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s . A meeting of the Imperial College U n i o n E x e c u t i v e ( I C U Exec) yesterday decided to postpone vote c o u n t i n g i n the Imperial College Union Elections following allegations that the St M a r y ' s U n i o n Executive attempted to unfairly influencs the result of the election. The allegations w i l l be brought before the U n i o n G e n e r a l M e e t i n g ( U G M ) at I C o n T h u r s d a y w h e n students w i l l be asked to decide whether the votes cast by St M a r y ' s s h o u l d be d i s a l l o w e d . The move follows the discovery of a poster at St M a r y ' s - labelled w i t h the official U n i o n emblem - asking s t u d e n t s to v o t e f o r A n d r e w M e r e d i t h for President, Dave W i l l i a m s for H o n o r a r y Secretary and Dave Smedley for FELIX Editor. (Mr W i l l i a m s is actually standing for D e p u t y President). St M a r y ' s U n i o n Secretary, G r a h a m Price, w h o admitted he had put u p the poster told FELIX that he was acting as an i n d i v i d u a l a n d not on behalf of St M a r y ' s U n i o n . This is disputed by six St M a r y ' s students contacted separate-ly b y F E L I X yesterday w h o claimed that they had been advised h o w to vote at a U n i o n meeting. The student responsible for m a n n i n g the ballot box at S M H M S on M o n d a y told F E L I X that a n u m b e r of students h a d taken their ballot papers w a y i n order to ascertain " t h e manner in w h i c h they w e r e s u p p o s e d to v o t e " a n d returned t h e m subsequently. T h e poster w a s reported to the I C U E l e c t i o n s C o m m i t t e e last M o n d a y by R o b i n D a v i s o n w h o is standing for the post of F E L I X Editor. The Committee f o u n d the St M a r y ' s E x e c to h a v e 'acted
ISSUE 831
irresponsibly to prejudice election' and to discount Mary's.
and i n a manner likely the outcome of the subsequently decided the votes f r o m St
The decision was challenged b y A n d r e w M e r e d i t h , a candidate for President proposed by S M H M S U President, P h i l D r e w . A l t h o u g h the decision was u p h e l d by a meeting of the I C U n i o n Executive, M r M e r e d i t h decided to exercise his right to b r i n g the matter before a U G M . Speaking from St M a r y ' s he commented 'It's a complete travesty of democracy. I d o not feel the poster affected the v o t i n g . ' G r a h a m Price told F E L I X that he had not been i n f o r m e d of the rules
of the voting p r o c e d u r e . H e a d d e d that as St M a r y ' s is not as yet a Constituent College of Imperial it i s not answerable to I C election rules.In response, Ian M o r r i s t o l d F E L I X that by 'similar argument' IC were w i t h i n their rights to discount the St M a r y ' s v o t e s . P h i l D r e w said that he was u n h a p p y that St M a r y ' s U n i o n were not consulted before the IC Exec decision a n d said that it w o u l d have serious effects o n the merger negotiations. IC R e t u r n i n g Officer, Ian M o r r i s , told Felix that he felt the poster was 'the provable tip of the iceberg.' H e a d d e d that he felt confident that Thursday's U n i o n General M e e t i n g w o u l d u p h o l d the IC Exec decision.
s k A case of Legionnaires disease i n College was confirmed o n Friday by the College Secretary, John S m i t h . Water based cooling towers throughout the College a n d the Science M u s e u m have been shut d o w n since the w e e k e n d as a precaution. A telecomunications engineer o n the College staff was admitted to St M a r y ' s Hospital two weeks ago, but the disease was not confirmed until last Friday. A security guard from the Science M u s e u m was admitted on the same day and is exhibiting symptoms of the disease. H e has been i n isolation since February 17th.
In the statement c o n f i r m i n g the the outbreak, M r Smith stressed that no evidence has been yet f o u n d of the presence of the bacteria w i t h i n College. H e also stated that 'personto-person infection is u n k n o w n ' . A l l recent outbreaks of the disease have been associated with ventilation cooling towers similar to those used by College. The incubation period for the illness is 2-10 days a n d the College Health Service Director has advised all students a n d staff suffering any of the s ym p to m s, w h i c h include chest pains on breathing, high fever or nausea, to take t h e m seriously.
