Riverfront Times, November 10, 2021 by Riverfront Times

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MARCH 6-12, 2019

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THE LEDE

“One [message] I hope they get if they see [this] photo is a symbolic material sign that someone has died under the custody of the immigration system for no other reason than trying to seek a better life for them and their loved ones. A life was lost for no other reason than nationalism, xenophobia and classism. ... ‘Here Lies Something’; that’s my personal meaning.”

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

ÁNGEL FLORES FONTÁNEZ OF THE INTER-FAITH COMMITTEE ON LATIN AMERICA, PHOTOGRAPHED DURING A DÍA DE LOS MUERTOS PRAYER VIGIL OUTSIDE OF THE ST. LOUIS FIELD OFFICE OF U.S. CITIZENSHIP AND IMMIGRATION SERVICES ON MONDAY, NOVEMBER 1 riverfronttimes.com

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Second Chances

ne of the messed-up things about a broken criminal justice system is that even trying to fix it can have unintended, but devastating consequences. Mike Milton, formerly of the Bail Project, knows that from experience. His efforts to intervene in just one of thousands of apparent injustices ended brutally in 2019. In this week’s cover story, RFT staff writer Danny Wicentowski revisits that tragedy and examines how it shaped Milton’s new mission with the Freedom Community Center. It’s an example of what can happen with opportunity. —Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

E D I T O R I A L Managing Editor Daniel Hill Digital Content Editors Jenna Jones, Jaime Lees Food Editor Cheryl Baehr Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Contributors Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Mike Fitzgerald, Eileen G’Sell, Kathy Gilsinan, Reuben Hemmer, Ryan Krull, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Jack Probst, Richard Weiss, Theo Welling, Ymani Wince Columnists Thomas Chimchards, Ray Hartmann Editorial Interns Phuong Bui, Zoë Butler, Madyson Dixon A R T

& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Production Manager Haimanti Germain

COVER ‘We Keep Us Safe’ A tragic killing inspired bail disruptor Mike Milton to change his mission — now he’s trying to save St. Louis Cover photo by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Associate Publisher Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Director of Business Development Brittany Forrest, Rachel Hoppman Director of Marketing and Events Olia Friedrichs Regional Director of Marketing and Events Kristina Linden C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Big Mad Feature Cafe Short Orders St. Louis Standards Reeferfront Times Culture Savage Love 6

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HARTMANN Straight Talk Stop saying ‘mandate’ when you mean ‘directive’ BY RAY HARTMANN

here’s an etymologist when you need one? There’s a problem here in St. Louis and across the nation regarding the words employed in a global pandemic. The challenges posed by COVID-19 are unprecedented in everyone’s lifetime. These prompt actions and reactions by public-health authorities — and the governments that oversee them — that can be unfamiliar and even unprecedented. They’re hard to describe, especially in a dumbed-down political environment that values tribalism over community, emotion over reason and semantics over substance. In the rare moments in which warring factions aren’t talking past one another, they literally don’t know what they’re talking about. No better example exists than the incessant butchering of the word “mandate.” I’m pretty much the opposite of a Latin scholar, but the internet can render almost anyone an etymologist for a day, so consider this: The word “mandate” evolved from the Latin “mandatum” which comes from “mandare” which literally means “gives one’s hand.” We call that shaking. But the most relevant meaning of mandare is “command.” Everyone knows what command means. When one is commanded to do something, it ain’t voluntary. The phrase “I command you!” is never followed by “if you don’t mind.” In a democracy, legislators rarely employ the word “command” to describe a new law, and the executive branch of government generally doesn’t issue edicts “commanding” the citizens to do something. But that’s essentially what a mandate is. It’s a command. Now consider another English word, one less commonly employed in political parlance. That word is “directive.”

The Latin origin of directive is “directus,” which in turn comes from “dirigere,” which best translates as “set straight, arrange; give a particular direction to, send in a straight line; guide,” according to my colleagues at etymonline.com. (Truth be told, I thought dirigere meant “butt.”) Now, dirigere is not at all the same thing as mandare. Remember, mandare is a command. Dirigere is a guide, one that involves setting someone straight. That was as true in the fifteenth century as it is today. But for some reason, we presumably more enlightened humans have difficulty today distinguishing between a mandate and a directive. Somehow the folks who were wrapping up the Medieval Times had a greater command of vocabulary than we do today. Instead, there is much debate and consternation over government actions known as “mask mandates” and “vaccine mandates.” What we mean to say is “mask directives” and “vaccine directives.” This is an important distinction. If city or county government in St. Louis commanded residents to observe mask or vaccine mandates, local jail cells might be teeming with oppressed anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. Businesses would be heavily fined or shuttered for resisting the commands of a mandate. There would be hell to pay. Fortunately, there are no mandates here. The city and county both have public-health directives setting people straight about the need to wear masks, wherever possible, as a means of combating the spread of COVID-19. There are also vaccine directives that go further by placing conditions on failure to comply, such as requiring the unvaccinated to submit to COVID-19 testing to stay employed. That’s known as a quid pro quo (Latin for “give me dirt, and I’ll give you weapons”). A COVID-19 vaccine mandate would command someone to become vaccinated against the disease, no exceptions. There are no vaccine mandates in America, nor should there be — only vaccine quid pro quos. That’s not such a new thing. For more than a half-century, public schools have promulgated vaccine directives

If city or county government in St. Louis commanded residents to observe mask or vaccine mandates, local jail cells might be teeming with oppressed anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers. — quid pro quos, if you will — requiring school children to be vaccinated against polio and a dozen or more other deadly diseases in exchange for the privilege of attending public schools. But that’s not a polio mandate. Government never shows up at someone’s door to implement a command. It’s a polio directive. It’s hard to overstate the importance of the distinction between a mandate and a directive. By their very definitions, one must be obeyed and the other should be followed. Directives yield varying results. For example, the city and county have similar directives — both mislabeled as mandates — yet while Mayor Tishaura Jones has received little blowback, County Executive Sam Page has remained under siege for months. Page’s political opponents might have raged no matter how county health directives had been labeled. But their mission has been aided by Page’s egregious blunders — ranging from disrespecting fellow Democrats to ignoring the role of a county council he once headed to the astonishing gaffe of going maskless in the luxury suite of a Blues game as if no one would notice. Still, none of that detracts from the serious mission of health directives such as the ones rightly in place in St. Louis County. Health officials need to provide the public with the best and most current

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information available in an everevolving environment. Page’s administration has done that. Perhaps most important, public-health directives provide businesses with an independent source to depend upon — and to cite — when making decisions about protecting employees and customers. It’s a form of political cover in an environment in which so many people have pretty much lost their minds. Irrationality in the name of freedom simply cannot be allowed to stand. Just as one has the right to swing one’s fist in the air — but not the right to strike someone with it — so one has the right to go maskless but not to endanger the health of others while doing so. That’s where government comes in. As a practical matter, a true mask “mandate” would be unenforceable. But directives helping people make sound decisions are another matter entirely: They work to combat the pandemic. Contrast that to the other side, the one screaming about liberty and tyranny. The anti-maskers and anti-vaxxers share one common characteristic: They are not working to combat the pandemic. To the contrary, they have absolutely no plan — not even a suggestion — as to what should be done to slow the spread of COVID-19. And they’re seldom even asked for one. Remember how the last guy promised “one day — it’s like a miracle — it will disappear?” That was about 700,000 COVID-19 deaths ago. Miracles are nice. But they don’t work so well as public-health policy. That requires community buyin and a sense of purpose you get by setting people straight and guiding them with science. But that can only be achieved with the right communication. It’s important to understand that words matter. In fact, it ought to be mandatory. n Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhar tmann1952@gmail.com or catch him on Donnybrook at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on Nine PBS and St. Louis In the Know with Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

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NEWS ‘Suspected Serial Killer’ Blamed for Six Homicides Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

ultiple fatal shootings, including one that claimed the life of a sixteen-yearold girl, have been linked to a 25-year-old man who is now facing a bevy of charges in St. Louis and St. Louis County. Arrested Saturday by an FBI task force, Perez Reed has been charged with two counts of first degree murder, three counts of armed criminal action and another count of assault in St. Louis County; in the City of St. Louis, police are applying for two additional murder charges. Reed’s arrest comes nearly two months after both St. Louis and St. Louis County police departments issued a public plea for information about a series of fatal shootings. The initial release of details sparked local worry — and a viral TikTok video — about the possibility of a serial killer targeting sex workers and Black women in St. Louis. During the joint press conference on September 20, St. Louis Metropolitan Police Department Major Shawn Dace disclosed that while investigators hadn’t identified a single perpetrator, e’ve just got some evidence that would indicate that the same perpetrator or perpetrators may be involved in these incidents t the time, he said there wasn’t enough information to describe the killings as serial in nature ow, suspected serial iller is how the FBI is describing Reed and the effects of the carnage he’s allegedly wrought across the state’s two largest metropolitan areas. During a Monday press conference, Special Agent in Charge Richard Quinn of the FBI praised the

Perez Reed is facing multiple murder charges. | ST. LOUIS COUNTY PROSECUTING ATTORNEY work of local and federal law enforcement in connecting the dots between multiple crime scenes. believe we did good, uinn said believe we too a violent predator off the street Speaking to reporters, Lieutenant Craig Longworth of St. Louis County police said that there are no known connections between eed’s victims, saying, hese appear to be random acts

But Reed’s alleged methods weren’t so random. Charging documents filed by t ouis ounty say that two victims were shot in the same distinctive manner — however, when asked to elaborate during Monday’s press conference, Longworth said he could not provide further details, other than noting that eed definitely had a distinctive manner in which he did it and that, among the si murder victims, the modus was the same Reed was arrested in Independence on Friday, November 5, as he traveled from Kansas City to St. Louis — a trip he took after allegedly murdering two people in the same Kansas City apartment building. Reed is now in federal custody facing a charge of transporting a firearm across state lines with intent to commit a felony. Earlier on Monday, the FBI released an affidavit describing some of the evidence in the case. It revealed that Reed was arrested in possession of a .40-caliber pistol, the same caliber as the casings investigators recovered at the scenes of six killings since September. In St. Louis County, Reed has already been charged in two kill-

