http://felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1990/1990_0883_A

Friday 16th November Issue Number 883

Tiananmen Aftermath pi0,11 Colleges to Charge Tuition Fees Montpellier Update

| ^ Montpelier Setback M o n t p e l i e r H a l l has b e e n t a k e n off the m a r k e t for up t o three m o n t h s whilst l e g a l d o c u m e n t s are s c r u t i n i s e d . G o r d o n M a r s h a l l , the n e w D i r e c t o r of Estates, said that he h a d s o m e queries o v e r the w o r d i n g of the c o n t r a c t d r a w n up b y C l u t t o n s w h i c h , he t h o u g h t , d i d not ' m a x i m i s e the benefits' for c o l l e g e .

T h e hall w a s to be sold i n m i d D e c e m b e r , after student's a c c o m m o d a t i o n contracts r a n out o n the 16th. M r M a r s h a l l said that it w o u l d n o w be s o l d s o m e t i m e after m i d - F e b r u a r y but that the situation as r e g a r d s students still h a d to be 'sorted out'. H e thought that students w o u l d not w a n t s u c h a short c o n t r a c t but Miss O ' C a l l a g h a n , the A c c o m m o d a t i o n Officer, said that students w h o w a n t e d to

stay o n until M a r c h c o u l d a p p r o a c h her.

O n a c c o m m o d a t i o n , M r M a r s h a l l said that there w o u l d be a d o c u m e n t sent to all students d e t a i l i n g the state of affairs w i t h regards to M o n t p e l i e r H a l l a n d the C l a y p o n d s estate. R a t h e r t h a n d i r e c t l y transfer students b e t w e e n the residences, he said that he w o u l d like to offer students ' m o r e suitable a c c o m m o d a t i o n ' .

Miss O ' C a l l a g h a n c o n f i r m e d that there had b e e n no p o l i c y d e c i s i o n o n a l l o c a t i o n to C l a y p o n d s , t h e first phase of w h i c h s h o u l d be c o m p l e t e d b y J a n u a r y . She s a i d that this p h a s e s h o u l d consist of '25 single r o o m s , 12 d o u b l e r o o m s a n d si x bedsits for m a r r i e d c o u p l e s w i t h o u t c h i l d r e n ' , hopefully to b e filled 'for t h e rest of the academic year'.

Mr Marshall, explaining w h y Montpelier had b e e n w i t h d r a w n from t h e m a r k e t , said that b y a c c e p t i n g a t e n d e r the c o l l e g e w o u l d e n t e r into a b i n d i n g contract. T h i s m e a n t that the tender d o c u m e n t s h a d to be TOO p e r cent b o m b p r o o f a n d that the c o l l e g e h a d to i n c l u d e searches that w o u l d be p e r f o r m e d b y the p u r c h a s e r in the case of a n o r m a l house sale.

Start ing w i t h the post of Estates M a n a g e r , w h i c h has b e e n r e c e n t l y a d v e r t i s e d , M r M a r s h a l l w i l l be b u i l d i n g up a n e w t e a m for Estates. H e intends to p r o d u c e a p a m p h l e t in the near future setting out his plans for the s e c t i o n .

Could You Survive 9-6?

A n i n c r e a s e i n the l e n g t h of the C o l l e g e day to start at 9 . 0 0 a m a n d finish at 6 . 0 0 p m , a n d a s t a g g e r e d l u n c h b r e a k , has been r e c o m m e n d e d by a W o r k i n g Party.

T h e r e w i l l be a student r e f e r e n d u m o n the p r o p o s a l , d u r i n g the v o t i n g for the n o n - s a b b a t i c a l F e l i x E d i t o r , o n the 3 r d and 4 t h of D e c e m b e r .

A s w e l l as starting lectures o n the h o u r , the c h a n g e w o u l d i n t r o d u c e a staggered l u n c h b r e a k , splitting the c o l l e g e in t w o .

O n e section starting at 1 2 . 0 0 p m a n d o n e at l.OOpm. P a u l S h a n l e y , U n i o n P r e s i d e n t , said that the split m a y be m a d e b y d e p a r t m e n t w i t h , for e x a m p l e , all of G u i l d s t a k i n g

l u n c h at l . O O p m . H e said that this w o u l d not m e a n four h o u r s of lectures as the m o r n i n g s w o u l d be b r o k e n up w i t h tutorials a n d seminars.

M r S h a n l e y a g r e e d that a staggered l u n c h b r e a k w o u l d force c l u b s to reorganise*but d i d not t h i n k that a n y clubs w o u l d b e k i l l e d off b y the c h a n g e .

H e said that t h e r e w o u l d be c e r t a i n hours set aside for c l u b activities i n the same w a y that T u e s d a y a n d T h u r s d a y l u n c h t i m e s r e m a i n free at the m o m e n t .

H e a d d e d that queues for l u n c h w o u l d be r e d u c e d , m e a n i n g m o r e t i m e for other activities.

The

w o u l d consist of an e x t r a ballot sheet, h a n d e d out at the F e l i x e l e c t i o n . It w o u l d ask w h e t h e r the student w a s for, or against, the w h o l e p r o p o s a l as a p a c k a g e .

T h i s , he t h o u g h t , w o u l d g i v e a better r e p r e s e n t a t i o n of student feeling t h a n the response from t h e last U n i o n G e n e r a l Meeting.

W h e n a s k e d about the v i e w s of students. M r S h a n l e y said that he thought that s o m e w o u l d be i n f a v o u r but that half w o u l d be against a n y c h a n g e . H e e x p l a i n e d that c e r t a i n g r o u p s w o u l d not find the p r o p o s e d hours p r a c t i c a l .

r e f e r e n d u m , M r S h a n l e y said,

Miroslav Holub Lecture The internationally r e n o w n e d i m m u n o l o g i s t a n d p o l i t i c a l poet M i r o s l a v H o l u b t a l k e d last T u e s d a y i n a lecture arranged by the Humanities department and the H u x l e y s o c i e t y . O v e r a h u n d r e d students w e r e t h e r e to listen to h i m .

In his s p e e c h he e x p l a i n e d the p e c u l i a r s y m b i o s i s of s c i e n c e a n d p o l i t i cs in his n a t i v e C z e c h o s l o v a k i a . T h i s , he e x p l a i n e d , w a s due to t h e nature of science w h i c h 'teaches us n o t to fool o u r s e l v e s ' a n d w h i c h h a d a 'habit of t r u t h ' . T h i s , he said, w a s the r e a s o n w h y s c i e n c e w a s i n s t r u m e n t a l i n the d e s t r u c t i o n of M a r x i s t ideologies. A s an e x a m p l e he cited an e x p e r i e n c e he h a d w h i l s t b e i n g a pathologist i n n o r t h e r n P r a g u e . H e s a i d that he s a w the corpses of patients w h o had trusted i n the officially a p p r o v e d s p i r i t u a l healers b e i n g c a r r i e d a w a y b y the p o l i c e to p r e v e n t a p u b l i c autopsy.

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H e q u o t e d a fellow p h i l o s p h e r in s a y i n g that s c i e n c e n e e d s the v a l u e s of truth, trust, d i g n i t y a n d dissent to function m a k i n g the c o m p a r i s o n w i t h the p o l i t i c a l s y s t e m i n his c o u n t r y to w h i c h these values w e r e a n a t h a e m a .

A s w e l l as b e i n g chief r e s e a r c h i m m u n o l o g i s t at the Institute of C l i n i c a l and E x p e r i m a n t a l Medicine in Prague, M i r o s l a v H o l u b is also a poet. H e said that art a n d s c i e n c e , t h o u g h distinct, r e l i e d o n o n e a n o t h e r to b e effective. H e r e c i t e d his p o e m 'Reflections o n a Testtube' t o w a r d s the e n d of the lecture.

H e a c c e p t e d the p r e s i d e n c y of the H u x l e y society, a n d o n their b e h a l f h a n d e d o v e r a c h e q u e for ÂŁ 5 0 0 to the N a t i o n a l P o e t r y S o c i e t y , l a u n c h i n g a fund to p a y for a resident poet at the C o l l e g e .

A l l of H o l u b ' s b o o k s c a n be b o u g h t from the U n i o n B o o k s t o r e .

Queensgate Alert Scores of p e o p l e u n w i t t i n g l y r i s k e d their lives last F r i d a y b y t r y i n g to w a t c h the P o l i c e d e a l w i t h a suspected car b o m b in Queensgate.

After the car's a l a r m w a s set off, the front of the H u x l e y b u i l d i n g w a s e v a c u a t e d , but p e o p l e i n t h e higher floors l o o k e d out of t h e w i n d o w s . ' C a r b o m b s c a n create a p h e n o m e n a l a m o u n t of d a m a g e - p e o p l e s t i c k i n g t h e i r heads out of w i n d o w s c o u l d h a v e h a d t h e m b l o w n off, said Geoff R e e v e s , C o l l e g e S e c u r i t y Officer. H e a d d e d that-as t h e K u w a i t i a n d Iraqi embassies are situated n e a r b y , there was cause for e x t r a care.

T w e n t y m e t r e s of 2.5 i n c h c o p p e r p i p i n g w a s stolen f r o m the h y d r a n t s u p p l y of the Sherfield B u i l d i n g o v e r the w e e k . 'This w a s d a n g e r o u s a n d i r r e s p o n s i b l e , it w o u l d h a v e put e v e r y b o d y at r i sk h a d there b e e n a fire', s a i d C o l l e g e S e c u r i t y . T e r r y B r i l e y of s e c u r i t y said that if the F i r e B r i g a d e h a d b e e n c a l l e d to d e a l w i t h a fire, t h e y w o u l d h a v e h a d no w a t e r to fight it w i t h .

A n o t h e r c a r has b e e n b r o k e n into at the b a c k of the C h e m i s t r y b u i l d i n g . T w o c a m e r a cases a n d test m e t e r s w e r e stolen, a n d the cases w e r e r e c o v e r e d n e a r b y .

CYCLE CODING TODAY Friday 16th Nov. Sherfield Anteroom Have a coded serial number stamped on your crankshaft!

Be part of the Imperial audience in the filming of LWT's new series JOSIE starring Josie Lawrence from 'Who's Line is it Anyway'. Meet in the STOIC Studio (top floor Union Building) at 6.00pm on November 28. Tickets are FREE

Nil

4kkM\

AIM u W

• M o r e b i c y c l e s h a v e b e e n stolen, a n d the M e t r o p l o i t a n P o l i c e h a v e leafletted b i c y c l e o w n e r s a r o u n d c o l l e g e w a r n i n g t h e m of the dangers of theft. M r B r i l e y a d d e d that D-locks w e r e still a v a i l a b l e f r o m security

(ground floor of Sherfield) at ÂŁ 2 0 . 5 0 .

A n y b o d y s e e i n g a n y t h i n g suspicious, w h e t h e r possible theft o r s o m e t h i n g m o r e sinister, s h o u l d p h o n e 3372 (security) immediately.

Dissident Talks Last W e d n e s d a y Prof F a n g L i Z h i , the famous Chinese dissident that n o w lectures at C a m b r i d g e , g a v e a lecture o n ' T h e A n t h r o p i c P r i n c i p l e . ' It was o n e of a series of lectures that take p l a c e o n W e d n e s d a y s i n P h y s i c s , lecture t h e a t re one.

T h e lecture r e v o l v e d a r o u n d the c e n t r a l p r i n c i p l e that the f u n d a m e n t a l constants h a v e to be at their present v a l u e or the u n i v e r s e w o u l d not exist in its present state.

T h e r e was a c a p a c i t y a u d i e n c e a n d the lecture lasted for w e l l o v e r a n hour.

Mend-a-Bike

F u l h a m , London S W 6 ITD 071-371 5867

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m Mary's Rag Beer Festival Toilets Last W e d n e s d a y night the toilets i n t h e S t . M a r y ' s student u n i o n b a r w e r e v a n d a l i s e d , c a u s i n g d a m a g e of a p p r o x i m a t e l y S I 5 0 . O n the same e v e n i n g , a n a t t e m p t w a s m a d e to r e m o v e a sports t e a m p h o t o g r a p h f r o m t h e w a l l of the b a r, w h i c h resulted i n t h e s m a s h i n g of t h e glass a n d frame. It w a s s u s p e c t e d at the t i m e that I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n (ICU) m e m b e r s w e r e those r e s p o n s i b l e a n d o n e of t h e m w a s t r a c e d f r o m t h e d e s c r i p t i o n g i v e n b y o n e of the barman.

L a t e r, s i x m o r e offenders c a m e f o r w a r d a n d a d m i t t e d t a k e n part i n t h e act. T h e y w e r e o r d e r e d to p a y the cost of repairs a n d fined b y I C U . T h e m o n e y from the fines w i l l go t o w a r d s R a g .

It w a s t h o u g h t at the t i m e that the i n c i d e nt h a d o c c u r e d b e c a u s e of i n f l a m e d feelings o v e r m a s c o t r y . A treasure hunt, o r g a n i s e d b y S t . M a r y ' s students e a r l i e r this t e r m , h a d l e a d to the loss of a n u m b e r of signs from I m p e r i a l , together w i t h a S h i e l d f r o m C i t y a n d Guilds U n i o n .

In light of this the items h a v e a n d a r e being returned.

T h i s year's b e e r festival r a i s e d a l m o s t £ 4 1 0 0 . A c c o r d i n g to the R o y a l C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e (RCS), w h o o r g a i n i s e the festival, n o t a l l t h e b e e r w a s sold, p a r t l y d u e t o the lights i n t h e J C R b e i n g t u r n e d off at 10.00pm. T h e s e lights a r e c o m p u t e r controlled a n d could have been turned b a c k o n b y s e c u r i t y , if t h e y h a d found the r i g h t k e y .

T h e lights finally c a m e b a c k o n at 10.30 w h e n the p r i c e of a pint w a s r e d u c e d .

L a t e r , the R C S g a v e a w a y free beer i n a n

attempt to c l e a r the r e m a i n i n g stock.

C h a s R a n d i e s , t h e R C S V i c e President last y e a r , said that e v e r y b o d y h a d left b y 11.30 a n d that there w a s n o t r o u b l e .

T h e r a g stall sold £ 9 5 2 w o r t h of r a g mags a n d T-shirts d u r i n g t h e festival a n d w i l l be selling the r e m a i n i n g ' E l e p h a n t s C o m e 9 1 ' glasses for £ 1 . 5 0 e a c h i n the Union lounge during lunchtime today.

A l s o a v a i l a b l e are ' D r a g o n D i v i n e 8 9 ' Tshirts a n d past r a g mags.

Poor Uptake f or Student Loans A t the last F i n a n c e a n d E x e c u t i v e C o m m i t t e e m e e t i n g , o n the 2 n d N o v e m b e r , it w a s d i s c l o s e d that o n l y 150 students f r o m I m p e r i a l h a d t a k e n up a Student L o a n . Y e s t e r d a y , t h e figure stood at 2 0 0 , i n d i c a t i n g that just 10 students w e r e a p p l y i n g e a c h d a y that the office was open.

P e t e r M e e , the C o l l e g e R e g i s t r a r , suggested that a 'sensible t h i n g to d o ' w o u l d be to invest i n t h e f o r t h c o m i n g e l e c t r i c i t y s h a r e offer. Past r e c o r d s suggest that a n i n v e s t m e n t of £ 4 6 0 i n T S B , B r i t i s h G a s , Rolls R o y c e , B r i t i s h T e l e c o m , B r i t i s h Steel a n d other s i m i l a r floatations w o u l d profit the i n v e s t o r b y £ 8 0 w i t h i n t h e first few w e e k s .

U n l i k e s o m e b a n k s ' l i m i t e d overdrafts, a Student L o a n is not interest free but is l i n k e d to t h e rate of i n f l a t i o n . T h e m a x i m u m l o a n is £ 4 6 0 i n L o n d o n , rent better a c c o m m o d a t i o n . W h e n q u e s t i o n e d further as to h o w i n v e s t i n g i n a m o u n t a i n b i k e w o u l d h e l p t h e m to p a y off t h e l o a n after three y e a r s , m a n y r e s p o n d e d b y s a y i n g that t h e y w o u l d be l e a v i n g the c o u n t r y after t h e i r course.

