Planning a Funeral by riverviewchurch

Planning a funeral LIFE SKILLS

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PLANNING A FUNERAL

CONTENTS

Planning a Funeral

I N T R O D U C T I O N 4 A C O N V E R S AT I O N N E E D E D 5 P R E PA R I N G F O R T H E F U N E R A L 8 THE TYPE OF FUNERAL

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T H E WA K E

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S U D D E N D E AT H AT H O M E

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S U D D E N D E AT H I N A P U B L I C P L A C E D E AT H I N H O S P I TA L O R PA L L I AT I V E C A R E

THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR’S ROLE 2 2 A GENERIC FUNERAL SERVICE 2 6 P R E PA R I N G A E U L O G Y

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W H O C A N H E L P/ W H O T O N O T I F Y 3 0

PLANNING A FUNERAL

Introduction The death of a family member is one of the most stressful times we can experience. There is so much to do and organise, especially if the death is sudden. This booklet comes from an event run at Riverview aimed at answering many of the questions people have at this time. While this booklet may not cover all you need, we hope it will help to guide you through a difficult time. Regards, Riverview Church Care Ministry

PLANNING A FUNERAL

A C O N V E R S AT I O N N E E D E D :

When considering funeral planning, families can initiate a conversation around the many aspects of death, with the elderly or dying family member. This is one of the most helpful conversations families can have with one another. Of course if the death is sudden and unexpected it is often too late to have the conversation, but assuming that they have time, what questions should be asked? The most immediate question would be, ‘Have you thought about any aspects of what you might like at your funeral? Could we talk about this now?’ For some people they are quite open to having this discussion. However, other people have a superstitious fear of speaking of death and funerals, fearing that speaking about it will inevitably lead to it happening. If your family member belongs in the second category then you may need to carefully ask some questions like; • I was chatting with ………. the other day and they are organizing their funeral details and costs. Have you ever thought about doing that? • We’ve never spoken about what type of funeral you would like. I’d really like to be able to do things the way you would want them to be done so could we chat about it at some time? • It would be really helpful for us if we can have some idea of what you would like. It means that we are able to concentrate on the really important stuff when we will all be quite stressed. When could we talk? Maybe attending someone else’s funeral will give you an opportunity to chat about your family member’s funeral.

A C O N V E R S AT I O N N E E D E D

PLANNING A FUNERAL

P R E - F U N E R A L I N F O R M AT I O N :

These are the questions that are important to have with the person while they are still alive and able to have the discussion; The two most important questions: • Has a Funeral Director been chosen? They will need to be contacted at the beginning of the process. • Has a Funeral Celebrant been chosen? Riverview Church is able to help with this Is there a will in place? • If yes, then where is it kept? • Who is appointed as the Executor? How can that person be contacted? • If there is no will, one needs to be made. Is there an ‘Enduring Power of Attorney’ in place? • An Enduring Power of Attorney allows a person to appoint someone to make financial decisions on their behalf, in the event that they lose the capacity to make such decisions themselves. If there is an EPA in place; • Who is this person and how may they be contacted? • Does this need to be reviewed as circumstances change? • If there is not, does this need to be put in place? Is there an ‘Enduring Power of Guardianship’ in place? In the same way that an Enduring Power of Attorney allows a person to appoint someone to make financial decisions on their behalf, making an Enduring Power of Guardianship enables a person to appoint someone to make personal, lifestyle and treatment decisions in the event that they lose the capacity to make such decisions themselves. If there is an EPG in place; • Who is this person and how may they be contacted? • Does this need to be reviewed as circumstances change? • If there is not, does this need to be put in place?

A C O N V E R S AT I O N N E E D E D

PLANNING A FUNERAL

Is there an ‘Advanced Health Directive’ in place? • An ‘Advanced Health Directive’ allows a person to make decisions about the health care they receive in the future. They can use it to provide or withhold their consent to receive specified medical, surgical and dental treatments and other healthcare, including life-sustaining measures and palliative care. If there is an AHD in place; • Where is it held? • Does this need to be reviewed as circumstances change? • If there is not, does this need to be put in place? •• An excellent website to receive more information on these three tools is publicadvocate.wa.gov.au/_files/epg_guide.pdf Are there any organ donation orders in place? •• The website which explains how this works is donatelife.gov.au/decide Is there a pre-paid funeral plan or funeral insurance in place? • If yes, with whom and where is the documentation? • Be aware that for many pre-paid funeral packages there is no transferability from one company to another or even from one location to another. • Also be aware that any changes to the pre-paid funeral package details will incur additional costs. • You may also wish to consider Funeral Bonds. These are usually offered by friendly societies or life insurance companies, and require you to make a lumpsum payment or pay by instalments. The money is invested and can only be used to cover your funeral. The funeral bond can be in your name or joint names. If you go for the latter, the benefit is normally paid on the death of the first joint owner. • Funeral insurance is often a part of a Death Insurance policy and maybe part of a superannuation policy so check that these policy documents are available.

