RETHINKING GENDER

GENDER Rethinking

THINKING OUTSIDE OF THE BINARY FOR OUR DEFINITION OF WOMEN

BY TL JORDAN, MSC (THEY/THEM)

WORKING AS A BARISTA MEANS THAT I AM CONSTANTLY INTERACTING WITH PEOPLE, WHETHER THAT IS TAKING COFFEE ORDERS, RECOMMENDING MY FAVORITE SPOTS AROUND TOWN OR LISTENING TO CUSTOMERS TALK ABOUT THEIR DAYS. That also means that I spend a lot of time correcting my pronouns (I use “they/them” and am often assumed to use “she/her”) and explaining that I do not go by “Miss” because I am not a woman, but nonbinary. Over the past few years you may have noticed people putting pronouns in their email signatures, or perhaps you have had a family member or co-worker come out as transgender. The concept of gender is being talked about, and it’s important that we take time to learn what “gender” means, not only to better understand ourselves, but to understand the people we interact with.

CRASH COURSE IN GENDER IDENTITY Gender is a societally formed concept of how an individual sees themselves. This could be explained as a color wheel, where some people are red, some are blue and some like to try out different colors

to express their gender. Most people are familiar with the male/female binary, but there are also nonbinary identities (a gender outside the male/female binary), and some people who don’t identify with a gender at all.

THREE CONSIDERATIONS Gender is different than sex assigned at birth, which is what the doctor proclaims after looking at our genitals. Gender is an identity that we hold, and gender expression is the physical representation of that gender, like our clothing, our hair, how we do everyday tasks and the way we interact with the world. Altogether, our sex assigned at birth, our gender and our gender expression do not have to match and are not binary. Instead they express themselves on a spectrum. They are separate ways that we look to categorize ourselves and give ourselves context within society.

Another way that we express our gender is through the use of pronouns—words that replace proper nouns. Some pronouns (like “he” or “she”) are inherently gendered, whereas other pronouns (like “they”) can be gender neutral. In the same way that gender expression doesn’t have to match gender, pronouns do not have to match. You may see someone on the street dressed in a way that makes you think they might use “she/ her” pronouns, but that assumption may be wrong. That is why it’s important to ask for pronouns, rather than assume based on how someone looks. Just as a name is important, a pronoun helps a person feel harmony with their identity.

WHAT DOES GENDER MEAN TO YOU? People who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth may not think about gender as much as someone who is transgender, but gender is something that everyone does. While you may identify as a woman, the way that you express your gender or identify with your gender may change over time. Your red on the color wheel might become more pink over time, or maybe switch between an orange-red and purple-red. What it means to be a woman is different for everyone because women experience and express their gender differently.

That is why it’s important to make sure that we have all types of women being represented, not only in the media that we see visually, but within the stories and articles that we read. In the same way that we want to be inclusive of race, let’s aim to raise the voices of nonbinary people. While you may have one way of being a woman, another person’s definition of a woman may be completely different. That is the beauty of gender.

We don’t define a person as a woman by the fact that they wear dresses, heels and other things classified as feminine. Even the most feminine people often enjoy having a day where they can wear sweatpants and

a sports jersey—that doesn’t make them less of a woman. In the same way, there might be a woman who uses “he” or “they” pronouns, and that doesn’t make them less of a woman. Our gender identity is tied to many of the things we do and how we move through life. But that doesn’t mean we have to make it one-size-fits-all.

GENDER TO UNDERSTAND OTHERS If you have never heard or understood the term “transgender” before, or if you are unfamiliar with the pronouns “they/them,” I would encourage you to look further. Odds are, you are going to meet people who use these terms and will appreciate your understanding. The kindness that we give to other people by learning about things that are outside of our experience goes a long way, and all it takes is a moment to read an article or ask someone what their pronouns are before you make assumptions. Rather than remain in the dark on how other people experience their lives, let’s grow and celebrate with them.

It's time to honor every person who identifies as a woman and to lift each other up so everyone can be heard and given their fullest opportunities. Women are women, no matter their age, race, sexuality, genitalia, size, religion or differences. Women are women because they say they are and identify with being women. ◆

DEFINITIONS:

BINARY: Relating to, composed of or involving two things.

NONBINARY: A spectrum of genders or gender expressions that are not exclusively masculine or feminine.

CISGENDER: People whose gender align with their sex assigned at birth.

TRANSGENDER: People whose gender does not match the sex assigned at birth.

Finance & Commerce and Minnesota Lawyer recognized Mary Hansen, CEO, as a MN ICON recipient.

The Minnesota ICON award is given to leaders who have made a long-term and extraordinary commitment to leadership within their organization as well as their community. Under Mary’s guided expertise MEFCU has experienced outstanding financial performance and immense growth.

Mary serves on the Brighter Tomorrows, Inc. Board, the MN Credit Union Foundation Board, and as Vice Chair for the MN Credit Union Network Board.

Congratulations Mary!

