http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1983/1983_0656_B by Ravi Pall

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The truth

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Publlsbd by th# R c y d College of 5d»rte« Union

Volume 16

Number 4*

Dateloliijm':

T h i s i s a n e w e x p e r i e n c e f o r m e , w r i t i n g my E d i t o r i a l a t 1 1 . 3 0 p m o n a W e d n e s d a y e v e n i n g w i t h a f e w l o y a l h e l p e r s a r o u n d me, e x p e c t a n t l y w a i t i n g to c o l l a t e . Right, g e n i a l i t y o v e r , now f o r t h e h a r d s t u f f . WHERE WERE Y O U A L L A T L A S T WEEKS U G M I ? I t w a s p u b l i c i s e d , a n d we n e e d e d p e o p l e there t o s a f e g u a r d m a s c o t s . Y o u l o t a r e s u p p o s e d t o come t o t h e s e - m e e t i n g s , after a l l , w e ' r e t r y i n g t o r u n t h i s U n i o n f o r y o u r b e n e f i t and t h a t i s i m p o s s i b l e i f o n l y a b o u t 3 p e o p l e who a r e n ' t d e e p l y i n v o l v e d t u r n u p . L e t ' s h a v e no m o r e o f t h i s a p a t h y , we h a d e n o u g h l a s t y e a r . G e t yoxir r e s p e c t i v e arses i n t o g e a r and l e t ' s have a b e t t e r t u r n out on EVERY f u t u r e event. Also, t h e t r i p t o L e w e s s h o u l d h a v e b e e n p a c k e d j u d g i n g b y t h e n u m b e r s who g a v e t h e i r names t o Dave W a t s o n . Many o f y o u d i d n ' t b o t h e r t o t u r n u p . Have you never heard o f c o u r t e s y ? I t would have been p o l i t e to at l e a s t t e l l us b e f o r e h a n d t h a t y o u w e r e n ' t c o m i n g , a n d we c o u l d h a v e s a v e d m o n e y b y g e t t i n g a s m a l l e r c o a c h . As a r e s u l t o f y o u r t h o u g h t l e s s n e s s , we h a d only h a l f a c o a c h l o a d o n t h e w a y d o w n , t h o u g h l u c k i l y we w e r e a b l e t o get some p e o p l e f r o m S u r r e y U n i . t o come a l o n g a n d make up t h e numbers. Urgent message: I n the Ents b i t , i t says 'unimportant' instead of ' i m p o r t a n t ' when i t r e f e r s to the a u d i e n c e . T h i s i s l a r g e l y dus to the b a d h a n d w r i t i n g o f t h e a u t h o r . We n e e d t o h a v e a l o t o f p e o p l e a t the S m o k i n g C o n c e r t s o a s t o h a v e some f e e d b a c k f r o m t h e a u d i e n c e , i t ' s no f u n a t a l l p l a y i n g t o a n e m p t y h o u s e . T h e C o n c e r t i s o n e o f t h e mo st entertain ing events o f Rag week I A word about Rag: i f r a i s e a b o u t ÂŁ6000 t h i s easily stuff people l i k o f f i c e s b u t o n l y i f we

we k e e p c o l l e c t i n g a t t h e p r e s e n t r a t e , R C S w i l l y e a r I Come a n d h e l p u s m a k e i t e v e n m o r e , we c a n e g l u i d s a n d m i n e s up t h e i r own departmental have a good t u r n o u t a l l y e a r .

