Parenting Town&Gown’s
Yum! Getting young kids, such as Gavin Krauss of Bellefonte, to eat their greens can be a challenge, but parents are finding ways to promote healthy eating for their children
2017
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2017 P a r e nt i ng - 1
PARENTING 6 Letter from the Editor 8 Cures for Cabin Fever County offers plenty of activities and fun for kids and families during winter months • by Jodi Morelli
12 What’s on My Plate? Parents promote early nutritious habits by showing children how to make healthy choices • by Samantha Chavanic
Communication, understanding, and respect help parents stay connected to one another after the birth of a child • by Samantha Chavanic
1. SOPHIA 2. EMMA 3. OLIVIA 4. AVA 5. MIA
Support is available for children with mental health needs • by Mary Walsh
24 Social Media Savvy Parents and doctors work together to keep kids safe online • by Christopher Heron, MD
26 From Miss
Independent to Mom
18 Keep in Touch
GIRLS
22 The Courage to Ask for Help
Lessons learned of a first-time parent • by Meghan Fritz
On the Cover: Photo by Darren Andrew Weimert
2016
BOYS R
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2017 P a r e nt i ng - 5
Letter from the Editor In late December, as 2016 was about to become 2017, many people on social media wrote about how 2016 was just a horrible year and that they were ready for it to end and for 2017 to begin. The main reasons for this sentiment, I gathered, were because of the presidential campaign and the number of celebrities who died in 2016. If you’re a parent — and if you’re reading this publication, I’m guessing you are — and you had a year where you spent quality time with your kids, or maybe you became a parent for the first time or welcomed a second, third, or whatever number child home, then was it really that bad of a year? What’s one of the most common sentences you’ll hear from parents when they talk about children? “They grow up so fast!” Indeed they do! If you’re on Facebook, you’ve likely had “Your Memories” pop up,
showing you a photo you posted from a year ago or several years ago. And if those photos show your children, you’ve likely paused in amazement about how much they’ve grown and changed. It doesn’t seem that long ago that my wife and I brought home our firstborn. Now he’s in second grade! He’s riding a school bus and playing sports and is an older brother to his now 3-year-old brother. Where did the time go!? So 2016 was a year, even with everything else happening in the world, to enjoy time with your child or children. What a blessing. And now we’re into 2017, meaning another year to do the same! David Pencek Editorial Director dpenc@barashmedia.com
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2017 P a r e nt i ng - 7
CURES FOR
CABIN FEVER County offers plenty of activities and fun for kids and families during winter months By Jodi Morelli Keeping kids active during the winter months can be a daunting task. It’s easy for kids to stay inside, curl up on the couch, and plug in to whatever electronic device has captured their attention. But winter can actually be a great time for families to reconnect and spend some quality time together after the hustle and bustle of the holidays. The beginning of the new year is a perfect time to make a family resolution to get active and plan some fun time together — whether indoors or outdoors. All it takes is some inspiration, motivation, and creativity. Parents can rest assured that there are plenty of opportunities in and around Centre County to keep kids busy this winter season. Denise McCann, division director of Community Based Services at the Youth Service Bureau (YSB) and a mother herself, says simple things such as games and baking can be a fun way to spend a cold, snowy evening. “Learn new card games as a family. My kids
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love cards,” she says. “Also, creative baking. Make cupcakes and have white frosting with different colors and sprinkles for kids to decorate and frost the cupcakes. You can do the same thing with sugar cookies.” She also suggests having kids help with minor household maintenance and repair projects or build something together so they are learning skills they will need later while also spending time together. In McCann’s work with YSB, she oversees youth programming that is focused on engaging local kids served by the agency in fun activities, which means she and her staff need to be creative in program planning. For instance, in the Big Brothers Big Sisters mentoring program, volunteers are often wondering what types of activities to do with their “Littles” when time outdoors isn’t always possible. Her staff has come up with suggestions that they share with their volunteers that cover everything from cooking to indoor picnics or tea parties to a Do It Yourself spa day to an indoor obstacle course. McCann says that when weather permits, families can have fun outdoors, as well. “Bundle up and go sledding at Slab Cabin or tubing at Tussey Mountain. First Fridays [in downtown State College] is another thing to do,” she says. She also suggests high school sporting events, such as cheering on your school’s
For families who enjoy the outdoors, tubing at Tussey Mountain is a popular activity.
