DECEMBER 28–JANUARY 3, 2016 I VOLUME 40 I NUMBER 52
13 Reasons
2016 Didn’t Suck After All
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“I feel badly that a lot of people in my income bracket and age group, they don’t like it. They won’t come out and say it, but they just don’t shop at Goodwill. I have never walked out of here where I didn’t find a bargain.” —ALTHEA BOLDEN, PHOTOGRAPHED AT GOODWILL IN THE CENTRAL WEST END ON DECEMBER 23, 2016.
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TABLE OF CONTENTS FEATURE
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13 Reasons 2016 Didn’t Suck After All Forget everything you’ve heard about our recent annus horribilis. Here’s why life is not so bad Written by
RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF Cover by
PJ TAMAYO
NEWS
CULTURE
DINING
MUSIC
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The Lede
Calendar
Your friend or neighbor, captured on camera
Seven days worth of great stuff to see and do
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Camp Cleanup
The city tackles wet blankets and other detritus downtown
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An Appointee Gets the Boot
The school board ousts one of the few critics of tax incentive deals with a voice in the process, Sarah Fenske reports
The 10 Best New Restaurants of 2016
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Cheryl Baehr finds chefs pursuing their passions — and getting big results — in a great year for St. Louis dining
Christian Schaeffer compiles the best releases from St. Louisbased musicians
Sing is that rare animated film that feels like real life, only better, writes MaryAnn Johanson
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Out Every Night
Film
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Comedy
Side Dish
Jordan Howe explains the origins of his coffee obsession — and his big plans for Sardella
After years of nomadism, the Improv Shop buys a building of its own in the Grove
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First Look
Sarah Fenske checks out Shawarma King, the new Middle Eastern counter service spot in the Loop
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Beer
Side Project Brewing has a new tasting room to go along with its big new warehouse
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The 10 Best Local Albums of 2016
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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The best concerts in St. Louis every night of the week
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This Just In
This week’s new concert announcements
HAPPY NEW YEAR!
When The Holidays Make Alcohol Or Drugs Hard To Resist, Gateway Is Here To Help.
Null & Crossbones Publisher Chris Keating Editor in Chief Sarah Fenske
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NEWS
Downtown Homeless Camp Cleanup
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ity workers on December 21 hauled away blankets and clothing from a homeless encampment in downtown. Wet and food-spoiled items lining the sidewalk west of the New Life Evangelistic Center homeless shelter on Locust Street have become a public health concern, says Department of Human Services Director Eddie Roth. Wearing rubber gloves, he helped sort through the piles, leaving luggage and other belongings as he separated out comforters, sheets and blankets soaked by recently melted snow. Workers packed those items in clear plastic bags bound for a city storage facility. Roth says people will have 30 days to call Human Services and claim any seized belongings. The encampments, long a point of contention between New Life and neighbors, were the epicenter of a recent rash of synthetic marijuana or K2 overdoses, authorities say. The center’s founder, the Rev. Larry Rice, has said the city unfairly linked the encampments and the overdoses to New Life as a way to push his organization out of the gentrifying neighborhood. Few people were around during the mid-day operation. Workers picked their way around a man sleeping under a pile of blankets and paused while a young woman pointed out possessions she wished to keep. “Thank you for cleaning this up,” she said. Roth says many of the homeless have moved into shelters during the recent cold snap. Much of what was left behind was dropped off by a steady stream of well-meaning people, but the blankets and clothing get wet and become a hazard, he says. “There is an unending amount of stuff,” Roth says. The city had previously ordered New Life to shut down by December 9, citing the center’s lack of permits. Rice has said the order infringes on New Life’s religious freedom and has vowed to fight it through the —Doyle Murphy courts.
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St. Louis Director of Human Services Eddie Roth sorts through a homeless encampment on Locust Street on December 21. | DOYLE MURPHY
Critic of Tax Breaks Is Removed From the City Commission Charged with Reviewing Them
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he former school board member who represented the St. Louis public schools on the city’s Tax Increment Financing Commission — and who recently opposed a high-profile tax incentive package for the developer of Midtown’s City Foundry — has been removed from the commission. David L. Jackson Jr. says he was informed December 21 that the special administrative board of the school district had voted unanimously the day before not to reappoint him. Jackson says that Rick Sullivan, president of the special administra-
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tive board, told him that “the decision was made to change all members of the City Boards.” But, he says, that decision made no sense: The other school board seat on the TIF Commission has been vacant for more than a year. Jackson suggests instead that his opposition to the City Foundry tax deal was the catalyst for his dismissal. He believes that his advocacy against the developer’s sizable request — which, counting federal, state and city incentives, totaled more than 50 percent of the project’s cost — “did not sit well with the St. Louis Development Corporation or the Mayor’s Office.” In fact, after the November meeting where he raised his concerns, he says he heard directly from Otis Williams, the executive director of the St. Louis Development Corporation. “He was somewhat upset,” Jackson says. “I explained my point of view, and he extended an opportunity to continue
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the opportunity at a later date. That’s what I was hoping to do.” Instead, he got a call from Sullivan yesterday saying the school board was not reappointing him. When he pressed Sullivan, he says, Sullivan stated again and again, “We need our people on there” and “we need people we can control.” Jackson says he also called board member Rick Gaines, whom he considers a friend, and that Gaines used the same language — that the board needed a person they “could control.” Says Jackson, “It just doesn’t make any sense to get penalized from the same people you’re trying to help.” After all, tax breaks take money away from the schools — one reason he’s fought to limit their use. “They should have been ecstatic!” he says. Sullivan, who is also the CEO of the transitional school district, did not respond to a message seeking Continued on pg 9
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comment. No one answered the phone number for the special administrative board, and there was no way to leave a message for its other two members. Maggie Crane, a spokeswoman for Mayor Francis Slay, said Slay’s office had no role in the decision “The Mayor’s Office has nothing to do with his removal. Any allegation to the contrary is just false.” The TIF commission weighs tax incentive financing requests, which are in essence tax breaks given to large development projects. Its recommendation then goes to the Board of Aldermen. Jackson is one of nine members when all seats are filled. He served on the commission from 2007 to 2009 before losing his appointment around the time of Paul Mc ee’s request for tax breaks for his Northside project. In he was reappointed, and has served ever since. All along, he says, he’s been concerned by the way tax breaks for big developments mean less money for the city’s public schools — a concern that led to his actions in November. At the TIF commission meeting, Jackson spoke up against the giant tax deal sought by the Lawrence Group, which hopes to develop Midtown’s Federal Mogul site into a project called City Foundry.
And while the TIF commission approved the Lawrence Group’s request for $19.4 million in tax increment financing, Jackson had led the way with a resolution opposing an additional tax abatement sought by the developers. The motion passed - , according to the St. Louis PostDispatch. The resolution was strictly advisory, since the abatement was not under the commission’s purview, but it led to the developer scaling back its tax abatement request from 25 to 15 years. Even with that reduction, the size of the request drew some concerns from the Board of Aldermen on December . “ oting for this bill is a vote to actively hurt other parts of the city,” said Alderman Scott Ogilvie, according to the Post-Dispatch. However, the deal appears poised for passage. A group of progressives has recently begun to publicly challenge such large incentive deals. Its new web presentation, launched earlier this week, delves into the St. Louis Development Corporation — and notes certain business relationships between its members and the City Foundry developer. Jackson says he understands the need for tax incentives, but the one requested for the City Foundry project seemed outsized. “ ou don’t have to give them the whole pie,” he says. “ ou can just give them a slice of it.” —Sarah Fenske
from 1 - 1,000,000,000
TIF COMMISSION Continued from pg 8
CUSTOM ORDERS
A group of developers want to turn the Federal Mogul site in Midtown, above, into a $134 million project called City Foundry. | PAUL SABLEMAN/FLICKR
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13 Reasons 2016 Didn’t Suck After All Forget everything you’ve read about our recent annus horribilis. Life is not so bad BY THE RIVERFRONT TIMES STAFF
S
o a bunch of people died, and America elected a dude with a terrible combover. Big deal! This year wasn’t so bleak, really. Here are thirteen reasons why 2016 wasn’t nearly as horrible as you may have heard ... or at least better than we see coming in 2017.
1. Because no steampunks were elected to lead our government The year 2016 certainly has propelled a number of questionable people into positions of power. With Breitbart News’ Steve Bannon (who looks like he could play the estranged brother of Philip Seymour Hoffman in a movie about conning people out of sailboats) and a variety of other characters plucked straight out of Cobra Command and cast into political roles, things seem particularly volatile at the moment. In times like these, we must be grateful that some unseemly groups remain politically isolated and confined to the safety of damp basements, illuminated only by their laptops and the glow of their 10
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coal-powered espresso makers. Yes, that’s right — we’re talking about steampunks. We all need to be thankful that these faux-Victorian madmen still haven’t managed to secure even a single seat in Congress, thus saving the country from the flawed decision-making of gyrocopter-piloting dorks. Instead, we just have a bunch of racists in charge. — Drew Ailes
2. Because the Chicago Cubs finally have to drop their sad sack act The Chicago Cubs and the city that loves them both pride themselves on a certain lovable loser schtick. Or rather, they did. No longer can the Cubs and their fans get by on being hapless schmucks.
The team’s owners spent a reported $900 million to buy the team and a slice of SportsNet Chicago (your source for hot takes about bad baseball and shitty pizza), and then hired Theo Epstein, cursebreaker for the Boston Red Sox, to be team president. Epstein earns a reported $10 million a year, and he must be worth it since the Cubs are the current World Series champs. But now the pressure’s on. The team’s World Series success could be chalked up to “small sample size,” as the stat guys love to say (one occurrence in 108 years does not inspire confidence), and history has shown that “sustained success” is the Cubs’ kryptonite. Still: What happens if guys show up to spring training a little fat and happy from the winter of celebrating? What happens if the Cubs aren’t division leaders by the AllStar break this year? What happens if they resume course and crash out of the playoffs? Grumbling by the fans. Sniping from inside the front office. Oh, sure, all the experts are saying the Cubs are built for long-term success, but they said the same thing about Epstein’s Red Sox, and they’re now
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known primarily for their douchey and entitled fans and the team’s inflated payroll and lack of recent success. So the best the Cubs can hope for is to become the Red Sox, Jr., and the worst is that they flame out and sink back down to the bottom of the standings. Either way, it ain’t all bad for Cardinal fans. — Paul Friswold
3. Because St. Louis won the Rams debacle, morally and financially In the best of all possible worlds, the Rams still reign supreme in St. Louis. In this fantasy, Sam Bradford’s knees are forged from unbreakable meteorite alloy; Jeff Fisher is a Super Bowl-winning coach whose mustache is dyed in permanent stripes of blue and gold; the defense, led by Aaron Donald, tears apart offensive lines with avalanche-force. Admit it, former St. Louis football fan: You entertained some version of this dream as the opening kickoffs boomed to start the 2016 season. But it need not trouble your mind any more, for as tantalizing as the fantasy
may be, the reality of the Rams’ magnificent collapse in Los Angeles is arguably the greatest shitshow ever gifted to a spurned city by a departing team. For the Los Angeles Rams aren’t just a bad football team. They are a slapstick circus of terrible coaches, players and upper management who collaborated to give LA fans one of the worst performances in the
football fan: Can you feel the hair standing up on your neck, the blood pumping through your temples? That’s the feeling of being alive, more alive than you’ve been since the championship season in 2000. That’s the feeling of revenge served on a cold, cold dish, piled high with Ramsenfreude. — Danny Wicentowski
4. Because Missouri is now invasion-proof
history of the sport. When your Rookie of the Year award-winning running back compares his team to a “middle school offense,” you know you’ve reached the promised land. And watching from on high, presumably with a villainous scowl, was Stan Kroenke. The real estate magnate gaslighted his way out of St. Louis, claiming that taking the local’s $1.1 billion stadium
deal would lead to the team’s “financial ruin” and described the same city that marveled at the Greatest Show on Turf as a place that “lags, and will continue to lag, far behind.” In fact, it is the Los Angeles Rams that lag, and apparently will continue to lag, far behind the rudimentary goals set by professional teams. The same trends that made
the team’s final years in St. Louis so agonizing did not disappear in LA — instead, the Rams devoured themselves in a breathtaking display of on-the-field self mutilation. Disgusted fans are already deserting the team, leaving the stadium stands as empty as the Rams’ playoff hopes. After years of coddled treatment in St. Louis, coach Jeff Fisher lasted just three months into his first riverfronttimes.com
Los Angles season. And when Rams chief operating officer Kevin Demoff delivered a press conference on the firing, an emboldened Fox 2 (KTVI) ran a graphic beneath his name reading “Professional Liar.” Of course, the station apologized later (this is still St. Louis, and seldom does passive-aggressive nice cross the line into pure aggression). But tell us this, o former St. Louis
Missouri’s motto is “The Show Me State,” but now the question implied by the command finally has an answer: your gun. As in, “Show Me Your Gun.” Come the new year Missouri’s gun laws are downgraded to gun suggestions, as almost everyone — even those with questionable backgrounds — will be entitled to carry a concealed weapon. You might be one of those doom ‘n’ gloom types who sees this as an unfortunate development, but the realistic know in their Kevlar-and-ceramicplate-protected hearts that this is a key point in Missouri’s state safety plan. Consider the fact that Missouri shares a border with eight states, each more potentially deadly than the last. Any one of those states might decide to invade our borders, perhaps to get access to our excellent school system (it’ll most likely be Arkansas or Tennessee, since those are the only two that rank lower than the Mediocre MO in education). Yet in 2017 it just won’t happen — even Arkansas’ slowest citizens will think twice about facing our wellarmed citizenry. And the genius part is that they won’t even know which of us are packing, thanks to our concealed carry law. That same Missouri law holds force in every surrounding state except
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2016: NOT BAD Continued from pg 11 for Illinois (state motto: “Did you forget us? We’re Illinois.”), so our forces will be able to infiltrate these weaker states at will. That’s supposing anybody sees the need to invade Arkansas (state motto: “Durrr, not Kansas?”), but what’s the point of having guns if you’re not going to use them? And lest you think this state will be overrun by free-shooting toy soldiers, remember that our commander in chief is a former Navy SEAL with the supernatural ability to shoot at an open field until it surrenders in a fiery explosion. With Governor Rambo’s tactical know-how, he’ll be able to hold the state together even as its citizens are shooting each other to bloody gobbets in mutual stand-your-ground incidents (also protected by la or firing a ay at one another with large-caliber handguns in duels (which also may be sanctioned by these new laws). What a great time to be under-educated, angry at the world and armed at all times, eh? Surely the few survivors will thank their legislature for the generous gift of total security. The only thing you’ll soon have to fear is friendly fire. — Paul Friswold
5. Because God called home His finest David Bowie. Harper Lee. Garry Shandling. Merle Haggard. Leonard Cohen. Muhammad Ali. Prince. Carrie Fisher. So many beloved people passed away in 2016, it was easy to posit that God had simply given up. And yet. Yet. As any Sunday School student could tell you, God isn’t just omnipotent, able to force the winds and the waves to obey him. 12
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God is also omniscient. He knows everything, and He knows that shit before it goes down. Which means God was fully aware of the sort of troubling political trends that e right over the head of presidential pollsters and New York City-based journalists. God was aware Hillary Clinton simply couldn’t be bothered to visit Wisconsin. God knew that Arizona was not ever in any way shape or form remotely in play. God saw the writing on the fucking wall. And so God — allknowing, all-loving, slow to anger and rich in love — called home his faithful servants in 2016. One at time, so as not to alarm the rest of us, he enfolded them in his everlasting embrace. He knew 2017 was going to be a shitshow. He knew that moving to Canada is way hard even for people with tons of money — and remember, these people were seniors. Anywhere north of Missouri is far too cold for a snowbird. So God in his mercy called his finest home. Rather than mourn their loss, we should praise his munificence. The year 2016, in fact, might stand as the ultimate proof that there is a God — and that He cares for His people. Or at least for elderly celebrities. — Sarah Fenske
