ROCK CANDY MAGAZINE #04

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FEELIN’ FESTIVE? If you’re feeling more jaded than jingle bells, we’ve got just the thing to get you in the mood for fun and games in this season that’s supposed to be jolly. At long last Perth Arena is up and running and hats off to the powers-that-be who’ve landed a line up that would turn our friends over East green with envy. Angry pop bird and our cover girl Pink will be landing in Perth in June but before then we’ve got JLo, Nicki Minaj, The Script and Weezer doing their thang on stage. We ran one of our most successful competitions yet via Facebook over the past few months, extolling our fans to ‘Show Us Your Tatts’. And show us they did. Read up on the lucky winner, Nathan, who scooped a $500 voucher from Reilly Tattoos for his trouble. We’ve got the usual collection of gadgets and fashion, gift ideas and giveaways and competitions – including the chance to fly to Phuket and stay at The Boathouse on Kata Beach, while our Rising Stars collective this time rounds up the best musical talent around. If you’ve ever fancied yourself as a space cadet, we show you how you can fly to the stars with Richard Branson’s ambitious tourists in space project. As it edges ever closer, there’s a heap of celebrity passengers signed up for the gravity defying trip. Jude reviews the latest must-have BMW 3i series Luxury Line (and falls a little bit in love it must be said), while he also predicts the Isuzu D-Max is the only ute to rely on, should the zombie apocalypse be just around the corner. Meanwhile, our brand new section written by superbike expert Antonio kicks off with a review of the Tiger on everybody’s Christmas list from Triumph. Entertainment-wise, we’ve got it covered should you be after some top flicks this Christmas, including a quirky Q and A on the wild side with Stephen Curry, star of cricket movie Save Your Legs. Gill’s done us proud with her interview with none other than Quentin Tarantino (another RC exclusive I might add) and Jamie Foxx, star of the director’s highly anticipated foray into slavery/Western territory, Django Unchained. We dip our feet into the forthcoming musical festival scene, and then it’s time to kick back with our better than ever travel section. Fancy a fishing trip to end all fishing trips? Then turn to our castaway section with features on Queensland’s XXXX Island, and the Kimberley’s magnificent Eco Beach. Got some cash to flash? Then our High Roller section will give you lots of ideas about how to end up with empty pockets but great memories. We’ve visited Rotto, Smith’s Beach in Margaret River, Phuket and California in our quest to seek out the best places for a holiday money can buy. Then it’s fast forward to Paris as our ex-Perth girl, Anna, aka Cat Cholera, explains all the cut and thrust behind one of the fastest growing sports around – roller derby. We’ve got food and drink covered too with expert advice on how to choose the best Scotch this Hogmanay, the ups and downs of boat ownership, fishing in Shark Bay and the fascinating world of cavern diving in Mexico. On top of that we’ve got our regular mental health advice column from Heath Black, our newest columnist direct from cracked.com in the States, Soren Bowie, the FIFO Wife, and of course, having the last word, Heath Franklin as Chopper. And if that doesn’t all bring a smile to your face, then you really are the Grinch. Happy Holidays, one and all.

Gabi Mills STOP PRESS: We’re more than a little bit proud to announce that Rock Candy was awarded the runners up prize in the recent Excellence Awards held by Publishers Australia for Launch Magazine of the Year. Onwards and upwards…

read it online!!!

with interactive contents www.rockcandymagazine.com.au

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PUBLISHED BY CANDY MEDIA (WA) PTY LTD Perth P.O. Box 444 Northbridge WA 6865 (t) (08) 9381 1295

MANAGING DIRECTOR Cornelius Curtin conny@candymedia.com.au EDITOR Gabi Mills gabi@candymedia.com.au CREATIVE DESIGN Barbara Bertoli design@candymedia.com.au PRODUCTION MANAGER Amber Carrier amber@candymedia.com.au CONTRIBUTORS Heath Black Heath Franklin Mark Jeisman Antonio Romano Jude Jones Soren Bowie Jordan Liest Anna Hartley Lee Johnson Gill Pringle Debbie Russo ADVERTISING ENQUIRIES sales@candymedia.com.au EDITORIAL ENQUIRIES editor@candymedia.com.au GENERAL ENQUIRIES info@candymedia.com.au

Rock Candy Magazine is published in Western Australia by Candy Media (WA) Pty Ltd and distributed free of charge to resource industry workers at various locations around Western Australia. All rights reserved. No material published in Rock Candy may be reproduced in whole or part without prior written authority. Views expressed in Rock Candy are not necessarily the views of the editor or publisher. Rock Candy takes no responsibility for the accuracy of information included or submitted content. © 2012 Candy Media.

rockcandy_mag

Average Net Distribution April 12 – December 12 95.05% verified bulk distribution



contents Issue 04 - December 2012

65 - TRAVEL

COVER STORY

How to be a castaway

54 - IN THE PINK AT PERTH ARENA

72 - TRAVEL

Living like a high roller

Superstar Pink is set to thrill in Perth as the city’s newest venue finally opens

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Discover Mexico’s cenotes and caverns

Fancy an intergallactic trip to the edge of space? We’ve go the lowdown on Richard Branson’s latest venture

93 - BOATING What’s not to love about owning a boat?

43 - TECHNOLOGY Know your MTV from your IDTV? Read our definitive guide

97 - OFF THE HOOK Loving the Shark Bay shallows

54 - COVER STORY Can Pink reprise her record breaking tour of Oz in 2013? We think, on balance, yes

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103 - DRINK RC’s guide to Scotch

16 - INK

107- HEALTH

Who won our ‘Show us your tatts’ competition?

Dealing with loneliness

14 - COMPETITIONS 97

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116 - WHO’S THIS, THEN?

Get festival season ready with our guide to top togs

28 - THE WORLD ACCORDING TO SOREN How the bush can kill you in embarassing ways

Tim Turner, kitesurfer supremo

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With burn out king, Steve Sines

40 - MOTORING Beat The Walking Dead with the Isuzu D-Max

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42 - MOTORING

50 - FILM

44 - MOTORBIKES

52 - FILM

47 - FILM

58 - FESTIVALS

BMW’s 3i Luxury Line series put through its paces

Triumph’s Tiger Explorer roars into life

38 - MUSCLE CARS

Kim Hands, eco superhero

Dealing with a Christmas without hubby

22 - FIFO (FASHION IN, FASHION OUT)

RC’s rock stars on the rise

111 - LOCAL HEROES 112 - THE FIFO WIFE

Stuff your stockings with this round up of cool gear

26 - RISING STARS

101 - FOOD

Flirty food gets undies flying

REGULARS

18 - GADGETS AND STUFF

90 - DIVING

Exclusive interview with Tarantino and the stars of Django Unchained

Meet Jack Reacher’s star, WA’s Jai Courtney

Stephen Curry Q and A

Summertime music

61 - REVIEWS

120 - THE LAST WORD

Heath Franklin’s travel advice

PHOTO: Featureflash / Shutterstock.com GRAPHIC ELABORATION: Barbara Bertoli

33 - SPACE CADETS

Roll up, roll up, for roller derby

COVER PHOTO

SPECIAL FEATURES

85 - SPORT


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! competitionS !

see p.20 to win

1 x FREE STYLENSHOP ($330 Value) 5 x FREE Galvanic Spa Facials ($55 each) Both courtesy of Style and Shop (the details for these are as per the gift guide) Simply send through your details to competitions@candymedia.com.au and tell us why either you or your special somebody deserves a makeover

$100 voucher to shop til you drop at Karrinyup Shopping Centre

see p.11 to win

Tell us how much the Dickies Scripted Flat Peak Cap is and where you can pick one up, and you will go into the running to win a $100 Karrinyup Shopping centre* ‘Karrinyup Gift Card T&C’s apply’. Email your answer to competitions@candymedia.com.au

2 tickets to thailand + 4 nights accomodation

Additionally Make a Wish and Cat Haven volunteers will be taking gold donations for gift wrapping this Christmas at Karrinyup Shopping Centre between Monday December 10 and Monday December 24th. For information on timings, trading hours and all other Christmas events at Karrinyup Shopping Centre please visit the Karrinyup Facebook Page

What interest rate are you paying? Too Much

Is your bank looking after you? Probably Not

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see p.39 to win 2 copies of Muscle Car Mania

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win 10 double passess for THE IMPOSSIBLE Email to competitions@candymedia.com.au READ THE PREVIEW ON PAGE 61

win 10 double passess for SAVE YOUR LEGS Email to competitions@candymedia.com.au

2 copies of PANTS OFF SALMON to give away

see p.62 to win

READ THE REVIEW ON PAGE 53

We’ll get back to you within 24hrs.. even on the weekends.

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2 copies of UNZIPPED to give away


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Is this Perth’s most passionate employee? Adam Bastin, 21, head chef at Hippo Creek just loves his job. And don’t take our word for it – just take a look at the tatts adorning so much of his skin, much of it dedicated to the African wildlife mixed with cooking motifs. “I’ve got a crocodile being served by a waiter, a chef’s hat and knives emblem and some fruit and vegetables on one sleeve,” says Adam. “On the other sleeve, I’ve got a lion killing a zebra with hyenas in the foreground and vultures flying above. I’ve got water lilies with a hippo (the restaurant’s logo) coming out of the water with African trees in the background.” Such extraordinary dedication to the inkers art hasn’t come easily for Adam, requiring him to sit patiently for 35 hours for one arm, and 50 hours for the other. “They managed to fit all the designs around my existing tattoos which were a Latin Scorpio symbol, a ying and yang band with my grandfather’s birth and death dates, and my now ex-wife’s name.” Adam hasn’t stopped at adorning his arms with art – he’s also gone to town on other areas of his body. “I’ve got the AC/DC symbol on the back of my head and neck, which leads to the words “It’s all good” across my shoulders. Below that I have three different types of chefs – a medieval one stirring a cauldron, a modern day chef with a chopping board, lobster and orange, and a skeleton chef with his hat on which was actually my first tattoo.” On his back, Adam’s got a drawing by MC Esher, a French artist, with a male and female face looking at each other, which he says is his ‘favourite’. “I’ve also got a tramp stamp – a scorpion and a Latin Scorpio symbol. On my chest I have two smaller tattoos – a panther, and an eye which one of my best friends designed before he was killed.” And still the list of ink continues. “On my left leg I have two crows from the Black Crows album cover “Shake Your Money Maker” which kind of symbolized my life at that time (lots of partying), then I have a Scorpio ankle band and on my foot I have a Geelong premiership tattoo for 2009, while on my right leg I have just put together a montage of cartoon characters with a black background, stars, circles and flowers, a Scorpio ankle band and on my foot a Geelong premiership tattoo. Adam admits that his passion for tattoos is an ‘expensive habit’, but despite working 70 hours a week, he’s showing no sign of slacking off. “I’ve got a session booked to get two snakes, one on each shoulder. Then I plan to get my left leg done, and will dedicate it to my other passion – the Cats.” His other passion – being a chef – motivates him to bigger and better things behind the pans at Hippo Creek. “As a chef there’s no greater feeling than having your customer come up to you and express their gratitude for having a plate of great food and a fun evening. “It doesn’t get better than that.” Catch Adam’s kick arse cooking (and his awesome tatts) at Hippo Creek, Hillary’s Boat Harbour, Breakfast Sunday from 8am, Lunch seven days a week, 11.30 to 3pm, dinner seven days a week, 6pm to late, call 9448 2238 for reservations.


Chuffed: Nathan (left) is a well deserved winner of the $500 voucher from Woz at Reilly Tattoos.

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ink

Show Us Your Tatts Comp the winner revealed It was one of Rock Candy’s most successful competitions to date, with loads of interest generated thanks to our cool radio and Facebook campaign. It seems our readers can’t get enough of their ink – and with the added incentive of a $500 voucher from Reilly Tattoos up for grabs, we were very happy to see our Facebook wall swamped with snaps of various artwork on arms, legs, necks and torsos. But, as they say, there can only be one winner – and (drum roll) it’s Nathan Mayes. Nathan, who flys off to his job on the mines via Skippers, endured 45 hours of fine needle work on his calf – the Valentino Rossi design smashing the rest of the entries out of the ball park. Judge Woz of Reilly Tattoos was impressed (and this is a bloke not known for giving praise unduly). “It’s the attention to detail in the tattoo which really won the prize for Nathan – it’s fantastic.” Well done, mate – and show us the fruits of your labour once you’ve been to Reilly Tattoos, ok?


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Gadgets & stuff

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BACKYARD THEATRE SYSTEM Stop wasting your money at overpriced movie theatres. Spend your money on this backyard theatre system instead and keep your neighbours entertained as well. This massive 16′ x 9′ theatre system is perfect for block parties and concerts. $3850.99

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www.thisiswhyimbroke.com

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SEADUCTION CABANA FLOAT LINE Stop lounging by the ocean, lounge in the ocean with this floating cabana lounger. Complete with an umbrella, canopy, a built in cooler, and a dry storage area, the floating cabana lounger is perfect for spending the day relaxing day on the water, literally. $4,500 www.seaductionfloats.com

BOTTLE OPENER SUNNIES Liquid Shades are the world’s first titaniumarmed bottle opening sunglasses. Not only are they durable enough to open thousands of beers, but they’ve also got: • Top Of The Line-Polarized Lenses • Anodized Titanium (like the iPhone 5, only better) • Scratch-Resistant Powder Coating (like a mountain bike) • Flexible Acetate Lens Frames $145.00

VIRTUAL KEYBOARD Do you, like me, find actual solid keyboards oh so 2011? Then why not snap up full-

FLOATING PING PONG TABLE

size laser keyboard. It projects onto any flat surface., and lets you type just as usual, connecting wirelessly via bluetooth to iPhone, iPad, many smartphones and most laptops Mouse mode allows you to use your finger as a mouse rather than typing when using with a laptop. Rechargeable battery lasts for 150 minutes of continuous typing Charges via USB. No drivers to install too which makes the whole thing virtually brilliant. $179.99

It’s happened to us all. We’re in the water and

www.thinkgeek.com

www.liquidshades.com

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suddenly we fancy a game of ping pong. Now there’s no need to play on dry land with this handy gadget.They even generously include three balls. $99.90 from www.amazon.com


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LASER POOL CUE Channel your inner Hustler and pot the ball every time with this laser guide billiards cue stick. The regulation size and weight cue stick features a built-in laser giving you a leg up on the aiming front, meaning you’ll strike with more accuracy for those difficult angled shots orif too many JDs have impaired your otherwise brilliant aim. $129.95 www.thisiswhyimbroke.com

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REMOTE CONTROL DRINK COOLER Don’t let crippling inebriation stop you from grabbing another beer – now you can remotely fetch yourself a cold brewski with this remote control drink cooler. With a 30ft remote range and insulated walls, this clever idea is the perfect alternative to your nearest and dearest fetching you the next cold one. $68.87 from www.thisiswhyimbroke.com

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SONOS – PLAY We love this small, sexy, tuck in a corner, and blow out the roof all-in-one Sonos player. Stream all the music on earth wirelessly in any room. $419 Sound Lab, Subiaco, www.soundlab.net.au

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SONY DEV 5 BINOCULARS If you’re a keen twitcher, or just like to stare at things from a distance, then this detail-packed HD video is for you. With superb optics and comfortable handling, these digital binoculars are packed with advanced features like 3D shooting and optical stabilisation for clearer images. $1,745 http://plazacameras.com.au/faq

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THE FERGUSON GUITAR BBQ This ain’t just any old BBQ. It’s made of solid stainless steel and features a 10mm thick plate, char grill, sausage roller and 26Mj wok burner. All very nice. Except this one is in the shape of a guitar (cue Bill and Ted-style riff). It’s a commercial grade cooking appliance so you can go all MasterChef while stroking the ‘strings’ of the hottest instrument in town. The Ferguson Guitar BBQ retails $28,500 + GST www.fergusoncorp.com.au


Win !!!

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go to page 14 and find out how to win 1 x FREE STYLENSHOP ($330 Value) 5 x FREE Galvanic Spa Facials ($55 each) $100 voucher to shop til you drop at Karrinyup Shopping Centre

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Gifts!!!

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JENAE STRUCTURED BELT TOTE Where: Colette Karrinyup Shopping Centre $49.95

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DOUBLE T-LOCK LARGE TOTE Where: Colette Karrinyup Shopping Centre $59.95

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CND SHELLAC POWER POLISH INTRO PACK SET Where: amazon.com $223.45

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PERSONAL STYLIST Shopnfriends is a fun and friendly personal style consultation, that will help the girl in your life dress and shop with confidence. Their informative two hour session will give her all the tips and tricks she needs to save time, money and stress when it comes to clothes. She will learn how to wear EVERTYTHING in her wardrobe and (maybe) never complain again about having nothing to wear. Where: Shopnfriends Personal Stylists & Personal Shoppers www.shopnfriends.com.au $330

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18 CARAT WHITE GOLD DIAMOND RING SET

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Ring the changes with this gorgeous sparkler

18 CARAT WHITE GOLD PRINCESS CUT INVISIBLE SET DIAMOND STUD EARRINGS $1,500

Where: Stefan Jewellers $13,900

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18 CARAT WHITE GOLD RING SET Make her friends green with envy with this beautiful ring Where: Stefan Jewellers

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$18,500

Where: theiconic.com.au $70.00

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$19,500 18 CARAT ROSE GOLD DIAMOND AND PINK SAPPHIRE EARRINGS

POUR MOIÂ AMOUR BASQUE

CALVIN KLEIN BEAUTY PERFUME Where: Priceline Garden City Shopping Centre $59.00

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ASSORTED PRODUCTS Where: Lush Garden City Shopping Centre from $8.50-$29.95


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Fashion In Fashion Out dress to thrill this festival season

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Flying High Shorts - $45 Candy Top Shirt - $42 ------------------------------------Prancer Shorts Green - $50 Petals Top Lilac - $40 ------------------------------------Hey Pretty skirt Tan - $50 Eye of the Tiger - $45 ------------------------------------Little Talks - $50 Cross Necklace - $30

Fun Times Playsuit - $55

5 Head Piece - $25 6 7 8

------------------------------------Eagle rock vest - $50 Bahamas Ivory top - $30 Flying High Shorts - $45 ------------------------------------Festivals Top - $30 ------------------------------------Dogtown Shorts - $50 Rockstar Tee - $50

City 9 Garden Mooloola Bella Crochet

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Shoe - $29.99 ------------------------------------Garden City Get Rowdy Prea Canvas Shoe - $29.99

showponyfashion.com.au


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15 $39.99

Billabong NU Wash Singlet – Indigo theiconic.com.au

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Beach 11 City Dickies Scripted Flat Peak Cap $39.99 Beach 12 City Oakley Holbrook Sunglasses $159.99

16 Singlet – White

Vanguard Native Voodoo $49.99 – theiconic.com.au

FoundLed Zeppelin Singlet

13 $49.95

theiconic.com.au Musica Arte Tee 14 Zanerobe $59.95 theiconic.com.au

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19 $79.95

The Academy Brand Cruizin Shorts theiconic.com.au

20 $69.95

Industrie Cuba Chino Shorts theiconic.com.au Generic Surplus - Harrington Borstal

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Volcom Twill Walkshort – Eclipse $59.99 surfstich.com.au

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Rip Curl Laze Beach Short: $49.99 surfstich.com.au

21 $76.97

theiconic.com.au - Hunter 22 Billie $39.95 theiconic.com.au


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technology story:

Mark Jeisman

T

he rise and rise of watching the shows you want, when you want to watch them is spawning a thriving strand of internet protocol TVs (IPTV). Australian TV viewers will be the winners over the next five years, when IPTV and Video on Demand (VOD) subscribers will increase to over a third of the population. As broadband speeds get faster by the year courtesy of the imminent National Broadband Network (NBN), the hunger for home entertainment content at the push of a button or click of a mouse is one of the fastest growing technologies today. It is the perfect fit in our ‘whenever I want, wherever I want’ busy lifestyles of today – where the viewer simply chooses to view movies, TV programs, sport, and much more at any time they like, and watch it on whatever device they are in front of at the time. So what are IPTV and VOD? IPTV (Internet Protocol TeleVision) is simply that – audio/video content that is delivered via your internet connection – be it cabled, Wi-Fi or mobile broadband. There are generally two types of IPTV, the programs that are ‘streamed live’ where it is much like watching a normal live TV channel while the second is Video on Demand (VOD) where the viewer is in charge of selecting a program and viewing it whenever it suits them best. There are already some excellent examples of these services in

Australia, and of course being the internet, some but not all due to regional licensing restrictions are available from overseas. Many IPTV channels are free, such as the world’s biggest VOD service – You Tube. All of the free to air TV networks in Australia now offer ‘catch up TV’, where programs can be viewed online immediately after they have hit the Digital TV airwaves. ABC’s iView is the most popular service and in fact it is second only to You Tube in Australia for watching online video content. Foxtel is most likely the most popular ‘paid or subscription’ service to offer its programs on line and has strategically teamed up with some major tech brands to bring Foxtel down the internet pipe rather than its traditional satellite or cable service. Almost preceding the TV services on offer down the web, has been on line movie downloads and this will only get faster and better in quality as broadband speeds permit. In the driving seat are the current providers amongst Telstra Big Pond, ITunes Store, Quickflix, plus the Telco’s who deliver the content (iinet etc). However it is the companies that actually ‘own’ or who aggregate movie content like Hoyts or the movie studios who themselves could become powerful players in the IPTV / VOD market by going direct to viewer. The benefits of IPTV is the vast array of content available to the consumer, the interactivity it offers with the provider and how easily accessible it is today already.

