/1990_0880_A

Friday 26th October

Do You Know This Man? Cut Up Bolt cutters were used to break through a padlock that secured a locker last Wednesday afternoon. The locker, on Level 1 in the Mechanical Engineering Department, contained a cheque book, cheque card, watch and a diary.

Earlier that afternoon a Chinese student had borrowed a set of bolt cutters from the stores in the basement of the building. The cutters were issued from the stores without a request for identification and without a signature being obtained. Realising that bolt cutters, or similar equipment, must have been the method of entry, Neil Steer, the owner of the stolen items, tried to borrow some and was able to get them out without getting questioned.

Security tried matching the cut marks on the padlock with those of the cutters found in the possesion of cycle thieves last week, but this proved negative. Terry Briley, College Security Officer, said that they are very interested in talking to the student who borrowed the bolt cutters on Wednesday afternoon.

Video cameras caught the man pictured above after he attempted to cash a stolen cheque in the South Kensington branch of Thomas Cook.

The chequebook and card had been stolen earlier that morning, on the 9th October, from Dr. Nicholson of the Chemistry Department. Dr. Nicholson told FELIX that he had seen the photographs but did not recognise the man involved.

He said that the chequebook had been taken from his briefcase and that other items such as credit cards, driving licence and a billfold containing some money had

been taken from his jacket. These were not discovered to be missing until six that evening.

Dr. Nicholson warned that there had been a number of other thefts from the upper floors of Chemistry and Physics and added that his office was 'out of the way' on the eighth floor. He said that anybody seen wandering about was usually assumed to be lost and would be stopped. At the time of the theft, Dr. Nicholson was teaching and the two research students normally resident in his office had left for the library.

ID Checks Justified

Rag Raid

The recent identity checks in Southside bar have been justified by Mr Roger Pownall, Bars Manager, as they 'protect students'.

He said that 'there are a lot of people who should not be in the bar and we must comply with the licensing laws'. He stressed that Southside bar was not a student bar but one for all people with a connection with the college.

He added that the most of the trouble makers in the bar were people outside

The Rag raid to Guildford on Wednesday raised a total of ÂŁ185.03. The largest amount, ÂŁ57, was raised by Pete Bowen.

This Saturday there will be a collection in Covent Garden for the World Wildlife Fund.

the college, and that no-one was asked to leave last week but this might become a possibility. He said that members of the college are requested to carry identification at all times - students should carry their Union cards.

Mr Pownall said that they might consider issueing identity cards or badges to Bar staff so that the challenged customers know why they are being asked to provide identity.

RCS Election Suzanne Ahmet has been elected as the president of the Royal College of Science Union (RCSU). She won by two votes, the results being 106 votes for her, 104 for James Bryant, 13 abstentions and 20 spoilt papers.

There had been some controversy surrounding her eligibility to stand for the position since she had not registered on a course when the elections took place.

This was due to a delay in college administration which was later deemed not to affect the election.

Although Suzanne will be studying Materials she has studied Physics for two years and is thus a full member of RCSU. Chas Randies, last year's V P for the RCSU, said 'It's nice to have a president'.

When she received the president's gown, Suzanne said 'I..' and fainted.

Imperial College Friends of Palestine Society

would like to invite you to a lecture entitled: THE U.N. AND THE PALESTINIAN PROBLEM'

by Dr Afif Safieh (the new PLO representative in London)

Thursday November 1 12.45pm Civil Eng. LT201 All studen ts and members of staff welcome. BRING YOUR UNION CARDS. Students without Union Cards will not be admitted

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McKinsey & Company invite you to an open presentation on career opportunities for graduates and postgraduates on Wednesday, November 7, 1990 at 6:30 p m in the Pippard Lecture Theatre

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Union Gig Stagedives Last Saturday's disco lost the Union an estimated £5500 due to a poor turnout. It was originally intended that the gig was to be held in the Careers Fair marquee rather than the Concert hall and was intended to cover the loss expected of the Fair. Murray Williamson, Union Hon Sec, said 'In the end we wouldn't have had to stage the event anyway as the Careers Fair made a profit'. He added that the event seemed 'quite a wacky idea'.

Murray Williamson said that the event had been proposed by David Ensell, the Careers Fair Manager, and Rob Northey, Refectories manager, at the end of August. He said that David had assured him that the marquee was available for two weeks and added that Mr Northey had agreed to the project going ahead.

Mr Northey had requested an early application for a bar extension but this was not produced by Murray until two weeks before the event was due. He was then informed by refectories that the Main Dining Hall had already been booked for another event and so was not available to house a bar.

At this point the PA system had been ordered as well as the bands, the stage and the lighting. Murray said that to cancel the event would have cost £4000

Security Worries Mr Geoff Reeves, Chief security officer at IC, warned of a walk- in thief who has been seen in the Chemistry building. He is described as having a black leather jacket with blue jeans and about 5' 8" tall. He had grey hair and was probably about 40 years old.

The cycle D locks on sale from the Security office now cost £20.50. Mr Reeves said that he could no longer manage to keep the price down, though it was still at cost price. He said that cheaper makes can often be beaten. The type they sell is safer and of an American make, he said.

He added that a man was to be charged with possession of lock breaking equipment in connection with the recent bike thefts. More such thefts have been reported this week.

but 'to go ahead would piss off Northey'.

A decision on the event was postponed until Wednesday lunchtime, a week and a half before the gig. This was, in Murray's words 'a day and a half wasted'.

In the meantime the support band Nine Below Zero had gone down badly at Middlesex Polytechnic and had walked off stage early. They are currently being sued by Mandy Hurford, their General Manager. She will become Imperial College Union Manager on the 6th November.

Although the contracts with both bands were verbal, Dr. A n d the Medics had sent a contract to be signed whereas Nine Below Zero had not. The support band therefore have no obligation to the Union who cannot sue.

Publicity for the gig was produced only five days before the event reading 'plus support band'. A new support band, the Phantom Chords, had been found by this time and so stickers advertising the new band had to be affixed. When this was attempted on the Wednesday before the gig, it was found by Murray that not many posters had been put up around college although Ents had put up posters in other London colleges. The new stickers advertised a drop in price from £7 to £5. This was still calculated to

Grants This month's Research Grant Stakes trophy goes to Professor D J Ewins of Mechanical Engineering who has managed to extract a staggering £1 505 000 over five years from Rolls-Royce pic for the Vibration Technology Centre.

The 'Free market economy Booby Prize' is presented this month to the Science and Engineering Research Council (SERC) who have given £500 over five months to Dr D J N Limbeer of Electrical Engineering for the enigmatically titled 'Visiting Fellowship: Professor U Shaked.'

Loose Ends 'Loose Ends on the Theory of Everything' will be tied up by Dr N Linden of Cambridge University on October 31st. The lecture will be held in Physics lecture theatre 1 at 1.15 pm.

cover costs.

Murray Williamson said that flyers were handed out at the U L U all nighter and inside college throughout the rest of the week. Before the event, however, only 150 tickets had been sold and so the price was reduced to £2 on the door. This was not advertised widely.

At the event, ticket inspection was hampered by the fact that access to the main toilets was required due to the Union Bar's toilets being broken. Tickets had to be collected on the staircase which meant that many of the 350 people who finally attended got in free.

Murray Williamson said that the money lost will come from Union funds rather than from Ents. He added that the exact source of the money will be discussed at the next Union Finance Committee (UFC).

He also said that to stage the event in the marquee would have required extra emergency lighting and fire doors as the marquee was 'effectively pretty unsafe'.

He stressed that since Mr Northey had given him permission to stage the event he had assumed that higher management had been informed. He said 'It's not our fault it didn't go all the way to the top' and 'It wasn't our communications that broke down'.

Giveaway If you're dithering about of getting a railcard, buy it before the 10th of November. British Rail are offering an extra three months on railcards bought before this date, which means reductions of up to one third off train fairs for fifteen months. The cards cost £16 and are available for students aged between sixteen and twenty three, leaflets available at main BR stations and Rail Appointed Travel Agents.

Stolen The plaque on the entrance to the Management school has been stolen, probably a few weeks ago, according to Mrs E. Percival, the school Administrator.

The plaque was worth 'several hundreds of pounds' she said, and a replacement would be funded out of the school's current budget. The present replacement is printed on paper. Mrs Percival said the next plaque should be in place within a month, and should be of a different design from the original.

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Further information will be available at a presentation on:Monday 5 November 1990 at 6.00 p.m. at Arthur Andersen & Co., Surrey Street, London WC2

or from Gillian Jones, Arthur Andersen and Co., 1 Surrey Street, London WC2.

ARTHUR ANDERSEN

etsy's Wedding This film c a n best be d e s c r i b e d as a g o o d attempt at s t a g e d h a v o c , w i t h e v e r y t h i n g that c a n go w r o n g d o i n g so a n d finally e n d i n g up w i t h e v e r y b o d y l i v i n g h a p p i l y e v e r after. T h e ending's the same, the rest of the film is a bit of d i s a p p o i n t m e n t .

W r i t t e n b y , a n d staring, A l a n A l d a ( H a w k e y e f r o m M*A*S*H) w h o plays Betsy's father E d d i e H o p p e r , things start w i t h a lot of p r o m i s e . T h e a c t i n g is fine w i t h Stevie D e e ( A n t h o n y L a P a g l i a ) p l a y i n g the part of a silk t o n g u e d gangster p a r t i c u l a r l y w e l l . U n f o r t u n a t e l y the h u m o u r is a little c o n t r i v e d a l t h o u g h w h e n the a f f o r m e n t i o n e d S t e v i e D e e tries, w i t h the utmost respect, to ask E d d i e ' s o l d e r d a u g h t er out for d i n n e r things do pick up g r e a t l y . She is, after a l l , a p o l i c e officer!

A n o t h e r p r o b l e m is that the m a i n t h e m e is lost amongst the m y r i a d of subplots. T h i s m e a n s it is v e r y h a r d to get i n v o l v e d w i t h the p r o b l e m s that the y o u n g c o u p l e e n c o u n t e r , the c o n f l i c t i ng wishes of b o t h sets of parents o v e r e v e r y t h i n g , d o w n to w h a t sort of nut to

have.

Not a b a d film, c e r t a i n l y r e a s o n a b l y g o o d e n t e r t a i n m e n t but it n e e d e d a little

m o r e life to c r e a t e the result I t h i n k t h e y w e r e after.

Ian H o d g e .

A Shock to the System E v e r y o n e w a n t s to k i l l s o m e o n e s o m e t i m e , d o n ' t they? N o w , i m a g i n e y o u h a v e a n a n n o y i n g , n a g g i n g wife. Imagine an o b n o x i o u s y u p p i e has just b e e n p r o m o t e d o v e r y o u r h e a d , a n d is s t r i p p i n g y o u of y o u r p o w e r . Imagine y o u ' v e just p u s h e d a t r a m p u n d e r a s u b w a y t r a i n , a n d got a w a y w i t h it...