The Union were right in their decision to disallow the votes from St Mary's. The Medical School Union acted unfairly and blatently whey they tried to get persuade the voters at St Mary's to vote for their adopted candidates. The explanation proferred by the Union Secretary, that he was acting as an individual when he put up a notice indicating the way St Mary's should vote, just does not wash when the notice was written on Official Union notepaper. Nor can the claims by students from St Mary's that they were advised how to vote be brushed aside. The irony of the situation is that many of the Students at St Marys are not particulary interested in Imperial or its elections. Nevertheless, given the large number of candidates this year, even a few votes from St Mary's could make the difference between success or failure. No doubt Mr Merredith who was depending so heavily St Mary's for his votes will be trying to rally the medics to attend the UGM on Thursday. St Mary's will no doubt argue that it is a breach of democracy to take away their right to vote. But the UGM should not forget that it is a far greater breach of democracy to cheat in an election. If ICU has the decency to allow St Mary's the privilige of voting in our elections, the least we can expect them to do is to play it by the rules.
C r e d i t s . W h o e v e r t h o u g h t of b r i n g i n g o u t a flysheet deserves s h o o t i n g . M a n y thanks to the valiant staff w h o have stayed u p all night; R o b , L i z , Sez, A n d y a n d Rupert, a n d to all the people w h o w o r k e d o n F E L I X today. I love y o u all a n d 1 want to have y o u r babies
10 MAR 1989
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A n d y Meritless was a worried m a n . The citizens h a d decided they didn't want to count the votes from Bloody M a r y ' s M e d i c a l S c h o o l . T h e y were upset because the Bloody M a r y ' s C h i e f C i t i z e n s h a d told the lesser citizens which candidates to vote for i n the citizens' elections. A n d y Meritless w a s upset because he t h o u g h t they were all g o i n g to vote for h i m . W h y else h a d he s o l d his s o u l , his grandmother a n d his fire engine to P h i l D o o d l e , the B l o o d y Mary's Chief Citizen? N o w everybody w o u l d have to wait until T h u r s d a y before they k n e w the result of the elections.
banter: A C i t i z e n s ' meeting. N o w that the proposal to do away w i t h the C i t i z e n s ' meetings h a d been t h r o w n out, this was just like any other C i t i z e n s ' meeting—no one k n e w about it a n d n o one turned u p . E v e n the great defender of the C i t i z e n s ' rights, the m a n (?) w h o is to democracy what Derek D a s h is to expansionism, Phallix Editor Willhebe Goodforacolumninch didn't k n o w until an hour before the N o t surprisingly, meeting. therefore, there were no histrionics f r o m the ' D i r t y D o z e n ' , apart f r o m G r o v l i n Shittyhouse, w h o proposed that the b i g book of the 500 or so slightly less r a n d o m citizens w h o The first that most citizens k n e w were o n club committees s h o u l d be about the elections was w h e n the sold to people w h o gave jobs to explayground next to the 'Quite Tasty' c i t i z e n s . T h e c o m p a n i e s that Burger Factory was plastered w i t h G r o v l i n h a d i n m i n d were b o r i n g posters, the mediocrity of w h i c h was surpassed, w i t h o n l y a f e w money counters such as Proctor and Shambles; Snoopers i n Y-Fronts; exceptions, b y the mediocrity of the Peat, M a r w i c k , M c R i p o f f ; a n d twelv e candidates. Stock, A i t k e n , W a t e r m e n . It w a s G r o v l i n Shittyhouse, possibly the most b o r i n g person to have stood unfortunate for G r o v l i n that nobody c ould be bothered to tell h i m what for election since D r D a v i d Death, a c r a p i d e a t h i s w a s , as h e made the big mistake of standing i n front of a brick w a l l w h i c h l o o k e d desperately w a n t e d to tell everyone h o w w o n d e r f u l he was. g o o d job the Snack Bar is a posterfree z o n e , o r u n t o l d members of A f t e r a d a y ' s rest, everyone citizens w o u l d have t h r o w n u p their gathered again for the highlight of nutburgers at the sight of t h e m . the week: The H e c k l i n g s . This was w h e n the Dirty D o z e n w o u l d try Day tw o of the campaign, and the and tell the citizens h o w they sat o n perfect o p p o r t u n i t y f o r the several zillion committees, h o w .they candidates to s h o w off their verbal