The YMCA in State College offers indoor rock climbing.
wrestling or basketball teams, and checking out the local YMCA, as those facilities often have gym space available for kids to play. Steve Greecher, aquatic/youth director at the Bellefonte YMCA, says that the county’s Y facilities always have something happening for both kids and parents, no matter the season. “As a YMCA, we always have something going on to benefit the community, no matter what time of year. No one gets turned away,” he says. According to Greecher, the goal of the YMCA is to strengthen the community. In doing this, the local YMCAs have programs year-round for kids and adults alike to help keep them active and healthy. In Greecher’s role, he partners with students in Penn State’s Recreation, Parks, and Tourism Management (RPTM) 356 classes to set up special events for the community. This semester, the students will get hands-on experience planning and running a Healthy Kids’ Day event on April 1, which is free and open to all kids and families. He says that events such as this are historically well
attended and show families that being and staying active can benefit parents and kids in all areas of their life. In terms of programs happening this winter, Greecher says that gymnastics and swimming lessons are always popular activities to keep kids moving during cold weather. The Y also offers preschool basketball, which teaches players fundamentals of the game and introduces kids to being part of a team. “It’s not about how much they learn but that they have a positive experience. We are here to provide positive experiences to kids. We want to introduce kids to being part of a team,” Greecher says. “They can form bonds with other kids here and build their confidence.” 2017 P a r e nt i ng - 9
He says that keeping or maintaining fitness and activity routines during the winter months is important because it establishes a healthy foundation for kids that they can build on during the year. “It sets great habits throughout the year. They learn that there is always a way for them to stay active, no matter what the weather is like outside,” he says. In addition to the YMCA, Centre County has other opportunities for kids to stay active over the next few months. Centre Elite Gymnastics and Nittany Gymnastics Academy in State College have various programs and classes. Discovery Space of Central PA, located on Foster Avenue in State College, has plenty events happening this winter. Michele Crowl, director of education at Discovery Space, says that January and February are actually busy times of the year for kids who want to be creative. “All of January and February we host ‘Makeuary!’ Each week of Makeuary offers a new activity that children and families can make and create together. This year, there are
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The children’s area at Schlow Centre Region Library is a popular place for parents to visit with their kids.
ways to upgrade those activities by adding lights or 3D-printed components,” she says. She adds that she sees an increase in attendance anytime the weather is less than ideal. Discovery Space serves kids of all ages, from babies to teens. During the school year, Wednesdays through Fridays, programming is offered for kids under 5, which are free with membership or paid admission, she says. A series of programs for middle school-aged kids is offered on Saturday evenings, typically lasting for three hours. Dinner is provided and a variety of hands-on Science, Technology, Engineering, and Mathematics (STEM) explorations are offered, each one with a specific theme. When schools have scheduled days off, Discovery Space often offers one-day camps for elementaryaged children. When school is in session, Discovery Space staff members are in elementary schools regularly for afterschool programming across State College for Community Education Extended Learning (CEEL), and Bellefonte, Penns Valley, and Bald Eagle school districts. Another place that is available to keep
Kids can enjoy various scientific activities at Discovery Space.
kids busy this time of year is Schlow Centre Region Library in State College. Paula Bannon of the Children’s Services Library says there are lots of activities planned at the library this winter. While there are far too many to list individually, rest assured that kids and
families can find something going on at the library each day of the week. From Saturday Stories Alive to family blockbuilding activities to learning about cultures and languages, there is certainly something for everyone. There are Discovery Days in which kids can create a craft, and Mad Scientist Days to do hands-on experiments, and writers’ workshops for budding authors. Activities for the smaller ones include Baby and Me Lapsit, Baby and Me Movers, Tales for Twos, and the Toddler Learning Centre. Preschoolers are offered their own story-time sessions, and parents can find something to do, too, as they are invited to attend regular parenting discussions. In addition to these and numerous other regular activities held at the library, there also are a variety of special events scheduled during the winter months. With all the possibilities in Centre County, parents can have a quick response the next time their child says, “I’m bored.” T&G Jodi Morelli is a freelance writer who lives in Pleasant Gap.
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Darren Andrew Weimert
Chelsea Kraus (left) of Bellefonte has introduced her son, Gavin (1), to healthy foods at a young age.
What’s on My
Plate?
