Riverfront Times - February 14, 2017

FEBURARY 15–21, 2017 I VOLUME 41 I NUMBER 7

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Farmer Girl SOME OF THE TASTIEST DISHES IN THE CITY GET THEIR FLAVOR FROM AN UNLIKELY PLACE: ANNE LEHMAN’S BACKYARD IN TOWER GROVE SOUTH Written by SARA GRAHAM

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“I’d like to see a political revolution in St. Louis. It just seems that the city government is too cumbersome, too political, too much concerned with protecting their own turf. And I wish someone would come in there and just change things forever. I wish there was someone with bold ideas to come in and start a new system. Someone who respects the past, but a new political force to come in, shake things up and get some new ideas.”

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TABLE OF CONTENTS FEATURE

14.

Farmer Girl

Some of the tastiest dishes in the city get their flavor from an unlikely place: Anne Lehman’s backyard in Tower Grove South Written by

SARA GRAHAM Cover by

KELLY GLUECK

NEWS

CULTURE

DINING

MUSIC

5

25

37

45

The Lede

Calendar

Straight Outta Chicago

Seven days worth of great stuff to see and do

Cheryl Baehr is blown away by the barbecue on offer at Wudon

Rising rapper Noname brings her show to St. Louis

9

35

40

48

Smoking Away in Defiance

Frustrated by the smoking ban, Lindner’s Pub decides to keep the ashtrays out

FIlm

Robert Hunt enjoys the German comedy Toni Erdmann

What brought down a powerful Russian heist targeting casinos? Some smart-thinking people in St. Louis

43

50

First Look

Kelly Glueck tries the Jersey-style treats at Boardwalk Waffles

The ‘Ayes’ Have It

The mayoral candidates on the Board of Aldermen have made few “no” votes in recent years

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

David Beeman Slow Fade

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Homespun

Samantha Pretto found her calling at the Dark Room

Good Fortune sets its sights on Botanical Heights, while Kaldi’s Coffee will be moving into the CityGarden space

Russian Ring Busted in St. Louis

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Side Dish

Food News

9

6

Seoul Food

Your friend or neighbor, captured on camera

Out Every Night

The best concerts in St. Louis every night of the week

52

This Just In

This week’s new concert announcements

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Lindner’s Pub Defies Smoking Ban Written by

SARAH FENSKE

B

ack when people could smoke freely in St. Louis bars, Lance Lindner was doing a good business. A retired cop, he opened Lindner’s Pub (2925 Mt. Pleasant Street) five years ago in the corner space that used to be Ferguson’s, deep in south city — and attracted a group of lowkey regulars who enjoyed a drink and smoke, sometimes at 6 a.m.

But then came the smoking ban. It went into effect as 2016 dawned, and after a few months’ grace period, the city began enforcing it.

That ban, Lindner says, is killing his business — and he’s not going to take it anymore.

“It’s a bullshit law,” he says.

“And you can quote-unquote me on this: If clientele walk in my bar and are willing to spend money, I will let them smoke in here.”

Asked if he’s worried about getting cited by the city, he says, “It’s a $100 fine for allowing smoking.

Well, that’s a $100 tax write-off.

I’ll write you a $1,200 check for the whole year. Just leave me alone.”

Lindner says the ban is literally killing his business, and he has the ledger to prove it. He got through the summer just fine; people don’t mind stepping outside when the weather’s nice. But then came the fall, and then winter. It became clear to him what he had to do. He’s about two miles from St. Louis County, two miles from River City Casino. In both places, smoking is allowed. Why would anyone drink at Lindner’s?

For some drinkers, it’s become something of an open secret which bars are quietly flouting the ban. And Lindner tried to lay low. But then, in December, he got a citation. He admitted to the city inspector he’d been smoking in Continued on pg 10 the bar — it

The Russians studied slot machine algorithms in an elaborate operation — only to get busted in St. Louis. | CHARLES TAYLOR

FOR RUSSIAN RING, A BIG BUST IN ST. LOUIS

A

s far as casino heists goes, the one targeting a string of St. Louis casinos in 2014 lacked a certain pizzazz. There were no guards to incapacitate, no vaults to crack and no escapes to be made with exotic European sports cars.

Instead, four Russian men simply played the slots in local casinos in St. Louis and the Metro East, as well as casinos in Kansas City and in Temecula, California. What made things a bit more intriguing is that when the Russians played, they won, over and over again.

When the FBI announced indictments against the four men in December that year, the details of their scam were left hazy. The FBI press release noted that the men had “engaged in a conspiracy to cheat at least ten casinos in Missouri, California and Illinois through the use of electronic devices,” and that the devices were used to crack a certain a model of slot machine called

the Aristocrat Mark VI. Apparently, the devices communicated with a foreign server, and somehow that provided the men with the ability to consistently “predict the behavior” of the slots.

But how do you beat slots with a foreign server? What does “beating slots” even mean? Were these men working alone, or was this part of something bigger? The FBI wasn’t talking. A federal judge sealed the four defendants’ indictments. The questions were left unanswered.

At least, until now. According to a report published last week by Wired contributing editor Brendan Koerner, the 2014 indictments represented the first-ever bust of a global cheating scheme. And the critical evidence behind the arrests came from St. Louis.

In June 2014, according to Koerner, the Lumiere Place Casino noted that several Aristocrat Mark VI slot machines were distributing far more money than expected. Casino security started checking surveillance tape from the date associated with higher-than-usual payouts. U.S. Attorney Richard Callahan tells Riverfront riverfronttimes.com

Times that it was actually a Missouri State Highway Patrol corporal working for the state’s Gaming Commission who discovered the payout discrepancies and subsequently alerted the casinos.

In any case, the surveillance tape showed a man playing some slots “while furtively holding his iPhone close to the screen,” Koerner writes.

He’d walk away after a few minutes, then return a bit later to give the game a second chance. That’s when he’d get lucky. The man would parlay a $20 to $60 investment into as much as $1,300 before cashing out and moving on to another machine, where he’d start the cycle anew. Over the course of two days, his winnings tallied just over $21,000.

The only odd thing about his behavior during his streaks was the way he’d hover his finger above the Spin button for long stretches before finally jabbing it in haste; typical slots players don’t pause between spins like that.

After collecting without incident in June, the man in the video would return to St. Continued on pg 12

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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A retired cop, Lance Lindner says the smoking ban has left him with no choice. | SARAH FENSKE was empty, he says, and he was the only one there — but she told him it was illegal to so much as have his pack of cigarettes out on the bar. That got his back up; as he pointed out to her, the cigarette vending machine in his bar has a permit from the city.

It was incredibly frustrating.

“It’s a bar,” he says. “I’m 54 years old, and as long as I can remember, you always smoked in a bar.

If you don’t like it, you go to a bar where there isn’t smoking.”

He tried. He toed the line all through January. But his business died. On some days, literally no one came by for a single drink.

“Out of 31 days, I had eighteen days with no money,” he says, pointing at his hand-written ledger. “Super Bowl Sunday, I made $210.” Back when people could smoke? $1,200, easy.

And so, recently, he began allowing smoking again, and he doesn’t care who knows it. Already he’s made more in February than he made in all of December.

He says he tried to find a way to be legal. Everything anyone suggested, he did: He tried to convert to a private club, but the city said no. He tried to go the heated tent route, but ultimately Building & Zoning told him no because he’s on a corner. He just doesn’t see any other option.

“I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but in another way, I feel like I’m doing something right,” he says. “I have to pay my bills, I have to pay my taxes. That’s the way it has to be.”

“I feel like I’m doing something wrong, but in another way, I feel like I’m doing something right.”

L i n d n e r ’s a l d e r m a n , Ke n Ortmann, is sympathetic.

Ortmann’s wife and daughter own the Cat’s Meow in Soulard, another classic St. Louis dive that’s been hit hard by the new rules. (Ortmann was one of the only aldermen to vocally oppose the ban.)

He says he wouldn’t advise Lindner to go around telling the media he’s defying City Hall — but he understands how he could get there. “People don’t want to walk outside every time they have a cigarette,” he says. “People told me when the ban came down that now they’d come by and drink at our bar, that they’d make up for it. It hasn’t made up for what we lost.”

A legal challenge mounted to the ban mounted by a group of bar owners is still pending in appellate court. Lindner says he’s holding out some hope for that.

Other bar owners aren’t so sure.

“My opinion?” says Ortmann.

“We’re screwed.” n

DID YOU KNOW:

The ‘Ayes’ Have It

1.3 MILLION

Written by

PEOPLE READ

SARAH FENSKE

I

n the last two years, the city’s Board of Aldermen have taken hundreds of final votes on matters big and small, including plans to finance a new football stadium, to put a soccer stadium before voters, to increase the minimum wage and to approve countless tax incentive plans for developments of all sizes.

But until last Friday, only once in all those instances did Alderwoman Lyda Krewson vote no — on a plan opposed by neighbors to vacate a single downtown block. In every other instance in the last two sessions, other than one abstention, she was either absent or voted “aye.”

Krewson is not an outlier. Her colleagues on the Board of Aldermen almost always vote “aye,” too — including all three of those running for mayor. Looking at their voting records as compiled by the board’s clerk, absences far outweigh “no” votes — and “ayes” dwarf all other options to the point of almost being laughable.

Like Krewson, Alderman Jeffrey Boyd voted no on the third and final reading of just one bill in the last two years until Friday — last session’s hotly contested stadium bill. President Lewis Reed voted no twice as often, but that still only entailed two no votes on final readings in two years. One was a plan to leverage two city buildings to pay for development costs related to the NGA in north city; the other was a community block grant funding bill. In both cases, a spokesman says, he had concerns about the process used by the administration of Mayor Francis Slay.

Even Alderman Antonio French, who has earned a reputation as a firebrand, voted no on the final version of just three bills in the 20152016 session and one, until Friday, in the 2016-2017 session — although those four “no” votes all came on high-profile, high-pressure bills, including the stadium bill and the minimum wage compromise plan.

Members of the board say, in general, there is pressure to vote “aye.” Alderman Scott Ogilvie, who was elected to the board as an outsider in 2011, recalls one longstanding member telling him

Lewis Reed was for the Scottrade plan before he was against it. | DANNY WICENTOWSKI that he or she had never voted no on anything — “because if they ever had a bill, they didn’t want people to vote no on it.”

Since joining the board, Ogilvie says he’s often asked if there are alliances or groups within it. “The way I rank people in my mind now,” he says, “is that there are people who will vote ‘yes’ on every single thing and people who will sometimes vote ‘no.’ There are people who don’t vote no on anything, and that’s hard for me to explain.”

Of the five leading mayoral candidates, four are on the Board of Aldermen. Only Treasurer Tishaura Jones is not currently a member.

(Ogilvie, for the record, is neutral in the mayor’s race.)

Krewson is the longest serving, having first been elected in 1997.

Her campaign spokesman Ed Rhode says her long record of “aye” votes is nothing to be ashamed of.

Says Rhode, “Alderwoman Krewson is a proven consensus builder which is reflected in her voting record. Whether it is the minimum wage bill or smoking ban bill, most major pieces of legislation that pass through the Board of Aldermen have her input.

It would only make sense that she is typically on the prevailing side of most issues.”

And in President Reed’s defense, his spokesman, David Woodruff, notes that the tallies above only reflect those bills that made it all the way to a final vote. “Often, if an alderman or alderwoman know they don’t have enough votes to pass a bill, they never end up putting it up for a vote,” he says. “There were numerous other bills that the

President did not agree with, but those bills never came up to a vote.”

Last Friday, the board considered a controversial bill that would provide $105 million in general fund revenue to upgrade Scottrade Center. The deal drew opposition from some of the city’s more progressive aldermen, who argued that with the city’s crumbling schools and serious crime problem, it could hardly afford to give away that much general fund money to the operator of the St. Louis Blues, who already enjoy a rent-free residency at Scottrade. In committee, noted Alderman French, “Every north side alderman voted against it, because it’s completely insulting to us when you look at the needs we’re facing in our neighborhoods.”

President Reed was a sponsor of the bill, which, as president, is a rarity. Reed’s largest donor, Dave Steward, is a minority owner of the Blues — and kicked in another $100,000 to Reed’s mayoral campaign on Thursday. (Steward has now given $165,000 in total to Reed this election cycle.)

Reed voted for the bill in an earlier reading at Friday’s meeting. But in the final reading a bit later that same meeting, he switched to a “no” — joining Krewson, Boyd and French in a rare display of opposition.

