/1991_0898_A

Cover: Captain Britain in T h e Knights of Pendragon' Interviewed: Dan Abnett, writer of the 'Knights of Pendragon' pi2,13

M Obituary

Lord Penney

L o r d P e n n e y , O M , K B E , F R S , c r e a t o r of the B r i t i s h a t o m b o m b a n d R e c t o r of I m p e r i a l b e t w e e n 1967 a n d 1973, d i e d o n M a r c h 3 r d of this y e a r , a g e d 8 1 .

W i l l i a m P e n n y w a s o n e of t h e most outstanding mathematicians a n d physicists of his g e n e r a t i o n . In 1944 he t r a v e l l e d to A m e r i c a to w o r k a n the M a n h a t t a n project; the project c u l m i n a t e d i n the i n v e n t i o n of the W o r l d ' s first a t o m b o m b .

In 1947 L o r d P e n n e y w a s put i n c h a r g e of t h e d e v e l o p m e n t of a B r i t i s h a t o m b o m b . A c c o r d i n g to the I n d e p e n d e n t N e w s p a p e r , he w a s 'an a c t i v e a n d i n s p i r i n g l e a d e r ' d u r i n g a t o m i c testing i n A u s t r a l i a i n t h e e a r l y 1950's. O v e r t h i r t y y e a r s later a n A u s t r a l i a n R o y a l C o m m i s s i o n i n v e s t i g a t i n g the t e s t i n g h e a r d e v i d e n c e that the tests h a d b e e n unsafe. W h e n q u e s t i o n e d b y the commission L o r d Penney acknowledged that he h a d d e v i s e d a w a y of m i s l e a d i n g A u s t r a l i a n scientists about the r a d i a t i o n l e v e l s a n n u c l e a r dust c l o u d s , p r o v i d i n g t h e m w i t h s a m p l e s that w e r e a f e w d a y s o l d , so that s o m e of the s h o r t - l i v e d k e y isotopes h a d d e c a y e d .

L o r d Penney was appointed chairman of the U n i t e d K i n g d o m A t o m i c E n e r g y A u t h o r i t y ( U K E A E A ) i n 1964. O n his r e t i r e m e n t f r o m the U K E A E A i n 1967 he w a s a p p o i n t e d r e c t o r of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e .

In 1935 L o r d P e n n e y m a r r i e d his first wife A d e l e E l m s , w h o d i e d in 1944. T h e y h a d t w o sons. H e m a r r i e d a g a i n i n 1945, to J o a n Q u e n n e l .

Illegal A n e w student broadsheet, d i s t r i b u t e d a r o u n d I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e c a m p u s this w e e k , is i l l e g al. T h e o n e p a g e first e d i t i o n of ' T h e F r e e S t u d e n t ' fails to i n c l u d e the p r i n t e r ' s n a m e , thus c o n t r a v e n i n g p u b l i s h i n g l a w . T h e F r e e Student is p u b l i s h e d u n d e r the auspices of the C o n s e r v a t i v e P a r t y a n d is b a s e d at P a r t y H e a d q u a r t e r s S m i t h Street.

T h e Y o u t h c o - o r d i n a t o r at C o n s e r v a t i v e he adquar t e r s d e s c r i b e d the o m i s s i o n of the p r i n t e r ' s n a m e as a n ' e r r o r ' . H e refused to release the t e l e p h o n e n u m b e r of the editor of 'The F r e e Student', R o b M a r v e n . T h e Y o u t h c o - o r d i n a t o r d i d not w a n t t h e g e n t l e m a n c o n c e r n e d 'pestered'.

H e t h e n c l a i m e d that he h a d o v e r a l l e d i t o r i a l r e s p o n s i b i l i t y for the p u b l i c a t i o n e v e n t h o u g h his n a m e d i d not a p p e a r o n the credits.

T h e p u b l i c a t i o n states that it a i m s to p r o m o t e ' i n d i v i d u a l f r e e d o m of c h o i c e ' a n d to 'fight against s o c i a l i s m i n colleges across the c o u n t r y ' . A c c o r d i n g to a s o u r c e at T o r y H Q the ' C o n s e r v a t i v e Students' b a s e d the t a b l o i d format of ' F r e e Student' o n the left of c e n t r e p u b l i c a t i o n s .

2

Hustings Hassle The Sabbatical candidates w e r e given a r o u g h ride at t h e St M a r y ' s hustings. T h e candidates a r r i v e d at the M e d i c a l School's u n i o n just at the close of a h a p p y h o u r o n M o n d a y e v e n i n g . O n e c a n d i d a t e said 'It w a s l i k e h o l d i n g hustings i n the m i d d l e of a R C S b e e r festival'.

Despite I m p e r i a l U n i o n H o n o r a r y Secretary M u r r a y W i l l i a m s o n explaining the p u r p o s e of the m e e t i n g to a s s e m b l e d students, c a n d i d a t e s w e r e h e c k l e d w i t h calls of ' W h a t are y o u d o i n g here?'. O n e c a n d i d a t e w a s sufficiently o f f e n d ed b y the h e c k l i n g to l o d g e a n official c o m p l a i n t with Imperial College Union.

M u r r a y W i l l i a m s o n said that hustings at St M a r y ' s n e x t y e a r are u n l i k e l y . H e stated that the o n l y reason hustings w e r e

h e l d i n past y e a r s at St M a r y ' s w a s because Imperial's w e r e s c h e d u l e d o v e r lunch-times. H e t ho ug h t that n e x t y e a r there w o u l d be o n e e v e n i n g hustings o n the I m p e r i a l c a m p u s .

T h i s year's hustings at I m p e r i a l w e r e o n T h u r s d a y 7th M a r c h i n the J C R . V o t i n g takes place o n t h e 11th a n d 12th M a r c h i n all d e p a r t m e n t s .

C a n d i d a t e s s t a n d i n g for the S a b b a t i c a l posts of I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n are as follows: President Zoe Hellinger, A d r i a n Johnson, Spenser L a n e , M i c h a e l N e w m a n D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t J o n a t h a n Griffiths Honorary Secretary Steve Farrant Felix Editor A d a m Harrington

Access Students s h o u l d start r e c e i v i n g m o n e y f r o m the A c c e s s F u n d s o o n . T h e fund stands at o v e r a q u a r t e r of a m i l l i o n p o u n d s . M r C u l l e n , in o v e r a l l c h a r g e of m o n e y d i s t r i b u t i o n , has p r o c e s s e d a l l a p p l i c a t i o ns f r o m u n d e r g r a d u a t e s l i v i n g in hall or in c o l l e g e a c c o m m o d a t i o n .

T o m o r r o w he w i l l m a k e t h e first request for a p p r o p r i a t e c h e q u e s to be issued b y the college finance s e c t i o n .

M r C u l l e n i n t e n d s to p r o c e s s the r e m a i n i n g a p p l i c a t i o n s , t w o t h i r d s of the five h u n d r e d t o t a l , b y the e n d of t e r m .

T h e first c h e q u e s , a c c o r d i n g to M r C u l l e n , w i l l be issued w i t h i n the w e e k .

Garden Fire

Rent Scandal Residents of m a n y of the c o l l e g e halls w i l l h a v e to p a y full rent o v e r the Easter v a c a t i o n , or e m p t y their r o o m s . Last y e a r students w e r e c h a r g e d o n l y a w e e k ' s rent to be able to l e a v e b e l o n g i n g s i n t h e i r r o o m s . H a l l s affected are S o u t h s i d e , Linstead, Beit , Garden, W e e k s and Evelyn Gardens.

T h e w a r d e n s w e r e not c o n s u l t e d or f o r e w a r n e d a b o u t this d r a m a t i c c h a n g e in college accommodation policy. Whether the d e c i s i o n w a s t a k e n b y t h e college a c c o m m o d a t i o n or b y a separate college d e p a r t m e n t is u n c l e a r at the m o m e n t .

T h e c o l l e g e authorities h a v e m a d e the L i n s t e a d b a s e m e n t a v a i l a b l e for s t o r a g e of students possessions. T h e pre-paid i n s u r a n c e o n l y c o v e r s loss u p to ÂŁ150 a n d for i n c r e a s e d c o v e r students w o u l d h a v e to p a y t h e i r o w n p r e m i u m .

O n e L i n s t e a d resident s a i d 'I don't t h i n k I s h o u l d be p e n a l i s e d for the sake of c o l l e g e m a k i n g a fast b u c k ' . U n i o n President, P a u l S h a n l e y , a d v i s e d students 'not to m a k e a r r a n g e m e n t s to m o v e out u n t i l the s i t u a t i o n has b e e n c l a r i f i e d b y officials w i t h i n the a c c o m m o d a t i o n sector.'

RCS Increases ScrapMetal Stockpile

m

T h e F i r e B r i g a d e w e r e c a l l e d out to G a r d e n H a l l , last M o n d a y , w h e n a fire w a s r e p o r t e d i n one of the k i t c h e n areas.

A t about 1 0 . 3 0 a m , a m i c r o w a v e , w h i c h w a s not b e i n g u s e d at the t i m e , burst into flames.

The housekeeper, Margaret Gaskin, i m m e d i a t e l y left her office i n W e e k s H a l l a n d e x t i n g u i s h e d the fire. S o o n afterwards, t h r e e fire e n g i n e s a r r i v e d , but w e r e not r e q u i r e d . Despite a l a r m s , the hall was not c o m p l e t e l y e v a c u a t e d .

T h e r e c e n t l y refitted k i t c h e n w i l l n o w h a v e to be r e d e c o r a t e d a g a i n . T h e assistant W a r d e n , D r . Ian Metcalfe, said that there h a d b e e n a 'fair a m o u n t of damage'.

Anti-War J e r e m y C o r b e n , L a b o u r M P , s p o k e at a n anti-war m e e t i n g at I m p e r i a l o n T u e s d a y .

The meeting was organised by Imperial C o l l e g e A n t i - W a r Society.

F o r t y students listened to M r C o r b e n as he o u t l i n e d b o t h his thoughts' o n the Gulf W a r a n d the r e c e nt cease-fire. M r C o r b e n felt that it w a s l i k e l y the p e a c e m o v e m e n t w o u l d be fighting for the w i t h d r a w a l of t r o o p s a y e a r f r o m n o w .

M r C o r b e n a n s w e r e d students' questions i n c l u d i n g w h y he r e m a i n e d a L a b o u r m e m b e r since he w a s d i a m e t r i c a l l y o p p o s e d to his leadership's stance o n the Gulf. M r C o r b e n r e p l i e d that i f ' h e r e s i g n e d it w o u l d r e d u c e y e t further P a r l i a m e n t a r y ' o p p o s i t i o n ' to the w a r .

A student w h o a t t e n d e d t h e m e e t i n g d e s c r i b e d the e n s u i n g d i s c u s s i o n o n m a n y aspects of the conflict as ' c o n s t r u c t i v e ' .

S p a n n e r a n d B o l t , the C i t y a n d G u i l d s C o l l e g e U n i o n mascots, h a v e b e e n t a k e n b y t w o m e m b e r s of the R o y a l C o l l e g e Of S c i e n c e U n i o n . T h e mascots w e r e present for the C & G U 4 0 t h A n n u a l E n g i n e e r s ' B a l l at the P a r k L a n e H o t e l .

Guilds m a s c o t bearers, T i m N e w t o n S m i t h a n d K a r l E d w i n , h a d left S p a n n e r a n d B o l t w i t h H o t e l Staff u n d e r the assurance that t h e y w o u l d be totally safe.

W i t h a n u n u s u a l display of c u n n i n g , t w o m e m b e r s of R C S M a s c o t r y a p p r o a c h e d the s e c u r i ty d e s k at the P a r k L a n e H o t e l , a n d c l a i m e d that t h e y w e r e Guilds, a n d w a n t e d to p i c k up t h e i r m a s c o t s .

A f t e r r e c e i v i n g the m a s c o t s t h e y w e r e able to l e a v e t h e hotel s e e m i n g l y unchallenged.

S p u r r e d o n b y their r e c e n t success the R o y a l C o l l e g e Of Science U n i o n m a s c o t r y t e a m y e s t e r d a y a c q u i r e d t h e U C L mascot, ' P h i n e a s M a c L i n o ' , a six foot tall, unattractive, Highlander. M a n y people w e r e i n v o l v e d , m a i n l y due to the interest g e n e r a t e d b y the events of t h e p r e v i o u s weekend.

C & G U w e r e p h i l o s o p h i c a l a b o u t t h e i r loss.

'It has got its p l u s sides; it is p o t e n t i a l l y a g o o d o p p o r t u n i t y to raise m o n e y a n d to get m o r e F r e s h e r s i n v o l v e d ' . U C L w e r e u n a m u s e d b y y e s t e r day 's i n c i d e n t ; o n e U C L student stated that t h e r e h a d b e e n no m a s c o t r y a c t i v i t y at U C L for the last t w e n t y y e a r s . U C L are r u m o u r e d to h a v e i n f o r m e d the P o l i c e .

3

9 FELIX

Viewpoint

Do you prefer boxer shorts or y-fronts and are you going to vote in the sabbatical elections?

Kerry: • Y - f r o n t s are a r e a l turn-off—they're bulgy, horrible and very unsexy.

• W h a t ' s a sabbatical?

Sarah: • B o x e r s h o r t s — y o u c a n get at it m o r e

• B o x e r s h o r t s , b e c a u s e y-fronts l o o k l i k e sausages i n a s a c — a l l l u m p y a n d squidgy.

• W h a t s a b b a t i c a l elections?

easily.

• W h a t elections?

• i

if:

Mike: Oily: Jez: • Prefer b o x e r shorts for l o o k s a n d c o m f o r t a l t h o u g h at t i m e s t h e y c a n b e uncomfortable.

• W h a t are those? O h , t h e y ' r e s o m e t h i n g to do w i t h t h e U n i o n a r e n ' t they?

• B o x e r shorts; p a i s l e y y-fronts w o u l d l o o k stupid w o u l d n ' t they?

• W h a t are sabbaticals? W h i c h elections?

W h e r e is IC? W h o a m I?

• B o x e r s h o r t s b e c a u s e t h e y g i v e the f r e e d o m that o n e r e q u i r e s . . . u n r e s t r i c t e d access (can get y o u r h a n d d o w n y o u r ' c a c k s ' w i t h o u t too m u c h hassle).

• N o I'm n o t g o i n g to v o t e b e c a u s e I h a v e no a r m s ! ? !

George's Diary

So, W h a t D i d Y o u D o Last Summer?