City, Schools Partner of Child Vaccination Plan Written by

JENNA JONES

ow that the FDA has approved the Pfizer COVID-19 vaccine for kids ages five to eleven, the next step is actually getting your child vaccinated. Walgreens began accepting appointments last week, while St. Louis County will be able to vaccinate children at county library branches this week. The City of St. Louis unveiled its plan this past Thursday. Accompanied by St. Louis Public Schools superintendent Kelvin Adams and the City of Saint Louis Department of Health director Dr. Mati Hlatshwayo Davis, Mayor Tishaura Jones urged parents to get their children vaccinated. The city will be partnering with local schools and healthcare centers to provide the COVID-19 vaccine to the newly eligible age group. “Pediatric vaccination is the key to protecting our children, protecting our schools, and protecting our communi-

Kids above the age of five can now get both a flu and COVID-19 vaccine at Walgreens. | FLICKR/@VACCINESTOCKPHOTOS ties,” Jones says in a press release. “I made sure my son was vaccinated to make sure he can keep learning in-person and do the things he loves. Getting our kids vaccinated helps us keep our schools open, safe, and healthy while protecting families this holiday season.” The city has partnered organizations

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ings featured prominently in the September 20 press conference, including the September 13 murder of sixteen-year-old Marnay Hayes. Reed is also facing a murder charge in St. Louis County for the September 26 killing of Lester Robinson. hile charges in the city have not yet been formally filed, the department said Monday in a press release that detectives intend to seek murder charges in the September 16 homicide of Pamela Abercrombie and the September 19 homicide of Casey Ross. City detectives will also apply for assault charges related to a second incident from September 16, in which a 28-year-old Black woman was shot in the face and transported to a hospital in stable condition Court records from a previous criminal case show Reed listed an address in Bellefontaine Neighbors. His mugshot, provided by the St. Louis County prosecutor’s office, shows a crescent moon style tattoo in the middle of his forehead, a distinctive mark which the FBI says helped identify Reed on surveillance video in Kansas City. n to help get kids vaccinated, including the Regional Health Commission, Affinia, CARESTL, BJC, Glennon and SSM, all of which have multiple locations. The city also has a partnership with St. Louis Public Schools. Two vaccination clinics will be held at Gateway Middle School (1200 North Jefferson Avenue) on November 13 and on December 4 from 9 a.m. to 12 p.m. Older children and city residents can also get vaccinated there, with residents receiving a $100 gift card after their first dose. “We must host children where they are most comfortable: schools, their primary care physicians or healthcare systems and the community groups that have earned their trust,” Dr. Hlatshwayo Davis says in a statement. Davis adds that the city must be “considerate of times outside of school and work: after hours and weekends,” which their plan directly addresses. Adams says in the news release that vaccination is the “best path to some semblance of normalcy,” and he encourages anyone with an eligible child to get vaccinated. More clinics and partnerships are planned, so residents are encouraged to keep an eye on the department of health’s website. n

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The Rev. Darryl Gray is battling charges that stem from a 2017 police protest. | STEVEN DUONG

Pastor, Protester Win Fight for Jury Trial Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

ore than four years after their arrests during a police protest, a pastor and activist have won their fight to put their case in front of a jury. The Rev. Darryl Gray and Calvin “Cap” Kennedy were at the rear of a protest march on September 29, 2017, when officers slammed Gray to the pavement and cuffed him outside of Busch Stadium. Kennedy came to Gray’s aid and was tasered and tackled before officers dragged both men away. The case is an outlier among the numerous protest-related arrests made during the 2017 demonstrations that followed ex-St. Louis cop Jason Stockley’s acquittal on a murder charge. Since then, the city has chosen to allow charges filed against hundreds of people to lapse without action, but they’ve continued to pursue the case against Gray and Kennedy. And while the city, through two mayoral administrations, has continued the prosecution, it has also fought against the request by the two men for a jury trial, arguing that the charges are only infractions, similar to a parking ticket. Last week, St. Louis Associate Court Judge Nicole Colbert-Botchway ruled that Gray and Kennedy are due their day in court. The two have long contested the charges, claiming that police lied about the encounter. The case was the subject of an October 2020 Riverfront Times cover story. Gray and fellow clergy members have told the RFT that officers were manhandling two female pastors who were

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helping to protect protesters from traffic in an intersection near the stadium, and when Gray protested verbally, an officer body-slammed him to the street. Officers at the scene claimed no one touched the women; they instead testified that Gray grew enraged and shoved an officer in the chest without provocation before his arrest. Gray and his attorney, Javad Khazaeli, have argued it doesn’t make sense that Gray, then 63 years old and 150 pounds, would have tried to physically attack a cluster of officers, all of whom were decades younger and bigger. Further, a video that shows the moments just before and after the initial confrontation encompasses all but a couple of seconds of the skirmish — seemingly not enough time for the calm, de-escalation conversation that Detective Ronald Vaughn claims he had with Gray before the pastor supposedly attacked him. Khazaeli has argued that the city has fought his clients’ demand for a jury trial to avoid putting Vaughn, who is now facing federal charges for allegedly forging a doctor’s note, and similarly checkered colleagues on the stand to testify. Khazaeli believes the city is worried a trial could reveal uncomfortable truths about the actions of city police officers. Both sides accuse the other of using the low-level criminal case against Gray and Kennedy to maneuver in a federal civil lawsuit filed by the men and others arrested during the protests. Dozens of demonstrators and others caught up in the police response to weeks of marches claim police ran wild after Stockley’s acquittal, brutally abusing people in the streets and making illegal arrests. A now-former officer who was part the response, Dustin Boone, was convicted in federal court earlier this year in the violent arrest of an undercover officer whom he and other officers mistook for a protester. n

THE BIG MAD System Failure Muffins for medical care, conservatives back(stab) the blue and a familiar faux outrage Compiled by

DANIEL HILL

elcome back to the Big Mad, the RFT’s weekly roundup of righteous rage! Because we know your time is short and your anger is hot: INSURE THIS: Any time you open your social media — and usually within a few seconds of aimlessly scrolling — there’s a GoFundMe to pay for someone’s medical bills after they’ve fallen ill or been in a serious accident. Just this week, a little girl had to have her own bake sale to help cover the cost of treating her chronic, painful disease because her insurance refused to pay. She’s ten years old, trying to help her parents pay her medical bills because the treatment is too expensive. How fucking wild is that? Imagine what you were doing at ten years old — playing with your toys, trying to convince your parents to let you stay out past when the street lights coming on — and now picture Lyla McCarty’s reality: Most days in pain, missing out on being a kid and blocked from getting treatment for the thing causing her pain because an insurance company told her no. It’s not just a failure of the insurance company, but a failure of American health care as a whole. The St. Louis Post-Dispatch’s Aisha Sultan reported that the insurance company, United Health, wouldn’t even tell the McCartys why they were declining to cover Lyla’s care. How broken is a system that allows a little girl (or anyone, for that matter) to suffer without even offering a reason why she was denied coverage? The fact of the matter is Lyla won’t have a normal childhood because of a health-care system that only cares about money, not the patients it’s supposed to serve. And that’s just bonkers to us. NONE IN THE CHAMBER: Missouri’s love for blind-fire legislation is hampering rural law enforcement from investigating violent gun crimes, and yet, wouldn’t you know it, the Republican lawmakers behind the state’s new Second Amendment Preservation Act know much better than their badge-wearing critics. Indeed, as featured in the latest episode of news program 60 Minutes, the work of pursuing gun crimes has become stupidly fraught for

Missouri police, as they risk being sued for $50,000 for involving themselves in federal gun laws. Among the voices, 60 Minutes featured Poplar Bluff Police Chief Danny Whiteley describing his decision to not share crime scene evidence with the U.S. Department of Bureau of Alcohol, Tobacco, Firearms and Explosives out of fear of being sued. Does he think the law is protecting criminals? “I don’t think it does,” Whiteley answered. “I know it does.” It’s not just Whiteley speaking out, but a growing number of law enforcement officials alarmed as federal agencies and prosecutors pull back from their critical roles assisting with resource-intensive cases. But if you ask the act’s co-sponsors, such as Missouri state Representative Jered Taylor, these thin-skinned cops and prosecutors are just misinformed: “I think that they’re getting bad information,” Taylor told 60 Minutes, later adding that he is “not willing to even consider” making changes to the laws. Apparently, backing the blue doesn’t require that you actually listen to them. THE ILLITERATI: Great news, everyone! Out-of-touch parents have taken a break from being unreasonably outraged by critical race theory and returned to the familiar fury-inducing topic of books in high school libraries. It’s been a minute since they’ve checked in on what kids these days are reading, apparently, and they are flabbergasted by the fact that some students want to see characters that aren’t straight or white. Fox 2 Now reported Lindbergh School District parents want to see books like Crank, The Girl Who Fell From the Sky, All Boys Aren’t Blue — a collection of essays from a Black gay man that reflect on his childhood, adolescence and college years — and the dystopian The Handmaid’s Tale removed from high schools because the books are “too graphic.” On cue, hardright Missouri state Representative Adam Schnelting (always on the hunt for moral panic) weighed in on the debate in the Francis Howell School District, demanding the books be removed. Of course, the never-ending fake outrage poured in, questioning the school’s morals and “but what about the children?!” We hate to be the ones to break it to these parents, but your teens probably see a whole lot worse on TV or even in their own lives — but you can’t keep the same energy for that. Instead of, oh, actually caring about your kids’ education, you’d rather just remove some books you’ve never read (summary in a Facebook meme doesn’t count) from their schools. Maybe just take a break from all this. Teachers have endured plenty this year with the endless tirades by anti-vaxxers and anti-maskers. They should be congratulated for managing to get your kids to read at all. n

