Riverfront Times, November 26, 2019

NOVEMBER 27–DECEMBER 3, 2019 I VOLUME 43 I NUMBER 45

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HONORS & AWARDS: • Charles Shaw Trial Advocacy Award • Missouri and Kansas Super Lawyers • St. Louis Magazine, Best Lawyers in St. Louis DWI • Riverfront Times Best Lawyer • Best Lawyers in United States • 10 years of law enforcement training, including time as a narcotics agent • Invited to speak nationally on the topic of DWI defense • A proven record of successfully defending difficult DWI cases • A graduate of the National College of DUI Defense at Harvard

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THE LEDE

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

“Some people laugh at me. Some people say I’m crazy. Some people don’t understand. But there’s a lot of people that do.”

KENAN BELL SR., KNOWN AS UNIIMO, PHOTOGRAPHED IN THE DELMAR LOOP ON NOVEMBER 22.

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TABLE OF CONTENTS

Publisher Chris Keating Interim Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

COVER

Labor Costs The restaurant industry is famously grueling. Four top chefs describe what it’s like when you add parenthood to the mix.

Cover photo of Nudo House’s Marie-Anne Velasco and her kids by

THEO R. WELLING

A R T Art Director Evan Sult Contributing Photographers Virginia Harold, Stephen Kennedy, Monica Mileur, Zia Nizami, Andy Paulissen, Nick Schnelle, Mabel Suen, Micah Usher, Theo Welling, Jen West P R O D U C T I O N Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Advertising Director Colin Bell Senior Account Executive Cathleen Criswell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Multimedia Account Executive Jackie Mundy

INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Feature Calendar Film Cafe Short Orders Culture Out Every Night Savage Love

E D I T O R I A L Managing Editor Liz Miller Arts & Culture Editor Paul Friswold Music Editor Daniel Hill Digital Editor Jaime Lees Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Restaurant Critic Cheryl Baehr Film Critic Robert Hunt Columnist Ray Hartmann Contributing Writers Mike Appelstein, Allison Babka, Thomas Crone, Jenn DeRose, Mike Fitzgerald, Sara Graham, MaryAnn Johanson, Roy Kasten, Jaime Lees, Joseph Hess, Kevin Korinek, Bob McMahon, Lauren Milford, Nicholas Phillips, Tef Poe, Christian Schaeffer Proofreader Evie Hemphill Editorial Interns Ella Faust, Caroline Groff, Ronald Wagner

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

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E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein Creative Director Tom Carlson www.euclidmediagroup.com

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N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

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HARTMANN Code Red St. Louis angles to bring back its traffic-camera scam Written By

RAY HARTMANN

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he curiosity of the city of St. Louis seems boundless.

While we wait breathlessly to see whether Shadow Mayor Rex Sinquefield’s multimilliondollar inquiry into whether airportprivatization is a good idea — an undertaking we all recognize as impartial even though it’s one of his libertarian world’s top priorities and he only gets much of the money back if the answer is “yes” — the city is now embarking on another quest of purely intellectual intrigue: Should it reinstate red-light traffic cameras?

It was announced last week that the city Street Department is soliciting proposals from private compa-

nies to reinstate the cameras, which were shut down in 2015 when the Missouri Supreme Court rightly found them unconstitutional because of the assumption that the owner of the car was operating the vehicle when it allegedly ran a red light.

But the court ruling wasn’t unconditional and appeared to offer this caveat: The cameras might be permissible if they could clearly identify the driver’s face. It did not weigh in on the widely held view by citizens — say, the 73 percent margin in St. Charles County that voted to ban the cameras in 2014 — that the cameras were all about raising cash, not lowering accidents.

But now Mayor Lyda Krewson, whose flush city couldn’t possibly be concerned about silly revenues, has decided to embark on an innocent, objective inquiry into whether reengaging one of the handful of giant red-camera companies — only one of which has had a former CEO imprisoned for bribery in Chicago and Columbus, Ohio — might somehow

makes us all safer.

Here’s how she explained it to St. Louis Post-Dispatch: “This isn’t about revenue at all; it’s about how we can have safer streets,” she said. “Anybody who drives up and down Kingshighway or Grand, or Gravois or Natural Bridge, sees the speeding and redlight running.

The daily added, “Krewson and her director of operations, Todd Waelterman, emphasized that a decision to bring back the cameras has yet to be made. That will depend on their cost and other factors.”

If you believe a word of those two paragraphs, you might also be interested in visiting the website: www. buytheGatewayArch.com.

Mayor Krewson could have far more credibility had she inverted her statement thusly: “This isn’t about safety at all; it’s about how we can raise lots of new revenue from our streets.”

A wide range of studies and articles, from U.S. Public Interest Research Group to Case Western

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Reserve University (among other academic institutions) to the Virginia Transportation Research Council to the Florida Public Health Review to the Scientific American have all reached pretty much the same conclusion: Red-light cameras, which often prompt motorists to slam on the brakes, cause more accidents (especially rear-enders) than they prevent. You can see at least twenty links to such studies at www.motorists.org.

As an example, AAA Michigan, working with Detroit city engineers, tested enlarging traffic-light lenses, re-striping left-turn lanes, re-timing traffic signals and adding an all-red clearance interval (leaving both sides with a red light for a second or two while the signals are changing).

The result: 47 percent fewer crashes and 50 percent fewer injuries.

That sounds like good news. Then again, if yours is a city — or a trafficlight contractor — that rakes in more revenue the more people run red lights, it’s not so great for business

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HARTMANN

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when fewer people violate the law.

The common-sense idea of clearing an intersection by having motorists in all directions looking at a red light for two seconds (or maybe even three) is something we’ve never seen the city of St. Louis try, despite its rightful concern about bad driving. But whether it’s that answer or longer yellow lights or better signage or more visible lights (metal backing can reduce glare from the sun) or any of a number of other technical steps, if safety is the real concern, those ought to be exhausted — or even tried — before bringing back the nice people with the red-light cameras.

American Traffic Solutions (ATS) the Tuscon-based giant that was the city’s former red-light-camera provider, is known for hiring armies of lobbyists who not only influence state and local politicians, but also advance such counter intuitive narratives as one the company specifically published arguing against longer yellow light timing. Indeed, in multiple cities, red-light camera companies have been caught reducing yellow-light intervals for profit and for taking down cameras from intersections that don’t provide enough revenue.

Of course, we all know that politicians in the St. Louis region are immune from the influence of lobbyists, especially the Board of Aldermen, which must approve the reinstatement of cameras. And we also know that other concerns about red-light-camera tickets, such as the delays and inefficiencies of notifying people of traffic lawbreaking by snail mail — as opposed to the writing of a ticket by an actual, eye-witness police officer — could not possibly pose a problem in a city government known for its flawless and streamlined administrative processes.

Whatever.

To be fair, maybe red-light cameras would be a cash cow for the city. If you don’t mind the detail that the revenues are a dramatically regressive source of revenue that disproportionately victimizes poor people whose food budget might be crushed by the $100-or-larger fines and who don’t have access to lawyers who can get the tickets reduced to non-point violations (thus avoiding increased insurance premiums), then no worries.

In fact, if the Krewson administration would like to own up to the reality that this is all about cash, then maybe there’s a debate to be had. But it has to be an honest one.

How dare I question the city’s

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“If the Krewson administration would like to own up to the reality that this is all about cash, then maybe there’s a debate to be had.” candor? Well, consider what ATS officials said back in 2015 when the Missouri Supreme Court issued the ruling that the practice of ticketing the owners of cars without identifying them was unconstitutional.

Here’s its statement, as reported by St. Louis Public Radio: “(The rulings) upheld the validity of using photo and video evidence in the enforcement of speeding and red-light running violations and the company looks forward to helping cities develop ordinances that comply with today’s rulings.”

Now that sounds pretty confident, doesn’t it? But Waelterman, in addressing the aldermen, made it sound like this was just a cautious inquiry because who could possibly know if these beleaguered companies could deal with the new rules?

“We don’t know if it will be fruitful or not,” Waelterman told the aldermanic Streets Committee on Tuesday, according to the Post-Dispatch. “We think there’s about half a dozen vendors that will probably bid on this thing.

“They’ve got some very tough rules now to make this work,” Waelterman said. “We now ... have to identify the driver, we’ve got to recognize their face, an officer has to prove that (they’re) in the car and they’ll wind up getting (penalty) points on their license.”

I’ll bet ATS (among other companies) is just shaking in its designer boots waiting to see if it could possibly adopt to the new rules. And they’re probably even more uncertain whether anyone will give access to their lobbyists.

I’ve got an idea for the Krewson administration while we’re all waiting in suspense. Try implementing some four-way traffic pauses and other proven safety measures if you’re really worried about saving lives. Get back to the public on the results.

Then let’s talk about the city’s upcoming payday. n

NEWS

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Improved ‘Vibe’ at Jail?

Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

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hat exactly is a “prison vibe”? Whatever it is, the members of a grand jury said they didn’t feel it during a recent tour of the notorious St. Louis Workhouse, a jail facility which has been repeatedly sued and subject to accusations of hellish conditions for an inmate population composed almost entirely of people awaiting trial for non-violent offenses.

In a tweet last week, St. Louis Mayor Lyda Krewson highlighted the “interesting” findings related to the facility officially known as Medium Security Institution, or MSI. “Take a look at what the jurors had to say after going on tours of the two [St. Louis City] correctional facilities,” the mayor tweeted, embedding passages from a report’s description of the Workhouse as “professionally run, “lean” and “transformed.”

The account of the grand jury’s tour acknowledged that the facility had been subject to “years of bad press due to poor conditions,” but then it went on to claim that the jail’s “current reality” was nothing like that.

“From the days where over 800 inmates were housed in overcrowded conditions, using all available space, it was explained that the MSI and the courts had worked to cut the number of inmates in half,” the report said. “It is still a pale of incarceration, but does not convey a ‘prison’ vibe.”

The report itself un-bylined; rather, its conclusions are presented as the collective impressions of the twelve jurors and four alternates serving on the grand jury, which was empaneled by the the 22nd Judicial Circuit for a threemonth term that started in August.

(In general, the role of a grand jury is similar to regular jury duty, but unlike a trial jury, a grand jury does not deliver a verdict on a defendant’s guilt. Instead, its rules on whether prosecutors have justified bringing formal charges, or an indictment, against someone

St. Louis’ Workhouse jail has been described as “unspeakably hellish.” | DANNY WICENTOWSKI

accused of a crime.)

Amid all that stuff, the grand jury members were also treated to tours of various city facilities, including the Workhouse.

But for attorneys who have spent years representing clients confined there — confined, that is, not because they’ve been convicted, but just because they can’t afford to pay bail — the report’s conclusion rang as bizarre and inaccurately upbeat.

“They’re talking about a facility completely different than the one we’ve seen,” says Jacqueline Kutnik-Bauder, the Managing Attorney for Civil Rights and Systemic Litigation at ArchCity Defenders, the non-profit law firm which in 2017 filed a federal class action lawsuit that alleged the Workhouse traps its inmates in “unspeakably hellish” conditions, which include insect infestation, black mold and sweltering temperatures.

“We are currently in litigation over the conditions in the Workhouse. We have not received anything to suggest that massive repairs have taken place,” Kutnik-Bauder adds. “And saying it doesn’t have a ‘prison vibe’? It has

cells that lock. This is so inconsistent with our information.”

ArchCity’s 2017 suit wasn’t the first time the Workhouse had been sued over its conditions — a 2013 suit described guards forcing inmates into “gladiator-style combat” — but that year proved to be a turning point for the controversial facility: At the time, it often held around 800 prisoners within its cell blocks, which were constructed more than 50 years ago and lacked air conditioning.

That same summer of 2017, during a heat wave that sent temperatures well over 100 degrees, prisoners were filmed shouting through the windows as they begged for relief from the heatbaked facility.

The outcry resulted in a temporary fix in the form industrial A/C units hooked up to the jail’s windows, but the controversy also spurred protests and a new coalition organized under the Close the Workhouse campaign. Its backers argued that the city should end the aging facility’s operations altogether, which would allow the city to reallocate the facility’s $16 million annual operating budget

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to more effective forms of public safety.

Two years later, the Workhouse’s population is indeed drastically smaller than it was in 2017 — as of November 22, the city lists 280 inmates in the facility. St. Louis’ second jail facility, the City Justice Center downtown, holds another 621.

But while the grand jury report explained only that “MSI and the courts had worked to cut the number of inmates in half,” Mike Milton, who runs the St. Louis office of The Bail Project, maintains that the decrease shouldn’t be boiled down to a city accomplishment.

“We’ve bailed out 1,300 people alone out of the Workhouse,” Milton tells the Riverfront Times, and he notes that groups like Action STL deserve credit for establishing the “revolving bail model” that’s allowed activists to bail out around 80 inmates every month — people who wouldn’t otherwise be able to afford to pay the price of their freedom.

“We’ve seen the tremendous impact that’s had on the Workhouse, and it’s really the community’s

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‘VIBE’ AT JAIL Continued from pg 9

work,” he says.

It wasn’t just a matter of the report awarding credit for the Workhouse’s declining population. In response to Krewson’s tweet last week, Milton replied with a tweet of his own, describing a client with “cancer, HIV and severe depression” who had “barely been treated for any of it” but couldn’t come up with a $1,000 bail.

Milton’s tweet concluded, “Nothing professional, clean, or transformative about that. Also, who cut the jail pop in half?”

In his interview with the RFT, Milton said he was “pretty shocked” to see Krewson raise

Man Made Girlfriend Drink Bleach, Cops Say Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

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n armed St. Peters man beat his pregnant girlfriend, held her against her will and forced her to drink toilet water mixed with bleach, authorities say.

Ronnie Howard, 41, was charged last week with kidnapping, domestic assault and unlawful use of a weapon.

St. Peters police say the twenty-year-old woman called a relative on November 20 using FaceTime and told her Howard had attacked her. On the video call, the relative could see the woman’s face was scratched and one of her front teeth was chipped so she called another person, who called police.

But finding the woman wasn’t easy. She had recently moved to St. Peters, and her family didn’t know the exact address. When a relative called back, with a St. Peters officer listening, Howard grew angry, police say.

“Bitch, stop calling my number before I put a bullet in her head,”

the issue in the form of a tweet.

He questioned her framing of the grand jury’s impressions as proof positive of the facility’s progress, and suggested, “It was like she was saying, ‘See? I told you it wasn’t so bad.’”