T h e s c e n e : IC's p a r t y t i m e o n F r i d a y night, y o u ' r e dressed to k i l l a n d y o u ' v e Monday 25 Feb finally m a n a g e d to m a n o e u v r e today's l o v e interest into c h e c k - m a t e . O u c h ! It's W e n t to see K i n d e r g a r t e n C o p at F u l h a m small-talk t i m e ! B u t this is n o t F r e s h e r s ' R o a d c i n e m a w i t h H e n r y . C o u p l e of pints W e e k — n o m o r e feeble ' A ' L e v e l / S c h o o l in t h e Goat i n B o o t s first, y o u just k n o w t h e y w o n ' t stay quiet a n d w e b o t h h a d t o inquisitions h e r e . T h i s is t h e a d v a n c e d session; l o n g silences a n d hesitant go for a piss half w a y t h r o u g h t h e f i l m. questions p r e f i x e d b y t h e u b i q u i t o u s 'so'.

'So...what d i d y o u d o last s u m m e r ? ' T h e r e — i t ' s out. T h e q u e s t i o n hangs Out w i t h H e n r y , m e t a f e w mates o n t h e b e t w e e n y o u l i k e D a m a c l e s ' s w o r d . Does w a y . S o u t h s i d e , U n i o n , legless. T r i e d to an i n a p p r o p r i a t e a n s w e r i m p l y d o o m ? D o c o m e o n to a p r e t t y b l a c k girl b u t got p u t y o u a n s w e r t r u t h f u l l y a b o u t that b a r j o b d o w n s e v e r e l y . H e n r y w e n t b a c k to a in t h e P i g a n d W h i s t l e ? D o y o u l i e mate's house for a s m o k e . I w a s feeling outright? ( Wel l, a c t u a l l y I p i l o t e d R i c h a r d r a n d y so d e c i d e d to c a l l o n N a d i n e , a n B r a n s o n ' s p r i v a t e hot a i r balloon). O r d o A m e r i c a n g i r l I k e e p t r y i n g to seduce. y o u t a k e t h e 'truth plus' e m b e l i s h m e n t She didn't s e e m to m i n d b e i n g k n o c k e d path? up at 1 2 . 4 5 a m .

It's e m b a r r a s s i n g isn't it? W h y s h o u l d

Friday 1st March

' H i , N a d i n e , it's George.'

'George, w h a t a r e y o u d o i n g here?'

'I w a s o n m y w a y h o m e f r o m t h e U n i o n , I just thought I'd c a l l o n y o u . D o y o u m i n d — w h a t t i m e is it?..Quarter to o n e — s o r r y . I didn't w a k e y o u u p d i d I?'

y o u h a v e to e m b e l i s h i n t h e first place?

P r o b a b l y t h e P i g a n d W h i s t l e w a s a l l that w a s a v a i l a b l e i n t h e last w e e k s of J u l y , w h e n y o u f i n a l l y r e s i g n e d y o u r s e l f to l o o k i n g for s u m m e r w o r k . Isn't there anything more rewarding?

'No, w e ' r e a l w a y s u p . M y brother's here, he's s t y i n g till T h u r s d a y . ' S o n o s e x tonight. S h e p r o m i s e d to p h o n e so I w e n t quietly.

H o w about getting a j o b l i n e d u p b e f o r e Easter? W h y n o t b e p r e p a r e d this y e a r ; set y o u r s e l f a p a r t f r o m t h e c r o w d ?

P e r h a p s y o u h a v e a s p i r a t i o n s to r u n y o u r o w n business s o m e day? D o y o u r o w n s t r a w p o l l a m o n g s t peers; I'll b e t 9 5 % s a y they've considered r u n n i n g their o w n business s o m e d a y , y e t p r o b a b l y n o m o r e than 5 % will have considered h o w they m i g h t a c h i e v e that a i m . If b y this stage y o u ' r e t h i n k i n g : o w n business? S u m m e r w o r k l i n e d u p b y Easter? W o r k w i t h

Saturday 2nd Out w i t h T i m a n d a c o u p l e of A m e r i c a n girls. O n e , M e l a n i e , n o t i c e d o u r v i d e o , Tits and Clits. T h e n t h e c o n v e r s a t i o n m o v e d to a n o t h e r f i lm a n d w h e t h e r J o h n H o l m e s h a d got his w h o l e c o c k u p s o m e girl. 'It w a s this l o n g ' , M e l a n i e insisted,'and s h e o n l y t o o k about this m u c h of it!' (about a third).

' Y e a h , w e l l I live across t h e r o a d t o o , a n d w e c o m e i n here e v e r y w e e k , m a y b e t w o times a w e e k ! I tell y o u w e w o n ' t b e c o m i n g i n a g a i n if y o u d o n ' t s e r v e us now.'

But he didn't w a n t o u r c u s t o m , I left quietly. That's t h e last t i m e w e go i n there t h o u g h . '

Sunday 3rd C o m p i l e d a list of c o u r s e w o r k s a n d w h e n t h e y w e r e d u e . I just c o u l d n ' t face it, w e n t d o w n t h e p u b w i t h H e n r y for a l u n c h t i m e session.

c o c k t a i l - c r e d i b i l i t y ? (i.e. g o o d for s m a l l talk) y o u m a y b e i n t e r e s t e d to k n o w a little bit m o r e about m y s u m m e r w o r k .

I've spent t h e last t w o s u m m e r s w o r k i n g i n A m e r i c a for t h e S o u t h w e s t e r n P u b l i s h i n g C o m p a n y . In 1989 I w a s o n a sales i n t e r n s h i p , w h e r e I r a n m y o w n business, m a r k e t i n g s c h o o l b o o k s . I t u r n e d o v e r a b o u t $10,000 i n t h e s u m m e r . Last s u m m e r I w a s p r o m o t e d a n d r a n a five m a n t e a m as a student m a n a g e r r e s p o n s i b l e for $26,000 of business. T h i s y e a r I s h a l l b e w o r k i n g w i t h o t h e r m a n a g e r s a n d about fifteen students.

A s m y business has g r o w n , so has m y experience a n d confidence. A n d not only c a n I discuss b y business interests i n t h e US at c o c k t a i l p a r t i e s — i t a l s o m a k e s for interesting conversation w i t h potential employers.

After all, h o w m a n y other m i l k r o u n d c a n d i d a t e s h a v e r u n t h e i r o w n business a n d m a d e a profit?

Last s u m m e r , t h e t o p first y e a r (with S o u t h w e s t e r n ) m a d e $20,516. T h e a v e r a g e first y e a r m a d e a r o u n d $3,500.

A n d s o m e m a d e n o m o n e y ; that's t h e r e a l w o r l d of business.

D o y o u feel a b o v e a v e r a g e ? D o y o u w a n t to set y o u r s e l f apart f r o m y o u r peers? W h a t a r e y o u g o i n g to d o this s u m m e r ? C o m e a l o n g to r o o m 542 i n M e c h E n g at 1 2 . 4 5 p m o n F r i d a y 8 t h M a r c h , o r t e l e p h o n e 071-701 0 7 8 6 a n d find o u t h o w y o u c o u l d i m p r o v e y o u r p a r t y talk.

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D i d n ' t go v e r y w e l l w i t h t h e girls, H H H B t instead w e w e n t for a n I n d i a n at t h e N e w I H H H H i H P A s i a i n E a r l ' s C o u r t . T h e y t o l d us t h e y w e r e closed. T h e n a c o u p l e of guys c a m e in b e h i n d us a n d got a t a b l e . I complained to the manager. ' H o w come y o u let these guys i n if y o u ' r e closed?' ' T h e y v e r y g o o d friends, l i v e t w o d o o r s away.'

FELIX

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Boring Lectures Column Dear Kylie, I a m i n l o v e w i t h y o u . C o m e to m y loins m y d a r l i n g , a n d let us m a k e l o v e .

H u h , 'I s h o u l d b e s o l u c k y ' . C o m e a n d 'Step b a c k i n t i m e ' w i t h m e . Please d o n ' t l e a v e m e w i t h 'tears o n m y p i l l o w ' . D o n ' t w o r r y , I w o n ' t h u r t y o u , I m e a n it's 'better t h e d e v i l y o u k n o w ' a n y w a y . ' H o w can 1 prove I really love y o u , love y o u ' m y d a r l i n g ? L e t m e taste that h o n e y e d

n u t t y t a n g e d zest of y o u r s .

'Kylie, Kylie, Y o u m a k e m e feel a l l s m i l e y ' I w a n t to s c r a t c h that b l o o d y H u t c h e n c e eyes out. H e ' s n o g o o d for y o u . H e l i k es v e i l s that a r e m i s t y , streets that a r e b l u e , a l m o n d l o o k s a n d s u i c i de b l o n d e s . 1 l o v e you.

Signed, Patrick

Pantry.

Jack & Harry & T h e i r Best F r i e n d Y o u c o u l d tell that y o u w e r e i n a comedy pub. The b a r m a n cracked a joke w h e n 1 o r d e r e d a soft d r i n k . H e didn't stop a l l e v e n i n g .

Look, I was on medication, O K ?

M e a n w h i l e , after an i n t r o stand-up c o m e d i a n g a v e us a little t i r a d e o n the London Underground and Saddam H u s s e i n ('Prepare to face t h e m o t h e r of all gaps, i n f i d e l swine...'), J a c k a n d H a r r y finally m a d e it o n stage. D o y o u r e m e m b e r t h e days w h e n y o u r parents watched 'buddy, buddy' comedians, who w e r e so e x c r u c i a t i n g l y b a d , y o u e n d e d up g o i n g a w a y to do s o m e t h i n g (anything) else? T h e s e t w o are s u p p o s e d l y 'failed' m e m b e r s of this c o m m u n i t y , b r o u g h t out of r e t i r e m e n t , a n d t h e y ' m i g h t be d o i n g s o m e n e w m a t e r i a l , a little bit later o n ' .

It's r a t h e r a g o o d p a r o d y , b u t for o n e slight slip u p . T h e y ' r e f u n n y . B o t h their jibes at these old-times v a r i e t y acts, a n d m o r e m o d e r n d a y issues hit the m a r k

Avalon

m o r e often t h a n not.

T h e a t m o s p h e r e of the v e n u e c e r t a i n l y h e l p e d , situated, as it w a s , a b o v e T h e O l d Coffee H o u s e (a pub). T h e c o m p a c t n e s s of the a u d i e n c e , a n d the r e g u l a r a l c o h o l b r e a k s (except for m e , as I w a s o n pepsi...) r e a l l y h e l p e d the e v e n i n g flow.

D i d the a u d i e n c e enjoy t h e m s e l v e s , m y lovies? T h e y d i d . A s for the friend (who does a n e x t e n d e d set), he w a s funny, but he's a different p e r s o n e a c h w e e k (if y o u see w h a t I mean), so there's not r e a l l y m u c h point r e v i e w i n g h i m , is there? M i n d y o u , for his purposes, w e w e r e a lousy audience...

F o r an intimate, cheap a n d good e v e n i n g ' s c o m e d y , y o u c o u l d do a lot w o r s e t h a n this. Oranje Boom Boom is f o u n d at 49 B e a k St, W l . Jack and Harry etc, is o n e v e r y T u e s d a y , w i t h D o o r s o p e n i n g at 8.30. Student t i c k e t s cost £2.50. T a k e y o u r U n i o n c a r d !

Pendragon

Grease M o s t p e o p l e r e m e m b e r the f i lm v e r s i o n of this p l a y , w h i c h started a m i n o r c r a z e i n the 70s. T h e o r i g i n a l stage p l a y h a d a h a r d e r edge, w h i c h has b e e n successfully t r a n s f e r e d to stage.

C h o r e o g r a p h e d b y a p r o f e s s i o n a l actress, it carries the a u d i e n c e a l o n g i n a w a v e of sheer e n t h u s i a s m .

T h e a m a t e u r cast rose to the c h a l l e n g e s u p e r b l y i n m o s t cases, a n d the ' T e e n A n g e l ' d r e a m s e q u e n c e is a c o m i c m a s t e r p i e c e . S u r e l y the cheapest m u s i c a l i n L o n d o n at t h e m o m e n t .

Grease is p l a y i n g at Q M W ' s Great H a l l , M i l e E n d R o a d t o d a y at 4 . 0 0 p m a n d 8 . 0 0 p m a n d tickets cost £2.50 o n the door. A w o p b o p a loo w o p a w o p b a m boom!

Penny.

S a m K r i c h i n s k y carne to A m e r i c a i n 1914. T h e n he c a m e to B a l t i m o r e .

It w a s the most b e a u t i f u l place he h a d seen i n his entire life. H e o b v i o u s l y hadn't b e e n a r o u n d m u c h , h a d he?

H e joins his b r o t h e r s . T h e y start a f a m i l y . T h e f a m i l y has its ups a n d d o w n s .

H e dies. T h i s has b e e n d o n e before. T h i s has b e e n d o n e better. F o r e x a m p l e : Parenthood w a s funnier, Hope and Glory h a d m o r e c h a r m a n d this has sentimentality.

T o g i v e the f i lm its d u e , it's beautifully a c t e d , the c i n e m a t o g r a p h y is s t u n n i n g o n o c c a s i o n s , a n d s o m e of the subplots are fairly i n t e r e s t i n g . B a r r y L e v i s o n , the d i r e c t o r , has d e s c r i b e d it as b e i n g d e r i v e d f r o m m e m o r i e s of stories t o l d b y his grandfather, a n d it s h o w s . T o o m u c h of it c o m e s across as a disjointed series of v a g u e l y r e l a t e d incidents. H i s o w n feelings s e e m to h a v e l e a k e d into the v e r y substance of the f i l m , l e a v i n g it a w a s h w i t h s e n t i m e n t a l i t y , but w i t h v e r y little of a n y r e a l substance. T h i s is not a great f i l m.

Pendragon.

Glasses A night o u t w a t c h i n g p o e t r y is not m a n y people's i d e a of a g o o d t i m e.

But w h e n the poet is J o h n H e g l e y , it's a different story.

A f t e r m a k i n g his n a m e o n the c o m e d y c i r c u i t , J o h n H e g l e y appears o n ITV's F r i d a y late n i g h t p o e t r y p r o g r a m m e a n d r e g u l a r l y i n t h e n a t i o n a l press. H e is n o w o n t o u r w i t h guitarist ' N i g e l ' .

