http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1973/1973_0331_A by Ravi Pall

VOTE ( o r

a b s t a i n )

TODAY NEWSPAPER OF IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION FREE!

6th M a r c h , 1973

MOONEY

* *

I S S U E No. 331

RETURNS

COLLEGE BLOCK SOUTHSIDE * * UNION *

LIMELIGHT

3 years since last confrontation with Union

Not

UNION MEETING ANGRY AT EVASIVE MOONEY

only but

also

Cockroaches and mice in refectories "We must not be complacent, but at least the situation is not as bad as it is in many parts of Kensington". That is how Dr. Levy, Chairman of the Refectory Committee, summed up the situation regarding the infestation of the kitchens by mice at Thursday's Refectory Committee meeting. T h e meeting was told that it w o u l d be necessary to spend £3,350 to disinfect the refectory areas of cockroaches a n d mice. T h i s s u m included £1.250 f o r steam cleaning a n d £1,000 PRICES TO STAY for washing d o w n walls. STABLE The committee, which T h e finance s u b - c o m last year contemplated the mittee reported that a l then cost of £2,500 as though turnover this year above their ceiling, is n o w was projected to be almost prepared to p a y this a n d d o u b l e that of last at get the kitchens p r o p e r l y £307,000, the refectories were l i k e l y to incur a loss cleaned. of the order of £9,000. It was agreed that £6,500 of C o c k r o a c h e s are a p p a r - this c o u l d be met f r o m reserves, a n d the remainder ently f a i r l y easy to get f r o m profits on wine sales, rid of, b u t tend to become w h i c h this year s h o u l d resistant to t h e poisons a m o u n t to a b o u t £4,000. B a r profits, estimated at used f a i r l y r a p i d l y , so they have to be changed at a p p r o x i m a t e l y £10,000, are to be spent o n completely frequent intervals. A p p a r refurbishing S o u t h s i d e ently M r . M o o n e y a n d h i s B a r . staff are already achieving If current trends c o n some considerable success tinue, n o price increases i n c o m b a t i n g cockroaches. w i l l be necessary before the e n d of the f i n a n c i a l year, o n 31st J u l y . It w i l l then almost certainly be necessary to raise prices since wages are expected to rise steeply i n the i n terim.

A bigger p r o b l e m arises w i t h mice. T h e r e are n o poisons w h i c h c a n be used where food is prepared, the meeting was i n f o r m e d . W i t h o u t m e n t i o n i n g the possibility of the college investing i n a few h u n d r e d V.A.T. A B S O R B E D cats. D r . L e v y drew the T h e "college bars are to meeting's attention to the absorb V . A . T . u n t i l the widespread mouse p r o b - end of J u l y , w h e n the lem i n K e n s i n g t o n . A t the situation c a n be assessed. moment, b y c o m p a r i s o n It is certain that V . A . T . w i t h other places, f C is w i l l be levied once this period is over. T h e o n l y h a r d l y affected, b u t the p r o b l e m w i t h bars at the situation w i l l have to be m o m e n t is that not enough watched carefully. O t h e r W a t n e y ' s Beer is being areas o f the college are d r u n k : the bars are o n a n agreement to d o w n 400 equally infested, i f n o t to barrels a year i n order a worse extent, i n c l u d i n g to reap the benefits o f a n halls of residence. i mprovements l o a n .

The famous Mooney cockroach as captured by a Felix photographer during the last scare in January 1970

Portrait of a Catering Manager So Victor paid one of his little visits to a Union meeting for a tete a tete with the boys and girls. It's not the first time it's happened and it won't be the last. Mooney's been a source of abuse ever since he arrived at IC many years ago and a sort of legend has evolved around this man who has done more than anything to a d d a bit of colour to the lives of all who have trodden the journey of a lifetime through the technological pathos of IC and the hallowed, mal-coloured pathways to Moonev's culinary delights—more than anything to add a bit of colour to the very media you are now investigating. In my short overstay at IC Felix has been embossed with real life photies of — t h e famous " M o o n e y hairy chip—hairier, more grotesque, than you have ever seen before, looks not unlike a spider with an enormous wooden leg or some such organ (improvise, M i k e ) " . — t h e magnificent " M o o n e y cockroach—bigger and better and more life-like than ever your wildest nightmares imagined. See how it leaps into a boiling vat of southside rice.' — t h e patented " M o o n e y scurvy s c a r e — n o w the driving force behind such superb literary genius as C a m u s ' ' T h e Outsider', Green's 'The M a n Within', Mary McCarthy's ' A charmed life', Sartre's 'Intimacy', Coulson and Richardsons' 'Chemical engineering. V o l 3', Bertrand Russet's ' W h y 'I am not a Christian' and Robin Farquharzon's ' D r o p Out', Life in London beneath the poverty line (It was the grant, doctor. I was forced to go there.)". M o o n e y ' s had all this. Often it was the only thing capable of stirring IC's senescent students from their slide rules and Coulson and Richardson, Vol 3. Every society needs a scapegoat and M o o n e y ' s been IC's since records began. Not that he's suffered from the experience. He's developed a fine art in fending off questions like some dispassionate observer. Listening to his Union meeting offerings it seemed hardly credible that he has any responsibilities towards IC catering at all. But the questions have improved too. Rob. Armitage pestered him enough to be ICU's next secretary. (Did you like those phosphorescent maroon and purple posters for Allnut and Armitage? Just watch about 800 turn up for the ents concerts on the 5th and 6th. W h o are dis band, man?) Then up pops Mike Doherty (Yes, there is a Mike Dock and he is someone else and you may have seen us . . . both of us . . . launching a joint attack of sorts in the soccer 6's on Sunday). " W h a t about the higher standard at the R C A ? " asks Mike. " O h . Y e s . There's always been this one. If it isn't R C A , it's R C M or some such like." But some such like isn't IC, Victor. Y o u never see notices like ' R C A students must not eat in this refectory before 1 p m ' in our Naafis. A n d how can you justify R C A being better because it's smaller? The only comparable refec at IC is the Union, you sav, in terms of numbers, and you're trying to close that because it's "not viable". But R C A ' s viable. But no doubt they've got a different scapegoat. continued on p a g e 2

Mr. Mooney, College Catering Manager, and D r . L e v y , C h a i r m a n of the Refectory Committee, came to the U n i o n M e e t ing o n T h u r s d a y to state their case a n d answer questions from the meeting. D r . L e v y started the meeting b y o u t l i n i n g the financial position of the refectories this year as a c o m p a r i s o n w i th last, a n d questions were then t hrow n u p from the floor. T h e m a i n grumbles were w i t h prices, o n l y a few with q u a l i t y . T h e meeting seemed to be c o m inced that prices h a d been p u t up, a n d M r . M o o n e y ' s evasive answers d i d n o t h i n g to alleviate their fears. H e c l a i m e d n o knowledge o f price disparities between and said refectories, that they a l l operated to a standard d u p l i c a t e d list w h i c h h a d been current the Ist August. since W h e n t o l d last week ( u n t i l it was taken d o w n ) there was a new price list against the o l d one w i t h price differentials he a g a i n c l a i m e d ignorance. H e c l a i m e d that p r i c e disparities occurred o n l y when cashiers got m u d dled, a n d that price " i n creases" w h i c h o c c u r r e d this w a y should be reported to h i m . H e t o l d the meeting that students must be their o w n watchdogs o n prices a n d overcharging. W h e n charged that h i s q u a l i t y and value for m o n ey was p o o r b y c o m p a r i son w i th the R o y a l College of A r t , he attempted t o shrug this off b y s i m p l y stating that they were smaller. W h i l e they dealt w i t h a b o u t three or f o u r hundred dinners at lunchtime, College B l o c k or Southside each h a d about 1200 customers. M r . Mooney's general a i m seemed to be to pass on the b l a m e and responsib i l i t y to others. P r i c e " i n creases" are the fault of cashiers overcharging, the continuance of the habit is the fault of students not c o m p l a i n i n g , a n d the fault for the b a d q u a l i t y of the food lies w i t h the refectortories h a v i n g too m a n y customers.

M a r c h 6 t h , 1973

FELIX

Page 2

even Christ's enemies see having an effect is still people.

Letters from heaven Sir, I

must find

not This

was in

state

this

lamentable from

that than

literal

found

diffiDespite

handicap, reading

the

knows crux

I do

his words,

understand.

gather

ity

'big'

about

due

sub-normality,

ter

interesting.

use

cult

did

Camp-

very largely

persistent which,

Alasdhair

letter

bell's

that

confess

his even

I letless

Christian-

about

Commun-

ism. Unfortunately, his apparent ignorance of C h r i s t i a n i t y is Univeronly typical of this sity. We are, after all, supposed to be scientists and engineers and, as such, our common approach to any 'logitopic should be one of cal' analysis of the relevant facts, but it would be optimistic to believe that one in ten of us has applied this procedure to Christianitly. Considering the magnitude of Christ's claims, it would be foolish to dismiss him without a proper examination. We must, therefore, begin by looking at the h i s t o r i c a l basis of Christianity. The possibilities open to us are: either Christ lived or he did not. An investigation of the authenticity of the Gospels, the Epistles, and the records kept by Tacitus and Josephus, the main historians of that era, should clear up that point. Assuming you then reach the conclusion that I did, i.e., he did exist, we then progress to the question, who

was he? Again two choices, either a man or 'The Son of God'. If he was a man, then on top of being a good faith healer (curing the deaf, dumb, blind and paralysed) he was a miracle (sorry —it's the only apt word) doctor healing lepers, cripples and raising the dead. He was also an ace trickster turning water to wine (concealed pipes in the floor?) walking on the water (a ford, of course) feeding the five thousand, what a whopper. He certainly fooled the Jews, they were so afraid that they crucified him (but he was under drugs, so he did not mind so much). this The alternative to all is that Christ was who he said he was, i.e. God. This way the whole bible falls into place and we do not need to make up any weird explanations. But if he was God then by ignoring him, as most do, they are gambling not with just their physical only lives but with all eternity. I, therefore, urge everyone make who reads this letter to a thorough investigation of Christ's life. Yours

praying

for

your

souls,

R. E. SLOT P.S.

—

difficulties ature

any

contact ian, I.C.

Library)

questions, me

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Christ.

He gave Jesus the status of a revolutionary, but stated that his death was "recorded in the annals of the era as that of just another troublemaker". A wild statement, and a truthless one. This "annals of the era" is a vagary, but it must be inferred he speaks of the two contemporary historians Josephus, governor of Gallilee and a Jew, and Tacitus the Historian of Imperial Rome. Neither of these refer to Christ as a troublemaker, nor to his death as that of a troublemaker. On the contrary Josephus writes: "It was at this time a man appeared, if 'man' is the right word, who had all the attributes of a man, but seemed something greater. His actions, certainly, were superhuman", and later in the same journal: "So they (the Jewish orities in Jerusalem) him and crucified him fiance of all Jewish tions." These words

Authseized in deTradiwere

written Christian.