In fact, both Milton and ArchCity’s Kutnik-Bauder argue that the big changes to St. Louis’ criminal justice system haven’t come from Krewson or jail officials, but from a combination of court reforms, activist pressure and the intervention of higher legal authorities: For instance, in January of this year, the Missouri Supreme Court issued sweeping guidelines to reform the state’s cash-bail system, which critics compared to a systems of debtor’s prisons.

Those reforms, too, had fol-

lowed litigation and activist pressure. Also in January, ArchCity filed a class action lawsuit targeting the city’s bail practices, alleging the policy had resulted in the city’s thousands of pre-trial detainees spending an average of 291 days behind bars.

For Milton, it’s all that missing context that makes the grand jury’s report of a “transformed” Workhouse so baffling. He rejects the description of the “improved” facilities and lack of “prison vibe.” He says the report just doesn’t fit the reality that his clients face behind the barbed wire fences and barred windows.

“You could paint the walls and make it prettier,” Milton notes, “but the Workhouse is not safe.

People are still being held unconstitutionally.” n

She told the detective Howard had repeatedly threatened to kill her.

When police interviewed Howard, he claimed he didn’t own a gun and had never abused the woman. He said her dad had called, threatening to kill him for dating his daughter.

Ronnie Howard faces multiple felonies.| ST. CHARLES COUNTY JAIL After that phone call, Howard told police, he and the Howard said, according to police. woman went to Walmart to buy The woman told her relative things for the baby. He claimed that Howard made her drink the woman’s family made up the bleach from the toilet, punched story about him forcing her to her in the head, cracked her drink bleach.

But police say a search of womtooth and put a gun to her head and cocked it, according to a an’s apartment supported her probable cause statement. He al- story and poked holes in Howlegedly took her phone away af- ard’s. The St. Peters detective wrote in his report that he found ter she called for help.

Police began “pinging” How- the gun the woman said Howard ard’s phone — a method of trac- used to threaten her as well as a ing the location — and tracked September 2019 receipt in Howhim to a Walmart on Junger- ard’s name for a second gun.

Police also noted water in the mann Road. St. Peters officers passed the information to St. toilet was blue from cleaning Charles County police, who re- chemicals, matching what the sponded to the store. Witnesses woman had told them.

Howard was jailed on $300,000 told officers that Howard ran cash-only bail. Police noted he has north after spotting police.

St. Charles cops took him into a long criminal history out of state custody near the store, and the for kidnapping, assault by stranwoman was taken by ambulance gulation, assault with a deadly to Mercy Hospital. At the hospi- weapon, assault with a firearm tal, she told a St. Peters detective and stealing a motor vehicle.

Public records show numerous that Howard had been abusing her for months and she was criminal cases in North Carolina, scared of what he would do if she where Howard lived before moving to the St. Louis area. n tried to leave him.

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Ex-Con Charged in Football Star’s Death Written by

DOYLE MURPHY

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St. Louis man with a long criminal record has been charged with manslaughter after a high-speed car crash that killed a former standout football player from Vashon High School.

Cory Robinson, 35, was driving a Dodge Challenger on October 4, speeding along North Broadway when he tried to pass 24-year-old Derrick Mitchell Jr., police say.

Robinson clipped Mitchell’s rear bumper, sending the former running back’s vehicle careening into oncoming traffic, where he was hit by another car, police say.

Mitchell, who suffered a ruptured aorta, was taken to Barnes-Jewish Hospital, where he died on October 7.

After Vashon, he had played college football at the University of Iowa.

Police say the fatal crash was Cory Robinson | COURTESY caught on video, ST. LOUIS CORRECTIONS and they found the abandoned Dodge a few blocks away. Inside the car, they discovered paperwork belonging to Robinson. An analysis of the Challenger’s vehicle recorder data showed it had been going 70 miles per hour in a 35 mph zone, according to charging documents filed on Monday.

Police believe the ex-con fled the scene on foot. A witness told investigators they saw him outside the Dodge shortly after the wreck, and police say Robinson told another person he had banged up the Challenger while trying to pass someone that night.

Robinson’s record includes convictions for weapons possession, assault and drugs.

A month after the crash that killed Mitchell, he was arrested on robbery charges following a high-speed chase. Police say he forced his way into a woman’s home in the WellsGoodfellow neighborhood on November 10, pushed her down and shot into the floor.

The woman told police he grabbed her TV and iPhone and threatened to kill her if she didn’t let him leave. She provided investigators with his license plate number, and officers found a bullet hole in the floor along with a 9mm shell casing.

A police officer later spotted Robinson and wrote in his report that the 35-year-old sped off when he tried to pull him over. Robinson drove at speeds of 70-80 mph, cutting through traffic before he crashed in a cemetery, police say.

He reportedly admitted taking the TV when they caught him, but he denied stealing it or using a gun. According to a probable cause statement, he admitted fleeing police was “stupid.” n

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CO

labor The restaurant industry is famously grueling.

Four top chefs describe what it’s like when you add parenthood to the mix

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en days after undergoing a C-section, Samanatha Mitchell was back to selling burgers out of the window of her food truck. As a successful chef and entrepreneur, Mitchell is uncompromising and ambitious, characteristics that have served her well with her business, Farmtruk. Yet those same qualities are also what led Mitchell to return to work well before she was ready.

It was June 2018, and Mitchell was determined to make sure Farmtruk didn’t experience a slump due to her absence during its busiest season. Her truck doesn’t have air conditioning, which meant that Mitchell would not just be on her feet for hours on end in a tin-can-sized kitchen shortly after a major surgery, but there would be no relief from the 95°F heat outside.

“I did Food Truck Friday because I told myself that I’m not going to miss any of them, just to be stubborn, and so I didn’t, but I ended up getting an infection in my C-section, and they almost had to recut my incision back open,”

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Mitchell recalls. “I couldn’t close down my business in the middle of one of our busiest months.

The winters are hard with a food truck, and we don’t make any money; we spend money. So I was like, ‘Nope, we’re doing it.’

And my staff is great; they ran the truck without me, but it’s also my baby and I had to get back. It’s my other kid.”

The struggle to find a worklife balance is one that touches all working parents in every industry, but the restaurant business presents unique challenges: constantly working on your feet, shifts that run twelve hours or more, clocking out at 1 or 2 a.m.

The pay is sometimes low, and medical benefits and child care support are rare. One of the chefs interviewed for this story relayed that a colleague often feels like a single dad, as his partner works a 9-to-5 job forcing the couple to parent almost exclusively on opposite schedules.

“There’s an ego and selfishness to this career, and that’s the hardest part for me in being a parent:

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You can’t be selfish, but being a chef is selfish,” Mitchell says. “You work long hours, you work holidays, weekends, and not for the pay — it’s because you love it. It’s all about you; it’s all about me doing my food and kicking ass. It’s a very selfish lifestyle.”

In recent years, the profile of the St. Louis food scene has risen considerably, with national publications lauding area restaurants like Vicia, Balkan Treat Box and Grace Meat + Three — all co-owned by women — and one wonders how many tourism dollars are funneled through the city as a result. This is something that we as diners don’t often consider before booking a reservation at the newest restaurant in town or complaining about slow service on Yelp: the emotional, physical and mental toll that this demanding work takes on the men and women who make the restaurant industry possible. For women working in the business, these challenges and sacrifices are usually even greater — but the alter-

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COSTS Farmtruk’s Samantha Mitchell. | RONALD WAGNER

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Mary Bogacki in the kitchen at Yolklore. | RONALD WAGNER

LABOR COSTS Continued from pg 12

native for many is unthinkable, not to mention unfair.

“I went back to work way too early and I paid for it,” Mitchell says. “The recovery and having to slow down is hard because I’m not one to ever slow down; I just go, go, go, and I’m very impatient.

I want to be able to do everything and I can’t. For me, not being able to bounce back and be myself right away is extremely disheartening and hard. But I couldn’t imagine, no matter how hard it gets ... I still could never see myself doing anything else ever.” ***

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n September, Bon Appétit magazine published a story about lauded chef Katianna Hong, who was the first woman to work as a chef de cuisine at a

three-Michelin-starred restaurant in America. After earning that distinction at the Restaurant at Meadowood in St. Helena, California, Hong successfully opened its sister restaurant, the Charter Oak, in Napa, to rave reviews. So it was fairly shocking when, in July, Hong announced that she was leaving the restaurant for good following her maternity leave.

“I’ve been thinking about this question with my husband John Hong for a while now: ‘What are we going to do next?’ But once I became pregnant, we began asking ourselves another question: ‘How are we going to still be chefs and start a family?’” Hong told the magazine. “I was always adamant that my career came first.

To think about potentially throwing that away seemed scary. I honestly had no idea how someone could do both.

“I haven’t worked with a lot of women in general, and the only women who were pregnant or

had kids were always working in the office — never the kitchen.

But there are tons of women who do this and have families and are successful. Nicole Krasinski. Karen Shields. Dominique Crenn. For me to think that it wasn’t possible, I had to call my own bullshit.”

Hong’s solution was to work at the Charter Oak through as much of her pregnancy as she could before leaving — in the end, eight months — and then to eventually open her own restaurant with her husband. Working for almost her entire pregnancy taught Hong to feel more “entitled to things” such as working eight-hour days instead of fifteen and staying hydrated. “It empowered me to care for myself,” she says.

Before her pregnancy, Hong says that she viewed chefs who prioritized family and work-life balance as “not really committed.” Having experienced the stress and demands of pregnancy herself, her perspective shifted.

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“Being pregnant changed things for me in terms of how I approached my work,” Hong said.

“It made me want to improve the quality of life for my cooks. I became more sympathetic to other employees who had things going on. Before at the Charter Oak, I’d get angry and want stuff done a certain way. There wasn’t an awareness for others.”

Hong’s fame allows her the platform to talk about these issues on a national stage, but for many chefs, the choice to take a step back, even if temporarily, isn’t an option financially. Balancing the strain and challenges of pregnancy is even tougher for people who aren’t leading kitchens, running the joint or both — although being a chefowner certainly comes with its own unique set of obstacles.

Since becoming a mother in April 2018, Mary Bogacki has wrestled with many of the same struggles as Hong, adjusting ex-

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LABOR COSTS Continued from pg 15

HAPPY HOUR

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pectations and goals for herself as well as for Yolklore, the Crestwoodbreakfast restaurant she operates with her husband, John. For the Bogackis, there was no break — if one of them stayed home, the other had to pick up the slack.

“I just want to be thought of as a good chef,” Mary says. “It doesn’t have anything to do with being a male or female, and I hope it gets to that point, for sure, but I think there’s definitely added stress of having kids and finding a worklife balance as a woman. And not feeling bad about that as a parent and a functioning workaholic ...

Letting go of that guilty feeling.

Really this whole year has been figuring out how to be OK with it and how messed up that is.”

Before opening Yolklore in 2016, the husband-and-wife team had been working as chefs for almost a decade. Their careers advanced in tandem after graduating from Forest Park Community College’s Culinary Arts program within a few years of each other.

Mary eventually landed a coveted gig as the pastry chef at the Four Seasons Hotel St. Louis, and John worked the line at Old Warson Country Club and behind the butcher counter at Bolyard’s Meat & Provisions. Mary remembers watching friends who she and John graduated with slowly start to exit the industry. Many were new mothers.

“Even though men and women generally start their careers at the same time, if women get pregnant, they go on leave, focus on taking care of the baby and often the husband goes back to work and really doesn’t miss a beat,” Bogacki says. “Depending on how many kids you have, men have more time to build their careers and be able to advance further and more quickly, and women are playing catch up. At the end of the day, [women] still have to carry this baby and physically and emotionally go through a process that men never will.”

The couple welcomed their daughter Margot in April 2018, with Mary working up until the day she gave birth. Margot was born three weeks early, which threw the Bogackis off a tightly calibrated schedule. “Luckily, I could work through my pregnancy, but it was really hard, especially near the end, and luckily I had a smooth delivery,” Mary says.

“I always thought [Margot] was going to come early because I’m walking around all day and it’s a

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lot to carry.”

Less than twelve hours after giving birth, the husband and wife were back to work, submitting payroll for their employees so as to not miss the weekly deadline.

Mary took five weeks of maternity leave following the delivery, so John worked full-time at the restaurant and helped take care of Margot when he got home. Like so many new parents, the couple were barely sleeping. Mary slept from 8 p.m. until midnight while John watched Margot. He’d then try to get some rest between midnight and 4 a.m., when he had to get up to go to work. Meanwhile, Mary was struggling to adjust to her new reality as a parent.

“After [you give birth], the part that everyone failed to mention to me is that mentally you’ve changed,” Mary says. “It’s the mental switch from going from being pregnant one day to not being pregnant. Yes, Margot is a year and a half old, but to me, she’s a year and a half plus nine months.

You are in charge of her from the time you find out you’re pregnant, and that’s nine months that dad will never have. Dad is never going to comprehend what it feels like; men just can’t. And after [you give birth], it’s a mental shift; just because you had the baby doesn’t mean you snap back to your life before pregnancy. You’re not the same.”

Mary is quick to mention how supportive and helpful John has been as a business partner and parent; if they weren’t both experienced and invested in the same industry, she says, the challenges they’ve faced would have been much harder. The balance they’ve struck at work is that Mary is more focused on menu development and working the line daily while John manages overall operations and administration.

“The business is a part of our lives, but it’s not our entire lives,” Mary says. “We really try to respect our life and why we’re here, not just the restaurant.”

Like the Bogackis, Marie-Anne Velasco can’t imagine balancing work and home life without the support of a partner who is also in the restaurant industry. As executive chef of Nudo House in Creve Coeur and the Delmar Loop, Velasco works day shifts in order to balance out her husband, Eric Kessler, who works evenings in hospitality at Cinder House.

“I was married before to a business executive, and that did not work,” Velasco says. “It didn’t work because it was a different lifestyle; our ideals weren’t the same, our schedules weren’t the

Marie-Anne Velasco. | THEO WELLING same. It was not a compatible relationship. Having someone who understands 100 percent and is 100 percent part of it is key.”

Working opposite schedules is tough, Velasco says, but she and Kessler try to carve out one day a week of family time with their sons Joaquin, nine, and Hudson, five. Still, the couple has employed a nanny for the past eight years as well as a house cleaner to ensure that everything runs smoothly in their absence. “I feel I work to pay off the payroll for the house,” Velasco says. “We’ve had a nanny ever since my oldest was one year old, because between my husband and I’s schedule, there are gaps, and somebody has to take care of the kids, love the kids and be the kind of parent that we wish we could be when we’re not home.”

