Q &A
A renowned executive coach shares insights from his new book, which aims to help leaders manifest a more purposeful life.
Interview by Karen Christensen
You are a huge proponent of ‘Intentionality.’ How do you define it, and why is it so powerful?
Intentionality is a ‘feelings-first’ approach to life and leadership that guides you to identify how you want to feel and then helps you take incremental steps towards making that a reality. In the business world, feelings have always been pushed away. As the old saying goes, ‘it’s not personal, it’s just business.’ But we are feelings-based beings, so it is simply unrealistic to think we can compartmentalize our feelings when we get to work.
The way we see the world was likely shaped when we were young, influenced by those around us and their subconscious programming. This means we could be living our lives based on subconscious drivers that we have no knowledge of — let alone control over. Without knowing what these drivers are or how to access them, it’s difficult to manage them. When we stop acting out of fear or habit, we can find a new sense of freedom and possibility. We can learn to overcome our conditioning and move towards a more intentional life.
What are the five principles of Intentionality?
There are five key intentions that help us connect to what is really important and drive successful outcomes in both our personal and business lives: leverage energy over time; embrace discipline over rigidity; choose love over fear; practice presence over comparison; and lastly, the master key, which is to prioritize feelings over outcomes.
The acceptance of time as the metric for measuring success, loyalty, effort and more is a myth.
These intentions help to anchor us in the present moment and ask, ‘What could I do right now to be more present, fulfilled and productive’? Making a habit of the five intentions can help people counter their destructive patterns, abandon the coding that no longer serves them and pave their own path forward. And in my experience, leaders who embrace the five intentions have the most highperforming teams.
Why is it so important for each one of us to define what ‘winning’ means to us in life?
If you don’t define winning for yourself, you will end up measuring your success against other people’s definitions of success. We take on impressions from parents, society, school, religion and culture and we suddenly think, ‘I need to get that particular education or that kind of relationship in order to succeed in life.’
The challenge is that once people get there, they often feel unfulfilled. I see this all the time with leaders of really powerful companies in Silicon Valley that I work with. They wake up one day and realize, ‘Woah, I thought this is what I wanted, but it isn’t bringing me any joy at all.’ That’s why it’s so important to learn to say No to things that aren’t in line with your values and have the courage to choose a different path — one that truly brings you peace, love and joy rather than what you think is expected of you.
You have said, “In a day, not all time is equal.” Please unpack that for us.
How many times a day do you think about time? Too many to count, I’m sure. Time is the standard metric for how we prioritize what is important to us. It’s at the core of how we measure the history and strength of our relationships, how we attempt to structure a healthy work-life balance, and how we attempt to make meaning of our existence here on Earth. But the acceptance of time as the metric for measuring success, credibility, loyalty, effort and more is a myth. It’s a ‘negative belief loop’ that is long overdue for an override.
However, time and energy are closely connected. In the workplace, most of us are aware that there are certain times of the day when we are at our peak. For me, it’s between 10:00 and 11:00 a.m. I’ve done my morning routine, I’m energized and I’m not in a reactionary mindset. At this time of day I can handle difficult things and be
really creative, so I need to make sure this time is sacred. Then, there are other parts of the day where I’m a bit fatigued and low on energy. It’s important to understand your natural cycle so you can make sure you don’t waste your most creative, expansive times with boring admin or checking e-mails. And you definitely shouldn’t make any really important decisions when you are no longer at your peak intellectual capability.
To pursue leveraging energy over time, what practical behaviours can we implement?
One of the first things to do is perform an energy audit. Ask yourself whether a certain person or situation is giving or taking away from your energy. Once you identify these, do more of the activities that add to your energy, and see how you might be able to alter the ones that detract. Sometimes we need to do things we don’t love, but often there is a creative alternative solution.
To protect your energy, it’s important to know your capacity. First, don’t take on too much. One powerful thing you can do to assess your capacity is to examine each commitment you make through a lens as if it were happening now. Ask yourself, ‘How would I feel about this if it was happening this evening? Would I be excited about going, or would it feel draining to me?’ If you don’t have initial enthusiasm about something, don’t say yes.
Second, stop measuring capacity with time. Remember that limits to your capacity can and should be measured by how you want to spend and conserve your energy — which is to say that when you consider additional commitments, find the balance between healthy stimulation and feeling overwhelmed.
How does this mindset impact leaders?
Leaders have so much impact on other people — more than they know. If they come into a work situation with low energy and behaviours such as blaming and complaining, it rubs off on everyone else and people feel unempowered. As leaders, we always need to be checking in with ourselves and asking, am I in a positive energy state? If we’re not, we can do two things. We can improve our energy, which we have agency over. You don’t have to be in a bad mood, but if you are, you can change that it quickly through breathing exercises. Or you can postpone the meeting to another day and protect everyone from your negative energy.
The 5 Key Intentions of Intentionality
INTENTION 1: Leverage Energy over Time
• Time is the standard metric for how we prioritize what is important to us, but when we shift our focus to energy, we become more aware, more present, and are less likely to get lost in negative belief loops.
• Look at your calendar. Is there a meeting, appointment or commitment that defaults to a certain amount of time that you could shorten? Edit at least one of these events in the next week, and then schedule in a 10- or 20-minute self-care break with the time saved.
INTENTION 2: Embrace Discipline over Rigidity
• Rigidity frames things from a punitive lens, while discipline, when implemented with compassion, is an act of self-love.