Parents promote early nutritious habits by showing children how to make healthy choices
By Samantha Chavanic
2017 P a r e nt i ng - 13
C
hildren are always watching, especially in their earliest years. They learn by observing their parents — processing and copying sounds and behaviors, and even food choices. It’s possible that these food choices can impact children before birth. According to Kathleen Keller, Mark T. Greenberg Early Career Professor for Children’s Health and Development and assistant professor in the departments of nutritional science and food science at Penn State, flavors can be passed to a baby through the mother’s amniotic fluid and through breastfeeding. She encourages parents to make healthy choices for themselves as early in their children’s lives as possible. “It’s actually protective to expose the child to the flavors that are going to be available to eat during the family’s life so that when the child is born they have foods that will be acceptable to them,” she says. “The sooner that you can start these exposures, the more likely it is that the child is going to become familiar with the foods and be able to eat them throughout their lives.” She believes that children are very susceptible to forming habits, good or bad. If they are exposed to healthy habits by their parents, it’s more likely that they will keep those habits in their teenage and adult years. If children are exposed to bad habits, these also can continue into later life, as they are extremely hard to break. With all this in mind, parents should ask themselves, “What’s on my plate?” and expose their children to healthy eating habits as early as possible. Parents can begin to introduce babies to healthy eating options as soon as they begin to eat solid-type foods. Keller says it is up to parents whether they choose to begin with pureed, prepackaged baby food, or regular table food prepared in ways babies can handle, such as mashed or cooked and cut appropriately. Either way, she says some of the table foods parents can first introduce their children to are larger cut pieces of fruit such as bananas or avocados, or vegetables such as slightly steamed broccoli or large-cut pieces of squash. “Those tend to be good foods to start with because they are easy to pick up and children can munch on them,” she says. “Those kinds of foods are good because they are soft and kids can pick them up and manage them.” 1 4 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
Chelsea Kraus, a mother from Bellefonte, says her son, Gavin, is a good eater, and foods like those Keller mentioned are among his favorites. At 1½ years old, Gavin loves raspberries, strawberries, bananas, and bread. Kraus believes introducing Gavin to healthy food options from a young age is very important to his overall health. “This way he’s accustomed and has a healthy diet from the beginning,” she says. “This can help with his eating choices as he grows and help to keep him healthy.” Like Kraus, Marie Laird of State College, thinks introducing fruit and vegetable options to her 1-year-old son, Chase, is crucial to starting healthy eating habits. “It’s important because it becomes a norm instead of trying to make changes later in life,” she says. Both Kraus and Laird say they present healthy food options to Gavin and Chase, respectively, in similar ways to what they serve the rest of the family unit. Keller encourages other parents to do the same, as it introduces children to how they will eat for the rest of their childhood. “People worry about serving herbs and spices to kids or serving them things that are going to be really strong. Little bits and tastes of foods that are going to be part of the family culture and part of the family table are appropriate for kids to have,” Keller says. She believes including young children in preparing and cooking of meals and in family dinner time are two of the most important things parents can do to promote healthy eating. Kitchen and mealtime involvement allows parents to model how and why children should eat healthy food options. “Kids really have to see you eating things and enjoying and experiencing them. That really makes them want to do it, as well,” she says. In addition to being a time to set good eating examples, family mealtime also has a protective element, Keller says. It allows children to see parents working out family problems, talking, and dealing with things in a rational way. Parents can often struggle with introducing new foods to their children, and Keller believes that involving children in food preparation can make it easier. Picky eating can be a common issue that parents face, especially when presenting children with a food they’ve never previously eaten.
Kraus says to help with potential pickiness, she and her husband “try” new foods with Gavin. “I may sing and try to be enthusiastic about him trying the foods. When he sees us try them and saying ‘yummy,’ this helps add to his excitement,” she says. Laird says she will often introduce new, healthy foods with something that Chase already knows and likes. “He likes cheese, so when I introduce new vegetables, I serve them with little cubes of cheese. I also mix new ingredients with foods that I know he likes. When I introduced him to spinach, it was still difficult for him to eat it, so I pureed it and made scrambled eggs,” she says. Laird also makes Chase muffins with vegetables and fruits such as zucchini, carrots, spinach, blueberries, raisins, and pumpkins, while using natural sweeteners such as honey or applesauce. This allows Laird to introduce new foods to Chase in a way that looks familiar to him. Like Kraus, Laird and her husband also make sure Chase sees them eating and enjoying the newly introduced foods. She says that smiling and making “mmm” noises makes him more excited and more likely to eat new foods. Keller likes to remind parents that picky eating is a perfectly normal stage that kids go through and usually starts around 18 months, just as children are becoming more mobile. She says there is a theory that this may be due to a protective factor from a hunter-gatherer standpoint.
“Right around the time that children would be able to walk away from their mother, it’s not really a good idea for them to ingest or pick up a bunch of berries or things that might be strange,” she says. “There is a thought that perhaps they develop [pickiness] to prevent taking something that might be bad for them.” She also reminds parents not to be too difficult on themselves. Whether it’s due to busy schedules or childhood pickiness, not every meal will always meet the requirements of MyPlate, the current nutrition guide published by the United States Department of Agriculture. MyPlate depicts a table place setting that is divided into the five food groups. If meals are missing a food group or two, that’s perfectly okay, Keller says. A few things she has found helpful to combat this are cooking big meals on the weekend to use as leftovers during the week and having quick and healthy options in the freezer. Eating together as a family, as healthy as possible, is what she encourages. “If a couple nights are not home-prepared foods, it’s not going to be the worst thing in the world,” she says. “The most important thing is to at least eat as a family in whatever way possible.” T&G Samantha Chavanic is a freelance writer living in Bellefonte. 2017 P a r e nt i ng - 15
Five Healthy Food Tips for Kids B y D r. K e l l y F i s h e r, D . C .
