http://www.felixonline.co.uk/archive/IC_1991/1991_0892_A by Ravi Pall

- Spitting Image opens to the public p8,9

ani

€«ipiflow:

- The economics of war p7

News: Cuts, rip-offs and computers p2 : ACCESS FUNDS • LAST CHANCE TODAY! p3

Computer Company Crashes A n a u t h o r i s e d A p p l e M a c dealer, CSS, c a l l e d in the r e c e i v e r s last F r i d a y , l e a v i n g a m o n g its c r e d i t o r s s o m e I m p e r i a l students w i t h no m e a n s of legal redress. S u c h students h a d p a i d c a s h up front to the A p p l e C e n t r e , K n i g h t s b r i d g e , a CSS outlet, a n d h a v e not r e c e i v e d the hardware ordered.

A p p l e U K has not b e e n specific about the role it m i g h t p l a y if c r e d i t o r s w e r e not fully r e c o m p e n s e d . A p p l e U K has m a d e it clear that it a c k n o w l e d g e s the distress c a u s e d to p r o s p e c t i v e A p p l e M a c c u s t o m e r s b y the CSS r e c e i v e r s h i p . A p p l e U K sees today's student c u s t o m e r as tomorrow's corporate buyer.

The receivers, L e v e y Gee and Partners, are l i a s i n g w i t h A p p l e r e g i o n a l sales. H o w e v e r A p p l e U K states that it has no legal r e s p o n s i b i l i t y but that it is m o n i t o r i n g the situation c a r e f u l l y. So w i l l the I m p e r i a l Students get either their m o n e y b a c k or the h a r d w a r e t h e y o r d e r e d ? T h e first p r i o r i t y of r e c e i v e r s is to p a y the w a g e s of the staff of the c o m p a n y i n v o l v e d . F u n d s are usually raised b y an asset sale, i n c l u d i n g stock. T h e i r n e x t p r i o r i t y is to p a y o u t s t a n d i n g debts, eg rates, t h e n c r e d i t o r s , t h e n s h a r e h o l d e r s . C r e d i t o r s , i n this case students at I m p e r i a l , m a y r e c e i v e as little as 2 5 % of their m o n e y if t h e r e c e i v e r s h i p follows its n o r m a l course.

Students are s t r o n g l y a d v i s e d not to p a y b y cash or c h e q u e for a n y large i t e m in a d v a n c e . If y o u do h a v e to pay up front then use a credit c a r d . If the c o m p a n y in q u e s t i o n goes bust, the credit c a r d c o m p a n y w i l l r e f u n d the lost m o n e y . W h y d i d the students p a y up front? T h e a n s w e r is s i m p l e . A c c o r d i n g to one student, the staff at the K n i g h t s b r i d g e A p p l e C e n t r e refused to o r d e r h a r d w a r e unless it was p a i d for fully in a d v a n c e . A c c o r d i n g to a n o t h e r a u t h o r i s e d A p p l e dealer this is n o t n o r m a l p r a c t i c e . F i v e to ten percent of the total cost m a y be a s k e d of the c u s t o m e r as a sign of g o o d faith, a n d the h a r d w a r e m u s t be fully p a i d for o n d e l i v e r y .

So w h y w e r e CSS f o l l o w i n g a c a s h i n a d v a n c e p o l i c y ? CSS h a d a serious c a s h flow p r o b l e m . T h e c o m p a n y has l o n g b e e n u n d e r c u t t i n g its c o m p e t i t o r s i n the A p p l e M a c m a r k e t . In t i m e s of recession profit m a r g i n s n a r r o w a n d c o m p a n i e s s u c h as CSS feel the s q u e e z e . S i n c e other A p p l e M a c dealers h a v e stated that t h e y w e r e a w a r e of CSS's possible f i n a n c i a l p r o b l e m s , it c a n be s u r m i s e d that A p p l e U K was not totally in the dark. Indeed, one of CSS's creditors is, of course, A p p l e U K . T h e r e c e i v e r s are c o m p i l i n g a list of a l l creditors a n d m o n i e s o w e d a n d this list w i l l be passed to A p p l e U K . If y o u o r d e r e d h a r d w a r e t h r o u g h CSS, p a r t e d w i t h m o n e y a n d h a v e not yet r e c e i v e d y o u r e q u i p m e n t , contact A n t h o n y Lester, C h e m E n g III. M r Lester is c o m p i l i n g a list that w i l l be passed to the CSS's official r e c e i v e r s . Students i n difficulty s h o u l d also a p p l y to the A c c e s s fund ( r o o m 344 Sherfield) today.

SERC Cuts Funding

Silwood Disco

The Science a n d Engineering Research C o u n c i l (SERC) h a v e b e e n f o r c e d to cut b a c k o n r e s e a r c h s p e n d i n g , it w a s a n o u n c e d o n W e d n e s d a y . O f c o n c e r n are plans to close t h e N u c l e a r S t r u c t u r e F a c i l i t y (NSF) at the D a r e s b u r y L a b o r a t o r y , to r e d u c e the n e u t r o n

D r u n k ' n ' j i v i n ' is the n a m e of the g a m e n e x t F r i d a y w h e n the S i l w o o d P a r k V a l e n t i n e s E v e n i n g m a k e s its a n n u a l a p p e a r a n c e . R e l a x i n the s p l e n d o u r of the c o n s e r v a t o r y or recline in the historic l o u n g e as the b a n d p l a y t h e i r up-tempo b r a n d of j a z z . E l e g a n t l y s w e e p across the dancefloor as y o u a n d y o u r p a r t n e r glide in perfect u n i s o n , the p i c t u r e of bliss. A l t e r n a t i v e l y , d r i n k ten c o c k t a i l s f r o m W a c ' s B a r , take off y o u r jacket a n d j u m p jive l i k e a l u n a t i c as that last D a q u i r i takes effect.

IC Student Invents The SNOWBOX

(World Patents Pending)

facilities at t h e R u t h e r f o r d A p p l e t o n L a b o r a t o r y a n d to p u l l out of the E u r o p e a n L a s e r facility. Other reductions in funding include 'sharp c u t b a c k s ' i n i n f o r m a t i o n t e c h n o l o g y , the p u l l i n g out of r e s e a r c h into g r a v i t y w a v e s a n d less s p e n d i n g o n engineering design. T h e rector, S i r E r i c A s h , s a i d that the shortfall of ÂŁ40 m i n S E R C ' s budget w o u l d h a v e 'some effect' o n the r e s e a r c h d e p a r t m e n t s at Imperial. H e w e n t o n to say that the C o l l e g e is 'one of the biggest c u s t o m e r s ' of S E R C , but a d d e d that he d i d not e x p e c t t h e effect to be drastic.

Expert List T h e C o l l e g e Press Officer, K a r e n Peploe, is c o m p i l i n g a list of ' e x p e r t s ' at Imperial. T h i s w i l l c o n t a i n the n a m e s of those a c c a d e m i c staff w h o are w i l l i n g to be i n t e r v i e w e d b y the m e d i a o n their specialist areas. O t h e r institutions h a v e m a d e s u c h lists a v a i l a b l e to the m e d i a , i n c l u d i n g the L o n d o n S c h o o i of E c o n o m i c s (LSE). T h i s e x p l a i n s the p r e p o n d e r a n c e of L S E staff interviewed o n television and radio. K a r e n askes that a n y m e m b e r of staff w h o has not r e t u r n e d the q u e s t i o n n a i r e do so i m m e d i a t e l y , as the list is due to be p u b l i s h e d m i d - F e b r u a r y . A n y m e m b e r of staff w h o has not r e c e i v e d a q u e s t i o n n a i r e s h o u l d contact the Press a n d P u b l i c R e l a t i o ns Office o n i n t e r n a l 8628 as s o o n as possible.

Either w a y , this promises to be a great p a r t y night, in the most p i c t u r e s q u e part of College. Get y o u r tickets f r o m the U n i o n Office; o n l y ÂŁ3 in a d v a n c e . C o a c h p r o v i d e d at 6.30pm f r o m outside the U n i o n , r e t u r n to L o n d o n a r o u n d m i d n i g h t .

Resignations T h e n e w l y v a c a t e d post of F e l i x M u s i c E d i t o r has b e e n filled b y J o h n F u r l o n g . T h e e x - M u s i c E d i t o r , S a r a h H a r l a n d , said that the c o m b i n e d pressures of college w o r k a n d the constant c h a s i n g up of r e v i e w s d u r i n g the w e e k figured i n her d e c i s i o n to r e s i g n . Better l u c k to J o h n ! T h i s w e e k w e also say g o o d b y e to T o b y Jones, stressed e x - N e w s E d i t o r , w h o ' s r e s i g n a t i o n letter c o n t a i n e d the f o l l o w i n g sentiments: 'Too t i r e d , too stressed, too far b e h i n d o n c o u r s e w o r k , N O T fed up w i t h d o i n g news.' T h e post has b e e n t e m p o r a r i l y filled b y A n n a Teeman.

Calling Impoverished Students T h e registry has o n l y r e c e i v e d 2 2 0 a p p l i c a t i o ns for t h e £259,400 a v a i l a b l e to students i n e c o n o m i c h a r d s h i p . T h e m o n e y , g i v e n to t h e C o l l e g e b y t h e G o v e r n m e n t , forms w h a t has b e c o m e k n o w n as t h e A c c e s s fund. M r Cullen, from the Registry, contacted Senior Tutors over two w e e k s ago, e x p r e s s i n g his c o n c e r n at t h e s u b d u e d flow of a p p l i c a t i o n s . A l t h o u g h t h e tutors w e r e a s k e d to further p u b l i c i s e t h e

e x i s t a n c e of t h e fund i n t h e i r d e p a r t m e n t s , n o flood m a t e r i a l i s e d . T h e g o o d n e w s for those w h o h a v e a p p l i e d this y e a r is that M r C u l l e n plans to distribute a l l of this year's fund. T h i s is also g o o d n e w s for future y e a r s as it prevents the Government cutting next year's l u m p s u m . M r C u l l e n has s a i d that t h e A c c e s s fund is his n u m b e r o n e p r i o r i t y . H e w i l l r e a d over all applications next week and will

start m a k i n g his g o l d e n h a n d s h a k e decisions s o o n . T h e a p p l i c a t i o n s a r e n o t , as r u m o u r h a d it, gojng to b e discussed by a committee. They are seen only b y M r C u l l e n w h o m a y consult w i t h college tutors, J u l i a H i g g i n s a n d D a v i d Goodgame. F o r those w h o a r e n o t t o t a l l y apathetic, a p p l i c a t i o n forms a r e still a v a i l a b l e f r o m r o o m 344 S h e r f i e l d. T h e n o m i n a l c l o s i n g date is T O D A Y .