6. Because it has been 9,312 days since Guns N’ Roses trashed a St. Louis venue The fecal stain on the over-worn boxers of the mainstream rock & roll world, Guns N’ Roses, may have completely trashed the legacy of once-respectable Pale Divine guitarist Richard
Fortus (GnR’s guitarist since 2001, a St. Louis native) — but at least the group hasn’t trashed a St. Louis venue in some 9 , 3 1 2 d ay s . T h o u g h douche lord Axl Rose threatened to bring his insufferable band of washed-up has-beens to town this summer as part of the band’s “Not In This Lifetime” tour, it turned out that, for some strange reason (*cough* hundreds of thousands of dollars worth of damage last time *cough*) no venue in town was willing to play host. Sadly, 2016 may be the final year e are able to celebrate this winning streak, as GnR recently announced a show at the very brave Dome at America’s Center for July 2017. But before you rush out to buy tickets, be aware that reasonable seats for this musical abomination will run upwards of $250. — Drew Ailes
7. Because people are finally realizing that social media is a bullshit echo chamber — an epiphany they’re posting on social media Not to fuck up your day here or anything, but there’s something you should know, something that people have finally started addressing since the 2016 election: Social media networks are not advocates for the public good. They are not elaborately constructed to disseminate useful information, cultivate well-researched opinions, or even help you cruise swimsuit pictures of your old high school classmates. Nope — they’re forprofit corporations that riverfronttimes.com
exist for one sole reason: to provide a return to their investors. Do you know how they make money? It’s similar to the way that any content-generating organization works. They sell ads. Why do people buy ads from Facebook? Well, there are a lot of reasons. Facebook boasts a gigantic number of potential customers — 1.7 billion monthly active users. Seems like every company would love to market to that number of people, right? Sort of. What they’d really like to do is market to the maximum number of those 1.7 billion who are ready to buy exactly the product they’re selling, so the company can spend less money while still getting good results. In earlier years, marketing was a mixture of educated guesses plus intuition. If you wanted to sell a device that helped old people call for help if they fell, you’d want to create a compelling commercial featuring that same demographic and pay to air it during television shows that these targeted buyers generally watched. You’d run an ad during the 1 p.m. showing of Loud Stupid Court Show on The Channel That Also Shows Murder She Wrote, Matlock and Some Shitty Baking Show. But even then, advertisers didn’t just reach quivering old grandmothers who frantically searched their musky purses for their Diner’s Club credit cards. They also wasted money marketing to day-drinking kids who were failing out of college and tiny children who were plopped in front of the television after preschool by their parents (who tragically had no idea that, even when that child grows to be a 33-year-old who writes smarmy pop-culture lists for alt-weeklies, the voice
of The Woman Who Had Fallen and Can’t Get Up would reverberate in his skull forever). Much as technology has improved in nearly every area aside from the fossil-fuel-driven auto industry, today’s content producers are smarter and eliminate some of the headaches from marketing. Networks like Facebook do this by gathering as much information about you as possible. hey figure out who your friends are, what kind of subjects appeal to you and what format you prefer it in. Then they take this distilled, hyper-focused demographic information and sell the opportunity to market to you directly, for better rates than anyone has ever seen. The longer you spend on Facebook, the better they know how to market to you. Do you get that part? Their goal is to keep you there. Why do people decide to stop looking at Facebook? There are a lot of reasons — and Facebook already has a solution for most of them. a. You see too many people you don’t give a fuck about. No problem. Facebook tailors your news feed and gives you more of the people who you have shown an interest in through wall posts, post replies and private messages, pushing everyone else out of sight. b. You’re bored. Hey, you know what? aceboo can fi that, too. They can engineer what comes up first based on what works on people just like you. Check out this video about the mathematical underpinnings of beehives after we show you this opinionated post about Subway sandwiches from your male porn star friend and some pictures from a rock-climbing
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2016: NOT BAD Continued from pg 13 expedition that someone you almost slept with just posted. Now you’re hooked again! c. You’re pissed off and want to go outside. Lucky for you, Facebook can hide all the bad things that signal to the rational part of your brain to stop fucking staring at an endless feed of corporately mediated reality. You won’t get frustrated and walk away just because your friend’s dad posted an article about how climate change isn’t real; you won’t close your laptop just because your old co-worker shared four posts by Papa Roach to try and win concert tickets. Instead you simply click the little “hide” button and poof! Like magic, all discomforting opinions vanish. Once refined, all that’s left in your supposed representation of reality is what is called an “echo chamber” — rather than engaging in dialogue with people with varying opinions coming from different backgrounds and learning from each other, social media presents us with a carefully curated picture of what the world is. It’s the same 300 people patting each other on the head, agreeing with every single word you say and occasionally offering a slightly different perspective that still aligns with your general paradigm. The newsfeed we see bears some resemblance to the privacy fences we erect between our homes and our neighbors’ homes: We’d rather
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stare at a piece of comforting wood than see something or talk to somebody that might challenge us to think. But finally, thanks to an election season that resulted in two entirely separate and distinct realities emerging among the left and right sides of the electorate, people are finally a ing up to social media’s troubling echo chamber effect. And wouldn’t you know, they’re racing right to Facebook to post about it? — Drew Ailes
8. Because more foods than ever are shaped like America’s esophagus A year piled high with dead celebrities and the dashed hopes of Democrats cannot deect from the fact that 2016 was a magnificent year for meatfoods shaped like my esophagus. This isn’t some kind of puerile dick joke. I am utterly serious: I am a time-conscious millennial whose m a ny s o c i a l a n d professional engagements require meal solutions which can be eaten anywhere, whether I’m tweeting in the boardroom or snapping pajama selfies while also tweeting in the boardroom. It’s not an easy balance, and you learn a thing or two living this jet set-life — and the most important lesson is that a throat is a terrible thing to waste on foodstuffs not already processed into tubes which can slide down your
throat with the satisfying convenience of feedings batteries into a TV remote. And so I look at 2017 not with mounting existential horror but with the satisfaction of a man fed well with meat torpedoes. This year alone Taco Bell has brought back Rolled Chicken Tacos, Burger King has busted out a browntinged hot dog and, as a bonus, a rolled-up version of its famous burger, the Whopperrito. (Be still my meatchoked heart.) The trend of tubular meats began several years ago, as a niche offering in perhaps a handful of gas stations. From such humble beginnings, the cuisine has blossomed into a glistening field of protein cylinders, an array of tortilla-wrapped delectables which turn alongside sausages and bratwursts on roller grills across the country. In 2016, their calm, sizzling rotation composed the soundtrack of American life. Some still whine about how America used to make things, man. But these naysayers miss the point — America still makes things, just not the ind of stuff you’d find in a factory 40 years ago. In our new age, America is all about making things easier. Easier to understand, easier to compress, easier to flatten into two-dimensional concepts that can be rolled into missile-shaped simplicity. In 2016, we became a country of post-things: post-fact, post-work and, in its best version by far, post-chew foods that require knife and fork usage. We are a
In 2016, we became a country of postthings: post-fact, post-work and, in its best version by far, post-chew foods that require knife and fork usage. nation of Popsicles and corn dogs, not industry. This is the national progression of the future, and we, the multitudes who happily tilt our heads to swallow the nutritional equivalent of a fatty sawdust, are the inheritors of this modern kingdom. Inside my local QuikTrip, the roller grills are stocked with taquitos, brats and sausages that strain against their blistered casings — here is the future. Egg roll? Classic hot dog? Steak and cheese wrap? Screw decisions; just stuff them all in a bag. I devour every last one in my car, and lo I am become my own taquito, a container of many meaty multitudes. I wash it down with a Diet Dr. Pepper, and in this moment 2016 doesn’t seem so bad after all. — Danny Wicentowski
9. The Loop Trolley has yet to actually kill anyone “Clang clang clang,” went the trolley, “ding ding ding,” went the bell. “Oh fuck, shit,” went the bicyclist, lurching forward as his tires unexpectedly
locked into the tracks embedded into Delmar Boulevard. “Ow ow ow,” he muttered after landing, surveying the bloody damage to his face and hands. It is a scene that has played out repeatedly since construction began on the Delmar Loop Trolley — except forget about the clangs and the rings. The trolley isn’t even running yet, and already those illadvised tracks have sent multiple twowheeled vehicle enthusiasts to the hospital. But there is a bright side: Nobody has died yet! That may seem like a low bar, but consider that the same cannot be said of Seattle’s First Hill Streetcar. In May, 27-year-old Desiree McCloud was biking along when her tires locked into the tracks, sending the Seattle resident ying face-first into the pavement just before 10 a.m. Though McCloud was wearing a helmet, it did not save her life. Now that’s something to get upset about. A broken arm? By next year, we may look back on 2016 as the good old days. —Daniel Hill
10. Francis Slay is finally free to return to his natural habitat Mayor Francis Slay is one of the St. Louis region’s most fascinating creatures. cientific name Mayorus Laidbackus, this specimen is known to spend its formative years in poli sci programs and law schools before moving onto seemingly never-ending leadership roles in second-tier U.S. cities. B u t n o w, a f t e r an unprecedented four terms in public office spanning sixteen years, the creature known as Slay is entering the part of his life cycle when he must undertake the long journey up the Mississippi River to the gravel beds of his birth. The migration is treacherous, and as Slay swims, using geomagnetic and chemical cues to sniff out the shores where he was spawned, he will sometimes leap as high as twelve feet in the air to bypass waterfalls and other obstacles. This will leave the mayor susceptible to predators such as bears and eagles — many of his kind wind up serving as lunch rather than reaching their destination. But with more than a little luck, Slay will make his way to the spawning grounds, where he will deposit his eggs in the gravel and spawn future Slays, destined for mayorships of their own. And then Slay, who hasn’t been “off ” in public since Bill Clinton was in the White House, gets to relax the way the rest of us do. He can swear in public,
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Continued on pg 16
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DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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2016: NOT BAD Continued from pg 15
The Russians are coming. The CIA has gone public with its belief that Russian hackers manipulated the election process in order to swing a Trump victory. Do you realize what this means? The CIA, which is at the root of most great conspiracy theories, has its own conspiracy theory. We are through the looking glass, people. Nothing is true, and anything — anything — is possible. Is Trump a Kremlin stooge? Was Ken Bone a Russian sleeper agent planted to sow confusion? Was the X-Files revival a tip-off? How many of our electoral college representatives were involved in Project MKUltra and are still trippin’ balls on government LSD? We went through the longest and worst election cycle in history and all we learned from it is that America is about 48 percent racist — and about 38 percent of America already knew that. — Paul Friswold
Here we are at the assend of 2016, our faith in democracy shaken and all of us worried about what the future holds. It is vital that we remember how we got here, both to assess blame (there’s plenty to go around) and to build a historical record for the young to learn from. If we don’t do it now, we’ll have to do it from inside the Trumpbranded re-education camps when Steve Bannon is elected president in 2020. Here is what we know to be true. Nate Silver got his dick kicked in the dirt. The man with all the charts and graphs and the ability to interpret and explain their data points was predicting a Hillary Clinton victory up until the very end, like a geekier Muhammad Saeed al-Sahhaf. Silver’s synthesis of data was the security blanket for many deluded NPR listeners. “He’s correctly predicted every election since the Pepsi Challenge!” they’d crow when you expressed misgivings
about Trump’s momentum. “Nate Silver is never wrong.” But he was wrong, just like al-Sahhaf, and Silver hasn’t been seen since the day after the revolution (also like al-Sahhaf ). Now we’re free forever from prognosticators and oracles, and can just lay in the fetal position in our unlit rooms until President Bannon announces it’s time to turn on the ovens. Donald Trump is now the ultimate Washington insider, which means he hates himself? Hillary Clinton remains a free citizen (well, as free as anyone who hasn’t kissed Trump’s wee little pinkie ring can be); Trump has stocked his cabinet with Goldman Sachs executives; and he seems to be softening his rhetoric when it comes to immigration and global warming. The ultimate outsider has become a lying insider so quickly that even his hard-line supporters regret what they’ve done, and you can laugh at their fury on trumpgrets.tumblr. com. Think about it: Trump rose to power on crazy nocturnal tweets and feculent nonsense, and even he’s powerless in the face of Washington’s chthonic powers. It doesn’t matter how many thin-skinned shitbag narcissists you vote for, nobody will ever beat the Washington machine. It was built by the worst elements of society, and it’s powered exclusively by dirty money and broken promises — and renegade outsider cowboy billionaire Donald J. Trump has already bowed down before it. How unhappy is he with this turn of events?
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fart in an elevator and wander around Mardi Gras with a beer bong in hand and a song in his heart. Speaking of songs, the old prog rocker can finally get the band bac together and resume gigging. As for the city he’s guided for almost two decades, maybe it will start skewing a little more progressive as well. Stranger things have happened. — Daniel Hill
11. Because we’ve entered the void, and nothing matters
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12. Because a Missouri McDonald’s is serving unlimited french fries McDonald’s franchisee Chris Habiger shocked an unsuspecting world in April by announcing that his store in St. Joseph, Missouri, would be offering unlimited french fries. The chaos generated by the national press convinced Habiger to scale back his plans, and when the location opened in August the concept was said to be a temporary promotion, likely only to last a month or two. Yet here we are at the end of the year, and an employee tells us the fries are still flowing.
Habiger, a prescient man, probably saw the writing on the wall: 2016 is the year that Americans made clear they want that which is viscerally satisfying but devoid of substance, golden in color but poison ithin. tuff fistfuls of french fries in your mouth and sinuses, and fear not for terrible toll being inflicted upon your body’s vital systems. How much damage could they possibly do? — Daniel Hill
2017:
What Bad Things Will Happen? 2016 sucked wang, and not in a fun way. Will 2017 be better, like it was back when America was great, or worse, like when a “wealthy” circus peanut cosplaying as a human being was grabbing pussy left and right? Following a rigorous course of spiritual cleanses and violent refusals to shower, the man who won $10 betting on a Trump victory emerges from his haze of black metal and German Christmas cookie crumbs to offer predictions for the new year. Spoiler Alert: That man is me.
13. Because the dead remain dead
•
Trump dies before March ... leaving Mike “Puritan” Pence in charge.
Despite everything that has happened this year, every beloved relative and celebrity who died has remained dead. This may not seem like much to celebrate, but it’s potentially huge. Despite all the jokes about the Cubs’ championship and Trump’s ascension to America’s Tweeter-in-Chief being sure signs of the impending apocalypse, that has not proven true. The faithful departed have yet to claw their way out of their graves, ascending to heaven (if they’re good Christians) or staying on earth for more suffering and tribulations (if they’re sinners like us). And even if you don’t believe that faith-based stuff, the dead rising from the grave is a sure sign of the zombie apocalypse, which is generally bad for everybody regardless of faith (except for perhaps American survivalists; the jury remains out on this one). This one fact — the dead remain safely dead — is the only thing getting some of us to sleep at night. And here in the short, dark days of winter, we’ll take what we can get.— Paul Friswold
•
Rams win the Super Bowl Kroenke accepts the trophy while puking into a decapitated Fredbird’s open mouth.
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The surviving Rolling Stones team up to kill Ringo ... but he takes out all of them before succumbing to his wounds, leaving a devastated Paul McCartney to reflect on the end of the Stones vs. Beatles debate.
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Adele goes modern country
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John Ashcroft sings a medley of bowdlerized Bowie songs at the inauguration.
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Robert McCulloch doesn’t run for the St. Louis mayor job, but he somehow nevertheless wins the position.
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New food trends: ‘50s-style recipes (think meat Jell-o molds and hot dog charcuterie as main courses); heirloom porridge; deconstructed TV dinners; bad sitcom-themed restaurants (Two and a Half Naan, Kevin Can Steak, Family Gyro, etc).
•
Neil DeGrasse Tyson suffers an aneurysm pondering Rogue One space fight physics; Bill Nye dies in suspicious circumstances similar to Bob Crane’s murder; Stephen Hawking transforms into a one-man spacecraft and departs for a kinder galaxy
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New type of weaponized ringtone developed that can be heard through time and space.