Have you ever taken the time to analyze what your children are eating on a daily basis? Food is the fuel used for nourishment to make little bodies strong and young minds smart. Unfortunately, children are often done a huge disservice because the adults in their lives are not promoting healthy eating from the start. I’ll be the first to admit that life can be crazy and children can be picky, but there are a lot of easy things that can be done to help ensure that our children are getting the nutrition they need. Here are some great tips to get you started: 1. Remove junk and provide healthy options: Children will eat what is easily available to them. If they open the pantry and see cookies, that is what they will gravitate toward. Instead, have the pantry stocked with applesauce squeeze pouches and preportioned bags of almonds. It is a great idea to have a fruit bowl on the counter or prewashed fruit in a bowl in the fridge for easy access, as well! 2. Make “boring” foods fun: It doesn’t take a long time to transform a plate of fruits and veggies into a monster face or even palm tree. The more visually appealing foods are, the more people want to eat them. A little bit of creative plating will likely make your child much more interested in healthy options. Providing dipping options, such as almond butter, hummus, salsa, or yogurt-based dips, is another way to add some excitement and extra nutrition. 3. Be stealthy with healthy ingredients: It can be incredibly easy to sneak foods into your child’s diet that they wouldn’t normally choose to eat. Shredded zucchini can be hidden in chocolate zucchini bread, cauliflower Alfredo sauce can be made using pureed cauliflower, and, as strange as it sounds, you can make delicious fudgy brownies using black beans or avocado. Veggies can even be hidden inside 1 6 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
the protein portion of a meal by making things such as chicken zucchini poppers or beefy mushroom poppers where you simply mix veggies in with ground meat and spices before forming them into meatballs or patties. (These recipes and many more healthy recipes ideas can be found at InsideKellysKitchen.com.) 4. Get them involved in the process: Let your children help out in the grocery store and in the kitchen. They can easily do things such as pick out the fruits and veggies in the produce section of the grocery store, combine recipe ingredients and stir them together, cut soft foods, and press the buttons on the food processor or blender. Being hands-on tends to make children more interested in tasting the final products as they make it to the plate! 5. Be a role model: Children watch and imitate the adults around them, which can lead to forming both good and bad habits. As parents, we need to eat the way we want our children to eat and demonstrate a positive attitude toward healthy eating to provide a good example. We also should try to avoid deeming foods “good” or “bad,” but rather work to teach our children how to balance nutritious food with fun snacks. T&G Dr. Kelly Fisher, D.C., is a health and wellness coach at State College NutriMost. For more information, visit statecollegenutrimost.com.
Darren Andrew Weimert 1 8 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
Marissa and Scott Shamrock have maintained a strong connection to each other after the birth of their son, Isaac, last year.
h c u o T n i p e e K Communication, understanding, and respect help parents stay connected to one another after the birth of a child By Samantha Chavanic
W
ithout a doubt, I knew having a baby would change my daily routine. I knew that much of my time would focus on helping my little one learn and grow, in whatever way he needed that day, hour, or minute. What I didn’t know was how much having a baby would change my relationship with my husband. Susan McHale, director of the Social Science Research Institute and distinguished professor of human development and professor of demography at Penn State, says most research done on the transition to parenthood and how it impacts a marriage or relationship focuses on the parents’ first child, obviously the biggest change related to children. The general expectation is that on average there is a decline in marital satisfaction in the short term. “Marriages tends to become more traditional, with wives doing more of the care and husbands taking over the breadwinning role,” she says. But declines in love and satisfaction may not happen for all couples. “For some couples, the birth of a child can bring them closer together in new ways,” McHale says. “That’s not saying having a child will save a marriage, but some strong marriages can become even stronger after the birth of the child.” I like to believe that my husband and I fall somewhere in the middle — we’ve definitely had some hurdles to overcome in figuring out how parenting fits into our marriage, but I feel as though conquering those hurdles as a couple has made us an even stronger duo. For Marissa Shamrock and her husband, Scott, the birth of their son, Isaac, a year ago has slightly shifted their priorities as a
