive, buy groceries, wear a hoodie, jog, play video games, listen to music and breathe. This is what community looks like. n
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SHORT ORDERS [IN MEMORIAM]
Remembering Charlie Gitto The ‘Mayor of Sixth Street’ left a mark on St. Louis’ dining scene Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
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harlie Gitto Sr. loved to tell the story about how he became enraptured by the restaurant business. It was the summer before he entered eighth grade, and he got a job bussing tables at a steakhouse on the Hill. It wasn’t necessarily the mechanics of the job that captured him, but rather the mystique that surrounded the place. He’d set the scene when he told of his time working there, so you could truly get the picture. Celebrities, athletes — a who’s who of the t. o is glitterati were fi t res at the restaurant, and the maitre d’ directed his staff like a conductor, making a beautiful symphony of restaurant magic happen. Gitto ate it up and knew that he wanted to be a part of that scene.
[POACHING]
High Crime Some son of a bitch stole Civil Life Brewing Company’s giraffe Written by
DOYLE MURPHY
W
hich one of you jerks took Civil Life’s giraffe? The towering metal mammal stood proudly in the gravel lot north of the Tower Grove South brewery — until about 11:20 p.m. July 2. In a video posted to Civil Life’s Twitter page, a white box truck drives onto the lot, mostly obscured by three shipping containers. In the dark, you can see the top of the truck
Charlie Gitto Sr. was a legend in downtown St. Louis. | JEN WEST When he’d tell the story, Gitto got a wistful look on his face, as if he had stepped back in time to relay those e eriences. t yo didn’t need him to give you the details about that job to get a picture of those days. All you needed to do was drop by his restaurant Charlie Gitto’s Downtown (207 North Sixth Street, 314-436-2828) on any given day and watch him hold court as his restaurant heroes did all those years back. Gitto worked the room at his downtown restaurant from its
founding in 1974 (back then, it was a Pasta House; Gitto bought and renamed the place in 1978) nearly all the way to his passing on July 4 at age 87. For most of those years the ayor of i th treet as he was sometimes called, would hobnob with guests — many of them celebrities s orts fig res and media personalities — getting to know nearly everyone who walked through his doors so he could make a personal connection. The dining room was lined with photos of Gitto and his impressive clientele, but what made the place
as it parks, and then the giraffe is tipped over and apparently loaded into the back of the truck. A second angle shows the truck cruising south on Holt Avenue with the giraffe’s head poking out. The giraffe has been sort of a running joke at Civil Life (3714 Holt Avenue), standing in the lot where the brewery had hoped to expand before an incentive package with the city fell through. Instead of hosting a big new facility, the lot became Jake’s Dinosaur Park (a handful of metal dinosaurs eventually migrated out of the lot and back to the brewery). There used to be a chain-link fence surrounding the “park,” but that came down in March, when it seemed like there were better uses for the money during an economy-busting pandemic. That left the giraffe defenseless, protected only by the problematic logistics of stealing a sixteen-foot-tall statue. It was apparently no match for a box truck and a dark heart.
