Perfect Pairings

By Jo Ann Engelhardt and Toni Ann Kruse

Jo Ann Engelhardt is a Managing Director of Bessemer Trust and a member of the Board of Governors of the ABA and the Board of Directors of the ABF. Toni Ann Kruse is a partner in the Private Client Group of McDermott Will & Emery LLP in New York and immediate former chair of the Charitable Group of RPTE.

The Single Biggest Problem in communication is the illusion that it has taken place. —George Bernard Shaw

Shaw was a cynic, but he has a point: We believe we’re communicating, but often we can’t get through to you, and you’re not making sense to us. As lawyers, we understand the value of clear, effective communication in our practices; the challenge is how to have meaningful conversations about the crucial topic of personal development. Whether we want to be the next chair of the Section, be better at balancing work and home demands, share our insights with a new generation, or develop strong new business ties, we need great communication.

That’s where the Section’s Leadership and Mentoring program comes in. The Leadership and Mentoring Committee has developed a mentoring program with a mission to cultivate in Section members exemplary skills that can be applied across diverse professional and social domains as well as at multiple levels within the Section. We seek to develop leaders through mentoring and training. The Section believes mentoring is critical to guiding and developing future leaders within the Section and helping Members develop their own practice. The program is open to all interested Section Members, and our participants have found the program tremendously rewarding.

In 2017, its inaugural year, the Leadership and Mentoring Committee sought to understand the qualities common to effective practitioners. Where better to look than to the former chairs of our Section? We interviewed over a dozen former chairs to understand what they have learned over the years, both in the Section and in their professional lives, across both Divisions. Their answers were illuminating and provided a roadmap to anyone who wishes to develop essential skills. The responses were collected in a summary that is posted on the Section website. The chairs answered questions including “What roles did you play in the Section that particularly prepared you for serving as a leader?” and were candid in commenting on “What happened along the path to leadership that you did not expect?” We also considered how other Sections across the ABA structured their mentorship programs and borrowed what we thought would make our program better.

Since the first mentoring class in the 2019–2020 Bar year, the program has had on average 14 mentor-mentee pairings, with some pairings continuing for a second year at a mentee’s request. Mentors and mentees don’t have a set curriculum, but they are provided with tools: a one-page guide, “Steps for a Successful Mentoring Relationship,” and a second one-page guide, “Keys to Successful Mentoring,” which offer specific action steps to take during the relationship. An additional document, “Reflections on Effective Mentoring Relationships,” is a brief compilation of observations by Section leaders at various levels and different practice settings. All of these documents are also available on the Section’s website. Each bar year, we seek a diverse class of mentees and mentors to ensure that the Section’s goals of diversity, equity, and inclusion not only are being honored but are being advanced. Mentorship is particularly important in working towards solving the endemic retention issues for women and diverse lawyers, and we aim to be part of that solution.

Although each mentoring relationship is unique, the relationships have certain common features. One is a regular schedule of meetings, whether in person, by phone, or via Zoom, so that both parties treat their work as just as important as their professional jobs. Another is the mentor’s ability to listen actively and communicate insights and recommendations that will complement the mentee’s current position and experience as well as his or her aspirations. If the pair can earn each other’s respect, if they can develop an understanding of what the mentee needs from the relationship, and if the mentor expresses empathy but is also candid, the pair will build trust—the foundation of any successful relationship. Then, the real communication begins. To set the pairs up for success right from the start, the following short but effective “Steps for a Successful Mentoring Relationship” is provided:

Steps for a Successful Mentoring Relationship

Every mentoring relationship is unique, but we ask that you take the following steps to get your mentoring relationship off to a good start:

Mentors

1. Set and hold a call with your mentee within 10 days of your appointment.

2. During the call, set two or three goals you will work towards for the first six months, ideally to include these general topics:

• What are the two or three main results the mentee hopes to achieve during the mentorship (e.g., attain a specific role in the Section, gain meaningful Section jobs, help define for which roles or jobs the Mentee is best suited)?

• Which goal has priority? Sketch a plan to achieve the goal.

• Who else in the Section may be helpful or needed to achieve the goal?

3. Set a mutually agreeable call or meeting schedule to ensure the mentee is making progress and stick to it.

Mentees

1. Make yourself available within reason based on your mentor’s availability.

2. Reflect on the two or three goals for the year before your first call with your mentor. Even if you’re not sure about the specifics, don’t come to the call empty-handed: Your mentor is wise but not a mind reader.

3. Be honest about your experience, time commitment, and goals—it’s not hubris to want to get ahead if you’re ready to work for it.

4. Let the Leadership and Mentoring Committee co-chairs know if the relationship is not progressing well and explain why so we can help.

When we asked attorneys who participate in the mentoring program for feedback, it was clear that having a Section mentor accelerated involvement in the Section and enabled access to all of the benefits that come with consistent participation. The benefits were also not only seen for mentees, but for mentors alike. For some Section members, the mentoring process broadened their understanding of how the Section works and helped them hone the ways the member wishes to contribute to the work of the Section. For example, several mentees received their first appointment to a Standing Committee after the mentorship relationship and have been very effective in their new roles. More seasoned Section members spent time with their mentors creatively solving workplace issues, including a transition to a solo practice, addressing family issues while changing firms, or expanding their “brand” through writing articles for this magazine or participating in an eCLE.