couple. She says Isaac’s needs come before theirs now, and they spend more time as a family and less as just a couple. “Our marriage has adjusted to figuring out how to raise a child and fulfill his needs,” she says. “It’s no longer just about us.” Since Isaac was born, the Boalsburg couple has adjusted to how they make decisions in order to keep him in mind, especially when it comes to spending time outside of the home. “Events out are not as easy with a child — we have to factor in naptime, meals, babysitters. We sometimes have to turn down invitations because it’s just not feasible, or we have to leave early to get home for bedtime,” Marissa Shamrock says. “We find ourselves choosing activities that Isaac will enjoy and shifting our lifestyle to accommodate him these days.” Like the Shamrocks, my husband and I have adjusted how and when we enjoy events and hobbies to accommodate Cameron, our 15-month-old. We see him as an active member of our family and encourage his involvement in the things we love and support him as he tries new things in this crazy stage known as the “toddler years.” McHale says a major change in the relationship of a couple will happen with the development of the “co-parenting relationship.” She explains this as a relationship with multiple dimensions that focuses on whether and how parents will work together as a team in rearing their children. This includes how much they agree on parenting styles, how much they will share responsibilities, how satisfied they are with their roles and their spouse’s roles, and whether or not both parents are on the same page. 2017 P a r e nt i ng - 19
Shamrock says she and her husband were raised in a similar manner, so they’ve found that their parenting styles are alike — laid-back and adaptable. Flexible work schedules allow both parents to share Isaac’s doctor appointments and sick days fairly, something that strengthens their dependability on each other. Though my husband and I also were raised similarly, we’ve found that our personal parenting styles differ enough that it was necessary, and continues to be necessary, to discuss how our personalities can help to balance each other out. My husband is as laidback as they come; he may just be the calmest dad I’ve ever met. Me, on the other hand, I toe the line of helicopter mom more often than I’d like. By discussing with each other how to best use our strengths, we build upon each other’s weaknesses to parent Cameron in the best way possible. Being able to communicate about our parenting styles and understanding how and why we each do the things that we do, in addition to discussing our own personal wants and needs, has given us a deeper understanding of each other. I feel our ability to communicate has greatly
“Whether it’s an hour or two in the evenings or a date night out, those times as a couple help us to reconnect.” increased our respect for each other and, in turn, has kept us connected. McHale agrees that communication is key to staying connected to your spouse. Being proactive, talking before things escalate, and working things out as a couple are important factors in staying connected. “Spouses may differ on what they want, so talking through how your couple relationship fits in this new family structure is really important,” she says. “Maintaining communication and sharing this experience can
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The author and her husband, James, have used their different parenting styles when it comes to their son, Cameron, to strengthen their relationship.
bring a couple closer together, so you have to take the time to have those conversations.” Shamrock says communication is vital to her connection with her husband and has become increasingly so after their son was born. As both she and Scott work full time, Isaac is in child care, so communicating about their schedules is very important. “Communicating and keeping an organized schedule also helps our days go smoothly — we know who’s dropping Isaac off, who’s picking him up, who has what activity that evening, what’s for dinner,” Shamrock says. “It takes extra planning, but it makes for a much easier day for us.” Because of their busy schedules, she says she and Scott work to stay connected by simply spending time together at home. When they are home for dinner, the family of three almost always sits down to eat together. As a couple, they spend time together in the evenings once Isaac goes to bed. When someone is able to watch Isaac, the couple enjoys going out for dinner or to a movie. Given that there is only a finite amount of time, it just isn’t possible for couples to “go out” as much as before a child. That’s why it’s important for couples to find ways to stay connected at home, in front of their children. This is something that the Shamrocks value greatly — meaning that their family dinners, talks, and simply spending time together are how the Shamrocks stay connected. “As [Isaac] has gotten older, it is obvious that he is becoming more observant. It’s important for him to see that we love each other
and that we love him. We want Isaac to grow up admiring and respecting his parents, like we do ours,” Shamrock says. “We both had good role models growing up, and we hope to show Isaac, too. It’s good for him to see that we love and respect each other as a couple so that he’ll learn to have those characteristics, too.” And though they enjoy spending time together with Isaac, Shamrock believes that one of the reasons she and her husband have stayed connected is because they also value time to themselves, as a couple and as individuals. Having a support system in order to do so is something the Shamrocks greatly appreciate. “Whether it’s an hour or two in the evenings or a date night out, those times as a couple help us to reconnect. It’s equally important for us to have that time to ourselves now and then,” she says. “Continuing to be able to enjoy our hobbies helps us feel content and fulfilled. Our parents love to spend time with their grandson, so we try to take advantage of that — they enjoy that time with just Isaac, and we get to enjoy some time to ourselves. But we also have a lot of fun connecting as a family and try to find things to do that can include Isaac.” T&G Samantha Chavanic is a freelance writer living in Bellefonte. 2017 P a r e nt i ng - 21
The Courage to Ask for Help Support is available for children with mental health needs B y M a r y Wa l s h
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arenting is often the most rewarding and challenging endeavor we take on. This rings true especially for parents of children with mental health needs.