Civil Life owner Jake Hafner tells the Riverfront Times he has filed a police report. “I hate to be upset about this, but it’s one of those things, man,” he says. “The giraffe was there to make people smile.” He noticed it was gone as soon as he arrived at work and quickly posted the sad news on social media. He says he feels a little silly feeling bad about a stolen giraffe, given everything else happening, but it had become a needed bright spot in the neighborhood. He says, “I know there are more important things in the world, but I’m pretty bummed.” Hafner is offering a $1,000 reward for anyone who provides information that leads to the thief or thieves’ conviction. He’ll also donate $1,000 to Northside Community Housing to help save the Sara-Lou Cafe. Get to work, St. Louis. Bring this giraffe home. n
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so special is that he treated everyone as if they were a regular. Gitto carried that spirit of hospitality, even into his later years, from a particular seat at the corner of the bar. No longer able to work the room, he greeted guests from his perch, just to the side of the front entrance, so he could see everyone who came in while maintaining an eye on every corner of the restaurant. Every last person who walked through the door was greeted by Gitto, as if they were an old friend. And many of them were. With such a long run in the business, Gitto saw the children of his regulars grow up and have kids of their own, often getting invites to weddings and birthday parties because he was like one of the family. “You have to have good food — don’t get me wrong — but you can t concentrate on only that Gitto once said. “You have to have ambiance; you have to be out with the public so they know that Charlie Gitto is a real person. When I was younger I hit every table and introduced myself. I’ve met thousands of people over the years. It’s that personal touch that makes us hold o r own. It’s that personal touch that made Charlie Gitto’s more than a place to eat and Gitto a restaurateur who made the St. Louis restaurant scene just a little more special. n
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Give back the giraffe, you weasels. | DOYLE MURPHY
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[SIDE DISH]
Discovering Balance Sharon Harter lost her dream job to COVID-19, and then found a new balance in baking Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
T
oward the beginning of this year, Sharon Harter felt like she was in her groove. She was settled in to her job as pastry chef for Polite Society (1923 Park Avenue, 314-325-2553) and the Bellwether (1419 Carroll Street, 314-380-3086) following a challenging gig working for a corporate chef company. At Polite Society and the Bellwether, she was surrounded by old colleagues she’d previously worked with at Bar Italia, and she had a salary, health insurance and a great creative relationship with her managers. That’s why it was so jarring when she was laid off. “Everything was going great,” Harter says. “I knew we were going to be affected when COVID hit, but it still came as shock when they let me go. fig red wo ld have my hours cut or move from salary to hourly, but Tom [Furtrell] sat me down, told me that I didn’t have a job, to apply for unemployment and to plan for it to last about eight weeks. I took the news very calmly and didn’t react because I was trying to process it. I cleared out all my stuff, went home and just sat on my couch in shock.” For Harter, the blow of unemployment landed so hard because of how much she loved what she was doing. Self-taught, Harter discovered her love of baking by making epic birthday cakes for her daughters, and she translated those skills into a fourteen-yearlong job doing pastries for Bar Italia. She then went on to work for Scape, before leaving for a corporate chef job that had her traveling and working grueling hours. In need of a change, she found an opportunity with Polite Society and the Bellwether, where she felt like she was part of a family. Unsure of what to do after being laid off, Harter sought refuge in ba ing first as a way to occ y her busy mind and next in order to s stain her financially when
Sharon Harter fell back on her baking skills after she was laid off. | KELLY GLUECK her nem loyment benefits were delayed. She didn’t advertise her services, instead relying on word of mouth and private messages to potential customers, telling them that she had baked goods for sale. To her surprise, business took off. “I did the only thing I know how to do: I cooked,” Harter says. “I cooked like a mad woman. People were so gung ho about it, and they were so supportive. They gave me more than I asked for, which was really great. It turned out that I was making more money doing this than at my salaried job.” In addition to building her impromptu business, Harter has been furiously working on Bakers for Black Lives, the group she founded with her friend and roommate, Hannah Kerne. The idea, which grew out of a conversation the two had while grocery shopping, has evolved into a bona fide organi ation that has t on two events — with more in the works — and has raised more than $24,000 for local racial justice organi ations. “I had no idea it was going to turn into what it has, and it really fulfills something in me arter says. “I’ve always wanted to be of service, to contribute, and to be able to combine that with something I love, which is food, it’s great.” Between her newfound baking business and Bakers for Black Lives, Harter feels like she has found herself in the midst of the COVID-19 crisis, even as she acknowledges that she is fortunate to be in such a position. It’s given her the chance to slow down, tamp down her anxiety and reevaluate what she wants to do with the rest of her life. And
