July August 2014 by Rochester Women Magazine

JULY/AUGUST 2014 COMPLIMENTARY

WHO DO YOU LOVE? RELATIONSHIP

Boundaries WHAT WOULDN’T

YOU WEAR?

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COVER STORIES The Pursuit of HAPPYness Two stories of finding love.

By Jody Brown photography by Dawn Sanborn Photography

JULY/AUGUST 2014

Cover Stories

Let’s Get Personal

When [LOVE] Doesn’t Meet the Status Quo Loving someone behind bars. By Mette Greising

Community 18

From the Mists of Antiquity Pagan mysteries revealed. By Debi Neville

Would You Walk a Mile in His Shoes? Rochester Girls are more than just a pretty face. By Nicole L. Czarnomski

in every issue

From the Editor 7 In the Know 8 Marketplace 28 Advertisers Index 67 Community Calendar 68

Grandma, Mom & Me Generational taboos. By Mariah K. Mihm

To Wear a Bra or Not to Wear a Bra That is the question. By Debi Neville

16 GoDo! Tattoos for two.

By C.G. Whorrell

Food & Wine 36

Eat ‘Em Raw and Drink Your Food Is it taboo to you? By Dawn Sanborn

Women &Wine White Zinfandel The pink-headed step-child.

Fashion 42

By Jill Swanson

Book Review 55

45 60

A Hometown Independence Day Celebration SummerFest in Stewartville. By Amanda Wingren

A Night to Remember Ladies’ Pink Poker Night. By Amanda Wingren

Rochester Pridefest A weekend to celebrate. By Amanda Wingren

Decorating Taboos Modern day do’s and don’ts for your home. By Debi Neville

Summertime Garden Tours Area gardens that are works of art.

Tracy van Eijl RW Layout Designer Cover photo by Fagan Studios

Women and Addictions An era of connecting, a reality of more disconnection. Boundaries in Relationships How blurred lines hurt.

By Shelly Winemiller, LMFT

Caring for Aging Parents with Respect, Dignity and Integrity Part II: Caring for those with alzheimer’s and dementia. By Trish Amundson

By K.L. Snyder

COVER

By Sarah Oslund

By Jenee Cummings

Remodelers Corner A library of reflection and repose. By Penny Marshall

Great Summer Reads Book reviews.

Healthy Living

By Jody Brown

Home & Garden

Trend or Taboo? What to do.

Melanoma Incidence on the Rise in Olmsted County Take precautions to minimize melanoma risks. By Jennifer Gangloff

On the Lighter Side 70

I Didn’t Say It....I Swear! Where do kids learn this stuff? By Amanda Ruggeri

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

from the editor

ISSUE 82, VOLUME 14, NUMBER 4 JULY/AUGUST 2014

EDITOR

Mariah K. Mihm LAYOUT DESIGNER

Tracy van Eijl, Elgin Print Shop GRAPHIC DESIGNERS

Tessa Slisz Molly Anderson, MLT Group Tommy Traxel, MLT Group COPY EDITORS

Ashley Pikel Elisa Tally

MARKETING ACCOUNT MANAGER

Deanne Breitenbach PHOTOGRAPHY

Dawn Sanborn Photography Fagan Studios Mike Hardwick Photography COMMUNITY RELATIONS

Daniella Mora-Balbo

RochesterWomen is published six times per year by Women Communications, L.L.C., P.O. Box 5986, Rochester, MN 55903 Subscriptions available for $24 per year (six issues). Send check to the address above. All unsolicited manuscripts must be accompanied by a self-addressed, stamped envelope. RochesterWomen assumes no responsibility for unsolicited materials. ©2014 Women Communications, L.L.C. All rights reserved. No part of this publication may be reproduced without written permission from the publisher. RochesterWomen magazine does not necessarily endorse the claims or contents of advertising or editorial materials. Printed in the U.S.A. RochesterWomen is a member of the Minnesota Magazine & Publishing Association, Rochester Area Builders, Inc. and the Rochester Area Chamber of Commerce.

aboo topics get me excited. Not necessarily just because they are taboo but because they are almost always interesting. The ideas are meaty to discuss, they are multi-faceted, and that is what intrigues me. I want to dive right in to learn more and in the process learn why it’s taboo. I think this issue has just that! For instance, do you know who the Rochester Girls are? They are a charity-giving organization that just happens to put on great entertainment too. I confess, I knew nothing about them or that we had such a group here until the idea for the story was brought to my attention and boy (or girl) am I glad I listened. I love Rochester and am astonished at the kind, loving, caring community that we are. We have diverse groups that you may not know are here or may not even know exist at all. They are part of the rich tapestry that makes up Rochester. Taboos can get serious very quickly, and we have that covered. In this issue we talk about women and addictions, boundaries in relationships and loving people others think we shouldn’t. Taboos can also be very funny. “To Wear a Bra or Not to Wear a Bra” is a guaranteed laugh. It might not be a big deal in 2014, but in 1969 it caused a ruckus. As always, we have delicious and maybe taboo to some of you food recipes you can make at home. And being right in the heart of the summer you won’t want to miss the beauty of garden tours. I am really looking for inspiration for my own yard, and that is bound to do it! Stewartville offers a great option for July 4th family fun. There is so much to do all week long and the fireworks are stunning. For many years, when I was a child, my parents, along with my brother and me and a pack of friends, young and old, would head up to my grandparents farm on the hill just north of Stewartville. We would play amongst the hay bales, try not to run into the barbed wire, and toast our marshmallows. With the smells of a bonfire, hay and cattle (one year there was a goat) permeating the air, we were really just passing the time until that first big boom sounded. Us kids would then dash to the blankets we had so carefully placed on the ground. The colors would begin to light the sky as we stared eagerly, with our mouths hanging open and with eyes that couldn’t stretch any bigger. Right here, right now, I am still that kid in awe of the sparkly sky, and I am so very grateful to live in a country where Rochester Women can discuss just about anything with you.

Photo by Dawn Sanborn Photography.

PUBLISHERS

Jorrie L. Johnson, MBA Doug Solinger

507-259-6362 • info@RWmagazine.com RWmagazine.com For advertising information: 507-951-2413

We want to hear from you! Send comments, suggestions, ideas or original recipes to: RochesterWomen Editor, P.O. Box 5986, Rochester, MN 55903-5986 or email: editor@RWmagazine.com. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

n the know in the know in the know in the know in the know in the know in the know “CROOKED LINES” PRESENTED BY VERTIGO THEATRE FACTORY Fri., Aug. 22 and Sat., Aug 23 8 p.m. The Creative Salon, Rochester

Local talent does it again! In its second year, a collaboration of original music, poetry and dance presented by Vertigo Theatre Factory. Ticket are $10 and available at the door.

AUSTIN ARTWORKS FESTIVAL Sat., August 23, 9 a.m. to 5 p.m. and Sun., August 24, 12 p.m. to 5 p.m

Here is a chance to support the transformation of Austin’s Historic Downtown Power Plant into a cultural destination. The two day celebration features artists of all kinds and mediums. For more information log on to austinareaarts.org/Austin_ArtWorks_Festival.html

MUSICAL CAR WASH Sat., July 12 and August 2, 10 a.m. to 4 p.m.

In its third year, the entertaining Musical Car Wash is a fundraiser for the Otherwise Actors, Rochester Civic Theatre’s Youth group. This talented group will leave you and your car smiling! Cost is $5 regular wash, $8 musical wash or $10 for a musical zombie wash. For more information visit rochestercivictheatre.org

LADIES PINK POKER NIGHT Thurs., July 31, 4 p.m. to midnight, International Event Center

What could be more fun than a ladies night of Texas Hold’em and supporting a great cause? It doesn’t matter if you are a seasoned player or a newbie, there is something for everyone! There will be food, drink, prizes and free poker lessons. Proceeds benefit the Eagles Cancer Telethon. For more information visit ladiespinkpoker.com or email Lisa Viker at lviker@ performanceclaims.com.LadiesPinkPokerNightcanalso be found on Facebook. Registration cost is $30 - $100.

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

PAIIR/ECFE 40TH ANNIVERSARY TEDDY BEAR BAND CONCERT

“MAME” PRESENTED BY BRAVE COMMUNITY THEATRE

Sat., August 23, 10 - 10:45 a.m., Goose Egg Park, 199 8th St NW

Wed. thru Sat., Aug 13-16 7 p.m. Spring Valley Community Center, Spring Valley

PAIIR/ECFE (Early Childhood Family Education) has supported, educated and entertained families in Rochester for 40 years! Join us as we begin a yearlong celebration of our 40th Anniversary, starting with the Teddy Bear Band Concert, BYOTB (Bring Your Own Teddy Bear). For more information visit rochesterce.org.

A unique presentation of the musical “Mame” through a Readers Theatre and orchestra. Come down at 6 p.m. for BCT Kids show. Tickets for “Mame” are $15 for adults, $10 for students and seniors and are available at Chateau de Chic and Sunshine Foods or at the door. For more information call 346-7950.

RochesterWomen introduced you to MedCity Mafia, Rochester’s homegrown

roller derby team, in the May/June 2014 issue. The Mafia was awaiting word on its application for affiliation with the largest governing organization for its sport. ON MAY 2, THE MAFIA SCORED!

The Women’s Flat Track Derby Association announced MedCity Mafia Roller Derby as an apprentice member. The local “league” –with two related team, be tracked in association rankings and have its bouts sanctioned, among other benefits. It generally takes a year to achieve full membership, the WFTDA says.(wftda.com) With the latest class, the international association has 114 apprentice leagues and 243 full members.

MedCity Mafia was able to announce the new affiliation to fans at its final bout of the 2013-2014 season on May 24. The schedule for the upcoming season had not been released at press time. See medcityrollerderby.com or find MedCity Mafia on Facebook.

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let's get personal

G randma, Mom & Me BY MARIAH K. MIHM . PHOTOGRAPHY BY AMN PHOTOGRAPHY

feel fortunate to have grown up around informed, opinionated women. Hear it straight from three generations: me (Mariah Mihm), 38, my mom, Debi Neville, 63, and my grandma, Verna Kraft, 86.

GENERATIONAL TABOOS Me: Taboos change over time, and I find the cultural shifts interesting. Hopefully the taboos that are lifted are for the common good. I’m curious to see what will be taboo when my son is an adult. Mom: The things I can think of have changed for the betterment of society and humanity. Grandma: I remember visiting a friend of my parents who had a mentally disabled son. I did not even know for years they had a child; he was put into a closet because it was seen as shameful to the parents. How awful for those kids. Me: That is really disturbing to me. I don’t remember what things I couldn’t talk about, at least not at home. I guess that was a benefit of growing up in such an open, liberal family. My brother and I were exposed to a lot. Grandma: Even if there were things you could talk about at home, it doesn’t mean it was socially acceptable to talk about or do. There were standards. Mom: I remember people who married outside of their religion were the talk of the town. Lots of snickers. Interracial relationships were unheard of, and same-sex relationships? I did not know that was a possibility until I went to college. I saw two men in a park and my boyfriend had to explain it to me. I think I turned 50 shades of red. Grandma: We didn’t hear of those things in my day either. I couldn’t tell you about it because I didn’t know. Me: I am so glad all of that has changed. It’s hard for me to fathom. It's definitely not taboo for me.

Mom: It was also taboo in my generation to say you had professional aspirations. If you went to college you could be a teacher, a nurse, a secretary. You had to be careful about who you told about those aspirations. Artistic aspirations were also seen as strange. I never told anyone I liked to write. Me: Wow! What a different world. In the 1980s it was, “You can do it all.” In fact, you had to want it all-marriage, motherhood and career woman. Just look at “Day into Night Barbie.” Her clothes were reversible and you changed out jewelry and shoes so she could go from wielding a briefcase to an evening clutch. If she could do it, so could I. And she was all decked out in the oh-so-expected pink, of course. Mom: So true. Super-woman was the buzz. Grandma: Growing up poor was not talked about. You just shut up about it and carried on. I think this is still a taboo.

Me: I agree, grandma. People look and stare, talk a little but it is mostly ignored. People just know who the poor kids in school are. It’s sad. Mom: One of the most difficult “hushhush’s” for me was death. When my best friend was killed in a car accident in high school, there was no one but clergy to talk to. They offered no comfort to me, couldn’t answer my questions. To this day I can’t stand when someone says, “It was God’s will” or “They are in a better place,” no matter the age or circumstance of death. There were no grief support groups, counselors or anything of the kind. We went to the funeral and then went right back to school and were expected to suck it up. That wasn’t right. Me: I feel really fortunate that all these things have changed. For me and my son, the barriers are only continuing to be knocked down. Grandma: It is a very good thing!