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ISIS endorses the Mike Pence for President 2020 campaign
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-- Paul Friswold
REQUEST FOR PROPOSALS (RFP)
FOOD
The City of St. Louis, Department of Health (DOH), Bureau of Communicable Disease –Grants Administration is requesting proposals from local organizations, communityagencies, universities, local governmental entities and other interested parties eligible to receive federal funds to provide the following services: Contract Compliance, PlanningCouncil Support, and Childcare services. Interested parties are encouraged to respond to the solicitation for proposal beginning Monday, December 19, 2016. An RFP packet may be obtained from Phillip Johnson, Secretary I, DOH, 1520 Market Avenue, Room 4027, by either calling 314-657-1556 or via email JohnsonP@stlouis-mo.gov. Interested parties may also download the RFP from the City of St. Louis website at http://www.stlouis-mo.gov/ government/procurement.cfm. If interested parties have downloaded the proposal from the website, they must register with Mr. Johnson; in order to be notified of any changes or amendments to the RFPs. The deadline for submitting proposals is 4:00 p.m., Thursday, February 2, 2017 at the address referenced above.
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Backstreet Jazz & Blues club Free admission after shows at Westport Funny Bone
AMERICA’S #1 COMEDY CLUB PRESENTING THE FINEST IN STAND UP COMEDY FOR 30 YEARS
New Year’s Eve with JR Brow 3 Shows! 5:00, JR BROW December 28 - January 1 7:30, • Comedy Central’s “Live at Gotham” & 10:00 • CBS’s “Late Late Show with Craig Ferguson
GREG WARREN January 12-15 • Last Comic Standing • Guest Host on Guy Phillips & Company
purchase tickets online @ stlouisfunnybone.com riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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CALENDAR WEEK OF DECEMBER 29-JANUARY 4
On Christmas, Doctor Who has to deal with super heroes, aliens and his companions — still better than family, though. | COURTESY FATHOM EVENTS
BY PAUL FRISWOLD
THURSDAY 12/29 Doctor Who Christmas Episode The Doctor Who Christmas episode is as much a holiday tradition in some households as mistletoe or feats of strength. This year’s installment -- The Return of Doctor Mysterio -- sees the twelfth Doctor (Peter Capaldi) in New York as a swarm of brain-swapping aliens prepare to attack the city, or at least Manhattan. Aided by his assistant Nardole (Little Britain’s Matt Lucas), the Doctor attempts to forestall disaster with the help of a reporter and a masked man who insists on 18
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being called The Ghost. The Return of Doctor Mysterio combines super heroics and super science for an usual kind of Christmas special unusual even for Doctor Who. You can see it locally at 7 p.m. tonight at Wehrenberg Ronnies 20 Cine (5320 South Lindbergh Boulevard; www.fathomevents). Tickets are $12.50 to $15.
SATURDAY 12/31 St. Louis Symphony New Year’s Eve
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
Performing classical music at the highest level, as the musicians of the St. Louis Symphony do, requires discipline, commitment and control. Those qualities also enable the group to keep the format and content of its annual New Year’s Eve Celebration top secret. The evening features sterling performances and surprises, often in the form of unexpected guests, and also in the musical selections. The year-ending concert has become a hot ticket because of its mystery, and because you never see the same show twice. David Robertson and the St. Louis Symphony do it once again -- whatever it may be -- at 7:30 p.m. tonight at Powell Hall (718 North Grand Boulevard; www. slso.org). Tickets are $55 to $134.
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NYE Live! The biggest party in downtown St. Louis is NYE Live! at Ballpark Village (601 Clark Avenue; www. stlballparkvillage.com). The celebration spreads across five different venues within the complex, with live music, a set by DJ Dynamix and the only realtime ball drop in town. There are two different packages to chose from. The Gold GA Package offers all-inclusive drinks from 8 p.m. to midnight (premium liquor, wine and domestic beer) and complimentary midnight champagne toast. The Platinum VIP package features the same allinclusive drink options from 7 p.m. to midnight, your choice of either
should make for an interesting game; short, sharp passes may be the key to victory. Let’s Go Blues!
TUESDAY 01/03 Daniel Shular: Camp-Pain, 2016
Camp-Pain, 2016 revisits the election through one man’s viewfinder. | DANIEL SHULAR the VIP buffet at Budweiser Brew House or the buffet at Cardinals Nation (from 7 to 10 p.m.) and a complimentary midnight champagne toast.
Family Friendly New Year’s Eve We haven’t had a nighttime New Year’s party you could bring your kids to since First Night stopped happening. But this year, the St. Louis Blues and the CityArchRiver Foundation have planned a little something for everybody. The Family Friendly New Year’s Eve at the Winterfest at the Arch skating rink in Luther Ely Smith Square (North Planning an event, exhibiting your art or putting on a play? Let us know and we’ll include it in the Night & Day section or publish a listing in the online calendar — for free! Send details via e-mail (calendar@ riverfronttimes.com), fax (314-754-6416) or mail (6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130, attn: Calendar). Include the date, time, price, contact information and location (including ZIP code). Please submit information three weeks prior to the date of your event. No telephone submissions will be accepted. Find more events online at www.riverfronttimes.com.
Fourth and Market streets; www. archwinterfest.com) features a day of skating ($7 to $12) from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. with food trucks, music and performances by Circus Kaput, the local practitioners of everything from comedy stunts to aerial artistry. And then at 8 p.m., you get fire or s over the ississippi.
A Spectaculaire New Year’s Speakeasy If you’re tired of the hectic pace of the modern New Year’s Eve party, take a trip back to the 1920s with A Spectaculaire New Year’s Speakeasy. Lola Van Ella and her burlesque beauties recreate a simpler time when the men wore suits and hats and the ladies wore very little. The showgirls are backed by the jazzy tunes of the Van Ella band, and the acts range from fire performers to ama ing aerialists, ith magicians, appers and fortune tellers thrown in as well. A Spectaculaire New Year’s Speakeasy starts at 9 p.m. at the Casa Loma Ballroom (3354 Iowa Avenue; www.eventbrite.
com). Tickets are $55 to $350 and include the show and a midnight champagne toast. You can upgrade to get access to the midnight breakfast buffet if youd like. This is a party for adults, so 21 and older only, please.
MONDAY 01/02 NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic On a purpose-built ice rink in the heart of Busch Stadium (Broadway and Poplar streets; www.stlblues. com), two old enemies meet once again on the national stage. The St. Louis Blues, a team with an excellent pedigree that is mostly ignored by the league and the networks in favor of the Canadian clubs or the teams on either coast, finally gets to take the spotlight on one of hockey’s biggest stages. The NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic is broadcast live from St. Louis today at noon on NBC and KMOX (1120 AM), as the St. Louis Blues take on the Chicago Blackhawks. The longrange forecast predicts a balmy 46 degrees for game time, which
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Is it too soon to relive the 2016 presidential race? Daniel Shular is an independent photojournalist who followed the campaign from start to finish as it criss-crossed the country. He photographed the supporters and protesters ho filled the streets as America struggled with the most unusual election season in recent memory. With no news organization to subsidize his journey, Shular resorted to sleeping on couches, in his car and occasionally springing for a room in a seedy motel. CampPain, 2016 is an exhibit of Shular’s best work, some of which you may recognize from Fox News, Al Jazeera, the Daily Mail or any of the other outlets that bought his photos as he followed the race. The show is open Tuesday through Saturday (January 3 to 28), at the Dark Room (615 North Grand Boulevard; www. thedarkroomstl.com) with an opening reception on Friday, January 6.
WEDNESDAY 01/04 The Quiet Earth Zac Hobson is one of many scientists working on an energy project when something goes wrong overnight. Hobson wakes up to a city devoid of people, and as he explores his New Zealand home looking for other survivors, he slowly comes to accept that he is the last man on earth. Not only is he alone, he’s partially responsible for what’s happened -- and this burden begins to erode his sanity. When Hobson discovers fellow survivors Joanne and Api his fears are quieted, but only for a short time. Director Geoff urphy’s apocalypse film The Quiet Earth is a weird excursion into late Cold War paranoia and modern science fiction, set in an unlikely New Zealand location. The Quiet Earth screens at 8 p.m. tonight at chla y ottle or s outhwest Avenue; www.webster.edu/ film-series as part the ebster ilm Series’ Strange Brew program. Admission is $5.
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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THE ICE M E N COM ET H THE NHL BRIDGESTONE WINTER CLASSIC IS I N TO W N , A N D T H AT ’ S A H U G E D E A L . H E R E ’ S YOUR COMPLETE GUIDE TO ALL THE FUN
By Paul Friswold
F
or the next thirteen days, St. Louis becomes the epicenter of the hockey world. There will be more games played in this span than in the entirety of the Olympics. Many of them will be played by enthusiastic kids and amateurs, two will be played by retirees, and one will be the biggest professional game of the year outside of the Stanley Cup playoffs — but all of them take place in St. Louis. Rejoice in the splendor of the NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic, the eye of a hurricane of hockey that swirls around our town beginning this week and lasting until early 2017. Here are all the highlights.
H E A RT L A N D O F H O C K E Y H O L I DAY C L A S S I C The day after Christmas, hockey parents of the region will drive their young skaters to various rinks to commence the Heartland of Hockey Holiday Classic. Don’t turn your nose up at kids hockey — there’s nothing like watching nine-year-olds do the swooping-fist-pump/falcon-punch-to-the-sky after they score a goal. This youth hockey tournament runs from Monday to Friday (December 26 to 30), with the Hardee’s Iceplex (16851 North Outer 40 Drive, Chesterfield; www.hardeesiceplex.com) acting as the hub rink for most of the games. (Additional games are played at the St. Peters Recplex and the Ice Zone at the Mills.) All of these games are free and open to the public. Visit www.hockeyintheheartland.com for more information.
WINTERFEST AT THE ARCH The St. Louis Blues and the CityArchRiver Foundation have arranged for a temporary ice rink to be installed in Luther Ely Smith Square (North Fourth and Market Streets; www.archwinterfest.com). This synthetic ice rink feels just like ice under your skates, but won’t melt when St. Louis undergoes the inevitable violent weather-based mood swing. It will be open from 11 a.m. to 8 p.m. daily (December 27 to January 8), with music and food vendors on site. A number of special events are also planned, including a family-friendly New Year’s Eve celebration and a street hockey tournament for kids (ages seven to twelve) on New Year’s Day. The Blues will also have certified coaches and alumni teaching kids hockey basics during two days (December 29 and 30) of Try Hockey for Free sessions before the rink opens to the public. Come out to skate in the shadow of the Gateway Arch; skate rental is just $7 to $12.
ALUMNI GAME One of the greatest traditions of the Winter Classic is the Alumni Game, which sees two teams of fan favorites return for a mostly friendly but still competitive game. The Blues Alumni team is stocked with a ridiculous amount of talent. Brett Hull and Adam Oates are reunited at last in St. Louis sweaters, the legendary Bernie Federko will work his wizardry again — perhaps on a line with Keith Tkachuk and Scott Young — both Gino and Paul Cavallini are lacing them up, and the all-time greatest player in NHL history, Wayne Gretzky, will add a nineteenth game to his St. Louis tenure. The defense might be illegal — Al MacInnis, Chris Pronger, Garth Butcher, Barret Jackman, Bryce Salvador and Bruce Affleck will be protecting goalies ‘80s mainstay Ed Staniowski, future Hall of Famer Martin Brodeur and the brilliant Mike Liut. Keep an eye out for former Blues grinder Jamal Mayers, who will unfortunately be on the Blackhawks alumni team, but at least he’s here. The game takes place at 1:30 p.m. Saturday, December 31, at Busch Stadium (Broadway and Poplar Street; www.stlblues.com), and it will be broadcast live on Fox Sports Midwest and KMOX 1120-AM. Tickets, unfortunately, are sold out.
NHL BRIDGESTONE WINTER CLASSIC This is it. As a 50th birthday present, the St. Louis Blues host the 2017 NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic. It officially counts in the standings as only one of 82 games, but emotionally it means so much more. From the team’s lowest point — when the Blues didn’t send a representative to draft anyone in 1983 and the team was almost sold and moved to Saskatoon, Saskatchewan — to today, only 34 years have passed. There have been President’s Trophy-winning seasons, and there have been lean years when the team skidded along the bottom of the standings. But there’s been nothing like this. The current ownership group, headed up by Tom Stillman, has rebuilt the team and reengaged with the fans to the point that it feels like these are the glory days. Today, all of that history shines a little brighter in the glow of the Winter Classic. St. Louis earned this, just as all good things in hockey are earned: through hard work, determination and guts. The St. Louis Blues take on the Chicago Blackhawks one more time at noon Monday, January 2, 2017, on a specially constructed outdoor rink at Busch Stadium (Broadway and Poplar Street; www.stlcardinals.com). The game is sold out, but will be broadcast live on NBC and KMOX 1120-AM.
THE PREGAME The Winter Classic is a big deal in the hockey world, which explains why it enjoys a three-day pre-game party. The official PreGame takes place from 9 a.m. to 1:30 p.m. Saturday, noon to 4 p.m. Sunday and 9 a.m. to noon on Monday (December 31 to January 2) at Ballpark Village’s parking lot A and B (601 Clark Avenue). You can step into the crease and test your skill at stopping pucks in the interactive hockey game, snap some wrist shots into a washer and dryer and pose for photos in three spots that sound utterly intriguing: Reebok’s augmented reality photo booth, a recreation of the NHL Network’s broadcast booth, and the “Velveeta Liquid Gold Snow Globe” (yes, really). Finally, the party ends and the pre-game begins in earnest at 10:30 a.m. on Monday, when Nelly performs his greatest hits. Vendors will be selling food and drink and official Winter Classic merchandise all three days.
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ONE NATION CL ASSIC CLOSING CEREMONIES The NHL Bridgestone Winter Classic closes with one final day full of hockey and surprises. At 11:30 a.m. Sunday, January 8, at Busch Stadium (Broadway and Poplar Street; www.stlcardinals.com) the Blues players will engage in a skills competition. St. Louis’ Greatest Pick-Up Hockey Game takes place at 1 p.m., with Blues owner Tom Stillman and Cardinals big bird Bill DeWitt III captaining a game between Blues and Cardinals alumni; it should be interesting to see who on the Cards’ team can skate, let alone skate backwards. Those captaincies are not just ceremonial. Both DeWitt and Stillman partake in a weekly skating session, so don’t be surprised if they end up on the scoreboard. Immediately after the Blues-Cards game, a team of police officers and a team of firemen take the ice for a third and final game. Admission is only $10, and proceeds benefit Blues for Kids youth hockey programs and Cardinals Care.
©2016 COORS BREWING COMPANY, GOLDEN, CO NHL, THE NHL SHIELD AND THE WORD MARK NHL WINTER CLASSIC ARE REGISTERED TRADEMARKS AND THE NHL WINTER CLASSIC LOGO IS A TRADEMARK OF THE NATIONAL HOCKEY LEAGUE. © NHL 2016. ALL RIGHTS RESERVED.
CL_NHL_WinterClassic_PRINT_9_875x12_625__206286JC.indd 1
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R I V E R F R O N T 11/2/16 T I M E 2:43 S PM 21
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FILM
[REVIEW]
Songs in the Key of Life Sing is the rare animated film that feels like real life, but better Written by
MARYANN JOHANSON Sing
Directed by Garth Jennings and Christophe Lourdelet. Written by Garth Jennings. Starring Matthew McConaughey, Reese Witherspoon, Seth MacFarlane and Scarlett Johansson. Now screening at multiple theaters.