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BY DANNY WICENTOWSKI

eparated by security glass in a visiting room in the St. Louis Workhouse, Mike Milton looked into the face of a broken system. It was a weekday in early April 2019, and the face belonged to Samuel Lee Scott. “The whole time, his head was down,” Milton recalls. “He looked physically sick; his face was so swollen. His blood pressure was so high he couldn’t even close his fist to use a pen to sign a document Scott, a 54-year-old with an address in south St. Louis, had been arrested on April 4, 2019, on suspicion of domestic violence. Charged with misdemeanor assault, his bail was set at $5,000, money he didn’t have. More pressing for Scott, however, was the fact that the jail didn’t have his blood pressure medication. During the meeting, Milton had introduced himself as a representative of the Bail Project ounded in , the nonprofit was in the middle of an ambitious attempt to challenge the practice of cash bail, which allows judges to set a price on defendants’ freedom while pending criminal cases move toward trial. The Bail Project’s challenge took the form of freeing thousands of St. Louis defendants otherwise stranded in jail by their own poverty, with many forced to spend months, even years behind bars. The work came fast for Milton and the Bail ro ect fter its first year of operation, the nonprofit found itself processing cases every month. Scott’s case was in many ways

In the aftermath of Samuel Scott’s actions, Mike Milton wrestled with what he could have done differently. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI

typical: Milton says he had learned about him through a “community referral,” which allowed his team to coordinate with a “close contact of cott’s while the nonprofit evaluated his case. During the meeting, Milton says he informed the jailed man of the special conditions the Bail Project used in domestic violence cases; those conditions included a follow-up meeting hours after release, as well as a confirmation that the Lyft ride secured for his transport from jail would go to a different address than his victim. But Milton was operating on partial information. At the time, he didn’t know that cott’s wife, arcia ohnson, had already filed a request for a protective order, describing how her husband “mentally and physically abused” her for three years. She had asked the court to bar him from entering her home if released. “I don’t trust Samuel Scott,” Johnson’s statement concluded, “nor will I feel safe.” A judge signed the order, but Milton says he and the Bail Project never knew it. The group had tried to contact Johnson as part of their

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WE KEEP US SAFE Continued from pg 13

intake process, he says, but they were unsuccessful. On April 9, 2019, just after 6 p.m., a St. Louis Sheriff’s deputy served Scott with the protection order that banned him from being within 300 feet of his wife. About an hour later, Scott walked out of the Workhouse. By 11 that night, police were at the apartment he shared with his wife in the 3800 block of Wisconsin venue fficers reported they found Marcia Johnson “near dead” from a beating. She died five days later Scott was arrested and charged with first degree murder or ilton, it was a nightmare — one that would force him to temporarily leave St. Louis amid death threats that followed heavy local coverage of the Bail Project’s role behind Scott’s release. Milton says the Bail Project did the best it could with what it knew at the time. Still, he says, “I could have quit at that moment.” “Not because I was bullied or the media was too hard,” he continues, “but this was someone’s life. I had all these thoughts — ‘Did I make the wrong decision? Should I have let him stay and suffer in jail? Why am I doing this work?’” Scott’s maximum possible punishment for a Class A misdemeanor assault was a single year of jail time. Even without the Bail Project’s intervention, it’s likely that he would have been released, walking out of the Workhouse with his wife’s protection order in his hand. The Bail Project, Milton maintains, was just one piece of the tragedy, one chapter in a story of missed opportunities and failed intervention by the existing system of police, courts and judges. “The Sam Scott situation was clearly a huge system failure,” Milton says. “We took the blame, we took the hit, even though we weren’t responsible. It was almost like they were telling me that I killed someone. It was probably one of the worst times of my entire life.” But from that nightmare, Milton began to dream.

uch has changed since the tragedy of Samuel Scott and Marcia Johnson. The work of the Bail Project sent the population of the Workhouse into a nosedive. Political change swept through the region, and Milton joined the

campaign to close the Workhouse for good. During election season, he volunteered for the campaign of Tishaura Jones — who as St. Louis mayor made the closure of the or house official city policy in 2021. (The Workhouse still holds about 145 detainees as an “annex” to the under-repair downtown jail, which is operating with limited capacity.) In September, the Bail Project officially ended its mission in the city, though it still operates in St. Louis County and Samuel Scott was released on bail in 2019. | SLMPD St. Charles. But Milton’s new mission is bigger than bail. Earlier this year, he founded movement would lead a young the reedom ommunity enter, preacher named Martin Luther an ambitious community aid and King Jr. to national prominence, restorative justice organization. help launch the Civil Rights era, Milton says that its focus — sup- and, more than 60 years later, porting the survivors of violence stand as a piercing example of the — was partly inspired by the trag- power of an organized Black comedy that unfolded after his meet- munity. During the meeting, people ing with Samuel Scott. “Sam Scott was an opportunity break into clusters to discuss a for us to consider all of the nuanc- series of questions related to the es of intimate partner violence,” boycotts. What would such an efMilton says now. “It really led me fort look like in St. Louis in 2021? to think about this deeply: What Would people show up? Would could have happened? What could they stay organized? The parwe have done differently? How can ticipants write their thoughts on we support victims like Marcia, but large poster boards before prehow can we also support a Sam senting the conclusions of their discussions to the full group. Scott? Because nobody has to die.” Observing the discussion from a he reedom ommunity enter, or , is still in its early table in the back of the room, Milstages. It is not a court-sanctioned ton sees potential: “Imagine this diversion program. It’s not a vio- room, but multiplied by 30,” he lence prevention agency. It’s not a says, gesturing to the participants hashing out their positions and political advocacy group. Instead, Milton is aiming to com- activism goals. “What we hope to bine all these elements into a com- see is a politicized body of people prehensive vision — “a movement who’ve been affected by violence of survivors,” as the group’s web- come up with a strategy for what site states, “that will meaningfully St. Louis can do to keep itself safe.” One by one, the groups select address violence in St. Louis City and collectively design alternatives spea ers to present their findings on the day’s topic. One young to state systems of punishment.” On a recent Thursday evening, woman notes that the boycotters Milton hovers on the periphery of in Montgomery had to be willing a “Power Builder” meeting. Held to give up the convenience and fatwice a month in the Jeff-Vander- miliarity of the bus system to get Lou headquarters of Mission STL, their message across. “It seems today’s gathering finds about like the future was on their mind,” twenty people arranged around she says. An older man suggests circular tables. They talk about that sheer numbers are more imactivism and the nature of city- portant: “We need a mass movement,” he argues, “more than we wide change. The subject of the day’s Power need leaders.” At the meeting’s conclusion, MilBuilder meeting is the 1955 Montgomery, Alabama, bus boycott, ton walks into the center of the an effort that began with rid- room. He poses a question to the ers such as Rosa Parks refusing room, the same one that’s driven to obey racist laws. The boycott him for much of his life. It’s now lasted more than a year, involved become the group’s closing mantra. He challenges the room: “Who 40,000 residents and produced a grassroots system of carpools — keep us safe?” In unison, the voices around what was effectively an alternate public transportation system. The him respond: “We keep us safe!”

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he reedom ommunity Center has a set of challenging goals: Intervening in violence, but also offering support for the parties involved in it. Currently, Milton says the organization’s staff is working with two sets of participants in domestic abuse cases, and a third set of participants involved in an assault. All have come through community referrals. “Some survivors just want to leave, and they want to be safe,” Milton says. “Some people just want that person who harmed them to get help, because they know and they love that person. They want that person to be healthy for their family. They’re not ready to get them incarcerated.” Milton stresses that informal justice systems are nothing new for Black communities. On a drive to his childhood home in north St. Louis, he describes an incident as a teen when an adult family member physically attacked him. Instead of calling the police, his family intervened and helped the relative obtain anger-management counseling in a different city. When the relative returned to St. Louis, the family moderated a meeting between him and Milton, and the two reconciled. Other harms leave deeper scars. Milton, who says he was the victim of repeated childhood sexual abuse, fell into drug addiction as a young adult. He knows what it feels like to harm the people you love. He’s seen the inside of jail cells firsthand t too him years to build his life back. The same dynamic is still playing out in St. Louis. Economic disinvestment, abusive policing, environmental racism — all are still actively holding the city’s Black communities down. “Our communities are deeply wounded,” he says. “If we want to really address violence, these communities have to heal at the core.” Starting in 2010, Milton says he began working with an outreach group for the unhoused and later founded a support group himself. The group attracted people just like him: survivors in the Black community who had found themselves trapped in a cycle of being harmed and harming others. “It was very apparent to me at that time,” he notes, “Why are so many men who look like me doing similar behavior? So much led to the harm that happened to us, and that led to us committing more harm. And on top of that you have systemic and racist policies inter-

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WE KEEP US SAFE Continued from pg 15

rupting our lives — and causing more harm in the communities.” That harm wasn’t just coming from street violence or relationship abuse. Milton argues that when the police and courts get involved in a domestic violence scenario, even to intervene in harm, it can leave the survivors even more isolated, and potentially in greater danger. For those “responsible for harm” — Milton pointedly avoids terms like “criminal” and “abuser” for the program’s participants — the existing justice system may excel at punishment, but in doing so it can create generational wounds for the people around them. “We want to be an alternative structure in the legal system, that provides a structure that we know keeps us safe,” he says. “We want to figure out what the survivor needs and what they want, because incarceration doesn’t do that; it’s either jail or nothing. That’s not equitable or right or fair, and it’s certainly not survivor centered.” After a short drive from the Mission STL headquarters, Milton stops the car. We’ve come to a fenced playground, just a few blocks from the home he grew up in. Next to the playground is Wesley House, a social services support organization that for decades has served children and families in north St. Louis. “This is the community center that helped save my life,” he says, and, pointing through the fence, he locates the large mural covering a section of the building’s white-painted brick exterior. In the mural’s background, next to a vibrant green chameleon perched on a branch, is a young Black boy in a yellow shirt. Milton treasures his memories of this place, a haven of safety in a childhood that often wasn’t. The mural still brings him comfort, though it’s faded over the years. The brick is showing through the paint, clouding the features of the boy in the background. But Milton still recognizes him. “That’s supposed to be me,” he says.