A C O N V E R S AT I O N N E E D E D

Preparing for the Funeral The following deals with areas that will need to be decided around the funeral arrangements.

PLANNING A FUNERAL

B U R I A L O R C R E M AT I O N ?

How will disposition of the body occur? Each of these alternatives brings with it further choices that need to be made. With burial •• Is there already a burial plot? •• Is there a family plot? •• If yes where is the documentation? •• Be aware that today in Western Australia the burial plot is leased to the family for an initial period of 25 years. •• If no, is there a preferred cemetery and site within that cemetery? •• What type of casket or coffin is to be used? With cremation; •• Is there a site for the ashes? •• If yes, where is the documentation? •• If no, how would you like the ashes handled? •• The family are able to collect the ashes from the crematorium within 48 hours of the service. The ashes are placed in a small sealed box and the family then is able to re-arrange them as they choose.

P R E PA R I N G F O R T H E F U N E R A L :

The type of funeral When it comes to considering the funeral service arrangements the following need to be considered;

PLANNING A FUNERAL

NO FUNERAL

With this choice the body is taken by a funeral director to be buried/ cremated according to the wishes of the family, and there is no funeral service. This is usually chosen because the deceased don’t want fuss or don’t want their family to go through the grief of a traditional funeral. However it is important to recognise the funeral, whatever it looks like, is an important part of the symbolism all cultures use to help people deal with death and grief. N O N -AT T E N D

Much the same as the ‘no funeral’. A memorial service may be held at which the family say their goodbyes. The Director takes the body, with no family members in attendance, to the crematorium or gravesite. C H A P E L , G R AV E S I D E , M E M O R I A L O R A C O M B I N AT I O N :

All of these will work with either burial or cremation. CHAPEL

This is a service held at the cemetery or in another location such as a church or at the chapel attached to the crematorium. • If burial follows the service, the coffin may be at the chapel and then transported to the grave site or may be at the gravesite only. • If cremation is taking place then the coffin is brought to the chapel and then transported, if the chapel is not at the crematorium, to the crematorium.

GRAVESIDE

This service is only at the graveside and only with a burial.

MEMORIAL

This service is generally in a church but no coffin is present. Sometimes the ashes are present.

COMBINATION

Often the family has a memorial service with all the people wishing to attend and then a private graveside service for just the family. For most people the chapel at the crematorium or at the cemetery is used for any service that is required, but this need not be the case.

An excellent website for more information is mcb.wa.gov.au/FuneralServices/ 11

THE TYPE OF FUNERAL

The wake

PLANNING A FUNERAL

T H E WA K E :

Traditionally most cultures have some form of gathering after the funeral service is completed. This often gives the family and friends opportunity to speak of the departed and share stories about their life and in so doing aid in the grief process. With most chapels, either at the cemetery or crematorium, there is a choice to have a short get-together after the service but be aware that there is a significant expense in doing this. You may choose to have a wake at home. If this is the case who will cater and be the organizer of the event? The wake is often a time when you can be creative about remembering your loved one so be as creative as you wish.

T H E WA K E

Sudden death at home If a person dies at home the following is the usual procedure:

PLANNING A FUNERAL

THE PROCESS:

•• On discovery of the person the ambulance is called. •• Resuscitation may or may not be attempted by the ambulance officers depending on circumstances. Be aware that even if a ‘do not resuscitate’ is in an Advanced Health Directive, ambulance officers are required to attempt resuscitation if they believe it necessary. •• If the person responds to resuscitation the ambulance will transport them to hospital. •• If the person does not respond or no resuscitation is attempted the ambulance officers will certify that life is extinct. •• The Coronial Police will be called by the attending ambulance officers. If there are no suspicious circumstances and the death is explainable (the family doctor will make this determination and sign the Medical Certificate Certifying Death) the family will be asked to call the appointed Funeral Director, when they are ready, to have the body collected. Funeral Homes have a 24/7 service for collection. If the person is being cared for at home by a Palliative care team the family will call the Palliative care team. •• If the death is unexplainable or accidental, but not suspicious, the Coroner will be called by the Ambulance Officers, and the Coroner will then work through their processes. The family will need to wait until the body is released by the Coroner before funeral arrangements can be made. •• If there are suspicious circumstances then the Police/Coroner will be called and they will then work through their processes. The family will need to wait until the body is released by the Coroner before funeral arrangements can be made.