Still, Reed tells the RFT that his “no” vote was not about the deal itself. Instead he felt that the final reading could easily hold a week, and opposed the move to take the final vote just then. “Why rush it?” he asks. He nevertheless “100 percent” supports the expenditure.

Apparently even when they vote no, they sometimes still mean yes.n riverfronttimes.com

EACH MONTH

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RUSSIAN BUST Continued from pg 9 Louis that December with his three cohorts. That would prove a major mistake. The four men were spotted by security at the Hollywood Casino and arrested.

Three of the suspects eventually pleaded guilty and received twoyear sentences in federal prison. (A fourth, Yevgeniy Nazarov, had his case dismissed for lack of evidence that he’d physically participated in the scam, says Callahan. The Wired story claims Nazarov avoided prosecution by cooperating with authorities.)

In his story for Wired, Koerner cites a Las Vegas–based casino security consultant who had been apparently tracking these particular scammers for years.

The key to the scheme involved an older but widely used slot machine, the Aristocrat Mark VI, and figuring out how to break its pseudo-random number generators. All the hackers needed was access to their own Mark VI — and procuring a slot machine wasn’t a problem in Russia in the late 2000s. That’s because Russia outlawed gambling in 2009, a move that forced casinos to unload their unusable slot machines to any available buyer, and at penny-slot prices.

After getting their hands on the Mark VI and its source code, a Russian criminal organization based St. Petersburg cracked the pseudo-random number generator. That “pseudo” is the important part — it means that the randomness of the slots isn’t really all that random. From the Wired story: PRNGs take an initial number, known as a seed, and then mash it together with various hidden and shifting inputs — the time from a machine’s internal clock, for example — in order to produce a result that appears impossible to forecast. But if hackers can identify the various ingredients in that mathematical stew, they can potentially predict a PRNG’s output.

That explains what Lumiere’s surveillance tapes captured in June 2014. The man holding an iPhone “furtively close to the screen” was actually transmitting information to a team of hackers.

Here’s how it worked: The operative would record two-dozen spins on the targeted slot machine and upload the footage to analysts in St. Petersburg. The St. Petersburg team, in turn, would use that footage to calculate the slot’s pattern, because they’d already cracked this particular model’s 12

RIVERFRONT TIMES

pseudo-random number generator. A few minutes later, the St. Petersburg team would send a list of “timing markers” to an app on the operative’s phone, causing the phone to vibrate roughly one-fourth of a second before he needed to slap the spin button.

All the operative would have to do is wait for the buzz, hit the button and get paid.

The Wired story doesn’t say how much money was stolen in total, but Callahan tells RFT that investigators estimate that one trip hitting multiple casinos could net them around $100,000. And that could mean a

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

really big payday: Callahan says the Russian scam team made between fifteen and twenty trips before the 2014 arrests.

According to a redacted indictment, the Russians targeted the Casino Queen in East St. Louis and the Argosy, Ameristar, Hollywood, Lumiere and River City casinos in the St. Louis area. In Kansas City, the crooks hit the Ameristar, Harrah’s and Isle of Capri casinos.

Despite the arrests, scammers are still using similar methods to break slot machines all over the world. According to the Wired article, the fact

that authorities were able to snag the four men in St. Louis was an aberration.

For Callahan, this is just another chapter in the endless back-and-forth between criminals and law enforcement.

“Each day there’s new schemes, and I don’t think we’re ever going to see an end to scheming of all sorts,” he says. “At the moment, we haven’t discovered any new groups engaging in this behavior, but it’s something that we and the casinos are always on the lookout for.”

—Danny Wicentowski

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Farmer Girl

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r l

SOME OF THE TASTIEST DISHES IN THE CITY GET THEIR FLAVOR FROM AN UNLIKELY PLACE: ANNE LEHMAN’S BACKYARD IN TOWER GROVE SOUTH Written by

SARA GRAHAM

M

Photography by

KELLY GLUECK

any of the best chefs in St. Louis have something in common: At one time or another, they’ve cooked with the vibrant flavors cultivated at Dirty Girl Farms.

Despite its name, that is no sprawling agricultural operation. Instead, it’s a small patch of earth in Anne Lehman’s Tower Grove South backyard, where she grows herbs, edible flowers, leaves, roots, fruits and vegetables. The “farms” in Dirty Girl Farms, Lehman explains, isn’t a plural noun — it’s a verb that explains what she’s doing.

As for the “dirty” part, that describes the state she is often in after a day’s work digging in the dirt, a state Lehman describes as pure bliss. “I am outside, it is peaceful, my company is good — birds, bees, butterflies, worms and a whole bunch of other loud beneficial insects — the snacks are always good and I get to get my hands dirty.”

From her modest patch of earth, Lehman has grown a client list that reads like a “Who’s Who” of top St. Louis chefs: Ben Poremba, Ben Grupe, Tello Carreon, Chris Krzysik, Gerard Craft, Sarah and Nick Blue, Mike Miller, William Pauley, Michael Gallina, Nate Hereford, Josh Charles, Summer Wright, David Rosenfeld, Heather Stone, Chris Bork, Kevin Nashan, Josh Galliano, Matt Bessler, Sherrie Castellano, Wil Pelly, Mark Sanfilippo and Robin Wheeler.

Lehman also sells to florists, who covet her unique specimens for visual variety, amazing fragrances and custom edible arrangements.

In recent years, specialty farms have been planted across the country, many in small, urban environments like Lehman’s. Atypical crops such as herbs, seeds, flowers, microgreens, mushrooms, maple syrup, honey and even seafood can be grown in backyards, on rooftops, in container gardens and even foraged in local wild spaces. The key to success is finding a niche that isn’t already occupied, while working with a crop that grows well in your climate and is in demand.

Continued on pg 16

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RIGHT, LEHMAN’S ANDEAN SILVER-LEAF SAGE HAS BEEN USED IN COCKTAILS AT BLOOD & SAND AND NIXTA .

BELOW, LEHMAN’S STRAINER CONTAINS WILD COSMOS FLOWERS, SEMINOLE PUMPKIN FLOWERS AND THE GREEN LEAVES OF SHISO. KOUNTER KULTURE USED THE SHISO IN A PESTO.

FARMER GIRL Continued from pg 15 Lehman’s Dirty Girl Farms was licensed in St. Louis as the 15th Ward’s first urban farm in June 2012. The operation quickly cultivated a client list, almost without even trying.

It began in earnest when Lehman brought a sample bouquet to her neighbor, John Fausz, who was then a bartender at Olio. Fausz never even got to use the floral herbs. The restaurant’s owner, Ben Poremba, walked in, smelled the fragrant aroma, picked up the sweet mace and asked, “What is this?” He then requested a list of everything Lehman was growing.

He placed his first order the very next day — sweet mace, pineapple sage, mojito mint, celery umbels, fennel umbels and Cuban oregano.

From then on, Lehman supplied herbs to Olio’s sister restaurant, Elaia, on a weekly basis. Chef Josh Charles, who’s since left Elaia, made what would prove to be one of Lehman’s favorite things created from her plants — a candied sweet mace. Says Charles, “Anne’s herbs add that final bit of complexity to my dishes.”

Poremba’s newest restaurant, Nixta, features Lehman’s products as well. Executive chef Tello Carreon enjoys using the stalks of herbs such as geranium, pineapple verbena and pineapple sage, oft-discarded parts of the plants that other chefs might never consider using. With the geranium, for example, Carreon simmered the leaves and stalks in a simple syrup, vacuum-sealed them and let them sit for three months. In December, what emerged was an intensely infused flavor he used for a winter bread pudding.

And Poremba and Charles proved to be good people to know. They quickly introduced Lehman to Kevin Nashan, owner of Sidney Street Cafe and Peacemaker Lobster and Crab Company. Things really took off from there.

Mike Randolph, proprietor of Randolfi’s, Público and Half & Half also met Lehman through a friend. “We were invited to tour her backyard. She walks you around, picking this and that for you to taste,” he says.

“She’s an encyclopedia. It’s really cool to have her as a resource.” Since that first visit, Randolph and his chefs have ordered from her regularly. During the summer months, Randolph will often call to find

out what’s peaking in a given week so he can plan his menus around those flavors.

Last summer, Lehman mentioned she had some cilantro going to seed. Randolph took all of it, using it primarily as a unique flavoring in Público’s ceviche. The dish proved a tremendous hit with his guests, he says.

“She has a lot of esoteric things I’ve never used before, which inspires us to go into research mode,” he says. “She doesn’t grow traditional basil, for example, but tulse basil, something unique or lost to standard cultivation. ... I just order things to kick our chefs in the butt — to challenge them.”

Michael Gallina, chef/owner at Vicia, the much-anticipated restaurant soon to open in the Cortex area, values this aspect of Lehman’s operation as well. “She’s not just growing basil and mint,” he says.

“She’s growing fifteen herbs that you’ve never heard of and fifteen that you’ve always wanted more access to, but can hardly ever find locally.” He relishes the opportunities afforded by her distinctive offerings. “Have you ever cleaned your hands after a course with a towel steamed in rose geranium? It’s magical.”

Continued on pg 18

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TOP LEFT, LEHMAN AT HOME. TOP RIGHT, BLOOD & SAND USED DIRTY GIRL FARMS’ BISON GRASS TO INFUSE VODKA. IT PLAYED A STARRING ROLE IN A COCKTAIL GARNISHED WITH DEHYDRATED BISON GRASS. | COURTESY OF ASHLEY MELTON RIGHT, MOUJEAN TEA, ALSO KNOWN AS BOTH BAHAMA BERRY AND PINEAPPLE VERBENA. PASTRY CHEF SARAH OSBORNE MADE MARSHMALLOWS WITH THIS HERB FOR USE AT NICHE. IT IS ALSO AN ICE CREAM FLAVOR IN LEHMAN’S NEW LINE, AVAILABLE AT KOUNTER KULTURE.

FARMER GIRL Continued from pg 17 Now 56, Lehman has been growing things since she was five years old and, barring the six years she lived in New York City, she’s always had a garden. Her father grew up on a farm in Oregon, and he still shares ownership of the land with his siblings.

“While he left home at a very young age, on a full scholarship to Stanford, he never lost the importance and connection to the soil,” she says. “He passed this on to me. Planting and growing food was a family activity. We sowed seeds together. We watered together. We harvested together.”

To prepare for her new role as a farmer, Lehman read everything she could get her hands on — from documents about gardens of lore, such as Native American, native Missouri, colonial and Biblical, to stories about modern-day chefs’ gardens. She is constantly tearing photos from food magazines, researching food trends and being inspired to try something completely off the cuff. Each season progresses through trial and error as she learns what grows well in St. Louis and what chefs are looking for at a given moment in time.

Her path to the business has not been a straight line. Lehman worked primarily in the music industry in the early 1980s and 90s, both in San Francisco and New York. She managed finances for the American arms of three

British record labels — Rough Trade, Factory Records and Blast First — and later managed tours and shot documentary photography for the Mekons (still one of the longest running British punk rock bands). From there she worked in finance for several nightclubs, continued in social documentary photography and competed for fifteen years in national and international Olympic-style weightlifting. That’s where she met her husband, Derrick Crass, a weightlifting champion and two-time Olympian.

The pair moved to St. Louis in 2012 so Crass could study in Saint Louis University’s physician assistant program. Lehman knew it was the opportunity she had been waiting for to try her hand at professional urban farming, “My goal has always been to be outside for as many hours a day as possible,” she says. They intentionally purchased a home that included a backyard big enough for growing.

The property lot is 30 feet by 162 feet, quite sufficient for the crops Lehman grows, which now number more than 100. The potent flavor of herbs and seeds means that just little bit of a plant goes a long way. Even so, not a single square inch of growing space, horizontal or vertical, is wasted.

One of Lehman’s more cherished crops is fennel. The fully developed fruit tastes like Good & Plenty candies, and a garnish Continued on pg 20

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RIGHT, LEHMAN’S WILD COSMOS HAVE BEEN USED BY ELAIA, TAHA’A TWISTED TIKI, THE LIBERTINE, CONFLUENCE KOMBUCHA AND MORE. BELOW, CHEF HEATHER STONE USED THE EDIBLE FLOWERS FOR A DISH SERVED AT A TOWER GROVE PARK POP-UP FEATURING FORAGED FOODS. | PHOTO BY DAVE MOORE

FARMER GIRL Continued from pg 19 of the flowers or a sprinkle of the pollen gives an anise fragrance to cold soups, grilled fish, vegetables or pork. Blood & Sand uses her fennel seeds in its summer herb cake; before closing last year, the James Beard Award-winning Niche used it as an ingredient in its spring onion and Yukon potato soup.