Jew

not

The second factual error was saying "though in his time he had no effect". I presume most people are aware natof the self-contradictory ure of this statement in the context of the letter. Firstly, Christ had sufficient effect, that without ever expressing political ambitions, but simply "speaking to them concerning the Kingdom of God" (Acts 1 v 3) he was crucified, however the effects did not end here, in Israel there was widespread persecution of Christians before the year 50 A.D. Even the Romans, the greatest military power known up to that time, were afraid of Christians, because beliefs, of their revolutionary and unless Christianity had been having an effect the Roman power machine could well have afforded to ignore it. Greek thinking was turned upside down in Corinth, Athens and Thessalonica all these things taking place 300-350 years before the "polidate he cited for the tical efforts" of Christianity. The greatest of his historical mistakes was very illogically to ignore a great bulk of evidence to be found in the Bible, even anti-Christian historians. could not dare IGNORE it. I confess that the arguments used by Mr. Campbell are old, and have been used by Christ's enemies throughout history, argument which is precipitated from a high degree of illogic or selective fact-choosing suggests that

The Landsnapper Sneeze

he on

So let us dispense with myths and look at facts. If it is suggested that Christianity has been used as a political or materialistic weapon, we must realise that this is NOT the Christianity, the Good-News, which Christ preached. For example, Christ's Church is not people who just pop down the local Church once a week and then carry on living a Christless life for the rest of the week. Christ's Church is people who lived for Him, in his Jesus was not, on strength. his own admission and others, a teacher or philosopher, but God made tangible for mankind to understand, and interhe never showed much est in politics. He came to change lives and does so when we accept his death for our sins -and into our lives as ask him Lord. Many people are happy as atheists and feel perfectly they satisfied in life, they feel don't need Christ, I certainly because did, but that is only we cannot realize the changes in our lives that Christ can effect, in the words of Paul: "The unspiritual man does of the not receive the gifts Spirit of God . . . and he is not able to understand them, because they are only understood spiritually" (1 Corinthians 2:14). How can we possibly begin to know what Jesus has to say to us until we all stop ignoring the issue and face the facts as they are. I pray that all readers of this letter including Mr. Campbell will try to find out these facts, because they are the TRUE facts of life. Yours MAURICE

Christ,

Dear Sir, There has been a growing concern in recent years with the problems of drug abuse, rising crime rates, sexual perversion, and most recently depression and suicide which have permeated all elements of our society. Many groups and organisations have sought the solution to these problems, but most have experienced very little in the way of concrete results. proThere is, however, a gramme which has resulted in the dramatic transformation of purposeless, unhappylives into useful, productive, and happy people. It is known as "The Children of God". success of this proThe gramme is the result of adopting a whole new life style — one based on love, sharing, mutual co-operation and the desire to help one's fellow man—in an environment of peace and harmony where people can grow and realize their full potential as human beings. Many people have criticized this group for their revolutionary way of life, but they cannot refute the fact that it works. If you would like to this way of know more about life and the work that is being done to help our fellow men in all parts of the world I will be very happy to come to your college and meet you personally. There are also several films availthat able and I am certain such a programme would be of great interest to people like you who are concerned with the social problems of this day and age. To make arrangements a meeting or for further formation, phone me at 464 7769. I look forward from you in the hearing future. Yours

faithfully, J.

MOLONEY.

for in01to near

WORMUS.

Portrait of a Catering Manager (continued f r o m page 1) Then someone brought up (sorry) the subject of chips. Y o u want more, B O Y ! W e l l , says V i c . for 5p in the refecs you get as many as in a bag for 7p from your nearest chippy. W e l l , my nearest chippy has many more than the average Mooney portion and they aren't hairy and gangrened either and they're only 5p and that's in W.1 (urban elitist). Then Doctor Levy, featured as joint top of the b i l l — n o expense has been s p a r e d — s a y s we can always make suggestions to M r . Mooney as we meet him in our meanderings around the campus (what's a campus, d a d d y ? ) . But he didn't explain what sort of suggestions and anyway me usual meeting place is the underpass by C i v . Eng. as we approach at right angles on a collision c o u r s e — me dreaming along on first lecture and M o o n e y speeding towards college block as he commutes in from Prince's Gardens in his J a g . But don't worry, Victor. (You d o n ' t — D o you?) You're not such a bad guy, really and . . mm . . . I'm going to dinner in hall tonight . . . shit. Martin

Doughty

I S R A E L Be there for the 25th Anniversary celebrations

TOURS TRAVEL

TICKETS KIBBUTZ

Complete programme of ISTC flights, trains, ships from

HOSTS STUDENT TRAVEL SERVICE LTD. 161 GREAT P O R T L A N D S T , W 1 N 6 N N Telephone 0 1 - 5 8 0 7733

M a r c h 6 t h , 1973

FELIX

Page 3

Anger over UGM Farce " F a r c i c a l " was the reaction of leading U n i o n p o l i ticians to the conduct of last T h u r s d a y ' s U n i o n G e n eral M e e t i n g . T h e problems arose o u t o f i n q u o r a c y just after three o'clock, i m m e d i a t e ly p r i o r to t h e vote o n the G r a n t s m o t i o n , u p o n w h i c h 25 minutes' discussion h a d already taken place. T h e m o t i o n l a i d d o w n plans f o r t o m o r r o w week's ' N a t i o n a l D a y of A c t i o n ' . O n a count f o l l o w i n g the quorum challenge there was found t o be 244 members present, 56 short of the q u o r u m . Instead of c l o s i n g the meeting, P a u l J o w i t t (Deputy President) w h o was i n the chai r, a d journed it f or five minutes to give members time to go a n d collect another sixty or so people to make u p the q u o r u m . It was obvious that o n reopening the meeting i t w o u l d be inquorate. A petition c a r r y i n g the req u i r e d 130 signatures was presented t o M r . Jowitt, demanding an Extraordinary General Meeting.

a change i n the for agenda, w h i c h w o u l d have tabled the grants m o t i o n a n d a few other m i n o r motions before the hustings,, w i t h a view to ensuring q u o r a c y throughout the meeting.

Statement of the N.U.S. Executive after

W h i t e Paper Conference

meeting Mr. Norman St. John Steves on

A t the e n d of D e c e m b e r , the G o v e r n m e n t prod u c e d a n end-of-term report that they hope d m i g h t get overlooked i n the C h r i s t m a s festivities. I refer t o the e d u c a t i o n a l W h i t e P a p e r , " E d u c a t i o n — A F r a m e w o r k f o r E x p a n s i o n . " T h e i r hope w a s based on the fact that the future l o o k s pretty g l o o m y , part i c ul ar ly f o r higher education.

Following publication of the W h i t e Paper, the N U S called a n a t i o n a l one day conference to discuss it, a n d this conference was It n o w seems quite likd u l y held, here at I m p e r i a l ely that a n E G M w i l l be College, o n Saturday, F e b held on T h u r s d a y to discuss the m o t i o n a n d the ruary 24th. O n e of the larconferences others that have h a d to be gest one-day held by the N U S i n redeferred.

M r . Jowitt accepted the petition, a n d made the surprising move of opening the E x t r a o r d i n a r y Meeting straight away. T h e q u o r u m was i m m e d i ately challenged, a n d the E G M closed. M e m b e r s of the group presenting the petition told ' F e l i x ' after the meeti n g that the intention h a d been to h o l d the E G M this week, a n d that they h a d not anticipated it bei n g opened at once. T h e y M r . Jowitt's considered F o r m a l head gear f or students G l e n Sanger (left) a n d action puerile. M a l c o l m N e w m a n before the start of the n a t i o n a l A t the beginning of the 24-hour P e d a l C a r race, i n a i d of B r i s t o l R a g , at W h i t c h u r c h this afternoon. U G M a request was made

cent m e m o r y , M e c h E n g . 220 was filled w i t h 250 delegates who snored t h r o u g h seven hours of de-briefing b y N U S E x e cutive members f o l l o w i n g a wholesome Mooney l u n c h . T h e t w o hours before l u n c h h a d been spent being told by D i g b y J a c k s president of the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Students, H e n r y C l o t h e r of the N a t i o n a l U n i o n of Teachers a n d Eric Robinson, Deputy Director of the N o r t h East L o n d o n Polytechnic of the vagaries of the d o cument. The conference was united i n its opposition to the W h i t e paper, w h i c h has n o t h i n g to d o w i t h " E x p a n s i o n " b u t indeed cuts b a c k student n u m bers f r o m the G o v e r n ment's o w n inadequate 1970 figure of 835,000 to 750,000. W e cannot aff o r d to increase spending on education, so i n order to provide nursery schools some sector has to be cut back. Higher Education seems a good target for

Thursday 1st March A n N U S delegation met M r . St. J o h n to discuss the N U S grants c l a i m . ment

Stevas,

The Govern-

was neither prepared to meet the N U S

c l a i m n o r t o refuse i t . Y e t the G o v e r n m e n t was given the U n i o n ' s case four months a g o . , T h r o u g h the actions a n d decisions of this G o v e r n m e n t a n d its predecessors the standard of l i v i n g of students has been systematically eroded a n d the effect of outdated grants regulations become more

strin-

gent. T h e N U S E x e c u t i v e is therefore

calling a n a -

t i o n a l student strike f or Wednesday,

14th M a r c h

T h i s w i l l involve the boycott o r cancellation of lectures a n d the closing d o w n of as m a n y of the other

activities of colleges a n d universities

possible. P u b l i c demonstrations, leafleting, meetings etc. w i l l be organised.

P a r t i c u l a r emphasis

w i l l be l a i d o n strengthening contact w i t h a n d co-operation

from

and college-based

the trade

union

movement,

trade unions w i l l be asked f o r

their support. W e accuse the G o v e r n m e n t

of procrastinating

over o u r just c l a i m ; l a y i n g the basis f or a future situation i n w h i c h only the sons a n d daughters of the r i c h w i l l be able to enter further a n d higher e d u c a t i o n ; trying to drive a wedge between students a n d the rest of the p o p u l a t i o n .

C o n t i n u e d o n page 4

Covent G a r d e n Proms "50p. pay at the door takeyourfriends and sit on the floor!'

Thursday 12 April, 700 Aida

(Verdi)

Friday 13 April 700 Arabella

(Richard Strauss)

Saturday 14 April, 730 Cos! f a n tutte

(Mozart)

650 S t a l l s P r o m e n a d e p l a c e s a v a i l a b l e o n t h e day o f performance one hour before curtain-up. 50p e a c h , i n c l u d i n g V a l u e A d d e d T a x . S e a t s : 50p t o £3.80. (Tickets sold after 31 M a r c h w i l l be subject to the appropriate rate of VAT.)

F u r t h e r d e t a i l s : 01-240 1911 ( 2 4 - h r . Service).

Information

e in

association with

Royal

Opera

House

Midland

The Royal Opera House, Covent Garden Limited, receives financial assistance from The Arts Council Great Britain.

Bank of

FELIX

Pdge 4

President's Avid

readers of m y writings w i l l have noticed

T h i s week I

single-minded concentration on grants.

want to write about three other matters w h i c h affect students very m u c h indeed.

F u n n i l y enough a l l of

M a r c h 6 t h 1973

Piece

the choice of eating outside M o o n e y if we want to. S i m i l a r l y over h a l l rents subsidies w o u l d help those in hall but leave those i n private a c c o m m o d a t i o n in acute difficulty.

them turn out to be l i n k e d up w i t h the p r o b l e m of student

financing.

GRANTS CAMPAIGN

HALLS AND HOUSES T h e facts of rents and grants for undergraduates are as follows: B o a r d & L o d g i n g Estimates for Total Grant £ 3972/73 197374

480 500

Element 27.5 28.5

Lodging

Board 163*

112

163**

122

* M e a l s are estimated at 75p per d a y for 31

weeks.

N . B . T h i s is the College's estimate. **

A s s u m i n g no increase in refectory

priced(!)

Charges range f r o m £102 to £120 per year in the case

STRATEGY

G e t t i n g obsessed w i t h subsidies can lead to w r o n g strategy; namely, relying entirely on l o c a l m i l i t a n c y , i n a m i n o r i t y of colleges, to m a k e the G o v e r n m e n t a l l o w these colleges to subsidise h a l l and refectory accounts. T h i s strategy " g u e r i l l a struggle i n the colleges" w o u l d in fact not b u i l d the sort of mass movement, on a n a t i o n a l scale that c o u l d w i n a grants increase. It w o u l d i n effect exclude the majority of s m a l l colleges f r o m the c a m paign and w o u l d run the risk that a n u m b e r of unions w o u l d face v i c t i m i s a t i o n. Support for the unions w o u l d then be more difficult to b u i l d because of the lack of a n a t i o n a l c a m p a i g n already in existence.

of halls and f r o m £101 to £116 for houses. In a l l cases these figures include £11 (ie 35p per week) c o n t r i b u t i o n

O n the other h a n d , by l a u n c h i n g a N a t i o n a l C a m -

to the B u i l d i n g F u n d (a voluntary payment to help fin-

paign

ance the new hall).