As t h i s i s y o u r own U n i o n , I f e l t i t a p p r o p r i a t e to t r y and get some o p i n i o n s from y o u a l l . As a r e s u l t , I have compiled the Q u e s t i o n a i r e that :is the back page o f t h i s e d i t i o n . PLEASE F I L L IT INI I and r e t u r n i t i n the p r o p e r p l a c e so I can get a r e p r e s e n t a t i v e view from the results,, I f you have n o t i c e d a s l i g h t d e t e r i o r a t i o n i n the q u a l i t y of the printi n g t h i s e d i t i o n , I c a n o f f e r a n e x p l a n a t i o n : we h a v e j u s t b o u g h t a s t e n c i l cutter ( l i k e g l u i d s ) and I ' m s t i l l l e a r n i n g t o use i t p r o p e r l y , so please the b e a r w i t h me t i l l I g e t i t r i g h t ! M a n y t h a n k s t o A l i c e a n d L o u i s e f o r use o f t h e i r machine over the p a s t few weeks (and I hope Mark C . gets w e l l soon, A l i c e ) . P o i n t of fact, the quote i n l a s t e d i t i o n r e g a r d i n g the reply on p h o n i n g t h e c&g o f f i c e , t h e q u o t e as p r i n t e d was f a c t u a l i n e v e r y respect, y o u s h o u l d know b y now t h a t I n e c e r p r i n t a n y t h i n g b u t t h e t r u t h (weellll, m o s t o f t h e t i m e a n y w a y I) Another t h i n g , i f y o u ' v e got a copy w i t h the T r e a s u r e Hunt pr nted upside d o w n . . . . t o u g h , y o u ' l l have t o t u r n t h e B / S u p s i d e down I well, I t h i n k I ' v e s a i d enough f o r one E d i t o r i a l , thanks for l i s t e n i n g a n d h a v e a g o o d t i m e t i l l we m e e t again. T h a n k s as u s u a l go t o S i m o n R e d l i c h , P a u l C h a t h a , a l l t h e collators who h a v e j u s t t u r n e d up a t m i d n i g h t 1 a n d I ' m s o r r y i f y o u s u b m i t t e d an a r t i c l e t h a t w a s n ' t p r i n t e d , I p r o m i s e t o t r y and i n c l u d e i t n e x t time, it i s r e a l l y g r e a t t o g e t a l l t h i s c o p y s o I am a b l e t o c h o o s e w h a t bits to put i n when.

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I expect a l o t of you out t h e r e thought t h a t l a s t e d i t i o n ' s e x t r e m e l y w e l l w r i t t e n , w i t t y and t o t a l l y a b s o r b i n g P r e s i d e n t ' s R e p o r t was j u s t a f l a s h i n t h e p a n , t h a t t h i s w e e k ' s e f f o r t w i l l be as b o r i n g and mundane as t h e V . F . ' s r e p o r t . D e s p i t e t h e f a c t t h a t y o u ' r e p r o b a b l y r i g h t , I s h a l l once a g a i n a t t e m p t to pen something of l i t e r a r y b r i l l i a n c e . A w e e k ago l a s t S a t u r d a y f e a t u r e d my f i r s t a p p e a r a n c e a s g u e s t on I C R a d i o ' s R o u n d T a b l e programm e a l o n g w i t h M i k e S t u a r t and S e a n D a v i s . S e v e r a l p i n t s o f Y o u n g s S p e c i a l c o n t r i v e d t o make t h e o c c a s i o n h i g h l y a m u s i n g f o r us and h o p e f u l l y t h e audience a l t h o u g h I don't t h i n k the IC Radio crew were too impressed. T u e s d a y , a t a p o o r l y a t t e n d e d UGM J a n e was r a t i f i e d a s t h e 1st new H o n . S e c : now s h e c a n o r g a n i s e a l l t h e e l e c t i o n s e t c . T h e one w i l l b e f o r t h e p o s t o f A s s t H o n . S e c , t h e p o s t w h i c h s h e v a c a t e d b y b e i n g e l e c t e d . T h e f e w p e o p l e who d i d t u r n up h a d the p l e a s u r e o f s e e i n g J a n e + m y s e l f b e i n g t h r o w n i n t o an extremely c o l d R o u n d P o n d ; and by t h e way, i f any s a d i s t s t h i n k t h e y are g o i n g t o g e t me i n a g a i n a t X m a s , I s h a l l d e f i n i t e l y h a v e a c q u i r e d the r e l e v a n t underwea r by t h e n I 0