T h i s is the p o s i t i o n G r a h a m M a r s h a l l ( M i c h a e l C a i n e , s o o n to b e seen w i t h R o g e r M o o r e i n Bullseye - not a lot of p e o p l e k n o w that) finds himself in not l o n g after r e c e i v i n g an e l e c t r i c s h o c k (to the system?). It occurs to h i m that a c o u p l e of c o n v e n i e n t accidents m i g h t m a k e his life a lot simpler. S o o n he takes

u p o n himself the r o l e of w i z a r d , f i x i n g all that lies i n his w a y . H e e v e n takes o n a y o u n g , attractive a n d female (ie s e x y , a v a i l a b l e a n d not to b o t h e r e d about grey hair a n d w r i n k l e s ) apprentice w h o s l o w l y begins to suspect that a l l is n o t as it seems.

A sinister tale of office a n d (basic) s e x u a l politics. A classy t h r i l l e r . M i c h a e l Caine looking more evil than I have ever seen h i m before. T h e plot is not c o m p l e x , but it has a c e r t a i n relentlessness to it that keeps o n e e n t h r a l l e d . T h e e x c e l l e n t p l a y i n g b y the w h o l e cast helps lift it f r o m the d a n g e r o u s abyss of T V moviedom.

A s the e n d d r a w s n i g h , the cop d r a w s n e a r a n d the g i r l f r i e n d d r a w s a lighter out of an e n v e l o p e , the a u d i e n c e are o n the edge of t h e i r p r o v e r b i a l seats. T h e e n d i n g is g o o d , satisfactory, c h i l l i n g a n d u n r e v e a l e d here. T h e film is g o o d , e x c i t i n g , c h i l l i n g a n d r e c o m m e n d e d here.

Adam T.

Mo' Better Blues M o Better Blues is S p i k e L e e ' s fourth feature film a n d like his o t h e r 'Joints' the basis r e m a i n s in the p o r t r a y a l of A f r o A m e r i c a n c u l t u r e in m o d e r n A m e r i c a n society. W h e r e a s i n his p r e v i o u s a n d most w i d e l y a c c l a i m e d film Do The Right Thing L e e focused o n r a c i a l tensions, in B r o o k l y n M o Better Blues r e t u r n s to the s c e n a r i o of rel at i onshi ps as i n his first film She's Gotta Have It. T h e t h e m a t i c p r i n c i p l e s are the same, but the b a c k d r o p to this f i l m is n e i t h er r a c i a l i s m , r i v a l r y or s e x u a l i n d e c i s i o n but jazz. T h i s is not the jazz of E a s t w o o d ' s Bird or Round Midnight. T h i s is not the sleepy 50s n i g h t c l u b s w h e r e the talent of the p l a y e r s c o n c e r n e d (Charlie P a r k e r a n d B u d P o w e l l r e s p e c t i v e l y ) is s h r o u d e d in a haze of drugs a n d a l c o h o l , in w h i c h the genius of the m u s i c i a n s plays s e c o n d

6

s a x o p h o n e to the sadness a n d ultimate t r a g e d y of their p e r s o n a l lives. N o this is a hip, s t y l i s e d jazz w h e r e the o n l y t h i n g s h r o u d i n g the p l a y e r s ' v i r t u o s i t y is the cut of their suits.

T h e film is c e n t r e d a r o u n d B l e a k Gilliam (played superbly by Denzel W a s h i n g t o n ) , a self-centred, intense jazz t r u m p e t p l a y e r . A rising star w h o s e e g o t i s m a n d m i s p l a c e d c o n f i d e n c e in the c o n t r o l a n d d o m i n a n c e of p e o p l e i n his life (namely his b a n d , his l o v e r s a n d manager) c o n t r i v e to be his d o w n f a l l a n d saviour.

T h e m u s i c a l score is e x c e l l e n t , c o m p o s e d b y Lee's father B i l l , himself an a c c o m p l i s h e d jazz bassist (who has a c a m e o r o l e as Indigo's father) a n d p l a y e d b y the B r a n f o r d M a r s a l i s Quartet, friends of L e e w h o s e b r o t h e r W y n t o n M a r s a l i s is

a talented t r u m p e t p l a y e r .

Mo Better Blues has all the h a l l m a r k s of a L e e film, the fast w i t t y d i a l o g u e , characters centre s c r e e n a d d r e s s i n g the c a m e r a d i r e c t l y , the u n u s u a l c a m e r a angles, a n d b e c a u s e this t i m e L e e h a d m o n e y to p l a y w i t h (he is a s o u n d i n v e s t m e n t , assured to r a k e large returns at the b o x office) there is a lush feel a n d v i s u a l q u a l i t y about the f i l m afforded b y fine set designs a n d subtle l i g h t i n g .

W i t h Mo Better Blues S p i k e L e e extends his r e p u t a t i o n as b e i n g o n e of the most i m p o r t a n t c o n t e m p o r a r y film m a k e r s a n d is i n d e e d a l o v e s u p r e m e . ( T r y to a v o i d s e e i n g Mo Better Blues at a C a n n o n c i n e m a as t h e y don't give a student discount e v e n at the first showing.)

Jimmy Rimmer.

The Little Mermaid

This film is n i c e r than F e l i c i t y K e n d a l w i t h a plate c h o c k full of B a k e w e l l tarts.

It tells a tale of piscine l o v e w i t h a few songs t h r o w n i n for g o o d measure. A r i e l , the little m e r m a i d , is fascinated b y h u m a n i t y a n d has a m a s s e d a larger c o l l e c t i o n of c o n s u m e r d u r a b l es t h a n A r g o s (the s h o p , not the ship). S h e longs to see h u m a n s , e v e n t h o u g h this is not the d o n e t h i n g , a n d of c o u r s e she decides to investigate a passing S e a l i n k . N a t u r a l l y she goes a n d falls i n l o v e w i t h a tall, handsome, heterosexual, clean living, upright pillar of society, w h o b y true D i s n e y standards is also a p r i n c e . W e l l , she is n o w obsessed w i t h this f o r b i d d e n passion (sounds like 9V2 Weeks) to the extent that s h e goes a n d does A F o o l i s h Thing.

A t this point there enters a catalyst i n the o i n t m e n t , i n the b e t e n t a c l e d f o r m of U r s u l a (The S e a W i t c h ! b o o hiss) w h o offers A r i e l a p a r t - e x c h a n g e deal: O n e s p a n k i n g n e w p a ir of R e e b o k leggies (female thankfully) for a d o w n p a y m e n t of a D u l c e t S i n g i n g V o i c e i n g o o d r e p a i r .

This is a F a t a l E r r o r but w e ' r e not g o i n g to tell y o u w h y ( H A ! H A ! G o w a t c h the film!) a n d p r o v e s to be A r i e l ' s u n d o i n g .

A g a i n s t the best a d v i c e of her c o m p a n i o n s , F l o u n d e r (a b l u e a n d y e l l o w b e a c h b a l l fish) a n d Sebastian (a C a r i b c r a b w i t h a y e n for c o m p o s i t i o n ) she goes for the p r i z e a n d hits the w o o d e n s p o o n w i t h s u c h force that she is i n c a p a b l e of s a y i n g a n y t h i n g for most of t h e rest of the film.

T h i s b e i n g a true D i s n e y m e r m a i d film, the tragic e n d i n g of the o r i g i n a l H a n s C h r i s t i a n A n d e r s e n story ( d y i n g , t u r n i n g to s t o n e / c l o u d , g e n e r a l l y n o t getting the guy a n y w a y ) is neatly d i v e r t e d to g o o d family v i e w i n g . (Can a n y r e a d e r s r e m e m b e r the actual e n d i n g to The Little Mermaid Mkl? A n s w e r s o n a p o s t c a r d to F E L I X please).

T h e a n i m a t i o n is as usual b e y o n d c o m p a r e ; the s t o r y is m o r e pleasant t h a n F e l i c i t y K e n d a l a n d R i c h a r d B r i e r s put together a n d also reduces the effective age of the v i e w e r b y a factor of three. B e p r e p a r e d to hiss, b o o a n d c h e a r at appropriate moments.

T h i s is a g o o d film. G o a n d see it n o w .

The Amazing Flying Gerbil Machine.

GoodFellas

T h e M a f i a is a n element of ItalianA m e r i c a n c u l t u r e that has a n u n d e n i a b l e fascination to the f i l m a k e r s of H o l l y w o o d .

S u r p r i s i n g , t h o u g h , to see a d i r e c t o r of the c a l i b r e of M a r t i n Scorsese t a k i n g o n the subject. Scorsese, r e s p o n s i b l e for m o v i e s like Raging Bull, Colour of Money, Taxi Driver a n d the, shall w e say, c o n t r o v e r s i a l Last Temptation Of Christ, has c h o s e n to adapt a b o o k w r i t t e n f r o m a series of i n t e r v i e w s w i t h ex-mobster H e n r y H i l l , n o w o n the F e d e r a l W i t n e s s Program.

T h e result is a fascinating, u n - g l a m o r o u s portrait of h o w the M a f i a (or goodfellas or w i s e g u y s , as t h e y c a l l themselves) r e a l l y w o r k . W e are l e a d t h r o u g h t h e life of H e n r y f r o m his e a r l y d a y s s k i p p i n g s c h o o l to r u n e r r a n d s for P a u l C i c e r o n e , to his e v e n t u a l fall at the h a n d s of N a r c o t i c agents. In b e t w e e n w e h a v e the laughs a n d m u r d e r s , w i v e s a n d mistresses, heists a n d d i n n e r s that m a k e up his life.

T h e insights w e get are fascinating. T h e

REVIEWS

rel at i onshi ps b e t w e e n the p u r e Italians a n d the w i s e g u y s of m i x e d b l o o d a r e e x a m i n e d , as a r e the w i s e g u y s ' rel at i onshi ps w i t h the l o c a l c o m m u n i t y a n d the p o l i c e .

T h e cast is g o o d , a n d b i g . R o b e r t D e N i r o is, as e v e r , superb i n t h e role J a m e s C o n w a y o n e of the w i s e g u y s w h o rises to p o w e r w i t h H i l l . H i s p o r t r a y a l of t h e ruthless m a n w h o s l o w l y descends into p a r a n o i a is m a s t e r l y . A l s o g o o d is L o r r a i n e B r a c c o as K a r e n H i l l , the girl w h o is at o n c e t u r n e d o n a n d a p p a l l e d b y her husband's activities. T h e m a r r i a g e s e q u e n c e has to be o n e of the most bizarre i n the m o v i e .

T o c a l l this a t h r i l l e r w o u l d be w r o n g , but it has e l e m e n t s of that g e n r e . T o c a l l it a c o m e d y w o u l d also be w r o n g . It is a film that totally defies a n y sort of c a t e g o r i s i n g e x c e p t o n e - g o o d . B y far t h e best m o v i e o n g e n e r a l release at t h e m o m e n t , this r e a l l y is a w o r t h a c h u n k of y o u r grant.

Pendragon.

Judge Dredd Megazine W i t h i n s i x d a y s of its release this n e w g r a p h i c m a g a z i n e h a d sold 40,000 copies.

T h i s is n o t t o o s u r p r i s i n g because J u d g e D r e d d is B r i t a i n ' s most p o p u l a r c o m i c character appearing w e e k l y in 2 0 0 0 A D a n d d a i l y i n t h e Star n e w s p a p e r .

Set i n a future w h e r e o v e r p o p u l a t i o n calls for o v e r c r o w d e d cities of t o w e r b l o c k s , w i t h m a s s u n e m p l o y m e n t a n d few releases for a l l t h e pent u p tensions.