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

healthy living

Women & Addictions AN ERA OF CONNECTING, A REALITY OF MORE DISCONNECTION BY JENEE CUMMINGS

ou remember the scene. It touched your heart and it probably made you cry (it made me sob uncontrollably). It was Meg Ryan giving her 180-day sobriety speech in the movie “When a Man Loves a Woman.” It’s horrifying how much you can hate yourself for being low and weak and he couldn’t save me from that. So I turned it on him; I tried to empty it onto him. But there was always more, you know. When he tried to help I told him that he made me feel small and worthless. But nobody makes us feel that, we do that for ourselves. I shut him out because I knew if he ever really saw who I was inside, that he wouldn’t love me. Women have long been affected by addiction. Surprisingly, it still seems taboo for a woman to face her addiction with treatment. According to the Substance Abuse and Mental Health Services Administration (SAMHSA), of women aged 18 to 49 who needed treatment in the past year, 5.5 percent felt they needed it and never received it, and 84.2 percent neither received treatment nor perceived a need for it. For women like the one portrayed by Meg Ryan, addiction is a form of self-medication. The classic substances are drugs, alcohol, or pharmaceuticals. Treatment for substance addictions is clearly defined by the medical community. There is a wealth of resources: Stage an intervention. Enroll in a 12-Step program. Find an Alcoholics Anonymous meeting and secure a sponsor. Admit yourself into a rehabilitation facility. The options are plentiful and often supported by insurance.

BEHAVIOR ADDICTION What if your addiction or self-medication isn’t a substance, but something tangible that has the power to destroy your life and your relationships? According to Bruce Alexander, author of “The Globalization of Addiction,” obsessive behaviors can take up every aspect of an addicted person’s life just as severely 12

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

as drug and alcohol addiction can. They affect us consciously, unconsciously, intellectually, emotionally, behaviorally, socially and spiritually.

WHAT CAUSES BEHAVIOR ADDICTIONS? Some professionals offer the concept of “dislocation” or “disconnection.” If we feel we are cut off from something or in danger of being disconnected, we compensate by finding an activity to fill the void. As the behavior becomes more addictive, it adversely affects relationships and heightens isolation–often resulting in unbearable despair, emotional anguish and shame. We are caught between a rock and a hard place. According to Cynthia Andrzejczyk, Ph.D., in her article “Addictions in the 21st Century,” she writes, “Twenty-first century life is high-tech, deliriously fast-paced, and stressful. The very things meant to make our lives easier, build better communications, keep us informed, satisfy our needs and help us to stay in touch with others may be the sources of our addictions.” As a result, today we are increasingly vulnerable not just to substance addictions, but also behavior addictions. Behavior addictions are essentially compulsive behaviors formed around intense emotional dependencies. We can develop addictions to exercise, food, work, social media, shopping and sex. Yes–even sex. As compared to substance addictions, behavior addictions can be even more detrimental. There is no clear medical definition. There are limited resources. There is no clear path of treatment. No recognition of them in insurance industries. Professionals can’t agree if they really are addictions. There is little tolerance in society for behavior addictions. Regardless of what we call them (addictions, compulsive behaviors, etc.) they share common threads of shame and negative consequences.

“The very things meant to make our lives easier, build better communications, keep us informed, satisfy our needs and help us to stay in touch with others may be the sources of our addictions.” —Cynthia Andrzejczyk, Ph.D. If you suspect you or a loved one has an addiction, there is help available. You can begin by reaching out to your local counseling and mental health centers (Zumbro Valley Mental Health Center, Women’s Health Clinic in Minnesota, Olmsted Medical Center, Mayo Clinic, etc.). You are not alone, you do not need to suffer alone. References and Recources: • Jordan E. Rullo, Ph.D., L.P.., Mayo Clinic • The National Center on Addiction and Substance Abuse (CASA). (2006). Women under the influence. casacolumbia. org/templates/Publications.aspx? articleid=409&zoneid=52 • SAMHSA Office of Applied Studies. (2007). NSDUH report: substance use treatment among women of childrearing age. Retrieved from oas.samhsa.gov/2k7/ womenTX/womenTX.htm • besmartbewell.com/addiction/what-is-it.htm • psychologytoday.com/blog/remarkablerecovery/201203/addiction-and-genderrecovery-women • beam-intl.com/cynthia-andrzejczykexplanation-for-a-new-form-of-addiction/ Jenee Cummings is a freelance writer

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let's get personal

he year was 1969. The place was Minneapolis. With my Spring Valley High School diploma in hand, I moved to "The Cities” just 10 days after graduation to begin summer school. Talk about culture shock. It wasn’t just learning how to read the bus schedules, adjusting to dorm life or seeing couples making out in the park, but the hippies. They were everywhere and I was fascinated and transfixed by them and what they stood for. They exerted a strong influence on me.

NOT JUST A FASHION TREND I quickly modified my wardrobe to fit in at school. We wore the unisex uniform of tie-dyed shirts, frayed bell bottom jeans and leather head bands. We listened to The Beatles and Timothy Leary. Part of the hippie movement was evidenced by the women’s libbers who were burning their bras on campus and at inner city bonfires. It was a political statement as well as a new fashion trend. Working at the downtown Dayton’s on Nicollet Mall, I was reminded frequently that acceptable garb included the wearing of “proper undergarments.” Leaving the sacred floors of the retail giant, I encountered street corner after street corner with placards bearing young people who admonished (among many things) the status quo, the war in Vietnam and the wearing of the restrictive, strangulating sexist bra.

DO I DARE?

TO WEAR A BRA OR NOT TO WEAR A BRA THAT IS THE QUESTION

PhotoSpin® stock image.

BY DEBI NEVILLE

It began in New York and San Francisco, the coasts being what they were, the hot-bed of dissent and change. The movement made its way slowly through the “amber waves of grain” until it reached the bread basket of the Midwest. It was the last year of the turbulent, tragic '60s, forever altering our thoughts, our minds and our very way of life... and I burned my bra.

Conferring with my dorm roommates, the discussion was met with giggles, blushing and raised eyebrows. Believing in what the braless movement represented was important to me. I wasn’t a "follow-the-crowd" kind of gal. I read Gloria Steinem and sang Dylan’s “Blowin' In the Wind” as well as the next guy. I knew LSD and communal living were not for me, but hey, I wanted to do my part. Throughout the summer I carefully studied the girls around me. Some flat-chested females (ala Twiggy) didn’t need a bra. Some overly endowed women could risk selfinflicted injury if they took part in the trend. Little by little I noticed tell tale signs of bralessness: halter tops with their triangle designs tied low around the waist, nipples began to peak out through sheer summer tops. I contemplated the anarchy of it all.

DEFYING HISTORY…SORT OF I thought of my grandma, who was advised to buy a bra so her new suit would fit better. She didn’t know her size and the helpful sales lady sent several into the dressing room with her. After a few minutes grandma emerged and threw the bras on the counter. “None of them fit,” she exclaimed. Come to find out, grandma tried them on over her undershirt, the only undergarment she had ever worn. If I joined in the liberating movement, I wasn’t too far from my ancestral customs, was I? By autumn the decision was made, and one morning as I reached for my Playtex Tradition, I shut the drawer, empty handed. I chose a thick polyester Nehru jacket from the closet, pulled on the blue jeans and crossed my arms protectively as I headed to breakfast. I was prepared to spout political rhetoric to defend my new look. Not one of my girlfriends said a darn thing. My size 34 Bs were perky and pointy and no one noticed. I realized my fear had been for naught. It felt wonderful! I left for class triumphant in the knowledge I could make a statement, join in a historic movement and yet not be embarrassed. Well, there was the matter of that polyester jacket... Debi Neville is a freelance writer living in Rochester.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

let's get personal

GoDo! Tattoos for BY C.G. WORRELL

PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAWN SANBORN PHOTOGRAPHY

n the late 1700s, Captain Cook’s crew members returned from Polynesia with tattoos and the skill to create them. The practice spread like wildfire among sailors and the underbelly of British society. During the Victorian period, the elite began requesting them, including Winston Churchill’s mother. In an era when women had little control over their bodies, Lady Randolph Churchill had a snake tattooed around her wrist. Even so, the majority of polite society dismissed body art as the realm of “ruffians and circus freaks.” Two hundred years later, the taboo has lifted. Twenty-three percent of American women sport a tattoo—and not just the 18 to 25-year-olds. Baby boomers and Gen Xers also frequent tattoo parlors. Take Mariah Mihm and Deanne Breitenbach for example. I lent moral support to these ladies during RW’s latest GoDo!: Tattoos for Two.

PREPARING FOR SUCCESS Although Deanne had wanted a tattoo since high school, she held off because of negative labels like “tramp stamp” and “biker chick.” Now she’s 42 and doesn’t care as much about what people think. For her first tattoo, she has chosen a simple line from Ephesians: by grace alone. “The concept of mercy speaks to me,” she says. “I believe we should give and receive grace whenever possible.” 16

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

Mariah has a pair of tattoos from over a decade ago. Imbued with personal meaning, one is an earth dancer and the other is a cluster of oak leaves and acorns. “For me, nature and spirituality go hand in hand. Designing these tattoos helped me find my way during a very difficult time in my life.” The inspiration for Mariah’s third tattoo is an antique brooch—a swirling silver M adorned with leaves. “My Danish greatgrandmother received this pin from her birth mother and she wore it for decades. My grandmother gave it to me, and I cherish it. The broach is about 110 years old.” Deanne and Mariah selected Rochester tattoo artist Seth Snell based on his expertise and easy-going personality. While his studio is homey—complete with comfy couches and a tank of koi fish—his appearance screams alternative. Tall and lanky, Seth sports ink-splattered jeans, a full-sleeve tattoo and several facial piercings. A crocheted skullcap covers his long russet hair, and his Grizzly Adams beard is neatly tucked in a pony-bun. Seth’s smile is infectious. “Some people are frightened by the way I look, but if you spend any time with me, you’ll realize I’m as maniacal as a box of kittens.” Seth claims the key to a successful tattoo is communication between artist and client. “We iron out design, size and location before applying one drop of ink.”

A LEAP OF FAITH To begin, Seth studies Deanne’s script and desired font. Then he draws the image to scale. Using transfer solution and carbon paper, he applies a temporary image along her forearm. She walks around, studying the result in a full-length mirror. “Yep, this is exactly what I want.” Seth snaps on rubber gloves. “Sit back and relax. This isn’t my first rodeo.” Deanne settles in the cushy chair and extends her arm. “Are you nervous?” I ask. “Surprisingly no,” she says. “After 25 years, I’m ready for this.” Seth’s electric coil tattoo machine buzzes like a swarm of angry bees. The tip consists of five micro-needles that puncture the skin 600 times per minute. He dips the tip in black ink

and “starts drawing” on Deanne’s forearm. Every few seconds he pauses to wipe away excess ink and blood. I’m surprised when she doesn’t flinch. “How bad does it hurt?” Deanne purses her lips. “If childbirth is a 10, this is a three to four. Waxing hurts worse, but it’s quicker.” While Aerosmith plays in the background, Seth explains that most body artists learn the trade by apprenticing two to four years with a skilled tattooist. Simple designs require less than 15 minutes; complicated ones can take 15 hours. He performs three to six tattoos per day and charges $100/hour. After Seth completes Deanne’s statement of faith, she pops out of the chair, grinning. “I finally got a tattoo!” Seth applies antiseptic balm and a breathable bandage. “Plastic wrap is no good.

It forms a terrarium for bacteria. Wash your tattoo twice a day, no picking and after ten days use sunscreen regularly to prevent fading.”

M IS FOR “MAN, THIS HURTS!” Once Mariah and Seth have agreed on the size and location of her heirloom design, she climbs aboard the padded table. Lounging like Cleopatra, she presents her ankle. Seth sets to work. Mariah winces whenever the buzzing tip approaches the bone. Within thirty minutes, she’s sweaty and pale. “I think I’m gonna pass out.” Seth pauses to give her bottled water and jellybeans. Soon Mariah’s cheeks are pink again, and he resumes working. “Clients faint frequently,” he says. “The pain can be intense depending on the location.” When the session is over, Mariah is eager to reveal her special M to Grandma. “I know she’s going to love it.” Deanne smiles at her

own tattoo and her eyes sparkle. “I can’t wait to show my kids.” I turn to Seth. “How long before they’re back for another tattoo?” He laughs. “I give ’em two weeks before they’re looking at new designs.” C.G. Worrell is a veterinarian and freelance writer. She and photographer Dawn Sanborn do not have tattoos because of their shared fear of permanence.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

community

From the Mists of Antiquity PAGAN MYSTERY REVEALED BY DEBI NEVILLE PHOTOGRAPHY BY FAGAN STUDIOS

e have an innate nature to be skeptical of things unknown, to be afraid of what we do not understand. Paganism is one of them. Though the history of Paganism goes back thousands of years, few people have knowledge about their beliefs and practices. Checking the friendly Wikipedia site, Paganism is by definition, “any religion or belief that worships nature and belief that a divine being is both female and male, recognizing both a God and Goddess. Well known Pagan religions are Wicca, Druidism and Shamanism.” The word pagan is derived from the Latin word for country dweller and was used to describe non-Christians during the time of the Roman Empire. It was often referred to as the old religion. Yet, for all its history, Paganism is still clothed in darkness, inaccurate assumptions and sometimes even fear.