he Freedom Community Center isn’t Milton’s bid for redemption. With a growing body of volunteers and staff, the group has enlisted the resources of the University of Missouri-St. Louis’ Community Psychological Service, as well as experienced practitioners of re-

At an FCC Power Builder meeting, Milton addresses a room of potential activists committed to building an alternative to the legal system. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI storative justice. Erica Wright, the center’s program manager, came to St. Louis after spending nearly five years in the Center for Court Innovation in Brooklyn, New York. Now supervising the Freedom Community Center’s “Free Us” intensive counseling track, she oversees what she calls “a groundbreaking pro-

tim is asking for, then it is on us, at the very least, to try to honor their wishes.” That was the case with the Freedom ommunity enter’s first client, a mother and son. The mother, MJ, spoke to the Riverfront Times on the condition that her full name not be used out of fear of negatively affecting her son’s

“Our communities are deeply wounded. If we want to really address violence, these communities have to heal at the core.” cess” for restorative justice. “We are part of the community — we are not part of the justice system,” she emphasizes. “It’s about restoring relationships. It’s about who was harmed, and what they need to rectify the harm.” As the program expands, Wright says she hopes that potential criminal cases can be referred directly by prosecutors to the Freedom Community Center, and a participant’s success would ultimately involve the charge being dropped — with no one being thrown into prison. The Free Us program starts with the survivor, Wright notes, but it comes with an understanding of the generations-long oppression that’s left many Black communities in St. Louis without resources, stability or safety. ur first point of contact is the person who was harmed,” Wright explains. “We speak with them and ask them if they want the responsible person being part of this process. If that is what the vic-

court case and pending release. From a young age, MJ’s son had struggled with mental health and behavioral challenges. At 23, he was too old for school programs. He had spent years in and out juvenile facilities as a result of a criminal case at age fifteen that had spiraled into probation violations. Her latest attempts to get him into a counseling program had fallen apart with the onset of the pandemic. Over time, she began noticing changes in his behavior. He was spending all his time in his room, and he had become increasingly anxious. At one point, she says, he asked for money. She refused, and what followed was a brutal attack. He broke down her door and struck her in the face. In a panic, she called the Freedom Community enter — but first, she called the police. “It didn’t scare him,” she recalls of the effect of the police on her son. “It just made him angrier.

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My son continued to come back to harass me and my household. I knew this was a mental issue.” MJ says the police only were interested in arresting her son; she claims that on multiple occasions officers searched her home, tearing through her possessions in an unsuccessful attempt to find evidence with which they could link her son to other crimes. “Not one counselor was with the police when they came,” she says. “When they came, they were expecting to shoot.” Her son was eventually arrested and sent to the St. Louis City Justice Center. Tracy Stanton, the Freedom Community Center’s healing support specialist, worked with a public defender to help. She tells the RFT that she was able to provide MJ’s jailed son with his mental-health medication. Relying on a network of local groups, Stanton and the center persuaded the court to release MJ’s son with the understanding that the group would be responsible for his treatment and keeping him out of trouble. She set him up with housing, away from his mother and under the supervision of counselors. In a way, it was a solution very much like the work of the Bail Project, where Stanton got her start as a “bail disruptor” while freeing detainees too poor to free themselves. But as with Samuel Scott, getting someone out of jail often isn’t enough. According to Stanton, MJ’s son was approved for release from jail — but he never made it out the front door. Instead, he was arrested immediately on a parole violation triggered by his earlier assault on his mother. For everyone involved, the reversal was heartbreaking. “He had all the resources he needed, that his mom said he needed, to change the trajectory of his life, which he never had before,” Stanton says now. “It was hurtful, it was discouraging. It happens in numerous cases.” But that’s not the end of the story, though its next chapters have yet to be written. When MJ’s son is released next year, the Freedom Community Center will be there to help him address the harm he caused her, and to work to heal the relationship — for both of them. It’s not a matter of justice or courts or punishment. For MJ, it’s about love. “That’s my son,” she says simply. “And I will not leave my son alone in this world.” n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

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CAFE

Art of the South-City Bar The Drawing Board surprises with masterworks of dive-bar food Written by

CHERYL BAEHR The Drawing Board 4123 Chippewa Street, 314-899-9343. Tues.-Sat. 5 p.m.-midnight; Sun. 11:30 a.m.midnight. (Closed Mondays.)

hen you first step inside the rawing oard, there is nothing to ma e you thin you are anywhere but a typical south t ouis dive he old, dar wood bar that loo s e actly the same as when long gone brewery staffers and metalwor ers bellied up mid shift for a draught alstaff, the low tin ceiling, painted over to cover decades of unfiltered cigarette smo e stain, and the pool table, il luminated by a vintage beige and orange iffany style lamp, paint a picture of the uintessential southside watering hole hat initial impression begins to fade, however, as you ta e a clos er loo hough tag and are on offer, the bar is stoc ed with craft beers, good whis ey, wine and adult selt ers hal boards dot the space, bec oning guests to give in to their inner artist as a ob oss rerun plays on the corner television efinished wood oors give the space polish a painting of imi endri and a massive mural of the t ouis s yline give it spar le hen there’s the crab angoon, a dish you order to sat isfy your need for deep fried bar food ou find yourself shoc ed when its contents consist of actual lump crabmeat f you needed any further convincing that this was a different sort of dive, that an goon does the tric hose une pected, more el evated touches are e actly what aul and att amser and le a amp had in mind when they too over the space this past anuary rior to that, the corner building that sits off of hippewa treet near ravois oad operated as y der’s avern, a south city gather

The Drawing Board’s menu is familiar, but the south-city bar impresses with high-quality versions of pub favorites. Pictured: smash burger, jambalaya balls, falafel sliders and crab Rangoon. | MABEL SUEN ing spot nown for its welcoming atmosphere but, outside of a regu lar burger special, not necessarily its culinary offerings hen yder’s succumbed to pandemic related challenges in ay , the amser brothers saw it as an opportunity to finally open the bar they’d often tal ed about running he move made sense aul owned the building and was in need of either a ten ant or income from the space, and att had e tensive e perience in the food and beverage industry hey loved the idea of yder’s neighborhood bar model, but they wanted to put their own spin on it through thoughtful details, such as music, art and food or that last component, att reached out to his longtime friend and former colleague, le a amp hile wor ing together at rban hestnut’s idtown location, the two became great friends and de veloped a mutual respect for one another’s professional abilities hen it came time to figure out the menu for the rawing oard, att new there was no one he would rather have ta e charge than amp e and aul brought her in last e cember and gave her free rein to

wor out her vision or amp, who has wor ed ev erywhere from the orner ub and rill to the first iteration of uincy treet istro, approach ability and comfort were the most important factors she considered when developing the rawing oard’s menu s she will often note, the offerings are not all that different from what you would see at any other bar or chain restau rant, but they have special touches and an eye to uality that ma e them special ust as the crab an goon is homemade and filled with real crabmeat, other dishes are e ually elevated from what you thin you would get at a southside bar ambalaya balls, for instance, are a delightful play on arancini he golden fried, mandarin or ange si ed fritters have a crunchy e terior when pierced with a for , they reveal steaming, awlessly coo ed asmine rice ec ed with chic en, andouille, peppers and onions that evo e all of the avors of the classic a un dish hough e cellent on its own, a side of re moulade sauce adds a esty punch to this outstanding snac amp’s nac for style coo ing is also evident in the red

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beans and rice, a warm, satisfying side dish enriched with smo ed por for a rich, savory avor that’s li e chili with a ouisiana in ec tion f you have a craving for that uintessential cold weather dish, the red beans and rice will satisfy it, but if you are there on one of the days amp ma es her chic en chili, you’ll want to sei e the mo ment he uses smo ed chic en, which gives the chili depth you don’t often find in a poultry based version here’s no better dish to en oy while sitting around the fire pit on the rawing oard’s dog friendly bac patio he rawing oard offers a handful of sandwiches, including an e cellent smash burger, which is a holdover from the yder’s av ern days chef ony ollida, cur rently chef and owner of rand ied, is the one who gets credit for this creation he patty’s edges are perfectly lacy, ust as you’d e pect of the style molten meri can cheese seeps into every crac in the patty, creating a decadent wonder that is balanced out with a slaw of shredded romaine, onion, dill pic les and curried bread and butter pic les tossed in housand

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

The Philly features smoked, shaved strip loin topped with a housemade cheese whiz, mixed peppers and onions on a hoagie. | MABEL SUEN

Co-owner Matt Wamser and chef Alexa Camp. | MABEL SUEN

THE DRAWING BOARD Continued from pg 19

Island dressing. Called “Medart style” after a long-shuttered burger restaurant of the same name, the topping is billed as optional, though there really isn’t any question whether you should add it. Camp takes every opportunity to showcase her meat-smoking abilities, of which we are all beneficiaries traditional hilly cheesesteak features thinly shaved smoked strip loin smothered in bell peppers, onions and a velvety housemade cheese whiz, all tuc ed into a uffy hoagie roll The earthiness of the smoke permeates the entire sandwich, making it more complex than the usual hilly ven the grilled cheese is special. Instead of the standard orange cheddar or merican, amp uses white cheddar and herbed goat cheese to give it a pungent punch. It pairs beautifully with an optional filling of herbed wild mushrooms, which turns this into the sort of grilled cheese you’d

RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

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e pect to find on the lunch menu at an upscale bistro rather than a working-class tavern. If Camp will become known for one thing, however, it’s the Gooey Babies, her stunning, individually portioned take on gooey butter ca e he muffin shaped treats are uffy, ca e li e and notably less cloying than the traditional version of the St. Louis staple; one could even call them a gooey butter sou e that even your gooey butter-averse out-of-town friends will enjoy. You wouldn’t expect to find perhaps the city’s best version of its official dessert at a south St. Louis corner bar, just as you’d be surprised to see real crab or a thrilling riff on arancini on its menu. That the Wamser brothers and amp have figured out how to perfectly thread that needle without losing the bar’s essential character is what makes the Drawing Board such a special place.