considerably more interesting than he d i d . Clare McUseless, a former c l o w n and hot-tip for Chief C i t i z e n produced some very nice posters, which looked as if t h e y ' d been done by her very g o o d f r i e n d , a n d candidate for Phallix Editor, Smuggly. H e , meanwhile, looked as if he was about to hatch out of his eggy posters into some sort of green salmonella-infested mess. It's a basically r a n the C i t i z e n s ' C l u b already, a n d h o w m u c h better it w o u l d be if they were paid for doing so next year. Fortunately, there were a few exceptions to this rule, and they w i l l receive a prize far more i m p o r t a n t t h a n electoral success; something that cannot be bought by money, favours, popularity or notoriety: A m e n t i o n in 'The D u k e of Sluicegate'. Phallix photographer D o u g Queen was running a squeaky-clean c a m pa i gn i n g. C l e a n because he p r i n t e d h i s handouts o n toilet paper, squeaky because one of the patches o n his jeans was too tight, although he tried to rectify this by getting well oiled o n stage. Alistair G o o d f o r n o t h i n g stood o n an amazingly courageous ' I ' m not a hack or o n a n y committees' platform w h i c h was novel a n d refreshing but probably too brutally unsubtle, even for Cheapskate. Finally, Says W h o was too scared to even speak, so she sat o n the front row whilst her Dracula lookalike proposer claimed that she had been k i d n a p p e d by Daleks, w h o were c o m i n g to exterminate everyone. Unfortunately, no one told h i m that ' w e w i l l exterminate' is not quite so f u n n y w h e n given as a reply to the 25th consecutive question. Grovlin Shittyhouse then r e m i n d e d everyone h o w like a T h u n d e r b i r d ' s p u p p e t he w a s , although it must be said that at least they have some character, and far
better dress sense. A n o t h e r candidate accused of being a puppet was Neil McSlimesky, whose answer to Cheapskate's debt crisis was to send a Rag Tit Squad to kill H i l l m a n Rustbox, the author of the Moronic Verses. N o w it's funny that he s h o u l d mention that, for the next d a y ' s G r a u n i a d suggested that the brass plaque f r o m the 'Friendly hitsquad Embassy r o u n d the corner' was not o n its w a y home i n diplomatic baggage, but h a d been stolen by the lumpsofmetalvvorshippers. This was hotly denied by their n e w v i c e - c l o w n , K e v e n M c C a n n o t , w h o pointed out that they were busy stealing a lion at the time. A n y w a y , back to the elections, and the only one y o u lot really care about—the one that delivers y o u this twenty pages of toilet paper every Friday—The Phallix Editor. Standing for this were Smuggly, the fairy-story writer, a n d W i n t h r o p Cravat, the i n - d e p t h fairy-story w r i t e r — a n d W i n t h r o p certainly knew an in-depth fairy w h e n he saw one. T h e H e c k l i n g s for this post were particularly boring, apart from w h e n S m u g g l v (proposed by Julian Less, chair of Cheapskate Citizens against Water Polo Society) forgot about the wonders that 1992 and the single E u r o p e a n market w i l l br i n g , like rabies. O n M o n d a y all twelve candidates thought that their problems were almost over, a n d that they w o u l d soon learn the deliberations of C i ti z e n s of C h e a p s k a t e . N o w they, and everyone else, w o u l d have to wait another t w o agonising days.
I bet you expected some silly questions here — E d .
FELIX is published by the Editor for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publication Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London, SW7 2BB (Tel 01-589 5111 ext 3515). Editor: Bill Goodwin. Business Manager: Liz Warren. Advertising Manager: Nick Jones. Copyright FELIX 1988 ISSN 1040-0711.'