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

In the introduction to his book “When God was a Woman” Merlin Stone writes, “…why is it continually inferred that the age of the “pagan” religions, the time of the worship of female deities (if mentioned at all) was dark and chaotic, mysterious and evil, without the light of order and reason that supposedly accompanied the later male religions, when it has been archaeologically confirmed that the earliest law, government, medicine, agriculture, architecture, metallurgy, wheeled vehicles, ceramics, textiles and written language were initially developed in societies that worshiped the Goddess?”

THE RITUAL OF AN OPEN MIND Raised Christian, Kristy McConnell, of Rochester, became interested in Paganism when she “learned the symbols of Christian holidays corresponded with those of the ancient beliefs. The Christmas tree and Easter egg to name a few,” she says.

Over the past two or three years, she began researching the history and found it intriguing. With the support of her husband, she has come to follow a pagan path. “All of this made more sense to me, I guess I felt betrayed. Christianity has been responsible for so many deaths, the intolerance for other ideas, traditions and beliefs. This bothered me.” What she found was a more common base in the teachings of the pagan religions: a kinder philosophy, a greater appreciation for the earth, nature and each other. “I discovered a deep reverence for Mother Earth and that drew me to exploring more,” McConnell shared. “Herbal medicine and a greater awareness of what’s around me has changed my life and made me feel better.” She points to movies, the media and a history of misconceptions as the reason the majority of the population misunderstands pagans. “They think of evil witches, the devil and bad spells. To them, the pentacle represents evil and it’s not that way at all.”

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July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

6/14/14 10:21 PM

Getting ready.

Darren Wendt in one of his many looks as Sidonia.

Darren Wendt and his partner, Richard Konen, ready for a night on the town.

DRAG DEVELOPMENT Rochester Girls was founded in 1996 by Tony Hegna and Savannah Skye. But, in 2000, a tragic car accident took the life of Hegna. Since then, Skye and Wendt have kept the organization alive. Wendt says, “The group consists of men and women that are transgender performers. We do not discriminate.” Although Rochester Girls is a sole proprietorship, the members perform to raise money for different charities. “We support Minnesota Greyhound Rescue, Camp Benedict, Channel One, Professional AIDS Network and others.” Wendt explains. For some charities there is a personal connection for Wendt. He and his partner, Richard Konen, give to the Minnesota Greyhound Rescue because they have adopted four rescued greyhounds. “We also have a personal connection to the Professional AIDS Network because we have many friends who are HIV positive.” Wendt and his partner are trying to help their friends with HIV lead a better life.

A CROWNING ACHIEVEMENT Wendt performs as Sidonia, and she has many personas. “I love changing up my look. I can go from full gown and jewels to a 1940s pinup girl to a Vegas showgirl.” Wendt owns about 15 wigs, and as for clothing, he has an entire room dedicated to Sidonia at his house. “I have many pairs of heels too. I love shoes!” Wendt began doing drag shows because a friend dared him. He won the first pageant he entered. Then, in 1998 he won Ms. Gay Rochester, and in 2000 he won Miss Gay Southeastern Minnesota. “I have many crowns and awards from different organizations,” he says.

Sidonia's lips are a masterpiece.

Wendt says, “I transform into a more confident, out spoken person. Sidonia is much different than Darren. We are the same person, but we morph together as one.” EXPRESSING YOUR INNER DRAG “Drag queens are artists, and drag shows are an artistic expression for all involved. We create a world where the audience can forget about their daily lives and come into our world of illusions.” Wendt also says each performer focuses his or her attention on the audience. “The audience is the star of the show, and they make us better performers.” Every show is different, with the exception of the music. Wendt says, “We repeat some songs from one show to another because both members and performers enjoy them.” Some of Wendt’s favorite artists to lip sync to are Anastacia, Sia, Kristine W and Nicole Scherzinger.

DRAG DEVOTEE Lacey C. Morlan is a loyal fan of Rochester Girls. “I started going to the shows when one of my gay friends invited me. Now I keep going because I am friends with all of them,” says Morlan. She also enjoys the performances because of what the group portrays.“Rochester Girls are showing [others] that it’s okay to be who you want to be, gay, straight, lesbian, bisexual or transgender. Anyone is welcome in this community. You are loved no matter what.” The next performance for the Rochester Girls is Saturday, July 19, 2014. The Girls perform at the Wicked Moose Bar and Grill in Rochester. The doors open at 6:30 p.m. Nicole L. Czarnomski is a freelance writer in St. Charles. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

cover story

2 When [LOVE] Doesn’t Meet the Status Quo LOVING SOMEONE BEHIND [BARS] BY METTE GREISING

CAN YOU DESCRIBE YOUR EXPERIENCE Q: OF LOSING A LOVED ONE

THROUGH INCARCERATION?

I was just nineteen years old living in Rochester when the father of my ninemonth-old son was arrested for drug possession and sent to prison. His arrest came just two days after moving into a new apartment together. The police took all his money as well as our car, so I had to go to court and legally assert his rights to “win” his car back. At that time, we sold the vehicle since we were not able to get any of the money back that they took, but the financial gain was short-lived. My financial predicament caused a need for me to move back in with my parents who owned a triplex in northwest Rochester. Where I lived semi-independently with my 30

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

son at a very reasonable rate and with their familial support and loving presence. This was an amazing blessing and my son grew up about as close to brothers with my younger brother as someone with different parents could be. He also had the benefit of learning from my father who is one of the best examples for a young child as you could ever find (he basically doesn’t speak “baby-talk” and treats our little people as individuals worthy of the same respect as adults). The court process was an exhausting and emotionally draining experience for me. I traveled back and forth to the federal courthouse in Saint Paul with my infant son for every possible glimpse of our beloved without having a glass divider between us. I remember simply not accepting or believing the verdict when he was sentenced to 144 months. I knew his actions were wrong; they were heartbreaking for me too. But I could not believe that he would actually end up serving the nine-and-a-half years that he did. But, I was determined not to leave his side no matter what.

At first, he tried to convince me to move on with my life. He expressed remorse for putting us in the situation and did not want to see me “waste my life” waiting for him. He also later admitted that he just didn’t think I was capable of waiting and wanted to spare himself that future heartbreak. But his feeble attempts at convincing me to move on were soothed and silenced by my fierce determination and action. The way I saw it, I had made a commitment when I bore his child, and now that commitment was between more than just him and me. It was a commitment to my son and my Creator. For nine-and-a-half years, I was on the highway between Minnesota, Wisconsin, Illinois and Michigan, with my growing son, and sometimes his older brother. Traveling to visit their father and make the most of the few hours we had together. We would pass the time by playing cards whenever there was a full deck, or making imaginary weapons out of the raggedy old donated toys in the visiting room toy box for the kids. After his first five years of incarceration, we were married in Sandstone, Minnesota. Contrary to popular speculation, there are not conjugal visits or special privileges for wives that we ever knew of other than issues surrounding confidentiality or a few various family-related, highly monitored events.

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WHAT KIND OF IMPACT DID IT HAVE Q: ON YOUR FAMILY? As far as my parents, I have to say they were probably more supportive than anyone’s parents I have ever heard of. I think they realized that as the father of their grandchild, they were connected to this person whether they liked it or not. So they reasoned that it would be in everyone’s best interests to accept and support the situation. They also probably knew me well enough to realize how stubborn I am, and if they tried to give me an ultimatum, I would go at it alone. From the standpoint of kids, there are a lot of varying opinions on whether it’s appropriate to expose them to the prison environment. While I’m not an expert in child psychology, I do have a firsthand account on how my older son turned out. He spent nearly half his weekends from age 1 to 11 in a prison visiting room. I chose to bring my son to see his father every chance we had for most of his childhood. Although I cannot speak directly to his experience of how that directly impacted him, I am proud to report that he graduated from John Marshall high school via RCTC’s PSEO program; he will have an Associate of Arts degree before he turns 19 years old; he has had a six-year distinguished boxing career, and during that time he’s been ranked as high as second in the world for his age and weight class. In his “spare time” he dabbles in educating himself about multimedia production, light and sound and wants to go to college for mass communications. My son has a very clear idea of the career he wants in life, but more importantly he exhibits leadership skills that even I learn and benefit from every day. Of course, the formula for his success cannot be attributed entirely to the fact that he spent a lot of weekends in prison visiting rooms as a child, but I suspect that helping to facilitate a close and open relationship with his father had a lot to do with it.

WHAT IMPACT DID OTHERS PERCEPTIONS Q: HAVE ON YOUR RELATIONSHIP? Other than a few closes friends and relatives, I told very few people about the specifics of my family situation. About 80 percent of the time I was open about it, I would get a lot of unsolicited advice and judgment. People would try to be nice by glorifying my virtues and belittling my husband, having no clue that was hurtful to me. Not telling others, or saying he was away at school (which he was; he took a lot of college and trade school programs) became a defense mechanism for me. Another result was, that although we didn’t end up together, he was better enabled to pull himself above his circumstances and to create his own new beginning building his future. I could never take credit for his perseverance and determination, but I like to think that his success today could be traced partly back to that act of loyalty as an expression of love that helped enabled him to keep the faith. He saw me accomplish the “impossible” task of remaining devoted and faithful to an inmate for his entire incarceration. And when we as humans see things happen before our eyes that we thought to be impossible, it tends to give us faith.

WHAT WAS THE PHYSICAL Q: SEPARATION LIKE? It wasn’t about every day making a choice to be faithful and having to struggle with temptation or loneliness. It was more like making a lifestyle choice to avoid temptation rather than resist it. Most of my friends from high school who still live here could probably attest that they didn’t even know I lived in Rochester anymore for about a decade after high school.

Our love mixed with societal pressures against us really fueled the determination to make it work. The end result was that we grew, sustained and nurtured a very loving, committed relationship despite nearly 10 years of physical separation. That’s something that I’ll always be proud of and grateful for. I worked on my formal and informal education, making productive choices and sacrificing what most young people call fun for closeness of family.

WHAT WOULD YOUR MESSAGE BE TO Q: OTHERS LOVING SOMEONE BEHIND BARS?

My advice is specifically for women who love and care about someone who is incarcerated: just love them in whatever capacity you can, and begin by loving yourself enough to follow your own inner voice. By doing this, you can create a space for healing and love to come in and help not only your loved one, but yourself as well. Even those who have our best interests at heart and want the best for our situations cannot step inside our hearts and bodies and feel our conscience, see our vision, or hear the words the Creator speaks to us directly. A devoted act of love could actually change the entire trajectory of someone’s life, as well as the lives of their current and future descendants! Mette Greising is a lifelong resident and active member of the Rochester, MN community. She is passionate about issues such as social justice, inclusion and diversity, and creating safe spaces for the authentic human voices to be heard.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

healthy living

HOW BLURRED LINES HURT BY SHELLY WINEMILLER, LMFT ave you ever offered to do something for someone else but ended up depleted and resenting them? If so, this may be a sign that your relationship boundaries are blurred. Lack of emotional and physical space between you and another person can foster confusion, disillusionment, and resentment. However, setting healthy boundaries puts you on track to psychological, physical and emotional well-being. Think of your boundaries as a critical safety net for your health. There is no magic wand to set a boundary; it takes learning, planning and practice. A critical first step is to notice how unhealthy boundaries may have crept into your relationships: • You keep doing more and more – at home, work, church – to feel fulfilled, but you end up mostly just exhausted. • You live your life wishing that others around you will change. • You have few hobbies because you are so involved in what others are doing. • You are often unclear about what you like or dislike and look for others to guide you instead. • You typically change yourself to fit the mood of others around you. • You have difficulty stating your feelings or your needs. • Your main concern is to keep things stable around you or even just to get by. • You tolerate problems or “look the other way” while you or someone close to you is treated without respect. • You don’t trust your intuition.

May/June 2014 RWmagazine.com

PUTTING YOURSELF IN FOCUS The key to establishing healthy boundaries is working on getting clear about what you want and what your beliefs and values are. In the process you will find awareness and clarity about who YOU are and what makes you important. Defining where you begin and end in relationship to others helps others know what you will or will not tolerate. Here are some examples of healthy statements to build your boundaries: • “Rather than ignore my feelings or intuition when I am treated negatively, I choose to engage in my feelings. This will help me protect myself from further hurt.” • “I have the right to be seen, heard and understood. Others may not violate this boundary by overpowering, manipulating or attempting to control me. I will stand up for myself so others will learn to respect my rights.” • “In order to protect my dignity and privacy, there is a line I have drawn that others may not cross.” • “I will no longer be aloof or abruptly leave a relationship without communicating. Instead, I will speak my truth and trust in my own ability to maintain my own emotional health and well-being.”