IC Anti - War Society March Through London Despite t h e c o l d weather, a g r o u p of a r o u n d t w e n t y I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e students m a r c h e d t h r o u g h c e n t r a l L o n d o n last S a t u r d a y as part of the largest B r i t i s h anti-war d e m o n s t r a t i o n s i n c e t h e b e g i n n i n g of hostilities. T h e p r o c e s s i o n of o v e r 30,000 t o o k n e a r l y three hours to r e a c h H y d e P a r k f r o m t h e E m b a n k m e n t w h e r e they h e a r d speeches c a l l i n g for a n i m m e d i a t e ceasefire f r o m T o n y B e n n , B a r n i e G r a n t a n d others i n v o l v e d i n the anti-war movement. D u r i n g t h e c o u r s e of t h e m a r c h there w e r e m a n y shouts of ' w e l l d o n e Imperial', f r o m o n l o o k e r s a n d a steady s t r e a m of ex-IC students e n q u i r i n g a b o u t t h e activities of t h e p e a c e m o v e m e n t at t h e College. T h e s e i n c l u d e d P i e r s C o r b y n , a past U n i o n Presi dent (69-70), w h o h a d been involved i n anti-Vietnam W a r c a m p a i g n s at I.C. a n d is n o w a part-time w e a t h e r m a n a n d lecturer at S o u t h B a n k Polytechnic. Groups from a wide political spectrum w e r e present i n c l u d i n g those f r o m t h e G r e e n , L i b e r a l a n d L a b o u r Parties. T h e r e was also t h e brief a p p e a r a n c e of a ' V i c t o r y to Iraq' b a n n e r at t h e b a c k of t h e rally. O n the same day twelve people visited the C e n o t a p h i n support o f t h e w a r .

Union Finance Manager Appointed

: ,1

HAIRDRESSERS 15A H A R R I N G T O N R O A D , SOUTH KENSINGTON 071-823 8968

Mend-a-Bike

PETER

THOMAS

W e have a fantastic offer f o r all y o u students, a cut w a s h and b l o w d r y b y o u r top stylist ( w h i c h n o r m a l l y costs a r o u n d £21) F o r o n l y £11 M e n

£12 W o m e n

C h e c k us out ! L o u i s e V a n D e r Straeten has b e e n appointed U n i o n Finance Manager. Louise has a l r e a d y w o r k e d at I m p e r i a l for s e v e n t e e n m o n t h s as U n i o n A s s i s t a n t F i n a n c e Officer, c o m i n g f r o m a sabbatical post w i t h t h e V i c e President's D i v i s i o n at the U n i v e r s i t y of L o n d o n U n i o n (ULU). Her n e w appointment w a s not a u t o m a t i c ; L o u i s e w a s o n e of fourteen applicants o u t of w h i c h s i x w e r e i n t e r v i e w e d . T h e a p p o i n t m e n t w a s part of a g e n e r a l r e s t r u c t u r i n g of t h e U n i o n F i n a n c e section.

E S S D S

, 1

The Grifters I

T h e o p e n i n g shots of The Grifters is r a t h e r r e m i n i s c e n t of W o o d y A l l e n ' s Manhattan— b l a c k a n d w h i t e shots of a c i t y , c o m p l e m e n t e d b y a 'big' score. H o w e v e r this is not N e w Y o r k but L o s A n g e l e s , a n d the d i r e c t o r does not have t h e s a m e l o v e affair w i t h the m e t r o p o l i s as W o o d y A l l e n — n o t s u r p r i s i n g since he is the B r i t i s h d i r e c t o r S t e p h e n F r e a r s (with My Beautiful Laundrette and Dangerous Liaisons to his credit). Instead w h a t F r e a r s has p r o d u c e d is a m a r v e l l o u s t h r i l l e r w i t h rather risque s e x u a l undertones. T h e story r e v o l v e s a r o u n d R o y D i l l o n , his g i r l f r i e n d , M y r a , a n d his m o t h e r , L i l y , played excellently by John Cusack, Annette Bening and Anjelica Houston r e s p e c t i v e l y . R o y has spent his adult life 'gritting', a grifter b e i n g the same as a con-artists. H e is stricly a small-change m a n , a b u c k here, a b u c k t h e r e — n o one's g o i n g to w o r r y about a c o u p l e of dollars, so life goes o n for R o y . T h a t is, until his m o t h e r a p p e a r s after eight years w i t h o u t a n y contact w h a t s o e v e r . L i l y w o r k s the n u m b e r s for the m o b , p l a c i n g bets to

M y r a , m e a n w h i l e , is the s e x u a l l y c h a r g e d g i r l f r i e n d w h o m R o y finds i m p o s s i b l e to trust. She w i l l , in fact, do e x a c t l y w h a t she feels she c a n get a w a y w i t h — n o r m a l l y i n v o l v i n g the c h a r m s of her b o d y . M y r a a n d L i l y hate e a c h o t h e r — M y r a tells R o y that she mistrusts

Metropolitan

Flying Ashes

s h o r t e n the o d d s at r a c e t r a c k s . H o w e v e r , Lily commits a crime from w h i c h Bobo Justus (sic), h e r boss, w i l l m a k e her p a y dearly.

his m o t h e r . L i l y , o n the o t h e r h a n d , declares M y r a a slut. A n d Roy...what's he s u p p o s e d to m a k e of a l l this? W e l l , p o o r R o y doesn't k n o w w h o he w a n t s to fuck m o r e — h i s g i r l f r i e n d or his ' m a ' . E v e r y t h i n g c o m e s together i n this f i l m — t h e script is sharp, the a c t i n g g o o d , a n d the d i r e c t i o n slick. O h y e a h , there isn't, strictly s p e a k i n g , a plot, but y o u p r o b a b l y w o n ' t notice. I.H.

Y o u k n o w those o l d b l a c k a n d w h i t e films that t h e y s h o w o n B B C 2 . T h e ones w i t h the m a r v e l l o u s a c t i n g , the s i m p l e but i n t r i g u i n g plot lines a n d t h e c o m p l e t e a n d utter l a c k of e x t r a n e o u s a c t i o n . D o y o u like them? If so t h e n y o u w i l l p r o b a b l y a p p r e c i a t e the subtle h u m o u r of Metropolitan. Set o n the island of M a n h a t t a n , the f i lm c o n c e r n s the lives of some 'preppies' (UHP's) o v e r the C h r i s t m a s season of p r o m balls a n d after p r o m parties. H o w e v e r , a m o n g s t the p a r t y of U H P ' s is a n outsider. A m a n f r o m a l o w e r class b a c k g r o u n d t h a n the others. Metropolitan deals w i t h his i n t e g r a t i on w i t h the p r o m set w h i l e t r y i n g to stay t r u e to his conscience. So, w h o ' s in it? C e r t a i n l y n o b o d y that I've e v e r h e a r d of. This seems to be a g o o d t h i n g ; no-one is t r y i n g to upstage a n y b o d y else a n d the actors w o r k t r u l y as a t e a m . T h i s film is most definitely a 'Classic'. G o see it. Stef.

A question: is m e r e p e r f o r m a n c e e n o u g h to sustain a piece of theatre? E x c h a n g e P r o d u c t i o n s ' p e r f o r m e r s c e r t a i n l y k n o w their stuff, a n d the p e r f o r m a n c e was o n t h e edge of m o d e r n t h e a t r i c a l t e c h n i q u e , w i t h the right a m o u n t of e m o t i o n a l intensity for the subject matter. T h e p l a y is largely d e r i v e d f r o m letters w r i t t e n b y p o l i t i c a l prisoners in t h e USSR, a n d is p e r f o r m e d in a bitty, s y l i s e d m a n n e r , that w i l l p r o b a b l y not be to the taste of all, but t h e n , w h a t is? It p r i n c i p a l l y r e v o l v e s a r o u n d three a r c h e t y p i c a l characters, T a n y a , L a z e r i n a a n d Irina, r e l o c a t e d for i n d e t e r m i n a t e reasons a n d h a i l i n g f r o m w i l d l y differing b a c k g r o u n d s . T h e y interact w i t h e a c h other, a n d w i t h a c i p h e r of a male, w h o represents rapist, h u s b a n d a n d l o v er at once. Relations b e t w e e n the sexes s e e m

restricted to a p u r e l y s e x u a l level, w h e r e a s those b e t w e e n w o m e n are a l l o w e d m o r e r o o m , a l t h o u g h they do stray into the t e r r i t o r y of the homo-erotic at times. That's y o u r lot, really. T h e point the p l a y seems to be m a k i n g is either i m p e n e t r a b l y obscure, or d e p r e s s i n g l y simplistic. T o wit: it isn't a n y fun b e i n g a p o l i t i c a l p r i s o n e r . If this is all the play is s a y i n g , w e h a v e a c h r o n i c waste of talent, t h r o w n a w a y o n an i n a d e q u a t e play. O n the o t h e r h a n d , m a y b e i'm just too dense too see the point. Interesting... Flying Ashes is s h o w i n g at T h e ICA, the M a l l . C o n c e s s i o n a r y tickets cost S5.00, w i t h day m e m b e r s h i p costing S I . A l t e r n a t i v e l y , student m e m b e r s h i p c a n be bought for a y e a r at £9. T h e B o x Office is o n 071 930 3647. Pendragon

T h r e e M e n & A Little L a d y I H o o r a y ! W e ' r e b a c k ! T h e r e are I t h r e e things y o u n e e d to k n o w about this film : 1) It offers a n u n r i v a l l e d c h a n c e to hear the late (great) J i m H e n s o n at his best w i t h a superb r e n d i t i o n of the s e m i n a l classic ' R u b b e r D u c k i e ' . 2) T h e butler is m a d . 3) T o m Selleck is a n i c e r e x a m p l e of h u m a n i t y t h a n the entire A A put together (for our o l d e r readers, see F e l i c i t y K e n d a l l re: Little Mermaid) T h e cast i n c l u d e s three m e n a n d a little lady, a n d a b i g lady. A n d a n o t h e r b l o k e . A s w e l l as a v i c a r ( p h w o a r r !), a headmistress a n d a n i n c o m p r e h e n s i b l e (and p o s s i b l y incontinent) s h e p h e r d . So basically, t h e story goes : the little l a d y has g r o w n up f r o m a b a b y (in a rather s u p r i s i n g l y short time, ie about five m i n u t e s of ' e n d e a r i n g ' snapshots) but she still has three daddies (none of w h o m are e n g a g e d b e l o w the waist) b u t just the one m u / o m m y w h o is about to be. B u t (and this is a b i g but) not to a n y of the a f o r e m e n t i o n e d three m e n but to a n Intruder (even t h o u g h she secretly loves M a g n u m , PI. E v e n better, he loves her too) a n d n a t u r a l l y n o n e of t h e m are h a p p y about this, e s p e c i a l l y s i n c e it m e a n s a b o d a g e i n G o o d O l d B l i g h t y (if there isn't s u c h a w o r d as a b o d a g e there s h o u l d be). It t u r n s out that Intruder is Not A V e r y N i c e P e r s o n ; he vivisects live sheep, spits in elevators a n d E V E N W O R S E he's N O T V E R Y G O O D W I T H C H I L D R E N . N o w M a g n u m , as w e l l as his and pals T h e G u y F r o m Police Academy S a m f r o m Cheers, c a n tell this at s o m e

til

six t h o u s a n d miles distance a n d set off to right matters, n a t u r a l l y i n v o l v i n g m u c h hijinks a n d a p o p l e x y . E x c u s e us, there's a g o o d bit o n the telly. F o r our m o r e d e v o t e d fans (and w e k n o w there are m a n y , m a n y of you) there is n a r y a p o o d l e in sight. M a g n u m s o m e h o w resists s o l v i n g the m y s t e r y b y g r i n n i n g c h a r i s m a t i c a l l y a n d getting the c r a p beaten out of h i m a n d settles for a desperate if a b o r t i v e s n o g sesh w i t h headmistress. Suffice it to say that o n c e m o r e e v e r y t h i n g c o m e s out h a p p y b u n n i e s i n the e n d a n d r o u n d s off a v e r y nice m o v i e v e r y n i c e l y i n d e e d . O n the m i n u s side: T h e b i g l a d y has a n i n e m i l e w i d e grin a n d refuses to stop u s i n g it a n d

