Riverfront Times, December 15, 2021

DECEMBER 15–21, 2021 I VOLUME 45 I NUMBER 49

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THE LEDE

PHOTO BY THEO WELLING

“It’s the communities for us, and we really try our level best to make sure that we service the community with the products that they need, the price that they need and the respect that they need, which is really important.”

SOLL’S GATEWAY MARKET OWNER AHAD AFTAB (SECOND FROM RIGHT), PHOTOGRAPHED WITH EMPLOYEES (FROM LEFT) JARMON MILLER, KOBE MOORE, ALANDA BURLEY AND RAYMOND STEPHENS IN THE FOUNTAIN PARK NEIGHBORHOOD GROCERY STORE ON FRIDAY DECEMBER 10.

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Something New

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lip a few pages and you can read more about Missouriland, a new feature we’re trying out at the RFT. It’ll be a space for photographers to show us parts of this amorphous place we share but don’t always see. We’re not really sure

how it’s going to work out, but if Reuben Hemmer’s opener on Riverport Riot sparkplug Stump Stephenson is a sign of what’s to come, I can’t wait to see more. Let us know what you think, and suggestions for future tours in Missouriland are always welcome.

—Doyle Murphy, editor in chief

TABLE OF CONTENTS Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Doyle Murphy

E D I T O R I A L Managing Editor Daniel Hill Digital Content Editors Jenna Jones, Jaime Lees Food Editor Cheryl Baehr Staff Writer Danny Wicentowski Contributors Eric Berger, Jeannette Cooperman, Mike Fitzgerald, Eileen G’Sell, Kathy Gilsinan, Reuben Hemmer, Ryan Krull, Andy Paulissen, Justin Poole, Jack Probst, Richard Weiss, Theo Welling, Ymani Wince Columnists Thomas Chimchards, Ray Hartmann Editorial Interns Phuong Bui, Zoë Butler, Madyson Dixon A R T

& P R O D U C T I O N Art Director Evan Sult Production Manager Haimanti Germain M U L T I M E D I A A D V E R T I S I N G Associate Publisher Colin Bell Account Managers Emily Fear, Jennifer Samuel Director of Business Development Brittany Forrest, Rachel Hoppman Director of Marketing and Events Olia Friedrichs Regional Director of Marketing and Events Kristina Linden

COVER

Welcome to Missouriland:

Stump Stephenson

C I R C U L A T I O N Circulation Manager Kevin G. Powers

The riotous life of a southside celebrity

E U C L I D M E D I A G R O U P Chief Executive Officer Andrew Zelman Chief Operating Officers Chris Keating, Michael Wagner VP of Digital Services Stacy Volhein www.euclidmediagroup.com

Cover photo by

REUBEN HEMMER

N A T I O N A L A D V E R T I S I N G VMG Advertising 1-888-278-9866, vmgadvertising.com

INSIDE The Lede Hartmann News Big Mad Feature Cafe Short Orders St. Louis Standards Reeferfront Times Culture Out Every Night Savage Love

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HARTMANN Political Hack Governor Mike Parson embraces tyranny with attack on reporter

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hen the governor of Missouri uttered strange words two months ago about using the Missouri State Highway Patrol to criminalize journalism, most of us thought he was just blowing off some steam.

He wasn’t.

Last week Governor Mike Parson doubled down publicly on his intention to pursue an investigation of a St. Louis Post-Dispatch reporter for an October 14 investigative story that embarrassed his administration. The piece by reporter Josh Renaud had revealed that the Social Security numbers of more than 100,000 teachers were compromised by a flaw on the website of the Department of Elementary and Secondary Education.

I attempted to contact Renaud but was referred to Joe Martineau, an attorney at Lewis Rice who represents the Post-Dispatch.

Martineau declined to discuss details of the case but did confirm that the highway patrol had indeed opened the investigation and had interviewed Renaud.

Wow. Parson wasn’t bluffing when he threatened to take the extraordinary step of deploying a law-enforcement agency under his command to get back at that dang reporter. Vladimir Putin is green with envy.

This is truly not OK. And ignorance — no matter how plentiful its supply — cannot possibly serve as an excuse for Parson.

No public official in America gets to abuse power vested in them to investigate, punish or intimidate a journalist. Not a president, not a governor, not a mayor, not anyone possessing authority over law-enforcement resources.

Freedom of the press is firmly ensconced in the Bill of Rights, right there in the First Amendment, the one Parson skips over every night as he rereads the Second Amendment before turning in. Governors don’t get to sic police on reporters who write sto-

ries they don’t like. Full stop.

There’s a word for this: tyranny. Not the watered-down, diminished “tyranny” that random idiots misapply to public-health orders designed to save lives.

No, this is the “oppressive ruler” or “cruel master” version from which the term evolved.

The government doesn’t lock up journalists over their journalism in America. But didn’t we already know that?

One of the terrible repercussions of the 24/7 news cycle is that it robs people of perspective. Both sides of the Great Divide traffic in constant outrage and hyperbole to the point everyone becomes the boy who cried wolf when a real catastrophe arrives.

If routine affronts are routinely labeled existential, what are people supposed to call the existential ones? What happens when a fire drill cannot be distinguished from a real blaze?

Parson’s instinct to prosecute a journalist is the governmental equivalent of a forest fire. This wrongdoing on his part must stand apart from the noise.

It would have been bad enough had Parson sought judicial relief by suing the Post-Dispatch based on his cockamamie assumptions.

For that, however, the governor might have needed to enlist the services of Attorney General Eric Schmitt, and he’s preoccupied suing school districts and drowning liberals’ puppies.

But Parson did not do that. He violated all principle and precedent and called in the highway patrol’s Digital Forensic Unit to do his political dirty work (along with the Cole County prosecutor).

It is almost incidental to the story that Parson is thoroughly wrong about the facts of the case.

His slanderous description of Renaud as a “hacker” was just stunning for its “English as a second language” feel, even by the governor’s standards.

Hackers don’t customarily advise the “hackees” that they might want to fix what’s wrong as a professional courtesy. That’s precisely what Renaud and the newspaper did by alerting the state to the problem and then holding up publication of the story so that it didn’t cause harm.

That uncommon journalistic good deed was apparently going

Governors don’t get to sic police on reporters who write stories they don’t like. Full stop. There’s a word for this: tyranny. to garner a letter of thanks — based on a draft email — from Department of Elementary and Secondary Education Commissioner Margie Vandeven, according to a subsequent Post-Dispatch report.

Somehow, that never saw the light of day.

In case you’re puzzled as to why, look no further than the quasiliterate statement Parson made about Renaud at his initial press conference on the matter: “This individual is not a victim. They were acting against the state agency to compromise teachers’ personal information in an attempt to embarrass the state and sell headlines for their news outlet.”

Not sure where to start here.

Setting aside that annoying syntax thing, did Parson say the quiet part out loud by accusing the suddenly plural Renaud of having tried “to embarrass the state and sell headlines for their news outlet”?

So, that’s the theory of the case.

What’s the crime here? Simple.

Why, he “embarrassed the state.”

As for the governor dismissing a solid piece of investigative journalism as “selling headlines for a news outlet,” well now that’s embarrassing the state.

But that pales next to the scarystupid assertion by Parson that Renaud was “acting against the state agency to compromise teachers’ personal information.” Really? By publishing a story for the obvious purpose of un-compromising the information?

What is wrong with this guy?

Now, being of a certain age — like me — Parson might be forgiven for not having known the difference between words like

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“encoded” and “encrypted.” But he ought to know there are people out there who could have explained it to him, like Shaji Khan, a cybersecurity professor at the University of Missouri-St. Louis, a state institution as luck would have it.

Here’s what the Post-Dispatch attributed to Khan when the story broke in October: “The data on DESE’s website was encoded but not encrypted.

No one can view encrypted data without the specific decryption key used to hide the data. But encoded just means the data is in a different format and can be relatively easily decoded and viewed.

“Anybody who knows anything about development — and the bad guys are way ahead — can easily decode that data,” Khan said. He added that the bigger problem was that DESE had the sensitive data on the website at all.

So, the technical explanation is that Renaud did not employ any sort of aggressive or intrusive or improper action to ascertain the data flaw that jeopardized the privacy of all those teachers. Just as important, that’s the commonsense explanation as well.

What Parson has done by initiating his criminal investigation of a journalist for embarrassing him is far more impeachable than the epic sleaziness of his predecessor, the disgraced Eric Greitens. He is a lucky man that the General Assembly is overwhelmingly controlled by his political party.

Parson is the same governor who has spent nearly two years insisting that it would represent government overreach to enact public-health regulations to combat the spread of COVID-19, as the vast majority of states not named Missouri have done. More than 15,700 Missourians have died during the pandemic.

But Parson has moved on from that. There’s a journalist who needs locking up, after all.

Someone, please hack into a U.S. Constitution for this man.

Ray Hartmann founded the Riverfront Times in 1977. Contact him at rhartmann1952@gmail.com or catch him on Donnybrook on at 7 p.m. on Thursdays on the Nine Network and St. Louis In the Know With Ray Hartmann from 9 to 11 p.m. Monday thru Friday on KTRS (550 AM).

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Help a Snowy Owl — and Stay Away Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

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snowy owl showing signs of distress has become a subject of concern for local wildlife organizations in the St. Louis region.

On December 1, a team of naturalists from the World Bird Sanctuary attempted to capture the owl, which has likely traveled thousands of miles from its native Arctic home in search of food.

CJ White, a naturalist with the sanctuary, tells RFT that the bird of prey is in danger of being “harassed to exhaustion.”

“It was something that we had to, we had to step in,” White says of the rescue attempt, which failed when the owl flew over a body of water. White says he saw numerous bystanders at the scene, including photographers, who have been trailing the owl for days.

The problem is that these owls are far from home. As White explains, the owls making the trip tend to be young and searching for food amid a shortage of their usual diet of lemmings. It may also be that these recently matured owls are being forced to range outside the massive territories of their parents, flying further and further south in search of their own hunting grounds.

By the time the owls make it to St. Louis, they are on their last reserves of energy, and they may only have the strength for a few hunting attempts before they’re too slow and harried to close in on a mouse or other small rodents. By then, it’s too late, and the snowy owls simply starve.

White says he wants the public to recognize that they are pursuing an animal that needs its space to hunt to survive. The people trampling into its path may believe they’re just taking a photo of the ruffled Hedwig from the Harry Potter films, but they may be also contributing to its death.

