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Career Development and Wellness
The Power of Words— Words Can Create Well-being (or Harm It)
Author: Mary E. Vandenack, Vandenack Weaver LLC, 17007 Marcy Street, #3, Omaha, NE 68118.
Lawyers and Words
Lawyers earn their living by being skilled at the use of words in both written and verbal form. One of the first-year law school courses is typically legal writing. Early in legal training, lawyers are asked to convert their written advocacy into oral arguments. Lawyers are encouraged to use “plain writing” and write and speak in a way that seeks to make the complex simple. Well-written briefs followed by well-presented oral arguments can win cases; the same tools used poorly will have a different result. The intentions of a settlor are more likely to be effectuated as the result of a well-written trust document than a poorly-written one.
The Impact of Words on Others
Several years ago, I received a letter from a young woman whom I had mentored early in my career. The young woman wrote to me about several things that I said to her when I was mentoring her that she said led her to finish a particular college degree, pursue a particular career path, and achieve a significant position at an early age. I had told her that I believed in her, thought that she was intelligent and capable of pursuing the college degree she was considering, and that she would need to see obstacles as challenges to overcome.
When I read that letter, I was thrilled to realize that encouragement could have a positive effect and be remembered. On the other hand, I worried about the times that I might have been in a bad space and been negative to someone. Since then, I have made a conscious effort to give serious consideration to my use of words in all areas of my life, rather than just in legal advocacy.
Words and the Well-being of Others
We will be better off if we are in a positive relationship with those around us. In today’s world, we often dash off e-mails or make posts on social media. Writing an e-mail to someone is not a conversation and is easily misread. A Facebook post about my awful day isn’t likely to help anyone else or myself. I mostly post inspirational thoughts, about my love for coffee, events, and factual tax developments.
Most attorneys have a high volume of emails and, to get our inboxes cleared out, we sometimes review and reply to emails at a rapid pace. It is important to give as much thought to the verbiage of our emails as we do to the verbiage of our real estate agreements and trusts. At one point, my firm worked with a consultant who interviewed everyone at the firm. A key issue was that I sent off one-line emails regularly, which sometimes led recipients to believe I was terse or angry when I was just trying to clear out the inbox. We worked with the consultant to develop strategies to use e-mail differently. In particular, we added more in-person conversations to discuss the language and meaning of emails.
During the pandemic, we put together an internal well-being task force. One idea that came out of the group was to ask a wise paralegal to send out “Words of Wisdom” every Wednesday. It became so popular that others volunteered to add “Monday Inspiration” and “Friday Well Wishes for the Weekend.” The simple use of words to encourage each other and build our team has had an incredibly powerful effect. Creating a positive environment has built a bond that we haven’t had before at our law firm.
Words and Self Well-being
Have you ever listened to what you say to yourself? Have you ever caught yourself saying anything to yourself such as “I’m just no good at this,” “Wow, that was stupid,” or “Why can’t I figure this out?”
Being intentional about what we say to ourselves can significantly improve our own well-being. To accomplish that, you first have to listen to your self-messaging. When I started doing that, I identified a voice that I started calling “The Incessant Internal Critic.” I realized that my internal critic was pretty harsh. Once you become aware of self-messaging, you can start to make simple changes in what you say to yourself. For example, instead of saying “This project is just too hard, and I am going to have an awful day trying to get through it”, try “I have a very challenging project today. I’m grateful to have some background and great support.” Instead of saying “How could I have missed that,” try “I notice that I have a challenge to work on.”
We are trained in the use of the word. We can use our skills to improve our well-being by improving our relationships and changing the way we message to ourselves.
Published in Probate & Property, Volume 37, No 1 © 2023 by the American Bar Association. Reproduced with permission. All rights reserved. This information or any portion thereof may not be copied or disseminated in any form or by any means or stored in an electronic database or retrieval system without the express written consent of the American Bar Association.