M i n i s get m o r e b a d c o v e r a g e i n this f i lm than in the e n t i r e b a c k c a t a l o g u e of Jacques Cousteau. T h i s f i lm is better t h a n it has a n y right to be, as w e l l as i n c l u d i n g a few w i l l y gags. Nice a c t i n g a n d s u p e r i o r d i r e c t i o n m a k e for an elegantly o b s e r v e d d r a m a of social m o r e s w i t h tension d r a w n i n e v e r y line (spesh the bit w h e r e S a m the b a r m a n enters i n D r a c b l o o d s u c k e r costume). W e l i k e d it better t h a n Look Who's Talking (and w e l i k e d that better t h a n p a r t h e n o g e n e t i c sex). But is it great ? A l a n F r e e m a n says 'Not arf, p o p - p i c k e r s !' The Amazing (And Original) Flying Gerbil Machine

Dances With Wolves based o n his n o v e l of the s a m e n a m e . T h e m i n u t a e of S i o u x life w e r e r e s e r a c h e d p a i n s t a k i n g l y for this film:their dress, c u s t o m s a n d e v e n t h e language , L a k o t a , w h i c h is s p o k e n i n the r e l e v a n t scenes in the f i lm a n d s u b t i t l e d i n E n g l i s h . A l l the R e d Indian c h a r a c t e r s i n the f i lm are p l a y e d b y N a t i v e A m e r i c a n s . H o w e v e r , in a l l this l a u d a b l e attention to detail there a r e a c o u p l e of a n o m a l o u s points: W h y is Stands w i t h a Fist the o n l y w o m a n i n the tribe not to w e a r her hair in plaits? A l s o , a l t h o u g h she o n l y a p p e a r e d to be about five years o l d w h e n a d o p t e d into the tribe, she c a n r e c a l l w o r d s s u c h as ' h o l y ' a n d ' h o n o u r ' but not w o r d s l i k e ' s t a n d ' or ' b i r d ' , yet she c a n tell D u n b a r if he's guessed t h e w o r d c o r r e c t l y after she writes it.

I T h e f i lm opens in the midst of the Civil W a r in Tennessee. A s a r e w a r d for a n act of b r a v e r y Lt. J o h n D u n b a r ( K e v i n Field of Dreams Costner) chooses r e a s s i g n m e n t to the W e s t e r n F r o n t i e r â&#x20AC;&#x201D; w a n t i n g to see the frontier b e f o r e it disappears. O n a r r i v a l he finds that the post has b e e n deserted but he elects to stay there a n d wait for r e p l a c e m e n t s to a r r i v e . H e s o o n c o m e s into c o n t a c t w i t h the S i o u x Indians a n d tries to c o m m u n i c a t e w i t h t h e m . W i t h the help of Stands w i t h a Fist (a w h i t e w o m a n a d o p t e d into the tribe as a child) as an interpreter,progress is made,albeit s l o w at first. A s D u n b a r gets to k n o w the S i o u x he learns their language a n d their c u s t o m s . H e w i n s the trust of the t r i b e a n d , h a v i n g fallen i n l o v e w i t h Stands w i t h a Fist, m a r r i e s into it. B y this t i m e he has a S i o u x n a m e D a n c e s w i t h W o l v e s â&#x20AC;&#x201D; a n d he does not w a n t to see the S i o u x w a y of life disappear, a l t h o u g h he k n o w s it is inevitable. A l t h o u g h a v e r y a m b i t i o u s project for Costner's d i r e c t o r i a l debut, it seems to

w o r k well. The screenplay was written by M i c h a e l B l a k e (an o l d f r i e n d of Costner's),

O v e r a l l t h o u g h , the f i lm is a realistic a n d detailed p o r t r a y a l of S i o u x life in the last c e n t u r y . It is a v e r y m o v i n g film, w i t h p l e n t y of a c t i o n , h u m o u r a n d , of course, the o b l i g a t o r y l o v e interest. W e l l w o r t h a visit a n d , at just u n d e r three hours l o n g , g o o d v a l u e for m o n e y . JLW.

Clubs and Sports Hang Gliding T h e I n t e r - U n i v e r s i t y C o m p e t i t i o n in H a n g , P a r a G l i d i n g w i l l take p l a c e in S w a n s e a b e t w e e n the 2 3 r d a n d 2 5 t h M a r c h . T h e tasks w i l l suit the abilities of the participants. A n y o n e w i t h a n E P C + or F l + c a n take part. T h e Easter c o u r s e starts o n S a t u r d a y 2 3 r d M a r c h . T h e costs of t h e c o u r s e are as follows: First certificate (EPC, F l ) : S I 3 5 for the w h o l e course (£30 deposit required) C P C : £25 p e r day F 2 : £25 i n total p a y a b l e o n the first day A c c o m m o d a t i o n costs w i l l be about £13 p w (£3 deposit). If y o u w o u l d l i k e m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n j o i n us o n F r i d a y s at 12.30pm in Southside U p p e r L o u n g e . A l t e r n a t i v e l y contact Y a s m i n S a u d i , p / h M a t h s U G .

Lebanese T h a n k s to the i n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r of L e b a n e s e students w h i c h e n a b l e d us to set up the L e b a n e s e Society. It's constitution w a s p r e s e n t e d to I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n a n d was passed a c c o r d i n g to n o r m a l p r o c e d u r e . O u r m a i n activities w i l l be to t r y a n d organise parties, set up sports teams.

Huxley Professor Sir H e r m a n n B o n d i , one of the p r i n c i p a l originates of the Steady State t h e o r y of c o s m o l o g y , a n d o n e time Chief Scientist to the D e p a r t m e n t of E n e r g y a n d the M i n i s t r y of Defence, w i l l be s p e a k i n g o n 'Science a n d R e l i g i o n ' this T h u r s d a y . H e is P r e s i d e n t of the B r i t i s h H u m a n i s t A s s o c i a t i o n a n d as a n a c t i v e h u m a n i s t has w o n i n t e r n a t i o n a l a w a r d s for his w o r k . H e is a s t r o n g b e l i e v e r in the duty of scientists to tell society w h a t science is about. A s F e l l o w of the R o y a l A s t r o n o m i c a l Soceity a n d the R o y a l Society a n d a u t h o r of s u c h b o o k s as ' R e l a t i v i t y a n d C o m m o n s e n s e ' , a n d 'The U n i v e r s e at L a r g e ' his talk w i l l not o n l y be r i v e t i n g but also a u t h o r a t i v e . 'Science a n d R e l i g i o n ' is the title used b y Prof T H H u x l e y in his lectures o v e r 100 years ago as D e a n of the College. H e c o i n e d the t e r m agnostic for his beliefs. C o m e a n d hear B o n d i f o l l o w this t r a d i t i o n at 1.15pm in H u x l e y 2 3 1 . The following Thursday Michael N e w m a n w i l l be t a l k i n g about the t h e m e of his b o o k ' B r e a k i n g the S h a c k l e s ' , the history of H u x l e y , W e l l s a n d Imperial College.

Judo Last w e e k e n d saw the B r i t i s h Student J u d o C h a m p i o n s h i p s at C r y s t a l Palace N a t i o n a l Sports C e n t r e , w h e r e m e m b e r s of IC J u d o C l u b h e l p e d re-affirm L o n d o n U n i v e r s i t y ' s p o s i t i o n as the c o u n t r y ' s top judo u n i v e r s i t y . In the u n d e r 7 1 k g category, b r o w n belt S i m o n L l o y d c o n v i n c i n g l y w o n his first r o u n d p o o l , t h r o w i n g all his opponents w i t h full i p p o n scores i n s h o r t time. H a v i n g q u a l i f i e d for the k n o c k o u t s , he was v e r y u n f o r t u n a t e to lose after getting t h r o u g h to the last eight. Fighting in the highly competitive u n d e r 7 8 k g class w e r e b l a c k belts a n d IC judo club c o a c h e s J o n L e a n a n d Peter S w e t t e n h a m . J o n d e s t r o y e d his first t w o opponents, o n e of w h o m r e c e n t l y r e p r e s e n t e d C a m b r i d g e i n J a p a n . In his last fight he c o n c e d e d a s c o r e to a n o t h e r L o n d o n fighter, w h i c h b y the rules of contest was just e n o u g h to p r e v e n t h i m fighting in the k n o c k o u t s . Peter s h o w e d his c u s t o m a r y efficiency in his first t h r e e fights, t h r o w i n g all his opponents for full i p p o n scores, using techniques i n c l u d i n g a s p e c t a c u l a r a n d r a r e l y seen ' p i c k - u p ' t h r o w , d r o p p i n g the unfortunate r e c i p i e n t f r o m almost six feet c l e a n l y to the mat. In his first k n o c k o u t fight he s t r a n g l e d his o p p o n e n t but w a s unfortunate to go out i n his n e x t fight due to some dubious refereeing. T h e w h o l e squad's s y m p a t h i e s go to blue belt R e g C o o k , a hot m e d a l prospect in the u n d e r 6 0 k g category. R e g n u r s i n g a s e v e r e s h o u l d e r injury s h o w e d t r e m e n d o u s spirit a n d d e t e r m i n a t i o n but w a s forced to w i t h d r a w . His p h y s i o w i l l not be pleased. S u n d a y saw the t e a m c o m p e t i t i o n s

c o m p r i s i n g of a five m a n u n i v e r s i t y c h a m p i o n s h i p , a n d a ten m a n a r e a event. L o n d o n had lost the five m a n title to G l a s g o w , i n G l a s g o w last y e a r a n d w e r e out for r e v e n g e . T h e y m a d e short w o r k of U W C E d i n b u r g h , a n d t h e n faced h o t l y t i p p e d S o u t h a m p t o n . It was a h a r d fought contest, w i t h L o n d o n g o i n g t h r o u g h o n a judge's d e c i s i o n . W h i c h leaves the final, against G l a s g o w o n c e m o r e . N o t h i n g c o u l d stop L o n d o n w i t h IC p l a y e r s Pete a n d J o n , a n d it was all o v e r in t h r e e fights. Peter o n c e m o r e w o n the d e c i s i v e fight. T h e n c a m e the ten m a n c o m p e t i t i o n . Peter, J o n a n d S i m o n fought first against the S o u t h . J o n , fighting first m a n , m a n a g e d to get a passivity w a r n i n g w i t h z e r o seconds o n the c l o c k c a n c e l l i n g his w i n n i n g score. L o n d o n w e n t t h r o u g h a n y w a y to face S c o t l a n d in the final. J o n a n d Pete b o t h w o n in s u p e r b style. J o n g i v i n g a w a y 2!/2 stone in w e i g h t . Peter s t r ang l i ng a medallist. S i m o n , fighting tenth m a n , d r e w t o u g h fights a n d lost but s h o w e d r e a l skill a n d d e t e r m i n a t i o n . W i t h five w i n s a p i e c e it w e n t to points w i t h L o n d o n l o s i n g 43 to 40.