When Velasco first got pregnant a decade ago, she transitioned from cooking in a fine-dining restaurant to working as an instructor at a culinary school. The hours, pay and benefits were all preferable as a culinary instructor, and Velasco enjoyed the work, but she knew her destiny was to return to a restaurant kitchen

someday. Still, she says that transitioning from twelve-plus hour days, seven days a week to 50 hours, four days a week felt necessary to “start a life.”

“I originally didn’t plan on having kids because I was working in fine-dining restaurants, and that was just one of the sacrifices I was going to put on myself,” Velasco says. “I wanted to do fine dining for an endless amount of time and just knowing the pay, first of all, and the hours and the sacrifice of working fine dining — it’s not just a job, it’s your life. I don’t think it’s as heavy a burden [on fathers].

Unfortunately dads, when they go back to the kitchen, will always have more to give because they don’t have to breastfeed; they don’t have to wean their bodies off babies. They don’t have to deal with postpartum depression.”

When Velasco met Kessler, though, she saw a future for herself that had previously seemed improbable if not impossible.

“I just so happened to meet Eric while we were working at the Chase Park Plaza, and I thought, ‘Maybe having a family would be awesome with this person,’” she says. “I don’t think I would have

been able to be pregnant, take time off and have the stresses of being a new mom and working in a kitchen for at least the first year.”

Having that little extra time and support at work proved crucial for her during her first pregnancy, which required bedrest due to complications. Her oldest son was delivered via an emergency C-section. While recovering from surgery and navigating first-time parenthood with her husband, Velasco faced another immediate challenge.

“My oldest had a really difficult time gaining weight and eating, which was crazy to me, because I’m a chef,” she says. “He wouldn’t eat, he was colicky, so he wouldn’t sleep. I couldn’t nourish him, and it drove me crazy. Neither of us were sleeping, so we were both out of our wits.”

During this time, Velasco also describes a feeling of detachment from herself and others and going through a bit of an identity crisis.

At the urging of her husband, she went to the doctor and was diagnosed with postpartum depression, which affects about 3 million women in the United States each

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year.

“It sent me into a crazy postpartum depression that I didn’t know was going to happen,” Velasco says. “I’d read about it, I’d heard about it, but I didn’t really know that I was going through it until my husband sat me down and was like, ‘Are you OK?’ I just didn’t feel like myself; I felt like I was going nuts. It’s crazy for someone who is in control all the time to lose that control. And then not really having a sense of identity. It was like, ‘Is this me as a mom? This isn’t my chef self; this isn’t me.’”

When Velasco became pregnant with her second child, she was still working as a culinary instructor in Chicago but the itch to return to full-time restaurant work had not subsided. Velasco and family intended to eventually move to St. Louis to help open Nudo House, but the grand opening date was a year or two off.

“I still worked in restaurants [in Chicago] over the weekends because I was researching for Nudo,” Velasco says. “I was pregnant, and I was going in and staging in different restaurants — because I can’t stay away from

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LABOR COSTS Continued from pg 17

restaurants. Even though I was teaching, I was still walking into restaurants and asking if I could come in that weekend and work, because it’s Chicago ... How can you not? You’ve got some of the best restaurants there.”

The couple were advised to list their condo for sale despite not intending to move right away, just in case the process took longer than expected. When their condo sold much faster than they anticipated, however, the family found themselves packing up and making the move about two weeks after Hudson was born. Velasco was able to transfer to teaching at a culinary school in the St. Louis area while working alongside Nudo House owner Qui Tran to further develop the menu and concept.

“That first month there was almost no time to feel postpartum depression; it was just crazy, crazy, crazy,” Velasco remembers.

“But I had postpartum depression with both children. I think it’s also my perfectionism that made it so hard for me to go back to work and be a mom; it was so hard to do everything at the same time. ‘Why can’t I keep up? I can normally keep up!’ It was a really crazy mindfuck. You just have to survive; you have to cope.”

For the first two years after moving to St. Louis, Velasco and Kessler juggled their respective work schedules — her working from 4 a.m. to 3 p.m. at the culinary school and him working from 4 p.m. until well after midnight. They’d trade the kids in the hour between their shifts. After Nudo opened in July 2017, the couple hired a full-time nanny for both children.

Thinking back on that time now, Velasco says that the opportunity to build something at Nudo and to return to restaurant work — work where she’d found the most fulfillment over the years — helped carry her through the chaos.

“The creativity is the fulfillment,” Velasco says. “The fulfillment is the rush during service.

I catered for a little bit and there was no rush and it wasn’t fulfilling to me. The fulfillment is having the success of Nudo at the end of the day, having the joy of making and serving a bowl of ramen and having people say, ‘That was the best soup I’ve ever had.’ All that blood, sweat and tears makes someone else happy.

“My mom still doesn’t get it — I’ve been cooking for 25 years and she still says, ‘I don’t understand

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why you do this. Why do you want to make strangers happy and you’re not home for your kids?’

It’s because I can’t imagine doing anything else. It’s our identity.”

At Nudo, Velasco has found not only career fulfillment but also a second support system.

“You’ve got to have your support at home, but you also have to have a support system at work,” Velasco says. “Just having the right staff to know who you can count on is No. 1. Being Qui’s No. 2 is great but I, myself, have to have a No. 2 as well to keep me sane. It’s really comforting to know that everyone at Nudo understands how important quality and service is to us.” ***

A

bout six months after Margot was born, a tired and rundown Mary Bogacki contacted Katie Collier, another St. Louis chef and restaurateur who had recently given birth.

“She reached out to me and was like, ‘Help! How do I do this?’” Collier remembers. “And I was like, ‘Girl, I don’t know. I can’t do it either.’”

Mary, a self-described “functioning workaholic,” saw some of herself in Collier. Before Collier’s daughter, Nadia, was born in September 2018, she would regularly spend more than fourteen hours a day at one of her two locations of Katie’s Pizza & Pasta Osteria. Since giving birth, Collier has taken a step back from her breakneck schedule, embracing the need to delegate and trust the teams at both of her locations.

She still develops and helps curate the menus and mentors her managers, checking in with both locations daily, but she’s had to create boundaries to balance being a stay-at-home mom and an entrepreneur.

“This change from being an aggressive businessperson to then being pulled totally away from that was very scary,” Collier says.

“I was scared that the business would fail without me and that my career was over. That all goes through your head, but you’re also in mother mode, so I was just super conflicted. I’m sure other people have different experiences, but for some reason, that sharp change from working 70 hours a week to then taking care of myself was very scary. It forced me to really change how I run businesses, lead, create menus and all kinds of things. I had no choice but to adapt in order to survive both of those things.”

Shortly after Nadia was born, she experienced health compli-

NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 3, 2019

cations that lasted for about five months and disrupted her sleep schedule — something already precarious for a newborn. Collier describes her first six months postpartum as incredibly difficult for her and her husband, Ted, a visual artist and entrepreneur. “I forgot I had restaurants for a minute,” Collier says. “The reason I’m still in business is that I kind of set myself up prior ... I had faith in the people I’d hired to do their jobs and just let them do it. It was kind of cool that I had a tough pregnancy because it forced me to set the business up without me early on before the birth happened. I don’t know how the businesses would have reacted had I not set everything up prior.”

Once Nadia was healthy and sleeping regularly, Collier considered enrolling her in day care so that she could return to work — she doesn’t have family who can help with child care, as they work in her business — but ultimately decided to stay home with her, even if just for a few years. She is still working daily but now mostly from home.

“I decided that I wanted to enjoy this time with her because it is so short, and I’m old — I might not have another [child]. It took us like seven years to have her, so the idea that this is kind of it. ... I decided to sacrifice my career a little bit so that I could spend that time with her. And that’s a tough decision that I still battle with every day.

That battle and the consequences of both choices is really daunting.”

As a restaurateur and operator, Collier says her pregnancy and subsequent leave from on-site work has opened her eyes even more to the challenges that working parents face.

“The entire time I was pregnant and the minute I had [Nadia], thinking back to all these women who had done this and how strong they were, it just blew my mind what some people do to support their families,” Collier says. “I always had compassion for that, but now I really feel it, and you want to do whatever you can to make them feel comfortable and know that there is, especially at our company, the ability to take time if they need it.”

Like so many small restaurants, Katie’s Pizza & Pasta Osteria is not profitable enough to offer its employees’ health care. (None of the owners interviewed for this story cover their employees health care for the same reason.) To offset the burden of cost for health care for her employees, Collier currently pays staff a higher wage — yet as the business grows, she’s hopeful

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that she’ll be able to offer employees medical benefits as well. “The cool thing about growth is that then you can start to fold that in,” Collier says. “So by the third restaurant, we’ll be able to do that.”

Collier is currently in the real estate process for her third location of Katie’s, which will require her to forge a new balance between work and home. “Opening something, you cannot hand any of those duties off, because you’ve got to figure it all out — the location, permits, paperwork, getting funded, designing the kitchen and the space. That’s all the stuff that you can’t compromise on. That’s definitely going to be an adjustment again once that gets into full swing.”

For Samantha Mitchell of Farmtruk, health care means maintaining four different plans, one for every member of her family.

“I personally applied for Medicaid government assistance, and my husband has Obamacare,”

Katie Collier. | COURTESY KATIE COLLIER

Mitchell says. “He pays full price, and I’m on a pregnant woman’s program through Missouri, which means that I will have health care while I’m pregnant and for 60 days postpartum, and then they drop me and I have zero health care. My kids are each on their own plans.”

Soon, Mitchell and her husband, Justin, will have to figure out a fifth health care plan: In April, Mitchell will give birth to a little boy, the couple’s third child after Gaia, five, and Sage, seventeen months.

“And then my husband is having a vasectomy,” Mitchell laughs.

“The prime of my career just happens to coincide with my child-birthing years, and this is a commitment that I made to my husband and myself that this is something we wanted to do in life.

So guess what, we’re going to figure it out. I need to get a minivan or something with a third row, and I’m pretty bummed about that. I’ll have three car seats at one time; that’s so gross to me.”

When Mitchell got pregnant with Gaia, she was one of three sous chefs at Annie Gunn’s. She recalls how supportive the entire staff was with her, including executive chef Lou Rook, but returning to the line postpartum still was not easy.

“I breastfed both of my daughters,” Mitchell says. “So there’s the challenge of being at work at say, Annie Gunn’s, and I’m working the line in the middle of a Saturday night rush to the point where my breasts are engorged. I have to jump off the line and hop into an employee bathroom and pump my breast milk in the middle of the

shift so I don’t get an infection.”

Now pregnant for the third time in six years, life at home is only getting busier — but Mitchell won’t be slowing down at work.

By summer, she’s hoping to expand Farmtruk with a second truck so that the business can cover both St. Louis city and St. Louis County at the same time.

Farmtruk recently celebrated its first season as a vendor at Enterprise Center, which Mitchell says is “kicking ass,” and she’s hoping to open a brick-and-mortar restaurant in the future.

On occasion, you may see Gaia and Sage aboard Farmtruk or behind the scenes at Mitchell’s catering events around town. Although they’re too young to help out right now, Mitchell is proud to show her customers the family behind the business that they’re supporting.

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“My kids enjoy people, and people enjoy seeing the kids,” Mitchell says. “I think [a food truck] was the right path to be able to do it on my own terms. I didn’t want to disappoint myself or anyone else based on my commitment, but if it’s my own thing, I can make my own rules. And I wanted to do my own food. We took a leap of faith, which I think was the only way.

“To me, this is just the industry and I’m very lucky to have found a partner in life who is very supportive of it, but it’s really hard.

I think this industry is hard for anyone — male or female — with families. It’s not conventional, it’s not for the faint of heart. It’s a grind. If you’re not willing to pretty much give up the idea of a normal 9 to 5 existence, you shouldn’t do it. It’s just not what it is. You are a chef.” n

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CALENDAR

BY PAUL FRISWOLD

FRIDAY 11/29 Ol’ Christmas

Talia Suskauer in the North American tour of Wicked. | JOAN MARCUS

THURSDAY 11/28 Turkey Trot Thanksgiving is a tough holiday to celebrate outside of the home.

People expect to be feasted, and that’s a tall order for a public event. The Ameren Thanksgiving Day Parade is an interesting solution to that problem, opting instead for musical floats, giant he-

lium balloons and a baker’s dozen of high school marching bands from throughout the metro area.

It’s a great way to start your fourday weekend, especially if you can get the kids out of the house quietly so the partner who cooks can sleep in a little bit. The parade steps off at 8:45 a.m. Thursday, November 28, at Twentieth and Market streets (www.christmasinstlouis.com) and finishes with the arrival of Santa Claus, whose

Cirque Dreams Holidaze returns to the Fox Theatre. | COURTESY OF CIRQUE PRODUCTIONS

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solemn duty it is to usher in the month of Christmas.

FRIDAY 11/29 You Get A Nutcracker!

To satisfy the public’s demand for The Nutcracker, Saint Louis Ballet opens its annual run of Tchaikovsky’s most popular ballet on Black Friday — take that, big-box stores. The professional dancers of the company are joined by student dancers and special guests in surprise roles, and as always, the production will be bolstered by high-quality special effects and dazzling sets. Saint Louis Ballet presents The Nutcracker at 7 p.m. Friday and 2:30 and 7 p.m.

Saturday and Sunday (November 29 to December 1) at the Touhill Performing Arts Center on the University of Missouri-St. Louis campus (1 University Drive at Natural Bridge Road; www.stlouisballet.org).

The show continues at 7 p.m.

Thursday, 2:30 and 7 p.m. Friday, Saturday and Monday and at 2:30 p.m. Sunday (December 19 to 23).

Tickets are $25 to $72.

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This is a big year for St. Charles.

Not only is it the 250th anniversary of the city’s founding, it’s the 45th anniversary of St. Charles Christmas Traditions.

The streets of historic downtown St. Charles (South Main and Jackson streets, St. Charles; www. stcharleschristmas.com) will be transformed into a Victorian town straight out of Dickens, complete with its own Ebenezer Scrooge and Tiny Tim. Keep your eyes open for the Sugarplum Fairy, some wandering Santas and the happy Italian Christmas witch, La Befana. While you’re seeking out these festive friends, you can enjoy shopping, holiday carolers, a fife-and-drum corps and seasonal treats. St. Charles Christmas Traditions opens with a big brouhaha from 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. Friday, November 29. The fun resumes from 6 to 9 p.m. Wednesday and Friday, 10 a.m. to 9 p.m. Saturday and noon to 5 p.m. Sunday (November 30 to December 24). Admission is free.