T h e r e h a v e b e e n r u m o u r s that there c o u l d be restrictions o n f o r e i g n t r a v e l a m o n g s t B r i t i s h graduates to p r e v e n t this h a p p e n i n g . It has b e e n suggested that the l o a n r e p a y m e n t s h o u l d be w a i v e d if the

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r e p a y e d a y e a r later. If £ 4 6 0 is b o r r o w e d e a c h y e a r for a three y e a r course, £ 1 4 9 0 w o u l d h a v e to be r e p a y e d , b a s e d o n the present inflation rate of about 8%.

W h e n a few students w e r e a s k e d w h a t t h e y w o u l d use the l o a n e d m o n e y for, a m i n o r i t y said t h e y w o u l d i n v e s t the m o n e y i n a h i g h interest a c c o u n t . T h e rest said that t h e y w o u l d b u y n e w c a m e r a s , m o u n t a i n bikes, c o m p u t e r s , o r

FREE GIFT

m e a n i n g that £ 4 9 5 w o u l d h a v e to b e student w o r k s i n this c o u n t r y for three y e a r s after g r a d u a t i o n .

A n y b o d y i n t e r e s t e d i n a p p l y i n g for a l o a n s h o u l d visit r o o m 345 o n l e v e l 3 of the Sherfield B u i l d i n g o n a M o n d a y , W e d n e s d a y o r Friday b e t w e e n 11.45am and 3.15pm. B r i n g with y o u y o u r birth certificate, a letter c o n f i r m i n g a grant a n d details of y o u r b a n k a c c o u n t .

when y o u join

THE STOCK EXCHANGE INVESTORS CLUB (Reduced Subscription to FBI members)

Join up on T U E S D A Y

20th

N O V E M B E R

i n M a t h s R m 4 1 0 at 1 2 : 3 0 p m .

LINSTEAD H A L L presents

Cocktail Party with Live Jazz in Linstead Hall Bar Friday 23 Nov 7.30pm All Linstead and ex-Linsteadians welcome

IMPERIAL COLLEGE O.S.C. ENTS PRESENT

INTERNATIONAL NIGHT AT

THE PARK' DISCOTHEQUE 4th December '90 9.30pm to 3.00am

Smart Dress or National Costume Tickets available from the Union Office

£5.00

in advance

City & Guilds CARNIVAL Friday 23rd November 1990 featuring: Friends of Harry + The Bogus Brothers plus:

•k Disco * Bar Extension * Films * Cocktails * Doors open 8.00pm

Tickets £5.00 from the Guilds Office

A Man Escaped Darkman I

T h i s is a n escape story, w i t h a difference. T h e focus is o n o n e man, Lt Fontaine, captured and i m p r i s o n e d b y the Gestapo. F r o m the m o m e n t of his c a p t u r e , he tries to escape, again and again.

R o b e r t B r e s s o n is w e l l k n o w n for his s h a r p a n d m i n i m a l i s t style, a n d this film is a n e x c e l l e n t e x a m p l e . W e h a r d l y see the faces of the G e r m a n g u a r d s o r of the Gestapo. T h e y are not i m p o r t a n t . W e see F o n t a i n e not as a l i e u t e n a n t of the F r e n c h Resistance, but as the c a g e d a n i m a l they h a v e r e d u c e d h i m to. Y e t t h e y are u n a b l e to strip a w a y his h u m a n dignity.

In a p l a c e a i m e d totally at b r e a k i n g the h u m a n spirit, w h e r e c o n f i n e m e n t is solitary and betrayal c o m m o n p l a c e , m e n still m a n a g e to b e f r i e n d a n d support o n e a n o t h e r . B r e s s o n d r a w s a c a r e f u l contrast between Fontaine and a fellow prisoner, a priest, w h o , the Gestapo h a v i n g d e p r i v e d h i m of his B i b l e , b o r r o w s a p e n c i l (forbidden in the prison) off his fellows, that he m a y w r i t e d o w n his b e l o v e d verses. F o r , as he says, e v e r y m a n must h a v e a r e l i g i o n , a n o c c u p a t i o n , to stop h i m g o i n g m a d . ' M o i , je

m ' o c c u p e , ' says F o n t a i n e , a n d goes b a c k to his r e l i g i o n , the act of a t t e m p t i n g to escape.

T h e s p i r i t u a l i t y of this act is s i m p l y a n d beautifully i l l u s t r a t e d b y B r e s s o n . H i s c a m e r a m a k e s us l o v e F o n t a i n e , root for h i m a n d h o l d our breaths i n t u r n , as he q u i e t l y a n d p a t i e n t l y c o n c e n t r a t e s o n his task, u n d e r sentence of d e a t h f r o m his captors.

B r e s s o n e m p l o y e d n o n - p r o f e ssi o n a l actors in this f i l m . F r a n c o i s L e t e r r i e r is w o n d e r f u l as F o n t a i n e , w i t h o u t stealing the s h o w c o m p l e t e l y from t h e s u p p o r t i n g cast, w h o help integrate the film effectively.

A w a r n i n g : if y o u ' r e i n t e r e s t e d i n a g o o d o l d r o l l i c k i n g , u n t a x i n g c o m e d y for a night's e n t e r t a i n m e n t , this is just the opposite: stay a w a y ! O n t h e o t h e r h a n d , if y o u h a v e a single s h r e d of h u m a n i t y in y o u , that s h r e d w i l l b e g for a film l i k e this. B r e s s o n has l o n g b e e n a n i n s p i r a t i o n for m a n y of t o d a y ' s famous d i r e c t o r s . It is not difficult to see w h y , n o r to u n d e r s t a n d h o w this film w o n h i m the a w a r d for Best D i r e c t o r , at C a n n e s in 1957.

Zia A k b a r .

The Reflecting S k i n

1y f a v o u r i t e o c c u p a t i o n of a I w e e k e n d e v e n i n g (after the bar has •closed) is to w a t c h films o n C h a n n e l 4 o r B B C 2 that a n Irish g e n t l e m a n that is often also i n the c o m m o n r o o m describes as ' F u c k i n ' W i e r d ' . T h i s f i l m w o u l d slip beautifully i n t o that c a t e g o r y . A l l the c h a r a c t e r i st i cs of an art-house m o v i e are there, the a m a z i n g , v i s u a l l y s t u n n i n g a n d q u i e t l y s y m b o l i c p h o t o g r a p h y , the b i z a r r e s e q u e n c e of events, the o d d characters.

T h e last m i g h t be e x p l a i n e d b y the fact that the film is b e i n g told f r o m a c h i l d ' s v i e w p o i n t (reminiscent of Yaaba - a n o t h e r art house reference) w h o is t r a p p e d i n a n i g h t m a r e o n l y p a r t i a l l y of his o w n m a k i n g . H e has a p e r v e r t for a father, a b r o t h e r i n v o l v e d in a t o m i c testing a n d a

6

d o m i n e e r i n g m o t h e r . H i s friends are o n e b y o n e b e i n g m u r d e r e d , a n d he b e l i e v e s the w i d o w his b r o t h e r has fallen in l o v e w i t h is a v a m p i r e .

F r o m e x p l o d i n g frogs to selfi m m o l a t i o n , this film deals w i t h the d a r k e r sides of o u r natures a n d fears as Seth tries to m a k e sense of the adult w o r l d a n d m a k e s decisions that w i l l affect the rest of his life. S o m e of the sequences are rather d i s t u r b i n g , a n d not a little g r i z z l y , so t h e film is not for the faint of heart, but it's w o r t h the effort. This r e a l l y is a i m a g i n a t i v e a n d o r i g i n a l film that I e n j o y e d far m o r e t h a n I e x p e c t e d to do.

H o p e f u l l y its n o r m a l t h e a t r i c a l release w i l l give it the r e c o g n i t i o n it deserves.

Pendragon.

iDarkman opens w i t h the u n l i k e l y p r e m i s e that L a r r y D r a k e is a bloody hoodlum w i t h a penchant for a m p u t a t i o n . This m a y s e e m perfectly sober unless y o u r e c a l l that M r . D r a k e is the g e n t l e m a n w h o p o r t r a y s the r e t a r d e d office c l e r k , B e n n y , in LA Law. A l a s , the latter part is s t r o n g e r t h a n the first, a n d so the first s c e n e is s o m e w h a t s u r r e a l as B e n n y ' s d a r k alter ego (replete w i t h g r e y silk scarf d r a p e d r o u n d his neck) r a m p a g e s t h r o u g h a r i v a l gang. N u m e r o u s pieces of h e a v y a r t i l l e r y w a v e a r o u n d in the b a c k g r o u n d , a l t h o u g h a few t r u l y dreadful gags are sufficient to see off most of the b a d guys.

H a v i n g f i r m l y established the baddies, it's t i m e to meet the h e r o . P e y t o n W e s t l a k e is a (sorry, I feel a C a p i t a l Letter A t t t a c k c o m i n g on) M i l d - M a n n e r e d Scientist w h o has m a d e a S t a g g g e r i n g B u t F l a w e d D i s c o v e r y ; to w i t , the p r o d u c t i o n of sy n t h e t ic s k i n . U n f o r t u n a t e l y , the s k i n is o n l y stable for 100 minutes...

P e y t o n ' s girlfriend is a n a c c o u n t a n t (or s o m e t h i n g) w h o s t u m b l es into a b i g G a n g T h i n g . P r e d i c t a b l y e n o u g h this results in the hapless P e y t o n b e i n g beaten u p . a c i d s c a r r e d a n d g e n e r a l i t y not f l y i n g Business Class. B e l i e v e d d e a d , he is treated b y e x p e r i m e n t a l s u r g e r y w h i c h shorts out his finer feelings. B e i n g , not u n n a t u r a l l y , s o m e w h a t p e e v e d , he escapes a n d sifts t h r o u g h his l a b o r a t o r y w r e c k a g e . . .

T h e rest of the film c o n c e r n s itself w i t h the m u t i l a t e d P e y t o n ' s shift into the D a r k m a n , w h o uses his artificial s k i n to m a k e perfect m a s k s of his adversaries, r e v e n g e himself a n d w i n b a c k his girlfriend f r o m the B i g B a d G u y . T h i s appears to consist of a t i r e s o m e l y large n u m b e r of b a d jokes, a n u n a r g u a b l y w e l l c h o r e o g r a p h e d but o v e r f a m i l i a r sequence of stunts a n d s o m e s t a g g e r i n g o v e r a c t i n g .

Darkman is v i s u a l l y v e r y slick, a n d the w h o l e t h i n g (plot (!), effects a n d d i r e c t o r i a l style) is t a k e n d i r e c t l y f r o m c o m i c - b o o k s of the '70's. R e g r e t t a b l y , this is not as e n t e r t a i n i n g as it m i g h t s o u n d .

Stay h o m e a n d w a t c h N e i g h b o u r s .

The Flying Gerbil A n d Friend.

M y Blue Heaven REVIEWS

I

My Blue Heaven is v e r y v e r y v e r y v e r y h a p p y . It r e a l l y is h a p p y . If y o u ' v e seen a sad m o v i e , it c e r t a i n l y isn't this one, because this m o v i e reactivates, e x h i l a r a t e s a n d e x t e r m i n a t e s (possibly not the last).

T o s u m m a r i s e the plot : R i c k M o r a n i s is h a p p y . U n t i l his wife leaves h i m . Steve M a r t i n is h a p p y . U n t i l his w i f e leaves h i m .

(We s h o u l d p o i n t out that S t e v e M a r t i n is a supergrass w h o has b e e n g i v e n a n e w identity a n d R i c k is the F B I agent assigned to babysit. Not that Steve has a b a b y but w e ' r e sure he w a s o n e o n c e (or twice)). Steve has e x t r e m e difficulty w i t h a) adjusting to s m a l l - t o w n life b) his^ t a i l o r c) his k l e p t o m a n i a . A s s u c h he is p e r p e t u a l l y b e i n g a r r a i g n e d b y the l o c a l district a t t o r n e y (Joan C u s a c k , late of Working Girl). U n d i s t u r b e d b y this he c o n t i n u e s i n his naughtiness u n d e r the c o m f o r t a b l e d u v e t of F B I s e c u r i t y . R i c k is forced to confront J o a n (who finds the s m a l l hairs o n the b a c k of h e r n e c k r i s i n g i n his presence) amidst Steve's attempts

Steve g r o w s r e c i p r o c a l l y m o r e stable.

R i c k learns to d a n c e the m e r e n g u e (yes w e thought y o u ate it too) a n d gives b i g happies a l l r o u n d .

to i m p r o v e h e r footwear. A n d so o n .

T h e square (but not, t h a n k f u l l y , a full p h y s i c s fresher) M o r a n i s g r o w s c o o l e r as time goes b y u n d e r Steve's influence a n d

The Colony Comes a Cropper I This is a c t u a l l y t w o p l a y s . T h e first The Colony b y M a r i v a u x was w r i t t e n i n the e i g h t e e n t h c e n t u r y a n d s o m e of t h e ideas he c o m e s up w i t h are v e r y s u r p r i s i n g for t h e i r t i m e .

A g r o u p of m e n a n d w o m e n are s h i p w r e c k e d o n a desert i s l a n d a n d therefore no c o u n t r y ' s l a w s c a n h a v e a n y a u t h o r i t y o v e r t h e m . So a n e w g o v e r n m e n t has to be set up a n d a n e w c o n s t i t u t i on w r i t t e n . O f c o u r s e , the g o v e r n m e n t w o n ' t i n c l u d e the w o m e n — i t n e v e r has, w h y s h o u l d t h e y w o r r y their heads about it? T h e w o m e n h o w e v e r h a v e other ideas a n d stage a protest about their n o n - i n c l u s i o n i n affairs of state a n d l a w a n d justice. M a r i v a u x w a s not a feminist but m a n y of the ideas put f o r w a r d i n this p l a y are i n t e r e s t i n g i n v i e w of the t i m e . T h e r e w a s a lot of debate g o i n g o n in F r a n c e at this t i m e about w o m e n ' s rights. D e s p i t e this, I found this p l a y r a t h e r d r a w n out, it didn't h o l d m y interest to the e n d . It also s e e m e d rather artificial, a l t h o u g h at times it w a s quite a m u s i n g .

T h e s e c o n d p l a y Comes a Cropper w a s e s p e c i a l l y w r i t t e n for the c o m p a n y M o n s t r o u s R e g i m e n t — a s a k i n d of sequel to the p r e v i o u s p l a y . It is set i n the present d a y a n d o n c e m o r e p e o p l e are s t r a n d e d o n a desert i s l a n d — o n l y s e v e n this t i m e t h o u g h . P r e d i c t a b l y , released f r o m the l a w of a c o u n t r y , the m e n o n c e m o r e try to i n t i m i d a t e the w o m e n into letting t h e m t a k e c h a r g e .

T h i s p l a y is a m u s i n g at first—a few of the characters a r e m o d e r n stereotypes but again the p l a y loses interest t o w a r d s

the e n d a n d the e n d i n g is v e r y c o n t r i v e d , m e r e l y used as a n escape m e c h a n i s m , a n d r e a l l y r a t h e r spoils the p l a y — h a d there b e e n a n y s y m p a t h y left for it b y then!

T h e s e p l a y s w e r e r e a l l y rather d i s a p p o i n t i n g as the ideas w e r e g o o d a n d c o u l d , I feel, h a v e b e e n d e v e l o p e d better.

T h e p l a y s are s h o w i n g at the Battersea A r t s C e n t r e . T h e b o x office is o n 071-223 2223.

JLW.

—Films —Comics/Graphics —Theatre

B y the e n d of the film e v e r y b o d y is in l o v e w i t h the right p e o p l e a n d Steve has t u r n e d o v e r a n e w leaf (maybe). R i c k has m a n a g e d to beat some-one u p for no p a r t i c u l a r l y g o o d r e a s o n (most enjoyable).

E v e r y t h i n g is fluffy b u n n i e s all r o u n d (we don't feel w e have d e n i e d y o u the surprise of the ending).

In c o n c l u s i o n : T h i s film offers the c h a n c e to see Steve M a r t i n a c t i n g the role he does best (although not at his funniest), R i c k M o r a n i s i n a n e w role (ie. not a c a r d - c a r r y i n g nerd) a n d a turtle d o i n g w h a t turtles do (no m a r t i a l arts i n v o l v e d ) . L i g h t to the e x t r e m e , w e l l s e c t i o n e d (split w i t h nice little captions), forgettable a n d h a p p y h a p p y h a p p y happy happy.

See it if y o u ' v e got a s p a r e afternoon (it beats lectures).