Summer Wright, executive pastry chef at Vicia, is a self-described fanatic for both varieties of fennel grown by Lehman, as well as her verbena and rose geranium. She values the unique offerings and also the care Lehman takes with everything, from the health of the soil to the hand-delivered, artfully curated bouquets of flowers and herbs tied with string.

“She is extremely educated and I have yet to stump her with my questions. She pushes the

envelope of comfortability quite gracefully to open our eyes to unusual but friendly botanicals, and we are better chefs for it,” says Wright.

And now she’s not just providing the raw materials. Socalled “value-added farming” takes things one step further by providing a finished product.

Think: pickles, jam, beeswax candles, bitters, hot sauce, teas or herb mixes.

For Lehman, her first value-added success was with a line of bitters in collaboration with Fausz, then a bartender at the Royale (he now lives on the West Coast) on a very limited edition line.

Recalls Fausz, “she started making tinctures, and I asked her if she ever thought about combining them to create more complex flavors, and I think she turned that into a dare.”

They met weekly from October 2014 through October 2015 and created five flavors — Summer,

Fall, Winter, Spring and one for bloody marys. Lehman now sells bitters and tinctures to Taste, Planter’s House, Blood & Sand, Olio, Sardella and Reeds American Table.

Fausz marvels at Lehman’s approach to the work. “Anne was impressive in the way she was able to infuse each herb with a story, a history, a personality,” he says. “She is serious about what she does, but also has a great sense of humor and a deep devotion to and knowledge of the plants she grows.

She has a tremendous knack for growing them and an appreciation for flavor. I think that’s why just about every serious bar and kitchen in town knows her.”

In collaboration with her husband, Lehman is also developing a line of ice cream — Audhumbla Ice Cream, named for a primeval cow in Norse mythology. The sweet treat is made with all local ingre-

dients and her characteristically unique flavors, designed to challenge and delight the palate. The ice cream is made simply with cream, milk, eggs, sugar, Madagascar vanilla beans and a single herb, fruit, root, vegetable, leaf, nut or seed, either grown by Lehman or sustainably foraged from a known source in the wild.

“We mean to capture the very essence of the single ingredient,” explains Lehman. The ice cream is now available at Kounter Kulture, Gustine Market and Larder & Cupboard, in flavors including Paw Paw, Lemon Verbena, Blue Licorice, Chestnut and Kaffir Lime Leaf.

One of the more unusual plants on Lehman’s farm is a bonsai native to the Inagua district of the Bahamas — pineapple verbena. The tiny cream-colored flowers have an intense fragrance of jasmine and then develop into a small dimpled orange fruit. The Continued on pg 22

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ABOVE, PINEAPPLE VERBENA. LEHMAN’S TINCTURE OF THIS HERB IS FEATURED IN “THE TUXEDO BEGINS” COCKTAIL AT TASTE, ALONG WITH GIN AND MALMSEY. TOP RIGHT, CLARY SAGE HAS BEEN EMPLOYED BY BLOOD & SAND, CONFLUENCE KOMBUCHA, ELAIA, AND TAHA‘A TWISTED TIKI. RIGHT, WHITE SOUL STRAWBERRY WILL BE FEATURED IN A FLAVOR OF LEHMAN’S AUDHUMBLA ICE CREAM.

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FARMER GIRL Continued from pg 21 leaves have a spicy aroma and taste of citrus, honey and vanilla.

Lehman and Crass are preparing it to debut as a new ice cream flavor on the first day of spring.

Chris Meyer, now a co-owner of Kounter Kulture, met Lehman when she was at Blood & Sand, and later used Lehman’s herbs for the pop-ups where Meyer and her partner refined their Kounter Kulture dishes. “People would pick up on small, subtle notes, which really made me happy that they were that into the flavors, and they would ask, ‘What is this flavor?’ It was always Anne’s herbs.”

And now Meyer is excited to offer the ice cream at private dinners catered by Kounter Kulture.

“The subtle flavor and creamy textures are a wonderful complement to the food that we’re doing,” she says.

David Greteman of Planter’s House was a fan of Lehman’s even before the ice cream line. “I make it a goal to have at least one drink on each menu with one of her tinctures. They transform and round cocktails so well,” he says. But he’s positively blown away by what she and Crass are doing with Audhumbla. It is, he says, “the best ice cream I’ve ever had.”

Though Lehman’s conditional use permit does not allow for

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signage, her neighbors all know about the farm; it’s become a point of pride. Those who walk up the alley see her often during the growing season and regularly stop to chat about what she’s harvested that week.

You might have an opportunity to see the farm for yourself — Dirty Girl Farms has been on the Sustainable Backyard Tour for three years in a row, hosting hundreds of attendees, and Lehman plans to participate again this fall. (For more information, visit www.sustainablebackyardtour.com.)

This year Lehman plans to add more edible flowers to her lineup, as well as additional roots, seeds, exotic herbs and fruits. The farm is “ever changing, ever growing,” she says.

Today, Lehman’s client list is impressive, but it wasn’t always so. “Getting started was challenging. I did not go to high school here,” she says. “I was not known. I’m shy, but I have forced myself to approach those chefs and bartenders who make what I like to eat and drink.” Clearly, her efforts have paid off.

And for Lehman, her favorite part of her job is no longer just about getting dirty. It’s about those interactions with the community, all those conversations with all the people who rave about her tiny farm’s delicious bounty. She cherishes, she says, “the unsolicited love I get from anyone who n loves what I grow.”

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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WEEK OF FEBRUARY 17-22

Taste of Soulard gives your mouth a taste of this year’s Mardi Gras. | LINDA HUGHES

BY PAUL FRISWOLD

FRIDAY 02/17 Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and Grill Billie Holiday was a groundbreaker who paved the way for the sounds of jazz and pop. Her songs transcend her time, and her voice was an untouchable instrument that filled the room with unbridled emotion. Her life was also turbulent, as she experienced drug abuse, racism and misogyny. One of her last performances was at a small club in Philadelphia. That night is the setting of Lanie Robertson’s Tony Award-winning musical, Lady Day at Emerson’s Bar and

Grill, presented by Max and Louie Productions with Alexis J. Roston in the title role. Lady Day is performed at 8 p.m. Wednesday to Saturday and 3 p.m. Sunday, (February 17 to March 4) at the Kranzberg Arts Center (501 North Grand Boulevard; www.maxandlouie.com). There is one matinee at 4 p.m. on Saturday, March 4. Tickets are $35 to $45.

— Bill Loellke

SATURDAY 02/18 Krish Mohan: Approaching Happiness With each passing day it becomes

more clear: America is at war with itself. Will anybody ever be happy again? Comedian Krish Mohan thinks it’s possible. His new show, Approaching Happiness, addresses the nations big issues — drugs, gun control, racism — and ties them all into the way they cause our mental health to deteriorate. The healthier we are, the happier we’ll be. Krish Mohan brings his Approaching Happiness tour to the the Monocle (4510 Manchester Avenue; www. themonoclestl.com) tonight at 7:30 p.m. Tickets are $7 to $10.

— Paul Friswold

Taste of Soulard Mardi Gras in St. Louis means eating too much and maybe enjoying a drink, which is what the Taste riverfronttimes.com

of Soulard is all about. Drink refreshing Cruzan Rum, sample some delectable dishes and enjoy one last hurrah before Lent. If you purchase a ticket, you will get one Cruzan Rum drink voucher and six food vouchers. Some of the dishes featured will be chicken sausage jambalaya at Carson’s, a shrimp and crab rice bowl at Great Grizzly Bear and pulled pork and Baja fish tacos at Social House. Food, family and friends make for frivolous times, and this Mardi Gras staple has them all in abundance. The Cruzan Rum Taste of Soulard takes place from 11 a.m. to 5 p.m. Saturday and Sunday (February 18 and 19) at participating establishments in the Soulard neighborhood (Allen Avenue and Menard Street; www.stlmardigras. org). Tickets are $25. — Bill Loellke

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

Continued on pg 26

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CALENDAR Continued from pg 25

SUNDAY 02/19 Allegiance A week before Thanksgiving, frequent Fox News guest Carl Higbie claimed that America’s use of internment camps for JapaneseAmerican citizens during World War II sets a precedent for establishing a government registry of Muslims. Many people were shocked by his statement, but not because of its content; instead, they were surprised to learn that the “greatest generation” locked up innocent American citizens during the war. Actor and activist George Takei was one of the internees. The musical Allegiance tells a fictionalized version of the Takei family experience, with George in a starring role alongside Lea Salonga. How does an entire segment of the American population lose their homes, businesses, property and freedom? Quicker than you think; all you have to do is look the other way and the deed is done. You can see Allegiance locally at 12:55 p.m. today at the AMC Chesterfield 14 (3000 Chesterfield Mall; www. fathomevents.com). Tickets are $21.

— Paul Friswold

Pet Parade & Wiener Dog Derby It’s a dog day afternoon in Soulard.

The popular Beggin’ Pet Parade kicks off at 1 p.m. at Twelfth Street and Allen Avenue (www. mardigrasinc.com). Well-behaved dogs are encouraged to wear their best costumes and march with their people in this annual Mardi Gras tie-in, with the best-dressed pooches invited to the Court of the Mystical Krewe of Barkus. If your dog is more of a speedster than a stroller, the Wiener Dog Derby starts at 2 p.m. at Wiener Stadium (Lafayette Avenue and South Ninth Street). There are four divisions based on age, with the Wiener Wannabe class open to non-dachshunds small enough to fit in the starting box. Both events are free for spectators, though its $10 to enter your mutt in either the parade or the races.

— Paul Friswold 26

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A super-fan’s dreams come almost true in Graeme of Thrones. | PAUL WILKINSON

Into the Woods It’s time to take a trip back to the woods, where some iconic fairy tale characters are waiting to entertain St. Louis audiences. Stephen Sondheim and James Lapine’s legendary musical Into the Woods brings together Little Red Riding Hood, Cinderella and Rapunzel. The story follows a baker and his wife who want to have a child, but can’t as the result of a curse placed on them by a vengeful witch. In desperate times, they go on a journey that will see them interact with the famous characters in the hopes of lifting their curse. Into the Woods is performed at 2 p.m. and 7:30 p.m. today at the Peabody Opera House (1400 Market Street; www. peabodyoperahouse.com). Tickets are $30 to $82.

— Bill Loellke

TUESDAY 02/21 Graeme of Thrones Graeme loves Game of Thrones so much that he decides to recreate it on stage with help from his best friend and former crush. But Graeme doesn’t have the budget, cast or acting talent to pull it off.

Regardless, he works to put on a show that will bowl over the influential producer who is rumored be in the audience. Graeme be-

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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lieves George R.R. Martin would approve. Would he? Who knows, but the critics certainly have. Game of Thrones fans will, too. Graeme of Thrones is performed at 8 p.m.

Tuesday to Friday, 4 and 8 p.m. Saturday, and 2 and 6 p.m. on Sunday (February 21 to 26) at Playhouse at Westport Plaza (635 Westport Plaza; www.playhouseatwestport. com). Tickets are $60.

— Bill Loellke

Fat Tire Camp Fire The start of spring is just one month away and if you’re itching to resume your weekly rides, the Fat Tire Camp Fire will surely get you in the mood. This cycling expo gives you a sneak peek at the latest bikes and new gear, and also lets you meet with Pro Skills instructors from Roots Mountain Biking and Off-Road Cyclists representatives. You can also test your skills on the Fat Bike Log Ride Challenge and virtual indoor MTB rides. The Fat Tire Campfire starts at 6 p.m. tonight at Ballpark Village (601 Clark Avenue; www.stlballparkvillage.com). Admission is free.

— Paul Friswold

WEDNESDAY 02/22 Todd Mayfield Curtis Mayfield grew up in Chicago’s Cabrini-Green projects, and the hardship he witnessed there

informed his music for the rest of his life. With the 60s soul group the Impressions, Mayfield composed some of the most influential music of the nascent Civil Rights movement, such as “People Get Ready and “Keep on Pushing, which became an anthem for Martin Luther King. When Mayfield went solo he continued to write socially-conscious songs about black life, including the major hit “Super Fly,” the theme song for the Blaxploitation film of the same name. In 1990 Mayfield was paralyzed from the neck down when part of a lighting rig fell on him. Even that couldn’t slow down one of soul music’s greatest writers, and he continued to record new music until his death in 1999. Mayfield’s second-oldest son Todd shares the story of his father’s life in his new book Traveling Soul: The Life of Curtis Mayfield. Todd Mayfield discusses and signs copies of Traveling Soul at 6:30 p.m. tonight at Subterranean Books (6275 Delmar Boulevard; www.subbooks.com). Admission is free.