His p e r f o r m a n c e w a s s h o r t a n d s h a r p , c o n c e n t r a t i n g o n m u n d a n e aspects of life, at the s a m e t i m e as k e e p i n g his a u d i e n c e i n hysterics. T h e m a t e r i a l w a s d e l i v e r e d in the s l o w , d e a d p a n m a n n e r of a s u i c i d a l depressive i n t e r s p a c e d w i t h bursts of e n e r g y a n d e m o t i o n i n the m i d d l e of a p o e m . T h i s , a l o n g w i t h v e r b a l attacks o n the a u d i e n c e , r e d u c e d most p e o p l e to

6

giggles.

H e said later y o u c a n a l w a y s a d d to s o m e t h i n g b y p u t t i n g h u m o u r i n . Most of his p o e m s w e r e w r i t t e n o n this basis, t h e y a t t a c k e d his subjects, i n p a r t i c u l a r his m a c h o b r o t h e r - i n - l a w w h o b e l i e v e d m e n don't d r i n k half pints.

T h e o n l y p o e m w h i c h c o n t a i n e d no h u m o u r at a l l w a s about his father's death. A f t e r h a v i n g m a d e us l a u g h at the w a y his father used to beat h i m , w h i c h left m a r k s c a l l e d ' s u p e r s u n b u r n ' , J o h n H e g l e y t r i e d to m a k e a m e n d s b y d e s c r i b i n g his father's last hours in a hospital bed. S e e m i n g e m b a r r a s s e d after this he q u i c k l y m o v e d o n , i g n o r i n g a p o i g n a n t m o m e n t in the m i d s t of the laughter.

I m p r o v i s a t i o n in the style of Whose Line is it Anyway w a s t r i e d , w i t h the a u d i e n c e c a l l i n g out subjects as cheese, fish a n d eggs to i n s p i r e p o e t r y . Not m u c h h u m o u r there I'm afraid.

T h i s w a s c e r t a i n a l y not a s t a n d a r d p o e t r y r e a d i n g , but at £2 for students it c a n be a n e n t e r t a i n i n g a n d o r i g i n a l evening's entertainment.

T h e P o e t r y S o c i e t y meets at 21 E a r l ' s C o u r t R o a d (Earl's C o u r t tube) o n T u e s d a y s a n d T h u r s d a y s . S p e a k e r s in the n e x t w e e k s i n c l u d e : G a v i n E w a r t w h o has s p o k e n at I m p e r i a l College, L e s M u r r a y well k n o w n A u s t r a l i a n poet a n d F r a n k Delaney.

Jonty.

The Godfather part III This is a v e r y d e p r e s s i n g f i l m. It is d e p r e s s i n g l y b a d . T h a t ' s a little harsh p e r h a p s — w h a t s h o u l d be said is that this part n e v e r m a t c h e s the p o w e r of the t w o p r e v i o u s Godfathers.

M i c h a e l C o r l e o n e (The Godfather) is n o w o l d a n d slightly h a g g a r d , he is a v e r y different m a n f r o m t h e confident a n d i n c r e a s i n g l y ruthless m e g a l o m a n i a c of the past. T h e plot is still c o n c e r n e d w i t h the l e g i t i m i s i n g of the f a m i l y business, as i n the s e c o n d f i l m . S o m e h o w M i c h a e l must d r a g the f a m i l y a n d , m o r e i m p o r t a n t l y , himself, out of the m i r e of v i o l e n c e , c r i m e a n d c o r r u p t i o n that is their past. W h e r e a s i n the s e c o n d film M i c h a e l is u n a b l e to stop the d e s t r u c t i o n of his p e r s o n a l w o r l d t h r o u g h his o w n actions, he is at last able to u n d e r s t a n d the chaos he has c r e a t e d a r o u n d himself.

T h e question C o p p o l a (the director) p r e s u m a b l y w a n t s the a u d i e n c e to ask t h e m s e l v e s is w h e t h e r M i c h a e l C o r l e o n e w i l l do it? C a n M i c h a e l escape f r o m his o w n history, to c a r v e out a n e w existence? M i c h a e l ' s r e d e m p t i o n (this is a m a n , r e m e m b e r , w h o w e n t so far that e v e n the m u r d e r of his o w n b r o t h e r , p o o r , pitiful F r e d o , s e e m e d l i k e a n a t u r a l

progression) lies i n his a b i l i t y to a c k n o w l e d g e his past a n d t h e n 'sin no m o r e ' . ' W h a t b e t r a y e d m e ? M y m i n d , or m y heart?' he asks i n d e s p e r a t i o n .

C o p p o l a also leads a n attack o n the V a t i c a n , i m p l i c a t i n g the c h u r c h w i t h the business w o r l d of the mafia. A t times the point is a little l a b o u r e d , a n d the c r u d e s k u l d u g g e r y rather h a r d to s w a l l o w — t h e V a t i c a n has m u c h m o r e subtle m e a n s of 'persuasion' .

A l P a c i n o leads the role of M i c h a e l C o r l e o n e . His p a r t l a c k s the beautiful serenity that c h a r a c t e r i s e d his roles in the p r e v i o u s films, a n d has d e v e l o p e d a B r a n d o e s q u e hoarseness in his v o i c e

Pacific Heights Pacific Heights, a d e s i r a b l e a r e a of V i c t o r i a n residencies i n S a n F r a n c i s c o , gains t w o n e w residents, these b e i n g P a t t y P a l m e r (Melanie Griffith) a n d D r a k e G o o d m a n ( M a t t h e w Modine), who renovate their home and w i s h to rent out v a r i o u s r o o m s to possible tenants. T h e s c e n e is set for J o h n Schlesinger's n e w p s y c h o l o g i c a l t h r i l l e r . In c o m e s Carter H a y e s ( M i c h a e l K e a t o n ) as a smooth and apparently rich prospective rentee, w h o a p p e a r s to be e v e r y l a n d l o r d ' s d r e a m (and the first n a i l is d r i v e n in). B e f o r e y o u c a n say ' B u t he was s u c h a n i c e b l o k e i n B a t m a n ' he's i n the r o o m w i t h a l l the l o c k s c h a n g e d a n d not b u d g i n g for n e i t h e r l o v e n o r m o n e y .

W h a t ' s to do? H e ' s signed no papers or p a i d m o n e y but has tenant's rights just for b e i n g in the house. A n e v i c t i o n o r d e r takes t i m e a n d t h e y just d o n ' t k n o w w h a t he's up to (plenty of s a w i n g a n d banging).

K e a t o n lays o u t subtle p l o y s a n d legal traps that M o d i n e springs w i t h a n i g n o r a n t persistence that grates. O n l y the s m a r t e r Griffith seems a b l e to see w h a t the v e r y n a u g h t y resident is up to, but she a l w a y s seems at most risk f r o m his lurking. :

T h e battle for the house is a n a d d i c t i v e base for a story that g r o w s at a n e x p o n e n t i a l rate that y o u k n o w w i l l e n d i n tears for o n e p a r t y or the other. A s a p s y c h o l o g i c a l t h r i l l e r it fails to g i v e a n y r e a l u n n e r v i n g qualities ( w i t h the

( p r e s u m a b l y to give the G o d f a t h e r s o m e stature). T h e r e seems to h a v e b e e n m u c h c r i t i c i s m of C o p p o l a ' s d e c i s i o n to cast his d a u g h t e r , Sofia, in the part of M i c h a e l ' s d a u g h t e r , M a r y . H o w e v e r she seems to l e n d s o m e c h a r m to the f i l m w i t h her s k e w smile a n d ' u n c o n v e n t i o n a l ' ( H o l l y w o o d p a r l a n c e for non-model) l o o k s . A n d y G a r c i a plays the b a s t a r d n e p h e w , w h o is o n l y too k e e n to c a r r y the t o r c h of v i o l e n c e o n M i c h a e l ' s behalf.

e x c e p t i o n of a n e x c e l l e n t scene w h e r e K e a t o n w a t c h e s static o n the T . V . a n d plays a l t e r n a t i v e l y w i t h a C o c k r o a c h , razor-blade a n d pussy-cat). K e a t o n ' s p e r f o r m a n c e is the most o u t s t a n d i n g point of the f i l m , p o r t r a y i n g a c h a r a c t e r w h o m a y be suave, d e a d l y , c a l c u l a t e d or m u r d e r o u s . A n i c e point is T i p p i H e d r e n , M e l a n i e Griffith's m o t h e r , t u r n i n g up as the r i c h F l o r e n c e Peters w h o K e a t o n attempts to c o n .

K e a t o n is a n e v i l git, G r i f f i t h is a s m a r t git a n d M o d i n e is just a p l a i n git. A little too m a i n s t r e a m to get a n y r e a l p s y c h o l o g i c a l t e n s i o n but a g o o d attempt.

A g o o d f i lm that c o u l d do for r e n t i n g w h a t F a t a l A t t r a c t i o n d i d for s h a g g i n g Glen Close.

Yours, The Amazing McHine

F r a n c i s F o r d C o p p o l a seems to have lost his c r e a t i v e juices i n t h e m a k i n g of this f i l m. S o m e h o w he p u l l e d it off b r i l l i a n t l y i n P a r t II, but one feels that he r a c h e d his l i m i t in the first sequel a n d that there w a s n ' t r e a l l y a s t o r y for the t h i r d — t h i s f i lm relies o n the success of the past, w i t h o u t itself b e i n g c r e a t i v e .

T h i s w i l l v e r y l i k e l y be a p r o f o u n d d i s a p p o i n t m e n t for most v i e w e r s .

I.H.

Duck Tales —The

Movie

It's D o n a l d ' s m e a n o l d U n c l e S c r o o g e w i t h his b a n d of resourceful nephews a n d singularly cute niece out to a c c u m u l a t e t h e m s e l v e s a t i d y b u n d l e of treasure a n d d o s h . T h i s takes t h e m o u t into the desert i n s e a r c h of the trez of C o l l y B a b a w h i c h S c r o o g e has b e e n after for forty y e a r s . T h r o w i n a m a g i c l a m p w i t h a free g e n i e i n issue one a d d a s o u p c o n of b i g b a d w i z a r d w h o c a n c h a n g e into a n y a n i m a l that l o o k s m e a n a n d has a b a d rep a m o n g c h i l d r e n , a n d that W a l t D i s n e y butt k i c k i n g a c t i o n is r e a d y to r o l l . T h e genie is q u i t e n a t u r a l l y a n i c e little k i d w h o gets up to w a c k y japes a n d o n l y w a n t s to be real a n d he m a k e s friends w i t h the k i d d e r o o s . It's m i n d n u m b i n g l y o b v i o u s w h a t happens, w h i c h m a k e s it d a m n g o o d fun. T h e treasure bits are t a k e n straight f r o m Raiders of the Lost Ark a n d the rest f r o m the R a d i o n a d v e r t .

In the g o o d o l d days (relative c h r o n o g r a p h y as o p p o s e d to B B C m u s i c hall prog) the misers a l w a y s got theirs i n the e n d but in todays e n l i g h t e n e d capitalist state t h e y c a n k e e p the c a s h a n d get a bit m o r e p r o v i d e d t h e y g i v e a painful e n o u g h m o r a l nugget for the k i d s to barf o n . N i c e to see D o n a l d ' s s p e e c h i m p e d i m e n t isn't genetic a n d the l a c k of a z a n y p e l i c a n c h a s i n g the d u c k f a m i l y c a m e as a relief. D i s n e y fun for the fluffy stonkers amongst you.

The 'Mazin' Mac'

Last term Audio Soc's obscurity came to an end and they became.

FEATURES

Hi-Fi Hipsters

S o m e w h e r e i n the d e e p a n d distant past that w a s last t e r m a light f l i c k e r e d at the e n d of A u d i o s o c ' s t u n n e l of o b s c u r i t y . It w a s n o t h i n g less t h a n a c a l l f r o m a s o o n to-be-quit e-famous-indeed (we hope!) m a g a z i n e c a l l i n g itself ' H i - F i W o r l d ' .

F e e l i n g that t h e i r m a g a z i n e n e e d e d s o m e t h i n g just short of s e n s a t i o n a l for its first issue t hey h a d d e c i d e d to contact I C U A u d i o S o c i n the h o p e that w e c o u l d find one day in o u r b u s y a n d hectic (?) lives to help i n the w r i t i n g of a n article o n 'student hi-fi systems'. T h e i d e a w a s to c h o o s e s o m e c o o l a n d t r e n d y students (then w h y c h o o s e IC?) to g i v e the article s o m e r e a l street-cred.

O n h e a r i n g this m o m e n t o u s n e w s M a l c o l m ( C h a i r m a n a n d t h e m a i n h e r o of o u r story) a l o n g w i t h R i c h a r d (creative a c c o u n t a n t c u m treasurer a n d s o m e w h a t less of a hero) w e n t into the U n i o n to quaff a n ale or three ( b e t w e e n t h e m of course) to c e l e b r a t e the fact that t h e y w o u l d s o o n be megastars b e f o r e r e a l i s i n g that most p e o p l e w o u l d n ' t g i v e a toss.

T h e d e p u t y e d i t o r h a d a s k e d for five p e o p l e i n c l u d i n g a g i r l (!?) to help w i t h the article. N e e d l e s s to say this w a s the s o u r c e of m u c h a m u s e m e n t for o u r t w o heroes. H o w e v e r , as l u c k w o u l d h a v e it, R i c h a r d m a n a g e d to p e r s u a d e a first y e a r m a t h e m a t i c i a n to j o i n at F r e s h e r s ' F a i r .

Y o u w o u l d h a v e too if h e ' d t h r e a t e n e d y o u w i t h a c o n v e r s a t i o n o n h o w the t u r b o - c h a r g e d tractors o n his f a r m are u s e d for target p r a c t i c e b y A - 1 0

tankbusters.

M e a n w h i l e , b a c k at the plot, the t e a m w a s c o m p l e t e d b y the a d d i t i o n of M i k e a n d D a r r e n . So, one c o l d a n d wet D e c e m b e r m o r n i n g o u r h e r o e s a n d the o t h e r t h r e e m e t in a cul-de-sac i n M a i d a V a l e , w h e r e t hey f o u n d t h e offices of s a i d m a g a z i n e (actually the editor's house).

T h e y w e r e a l l u s h e r e d into t h e l i v i n g r o o m , or i n hi-fi j a r g o n the ' l i s t e n i n g r o o m ' . T h e five w e r e g i v e n a p e n a n d p a p e r e a c h a n d a s k e d to w r i t e d o w n their o p i n i o n s o n the five systems p l a c e d before t h e m .

Little d i d o u r f r i e n d l y hi-fi journalist k n o w but n o one h a d a c l u e of w h a t fancy r e v i e w i n g t e r m s s u c h as ' m i d b a n d c o l o u r a t i o n ' o r 'top-end s m e a r i n g ' m e a n t .