S
o, since the comparison is inevitable, let’s get this out of the way right now: Yes, Sing — from Illumination, the people who gave us the Despicable Me movies and The Secret Life of Pets, among others — bears a lot of similarities to Disney’s Zootopia. Both are set in human-free worlds in which many species of anthropomorphized animals live together in relative harmony. But that’s about the extent of it. The two movies are very different in tone and humor and drama and intent. They’re not really much more similar than any two movies in which all the characters are homo sapiens. Seeing one does not mean you need to exclude seeing the other. And you shouldn’t miss this one. Sing is a total delight: smart, sweet, gently funny. This could well be a movie produced in the city of Zootopia, its Pitch Perfect, perhaps. It’s the tale of theatrical impresario Buster Moon, a koala, who, in a last-ditch attempt to save his grand but failing theater, decides to put on a voice-talent show, open to anyone. (Sing’s music might even get human kids interested in classic pop standards à la Irving Berlin and Frank Sinatra. There’s tons of modern pop here, too.) To be honest, it’s never clear precisely how this show will save the venue — even if it sold out, it wouldn’t bring in that much
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In the city, the mighty city, the animals sing tonight. | © 2016 Universal Studios money — but that’s Buster: He’s a marsupial of big ideas and bigger optimism, and never mind the details. One of the chief, and most unexpected, pleasures of Sing is Matthew McConaughey, who is wonderfully exuberant as the voice of Buster. More so than any other cartoon voice performance that springs to mind — with, ironically, the exception of Jason Bateman as Nick the fox in Zootopia — his creates an alchemy with the animation that brings the character to spectacularly vivid and utterly charming life. (John C. Reilly as the voice of Eddie, Buster’s sheep best friend, is a close second.) I don’t mean to imply there’s a single voice performance here that isn’t terrific, but there’s an extra spark of magic in McConaughey’s. It had never occurred to me before, but if there’s a new leap that animated movies can take, we could be seeing it onscreen this year: There are fresh heights of delight that the vocal performances can reach.
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
As is probably inevitable in a story populated by animals of all sizes, shapes, and colors, the notion that people (as these animals most definitely are are perfectly capable of getting along ust fine with other people who look different — sometimes very different — is inherent in the tale. But that goes unspoken here, unlike in Zootopia, and instead there’s a strong running motif of people needing to feel useful, accepted for their talents and not taken for granted. Often this takes a particularly gendered tinge, as with punk porcupine Ash (the voice of Scarlett Johansson), whose boyfriend dismisses her musical creativity and refuses to let her have the spotlight, and with pig mom Rosita (the voice of Reese Witherspoon), whose passel of piglet kiddies are a real handful. (One of Rosita’s challenges finding child care so that she can attend talent-show rehearsals! For a genuine battle for working mothers to get even a comic nod in a children’s movie
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is truly radical.) There’s also Eddie the sheep, who, as a trust-fund kid, needs a purpose in life; Meena the elephant (the voice of Tori Kelly), whose shyness keeps her from showing off her soaring singing voice; and Johnny (the voice of Taron Egerton), whose father doesn’t want any son of his to be a performer. Rather than Zootopia, Sing might bear a stronger resemblance, at least thematically, to writer and co-director Garth Jennings’ Son of Rambow, his 2007 comedy about a couple of preteen boys who make a First Blood-inspired home movie. (The other co-director is Christophe Lourdelet, an animator making his directorial debut.) For if Sing is about anything other than animals dressed up in people clothes and walking on their hind legs for our amusement, it is this: Talent can be found everywhere, and often needs only a confidence boost and the right opportunity to express itself. That’s a nice, important message for kids. And for grownups, too.
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The Improv Shop has been keeping it funny since 2009. | COURTESY OF THE IMPROV SHOP [COMEDY]
A New Home for Improv Written by
SARAH FENSKE
A
fter seven years of teaching comedy and six of hosting comedy shows in nearly a halfdozen leased spaces around the city, the mprov hop is finally settling down — with a new home in the Grove. The comedy organization’s owner, Kevin McKernan, closed last week on the standalone building at 3960 Chouteau that previously held Bad Dog and, more recently, R-Bar. The 7,500-square-foot building offers a performance-ready stage (previously used for drag shows), a bar, a kitchen and even a private parking lot. It represents a sizable upgrade from the Improv Shop’s previous four rooms in two different buildings in the Central West End. The R-Bar space will increase audience capacity to 200 and provide a separate bar area, offering patrons and performers alike room to drink without interrupting the next performance. cKernan says he first reali ed the spot might be available by reading the RFT’s roundup of restaurant openings and closings. Realizing he wanted to invest in a bigger space, he’d made a habit of scanning them
— even, in this case, while on his honeymoon. “I saw that the R Bar was closing, and I was like, ‘I think that’s over there in a cool, weird space — and lo and behold it was,’” he says. A few phone calls later, the building’s o ner confirmed that he was ready to sell; the rest is history. By day a speech and improv teacher at SLU High, McKernan has seen the organization he founded grow year after year. Currently more than 200 people are enrolled in classes, with shows held every Wednesday and Thursday, double bills on Friday and Saturday and student shows on Monday. McKernan is intrigued by the possibilities for growth. “There’s a kitchen there too, so we hope to slowly start offering snacks during shows,” he says. He plans to apply for a 3 a.m. license as well. “It would be nice to let people have a drink after shows without having to rush them out,” he says. One of the nicest things about improv, he notes, is the way it attracts participants from all walks of life. “You can have a single mom with a 70-year-old trial attorney and a 16-year-old kid, and they’re in this weird group together,” he says. “It brings people together.” McKernan hopes to be open in the new location by March 1. “It’s just a matter of moving equipment over and fixing a few things,” he says. For now, he adds, basic functionality is enough. “We’ve been on top of a fried chicken place before. We all smelled like fried chicken every day for a year. We’ll be fine. n riverfronttimes.com
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[LIST]
The 10 Best New Restaurants of 2016 St. Louis chefs dazzled us with everything from ramen to pastry this year. Here are the crème de la crème. Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
I
f you take a bird’s eye view of the last few years, St. Louis’ food scene has been all about perfecting various culinary genres. There was barbecue, fried chicken and Neapolitan pizza — and 2016 was no different with its emphatic embrace of ramen. But the biggest trend in 2016 had nothing to do with noodle bowls per se. Instead, the common thread that unified the city’s dining environment was subtler, and much less easily uantifiable t as the year that chefs and restaurateurs followed their hearts and took the leaps they’d been waiting to take. Whether it was the former culinary educator and consultant who put down roots at his dream café in Southampton, the veteran corporate chef who turned his passion for local food into a CSAinspired restaurant, or the longtime chef-for-hire who fired up his smoker and showed this town the barbecue prowess he’d always had within, this year, the story is about those who had the courage to show us their true colors. This theme was also present in the year’s most prominent restaurant closing — Gerard Craft’s decision to shutter his acclaimed institution, Niche. Citing an overwhelming feeling that the restaurant no longer represented who he was as a chef, Craft transformed
Olive + Oak, the Webster Groves restaurant whose tagliatelle is shown here, earns our critic’s pick as the year’s best newcomer. | MABEL SUEN his agship into the family-friendly breakfast, lunch and dinner spot Sardella, which opened too late in the year to be ready for review (it will be considered for next year’s list). “We open restaurants we want to eat at,” Craft said. And this year, that’s what St. Louis’ tastema ers gave us the places they want to eat at — and as it turns out, that’s where we want to eat, too. 1. OLIVE + OAK When it comes to restaurateurs who followed their hearts, no pair is more representative than Mark Hinkle and Greg Ortyl. The friends met through the Children’s Heart Foundation, and this January opened their Webster Groves restaurant as a way to honor the memories of their late sons, Oliver and Oakes. In a phone call earlier this year, Hinkle told me that when he and Ortyl went to look at the building, a small oak leaf blew in and rested on the doorstep at the very moment they were getting ready to step through the doors.
He took it as a sign that they were on the right path. These days, the packed house — reservations book out as much as two months in advance — is the sign that Hinkle and Ortyl are doing things right. Together with chef Jesse Mendica (like Hinkle, an alum of Annie Gunn’s), they have created a restaurant that is nothing short of impeccable. Mendica and her team execute everything from blue crab gratin to mammoth steaks with aplomb, bar manager Chelsea Little serves up an exciting cocktail program and the service team makes everyone feel as if they are guests at a terrific dinner party. Olive + Oak has been a phenomenal success, but there’s no doubt it’s deserved. This is the sort of place that makes you feel like the good guys are winning. 2. VISTA RAMEN A ramen restaurant may not have been exactly what chef Chris Bork had in mind when he envisioned the restaurant of his dreams, but
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when co-owners Casey and Jeremy Miller approached him with the idea, he jumped at the opportunity. Having previously worked with the Millers at the Mud House, Bork knew they would give him the freedom to express himself creatively in the kitchen, even if that meant straying from the traditional ramen template. That’s exactly what Bork has done at Vista Ramen, and it’s what makes the place such a success. Though noodle soups make up the entirety of the restaurant’s entrée-sized offerings, Vista is decidedly not a ramen shop. Instead, it’s a modernist canvas for Bork to showcase his immense talent in everything from smoked scallops to Thai sausage to pumpkin miso agnolotti. Bork’s kitchen is producing the city’s most interesting cuisine these days, earning him a place at the table of St. Louis’ top chefs. 3. KOUNTER KULTURE When co-owners Christine Meyer
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10 BEST NEW EATRIES Continued from pg 25 and Michael Miller started their freshman effort, Kitchen Kulture, they thought they’d be selling t-shirts. Thankfully for us, the owner of the Tower Grove Farmers Market wouldn’t let them hawk their wares without offering food as well. From that market stall, their Asian-inspired, hyper-local prepared foods business took off, gaining them a following that would lead them to open a full- edged restaurant. Their new spot, Kounter Kulture, is a tiny takeout operation in Lindenwood Park, but what the place lacks in real estate, it more than makes up for in its shoc ingly big avors. Every bite at Kounter Kulture — whether it’s the sweet, black peppery Japanese fried chicken or the outheast sian-in ected shrimp and grits — leaves you scratching your head at how so many disparate yet complimentary avors can coexist in one dish. They may serve their food out of a humble takeout box, but Meyer and Miller’s impeccable cuisine would be at home on the city’s finest china. 4. TWISTED TREE If you were to judge this book by its cover, chances are you’d drive past Twisted Tree, assuming it must be a generic sports bar serving guests at the adjacent Holiday Inn. I had those low expectations, but must admit I have never been so wrong about a restaurant in my life — and after discovering its pedigree, I understand why it’s such a smashing success. The Sunset Hills steakhouse exists as an homage to the Pear Tree, an institution in the rural Missouri community of Bevier that burned to the ground in 2012. Known for its aged steaks, onion rings and batter-dipped lobster tails, the Pear Tree was a must-visit
Ben Poremba’s Parigi brilliantly combines French technique with Italian dishes. | MABEL SUEN stop for the region’s wealthy hunters, who descended upon Bevier in their leisure time. With the help of the Syberg family, the Pear Tree’s owners brought the spirit of their restaurant back to life at Twisted Tree, showing even non-hunting St. Louisans why the original place was so legendary. Steaks are wet and dry-aged well in excess of 100 days, resulting in a complex depth of avor. ust li e at the old place, salads are served family-style and come with the restaurant’s signature warm garlic croutons, which alone are reason enough to dine here — though if you fill up on them, you might not have room for a slice of “Wedding Cake,” a glorious almond buttercream confection that brings tears to the eyes faster than any exchange of vows.
5. PARIGI A scholar of the arcane German philosopher Hegel, restaurateur Ben Poremba is so often in his own head that his ideas can seem too cerebral, if not downright odd. So when he announced his vision for Parigi as an Italian restaurant set in interwar Paris, you had to wonder how he could possibly pull it off. But while the idea may have seemed uber-conceptual, the reality makes perfect sense. An Italian restaurant refined by rench techni ue, arigi stuns ith magnificent housemade pastas, bruschetta di caponata and the platonic form of roasted chicken, all prepared under the direction of executive chef Ramon uffie. he dreamy setting overlooking Clayton’s Shaw Park bears the mark of Poremba’s knack
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for design, incorporating vintage elements with a romanticism that’s like a cross between Fellini and the Sistine Chapel. When Poremba says he’s going to do something, we should never doubt that he’ll go through with it — and do it incredibly well. 6. EDIBLES AND ESSENTIALS (TIE) Unlike at most restaurants, where the chef is confined to the itchen, Matt Borchardt does it all at Edibles and Essentials. He’s the guy behind the counter taking your order, the sales clerk describing the virtues of various types of olive oil and the guy opening your wine and bringing you your food — and he wouldn’t have it any other way. A former chef consultant and culinary educator, Continued on pg 28
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H A N D T OA S S E D P I Z Z A • F R E S H PA S TA • H O M E M A D E T OA S T E D R AV I O L I AU T H E N T I C I TA L I A N & G R E E K S P E C I A L I T I E S C A R RY � O U T S • C AT E R I N G • P R I VAT E PA RT I E S • O P E N 1 1 A M � 10 P M M O N DAY � S AT U R DAY
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10 BEST NEW EATRIES Continued from pg 26 Borchardt opened his Southampton café as a place to balance his love of cooking with his passion for teaching. The set-up is part deli counter, part retail space and part fast-casual restaurant, though it’s no hipotle uests are encouraged to buy a bottle of wine and linger over Borchardt’s signature cherry smoked deep-fried ribs for as long as they’d like. 6. LOCAL CHEF KITCHEN (TIE) Well before words like “sustainable,” organic” or “farm-to-table” were essential labels for the nation’s trendiest restaurants, chef Robert Uyemura was quietly living that philosophy in the unlikeliest place a corporate restaurant in Chesterfield. However, when his kitchen philosophy turned into a lifestyle, and that lifestyle led him to form his own CSA, Uyemura knew that his calling was to show people the full range of what is possible with conscious cuisine. The result of his vision is Local Chef Kitchen, a restaurant that doesn’t just use sustainable ingredients — it exists because of them. Out of his simple Ballwin storefront, Uyemura serves impeccable cuisine in a fast-casual setting at affordable prices, and shows that what you can do with local, sustainable food goes far beyond the usual lip service. 8. NATHANIEL REID BAKERY Consider one of Nathaniel Reid’s signature dishes, a dome-shaped beauty hose avor is capable of inducing ecstasy. He calls the confection the “Amber Cake,” but there are no words to fully convey its perfection. A luxurious silken dome of salted caramel mousse is gilded with pecan caramel with a crunchy shortbread crust that tastes like a nutty, brown butter biscuit. It’s the sort of dessert you’d expect to find served on a gilded platter in the presidential suite of a five-star hotel. Chances are it has been. After all, the “Amber Cake” is the handiwork of acclaimed pastry chef Reid, who made a name for himself at some of the world’s most exclusive properties. But as Reid once told me, “My dad is a carpenter. I want to have a place where he can come and feel comfortable. I want to be able to give this sort of luxury to everyone.” He’s done this with his magnificent Kir ood ba ery, where he gives his guests little 28
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The eponymous chef at Kirkwood’s Nathaniel Reid Bakery crafts pastries that are nothing less than perfect. | MABEL SUEN
Edibles & Essentials offers delicious food in the city’s Southampton neighborhood. | MABEL SUEN pieces of heaven for only a handful of dollars — and that is what makes the place priceless. 9. BIG BABY Q Ben Welch has never been shy about his barbecue skills, once saying in an interview, “I’ve heard that Mike Emerson is my competition.” Comparing himself to the godfather of Pappy’s Smokehouse and the city’s undisputed king of ‘cue was a bold statement, considering Welch didn’t even have his own smokehouse, let alone a proper venue to showcase his barbecue prowess.
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
He does now with his Maryland Heights smokehouse Big Baby Q, and once you bite into his luscious, forktender brisket, you’ll understand he had reason to be so confident. n fact, every last thing coming out of his smoker — the pulled pork, pork steaks and even the oft-overlooked chicken — is nothing short of spectacular. Welch has proven his barbecue bona fides and placed himself firmly in the pantheon of t. Louis’ most important pitmasters. 10. PORANO Leave it to acclaimed chef Gerard Craft to take something as simple
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as pasta, pair it with the fast-casual concept and turn it into something so impeccable it’s orthy of finedining treatment. Following the Chipotle model, guests at Porano choose from a variety of housemade pastas, sauces and accoutrements. However, the beauty of Porano goes far deeper than a bowl of magnificent pasta. ere, raft and his team push the limits of what is possible with the casual genre, not only in the quality of the food but in the ethics and environmental consciousness that are so often at odds with grab-and-go style eating. Like all of Craft’s restaurants, Porano is a testing ground for his vision of what’s possible with food and where it’s going — and like all of Craft’s restaurants, that place is where we want to be.