How? Mental health does not discriminate. If affects all, regardless of physical health, status, or age. According to the US National Health Information Center, one out of five young people has a serious mental health problem. It is critical, as a parent, to be aware of the signs that may indicate your child may need help as well as necessary steps to get him/her proper treatment. As is often the case with healthrelated problems, early diagnosis and appropriate treatment are vital to overall health and wellness. However, in my 13 years of experience in the mental health field, I have found that the negative stigma surrounding mental illness, fear of judgment, and/or lack of understanding often delay, or even deter, families from seeking muchneeded help for their children. Look at it this way — if your child had a runny nose or sore throat, you would not hesitate to take them to their physician or consult a professional for advice about their physical wellness. Why is this not the same reaction when a young person is exhibiting symptoms of autism, ADHD, or mood disorders? The reaction instead is to ignore or cope with behaviors in hopes of saving ourselves or our children from the “embarrassment” that comes with getting help. Remember, you are the expert on your child, and getting them help does not indicate that there is something wrong with them or that you are a bad parent. On the contrary, 2 2 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
seeking out help and being involved in your child’s treatment solidifies to him/her that you will support and protect their well-being, regardless of the issue. It is the definition of parenting. Asking for help takes courage. Taking necessary steps to help those we care for, despite insecurities and trepidation, is valiant. But in order to be their protectors, we must know where to look for professional support. With the runny nose and sore throat, we learn as children that doctors help us feel better, and if the ailment is direr, even the youngest of children know to dial 9-1-1. But where do we go when our brain doesn’t feel right or if we are struggling with our emotions? What number do we call then? There are several individuals with whom you can get assistance and guidance, such as your family doctor, school counselor, mental health-care professional, or Centre County CAN HELP crisis at 1-800-643-5432. Any one of these professionals can link you to providers and/or resources to assist your child and family. With physical illness, we can observe symptoms or signs that our children may need to see a health-care professional. While this may be more challenging with mental and emotional wellness, there are signs that may indicate your child would benefit from professional help. Is your child demonstrating unsafe or out of control behaviors that demonstrate danger to self or others? Has your child increased isolative behaviors or been withdrawn for an extended period? Have you noticed rapid mood swings or extreme changes in behaviors or personality? Although this is not a complete list, these are some indicators that you may need to seek assistance from a mental healthcare professional.
While parenting can be challenging, especially an individual struggling with mental illness, the thing to remember is that you are ultimately your child’s best advocate. Spend quality time with your child, educate yourself about stages of development, and link yourself to resources and parenting support groups. It is always helpful to brainstorm with others who are experiencing similar situations. Another important step is to take care of you. As parents, we spend much of our time worrying about caring for others. However, caring for your own well-being not only keeps you healthy and capable of caring for them but also serves as an example for your child. Finally, love your child unconditionally. Showing your love and support to your child will only assist in raising their emotional wellness. As they say, “Love conquers all.” You are not alone and help is out there — please don’t be afraid to reach out. T&G Mary Walsh, M.Ed., is a therapist at the Meadows Psychiatric Centerin Centre Hall. For more information, visit themeadows.net.
Therapist Mary Walsh
Parent Education Series Children’s Mental Health Disorders April 6, 2017 Navigating the Kids System of Care June 8, 2017
Registration at www.themeadows.net under Events tab
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Social Media Savvy Parents and doctors work together to keep kids safe online By Christopher Heron, MD
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ell-child visits to a family medicine provider include many of the regular tests and exams we all know — a checkup on weight and height, regular immunizations, and a listen to the heart and lungs. However, many parents are surprised to learn that as children become teens, yearly checkups may begin to include conversations about social media. Doctors recognize that social media habits can have both positive and negative impacts on a teenager’s mental and physical health. Both doctors and parents play a role in guiding teens toward healthy social media habits. There are many social media benefits and risks for teenagers. As social media becomes a larger part of how people build relationships, it is important for both parents and doctors to monitor and support teens during their transition into young adulthood. Using social media can benefit adolescents and teenagers in several ways: • Kids gain new interests and expand existing hobbies while sharing them with others. • Students help each other with homework questions and collaborate on group projects. • Creativity is enhanced when kids share musical and artistic endeavors. • Kids are given the opportunity to participate in their community and contribute their voice, as well as coordinate volunteer activities and address community needs. However, there are very real risks for social media use by middle and high school students that have been evaluated by physicians and policy2 4 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
