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C O v e r 170 Students f r o m Imperial attended the Students' U n i o n lobby of Parliament yesterday afternoon.

The lobby w a s s u p p o r t e d b y the Rector a n d the College's G o v e r n i n g departments body a n d most cancelled lectures, tutorials a n d laboratory sessions to enable students to take part i n the action.

One M P commended a l l the students present as ' w e l l - b e h a v e d ' and saying that he felt the afternoon had been 'carefully o r g a n i s e d . ' Before the lobby M r Peter Brooke, C h a i r m a n of the Conservative Party and M P f o r Westminster N o r t h , addressed the College o n the issue of student loans expressing the Government's viewpoint. H e argued that the l o a n system w a s justified, claiming that it reduced the pressure o n parental contributions and w o u l d increase the n u m b e r of students entering higher education as a result. H e rejected the v i e w s of several students w h o stated that school-leavers w o u l d be deterred f r o m entering h i g h e r education as a direct consequence of the l o a n system.

Butcher, Baker, Candlestick Maker deterred f r o m g o i n g to university because of t h e S w e d i s h loans system.

M r Brooke refused t o accept predictions about the effects a loans system w o u l d have a n d said 'the test w i l l be i n h o w many people w i l l take u p the loans w h e n they are available.' O n e student commented 'It i s r i d i c u l o u s t o a l l o w o u r education system to suffer i n the same w a y as the Swedish one before we take any action to remedy the situation.'

and as such w o u l d object to p a y i n g for further education.

IC U n i o n President, N i g e l Baker C h a i r m a n of the meeting, N e i l said afterwards, 'I thought that the M c C l u s k y noted that a survey meeting w a s a success because it carried out at E d i n b u r g h University allowed the students a chance to c o n c l u d e d that 4 0 % of schoolquestion t h e G o v e r n m e n t firstleavers w o u l d be discouraged f r o m h a n d . I d o n o t think that w e entering universities or polytechnics changed h i s m i n d , but at least w e u n d e r a loans scheme. M r Brooke had a g o . ' felt this survey w a s biased b y T he responses f r o m M P s at the students' wishes to affect the future Parliamentary lobby were m i x e d . of the loans scheme. 'Faced w i t h the G r a h a m Riddick, Conservative M P same questions once t h e l o a n for the Colne V a l l e y , claimed that scheme is i n a c t i o n , ' h e c l a i m e d , M r B r o o k e i n s i s t e d that n o the implementation of student loans would probably • vote 'they condemnation of the system w o u l d w o u l d make students more differently.' be fair u n t i l it h a d been tried. responsible about entering higher The G o v e r n m e n t ' s reference to It was suggested to M r Brooke education because they w o u l d 'have the S w e d i s h system of loans i n its that a n increase of 1 % i n the u p p e r to t h i n k about the m o n e y first.' H e White Paper was raised by a number tax bracket w o u l d 'more t h a n refused to accept o ne students' of students. O n e student said that p r o v i d e for the £108M needed to claims that loans w o u l d discriminate i n a s u r v e y c a r r i e d o u t b y restore grants to the 1979 level, i n against students f r o m low-income G o t h e n b u r g U n i v e r s i t y , 65% of the real terms.' M r Brooke replied that f a m i l i e s . H e a r g u e d that t h e i lowest socio-economic g r o u p , w h o a large n u m b e r of people i n the incentive of good jobs after leaving I h a d the relevant qualifications, were higher tax bracket are not graduates university w o u l d 'more than

ISSUE 824

compensate' for the expense of the course. Different views were voiced by another Conservative M P , M r T o n y Speller, w h o i m p l i e d that the concept of students being seen to be p a y i n g for further education was a good vote-winner among the w o r k i n g classes.

A n u m b e r of other Conservative M P s were sympathetic to the v i e w s of students a n d e x p r e s s e d a n interest i n m o d i f y i n g the loansscheme proposal as it stands. M r Stephen D a y , Conservative M P for Cleesdale, said he w o u l d attempt to increase the h a r d s h i p f u n d a n d M r Richard Page, another Conservative M P w a s particularly sympathetic about the specific problems that w o u l d be encountered at Imperial and other L o n d o n colleges.

M r Page w h o s e s o n is o n a p r o d u c t i o n engineering course at

continued on back page

20 JAN 1989

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n f r Dear Bill, I a m w r i t i n g to y o u i n response to the article in last w e e k ' s F E L I X , entitled ' V i e w f r o m a B rid ge', w h i c h 'passes judgement' o n the U n i o n President, N i g e l Baker. I am not a 'Bakerite', I am onlv w r i t i n g to point out a few factual inaccuracies i n the article, and do not want to be i n v o k e d i n a bickering match between U n i o n big-wigs.

In his article M r H a r b o u r - B r i d g e says that ' M r Baker informs his C o u n c i l of his actions rather than asking their opinion i n advance'. This is not true. A t the C o u n c i l meeting of 21 N o v e m b e r 1988, w h i c h I attended, approximately one-anda-half h o u r s were devoted to the President's report. This was because M r Baker h a d asked for C o u n c i l ' s v i e w s o n several matters. These i n c l u d e d rent levels, intercollegiate halls, the value of sub-wardens, student loans, timetabling, to name but a few. The reason for the debate o n each of these issues was so the President c o u l d present the U n i o n ' s v i e w , a n d not his personal v i e w , at f o r t h c o m i n g committees, meetings a n d discussions.

I seem to remember that last year M r HarbourB r i d g e presented a paper to the College G o v e r n i n g B o d y p r o p o s i n g a reorganisation of the College timetabling system. This paper was not presented to C o u n c i l at the time so the proposal put forward was the personal one of M r H a r b o u r - B r i d g e . What right does the U n i o n President have to present personal papers to G o v e r n i n g Dody w i th o u t first consulting the. students—those people w h o elected h i m and w h o . ultimately w i l l be affected?

I believe that most students w o u l d rather see. the U n i o n Office r u n as an 'efficient package'.

Surely the more efficient a n d organised the U n i o n Office i s , the more efficient a n d effective the. w h o l e Student U n i o n w i l l be, w h i c h is beneficial. to everyone. W e s h o u l d be grateful that the.

President is not continually at loggerheads w i t h , his D e p u t y . The sabbaticals s h o u l d w o r k as a. team, w i t h the President, according to the Job. Description instigated by M r Harbour-Bridge last, year, 'responsible f o r the overall effective, organisation of the U n i o n ' .

O n c e the office closes at 5.30pm the President, and i n d e e d the other sabbaticals, are still, accessible, each one of them h a v i n g a telephone, i n their r o o m s . It is not part of the President's.

Job D e s c r i p t i o n to s p e n d every evening i n the U n i o n Bar. T h r o u g h the r u n n i n g last term of A l c o h o l A w a r e n e s s W e e k a n d the Welfare Survey a n d this term's A i d s a n d Sexuality Week, M r Baker, has demonstrated that he actually cares about the. students w h o elected h i m . Was it his fault that 75% of I C students c o u l d n ' t be bothered to fill, i n a n d r e t u r n the Welfare Survey? A l s o o n the subject of Welfare, the U n i o n does have a Student Welfare Officer a n d the Welfare Committee d i d meet last term. A Welfare A d v i s o r , a member of the permanent U n i o n staff, has been appointed and s h o u l d be assuming responsibilities any time n o w . It takes time to appoint the right staff,

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particularly to the post of something like Welfare A d v i s o r . Indeed i n M r Harbour-Bridge's reorganisation of the U n i o n last year he said that the U n i o n was 'massively understaffed', so w h e n staff are appointed the right choice is essential.

M r Baker does care about accommodation a n d is currently involved i n assessing the value of subwardens. The rent levels currently being charged for College halls were agreed during M r HarbourBridge's year as President, so w h y d i d n ' t he do anything about it? A n d o n the subject of the merger w i t h St M a r y ' s , w h y wasn't a merger agreed last year?

I believe that the article written by M r HarbourBridge is a case of 'sour grapes' as a result of probably a few things. Firstly M r Baker's attempt at a vote of no confidence i n M r Harbour-Bridge at a C o u n c i l meeting last term, and secondly M r Baker is more popular a n d is d o i n g a better job than M r Harbour-Bridge ever was or ever d i d .

O k a y , M r Baker's 'public image' is not as great as M r Harbour-Bridge's was, but M r H a r b o u r Bridge got h i s 'public image' through h i s 'relationship' w i t h the F E L I X Editor. O h , by the way, what d i d M r Harbour-Bridge actually do for Joe Student d u r i n g his year as President?

Yours, name not withholding, Chris Greenwood (Elec Eng 2).

c Dear Bill, I w o u l d like to reply to the a n o n y m o u s letter i n last week's issue. H o p e f u l l y we can put this issue to bed once and for all.

1. The money i n question is not for m y benefit, it is for Indsoc w h i c h doesn't receive an S C C grant.

2. W e were specifically told before the Fair that Indsoc w o u l d be given a cut of the profits. W e were c o m p l a i n i n g because this was i n question.

3. In four days we raised £500 for Rag and £8,000 for the U n i o n a n d £2,000 for Indsoc. V e r y arrogant I must say.

4. W h y w o n ' t y o u let y o u r name be printed?

F r i g h t e n e d that s o m e b o d y else w i l l bitch a n o n y m o u s l y at you?

S / McCall.

s y Dear Bill, I have just seen an envelope addressed to m y colleague Ian M o r r i s , I C U H o n Sec, w h i c h has . been posted w i t h a first class frank o n it. N o t h i n g extraordinary about that, except w h e n y o u consider that it has been posted f r o m College itself, instead of being sent i n the internal m a i l .

A s someone w h o is responsible for U n i o n finances, Nineteen pence wasted by College may seem a trivial amount to quibble over, but I w o n d e r if this is just the tip of the iceberg?

Y o u r s sincerely, Charles Brereton ICU Deputy President

FELIX

s t Dear Editor, I a m w r i t i n g c o n c e r n i n g the p r o p o s e d expansion plans for Imperial College Radio, w h i c h 1 note have not been discussed w i t h me.

O n Friday evening, January 13, I received notice f r o m S y d n e y H a r b o u r - B r i d g e that comments a n d amendments to his suggestions should be received before Wednesday January 18.

I take this to mean that the lastest date for submission is Tuesday. The notification of this leaves me two College days i n w h i c h to prepare submissions.

I suspect it is u n l i k e l y to have escaped M r Harbour-Bridge's notice that this leaves very little opportunity for the members of I C Radio to formulate a reply to proposals that are universally held by them to be very d a m a g i n g . G i v e n that the earliest possible time that I could call a general meeting of the station is T h u r s d ay January 19, I must ask that the deadline be extended.

Failure to do this w i l l result in the members of Imperial College Radio being a l l o w e d no say i n the future of the C l u b to w h i c h they b e l o n g . In such circumstanes, many of them are unlikely to w i s h to continue p r o v i d i n g a service to their fellows.

A s a consequence of this, a n d i n the light of the unconstitutional discussion of Imperial College Radio at the last meeting of the Publications' Board, I must i n f o r m y o u that failure to extend the deadline w i l l leave me w i t h no alternative other than to table a m o t i o n of no confidence i n the C h a i r m a n of the B o a r d .

Yours sincerely, Nigel Whitfield, Station Manager.

y X Dear Bill, First of all may I congratulate y o u o n p r i n t i n g the o p i n i o n article by S y d n e y H a r b o u r - B r i d g e .

Even though the article is obviously critical about m y bias towards Ents (1 was Ents Secretary last year!), the criticism is constructive a n d has p r o m p t e d me to act o n a number of ideas that I h a d shelved for the time b e i n g . I therefore apologise for not h a v i n g invested e n o u g h time in certain areas.

W i t h respect to y o u r Editorial, however, I feel that such negative and fruitless criticism will only serve to alienate people rather than encourage t h e m to correct any mistakes they may have made. I k n o w that a certain amount of 'them and us' inherently exists between F E L I X and the U n i o n Office but if we all try to shed our o w n self-advancement a n d consider h o w best to project the U n i o n , progress w i l l be made and the student p o p u l u s w i l l see that w e ' r e not so immature as to wreck the U n i o n f r o m w i t h i n w h e n external influences are having a pretty good g°Yours sincerely, Ian Morris, ICU Hon Sec.

