CATALYST: 'BREAK', Issue 5, Volume 73 by Catalyst Magazine

break

issue 5

Laura Repetti

Contents

Editorâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;s Letter

For the Record

How the Hustle Hurts your Mental Health

Chipped

5 Breakdowns Youâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;ll Inevitably Experience at Uni

Australian Traditions

The older you are, the worse it gets?

Ballot Box

Breaking the Obsession

Photo essay

Red Flags

Habits and Breaking Them

Fri(end)s

Break-ups, Make-ups, and Defamation?

A Chat with Mark from Aunty Donna

When I Grow Up

Skin and Glass

Sleep Paralysis

Breakfast Recipes

52 3

Contributors Back Cover: Adam Hogan

Editors: Maggie Coggan-Gartlan Anthony Furci Kasia Kosidlo

Editorial Committee: Elizabeth Maidment Maddy Ruskin Natasha Lobo Shannon Schubert Alayna Hansen Micaela Togher Rachael Merritt Ben Madden Lisa Divissi Luke Michael Shannon Steuer Meg McKenna Tim Miller Abby Alexander Sophie Spence Kelsey Rettino Sarah Dunwoodie Nicole Pereira Jack Hopkins Weijun Lam

Creative Director: George Coltman Design Team: George Coltman Paige Linden Tommy Kuo Social Media: Meg McKenna Shannon Steuer Sophie Spence News: Gus McCubbing Reviews: Ben Madden Marketing: Cait Speldewinde

Printer: Printgraphics Pty Ltd 14 Hardner Road, Mount Waverley, Victoria 3149 Australia PE: 9562 9600

Visuals: Meg McKenna Events: Sophie Spence

Special Thanks To: Sydney Road Brunswick Association - Primary Sponsor

Cataclysm Producer: Jasmine Mee Lee

Everyone who helped out and supported Catalyst this year. Writers, artists, event attendees, advertisers, readers - we love you.

Front Cover: Portia Sarris

Catalyst acknowledges that this magazine was produced on the stolen land of the Wurundjeri People of the Kulin Nation. We pay our respects to their elders, both past and present. We also acknowledge the traditional owners of all the lands from where the stories and artworks were sourced.

Editor’s Letter Maggie Coggan, @MaggieCoggan Anthony Furci, @AnthonyRFurci Kasia Kosidlo, @kasiakosidlo Image by Stephen Smit, @stephensmit92

everyone who has helped us out, been patient while we made mistakes and got excited when we pulled stuff together at the last second - with all my heart, thankyou.

Sweaty summer days, sun burn and week long Netflix marathons. What do all these things have in common? THE SUMMER BREAK! Somehow, we’ve all made it through the final uni semester, and that sweet as heck, and seemingly endless time off is well within reach.

Kasia I’m trying to stay away from clichés in this lil note but BOY is it hard! Time flies when you’re having fun and it’s amazing to look back on when I first started at Catalyst. I vividly remember clutching a copy in my first week of uni in 2016, thinking to myself how cool it was and how badly I wanted to get involved. Slipping in as editor in between issue 2 and 3 this year was such a dream opportunity! Shout out to Maggie and Anthony for being patient with me when I tried to make group hugs a thing. These emo feels were fuelled further by the nostalgic, and thematically appropriate songs, which include Kelly Clarkson’s Breakaway and High School Musicals ‘Breaking Free.

It’s also our final issue for 2017 at the Catalyst headquarters, so here is a little kiss and hug goodbye from the three of us. Maggie The theme of this issue connects fairly personally to me. At the beginning of the year, I took this idea probably too seriously, and broke a bone after I fell down a hill at a festival (wouldn’t recommend). More recently though, I’ve had to come to terms with breaking up with uni, after I finish up my degree and of course, being an editor of Catalyst. Luckily, this lovely little mag and I are breaking up on good terms, because while it wasn’t always smooth sailing, I had the time of my life. Getting to work and hang with my two beautiful and funny co-editors made it all the easier, and being able to hold something I helped create, full of amazing writing and artwork from a shit load of really talented students, is an unbelievable feeling. Moving on is scary, and I’ll be sad for a bit, but to

Lots of love to the team and contributors that made it such a fun year! Have a lovely break and see you in 2018 ;) PS. This will definitely be the semester break I stop telling everyone I want to learn the drums and actually do it. 5

Anthony I don’t even know where to begin. It honestly feels like we were planning out Catalyst 2017 just a few weeks ago - and now, we’re wrapping it up. It’s been a bloody tough year, but it’s been such an incredible ride. Maggie and Kasia have made this role so much better than I ever thought it could’ve been, and I’m so grateful to them for everything - from the google hangouts that never seemed to work, to the late nights in the office eating starburst and blasting Taylor Swift... Okay, that was just one time! To everyone that’s listened to me go on about “RMIT’s student magazine”, and to everyone that’s helped and supported us this year - including you, reading this right now - thank you. So much. Onwards and upwards to our 2018 team - I know you’ll do such an incredible job. I won’t be forgetting 2017 anytime soon.

For the Record William Ton, @WilliamHTon

Revive Alive

From the oldest, Morocco’s University of Al Quaraouiyine - founded in 859AD, to the wealthiest, Harvard University - worth $36.9 billion, university students and their institutions have long been attempting world records. But how many of those have actually been broken? Here are some weird, wacky and wonderful feats which have been conquered by tertiary champions.

Now to India, where more than 25,000 Saveetha University students broke not one, but two world records for the most people in a CPR relay and the most people to complete CPR training in 24 hours in April 2016. The record for the most people in a CPR relay involved 2,619 students who had to perform chest compressions for one minute, before the next person could take over. A delay of even a few seconds would have rendered the attempt invalid.

Bouncing Bros It may seem like all fun and games to bounce around in a jumping castle, but in this case, a group of eight brothers from the Beta Theta Phi fraternity at Cornell University broke the world record for the Longest Marathon on a Bouncy Castle (team), jumping for a good cause.

The second record for the highest amount of people to complete CPR training in 24 hours was broken by 28,015 students in a little over eight hours.

The record was broken over three days, starting at 6:00pm on September 1, 2017 and concluding on September 3 after the team reached 50 hours. The record concluded the Beta Theta Phi event ‘Betas Bounce Against Sexual Violence’.

These attempts were organised by the university on World Health Day, to promote awareness and knowledge of cardiopulmonary resuscitation as part of their ‘Save a Life’ campaign.

The previous record was held by Tuggerah Lakes Police in NSW, Australia at 43 hours, 25 minutes and 1 second, which they held since May 2015.

Feeling hungry? Well, Newcastle University student Isaac HardingDavis is the holder of two food-related records. The 8

21-year-old broke the world records for the most dumplings eaten in two minutes and the most ice cream eaten in a minute this year.

record in 2014 and the previous world record of 2,429 items in 2015. Her collection is worth over $20,000.

In February, Isaac pulverised 30 dumplings without drinking any water in a matter of two minutes, almost doubling the previous record of 18 at an eating contest in Sydney.

Dr Tan, who started collecting cattle paraphernalia at 17, revealed that she hadn’t seen an actual cow in real life until she was 20 years old and recalled the phrase that started it all;

In July, on the Today Show, Isaac broke the record for the most ice cream eaten in one minute on International Ice Cream Day. Battling through the brain freeze, Isaac chowed down on a little over two tubs of Ben & Jerry’s ‘Strawberry Cheesecake’, which is equivalent to 806g of ice cream.

“How now, brown cow.” The record stood for a few months until it was broken by another cow collector in the US, who accumulated a total of 15,144 items of cow memorabilia. By university standards, these records highlight the best of the best. As you head into the exam and holiday periods, why not attempt a few of these world records yourself? Who knows - maybe you could be the next big cow collector or dumpling destroyer.

COWabunga! These records are all impressive, sure. But did you know, RMIT has a (former) world record holder in its midst? Dr Carol Tan, a Senior Lecturer in the School of Fashion and Textiles, broke the world record for the largest collection of cow memorabilia. She amassed a total of 3,320 cow-related items in her ‘Chateau De Moo’, which broke the Australian 9

How the Hustle Hurts your Mental Health Jasmine Wallis, @JasSkyee Illustration by Meg McKenna, @meg.mckenna

to be done,” says RMIT student Issy Deason.