“Whenever people are taking

Snowy owls (like this one photographed in Michigan) make rare trips south in search of food. | JENNA KOPP

pictures from, say, a football field away, 300 feet, they might think that ‘Oh, I just got this great picture,’ but if they’re parking their car and they’re getting out and they’re walking around through grasses to try to get a few angles, then the mice and the smaller prey that this animal has been surviving off of is not going to be there,” he says.

Similar disruptive reactions to the presence of snowy owls have played out over the last decade, White says. He suggests the situation has become worse in the last two or three years, as social media has made it easier for the public to share and track the snowy owls’ rare appearances in St. Louis.

White says he’s known of multiple snowy owls that were essentially pursued to death by photographers around St. Louis. While the sanctuary has managed to capture some snowy owls in distress, in other cases the animals are too far gone for medical care.

White now fears for the handful of other snowy owls that have been spotted in the region this month; he also notes that staging rescue

missions has been made more difficult by the competing presence of sightseers and photographers.

The presence of the snowy owl — and its human followers — was also acknowledged in a December 1 Facebook post by the Audubon Center at Riverlands in St. Charles.

“As birds, such as this young female snowy owl, seek refuge and refueling at Riverlands or elsewhere, we ask that everyone follow basic but very important etiquette when viewing or photographing wildlife,” the center said in its post, which included a link to the organization’s guide to ethical bird photography.

On December 9, the center posted an example of an ethically captured photo of the snowy owl, writing that its visit has caused “quite a stir and sparked a number of amazing photos.”

Indeed, several local photographers have posted shots of the same snowy owl on Facebook.

While some of this attention has been disruptive, White stresses that he’s not attacking all wildlife photographers. He says that it takes a level of consideration —

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and the right equipment, including telephoto lenses — to ensure photographers don’t become part of a potentially fatal owl paparazzi.

“We have to find that middle ground,” he says. “The animal still has to be able to hunt, and you can take your pictures. You can see them by using binoculars, spotting scopes, cameras with longer lenses — but if we’re interfering with that animal, then they’re not going to be able to continue.”

The World Bird Sanctuary is asking the public to contact the center (636-225-4390) or other state wildlife organizations if they see a snowy owl showing signs of distress. Evidence that something is wrong includes the owl spending extended time on the ground or having iced-over feet.

In a January PSA, the sanctuary’s executive director Dawn Griffard said that the public needs to give the owls space. “They’re very hungry when they get here,” she said. “They’re a little bit emaciated, and if they hunt and don’t find food right away, then it just gets worse from there.”

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Encroachers Reproached Post-Dispatch safe from hedge fund takeover, for now Written by

RYAN KRULL

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t. Louis Post-Dispatch parent company Lee Enterprises announced December 9 that their board of directors rejected the offer from New York City-based hedge fund Alden Global Capital to buy Lee for $24 a share.

“The Alden proposal grossly undervalues Lee and fails to recognize the strength of our business today, as the fastest-growing digital subscription platform in local media, and our compelling future prospects,” says Lee Chairman Mary Junck in a news release.

In November, Alden announced

Tucker Carlson and the Cardinals Superfan Written by

DANNY WICENTOWSKI

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t. Louis Cardinals fans know him as the Rally Runner. But viewers of Fox News’ Tucker Carlson on December 6 were introduced to the Cardinals superfan — who can be seen running circles around Busch Stadium at game time — as an “agent provocateur” who supposedly helped cause the January 6 riots in the U.S. Capitol.

There are layers of weird here. As revealed last week by the Huffington Post, on January 6, the man who dons an allred outfit for his favorite baseball team swapped his Cardinals hat for a MAGA one: Photos and videos on social media show him participating in the rally, and he described the experience in his own posts. In one Facebook video transcript cited by the Huffington Post, he talked about how he had acquired a riot shield, and, while facing a line of police, “pushed them all the way into the doors.”

“I’m right at the front of it and got through those doors into the Capitol, and that’s when reinforcements came,” he told his Facebook audience.

In 2015, the Rally Runner was featured as part of a Riverfront Times cover story about several dedicated Cardinals superfans. Giving his name as “Max

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its unsolicited bid to buy Lee, which owns more than 70 newspapers, mostly in the Midwest.

The news was cause for concern for the future of St. Louis’ paper of record. Alden has a history of gutting newspapers it owns.

“People are going to feel better that Lee is fighting it,” says Jeff Gordon, a sportswriter for the Post-Dispatch as well as the president of the United Media Guild.

The union represents Post-Dispatch employees as well as other media workers from across the Midwest.

But even with Lee’s announcement, the hostile takeover attempt may not be over.

“The question becomes: How far is Alden willing to go?” Gordon says. “Is there an offer Alden can make that will change [Lee’s major shareholders’] minds? Twenty-four dollars a share didn’t do it. What would? Or is Alden going to decide it’s not worth it?” When Alden bought Tribune Publishing, the parent company of the Chicago Tribune and other papers, a bid of $14.25 a share was rejected in December 2020 by the Tribune Power,” the Rally Runner explained that the team’s 2011 World Series run had prompted a series of spiritual visions. He explained at the time, “When I run, the Cardinals are better.”

But in a recent segment of Tucker Carlson’s hugely popular show, the Rally Runner was accused by a lawyer representing defendants charged in the January 6 riot of being “clearly a law enforcement officer.”

The attorney, Joseph McBride, represents some of the same rioters featured in Carlson’s “Patriot Purge” series, which attempts to argue that the people facing charges and prison sentences for their actions on January 6 are innocent because the entire insurrection was actually a “false flag” attack and instigated by undercover law enforcement and FBI. In this context, Tucker and McBride argue that the fact that some known participants in the day’s riots have gone unarrested is proof that they were working undercover to stoke the violence.

In his remarks to Carlson, McBride breathlessly noted that video of the Rally Runner — who was initially labeled by online sleuths as “Redface45” — appeared on video from January 6 “covered in red from head to toe” and that “his face is painted MAGA red.”

McBride continued, claiming that

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St. Louis’ largest newspaper can breathe a sigh of relief. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI board, which later agreed to sell for $17.25 a share in February.

“It’s a question only Alden can answer,” Gordon says, “[whether] they’ll move on or try to come back with something more attractive.”

In a separate news release, Lee announced what they called a “strong fourth quarter” this year, including 37 percent growth in digital revenue and 65 percent growth in digital-only subscriptions.

bullshit: Rally Runner isn’t an unknown figure, and any claim that he’s an undercover FBI agent or cop has to contend with the fact that literally thousands of people have witnessed (and even highfived) the local character as he runs laps around a baseball stadium.

This reality appeared to shake even McBride. According to the Huffington Post, when confronted with details about who the Rally Runner actually is, the lawyer initially defended his claim, but eventually “shifted a bit” when presented with more details. According to the report, the lawyer said he was defending his clients and “didn’t need to be right,” and added, “If I’m A December 6 segment of Tucker Carlson Tonight featuring wrong, so be it, bro. I don’t St. Louis’ Rally Runner. | SCREENSHOT VIA FOX NEWS care. I don’t give a shit about being wrong.”

The irony, of course, is In response, Tucker interjected to that the Rally Runner clearly believes wonder why face-recognition technology in the sort of conspiracy theories being wasn’t being used to identify the mystery spread by the likes of Carlson and Mcman in red: “Who is this person? Why Bride. His Facebook page is filled with conspiracy memes and reshares — inhasn’t he been charged?”

The question about the Rally Runner’s cluding those from Carlson’s show — legal status has some merit: The Huffing- claiming the 2020 election was stolen ton Post reported that on January 6 he and that the January 6 riots “were setup “filmed himself unlawfully ascending the by evil democrats.”

In January, the Rally Runner posted inauguration platform” and posted footage “near the front of the battle at the to Facebook that he had been visited western entrance to the Capitol, where by the FBI and police. He said they were only interested in his video footage from several police officers were injured.”

The problem with Carlson and Mc- January 6, writing, “they see me as a witBride’s theory is that it is complete ness.” the red-faced man had directly supplied weapons to the rioters. Curiously, while conceding the rioters actually used those weapons — including “sledgehammers, poles [and] mace” — McBride suggested to Carlson that they did so “for reasons that we cannot comprehend.”

THE BIG MAD Olympian Efforts Schmitt’s shit, COVID consequences and an Amazon primed for disaster Compiled by

DANIEL HILL

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elcome back to the Big Mad, the RFT’s weekly roundup of righteous rage! Because we know your time is short and your anger is hot: Sick of Schmitt’s Shit: Eric Schmitt’s ongoing and wholly cynical war against the basic tenets of science and human decency reached a remarkable new low this week when the man who has been using the Office of the Missouri Attorney General as campaign headquarters for his senate run requested that parents snitch on schools that still have mask mandates in place (even going so far as to suggest they send pictures of children to the government, which seems, uh, intrusive). Honestly, Eric makes this column so often we’re getting bored of writing about him, so we’ll keep this succinct: Fuck this disingenuous and sorry excuse for a so-called “public servant,” and fuck the way he’s consistently used his office not for the betterment of Missourians, but to advance his own ambitions. We deserve better.

Primed for Disaster: There’s plenty of mad to go around in the wake of the unprecedented December tornado which killed at least 90, including six in Edwardsville when an Amazon warehouse collapsed there. Where to begin? First, there is Amazon itself. The company has been re-introducing a pre-COVID policy forbidding employees to carry smartphones on the job. In the event of a natural disaster, that means not getting alerts and not being able to communicate with loved ones. The mad we feel only swells with news that Amazon’s founder, and world’s second-richest man, spent the morning after the tornado celebrating a celebrity space launch before issuing his condolences. Then came the revelation that the warehouses themselves were woefully inadequate to resist a tornado.

As bad as Amazon looks in all this, they didn’t cause the tornado. Tornadoes are a fact of life in our part of the world, but up until very recently, a tornado of this magnitude in December was unheard of.

The sad reality is that tornados will only get worse, and tornado season may be-

come year-round.

COVID Consequences: A northwest Missouri school district started its Christmas break early. Dealing with a spike in COVID-19 cases, exposures and other illnesses among staff and students, the school board of South Nodaway R-IV voted on Monday to cancel the rest of the semester. Schools superintendent Dustin Skoglund writes in a letter to parents he hopes the time off allows everyone to recover and “to celebrate the holiday with their families.” Staff shortages had already forced the cancelation of Monday’s and Tuesday’s classes. Hours before the vote on the rest of the semester, Missouri state Senator Dan Hegeman, who represents the area, published his latest newsletter, supporting a crackdown on public health orders designed to slow COVID-19. He pointed out that Eric Schmitt is going after school districts still imposing mask mandates. Hegeman took no issue with that, noting that a Cole County judge had ruled against health department orders (but omitting that Schmitt, ostensibly representing the state in the case, was technically on the losing side).