HEALTHY BOUNDARY BUILDERS I encourage you to grab some note cards and work through these steps: 1. Write down two specific examples/ behaviors in which you don’t feel respected in a relationship. 2. Identify your feelings during those moments. Identify what you need for yourself at those times.

3. As you write down your answers for 2 and 3, what do you tell yourself about having those feelings or needs? (e.g., “I shouldn’t ___” or “I ought to __” or “It’s not good for me to think that way.”) 4. Write out on a 3x5 card your truths: My feelings are ____. I need ______. Try not to use the word “you” in these sentences (e.g., rather than “I need you to ___,” write “I need to ___.”) 5. Practice stating your feelings and needs literally, out loud. You may feel embarrassed or even afraid to say these things at first. Just read right off your card!

SUPPORTING YOUR HEALTHIER BOUNDARIES Getting support when you start to set healthier boundaries is extremely important. You may try role-playing with a friend (who can listen without giving advice), or you may want the help of a trained therapist. Friends, family or partners may not be used to hearing you state your own needs or boundaries, and this will rock the boat. Others may try to push you back to the status quo. These growing pains are normal, so be gentle with yourself and remember you are changing patterns that have been inside for a long time. It takes practice and dedication to stick to your plan, but inside is a more beautiful “you” waiting to be discovered, unbound and explored! Shelly Winemiller is a Licensed Marriage and Family Therapist who started Wellspring Family Therapy Center in Rochester. She can be reached by email at shelly@wellspringmn.com

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food & wine

& is it taboo

Eat ‘Em Raw Drink Your Food

to you?

BY DAWN SANBORN PHOTOGRAPHY BY DAWN SANBORN PHOTOGRAPHY 36

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

Sashimi with daiko n radish salad delicacy co

Sashimi is a Japanese

EAT ‘EM RAW

nsisting of very fresh raw

• 1 pound sushi-grade Tuna • 4 inch piece of daiko n radish, julienne cut • 2 inch piece of fresh ginger • 4 Tbsp. of sake wine, separated • 1 tsp. of mirin (sweet cooking sake) • 1/4 cup soy sauce

meat or fish sliced into

thin pieces.

Raw fish, in my opinion is kinda risky. I mean thoughts of high school science class and food poisoning come to mind, but in reality people have been doing it for thousands of years. The reported dangers of illness brought on by eating raw fish and To make the dipping sau ce, combine the mirin meat often cause fear and confusion in and 2 Tbsp. of the sak to a boil. Turn off the e in a small pot and bri heat and add the soy ng sauce. Bring to room the minds of those who have not enjoyed with the finest grater yo tem pe rature. Grate the ginge u have. Put the cut da r ikon radish in a bowl such foods, proponents of raw food will of sake over the top. Let and pour the other 2 sit for at least 30 minute Tb sp. s. Slice the tuna again sharp knife into thin slic tell you it’s perfectly safe if prepared st the grain with a ver es. Slice in one sharp y movement; do not saw place on a plate, arran correctly and consumed properly. After . Drain the daikon and ging the tuna over the top . W ith co yo ne ur fingers roll the grated s and place on the sid all, I made these dishes and fed them to e of the tuna. To eat, pu ginger into t a little ginger in the soy the tuna in it. Eat the da my husband, and he didn’t die. sauce mix and dip ikon in between. As an appetizer, ser ves 4. Side note: Just be aware of food safety considerations when eating raw fish, especially if you’re considered a high-risk individual (those with compromised immune systems or with decreased stomach acidity, as well as pregnant women, infants, young children and older adults.)

The word sashimi means “pierced body,” i.e., sashimi = sashi (pierced, stuck) + mi (body, meat).

Ceviche

iche v e c f o n i g i r T he o st o m t I . d e t u i s di s p e a of r a e h t n i s e i likely l eru. P y a d t n e pres

Ceviche is a seafood dish popular in the co astal regions of the Americas, especially in Central and South America. • 1 pound tilapia filets, finely diced • 1/2 cup lime juice or enough to cover the dic ed fish in a bowl • 1/4 cup tomato, seede d and diced • 1/4 cup cucumber, dic ed • 1/4 cup red onion, dic ed • 1/8 cup cilantro leaves , chopped • 1 Tbsp. white vinegar • 1/2 Tbsp. hot sauce (or to taste if you like it hot) • 1/2 jalapeno, to tas te • Salt and pepper, to tas te • corn chips or sliced ha rd bread Place the diced fish into a bowl, pour enough lim e juice over the fish to cover completely. Sti r and cover then place in the refrigerator for at least one hour, this is how the fish “co oks.” It will turn white when it is ready . Remove from the refrig erator and drain. Add the remaining ing redients and stir thorou ghly. Season with salt and pepper to tas te. Serve with corn chi ps or bread.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

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Breakfast: 8am-11am Friday 8am-1pm Sat-Sun Lunch 11am Mon-Sun

120 Elton Hills Drive NW (Next to Dunn Bros) 285.2516 38

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

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Drink your food? I thought juicing was bizarre. Why drink your food when you can enjoy eating it? So I researched the purpose of juicing and did some taste testing. Come to my surprise, I liked it! Juicing is generally the preferred method of consuming large amounts of produce quickly and is often completed with a specialized household appliance called a juicer. People who do juicing rave about its health benefits, and I have to admit, I did see some increased energy in myself. According to Michelle Fimon, avid juicer and cancer survivor, “The chlorophyll is such a shot of sunshine and life. I can tell the difference when I juice vegetables or use fresh organic greens in my smoothies; my energy level soars, and I have a clarity surpassing that which would normally have come from a daily coffee routine,” Michelle adds with a glowing smile. We obtained a few recipes from Nicci Sylvester, owner of Tonic in Rochester. Make sure to visit her place, the atmosphere is relaxing and fun. The food is scrumptious and they offer a variety of delicious smoothies and juices. So is it really taboo, or is it just plain delicious? You decide.

A j ui c e r c reates j ui c e s ( n o pulp) while a bl ender will create smo othies.

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RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

2 Women &Wine food & wine

White Zinfandel THE PINK-HEADED STEP-CHILD BY JODY BROWN

THE BIRTH OF WHITE ZIN White Zin is made from red Zinfandel grapes. The grapes are crushed and their skins are removed quickly from the juice, giving it a pink color. California winemaker Bob Trinchero of Sutter Home was making red Zinfandel in the 1970s. In order to condense the wine down to a stronger concentration, excess juice was “bled off ” or removed (saignée technique). This juice is what became the original White Zinfandel, which was drier in taste. When one batch experienced “stuck fermentation” (the yeast died off before consuming all the sugar), the sugary batch “accident” became the sweet White Zinfandel we know today.

PRICE & POPULARITY Many winemakers are making White Zinfandel: Sutter Home, Gallo and Montevina, just to name a few. The sugar added when making White Zinfandel masks many imperfections in the grapes themselves, allowing for grapes to be grown in less sought-after areas, producing a less expensive product overall. According to the Alcohol and Tobacco Tax and Trade Bureau (TTB), U.S. sales of White Zinfandel were around seven percent of overall wine sales, a percentage close to Pinot Noir. “It’s like fruit punch for grown-ups,” Suzanne said. “I could drink this all day long.” “With a pasta salad and some dessert,” Lucy considered. “I like a little food with my wine.” “Spicy food,” Georgette said, which raised some eyebrows. “What? You know I’d prefer a Riesling, but spicy and sweet go well together. Actually, I’d prefer a very German Riesling with a hint of oil mixed with the subtle sweet. That’s food wine.”

ROOKIES “Wow, look at me,” Suzanne brandished her glass with pride, “I look like a wine drinker. I am a wine drinker. And I like this. I don’t

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

have to drink wine that tastes like dust to fit in.” “You can drink whatever you want. You’re my friend and I love you,” Georgette said. “White Zin is, well, entry-level. Most people start there because of the fruity, sweet taste. But one day, you might crave flavors of subtle pear, apricot, chocolate, tobacco, and, fine, dust. That’s the day you’ll ‘get off the sugar.’” And that’s what makes White Zin so taboo: novice disdain. It’s the wine world’s equivalent to the seniors rolling their eyes at the freshmen. But, my fellow snobs, we were all rookies at some point.

TRIVIA: WHITE ZIN’S CONTRIBUTION TO RED DRINKERS In recent history, old (50+ years) and even ancient (80+ years) Zinfandel vines were being pulled up so the land could be replanted with Merlot grapes. Because of the popularity of White Zin, those old vines were given a pardon, which is why we have many of those gorgeous red Zinfandel wines today. Jody Brown is a freelance writer living in Rochester and a server at Sontes Restaurant. She is the author of “Upside Down Kingdom”

PhotoSpin® stock image.

h, White Zinfandel, the stuff wine drinkers love to hate! Why does the sommelier look down his nose at you when you ask for it? Why do many upscale restaurants refuse to list it on their menu even if they secretly have a stash? Is it because it’s inexpensive? Because it’s sweet? Pink? Or is there something else to the fruity wine that gives it a taboo reputation? I sat down with my wine girls to find out. Right off the bat, or out of the bottle, I got groaning from Georgette, a smirk from Lucy, and a declaration from Suzanne that she loved the color. “If you’re going for color, get a nice Rosé—a dry one,” Georgette says. “White Zin is a way of drinking wine without spending a lot of money for subtle flavors that you haven’t learned to taste yet. But why stay at the starting line when there are great wines to try from there?”

�ursday, August 28, 2014 6 – 8 p.m. at

RWmagazine.com

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RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

fashion

Trend or

TABOO? WHAT TO DO

BY IMAGE STYLIST JILL SWANSON

PhotoSpin® stock image.

an you wear white to a wedding? Socks with sandals? Black with navy? Recent media reports say these age-old fashion taboos are now all in vogue. While all things are permissible not all are stylish. Etiquette books today say wearing white to a wedding is acceptable. But many of us aren’t reading etiquette books and still believe that anyone who wears white is trying to upstage the bride. Socks with sandals – seriously? It may be a trend, but frankly, it isn’t flattering, and while my husband might do it, (not on my watch), it remains more suitable for the ancient Romans and die-hard hikers. The rest of us should let this one go. Odd color combinations, such as black and navy together are acceptable, provided the two colors aren’t so similar that it appears you dressed in the dark and mismatched them. The secret to combining two unique colors is to do so in uneven amounts: a lot of one color and significantly less of the other. Then, add just the right accessory and you will look totally chic.

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

PLEASE DON’T What are the real wardrobe and beauty no-no’s today? As an image consultant, my list includes VPLs (visible panty lines), whale tails (tell-tale thongs under low-rise jeans) and undergarments worn as outer garments. Thin leggings with short tops make me wonder if the wearer unknowingly lost her skirt and make me conclude that some things are just better left to the imagination. A big fashion don’t is anything that does not flatter the wearer’s body. Cindy Hughes, owner of Refashion Consignment, agrees. She determines what’s hot and what’s not on a daily basis when buying for her consignment shop: “Bubble skirts, disco shoes and gauchos from the ‘80s are what I would consider taboo.” I must agree; these relics, along with the new wide-crop tops, are unflattering for almost any body shape.

MAKE-OVER ASAP When it comes to hair and makeup, local experts weigh in on what is trending and what is taboo. Sarah Flatness, manager of About Face Beauty, says that wearing the same foundation year- round is out. Humid summers and dry winters make it mandatory to adjust foundation formulas to suit the season. She adds that we should toss mascara that is past its prime. After three months, bacteria can build up in the tube and lead to eye infections (not to mention clumpy, spider-leg lashes). About Face also has a fun line of skincare products called “Fatgirl” (now if ever there was a taboo product name, that has to be in the top ten).

Hair Studio 52’s owner and stylist, Jessica Amos, says that doing at-home color, foiling or ombre is totally taboo. And, I might add perming and highlighting your hair in the same week is unwise. I remember running to my stylist in tears after a chemical reaction that produced dark, wire sprigs among my blonde hair in a do-it-yourself attempt to look like Farrah Fawcett. Live and learn.

WHAT TO DO? Fashion taboos come and go, but breaking some of the rules can actually update your look. For example: • It is no longer “wrong” to wear white after Labor Day. You can break this rule stylishly by choosing heavier fabrics and textures in white to bring about a classy, fresh change of pace during our long, cold winters. • Learn to rebel in the accessory department. It is very on-trend to mix metals. Combine gold and silver chains, pair antique metal with pearls and wear a rhinestone bracelet with pewter bangles. A random mismatched pop of color in a statement necklace will take your outfit to the next level. • Purses and shoes no longer have to coordinate with each other, or even the ensemble, for that matter. A word to the wise: Keep your color variety within reason - if Ringling Brothers calls, you may have over done it, but don’t be afraid to change it up! Image Consultant and speaker Jill Swanson works with individuals to style, update, and accentuate their image. She is also the author of the newly released “Out the Door in 15 Minutes!” For more information, go to jillswanson.com or 507-281-2981.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

Art Fair and Winery Trolley Tours and Winery Tour!