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Prom TRADITION AND CHANGES FROM THEN TIL NOW BY ALISON RENTSCHLER

IT’S BEGINNING TO LOOK A BIT LIKE SPRING, AND IN HIGH SCHOOLS AROUND THE COUNTRY, THAT MEANS IT’S ALMOST PROM TIME! This means that many attendees are starting to find outfits and make plans for prom night.

Proms are pretty well known in the United States—from when they began in universities around the late 1800s to classic prom scenes in movies of the 1940s (“It’s a Wonderful Life”) to the 1980s (“Back to the Future,” “Footloose,” “Pretty in Pink”) and beyond. Each generation sees a new or revived set of trends and traditions, and that’s also true in 2020.

PROM BACK IN MY DAY From what I remember, back in the 1990s, girls generally got asked out to prom by their dates. Couples usually went to prom together, sometimes in groups. Girls bought nice dresses, went out to dinner and the dance with their dates and sometimes attended after parties. Many girls would go to a stylist to have their hair done before prom.

In 1996, I didn’t have a prom date, which was a little disappointing, but my friends

and I decided to have an "un-prom"—a girls’ night out complete with getting ready together, wearing nice dresses and eating at a nice restaurant. My friend’s brother and his friend drove us to the restaurant and served us sparkling juice on the way there. Later, we enjoyed ballroom and swing dancing at a friend’s house, and my friend’s brother took turns dancing with each of us. “That was as much fun, if not more fun, than the real prom,” reminisces my friend Shannon Richardson.

PROM IN RECENT YEARS My exchange student Marysia Napieralczyk looked forward to the prom from early in the school year in the fall of 2018. She attended the prom with friends in the spring of 2019. “It’s definitely more popular to go with friends now,” she explains. “Girls get ready together from the morning of prom, and we take photos before with all the girls. People always go for after parties or sleepovers with friends.”

She says girls mostly buy dresses in stores, but she borrowed one from a friend. She says, “Many girls still get their hair and makeup professionally done, but a lot get

Photo courtesy of Mestads Bridal and Formal Wear.

them done by a friend. They also get their nails done. Everything has to be perfect.”

DRESSES THROUGH THE YEARS Prom has changed over the years, and dress styles have changed over time too. As Holly Mestad of Mestad’s Bridal and Formal Wear says, “Prom gowns have changed styles many times over the years, with several popular styles making a comeback at some point, and other styles never going away. Neon-colored prom gowns, which were big during the late 80s, made a resurgence several years ago, while the ballgown silhouette has always been a classic.” Although dress styles have changed over time, some moms have gone on to buy prom dresses with their daughters at the very store where they bought their own prom dresses. Mestad notes, “Mestad’s has been fortunate enough to be in business for 40 years, so we have had many moms who’ve bought their prom gowns or wedding gowns from us and then bring their daughters back to find the one of their dreams for prom.”

FINDING THE RIGHT PROM DRESS Mestad says, “We always want to help our customers find exactly what the vision in their mind is for prom.” She explains they do this by asking questions about the color and silhouette the girl is looking for. Mestad also notes that shopping for dresses has changed over time. “Online shopping has changed the way girls shop. Girls have the opportunity to look at gowns and see different colors, silhouettes and styles before they even come into the store.”

Girls can also find dresses on websites and sales sites, such as Poshmark or Facebook dress sale groups and pages. Or they can borrow a dress or rent dresses from Rent the Runway.

Shelly Halfman owns Prom ReSale, a store where she sells used prom and gala dresses at a discount. At the store, girls who sell their dresses can receive part of the profits. “Its purpose is to help girls recover money spent and let other girls enjoy the dresses,” she says. “It’s a win-win for seller and buyer.” She notes that girls who sell their dresses get 80% of the profit from their dresses. She explains the dresses she sells are priced $150 to $250 on average. “It’s super fun. I’m forever going to be the prom mom. You get to help these girls find a dress.”

Dr. Robyn R. Loewen & Dr. Kala L. Hinz Specialists in Pediatric Dentistry Members: American Academy of Pediatric Dentistry American Dental Association

SOME THINGS NEVER CHANGE While prom has changed over the years, one thing hasn’t changed: Prom is a great opportunity to have fun with friends. And the planning is fun too—finding the right dress and deciding on plans with friends. So, for girls that are going to prom this year, enjoy the time spent planning and preparing and enjoying your time with friends at prom. ◆

PROM SHOPPING OPTIONS

IN PERSON: Prom ReSale, 319 S Broadway Mestad’s Bridal and Formal Wear, 1171 6th St. NW David’s Bridal, 1340 Salem Rd. SW, Suite #101 The Prom Shop, 517 Frontage Rd. NW, Byron Refashion, 1218 7th St. NW Clothes Mentor, 3851 Marketplace Dr. NW Goodwill, 1987 Scott Rd. NW or 239 28th St. SE Savers, 1201 S Broadway, Suite B Kismet Consignment Fashion & Décor, 601 N Broadway Ave.

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ONLINE: Poshmark, poshmark.com Facebook Marketplace and dress sale groups and pages Rent the Runway, renttherunway.com Beautiful Butterfly Project Prom, Facebook @Beautiful-Butterfly-Project-Prom Project Fairy Godmothers,Facebook @projectfairygodmothers

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