M a n y citizens t u r n to c r i m e w h i c h calls for a p o l i c e s y s t e m w h i c h c a n dispense instant justice. T r a i n e d f r o m the age of five, judges a r e e m p o w e r e d to a p p r e h e n d , try a n d s e n t e n c e o n the spot. D r e d d is the best judge (even t h o u g h he's getting old) a n d stories t e n d to f o l l o w his a d v e n t u r e s t h r o u g h the w e i r d a n d w o n d e r f u l city of 800 m i l l i o n p e o p l e (give or t a k e 2 0 0 m i l l i o n for w a r , disease, g e n o c i d e , etc).

T h e stories i n the M e g a z i n e ( M e g a

because the c i t y is M e g a C i t y 1) go for a far w i d e r v i e w t h a n just D r e d d himself.

C u r r e n t l y o n l y o n e story f o l l o w s his e x p l o i t s w h i l e the others f o l l o w r e l a t e d characters. C h a p p e r is b a c k , after a n u m b e r of stories i n 2 0 0 0 A D , i n a d u b i o u s story about c o r p o r a t e r e v e n g e , J u d g e D e a t h is also b a c k g i v i n g a n insight into his past a n d K e n n y W h o ? is b a c k a l t h o u g h I h a v e n o i d e a w h y . P o s s i b l y the most interesting story is A m e r i c a w h i c h tells of a M e g a C i t y 1 c i t i z e n w h o questions the judges right to h o l d complete control without democracy.

A n y o n e w h o has r e a d a n issue m a y note that I missed M e g a C i t y N e w s p a p e r . T h i s is quite i n t e n t i o n a l . O v e r a l l the M e g a z i n e is pre t ty g o o d but t h e r e is a lot of r o o m for i m p r o v e m e n t (like h o w about m o r e Dredd??).

The Amazing Machine.

and old men's willies.

'Wacky Doctor' Clive talks to FELIX about bananas, snail farming

Doctor and the Medics W h y do y o u call y o u r s e l f a doctor?

I a p p l i e d for m e d i c a l c o l l e g e w h e n I left school^ to a l l five of the b i g L o n d o n ones, a n d I got t u r n e d d o w n f r o m t h e m a l l .

W h e n I was about t w o m o n t h s o l d , I w a s in m y mother's arms and a gypsy w o m a n c a l l e d at the d o o r selling her w a r e s . She said to m y m u m that w h e n he g r o w s up he's g o i n g to b e a doctor. I thought a g y p s y w o m a n can't be w r o n g , so I t r i e d to be a d o c t o r a n d I failed to get into m e d i c a l s c h o o l , so instead I e n d e d up w i t h a crap b a n d c a l l e d Doctor And The Medics.

A c t u a l l y , it's our first g i g w i t h the n e w line-up. This is the d a w n i n g of a n e w age.

A n e w era in the annuls of b a d taste begins t o d a y . W e h a v e this single c o m i n g out o n M o n d a y w h i c h is a v e r s i o n of a s o n g that not m a n y people h a v e h e a r d of.

It's an obscure sixties s o n g c a l l e d Hi Ho Silver Lining. So w e ' r e just g e a r i n g o u r s e l v e s up to hopefully get o u r s e l v e s w o r k i n g properly again.

So it's g o i n g to be ANOTHER cover v e r s i o n single!

Y e a h , it is. W e l l spotted sir! T h e r e ' s m a n y reasons for d o i n g that, t h e y ' r e a l l s t u p i d reasons, this w e e k . B u t to cut a l l the bullshit, b a s i c a l l y , w e w a n t e d to get a r e c o r d deal. W e ' r e h o p i n g to h a v e a s e c o n d bite at the apple as t h e first bite w a s v e r y n i c e . It w a s our e i g t h b i r t h d a y i n A p r i l this y e a r . Its b e e n a c a r e e r of ups a n d d o w n s r e a l l y , a n d I suppose w e ' v e h a d d o w n s for the last three years.

W e ' v e all h a d jobs. I m a k e w i n d o w s , I'm a joiner. T h e c u s t o m e r s haven't got a c l u e w h o I a m . In the w o r k s h o p , I'm the scruffy cunt i n the c o r n e r w h o snarls at a l l the customers, a n d that's it. I've got w i v e s a n d babies a n d things like that to support. S t e v e , y o u ' l l n o t i c e , his guitar t e c h n i q u e is a h e l l of a lot better 'cos he's h a d a job s c r e w i n g the caps o n bottles i n a b o t t l i n g factory. T h a t a c t i o n , o v e r a n d o v e r a g a i n has g i v e n h i m this t e c h n i q u e .

A p p a r a n t l y , E r i c C l a p t o n s a w Steve p l a y r e c e n t l y a n d w a s so i m p r e s s e d b y this t e c h n i q u e that he's n o w h o p i n g to get a job in the b o t t l i n g factory n e x t w e e k so he c a n get this little twist. Y o u ' l l notice Steve does it tonight, o n l y 'cos he's pissed a n d o n the w r o n g strings.

How can we follow that?

Y e s , a n d m y m o t h e r was a p i e c e of carpet, she's h e r e in m y p o c k e t . So b a s i c a l l y, that's w h y w e ' v e got this single c o m i n g out. I w a s e v e n i n M r . A b u s i n g this w e e k . T h e y said I s h o u l d be f l o w n out to Iraq w i t h a note s a y i n g ' S a d d a m H u s s e i n do s o m e t h i n g o r o t h e r ' a n d that I s h o u l d be u s e d as his m o u s t a c h e for his snot or s o m e t h i n g .

How do y o u get into the T a l k T a l k pages of M e l o d y M a k e r ?

In our case, just b y b e i n g a right b u n c h of p r i c k s for eight years. T h a t seems to work.

W h a t are y o u r views on the Gulf situation?

W e l l , I t h i n k T o n y J a c k l i n was a great

p l a y e r a n d s i n c e he's left, the w h o l e golf situation is not as g o o d as it used to be.

A n d t h e y ' r e a great car... N u k e the fuckers!

P e o p l e ask m e for a d v i c e o n a n y t h i n g .

C o m e o n , w h o ' s qualified? F a i l e d m u s i c i a n , failed snail farmer, failed joiner, y o u k n o w . I've not s u c c e e d e d at a n y t h i n g i n m y fucking life. Snail f a r m i n g failed m i s e r a b l y a n d I'm b l a m i n g C h e r n o b y l . I put in a c l a i m to E u r o p e a n A g r i c u l t u r e .

T h e r e ' s a c o m p e n s a t i o n t h i n g for p e o p l e w h o h a d losses from C h e r n o b y l . T h e r e ' s a few p e o p l e in W a l e s w h o lost a lot of snails as a result of it a n d I put i n this c l a i m , yeah? T h e t h i n g is, t h e y ' r e putting i n for the loss of the snails. I'm c l a i m i n g that I was w r i t t i n g an a l b u m about snails at the t i m e , a n d that since t h e y ' v e d i e d , m y i n s p i r a t i o n has gone. T h e a l b u m was g o i n g to be a t o p seller so I'm s u e i n g t h e m for ÂŁ 5 0 m w h i c h is w h a t the a l b u m w o u l d h a v e r e a c h e d . That's g o i n g t h r o u g h at the m o m e n t . I h o p e to h e a r about it.

W h o writes a l l the stuff?

W e l l , Jeff B e c k w r o t e the last one, N o r m a n G r e e n b a u m w r o t e the o n e before that, a n d B j o r n a n d B e n n y f r o m Abba the o n e before that. W e d i d a v e r s i o n of W a t e r l o o y e a r s ago. W e d r e s s e d up as

the Abba girls o n v i d e o w i t h l o n g b l o n d w i g s o n . W e d i d that w i t h R o y W o o d .

T h e girls s a n g it. I just c o n d u c t e d the o r c h e s t r a a n d p l a y e d the s a x a p h o n e . It was the coolest v i d e o w e e v e r d i d . N o , I don't p a r t i c u l a r l y w a n t to p l a y it tonight, in fact I t h i n k w e p l a y e d it live about twice.

T h e rest of the stuff n o w , Steve a n d I w r i t e it a l l . S t e v e a n d I a l w a y s u s e d t o w r i t e it but w e used to g i v e R i c h a r d our p u b l i s h i n g r o y a l t i e s for sitting a n d d o i n g n o t h i n g , but R i c h a r d ' s left n o w . T h e r e a s o n R i c h a r d , our bass p l a y e r , left was that he didn't w a n t to be seen in a b a n d that p l a y e d Hi Ho Silver Lining. It w a s too m u c h for his c r e d i b i l i t y .

W h o do y o u listen to?

Jeff B e c k m a i n l y n o w . O n the p h o n e . ' Y o u bastards, h o w d a r e y o u ' he said. I listen to a n y t h i n g that's g o o d . I'll listen to Black Sabbath o n e d a y if I w a n t to, I'll listen to Black Sabbath the n e x t d a y a n d t h e n s o m e d a y s I listen to Black Sabbath.

A n y t h i n g r e a l l y , f r o m Pink Floyd t h r o u g h to Wham, e x c e p t I h a v n ' t l i s t e n e d to a n y Wham. T h a t w a s a lie. So, Pink Floyd a n d Black Sabbath r e a l l y .

W h a t I t h i n k is great in m u s i c is The Stones still b e i n g a r o u n d . A f t e r a l l thii

The Damned Phantom Chords were there too.

The Phantom Chords t i m e , The Stones are still h e r e . O l d F r e d a n d B a r n y . S o r r y , that w a s v e r y u n c a l l e d for. Y e a h .

H o w about the M a n c h e s t e r scene?

The Stone Roses s u p p o r t e d us i n 1985 at the C r o y d o n G r e y h o u n d a n d t h e y w e r e shit then, a n d t h e y ' r e shit n o w . Let's be started honest, Echo and the Bunnymen all that t h i n g r o l l i n g years a g o a n d I still t h i n k t h e y do that k i n d of t h i n g a hell of a lot better.

D o y o u go to gigs a lot o r do y o u tend to stay away?

N o , I don't t e n d to r e a l l y these days. I go to gigs w h e n there's b a n d s p l a y i n g that I l i k e to see but V a l D o o n i c a n hasn't t o u r e d for y e a r s n o w . I e n j o y gigs a lot m o r e these d a y s 'cos I h a v e to p a y to go i n . I s a w Pink Floyd at W e m b l e y three years ago. T h a t w a s r e a l l y g o o d .

W h e r e d i d y o u get the violets?

T h e o p t i c i a n s . If y o u h a v e a l o o k t h r o u g h t h e m , y o u ' l l see w h a t I'm t a l k i n g about. I'm b l i n d . It's better t h a n t a k i n g a c i d , isn't it? T h e y ' r e p r o p e r glasses.

E v e r y o n e t h i n k s I'm a p o s e y bastard.

W i t h a face l i k e m i n e , y o u ' v e got to hide s o m e of it. L o o k , there's a m a n eating a banana!