The semester is hurtling towards an end, some of you may be graduating soon, but for others it will feel like in the blink of an eye we’ll be back on the university train. University is a time like no other, and I’m not just talking about seeing your friends every day and partying like crazy.

“Even when I should be relaxing and enjoying my hobbies and seeing friends on my one day off a week, I know there’s always more I could be doing to get ahead in my studies or career,” she claims. And when students do have the chance to kick their feet up and chuck on Netflix, it’s the feeling of anxiety and guilt which drives makes them back to the books.

I’m talking about the fact that while you’re at uni, you also have to juggle a number of responsibilities. Sure, you’ve gotta go to your lectures and tutorials, but you also probably have to work part-time to pay your rent, buff up your resume with internships and work experience, involve yourself with extracurricular activities, and spend time with your friends and family. If you’re lucky, you’ll squeeze in time to do the groceries, clean and go to the gym once in while.

Daphne Konas, a psychologist who practices at the RMIT Counselling Service, highlights the damaging consequences of this culture on our mental health. “There are a variety of reasons why we may feel ‘guilty’ about taking a mental health day… I believe that this is partly due to fearing stigma, societal expectations, pressure from employers, and the desire to be valued by our peers and colleagues,” she says.

This alone is enough to make a mere human’s head explode, but I’m not talking about being an overachiever. This is what’s expected of young people in 2017. The pressure to always be working hard (or ‘hustling’ as Instagram says) is a result of society romanticizing the idea of working yourself to the point of breakdown.

So what are the symptoms of over-working ourselves, and what should we be doing about it? According to Konas, some of the warning signs include not being able to sleep properly, having difficulty concentrating or completing tasks, and coming down with the flu more than usual. Some

Recently, I was talking to friends who were struggling to find more hours in the day. “There’s always more 10

days, if we’re feeling stressed, it can be tempting to drop all of our responsibilities and bury our heads in the sand (or doona covers). But avoiding the issues and pushing through every task in a haze of anxiety will end up plaguing you with more guilt and, ultimately, more stress.

around, make sure you take some time out for yourself to reflect on what you’ve achieved this year. Talk to a friend, and don’t ever feel guilty for binge watching your favourite Netflix show, because you deserve it. --

Konas says small steps will help to manage those overwhelming feelings. Schedule in time for hobbies, and surround yourself with people who make you feel inspired and happy. Be mindful of regular exercise, get plenty of sleep (try to aim for 7-8 hours per night), and practice mindfulness and deep breathing. These are just a few easy tips to work into your lifestyle, no matter how busy you are.

The RMIT counsellors are available 5 days a week to discuss the issues brought up in this article and more. Appointments can be made online or via telephone, on 9925 5000.

Working hard is crucial to achieving good grades and finding a meaningful career. Goals give us a purpose in life and something to work towards. But, we need to make sure we stay balanced. “When we are heavily focused on our goals, we can lose sight of our values, and this is often when exhaustion and mental health issues such as depression and anxiety can occur,” Konas says. So when that glorious summer break does come 11

Chipped Tessa Stickland, @tessa_sticks Illustration by Annie Cooper, @kizmo_design

1. On the Deck The birds here sound like home As I lay on the deck, half in sun half in sleep, I mistake the dull crash of the ocean for the hum of the freeway I feel like chipped nail polish Yellow fractures Veiny cracks The wind whispers to the trees and wraps its fingers around their bases, brushes their leaves and branches, and plaits them like hair It’s sisterhood But my eyes are closed And my eyelashes are damp 2. At the Window It’s layers upon layers of green Deep, long green The fog gives it a softness that it doesn’t deserve Rosellas dart across; smears of red paint Distant cattle call Firewood pops behind me, an array of damp clothes soaking it up Someone turns the kettle on Dirt clad shoes sit clumsily by the door I feel my hand on a patch of mud outside Rain spits into a small puddle Pressure And my fingers sink into the mud wrist elbow Thick, wet slipping and pulling It stops when it reaches my shoulder I can feel myself lying on the ground, arm embraced, as I sit, dry, on the armchair Wet grass murmurs through my rain jacket

5 Breakdowns You’ll Inevitably Experience at Uni Elena Webster Illustration by Jeremy Swan, @jeremyswanart

University is a whole new world, a new fantastic point of view...but unlike Aladdin, you won’t have a magic carpet and a monkey sidekick to get you through unscathed.

and follow it up with a cheeky brunch on Sunday.

I can confidently say that you will have a number of breakdowns during your degree. I apologise for my pessimism, but with higher education comes higher levels of stress.

Money can’t buy happiness, but it’s definitely needed to pay rent. We’ve all been through those panicked moments when you glance at your bank account and regret everything. This breakdown is characterised by tears and pleading phone calls to landlords, friends and home.

2. The Financial Breakdown

As I’m graduating in December, I thought it was time to impart some wisdom upon my departure.

You tell everyone you’re broke but there is a chance you either a) have a wardrobe full of once-worn items, b) buy at least four coffees and two meals every time you’re at uni, or c) you bought everyone three rounds of tequila shots on the weekend.

Here are the five breakdowns you will inevitably encounter during your degree, have a read, and cry. 1. The ‘Weight-gain’ Breakdown

This breakdown is entirely self-inflicted and completely avoidable! Your tears are coming at a price — because mental health is ten times more than the spray jacket you just bought from Gorman.

Surprise surprise, this disaster happens in the first year! Many of us have moved out of home and are now in the world alone, trying to figure out our capabilities. For most of us, we realise cooking is not one of them.

3. The ‘No spare time’ Breakdown

We’ve all heard of the fresher five: the five kilos you gain at the start of uni when you’re living off a steady diet catered by Menulog.

Do you constantly find yourself short of spare time? Or are you procrastinating so hard you actually believe you studied for five hours yesterday, when realistically you did about one hour worth of study

You can usually combat this by being healthy for a week, until you order that HSP on Saturday night 14

5. The ‘What will I do with my life after uni’ Breakdown

and wasted the other four painting your nails, Facetiming your dad and sorting through your clothes?

This is my current status in breakdowns. This breakdown is not appeased by the onslaught of people asking you, “what do you want to do when you finish uni?” It’s really shitty when you don’t know.

This meltdown happened to me in second year, when the uni workload increased on top of organising and finding internships in my ‘spare time’. It will happen...just wait.

Step back and realise that you have time.

4. The ‘Everyone is doing better than me’ Breakdown

You don’t need to get a job straight out of uni. You don’t need to stick with a job you have straight out of uni until you’re 73 years old. You are going to be alright.

Comparison is the thief of joy — whoever said that was bang on the money.

Take a deep breath. You have the rest of the year, the whole of Summer and the next 20 years. Your world will not implode if you haven’t made a decision yet.

Third year started with a wave of ‘oh, shit’ thoughts. I realised everyone had been buffing up their resumes with internships and work experience. Even more intense panic set in when I saw those positions turn into jobs. I felt like I was being left behind.

There is a chance you will be as lucky as me, and learn from each and every breakdown. You may have a panic attack, you may fall behind with your studies, but you will be a-okay in the end. I promise.

I soon realised it was pointless being jealous. Most of those people were working at places and in positions which weren’t necessarily part of the industry I wanted to work in. So why should I compare myself to them?

On a serious note, if you find yourself struggling there are people you can talk to: RMIT student support services/counselling (appointments can be made online or via telephone on 9925 5000) Lifeline on 13 11 14 15

Australian Traditions Claire Ciantar, @claire_ciantar Image by Adam Hogan

marriage in 2015. The current Marriage Act states ‘marriage’ excludes all types of marriage other than that between one man and one woman.

Keeping traditions versus breaking them is something that can be very controversial and personal. In relation to some of today’s debate around Australian traditions, it’s important to note that the decision to either keep or break these traditions will inevitably have a profound impact on the current society in which we live.