Students w i t h the University students and students in

The actual a m o u n t p a i d is a r o u n d the national element in the grant. l . C rents arc only " l o w " because conference a n d b l o c k bookings in vacations provide so m u c h revenue. I n fact we o n l y t h i n k of them as low because L o n d o n rents are so outrageously high. N e x t week's Student Residence C o m m i t t e e (a College C o m m i t t e e w i t h student representation) w i l l receive a report on finances. T h i s w i l l indicate a l i k e ly £8,000 deficit next year and recommend economies. Student H o u ses w o u l d get what they need for redecoration (in case they fall apart) halls w o u l d get a 48 per cent cut. E v e n so the basic " e c o n o m i c " rent w o u l d be £3.65 or £124 per year (if the full 35p levy stays) is over the national element even assuming that refectory prices stay steady. G i v e n that the union is trying to catch u p w i t h the effect of past inflation we can h a r d l y be expected agree to more without a

for higher grants N . U . S . has united the

h a l l w i t h those in digs. T h e rent strikes, refectory

F.E. boy-

cotts, occupations are an i m p o r t a n t part of this nation-

STUDENT NUMBERS T h e University G r a n t s C o m m i t t e e (through w h i c h IC gets i n G o v c r m e n t money) has decided that i n the next five years o u r student numbers should increase by 25 per cent, the recurrent grant ( w hi ch pays r u n n i n g costs etc.) increasing only 11 per cent. A p p a r e n t l y more students can be c r a m m e d i n t o o u r buildings than they were built for. Worse still, what is the effect on the acc o m m o d a t i o n p r o b l e m ? 1.000 m o r e students pushing up rents in K e n s i n g t o n , br e a ki n g up the local c o m m u nity to m a k e w a y for bed-sit racketeers, or c o m m u t i n g from W i m b l e d o n , R i c h m o n d . C l a p h a m . a n d , even further. T h e G r e a t e r L o n d o n Development P l a n suggests that students should in fact be moved out of L o n d o n . T h i s m a y sound extreme but as I see it either the cxpansion must come by b u i l d i n g new colleges outside L o n d o n w i th proper a c c o m m o d a t i o n or the G o v e r n m e n t w i l l have to ban office block and l u x u r y hotel b u i l d ing in L o n d o n and supply the finance for both student a c c o m m o d a t i o n and housing for the people of L o n d o n . T o m a k e matters worse there is grave doubt about whether the new hall w i l l in fact be built. T h e " b r i g h t e r " side is that fewer school-leavers want to study science at Universities in general and I.C. in

T h e outcome of meeting on T h u r s d a y , between

NUS

a n d the G o v e r n m e n t about grants is b o u n d to anger a lot of students. M r . St. J o h n Stevas agreed w i th the justice of v i r t u a l l y every point in the c l a i m (except the a n n u a l review)! T h e G o v e r n m e n t figures on the decline i n purchasing power of the grant tallied w i t h those of N . U . S . they agreed that an increasing n u m b e r of students suffered real hardship and in general the ultimate point i n reasoned negotiation was r e a c h e d — v i z "because of the economic situation, we cannot afford i t , " but they want more time to t h i n k about it! Q u e s t i o n — h o w c a n they afford the 11 per cent increase in defence expenditure? T h e G o v e r n m e n t had the first interim c l a i m a year ago, J a n u a r y , and the present c l a i m w i t h a l l the figures four months ago. ft clearly taxed the organisational power of the D . E . S . to the l i m i t to a c t u a l l y arrange a meeting w i t h N . U . S . — t o o m u c h to expect them to give a n answer! N o , we've got to wait! A n d maybe since students are " n o t o r i o u s l y fickle" the present grants c a m paign w i l l just fade away. It's rather interesting that the G o v e r n m e n t d i d not have the basic a n i m a l c u n n i n g to put forward a s m a l l divisive offer, as seemed l i k e l y — m a y b e that is still to come. O t h e r points of interest, a c c o r d i n g to D i g b y J a c k s , are firstly that St. J o h n Stevas was not very w e l l briefed p a r t i c u l a r l y on the cost of a b o l i s h i n g the parent al c o n t r i b u t i o n and secondly that he said he was sympathetic to the student case but the economy, the publ i c . M . P . ' s , local authorities. M r s . T h a t c h e r , T e d H e a t h the c i v i l service etc. etc." were the p r o b l e m . T h a t is everyone was to blame except O u r N o r m a n . W e l l , at least, we k n o w they cannot meet us in a straight a r g u m e n t — o u r case is solid. T h e y seem to be pissing about, p l a y i n g for time. T h e only t h i n g to d o is hit them h a r d on M a r c h 14th. E v e r y student in I.C. should be on " s t r i k e " that d a y i n a really massive demonstration that we are not c o m p l a i n i n g about grants because it's " t h e latest fun thing to d o . " We demand that our c l a i m is taken seriously.

particular. C a n you blame them? L o u s y L o n d o n digs, lousy grants and lousy job prospects in m a n y fields. F o r the first time lecturers interviewing applicants have met with

worries about the level of grants f r o m

school-

leavers.

REFECTORY

PRICES

Prices w i l l not go up next term. O K . B u t if inflation continues (if?) the refectory committee m a y well be laced with the proposal to increase them f r o m 1st A u gust (when the u n i o n is at its weakest point, funnily enough). C l e a r l y j f we intend to stop t h e m we have to d o it now. Subsidies w o u l d be better than nothing but that w o u l d tie us to M o o n e y . Basically- we need grant increases to m a t c h inflation so that we can have

14th

A f t e r last T h u r s d a y ' s U . G . M . there w i l l no d o u b t be great confusion a b o u t the M a r c h 14th D a y of A c t i o n . C o u n c i l , last week agreed n e m . c o n . to b a c k the strike a n d so the E x e c u t i v e and the G r a n t s A c t i o n C o m m i t tee c a n go ahead and organise things. A teach-in o n " E d u c a t i o n i n the ' 7 0 ' s " in the G r e a t H a l l , mass p u b l i c leafleting i n O x f o r d Street i n the afternoon a street theatre a n d d i s c o i n the evening are a l l planned. T h e delegate l o b b y of P a r l i a m e n t c a n be organised. T h e U . G . M . was, of course inquorate b y the time the vote on the strike m o t i o n was taken. 240 members were present and when a vote was taken only four voted against. P r e s u m a b l y , the h i g h tension of the hustings took its t o l l of the other 300 w h o were at the best attending G e n e r a l M e e t i n g this year but drifted away after M o o n e y . C l e a r l y we need a w e l l attended E . G . M . next F r i d a y , 1 2 . 4 5 — G r e a t H a l l to take the final d e c i sion. M e a n t i m e petitions are a v a i l a b l e for each class t o request the support of its lecturers by postponing their lectures. M a n y of the staff support the grants c l a i m and we should have no hesitation in a s k i n g them to help us in this way. T h e M a r c h 14th a c t i on is on it's u p to you to make it a decisive rejection of the G o v e r n m e n t d e l a y i n g tactics!

al c a m p a i g n but must be seen in this context.

fight.

MARCH

O u r postion has changed completely in the last decade. If anyone still t h i n k s students are privileged, this episode should shatter their illusions. W e have been put in exactly the same position as the m i l l i o n s of workers in dispute just now, health service workers, c i v i l servants, F o r d workers, train drivers, nurses, gas workers, teachers; in the same position as the o l d age pensioners. W e are being told that no matter how just our case i s — n o d e a l ! T h e defence increase and tax-cuts for the rich come first. Surely it is stating the obvious to say that a l l the sections hit b y the G o v e r n m e n t freeze should support each other? A s yet we have done far too little to w i n that support f r o m either trade unionists or old-age pensioners.

Note: Next Grant's Action Committee—5.00. day—Committee Room A .

To-

W h i t e Paper (cont'd from page 3) the axe; after a l l . nobody really likes students (especially after Stirling) and most people like babies. T h e 10 per cent increase in the defence budget a l so means economies have to be made somewhere. T h e first effect of the government's proposals on Universities w i l l be to reduce the n u m b e r of places available, thus m a k i n g entry more difficult and strengthening the binary system. Places w i l l be reduced by reducing the universities' financing. T h i s has many other effects besides s i m p l y cutting numbers of students. T h e q u a l i t y of education w i l l decline, for staff/ student ratios are to be cut from 8:1 to 10:1. A n d not only w i l l there be less teachers to go r o u n d , but those that there are w i l l be. o n average, older — reductions w i l l be made by cutting recruitment. C u t t i n g back is indeed the prime motive of the proposals — research student numbers arc to cut back too. T h e reduction in supervisors for undergraduates thus implied w i l l have to be met f r o m teaching staff, w h o ' l l have less time for their research It's a shame they d o n ' t spend more time on their research anyway, since so m a n y of them are such useless teachers and are

totally uninterested teaching.

O n e of the most i m p o r tant innovations of the W h i t e P a p e r is the D i p l o m a of H i g h e r E d u c a t i o n , a two-year course w i t h A level entry. T h i s w o u l d be great if it was intended as a foundation course, since so m a n y students go to college for nebulous reasons forced upon them by head teachers and their staff w i t h their own m i n d s undecided. If it were possible for students to m a k e u p their m i n d s o n a degree course beari n g in m i n d their experience on a D i p H E course the latter w o u l d be v a l u a b l e ; but the government see it as a two-year terminal qualification, designed to satisfy the dem a n d for higher education and to reduce still further student numbers. B u t d o they save in the long run? T h e i r cuts can only prove d e t r i m e n t a l to education as a whole. Y o u m a y adopt the attitude of " I ' m a l l right. J a c k . I've been to university, so what?" But education shapes our society — a poor standard of education for a l l means a poor society for a l l . W e must always bear the future in mind. (based on an article by J o y C l a n c y , President of ULU, written for the LSPA).

M a r c h 6th, 1973

FELIX

Page 5

Visits " H O B S O N ' S C H O I C E " by Harold Brighouse A brisk few minutes walk from Waterloo Station t ake s y o u , p a s t its e l d e r s l i g h t l y m o r e s o p h i s t i c a t e d n a m e s a k e , to the Y o u n g V i c . A s w e enter its s m a l l but i n v i t i n g p o r t a l s m y f i a n c e e is s u r p r i s e d to f i n d o n e o f her o l d p r i m a r y s c h o o l f r i e n d s t a k i n g t h e t i c k e t s , but t h e n t h e Y o u n g V i c is l i k e t h a t , f r i e n d l y , i n f o r m a l , a n d v e r y m u c h a l i v e . The s t a g e is s u r r o u n d e d in a h o r s e s h o e f a s h i o n b y u p w a r d s l o p i n g b e n c h e s a n d there is r o o m for a b o u t 3 0 0 , i n c l u d i n g t h o s e s i t t i n g in the v e r y s m a l l g a l l e r y . H e r e o n e f e e l s part of the p l a y , f r i e n d s of the a c t o r s a n d a n i n t e g r a l part o f the a t m o s p h e r e . H e r e t h e theatre is for l i v i n g not w a t c h i n g . The d a y is S a t u r d a y , F e b r u a r y 2 4 t h , a n d the p r o d u c t i o n , B r i g h o u s e ' s f a m o u s "Hobson's Choice". F o r t h o s e not f a m i l i a r w i t h the s t o r y of t h i s c o m e d y s e t in S a l f o r d in 1 8 8 0 , it c o n c e r n s M r . H . H . H o b s o n , o w n e r of a s h o e s h o p , a n d h i s t h r e e d a u g h t e r s , the p r e t t y A l i c e a n d V i c k e y , a n d t h e d o m i n a n t M a g g i e , w h o s e r v e s in t h e s h o p . A t the age of 3 0 M a g g i e is c o n s i d e r e d p a s t m a r r i a g e b u t s h e h a s her eye on the very meek, master boot-maker, W i l l i e M o s s o p , w h o w o r k s in the s h o p a n d w h o , a l t h o u g h p r o m i s e d to h i s l a n d l a d y ' s d a u g h t e r , o n e A d a F i g g i n s , is s o o n " u n - p r o m i s e d " b y t h e r e s o u r c e f u l M a g g i e . M r . H o b s o n , f o n d of h i s f r e q u e n t v i s i t s to the " M o o n r a k e r I n n " is u n a b l e to p r e v e n t the s u b s e q u e n t m a r r i a g e a n d in d r o w n i n g h i s s o r r o w s f a l l s d o w n an open cellar hole into B e a n s t o c k ' s store h o u s e . Y o u n g l a w y e r , A l b e r t P r o s s e r , is e n g a g e d b y M a g g i e to s u e H e n r y H o b s o n for t r e s p a s s o n b e h a l f o f B e e n s t o c k ' s a n d in s e t t l i n g " o u t of c o u r t " H e n r y f i n d s he l o s e s £ 5 0 0 a n d h i s other t w o d a u g h t e r s to Albert Prosser and Freddy Beanstock, while Maggie a n d W i l l i e h a v e set u p t h e i r o w n s h o e s h o p in t h e i r b a s e m e n t flat. H o b s o n ' s t r a d e d w i n d l e s a n d w h e n H e n r y is t o l d by D o c t o r M a c F a r l a n e that h e m u s t g i v e u p a l c o h o l to s a v e h i s life, M a g g i e a n d W i l l i e m o v e in to h e l p H e n r y a n d t a k e o v e r the s h o p , w h i c h now becomes " M o s s o p and Hobson'. The loud, temperamental and awkward Mr. Hobs o n is b r i l l i a n t l y p o r t r a y e d by Peter B a y l i s s p l a y i n g a r o l e f a m i l i a r to h i s m o r e f a m o u s o n e (that of D e n n i s ' f a t h e r in " F e n n S t r e e t G a n g " ) . Andrew R o b e r t s o n as the short, f unn y l o o k i n g W i l l i e , w a s j u s t a s c o n v i n c i n g . W i t h s t a g e p r o p s kept to a m i n i m u m (a f e w c l o g s a n d b o o t s , c a s h r e g i s t e r , d o o r , e t c . ) , the art of a c t i n g w e l l w a s a c t i v e l y d i s p l a y e d b e f o r e u s by a c a s t . a n d a t m o s p h e r e that fired the i m a g i n a t i o n a n d a b s o r b e d o n e c o m p l e t e l y in the