I once h a d a b o o k b y A l , the m a g i c i a n , A l i B o n g o . I r e a d it w h e n I w a s s i x t e e n a n d it said y o u s h o u l d do s o m e t h i n g different e v e r y d a y , e v e n if its just e a t i n g a b a n a n a . It d i d n 't m a k e sense to m e at the time, but I started e a t i n g bananas. It s a i d that b a n a n a s w e r e the best food because t h e y w e r e s l i m m i n g , t h e y w e r e g o o d for y o u , t h e y c a m e i n c o n v e n i e n t p a c k a g i n g . T h e y w e r e like s o m e m y s t i c a l food a n d y o u s h o u l d eat o n e a d a y , so I started eating a b a n a n a a d a y for like t w o days. N o t h i n g h a p p e n e d .

W e ' r e w o r k i n g o n abject failure tonight.

N o , no-one goes out o n S a t u r d a y night, do they? T h e y ' r e s h o w i n g a r e p l a y of B e a r d s l e y ' s g o a l against P o l a n d tonight, a lot of p e o p l e s t a y i n g in for that. I l o v e d the W o r l d C u p .

W h o do y o u support?

A t the m o m e n t 1 s u p p o r t t w o c h i l d r e n a n d a wife, but I was b o r n i n L i v e r p o o l a n d the w h o l e family is L i v e r p u d l i a n m a d so no I don't. I used to go a n d w a t c h ice h o c k e y , but o n l y because I w a s hot. I used to lick the ice.

W h a t w a l l p a p e r d i d y o u have as a child?

L i k e e v e r y other L i v e r p u d l i a n bastard w e just used to put b r o w n p a p e r o n the w a l l . It was o n l y b r o w n because it was toilet paper that h a d b e e n used. I don't say a n y t h i n g that I regret r e a l l y , apart from 'spip s n o r k ' . That's the o n l y t h i n g I've e v e r said that I regret s a y i n g , 'cos its fucking s t u p i d . I'm a n i n t e l l i g e nt m a n . I h a v e letters after m y n a m e , C . U . N . T .

Most of m y c h i l d h o o d w a s spent i n the cubs a n d scouts. I used to l i k e the feel of o l d men's w i l l i e s up m y b o t t o m .

A r e we a bitter band? N o , Steve d r i n k s lager.

H o w do y o u c o o k asparagus? B o i l it.

Rare & S J H .

H o w d i d The Phantom Chords get together?

W e k n e w w h a t to do. D a v e d e c i d e d to do this t h i n g o n his o w n a n d he a s k e d m y s e l f a n d B r i n to go off a n d do it w i t h h i m , w h i c h m e a n t the e n d of The Damned.

So it's f l u i d r o c k a n d r o l l basically now?

N o , its not. W e do a few songs that y o u c o u l d class as r o c k a b i l l y . T h e r e again w e do a t h i n g f r o m the b e a t n i k era. Its a m u s i c a l c o l l a g e . P l a y e d live it s h o u l d be a little bit e x c i t i n g as o p p o s e d to just h u m d r u m copies of w i e r d sounds o n the album.

So y o u think y o u r m a t e r i a l is boring?

W e l l , Johnny Remember Me wasn't o u r c h o i c e , it was b o w i n g to r e c o r d c o m p a n y pressure. Its a l w a y s v e r y difficult to m a i n t a i n y o u r integrity w h e n y o u ' v e signed to the p e o p l e p a y i n g y o u r wages.

W e d i d Johnny Remember Me as The Damned. I don't t h i n k there is a single o n the a l b u m . Y o u s h o u l d put o n s o m e t h i n g that represents y o u . T h e v e r y reason that The Phantom Chords are h e r e n o w a n d The Damned a r e not is that it's us. It was

the n a t u r a l p r o g r e s s i o n . Its a little bit of fresh air to g o o n a n d p l a y s o m e t h i n g that p e o p l e h a v n ' t h e a r d before. Its a c h a l l e n g e . W e ' r e t r y i n g to get a w a y from The Damned. B e f o r e C h r i s t m a s I r e c k o n w e ' l l be i n T h e M a r q u e e . O b v i o u s l y w e w o u l d l i k e to go b a c k to bigger gigs, but its b a c k to the basics. I don't w o r k , this is all I do, w i t h a spot of p r o d u c i n g , a spot of session w o r k a n d w r i t e s o m e songs.

The Damned c a r r i e d o n for a w h i l e , d i d a few s h o w s , just to get s o m e m o n e y . T h e first Phantom Chords d e m o s w e d i d w e r e n e a r l y t w o y e a r s ago. It t o o k that l o n g to get it all together. Its the s a m e o l d s t o r y as a n e w b a n d . T h i n g s w e r e w o r k i n g against us, l i k e the r e p u t a t i o n w e had.

W h e n y o u p l a y say H a m m e r s m i t h O d e o n , y o u h a v e to do a slick s h o w as p e o p l e p a y so m u c h t h e y e x p e c t a slick s h o w .

W h e n y o u just p l a y a c l u b its just put y o u r a m p o n s o m e beer crates. W e m a n a g e d to d o that o n b i g a n d s m a l l v e n u e s . T h e stuff that I w r o t e for The Damned was pretty fickel, but that was due to m y i m m a t u r i t y . Its got to be m o r e t h a n the s k y is blue, the grass is g r e e n a n d m u d is b r o w n .

Dan & Rare.

A tour round Eastern Turkey.

FEATURE

In Search of No h's Ark

This year, western holidaymakers will once again cram themselves onto the 'developed' beach resorts of Turkey's Aegean and Mediterranean coasts, oblivious to the rest of the nation. The long narrow country would stretch from the Baltic Sea to Barcelona, or from Maidenhead to Morocco. Despite this, most of the tourists who visited in 1989 were happily unaware that life existed outside Bodrum. Content with the hotel pool and bar, many do not know how easy, cheap and rewarding Turkish travel is.

Turkey, the gateway to Asia, has an enviable public transport system. The vast bustling bus depots in each town act as a central nervous system to the extensive coach service. Timetables depend on demand, with buses constantly leaving 'Now' to anywhere. With up to twenty coach companies touting for business at the depots, the cheapest fares can be bartered within minutes. Costs of bus travel averages out at about 30p per 100 miles. Hotel and pension prices away from the coast can be less than £2 per night including breakfast. This makes a few weeks of travel through Turkey substantially cheaper than a single resort package beach holiday.

We flew into Istanbul on a cheap flight in late August. Planning to see this ancient city on our return three weeks later, we immediately took an eight hour bus journey east to Ankara, the capital.

This wasn't as horrific as it sounds. The frequent stops and gallons of free tea served in tall glasses by small boys with crew cuts eased the monotony. Attracted by the call from Cappadocia, we left Ankara early the next day for the central Anatolina plains. The region is famous for its soft volcanic rocks which have been extensively hollowed out for homes and stables. Some of these are still lived in today. In Goreme it is possible to stay in

the cave hotels and pensions. A dusk stroll up to the cave dwellings above the small town of Urgup tempts out the cave people who offer impromptu candle-lit guided tours round the dingy passages of their ancestors and invite you to share fruit in their humble homes.

From the biblical landscapes of central Turkey our pilgrimage took us east through earthquake-plagued Erzurum and on to Dogubayazit. A t only 35 km from the Iranian frontier this was the most easterly point of our travels. It is a town of butchers and the streets reek of raw meat. Skinned carcases swathed in clouds of flies hang outside the shop windows.

Dogubeyazit is dominated by the legendary 5,165m Mt. Ararat. The snowy peak, supposedly the resting place of Noah's Ark breached the horizon an hour before the town was reached. It can be climbed and there seems to be an inexhaustable supply of guides and sherpas who are prepared to lead you up—'If you have permission'. This comes in written form from the authorities in Ankara and can take several months to obtain. There is nothing technically

difficult about the climb. The danger comes from the severe weather, ferocious sheep dogs, smugglers and outlaws. These problems can be overcome by joining a group tour. Hann Overland adventure travel offer an 11 day Mount Ararat Trek from the UK for £580.

The numbers of people climbing the mountain are on the increase. In 1982 James Irwin the American astronaut reached the summit. His Kurdish guide now runs a taxi company near the bus station in Dogubeyazit. He told me that he has climbed Ararat six times since then but has never found any remains of the Ark. Over the years several people have reported sighting a 'boat shape', but none have bought back any conclusive evidence.

For a few pounds, a small Dogubeyazit tour company offers the ' A r k Tour'. The proprietor studied English in Sheffield. His itinerary promises visits to Isak Pasa Palace, a Kurdish village, Noah's A r k remains, the Iranian border, a meteorite crater and an ice cave at the base of Mt. Ararat.

The next morning all the budding 'Raiders of the Lost Ark' assembled outside the travel office to board the minibus. The battered bus which looked

as if Noah was the first owner, headed East out of the city, the engine revving at its limit as we climbed the steep cliffs.

Isak Pasa Palace was the first stop after twenty minutes. The building was started in 1685 and took 99 years to complete.

Despite the Russian invasion which desecrated it in 1917 the ruins are still breathtaking, with the Seljuk, Ottoman, Georgian, Persian and Armenian architecture still intact and competing against the arid ochre landscape of volcanic soils. Behind the palace sits a mosque from 1512 which is still used for prayer. Behind this, rising out of the cliffs are the 800BC walls of the old city.

The thirty minute ration allowed to view the palace was barely enough.

Everyone sat in the bus waiting for me as I scrambled frantically around the ruins exploring every room on each level.

Finally the guide had to come and extract me himself!

Sufficiently recovered, the bus dragged us over the next ridge to descend into a green valley. The screaming engine echoed around the hills beckoning little Kurdish shepherd children and massive sheep dogs from the fields. They scurried to the roadside like iron filings to a magnet. The dogs were like horses and stood barking in the road ready to headbutt the bus as we passed. The children threw sticks, the dogs bit the tyres and we prayed not to break down as the bus spluttered past. Two small villages later the driver felt it was safe to stop. The dogs were gone but the children were still there, snapping our ankles with cries of 'photo...photo'. One carried a rams skull which he brandished on his forehead like some Greek beast.

The village men would not talk to us, and argued over the repair of a tractor.

The house-proud women tempted us into a home. The small white dung and mud walled building was neatly carpeted, the walls had flock wallpaper and the ceiling had polystyrene tiles. A stereo sat on a table and a redundant television squatted

FEATURE

in the corner awaiting the arrival of hole. Descending into the chilled air we electricity. Our guide was impatient to met crowds of Kurdish women hurry on. I had already messed up his brandishing head-sized chunks of clear ice schedule once. in their numbed hands. They filled canvas The descent continued until we reached shopping bags to carry the perishable jewels home. We gave some of them a an area of cleared ground and a newly built restaurant complex overlooking the lift the four kilometres back to their 'Noah's Ar k remains'. The 'boat hull' village. They sat in over-awed silence, the resembling the remains of the Marie Rose melting ice oozing from their bags and lay about 300 metres away across a dry pooling on the dusty bus floor. river bed. It was clearly only meant to be We swapped buses in Dogubuyazit for viewed at a distance. Determined to get the four hour trip to Van. It sits on the my value for money I scrambled down south-eastern shores of the vast Lake the steep bank and dashed over the Van, Turkey's 'Dead Sea', a mass of hummocky ground to examine the buoyant alkaline water the size of Greater remains. I had only a few minutes before London. The lake is famous for the the bus horn called me back. I returned Armenian churches which can be found breathless to the group who applauded as on the many small islands.