SATURDAY 11/30 Jingle Bell Cirque Not everybody loves the 63 days of the holiday season — some of us need a Scrooge-busting shot of Christmas cheer to get in the mood to celebrate. That’s where Cirque Dreams Holidaze comes in. The touring production features talented cirque artists and Broadway performers in a show that blends the best of Vegas glitz with Great White Way magic. Toy soldiers, penguins, reindeer and gingerbread people contort themselves, swing from rings and perform acrobatics while singers offer twists on favorite carols such as “Jingle Bell Rock” and “Winter Wonderland.” Cirque Dreams Holidaze is presented at 4 and 8 p.m. Saturday and 11 a.m., 3 p.m. and 8 p.m. Sunday (November 29 and 30) at the Fox Theatre (527 North Grand Boulevard; www. fabulousfox.com). Tickets are $25 to $109.

WEEK OF NOVEMBER 27–DECEMBER 3

Saint Louis Ballet presents its annual performance of The Nutcracker. | PATT KREIDICH, COURTESY OF SAINT LOUIS BALLET

SUNDAY 12/01 No-Dance Nutcracker If you love Tchaikovsky’s score but aren’t really a fan of the ballet portions of The Nutcracker, the Saint Louis Symphony can help you out. The metro’s best big band performs the orchestral version of The Nutcracker at 8 p.m.

Friday and Saturday and 3 p.m.

Sunday (November 29 to December 1) at Powell Hall (718 North Grand Boulevard; www.slso.org), and there won’t be a dancer in sight. Violinist/conductor Andrew Garms wields the baton for these special holiday performances, which include special $10 tickets for children with the purchase of a full-price adult ticket ($15 to $117.50).

WEDNESDAY 12/04 Time to Get Wicked The Stephen Schwartz and Winnie Holzman musical Wicked

remains the single most popular show (contemporary division) in St. Louis, so it’s little wonder that the Fox Theatre would bring it back as a yuletide treat for audiences. Based on Gregory Maguire’s novel of the same title, Wicked reveals how the greenskinned outsider Elphaba and the popular girl Galinda became friends, and then the enemies known as the Wicked Witch of the West and Glinda, the Good Witch.

The show is performed Tuesday through Sunday (December 4 to 29; no show on Christmas Day) at the Fox Theatre (527 North Grand Boulevard; www.fabulousfox. com). Tickets are $49 to $229, and judging by past history, selling very quickly.

Planning an event, exhibiting your art or putting on a play? Let us know and we’ll include it in the Night & Day section or publish a listing in the online calendar — for free! Send details via e-mail (calendar@ riverfronttimes.com), fax (314-754-6416) or mail (6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130, attn: Calendar). Include the date, time, price, contact information and location (including ZIP code). Please submit information three weeks prior to the date of your event. No telephone submissions will be accepted. Find more events online at www.riverfronttimes.com.

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NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 3, 2019

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FEATURED DINING SEDARA SWEETS

SPONSORED CONTENT

6 RESTAURANTS YOU NEED TO CHECK OUT...

CLUSTER BUSTERS

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314.532.6508 8011 MACKENZIE RD AFFTON, MO 63123

314.297.8846 3636 PAGE BLVD ST. LOUIS, MO 63113

In May of 2019, Sedara Sweets joined the community of Affton. Sedara serves a variety of baked goods including fifteen types of baklava—both Iraqi and Turkish. Just like the name says, Sedara sells ice cream, using products from Wisconsin-based Cedar Crest, and milkshakes. The cafe offers a small savory menu featuring breakfast bread, falafel and shawarma sandwiches, with rotisserie versions of beef or chicken both on offer. Whether you are looking for something to satisfy your sweet tooth, or a new option for lunch and dinner, Sedara has you covered. “We want to have something for everybody” Sedara Sweets is both family owned and operated. They offer dine in and take out food services, as well as an amazing Baklava gift box that can be ordered online, or even delivered! Owners George and Esraa Simon look forward to meeting their new neighbors and sharing some of their favorite dishes with the community!

Located on both Page Avenue, as well as the upcoming location in the Saint Louis Galleria, Cluster Busters hopes to provide Saint Louis with high quality seafood at affordable prices. Cluster Busters offers both dine in and carry out seafood, with recipes from Chef Deion Woodard. You will find all your favorites dishes such as seafood, pasta, gumbo, and fried fish. Whether you want to try their flagship “Cluster Buster” or the Lobster Mac and Cheese, Cluster Busters offers something for everyone. Since 2017, Cluster Busters continues to grow as part of a staple of the North Saint Louis community, and is very excited to bring their offerings to the Galleria. Keep an eye out for menu additions as well as daily specials. Cluster Busters is also available for catering and private events, so consider them for your next event. At Cluster Busters, you’re invited to come catch this drip!

POKE DOKE

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314.449.6328 5257 SHAW AVE, ST. LOUIS, MO 63110 Carnivore fills a nearly 4,000-square-foot space on The Hill with a dining area, bar lounge, and adjoining outdoor patio gracefully guarded by a bronze steer at the main entrance. Always embracing change, Joe and Kerri Smugala, with business partners Chef Mike and Casie Lutker, launched Carnivore STL this summer. As the Hill’s only steakhouse, Carnivore offers a homestyle menu at budget-friendly prices appealing to the neighborhood’s many families. Steak, of course, takes center stage with juicy filet mignon, top sirloin, strip steak and ribeye leading the menu. Customize any of the succulent meats with sautéed mushrooms, grilled shrimp, or melted housemade butters, such as garlic-and-herb and red wine reduction, on top of the flame-seared steak. Other main dishes include a thick-cut pork steak (smoked at J. Smugs) and the grilled chicken with capers and a white wine-lemon-butter sauce. St. Louis Italian traditions get their due in the Baked Ravioli, smothered in provel cheese and house ragu, and in the Arancini, risotto balls stuffed with provel and swimming in a pool of meat sauce. With an exciting new brunch menu debuting for Saturday and Sunday, Carnivore should be everyone’s new taste of the Hill.

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314.328.3421 6730 PAGE AVE ST. LOUIS, MO 63138

314.391.5100 9 S. VANDEVENTER AVE. ST. LOUIS, MO 63108

Looking for the best seafood in St. Louis or the Midwest—don’t fret, Crawling Crab is now open! Here, we drizzle everything in garlic butter and then sprinkle on our magic dust! In a fun and casual atmosphere, you’ll enjoy fresh, hand-cleaned seafood ranging from lobster, shrimp, and of course crab legs. All platters come with corn sausage potatoes and Cajun boiled eggs and shrimp that won’t disappoint. For those pasta and veggie lovers out there, there is a spot for you here too! Enjoy our double dipped garlic butter rolls along side with your meal.

And if you are still not stuffed, we have homemade dessert on the menu too! Have a big family coming in or an event coming up? Enjoy our family meal options and our beautiful seafood tables. As we continue to grow, we are excited to add new items to the menu, get creative with new recipes, and give back within the community.

Join us on the first Tuesday of the month for $20 platter specials, and $5 appetizers on every Wild Wednesday!

Open Tuesday thru Saturday 4pm-10pm, currently located in the 24:1 Coffee House Cafe.

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Poke Doke offers St. Louis their energized recipes intertwined in a fast-casual model. Best part is every bowl is customizable to the patron -- whether you know what you want and can come up with your own flavor pairings — but it’s certain your heart will be content with the rich, high-quality seafood. Customers choose a size, a base, (such as rice, greens, or soba noodles) and choose from proteins (such as salmon ahi tuna, spicy tuna, shrimp or tofu), then add as many toppings and drizzles as they wish. If you’re less interested in the simple pleasures of fish and more in playing around with accoutrements, both the shrimp and tofu are neutral enough that they benefit from the enhancements. The menu also offers appetizers such as pork-filled pot stickers, miso soup, and crab rangoon, along with an assortment of bubble milk teas and soft serve ice cream. With locations in both the Central West End and the Delmar Loop, Poke Doke is the perfect spot to grab a quick bite!

BLK MKT EATS

CRAWLING CRAB

22

314.833.5900 8 S EUCLID AVE ST. LOUIS, MO 63108 314.553.9440 6316 DELMAR BLVD UNIVERSITY CITY, MO 63130

NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 3, 2019

The fast-fresh, made-to-order concept has been applied to everything from pizza to pasta in St. Louis, but the sushi burrito surprisingly had no Gateway City home until BLK MKT Eats opened near Saint Louis University last fall. It was worth the wait, though, because BLK MKT Eats combines bold flavors and convenience into a perfectly wrapped package that’s ideal for those in a rush. Cousins and co-owners Kati Fahrney and Ron Turigliatto offer a casual menu full of high-quality, all-natural ingredients that fit everything you love about sushi and burritos right in your hand. The Swedish Fish layers Scandinavian cured salmon, yuzu dill slaw, NOT YOURAnother AVERAGE Persian cucumbers and avocado for a fresh flavor explosion. favorite, the OGSUSHI Fire, featuresSPOT your choice 9 SOUTH VANDEVENTER DINE-IN, jalapeño TAKEOUT and OR DELIVERY MON-SAT 11AM-9PM of spicy tuna or salmon alongside tempura crunch, masago, shallots, piquant namesake sauce; Persian cucumbers and avocado soothe your tongue from the sauce’s kick. All burrito rolls come with sticky rice wrapped in nori or can be made into poké bowls, and all items can be modified for vegetarians.

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FILM

23

[REVIEW]

Ruptured Nuptials Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story is well written and performed but lacks emotional weight Written by

ROBERT HUNT Marriage Story Written and directed by Noah Baumbach.

Starring Scarlett Johansson, Adam Driver, Alan Alda, Ray Liotta and Laura Dern. Opens Friday, November 29, at the Landmark Tivoli Theatre. Streaming on Netflix from Friday, December 6.

W

e all know the rituals of weddings, but divorce has its rituals too. The recriminations, the division of property, the struggle to adjust to solitary life, the escalation of petty disagreements and, in many cases, the careful manipulation that turns routine parenting into strategic exercises of emotional warfare. These events form the structure of Noah Baumbach’s Marriage Story, an elegant but overly mannered drama inspired in part — no surprise here — by the end of the director’s own marriage.

Adam Driver and Scarlett Johansson play Charlie and Nicole Barber; he’s an acclaimed director of a small New York theatre company, she was a rising teen star who left Hollywood to become his muse. After ten years or so of what appears to be a relatively happy life in Brooklyn with their son Henry (Azhy Robertson), the troubles in their marriage come to the surface. Nicole lands a job on a television series and relocates to Los Angeles with Henry. Charlie finds himself facing the unpleasant prospects of talking to divorce lawyers (Alan Alda and Ray Liotta, both excellent) and making frequent trips to the West Coast, each experience muffling him in a cloud of incredulity.

Marriage Story covers these

Henry and his father Charlie (Azhy Robertson and Adam Driver) are separated by distance and divorce. | WILSON WEBB

painful conflicts through a series of almost random vignettes, often revealing significant plot points as an afterthought and letting much of drama occur between scenes.

(This is the kind of movie where someone can mention off-the-cuff that he just happened to win a MacArthur Fellowship a few days earlier.) It’s cleverly written, artfully directed and it offers powerful performances from Johansson and Driver, but it seems false and self-serving. It’s a discrete retelling of a divorce story, with outsized caricatures and a self-consciousness that seems designed to ward off any real emotional involvement. When Baumbach has Driver apologize for being “selfpitying and boring,” it seems like he’s trying to ward off criticism by applying it to himself first.

Though there are efforts at maintaining a balance between the couple (often cutting between simultaneous profiles of each, as if symbolically reuniting them), the film not too subtly takes Charlie’s side in more of the proceedings as he struggles to stay in his son’s life. Scene after scene registers the

soft-spoken New Yorker’s discomfort in a world of eccentric women (Nicole moves in with her mother, played with an undefined but unmistakable pool of neuroses by Julie Hagerty) and smiling cut-throat attorneys (Alda is ineffective but avuncular, and Liotta is exactly the kind of lawyer GoodFellas’ Henry Hill might have become, while Nicole’s attorney is played

by Laura Dern as a bigger-thanlife, flamboyant backstabber.)

At times, Marriage Story seems like little more than a string of showy set pieces held together through the appeal of the stars and by Randy Newman’s rich musical score. Some of them work well, like Driver’s passionate if somewhat contrived performance of Stephen Sondheim’s “Being Alive” (from Company), some are near misses, as when Laura Dern delivers a flashy monologue linking parental rights to the Biblical images of God and Mary. Others fall flat, as when Charlie and son are visited by a court-appointed evaluator, an awkward scene made even more so by a performance so embarrassingly misdi-

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rected that I thought the director must have asked a non-acting acquaintance to take the role. Only late in the film does the passion and frustration of the couple explode. It’s a long but somewhat theatrical scene: Johansson becomes furious, Driver punches a wall and falls to the floor sobbing, but it’s more emotion than Baumbach’s up-to-that-moment excessively cool approach to the characters can handle. It feels like watching two actors do an early read-through of a play.

The biggest problem with Marriage Story is simply that it doesn’t live up to its title. The film begins as the marriage is ending; A lengthy expository sequence introducing Charlie and Nicole is supposed to give the characters the emotional depth that Baumbach never takes time to provide in the subsequent two hours.

It’s less a story than it is a string of familiar situations for Driver and Johansson to react to. There’s no doubt that the director feels strongly about his subject, but his restrained emotions fail to add up to a coherent drama. n

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PING PONG TABLE • POOL TABLE • BOARD GAMES WEDNESDAY TRIVIA • LIVE MUSIC / DJS 5 DAYS A WEEK

THIS WEEK THE GROVE SELECTED HAPPENINGS

WEDNESDAY, NOVEMBER 27

IN

Day or night, there’s always something going on in The Grove: live bands, great food, beer tastings, shopping events, and so much more. Visit thegrovestl.com for a whole lot more of what makes this neighborhood great.

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CAFE

27

[REVIEW]

Be Our Guest The Last Kitchen redefines what it means to be a hotel restaurant.

Written By

CHERYL BAEHR The Last Kitchen 1501 Washington Avenue (Inside the Last Hotel), 314-390-2500. Mon.-Sun. 7 a.m.midnight.