the

T h e Y o u n g V i c has t a k e n to the fifties of late, to the days before T h e Beatles and H a r o l d W i l s o n put the s p i r i t u a l a n d m a t e r i a l g l o s s o n t h e s w i n g i n g s i x t i e s . T h e w o r l d r e v e a l e d is as d i s t a n t a s P o m p e i i . T h e g i r l s w e a r s u s p e n d e r s a n d g i r d l e s a n d one t i n y slip leads to tragic consequences. The men wear s t r a i g h t t r o u s e r s , s h i r t s that n e e d i r o n i n g a n d s t i l l take the l i k e s of J . B . P r i e s t l e y s e r i o u s l y . H a i r is s h o r t , t h e m i d d l e c l a s s e s get w h a t ' s c o m i n g to t h e m , m e n are a n g r y a n d y o u n g a n d the w o m a n ' s p l a c e is by the k i t c h e n s i n k . T h e w h o l e t h i n g is in f a c t d a m n n i g h u n b e l i e v a b l e , e x c e p t w h e n y o u r e m e m b e r that t h e s e are e s s e n t i a l l y d i f f e r e n c e s in m a n n e r s . M a t e r ial c o n s i d e r a t i o n s , to j u d g e by the a p p a l l i n g h o u s i n g c o n d i t i o n s w h i c h are s t i l l r e a l i t y for m o s t of u s , h a v e not c h a n g e d so m u c h , a n d n o w the g l o s s is w e a r i n g t h i n t o o . T h e L a b o u r P a r t y is a b a d j o k e , the B e a t l e s h a v e g o n e a n d G e o r g i e n o l o n g e r d a z z l e s u s o n t h e w i n g . U n i v e r s i t y s t u d e n t s , the p r i d e of the W e l f a r e S t a t e , a r e p o o r a n d g r a d u a t e s a r e u n e m p l o y e d . T h e m u s i c h a s not d i e d q u i c k l y , but d r i f t e d a w a y , l i k e G l e n n M i l l e r in h i s a e r o p l a n e , a n d no-one quite k n o w s w h e r e it's gone. These p l a y s s h o w us the w o r l d b e f o r e it c a m e . I've s e e n t w o of t h e m , A Taste of Honey, by S h e l a g h D e l a n e y , first p r o d u c e d in 1 9 5 8 , a n d L o o k Back in Anger, b y the A n g r y Y o u n g M a n h i m s e l f , J o h n Osborne, w h i c h dates I think from 1 9 5 6 . A s might be c l e a r f r o m the a b o v e , I w a s n ' t r e a l l y i n t e r e s t e d in t h e m a s i m m o r t a l d r a m a — t h e y ' r e not — b u t in the w a y in w h i c h they r e f l e c t s o c i a l v a l u e s a n d c h a n g e , a n d on t h a t l e v e l I h i g h l y r e c o m m e n d b o t h . The plots and situations were a bit contrived — do p r o s t i t u t e s r e a l l y go a r o u n d w i t h t h e i r d a u g h t e r s l i k e t h a t ? a s k e d m y c o m p a n i o n at A Taste of H o n e y — b u t the c h a r a c t e r s g e n e r a l l y m a d e up for it. J u l i a M c C a r t h y , w h o p l a y s the d a u g h t e r , w a s a f a n t a s t i c a l l y s e d u c t i v e s c h o o l g i r l , a p p e a l i n g to a l l s o r t s of p l a y . It w a s s u p r e m e l y f u n n y , o f t en h i g h l i g h t e d by t h o s e s m a l l a c t i o n s a n d e x p r e s s i o n s that s y m b o l i s e t h e d i f f e r e n c e b e t w e e n p l a y i n g a n d l i v i n g a part. D u r i n g the i n t e r v a l s o n e c h a t s w i t h t h o s e a r o u n d y o u , m a k e s n e w f r i e n d s , or b u y s a coffee or i c e cream. W i t h the Y o u n g V i c so c l o s e to I.C. by t u b e , for 4 0 p you can only give yourself a very pleasant surp r i s e one e v e n i n g . A s W i l l i e M o s s o p s a i d l o o k i n g a b o u t the s h o p he n o w h a l f - o w n e d , in h i s b r a n d n e w s u i t , at the e n d of the p l a y , " W e l l , by g u m ! " Jeremy Barker

Young

Vic

f e t i s h e s in her g y m - s l i p a n d b o b b y - s o c k s , a n d h e r m o t h e r w a s n ' t b a d e i t h e r . " A s 'e got l o n g l e g s ? A h luv ' e m w i ' l o n g l e g s " , s h e e n q u i r e s of her d a u g h t e r ' s d a s t a r d l y s a i l o r - b o y , a n d s h e is s t i l l a t t r a c t i v e e n o u g h for her o w n f a n c y - m a n to c r y o u t j o y f u l l y after a f u r t i v e feel — " C h r i s t , y o u ' r e not w e a r i n g your g i r d l e ! " It m a k e s y o u feel so y o u n g , a n d the o l d s e e m s o i n n o c e n t . T h e c h a r a c t e r s are for t h e m o s t part t o t a l l y u n a w a r e of t h e m s e l v e s , a n d h e n c e of a n y a l t e r n a t i v e s to w h a t t h e y a r e . P e t e r , t h e c h a u v i n i s t m a l e p o r k e r in Taste is a s t e r e o t y p e d , u n t h i n k i n g t y r a n t , complete w i t h eye-patch, cigar, whisky-bottle a n d a n a c u t e s e n s e of W h o h a s t h e m o n e y a r o u n d here — i.e. h i m . J i m m y P o r t e r in Look Back is a n e q u a l l y predictable intellectual, w i t h his red-brick backg r o u n d — he t h i n k s l i k e a r e d b r i c k — h i s h u m a n i t a r i a n o u t b u r s t s by G e o r g e O r w e l l out of D . H . L a w r e n c e , h i s " q u a l i t y " S u n d a y p a p e r s , w h i c h he t a k e s s e r i o u s l y , a n d the soft c e n t r e w h i c h m a k e s h i m s e t t l e for a " M e T e d d y — You S q u i r r e l " e x i s t e n c e w i t h h i s l e g i t i m a t e g i r l - f r i e n d after a l l . A s for the w o m e n , they w e a r s e x y u n d e r w e a r , i r o n s h i r t s , m a k e tea a n d w o r r y . They are v u l n e r a b l e — p r e g n a n c y h i t s t h e m h a r d in b o t h p l a y s — a n d t h e y a r e d e p e n d e n t . S o m e t i m e s t h e y are b e a u t i f u l t o o , l i k e Julia M c C a r t h y ' s fantastically seductive schoolgirl in Taste, a n d s o m e t i m e s they e v e n start to t h i n k a b o u t g e t t i n g t u r n e d o n , l i k e the a c t r e s s in Look Back, b u t e v e n s h e retreats b a c k into her w e l l groomed, c h u r c h - g o i n g — h o w many actresses still g o t o c h u r c h ? — l i t t l e w o r l d a t the e n d , a n d there are o n l y the m e r e s t h i n t s of the c o m i n g a w a r e n e s s of w o m e n a n d of the r e l e a s e of their h u m a n c a p a cities. In f a c t , it is p r e c i s e l y t h i s a w a r e n e s s that m a k e s t h e t o t a l effect o f t h e s i x t i e s s e e m m o r e s p i r a l t h a n c y c l i c . P e o p l e are by n o w m o r e c o n s c i o u s of d o m i n a t i o n p a t t e r n s , of t h e i m p o r t a n c e o f e c o n o m i c i n d e p e n d e n c e , a n d of a l t e r n a t i v e m o d e s of e x i s t e n c e t h a n t h e y w e r e in the fifties, a n d t h e d i s a p p e a r a n c e of H a r o l d W i l s o n ' s c o a t of v a r n i s h c a n n o t interfere w i t h t h i s v i t a l c h a n g e . W e s t i l l h a v e o u r s m i l i n g m o r o n s , of c o u r s e , b u t w e a l s o h a v e a far m o r e d e v e l o p e d p e r c e p t i o n of s o c i e t y , a n d w h i l e t h i s d o e s not in i t s e l f c h a n g e a n y t h i n g , n o t h i n g is l i k e l y to be c h a n g e d w i t h o u t it. A n y w a y , g o a n d s e e t h e s e p l a y s . If n o t h i n g e l s e y o u m i g h t b e c o m e m o r e c o n s c i o u s of y o u r o w n c o n s c i o u s n e s s . John

Bald

w h i c h touch on everything f r o m the T h i r d W o r l d to W o m e n ' s L i b , a b o r t i o n to credit cards. T h e C o m m o n w e a l t h C a l y p s o (dedicated to E n o c h ) takes a w r y look at i m m i g r a t i o n . A conversation i n a stationary r a i l w a y carriage shows the class w a r fought by both sides w i t h equal enthusiasm and det ermi nat i on. F a m i l y life, drugs, u r b a n violence ( i n c l u d i n g N o r t h e r n Ireland), p o l l u t i o n , inflation ("It's not that we want m u c h , we just want m o r e " ) , the G N P and the c o m m e r c i a l i s a t i on of religion — they are a l l dealt w i t h i n one way or another.

Mr, G o n e to Brussels . . . G o n e broke . . . G i n and bitters? So far the authors have successfully evaded attempts to extract a straight answer. " G B is what y o u m a k e i t " , they say helpfully. N o doubt a l l w i l l be revealed to-day (Budget D a y ) , when this t o p i c a l m u s i c a l revue opens at the Westminster Theatre. G B has been written by a team: A l a n Thornhill, Michael Henderson and H u g h W i l l i a m s (book and lyrics), and K a t h l e e n Johnson (music). Together they

take an honest, h u m o r o u s and satirical look at o u r society. Satire, a c c o r d i n g to the C o n c i s e O x ford D i c t i o n a r y , is the " U s e of ridicule, irony, sarcasm, etc., in speech or writing, for the ostensible purpose of exposing and discouraging vice or folly".(!) T h e authors hope w i t h G B to b r i n g a fresh a p p r o a c h to a m e d i u m they feel has been too l o n g the m o n o p o l y of cynics. " M u c h of the satire of the '60s was a i m e d at r i d i c u l i n g ancient virtues

rather t h a n m o d e r n vices", says H u g h W i l l i a m s . " A s a result m u c h of what was vicious o r r i d i c u l o u s in the contemporary scene was left unchallenged because it was not fashionable to question it. Satire in the '70s needs to be both more honest and more f o r w a r d l o o k i n g . People are asking 'who are we, where are we going; what are we meant to b e c o m e ? ' " ' G B w i l l be controversial. W a t c h i n g rehearsals this week I saw some o f the 40 songs, sketches, mimes and dances