The Drawing Board Jambalaya balls ..........................................$8 Smoked Philly .............................................$8 Grilled cheese with mushrooms ........... $9.50

SHORT ORDERS [FIRST LOOK]

New, Old Flavors Sureste Méxican is serving Yucatán cuisine at City Foundry Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

or several years, chef Alex Henry has been injecting the menus of the restaurants he’s worked at with tastes of his native Yucatán Peninsula. Now, he is stepping out on his own with Sureste Méxican (3730 Foundry Way), an entire restaurant dedicated to the vibrant cuisine, which opened October 20 in the Food Hall at City Foundry. “I felt like this needed its own concept, because I’ve been doing this here and there at other restaurants,” Henry says. “I really wanted to do the food that I grew up eating, and this seemed like a good place to do it.”

Sweet Idea Andy Cohen and Clementine’s announce Peppermint Andy collaboration Written by

JAIME LEES

lementine’s Creamery (multiple locations including 1637 South 18th Street, 314-474-5800) and favorite St. Louis son Andy Cohen have launched a new ice cream flavor, and it’s currently available at Clementine’s scoop shops. Named Peppermint Andy, the new flavor is a swirly pink peppermint-chocolate mix, and it’s arriving just in time for the holiday Mariah Carey season. It’s made with Clementine’s dairy base, crushed King Leo Peppermint candies, dark chocolate curls and a hint of vanilla. The new flavor is more than just a new sweet treat, though; it’s the first step in

Chef Alex Henry shares flavors from his boyhood home at his new restaurant. | CHERYL BAEHR As Henry explains, Sureste Méxican is informed by the recipes of his mother and grandmother, the two main culinary in uences in his life. Growing up, the two women showed him how to cook and were by his side as he explored the food stalls and markets of their hometown, Merida. When Henry grew up, he carried these experiences with him on his own professional culinary journey at such acclaimed restaurants as a charitable chain. Clementine’s is donating 50 percent of sales of the peppermint-chocolate flavor to DOORWAYS, a local interfaith nonprofit organization which provides housing and related supportive services to improve quality of life and health outcomes for people affected by HIV/AIDS. For Andy Cohen’s family, this project is a continuation of a decades-long relationship with DOORWAYS. Cohen says his mom has been “heavily involved” with the organization since he came out of the closet in 1989. “Andy Cohen has been a steadfast DOORWAYS supporter and friend for many, many years,” Opal Jones, president and CEO of DOORWAYS, says in a news release. “It’s wonderful to see Clementine’s honor him with this new ice cream! Peppermint is known as both a remedy and a delightful essence — two characteristics among Andy’s many traits. He helps improve the lives of people in need — such as our DOORWAYS clients — through his generous and kind spirit.” “We are honored to partner with Andy and DOORWAYS on this special flavor,”

Vicia, Niche and Nixta, where he was honored as a “Young Gun” by the in uential food site Eater. At each of his jobs, he took every opportunity afforded him to sprinkle in bits of Yucatán cuisine, but now Henry is eager to dedicate an entire restaurant to it. City Foundry feels like a particularly special venue to do that, because of how much it reminds him of the markets and food stalls in Merida. At Sureste Méxican, diners can

expect such traditional Yucatán dishes as chime, which consists of turkey stewed in burnt chile mole with a hardboiled egg and pork meatball and cochinita pibil, made with citrus roasted pork, macerated onions and habanero. “I want people to learn a little bit about this region,” Henry says. “Mexico is our neighbor to the south, but we don’t get a large variety of food, and a lot of places have similar stuff. That’s not bad, but it’s good for people to know there are a lot of options.” Dishes at Sureste Méxican come in two formats. Guests can either choose from entree portions with sides and tortillas or tacos. Henry is excited to be serving up the food himself on the line to his guests so that he can answer any questions and explain the dishes and heritage that have made him the chef he is today. “Mexico has so many diverse cultures, languages, foods; this just happens to be the one I grew up with,” Henry says. “I think it’s something worth sharing with everyone here.” Sureste Méxican is open on Mondays and Wednesday through Saturday from 11:30 a.m. until 7:30 p.m. and on Sundays from 11:30 a.m. until 7 p.m. n

Andy Cohen with Peppermint Andy, a new Clementine’s Creamery flavor. | CLEMENTINE’S CREAMERY Tamara Keefe, CEO of Clementine’s Creamery, says in the announcement. “What a wonderful way to celebrate the holiday season with a delicious new ice cream that will also benefit a most wor-

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thy organization in our community.” Peppermint Andy is currently available in Clementine’s scoop shops and can also be ordered online. Visit clementinescreamery.com for more information. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

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so what did do at that age listened to the adult ow, five years later, ssman is ready to let go of that negative feedbac and dive into the culinary field with his new pop up, rrational oots uilt around the idea of crispy fried potatoes as an approachable vehicle for culinary e ploration, rrational oots is an upscale take on loaded fries with internationally inspired toppings. ince ’m still getting my feet wet, wanted to start out with something more casual but that still captures my passion for world cuisine and the science of food, ssman says he idea of potatoes was a 2 a.m. realization thing; the logic is that they

go with everything and everyone loves crispy potatoes wanted to use something that was really approachable as a vehicle to ma e things [that are] more unfamiliar with people more approachable or the past few years, ssman has been engaged in professional endeavors as far from the culinary world as one can imagine. A graduate of the issouri niversity of cience and echnology with a degree in computer science, he spends his days working for a national laboratory in the fields of supercomputing and physics simulation hough he finds the wor intellectually fulfilling, he couldn’t help but realize early on that working at a desk all day was

not his cup of tea fter having what he describes as a quarterlife crisis, ssman decided to see if he wanted to explore food as more than a hobby and staged at restaurants in both Chicago and an rancisco here, he learned a great deal about the industry, which reignited his desire to pursue cooking as a profession. or now, he is pursuing that goal one step at a time, launching rrational oots as a pop up concept while he continues at his day job. ast month, he hosted his second pop up event at ile arden, where he featured two different plant based offerings he first, a erman style dish inspired by ctoberfest, featured winter s uash and ohlrabi sauer raut served over crispy potatoes his other dish, inspired by the avors of the ucat n, paired roasted poblanos with habanero-citrus hot sauce and achiote. hough he does not yet have a truck or brick-and-mortar space in the wor s, ssman dreams of one day having a space of his own, where he can fully explore the possibilities of plant-based cooking as a more formal style of dining. For now, though, he sees rrational oots as a way to wor out his ideas and gauge interest in the style of eating that has been his passion for as long as he can remember. his is a great opportunity to e periment, because each pop up is going to be a different type of world cuisine, ssman says ’m in the early stages, but am split between this one-step-at-a-time approach and doing what really see myself doing n general, ’m a big fan of going with the ow and seeing where life ta es me, so we will see how things turn out n

Rockwell Beer Garden occupies the 1929-era comfort center located near the park’s tennis and pickleball courts. The renovated building will serve as the hub of Rockwell’s operations in the park, with a food counter featuring familyfriendly dishes, adult beverages and nonalcoholic drinks, as well as an outdoor gathering space complete with tables, fire pits and pickleball rental equipment. The beer garden will be open, weather permitting, through mid-December, with hours announced via the brand’s social media platforms. “As a city resident who lives in the neighborhood, I made certain that creating a safe and welcoming environment was our top priority,” says Rockwell Beer Company co-founder Heather Sanders, in a statement announcing the opening. “Before we swung a hammer, we asked for input from residents and park users to make sure we were

adding useful amenities to one of the city’s best parks. From new lighting and extensive facility upgrades to improved restrooms and an expanded patio with spacious seating and native plantings, this new interpretation of the comfortcenter space respects the neighborhood’s history while enhancing visitors’ experience in the park. This project embraces David R. Francis’ original desire that the park bearing his name be used and maintained for recreational uses and purposes.” Rockwell Beer Garden’s food offerings come from the talented hands of chef Michael Petres, who has worked at the Ritz-Carlton Hotel in St. Louis, Araka, Balaban’s, Terrine and Niche Food Group, where he spent ten years with the company in various roles, including corporate executive chef. At the restaurant group’s former concept, Porano, Petres was instrumental in developing a much-

heralded pizza recipe. He draws on that background for the beer garden’s several pizza offerings, including the Rockwell Margherita, the Pepperoni Plus and the Broccwell, which features charred broccoli, onions and sweet peppers. In addition to pizza, the beer garden will offer other dishes, such as chickpea dip, spinach and artichoke dip, and a chopped salad. Beer from Rockwell Beer Company will be available, together with wine, cocktails and grab-and-go items. “Our goal for this project is to recapture the sense of community and pride that has been a major component of this city’s history,” Rockwell Beer co-founder Chris Huls says in the statement. “St. Louis was once filled with beer gardens. Our hope is that this will be a catalyst for other public-private ventures throughout the city. I’m incredibly proud of what we’ve built, and I can’t wait to welcome guests.” n

[FOOD NEWS]