ICSF—Total Recall T h e film b e y o n d y o u r i m a g i n a t i o n w i t h a b o d y count b i g g e r t h a n t h e special effects budget. A r n i e , w h o plays a s i m p l e m u s c u l a r c o n s t r u c t i o n w o r k e r , is v e r y s u r p i s e d to find his m i n d has b e e n m e s s e d a r o u n d w i t h . After the b o d y c o u n t has r e a c h e d d o u b l e figures he decides to see a specialist. H e r e c o m m e n d s a r e l a x i n g trip to M a r s a n d a sex c h a n g e . T h e script for this f i l m , adapted f r o m a P h i l i p K D i c k short story, was w r i t t e n ten years ago. O n l y r e c e n t l y h a v e the special effects a d v a n c e d e n o u g h to do M a r s in its full glory a n d has to be seen i n cinemascope. ICSF w i l l s h o w this f i lm at 7 p m o n F e b r u a r y 12 in M e c h E n g 2 2 0 . E n t r y fee is 80p to m e m b e r s , w i t h m e m b e r s h i p £2 w h i c h i n c l u d e s free entry into the film.

Anna

Teeman faces up to the monetary realities

of war...

Gulf Economics

B a c k i n A u g u s t , Iraq's i n v a s i o n of K u w a i t p r e c i p i t a t e d a m a s s i v e i n c r e a s e i n the price of o i l . T h e cost of o i l rose a staggering 1 0 0 % to o v e r $40 per b a r r e l . Iraq posed a threat to the w o r l d e c o n o m y on t w o fronts: it j e o p a r d i z e d the s u p p l y of oil - a crucial raw material - and now had the p o w e r to i m p o s e g l o b a l inflation on a w o r l d still i n the grips of a recession. But w h e r e d i d the m a g i c a l $40 per b a r r e l c o m e from? T h e i n c r e a s e a b s o r b e d the f o l l o w i n g : the loss of t h e K u w a i t i c o n t r i b u t i o n to the w o r l d o i l s u p p l y (8% of the total), the w i n t e r i n c r e a s e i n o i l c o n s u m p t i o n a n d w h a t is k n o w n as a ' w a r risk p r e m i u m ' . T h i s p r e m i u m w a s the d o m i n a n t factor. It was c a l c u l a t e d o n the a s s u m p t i o n that Iraq h a d the m i l i t a r y c a p a b i l i t y to c r i p p l e o i l p r o d u c t i o n in other P e r s i a n gulf states i n c l u d i n g S a u d i Arabia. W h y t h e n has the p r i c e of o i l n o w fallen to w e l l u n d e r $30 p e r barrel? W i n t e r has b e e n m i l d e r t h a n p r e d i c t e d (difficult to b e l i e v e after w e a r i n g w o o l l y g l o v e s in a l e c t u r e theatre) a n d the ' w a r risk p r e m i u m ' p r o v e d to be a n o v e r e s t i m a t e . If Iraqi scuds a r e i n a c c u r a t e e n o u g h to hit the villages of b e l e a g u e r e d Palestinians, s y m p a t h e t i c to Iraq, then they pose a b a r e l y c r e d i b l e threat to the d e f e n d e d o i l installations of the Gulf. T h e i n t e r n a t i o n a l o i l c o m m u n i t y , in a l l o w i n g the price of oil to fall, has not c o n s i d e r e d t h e o b l i t e r a t i o n of K u w a i t ' s o i l

infrastructure b y a r e t r e a t i n g Iraqi a r m y . T h e o r i g i n a l rise in o i l p r i c e was p a r t l y based o n the c u r r e n t loss of K u w a i t i o i l not o n the possible d e s t r u c t i o n of the entire o i l i n d u s t r y . S u c h an e v e n t w o u l d h e r a l d a rise i n o i l price a n d global inflation. B r i t a i n has a l r e a d y felt the w a r m t h of the Gulf's i n f l a t i o n a r y flame. Because of the initial rise in o i l p r i c e the inflation p e a k c a m e later i n B r i t a i n last y e a r t han earlier. T h e C o n s e r v a t i v e g o v e r n m e n t is obsessed w i t h c o n t r o l l i n g inflation a n d sees it as not just a p r i m a r y factor of e c o n o m i c p o l i c y , but the o n l y one. T h e g o v e r n m e n t keeps interest rates high, s l e d g e - h a m m e r i n g inflation a n d d e e p e n i n g recession. B r i t a i n is t r a p p e d in a recession fuelled b y h i g h interest rates a n d n o w b y w a r . W a r w a l k s h a n d in h a n d w i t h recession because, d u r i n g w a r t i m e , c o n s u m e r a n d business c o n f i d e n c e is shattered. P e o p l e are too scared to s p e n d m o n e y , so t h e y save i n s t e a d , r e d u c i n g the v o l u m e of transactions a n d t h e r e b y sparking a recession. Additionally war costs m o n e y ; m o n e y that must be r e m o v e d f r o m the r e m a i n d e r of the e c o n o m y . T h e less m o n e y i n the e c o n o m y the greater the r e c e s s i o n . In the past w e e k the B r i t i s h e c o n o m y has been further w e a k e n e d b y a rise in G e r m a n interest rates a n d an associated rise in G e r m a n e x c h a n g e rates. Put s i m p l y , the p o u n d S t e r l i n g is n o w w o r t h

FELIX

less in r e l a t i o n to the D e u t s c h m a r k . T h e G e r m a n s are p o r t r a y e d as selfish a n d irresponsible to m a k e s u c h a m o v e at a t i m e of not o n l y r e c e s s i o n b u t w a r . T h e y have, of c o u r s e , m a d e a hefty f i n a n c i a l c o n t r i b u t i o n to the c o m m u n a l coffers sniffed at b e c a u s e t h e y h a v e n ' t e v e n sent 'their b o y s ' to b e b u t c h e r e d in the Gulf. A n d w h a t of J a p a n , a n o t h e r c o w a r d l y custard, t h r o w i n g its coins into the b o x ? H o w c a n c o u n t r i e s w h i c h , b y their postS e c o n d - W o r l d - W a r constitutions, are forbidden to take part in i n t e r n a t i o n a l conflicts sail gung-ho to the Gulf? A 1% fall in g r o w t h rate is forecast for b o t h the G e r m a n a n d J a p a n e s e e c o n o m i e s . A m e r i c a , o n the other h a n d , is about to r e c e i v e billions of dollars f r o m a r o u n d the w o r l d to fund t h e p r e d o m i n a n t l y A m e r i c a n force in the Gulf. H o w e v e r the A m e r i c a n force in the Gulf is p a i d for: the e q u i p m e n t is bought a n d the w a g e s are a l r e a d y budgeted. A d m i t t e d l y t h e r e w i l l be a d d i t i o n a l costs; the loss e q u i p m e n t a n d use of live a m m u n i t i o n . H o w e v e r e c o n o m i s t s are p r e d i c t i n g a c o n s i d e r a b l e surplus. H o w w i l l this surplus be spent? Not o n defence: significant cuts i n the A m e r i c a n defence budg e t w e r e a n n o u n c e d b y M r B u s h last w e e k . T h e r e are other d e s e r v i n g causes i n c l u d i n g a b u r g e o n i n g budget deficit a n d a c r i p p l e d e c o n o m y .

Richard Eyers and Mick Jagger

investigate.

Spitting Image Unmasked R o y a l s , n a m e l y the Q u e e n a n d the D u k e of E d i n b u r g h . T h e s h o w lasts for about ten m i n u t e s a n d is v e r y r e m i n i s c e n t of the T V s h o w . W h i l s t w a t c h i n g the s h o w , w h i c h is o n l y just too l o n g , it is easy to i m a g i n e the r e a l c h a r a c t e r s i n a c t i o n . T h e r e is the almost f r i e n d l y b i c k e r i n g b e t w e e n M a g g i e a n d N e i l , the o d d suspect c o m m e n t about the C h i n e s e f r o m the D u k e , a n d a n interesting r e l a t i o n s h i p is s t r u c k up b e t w e e n Sir A l a s t a i r a n d t h e Q u e e n , a l t h o u g h the D u k e , p o s e d w i t h his trusty w e a p o n , a c t u a l l y a b l u n d e r b u s s , seems n o n e too b o t h e r e d b y this. T h e difference b e t w e e n the T V v e r s i o n a n d this s h o w is that the c h a r a c t e r s are 'live'. T h e r e a r e n o puppeteers, instead a series of c a r e f u l l y a r r a n g e d fire-hosing, latex a n d s i l i c o n chips b r i n g the c h a r a c t e r s to life. L i c k e t y - L i c k demonstrates s o m e of the newest t e c h n o l o g y i n the puppet w o r l d , a n d after the p e r f o r m a n c e y o u get a c h a n c e to see b e h i n d the scenes. T h e R u b b e r w o r k s has a full w o r k s h o p set u p , w i t h a demonstrator guiding you through both the history a n d the t e c h n i c a l b a c k g r o u n d of Spitting Image. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , w h a t most p e o p l e d o n ' t see is b e h i n d the scenes of L i c k e t y - L i c k , w h e r e a l l the t e c h n o l o g y is p u l l e d together. In a system i n v e n t e d b y Peter F l u c k and J i m Hennequin, sophisticated c o m p u t e r p r o g r a m m i n g s y n c h r o n i s e s pre-

r e c o r d e d v o i c e s w i t h a full r a n g e of b o d i l y functions. It is the F l e x a t o r that has m a d e a l l this possible, a n artificial m u s c l e w o r k e d b y air. It p r o v i d e s life-like m o v e m e n t s that w o u l d n ' t be possible w i t h c o n v e n t i o n a l h y d r a u l i c s . T h e s e are t h e n c l o t h e d a n d c o v e r e d i n the r u b b e r m o u l d of the d e s i r e d c h a r a c t e r . (Yes, e v e n R o n a l d R e a g a n w a s d e s i r e d once!) A c o m p l e x c o l l e c t i o n of c i r c u i t s a n d v a l v e s c a n t h e n be l i n k e d to a c o m p u t e r , a joystick a n d a c o m p r e s s o r a n d t h e n the p r o g r a m m i n g begins. It c a n take a s k i l l e d o p e r a t o r u p to three days of c o m p u t e r t i m e to fully p r o g r a m the c h a r a c t e r . O n c e built, a fully a u t o m a t e d , t a l k i n g m o d e l w i l l have cost b e t w e e n £30,000 a n d £40,000. M a r g a r e t T h a t c h e r w a s the first to be p r o d u c e d ; she w a s f i n i s h e d i n the m i d d l e of 1989. It t h e n b e c a m e possible to h i r e her for the d a y to speak to a n y a u d i e n c e a n y w h e r e , a n d h a v e her say a n y t h i n g , s o m e t h i n g t h e C o n s e r v a t i v e s n e v e r quite m a n a g e d w i t h the r e a l o n e . F o l l o w i n g her successful debut, further c h a r a c t e r s w e r e built for hire. T h e list is n o w l o n g a n d d i s t i n g u i s h e d i n c l u d i n g s u c h stars as J o h n Major, O l i v e r R e e d a n d G a z z a for e x a m p l e . T h e y cost a m e r e £2,500 p e r day w h i c h i n c l u d e s the s p e e c h of y o u r choice. If a l l this seems a little e x p e n s i v e , a c o n v e n t i o n a l m o d e l c a n b e m a d e for a r o u n d £7,000. T h e y m a y be c h e a p e r but

Mick and Jeremy, or Jeremy and Mick?