“Yes, it is imperative to ‘follow the science,’ but it’s also important to realize we cannot be kept safe from everything,” Hegeman writes. “We cannot live in a bubble and be protected by the government at all times. ... We have to trust in God, as well as our friends and neighbors, in order to continue to live our lives in the best way possible.” At South Nodaway schools, that now means canceling classes and hoping they have enough healthy people to reopen next year.

Hop On In: A PR firm says its research shows Missouri’s beer-drinking over the festive season would fill 171 Olympicsized swimming pools, good enough to make Missouri the third-most drinkingest state in terms of holiday-timed hypothetical pool volume. This got us thinking. Not about beer, but a far safer substance that Missourians seem far less interested in putting in their body. See, with just 52 percent of our population vaccinated, Missouri has the eleventh-lowest vaccine rate in the country, with about 2.9 million people unvaxxed. If all those people took a .3 milliliter Pfizer dose, those millions of missing shots would fill about 230 gallons of vaccine, which ... actually wouldn’t look that impressive in an Olympic-standard 600,000-gallon pool.

Then again, you don’t need any gimmicky math metaphors to know that vaccines work. Missouri still has a long way to swim before we can really get festive again, but when that day comes: Sure, we’ll drink a pool or two.

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welcome to missouriland There is something that runs through this place where we live. It’s hard to describe, but you know it when you see it. It’s there in dive bars of south city, but also on the floor of a Missouri River casino. It’s in Wash Ave and the empty two-lane highways that roll over low, gorgeous hills. It’s Nelly and the Ozarks, pork steaks and throwed rolls. And you can feel it even beyond state lines in Sauget and East St. Louis. Capturing all that is an impossible task, but we decided to start by giving it a name, Missouriland. This week, we begin the exploration, guided by Reuben Hemmer. His frequent travels, camera in hand, helped inspire this new, recurring RFT feature, so it seemed right for him to kick it off in grand fashion with a special cover story on one of Missouriland’s fascinating characters, Stump Stephenson of Riverport Riot fame.

Even (especially?) if you’ve somehow never heard of Stump, you’re going to want to read this and check out the gallery of photos Reuben has collected in recent months.

In the future, we’ll have more photographers, more guides and more of the poignant and weird in this place. There’s plenty of Missouriland to see. —Doyle Murphy

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t’s a sunny summer afternoon in St. Louis, and the Saddle Tramps are partying hard.

Tucked away in the mostly industrial Patch neighborhood of south city, the local motorcycle club has pulled out all the stops to give area two-wheel enthusiasts a celebration to remember, providing an opportunity for them to showcase their custom choppers while knocking back beers and enjoying some live music. A cover band is on hand to deliver the hard-rocking hits, and anticipation has been building all day for the start of that most proper of South Broadway celebrations: a wet T-shirt contest.

In the heart of all of the humidity and exhaust smoke, the band launches into Ted Nugent’s “Stranglehold” to the delight of the adoring audience. The group’s vocalist, a man wearing a pierced fedora and using a battle axe for a microphone stand, easily commands the attention of the crowd throughout the duration of the 1975 hit, as well as some similarly classic tracks from Alice Cooper and Black Sabbath. The more the band plays — and the more the man sings — the more pumped the crowd of bikers gets.

I didn’t realize it at the time, but there’s a good reason for their enthusiasm: As it turns out, the man with the microphone is nothing short of south-city royalty. I’d come to the event to take photos, and yet I didn’t know that I was in the presence of one of the key figures in one of the most infamous events in St. Louis rock & roll history.

Soon after, the band wraps up, the hoses are drawn out and the crowd gathers together for the main event. The chosen administrator of the wet T-shirt contest is none other than the lead singer, and it’s evident this is not his first rodeo.

I was able to take numerous photos of the lively contestants and attendees, but one particular photo stuck out. The shot consisted of the singer’s eyes laser-focused on the desired target, with a joyful contestant dancing under the arc of the hose water.

A month or so later, I used the wet T-shirt contest photo for a gallery opening at the Granite City Art and Design District. A coworker of mine brought a biker friend to the opening, and when he came across the photo his eyes lit up with recognition.

“Do you know who that is?” he asked, to which I shook my head.

“That’s Stump, man!”

Delighted to finally learn the name of the singer who’d so enthralled me, and even more to learn his name is Stump, I asked him, “Who is Stump?”

“Stump Stephenson,” he replied. “That’s the dude who Axl Rose tackled in ’91! You know the Riverport Riot? That’s him!”

I could not believe my luck. I have always been fascinated by the story of the Riverport Riot, and have long thought that the person Axl Rose

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tackled seemed like such a character. I wanted to learn more about Stump, and, importantly, I wanted to let Stump know there was a photo of him hanging up in an art gallery.

So I tracked down the man himself at a biker rally in High Ridge, Missouri, where his band Southside 5 was performing. I approached Stump just before he took the stage and informed him about the photo, to which he replied, “You mean to tell me there is a photo of me hosing down babes at a wet T-shirt contest hanging up in an art gallery?” I happily confirmed.

Quite a few Mike’s Hard Lemonades later, Stump opened up about his world of outlaw bikers and rock & roll. For the past six months, Stump

Sam Burke: Where on the south side did you grow up?

Stump: I was born at the old St. Anthony’s hospital, and I have lived all over the state streets.

From Cherokee to River Des Peres, I’ve probably lived on twenty different places all over the south side.

Stump Stephenson with his custom-built Harley after a ride out to Granite City, Illinois. | REUBEN HEMMER

has let me document his performances, recounted bits and pieces of his life, and ultimately gave his side of the story about the Riverport Riot.

So much media attention regarding the event focused on Axl Rose and Guns N’ Roses, yet Stump’s story is arguably just as interesting. From owning a fleet of limos to falling out of a hot-air balloon, from hosting Bible studies to spending decades photographing rock concerts, Stump has lived several lifetimes.

So, with help from my stepbrother and lifelong southsider Sam Burke, I’ve compiled photos and interviews detailing Stump’s life in south city, his version of the Riverport Riot and how that fateful event still affects him 30 years later.

How did growing up on the south side influence your upbringing?

We’re a little more rough-edged than the county people like Ladue or wherever. Ya gotta be a little more rough out here. Cherokee and Broadway were some wild places then. Thankfully I have plenty of friends and family all based here, and we all look out for each other. We still had to do what we could to survive, though.

If anybody knows anything about St. Louis back in the day, they knew “Concert Don” was the dude.

He was a scalper, and I bought my first concert ticket from him, front row for Kiss. I mowed lawns all summer just to buy it. I was only thirteen at the time, and got hooked on rock & roll from then on. A few years later I came out of a Journey concert and saw Concert Don hanging out, and wondered why he was still camping out. Don told me, “How do you think I get all of those front-row tickets?’” Which I replied, “I’ll be right back!” From then on I was scalping tickets until computers came along. We would change out hats and disguises; it worked out great. I did get busted, though, by a cop in a KSHE shirt. I came across him again later on and yelled to everyone, “That dude’s a cop!” and I never saw him down there again. These were all harmless things we had to do on the south side to make do. I call myself a “fair thug” — wouldn’t do anything to hurt anybody.

So much of St. Louis is represented in your home. I noticed some old Busch Stadium chairs and other memorabilia in your backyard.

What’s the story behind that?

Continued on pg 15

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STUMP

Continued from pg 13

Oh yeah I have so much, mostly from whenever those places got knocked down. I also got AstroTurf from the ’82 World Series. I jumped off that wall and with a buck knife carved a big ol’ piece of that thing and put it right in my backyard. It was much different back then. Do you remember the Super Jam events they used to put on? Back at them old crazy Super Jam events dudes would just be up there with rope tied together, drop that shit down and pull you up.

What got you involved with the Saddle Tramps?

I graduated high school in ’84, and I knew I wanted to be a Saddle Tramp of a rock star. Outlaw rock & roll biker, that is my goal.

My family has been in the club forever. There’s a lot of politics involved — once you put that patch on your back, you’re representing 60 years of integrity. Contrary to all of the “Sons of Malarkey” stuff you see on TV, there is so much good we do. You never hear about our Toys for Tots rides, but once someone gets a DUI or gets in trouble with the law, it’s all over the news. In the last ten years or so motorcycles have also become a fashion thing. You see businessmen are riding Harleys; it’s not a dangerous outlaw thing anymore.

It makes me wanna get a suit and a briefcase, you know, the whole nerd pack, just to do something different. It’s funny because I’m considered an older dude now. I don’t like it! I don’t like sitting at the end of the bar, man. I’m a ruffian and a knucklehead, you’ll see!

Stump, head wet T-shirt administrator, hosing down contestants at a Saddle Tramps bike show. | REUBEN HEMMER

Prior to the events of Riverport, had you taken photos of Axl Rose before?

Oh yeah, man, when they opened up for Aerosmith before, and I had Axl posing like a Penthouse model. He was all cool with it. I’ve been taking pictures as long as I have been riding motorcycles, concerts from all over.

Mostly it was never an issue, but I knew that in some places photography wasn’t allowed. I would carry a dummy film with me just in case; it was all part of the catand-mouse game. If you would film me and my buddies running around at these concerts you’d get Beavis and Butthead. Have you ever seen that movie Detroit Rock City? That is so my life!

Stump’s framed courtroom sketch of Axl Rose and himself are part of a vast personal collection of rock & roll memorabilia. | REUBEN HEMMER Continued on pg 17

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dex and feathers. It was so crazy, man. Security was also confused, because usually they’re protecting the band from the crowd, but it was the other way around. After me and him tussled around on the ground for a little bit, someone snatched him off of me. Once I sat up, I realized my back was really screwed up. Knocked the wind all out of me. At this point in time I was looking for my knife, and my cousin just looked at me and said, “No!” I then looked up at the jumbotron and saw myself on the jumbotron. I’m a short dude, so it was wild to see myself so big ... never seen myself like that before. The rest of that night was so weird, man, time was so elusive.

Things really started to kick off.

What I remember is being taken on a gurney as the riot was really beginning. I was seeing bottles and cans and chairs being thrown around, and all of the sudden I see a bush on fire go right over me. A burning bush. That’s when I knew this whole thing was of biblical proportions. I laid up in the hospital watching it all on TV; they were covering it immediately because it was a full-scale riot. My mom later told me that she knew it was me once they mentioned “camera, concerts.” “I knew it was you!” she said.