To gauge the effectiveness of the program overall, as well as hear what makes an individual mentoring relationship effective (or not), both mentees and mentors are asked to complete a five-question survey at the end of the relationship. We use the insights from the surveys as validation for what is working and to learn where we need improvement. Benefits of participation in the Section mentoring program were described by both mentors and mentees. Here is some direct feedback from Section mentors and mentees:

“[G]etting significant business has come as a result of mentoring . . . I have had a good number of local counsel real estate and litigation matters come my way from attorneys in [the Section] within the last 10 years in particular. The referrals grew the more I put into the relationships and organizations—in person appearances and speaking also helped raise my profile. The engagements arising through my [Section] experiences have over the years more than paid for the cost of the events over the years.”

“[W]hen someone I had relied upon at work as a mentor left the firm, I started to realize that I could build relationships with my contemporaries around the country who are active in [the Section]. Now, I had a community, but I was still unsure how to take things to the next level. Leadership in the Section seemed unattainable to me; I was unsure what my next steps should be. Having a mentoring relationship made an enormous difference. I was encouraged to take some specific steps to get more involved. I wrote an article for Probate & Property that was well received, both within the Section and at my firm. My mentor suggested a role for me, and with her endorsement I was named to a position within the Section from which I can continue to grow and develop. By mutual agreement, my mentor and I extended the relationship for a second year, which was a huge help, as I also changed firms during that time. I felt much more capable of dealing with the stresses of a new firm knowing I had a mentor in my corner who was there to listen with my best interests in mind, first and foremost.”

“[T]he mentoring relationship and Section involvement can really improve so much more than one’s Section trajectory. It was by being active in the Section and watching the leaders conduct meetings, deal with different viewpoints or difficult people, and navigate a group of volunteers with tact and effectiveness that I started to learn those skills myself, and I’ve seen it happen with others. I’m more effective with my clients, my managers, my team, and even my kid sister as a result of spending time in Section activities. . . . [T]o learn the skills that can help a practice, impress potential clients with one’s confidence and skills in interpersonal relationships, and help one earn the respect of one’s peers and one’s manager—those are some of the best reasons to get and stay involved, and the fruits of a good mentoring relationship.”

The legal profession has historically been an apprenticeship-based career, so it is no surprise that mentorship is critical to developing leaders throughout our field. Law school teaches you to understand the law but does not fully prepare you to practice law—an endeavor that can be overwhelming and complex. Mentoring relationships can help mentees better articulate their visions and meet their goals and also helps mentors build a pipeline of future talent for leadership roles in the Section and the broader field.

An article published by the Forbes Communications Council highlights:

A good mentor is someone who is motivated and energized, cares about developing others, and is willing to commit their time. At the same time, if you are a mentee, make sure to dedicate the time and energy necessary to be mentored properly. It’s most effective when there is a good match between the mentor and mentee.

Paramita Bhattacharya, What Makes a Great Mentor, and the Importance of Having One, Forbes (Feb. 24, 2020), https:// bit.ly/3rInsoB.

A mentoring relationship can bear many fruits if the personal connection is strong and is properly maintained over time. The mentor can teach his or her mentee aspects of substantive law and impart wisdom on many important aspects of the practice. In addition, a mentor may serve as a sounding board when a mentee is dealing with difficult dynamics within the mentee’s firm or when faced with important choices on the career path. Having the opportunity to hear the reason for a particular approach to solving a problem and to shadow another practitioner in leading meetings or presenting on substantive topics is invaluable. Many of what can be viewed as the “softer skills” of our practice are critical to success and can be learned only through observation and practice. Managing cases and colleagues, setting and meeting client expectations, determining how to network productively, and establishing personal marketing strategies—these are all skills that must be learned by doing and observing those we trust as they apply these skills in practice.

Starting with the 2022–2023 bar year, Leadership and Mentoring has become a part of the Standing Committee on Career Development and Wellness. This is a congenial home for Leadership and Mentoring to expand its work on the “Leadership” side of its mandate. Similarly, representatives from Leadership and Mentoring are collaborating with Section colleagues by contributing thoughtful recommendations to improve the effectiveness of the nominations process by helping to identify potential leaders earlier in their Section careers and making clear the many pathways to leadership within the Section. In these tasks, as well as in the mentoring work we do, we insist that we hear from our Chief Diversity Officer and incorporate her recommendations. We also hope to work more closely with former Section Fellows, who are a very diverse group due to the program’s mandate that 50 percent of each class of Fellows be diverse, as defined by the ABA’s Goal III.

Sharing knowledge across generations of lawyers helps our profession thrive. Especially in this new hybrid world, informal mentorship has become more difficult, making opportunities for intentional mentorship even more important. It is difficult for young lawyers to navigate who to turn to when they do not know how to approach a project or whom to ask for help. We invite members of the Section to get involved and become that person for someone else—the opportunities abound for both mentors and mentees to create strong connections, foster new leaders, and rise together.

Published in Probate & Property, Volume 37, No 1 © 2023 by the American Bar Association. Reproduced with permission. All rights reserved. This information or any portion thereof may not be copied or disseminated in any form or by any means or stored in an electronic database or retrieval system without the express written consent of the American Bar Association.