Saturday, July 19, 9 a.m. - 5:30 p.m. Relax and enjoy the ride along the Mississippi River to the Stockholm (Wis.) Art Fair. Before the Art Fair we’ll stop at Maiden Rock Winery & Cidery for a tour and wine tasting. On the way back we’ll stop for an extended wine tasting and complimentary cheese boards at Whitewater Winery. Leave the driving to us and enjoy the day! Only $39 per person. Includes wine tastings and trolley tour.

Great River Road Wine Trail Trolley Tours “South” Trolley Tour* Sunday, July 13, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday, August 31, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.

“Middle” Trolley Tour*

“North” Trolley Tour*

Sunday, August 3, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m.

*Only $69 per person. Includes wine tastings and trolley tour.

Sunday, July 27, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. “Lake Pepin” Tour Sunday, September 28, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday, August 24, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Only $79. Includes artisan buffet lunch of locally grown food, wine tasting and . trolley tour.

Bluff Country Wine Trail Trolley Tour Sunday, August 10, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Sunday, September 14, 10 a.m. - 6 p.m. Only $69 per person. Includes wine tastings and trolley tour.

SAINT CROIX VINEYARDS

GRAPE STOMP FESTIVAL Board the trolley in the morning for a full day of wine stomping, apple and wine tasting, apple orchard tours, music, food and more! Only $69 per person. Advanced Registrations Required www.RochesterMNtours.com – 507-421-0573 Trolley departs Olmsted County Government Center parking lot ~151 4th St SE, Rochester

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

home & garden

Decorating TABOOS

MODERN DAY DO’S AND DON’TS FOR YOUR HOME BY DEBI NEVILLE

ou read magazines, watch TV shows, check out on-line sites, but when you walk into your house, your senses know there is something that’s not quite right. It’s a decorating dilemma. You are ready to scream, “Somebody help me please!” You ask for advice from doctors, lawyers, plumbers, but hesitate to ask for decorating guidance. One taboo is not asking for help. Professionals listen and give advice about everything from floor rugs to pictures as well as furniture and accessories. We talked with experts who offer wise words of advice, so read and heed their tips before you take another step.

PhotoSpin® stock image.

WHERE TO BEGIN Mary Kuehn, owner of Trade Mart Furniture in Rochester has a long list of decorating taboos. “The single biggest taboo,” she says, “is too much stuff; on walls, countertops, floors, furniture; you name it.” The days of country collectibles are gone. Our lives are busier and more stressful than ever. Our homes need to offer an oasis of calm, and organization. And that is easier with less “stuff ”, Kuehn advises. Take a look around your house with a critical eye. It’s difficult to be objective, so ask a friend or staging professional for an opinion. Try moving things out or around. A chair that has always been in the living room might look great in a bedroom. Freeing up the space can take little effort with big results. A bad paint job or poor quality paint can set an entire room on the wrong path, Emily Morehart, Kuehn’s daughter and buying expert, advises. Using a dark paint in a small room is a big no-no. It creates a

dungeon effect. “Different colors in every room are a problem too. Continuity and flow from one room to another make the whole house feel bigger, brighter and more cohesive.” Don’t be afraid to paint the ceiling. A darker color can create drama, a light blue will imitate the sky and a bright white can bounce light. Talk to a paint professional for advice or suggestions. The same goes for flooring. Missy Bakken of Rochester’s Carpet One and Degeus Tile and Granite cautions against different flooring in every room. “Years ago,” she says, “it was not unusual to see green in one bedroom blue in another and pink in yet another room with living room and hallway not always matching. It’s a big no-no now.” “You could vary textures of the same color palette, but don’t mix too many tones or kinds.” Bakken also suggests you think long term. “Wood is very warm, easy care and will last for years. Whatever you choose, one room should flow into another. It’s easier on the eye. ” The investment of flooring is substantial so choose something that won’t go out of style and that compliments your house, not just your furniture. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

FAD OR FAVORITES Bakken agrees with Kuehn and Morehart on one major decorating mistake, “buying into color or fads when making a major purchase of flooring or furniture.” A basic color won’t go out of style and doesn’t have to be boring when you add favorite colors in pillows, frames and curtains to jazz up a room. Themed rooms should be forbidden according to Morehart. “Too much of a good thing makes the whole room go wrong. Zebra stripes or princess accessories can be great on bedcovering or curtains, but don’t overuse. Kids grow out of a phase and then you’re stuck with something that was cute when they were six. Not so great at 16. Remember that less is more.” Buying into current, so called popular colors, whether on your walls, counters or furniture will date the room. You don’t want people to walk in and know the last time you decorated was 1990.

SPACE SUITE “Misuse of space is a major taboo,” says Kevin Larson of Drury’s in Fountain. “You need to consider how you use rooms. Ask yourself and your family a few questions before making a major change or purchase. What’s your favorite space? Where do you spend your time?” For example: if your home has a formal dining room and you never entertain and the dining table hasn’t seen your good china for years, repurpose the room. Perhaps it could be a den, office or library. Wasted or unused space is a waste of money. Another taboo in housing. Don’t try to make the space into something that doesn’t fit your family or the design and layout of the home. Consider your style, not someone else’s he says. The architecture of the room plays an important part and everything from art work to accessories should fit well. It’s better to have one large, good piece of art on the wall, than several pieces that just don’t work, he cautions. Be realistic in your expectations. “Good decorating doesn’t happen overnight,” Larson states.

EXPERTS AGREE THAT A FEW MINOR CHANGES CAN MAKE MAJOR IMPROVEMENTS. Here is a check list of do’s and don’ts we hope you find helpful.

DON’T Artificial flowers or greenery

Live plants only

Small scatter rugs

A big rug makes a statement

Big furniture in smaller room

Room size determines furniture size

Pictures hung too high

Hang pictures at eye level

Poor lighting

Use adequate lamps and overhead lighting

Wasted space, unused rooms

Re-purpose. Example: guest room to office

Furniture lined against wall

Position at an angle, group furniture

Everything matches

Mix wood, glass, metal and textures

“Show room look”

Decorating should evolve, incorporate cherished items

Refrigerator covered with stuff

Rotate one picture or artwork weekly on fridge

Family photos everywhere

Photo album with favorites

Cluttered vanities & countertops

Use containers & limit kitchen to one appliance

Lots of little accessories

Choose a few favorites, make a statement

Bare foyer

Rugs, chair, a plant to welcome

Visible cables and cords

Safety first! Hide behind or under something

Outdated hardware, faucets, lights Replace when you can Bare windows or heavy drapes

Debi Neville is a freelance writer and has a background in interior decorating and staging.

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

DO!

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home & garden

Escape to the Cape A LIBRARY OF REFLECTION AND REPOSE

Photos Courtesy of Design Studio B.

BY PENNY MARSHALL

CONTRACTOR:

Design Studio B

PROJECT:

Turn an outgrown playroom into a Cape Cod library

Before.

hen Beth and Brad Leibovich decided to convert their daughters’ former playroom into a library, they weren’t thinking of dark wood, heavy tapestries and wall mounted maps. “We wanted something light, peaceful and pretty,” says Beth. “A room with no TV, no computer or electronics, a place where we could have solitude, entertain and display some of our glass collectibles.”

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

Subcontractors:

Nigon Woodworks Pompeii Painting Bright Ideas Carpet One English Electric Dakota Sign Co. Rochester City Delivery Design Studio B Brigham’s Quality Installations

Cape Cod has long been a summer vacation destination for this native East Coast couple and it was important that the décor be infused with their passion for the beach. Beth explains, “I wanted the room to be the same soft, sea glass colors that you see in all the shops and that remind us of the Cape–soft gray, green and blue.”

ON A MISSION Armed with a throw pillow revealing the color palette she had in mind, along with an idea for a curio display similar to her motherin-law’s, Beth began her search for decorating materials and fabrics that she thought would work. Overwhelmed and unable to find what she wanted, she took her inspiration to Karen Blissenbach of Design Studio B, who was able to provide the Leibovich’s with a host

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July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

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of options for the new space. Beth explained that Karen had done a remarkable job decorating other rooms in their home and that with Karen’s knowledge and expertise, the process was so much easier. “The family’s fondness of Cape Cod and Beth’s collection of salt dips was an absolutely perfect launch for their project,” says Karen. The re-do included new carpet, painting walls and oak woodwork, a new light fixture, custom cabinetry, new furnishings and window treatments.

OUT OF THE CUPBOARD AND ON DISPLAY A white built-in floor-to-ceiling curio cabinet flanked by book cases is the first thing to grab your attention as you enter the elegant, yet comfortable, place of repose. A collection of Beth’s grandmother’s teacups, vases and other treasures are showcased on glass shelves behind glass doors that have an intersecting, semi-circular stylized design. The beauty of the glassware is enhanced by a backdrop of peridot-colored, glass bead wall covering. “It’s so nice being able to enjoy these pieces rather than having them in cupboards or packed away where we can’t appreciate them,” says Beth. Karen continued her design pattern from the cabinetry and curio front to the walnut, espresso-finished coffee table. A glass top allows for viewing and appreciation of Beth’s collection of porcelain salt-dips. The miniature bowls and spoons appear to be resting on sand, but it’s actually a continuation of the glass bead wall covering in a hue called Moonbeam. Books, family photos and items collected from travels are readily accessible and easily viewed on the bookshelves. Drawers offer extra storage.

The couple's collection of salt dips make for a unique display in the coffee table. Left: Detail of one of the salt dips displayed.

CLOSE TO THE HEART ART Soft gray walls with white crown molding boast two very special pieces of artwork with distinctive meaning to the Leibovich family. One is a painting they came across at Gold Rush that’s of Skaket Beach in Cape Cod–a place they frequently visit. The other is a photograph capturing the very location that Brad proposed to Beth-a swing overlooking Cayuga in Lake Ithaca New York. “The library is a reflection of who we are, our love of the beach, Cape Cod, our family pictures, collectibles and books,” says Beth. “It’s a place where I have girl friends over for coffee, we enjoy wine and cheese with friends, and along with our daughtersRachel, 17, and Carolyn, 14, enjoy reading. This room is exactly what we wanted.” Penny Marshall is a freelance writer living in Rochester.

Soft and colorful print panels allow for the light to shine through the bay window.

The calm shades of the Cape are reflected in the neutral furnishings.

FRESH FURNISHINGS The ample sized bay window provides plenty of natural sun light is newly dressed. It has stationary side panels of embroidered fabric on abbreviated rods with split draw sheer panels. To complete the re-do, we find four neutral-colored, upholstered club chairs, an upright piano with a freshly covered bench, and neutral, sand-colored carpeting. French doors to the family room and a new ceiling light fixture with drum shade complete the décor. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

home & garden

SSummertime ummertime Garden Tours VISIT AREA GARDENS THAT ARE WORKS OF ART BY K.L. SNYDER

Photos Courtesy of Joyce Grier

arden masterpieces bloom here too, and soon several will be on display. On two July evenings, a pair of local nonprofits will present garden tours designed to delight, surprise and inspire. You’ll get good ideas, and the tours’ proceeds will fund community service projects.

ROCHESTER GARDEN AND FLOWER CLUB 2014 GARDEN TOUR, JULY 17 Rochester Garden and Flower Club (RGFC) formed in 1929 and introduced its annual garden tours sometime in the 1960s, says Connie Parrett who, with Barb Muenkel, co-chair the 2014 tour. RGFC members have a variety of gardening interests, Parrett says, “but we all like to learn and have fun.” A few of RGFC’s many activities are planting and tending flowerbeds at Soldiers Field Veterans Memorial and at Olmsted County Fairgrounds, landscaping for Habitat for Humanity and tending the Rochester Community and Technical College S.M.A.R.T. Gardens rose garden during the summer. The garden tour starts at the S.M.A.R.T. Gardens and is self-guided, its five stops are top-secret until you buy your ticket, which you can’t do until tour day. The ice cream social will continue as a tradition, and remember to register for door prizes. In making their masterpieces, the gardens’ owners did all the labor, including moving soil and hauling boulders: ‘dirty work’, as we call it,” Muenkel says. Tour highlights include: • Fountains, arbors, pathways and plants that like sunshine, all in an English garden. • Hostas, impatiens and other shade-loving plants happily thriving in sylvan spaces. • Ponds, streams, bridges and an outdoor movie theater amidst whimsical red terraced boulders. 52

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

Rochester Garden and Flower Club 2014 Annual Garden Tour Thursday, July 17, 2014 4 p.m. to dusk, $10 (age 18 and younger free). Available 3:30 p.m.-7:30 p.m. the day of the tour at Rochester Community and Technical College Heintz Center’s S.M.A.R.T. Gardens, 1926 College View Road S.E. Trolley reservations must be made in advance. $39 includes garden tour admission, beverages and a light dinner. RochesterMNtours.com or 507-421-0573. For more info: rgfc.org

• Demonstrations on capturing and using rainwater, cooking with garden herbs, getting children involved in gardening, creating fairy gardens and choosing accessories, succulent wreaths and faux cement pots. • Music or art or both at every garden and Master Gardeners to answer questions.