HONORABLE MENTIONS Yolklore: Partners Mary Boehne, John Bogacki and Billy Oziransky elevate our understanding of what breakfast can be at this lovely breakfast spot in Crestwood. Melo’s Pizzeria: Joey Valenza turned his love for bread-making into this charming Neapolitan-inspired pizzeria in Benton Park. Tai Ke: s t. ouis’ first ai anese restaurant, Tai Ke introduces us to the island’s vibrant street food culture. n
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[SIDE DISH]
Jordan Howe Aims to Make Sardella a Coffee Mecca Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
T
he head barista at Sardella (7734 Forsyth Boulevard, Clayton; 314-773-7755), Jordan Howe, was at his lowest point professionally when he wandered into Reeds American Table to apply for a job as a host. “Seriously, you know how in those documentaries about people’s lives there is always this really low point where they were about to hang it all up and quit?” Howe asks. “If anyone ever asks me, this was that point. But it turned out that it was the greatest thing that ever happened to me.” Howe had reason to be down at that moment. A musician who started working in coffeehouses to make money, Howe’s first gig at Foam introduced him to coffee culture. When he left Cherokee Street for the cafe at Nordstrom, he found himself getting more and more interested in coffee: “In my spare time I started going to places like Sump and Blueprint and tasting all of these incredible coffees and seeing the people going to all of these wild countries like Ethiopia and places in Central America, and it just hit me that I wanted to do this. I wanted to go down the rabbit hole.” When Howe’s friend Chris Phillips told him he was opening his own place, the Living Room, Howe jumped at the chance to be a part of it. The Maplewood spot gave Howe the chance to work at the level he’d craved. However, a difference in vision with the Living Room’s owners left him looking for a new job. That’s
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Now the head barista at Sardella, Jordan Howe got his start at Foam but found inspiration at Reeds American Table. | CHERYL BAEHR when he wandered into Reeds — which proved to be a game changer. “I’ve never learned more about who I am and what I want to do than at that restaurant,” says Howe. “There’s just such a quality of service there that had been missing in my experiences. It was a eureka moment where everything that people love about coffee and service and the dining experience and customer care all merged.” When Howe learned that Gerard Craft was opening his new concept Sardella — and that he would have a bona fide coffee program there — he knew he wanted in. Now he runs the program. Howe hopes that Sardella will offer guests the same type of specialty coffee experience you get at the finer shops in to n, but in a restaurant setting — something he thinks has been lacking in the industry. “Most, even though they put all of this care into everything else, treat coffee like an afterthought,” he says. “It’s like going to a wine bar and ordering a beer, and having them pull a warm one
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
out of the basement. And when you ask them what kind it is they say, ‘I don’t know. It’s beer.’” That will never happen at Sardella, Howe insists. “Everyone is so supportive here. If we’re going to do this, then we’re really going to do it right.” Howe took a break from the coffee bar to share his thoughts on the St. Louis food and beverage scene, the importance of good, filtered water and why embracing your perceived weaknesses is actually a strength. What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did? That I have ADHD. I always thought that I needed to hide my a s and be ashamed at times, but it was only by embracing a perceived weakness that I was able to understand that it’s all part of what makes me who I am. What daily ritual is non-negotiable for you? I have two. The first is saying goodbye to my girlfriend every morning when I leave for work at 5:30 a.m. She works nights so
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it’s the only time that we see each other some days! The other is, of course, having coffee. The ritual and process of that first cup is still just so magical to me. If you could have any superpower, what would it be? t has to be ying. here are so many places that I want to travel. Though, if eating and never getting full or gaining a ton of weight was a superpower, I’d be cool with that, too. What is something missing in the local food, wine or cocktail scene that you’d like to see? I’d like to see more risk taking. This city doesn’t always embrace change so you end up seeing a lot of the same concepts showing up over and over. It’s slowly starting to change though. You see chefs moving back to the city after gaining some amazing experience at other restaurants. You see the people that have been here continuing to push forward. It’s not just about the food, but the dining environment of a restaurant. At Sardella, we are bringContinued on pg 32
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DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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JORDAN HOWE Continued from pg 30
Shawarma King’s mixed shawarma and rice, served with a small salad and tahini sauce. | SARAH FENSKE
[FIRST LOOK]
Shawarma King Is Now Open in the Delmar Loop Written by
SARAH FENSKE
I
f your idea of shawarma is a sort of dried-out chicken, served in a pita doused with tahini, you might want to get yourself to the Loop, stat. There, the street’s newest restaurant, Shawarma King (571 Melville Avenue, University City; 314-261-4833), is serving a version of the Middle Eastern spit-roasted meat so flavorful, and so delicious, you’ll swear you ere tasting it for the first time. The proprietor of Shawarma King, which opened one week ago in the spot that previously held Zippy Burger, is named Mohammed Alsalem. A restaurant industry veteran, he’s worked at other Middle Eastern concepts in St. Louis, though he’d rather not 32
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have them named, and he’s confident that his ne venture can find customers — even though there’s plenty of competition. The Loop alone has three other Middle Eastern restaurants, two of them fast-and-affordable counter service spots like his own. Still, he’ll put his shawarma up against any other place in town. “When people see how we slice the meat,” he says, pointing to the two rotisserie spits visible from the counter, “they’ll see.” What he wants them to see is that both his beef and his chicken shawarma are marinated overnight in his unique vinegar-based blends, each of which includes a host of hand-ground spices. “We want people to enjoy fresh meat,” he says. “We don’t keep anything in the freezer. Everything is served fresh, including the pita.” The payoff? Tender chunks of meat with delicate seasoning and a truly wonderful texture — even the chicken is so soft it seems to melt in your mouth. Served on a platter with rice and a salad or in a softly folded pita with crisp pickle slices, it’s too tasty to reuire tahini sauce the avors can hold their own. And that’s not all Shawarma King is doing here. The “veg platter” — an absolute steal at lunch for just $7.99 — includes balls of house-made falafel, tab-
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
bouleh and grape leaves stuffed with rice, as well as hummus and a wonderfully smoky baba ganoush. It’s a gorgeous plate and just as tasty. Prices are quite reasonable: $5.75 for a falafel sandwich or $6.75 for the chicken, beef or mixed shawarma versions, with fries for an additional $1.50. Or try the mixed shawarma platter: It includes both beef and chicken as well as rice, tahini and an Arabic salad for $10.99. “It’s a reasonable price and a big nice meal,” Alsalem promises. “We want people to eat more for less.” Like its predecessor, which closed in October, Shawarma King is spare, but cheerful. Small lanterns smile from the windowsills, while a trio of tin stars hang on the wall. The walls have been a painted a soft yellow, with blue windowsills providing a pop of color. Alsalem plans to open every day from 11 a.m. to 10 p.m., and he’s happy to take call-in orders. They’ve just signed up with GrubHub and Food Pedaler for those too lazy to come on down. And the good news is that the shawarma remains just as tasty even after you’ve nuked it in the microwave. The marinade on this meat is simply incredible; you’d have to work pretty hard to mess it up. n
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ing a new coffee experience to St. Louis. We want to evoke that European café culture. We have lots of amazing coffee shops, but we want to be a gathering place for people from business meetings to catch-ups with friends. It’s more than just grabbing a cup of coffee in a rush on the way to work. We want to become a part of the community in a real way at the start of the day. Who’s the one person to watch right now in the St. Louis food and drink scene? In coffee, it is Tiffany Green. She is at Blueprint and is the most talented and hard-working coffee professional that I have ever met. What coffee drink is most representative of your personality? Probably cold brew. If you weren’t working in the restaurant business, what would you be doing? Playing music or working in the music industry. I only started working in coffee because it was a job that I could have and still go on the road and play shows a lot, but it ended up being my passion. I don’t get to play music as often as I’d like anymore. Name an ingredient never allowed behind your coffee bar. There are a lot of ingredients that I’d prefer to never carry, like half and half, but the real answer is bad water. So much energy, talent and work go into making great specialty coffee, and it can all be ruined if a café or even someone at home is not taking the utmost care of their water. After an espresso machine, the most important purchase is an a esome ater filtration system. What is your after-work hangout? I’d go to Planters House every night if I could, but I love Retreat for an after-work drink as well. The Gramophone has saved the day with a late-night sandwich more than once. What’s your food or beverage guilty pleasure? I have far too many, but on any tough day, a trip to Lion’s Choice is a must. What would be your last meal on earth? I’d head overseas to experience Noma or Faviken. I dream about those restaurants daily. n
[FIRST LOOK]
FOR SIDE PROJECT, A NEW WEEKEND-ONLY TASTING ROOM Written by
CHERYL BAEHR
F
rigid weather and ice-covered streets did little to stop the area’s beer enthusiasts from descending upon Maplewood on December 18 to check out the brand-new brewery tasting room from Side Project Brewing (7458 Manchester Road, Maplewood). The robust response to the opening came as no surprise. Since founding Side Project in 2013 with his wife Karen, owner and brewer Corey King has developed a reputation for producing some of the region’s — if not the country’s — best barrel-aged beers. With the opening of the 2,500-square-foot brewery three months ago, King was able to enhance his production capacity; now the large tasting room makes it possible for his loyal followers to enjoy those brews overlooking the place where the magic happens. “I’d been brewing all of my beers at Perennial where I used to work, but it came to a point where I wanted to make more beer than I had the space for there,” King explains. “I started looking for a barrel warehouse, and this building came on our radar. It had the back warehouse part, but the front was retail — a great space for a tasting room. The stars aligned and now we have a brewery.” Located in the old St. Louis Closet Company space, the brewery and its now-open tasting room have
Side Project’s knowledgable staff take the time to educate guests on the brewery’s offerings, even on a busy day. | CHERYL BAEHR
“It’s meant to be a slow-paced atmosphere where you can sit down, talk and enjoy your beer.” eleven taps dedicated to Side Project’s beers. Guests can mingle at the bar or take a seat at the communal style tables that dot the open floor plan. A secondary room, simply appointed with barrels that double as tables, looks over the beer tanks, giving guests a front-row seat to Side Project’s inner sanctum.
However, patrons were not simply looking for a glimpse of the new digs. In addition to the grand opening, that chilly Sunday saw the release of Side Project’s allocated Foedre Fermier, a limited expression of the brewery’s Saison du Fermier that has been fermented and aged in a medium toast Missouri oak folder (large barrel) with local microflora. “When we do releases, they tend to draw a large crowd, and we just couldn’t manage that large of a group at the [Side Project] Cellar,” says King. “For the brewery, we just needed a bigger space.” The new brewery and tasting room are seen as compliments to the Side Project Cellar, which opened under Karen King’s direction in 2014 and was a semi-finalist for the 2015 James Beard award for Outstanding Bar Program. “It’s just a great drinking establishment,” Corey King says. “It’s meant to be a
slow-paced atmosphere where you can sit down, talk and enjoy your beer.” In addition to the Side Project beers that King will be brewing at the new facility, he has also launched a new label called Shared, which is meant to facilitate the creative spirit amongst the staff, which he feels can get lost at other breweries. “Shared is a collective label. We’ll be sharing ideas, recipes, revenue,” King explains. “The main reason we are doing this is that brewers get into brewing because they want to experiment and write recipes. At breweries, though, you find yourself just pushing buttons. There’s only so far you can go when you aren’t the one making the decisions, and this project is meant to facilitate that. We are encouraging everyone who works with us to write recipes, come up with names and branding ideas and really share in the brewing experience.” King points to his brother-in-law, Brian Iverson, a former brewer for Goose Island who has plans for one day opening his own brewery. “When Brian develops a recipe, it will be his, and when he goes on to do his own thing, he will take it with him. This allows him to work on it while he is with us, though, so he doesn’t feel like he has to sit on it and wait until he’s out on his own.” King also adds that the Shared label is a way for him to be more creative as well. “I started Side Project because I wanted to make experimental beers,” he adds. “And when you make them and then they do well, people want you to make them again and again — and then they are no longer experimental. This gives me another outlet.” Side Project Brewing’s tasting room will be open every Saturday and Sunday from noon to 7 p.m., though it will close New Year’s n Day.
Authentic Hong Kong Style Cuisine
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8116 olive blvd. • (314) 567-9997 • wontonkingstl.com • wifi available riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
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®
WEDNESDAY 12/28
SATURDAY 12/31
FRIDAY 1/6
SATURDAY 1/7
FRIDAY 1/13
SUNDAY 1/15
MONDAY 1/16
THURSDAY 1/19
FRIDAY 1/20
FRIDAY 1/27
SATURDAY 1/28
WEDNESDAY 2/1
UPCOMING SHOWS 2.3 FALLING IN REVERSE, ISSUES, MOTIONLESS IN WHITE
3.18 SON VOLT
2.7 TESLA
3.23 SOUTHERN SOUL ASSEMBLY
2.15 ADAM DEVINE 3.1 ST. PAUL & THE BROKEN BONES
3.27 BRING ME THE HORIZON 4.1 DARK STAR ORCHESTRA 4.19 & 4.20 JAY & SILENT BOB GET OLD
3.5 CIRCA SURVIVE 3.8 HAYES GRIER & THE BOYS
4.23 FLAMING LIPS 5.1 ANTHRAX, KILLSWITCH ENGAGE
3.15 EXCISION
5.3 TREY ANASTASIO
3.17 BLUE OCTOBER
5.13 BIANCA DEL RIO
visit us online for complete show information facebook.com/ThePageantSTL
@ThePageantSTL
thepageantstl.tumblr.com
thepageant.com // 6161 delmar blvd. / St. Louis, MO 63112 // 314.726.6161
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DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
riverfronttimes.com
MUSIC
35
[LIST]
The 10 Best St. Louis Releases of 2016 Local musicians brought their A-game this year. Here are our ten favorite albums Written by
CHRISTIAN SCHAEFFER
I
n the ten years the Riverfront Times has been running the Homespun column, we’ve reviewed more than 500 local releases from all corners of the city, representing untold movements, scenes and styles. In the past year, we began mixing in artist interviews alongside critical analysis, but the goal of the column remains the same: to tell the story of St. Louis music through the songs of its citizens. This alphabetical list represents the ten best local releases we reviewed this year — even this thin of a slice represents our town’s vibrant and evolving hip-hop, folk, soul, metal, Americana, pop and rock communities. ADULT FUR µ Adult Fur’s Ryan McNeely first caught our ear as a producer and beatmaker, but he stepped forward as a vocalist on µ — though he’s still somewhat dependent on guest vocalists and rappers to front many of these songs. Tef Poe, Sixela Yoccm and Damon Davis all contribute to individual tracks, which, when taken together, outline a story with a grim outlook on human advancement. The arc of the album is too knotty to explain fully in this space, but McNeely says that the opening title track “is basically about the world is coming to an end and everyone
Hip-hop duo Domino Effect tackles “real things” on Satellites, says member Cue (right, with Steve N. Clair). | PRESS PHOTO VIA BANDCAMP trying to jumpstart the next phase of human evolution.” What’s more immediately engaging is McNeely’s cinematic approach to his songs, which have a more lush and grandiose quality this time around. His synth-scapes owe a little to Vangelis in their resonant, wiggly warmth, and his beats range from punchy to minimal. AMERICAN WRESTLERS Goodbye Terrible Youth The past eighteen months have seen an accelerated maturation process for American Wrestlers: the project has has evolved from Scotland native Gary McClure’s one-man work to a full-fledged foursome capable of translating his initial home recordings into nervy, muscular songs that can bristle with fuzz or peel back to reveal tender, tuneful centers. On its sophomore release, Goodbye Terrible Youth, the band has amplified the forcefulness of its grunge-era antecedents while narrowing in on an effervescent lightness that highlights McClure’s high tenor voice. ote hatcher, the album’s first and most blistering track, carries with it the long view of history. “So
much of the world never changes; it just repeats itself,” says McClure. “So really the song is about her being dead and not being dead, and the things that happened during her reign are happening again.” KEVIN BOWERS Nova Kevin Bowers, whose skill as a drummer has placed him behind the kit in a number of rock, jazz and blues outfits around town, has made a marvel of a record with Nova, pulling from a yearslong fascination with Brazilian music ranging from gentle bossa nova to psych-friendly tropicalia to blistering batacuda. To achieve this, Bowers — a multi-instrumentalist who teaches lessons on guitar, piano and bass as well as drums — called on bandmates from his many projects. While he has sung on records before, this time Bowers wrote for other vocalists (including immy riffin and aige rubec , casting them as characters in an imaginary road movie. “I had this vision: What if this was a movie?” Bowers says. “What if this was Fred Astaire and Lena Horne trotting around Spain or Brazil, and
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Fellini was directing it? I wanna make the soundtrack to that.” DOMINO EFFECT Satellites While much of the production on hip-hop duo the Domino Effect’s eight-song Satellites leans toward silky retro jams, Cue and Steve N. Clair’s verses are rooted in the here and now. Some of the tracks on the group’s 2015 album, Unknown, were in direct response to Michael Brown’s killing and the subsequent unrest in Ferguson, and those issues and others are also present on Satellites. “We talk about real things,” says Cue. “We talk about things that are relatable; we always give you that subject matter.” The clearest message comes through the track “Chainge,” which uses a ballad tempo and uncluttered, piano-led production to make its bones. “From our perspective, there ain’t nothing new under the sun,” explains Clair of the song, which traces a line from slavery through the present day. “We spelled it like ‘chains’ for a reason. It’s kind of like a reaction toward all the police brutality and things like that.”