O v e r t h e w e e k e n d , RCSU m a n a g e d tri> v i s i t t h e B r i g h t o n a r e a t w i c e . F i r s t on S a t u r d a y ( B o n f i r e n i g h t ) a c o a c h l o a d o f us h i t t h e , L e w e s C a r n i v a l v i a G u i l d f o r d t o s e l l Rag Mags. (What h a p p e n e d t o a l l y o u t h a t s a i d y o u ' d come, t h e n d i d n ' t ? ? ? ? - Ed.) The n u m b e r o f empty c a n s on t h e c o a c h and t h e g e n e r a l i n a n e c r i e s o f ' b i t s , more b i t s ' s e e m s t o be a f a i r i n d i c a t i o n t h a t a g o o d t i m e was h a d b y a l l , t h e K a n g e l a was u s e d a s a r e m a r k a b l y g o o d m e t h o d o f a t t r a c t i n g s t r a g g l e r s f r o m t h e c r o w d o f s e v e r a l t h o u s a n d and a d d e d e n t e r t a i n m e n t was p r o v i d e d o n t h e way b a c k b y a d r u n k e n d r i v e r who succeeded i n g l a n c i n g h e a v i l y o f f t h e f r o n t o f t h e c o a c h and d i s a p p e a r i n g i n t o d a r k e s t B a l h a m . A f t e r p a i n f u l l y f e w h o u r s., s^^.^^y l e e p I was dragged r u t h l e s s l y f r o m my b e d t o - go d o w n t o B r i g h t o n o n J e z : a f i r e engine p r o v i d e s a r e m a r k a b l y good p l a t f o r m f o r l e e r i n g a t f i t y o u n g l a d i e s a l t h o u g h t h e i r r e s p o n s e was n o t a l w a y s d e s i r a b l e . M o v i n g t o f o r t h c o m i n g e v e n t s , c o m i n g s o o n a r e t h e RCS Smoking C o n c e r t , B e e r F e s t i v a l and s t r e e t c o l l e c t i o n . I t w o u l d be r e a l l y g o o d t o s e e l o t s o f p e o p l e a t a l l t h e s e e v e n t s s o we c o u l d r e a l l y s t u f f m i n e s and g l u i d s d u r i n g Rag week; w h i c h r e m i n d s me, t h e r e i s a l s o t h e R a f t R a c e ( w h i c h we m u s t w i n ) f o r w h i c h we need l o a d s o f h e l p d e s i g n i n g , b u i l d i n g and c a r r y i n g t h e r a f t a t the event. I t h i n k I ' v e w r i t t e n e n o u g h now, s o 1*11 stop. Eric

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^ i l i . ^Jfit* Glad to see the guilds exec, have been making nanas of themselves again: Mike Stuart i n ^ e l i x , who seems to have picked on the blatently obvious fact that he wants to be a sabbatical., , ! • Una minute though, Mr. Stuart is doing a four year course in Kech. Eng. and isibeing sponsored by the Ford Motor company of Great B r i t a i n and therefore is in no danger of becoming unemployed at the end of NEXT year. So, ICU president next year, ULU President the year after (get ICU back into NUS during his f i r s t sabbatisal•year and h e ' l l be assured of at least one year as NUS President, so i n about 1988 h e ' l l return to IC to f i n i s h off his degree and take up his job - by which time he w i l l be t o t a l l y bald.' ;

Meanwhile, down- i n Brighton we hear that a certain VP t r i e d 5 stand up on one of the rides there and f a i l e d ; p i t y he only broke his ankle - s t i l l at least he is not around at the moment to interfere with the I r i s h Meglomaniac ' plans for IC Rag (no, not John. Pissmore this time) . The next thing i s apparently an annexation of the B r i t i s h Telecom Tower to advertise the fact that lie raised over £ 2 . 1 5 on his own last

On the other hand we have the two female sabbaticals, seem, as usual to be attempting to get jobs in college block next year, and so, with their wealth of experience with the Union be able to grind us down even further. They have gone so far es to arrange a freebie sherry party for a l l the i n f l u e n t i a l people in S h e r f i e l d , and then as an afterthought decided to i n v i t e a couple of prospective freebie-hunters. Guess who? - Yes. E.. J . Darbyshire, D.V. Parry, H . J . Howe, (who they? - ED.) - so now you know. The extremely sober, hungry, f a t , bearded g i t .

hairy,

T h i s week t h e r e a r e c l u e s t o t h r e e p l a c e s on t h e

map:

C l u e Nxunber 2: 3 o l v e t h e k e y w o r d and t h e g r i d - s q u a r e i s g i v e n b y : The NUMBER w h i c h r e p r e s e n t s t h e l e t t e r ' T *. The LETTER w h i c h i s r e p r e s e n t e d by t h e number 9-

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13 14 ! 15 r i 6

C l u e Number 3-

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The g r i d - s q u a r e o f t h e s o l u t i o n i d e n t i f i e s t h e l i n k b e t w e e n t h e s e two B r i t i s h towns: ----European'embraces world body-car maker.' Town w i t h p o i n t e d row? * C l u e Number 4 - : The w o r d s e a r c h on t h e r i g h t c o n t a i n s t h e names o f E n g l i s h , W e l s h and S c o t t i s h ( p r e - 1 9 7 ' O counties. Some o f t h e names used have been a b b r e v i a t e d i n the u s u a l way. When t h e w o r d s e a r c h i s c o m p l e t e d , the unused l e t t e r s form an anagram o f t h e solution.