“My garden is my most beautiful masterpiece.”-Claude Monet 5TH ANNUAL TOUR WITH THE MASTERS, JULY 23 “The Master Gardener Program, part of University of Minnesota Extension Services, has a commission to provide education about gardening,” says Joyce Grier, chair of the Tour with the Masters committee. She’s a Master Gardener too, and that’s a title she’s earned. To qualify, gardeners must take the Extension Master Gardener Core Course. Olmsted County Master Gardeners are involved in more than 30 public service projects, including butterfly gardens at schools, the rain garden at Paws and Claws Humane Society and butterfly, rain and hummingbird gardens at Quarry Hill Nature Center. Master Gardeners also teach Boys and Girls Club kids how to raise vegetables and prepare healthy snacks from the harvest. Speaking of vegetables, every year that enormous, flourishing Master Gardeners’ garden at the History Center of Olmsted County supplies thousands of pounds of produce to Channel One. The 2014 Tour with the Masters features six northwest-area gardens. “They’re all really nice and each is unique,” Grier says. “Everyone on the tour is infected with the gardening bug.” Highlights include: • Roses in profusion, along with flowerbeds of sedum, phlox, iris, ajuga and more; an educational display will give information about growing roses in Minnesota • Garden on a steep hillside with boulders as retaining walls, with native prairie plants–black-eyed Susans, stiff goldenrod, big bluestem–blanketing the foot of the hill; information from the Minnesota Native Plant and Zumbro Valley Audubon societies will cover landscaping with native plants and attracting birds to your yard. • An abundance of hostas and other perennials in an oak and cedar forest setting that overlooks the Zumbro River; the landscaped riverbank has limestone retaining walls, plants and seating areas.

• A 300-foot stretch of privacy hedge comprised of lilac bushes; more than 400 varieties of hostas, a pond and a dry streambed • A rain garden, weeping trees–spruces and plum–and a vertical vegetable garden on a fence • A corkscrew willow tree, ponds and a rooftop garden with information on how to grow one yourself

5th Annual Tour with the Masters Wednesday, July 23, 2014 4 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. $5. On sale starting July 9 at Sargent’s on 2nd. Also available at 4 p.m. tour day at Rochester Community and Technical College Heintz Center’s west parking lot, 1926 College View Road S.E., and at each of the tour’s gardens. To tour by trolley: Reservations must be made in advance. $35 includes garden tour admission, food samples, beverages and a light dinner on the trolley. RochesterMNtours.com or 507-421-0573. For the gardens’ descriptions and addresses: co.olmsted.mn.us/extension

KL Snyder is a writer who wishes her thumb were green. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

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Great Summer Reads

book review

BOOK REVIEWS BY SARAH OSLUND

I BELLY DANCE BECAUSE: THE TRANSFORMATIVE POWER OF DANCE “I Belly Dance Because: The Transformative Power of Dance” is a collection of essays written by dancers across the nation and edited by local professional belly dancer and owner of Rochester International Dance Studio, Terri Allred. Allred, who dances as “Sadiya,” put a call out to dancers around the world to submit their personal stories, begging answers to the question “How has belly dancing enriched your life?” “I Belly Dance Because” is marked with touching stories from dancers of all ages depicting the delicate balance between the structure of the dance and the creative freedom it provides. Readers may be struck by how many dancers, Allred included, found their way into this beautiful art form while struggling through a difficult time in their lives. “When I walked into my first class…I felt as if I had found ‘my people,’” Allred writes. “I transformed from a woman plagued by injury, self-doubt and low self-esteem to a confident and healthy ‘dancing queen.’” No doubt more than a reader or two will be intrigued enough by the passion captured in these heartfelt essays to seek out a class and nurture her own need for transformation. Ohio native Anita Lalwani “had no intention of becoming a dancer, a performer, or a teacher. All I wanted was to move. Move my body through the dark space…and get back into the light. Little did I know that belly dance would end up transforming me, and that the transformation would continue to this day.” Today Lalwani teaches belly dance in San Francisco. “I Belly Dance Because: The Transformative Power of Dance” is available on Amazon.com, via Allred’s website at RochesterInternationalDance.com or in her studio.

DROWNING TORY The mind is a strange thing. I realized this in the last minutes of my life. I knew I was dying; yet I was calmly amazed at the thoughts that raced through my brain. I tried to piece together all that had led to this moment and being held underwater, my body deprived of oxygen.

Why? I thought. I had done nothing to deserve this.

Drawing the reader in from the first few words, “Drowning Tory” is local author Sheryl Barlow’s second novel. Set in Rochester, the novel follows young Tory Smith, a slightly awkward yet not unpopular teen whose current focus is to win the state title in high school swimming and secure a scholarship to college. Life as she knows it, however, is turned on its head when a relative Tory didn’t know she had moves to town. When Barlow began writing the novel, the setting was in Colorado. But a few chapters in, Barlow says she “kept picturing Rochester locations, so I switched it.” The familiar scenery made the story flow more easily for her. The novel includes several references to local haunts, such as Beetle’s, Canadian Honker, and Apache Mall to name a few, that make reading it even more enjoyable for Rochester residents. “Drowning Tory” finds itself at the cross-section of a somewhat disturbing yet compelling adolescent romance and the angst familiar to teenagers of any generation but with an unexpected splash of science fiction thrown in. With relatable characters and easy readability, this book keeps the reader engaged until the very last line. “I tend to have a strong female in all my stories. The main character always has a little bit of me in her, or a little bit of how I want to be,” Barlow says. “My characters are always based on my real friends or relatives. I enhance their character, though, for the sake of the story.” “Drowning Tory” is available for sale on Kindle or Nook or on the author’s website at sherylbarlow.com. Sarah Oslund is a freelance writer and the director of communications and public relations at UMR. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

healthy living

Taking Care of Your Aging Parents ALZHEIMER’S AND DEMENTIA BY TRISH AMUNDSON

acts and figures indicate that Alzheimer’s disease is an epidemic of huge proportion. It has a huge impact on women, who are more likely to have it and more likely to care for people with the disease. If you are trying to manage a challenging, heartbreaking condition for your aging parents, such as Alzheimer’s or dementia, area organizations offer resources for home care and assisted living solutions and they offer hope. In a poem shared on Alzheimers.net, “Advice on Caring for Alzheimer’s Patients,” author Joy Glenner expresses in a very profound way the sadness and loneliness experienced by many Alzheimer’s patients:

Dear family and friends: Please try to understand What I am now, not think of me as I was. I am alone, shut in, with my fears.… 56

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

UNDERSTANDING DEMENTIA “Dementia refers to a broad category of symptoms related to decline in mental ability,” says Jodi Keller, program manager for the Southern Regional Center Minnesota North Dakota Alzheimer’s Association, based in Rochester (alz.org/mnnd; Helpline 800-272-3900). “Common types of dementia include Alzheimer’s disease, lewy body dementia, vascular dementia and frontotemporal dementia.” • Alzheimer’s disease (the most common form of dementia): Causes problems with memory, thinking and behavior. The symptoms typically develop slowly and become worse over time, ultimately becoming severe enough to interfere with daily tasks. • Vascular dementia (the second most common form of dementia): Results in declined thinking skills caused by conditions that block or reduce blood flow to the brain, depriving brain cells of vital oxygen and nutrients. • Lewy body dementia (the third most common form of dementia): Leads to a decline in thinking, reasoning and independent function because of abnormal microscopic deposits that damage brain cells over time. • Frontotemporal dementia: Caused by progressive cell degeneration in the brain’s frontal lobes (areas behind forehead) or temporal lobes (regions behind ears). Source: alz.org/mnnd

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This article is the second part of a series about caring for aging parents. Additional articles in the series will focus on housing options and legal, estate and funeral planning considerations.

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…My frustration, my forgetfulness. Forgive me if I strike out at you. Why do I do that? What has happened to me? I cannot cope in this alien world. I feel threatened, I am frightened.… FRUSTRATED, FORGETFUL AND FRIGHTENED Warning signs of dementia disorders include short-term -memory problems, memory loss that disrupts life, challenges in problem solving, and forgetting new information. Other symptoms are difficulty completing familiar tasks, confusion with time and place, problems with words when speaking or writing, misplacing things, and losing the ability to retrace steps. In addition, withdrawal from work or social activities or changes in mood or personality can be a sign of dementia. “There are also reversible types of dementia that have a medical condition at the core, such as physical or emotional trauma, dehydration, infection, brain tumors, depression, or medical illness,” says Keller. “So if symptoms develop, don’t panic. The first step in the process is to have a good medical assessment and then go for further testing.”

…Speak softly, approach slowly. Repeat again and again what you want of me. Those twisted tangles in my brain Have messed up my world.… SOFT, SLOW APPROACH How do you approach a parent about no longer cooking, driving or living alone due to developing symptoms and safety concerns? As a family member or caregiver, your approach will be key to successfully addressing issues. The Alzheimer’s Association helps family members and caregivers become educated about the dementia process. With effective tools and education, you can gain a better understanding about how to have the conversation with your loved one. Keller suggests taking small steps in starting this important conversation and giving the individual appropriate time to think about the discussion and process the information. “For most people who experience significant symptoms, denial will kick in,” says Keller. However, with a knowledge-based approach, it is possible to set the tone for a successful and positive conversation rather than a defensive one. The Alzheimer’s Association as well as other community agencies, senior centers and community education opportunities can assist in identifying priorities based on concerns.

…Be patient, for I do love you, And I need your help and love So very, very much.… HELP AND LOVE AWAY FROM HOME “Alzheimer’s touches millions of lives and is a growing epidemic,” says Debbie Eddy, community engagement manager for the Alzheimer’s Association Minnesota-North Dakota. “The need for memory care housing and programs for our growing aging population is critical.” This fall, the need will be more closely met. “There will be something new in Alzheimer’s and memory care for seniors living in the Rochester community with the opening of River Bend Assisted Living and Memory Care,” says Laurie Archbold of Encore Public Relations, who assists in marketing the facility. “The 81,000-square-foot senior community (located just south of the River Center Plaza shopping center) will have 70 assisted-living units and 18 memory-care units,” she says. “River Bend Memory Care accommodations include private and semi-private rooms, a secured courtyard, private family room, lounge and activity areas, and community dining.” The facility will offer a Loving Connections Memory Care program for those diagnosed with dementia or related disorders. Using validation therapy, the feelings of individuals with dementia are validated, and their versions of reality are respected, allowing them to retain dignity and self-esteem. Furthermore, a life enrichment program will meet residents’ core needs, including spiritual, physical, social, emotional, intellectual and purposeful needs, based on their stages of memory loss. Family support groups will be organized as residents progress through their continuums of care. Moreover, regular visits from physicians and guest speakers will provide families with opportunities for education and coping strategies.

…Your Alzheimer’s patient. CRITICAL DECISIONS, EARLY PLANNING Your role as caregiver for your Alzheimer’s or dementia patient is an important one. Area resources can better prepare you to provide support and companionship for a parent affected by a degenerative neurological disorder. Keller suggests that you do not delay in making critical decisions related to an individual’s needs for a medical assessment and appropriate testing and early planning for the future. Legal and financial representatives can help ensure your continuous involvement with the health care team and in health care decision making. (Information about legal considerations will be covered in an upcoming article, as part of this article series.) As a caregiver, you will face special challenges. But remember, you are not alone. Trish Amundson is a Rochester-area freelance writer. She has fond childhood memories of her grandfather, Alton “Tony” Swenson, who succumbed to Alzheimer’s disease. RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

community

A Hometown Indenendence Day Celebration L

ooking for a full day of celebration this Independence Day? Whether it is your first time to Stewartville or whether you´re a regular attendee, Stewartville´s SummerFest is an event not to be missed. The SummerFest festival kicks off on Thursday, July 3, with a community street dance. Elvis impersonator Brad Boyce rocks the stage from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m., with Time Machine to follow, playing five different sets of music from 8:30 p.m. to12:30 a.m. Food vendors will be present to keep energy levels high, and a beer garden will feature new brews from the local Wenonah Brewery of Goodview, Minnesota. Independence Day is packed with events, starting at 8 a.m. in Florence Park with a five-mile run, a three-mile run at 9 a.m. and finishing off the races with a Kid’s Fun Run at 10 a.m. Art in the Park carries the day from 10 a.m. to 4 p.m. featuring arts and crafts from 50 local vendors and at-home businesses: Keep an eye out for keepsakes such as homemade quilts, jams, BBQ sauce and other farmer’s market goodies. Activities in the park are put on by members of all ages from the Stewartville community, including a petting zoo by the FFA, bingo hosted by the American Legion, henna tattoos and face painting by the Junior Auxiliary, and beanbag toss and football games by the Boy Scouts. New to the festival this year is Shakespeare in the Park, while the annual car show brings a familiar parade of classic cars to the area.