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
Continued on pg 36
RIVERFRONT TIMES
35
THE HAUNT 5000 Alaska Ave
NEW YEARS EVE Karaoke at 9pm Champaign Toast
JANUARY EVENTS JAN 13TH BUS RUN SCAVENGER HUNT JAN 14TH THE LINDBERGH BABIES CD RELEASE PARTY JAN 21ST THE PUNKNECKS JESSE & THE HOGG BROS Happy Hour 3-7 Every Day $2 domestic & Rails
10 BEST ALBUM RELEASES Continued from pg 35 THE GORGE Thousand Year Fire An overriding tension throbs in the heart of the Gorge’s latest album, Thousand Year Fire, and there’s a fertile patch of dissonance that the progressive metal quartet mines and refines throughout the . he dichotomy between precise control and utter abandon guides many of these tracks: The Gorge’s music has some of the earmarks of traditional metal, but its deployment of its arsenal is often as metered and measured as any math-roc outfit. For singer, songwriter and guitarist Phil Ring, the new album gives him space to define his role in the group. “I’ve always viewed it as an outlet for aggression, for me personally,” Ring says of his singing. “But it’s always been a cathartic experience to play a song or play a show. Performance-wise, I’m trying to leave it all out there and get that aggression out that builds throughout the day.” JACK GRELLE Got Dressed Up to Be Let Down For his latest full-length, Got Dressed Up to Be Let Down, southside resident Jack Grelle and his band employs their brand of ad-hoc twang and ragged country tropes, but a sense of activism shines through in places. or relle, ho first cut his teeth in socially aware punk bands as an undergrad in Columbia, Missouri, the marriage of country and politics isn’t so foreign. “I think in all my songs I try to be genuine to a degree, and have some form of truth, whichever way I might spin it,” Grelle says. “With this one, I think a little more of my ideals came through, as far as politically and socially, and being a little more conscious as a songwriter.” ROLAND JOHNSON Imagine This For the entirety of the 68-yearold performer’s career, soul and R&B singer Roland Johnson has been singing other people’s songs. There’s not an ounce of shame in that, but his new CD, Imagine This, marks a milestone in his long career. Working with songwriters and musicians Paul Niehaus IV and Kevin O’Connor, Johnson recorded and co-wrote ten original tracks. Thanks to his spirited performance and the producers’ deft touch, the album is a warm, rich and personal document, a high-water
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DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
American Wrestlers has become a foursome, to great success. | PHOTO BY NATHAN PARKER mark for St. Louis soul in 2016. “I just want to tell a story, man,” Johnson says. “The way I came up, you just told the story just how it was. People wanted to hear the truth. I try to stay in that feel.” THE LEONAS Forbidden Fruit On Forbidden Fruit, acoustic folk duo the Leonas recast the Biblical story of the fall of man by focusing on Eve, the woman often relegated to the sidelines. “The reason that we were so attracted to the creation story is because of how minimal a role Eve plays in the story and how her character is demonized,” says violinist and vocalist Sarah Vie, who helms the band along with singer and guitarist Steph Plant. “I wanted to see Eve as a more dominant character. I wanted to see her actualize herself. I wanted to see the fruit as a different meaning.” Several songs speak to the intersection of religious faith and feminine identity; the second track, “Girl,” is a fitting follo -up to the opener, as the titular “girl” is given a litany of instructions from a force that purports to protect her but instead limits her access to her sexuality, freedom and identity. On this album, those concepts of feminine identity are central to the Leonas’ message. MIDDLE CLASS FASHION iii With iii, Middle Class Fashion continues its embrace of danceable, darkly tinted pop songs. On songs like “Runway” and “Schoolboy,” the quartet amps up the BPM and turns out slinky and pulsating pop tracks; these songs seem to summon questions of gender, sexuality and identity, topics that singer and pianist
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Jenn Malzone’s beguilingly opaque style has touched on over the years, but rarely this directly. “We’ve really made a conscious decision to embrace that a bit more as a band,” Malzone says, referencing what she calls the group’s “gender-bending” image. “I always would avoid it because I like to keep my personal life pretty private on social media and stuff, and figure it doesn’t really matter in a pop song. It’s made me really happy — even with our image, changing up our style and trying to make sure that everything we do feels really comfortable and genuine and honest.” PRAIRIE REHAB Conformateur As the singer and songwriter at the center of the gentle Americana quartet Prairie Rehab, Lacie Williams has a habit of using an Oxford English Dictionary-sized vocabulary to populate her tracks. For Conformateur, Williams crafts her lyrics with the same poetic precision, but the content strikes closer to the heart. Over eight songs, Williams explores the pain, uncertainty and joy in leaving one romantic relationship for another. It’s a path that Williams knows well — she and her bandmate, guitarist and pedal steel player Scott Swartz, turned their musical relationship into a romantic one. The pair was married in 2014. “Initially we wrote Conformateur as a way of purging these emotions, and facing them and confronting them and saying, ‘There’s nothing we can do about them, so we’re going to write songs about them and work it out of our systems,’” says Williams. “Obviously it didn’t work very well.” n
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DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
37
38
OUT EVERY NIGHT
THURSDAY 29
[CRITIC’S PICK]
BRUISER QUEEN: w/ Brother Lee & The Leather Jackals, Dan Potthast of MU330 8 p.m., $10. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314726-6161. BRUXISM #24: w/ Temporal Marauder, Paper Kite, oseph
ess
p.m., free. chla y ap
Room, 2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-2337. BUD SUMMERS: 6 p.m., free. Howard’s in Soulard, 2732 S 13th St, St. Louis, 314-349-2850. EL MONSTERO: THE DEFINITIVE PINK FLOYD EXPERIENCE: 8 p.m.; Dec. 30, 8 p.m., $27.50$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. THE FADE: 7 p.m., free. Halo Bar, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-1414. THE FADE: 11:45 p.m., free. Halo Bar, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-1414. p.m.,
HILLARY FITZ BAND: Oyster ar,
. road ay
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
621-8811. JUSTIN HOSKINS CELEBRATION: 8 p.m., $20. BB’s a
, lues
oups,
. road ay, t. ouis,
314-436-5222. leepy Rubies
SALISBURY: road ay,
p.m.,
. Off
emp ve., t. ouis,
-
-
3363. p.m.,
STEVEN WOOLLEY: ar,
. road ay Oyster
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
-
.
St. Louis acts will pay tribute to the late Leonard Cohen this Friday. | PRESS PHOTO VIA OFFICIAL WEBSITE
FRIDAY 30 BLANK:
p.m.,
-
.
y
A Tribute to Leonard Cohen
usic ounge,
8 p.m. Friday, December 30.
Kehrs Mill Road, Ballwin, 636-527-6909. p.m., free.
DAVE BENNETT BAND:
Roadhouse and Kitchen, ebster roves,
-
y
Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Avenue. $10. 314-773-3363.
Old Orchard ve, -
.
THE DUST COVERS: 6 p.m., free. Howard’s in Soulard, 2732 S 13th St, St. Louis, 314-349-2850. EL MONSTERO: THE DEFINITIVE PINK FLOYD EXPERIENCE: Dec. 29, 8 p.m.; 8 p.m., $27.50$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. GYPSYLION: w/ Freethinker, Brainwaves, The ublic
p.m.,
Room,
. lueberry
ill - he Duc
Delmar lvd., niversity ity,
ubar, p.m.,
JEFF DUNHAM:
rena ar
.
-
.
ay, t harles,
ocust t, t. ouis,
ed, One ess heerleader
. road ay, t. ouis,
314-436-5222. oups,
p.m.,
-
. ubar,
3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.
SATURDAY 31
LEROY JODIE PIERSON: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, lues
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
EL MONSTERO: 8 p.m., $125. The Pageant, 6161
436-5222.
Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.
PHAT BUDDHA HOLIDAY BALL: w/ Marc L,
GREEN MCDONOUGH BLUES BAND: 7 p.m., $20.
LoopRat, Oak Steel Lightning, Tree One Four 8 p.m.,
. he ootleg,
anchester ve., t.
Louis, 314-775-0775. POKEY LAFARGE:
’s a
, lues
oups,
. road ay, t.
Louis, 314-436-5222. JAKE’S LEG NEW YEAR’S EVE CELEBRATION: 9
ac
relle
p.m. Dec.
p.m., $15-$20. Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St.,
31, 9 p.m., $30-$35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar
St. Louis, 314-588-0505.
Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.
KID ROCK:
ROGER’S ROCKIN’ BIRTHDAY BASH: w/ close2zero, eorge it , Dirty ombshell
38
.
ltraman, lightly ess nfect-
SPACE CASH: oups,
-
House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.
-
KILBORN ALLEY BLUES BAND: 10 p.m., $10. BB’s , lues
-
RIVERFRONT TIMES
p.m.,
.
[CRITIC’S PICK]
ROGERS & NIENHAUS: 9 p.m., $17-$25. Old Rock
. amily
896-4200. a
— Roy Kasten
-
727-4444. rena,
Barring some excavation of the Columbia Records vaults, Leonard Cohen’s tower of song is complete. His material — sex, God, mortality and the secret life where every man and woman tries to make sense of it all — isn’t stuff for timid interpreters. A Cohen song requires a steady heart and, as the bard once sang, a voice as focused as the light that slips through the crack in everything. His rakish and wise couplets have inspired five generations
of songwriters and song lovers, even those who may only know “Hallelujah.” At the close of this despairing dumpster fire of a year, it’s heartening to know that a cohort of St. Louis musicians, from veteran Americana band Prairie Rehab to newcomers Andrew Ryan and the Travelers, will give their all to a songwriter whose like we won’t see again. Rats and People and More: Impressive singer Emily Wallace, as well as Brother Father, backed by the redoubtable Rats and People collective, fill out the all-local lineup.
lar
p.m.,
ve., t. ouis,
. cottrade enter, -
-
.
Continued on pg 40
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
Bruxism 24 9 p.m. Thursday, December 29. The Schlafly Tap Room, 2100 Locust Street. Free. 314-241-2337.
In addition to running the Close/Far Recordings tape label and performing noisescapes as NNN Cook, Nathan Cook has long helmed the Bruxism series of concerts. These monthly shows put a handful of experimental artists together, and after stints at the old Apop Records and Foam Coffee & Beer, the series has found a home at
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the Tap Room. This month’s set features the return of one of synthesist Joe Raglani’s alter-egos, the krautrock-leaning Temporal Marauder, alongside long-time Riverfront Times contributor Joe Hess and Paper Kite. Birthday Party: December marks the 24th iteration of Bruxism — that’s two years’ and about 80 artists’ worth of shows. Go wish Cook and his creation a happy second birthday. — Christian Schaeffer
NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY LOCAL
NEW YEARS EVE SPECIALS AVAILABLE
GARY GULMAN | DEC 29-31 “comedy central presents...”
WORLD FAMOUS COMEDIANS
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“KEVIN POLLAK’S CHAT SHOW” JAN 12-14
MTV’S “GIRL CODE” JAN 19-21
DAN SODER
JIMMY PARDO
LUENELL
SIRIUSXM’S “THE BONFIRE” FEB 9-11
“CONAN” + “NEVER NOT FUNNY” FEB 16-18
“THINK LIKE A MAN” FEB 23-26
1151 ST LOUIS GALLERIA ST g ST LOUIS MO 3 1 4 7 2 7 1 2 6 0 g H E L I U M C O M E DY. C O M riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
39
OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 38 LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: 10:30 p.m., $20. BB’s a
Get in The Grove for exciting Drinking, Dining, Dancing, & Shopping!
, lues
oups,
. road ay, t. ouis,
314-436-5222. MARK KLOSE’S “CLASSIC” ROCKIN’ NEW YEAR’S EVE:
p.m.,
. he Ready Room,
chester ve, t. ouis,
-
p.m.,
MURDER BY DEATH:
.
. Off road ay,
emp ve., t. ouis,
-
orey
NYE COMEDY JAM:
an-
-
.
olcomb,
nthony
ro n, ony Roc , Domini ue, Red rant, ony Roberts
p.m.,
-
. haifet
. ompton ve., t. ouis, ac
POKEY LAFARGE:
-
rena,
-
.
relle Dec.
,
p.m.
9 p.m., $30-$35. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161. econd o ll, scape heory
SLUSHWAVE: p.m.,
-
. ubar,
ocust t, t. ouis,
314-289-9050. p.m.,
SUPERJAM:
WIN FREE STUFF Film Passes, Concert Tickets, Local events, Music/movies, Restaurant gift cards, and much, much more!!! enter to win at: Riverfronttimes.com/ promotions/freestuff/
Duc Room,
-
. lueberry
ill - he
Delmar lvd., niversity ity,
314-727-4444.
SUNDAY 1 OLD SCHOOL HIP HOP FESTIVAL: w/ Scarface, ig Daddy Kane, uvenile, Daddy, Doug cstasy of rena,
all
, ric
resh, lic Ric , hodini
p.m.,
ysti al, alil -
. haifet
. ompton ve., t. ouis,
-
-
5000. ide
SHAPIST: ilence
p.m.,
a e, olterguts, n
-
. ubar,
y
ocust t, t.
Louis, 314-289-9050.
MONDAY 2 p.m.,
BOTTOMS UP BLUES GANG:
DRINK LOCAL AT
Oyster ar,
. road ay
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
621-8811. p.m.,
HONEYWISE:
. vangeline’s,
uclid ve, t. ouis, SOULARD BLUES BAND: Oyster ar,
-
-
p.m.,
. . road ay
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
621-8811.
TUESDAY 3 p.m.,
BOX OF NERVES:
uclid ve, t. ouis,
. vangeline’s, -
-
it ,
Half price drafts on Boulevard Brewing, Broadway Brewery and Civil Life until January 1!
.
tal K,
JAMAICA LIVE TUESDAYS:
r. Roots, D
. lmo’s ove ounge,
lvd, niversity ity,
-
-
Olive .
MOONSHINE RHYTHM CLUB: 8 p.m., free. andle ar,
anchester ve., t. ouis,
314-652-2212.
WEDNESDAY 4 THE BAD PLUS: 7:30 & 9:30 p.m., $36.50. Jazz t the istro,
. rand lvd., t. ouis,
314-534-3663. BOB “BUMBLE BEE” KAMOSKE: 8 p.m. Beale on road ay,
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
-
7880. p.m., free.
ERIC LYSAGHT:
eyer ve., t. ouis, p.m.,
JEREMY JOYCE:
R E STAU R AN T S 2016
WINNER
40
RIVERFRONT TIMES
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
riverfronttimes.com
4317 Manchester Rd in the Grove 314.553.9252 laylastl.com
uclid ve, t. ouis, LAZY EAR: one the
ot iser
uite p.m.,
olly’s in oulard, -
-
.
. vangeline’s, -
-
.
othing, nion rove, . oam offee
eer,
Continued on pg 4
2016-17season
WE BLEED
BLUE
coming soon to
jazz at the bistro
The Bad Plus
Jan 4-7
Sponsored by Beck/Allen Cabinetry
2001 Menard in Soulard Facebook: .me/dukesinsoulard
Jazz St. Louis All-Stars Alumni Quintet Jan 11-12 Sponsored by American Family Insurance – Ted Wheeler Agency, Inc.