RMIT student Ben thinks that “the fact that this debate needs to be had at all is ridiculous… it’s a strong yes from me!” Fellow student Elizabeth believes “the definition of ‘marriage’ should legally remain between a man and woman, because that is how God designed it and God’s design is always best.” Conversely, Jas says “it should definitely be legalised.” Samesex marriage is a controversial issue that will continue to be debated until a final decision is made by the Federal Parliament, pending the results of the Australian Bureau of Statistics’ survey. On that note - make sure you vote!

The argument for marriage equality is one that challenges traditional views and laws currently in place. In recent years, debate surrounding Australia Day celebrations on the 26th of January has come to the forefront of the Australian psyche. Furthermore, the long-lasting debate continues surrounding Australia’s political system - should we become a Republic? Or, should we remain a Constitutional Monarchy? I spoke to some RMIT students for their takes on these issues.

One date that has recently sparked some debate is January 26th. Over many years, Indigenous Australians have protested against the day, arguing that the date should be changed. To many, Australia Day is seen as nothing more than “Invasion Day”. In August 2017, Yarra City councillors voted unanimously to no longer refer to January 26 as Australia Day, causing a huge divide in the community. with some arguing against the decision and others supporting it, saying it will be better for reconciliation between Indigenous and non-Indigenous Australians.

Australia has already broken many of their previous marital traditions. Originally, there was no such thing as rape in marriage or divorce, and a woman couldn’t give evidence against her husband in a court. The debate surrounding same-sex marriage has become increasingly publicised in Australia over the last decade, beginning largely in 2000 when the Netherlands became the first country to legally instate marriage equality. It increased in attention again, after the US legalised same-sex 16

exercised very often. I think it would also be a good opportunity for Australia to introduce a bill of rights in a new constitution, as well as being a fantastic opportunity to provide more recognition and power to Aboriginal people constitutionally.”

Jas informed me that she doesn’t celebrate Australia Day anymore, “since about three years ago when I realised the significance of the date. At most, now I just listen to triple j’s Hottest 100.” Fellow student Timothy says he is all for changing the date, but “disapproves of individual councils doing it unless they also refuse to take the public holiday off work. All or nothing.”

The struggle between breaking and keeping Australian traditions has gathered a range of opinions, and will continue to do so for years to come.

Another tradition that has caused some controversy over the years has been the debate regarding whether Australia should change its political system to a Republic. At the moment, Australia has a Governor General who represents the Queen - our Head of State. If we were to change to a Republic, a President would fill this role. There are many pros and cons for each style of governing. In 1999, a referendum was held which resulted in 45.13% of voters expressing a ‘yes’ vote for changing to a Republic, and 54.87% voting ‘no’. Tim is all for the Republic, but only to be implemented after the passing of the current Queen; “She deserves to see it through!” Elizabeth says “I don’t see the need to change.” For Ben, “a Constitutional Monarchy is largely meaningless, but I couldn’t really care about being a republic.” Finally, Alex claims “I think the power that the Governor General has is a little bit too much, although obviously it isn’t 17

The older you are, the worse it gets? Words and Image by Shannon Schubert, @schubsymphony

“The most amazing thing about her was her mind,” student Neena Hunt says about the elderly neighbour she used to see after school every day.

the Oakden Mental Health Aged Care facilities in Makk and McLeay in Adelaide, following revelations of mistreatment and abuse that possibly resulted in death.

A neighbour approached Neena one day about helping Margaret* with little things around the house, like hanging out the washing.

The Oakden scandal has initiated multiple reviews into the way aged care is regulated, including the National Review of the Aged Care Quality Regulatory Processes.

“Her legs were swollen and full of liquid, so she couldn’t walk. When she walked, it was with a walking frame, and resembled more of a shuffle than a walk.”

“We’re not having the conversations we should be having”, says Lynda Saltarelli from advocacy group Aged Care Crisis. The regulatory framework, which includes the accreditation of aged care homes and the complaints system, “is a process that has failed consistently and repeatedly since the late 1990s. It has been extensively criticised in senate inquiries, by nurses and by those families whose complaints have resulted in an accreditation whitewash. This has had little impact, and the fundamental problems have been ignored.”

What started as Neena lending a hand to her mostly immobile elderly neighbour resulted in a bond that was not quite familial, nor clinical, but precious and strangely intimate. Neena describes her as, “a friend… not like the other friends I have, a different friend.” For a multitude of reasons, be it age or illness, the elderly are some of the most vulnerable people in our population. Unfortunately, this vulnerability makes them an easy target for abuse, neglect or mistreatment.

Lynda’s father suffered a debilitating stroke which took his mobility. She knows of the struggle for families trying to find information on residential aged care services. Her father died from septicaemia after contracting pressure sores just weeks after entering hospital.

Mistreatment has been reported widely in nursing homes across Australia. The latest and most horrific of these scandals was the closure of 18

“It’s all about the money, not outcomes for old people,”

Regulatory Processes, the Aged Care Quality Agency’s internal review, ICAC South Australia’s maladministration investigation into what happened, and a Senate Inquiry.

Dr Rodney Jilek is the Executive Director of Care Services, and a member of the Expert Advisory Group to the Australian College of Nursing on matters related to ageing and aged care.

“Out of those four reviews, only one will be fully transparent - the Senate Inquiry,” says Lynda. “The majority of services are providing quality care, and I am hearing some good stories from residents and families about their aged care experiences. However, this is not always the case as we have seen at Oakden,” said the Federal Minister for Aged Care, Ken Wyatt, in a statement about the national review.

“The accreditation processes, like most of the legislative frameworks governing aged care, are out of step with the realities of actually providing care, are overly bureaucratic, and lack focus on resident outcomes.” Dr Jilek says he wouldn’t call these problems systemic, but there is no real safeguard to prevent incidents like that at Oakden from happening again.

“I want this review to see if there are any shortcomings in the regulatory system that prevented the concerns at the Makk and McLeay wards being identified, as this regulatory system applies across the wider residential aged care system.”

“There will always be isolated cases like Oakden because we are dealing with human beings. Having said that, the current accreditation and regulatory processes are far too subjective and variable, and do not guarantee these things don’t happen.”

The advocacy group Aged Care Crisis is concerned around the transparency of the Minister’s review. Although the report is to be made public, the over 400 submissions to the review will not made public - despite submitters indicating otherwise.

A coronial inquest into the death of a man in the South Australian Makk and McLeay Oakden nursing homes is being undertaken alongside four prominent reviews. The Aged Care Minister’s Review of the National Aged Care Quality

“The consultation process around the Review of 19

She describes the ACCC as empathetic and responsive, despite their finding that the facility’s existing documentation indicated staff had followed correct protocols in caring for her father.

National Aged Care Quality Regulatory Processes has been largely inaccessible to the community, including family members and particularly to clients receiving aged care services.” “This is a trend that has been growing in government reviews”.

“In the end, this complaint was being investigated as he was dying,” she says.

Neena has been through the stress of VCE studies and three years of university since her brief friendship with Margaret. Yet Margaret’s attitude towards nursing homes remains imprinted in Neena’s mind - “towards the end, it was definitely something that meant so much to her.”

“Despite the commission’s findings, it remains my view that even if they had all paperwork in place, there was something seriously wrong with the management of his condition.” “There is an urgent need for the government to be transparent with the Australian public,” Executive Director of Care Services Dr Rodney Jilek says.

Despite her Oedema, a condition where liquid retention in her legs prevented her walking, she was adamant and outspoken about her desire to never move into a residential aged care facility.

Lynda Saltarelli from Aged Care Crisis worries about the cyclical nature of experiences and scandals like Oakden, as various reviews and inquiries have failed to address core issues. Critics say frequent reviews only react to public pressure, but fail to address entrenched issues. “It isn’t bad people, it’s a culture,”

“It was just all the time, everyday: at least I’m not there, at least I’m not at a nursing home, at least I’m at home, I’m comfortable. I get to do what I like when I like.” A report by Monash University researcher Joseph Ibrahim, published in the Medical Journal of Australia, found preventable deaths in nursing homes increased by 400 per cent over the last 13 years.