Many of us might not realise we may be able to access these services right now with equipment we already have, or possibly it may be a consideration when upgrading your home entertainment. The pitfalls? IPTV is by no means perfect just yet. The delivery of quality and reliability is as good as your internet connection itself, so there can be some bumps and humps along the way. And if you are expecting high definition, be advised that this requires a very fast, good bandwidth internet connection, combined usually with good cabling – rather than just relying on Wi-Fi, which can struggle with the appetite of streaming HD video content So how can you get IPTV or VOD? In a recent convergence of ‘content’ deals done with home entertainment equipment manufacturers and general advances in technology – almost every internet connected entertainment device has some sort of access to IPTV / VOD.

FAST FACTS

Here are some popular ways to access IPTV / VOD content: Current Digital TV / PVR set top boxes such as TiVo, Topfield or Strong can access Digital TV from the antenna but enjoy IPTV programming as well. Fetch TV is one of the increasing players in this space backed by Telco iinet and offers a best of both worlds approach to Digital TV and IPTV content. Foxtel also offers on demand


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content to its internet enabled IQ2 decoders. Many ‘gamers’ may have noticed recently their X-Box 360 or Playstation 3 all of a sudden offering IPTV services – X-Box with Foxtel, and Playstation 3 with free to air TV Catch up and PS3 Play TV function. Media servers and PC / Mac can also offer access to catch up services, movies downloads, other online VOD providers such as Vimeo, You Tube and so on. In the home the convenience offered by devices such Netgear’s NeoTV / Western Digital ‘s WD Live and Apple TV allows access to not only internet based content, but it will also play your own VOD material stored on your local computers, and in the case of the Apple TV, your iPad and iPhone’s content. Speaking of tablets and smartphones – these are almost more commonly used as TV display devices now more than traditional TV’s. With many IPTV providers offering ‘apps’ to quickly find and play content, this has unquestionably been the catalyst to the increasing use of IPTV in the last two years. Today however, one of the game changers will be the content streamed directly straight the TV itself. With new internet connected smart TV’s on our walls courtesy of brands like Samsung, LG, Panasonic and Sony – the TV is now not only a display, but a content source in itself. A recent promotional deal between Samsung and Foxtel in Australia offers their content straight up to a Samsung TV – no other boxes needed. From $499

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story:

2

1

Soren Bowie

The Five Most Humiliating Ways The Bush Can Kill You 5

3

4

L

ike any relationship between parents and their grown offspring, Mother Nature and humanity get along best when they don’t have to see each other very often. Weekend visits and the occasional longer holiday trip seem to be enough for people to appreciate the majesty of nature while still avoiding the inherent guilt of not doing enough for their mother in her old age. On the other

hand, the biggest difference between your real mother and Mother Nature is that if you overstay your welcome in the wilderness, it will murder you. Each year, due to ill-preparedness or accidents, scores of people get lost for days in the outdoors, and many of them end up dead, because nature is full of terrible things like sharp rocks, snow and indifference. Even the most knowledgeable outdoorsman can die while lost in the woods, because he is surrounded by

circumstances beyond his control. That’s why, instead of preparing you to survive on your own in the wild, I want to at least help you avoid dying in the most embarrassing ways possible. There are a handful of mortal threats in the outdoors that no one talks about and that are wildly humiliating. So if you ever find yourself lost in the middle of nowhere, you may not survive, but you can certainly avoid having your last sensation being utter shame. Here are five deaths to avoid if you can help it.


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Soren’s World 1. Killed by constipation

Every wilderness guide has to go through some rudimentary first-aid training for emergencies that arise out on the trail, and hands down the least glamorous way they’re ever taught to save a life is by digging rock-hard faeces out of someone’s ass with a finger. The process is called “digital extraction of fecal impaction,” and the impaction part of that equation is something that happens almost exclusively on hiking and camping trips. The problem is a combination of dehydration and a refusal to poop in the woods. People who are accustomed to sitting on toilets don’t like the idea of egesting any other way, and so they’ll make a decision not to defecate during an entire trip. That, coupled with prolonged physical activity every day, limited amounts of water and the sudden change in diet to camping food can all conspire together into a hardened mass of sh*t too big to birth. Worse, all of those elements are exacerbated when you’re lost in the wilderness. Strange foods, no water, long days of walking and the addition of stress can cause fecal impaction in three or four days. At best, it’s extraordinarily painful; at worst, the lower bowels will be completely blocked and lose circulation from the pressure, in which case you can die.

So even if you manage to build a shelter, find a food source and carve out a life for yourself deep in the forest until rescuers come, you can still be killed by your own sh*t.

2. Killed by a snow cave

There’s a reason Superman’s Fortress of Solitude is really just a glorified snow cave; even an alien superhero who can deflect bullets and change the rotation of the Earth refuses to f*ck around when it comes to hypothermia. Snow caves have saved several lost climbers and skiers, sometimes for up to 13 days. So if you’re in the middle of nowhere during a blizzard and you have the tools to dig a snow cave, you have a significantly better chance of survival. Except after sinking two or three hours of work into carving it out, it’s a special kind of humiliation if the cave ends up killing you instead of the cold. Snow is a surprisingly good insulator of heat, but it’s also a good insulator of gases. The last step in building a snow cave and the one that’s easiest to forget is punching a baseball-sized hole in the ceiling so you continue to get fresh air. Without it, you can die of a carbon dioxide build up just from breathing throughout a night or carbon monoxide poisoning if you’re using

a portable stove. Without ventilation, it’s essentially like running a car in a tiny garage. Even if you remember the hole, it’s not as simple as curling up and going to sleep until morning; fresh snowfall and even windblown snow can block the vent, so it needs constant upkeep. Without this step, which is arguably the easiest part of building a snow cave, you’re essentially just burying your own body so that no one else has to.

3. Killed by a pine cone

If you happen to be lost in the wild along the Pacific Coast of the United States, the good news is that you won’t have to fend off wolves or grizzly bears each night, but the bad news is that you might have your head crushed by a pine cone. The Coulter pine is a tall conifer tree that grows along the mountains of California, and its pine cones are the equivalent of bricks with claws. The cones are usually around 16 inches long and can weigh over 10 pounds. Additionally, each cone has hundreds of sharpened hooks circling around it, which means there’s no best way to have one fall on you. Loggers in the area nicknamed them widow-makers because they’re so dangerous. And since Australia hates being outdone when it comes to deadly ▶


30

Soren’s World anything, their bunya pines can produce 22-pound pumpkin-sized pine cones. Incidentally, these come close to killing or maiming people constantly. So if you are already doomed in the wilderness of Victoria, Australia, do your best to be bitten by a snake or something equally horrifying, because if anyone stumbles across your body after you were killed by a pine cone, it’s hard to imagine they won’t be at least a little disappointed in you.

4. Killed by a deer

Even if you read Hatchet as a kid and used that information to fashion a bow and arrow out of branches and your shoelace, that doesn’t automatically mean you’ll be eating some animal by nightfall. When trying to kill most animals, deer in particular, you’re more likely to end up swallowing your own teeth and nose cartilage than any deer meat. That’s because deer don’t want to die any more than you do, and because now you’ve made one angry. We generally think of deer as nervous creatures that bounce away at the slightest sign of danger, but depending on the time of year, deer are notorious for attacking people; the bucks go into rut in the autumn and the does are more aggressive in the spring to

protect their fawns, as a result, they’re more than willing to kick a human in the face if they suspect he or she might be a threat. So unless you can kill a deer with one shot from the arrow you just made from a twig, there’s a better chance you’ll end up in a bleeding pile of broken bones than the deer will. And while there have never been any documented cases of deer eating people, they are opportunistic carnivores that eat other animals when they have the chance, so it would be particularly embarrassing to have your broken body tasted by the same deer you thought you were going to eat.

5. Killed by a signal fire

Making a fire while lost in the wilderness is not only one of the best ways to stay alive, but also one of the surest ways to help rescuers find you. Unfortunately, if you’re in an area where you can easily find enough dry grass, bark and wood to create a fire, then you’re essentially standing in a giant pile of kindling that’s ready to ignite. Lost hikers setting signal fires are rarely careful about creating an enclosed fire pit first, understandably, because they just want to be rescued as quickly as possible. But as a result, they’ve also accidentally burned down huge chunks of forests. So while it’s difficult to get a

fire going out in the wild, it’s shockingly easy to burn yourself up in one after you get it lit. Fires built for warmth inside makeshift shelters are just as dangerous. That’s because the walls and the ceiling of your shelter are probably made of dead wood you found, which is like sleeping inside a tinderbox. Even if you keep the fire small, you’ll have to huddle in close, which only increases your chances of setting yourself on fire or, at the very least, melting your synthetic clothes to your skin. So really it’s lose-lose. Of all the humiliating ways to die in the middle of nowhere, inadvertently starting a forest fire is probably the worst, because you’re taking charred piles of wildlife with you, and possibly even a few homes, depending on how embarrassingly close to civilization you actually were.

Follow Soren on Twitter or watch him neglect his Tumblr account. This was republished by kind permission of Cracked.com. For more from Soren, read more of his blogs on http://www.cracked.com

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33

the

final

frontier story:

Gabi Mills

You’ll need deep pockets to join the waiting list for Virgin Gallactic’s SpaceShipTwo - that and nerves of steel



Space age: Virgin Gallactic will put six passengers in space per voyage, each paying $200k for the privilege.

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space cadets slam down their $20k deposits, guaranteeing their place in history. Genius scientist Stephen Hawking is perhaps an unsurprising would-be passenger, given his professional interest in space and time. However, other less obvious candidates for a walk on the wild side are said to be well known space cadet Katy Perry, as well as Ashton Kucher (the 500th passenger to sign up), Brad Pitt, Angelina Jolie and Tom Hanks.

Cross the Karman Line

STAR TREKKIN’ As a tribute to sci-fi legendary series Star Trek, the first two space ships have been called Enterprise and Voyager, while the White Knight Two carrier Motherships have been called VMS Eve, and VMS Spirit of Steve Fossett (after Branson’s long time adventuring friend who died in 2007 after his plane went missing over the Nevada desert).

BIG BIRD WhiteKnightTwo, the so-called MotherShip carrier aircraft, is the largest 100 per cent carbon composite carrier craft ever built, and made its first flight in December 2008.

BIG MONEY At the time of going to press, Virgin Gallactic has banked $65m in deposits from 550 would-be Virginauts. To help passengers access the waiting list, a specialist network of 140 Virgin Galactic accredited space agents have been put in place around the world to help process reservation service.

NICE LITTLE EARNER In addition to the passenger carrying service Virgin Gallactic is going to offer, they’ll also happily your satellite in space via LauncherOne, an air-launched rocket specifically designed to plonk small satellites into orbit.

The flights themselves will overlap the Earth’s atmosphere at 70,000 feet – making it technically a suborbital journey resulting in the holy grail of space travel - weightlessness. Getting SpaceShipTwo to the Karman line (the theoretical area where space begins) will be a carrier aircraft, White Knight II. Once a height of 52,000 ft (or 16 kms) is reached, SpaceShipTwo will separate from White Knight II and continue onwards and upwards. The entire flight from liftoff to touch down will take two and a half hours – which equates to passengers spending about $1333 per minute during their brief, unforgettable journey. For just six of those minutes passengers, will experience the distinctly odd sensation of being gravity-free so there’s the very real possibility of Virginauts bumping elbows with Mr Pitt and Ms Jolie while perhaps hanging upside down from the spaceship’s ceiling. Unlike other holiday experiences, passengers will have to endure three days of preparation, medical checks and ‘bonding’ with the flight crew, according to Virgin Gallactic. A far cry from hopping on a budget flight to Bali, if you fancy yourself as a would-be Virginaut, then you better be prepared to hang out in the Californian desert before you even get a sniff of space dust. The Mojave Spaceport, a place where apparently ‘imagination flies’, is home to more than 60 companies all with flight of some kind on their minds, and will be the place where Branson’s vision for affordable, commercial space travel will come to fruition as his space ships are built. It’s the kind of place where on any given day, you’ll look up and see ‘something strange in the sky’, a bit of a turnaround for this once sleepy high desert airport. It’s the place the Space Shuttle Endeavour chose to perform a series of low flybys before hanging up its space boots once and for all in the California ▶


36

space cadets Science Centre as a permanent display. Flight testing for SpaceShipTwo is expected to culminate at the end of 2012 with the first rocket-powered flight, while atmospheric flight tests were given the green light with an experimental launch permit granted by the flight authorities in the US. Momentum is gathering for Virgin Gallactic, and it’s expected that Branson’s team of space adventurers will be the first to actually succeed by putting paying passengers in space – but there are several others similarly ambitious companies who think the world is not enough snapping at his heels. A purpose-built runway in Sierra County, New Mexico, called Spaceport America, has been commissioned at an estimated cost of $235m with a space age terminal to match the space age travellers who’ll kick their heels there before boarding the big white bird into space. The Virgin Gallactic ‘Gateway to Space’ also serves as the company’s HQ and will become the focus of increasingly fevered media attention as the launch date approaches in the next 18 months or so. At the Farnborough International Air Show in the UK earlier this year, Branson enthusiastically spruiked his new space baby. “Virgin Galactic’s goal is to revolutionise

the way we get to space,” he said, as if there was already a bus route direct to the stars which his service would eclipse. “I’m immensely proud of what we have already achieved a we draw near to regular suborbital flights on SpaceShipTow. Now LauncherOne is bringing the price of satellite launch into the realm of affordability for innovators everywhere, from start-ups and schools to established companies and national space agencies. It will be a critical

new tool for the global research community, enabling us all to learn about our home planet more quickly and affordably.” So soon it’ will not be beyond the realms of reality that primary schools around the land could, for instance, propel their very own satellite (made out of egg cartons, toilet rolls and silver foil presumably), should they be able to stump up the costs of launching it via LauncherOne (a bargain apparently at a mere $10 million).

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Stars in their eyes: Hollywood has a long flirtation with space travel and the beings which inhabit its dark void, from A Trip to the Moon to Independence Day, 2001: A Space Odyssey and Armageddon.

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What’s so great about space? Ever since ‘A Trip to the Moon’, the first sci-fi film ever made in 1902 where a bunch of astronomers land on the moon and stumble across a colony of insectoid moon men, humans have been fascinated with space travel and the possibility of obliterating indigenous aliens for no good reason. Boringly anchored to the Earth thanks to gravity, we’ve made it our business both in the make believe world of film and thanks to those clever people at NASA, to propel ourselves into the great, black void above our heads. Mostly we’ve done this because of some misguided belief that there must be more out there than just boring old Planet Earth, and in the case of NASA, to generally piss off Russians. But now that there’s the chance to fly into space just for fun and without the inconvenience of uncomfortable space suits, there are certain elements of space travel we should all perhaps bear in mind. From Flash Gordon getting into strife with Ming being merciless, to Star Wars, you’d be forgiven for thinking that nipping out to space is anything but a dream tourist destination. Hardly anything good comes of leaving the big blue planet we all call home behind and chances are you’ll either contract some nasty space-bourne disease (The Andromeda Strain), bump into a space age computer gone AWOL (2001: A Space Odyssey), or have your innards colonized thanks to a mutating alien (Alien). They’re a war mongering lot too, these non-Earthlings, if movies like Battlestar Galactica or Independence Day are anything to go by, so you’d better pack your laser gun and teleporting gizmo if you don’t want to end up as human sandwich spread on the floor of SpaceShipTwo. Based on all of the cinematic evidence to date, it’s clear that these intrepid travellers must have collective space travel amnesia – only people like Ben Affleck ever make the return trip from space. Goddamit, even ultimate tough nut Bruce Willis was lost forever thanks to a glancing blow from an Armageddon-sized meteor. And even in the real world, there’s been more than a couple of genuinely awful space tragedies to wipe the smiles from those 550 Virginauts as they wait to board SpaceShip2. Which all leads us to the inevitable questions about just what those passengers will encounter when Branson’s space ship finally lifts off, beyond six minutes of floating about with smoked salmon canapes. Will there be a special insurance clause for instance covering the possibility of an alien incursion on board? Will Katy Perry et al be in line for a big payout on their return to Earth (assuming they aren’t consumed by a giant, spaceship eating Deathstar) should they come back with more than just a touch of altitude sickness? What if, like Bruce and Ben’s spaceship, contact with the Earth is lost and six of the world’s top actors and actresses are forever doomed to circle the planet in a giant sized carbon composite coffin with wings? And finally the real reason behind commercial space travel is revealed – to rid the planet of the star of Two and a Half Men, so we can all have a fair crack at Kutcher’s girlfriend, Mila Kunis. Nice one, Richard!



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41

D-MAX’s acceleration – it gets to 100km/h in around 12 seconds, not bad for a big girl – meant that I was doing a fair whack when they started bouncing off my bullbars. Still, I like to think they weren’t too happy as we sped away. One circuit of Bunbury told us the town had fallen. Zombies everywhere, scaring my little girl. A conflab with Laura-Lee ended in the decision to head to Perth – it’s gotta be better there, we agreed. Yeah, we know now how stupid that was. Getting out on the Kwinana Freeway though at least gave us the chance to calm ourselves. Yeah, there were wrecks, but plenty of that long old highway was clear and clean, which let me click on the steering wheel mounted cruise control and crank up the iPod through the D-MAX’s Sky Sound roof-mounted surround sound system. And for a while we just enjoyed the ride. On WA’s pristine blacktop, the D-MAX glides. The computer dashboard showed us that our ride was in top form – and flicking through the displays showed me we had a full tank of gas. I knew that would get us to Perth. Hell, a full tank in the D-MAX would have got us back home again, if that had been an option, and still had fuel to spare. I know when she’s chock full I’m gonna get at least 850 kms out of her. Maybe that’s because it’s got the lowest drag coefficient – .47CD, apparently – in its class. The aircon kept the heat of the day out and for a while it was a just another family road trip. But the closer we got to Perth, the more mangled metal there was in front of us. Mostly, I just steered round the wrecks, trying not to look in and see what was left of the poor souls inside, but just before we hit Mandurah, there was a big old pile up that was lying right across the freeway. And it wasn’t just twisted metal in front of us – as I cruised towards the scene, I could see there was a crowd of those freaks there, stumbling around, having the folks in the cars for brunch. I wasn’t going to stop – and the beauty of the D-MAX is that I knew I didn’t have to, it flicks into off-road 4WD on the run, keep the dial under 100 and you can just pop on her hiking boots with a flick of a switch. Our bush detour was bumpy, but the D-MAX took it all in its stride. Isuzu’s all-new ladder frame, which is 42 per cent more rigid that its predecessor, means it keeps its balance perfectly while the suspension soaks up all the ups and downs. Once back on freeway, it was near enough plain-sailing till we hit Perth – the big old bridge was a scrapyard. No walkers though, just Merle, a plain-talking sandgroper with a walkietalkie and big arse old shotgun that had helped him get that far. He told us that he’d heard talk that a bunch of survivors had got to Rotto – cleared it of the walking dead and were setting up camp. His beat-up old Toyota had died though and he didn’t fancy walking all the way to Freo to get on a boat. So, slowly but surely, we used the D-MAX to clear us a path over the bridge – it can tow up to three tonnes so pulling the wrecks clear was no problem. We gave Merle a lift to the docks – and he kept telling us how comfortable he was in the backseat with the kids. He’s a big man, but there’s plenty of legroom back there. Anyways, we got him to Freo. There was drama, but with me driving and Laura- Lee and Merle popping lead in the heads of any walkers that got too close, we made it. That, though, was where we had to part company. Rotto sounded good, but there wasn’t a boat big enough to get the D-MAX over there. It wasn’t a difficult decision. If we’re going to survive this, I’m keeping my ute, thank you very much.