Growth Opportunity Plant-based pop-up Irrational Roots explores world flavors through loaded fries Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

rom as early as the age of five, Josh Essman knew he wanted to be a chef. Singularly focused on following his passion for food, he has memories of putting together traditional Korean New Year’s feasts for his family as a middle schooler and executing full edged, globally inspired catering jobs when he was a teen. He was so passionate about cooking and food in general that he planned on going to college for food science and seeing where that path would lead him — until a veteran chef who was supposed to offer him words of wisdom told him to get out of Dodge. round seventeen, had a chat with someone who had been in the industry for years, ssman says e said, et the hell out while you can.’ He told me that the pay isn’t great and that there are a lot of reasons not to go into the culinary field professionally e told me that if wanted to eep it as a hobby, that was one thing, but don’t be li e him and go into it professionally was young,

Take It Outside Rockwell Beer Garden is now open in Francis Park Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

eer lovers — and really anyone who enjoys imbibing and snacking outdoors — have reason to celebrate, courtesy of one of the city’s most popular craft breweries. Rockwell Beer Company’s Francis Park beer garden is now open, featuring pizzas, snacks, beverages and, most importantly, a lovely spot for enjoying one of the city’s most beloved outdoor venues. First announced this past May, the

Crispy potatoes serve as the base for culinary exploration. | COURTESY IRRATIONAL ROOTS

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NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

ST. LOUIS STANDARDS

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ICONIC PEOPLE, PLACES & DISHES T H A T A N C H O R S T L’ S F O O D S C E N E

Life in Burgers Chuck-A-Burger keeps cruising with a classic model Written by

CHERYL BAEHR Chuck-A-Burger 9025 St. Charles Rock Road, St. John 314-427-9525 Year opened: 1956

t was 1956, and Bud Taylor, Curt Bennett and Ralph Stille found themselves in a bit of a pickle. For the past year, they’d been running their IBC Root Beer stand on the corner of Page and Pennsylvania avenues under the branded name Dairy Dell, with its franchise specific menu re uirements. However, as they gained a following, they began adding other offerings — burgers, fries, hot dogs — and realized they were deviating far enough from the Dairy Dell model that they needed to come up with a new name. Sitting around one night, the three men spitballed a few ideas, throwing out names like Broil-A-Burger and hat urger before tille had a revelation. y dad said, hat about Chuck-A-Burger?’ since we serve ground chuck,” says Ron Stille, Ralph’s son and current owner of the beloved burger spot. “Part of the reason was that, at the time, Steak ’n Shake was huge, and people would hang out there on Friday nights, saying that they were headed to tea e figured it sounded good to say, e’re going to Chuck.’ To this day, I still have people say they will meet me at Chuck. It happens a lot.” For Ron Stille, running the last remaining location of the iconic burger-and-fries joint makes him both a restaurateur and a historian — a role he relishes as a way to keep alive the memory of what his father helped to create. Picking up the story with the rechristening of the former Dairy Dell, Stille says that then-owner Taylor and his managers, Bennett and Stille’s dad, set out to dethrone their Steak ’n Shake competitor.

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Chuck-A-Burger has been a St. Louis institution since 1956. | ANDY PAULISSEN The plan included expansion with new locations in St. John, and then Crestwood. By 1972, Chuck-A-Burger had grown into a bona fide chain with eight locations around town and a commissary kitchen where they made all of their fries, buns and numerous other items. However, that success would not go on forever. Around that time, things were beginning to change in the industry as other national players — Burger King, Burger Chef, McDonald’s — came online and crowded the burger chain space. he competition became so fierce that aylor had to file for ban ruptcy in 1973. Stille vividly remembers hearing the news. “I was away at college, and Mom called and said that Dad was out of a job,” Stille recalls. “Dad had to take a job selling life insurance — started at the bottom at the age of 52. It was tough, but Curt had kept the Rock Road Chuck-A-Burger going after ud filed for ban ruptcy, and he started having a hell of a time because of the tough competition. He called Dad and said he had to get out; would my dad want to buy it. My dad said what the hell.”

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The burger and onion rings are the restaurant’s foundation. | ANDY PAULISSEN Ralph Stille bought Chuck-ABurger from Bennett in 1977, and it only took about a year before he recruited his son to help out. At the time, Ron Stille was working for St. Louis County rehabbing houses, so he signed on to assist his dad with the restaurant at night. Under their watch, the restaurant chugged along, not making a lot of money, but making enough to keep

the doors open. Chuck-A-Burger’s fortunes would change, however, when a friend of the family approached Stille’s father with an idea to celebrate the burger spot’s silver anniversary. “Our friend Lou was a big car guy, and he said we should do an anniversary car show on the 25th anniversary of the Rock Road store opening,” Stille says. “Dad was a lit-

Classic car cruises have been synonymous with Chuck-A-Burger since the 1980s. | ANDY PAULISSEN

Ron Stille carries on his late father’s legacy at Chuck-A-Burger. | ANDY PAULISSEN The St. Charles Rock Road location is the last standing Chuck-A-Burger. | ANDY PAULISSEN tle hesitant because he’d had some issues in the past with high school kids peeling out of the parking lot and stuff, but he decided to do it. It wasn’t necessarily a car show, but we called it a ‘cruise.’ It was unbelievably successful, and the rest is history as far as nostalgia, notoriety and growth.” Stille credits that initial car show — and subsequent ones that appealed to classic automobile enthusiasts and ’50s and ’60s music fans alike — as being a renaissance for the restaurant. From that day forward, Chuck-ABurger became synonymous with its cruises, turning it from a regular burger-and-malt shop into a beacon of nostalgia. Even after Stille’s father passed and the busi-

ness transferred hands to him, the restaurant remained a thriving destination, evolving from a good burger-and-malt shop into an icon of the city’s restaurant scene. Stille is humbled that this remains the case, even amidst the challenges the past year and a half have presented. In shock, like the rest of the world, he recalls being filled with disbelief as he and his longtime staff watched the pandemic unfold, but he’s thankful that his model was already set up to accommodate the changes in dining habits. “Fifty percent of our business is curb service, so it was not our first rodeo, tille says e closed the dining room, but curb service took off even more. It was freak-

ing crazy. A lot of other restaurants were having a harder time because they had no curb service, but thankfully, we did and took ball and ran with it because it’s what we do e were definitely scared and didn’t know what was going to happen; it was a pretty difficult time and very stressful but, knock on wood, we were busy and still are.” Stille believes the reason ChuckA-Burger continues to be busy during the pandemic, even as its dining room remains closed, is because it means so much to the community. Nearly as often as he gets orders for cheeseburgers and onion rings, he hears stories about how people met their spouses at the restaurant, took their kids there, shared pineapple

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shakes with their dad at its counter or even parked out back with their sweethearts in the ’50s. “If that canopy could talk,” Stille laughs. Those stories are special to him because they mean that his family has done more than simply serve good food to their guests; they have had a meaningful impact on people’s lives. For that reason, no matter how vintage the decor may be, Chuck-A-Burger will never go out of style. “Dad used to say that the good thing about our place is we never have to redecorate,” Stille says. “Just leave everything exactly the way it was. You relive the past when you come visit Chuck-A-Burger. It’s like driving into a time warp; when you come across that parking lot it’s like in 1957 again.” n

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NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

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REEFERFRONT TIMES Feds’ Cash Grab Highlights Dispensaries’ Banking Bind Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

clash of cannabis laws hovers over the mysterious May seizure of $165,620 in Missouri medical-marijuanagenerated cash by federal agents with the Drug Enforcement Administration. The money was being delivered across Kansas — where state law considers marijuana entirely illegal — and on its way to its final destination in a credit union in Colorado, where cannabis is legal. While key details of the incident remain cloudy, the fact that Missouri cannabis businesses are finding creative (and risky) methods of banking their money, going as far as shipping it via van across a cannabis-unfriendly state, comes as no surprise to the Missouri Bankers Association. That’s because there’s a good reason why multiple cannabis dispensaries would rely on a Colorado institution instead of depositing it in a local bank: For the most part, the banks here won’t take their money. “It’s just not widespread in Missouri; they are few and far between,” says association spokesman Jackson Hataway, who sees the Kansas cash seizure as emblematic of Missouri’s lack of banking resources for cannabis businesses. “It’s the economic scale of it,” explains Hataway. “If you’re willing to drive your funds across the state and across state lines, then you’re talking about a pretty serious business that is trying to do something with a significant amount of cash. That’s the only

Federal drug laws have scared a lot of banks away from serving dispensaries. | PIXABAY time that line of thinking would make sense.” Launched last October, Missouri’s medical marijuana industry is expected to generate more than $200 million in sales by the end of 2021. The money has to go somewhere. For multiple Kansas City dispensaries, it went into bags, which went into a van, which then made a 700-mile journey before being deposited in Colorado. However, on May 17, that particular banking solution collided with a sheriff’s deputy in Dickinson County, Kansas, about 150 miles west of Kansas City. ccording to filings in federal court which include an affidavit submitted by a DEA agent), the deputy pulled over a driver working for Empyreal Logistics, a Pennsylvania-based cash transport company, for a traffic stop on Interstate 70. Informed by the driver of the plan to pick up cash from cannabis businesses in Kansas City before returning to Colorado, the deputy ultimately allowed the Empyreal van to continue the journey, but he also alerted federal agents; the next day, the DEA surveilled the Empyreal employee “stopping and entering multiple state marijuana dispensaries in Kansas City.” he affidavit describes how

the very next day, the van was stopped for a second time, by the same Dickinson County deputy, leading to the seizure of $165,620. No drugs were seized, and the affidavit does not disclose whether the driver faced criminal charges for supposedly transporting the proceeds from what the state of Kansas and the federal government consider an illegal drug operation. In September, Empyreal filed a legal claim to contest the federal government’s seizure, arguing that the cash was “legally obtained” and that the company “has done nothing ... to merit forfeiture of the Subject Currency.” The next court hearing in the case is scheduled for January, and, in the meantime, Missouri’s handful of cannabis-friendly ban ing and finance professionals are left to grapple with the possible implications. David Smith, a St. Louis accountant who works with Missouri cannabis businesses, says the Kansas case raises questions about the connection between the DEA’s interest in enforcing federal drug laws over those of states. “It’s still federally illegal in Missouri; the DEA could theoretically seize any existing operator,” Smith notes. “It’s curious to me,” he continues: “If the DEA was involved,