Senator Derryn Hinch recently put forward an Aged Care Amendment Bill to implement a ratio of skilled staff to care recipients, to “improve the lot of people, often defenceless people - people being treated abominably.”

Julie Spring lodged a complaint with the Aged Care Complaints Commissioner (ACCC) about her father’s care just weeks before his death.

“The only difference between old people and us is that they got there first. Some of the people most guilty of forgetting that fact were politicians,” he said.

“The facility advised that they cannot care for his needs because of my father’s behavioural issues, which were recently exacerbated by a UTI that was not treated for a period of one week to 10 days,” she said in her complaint.

*In order to protect Margaret’s identity, Catalyst has not published her real name.

She discussed five different categories of concerns and several issues with her father’s care, including medication management and assessment, and communication of health problems. The most confusing and painful part for Julie was the frenzy of trying to move her father to a dementia-specific facility while this was happening, as he was also suffering from Alzheimer’s disease. “I lodged this complaint about six weeks before my father died of urosepsis - the same condition that is discussed in my complaint,” she says. 20

Ballot Box Patrick Hooton Liam Straughan, @LiamStraughan5 Illustration by John Barrett, @johnsdooodles

and would later break. When federal budget time came along, we all watched as the former Prime Minister pulled a screeching U-Turn and did what he had explicitly promised he would not. He cut funding for the ABC and SBS. Now, no voters legally retaliated over this broken promise, but what we did see was a sustained erosion of his support base. The polls slid further and further as voters were fed up with him and his broken promises. It got to such a point where even his own party no longer saw him as a viable Prime Minister, ousting him in favour of Malcolm Turnbull.

Welcome back to the Ballot Box, where students from opposite sides of the political spectrum provide their stance on a topical issue. This month, we’ve posed the question: should voters be able to retaliate legally if their elected officials break political promises? Patrick Hooton / Left Wing This is a very complicated question. On one hand, we want our politicians to remain honest and adhere to the promises that got them elected. On the other hand, this will almost never happen, due to the inherent compromising nature of Australia’s current political climate. Ultimately, I would argue that your voice is, by far, more powerful than any legal challenge could be.

This example highlights that voters needn’t rely on legal retaliation. This is, in my opinion, an unpractical approach. We live in a democratic country which upholds the intrinsic notions of fairness and equality in ensuring that the voter’s voices are heard. The equation is in front of us; Abbott broke promises, and his popularity diminished to a point where he lost his position. Politics is a cruel world, where public opinion constantly sways policy and positions.

I, like any other, am always frustrated when yet another politician breaks an election promise. However, I think there would be issues with openly allowing voters to legally retaliate against such broken promises. Foremost, it must be acknowledged that such retaliation would be extraordinarily complex and enormously expensive. This would mean that only voters with significant wealth or power could provide an effective legal challenge against such politicians. Such retaliation would only further serve the richest and most powerful, as they could challenge any broken promises that did not favour their personal or business interests. So I believe the answer to dealing with broken political promises is not through legal retaliation, but through the inherent sway public opinion holds over politics. Politicians who do act in this manner are often punished by the electorate, come election time.

Accordingly, it is your voice that is more effective at keeping politicians accountable to their promises; more effective than any legal challenge. In this democratic society, your voice carries weight. Your voice is important. Please use it, to keep our government accountable to the promises they make. Liam Straughan / Right Wing ‘Sue his ass off’ – Why we can’t, and shouldn’t try to This is probably the most thought-provoking question I’ve ever been asked about politics — should we be able to sue politicians if they break their campaign promises? I’m sure a lot of you reading this might like this idea... hell, I like the idea on paper too. But it just isn’t practical, nor worth it.

No clearer example jumps to mind than on the eve of the federal election in 2013, when the former Prime Minister Tony Abbott unequivocally promised there would be “no cuts to the ABC or SBS.” This was one of many promises a jubilant Abbott made, 22

levels of government, and they serve as a powerful reminder of our judgement as a society on how well the government has (or hasn’t) done its job and kept its promises where they matter. Either that, or God forbid, the dreaded leadership spill. I look to the example of the infamous carbon tax, the promise made by then Prime Minister Julia Gillard at the 2010 election — her first and only election after taking the leadership. She said “there will be no carbon tax under the government I lead”, but the promise was subsequently broken and it proved fatal to her tenure as leader. She did not serve a full term and her predecessor, Kevin Rudd, was reinstated as leader in part because of this.

Firstly, if we were going to sue every politician who broke their promises on the campaign trail, we would be in dire need of a replacement government and opposition in both houses. The strategic reality of politics is the need for cooperation, and at times, compromise, to secure a solid outcome. Take our country’s developing energy policies for example: our current Prime Minister is in favour of a transition to greater reliance on renewable energy, and always has been. He has promised an attempt to achieve this, as well meeting a clean energy target as agreed upon in various international accords. However, there are those in the Liberal Party who are wary of the estimated economic impact of an immediate large-scale move away from coal baseload power generation, as well as the reliability of renewable energy in its developing stages.

Broken promises are a reality of politics. Ultimately, it comes down to our judgement as a society when we add everything up. We are the ultimate arbiter of who gets the job of running the country, something more effective than what could eventuate in a courtroom.

In light of this, the Prime Minister has subsequently made this part of his government’s policy. Some would say he has gone back on his word to commit to renewables. To others, he has simply added another mechanism to it. The result will likely come, but only after more thorough examination of the technology and how it can be more reliable, as well as trying to ease the economic burden on the country.

The opinions expressed here belong to the writers. They do not necessarily reflect the views of the editors or Catalyst as a whole.

My second reason why I don’t think we should take politicians to court for breaking promises, is there is no need to. We have regular elections at all 23

Breaking the Obsession Maeve Kerr-Crowley, @tweetsbymaevekc Image by Charlotte Scales

When I finally pulled down all my One Direction posters, I cried.

of making us love them. They sell a fantasy, and we eat it up.

I was 17 years old, and the choice was entirely mine. But this wasn’t just a change in décor. To me, it was the end of a three-year relationship.

For me, the fantasy wasn’t particularly complicated. Cute, non-threatening, just-oldenough-to-be-exciting boys were exactly what was missing from my everyday life. In reality, the only people who had ever asked me out were one boy who’d been suspended for flashing girls on Skype, and another who brought his own wisdom teeth to school in a jar. But Liam Payne asking me to be his girlfriend mid-concert while he sang about my eyes in front of thousands of people? I wish I was exaggerating, but this is exactly the scene I wrote in my fanfiction.

A casual observer would have called it an obsession. So would my mum, friends, and anyone who had to spend time with me between the ages of 14 and 17. But it wasn’t just an obsession. In my heart, I was really, truly in love. Until I wasn’t. The pain of any break up is going to be relative to how invested you are in that relationship. When it came to my love affair with One Direction, I was very invested. I owned every album, made my own t-shirts to wear to concerts, and stood outside Crown for six hours during the 2012 Logies just to hear them sing through a wall for five minutes. I also spent two years writing a 60 chapter, selfinsert One Direction fanfiction that was quite popular in certain circles — not that I’m bragging.

Things were good for three tumultuous (but blissful) years. They released albums, I cried in my room while listening. I tweeted them daily — they didn’t reply. The kind of back and forth that romcoms are made of. But even the brightest sparks can fade, and like the still-sweet boyfriend you’re just not that into anymore, there came a day when I had to break up with One Direction. It wasn’t them, it was me. They’d done nothing wrong. But we were different people than we were back in 2011. The relationship wasn’t exciting anymore and I got bored. I realised I was embarrassed to talk about them. I’m not proud of this embarrassment. Nobody should be

Celebrity obsessions are unavoidable when you’re a teenager with a vivid imagination, a heart full of love and a lot of time on your hands. Musicians, actors and other famous, pretty people are packaged and presented with the express purpose 24

embarrassed by what makes them happy, but I couldn’t deny that it was a sign. When I loved them — I mean really, truly loved them with every fibre of my 15-year-old being — I’d never cared what people thought of my interests.

own way, and I couldn’t look back. That being said, Harry Styles can definitely still call me.