Jude Jones checked out the Isuzu D-MAX LS, $39,990 courtesy of Regents Isuzu Ute, Scarborough Beach Road, Perth (tel: 08 9273 2000). *Disclaimer: There wasn’t actually a zombie apocalypse, so Jude and his wife took it down to Margaret River instead.


42

story:

Jude Jones courtesy of BMW

photos:

motoring

Man’s

best friend

I

t’s not so much a hug when the seatbelt gently tightens on your left shoulder, more the reassuring hand on your shoulder of a valued compadre. Forget dogs. Man’s best friend is the BMW 328i Luxury Line. This beautiful, beautiful car is like your cool, classy mate who oozes sophistication from every pore and, without ever making a big deal about it, will always have your back. Yes, he knows how to party, knows how to turn a lady’s head, but he’s the one who will make sure that any big night out, any adrenaline-pumping adventure ends with great stories to tell rather than memories you’d rather forget. The seatbelt thing is just the starting point. As you lower yourself into the big, comfortable leather driving seat, instinctively rubbing your hand over the burnt walnut trim, the luxury line 328i quietly checks to see if you’ve got your key with you. Whether it’s sitting in your pocket

or you’ve dropped them into one of the two cup holders above the gear shift, it will acknowledge their presence leaving you to simply press the satisfyingly big start button next to the leather-trimmed steering wheel and listen as the two-litre turbo-charged engine purrs into life. It’s as you pull away that the 328i checks your seatbelt is doing its thing – and that reassuring little tug as it tightens around you was a quirk that didn’t fail to make me smile during my time checking out this bastion of the luxury sedan market. But the car’s commitment to looking out for you doesn’t stop there. BMW have generated what they refer to as an ‘active protection system’ to go alongside the six airbags, stability and traction control and ABS braking which make this quite the 5-star ANCAP-rated fortress safety wise in a traditional sense – and this clever piece of technology really makes you feel the 328i wants to be your guardian angel. The system monitors the way you drive

and what’s going on around you, so if you’re perhaps pushing a bit to hard or your mind is wandering a tad, the megacomputer inside your car will pick up on the fact and, without making a fuss, close the sunroof and windows and tighten up your seatbelts. Basically, it braces for impact – just in case. And what’s more, once you’ve successfully not had a prang, it doesn’t then give you a mouthful of abuse for a touch of erratic driving. Oh, and then there’s BMW’s auto startstop feature – a quirky little affair which, admittedly takes a bit of getting used to at first. Stop at traffic lights, or anywhere really, and the car will switch itself off rather than idle til it gets to pull away again. The first couple of times this happens it’s hard to get away from the idea that you’ve stalled, but once you’re used to it, it’s just another comforting example of the good kind of big brother looking out for you. So keeping you safe is taken care of – but the 328i helps out in lots of other ways.


Jude Jones checked out the $64,600 BMW 328i Luxury Line courtesy of WestCoast BMW, 17 Luisini Road, Wangara, WA 6065 Tel 08 9303 588

Gadget-wise, the luxury line just hums. Here’s just a sample of what you’ve got at your fingertips: Dual-zone climate control, auto dimming, electrically-adjustable leather seats, automatic lights and wipers, front foglights, iDrive for control of interior systems, satellite navigation, nine-speaker audio, 17-inch alloy wheels and a limited slip differential. Most of this is controlled by the panel between the two front seats and the buttons on the elegant steering wheel. You can, of course, Bluetooth up your phone and iPod so all that malarkey is displayed on the small screen nestled on the dashboard. There’s so much going on that you’ll be forgiven for sometimes just wanting to sit and play. I’ll admit here that I was thinking favourable thoughts about my latest review car before the chaps at WestCoast BMW handed me the keys. Back in the day, way before children and the stab at domesticity me and my missus make nowadays, I had a 3 series. It was a Mark 5, deep maroon 320i – and I loved it. It was the first car I ever bought because I wanted it rather than simply because it was the only one in the classifieds I could afford. I clocked up more miles in that thing than I care to remember – a girlfriend in London when I was living in Scotland kept the odo spinning – but I remember each and every one with fondness. I was, simply, converted to the legion who have fallen in love with the ultimate driving machine. Since then, I’d watched with a stab of jealousy the three series evolve, watched it get sleeker, curvier, and had often wondered whether those three words were still justified for the 21st century version. Well, let me tell you, they are. Remember, this was the luxury version I was driving, not the sport version, but even so, the kick that I fell in love with way back when was still very much there. You can feel the power at your disposal - the twin-scroll turbo boosts power to 180kW between 5000 and 6500rpm, torque measures 350Nm from 1250 rpm all the way to 4800rpm – so if you want it to, the 328i can really move. It holds the road perfectly, gliding, floating around town, the suspension soaking up most everything urban roads can throw at it. It is still, I can attest, the ultimate driving machine. And, of course, it is beautiful. Sleek, with that ever so slight hint of brutishness in the background, a car that stands out on the highway, lifting itself above the sea of same-old-same-old sedans. For me, this is the car to have when you’ve made it where you want to go, when you’re ready to elegantly showcase your success. Get one, and it’ll be the perfect companion. I, though, had to eventually hand mine back. I tell you, it was like losing my best friend.

43

legal high All I could do was laugh. Like a drain. I’d fully intended to be the cool motoring hack, nod sagely and make an intelligent, car-centric comment about torque or something, but when Alan Matthewson hit the accelerator and his BMW 135i M Sport and we shot forward I emitted nothing except the kind of elated guffaw I haven’t spouted since I was a 10-year-old kid on my first rollercoaster ride. If you know cars, you’ll know that the 135i M is pretty quick. Alan’s, though, takes quick to the extreme. How does a top speed of 292 k/mh and 0-100 in 3.6seconds sound? Yes, it’s still street legal, but it’s also raceready, a shiny, black, liveried-up piece of driving perfection that is the pride and joy of the softlyspoken general manager of WestCoast BMW. You see, as well as running the largest BMW dealership in the southern hemisphere – a position he’s risen to after a meteoric career that has seen him evolve into one of the company’s golden boys – the 41-year-old owns and races this fantastic piece of machinery. Oh, and he’s also the man behind its re-engineered brilliance – Alan’s no stuffed suit. As a fully qualified vehicle engineer, it’s his hands that have got dirty converting the car into one of the fastest bullets in its class. Here are some of the things he’s done, tweaks and additions that he trots out with a modest drawl that, as someone who sometimes struggles to find my Commodore’s bonnet release, shames me to the core: High-flow downpipes with straight through exhaust; large front mount intercooler; cold air induction; large mount oil cooler; cobb engine management tuner; KW Clubsport suspension with compression and rebound; Hankook Ventus soft compound race tyres; and Wavetrac limited slip differential. And let me repeat, these aren’t mods he’s ordered off the internet and got someone else to sort out – he’s sourced them all and

motoring

then fitted them himself. Yes, it helps that he has WestCoast BMW’s pristine service centre at his disposal, but that’s still some technical know-how the Chittering man can boast. And all the tweaks have made their mark. Alan and his $55,000 dream machine compete in a development series called The Speed Event Series - a time attack where he races against the clock to try to clock best time in his class. He punches above his weight too – the 135i is 3-litre, but as it’s turbo charged he runs with the 4-litre to 6-litre road-registered class, which means he’s up against the likes of Skylines, V8 Commodores and Falcon XR8s. And he more than holds his own – last month he was first in his class at a meet in Pemberton. It’s a serious business then, but it’s plain to see Alan does it for the love. A petrolhead for as long as he can remember – he raced go-karts as a kid – he is a walking compilation of motoring yarns, remembering with exquisite detail every car that’s influenced him over the years. Even the 135i’s rego pays homage to metal he’s loved in the past – R U BAD 2 was the numberplate sported by a sit-up-andbeg Ford Pop he fell in love with at a Santa Pod meet when he was but a 12-year-old boy back in the UK. It covered the quarter mile in seven seconds and Alan became a huge fan. As soon as he landed in Oz, then, he bought the plate for himself. And his love of the car comes over as he gave me a quick, completely legal, demo in the roads around the showroom. Remember, it’s street legal – Alan can and does drive this beast to work now and then, as well as using it as a ‘mobile billboard’ at fairs and events around Perth. It has aircon, a CD player, sat nav – things he’s often tempted to use while racing – so when it’s behaving nicely, it’s as happy on public roads as your anonymous Getz. But when he hit that pedal and my head was thrown back and that deep, long laugh exploded, I couldn’t help but be thankful for being given a tiny glimpse of the beast inside.


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story:

Antonio Romano

motorbikes TIGER EXPLORER SPECIFICATIONS Engine and Transmission

HEAVY WEIGHT EARNS ITS STRIPES IT’S TAKEN A WHILE IN THE MAKING BUT TRIUMPH HAS FINALLY RELEASED A BIKE THAT COMBINES HIGH PERFORMANCE WITH SERIOUS COMFORT

Type

Liquid-cooled, 12 valve, DOHC, in-line three-cylinder

Capacity

1215cc

Clutch

Wet, multi-plate

Gearbox

6-speed

Frame

Tubular steel trellis frame

Instrument Display/Functions LCD instrument pack with digital speedometer, analogue tachometer, gear position indicator, fuel gauge, range to empty, service indicator, clock, air temperature, frost warning, hazard warning lights, trip computer, Tyre pressure monitoring system DIMENSIONS AND CAPACITIES Length

2248mm/88.4in

Width (handlebars)

962mm

Height without mirrors

1410mm/55.5in

Seat Height

837mm/32.9in - 857mm/33.7in

Fuel Tank Capacity

20 litres/5.3 US gals

Wet Weight (ready to ride)

259kg/570lbs

Maximum Power

137PS/135bhp/101kW @ 9300rpm



www.jcsmotorcycles.com.au




Rewriting the rule book f audiences suffered along with the slaves through Roots or Amistad then trust Quentin Tarantino to present slavery unlike any director before. The sacred cow of Hollywood filmmaking, slavery has always been handled with kid gloves but, with Django Unchained, Tarantino re-envisions this tricky topic, introducing the Slave as Rambo in a film about revenge and bloody pay-back. Like Inglourious Basterds, Django Unchained doesn’t aim for historical accuracy or any PC pussy-footing. The James Brown track on the trailer immediately announces that this isn’t the slavery of the classically-scored soundtracks surrounding your average cotton plantation. “When’s the last time you’ve seen a movie about slavery?” demands Jamie Foxx who beat Will Smith and Idris Elba to the coveted role of Django. Admittedly its been a while. Steven Spielberg’s Oscar-nominated Amistad being the last one of note, some 15 years ago. “And that’s because we’re so afraid of it [slavery] cause some of it still bubbles up now today. But I think its necessary for us to understand what it is back in the history because it really dictates what’s going on today,” says the 45-year-old actor. Inspired by Sergio Corbucci’s 1966 spaghetti western starring Franco Nero as the eponymous Django, Tarantino’s own Django Unchained tells a different story, set in a different place and era, borrowing the Django title only in name and flavour. However, he does further tip his hat in homage by featuring Nero in a cameo. Inglourious Basterds’ break-out baddie Christoph Waltz plays the good guy in this re-teaming, cast as a dentist-turned-bountyhunter who buys the freedom of the slave Django and trains him as his deputy. It’s a lucrative arrangement and soon the pair set out to settle Django’s personal score and rescue his wife, played by Kerry Washington, from Leonardo DiCaprio’s ruthless plantation owner. Far from wallowing in resentment for the suffering of his long-dead ancestors, Foxx views the story of the African American slave as an evolutionary tale of triumph: “What I explained to my two daughters was ‘This is what happened a long time ago and it was very bad, but look at the evolution of freedom. America is the evolution of freedom, and now we have an African American president so that’s something that you can really look one way and see terrible circumstances and then look over here, and look how fantastic its turned out. ” Indeed, not only has he introduced his eldest daughter to President Obama at The White House, the actor has political designs of his own: “Its really important as I get older. When I was younger I was just like ‘aahha, yeah baby, wassup’,” he says, giving it some jive-talk. “That’s all it was in my 20s and 30s. And then I was talking to my friend Puffy, Sean Diddy Combs, and I was like ‘What are we going to do because our black leaders are getting older now?’ They talk about substance and there’s no-one else, so this is going to be our time now, so soon we’re going to have to put the champagne down, turn off the music and actually talk about something. So I guess around

I

35 is when things started changing for me. “I think I’m old enough and young enough to have young folks appreciate some of the knowledge because I talk to all the young entertainers; I have them all come over to my house most of them, throw a dinner for them and say ‘Hey look, this is the amount of power you have. Still have all the fun but don’t forget that the power that you have can touch so many people’. Especially in hip hop, those folk can really touch people. So that’s where I am now,” says Foxx going on to describe even Tarantino as being hip hop - not that you’d think it to look at the chunky, square-jawed director. “Quentin is a free-styling hip hop dude. He’s like a big kid. He’s so energetic and when he shows you the stunt he acts it out and falls on the ground and bang, boom, OK, and then you run here and bam! And I was like ‘Look at this dude, man! This dude is acting it out for me! You’re gonna break your hip or something!’ And he was sweating and I was like ‘Wow. He’s like a kid, like a child emperor but he really is gifted when you watch him work and you watch him write. “When we got to the end of the movie, he blew up the house and says ‘Its not working’ And I say ‘What’s not working?’ ‘The end of the movie” he says. So he told everyone to go home, and he went back to his house and re-wrote the whole ending and it was brilliant. “Remember the movie Amadeus and how Mozart would just write? I was like ‘You awesome, cinematic genius’. Like nobody does that - nobody blows up a mansion and then stands in the rubble while its burning going ‘Its not going to work’. And then he just did it and it was better. I call him hip-hop. He’s just spitting out verses off the top of his head. But the verses are great, amazing.”

jamie foxx

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50

story:

Gill Pringle Brian Bowen Smith

photos:

film If you thought the Hemsworth brothers were Australia’s most spectacular recent exports to Hollywood, then say g’day to WAAPA (Western Australian Academy of Performing Arts), alumni Jai Courtney. Just 27, the Sydney-born actor will soon burst onto the big screen in a trio of big budget movies, first going fisticuffs with Tom Cruise in action thriller Jack Reacher and then as Bruce Willis’ son John McClane Jr in Die Hard 5, groomed to potentially take over as the star of the iconic franchise. Teaming up with fellow Aussies Yvonne Strahovski and Mirando Otto, he then stars as the leader of a gargoyle army in horror flick I, Frankenstein. Not bad for a lad whose career was confined to the small screen only two years earlier, sporting a bad bleach job and covered in body bronzer as Varro in Spartacus. “Look, I’ve always been an ambitious person so I always hoped to have these opportunities, but it was incredible to work with Tom Cruise. It took a while to find the courage to actually hit him because you don’t want to throw the wrong punch at the wrong time and collect him on the jaw with a right hook!” laughs Courtney who was terrified of incurring permanent damage to what is, arguably, one of the most famous faces in the world. Weirder than actually fighting with Cruise, was sitting in a hot-tub with the A-lister at 3am. “We were in Pittsburgh in the middle of winter and we were freezing, filming a fight scene under a cold rain tower, and its not like that water’s heated and we were drenched to the bone. There’s no point in trying to stay dry so we’d jump into the hot-tub, fully clothed, in costume, because 10 minutes later you’ve got to run out back into the rain again so it was the only way to stay warm,” recalls the 6’ 1” actor. Starring as Bruce Willis’ son on A Good Day To Die Hard, he’s first to admit he doesn’t actually resemble the older star. “Thankfully I don’t think the studio was so concerned as to whether we had a physical likeness but, truth is, some people don’t look anything like their parents so if audience members think we don’t look alike, they’ll just have to forgive us,” says Courtney whose own dad Chris worked at north-western Sydney electric company while his mum Karen taught at a local primary school. Having met his long-time love, actress Gemma Pranita, seven years ago when both were auditioning for WAAPA ,Courtney has grown used to being the lesser-known half of the couple as his Thai-born girlfriend became famous as Neighbours’ Jade Mitchell. But now the tables have turned, and Pranita has said her final farewell to Ramsay Street and moved to Los Angeles where her boyfriend is about to become one of Hollywood’s most visible new stars. “She’s exploring that whole thing now that I did a couple of years ago. She wants to tackle the LA thing and get representation over here so its an exciting time for her as well. Up until this month I’ve been living out of a suitcase, but now we plan to move here permanently.” Looking momentarily sad, he talks about his late Spartacus co-star Andy Whitfield: “I am forever indebted to him. Meeting Andy and working with him had a lot to do with my education about how to approach LA. We became very close and he’d come out here for years and done multiple pilot seasons and had a lot of knowledge about how the town worked,” he says talking from the comfort of his suite at Beverly Hills’ Four Seasons hotel. “I was always serious about getting out here and trying to do this but didn’t really know how to approach it. I remember back in those days, my girlfriend was quite keen to come and do it but I had this attitude that you just had to wait until you had the right thing to bounce off. But I don’t even know if I’m of that school anymore. It can be tricky to come here and get started but its not necessarily like you need to conquer the Aussie thing first, I think its just about making the most of an opportunity - whether that’s an Aussie soap or a US TV show or a small role in a big film, whatever it is, just something to get the ball rolling. But it was Andy who gave me the confidence to come out here in the first place.”

© Paramount Pictures 2012. All Rights Reserved.

AUSTRALIA’S LATEST HOT SHOT MOVIE STAR HAS WORKED WITH THE BIGGEST NAMES IN HOLLYWOOD ALREADY, AND WE BET YOU’VE NEVER EVEN HEARD OF HIM. THAT’S ALL ABOUT TO CHANGE, THANKS TO HIS LATEST FILM, JACK REACHER (OH AND TOM CRUISE IS IN IT TOO)

Jai talking

Meet Jai Courtney

in cinemas 3 January 2013


Bowers & Wilkins 800 series Speakers as used in the famous Abbey Road Studios, London

Bowers & Wilkins 800 Series Speakers as used in the Jones’ Family Home Theatre, Cottesloe

The origin of true sound. Now more affordable than ever! The Bowers & Wilkins 800 series Diamond loud speakers are recognised by industry commentators, recording engineers and many fans as one of the world’s finest loudspeaker range. In exciting news, this revered range of loudspeakers are now available in Australia at a new lower price. Recent alignment with international pricing makes it the best time ever to invest in the very speakers that are used in making many music and film soundtracks today.

Featuring the award winning Diamond technology, there is an 800 series loudspeaker to suit every situation – from bookshelf, custom installation through to floor standing models where art meets science. Visit WA’s exclusive B&W 800 series dealers Surround Sounds, Nedlands for an audition today.

