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I enlisted the help of Eddie Ephraums from Envisage Books, and so began a whole new process, involving the selection of paper type, cover materials and format, shape, font, size, and then the difficult decision of how many to print.

I wanted this book to have a Japanese style binding that shows the thread on the cover, and allows for a bit of colour and a feeling of a handcrafted object. We tested different paper types for the images. Smooth or textured? White or creamy? What weight of paper? So many decisions. We took our time. Choosing cover colours and thread colours was possibly the hardest part. The images are toned monochrome, so the cover had to complement them. Looking at threads I was keen for some bright colour. Orange was my choice. The words inside the book reference the bright colours at home disguising the sombre mood.

And so, having made all these decisions we finalised the InDesign document in preparation for print.

As this was to be a hand sewn book (by me), I limited the first edition to fifty copies, each to be signed and numbered.

The pages and cover were printed on an Indigo Press and trimmed to size by a commercial printer. Watching the printer in action was a very special moment after months of planning.

The thread is hand waxed using beeswax, and the sewing begins. It is a painstaking process, and at least one book is now bloodstained for ever. I chose a very simple Japanese stab binding, and then encased each book in a sleeve with an embossed title and wrap around image.

The end result leaves me with a feeling of resolution; a tribute to my father that I am proud of, and one that has allowed some new conversations in my family about a painful event.

It transpires that my memories are not completely accurate. But that doesn’t worry me; it was the making that was important.

After all, we all write our own stories.

www.carolinefraser.org