— Paul Friswold Planning an event, exhibiting your art or putting on a play? Let us know and we’ll include it in the Night & Day section or publish a listing in the online calendar — for free! Send details via e-mail (calendar@ riverfronttimes.com), fax (314-754-6416) or mail (6358 Delmar Boulevard, Suite 200, St. Louis, MO 63130, attn: Calendar). Include the date, time, price, contact information and location (including ZIP code). Please submit information three weeks prior to the date of your event. No telephone submissions will be accepted. Find more events online at www.riverfronttimes.com.

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MARDI GRAS

Your Complete Guide to 2017 Mardi Gras 5K Run for Your Beads

Beggin’ Pet Parade Join grand marshals Anna Elise Parks and Lisa Hart of KTVI for one of the largest pet parade in the world. As the Guinness World Record holder for “Most Dogs in Costumed Attire,” the Beggin’ Pet Parade features thousands of dressed-up pets and plenty of highlights, including a coronation ceremony for the best pet costumes, a wiener dog derby, and a Beggin’ sampling for pets. A required registration fee of $10 for each pet participating in the parade benefits the Open Door Animal Sanctuary. All other activities are free to parade spectators. Sun., Feb. 19, 10 a.m.-4 p.m., Free. 314-982-3523, www.begginpetparade.com. Soulard neighborhood, Allen Ave. and Menard Street.

Wiener Dog Derby If your dog is more of a speedster than a stroller, the Wiener Dog Derby starts at 2 p.m. at Wiener Stadium (Lafayette Ave. and S. Ninth Street).

There are four divisions based on age, with the Wiener Wannabe class open to non-dachshunds small enough to fit in the starting box.

Both events are free for spectators, though it’s $10 to enter your mutt in either the parade or the races. Sun., Feb. 19, 2 p.m., free for spectators. Soulard Market Park, Lafayette Ave. & S. 9th Street.

Sidney Street Shakers Mardi Gras Party Thu., Feb. 23, 8 p.m., $6. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

Mayor’s Mardi Gras Ball Hosted by the Mardi Gras Foundation in the rotunda of St. Louis City Hall, this black-tie gala features food, cocktails, dancing, and spectacular entertainment. Mayor’s Ball proceeds benefit the Mardi Gras Foundation, which has made community grants to improve Soulard and downtown since 2003. Friday, Feb. 24, 7 p.m. $150 general admission. St. Louis City Hall, 1200 Market Street.

The Grand Parade The parade starts at 11 a.m. at Busch Stadium, but things really kick off when the lead marcher hits Soulard. The entire neighborhood becomes a street party that lasts late into the night, with drink and food specials at most bars, music in

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Get your exercise, St. Louis Mardi Gras style.

Show up in your best purple, gold and green costume and race your way through the historic Soulard neighborhood. In true Mardi Gras spirit, pit stops along the race route will feature complimentary beer and hurricanes (for runners 21 and older). All registrants will receive a limited edition 5K Run for Your Beads t-shirt. Saturday, Feb. 18, 9 a.m. $30 pre-registration; $35 race day. Lafayette Ave. & 8th Street, mardigras. com/events/

the streets and beads flying about hither and yon. Admission to the parade and Soulard is free, but bring money for party fuel. Sat., Feb. 25, 11 a.m., www.mardigrasinc.org. Anheuser Busch, 1 Busch Place, St. Louis, 800-3425283.

Colt Ford at Country Gras Get ready for a Mardi Gras Party like no other, Country Gras. On Sat., Feb. 25, an all-inclusive party at Social House in Soulard stars 93.7 The Bull featuring Colt Ford. Sat., Feb. 25, 11 a.m.5 p.m., all-inclusive tickets starting at $55, 314-241-3023, kerry@partystarevents.com, countrygras.com. Social House Soulard, 1551 S. 7th Street.

Mardi Gras 2017 Breakfast buffet 8 a.m.-10 a.m. for $8.99. Shuttle service to parade runs 9:30 a.m.-5:30 p.m.

Shuttles at 9:30 and 10:30 a.m. for $40 (ticket price includes early shuttle, breakfast buffet and unlimited hurricanes or Abita Mardi Bock until the shuttle leaves). Shuttle service runs continuously every hour until 5:30 p.m. First come, first served with $10 receipt. Drink and food specials all day. Live music by the Zydeco Crawdaddies 1 p.m. -5 p.m. and Rogers & Nienhaus 7 p.m.-11 p.m. (no cover). Sat., Feb. 25, 8 p.m.-midnight, 314-968-0061, info@hwy61roadhouse.com, hwy61roadhouse.com/.

Hwy 61 Roadhouse and Kitchen, 34 S. Old Orchard Ave., Webster Groves.

Mardi Gras at Big Daddy’s Big Daddy’s on the Landing is the official Cruzan Rum Late Night Headquarters of Mardi Gras. Check it out all week for “the Best Mardi Gras Experience in the Whole Wide World.” Big Daddy’s offers affordable parking and a free shuttle to and from Mardi Gras. Shuttle runs from 8 a.m. ‘til midnight all day and night. Fri., Feb. 24, 9 p.m.-3 a.m.; Sat., Feb. 25, 8-3 a.m.; Tue., Feb. 28, 9 p.m.-3 a.m., free shuttle to/

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from Mardi Gras 8 a.m. ‘til midnight, 314-6216700, bigdaddysevents@gmail.com. Big Daddy’s-the Landing, 118 Morgan Street.

The Official Fireball Mardi Gras Party All-inclusive package from 8 a.m.-5 p.m. Steve Ewing (lead singer from the Urge) starts at 1:30 p.m. after the parade on the heated, covered party patio. DJs spin from 10 a.m. - 10:30 p.m.

Sat., Feb. 25, 8 a.m.-10:30 p.m., early bird special promo code: FIREBALL for 10% off all-inclusive come as you go pass, 314-7713066, eventsupport@spingo.com, soulard. bigdaddystl.com/big-daddys-events/.

Big Daddy’s-Soulard, 1000 Sidney Street.

Boogaloo Celebrate Mardi Gras in Maplewood with hurricanes, sazeracs, vieux carres, jambalaya, gumbo and etouffee. Feb. 24-28. Boogaloo, 7344 Manchester Road, Maplewood, 314645-4803.

Duke’s Duke’s, the Soulard sports bar, is teaming up with Jim Beam and Red Bull to bring the ultimate all-inclusive Mardi Gras “Duke’s Tent” experience. For $65, Duke’s tent tickets include all day in-and-out access to a heated tent in the heart of Soulard, with all-you-can-drink signature cocktails and beer. A lineup of national and local performers includes headliner Big Once from Chicago, as well as St. Louis legends DJ Mahf, Nappy DJ Needles, & VThom. For more information, and to purchase tickets, visit facebook.com/DukesinSoulard.

Riley’s Pub Riley’s Pub has drink specials all day, with a Mardi Gras shuttle bus every hour from 10 a.m. to 6 p.m. Sat., Feb. 25, 10 a.m.-6 p.m.

Riley’s Pub, 3458 Arsenal St., St. Louis, 314664-7474.

Keeton’s Keeton’s opens at 8 a.m. with a breakfast buffet. Ride in style to Mardi Gras on the shuttle bus; the first bus leaves at 8:45 a.m. Sat., Feb. 25, 8 a.m., $10 for breakfast and bus. Keeton’s Double Play, 4944 Christy Blvd., St. Louis, 314-351-6000.

Molly’s in Soulard Enjoy 12 hours of open bar (shots excluded) with seven bars and one of the largest patios in St. Louis with heated tents, multiple DJs, lunch and dinner buffets. Sat., Feb. 25, 10:30 a.m.10:30 p.m. For VIP cabanas, contact events@ mollysinsoulard.com. Molly’s in Soulard, 816 Geyer Ave., 314-241-6200.

Cedar Lake Cellars’ Mardi Gras Celebration Cedar Lake Cellars will hold its first Mardi Gras celebration for those 21 years and older. The weekend-long celebration includes a variety of traditional Southern fare and special Cedar Lake Cellars’ hurricane drinks. The Mardi Grasthemed menu will be served at both the full-service dining room and Lakeside Grille. A Creole brunch on Sunday will be from 10 a.m. to 2 p.m. Fri., Feb. 24, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sat., Feb. 25, 10 a.m.-9 p.m.; Sun., Feb. 26, 10 a.m.-9 p.m., Free admission. Food is available for purchase., 636-745-9500, rochelle@brandveinpr. com, www.cedarlakecellars.com. Cedar Lake Cellars, 11008 Schreckengast Road, Wright City.

Mardi Gras at 1860 Saloon 1860 Saloon celebrates Fat Tuesday with $9.95 all-you-can-eat Cajun food all day, plus live music from 9 p.m. - 1 a.m. featuring the Diamond Cut Blues Band. Tuesday, Feb. 28, 9 p.m. - 1 a.m. 1860 Saloon, 1860 S. 9th Street, 314-231-1860.

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Ines (Sandra Hüller) endures a surprise visit from her father. | © KOMPLIZEN FILM, COURTESY OF SONY PICTURES CLASSICS [REVIEW]

$#*! My Dad Does A serious German comedy, Toni Erdmann is a gorgeously loony look at the globalized world Written by

ROBERT HUNT Toni Erdmann

Directed and written by Maren Ade. Starring Sandra Hüller, Peter Simonischek and Michael Wittenborn. Opens Friday, February 17, at the Landmark Plaza Frontenac.

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infried Conradi, the man at the center of Maren Ade’s film Toni Erdmann, is a bearish, nearly retired music teacher, an aging baby boomer whose response to the mundane and unimaginative world around him is to slip in a set of grotesquely formed false teeth and take on new personae, to the bewilderment of his neighbors and the occasional unwary delivery man.

He’s a gentle anarchist, waging mild protests against the world solely for his own amusement.

Winfried’s daughter Ines has fallen far from the familial tree: She’s a no-nonsense careerist in the international business world, with a personal assistant at arm’s reach and cell phone fixed in her sight line. When her father pays a surprise visit during her negotiations with an oil company in Bucharest, she tries to fit him into her schedule for a few days before shipping him back to Germany; he rebels by grabbing an ill-fitting suit, a wig and, of course, his false teeth, and introduces himself to her business colleagues as Toni Erdmann, life coach.

What follows is a gorgeously loony tug-of-war between incompatible values, with Ines trying to preserve her place on the corporate ladder while Toni shakes it from its base.

Ade’s film is a real anomaly (or perhaps, to use the current jargon, an outlier), a serious comedy that offers broad laughs as well as thoughtful insights on contemporary Europe and the global economy.

It’s a stinging satire of the post-capitalist world, as well as a touching and at times genuinely goofy look at the eternal family struggle of young vs. old, conformity vs. rebellion. As Winfried/Toni, Peter Simonischek

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Tabletop grills let guests barbecue meat to order. | MABEL SUEN [REVIEW]

Seoul Food Wudon gives St. Louis the Korean barbecue restaurant it was missing Written by

CHERYL BAEHR Wudon

1261 Castillons Arcade Plaza; 314-6281010. Tues.-Sat. 11 a.m.-10 p.m.; Sun. 11 a.m.-9 p.m. (Closed Mondays).

V

ictor Jang had no intention of opening a restaurant. A salesman based on the East Coast, Jang regularly traveled for work, and in his spare time, soaked up the food scene

of the places he visited. He was always on the lookout for a taste of his native South Korea, and when he was assigned St. Louis as his territory, he became familiar with the city’s food scene. One thing stood out to him: How did a city this big lack proper Korean barbecue?

Jang sensed an opportunity, but first he had to convince his wife, Moon, that giving up his lucrative career to move to an unfamiliar city was the right thing to do. Surprisingly, she agreed, and before they knew it, they were packing up their home in New York City and headed to the Midwest to realize his vision for a Korean restaurant unlike anything else this town has seen.

T h e c i t y m ay h a v e b e e n unfamiliar to the Jangs, but the restaurant business was not.