makers alike. Some of these risks of social media include the following: • Incidents of cyberbullying, where teens use social media to harass, threaten, or embarrass peers. Though rare, these events can have significant consequences and should be taken seriously. • “Social media depression” that comes from a distorted view of reality. Often, people post their ideal lives online, leaving out day-today negatives. This can lead to a feeling that teens’ lives may not measure up to those of their peers. • Sending sexually explicit images or messages, often via text. Senders don’t often realize that such a personal image can create many social and legal problems. • Providing too much and too detailed personal information online, allowing potential predators access to possibly find and harm a teen in the “real” world. • The everlasting digital footprint — teenagers typically don’t understand that inappropriate photos and messages can affect their lives far into the future, especially as they look to future employment. • Limited sleep, exercise, or in-person communication due to overuse of social media and texting. With these risks and benefits in mind, parents may begin to notice a shift in the conversation with the doctor when their child reaches age 12 or 13. By asking certain questions, doctors can find out if the child is using social media in a healthy way. The conversations may be general, but specific questions can provide clues about social media usage. For example, family physicians may ask about safety at home and at school, but as kids reach their teens, questions such as “Do you
know what is safe to post online?” may come up alongside of questions about after-school sports, dance classes, and other activities. Screen time is often a concern, as well, and these questions can provide insight into whether or not too much time is spent online or on the phone. Talking about an older teen’s college or career goals can lead to conversations about appropriate social media content that might be found by future employers or college admissions officers. Social media outlets give teens a way to communicate with friends and provide an opportunity for growth and independence, but do require monitoring and guidance, especially for younger teenagers during their formative years. At home, parents should be aware and ask questions to understand their child’s activity on social media. The first step is to learn about the social media their young adults are participating in and utilizing, including newer outlets such as Instagram, Snapchat, and Twitter. Another step is for parents to figure out how much they know about their teenager’s online life. Just as parents would want to learn about new friends in their teenager’s life, they also should know about their teenager’s online friends. Below are a few tips that parents can consider for social media monitoring and guidance: • The recommended age for most social media services is 13 years old. • Following or “friending” the teen on social media in an unobtrusive manner, without interfering in conversations among peers. • Talking about privacy settings and how the settings can be used to avoid oversharing. • Letting teens know they can ask questions or share concerns if someone is bullying or asking for private information.
Christopher Heron, MD
• If problems arise, limiting access to or monitoring phone and computer time. • Making sure young adults get enough sleep and spend a healthy amount of time in nonmedia activities with family and friends. • Being clear about the consequences if teens break your social media rules. Together, parents and family medicine physicians can help adolescents and teenagers have healthy social media experiences. The key is opening the door to conversations so that kids turn to trusted adults if questionable situations arise. T&G Christopher Heron, MD, is a family medicine physician with Penn State Medical Group, located at 1850 East Park Avenue, Suite 207, in State College. Penn State Medical Group - Park Avenue is now accepting new patients. To make an appointment, call (814) 235-2480.
2017 P a r e nt i ng - 25
From Miss Independent to Mom Lessons learned of a first-time parent By Meghan Fritz
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was never the type of girl who dreamed of getting married and having children. As the youngest of four children, I watched my two sisters get married in their early twenties and have multiple children right away. To me, it seemed like a prison sentence, and I made the decision I was going to pursue my career and be independent before I even thought about marriage or a family. As I entered my thirties and pursued and reached personal and professional goals, I started to crave stability. My dating history was always that of a Hollywood romantic comedy full of fancy dinners and weekend getaways with noncommittal men. I began to yearn for a quieter, simpler relationship full of movie marathons on the couch and a committed life partner who would take out the trash and break down the cardboard for me. When I met my husband, we talked about the prospect of starting a family, but it wasn’t something we pursued right away. We gave ourselves a year to be newlyweds and then decided it was time to expand our twosome. After an early loss, we conceived the following month, and I delivered my son this past fall on October 24. We took every baby-care class and registered for top-of-the-line baby equipment. My husband attended every appointment with me, and we were certain we would nail this first-time parent gig. This is where you should pause and laugh out loud. 2 6 - Paren ti n g 2 0 1 7
I was the childless, independent woman who silently judged your parenting. If I sat next to you on a plane and your child was screaming, I judged you for not being Zen enough to calm your baby. If your child screamed in the grocery store and was throwing a tantrum, I wondered why you weren’t a better disciplinarian. If my husband and I were out to dinner and witnessed a screaming child, we would look at each other and say, “Our children will never behave that way.” I also judged you for being obsessed with your children. If you wanted to tell me about little Johnny’s latest accomplishment or Suzie’s new word of the day, I would think to myself, “Get a life, you are soooooo boring.” If you told me your children slept in your room or bed, I judged you for setting up bad sleeping habits for the future. If your child ate dessert for breakfast, I judged you for not having a good nutrition plan in place. If I came to visit you and your house was a mess, I wondered why you couldn’t multitask better and manage your children while taking care of your home and working. How hard can it be? And this is where I am humbled to my knees. I eat humble pie every day as a new mom. I am now the parent I made fun of and silently judged. When my husband asks me when I think we will transition our son into the nursery, my eyes fill with tears and I say, “Senior year works for me!” I am brought to tears of joy with every burp, fart, and nonsensical babble. I think nothing of