January 20 1989

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ANNOUNCEMENTS • Japanese Society: Please contact K Y o k o t a , M e c h E n g P G (ext 6265), or K K a m e k o , Physics U G 2 , for details.

• Greater L o n d o n C l u b . Trip to Ronnie Scotts today (Friday).

A Farewell to democracy • On Monday, the Union Council will consider a proposal Cost £5 to see A r t Blakely a n d to abolish the Union General Meeting. The proposal has been put forward by the the Jazz Messengers. M e e t 8 p m St Mary's merger working party. It has to be one of the most absurd and dangerous at U n i o n Snack Bar. proposals that this Union has ever considered, all the moreso because, on the surface, • G L C trip o n M o n d a y (23rd Jan) the move appears to quite innocuous. to see W o g a n . Meet 8 p m U n i o n The problem which has been hindering merger between IC Union and St Mary's Snack Bar. 30 places. medical school is the question of the Union General Meeting. The difficulty is that • G L C trip to Jongleurs o n Friday 27th Jan. £4, includes transport the time table at St Mary's Medical School does not allow their students time to there a n d back. O n l y 30 places. attend Union General Meetings at Imperial.

• G i r l s tennis team practice starts The working party's solution to this problem is to abolish UGM's altogether leaving Council as the only decision making body. Such a move would mark the end of again this S u n d a y f r o m H a m to l p m at I C courts. Expect to see democracy within the Union. all the o l d members there a n d The Union General Meeting is the only forum in which ordinary students possess any newcomers welcome too. to challenge or question the actions of their elected Union Officers. It is the only forum which students have for raising motions on subjects they believe and it is FOR SALE the only forum they have for discussing issues which are important to them.

• O p e n r e e l Vi" '4-track' s o u n d o n Without UGM's this Union would be governed by a clique of self seeking individuals s o u n d recorder. N o r m a l , X 2 , X 4 whose interests lie more in making a name for themselves than in the long term cassette spds. £ 6 0 i n c l u d i n g good of the Union. Elected officers would not be accountable to the students who leads. Bass guitar, 2 p i c k u p s . elected them and the Union would be one stage further removed from the students £35. Contact C W o n g (Physics 2). it represents, as if it isn't far enough removed already.

• V a u x h a l l Cavalier 1300 Saloon, In many ways the abolishion of UGM's marks the culmination of the attitude which B R e g . £2250. Contact A d r i a n has been prevelent throughout the Union this year; a move away from consultation H i c k s v i a Dramsoc 3531 or Elec and towards decision making behind the closed doors of the Union Office. Take the E n g U G pigeonholes. recently appointed Welfare Adviser for example. Nigel Baker deserves a pat on the back for persuading the College to pay for a full time Welfare Adviser. But he was ACCOMMODATION wrong not to bring the matter to the attention of Council or the UGM, particularly • First week of MarcVi—shared when it is possible that cuts in Clubs and Sociecies budgets may be needed to provide accommodation available i n Bayswater. Contact A T a m d j i d i , the Welfare adviser with the £ 7 0 0 0 resource budget she needs to carry out her job.

(The Union forgot to pass the relevent UFC minutes through the last Council.) No A e r o 3 or p h o n e 724 6553.

• 1-4 people i n H a m l e t G a r d e n s . doubt someone will raise the matter at Monday's Council, but now that the adviser Available f r o m 22/3/89. £ 3 8 per has been appointed it is rather too late to discuss the merits or otherwise of having week (rent rebate available). a full time adviser.

Contact Christine Tuckett (Life The proponents of abolishing the Union General Meeting argue that students will Sci 2) v i a Biology pigeonholes. still be able to raise motions at Council and point out that they will be able to ask for speaking rights. They argue that such a system is good enough for The University PERSONAL of London Union in their General Union Council (GUC) and so it should be good • W o t no Z e v Greenjacket enough for IC. • B a b s — D o n ' t forget our secret There are two points to bear in mind. Firstly, to be considered by the proposed meeting o n W e d n e s d a y 2.15pm new council, a motion would have to have 150 seconders, as opposed to our current outside the b o o k s h o p .

UGM system where only one seconder is required. It is fairly obvious that this will • I haven't seen P a m since the make it very difficult for students raise motions at all. Emergency motions, which Dirty Disco...honest. need to be draughted and submitted in a hurry will, of course, have no chance • S m a l l lonely pine tree seeks whatsoever. c o m p a n i o n for lasting The second point is that the GUC consists of delegates representing constituent friendship—Beit Q u a d .

Colleges which have there own UGM systems ie the position of GUC is inherently • W h a t ' s green a n d smells of different from that of Imperial and St Mary's. cucumber?

• H o w l o n g is y o u r cucumber?

• Lost: S m a l l , furry, black hat, Alternatives ? I am not pretending that there will be an easy solution to the UGM prefers dark corners, liable to problem. It may mean negotiating with the authorities at the Medical School to ask bite. R e w a r d . R e t u r n to F E L I X them to reschedule lectures and holding UGM's on alternate sites, for example.

Editor.

What I do know is that this Union should be striving to become more democratic • Beware the R C S U d r e a m ticket. not less so. Even if retaining UGM's does damage democracy by making it difficult for St Mary's students to attend it is preferable to do this than to destroy democracy completely by aboloshing UGM's.

Cheese & Wine Tonight at 7pm in the FELIX Office. Everyone is welcome. There will be a small financial contribution required.

Thanks to Dave, Sez, Rob, Doug, Romin, Andy, Jason, Wouter, Summit, Liz, Paul, Adam, Saya, Syd, Penny, Roy, Hal, Nik, Wendy, Walter, Rose, Dean, Ents, SF Soc and Third World First for collating last week, anyone I have forgotten and all this weeks collators. Staff Meeting today 12:30.

January 20 1989

cheap rates. Contact B i l l T want to have y o u r babies' G o o d w i n .

• W a n t e d : Legal advice concerning f o r t h c o m i n g lawsuit.

A p p l y N o r m a n Rat (Deceased).

• Saucy S u s a n reveals all. T h e hottest sex line i n I C o n 3521.

• C h e m i s t r y 1 claims another v i c t i m ! T h e Penthouse C l u b .

• T h e E E C w i n e lake, the E E C butter m o u n t a i n , n o w the R C S mustard lake a n d the R C S o n i o n mountain.

• M o n D i e u ! C'est beaucoup d e onions!

• W h y aye yer bugger! D 'yer w o n ter, b u y s u m onions?

• W i l l Steph 'Ballcrusher' Snell be taking part i n the wrestling i n the Great H a l l o n the 26th?

• T i m the T o y b o y D a v e the Face P a u l the E u n u c h !

• P h a l l i x s w o r d : Flamey. Y o u r bodies i n overdrive, but y o u m i n d ' s i n reverse. Extasis or Joanie, w h i c h is worse? Beware of 12 bar; H e ' s the curse. T h e Last M a i n Block.

• P h a l l i x s w o r d : Twelve Bar Extasis Baffled Flamey w i t h a move Ray h a d n ' t seen i n the back B y G o d . T h e N e w Breed: The Last M a i n Block.

• W a n t to w i n a bottle of wine?

O r even join the b l i n d tasting team? T h e n come along to the U D H o n Tuesday at 6 p m .

• If y o u ' v e heard of M u f f i n the M u l e , here comes R o b i n the M u l e . A s k H e l e n for details...

• D i d Rick Astley m o d e l himself o n Steve, come along to C o m p u t i n g 2 n d year a n d see for yourself.

• Q . H o w d o y o u get 24 people i n a 17 seater van?

• A . D o it o n a T h u r s d a y .

• Desperate c o m p u t i n g second year seeks intelligent t h i r d year for a lasting copy of Pascal C o m p i l e r . See Z m a c c w 4 1 .

• iNot if y o u d o n ' t take y o u r boots off y o u don't, l u v D .

• W e ' r e not h a v i n g that as President.

• M o n d a y 23rd is approaching fast.

• C a n y o u stand the suspense?

• W a n t e d dead/alive person to share r o o m , either sex, w o u l d consider inflatables. Box 725.

• Surrogate father available,

FELIX

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n So y o u are i n y o u r final year n o w , eh? W h a t are y o u g o i n g to d o afterwards? D o n ' t k n o w ? G o o d , y o u are just the person w h o ' l l make a g o o d accountant. But I ' m afraid that if y o u started your academic life by being sacked f r o m y o u r first k i n d e r g a r t e n , t h e n please continue filling i n those SAF's for engineering firms. I n less tactful circles, y o u ' l l be k n o w n as a kindergarten drop-out.

Yes, sir, this career is for the h i fliers. That means quite a lot of y o u , j u d g i n g f r o m the n u m b e r of engineering students g o i n g into accountancy. w h y s h o u l d I be a n 'So accountant?', a clever dick amongst y o u asks. 'I d o n ' t w a n t a n y t h i n g to do w i t h those, U e r g g h , y u p p i e s ! ' , says another. V e r y true. "They are b o r i n g ' . T r u e . T rue. ' C o u n t i n g books, machines, money or whatever it may be that other people have, is not m y idea of a career'. H m m , y o u m i g h t have a point there. ' W h a t ? ! Three more years of s t u d y . N o thanks, I've h a d e n o u g h of three years here'. Alright, A l r i g h t (will the clever dicks amongst y o u shut u p so that I can get o n w i t h m y article here?).

So there might be a few, h o w shall I p u t it, setbacks i n this. But there is one t h i n g that w i l l totally eclipse that v i z . L o a d s a m o n e y ! !

Y e p , folks, there's g o l d i n t h e m t h a r ' filofaxes.

A n d f o r those do-gooders o u t there w h o m i g h t be i n c l i n e d to question t h e ethics a n d related r u b b i s h of this k i n d , then I ' d like to quote a n authority o n moral ethics, that great bastion of capitalism, the idols of y u p p i e s (whose name has currently stepped o n a banana skin i n m y brain) 'greed is g o o d ' . That s h o u l d p u t t o rest a n y m o r a l maelstrom that has ever sprouted i n y o u r m i n d . ( A h yes! It was G o r d o n Gekko.)

So h o w d o y o u go about j o i n i n g this noble profession? This article w i l l tell y o u all y o u need t o - k n o w and m o r e .

First of a l l , y o u ' v e got to decide w h i c h f i r m t o a p p l y to. That, of course, w o u l d be the f i r m w i t h the biggest salary a n d benefits. Let us say that it falls t o the chartered accountancy f i r m B r o w n , B r o w n , B r o w n , B r o w n & B r o w n . O n e thing one must k n o w is that accountancy firms o n l y take those bozos w h o are passionately interested i n j o i n i n g t h e m so if y o u d o not fall into that special category of bozos, w h o k n o w their Ernst & W h i n n e y ' s f r o m

Page 4

their Peat M a r w i c k ' s , then a p p l y to the l o t a n d be p a s s i o n a t e l y interested i n joining any f i r m w h o bothers to call y o u for an interview.

The initial part of the application form regarding your personal history s h o u l d be easy e n o u g h . In passing,' I ' d just like to point out that it pays to be economical w i t h the t r u t h . I ' m not asking anyone to lie (shock, gasp, horror!), I ' m just initiating y o u into a few facts of life.

Brown, Brown & Brown.

The poet W o r d s w o r t h h a s recorded h o w h i s cardiovascular system was apt to leap u p w h e n he beheld a rainbow i n the sky and this c ould be h o w your system behaved w h e n y o u beheld the letter f r o m the abovementioned gang about t w o weeks later. If y o u ' v e f o l l o w e d m y advice y o u w i l l f i n d w i t h i n a note registering y o u to call o n them at the relevant time a n d date.