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52

XTREME ER OF THE W O P G IN P TOP R LIFE E HEART S IDE OF YOU H R T E E C H T N N IE O R NCELIN! EN XPE YOU’RE TAK R SAND DUNES OF LA S A Y G G U B CULA TRALIA HE SPECTA IND IN AUS THROUGH T E ONLY RIDE OF ITS K THIS IS TH

Stephen Curry, star of Save Your Legs, a movie about a bunch of cricket-loving mates who take their team to India, answers some deep and meaningful questions about, well, cricket and mates to be honest

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RC: This is a movie about the enduring strength of mateship and the bonds formed during sport – will it appeal to people with no friends and no interest in sport?: Stephen Curry: I think people with no friends will love this film. They will be able to go and see it alone and no –one will steal their popcorn or ask them stupid questions in the middle of it, like “Why’s that dude got red hair?”. The film will become their friend and if they buy it on DVD they can take it ten-pin bowling. People with no interest in sport will love this film cos it’s got dancing in it, comedy, Indians and funny jokes about poo. RC: Are you a keen cricketer and if so, do you have your own box and colourful blazer like the boys in the film?: SC: I am a very keen cricketer, but I’m crap at it. I’m really good at watching it though. In fact, if there was a world cup of cricket watching I’d probably be the Australian captain. At the very least I’d open the sitting. I have my own box, but I only wear it as a fashion statement. The last time I wore a colourful blazer I was stabbed in the chest, so I tend to leave it in the closet. RC: Did you and the other actors have to go through some cricket coaching to get up to speed? If so who’s the best cricketer amongst the cast?: SC: We did have some coaching. Graham Yallop (ex-Australian test captain) taught me the finer points of not looking like a loser when facing up. He gave up after a while and I rested safe in the knowledge that my character, Teddy Brown, is meant to be a bit crap, so in the film it looks like I researched the role. The best cricketer among us is Damon Gameau. Just ask him. Seriously, the dude’s a bit big on himself, I’ve got to say. He calls himself ‘The Tonk’. And now so do we. Hence the saying, “Geez - that Gameau’s a bit of a tonk isn’t he??” RC: What was it like working in India?: SC: Working in India was challenging to say the least. There are probably three times as many people on the set, and most of them were called Rajeev. We all had at least a couple of days where we had to wear man-nappies. You just don’t see too many actors in Australia wearing them. Apart from Brendan Cowell. At first I thought it was for comedic effect when I saw him don one on the set of ‘Love My Way’, but it turns out he’s just chronically incontinent. But he’s a nice guy. Just don’t stand too close. RC: What did you love/not love so much about filming there?:


53

film

Currying favour in cinemas january 2013

SC: I loved the ‘can do’ attitude of the crew. Nothing was impossible. A quick head wobble and Inshallah. It is done. I also loved the fact that I got back to our trailer and there was some dude in there that I’d never met, just casually feeding a goat. It was one of those moments where you go “I don’t think we’re in St Kilda any more.” I didn’t love the fact that the film had to finish. It was one of those shoots you just hoped would go on forever. Or at least until the director died of cholera. RC: Do you have your own band of brothers like the guys in the film:? SC: My two brothers Andrew and Bernie and I used to play in a band together. Our Dad’s name is Nev and as our surname’s Curry, we called ourselves “Nev’s Vindaloo”. Highbrow stuff, I’m sure you’ll agree. We

played weddings, chapatis, Anything really. RC: What’s important about mateship to you personally?: SC: Mateship to me is what defines us as Australians. To know that there are people out there who’ll be there for you come what may. They’ll go into battle for you at the drop of a hat, just as quickly as they’ll take the piss out of you for wearing mustard pants or a moustache. RC: Is comedy still your first love?: SC: Comedy’s definitely still my first love. It’s what comes most naturally to me and god knows I hate to have to work too hard. When it works it’s the instant feedback that’s the most satisfying thing. To hear genuine laughter makes your hairs stand on end. Conversely, the silence of a joke (or an entire film) that goes down like the proverbial ‘turd

in a lunchbox’ is what makes you want to work harder next time. Apologies for the expression ‘turd in a lunchbox’. My mum asked me to stop using it, so when I proofread this questionnaire I’m going to remove it. RC: What other projects are you working on for 2013?: SC: I’m working on a show for the ABC called “Time of our Lives”. From the people who made “The Secret Life of Us” it’s a relationship drama in which I play a standup comedian who shags a lot of girls. As a married father of one, it’s getting harder and harder coming up with excuses for leaving the house. I’m planning on telling her before the show comes on air. RC: Sum the movie up in three words: SC: Save your legs.




56

perth arena

Whoa, people - check out the line up at Perth Arena from December onwards. We’re tipping the highlights for early 2013 will include JLo, Minaj, tennis, Wheezer have you got your tickets yet?

Jennifer Lopez aka ( JLO) Thursday December 6 Jenny from the Block kicks off her first ever Aussie tour here in Perth so there very least you can do is turn out to watch this girl from the Bronx shake her brilliantly proportioned tush. One of a select few who can rightly claim to being a global superstar, JLO’s Dance Again World Tour will include performances of her many hits from albums which have sold more than 70 million copies worldwide. She’s been around since 1999, so expect a super slick show with those killer vocal hooks she’s based her entire career around. Viva JLO!

+++++++++++++++ Tickets: Platinum $301.50; Gold $201.50; Silver $153.20; Bronze $105.35; Meet and Greet $796.20 Buy your tickets from www.ticketek.com.au

Nicki Minaj Saturday December 8

There’s no denying it. Everything about Nicki Minaj is big, not least her following here in Oz where, following her Pink Friday tour in May 2012, she played to capacity crowds in Brisbane, Sydney and Melbourne. Now it’s our turn her in Perth to show Trinidadian-born Minaj the way we like to roll. The stats are impressive (and I’m not just talking about Nicki’s eye-popping physique). Her multi-platinum debut album contains the most charted singles by any female rap album (Yes, Missy Elliott, I’m talking to you), and she’s the first artist to have seven singles on the Billboard Hot 100 chart At The Same Time. Not unknown to turn the air blue with her fruity lyrics, make sure you bring your bleep machine if excitable tweenies are part of your concert-going party.

+++++++++++++++ Tickets:General admission $132.40; general admission and digital album $153.45; gold seat $132.40; gold seat and digital album $153.45; silver seat $102.40; silver seat and digital album $123.40 Buy your tickets from www.ticketek.com.au


57

perth arena

Starry, starry nights: From left, Jennifer Lopez is visiting Perth for the very first time in December, swiftly followed by Nicki Minaj (s_bukley / Shutterstock.com). Then it’s time to pull on your tennis whites for the hotly anticipated Hyundai Hopman Cup before the boys from Weezer play their first tour in Oz for 16 years.

the

hyundai

hopman cup Saturday December 29 to Saturday January 5 Quite a coup for the Perth Arena mandarins, the arrival of the Hopman Cup cavalcade of tennis stars should firmly position the venue as a sporting spot of choice for major events from now on. For the past 24 years, the Hopman Cup has showcased the talents of stars like Federer, Seles, Graf and Becker – and this year, in its 25th outing, tennis lovers can expect to thrill to the groundstrokes and net play of current superstars Djokovic, Ivanovic and Tsonga as well as Aussie hopefuls Tomic and Dellacqua. Game, set and match, we’d say. And for your chance to win tickets don’t miss our competition via our Facebook page.

+++++++++++++++ Tickets: Series packages and single sessions are available from www.ticketek.com.au, while premium hospitality and corporate entertainment packages can be found here: www.e-brochures.com.au/tennis/Hyundai-hopman-cup-2013

Weezer Wednesday January 23

The boys from Weezer only made one tour of Australia and that was 16 years ago, so you’d be right in thinking we’re well overdue for a return visit. Rumours have swirled for years that they’d be back on stage and now, just for all you diehard Weezards, this is the show for you. They’ll play their greatest hits as well as rarer tracks plus their new work, The Blue Album, in its entirety. Cloud Control and Ball Park Music will add their support to Weezer, making it a night to remember.

+++++++++++++++ Tickets: Gold Floor $123.90; Gold Reserve Seats $123.90, Silver Reserve seats $99.90 Buy your tickets from www.ticketek.com.au


58

summer festivals

All the fun festivals

of the

Perth has exerted a magnetic-like effect this summer, drawing some genuinely top quality acts to strut their stuff during festivals and concerts. Are you all set to dancing our arses off?


59

summer festivals

Future Music Festival Sunday March 3, Arena Joondalup

Summadayze

Southbound

Sunday January 6, Patersons Stadium, Subiaco

Friday 4 and Saturday 5 January, Sir Stewart Bovell Park, Busselton,

Summadayze has ruled the roost for the past decade as the ‘dope ass vibe’ summer celebration of song and dance music. Top international acts roll out their wares to fun loving, free wheeling fans. Snoop Dog said of Summadayze 2012 that it was “off the hook, off the chain to shizzle dizzle”. Quite. 2013’s lineup is looking like a perfectly curated mix of boss DJs (Fedde Le Grand, Mark Ronson) with music to make your popsicles melt – MIA, Kimbra and Adrian Lux to name a few. The Chemical Brothers top the bill with their buzzing DJ set so pull on your hot pants and get those dancing shoes turned up to max. Summa has officially arrived in Subiaco.

For those of us who prefer our music in view of a tented community, then Southbound’s the place to be. With an ever changing line up, 2013’s festival of yurts, sleeping bags and a shimmy of arts thrown in for good measure, Southbound is the feelgood festival in the heart of our deep south. Angus Stone (minus Julia), Ball Park Music, The Hives, Hot Chip, Lisa Mitchel and local kids done good, San Cisco (see Rising Stars page 27) will keep festival goers in need of a power shower suitably revived and entertained. We’re particularly thrilled that Totally Enormous Extinct Dinosaurs are on the bill – if only because of their Totally Brilliant Name.

Visit www.summadayze.com for the full line up

For more info go to www.southboundfestival.com.au

There are high hopes among those who’ve organized 2013’s Future Music ‘Day of the Dead-Set Awesome’ that this is the festival which will knock the socks off of all present. Described as ‘kicking harder than a Tijuana donkey on peyote’, there’s a distinct Mexican on steroids vibe to the event. Perhaps most effectively embodied by The Prodigy, the UK’s hard-ass dub-step act, there’s a general expectation that this will be epic. Kill The Noise, Zeds Dead, and DJ Zane Lowe will all play their part in lifting the roof off Joondalup’s Arena. Crazy dude Dizzee Rascal, AFL Grand Final performers The Temper Trap and Rudimental will top their impressive run of success in the Northern ‘burbs – rubbing shoulders with Rita ‘Party and Bullshit’ Ora. And then there’s The Stone Roses, fresh from basking in the glory of heading up the fastest selling rock tour in UK history (220,000 tickets in just over an hour). The boys from Manchester join fellow Brits Bloc Party, to take the dancing donkey in all of us to the next level. For further infor go to www.futuremusicfestival.com.au and www.mellenevents.com

Soundwave Monday March 4, Claremont Showground Let’s hope you’ve already got your tickets for Soundwave because the line up sure is a humdinger. The organisers said it would sell out within hours, and they weren’t wrong. Social media went into meltdown when the initial line up was announced – and for good reason. Touted to be the Big Daddy of WA’s music events in 2013, rock gods Metallica are topping the bill with a rumoured playlist which will include a full playing of their 1991 selftitled album for grateful fans. But if Lars Ulrich and his mates weren’t enough, then there’s also Linkin Park, Anthrax, Garbage, Paramore, as well as Blink 182 (as long as fear of flying victim drummer Adam actually makes it onto the plane – at this stage still to be confirmed). Sum 41, Flogging Molly, Six Feet Under and The Offspring make Soundwave a worthy contender for the best way to spend an afternoon – EVER. Fact. Visit www.soundwavefestival.com for full details



reviews preview of the month

THE IMPOSSIBLE

Released: 24 January 2013

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Like 9/11, everybody can probably remember where they were when they heard about the 2004 Indian Ocean tsunami. For many, it was the first time the word ‘tsunami’ had been used in its proper context, and the first time perhaps that nature’s fury had been so brutally revealed thanks to the media’s speedy arrival on the scene of so much devastation in Thailand, Indonesia and Sri Lanka. The Impossible is set in Thailand during that fateful period which claimed 250,000 live just after Christmas in 2004, and stars Ewan McGregor and Naomi Watts as parents Henry and Maria. The couple have brought their three children for a dreamy family holiday in what they believed to be a perfect paradise. Based on a true story (about a Spanish family), real places in the story were used as backdrop to the film, although footage of the tsunami strike itself was shot in a water tank in Alicante apparently. This is a breathtaking movie, not only because of the astonishing special effects which more than convey the terrifying power of the sea as it engulfs Henry, Maria and their three sons, tearing the family apart. It’s breathtaking too because of the performances, particularly from Tom Holland, who plays eldest son Lucas. This moving and affecting film, winning high praise from critics in Europe where it’s already on general release, reminds us of the knife edge we all share between our normal, hum drum existence and earth-shattering, momentous events which can engulf any one of us out of the blue.


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reviews book of the month

UNZIPPED: HOW TO HAVE THE HOTTEST SEX OF YOUR LIFE By Manon Random House, published Dec 3 2012, RRP $25.95

50 Shades of Grey has a lot to answer for. Before the dreadful dribblings which took the supermarket book market by storm, sex was just one of those things you did in between brushing your teeth and getting up to eat Weetbix. Nowadays perfectly normal people are expecting their adventures in the bedroom to be slightly above the usual fumble on a Friday night after a couple of beers thanks to Mr Grey and his willing slave, Ana. To that end, Unzipped: How to Have the Hottest Sex of Your Life might just slip you a literary Viagra should things be, er, flagging in the sexytimes department. Penned by Manon Youdale, a US-based PR guru turned sexpert (she’ll soon be appearing on The History Channel with The History of Sex), Unzipped has been created to empower would-be

sex goddesses (and broad minded gods) in and out of the bedroom. Apparently ‘teaching hot sex’ is something Manon knows ‘all about’, so expect guaranteed results from her suggestions about how to spice up your sex life, from ‘mind altering fellatio’ to advice about ‘integrating toys’. If that all sounds a bit too challenging, fear not as there are also colourful sections on strengthening one’s vaginal area, tips on how to exude sexual confidence as well as suggestions on how to ‘worship’ yourself. This is the book to turn to should you be keen to showcase some bold new moves inspired by the nation’s new found sexual confidence. Hands-on (lol, rofl), this is a sex guide for the new generation of Anas and Christians – so it might be time to book a Duvet Day or two off from work.

As a special treat for readers, we’ve got TWO COPIES OF UNZIPPED TO GIVE AWAY. To be in with a chance of winning a copy, just answer this simple question. WHO WROTE UNZIPPED? WAS IT A. MANON YOUDALE; B. JK ROWLING; OR C. JRR TOLKEIN. If you know the answer send it, along with your contact details to competitions@candymedia.com.au by January 1 2013.

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reviews music of the month

2013 looks like it’s shaping up to be the year of bands who legitimately could be expected to be pulling on their slippers and having a nana nap of an afternoon. Instead an astonishing collection of blasts from the past in denim and leather prove that these old timers are more than up for another screaming yowl at fame, with several studio albums mooted to be released over the forthcoming year. Rumours have been swirling for some time that Angus Young and the boys from AC/DC are

RETURN OF THE ROCK GODS

lining up their 16th international disc, the first since 2008’s Black Ice, while Ozzy Osborne’s Black Sabbath are set to release the band’s 19th studio album, the first since 1995’s Forbidden. It’s also the first with Ozzy on vocals since 1978’s Never Say Die, and Geezer Butler returning on bass after a hiatus since 1994. Iron Maiden, Megadeth, Motörhead and Thin Lizzy are all releasing new work in 2013, and in the case of the Lizzys, it’ll be the first recording without original bassist and vocalist

Phil Lynott, who died in 1986. In a move designed to thrill old grunge girls and boys, a 20th anniversary edition of In Utero will be released, honouring the position Nirvana hold in many of our hearts. Deep Purple, Anthrax and Green Day make up this roll call of godlike music for 2013, appropriately enough in this, the Year of the (Trouser) Snake. Massive: 2013 is shaping up to be a great year for rock fans, with some epic album releases on the cards.

HOT TIP

When Geraldton-born Ben Saunders first stared playing music, his room was the only place he’d sing and play. This all changed when he moved out of home and, thanks to the encouragement of his room mates, took his talent beyond the realms of his bedroom walls. In due course, Ben started playing around the regional WA pub scene, carving a solid following over the past few years. For the last couple of months, Ben has spent time in the recording studio, resulting in the release of his well received EP, Summerset. His incredibly relaxed and at times comical approach to his music has served him well, and if you know what’s good for you this fantastic EP is best served with beer, sun and good friends. www.facebook.com/ benjamin.saunders.12



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w o H to b

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Ca

sta w

y a

You've got your rod, bait and an esky full of coldies so where's the best place to go all Tom Hanks and act like a castaway? We've got a couple of suggestions for you...


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travel - gone fishing

d e h S b u l C o t e Welcom

T

he first mates only island has finally opened its shonky doors, thanks to a smart move by one of Australia’s leading beer brands snapping up the deserted spot just off the the Southern Great Barrier reef several months ago. After months of savvy social media action which made the XXXX Island sound pretty much like heaven on earth, the first lucky visitors were welcomed ashore in October. Six lucky winners from across Australia, along with three of their mates, were treated to a weekend of what XXXX Gold termed the ‘good life’ (and valued at $10,000) – a spot of fishing, a friendly game of touch footy, or a relaxed afternoon playing cards while a pulley system delivered a can of icy cold beer direct to the ‘Punter’s Pavilion’. Sound like your kind of place? Well the only way you’ll get your feet under that Punter’s Pavilion is by entering one of the many competitions XXXX Gold will be running through the year, all designed to land lucky lovers of a good drop on XXXX Island’s golden shores. “Like all of our XXXX Gold drinkers, we’ve been eagerly awaiting XXXX Island’s

official opening since we announced we’d acquired it back in March,” XXXX’s marketing manager Anna McMillan said “In the last six months, we’ve been working to ensure every part of the island – from our custom built bar with the best views of the Southern Great Barrier Reef to the one-hole golf course – will truly confirm XXXX Island as the ultimate destination for mates’ trips away,” said Anna. XXXX Island features the creature comforts you’d expect on an island brought to you by one of our favourite Aussie beer brands. There are specially fitted-out cabins such as the fishing shack, the footy shack and the larger-than-life campground; a man-cave filled with bits and pieces to keep guests busy; and other small ingenious touches including a fishing lure vending machine and keg cookers to grill up the catch of the day. Also in the works is the island’s very own custom-built ‘loo with a view,’ a toilet positioned on one of the highest points of the island to ensure users can enjoy all of its scenic glory whilst on the so-called‘throne’. This was suggested by one of the Island’s ‘likers’ on Facebook – along with other crackpot concepts designed to reflect

the every whim of your average XXXX drinker given free imaginative reign. “This is not Club Med – it’s more Club Shed,” said Anna. “We’re not offering up a five star resort, but rather one of the most perfect places on earth to simply kick back with nature and enjoy a beer with your mates.” Managing the island experience for the 24 guests each weekend will be a team of four staff, chosen from applicants across the country. There’s even a four legged friend to play fetch with although you might want to keep him on dry land thanks to the stingers which lurk offshore in season. Spinner, the XXXX Island dog, was recently fostered from the Animal Welfare League of Queensland and is now happily in the care of XXXX Island managers, Mel and Mark. Jules Lund, destination expert and one of the XXXX Island ambassadors, said: “I’ve been to a lot of places in Australia and can safely say XXXX Island is hands-down the ultimate destination for mates’ trips away. “If there’s one thing I’m telling my mates about in the coming months, it’s how they can get themselves to XXXX Island.”