F o r t u n a t e l y , t hey w e r e n o t f o u n d out, but R i c h n e a r l y b l e w it b y e x p r e s s i n g his o p i n i o n h a d a ' l o g a r i t h m i c ' bass f r e q u e n c y r o l l o f f (trust a physicist!). H o w e v e r , far f r o m b e c o m i n g suspicious, t h e hi-fi journalist w a s d e e p l y i m p r e s s e d w i t h s u c h s u c c i n c t r e v i e w i n g , w h i c h just goes to s h o w w h a t a g o o d b u l l s h i t t e r he is (yep, definitely a physicist). D e s p i t e this, the five w e r e v e r y i m p r e s s e d w i t h s o u n d q u a l i t y of a l l the systems p r e s e n t e d to them.

A f t e r the r e v i e w i n g w a s o v e r it w a s p h o t o t i m e , w h e r e e v e r y o n e w a s a s k e d to s t r i k e a u n i q u e (read silly) p o s e w i t h t h e i r system. After suitably embarrassing t h e m s e l v e s (see piccy) t hey a l l w e n t h o m e to a w a i t the results.

PARTY TONIGHT M a r c h 8th 8pm •BANDS •DISCO •BAR-B-Q • B A R EXTENSION A T L I N S T E A D H A L L ' S 23rd BIRTHDAY PARTY, EXLINSTEAD A N D GUESTS WELCOME

W e l l , the m a g a z i n e is n o w out, it's the M a r c h e d i t i o n , costs £2.80 a n d i n c l u d e s a free C D .

W h e n the m a g a z i n e w a r n e d t hey w o u l d use s o m e 'journalistic l i c e n c e ' i n w r i t i n g the article t h e y w e r e n ' t w r o n g , but at least its not l i b e l l o u s !

Meanwhile AudioSoc carries on, offering c h e a p r e c o r d s , tapes a n d C D s to its m e m b e r s (some catalogues are in the H a l d a n e L i b r a r y p r o v i d e d n o o n e has n i c k e d them) as w e l l as discounts o n a l l the hi-fi y o u c a n b u y f r o m those oh-son i c e p e o p l e at the C o r n f l a k e S h o p , w h i c h is situated in W i n d m i l l Street, just off T o t t e n h a m C o u r t R o a d . It's r u n b y t w o ex-IC students w h o o p e n t h e i r doors to the p u b l i c at 1 0 a m M o n d a y to S a t u r d a y as t h e y still h a v e n ' t got o u t of the habit of m i s s i n g e v e r y 9 . 3 0 a m start. W h y d i d t h e y n a m e it after a breakfast cereal?

Er...

A u d i o S o c al so organises trips a n d demos by manufacturers. Forthcoming attractions i n c l u d e a trip to A r c a m o n M a r c h 13, a t r i p to R o k s a n o n W e d n e s d a y M a r c h 20, a n d a possible d e m o b y L i n n s u p r e m o Ivor T i e t e n b r u m i n the n e a r future. M e e t i n g s are e v e r y T u e s d a y , 12.30pm i n t h e U n i o n S C R or c o n t a c t M a l c o l m M y e r s (Elec E n g 3) or R i c h a r d J o n e s (Physics 3). M e m b e r s h i p is £2.50 w h i c h pays for itself (and m o r e ) w i t h y o u r first r e c o r d o r d e r or y o u r first p u r c h a s e f r o m the C o r n f l a k e S h o p .

Intellectual property rights have caused quite a stir over the years...

Thought = Money?

T h e Beatles, I B M , K o d a k , C a r l t o n C o m m u n i c a t i o n s , T h e Soviet G o v e r n m e n t .

W h a t do a l l these h a v e i n c o m m o n ? If y o u h a d b e e n p r e s e n t at last w e e k ' s Physics Department C o l l o q u i u m then y o u w o u l d have l e a r n t the a n s w e r .

A l l of the a b o v e are e x a m p l e s of p e o p l e i n v o l v e d i n c o u r t actions o v e r i n t e l l e c t u a l p r o p e r t y r i g h t s , the subject of the talk g i v e n b y M r C l i f f o r d M i l l e r , a f o r m e r IC P h y s i c s student.

'Intellectual p r o p e r t y r i g h t s ' is a b r o a d t e r m c o v e r i n g patents, c o p y r i g h t s , t r a d e m a r k s , designs, b r a n d n a m e s , s e r v i c e m a r k s a n d a w h o l e host of different things. It c a n c o v e r a n y t h i n g f r o m the d e s i g n of a c h o c o l a t e bar to a silicon chip.

T h e i m p o r t a n c e of i n t e l l e c t u a l p r o p e r t y is quite p l a i n ; e v e n if y o u devise s i m i l a r t e c h n o l o g y as a n o t h e r c o m p a n y , as l o n g as t h e y h o l d rights for the use of that t e c h n i q u e y o u c a n n o t c o m p e t e i n the market.

T h u s it is n e c e s s a r y to t a k e steps to protect a n y t e c h n o l o g y a n d d e v e l o p m e n t b e f o r e a n y o n e else does.

Firstly, i n t e l l e c t u a l p r o p e r t y c o u l d be g u a r d e d b y patents, the m o s t c o m p l e x m e t h o d a v a i l a b l e . T o patent a n i n v e n t i o n it must u s u a l l y be n e w , or h a v e s o m e n e w aspect to it. Interesting patents i n c l u d e that h e l d for the p r o c e s s of m a k i n g a n ' A e r o ' c h o c o l a t e bar, the process used i n P o l a r o i d ' i n s t a n t ' c a m e r a s , a n d one h e l d b y the B r i t i s h R a i l w a y s B o a r d for a N u c l e a r P o w e r e d spaceship.

A patent affords y o u r i n v e n t i o n a t w e n t y y e a r m o n o p o l y , g i v i n g p r o t e c t i o n to essential features. If a p r o d u c t is m a d e u s i n g all of the m a i n parts t h e n it is i n f r i n g i n g the patent.

T h e r e are t w o systems for filing a n a p p l i c a t i o n for a patent. M o s t c o u n t r i e s , i n c l u d i n g the U n i t e d K i n g d o m , use a 'first to file' m e t h o d : w h o e v e r gets there first has the patent. T h u s it is v e r y i m p o r t a n t to k e e p a n i n v e n t i o n ' s details c o m p l e t e l y c o n f i d e n t i a l u n t i l the a p p l i c a t i o n has b e e n m a d e . In the U n i t e d States, a first-toi n v e n t s y s t e m o p e r a t e s : p e o p l e t e n d to p u b l i s h details first to s h o w t h e y i n v e n t e d it, a n d t h e n lose their rights i n o t h e r countries.

A p p l i c a t i o n s c a n be a l a r g e s o u r c e of i n f o r m a t i o n o n w h a t has a l r e a d y b e e n done- the a p p l i c a t i o n must c o m p l e t e l y disclose the m e t h o d s a n d details.

Patent a p p l i c a t i o n s c a n b e costly, a n d after four y e a r s h a v e e l a p s e d the patent must be r e n e w e d a n n u a l l y u n t i l the t w e n t i e t h y e a r . T h i s c a n cost f r o m ÂŁ100, u p to ÂŁ350 for a patent i n its final y e a r .

F a i l u r e to r e n e w c a n l e a d to the lapse of the patent: t h o u g h a lapse of a patent c a n n o t be r e l i e d u p o n to a l l o w a n infringement.

A n o t h e r , s i m p l e , m e t h o d of p r o t e c t i n g y o u r interests is the l a w of c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y .

If y o u tell s o m e o n e a p i e c e of i n f o r m a t i o n t h e n , as l o n g as y o u o b l i g e t h e m to m a i n t a i n its c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y , a n y d i s c u s s i o n w i t h s o m e o n e else b r e a k s the l a w .

W e l l k n o w n e x a m p l e s i n c l u d e the f o r m u l a for C o c a - C o l a , a n d the r e c i p e for ' K e n t u c k y F r i e d C h i c k e n ' . T h i s m e t h o d is, h o w e v e r , l i m i t e d if s o m e o n e else c a n take the p r o d u c t a p a r t a n d a n a l y s e it: y o u h a v e t h e n lost y o u r s e c r e c y .

U s i n g d e s i g n p r o t e c t i o n c a n also be a w a y to m a i n t a i n r e v e n u e s . In the U K , c o p y r i g h t , d e s i g n rights, a n d registered designs are a v a i l a b l e to t h e i n v e n t o r or designer. T h e y protect the l o o k of a product.

If s o m e o n e m a k e s use of the effort y o u put into y o u r design t h e n t h e y c o u l d be i m p i n g i n g u p o n y o u r rights.

A final o p t i o n for y o u r p r o d u c t is the p r o t e c t i o n of c o m p a n y n a m e s , logos, p a c k a g i n g , a n d the g e n e r a l m a r k s for y o u r p r o d u c t . If a t r a d e m a r k (whether registered, or not) is u s e d for a n y o t h e r p r o d u c t , w h e r e there m i g h t be c o n f u s i o n o v e r its i d e n t i t y , t h e n t h e y are guilty of 'passing off. U K l a w protects a user against p a s s i n g off.

It is v e r y i m p o r t a n t , t h e r e f o r e , to e n s u r e that y o u r n e w p r o d u c t l o o k s t o t a l ly different f r o m a n y o t h e r a l r e a d y i n the m a r k e t . T h i s e x p l a i n s the use, b y L e v e r Bros., of br i g ht o r a n g e for the p a c k a g i n g of t h e i r ' R a d i o n ' w a s h i n g powder.

If y o u have a n i d e a w h i c h y o u t h i n k is a w i n n e r , I u r g e y o u to f o l l o w the a d v i c e given by M r Miller: ' T e l l no-one a b o u t it if y o u c a n a v o i d it.'

'If the i d e a is for a p a t e n t a b l e i n v e n t i o n . . . do not lose y o u r rights... b y failing to m a k e at least the first patent a p p l i c a t i o n . ' 'If y o u h a v e e n o u g h m o n e y , fund the p r o d u c t a l l t h e way... y o u r s e l f . ' T h i s a r t i c l e is just a brief, a n d s i m p l e , i n t r o d u c t i o n to i n t e l l e c t u a l p r o p e r t y rights. F o r m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n consult the b o o k ' C o m m e r c i a l E x p l o i t a t i o n of Intellectual P r o p e r t y ' b y H i l a r y P e a r s o n a n d C l i f f o r d M i l l e r . It c o v e r s the w h o l e subject at great d e p t h a n d is w e l l i n d e x e d for r e f e r r a l to most things y o u c o u l d possibly w a n t to k n o w .

9

The Slow Moving Snail wishes you were here then...

S u c h , S u c h W e r e the at a n o v e r v i e w of the h i s t o r y since 1907.

A s s u c h it is w o r t h a r e a d . If o n l y he h a d w r i t t e n about the ' h i s t o r y of the student as s o c i a l p h e n o m e n a ' a n d filled the gap he a c k n o w l e d g e d e x i s t e d i n the history of colleges.

mm

O v e r the y e a r s I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e a n d its constituents h a v e c e l e b r a t e d n u m e r o u s a n n i v e r s a r i e s . W i t h a l l the n a m e c h a n g e s that h a v e g o n e o n d u r i n g its history e v e r y y e a r b e c o m e s a n o p p o r t u n i t y to c e l e b r a t e , or m i l k it for fund-raising p u b l i c i t y . L u c k i l y , for us, t h e y h a v e also b e e n u s e d to p u b l i s h h i s t o r i c a l a c c o u n t s of the c o l l e g e .

A s a y o u n g u n d e r g r a d u a t e I w a l k e d to lectures, across P r i n c e s G a r d e n s , w i t h a feeling of b e i n g a part of a n e x c i t i n g h i s t o r y . T h i s w a s the p l a n n e d c e n t r e of scientific e x c e l l e n c e p r o m o t e d b y the P r i n c e C o n s o r t , a p l a c e w h e r e great m e n a n d w o m e n h a d s t u d i e d a n d taught. I felt p r o u d to be h e r e , i n a s m a l l w a y b e c o m i n g a p a r t of this t r a d i t i o n .

T h e r e are at least five b o o k s , a v a i l a b l e i n c o l l e g e , that de s c r i be the b i r t h a n d d e v e l o p m e n t of I m p e r i a l . T h e best for the p r i c e , p i c t o r i a l a n d l a n g u a g e style, is the a w a r d - w i n n i n g p u b l i c a t i o n , Imperial College b y I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e A r c h i v e s .

T h i s is a s m a l l , h i g h q u a l i t y c o l o u r b o o k l e t , aptly suitable for p a r e n t a l coffee tables offering o n e - u p m a n s h i p o n filial success, a n d for q u o t i n g snippets to those p o o r friends at less h i s t o r i c a l places. It g i v e s a n i n v a l u a b l e s u m m a r y of the p e o p l e a n d e v e n t s b e h i n d o u r history. If y o u w a n t s o m e w h e r e to start l e a r n i n g a bit about w h a t this c o l l e g e represents t h e r e is no better p l a c e .

A m o r e c o m p r e h e n s i v e study, Science for Industry, is p r o v i d e d b y A . R u p e r t H a l l , o n c e P r o f e s s or of the H i s t o r y of S c i e n c e here. It is d i s a p p o i n t i n g i n that, t h o u g h it fills the details i n , it does not p r o v i d e e n o u g h e x p l a n a t i o n about the r e l a t i o n s h i p of the c o l l e g e to w i d e r c h a n g e s i n e d u c a t i o n a n d science. M u c h is a s s u m e d , for instance t h e 1870 F o r s t e r E d u c a t i o n A c t l a u n c h e d state e d u c a t i o n i n this c o u n t r y , t h o u g h this is n o t e x p l a i n e d .

A l s o there is a l a c k of a n i n d e x . H i s Preface states that this is the first attempt

10

Joys

k K S o n e r s

A b o o k , Breaking the Shackles, p u b l i s h e d b y a n IC student, does l o o k m o r e at w h a t it w a s l i k e to be a student here one h u n d r e d years a g o . T h e a u t h o r uses quotes f r o m H . G . W e l l s ' n o v e l s a n d short stories to c o m p a r e W e l l s ' life as a student here w i t h his o w n e x p e r i e n c e s . It provides an enlightening and c o n t r o v e r s i a l p i c t u r e of l e a r n i n g , w i t h i n the w i d e r frame of the p r e s e n t debates about n a t i o n a l c u r r i c u l u m a n d e d u c a t i o n standards.