G B spotlights the prejudice and hypocrisy i n the older generation (and i n some of ours too!). It views irreverently the exponents of the " c i v i l i s e d s o c i e t y " who appear to k n o w how we should a l l live — and die. It challenges m a n y of the preconceptions and the m a t e r i a l i s m on w h i c h o u r society is based. K a t h l e e n Johnson's versatile m u s i c a l score ranges through folk and rock, ballad and music h a l l . T h e 20 songs are arranged by D a v i d P a l m e r , w h o last week directed the recording of a single for rush release. P a l m e r has his o w n musical c o m i n g to L o n d o n shortly. T h e multi-talented cast of 11 includes the F r e n c h m i m e artist M i c h e l O r p h e l i n and singer G l a d s t o n e A d d e r l e y , who arrived f r o m the B a h a m a s three weeks ago. Penny C r o f t , daughter of the creator of " D a d ' s A r m y " , makes her West E n d debut. H e n r y Cass directs his fifteenth prod u c t i o n at the Westminster: " M a n y people think there s h o u l d be an answers. M a n y people think there are no answers. T h i s is where I t h i n k the Westminster is a tremendous help in o u r p a r t i c u l a r society. It tries and very often shows a way of positive a n d definite a c t i o n . A theatre has a responsibility to the p u b l i c . T h e Westminster Theatre accepts this responsibility". Cont'd Page 6, Col. 1

FELIX

Page 6

The Sees Diary of a Gnildsman —Guilds women W e l l y o u l u c k y m e m b e r s of C . & G . o u t t h e r e I t h o u g h t t h e h a l l o w e d p a g e s of F e l i x w o u l d m a k e a t a s y p l a c e to g i v e y o u t h e l o w d o w n o n w h a t ' s c o m i n g y o u r w a y in t h e near f u t u r e . I e x p e c t y o u ' v e h e a r d m o s t of it b e f o r e b u t t h e o n l y w a y t o get a n y of y o u i n v o l v e d is to k e e p r a m m i n g e v e r y t h i n g d o w n y o u r t h r o a t s . B e l i e v e it or not w e h a d o u r H u s t i n g s last T u e s d a y b u t not m a n y p e o p l e s e e m e d t o c a r e ; d e s p i t e t h e f a c t that e v e r y s i n g l e p o s t (bar A c a d e m i c A f f a i r s Officer) w a s c o n t e s t e d ( w h i c h i s m o r e than c a n be s a i d for t h e I.C. e l e c t i o n s ) . A n d s o to t h i s w e e k . H a v i n g r e c o v e r e d f r o m t h e s t r a i n s a n d p a i n s of the s o c c e r s i x e s ( y o u w e r e t h e r e w e r e n ' t y o u ) w e f i n d o u r s e l v e s in T u e s d a y , M a r c h 6 t h . R i n g a b e l l ? Y e s , y o u ' v e g u e s s e d it, its S H R O V E T U E S D A Y , a n d for your t i t i v a t i o n ( w i t h e m p h a s i s o n the it) t h o s e b u x o m l a d i e s of I G W A w i l l c o m p e t e w i t h t h o s e b u x o m g e n t s of IC e x e c in a p a n c a k e r a c e a r o u n d t h e B e i t Q u a d . E a s y y o u m a y s a y . W e l l it w o u l d b e , w e r e it not f o r y o u a n d your f e l l o w c o m p a t r i o t s p e r c h e d up on Beit roof c h u c k i n g water over all the c o m p e t i t o r s . (Inside i n f o : — t h e r e ' s a w a t e r tank o n t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g r o o f ) . W h a t a g r e a t c h a n c e to get y o u r o w n b a c k o n M C B a n d J o h n ' O c h A y e ' L a n e . N o t to m e n t i o n t h e g l o r i o u s s i g h t of a n I C W A b e a u t y ( K . C o n l o n or M . F a i r c l o u g h m a y b e ? ) f a l l i n g a . . o v e r t . . W e d n e s d a y b r i n g s t h e first m a t c h i n t h i s y e a r ' s S p a r k e s C u p , G u i l d s v M i n e s , at Hartlington, w i t h a g r a n d p i s s up a f t e r w a r d s . N o o n e r e m e m b e r s w h e n G u i l d s last f a i l e d to w i n the S p a r k e s C u p , a n d t h i s y e a r s h o u l d be n o different. T h i s i s , h o w e v e r , b u t a q u i e t p r e l u d e to the d a y y o u ' v e a l l b e e n w a i t i n g for, the one a n d only G U I L D S R E V U E . Y e s f o l k s , T h u r s d a y , M A R C H 8 t h , for the m e a g r e pitt a n c e of 2 5 p you c a n t u r n y o u r s e l v e s o n to a s e x y stripper, a dirty f i l m , a drag artiste, a n d s o m e very s i l l y s k e t c h e s ( p e r f o r m e d by not s o s i l l y G u i l d s m e n ) . H o w e v e r , t o be t h e s u c c e s s it d e s e r v e s , it is e s s e n t i a l that y o u get a s k e t c h o u t f r o m y o u r y e a r , it n e e d n ' t be M o n t y P y t h o n c l a s s , just s h o r t a n d s t u p i d . T h e r e ' s l o a d s of p r i z e s to be w o n , a n d the star of fast y e a r ' s r e v u e , M r . P. N o w i t , w i l l be m a k i n g a r e t u r n p e r f o r m a n c e . T h i s i s n o t t o be m i s s e d . G e t y o u r s k e t c h e s r e a d y n o w a n d let T o n y k n o w how many sketches y o u have. A short intermission and it's T u e s d a y again. A week today a n d it's your lucky day. T h o s e hard w o r k i n g m e m b e r s of y o u r e x e c h a v e p r o v i d e d for y o u r t a n t a l i s a t i o n , not o n e , but t w o e v e n t s . F i r s t l y at 1.15 p . m . in M E 5 4 2 , w e h a v e the G U I L D S E L E C T I O N S . W h o w i l l be P r e s i d e n t next y e a r ? T h e c h o i c e is y o u r s . S o m a k e s u r e y o u get a l o n g . T h i s i s y o u r b i g c h a n c e to be c o n s t r u c t i v e for o n c e . T h e n , f o l l o w i n g the t r a d i t i o n a l d u n k i n g in t h e s w i m m i n g p o o l of the o l d a n d n e w e x e c i t ' s off to get r e a d y for the F I E L D C U P 7 3 . S t a r t i n g at 7 . 3 0 p . m . (or t h e r e a b o u t s ) the n o r m a l p r o c e d u r e w i l l be u s e d of a r u n r o u n d t e n p u b s , w i t h c l u e s to e a c h p u b . P r i z e s w i l l be a w a r d e d for the m o s t p o i n t s per h e a d of y e a r a n d m o s t p o i n t s p e r h e a d of p e o p l e c o m p e t i n g . T h i s is a l w a y s a g r e a t e v e n t , a n d s h o u l d n o t be m i s s e d . W e l l t h a t ' s a l l for n o w . H o p e it fills y o u r d i a r y . A p o l o g i e s to m y d i s a p p o i n t e d r e a d e r s for l a c k of a r t i c l e in G u i l d s h e e t , b u t I m i f f e d (a s u b t l e p u n ) the p u b l i c a t i o n d a t e . S e e y o u at a l l the a b o v e e v e n t s . Your friendly s e c ,

March 6th

Phosphorous the Jobrot and Ferocious Din The antepenultimate part of a serialisation of the book by S. J . Swailes

Hardly on

the

came so

had

nearer

from

two

spoken

horizon. The and

the

black

thing

flapping deck.

nearer.

stern

creatures

the

dot

some

When

was

only

boat,

larger two

they

a much the

black

with

down

wings,

tiny

watched

swooping

and

Foetid

than

three

kahki

beings

looked very tattered

fifty

them

—

coloured

yards

realised that there

towards

down

fair

chance

worm

heaved

bers",

went

must of

apolgise for

breath,

inclement. ing

May

Doctor

Foetid

"but

the

cally

approved

what

I've

fool!'

the

I present

Doctor

Service?" with

indicated

the

last

night

Kevin

a courtly

gentleman

was

now

sitting

crew.

The

Flying

khaki

bush

shirt

firmly

tied

red.

and

his

"Certainly with

flying it'".

shorts.

his

weasel

short

the

Fly-

little

wing.

the

cabin

stout

face

his

spotted

clad

"Shut

brimmed

glowed

sprouted

two

hat,

deep

his

back.

here w o n d e r e d

if w e

"me

was

"Well,

thank

and

the

ever going

bag

from

the

Dr.

doghouse

Kev, roof

picking

where

make

patient".

his

little

black

had

put

land-

ing.

"shut as

lunged

Together

the

doctor

and

Ferocious went

"Palsied nasty

Dingoes",

case

looked

O'Reilly's

below,

the

Tremble

loud

saw

"Split doink

who

lurgi

was

is n a m e d

the

medical

first

profession.

w a s taken

in t h e

nobody

noticed

seemed

put

was

over So

the

his

right

sion.

hit

Well,

cure

old

Dr.

"Weren't cure. and Or

shout

off,

but

they

up,

the

from

find

the

take

the

privacy

lept

profes-

more,

old

out

there

were

when

does

bed,

mate? over

That's

the

boring

have

bashing be

bit,

the

men".

that

help

and

Never people

finishing

your

known

a frying

fool!"

cases

under

only

head with old

been

"O.K." he

pan fails.

getting

the

patient

controlled

medical

O.K.?"

said

should

C o n t ' d f r o m Page 5

"Right" fellows

down

"Is

here called

into the

there

nervously,

see the

bellowed

down

Ferocious bat

Ferocious,

ask to

going

"I'm

the and

unconvinced, doctor's Flying

we'll

Doctor,

continue

"get

with

cabin, and

explained blood?"

the

other

treatment." and

unlikely

asked

a f r a i d t h a t I f a i n t if t h e r e ' s

those

the

Twigworm

any

wondering

credentials.

P h o p h o r o u s , the

and

old

positioned the

George's head. The

the

assembled

medical

its

and

turned

try

Mrs. and

loud

again.

O'Reilly down

manner.

original

over.

"not

enough

This was

the

When

shape, the

time

big-

handle had

doctor

retook

those

old

fool!"

his

eyes.

lungs,

George's

this

time",

head

and

s c r e e c h e d the

rest

said.

pan.

"Shut

the

team.

swung.

you

George

Kerboring

opened

"What

medical

earth

is g o i n g

grinned

Dr.

o n ? ' he s a i d

Kev. "another

indignantly.

victory

for

advanced

research". do

you

feel?"

asked

Ferocious

puzzled

said,

"and

here, and

once

George. seem

is t h i s

gentleman

have

headache

splitting

headache",

with the wings doing

one

the

unfortunate

side effects

doctor.

" P a r d o n ? " said George. " T h a t ' s the other o n e , " said Dr. K e v " a t e m p o r a r y deafness c a u s e d by having these b e l l o w s up your earhole". G e o r g e still l o o k e d rather c o n f u s e d , s o F e r o c i o u s sat d o w n b e s i d e h i m and e x p l a i n e d the events of the last t w e n t y four hours. " W e l l , w e l l " , said George when Ferocious had finished s h o u t i n g at h i m , " w h a t a b u s y t i m e y o u h a v e h a d . I c a n only say well done everyone and thank y o u , d o c t o r " . " N o trouble, m a t e , " s a i d the d o c . " a l l H o w a b o u t w e c r a c k a c o u p l e of t u b e s amazing recovery?"

in a d a y ' s w o r k . to c e l e b r a t e the

" E h ? " said Phosphorous. "I think the d o c t o r is s u g g e s t i n g that w e o p e n some c a n s of l a g e r , of the type I s e e p r o t r u d i n g f r o m h i s little black bag', explained Ferocious. "Too r i g h t " , said K e v , r e a c h i n g into his m e d i c a l bag a n d p u l l i n g out s e v e r a l c a n s of the f a m o u s a n t i p o d e a n b e v e r age.

some

had

medical

how

with

you

qualified

fool!"

understand

"but

she

y'see,

head

boring

all

cure.

sheila

any

over

medical

Feeler

Mind

there

annoyed.

you

wouldn't

circumstances.

course,

muttering,

up, you

weren't

patient

There

that

again.

looked

"Shut

belt

"Shut

and

came

a big

the

couldn't

dinkum

listening,

ever.

away

she

the

him,

could

his wife,

say

for

muttering

Ferocious,

b a s h the

hardly

carried

but

Kev

day

easier to

said

you

You

self

him,

doctors

instantaneous.

he w a s

"Fascinating",

say

Anyway,

done

nobody

It w a s

real

ho.

longer.

shouted

was

his

George?"

ho,

and

but

this

O'Reilly

a s p e e c h , s o , of

could

went

I said,

and

reckoned

affliction

nose,

politician,

one

Feeler

absolutely as

her

pan,

the

was

making

home,

just

Feeler

him,

until

home,

old

frying

a g a i n , w h a t is g o i n g o n ? "

that

pan

jumped

down,

afterwards,

see

stand

Anyway,

she

bed to

called

the

boring

Tonkey

doctor,

have

can. That

one".

struck

nothing

Feeler

own could

got

Now

middle

old

until

globe

poor

was,

you He

good

the cure, s p o r t , " e x p l a i n e d the

a man

utensil

p a n in

a huge s w i n g of

bellowed

George

We'll

what

Dr. Kev. " Y o u see, sport,

after

something

went

"The

that d e p e n d s " , sad

etc."