The Amazing Flying Gerbil Machine

The Complete Spiderman i H a p p y M e m o r i e s . In m y post Beano I a n d p r e - D r . Who d a y s Marvel UK's 'Spider Man c o m i c w a s o n e of m y m a i n delights in a w e e k of tables r e c i t i n g a n d story w r i t i n g . N o w a d a y s those eyes of m i n e prefer X-men, a b r e a k from the toil of a n E n g l i s h D e g r e e . I t ' s nice to see M a r v e l U K r e t u r n to the S p i d e y reprint fold after the success of the U K o r i g i n a t e d Knights Of Pendragon a n d Strip (both w e l l w o r t h a l o o k , e s p e c i a l l y since Knights is n o w a regular m o n t h l y title).

H o w things h a v e c h a n g e d . Peter P a r k e r (the S p e c t a c u l a r S p i d e r M a n ) is n o w m a r r i e d to his o l d flame M a r y J a n e W a t s o n . H i s A u n t M a y a p p e a r s to be i n the throes of g e r i a t r i c l o v e a n d J . J o n a h J a m e s o n doesn't o w n the B u g l e a n y m o r e .

T h i s r e p r i n t b o o k a c t u a l l y i n c o r p o r a t es 4 U S issues, o n e e a c h f r o m Amazing Spider-Man, Spectacular Spider-Man, Web of (you guessed it) Spider-Man a n d the t w o a n d a half m i l l i o n selling, T o d d McFarlane w r i t t e n / d r a w n / i n k e d , new Spider-Man. A t £ 1 . 7 5 a n issue it represents a considerable saving on b u y i n g a l l the U S b o o k s s e p a r a t e l y (I k n o w , I c h e c k e d i n Mega-City), a n d the p r i n t q u a l i t y is better t h a n s o m e of the originals.

A s for the stories, w e l l , t h e w r i t e r s are n o C h r i s C l a r e m o u n t s , but the art is p r e t t y g o o d a n d the s t o r y l i n e s interesting.

E n o u g h to k e e p a n y c o m i c fan, w i t h a l i k i n g for super-types, h a p p y . W e l l w o r t h a trip to the l o c a l N e w s a g e n t s for. ( H o w about a M u t a n t s ' c o m b i n e s r e p r i n t book now, Marvel UK?) Pendragon.

Honeychile b

o

n

e

vtl)il

H o n e y c h i l e are h a p p e n i n ' . D e s c r i b e d as ' L o n d o n ' s hottest n e w d a n c e b a n d , ' their v e r s i o n of the H e n d r i x classic sounds fresh off the m i x i n g desk of a n y i n n o v a t i v e l y c r e a t i v e d a n c e group.

T h e m i x is g e n u i n e l y s t u n n i n g . T h e o r i g i n a l s o n g is b y no m e a n s a l i e n to the r a c y d a n c e beat, c o m p l e t e w i t h blips a n d t h u m p s . T h e r a p p y verses flow effortlessly b e t w e e n the soulful c a t c h y choruses.

There's nothing especially adventurous about it, it's s i m p l y c o n t a g i o u s .

Lush Moonflowers -LSE The Moonflowers l o o k at life i n a s p e c i a l w a y — ' W e t r i e d to h u g e v e r y o n e t o d a y as w e w a l k e d d o w n O x f o r d S t r e e t . . . o n l y four p e o p l e let us'.

T h i s figure surprises m e not. T h e Moonflowers are not the most a t t r a c t i v e b a n d I've e v e r seen—but w h o c a n tell u n d e r t h e masses of hair, g r e a s y face paint a n d f u n n y hats?

It was t i m e to forget the 90s, r e t u r n to the 70s a n d p r e t e n d that M a n c h e s t e r didn't r e a l l y e x i s t for a c o u p l e of hours.

The L S E bods were conquered b y both the head-beating, b o d y - c h u r n i n g , m e a t y n u m b e r s a n d the l o w - g e a r e d , headwibbling creations {prompting m y n e i g h b o u r to m u t t e r s o m e t h i n g about 'vibes' a n d ' l o v e - m a k i n g ' ) . L e g s w e r e d a n c e d off a n d b o d i e s c o m m u n e d t o g e t h e r - w h i c h e v e r s e e m e d a p p r o p r i a t e at the t i m e .

The Moonflowers' s o u n d is a m o n g r e l breed—a u n i f i c a t i o n of 70s r o c k , Doors, Led Zepplin, T-Rex w i t h a f e w r o u g h patches t h r o w n i n to k e e p it h u m a n .

T h e ir enthusiasm rolls o v e r their audience—an a u d i e n c e t r a n s f i x e d b y a s w i r l i n g , p r o j e c t e d b a c k d r o p , a n utter craftsman of a guitarist a n d a c h a p p i e w h o s e p o n y t a i l c a n o n l y b e d e s c r i b e d as ' m i s p l a c e d ' . T h e y ' r e a g u l p of fresh air, a n escape from the c u r r e n t p a t t e r n of C o l l e g e bands, a n d a c h a l l e n g e to grab.

T h e y ' r e happy a n d t h e y ' r e n o t out to c h a n g e the w o r l d . B u t t h e y ' r e g o i n g up— u n d e r scrutiny f r o m s e v e r a l r e c o r d c o m p a n i e s t h e ir first s i n g l e is out n o w .

Listen a n d l e a r n . See t h e m if y o u c a n .

T h e y ' r e g o i n g to be huge. IC Ents take note.

N o w , w h e r e d i d I put m y face paint?

Jimmy Rimmer

8

Lush as y o u w o u l d k n o w if y o u c a m e f r o m N o r t h o f the T y n e m e a n s d e a d g o o d , b r i l l i a n t etc, a n d Lush the b a n d c e r t a i n l y are.

A four p i e c e b a n d from L o n d o n consisting of M i k i ( g u i t a r / v o c a l s ) , E m m a ( g u i t a r / b a c k i n g vocals), S t e v e (bass) a n d C h r i s (drums) t h e y met (apart from E m m a ) as students at N o r t h L o n d o n P o l y a few years ago.

Lush h a v e a d i s t i n c t i v e s o u n d c o m b i n i n g jingly-jangly guitars w i t h sweet h a r m o n i o u s v o c a l s . A sort of Cocteau Twins meet Ride.

T h e gig b e g a n w i t h a s p e c t a c u l a r entrance by E m m a who tripped over a guitar lead, but all the laughs w e r e lost as the b a n d p l u n g e d into t h e ir first n u m b e r .

T h e set c o n s i s t e d of a l l t h e i r releases— f r o m their debut E P 5 c a r , t h r o u g h Mad Love ( w h i c h m a d e the top 50) to their latest E P Sweetness and Light. T h e y e v e n h a d to repeat a s o n g for t h e i r s e c o n d e n c o r e ! Lush h a v e a p p a r e n t l y g i v e n s o m e awful l i v e p e r f o r m a n c e s i n t h e past, but

Felo De

Steppin Stone 12"

T h e flip starts w i t h the Live Mix of the l e a d , a sharper v e r s i o n , c o m p l e t e d b y adlib hip-hop p i a n o a n d funk guit ar sounds.

T h e highlight is t h e n the n e x t track, entitled B e e - Side, a superb snide at the c o m p u l s i o n to p r o d u c e a n i n f e r i o r t r a c k just to fill the flip. L a c e d w i t h s u c h classic lines as 'So s i n g it n o w o r w e w o n ' t get p a i d , ' it's a j o v i a l tale of desperate songw r i t i n g in the traffic j a m o n the w a y to the studio (sounds a bit l i k e T h e Cure).

Utterly brilliant.

SJH

-T&CC 5.11.90

tonight t h e y s o u n d e d confident, fluent a n d a c c o m p l i s h e d . If y o u ' v e got a n y sense, y o u ' l l go out t o d a y a n d s p e n d the rest of y o u r grant o n A L L three Lush EPs. F i n a l l y the fresh-faced s u p p o r t act d e s e r v e a mention—Faith Over Reason— w h o , despite h a v i n g p o p p e d straight out of the Sundays m o u l d are a g o o d b a n d i n their o w n right.

Pinky and Perky.

Se —Trap Door

After w h a t s e e m e d a n e t e r n i t y at C i t y U n i v e r s i t y ' s T r a p d o o r , s o m e life o n stage g a v e the c r o w d s o m e t h i n g to stir about.

A d m i t t e d l y , as t w o s p a r k l e r s w e r e lit o n stage, 1 w o u l d rather h a v e b e e n r o u n d a bonfire w a t c h i n g a stuffed G u y F a w k e s b e i n g burnt.

Felo De Se finally st a r t ed despite p r o b l e m s w i t h the P A , n a m e l y s o m e o n e putting a c o m p r e s s o r o n it. H o w e v e r the distinctive b a n d s o u n d , s o m e w h e r e b e t w e e n the Breeders a n d B-52s, p u l l e d t h r o u g h m a k i n g the first s o n g , Fantasia, o n e of the m o s t m e m o r a b l e .

Despite the o v e r - z e a l o u s d r u m m e r , there w a s s o m e i m m a c u l a t e guitar w o r k , w h i c h n e v e r lost its e x c e l l e n c e . Felo e v e n

a t t e m p t e d H e n d r i x ' s Foxy Lady (the c h e e k y sods) a n d c o p e d a d m i r a b l y .

T h e vocalist's d a n c i n g a r o u n d the stage w i t h m u c h a r m w a v i n g a n d h a n g i n g from the m i k e s t a n d w a s e n t e r t a i n i n g , but he s h o u l d still do t h e Right T h i n g , a n d leave his female c o u n t e r p a r t to do a lot m o r e s i n g i n g a n d less b a c k i n g . T h e o n e s o n g she p e r f o r m e d herself, Close The Door, w a s superb w i t h beautiful d r e a m y vocals; a s o n g y o u w o u l d w a n t to d i e to.

T h e k e y b o a r d s filled i n the spaces a n d the o v e r a l l effect was v e r y p l e a s i n g . Ents w o u l d be d o i n g no b a d t h i n g to have t h e m p l a y here.

M A K with thanks to B r i a n

Pet Shop Boys —Behaviour LP Behaviour is the fifth a l b u m from the Shoppies, c o m p r i s i n g their first n e w m a t e r i a l for a l m o s t three y e a r s . S o m e h o w it c o m e s as n o surprise to find that t h e y haven't c h o s e n to d i v e r t f r o m their o w n eccentric path through rock 'n' roll.

For this r e c o r d the duo a r e r e p u t e d to h a v e g o n e in s e a r c h of the oldest synths t h e y c o u l d find (Casio V L - T o n e o w n e r s of the w o r l d unite) for those elusive spaceship l a n d i n g noises. W h e t h e r this is true or not, c e r t a i n l y the r e c o r d sounds s i m p l e r t h a n their p r e v i o u s denser w o r k ; production by Harold ' A x e l F' F a l t e r m e y e r h i g h l i g h t s this w i t h d e c i d e d l y low-key mixing.

T h e a l b u m opens w i t h Being Boring w h i c h is e i t h e r a u t o b i o g r a p h i c a l o r . . . s o m e t h i n g else. T h i s t r a c k is so gentle it's a l m o s t offensive, but s i m u l t a n e o u s l y carries the usual h i d e o u s l y a d d i c t i v e v o c a l h o o k (all the m o r e so for the triteness of the lyrics). T h e s e c o n d t r a ck is b u r d e n e d

with an intolerably long name w h i c h I c a n n o t be b o t h e r e d to repeat here; a neat m i d - p a ce s w e e p w i t h an arc of guitar from J o h n n y M a r r a n d p o s s i b l y the most familiar m a k e - u p of a n y t r a ck o n the r e c o r d . To Face The Truth follows a n d the Shoppies m a k e the m i s t a k e of falling into standard d a n c e / s o u l patterns w i t h the result that the s o n g is a p p a l l i n g . N e x t

up is How Can You Expect To Be Taken Seriously?, a q u i c k a n d w i t t y snipe at r o c k m onst ers a n d their fans.

T h e flip o p e n s w i t h My October Symphony, w o r t h a m e n t i o n for a guest a p p e a r a n c e b y the B a l a n e s c u S t r i n g Quartet (who supported, for w a n t of a better w o r d , o n the tour). So Hard follows, o d d l y out of p l a c e , t h e n Nervously, a r e l a t i v e non-entity; The End Of The World is a n o t h e r bittersweet b r e a k u p s o n g . Jealousy closes the L P quietly.

Behaviour is not the Pet Shop Boys'

W o r l d of T w i s t —The Storm EP If y o u ' r e a r e g u l a r c l u b g o e r a n d a n indie/dance crossover lovechild, you'll l o v e this E P . It is m a d e u p of the 7" a n d 12" v e r s i o n s of The Storm a n d c o v e r s of

the Rolling Stones' She's Like a Rainbow.

H o w e v e r , it is v e r y m u c h a studio s o u n d , a n d w e doubt t h e y w o u l d be able to r e p r o d u c e it l i v e .

The Storm (7") is fairly p o p p y , but lyrically sound (Tve tried a thousand times to m a k e the sun s h i n e i n m y m i n d .

But the m i n d w i l l not be w a r m e d , I can't release it f r o m the storm'). T h e 12" is c o m p l e t e l y different (is this the s a m e song?) h e a v i l y featuring w a h - w a h guitar a n d a t y p i c a l d a n c e d r u m beat, a l o n g w i t h lots of s p a c e y , t w i r l y noises. A n d just as y o u are b e g i n n i n g to t h i n k this is a n i n s t r u m e n t a l a n d d e f i n i t e ly not the s a m e s o n g — i n c o m e s a few muffled,

s u b d u e d w o r d s a n d t h e n a burst of the c h o r u s . She's Like a Rainbow (7") c o u l d almost be m i s t a k e n for the o r i g i n a l if it w a s n ' t for the a d d e d d r u m beat, w h e r e a s the 12" adds n u m e r o u s e x t r a i n s t r u m e n t a l bits. C o n s i d e r i n g the recent p o p u l a r i t y of the r e m i x e d Sympathy for the Devil, this is sure to be at least m o d e r a t e l y successful.

So our v e r d i c t : a l l i n a l l , r e a l l y quite good.

Pinky and Perky.

The Real People

finest m o m e n t but fans w o n ' t be d i s a p p o i n t e d a n d t h e y m a y g a i n a few c o n v e r t s . T h e n e x t single Being Boring is due for release o n N o v e m b e r 12th a n d a tour is in the w o r k s .

Stone

Competition W e are g i v i n g y o u a n o t h e r c h a n c e to w i n a c o p y of Prefab Sprout's latest a l b u m , Jordan: The Comeback, b y a n s w e r i n g the f o l l o w i n g questions: Who

featured o n h a r m o n i c a o n the From

Langley Park To Memphis album?

W h i c h of the f o l l o w i n g is N O T a Prefab Sprout song?

a) b) c) d)

Doo Wop In Harlam The Devil Has All The Best Tunes Green Isaac On The Right Hand Of God

W h o are the last four t r a c ks o n side o n e of Jordan about?

W h i c h t w o m e m b e r s of the b a n d are r e l a t e d a n d w h a t do they p l a y ?

Send your answers, including w h i c h format y o u prefer, C D o r cassette, to the F E L I X office to a r r i v e no later t h a n W e d n e s d a y N o v e m b e r 21st. T h e five w i n n e r s w i l l be d r a w n f r o m a hat.

—Window Pane 12" Loaded with dancy rhythms, loaded with guitar d r i v e n m e l o d i e s , l o a d e d w i t h . . . l o a d e d (Primal Scream).

A n o t h e r dose of i n d i e d a n c e , but this tastes s u r p r i s i n g l y g o o d . U s i n g a p r o v i n g f o r m u l a a n d d o i n g it as g o o d as a n y o n e , The Real People m a y h a v e a w i n n e r here.

I w a s h o p i n g for s o m e t h i n g n e w , a p r o g r e s s i o n f r o m the n o w y e a r - o l d d a n c e c r o s s o v e r (perhaps a n e x p e r i m e n t in s u p e r p o s i t i o n of d r u m tracks) but this w i l l do for n o w .

Greame

9

Chris Riley reports on the feelings of Beijing students, one year after the event

FELIX

Tiananmen: Riot or Massacre?

'Beijing experienced a horrifying counterr e v o l u t i o n a r y r e b e l l i o n o n J u n e 3 a n d 4, 1989. T h e p u r p o s e of the r e b e l l i o n w a s to o v e r t h r o w t h e leadership of the C h i n e s e C o m m u n i s t P a r t y a n d s u b v e r t the socialist People's R e p u b l i c of C h i n a ' .