R R

It is probably true to say that w e have a l l adjusted to l i v i n g i n a technological w o r l d i n w h i c h science has gone domestic, business h a s gone computer, a n d personal attention i n banks has gone to the four w i n d s . It is also true to say that Walter has adjusted less w i l l i n g l y t h a n most; even he, h o w e v e r , i s n o w u s e d to bar codes, keypads, The interview is y o u r important and inserting his card w i t h the black If y o u f i n d yourself unable to chance to strike ' e m dead w i t h your stripe facing d o w n a n d to the right. f i n i s h this p o r t i o n , w i t h e n o u g h charisma a n d k n o w l e d g e . It is N o t w i t h s t a n d i n g this, the latest spice t o pale M a d r a s V i n d a l o o i n i m p o r t a n t here to dress w e l l . electronic attempt o n his sanity has comparison, then I'm afraid y o u are, Intelligent as y o u are, y o u can see come dangerously close to success. as the saying goes, u p the spaghetti that a bimbo—call h i m Bimbo I— The device i n question is the P s i o n junction w i t h o u t a steering w h e e l . w h o wants to impress another Personal Organiser 2. Walter w o u l d Y o u m i g h t as w e l l crash out n o w . bimbo—Bimbo II—starts at a serious like to p o i n t out that he personally A n d t h e n comes the h a r d part, disadvantage if he is wearing a does not o w n one of these horrors, f i l l i n g i n those s t u p i d questions, c r u m p l e d shirt a n d a jean w i t h a of h i s close but someone along the lines of ' W h y do y o u want stylish tear o n the knee. Y o u need acquaintance does, a n d is r a p i d l y to be an accountant', ' W h a t is y o u r to put the PR smile o n the face, even m a k i n g himself unbearable; the air career plan?' etc. D o n ' t despair, the if t h e a m o u n t of cologne t h e a r o u n d h i m is punctuated w i t h a n majority of students hit against a honourable i n t e r v i e w e r s are endless series of beeps a n d whistles. blank brain at this point. The correct w e a r i n g , gives rise to emotions L o o k ! If y o u press this b u t t o n it procedure, or so I ' m advised by a turns itself into a helicopter. friend, is to f i n d out w h o is the possibly comparable to Jack t h e Ripper. literary buff i n y o u r year f r o m the W h i l s t o n t h e subject of departmental grapevine. T h e n y o u Y o u have to convince the technology, those ladies a n d interview panel that y o u are the gentleman of Imperial College Radio have hit the headlines for the second p e r s o n they've been l o o k i n g for all time i n o n l y six years w i t h their these years. D o n ' t hesitate to tell t h e m h o w h a r d y o u h a d to w o r k to staunch resistance to the idea of get y o u r 3 A ' s . S h o w t h e m y o u r radio commercials. This is one of those occasions where Walter really entrepreneurial spirit b y g i v i n g doesn't understand the workings of details of the security service that the collective m i n d of Imperial y o u introduced, for a fixed s u m (or i n ten easy instalments), for lowerCollege U n i o n . It seems obvious formers at y o u r school against the that a p r e c o n d i t i o n of accepting b u l l y (the fact that the b u l l y was advertising is that someone is yourself is c o m p l e t e l y a n d listening to it that w i l l be i n a absolutely irrelevant). A n d what position to spend money as a result have to pile h i m w i t h e n o u g h free about the time w h e n y o u smuggled of it. Students? Imperial College beers/Mars bars ('Investing i n the Radio? T h i n k what y o u are saying. a few books f r o m Foyles a n d sold future') to become matey. W h e n t h e m to friends w h e n y o u a n d your y o u feel y o u have reached the stage M i n d y o u , w h e n someone does bank manager were h a v i n g a little where y o u a n d h i m are a couple of listen - or read - the p o w e r of the m i s u n d e s t a n d i n g . Every bit helps. real good pals, like what's-his-name press becomes obvious, as i n the and who-was-it i n the Bible, then A n d again if y o u have f o l l o w e d case of the Caterpillar Cafe, so y o u have to delicately introduce h i m m y advice then i n a w e e k ' s time n a m e d after a story appeared i n to y o u r little p r o b l e m . T e n minutes F E L I X h i g h l i g h t i n g the presence of again, y o u w i l l receive a letter f r o m later, your problem's solved. Eleven B r o w n or B r o w n or B r o w n or a certain animal i n the chilli. T o minutes later, y o u d u m p h i m .

B r o w n — o r it may even be B r o w n think that Nigel Baker didn't believe Next, to ensure a good recommendation, y o u have to get i n the g o o d books of y o u r tutor. Be generous w i t h the butter. It's just too b a d if y o u ' v e spent a considerable p o r t i o n of y o u r time here, a v o i d i n g t h e m i n the lifts a n d corridors. Put the good o l d stone o n the heart a n d get o n w i t h it.

Write a covering letter i n the bestest of y o u r w r i t i n g a n d English, r e m e m b e r i n g to remove a n y d r i p p i n g nosegoo and beer or curry stains f r o m the paper a n d the application f o r m , a n d post it to the relevant geezer at B r o w n , B r o w n ^

informing y o u of their decision a n d w i s h i n g y o u g o o d luck i n y o u r job h u n t i n g 'Bashibazzoks, n i n c u m poops, tenapins, troglodytes, dipsomaniacs, filibuster' y o u quote the great C a p t a i n H a d d o c k expressing y o u r feelings. ' * © * * ! ? © * * ! ' y o u quote yourself, expressing y o u r feelings a little more i n d e p t h .

W e l l d o n ' t be t o o h a r d o n yourself. Remember all great (and very rich) m e n were initially either r i d i c u l e d o r rejected b y their societies. So continue applying, y o u are b o u n d to hit it lucky at one time or another.

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us.

O f course, w e a l l k n o w y o u s h o u l d n ' t believe e v e r y t h i n g y o u read i n the press. C e r t a i n persons of s m a l l c r e d e n c e h a v e e v e n extended this to the sayings of our College Secretary a n d local diplomat, John S m i t h . Walter w o u l d suggest that it might be time to start listening, for the f o l l o w i n g reason: John S m i t h w i l l soon be leaving us, and it is t e m p t i n g to speculate that the good gentleman may have a few things to s a y before he goes.

Skeletons f r o m the college closet, perhaps? W e l l , w e live i n h o p e .

January 20 1989

s

w N e w locks were i n t r o d u c e d i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g over the C h r i s tm as . h o l i d a y s i n a n attempt to increase s e c u r i t y a n d reduce t h e large n u m b e r of thefts t a k i n g place.

U n i o n D e p u t y President Chas Brereton w h o was responsible for the scheme told F E L I X that he suspected that m a n y of the pieces of stolen e q u i p m e n t i n the U n i o n h a d been lost to u n s c r u p u l o u s staff and student members w h o have copies of the o l d ' A r t h u r ' R37 master k e y . H e a d d e d 'It is quite possible that ex-staff are c o m i n g back a n d u s i n g keys to obtain e q u i p m e n t f r o m w i t h i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g ' . H e claimed that there were 'masses' of the keys g o i n g r o u n d a n d he b l a m e d this o n the fact that the locks have not been changed since 'before he was b o r n ' .

The n e w A S S A 6000 keys have p r o v e d successful so far according to M r B r e r e t o n w h o a d d e d ' h o w e v e r , the doors of the U n i o n are so b a d that if someone w a n t e d to enter the b u i l d i n g it w o u l d be easier to k n o c k the doors d o w n rather than touch the l o c k . ' T h e n e w keys to the external doors have been issued o n l y to the sabbatical officers a n d the U n i o n Manager, D a v i d Peacock. C h a i r m e n of clubs and societies, and other club members d e e m e d to require a key by the U n i o n President w i l l be given keys to their storerooms. E n t r y to the m a i n U n i o n B u i l d i n g between the hours of 11.30 p m a n d 6 a m w i l l be v i a the Beit security staff subject to clearance b y M r Brereton a n d Sherfield security.

Bruce Kent, the former C h a i r m a n of for Nuclear the Campaign D i s a r m a m e n t w i l l be speaking at College o n T h u r s d a y 26th January.

M r Kent, a former R o m a n Catholic priest, w i l l be addressing Imperial College M e t h o d i s t Society i n M e c h E n g 220 at 1 p m . '

n

r s •

Students m ay lose some of their protection against eviction a n d may have to pay higher rents as a result of the first stage of the 1988 H o u s i n g Act w h i c h came into effect last Sunday.

Two n e w f o r m s of t e n a n c y agreement have been p r o d u c e d : long term 'assured tenancies', a n d 'assured shorthold tenancies' w h i c h are for fixed periods, some as short as six m o n t h s . Both increase the l a n d l o r d s ' p o w e r by a l l o w i n g the l a n d l o r d to set rents at 'market levels' and, unlike current contracts, to a p p l y to the court for eviction if the terms are broken or if the tenant is more than three m o n t h s i n arrears.

8

Imperial College U n i o n has a p p o i n t e d a n e w Welfare A d v i s e r , Yve Posner.

The cost of the n e w appointment w i l l be met by the College a n d the U n i o n are h o p i n g to persuade the College to contribute a ÂŁ7000 annual welfare budget. If this move is unsuccesful the money w i l l be raised by cutting back expenditure on clubs a n d societies, according to U n i o n President N i g e l Baker.

M s Posner w i l l be able to advise students o n h o u s i n g benefits a n d landlord/ tenant relations, as well as legal, consumer a n d i m m i g r a t i o n problems. S h e w i l l also p r o v i d e assistance with letter writing, phone

calls and filling i n forms. She w i l l be available for consultation f r o m 1pm o n w a r d s f r o m Tuesdays to Fridays in the Welfare Office i n the U n i o n Building, formerly the Jazz and Rock Club.

F o r m s , leaflets a n d reference books w i l l also be available from the Welfare Office.

Ms Posner has t e n years experience i n welfare a n d benefit w o r k i n c l u d i n g seven a n d a half years w o r k i n g for the D H S S , a year as leader of the H a r i n g e y private sector h o u s i n g benefit team and eighteen m o n t h s as a Welfare Officer for Islington C o u n c i l .

L a n d l o r d s are also permitted to charge 'key m o n e y ' for taking u p or r e n e w i n g a contract.

M o s t s t u d e n t s ' l a n d l o r d s are expected to o p t for six m o n t h assured s h o r t h o l d tenancies. These will give the tenants only six months guaranteed residence, after w h i c h the l a n d l o r d has the right to evict.

A n y contract entered into before last S u n d a y w i l l still be covered by the o l d act. The n e w regulations are only likely to come into effect w h e n contracts are r e n e w e d o r n e w contracts entered into. The tenancies w i l l be administered b y Rent Assessment Committees w h i c h have replaced the more p o w e r f u l Fair Rent Office. T h e committees have n o p o w e r over n e w contracts but they can attempt to block excessive rent rises.

m\ N O

S M O K I W G ,

!

o The U n i o n Snack Bar (now officially r e n a m e d the Caterpillar Cafe) has been designated a n o n - s m o k i n g area. ' O r i g i n a l l y a U G M decision f r o m last year, the s m o k i n g b a n was also decided u p o n at a U n i o n Catering C o m m i t t e e M e e t i n g . T h e meeting I also noted a 2 1 % d r o p i n l u n c h t i m e I sales c o m p a r e d to t h e '87-'88 season.

January 20 1989

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l

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k Imagine standing alone o n West Street in downtown 34th M a n h a t t e n , r u c k s a c k o n back, o v e r w h e l m e d by the h u m i d i t y a n d pace of the B i g A p p l e , armed o n l y w i t h $250 a n d a w o r k visa. T h e prospect of s u r v i v i n g f o r three m o n t h s i n this rat race looks bleak and terrifying. Yet this is h o w I and 3,999 other British students began what is probably the best experience of o u r lifetimes.

just became a daily d u t y . It seemed as though I was making new friends every day. A m e r i c a n students are social animals and quickly make y o u feel as t h o u g h y o u have k n o w n t h e m for years.