" A

" I s it s e r i o u s ? " a s k e d F e r o c i o u s . "Well,

fool!"

the

man,

worried.

particular

said

swore

the

medical

I ever

flu",

frying

turned

the

Dr.

a s it s t r u c k

old

and

George.

expostulated

'Shut up, you

can. Alright?"

boring

woman".

"How

latter i n d i c a t e d a still m u t t e r i n g

all s h o u t

medi-

cooking

Ferocious' frying

cob-

quickly,

l i k e t o c o m e a n d h a v e a l o o k at t h e said

He waved

as y o u

newts!"

the

shout

little

goodness you have", said Ferocious

right",

patient

over the h e a d w i t h this

so you

up, you

"Great!" "Too

the

Twig-

his

Foetid looked suitably supercilious.

"perhaps you'd

strike

The

carefully,

it i n h i s h u g e h a n d o n c e a g a i n .

old f l i g h t " , he s a i d , w i p i n g

handkerchief,

magnificent

down

one".

listen

throng.

startled

man,

and

neatly folded

a fair

at t h e

a wide

blades

wings, now

red

round

He wore

chin,

that w a s

beamed

was

shoulder

white-feathered

face

Doctor

under

From

Kev, and

"Now

shall

p a n . " B o i n g " it w e n t

"Ah, Dr.

a bloodless

" N o w ! " h e s h o u t e d , a n d let f l y

"Procreation

said

K e v . "I

clout

loud

relief.

handle bent into a ' U ' s h a p e .

roof. "G'day"

^omewhat

Tonkey

wave

slightly

Dr.

as I d o

himself.

a p p e a r a n c e , s i r " , he s a i d

should

just f o u n d " .

air, " a n d

indeed.

weather

little

frying out

this

a sigh

were

one. With

thumped

appeared

interest

Gray.

A f t e r each performance there w i l l be coffee and a chance to meet members of the cast and p r o d u c t i o n team in the theatre restaurant. Students seats are 4()p. T h e B o x Office w i l l allocate these as best they can anywhere in the house, subject to a v a i l a b i l i t y at the time of b o o k i n g . R. L. Corcoran

1973

the

tiny

cure.

Twigworm

any b l o o d " .

The

In n o t i m e t h e y w e r e a l l s i t t i n g o u t i n t h e c o c k p i t w i t h a tube e a c h , e n j o y i n g the s u n , a n d l i s t e n i n g to s o m e of Dr. K e v ' s u n l i k e l y s t o r i e s , of life in the F l y i n g D o c t o r S e r vice. Even Foetid had joined them, sharing a can with P h o s p h o r o u s , w h o h a d f e t c h e d h i m a s t r a w after m u c h a r g u ment. "I c o u l d n o t p o s s i b l y p r e s u m e , s i r , " s a i d t h e l i t t l e b a t . But Phosphorous had insisted, and Foetid hung decorously f r o m t h e J o b r o t ' s e l b o w s u c k i n g o c c a s i o n a l l y at t h e s t r a w . " W e l l , c o b b e r s , " s a i d K e v . f i n a l l y , "I m u s t b e a b o u t m y b u s i n e s s , I s u p p o s e . S o I'll b i d y o u ' s e all g ' d a y " . They b e g g e d h i m to s t a y f o r l u n c h at l e a s t , a n d F e r o c i o u s w a s m u c h c o n c e r n e d to q u e s t i o n t h e d o c t o r f u r t h e r o n h i s s t o r y of the k a n g a r o o a n d the w a t e r d i v i n e r . B u t Dr. K e v w a s a d a m a n t . H e p a c k e d the r e m a i n i n g c a n s of l a g e r a w a y in h i s b a g a n d s p r e a d his w i n g s . T o the s u r p r i s e of a l l , he had a w i n g span of s o m e t w e l v e or thirteen feet, beautiful w i n g s , spotless d o w n y white, with great rope-like m u s c l e s flexing just beneath the p l u m a g e . " S e e y o u " , said Doctor Kevin Tonkey and flapped his w i n g s o n c e , t w i c e a n d he w a s a w a y — p o w e r i n g up into the s u n . H e t u r n e d a n d s o a r e d o v e r the t op of the m a s t to give a last w a v e bef or e h e a d i n g out o v e r the s e a , effortless win g b e a t s taking h i m over the horizon and out of s i g h t . O n the F a n n y t h e y s a t in s i l e n c e f o r a m o m e n t . F e r o c i o u s b r o k e it.

Doctor beamed, "Can't

guarantee

nothing,

sport",

said,

"but

there's

" C o m e o n " , he s a i d , " w e have s t i l U t o find the elusive T w i g w o r m e r y — shall w e make a m o v e ? " A n d they did.

Page 7

FELIX

M a r c h 6 t h , 1973

h a s c o n t a c t a n d he w i l l f i n d the b e s t c o v e r at the c h e a p e s t rate. R e m e m b e r , i n s u r a n c e is a p o s i t i v e a n d n e c e s s a r y f a c t o r in m a n y situations. Life cover for t h e m a n w i t h a family, for example, provides protection for h i s d e p e n d a n t s i n t h e e v e n t of h i s d e a t h . T h a t ' s g o o d . B u t there a r e n u m e r o u s w a y s of g o i n g a b o u t it.

FEEIX FINANCIA££Y In a world where

FELIX:

B u t i s it l i k e l y that a b r o k e r w i l l r i s k r e d u c i n g h i s rake-off w h e n , after a l l , t h e c l i e n t i s n ' t l i k e l y to c o m p l a i n s i n c e he w i l l h a v e l i t t l e i d e a of t h e a l t e r n a t i v e s .

DEC:

It's n o t l i k e l y that t h e g r e e d y b r o k e r w i l l t a k e a n y s u c h r i s k . B u t t h e n , h e is a s h o r t s i g h t e d b l o k e a n y w a y . O n t h e other h a n d , m y o w n p h i l o s o p h y is that if y o u g i v e a m a n g o o d a d v i c e a n d a g o o d d e a l at t h e o u t set, h e ' l l v e r y l i k e l y c o m e b a c k to y o u w h e n he r e a l l y n e e d s y o u . I've g o t c l i e n t s n o w I first m e t here at I C . S o m e of t h e m I a d v i s e d to g o a w a y a n d f o r g e t a b o u t i n s u r a n c e . T h e y d i d n ' t n e e d it — a n d t h e y d i d n ' t n e e d m e , at t h e t i m e . B u t w h e n t h e y d i d have a need, they c a m e back to m e a n d I w a s h i g h l y p l e a s e d . I'd e s t a b l i s h e d a t r u s t , a n d t h a t is a b r o k e r ' s m o s t v a l u a b l e a s s e t , in m y v i e w .

Dishonesty is the best policy.. p r e m i u m s o n t h e p o l i c i e s t h e y s e l l , or on the s i l m a s s u r e d .

The word 'broker' is one of those evocative terms which conjures up, in our minds anyway, a series of rather menacing images. It sems to smack of wheeling and dealing by shadowy contact men at a high rate of interest: we think of stockbrokers

F E L I X : T h e m o r e they s e l l , the m o r e t h e y g e t ? DEC:

Of course. A n d that's w h y a great m a n y b r o k e r s a r e q u i t e u n s c r u p u l o u s . It r e a l l y m a k e s m e m a d ta s e e h o w e a s y it is f o r a lazy b r o k e r to s e l l i n s u r a n c e . A f t e r a l l , i n s u r a n c e is a h a z y s o r t of t h i n g a n d t h e m a j o r i t y o f p e o p l e w h o b u y it — a n d t h a t ' s m o s t people — have very little idea w h a t t h e y w a n t or w h a t t h e y n e e d . It's l i k e s e l l i n g s w e e t s 'to c h i l d r e n . Y o u c a n g e t a w a y with almost any o l d rubbish, a n d I might s a y that m o s t i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s d o j u s t that. T h e y actually d e p e n d o n the p u b l i c not k n o w i n g one p o l i c y from another. They m a k e v e r y fatprofits f r o m p u b l i c i g n o r a n c e a n d t h e p i t y of it is that a lot of p e o p l e i n m y p r o f e s s i o n s i m p l y a i d a n d abet t h e m i n doing so.

FELIX:

C a n y o u give an example?

DEC:

E a s i l y . Let's a s s u m e y o u feel y o u need life a s s u r a n c e , a n d that y o u b o w l a l o n g to a b r o k e r t o f i x it u p f o r y o u . A l r i g h t , w h a t w i l l t h e lazy b r o k e r d o ? H e ' l l i n t r o d u c e y o u to a n i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n y a n d t o g e t h e r t h e y ' l l sell y o u a n endowment policy, w h i c h is the p o l i cy where y o u pay for, say, twenty-five y e a r s . If y o u k i c k t h e b u c k e t , t h e y ' l l p a y your beneficiary a n d you c o u l d n ' t care less a n y w a y . If y o u live t h e y ' l l p r o m i s e to p a y y o u b a c k a lot m o r e t h a n y o u h a v e a c t u a l l y c o n t r i b u t e d . S o u n d s fine. B u t t h e r e a r e t w o f a c t o r s t o b e m i n d f u l of. O n e , t h a t w h a t individual c o m p a n i e s w i l l pay y o u c a n vary h a l f a s m u c h a g a i n o f the t o t a l p r e m i u m s to t w i c e a s m u c h . It d e p e n d s o n w h i c h insurance company you pick. Secondly, all t h e g l o s s y talk a b o u t b i g r e t u r n s at the e n d of t w e n t y - f i v e years h a s to b e s e t a g a i n s t the real f a c t that i t 'is t a k i n g t h e c o u n t r y o n l y a b o u t t e n y e a r s to h a l v e t h e p u r c h a s ing p o w e r o f y o u r m o n e y . In o t h e r w o r d s , e v e n t h e v e r y b e s t return o n a n e n d o w m e n t is a v e r y p o o r a n d inefficient f o r m o f u s i n g your cash. N o w , no insurance company in the w o r l d w i l l ever tell y o u that. A n d neither w i l l t h e lazy, g r e e d y b r o k e r . B u t I'm a b r o k e r . A n d I s a y it a s o f t en a s I c a n .

and their belts, bowler hats and plump pink fingers: and

there is Bismarck's 'honest broker' which he,

somehow, turned into a phrase meaning just t h e opposite.

A n d then

there are pawnbrokers,

who

seem to give another down-turn to the picture w e have of all brokers. All of which crossed our mind when talking to FELIX F I N A N C I A L L Y ' s adviser, Derek E. C u m mings. H e , as readers of this column will know, is a broker. A s readers of this column will also know, he has been pretty good at putting other people under the microscope in past issues and in making such as mortgage company managers, bank managers and the like explain what they are about. So it seemed a reasonable idea to c r o s s - e x a m i n e him for a change and get his views on what his job out to be about. It has to be admitted, of course, that Cummings does not exactly fit the images we talked about above, since he is one of the mavericks of the business herd—the kind of bloke who calls a spade a bloody shovel. Anyway, we sat him down and fired off a few questions. It went like t h i s : — FELIX: W h a t is a b r o k e r ? DEC:

Basically, a go-between. A m a n whose job it i s t o a c t a s t h e c o n n e c t i o n b e t w e e n a p r o b l e m a n d its b e s t s o l u t i o n . In t e r m s o f insurance, the broker s h o u l d examine w h a t t h e n e e d is a n d o b t a i n t h e b e s t p o s s i b l e i n s u r a n c e c o v e r a t t h e c h e a p e s t p o s s i b l e rate, W h e t h e r t h e p r o b l e m is t h e i n s u r i n g of a s h i p ' s hull or a h o u s e m a i d ' s knee. There's a l w a y s a g o o d , efficient w a y of d o i n g i t — a n d m a n y inefficient, e x p e n s i v e , w a s t e f u l w a y s o f d o i n g it. A g o o d b r o k e r w i l l f i n d the b e s t w a y .

