By Jill Smolowe
If Memory Serves, Forgetting Isn't Unusual
Short-term memory can sometimes be in disarray (who is that actor?) causing worry to creep in Short-term memory can sometimes be in disarray (who is that actor?) causing worry to creep in During a recent (and these days rare) domestic social gathering, a friend asked for a piece of information that required me to consult the computer in my home office. When I returned to the living room, I realized that I'd left my glasses in my office. I made a U-turn, got distracted by something on my desktop screen, then returned to the gathering — again sans glasses. Frustrated, I made a third trip. "Cannot believe I just did that," I said. "Why not?" one of my friends responded. "I do it all the time." That was greeted by a round of knowing laughter. Despite the range in our ages, from late 50s to early 70s, all four of us are suffering memory slippages. "Do you have that thing where you can't remember if you already saw a movie on TV?" I asked, hoping my bid for validation didn't sound too pathetic. "All the time," another friend said. "I call it up, then realize a few minutes in that I've already seen it." "How about not realizing you've seen it until about ten minutes from the end?" I said. Mostly sympathetic murmurs. One appalled gasp.
viewing event to start with a sentence like, "Hey, isn't that the guy on, oh s***, what's the name of that show, you know, the one set in France, or wait, maybe it was Spain, anyway, you know the one where there's a burglary, or maybe it was a killing." The miracle is that Bob and I almost always know which actor, and which show the other is speaking of. More amazing, we share certainty of where we've seen an actor — even when we're completely wrong. 'What Have We Seen Him In?' Recently we watched a film starring a guy who looked familiar. "We know that guy," I said, my usual bid to, please, fill in the blank. "Yeah, we do," Bob responded, his usual way of signaling, I can't.
Whatever the degree of dysfunction, there's no getting around that it's happening to us, that aging thing where your short-term memory is in disarray, and you can't tell if it's a normal byproduct of aging or a precursor to something insidious.
Me: "What have we seen him in?"
My husband, who at 72 is six years older than I, thinks it's to be expected. My memory, he reassures, is just fine.
Me: "That's the guy from 'Six Feet Under'!"
This, of course, is coming from a man who thinks it's normal for every TV
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Bob: "Can't remember." The next night, the same actor popped up in a comedy film. Halfway through, it came to me in a blinding flash.
Bob (clearly impressed): "Sure. That's right."
lot like Peter Krause.)
We both smiled. A triumph over aging! That is, until I consulted Wikipedia and discovered that I'd mixed up my actors. Turns out the one I was looking for was the star of "Community." (Respectfully, I submit that Joel McHale looks a
Bob regards such memory blips as amusing and isn't the least bit concerned. Me, I worry that it might be evidence of early-stage Alzheimer's. My daughter offers reassurance that isn't exactly reassuring. "Mom, your memory's always been bad." I've Been Setting Reminders for Years She's right. I've been compensating for years. It started in my 30s when I began keeping a list of friends' and relatives' birthdays, so I'd remember to send a card. I refused to be deterred when one friend told me that my card "didn't count" because I didn't actually remember her birthday. (I stopped sending her cards after that. Oddly, her birthdate is now firmly lodged in my brain.) In my 40s, I began leaving scribbled reminders around the house of things I needed to do. In my 50s, I kicked it up a notch, each night making a list of the next day's scheduled phone calls and appointments that I would keep on my desk all day to make sure I didn't forget anything. Now in my 60s, I not only have a list, but I set the alarm on my phone app to beep ten minutes before a scheduled engagement. Never mind that sometimes The River Region’s 50+ Lifestage Magazine