Stump and his band Southside 5 performing at the Babies Born Addicted benefit concert in High Ridge, Missouri. | REUBEN HEMMER

STUMP

Continued from pg 15

In your words, what happened that night at Riverport?

Riverport was brand new at this point, and I was just as excited to see this place as anyone else. It was no different than any other day, so me and Beavis and Butthead got our film, then hopped on our bikes and headed to the concert. We got in the front row, and I always try to give the band a Sad-

dle Tramps card with my name on it and stuff. Sometimes they read it; I’ve had Motley Crue pull me on stage, I’ve had Whitesnake bring us backstage, but this was the first time I ever had someone look at my club card and act like a little bitch. He threw it down, and all I thought was, “Well, you’re not gonna get your picture with the Stump.” I blew it off as the concert went on. They began playing “Rocket Queen” when I took the photo, and all of the sudden I realized Axl was screaming and point-

ing right at me. I started moving around, but his finger kept following me. At that point I thought, “Oh shit, he’s on me.” I immediately yelled for my friend, and I handed him the camera because there was no way they were getting this film. As soon as I turned around, boom! It all happened so fast. It also seems like an eternity. It was so surreal, because of all the celebrities why couldn’t it have been Gene Simmons or a Spice Girl, you know? Instead it was a Rocket Queen in span-

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What was it like having court with Axl Rose?

It was wild, man, I was in court for three weeks with him. They were more focused on the motorcycle club than anything, because some other Saddle Tramp guys got in trouble, and some other stupid shit. It was a feeding frenzy on that. I’m squeaky clean, and they were trying to affiliate me with the thugs in the club. They subpoenaed a bunch of felons that don’t even like Guns N’ Roses, and I was ready to get beat up by my own people. Then people started making comic books about me and shit. It was crazy — it didn’t even look anything like me! It was all based on attacking the club, and Axl had his lawyers follow me down to Daytona Bike Week. They tried to say I couldn’t be hurt because I was riding my motorcycle all over the beach and hanging out at strip clubs. What those dipshits don’t know is that I experienced trauma, and my doctor told me the best thing to do was clear my head. That beach and those strip clubs were therapeutic! They were just waiting for me to mess up; it was all a front for the feds.

Stupid questions about the club, constantly. They were trying to

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ARY •JANUAR NU

ARY • JANUAR U N

JANUARY • JA

2022 Y•

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TRANSFORMING THE FACTORY INTO THE FRONTIER RIVERFRONT TIMES PROUDLY SUPPORTS STRAY RESCUE OF ST. LOUIS

BY DONATING A PORTION OF TICKET SALES FROM UNITED WE BRUNCH.

PRESALE TICKETS AVAILABLE AT

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don’t get that I’m still getting a sizable amount. All I can say is: Don’t go up to Ladue shopping with a Lemay pocket, you know what I mean? You get disappointed. I honestly didn’t mind getting screwed either way; I was enjoying the media. It’s all good, though. I have great friends and family that supported me. My mom walked around a radio station with a banner saying, “I’m the Mother of Stump, the One that Axl Thumped, Needless to Say, I am Here Today, Because on Axl I Want to Dump!” So I was feeling the love. One of the most profound moments was the Rolling Stones put together a giant “flip off” to Axl Rose at the Admiral. We all rode down there, had the crowd split like the Red Sea. There were a bunch of us flipping off Axl. A helicopter was there to get a bird’s-eye view.

It was incredible; you could feel the support.

STUMP

Continued from pg 17

equate it to the Altamont Concert where the Hells Angels stabbed a dude to death. I mean, shit, we had St. Louis Cardinals doing cocaine in ’82, but what do we do, take away the World Series? Doesn’t make the whole team bad. It was all generalization. I was cracking up because they were trying to say the Saddle Tramps had a black-market, underground-concert photo ring, and we were trying to sell them to Rolling Stone or some shit. I even told them I wish that was the case; I would have paid to shut the fuck up so I could be making some money. It was ridiculous. I even looked at Axl and said, “What would I gain from selling photos of that guy?”

What did they bring up about the concert?

They tried to show me some sign that said “No Camera, Weapons or Outside Alcohol” and asked if I saw that sign. I was straight-up honest with them: I saw a sign, but not that sign! The sign they brought into court looked like a billboard off of 270. I let them know I had everything on me but a gun — whiskey down my pants and all. This is rock & roll, man. They also had me and Axl sitting side by side when they showed footage of the concert. It was kinda weird: When they played “Rocket Queen” I couldn’t help but rock out in my chair. My lawyers were looking at me like, “Would you stop it?”

But I can’t stop it, I’m a rocker! This is kick ass! The jury is watching us, and Axl’s looking at me all crazy.

How have all of these events changed your outlook on life?

It may not have changed my outlook, but it has changed me. I mean, it’s 30 years later, and the media still calls me on July 2nd. Would I say I’m mad about it? No, I’m not gonna lie.

I like the attention, and it helps my band. It keeps my band promoted.

And now I’m gonna be in the Riverfront Times! This is also the publicity Axl hates too. “There he is again, being good, minding his own business and making music.”

Do you have any hobbies or interests that people may not know about?

Well, I know I’m not very subtle.

I’m pretty exposed: choppers, guns, music, explosives ... but I do like to think I have a great interior decorator’s eye. A lot of my gal pals call me up and ask me to do their living room.

What was it like with friends and family at this time?

It was mostly all good, man, but you find out who are your friends and who ain’t your friends once you’re on MTV and start making a buttload of money. Motherfuckers from high school you haven’t heard from in forever start calling you, chicks in Beemers and Corvettes that would usually run a red light to get away from us would pull over. It’s all about how you perceive and take it, though.

Were you happy with your settlement?

Looking back in retrospect about everything, man, if I would have been a little older and mature about things I would have done some things differently. As far as the settlement goes, I was just caught up in the glitz and glamour of everything. The money really didn’t even matter. We first attempted to sue for $1.1 million, and when you start thinking, ya know ... even if I

T Stump admiring the work of St. Louis-based artist Janie Stamm at the Granite City Art and Design District. | REUBEN HEMMER

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hese days Stump’s life has slowed down, but only by a little. He is still representing the south side hard, living on the shores of the River Des Peres. His house could be a rock & roll museum, filled with countless amounts of music memorabilia, and an entire amphitheater built in his backyard for his annual “Call the Cops” party. There is even a VIP cabana for injured bikers featuring spare crutches, wheelchairs and a prosthetic leg. His band Southside 5 recently opened up for Tantric, and the group stays booked nearly every month.

But in between playing music and riding motorcycles, Stump’s main focus is now on family. “I’m a proud dad,” he says. “I love my daughters, and without my family or my kids, who knows where I would be?

“In the grave or in jail,” he muses after a beat. “Probably for doing something fun, though.”

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CAFE

[REVIEW]

Looking Good, Feeling Fine Timothy’s the Restaurant brings a twist on traditional upscale dining to Creve Coeur Written by

CHERYL BAEHR Timothy’s the Restaurant, 12710 Olive Boulevard, Creve Coeur; 314786-5301. Tues.-Sat. 4-10 p.m.

(Closed Sunday and Monday.)

S

itting at a black-tableclothed six-top inside Timothy’s elegant, dimly lit dining room sometime between the lobster pot pie and Caesar salad course, a flash of gold caught my eye. Roughly five inches long, the narrow metallic object was not merely a means to rid my table of puff-pastry crumbs, but a flashback. It had been years since I’d seen a crumber used in a restaurant — probably a decade and a half ago that one last graced my table, and not many more before that when, as a fine-dining server coming up in the late 1990s, the simple tool was considered a part of the uniform as essential as black non-slip shoes and a stiff white button-up.

At some point, this changed.

Bar towels subbed in for napkins, meatloaf showed up on every high-end menu, indie fast-casual spots became hubs of culinary innovation and food writers waxed on about the death of fine dining. Places that used crumbers, it seemed, became as much relics of dining past as the small gilded tools themselves.

Steven Manns, Timothy Metz and Shawn Olson disagreed with that sentiment. This past August, the three business partners opened Timothy’s as an unapologetic homage to the way they love to eat, crumbers and all. Located in a small storefront inside a

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Chef-owner Tim Metz. | MABEL SUEN larger strip mall in Creve Coeur, Timothy’s is their love song to the quintessential fine-dining experience that they’ve found so difficult to come by in recent years — one that brought them together in the first place.

Those seeds that would become Timothy’s were planted several years ago at Herbie’s in the Central West End. There, Manns worked as a lead server and would always take care of Metz and Olsen when they would come in for dinner. The three developed a friendship that eventually flourished outside of the restaurant; whether going out to eat or putting on elaborate dinner parties at their houses, food, drinks and hospitality were at the center of everything they did.

The more the friends engaged with their passion for food, the more Metz got into cooking. Completely self-taught, he began experimenting in his home kitchen a couple of decades ago, starting out by learning how to make dishes like Bolognese or risotto the correct way. As his confidence and skills grew over time, he became the one in his friend group who was called upon to do the cooking; it made sense, then, that when he, Manns and Olson put on dinner parties, Metz was the one in the

DECEMBER 15-21, 2021

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Lobster pot pie with peas, tarragon, cream sherry and puff pastry. | MABEL SUEN kitchen.

Over time, the three started talking about turning those justfor-fun dinners into a restaurant of their own. They had the background for it; Manns has extensive upscale-dining front-of-house experience, Olson has a degree in hospitality and restaurant management, and Metz, too, has a significant restaurant resume, including Pickles Deli in the Central West End and downtown,

which he and Olson have owned for the past fifteen years. As their discussions turned serious, the three began looking for locations and stumbled upon the former Olive Street Cafe in Creve Coeur.

Curious as to why the area lacked more independent restaurants, the three signed a lease and got to work transforming the once-casual cafe into the elegant bastion of fine dining they knew it could become.

perfect medium-rare and tender enough to cut with a butter knife. The meat was so mild flavored, I eschewed the accompanying chimichurri to enjoy it on its own.

Timothy’s scallops are some of the largest I’ve seen served in a restaurant, but their heft is only part of their allure. The sweet, tender shellfish were masterfully seared so that the top and bottom, dusted in smoked paprika, had a wonderful browned crust while the interior was as soft as butter. The scallops were served in a bowl with delicate turmeric corn broth and kernels of griddled corn, as well as edamame mash, that paired smartly with the other components.