Moon’s parents have owned a Korean barbecue restaurant in

Seoul for twenty years, so she grew up around the industry. Her mom and dad proved to be invaluable resources for the young couple, guiding them through every step of the arduous process of opening a restaurant. They even flew in from South Korea to consult on the restaurant’s design and demonstrate the art behind their signature dishes. It took roughly six months, but the Jangs finally opened the doors to Wudon last November — and in doing so made it abundantly clear what we’ve been missing.

Wudon is nothing short of dazzling, a fact that is apparent the moment you walk through the restaurant’s front door and are hit with the glorious smell of sizzling meat and whole garlic cloves. That is, of course, assuming you get through those front doors.

Since opening three months ago in the Castillions Arcade riverfronttimes.com

Plaza, a vintage strip mall at the intersection of Olive and Fee Fee, Wudon has developed quite a following among the area’s Korean community. The crowd means you’ll be bumping into other patrons, hovering over the tables as others eat and risking a burn as servers rush by with the searing hot griddles they regularly change out from the tables. (A much wiser plan? Give Moon your name and number so she can call when your table is ready, then head over to the Pink Galleon next door for a Busch Light and the soothing sounds of Quad City DJs.) This bustling scene, however, contributes to Wudon’s festive atmosphere, as do the K-pop videos that play from the restaurant’s flatscreen televisions. The energy carries through to the artwork covering the wood-paneled walls.

Moon is a trained artist, and her

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WUDON Continued from pg 37 black, red and white pop art paintings are simply stunning.

Every table at Wudon is outfitted with a round, recessed grill in its center, though that shouldn’t deter you from ordering the nonbarbecue dishes. Wudon’s mandu, Korea’s version of pot stickers, are savory pork- and onionfilled pillows; the wrappers are so delicate you can see through them, and when they crisp up just around the edges, they give the dish touch of crunch.

Fried chicken wings impress in their simplicity. Though we’ve become accustomed to seeing Korean fried chicken covered in gochujang, these are served without sauce, allowing the succulent meat and crispy breaded skin to take center stage.

Wudon’s seafood pancake is perfection of the form. Flour batter, studded with green onion and tender calamari, is as delicate as a crepe and crisps just around the outside. The squid is so fresh it flavors the dish with just a whisper, as do the almost-sweet green onions — this subtlety is its success.

As at any Korean feast, guests at Wudon are treated to a kaleidoscope of banchan, or small dishes served gratis. Here, they are impossibly fresh: crisp cabbage kimchi, snappy bean sprouts, ginger-scented root vegetables, funky fish cakes. You could leave Wudon satisfied after having only tasted the banchan and appetizers.

But then you would be missing out on the show-stopping barbecue, the aroma luring you in like a siren song. Wudon offers various cuts of beef and pork, although the combination platter gives you a chance to sample several different

The dining room features pop art by co-owner Moon Jang. | MABEL SUEN

At first we marveled that we might not even make a dent in the generous heap of pork jowl. We finished every last morsel.

styles and cuts. Ours featured four types of meat, including thin strips of prime ribeye so vibrant and well-marbled it could be an advertisement for a high-end butcher shop.

Our platter also contained Wudon’s galbi, or boneless marinated short ribs. They had the characteristic sweet-soy taste, but here it avoids coming across as cloying, as can sometimes be the case. Here the marinade proved a restrained enhancement to the meat — not an in-your-face flavor in itself.

The pork component of our beef and pork combo also did not

disappoint. Strips of rosy-hued pork belly are about a foot long, the thickness of quadruple-cut bacon and, after it’s cooked, the texture of butter. How something so wonderful can be overshadowed is hard to fathom, but the hunks of pork jowl that also come with the platter may do just that. Like its Italian brethren guanciale, the melt-in-the-mouth meat is like pork belly with an exclamation point on it. When we were first served the platter, we marveled that we might not even make a dent in the generous heap of jowl.

We finished every last morsel.

Alongside the meat extrava-

Mi Lindo Michoacan M E X I C A N R E S TA U R A N T & F U L L B A R

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Co-owners Moon and Victor Jang moved here from New York City to follow their dream. | MABEL SUEN ganza, Wudon serves a custard-like egg soufflé that makes you wonder how the French cornered the market on egg dishes. Tofu soup, another worthy side dish, is a steaming bowl of mildly funky fish-infused broth that teems with creamy tofu and vegetables. The dish’s subtle chili spice isn’t at first apparent, but gently taps the back of the throat with warmth.

With such magnificent tabletop barbecue, it might be tempting to skip the house specialties that are prepared in the kitchen. Don’t.

Wudon’s version of osam-bulgolgi, or spicy squid and pork belly, is revelatory. When you order it, your server will bring out a burner, then place a blazing hot cauldron filled with the concoction on top. Though it comes to the table cooked, the continual heat allows the flavors to concentrate even further, resulting in a thick, stew-

like concoction. The pork flavors the squid, the squid flavors the pork, and the sweet and umami gochujang sauce soaks up both. Be careful that you’re tending to the barbecue on the other burner — the osam-bulgolgi is likely to make you forget about anything else.

That’s the thing about Wudon: At such a perfect restaurant, you’re likely to get so engrossed in the meal that you forget where you are — or that there ever was a time when such Korean barbecue perfection was missing from this town. Thankfully, those problems are now in the past. The Jangs have St. Louis covered. n

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

39

40

SHORT ORDERS

[SIDE DISH]

How Samantha Pretto Found Her Kitchen Calling Written by

CHERYL BAEHR

S

amantha Pretto of the Dark Room (3610 Grandel Square; 314-531-3416) was admittedly adrift following high school, working as a jewelry saleswoman at the now-defunct catalog showroom retailer Service Merchandise. She wasn’t clear on what she wanted to do with her life.

That all changed when she became pregnant with her daughter.

Needing extra income, Pretto got a job as a delivery driver for Cecil Whittaker’s Pizza and found herself drawn to the restaurant industry.

“There was something that just appealed to me about it,” Pretto explains. “I eventually started making pizzas and then worked my way to the line and discovered that I was a damn good lady line cook.”

Pretto had a wealth of experience to draw from. The middle child of six, with two parents who worked outside the home, Pretto found herself taking the lead on managing the household. “Somebody had to cook and help tame the kids,” Pretto laughs. “I started watching my mom and dad and stepmom and just caught on.”

Pretto continued to work a series of jobs as a line cook, though she didn’t feel them leading toward anything. Her wake-up call came in 2014 when her dad passed away.

“I was working a dead-end job at a restaurant and decided that I needed to figure out what I was doing with my life,” recalls Pretto.

“I was tired of making the wrong choices and dragging a kid along

40

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Executive chef Samantha Pretto is excited about the Dark Room’s new digs, located inside the Grandel Theatre. | SARAH FENSKE with me in the process. So I decided I would get my life together.”

To get serious about cooking, Pretto took a job at the Scottish Arms, where she trained under chef Carl Hazel. “I just saw how serious he was about food, and it rubbed off on me,” she says. There, her eyes opened to what it meant to be a chef, and she knew she’d found her calling.

Pretto worked at the Scottish Arms for two and a half years before taking on her current role as executive chef at the Dark Room, which is preparing to open again soon in a new, bigger location at the Grandel Theatre, just around the corner from its original home on Grand Avenue.

“I just stop and think that here I am, an executive chef at a place I love, where everyone involved cares about my well-being,” Pretto says.

“Once I found what I wanted to do, I’ve been fail-proof. I’ve finally hit my stride.”

Pretto took a break from the Dark Room and her signature Wednesday gnocchi program to share her thoughts on the St. Louis dining scene.

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

riverfronttimes.com

What is one thing people don’t know about you that you wish they did?

I’m an introvert. I like the idea of being out and getting all dressed and ready to just stay in the comforts of my home.

What daily ritual is nonnegotiable for you?

My morning ritual — coffee, cigarettes and Wendy Williams.

If you could have any superpower, what would it be?

Teleportation, so I can be wherever I want when I want.

What is the most positive thing in food, wine or cocktails that you’ve noticed in St. Louis over the past year?

Diversity. There are so many ethnicities and cultures in St. Louis.

I’m proud to be a part of the many different cuisines we have here.

Who is your St. Louis food crush?

Bernie Lee of Hiro Asian Kitchen.

Who’s the one person to watch right now in the St. Louis dining scene?

Keep an eye on what the Dark Room and Kranzberg Arts Foundation have coming in the future; it will blow a few minds. And

keep your eyes on me — there’s so much to come.

Which ingredient is most representative of your personality?

Crushed red pepper. That’s me to a T — flaky and hot.

If you weren’t working in the restaurant business, what would you be doing?

I’d probably be in Oregon with the rest of my friends, cultivating.

Name an ingredient never allowed in your kitchen.

Two things: The first is margarine and the second is ranch dressing.

A microwave isn’t allowed either.

What is your after work hangout?

The Original Crusoe’s & Patrick McKeane’s Pub. What’s your food or beverage guilty pleasure?

I have so many guilty pleasures.

Little Debbie snacks, Lay’s chips, Totino’s pizza.

What would be your last meal on earth?

A 64-oz. “Mangosteen Madness” smoothie from Smoothie King, a waffle from the Waffle House, a salad from Garvey’s, Syberg’s wings and a can of Cherry Pepsi with a n cup of ice.

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The Jersey Shore Meets Maplewood Written by

KELLY GLUECK

G

ood things come to those who wait.

Even three hours after opening its doors for the first time on February 4, Boardwalk Waffles and Ice Cream (7326B Manchester Road, Maplewood) had a line wrapped around the building. It’s not hard to see why: The irresistible smell of freshly made Belgian waffles was enough to seduce any passerby.

The counter-service shop sells two things and two things only: Jersey Shore-style waffles and ice cream. You can order each option solo or, more excitingly, combine them for a waffle sandwich.

Sandwiches come in three sizes: Full (two waffles, four scoops), half (one waffle, two scoops) and single (half a waffle, one scoop).

Coffee, juice and soft drinks are also available.

The fluffy, made-to-order Belgian waffles are perfectly complimented by a selection of sixteen flavors of ice cream, made by Webster Groves-based Serendipity.

The shop is the brainchild of Eric and Laurie Moore, the St. Louis Business Journal reports.

Eric, who previously worked for Saint Louis Bread Co., grew up on the East Coast and enjoyed the waffle-and-ice-cream combos that are popular on the Jersey Shore. Fittingly, the walls are lined with black-and-white photos of the boardwalk and its amusements.

There isn’t much seating available in the 600-square-foot shop, which was previously (briefly) the home to the second outpost of I Scream Cakes. The storefront has a small bay window lined with benches, which may provide a place to put up your feet on a less busy day.

But on the Saturday afternoon we visited, most customers made do with standing. No complaints here: Our waffle sandwich was gone long before we could even think about sitting.

Ice cream in February — who knew that would be a treat worth waiting for? n

[FOOD NEWS]

FOR CITYGARDEN, A KALDI’S Written by

SARAH FENSKE

T

he beautiful glass-enclosed space at downtown’s CityGarden that previously held Death in the Afternoon will now be a Kaldi’s Coffee — offering brunch and lunch food as well as cold-brew coffee, sparking teas and cocktails.

The space, at 808 Chestnut Street, has held three concepts since CityGarden opened in 2009, alternating between fancy and casual: Terrace View, the Chili Bowl and then the highly acclaimed Death in the Afternoon, which closed in November. The space has been a popular lunch destination amongst the suits who office downtown, but has had a difficult time balancing that crowd with the families who flock to CityGarden on the weekend.

Kaldi’s hopes to serve both.

Good Fortune has been testing its spin on Chinese cuisine at a series of pop-ups and special events. | CORY MILLER “Our hope is to catch the morning and lunch crowds from downtown,” explains Frank McGinty, director of mar[FOOD NEWS] keting and culinary development for Kaldi’s. “We’re also planning on using this as our test kitchen to introduce new food and drink items that will then roll out at our other cafes.” ood Fortune wants to disrupt “We’re going to focus on the Dinner” with more than twelve Kaldi’s says it hopes to open the the Chinese food game. And traditional methods — making courses. space next month — in time for the St. this summer, it plans to do our own soy sauce, fish sauce and “We’re really lucky to have a Louis Cardinals’ opening day in April. just that in its new home fermenting our own black garlic,” lot of talented people in St. Louis,” “We are proud to call St. Louis home at 1654 Tower Grove in he says.