I passed a small piece of petrified wood Time was against us and Van was our around. Whether from boat or tree was last taste of the East before we dashed for them to decide. back to the West. Covering 1,500 Our lunch stop was the corner shop at kilometres and passing through several the Iranian border. Biscuits and bubble centuries we reached Antalya feeling that gum were on the menu. These we we had discovered a world poorly represented in expensive whitewashed chewed as the bus bounced North along the border to the 'meteorite crater. The carpet shops and chip and burger bars of unimpressive cavity strongly resembled a Bodrum. small World War Two bomb crater, although the sign boasted its vital statistics and preached in confusing English that 'the hole of meteor is the second crater in the world except (that) another one which is in Alaska'.

The final venue involved a strenuous drive across virgin lava flows to reach the ice cave. A short walk took us from the exhausting heat of the afternoon Low cost flights into the icy drafts on quality airlines from a low wide

Christopher Riley

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Ian Hodge investigates the beautiful south

Brixton s Bazaar

Deep in the stagnant swamp that is South London is a market where you can buy many weird and wonderful things. If your idea of tasty is sheep's feet or pig's tails then you're in luck.

Brixton market, sandwiched between the tube and mainline stations, is the result of various ethnic and religious communities that live in close proximity.

Afro-Caribbean, African, South East Asian, Far East and English cultures all add flavour to the soup.

Lining both sides of Electric Avenue (the same one mentioned in the Eddy Grant song) are fruit and vegetable, second-hand shoe and even Bible stalls.

In addition to the normal King Williams pears and Cox's apples you can buy puna yams (a large relative of the potato), okra, gineps, juna plums, green bananas and plantain (longer than usual bananas.)

The permanent shops that are collected c

12

around a bend in the road are a mixture of butchers, grocers and clothes shops.

Looking into the butchers is definitely not for the squeamish or faint-hearted, whole cows are cut up with rotary saws with little thought for any passing vegetarians.

Any part of the cow can be bought, from its tail to its neck and everything in between.

You can even buy something that I remember from dissection lessons at school: pig's trotters. If you fancy trying them you can get four for less than a pound, but there's not much meat on them.

If you continue along Electric Avenue, cross over Atlantic Road and pass under the railway bridge you come into Pope's Road.

Here you will find more fruit and veg stalls, a knickers stall and one selling Jamaican sherry. You can even buy

pieces of wood in little plastic bags for a pound. I have no idea what they are for, if you buy some let me know.

Continuing on you come to a crossroads with Brixton Station Road, the Brixton Recreation Centre is in front and to the left. Looking left you will see a stall selling eggs and further along a couple of stalls selling second-hand records. They sell every kind of music but one of them does concentrate on more obscure artists.

If you turn right you come to the area of second hand clothes and general junk stalls. These aren't in full swing until at least an hour after the main market.

There is a good chance of picking up a suit for around ten pounds but most of the clothes would look more at home in a seventy's drama.

Retracing your steps, half way along Pope's Road you will see the entrance to the Granville Arcade on your left. This contains two of the strangest shops in the area.

Firstly the wig shop. Here you can get an afro-wig which the Four Tops would be proud of, so you too can look like a fuzz ball on legs. Inside you can get hair extensions in red, green, yellow and even brown, clip-on pony-tails and hair dye in every colour under the sun.

Further along 1st Avenue (the street and numbered, 1st to 5th) is a shop called 'Food from home'. This sells Indian Asian food, spices, vegetables and dried fish.

The fish comes both whole and in powders sold by the quarter.

Other shops in the arcade include a pet shop, several butchers and fishmongers, clothes shops and a bakers.

If you come out onto Atlantic Road by turning down an alley with a baker and a butcher on opposite sides you will come out almost opposite Market Row. This is a very similar to Granville Arcade, concentrating more on clothes and general household goods. This was the only place I could find which sold pigs tails, three in a bag for about fifty pence.

Other areas to look at are the railway arches, where you may hear some gospel singing, the area immediately behind the tube station and also some of the side streets off Electric Avenue.

If you fancy something to eat there are a few cafes dotted about such as Joe's Cafe along Brixton Station Road. It is reasonably priced and reasonably clean.

Getting to Brixton is easy, either take the Victoria line south or a British Rail train both to Brixton Station.

Stalls are set up by around half past nine along Electric Avenue and slighly later along Brixton Station Road.

The area is definitely worth a look although I was slighly disappointed with the lack of atmosphere for which the area is supposedly famous.

Sports Football: IC II, ULU division 1 defending champions, got a very rude awakening at the start of the 90/91 campaign, crashing like an IC house party 6-0 to London Hospitals.

Why? Lack of fitness and entirely new team sound better reasons than 'we were crap!'.

The next game, against Royal Free Hospital, saw a distinct and welcome improvement. Despite domination most of the match, a goal by S Barry, a double penalty save by S Shilling and some bizarre refereeing meant the match ended in a diplomatic 1-1 draw.

And so to victory....IC II, with improved fitness and teamwork, completely outclassed (and outscored) the School of Pharmacy team to earn their first league win, two points and captains jug! IC dominated from the start with M Abdo scoring a classy solo goal in the seventh minute. A shock equaliser two minutes later stemmed the IC tide until the fifteenth minute when M Plummer scored directly from a corner kick. Ten minutes later S Barry turned on a new 5p piece to crack in the third. IC started the second half in a relaxed mood and allowed SOP back into the game. A nervous and testing time ended shortly before full time as M Abdo blasted his second of the afternoon to make it 4-2 to IC.

IC IV-2

IC V - 0

What better way to start the season than to have this needle match to whet the appetite. With both sides still getting to know each other so early in the season, the first half began tensely, although the 4ths had the majority of the chances.

Captain Shangha missed an easy chance early on and then had an even easier chance cleared off the line. Not put off by their Captain's apparent mental disabilities, the 4ths soldiered on against some skilful play from the opposition and Keven McCann managed to hit the post.

The deadlock continued for half an hour after the interval, then the 4ths brought on their sub, Damon Thomas. He immediately made a brilliant run into the open left and then immediately and brilliantly buggered it up. This sub was then involved in an ugly incident at the other end as the 5ths foul-mouthed and lumbering captain maliculously bundled him off the ball, but luckily the referee was close at hand and no serious injury ensued.

Then, with 10 minutes left, the 4ths broke down the right and midfielder Rich Burrows slid the ball in for the deserved lead. Finally, close to the end and with the 5ths pressing for an equaliser, the 4ths counter-attacked and the versatile Lee Davis finished superbly to make sure of the result.

Dribblers The IC Dribblers, long regarded as the last hope of decent football at IC, cruised to a 7-0 victory at Goldsmith's on Sunday October 14, with a performance to put the men's teams to shame.

The Holbein trio, Permi, Gert and Eth bulldozed their way through a rock solid defence with amazing runs up the length of the pitch to leave the Goldsmiths side awestruck with their skill.

Permi put on a fine performance, scoring four goals after basically coming back from the dead afjter an horrendous foul by a Goldsmith's defender. But foul play and dirty tactics didn't deter the Dribblers as they romped home to a storming 7-0 victory. The Holbein trio, the backbone of the squad, the inspiration behind the team, were supported tremendously by the rest of the team, particularly the other scorers: Debbie, Jo and Nat. This fine performance has no doubt served as a grave warning to the other league teams—the Dribblers are back with a vengeance, and with the exciting prospect of further Holbeiners joining the squad, the other teams are no doubt shaking in their boots.

What a splendid performance!

Debbie Williams —A Tribute Debbie Williams, the figurehead of the IC Dribblers, made what was probably the toughest decision of her life on Sunday October 14 when she decided to step down and hand over captaincy to Permi—a member of the famous Holbein school of football. Debbie fought back the tears as she played what was to be her last game as Captain.

But what a performance she put on for her fans with a splendid first half goal laid on by her successor.

Debbie was the original founder of the famous Dribblers and, along with super coach, and inspiration behind the team, Willie John, has shaped the Dribblers into world beaters.

She put on a brave face as she led her team into Southside for the final time and made it a night to remember as she got completely pissed, and embarrassed all and sundry.

Debbie Williams—what a star, we stand up and applaud you!

Cross Country So, was October 13 to see a new dawn in the blighted recent history of IC Xcountry? Eight fit, young Corinthians thought so, and on a sunny day in early Fall they travelled to Oxford for the season's traditional curtain raiser, the Oxpoly Relays. High on hopes and buoyed by a sense of history, Frank Dudbridge blasted round the first lap of the technically demanding course to record 8.57 and 4th place for the A team.

The B team was opened by Ian Williams, who finished just behind Carl Edwards of the Guardians of the Free Spirit, consisting of the A runners in a different order. Destiny was now to rear its head as Paul Northrop stormed round in 8:12 to put IC A into an awesome 150m lead.

The other two teams ably maintained position through Duncan O ' D e l l i n the B and Frank performing a brave but ultimately naive 2nd individual leg for the C. Stage three, and the benefits of training above the snow line were demonstrated by Dave Bivvy, whose sturdy thighs kept the first team in the lead by a comfortable 57 second margin, while Paul pulled off a 9:11 for the Free Spirit and Jake maintained the B team's inexorable progress, the anchor leg fell to the hapless and woefully undertrained Carl, whose commendable effort might have held up against a mere mortal, but against a bronzed Adonis could only capitulate. Keven Usher of Oxpoly Old Boys not only relegated IC to second place, but also deprived Paul of the day's fastest time by just one second. Some comfort was gained, however, when Oxpoly Old Boys were not given first prize since the race was only open to current students. Meanwhile Harry brought the B team home in a respectable mid-field position, and the distinguishing feature of the C team, a pair of Oakley sunglasses, was displayed

by Dave, finishing ahead of many other colleges' A teams. So, moral victory and hopefully a springboard to further team and individual success in the season ahead.

Rifle & Pistol During the summer, the Imperial College Pistol team won the Howe Cup for the third consecutive year.

Long range scores

Imperial Simon Taylor 103/150 James Hurr 103/150 Tony Menzies 79/150 (Tim Griffiths 74/150) Reserve Oxford Steve Ivory 77/150 Kate Sprake 48/150 A . N . Other 36/150

13

Clubs & Societies sec

Last year, the Social Clubs Committee provided over 25 societies for the students of IC. They covered a wide spectrum of topics from political to science fiction tendencies. Unfortunately, over the summer, three societies have rapidly diminished and I am now putting out an appeal for potential committee members to step forward, and revive these flagging dominions. Of course, funding is available as last year's committees had already put a claim in.

The societies are: Greater London Club—organises events to promote London.

Third World First—Concerned with the developing world.

Women in Science and Technology—20% of the college's population trying to do the other 80%'s work.

If you are interested, please get in touch via ICU. S p e n s e r L a n e (SCC Chair).

Rock Soc review Solid State kicked off to a good start with some weird noises, and soon fell into a selection that wavered across the boundaries of rock n roll and rhythm and blues, with heavy metal solos. Twenty to twenty-five years ago this would have seemed exciting. They improved in the middle with the Sabbathy Heart Attack followed by softer material which they played well, but it wasn't what many of us had come to hear.

E.T.A.'s set was gripping, driving power metal storm that whipped the headbangers into a fury and sucked in a large crowd of oridinary people from outside. Since their excellent performance here last year, they have shed almost all traces of glam and even got thrashy in the ultra-heavy I'm a Man, which was one of the few tracks that wasn't played at breakneck speed. They did lighten up occasionally to give people a chance to boogie, so there was something for everyone. They played both songs from their single Easy Days Sleazy

Nights.