calling Harvard to let them know a genius has been born. I take pictures of Charlie grinning from ear to ear and staring at a wall. Both are equally amazing. When my husband and I had our first outing as a twosome two months after Charlie was born, we sat in a dimly lit bar and sipped on fancy cocktails, and instead of flirting and making it about each other, we looked at pictures and videos of Charlie and talked about how he really has mastered how to burp. We are the parents we made fun of and judged. Nothing prepares you for what being a parent will be like. It is the most amazing, terrifying, exhausting, exhilarating, joyful, humbling, sometimes mundane experience of my life. To anyone I judged, you have my sincerest apology. I can finally say to you, I get it, and if you want your baby to sleep in your room until he’s 30, I understand. As every day passes, I learn something new about this journey. Already I have a few things I wish I had done differently as a new mom, so I will share my wisdom with you in the hopes that you will honor your intuition and peace of mind as you start the most amazing journey of your life. When you have your baby, your hormone levels are all over the place. You are exhausted, scared, emotional, and fragile. That being said, it’s not the best time to open your home to the entire family to welcome your bundle of joy. For some, that may be a comfort, but in my case it only added to the stress and anxiety I was feeling. My husband and I have both said that we wish we had told people they could come visit after a month or two. We needed to figure things out on our own, and when you have visitors, you can’t walk around without a bra ready to breastfeed on demand.
Depending on your family situation, evaluate whether this will help you or add to your anxiety. Be unapologetic in setting the boundaries you need to set to keep yourself free of unnecessary stress. Don’t be afraid to say No to family members or friends who want to drop by and visit. Do what works best for you and your baby. Do not attempt to discuss anything with your partner in the middle of the night. When you are tired and overwhelmed and it is 3 a.m., this is not the time to discuss your relationship needs and wants. One thing I learned almost immediately is that my husband can help in some ways, but the majority of caregiving for a newborn is provided by the mother, especially if you are breastfeeding. (No judgment if you don’t breast-feed!) If you attempt to keep score on who does what, you are setting yourself up for deep resentment and bitterness. One strategy that really helped us as a couple and as new parents is we had coffee together every morning before the baby was awake and did a review of the day and night before. We went over what worked, what didn’t, and how we could improve things for the new day. We also went over any heated moments or words spoken to each other that were hurtful. This strategy helped us clear the deck for a new day and kept us from staying in conflict for days on end. No one can prepare you for how tired and anxious you may feel. One of the things I found helpful was to call friends I trusted who had children and say, “I can’t believe you did this more than once!?” or, “How come no one told me it was this hard?” The support other moms can offer has been a huge help to my spirit and has helped me keep my sense of humor along the way. Reach out to people you trust and don’t
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be afraid to be vulnerable about how you’re feeling. Your ability to be honest and share the raw truth of your emotions will help you feel less isolated and alone. Everyone we talk to has told us, “Hang in there, it does get easier.” And guess what? It does! I am so much more comfortable and confident in caring for my son. I know how to soothe him more quickly, and I don’t always feel like my heart is in my throat ready to explode. One thing that I have learned is the best way to navigate the newborn period is stay present and in the moment. When I have felt like I can’t see straight and the walls are caving in, simply focusing on my breath helps to ground me and remind me that this is a moment, it will not last forever. Ask for support and the help you need as you become a parent for the first time. Let go of trying to act like you have it all together and allow yourself to laugh at the absurdity of what goes on day to day. I never knew I could bounce on an exercise ball, sing my son to sleep, hold a pacifier in his mouth, and answer e-mail all at the same time.
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You feel like a rock star and boot camp class participant all at the same time. At the end of the day, nothing prepares you for the bond and amount of love you will feel for your baby. Keep your sense of humor, go easy on yourself during the tough moments, and call in your support team to keep you sane. I promise, it does get easier day by day! If I run into in the grocery store and your child is screaming, I promise not to judge you but to give you a high five and a secret handshake that all new mothers know. Remember, at the end of the day, no one is better at being your baby’s mother than you are. You were handpicked to raise your children, and no one knows what they need better than you do. Trust in your amazing mother’s intuition to guide and lead you and, when in doubt, call on the wisdom of those around you. You are worth it! T&G Meghan Fritz is a psychotherapist practicing in State College. She also writes the “Living Well” column for Town&Gown each month.