Though it is difficult to save room for sweets at Timothy’s — especially when you order the resTimothy’s the Restaurant returns to a nostalgic era of fine dining. Pictured: lobster pot pie, scallops, key lime crème brulée, carrot cake fritters, taurant’s impossibly decNew Zealand lamb chops and fontina tater tots. | MABEL SUEN adent lobster mac and cheese as a side dish with your entrees — it is worth That work is impressive. In flavor of the dish’s namesake to crunch to the decadent, bisque- the effort. Carrot-cake fritters are like a cross between a cake pop place of the basic counter-service shine through in all of its earthy like contents.

Timothy’s Caesar salad reminds without the stick and a haute daytime spot, Manns, Olson and glory.

A first course of cheese dip is ba- you of why the dish is such a doughnut hole, resting atop rich Metz have built up a sleek modern space. The small restaurant sically classic fondue, a luxurious classic. Here, Metz and his team cream-cheese frosting. However, is divided into two parts; diners mélange of gruyere, fontina and expertly grill hunks of romaine the stunner was an off-the-menu enter into the bar-and-lounge parmesan adorned with a swirl of just enough to pick up delicious special of an apple-pie cream puff. area, outfitted with black cocktail hot sauce that made me want to smoky char without losing the The round, light-as-air crust was tables, red leather banquettes, bust out my mom’s 1970s-era pot green’s firm texture. The lettuce is served half opened like a clam charcoal and white walls, and an and forks. Though a restrained adorned with creamy dressing, its shell, then overfilled with luxuriopen kitchen. A doorway to the person would have been happy anchovy-forward flavor balanced ous pastry cream. Walnuts, apple left leads to the main dining room, simply dipping the accompanying out with a generous amount of butter and caramel covered the where black-tableclothed tables, griddled bread and Fuji apples lemon. Shaved parmesan cheese puff, giving it the feel of a highmidcentury-influenced brass into the concoction, I couldn’t re- and crouton add additional rich- end apple pie. Hopefully, this will chandeliers and cream-colored sist giving the fontina tater tots ness and crunch, and piquant end up in the restaurant’s regular I’d ordered as another appetizer drop peppers provide a burst of rotation. walls create a chic scene.

Between that cream puff and It’s the perfect canvas for Timo- a little dunk. Though really, the refreshment.

Entrees, too, are beautifully ex- the lobster pot pie, I’d made a thy’s excellent food. Together with tots are enough even without a his sous chef, William Mabry (for- cheese-dip coating, thanks to their ecuted. A filet of sirloin was pre- flaky mess of the table, which is merly of Herbie’s and Yolklore), cloud-like interior and crunchy pared to a spot-on medium-rare why I was so thankful to see that and served alongside butter-bast- crumber. With just the flick of her Metz has nailed the concept of golden exterior.

The lobster pot-pie appetizer ed asparagus and garlic mashed wrist, our excellent server was quintessential fine-dining fare that feels nostalgic without read- is satisfying enough both in taste potatoes. Hollandaise, enriched able to make the cloth as clean as ing as dated. Their success lies and size to make a main course. with lobster meat, was drizzled when I’d arrived — a little bit of in the execution. Escargot, for The lobster and pea filling, fla- over both the steak and the veg- magic, and a nod to a classic way instance, does not reinvent the vored with tarragon and a hint of etable; my only complaint is that of eating that Timothy’s has beauclassic appetizer but embraces sherry to bring out the shellfish’s I wished I was served an entire tifully brought to life. it; plump snails, tender yet with natural sweetness, is positively gravy boat of the mouthwatering a firm, springy texture (if you’ve silken. Atop it rests a flaky piece sauce so I could smother the plate Timothy’s the Restaurant had mushy escargot, you know) of puff pastry that diners are en- with it. That prowess with the Truffle mac and cheese ............................$16 are simply prepared in butter, couraged to take off, then spoon grill was also evident on the lamb Filet of sirloin ............................................$30 garlic and parsley, allowing the the filling over it, adding buttery chops, which were prepared to a Scallops ....................................................$35

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[BOOZE NEWS]

Tasting History Blue Wing Rye Whiskey resurrects a piece of St. Louis’ distilling past Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

B

ill Wittenberg always knew that his family had some connection to St. Louis preProhibition distilling history, but he never grasped the magnitude of that involvement until his curiosity led him down a rabbit hole and to the doorstep of a local historian who delivered a bombshell: Not only was his great-great-grandfather a prominent distiller; he operated one of the largest and most successful distilleries in the Midwest, called Blue Wing.

Now, Wittenberg has made it his mission to resurrect the oncethriving brand with Blue Wing Rye Whiskey, a small-batch product that was officially released in 2019 and is starting to gain steam in the St. Louis market. Made under his label, C.H. Wittenberg Distilling Co., Blue Wing is not simply a nod to his family’s past, but to St. Louis’ once-thriving distilling industry and, hopefully, its future.

“At the time my great-greatgrandfather founded Blue Wing, St. Louis was one of the largest cities in the U.S. and was considered the last jumping-off point,” Wittenberg says. “People think of St. Louis’ brewing history, but there were a lot of distilleries as well. Believe it or not, even at one point, Jack Daniels was based in St. Louis. Once Prohibition started sweeping America, Tennessee went dry about ten years before the rest of the country, so they moved their operations here.

There were several others here, too. We want to revive a part of that success that was only shut down because people were holier than thou.”

For Wittenberg, the path to resurrecting the long-shuttered

Blue Wing Rye Whiskey is a taste of St. Louis’ once-thriving distilling history. | BILL WITTENBERG Blue Wing has been roughly a decade in the making. After some basic internet research sparked his interest, he began working with local liquor historian Randy Huetsch, who filled in a lot of the pieces he’d been unable to find on his own. According to Huetsch, Blue Wing was a robust operation founded by Wittenberg’s greatgreat-grandfather, Charles Henry Wittenberg, in the late 1880s or early 1890s on the north side of the city, not far from Scott Joplin’s House. Though now just a vacant lot, the old Blue Wing was an integral piece of the neighborhood’s vibrant scene, filled with hotels, restaurants, bars and honkytonks.

Blue Wing enjoyed great success under Wittenberg’s greatgreat-grandfather for its rye and bourbon, and that success continued on after he passed it down to his son, Wittenberg’s great-grandfather. However, once Prohibition hit in 1920, the distillery was shuttered and eventually lost to the past until Wittenberg started digging.

After finding several pieces of Blue Wing memorabilia online

and through Huetsch, Wittenberg developed a clear picture of the company’s branding, including its label. Using that as inspiration, he set out to resurrect its signature product, at first experimenting in his garage, then researching partnerships with distilling companies around the country before connecting with Steve Neukomm of Square One Brewery & Distillery in Lafayette Square roughly nine years ago.

“I showed up on his doorstep and said, ‘I am Bill Wittenberg, and I want to start making rye whiskey,’” Wittenberg says. “I started telling him about my family, my interest in the small-batch craft movement and my interest in rye, as well as a fortuitous connection with him through a mutual distant cousin, and he agreed to help.”

With Neukomm’s help Wittenberg began working on recipes and crafted a few sample batches that they let sit for years because they both got busy. Then, in 2017, Neukomm reached out to Wittenberg to ask if he was still interesting in working in Blue Wing.

He enthusiastically agreed, and

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the two set out to recreate the brand’s long-lost rye to the best of their abilities, without having the original grain bill to go off of for a recipe. Instead, the two crafted their own unique grain bill, resulting in a smoky rye made from cottonwood-smoked barley malt sourced from Alamosa, Colorado.

After two years of aging, Wittenberg released a very limited amount of Blue Wing’s rye whiskey in 2019, though he counts 2020 as the official year of the launch — 100 years after his family’s distillery was shuttered. He notes that the brand is still very small scale, having produced 500 bottles in the past two years which are sold at nine local retailers, including the Wine & Cheese Place, Parker’s Table, Friar Tuck’s and the Beer and Sauce Shop. With 1,000 more currently aging, he is excited to see where not only his project goes, but how much his, and other local distilleries, can help bring back a piece of St. Louis history, one glass at a time.

“We feel like we have brought back a wooly mammoth by recreating this from scratch with our own hands,” Wittenberg says.

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WEDNESDAY, 12/15/21

SUNDAY, 12/19/21

TOMMY HALLORAN 4:30PM SEAN CANAN'S VOODOO PLAYERS PRESENTS: VOODOO PHISH 9PM

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THURSDAY, 12/16/21

TBA 5PM SOULARD BLUES BAND 9PM

COLT BALL 5PM JESSE FARRAR (OF OLD SALT UNION) & FRIENDS 9PM FRIDAY, 12/17/21

STEVE REEB 5PM ONE WAY TRAFFIC & SPILLIE NELSON 10PM SATURDAY ,12/18/21

ALL ROOSTERED UP 12PM MOM'S KITCHEN 10PM 24

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ERIC LYSAGHT 9PM

ORDER ONLINE FOR CURBSIDE PICKUP!

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[FOOD NEWS]

Here’s the Scoop Serendipity Homemade Ice Cream in Webster Groves to close, will reopen next spring in the Grove Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

F

or the past eighteen years, Serendipity Homemade Ice Cream (8130 Big Bend Boulevard, Webster Groves; 314-962-2700) has been a staple of the Webster Groves food scene, bringing joy and sweet treats to patrons from its storefront in the heart of the city’s Old Orchard shopping district. Now, that era is drawing to a close; the shop’s owner, Beckie Jacobs, announced that she will be closing the Webster Groves location on December 23, citing the inability of her and her landlord to reach a new lease agreement as the reason for the closure. Jacobs will reopen her ice cream business in the Grove sometime in the spring of 2022.

“This is so bittersweet for me,” says Jacobs in a release announcing the closure and new location.

“After eighteen beloved years in Webster Groves, my customers have truly become family. Unfortunately, I’ve been unable to come to an agreement with my landlord, who terminated my lease, and I’ve been unsuccessful in finding a suitable, alternative location in Webster at this time. Fortunately, my plans for a new location in The Grove have been in the works for quite some time and we’ve got some super cool changes in store for our guests with our new City location.”

Jacobs opened Serendipity in 2003, modeling her business off the ice cream parlors she used to visit when she was a kid growing up in St. Louis. Though she admitted to the RFT in a 2010 interview that she wasn’t necessarily passionate about the frozen dessert, she liked it enough to see it as a way to develop her career path. That interest propelled her to dive headfirst into the business, enrolling in the University of Wisconsin-Madison’s ice cream workshop to learn how

Serendipity is leaving its Webster Groves home of eighteen years for the Grove. | COURTESY OF SERENDIPITY HOMEMADE ICE CREAM to make the dessert before launching her storefront.