even as she’s returned to work at Polite Society and the Bellwether in a part-time capacity, the autonomy she’s had doing her own thing has given her the push she needed to take a leap into the unknown. This has made me reali e that definitely want to go into b siness by myself,” Harter says. “I feel like, before this happened, I didn’t know how to have idle time without having anxiety. In the restaurant industry, it’s easy to be in the kitchen all the time, but I found that I was operating at such a fast speed that I was always moving, but always trying to catch up. I feel like something has switched in my brain where I’ve never been busier, but I am more balanced. I don’t know what the future is going to bring, but whatever it is, it’s going to be because I made it happen.” Harter took some time to share how she’s been dealing with the uncertainty brought about by the COVID-19 outbreak, how she maintains a sense of normalcy and what gives her hope during these di c lt times. As a hospitality professional, what do people need to know about what you are going through? As for many people, these are very uncertain times. Nothing is more apparent than this with the hospitality industry, as it’s been turned upside down and become almost nrecogni able. ith no g arantee of a living wage, much less a job, we are thrust into a frame of mind that many of us struggle to reconcile with. What do you miss most about your job? eeing e eryone. e ha e s ch a
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feeling of familiarity and family that suddenly not being able to have that as a daily part of your life is di c lt. What do you miss least? Running from one thing to the next. There never seem to be enough hours in the day. Things always taking much longer than expected. Always having someone in the wings waiting for your time and energy. What is one thing you make sure you do every day to maintain a sense of normalcy? I cook! I do it every day to maintain a sense of normalcy. After getting over the shock of being laid off, I turned to the only thing I know that gives me comfort, and that’s cooking. Self-care is also very important, whether it’s acquiring more plants than a single human should have to eating healthy and getting a good night’s slee . or o ts don t h rt either. What have you been stress-eating/drinking lately? I don’t really stress-eat, but a nice bowl of ramen is like having a hug. Lol. Now stress drinking I do ... wine! A beautiful glass of bubbly ro e always ma es me smile. What are the three things you’ve made sure you don’t want to run out of, other than toilet paper? Coffee ... wine and CBD oil. Lifesaver! You have to be quarantined with three people. Who would you pick? Although I couldn’t ask for a better quarantine buddy, Hannah Kerne, and my daughters of course, I’d love Anthony Bourdain, Trevor Noah and my best friend from high school endy. Once you feel comfortable going back out and about, what’s the first thing you’ll do? First thing I’m going to do when it’s safe again is go back to my “Cheers” spot, Brennan’s. God, I miss that place and all the regulars. m confident in s ea ing for all of s there. e are all a little lost without it. Lol. What do you think the biggest change to the hospitality industry will be once people are allowed to return to normal activity levels? The rise of pop-up dinners. Chefs will need to supplement their income, as well as people wanting a more intimate experience, and it’s safer. What is one thing that gives you hope during this crisis? I’ve learned that, no matter what happens, I have been blessed with ability to coo . hen the bottom drops out, I know that I’ll be o ay financially. o really find out who you are when things get tough and you have to step up. n
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CULTURE
Both EPs were written in a matter of mere weeks during lockdowns meant to slow the spread of COVID-19. | ALBUM ART
[HOMESPUN]
Bring It All Home St. Louis artists Jenn Malzone and John Donovan release selfrecorded solo projects as COVID-19 keeps stages empty Written by
THOMAS CRONE
I
t’s been with us for a while now, this COVID-19. Long enough to upend the music industry entirely, long enough to close the doors of beloved music venues — and long enough to see music begin to emerge from the home studios of songwriters cut off from their daily lives. Though physical media is still in play for some artists, many are finding their newest songs released to the world digitally, especially through Bandcamp. That’s where two talented St. Louis artists have recently put out new EPs, which, to varying degrees, sum up their experiences during this unusual moment in time. One is Jenn Malzone of the celebrated St. Louis band Middle Class
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Fashion, who’d seen her routines radically changed. Without her job and landlocked at home, Malzone created a six-song EP called franco mal, taking on that same name for her recent forays into personal recording and releasing. t s not ite her first di e into solo work. When a close friend died in January, she offered up a quickly assembled group of cathartic songs called so yeah, but those were so personal that she decided not to promote the project. Though that music is online, it’s her newest release that she considers a true solo debut. “I started it in early May, but I’d been in lockdown since midMarch,” she says of the batch of six songs. “I had all this time. It’s one thing to take a week off for vacation, but I had all this artistic energy coming together in my brain. I wanted to do the writing and recording in a short period. “Spending that much time alone, without the distractions of work and community and all that, suddenly made my thoughts very loud,” she continues. “I took all that mess and put it into songs. I was really nervous releasing it, as I didn’t want to take attention away from really important issues, and when I was making it, we were just dealing with the pandemic. The way that I work is that I get really obsessed and go nonstop. I forget to eat and sleep and two weeks later, it’s time to be exhausted.”