H a l f w a y t h r o u g h m y stay, I changed jobs, not because I d i d n ' t like the other one, but I w a n t e d to have a different atmosphere. M y second job was i n an amusement arcade, a n d I was the only Brit A s I sailed o n the ferry towards w o r k i n g there. It meant I really h a d M a r t h a ' s V i n e y a r d Island, I really a taste of w o r k i n g i n A m e r i c a . began to feel the excitement i n what The e n d of the A m e r i c a n summer I was d o i n g . There o n the h o r i z o n is m a r k e d b y Labor D a y . T h e lay the silhouette of the V i n e y a r d , s u m m e r w o r k h a d dried u p a n d it w h e r e a n e w job, a n e w ho me a n d was time for me to set out u p o n the • a w h o l e n e w circle of friends was second half of m y s u m m e r . I h a d waiting. one m o n t h before I h a d to return to T h r e e m o n t h s earlier I h a d E n g l a n d , so I bought a thirty day G r e y h o u n d bus pass, and set out to secured a j o b i n a sandwich/ice see A m e r i c a . cream shop. W h e n I w a l k e d i n there for the first time, I was s u r p r i s ed to It is quite impossible to appreciate f i n d the shop full of British students the size of A m e r i c a w h e n y o u live also w o r k i n g there a n d after five i n E n g l a n d . Bus trips of fifteen m i n u t e s I felt completely at h o m e . hours, w h i c h d i d n ' t seem to take y o u any distance w h e n y o u looked It is impossible to describe the at the m a p , became the n o r m . But 10V2 weeks I spent o n the Island i n each journey was different a n d a f e w paragraphs. Students f r o m never boring. The largest proportion the w h o l e of N e w E n g l a n d h a d of t h e G r e y h o u n d ' s c l i e n t e l e gone there to w o r k for the summer, seemed to be British students, single and the atmosphere was incredible. parent families a n d wierdos (the There were endless parties, m i d n i g h t s w i m m i n g trips i n the latter b e i n g the biggest category). local l a go o n ; jeep rides a r o u n d the I travelled 5,000 miles all together. island; l y i n g o n the g o l d e n beaches The highlight of the m o n t h was

Grand Canyon Page 6

Statue of Liberty definitely the G r a n d C a n y o n . The sheer p r o p o r t i o n s are b e y o n d imagination (one mile deep, four miles w i d e at its narrowest point and 217 miles long). The scenery is breathtaking, no camera could ever capture the beauty of the painted rock set against a clear blue s k y .

Another place which stands out i n my m i n d , almost as a complete contrast, is Las Vegas. The sight of rows a n d r o w s of m i d d l e aged Americans hypnotically p u m p i n g quarters into the slot machines is both amusing and sad. The blinding neon and glitzy casinos at nighttime are replaced by tacky buildings w i t h overweight signs d u r i n g the day.

D u r i n g m y last week I went u p to Canada, and got a small taste of this huge country. The cities of Toronto

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and M o n t r e a l are so vastly different f r o m their U S counterparts, that they could be 1000 miles apart rather than t w o hours drive. They are clean, friendly a n d safe, a n d I left w i t h the feeling that I ' d like to s p e n d a lot more time exploring the rest of C a n a d a i n the future.

I w o u l d definitely r e c o m m e n d everybody to go to A m e r i c a at least once i n their lives. B u t t h e experience is greatly intensified by staying out there for three m o n t h s w o r k i n g a n d is ideal for students. If y o u w o u l d like more i n f o r m a t i o n write to B U N A C , 232 V a u x h a l l Bridge R o a d , L o n d o n .

TextiChris

Shaw

Pictures: Jackie

Godfrey

January 20 1989

R the document because it w o u l d have to be passed b y a n independent body. Their idea is that, like i n other countries, the w r i t t e n constitution w o u l d have a n 'aura of magic' w h i c h w o u l d make it sacrosanct.

The motives of this group appear honourable, they seem to w i s h to preserve freedom, enhance Is Britain free f r o m threat to democracy a n d are very liberal a n d liberty? Generations of Britons have i n nature. T h e g r o w n u p expecting to live i n one E u r o p e a n disadvantage of a constitutional of the w o r l d ' s most free countries, change of this nature is that changes but if asked what their civil liberties to it c a n l o n g a n d protracted. I n were they c o u l d give n o r e p l y . This America, for example, equal is because w e have n o w r i t t e n opportunities leglislation has not c o n s t i t u t i o n , e x p l a i n i n g exactly been introduced, because a l l 50 w h a t are o u r rights . states have to agree to it. Britain, Britain's Parliament is k n o w n as t h o u g h not a federal state , c o u l d the ' M o t h e r of D e m o c r a c y ' , o u r pass such laws i n one Parliamentary reputation for a n i m p a r t i a l a n d fair judiciary second to n o n e , a n d o u r t e r m . liberty is the e n v y of the w o r l d . This H o w has Britains' unwritten is a p r e v a l e n t attitude b u t is constition come into being ? W e are dangerously complacent according u n i q u e i n Britain i n h a v i n g h a d 300 to the signatories of the Charter 88. years of parliamentary democracy i n The Charter, calls for civil liberties w h i c h the netwo r k of laws that to be guaranteed b y a B ill of Rights preserve o u r liberty have been o n a m o d e l that is similar to the one formulated. It is f r o m the ' G l o r i o u s w h i c h exists i n A m e r i c a . I n the R e v o l u t i o n ' of 1688 that t h e U n i t e d States all legislation is tested principles of a democratic monarchy for u n c o n s t i t u t i o n a l i t y b y t h e h a v e b e e n e s t a l i s h e d , b u t t h e S u p r e m e C o u r t , the equivalent signatories of the charter c l a i m that body i n Britrain w o u l d be the H o u s e p o w e r of the monarchy w a s o n l y of L o r d s . shifted f r o m the h a n d s of a n absolute monarch to a parliamentary oligarthy. T h ey assert that Britain has a l o n g history of freedom documents, for example the M a g n a Carta, signed by K i n g John a n d the peoples' charter of 1838.

Charter 88 i s a c a l l f o r the introduction of a written c o n s t i t u t i o n for B r i t a i n that w o u l d guarantee c i v i l liberties i n the f o r m of a B i l l o f R i g h t s . It's signatories b e l i e v e that f r e e d o m c o u l d b e c u r t a i l e d i n this country, w r i t e s Robin Davison.

Britain is unique in having 300 years of Parliamentary democracy

Critics, have claimed that b y apeing the name of the Charter 77 m o v e m e nt i n Czechoslovakia, a freedom a n d civil rights Covenant

C h a r t e r 88 w a s l a u n c h e d i n conjunction w i t h the New Statesman and Society a n d the Electoral R e f o r m Society. It is endorsed b y 250 celebrities; these are m o s t l y journalists, authors, writers, artists and politicans w h o c o u l d be d e s c r i b e d as l i b e r a l - l e f t w i n g intellectuals a n d are concerned that the p e r i o d the present G o v e r n m e n t the signatories do n o justice to their has been i n p o w e r has left civil case. C o n d i t i o n s here are so m u c h liberties u n d e f e n d e d . better than i n the Eastern Block so T he advantages of a w r i t t e n as not bare c o m p a r i s o n . constitution are that the The Independent newspaper i n a n ' e n t r e n c h e d ' clauses c a n o n l y be editorial proposed that t h e c h a n g e d b y l o n g a n d protracted European Convention o n H u m a n a m m e n d m e n t. A n y Government i n Rights c o u l d be incorporated into p o w e r w o u l d f i n d it h a r d to change the legislature. This w o u l d be a

the written constitution would have an 'aura of magic'

January 20 1989

The Charter makes the following calls; A Bill of Rights guaranteeing the following freedoms; • Right of Assembly •Freedom of Association •Freedom from Discrimination •Freedom from detention without trial •Guarantee of trial by jury • Guarantee of privacy •Freedom of expression The Charter also calls for the establishment of; •Open Governmment and freedom of infomation •Election by proportional representation •A non-hereditory House of Lords •Executive Power under Parliament •Legal remedies for abuses of power •Reform and guarantee the independence of judiciary •Incorporate universal Citizenship in to the Constitution

shortcut to achieving the same objective. T h e E u r o p e a n C o n vention w a s d r a w n u p after the Second W o r l d W a r i n a manner such as to be acceptable to the 21 members of the C o u n c i l of E u r o p e .

It has several 'let-out' clauses that w o u l d make it more acceptable to government, for example, interference w i t h the exercise of a right can be sanctioned, ' i n the interests of national security, public safety or the economic w e l l being of the country ' .

The Charter also expresses the need for electoral reform to a system of proportional representation a n d in d o i n g so has only recieved w a r m support f r o m the Labour Party.

Roy Hattersley, Labours d e p u t y leader,

writing

i n the Guardian

claims that Charter 88 diminishes the importance of positive aspects of freedom. H e claims, focusing attention o n loss of freedoms, that state interference of civil rights is not e n o u g h , for example, the right to a basic ' l i v i n g ' wage. H e cites T H G r e e n w h o defined freedom as ' a positive p o w e r or capacity of d o i n g or enjoying something w o r t h d o i n g or enjoying'. G r e e n was discussing the Irish L a n d A c t last century that prevented landlords a n d tenants

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freely s i g n i n g agreements i n w h i c h they were usually ruthlessly exploited. H o w e v e r the charter has generally received cross-party support.

The New Statesman and Society documents 88 cases where they believe i n d i v i d u a l freedoms have been lost i n the last 100 years. T h e

Britain has a long history of freedom documents most recent of w h i c h is the loss of the 'right to silence' i n N o r t h e r n Ireland's trials, but others just f r o m 1988 include the b a n of interviews of paramilitary supporters o n radio a n d television.

T h e supporters of Charter 88 d o not believe that their d em ands w i l l be met immediately they consider that change of this m a g n i t u d e w o u l d take o v e r 25 y e a r s t o complete, however the discussion of H u m a n Rights is their immediate objective. Perhaps it s h o u l d be remembered that f e w people ever miss their liberty u n t i l it is taken away f r o m t h e m .

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The wodge of paper you are now holding in a pair of sweaty hands reaches you via the undying (hmmm.. .alm enthusiasm of the FELIX staff. A merry band of men (and women), we are led by our illustrious leader, Goodwin, FELIX Editor extraordinaire, in a spacious open-plan office in the corner of Beit Quad.

I

by Steve Meyfroidt

H his is w h e r e it all starts... Research is the central activity of the news-team. The team is headed by a m a n w h o always has his h e a d i n the clouds, Dave Smedley, (a great c l o u d of fag smoke f o l l o w s D a v e r o u n d wherever he goes) backed u p by Sez W i l k i n s o n , R o b D a v i s o n , a n d anyone else close e n o u g h to be asked to write a n e w s story.

T

G and-written or word-processed text needs to be presented i n a final, p r i n t e d f o r m ; the typesetter, a k i n d of h i g h - p o w e r e d computer/laser-printer is used for this. D u r i n g the week, the typesetter is operated by Rose Atkins, whose delicate fingers tickle the keyboard all day l o n g ; but w h e n she flits off at 5.30 the rest of us are left to grapple with the beast ourselves, w h i c h usually results in miles of wasted typeset paper. It's quite fascinating to see the thing set an entire two-page article onto a single line. Fascinating.

But completely useless.

The typesetter terminal acts in a similar w a y to a n o r m a l w o r d processor, albeit rather crude i n many respects. The clever bit lives i n another box to w h i c h the terminal is attached; it takes a text file, complete w i t h e m b e d d e d control codes to determine fonts (typefaces), point sizes (text size is measured i n points), a n d other clever things, and ' p r i n t s ' it onto photographic f i l m . The film is developed i n a processor w h i c h d u n k s the film into various chemical baths a n d then dries it ready for use.

H

M u c h to the annoyance of various people i n College and the U n i o n , these brave souls trek all over the campus to interview notables and generally be nosey about things that aren't their business. H a v i n g d u g u p e n o u g h scandal to make a reasonable story, the reporters sit at a word-processor a n d write their various pieces, usually c o n t i n u i n g late into T h u r s d a y e v e n i n g i n order to ensure that the n e w s is ' N e w s ' a n d not ' O l d s ' .

G his step, completely unnecessary most of the time (oh aye, tell us another), means persuadinjyigrneone to read t h r o u g h the typeset, carefully h i g h l i g h t i n g ^ p j | g errors, spelling mistakes, etc. T h e text is returned to flm typesetter operator w h o diligently w e e d s out all the m i s t a i a s .

T

In fact, this process usually takes t w o or three cycles to remove all the errors, a n d even then, the o d d one manages to slip t h r u g h .

N o o n e ' s perfect...

E he process camera is an essential piece of machinery to the production of F E L I X . A n d it k n o w s it. That's w h y it enjoys breaking d o w n or r e - p r o g r a m m i n g itself at the most critical periods of activity...

D u r i n g the final stages of U n i o n Handbook production last summer the t h i n g took it u p o n itself to collapse before m y disbelieving eyes.

The first time I'd used it by myself. W i t h 30 or so jobs to get done.

A n d it decides to blow itself u p . D|ve Smedley (the Handbook editor at the time) was m i l d l y peeved; not only d i d he go u p the w a l l , he c l u n g to the ceiling a n d stayed there until the repair-man h a d been two. days later.