T h i s is h o w the official C h i n e s e g o v e r n m e n t p u b l i c a t i o n ' T h e Beijing R i o t — A P h o t o R e c o r d ' opens its e x p l a n a t i o n of the events w h i c h t o o k p l a c e last y e a r .

T h e m o s t offensive aspect of the atrocities is t h e blatent d e n i a l b y the authorities that t h e y e v e r o c c u r r e d : t h e official v e r s i o n is that the massacre d i d n ' t happen. T h e propaganda continues...'A handful of rioters instigated i n n o c e n t p e o p l e w h o w e r e u n a w a r e of w h a t w a s g o i n g o n to intercept t h e m a r t i a l l a w e n f o r c e m e n t troops i n a n attempt to p r e v e n t t h e m from a d v a n c i n g into T i a n a n m e n Square. T h e y s m a s h e d o r burned military vehicles a n d public buses...and w e n t as far as b r u t a l l y m u r d e r i n g P L A soldiers a n d a r m e d policemen.' 'During the rebellion more t h a n 6,000 officers a n d m e n of the martial law troops, a r m e d police a n d p u b l i c s e c u r i t y p o l i c e w e r e injured a n d several dozen were killed. Also, more t h a n 3,000 c i v i l i a n s w e r e w o u n d e d a n d o v e r 2 0 0 d i e d , i n c l u d i n g 36 c o l l e g e students. A m o n g the n o n - m i l i t a r y casualties w e r e rioters w h o d e s e r v e d t h e p u n i s h m e n t , o n l o o k e r s as w e l l as d o c t o r s and other p e o p l e k i l l e d a n d injured accidentally while carrying out various duties at t h e scene of t h e riot.'

No s o o n e r h a d the b l o o d b e e n w a s h e d off the streets t h a n the w a v e of w i t c h hunts a n d e x e c u t i o n s b e g a n . E v e n n o w those c a u g ht s p e a k i n g to a foreign j o u r n a l i s t c a n b e a r r e s t e d for ' r u m o u r m o n g e r i n g ' . A J a p a n e s e geologist w h o s e c o m p a n y headquarters are s i x k i l o m e t r e s f r o m the S q u a r e estimated that o v e r 100,000 p e o p l e w e r e e x e c u t e d i n the a r e a during the crack-down w h i c h followed.

In J u l y of this y e a r I v i s i t e d Beijing as a tourist to attempt to talk t o students still s t u d y i n g there.

It w a s a l r e a d y u n c o m f o r t a b l y hot a n d close at 8 . 3 0 a m as I c y c l e d n o r t h a l o n g B e i c h i z i Dajie. T h e vastness of T i a n a n m e n S q u a r e o n m y left stretched into the s m o g and w a s t h r o n g e d w i t h C h i n e s e tourists.

A t the n o r t h of the square I t u r n e d right o n t o the w i d e J i n g s h a n Q i a n j i e a n d the front w h e e l r e a c h e d a series of ruts w h i c h s h o o k the a l r e a d y r i c k e t y frame and c a u s e d t h e b e l l to r i n g . It w a s o n e of a series of t a n k tracks fossilized i n t h e t a r m a c as testament to t h e a t r o c i t y w h i c h t o o k p l a c e just o v e r o n e y e a r a g o .

B e i j i n g is a l m o s t d e v o i d of u n i v e r s i t y students d u r i n g the u n c o m f o r t a b l e h u m i d m o n t h s of J u l y a n d A u g u s t , but a s p r i n k l i n g of postgraduates c a n still b e f o u n d i n their s q u a l i d , d i n g y halls of r e s i d e n c e . A s u r p r i s i n g n u m b e r a r e still

10

FELIX

T h i s is the last g e n e r a t i o n ; the next h a v e r e c e i v e d a different e d u c a t i o n . C h i n a as a c o u n t r y d e p e n d s a lot o n t h e g o v e r n o r s ' m i n d s . W e t h i n k of this as d e m o c r a c y .

T h e people are used to b e i n g l e d b y a p e r s o n , to h a v e a n e x a m p l e to follow. If e d u c a t i o n doesn't i m p r o v e this situation w i l l not c h a n g e a n d d e m o c r a c y w i l l not w o r k . If the students h a d c h a n g e d things to a d e m o c r a c y the w o r k e r s a n d peasants w o u l d not h a v e k n o w n h o w to react.

But last y e a r some of the w o r k e r s w e r e i n v o l v e d i n the m o v e m e n t .

It is not because t h e y t h i n k t h e s a m e as the students. S o m e w o r k e r s a n d g e n e r a l c i t i z e ns c a m e o n t o the streets out of s y m p a t h y for t h e students w i t h o u t k n o w i n g w h o to f o l l o w a n d w i t h o u t fully u n d e r s t a n d i n g t h e i m p l i c a t i o n s of the students' d e m a n d s . T h e C h i n e s e p e o p l e are a c c u s t o m e d to t h i n k as the g o v e r n m e n t t h i n k s a n d to b e l i e v e w h a t the papers s a y .

Isn't that w h y the c h a n g e s last y e a r w e r e so r a d i c a l a n d a l i e n to the p e o p l e because the students w e r e t h i n k i n g f o r themselves a n d g o i n g against what the g o v e r n m e n t thought?

D o y o u think r a d i c a l c h a n g e s w i l l e v e r take place? W h a t a r e y o u r hopes for C h i n a ' s future?

Tiananmen Square after the massacre. p r e p a r e d to r i s k the little f r e e d o m t h e y h a v e to speak about C h i n a ' s p r o b l e m s .

C h i n a is facing difficult t i m e s e c o n o m i c a l l y , because of last June's movement.

Has this p u t C h i n a b a c k a l o n g way?

Y e s , s o m e w h a t , but I t h i n k it is o n l y a t e m p o r a r y setback.

T h e C h i n e s e system is still v e r y u n p o p u l a r w o r l d w i d e , a n d this cannot be h e l p i n g to p r o p e l C h i n a towards a democracy.

Y e s , it is easy to u n d e r s t a n d that W e s t e r n c o u n t r i e s t h i n k the C h i n e s e s y s t e m is not right. W e students h a v e discussed this a n d w e also u n d e r s t a n d C h i n a v e r y w e l l . I t h i n k t h e attitude of the W e s t is w r o n g . T h e C h i n e s e p e o p l e c o m e from a different c u l t u r a l b a c k g r o u n d ; a different s y s t e m . W e h a v e had s o m e discussions together, fellow students a n d teachers a n d professors. W e a n a l y s e d the C h i n e s e s i t u a t i o n a n d the s y s t e m , a n d a g r e e d that n o o n e c a n s o l v e C h i n a ' s p r o b l e m s . N o matter w h o c o m e s to c o n t r o l the g o v e r n m e n t , t h e y w i l l still face the s a m e p r o b l e m s . It is n o t g o i n g to

change quickly.

T h i s y e a r , especially i n E u r o p e , there have b e e n some v e r y b i g changes; the B e r l i n W a l l came d o w n w i t h i n a few m o n t h s last y e a r .

Y e s . T h e C h i n e s e i n t e l l e c t u a ls w e r e s h o c k e d b y the r a p i d c h a n g e s i n Europe...but t h e y r e a l i s e d that it is easier for the E a s t e r n E u r o p e a n c o u n t r i e s to change.

W h y is there this difference? W h y was it p o s s i b l e f o r R o m a n i a to change almost o v e r n i g h t a n d f o r G e r m a n y , East a n d W e s t to unite?

It is the difference i n t h e c u l t u r a l a n d educational background. People in Eastern E u r o p e a n c o u n t r i e s h a v e better d e m o c r a t i c m i n d s t h a n the C h i n e s e p e o p l e . T h e y a r e s u r r o u n d e d b y capitalist countries a n d the people cannot avoid contact w i t h s u c h c o u n t r i e s . C h i n a o n l y opened ten years ago. T h e people have o n l y just b e g u n to e x p e r i e n c e the Western w o r l d w h i c h they cannot understand.

M a n y p e o p l e still don't k n o w w h a t life is l i k e i n o t h e r c o u n t r i e s . H o w d o y o u e x p l a i n c o l o u r s to a b l i n d p e r s o n ? H o w can y o u a s k C h i n e s e p e o p l e if t h e y w a n t d e m o c r a c y a n d a better k i n d of life, w h e n t h e y h a v e n o t h i n g to m a k e c o m p a r i s o n s

S o m e p e o p l e still h a v e s o m e hope, y e s perhaps...but C h i n a is still a c o m m u n i s t , socialist c o u n t r y . W e h a v e to d e p e n d o n our g o v e r n m e n t for a l m o s t e v e r y t h i n g ; our policies, o u r beliefs, o u r v i e w s . B u t n o w a d a y s t h e w o r l d is c h a n g i n g a n d C h i n a c a n n o l o n g e r r e m a i n isolated. T h e g o v e r n m e n t must face this a n d take n e w steps to d e v e l o p t h e c o u n t r y . T h e y h a v e t r i e d t h e i r best to c o m p r o m i s e w i t h W e s t e r n c o u n t r i e s b y h e l p i n g t h e m to invest i n C h i n a a n d o n l y i n this w a y c a n C h i n a d e v e l o p m o r e q u i c k l y . Sanctions, w h i c h w o u l d starve C h i n e s e p e o p l e of business, e c o n o m i c , c u l t u r a l a n d p o l i t i c a l contact, a r e n o t the a n s w e r . F r o m a historical p o i n t of v i e w C h i n a hasn't g o n e t h r o u g h the n a t u r a l process of d e v e l o p m e n t that capitalist c o u n t r i e s have. O u r e c o n o m y a n d education a r e still b a c k w a r d a n d i n this s i t u a t i o n it is v e r y difficult for us to c h a n g e o v e r n i g h t into a W e s t e r n c u l t u r e . W e h a v e b e c o m e more open since the e c o n o m i c revolution and it is easy t o see w e w i l l h a v e to face a lot m o r e p r o b l e m s e s p e c i a l l y i n these i n i t i a l stages before c o m p a n i e s a r e i n profit. T h e e c o n o m i c r e v o l u t i o n is just like the w e s t e r n e v o l u t i o n , but o u r s y s t e m is different a n d there are b o u n d to b e s o m e conflicts b e t w e e n t h e people: s o m e are n o t satisfied a n d t r y to protest. A f e w Chinese became rich overnight while others w h o w o r k e d i n factories m a i n t a i n e d the s a m e e c o n o m i c status.

T h i s is n o t n a t u r a l , a n d p e o p l e h a v e t o s h o w their d i s a g r e e m e n t . M a n y y o u n g p e o p l e don't u n d e r s t a n d t h e e n o r m i t y of the p r o b l e m .

...and one year later. w i t h . T h e m a j o r i t y of p e o p l e are s i m p l e farmers, peasants w h o c a n n o t c o m p r e h e n d d e m o c r a c y . A t present there is n o e d u c a t i o n for t h e m : e v e n if t h e y t r i e d to u n d e r s t a n d t h e y c o u l d not.

Eastern E urope an people have a m u c h h i g h e r l e v e l of e d u c a t i o n .

But last y e a r it was the students w h i c h s t a r t e d the m o v e towards democracy.

Y e s . . . y o u n g intellectuals, this is also C h i n e s e t r a d i t i o n . It is easy for t h e m to start a r e v o l u t i o n , but not easy for t h e m to b r i n g things to a c o n c l u s i o n ; it has happened before.

T h e locals s t i l l r e f e r to the S q u a r e as 'The C r e m a t o r i u m ' . L o o k i n g r o u n d T i a n a n m e n S q u a r e now, i n m y m i n d the m e m o r i e s of the b l o o d s h e d have h a r d l y faded, yet there a r e families p h o t o g r a p h i n g their c h i l d r e n , pe opl e flying kites a n d e v e r y o n e seems h a p p y a g a i n . A r e they r e a l l y s o happy?

It's easy for C h i n e s e p e o p l e to accept the facts. M o s t of the p e o p l e , e v e n t h e intellectuals, t h i n k that it is best for us to a c c e p t t h e s i t u a t i o n n o w , it is n o use t o protest.

H o w c a n y o u accept the massacre?

T h e C h i n e s e g o v e r n m e n t t r i e d to

' s m o o t h ' t h e p e o p l e , p r o v i d i n g food to c o n v i n c e the p e o p l e that t h e y are h a p p y and that things h a v e n o t c h a n g e d . M o s t p e o p l e a r e e a s i l y p l e a s e d a n d t h e y just w a n t a peaceful d a i l y life, like (I suppose) most p e o p l e i n the W e s t , not w o r r y i n g about w h a t d e m o c r a c y a n d f r e e d o m are.

But still it is h a r d f o r u s to i m a g i n e how f o r g i v i n g y o u c a n be a n d h o w y o u s e e m to forget things so quickly.

N o . In p e o p l e ' s hearts t h e y c a n n e v e r forgive s u c h a t h i n g . W e w i l l r e m e m b e r it for life. If i n t h e future a n i n t e l l e c t u a l w r i t e s history, this s c a n d a l w i l l b e remembered.

D o y o u still feel bitter inside because of w h a t t h e y di d?

W e k n o w that i n t h e s e n i o r g o v e r n m e n t there are still conflicts. R u n n i n g the g o v e r n m e n t is easier s a i d t h a n d o n e .

M a n y p e o p l e w e n t t o t h e street t o protest but if y o u i n v i t e d t h e m to f o r m a g o v e r n m e n t t h e y w o u l d not b e able to c h a n g e a n y t h i n g . W e k n o w s o m e of the d e m o c r a c y m o v e m e n t leaders, t h e y are not q u a l i f i ed p o l i t i c i a n s , t h e y a r e s i m p l y intellectuals w h o a r e i n t e r e s t e d i n politics.

It is s i m p l y n o t t i m e to t h i n k of d e m o c r a c y a n d f r e e d o m . W e still h a v e old generations from the 'Long March'; after t h e y d i e perhaps t h i n g s w i l l c h a n g e .

11

What's the difference between a bus and a Rhino? Nothing to a tsetse fly.

Dr John Brady explains this and more including what turns them on as he explores the life of...

African Vampires Question One: W h y did Africa never i n v e n t the w h e e l ?

A n s w e r : B e c a u s e it w a s p r e v e n t e d f r o m d o i n g so b y a s m a l l in-offensive l o o k i n g insect the size of a housefly.

T h i s beast—the tsetse fly—has m a i n t a i n e d for centuries a s t r a n g l e - h o l d o v e r t r o p i c a l A f r i c a . S o m e 5,000 years a g o , w h e n Middle Eastern civilisation was d i s c o v e r i n g a g r i c u l t u r e a n d b u i l d i n g the first a g r i c u l t u r a l surpluses to fuel the first m a r k e t e c o n o m i e s , the tsetse fly w a s a l r e a d y b e a v e r i n g a w a y in A f r i c a b i t i n g all the large v e r t e b r a t e s it c o u l d l a y its eyes o n — a n d g i v i n g t h e m s l e e p i n g sickness as it d i d so.

interest is i n h o w the tsetse finds the l a r g er v e r t e b r a t e s it feeds o n .

V i s u a l i s e the p r o b l e m f r o m the fly's point of v i e w . It has p o o r eyes, s e e i n g at best t w o o r d e r s of m a g n i t u d e ' w o r s e ' t h a n w e do. In g o o d light w e c a n r e s o l v e a n object o c c u p y i n g about o n e m i n u t e of arc ( 0 . 0 2 ° ) of o u r field of v i e w ; the tsetse is l u c k y if it c a n m a n a g e to r e s o l v e t w o degrees. B u t that is not its o n l y p r o b l e m .

It lives i n t h i c k A f r i c a n b u s h that n o r m a l l y b l o c k s off a l l lines of sight m o r e t h a n a few m e t r e s l o n g , a n d it is, of course, r a t h e r s m a l l . In f i n d i n g its n e x t m e a l , it is thus faced w i t h a situation of

fluttering l e a v e s or, w o r s e , passing i n s e c t i v o r o u s birds; a n d s l o w e r speeds c a n o n l y be m o v i n g s h a d o w s .