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“Spending that much time alone, without the distractions of work and community and all that, suddenly made my thoughts very loud.” al one says that fi e of the keyboard-led, indie-pop songs were birthed quickly, part of a binge that involved about ten or eleven days of intensive work. As the liner notes suggest, this was a truly self-generated affair, created only with “an 8-track Tascam DP-008 digital recorder, a Roland Juno, and an SM57.” Working with such a lean setup made for a much quicker period of songwriting than Malzone is used to when writing with her full band, she says. “I usually have songs released that were written from a year before, and this release came out barely a month after I wrote
them,” she explains. “It’s been an interesting experiment. Now that I know I can make this homemade stuff, I know that I can make even more of it. It felt really good to put it out there. It’s vulnerable, but I feel that’s a really good thing. Listening to it, it’s weird how close I feel to the music. I’m not used to feeling that close to my songs. When I quit drinking a few years ago, this layer of my skin felt gone, so you’re feeling more of the good and the bad. And I’ve been feeling that a lot more lately, too.” If her stellar new release is Malzone’s breakthrough in home recording, John Donovan is something of an old hand at the process. rolific songwriter in the most average of times, Donovan was quickly sent into a writing jag as the pandemic’s effects were beginning to roll into the American consciousness. His latest release, When the Capital Fell, was penned in about two weeks in late March and released not long thereafter. While Malzone’s lyrics take some inspiration from the pandemic, Donovan’s are directly found in that emotional pocket, with songs like “In the Unemployment Line” and “Last Week I Had a Job” taking aim at the topics on his mind at that second, consisting of little more than an electric guitar, his gentle vocal delivery and a darkly raw knack for writing an indie-folk earworm. “I wrote all these songs really quickly, as everything was hitting,”
he recalls. “I was recording them right as they were being written. And they stayed really simple, just a guitar and my voice, being recorded late at night as the numbers were rising.” The songs touch on the small things as well as the large, as Donovan, who works as a coffee shop/ cafe manager on-call, was freed from some life responsibilities. Lyrics about not going in to train a new employee or simply enjoying a dinner with his wife are found here, unvarnished and raw. “It was therapeutic at the time,” he says. “I can’t speak for other people, I don’t know if they can
get all those feelings out. But there were images that fell out of me. I could tell ‘that line was clogging something up’ before it fell. There was no filter on it. Three or fo r family members and friends separately asked me if I’m okay, asked if I thought of writing happier songs. I thought that I was channeling the general mood, what was in the air. A sad and scared mood.” The suggestion caught Donovan’s ear. As someone who can seemingly knock off a song a day, he jokes that “the next one might be called ‘John Have You Thought About Writing Happy Music.’ And it’s all really sad.” n
[ A P O C A LY P S E S O U N D T R A C K ]
Pande-Mix: An End of the World Mixtape
BY CHRIS WARD Each week, former KDHX DJ Chris Ward examines a song from his quarantine-based playlist dealing with isolation, loneliness, hope and germs. Find them on the Spotify playlist, “Pande-Mix: An End of the World Playlist”: https://spoti.fi/2WZGTJZ.
“The Combine” from Screen Memories (2017) by John Maus “It’s gonna dust us into nothin’.”
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LANG. With the same church bells and brooding organs that tell movie heroes “time is up,” the first track on John Maus’ Screen Memories strikes midnight. “I see the combine comin’/ It’s gonna dust us into nothin’,” he repeats over and over, looking skyward, eyeballs white, fully possessed by the three-eyed raven. In the same way that Stephen King turns heartland imagery and colloquialisms into horror shows, “The Combine” gets under my skin. My dad grew up on a farm, but unlike his brothers he never stuck with it.