How it begins—the guts of a model C o v e n t G a r d e n , h o m e of t h e b u s k e r a n d street e n t e r t a i n e r has just b e e n t a k e n o v e r by, a m o n g s t others, M a r g a r e t T h a t c h e r . This out-of-work e x - P M c a n n o w be f o u n d r e g u l a r l y a p p e a r i n g i n a t a c k y budget g a m e s h o w . L i c k e t y - L i c k forms the c e n t r e point of a n e w v e n t u r e in Covent G arden. Peter F l u c k , a l r e a d y w e l l k n o w n for the satirical a n d g e n e r a l l y offensive 'Spitting Image' has b r o u g h t his c h a r a c t e r s a n d skill to the ' R u b b e r w o r k s ' . Since 15th D e c e m b e r 1990, P r i n c e C h a r l e s has b e e n seen p r o w l i n g the streets a r o u n d the R o y a l O p e r a H o u s e t r y i n g to entice p e o p l e into a s m a l l d a r k t u n n e l that leads into w h a t looks l i k e a

s m a l l disused w a r e h o u s e . In a s m a l l d a r k q u a d r a n g l e y o u ' r e met b y ex-President of the U n i t e d States, M r . R o n a l d R e a g a n , a n d a p o l i c e m a n dressed i n b o x e r shorts. S o u n d strange? Y o u ' r e r i g h t , it is, a n d b y n o w y o u r p o c k e t w i l l be £2.90 lighter, w i t h n o t h i n g to s h o w for it. S u d d e n l y d o o r s are thrust o p e n a n d y o u are e n t i c e d into a d a r k d i n g y r o o m . A n d t h e n the fun begins It starts w i t h a t w i t c h i n g of a giant tongue, a n d as the lights go u p , the p a n e l of L i c k e t y - L i c k are r e v e a l e d . T h e c h a i r m a n of this w e l l k n o w n g a m e - s ho w is none other t h a n Sir A l a s t a i r B u r n e t . H i s illustrious p a n e l consists of Maggie, N e i l K i n n o c k a n d a c o u p l e of w e l l k n o w n

The brains and brawn of a t h e y c a n r e q u i r e b e t w e e n three a n d five p e o p l e to operate t h e m , w i t h their hands c o n t r o l l i n g v a r i o u s parts of t h e puppets a n a t o m y , d e p e n d i n g u p o n w h a t the character requires. For example, Mick Jagger's lips r e q u i r e one o p e r a t o r o n their own. T h e n e x t series of Spitting Image begins i n M a r c h , a n d w i t h a cast of at least 500 c h a r a c t e r s as diverse as G o r b a c h o v a n d s m a l l p a r r o t s , the cost of e a c h episode w i l l p r o b a b l y be i n the r e g i o n of £40,000. T h e r e are b o u n d to be s o m e n e w characters, w i t h the p o t e n t i a l for c o n t r o v e r s y better t h a n e v e r at the moment.

character

These m o d e l s have also a p p e a r e d i n adverts a r o u n d the w o r l d . T h e ' H a l l s M e n t h o l y p t u s ' a d v e r t w i t h a n elephant's t r u n k a n d a giraffe's ne c k g r o w i n g out of a c o m m u t e r are t y p i c a l of Spitting's a p p r o a c h . T h e y offend people, but because t h e y a m u s e m o r e t h a n t h e y offend t h e y get a w a y w i t h it. In the future it c a n o n l y get w o r se or better d e p e n d i n g o n h o w y o u feel, w i t h Peter F l u c k d i v e r s i f y i n g further a n d further. T h e v e n t u r e in C o v e n t G a r d e n is just a taste of w h a t there is to c o m e , noone is sacred, a n d there are p l e n t y of people that still d e s e r v e to be r i d i c u l e d by rubber and compressed air.

Milltown Brothers -LP

F * * * i n ' A P o s i t i v e . It's this k i n d of r e c o r d that m a k e s y o u w a n n a ' d i t c h the last reefer a n d flush the last of y o u r stash. P o w e r of p o s i t i v e t h i n k i n g a n d all that. A t first sight it looks l i k e a d o d g y J a p a n e s e h a r d c o r e i m p o r t but at closer i n s p e c t i o n y o u m a y realise it c o m e s straight a n d direct f r o m the West coast

—Borderline

(of the U S A . Asshole). T h i s is just a n o t h e r confusion tactic to hide its u n d e n i a b l e DC roots. T h e y d r a w e x t e n s i v e l y f r o m the s o u n d characterised by Washington D C s ' D i s c h o r d ' l a b e l (made f amous b y Minor Threat/Fugazi) but there a r e subtle changes ot w h a t is n o w a r a t h e r singlefaceted m u s i c a l i d e a l . T h e a d d i t i o n of v o c a l h a r m o n i e s a n d a bit of pace have l i v e n e d up w h a t w o u l d o t h e r w i s e be a n o t h e r r e c o r d w i t h the D C s o u n d . T h e u n d e r l y i n g p h i l o s o p h i e s (optimised b y Minor Threat's Out of Step with the World)—Don't d r i n k , don't s m o k e , don't f***, but at least I c a n F * * * i n ' think) are still there. T h i s m u s i c is h o w e v e r subtlely different. H e a v i l y stylised m e t a l riffs are l a y e r e d o v e r a bassline w h i c h controls b o t h pace a n d m e l o d y . T h e v o c a l s range f r o m h a r m o n i c s (almost) to a full o n h a r d c o r e shout a n d the l y r i c s deal w i t h aggressive, r i g h t o n , p o l i t i c s — p r e a c h i n g the straight e d g e w a y . T h e m u s i c is aggressive—if y o u w a n n a b y h y p e d e n o u g h to c h e w y o u r balls off—buy it. Seb

Wild River Apples —/ Can't Wait for Heaven

A short slide guitar intro drifts into a gentle acoustic s t r u m a n d as the female

v o c a l starts, I feel myself t r a n s p o r t e d to a n o t h e r time, a n o t h e r p l a c e . It's s o m e h a l c y o n daze—I c o u l d be a repentent n o r t h e r n m a n r e t u r n i n g h o m e for a r e u n i o n w i t h m y father w h o m I haven't seen in ten years, or m a y b e I c o u l d be a w o m a n sitting in a Beatle o v e r l o o k i n g the sea. I sip m y coffee a n d a h h , the s u n b r e a k s t h r o u g h the clouds a n d , yes, I can go o n a n o t h e r day! T h i s is p s e u d o - h i p p y n o n s e n s e at its worst. T h e s o n g is totally inoffensive, full of life a n d happiness but t h e i r s i n c e r i t y is c o m p l e t e l y m i s p l a c e d (oh s u c h a sad p l i n k - p l o n k h a r p solo). T h e nearest c o m p a r i s o n I c o u l d m a k e c o u l d be a n inner-city All About Eve. H a v i n g said that it w o u l d s o u n d ' g o o d ' o n d a y t i m e radio but it's w a y too t w e e for m e . Harry Cross.

MUSIC REVIEWERS C ould all music reviewers please contact the F E L I X Office a.s.a.p.

12"

5.2.91

W a l k i n g d o w n the stone steps I h a d a s t o n g feeling of deja v u , w a s it B o n a n z a or T h e magificent Seven? T h e rather t a c k y s u r r o u n d i n g s r e v e a l e d n o t h i n g of w h a t w a s to c o m e . Sitting d o w n , a v o i d i n g t h e a u t h e n t i c splinters, I s u r v e y e d m y s u r r o u n d i n g s agai n. D i d t h e y have ultra-violet lights a n d projectors in the W i l d West? I hope not. T e n m i n u t e s later I was p u l l e d f r o m m y seat b y the soft drifting v o c a l s of one l a d y a n d the s t r u m m i n g of a guitar. I k n o w the tune but not her n a m e . W a s it a c o v e r or h a d I seen s o m e b o d y famous a n d not realised? T h r e e or four songs later she left w i t h w h a t c a n o n l y be d e s c r i b e d as i nt e r m i t e nt applause. I don't k n o w h e r n a m e but she was good. Next, The Love Kittens p e r f o r m e d w e l l despite one of their a m p s failing i n the first m i n u t e . A c o m b i n a t i o n of i n d i r o c k m i x e d w i t h a few s l o w e r n u m b e r s failed to l i v e n up the a u d i e n c e . T h e y s e e m e d to suffer f r o m r e c u r r i n g i n t r o disease, e v e r y song s o u n d e d the s a m e a n d e a c h t i m e it r e m i n d e d m e of The Charlatans. W i t h a little m o r e imagination they could become very good. Despite t h e i r efforts the c r o w d failed to r e s p o n d . W h e n t h e y left the stage the o n l y sign of t h e i r p r e s e n c e w a s a few m o v i n g heads a n d ten seconds applause. T h e c r o w d g r e w a n d the tension m o u n t e d as e v e r y b o d y w a i t e d for the a r r i v a l o n the Miltown Brothers. Fifteen m i n u t e s later t h e y a p p e a r e d , w i t h n e w haircuts. G o n e is the s h e e p d o g look, n o w more like a terrior. A instant hit w i t h the a u d i e n c e e v e r y b o d y (well the front half) w e r e s o o n j u m p i n g up a n d d o w n a n d c r e a t i n g general m a y h e m . F o u r songs i n a n d a l l h e l l b r o k e loose w i t h a b r i l l i a n t r e n d i t i o n of their single Which way should I jump? T h e answer, a n y w a y y o u w a n t e d . It s o o n got v e r y d a n g e r o u s a n d v e r y s w e a t y but definitely not to be m i s s e d . T h e y c o n t i n u e d for half a n hour d u r i n g w h i c h time the c r o w d b e g a n to get h e a v i l y into the m o o d . T h e y c o m b i n e d h e a v y n u m b e r s w i t h s l o w e r ones so that y o u c o u l d s p r e a d y o u r e n e r g y a n d last the distance. W h e n it w a s t i m e for t h e m to leave, the a u d i e n c e c a l l e d t h e m b a c k for m o r e . T h e e n c o u r consisted of t w o m o r e songs a n d a final a n d v e r y l i v e l y repeat of the single. A t this stage I was b e g i n n i n g to fear for m y feet a n d on s e v e r a l o c c a s i o n s the steal toe-caps saved the day. A group not to be missed, I haven't s w e a t e d so m u c h for y e a r s . Brilliant. Anna B

The RCS go walkies...