• Challenge yourself to squeeze in some form of exercise this week in a time slot that you typically would have written off as wasted time. It could be going for a 15-minute walk, doing 50 push-ups or dropping into a one-minute plank.
INTENTION 3: Choose Love over Fear
• Every human being has the potential for change, and when the world offers infinite avenues for a fear-driven existence, choosing love is the ultimate path forward.
• Think of a recent event or encounter that resulted in you having a negative reaction. See if you can get to the root of what triggered you—not the act itself, but what it activated within you. This will be a core emotion like feeling unworthy, unseen, unlovable, unvalued, inadequate, insignificant, helpless or rejected.
Replace that feeling with love by walking it through the four steps of ‘emotional clearing’:
1. Become aware of the feeling;
2. Accept the feeling;
3. Experience the feeling as an energy rather than an emotion;
4. Witness the experience as a passive observer.
INTENTION 4: Practise Presence over Comparison
• The past and the future are both constantly vying for our attention, but rooting yourself in the present moment is where you can let go of comparison and wake up to your true nature.
• Try doing a breathing exercise the next time you are at a social event or in a meeting: Take three conscious breaths and exhale slowly. See how easily you can bring yourself back to the present moment.
INTENTION 5: Prioritize Feelings over Outcomes
• It’s important to have things you aspire to or reach for—but your outcomes and goals should be focused on supporting your desired feelings as this ensures long-lasting satisfaction and fulfillment.
• Think of the last time you had a big disappointment or setback. Identify what your expectations were and how you were let down. Now, identify what desired feelings you could have focused on instead of only measuring success on the intended outcome. Would those feelings have driven different behaviours on your part, or perhaps a different response to the outcome?
When we’re in those high-vibrational, energetic states, we have a significant impact on productivity. As I said earlier, humans are feeling-based beings, and if you can foster the feelings that they need to thrive, they will do anything for you.
Talk a bit about how meetings can drain our energy. Time and time again, I hear people say, ‘I don’t have a second to breathe; I’m in back-to-back meetings all day.’ Meetings are one of the stressors my clients mention most—especially because our inner monologue around them is already so dire. Even the thought of a meeting can drain us. The calendar invite comes, and we’re already sucked into the idea of how we could better be using our time.
We conduct meetings out of habit, because we’ve been programmed to equate frequency with efficiency. This couldn’t be more off base. Arthur C. Brooks’s article
“Meetings Are Miserable” in The Atlantic cited an estimate from software company Atlassian that unnecessary meetings waste US$37 billion in salary hours a year. Brooks also posits the idea that the “real problem with meetings is not lack of productivity — it’s unhappiness.” He suggests that “excessive and unproductive meetings can lower job satisfaction for several reasons,” including “increased fatigue” and “surface acting” during the gathering.
According to Brooks, surface acting consists of “faking emotions that are deemed appropriate.” It is an incredibly concerning development for the future of work. Let me just say, as someone imparting experience and advice rooted in a feelings-first approach to living and leadership, forced or fake feelings are not what you want in yourself or your team members. And if that’s where you or your team are at, what’s transpiring is likely far more performative than productive.
Many people obsess about desired outcomes in their lives. Instead, you want us to focus on desired feelings. Tell us about that.
The world has programmed us to always look ahead and focus on outcomes above all else. Everything we do in our personal and professional lives is coloured by this mindset. Once we achieve a certain goal or material object, we feel fulfilled or free or safe for a little while, but it never lasts. And that’s because what we were really seeking was a feeling — not a thing.
Multiple times I’ve spent years of my life doing something in the hope that it would lead to a particular outcome, but when I got there, I felt let down. When this happens, you should reflect on what you didn’t get in that moment. That will help you know what feeling you were truly seeking and go after that.
Social media seems like the opposite of Intentionality. Is there a way to be intentional about it?
I advise people to filter their consumption, and recognize that their belief loops are heavily influenced by social media and the digital world. The people who created these systems have implemented algorithms that create addictions to your feeds. To take back control, you must be intentional about what you allow into your energy field. Much like when we limit media intake for children, you should consider what creates negative feelings and be aware of what you’re exposing yourself to. I suggest doing a social media ‘cleanse’ and following only influencers and accounts that encourage positive thoughts and behaviours in you.
Another thing I recommend is committing to a weekly ‘cyber Sabbath.’ That means no computer, no iPad, no phone, and so on for 24 hours straight. Give your friends and family a heads-up so they don’t worry—it might just inspire them to adopt the practice, too. It’s equally important to prepare for your return to the digital world before logging back on. Choose the time when you’ll turn your phone/computer/ WiFi back on, and make sure you’re in a calm state when the time comes.
Look, life is going to throw you curveballs. Every path has challenging periods of time where we reckon with the reality that our own best-laid plans are not always what’s best for us in the end. The inertia you may feel during these times is natural — because your new direction is ripe for comparison to the illusions that likely have been in your system for quite some time. Give yourself some space and grace to ‘recode.’ Because when you leave behind the image of what your life was supposed to look like, you allow for the unlimited possibilities of what it can become.
Finnian Kelly is the author of Intentionality: A Groundbreaking Guide to Breath, Consciousness and Radical Self-Transformation (Hay House LLC, 2024). He helps organizations and individuals unlock the power of Intentionality in solving some of the world’s greatest challenges. Finnian holds a Masters of Science in Positive Psychology and Applied Coaching and degrees in entrepreneurship, maths, physics, teaching, finance and leadership. His work with individuals, organizations and underprivileged communities has been featured on National Geographic’s Undercover Angel, Business Insider, Forbes, ABC and more.