Every once in a while, they’ll let him hop up in the John Deere Combine and go through some fields at harvest for fun. But I can’t imagine he has a single idea what he’s doing in this expensive machine, grinding through everything in its path indiscriminately. He has no skin in the game — he just kind of felt like doing it that afternoon. If that isn’t an on-the-nose metaphor for the ho-hum way people are being threshed and mowed down into oblivion by this administration, I don’t know what it is. You may be at peace with it, you might not be, but you can see the Combine coming. And, rooted to the earth, out here in the dark pink sky — elbow to elbow with every maskless, science-denying ghoul — there is no moving out of the way this time. n
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[MOVIES]
What’s Up, Doc St. Louis-focused documentary The Pruitt-Igoe Myth is streaming online for free through July Written by
JAIME LEES
S
t. Louis has had a long history of economic and racial tension in relation to housing. Housing in St. Louis has often been segregated by skin color and economic status, long before rich white people started pulling guns on strangers on the gated, private streets of St. Louis’ wealthy Central West End. Released in 2011, The PruittIgoe Myth digs into the history of a public housing complex named Pruitt-Igoe that once stood on the north side of the
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The Pruitt-Igoe public housing project quickly went from icon to eyesore as the city failed to prioritize upkeep. | SCREENSHOT city. Built in the 1950s, the housing complex was first advertised as a solution for poor families to avoid high rental costs while still enjoying community and many amenities. But the buildings quickly fell into disrepair. They weren’t serviced properly, and they ended up overrun with garbage and dam-
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aged by flooding. Residents who were too poor to move out were forced to endure an avalanche of other issues, too, from crime to lack of utility service. The severely damaged buildings were razed in the 1970s, but they still cast a long shadow across St. Louis. With stunning vintage footage
and emotional personal accounts, the documentary digs into the evolution of this housing development and how it came to represent a whole host of racial and economic tensions in the greater St. Louis area. The entire fascinating film is streaming for free on Vimeo through the end of July. n
SAVAGE LOVE CUCKING DYKES BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’m a lesbian in a longterm relationship. After much conversation with my partner, we’ve decided to explore cuckolding roleplay together. I’m not comfortable bringing another person into the relationship — especially right now — but I am willing to explore this as a fantasy. The thing is, I’m having a hard time figuring out how to do it. There’s not a lot of info out there on how to engage in cuck roleplay, especially between two women. Could you point me in the right direction here so we can have some fun while remaining monogamous? Couldn’t Undergo Cuckolding Kink’s Glories In Real Life o can definitely introd ce c c olding themes and e en a c c identity into yo r relationshi while remaining monogamo s says Thomas a married gay man and former c c blogger whose h sband has c c ed him many times R . n fact many c c old relationshi s are monogamo s and c c ing remains in the fantasy realm. Thomas e en sees his relationshi as monogamo s at least on his side. The definition of monogamy aries greatly for each co le says Thomas and do consider myself monogamo s beca se m the c c and so don t technically ha e se with other g ys. y h sband does. st get to watch sometimes. et me ic ly define terms for readers who somehow missed the three h ndred other col mns e written abo t c c olding o er the years c c old relationshi is a one sided o en relationshi where one artner is free to ha e se with other eo le while the other artner remains faithf l. hat disting ishes a c c old relationshi from yo r standard o en relationshi where one erson doesn t care to slee aro nd is the element of h miliation. n most c c old relationshi s R the c c the erson who remains faithf l enoys being teased or moc ed by their nfaithf l artner sometimes the nfaithf l artner s lo er or lo ers s ally referred to as b lls artici ates in the erotic h miliation of the c c artner.
Thomas created a o lar T mblr blog abo t gay male c c old relationshi s bac when there was ery little information abo t gay c c olds online R m ch less gay c c old orn or other reso rces. n fact there was once so little info online or anywhere else abo t gay c c olds that many eole myself incl ded weren t con inced that gay c c olding was act ally a thing. c olding wasn t a thing in Thomas s marriage at the start. Total monogamy had always been the lan says Thomas. t got interested after seeing some straight c c old orn. immediately identified with the c c b t was too embarrassed to bring it with my h sband beca se it went against o r ision of o r marriage b t also beca se only e er saw c c olding re resented in straight orn. Raising awareness of gay c c olds and re resenting gay c c old relationshi s moti ated Thomas to start his blog. o if yo re not finding anything o t there abo t lesbian c c olding R erha s yo co ld borrow a age