Ten Tors '91 E v e r y y e a r the R C S U n i o n enters one or t w o teams for t h e T e n T o r s c o m p e t i t i o n . T h i s is a 55 m i l e h i k e o v e r D a r t m o o r . T h e object of this is for t e a m s of six to w a l k f r o m c h e c k p o i n t to c h e c k p o i n t , w h i c h are situated at the s u m m i t s of the T o r s , passing t h r o u g h ten o v e r t w o days. T h e e v e n t has b e e n r u n n i n g for about 30 years, a n d is o p e n to y o u n g p e o p l e f r o m b o t h m i l i t a r y a n d c i v i l i a n organisations. T o o easy? Please r e a d on... T h i s year's ' T e n T o r s ' takes place o n 18/19 M a y , a n d w e hope to enter t w o teams. T h o s e selected w i l l b e d r i v e n d o w n to O k e h a m p t o n o n F r i d a y 17 M a y , w h e r e w e w i l l stay at the a r m y base. T h e w a l k begins at 7 a m on S a t u r d a y m o r n i n g . E a c h t e a m w i l l t h e n w a l k for 10 to 12 hours, s t o p p i n g o n l y for f o o d a n d 'blister c o n t r o l ' . W e hope to c o v e r about 30 m i l e s (six tors) b e f o r e the c h e c k p o i n t s close at nightfall, t h e n , b r e a k i n g c a m p early o n S u n d a y m o r n i n g , c o v e r the r e m a i n i n g four tors (25 miles) b y 5 p m . Matt J a r m a n ' s a c c o u n t of the e x p e d i t i o n last y e a r gives a further insight to this challenge: '... h a v i n g m a d e the l o n g d r i v e d o w n to O k e h a m p t o n on Friday afternoon, we stood in line for the v a r i o u s kit c h e c k s necessary for the t e a m to be passed ' r e a d y ' for the f o l l o w i n g t w o days. T h i s was f o l l o w e d b y a short f i l m on 'Safety on Dartmoor'. W i t h all our c h e c k s c o m p l e t e d , a n 'interesting' m e a l was c o o k e d a n d eaten, a n d , as d a r k n e s s fell, w e settled d o w n to sleep. It s e e m e d o n l y m o m e n t s later w h e n w e w e r e r u d e l y w o k e n b y the sounds of ' C h a r i o t s of F i r e ' b l a s t i n g o v e r the t a n n o y . T h i s was f o l l o w e d b y a m e d l e y of songs i n c l u d i n g 'The l o n g w a l k h o m e ' , ' H e r e c o m e s the r a i n a g a i n ' a n d ' K e e p o n r u n n i n g ' . W e c o m p l e t e d our last m i n u t e kit c h e c k a n d m a d e our w a y to the start. H a v i n g b e e n addressed b y the v i s i t i n g

dignitaries, w e c h a t t e d to s o m e of the other teams at the massed start (about 2000 y o u n g people), a n d t h e n w e started our ' T e n T o r s ' . It was a distinct disadvantage that w e h a d n e v e r been to D a r t m o o r before: it is a lot less r u g g e d o n the ' G u i l d f o r d D o w n s ' w h e r e w e h a d b e e n training. However, we w a l k e d on regardless b o t h of the p a i n i n our feet

a Manned Tor a n d , sometimes, the d i r e c t i o n i n w h i c h we were heading. A l t h o u g h our e x p e d i t i o n w a s to c o v e r 55 miles, t h e r e are 45 m i l e a n d 35 m i l e hikes too. T h i s m a k e s for some confusing p a t h c r o s s i n g , as e v e r y o n e seems to h e a d in r a n d o m directions. W e w a l k e d o n , a r r i v i n g at the s i x t h tor at a r o u n d five p m . W e c o n t i n u e d until it got d a r k , w h e r e u p o n w e s t o p p e d for the night in the quiet of the m o o r . T h e f o l l o w i n g m o r n i n g s a w the t e a m tired a n d footsore, slogging o n f r o m tor to tor, desperately t r y i n g to stay in t o u c h w i t h the finish t i m e of 5 p m . A t e a c h tor w e w e r e u r g e d to k e e p g o i n g , asour c a r d was c h e c k e d , a n d the time m a r k e d d o w n . If y o u do not r e a c h a tor b y a c e r t a i n time, the t e a m is 'c r a s he d out', r e t i r e d for its o w n sake. F i n i s h i n g w a s a sight for sore feet, as b y n o w o n l y sheer d e t e r m i n a t i o n kept us going. Pete s y m p a t h e t i c a l l y l o a d e d us into the m i n i b u s , a n d the l o n g d r i v e b a c k to L o n d o n gave us time to t e n d our m a n y blisters a n d a c h i n g legs. A l t h o u g h w e c o u l d not w a l k v e r y w e l l for the n e x t w e e k , a l l the t e a m agreed that our effort h a d b e e n w e l l w o r t h it.'

T h i s c h a l l e n g e is not for the weakhearted. It is a s e v e r e test of s t a m i n a , endurance, enormous care in planning, h a r d t r a i n i n g , skilful n a v i g a t i o n a n d , a b o v e a l l , fitness a n d t e a m w o r k . W e hope to b e g i n t r a i n i n g s o o n , starting w i t h fitness a n d s t a m i n a , l e a d i n g o n to w a l k i n g , n a v i g a t i o n a n d t e a m - w o r k skills. T h e fitness t r a i n i n g s h o u l d n o t be too t i m e - c o n s u m i n g , t a k i n g about t w o hours a w e e k . W e h o p e to get out onto w i l d e r t e r r a i n later. T h e r e w i l l be a m e e t i n g for all those interested o n M o n d a y 11 F e b r u a r y , at 12. 30p m i n S o u t h s i d e . P r i o r i t y w i l l be g i v e n to R C S students, but there w i l l be places for G & G a n d R S M m e m b e r s . If y o u are i n t e r e s t e d please c o n t a c t : Matt J a r m a n M a t e r i a l s II or Peter G a l l e y T e n T o r s M a n a g e r R C S U . F i n a l l y , if the T e n T o r s s o u n d s too d e m a n d i n g , o r if y o u t h i n k last year's team w e r e a b u n c h of n a n c i e s a n d Y O U c o u l d r u n r o u n d the c o u r s e , do not be put off, it is w e l l w o r t h it, e v e n t h o u g h it m a y hurt a little!

Scribbler's C o r n e r W AN

°"

Joke

It's N o

UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS.

FRIDAY

Dear Andy, I w r i t e i n protest at y o u r n e w s p a p e r ' s a p p a r e n t a s s u m p t i o n that the existence of anti-war feeling i n I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e is a joke. Y o u m a y t h i n k that students here a r e apathetic or w a r - m o n g e r i n g but I k n o w different. A l s o , to p u t y o u r m o c k e r y u n d e r the guise of ' n e w s ' is v e r y u n p r o f e s s i o n a l a n d possibly m i s l e a d i n g . I b e l i e v e that p e a c e is the o n l y w a y out of this w a r w h i c h s h o u l d n e v e r h a v e started i n the first place. A n i m m e d i a t e ceasefire a n d talks about the w h o l e M i d d l e East q u e s t i o n b y the c o u n t r i e s c o n c e r n e d (ie: not A m e r i c a , B r i t a i n , etc..) w o u l d be a step i n the r i g h t d i r e c t i o n . It s h o u l d be r e m e m b e r e d that w a r is not h e r o i c a n d just leads to m i n d l e s s loss of

Hang Gliding Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out about weekend training. Weekly meeting. Yacht Club Meeting Huxley 413. Rag Meeting Union Lounge. Huxley Soc Bookstall JCR. Friday Prayers Southside Gym. See Islamic Society. Kung Fu Union Gym. C.U. Prayer Meeting 413 Maths. Yoga Southside Christian Union Meeting Swimming

Sports Centre. New members always welcome. Fencing Club Training Club training. Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan

Jt^^^k^Cl

life o n w h a t e v e r side. It's time that p e o p l e (and t h e press especially) took a m o r e h u m a n attitude to this conflict. In m y v i e w , a bit of t a l k i n g — e v e n if it means swallowing national pride—never hurt a n y o n e . A l l that aside, a n y v i e w o n this v e r y serious situation w h i c h c o n c e r n s us a l l , is v a l i d a n d s h o u l d be t a k e n as s u c h — n o t m a d e fun of. P e a c e c a m p a i g n e r s are not a b u n c h of c r a n k s , just p e o p l e w h o v a l u e h u m a n life a n d b e l i e v e a g g r e s s i o n o n l y m a k e s things w o r s e . Jim Watson, EE 2 P.S. I h a v e n ' t forgotten w h a t S a d d a m H u s s e i n has d o n e but the ' A l l i e s ' are just as b a d for r e t a l i a t i n g i n s u c h a massive a n d brutal w a y .

Q I O

£y.

L•

£\.

, \

•

c r

_ , . Dear Andy, ^

A f t e r r e a d i n g F e l i x o v e r the past few m

-TO

J _ Z

Southside Gvm Water Polo

A^^^t^^l

Sports C e n t r e y C o m e ^ o n g a n d join in'." ' Southside Disco Southside Bar.

confused

Yours,

W h a t are these so-called

A Surreal

\ ; A real it. o

F i s h o n a bottle m e l t i n g t h r o u g h time.

become more and more

Man.

P.S. L.ghtbulb.

student.

SATURDAY Wu

Shu Kwan in Southside Gym.

S I J 1 \ DA Y . Sunday Service.............. JftOWam Anteroom Sheffield Building. See West London Chaplaincy. Catholic Chaplaincy Mass b3 Cromwell Koad. n n v w u i " ! Y A l l welcome.

4.30pm

IntermediatTRock 'n' Roll .„„ JLK.

t n a t

Q f

r e a l

¥"1

5.3Upm

i f e

[

a {

i t s

i n t 0

a ( 1

d o e s n

(

l i f e

l j k e

o f

i n

[

s t a r t j n g

i t

d o n

t Q

, ^

i s

r j

j s

s [

[ Q

r e a

i s e

i n

[

i t

i s

.j. w

g h

o f

i §

t Q

s t a r t s

(

t 0

S t e r

h i t

j n

i t

' ' ' R o m a n s , slip i n that quote f r o m J o h n a n d

i t

o f

i n

T h e i n e v i t a b l e happens. B y the G r a c e , -

b u

t h i s

a i n

V i r g i n B i r t h a n d a n y w a y it's o l d A r c h a n g e l G a b r i e l ' s d a y off. , A

j s

o f

i f e

i s

w o n d e

S Q

rful.

P e r s o n a l l y , I s o l d m y soul years ago. A t l e a s t

So y o u slide o n o v e r to t h e nearest S

s o u

because y o u ' r e a protestant a n d M a r t i n L u t h e r has freed y o u f r o m that. q {

s u d d e n l y that o l d d e v i l t e m p t a t i o n rears h

F o r b i d d e n F r u i t she's off d o w n to

i ' l o o k i n g r e a l l y m e l l o w a n d e v e n the T

because she's a C a t h o l i c a n y w a y . It's just as w e l l because t w o sins d o n ' t m a k e a

really l i v e n i n g things

i s

i r i t

b l o w w i t h R e v e l a t i o n s a n d she's a l l y o u r s . f course, , -

too late to t u r n b a c k .

up.

00 m ™

C h r j s t

B a s k e t b a l l Club...........„ volleyball Lourt. Mens learn. "

day in C o l l e g e y o u meet u p w i t h a few of y o u r br o t he r s a n d sisters a n d h e a d o n

college are invited. Videos and adv.ce.

g n Q t

n Q t

e e

„ ' satety t o r W o m e n . . . . . iZ.JVpm Read Theatre Sherfield. A l l female members of

„

j n t

r e a

o l c l

c ° .u • J ° ,, Souths.de Upper Lounge. A l l abnormalities C

f e e l

j n

L a t h o l i c Mass............ b.OOpm 53 Cromwell Road, followed by supper. O

' / debate the O l d T e s t a m e n t for a bit of Genesis. i n y o u r letter c o l u m n is s a d l y m i s s i n g the B y n o w t h i n g s are r e a l l y h e a t i n g u p as , , , |, , .,

Shu Kwan in the Union Gym.