T h e s e are a l l i n e x p e n s i v e g o o d reads.

T w o further v o l u m e s are l a r g e a n d e x p e n s i v e , suitable for the s t u d y shelf r a t h e r t h a n the coffee s t a i n e d table tops.

A Hundred Years of Civil Engineering at South Kensington edited b y J o y c e B r o w n a n d City and Guilds College - A Centenary History are b o o k s I w i l l r e s e r v e a w e e k to r e a d .

A f a s c i n a t i n g l o o k at t h e r e l a t i o n s h i p b e t w e e n politics a n d s c i e n c e , The Visible College b y G a r y W e r s k e y , describes the lives of B r i t i s h Scientists w h o l i n k e d t h e i r s c i e n c e to t h e i r s o c i a l i s m . H y m e n L e v y , D e a n of the R o y a l C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e (1947-52), r e c e i v e s a c o m p r e h e n s i v e c o v e r a g e . H e w a s a famous p o p u l a r i s e r of science - writing and appearing on television and radio. F o r those w h o think this p l a c e is n o n - p o l i t i c a l this w i l l be a n educational book.

M o s t of these b o o k s are a v a i l a b l e f r o m the I C U B o o k s t o r e . T h e A r c h i v e s b o o k l e t costs ÂŁ2:75 f r o m A r c h i v e s ( L e v e l 4 Sherfield). T h e Visible College c a n be ordered from any good bookshop (published b y F r e e A s s o c i a t i o n B o o k s , I S B N 1- 85343-014-5).

Poisoning the World in Steps Second Stride is a n a w a r d - w i n n i n g d a n c e g r o u p w h o h a v e successfully e x p e r i m e n t e d w i t h m o v e m e n t , m u s i c , the s p o k e n a n d s a n g w o r d as m e a n s of e x p l o r i n g the m o t i v e s , e m o t i o n s a n d ideas b e h i n d four p o i s o n e r s . Lives of the Great Poisoners p o r t r a y s D r C r i p p e n , M e d e a a n d M a r q u i s e de B r i n v i l l i e r s .

T h e f o u r t h c h a r a c t e r is one w h o gives this h i g h l y e x h i l a r a t i n g p i e c e a w i d e r m o r a l v i e w . T h o m a s M i d g l e y was a b r i l l i a n t scientist w h o d i s c o v e r e d the antik n o c k p r o p e r t i e s of l e a d c o m p o u n d s i n p e t r o l a n d f o u n d the first p r a c t i c a l a p p l i c a t i o n of C F C s . H i s w o r k has t h e r e f o r e c o n t r i b u t e d to t h e present e n v i r o n m e n t a l threats to o u r c o m m u n i t i e s a n d planet. A s a scientist he w a s h i g h l y d r a m a t i c , p r e s e n t i n g his findings i n a t h e a t r i c a l style o n a stage. T o s h o w the h a r m l e s s n a t u r e of C F C s he b r e a t h e d i n the gas a n d b l e w out a c a n d l e w i t h it.

T h e tragic i r o n y of his e a r l y d e a t h (he w a s s t r a n g l e d b y a s y s t e m of p u l l e y s he h a d d e s i g n e d to m o v e his d i s a b l ed b o d y a r o u n d his house) appears as a p o w e r f u l i m a g e of the u n s e e n c i r c u m s t a n c e s of o u r science and technology.

A l l scientists s h o u l d go to see h o w this ' o u t s t a n d i n g a r r a y of c r e a t i v e talents' h a v e p o r t r a y e d the v a l u e s of their subject. T h e p r o d u c t i o n r u n s f r o m T u e s d a y 12 to S a t u r d a y 16th M a r c h , 7:30 p m at the R i v e r s i d e Studios, C r i s p R o a d , H a m m e r s m i t h (near the tube). B o x Office 081 748 3354. T i c k e t prices S7.50/&5.50 reductions.

Yasmin Saudi gives her opinion

on the recent Jewish Society

exhibition.

Facts and Figures?

T h e M i d d l e East...it's a l o n g but u n c o m p l e t e story.

C o m m e n t s o n the m a i n titles of the Jewish Soceity Exhibition At the beginning of the twentieth century, the Middle East was a single unit containing many contrasting people.

Such crumble. disparity caused the unit to A t the b e g i n n i n g of the t w e n t i e t h c e n t u r y the M i d d l e East c o n s i s t e d of the O t t o m a n E m p i r e , Egypt, O m a n a n d A d e n w h i c h was d i r e c t l y u n d e r t h e B r i t i s h e m p i r e . T h e A r a b w o r l d is f a i r l y h o m o g e n e o u s i n its v a l u e s , traditions, culture, history a n d language. ' C o n t r a s t i n g ' is n o n - d e s c r i p t i v e of the A r a b people. T h e d i v i s i o n of the eastern A r a b w o r l d i n t o m a n y states f o l l o w e d the Sykes-Picot a g r e e m e n t in 1916 a n d the i m p l e m e n t a t i o n of B r i t i s h a n d F r e n c h m andat e s in the r e g i o n . T h e e x h i b i t i o n i m p l i e d that Israel c a m e into existence i n the same w a y as the A r a b states d i d . It s h o u l d be c l a r i f i e d that w h i l e the A r a b states g a i n e d t h e i r i n d e p e n d e n c e f r o m the B r i t i s h a n d t h e F r e n c h m a n d a t e s , the U N G e n e r a l A s s e m b l y set a p a r t i t i o n p l a n for Palestine i n O c t o b e r 1947, to create t w o states, one for the J e w s a n d one for the A r a b s , a n d to allot the J e w i s h state 56.6 p e r cent of t h e l a n d of P a l e s t i n e of w h i c h 90 per cent w a s A r a b o w n e d a n d 50 per cent P a l e s t i n i a n A r a b p o p u l a t e d . T h e c r e a t i o n of Israel w a s a c c o m p a n i e d b y the e x p u l s i o n of t w o t h i r d s of the Palestinians l i v i n g i n the a r e a * T h e i n d e p e n d e n c e of Israel w a s not the i n d e p e n d e n c e of the i n d i g e n o u s p e o p l e of Palestine.

Under the title 'Use Your Democratic Rights', the exhibition conveyed the idea from the of the absence of democracy Middle East apart from Israel.

W h i l e d e m o c r a c y does not constitute a n i n t e g r a l part of most A r a b r e g i m e s , it is not absent. E g y p t has l i c e n s e d parties a n d t h e r e is a fair d e g r e e of f r e e d o m of the press. In J o r d a n , d e m o c r a t i c elections t o o k place r e c e n t l y a n d the press is r e l a t i v e l y o p e n . Y e m e n a n d A l g e r i a are p r e p a r i n g for d e m o c r a t i c elections. In the d e c l a r a t i o n of I n d e p e n d e n c e of M a y 1948, the p r i n c i p l e of e q u a l i t y b e t w e e n J e w s a n d A r a b s i n the n e w state of Israel w a s p r o c l a i m e d . In practice, Israel has yet to abolish discrimination and inequality b e t w e e n the t w o p o l i t i c a l a n d s o c i a l rights (eg the A b s e n t e e P r o p e r t y L a w of 1950, L a w of R e t u r n , d i s c r i m i n a t i o n i n m u n i c i p a l f i n a n c e a n d job hire).

They supported international terrorism and sent their own people to murder worldwide. ' T h e y ' a b o v e refers to the A r a b states. It s h o u l d have b e e n specified that the o n l y states that a r e l i n k e d to t e r r o r i s m are S y r i a , L i b y a a n d Iraq.

So appalling violence has prevailed irrespective of Israel's existence.

Violence and upheaval have been w o r s e n e d b y t h e i m p a c t of Israel, w h o s e defeat of the A r a b states i n 1948 a n d 1967 u n d e r m i n e d their g o v e r n m e n t s .

Israel has m e d d l e d i n L e b a n o n since the 1950s.

The only movement whose very existence revolved around the destruction of Israel was the PLO. Its aims are it has never enshrined in its constitution, been changed. In fact the articles that followed were taken from the Palestinian N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r w h i c h is n o t the s a m e as the c o n s t i t u t i o n .

T h e C h a r t e r has g o n e t h r o u g h three phases, w h i c h are as follows: Stage O n e : T h e 'total l i b e r a t i o n ' phase f r o m 64 t h r o u g h to 68. T h e N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r s i n that phase w e r e c h a r a c t e r i s e d b y the e n o r m o u s sense of loss a n d not b y the ' d e s t r u c t i o n of Israel'. A r t i c l e 15 of the Palestine N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r of 1968 states that ' T h e l i b e r a t i o n of Palestine...aims at the e l i m i n a t i o n of Z i o n i s m i n P a l e s t i n e ' a n d n o t the p e o p l e of Israel. T h e r e is no m e n t i o n of d e s t r o y i n g Israel, in the sense of k i l l i n g its people.

Stage t w o : T h e s e c u l a r d e m o c r a t i c state phase f r o m 69 to 73. T h e l i b e r a t e d Palestine e n v i s a g e d i n the C h a r t e r as a m e n d e d i n 1968 a n d s u p p l e m e n t e d b y the Palestine N a t i o n a l C o u n c i l r e s o l u t i o n s w a s that of a s e c u l a r d e m o c r a t i c states, all of w h o s e c i t i z e n s , regardless of r e l i g i o n or r a c e , w o u l d h a v e e q u a l rights and opportunities.

Stage T h r e e : T h e t w o state s o l u t i o n phase, w h i c h e v o l v e d into a n e x p l i c i t spelled-out a c c e p t a n c e of a P a l e s t i n i a n state a l o n g s i d e Israel not as a t r a n s i t i o n a l stage but as a final o n e .

T h e e v o l u t i o n of the P L O ' s p e a c e strategy was finalised at t h e a d o p t i o n of T h e P o l i t i c a l P r o g r a m a n d the D e c l a r a t i o n of I n d e p e n d e n c e b y the 19th P a l e s t i n i a n N a t i o n a l C o u n c i l i n 1988, t o g e t h e r w i t h A r a f a t ' s statement in G e n e v a a m o n t h later. T h e s e set the U N S e c u r i t y C o u n c i l R e s o l u t i o n s 242 a n d 338 as the basis for convening an international peace c o n f e r e n c e i n the M i d d l e East a n d

OPINION

negotiations w i t h Israel w i t h i n the f r a m e w o r k of the I n t e r n a t i o n a l C o n f e r e n c e . Israel is c l e a r l y r e c o g n i s e d as a legitimate state in the P N C ' s e n d o r s e m e n t of the U N G e n e r a l A s s e m b l y p a r t i t i o n r e s o l u t i o n as it relates to the e s t a b l i s h m e n t of t w o states i n w h a t w a s mandatory Palestine. D i p l o m a c y and peaceful settlement are c h o s e n to a c h i e v e P a l e s t i n i a n goals. T e r r o r i s m i n all its f o r m s — i n d i v i d u a l , g r o u p a n d state is e m p h a t i c a l l y rejected.

H e n c e it is e v i d e n t that after the n i n e t e e n t h P N C i n N o v e m b e r 1988 in A l g i e r s , the N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r w a s to a l l intents a n d purposes, t h o u g h t not in specific t e r m s , r e s c i n d e d , since the basic p r e m i s e s of t h e D e c l a r a t i o n of I n d e p e n d e n c e (eg the p a r t i t i o n of Palestine as the objective a n d peaceful n e g o t i a t i o n as the m e a n s of a c h i e v i n g it) a n d the basic p r e m i s e s of t h e N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r (eg the total l i b e r a t i o n of Palestine as the objective a n d a r m e d struggle as the e x c l u s i v e m e a n s of a c h i e v i n g it) are f u n d a m e n t a l l y o p p o s e d .

A r a f a t was c o r r e c t w h e n d u r i n g his visit to Paris i n M a y 1989, he p r o n o u n c e d the N a t i o n a l C h a r t e r ' c a d u c ' o r 'lapsed', t h o u g h i n the f o r m a l sense it is still operative.

But note the PLO was established in 64.

Israel had nothing Its desire to annihilate to do with the West Bank and Gaza.

See a b o v e . T h e P L O is a n o v e r a l l b o d y c o n c e r n e d not o n l y i n the p o l i t i c a l side of the P a l e s t i n i a n life but also i n s u p p o r t i n g e d u c a t i o n , h e a l t h services a n d P a l e s t i n i a n art a n d c u l t u r e . It has a l w a y s sought to r e b u i l d P a l e s t i n i a n society a n d to p r o m o t e the welfare of the P a l e s t i n i a n s . T h i s is w h a t has m a d e it c h a n g e its goals f r o m those set out i n 1964: it n o w seems a realistic c o m p r o m i s e .

Yasmin Saudi. *See the U N G e n e r a l A s s e m b l y / O f f i c i a l R e c o r d , 6th session, s u p p l e m e n t no 16A, 1951. T h e U N E c o n o m i c s u r v e y M i s s i o n s R e p o r t , 1949.

Deadlines O n c e a g a i n , t h e d e a d l i n e s f o r s u b m i s s i o n s to F e l i x are Unarranged material—Monday Lunchtime Prearranged material—Tuesday Lunchtime Y o u have been w a r n e d !

Alien Sex Fiend and Pendragon meet Dan Abnett, co-writer of one of their favourite comics and ask him about...

Magic and Dolphins, Heroes and Rainforests...

D a n A b n e t t is the co-writer ( w i t h J o h n T o m l i n s o n ) of ' T h e K n i g h t s of P e n d r a g o n ' (KOP), a m o n t h l y c o m i c p u b l i s h e d b y M a r v e l U K . H e has also w o r k e d o n s e v e r a l other titles for M a r v e l U K , i n c l u d i n g b e i n g the editor of ' S t r i p ' u p u n t i l its r e c e n t demise. H e has r e c e n t l y left M a r v e l U K , a n d n o w w o r k s as a n editor for ' A p o c a l y p s e ' , a n e w B r i t i s h c o m p a n y f o r m e d b y s o m e of the c r e a m of the c o m i c s i n d u s t r y i n this c o u n t r y . H e is c o n t i n u i n g to w r i t e K O P o n a freelance basis. ' T h e K n i g h t s of P e n d r a g o n ' is set i n B r i t a i n , a n d has a h e a v y e c o l o g i c a l t h e m e , set against the r i c h t a p e s t r y of Celtic a n d A r t h u r i a n m y t h s w h i c h a b o u n d i n our c o u n t r y . Its m a i n c h a r a c t e r s a r e p e o p l e c h o s e n as c h a m p i o n s b y the a n c i e n t forces of these Isles, to fight against the d a m a g e b e i n g d o n e to N a t u r e .