T

A n y w a y , w h e n it decides to w o r k , the process camera w i l l reduce or enlarge a r t w o r k , a n d also produces the ' d o t - s c r e e n e d ' photographs y o u see reproduced i n F E L I X . (Photographs need to be converted into dots before p r i n t i n g ; look closely at a 'photo o n this page a n d y o u ' l l notice the dots.) A s its name suggests, the camera uses photographic methods, although the paper used is developed automatically i n a processor to give a f i n i s h e d ' p h o t o ' i n about a minute. (The ' p h o t o ' is usually called a ' b r o m i d e ' . )

The

nasty camera

i I %

The camera is also used later o n i n the production process to make the p r i n t i n g plates used by the pres-s - see b e l o w .

P

E

ach page of F E L I X is laid out a n d stuck d o w n o n 'paste-up' sheets. These sheets are pre-printed w i t h a ' g r i d ' that defines the position/width/depth of the columns of text, and, in theory, they ensure that all text is straight. Lengths of typeset w i t h a c c o m p a n y i n g bromides are stuck d o w n o n the sheet w i t h ' C o w G u m , ' w h i c h fills the office w i t h solvent v a p o u r . C o u l d it be this solvent that causes people to get ' h o o k e d ' o n p r o d u c i n g F E L I X ?

A. pot of glue

G

T

G

B

y m e n t i o n i n g the press (or ' l i t h o ' , since it uses lithographic processes to transfer the image to paper), I a m i m m e d i a te ly r i s k i n g this w e e k ' s F E L I X . The litho is very sensitive, a n d if 1 slag it off too m u c h , it w i l l take one look at the stack of nice clean paper w a i t i n g to be fed into it, grab as m u c h of it as it can, s h r e d it into confetti, then distribute the confetti about its internals.

A t this p o i n t , D e a n w o u l d try to restrain the beast, w h i l e t y i n g his shoe-laces together to create a make-shift noose.

T h e l i t h o ' s temperamental nature is the reason that D e a n listens to R a d i o 4; the soothing s o u n d s of Joe G r u n d y i n The Archers, a n d the useful advice g i v e n o n Woman's Hour seems to calm the litho somewhat.

H o w e v e r , by the time our news-team has pasted u p the front page o n T h u r s d a y night, D e a n has usually gone h o m e , leaving Bill to persuade the litho to print the last side. Bill hasn't quite got the right technique, a n d often upsets the poor litho by playing 'tasteless' music such as Bob D y l a n ' s Dear Landlord w h i l e operating it. B y this time of night the machine is really knackered, and to taunt it w i t h Dear Landlord is just too m u c h . Bye bye says litho. O h * * * * says B i l l . . .

he completed paste-up sheets V a u g h a n , our ever-so-sligh ' r o o m . Relieving his grubby j he uses the camera, Deaf produce a special negative that plate-maker.

are spirited a w a y b y D e a n azy printer, to the camera s of their coating of ink while Jbses the paste-up sheet to a a plate w h e n fed into the :

Plates are not made of finest bone c h i n a . T h e y are flexible a l u m i n i u m sheets, c a r r y i n g a n image of the page to be printed" o n their surface.

Bill not

smoking

G i o u ' l l notice that the pages of F E L I X are f o l d e d . T h i s j o b is supposed to be done by a marvelous piece of technology called, not surprisingly, the folding machine. W i t h a combination of" pulleys, levers, a n d r u b b e & w l p l s (I k i d y o u not!), this m a r v e l of m o d e r n science manages to fold the p r i n t e d pages i n half.

Sometimes. This is another temperamental machine, a n d it often spits out the m a i n screw h o l d i n g it together just so that it c a n have a rest. W e d o try a n d keep it all i n one w o r k i n g piece; the a m o u n t of sellotape u s e d to d o this is e n o r m o u s . . .

G

A

fter being folded, the pages are put inside each other to make w h o l e F E L I X e s . This is called collation. I d o n ' t really want to publicise this too m u c h , but o n T h u r s d ay nights, we have a collation party. O p e n to everyone. C o m p l e t e l y free. Lots of f u n . The reason I d o n ' t want to publicise this weekly event?

Because I d o n ' t want everyone to rush d o w n , gatecrash it, and drink all the free booze.

N

A

lone figure trundles across the campus. H e pushes a s h o p p i n g trolley before h i m a n d looks i m m e n s e ly tired. S t o p p i n g , he stoops d o w n over his trolley, picks u p a heavy pile of paper and shambles over to a table. T h e pile is d r o p p e d a n d the . mysterious figure droops back j o h i trolley... W h o is the figure, . a n d what is he doing?

W e l l , it's Bill o n a Friday m o r n i n g . The trolley contains thousands of copies of F E L I X w h i c h are deposited at strategic places for . thousands of students to pick u p o n their w a y to first lecture. Perhaps i n future y o u w i l l realise the effort that goes into p r o d u c i n g F E L I X every week. Y o u might even want to come d o w n a n d h e l p ! If so, d r o p i n one day; y o u might even enjoy i t . . .

Someone strange

Andv Clarke

by Steve Meyfroidt Sez Wikinson

Y

DAVE S

z WARREN

! " #$%&'s

D ave, b e i n g N e w s Editor, is a n excellent source of gossip. H e ' s always ready to t h r o w really w i c k e d (crucial, man!) pieces of sarcastic wit into conversation.

He's also a l w a y s p r e p a r e d to reminisce about the g o o d o l d days w h e n he was Broadsheet Editor and had to collate all night because n o one c o u l d be bothered to h e l p . . . I k n o w h o w h e feels.

official title is 'Business M a n a g e r ' . S h e hassles Bill all day l o n g , w h i c h is alright because he enjoys it. L i z is the one w h o sends out invoices a n d tries (desperately) to make the books balance and ends meet (that's e n o u g h c l i c h e s ! ) .

A n y o n e k n o w where we can find a n odd ÂŁ5,000 for a n e w folding machine?

N

BILL G

is F E L I X editor: obvious by the haggard, w o r r i e d expression h e u s u a l l y carries a r o u n d w i t h h i m w h i l e t r y i n g to h o l d the office i n some k i n d of order. Sometimes he h i d e s this expression u n d e r h i s ' l o v e l y ' h a t , a n d gets pissed to forget that F E L I X exists.

If y o u n e e d to f i n d B i l l , look for someone wearing a hat a n d s w e a r i n g at the U n i o n , C o u n c i l , UFC, Pub Board...

DEAN VAUGHAN

* + Dean is the second permanent staff m e m b e r i n F E L I X . A r i g h t - o n rebel, h e ' l l talk politics all day if y o u let h i m . H e also sings. L o u d l y . A n d often.

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T

WENDY KITE

STEVE M

W e n d y j o i n e d the F E L I X at the start of the year a n d has risen to the exalted heights of Features Editor.

Just to make a change, she justifies this position by being good at it; her nice smile, sense of h u m o u r a n d skill at m a k i n g coffee are entirely incedental.

S t e v e ' s f u n c t i o n i n F E L I X is not clearly d e f i n e d , w h i c h means that he gets his nose into everything. H e produces arty layouts, i n d e p t h articles a n d r u d e features about other F E L I X staff members. Cheers, Steve, the cheque's i n the post. (I didn't write this - Steve)

, . / N

)

ANDY BANNISTER

R B D-

! ++

. A p a r t f r o m h i s official title, R o b also acts as N e w s Features Editor.

Starting o n FELIX this year, Rob has easily s l i p p e d into first place i n the fashion stakes w i t h an undisputable g o o d taste i n cravats.

(

D' G KING THE

)* " +*

Doug likes h i s cameras, he does.

I'm sure h i s conversations make sense, but all this talk about f45 a n d automatic shutter speed differentiation by a z o o m lens heatsink selector makes n o sense to m e.

The staff w o u l d love to have a serious talk w i t h the person w h o puts the psychedelic patches o n his jeans.

1

23 + + R0 E ATKINS

A n d y ' s namesake gives support to Rose, a permanent staff member, people g o i n g upstairs. A n d y gives is h u m a n , a point y o u might be support to anyone i n the office. H e doubting after looking at the 'photo. writes occasional pieces a n d gives invaluable h e l p w h e n bits of the extremely d o d g y F E L I X equipment falls apart. H e i s also w i t t y , attractive and modest, and he d id n't write this bit, honest.

FELIX

January 20 1989

n PHOENIX

C h a r l e s Brereton A s D e p u t y President, C h a s has taken responsibility for A c a d e m i c A f f a i r s , Overseas Student Welfare, financial estimates a n d overseeing the w o r k of the Finance Officer a n d U n i o n M a n a g e r i n areas of Bar, Snack Bar, U n i o n B u i l d i n g a n d other t r a d i n g outlets.

Regarding Academic Affairs, Chas was supremely qualified h a v i n g been the A c a d e m i c Affairs Officer and i n v o l v e d i n this area for three years p r e v i o u s l y ; e v e n so he appears to have been almost totally ineffectual. It was h o p e d that by splitting the sabbatical jobs a n d r e d u c i n g the a m o u n t of w o r k to be done by all of t h e m it w o u l d allow the sabs to succeed i n a few areas rather than dabble i n a n u m b e r .

Academic Affairs was an area w h i c h desperately needed attention a n d i n w h i c h C h a s c o u l d shine. A t the e n d of last year a sabbatical passed Chas the idea that students c o u l d be made ÂŁ55 better off by s huffling term dates a n d suggested that C h a s l o o k e d into it. A f e w m o n t h s later and C h a s has achieved n o t h i n g ; luckily N i g e l took over the idea a n d results are n o w bein g seen.

The C o l l e g e has laid d o w n limits for time-tabled hours of undergraduate courses a n d although a n u m b e r of timetables w h i c h break these limits have been submitted to C h a s n o t h i n g has been done.

O n e of the most important areas i n A c a d e m i c A f f a i r s concerns those students w h o fail a n d w h y . M u c h d i s c u s s i o n has take n place o n C o l l e g e c o m m i t t e e s about this matter, b u t n o one has any facts to go b y . In last year's a n n u a l reports C h a s was passed responsibility for r u n n i n g a n o n - g r a d u a t e questi o n n a i r e , yet w h i l e N i g e l has m a n a g e d to survey every College student for Welfare, C h a s has not been able to track d o w n the few w h o failed a n d I w o n d e r if he w o u l d k n o w w h a t to ask t h e m if he d i d .

In the area of Overseas Students C h a s was passed responsibility for the T h i r d W o r l d First student scholarship. A large a m o u n t of this scholarship h a d already been secured, but some crucial matters n e e d e d w o r k . Six m o n t h s have elapsed a n d C h a s w o u l d appear to have done n o t h i n g . W e are n o w reaching the stage where we m ay lose the g r o u n d p r e v i o u s l y gained and the programme instigation date w i l l definitely be put back, if it starts

January 20 1989

'Chas Brereton: almost totally at a l l .

W h i l s t the rents i n halls of residence were being discussed at an important U G M last term, it was proposed a n d eventually passed that Overseas Student fees s h o u l d subsidise H a l l rents. This is quite obviously discrimination against O v e r s e a s S t u d e n t s , yet C h a s Brereton's voice was not heard o n the matter. The vote was w o n by only one vote: Chas voted i n favour of the m o t i o n .

C h a s ' s w o r k i n the U n i o n Building has been outstandingly bad and I shall save m u c h of it for other articles, but it is exemplified by the case of the Central Staircase toilets.

T h e toilets were large, u n d e r u s e d and m e n o n l y , so an expensive alteration programme, to split them into m e n ' s a n d ladies' was started.

College pushed the work through at the most difficult time of the year so that the ladies' w o u l d be available for Freshers' W e e k .

Having organised this w i t h help f r o m the U n i o n Manager, C h a s failed to notice a lack of towels, paper dispensers or soap o n either the plans or the finished item: these toilets were almost unusable at the b e g i n n i n g of term a n d , despite many complaints, until approximately t w o weeks ago.

In o v e r v i e w i n g the w o r k of the U n i o n Manager the D P must make sure that the short term interests of the student are balanced properly against f i n a n c i a l g a i n so that students w i l l benefit i n the l o n g term. I w o u d suggest that u p until now Chas has failed i n this aspect

ineffectual?'

for both the students and the U n i o n , but that's another story.