FELIX: S o a b r o k e r i s r e a l l y a k i n d of m i d d l e m a n ? DEC:

L e t ' s m a k e n o b o n e s a b o u t it. A b r o k e r i s a p a r a s i t e o n t h e b o d y of a v a s t a n d i m p o r tant industry. B u t having s a i d that let's rem e m b e r that p a r a s i t e s have t h e i r u s e s . In practical terms, a good broker c a n save y o u a lot o f m o n e y . A n d I'm n o t t a l k i n g , n e c e s sarily about a businessman w h o wants to i n s u r e h i s f a c t o r y . I'm t a l k i n g a b o u t p e o p l e like yourselves — students. A good broker can save y o u money — perhaps by doing n o t h i n g . I've s p o k e n b e f o r e a b o u t b e i n g v e r y w a r y of b u y i n g i n s u r a n c e f r o m t h e s a l e s m a n Who c o m e round here trying to flog p o l i c i e s to p e o p l e w h o d o n ' t n e e d t h e m . W e l l , a g o o d b r o k e r m i g h t w e l l a d v i s e y o u n o t to b u y a n y t h i n g b e c a u s e y o u d o n ' t n e e d it.

That's quite true. M o s t brokers — a n d I d o m e a n m o s t — a r e p e r f e c t l y c o n t e n t to earn their bread by selling policies w h i c h are a d v a n t a g e o u s to t h e i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n y a n d to t h e m s e l v e s w i t h o u t g i v i n g a s m u c h a s a d a m n a b o u t the c l i e n t .

FELIX: H o w a r e b r o k e r s p a i d ? DEC:

They

are paid a percentage,

either of the

DEC:

B e c a u s e there is a v e r y g o o d c h a n c e that it w i l l s a v e t h e m m o n e y in t h e l o n g r u n . After a l l , y o u don't pay the broker. T h e i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n y d o e s that if a n d w h e n b u s i n e s s is d o n e . F u r t h e r m o r e , a b r o k e r c a n thread h i s w a y through the jungle of i n surance whereas the ordinary m a n c o u l d n ' t h o p e t o . T h e r e a r e u p w a r d s of 1 5 0 i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s o n t h e m a r k e t f o r a s t a r t . It's q u i t e l i k e l y that a n y i n d i v i d u a l ' s n e e d s a r e b e s t s e r v e d b y u s i n g s e v e r a l different c o m panies. After all, no one company c a n hope to offer t h e b e s t d e a l f o r e v e r y s i n g l e i n s u r a n c e s i t u a t i o n . O n e m i g h t be g o o d f o r life c o v e r , a n o t h e r b e s t at f o r c a r c o v e r , a n other for house content insurance. T h e y t e n d to s p e c i a l i s e . S o to p u t a l l y o u r b u s i n e s s w i t h o n e c o m p a n y c o u l d w e l be w a s t e ful a n d c o s t l y . B u t a n e x p e r i e n c e d b r o k e r w i l l k n o w W h i c h is b e s t f o r w h a t a n d w i l l advise accordingly.

FELIX:

It s e e m s l i k e l y , t h e n , t h a t s o m e i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s w o u l d h a v e n o great l o v e f o r brokers — especially those w h o advise their c l i e n t s to b u y t h e c h e a p e s t p o l i c i e s .

DEC:

That's not entirely true. Insurance c o m p a n ies w a n t to s e l l p o l i c i e s , f u l l p o i n t . O f c o u r s e , there a r e s o m e w h o e m p l o y t h o u s a n d s of s a l e s m e n a n d c o l l e c t o r s rather t h a n r e l y o n b r o k e r s . T h i s is s i m p l y b e c a u s e n o s e l f - r e s p e c t i n g b r o k e r w o u l d d r e a m of u s i n g t h e m . T h e y g i v e the p u b l i c a rotten deal — a n d they k n o w it. C o m p a n i e s l i k e t h a t are p r i m e e x a m p l e s o f t r a d i n g o n p u b l i c ignorance. They're bandits. A n d they are a m o n g the r i c h e s t i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s i n the land.

F E L I X : Y o u ' v e s p o k e n a lot a b o u t life a s s u r a n c e . That is, w e know, the most important aspect of t h e b u s i n e s s . B u t w h a t a b o u t o t h e r t h i n g s . Is b r o k e r a g e a d v i c e i m p o r a n t t h e r e ? DEC:

I t h i n k s o . T h e r e a r e just a s m a n y t r a p s a n d p i t f a l l s in other k i n d s o f i n s u r a n c e a s there are in life c o v e r .

FELIX:

For instance?

DEC:

A l r i g h t , s u p p o s e y o u get m a r r i e d a n d y o u b u y y o u r s p o u s e a d i a m o n d r i n g . It's w o r t h t w o h u n d r e d q u i d , b u t y o u i n s u r e it f o r o n l y a h u n d r e d to s a v e a f e w s h i l l i n g s o n the p r e m i u m . It g e t s s t o l e n a n d y o u r i n g y o u r insurance c o m p a n y a n d tell them your t w o hundred p o u n d ring h a s been n i c k e d . N o w , you might think they'd pay out the hundred y o u i n s u r e d it f o r w i t h o u t a r g u m e n t . Y o u ' d be w r o n g . T h e y ' l l p a y y o u o n l y f i f t y . T h e i r r e a s o n i n g is that y o u i n s u r e d it f o r o n l y h a l f its real v a l u e a n d t h e r e b y f o r c e d the c o m p a n y t o c a r r y a g r e a t e r r i s k t h a n they k n e w a b o u t — b e c a u s e , it b e i n g t w i c e a s v a l u a b l e , it w a s m o r e l i k e l y to be p i n c h e d . T h e r e f o r e , t h e y r e a s o n if y o u o n l y i n s u r e d half t h e risk, they !! only p a y half the s u m i n s u r e d . It's c o m p l i c a t e d , b u t there is a k i n d of l o g i c in it. N o w , if y o u h a d b e e n in that s i t u a t i o n , w o u l d n ' t 'it h a v e b e e n w o r t h gett i n g it i n s u r e d p r o p e r l y , b y u s i n g the e x p e r t a d v i c e of a b r o k e r ?

F E L I X : S o f a r , it s e e m s c l e a r that b r o k e r s s i m p l y a d d to the c o s t of i n s u r a n c e . W o u l d n ' t w e a l l be better off w i t h o u t t h e m ? DEC:

FELIX: F r o m t h e e x p e r i e n c e of m a n y s t u d e n t s , there •do n o t s e e m to be m a n y i n t h e i n s u r a n c e b u s i n e s s W h o t h i n k l i k e that. DEC:

FELIX: Why, w o u l d y o u say, do people need a broker's advice?

FELIX: DEC:

A g o o d q u e s t i o n , b u t t h e i m p l i c a t i o n is n o t q u i t e a c c u r a t e . If a l l b r o k e r s w e r e a b o l i s h e d , i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s w o u l d s i m p l y h a v e to e m p l o y a r m i e s of s a l e s m e n t o t a k e t h e i r p l a c e s . L i f e a s s u r a n c e h a s to be s o l d . A l m o s t a l l o t h e r f o r m s of i n s u r a n c e a r e bought, b u t w i t h life cover, the p u b l i c h a s to b e c o n d i t i o n e d into b u y i n g it. T h a t ' s w h y it i s s o w i d e o p e n to a d v e r t i s i n g m e t h o d s w h i c h b o r d e r o n the d i s h o n e s t . N o , I d o n ' t t h i n k b r o k e r s a d d to the c o s t o f i n s u r a n c e . It's j u s t t h a t m a n y of t h e m g o a l o n g w i t h the i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s a n d t h e i r m i s l e a d i n g a d v e r t i s i n g a n d c o n p e o p l e into p a y i n g m o r e t h a n they n e e d to for t h i n g s t h e y d o n ' t really want. O K , w h a t a b o u t the g o o d b r o k e r . W h a t d o e s he d o ? A g o o d b r o k e r w i l l first l o o k i n t o h i s c l i e n t ' s affairs a n d s e e w h a t n e e d he h a s of i n s u r a n c e — if a n y . If there is a n e e d , he w i l l s h o p a r o u n d t h e c o m p a n i e s w i t h w h o m he

FELIX:

It s e e m s to u s that t h e i n s u r a n c e c o m p a n i e s have us all by the balls.

DEC:

T h e y w i l l h a v e if y o u let t h e m . M y j o b is to protect m y clients f r o m that most u n c o m fortable risk.

Felix

CRB It is felt that c e r t a i n m i s c o n c e p t i o n s

have arisen

a m o n g s t t h e s t u d e n t s r e g a r d i n g t h e s e t - u p of S C A B . T h e p u r p o s e o f t h i s a r t i c l e i s t o lay t h e s e m i s c o n c e p tions.

12.35 13.00

The

idea

b e h i n d t h e i n a u g u r a t i o n of the B o a r d

13.30

w a s to c r y s t a l i z e t h e efforts of i t s c o n s t i t u e n t o r g a n i s a t i o n s to t h e i r m u t u a l a d v a n t a g e a n d f o r t h e b e n e fit of t h e s t u d e n t s of I m p e r i a l

College.

Ents, this

year has been an o u t s t a n d i n g financial s u c c e s s a n d a s s u m i n g they c o n t i n u e i n t h i s v e i n i n c o m i n g then to

March 6th

FELIX

Page 8

it w a s felt that t h e i r e x c e s s

benefit

the entertainment

years

s h o u l d be u s e d

smaller

g r o u p s w i t h i n t h e c o l l e g e a n d s o to p r o v i d e a m o r e comprehensive

spectrum

17.40

minority

of e n t e r t a i n m e n t .

17.45

It w a s

Diary

Tues. 6 IC U n i o n B a l l o t f o r P r e s i d e n t & H o n S e c r e t a r y ( B a l l o t b o x e s i n U n i o n , College Block and South Side) IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y , M a s s

Chemistry 231

S T O I C T e l o v i s i o n S e r v i c e : Cartoon time P A N C A K E R A C E around Beit Quadrangle M . A n d r e Z a v r i e w ( D i r e c t e u r , Institut F r a n c a i s d u R o y a u m e - U n i ) Un Francais a Londres ( M . Z a v r i e w w i l l speak s l o w l y in F r e n c h ) R e v . Ivor S m i t h - C a m e r o n ( C a n o n of S o u t h w a r k C a t h e d r a l ) C h r i s t i a n ity a n d o t h e r f a i t h s ( c o n t i n u e d ) M i s s S a r a h T h o m a s : L i s t e n i n g to c o n t e m p o r a y m u s i c . 8. S o m e p r o b lems for the listener. IC R a i l w a y S o c i e t y : M r . J . T . v a n R i e m s d i j k . T e c h n i c a l h i s t o r y of the c o m p o u n d l o c o m o t i v e IC W i n e t a s t i n g S o c i e t y : T a s t i n g of C h a m p a g n e b y M o e t et C h a n d o n (all w e l c o m e ; s m a l l charge for non-members)

J C R & South Side Elec. Eng. 4 0 8

Mech. Eng. 5 4 2 M e c h . Eng. 3 4 2 M e c h . Eng. 6 6 4 P h y s i c s Level 8

smaller

18.00

IC T r a n s c e n d e n t a l M e d i t a t i o n S o c i e t y : I n t r o d u c t o r y talk

Elec. Eng. 6 0 6

clubs through bodies s u c h as R C C w a s slightly out

19.00

ICSSRS: M r . M r . B. M . Wheatley (Head, Health Physics Research, C E G B Berkeley Laboratories) Nuclear power a n d social responsibility IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : U n i v e r s i t y C h a p l a i n c y S h r o v e T u e s d a y D i n n e r Hall Dinner IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : S h a r e d p r a y e r

M e c h . Eng. 6 4 0

furthermore of

place

felt that t h e f i n a n c i n g of t h e s e

when

it w a s g r o u p e d

called "non-competitive Many

students

expressed become clubs.

w h o have

been

entertainment

a n d value

There

19.30

consulted

a n d thus

cultural

is p r o v i s i o n

S C A B to prevent ring

m a y be

have

c o n c e r n that c l u b s l i k e D r a m S o c w o u l d

purely

function

with what

sports c l u b s " .

and

lose

their

20.00 18.30

IC I s l a m i c S o c i e t y : M e e t i n g a n d d i s c u s s i o n

19.0021.00

IC A r t C l u b ( b e h i n d H u x f e y B u i l d i n g )

recreational

i n t h e c o n s t i t u t i o n of

j u s t t h i s k i n d of s i t u a t i o n o c c u r -

a n d t h e B o a r d i t s e l f w i l l e n s u r e that t h i s d o e s ' '

13.00 13.15 13.30

not h a p p e n . T h e B o a r d w i l l a l s o be u s e d , a n d h a s t h e f a c i l i t y to p u t t h e c o - o p e r a t i o n on a formal

footing.

between interested

parties

T h e B o a r d is n o t a l l o w e d

19.0021.00

i n t e r f e r e w i t h t h e i n t e r n a l r u n n i n g of t h e c o n s t i t u e n t organisations.