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travel - gone fishing

Guilt-free trip

pin’

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here are two types of hot – ‘work hot’ and ‘play hot’. If you’re one of our core readership, one of those flouro-sporting guys and girls employed to reap the mineral treasure from our big red land, then you know exactly what I mean. Under the baking sun of a mine site, temperatures touching and surpassing the roaring forties make for the kind of working day when the dollars deposited in your Bankwest account are more than well earned. On site, it’s all about keeping your cool when you can, dodging the rays and hunting down the shade. I’m no miner myself – just a citybased scribe who tries to keep within a few hundred yards of an aircon when summer hits Perth – but I’ve been on enough site visits to know that that kind of work hot is a tough cookie to swallow. And yet when the siren calls full time and you get to swap your flouro garb for boardies, bikinis and a bucket full of bait, the sweltering climes of Western Australia quickly become play hot, a whole new board game and one that I can’t see us ever wanting to stop embracing. So where, I hear you ask, can I go to

re-establish my love of the sun, the heat, that sensuous sticky feeling you get when a day in the rays is all play and no work and practice extracting some big game from the sea at the same time? And since I’m done desecrating the earth for the time being, where can I also feed my need to be green? Well, mate, I offer you Eco Beach – a miraculous slice of paradise hidden away in the Kimberley bush. I’ve been there, I’ve done it, I’ve not worn the T-shirt because I was sunbathing (although I could have done as they sell nice ones in the little shop), and I’ve come home bronzed and relaxed – and I’m still struggling to take in that such an oasis exists. The literature puts Eco Beach’s addy as Broome, which is almost right. Yes, you fly into that dusty northern town with its much loved easy-going, beach-based culture to get there, but it’s no short hop in a taxi to get to your bed and first icy cold schooner. The key, you see, is that Eco Beach is a true wilderness retreat. It’s the dream realised of an inspirational chap by the name of Karl Plunkett who, legend has it, spotted the beautiful beaches it sits on while on a fishing trip in the mid 1990s. While the likes of me would have

text: Jude Jones photos: Steve Lloyd Smith

done nothing more than pull an esky onto the white sand and sip a glass of classic white while taking in one of nature’s great achievements, Karl saw a chance to bring to this ancient Aboriginal land a place where you and me could truly enjoy the Robinson Crusoe experience. The key was to bring acommodation that was perfectly in tune with the land it sat on, working alongside it, quietly settling into the area without leaving the kind of devasting footprint that has the local wildlife – and local people - running scared. He started simply, with pretty little cabins and the world marveled at his green credentials, handing him many an eco award. And then, when a big old cyclone hit in 2000 – the biggest in living memory as bad luck would have it - rather than pack up and go home, Karl took the storm as a portent to go ever onwards and upwards. Despite the fact that the first Eco Beach was effectively flattened, the builder from the Isle of Man added even more luxury and soon the wonder that is Eco Beach today was born. Today it sits as the jewel in the crown of WA’s eco-tourism, the height of luxury mostly powered by the sun, a new addition to an old land that has been



travel - gone fishing suited to cruising in Cottesloe than careering through the bush. Still, the amiable site manager who towed us free as amused bar staff looked on assured me I wasn’t the first and wouldn’t be the last to misjudge where they could take their two-wheel-drive sedan. The brief drama did, however, make my first take of our villa all the more stupendous. Accommodation at Eco Beach varies from rugged but stylishly bespoke tents through to the grand beachhouse where I’m guessing a certain Miranda Kerr probably stayed when she brought her famous curves to the resort. We were in an ocean view Eco Villa and it welcomed us like an old friend. At once both luxurious and simple, it had all the trappings of the best hotel suite you’ll stay in. Through the door into the main living area, a kitchen area and the biggest, most comfortable sofa you’ll ever stretch out on. There’s a dining table too and, outside, two Emmanuel wicker chairs that suck you into their comforting grasp as you drink in the stunning seascape or bush views. The bedroom boasted a sprawling king size bed, tastefully bedecked in royal green pillows and crisp white linen. Through to a bathroom with shower (complete with non-chemical shower gel and shampoo) and a glorious view of the bush. All this, of course, bathed in the oh-so-welcome cool of a super-efficient aircon system, powered entirely by the sun’s rays. The perfect base then – so let playtime begin. Boardwalks knit the resort together, cool brown tentacles spanning its sprawling luxury. Our villa was two minutes along one from Jack’s Bar which sits quietly as the centerpiece of Eco Beach. An infinity pool overlooks the beach, incredibly comfortable loungers lining its inner edge. The bar itself is stylish, offering light lunches that would make a Melbourne hipster’s mouth water and all the quality wines, beers and spirits you could ask for. The staff were all polite, friendly and inclusive, happy to chat with you at the bar on their night off, quietly dealing with any whim from breakfast – perfect English bacon and eggs to set you up for the day – to dinner where top quality dishes are served in the balmy candlelight of the WA night. It’s a short walk to the beach, a swathe of powder pink sand which looks deserted even if every Eco Beach resident decides to descend in one go. There’s even a sign entreating you to ‘Leave your inhibitions behind’. Ok then. No jocks for me. Hammocks are strung under open-sided tents, inviting you to, well, climb in and do nothing for a while. And that’s my suggestion for day one of your stay at the resort – lie by the pool with a book and a beer, on the beach with the gentle surf singing you a lullaby, perhaps planning a fishing trip with Kurt, the resident expert. There were plenty of takers for his expertise, with little groups setting off with an esky and rods, intent on nabbing themselves a giant catch. If you are lucky enough to pick up a giant trevally or two, the resort

OCEAN LIFE: The seas around Eco Beach are teeming with life, including whales migrating in season as well as dugongs, dolphins and big game fish.

encourages you to release back into the sea any fish you can’t eat in one sitting – it’s green DNA is never far from the surface. Never fear – there’s always time enough to be snapped with your shining fish though, just to prove you really did snare a big ‘un. The only interruption in your Kimberley idyll may be the odd helicopter charter dropping off a new guest who’s decided to swap an hour or so on the road for 10 minutes in a whirlybird from Broome. Take the time to become friends again with the heat and the sun, revel in the luxury and recharge those jaded batteries – if you’re there for two or three days there’s plenty of time to enjoy everything else Eco Beach has to offer. Day two, though, you may want to explore a bit – and it’s all there if you want it. As I’ve said, fishing is served alongside the chilled chardonnay. A six-hour boat trip will take you to parts of the Indian Ocean that boast any piscine beast you’d want to pursue - sailfish, cobia, triple tail and giant trevally to name but a few. The boat will, however, also take you to Jack’s Creek if barramundi or mangrove jack is more your prey of choice for land based casting– whichever route you take though the views are staggering, lunch a dream, and the high-quality tackle and bait all you could ask for. Book a guide who will take you on a 20-minute drive to where the marine life’s biting for four hours of fun in what is possibly one of Australia’s most scenic fishing locations – you may even be lucky enough to spot an elusive dugong, once mistakenly identified as mermaids in days of yore. Other activities include bush walks, self guided or with an expert to talk you

through the hidden delights of this ancient land. Oh, and there’s a free morning yoga session, beauty treatments and the kind of massages that made my wife waft through the villa after an hour of skilled hands finding and displacing the knots built up by her day-to-day life in Perth. It’s very much then a place where you can do everything or nothing – either way you’re coming home relaxed. However you approach Eco Beach, you’ll end up friends with the heat again, eternally grateful for being reminded just how good play hot can be.

Fact box

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For full tariffs visit www.ecobeach.com.au Eco Beach are happy to offer a special ‘stay four, pay three nights’ deal based on the 2013 rates throughout the year. They also offer a fishing package at $599 per person, which includes: six hours of boat fishing, four hours of land based fishing, rod/ tackle hire throughout your stay, return transfers from Broome, and a tasty continental breakfast daily. Simply add this package to your accommodation package at the time of booking.

WIN!!! Fancy your own slice of fishing paradise? Then look out for YOUR chance to win three nights accommodation in an Ocean Front Eco Villa, with one day’s boat fishing for two and one day’s land based fishing for two, valued at $2620 in the next issue of Rock Candy.


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travel - high roller

high roller Live like a

★★★★★

Got some readies burning a hole in your pocket? Hit the big time with a Christmas bonus? We’ve got the best places to flash the cash like a high roller in Phuket, Margs, California and even Rotto...


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travel - high roller

01 Thailand — The Boathouse, Phuket

Think Phuket is just the preserve of those after a bit of cheap sun, sand and vodka slushies? Think again, says Caroline Patterson. The Boathouse on Kata Beach rewrites the rule book on the Thai island’s reputation. If ever there was a place to live like you’ve just won Lotto, then The Boathouse is it. And if the fact that the resort is in Phuket makes you think twice, then forget everything you know or have heard about the Thai island. Why? Because until you have experienced this little piece of paradise on Kata Beach, you haven’t experienced the real wonders that this popular tourist hotspot has to offer. Since this was my first trip to Thailand I admit I’d fallen for the hype. I was fully expecting a constant barrage of “You buy, you buy”, “Maaaaasssssage”, “Taxi… Tuk-Tuk” and intimidatingly beautiful lady boys on every street corner. This may still be true in the tourist hellhole that is Patong, (although even on its main drag, there’s still charm to be found if that’s your sort of thing) but arriving at the Boathouse, situated on the idyllic Kata beach, all the scary stories seemed to me to be nothing more than a urban myth. Most of the ‘beachside’ hotels in Kata are in reality separated from the beach by a busy stretch of road, but The Boathouse boasts an actual beachside location with the ocean on your doorstep. So as soon as you step out of your room your feet are caressed by the soft sand of paradise itself. Sun loungers line Kata beach as far as the eye can see with multi-coloured umbrellas denoting where one resort ends and another starts. The obligatory vendors roam the beach hawking everything from sun dresses, sarongs and sunglasses, to wood carvings, hammocks and back scratchers (perfect for the after effects of an ill judged case of sunburn). Boathouse employees look after your every desire with fresh towels, drinks and food, and even sweep the beach to ensure your chosen piece of paradise remains pristine. All you need to do is simply relax and watch those more energetic beach goers enjoying parasailing or a ride on a jet ski. For me, the icing on the Kata beach and Boathouse cake lies offshore Phu Island. It sits proudly out in the ▶


travel - high roller

win

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TEMPTING: The Boathouse Wine and Grill is the perfect spot to enjoy some fine French-inspired cuisine served by the impeccably friendly staff, after a hard day lolling on the beach in front of some of the best sea views in Phuket. Opposite page: The Re Ka Ta Beach Club is right next to The Boathouse, while the spacious rooms are ready to welcome you with all mod cons.

Christmas gift vouchers available 206 Hampden Road Nedlands WA 6009 Ph: (08) 9386 2998 M: 041 135 7305

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For your chance to win four nights at The Boathouse and flights to Phuket, turn to page 11. For booking information and all the latest offers, visit www.boathousephuket.com

now thankfully limpid ocean like a beacon of tranquility, and by all accounts served as something of a saviour to the Kata community when the Boxing Day Tsunami hit back in 2004. The Boathouse suffered damage to their lower floors from the killer wave, a time which is still remembered by all who experienced it as one of the saddest days in Phuket’s history. But the staff of the Boathouse can also recall the lighter side of the devastating incident, involving the resort’s extensive wine cellar, which at the time of the tsunami was located underground. After the wave had subsided staff reported seeing locals collecting full bottles of wine which the wave had discarded on the street and beach, straight from their cellar. Takes nipping down to the bottle shop to a whole new level… Thankfully the Boathouse has since rebuilt and replenished their wine cellar, and has moved it above ground where it now takes pride of place in their award winning restaurant, The Boathouse Wine and Grill. Offering French cuisine (which, by the way, has to be tasted to be believed), and an international wine list to match, you can see why this restaurant continues to win awards year after year. And with the waves lapping outside as you enjoy a taste of heaven, you know that you will dream about this place and keep coming back every chance you get. The Boathouse Wine and Grill is also the setting for Thai cooking classes conducted under the matronly gaze of resident executive sous chef, Rattana Pholtaisong. Everyone from aspiring MasterChefs to kitchen novices (like me and my husband who frankly would burn a boiled egg), should experience this at least once. Chef Rattana gently talks you through an explanation of the staple Thai ingredients, interjecting every so often with descriptive flourishes of her love of food and Thai cuisine. It’s hard not to catch the foodie bug, and become excited about the chance to create some of Thailand’s most famous dishes with her by your side. Open to everyone - not just guests of The Boathouse - we were lucky enough to share the cooking class with two Aussie gals, who had also completed the class the day before (you can choose to attend one or two days of the class with different dishes covered on both days) and two delightful gents from Canada, who despite being forced to enroll by their wives (clever ladies), seemed to shine under the guidance of Chef Rattana. One word of warning - don’t indulge in a big breakfast before you attend these classes as you’ll need every bit of available space to eat all the delicious dishes you create, and enjoy the fabulous lunch provided by the restaurant afterwards. Located next door to the Boathouse is the Re Ka Ta Beach Club, which guests of the Boathouse have free access to and it’s open for breakfast, lunch and dinner, as well as cocktails which you can sip on as the sun sets over the Andaman Ocean. With the new infinity pool overlooking the beach and surrounded by day beds, sun loungers and a fully stocked bar on deck, the biggest decision you’ll have to make is whether to relax by the pool or on the beach, while slurping one of their delicious cocktails.

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75 Phu Island sits proudly out in the now thankfully limpid ocean like a beacon of tranquility

And if all that relaxing just isn’t enough, there is a day spa on site for you to have all those stresses just pummeled away to nought. The food offered at the Re Ka Ta Beach Club is equally delicious and, in contrast to the French cuisine at The Boathouse Wine and Grill, here you’ll find a selection of delectable seafood dishes. Now, not being a lover of seafood I was a little reluctant, but I can officially say I’m a convert. Not to be missed is their soft shell crab, scallops and the Tasmanian salmon. You’d be forgiven for thinking that because the Boathouse exerts such a magnetic pull, you’d never want to explore beyond its entrance hall. You really don’t need to, but if you fancy flashing some cash with some retail therapy then Kata also has a local shopping scene to rival that of the more popular

travel - high roller

shopping areas of Patong and Phuket Town. With a variety of little shops lining the high street, it’s just a leisurely stroll from The Boathouse to browse through souvenir shops and indulge in a foot massage (or three). But if the call of Patong is too strong then it’s only a 15 to 20min taxi ride away (approximately 400 baht). After a long day of sun bathing, eating and shopping you may need a short siesta. The Boathouse has recently undergone renovations to many of their rooms and they are now even more spacious, clean, comfortable - and reasonably priced considering their luxurious vibe. The bathrooms are huge with his n’ her sinks, a large bath and an indulgent rain shower to wash away a day of sunscreen and sand.

But it’s the little touches that make this place special. The hand weaved banana leaf creations that are left on your pillow everyday, the tin of mosquito bite soothing balm in your bathroom, the orchid flowers dotted around the room and the coffee machine with complimentary grand crus pods to satisfy even the most fussy of caffeine addicts out there. From the moment you step in the door the staff can’t do enough to make you feel welcome and will do anything they can to make your stay as comfortable and memorable as possible. The Boathouse on Kata Beach will draw you in. Resistance is futile. Just accept it. The Boathouse will steal your heart. ●▶

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– soda bread, poached eggs, bacon, you get the idea, especially after that frozen Absolut has had its way with you the night before. We had deliberately left our schedule pretty empty but thought it might be an idea to explore the area before lethargy really took hold. We had decided to check out some of the local breweries, as well as picking up a pie from Dunsborough’s bakery for lunch – something of a tradition in our family. The new Cheeky Monkey cidery and brewery was our first port of call – cool design, guys – followed by the Bootleg Brewery, with its Instagram-friendly photo opp position right next to a lake. The Eagle Bay Brewery was next, a boutique brewery run by a passionate, beer loving family. Our kind of relative, we thought. We could have carried on but I was getting bored of being the designated driver – it was my birthday weekend after all – so after the pie shop (just as good as I remembered) we scuttled back to Smith’s Beach Resort and its welcoming embrace. Walking on the beach, the ocean wind buffeting us this way and that, we fantasised about lolling on the golden sand in the summer – already planning a return visit, 24 hours in. Dinner at Lamont’s followed - marron, scallops, steak – dude food, Kate-style. There’s a nice sense of community among the villas – as if for the short time that you’re staying, you get to pretend you’re the owner of such prime real estate. We knew that there was a swimming pool too but were way too lily-livered to go for a dip in the single figure temperatures. There’s also the chance to indulge your chakras (or whatever they’re called) at the resort’s sister spa facility, just 10 minutes away. I got a husbandgenerated foot rub on the balcony instead. Bliss. Another joust with the gas fire followed as we sipped liqueurs in our palatial living room, the electronic blinds set firmly down in night time mode, locking out the howling winds outside. In the morning, on the balcony again for one last gaze out to sea, we promised ourselves we’d come back with the kids. They’d love the chance to eat barbecued fish here before just a hop, skip and a jump over the laneway to the beach. For now though, those views were ●▶ all ours, for a few hours more.

FACT BOX Visit www.smithsbeachresort.com.au for full accommodation details and options and reservations@smithsbeachresort. com.au for bookings or call +61 8 9750 1200. 1 bedroom beach shack (sleeping two) are available from $195 in low season (minimum stay two nights) to $300 in peak season (minimum five night stay applies apart from 2 bedroom beach shacks where a seven night stay applies). A four bedroom beach house like the one Gabi stayed in with her husband starts from $1000 per night in low season rising to $1800 in high season. SPECIAL OFFER: ROCK CANDY READERS WHO BOOK A STAY AT SMITH’S BEACH RESORT, AND MENTION ROCK CANDY MAGAZINE AT THE TIME OF THEIR BOOKING WILL RECEIVE A 10 PER CENT DISCOUNT OFF ADVERTISED RATES. www.eaglebaybrewing.com.au open daily, 11am to 5pm, Eagle Bay Road, Eagle Bay www.cheekymonkeybrewery.com.au open daily, 10am to 6pm, 4259 Caves Road, Margaret River www.bootlegbrewery.com.au open daily, 11am to 6pm, Puzey Road, Wilyabrup, Margaret River

!!!



80

travel - high roller

by gill pringle

04

usa — Four Seasons Resort The Biltmore, Santa Barbara, California If you want to party like a celebrity then, by all means, head for Hollywood. But, if you want to chill like a celeb, head 90 miles north of Los Angeles, taking the iconic Pacific Coast Highway to where many self-respecting celebrities keep a second home in the scenic environs of Santa Barbara. Oprah Winfrey, Drew Barrymore, Rob Lowe, Jeff Bridges, Arnold Schwarzenegger, John Cleese and Katy Perry all keep homes in this tranquil beach town, famous for its wineries and horse trails as it is for golf, water sports and fishing. One of the wealthiest communities in the US, the area has long been a favourite with scions of industry and politicians alike, favoured by Richard Nixon, Al Gore and Ronald Reagan who kept a ranch there. Swank but surprisingly casual, the near-perfect Mediterranean climate and

ocean breezes - not to mention sky-high property prices - continues to attract Tinseltown types in search of a getaway that’s far from the fray yet close enough to quickly get into LA when required. Most celebs live within a tiny exclusive Santa Barbara enclave known as Montecito, which seems to be a question of zip-code snobbery, something akin to the difference between Beverly Hills and Bel Air, meaning both are super-posh but, depending on how far your nose is up in the air, one might be considered posher. Short of receiving a personal invitation to Oprah’s US$90 million, 45-acre estate, the ultimate luxurious Santa Barbara experience has to be a stay at the Four Seasons Resort The Biltmore Santa Barbara. Built in 1927, this glorious Spanish colonial hotel was originally part of the grand

Biltmore chain. After later changing hands it was purchased in 2000 by Beanie baby billionaire Ty Warner who sunk a cool US$320 million into renovating the resort. There are many things to marvel at here including the stunning ocean views, exotic botanical gardens and lovely palm-fringed pool with underwater sound system plus twoover-sized whirlpools - fixed at 94 degrees and 104 degrees. Guests have complimentary use of the resort’s three tennis courts, croquet lawn and putting green or you might consider borrowing a beach cruiser from the spa and cycling along the scenic coastal bike path taking it all the way to chic State Street or to the pier at Stearn’s Wharf. Helmets, locks, maps and water are provided as a courtesy. Of course, the less energetic may chose to spend a day pampering at the spa or stroll along Butterfly Beach in front of the hotel.



82

FOUR SEASONS RESORT THE BILTMORE SANTA BARBARA WWW.FOURSEASONS.COM/SANTABARBARA ROOM RATES: US$375 - US$3,500.

travel - high roller

Our own room was all deep walnut wood floors appointed with handcrafted furniture and antiques echoing the 20s and 30s with a Spanish tiled bathroom. French windows opened onto a patio surrounded by lush landscaping offering additional privacy and a sense of escape. But if you’ve got $3,500 spare, then book the Ty Warner Cottage, the resort’s ‘Presidential’ equivalent. Previously the personal residence of the Biltmore’s former owner, it is elegantly decorated, featuring a master bedroom suite with fireplace and extra powder room, a large living and dining room area, as well as a butler’s pantry, office area and large private outdoor terrace accommodating up to 20 people for entertaining. The suite has shuttered bay windows overlooking the gardens and Monte Vista Lawn, and - for extra bucks - can be configured to connect two additional rooms.