F i n a l l y , a c c o r d i n g to his job description, Chas is responsible for security; there has been a n e w security lodge built i n the foyer of the U n i o n Building to house a guard promised by the College. That lodge has been unfilled for three m o n t h s now a n d last week S T O I C was broken into at a cost of several thousand pounds.

O n the other h a n d Chas was the only sabbatical that w o r k e d over the Christmas vacation, he took office earlier than the other sabs and has dedicated his year to the U n i o n .

Chas is an extremely amicable a n d friendly person w h e n he is not o n his h i g h horse about bein g D P a n d I believe he still c o u l d do the job well. In his first month or so i n office he w o r k e d alongside of me and I f o u n d h i m an excellent D e p u t y President. Chas does need guidance (often away f r o m games machines) and advice; his fellow sabs do not have the grounding i n the necessary areas to h e l p h i m out at the moment. N i g e l Baker does not have an u n d e r s t a n d i n g of balancing the interests of the students, even if he did r u n a bar, a n d Ian M o r r i s has never r u n a bar. A s a team they c o u l d manage to fill i n all their i n a d e q u a c i e s . It m i g h t m e a n w o r k i n g after 5.30pm, even w h e n there are not meetings, or o n weekends, but it definitely means working together, encouraging each other and not saying 'that's his job, he's to blame'. . Sorry boys but it h a d to be said.

FELIX

IPhoenix is the literary magazine of Imperial College. It was f o u n d e d i n 1886 by H . G . W e l l s u n d e r the title The Normal Schools Science Journal and n o w stumbles into its 102nd year w i t h me as n e w l y a p p o i n t e d editor. After an experiment last year w i t h a smaller issue published every term, it n o w returns to its original format of a s l i m , glossy b o o k published once a year, w h i c h I hope w i l l appear d u r i n g the s u m m e r term. A s for contents, it's really d o w n to y o u ; p o e m s , p r o s e , photographs, d r a w i n g s , serious or not so, I a m w i l l i n g to accept a n y t h i n g of w h a t I consider a literary nature. O n e hopes this w i l l be art i n the broadest sense of the w o r d . Y o u have u p u n t i l Easter to do something w h i c h y o u can send i n ( a n o n y m o u s l y or u n d e r a p s e u d o n y m if y o u wish) v i a the pigeonhole i n the FELDC Office or to me via Chem/Biochem 3 or Linstead H a l l . If y o u w a n t to d i s c u s s something w i t h me or perhaps are more interested i n the p r o d u c t i o n side of the magazine I w o u l d be only too h a p p y to talk to y o u , remember you have n o t h i n g to lose.

R<?y

OF IMPERIAL C O L L E G E ARE YOU COLOUR BLIND? If you are, or think you may be, please contact Tony Marland or Julie Savage on int. 6705 or through the Biophysics Department (Physics). We desperately need you to help in a simple, painless experiment.

FREE cup of coffee to all who join in

Page 11

n 567 4 A

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s d

S If y o u are b o r e d or confused by the rhetoric being blasted about o n student loans do not fear, this article is designed to i n f o r m the majority of students as to w h a t is actually h a p p e n i n g i n the c a m p a i g n against loans.

Firstly, a few questions have to be answered, the most important being w i l l a c a m p a i g n against loans actually achieve anything? That is, once the D E S a n d the G o v e r n m e n t have set their m i n d s o n the idea is there a n y t h i n g anyone can d o to stop t h e m . Past cases s h o w there is: the best e x a m p l e being the proposed changes i n g u n Laws after the M i c h e a l R y a n affair. A l l political parties a n d 80% of the electorate were b e h i n d the legislation. B u t t h e n the G u n L o b b y stepped i n i n w h a t has become" one of the most notorious bits of l o b b y i n g out: the G o v e r n m e n t then d r o p p e d the bill.

T he W h i t e paper o n student loans h a r d l y has the same support to start with.

S e c o n d l y , s h o u l d we actually try to block the w h i t e paper? Ignoring the ideological arguments as to w h e t h e r or n o t the G o v e r n m e n t o u g h t to be committed to fully funding students i n higher e d u c a t i o n o r whether alternative sources of f u n d i n g s h o u l d be f o u n d for students, the figures b e h i n d the w h i t e paper are based o n averages.

T he average student being male, w h i t e , a n u n d e r g r a d u a t e at a provincial university, whose parents have combined e a r n i n g s of s o m e w h e r e i n the region of £19000 and w h o gets £214 a year over a n d above w h a t he s h o u l d d o f r o m his parents. H e also spends £20.50 a week rent (86/87 prices) a n d spends the h o l i d a y s at h o m e . The average student w o u l d not be too adversely affected b y the proposals i n the white paper except that they'll walk out of higher education o w i n g the g o v e r n m e n t a r o u n d £1,600.

O f course if you're not the average student (ie y o u ' r e i n L o n d o n , a w o m a n , a postgraduate, o n a parttime course o r y o u receive n o parental support) the chances are y o u w o u l d be m u c h worse off under the p r o p o s e d system. It has been

Page 12

said that postgraduate grants w i l l not be frozen but postgrads w i l l not be entitled to any benefits w h i c h sort of kicks part-time courses i n the goolies. N a t u r a l l y I d o n ' t have to point out that rents a r o u n d S o u t h K e n s i n g t o n are n o t £ 2 0 . 5 0 o n average. F r o m the paper that Ian M o r r is presented to governing body last m o n t h (which was based o n the Research Service L t d " U n d e r graduate Income a n d Expenditure S u r v e y " , w h i c h is what the white paper is based on) the average L o n d o n student w o u l d be £1,510 worse off(on top of what they w o u l d o w e the Government) at the e n d of their course, ie w i t h total debts of more than £3,000 over a n d above the normal figures n o w . If y o u went to an institute outside L o n d o n this w o u l d be nearer £1,600 (90/91 levels).

E v e n if y o u t h i n k loans are the best t h i n g since s l i c e d b r e a d , actually reading the white paper flawed s h o w s it is a seriously d o c u m e n t ( i r r e s p e c t i v e of i t s ideological basis) a n d s h o u l d not be presented to parliament, this is w h y w e s h o u l d campaign against it.

What is being done: W h a t the U n i o n is d o i n g : A s has already been m e n t i o n e d our H o n Sec h a s submitted a paper to G o v e r n i n g B o d y about the L o n d o n factor, i n p r i n c i p a l this w i l l be ratified w h e n they have checked that he is not a creative accountant.

A w o r k i n g party f r o m G o v e r n i n g b o d y w i l l then be set u p to decide IC policy o n the L o n d o n factor a m o n g other things. O t h e r w i s e the U n i o n is d o i n g w h a t it has been mandated to: departments are being p o l l e d o n the p r o p o s e d half day s h u t d o w n o n the 19th. S o far all years p o l l e d have said y e s to it ( G e o l o g y l , Life Sci 1, M e c h E n g 3 & 4, Elec E n g 3 & 4, C h e m E n g 4, M a t h s 1, C h e m 1, Physics 3, D O C 2 as of 2 p m T u e s d a y ) . A l l departments w i l l have been p o l l e d

by Wednesday. Also o n the T h u r s d a y of the 19th the R T . H o n .

Peter Brooke, M P for Westminster S o u t h a n d C h a i r m a n of t h e Conservative Party w i l l come and..

give a short talk f o l l o w e d b y questions o n his v i e w s o n loans.

This will be at 1pm and U n i o n cards w i l l be needed for entrance.

A petition is being sent r o u n d a n d s h o u l d be w i t h y o u r D e p Reps (if y o u haven't seen it please hassle them). This w i l l be h a n d e d into Parliament o n the afternoon of the s h u t d o w n , so please sign it. A l s o if you are concerned about the current proposals (if y o i i are a first year y o u should be) write a letter to your o w n M P or the D E S a n d this can be h a n d e d i n at the same time (meet Parliament Square 3pm).

O n the external front, U L U are organising a march o n the 1st February ( t h e last d a y of submissions o n the white paper) w h i c h our exec are going o n . The march is from Finsbury Circus i n the C i t y (Moorgate tube) to Shorditch Park (the centre of the universe, but the o n l y route the police w o u l d allow the march to g o w i t h o u t i n v o k i n g the public order bill). A n d if y o u ' r e really keen w e need stewards o n the day, see m e if y o u ' r e interested. T h e N U S are nationally organising a march o n the 25th of February f r o m Victoria to K e n n i n g t o n Park where there w i l l be a 'festival' like at the e n d of the anti apartheid march (I reckon w e ought to s u p p l y a beer tent). C o operation w i t h the N U S is r u n n i n g into problems (from their e n d , U L U have also h a d some problems w i t h the N U S exec about the 1st of February), so no more details are known.

O n M o n d a y G r i f f R h y s Jones made his debut w i t h the R o y a l O p e r a at Covent Garden Yes, y o u d i d read it r i g h t . . . . s e r i o u s l y !

In distinguished operatic company the irrepressible M r Jones delighted a first night audience by his recreation of the comic role of Frosch, the jailer, i n a production of Johann Strauss' popular opera, ' D i e Fledermaus'. The role of Frosch (a speaking o n l y part, I s h o u l d add!) is traditionally taken by a comedian.

In E n g l a n d C l i v e D u n n , A r t h u r E n g l i s h a n d even Frankie H o w e r d have p l a y e d the (usually drunken) gaoler. H o w e v e r , i n this n e w , E n g l i s h vers io n, b y writer John M o r t i m e r (of Rumpole fame), Frosch stands o n a n island of d i s g r u n t l e d and holier-than-thou sobriety i n a sea of champagne a n d h i g h jinks.

This treatment w o r k e d w e l l despite obvious first night nerves a n d those of us i n the cheapest seats enjoyed the jokes about our 'restricted v i e w ' of the stage a n d the u n s c r u p u l o u s Covent Garden 'Champagne pushers' charging £4 a glass a n d £25 a bottle.

Purist concerns that the Viennese flavour w o u l d be lost i n a n a l l English interpretation were o u t w e i g h e d b y some g o o d oneliners i n the n e w translation a n d hilarious use of the controversial subtitles w h e n two imposters were speaking cod F r e n c h . O f course, w h e n singing i n a language that the audience understands, extra effort i n enunciation is necessary so the audience does understand!

Generally the diction was g o o d as was the comic riming. Best all r o u n d was the w o n d e r f u l T h o m a s A l l e n (newly C B E ) . H o w e v e r , there was no weak l i n k i n the soloist line u p .

N o t a b l y , C l a i r e P o w e l l (Prince Orlofsky) managed a difficult part w e l l . The A m e r i c a n , C a r o l Vaness, as Rosalinde was definitely a case of The N U S is also trying to organise 'She w h o must be o b e y e d ' . L i l l i a n a national s h u t d o w n o n the 16th of Wats on's A d e l e was as i m p i s h as February a n d are liasing w i t h the A U T , N U P E etc about it. O u r she h a d been o n the Coliseum stage, t h o u g h n o t always i n tune, b u t participation i n this w i l l probably be Denis O ' N e i l was an entertaining decided at the U G M o n the 31st. and c o n v i n c i n g Italian (Welsh!)

Finally U L U are t r y i n g to come u p tenor b o t h theatrically a n d vocally. w i t h possible alternative proposals to i n c r e a s e access t o h i g h e r In conclusion, the 'bat's revenge' education, w h i c h the white paper was a n u n q u a l i f i e d success a n d I does not do. Of course if y o u get the look f o r w a r d to seeing it later i n the current maximum parental r u n w h e n it has settled d o w n . B y contribution of £4,900 this probably n o w y o u s h o u l d be c o n v i n c e d , so I doesn't concern y o u . advise y o u to get d o w n to the box

FELIX

Hal Calamvokis GUC delegate, ULU FCC.

office i n Floral Street.

R e m a i n i n g performances: 21st, Tue 24th.

Sat

January 20 1989

<F @C ? @9 T u n e i n to I C R a d i o every M o n d a y m o r n i n g f r o m 8am to 9.15am for the freshest start to the week. Filled w i t h m a n y of the regular features f r o m last y e a r i n c l u d i n g t h e infamous 9.05 classic, this w i l l prove a tasty s a n d w i c h i n the lunchbox of life.

s and S i m o n Evans got through to the quarter finals a n d Caroline Bott to the ladies finals, she p u t u p a g o o d fight a n d eventually came sixth.