In her nearly two decades in business, Jacobs has distinguished herself as one of the city’s premier ice cream brands, offering her homemade frozen concoctions to patrons of her shop as well as her wholesale restaurant customers for whom she is known to create

custom flavors. She’s also made a name for Serendipity as the city’s definitive place to celebrate National Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, an annual spectacle held the first Saturday in February. Though the shop will be closed for this year’s festivities, Jacobs is ensuring that her loyal customers can still celebrate with her through events

at both the Parkmoor Drive-In in Webster Groves and the Sliced Pint downtown.

As for her new location in the Grove, which will be at 4400 Manchester Road, Jacobs says she has big plans, including a larger space, expanded menu and increased hours. In addition to ice cream, offerings at the forthcoming shop will include coffee and pastries for morning visitors and a larger selection of boozy Spirited Shakes for the evening crowd. She is also excited to offer new items like coffee floats, which feature coffee over a bonbon, affogato, an Italian concoction which pairs ice cream with a shot of espresso, and small Dutch pancakes, called poffertjes, served with a variety of toppings.

Jacobs had hoped to have the Grove location open sooner than spring of 2022, but she explains that supply-chain problems and construction issues have delayed the buildout. However, in addition to the partnerships with the Parkmoor and the Sliced Pint for Ice Cream for Breakfast Day, she will be doing pop-ups around town until the shop opens so guests can continue to enjoy her sweet treats.

“The good news [is that] many of the restaurants that already serve my ice cream are stepping up to the plate to be pop-up partners,” Jacobs says, assuring St. Louis dessert lovers that they will not be without her wares for too long.

[FOOD NEWS]

Smiles for Aisles St. Louis bakery serves up Smiley Face Cookies at Schnucks Written by

Snowmen and smiley faces are the signature designs of Smiley Face Cookie Company. | COURTESY OF MCARTHUR’S BAKERY

JENNA JONES

B

eginning last week, St. Louisbased McArthur’s Bakery is bringing smiles in the form of delicious cookies to 73 Schnucks stores. In a partnership with Lafayette Industries’ StepUp Program, Perfectly Imperfect butter cookies will now be sold at the store, decorated by adults with intellectual and developmental disabilities.

The StepUp program was created as a training program, designed “to showcase the abilities of individuals with intellectual and developmental disabilities to gain

and maintain competitive employment,” according to a press release. McArthur’s joined the program and now provides cookie-decorating jobs at its Smiley Face Cookie Company branch.

“Our StepUp team members decorate each oversized butter cookie with great care and truly love their jobs,” McArthur’s Bakery owner Scott Rinaberger says in a press release. “We are happy to bring these special cookies and their job-training mission to a much bigger audience through Schnucks.”

Janell Schleeper, Schnucks’ bakery category manager, says in the press re-

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lease that Schnucks is excited to help local companies like McArthur’s bring their products to the store, as well as to support their mission to help those with disabilities “maximize their abilities.”

Cookies are labeled as Smiley Face Cookie Company and are decorated in a variety of colors. There are six cookies in each box.

“Each delicious cookie is individually decorated with a smile by a McArthur’s employee,” Schleeper says, “and it warms my heart to think about all the smiles that, together, we will bring to our customers.”

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ICONIC PEOPLE, PLACES & DISHES T H A T A N C H O R S T L’ S F O O D S C E N E

ST. LOUIS STANDARDS

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The Sweet Spot With more than a century in business, Crown Candy just won’t quit Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

W

hen Andy Karandzieff wants to illustrate just how much Crown Candy Kitchen means to him and his family, he brings up his father, George. A former World War II Army tank driver who took over the famous Old North soda fountain from his dad in 1951, George dedicated his life to the business, working sunup to sundown, seven days a week. Easter was always the shop’s busy season, and the Karandzieff family knew to put everything else in their lives on hold during that chaotic time of year. It came as no surprise, then, that even when he became very ill and was nearing the end of his life, his dad would not break that vow.

“This is the nature of who we are,” Karandzieff says. “It was Easter of 2005, and my father was in hospice. It was literally Easter week, which is high season for us.

My father lived for Easter week and loved making and selling the bunnies. We knew he wasn’t going to make it, and when we drove Mom home from the nursing home, we told her that if he dies before Easter, we will have to close. She told us he would have to wait because we can’t close the store. We said, ‘Understood, mom.’ We got through the week, then on Easter Sunday we all went and saw Dad, and after we left Mom told him, ‘Easter is over, George. You can go now.’ He took a breath, closed his eyes and was gone. That was my father; through sheer force of will, he knew he had to make it through Easter so we could make it through Easter week and do what we do.”

It was fitting that Karandzieff’s dad would have held true to his commitment to Crown Candy all the way to the end. Founded in 1913 by George’s father, Harry

Above: The BLT is Crown Candy Kitchen’s iconic sandwich.

Left: Confections for all seasons are the heart of Crown Candy Kitchen. | MABEL SUEN

Karandzieff, the shop is a living history of both the family and the city of St. Louis. Karandzieff takes pride in that legacy: His grandfather, a Greek émigré who traveled to the United States with just a few dollars and some confectionary skills, founded the now-institution as a candy shop with an intentionally vague name so as not to hint at his immigrant background. That it has not just survived, but thrived, for over 100 years is a testament to his family’s commitment to the shop, the neighborhood, the city and the loyal guests who bring generations of their families to the corner of 14th Street and St. Louis Avenue year after year.

Karandzieff believes that one of the main keys to Crown Candy’s success is that it has not fundamentally altered anything about itself over those years, but has stayed true to its roots as a confectionery and soda fountain.

Though originally established as a candy shop alone, Karandzieff’s grandfather added ice cream in the 1920s, but did not serve food until after George took over — apparently giving in because people kept getting confused by the word “kitchen” in the name. Between the food service and candy-making, George needed help, and he drafted his sons, Karandzieff and his brothers, Mike and Tommy, to

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assist him in steering the ship.

As the boys got older, they began taking the reins from their dad, which coincided with an uptick in their lunch business.

Karandzieff credits that change to several local media personalities such as Jack Carney and Jerry Berger who began promoting the shop on their radio shows and in newspaper columns. Before the Karandzieffs knew it, they became inundated with hungry customers who would line up for their simple soda-fountain fare — and one sandwich in particular.

“People always want to know how the BLT came about,” Karandzieff laughs. “We blame our employees. It didn’t start out so big, but eventually, they just kept putting more and more bacon on it, and it became a thing. Once that happened, it was too late to go back, and suddenly, we were known for our BLT.” The BLT may have been a happy accident, but it put the restaurant on the national radar, thanks to

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For four generations, the Karandzieff family has given St. Louisans their sweet fix at Crown Candy Kitchen. | MABEL SUEN

SWEET SPOT

Continued from pg 27

Karandzieff’s quick thinking and a television show called Man vs.

Food. In 2009, Karandzieff was contacted by the Food Network, informing him that the host of the show, Adam Richman, was coming to town to try the shop’s infamous Five Malt Challenge, which requires contestants to drink five malts or shakes within 30 minutes. Richman didn’t make it past four shakes, and as he staggered to the door, Karandzieff caught up with him and handed him a BLT, not knowing that the simple act of mercy would put the restaurant on the national map.

“After he failed the challenge, he was on the way out the door and looked like death,” Karandzieff recalls. “I gave him a BLT and told him that he was going to be hungry in about a half hour after he got back to his hotel room, and that he needed to eat it. A couple of years later, I got a call from a producer for a show called The Best Sandwich in America saying they wanted to feature the BLT. When Richman came in for the show, he told me it saved his life that night. That’s something I learned from my father: If you take care of people, that nice gesture comes back.”

Following the Best Sandwich in America feature, business went through the roof — Karandzieff laughs that he and his staff fry bacon fourteen hours a day just to keep up. He admits it is a lot to have on his shoulders, especially after losing his brother Mike to stomach cancer in 2012. He credits his wife, Sherri, with being his rock and helping the shop with much of the behind-the-scenes website and branding work, as

well as the other family members who continue to pitch in to keep the restaurant going.

“All these little decisions my father and grandfather made are the reason we survived,” Karandzieff says. “I take it for granted some days and don’t think about it, and some I am overwhelmed with how much responsibility is on my shoulders — to our employees, customers and our family legacy. If you see me drinking tequila on Friday nights, you know why.”

Still, for all the ups, downs, challenges, long hours, crazy holiday seasons and everything else that comes along with being in charge of one of the city’s most storied food institutions, Karandzieff wouldn’t have it any other way.

Knowing how much Crown Candy means to everyone it has touched — whether they are in the neighborhood or coming from many miles away — is what keeps him going and drives him to ensure that the shop will be serving bacon and chocolate bunnies from his little corner of north St. Louis for years to come.

“We’ve been here for 108 years, and I am not going anywhere,” Karandzieff says. “This is our home. We live here; this is where our family has been for over a century. If I move, I am just another ice cream store in a strip mall like anyone else. Maybe we would be successful, but maybe not. I believe we are still successful because we are here on this corner; generations of customers want that connection to their past. I’m proud of what my family has done and that we are still here. It’s pretty amazing that a little ice cream shop in the city is still chugging along after all these years. We are fortunate and blessed from that standpoint, and I am a very lucky person.”

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[ W E E D L AW S ]

High Time Missouri lawmakers must take action to legalize marijuana Written by

JEFF MIZANSKEY This story was originally published by the Missouri Independent.

I

n 1984, I was arrested for felony possession of marijuana for a half pound of marijuana, for which I served five years of probation.

In 1991, I was arrested for possession of two ounces of marijuana, for which I served 60 days in county prison.

Finally, in 1993, I was arrested as an accessory in a deal for seven pounds of marijuana, and although I had no intention of possession or distribution, a jury convicted me and a circuit court judge sentenced me to life in prison under Missouri’s now-repealed prior and persistent offender statute.

During the next 22 years, American voters came to the realization

[SC-HIGH-ENCE]

Sleeper Hit Marijuana use might negatively affect sleep, study suggests Written by

RANDIAH CAMILLE GREEN

I

f you toke up before bed to get a restful night’s sleep, we ain’t mad at you. The general consensus among cannabis users is that including weed in your nighttime ritual is beneficial for some quality Zs. A new study published last week in the British Medical Journal is claiming, however, that regular weed consumption can actually be harmful to sleep. Leave it to science to be a total buzzkill.

The study found that adults who used

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that marijuana was a very beneficial medicine with a low risk profile, and state by state began passing medical marijuana laws or outright legalization.

Ultimately, then-Missouri Gov. Jay Nixon commuted my sentence after state Rep. Shamed Dogan, R-Ballwin, filed legislation to require parole for marijuana offenders serving life sentences.