I was over One Direction but admitting it was hard. I still get a little sad looking back on those years. The memories are bittersweet. The people I went to concerts with and graciously let date the other members in my epic fanfiction adventure aren’t my friends anymore, rather relationships I grew out of as I got older.

- You pull down that last poster. - You donate your tour shirts to the op shop. - You no longer imagine far-fetched romantic scenarios while awake, asleep or anywhere in between. - You stop defensively arguing that every member is hot. - You unfollow their mums on Instagram (questioning why you ever followed them in the first place). - You can voice minor criticisms without feeling like a shameful little traitor. - You delete your entire Twitter because cleansing it of all the ‘notice me’ tweets is just too daunting an undertaking. - You illegally download their new album instead of buying the deluxe edition the second it comes out.

How you know the obsession’s over:

As tinged with embarrassment as my memories might be, I can’t begrudge my younger self her fantasies and obsessions. There’s a certain kind of unashamed passion and creativity that only a 15-year-old in love can know, and the most nostalgic parts of me miss that. I think I could learn a lot about love, loyalty and friendship from the girl I was then. But like Gabriella crying as she told Troy she had to go her own way in High School Musical 2, so too did I shed tears as I folded up my life-sized Liam Payne poster and placed it reverently in the recycling bin. It was finally time for me to go my

Time for a Spring clean

The City of Melbourne is helping residents clean up this spring – for free! E-waste recycling day Saturday 21 October, 10am – 3pm Don’t know what to do with old or unwanted computers, printers, mobile phones, cords, TVs, DVD players or other small household appliances? Take your items to Queensbridge Square, Southbank (commercial quantities not accepted) and E-waste recycling experts TechCollect will collect them for free!

Hard waste collection days Need to get rid of an old fridge, mattress or broken furniture? We’ll collect it for free! If you live in a high rise apartment building, talk to your building manager to organise a collection. If you live in a house, flat or unit, book in for one of the following collection dates: Visit melbourne.vic.gov.au/ springclean to find out more and make our booking.

Go green and get rewarded, sign up to Green Money and take the Spring Clean challenge at melbourne.greenmoney. com.au. Earn points that can be redeemed for free coffee, discount movie tickets and more! Visit melbourne.vic.gov.au/springclean or call 9658 9658

City of Melbourne residents can also book free garden organics collections! Visit melbourne.vic.gov.au/springclean to find out what hard waste, garden organics and e-waste will and won’t be accepted.

Garden organics collections! Don’t bin your garden prunings, branches, lawn clippings and leaves. Bundle them up and we’ll collect them for free. This is a regular service available to residents every month, all year round.

Taylor Bonin

@taybon

Red Flags Words and illustration by Meg McKenna, @MegMcKenna97

the first stages of attraction and connection in a relationship.

What are the deciding factors between swiping left or right on Tinder? Is it their facial structure? A photo of their dog? Do they have a cringe-worthy bio?

The research also points out that some of the people who saw themselves as less desirable rated their deal makers as more important than their deal breakers . For example, if I saw myself as a 1/10, I could think it’s unreasonable to have a list of strong deal breakers because I couldn’t afford to hinder any chance of a relationship... harsh, but that’s what the science says.

Since the dawn of time, authors, philosophers, academics and poets have tried to figure out why humans choose one romantic or sexual partner over another. The fact is, we all have our own deal makers and deal breakers. In other words, there are positive attributes we search for in a special somebody and there are traits that we certainly do not want in a partner.

Naturally, you’re going to have different concerns about someone you’re spending one night with, in comparison to someone you’re in a serious relationship with. The studies have proved our deal breakers change in terms of relationship type. There are deal breakers you may not discover over just one night - like anger issues or selfishness - and on the other hand, there’s time to get used to an overt deal breaker - like greasy hair or smoking during a long-term relationship.

According to science, the deal breakers have a greater effect on one’s interest in a potential mate. The research article by the Society for Personality and Social Psychology looks at six different studies with 6,500 participants and focuses specifically on the traits people avoid in potential partners.

Granted, there is no perfect partner prototype that fits everyone. A major red flag for one person could be a bright green light for others. So what are our major deal breakers? I asked a bunch of students to find out.

According to one study, taking on a ‘bad’ partner is generally seen as costlier than sussing a ‘good’ one, depending on what you define as ‘good’ and ‘bad’. So that means, any traits signalling a ‘bad’ partner have evolved to become a bigger deal than the positive traits. This is especially obvious during 34

Hannah | 20 “I know it’s low, but if they have bad teeth, I just don’t find them attractive. Yes, I am aware that I don’t have the perfect set of teeth and I think that’s what makes me feel worse about it”. Josh | 24 “If a girl can’t tell me what her problem is without only dropping hints or whatever, nah I can’t do it. I don’t like playing games”. Sam | 29 “They need to have drive and ambition. Laziness and a lack of vision aren’t attractive, I want a partner that works just as hard as I do”. Holly | 22 “Smoking, excessive drinking and hard drugs. Actually, I don’t know if I would even be able to tolerate weed”. Kimmy | 32 “They’ve gotta have the same world views as me. Nothing is worse than being three months into a relationship and finding out that your partner fully believes the moon landing was fake. That didn’t happen to me... But it could if you don’t ask the deep questions early on, you know?” Rachel | 19 “If it’s casual sex or a full blown relationship, they cannot smell bad. Just no. It’s such a deal breaker for me. Seriously. Cleaning yourself isn’t hard”. James | 25 “If someone is racist. Yeah, pretty major deal breaker”. Brooke | 23 “I really don’t like beards. It’s probably the texture or something. I can’t get past the fact they’re like pubes on the bottom of their face. Sorry, that’s a bit graphic”. Fraser | 29 “If they can’t trust me. I didn’t think of it as a deal breaker until I was in quite a serious relationship... I’d wake up to find her looking through my phone, she’d call continuously when I wasn’t home and she was always keeping up with who I was following on social media. It was exhausting, and I had nothing to hide”. Ben | 22 “If someone’s down to date me, I know your standards are too low that I shouldn’t bother with you.” 35

Habits and Breaking Them Frankie Reid, @FrancescaGReid Image by Adam Hogan

Rebar has dedicated a vast chunk of her professional life to studying habits, and how they can be broken. “Habits develop when our brains make ‘mental associations’,” she says.

Everyone’s got habits, ranging from normal, to toxic, to downright bizarre. They’re developed for a variety of reasons; most commonly out of anxiety, utilised as a coping mechanism. Some just come about as a childhood quirk. Eventually, they can become so ingrained in one’s everyday behaviour almost to the point that they can’t be broken.

“So, if you do the same behaviour over-and-over again when you feel a certain way or are in the same situation and the behaviour makes you feel better, then you’ll tend to repeat it.” A habit as deeply ingrained as Lily’s is the sort of habit Rebar suggests is difficult to break, even though it’s damaging her physical health.

Lily Ord first began her kooky habit as a child; constantly walking around on the balls of her feet. As soon as she arrives home or removes her shoes, Lily will automatically begin walking on her toes, something she’s done for as long as her family can remember. “I can’t even remember when I started. My parents said I’ve been walking that way since I was a toddler and was learning to walk,” she says.

“The bad news is that habits are pretty resilient and hard to change. The good news is that you don’t have to ‘break habits’ – you can simply replace bad habits for better ones,” she explains. “For example, if you tend to bounce your leg (and shake the table) when you’re sitting with other people, pay attention to what’s going on when you start bouncing your leg. If you start bouncing your leg in response to the ‘cue’ of getting bored, then maybe you can replace that behavioural response with something a little less pervasive – such as rotating your ankle.”

In regards to the impact this habit has on Lily, it’s negatively affecting her physical health. “I think I probably could [stop], and I really should, since I’m pretty sure it’s actually damaging my feet,” she says. “But at the moment, I’m not doing anything to stop it.” Just as bizarre are the habits of young musician Dougal James. “Often when I am walking alone I will sing random tunes along to the beat of my footsteps - under my breath. Really quietly, kind of like a quasi-whistle.” Dougal began this habit in early primary school on his walks to and from school; before he had an iPod to listen to music. “I’ve never really thought of it as anything other than an innocuous habit. But I’m sure it has some form of therapeutic nature as music is a pretty calming thing to me,” he says. Unlike Lily, Dougal’s unusual habit has no real impact on his health. “I don’t think I would be able to break it, there isn’t really any reason to stop anyway.”