A n i c e i r o n y is that this is the reason w h y tsetse a r e so s t r o n g l y attracted to v e h i c l e s . E v o l u t i o n d i d not a l l o w for the a r r i v a l of the tourist bus? A n i n t r i g u i n g side q u e st i on is w h y e v o l u t i o n d i d not get tsetses to fly over the b u s h , as if t h e y w e r e h e l i c o p t e r s . T h a t w o u l d s e e m an e x c e l l e n t w a y of finding game—just like hot-air b a l l o o n i n g i n the S e r e n g e t i .

the k i n d w e m i g h t e x p e r i e n c e i n t r y i n g to locate a f r i e nd f r o m w h o m w e h a d got separated w h i l e o n a w a l k i n a vast w o o d — a n d to d o so w i t h o u t s h o u t i n g .

T h e tsetse has t w o t r i c k s u p its sleeve to s o l v e this c o n u n d r u m . T h e first is a neat p i e c e of n e u r a l e c o n o m y p r o v i d e d for it b y e v o l u t i o n . U n l i k e us, it is not i m p r e s s e d b y the a p p e a r a n c e of things. In our e x p e r i m e n t s at S i l w o o d it s h o w s little interest i n the shape or c o l o u r of p o t e n t i a l targets; a l l that r e a l l y turns it o n is the speed the targets m o v e at.

Specifically, it is the targets' angular v e l o c i t y past it w h i c h matters, a n d w h i c h the fly finds r e a l l y a t t r a c t i v e o n l y between 2 and 5 ° s . The clever thing about this is that it is p r e c i s e l y the speed o n e w o u l d e x p e c t a n y l a r g e v e r t e b r a t es w i t h i n the fly's v i s u a l r a n g e (say 10-30m) to m o v e at as t h e y b r o w s e t h r o u g h the bush. Faster speeds are l i k e l y to be o n l y

s i m p l e e n o u g h to say, but the w o r d s hide a m u l t i t u d e of n a v i g a t i o n a l p r o b l e m s .

H o w does the tsetse k n o w w h e r e the w i n d is c o m i n g from? H o w does it h e a d u p w i n d w h i l e flying? Does it, i n d e e d , head u p w i n d at a l l , o r d o e s it do s o m e t h i n g else? It c e r t a i n l y does not a r r i v e at a p o t e n t i a l m e a l i n a straight line, since e v e n t h o u g h it flies at o v e r 5 m s it takes m i n u t e s to find a host a n i m a l after first s m e l l i n g it. T h e s e a r e p r o b l e m s that interest m e a n d m y c ol l e a gues v e r y m u c h , a n d w e are currently pursuing them—with a video camera.

T h e fly's s e c o n d t r i c k is to use its nose.

L i k e all g o o d p r e d a t o r s, w h e n it smells a host it flies u p w i n d to l o o k for it. T h i s is

F u r t h e r n o r t h , m e a n w h i l e , the d o m e s t i c a t i o n of the horse h a d l e d to the d e v e l o p m e n t of the p l o u g h , a n d thus i n d i r e c t l y to the trade i n f o o d surpluses.

This in turn demanded transport and, w i t h the h o r s e to h a n d , i n v e n t i o n of the cart f o l l o w e d . In A f r i c a , b y contrast, the sickness c a r r i e d b y the tsetse p r e v e n t e d the d o m e s t i c a t i o n of a n y beast of b u r d e n — t h e n as n o w . A n d w i t h o u t d r a u g h t a n i m a l s there w a s n o r e a s o n to i n v e n t either w h e e l or p l o u g h . H e n c e , a n e c o n o m y based o n the hoe a n d the headl o a d : no p l o u g h , no surpluses; no surpluses, no w h e e l .

Q u e s t i o n T w o : H o w d i d the tsetse fly m a n a g e this?

A n s w e r : B e c a u s e of a n u n h o l y a l l i a n c e w e l d e d b y e v o l u t i o n b e t w e e n the tsetse a n d the t y r p a n o s o m e .

T h e fly needs b l o o d to live o n (it feeds o n n o t h i n g else), a n d the t r y p a n o s o m e (a m i c r o s c o p i c b l o o d parasite) n e e d s to get f r o m the b l o o d s t r e a m of o n e host to a n o t h e r in o r d e r to s u r v i v e . W h a t e v o l u t i o n d i d w a s to select the tsetse as the u n w i t t i n g t r a n s m i s s i o n v e h i c l e for the t r y p a n o s o m e . T h e fly i m b i b e s the parasites w i t h its breakfast, a n d passes t h e m o n w i t h its supper. W h a t the parasite t h e n does to its v i c t i m is to so debilitate it that it c a n n ot b e used for a n y k i n d of w o r k , a n d if it is a n a n i m a l n e w to A f r i c a , like the horse, it u s u a l l y dies.

Q u e s t i o n T h r e e : W h a t is I m p e r i a l College's interest i n all this?

A n s w e r : T h e D e p a r t m e n t of B i o l o g y has a two-fold interest. S o m e of its parasitologists are w o r k i n g a w a y at the defences of the t r y p a n o s o m e — a f o r m i d a b l e c h a l l e n g e to b o t h d r u g a n d vaccine development. A n d m y o w n

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W h a t w e do is to fly out to s o m e w h e r e n i c e in A f r i c a w i t h g o o d r e s e a r c h facilities—such as a b a r a n d s w i m m i n g p o o l — a n d t h e n set up the c a m e r a s .

U s u a l l y w e s u s p e n d t h e m f r o m a k i n d of s k y - h o o k , so that t h e y l o o k d o w n at the

Puzzled?

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g r o u n d a n d , w i t h luck, c a p t u r e o n tape shots of the tsetse flies that pass b y u n d e r n e a t h . B e c a u s e tsetses are so s m a l l , h o w e v e r , w e c a n o n l y l o o k at about 2 m b y 3 m of b u s h at a t i m e . A n d as the flies m o v e so fast (7 m s~' = 15 m p h ) w e see o n l y fleeting glimpses of t h e ir flight tracks as t h e y r e s p o n d to the artificial host o d o u r s w e h a v e floated o n t h e w i n d . It is a bit like t r y i n g to w o r k out the rules of football b y w a t c h i n g a v i d e o t a p e r e s t r i c t e d to close-up shots of the p l a y e r s .

T h i n g s are b e g i n n i n g to e m e r g e , h o w e v e r . T h e rules of the g a m e w e h a v e identified so far are, first, that if y o u are a tsetse l o o k i n g for a whiff of host o d o u r , y o u s e a r c h d o w n w i n d . If y o u then c h a n c e to fly into a s t r e a m of air that smells appetising, r u l e t w o says that y o u s h o u l d p e r f o r m a U - t u r n to get b a c k i n .

T h e r e are c o m p l i c a t i n g rules about w h a t to do w h e n y o u find a n o b v i o u s large object as y o u fly t h r o u g h the bush.

If it turns out to be a n i m a l , y o u m a y l a n d a n d eat. If, h o w e v e r , as is m o r e l i k e l y , it turns out to b e o n l y a tree trunk, o r s o m e i r r e l e v a n t structure stuck out there b y a n i n q u i s i t i v e e n t o m o l o g i s t , m o r e subtle subrules about the d i r e c t i o n to fly a w a y f r o m it must be f o l l o w e d . A n n e x B s h o u l d be c o n s u l t e d if y o u meet a l o n g the w a y a n o t h e r fly of the opposite sex, since for the sake of the future it is m o r e i m p o r t a n t to h a v e it off w i t h t h e m t h a n to l o o k for breakfast.

W h i l e I freely a d m i t that I find a n a l y s i n g this g a m e h i g h l y e n t e r t a i n i n g , it does a c t u a l l y h a v e a p r a c t i c a l purpose , too. In Z i m b a b w e t h e y h a v e spent years d e v i s i n g a n e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y friendly s y s t e m to c o n t r o l tsetse flies—to get r o u n d the a l t e r n a t i v e , r a t h e r less e n v i r o n m e n t a l l y friendly a p p r o a c h of k i l l i n g t h e m b y b l a n k e t c o v e r a g e of A f r i c a w i t h i n s e c t i c i d e s p r a y e d from aircraft. T h e Z i m b a b w e s y s t e m is based o n a 1 m s c r e e n b a i t e d w i t h essence of o x a n d s o a k e d in q u i c k - a c t i n g insecticide.

T h i s 'artificial c o w ' is e v i d e n t l y irresistable to the flies a n d , scattered at 500-m i n t e r v a l s t h r o u g h o u t the bush, attracts a n d kills all the l o c a l tsetse w i t h i n a few m o n t h s (a vache fatale perhaps?).

C o m p l e t e the a b o v e figure so that all the lines total 38.

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O u r role i n this w o r k a p p e a r s at the subsequent d e v e l o p m e n t stages, w h e n it b e c o m e s useful to k n o w w h a t aspects of artificial o d o u r streams attract tsetse, h o w the flies a p p r o a c h the screens, a n d h o w t h e y b e h a v e w h e n t h e y get to t h e m . O n l y w i t h s u c h k n o w l e d g e is it l i k e l y to be possible to o p t i m i s e the d e si gn to best attract flies a n d i n d u c e t h e m to l a n d f i r m l y o n the screens.

• Can you write interesting and informative features on scientific matters that affect our everyday lives?

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If so, I want to hear from you.

Come into the FELIX office any lunchtime and ask for Ian or dial 3515 internal.

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Sports Ladies Hockey Hang Gliding Swimming T h e ladies 1st X I h a d a successful w e e k w i n n i n g a l l t h r e e of their m a t c h e s .

W e d n e s d a y ' s g a m e against Sussex was to be the m a k e o r b r e a k of the U A U for the t e a m . It w a s v i t a l that they w o n to stand a c h a n c e of r e a c h i n g the n e x t r o u n d . T h e g a m e w a s v e r y e q u a l a n d p r o d u c e d the best h o c k e y p l a y e d this t e r m . Lisa P r e e d y s c o r e d the w i n n i n g g o a l w i t h i n the first ten minutes of the m a t c h b y t a k i n g it f r o m before t h e h a l f w a y l i n e . IC defence w a s s t r o n g w h i l e the f o r w a r d s h a d s e v e r a l m o r e shots at goal a n d w e r e u n l u c k y not to score a g a i n .

T h e match o n Saturday w a s a M i d d l e s e x l e a g u e m a t c h against O l d K i n g s t o n i a n s I. I m p e r i a l w e r e s l o w to get into the g a m e a n d d i d n o t p l a y to their true ability. H o w e v e r , after the first 15 m i n u t e s , IC b e g a n to c o n t r o l the m a t c h a n d this w a s s e c u r e d b y K a r e n Y o u n g ' s goal. T h e second goal was scored from a short c o r n e r w i t h a n e x c e l l e n t strike b y J a n e B u n c h . F i n a l score.: 2-0 to I m p e r i a l .

F i n a l l y o n S u n d a y , IC p l a y e d t h e first r o u n d of t h e U L C u p . W i t h o u t t h e u s u a l 1st X I t e a m , I C m a n a g e d to w i n b y 3-0.

T h e score does n o t reflect t h e g a m e as Royal Free I w e r e strong opposition a n d h a d n u m e r o u s shots at g o a l .

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s must go to t h e IC goalie, A l i s o n F r a n k l i n , for not l e t t i n g i n a g o a l all w e e k .

Football IC IV-3

Goldsmith's III - 1

A s the m a t c h got u n d e r w a y , the c o c k y o p p o s i t i o n w e r e s t u n n e d i n t o silence. IC i m m e d i a t e l y g a i n e d the i n i t i a t i v e , a n d d e s e r v e d l y t o o k the l e ad 5 m i n u t e s later when John Mottashed scored with a c r a c k i n g 30 y a r d shot. IC p i l e d o n t h e pressure a n d , w i t h p r o b a b l y t h e best passing m o v e of the d a y , K e v M c C a n n set u p a s i m p l e t a p i n for J o h n ' s s e c o n d .

After the t e a m s c h a n g e d ends, K e v s h o u l d h a v e w r a p p e d things u p . Instead he p e r f o r m e d o n e of r u g b y ' s better converted kicks from w h i c h the opposition pulled back a scrappy goal and p u s h e d for the e q u a l i s e r . T h i n g s b e g a n to l o o k o m i n o u s a n d w i t h ten m i n u t e s r e m a i n i n g , their c e n t r e - f o r w a r d b r o k e t h r o u g h s q u e e z i n g the b a l l , past IC's s t r a n d e d k e e p e r , t o w a r d s the g o a l . T h e worst seemed inevitable until D a m o n T h o m a s a c c o m p l i s h e d a n a s t o n i s h i n g slide to scoop the b a l l off the l i n e .

E n c o u r a g e d b y this, IC p r e s s e d f o r w a r d a n d G a r y M a h o n e y c u r l e d i n a beautiful free k i c k to finish off a b r i l l i a n t a l l - r o u n d team performance.

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C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s to C a t h e r i n e a n d S i m o n for o b t a i n i n g their F l s .

A n y o n e w i s h i n g to l e a r n to hang-glide or p a r a g l i d e b e t w e e n D e c e m b e r 15-22 i n the Isle of W i g h t , s h o u l d g i v e their n a m e s to Y a s m i n as s o o n as possible. A £ 3 0 deposit w i l l b e r e q u i r e d .

T h e r e w i l l b e a c h a n c e to t r y o t h e r sports s u c h as surfing, s a i l i n g a n d mountain biking.

T h e universities are p r o v i d e d with a s p e c i a l w i n t e r r a t e of £ 1 3 5 (of w h i c h 3 0 % w i l l be subsidised) for a 5-day course. T h e c o u r s e t a k es y o u to E P C l e v e l i n b o t h sports a n d is o p e n e n d e d for a y e a r .

Insurance is c u r r e n t l y £ 1 5 for three m o n t h s p a r a g l i d i n g or £ 2 5 h a n g g l i d i n g .

A c c o m m o d a t i o n ( e v e r y t h i n g inclusive) w i l l r a n g e b e t w e e n £ 2 0 a n d £ 4 0 for the week.

If y o u w i s h to l e a r n m o r e , j o i n us o n F r i d a y s at 1 2 . 3 0 p m i n Southside U p p e r Lounge. A l t e r n a t i v e l y contact Y a s m i n Saudi P / H in Maths.

Wu-Shu-Kwan

M a r k H o w s e r M a t h s III b e c a m e the W u Shu-Kwan British K i c k b o x i n g Champion o n S u n d a y O c t o b e r 28, c o m p e t i n g i n the six m o n t h l y W u - S h u - K w a n t o u r n a m e n t i n Surbiton Surrey.

His first fight p r o v e d his toughest, b e i n g k n o c k e d d o w n i n the first r o u n d . A l l o w e d to c o n t i n u e M a r k r e c o v e r e d s u p e r b l y a n d half-way t h r o u g h the s e c o n d r o u n d his o p p o n e n t d r a i n e d a n d , u n a b l e to c o n t i n u e , s u r r e n d e r e d to a t e c h n i c a l knockout.

N e x t c a m e t h e semi-final a n d a d r a w against the r e i g n i n g c h a m p i o n D a v e F i n c h . T h e fight w a s fast a n d furious resulting w i t h F i n c h flat o n the c a n v a s inside the first r o u n d a n d M a r k a p l a c e i n the final.

A t the e n d of t h e l o n g t o u r n a m e n t it was t i m e for t h e finals a n d M a r k e n t e r e d the r i n g full of c onfi de nc e. A f t e r o n l y 90 seconds of the first r o u n d , a n d f o l l o w i n g a ruthlessly p o w e r f u l assault b y M a r k , his o p p o n e n t w a s flat o n his face.

T h i s left M a r k the first e v e r c h a m p i o n , in a n y w e i g h t d i v i s i o n , to c o m e f r o m I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e a n d a l l of the club l o o k s f o r w a r d to s e e i n g h i m defend his title i n six m o n t h s t i m e .

On Friday N o v e m b e r 2 a sponsored swim, in a i d of the N a t i o n a l A s t h m a C a m p a i g n , t o o k place at I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e S w i m m i n g P o o l . A l t h o u g h the turn-out w a s a little d i s a p p o i n t i n g , e s p e c i a l l y a m o n g s t club m e m b e r s , the e v e n t w a s a success w i t h o v e r £ 7 5 0 b e i n g raised.

M a n y t h a n k s to those w h o p l e d g e d m o n e y , a n d to those w h o e v e n t u a l l y t o o k part. W e h o p e to h a v e the m o n e y c o l l e c t e d , a n d passed o n , s o o n so if e v e r y o n e 'pays u p ' q u i c k l y it w o u l d be a great help.