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ENTS MEETING TODAY - 1pm. ABOVE SOUTHSIDE • §

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ENTS TRIP TO SEE 'RUN FOR YOU WIFE' A FARCE STARRING ERIC SYKES , TERRY SCOTT. MEET S/S BAR 6.30 pm.

§ *§? ;S

It was good to see such a lot of people on the t r i p to Lewes Carnival. We picked up some more at Guildford, where we sold over £200 worth of Rag Mags and had almost a f u l l coach. I think everyone would agree that the fireworks display was magnificent - although i t did seem that we were the only people appreciating i t : "Do you think we are the only ones cheering??" "I don't know. Lets a l l be quiet next time and see i f anyone else cheers." Next time : -

ABSOLUTE'-g±LENCE

"Maybe everyone else was testing that time" With the coach d r i v e r ' s many e c c e n t r i c i t i e s , (he managed to l i m i t the no. of head on c o l l i s i o n s to ONE I), i t was an exciting ride back; - but no v i s i t to Portsmouth this year. Hope to see you tonight for our c u l t u r a l (nearly!) t r i p to the Shaftsbury Theatre. The play is a farce :'Run for your wife', wiifeh some notable stars. We w i l l s t i l l be grateful for any more acts for the Smoking Concert. Tickets w i l l be available soon - £2 from Social Reps. Ronnie Golden - a stand up comic w i l l be the main act and we also have two student hands. The most unimportant element at the Smoking Concert is the audience, so we're r e l y i ng on you to come along on November 2^th. Other attractions are 'popcorn and beer'. A l l committee members: see you at today's

meeting.

Cheers for now, Ian P.S.

This was written during my t u t o r i a l ! ! !

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a time not so v e r y l o n g ago, s e v e r a l i n t r e p i ther and d e c i d e d to have a d a r ts match ( o n l y down). That was two y e a r s ago a n d now we the 3rd annual d a r t s match. Just to make i toyed w i t h ideas to make t h i s y e a r ' s d i f f e r e l i o n and one down d a r t s would only take the down complete, perhaps a three legged 10 b l i n d f o l d 10^+1 tournament.

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o the on F r i up o f f o o l s l

o l d t d a y t w e i r d ) w i l

We h o p e to f i n i s h e a r l y on the f o l l o w i n g and s t i l l need a l l sorts of h e l p . I would be anyone could h e l p b y : the (no

F r i d a y a b i l i t y

Monday Morning v e r y p l e a s e d i f

s e t t i n g P l a y i n g

c o l l e c t i n g sp o n se r sh i p money (the more c o l l e c t e d , the more s u c c e s s f u l the event, a f t e r a l l we are d o i n g i t f o r r a g l i )

A d d i n g up the or, even j u s t

I f y o u can ( C a p t a i n o f C h e G l o v e r , 0III ( C i n S o u t h s i d e at

up on d a r t s

r i e d and t r u s t he 25th N o v e m o s w i t h a f e t i s h l set o f f on t h i s

a f t e r n o o n . needed)

scores as the p l a y i n g goes by d o n a t i n g lOp and h a v i n g

on a guess.

h e l p , please contact e i t h e r Jand Howe, C I I m i s t r y / l i f e S c i e n c e s team) or M y s e l f , P a u l a p t a i n i n g P h y s i c s / M a t h s team) or j u s t t u r n up the weekend and l e n d a hand.

C h e e r i o and P. G.

Thanks,

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Wei l - 1 went t o e s w i i w i day - h i a e d y b o r i n g i t waa t o o t apart fro* ! r o f . Albury« Than i f f t o t h s t i f l S s i • f r e s h e r d i n n e r and p a r t y * a l l gand f"Un« t h a n k s i© tha peopla #h» cam© a l o n g and i l l t h a a a whe h e l p e d k i i ] t l i a t a o u t i f B u i l d s bunda* ;

N e * i e«*«< U s * wint,:«ti??ll= w i t h f u l l c r e d i t gllflg t i the •It i n WCij-