T

he Last Hotel is a stunning architectural gem, a fact that strikes you the moment you step inside from Washington Avenue and are immersed in its Art Deco time capsule of a lobby. Ivory columns, adorned with intricate carvings, support the soaring ceilings, and luxe details — cognac leather sofas, a gorgeous pool table and shiny marble floors — create a swanky scene, the capstone of which is the massive, vintage bar that is the lobby’s centerpiece. It begs to be surrounded by sequin and faux fur-clad guests, and on a particular Saturday, it was so overflowing with bedazzled patrons, you’d have mistaken it for the set of a Jazz Age film.

All of this was irrelevant, however, as I sat, tucked into a corner of the hotel’s restaurant, the Last Kitchen, completely spellbound by the Grown Up Garlic Noodles.

In fact, the ghosts of F. Scott and Zelda themselves could have floated into the room that evening and I wouldn’t have noticed over the oil-slicked pasta, laden with tiny jewels of fermented black garlic rendered so sweet by the aging process, they may as well be candy. The garlic infuses the entire dish with a sweet, umami funk that is punctuated by flecks of heat from chile flakes. A dusting of freshly grated Parmesan cheese adds richness and thickens the oil-garlic sauce. It’s positively haunting.

That a simple dish of pasta steals the show in the midst of the boutique hotel’s stunning beauty speaks to the talent of the Last Kitchen’s chef, Evy Swoboda. A

A selection of dishes from the Last Kitchen (left to right): pork chop sandwich, Salsiccia pizza and Grown Up Garlic Noodles. | MABEL SUEN

rising star in the city’s culinary scene, Swoboda was working as chef de cuisine at Gerard Craft’s Pastaria when she was tapped to be real estate developer Tim Dixon’s St. Louis culinary ambassador. Dixon was looking to develop the old International Shoe Company Building on Washington Avenue and Swoboda reached out to him because of their mutual Milwaukee connection (her family lives in Milwaukee; Dixon is based there). Before she knew it, she was showing Dixon and his team around town and introducing them to the city’s history and culture.

Dixon and Swoboda clicked, and when he offered her the chance to not only be executive chef at his forthcoming property, but to also help him develop the hotel and restaurant from the ground up, she knew it was an opportunity she had to take. As they collaborated, the building’s concept came together: It would be called the Last Hotel, a reference to a cob-

bler’s last as a nod to the property’s history; it would have a stunning rooftop and it would deviate from the standard hotel model. In fact, Dixon and Swoboda did not want the Last Hotel to be thought of as a hotel at all; to them, it is a restaurant with rooms.

With such a strong culinary focus as the Last Hotel’s stated mission, Swoboda wanted a definitive thread to bind together the Last Kitchen’s menu and ensure it transcended the notion of a basic hotel restaurant. She found that in the Mississippi River, creating dishes that serve as an exploration of the many different food cultures along the great waterway, from its northernmost headwaters to its southern mouth. For roughly a year, Swoboda traveled along the Mississippi, from Minneapolis to New Orleans, cooking with chefs along the way and learning all that she could about the river cities’ similarities and differences.

It’s debatable whether that sort of high concept actually binds

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together the menu. What’s not up for argument is this: The Last Kitchen is an outstanding restaurant, one that not only transcends the “hotel restaurant” norm but stands as one of the city’s most exciting new places to dine, period. You need not taste anything but the Grown Up Garlic Noodles to figure this out, but if you stop there, you’ll miss out on another superstar pasta dish, the beef ragu. As with the garlic noodles, Swoboda draws upon her experience at Pastaria to create this Italian-inflected standout. Braised beef cheek is so tender, you could spread it over a piece of crusty bread. Instead, Swoboda uses the pull-apart meat and its cooking juices as a sauce for pillow-soft gnocchi sardi (a Sardinian wheatbased pasta), then accents the noodles with briny castelvetrano olives and mint to balance out the richness. It’s masterful.

Of course, the Last Kitchen is not Pastaria Part Two, and Swobo-

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BE OUR GUEST Continued from pg 27

da shows she can do much more than Italian cuisine. Starters like scallops, flawlessly seared and paired with a carrot puree, are enlivened with toasted coriander, chile oil and shishito-infused vinegar that balance out the shellfish’s buttery mouthfeel. She also shows this penchant for balance on the goat cheese tart, in which the rich, quiche-like dish is paired with earthy beets, balsamic and pickled mustard seeds.

Even dishes that, on the surface, seem like mere bar food are revelatory. Taking both St. Louis and New Orleans as its inspiration, the boudin ravioli is the Last Kitchen’s signature appetizer, and with good reason. The massive, breaded pasta squares are perfectly cooked — crispy on the outside with a layer of chew underneath. The filling is outstanding, a hearty blend of wild boar and rice sausage that makes you wonder why anyone chooses to use the pasty ground beef that’s come to define T-rav filling. In place of marinara, Swoboda pairs the ravioli with Comeback Sauce, a zesty, mayonnaise-based ketchup and chile condiment that pairs beautifully with the boar.

The Buffalou Chicken Bites, the Last Kitchen’s riff on boneless Buffalo wings, are just as wonderful as the ravioli. For this outstanding finger food, Swoboda brines white and dark meat chicken in buttermilk, smokes the meat and then lightly dusts the pieces in a delicate coating of breading before dunking them in the fryer and coating them in hot sauce.

Dill pickle aioli is a bright, briny complement to the bites’ salt, smoke and spice.

The Last Kitchen offers a handful of sandwiches, available all day on its bar menu. A pork chop sandwich paired thick slices of the meat with a tart raspberry barbecue sauce, pickled green apples and shaved Brussels sprouts, all tucked into a pillow-soft bun.

Flavor-wise, the bright sauce and accoutrements worked well with the pork, but the meat itself was dry. The classic cheeseburger was better executed. Perfectly cooked to a juicy pink medium, the burger is coated in gooey Provel cheese, an excellent melter that, to this proud St. Louisan, should be added into the pantheon of great burger cheeses.

The Last Kitchen is equally adept at providing an elegant dinner experience. A roasted half-

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Chef Evy Swoboda at the Last Kitchen. | MABEL SUEN

The view of downtown from the stunning rooftop. | MABEL SUEN

chicken, succulent and flecked with herbs, is served atop a bed of creamy wild rice that evokes risotto and preserved lemon-dressed kale that provides a mouth-puckering jolt to the entire dish. I only wished that the skin was crispier and more golden. Instead, it was a bit flaccid.

The duck breast skin, on the other hand, was a master class in technique. The duck’s crunchy exterior was perfectly roasted like a crackling, encasing layers of buttery fat and juicy meat. The kitchen slices the duck breast into medallions, then gilds the meat

NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 3, 2019

with brown butter; together, the butter and duck’s natural jus form a glorious concoction that soaks into the accompanying barley.

And that’s not even my favorite duck dish on the menu. That honor goes to the duck pot pie with its al dente roasted vegetables, silken gravy and hunks of duck meat that combine to form the sort of stickto-your-ribs comfort called for on these dreary, late autumn days. As good as the filling is, though, the star of the dish is the puff pastry, which is simultaneously rich and delicate — it’s as if Swoboda and company have figured out a way

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to crisp pure butter.

Those pastry skills, courtesy of the restaurant’s immensely talented pastry chef, Suji Grant, are on display in the Last Kitchen’s desserts. An apple cobbler topped with crumbly, buttery streusel and tangy mascarpone whipped cream is perfection of the form, as is the pumpkin cheesecake, which is adorned with candied pecans so delicious, they should consider bagging them up and selling them in their own right. However, the outstanding Suji’s Candy Bar is the must-try dessert, not only because it’s such a fun, whimsical dish but because its layers of farro sable, devil’s food cake and chocolate whipped cream somehow reveal themselves as both a cohesive flavor and individual components as they melt on the tongue.

What Grant does with that candy bar — and what Swoboda does with the garlic noodles and the duck breast — is nothing short of magic. Of course, the real magic Swoboda has pulled off is making a restaurant inside a hotel anything but a hotel restaurant. With such wonderful food, it’s easy to forget where you are, even if where you are is magnificent.

The Last Kitchen Boudin ravioli ............................................. $9 Grown Up Garlic Noodles ......................... $15 Duck breast .............................................. $32

SHORT ORDERS

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[SIDE DISH]

Nik Nagel Talks Beef Ribs, Gaming and Doctor Strange Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

E

ighteen years old, unsure of college and sick of living in St. Louis County, Nik Nagel moved to the city and took a job working the register at Tei Too. It was a move that changed his life.

“I’d been working at Best Buy since I was sixteen and really wanted to move to the city and do something different,” Nagel says.

“I was working front-of-house for Ann Bognar at Tei Too, but one day, she lost a cook and asked me if I wanted to learn how to work in the kitchen. I said yes and realized right away that I enjoyed doing it. From there, I just kept going.”

Looking back, it’s no surprise that Nagel found himself in a line of work that involves food. Now assistant pitmaster to Ben Welch at the Midwestern Meat & Drink (900 Spruce Street, 314-696-2573), Nagel grew up in a family filled with self-proclaimed chefs who loved to make everything from corn-studded mac ’n’ cheese casseroles to homemade ice cream.

Still, Nagel had no plans to cook professionally. After graduating from high school, he enrolled in general classes at St. Louis Community College-Meramec while searching for a career path. His job at Tei Too provided him with a glimmer of the answer he was looking for, and as he moved on to his next job at SqWires Restaurant, he was pretty sure he had found his way.

At SqWires, Nagel met Nick Del Gaiso, who immediately became an industry mentor to him. The

At the Midwestern, Nik Nagel is relishing his role as assistant pitmaster. | ANDY PAULISSEN two clicked, and when Del Gaiso moved over to now-shuttered Scape American Bistro, Nagel went with him, a move that solidified his decision to pursue a cooking career.

“That’s where I got really into food,” Nagel explains. “At Scape, I got to work with Eric Kelly, who taught me not only about cooking but also about what it really meant to be a chef.”

Nagel had already been going to culinary school at St. Louis Community College-Forest Park since he was at SqWires, but working with Kelly at Scape made him realize that he preferred to pursue his education outside of the classroom. He left school and threw himself into learning everything he could under Kelly, growing in his roles and working his way up the line.

After Kelly and Del Gaiso left Scape, Nagel decided to do so as well, opting to join Del Gaiso at his new venture, the Wheelhouse in Clayton. That was six years ago, and ever since, Nagel has been

Del Gaiso’s go-to person, helping him open the kitchens at his other ventures: Start Bar and a second location of the Wheelhouse, both located downtown.

It was natural, then, that Del Gaiso would ask Nagel to help out with the Midwestern Meat & Drink, which opened in March.

Initially, he was slated to be the closing kitchen manager, but once he and chef Ben Welch got to working together, it became clear that Nagel was primed to be his right-hand man.

“Nick told me that he wanted me to be Ben’s sidekick, and it’s been great,” Nagel says. “He’s been teaching me so much. Smoking meat is completely new to me, so this nine-month adventure has been a pretty cool one.”

Nagel is thriving in his role as Welch’s assistant pitmaster, a role that forced him to learn quicker than he could have imagined.

“You learn within the first couple of weeks because you have to,” Nagel laughs, citing the precision involved in barbecue.

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He’s also relishing his first chance to get close to whole-animal cooking, including the restaurant’s famous pig’s head, which he admits gave him a bit of a shock the first time he worked with it.

However, it’s moments like that that makes him realize he’s exactly where he wants to be.

“Whether it’s every other week, weekly or every day, I am picking up something new,” Nagel says.

“That’s what makes this fun — the fact that I am able to keep learning. It’s been a pretty cool adventure to this point.”

Nagel recently took a break from smoking the Midwestern’s amazing beef ribs to share his thoughts on the St. Louis food and beverage scene, his love of jazz and gaming and why you’ll never see him noshing on plant-based bacon.

What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did?

I am pretty soft. I have a pretty

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NIK NAGEL

Continued from pg 29

hard shell to crack, but once you do, I’m pretty soft.

What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you?

Anything to do with my dog.

He’s my very best friend.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

I’m going Doctor Strange with it — let me control time.

What is the most positive thing in food, wine or cocktails that you’ve noticed in St. Louis over the past year?

Chef Nick Bognar. I love seeing him succeeding. I started my culinary career working for his mother, Ann. What is something missing in the local food, wine or cocktail scene that you’d like to see?

I know there are jazz bars, but more of them — with delicious small plates and cocktails. I love jazz, and I love a good cocktail with some snacks.

Who is your St. Louis food crush?

Probably Rick Lewis. I could eat his fried chicken every day.

Who’s the one person to watch right now in the St. Louis dining scene?

I’ll be cliché and say my chef, Ben [Welch]. He’s a pretty inspiring guy, and I’ve learned quite a bit in our nine-month adventure.

Which ingredient is most representative of your personality?

Butter.

If you weren’t working in the restaurant business, what would you be doing?

IT. I’m a gamer. I’ve been gaming my whole life, so being on a computer is second nature to me.

Name an ingredient never allowed in your restaurant.

Vegan bacon. I’m 100 percent on board with making vegan food. Vegan bacon ain’t it.

What is your after-work hangout?

My house, with my dog, on the internet with my gaming buddies.

What’s your food or beverage guilty pleasure?

Gin and tonic, specifically Hendrick’s with a dash of Fever Tree [tonic] and a lime.

What would be your last meal on Earth?

Fried chicken, mashed potatoes, gravy, some form of a corn succotash and Mike Friedman’s bread pudding recipe. Love you, Mikey. Oh, and a crisp, fresh Sprite. n

The Train Shed menu ranges from pizza and pasta dishes to burgers and steaks. | COURTESY LODGING HOSPITALITY MANAGEMENT

[FIRST LOOK]

The Train Shed at Union Station Written by

ELLA FAUST

T

hroughout 2019, Union Station St. Louis has celebrated the opening of several new attractions, including the St. Louis Wheel and two new restaurants and bars. The first eatery to debut at Union Station this year was Soda Fountain, which opened in September, and this week, the Train Shed (201 South Eighteenth Street, 314-923-3949) celebrated its grand opening at the local landmark.

The restaurant and bar is being promoted as “a unique gathering place for contemporary cuisine and creative cocktails.” Located adjacent to Soda Fountain, Train Shed provides a more upscale alternative to the more casual, family-friendly Soda Fountain. (Both concepts are operated by St. Louis-based Lodging Hospitality Management.)

Designed to showcase the historical architecture of the original Union Station, Train Shed’s interior puts a modern, industrial spin on a classic train station aesthetic.

The menu, developed by chef Patrick Russell and Union Station’s executive chef Russel Cunningham, serves up an array of fun, unique plays on bar food standards.

