Discover Your Child's Strengths

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #1: Creative Play Creative play allows freedom to explore, invent, express yourself. This is where strengths initially emerge. !

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When you watch your child in creative play, you are getting valuable insight to their strengths. Spend some time watching your child at play and ask yourself: !

- What are their interests, what are they naturally drawn to? !

- What are they naturally good at? !

- How do they socialize? !

- What kinds of activities do they pick up quickly?!

- How do they see themselves? !

- What types of vocabulary are they bringing into their play?!

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Play is positive! That’s why companies such as Google and Disney spend a good deal of time and energy making their work environments fun and creative- it allows for people to work in their strengths. !

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Tips for play: !

1- Play should not always be competitive. “Play” is different than “game” - where rules show what you can and cannot do well. !

2- Let your child figure things out for themselves. Give them time to think, evaluate, and test their ideas. It’s ok to allow them time to struggle with an idea or concept, as long as they are in a safe environment.!

3- Play should be about experimentation, exploration and innovation- not “performance.” !

4- Your child is unique. Let them find activities that they are passionate and curious about.

These may not be the activities that you think they should do. Each child is unique and has their own dreams, ideas, and interests. !

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #2: Unique Bents The Bible gives us great wisdom for parenting. One verse that parents can be encouraged by is Proverbs 22:6, “Train up a child in the way he should go, and when he is old he will not turn from it.” This verse applies to spiritual instruction, but also in knowing who your child really is. !

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Every child is gifted in something. The hardest thing a parent has to do is resist the urge to push a child toward their own interests. Too many children have grown up trying to be something they are not, just to please mom or dad. Every child has a unique bent quirk that can be a clue to strengths.!

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Start asking yourself: !

- What are my child’s preferences? Do they like outside or inside activities? Do they want to be around a lot of people, or a few close friends? !

- What activities do they enjoy?!

- What are their tendencies? Do they always roll the windows down in the car? Are they constantly smiling at people? !

- What are their personality traits? Are they adventurous? dependable? optimistic? intelligent? precise? meticulous? imaginative? trusting? !

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Tips to seeing your child’s bents: ! * Expose your child at an early age to a number of challenges, opportunities and experiences. ! * Start developing a personality profile on each of your children. Start asking questions and making observations about their strengths. ! * Observe, discern and discuss how unique each of your children are. ! * Begin to brainstorm how you can shine a light on those strengths and put them in situations where they can be successful at being who they are!

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #3: Strengths Journal !

Keep a written journal of all of the things your child’s strengths! Think about what kinds of things they do, and behaviors they have. !

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Here are some questions to get you started: !

- What makes your child express joy and happiness? !

- What things hold his attention for long periods of time? !

- What is the first thing she says in the morning and the last words at night? !

- How do they relate to other people? !

- How does he deal with problems? !

- How does she organize her thoughts and carry out tasks? !

- What interests and motivated them? !

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Tips to keeping a Strengths Journal: ! * Become familiar with your child’s personality. ! * Keep notes on your phone or tablet. ! * Take photos of your child doing activities that they are good at. Keep an album for each child. Keep these as memory joggers for you, and your child!! * Write down specifics of your observations, but try not to interpret them. Write only the facts. !

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Imagine a journal of all the ways you have been strong growing up! Empower your child to see the unique gifts that only they have! Write them down, take photos, and cherish each memory!

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #4: Family Traditions !

What is a tradition? A tradition is a behavior or action that you engage in again and again that you perform at the same time, and in the same way. They can be big or small. !

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These traditions will end up telling the story of your family. If you grew up in a household without traditions, or not such a good “story”, the good news is you can change that! And it can begin today! !

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Family traditions help a child develop relationship strengths. Relationship strengths are when you do something for, and with, another person and makes you feel proud. Family traditions are one of the first places a child will understand relationships and how to treat other people. They also strengthen family bonds by giving children opportunities for faceto-face interactions. Research has found that rituals and traditions bring comfort and security to children. For example, if you’ve recently moved to a new location, you can still have pizza night on Tuesdays or long walks on Saturday mornings. !

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Think about the following things: !

- Do you have bedtime rituals? !

- How do you celebrate birthdays? !

- Do you have special family traditions around holidays (i.e. Thanksgiving at Grandma’s house, or Christmas morning)!

- Do you have family dinners together? In a busy world, this simple tradition of sitting down as a family is even more important than ever before! !

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Tips: ! * Find a purpose and make it personal. Why are we creating this tradition? ! * Incorporate traditions from your own childhood, AND create new ones!! * Don’t go overboard. Take it slow! !

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Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

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Tip #5: Listen !

I have Focus in my Top 5. That means I can focus on something intently and not be easily distracted. This sometimes poses a problem. I realized this when my daughter Katy told me, “Mom, you have to listen with your eyes and not just your ears.” !