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86

sport - roller derby

W

hen someone asks me about the sport I play, live and breathe, I begin to discretely scan my surroundings, assessing close-by objects and flat surfaces. After one minute, I’ve usually been asked “Do you use sticks?” (No) “Is there a ball?” (No). “So... its like a race?” (Not exactly). This is when I clear a surface and begin to assemble salt shakers, espresso cups, wine glasses or whatever else I can get my hands on, into an approximation of the oval track we skate on, positioning the ‘players’ as I begin to explain. I’ve done this many, many times and now I’m almost as good at it in French, my shaky second language since I moved to Paris last year, as I am in English. To be fair, it is a pretty strange sport. Around the time I am explaining the way we use our hips, shoulders and booty to block and hit each other, the eyes of whoever I’m speaking to light up. “So it’s pretty violent?” they say excitedly, imagining a free-for-all, maybe thinking of James Caan in Rollerball, or the televised banked-track derby from the 70’s. It’s true that the spirit and punk attitude is the same, but the modern game we play is a highly regulated, amateur sport that is taken very seriously by players and fans alike. There is no elbowing in the face or pulling hair, but don’t let that put you off. It is fast and aggressive and very, very exciting to watch. I’m currently living and playing in Paris, with the Paris Roller Girls (PRG), founded in February 2010. Since I arrived in July 2011, I’ve travelled all over Europe, playing on the All-Stars team against Belgians, Swedes, Danes, Germans and Scots, to name but a few. Although only in its second year of bouting (as it’s called) PRG is proving itself to be a serious contender on the European stage, taking on older leagues and Viking races with a certain pouty insouciance. As any visitor to Paris will tell you, the French really, really like skating. Find yourself out the front of the Louvre or the esplanade of Les Invalides on a clear evening and you will see dozens of skaters slaloming, jumping, playing roller hockey, freestyling and aggressive skating. After two years, we roller derby girls get less puzzled looks and more excited ones, as girls and guys alike approach us wanting to know more about the sport that began as a whisper and is now a loud underground buzz. When I packed up my life in Perth and moved to Europe, I had one large bag on my back and a smaller, heavier one with all my skating gear. I had caught the skating virus a year and a half earlier, and was wise enough to know that it was incurable. Australia was one of the first countries to get derby-fever after America, starting with Victoria, quickly spreading like rink-rash across the country. Perth Roller Derby was founded in 2008, and in the last 18 months their travel team has played against numerous interstate leagues and represented at The Great Southern Slam, a huge Australian-wide


Rock n’ roller: Cat (below, left) and her fast skating French friends are at the forefront of one of the most exciting sports around.

87

sport - roller derby roller derby competition held in Adelaide. I often get asked how Australian roller derby rates against Paris and the rest of Europe and I’m very proud to point to the results of the first ever Roller Derby World Cup held in Toronto in December 2011, in which Australia ranked fourth, behind the US, Canada and England, out of 16 countries. I guess Australians are a tall, athletic bunch in general and when you combine that with a large dollop of ‘have a red-hot crack at it’, from a country that produced Mad Max and Cathy Freeman, you were always going to end up with formidable opponents. One of the many beautiful things about roller derby is that there is no ‘ideal’ body type or age. Small and skinny? Perfect as a zippy jammer. Big booty? You’ll be our best weapon as a blocker. Tall and muscular? You’ll make rock-solid walls. Young players might have more endurance and agility, but older players tend to be better at strategy, and women who have raised broods of children often make great Pivots (team captains), being natural communicators and multi-taskers. Without a doubt, many first-timespectators are drawn by the girls’ attitude themselves. Players skate under an alias: provocative, subversive, punky. Think Amelia Scareheart, Paincake, Malice Springs, Lara Von Rapt. Many of us are tattooed and pierced, and wear short shorts and fishnets to skate in. But anyone who arrives at a roller derby bout expecting any saucy girl-ongirl action is very quickly set to rights. Would you take on a girl who can probably bench press your body weight, launches opponents into the crowd with her hips and can run you down on eight wheels? While the rules are strict and the players skilled, injuries do happen. In the last couple of years I’ve had concussion, a pulled groin and uncountable bruises and scrapes, and seen players downed with broken legs and arms. We players joke among ourselves that roller derby stole our lives but gave us a ▶


88

sport - roller derby better one. We also joke about the community being like ‘The Family’, except harder to leave. I truly appreciate how valuable this can be: when I first arrived in Paris I had cleverly forgotten to book accommodation. In the middle of summer. All it took was one quick Facebook message to the league and I had a couch within ten minutes. Since then, I have been made utterly welcome by the members of my new team, even those with whom I couldn’t speak to for months, before my French got past “Salut.” This kind of treatment is not isolated: wherever we travel, we are welcomed with open arms and plenty of cold beer. Despite the aggressive nature of the sport, the most competitive thing I’ve ever seen between teams off-track was a human pyramid building competition between my girls and the London Rockin’ Roller Girls at the after-party in June (and just for the record, with five tiers, we won). There is no doubt that derby is growing, and growing fast. Every player comes to derby for different reasons, but they stay for the same reason: because they love to play the coolest sport in the world. The 2012 Olympic Games reignited the debate as to whether roller derby should become an Olympic sport, and if continues to grow like it has, well, I think we could show the synchronised swimmers a thing or two.

Roller Derby how to do it Women’s Flat Track Roller Derby is a contact sport played on quad roller skates. Players wear helmets, padding and mouthguards and skate around an oval track. Each team is composed of four ‘Blockers’ , (including one ‘Pivot’ ) and one ‘Jammer’. The Blockers help their point-scoring Jammer pass as many members of the opposing team Blockers as possible. Each Blocker legally passed marks one point. Play is divided into two 30 minute periods, which is further divided into ‘jams’ which can run for a maximum of 2 minutes, with 30 seconds between each jam to re-set the play. Penalties can be Major or Minor, and include back-blocking, skating out of bounds, cutting the track and illegal use of elbows.

Knowing your Pivot from your Booty BOUT: the name of the contest SCRIMMAGE: an informal bout JAMMER: the point scorer. Wears a star on her helmet panty BLOCKER: four of each team in the pack PIVOT: the on-track captain. Wears a helmet panty with a stripe on it HELMET PANTY: a helmet cover that denotes a players position BOOTY: a well-formed booty is a mighty asset to any player SUICIDE ZONE: the sit-at-your-own-risk area next to the track just out of the curve, where players are most likely to go flying RINK RASH: an abrasion, usually on the upper thigh, from sliding in fishnet stockings FRESH MEAT: rookie players, who have not yet passed their minimum skills testing WFTDA: Women’s Flat Track Derby Association, the international governing body



90

story:

Lee Johnson Johanna Pool

photos:

sport - cavern diving

Caves, Caverns, Coronas and the real Cancun


For more information on diving the Cenotes of Mexico go to www.perthscuba.com.

91

sport - cavern diving

W

hen you think about caves and caverns in Australia you think Mt Gambier, and when you think about cave and cavern diving on the world stage, Mexico is your first port of call. So that’s where we decided to add a few days diving in the cave and cavern capital of the world - the Yucatan Peninsula in Mexico. The area is a mass of underground caves and cenotes (a crystal clear fresh water opening to a vast system of underground caverns, tunnels and chambers). These cenotes are scattered within close proximity to Cancun, the Mexican holiday and party destination famous around the world. Many of the cenotes are on private land and the owners maintain them for curious divers like us who rush to the area whenever we get the chance. After all, there are few places where you can dive in the middle of the bush and experience caves and caverns that only a few people will ever see. On first glance the cenotes look just like a very clear rock pool. The depth is very deceiving and the clarity is 100 per cent. Most of the cenotes are a mixture of predominantly fresh water mixed with a little salt water, meaning they lead to the ocean at some point. Entering the water heated to 25 degrees is very nice and the first look underwater reveals some very cool topography. These cenotes were formed thousands of years ago and had all at some stage been dry caves. Stalactites and stalagmites form huge columns and flowstones run from the roof to the base of the caverns. The natural sunlight floods the caverns with shafts of light, resembling a sky show with laser pointers moving around the caves. The difference between a cavern and a cave in diving terms is that the caverns have natural sunlight along the way. Within 60 metres of any entrance is the surface, which means you’re never really far away from an exit if you need one. However, you still need dive torches, which have the added bonus of making photographs look more spectacular if you’re the focus of the shot. There are areas that without a torch you would have no light at all. Thankfully there are guide lines which lead you to an exit or sky light. This is never going to be an issue as the guides are excellent and switched on to your needs. After moving through the chambers, marvelling at the sheer size of the stalactites and amazing rock formations within, you become used to the visibility which is probably nothing like you have experienced before. It is as close to flying as you can imagine. Some caverns even have pieces of pottery scattered around the cavern floor, left behind by ancient Mayan civilisations. Occasionally you’ll find an ominous looking sign with the Grim Reaper advising you that to go beyond that point is only for trained cave divers and that in their words “Nothing beyond this point is worth dying for.” A quick glance over the top reveals a very dark crevice which leads to an abyss of

black. As a non cave diver you can certainly understand the addiction and desire to explore further and why so many people take up cave diving as a sport. For now I’m happy to concentrate on caverns, as it has opened my eyes to a whole different side of diving – something new after 16 years of diving. As the salt water meets the fresh water in a layer, it’s like doing two different dives in one. Below the freshwater is a shimmering haze which brings visibility to a one metre blur and then above that line you can see crystal clear water as far as light can shine - it’s fantastic. You would imagine that marine life in caverns and caves would be quite scarce. But you’d be wrong. Here, in the middle of the land locked caverns are catfish, large fish and even the biggest goldfish you have ever seen (perhaps a pet flushed down the loo?). We were even lucky enough to see an eel deep inside the caverns. Cavern diving in the cenotes is available

In deep water: There are signs warning of impending danger in certain parts of Cancun’s caverns - carry on at your peril.

to anyone who is qualified as an open water diver. There is no requirement for cavern, cave or technical diving qualifications and even the scuba equipment you use can be standard kit. The guides and company we dived with, Dive Adventuras in the Rivera Maya were fantastic. They can accommodate any level of diver to take them through to cavern and cave diver certification. They are also very happy to give you many options in the type of diving you wish to experience. Some of the caverns we visited on our short stay in Mexico are the more well known in the region, including Chac Mool, Kukulkan, Garden of Eden, Taj-Ma Ha, Gran Cenote and Mayan Blue. All of them are fantastic cave dives for those who wish to go all the way into diving some of the worlds’ best caves. If you’ve ever considered freshwater caves, then Cancun is THE place to venture, and that’s why we’ll be returning to explore more in 2013.


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Gabi Mills

93

boating

B

oating has always been considered to be an expensive pastime or hobby. However, WA marine-lovers have ignored this in their droves, making the state – in particular those who live in the Pilbara – the biggest percentage of boat owners in the southern hemisphere. And while it may be true that penned boats (boats in the water) are expensive to maintain, it’s simply not true for trailer boaties (boats on trailers). So if you can see yourself in your mind’s eye standing at the helm of your own boat, jaunty sailor’s cap set at an angle, with a cold one in your free hand as you confidently navigate the coast up to

Kalbarri, then trailer boating is the smart way to boat says Maz Yahiya, Dealer Principal of All Boats and Caravans. “A boat on a trailer covered with a boat cover will not cost you one cent while it’s not being used. “Modern boats are built differently nowadays as are the motors that power them,” says Maz. “Four stroke outboards for example, which are taking over the world, are basically “bomb proof”. They start immediately and run like clockwork day after day, only needing to be serviced once a year.” So gone are the days of sitting at the boat ramp trying to start that

temperamental two stroke. Modern boating is enjoying an enormous increase in popularity, not only for those intent on fishing or skiing but also those keen on general cruising and overnight trips on the weekend. “Boating bonds families, promotes and strengthens friendships, increases confidence and self esteem,” says Maz. “Your stress will reduce, and it’s a fun and natural way to keep fit, let alone the healthy benefits of eating your fresh catch.” When venturing into the marine world for the first time it would be wise to choose your dealer wisely says Maz. “The invaluable help and advice you’ll ▶


94

boating get from a good dealership could save you headaches down the track, especially if this is your first boat purchase.” So skip the classifieds until you really know what you’re talking about and head for a dealership who’ll tailor a purchase to meet your requirements. Maz has got good advice too for those potential buyers who are unsure of what type of boat to choose. “The first thing we find out is what they want to do with a boat, by trying to get a rough idea, percentage-wise, of what they want from the boat. For example, is it fishing (20%), snorkeling (10%), skiing or wakeboarding (0%), and general cruising and sight seeing making up the rest with water overnight sessions, then we can build up a good idea of the kind of boat to recommend.” By building up a profile of the kind of usage the boat will have, Maz and his team are able to match the best vessel for each owner. “While it’s true you can do just about all of these past times with any boat, the idea is to buy a boat best suited to the majority of what it is the new owner wants to do,” he says. “Once we’ve established that, then we need to find out what vehicle they will be towing the boat with for weight reasons.” Some cars can only tow 1000kg, while other beefier models can handle up to 3500 kg. “After that we discuss what budget they have set for their boat. The only other thing we may ask is if they have any storage restrictions.” After that, as they say, it’s plain sailing. Despite all this forward planning and in depth investigation, there are some who say you’ll rarely get the boat you actually want first time around. If this is the case it’s generally because of a change of use after buying your boat. For example, you may have believed that your main use would have been skiing, wakeboarding and biscuit towing with a little fishing, snorkeling or cruising. However after a year or so you may find that you have changed your preferences from towing the water toys to more time fishing or just relaxing all weekend in one of the secluded bays at Rottnest. Refine the activities you want to get up to as this will influence, for instance, the size of motor you’ll need, or whether you need a galley (kitchen), heads (toilets) or fully decked out state room for entertaining. Work out whether comfort at speed is more important to you than stability on anchor. Most hulls have different designs which suit different needs. Some perform really well in choppy conditions others have better stability at rest while some are designed for pleasure cruising. Once you’ve honed your boating desires as much as possible without actually shelling out for your own vessel, then it’s time to take your knowledge to a dealership. Dealerships like Maz’s will be upfront about the ‘cons’ to boat ownership – not that these are insurmountable if the dream

of owning a boat is your driving desire. “Finding the time to go boating, the ‘just do it’ principal, is often the biggest impediment to boat ownership,” says Maz. “People are so busy, it can be tempting to never commit to getting the boat off the trailer.” Running costs too should not be overlooked as a necessary part of the budget. “The biggest expense related to boat ownership (after purchase price) is the annual service charge. How much will depend on motor and horse power size, but will range from $300 to $1200. Registration on the other hand is very cheap – approximately $60 per year for the trailer, and $100 for the boat.” Insurance is something to sew into costs too. “A $10,000 boat will cost around $150, while a $100,000 vessel is around $800 per year.” Once you’ve settled on the perfect boat, now it’s time to buy a motor (unless already built in) and a trailer. Yes, there’s no point having a boat stuck on the front lawn, despite this being a guaranteed way to make Ned next door fuming jealous. Again if you have picked your dealership right they will give you the best advice for your horse power, and whether it should be 2/st, 4/st, inboard or sterndrive.

Buying Second Hand It’s a no brainer – if you’re buying a boat second hand from a private vendor, there will be less guarantees than if you bought direct from a dealer. Just like a car that you might be buying off some stranger’s front drive, if you’re going to opt for a second hand boat, spend some time assessing the condition of the motor. If you don’t know what to look for, take along a boating expert mate who can spot the difference in cracks, whether they are just “crazing (cosmetic) cracks or structural. If you do not know anyone with boating experience you can always have a dealership do a “pre purchase” inspection for you. They charge between $200 to $250 for a complete inspection from trailer bearings to hull condition and motor report. Dealers value the boat, motor and trailer as separate entities – so you might like to use the same system when you’re buying secondhand. So for instance, the motor might be a write-off, but the boat might be tempting enough for you to swallow the fact the investment of buying a new motor, or a rebuilt one. Buying second hand is a good option too for those who are unsure whether boat ownership was for him or not? “Just try it buy a second hand boat,” says Maz. “If you don’t like it, you won’t lose much (if at all) when you come to on selling it, thanks to a booming second hand market.”

Are you Skipper material? It’s not enough just to be wearing a hat which says ‘Captain’. There are important skills that you’ll need as skipper, and these should be taken into consideration when you think about taking on a boat. . Check the weather and tides – if in

1doubt about any of the conditions, just don’t go. It’s not worth the risk.

. Tell somebody where you are planning

2on going, and when you intend to return

– and if your plans change, let them know. . Check over your boat before you

3leave and make sure it’s capable of

making the trip you’re planning.

. Pack all the fuel, food and water you’ll

4need in case of an emergency, even if

you’re just going across to Rotto and back. . Are you familiar with the many dangers

5which lurk beneath (ie in the water –

such as rocks, submerged obstructions), as well as the various speed limits and local laws? If not, do your homework and study local charts and guides, however GPS and sounders do make it very easy now days. . Make sure all your safety equipment is

6working and within easy reach should

you need it during an emergency.

. Make sure everybody on board knows

7what emergency equipment is available

and where it is. There’s no point having life jackets if they’re stowed in a locked box. . Check – then check again – that your boat

8isn’t overloaded. Chuck Fat Tony off if he’s responsible for a dip below the Plimsol Line.

. Make sure your marine radio works perfectly.

9 . Make sure the lifejackets fit all passengers 10on board, large and small. If you’re sailing alone or you’re a weak swimmer, wear yours. . Consider stocking some sea sickness pills

11– nobody likes a puking passenger.

. You’re in charge – so delegate jobs

12to your passengers and don’t shout

if they get their ropes in a knot.

. Final check again – make sure the

13basic mechanics are in perfect working order, especially the steering gear.


95

boating

Financing your dream boat You may be sitting on a pot of cash following some smart investments or a big work bonus – or you may need a bit of a top up from a finance company. Most dealerships like Maz’s do have in-house finance facilities (and can offer some pretty good rates, however it really does depend on your credit history and the age of the boat you are buying. Steve Sell of Yes Loans has years of experience lining up the readies for first time boat owners in WA, and is a first port of call (pun intended). “Boat loans range from $10,000 upwards – the largest we have done was for $1.1 million,” said Steve. “We’ve got a range of lenders who provide boat finance and will try to match the loan to the customer’s requirements.” Most finance companies will require a deposit on a boat purchase, unless the client has had previous good credit. “This could range from 20 per cent of the purchase price up to 50 per cent, depending on the age of the boat and the borrower’s details.” If borrowing money is the only way you’ll get your hands on a boat, then it might be best to choose a new model. “The newer the boat the easier it is to get finance,” says Steve. “That’s because there’s less likelihood of the boat breaking down and needing costly repairs. Also, the boat must be insured before the loan can settle.” Steve and his team say that getting a boat loan is just like getting a car loan – easy to arrange. “We suggest that you get a finance pre-approval before you go looking for a boat to buy,” says Steve. “That will allow you to negotiate a better deal, knowing you have your loan in the bag in advance.”

Which boat is best for you? You need to consider whether the boat you want to buy is going to be used in offshore or protected waters. If in doubt, consult a BIA (Boating Industry Association) member for advice. Be realistic about your level of boating expertise – are you a good enough sailor to justify the boat your want to buy? Are you going to keep your boat at home, in a marina, anchorage or on a trailer? This decision will impact on costs too. Have a rough go at assessing running costs, maintenance, storage as well as the equipment you’ll need and safety gear. All of the above will contribute to your overall budget - overestimate costs to be on the safe side. There will always be something which you haven’t counted on to dent a whole in your wallet.


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story:

Steve Correia photos: Steve Correia & Nathan Patterson

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off the hook

SharkBay It’s All About the Shallows

’m happy to admit that I love the hot weather. 42 degrees is just fine by me but when it dips below 24 I’m pretty much useless. I guess it’s my Mediterranean blood that has me programmed to chase the sun and the laid back lifestyle of fishing in regional WA. Especially if there’s world class fishing on your front doorstep. It was December and not nearly warm enough for me. We’d been pushing through the Perth winter, chasing stories for our TV series and we were all ready for a warm break and some big fish to kick off summer. And then I got a call from Jamie Morgan. Since he was thrust into the spotlight during the Farmer Wants A Wife series, his family’s pearl business has been inundated with tourists wanting to meet him, but deep down he’s a local boy who loves to fish.