The starter menu features a wings platter topped with blue cheese crisps and smoked honeyBuffalo sauce, plus Southwestinspired chile deviled eggs and a poke-inspired dish made with beets in place of fish.

In addition to starters, Train Shed serves main courses such as country fried steak, handtossed pizzas, pasta, burgers and seafood dishes. One of the musttry pies is the butternut squash, which features the root vegetable with a sweet potato puree, crispy country ham, baby kale, pickled jalapeños, pepitas, pomegranate molasses and feta from Baetje Farms in Bloomsdale.

Other must-try dishes include the Tuscan-style salmon and the bucatini pasta primavera.

“Load up your table with bar snacks and starters to start, and then maybe try some cocktails,” Russell says. “The bar snacks are healthy but shareable portions, so the dining experience can be a sip

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and share mentality.”

For those stopping into Train Shed for a drink or two, the menu offers modern takes on pre-Prohibition cocktails, a curated craft beer list and wine.

Like Soda Fountain, Russell hopes that Train Shed will provide a new reason to visit Union Station and check out all the new attractions and offerings.

“The Wheel and aquarium will drive a lot of people down to the area,” Russel says. “Kids come for the Wheel and the aquarium, and you have Soda Fountain for more casual food and drink and now Train Shed for a more upscale experience. But there’s nothing wrong with hitting both in a day: You can make a whole day out of the restaurants and attractions at Union Station.”

And we recommend that you do just that — grabbing eats and drinks at Train Shed is an ideal way to end an evening in downtown St. Louis. Soon, there will be a third eatery to add to the list, too, when an aquatic-themed cafe opens next year to complement the new aquarium.

Train Shed opened for dinner service on Monday, November 18.

On Monday, December 2, the restaurant will open for lunch and dinner service from 11 a.m. to 11 p.m. Monday through Saturday and 11 a.m. to 9 p.m. on Sunday. n

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[FOOD NEWS]

Gluten-Free Britt’s Bakehouse Now Open Written by

LIZ MILLER

W

e’re about to enter peak sweets season, and just in time, shoppers have a new destination for locally made gluten-free treats and desserts. On Saturday, November 23, Britt’s Bakehouse celebrated its grand opening at 137 West Jefferson Avenue in Kirkwood.

Bakery owner Britt Royal shared the news on Facebook last week, including details about the grand opening party that Saturday. A lifelong baker, Royal was

diagnosed as gluten intolerant in 2009 and has spent the past decade perfecting her gluten-free sweets and desserts.

The celebration offered samples of Royal’s gluten-free goodies, which range from her signature cookies in flavors such as toffee-chocolate chip and Mom’s Favorite made with toasted pecans, chocolate chips and dried cherries. Aside from classic and signature cookie flavors, the shop offers “small cakes” (cupcakes), baby Bundt cakes and classic and specialty cakes.

Highlights from the specialty cake menu include Chocolate Blackout Cake with dark chocolate buttercream with a chocolate ganache drip and raspberry-almond cake filled with layers of tart raspberry jam and almond buttercream. Royal also accepts custom cake and cupcake orders.

The bakery is open from 7 a.m. to 6:30 p.m. Tuesday through Friday and 8 a.m. to 2 p.m. on Saturday and Sunday, and is closed Monday. n

Lip Smacking Foodie Tour wants you to dine in style in the Central West End. | COURTESY THE VOX AGENCY

[FOOD NEWS]

Lip Smacking Foodie Tour Adds More VIP Dining to STL Written by

ELLA FAUST

W

ith the holidays right around the corner and family and friends visiting from across the country, you’re sure to be dining out more and more in the coming weeks. So why not treat your loved ones to a new culinary experience in St. Louis?

That’s exactly what the founder of Lip Smacking Foodie Tour, a Las Vegasbased culinary tour company, is hoping to bring to St. Louis with its new Central West End neighborhood food tour. Run

by Donald Contursi, Lip Smacking Foodie Tour is billed as Las Vegas’ premier culinary walking-tour service. The company has previously expanded to San Jose, California; Santa Monica, California; Se-

attle; and now, St. Louis.

The tour intends to provide a curated, unique dining experience wherein each guest feels like a VIP. You’ll get to skip the lines at busy restaurants while being directed by a tour guide at each location.

In addition to getting to sample delicious food and drink at each locale, you’ll also learn about the city and its history, including the history of the Central West End. The St. Louis tour begins at Taste (4584 Laclede Avenue) before heading next door to its sister restaurant, Brasserie (4580 Laclede Avenue). Next up is Yellowbelly (4659 Lindell Boulevard) followed

by The Preston (212 North Kingshighway Boulevard), located inside the Chase Park Plaza Royal Sonesta St. Louis.

“When working with a restaurant that’s going to be featured on the tour, I like to ask the chef this: If someone was eating at your restaurant for the first time, what are the absolute must-try items for someone who’s never been before?” Contursi says.

Tours are available to both corporate and private parties and can accomodate fifteen to 75 participants. To book a private group or for more information, email info@lipsmackingfoodietours.com. n

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MUSIC + CULTURE [HOMESPUN]

For the Record When St. Louis singer Jenna Bauer’s father died, it fell to her to manage his 7,000-piece vinyl collection Written By

CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER

G

rowing up in the west county suburbs of Ballwin, Jenna Bauer would often fall asleep to the sounds of classical music. Her bedroom was situated above the listening room where her father, Merrill, would spin sides of Beethoven and Shostakovich, along with occasional pop and jazz records.

Those sounds drifted upward, and the influence on young Jenna was both immediate and longsimmering; she would study orchestral music throughout school and, as she entered her late 30s, take up singing jazz standards around St. Louis.

A visual artist by trade, she had spent several years living and working in Manhattan and upstate New York. About five years ago, the symptoms from Merrill’s ALS brought Jenna back to St. Louis to assist in caring for her father. Between creating her own art and her teaching schedule, Bauer found moments of respite in spending time with her father, often engaging in his favorite pastime.

“His life became very complicated but was very simple — all he could do was watch politics and listen to classical music,” Bauer recalls. “He listened to mostly CDs, but we would bring up boxes — ‘go get all of the Les Paul records’ — and we would listen to every one of them.”

Merrill Bauer died on April 30 of this year. Jenna Bauer and her brother had to contend with clearing out their childhood home and deciding what mementos of their parents they wished to keep. But

Jenna Bauer’s father’s record collection had a huge musical influence on the singer. | VIA THE ARTIST

given that their father was an avid audiophile with a literal ton of vinyl in his collection, parting with a lifetime of music collecting was an additional obstacle.

Merrill Bauer’s collection grew to around 7,000 pieces of vinyl; given his career as an engineer, it’s not surprising the fastidiousness with which he cared for his bounty. On the jacket, he would note any surface noise on the grooves; on the record’s protective sleeve, he would write down the date of the last cleaning. For crate-diggers used to coming across dinged, scratched, poorly maintained wax, Bauer’s collection is about as well-preserved as any set of 60-year-old LPs could be.

But neither Jenna nor her brother had any use for such a haul and, given both their state of mourning and their need to clear out the house, an estate sale was planned.

After Bauer pulled her picks — Sam Cooke, Willie Nelson, Billie Holliday — the estate-sale planners were dismayed by what was left. “Nobody wants this stuff — nobody,” Bauer recalls being told.

The company planned to sell the rest by volume, something of an insult given the care with which

Bauer’s father maintained his collection.

At the sale, some lucky bidder was going to get an entire shelf of records for $5; Bauer, ignoring the advice against attending one’s own estate sale, bid $10. “The intensity of that moment was surreal,” she recalls. “Am I prepared to take 4,000 more records that are dearly collected and cared for?”

Bauer ended up with those 4,000 records, carting them back to her studio space in South Hampton.

She hosted an open-house sale in the early fall where friends and looky-loos could comb through the crates; every LP was listed for a dollar and all of the proceeds supported Colorbridge, an afterschool arts nonprofit that Bauer volunteers with.

At this point, Bauer has sold off a few hundred titles and a friendly neighbor has agreed to purchase the rest. As she continues to part with her father’s collection and consider the lessons he imparted during his life, Bauer finds herself in a reflective mood.

“What I contemplate a lot is, ‘What’s most important to me?’

The teaching, the painting and how important it is for me to make oil paintings, and then the

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singing,” Bauer says. “There is a large amount of joy that music brings to people, and me personally, when I’m up there singing these standards.”

Bauer performs regularly with guitarist Dave Black and bassist Ben Wheeler, including a monthly gig at 33 Wine Bar in Lafayette Square. Drummer Micah Walker will join them for a quartet show on December 8 at the Judson House, a listening room/house show space in Grand Center.

“This is a listening room; people come to these shows knowing that no one will be talking, and it is a direct conduit,” she says of the show. “I’m almost thinking about singing without a P.A. Every gig that I have, I sit down and plan for what feels right for the first song to come out of my mouth.”

Bauer’s gig planning is a good cross-pollination of the artist and musician parts of her brain. She groups songs by topic or mood — heartbreak, unrequited love, bliss — and builds a set accordingly.

With a touch of synesthesia, she often thinks of the songs according to their color.

“I actually have all my songs cut as pieces of paper so I can arrange the order without erasing or using a computer screen,” Bauer says. “‘Love Me or Leave Me,’ ‘Around Midnight,’ ‘Caravan,’ all of these darker, more complicated, heavier songs that have more of a maroon vibe to them than a sunny, yellow-red-orange vibe. It’s kind of a weird aesthetic categorization of jazz songs.”

That type of methodological thinking about art comes naturally to Bauer, as both an artist and art instructor. And given that she has spent much of this year surrounded by rows and rows of old music on an antiquated format, she is well-suited to think of music as a three-dimensional object, as something more than just a transmission of sound. When she sings, Bauer is using old songs to transmit something a little more substantial.

“I think that the role of the singer is really exciting,” she says.

“Just being able to just have a little humanity and connection with your audience.” n

Jenna Bauer 6 p.m. Sunday, December 8. The Judson House, 3733 Washington Avenue. $20. No phone.

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[PROFILE]

Turbo Charged How St. Louis rapper Nikee Turbo’s turn on Netflix’s Rhythm + Flow inspired a dance craze — and helped put St. Louis back on the hip-hop map Written By

YMANI WINCE

W

hen Nikee Turbo was first approached about being a part of the first season of Netflix’s Rhythm + Flow, he thought it was just another Instagram scammer trying to get his attention.

Dating back a year ago, he says he was contacted by someone to be part of a “rap competition.”

The rapper, whose real name is LaMarco Taylor, was skeptical.

That is, until he dug a bit deeper and found it to be just the opportunity he’d been hoping for.

Soon enough, he was performing in Chicago in front of Chance the Rapper.

“Two weeks later, I’m downtown for an audition,” Taylor says. “Next thing I know, I’m in Chicago, then LA, and top 30 out of 80,000 people.”

In October, the streaming service premiered the first season of Rhythm + Flow, a hip-hop competition where rappers battle for a $250,000 prize and bragging rights. On the show, viewers are introduced to Nikee Turbo at that Chicago audition, where he interests the judges first with his personal story — one of growing up in St. Louis and enduring family struggles, including living with his father’s incarceration from a young age.

“I’m trying to break generational curses,” the rapper says in front of the judges. “All my life we struggled. My daddy left and went to jail for life.”

Taylor piqued Chance’s interest with his sparkling sequin jacket, his personal history and his “Turbo Step,” a dance the rapper came up with after a fun night at the bars.

“He’s a great performer,” Chance says to the other judges as Taylor performs his song “I’m Bout to Blow.”

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body can humanly go. The rapper incorporates the swinging of his own hair to the most advanced level of Turbo Stepping. If you didn’t find that difficult enough to get down, try the hardest level of the Turbo Step: the Turbo Zone. (Please just watch the rapper’s YouTube video, because no amount of descriptive words will do it justice.)

Taylor’s music is similarly energetic.

It’s the kind that should be played in a Dodge Charger with an impeccable sound system. The beats on his songs are nasty, and just as hype as the rapper himself.

Coming off the height of his Netflix success, Taylor dropped the aptly named The Nightmare Before Fame a day before Halloween. It’s a project that’s as much about energy and self-fulfillment as it is about making money and flexing in the face of adversity.

Taylor has been performing and making music for several years, creating a dedicated fanbase. In Nikee Turbo hopes his brush with fame will help bring attention to St. Louis’ more overlooked artists. | JUAN SHOT ME 2018, he was named one of RFT’s STL 77 honorees for his mixOn the show, Turbo makes it to even ushered in a new social me- tape Flood the Streets. This past LA, where he is one of the top 30 dia craze: the #TurboStepChal- spring, the rapper released Toro Joven (Young Bull), a ten-track LP contestants. Once there, he enters lenge.

This month, the rapper finally with features from city favorite into a rap cypher alongside four other artists. Chance, T.I., and dropped what his fans had been Jizzle Buckz and rapper, producer Cardi B deliberate on who to send waiting for — an actual Turbo and VH1 reality star A1.

Taylor says that while the opforward in the competition, and Step tutorial on his YouTube chanthis is where Nikee Turbo’s time is nel. The video currently has more portunity to be on Rhythm + Flow than 16,000 views, with fans eager was great for him personally, he cut short. also likes that it gives other artists Although he did not see the to follow the rapper’s journey.

The dance has multiple steps. in the city a chance to shine. competition to its completion, “It’s good for St. Louis and the Taylor’s humility, charisma and It begins with two steps on each optimism earned him the respect foot, “sort of like the two-step, artists that aren’t getting expobut you add an extra foot,” Turbo sure. It’s long overdue,” Taylor of all three judges.

“This was a win for me,” the rap- says in the video. Next comes the says. “It’s hard for us to reach per says to the judges after being arm swinging from side to side, the masses because we’re looked eliminated. “Nobody in my family combined with the feet. The third over. It’s like Nelly is good enough, ever made it this far. Just to sit in element of the dance is speed, and no one is looking for anyone front of y’all is an experience I’ll naturally, but Taylor tells viewers else from St. Louis.”

He hopes the momentum conthat the dance can be done at any never forget.”

Since his appearance on the speed they’re comfortable. “It can tinues, not just for himself, but show, Taylor has gotten the atten- be any pace you want it, depend- for others in the city who are trying to accomplish their dreams in tion of people across the country, ing on the music,” he says.