The

B side, Crazy was a superb, heavy blaze of speed and power. At only SI (plus £2 RockSoc membership) this was really good value for money. This was an even better performance than last year from E.T.A. and nobody was disappointed.

Science Fiction From the director of The Terminator Aliens,

The Abyss

and

takes you on an

underwater close encounter. More of a taught suspense thriller than a fish-like ET with the crew of an experimental underwater oil rig aiding the military on rescueing the crew of a crashed nuclear submarine. It gives a real sense of claustrophobia and has some disturbing

Fencing '

As an Olympic Sport, fencing is widely practised by amateurs across the globe.

These athletes play a game that is both unique and fascinating. They employ both mental and physical agility, as well as tactics and guile.

The history of fencing is long and chequered, sometimes popular, at one time illegal. The masters of the sixteenth and seventeenth century would teach their deadly techniques to all classes of person, from common brawlers to royalty.

Much of fencing's mystique comes from real or fictional characters. The infamous Julie de Maupin, who is reputed to have killed several men in a series of duels at a ball; simply because they had defended a woman she had insulted. Cyrano de Bergerac, who would challenge people to duels for just looking at his unfortunately long nose.

The image that springs to mind is invariably of Errol Flynn, swinging from chandaliers or fighting eight men at once.

However, the reality of fencing is far more beautiful than these spectacular, straightforward images. A great fencer's skills are subtle: blinding speed, judgement of timing and distance, the ability to be utterly unpredictable.

Al l of these things are difficult to see and impossible to understand unless you confront such a person with an epee, foil or sabre in your hand.

The fencing club at IC has fencers of all abilities, from beginner to advanced. Our coach is Ziemeck Wojciechowski, the National coach for foil and Olympic coach. We compete in the National University Athletics Union tournament which we won last year. No beginning equipment is needed other than trainers, tracksuit trousers and enthusiasm.

As fencers, you would be encouraged to train, fight, win and lose as sports men and women, to develop your own technique and to enjoy this exhilarating sport. If you're interested, why not come along and become the butcher of nothing more than a silk button?

moments with one real tear jerker of a scene. The effects are incredible and for full impact need to be seen on a big screen. The Abyss will be shown at 7.00pm on Tuesday October 30 in Mech Eng 220. Membership is £2 which includes a free film, or 80p entry to members.

Waterpolo O n Monday M o n d a v October O c t o h p r 22 in the thp first o am On game of the year, the IC squad won through a very physical encounter with Enfield to win 6-4. It was a fine team performance with everyone swimming hard, an encouraging sign with the U A U championships approaching.

Beginning this evening (Friday 27) expert coaching will be given by a Great Britain player, which will raise the level of our play, and set us up for an exciting and successful year. In Monday's game our early term fitness improved to be the decisive factor, showing that there is still plenty of room for any potential players prepared to train hard. So, all who expressed an interest, now is the time to come down to training every Monday and Friday from 6.00pm. There is also a women's waterpolo squad which was particularly successful last year, and which needs new players. Again come training on Monday or Friday for further details.

Sailing On Sunday October 14, the racing section of the Yacht Club took part in the first of eight races in the First Class Europe Winter Series. The crew, Tony Razmilovic, Thor Askerland, Emmanuel Osmont, Andre Coppola, Emmanuel Gringarten, Rick Dickinson, Rory Barrett and Tim Parons, practised hard on the Saturday to build up their confidence with gybes and tacks, and gaining the feel of the boat.

Race day on Sunday started slowly with some sleepy heads taking too long to ready themselves but even though the boat was one minute late for the start, and in spite of not having a pen to write down and plan the course and tactics, Not Us forged onwards, with sails full and ropes cracking. Two and a half laps later, we rounded for the final tack to the finish alongside arch-rivals Yes and just gently pulled away, to turn in a respectable fourth place (to be confirmed).

Next race: This Sunday (21st).

Swimming OSC On Friday November 2, at the IC Sports Centre from 6.30pm you can swim for free, courtesy of the pool management (many thanks), and the IC Swimming and Water Polo Club.

Why? Well it's quite simple, all swimmers will be raising money for charity, specifically as part of the Great British Swim which involves more than 140 swimming clubs around the country in aid of the National Asthma Campaign.

Do you know anyone with asthma? It's quite likely that you do, because it is the most common chronic disease in children, affecting more than two million people (1 in 10 children) in the UK alone. The National Asthma Campaign, through the 'Asthma Week' and the sponsored swim aims to raise over £50,000 for research into the causes of this disease.

So what's the catch? You know it's for charity so obviously it's to do with raising funds. This can be done in one of two ways (one way you can actually win prizes!) Either get a sponsorship form and get your friends to dig deep (see details below), or if you just come along for a free swim please be prepared to make a donation to the fund. So it's not too painful! In return for a free swim (up to 2!/2 hours long) all we ask for you is to give a little to the National Asthma Campaign—an undoubtedly worthy cause.

Should you wish to get hold of sponsorship forms please contact Chris Cox, through either the Mech Eng UG, or ACC ' W pigeonholes. A l l those who get sponsored receive a certificate for their labours and are eligible for a competiton in which you can win up to £100 in sports equipment vouchers.

So help us, help yourselves and the National Asthma Campaign by taking us up on our offer of a free swim. Come on down and get wet for charity!

Good news for overseas students: you will soon be able to find your country's newspapers in the Haldane Library. We have negotiated with the College Librarian, Mrs Magda Czigany, who kindly agreed that 25 overseas newspapers will be displayed. The National Societies will be responsible for looking after their newpapers and to answer any of your questions. This means that if you have a question, ask your society, not the library staff.

There are numerous students from various nationalities in this College who do not have a National Society (eg French and German students). We believe that there are many reasons why they should start their society, the main two being: to promote the culture of their country and to contribute more actively to the international character of this college, and to help new students from their country to adapt to and to benefit from living in London.

Starting a society is not as difficult or bureaucratic as it may sound, and societies' activities are usually subsidised by the Union. If you feel that starting a society is a good idea, we will be happy to provide you with all the information you need. Please let us know by writing to the OSC, IC Union (our pigeonhole is in the Union Office).

As for the existing socieites, we have not heard yet from the following: Latin American Malaysia Middle East We remind you that it is essential to check your pigeonhole regularly and that you must send a representative to OSC meetings.

Hang Gliding Hang gliding has been established in the UK for over ten years, and after a rather 'hippy image' it now enjoys a safety record on a par with skiing. A modern hang glider consists of about 601bs of Dacron, aluminium and assorted wires and has a glide angle similar to a modern airliner. In skilled hands it is capable of some pretty amazing performance...the current British altitude record is 13,200 feet above sea level, and the cross country distance record is over 200 miles.

The World distance record has recently been extended to over 300 miles.

Learning to fly a hang glider demands some perseverance in the early stages, but as you progress, the sport actually becomes less strenuous, as first you learn to soar and then to land back at the top of the hill (instead of the bottom). We have arranged for discounts on weekend training near Brighton and we will be organising at least two residential weeks on the Isle of Wight over Christmas and Easter.

Paragliding is a comparatively new sport which is fast gaining popularity in the UK. It originated in France where bored ski bums learned to foot launch ram-air parachutes from the top of mountains. The canopies have developed to the extent that they would be useless as a free-fall parachute, but they have much better performance as a result.

Modern canopies have a glide angle of about 6:1, which is the same as a hang glider ten years ago. The main advantage of paragliding over hang gliding is weight. A paraglider weighs only about 151bs, so you can carry it in a rucksack on public transport, your bike, even take it when you go hill walking—no more tedious walking down the mountain after you've admired the view! Even with their inferior glide performance, paragliders are still capable of remarkable feats— paraglider pilots regularly outclimb sailplanes and hang gliders because they can turn more tightly in thermals. Cross country flying is a bit easier than hang gliding, and is a bit quicker, but the two sports are highly complementary and if you start learning one it is quite easy to transfer to the other.

If you want to learn more (or just see some spectacular bird's eye views of China) come along to our introductory evening on Tuesday October 30, Room 703 Mech Eng at 6pm. We will be showing some videos and giving a talk about general aspects of the two sports.

'Hang gliding isn't quite as good as sex, but it lasts a lot longer.'—Robbie Whittal-1989 World Champion.

15

LETTERS

Seau What!

Dear Sir, Y o u r a r t i c l e last w e e k about C e c i l P a r k i n s o n left a lot to be desired. F i r s t l y ' C e c i l D r i n k s Perrier! F u l l s h o c k i n g story page 3!' In t h e true spirit of C o n s e r v a t i s m there w a s m i n i m a l G o v e r n m e n t a l i n t e r v e n t i o n i n the p u r c h a s e of refreshments. In fact there w a s n o n e : I b o u g h t the P e r r i e r at Q T . I w o u l d ra t her h a v e bought B r i t i s h , but t h e r e wasn't a n y , a n d I hadn't t i m e to p o p d o w n to H i g h Street K e n . I h o p e d he e n j o y e d it, I can't stand the stuff. I p r o m i s e w e ' l l do better next time.

A q u i c k s u r v e y at F r i d a y ' s C o n S o c m e e t i n g r e v e a l e d that e v e r y o n e

W h a t ' s

present—all t r u e C o n s e r v a t i v e s — c o u l d n a m e the c o u n t r y ' s t h i r d largest party.

This is a h i g h e r p e r c e n t a g e than a m o n g L i b e r a l D e m o c r a t supporters.

M o r e serious w a s y o u r c o r r e s p o n d e n t ' s m i s q u o t i n g of r e m a r k s M r P a r k i n s o n m a d e o n the state of the e c o n o m y . M r P a r k i n s o n said that the C o n s e r v a t i v e Party w o u l d n e v e r adopt ' w i n the e l e c t i o n, p a y later' policies. It didn't i n 1981 a n d w i l l not n o w . A t b o t h times the G o v e r n m e n t c o r r e c t l y insisted o n tight m o n e t a r y policies as the o n l y w a y to c o n t r o l inflation, e v e n if this j e o p a r d i s e d re-election prospects. T h e t wi st ed r e p o r t i n g i n this part of t h e article g a v e a

O n

c o m p l e t e l y false r e p r e s e n t a t i o n of the Government's economic policies.

1 think some mention might have been m a d e s o m e w h e r e of C o n S o c . W e put a lot of time a n d effort into m a k i n g o u r s p e a k e r m e e t i n g s enjoyable a n d successful. P a r t i c u l a r t h a n k s must go to A l a n Bailey, Julian Dyson, Thomas Wyatt and Michael Hoskin. W e expect our next guest s p e a k e r , E d w i n a C u r r i e (Tuesday, same time, s a m e place), to b e as p o p u l a r .

A d m i s s i o n is free to a n y o n e w h o c a n n a m e the c o u n t r y ' s largest p o l i t i c a l party.

T h e u n a t t e n d e d b a g was c h a l l e n g e d , t w i c e . L a t e r it w a s t a k e n a w a y for i n t e r r o g a t i o n . S a d l y , it w a s c l a i m e d before w e ' d got it to confess a n y t h i n g .

H o p e to see y o u a l l there o n T u e s d a y .

Yours faithfully, Ultan McCarthy, Physics 3.