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I’d always thought we’d done pretty well in Shark Bay in the past. “Nah,” said Jamie, “you guys were going too far. The best fishing in the Bay is in the shallow stuff. You need to let me show you how the locals do it.” This was a mighty big call. My trips to Denham in the past rarely ended in anything other than a checklist of everything we came for and a collection of jumbo fish thrown into the mix that were as unexpected as they were welcome. Schools of cobia rounding up baitfish near Dirk Hartog Island, shark macks schooling like herring, attacking everything, metre long tailor. So it’s safe to say between the shoreline leading to Cape Peron and Dirk Hartog, there’s some pretty special stuff. So this time instead of heading straight for the bright blue water, we did things

totally different by booking our first day with Ross Larard. He’s recently taken over the long time local charter Mack Attack and also has some pretty sweet chalets called Shark Bay Cottages looking out over the ocean towards Dirk (and the boat ramp). He’s also a pretty top bloke and is lucky enough to have a veteran skipper with the operation – Richie - who grew up cray fishing with his family on the Abrolhos Islands. Although their main vessel is a 30 footer than can push 40 knots. He’d also just slid a top little Oceanic Whaler into the fleet and it was this that we saw packed already as we were pulling into the carpark. After a day long drive, we were keen to put our feet up, start the barbie and get ready for a dawn kickoff the next day, but Rosco wouldn’t have any of that. Less than an hour after we’d arrived, we were ▶


off the hook heading towards Dirk Hartog Island in his new tender to a place he reckoned pink snapper would just swim right up to the boat. And although we were tired, boy, we were glad we listened to him. From Perth, it’s an easy nine hour drive to Denham without a boat, but expect a sunrise to sunset haul if you’re towing. Regardless of what I bring, the first day I always go out with the local charter just to get an idea of where the fish are currently hanging out. And you’ve got to support the locals after all. Today, it seemed every pink snapper in the Indian Ocean was schooling on Rosco’s secret reef. It was only eight metres deep and, although you couldn’t see halfway to the bottom, as soon as a few berley pieces started to descend, dozens of pink snapper just rose from the depths. Even before we’d got a lure wet, it was starting to look as if Jamie’s predictions about the shallows were spot on. It was also pretty obvious few of these pinkies were going to make the 50cm minimum length so, while

Fact box

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Watch: Steve’s new show “the Water” on West TV Channel 44 and Youtube Where: Shark Bay is 900km from Perth

I set Patto to work with a small soft plastic into the buzzing school, I dropped a massive Elevator Head from Berkley loaded with a Powerbait tail that even a 60cm snapper wouldn’t be able to get their mouth around. Just legal snapper weren’t going to keep me from wanting to fish deep instead but I figured with this many schooling snapper on the reef, there just had to be some big predators cruising the bottom, waiting for an easy meal. Little did I know just how big those predators would be. Patto and Rosco were immediately hooked up with snappers flying in all directions. Soft plastics took a good ten to 15 seconds to get nailed, baits were inside a snapper’s mouth before you could even take up the slack line. Three or four were quickly boated and released before my new Fin-Nor combo was wrenched downwards. Some quick head shakes had me calling this for a huge snapper until it took off with the sort of power that often only the sharks around here possessed. With the cameras rolling, I battled this

Big ‘un: Steve Correia with a personal best 26kg (58 pound) Cobia caught in only 8 metres of water

invisible powerhouse a couple of metres off the bottom time and time again, only to have it charge back down and tear off to the other side of the boat, leaving me trying to avoid props, hulls and several attempts to hook more snapper. This was heart attack stuff but finally it emerged from the silty green water, a massive brown shape with shoulders like a front rower. It couldn’t be a shark after all that effort could it? The massive head came closer and soon it was clear from the lack of teeth and the big white stripe that I’d hooked the cobia of a lifetime. Suddenly the pressure was really on. Every headshake felt like the jig would fall out of its enormous mouth but I kept the pressure on until Patto could lock the Bogagrips into its bottom jaw. Even at well over 190cm, Patto could hardly lift this fish over the side and soon we were looking at the biggest cobia I’d ever landed. The scales said 58 pounds and my back tended to agree as we snapped some quick photos and released it back carefully. What a way to start our trip, and the next day we were heading to the southern end of Dirk Hartog Island to try the blue water. It was a glorious morning from Steep Point to Monkey Mia with glassy seas and blue skies forecast all day. Mack Attack has two boats and skippers at their disposal and, when you’ve got conditions like these, you’ve got to take advantage in the biggest way possible. I’m talking Dirk Hartog Island. And this is no ordinary piece of land. This is Western Australia’s largest island at roughly 80km long, and the continental shelf’s blue water brings an enormous amount of marine life together in numbers seen almost nowhere else. In the past, I’d been trolling the 40s, 50s and even the 60s off the back of Dirk and south of the Steep Point cliffs but, in keeping with Jamie Morgan’s “fish the shallows” mantra (and after some debate with the skipper) we all decided to stay right near the shoreline and see what was cruising the ledges. It’s hard to fish shallow when you’re used to fishing deep. To begin with we positioned the boat right up against the breaks, which is pretty dangerous stuff unless you know the area well, and sent a variety of lures into the wash. I stuck with the Elevator Head / Powerbait combo that had served me so well the previous afternoon and let it sink. It didn’t hit the bottom on cast number two before I was hooked up again. At first I thought, “big tailor”, but I was amazed to see a medium sized giant trevally cruise into view, one of the black backs too. Every cast produced something different. Baldchin groper, pink snapper, blueline and spangled emperor, you were just spoiled and often left debating what hard charger you’d hooked.



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Steak and Garlic Prawns You can’t beat a bit of surf and turf, and Alec has recognized the double whammy these two beauties represent for men and women alike. He suggests pairing the dish with a glass of red, such as a shiraz, and thanks to the inclusion of a fair slug of garlic in the sauce, you’ll be guaranteed to stick to each other for the rest of the evening. Mostly because nobody else will want to go near your stinking breath.

Ingredients: 3 cloves of garlic, crushed or minced 7 tbsp olive oil, divided 8 to 12 medium to large raw green prawns, rinsed, peeled and de-veined, tails left intact Lettuce leaves, shredded Cucumber, sliced Feta cheese, crumbled Cherry tomatoes, halved 2 tsp balsamic vinegar 1 tsp wholegrain or Dijon vinegar 2 rib fillets, 2-1/2 cm thick salt, pepper 150 double cream

Method: Crush garlic and mix together with three tbsps of olive oil Coat prawns in the mixture and set aside in a bowl. Combine lettuce, cucumber slices, crumbled feta and tomatoes in a bowl. Mix balsamic vinegar, mustard and four tbsps of olive oil, blending well. Set aside so you can dress the salad later. Pre-heat the plate section of a barbecue to high, then reduce to medium heat. Season steaks with salt and pepper. Place steak onto barbecue. Turn only once. Once you’ve cooked it to your liking, remove the steak and allow it to sit. Meanwhile, in a hot pan fry the garlic coated prawns for 45-60 seconds. Turn them and cook for an additional 45-60 seconds. Immediately add the cream and stir. Turn the heat off and leave the prawns in the warm cream. Place each steak on a pre-heated plate. Top with half of the prawns and drizzle any remaining creamy garlic sauce over the top. Serve with salad – either dressed or undressed. You get the point…


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Flirty food try the recipe

DON’T LET THE TITLE PUT YOU OFF. PANTS OFF SALMON HAS ONLY GOT A COUPLE OF SALMON RECIPES IN IT.

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he Benny Hill-esque cover of a man with his jocks round his ankles, and a bird struggling to detach herself from a g-string should give you a clue to what the aim of this collection of seduction-based recipes is. Not that there are any guarantees in life, but Alec Bragg (good name, dude), is pretty sure if you follow his suggestions for a cosy night in around the oven, underwear will fly in all directions. His suggestions for ‘tasty and easy recipes for impressing the pants off the opposite sex’ aren’t going to win any prizes for originality. Jamie, Nigella and the rest can sleep easy that their culinary crowns will remain in place despite Alec’s best efforts. However, as an accessible collection of recipes for those seeking to offer up their beloved more than a pie with sauce, the book’s a good starting point at least. “I originally designed these recipes because bachelors wanted a cookbook designed to help them knock the socks off their dates with their cooking skills,” says Alec. He realised that there were just as many bachelorettes, even married folk, who wanted to wow their partners with some good food, and reap the rewards beyond getting the washing up done. He’s included desserts for those who have staying power, as well as a collection of entrees which he believes will set hearts a-flutter. There’s even a helpful ‘pants drop rating’ given to dishes, illustrated with a potential washing line of undies for the really successful one pot wonders.

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t’s the wee dram of gold that takes centre stage at this time of year. The authentic way to welcome in Hogmanay (that’s Scottish for New Year’s Eve), coupled with a lump of coal. You’re meant to go ‘first footing’ which is basically turning up half cut on your neighbour’s doorstep, thrusting a piece of coal into their face, thereby guaranteeing ‘good luck’ for all concerned for the forthcoming year, and usually resulting in a welcoming glass of warming Scotch. But what’s the story behind the original amber nectar – Scotch, whisky that’s made and matured in Scotland (and therefore the only one that can rightly claim the name ‘Scotch) which has as many varieties as you can imagine? The Scotch Malt Whisky Society of Australia is a thriving community of dram-loving enthusiasts, more than happy to share the secrets of this delicious brew with RC’s readers. “The reason it’s so special is that it offers such a huge and diverse array of styles and flavours,” said Andrew Derbidge, director and Cellarmaster of the NSW branch of the Scotch Malt Whisky Society. “Geographically speaking, Scotland is a relatively small country, and yet it produces such a huge range of differently styled whiskies – light, fruity, floral, smoky, spicy, peated, heavy, delicate. No matter what your preference is, there is a whisky for you.” Some might say that there are dark arts at work during the distillation process – so many variables involved in the creation of a specific Scotch come together in a magical alchemy involving water, barley, the size and shape of stills, even the wood the whisky matures in. “It’s only in the last 20 years or so that scientists have started to understand the chemistry and science behind much of this, but distillers have been at the art for centuries,” says David. If you’ve never swirled a Scotch around in a glass, you may be wondering what the big deal is. For a beginner it can be confusing – so many flavours to choose between. “Most people would suggest that a beginner start with a scotch that is light and non-challenging,” said Andrew. “It might typically be a good blend, like Johnnie Walker Black, or perhaps a soft, fragrant single malt like Glenfiddich or Glenmorangie. However, some people might prefer more bold and robust flavours, and there are plenty of whisky drinkers (including yours truly) whose first single malt was a pungent, smoky beast from Islay. “Many textbooks would suggest a beginner should work their way up to these more smoky and challenging whiskies, but it was specifically the rich, peaty, smoky, seaweedy notes of Lagavulin (a well known Islay malt) that got me excited about Scotch in the first place.”


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Gabi Mills

drink - scotch

The real

amber

nectar s


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drink - scotch If you get a taste for the good stuff, Andrew has some advice about how to start a collection of valuable top drops. “Obviously, rarity is something that always makes a whisky highly sought after. If it’s a rare, once-off release, or something that only has a limited number of bottles, then it will get snapped up quickly by enthusiasts and collectors. In other cases, some distilleries have cult followings,

and will always be sought after.” Andrew’s main tip is to stick with the distilleries that remain highly collectible and sought after – he suggests Macallan, Bowmore, Ardbeg, Highland Park, Springbank, even Dalmore these days. Look too at limited release bottlings – don’t look to buy or invest in whole casks, because the costs involved in bottling your cask and paying the excise at the end of its

Know your Speyside from your Lowlands malt

Traditionally, the Lowlands make quite light, delicate aperitif style whiskies. The Speyside region is known for two different styles of whisky: one is the grassy, floral style typified by brands like Glenfiddich and Glenlivet, while the other style is the heavily sherried whiskies, where the whisky was matured in casks that previously held sherry. These whiskies are rich, luxurious, sweet, and spicy, as typified by brands like Glenfarclas and Glendronach. The Highlands, Islands, and Campbeltown regions could mix any of the above styles, but usually with a touch more peat and with some coastal / maritime flavours added in – brands like Highland Park, Springbank and Talisker are famous for this. And, finally, you have the whiskies from Islay – these are the ones that are massively peaty, smoky, and medicinal-like.

maturation often outweigh any appreciation in the value of the cask’s contents. And what’s Andrew’s favourite Scotch? “It’s Glenfarclas, one of the last familyowned distilleries left in Scotland, consistently making rich, wonderful whiskies in the sherried, Speyside style. I never add anything to my whisky – a dram is enjoyed best when it’s neat. The only thing I add to my whisky is more whisky.”

Got a taste for the good stuff?

The Scotch Malt Whisky Society is a worldwide organisation for people who enjoy the finest single malt Scotch whisky. Founded in Edinburgh in the late 1970’s, the Aussie branch of the Society started in 2002 and delivers to Aussie whisky enthusiasts the very best of Scotland’s precious liquid gold. The Society hosts special tasting events in every capital city around Australia & New Zealand, including tasting expo nights, whisky dinners, themed tasting as well as organising the major events on the Australian whisky calendar, such as The Australian Malt Whisky Tasting Championship, and the Ultimate Whisky Tours to both Scotland and Tasmania. The Society is also a specialist, independent bottler. In fact, it’s the largest (and best) in the world, having just been awarded Independent Bottler of the Year for 2012 by Whisky Magazine. The Society goes to all of the distilleries in Scotland and procures only the very best single casks, which it then bottles for its members. There are around 100 malt distilleries operating in Scotland at present, and yet roughly only 30 or so are actually imported into Australia. The Society has access to all of the distilleries, meaning that it bottles and makes available whisky from distilleries that Aussie whisky drinkers would otherwise never get to taste and enjoy. To find out more visit www.smws.com.au


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story:

Heath Black

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health

It’s the time of year when many workers in the resources sector find themselves alone and a long way from home. Heath Black shares his experiences of loneliness and offers advice on how to conquer those darker days when the rest of the world seems to be having a high old time.

HEATH'S HELPLINE

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health I’M A BIG FAN OF SOCIAL MEDIA TO RECONNECT WITH MY FAMILY AND FRIENDS mate – it could be a stranger on the street or the guy next to you in the mess. Take the risk and tell somebody about how you feel – you’ll be surprised how much help is out there from the kindness of strangers. Also spend some time on the internet, perhaps researching how you’re feeling, and what makes you tick. It can be a useful exercise in getting to know what your triggers for depression and anxiety are. I’d also say that finding a mentor is a must. It can be anybody although an older worker is perhaps sometimes the most obvious candidate. They can help you with issues which they’ve already experience and show you ways to cope with the loneliness you may be feeling at certain times of your swing pattern. Nowadays, if I’m facing a protracted time away from home, I would break down the time period into weekly blocks to make it appear more manageable. I’m also a big fan of social media to reconnect with my family and friends. Have Facetime with your kids or your partner, go on Skype with your mates. Try not to talk about work too much, but concentrate on rebuilding relationships which become fragile after long absences. I’d also advise against falling back on alcohol – it’s a depressant after all. I tried hypnotherapy as an alternative to the grog, and it helped me with anger management issues, my fear of flying and other sources of worry. It might work for you too. I also tried cognitive behavior therapy (CBT), and that helped too, taking the edge off some of my issues. Above all, fall back on your friends for help. They should recognize when you’re struggling – it may just be that you need to have the guts to ask for their help. Sure, there are some tough guys on the minesites, who maybe would rather see the bottom of a stubby than ask for a hand, but it only takes one conversation to make all the difference.

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t this time of year, it’s possible to feel like you’re the only one in the world who’s working, pulling on the high viz gear and hanging out on their own. You’re missing family, friends and all the things which make the festive season special, all just passing you by. When I was ill, there were many, many days I spent on my own, dwelling on indiscretions and things which had happened. It’s fair to say I didn’t handle things very well. I was effectively living away from my family from the age of 17, without much support to help me. I was too proud as a male to ask for help, so would drink on my own, hoping to remove myself from the reality of my lonely situation. Back then there just weren’t enough resources to help young kids like me cope with the sudden change in living arrangements. I was living away from home, with no boundaries, and the ego and bravado that having too much money in my pocket brings. In some ways what I went through must be similar to the experiences of young miners – suddenly earing $2 to $3,000 dollars a week. Yes, they’ll feel good about themselves, but they are also too young to anticipate the pitfalls. I realised far too late how this kind of behavior was affecting me. I went 13 years behaving in a destructive way, reacting against the loneliness I felt, and it wasn’t until I was 30 that I realised I needed help. In fact, it took the words of a judge to snap me out of it – I’d already used up my fourth and fifth chances, and this was the moment where it all changed for me. So if you’re feeling isolated or overcome with loneliness, here’s my advice. Confide and communicate – that’s the key. You don’t even have to confide in a

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As Heath has identified loneliness can be very unpleasant and have a host of flow on impacts such as depression, substance misuse and uncontrolled anger. So before we can “fix” loneliness, it helps to know what it is and why it occurs. Loneliness is an unpleasant feeling that comes from being socially disconnected from others around us. This disconnection may come from our work environment, family separation or just as a result of not having adequate social networks. Our ability to feel lonely is actually beneficial to us, so long as when we experience this, we do something positive to change our circumstances. Humans are social creatures and have a basic need to connect with others. When we start feeling lonely our brain is telling us that we have disconnected from others and we need to reconnect in order to survive. Unfortunately, when we start feeling lonely most of us try to shut down the feeling without identifying what’s actually wrong. When we start to ignore our feelings we then blame others, self-medicate on drugs and alcohol, get angry and/or depressed. If we ignore the feelings of loneliness for long enough we can start to cause other physical and mental health issues that can be even more difficult to manage. Loneliness can manifest itself in two forms: situational and chronic. Situational loneliness comes from the general situation we find ourselves in, like working away from home, being new to a group or traveling to another country by yourself. With situational loneliness the unpleasant feelings go away when we reconnect with people around us and usually don’t last for long. However, chronic loneliness is when the feelings of isolation and social disconnection stay with us, even when we are with our family, friends and work mates. So what can you do to manage loneliness and prevent it from stuffing up your life? There are three simple steps that can reduce the impact of loneliness and in most cases prevent it from occurring in the first place.

and what the experts say ...

DIET

Maintaining a regular healthy diet is essential for maintaining positive mental health. Diet isn’t just the food we eat but other things we consume such as alcohol, illicit drugs, prescription medication, nicotine and caffeine. Minimising your intake of junk food and toxins will give you greater capacity to manage any feelings of loneliness. Think about the times when you are lonely and you may recall the desire to binge eat, avoid food altogether or have a few too many beers.

EXERCISE

Having a regular exercise routine is one of the best methods for addressing loneliness. In fact some studies have found exercise is just as effective as antidepressants. Just remember to not over exercise, as this can result in injuries and fatigue, setting you back further and making you even more isolated.

REST

Resting is not just sitting on the couch watching DVDs. Resting also includes creating social networks and maintaining current friendships. As a guy I know this can be pretty hard at times between work and everything else going on. Identify what you’re interested in and find others with the same interests. I recently went to a professional networking event and over the course of the evening I ran into a couple of guys who were into pig hunting (my favourite pastime). Low and behold, the evening was a lot more entertaining than I had expected and I now have some new hunting mates. Rest also includes taking your holidays and establishing fun hobbies. Identify past times that you can do at work, if you’re up on site, and also while you’re at home.

KEY THINGS TO REMEMBER.

Loneliness is just an early warning sign that you need to reconnect with others, and ignoring those feelings won’t make it better. Remember that you have the ability to treat and reduce your feelings of loneliness.

If you have any questions or need any advice, please shoot me an email and I’ll be glad to help. info@criticalcomponents.com.au

Joshua Hawes principal psychologist at Critical Components

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RC: What do you love about living in WA? Kim Hands: I love being outdoors, in particular because of the wide variety of environments in WA, from the Kimberley to the south west region. I’ve always loved animals and wanted to work with them since I was young, but I never thought I’d end up specifically working with toads. RC: What could you do without? KH:I really could do without winter – I try to spend all of the dry season up north to escape the cold. RC: What couldn’t you do without? KH: The Kimberley – the landscape is so extraordinary, and packed with animals you won’t find anywhere else. There’s a different light in this ancient land. Apart from that, I’d have to say I’d struggle to do without red wine and chocolate.


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hands RC: What are you most proud of? KH: I was awarded the Australian Geographic Young Conservationalist of the Year award earlier in 2012 for the work I was doing with the Stop the Toad group. We’re trying to keep cane toads out of WA and although we couldn’t stop them entering WA, we’ve concentrated on an area around Emma Gorge to keep it toad-free. I helped buid a 2km long fence; some of it burnt down and so I rebuilt it, post by post. It acts as a survey line and allows us to monitor the biodervsity. Yes, the toads are present but they haven’t had an impact as far as we can tell. RC: Where would you like to live if not in WA?