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

Catch the Pedal Tractor Pull at 1 p.m. followed by chainsaw demonstrations throughout the day. The Gaming Ride, an enclosed trailer with video games and dance music, will be provided to entertain the older kids, while at 4 p.m. the fireman will cool down the afternoon as they uncap the fire hydrants for a spectacular water fight. “Everybody comes home for the celebration,” explains Gwen Ravenhorst, Stewartville Chamber administrator. “We´re the small town that throws the huge party. Everyone really looks forward to it, and we invite all the surrounding communities to come. There is so much to do!” Other activities in the park include an inflatable bouncy house, carnival swing rides, a kiddy parade, a pet parade, and interactive science experiments for all ages. Don’t forget to bring your dancing shoes, as live music will be provided by the Root River Crawdaddies from 11 a.m. to 2 p.m.

Even in rough weather, the parade is always well attended, the crowd can be four to eight people deep throughout the route. Stewartville’s parade starts on Main Street and runs through several neighborhoods, creating a festive yet intimate atmosphere throughout the town. Friends and families gather for tailgate picnics in their front yards, cheering on the parade as it passes. After the parade is a short break, perfect for situating blankets and lawn chairs and settling in before the firework show. The fireworks are known for being one of the best displays in the area, with food and beer vendors in both parks. “It is truly a great day to celebrate both our country and our community,” says Schimmel. “We´re looking forward to another great turnout, and we invite the surrounding region to enjoy the taste and spirit of Stewartville. We welcome all.”

EVENING IN THE PARK

Stewartville also looks forward to Pets in the Park on August 9, a new event for the city. There will be pet walks, vendors, a pet show and a talent show for the pets and their owners. This year the city plans another first as it combines the Lions’ Fall Harvest with Oktoberfest on September 20, 2014. More information can be found at stewartvillechamber.com.

“Lake Florence Park historically presented a hub of activity for the community,” says Bill Schimmel, Stewartville City administrator. “And we carry that on today. The mill and dam provided a gathering point, which essentially became the base for the SummerFest activities we hold today.” In recent years Stewartville has expanded activities between Lake Florence Park and Bear Cave Park, and has built a connecting trail between the two parks. The highlight of SummerFest is the parade, from 6 p.m. to 8 p.m.

OTHER UPCOMING EVENTS

Amanda Wingren is a freelance writer in the Rochester area.

Photos courtesy of Stewartville Chamber of Commerce.

SUMMERFEST IN STEWARTVILLE BY AMANDA WINGREN

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healthy living

Melanoma Incidence on the Rise in Olmsted County TAKE PRECAUTIONS TO MINIMIZE MELANOMA RISKS BY JENNIFER GANGLOFF

esidents in the Rochester area don’t seem to be getting the message that excess sun exposure can be harmful. The incidence of melanoma has been on the rise in Olmsted County over the last four decades, with a 24-fold increase in women and a 4.5-fold increase in men, according to Mayo Clinic research. The good news is deaths from melanoma are decreasing. “A lot of people have not changed their habits because they like appearing tan and because they still believe there’s a cultural pressure that tanned skin is better,” notes Mayo Clinic dermatologist Dawn Marie R. Davis, M.D., who treats both children and adults. She says the incidence of melanoma is rising most in women ages 15 to 29. While the exact cause of melanoma, the most serious type of skin cancer, isn’t yet clear, it’s thought that exposure to ultraviolet (UV) radiation increases the risk, including excess sun exposure and use of tanning lamps and beds. Melanoma is now being associated with use of nail salons, where UV lamps are sometimes used to seal nail polish. “While more studies are needed and the overall risk is probably low, some reports suggest that people who use nail salons frequently may be more likely to develop all types of skin cancers, including melanoma, often on their feet and hands,” Dr. Davis says.

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A HARD HABIT TO BREAK Despite the risks, it can be hard to break the tanning cycle, Dr. Davis says. In fact, use of tanning beds is associated with addictive behavior. Exposure to UV light from tanning beds can cause the brain to secrete endorphins, known as the feel-good hormones because they elevate mood. Tanning bed users are often young adults who are predisposed to addictive behaviors anyway, so they’re more

likely to be drawn to the emotional boost tanning provides. Stopping the tanning habit can actually leave people feeling more depressed and more sensitive to pain, says Dr. Davis. Margaret North, M.D., a dermatologist at Olmsted Medical Center, says one of her biggest frustrations is seeing patients with melanoma come back for follow-up care with visible tan lines from sunbathing or tanning bed use. “This is despite all of our warnings that there is no such thing as a safe tan,” Dr. North says. “Many patients find the cost of sunscreen to be high. Others don’t intend to be outside for long and then spend more time than planned and end up with a sunburn. Many do not apply enough sunscreen. Others apply sunscreen once and think that’s adequate when it should be applied every two hours whenever sun-exposed.”

WHO’S AT RISK Many people are probably familiar with who’s most at risk of melanoma: those with red or blond hair, fair skin, and lighter eye colors, such as blue, green or hazel. Other risk factors include having a history of repeated exposure to intense sunlight, having numerous moles, use of tanning beds, especially before age 35, and a family history of melanoma. But it’s not just women at risk. Mayo Clinic research shows that men in Olmsted County tended to have thicker melanomas with poorer outcomes than did women. Men are more likely to experience sunburns and have outdoor occupations and yet less likely to use sunscreen, less likely to conduct skin self-exams and less likely to use melanoma screening programs.

“The risks are cumulative,” Dr. Davis says. “But it’s never too late to start using sunscreen or take other precautions.”

PROTECTING AGAINST SKIN CANCER With the melanoma incidence on the rise in Olmsted County, it’s important for everyone, regardless of age, race or sex, to take precautions against skin cancer. Some steps you can take: Use a sunscreen with an SPF of at least 15 when you’re going about normal daily routines with casual light exposure. When you have deliberate sun exposure, such as going to the beach or working an outdoor construction or landscaping job, use an SPF of at least 30 to 50. Avoid tanning beds and tanning lamps. Conduct regular skin self-exams. A partner, friend or family member may need to help out. If you’re middle-age, have regular screenings from your doctor, as recommended. If you use a nail salon, avoid UV lamps or dryers, apply sunscreen to fingers and toes or wear gloves with the fingertips cut off. Consult your doctor right away if you notice any changes to your skin, your eyes, your nail beds or any changes to moles or skin growths. Resources • American Academy of Dermatology: aad.org • Skin Cancer Foundation: skincancer.org Jennifer Gangloff is a freelance writer and editor in Rochester.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

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community

LADIES’ PINK POKER NIGHT BY SARAH OSLUND

ou’ve seen the tournaments on TV and watched in awe as a handful of brave women clad in sunglasses and expressionless faces ante up to play the quintessential “man’s game.” You guessed it… poker. But get ready to go all in, ladies, because on July 31, the game is for the girls.

ONE OF A KIND It was the spring of 1992 when 37-year-old Charlene “Char” Gerads, wife and mother of three young boys, discovered she had stage three breast cancer. While medical appointments and treatments were inevitable, Char, a planner and a doer by all accounts, continued to celebrate every day of her life. “To know her was an experience in learning how to be positive and embrace life,” says Char’s long-time friend and Ladies’ Pink Poker Night’s chair “lady” Lisa Viker. “Despite her diagnosis, Char overlooked the challenges and moved on to the privilege of living.” While ladies’ nights were something Char had been coordinating for years, she hosted the first Ladies’ Pink Poker Night on March 19, 2005. After a primer on poker basics, the games began. Drinks flowed, food was served, cards were played and bellies ached from laughter. The night was a raving success. Char had purchased a special pink journal for that night. The first entry reads: “March 19, 2005: First Pink Poker Night at Charlene’s house and Charlene was the winner! ‘Secret to winning–stay when you can and fold when you should.’ –Charlene Gerads.” That very journal is signed by the attendees at Ladies’ Pink Poker Night each and every year.

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ANTE UP Char’s friends and family have stayed true to her dream to gather together friends, new and old, and help more women to become comfortable with a friendly game of poker with Ladies’ Pink Poker Night. The sixth annual event will take place on Thursday, July 31, 2014 at the Rochester International Event Center. Organizers will welcome nearly 200 players to the tables for this year’s event. Survivors, community members, and businesses help to make the evening a success by donating time, talent, goods and services. Since 2009, Ladies’ Pink Poker Night has raised almost $50,000 for the Eagles Cancer Telethon and Seasons Hospice.

Interested in helping to support Ladies’ Pink Poker Night? Visit the website ladiespinkpoker.com for sponsorship information and volunteer opportunities. And while men aren’t allowed to play poker at the event, they can volunteer to be “Men in Pink” and help teach new players the basics of the game or serve the ladies drinks and appetizers throughout the night.

GO ALL IN New to poker? Arrive early to take some lessons, and then try your hand in the beginner’s tournament. Seasoned player? Take a run at the experienced category. Nervous about playing with ladies you don’t know? Find seven girlfriends, load up on pink boas, silver tiaras, cowboy hats or whatever you fancy, and register to play at a table together. Don’t be intimidated if you don’t feel like you’re the poker playing kind. The event organizers are not only surprised by the faces that return to play each year but also by how many new and diverse players participate. “Every year, I’m amazed at the variety of women who participate,” says DeAnna Larrabee, friend of Char and Poker Night committee member. “They’re young, they’re old. Some are survivors of cancer. Hopefully this year we see some community leaders as well.” What’s better than playing some friendly hands of poker, winning great raffle prizes and raising money for the Rochester Area Eagles Cancer Telethon and Seasons Hospice? Walking away with great memories of friends, new and old. Register in advance by visiting ladiespinkpoker.com or arrive between 4:30 p.m. and 6:30 p.m. on the day of the event to sign up on-site. Cards are dealt at 6:30 p.m. And if you didn’t quite get the knack of when to hold ‘em and when to fold ‘em, don’t worry. There is entertainment all evening long. Sarah Oslund is a free lance writer and the director of communications and public relations at UMR.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

Community

Rochester Pridefest A WEEKEND TO CELEBRATE

ochester celebrates its 17th annual GLBTA Pridefest from Thursday, July 17, to Sunday, July 20. The weekend is packed with festivities throughout the downtown area, with an open invitation to all members of the community. “It’s going to be an exciting year,” says Bill Broring, Gay Lesbian Community Services Board chairperson. “Just look at what we’ve accomplished in the last year or two. The fact that legislation has changed and same-sex marriage is now in effect lends special significance to families in the festival this year.” The festival celebrations kick off Thursday night at the Wicked Moose Bar and Grill with Pridefest Happy Hour, drink specials start at 5p.m. Friday night opens with the Pridefest Block Party, featuring a medley of live music throughout the night: the Root River Jam Band takes the stage at 5p.m., followed by the American Tribal Style Belly Dancers at 6p.m. The music continues with Trevor Marty at 6:30p.m., The Sky Isn’t Blue to follow at 7p.m., and to wrap up the night, Amie and Carl Music at 8p.m. During the block party, Friend of the Family rewards will be given out to straight allies in the community that deserve recognition. Over the weekend, the Rochester Arts Center will sponsor the second annual Gay Pride Film Festival, location to be announced. Saturday night at the Wicked Moose, The Rochester Girls, Inc. present Dragagonza, the anticipated Pridefest drag show. Doors open at 6:30p.m., show starts at 8p.m. Tickets are $10 at the door and all 66

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

BY AMANDA WINGREN

proceeds will go to Camp Benedict. DJ Keez and Bruce Prime will provide the music for the evening, with dancing to follow the show. “Pridefest is about support for the community and to educate our allies in the community, as well as to celebrate our history with arts and culture,” says Vangie Castro, Rochester Pridefest Committee co-chair. “Over the years Pridefest has grown, and it’s special to see people come together for a common cause, everyone that has worked together has been committed to making it happen and making it work.”

BLESSING OF THE COUPLES “We encourage people to come out,” invites Broring. “We encourage families to come out. This is a celebration of family and it’s a community event. Pridefest commemorates the acceptance of self, and it’s really about being proud of who you are and loving yourself.” Peace United Church of Christ will hold Pride Church Service on Sunday morning for the LGBT community, with an invitation for all members of the community to join. On Sunday afternoon the Pridefest Main Event kicks off in the Peace Plaza, with local craft vendors, non-profit agencies, and food vendors filling the plaza. There will be entertainment throughout the day, with Chastity Brown headlining the show. The traditional Blessing of the Couples will be led by Reverend Laurene LaFontaine of Community Presbyterian Church at 1:30p.m. in the Peace Plaza. “The blessing of

the couples is always a touching moment,” says Broring. “And this year will be significant in that it will be the first time that married couples will be able to be blessed. It’s going to be exciting, definitely worth celebrating.” All proceeds from the Pridefest weekend will go to Pridefest and GLCSto support future events within the community as well as education efforts throughout Olmsted County. “People are much more supportive here than Rochester gets credit for,” explains Castro. “We have been able to have a lot more conversation and more people have felt safe to be able to come out in their workplace environments. At some point we won’t have to work so hard to get equality and justice. This is a celebration with greater southeastern Minnesota, and we invite all members of the community to come celebrate with us.” Pridefest buttons available from Press Coffee, the Diversity Council and GLCS. Get $2 off the door price at Dragagonza with your Pridefest button. All other events are free. Amanda Wingren is a freelance writer living in the Rochester area.