It is one of t h e best m o n t h l y c o m i c s a r o u n d at the m o m e n t , a n d b y far o n e of the best things e v e r d o n e b y M a r v e l . T h e w r i t i n g , plots, c h a r a c t e r i s a t i o n , art a n d m o o d of the strip are a l l e x c e l l e n t . A s y o u m a y of guessed, w e l i k e it.

a w a y a pile of c o m i c s , a b i g pile about this h i g h (glances at tape deck a n d says 'about a foot h i g h ' a n d laughs). I h a d n e v e r r e a d things l i k e this b e f o r e . T h e r e w e r e a l l the o l d H u l k stories, B a r r y W i n d s o r - S m i t h ' s o r i g i n a l C o n a n stuff, D o n H e c k ' s e a r l y A v e n g e r s , a l l that k i n d of stuff.

A n y w a y , I just w e n t ' W o w , this is brilliant!', b e c a u s e it i m m e d i a t e l y a n s w e r e d the q u e s t i o n ' H o w c a n I do the t w o things I l i k e most...', w h i c h w e r e w r i t i n g a n d d r a w i n g , '...at the s a m e time?'. So I s t a r t e d d r a w i n g m y o w n

d o i n g , w o r k i n g for the c o l l e g e m a g a z i n e , a l t h o u g h it w a s m u c h m o r e studenty a n d c a r t o o n y t h a n this (Felix), a n d I didn't have m u c h spare time.

A t the e n d of it e v e r y o n e w a s k i n d of g o i n g off to this job or that job, a n d I h a d no i d e a of w h a t I w a n t e d to do. S o m e o n e suggested that I a c t u a l l y t r y to get a job i n c o m i c s , so I w r o t e to M a r v e l , as it w a s the n a m e that I associated the most w i t h the c o m i c s I r e a d , a n d t h e y a s k e d m e to go for a n i n t e r v i e w , so I t h o u g h t ' g o o d ' (laughs), a n d I w e n t a l o n g . It t u r n e d out that t h e y ' d b e e n a d v e r t i s i n g for s o m e

the things I t h o u g h t I k n e w about t h e m were completely wrong.

It's great t h o u g h . I m e a n I r e a l l y , r e a l l y enjoy w r i t i n g . T h e r e ' s n o t h i n g better t h a n sitting d o w n a n d t h i n k i n g 'I've got a w h o l e issue of P e n d r a g o n to w r i t e ! G o d ! '

use D a i T h o m a s , w h o w a s a t t a c h e d to C a p t a i n B r i t a i n , a n d m a k e h i m the l i n k across, a n d t h e m a i n c h a r a c t e r for the initial stretch.

A n o t h e r one of the strengths of is the humour...

H o w d i d y o u c o m e up w i t h the o r i g i n a l i d e a for K O P ?

How m u c h r e s e a r c h d i d y o u do o n the Celtic a n d A r t h u r i a n b a c k g r o u n d that is c e n t r a l to the story? It seems v e r y comprehensive.

I t h i n k h u m o u r is e x t r e m e l y i m p o r t a n t i n c o m i c s , I hate those t o t a l ly serious ones.

W e l i k e to put i n s o m e on-liners e v e r y now and then.

It c a m e about v i a myself a n d Steve W h i t e . Steve as a n e di t or h a d a slot for a n e w c o m i c , a n d w e t e n d to c o l l a b o r a t e o n stuff, so w e w e r e t a l k i n g about things,

W e certainly have read several books on the subject, put it that w a y . Part of m y E n g l i s h c o u r s e at u n i v e r s i t y w a s M i d d l e English and Mallory. The Arthurian

W e l l , t h e y ' r e excellent. W e ' r e also i m p r e s s e d that one of the c h a r a c t e r s lives o n G l o u c e s t e r R o a d ! It adds to the r e a l i s m of the s t o r y w h e n y o u use r e a l places.

C e r t a i n l y the m y t h s t h a t c o n n e c t to the story are r e a l ones. W e either use r e a l n a m e s a n d places, or transpose r e a l places to different locations. W e o n l y i n v e n t a n a m e w h e n w e t h i n k that u s i n g the r e a l n a m e w o u l d be t o o p o i n t e d o r d a m a g i n g to the p l a c e c o n c e r n e d .

I do like the way C a p t a i n Britain has b e e n p o r t r a y e d i n K O P , especially his rel ati onshi p w i t h U n i o n J a c k .

How long have you been w o r k i n g in the c o m i c s field?

H o w d i d y o u get into the field, a n d w e r e y o u a n a v i d r e a d e r before that?

N o . I c a m e i n t o it because I d i d n ' t k n o w w h a t I w a n t e d to do. I used to r e a d c o m i c s , w h e n I w a s v e r y y o u n g . . . 'It a l l started' (silly v o i c e , laughs) ...I w e n t to a n e w school a n d made a n e w friend, w h o also e n j o y e d d r a w i n g .

O n e day I w e n t a r o u n d to his house, a n d he s h o w e d m e these things he w a s d r a w i n g , a n d t h e y w e r e c o m i c s . I t ho ug h t ' O o o h , that's a g o o d i d e a ' , a n d he s h o w e d m e a l l these c o m i c s . H e h a d huge great piles of t h e m , because he c o l l e c t e d a l l the B r i t i s h w e e k l i e s as t h e y c a m e out.

It w a s o n e of those twists of fate that h a p p e n i n life: H e h a d too m a n y c o m i c s to fit into the c u p b o a r d he k e p t t h e m i n , a n d his m o t h e r h a d t o l d h i m he w a s g o i n g to t h r o w t h e m a w a y unless h e f o u n d a h o m e for t h e m . So he s a i d to m e ' w o u l d y o u l i k e the c o m i c s ?'. So, I t o o k

12

KOP

Y e s . W e b a s e d it a l l o n r e a l places. I l i v e i n K e n t , so that w a s w h e r e t h e K e n t l i n k c a m e i n , G a r y E r s k i n e is a S c o t t i s h artist, so the Scottish l i n k is there. G l o u c e s t er R o a d s e e m e d l i k e a l i k e l y p l a c e for K a t e to l i v e . T h e o n l y times w e d o take liberties b y a c t u a l l y i n v e n t i n g places t e n d to be l i k e the O r k n e y Islands bit: T h e r e isn't a c t u a l l y a place c a l l e d that, because w e didn't w a n t to say ' T h i s place is full of m u r d e r e r s ' , it was just the concept.

S i m i l a r l y the Spanish t o w n , a l t h o u g h , n o w I c o m e to say it, that w a s J o h n ' s i d e a , so m a y b e it is r e a l !

Thus we were more than happy w h e n it t u r n e d out that D a n A b n e t t w a s to be o n e of the guests at last w e e k s P i c o C o n .

A f t e r his e x c e l l e n t talk a b o u t the c o m i c s field, D a n w a s g r a b b e d a n d forced to sit i n front of a tape d e c k w h i l e w e i n t e r v i e w e d h i m . T h r o u g h o u t b o t h the i n t e r v i e w a n d t h e rest of the d a y M r A b n e t t w a s pleasant, h u m o r o u s , i n f o r m a t i v e a n d interesting. W e o n l y w i s h w e ' d h a d m o r e t i m e i n w h i c h to talk to him.

N e a r l y four y e a r s .

i n d e p e n d a n t l y of) s e v e r a l o t h e r w r i t e r s .

comics. I started reading 2000 A D , I started r e a d i n g s o m e U S c o m i c s , but t h e n I got side- t r a c k e d : I w a s too busy, w h a t w i t h ' A ' levels a n d stuff to w o r r y about.

So, I w e n t to U n i v e r s i t y , a n d t o o k E n g l i s h . T h e t h i n g w a s that b o t h of m y parents w e r e art teachers a n d it w a s a l w a y s m y s t r o n g subject: It w a s a l w a y s a c c e p t e d that I w o u l d go to art college.

B u t it t u r n e d out that I w a s also quite g o o d at E n g l i s h , a n d c o m p a r a t i v e l y I w a s better at E n g l i s h t h a n I w a s at A r t . So, m y E n g l i s h t e a c h e r s a i d to m e 'I t h i n k y o u s h o u l d do E n g l i s h at U n i v e r s i t y ' , a n d put m e i n for O x b r i d g e , w h e r e I e v e n t u a l l y w e n t to r e a d E n g l i s h , w h i c h I'd n e v e r i n t e n d e d to do.

It w a s d u r i n g that p e r i o d that I started to r e a d c o m i c s a g a i n . T h e r e ' s a great c o m i c shop i n O x f o r d c a l l e d ' R a i n b o w s E n d ' . T h a t w a s w h e n I r e a d 'The D a r k K n i g h t R e t u r n s ' for the first time, a n d a g a i n , it's l i k e one of t h o s e c r u c i a l m o m e n t s , a n d I t ho ug h t ' T h i s is r e a l l y g o o d ' . H o w e v e r , at the t i m e I w a s d o i n g a lot of the k i n d of t h i n g that y o u ' r e

e d i t o r i a l p o s i t i o n s , a n d t h o u g h t I'd a p p l i e d due to that. B u t it b e c a m e a p p a r e n t that I w a s just i n t e r e s t e d , a n d I got one of the jobs.

W h a t was it l i k e starting as a n editor at M a r v e l ? W h a t d i d y o u do?

W e l l , as a n e d i t o r i n t r a i n i n g at M a r v e l I spent the first w h i l e w o r k i n g in the colour separation department. Then I b e c a m e a n assistant e d i t o r , just d o i n g the basic paste-up, a n d t h e n y o u start to w r i t e a bit of c o p y , a n d y o u just l e a r n e a c h stage as y o u go a l o n g , a n d w o r k your way through. They always, I think, l i k e y o u to w r i t e a script, b e c a u s e h o w c a n y o u p o s s i b l y criticise s o m e b o d y else's s c r i p t i n g , unless y o u c a n d o it? M a y b e not as w e l l as t h e m , but as l o n g as y o u understand the principles.

R e a l l y , it's o n the job t r a i n i n g w h a t e v e r y o u do, b e c a u s e c o m i c s a r e s u c h a f u n n y t h i n g , a n d a lot of the t h i n g s y o u probably think y o u k n o w about comics are p r o b a b l y c o m p l e t e l y w r o n g . A lot of

as it was o b v i o u s that he w a s g o i n g to edit it. H e w a s t a l k i n g to m e not n e c e s s a r i l y as the w r i t e r , b u t just for ideas. W e t a l k e d about the i d e a of d o i n g a n e c o l o g i c a l l y o r i e n t a t e d c o m i c , w i t h the a i m of i n c r e a s i n g peoples awareness. It w a s sort of naff, but it s e e m e d appropriate.

W e h a d this i d e a , w h i c h w e t ho ug h t w a s v e r y s t r o n g , about a g u y w h o is m o t i v a t e d b y forces that h e doesn't u n d e r s t a n d to go out a n d do' s o m e t h i n g about it, a n d m a y b e d e v e l o p that i n a more supernatural way. Simultaneously the A m e r i c a n s suggested the p o s s i b i l i t y of us u s i n g C a p t a i n B r i t a i n , b e c a u s e he w a s b e c o m i n g v e r y p o p u l a r i n E x c a l i b u r at the t i m e. A n y w a y , i n the process of t a l k i n g , the t w o ideas fused.

W e r e a l i s e d that C a p t a i n B r i t a i n c o u l d n ' t be the c h a r a c t e r it h a p p e n s to, because that w o u l d be far t o o m u c h o n his shoulders, so w e h a d this other c h a r a c t e r , w h o w o u l d get i n v o l v e d w i t h C a p t a i n B r i t a i n , a n d he w o u l d be the g u y that c h a n g e d . T h e o b v i o u s t h i n g w a s to

L e g e n d is o n e of m y f a v o u r i t e stories, a n d so I'm q u i t e g l a d that w e ' v e f o u n d a n e w w a y to l o o k at it. In the e n d w e just p i c k e d one v e r s i o n a n d s t u c k to it.

A f t e r w e fused the t w o ideas I w a s there because of m y k n o w l e d g e of the A r t h u r i a n Stuff, a n d Steve has a v e r y strong ecological background, and John w a s assistant editor o n C a p t a i n B r i t a i n a n d k n o w s a lot of that b a c k g r o u n d . In fact, it's a m u s i n g to reflect, at this j u n c t u r e , that the b r a i n s b e h i n d K O P are Steve W h i t e , w h o ' s the s e n i o r M a r v e l editor, M e , w h o ' s n o w (laughs) a senior Apocalypse person, and John Tomlinson, w h o most w e e k s is the m i g h t y T h a r g (the editor of 2 0 0 0 A D ) , so there's a n i n t e r e s t i n g c o m b i n a t i o n (laughs) S e v e r a l M a r v e l titles s e e m to be getting m u c h d a r k e r , K O P also seems to be a part of this m o r e m a t u r e approach...

Y e s , it's s o m e t h i n g I've b e e n w o r k i n g t o w a r d s for a l o n g t i m e , a l o n g w i t h (but

Y e s , w e r e a l l y w a n t e d to contrast the t w o c h a r a c t e r s . C a p t a i n B r i t a i n is so m u c h l i k e C a p t a i n A m e r i c a , y o u k n o w , he's so h o n o r a b l e it's a n n o y i n g , a n d U n i o n J a c k is m u c h m o r e t h e sort of D a r e D e v i l or S p i d e r m a n C h a r a c t e r , a n y t h i n g for a q u i c k l a u g h , but d e e p d o w n m o t i v a t e d b y e x a c t l y the s a m e sense of justice.

But w e d i d get into a lot of t r o u b l e w i t h the things that C a p t a i n B r i t a i n does i n the strip. A l a n D a v i s s a i d that C a p t a i n B r i t a i n w o u l d n e v e r h a v e k i l l e d D a i . W e have since m a d e a g e n t l e m a n ' s a g r e e m e n t , w h e r e b y w e a g r e e d that b y that stage D a i T h o m a s IS Sir G a w a i n a n y w a y , a n d he's fulfilling a role, a n d w h e n C a p t a i n B r i t a i n a r r i v e s he's fulfilling a role as w e l l , a n d b e c o m e s the c h a r a c t e r of Lancelot in the original story.

A t this p o i n t M r A b n e t t w a s g r a b b e d b y the P i c o C o n organisers, a n d s h o r t l y afterwards h a d to leave. F e l i x w o u l d l i k e to t h a n k h i m for this i n t e r v i e w , a n d the o p e n n e s s a n d g e n i a l i t y he s h o w e d throughout.