Cross Country It w a s w i t h s o m e t r e p i d a t i o n that the n o r m a l l y confident, blase, x - c o u n t r y t e a m a r r i v e d at G u i l d f o r d , scene of the s e c o n d installment of the soap o p e r a that is the L o n d o n C o l l e g e s L e a g u e . N o t o n l y d i d the course h a v e a r e p u t a t i o n of s e v e r e l y c o l d death, but s o m e s p l e n d i d l y erratic m i n i b u s d r i v i n g h a d r e d u c e d s e v e r a l of the t e a m into n e r v o u s w r e c k s w e l l before the starting g u n h a d b e e n fired. W i t h s e v e r a l first-team stalwarts m y s t e r i o u s l y missing, the o p p o s i t i o n m a y h a v e sensed a whiff of a possible upset. H o w e v e r , w i t h i n the first m i l e , P a u l N o r t h r o p h a d p o s e d a q u e s t i o n n o o n e i n the 130 s t r o n g field c o u l d a n s w e r . D e s p i t e c l a i m i n g to h a v e h a d a b a d r u n , he w a s n e v e r h e a d e d a n d c h a r g e d a w a y to his second win. Frank Dudbridge and A l e x Gaskell enjoyed a ding-dong encounter b e h i n d h i m , t h e i r p e r s o n a l battle e v e n t u a l l y t a k i n g its toll as t h e y w e r e passed i n the later stages. L e a g u e v e t e r a n F r a n k staggered i n 7th, w i t h the y o u n g e r A l e x p l o d d i n g h o m e 8 t h . B i l l Skailes, w e a r i n g a s u s p i c i o u s l y n e w t-shirt, m a n a g e d 29th, a n d L a u r e n c e F o w k e s , m i n u s his a p p e n d i x , 38th; a g o o d p e r f o r m a n c e since r a c i n g is a l l about guts. T h e c o m b i n e d points e n a b l e d IC to head the L e a g u e at this race, a n d thus e x t e n d its s a v a g e o v e r a l l l e a d .

T h e w o m e n ' s t e a m w e r e p l a c e d fourth o v e r a l l , after E d w i g e P i t e l , i n a n i n e x p l i c a b l e fit o f keenness, o v e r s h o t t h e finish b y 200 m e t r e s a n d lost 12 places before c o l l e c t i n g her disc. T h i s e n a b l e d H e l e n M a c i n t o s h to n i p i n a n d c l a i m 13th, E d w i g e w i n d i n g up i "th, K e r i W a r d e n O w e n 2 8 t h a n d S o n y a L e g g 31st. A d e a t h of attitude r e s t r i c t e d the s e c o n d men's t e a m to just t h r e e runners a n d thus the e a r l y f l o u n d e r i n g of their p r o m o t i o n c a m p a i g n ; h o w e v e r D a v e Budgett's 64th place gave h i m e n o u g h p o i n t s to e n c r o a c h o n t o the i n d i v i d u a l ' s leader board.

Clubs Football

Huxley Soc

OSC Vandalism

IC II-2 QMW II-O F o u r p l a y e r s a n d the k i t d e c i d e d to visit the L o r d M a y o r ' s p a r a d e o n the w a y to the g a m e . T h e r e m a i n d e r , the M a g n i f i c e n t S e v e n , a r r i v e d o n time a n d w a i t e d for the others...,and waited...,and w a i t e d .

Eventually w i t h only the m i n i m u m time a l l o w e d to p l a y left, a n d the referee refusing to referee the M a g n i f i c e n t S e v e n in their u n d e r p a n t s a n d boots, the c a v a l r y a r r i v e d . Q M W r a t h e r s p o r t i n g l y a g r e e d to p l a y a n d then r a t h e r s p o r t i n g l y lost. A t a hectic p a c e IC fitted 90 m i n u t e s into 70 a n d d o m i n a t e d . Goals f r o m A J o l a n a n d D C o o k e a r n e d IC the points. T h e o n l y questions r e m a i n i n g w e r e ' h o w q u i c k l y w o u l d the c a p t a i n r e c o v e r f r o m his nervous breakdown?' a n d 'how m u c h w o u l d the l e a g u e fine IC?'.

Badminton Results IC B a d m i n t o n r e m a i n u n b e a t e n i n the U A U Championships, with Surrey U n i v e r s i t y as t h e final hurdle to q u a l i f y i n g into t h e n e x t r o u n d as g r o u p w i n n e r s .

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s to IC ladies for w i n n i n g their m a t c h despite not b e i n g able to find a n o t h e r t w o p l a y e r s for a full t e a m .

IC lsts w e r e r a r e l y i n a n y t r o u b l e a l t h o u g h B h a r a t h a d difficulties w i t h his o p p o n e n t ' s c o n t r o v e r s i a l flick serve. IC 2nds w e r e a i d e d b y M a r k F r a n c i s a n d D a v e H a t t o n w i n n i n g a l l t h e i r games. T K Lee a n d P u n i t K h o r e , w i t h t w o g a m e s a n d the m a t c h u n d e r their belt, g a v e a w a y the final to t r y out the refectory's chips a n d beans!

Conservative After the success of o u r O c t o b e r speakers, C e c i l P a r k i n s o n a n d E d w i n a C u r r i e , o u r N o v e m b e r s p e a k e r s m a y be less famous, but still a r e d i sc u ssi n g subjects w h i c h a r e i m p o r t a n t to us a l l .

S h o u l d the H o u s e of C o m m o n s be a b o l i s h e d i n favour of a E u r o p e a n Parliament?

C o m e a n d hear Kenneth W a r r e n M P , discussing w h a t P a r l i a m e n t a n d its committees actually do.

K e n n e t h W a r r e n is the o n l y c h a r t e r e d e n g i n e e r i n t h e H o u s e of C o m m o n s a n d F e l l o w of the R o y a l A e r o n a u t i c a l S o c i e t y

In c e l e b r a t i o n o f t h e official l a u n c h of the society a n d the a c c e p t a n c e of M i r o s l a v H o l u b , i n t e r n a t i o n a l poet a n d scientist, as o u r first President w e a r e h a v i n g a cheese a n d w i n e p a r t y o n W e d n e s d a y N o v e m b e r 21 at 1.15pm. If y o u w a n t to j o i n the most e x c i t i n g s o c i e t y i n C o l l e g e c o m e a l o n g , sign o u r p r o - b l a s p h e m y d e c l a r a t i o n a n d help us to raise m o n e y for a resident poet at the C o l l e g e . G e t involved w i t h an anti-bullying campaign in o u r s c h o o l s . Celebrate w i t h other Humanists, Athiests a n d Agnostics the values a n d c r e a t i v i t y to be found i n science a n d o u r s e l v e s .

We have a bookstall every Friday lunchtime i n the J C R a n d regular discussions i n the Clubs C o m m i t t e e R o o m e v e r y W e d n e s d a y at 1.15pm.

O u r slogan is ' T h e sleep of r e a s o n brings forth m o n s t e r s ' .

ICSF ICSF a r e h a p p y to a n n o u n c e the start of o u r v i d e o l i b r a r y . D e s i g n e d to fill the gaps o t h e r v i d e o c o l l e c t i o n s do not fill, to boldly lend videos where no videos have b e e n lent before....

V i d e o s c a n be b o r r o w e d from the ICSF Library any weekday lunchtime. Joining the v i d e o l i b r a r y is s i m p l e . B r i n g a l o n g yourself, U n i o n c a r d , passport photo a n d £ 1 0 . 2 0 . T h e £ 1 0 is a deposit w h i c h w i l l be r e t u r n e d if y o u b r i n g a l l o u r v i d e o s b a c k . T h e 2 0 p a l l o w s us to seal y o u r c a r d in plastic. T h e first night is free of c h a r g e , but after that w e c h a r g e £ 1 . 5 0 a night.

C o m e d o w n to the l i b r a r y for m o r e details.

a m o n g others a n d he is also c h a i r m a n of the Select C o m m i t t e e o n T r a d e a n d Industry. H e w i l l be s p e a k i n g o n N o v e m b e r 15 at 1 p m i n M e c h E n g 2 1 3 .

Stefan T e r l e z k i is t h e B r i t i s h M e m b e r of the E u r o p e a n C o m m i t t e e for the P r e v e n t i o n of T o r t u r e , w h i c h i n v o l v e s i n s p e c t i n g state institutions t h r o u g h o u t Western Europe.

H e w i l l be s p e a k i n g o n N o v e m b e r 27 at l p m i n M e c h E n g 2 1 3 . H e w i l l be d i sc u ssi n g H u m a n Rights, a n d aspects of his life f r o m his b i r t h i n U k r a i n e , e n s l a v e m e n t b y the N a z i s , a n d his desertion f r o m the Soviet A r m y a r r i v i n g in B r i t a i n i n 1948.

A serious a n d distressing act of v a n d a l i s m was c a r r i e d out last w e e k i n C o l l e g e targetted at posters of the F r i e n d s of Palestine S o c i e t y . In total 31 posters w e r e willfully a n d d i s c r i m i n a t e l y r e m o v e d , t e n from the J C R a n d 21 f r o m the w a l k w a y .

T h e posters p u b l i c i s e d a l e c t u r e that w a s to take place o n T h u r s d a y N o v e m b e r 1.

T h e posters w e r e put up o n M o n d a y N o v e m b e r 29 b e t w e e n 1.00 a n d 2 . 0 0 p m .

T h e Chief S e c u r i t y Officer ( M r Reeves), a n d his assistant (Mr Briley), r e p o r t e d that n o t h i n g w a s m i s s i n g at a r o u n d 5.00pm.

T h e next m o r n i n g , the posters w e r e gone.

T h e matter w a s t a k e n u p b y the U n i o n , a n d the incident w a s r e p o r t e d to the Rector, Sir E r i c A s h . T h e U n i o n explained that if the p e r p e t r a t o r w a s caught, s e v e r e d i s c i p l i n a r y a c t i o n c o u l d b e t a k e n against h i m , r a n g i n g from a fine, up to r e f e r r i n g h i m to the C o l l e g e d i s c i p l i n a r y c o m m i t t e e , w h o h a v e the p o w e r to s u s p e n d o r e x p e l .

T h e O v e r s e a s Student C o m m i t t e e C h a i r m a n , A n d r e a s M a s s o u r o u s , has stood up i n c o n d e m n a t i o n of the v a n d a l i s m a n d w i l l pursue the matter p e r s o n a l l y .

D i s c r i m i n a t e acts of v a n d a l i s m o n this scale a r e e x t r e m e l y r a r e at I m p e r i a l , but it is still w o r r y i n g that t h e y s h o u l d h a p p e n at a l l . If y o u see a n y o n e suspiciously r e m o v i n g posters, or w r i t i n g c o m m e n t s o n t h e m , y o u must i m m e d i a t e l y r e p o r t it to t h e security office i n the Sherfield B u i l d i n g .

ULU Lesbian and Gay D u e to unforeseen c i r c u m s t a n c e s the article i n last w e e k ' s F E L I X w a s t w o w e e k s o l d . C h r i s S m i t h M P t a l k e d to us on N o v e m b e r 1 a n d w a s w e l l r e c e i v e d .

On November 8 w e had a social evening w h i c h w a s successful.

N e x t T h u r s d a y ( N o v e m b e r 22) D o n M i l l i g a n , c o l u m n i s t for Rouge a n d Living Marxism, w i l l be e n l i g h t e n i n g us o n the role of lesbians a n d gays i n the R e v o l u t i o n a r y C o m m u n i s t P a r t y . A l l are w e l c o m e w h e t h e r lesbian, g a y , b i s e x u a l , T V , t r a n s s e x u a l or h e t e r o s e x u a l to a l l meetings.

F o r t h c o m i n g events include the C h r i s t m a s disco a n d a s h o w i n g of My Y o u c a n contact the Beautiful Laundrette. c o m m i t t e e t h r o u g h the s o c i e t y p i g e o n h o l e at U L U , M a l e t Street W C 1 o r v i a t h e Geology Department mail rack (Royal S c h o o l of M i n e s , s e c o n d floor) to m e , Stuart J o c e l y n e ( M i n i n g G e o l 2), Treasurer.

15

LETTERS

Baal

Baa Dear Chris, S i n c e y o u refuse to p u b l i s h m y response to K o n r a d Pagenstert's p e r s o n a l a n d v i c i o u s attack o n me, I a m w r i t i n g to i n f o r m m y f e l l o w students of a n o t h e r i m p o r t a n t issue.

I, l i k e m a n y of m y f e l l o w p a t r i o t i c c o u n t r y m e n w e n t to t h e C e n o t a p h last S u n d a y , i n o r d e r to h o n o u r o u r b r a v e w a r heroes a n d p a y respect to those w h o n e v e r r e t u r n e d . It was a n e x t r e m e l y m o v i n g and glorious occassion.

There was h o w e v e r one thing missing, or s h o u l d I s a y p e r s o n . P r i n c e C h a r l e s that is. A n d w h e r e w a s h e ? In J a p a n , for the e n t h r o n e m e n t of t h e n e w E m p e r o r .

M y o p i n i o n of t h e R o y a l F a m i l y w a s d a m a g e d , w h e n P r i n c e P h i l l i p w e n t to H i r o h i t o ' s f u n e r a l to p a y respect. Respect?

T h a t nasty little N i p d e s e r v e d N O respect.

H e w a s t h e h e a d of a c o u n t r y that s l a u g h t e r e d, s t a r v e d a n d b u t c h e r e d a l l i e d soldiers. P r i n c e P h i l l i p s h o u l d h a v e said ' G o o d R i d d a n c e ' , instead of b o w i n g his head.

N o w w e h a v e C h a r l e s — l i k e father l i k e son 1 suppose. C h a r l e s , w h o refused to go to t h e Battle of B r i t a i n c e r e m o n y earlier this y e a r b e c a u s e of his b a d a r m . I hope he felt guilty w h e n he s a w b r a v e w a r heroes m a r c h i n g o n c e r e m o n y , o n e of w h o m h a d lost a n a r m . T h e y didn't b u g g e r off w h e n t h e i r c o u n t r y n e e d e d t h e m at ' O u r finest h o u r ' .

B y C h a r l e s ' a c t i o n s at t h e w e e k e n d , he

has for m e , r e c o g n i s e d m y w o r s t fears.

H e o b v i o u s l y prefers t h e c o m p a n y of plants a n d t r e es t o B r i t i s h p e o p l e . H e w i l l g i v e u p his t i m e to m a k e a v i d e o i n o r d e r to stop a few acres of r a i n forest f r o m b e i n g felled, but w h e n it c o m e s to h o n o u r i n g B r i t i s h w a r heroes he refuses.

P r i n c e C h a r l e s ' actions a r e at t h e v e r y least insensitive a n d i n s u l t i n g , a n d at t h e worst close to t r e a c h e r y . I c a n n o t express m y disgust at his actions so I w i l l quote f r o m the c h a i r m a n of t h e w a r vets association. H e said 'Let's h o p e that C h a r l e s a n d D i don't get t h e s a m e w e l c o m e as w e a n d m y c o l l e a g u e s d i d .

T h a t is s t a r v a t i o n , beatings a n d beheadings'.

C h a r l i e b o y prefers to s p e n d r e m e m b r a n c e d a y i n a c o u n t r y that b u t c h e r e d o u r lads a n d w a s (some m i g h t s a y still is) o u r e n e m y . A c o u n t r y w h o just last w e e k s l a u g h t e r e d a few 1,000 d o l p h i n s a n d t h e n said that t h e y just h a p p e n e d to c o m m i t mass s u i c i d e o n a handy Nippon beach, where they were h a c k e d to pieces of profit. Y e s , of course t h e y d i d . Just as t h e w a r h e r o e s of o u r great c o u n t r y v o l u n t e e r e d to b u i l d bridges a n d h a d a w o n d e r f u l time i n their brutal P o W camps.

A n d if y o u b e l i e v e that, y o u ' l l b e l i e v e that K o n r a d P a g e n s t e r n talks a lot of sense.

Yours, Alan Bailey, Chem 2.

Dear FELIX, T h e nationalist g o v e r n m e n t of C h i n a n e v e r a t t e m p t e d to i n t r o d u c e d e m o c r a c y .

It w a s r e s p o n s i b l e for s e v e r a l b l o o d y massacres. B e f o r e W o r l d W a r II it o p e n l y m o d e l l e d itself o n F a s c i s m , p e o p l e w h o oppose t h e c u r r e n t r e g i m e o n l i b e r t a r i a n grounds need have no sympathy with the nationalists.