Kung:bvlUuh........

y ^'

b u t t h e n C h r i s t i a n i t y is not a l l about

3 / 1 1

V*l

V l l l

Fridge Warming Party Linstead Hall Bar.

be honest about it. W

Alan

McLean,

" Physics

The Other Hand

what's o n

Dear Felix,

to get b a c k o n w i t h her life s o o ne r

H a v i n g just finished r e a d i n g C a r r i e M i l l e r ' s letter in F e l i x 8 9 1 , I feel I must w r i t e to air m y v i e w s o n a b o r t i o n . Firstly, h a v e no allusions that I t h i n k that the t e r m i n a t i o n of a h u m a n life so y o u n g , yet to e x p e r i e n c e the joys a n d hardships of life's r i c h p a t t e r n , is right. A n y t a k i n g of a H u m a n life is fundamentally wrong, in a civilised society, but u n f o r t u n a t e l y m a n y p e o p l e get o n their h i g h horse o v e r a p r i n c i p l e w i t h o u t s e e i n g the w i d e r p i c t u r e . If a b o r t i o n was illegal, w h a t are the alternatives? O n e is that the w o m a n endures n i n e m o n t h s of h a r d s h i p a n d p r o l o n g e d feelings of guilt or i n s e c u r i t y , o n l y to let her b a b y go up for a d o p t i o n , c a u s i n g m o r e pain... T h e other, is l o w e r i n g herself m o r a l l y to go to a backstreet r o o m w h e r e s o m e shyster, w i t h d i r t y k n i v e s , is o n l y too h a p p y to r e l i e v e her of her c a s h in her t i m e of total a n d utter d e g r a d i n g s h a m e . A s the l a w stands, it is possible for her to h a v e an a b o r t i o n c l e a n l y a n d efficiently i n b o n a fide c l i n i c s w i t h t r a i n e d and e x p e r i e n c e d c o u n s e l l o r s to help her t h r o u g h this t r a u m a . T h i s leaves her free

( w h i c h she'll h a v e to do anyway...). It is a l l v e r y w e l l s a y i n g that if, G o d . forbid, a girl w a s r a p e d , t h e n 'if o n l y w e ask H i m , G o d w i l l give us c o u r a g e to go t h r o u g h w i t h the b i r t h ' , p r o v i d e d y o u are a practising Christian and are lucky e n o u g h to h a v e 'faith'. No o n e , h o w e v e r , c a n force that girl to go t h r o u g h w i t h the b i r t h , s i m p l y because a m i n o r i t y of the p o p u l a t i o n feel it is w r o n g . A s the l a w stands, e v e r y o n e is c a t e r e d for. A n t i - a b o r t i o n i s t s do not n e e d to h a v e a n a b o r t i o n if t hey so w i s h , but it is i m p o r t a n t that this o p t i o n b e a v a i l a b l e to those w h o do n e e d it. In m a n y respects it is a s i c k w o r l d w e live i n , so w e m i g h t as w e l l try to m a k e o u r insignificant presence h e r e as c o m f o r t a b l e a n d as trouble-free as possible. Yours, James Stones, Chem 2. P.S. M a y b e M r A l a n B a i l e y s h o u l d refrain f r o m p l a y i n g the D e v i l ' s A d v o c a t e or else take u p the m o r e t h a n g e n e r o u s offer of a p u b l i c debate to t r y a n d d e f e n d his b i g o t e d (I n e v e r was one for originality!) v i e w s .

—.

— I

_ I

Swimming Sports Centre. New members always welcome. Beginners Rock 'n' Roll JCR. Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports. Latin American JCR.

rpw T¥-«orv » -v

1U t S U A I

C.U. Prayer Meeting Chaplain's Office Riding Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. Radio Modellers Southside Lounge. Cathsoc Mass Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch. Sailing Club Southside Lounge. PhotoSoc Southside Lounge. New members to join. Jewish Society Meeting U D H (1st Floor, Union). Radio Modellers Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit Southside Gym. Amenesty International Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting. Wine Tasting Soc Union Lounge. Weekly meeting. Everyone

0 #1?

U Pill HUH K

A N UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS.

wei „ e

r i L L U Ull I

Improvers Ballroom

m w

Dear Andy

%J^i

'fr

IJil

Canoe Club Beit Q

T h e r e are few things i n life that r e a l l y b u g me. I c a n live w i t h the rantings of

u a

s t o r e

o r

8.30pm in Southside Upper

Lounge. Judo....

A l a n B a i l e y a n d A t h e n a in y o u r letters page. I c a n put up w i t h t h e aboveinflationary p r i c e rises in train fares. A n d I c a n e v e n s t o m a c h S a d m a n Insane's terrorist threat to the w o r l d . T h e real b a n e of m y life has to be those w r e t c h e d lifts i n the M e c h E n g B u i l d i n g . C o u l d s o m e o n e e x p l a i n w h y if y o u call a lift o n the g r o u n d floor, y o u can w a t c h as a l l the lifts s e e m to be

Dear Editor, Another Friday; another Felix. A c h a n c e to c a t c h up o n the doings of IC u n d e r g r a d u a t e s t h r o u g h t h e letters pages. I notice the usual a n n o y i n g God-squad diatribe, a few sad attempts at student 'humour' and then something truly special. A j e w e l of a joke; one of the funniest pieces of satire I h a v e e v e r r e a d .

U," "

stagnant o n l e v e l s 5 or 7. A n d w h a t r e a l l y gets m y goat is w h e n y o u see a lift c o m e d o w n a n d stop at l e v e l 3! H e n c e , y o u h a v e to w a i t for the lift to go f r o m l e v e l 5 to 7, b a c k to l e v e l 5 t h e n e v e n t u a l l y d o w n to l e v e l 2, whilst the lift o n l e v e l 3 is still o n l e v e l 3. (Confused eh!) Can't t hey just get shot of t h e m a n d replace t h e m w i t h s o m e escalators? Yours (still on level 2), Spenser Lane, SCC Chairman.

Congratulations Jean-Francoise Lucas. Y o u r piece o n t h e joys of a c c o u n t a n c y h a d us i n fits, a n d w h a t a k i l l e r of a last line; '...but w h e n the social life starts...well...I'll l e a v e that up to y o u to find out!' E r , it was a j o k e wasn't it? L o n g live A r t h u r P u t e y , s o r r y , A n d e r s e n . Yours from a favourable tax position in mezzanine finance with due regard to leveraged buy-outs, and don't forget to remit your blocked funds, Stef Kukula, RA Aeronautics.

1 0

cal..... - Organised by SciFi Soc. Ballroom Bronze Medal

T o t a l

2 2 0

Yoga.. Southside Gym. Cricket Nets « at 7.45pm in Mech Eng Foyer, Must ' ' 8 whites,

L o r d s

) r

W F T I l V F ' S r i A V " I_ilyliILJl_//A. I P Southside Gym. Cycling Training Wargames - " welcome. Micro Club Meeting P Building. Every week.

K e e

F i t

a t

U D H

T o

K u n

B e i t

A r c n

f l o o r

c o r n e r

U n l o n

F u

Union Gym. Diving Swimming Pool.

hi Jiggle

what's o n AN

UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE T O EVENTS.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside Gym. Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Women's Team Kung Fu Club Union Gym. W u Shu Kwan.

THURSDAY Fencing Training Intermediate & advanced coaching. Balloon Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. YHA Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. Postgrad Lunch Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy. Fencing Training Beginners Training. FBI Soc Event Maths 139. Actuaries 'Bacon & Woodrow'. 'Religion & Science' Huxley 231. Prof Sir Herman Bondi speaks on a Huxleyian theme. Organised by Huxley Soc. Fencing Training General. Gliding Club Meeting Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l newcomers welcome. 'Love in the Lab' Haldane Library. Jo Shapcock reads her poetry and discusses science and art. Organised by Haldane Library. Keep Fit.. Southside Gym Midweek Service Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy. New Beginners Ballroom JCR. Judo Union Gym. Improvers Ballroom JCR. Valentines Day Party Linstead Hall Bar. Intermediate Ballroom JCR. Southside Disco Southside Bar. ICC AG Soup Run Meet Weeks Hall Basement to take food to London's homeless. ANNOUNCMENTS • G O T A N Y free t i m e ? P e o p l e n e e d e d to talk to p e n s i o n e r s i n Sth K e n a r e a . C o n t a c t C a r o l i n e C r u t t w e l l , B i o c h e m 3. • F B I r e n e z v o u s i s i n M a t h s 1 3 9 at 1 2 . 3 0 p m o n T h u r s d a y 14 Feb. T h e p a s s w o r d is A c t u a r i e s — B a c o n W o o d r o w . • B A D M I N T O N — l o o k at n o t i c e b o a r d for r e v i s e d t i m e t a b l e . T h e c o m m i t t e e w o u l d like to a p o l o g i s e for i n c o n v e n i e n c e d u e to non-availability of G r e a t Hail. • F B I S o c el ecti ons o n W e d n e s d a y 2 0 F e b at 12.30 i n M a t h s 340.

FOR SALE • S H E L F dividers—50p each from Monica in Development O f f i c e (3044). • T E C H N I C S amp. SU-V450, 45 watts R M S . G o o d condition. S100. Ian P e x t o n 071-370 6201. • N I K K O R A F 3 5 0 - 7 0 m m . L e n s t o fit N i k o n A F a n d M F c a m e r a s . E x c e l c o n d . £70. A n d r e a s 081-961 5703.