Brazell says. “With the wait we and have looked for a downtown space Botanical Heights.

“We just want to keep it simple had, we were able to do these cool for a few years to really cement that The restaurant is the brainchild with the ingredients, the suppliers events. We like to do things our relationship. We were ecstatic to hear of Bob Brazell, Ryan McDonald and and customers,” Smale says. “We own way, and let the [events] give from the Gateway Foundation about Hana Chung of Byrd & Barrel and want to know what they want some clues about what we do…and putting a Kaldi’s into the park,” says Corey Smale of Strange Donuts. from a restaurant. In some ways the skill level of [McDonald and Tricia Zimmer Ferguson, the owner of Almost a year ago, the quartet it’s more simple than ever but Chung]. I’m not bashful in saying Kaldi’s Coffee. announced their plans to open sometimes you have to do a lot of we’re setting out to cook some of Kaldi’s is promising renovations, an “Chinese-Americanese” spot in hard work to get to a good result.” the best food in the city.” which include a longer bar — now fothe Central West End. Plans have The Good Fortune dream team, Smale and McDonald have other cused on coffee instead of the craft shifted south in what Brazell calls which also includes architect projects cooking as well. They’ll cocktails for which Death in the Aftera “blessing in disguise.”

Gabe McKee, artist JP Burcks, and soon be releasing a print magazine noon was known. The coffee company “It’s definitely evolved … We photographer Cory Miller, spent entitled fmlymeal, named after is also bringing back a sculpture previended up with a location that we the last ten months trying out ideas the meal a restaurant crew ously on site — Adam and Eve, by Niki really love, and we bought the and networking with both chefs enjoys together before customers de Saint Phalle. building,” Brazell says. and the public. Throughout 2016, arrive. With a 100-copy print “We’re always looking to include T h e 1 , 4 9 6 - s q u a r e - f o o t they collaborated with a variety of run, the first issue will include a pop of color in our cafes, and with standalone building is near Tower partners for pop-ups and events, essays and insights from inside Citygarden’s help, we are doing so in a Grove and Lafayette, just one block including Rockwell Beer Company, the industry, written primarily big way here,” Ferguson says in a prefrom Ben Poremba’s acclaimed Float STL and Chef Brian Moxey of by Good Fortune’s friends around pared statement.

Elaia and Olio. Thanks to those two Brasserie. They also catered the St. Louis. The team hopes that, On February 4, a new Kaldi’s opened restaurants, along with Poremba’s VIP food offerings at LouFest. by highlighting often-overlooked in the Gerhart building, at Vandeventer Nixta, La Patisserie Choquette and The Good Fortune team has places and issues, they can and Laclede. Kaldi’s is also planning Union Loafers, the neighborhood more unique events planned persuade people to go to cool spots new locations in 2017 on the campus once known as McRee Town has before their anticipated opening around the city they wouldn’t of the Washington University Medical become a major dining destination. in July. On February 24 and 25 they otherwise consider.

School and at the Euclid, at the corner Even as the location has are teaming up with Chef Mike Good Fortune doesn’t have a of Euclid and West Pine in the Central changed, Brazell says, the team’s Randolph (Randolfi’s, Público, concrete opening date yet, but West End. That’s the same developplans for food offerings have Half and Half), for a small-scale hopes to open this July. ment slated to feature the city’s first shifted, too.

Escoffier-inspired “Diversion — Nick Fierro n Shake Shack. riverfronttimes.com FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017 RIVERFRONT TIMES 43

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FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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MUSIC

45

[PREVIEW]

Straight Outta Chicago Rapper Noname brings her electrifying show to St. Louis Written by

TARA MAHADEVAN Noname 8 p.m. Saturday, February 25. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Avenue. $15. 314833-3929.

F

atimah Warner whips around so her back is to the audience and bends on one knee. A man emerges from backstage, a sequined cape in hand, and places it on her shoulders. The stage lights illuminate the crimson cape and the satin circle on it bearing her stage name in white bejeweled lettering — Noname.

When she stands and turns around, a pair of red-tinted glasses sit on her face. Suddenly she belts out the hook to the Isley Brothers’ “Contagious.” “You’re contagious, touch me baby, give me what you got.” The audience chimes in, a mass of voices singing along with the Chicago rapper. It’s the first night of her tour, in her hometown — a concert that sold out so quickly, she had to add a second show.

Noname and her audience are celebrating the release of her long-awaited mixtape Telefone.

She started promoting the tentrack debut three years ago, but before the January 2016 release of its first single, “All I Need,” she made her name solely as a guest on other artists’ songs. Much of her acclaim came through her features on Chance the Rapper’s 2013 track “Lost” and Mick Jenkins’ 2014 song “Comfortable.” Word of mouth only increased the anticipation.

Noname grew up on the south side of Chicago. She lived with her grandparents until she was around fourteen, when she moved in with

Noname, born Fatimah Walker, likes the ambiguity of her moniker: “Noname can be anything.” | PRESS PHOTO VIA THE BILLIONS CORPORATION

her mother. Though her mother owned a bookstore, Noname credits her interest in writing to a variety of influences, including a high school creative writing teacher, Toni Morrison’s novel The Bluest Eye and her own self-guided discovery of spoken word.

“Honestly, I was watching a lot of Def Poetry Jam videos on YouTube and was like, ‘Oh man, this is cool, this art form of spoken word. I’m into it,’” Noname explains. “Then I went off on that tangent.”

Around that time, she became involved in YOUmedia, and later Young Chicago Authors — spaces that foster youth creativity and expression through performancebased arts. Those organizations have helped develop the artistry of some of Chicago’s best-known emerging artists, including Chance, Mick and Saba.

For Noname, YOUmedia became the tipping point. It was there she met Mike Hawkins, or Brother Mike, one of YOUmedia’s first mentors.

He was the first person who heard her rap and freestyle, she says, and his support emboldened her.

“He was like an uncle to me,” she says. “Just encouraging me as a young black person in Chicago, like, ‘Yo, I know that things are messed up and it’s hard — it’s hard being young and it’s hard being in certain spaces, but you are lovable and you are valuable… If you don’t want to do poetry, if you don’t want to do art or if you’re not interested in school in the same way that kids around you are, you are still a very, very lovable, important and valuable spirit.’”

Brother Mike passed away in December 2014. She pays tribute to him on “Yesterday,” the first cut off riverfronttimes.com

Telefone, a soul- and jazz-infused track where she reminisces about the past. “Me missing Brother Mike, like something heavy / Me heart just wasn’t ready / I wish I was a kid again.”

But while the Chicago rapper is poetic, she doesn’t consider herself a poet. Her music is a sincere portrayal of her reality: She speaks truthfully about her surroundings and what affects her as a black woman and Chicagoan, her message straddling a throughline that is both personal and specific to her hometown.

“I guess I do, in a lot of ways, have a responsibility to the city, but also as a black person, just [writing] based on shit that affects me,” Noname says. “I moreso talk about police brutality in my music; I don’t tend to talk that much about Continued on pg 46 what people

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

RIVERFRONT TIMES

45

NONAME Continued from pg 45

Noname. | PRESS PHOTO VIA THE BILLIONS CORPORATION call black-on-black crime. That’s something that obviously affects the fuck out of me. I think some people take it as me standing up for a cause, or trying to be a conscious rapper or something like that, which I really don’t consider myself.”

On Telefone, Noname creates an equilibrium between positivity and realism. Her track “Forever” is rosy, its beat bouncing and twinkling — a testament to selfbelief, to remaining hopeful, in the face of opposition. Songs like “Casket Pretty” and “Shadow Man” are vividly somber tracks about death, the latter featuring verses from Saba and St. Louis’ own Smino, in which all three consider their own funerals.

“It’s just life. As much as you want to be positive and want to not think about the death of people that you love, realistically, if you’re living in a city where people who look like you are being targeted, you can’t not be a realist,” Noname says. “But on the other end, I definitely don’t want to spend my whole life just being afraid of death. It’s constantly worrisome.

“But it’s like anything: You’re going to have your good days and you’re going to have your bad days,” she continues. “You’re going to have your days where you’re like, ‘I’m fuckin’ wit the world, I’m fuckin’ wit myself,’ and then you’re going to have your days where you’re like, ‘Fuck the world. They killing everybody who look like me. Fuck ‘em.’”

Telefone is a conversation between Noname and her fans.

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

riverfronttimes.com

An intensely private person, she doesn’t like giving interviews; she lets her music speak for her. And as her stage name suggests, she has an enigmatic quality. Of her moniker, she says, “I just like the idea of not being tied down to any sort of thing — any sort of category, any sort of aesthetic or occupation.

Noname can be anything. I just like the idea — if I wanted to, I can do anything. I’m not tied down to an ideal.”

Before Noname took the stage, props were brought out: a lamp, end table, chair and a half-consumed bottle of Maker’s Mark. They’re items from her mother’s house — Noname wants the stage to feel like home. It’s her way of giving fans a peek behind the curtain. Selections from Lena Horne films and shots of Do The Right Thing’s Radio Raheem are projected on the stage’s back wall, as well as tweets dating back to the long wait for Telefone, fans lamenting the fact that the project might never be ready.

On stage, Noname surprises us all, the wit and charm she wields with her pen fully alive in the flesh. In front of 1,100 people, her performance is somehow intimate — she exudes warmth. Her show is a house party and jam session with her closest friends: Mick, Phoelix, Smino, Brian Sanborn, and openers Akenya and Ravyn Lenae.

During the entirety of Noname’s 45-minute set, the crowd doesn’t stop roaring. Her smile widens, her hands reaching to clasp over her heart, as the audience sings every song, word-for-word, back to her. n

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THE HAUNT

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D

avid Beeman has spent most of his adult life working in the music industry. He’s served as a roadie, tour manager and sound man for indie-rock tours both big and small; he’s a founder and part-owner of the Cherokee neighborhood’s Native Sound Studio; and as the driving force behind Old Lights, he’s been the leader of a respected local group. But on December 31, 2016, the 36-year-old did something he hadn’t done in many years: sing his own songs in front of a live audience.

This was no mere open mic night, either. Beeman and his band performed for an 800-person sold-out crowd at Delmar Hall for Pokey LaFarge’s New Year’s Eve bash.

LaFarge, who had just wrapped recording his upcoming album Manic Revelations at Native Sound with Beeman serving as engineer and co-producer, offered him the gig in early December, leaving him little time to assemble a band to recreate his lush and woozy songs.

Over drinks at the Whiskey Ring in early February, Beeman reflects on that opening slot, which capped a busy and tumultuous year.

“It was one of the most freeing experiences in forever,” Beeman says of the performance, which saw the singer and guitarist backed by seven other musicians.

“My personal life has gone through a lot of changes; career-wise I’ve been working my ass off and doing everything I possibly can with music, either in the studio or on tour.”

After that high-profile gig, Beeman started 2017 in earnest, releasing Slow Fade, a four-song EP, on Bandcamp on January 1 (a cassette tape of the songs will be available at a release concert on February 24 at Off Broadway). On this EP, Beeman reasserts himself as one of St. Louis’ foremost pop-song craftsmen after a long hiatus from airing his songs publicly — and a busy few years as engineer and producer for dozens of local albums.

The opening track “Thoroughbred” is a post-partum ballad that finds Beeman at his most languorous, intoxicated by the heavy tread of piano chords and emboldened by the rush of resonant synthesizers. The next song, “How Do You Fool Someone,” uses much the same palette — and some of the same accusations and mea culpas — but pulses with a manic, jittery energy.

“There’s a little bit of a mystical element to the first two songs on the tape,” he says. “I was writing things that I sensed, that hadn’t happened. And then they did happen. I don’t know how to think of that. I don’t think of myself as a teller of the future, but it raises questions of things I sense. Do I desire it to be this way? Why am I writing this song?”

Fans of Beeman’s earlier work will recognize much of the technique and approach on Slow Fade. He made his entrance to the St. Louis music scene with Every Night Begins the Same, a largely self-recorded album he released under the name Old Lights. That album laid out the important weapons in Beeman’s arsenal: winning pop hooks, attention to sonic set-dressing and analog tonality, and a twin edge of romantic hopefulness and debilitating self-doubt. After a few personnel

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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changes (which, in full disclosure, saw this writer as a brief member), Old Lights settled on its most lasting and potent lineup, with Kit Hamon, Beth Bombara and John Joern — all singers and songwriters in their own right — playing alongside Beeman. That group’s 2011 EP Like Strangers was the last we had heard from Beeman the songwriter until this year.

