THE LAST WORD

The Secret That Dare Not Speak Its Name

No, it’s not the ILA’s obsession with the cheaper varieties of the Sauvignon grape, Andy’s missing years (did he really teach Sumo wrestling in Morocco?) or Maura’s shameful spending sprees in Primark.

But we’re talking about ancient history from the association’s Inner Circle — where will the next ELBC be held?

The origins of the Secret That Dare Not Speak Its Name can now be revealed.

“It lies in the early days of the European Lead Battery Conference,” says Hugh Cullimore, a colleague and friend of the much-missed Mike Mayer who set up the ELBC.

“Michael and I shared an office in Chobham during the 1990s. He would never reveal where the next ELBC conference was going to be held until the very last minute…

…“But what he didn’t know was that the travel agent next door always told me where he’d been going!”

I’ve got a great story!!

Hold the front page!

Press releases — where wildly imaginative prose is frequently copied by lazy hacks — are part of the staple of journalistic life.

But we did wonder whether who would copy this verbatim.

“The global maggot debridement market size is expected to reach USD 19.7 million by 2027 according to a new study by Polaris Market Research.”

If you don’t believe, google this “Maggot debridement Market Share, Size, Trends, Industry Analysis Report, By Administration Type (Biobags, Loose Larva); By End Use (Hospital, Wound Care Centers, Clinics & Others); By Application; By Regions; Segment Forecast, 2020-2027” gives a detailed insight into current market dynamics and provides analysis on future market growth.

Certainly gives a dimension to the imagination of some of the battery start-ups we read …

I’m not an alcoholic. Alcoholics need a drink, but I already have one

The old joke — “A Batteryman walks out of a conference bar before closing time … hey it could happen!” — is finding a new twist.

In the absence of finding a welcoming glass or two of electrolyte at the end of a hard day’s networking and with no exhibitions, or airport lounge bars in sight, how is the industry coping? Two tips for the pandemic have been sent in.

Stay locked-in at home: “Yes, don’t drink and drive, it’ll spill everywhere.”

Avoid face and hand contact at

all times: “A glass of wine in each hand does the trick for me!”.