•

Suffering Dear Andy, Hmm, interesting...Sorry, just i m a g i n i n g the n e x t F e l i x c o m p a r e d to this o n e I'm l o o k i n g at n o w (891). I m e a n , t h e e d i t o r i a l ; it seems to be s a y i n g that y o u 'aint too p l e a s e d w i t h these C h r i s t i a n types s h o o t i n g off at the m o u t h w i t h o p i n i o n s a n d things what t hey b e l i e v e i n and y o u don't. F u n n y o l d t h i n g , but looks to m e l i k e most of the letters page is p e o p l e letting fire w i t h t h e i r o w n o p i n i o n s , s a y i n g w h o ' s right a n d w h o ' s w r o n g . I m e a n , take that A t h e n a t h i n g (can't say b l o k e o r s o m e s u c h o n a c c o u n t of it b e i n g too s c a r e d to g i v e its name): must be into t h o u s a n d s of w o r d s of o p i n i o n b y n o w . If I was editor I'd be getting a bit t i r e d of it. B u t y o u don't p i c k o n it, y o u p i c k o n a c o u p l e of C h r i s t i a n s instead. S e r i o u s l y t h o u g h , I don't see a n y consistency i n y o u r c o m p l a i n t s . Af t er a l l , a g o o d p o r t i o n of F e l i x is o p i n i o n (thankfully: p u r e facts are so boring!) so y o u can't really p i c k o n o n e , e v e n if y o u don't l i k e it a n d / o r the w a y it's presented. Y e t y o u r i p into C a r r i e e x p l a i n i n g her v i e w s o n a b o r t i o n w i t h great v i m a n d v i g o u r (at least she gave y o u a n a r g u m e n t , rather t h a n a n o p i n i o n l i k e — f o r i n s t a n c e — a l l v e g g i e s are a 'miserable i l l s h o w e r ' (quoting A l a n Bailey). She also m a d e it c l e a r it w a s h e r o w n p e r s o n a l belief. N o r w e r e y o u overtolerant of D a v i d ' s letter ('if y o u can't a n s w e r h i s / h e r questions', y o u said, i n

y o u r rant) w h e n o n e w i t h s i m i l a r failings b y M r P e n d r a g o n i n the p r e v i o u s issue went without comment. In short y o u h a v e t w o o p t i o n s : accept that a n y o n e c a n say what t h e y l i k e i n o p i n i o n areas of F e l i x , or b a n a n y o n e f r o m h a v i n g o p i n i o n s at a l l . T h e former w o u l d m e a n y o u ' d have to stop p i c k i n g o n Christians (and others), the latter w o u l d p r o b a b l y get y o u o n g o o d terms w i t h H i s Rectorness... Finally, I k n o w Christians have a long history of p e r s e c u t i o n (it's a c t u a l l y g o o d for y o u : ' B l e s s e d are y o u w h e n y o u suffer insults a n d p e r s e c u t i o n for m y s a k e ' (Matthew 5:11) but I'd rather get m y blessings i n a w a y that m e a n t y o u w e r e n ' t storing u p trouble for yourself). If y o u want to c o n t i n u e it that's y o u r business. Yours awkwardly, Andy Cooksley, Physics 3. P.S. F o r the r e c o r d , yes I a m (another) Christian. P.P.S. N o , I h a v e n ' t s h o v e d the gospel d o w n y o u r n e c k , n o r d o I i n t e n d to d r a g the entire F e l i x staff into t h e nearest c h u r c h . If y o u w a n t to k n o w about C h r i s t i a n i t y , t h e r e are a n o u g h C h r i s t i a n groups i n c o l l e g e for y o u to go a n d talk to. A t least t h e n there's a c h a n c e for a r e a l time a r g u m e n t (on those lines, if a n y o n e w a n t s to c o m e b a c k to m e o n this, d r o p m e a line v i a t h e P h y s i c s pigeonholes).

Art and Money Dear Andy, In the (hopefully) last blast of the arts subsidy debate, I w i l l attempt to a n s w e r the points I either (a) forgot, o r (b) didn't m a k e clear e n o u g h i n m y last r e p l y . 1. Don't be s i l l y, A l a n . Of course arts aren't the o n l y subsidised leisure activity. L o o k at sports centres a n d t r a i n i n g courses subsidised b y l o c a l g o v e r n m e n t . T h e y exist. I k n o w because I've b e e n in/on them. 2. A r e n ' t w e a c l e v e r b u n n y , A l a n (pass the shampoo..)? T a k i n g a q u o t e out of context is just about the oldest trick i n the book. W h a t I w a s i m p l y i n g b y that statement w a s that p e o p l e just don't t h i n k about the theatre as a possibility. A p a t h y rather t h a n a n t i p a t h y . 3. A l a n asks w h y w e d o n ' t solely p r o d u c e m u s i c a l s etc. This is just l i k e a s k i n g w h y T V doesn't s h o w g a m e s h o w s

all the time. T h e y m a y be p o p u l a r , but t he y a r e i n t e l l e c t u a l p o p c o r n , fun, but w i t h n o n u t r i t i o n a l v a l u e . T h i s is r e a l l y o u r f u n d e m e n t a l differance. A l a n believes that m o n e y is a l l i m p o r t a n t . I l i k e to t h i n k that there is m o r e to t h e w a y w e live o u r t h a n that. 4. G o o d a n d sucessful are not s y n o n m y s . It is a n unf o r t unat e fact of life that s o m e t i m e s the trash suceeds. L o o k at the sucess of K y l i e M i n o g u e . . . 5. I, a n d e v e r y o n e else, c a l l e d A l a n a bigot for o n e g o o d r e a s o n . It's the best word. A s for the rest of M r . B a i l e y ' s c o m m e n t s , all I c a n say is that he is steadily d e s t r o y i n g w h a t s m a l l c r e d i b i l i t y he o n c e had. Yours finally, Pendragon (aka Adam Tinworth)

Editorial I'm sure y o u ' v e all h e a r d the a n a l o g y w h e r e y o u i m a g i n e life as a b i g r o l l e r coaster, w i t h y o u s t r a p p e d in the front car. Roller-coasters, b y t h e i r n a t u r e , t e n d to go up a n d , er, d o w n quite a bit, thus r e p r e s e n t i n g life's successes a n d , er, little (?) p r o b l e m s . A l l fairly s i m p l e stuff. W h a t the a n a l o g y doesn't t e n d to c o v e r is w h a t happens w h e n the t r a c k s finish i n mid-air... Disaster. D e p r e s s i o n . A n d E x a m s . It's b e e n one of those weeks...First t w o of the section editors resign due to the pressure of their courses. I've got e x a m s , so I haven't b e e n able to do as m u c h as I s h o u l d to m a k e up for this loss, a n d , as a n y astute r e a d e r s m a y h a v e realised, F e l i x is not as b i g as it u s u a l l y is. T h e r e are s e v e r a l reasons for this, but the m a i n one is o u r p r i n t i n g press. It's b r o k e n . B a d l y . O r it w a s , but due to the superh e r o i c efforts of A n d y a n d C h r i s , it is no longer. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , it w a s b r o k e n for l o n g e n o u g h to t o t a l ly t h r o w our p r i n t i n g s c h e d u l e into a n orbit of U r s a M i n o r , thus c a u s i n g the s m a l l e r e d i t i o n y o u n o w h o l d . A l l these factors, c o m b i n e d w i t h s o m e p e r s o n a l ones (from w h i c h I w i l l spare y o u , as I'm s u c h a g e n e r o u s guy) have c o m b i n e d to g i v e m e the feeling that the t r a c k has definitely s t o p p e d (but the car I'm i n didn't). T o top it a l l off, the latest issue of Legends of the Dark Knight (a B a t m a n c o m i c w h i c h has b e e n u n i f o r m l y e x c e l l e n t for months) is c r a p . So, t i m e for s o m e m e d a l a w a r d i n g . A s n o t e d a b o v e , I haven't d o n e m u c h for

F e l i x this w e e k . T h u s a l l the r e m a i n i n g staff d e s e r v e a massive r o u n d of gratuitous b a c k - s l a p p i n g , for b e i n g i n c r e d i b l y s t u p i d a n d d o i n g loads m o r e w o r k t h a n t h e y s h o u l d h a v e to do. A n d y a n d Rose, of course, have b e e n b r i l l i a n t . C h r i s n o w r a n k s alongside B a t m a n a n d L o b o i n m y e s t i m a t i o n of super heroness, a n d A d a m T. deserves e v e r y a w a r d I c a n g i v e h i m , but h e ' l l have to w a i t until I'm Prime Minister. T h i n g s that a n n o y me. Q u i t e a bit. T h e s e are not u n r e l a t e d to the above... E x a m s : A t s o m e point i n m y life s o m e o n e w i l l e x p l a i n to m e just w h y sitting in a large, i n t i m i d a t i n g hall, s u r r o u n d e d b y n e r v o u s p e o p l e a n d t r y i n g to r e m e m b e r facts a n d t h e o r i e s that y o u ' r e s u p p o s e d to h a v e m e m o r i s e d (even t h o u g h , in a job i n v o l v i n g t h e m , y o u ' d be able to l o o k t h e m up) gives C o l l e g e a n d thus po t e nt i al e m p l o y e r s a g o o d i n d i c a t i o n of y o u r a c a d e m i c abilities. A t least t h e y c o u l d let y o u take i n y o u r notes a n d / o r t e x t b o o k s . A f t e r a l l , the a b i l i t y to find the r e l e v a n t piece of i n f o r m a t i o n f r o m s u c h sources is just as i m p o r t a n t to y o u i n r e a l life t h a n the a b i l i t y to r e m e m b e r it, if not m o r e so (you c a n a l w a y s l o o k it up a g a i n , in r e a l life). Y e s , I'm a w a r e that the usual r e p l y to this is that e x a m s p r o v i d e a n abstract scale to m e a s u r e p e o p l e against, etc, etc, but w h y not p r o v i d e a m o r e realistic scale? Staff: T w o of the best staff F e l i x has have h a d to g i v e up their posts, because of college w o r k . This is b a s i c a l l y because

t h e y ' d b e e n h a v i n g to do so m u c h for F e l i x . T h i s i n t u r n is b e c a u s e not e n o u g h p e o p l e c o m e i n to help us! In the last few w e e k s there have b e e n s o m e h i c c u p s w i t h the d i s t r i b u t i o n o n F r i d a y m o r n i n g (my fault). P e o p l e have c o m e in or r u n g u p to find o u t w h a t h a p p e n e d . T h e letters p a g e n o r m a l l y gets at least o n e letter e a c h w e e k c o m p l a i n i n g about s o m e t h i n g to do w i t h the c o n t e n t etc of F e l i x . T h i s is great, I l o v e t o k n o w w h a t p e o p l e t h i n k , a n d that p e o p l e miss F e l i x w h e n it's late. B u t (BIG but), for w h o e v e r ' s sake, if y o u are interested, c o m e i n a n d g i v e us a h a n d ! (please!) Credits T y p e s e t t i n g & Printing: Rose a n d A n d y News E d i t o r : A n n a T e e m a n A r t s E d i t o r & Night W a t c h m a n : A d a m Features E d i t o r : R o l a n d Music Editor: J o h n F u r l o n g Photo E d i t o r a n d D i s t r i b u t i o n : R i c h a r d T h e T e a m : Stef, J a m e s , Ian, T o b y , M a t t Jarman and pseudonymed reviewers. Collaters: I C S F - S t e v e n , Stephen, P a u l , R e b e c c a , N i c k , A l e x a n d t h e Ghostbusters. H e r o e s f r o m last w e e k ' s B a t t l e of the Collating M a c h i n e - James, Steven, Nick, Jeremy and Chris.

F e l i x is p r o d u c e d for a n d o n b e h a l f of the

Imperial

C o l l e g e U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d a n d is p r i n t e d at the Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n Print Unit, P r i n c e C o n s o r t R o a d . L o n d o n S W 7 2 B B (Tel 0 7 1 - 2 2 5 8672). Editor: A n d r e w Butcher, Manager: Chris Stapleton. Business Manager: J e r e m y B u r n e l l . Copyright F e l i x 1991 ISSN

1040-0711

Next week is the ...

Valentine Special So if you're a romantic, loving, caring individual, or even if you're a 'real' man/women, or even just for the hell of it:

SAY IT WITH FELIX Write a personal message to the one you love/want to love/whatever, and FELIX will make sure that he/she/it sees it (as well as about 6,000 other people). All messages to the FELIX office, Beit Quad by Tuesday the 11th.

And...on March the 1st it's the

Travel Special And as we at the FELIX office are all too poor to go anywhere nice, we'd like you to give us a hand. If you've travelled anywhere in the last year, write an article for US become famous! Deadline for submissions 1pm Monday 25th February

icsf Exploration Geology for the 1990's (In the petroleum

and mining

Friday 22nd

industries)

February-

Geology Department, Sutton Lecture Theatre (starts 10 am)