Kernedetta Ankianiee

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A l i i « I s p e c i a l m e n t i o n fcl J . H a l t * Cunningham» 11 N l g l l i . ! . A n d e r s o n who r e i a e d i n l & t f i ft§ by s e l l i n g swassot,

their

A b r e a k o f two da y* t h a n t h a r e i t U t e / r a t i f i i a t i o n V i M f f h a r a we had M a r y t h a l e o p a r d a l o n g f a r company and t h a aaaamb l e d masses ( f ) ware t r e a t e d t © a b r i l l h i s t o r y o f h e r t r a v a i l . A h , and t h a n a v e r t o i l i a ttuiJd* U6M where t h a y showed o f f t h a i r e x t r a o r d i n a r y t a l e n t f i t " h«irtg a t o t a l hunch o f W i l l i l l by t r y i n g t o t a k e (Spanner and l i l t t h r o u g h a g a t e w h i c h e p a n a t h a o t h e r way front t h l t w h i c h t h a y w a r e

trying.

O v e r t o Lewes and G u i l d f o r d f o r l a s t r a g mags a o l d and f-310 r a i s e d , SI sunn I a n r a i l e d i i t « l 0 | the nest d i y a q u i c k t r i p and b a c k f o l l o w e d by « good s i n g - s o n g i n night * On Monday a Q u i c k a h e r r v Wednesday d r i v e l t i m e a g a i n . And

party,

Saturday. O v e r 900 t o o and Sue P i A i t e r t o B r i g h t o n on J i g , t h e b a r on S u n d a y

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i n t h e J C R . C a s t £1.20 e n d y o u g e t a free souvenir .class!

8pm Cencert H a l l 7pm Union 6pm S/S Lower Lounge

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R C S S M O K I N G CONOR £ 2.00 GLITRS 10+1

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Darts

DOWN 1SORT'S — — MORPHY DAY

12.30

COM?; A N D THROW K A S T I B S 4T S V S P Y i i H P ! '

i. 3 o!

(LA

P r a c t i c a l experiments

I I

on laminar continua have l e d to a new i n s i g h t

i n t o our knowledge of holes and t h e i r i n t e r a c t i o n s with antiholes. Using s p e c i a l l y designed apparatus, i t i s possibl e to acheive wi th 100$ c e r t a i n t y a disturbance i n the normally f e a t u r e l e s s continuum leading to the c r e a t i o n of a hole and an a n t i h o l e : the hole I s Immediately apparent, yet the antihole seems to remain i n some way w i t h i n the apparatus. I n v e s t i g a t i o n s i n t o the decay of holes and antiholes have so f a r proved time cons-jming and inconclusive - so f a r , the holes have remained stable up to temperatures around 600K, beyond which the d i s r u p t i o n of the continuum has made experimentation impossible. I t seems that the holes may have a l i f e t i m e l i m i t e d only by the s t a b i l i t y of the continuum. Experiments to recombine holes wi:';h antiholes have so f a r proved f r u i t l e s s . This i s p o s s i b l y due to the uncertainty of matching w i t h the o r i g i n a l partners due to the method of removal of antiholes from the apparatus This removal releases l i t t l e energy, but a large increase i n entropy i s observed. Apart from continuing these i n v e s t i g a t i o n s

new experiments are b e i n g

c a r r i e d out i n the simultaneous c r e a t i o n of so-calle d "stacked holes"; and c r e a t i o n of " p a r t i a l holes" by attempted superposition of holes. Anyone intereste d i n f i n d i n g out more about t h i s work, or perhaps- i n a s s i s t i n g i n the experiments should contact Dr. Ekus v i a the RCS O f f i c e .