Old Lights still has a place in Beeman’s heart — the band name still graces the house kick-drum at Native Sound — but he hasn’t returned to those songs in performance. “I was proud of that band and my relationships with those people, but I’m not interested in that at all,” says Beeman. “It was a different time, it was a growing period. That era has nothing to do with me now.”

Beeman’s upcoming gig at Off Broadway will be the last time to see him and his band on stage for a spell.

In March he’ll be back on the road serving as a sound engineer for Father John Misty, a job he’s had for the past few years and one that keeps him away from home for months at a time.

“I love the day-to-day of being on tour,” explains Beeman. “I have a job to do, I’m part of a team, I know what I’m supposed to do, I know how to do it. When I think about touring, I think about routine, and then I think about why, when I’m home, am I all over the place emotionally and totally insane? I have no routine.”

While Beeman is on tour, his partners at Native Sound, Will Godfred and Ben Majchrzak, will hold down the fort. In conversation, Beeman makes it clear that his work as an engineer, more so than a performer or indie-rock road warrior, brings him lasting satisfaction.

“Local bands fully pay the bills,” he says. “With that said, we have an advertised rate, but we will record any band for whatever they can afford. I live here and love it here, and a lot of great artists are fucking broke. They deserve to make a great-sounding record and work with people who give a shit.”

Beeman carries that same drive into his solo project as well; as the Father John Misty touring cycle allows, he plans on taking his band on the road.

“I’m compelled to do it because it just feels so good,” Beeman says. “I don’t care if anybody shows up. All of my best friends are in the band.” –Christian Schaeffer

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FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

RIVERFRONT TIMES

49

50

OUT EVERY NIGHT

WEDNESDAY 15

KINGDOM BROTHERS: 7 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz,

Webster Groves, 314-968-0061.

ADAM DEVINE: 7 p.m., $35-$40. The Pageant,

Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-

OLD SALT UNION: 9 p.m., $10-$12. Old Rock

6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

436-5222.

House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

SATURDAY 18

ANGELICA GARCIA: 8 p.m., $10. Off Broadway,

THE LILLINGTONS: w/ The Mopes, The Manges,

SHAPES: w/ Tre Serpenti, The Right Hooks 8

ANDY BLACK: w/ William Control, Palaye Royale

3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

Even In Blackouts, Hospital Job 7 p.m., $12.

p.m., $10. Cicero’s, 6691 Delmar Blvd., Univer-

7 p.m., $22.50-$25. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar

BAND OF HEATHENS: 8 p.m., $13-$15. Old Rock

Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

sity City, 314-862-0009.

Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

LUCKY OLD SONS: 7 p.m., free. Hwy 61 Road-

STING: w/ Joe Sumner, The Last Bandoleros 8

BARBERSHOP BATTLE: 8 p.m., $10-$15. The

BIG RICH MCDONOUGH & RHYTHM RENEGADES: 7

house and Kitchen, 34 S Old Orchard Ave,

p.m., $104-$164. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar

Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis,

Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broad-

314-833-3929.

way, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

BENEFIT FOR TIM MCFARLAND: w/ Lyluth 6 p.m.,

BOB “BUMBLE BEE” KAMOSKE: 8 p.m. Beale on Broadway, 701 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-

$10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-

[CRITIC’S PICK]

9050.

7880.

ELLIS PAUL: 8 p.m., $20. Off Broadway, 3509

COLONY HOUSE: 8 p.m., $14-$16. Blueberry Hill -

Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University

HYPER TENSIONS: w/ Shitstorm, Backwash,

City, 314-727-4444.

Pono AM 9 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423 South

ERIN SCHREIBER & LINDSAY GARRITSON: 8 p.m.,

Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

$15-$30. The Sheldon, 3648 Washington Blvd.,

MICHAEL IAN BLACK: 7 & 10 p.m., $25. The Fire-

St. Louis, 314-533-9900.

bird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353.

JOSH GARRETT BAND: 10 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz,

MICHAEL IAN BLACK: 7 & 10 p.m., $25. The Fire-

Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-

bird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353.

436-5222.

SKEET RODGERS & INNER CITY BLUES BAND: 10

WILLIAM PAULEY BENEFIT SHOW: w/ The Poor-

p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broad-

house Says, Zach’s Wraith 8 p.m., $10. The

way, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St. Louis,

THE BUMP & HUSTLE NO. 55: w/ Mophono, DJ

314-833-3929.

Makossa 9 p.m., $5. Blank Space, 2847 Cherokee St., St. Louis.

THURSDAY 16

TOM HALL: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups,

DOROTHY: 8 p.m., $12.50-$15. Blueberry Hill -

700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

The Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Blvd., University

THE U-TURNS: 9 p.m., free. Pat Connolly Tavern,

City, 314-727-4444.

6400 Oakland Ave., St. Louis, 314-647-7287.

JOE METZKA BAND: 7 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues

VOODOO TALKING HEADS: w/ Sean Canan’s Voo-

& Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-

doo Players 9 p.m., $10. Old Rock House, 1200

5222.

S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

JOHN SUTTON BAND: 10 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-

SUNDAY 19

5222.

BON JOVI: 6 p.m., $27.75-$137.75. Scottrade

KIM MASSIE: 10:30 p.m., $10. Beale on Broad-

Center, 1401 Clark Ave., St. Louis, 314-241-

way, 701 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-7880.

1888.

MAGIC BEANS: 8 p.m., $10. Old Rock House,

FRANCES & THE FOUNDATION: w/ The Static

1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314-588-0505.

Vibe 8 p.m., $8-$10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St.

WILLIAM CLARK GREEN: 8 p.m., $10. Off Broad-

Louis, 314-289-9050.

way, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

GEMINI SYNDROME: 7 p.m., $16-$18. The Fire-

WORDS LIKE DAGGERS: 6 p.m., $10-$12. Fubar,

Valerie june. | DANNY CLINCH

3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

YOUNG MA: 8 p.m., $25-$50. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

BEZZ BELIEVE: w/ Jade, Sizzle, Beastkingz, Don Dizy 9 p.m., $15. The Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353.

CURTIS SALGADO BAND: 10 p.m., $15. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314436-5222.

DIRTY BOMBSHELL: 7 p.m., free. Way Out Club, 2525 S. Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-664-7638.

GATEWAY PET GUARDIAN’S 4TH ANNUAL LES BOONDOGGLE BALL 2017: w/ Stone in Love, The VCRs 7 p.m., $35-$40. Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

GORD’S GOLD: A TRIBUTE TO GORDON LIGHTFOOT: 8 p.m., $10. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

50

RIVERFRONT TIMES

Blueberry Hill Duck Room, 6504 Delmar Boulevard. $17 to $20. 314-727-2277.

Authenticity may be one of the most overrated critical concepts, but honesty isn’t. With her reedy but warmly cooing voice, eerie gospel rhythms and melodies that could make the Carter Family swoon, Valerie June is one of the freshest and most genuine artists in Americana music. It’s been four years since her breakthrough record Pushing Against the Stone, and since then she’s recorded stray

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

riverfronttimes.com

GENE DOBBS BRADFORD CONCERT: 2 p.m., $15.

BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St.

Valerie June 8 p.m. Saturday, February 18.

FRIDAY 17

bird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353.

Louis, 314-436-5222.

tracks, written for heroes including Mavis Staples and honed her elusive soul-twang style. This year finally sees the release of a follow-up, The Order of Time, an album at once philosophical and physical, with June charging ahead into rockabilly and spacious chamber-folk with absolute mettle and, yes, honesty.

Raw but Right: Whether she’s plucking at a banjo or scratching at a Les Paul guitar, June always searches for the moment when musical borders come down.

— Roy Kasten

LILY AND MADELEINE: w/ the Leonas 8 p.m., $12. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-773-3363.

LOVE JONES “THE BAND”: 8 p.m., $10. BB’s Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-5222.

MESSAGE TO THE MASSES: w/ Altered Perceptions, My Heart To Fear 6 p.m., $10-$12.

Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-289-9050.

MIKE DOUGHTY: w/ Wheatus 8 p.m., $18-$20.

Old Rock House, 1200 S. 7th St., St. Louis, 314588-0505.

RESONANT ROGUES: w/ TJ Muller, Jeremy Joyce 8 p.m., 8pm. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100.

SOUL REUNION: 10:30 p.m., $7. Beale on Broadway, 701 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-7880.

MARDI GRAS FEB 25

Produced in association with

RED BULL

[CRITIC’S PICK]

Ikue Mori. | HEUNG HEUNG CHIN

Ikue Mori and Nate Wooley 8 p.m. Saturday, February 18.

The Luminary, 2701 Cherokee Street. $20. 314-7731533.

The long-running New Music Circle has spent more than 50 years not just challenging and engaging its audiences but forging new musical partnerships with iconoclastic artists as well. This week the Circle hosts individual and collaborative performances by Ikue Mori and Nate Wooley; their sets will seek both contrast and commonality between acoustic and electronic instruments.

Mori, a Tokyo native and longtime performer in New York’s avant-garde, works primarily with computers and samplers. Wooley is a trumpet player who experiments with technique as well as technology, using amplification systems to further alter his instrument.

Words & Music: Wooley released two instrumental albums in 2016 inspired by works of literature some 2,000 years apart: the story of Jason and the Argonauts and Thomas Merton’s The Seven Storey Mountain.

— Christian Schaeffer

MONDAY 20

KIM MASSIE: 10:30 p.m., $10. Beale on Broad-

MUSIC UNLIMITED: 8 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues

way, 701 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-621-7880.

& Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-

SLEEP SIGNALS: w/ Guns Out At Sundown 6

5222.

p.m., $10. Fubar, 3108 Locust St, St. Louis, 314-

RIVER KITTENS: w/ Handmade Moments 9 p.m.,

289-9050.

free. Off Broadway, 3509 Lemp Ave., St. Louis,

ST. LOUIS SOCIAL CLUB: 8:30 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz,

314-773-3363.

Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-

SOULARD BLUES BAND: 9 p.m., $5. Broadway

436-5222.

Oyster Bar, 736 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-

YOU BLEW IT!: w/ All Get Out, Free Throw 8

621-8811.

p.m., $13-$15. Blueberry Hill - The Duck Room,

THIRD SIGHT BAND: 8 p.m., $5. BB’s Jazz, Blues

6504 Delmar Blvd., University City, 314-727-

& Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis, 314-436-

4444.

5222.

TUESDAY 21

THIS JUST IN

ANTHONY BROWN: w/ Travis Greene, Jonathan

BODY PRESSURE: W/ Pryss, Skin Tags, My

McReynolds 8 p.m., $32-$46.50. Peabody Opera

Bloody Underwear, Bubbleheads, Thu., March

House, 1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

23, 8 p.m., $5. Blank Space, 2847 Cherokee St.,

EDGEFIELD C. JOHNSTON DUO: w/ Michael How-

St. Louis.

ard 7 p.m., free. Evangeline’s, 512 N Euclid Ave,

BRANDY CLARK AND CHARLIE WORSHAM: Thu.,

St. Louis, 314-367-3644.

June 15, 8 p.m., $20-$23. Delmar Hall, 6133

JAMAICA LIVE TUESDAYS: w/ Ital K, Mr. Roots, DJ

Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-726-6161.

Witz, $5/$10. Elmo’s Love Lounge, 7828 Olive

BRUXISM 26: W/ ICE, Thu., March 30, 9 p.m.,

Blvd, University City, 314-282-5561.

free. Schlafly Tap Room, 2100 Locust St., St.

JOE PASTOR LEGACY JAZZ BAND: 6 p.m., $5. BB’s

Louis, 314-241-2337.

Jazz, Blues & Soups, 700 S. Broadway, St. Louis,

CAVEOFSWORDS: W/ Asumaya, Hands and Feet,

314-436-5222.

Big_Once

Red Bull Thre3style National Champion

WITH ST. LOUIS LEGENDS

DJ VThom | DJ Mahf | Nappy DJ Needles

ALL INCLUSIVE DRINKS - HEATED TENT - PRIVATE TOILETS

Tickets now on sale on eventbrite.com Duke’s Tent 2017 Like us on Facebook @ dukesinsoulard

Continued on pg 52

riverfronttimes.com

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

RIVERFRONT TIMES

51

FIND ANY SHOW

IN TOWN

rft ’ s online music listings are now

sortable by artist , venue and price . you can even buy tickets directly from our website

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RIVERFRONT TIMES

FEBRUARY 15-21, 2017

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THIS JUST IN Continued from pg 51 Sat., April 15, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly Tap Room,

buck, Sat., Feb. 25, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy An-

2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-2337.

chor, 5226 Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

CBGBBBQ BENEFIT FOR PLANNED PARENTHOOD:

KODAK BLACK: Sun., March 26, 8 p.m., $35-$45.