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That’s a good point, and probably my best tip for parents. Look at your children when they are talking to you. !

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Think about the following things: !

- Encourage your child to talk. !

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Tips: ! * Don’t ask Yes or No questions. Ask open-ended questions.!

• Seek out evidence. ("What made you say that?”, and “Why do you say that?”)!

• Explain. ("What caused___?”)!

• Evaluate. (What are the advantages or disadvantages of___?)!

• Describe. ("What happens when ___?”)!

• Clarify. (“What do you mean by___?” and “Will you explain more about___?”!

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* Dig deeper. Always ask follow-up questions.! * There is power in silence. After you are comfortable asking questions, get comfortable waiting for an answer. ! * Don’t interrupt. Let your child say all that needs to be said. !

If you learn how to listen now, you will have a much better relationship with your children as they grow up. Let them know you are a safe person to talk to! !

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And don’t forget: Listen with your eyes, not just your ears! ! !

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #6: Telling Their Story !

My children don’t care that I walked to school in the snow.. up hill.. both ways. They don’t even care that when I was a kid my phone was stuck to the wall..and it ONLY made phone calls. To discover your child’s strengths, you need to listen to their unique experiences, in the world THEY live in. !

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I really wanted my girls to go into musical theater, like I did. I wanted to sit in shows again, and be a part of an audience, and watch them shine! But that’s not what they wanted. Macy wanted to play the piano, and Katy wanted to be behind a camera. !

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Sometimes kids forgo their own passions in order to please their parents. Think about when you were a kid. Is there something that you really wanted to try, and never did? Go try it!

And let your child try to follow their dreams, too! !

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Think about the following tips: ! * Encourage your child to find their own passions. ! * Ask them, regularly, what their preferences are on things. ! * Accept those preferences- think of it as a whole new adventure to go on! ! * Remember: Your child is not a miniature version of you! They are unique, wonderfully made, and vibrant! Celebrate them! ! * Let your child participate in different things and activities. !

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Give your child the opportunity to try to follow their heart, rather than your expectations.

Easier said than done- but well worth it when your child becomes all that they can be because you gave them the wings to do so! !

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip! #7: Don’t Compare “You love her more!” “You always pick his side!”

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“He’s your favorite.”!

Ever heard those words?! As a parent, we all hear those at least once..sometimes once a day! !

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There is nothing more defeating to a child than to be constantly compared to his or her “perfect” sibling..at least that’s what they think! !

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In order to truly discover our children’s strengths, we- as parents- need to come to terms with the fact that each child is unique and different. They have been given different gifts and abilities. No talent is “better” than another. They are different. !

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Audre Lorde once said, “It is not our differences that divide us. It is our inability to recognize, accept and celebrate those differences.” !

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Tips on helping to celebrate the differences in your children: ! * All children have talents that make them shine! They may not be what you would have chosen, but it’s important to see the positive side of each individual child. ! * Don’t get caught up in what your friends think is important. This is the life of YOUR child.

Let them be who they are! ! * Find qualities that you love about each child and TELL THEM! Write notes, keep a diary, send a text message- just let them know that you think they are special..and WHY!! * Help your children discover what they have in common with each other. Build family activities around those things.! * Find different activities that each child is passionate about. Then participate in those activities with them!

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !

8 ! Tips to Discovering Your Child’s Strengths!

! Tip #8: Give Choices !

Giving children choices fosters responsibility. !

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CHORES: Chores are not always fun. They are almost never fun. But they create a sense of family. Keeping the house clean and picking up the yard involves effort and teamwork. !

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* Involve your children with the establishment of chores. In our house we did chores one of two ways: 1- We made a list of all the weekly chores that need to be done. Each child took turns selecting the ones they wanted to do. 2- I would say something like, “Today, we need to do the laundry, vacuum, and clean out the frig. Where do you want to start?

This accomplished a few things- a) the weekly chore list was completed, b) the girls were much happier doing things they chose.! * Establish the quality standards up front. I used to take pictures of what a “clean kitchen” looked like, so when my girls were little, they knew what was expected of them. !

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Tips on giving choices to young children: ! * Give limited choices. Make sure both options are ok with you before you give the choice. (i.e. “You can wear your red dress or the blue shorts set.”)! * Either/Or. “We need to leave now. Do you want to put your shoes on yourself or have me help you.”!

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Giving choice to children:!

- A feeling of control: Everyone wants to feel as if they have control over their lives. !

- Build Self-Esteem: Choice gives confidence, as well as allows children to learn from their mistakes. !

- Gives parents an insight to their strengths: Watch what choices your child makes. Note how they handle success and disappointment from these choices.

Carol Anne McGuire is a Gallup Certified Strengths Coach. She is a mother of two grown daughters and has 25 years experience in the classroom. ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! ! !