T h e c u l t u r a l r e v o l u t i o n w a s supposed to m o v e p o w e r a w a y from t h e bureaucrats a n d p a r t y elite, to o r d i n a r y p e o p l e w h e r e it b e l o n g e d . U n f o r t u n a t e l y M a o w a s afraid to let it get 'out of c o n t r o l ' . H e thought that d e m o c r a c y h a d to b e b a l a n c e d b y s t r o n g l e a d e r s h i p . H e s u p p r e s s e d people's g r i e v a n c e s against those e l e m e n t s of the p a r t y a n d t h e state that w e r e t h e real e n e m i e s of t h e p e o p l e , b e c a u s e of t h e s u p p o s e d n e e d for ' u n i t y ' .

T h e r e is n o reason to b e l i e v e that w o r k e r s ' a n d peasants' self-organisation c o u l d n o t h a v e d i s p e n s e d w i t h t h e state altogether, a n d p r e v e n t e d t h e t r a n s f o r m a t i o n into c a p i t a l i s m that has b e e n b r u t a l l y forced o n t h e C h i n e s e p e o p l e since M a o ' s death.

By giving some people p o w e r over others, t h e state creates t h e o p p o r t u n i t y for p e r s o n a l c o r r u p t i o n . T h e state, l o w w a g e s a n d h i g h prices a r e necessary to create t h e profits that c a p i t a l i s m (the e x p l o i t a t i o n of p e o p l e b y a parasitic r u l i n g elite) d e m a n d s . But c a p i t a l i s m is not n e c e s s a r y .

Yours Jason

What's O n A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE T O EVENTS IN A N D A R O U N D IMPERIAL C O L L E G E

FRIDAY Hang Gliding 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out about weekend training. Weekly meeting.

12.30pm Yacht Club Meeting Huxley 413.

Consoc Meeting 12.30pm Mech Eng 703.

Rag Meeting 12.40pm Union Lounge.

Friday Prayers 1.00pm Southside Gym. See Islamic Society.

Kung Fu 4.30pm Union Gym. C.U. Prayer Meeting 5.00pm 413 Maths.

Christian Union Meeting 6.00pm 308 Computing.

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

6.40pm Fencing Club Training Club training.

16

sincerely, Pike.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan 7.30pm Southside G y m .

7.30pm Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and join in.

Southside Disco ÂŁ.30pm Southside Bar.

Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Wu Shu Kwan in the Union G y m .

6.00pm Catholic Mass 53 Cromwell Road, followed by supper.

Boat Club 9.00pm Putney Boathouse.

SATURDAY

MONDAY

Boat Club Putney Boathouse Kung Fu Club Wu Shu Kwan in Southside G y m .

SCAB Night Union Concert Hall.

9.00pm 4.30pm S.OOpm

SUNDAY Sunday Service 10.00am Anteroom Sherfield Building. See West London Chaplaincy.

Catholic Chaplaincy Mass 11.00am 53 Cromwell Road.

Wargames 1.00pm U D H . A l l welcome.

3.00pm Yoga Southside Gym.

RockSoc Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge. A l l abnormalities welcome.

Basketball Club 5.30pm Volleyball Court. Men's Team.

5.30pm Keep Fit Southside G y m .

Rock 'n' Roll Lessons 6.00pm JCR. Intermediate.

Swimming 6.30pm Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

7.00pm Rock n Roll JCR. Beginners Water Polo 7.30pm Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports.

Wear 5iA

LETTERS

Baas

Baas

Dear Chris, In Ireland, t h e belief is still w i d e l y h e l d that t h e most f u n d a m e n t a l h u m a n right is the right to life, w h e t h e r t h e h u m a n i n question be b o r n or unborn, unlike in m a i n l a n d B r i t a i n w h e r e t h e monetarist p h i l o s o p h y is so d e e p l y e n t r e n c h e d that a n u n p l a n n e d c h i l d is seen as n o t h i n g m o r e t h a n a n i m p e d i m e n t to one's c a r e e r or q u a l i t y of life a n d for w h i c h there is a

Get your DOG'S BOLLOCKS and your SPUNKY PARTS at IC Bookstore NOW!!

Many other comic annuals available too!!

Ideal Christmas presents for Grandma!

c o n v e n i e n t a n d final s o l u t i o n freely available.

If t h e s i t u a t i o n i n I r e l a n d is o p p r e s s i v e n o w , it w o n ' t b e for m u c h l o n g e r . T h e e l e c t i on of M a r y R o b i n s o n as President w i l l m e a n b i g i m p r o v e m e n t s i n Irish W o m e n ' s rights i n the n e x t few years. If a n y c a m p a i g n i n g is r e q u i r e d , it must b e to help r e m o v e the n e e d for a b o r t i o n , b y i m p r o v e d f a m i l y p l a n n i n g services a n d better w e l f a r e p r o v i s i o n for t h e family.

A b o r t i o n is a n easy w a y of m a s k i n g i n a d e q u a c i e s i n these areas, h e n c e t h e support g i v e n to this o p t i o n b y successive g o v e r n m e n t s a n d the e v e r c o m p l i a n t m e d i a , w h i c h has s u c c e e d e d i n d i c t a t i n g p u b l i c o p i n i o n i n t o a c c e p t a n c e of this m e t h o d of b r u s h i n g these p r o b l e m s u n d e r the carpet. W o m e n ' s rights must b e i m p r o v e d , b u t this c a n b e a c h i e v e d w i t h o u t a b a n d o n i n g t h e most f u n d a m e n t a l h u m a n right.

I would urge anyone intending to support t h e Irish students to first s e r i o u s l y c o n s i d e r their m o t i v e s for d o i n g so, a n d a b o v e all I h o p e that IC U n i o n r e m a i n s d e t a c h e d f r o m b o t h sides of t h e debate.

T h i s s h o u l d b e a m a t t e r for i n d i v i d u a l s t o deci de their o w n p o s i t i o n , if IC U n i o n adopts a stance it w i l l be g u i l t y of t h e excesses that disaffiliation f r o m t h e N U S w a s to a v o i d .

Yours, Rob Crompton, President, ICU

Elec Eng 2.

Pro-Life.

Dear Sir, First, m y replies. C o m m u n i c a t i o n i n w r i t i n g assumes t h e c o r r e c t use of v o c a b u l a r y , S a l e e m C h o u d h e r y . If I w e r e to say that b a n a n a s a r e b l u e , it m i g h t b e due to a careless v o c a b u l a r y , o r it m i g h t be because I honestly b e l i e v e d it to b e true. M r A m i n E l - C h o l y stated that t h e i d e a of p u n i s h i n g Iraq (I a s s u m e this is the p o l i t i c a l statement he refers to) w o u l d offend t h e hostages a n d K u w a i t i s . A s a B r i t o n , I s y m p a t h i s e w i t h t h e hostages held i n K u w a i t a n d their relatives. But I can honestly say that if I o r m y family w e r e h e l d hostage, 1 w o u l d n o t give into s u c h t e r r o r i s m because it grants a l i c e n c e to a n y o n e t o t r y it. S u r e l y it's o b v i o u s that o n e c a n n o t g i v e i n to t e r r o r i s m ? N o w let's t u r n to those other hostages; t h e K u w a i t i s . W e h e a r o n t h e n e w s of t h e d a i l y k i l l i n g of K u w a i t i s w h i c h has b e e n g o i n g o n n o w for almost t h r e e m o n t h s .

A t a rate of o n e p e r da y, that's 84 d e a d , a n d I bet o n e p e r d a y is s u b l i m e l y o p t i m i s t i c . A s l o n g as t h e rest of t h e w o r l d a l l o w s Iraq to stay i n K u w a i t , K u w a i t i s w i l l die. Lots of t h e m . W h a t A m i n El-Choly and Saleem Choudhery are p e r h a p s suggesting, is that w e s h o u l d a l l o w t h e K u w a i t i s to d i e i n o r d e r to free the B r i t o n s . P e r h a p s y o u a r e w h i t e racists yourselves.

A s to t h e t r i v i a l discussion of ' A t h e n a ' as a p s e u d o n y m ( A m i n E l - C h o l y , issue 882). A t h e n a w a s t h e d a u g h t e r of Zeus continued

Latin American JCR. Beginners/Improvers

8.00pm

TUESDAY C . U . Prayer Meeting 8.30pm Chaplain's Office Riding Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge.

Radio Modellers 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass 12.30pm Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch.

Sailing Club 12.30pm Southside Lounge.

12.45pm Enviro Soc Lecture Mech Eng 213.

ICSF Meeting 12.45pm Library Dr W h o Video. Android Invasion 1&2.

Radio Modellers 5.30pm Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit 5.30pm Southside G y m .

Amenesty International 5.30pm Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting.

Canoe Club 6.00pm IC Pool or Southside Upper Lounge at 8.30-ish.

Wine Tasting Soc 6.00pm Union Lounge. Weekly meeting.

Social Ballroom 6.00pm JCR. Beginners.

Huxley Society Meeting 6.30pm JCR. ÂŁ2.00. Visit the National Poets Society.

Judo 6.30pm Union Gym. Latin American 7.00pm JCR. Bronze Medal Class.

8.00pm Yoga Southside Gym.

Kung Fu Union Gym. Rowing Club Putney Boathouse.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside G y m .

Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Women's Team Kung Fu Club Union Gym. Wu Shu Kwan.

WEDNESDAY

Fencing Training 11.30am Intermediate & advanced coaching.

Balloon Club Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge.

YHA Meeting 12.30pm Southside Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Lunch 12.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

Fencing Training 12.30pm Beginners Training.

Third World First 12.45pm Southside Corner Lounge. Everyone welcome.

Keep Fit 12.30pm Southside G y m .

1.00pm Cycling Training Meet at Beit A r c h .

Wargames 1,00pm U D H . A l l welcome.

Huxley Society 1.15pm Clubs Committee Rom, 2nd Floor, Beit. Cheese & Wine.

Micro Club Meeting 1.15pm Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every week.

1.30pm 2.00pm 7.00pm 7.30pm 7.30pm

THURSDAY

17

Wear Sir

LETTERS

skap

Baba

a n d A r t e m i s (the G o d d e s s of P r u d e n c e ) a n d was first t h e G o d d e s s of W a r a n d P r o w e s s i n C o m b a t . M y first letter calls for w a r . A t h e n a also p r o t e c t e d A t h e n s (shock) from i n v a s i o n , just as t h e U N should have protected Kuwait, and b y a c t i o n n o w , e n s u r e t h e p r o t e c t i o n of o t h e r states. A t h e n a a r m e d a n d t r a i n e d m a n y heroes, i n c l u d i n g J a s o n , Perseus a n d H e r a c l e s ; m i n o r i t i e s against o v e r w h e l m i n g aggressors. L a t e r A t h e n a b e c o m e s t h e G o d d e s s of W i s d o m ( she is, i n Italian a n d R o m a n m y t h o l o g y k n o w n as M i n e r v a , e m b o d i m e n t of W i s d o m a n d Power), and indeed I a m n o w having to explain myself and m y reasoning. I think, Sir, that A t h e n a is quite a n apt n a m e .

Yours Athena

Dear Chris, D o y o u l i k e o u r a m a z i n g l y large g l o w i n g R a g W e e k posters? S o m e p e o p l e o b v i o u s l y d o . T h e s e cost a r o u n d £ 1 . 4 0 e a c h a n d a r e the sole p u b l i c i t y source for the w h o l e of R a g W e e k . S o , w h i c h e v e r m i n d l e s s idiots a r e stealing t h e m , t h e y are stealing £ 1 . 4 0 f r o m c h a r i t y a n d c u t t i n g t h e a m o u n t of p u b l i c i t y a v a i l a b l e .

T h e r e a r e o n l y three reasons to steal the posters: Firstly, the h u m p i n g elephants are nice.

H o w e v e r t h e y a r e a v a i l a b l e o n beer glasses, o r a trip d o w n to L o n d o n Z o o c o u l d c u r e t h e elephant fetish. S e c o n d l y , c e r t a i n p e o p l e a r e t o o short sighted to

BEAN'S CLUB RUN 6.30 for 7.00pm at Holbein House Monday 19th Nov

m a k e d o w i t h t h e t i m e t a b l e i n last w e e k ' s F E L I X a n d r e q u i r e a n A l v e r s i o n (very p o c k e t sized!). F i n a l l y , s o m e o n e has a b r o k e n study l a m p , so a g l o w i n g poster m a k e s a n i n e x p e n s i v e substitute.

So, if p e o p l e w a n t to steal posters, then wa it u n t i l N o v e m b e r 26, o r p a y £ 1 . 5 0 to R a g . A l s o if y o u see a n y b o d y w i t h bulging pockets and a strange glow, a rather s t r a n g e sun-tan o r v e r y b l o o d s h o t eyes, report t h e m to R a g for the b r a n d n e w totally free ' B l u d g e o n - w i t h-a-rag-can-o-gram'.

Cheers, Steve, (Happy) IC Rag Chairman.

Babacoote Dear Mr Nice Editor, S o m e of m y c h u m m y first y e a r p h y s i c s friends a n d I w e r e p e r u s i n g y o u r c h a r m i n g p u b l i c a t i o n , o n l y to b e baffled by a perturbing bewilderment. The aforesaid e n i g m a , n a m e l y t h e abstract use of t h e initial letter of t h e R o m a n

alphabet, s e e m s far a b o v e our p l a n e of q u a n t u m analysis. W e w o u l d be suitably gratified if y o u w o u l d b e s o k i n d as to i n f o r m us of the objective b e h i n d this quandary.

A.Lemur Madagascar.

L e t t e r s t o t h e E d i t o r a r e i n c l u d e d w h e n e v e r p o s s i b l e . T h e o n l y r e a s o n s for n o t p u b l i s h i n g letters a r e l a c k of s p a c e , e x t r e m e o b s c e n i t y o r l i k e l i h o o d of a s e r i o u s l a w suit. T h e y a r e n o t c u t o r e d i t e d u n l e s s p r i o r c o n s u l t a t i o n has b e e n g a i n e d . P l e a s e n o t e t h e a b o v e , M r B a i l e y .

P.S. A t h e n a y o u r a r t i c le w i l l b e u s e d n e x t w e e k h o p e f u l l y , also see M a n a g e r ' s bit.

ICSF Meeting....

12.45pm Library. Dr W h o Video.

Fencing Training 1.30pm General.

Gliding Club Meeting 1.00pm Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l newcomers welcome.

5.30pm Keep Fit Southside Gym Midweek Service 5.30pm Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

6.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Intermediate.

6.30pm Judo Union Gym. 7.00pm Huxley Society Meeting Conway Hall, Red Lion Square, Holborn. Talk and discussion.

7.00pm Social Ballroom JCR. Beginners.

Latin American 8.00pm JCR. Gold medal class.

Southside Disco 8.30pm Southside Bar. ICCAG Soup Run 9.15pm Meet Weeks Hall Basement to take food to

18

London's homeless.

ANNOUNCMENTS • BANDS BANDS B A N D S - A n y band wishing to play Linstead Hall on December 8th.

Contact Paul Sweeney via Linstead pigeonholes. Terms negotiable.

• C E N T R A L Libraries Booksale in Lyon Playfair Foyer, Wednesday 14 November, 9.30 onwards. Books 20p/50p. After 1pm any 5 for SI. • F O O T B A L L CHALLENGE...Chem Eng Dept challenge any other department to a game of football. Contact Dave Millard, Chem Eng 3.

• COME & SEE Ken Warren M P talk live on Thursday 15 Nov at 1pm. Mech Eng 213.

FOR SALE • ONE C O M P L E T E L Y and utterly new Yonex Aerotus 80 Badminton Raquet for sale. £60 without strings £ 6 5 with strings. Contact Jin Yee Lim, Chem Eng 2. 071-386 7179.

• MG M A E S T R O 1.6, 1983, 5 speed. One owner, stereo, sunroof. £1,300 phone Karen Woodhouse on ext 6919.

• FRIDGE: 20 x 19 x 48 inches. £40 ono.

Contact Monica Sexton, 354 Sherfield ext 3044.

LOST • B L A C K Parker 58J Fountain Pen. Last seen Comment Day. Sentimental value. Phone Daren on 6988 internal.

PERSONAL • W E E K S H A L L / I C Firsts 7 (seven)-O. • W A N T E D anyone with £2.50 and a wish to re-experience the fun parts of childhood. Come to SCABnite, 8pm Saturday in Union Concert Hall.