Kim Hands, 32, is the development manager for Ecocean, and until recently worked in the Kimberley for the Stop the Toad group, trying to halt the invasion of the dreaded cane toad into the state. She’s the Young Conservationalist of the Year, is the face of the Australian Geogrpaphic Society for young people, and is now concentrating on helping monitor whale sharks off the Pacific coast of WA.

KH: I’d say South America – I went to Panama when I was 17 and had a ball, just loved it, the dancing, the food. RC: Who is your hero? KH: David Attenborough, the BBC’s veteran naturalist presenter, did a talk here in Perth in August, interviewed by Ray Martin. He’s amazing. RC: Tell us something we don’t know about you. KH: I teach salsa dancing – I love it and can’t live without it. I also speak fluent Spanish. RC: What’s the last thing you think about at night? KH: I’m pretty uncomplicated – I tend to think about what I’ve got to do the next day when

I’m in the field. When I’m in the office I spend a lot of time writing proposals for government funding as we’re a not for profit organisation, and dealing with media enquiries too. RC: What one thing would make your life better? KH: A love life would be great… RC: What’s on your epitaph? KH: I’d like to think it would say people recognized that I lived life to the fullest, and that I had played a part in stopping the steady march towards species extinction.


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By Debbie Russo

search

http://thefifowife.com.au

All I want

for Christmas...

Say G’day to Debbie We’re stoked to have The FIFO Wife, aka Debbie Russo onboard here at RC as our regular rock chick columnist. She tells it how it is, from the other side of the FIFO fence - as one of those perennially waiting for a partner to come home, then go back to work just a few weeks later, literally left holding the babies. So here’s a few words from Deb herself: “Im 35 but I will forever be 26. I have three yummy boys aged 6,4 and 2 years old. I live in the country and I love it. I’ve been a FIFO wife for thirteen years now. I love it most days - note the word most - and I believe this is a lifestyle you either make it work or you dont. Its up to you. Its hard work but its worth it.” So we hope you enjoy Deb’s honest take on being a FIFO wife - insight guaranteed.

Husband is home this Christmas. It’s the first time in three years so we have done our fair share of Christmases in Novembers. I should be excited. Everyone 2012 else is, especially when they ask complete with furrowed brow ‘will he be away on Christmas Day?’ and find out that this time, he’s not. Previously on hearing that he will be ‘away’ (which by the way is incorrect - he is at work not away on a jaunt somewhere, confined to a square box for four weeks at a time, where’s the jaunting in that?) they then give me this look of pity. Which is usually followed by ‘he misses so much, doesn’t he?’ This, as you can imagine, drives me crazy - after all I didn’t say Christmas was cancelled. Now I understand that my attitude seems brusque and yes, husband has missed some moments; it happens. It’s going to happen. It happens to working mothers and fathers everywhere, but this FIFO life is the life we chose. We can’t expect his employer to shut down, fly him home and all the while pay ludicrous money so we can eat drink and be merry, can we? It’s a trade off and we’re not the first to have a husband away, missing Christmas Day, end of story. So how you handle your Christmas Day dilemma is up to you but take it from someone who’s attempted the two Christmases scenario. Once. Having Christmas on the ‘right day’ to satisfy the in-laws, the invisible rules and because the retail calendar tells us that Christmas falls on the December 25, and then holding another Christmas Day at some other point just didn’t work. It left us tired, me frazzled and lonely and the kids even more so because Daddy wasn’t there on the Big Day. The reality was it didn’t feel like Christmas Day without him. Like birthdays, no celebration feels the same without him and anyway, who says Christmas really does fall on the December 25? Some Russians celebrate on the January 7, the French over the December 24 to 26 while the Belgians are completely confused and celebrate on December 6 and 31, and again on January 1. Sanity has since told me celebrate just the

Dec

once. Bring our Christmas Day forward to a date which is convenient for us, where additional vodka Collins are consumed by me with double helpings of pavlova, and it instantly becomes Christmas. It’s the one day of the year the kids are allowed to trash the house (within reason). We then mark the ‘real’ day with frozen left overs in honour of tradition and Bob’s your uncle. Problem solved. The faux day is strategically chosen ruled by what and when we want to hold it. Not by the aunts and uncles watching the clock. Not by the in-law sulking in the corner because she wanted to spend Christmas Day with her family like every other year, and not by some enforced tradition. It’s our choice because it’s our day and we don’t have to share it with anyone else. For our family it brings an added bonus because we will be stress free; we are all nice to each other and a good time is had by all, as we eat drink and make merry. So my boys don’t care what day Christmas is celebrated on as long as Santa has shimmed his obese little self down our chimney and left them most of what is on their ridiculously long list. Actually they feel kind of rock star that Santa’s presence is requested via email invitation several weeks earlier than their less fortunate classmates. We start our advent calendar earlier than everyone else, our tree goes up in November and our Christmas lights signal to the rest of the street that Christmas is most certainly on its way. Yet of course there’s a flip side and I’ve been there, done that, while husband was serving in Afghanistan. If you find yourself alone on Christmas Day you have several options. You can either spend it alone, mired in your own misery or you could investigate whether a local charity which hands out a free Christmas feed on the Big Day needs a pair of hands to help out, to teach you (and your kids) a lesson in gratefulness, and like Scrooge’s epiphany, the true meaning of Christmas. With so many hungry mouths to feed, you won’t be alone for long. So this year my feelings are mixed about Christmas Day. I like the little tradition we have started for our family, and the day will be ours to enjoy. But whatever you do, from my family to yours have a safe and merry Christmas.


THE MONEY YOU MAKE FROM THE MINES

THE MONEY YOU MAKE FROM YOUR MONEY Financial Security Through Property

FIFO BEN KENNEDY TURNED A QUICK ONLINE SEARCH INTO A SMART PROPERTY INVESTMENT. HOW THE 22 YEAR-OLD LABORATORY OPERATOR DEVELOPED A PORTFOLIO FOR HIS FUTURE WITH INVESTOR ASSIST

Ben Kennedy has a two-on-one-off roster in the Pilbara, and rents in Highgate so he can enjoy his lifestyle when he’s at home. He recently decided to develop an investment portfolio through property with Investor Assist. He’s young and fit now to do manual work, but doesn’t want to have to do it forever, so this is a way of securing his future.

WHY WERE YOU LOOKING FOR ADVICE? I didn’t know much about property investment and felt that there was so much information out there, I thought it would be a good idea to get advice from experts. So I did some research on who could help.

WHY DID YOU CHOOSE INVESTOR ASSIST? Investor Assist were just way better. They had all the information I needed and their service is free. I was really impressed when I saw the scale of experience feeding into Investor Assist from their sister companies within the bigger Alcock Brown-Neaves Group. They did all the groundwork to understand what type of investment was right for me, talked about tax depreciation returns based on my wage, then found properties that were affordable to my circumstances and had lots of room for capital growth.

WAS IT REALLY THAT EASY? They took care of everything from start to finish so I didn’t need to do a thing. I liked that there were no surprises and nothing to worry about. And they stayed connected with me when I was up at work, so I never felt remote in the process.

SO HOW’S THE FUTURE LOOKING? I purchased an investment in Woodvale and six months in, it’s ready to go. I’m really motivated to retire at a reasonable age and I’ve realised property investment allows this. It just makes total sense to me. Unlike a lot of my mates who are spending all their money, I’m really serious about planning long-term and securing my financial future.

TO TURN THE PAGE ON YOUR FINANCIAL FUTURE, TURN THE PAGE


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5

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LET’S MAKE SMART PROPERTY INVESTMENT THE NEW FIFO CLICHÉ. There’s a whole world out there that thinks all you spend your money on is big nights and jet skis – the kind of stuff you see page after page in these mining magazines. They assume you aren’t thinking smart or long-term with your money. We assume otherwise.

A WAY TO MAKE ALL THAT MONEY, MAKE MORE MONEY The simple and smart way to secure your financial future is through developing your property investment portfolio. To see how simple, check out the 5-step diagram above.

ALL THE HARD YARDS ARE DONE FOR YOU You have very little time to organise anything when you’re back home. Even less while you’re on-site. But that’s okay, because we have a start to finish investment process that’s so simple all you’ll need to do, once we get the ball rolling, is check your emails from time to time.

NOW FOR A BIT OF BRAGGING We’re really experienced at what we do. As the investment arm of the Alcock Brown-Neaves (ABN) Group – Australia’s leading construction, property and finance company, we’ve

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INVEST SOME TIME IN US TODAY Take the next step to developing a smarter investment portfolio. Download our free eBook – Financial Security Through Property, visit investorassist.com.au or call us on 9200 7200.

Financial Security Through Property


116

who’s this, then?

story:

Gabi Mills

r Tim Turner, kitesurfer and founde to use tho Ligh l of the Red Bul Leighton Kitesurfing race

Q&A

fair winds to freo

ou th igh w.l

ww se .au om

.c on ht

eig 2l

RC: Who are you?: Tim Turner: I like to think I’m an entrepreneur with a passion for making things happen. I enjoy my sports of cycling and kiting to keep fit and to get out and stay healthy. I enjoy the WA lifestyle to the maximum having moved here nearly 20 years ago from London and have never looked back. RC: What do you do?: TT: I conceptualized the Red Bull Lighthouse to Leighton kite surfing race in 2010 and with great support from Eventscorp and Red Bull over the last couple of years, we’ve built the race into being the best kite

surfing race in the country. 110 racers now have this unique kite surfing drag race, 19 kilometres from Rotto to Leighton beach, every year, to see who is the fastest over Gage Roads on the spectacular Indian Ocean. RC: When and how did you become involved with kite surfing?: TT: It must have been around Summer 2006. I’ve always sailed yachts, windsurfed and snowboarded. Kiting looked like so much fun and it combined everything I enjoyed and at fraction of the cost of boat ownership. I went to Kite Addiction, chatted to Reg and Daniel, purchased my first kite a Cabrinha Crossbow, had a couple of

lessons and then like everyone, drank a bit of ocean water in the learning process, got up, loved it and then got better and better – with still room for improvement, especially turning around my course racing board. RC: What is it about the sport that particularly attracts you?: TT: Simply, the amount of pure fun you can have in a hour. It really hits the spot in that if you kite for an hour you are ‘doing it ‘ all the time. In contrast to an hour surfing where you might only be on a wave for a fraction of the time. It helps too that modern kites are so easy to rig up, launch and land. They are low cost


117

and if you have a breeze, as we do a lot of the time here in WA, there is no better activity in my opinion. RC: What special skills do you need to be a top kite surfer?: TT: To be good, at least in racing terms, as distinct from freestyle - that’s doing tricks - it does help to understand wind strategy and the ability to direct and sail you board tight in to the breeze, just like racing a dinghy or yacht. Overall fitness is important, so strong legs, more so than arms as your harness and body weight work so well. Core strength too, that’s pretty critical in most sports these days. You certainly improve your abs by the end of summer. The sport will become an Olympic sport in 2016 which will introduce it to a much bigger audience – do you anticipate more interest in the race as a result?: Absolutely. There is already a progression of windsurfers and yachties who are now kiting because of the *’Olympic Gold ‘ medals that can be won. For kiting to be included in the Olympics makes complete sense, it meets all the criteria for inclusive sport for developing nations. RC: Have you got plans to expand the race?: TT: Yes, in terms of continuing to invite the best kite surfers from around the world to compete in WA. It’s great for us amateur kiters to see how close we can be to the likes of Rob Douglas or Alex Caizergues who were both here in 2011, the top two fastest guys in the world over 500 metres. In terms of increasing the size of the field from 110, that’s probably the realistic, maximum field size, given the actual launching area at Rotto and running a fair start line. We trialed the race first in 2010 with 65 racers and that worked very well, so in 2011 we increased to 110. That is about the perfect fleet size, it would certainly be one of – if not the largest fleets of kite surfers racing all together in the world. RC: What would you say to somebody who’s never tried kite surfing before who may want to have a go?: TT: Grab a set of lessons with a qualified instructor and recognize that you probably wont get up and going the first time you try, but persevere its worth it. You’ll quickly get it. RC: Where can our readers catch the other major kite surfing competitions in the world?: TT: Check out the Professional Kiteboard Riders Association website, the International Kiteboarding Association website and the Kite Surf Pro World Tour Website. For more local races be sure to go to the WAKSA website. RC: If you weren’t doing this, what would you be doing?: TT: Well, on the basis that kiting generally takes place in summer and in the wind, I like to think I’d either be racing a yacht with the spinnaker up or more preferably on a luxurious power boat tucked in the bay at Narrow Neck, Rottnest Island with a cold beer and a cray fish lunch ready to go. RC: Describe the feeling when you’re kite surfing: TT: Pretty damn fine. I’ve always got a smile on my face.


MF SATA000091

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FINANCIAL BENEFITS FOR FIFO WORKERS AT AUSTIN LAKES

WA’s biggest residential land developer Nigel Satterley says now is the time for investors to take advantage of falling interest rates and high rents and start investing for the future. “Investment in property has always been a successful way to establish a basis for asset growth and to help people to achieve their financial and life goals,” Mr Satterley said. “Thousands of Australian’s are reaping the financial rewards by working in the mining and resource industry as FIFO workers. “These men and women have the opportunity to use their hard-earned income by investing in property, thus enabling them to say goodbye to FIFO sooner.” Rent in Satterley Property Group’s Austin Lakes estate in South Yunderup is now more expensive than a weekly mortgage repayment on a land-home package in the same master-planned residential development. According to the latest data from REIWA, the median rent for a property in South Yunderup is $400 a week. With home and land packages starting from $271,000, that represents a weekly mortgage repayment of $380. Mr Satterley said this gives investors an opportunity to take advantage of great buying conditions and start a cash flow positive investment property. “This is where the money received from the rent exceeds the mortgage

Start your Austin Lakes adventure from

$130,000

Austin Lakes is the brand new town beating life into the up-and-coming suburb of South Yunderup. Just 12 minutes from Mandurah and 45 minutes from Perth, Austin Lakes’ fantastic location surrounds you with everything needed for a great life – nature, shops, entertainment and endless activity. Lots range from 360m 2 to 655m 2 and there’s land now selling from $130,000 and house & land packages from $271,000.

For more information, contact Gino Monaco on 9368 9064 or visit austinlakes.com.au

.com.au

advertorial

property


119

advertorial

property repayments, giving the owner of the property extra money after the mortgage obligations have been met,” he said. “This extra money can be used to pay off your primary mortgage or everyday living expenses. “After all, what’s so bad about having an investment that earns you an income?” Alternatively, there is the option of a cash flow negative property. This is when the rental income received from a property is not enough to cover the costs of owning the property and can be deducted from the investor’s taxable income. Mr Satterley continued: “Either way, Austin Lakes provides investors with many opportunities to begin or expand their investment portfolio.” “Or if you’re a first home buyer, Austin Lakes once again ticks all the boxes. “In fact, Austin Lakes seems to be the perfect location for FIFO workers as they make up 25 percent of residents in the estate.” Twenty-five year old Scott Hill and his partner Dalarna recently made their first step on the property ladder and purchased their first block of land at Austin Lakes. The process technician, who works a two weeks on, one week off roster in the Goldfields, said choosing to build in Austin Lakes was an easy decision. “Austin Lakes seems to be a great, upcoming area for real estate and it’s also a nice semi-rural area to raise a family,” Mr Hill said. “We needed to be within a couple of hours of Perth, due to early morning drives to the airport and with close access to the freeway. This is why Austin Lakes is ideal.” Mr Satterley concurs with this view, adding that the Forrest Highway is only minutes from Austin Lakes giving FIFO workers quick access to the airport, the CBD and the South West. A great service also available to FIFO workers living in the Peel region is the Mandurah Mine Line. Available seven days a week, the Mandurah Mine Line is a mini-bus service which offers a pick-up and drop-off door-todoor operation to take workers to the airport, train, bus station or other required venues. “It is great to see a service like this accommodating the high number of FIFO workers living in the local area,” Mr Satterley said. Austin Lakes is a 3000-lot estate with abundant natural bushland and water. It’s a short distance by road from Mandurah, seven minutes to the Pinjarra shopping village, about an hour from Bunbury and 45 minutes from the Perth CBD. A feature of the Austin Lakes development, and synonymous with all Satterley estates, are the beautiful landscaped family parks, open recreational areas and essential community amenities already established while new family homes are being built. The 7000 residents at Austin Lakes will have the best of both worlds – a magnificent artificial lake inside the

residential estate and a short distance from the Peel estuary off South Yunderup Road. Features of the lake will enable families to enjoy water sports or use the boardwalks or trails to meander through the large areas of public open space, or simply picnic on the shores. Two bridges will be built across sections of the lake. “Austin Lakes will become one of the most distinctive residential estates south of Perth and a great place to live,” Mr Satterley said.

FOR SALES ENQUIRIES CONTACT AUSTIN LAKES ESTATE MANAGER GINO MONACO ON 0487 922 884 OR 9368 9064 OR EMAIL GINOM@SATTERLEY.COM.AU


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the last word by Heath Franklin

europe

G

’day! Chopper here again. Since I spoke to you last, I’ve been hooning all over the world, spreading the gospel of the Mo and generally giving things a sniff. So if you’re planning a holiday, I’ll let you in on a few cheeky handy hints: 1st Tip - on your international arrival documents, when they ask if you’ve been sentenced to 12 months or more in prison just tick the box marked ‘no’. The honesty system is a wonderful system, especially if you’re dishonest. 2nd Tip – Flights to Europe are longer than the Lord of the Rings Trilogy, so you’re going to want to be unconscious or you will definitely end up stabbing the people around you. You could watch movies on the plane, but let’s face it anything worth watching can’t be watched in public anyways, and you need a crowbar to break the TV out of the back of the seat in front of you in order to watch the your films in the airplane toilet. 3rd Tip – Time to get off your airplane trolley. Some people say to drink booze on the plane to help you sleep, but that’s a bunch of garbage. It’ll take you six bourbons just to get through the captain’s announcement, and you still haven’t taken off. This is a bad time to want to party and talk sh*t to strangers, not to mention the climbing over people and queuing up for all the whizzing you’re gonna need to do. I recommend hitting yourself in the face with a blunt object

like a duty free booze bottle, then getting the hostess to wake you up when you land 24 hours later with an ice pack and a coffee. 4rd Tip – Arrival and Customs. Now that you’re there, lie your way through passport control and get yourself a car. If you really want to engage with people from overseas, there is no better way than telling them to get f***ed from a moving vehicle. Driving is different all over Europe and the UK so you’re bound to screw it up sooner or later. Don’t stress too much which side of the road you are on and who gives way to who. Close your eyes, give it plenty of horn and high beams at all times, Safe as. 5th tip – The local law enforcement. European cops really can’t be bothered dealing with foreigners, so if you do get into trouble, whatever you do, don’t speak their language. Just shrug and keep saying the word ‘Australian’. If that fails, pretend you’re a Nazi, and they’ll give you the keys to the city. (Note: this one only works in France) My next point is important. Never tell people you speak English. They may think you are English and people in Europe hate the English. You speak Australian (which is like English but it comes out the nose). Why? Because Europeans love Aussies. We’ve earned their respect by either saving their asses or trouncing their asses in the wars (depending on where you are). So don’t let

chop

there be any confusion about being a Pom. The really amazing thing about being on that side of the world is just how old all their buildings are. They have whiskies older than most of the buildings in Australia. It’ll flip your mind. You stand out the front of some ancient stone building scratching your head. Is it a castle? A historic sight? No, it’s your hotel. Their historic sh*t is REALLY old. Unpack your bags and get amongst it. Bear in mind, when you’re over there you have two ways of doing things. 1 - Act like an obnoxious dick and get wasted every night with other Aussies in Aussie bars and wander around shouting ‘Aussie, Aussie, Aussie’; or 2 - Try and be less conspicuous and soak up the incredible sights, sounds and cuisines of a foreign culture. Option 2 is clearly for unpatriotic dicks, who have no interest in spreading Australia’s good name as loudly and enthusiastically as possible, but some people prefer to leave home behind when they holiday. Me? I like being at home, so even if I do spend a whole day on an aeroplane travelling to the other side of the world, I still like my vegemite on toast, my VB cold and Neighbours on the telly. Bon voyage, les mothertruckers!




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