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why did they not pick it up in Missouri? Why wait until they cross state lines?” Smith points out that the distinction between cannabis as a product, and the revenue generated around the cannabis industry, is one that the federal regulators don’t have to acknowledge. As the government argued in the Kansas case, any money generated from a cannabis operation is illegal. That point is well understood by federally insured banks, Smith says, which is why so few are willing to take the risk of potentially running afoul of federal regulators. That hesitance extends even to vendors, as one magazine publisher found out when, as reported in October by St. Louis Public Radio, his decision to run a cannabis-related advertisement led to his bank demanding a $500 monthly fee for additional audits and compliance measures. There’s no clear-cut line, Smith notes. Each bank is weighing the risk and relationship with each cannabis business or cannabisrelated vendor. “These are snowballing issues,” he says. “You have cannabis operators trying to do the right thing, keep money in the banking system, do the proper reporting, but still have these challenges in front of them. We’ve heard of businesses whose banks called them up, saying, ‘We’re not doing business with you anymore. Come pick your money up this afternoon.’” If that happens, businesses may be forced to turn to out-of-state banks in states such as Colorado, whose cannabis industry has had years to create relationships and build trust with financial institutions Missouri isn’t quite there yet. One Missouri bank president, who spoke to the Riverfront Times on the condition that he and his ban not be identified, says his bank’s cannabis clients haven’t run into any similar trouble with federal agents or cash seizures — though, unlike the Kansas City dispensaries, all the revenue for the bank’s clients is staying within state lines. “It’s the unknown spooking people,” the bank president suggests, remarking on the cash seizure in Kansas. “It’s worth paying attention to and monitoring, but at this point, we’re just treating it as an isolated incident.” n

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

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CULTURE Landing Jokes The Flyover Comedy Festival returns to the Grove Written by

JACK PROBST

omedians aren’t known for being the most organized people. The hours for getting up on the standup stage run late, and the jokes about performers sleeping through their day jobs just to get to the next open mic have at least a little bit of truth to them. However, those involved with the Flyover Comedy Festival are the most dedicated comics in St. Louis. Co-founder Zach Gzehoviak was performing standup comedy in 2012 and befriended a lot of fellow local comedians at the time. Then, he noticed the number of comedy festivals in other cities around the country and asked himself a question: “Why don’t we have something?” “I was kind of looking around and was like, ‘Man, St. Louis could use a comedy festival.’ We didn’t have anything,” Gzehoviak says. “I was, at that time, doing some standup in the independent comedy scene in St. Louis, and I’d made friends with [comedians] Emily Hickner and Kenny Kinds and various other people. It was part of the conversation. It would be cool if we had this because we knew these other cities, like Albuquerque or wherever, did. Why don’t we have something, you know? It was a lot of dreaming at that point, but I got a little serious for a minute. I had a logo made and a business card, but it never really took off. It kind of went out the window because I was so busy.” he ball finally got rolling in 2016 after Gzehoviak got a call from his friend Kris Wernowsky. “[Wernowsky] said, ‘Hey, you know, some people are talking about this; are you still interested?’” recalls Gzehoviak. “I was like, ‘Yeah, if we’re gonna do this, I just wanted to keep it to people who are actually dedicated and

Eliza Skinner. | COURTESY FLYOVER COMEDY FESTIVAL want to get the work done.’ So it was me, Kris and people like Emily Hickner, Kenny Kinds … Rafe Williams was there from the beginning. We decided we wanted this [to] be a labor of love.” When initially forming the festival, it was essential to Gzehoviak and the other organizers that they represent all facets of comedy. Therefore, the Flyover Comedy Festival committed to featuring a mix of standups, improv groups, variety shows and sketch comedy. And after a year of planning and hard wor , the first lyover omedy Festival had comedian Todd Barry headlining in 2017. “We promoted it. We did all we could. We were like, ‘I hope St. Louis shows up,’” Gzehoviak says. “I [was] looking at the presales for one of the smaller venues that hold like ten, and I see like ten [tickets] presale, so I’m thinking I’m gonna have to go around and apologize to these people that came in from out of town [to perform]. Then I’m at the venue, and I’m getting texts saying, ‘FULL, FULL, FULL.’ Wow, St. Louis showed up!” Now in its fourth year after a pandemic-related hiatus in 2020, the festival is set for this Thursday through Saturday, November 11 to 13, in the Grove. Venues in-

clude Hot Java Bar & Music Bar (4193 Manchester Avenue, 636888-5282), the Improv Shop (3960 Chouteau Avenue, 314-652-2200), Handlebar (4127 Manchester Avenue, 314-652-2212), Urban Chestnut Brewery (4465 Manchester Boulevard, 314-222-0143) and the Dogwood (4308 Manchester Avenue, 314-349-1242). Proof of vaccination will be required at all venues. Flyover has secured some big names in the comedy world since its inception, and this year’s threeday festival is no exception. The lineup includes comedians Eliza Skinner, Adam Cayton-Holland and Kiry Shabazz and improv group The Big Team (the all-Black, all-male group formerly known as White Women), just to name a few. Gzehoviak gave a rundown on who else he’s excited to see. “We’ve got Rachel Feinstein. A lot of people know her from the Amy Schumer stuff. “One reason why that’s cool is she’s working on her new hour [of comedy]. As far as I know, I think that’s a fun one for the whole family. Like, she gets a little dirty or whatever, but I think the kid to [the] grandma will appreciate a lot of those jokes. “Doug Benson [Doug Loves Movies, Getting Doug with High]. He

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gets this kind of stoner persona, which is true. I’ve always loved his standup. I think his jokes are really smart. He has this endearingly aloof thing. I don’t know if that’s the right way to describe it, but he has this whole stoner persona that he definitely plays into. He’s hilarious, and he’s been around since the late ’80s. Even if you don’t know Doug, you should go to that. “Jeremiah Watkins [Jimmy Kimmel Live] — I’m recommending his show pretty hard because I saw him at a Kansas City comedy club not long ago, and I haven’t laughed that hard in a long time. He has an awesome improvised, physical standup style. i e infield The Office and The Late Show]. He’s got kind of a goofy, high energy and kind of feel-good and so funny. That’s gonna be many people’s favorite show of the weekend if they go see that.” Among the many national acts, St. Louis will be well represented. The Dogwood will host The STLMADE Showcase on Thursday, featuring local standup favorites: Ronaldo Mercado, Angela Smith, Meredith Hopping, JC Sibala, Max Price, Brandon Taylor, Tina Dybal, Kenny Kinds, Aaron Porter, Charlie Winfrey, Chris Cyr, Will O’Donnell and Bobby Jaycox. Other St. Louis shows can be found on the schedule, including Texts From My Family with Emily Hickner and Alexis Winford, a reunion of the improv team Ted Dangerous, The One Four Fives!, Sorry Please Continue and sketch comedy group Shitshow. Gzehoviak has one piece of advice for anyone attending who isn’t familiar with the names of the performers. “If you don’t know a name, just go see something,” he says. “I guarantee [it] will be a good show. This is the one weekend where I would like it to be where you go into these multiple rooms, and it’s like going to the Comedy Cellar in New York, or wherever, because the level of talent is that high. Most of these names people will not know. Just go out and see them.” n A festival schedule, three-day wristbands ($55) and single tickets to each event can be viewed and purchased at flyovercomedyfest.com.

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

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[DANCE]

Kinetic Caring The Luminary’s in c/o: practice explores the liberation of Black women Written by

EILEEN G’SELL

hree women slowly make their way into a gallery, their arms and legs stretching down and up to a low, pulsing synth from the speakers. Their bodies are dressed in repurposed cotton in loose fitting pastels heir feet wear white, brand-free Keds; their faces don fabric masks in azure, rosewood, and chartreuse. Moving in, through, and around the installations, their torsos twist, contract, release — sometimes in unison, other times improvisationally responding to the breaths and footsteps of the gathered onlookers. A lone ute accompanies what seems a subaqueous migration across the oor uddenly, their hypnotic motion shifts into synchronous dance — to a harmonica-driven Dixieland beat and then a bouncy ragtime score. The tune of a gospel organ shifts into classical stylings of Bach or Brahms, then back into a resolutely contemporary spiritual vibe. Their palms and soles pound the concrete, as light pierces their diaphanous sleeves and their brows lift toward the heavens. In last weekend’s “Without Ever eaving the round he lew performance at the Luminary Arts oundation on hero ee, the intersecting projects of Black women’s collective care-giving and liberation were made gloriously kinetic, awakening what could otherwise seem a static gallery experience. As part of in ℅: practice — the exhibition on view until aturday, ovember — he lew both navigates and celebrates modes of historic and contemporary Black feminist care within institutional spaces traditionally “rife with harm urated by ndrea arbrough, and featuring the works of Adero Knott, Nia-Amina Minor, acha ahani awler ueen , and lair bony mith, in ℅: practice plumbs the depths of Black women’s ingenuity, resourcefulness and creative agency in organizing networks of care against a back-