13

Dinosaur J r —Green Mind LP

Codeine —Frigid Stars LP

U n c h a r a c t e r i s t i c , yes, but t h i n k n o t h i n g about it. T h i s is p e r h a p s the first m e l l o w r e c o r d out of Sub-Pop's noise factory.

M a y b e it's b e c a u s e Codeine stem f r o m N e w Y o r k , a b o u t as far a w a y f r o m the Seatle scene as y o u c a n get.

D o n ' t be d e c e i v e d b y g e n e r a l i s a t i o n s .

T h e r e c o r d is m e l l o w but o n l y as m e l l o w as a guitar o r i e n t a t e d r o c k ' n ' r o l l b a n d c a n get. A t m o s t a sort of Spacemen Three trip w i t h o u t the repetitiveness. T h e m u s i c ebbs a n d flows b u i l d i n g f r o m c l i m a x to c l i m a x . V o c a l s w a x i n g w i t h the music.

'Hey, Hey, M y , M y R o c k ' n ' Roll will never die', said the great N e i l Y o u n g in 1979.

W e l l it sure a i n ' t d e a d yet a n d as l o n g as Dinosaur Jr are h e r e a n d k i c k i n ' it, Neil's p r o p h e s y w i l l r e m a i n fulfilled. N e i l Y o u n g is also a g o o d s t a r t i n g point to get w h e r e Dinosaur Jr are at but l e a v i n g q u i c k e r a n d q u i c k e r (if y o u see w h a t I mean).

T h e i r first a l b u m since 1988's Bug ( w h i c h t r a n s c e n d e d n e r l y e v e r y t h i n g else that y e a r for sheer laid-back g u i t a r coolness a n d for c o n t a i n i n g the i m m o r t a l Freak Scene) shows just h o w t h e i r sound's progressing.

F r o m the s t o r m i n g o p e n e r The Wagon the listener is d r a w n o n w a r d s as the a l b u m rolls o n a n d o n n e v e r failing to e n t h r a l l a n d c a p t i v a t e . W h e n the guitars are f l o w i n g fast they s o u n d l i k e the p i n n a c l e of an a u r a l ecstacy b u z z p u l l i n g y o u r ears apart, r e a r r a n g i n g a n d t u r n i n g y o u r s e n s o r y n e u r o n e s up to 11. T h e m o c k - c o n f e s s i o n a l tones of the quieter laid-back songs uplift y o u as the u r g e n c y of the guitars is still t h e r e , but it's n e v e r t h r e a t e n i n g o r down-beat, c o n s t a n t l y soothing a n d carressing. J Mascis' l e g e n d a r y slothful l e t h a r g y a l w a y s p e r v a d e s his v o i c e , g i v i n g t h e i m p r e s s i o n that no matter h o w urgent the song, he r e a l l y can't be b o t h e r e d w i t h a n y hassle that life's twists m a y t h r o w at h i m .

Water, Thumb a n d Poke and Cry this laid-back s p l e n d o u r at its best;

show

Dominic

The Shamen —Hyperreal

12"

Parallels w i t h Bitch Magnet's mellower s o u n d are easiliy d r a w n — e s p e c i a l l y w i t h the reference to lead singer S o o y o u n g P a r k o n the t h a n k s list. T h e d a r k s o u n d is the same but t h e different v o c a l style sets it apart. searaw

14

Seb

K i t c h e n s of D i s t i n c t i o n —Drive

That Fast EP

Melody Maker's single of t h e w e e k , no less. T h a t r e v i e w also p r o v i d e s us w i t h the r e a s o n for the l a c k of a b a n d p h o t o o n the c o v e r (replaced i n s t e a d b y a beautiful p i c t u r e of err...a flower): these guys are u g l y , t h e y s m i l e less t h a n Depeche Mode.

Not quite the usual h y p e r f u z z e d , o v e r t h r a s h e d , 60s r e v a m p w e ' v e a l l c o m e to e x p e c t f r o m the c r e w , i n fact it's o n e of the smoothest sounds I've h e a r d r e c e n t l y w i t h o u t s o u n d i n g too m e l l o w . G u i t a r s slide b y o n a 2 0 m p h c r u i s e c o n t r o l n o t h i n g hectic, but not too p r e d i c t a b l e either. V o c a l s r o l l o n a n d off w h e n the m o o d is g o o d (or bad). L y r i c s a d d i n g to the air of g e n e r a l d e p r e s s i o n , r e l a t i n g stories of u n r e q u i t e d l o v e a n d d e c e p t i o n .

I don't t h i n k that t e c h n i c a l l y t h e y are m u s i c a l geniuses. T h e y get b y w i t h a few minor chords strummed occasionally.

D r u m s m e r e l y h o l d the r h y t h m , a n d p r o v i d e a stable base o n w h i c h t h e y b u i l d . It's the l a z y v o c a l s a n d the g e n e r a l air or d e p r e s s i o n w h i c h follows that sets it apart, a sort of m u s i c a l L o u R e e d .

Thumb w i t h its flute (!!) w h i c h b y rights s h o u l d be a r e a l d o w n e r but e v o k e s ^ h a p p y m e m o r i e s f r o m the recesses of the m i n d ; Water is a s o n g w h i c h is r e a l l y g o i n g s o m e w h e r e but, l i k e hey! after a k i p , s o m e T V , a s m o k e ; w h o cares?

Dinosaur Jr a r e b a c k w i t h a s t o r m e r a n d are s h o w i n g t h e p r e t e n d e r s to their t h r o n e just w h e r e to get off o n the express to m e l o d i c guitar m e l t d o w n c i t y a n d t h e n l a u g h as these p o o r creatures are left to w a n d e r the forest of m e d i o c r i t y l o o k i n g for an escape. A n d w h y not?

W i t h Hyperreal, The Shamen release a n o t h e r t y p i c a l l y energetic d a n c e t r a c k . If t h e y w e r e a n y o n e else m o n o t o n y m a y h a v e set in but these boys just s e e m to get better a n d better. T h e y r e a l l y h a v e m a s t e r e d the art of d a n c e f l o o r energy. It's a r e a l roller-coaster of a t r a c k , w i t h a sparse (semi-existent) v o c a l set o v e r a deep terror-synth, and a clackety r h y t h m t h r o w i n g out a d a r k funk r i d d e n , arse w r i g g l i n g beat. ( A m 1 b e i n g a tad pretentious?) It's p r e c i s i o n l e d a n d totally efficient. T h i s is so s e x y I'm s u r p r i s e d that it doesn't c o m e w i t h its o w n d r y ice.

Harry Cross.

T h e title t r a c k opens the E P w i t h s w i r l i n g guitars, a n d it all sounds g o o d , but u n f o r t u n a t e l y , the lead singer can't s i n g for toffee. H e ruins a p r o m i s i n g song.

S e c o n d l y , onto These Drinkers.

He's g i v e n up t r y i n g to sing, a n d just dictates the l y r i c s , r e s u l t i n g in a m u c h better song, but it's cut t r a g i c a l l y s h o r t just as I was getting i n t o it.

O n the o t h e r side, Elephantiny features the lead s i n g e r b a c k o n t e r r i b l e f o r m , s i n g i n g a b o u t , wait for it, elephants. T h e w o r s t s o n g o n the E P b y far.

F i n a l l y , o n t o Three to Beam Up. T h e b a n d h a v e f i n a l l y c h u c k e d the singer, a n d the result: a g l o r i o u s i n s t r u m e n t a l m a k e s the E P a w o r t h y p u r c h a s e o n its o w n .

S o u n d i n g v a g u e l y r e m o t e , it fades out s l o w l y , a n d it's so g o o d !

H e y , these guys look l i k e Depeche Mode as w e l l .

Lise Yates.

Boss

Hog —Marquee e v e n i n t i m e w i t h e a c h o t h e r . It b e c a m e i n t e r e s t i n g w h e n the l e a d singer d r o p p e d the guitar (literally) a n d b e g a n p l a y i n g k e y b o a r d s as w e l l as s i n g i n g . J u g g l i n g the v o c a l s , the g u i t a r a n d the k e y b o a r d p r o v e d difficult a n d s o m e a n a r c h i c results o c c u r r e d . G o o d for a l a u g h .

God w e r e different; a n y b a n d w i t h t w o d r u m m e r s , t w o bassists a n d t w o guitarists (let a l o n e t w o saxophonists) w a s to be different. T h e e n s u i n g noise c a r n a g e w a s i n s p i r i n g . T h e o n l y c l e a r effects w e r e a d r i v i n g beat (a w e l l c o o l o n e at that) a n d a non-stop w a l l of s o u n d . V o c a l s s c r e a m e d o v e r the top, r e p e t i t i v e to the e x t r e m e . T h e first s o n g h a d one w o r d — ' G o d ' — i t l a s t e d fifteen m i n u t e s . A f t e r t w o or three m o r e p u r e noise sessions the M a r q u e e w a s lost i n the h a z e , y o u c o u l d o n l y sit b a c k a n d take it.

T h i s was not a gig for the faint h e a r t e d , n o r w a s it for m u s i c l o v e r s . God s a w to that. E v e n Gallon Drunk h a d a strange q u i r k . T h e y e m e r g e d quaint r o c k a b i l l y types but s o o n p r o v e d that first i m p r e s s i o n s c a n be v e r y d e c e p t i v e . T h e r y t h m s e c t i o n w e r e quite n o r m a l , i n c l u d i n g the m a r a c a s . T h e y p l a y e d notes,

T h e g o l d l a m e shirt a n d C h i n g guitar signified the a r r i v a l of the Pussy G a l o r e i n s p i r e d Boss Hog e x p e r i e n c e . A f t e r a n i n d e t e r m i n a b l e t i m e the ' G o d d e s s of latterday n o i s e r o c k a r r i v e d o n stage, i n s p i r i n g a n e w w a v e of a u d i e n c e p a r t i c i p a t i o n — p o s i t i v e this t i m e . T h e lurching r o m p i n g and grinding roll began as Boss Hog c r u i s e d t h r o u g h the b a c k c a t a l o g u e of s l e a z e d r o c k a b i l l y - i n s p i r e d thrash.

L i k e a bass h u n g r y Pussy G a l o r e , Boss Hog, s p e w e d out t h e i r strange b r e w .

G o o d d r i n k i n g it was.

Seb.

Ocean C o l o u r Scene —The Venue 1.3.91 Not being very well up on the ' M a n c h e s t e r ' scene, I a s s u m e d that Ocean Colour Scene w e r e c a t c h i n g a free ride o n its s o d d e n c o a t tails. S e e i n g the o c c a s i o n a l fan i n the a n n o y i n g l y d e s i g n e d T-shirts d i d n ' t help m u c h either. So w h e n t h e y m o d e s t l y t o o k to the stage a n d p l u g g e d i n I was t a k e n a b a c k . First off, t h e y aren't a n a r c h e t y p a l n o r t h e r n b a n d .

S e c o n d l y , the l e a d singer IS the n e w M i c k Jagger. H e doesn't s o u n d l i k e h i m p a r t i c u l a r l y , b u t yes, he has the sneer, the a r r o g a n t l o o k a n d the silly epileptic d a n c e . T h e y don't stop t h e r e either. It doesn't take l o n g to see t h e y are u n d e r t h e Beatle's i n f l u e n c e - i n fact its m o r e a l o n g the l i n e s of i n e b r i a t i o n . Still, f o l l o w i n g i n these w e l l w o r n footsteps has p a i d off w e l l . T h e y ' v e b r o u g h t the c o m b i n a t i o n b a n g u p to d a t e a n d p r o d u c e s o m e e x c i t i n g l y fresh a n d s p a r k l i n g l y , s h i n y songs. Just w a t c h i n g f r o m the b a l c o n y , I c o u l d see this b a n d h a v e the u n d e f i n a b l e m a g i c q u a l i t y t h a t c o u l d see them heading in a u p w a r d direction.

D e f i n i t e l y o n e s to w a t c h . T h i s gig w a s f i l m e d a n d Ocean Colour Scene c a n be seen o n S n u b T V o n M o n d a y .

Harry Cross.

Levitation & Catherine Wheel —Underworld

2.3.91

T h e s e t w o b a n d s a r e b o o k e d to p l a y I.C at the e n d of t e r m , so I d e c i d e d to get myself o v e r to C a m d e n a n d see what's i n store for y o u l u c k y b o y s a n d girls. Just b e f o r e I r e v i e w the gig, it m u s t be s a i d full m a r k s to those l o v e l y U n d e r w o r l d p e o p l e - the beer c a m e i n glasses! H a h a , I w a s a r m e d a n d w a i t i n g . So w e r e Catherine Wheel. Ride c o m p a r i s o n s a b o u n d a n d so d i d I as the l e a d singer (strangely w e a r i n g the s a m e top as the p r e v i o u s nights O.C.S singer) l a u n c h e d into s o m e a c u t e l y d e v a s t a t i n g guitar songs. T r e a d i n g t h r o u g h a n a l m o s t classic p o p g e n r e they p l a y e d a w o n d e r f u l l y fluid set w i t h ease a n d c o n f i d e n c e .

T h e h e a d l i n i n g act w e n t to Levitation.

W e r e t h e y s o m e k i n d of Spacemen 31 H a d B i c k e r s gone b o n k e r s ? N o b o d y s e e m e d to k n o w . A s the b a n d c a m e o n , a cautious a u d i e n c e m o v e d t o w a r d the stage. N o b o d y p u s h e d , r u s h e d or s h o u t e d .

V e r y o d d . H o u s e of L o v e t h e y w e r e not.

So w h a t w e r e t h e y ? In essence t h e y l a c k e d focus - w e r e t h e y p o p or sub-pop?

I don't t h i n k t h e y k n e w t h e m s e l v e s .

B i c k e r s s e e m e d to h a v e a g r e a t t i m e w i t h his guitar a n d pedals, a n d he w a s o b l i v i o u s to t h e stilted r e s p o n s e f r o m the c r o w d . T h i s w a s a g i g w h e r e it w a s o b v i o u s l y m o r e fun o n the stage t h a n off.

Harry Cross

Jesus Jones & Soho -T&C Just fifteen m o n t h s ago, L o n d o n - b a s e d 'techno-terrorists' Jesus Jones r e l e a s e d their first a l b u m , Liquidiser, o n the b a c k of the swift rise of the 'Indie' m u s i c scene.