Broadsheet Science Correspondent.,

5 f=2

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A week l a s t S a t u r d a y t h e t u r n o u t f o r c l e a n i n g was p o o r and i t was far too c o l d t o do a n y t h i n g p r o p e r . T h e same f o r t h e S u n d a y . Last Wednesday the s c e n e s were a m a z i n g as l o a d s o f p e o p l e t u r n e d up to c l e a n and p o l i s h . T h e w e a t h e r was a g a i n a t f a u l t as i t p i s s e d down f o r most o f t h e a f t e r n o o n . T h e r a d i a t o r was r e m o u n t e d a n d R o s e did a w o n d e r f u l job on the F i r e jackets. Late i n the evening a spin r o u n d c o l l e g e was u n d e r t a k e n , t h o u g h some p r a t t g o i n g p a s t the l i b r a r y too f a s t nearly h i t the front wheel. After very l i t t l e sleep from going to f e t c h the headlights and g e t t i n g caught in the • c o l d f o r '25 m i n u t e s a 7-50 s t a r t was made a s t h e b e l l . w a s reattached S l o w l y t h r o u g h o u t the m o r n i n g p e r s o n a b l e ? t u r n e d up and d i d their share of the work. S p e c i a l mentions s h o u l d go t o D u n c a n who d i d an e x c e l l e n t job on the h e a d l i g h t s , D i a n e who p o l i s h e d t h e suction hose, A n d y L a r k i n s f o r t h e r e m o d e l l e d pump g e a r b o x c o v e r a n d L i z f o r t h e r u n n i n g b o a r d s . A t 12.45, m o s t d e p a r t e d t o t h e b a r , some on to L e w e s . A m e e t i n g w i t h D r S. C r o f t e n of Mech E n g , the.guy r e a l l y i n charge of 'Bo-' , t o l d u s t o b r i n g a g o o d tow r o p e and likewise wished well on our r e s p e c t i v e jrourneys. (Gareth, t h i s is c o n f u s i n g me a n d I ' m r e a s o n a b l y w e l l i n f o r m e d ! - E d ) . A b o u t 7pm we went f o r p e t r o l , food at the Hot Pot followed by beer at the B a r . At 10.30 the p a r t y f o r the infamous Motor Club C u r r y departed. The c u r r e n t incumbent of the c h a i r decided that h i s Dansak, usually 'Dads' h o t t e s t , was n o t h o t e n o u g h , b u t c l e a r e d up t h e Keetna N a n for breakfast. 1

On S u n d a y a f t e r r i s i n g at 5 and g e t t i n g o u t a t 6.30 after f a i l i n g a milk float, the 2 most e x - c h a i r m e n were found dressing to f i n d Pretty soon (I.'ve had i t , blue p e n c i l time E d ) We s e t off for Hyde P a r k to see 'Bo' off - l o t s o f j e e r i n g and no s i g n o f any gluidsfolk i n o p p o s i t i o n to us 1 The we p a s picked was a other

r i d e t o B r i g h t o n was l e i s u r e l y , i f a l i t t l e c o l d at f i r s t and sed 'Bo' i n Thornton Heath or thereabouts. We eventually up the Queen o f J e z a f t e r chasing her to R e d h i l l since she l i t t l e late at the rendezvous a n d we p a s s e d h e r g o i n g i n the d i r e c t i o n i n a car h a v i n g set off again.

After the 2nd changeover, we s p e n t about 5 minutes stuck behind waving the p l a s t i c b o d i e d F i a t b e f o r e we w e r e a b l e t o s t o r m p a s t t o t h e b a l d i n g M i k e S t u a r t a s we o v e r t o o k . O f c o u r s e we thrashed Bo i n t o B r i g h t o n by h a l f an h o u r and had time f o r beer i n a l o c a l pub b e f o r e r e t u r n i n g to the prom to t h r a s h g l u i d s on the dodgems. T r a f f i c o u t o f B r i g h t o n was a w f u l - l h o u r 20 t o do t h e 1st 9 'Happy E a t e r w h e r e we h a d food miles! E v e n t u a l l y we r e a c h e d t h e and a p l a y on the c h i l d r e n ' s amusements. T h e b a t t e r y was suffering b y now w h i c h m e a n t t r a v e l l i n g w i t h s i d e l i g h t s only u n t i l Battersea, where it became s o b a d t h a t w e had t o do t h e l a s t 2 miles home w i t h no l i g h t s a t a l l ! G o t b a c k a t 9»15pm» p u t J e z a w a y a n d r e t i r e d song. to the b a r f o r a d r i n k and a good s i n g 1

Gareth.

*•

V-

t Y D i s c o u n t for s t u d e n t s a n d s t a f f I Cuts •

1st v i s i t J?3

•

2 n d visit aafter

Cut andBlow Dry:

1st v i s i t

MMO

2 n d v i s i t a after

Mon. to Fri. Sat.

£2.50

£3.95

9am to 5pm 9am to 12noon

RENETLV, 15M CROMWELL ROAD, 5ttJ7. (Nsxt to B r i t i s h Airways b u i l d i n g ) Appointments not alusyc rtttc#sjicry«

N E W &. O L D S T U D E N T S W E L C O M E D

)

Han. b e x

.tporf i

the t i t l e hut I had to- get you to read t h i s somehow!!