For more experienced dancers, music. including a co-sign from Cardi B, “It’s like, if Nikee Turbo is there, who tried her best to learn the he recommends “turbo speed,” Turbo Step. His time on the show which is about as fast as one’s then who else is?” n

NOVEMBER 27-DECEMBER 3, 2019

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Wednesday November 27 9PM

Back Porch Trio

featuring Al Holliday and Ron Sikes and Cody Henry from Funky Butt Brass Band Funky Soul and R&B Thursday November 28

Closed. Happy Thanksgiving Friday November 29 10PM

Surco

Sunday December 1 8PM

Blues, Soul and Pop Diva Kim Massie Wednesday December 4 9PM

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Players Tribute To The Rolling Stones Thursday December 5 9PM

Funkify Your Life Meters Tribute Show

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OUT EVERY NIGHT

[CRITIC’S PICK]

The Allah-Las. | VIA PARADIGM TALENT AGENCY

The Allah-Las 8 p.m. Saturday, November 30.

Blueberry Hill Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Boulevard. $20 to $23. 314-727-2277.

The music of the burgeoning Laurel Canyon scene of the ’60s is most often associated with the impeccable country and folk-pop of Gram Parsons, Joni Mitchell, Jackson Browne and Crosby, Stills, Nash and Young. But the scene also had a deeply psychedelic side, with bands like Love and even the Doors, not to mention the Byrds, developing a sometimes quixotic, sometimes occult, always experimental sound that continues to resonate across

THURSDAY 28

ADAM MANESS TRIO: 8 p.m., free. Thurman’s in Shaw, 4069 Shenandoah Ave., St. Louis, 314696-2783.

BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM RENEGADES: 9 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

MAIN STREET JAZZ TRIO: 8 p.m., free. Pat Connolly Tavern, 6400 Oakland Ave., St. Louis, 314-647-7287.

FRIDAY 29

THE ARMONTI EXPERIENCE: w/ Et Alexx, X, Ase, Rocky Maverick, Yz Tha Singer, K00l, AJ, Steffine Urkell 8:30 p.m., $8-$12. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-2746720.

BIG MIKE & THE BLU CITY ALL STARS: 8 p.m., $15.

Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

GENE JACKSON & SOUL REUNION: 7 p.m., $10.

BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

JAKE’S LEG: 8 p.m., $15-$20. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JON BONHAM & FRIENDS: 9:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz,

the contemporary indie-rock scene. On this year’s full-length LAHS, Los Angeles stalwarts the Allah-Las celebrate the melodically free, improvisational skill of the bands of the Canyon with a pensive jangle and murmur that never stops grooving and never breaks its dreamy spell. Rock & roll this insouciant rarely sparkles with such sonic intricacy and ingenuity.

Going to California: Opening for AllahLas are fellow Southern California musicians Mapache and Tim Hill, the former with finely harmonized country-folk and the latter with ramshackle Neil-Youngesque singing and songwriting.

—Roy Kasten

Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314436-5222.

RIVER DESPAIR: 9 p.m., free. Schlafly Bottleworks, 7260 Southwest Ave, Maplewood, 314-241-2337.

ROCKABILLY STEVE AND BR3: 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

SAINTS IN THE CITY STL: A TRIBUTE TO BRUCE SPRINGSTEEN AND THE E STREET BAND: w/ Another Mystery 8 p.m., $11-$13. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

STEVE ROSS: 8 p.m., $30-$40. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

THE STUDIO SHOWCASE.: 9 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

TONKSGIVING 2019: w/ Ha Ha Tonka 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

THE URGE: w/ Fragile Porcelain Mice, Six Percent 8 p.m., $30-$45. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

SATURDAY 30

120 MINUTES: 9:30 p.m., $5. Sky Music Lounge,

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OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 39 930 Kehrs Mill Road, Ballwin, 636-527-6909.

ALLAH-LAS: 8 p.m., $20-$23. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

BIG EASY: 9 p.m., free. Nightshift Bar & Grill, 3979 Mexico Road, St. Peters, 636-441-8300.

BLACKWELL: w/ Hersker, Abyssal Rites 9 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

THE BOTTLE ROCKETS: 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

BUILDINGS: w/ Voidgazer, the Conformists, Blastar 8 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

HARD LIVING THANKSGIVING: A HOLIDAY HONKYTONK HOOTENANNY: w/ Old Capital, The Fighting Side, Craig Gerdes, Chris Black & The Eagles of Unemployment, Isaac Chosich 8 p.m., $10.

Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314588-0505.

HHR’S WINTER WONDERLAND: w/ Laylow & 2Eazy, Turk Goon, Sizzledotcom, Slim Beezy, Pagedale Zo, Brodie 8500, Wally Kuhlenburg, LT Johnson 8 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

JEREMIAH JOHNSON BLUES BAND: 10 p.m., $10.

BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

KIM MASSIE BAND: 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-4365222.

NIN/RAGE TRIBUTES: w/ Sound Division 8 p.m., $12-$15. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

PAUL BONN & THE BLUES MEN: 8 p.m., $5. Hwy 61 Roadhouse and Kitchen, 34 S Old Orchard Ave, Webster Groves, 314-968-0061.

A SMOOTH EVENING WITH THE QUEENS OF SOUL JAZZ: 7 p.m., $25-$55. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

STEVE ROSS: 8 p.m., $30-$40. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

STEVIE RAY VAUGHAN TRIBUTE: w/ Steve Pecaro, Tony Campanella, Mike Zito 8 p.m., $20-$22.50.

The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

THE LAST WALTZ ST. LOUIS FEATURING SEAN CANAN’S VOODOO PLAYERS: 8 p.m., $15-$20.

Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

TOM HALL: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

SUNDAY 1

ANTHONY HAMILTON: w/ Eric Benet, Vivian Green 7 p.m., $54-$124. Stifel Theatre, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-499-7600.

ANTHONY HAMILTON AND ERIC BENET PRE-CONCERT PARTY: 5 p.m., free. Maurizio’s Pizza, 220 S. Tucker Blvd., St. Louis, 314-621-1997.

A DRAG QUEEN CHRISTMAS: 8 p.m., $39.50-$168.

The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JANET EVRA: 11:30 a.m., free.

KIM MASSIE: 8 p.m., $10. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

KRISTEN GOODMAN LIVE ALBUM RECORDING CONCERT: w/ Sweet & Low, Celia’s Yuletide Express 4 p.m., $11-$77. SK8 Liborious, 18th and Hogan, St. Louis.

TODD ALBRIGHT: 7:30 p.m., $15. The Focal Point, 2720 Sutton Blvd, St. Louis, 314-560-2778.

MONDAY 2

SAM PACE: 7:30 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N Euclid Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-3644.

SNAILS: w/ Kompany, Hi I’m Ghost 8 p.m., $27.50-$30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

THIRD SIGHT BAND: 8 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-4365222.

TUESDAY 3

CARY COLMAN: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N

Sean Canan’s Voodoo Players. | THEO R. WELLING

Voodoo Players’ Tribute to the Last Waltz 8 p.m. Saturday, November 30.

Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Boulevard. $15. 314-726-6161.

Certain musical traditions have become so intertwined with the holiday season — seriously, check out this paper’s calendar section for the annual onslaught of various and sundry Nutcracker performances. For the Americana set, Thanksgiving has long been synonymous with The Last Waltz, the Band’s fabled farewell that was memorialized on film and that has since been recreated time and again (including an all-star tour that stopped at the Stifel Theatre last week and the local Stag Nite All-Stars rendition on Thanksgiving Eve at the South Broadway Athletic Club). Sean Canan has pulled out all the stops for his Voodoo Players’ tribute to the Last Waltz, enlisting his usual backing band and a slew of locals to fill in the roles of Dr. John, Neil Young, Joni Mitchell and Van Morrison. But unlike the original 1976 show, turkey dinner will not be served and white, powdery substances are heavily discouraged.

Life is a Carnival: Joining Canan will be Mike Aguirre, Al Holliday, Hilary Fitz, Laren Loveless, Mattie Schell and more.

—Christian Schaeffer Euclid Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-3644.

THE ROUTE 66 JAZZ ORCHESTRA: 7:30 p.m., $15.

The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

RUM DRUM RAMBLERS: 9 p.m., free. Whiskey Ring, 2651 Cherokee St., St. Louis, 314-6695817.

WEDNESDAY 4

BEST SLEEP: w/ Reaver, the Cult sounds 7 p.m., $7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

K.FLAY & MEG MYERS: 8 p.m., $25-$35. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-7266161.

KATIE SIN: w/ Hadiza, Justin Ra, Jay-MarieisHoly

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OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 41

7 p.m., $7. Blank Space, 2847 Cherokee St., St. Louis.

TOM HALL: 10 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

VOODOO ROLLING STONES: 9 p.m., $10. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THIS JUST IN 20/20 VISION: W/ Tezzyo, Alysha, Valencia, Sat., Dec. 28, 8:30 p.m., $8-$12. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

96 BITTER BEINGS: W/ the Native Howl, Locust Grove, Sun., Jan. 19, 7 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

AMETHYST EP RELEASE: W/ Friends In Secret, QStreet, Postal Modern, Relynness, Fri., Jan. 3, 7 p.m., $5-$8. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

ANTICIPATION: PRE-NEW YEAR PARTY: W/ Laka, Sun., Dec. 29, 6 p.m., free. Angad Arts Hotel, 6550 Samuel Shepard Dr, St. Louis, 314-5610033.

BACH’S BRANDENBURG CONCERTOS: Fri., May 15, 7 p.m., $10-$45. First Presbyterian Church of Kirkwood, 100 E. Adams, St. Louis, 314-9650326.

BEST SLEEP: W/ Reaver, the Cult sounds, Wed., Dec. 4, 7 p.m., $7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM RENEGADES: Thu., Nov. 28, 9 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

BLACKWELL: W/ Hersker, Abyssal Rites, Sat., Nov. 30, 9 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

BUTTERCUP ALBUM RELEASE PARTY: W/ The R6 Implant, Blight Future, Superfun Yeah Yeah Rocketship, Sat., Dec. 14, 8 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-3525226.

CLARK BECKHAM: Wed., Feb. 19, 8 p.m., $15$50. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

DEAD FORMAT: W/ Leana, the Slow Boys, the Acid Flashback at Nightmare Beach, Sat., Dec. 21, 7:30 p.m., $8. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

DIRTY HONEY: W/ the Amazons, Fri., Feb. 14, 8 p.m., $17-$19. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

DRIVE-BY TRUCKERS: Fri., April 24, 8 p.m., $27.50-$32.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

EL MONSTERO: Mon., Dec. 23, 8 p.m., $30-$40.

The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

FROST MONEY’S TOY DRIVE: W/ P.R.E.A.C.H., Zeus Rebel Waters, Nandostl, Steve O’Brien, Rtwo, Reup Von Wolfgang, Hayzie P, Fri., Dec. 20, 8 p.m., $5-$10. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

GENE JACKSON & SOUL REUNION: Fri., Nov. 29, 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

GOSSIP FEST: W/ Gossip Machine, Mike Frush, Jay Edd, Memp Tenn, Jamie Dunn, XEM, Weird Jesus, Kill Em All, Paul Mic, Out Cast, The Peace Lords, Lord Freak, Sun., Jan. 26, 5:30 p.m., $8.

Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

HHR’S WINTER WONDERLAND: W/ Laylow & 2Eazy, Turk Goon, Sizzledotcom, Slim Beezy, Pagedale Zo, Brodie 8500, Wally Kuhlenburg, LT Johnson, Sat., Nov. 30, 8 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

HOODBILLY DRAW: W Dr. Slappinstein, the Peacelords, Wed., Dec. 18, 8 p.m., $8. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

IRATION: W/ Iya Terra, Ballyhoo!, The Ries Brothers, Sat., Feb. 15, 6:30 p.m., $25-$49.50.

Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

IT COMES IN WAVES: W/ Tone Wolf, Slumm & Gutta, Never Go Quietly, Provoke The Colossus,

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Fri., Dec. 27, 7 p.m., $5-$8. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

JEREMIAH JOHNSON BLUES BAND: Sat., Nov. 30, 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

JULIANA HATFIELD: Fri., Feb. 7, 8 p.m., $25-$28.

Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

KIM MASSIE BAND: Sat., Nov. 30, 5 p.m., $10.

BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

KRISTEN GOODMAN LIVE ALBUM RECORDING CONCERT: W/ Sweet & Low, Celia’s Yuletide Express, Sun., Dec. 1, 4 p.m., $11-$77. SK8 Liborious, 18th and Hogan, St. Louis.

LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: Fri., Nov. 29, 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

LUND: W/ Guccihighwaters, Sat., Jan. 25, 7:30 p.m., $18. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

MAGIC CITY HIPPIES: W/ Tim Atlas, Tue., Jan. 28, 8:30 p.m., $17.50-$20. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MATTIEL: Wed., Feb. 19, 8 p.m., $13-$15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

MIKE ZITO AND FRIENDS: A TRIBUTE TO CHUCK BERRY: W/ Mike Zito and his Big Blues Band, Walter Trout, Robben Ford, Eric Gales, Joanna Connor, Charlie Berry III, Sat., Feb. 8, 8 p.m., $25-$30. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

NADA SURF: Tue., June 2, 8 p.m., $20-$22. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-5880505.

NEIGHBOR LADY: Thu., Jan. 16, 8 p.m., $10. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-4986989.

OF VIRTUE: W/ In Search of Solace, Mon., Jan. 20, 6:30 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

PARTYROCK DUO: Sat., Jan. 18, 9 p.m., free. Sat., March 21, 9 p.m., free. Truffles, 9202 Clayton Road, Ladue, 314-567-9100.

PARTYROCK LIVE: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., free.

Satchmo’s Bar & Grill, 13375 Olive Blvd., Chesterfield, 314-878-3886. Fri., Dec. 20, 8 p.m., free. Fri., Jan. 10, 8 p.m., free. 612 Kitchen & Cocktails, 612 W. Woodbine, Kirkwood, 314965-2003.

PAUL OAKENFOLD: Sat., Feb. 1, 9 p.m., $15. Ameristar Casino, 1 Ameristar Blvd., St. Charles, 636-949-7777.

PUFF THE DRAGON: Sat., Dec. 21, 9 p.m., free.

Nightshift Bar & Grill, 3979 Mexico Road, St. Peters, 636-441-8300.

RADKEY: Sat., Jan. 25, 8 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

RIVER DESPAIR: Fri., Nov. 29, 9 p.m., free.

Schlafly Bottleworks, 7260 Southwest Ave, Maplewood, 314-241-2337.