Regina Carter: Simply Ella
WINTER CLASSIC PARTY MONDAY, JAN. 2
PRIZES, GAMES, FOOD & DRINK SPECIALS
Jan 18-21 Terell Stafford
Rodney Whitaker
Steve Fidyk
NHL ALUMNI GAME SATURDAY, DEC. 31
Andre Hayward
Jazz at Lincoln Center Group Jan 13-14
Co-sponsored by Jon & Barbara Topp and Don & Debbie Jacobs
Branford Marsalis Quartet with special guest Kurt Elling
1818 Sidney St. in Soulard/B enton P ark Facebook: truemansinsoulard
Jan 24-25 Exclusively Sponsored by World Wide Technology, Inc. and the Steward Family Foundation
concerts | dinner | drinks full concert listing and info:
jazzstl.org | 314.571.6000 the harold & dorothy steward center for jazz 3536 washington ave. | st. louis, mo 63103
200N . Main St., D up o, IL Facebook: g oodtimessp ortsbar
Presenting Sponsor of the 2016-17 Jazz at the Bistro Season
riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
41
OUT EVERY NIGHT Continued from pg 40
[CRITIC’S PICK]
thu. dec. 29 9PM Hilary Fitz Band
fri. dec. 30 10PM NGK Band
NYE Celebration 10PM
Funky Butt Brass Band
Champagne Toast and Party Favors at Midnight! Dinner Reservations Available at 314-621-8811 Mon-Fri. 9AM to 4PM
January 1, 2017
Open at 5 for Dinner January 2, 2017
Winter Classic Open at 9AM Before the Game 736 S Broadway St. Louis, MO 63102
(314) 621-8811
Kid Rock. | PRESS PHOTO VIA WARNER BROS RECORDS
Kid Rock 9 p.m. Saturday, December 31. Scottrade Center, 1401 Clark Avenue. $17 to $146. 314-241-1888.
“St. Louis pioneers of craft beer and live music” THURSDAY, DECEMBER 29 TH
FRESH Holiday Jam hosted by So’n’So and DJ Smitty - Hip Hop - 9pm - $5
FRIDAY, DECEMBER 30 TH
Instajamm featuring - A-Game, Bo Dean, MBZ, De@n, HLC, and more - Hip Hop - 8pm - $10
SATURDAY, DECEMBER 31ST IN THE BAR AREA
Geeks Who Drink Pub Trivia - Trivia - 8:30pm - FREE
To be clear, we are not trying to make the case that Kid Rock plays good music. That would be downright irresponsible. But a Kid Rock New Year’s Eve celebration right here in our fair town is sure to offer amusement, and perhaps, even enlightenment. Alongside Motor City Madman Ted Nugent, Rock is one of the only wellknown musicians in the entire country that has expressed a willingness to perform at Donald Trump’s January inauguration ceremony (presumably efferson ve., t. ouis,
Geeks Who Drink Pub Trivia - Trivia - 8:30pm - FREE
1/6 Jake’s Leg & Pebble 1/7 Pepperland-A Beatles Revue 1/12 Vespersteen 1/20 Chris Scott, Matt Jordan, Joshua Stanley
In the University City Loop
314.862.0009 • www.ciceros-stl.com RIVERFRONT TIMES
-
t. ouis,
.
,
efferson ve., t. ouis,
-
-
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
, bbs a
-
Jan. 7, 10 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, emp ve., t. ouis,
-
. road ay, t. ouis,
t the istro,
bbs a
-
-
,
bluessoups.com.
BRIAN CURRAN: Sat., Jan. 7, 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, . rand lvd.,
St. Louis, 314-534-3663, jazzstl.org/jazz-at-the-
riverfronttimes.com
-
BOO BOO DAVIS & THE BUMBLE BEE TRIO: Sat.,
,
, offbroad aystl.com. . a
-
bluessoups.com.
THE AMY BLACK BAND: Sat., Jan. 21, 7 p.m., $15.
.
-
, thereadyroom.com.
road ay, t. ouis,
eer,
foamvenue.com.
-
-
p.m.,
9:30 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S.
p.m., free. oam offee
Off road ay,
-
,
anchester ve,
BOB “BUMBLE BEE” KAMOSKE: Tue., Jan. 10,
Ric y Rambo, reeKev, . amuel,
ri., an.
BARBERSHOP BATTLE: at., eb. . he Ready Room,
estport la a, -
— Daniel Hill
bistro.
.
THE BAD PLUS: Wed., Jan. 4, 7:30 & 9:30 p.m.,
6691 Delmar
42
-
THIS JUST IN AKEDA:
UPCOMING SHOWS
eights,
-
. unny one omedy
lub- estport la a, aryland
WEDNESDAY, JANUARY 4TH IN THE BAR AREA
p.m.,
TOM DUSTIN:
because Detroit is a strange place that produces equally strange celebrities). Given Trump’s habit of rewarding loyalty over competence, it seems very likely that Mr. Bawitdaba will soon find himself with a spot to fill in the incoming president’s cabinet, becoming the first such appointee with a history of only wearing a shirt roughly half of his life. If you aim to understand Trump’s America in the days to come, this show will offer invaluable insight. Cowboy, Baby: Tim Montana and the Shrednecks, “country music’s renegade band,” will open the show. Your call if you want to deal with all that.
lues
oups,
-
, bbs a
. road ay, t. ouis,
-
bluessoups.com.
Continued on pg 44
riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
43
THIS JUST IN
THIS W
Continued from pg 4
THE BAD PL aystl.com.
BUG CHASER: Thu., Jan. 12, 9 p.m., free. Off road ay,
emp ve., t. ouis,
-
, offbroad aystl.com. CLASS CLOWNS BAND: Fri., Jan. 13, 9 p.m., free. he rchive
usic
ouse and outhern rill,
-
. Old
bistro.
BLANK: ri
MINESWEEPA: Thu., Jan. 26, 8 p.m., $15-$20. The
Lounge, 93
-
-
anchester ve, t. ouis,
BOB “BUM
MOM’S KITCHEN (A TRIBUTE TO WIDESPREAD PANIC): ri., eb.
-
eb.
,
olt ord, D
a.m.,
. ocial
p.m.,
. Delmar
p.m. eale
all,
ouis,
ig Daddy Kane, uvenile, Daddy, Doug
ueen, he
. road
OLD SCHOOL HIP HOP FESTIVAL: W/ Scarface,
housesoulard.com. ruiser
BOTTOMS U
delmarhall.com.
oo all, at.,
ouse oulard,
1551 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-241-3023, socialDIARRHEA PLANET:
,
6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161,
, offbroad aystl.com.
COUNTRY GRAS:
, s ym
, thereadyroom.com.
Off road ay,
emp ve., t. ouis,
. a
St. Louis, 3
0505, oldrockhouse.com.
CODY JOHNSON: Thu., March 9, 8 p.m., $15-$30. -
all
p.m.,
-
line’s,
evangeline
. ompton ve., t.
BRUISER Q
6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161,
Louis, 314-977-5000, thechaifetzarena.com.
Jackals, Da
delmarhall.com.
OTIS GIBBS: Thu., Jan. 5, 8 p.m., $10. Off Broaday,
ETHAN LEINWAND & FRIENDS: Tue., Jan. 10, -
-
, bbs a
p.m., emp ve., t. ouis,
-
-
an. ,
Runa ay ane,
ar
p.m.,
-
-
rena
p.m.,
. lueberry
-
-
-
line’s,
-
.
ed., an. ,
p.m.,
-
,
emp ve., t.
emp ve., t. ouis,
-
-
, offbroad aystl.com.
p.m.,
. he
Jan. 8, 5 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 . road ay, t. ouis,
-
-
, bbs a
-
road ay,
othing, nion rove,
ed., an. ,
p.m.,
. oam
efferson ve., t. ouis,
-
-
. road ay, t.
, bbs a
bluessoups.com.
LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: Sun., Jan. 8, 8:30 p.m., .
’s a
, lues
t. ouis,
-
-
oups, , bbs a
. road ay, bluessoups.
-
ravois ve.,
,
p.m.,
. Off -
-
STEVEN WOOLLEY: Thu., Dec. 29, 6 p.m., $7. -
-
. road ay, t.
, broad ayoysterbar.com.
road ay,
,
p.m.,
-
. Off
emp ve., t. ouis,
-
-
, offbroad aystl.com. ry
p.m.,
-
ill - he Duc Room,
niversity ity,
-
. lueber-
Delmar lvd.,
-
, blueberryhill.
com. a
, lues -
-
oups,
. road ay, t. ouis,
, bbs a
bluessoups.com.
ed., an. ,
TOM DUSTIN:
p.m.,
. unny
one omedy lub- estport la a, port la a,
aryland
eights,
-
est-
,
stlouisfunnybone.com. WOMEN IN BLUES CONCERT: W/ Tomiko Dixon,
com. LUKE WINSLOW KING: hu., an.
.
THIRD SIGHT BAND: Mon., Jan. 9, 8 p.m., $5. BB’s
LEROY JODIE PIERSON: Fri., Jan. 6, 7 p.m., $5. oups,
p.m.,
emp ve., t. ouis,
THEPOUR: at., eb. , uite
314-772-2100, foamvenue.com.
ouis,
,
, theheavyanchor.com.
on., eb.
STEF CHURA:
-
bluessoups.com.
, lues
-
eavy nchor, -
TEMPEST: at., pril
KEITH MOYERS “GENESIS JAZZ PROJECT”: Sun.,
’s a
-
, offbroad aystl.com.
road ay Oyster ar,
iser,
River
emp ve., t. ouis,
ouis,
eer,
p.m., otel,
mbel, ri., eb. ,
0505, oldrockhouse.com.
one the
,
. River ity asino
Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-
offee
,
emp ve., t.
, offbroad aystl.com.
JUNIOR BROWN: Wed., Jan. 18, 8 p.m., $25. Old
ot
p.m.,
emp ve., t. ouis,
. Off road ay,
ric Roscoe
, offbroad aystl.com.
LAZY EAR:
ocust t,
, offbroad aystl.com.
t. ouis,
, offbroad aystl.com.
Off road ay,
-
, fubarstl.com. ,
,
p.m.,
emp ve., t. ouis,
riverfronttimes.com
Rum Drum Ramblers, . Off road ay, -
-
, offbroad-
nne .
arris, Kate ’s a , lues
t. ouis,
-
-
oss, ri., an. , oups,
chla y a -
BUD SUMM
SHARK DAD: W/ The Ottomen, Sat., Jan. 14, 8
emphis, at., eb. ,
JONATHAN RICHMAN: Fri., March 3, 8 p.m., $15. -
. ubar,
-
Off road ay,
p.m., free. Off road ay, -
Kite, Josep
ain t., d-
SARAH BORGES AND THE BROKEN SINGLES: W/
. vange-
JOHN HENRY VIDEO RELEASE PARTY: W/ Brothers
-
,
ildeytheatre.com.
ity asino lvd., t. ouis,
,
evangelinesstl.com.
ouis,
.
reg ilsby, ri., eb.
-
p.m., $10.
Louis, 314
rivercity.com.
uclid ve, t. ouis,
a aroff, etter to
,
-
-
-
ouis,
offbroad aystl.com. JEREMY JOYCE:
-
RONNIE MILSAP: at., eb.
, blueberryhill.com.
emp ve., t. ouis,
p.m.,
p.m.,
ill
IKE REILLY: Tue., Jan. 17, 8 p.m., $12. Off Broaday,
,
un., eb.
ROBERT ELLIS AND JENNY O: ue., eb.
- The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University ity,
p.m.
. Off road ay,
GYPSYLION: W/ Freethinker, Brainwaves, The ,
-
RIVERBEND:
, familyare-
na.com. ublic, ri., Dec.
,
ildey heatre,
t. ouis,
ed.,
. amily rena,
ay, t harles,
-
y Da ly uy, astside a y, at.,
RALLO:
, offbroad aystl.com. GRANGER SMITH:
.
ardsville,
FALLING FENCES: Fri., Jan. 27, 8 p.m., $10. Off road ay,
-
BRUXISM #
PAT BOONE: at., eb.
-
bluessoups.com.
eb. ,
emp ve., t. ouis,
offbroad aystl.com.
7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. road ay, t. ouis,
rena,
BOX OF NE
ysti al, alil
hodini, un., an. ,
. haifet
ouis,
, ric
resh, lic Ric ,
cstasy of
il-
derness, Sat., Jan. 14, 8 p.m., free. Delmar Hall,
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
p.m.,
Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-
house.com.
RIVERFRONT TIMES
,
Ready Room,
afayette ve, t. ouis, archivemusic-
44
.
MADAILA: hu., eb.
-
p.m.,
. road ay,
, bbs a bluessoups.com.
SAVAGE LOVE REVOLUTION HALL
up for showing your partner what proper topping looks like.
BY DAN SAVAGE
My partner/husband of 40 years says I still embarrass him. Is this unusual? If he says it affectionately and occasionally, it’s not a problem and it’s not unusual. If he says it to degrade/ humiliate/control you, it’s a problem and it’s unacceptable.
Earlier this month, we recorded our Savage Lovecast Christmas Spectacular live at Revolution Hall in Portland, Oregon. The audience submitted questions on tiny cards before the show, which allowed questioners to remain anonymous and forced them to be succinct. More questions were submitted than my guests and I could get to, so I promised the crowd I would answer as many of their unanswered questions as I could in this week’s column. Here we go… I’ve heard so many horror stories and seen countless X-rays online — any tips for making sure I don’t lose any objects in my ass? You know what you never see in those X-rays? Butt plugs and other toys designed for butt play. Stick to butt plugs ith ared bases, dildos with bases that look like balls, orange traffic cones, etc., and you’ll be fine. How do I get my partner — who says he’s into it — to top me “properly,” i.e., work me into a sub space instead of him just melting into an ooey-gooey love ball? here are lots of terrific pro doms in Portland, Oregon. Hire one who’s
How do white people talk to black people about Donald Trump? Fifty-eight percent of white people voted for Trump, and eight percent of black people voted for Trump. So yeah, maybe instead of talking to black people about Trump, white people should shut up and listen to black people instead? “Hall passes” don’t work for many women because they can’t orgasm when having random sex once with a random guy. What alternative would you recommend? Where is it written on your hall pass — or anyone else’s — that it can be used only with complete strangers? Nowhere, that’s where. How do you propose a foursome with your longtime friends without freaking them out or ruining the friendship? Not proposing the foursome is the only way to avoid potentially freaking your friends out and ruining the friendship.