I'm the one who has T»een l i k e n e d to a d y s l e x i c elephant wearing a jfoil* "balaclava (see RCS Handbook) and i s seen by r e l i x as the next Mrs Beeton, whose sole hope of conversation i s Vat returns - w e l l t h i s may be t r u e , but i f you see me around I ' l l be quite happy to t r y and d i s i l l u s i o n you! At the moment I'm doing a b i t of everything, the RCSU d i r e c t o r y should appear soon, M i l l i o n + 1 down darts y ^ i l ^

"thrown and you w i l l donate your I f p pieces.,

(pleeeeease - wheedle wheedle) There i s also an Annual Dinner to organise,. and guest speakers to ¥e found - t h i s i s where I get enormous holes i n my knees of my trousers, grovel g r o v e l . The pajers f o r the post of Asst Hon Sec w i l l go up ofi F r i d a y and there w i l l be an e l e c t i o n a t the Xmas UGM, anyone t h i n k i n g of standing should see-me f o r d e t a i l s / perks of the job. I n c i d e n t a l l y , with regard to the a r t i c l e i n l a s t weeks f e l i x , despite the 5 t i t l e , I am KOT pregnant and object to the i n s i n u a t i o n to the contrary, and as f o r ¥reakfast time discussions i t would seem that Mr. Ghosh i s e i t h e r short of conversational m a t e r i a l himself o r a p r a c t i s i n g t r a n s v e s t i t e . I say t h i s In reference to the Commem Dinner where, on f i n d i n g himself seated

opposite

Chas. and myself, Mr; Ghosh's opening l i n e was to ask where I'd bought my gloves from.( almost as i n t e r e s t i n g as Vat!) Jane ~ P.S. P a l l a b , please don't read t h i s l e t t e r i f i t gets me i n the s h i t .

(Je

Hoc.

U i M

tk /XA*.^

pa**,

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/ V

I was quite impressed with the response to the problem I set last time when I asked you to supply the question to the answer "A box of elephant's t e s t i c l e s " . I received no less than 13 questions! I t ' s a shame that they a l l came from the same person. In my opinion his (/her?- Ed) best question was: "What does Barbera Cartland use evry day as a beauty aid?" Close behind were: "What i s the primary constituent of Big Mac hamburgers?" and: . "What have Michael Paul Newman and a piece of lettuce got i n commom?" If the sender of these wonderful answers could send me a note with his/her name and dept., I ' l l gladly buy him/her a drink. Thanks must go to unknown of thingy dept. for suggesting, this week's question/answer (Typing cock up - Ed) "5 gallons of lumpy custard and a set of leather underwear." A pint to the sender of the best question to be received by 1.30pm on Monday 21st November., into the B/S Editor's pigeonhole.

000-000 —-— THE ART OF SPACE FILLING. r e

The comes a time i n every E d i t o r ' s l i f e (every fortnight - Ed) t h t s p a c e f i l l e r s are needed to f i l l in the spaces i n his publication. S p a c e f i l l i n g i s an a r t . The a r t i c l e , cartoon, l e t t e r , small ad. must be a work of art in i t s e l f i n order to hide the fact that i t was purely created to f i l l in a space. The strange thing about spaces i s that they have the property of causing the Editor to f i l l them. Spaces have been l i k e this since time immemorial and so the art of s p a c e f i l l i n g has developed. S p a c e f i l l i n g had humble beginnings which were blatantly unsubtle a

but they increasingly becaiiie^niore devious and subtle so that they have reached a stage so that they are almost unrecognisable a . space f i l l e r s apart from a number of instantly noticeable factors 1. The number of repetitions of the word s p a c e f i l l e r 4. Lack of meaningful content. 55• The rediculous topic chosen. 2001. A Space F i l l e r ! s

"You don't even know what pate is" "Yes

I do, I drink i t a l l the time!" - Dai Head

"Gosh, two fingers is an awful lot" - Random Female. "I wonder i f I'm losing any weight with a l l the exercise I'm getting" - E r i c . "I've been awake for ages, man, i t doesn't mean I haven't been asleep" - Eric "Let

(again)

me f i r s t of a l l say what I've just said" - Dr. O r t i z .

"Nipple-Tickling Thomas i s much better" - D.Cooper. "Hey "Oh,

Dave, how was your woman l a s t night?" OK, I got r i d of her" - Dave Kingston.