W/ The Vigilettes, DinoFight!, Buttercup, Middle

The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-

Class Fashion, Sat., March 25, 7 p.m., free. CBGB,

726-6161.

3163 S. Grand Blvd., St. Louis.

LIVING BODY: W/ Town Cars, Le’Ponds, Mon.,

CHRIS TRULL: W/ Kingston Family Singers, Ghost

March 20, 9 p.m., $5. Foam Coffee & Beer, 3359

Ice, Larva, Thu., March 2, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly

Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100.

Tap Room, 2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-

LUCINDA WILLIAMS: Wed., April 26, 8 p.m., $30-

2337.

$35. The Pageant, 6161 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis,

COLFAX SPEED QUEEN: W/ Ned Garthe Explosion,

314-726-6161.

Drugs and Attics, Bruiser Queen, Mon., April 3,

MAGIC CITY: W/ Town Cars, Jane Wave, Justin

9 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway,

Johnson, Sat., Feb. 25, 9 p.m., $5. El Lenador,

St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

3124 Cherokee St., St. Louis, 314-771-2222.

CONDOR AND JAYBIRD: W/ Tara Terra, Francis,

MARC BENNO: Thu., March 30, 7 p.m., $10-$20.

Saturn V Rockets, Sun., March 26, 9 p.m., $5.

Joe’s Cafe, 6014 Kingsbury Ave, St. Louis.

The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis,

MARINER ALBUM RELEASE SHOW: W/ Pope Adri-

314-328-2309.

an Bless, Kiiing Jones, Ackurate, Rec Riddles,

DESCENDENTS: Fri., Oct. 6, 8 p.m., $35-$37.50.

Tiny Glyder, Family Medicine, Doorway, Fri.,

Delmar Hall, 6133 Delmar Blvd., St. Louis, 314-

Feb. 24, 7 p.m., $5. Historic Lemp Brewery, 3500

726-6161.

Lemp Ave., St. Louis, 314-577-0405.

FAULTS AND WONDER: W/ Bella & Lily, Flying

METALLICA: Sun., June 4, 7 p.m., $55.50-$155.50.

House, Sat., Feb. 25, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly Tap

Busch Stadium, Broadway & Poplar St., St.

Room, 2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-2337.

Louis, 314-345-9600.

HORROR SECTION: W/ New Lives, The Radio

NAPPY ROOTS: Wed., March 8, 8 p.m., $15-$18.

Buzzkills, Secondary, Sat., Feb. 25, 8 p.m., $5.

The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester Ave, St.

San Loo, 3211 Cherokee St., St. Louis, 314-696-

Louis, 314-833-3929.

2888.

NORTH BY NORTH: W/ Slushwave, Middle Class

HYPER TENSIONS: W/ Shitstorm, Backwash, Pono

Fashion, Dear Genre, Sun., March 5, 8 p.m., $5.

AM, Sat., Feb. 18, 9 p.m., $5. The Sinkhole, 7423

The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St. Louis,

South Broadway, St. Louis, 314-328-2309.

314-328-2309.

INDIANA ROME: W/ Farout Taco Tour, St. Oeaux,

ODDSOUL AND THE SOUND: W/ Tom Forke, Thu.,

Q Hall, Apollo, Alexei Shaun, Tue., March 7, 7

March 16, 9 p.m., $7. The Heavy Anchor, 5226

p.m., $10. The Ready Room, 4195 Manchester

Gravois Ave., St. Louis, 314-352-5226.

Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

ONLY SOUND: W/ Gary Robert & Community, The

INFERNI: W/ I Could Sleep in the Clouds, Disney

Wilderness, Sat., March 18, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly

69, C is for Cadaver, Sun., March 5, 7 p.m., $5-

Tap Room, 2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-

$10. Kismet Creative Center, 3409 Iowa Ave., St.

2337.

Louis, 314-696-8177.

PARALANDRA: Sun., May 28, 6:30 p.m., $10. The

ISABEL REX: W/ Concentrator, Persh, Thu., Feb.

Firebird, 2706 Olive St., St. Louis, 314-535-0353.

23, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly Tap Room, 2100 Locust

PRINCE DADDY AND THE HYENA: W/ DinoFight!,

St., St. Louis, 314-241-2337.

Not Quite Nothing, Jouska, Mon., March 6, 7:30

JACK MCLAUGHLIN: W/ Bobby Stevens, Zack

p.m., $7. Kismet Creative Center, 3409 Iowa

Sloan, Wed., March 8, 8 p.m., TBA. San Loo,

Ave., St. Louis, 314-696-8177.

3211 Cherokee St., St. Louis, 314-696-2888.

RESONANT ROGUES: W/ TJ Muller, Jeremy Joyce,

THE JAG-WIRES: W/ We Party Portugal, Nicole

Sun., Feb. 19, 8 p.m., 8pm. Foam Coffee & Beer,

Grace, Fri., March 24, 9 p.m., free. Schlafly Tap

3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-2100.

Room, 2100 Locust St., St. Louis, 314-241-2337.

ROCKING UNDER THE RADAR MUSIC FESTIVAL:

JAMES MCCARTNEY: W/ David Beeman, Mon.,

W/ Brian Andrew Marek, Keokuk, Soma Jet Set,

April 17, 7:30 p.m., $15-$20. Foam Coffee &

Mariner 5, The Deciders, Nick Barbieri, Rough

Beer, 3359 Jefferson Ave., St. Louis, 314-772-

Shop, Diesel Island, The Lettuce Heads, Accele-

2100.

rando, Sun., April 9, noon, $7-$10. The Bootleg,

JASON ISBELL AND THE 400 UNIT: Wed., July 12,

4140 Manchester Ave., St. Louis, 314-775-0775.

7:30 p.m., $31.50-$46.50. Peabody Opera House,

SHOOTDANG: W/ John Underwood, Copper

1400 Market St, St. Louis, 314-241-1888.

Iscariot, C is for Cadaver, Matthew Batson, Sun.,

JOHN DONOVAN AND THE RUBY TROUPE: W/ Dutch

March 19, 7 p.m., $5. San Loo, 3211 Cherokee

Courage, Melanie Meyer, Fri., April 21, 9 p.m.,

St., St. Louis, 314-696-2888.

free. Schlafly Tap Room, 2100 Locust St., St.

STURGILL SIMPSON: Thu., Sept. 21, 8 p.m., $28-

Louis, 314-241-2337.

$62.50. The Fox Theatre, 527 N. Grand Blvd., St.

JOYRYDE: Fri., May 12, 8 p.m., $5. 2720 Cherokee

Louis, 314-534-1111.

Performing Arts Center, 2720 Cherokee St, St.

TURKUAZ: W/ Organ Freeman, Thu., April 13, 8

Louis, 314-276-2700.

p.m., $13-$16. The Ready Room, 4195 Manches-

JUKEBOX ROMANTICS: W/ OC45, the Haddon-

ter Ave, St. Louis, 314-833-3929.

fields, Sweat Shoppe, Thu., March 23, 7:30 p.m.,

WOMEN’S SAFE HOUSE BENEFIT: W/ The Wilder-

$7. The Sinkhole, 7423 South Broadway, St.

ness, Sarah McCracken, Grave Neighbors, Ordi-

Louis, 314-328-2309.

nary Things, Sat., April 15, 8 p.m., $5-$10. San

KEOKUK: W/ Consiglio Sauer Eide, Tory Star-

Loo, 3211 Cherokee St., St. Louis, 314-696-2888.

SAVAGE LOVE PAIR OF ACES

BY DAN SAVAGE Hey, Dan: I’ve been reading your advice column in the Coast in Halifax for a while, and it seems that most solutions to relationship problems revolve around sex. Everyone wants it or needs it, we should fuck before dinner, or we can spice up our sex life in this certain way to be happy. What about someone who doesn’t want to have sex, ever? I’ve asked other people for advice, and the answer is usually “take one for the team,” have sex to keep them happy. Is that the only way I could find happiness in a relationship? It’s not something I want to do — but at this point, I don’t see any other options.

All Alone Ace I’m a sex-advice columnist. Consequently, AAA, people tend to write me when sex (needing it, wanting it, getting it but not the kind you want, etc.) is the problem, and sex (in some new and improved form) is often-but-not-always the solution.

I also get and respond to questions from asexuals, and I’ve urged sexuals not to regard asexuals as defective — or, for that matter, to view committed-but-sexless relationships as defective. So long as both people in the relationship are content and happy, it’s a good and healthy and functional relationship, whether the sex is vanilla or spicy or nonexistent. Strictly companionate marriages can be good marriages.

As for “taking one for the team,” that’s not advice given only to asexuals. A woman who’s married to a foot fetishist, for instance, may be advised to “take one for the team” and let her husband perv on her feet. A vanilla guy married to a woman corrupted by Fifty Shades of Grey (it’s baaaaaack!) may be advised to “take one for the team” and tie the wife up once in a while.

And while there are certainly lots of asexuals out there taking one for the team — having sex to please/ keep/shut up their partners (or allowing their partners to seek sex elsewhere) — you know who doesn’t have to take one for the team, ever? Asexuals with other asexuals.

Dating another asexual is the other option, the obvious option, and may be the best option for you, AAA. A quick Google search brings up several asexual dating sites: Asexualitic.com, AsexualMatch. com, Ace-Book.net, AsexualPals. com. You can also choose to identify as asexual — and search for other asexuals — on mainstream dating sites like OkCupid and Match.

I can already hear you composing your response, AAA: Asexuals are just one percent of the population. Well, there are 400,000 people in Halifax, which means there are 3,999 other asexuals.

And good news! You’re not limited just to Halifax. There are 7.5 billion people on the planet. And 75 million of them are asexual!

Hey, Dan: I’m a 22-year-old lesbian living in Utah. I’m finally go-

ing back to college this fall. I have autism (high functioning), and I couldn’t handle going to school fulltime while working. Thus I will be stuck living at my parents’ house, as I couldn’t afford rent and living expenses on my own. The problem is, my parents are super Republican and religious. While I live at home, I can’t date (they are against me being gay), I can’t drink and I can’t watch movies with swears. They also force me to participate in daily scripture study, which I hate. I don’t know what to do. I can’t be myself or have any fun while I live at home because I’m afraid my parents will kick me out. But I can’t afford to move out, either. I’m shy and socially nervous, so I don’t have any friends who could help me out, and I can’t see living with roommates who are strangers. I’ll be 29 by the time I graduate, and I don’t want to live like this for that long. Any advice? Maybe I could work something out with my parents, but they are set in their ways and I don’t want to hurt them.

Under Their Authoritarian Homophobia If they were just enforcing “their rules” about booze in their house, that would be one thing. But requiring your adult daughter not to date anyone, or not to be a lesbian at all, is just mean. And leveraging their daughter’s autism and social isolation and economic dependence against her in order to control her?

Meaner still.

You say you don’t want to hurt your parents — you’re a good daughter — but it’s clear your shitty

53

parents don’t care if they hurt you.

Typically my advice would be to tell your mean and shitty parents what they want to hear — to feel free to lie to them under duress — and then lean on your friends, do your own thing outside of the house, and be careful not to get caught. But that’s not an option for you.

So you’ll have to ask yourself what you value more: freedom now or getting your degree sooner rather than later. If it’s your freedom, move out, get a job, go to community college, and take your time getting that degree. If it’s getting your degree before turning 30, knuckle under, spend a lot of late nights “studying in the library,” and go to the student resource center on your campus and ask if there are any campus services/support groups for students with autism or Asperger’s syndrome. Who knows?

You might meet some people who you could see yourself living with, as roommates and friends, and be able to get out of your parents’ house sooner rather than later.

P.S. You’re in Utah, UTAH. If there’s an LGBT student group on your campus, go to the meetings and share your story. You might meet a gay Mormon boy with parents like yours — shitty and mean — who could use a fake girlfriend until he graduates, and you could use a fake boyfriend until you move out of mom and dad’s.

Listen to Dan’s podcast at savagelovecast.com. mail@savagelove.net @fakedansavage on Twitter

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