• FEELING tired, listless, don't know what to spend your last £2.50 on then come to SCABnite for 3'/2 hours on Saturday 17th November.

• W A N T E D : Good homes for Russian Hamsters as pets only. If you're interested, please contact Zoe Hellinger, DoC 3 or via SCAB pigeonholes.

• IT'S N O T a h a m s t e r M a n u e l , it's a R A T .

It's not a rat M r F a w l t y , it's a rare Siberian Hamster.

• H O S T S w a n t e d for Guilds C o c k t a i l P a r t y . Sign u p i n C & G U Office.

Manager's Bit I Win F o l l o w i n g the c h a l l e n g e b y o u r g l o r i o u s P r e s i d e n t I h a v e i n d e e d f o u n d out the t r u t h a n d substance of his actions at the U K C O S A C o n f e r e n c e ( F E L I X 882). M y spies h a v e b e e n h a r d at w o r k a n d donemy research.

A p p r o p r i a t e l y p l a c e d o n the U n i o n page overleaf, I h a v e w r i t t e n a n i n f o r m a l a p p r a i s a l of his deeds. A l t h o u g h not a g l o a t i n g e x p o s e e of sex a n d d r u g orgies 1 d o feel that it acts as a v e r y nice c h a r a c t e r profile.

T h e r e is o n e bit that 1 m i s s e d out due to late a r r i v a l of i n f o r m a t i o n , so 1 s h a l l a d d it here. A t the e n d of the s t o r y 1 finish w i t h S h a n ' s slip of l e a v i n g b e h i n d his U G M r e p o r t etc i n L e e d s . O n W e d n e s d a y n i g h t he w o r k e d l o n g a n d h a r d to r e p r o d u c e w h a t h e h a d p r e v i o u s l y p r e p a r e d , for the T h u r s d a y m e e t i n g . O n l y after the m e e t i n g h a d t a k e n p l a c e d i d p o o r o l d S h a n find the m i s s i n g report i n the b a c k p o c k e t of his jeans! I must just say that it w i l l n i c e to h a v e s o m e o n e v a c u u m i n g t h e office floors for o n c e , a y e S h a n .

M o r e Spies T a l k i n g of spies, the interest i n A t h e n a ' s true i d e n t i t y seems to be h o t t i n g up. T h i s is at least so i n the office as 1 h a v e b e e n c o n t i n u a l l y b o m b a r d e d w i t h questions a s k i n g w h o t h e y r e a l l y are. U n f o r t u n a t e l y for the c u r i o u s I a m not a b o u t to r e v e a l their i d e n t i t y .

H o w e v e r , this hasn't s t o p p e d those w i t h lust for k n o w l e d g e . T h e y h a v e a l r e a d y d e c i p h e r e d the fact that the w r i t e r o w n s o r o p e r a t e s a n A r c h i m e d e s c o m p u t e r , likes the font H o m e r t o n M e d i u m , a n d p r i n t e d out his draft c o p y o n W e d n e s d a y l u n c h t i m e . T h e text was t r a n s f e r r e d o n t o a 5.25" disc v i a a 1.2 M e g a b y t e m a c h i n e a n d p r o b a b l y p r i n t e d o n a post script p r i n t e r . H e is a d e d i c a t e d typist a n d a l t h o u g h A t h e n a has not w r i t t e n i n b y h a n d as yet he l a b e l e d his d i s c b y h a n d a n d the g r a p h o l o g i s t s are at w o r k . B y the

.GETS LMD f f l l X . NOW R NORMAL (0, I L00K1N& PEOPLE, HE ST

*

Ar i c '

w a y typo's a r e a b u n d a n t a n d his s p e l l i n g is w o r s e t h a n m i n e .

Photocopier Troubles A s ever we are plagued b y a cursed photocopier machine. A n engineer a r r i v e s , the c u r r e n t p r o b l e m disappears a n d as s o o n as he goes, a n e w , m o r e d e a d l y p r o b l e m arises.

T h e r e w i l l be a staff m e e t i n g t o d a y at 1 o ' c l o c k i n the office to discuss the issues so far a n d t h e near future, i.e. C h r i s t m a s etc. F o r a n y of y o u w h o c a n n o t m a k e it o n F r i d a y I'll be h o l d i n g a n o t h e r o n e o n the s a m e lines o n M o n d a y 19th. See y o u all t h e r e this t i m e !

A d d to this t h e hassle of the r e n t a l c o m p a n y g o i n g bust a n d y o u h a v e a w o n d e r f u l l y t a n g l e d mess. It's m o r e l i k e a r a m b l e t h r o u g h the jungle t h a n a n i c e d a y i n the office dear. It w o u l d be n i c e to t h i n k that the beast w i l l b e up a n d r u n n i n g later t o d a y , but w h o k n o w s .

Disturbing

Credits: P r i n t e r a n d Typsetter: A n d y a n d R o s e News E d i t o r : T o b y Jones Reviews E d i t o r : A d a m T Music Editor: Sarah H a r l a n d Features E d i t o r : R o l a n d Science E d i t o r : Ian H o d g e Cartoonist: A n d y B u t c h e r Photo E d i t o r : R i c h a r d P h o t o g r a p h s by: J a m e s G r i n t e r , R o l a n d , L u k e Leighton and one other.

T h e Team: Jeremy, A d a m H , Chris Riley, Michael N e w m a n , L i z W a r r e n , James, D r J o h n B r a d y , a n d the letter B . .

T h e Collators: T h e L i n s t e a d Residents' T e a m , FBI Soc a n d the rest.

W e r e c e i v e d a letter at the office a c o u p l e of d a y s ago c o n c e r n i n g the 24 h o u r c o l l e c t i o n for M e n c a p . T h i s e v e n t h a p p e n e d a c o u p l e of w e e k s ago a n d featured s o m e of the m o r e e x p e r i e n c e d r a g t e a m s f r o m a r o u n d the c o u n t r y .

Cardiff R a g , w h o w r o t e the letter, i n p a r t i c u l a r h a d a n i m p r e s s i v e t u r n out a n d c o l l e c t e d for the w h o l e of the 24 h o u r p e r i o d i n m a n y successful places.

T h e letter d e sc r i b es v a r i o u s p r o b l e m s that o c c u r e d w h i l e w o r k i n g w i t h the I C U R a g t e a m w h o hosted the event. A t this p o i n t i n t i m e w e h a v e not yet h a d t i m e to p r o p e r l y a n a l y s e the facts f r o m a l l sides a n d w i t h o u t this a n y s p e c u l a t i o n is pointless. H o w e v e r , if stories of m i s s i n g c o l l e c t i n g cans are v a l i d t h e n s o m e b o d y , s o m e w h e r e has got to start w o r r y i n g .

E v e n if the m i s s i n g m o n e y s i m p l y turns up o n a n o t h e r student u n i o n ' s c h a r i t y total it still a l l o w s s u s p i c i o n a n d doubt to rear its u g l y head. Not a s i t u a t i on that reflects a w h i t e r t h a n w h i t e i m a g e .

Deadlines

PS T h e b i k e s h o p w h i c h is a d v e r t i s e d is r u n b y a great c h a p who has r e c e n t l y restarted the business. A few y e a r s b a c k he u s e d to operate just off the F u l h a m R o a d n e a r to E v e l y n G a r d e n s . D u e to s k y h i g h rents he was f o r c e d out of his p r e m i s e s but has n o w star ted anew.

U n l e s s y o u lot out t h e r e k e e p to the d e a d l i n e s y o u w o n ' t get a n y t h i n g i n F e l i x .

R e m e m b e r - Clubs.Sports a n d Feature articles: M o n d a y L u n c h - Letters, S m a l l Ads and What's O n : Tuesday Lunch N e w s ( i n c l u d i n g sports results): Thursday...sometime!

Staff M e e t i n g

Felix is produced for and on behalf of Imperial College Union Publications Board and is printed by the Imperial College Union Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, London SW7 2BB (TEL 071-225 8672). Manager: Chris Stapleton, Business Manager: Jeremy Burnell. Copyright Felix 1990.

ISSN 1040-0711.

" W E , THE P U B L I S H E R S OF" THIS CARTOON STRIP WOULD LIKE TO APOLOGISE FOR THIS I N T E R U P T I -ON I N THIS. W E E K S 5T0RY: THE" STRIP HAS BE^N W I T H D R AWN DUE" TO ITS WILD A N P IMMORAL LACK OF REALISM. ENTITLEV "FELIX &ETS LAID ATIC!'

A Ur lEAR PHYSICIST, W E FEEL THAT T H I S STORY PRESENTS SUCH A RIPICULOOS LEVEL Of IMPROBABILITY THAT IT WAS UNACCEPTABLE. T H E " A U T H O R , WHO INSISTS ON THE POBI0U3

IT PORTRAYEP A 5UCESSF0L

X KIIL1N6J Hi&H TIME" TSlNGr. fO SOOTHSJDE KlY LOCATES A WOMAN, AND gE&INS ©

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ATTEMPT BY THE AFOREMENTIONED CAT AT CHATTING- UP A WOMAN IN SOUTHSIDE BAR. WHILE WE HAVE HAD NO COMPLAINTS WITH THE PREVIOUS LEVELS, OF REALISM PORfRAYFP f N T H l S STRIP, A N P W E REALISE THAT THE CAT IN QUESTION NO LONfrER RESEMBLES FI£NJ>

F o r IC students he is o f f e r i n g a 2 0 % discount o n r e p a i r s a n d a c c e s s o r i e s a n d f o r now a 5 % d i s c o u n t o n new b i k e s . H e h o p e s to up this to 1 0 % if b u s i n e s s goes well. So treat h i m nicely!

P S E U D O N Y M OF " A L I E N S E X FIEND* BUT I S I N PACT FAR LESS S A N F T H A N T H I S I N C H E S , HAS B E E N C A U T I O N E D , A N D W E E X P E C T TO S E E A MUCH LESS P R E P O S T E R O U S STORY N E X T W E E K .

THANK YOU..

THf

PUBLISHERS.

Bift!

Last w e e k o v e r three days s a w the p r o c e e d i n g s of t h e U n i t e d K i n g d o m C o n f e r e n c e o n O v e r s e a s Students A s s o c i a t i o n . P a u l S h a n l e y , y o u r president, a t t e n d e d as the r e p r e s e n t a t i v e of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n a n d w e g i v e a brief r u n d o w n o n his actions. T h i s report b e i n g i n response to his c h a l l e n g e last w e e k for m e to find o u t as m u c h as possible through m y spy network.

W e start w i t h the t r a i n j o u r n e y to L e e d s o n M o n d a y . H e r e P a u l m a n a g e d to find a Turrettes S y n d r o m e c a se to sit opposite. H i s v o c a l e m a n a t i o n s w e r e not as b a d as s o m e . Instead of u t t e r i n g obscenities i n abstract m a n n e r he w o u l d i n s t e a d w h e l p , g r o w l a n d b a r k . So put off b y this o u t r a g e o u s display, P a u l h a d to m a k e a m o v e a n d d e c i d e d to m a s k the a c t i o n b y p r e t e n d i n g to l e a v e the t rain at the n e x t station. N o w s e a t e d i n the o t h e r c a r r i a g e he c o u l d still h e a r his p r e v i o u s seat-mates calls a n d w a i t e d i n a n t i c i p a t i o n for t h e ticket collector...

F o r the rest of the j o u r n e y P a u l w o r k e d u p o n his U G M report a n d t h e i n d u c t i o n notes for the n e w U n i o n M a n a g e r , M a n d y Hurford.

A r r i v i n g at L e e d s he settled i n at the h o t e l but didn't m e e t his r o o m mate.

B e i n g a g o o d b o y he a t t e n d e d a l l his s e m i n a r s before g o i n g out i n the e v e n i n g to get pissed. T h i s he d i d w i t h o u t a n y

p r o b l e m , as y o u m i g h t i m a g i n e .

His e n j o y m e n t of the e v e n i n g d r i n k w a s o b v i o u s l y far t o o m u c h for h i m to take a n d he s o o n h a d to retire to b e d . A t this point he still h a d not m e t h i s r o o m mate.

M a r k C r a w l e y c o n c l u d e s from his o b s e r v a t i o n s that M r S h a n l e y has n o s t a m i n a . U p o n e a c h night w h e n r e t u r n i n g to their r o o m h e found h i m a l r e a d y fast asleep. A n d , w h e n M a r k a w o k e a n d got up S h a n w a s still v i r t u a l l y asleep. H i s m u m b l i n g s u n i n t e l l i g i b l e a n d his eyes l o o k i n g k n a c k e r e d . A t this point he still h a d not m a n a g e d to i n t r o d u c e himself to his r o o m - m a t e .

Part w a y t h r o u g h t h e s e c o n d d a y M a r k approached M r Shanley and enquired w h e t h e r he h a d b e e n d i s t u r b e d w h e n he got i n last n i g h t o r e a r l i e r o n this morning. Shan looked perplexed. W h o w a s this p e r s o n . S u d d e n l y , at last, it a l l b e c a m e a p p a r e n t . T h i s w a s his r o o m - m a t e that he h a d t r i e d to c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h earlier. U n f o r t u n a t e l y y o u see, S h a n w e a r s c o n t a c t lenses a n d w i t h o u t t h e m is bat-like, as it w e r e . F i n a l l y M a r k p o i n t e d out to m e that 'he's got a hell of a snore.'.

O n the s e c o n d d a y the business c a m e a n d w e n t m u c h as it h a d t h e d a y before.

T h e e v e n i n g itself started i n pre t ty m u c h the s a m e w a y u n t i l the p o o l games began. This apparently innocuous game

h a d the effect of s p e e d i n g the a l c o h o l t h r o u g h his s y s t e m . D u r i n g o n e phase he l i n e d up a shot w h i c h t o o k h i m about t e n minutes. A f t e r this intense bout of c o n c e n t r a t i o n he stood u p , as best he c o u l d , a n d a s k e d the q u e s t i o n ' A m 1 spots or stripes'. F r o m n o w o n o u r v e r y o w n p o o l hall hustler w o u l d be k n o w n as 'Stripes'.

T h e e v e n i n g w o r e o n a n d the s t o m a c h s w o r e out. M i d n i g h t c a m e a r o u n d a n d the m u n c h i e s p a i d a visit. It w a s a g r e e d that s o m e t i m e s o o n a c u r r y w o u l d h a v e to be sought. L a t e r , not w i s h i n g to strain himself b y v e n t u r i n g outside, S h a n h a d a ' b i z a r r e i d e a ' . F r i d g e s w e r e to be r a i d e d , as i n the t r a d i t i o n of E v e l y n G a r d e n s a n d , 1 suppose, a l l other c o l l e g e residences. H e w a n d e r e d off a n d didn't r e t u r n , despite the fact that the others c o n t i n u e d w i t h their g a m e u n t i l 3 o ' c l o c k . T h e next m o r n i n g he h a d n o better e x p l a n a t i o n t h a n just h a v i n g a w a l k to freshen u p . H i s c ol l e a gues b e l i e v e that a w a l k to the toilet w a s m o r e i n o r d e r c o n s i d e r i n g his pale face.

C h r i s H a y e s , o n e of his s o c i a l colleagues, s a i d that he w a s 'not a great socialiser' a n d that he w a s ' a bit of let d o w n ' for t h e I C U side. H e a d d e d that he h a d b e e n p r o m i s e d a c o p y o f a c o u p l e of v i d e o s Rainbow a n d Playschool but h a d not h e a r d f r o m h i m .

F i n a l l y , after his h a r d w o r k o n the t r a i n , he m a n a g e d to leave his U G M report a n d M a n d y ' s i n d u c t i o n notes i n Leeds, p r o b a b l y due to his e x c e s s i v e d r i n k i n g . 1 w o u l d also just like to t h a n k M r S h a n l e y i n a d v a n c e for c l e a n i n g the floors of m y offices, as a g r e e d as his forfeit.

C h r i s Stapleton

IMPERIAL COLLEGE UNION

^Cke fractals Jlovc ^>eace Si Sma.U ^tue jr-towcis

Live at the RCS Smoking Concert

Date Time Place

22 November 1990 Approximately 10 pm Union Concert Hall

SPECIAL TRIAL

EVENING OPENING 5.30-9.00pm of the CATERPILLAR CAFE (Beit Quad) ROLLS-HOT MEALS-JACKET POTATO B U R G E R S - H O T DOGS Line your stomach—soak up the alcohol and enjoy Rag Week

Be there, or be elsewhere.