S U D D E N D E AT H AT H O M E

Sudden death in a public place If a person dies in a public place the following is the usual procedure:

PLANNING A FUNERAL

THE PROCESS:

•• If the death is unexplainable/accidental, but not suspicious, the Police will be called and they will then work through their processes. The Coroner (or the appointed delegate) will attempt to identify the individual and make contact with the next of kin. •• The family will need to wait until the body is released by the Coroner and a Certificate of burial or cremation is supplied before funeral arrangements can be made. •• If there are suspicious circumstances then the Police will be called and they will then work through their processes. The Police will carry out their investigation and then the body is collected by the Coroner’ contractor. The family will need to wait until the body is released by the Coroner before funeral arrangements can be made.

S U D D E N D E AT H I N A P U B L I C P L A C E

Death in hospital or palliative care If a person dies in hospital or palliative care

PLANNING A FUNERAL

THE PROCESS:

•• Frequently when a loved one passes away in hospital, unless the death is sudden or unexpected the staff are reasonably able to say that death is imminent. However… •• That could mean one day or several days. •• The hospital will usually make a private room available in order for the family to spend as much time with their loved one as possible. •• The medical staff try to be as minimally intrusive as they can outside of administering palliative care. Often the family can take care of the personal hygiene and make sure there is no discomfort from dried lips etc. •• This is a precious time for being together as a family to share stories, laugh and cry together and be quietly interactive knowing that hearing is the last of the senses to close down in the dying person. •• You have the opportunity to create a peaceful and calm atmosphere so that the passing can be as peaceful as it can be. •• Understandably there are times when the family members might feel anger, frustration and tiredness etc. When this happens the place for expressing these feeling is well away from the patient, so allow the family member to take a walk and have some time away to refocus. •• Because of the unpredictability of the timing of the death of the loved one, the family may choose to remain in the room or close by so they can be present when the end comes.

D E AT H I N H O S P I TA L O R PA L L I AT I V E C A R E

PLANNING A FUNERAL

W H AT H A P P E N S W H E N T H E D E AT H O C C U R S ?

•• If the person is in palliative care the very nature of that care means that any interventions in the dying process will be minimal other than that which is needed to keep the patient comfortable and pain free. •• You may or may not have medical staff in the room, so if they are not present you would notify them as soon as possible that you believe your loved one has died. •• A Doctor will sign a Medical Certificate Cause of Death and the family will then be able to stay with their loved one for as long as they wish. •• When you are ready to leave you would notify the Funeral Director of your choice and nominate a possible time for them to come to collect the body if the deceased is ready to be released. •• The nursing staff may call the funeral company, who will then prepare the body for transport. •• In the case of an autopsy being needed the body would be transferred to the hospital mortuary before going to the State Mortuary which is at Sir Charles Gardiner Hospital. Once the Coroner releases the body, the body is released to the family who then organise for the Funeral Director to collect it. •• If your loved one passes away at a nursing home the family Doctor would be called to sign a Medical Certificate Cause of Death. The Funeral Director would then come to the nursing home and take the loved one’s body into their care so long as there are no suspicious circumstances surrounding the death.

D E AT H I N H O S P I TA L O R PA L L I AT I V E C A R E

The Funeral Directorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s role The Funeral Director and the Funeral Celebrant will be the 2 most important people to the family at the time of a personâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s death and so it is essential that these two positions are organized beforehand.

PLANNING A FUNERAL

G E N E R A L I N F O R M AT I O N

All funeral Homes operate somewhat differently so it is important to ask questions while discussing details with the Funeral Director. Some things to consider include; •• 70% of funerals today are cremations •• Be sure to check the fine print of any document in regards to what the Funeral Director will supply for the price you are paying. This is particularly important in regards to pre-paid funeral packages. •• Costs do vary greatly and every time you add a requirement to the funeral process you may be adding a cost. •• If you do not have a Funeral Celebrant available the Funeral Director will aid with planning the funeral service. •• While a Riverview celebrant does not charge for their services to Riverview Families, others may. Be sure to ask. •• If the person is being buried the Funeral Director may ask if you wish for the body to be embalmed. This preserves the body for a longer time but may be an extra cost. •• A Death Certificate from the Registrar of Births, Deaths and Marriages will need to be acquired before the finalizing of the estate can occur. The paperwork for this may be lodged by the Funeral Director but the question needs to be asked.

THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR’S ROLE

PLANNING A FUNERAL

FUNERAL DIRECTOR’S SERVICE FEE:

Generally the following will be covered in the Funeral Director service fee but be sure to enquire; •• Transfer of body •• Preparation of body •• Viewing or visitation time of body •• Use of vehicles •• Staff on duty for the funeral Funeral Directors may ask up to 90% of the fee to be paid up front. Check insurance and superannuation policies to see if there are provisions within them for helping with this cost. CASKET OR COFFIN?

These vary greatly in cost. They may start as low as $1,000 and go up from there depending on your requirements. This cost is in addition to the service fee.

THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR’S ROLE

PLANNING A FUNERAL

I N F O R M AT I O N T H E F U N E R A L D I R E C T O R W I L L N E E D F R O M T H E FA M I LY:

•• Legal Documents: Marriage certificate, birth certificate, divorce documentation of deceased and parents, and any documents relating to a burial plot or cremation •• Clothing:For viewing and /or the cremation/burial (don’t forget underwear) •• Choice of Coffin/Casket: •• Choice of Flowers: •• Length of Hire of the Chapel: E.g. One hour/two hours. Time starts from when the car arrives to leaving the condolence lounge •• Number of mourners: Required for chapel size •• Wake at the crematorium: Be aware that the number that you pay for is fixed in the planning. •• Number of pallbearers: Can have up to eight. •• Details for the funeral notice: •• Venue for the service: •• Any photo’s for the chapel: •• Music choices: Need one for entrance, reflection, photo montage if necessary and close of service •• Number of cars required for family: Generally only one is included in the service fee so be sure to ask •• Time and date of service (which may include a different time for cemetery/crematorium)

THE FUNERAL DIRECTOR’S ROLE

A generic funeral service The following represents a typical funeral service but remember you can be as creative as you wish to be within the venue and time constraints that may exist.

PLANNING A FUNERAL

G E N E R A L I N F O R M AT I O N

•• Pre-Service/Entry – Music •• Minister’s Welcome •• Prayer •• Personal Eulogies – from family and friends •• Minister’s Message •• Reflection Time – Song and often photo montage and Laying of Flowers •• Committal •• Closing Prayer •• Closing — Song •• Closing Announcements If there is only a graveside service then there may be some slight changes due to location.

A GENERIC FUNERAL SERVICE

Preparing a eulogy The purpose of the eulogy is to tell some of the story of the deceased person, generally from a number of different peopleâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s perspective.

PLANNING A FUNERAL

THE PROCESS

If you are to write the eulogy, collect interesting/happy/special/unique bits of information about the deceased to include in your eulogy. Try to include at least one statement about/from each key person in the deceased person’s life. An example of some things to ask to help trigger special memories are: B A C KG R O U N D I N F O R M AT I O N O N D E C E A S E D :

•• Where were they born: •• Primary School Attended: •• High School Attended: •• Where lived: •• Employment: •• Met partner: •• Date/Place Married: •• Children’s names and DOB: •• Children’s partners: •• Grandchildren: WHAT WAS THEIR RELATIONSHIP LIKE WITH THE INDIVIDUAL FAMILY MEMBERS?

•• When you see his/her pictures, what will you remember most? •• What adventures did he/she experience? •• What were some of the lovable quirks that were part of his/her life? •• What was the best time you had with him/her? •• How did he/she influence you to be a better person? •• Describe him/her in one word. •• What were your last moments with him/her like? •• What were his/her hobbies? •• What was he/she passionate about? •• What is the funniest thing that he/she ever said/did? •• What did he/she teach you about God? •• What was his/her pet peeve? •• What would she/he like to be remembered most for? 29

P R E PA R I N G A E U L O G Y

PLANNING A FUNERAL

W H O YO U N E E D T O N O T I F Y W H E N S O M E O N E D I E S :

You may need, or the Executor of the Will of the deceased may need, to notify some or all of the following people and organisations; •• Department of Social Security - If the deceased was receiving an Aged Pension then Centrelink may provide extra payments to help with funeral costs. humanservices.gov.au/customer/services/centrelink/ bereavement-payment •• Department of Veteran’s Affairs - Once DVA has been notified about the death of a pension recipient, depending on circumstances, bereavement payments may be payable. See dva.gov.au/benefits-and-payments/bereavement-assistance •• Solicitor or Public Trustee - whichever is handling the will of the deceased •• Accountant •• Financial organisations with which the deceased had accounts •• Employer •• Insurance companies ••

Life

••

Accident

••

Home and Contents

••

Vehicle

•• Car registration organisation •• Electoral Office •• Medicare and/or private medical fund

WHO TO NOTIFY

PLANNING A FUNERAL

•• Church •• Household help organisations •• Any home delivery services •• Utilities companies •• Educational organisations •• Service organisations - e.g. Rotary etc.

HOW CAN RIVERVIEW CHURCH HELP?

•• Riverview Church has a number of staff members who are experienced in conducting funerals and who would be honoured to walk with you and your family during this time. •• If you wish for a Riverview staff member to be the funeral celebrant or just to help you during this time please contact Riverview Care Ministry (0894160000) as soon as you are able and a funeral celebrant will be appointed to you. You may wish someone in particular to be the funeral celebrant and the Care Ministry will do all they can to work with you during this time.

WHO TO NOTIFY

1 Thorogood Street, Burswood WA 6100 PO Box 524 Victoria Park WA 6979 +61 8 9416 0000 email@riverviewchurch.com

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