PERSPECTIVE

Wahhhhh!

Tantrums are no fun for anyone

We all get angry. It’s just part of being human. It’s what we do with our anger that oftentimes determines how happy we are and how happy those around us are. If you’re 2 years old, you might throw a tantrum and it seems that you’ll throw that tantrum at the most inopportune time and place, at least from your parents’ perspective. From your view, it’s the most effective setting. Lynn Nichols does a great job, in her feature this month, walking us through the cause of tantrums and effective ways to work with your child as they melt down into an unrecognizable pool of emotion.

Of course, learning to deal with our anger is a life-long journey. In the worst-case scenarios, anger devolves to hatred and blame. But let’s stick with just regular anger for now. We tend to get angry when we don’t get what we want:

“I was really hoping that you could go with me to the shopping center on Saturday, but no, I see you have way more important things to do than spend time with me!” Or when we get something we don’t want:

“These eggs are over-medium not over-easy like I ordered! I can’t stand when they do that! Breakfast is ruined!”

So we got angry. It’s as natural as taking the next breath. What do we do with it?

I’ve read, somewhere that I can’t remember but I really did, that the initial anger response lasts for 90 seconds and then it leaves, goes away, departs for good. After that we have to fuel that anger with our thoughts to keep it going. It’s like a runaway train that only has enough fuel to go one mile but if we keep pumping in diesel, it’ll keep roaring down the tracks until something stops it and that’s probably going to be ugly. And if we keep fueling it, it can even morph into hatred.

I think that’s why we were always told growing up to count to 10 when we were angry. We need a break from the emotions that are screaming at us.

Let’s say that we tried this out and we successfully let the anger go, let the strong emotion dissolve into space. We didn’t just repress it, choke down and suck it up as they say, because it’s going to come boiling back sometime. What do we do now? We still didn’t want an over-medium egg and we still want you to go to the mall with me.

Ideally, once that strong emotion has exited, we have an opportunity to have a discussion.

This is a big topic and we’re going to have to leave some for later, like aren’t there legitimate times to be angry and let that anger drive you to help make change?

Anyway, I hope that we all feel a little less stress as we go about our lives with a little more regularity. I try to remember, sometimes more successfully than others, that everyone is still feeling a little more wound up than normal.

Let’s all give ourselves and everyone around us little break. We could use it!

Scott

APRIL 2022 • Volume 25, Issue 11

PUBLISHER Scott Titterington, (970)221-9210 scott.rmpublishing@gmail.com EDITOR Kristin Titterington, (970)221-9210 kristin.rmpublishing@gmail.com CREATIVE DIRECTOR Emily Zaynard emily.rmpublishing@gmail.com ADVERTISING SALES DIRECTOR Greg Hoffman, (970)689-6832 greg.rmpublishing@gmail.com DISTRIBUTION MANAGER Susan Harting susan.rmpublishing@gmail.com COVER PHOTO Cheri Schonfeld www.skysopendesign.com CONTRIBUTING WRITERS Theresa Baer, Lea Hanson, Luli Harrison Lynn U. Nichols, Kim Sharpe

ROCKY MOUNTAIN PUBLISHING PO Box 740 Fort Collins, CO 80522 Voice 221-9210 • Fax 221-8556 editor@rockymountainpub.com www.RMParent.com

Rocky Mountain Parent magazine is published monthly by Rocky Mountain Publishing, Inc. Publication of this paper does not consitute an endorsement of the products or services advertised. RMP reserves the right to refuse any advertisement for any reason. The opinions expressed by contributors or writers do not necessarily reflect the opinions of Rocky Mountain Publishing. ©2022 Rocky Mountain Publishing, Inc. All rights reserved. Reproduction without express written permission is prohibited.

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