ROCKABILLY STEVE AND BR3: Fri., Nov. 29, 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

SLOAN: Sat., Feb. 15, 8 p.m., $22-$25. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

SONS OF VULCAN: W/ Goldtooth, Tre Serpenti, Murtaugh, Fri., Dec. 20, 8 p.m., $8. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

ST. LOUIS WOMEN OF ROCK SHOWCASE: W/ Ahna Schoenhoff, Mammoth Piano, Tiger Rider, Sat., Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m., $10. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

STL POLE SHOW: Sat., Jan. 18, 8 p.m., $15. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

STU ALLEN & MARS HOTEL: W/ Dino English, Brad Sarno, the Matching Shoe, Thu., Dec. 26, 8 p.m., $17-$20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

THE BACH EFFECT CONCERT #1: Thu., May 7, 8:30 p.m., free. Central Visual and Performing Arts High School (Central VPA), 3125 S. Kingshighway, St. Louis, 314-771-2772.

THE BACH EFFECT CONCERT #2: Fri., May 8, 10 a.m., free. First Baptist Church of Ferguson, 333 N. Florissant Road, Ferguson, 314-5211515.

TOM HALL: Sat., Nov. 30, 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314436-5222.

UGLY SWEATER & PJ BASH & SING-ALONG: W/ Laka, Thu., Dec. 19, 6 p.m., free. Seven Gables Inn, 26 N. Meramec Ave., Clayton, 314-8638400.

UGLY X-MAZ SWAG PARTY: W/ Laka, Sun., Dec. 15, 6 p.m., free. Angad Arts Hotel, 6550 Samuel Shepard Dr, St. Louis, 314-561-0033.

A VERY SOLID CARD: W/ MVP, Chef Trez, B Magic, Math Hoffa, Sun., Dec. 29, 6:30 p.m., $50-$75. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314289-9050.

THE WAY DOWN WANDERERS: Sat., Jan. 11, 8 p.m., $12. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

WE WERE PROMISED JETPACKS: Thu., Feb. 20, 8 p.m., $16-$18. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

XSCAP3: W/ Tamar Braxton, Carl Thomas, Avant, Sun., Jan. 19, 7 p.m., $50-$100. Chaifetz Arena, 1 S. Compton Ave., St. Louis, 314-9775000.

YACHT: Tue., Jan. 21, 8 p.m., $13. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

ZACH DEPUTY: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $12. The Bootleg, 4140 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314775-0775.

NEXT WEEK

THE ABDUCTED: W/ the Green Leaves, Nolia, Electric Bear Trap, Despised Mourning, Sat., Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

ABIGAIL WILLIAMS: W/ Aenimus, Wed., Dec. 11, 6:30 p.m., $13. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

ANACRUSIS: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $10. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

BATUSHKA: Mon., Dec. 9, 8 p.m., $25-$30.

Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

BEGIN AT ZERO ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: W/ Bradtholomew, Biologist, Sat., Dec. 7, 6:30 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-2899050.

BILLY PEEK: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $5. Hwy 61 Roadhouse and Kitchen, 34 S Old Orchard Ave, Webster Groves, 314-968-0061.

CHRISTMAS CANDLELIGHT CONCERT: Tue., Dec. 10, 7:30 p.m., $30-$75. Powell Hall, 718 N. Grand Blvd, St. Louis, 314-534-1700.

DAILEY & VINCENT: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $15-$45.

The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd., St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

DEAN CHRISTOPHER: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $25$30. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

DEBBY LENNON: Thu., Dec. 5, 8 p.m., $30-$35.

Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

DIMEFEST MEETS THE METAL GODS SHOW 2019: W/ Domination: Pantera Tribute, Conquest: A Tribute To Metal Gods, Symptom Of The Universe: Black Sabbath Tribute, Sat., Dec. 7, 7 p.m., $10-$15. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

THE DRINKWATER BROTHERS: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $25-$30. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

END WORLD: W/ Goaltender, Interpersonal, Lightrider, Reeling, Fri., Dec. 6, 7:30 p.m., $10.

Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

THE FUNKY BUTT HOLIDAY WARMUP: Thu., Dec. 5, 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

THE GET UP KIDS: W/ Hembree, SONTALK, Tue., Dec. 10, 8 p.m., $22-$27. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

GOO GOO DOLLS: Sun., Dec. 8, 8 p.m., $35-$60.

Ballpark Village, 601 Clark Ave, St. Louis, 314345-9481.

GUITAR MADNESS 2019: W/ Jeremiah Johnson, Rich McDonough, Craig Straubinger, Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

HIGHLY SUSPECT: W/ Slothrust, Tue., Dec. 10, 8 p.m., $37.50-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar

Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JIM BRICKMAN: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $35-$75.

Blanche M Touhill Performing Arts Center, 1 University Dr at Natural Bridge Road, Normandy, 314-516-4949.

JINGLEFEST 2019: W/ Jon Pardi, Russell Dickerson, Morgan Wallen, Blanco Brown, Sat., Dec. 7, 7 p.m., $49-$79. Family Arena, 2002 Arena Parkway, St Charles, 636-896-4200.

JON MCLAUGHLIN: Thu., Dec. 5, 8 p.m., $20-$25.

Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

LOUIS THE CHILD: W/ DUCKWRTH, John The Blind, Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $29.99-$36. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

MIKE MATTHEWS PROJECT: Sat., Dec. 7, 9 p.m., free. Nightshift Bar & Grill, 3979 Mexico Road, St. Peters, 636-441-8300.

MISS JUBILEE: Fri., Dec. 6, 9:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

NERF HERDER: W/ The Haddonfields, The Copyrights, Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $18. Blueberry Hill The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-4444.

O.A.R.: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $40.50-$55.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-7266161.

ORCHESTRATING DIVERSITY HOLIDAYS CONCERT: Sun., Dec. 8, 3 p.m., $5. Pilgrim Congregational Church, 826 Union Blvd., St. Louis, 314-652-6800.

PARTYROCK LIVE: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., free. Satchmo’s Bar & Grill, 13375 Olive Blvd., Chesterfield, 314-878-3886.

PERT NEAR SANDSTONE: W/ Arkansauce, Thu., Dec. 5, 8 p.m., $10-$15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

RAK THE CASBAH: Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $10. The Monocle, 4510 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314932-7003.

ROB THOMAS: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $35-$60.

Ballpark Village, 601 Clark Ave, St. Louis, 314345-9481.

RYNE WATTS & FRIENDS: Sat., Dec. 7, 9:30 p.m., free. The Frisco Barroom, 8110 Big Bend Blvd., Webster Groves, 314-455-1090.

SAMANTHA FISH: Sun., Dec. 8, 8 p.m., $25. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-5880505.

SCOTT BRADLEE’S POSTMODERN JUKEBOX: Mon., Dec. 9, 8 p.m., $45-$65. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

SEX, DRUGS, AND STAND-UP COMEDY: W/ Fight Back Mountain, Jess Campbell, Robert Alan Hall, Mollie Amburgey, Ronaldo Mercado, Max Pryce, Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-3525226.

THE SKIVVIES: Sun., Dec. 8, 7 p.m., $30-$40. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 634 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

SMINO: Sun., Dec. 8, 8 p.m., $25-$27.50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

ST. LOUIS WOMEN OF ROCK SHOWCASE: W/ Ahna Schoenhoff, Mammoth Piano, Tiger Rider, Sat., Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m., $10. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

STATIC-X: W/ DevilDriver, Dope, Wednesday 13, Raven Black, Fri., Dec. 6, 6:25 p.m., $25-$28.

Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

STEEL PANTHER: Wed., Dec. 11, 8 p.m., $25-$28.

The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

STEVE FORBERT: Sat., Dec. 7, 7:30 p.m., $25. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-4986989.

THE NIXONS & SPONGE: W/ Bleach, Wed., Dec. 11, 8 p.m., $22-$25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

THIRTY SIX RED: W/ Name it Now, the Wild and Free, Amethyst, Fri., Dec. 6, 7 p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

WATCH WHAT CRAPPENS: W/ Ben Mandelker, Ronnie Karam, Fri., Dec. 6, 8 p.m., $28-$78.

Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

ZACH DEPUTY: Sat., Dec. 7, 8 p.m., $12. The Bootleg, 4140 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314775-0775.

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SAVAGE LOVE Partner Anxiety

BY DAN SAVAGE Hey Dan: I’m a heterosexual cis woman in a monogamous marriage. My husband and I have always struggled to connect sexually, mostly because he has extreme anxiety that makes doing anything new or different difficult. He’s been in therapy since before I met him, but it doesn’t seem to be helping much. His anxiety has caused him to shut down every sexual ask I’ve ever made because he’s afraid he won’t “do it right.” He’s a PIV-andnothing-more kind of guy, but I’m not asking for varsity-level stuff, just boring things like talking about fantasies, a little role-play, staying in bed on a Sunday just to have sex, etc. All of it is off the table. I understand he has a right to veto sex acts, but isn’t this all pretty basic, run-of-the-mill stuff?

He’ll still get his PIV; I just want there to be other elements before the PIV starts. It’s still a no. Talking to him about this sends him into a depressive episode where I then have to spend hours telling him he’s not a bad person, so I’ve stopped bringing it up. I’ve tried to talk to therapists about navigating this issue, but most change the subject. One actually told me that it was good that we don’t have good sex, because if we did, we wouldn’t have good communication in other areas. (I never went back to that one.) This has gone on for so long that I’ve lost all interest in sex. My libido, which used to be very high, has vanished. Whenever he wants sex, I do it — but I dread it. Do you have any ideas on how I can navigate this topic with my husband so he doesn’t shut down? How can I make him understand that it’s okay to experiment sexually and it will be okay if it’s not perfect?

—Lost And So Sad You’re going to have to call your husband’s bluff, LASS, and power through the predictable meltdown. That means raising — again — your unhappiness with your sex life, explaining your need for some pre-PIV intimacy and play, informing him this is no longer a

desperate request but a non-negotiable demand, and then refusing to shift into caregiver mode when his depressive episode starts.

I’m not suggesting your husband’s anxiety and depression are an act, LASS, or that being made aware of your unhappiness isn’t a trigger. But if depressive episodes get your husband out of conversations he’d rather avoid — and if they allow him to dictate the terms of your sex life and treat your pussy like a Fleshlight — then his subconscious could be weaponizing those depressive episodes. And if you shift to caregiver mode every single time — so long as you’re willing to spend hours reassuring him that he’s not a bad person — then your grievances will never be addressed, much less resolved. So even if it means spending an extremely unpleasant evening, weekend, or few weeks with him, you’re going to have to raise the issue and refuse to reassure your husband.

Line up whatever support you think he might need before you make your stand — you could also make your stand during a couples counseling session — and give him maybe one “You’re not a bad person, really!” and then refuse to back down.

And when he shuts down, LASS, it will be his therapist’s job to pry him back open, not yours.

And the sex you’re currently having? The sex you dread and don’t enjoy? The sooner you stop having it, LASS, the sooner your husband will come to understand that he’s going to have to give a little (so very little!) if he wants to have sex at all. If and when he does, then you can borrow a page from the varsity-level kinkster handbook: Take baby steps. In the same way people who are turned on by, say, more intense bondage scenes (suspension, immobilization, etc.) start with lighter bondage scenes (hands behind the back, spread-eagled on the bed, etc.), you can start with something small and easy for him to get right, like twenty minutes of cuddling in bed together on a Sunday morning before progressing to PIV sex.

Hey Dan: I’m a bisexual trans woman living in Europe. A couple of months ago, I began an amazing relationship with a woman who works as an escort. For a while, ev-

erything was as good as it gets, until I said something inconsiderate about her job and she took offense.

We were having a conversation about “what we were” (girlfriends? lovers? partners?) and any rules we’d like the other to observe, and I said I’d rather not see her after she’d been with a client, I’d rather wait until the next day. She took this as me thinking her job was “dirty,” which was absolutely not my intention. I explained that I’d spent ten years in open relationships and it was just a habit I was used to. (If you sleep with someone else, go home, take a shower, sleep off the emotions, see you tomorrow.) She said that her clients were not lovers, it’s completely different, and it would make seeing her complicated, as we work different hours. I immediately realized how she was right and said so. She was aloof for a few days afterward, and she eventually told me that she didn’t feel like she could be with someone who understood so little about her job. I pleaded with her to give me a second chance and told her that I’d never even met a sex worker before, so there was a learning curve for me, and she agreed that we could carry on seeing each other. But she remained distant, canceling plans and not replying, until she eventually told me that she was just too scared of getting hurt, because it’s happened so many times before. I was absolutely shattered. I spent the next few days drinking in bed and licking my wounds. I was falling in love with this woman, and I ruined it with my big mouth. After a couple of days, I started going about my life again. And soon enough, she started texting me, asking me how my day was, casual stuff, and it’s just really painful. I don’t know how to reply to her. If she has changed her mind, then I’ll date her again in a heartbeat, given how freaking amazing she is. But if she’s just (kind of inconsiderately) making conversation, then I can see myself getting my heart broken all over again. I’m torn between asking her to stop texting me and carrying on with the casual texting to see if anything comes of it. Any advice?

—Tearful Escort’s Ex Getting Really Lonely If you two couldn’t handle a simple misunderstanding, TEEGRL, how are you going to resolve a

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I said I’d rather not see her after she’d been with a client, I’d rather wait until the next day. She took this as me thinking her job was “dirty.” serious conflict? Or forgive a profound betrayal? You know, the kind of shit people in LTRs do?

Actually, I’m being unfair: You seem perfectly capable of handling this misunderstanding, TEEGRL, it was your ex-whatever-she-was (girlfriend? lover? partner?) who wasn’t able to handle it. But in fairness to her — I need to be fair to everybody — sex workers are often shamed by romantic partners who pretended, at the outset of the relationship, to be fine with their jobs. Your comment about not wanting to see her after she was with a client could reasonably be interpreted as whorephobic. But your explanation — it was a rule in all your past open relationships — was reasonable, and your ex-whatever-she-was, if she were a reasonable person, should have been able to see that.

And perhaps she is reasonable, TEEGRL. Maybe she started texting you about casual stuff because she feels bad about pulling away and sees now that she overreacted. To determine whether that’s the case — and to determine whether she’s still open to dating you — you’ll have to risk asking the dreaded direct question: “Hey, it’s great to hear from you! I’d love to pick up where we left off, if you’re still interested. Are you?

Please let me know!”

Check out Dan’s podcast at savagelovecast.com mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter ITMFA.org

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