My case was also supported by a national coalition of people and organizations who were shocked by the harshness of my sentence.

In 2018, Missouri voters passed a medical marijuana proposal at the ballot, which now allows people to obtain a physician’s recommendation for marijuana and has created a legal market for production and sales. The only controversy over legal medical marijuana has been over the restrictions on commercial licensing — 85 percent of the over 2,200 applicants for marijuana business licenses were rejected in a process widely seen as arbitrary and unfair.

Now, two different ballot initiative campaigns, backed by different groups claiming to represent the marijuana industry, are competing to again change the Missouri Constitution to legalize recreational marijuana. But both of these proposals have significant flaws. Most significantly, both pro-

on commercial marijuana licensing, Missouri might continue to see a two-tiered system of justice and economic opportunity, where a privileged wealthy few are allowed to profit from legal marijuana sales while poor and politically weak Missourians continue to be sanctioned for the proposed crime of possessing too much marijuana.

By contrast, there is no other item of legal personal property that Missouri law creates a possession limit for, and I’ll point out specifically alcohol, our most dangerous drug, for which there are over 16,000 licenses for on and off premise sales registered in our state and no possession limits for individuals.

In January, the Missouri Jeff Mizanskey served decades in prison for General Assembly will remarijuana before his sentence was convene, and only the electcommuted. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI ed representatives of the people have the ability and the political will to consider these issues and take in inposals create limits on personal put from all stakeholders. It is immarijuana possession and allow portant that our elected officials civil and criminal charges, includ- consider what path may be best ing felonies, for possession of more and ultimately fulfill the increasing demand from voters for greatthan twice the possession limits.

Coupled with tight restrictions er liberty and freedom in our state.

weed twenty or more days in a month were 64 percent more likely to sleep less than six hours a night and 76 percent more likely to sleep longer than nine hours a night. People who used cannabis less than twenty days in a month were 47 percent more likely to snooze nine or more hours a night. Respondents who used cannabis within the last 30 days also were more likely to say they had trouble falling asleep or staying asleep.

Researchers at the University of Toronto analyzed marijuana use for sleep among 21,729 adults between the ages of 20 and 59. The data was gathered by the National Health and Nutrition Examination Survey, which represents over 146 million Americans.

While some national news outlets have framed these new “findings” as marijuana “making sleep worse,” the study really just tells us that some potheads were more likely to sleep for longer than nine hours. This doesn’t exactly seem like groundbreaking scientific research to anyone who’s been knocked

out cold by an indica-heavy edible or a cup of Sleepytime tea laced with a few drops of CBN oil.

It also doesn’t prove an exact link between trouble sleeping and cannabis, as there could be other factors affecting sleep that make people want to partake in the first place, including depression and anxiety. A study from 2018 linked smartphone and tablet use to people sleeping less because of blue light from electronic devices interfering with our natural circadian rhythm. Sleep disorders were also on the rise in 2020 during the COVID-19 pandemic. Neither of those have anything to do with cannabis use.

One of the study’s lead authors, Calvin Diep, who is an anesthesia resident at the University of Toronto, even told CNN that “the problem with our study is that we can’t really say that it’s causal, meaning we can’t know for sure whether this was simply individuals who were having difficulty sleeping, and that’s why they use the cannabis, or the cannabis caused it.”

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See, reading comprehension is key.

Meanwhile, many marijuana dispensaries cater to clientele looking for a strain that will put them in a hazy dream state as they enter the sleep realm.

Some cannabis products, particularly edibles, are even explicitly marketed as sleep aids, and insomnia is one of the most common ailments people come into dispensaries to treat.

The thing is, the U.S. Centers for Disease Control and Prevention considers seven to nine hours a night as “optimal” for adults, and oversleeping can have negative effects like headaches, diabetes and obesity. And sure, we can see how raiding the fridge for late-night snacks after the munchies hit and then passing out for ten hours could lead to obesity. There have also been studies that find cognitive performance peaks with around seven hours of sleep, and drops with more or less sleep.

Still, none of that has convinced us to stop taking cannabis gummies before bed. But hey, the more you know.

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CULTURE [PUNK]

One Busy Bastard Don Brazel has built a DIY empire within St. Louis’ underground music scene Written by

DANIEL HILL

D

on Brazel has been a very busy man.

For the past few years, the St. Louis native has been a living embodiment of the DIY ethos, launching himself headfirst into several different projects within the city’s underground punk scene. There’s the Record Space (8716 Gravois Road, 314-437-2727), Brazel’s punk-centric record store (with a sizable section focused on horror movies as well); there’s Bastard Squad, his longtime hardcore punk band that’s found new life in the past couple of years; and there’s the Record Label, something of a marriage of the two ventures that has been steadily churning out records from some of the city’s best and brightest.

This week marks a few milestones for Brazel’s growing empire. On Wednesday, the Record Space will celebrate its third anniversary with an in-store event featuring performances by Direct Measure, Pinkville and Jared White of Modern Angst. The party will also include the shop’s firstever vinyl dig, for which thousands of records will be priced at just a dollar apiece, with other items in the store seeing deep discounts as well. Then, on Saturday, Bastard Squad will perform at Red Flag alongside Better Days, the Disappeared and A Living Hell for a show dubbed “A Very Bastard Christmas,” which will be a sendoff for Bastard Squad’s current drummer Dan Scanlon. Meanwhile, special limited-edition lathe cuts of an alternate version of the group’s upcoming record, Hideaway, are currently available as part of a $20 ticket package for

purchase at the Record Space.

It may seem like a lot to juggle, but Brazel is so consistently headdown focused on the task at hand, he doesn’t often take the time to recognize what a hyper-productive DIY powerhouse he’s become.

“I don’t usually look at it in those terms,” Brazel tells the RFT. “But when I look back at what I’m doing or what I’ve done or what I got coming up, it’s a little overwhelming.”

Brazel’s roots in St. Louis’ punk scene are deep, stretching back to the early ‘90s, when as a fifteenyear-old, he and Bastard Squad’s co-founder Jon Coriell used to regularly make a mighty racket as a duo in Brazell’s garage. Once as they were doing so, Josh Bialon, the singer of Very Metal, one of the most prominent St. Louis punk bands of its day, happened to be driving by at the time.

It would prove to be a consequential meeting of the minds.

“Josh from Very Metal rolled by the garage that Jon and I were practicing in with some sort of Bastard Squad thing and wanted us to come over and hang out at Very Metal band practice” Brazel explains. “And we just jumped in the truck and went over to the house.

And next thing I know they’re like, ‘Hey, you play bass, right?

You want to try playing bass?’ And then I joined the band. That was off and on for about two years. We recorded a couple of seven inches and did some touring and stuff.”

After spending some time playing with Very Metal, Brazel returned to Coriell and the two decided to make a more proper band out of their two-piece setup.

Within a month, drummer Dan Scanlon — the same drummer who will be playing his last show with the group this week — signed on. According to Brazel, this early incarnation of Bastard Squad played a slew of local shows and recorded a demo over the six months that would follow but soon ran into the kind of internal turmoil that frequently puts an

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cided to have Bastard Squad play a reunion show at the event.

What was meant to be a one-off quickly snowballed into a fullfledged reunion, complete with an updated and expanded lineup, and a slate of new recordings.

“Once we got off the stage, a friend asked if we wanted to play another show at Sinkhole — like right after we got off stage,” Brazel explains. “So I asked the guys, and we just did it, and then it was like, while we’re practicing for this next show, we also wrote a song.

And then next thing you know, we’ve got an album written and we’re going into the studio.”

It was at this time that Brazel launched his record store as well. On December 15, 2018, Brazel opened his Gravois shop, and quickly made the Record Space a must-visit spot for fans of underground music, horror movies and other collectibles. As his band picked up steam, Brazel knew it would need a label to release its stuff; Don Brazel mans the counter at his south-city shop, thus, the Record Lathe Record Space. | AUSTIN ROBERTS bel was born in the middle of 2019, with Bastard Squad as its group soon fizzled as well, and first release.

As seems to be the case with some of its songs wound up on WMFO’s debut. By this time, 1997, Brazel’s endeavors, that project Brazel had a kid and decided that is humming along now, with sevmaybe it was time to put play- en releases at present, including ing in bands behind him. For the music from Horror Section, Worn next couple of decades, he lived Down, Placeholder, Fight Back the quiet life of a family man with Mountain and the Disappeared. kids in Poplar Bluff — albeit one The Record Label also already has with a massive collection of re- five additional releases slated for cords and collectibles that he sold 2022, with music on the way from online and at pop-ups and flea Spermbirds, Modern Angst and Kristeen Young, as well as Bastard markets around town.

Then, in 2018, Brazel launched Squad’s sophomore LP. Brazel St. Louis’ Punk Rock Flea Market, envisions the Record Space / Rea swap meet of sorts for punks, cord Label relationship as akin to metalheads, rockers and the like. Memphis’ storied Goner Records, He’d seen similar concepts enjoy a hybrid record store and label success in other cities around the that’s found great success in the country, and he figured that such garage-rock genre.

In all, it’s a remarkable little an event would be a good way for like-minded denizens of the empire that Brazel has managed underground scenes of St. Louis to put together in just a few short to network and get to know one years. It may seem like it’s all another. For good measure, he deContinued on pg 35 end to so many young bands.

“It was young angst and fucked up shit,” Brazel says of the band’s demise. “We had a crazy night one night that a bunch of shit got fucked up and then the band kind of just fell apart. Everybody got mad at each other.”

Brazel would try his hand at another punk act, dubbed the Dirty Bastards (keeping with that “bastard” theme) and featuring some of the members of what would become Without M.F. Order; that

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OUT EVERY NIGHT

THURSDAY 16

ANDY MCKEE: 7:30 p.m., $25. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

COLT BALL: 5 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

DAYTIME TELEVISION ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: w/ the Bronx Cheers, Cave Radio 7 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

THE DUSTY CARLSON TRIO: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N Euclid Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-3644.

HAHAHOLIDAYS: A HILARITY FOR CHARITY: w/ Ella Fritts, Cori Stewart, Matt Barnes, Angela Smith Winfrey, Chris Cyr 7 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

JESSE FARRAR: 9 p.m., $5. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE WEE HEAVIES: 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

FRIDAY 17

BEACH BUNNY: 7 p.m., $24. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

BLEACH EP RELEASE SHOW: w/ Post Sex Nachos 7 p.m., $15. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

BROTHER LEE AND THE LEATHER JACKALS: w/ Sweettalker 7 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

A DRAG QUEEN CHRISTMAS: 7 p.m., $39.50. The Factory, 17105 N Outer 40 Rd, Chesterfield, 314-423-8500.