A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL COLLEGE

FRIDAY Yacht Club Meeting 12.30pm Huxley 413.

ConSoc Meeting 12.30pm Mech Eng 703.

Rag Meeting 12.40pm Union Lounge. l.OOpm Friday Prayers Southside G y m . See Islamic Society.

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome to join in fun fitness training.

Fencing Club Training 6.40pm Club training.

Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Come along and join in one of the most physically demanding sports ever inveted.

SATURDAY Boat Club Putney Boathouse Kung Fu Club Wu Shu Kwan in Southside Gym.

9.00pm 4.30pm

SUNDAY Sunday Service 10.00am Anteroom Sherfield Building. See West London Chaplaincy.

Catholic Chaplaincy 11.00am 53 Cromwell Road.

Wargames 1.00pm U D H . A l l welcome.

Catholic Chaplaincy 11.00am 53 Cromwell Road.

Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Wu Shu Kwan in the Union G y m .

16

Boat Club Putney Boathouse.

..9.00pm

MONDAY RockSoc Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Come and hear the latest (beer optional). A l l abnormalities welcome.

Environment Soc 12.45pm Mech Eng 703. British Antarctic Survey with Dr Shanklin.

Basketball Club 5.30pm Volleyball Court. Men's Team.

Keep Fit 5.30pm Southside G y m .

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome to join in fun fitness training.

Rock n Roll 7.00pm JCR. Beginners WellSoc Meeting 7.30pm Physics LT1. Bob Symes (from Tomorrow's World) 'The Mysterious Mr Tesla'.

Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports.

8.00pm Latin American JCR. Beginners/Improvers

TUESDAY Riding Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Come and see how it feels to have 16 hands between your legs.

12.30pm Christian Outreach Elec Eng 508. Talk 4 'Life After Death'.

Radio Modellers 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass 12.30pm Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch.

Sailing Club 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

AudioSoc Meeting 12.30pm SCR. 1st floor Union Building. Equipment for hire and cheap LPs/CDs/Tapes.

ConSoc Meeting l.OOpm Edwina Currie speaks in Mech Eng 220.

Ents Meeting l.OOpm Union Lounge. A l l welcome.

Lunchtime Concert 1.15pm Read Theatre (level 5 Sherfield). Music by Bach, Doppler, Telemann, Gluck, Ridout. FREE. Radio Modellers 5.30pm Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit 5.30pm Southside Gym. Amenesty International 5.30pm Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting.

Social Ballroom 6.00pm JCR. Beginners.

Judo 6.30pm Union Gym. SciFi Film 7.00pm 'The Abyss' in Mech Eng 220. See clubs pages.

Latin American 7.00pm JCR. Bronze Medal Class.

WEDNESDAY Keep Fit 12.30pm Southside Gym. 12.45pm Sci Fi Video Union Lounge. 'Star Trek'.

FBI Meeting 12.45pm Maths 130. Morgan Grenfell, the merchant bankers, will be present.

Bailey's on the Rocks Dear Sir, A l a n B a i l e y ' s n e a n d e r t h a l t r e a t m e nt of an issue as c o m p l e x as s e x changes ( F E L I X 879) is s y m p t o m a t i c of the extent to w h i c h t u n n e l - v i s i o n a n d i n t e l l e c t u a l i m p o t e n c e c a n castrate t h e ability to r a t i o n a l l y c o n s i d e r a n d r e s p o n d to the i m p a c t of u n a v o i d a b l e c h a l l e n g e s to o u r social fabric. T h e e v e r a c c e l e r a t i n g effect of science a n d t e c h n o l o g y o n o u r lives has to be r e g a r d e d w i t h a m i n d set d e v o i d of a n y p r e c o n c e i v e d a n d simplistic ideas.

F o r e x a m p l e , to w h a t e x t e n t does genetic e n g i n e e r i n g enter the d o m a i n of m e d i c a l h e a l t h c a r e as a ' p r e - e m p t i v e ' cure? T h e A l a n B a i l e y ' s of the w o r l d w i l l c o n c e n t r a t e o n p r o p a g a n d i s t side issues like the ' d e v i a n t ' parents w h i c h c h o o s e the s e x of t h e ir c h i l d r e n ; i g n o r i n g , for e x a m p l e , that genetic e n g i n e e r i n g gives us the c h a n c e to e l i m i n a t e s o m e h e r e d i t a r y diseases w h i c h c o n d e m n thousands of p e o p l e to a lifetime of subnormal existence.

O n the sex-change issue, w h a t is the v a l u e to s o c i e t y of 25,000 p h y s i o l o g i c a l l y

Wargames 1.00pm U D H . A l l welcome.

Micro Club Meeting 1.15pm Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every week.

Rowing Club 2.00pm Putney Boathouse.

Basketball Club 7.30pm Volleyball Court. Women's Team Kung Fu Club 7.30pm Union Gym. W u Shu Kwan.

Christian Outreach 7.30pm Prayer meeting in Huxley Room 342.

THURSDAY Fencing Training 11.30am Intermediate & advanced coaching.

AudioSoc Meeting 12.30pm SCR. 1st floor Union Building. See Tuesday's entry.

Postgrad Lunch 12.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

Fencing Training 12.30pm Beginners Training.

Fencing Training 1.30pm General.

Gliding Club Meeting 1.00pm Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l newcomers welcome.

5.30pm Keep Fit Southside Gym BioSoc Talk 5.30pm Beit Arch W3. Talk on 'Sleep' by University College's Psychologist Dr Davies. Refreshments free. All welcome.

Midweek Service 5.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). See

maladjusted a n d p o t e n t i a l l y unstable people? T o p u t d o w n the s o l u t i o n to a p s y c h o l o g i c a l p r o b l e m w h i c h these ' r e v o l t i n g creatures' s h o u l d face u p to is a crude, t o t a l i t a r i a n d i s r e g a r d for the p r i m e ethic of a n y p r o g r e s s i v e society; to m a x i m i s e the f r e e d o m of its i n d i v i d u a l s .

O n e of the m a i n p r o b l e m s of people like A l a n B a i l e y , s t o m p i n g a r o u n d i n their self- r i g h t e o us i n t e l l e c t u a l jackboots, is that t h e y a c t u a l l y b e l i e v e that there are absolute m o r a l standards w h i c h c a n b e a p p l i e d to p e o p l e : there is a ' g o o d ' a n d a 'bad' p e r s o n , a 'deviant' a n d a ' w e i r d o ' .

W a k e up! G o o d a n d b a d c a n at most o n l y b e a p p l i e d to the i n t e r a c t i o n between t w o or more people. A person w h o has a s e x change is not a ' b a d ' p e r s o n for the s i m p l e reason of h a v i n g u n d e r g o n e a n o p e r a t i o n : it's the effects of the o p e r a t i o n o n his i n t e r a c t i o n w i t h others that has to b e j u d g e d . H a s A l a n B a i l e y e v e r m e t s o m e b o d y w h o has h a d a sex change?

T h e r e is a s i m p l e reason for people l i k e A l a n Bailey to try and arrange everything into little piles of ' g o o d ' a n d 'bad': t h e y

West London Chaplaincy.

6.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Intermediate.

6.30pm Judo Union Gym. 7.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Beginners.

Latin American 8.00pm JCR. Gold medal class.

ICCAG Soup Run 9.00pm Meet Weeks Hall Basement to take for to London's homeless.

Small Ads MEMBERS OF IMPERIAL C O L L E G E UNION C A N ADVERTISE IN THIS C O L U M N FOR FREE. M A X I M U M OF 25 W O R D S PLEASE. ANNOUNCEMENTS • S E C U R I T Y WARNING: Cycle locks are available from security (Sherfield) at £16.75.

• W O U L D T H E PERSON who used bolt cutters to steal my wallet, cheque book, watch and most importantly m y diary from my locker, Level 1, Mech Eng on Wednesday afternoon please find it in their heart to return at least the diary which is o l absolutely no use to yourself but contains important dates and addresses to me. You may leave it quite anonimously in my pigeonhole in Mech Eng. Thanks Neil Steer, ME4.

• H A N G GLIDING and paragliding club: Friday 12.30pm above Southside Bar. • BASSOONIST needed to play chamber wind music. Saxophonist needed to play in concert band. Contact St Mary's Student Union on 071-723 1252 ext 5197 (ansaphone-leave message for music society either Adriel or

\Veaf Sir

LETTERS

are s i m p l y n o t s t r o n g e n o u g h to face u p to the fact that life is d i s o r d e r , that w e are not in c o n t r o l to the extent to w h i c h w e t h i n k w e a r e . It's so easy to fall into the trap of a c c e p t i n g w h a t r e l i g i o n s , ideologies o r e v e n just p l a i n i n t e l l e c t u a l sloth tells y o u is 'the a n s w e r ' : it m a k e s y o u feel i n c o n t r o l . Y o u c o u l d almost forgive t h e m : spoon-fed a diet of o r d e r , shelter a n d u n l i m i t e d possibilities, b e h i n d a judeo-christian r e l i g i o n w h i c h a r r o g a n t l y supposes to h a v e a n a n s w e r for e v e r y t h i n g a n d a self-sustaining e c o n o m i c e n v i r o n m e n t b a s e d o n the m a x i m g u n (...), the chaos a n d t u r b u l e n c e that 9 0 % of the w o r l d ' s p o p u l a t i o n h a v e t o c o p e w i t h — r e a l i t y, d a m m i t ! — o n a d a i l y basis are easily h i d d e n .

But y o u can't: w e can't afford to condone narrow-mindedness. W e need responsible, c r e a t i v e p e o p l e w h o w i l l w o r k out n e w p a r a d i g m s for the w a y o u r society s h o u l d e v o l v e , not p r i m i t i v e , stagnant, jingoistic closet fascists.

Konrad Pagenstert, Mech Eng 3.

Brendan).

• T H E Y O G A CLASS will hold its first meeting on Monday October 29 at 7.30am in the Union Gym. For details ring Duncan on 6988.

• A S I A N / I N D I A N Society is holding a party in the JCR on November 30 from 9pm until late...

PERSONAL • A R E Y O U H A P P Y with your Brainwash? A psychologist speaks. Dr Davies from UCL talks on 'Why we Sleep' at 5.30pm in W3 (Beit Arch) on Thursday November 1. Refreshments afterwards are free.

• T H E SECRET message to the FBI is 'Morgan Grenfell'. The asignation is on Wednesday October 31 at 12.45pm in Maths 130.

• EDWINA CURRIE MP, Politician Writer and all round good egg, requests the pleasure of your company on Tuesday October 30 in Mech Eng 220 at 1.00pm.

• T W O A N D a half weeks to go Until you vomit, Over the Rag Mag.

Imperial College CHINESE SOCIETY

FRESHERS' DISCO 31st October 1990 at Tower Hotel £ 6 (members) £ 7 (non-members)

For details see ICCS noticeboard

HE'S 54, HE MANAGES 4000 PEOPLE, AND HE'S BEEN IN HIS INDUSTRY FOR 25 YEARS HOW ARE YOU GOING TO T E L L HIM TO SPEND ÂŁ5 MILLION? You're in a meeting with your manager and the Managing Director of your client. They're a ÂŁ300m company planning expansion into Europe. The M D turns to your manager: "If France is that attractive, why have all our competitors done so badly there?"