“Without Ever Leaving the Ground (She Flew),” performance by Michele Dooley, Akoiya Harris, and Nia-Amina Minor at The Luminary. | COURTESY THE LUMINARY drop of trauma and marginalization. “We realize that the only people who care enough about [Black women] to work consistently for our liberation are [Black women , reads an e cerpt of the ombahee iver ollective manifesto on display at the gallery’s entrance, a Black feminist text at the cru of arbrough’s vision ur politics evolve from a healthy love for ourselves, our sisters, and our community which allows us to continue to struggle and wor Known for her in ℅: Black women initiative on the south side of hicago, reactivating vacant lots with sculptural objects and live performance, arbrough stressed to me the connection between the movement of the dancers on view and the ever-present contribution of Black women’s physical labor to care-giving efforts. “Nia-Amina and I were thinking about what care means for folks who use their bodies as their jobs, and as movement, thinking about Black feminist practices within that — how we reclaim particular spaces and particular objects … the role of Black feminine environmentalism and eco-feminism, and how we’re left out of that conversation as well n the bac of the gallery, behind a series of curtains constructed of single use plastics, a film of “Without Ever Leaving the Ground he lew screens on a loop, the camera moving in and around the trio as though a fourth dancer.

art of the reams of light series created by inor, of eattle, the piece channels dreams of ight within the Black experience — from the Great Migration to motifs in spiritual and gospel music. utside the installation stands arbrough’s refuge refuse, a fully functional jimmy skiff that latently reminds one of the Middle Passage but feels redemptive in its careful stitch and glue construction. ther sculptural ob ects on display include er onductor’s hair aroline uarlls at ins by acha ahani awler ueen , a handmade wine barrel transformed into an upholstered seat that pays tribute to the first documented Black woman to travel the Underground Railroad from t ouis, hiding for a time in a Wisconsin crockery cask. Near the gallery entrance, arbrough’s site of care soundhaus , made of plywood from a former Luminary show, plays lair bony mith’s audio recording “Do It Again…And ust o t gain ntil ou an’t o t o’ o’ on a loop, intermingling the voices of Black girls in playful and introspective modes. “There’s a place where improvisation and vernacular — Black vernacular, social dance, jazz — meet that interests me as a choreographer, inor e plains in terms of how he lew evolved hen we look at the past, how do we reinscribe that legacy into the present? n this e ploration, both the film

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project and the live performance are navigating that in very specific ways uring our conversation, Minor expresses the importance of bringing live performance into gallery spaces, along with adapting the choreography in site specific ways his was our first time actually being here with the work in person. I wanted the dancers to have the chance to engage with each object in the moment. It’s very reciprocal — giving and receiving, like the nature of caregiving itself ore than years ago, the ombahee iver ollective proclaimed that “if Black women were free, it would mean that everyone else would have to be free since our freedom would necessitate the destruction of all the systems of oppression, and arbrough emphasizes that, for her, in ℅: Black Women is ongoing. “A lot of what is happening today is a draw on the past. We’re not doing anything new, it’s just molded for the time. We are pulling on the genealogy of Black feminist thought and history … the folks who coined intersectionality before that word was even in our lexicon, who have been invisibilized in a lot of spaces. We wanted to bring that to the forefront n The Luminary Arts Foundation is located at 2701 Cherokee St, and is open Wednesday and Thursday from 12 to 5 p.m., and Friday and Saturday from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. during exhibitions.

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SAVAGE LOVE BACKLOT ACCESS BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’m a 44-year-old gay male and I’ve never been in a serious relationship. I would like to find my way into an LTR, but I have a series of overlapping dating issues that I don’t know how to navigate. First, due to my career, I move around a lot, and often don’t see the point in dating when I know I am going to be moving again; I have another potential move on the horizon in six months. Second, I find online dating apps to be awful. I have encountered more ghosts on apps than I did in the Haunted Mansion at Disneyland. Last year one date I arranged through an app turned out to be the setup for either a mugging or a hate crime. I managed to escape physically unharmed, but I did delete all the dating apps after that. Third, I’m a beefier guy, but I have never really fit into the bear community. I hate wearing leather, I can’t stand growing facial hair, and don’t have any kinks — and leather, beards and kinks seem to be prerequisites for joining the bear club. Also, most bears are older guys and older guys don’t really do it for me. And younger guys always seem to be looking for a sugar daddy. I’m a Goldilocks who can’t find her “just right.” Fourth and finally, I’ve lived a big life. Due to a parent in the entertainment industry, I grew up with backlot access. I have literally traveled all over the world. I can tell stories for days. But it makes dating hard when the other guy has only his work or cats to talk about. I’ve gone on more than one date where the guy told me he didn’t have anything interesting to say about himself and that he just wanted to hear about my life. Am I destined to be either a spinster or a sugar daddy? Lost And Can’t Keep Investigating New Guys 1. If you don’t see any point in dating because you’re always on the move, LACKING, it’s not a long-term relationship you should be seeking, but a nice string of fulfilling short term relationships. STRs can be serious, they can be loving, and with more people working remotely than ever before, a successful-ifgeographically-challenging STR has

a much better shot at becoming a successful LTR these days. 2. Dating and hookup apps are awful. People on the apps sometimes lie about who they are, they ghost on you, and they block you without explanation. But bars are awful too. People in bars sometimes lie about who they are, they excuse themselves “for a second” and never return, they go home with you one night and eat your ass for hours and then pretend they don’t know you the next time you see them at the same bar. And just as people have been mugged, assaulted and murdered by people they met on apps, people have been mugged, assaulted and murdered by people they met in bars — and at work, at church, through friends, etc. So, wherever we’re meeting people, online or off, we need to be careful; we need to have those first meetings in a public place, tell a friend where we’re going and who we’re with, and trust our guts. When someone makes you feel uncomfortable or unsafe, get out of there and/or ghost on them. (And if we find that people are constantly ghosting on us … well … then we need ask ourselves if we’re doing something that makes other people feel uncomfortable or unsafe.) 3. Not all bears have beards or kinks or wear leather. At any big event for bears, LACKING, you’re likelier to see guys in jeans, T-shirts, and trucker hats than you are to see guys in leather — unless it’s a fetish party, of course. But even at a fetish party, LACKING, you’ll see guys in neoprene, wrestling singlets, diving suits, hand-crocheted harnesses and on and on. Leather isn’t required. 4. I’d rather listen to a charming guy tell me a funny story about his cat than a conceited guy drone on and on about some famous actor he saw on a backlot pocketing granola bars from the craft services table. I’m not saying you’re conceited or boring, LACKING, but if I were a betting man and only had the last paragraph of your letter to go on, I’d put my chips on conceited and boring. Look, if a guy tells you halfway through a date there’s nothing he wants to share with you about himself and invites you to carry on talking about yourself, that doesn’t mean he’s so enthralled by your stories he just wants to listen. That means he’s bored and/or annoyed and has already made up his mind

that you’re not gaining access to his backlot. Zooming out, LACKING, can you see the pattern in your letter? You say you want a relationship, but you don’t see the point of dating because you’re always moving. You say you want a relationship, but the apps are a waste of time because some people are sketchy. You say you want a relationship, but you don’t wanna go to places where people might be buying what you’re selling (bear nights, bear parties) because you don’t wanna wear the kind of clothes you’re required to wear at those events (leather, which you’re not actually required to wear) or grow the kind of facial hair you’re required grow to attend them (beards, which you’re not actually required to grow). You say you want a relationship, but guys who didn’t grow up with wealthy and connected parents bore you — which is going to ma e finding someone next to impossible. Gay men are a tiny percentage of the population, and finding someone in your preferred age range is going to be hard enough without ruling out guys who can’t match your story about peeing next to Matt LeBlanc in a men’s room on the Warner Bros. lot with a story of their own about some celebrity they peed next to. Or on. Viewed together, LACKING, the above looks less like “this dude is just unlucky in love” and more like “this dude is engaged in some serious self-sabotage.” So, the problem isn’t the apps or the job-related moves or leather pants or scratchy beards or guys who insist on boring you with stories about their cats when you’ve got a much better story about Mariska Hargitay’s dog walker. The problem is you. I’m not saying you’re an asshole or that you’re unworthy of love. You’re not an asshole; you’re just a little up your own ass. If love and commitment are what you want, LACKING, then want you to find them ut you’re going to need to get out of your own ass and out of your own way. P.S. If you have the kind of career that requires you to move every couple of years, LACKING, you should think twice before rejecting guys who aren’t as career-oriented or privileged as you are. Those are the guys who can easily relocate with you. So, while dismissing every guy with a boring and/or low-

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paying job means you won’t wind up brie y dating a boy who ust wants a sugar daddy, LACKING, never giving a regular guy with a regular job a chance could wind up costing you a lot more in the long run. Hey, Dan: I’m a 35-year-old gay guy who’s about to get married. My fiancé and I decided to open our relationship recently and had a wonderful, slutty summer. Not long ago, one of my fiancé’s hookups made me feel jealous. The next time we had sex, just the two of us, I asked my fiancé to worship my body like he worshipped our buddy’s body. My fiancé got impatient, I got frustrated, and then I asked him to stop, which killed the mood. We talked and I asked him to be brutally honest. I asked him if he was attracted to me, and it turns out that he is not. He only has sex with me to make me happy. I died inside. He insists that he loves me deeply and wants to be with me. But I don’t want to spend the rest of my life with someone who isn’t physically attracted to me. (Yes, I can get enthusiastic sex outside the relationship, but I want that from the man I love.) We both freaked out and cried. Now, here I am, due to be married in three months. What on Earth should I do? Gutting Revelation Overturns Our Marital Schedule Postpone the wedding, GROOMS. You made a reasonable assumption about your fianc — that he was attracted to you sexually — and your fianc allowed you to ma e that assumption. Now that he’s opted, with your encouragement, to be brutally honest (loves you, but not attracted to you) you’re going to need some time to process that. Basically, you have to decide if what’s on offer here — a sexless (or soon to be sexless) companionate marriage where your husband is free to see se with men he finds attractive and you’re free to seek sex with men who find you attractive — is something you’re willing to accept. As prices of admission go, this one is pretty fucking steep. If paying it sounds no less awful and/or impossible a few months from now than it does right now, GROOMS, call the wedding off. questions@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savage.love

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

riverfronttimes.com

NOVEMBER 10-16, 2021

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Riverfront Times, November 10, 2021

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