EMMALINE: 7 p.m., $30. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

ENEMY OF MAGIC: w/ Buttercup, Iron Linings 8 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

JAY COAST: w/ Harry Steezz, Davon Sparkling, Umami 8 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

OFF WITH THEIR HEADS: w/ Supercrush, Slingshot Dakota, Pleasure Center 7:30 p.m., $16. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

ONE WAY TRAFFIC: 10 p.m., $5. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

STEVE REEB: 5 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

TRIFECTA: 7 p.m., $35-$75. Grandel Theatre, 3610 Grandel Square, St. Louis, 314-533-0367.

SATURDAY 18

ACOUSTIK ELEMENT: 8 p.m., $15. Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

DEAR GENRE: 5 p.m., free. Music Record Shop, 3116 Locust St, St. Louis, 310 920 9705.

DEATH AND MEMPHIS: w/ Modern Angst, The Kuhlies, Boss Battle, Frozen Headz 7 p.m., $10. The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

FMP CHRISTMAS EXTRAVAGANZA TOY DRIVE: w/ P.R.E.A.C.H., T-Dubb-O, Bates, Reaceyung, Cedes, Eternity Black, J Bird 8 p.m., $10-$15. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618274-6720.

FUNKY BUTT BRASS BAND HOLIDAY BRASSTRAVAGANZA NIGHT 1: 7 p.m. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

JAVIER MENDOZA’S HOBO CANE CHRISTMAS CONCERT: 8

ONE BUSY BASTARD Continued from pg 33

come together easily, but there’s been a lot of blood, sweat and tears along the way. During his two decades away from the music scene, Brazel spent a lot of time plotting, planning and dreaming of what could be. When asked what one piece of advice he might have for someone trying to follow their own dreams, Brazel’s advice is simple: Do it, already.

p.m., $40. The Chapel, 6238 Alexander Dr, Clayton.

KATIE MCGRATH: 8 p.m., $25-$30. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

LAURA JANE GRACE: 8 p.m., $27.50. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

MARK STOFFEL: 8 p.m., $16. The Focal Point, 2720 Sutton Blvd, St. Louis, 314-560-2778.

MORGAN JAMES: 7 p.m., $20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

A VERY BASTARD CHRISTMAS: w/ Bastard Squad, Better Days (11 Year Anniversary Set), the Disappeared, A Living Hell 8 p.m., $12. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

SUNDAY 19

CHARLIE PARR: w/ Dead Horses 7 p.m., $15-$20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

FEVERDREAM: w/ Abandoncy, Nerver, Nolia 7 p.m., $10. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

FUNKY BUTT BRASS BAND HOLIDAY BRASSTRAVAGANZA 2: 8 p.m., $20-$25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

NICK GUSMAN & THE COYOTES ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: 8 p.m., $12-$15. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

PLAID & THE PANTHER: w/ Lemons, Electric Baby Powder 6:30 p.m., $12. Red Flag, 3040 Locust Street, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

STEVE BRAMMEIER: 5 p.m., $20-$25. Blue Strawberry Showroom & Lounge, 364 N Boyle Ave, St. Louis, 314-256-1745.

TWIZTID: 7 p.m., $25-$30. Pop’s Nightclub, 401 Monsanto Ave., East St. Louis, 618-274-6720.

MONDAY 20

MANNHEIM STEAMROLLER: 7:30 p.m., $35-$100. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St. Louis, 314534-1111.

MINDFUL MONDAY: w/ Third Sight Band 8 p.m., $10.

BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

A PATRICK SWAYZE CHRISTMAS: 7 p.m., free. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-498-6989.

SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $5. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

TUESDAY 21

THE DEAL: w/ Kerosene Willy 7 p.m., $15-$18. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

ERIC LYSAGHT: 9 p.m., free. Broadway Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-8811.

THE MADMAN BAND: 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

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BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & THE RHYTHM RENEGADES: 7 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

THE FINAL POLLUTION: w/ Chaos Collective 8 p.m., $10.

The Heavy Anchor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

THE JAZZ TROUBADOURS: 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N Euclid Ave, St. Louis, 314-367-3644.

MADDIE POPPE: 7 p.m., $20-$25. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

“Everybody’s waiting for you,” he says. “You know, there’s plenty of resources online for you to learn how to do everything that you want to. You just have to put all of your attention towards that thing. And it will consume you, and it will drive you crazy, and it will become overwhelming. And you will deal with things that you don’t want to deal with. But it’s all part of the process. And, you know, at the end of the day, people care, and that’s it. You just put out what you naturally want to do and people will get it.”

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SAVAGE LOVE Quickies

BY DAN SAVAGE Hey Dan: My wife and I are in a great ENM marriage. We have two couples that we are friends with and get together regularly for sex, and we each pursue solo FWB relationships. During Covid, we started posting pictures on Reddit, which were well received. This morphed into my wife starting an OnlyFans account because why not? So, at what point do we spill the beans to our FWBs? We don’t show our faces on OnlyFans, we use fake names, and we only post content made with people that know it’s going up on OnlyFans. Is this just “our secret” and doesn’t hurt anyone, so, who cares? Or do our FWBs have a right to know?

Posting Intimate Content You’re under no obligation to tell your casual sex partners that you have an OnlyFans account where you share photos and videos you make with your other casual sex partners. OnlyFans seems like something you should be able to share with your FWBs, but “you should be able to” ≠ “you are obliged to.”

Hey Dan: Cis-het black woman. I have been working on myself for a while and a side effect of that is now I have standards and I am unwilling to settle for mediocre partners. For me a quality partner is a cis or trans man (a penis haver) who is an ally to equality movements (sex, gender, race, etc.), emotionally healthy, kink-positive, and can afford their own life. Where does one find a person who meets these criteria? I’ve tried Tinder, Bumble, OkCupid, and FetLife, etc., with no luck.

Never Gonna Settle There is no settling down without some settling for. If you’re lucky, you’ll meet someone who comes close enough to what you want— an employed penis-having person, for instance, who’s an ally to equality movements everywhere but isn’t exactly kink-positive but has an open mind and could get there. Or an emotionally healthy, kink-positive penis-having student who isn’t rolling in dough

but has a realistic career plan.

And where do you find that guy?

Well, you might get lucky and find him on one of the sites you’re already on, or you might meet him through friends, at work, in a bar, etc. Keep at it, NGS, because you never know when your bad luck is going to run out.

Hey Dan: I’m a 34-year-old female and my husband (of only two years!) blindsided me by asking for a separation on my birthday in June and a divorce via text message a month later. We owned a home and ran a business together. Needless to say ... this all sucks. I’ve had to start my entire life over again.

I’ve settled into a new home with a new job, and I’m trying to be a badass about the whole situation.

But it’s been a lot. I’ve gone back and forth on when to start dating again. I feel mounting pressure to “get back out there,” and I’m on the apps again, but I bail about a week into every new flirtation. Why am I hesitating?

Balking At Love, Knowing I’m Nervous, Gah! Hm... my guess is you might be hesitating, BALKING, because your soon-to-be-ex-husband stomped on your heart and turned your life upside down LESS THAN SIX MONTHS AGO. And you’re doing great: You got a new place to live, you got a new job, and you recently got back on the apps. Maybe you’re not ready to start dating again right this minute but getting back on the apps is a sign you will be soon. Lowering the temperature with the guys you’re connecting with online might help (be chatty, not flirty), as will keeping the stakes low on those first dates when you are ready (a quick coffee, not a dinner). You can do this!

Hey Dan: I just discovered your column. I’ve been reading you for a month. Four weeks, four disgusting columns. I do not give a rat’s ass about the sex lives of strangers.

If you do not reevaluate your content, I shall not continue to read.

Disgusted If you just finished reading your letter, D, and you’re reading my response now... you’re gonna want to stop reading now. Because you’re really not gonna like

the next couple of letters.

Hey Dan: I am a 24-year-old woman in a mostly happy marriage.

My husband is not interested in oral sex. At all. Not giving it, not receiving it. In previous relationships this was the way I most consistently achieved orgasm. I miss this type of intimacy so much I’m now curious about the legality of putting peanut butter on myself in hopes that my dog would come up to me on his own—unforced—and lick it off. I imagine this to be no different legally than a dog eating something out of your hand. I haven’t done it. But I am curious about your opinion. If you have other recommendations on how to get the specific sensation of oral sex when you don’t have a willing partner, I welcome your advice.

Disgusting Obsession Grosses Girl Out You’re 24 years old and your sex life with your husband is so miserably unsatisfying that you’re thinking about tricking your dog into eating you out, which is illegal in lots of places. (You’ll have to google it yourself.) My advice: put down the peanut butter down.

Then get a divorce, get a lover (a human one), or get yourself one of those new clit-sucking sex toys that—according to the reviews I’ve read by clit-having people— do a pretty amazing job. Hell, get all three!

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risk of harm—so long as you don’t force it, you stop if there’s pain or blood, and you have access to an autoclave.

Hey Dan: Someone assigned male at birth, with male genitalia, but on estrogen to feminize their appearance and identifies as trans-agender. Curious how to identify their sexuality. They are only attracted to people who identify as women or femme-nonbinary. So how does someone without gender define their sexuality if they are only attracted to one gender identity?

Narrow Attractions Complicate Multifaceted Identity “It’s complicated.”

Also, I’m pretty sure lumping all “women or femme-nonbinary” people into a single “gender identity” is incorrect. (And would lead to a Title 9 complaint at Oberlin.)

I mean, I’ve personally and biblically known gay men who identify as femmes and there are lots of femme-nonbinary people out there—AMAB, AFAB, ACAB—who would object to being lumped into a single category with mere women.

It’s all so very, very complicated.

Which is great, of course, because we can’t talk about climate change and the growing threat of authoritarianism all the time, right? questions@savagelove.net @FakeDanSavage on Twitter www.savage.love

Hey Dan: I have a question about urethral sounding. My husband wanted me to do this to him for two years and I finally did. It was interesting! But I’m wondering what kind of harmful effects this could if we were to do it long-term.

Making Enquiries About Taking Urethral Sounds Urethral sounding — sliding a well-lubed stainless-steel rod into someone’s urethra — is a medical procedure with legit medical purposes, but some people enjoy recreational sounding, both for how it feels (good, I’m told) and what it symbolizes (penetrating a penetrator’s penetrator). So long as you’re using sterilized sounds and sterile lube, you and your husband should be able to safely enjoy sounding on the regular.

Besides upping his risk for the occasional UTIs, there’s not much

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