A habit that can potentially cause physical harm, such as Lily’s, may not be able to be broken, but it can be retrained to something less detrimental. Rebar continues, “if you stick with this over time, you can retrain your brain to have a different - less interruptive - habit. If changing your bad habit isn’t working, the other option is to change your environment to avoid the cues that are triggering your bad habits.” However, something like Dougal’s singing is one of those harmless quirks that most of us tend to have. While they seem to come from anywhere, the eventual familiarity of habits can be a soothing comfort.

The psyche of habits and how they’re broken is a topical issue for psychologists and neuroscientists, including Amanda Rebar - a professor at Central Queensland University’s psychology department. 37

Fri(end)s Vivian Hu Image by Matilda Holmberg

often I felt aimless and isolated. My friendship had formed part of my identity and influenced the way others looked at me. Amongst the wider school community, most of my peers still viewed Lily, Emma and I as an unbreakable trio. If I was no longer part of this fun little group, what did I have to offer by myself?

Last year, I decided to break off contact with Lily* and Emma*, my two best friends. There was no earth-shattering betrayal and no malicious sabotage but I realised over many months I was being pushed away from them, but they seemed as happy as ever. I thought of them as my closest confidants, but they didn’t share this sentiment. I began to feel lonely and isolated in the company of the two people I once enjoyed spending all my time and trusted all my secrets with.

This friendship breakup gave me a lot of free time. Much of it was spent feeling lonely and purposeless, but it was also peaceful and introspective. I no longer went to bed reeling when Lily and Emma shared their inside jokes in front of me, then dismissed and excluded me when I didn’t understand. I began to spend more time with other people, without my two-person safety net I had conveniently fallen back on over the years. Over the Summer I attended parties and events which I may not have in my old routine, and subsequently met my boyfriend. Cutting those ties made starting University less jarring as I had already spent months on my own.

It was no longer the three of us. It was Lily and Emma. And sometimes me, when they were bored or remembered that I was part of that friendship circle. I spent months wondering if I should simply ‘stick it out’ – after all, this was the pointy end of Year 12 and every friendship goes through rough patches, right? I thought if I could wait until the end of the year; I’d be less stressed, I could re-evaluate and if I still wanted to break it off, I wouldn’t be forced to see them everyday.

Coming from someone who watched The Butterfly Effect at a young and impressionable age, I believe the fateful twists and turns of my life would never have happened if it weren’t for the decision I made. There was plenty of loneliness, despair and wondering if I would ever form deep connections with fellow humans ever again, but the experience gave me a chance to reconnect with myself, listen to my gut and find my own identity.

But after bringing up my feelings with them, trying to have a constructive and open conversation and being brushed off, I decided enough was enough and stopped speaking to them altogether. Several slow-burning months of anger, isolation and embarrassment ended abruptly as I ignored all their text messages and completely avoided them at school. Was it the most mature, constructive way to end a relationship? Probably not.

*In order to protect Lily and Emma’s identities, Catalyst has not published their real names

On social media, we are encouraged to ‘cut toxic people out of our lives’ and to stay away from ‘negative energy’. But what if the ‘toxic’ people are your go-to bus partner, study buddy, person you’d call if you wanted to chat, procrastinate or watch trashy TV with to distract you from tough times? This makes identifying unhealthy relationships so much harder – after all people don’t walk around with hazard signs hovering above their heads. During this turbulent period, I felt extremely pressured to seem as though I was 110% better off without my two former best friends. But I was at a time in high school where everyone had established firm friendship groups and were planning schoolies, overseas trips, clubbing nights and celebrating the years spent together. I wanted to feel like Destiny’s Child’s ‘Survivor’ but really, I was more like Celine Dion’s ‘All By Myself’. Don’t get me wrong, I did have other close friends who were very supportive during this time. But 39

Break-ups, Make-ups, and Defamation? Tessa Randello, @trandello_44 Illustration by Annie Cooper, @kizmo_design

public documents), qualified privilege, political discussion, honest opinion and public interest. Often these problematic stories are a result of reader demands for sensation drama, meaning stories are exaggerated to drive magazine sales.

Leaving the supermarket, it’s hard not to be distracted by the front pages of gossip magazines demanding your attention. Brimming with full page scandalous pictures of Brad Pitt in “WHO?!”, and a four page spread speculating on who this seasons Bachelor now has his eyes on because of that low cut dress she wore. As much as we might not want to, we can’t help but sink our teeth into the latest celeb pregnancies, couples and break-ups.

But why are we drawn to the front page of a glossy magazine to read about a messy breakup? Research by the Pew Research Centre and University of Michigan in the field of social neuroscience suggests it might be because of our ‘negativity bias’ which instinctively draws us to bad news. As humans, we tend to detect threats in the lives of others, interpret the causes and effects and try to avoid the same mistakes in our own lives.

Not all tabloid magazines are dramatic and circulate ridiculous rumours, but why does a celebrity break-up story turn our heads? “From my experience as an entertainment reporter, it’s tension and conflict that readers flock to in any story. By their nature, break-ups usually have that in spades,” says Nick Bond, a reporter for News.com.

This is why Bond finds himself regularly writing break-up stories to keep his audience happy, although they are not his favourite to write. “At the end of the day, it’s all fluff and light entertainment, so any celeb story I can write up in a way that would elicit a laugh from a reader is the stuff I most enjoy,” he said.

The best-selling stories are the break-ups between A-list celebs, as they have the most potential for ongoing stories. Bond explains that “it’s when they’re both famous that public interest multiplies exponentially”. He will even find himself writing about the same breakup from different angles, months after it happens, just to keep the saga going.

The process of researching a break-up story is different than an international or local story. Bond said “there’s more distance with a big international couple like Brad and Ange - usually we’re relying on information (or often gossip) that’s been reported in US publications, at times it becomes a bit like Chinese whispers in a situation like that”.

As we lap up the gossip and speculation about why a marriage ended, the ‘exclusive’ photos become more ambiguous and the rumoured affairs keep stacking up. Slowly, the stories stray further from the relatable and into the ridiculous. So how are magazines allowed to publish this material?

As gossip based stories are published in mass, they quite often break defamation laws on the regular. Despite the law, Australian publications continue to spread the latest celebrity gossip from their so-called ‘sources’. The worrying trend is that celebrities aren’t always launching lawsuits to clear their name and reputation if they are defamed because of the expansive, long and expensive process of the trial.

Well technically they aren’t. The Victorian Defamation Act 2005 dictates journalists and media companies can’t publish defamatory information about any person, celeb status or otherwise. And breaking this law can see you hauled in front of a court. These cases are not always straight forward, the plaintiff has to prove the publication or journalist has negatively affected their reputation which holds them in contempt, ridicule or hatred in the public eye.

So never fear, you are not alone in your guilty pleasure for indulging in juicy break-up gossip… because it’s a human instinct. And because of this, there is a shit load of money to be made, so your (quite possibly) made up stories are going nowhere fast.

Unfortunately for celebrities, ridicule makes an entertaining story. “I love the lighter, sillier side of pop culture”, Bond says. “Give me an awards show, a dumb celebrity feud or an awkward red-carpet interview over a marriage break-up any day”. But these light-hearted stories can be defended in court - as long as the publisher or journalist can prove the information is accurate and true. Publications can also argue other defences, including fair report (accurate representation of 41

A Chat with Mark from Aunty Donna Claudia Long, @ClaudiaLongsSays

was the reception like with those international audiences? US audiences are probably the most enthusiastic audiences in the world. They’re so up for a good time, it’s unbelievable. We did 15 or 17 shows or something across about 3 weeks there, and every single one - except one or two - were standing ovations. People just spring to their feet you really don’t get that in the UK and Australia.