from Thomas s layboo and create the content and reso rces yo wo ld li e to see. adly Thomas s gay c c olding blog is no more. is was st one of the many se blogs dee ly ersonal assion ro ects one and all that were lost fore er after the geni ses who ran T mblr decided to rge ad lt content from their latform. n a matter of days T mblr saw its tra c fall by one third and its al e crater. ahoo aid . billion to ac ire T mblr bac b t si years and one orn rge later the site sold for st million less than ercent of what T mblr was worth when it still hosted Thomas s gay c c olding blog. The moral of this story on t f c with gay c c olds. Thomas thin s it s entirely ossible for yo and yo r artner to en oy lesbian c c olding fantasies while ee ing yo r relationshi monogamo s on both sides. ndeed that s what Thomas and his h sband did for many years. y h sband and started laying aro nd with c c old fantasies se eral years into o r marriage and it remained a hot role lay fantasy for a long time says Thomas. t was f n it was se y and it im ro ed o r ability to comm nicate with each other abo t se in general. They e t their fantasy lay sim le at first for e am le
his h sband wo ld tal abo t a g y he fo nd hot while Thomas blew him or Thomas wo ld tease his h sband abo t a se y new cowor er of his that he new his h sband had a cr sh on. They wo ld se insertion toys and retend they were other g ys dic s and only grad ally did they introd ce some h miliating dirty tal into their c c old role lay tal and then only as Thomas s h sband become more comfortable with the idea of h miliating him. a ing se of cam sites is also a great way to e lore if yo re comfortable with that le el of monogamish says Thomas. f yo re a c c li e me watching yo r artner erform for someone else is incredibly erotic. more monogamo s way to e lore c c olding witho t o ening the relationshi not e en a crac is sim ly to as yo r artner to tell yo abo t her ast se al enco nters. istening to yo r artner tal abo t hot e eriences she had with other women while yo mast rbate or while yo two f c is a great way to e lore c c olding witho t act ally o ening yo r relationshi . o ll be bringing eo le R not bringing them in. t st as a gay c c old co le s fantasies aren t identical to a straight co le s c c old fantasies a lesbian co le s fantasies aren t going to be the same either says Thomas. R and her artner st ha e to find their own way. t the most im ortant thing is to ee comm nicating. lways comm nicate f a artic lar form of role lay isn t wor ing tell yo r artner. nd gi e each other eto owers and go easy on yo rself. c olding is a fantasy that lays with yo r fears aro nd monogamy and infidelity it can be ery hot b t it can be scary too. o ta e it slow. i e a lot of se bloggers who were ic ed off T mblr Thomas migrated o er to Twitter where he c rrently has more than followers. is handle on Twitter is gayc c oldh bby. Hey, Dan: I’m a straight lady in my mid-30s and I just found out my husband of six years and partner for ten has been cheating on me for the last five years. As far as I knew, we had a perfect marriage — probably the best relationship, sexual or otherwise, I’d ever been in. If this was a one-off affair, I think I could work past this — counseling, open marriage, some sort
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of solution. But the fact that he’s lied to me for the five years and that the sex was unsafe (I saw video) disturbs me. My heart doesn’t want this to end — he’s been my best friend, lover, and support system for ten years — but my brain is telling me that even if we renegotiated the terms of our marriage, he’d deceive me again. I’m working with a therapist, but what’s your take? Once a cheater, always a cheater? I don’t expect an all-knowing answer. But a little perspective would be helpful. Duped Wife or most of yo r marriage for most of a marriage yo describe as erfect yo r h sband was cheating on yo . y ers ecti e two cents nstead of regarding e erything that wor ed abo t yo r marriage as a lie instead of seeing e ery lo ing moment as st some art of yo r h sband s long and ery selfish con yo might want to see what was good abo t yo r marriage and what was bad abo t yo r h sband as two things that e isted side by side. o instead of telling yo rself This was a lo sy marriage it was all a lie st didn t now it tell yo rself t was a good marriage des ite his cheating it wasn t all a lie b t it was a lot less erfect that tho ght. That s where yo ll need to get if yo want to stay in this marriage and that may be the biggest if yo ll e er confront in yo r life. nd while there are no st dies that once a cheater always a cheater st dies ha e shown that someone who has cheated is more li ely to cheat again. ot certain to cheat again b t more li ely to cheat than someone who s ne er cheated. m so sorry yo re going thro gh this artic larly now. Hey, Dan: I often masturbate thinking about the straight boy who wakes up in female underwear, tied up, gagged, and pegged by a female. Is there a name for this fantasy? Good And Simple Pervert can t gi e yo a name a name for this se ence of e ents and m lange of in s b t now lenty of rofessional female dominants that wo ld be ha y to gi e yo an estimate. Check out Dan’s show at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter
JULY 8-14, 2020
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