It is i m p o r t a n t to note at t h i s p o i n t

that t h e E n t s c o m m i t t e e

has the same standing on

12.45 13.00

The B o a r d a s a l l t h e o t h e r c l u b s . T h e i r J u n i o r T r e a s urer

will

sit on the board,

in a d d i t i o n

their

c h a i r m a n , f o r t h e v e r y s i m p l e r e a s o n that t h e y w i l l handl e the most

money.

18.00 18.30 1915.

T h e B o a r d w i l l be c h a i r e d by t h e S o c i a l S e c r e t a r y who

will

represent

the B o a r d on C o u n c i l a n d w i l l

14.45

N O T h a v e t h e s a m e j o b or f u n c t i o n a s t h e p r e s e n t E n t s c h a i r m a n . H i s j o b w i l l be to s u p e r v i s e t h e c o o r d i n a t i o n of t h e o r g a n i s a t i o n s o n t h e B o a r d a n d to supervise t h e d i v i s i o n of the money

w h i c h in the

first i n s t a n c e w i l l be d e r i v e d f r o m t h e U n i o n F i n a n c e B o a r d . H e w i l l not b e d i r e c t l y i n v o l v e d i n t h e o r g a n i s a t i o n of e v e n t s a n d w i l l e n s u r e t h a t t h e a i m s o f various

societies

o n t h e B o a r d are not inter-

fered w i t h d i r e c t l y by the B o a r d . The

chairman of the Constituent College

Entertainment to a d v i s e

Committees

will

Union

R o y a l C o l l e g e of A r t

Thurs. 8 IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : B i b l e S t u d y G r o u p IC S t a m p C l u b ( s t u d e n t s a n d staff w e l c o m e ) Lunch-hour Concert: T h e Georgian String Quartet. Mozart, 'Quartet in D flat'; B e e t h o v e n , ' Q u a r t e t i n F ' NO GENERAL STUDIES A R R A N G E D : T H E UNION MEETING A N N O U N C E D IN T H E G E N E R A L S T U D I E S D I A R Y W I L L N O T T A K E PLACE

Falmouth 118 Civil Eng. 412. Library, 5 3 P r i n c e ' s Gate

R o y a l C o l l e g e of A r t IC A r t C l u b ( b e h i n d H u x l e y B u i l d i n g ) Fri.

IC I s l a m i c S o c i e t y C o n g r e g a t i o n a l P r a y e r s — J u m a S T O I C T e l e v i s i o n S e r v i c e : I C S — t h e first p r o g r a m m e in a n e w s e r i e s (this w e e k t a k i n g a l o o k at t h e U L F l y i n g C l u b a n d IC R a d i o S o c i e t y , w i t h m u s i c b y IC J a z z C l u b ) S T O I C T e l e v i s i o n S e r v i c e : R e p e a t of 1 3 . 0 0 t r a n s m i s s i o n IC C h r i s t i a n U n i o n : R e v . J o h n H a l l . C o l o s s i a n s IC F i l m S o c i e t y : ' W o m e n i n l o v e ; E r o t i s s i m o ( n o n - m e m b e r s 2 0 p at the d o o r ) S a t . 10 IC v B i r k b e c k U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n A s s o c i a t i o n F o o t b a l l C u p - F i n a l or B e d f o r d C o l l e g e Sun. 11 Holy Communion IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : M a s s IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : F o l k M a s s IC C a t h o l i c S o c i e t y : F o l k e v e n i n g

"Next week, on Tuesday, Wednesday and Thursray (13, 14, 15 March) Dramsoc presents " A l l Things Bright and Beautiful" by Keith Waterhouse and Willis Hall, a Yorkshire comedy in three acts in the Union Concert Hall. Tickets, available from Union Entrance Hall lunchtimes or at the door, are all 2 5 p . "

College Block 0 0 2 J C R & South Side

South Side only Library, 5 3 Prince's Gate M e c h . Eng. 2 2 0

Motspur Park

Ante Room C B 53 Cromwell Road 53 Cromwell Road 53 Cromwell Road

F E L I X N o . 331: T u e s d a y , 6 t h M a r c h , 1973. Edited by Oliver Dowson, w i t h the words, inspiration a n d t i m e of ( i n a l p h a b e t i c a l o r d e r ) M a r t i n C B l a c k , A l a s d h a i r Campbell, B o b Carter, Dave Gribble, Dave Hobman, John Horsfall, G r a h a m King, John Lane, A l f Perry, Gordon Reece, M i c h a e l Silverleaf, M i c h a e l S o u t h o n . Steven Swailes and Jock Veall. F E L I X is p r i n t e d b y F . B a i l e y a n d S o n L t d . , D u r s l e y , G l o s . GL11 4BL. A d v e r t i s i n g is b y U n i v e r s i t y Press Representation, Buildings, Trafalgar Square, W . C 2 .

a n d to c o n s u l t , b u t t h e C C U ' s w i l l n o t

has been

criticised already

criticised again but hopefully

and will

it w i l l i m p r o v e

tainment facilities a n d communication College

53 Cromwell Road College Block 0 0 2

sit on the Board

derive any f i n a n c i a l benefit d i r e c t l y f r o m the B o a r d . SCAB

City University Union

a l o n g w i t h t h e S e n i o r T r e a s u r e r of t h e

Committee

the

10.00 11.00 18.00 19.30

1973

enter-

in Imperial

b u t it i s s t r e s s e d that it m a y o n l y

advise

a n d not interfere directly w i t h its c o n s t i t u e n t organi s a t i o n s w h i c h i n c l u d e IC E n t s C o m m i t t e e . It is n o t

I C Mixed X I v Royal Vets Mixed X I IC 4 Royal Vets 3 A f t e r a very close game last S u n d a y , I C M i x e d t e a m retained their unbeaten r e c o r d , b u t were l u c k y to d o so. V e t s fielded a strong side a n d were very

P u b l i s h e d b y t h e E d i t o r f o r a n d o n b e h a l f of t h e I m p e r i a l College Union Publications Board. A l l rights reserved.

is t h e n a m e of t h e g a m e , n o t M o n M. J. Simmons,

Sporting Felix: L a s t week the 1st X I h a d t w o h a r d games — against A s h f o r d ( M i d d l e s e x ) o n S a t u r d a y and S o u t h a m p t o n U n i o n o n Wednesday. A f t e r another o f their joy-rides when the c o a c h got lost — because H e i n e k e n , w h o had the directions, went b y c a r — we f i n a l l y t o o k the field h a l f - a n - h o u r late. A f t e r d o m i n a t i n g the first five minutes, I C q u i c k l y r a n o u t o f steam a n d let A s h f o r d i n for two goals i n the first half. T h e second h a l f was f a i r l y even w i t h the o n l y goal being scored b y A s h f ord. H o w e v e r , I C deserved more i n this hal f especially i n one g o a l m o u t h melee when A s h f o r d successfully used everything to stop a g o a l . O n W e d n e s d a y S o u t h a m p t o n gave I C a h a r d , fast, b u t scrappy , game. It ended i n a 1-1 d r a w — C o l i n D y e r scoring f r o m the edge of the circle, after g o o d w o r k b y J a g G a h i r . N o t m u c h c a n be said about Wessex's goal except that Sid B o u l t o n h a d a h a n d i n it.

F E L I X i n h a b i t s a r o o m o n t h e t o p floor of t h e U n i o n B u i l d i n g , address: I m p e r i a l College U n i o n , L o n d o n SW7 2 B B , t e l e p h o n e 01-589 5111 e x t . 2229 ( P O ) , 2881 ( I n t . ) . T h e E d i t o r ' s b o u d o i r i s R o o m 14, W e e k s H a l l , t e l e p h o n e : 01-589-9808 ( P O ) , 4236 ( I n t . ) . Contributions a n d help for F E L I X are always welcome.

a l e g a l f i d d l e b y w h i c h IC E n t s s w a l l o w u p F i l m S o c or a n y other c l u b . E a c h c l u b w i l l be i n d e p e n dent, w i l l have its o w n c o m m i t t e e a n d c o n s t i t u t i o n w h i c h w i l l be very little c h a n g e d from the present ones. Co-operation opoly.

Phys.

Grand

1973.

F E L I X is a f o u n d e r m e m b e r of t h e L o n d o n S t u d e n t Press Association.

Hockey

confident of victory (cocky b . . . . s). T o counter this I C p r o d u c e d yet another secret w e a p o n — they h a d two W o n d e r B o y s in their side. V e t s h a d the better of the first quarter of the m a t c h a n d eventually scored a w e l l taken goal. T h i s stirred I C into a c t i o n a n d they eventually t o o k a 2-1 hal f time l e a d , b o t h goals c o m ing f r o m short corners. T h e first w a s f r o m W B ( 1 ) t r i c k ier — the goalkeeper was fooled b y the pace of the shot — a n d the second f r o m a J u l i e creaker. I C added a t h i r d early i n t h e second h a l f f o l l o w i n g a W B ( 1 ) — W B ( 2 ) m o v e w h i c h resulted i n W B ( 2 ) scoring. U n f o r tunately V e t s were then a l l o w e d to equalise f r o m t w o defensive mistakes a n d c o u l d have gone into t h e lead f r o m a n y of the m a n y chances they created. Instead, it w a s I C w h o scored the winner, t h r o u g h W B ( 2 ) , late i n t h e game. T h e f o l l o w i n g people were k n o w n to be p r e s e n t : — Richard, B o b , Julie, Jacqui, Junior, Chris, Blossom, WB(2), V i l l i s , W B ( 1 ) an unnamed umpire. I C 2 n d X I v Ashford 2 n d X I IC 2 Ashford 1 T h e result of Saturday's m a t c h showed that the age of miracles is n o t yet over. T h e r e w a s a c e r t a i n a m o u n t

of confusion before the m a t c h caused by the very late a r r i v a l o f some of the I C side ( w i l l c u l p r i t s please take note). W h e n the m a t c h eventually started, A s h f o r d stormed into I C territory a n d remained there c o n t i n u a l l y f o r a l l the first half. H o w e v e r , thanks to some inept shooting a n d inspired goalkeeping b y J e r r y Heffer, A s h f o r d d i d not score. I n fact i t was I C w h o scored first w i t h a b r i l l i a n t b r e a k a w a y g o a l m i d w a y t h r o u g h the second half. A M i k e V i e y r a clearance f o u n d C h r i s T y l e r o n the left w i n g . T h e b a l l was then w o r k e d across the centre, leaving D a v e N e a l w i t h just the goalkeeper to beat, w h i c h he d i d w i t h ease. A l m o s t i m m e d i a t e l y 1C added a second w h e n a l o n g clearance w a s chased through b y D a v e N e a l . A t the sight of this, the goalkeeper t o o k fright a n d k i c k e d the b a l l into his o w n net. T h o u g h A s h f o r d eventually scored at t h e very e n d of the m a t c h , they never l o o k e d l i k e o b t a i n i n g a n equaliser. T e a m : — J . Heffer; R . B a t e m a n , M . V i e y r a (capt.); P . J o w i t t , A . Guest, J . A l l e n ; C . C o b b l e d i c k , P. B r o o k s . D . N e a l , I. R e a d , C . T y l e r . S u b . : J u l i e . A

special thanks to o u r one supporter ( M . C . B . ) .