Your manager turns to you.

You're the one who's spent the last three weeks analysing the French market (you were in Paris interviewing last week).

Your answer is concise, if a little nervous, and two heads nod in agreement.

One month later, convinced by the quality of the analysis, the client board votes build the plant you to recommended.

It's a typical result.

As the largest strategic management consultancy in the U K , Bain & Company's task is to help clients produce superior performance in every aspect of their business.

As an Associate Consultant at Bain you are an essential part of that process.

The situation we've described is one you'll learn to take in your stride. The job demands maturity, problem solving ability, commitment and resourcefulness, and makes use of any language skills. To those qualities we'll add a rigorous training that will equip you to deal with complex business problems.

You'll work with like-minded people who'll rely on your contribution almost from the word go.

If that's the kind of challenge that appeals to you, come to our presentation and cocktail reception. at: Portman Intercontinental Hotel, Portman Square, W l on: Tuesday 6 November 1990 at: 7:00pm or contact Kayt Baker, Manager, Recruiting Department, Bain & Company, 16 Connaught Place, London W 2 2ES.

Bain & Company, Inc.

Manager's Bit Medics G i g The a p p a l l i n g c o c k - u p i n c o m m u n i c a t i o n s o v e r the Doctor and the Medics g i g has cost the U n i o n £ 5 . 5 k . C o l l e g e Estates h a d g i v e n the g o a h e a d for the b a n d to p l a y in the M a r q u e e that w a s u s e d for the C a r e e r s F a i r . It w a s i n t e n d e d that the profits w o u l d subsidise the p o t e n t i a l loss of the staging of the n e w i m p r o v e d C a r e e r s F a i r set-up. U n f o r t u n a t e l y n o agreement w i t h College w a s made in w r i t i n g . Re fe c t ori es h a d n o t b e e n c o n s u l t e d a n d t h e y h a d a b o o k i n g i n the M D H o n the s a m e night. Q u i t e r e a s o n a b l y t h e y objected to the noise that w o u l d h a v e e n s u e d a n d the lack of separate b a r facilities to c a t e r for the g i g goers.

It's a l l v e r y w e l l a l l o w i n g business to be c o n d u c t e d i n a n i n f o r m a l w a y if the d e a l is s m a l l a n d c o n c e r n s o r g a n i s a t i o n w i t h o n e t h i r d p a r t y . B u t , w h e n it c o m e s t o the staging of a function for a t h o u s a n d punters, a l a r g e s u m of m o n e y , a n d dealing w i t h m a n y College departments, it must b e d o n e b y the b o o k . It is a lesson that I hope the U n i o n w i l l h a v e learnt from, as I C U c a n n o t afford m o r e losses of the same m a g n i t u d e . T r u s t i n g

the w o r d of o n e m a n is n o t g o o d e n o u g h , so get t h e m to sign o n t h e dotted line.

W e s a w e n o u g h inept a c t i o n s m a d e b y last year's D P a n d it w o u l d be a s h a m e to get b a c k into that rut.

Security

u n k n o w n , C h i n e s e student c a l l e d at the stores i n the b a s e m e n t a n d r e q u e s t e d a p a i r of cutters. T h e cutters w e r e h a n d e d o v e r w i t h o u t a signature b e i n g o b t a i n e d a n d surprise, surprise, s e c u r i t y a r e v e r y interested i n t a l k i n g to h i m . S u c h a c t i o n is c o n t e m p t a b l e a n d I b e l i e v e that s t r o n g words have been had within the d e p a r t m e n t . T h e message f r o m S e c u r i t y is, as ever, d o n o t l e a v e v a l u a b l e s i n jackets i n u n l o c k e d a r e a s . . . y o u h a v e b e e n warned.

Credits

S e c u r i t y has b e e n t i g h t e n i n g u p its act h e l p e d b y o b s e r v a n t staff. I a m t o l d that loss of C o l l e g e p r o p e r t y (computers etc) has d r o p p e d , b u t that p e r s o n a l p r o p e r t y thefts a r e still h i g h . T h i s , I a m afraid, is d o w n to y o u .

A m a n w a s s t o p p e d a n d q u e s t i o n e d the other d a y , as he w a s a c t i n g s u s p i c i o u s l y .

S e c u r i t y w a s c a l l e d i n a n d after half a n h o u r m a n a g e d to verify his i d e n t i t y b y c a l l i n g St M a r y ' s . D u r i n g this t i m e , h o w e v e r , a n o t h e r c h a r a c t e r i n the s a m e b u i l d i n g m a d e his w a y to a n o t h e r part of the b u i l d i n g a n d a c q u i r e d a w a l l e t . In this instance it w a s just a case of b a d t i m i m g , but it does s h o w they a r e getting their act together.

Printing & Typesetting: A n d y a n d Rose News E d i t o r : T o b y Jones Features Editor: Roland F l o w e r d e w Science E d i t o r : Ian H o d g e Reviews Editor: A d a m T Music Editor: Sarah Photography: K a v e h , J e r e m y a n d Richard Others: A d a m Harrington, James Grinter, A n d y Butcher, Palestinian Society a n d C h i n e s e S o c i e t y (for collating).

Last Week: Liz W a r r e n & Jeremy, w h o 1 m i s s e d out last w e e k .

E v e n p e o p l e w h o h a v e h a d their l o c k e r s b r o k e n i n t o , s h o u l d be a w a r e of l e a v i n g v a l u a b l e s a r o u n d i n easily p e r p e t r a t e d areas. T h e s t u p i d t h i n g about the theft i n M e c h E n g is that a n , as y e t

FELIX is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board, and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (Tel: 071-225 8672). Manager: Chris Stapleton, Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell, Advertising Manager: Chris Adams. Copyright FELIX 1990. ISSN 1040-0711.

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UNION

President

Hon Sec

—Paul Shanley

Murray Williamson

Transport

One of our vans, A H U , is well and truly knackered. If anyone wants to buy a five year old white transit, 4 good tyres, only 140,000 miles on the clock, let me know—I can do you a deal.

Insurance

If any clubs still haven't submitted an insurance inventory please do so quickly.

Al l lists should be with approximate replacement values, inclusive of V A T and totalled.

Union

Office

Can any clubs or MSC's, who haven't directly done so, please sort through their pigeonholes in the office and clear any extraneous crap. Ta. Welfare

ICU will be running two campaigns this year: Healthy Lifestyles and Financial Awareness. Anyone who would like to help out, please give me a call in the Union Office.

unifying the two Unions.

Eve nts

Harlington Trust

to the Doctor

The Trust was set up for the distribution of income received from excavation of gravel at Harlington Sports' Ground. The current fund stands at million with a projected £3.3 million by the end of the programme. Considerable disruption occurred at Harlington resulting in reduced availability of sports facilities over the past few years. For this reason, a few historical ones, and because the revenue has come from 'The Union's Sports Ground', the trust money has always been earmarked for sports clubs' use.

The Rector has now started making noises about some of the money being used towards a new hall of residence. On a personal level I'm opposed to it. As a Union representative, I'm bound by what the majority thinks. What does everyone think? This will probably come up at the next Kensington UGM on December 6.

Saturday night. I am sorry if people missed it due to the lack of publicity/notice/high ticket price. The original plans were for a different type of event which at late notice could not be staged. The bands seemed to be well received by those that did go and I hope you enjoyed yourselves.

Tonight and next Friday there are Ents gigs in the Union Lounge. Next Friday there is a Bonfire Party out at Silwood.

This is always a good night and even though it will be dark, you get to see the Field Station out near Ascot. Tickets are £3 including band, disco, bonfire, firework display, free barbecue and late bar.

Return coach will be £2. Tickets from the Union Office.

Unfortunately very few people turned up

R C S U E l e c t i o ns St M a r y ' s

The first reading of bye-law changes relating to the merger document is set for the next UGM. This is at Mary's in the bar—now on Thursday November 8. The reading signifies the final stage in

Congratulations to Suzanne Ahmet on becoming the President. I look forward to working with her on exec this year. Does anyone want to be External Affairs Officer?

Entertainments -B.J. Hello again people. It's the Ents corner again but this time we have some actual news for you. A n d the great news is that, of course, the first of the Lounge gigs is tonight with Miss America

and Spirit

of

Ecstacy in a co-headline slot.

These gigs are on a smaller scale than our Freshers' Week events. They are in the Lounge in the Union Building and we start off at 9pm with the funky happening Disco and then after a bit, Spirit of Ecstacy will be performing live. This is one of the best of the Manchester-type bands. Yes, you may say 'so what, they all sound the same' but how wrong you would be. Spirit of Ecstacy have a very original sound—they seem to take snipits from a wide variety of musical styles— from the waa-waa guitar to the full blown power chords with a tight rhythm section make an excellent base for the powerful vocal tracks (including a very nice harmony). They are currently being hotly pursued by record company executives from all over the country. T have no doubt that these boys will be very big'— Ian Brown (well he may of said it).

Miss America have a different sound again with a slightly more commercial sound but still a kicking backbeat and

20

some very innovative guitar work. More like a Stone Roses/Soup

Dragons

Inspirai

Screem band. The only way to judge them is to turn up and see for yourself.

The price is £2 in advance from the Union Office or if you are lazy £2.50 on the door. If you are lucky enough to hold an Ents card, £1 will get you entry (both in advance and on the door—if there's any tickets left). Also the night's entertainment will feature a late-bar until lam—enough time to dull your inhibitions so you can strut your funky stuff until 2am. Can you go wrong?

Next week we have the Muscle Shoal plus support. Tickets are now available for this—they can be purchased tonight or any time from now from the Union Office. More about this next week.

P.S. I would like to point out that IC Ents had no connection with the Dr and the Medics disaster on Saturday October 20. We were called in to run the event— the organisation was not up to us—don't let it influence your decision to turn up in future—all our gigs are organised to a very high standard so that you can get the most enjoyment for the least amount of money. Turn up tonight and see for yourself.

and

the Medics

gig on

Elections

Well no one stood for FELIX Editor.

Another election will be held. In the meantime discussion is taking place as to what the election will be for.

We have received nominations for Welfare Officer and Women's Officer these being Helen Blacker and Marianne Purcell respectively.'

There are at present (23.10.90) no completed papers for the posts of PGAO, IRC Chair, Haldane Book Buyer, Handbook Editor, A P Editor, 2 First Year Reps to Council, 2 Ordinary Members Academic Affairs Committee, Secretary Academic Affairs Committee, 2 Ordinary Members ICCAG. We do need people to fill these posts so if you are interested please stand.

Elections will be at the UGM at St Mary's, now moved to November 8 so as not to clash with other functions. For the unfilled posts nominations will be taken from the floor so please turn up.

Publicity / Posters

Sorry if you got your posters taken down earlier in the week. It was part of College's clean up campaign for Commemoration Day. Clubs and Societies please note that the fine for publicity infringing the ICU rules is 25p per poster (per day).

Commemoration Ball

This ball, for the 1990 Graduates, was held last night. I hope those College members that went enjoyed themselves as much as we did.

Thanks

To BJ, Emma, Dom and all the Ents crew, Mylan, Richard, Graham, Nick and the ICDS Technies, Shan & Ben for recent help, in particular on Saturday and last night's functions. Also thanks to Tim and Mark for letting my team win the C&G MC Treasure Hunt.