He may be one of this country’s toughest bikies, but you probably know Mark Samual Bonanno from his day job as one third of local comedy group Aunty Donna. The boys are back in town later this month to treat home audiences to a double bill, off the back of a critically acclaimed international tour. Oh, haven’t they done well!

Edinburgh audiences are the toughest, your show at 10pm is about the third or fourth show they’ve seen that day, so you’ve really got to impress them. You can’t get away with anything which is a bit shit, but it’s also good because it’s where we work hardest. It’s a good thing for performers and writers to do. London is probably my favourite place to perform in the whole wide world, it’s where our most feverish fans are. Over the times we’ve gone to London, every time we’ve gone to bigger venues, and every time we’ve sold out before we’ve stepped foot in the city.

They’ll be performing 2016’s now-old New Show, alongside 2017’s Helpmann Award-nominated Big Boys. Mark sat down with Catalyst to talk sharks, cheeky tea breaks, and being a Big Boy... Do any of you actually have an Aunty Donna? No, the way that the name came about a lot of our uncles are fishermen, in fact they all know each other which is how we know each other. And as fishermen, they always talked about this one giant gummy shark. They referred to it as their white whale, and they called it Donna. We always thought it was a woman, you know, like an Aunty Donna.

So what’s it like coming back to Australia after that reception? Dog shit! Nah, coming back to Australia is really nice, we usually end the year with that kind of thing. We have crazy fans in Australia don’t get

You’ve recently toured the US and UK. Aussie humour can be pretty off the wall, but what 42

so when you’re bad it’s not the worst thing in the world. But when you have a good set (at a festival), it’s the fucking best. You guys get pretty weird up on stage, but are there any times the audience has gotten weird with you guys? There’s a sketch I do in Big Boys where I mime a sort of epic story for about two minutes... well, it’s not that epic it’s some stupid story, but it’s silent. In Sydney, someone just called me a horse. Right in the middle of it, while it was silent... in front of about 1600 people at the Enmore.

me wrong, and it’s very much where we cut our teeth - especially in Melbourne. It’s very much our home and we know we can get away with a lot of stuff in Melbourne and Australia because people are so familiar with us here. I think people just like to support us here, and it’s nice that we’re able to do that, to come back and be lucky enough for people to give a shit about what we do. We’re #blessed. You’ve done festivals as well as your stage shows and webseries. How do they stack up? It can be hellfire sometimes, like walking through death because there’s so much going on at festivals. It’s rare people are there just to see you. And out of a whole room, 20 per cent are pissed out of their minds, 40 per cent are totally gacked, a couple are there to see you, and the rest are wanderers. So it’s a very strange experience.

It’s this weird in joke from a while ago, after I posted a picture of me with a horse (on Facebook) and then people photoshopped the shit out of it. It’s been this long running gag, and it really sucked but I called them a piece of shit later so we still managed to get a laugh. Your YouTube videos are really popular as well as your stage work. Do you prefer working to camera, or performing in front of a live audience? They’re very very different things. With film you really get a chance to experiment and you can try things a little smaller and messier. We try to push each in interesting ways that keep us fresh and interested in it. I love both, really.

The first one we did was Latitude in the UK, and we still have people coming up to us and saying that they loved it. They must have been the 40 per cent that were gacked, because it was terrible! It was in a tent where you could hear Noel Gallagher playing fucking Wonderwall on the other side of the field! There’s a lot to contend with, and the odds are against you, 43

Is there anything you can let on about the new webseries, or is it all still a secret? All I can say is I hope we have enough money to make it! In your 1999 webseries you had a video featuring a bloke by the name of Bigoted Bill. We’re hearing a lot about bigotry at the moment with the marriage postal vote, any chance we would see Bigoted Bill return to have his say? We’re all very much pro marriage equality and we want everyone to please for the love of god vote yes. It’s total horseshit that it’s not a thing in this stupid sometimes country. I think Bigoted Bill should definitely come back and tell those fat cats in parliament what’s what. You’re returning to Melbourne this October, performing Big Boys and New Show. Do you have a favourite? Or is that like asking a parent who their favourite kid is? New Show - which is the old show, because we tried to make things very simple for everyone - that one has the best of our stuff from the past few years in it. It’s really fun to hear the reactions, because people already know the sketches and start clapping from the setup of a sketch all because they know it and are excited to see it. Big Boys is really fresh and just came through Edinburgh, and I really like Big Boys - it has my favourite opening we’ve ever done. After all the dancing, I don’t really need to warm up I’m just ready to go. So after this, because you’ve performed both of these shows in the past, what’s the next project... or is it time for a cheeky tea break? I wish it was time for a cheeky tea break but we gotta make that money! We were very lucky last year - it was our full time gig. We’re not making superstar money, but we’re making enough to survive off Aunty Donna alone which is something I never thought would happen and is amazing. We have a desire to write a new live show, which is great! We’re also going to be spending the next couple of months writing a web series, but primarily we’ll be working on the new live show which is both exciting and terrifying. -Aunty Donna will be performing ‘New Show’ and ‘Big Boys’ at the Athenaeum Theatre on Saturday October 28, supported by Demi Lardner. Tickets via Ticketek. 44

Keen to get involved? Of course you are! There's plenty of ways to contribute to Catalyst in 2017 whether it be in our magazine, podcast or online. Get in touch at rmitcatalyst@gmail.com to get started!

When I Grow Up Alex Linton, @alexblinton Image by Taylor Bonin, @taybon

Eventually, I got used to air-dropping into the middle of semester, and eventually I landed with Tom.

You would have to be cartoonishly evil to tell someone to give up on their dreams, but statistics suggest even if you’re just an everyday cynic, you might want to start drafting some demotivational speeches.

Self-assured, arrogant, and clever, Tom knew he was smarter than most people, and he acted like it. He was seduced by the city, and desperate to break free from the small town shackles and head for the neon lights. The emancipation of a small town kid. Just like Warhol.

According to a study published in the Social Forces Journal, only 6% of people end up in the job they wanted when they were a child. But children abandon dreams quickly. It isn’t difficult to realise you’re not likely to earn a living as a Transformer or a Princess. For young adults, though, similar realisations can turn your life upside down - leaving you feeling hopeless.

Three years ago, as he was beginning his VCE, he had already decided it was a waste of time and had cast his mind toward what life would be like when he graduated with his master’s degree. “I kind of thought that I’d be able to pick and choose what I wanted to do with my life,” he said. “Now it seems less and less likely that everything will just fall into place”.

At the childcare centre where I work, the walls are pasted with portraits of staff members holding signs with their dream job at five years old. My boss, Sally, had wanted to be a physiotherapist. It was a goal she kept all through high school. But she struggled with maths, and never followed that path.

“I don’t think my expectations were unrealistic, more that I thought I’d be able to do it so easily. I’m realising now that there are going to be bumps along the way”.

“I wouldn’t trade careers now,” she said, “when I realised it wasn’t going to happen I was shattered, but things have worked out pretty well”.

Tom is still chasing the same goals he was three years ago, and says he’s “still confident he’ll get there,” but his teenage hubris has slowed him down, and he has had to adjust to challenges and competition he didn’t expect.

“I held onto it for a few years, I’d still tell people I wanted to be a physio, and I thought I would be too”.

LIke Tom, I had similar hopes and expectations coming out of school, but this conceited fantasy didn’t last. After arriving at university where everyone seemed so successful, clever, and composed, I quickly went from egocentric to apologetic, and my self-esteem took a serious nose-dive. But, maybe I was just a particularly prickish and self-important teenager; an adolescent monster in the millennial mould.

At the time, Sally thought she been cheated out of the life she’d planned. Looking back however, she realised that things had worked out fairly well. In Jean Piaget’s famous model of developmental psychology, he describes a feeling people experience right as they leave adolescence, which he calls The Personal Fable. This is when where we can overestimate ourselves, and think we are more unique and exceptional than we actually are. It’s a period of development everyone goes through, but the difficulty comes when we set goals, that we might never actually achieve.

Psychologist, Professor Jean Twenge has suggested it’s normal for teens to have a heightened ego and narcissistic traits around the time they leave high school.