The foil o n Saturday saw 4 m e n and 3 ladies i n action. A l l the m e n made it t h r o u g h to the t h i r d r o u n d jwith G u l l y B u r n s o n t o p f o r m a n d Caroline to the ladies quarter finals.

Selina W a r d got to the ladies semis, w h i l e L i z C l a r k went o n a n d came 5th i n the finals.

THE SPORE PAGE

T h i s is a w a r n i n g f o r a l l y o u people out there. W a t c h out! A l s o this is a r e m i n d e r to listen to I C Radio every Thursday at 1pm for the 'Fast Trouser S h o w ' . A s usual it will be smattered w i t h a s p r i n k l i n g of Mike's Handy Tips, media m u d d l e s , a n d competitions galore w h e r e m u g s c a n w i n a signed l i m i t e d e d i t i o n poster a n d even a n a l b u m — w i t h a n occasional ' G a r r y G r e e n ' p o p p i n g u p here a n d there, y o u can be assured of a really g o o d read of y o u r favourite textbook.

Remember n o FT, n o c o m m e n t.

P S . A n F T t i p : If y o u are h a v i n g problems w i t h y o u r flatmates barging into your room w h e n you're b u s y , t r y p l a y i n g Wet Wet Wet. G u a r a n t e e d to send every d r i p running.

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Finally the sabre. A d a m Sadler w o n a bout b u t b o t h h e a n d Ian Draper were knocked out i n the first r o u n d . Dave M a t t h e w s went o n to the quarter finals. In the ladies b o t h Caroline Bott a n d Selina W a r d were k n o c k e d out i n the semis. L i z C l a r k w o n the g o l d v e r y c o n v i n c i n g l y i n the final.

Special congratulations go to S i m o n f o r d a r i n g t o preside t h e ladies sabre. T h a n k s to D a v e a n d Ian for getting us there—somehow!

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Irrelevant picture This was u n d o u b t e d l y the best performance of the season a n d keeps I C first o n course for their best season ever.

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IC—4 Southampton—3 IC stormed into the last 16 of the U A U w i t h a scintillating display of 'total football' that left h i g h l y rated Southampton shell-shocked. Back at full-strength for the first time i n six weeks a n d determined to i m p r o v e o n the d i s m a l f o r m of recent weeks, IC started strongly and were two u p w i t h i n fifteen minutes after spectacular strikes from Pip Peel and B y r o n W o o d . S o u t h a m p t o n then began to w a k e u p a n d p u l l e d one back but fell t w o b e h i n d again o n There's little to say about the b u y i n g club except that w e get the half h o u r w h e n P a u l O l d e n drilled home a header from a corner. records a n d pre-recorded tapes for Southampton pressed forward once £5 or £ 6 , C D ' s for about £ 9 a n d good more a n d e n s u r e d a n exciting discounts o n blank tapes, videos, second half w h e n they s p r u n g the accessories, etc. Orders can be made IC offside trap to score o n the stroke o n Tuesdays a n d T h u r s d a y s i n the of half-time.

U n i o n S C R (first floor of U n i o n ) at 12.30pm, a n d collected o n the The pace of the game quickened following Thursday. somewhat after t h e interval a n d there were chances at both ends but The first demonstration for this the score remained the same until t e r m w i l l be g i v e n b y L i n n o n twenty minutes from the e n d w h e n Tuesday January 24. T h ey w i l l be a S o u t h a m p t o n free kick, albeit s h o w i n g off some of their deflected, f o u n d its w a y past a e q u i p m e n t , probably the Sondek rather static S i H o l d e n . W i t h the LP12 a n d A x i s turntables a n d their scores n o w level IC heads d i p p e d amplifiers a n d loudspeakers. T h e t e m p o r a r i l y , b u t captain N i g e l d e m o w i l l be h e l d i n the H o l l a n d Collier rallied his m e n , first hitting C l u b f u n c t i o n r o o m at 7.30pm. T o the bar w i t h a delicate lob a n d t h e n get t o t h e r o o m y o u must go t h r o u g h the H o l l a n d C l u b a n d out beating four m e n a n d d u m m y i n g the keeper to resotre the lead. W i t h the exit at the back. ten minutes still r e m a i n i n g .

A n y o n e interested i n the Society Southampton threw everything is w e l c o m e to come along to a n y of f o r w a r d but were thwarted b y solid the meetings o n Tuesdays a n d d e f e n d i n g a n d a vital save f r o m S i T h u r s d a y s i n the U n i o n S C R or H o l d e n i n the last minute to atone come to t h e demonstration next for his earlier error. week.

The A u d i o Society has t w o m a i n functions, to promote good hi-fi and to r u n a b u y i n g c l u b g i v i n g discounts o n records, tapes, C D ' s , etc. T h e first objective is achieved through demonstrations by manufacturers a n d b y l e n d i n g the Society's o w n equipment to members.

Most of the demonstrations w i l l be of British h i fi since it's usually m u c h better than the majority of Japanese h a r d w a r e that floods the market.

January 20 1989

t This term's indoor nets commence on Thursday January 19th at 7-8pm, and continue every Thursday of this term.

It is n o w important for all serious cricketers to attend these nets, a very full fixture list is already p l a n n e d , coupled w i t h this, a n indoor tournament is also confirmed for this term.

There is r o o m for about twenty people to attend each week. To give some idea of h o w m a n y to expect it w o u l d be very h e l p f u l if people c o u l d s i g n u p o n t he C r i c k e t noticeboard (between the U n i o n Bar and the U n i o n Snack Bar). for all net sessions meet i n the M e c h E n g Foyer at 5.45pm, o r indicate o n the noticeboard if y o u i n t e n d to go direct.

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n W e arrived i n A b e r w y s t w y t h after an eventful j o u r n e y d o w n the M 4 and over the mountains a n d headed out for a chippie a n d p u b i n true fashion.

The epee o n Friday h e l d several surprises—a couple of star turns failed to shine, however, Ian Droper

FELIX

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The Squash C l u b w i l l be h o l d i n g a knockout competition with A m e r i c a n scoring (all can compete o n an equal basis). S p o n s o r s h i p for this has not yet been finalised, but may be f o r t h c o m i n g f r o m G o u d i e International, the team's sponsor.

The competition w i l l be h e l d some throughout term, with W e d n e s d a y afternoon court time put aside specifically f o r i t . A n y members that are interested s h o u l d s i g n the sheet o n the Sports Centre noticeboard w i t h both name a n d membership number.

T o change t h e subject, Stuart Farrar, the G o u d i e representative and coach is offering coaching to members. Standards c an v a r y f r o m intermediate to team standard. It takes the f o r m of practicing routines i n groups of four per court, a n d is r e a s o n a b l y f i t n e s s b a s e d (as o p p o s e d to r e c e i v i n g i n t e n s i v e technique tuition). Cost w i l l be about £ 2 0 w i t h places strictly l i m i t e d , g i v e n o n a first-come firsts e r v e d basis. T h o s e interested s h o u l d sign the list o n the Sports Centre noticeboard (name a n d number) a n d t u r n u p at 5.45pm, Friday 20/27 January w i t h kit a n d a cheque book.

D C L U B ' S EDITOR

Ask in FELIX for details Page 13

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Kung Fu 4.30pm U n i o n G y m . Beginners welcome.

R C S U Night in the Bar 7.00pm Union Bar.

A guide to events i n a n d a r o u n d IC.

MONDAY

FRIDAY

Southside U p p e r L o u n g e . A n y o n e ; interested i n any form of rock music come along.

Artsoc Meeting 12.30pm U n i o n S C R . S i g n u p for s h o w s.

Membership £2.

Yacht Club Meeting 12.30pm Upstairs in Southside.

W.I.S.T. Meeting 12.30pm Green Committee Room. A l l welcome.

Consoc Meeting 12.30pm ME569.

Friday Jamaa Prayer 1.00pm Southside G y m .

Christian Union Meeting 5.30pm 308 H u x l e y . T i m e for prayer, w o r s h i p a n d discussion.

Poetry Readings 6.30pm U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n School of O r i e n t a l a n d A f r i c a n Studies Room G57.

G L C Club Outing 8.00pm M e e t i n U n i o n Snack Bar for trip to R o n n i e Scotts. U n l i m i t e d places.

Fencing Club 12.30pm U n i o n G y m . M e e t i n g also at 6 o'clock.

Rock Soc Meeting

I 12.30pm

Audiosoc Meeting 12.30pm U n i o n S C R . C h e a p records a n d tapes etc.

Roman Catholic Mass 12.40pm M e c h E n g 702. M a s s f o l l o w e d b y lunch.

50p.

Ski Club Meeting 12.45pm Southside L o u n g e . Interested i n learning to ski? A l r e a d y hooked?

W a n t to try racing? C o m e a n d f i n d out more.

3rd World First 1.00pm 4th Floor, E n v Tech, 38 Prince's Gardens.

Beatles Hour 1.00pm For all the best Beatle a n d Beatlerelated material o n C d w i t h Spenser Lane.

SATURDAY Karate 10.00am S o u t h s i d e G y m . Beginners w e l c o m e . B u i l d y o u r fitness a n d •confidence.

4.30pm IC K u n g F u S o u t h s i d e G y m . Beginners always welcome.

Southside Bar Birthday Party 8.00pm E v e r y o n e w e l c o m e to celebrate eight years of d r i n k i n g i n Southside.

CHEESE mm

I C C A G Meeting 12.45pm Rag Office.

A l l welcome.

Recitation of Holy Qur'an 1.30pm 9 Prince's Gardens (Basement).

Basketball Club 5.30pm Volleyball Court (behind Chemistry Building).

All welcome.

Improvers Ballroom 6.00pm JCR. 80p.

Beginners Rock V Roll 6.45pm UDH. 80p.

"Advanced Ballroom 7.00pm JCR. 80p.

Karate 7.00pm Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. B u i l d y o u r fitness a n d confidence.

G L C Club Outing 8.00pm Meet U n i o n Snack Bar. 30 places for t r i p to see ' W o g a n ' . F R E E .

Latin American Dance Class 8.00pm U D H . C h a , Samba, Rumba, etc. 80p

TUESDAY PARTY C U Prayer 8.15am Hi EM OFFICE 308 H u x l e y . F o r those w h o think is more important than sleep.

IWpm TODAY (Friday) prayer Free.

small financial contribution EVERYONE WELCOME

Page 14

9.00pm Lounge. welcome.

WEDNESDAY Caving Club Meeting 1.00pm Hamsoc Meeting 1.15pm T h i r d Floor of U n i o n B u i l d i n g .

A m a t e u r R a d i o Society regular weekly meeting.

Intermediate Rock ' n ' Roll Class 2.15pm UDH. 80p.

3.15pm Jazz Dance Class UDH. 80p.

Karate 3.30pm Southside Gym. Beginners w e l c o m e . B u i l d y o u r fitness a n d confidence.

Open Circle Study 4.30pm 9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic Soc. Kung F u 7.30pm U n i o n G y m . Grandmaster C K Chang's class.

Basic Christianity 6.30pm Senior C o m m o n R o o m , 7th Floor.

A meeting held by University Christian O u t r e a c h e x a m i n i n g the life a n d claims of Jesus.

THURSDAY

SUNDAY Sunday Service 10.00am Sherheld Building. Roman , C a t h o l i c C h a p l a i n to preach at West L o n d o n C h a p l a i n c y Communion.

Sunday Mass '...11.90am, West L o n d o n Catholic C h a p l a i n c y , M o r e H o u s e , 53 C r o m w e l l R o a d . A l s o at 6 p m ( f o l l o w e d b y bar supper). A l l welcome.

Wargames l.C'.'pm Senior C o m m o n R o o m . A l l Welcome.

Mountaineering Club Meeting Southside Upper Beginners always

Boardsailing Club Southside

12.30pm Lounge.

Qur'an Tradition of Prophet 1.30pm 9 Prince's Gardens.

Amnesty Meeting 5.30pm B r o w n Committee R o o m (top floor Union Building).

M e d i t a t i v e Prayer 5.45pm C h a p l a i n ' s O f f i c e , 10 P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s . C o m e a n d join us for some peace a n d quiet. See West London Chaplaincy.

Wine Tasting 6.00pm U n i o n D i n i n g H a l l . B l i n d tasting competition.