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RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

Calendar Events Check out our Community Calendar online for additional listings at RWmagazine.com Deadline for submitting events for Rochester Women September/October 2014 issue is August 1, 2014. Complete form at rwmagazine.com/index.php/submit/submit-event. Events in purple are sponsored by Rochester Women magazine. *(507 area code unless stated)

JULY JULY 4 Rock and Rockets on Fourth of July, Mystic Lake Hotel and Casino, 5- 11 pm, don’t miss the huge fireworks display, food trucks, live music, beer garden and more! Free family friendly event meant for all ages, for more information visit mysticlake.com/rockandrockets

JULY 9- 13 156th Annual Winona County Fair, free admission, winonacountyfair.com

JULY 9 New Music Wednesdays, Rochester Civic Theatre, 5:30 pm, free live music concert on the Civic Theatre Patio, 282- 8481, for list of artists visit rochestercivictheatre.org

JULY 11 Free Fridays Concert, Rochester Civic Theatre, 5:30 pm, free live music concert on the Civic Theatre Patio, 282-8481, for list of artists visit rochestercivictheatre.org

JULY 13 “Down by the Riverside” Concert Series begins with “Felix Cavaliere’s Rascals”, Mayo Park, 7:00 pm, kicking off the free concert series this year is the beloved Rock & Roll Hall of Famer Cavaliere recreating contemporary classics for everyone to enjoy, concerts every Sunday through August 24th, sponsored by Think Mutual Bank, 328-2200, riversideconcerts.com

JULY 14 Bear Creek Golf Classic, Rochester Golf and Country Club, 12 pm, each player will enjoy 18 holes of golf with a cart, dinner at the banquet, 2 free drink tickets while on the course, and lots of free games to win cool prizes, $175 fee/ player, contact Brian at 288 – 7195, bearcreekservices.org

JULY 14- 20 36th Annual Eyota Days Celebration, take part in activity filled days Tuesday through Sunday, 545-2331, for more details visit eyota.govoffice.com

JULY 15 & 16 Open Auditions: Rent, Rochester Civic Theatre, 7 pm, for more information visit rochestercivictheatre.org

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

JULY 16 Civic live: American Showcase- Summer Jewel, Rochester Civic Theatre, 7:30 pm, live music event featuring Martin Zellar, Miles Nielson, Matthew Ryan, and Brandon Sampson, tickets on sale now, 282-8481, rochestercivictheatre.org

JULY 17- 20 Annual Pridefest “Out Loud, Out Proud”, Gay Lesbian Community Services, enjoy festivals including live music and vendor markets, glcsmn.org

JULY 17 Rochester Garden and Flower Club Annual Tour, RCTC Heintz Center S.M.A.R.T. Gardens, 3:30-7 pm, private gardens open from 4 pm to dusk, tickets $10, 18 & under attend for free, Door Prizes, Demonstrations, Ice Cream Social, Music, 421-0573, rgfc.org

JULY 18 Relay for Life of Olmsted County, University Center Rochester, 6:30 pm, this movement features community and campus events that offer an inspiring opportunity to honor cancer survivors, promote how individuals can reduce their cancer risk, and raise money to help end cancer, 424-4604, relay.acsevents.org

JULY 18 RT Autism Awareness 12th Annual Golf Benefit, Willow Creek Golf Course, 8:30 am- 6 pm, dinner, reception, register, 254-8901, rtautismawareness.org

JULY 19 Stockholm Art Fair & Whitewater Winery Trolley Tour, Rochester Trolley Tour Company, 9 am – 5:30 pm, $39 includes wine-tastings and trolley tour. Advanced reservations required 421-0573 or RochesterMNTours.com. See ad on page 44.

JULY 21- 27 Olmsted Free Fair, 1403 Third Ave SE, free gate admission, olmstedcountyfair.com

JULY 23 Tour with the Masters, Heintz Center, Rochester Community and Technical College, 4- 8:30 pm, tour six private gardens ranging from city lots to spacious overlooks of the Zumbro River, learn from Master Gardeners and educational displays of gardens, $5 admission fee, 289-5662, co.olmsted.mn.us/extension

JULY 25 36th Annual Swing Your “Birdie” Golf Classic, Willow Creek Golf Course, 11 am registration & lunch, noon shot gun start, 5 pm social hour & silent auction, this best-shot tournament is an opportunity for you to help the children and families staying at the Ronald McDonald House! 252.2195, rmhmn.org

JULY 26

AUGUST 9

Wabasha Riverboat Days 5K & 10K Race and Fitness Walk, Saint Elizabeth’s Medical Center, 8- 11 am, medals awarded to the top two runners in each age division, participant ribbons awarded to all youth, 6:30 am same day registration or pre-register by July 23rd, for more information call 651-565-5596 or visit ministryhealth.org/events

Gus Macker 3-on-3 basketball tournament, youth or adult 4 person teams, enter at macker.com, entry fee of $136 must be received by July 21, proceeds benefit the Rochester Area Family Y, 287-2260, RochFamY.org

JULY 27 14th Annual The “Cruise”- A Motorcycle Benefit Ride for the Ronald McDonald House, Rochester Community and Technical College, 8:30 am registration, 4 pm destination ride to Treasure Island Casino, 4:30 pm live auction, 5:30 police-escorted procession to Ronald House for reception, 282-3955, visit rmhmn.org

JULY 28 10th Annual Celebrity Mulligan Golf Classic, Somerby Golf Course, Byron, 9:30 am registration, 11 am shotgun start, $200 individual golfer price includes golf, cart, breakfast, dinner and prizes, 287-2032, arcse-mn.org

JULY 30 Jazz Jam on the Patio, Rochester Civic Theatre, 5:30 pm, enjoy an evening of live jazz & open mic on the Civic Theatre Patio, Feat. The D’Sievers, free admission, 282-8481, rochestercivictheatre.org

AUGUST

AUGUST 13-17 Plainview Corn on the Cob Days, music, parade, vendors, and free corn! corncobdays.com

AUGUST 15, 16 & 17 Downtown Oronoco Gold Rush Days, Oronoco, free premiere antique show and flea market event along the banks of the Zumbro River, 367-2111, goldrushmn.com

AUGUST 16-24 Gladiolus Days, St. Charles, stcharlesmn.org

AUGUST 22-24 Annual Greek Festival, Greek Orthodox Church, times vary, celebrating Greek heritage, authentic Greek foods, live music, ethnic Greek dancers, bake sale, children’s carnival, silent auction (Saturday and Sunday), and church tours, free admission, 282-1529, exploreminnesota.com/events

AUGUST 28

AUGUST 1-9

Women & Wine Wine Tasting, Sontes, $20 includes wine tasting, tapas and cupcakes. Reservations required, luannb.com/upcoming-events, 951-1468

Wit’s End Theatre presents “Legally Blonde: The Musical”, Potter’s Auditorium-Chatfield Center for the Arts, times vary, buy tickets online, 867-8780, WitsEndTheatre.org

Pick up RochesterWomen September/October 2014 issue beginning August 29, 2014!

AUGUST 2 3rd Annual Little Miracles 5K and Family Fest, Silver Lake Park Westside Pavilion, 7:30 am registration, chip-timed certified 5K run, 5K walk, family fest, and lunch provided by Famous Dave’s, 272-8991, ourmiraclebabies.com

AUGUST 7 Stroll for Epilepsy, RCTC Sports Center, 5 p.m. checkin, 6:30 p.m. stroll, 287-2103.

AUGUST 9 HOPE Ranch Rendezvous, 9:30 am – 4:30 pm, food, game and activities including pony rides, www.hoperanchteam.com.

AUGUST 4-15 Children’s Dance Theatre Summer Dance Intensive 2014, J.E.T.S. Dance Studio, workshops with guest professionals from Minnesota Ballet, Dancers from all studios invited! Enrollment limited! 281-3335, childrensdancestudio.org

AUGUST 4-10 Kasson Festival in the Park, Veteran’s Memorial Park, 8 pm, food, activities, and shopping vendors, 951-8700, kassonfestivalinthedark.com

AUGUST 29

SEPTEMBER SEPTEMBER 4 Chili Challenge benefitting Boys and Girls Club of Rochester, Peace Plaza Downtown Rochester, 4-8 p.m., bgcchilichallenge.org

SEPTEMBER 6 ALS Walk, Soldier’s Field Park, 8:30 am check-in, 10 am walk, 612-672-0484, alsmn.org

SEPTEMBER 7 Saint Croix Vineyards Grape Stomp Festival Trolley Tour, Rochester Trolley and Tour Company, 9 a.m. - 6 p.m., $69 per person, includes wine-tasting and trolley tour. Advanced reservations required 421-0573 or RochesterMNTours.com. See ad on page 44.

SEPTEMBER 13-15 10th Annual Great Dakota Gathering, Unity Park, Winona, times vary, winonadakotaunityalliance.org

SEPTEMBER 20 Recovery Is Happening Recovery Walk, RCTC Field House, 8 a.m. check-in, 9 a.m. run/walk, 10:30 a.m. rally for recovery, 507-269-0470, recoveryishappening.org.

RWmagazine.com July/August 2014

I Didn’t Say It… I Swear! WHERE DO KIDS LEARN THIS STUFF?

Photo Courtesy of Amanda Ruggeri.

on the lighter side

BY AMANDA RUGGERI

s we mature we learn to navigate the taboos of language. We learn to read social cues on how and when to use (or not use) certain words, often learning the hard way....like finding out your teacher doesn’t appreciate hearing the graphic details of your trip to the restroom even though all the boys thought the same story was hilarious. I get to watch kids learn these lessons every day. And try not to laugh out loud. A lover of language, I appreciate the effort made to substitute a questionable word with a more creative and usually more descriptive alternative. Using any word repeatedly in conversation sends a message of laziness and also takes the power away from those strong curse words. There is a reason they exist. They are forceful and fiery. They demand attention when used sparingly but can easily be rendered ineffective with overuse. I love nothing more than the use of imaginative vocabulary in conversation, but there are some times that “fiddlesticks” just ain’t gonna cut it!

THE FIRST TIME Far from a prude, I, like most parents, try to refrain from colorful language when kids are within earshot but apparently have not always been successful. The first instance I was made aware of this was when my first child was 2 years old. An innocent little girl who had not yet had much exposure to other

July/August 2014 RWmagazine.com

kids (and thus, their potty mouths) let fly an expletive in the car one night. We were driving to a friend’s place for dinner and were to pick up the pizzas on the way. I missed my turn for the pizza place and when I realized it, I pulled over in a huff, obviously irritated. My sweet angel in her car seat piped up from the back, “Oh $#*&!” I hadn’t even said anything! Apparently this little cherub knew exactly when I would use that type of language. I had no one to blame but myself. I was shocked but also (quietly) amused. It was a monumental effort to stifle my giggles and ignore what she said. I hoped that not making a big deal of it would discourage her from saying it again, although this was new territory for me as a parent. So many questions flooded my mind. Do I address this with her? Do I tell her it’s not appropriate? Why is it okay for mommy to say this sometimes but not her? If I ignore it, am I passively giving her permission to use that word again in the future? My naïve mother’s mind had no idea what the future held.

REALLY? Fast forward 10 years. I now have three children at home and work with kindergarteners: I spend the majority of my time with kids (and hear burp, fart, butt, etc. on a constant rotation). Observing them navigating the taboos of language is frustrating and hilarious all at the same time.

Everyday offers up a new quotable gem. Remaining calm is the absolute most difficult thing about it all. I repeat my internal mantra, “I am the grown-up. I am the grown-up. The most mature person in the room.” Yeah, right. Just a few weeks ago I was complimenting a student on her wonderfully polite manners. The tiny, fast-talking little doll responded with, “Oh yes, when I say bad words, I just say sorry. When I say ‘What the h#$%,” I just say sorry.” Priceless. When I asked the kids how lunch was, one told me that his corndogs “kicked butt.” Classic. Of course there’s the constant potty language, of which my recent favorite is, “He kicked me in the peanuts!” We get a lot of tattling, “So-and-so said the B-word; the S-word; the J-word.” The J-word? Still not sure what that one is, although I have a few ideas. After many discussions with kids about how we should and shouldn’t talk at school, I was rewarded with this conversation I overheard the other day: Little girl says, “You just put the hose in the car’s gashole.” Little boy responds, “You shouldn’t talk about that. It’s immapropriate.” Amanda Ruggeri is a kid at heart who loves nothing more than indulging her passions in the arts. Writing, dancing, performing (and playing dress-up!), make her world go around.

HIGHLANDS AT HUNDRED ACRE WOODS