As singer Lou Reed sang in Smalltown, “there’s only one good thing about small town/ you know that you want to get out”. The song is a vignette of Andy Warhol’s childhood in Pittsburgh, an upbringing characterised by the distance between the idols who inspired Warhol, and his real life as a sickly social outcast.

Over the years, several close friends have asked me if I felt like I was better than other people. I now suspect seeking validation for their own feelings of egocentrism. Trying to figure out if they were the only ones with a complex.

I personally relate to this, having bounced between small towns all of my life, each seeming more anodyne than the last. I floated between schools.

Falling short of your goals is disappointing, but it’s normal. Aiming high is a completely normal part of entering the golden gates of adulthood.

The straight answer is no.

Skin and Glass Maddy Ruskin, @maddydruskin Illustration by Annie Cooper content warning: this piece contains references to sexual assault, rape and self harm.

i learnt to shudder and shake make myself smaller and curl myself into a cave

i was new mascara thick, lips glossed all wide eyed and eager brushed on a coat of paint a new house all bones and skin and bricks and glass

i wanted to shed my skin i scratched and carved and sliced at your graffiti to feel something that you didn’t cause to show that i was me and mine

the vodka was cheap, teeth clinking on plastic breath warm, eyes glazed chips in the paint and wilted flowerpots a mess - that house

curtains ripped to shreds floorboards smashed to splinters, crumbled ceilings i drenched the house in gasoline empty, shaking and desperate

towards the end, you came up to me and we were all alone in the room and i should have known when you sat too close to me

the match was struck but i didn’t need to burn myself to cinders why rise like a phoenix from the ashes for i had no beak, no wings and no feathers

when you saw my disorientation as an invitation to a party that i never threw when instead of being my friend, you stuck your tongue so far down my throat that you hollowed me out marking your territory by carving out my insides branding your name into my windpipe snapping my connection to my voice box

i was skin and heart and woman i stripped away the decaying wood and tore weeds from the soil i scraped the etchings from the walls paint flakes and blood in my nails sometimes i catch a glimpse of your name on the walls but your graffiti doesn’t remind me of you

i shut down and closed the gate on myself while someone came and etched their name into me, over and over again until I couldn’t see an inch of myself that wasn’t covered in them

it reminds me of a house whose foundations shuddered and buckled but they didn’t give in

you painted yourself on me in the dead of night when no one was home, when no one could answer the door

it reminds me of a girl who was forced out of a house that belonged to her her body is her own my body is my home

it was you who defaced me the house became abandoned no one had been inside for months all overgrown weeds and uncollected mail 49

Sleep Paralysis Patrick Hooton Illustration by Johanna Quinn

Suddenly, it latches onto my legs and pulls itself onto the bed. Scorching fingernails pierce my legs as it drags itself forward hand by hand. Lumbering slowly and with calculated patience does it work higher, ever forward. I can feel its constant weight travel upon my disabled legs.

It’s being stuck in a living nightmare. It’s something which burns in the obscurity between waking and sleeping. As my body lays paralysed, I am visited by a malicious hallucination which stands at the edge of my vision, watching, while I cannot move. Often, this dream-like phantom does more than just watch, but fear swallows me before I have a chance to make any sense of it. But I am not the only one stuck in this tangible fiction.

It won’t stop coming towards me. Mouth of teeth. Black Pressure, it won’t stop. Inevitably it grows closer. I try to yell but I can’t find my voice. It won’t stop. Can’t awake, I’m not sleeping. Can’t fall asleep, I’m not awake. All engulfing terror takes hold of me. It stares without eyes.

Sleep paralysis has many names; Gawi Nulim the Night Hag, Egyptian Jinn or Mongolian Kara Darahu – The Black Pressure. Old as humanity, before time, this apparition is ancient.

It won’t stop.

For as long as we have slept it has been there, for every dream and nightmare something worse it embodies. Sleep paralysis lets this fiend to crawl from our nightmares and into existence where it wholly shatters every perception or reality.

Paused in static horror. It won’t stop. It brings itself onto my chest. And it stops.

One night upon floating cushions did I unsuspectingly falter, did I sleep too deeply or wake too lightly? Disjointedly my mind awakes, yet my body sleeps – eyes wide open and yet trying not to see. My paralysis often happens after my eyes have opened, paused and forced to watch. The familiar becomes perverted into a twisted theatre, echoing and distorting the room. Aphotic tendrils keep my eyes open, forcing me to notice it standing at the edge of my bed – sharing the room with me.

It claws into me, pushing the air from my lungs. Deeper and deeper into my chest. I can’t breathe. Black Pressure surrounds me. Squeezing out breath from between my lips. Choking. It stops me. The movement of a finger. The twitch of a ligament. My body returns to my possession as the paralysis fades. I am pulling the veil away. It hesitates a moment perched upon my chest.

I search for control: the twitch of a finger, legs by which to run, but there is no escape from this fiendish visitor. It takes shape before my unwilling eyes, growing into clarity and gaining solidity. It is small in height and build but exudes terror from its every move and snarl. The disdain it has for me hangs in the cool air, sending waves of panic crashing against my skull.

The nightmarish spectre. Dreaming ghoul. Night Hag gone! It vanishes as if never there. I suck in deep long drawn breaths filling my heaving chest. The room is empty and I am alone. I hope I am either awake or asleep – wherever I am, it is no longer. 51

Breakfast Recipes Courtney Gallert, @courtgallert Illustration by Charlotte Scales

Nan’s Pancakes

It’s no secret that we all love breakfast. There’s nothing like the hustle and bustle of wait-staff serving eggs and avocado, and the wonderful smell of coffee wafting through the air.

Serves: Approx. 4 people Enjoy these comforting cakes with lashings of butter and a splash of maple syrup. Alternatively, squeeze fresh lemon over the top and sprinkle with sugar.

The only downfall to arguably the best meal of the day, is the insane amount of money we are willing to dish out for it. Whether avocados are in season or not, the hefty price tag that comes with many of these dishes is, quite frankly, ridiculous. Despite this, we continue to willingly hand over our cash— the gloriousness of breakfast seemingly worth it.

Ingredients: 1/3 cup sugar 1/2 tsp. vanilla essence 3 eggs 1.5 cups self-raising flour 3/4 cup milk

But let me introduce you to the century-old recipe of Nan’s pancakes and the healthy-but-tasty kale and corn fritters. Both are simple to make (really, they are!) and just about beat the cafes. Add the customary coffee and you’ll not only be saving your bank account, but your precious time as well.

Method: Beat eggs and sugar until light and fluffy. Add vanilla essence. Gradually mix in flour until smooth. Add milk, approximately 1/3 at a time. The batter should be light and smooth. Heat pan, greased with butter. Add two to three tablespoons of the mixture to the pan and swirl it around evenly. When bubbles begin to form on the surface, gently edge a spatula underneath and flip when it holds its shape. Cook the other side for approximately 30 seconds. When cooked, serve on plates with your desired toppings.

Kale and Corn Fritters Serves: Approx. 4 people These crunchy morsels are a healthier breakfast option, but you wouldnâ&#x20AC;&#x2122;t know it! Fresh vegetables combine with a tasty batter to produce a fritter of perfection. Add softly poached eggs and you have yourself a breakfast masterpiece. Ingredients: 1 cup self-raising flour Pinch of salt and pepper 2 eggs 1/2 cup milk 2 cups kale, washed and drained with leaves finely chopped 2 corn cobs, kernels roughly chopped 3 spring onions, finely chopped Optional: 1/2 cup capsicum, finely chopped Optional: Poached eggs, to serve ***If capsicum is not used, add 1/2 cup extra corn kernels. Method In a large bowl, combine flour, salt and pepper in a large bowl. In a small bowl, whisk together the eggs and milk. Gradually add the egg mixture to the dry ingredients, whisking until smooth. Add the kale, corn, spring onions and capsicum and mix well. Heat 2 tablespoons of olive oil in a pan. Add large tablespoons of the batter to the pan and flatten. In batches, cook the fritters for 2-3 minutes per side, or until crunchy and golden brown. Poach eggs as desired. Serve the fritters with poached eggs on top. 54