6.00pm Beginners B a l l r o o m JCR. 80p.

All welcome.

Judo 6.30pm U n i o n G y m . A l l grades. N o more complete beginners.

Karate 7.00pm Southside Gym. Beginners welcome. B u i l d y o u r fitness a n d confidence.

Intermediate B a l l r o o m 7.00pm JCR. 80p.

C a v i n g Club M e e t i n g 7.00pm Southside Upper Lounge. Everyone interested s h o u l d come a l o n g .

A u d i o s o c Demonstration..7.30pm Holland Club Function Room.

Demonstration b y L i n n Products Ltd. Improvers B a l l r o o m 8.00pm •JCR. 80p.

FELIX

Fencing Club 12.30pm U n i o n G y m . M e e t i n g also at 6 o'clock 12.30pm I C Y H A Meeting Southside U p p e r Lounge. Everyone welcome.

Audiosoc Meeting 12.30pm U n i o n S C R . C h e a p records, tapes etc.

Ski Club 12.45pm Southside Lounge.

Debating Society 1.00pm Room 341 M a t h s (Huxley).

Arabic Lessons 1.30pm 9 Prince's Gardens. See Islamic Soc. Prayer Meeting 5.30pm C h a p l a i n ' s O f f i c e , 10 P r i n c e ' s G a r d e n s . A l l Christians i n College are welcome to come a n d pray f o r the w o r k of Christians i n College.

Judo 6.30pm U n i o n G y m . N o more beginners.

Soup Run 9.15pm Meet W e e k ' s H a l l Basement (back by 11pm).

S X Collation's lots of fun If you're not a current bun Lots of bits of paper That taste like chocolate wafers Bill will give you wine If we finish up on time.

-a very famous poet. f m

January 20 1989

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as Dean.

If y o u were at the C a r n i v a l o n Friday y o u w i l l have noticed R C S cooking burgers again, it p r o v e d to be a successful night w i t h the rain h o l d i n g off until four seconds after the last burger h a d been s o l d !

H o w e v e r , we are still l o o k i n g into D P ' s bit for Felix selling 351bs of onions a n d about 1) K e y system: A s y o u may k n o w , fifteen jars of D i j o n m u s t a r d , The C & G Casino at the Carnival last we have h a d a n e w k e y system a n y o n e interested? L a s t w e e k Friday was a great success—over installed i n the U n i o n B u i l d i n g . should have seen the R C S Rag Tour 23,000 gambling chips were g i v e n C l u b s a n d Societies w h o as yet (Northern), unfortunately due to away or 'bought'—the tables were haven't conatcted me as regards lack of drivers last weekend it has c r o w d e d all night and at one point getting keys for their members had to be postponed until the first we even h a d to limit entry as the s h o u l d do so as soon as possible. A w e e k e n d i n February.

C a s i n o w a s so p o p u l a r . T h e £25 refundable deposit is payable for That is what has h a p p e n e d but f o l l o w i n g people w o n prizes: E A C H K E Y issued. what have we got i n store for the Grant Barta ( A I F S ) - W a l k m a n 2) Bar Prices: A s a result of the rest of this term? O n February 10th with radio (score 2123) recent pay awards, w h i c h were u p we w i l l be h o l d i n g the A n n u a l R C S Craig Ridderkhof (Physics 1)— to f 2 % , it has been necessary to D i n n e r , there w i l l be a celebrity W a l k m a n (score 2100) increase beer prices by about 3p per guest speaker and tickets w i l l be John Sears ( M E 1 ) — C h a m p a g n e pint. U n i o n Bar prices are still going o n sale soon, priced just (score 1205) substantially cheaper than the local under £20. A l s o o n sale this term J D e r r y (CE2)—Jim Beam W h i s k y pubs. will be tickets fro the highlight of the (score 1205) 3) Lecturer Questionnaire: This w i l l year, the S i l w o o d Ball o n M a y 5th, (AIFS)-£10 Margaret M u r p h y be r u n again this term as last year. the price of these w i l l be £ 5 5 . record token (score 1135) Your Departmental Rep will arrange Finally, near the end of this term The prizes can be collected f r o m Student L o a n s . B y the time this specific dates and times for y o u to will be the R C S trip abroad, this year W e n d y (ICU). B r i n g some I D . comes out I w i l l have met w i t h Pete fill i n the forms. U n l i k e last year, we are going to A m s t e r d a m , it's an Finally, thanks to everyone w h o Mee, the College's Registrar, to go which was just a pilot r u n to test the amazing city so d o save u p y o u r helped out. over the figures presented i n m y mechanics of r u n n i n g a Collegepennies and be sure to go o n this Chris Home, C&GU Ents. paper on the effect of student loans wide lecturer questionnaire, and the one.

P S . W e ' r e getting some square o n those s t u d y i n g i n L o n d o n . results of w h i c h were only issued to So, until next time, this is Dave chips next time so there w a s n ' t any Subsequent to this, a G o v e r n i n g staff members, this year results w i l l the V P signing off. point i n k e e p i n g the o l d ones!

B o d y w o r k i n g party is being set u p be p u b l i s h e d in f u l l . to assess h o w best to d e f e n d 4) Security in the U n i o n B u i l d i n g : students i n L o n d o n against this and A s a result of recent thefts from club a m u l t i t u d e of other ' s i n s ' . storerooms and lockers, I w i l l be instigating r a n d o m checks of U n i o n C a r n i v a l . M a y 1 apologise to cards a n d C l u b membership cards anyone w h o c o u l d n ' t get i n o n (where appplicable). Please ensure Friday e v e n i n g . Unfortunately we that y o u have y o u r card o n y o u at had sold out to the fire capacity limit all times. Y o u r co-operation is by 9.45pm a n d h a d to a l l o w ticket appreciated. holders o n l y to enter.

Charles Brereton, Deputy President This gave rise to a number of problems, namely people t r y i n g to break into the b u i l d i n g f r o m the back a n d t r y i n g to force the front gates o p e n . D u e to these actions, a n u m b e r of complaints have been lodged w h i c h may jeopardise future bar extensions and/or prevent us f r o m h o l d i n g C a r n i v a l s again.

Thanks to everybody that helped, particularly Chas Brereton a n d Jon D e n h a m for m a n n i n g the gates and A n e w year, a n e w term a n d a n e w to the W i n g C h u n security for what case of listeria for that coq au v i n must have been a trying night. you thought w o u l d keep from last term. So far there has been a lot I n d u s t r i a l Relations C o m m i t t e e . h a p p e n i n g R C S - w i s e . T h e most The I R C are meeting (for the first important new change is the sad time) o n W e d n e s d a y January 25 to departure of Professor John A l b e r y decide its aims etc. as D e a n of the R o y a l College of Science. Prof A l b e r y is off to W r e s t l i n g . Tickets priced £2.50 pastures n e w i n O x f o r d , he has and £ 4 (ringside) are available f r o m been a p o p u l a r D e a n b r i n g i n g new m y office. Please support this event light to both the R C S U handbook and i n c o m pering the S m o k i n g as all profits w i l l be going to charity as w e l l as being a dead g o o d l a u g h .

Concert last year. H e has been replaced by Professor Jim Barber of D o n ' t forget the S u p e r b o w l o n S u n d a y i n the L o u n g e at 9.30pm Pure a n d A p p l i e d Biology, we are and the Scotland, Wales R u g b y all l o o k i n g forward to meeting and International tomorrow in the Snack w o r k i n g w i t h Prof Barber a n d w i s h Bar at 2 p m . h i m as m u c h success as Prof A l b e r y

s s

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S

ICRFC IN LAST 16 OF THE UAU

1st X V vs, N E W C A S T L E 2nd X V vs C A R D I F F

s

C & G 1st X V vs E X E T E R

AT HARLINGTON (NEAR HEATHROW)

Y

FREE

TRANSPORT

MEET BEIT QUAD 12.30, BUS LEAVES 1.00 MR & FOOD AVAILABLE IN CLUE HOUSE COME AW CHEER US TO VICWRY, WE'RE PLAYING FOR YOU

January 20 1989

FELIX

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continued

Imperial, noted that M r Baker's plans were particularly unfair in that they did not differentiate between universities inside and outside London. M r Robert Rhodes-James, Conservative M P for Cambridge, wholeheartedly supported the lobby. He claimed to be one of the few Tory back-benchers who are fighting the loan system and said that with student support in the form of letters and lobbies a reversal of the scheme may be possible.

Lynne Golding, Labour M P for Newcastle-Under-Lyme, claimed that although the Labour Party sympathised with students there is 'nothing they can do.' She said, 'Mrs Thatcher will push it through anyway,' and described the scheme as 'depressing'. A number of other Labour MPs expressed their support for the student action and said they would attempt to block the paper.

ICU H o n Sec Ian Morris, whose report 'Student Loans: The London Factor' initiated much interest in the loans issue by Imperial students, was very pleased with the event and said it would 'do a lot more good than the N U S march last November.'

Stewart Jackson announced his resignation from his position as President of the University of London Union (ULU) at an Emergency General Union Council (GUC) on Wednesday. His resignation was followed by a vote of no confidence in Mr Jackson in a move designed to clarify the position of U L U with the University of London.

Mr Jackson was accused by members of G U C of having no respect for his executive, the Consituent Colleges and G U C .

In a short defensive speech, Mr Jackson admitted to claims that he had made 'political capital' from his position as President. He claimed that U L U was 'a politically bankrupt organisation.'

Responding to accusations that he had failed to support U L U ' s campaign against Student Loans he said that the Union should be 'realistic' in its approach. 'I haven't sold anyone out on Student Loans,' he added later.

As one of four Conservative Student Union Presidents in the country, M r Jackson told the meeting, 'You're bound to be frustrated by 10 years of Tory Government.' He claimed that, as interview in last Friday's Times a beagle hunt.' a left-wing dominated group, Higher Education Supplement Mr Jackson retains his Student Unions will be wiped out (THES). membership as student by the Government. 'They'll say representative on several London Without informing other members you've got no political credibility,' University Committees including of the U L U executive, Mr Jackson he said. told THES of his intention to resign, Court and Senate since he is

Jackson out, Jones in

U L U ' s executive is reported to have been furious at M r Jackson's

l A motion calling for the abolition of Union GeneBd Meetings (UGM's) has been put forward to Monday's Union Council for discussion. The motion has been tabled by the working party looking into the problems of merger between Imperial College Union and St Mary's Hospital Medical School Union and is designed to overcome the difficulties students from St Mary's would have attending U G M ' s at the Imperial site.

The motion states that Council, as opposed to U G M ' s should become the supreme decision making body of the Union. Under the proposal, non-Council members will be allowed to submit motions to Council provided that they have 150 seconders. Elections for Union costs

saying that 'being a Conservative in student politics is like being a fox at

registered with them in name, rather than under his post.

s

will be carried out by 'election meetings' held at Imperial and St Mary's. Non members of Council will be permitted to observe Council meetings and to request speaking rights.

Deputy President Chas Brereton told FELIX that the working party had considered a number of alternatives to abolishing U G M ' s including holding separate C C U U G M ' s and alternating the site of U G M ' s between IC and St Mary's as but had rejected them impractical.

'If we had U G M ' s only at IC we w o u l d be accused of being undemocratic' he said.

Mr Brereton went on to say that the requirement for motions to have 150 seconders would give proposals

'more credibility.' He added that the problem of Union Officers not being accountable to ordinary students could be 'easily alleviated by ensuring that officers' reports are pinned up on a notice board.'

The motion also calls for the St Mary's residence, Wilson House, to be prioritised as accommodation for medical students with the rest of IC's accommodation being prioritised for non medical students and calls for representation for St Mary's and the other C C U ' s on U L U ' s General Union Council (GUC).

If the motion is approved by Council it will be forwarded to the next Union General Meeting for discussion.

BRITISH RED C R O S S SOCIETY IMPERIAL COLLEGE First A i d Course

A standard First Aid Course under the Health and Safety at Work Act will be held on Monday 23rd January 1989. If you are interested, come along to the Holland Club at 6pm Hope to see you then.

Roger Serpell, Group Leader

FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication BoardSandis printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). Editor: Bill Goodwin. Business Manager:Liz Warren. Advertising Manager: Nick Jones. Copyright FELIX 1988 ISSN 1040-0711.

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