How do you decide who wins an argument in a same-sex relationship? A sudden-death round of Golden Girls trivia. All straight guys want to put it in your butt, but when you suggest eating it first, they run for the hills. How can I bridge this gap and get my ass eaten? Date gay guys. How do I avoid lesbian bed death? Date gay guys. If you’re married and in an open relationship, do you need to include that info in your Tinder profile? Or can you wait until later? You should include/disclose that info in your profile best practice , but many similarly situated men choose to ait until later understandable practice, considering the stigma . But the existence of a spouse must be disclosed sometime between the end of the first te t e change and the start of the first blo ob. My wife goes on long runs with her girlfriend. I’m sure they are having sex in the woods. I’m jealous because I’m not getting enough. What should I do? Get your own “running” partner. I’m four months pregnant. My husband won’t stop talking about how excited he is to taste my breast milk.
riverfronttimes.com
45
I said he could try it from a bottle, but he wants it from the source. I want to be GGG, but this weirds me out. Tell your husband you’re going to table this topic for the time being. It’s possible you’ll be less weirded out by the idea once you’re actually breast-feeding, or the opposite is also a possibility. But pestering you about it for the ne t five months isn’t going to increase his chances of getting it from the source — quite the opposite. nd for the record ou can be GGG and still have hard limits/ absolutely nots. I’m a 25-year-old gay man who doesn’t resonate with hookup culture. If I’m not comfortable fucking right away, how can I compete/find a partner? I get your question all the time — which means you’re not alone. Be up front about what you are willing to do fuc after a getting-to- no -you date or t o and hat you are not illing to do fuc after a sup or t o , and you’ll scare off the rongfor-you boys and attract the rightfor-you boys. I’m too broken. I don’t know where to start. Therapy. Listen to Dan’s podcast at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
45
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46
RIVERFRONT TIMES
WHO ARE YOU TRY FOR AFTER DARK? FREE
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
314-932-2561
riverfronttimes.com
R IV E R F R O NT T IME S.CO M
100 Employment 105 Career/Training/Schools THE OCEAN CORP. 10840 Rockley Road, Houston, Texas 77099. Train for a new career. *Underwater Welder. Commercial Diver. *NDT/Weld Inspector. Job Placement Assistance. Financial Aid avail for those who qualify 1.800.321.0298
110 Computer/Technical
Sr Engr, Sftwr Engg @ MasterCard
(O’Fallon, MO) F/T. Build & implmnt new mddlwr cmpnts such as JBoss, WAS, F5 (BIG-IP, Webseal/ISAM, IIS, & Apache). Prfrm syst monitorng, anlysis, & prfrmnce tuning. Reqs Master’s deg or foreign equiv in Comp Sci, or rltd & 2 yrs exp in job offd, as Intrnt Engr, Sftwr Engr, Prgrmmr Anlyst, or rltd posit. Alt, emp will accept Bachelor’s & 6 yrs prog resp exp. Exp must incl: WebSphere 7.x/6.x/5.x; JBoss 5.x/6.x; & Apache HTTP Server 2.x. Emp will accept any suitable combo of edu, training or exp. Mail resume to Ryan Sullivan, 2200 MasterCard Blvd, O’Fallon, MO 63368. Ref MC38-2016. EOE.
120 Drivers/Delivery/Courier
DRIVERS NEEDED ASAP
Requires Class E, B or A License. S Endorsement Helpful. Must be 25 yrs or older. Will Train.
ABC/ Ch e c k e r Ca b Co CALL NOW 314-7 25 -9 5 5 0 167 Restaurants/Hotels/Clubs SERVERS, COOKS, DISH For upscale retirement community. Background check & shot records required. 314.863.7400
190 Business Opportunities
800 Health & Wellness 805 Registered Massage
MASSAGE!
4 Sally Drive Maryland Heights $60/hour
314-325 -46 34 A New Intuitive Massage Call Natalie 314.799.2314 www.artformassage.info CMT/LMT 2003026388
A Wo n d e r f u l l y ~ Re l a x i n g ~
In t u i t i v e m a s s a g e b y lic e n s e d th e r a p is t.
314-7 06 -407 6 2002030286
Escape the Stresses of Life with a relaxing
ORIENTAL MASSAGE & REFLEX OLOGY
You’ll Come Away Feeling Refreshed & Rejuvenated.
Ca ll 3 1 4 - 9 7 2 - 9 9 9 8
Health Therapy Massage Relax, Rejuvenate & Refresh!
Fl e x i b l e Ap p o i n t m e n t s
Monday Thru Sunday (Walk-ins welcome) 320 Brooke’s Drive, 63042 Call Cheryl. 314-895-1616 or 314-258-2860 LET#200101083 Now Hiring...Therapists
Si m p l y Ma r v e l o u s
Call Cynthia today for your massage. M-F 7-5, Sat. 9-1. 314-265-9625 - Eureka Area #2001007078
Av o n
Full Time/Part Time, $15 Fee.
Ca l l Ca r l a : 314-6 6 5 -45 85
For Appointment or Details Independent Avon Rep.
167 Restaurants/Hotels/Clubs SERVERS, COOKS, DISH For upscale retirement community. Background check & shot records required. 314.863.7400
810 Health & Wellness General ARE YOU ADDICTED TO PAIN MEDICATIONS OR HEROIN? Suboxone can help. Covered by most insurance. Free & confidential assessments. Outpatient Services. Center Pointe Hospital 314-292-7323 or 800-345-5407 763 S. New Ballas Rd, Ste. 310
815 Mind/Body/Spirit
w w w .w h o g o d i s .c o
500 Services 525 Legal Services
F ile Ba nkr u p tcy N ow ! Ca l l An g e l a J a n s e n 314-6 45 -5 9 00 Ba n k r u p t c y s h o p s t l . c o m The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertising.
530 Misc. Services WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, Co 80201
525 Legal Services
F ile Ba nkr u p tcy N ow ! Ca l l An g e l a J a n s e n 314-6 45 -5 9 00 Ba n k r u p t c y s h o p s t l . c o m The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertising.
530 Misc. Services WANTS TO purchase minerals and other oil & gas interests. Send details to P.O. Box 13557, Denver, Co 80201
400 Buy-Sell-Trade 475 Want/Trade
Historian will pay top $$$ for German/Japanese WWII military relics.
314-249-5369 Historian will pay top $$$ for German/Japanese WWII military relics.
314-249-5369
600 Music 610 Musicians Services
MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30
MUSICIANS AVAILABLE
Do y o u n e e d m u s i c i a n ? A Ba n d ? A St r i n g Qu a r t e t ? Ca l l t h e Mu s i c i a n s As s o c i a t i o n o f St . Lo u i s
(314) 7 81-6 6 12 M-F, 10:00-4:30
314-6 20-6 386
Ls # 2006003746
SOULARD $750 314-724-8842 Spacious 2nd flr 2BR, old world charm, hdwd flrs, yard, frplcs, off st prk, no C/A, nonsmoking bldg, storage.
315 Condos/Townhomes/Duplexes for Rent
nprent@aol.com
CLAYTON-CONDO $1000 Evelyn-636-541-1403 8111 Roxburgh-2 bdrm, 1 bath, garage, hrdwd flrs, washer/ dryer, walking distance to Downtown Clayton, Galleria, The Boulevard (Maggianos-PF Changs), Shaw Park & MetroLink.
SOUTH CITY $400-$850 314-771-4222 Many different units www.stlrr.com 1-3 BR, no credit no problem SOUTH ST. LOUIS CITY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 1, 2 & 3 BR apts for rent. www.eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome
317 Apartments for Rent BENTON-PARK $450 314-402-2271 Fully rehabbed 1BR-1BA. Basement storage, laundry facility, secure door, off street parking. central air. AVAILABLE NOW! BENTON-PARK $775 314-223-8067 Spacious 2 BR, wood fls, efficient electric, furnace/ac. Lots of closet space! 1st fl, porch, ceiling fan, w/d.
SOUTH-CITY $695 314-277-0204 3400 South Spring-1st Floor North-2BR, new eat in kitchen & dining room. Blinds, appliances, C/A, all electric. $40 app fee per adult, becomes key deposit. No rent deposit. Available Now!
$450 314-277-0204 314-966-1003 SOUTH-CITY 3841 Gustine-1st floor North-1BR, hardwood floors, blinds & appliances. Garage $20 extra. Available in Dec 5578 PERSHING 1100 sq ft; Perfect for WashU, Fontbonne OR SLU students. Nurse? Located near several major hospitals, Forest Park ST-JOHN $495-$595 314-443-4478 and Delmar Loop. Some utilities included; Off Street Parking. 8700 Crocus: Near 170 & St.Charles Rock Rd Optional 2 Gated Parking Spaces, $75 remote deposit. Special! 1BR.$495 & 2BR.$595. Application Fee: $50.00 (Lease Description: 18+, satisfactory credit, no prior evictions)
CENTRAL-WEST-END
MOVE IN NOW!
DOWNTOWN Cityside-Apts 314-231-6806 Bring in ad & application fee waived! Gated prkng, onsite laundry. Controlled access bldgs, pool, fitness, business ctr. Pets welcome LAFAYETTE-SQUARE $685 314-968-5035 2030 Lafayette: 2BR/1BA, appls, C/A, Hdwd Fl NORTH-COUNTY
$510
314-521-0388
Newly renovated 1BR apts for SENIOR LIVING. Safe and affordable. FIRST 3 MONTHS FREE! OVERLAND/ST-ANN $535-$575-SPECIAL 314-995-1912 1 MO FREE! 1BR & 2BR SPECIAL! Great location near Hwys 170, 64, 70 & 270. 6 minutes to Clayton. Garage, Clean, safe, quiet. RICHMOND-HEIGHTS $525-$575-SPECIAL 314-995-1912 1 MONTH FREE! 1BR, all elec off Big Bend. Near Metrolink, Hwys 40 & 44, Clayton.
ST. CHARLES COUNTY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 1 & 2 BR apts for rent. www.eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome UNIVERSITY-CITY $795 314-727-1444 2BR, new kitch, bath & carpet, C/A & heat. No pets WESTPORT/LINDBERGH/PAGE $535-$585 314-995-1912 1 MO FREE!-1BR ($535) & 2BR ($585) SPECIALS! Clean, safe, quiet. Patio, laundry, great landlord! Nice Area near Hwys 64, 270, 170, 70 or Clayton.
w w w .Li v e In Th e Gr o v e .c o m 320 Houses for Rent NORTH ST. LOUIS COUNTY 314-579-1201 or 636-939-3808 2, 3 & 4BR homes for rent. eatonproperties.com. Sec. 8 welcome
MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30
MUSICIANS AVAILABLE
Do y o u n e e d m u s i c i a n ? A Ba n d ? A St r i n g Qu a r t e t ? Ca l l t h e Mu s i c i a n s As s o c i a t i o n o f St . Lo u i s
(314) 7 81-6 6 12 M-F, 10:00-4:30
MUSICIANS Do you have a band? We have bookings. Call (314)781-6612 for information Mon-Fri, 10:00-4:30
ULTIMATE MASSAGE b y SUMMER! ! ! !
Relaxing 1 Hour Full Body Massage. Light Touch, Swedish, Deep Tissue. Daily 10am-5pm South County.
SOULARD $450 314-402-2271 Fully rehabbed 1BR-1BA. Basement storage, laundry facility, secure door, off street parking. central air. AVAILABLE NOW!
300 Rentals
BEHAVIORAL HEALTH & ADDICTION TREATMENT FOR Adolescents, Adults and Older Adults
S T N E V E
FOR A CONFIDENTIAL ASSESSMENT AT NO COST, CALL
FIRST 3 MONTHS FREE! AFFORDABLE SENIOR LIVING
1-800-345-5407 Hope for a bright future
Newly Renovated 1 Bedroom Apartments $510 Appliances • Energy Efficient Laundry On-Site
HERITAGE SENIOR APARTMENTS NORTH COUNTY AREA 314-521-0388
R I V E RF RONT T IM ES.C OM 4801 WELDON SPRING PKWY. ST. CHARLES, MO 63304
riverfronttimes.com
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
RIVERFRONT TIMES
47
FIRST 3 MONTHS FREE!
HWY 61 ROADHOUSE NEW YEAR’S EVE PARTY!
AFFORDABLE SENIOR LIVING
R 314-754-5966 DATING MADE EASY... LOCAL SINGLES! Listen & Reply FREE! 314-739-7777 FREE PROMO CODE: 9512 Telemates
Newly renovated 1 bedroom apartments in North County.
Heritage Senior Apartments 314-521-0388
EarthCircleRecycling.com
HISTORIAN WILL PAY TOP $$$ For German/Japanese WWII Military Relics
Call Today! 314-664-1450
314-249-5369
Earth Circle’s mission is to creatively assist businesses and residents with their recycling efforts while providing the friendliest and most reliable service in the area.
TWO SEATINGS 6-8pm & 8pm-12:30am Includes entree, appetizer or cocktail and live music with Paul Bonn & The Bluesmen 8:30pm-12:30am. hwy61roadhouse.com
MOUND CITY SANDWICH SHOP
2906 Market Street • (314) 652-3354 LUNCH MON-FRI 9am-3pm
NAUGHTY OR NICE... We Have The Gifts!
Patricia’s
patriciasgiftshop.com
LIKE US
EVANGELINE’S
NEW YEAR’S EVE ROYALE! The Spy Who Loved Me Package 4 course dinner 7 James Bond Cocktails 6 Craft Drafts Red & White Wine The Midwest Big Band Orchestra
Reservations Required (314) 367-3644
File Bankruptcy Now! Call Angela Jansen ~314-645-5900~ Bankruptcyshopstl.com The choice of a lawyer is an important decision and should not be based solely on advertising.
SCRUBS for less
Tops & Pants $3.99 and up 9261 Halls Ferry Road (314) 338-2828
facebook.com/riverfronttimes
Made You Look!
www.LiveInTheGrove.com
Get the Attention of our 461,000+ Readers
TIS’ THE SEASON TO BE CRAFTY! Stuff Your Stockings With Personalized Holiday Gifts.
Call 314-754-5966 for More Info
HOPE
CenterPointe Hospital provides a full continuum of care for ALCOHOL & SUBSTANCE USE TREATMENT FOR ADULTS DETOXIFICATION, 4-WEEK RESIDENTIAL TREATMENT, OUTPATIENT PROGRAMS, & FAMILY SUPPORT
FOR A BRIGHT
CALL 1-800-345-5407
FUTURE
24-hour Confidential Assessment with Caring and Compassionate Counselors No Cost for the Initial Assessment Most Major Insurances Accepted CenterPointe Hospital 4801 Weldon Spring Parkway St. Charles, MO 63304
CRAFT CENTRAL
WORKWEAR for less
YOUR STORE FOR DICKIES
HUGE Selection of School Uniforms RedKap Work Shirts & Pants 9261 Halls Ferry Road (314) 436-1340
www.whogodis.co
w w w. C e n t e r Po i n t e H o s p i t a l . c o m
AUDIO EXPRESS!
Lowest Installed Price In Town — Every Time!
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LUXURY ONE, TWO AND THREE BEDROOM TOWNHOMES Features include Balconies, Community Courtyard, All new upgraded appliances and designer lighting. Rooftop deck, pet park Roof top pool. Free Parking space one per unit for a limited time. 3 months free electric. ASK ABOUT OUR AMAZING MOVE IN SPECIALS One Story Apartments $950-$1,395 Two Story Apartments $1,225-$2,295
Call 314.241.3800 gallery1014@stlluxury.com Now for your Private Tour www.STLluxury.com 48
RIVERFRONT TIMES
Dual Cameras! Dashcam with swivel cameras. 2” split-screen. Records to microSDHC.
HAPPY HOLIDAYS! Ultimate Massage by
Summer!
SWEDISH & DEEP TISSUE FULL BODY MASSAGE DAILY 10 AM - 5 PM
South County/Lemay Area
Navigation In Mirror!
Save 140 $
ADD REAR CAMERA!
Bright 4.3” image. Add camera for rear view when backing.
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# 2006003746
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Model may vary by location.
Two-Way Alarm 99 And Remote Start!
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299
$
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Starter interrupt and shock sensor. Diesel compatible remote start. One 2-way LCD. Some vehicles require specific interface modules at additional cost.
SOUTH 5616 S. Lindbergh • (314) 842-1242 WEST 14633 Manchester • (636) 527-26811
HAZELWOOD 233 Village Square Cntr • (314) 731-1212 FAIRVIEW HEIGHTS 10900 Lincoln Tr. • (618) 394-9479
Unless otherwise limited, prices are good through Tuesday following publication date. Installed price offers are for product purchased from Audio Express installed in factory-ready locations. Custom work at added cost. Kits, antennas and cables additional. Added charges for shop supplies and environmental disposal where mandated. Illustrations similar. Video pictures may be simulated. Not responsible for typographic errors. Savings off MSRP or our original sales price, may include install savings. Intermediate markdowns may have been taken. Details, conditions and restrictions of manufacturer promotional offers at respective websites. Price match applies to new, non-promotional items from authorized sellers; excludes “shopping cart” or other hidden specials. © 2016, Audio Express.
DECEMBER 28, 2016-JANUARY 3, 2017
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AUDIO EXPRESS!
Lowest Installed Price In Town — Every Time!
HARD, SOFT, or SPORTS massage LET OUR EXPERIENCED HANDS MASSAGE YOU TODAY !
Relaxing Matters 13714-A Olive Blvd. • Chesterfield 314-628-1688 • RelaxingMatter.com