"Went up to Soho and got stuffed r i g i d for ÂŁ4" - Bruce B. At the gluids Brighton ('inner, Mike Stuart stands up "It gives me great pleasure to announce S i r Henry Ford whoops, I mean S i r Hugh Ford."

000-000-000 After n weeks, the RCS HJT i s pleased to announce (another f i r s t for BROADSHEET) that the new stocks of jumpers have arrived and can be purchased from the office

at a mere ÂŁ 8 .

000-000-000

LATE LAUGH SESSION: On the Brighton run, we bought a programme, which detailed a l l the owners, d r i v e r s , entrants etc in the r a l l y . A certain p l a s t i c bodied Fiat was apparently being driven (According to said l i t e r a t u r e ) by a MISS Tracy Lloyd who i s a t a l l , Canadian MALE (Mind you, i t ' s

thin

hard to t e l l with these gluidsmeni)

1) 2)

3) 4) 5) 6) 7) 8) 9)

10) 11) 12) 13)

lk) 15)

H a v e y o u b e e n on any RCS E n t s trips? a) Y e s , l o a d s b) Y e s , a few c) RCS E n t s ? ? Would y o u l i k e to see g i g s at I C by bands like: a) S o l s t i c e / P e n d r a g o n / Q u e e n b) B l u e b e l l s / S i s t e r s o f M e r c y c) R i p R i g + P a n i c / C l i n t E a s t w o o d + G e n e r a l S a i n t . Do y o u r e g u l a r l y r e a d BROADSHEET? a) Y e s b) No What s o r t o f a r t i c l e s do y o u l i k e b e s t i n B / S ? a) H u m o u r o u s b) R e p o r t s on t r i p s / P r e s . r e p o r t c) L e t t e r s / f a c t u a l . What do y o u t h i n k o f f e l i x t h i s year? a) Good b ) OK c) U n i n t e r e s t i n g d) Petty Where do y o u d r i n k ? a) U n i o n B a r b) S o u t h s i d e c) O t h e r ( P l e a s e state)... Have you got a b o y / g i r l f r i e n d ? a) Y e s b ) No c) Not y e t l I f a n s w e r t o (7) i s Y e s , d i d y o u meet him/her: a) a t I C b ) a t home c) O t h e r ( P l e a s e state)... Do y o u go t o I C UGMs a) O f t e n b) O c c a s i o n a l l y c) Only i f t h e r e ' s a fun motion cl) t o t h r o w p a p e r aeroplanes. accurately? Do y o u k n o w w h e r e t h e RCS O f f i c e i s , a) Y e s b ) No c) D o n ' t want to. Do y o u t h i n k R a g c o l l e c t i n g i s : a) W o r t Are you a) Y e s , What do a) D e s p

h w h i l e and involved i a lot b) you think icable b)

good f u n b) W o r t h w h i l e , b u t t e d i o u s c) E m b a r r a s i n g n a n y way w i t h RCS U n i o n ( s o c i a l l y ) Y b i t c) Not at a l l d) I ' d l i k e i t disbanded about Mascotry? Good way o f r a i s i n g money f o r R a g c) E x c e l l e n t f u n d) W h a t ' s t h i s a b o u t an A r m o u r e d P e r s o n n e l C a r r i e r ? L i s t the f o l l o w i n g p u b l i c a t i o n s i n order o f preference: Broadsheet/felix/Lcndon Student/gluidsheet/mines newsletter What s o r t o f m u s i c do y o u l i k e ? a) R e g g a e / D i s c o b) R o c k / H e a v y R o c k / P r o g r e s s i v e Rock c) T r e n d y s t u f f / O t h e r (Please state)...

16)

In i f

what way w o u l d y o u l i k e I)

you

improve

BROADSHEET?

17)

what

you

improve

RCS ( d i t t o

18)

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19)

20) 21)

sine some (B/S

way

would

you hate

Your

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another

comment

tutor/lecturer

think

should

Yourself

r e - a f f i l i a t e

^ o t w i o t h e r p e o p l e s v i e w s on pigeonhole) or P h y s i c s U

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Other

A r e t h e r e enough B / S p r i n t e d , or have they a l l want one (On a T h u r s d a y ) ? a) E n o u g h b) N o t enough c ) T o o many Have you ever thought of s t a n d i n g f o r a Unions a) Y e s b) No Do y o u

sheet

> l i f e at I C . letterracks s

e l s e

people

officers

NUS ( P I . e a s e

the

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time

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the

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