O n l y fifteen m o n t h s later, the Jones' p l a y e d t w o dates at K e n t i s h T o w n ' s T & C , a c c o m p a n i e d b y s u c h p u b l i c i t y (hype?) that touts w e r e l o o k i n g for £35 per ticket (£7 face v a l u e ) o n the n i g h t of the gig.

S t a r t i n g the s h o w for Jesus Jones w e r e S o h o , a f o r m e r club act c u r r e n t l y e n j o y i n g the success of Hippychick (spot the Smith's How Soon is Now guitar sample) a n d p r o m o t i n g their s e c o n d a l b u m , Goddess, before a t o u r i n c l u d i n g a date at the A s t o r i a (24.5). T h e y w e r e enjoyable e n o u g h for a s u p p o r t b a n d , but g a v e too stilted a p e r f o r m a n c e to be satisfying, o n l y r e l a x i n g i n t o their s i m p l e , c a t c h y tunes t o w a r d s the e n d of their set.

T h e y didn't g o d o w n too w e l l w i t h the JJ fans, t h o u g h .

L i g h t s go out, a n d d o w n c o m e the b a c k c l o t h s for JJ's set, d e p i c t i n g the c l o w n s heads w h i c h a r e t h e t h e m e of t h e Doubt tour: the c r o w d go m a n i c . T h a t

m a n i a c o n t i n u e s t h r o u g h the o n e h o u r a n d ten m i n u t e set, o p e n i n g w i t h the m a r g i n a l l y ' b a g g y ' style i n c l u d i n g Right Here, Right Now, International Bright Young Thing a n d Real, Real. ' P e o p l e say w e ' r e just a p o p b a n d ' say the b a n d after IBYT, a n d l a u n c h into t h e i r m o r e f a m i l i a r s t u t t e r i n g w a l l of s o u n d w i t h Trust Me, Stipped a n d Two and Two. M i k e E d w a r d s ' g u i t a r s o u n d , d r e n c h e d w i t h e c h o a n d ADT, d r o v e the c r o w d into a f r e n z y , b r e a k i n g o n l y w i t h the quiet d e a d p a n r a p v o c a l a n d l o w - k e y m o o d y b a c k d r o p of the l i k es of Nothing to Hold Me. A s an e n c o r e , Jesus p r o c l a i m e d ' W e ' r e g o i n g out of h e r e the s a m e w a y y o u w i l l be!' a n d hit a n e x h a u s t e d c r o w d w i t h the a n t h e m i c Pissed. Pissed, e x h a u s t e d a n d e x h i l a r a t e d , w e m a d e o u r w a y h o m e after one of a v e r y e n j o y a b l e gig. Just o v e r one h o u r m a y s e e m short for a set, but w i t h Jesus Jones, it's density that counts a n d not l e n g t h .

Graeme H.

15

Clubs Football I C II—6

Rag SOP-2

IC r e s u m e d t h e i r season after the recent w e a t h e r i n t e r u p t i o n s w i t h an easy v i c t o r y over poor opposition. Hattrick hero A J a l a n , C G i l m o u r the c a n n y Scot a n d the i n e v i t a b l e S B a r r y g a v e IC a five g o a l half-time l e a d . A n e a r l y 2 n d half g o a l b y the ' M A B D O ' m a d e it six. B y t h e n the result wasn't in doubt. T h e m a i n q u e s t i o n w a s w h e t h e r N L e o n a r d the IC C a p t a i n w o u l d w i n a n e a r l y b a t h a w a r d f r o m the Ref.

IC

V - 7

IC

IV-1

O n a t y p i c a l l y w i n d y d a y at H a r l i n g t o n the fifth t e a m dealt out a lesson i n the finer arts of f o o t b a l l that t h e fourths w i l l n e v e r forget. D e c i d i n g to battle against the e l e m e n t s i n the first half the fifths p l a y e d at a l i g h t e n i n g p a c e w i t h H e n d r i c k s o n o p e n i n g the s c o r i n g five m i n u t e s f r o m the off. R e e c e a d d e d the s e c o n d s h o r t l y after a n d the fourths fell to pieces. S t e v e n s a d d e d a t h i r d a n d F e n t o n w i t h a fine i n d i v i d u a l effort m a d e it 4-0 at half t i m e .

A f t e r c o n c e d i n g a g o a l after the i n t e r v a l H e n d r i c k s o n a n d A w a l e p r o v e d there's m o r e t h a n o n e w a y to s k i n a fullback as the l u m b e r i n g D a m o n T h o m a s a n d c o l l e a g u e s w e r e left for d e a d t i m e a n d a g a i n . C o l l i s o n also s c o r e d as the f o u r t h t e a m w e r e left as s p e c t a t o r s at t h e i r o w n f u n e r a l of f o o t b a l l i n a d e q u a c y . In a season of ups a n d d o w n s for the fifths, this m a g n i f i c e n t s e v e n m u s t be the sweetest v i c t o r y of a l l .

Ladies Football Dribblers—11

UCL-0

S u n d a y s a w the D r i b b l e r ' s first g a m e for three w e e k s a n d their first g a m e u n d e r n e w c o a c h N e i l L e o n a r d . It was a n e r v o u s m o r n i n g for the C a p t a i n . A 9 o ' c l o c k meet had been scheduled but a d r u n k e n Debbie Williams had been misinforming n a i v e d r i b b l e r s as to w h e r e a n d w h e n w e w o u l d meet. A f t e r an h o u r , w i t h a t e a m finally a s s e m b l e d , the D r i b b l e r ' s set off to the C h i s s l e h u r s t G r o u n d s . T h e D r i b b l e r s w e r e k e e n to put Neil's n e w tactics i nto p r a c t i c e but n o o n e c o u l d h a v e d r e a m e d h o w successful t h e y w o u l d be. T h e t e a m passed to e a c h other, E t h e l r a n a r o u n d , P e r m i didn't fall o v e r a n d N i n a , yes N i n a , s c o r e d a g o a l ! H o p e , f i n d i n g herself m a r k e d b y e v e r y o n e b a r t h e goalie, played a brilliant game throughout, s c o r i n g a h a t t r i c k i n the p r o c e s s . T h e r e m a i n i n g golas c a m e f r o m P e r m i (5), J o (1) a n d a U C L defender w h o , h a v i n g r e a l i s e d that s c o r i n g past E m m a S i m p s o n w a s out of t h e q u e s t i o n , s l o t t e d o n e past her o w n g o a l i e . E v e n the defender t r i e d to get i n o n t h e act w i t h E t h e l a n d R a c h e l g o i n g o n s e v e r a l g o o d r u n s (yes E t h e l does r u n o c c a s i o n a l l y ) up the p i t c h i nto p r e v i o u s l y u n k n o w n t e r r i t o r y for the D r i b b l e r ' s defence.

A l l i n a l l , a great g a m e for the D r i b b l e r s a n d , alas, the f i n a l g a m e for N i n a G a s c o i g n e . N i n a , w e l l k n o w n star D r i b b l e r is c r a p a n d has b e e n d r o p p e d , I m e a n she w i l l be a w a y for the r e m a i n i n g games.

C o m i c Relief is but a w e e k a w a y . W h a t a r e y o u p l a n n i n g to do? IC R a g is h o l d i n g a B a c k g a m m o n M a r a t h o n i n the J C R a n d also a C i r c l e L i n e p u b c r a w l , the rest of t e r m has c o l l e c t i o n s p l a n n e d for G u i l d f o r d (13 M a r c h ) , C o v e n t G a r d e n P a n d a C o l l e c t i o n (16 M a r c h ) a n d f i n a l l y W i n d s t a r t M a i d e n h e a d (20 M a r c h ) . So c o m e a l o n g for a fun d a y out a n d help i m p r o v e o n the £2,600 a l r e a d y r a i s e d .

Amnesty F r o m T u e s d a y to T h u r s d a y of n e x t w e e k , t h e r e w i l l be a d i s p l a y i n the J C R prepared by the Imperial College Group.

F o u r m a i n t o p i c s w i l l be c o v e r e d , h i g h l i g h t i n g t h e w o r k of A m n e s t y I n t e r n a t i o n a l a n d p a r t i c u l a r l y the c o l l e g e group.

O n Tuesday and Thursday lunchtimes, t h e r e w i l l b e the c h a n c e to t a l k to g r o u p members, w h o will try and answer any questions a b o u t the g r o u p , A m n e s t y ' s p o s i t i o n o n s u c h issues as the Gulf crisis o r its c o n c e r n s i n o t h e r a r e a s of the world.

A s w e l l as t h e u s u a l letter w r i t i n g stall w h e r e y o u are i n v i t e d to s i g n p r e - w r i t t e n letters, there w i l l be a r a n g e of A m n e s t y g o o d s o n sale i n c l u d i n g t-shirts, badges, k e y r i n g s etc. T h e sale of m e c h a n d i s e is an i m p o r t a n t s o u r c e of r e v e n u e for A m n e s t y I n t e r n a t i o n a l so w e h o p e y o u w i l l c o m e a l o n g a n d s u p p o r t this h u m a n rights c h a r i t y .

Cross Country W i t h c o l d , c a l c u l a t e d p r e c i s i o n the w a r r i o r s of d o o m c o m p l e t e d t h e i r e x t e n d e d d e m o l i t i o n of t h e L o n d o n colleges league in p r e d i c t a b l y f l a m b o y a n t fashion last W e d n e s d a y . A n d yet, c o u l d a hint of e m o t i o n be d e t e c t e d as 10 of o u r 12 r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s m a r k e d t h e i r final league r a c e for the college? N a y , twas a m e r e w h i m of fancy, for the T o r c h of H a r r i e r Spirit has passed to the safe hands of P a u l , d e f y i n g m e d i c a l sci ence i n the n a m e of t e a m h o n o u r to h o b b l e r o u n d in 6th p l a c e despite c r i p p l i n g injuries. T h e 3-lap r o a d r a c e of 1 0 k m saw a p r o m i n e n t p h a l a n x of IC vests t h r o u g h o u t , w i t h the a i l i n g P a u l i n i t i a l l y

16

l e a d i n g a g r o u p of A l e x , L a z z a , B i l l a n d F r a n k . A s the distance t o o k its h a r s h t o l l , it w a s F r a n k w h o s t o n k e d t h r o u g h a l l the w a y up to t h i r d , m a r k i n g his f a r e w e l l a p p e a r a n c e w i t h his highest e v e r p l a c i n g .

T h e Cult of A l e x had d e t a c h e d itself f r o m his y o u t h f u l p u r s u e r s to m a k e 8th e v e n y e t a g a i n , w h i l e i n their effort to defeat the b a n e of the league, B i l l a n d L a z z a produced a spectacular and vernacular finale to c l a i m 13th a n d 14th. But the best was yet to c o m e . M a s t e r g r u n t e r E d w a r d s h a d o p t e d to start in last p l a c e , c h o o s i n g to g r i m a c e it up the h o m e straight to l e a d the B-team c h a r g e . C a r l , D a n , Ian a n d D a v e p a c k e d it i n b e t w e e n

41 a n d 49 to r e a f f i r m o u r d e p t h of i n s a n i t y , w i t h H o Y i n also m a k i n g n o t i c a b l e i m p r o v e m e n t . In the two-lap w o m e n s race it s e e m e d a f o r m a l i t y for E d w i g e to f i n i s h a clear s e c o n d , w h i l e H e l e n p r o d u c e d her o w n b r a n d of h e r o i c s b y failing o v e r at h a l f w a y , s p r a i n i n g her a n k l e , a n d t h e n e q u a l l i n g her season's best of n i n t h . T h e season's e n d sees P a u l the i n d i v i d u a l c h a m p i o n b y just o n e point, Edwige second, F r a n k 3rd and Bill 5th, w i t h the first t e a m r u n n i n g a w a y w i t h the h o n o u r s to m a r k t h e passing of an era.

and Societies Splot Soc S a t u r d a y F e b r u a r y 23 s a w the i n a u g u r a l U n i v e r s i t i e s t o u r n a m e n t at P r o S p o r t , n e a r Effingham Junction. The Imperial team, k n o w n l o o s e l y as E m u l s i o n P r o p u l s i o n , Xenomorphs, Eggshell-Finished Death (and a m u l t i t u d e of o t h e r , m o r e i n s u l t i n g names) e n t e r e d t h e i r first o w n - g u n s tourney.

H o t favourites to w i n w e r e K i n g s t o n P o l y (the B l a c k L e g i o n , a p p a r e n t l y ) a n d the A n c h o v i e s (from E s s e x U n i ) . O t h e r participants included Reading, South B a n k P o l y a n d U C L ( m o r e about t h e m later).

T h e format w a s a r o u n d - r o b i n , w i t h the top four t e a m s p l a y i n g off i n s e m i - a n d final games to d e t e r i n e t h e placings, w i t h the b o t t o m t w o teams p l a y i n g to a v o i d b e i n g l a u g h e d at.

First u p against us w e r e the B l a c k L e g i o n , h a v i n g first c o m p l a i n e d about the paint (purple, t o x i c a n d it hurts—just the w a y w e p l a n n e d it...) w e w e r e t h r o w i n g .

B o t h sides w e r e u n d u l y c a u t i o u s , the result e n d i n g i n a d r a w . H a v i n g s o r t e d out o u r tactics (a c o c k t a i l of b l i t z k r i e g , N e w Y o r k Giant-style offensive p l a y , b l i n d l u c k a n d lots of s h o u t i n g t h r o w n in), w e

p r o c e e d e d to s h r e d the r e m a i n i n g o p p o s i t i o n i n g r a n d style. A h u g e l y h o n o u r a b l e m e n t i o n goes to R e a d i n g w h o put up a g o o d fight w i t h o n l y t e n m e n , a n d n o t - s o - h o n o u r a b l e rrrention to S o u t h " B a n k P o l y , w h o lasted a m a g n i f i c e n t four a n d a half m i n u t e s .

Penalties flew t h i c k a n d fast, w i t h points d e d u c t e d for a n y t h i n g f r o m hot guns to i n t e r e s t i n g language. T h e result of the r o u n d - r o b i n phase s a w E m u l s i o n P r o p u l s i o n i n first place, p l a y i n g off against R e a d i n g i n the first semi-final. T h e o t h e r semi-final s a w the m u c h - v a u n t e d (and n o w d e e p purple) B l a c k L e g i o n against U C L .

K i n g s t o n suffered a s h c o k loss to U C L , w h i l e I m p e r i a l p u l l e d off a n o t h e r c o m p r e h e n s i v e v i c t o r y against R e a d i n g .

W e therefore f a c e d U C L for the t r o p h y (a case of T e n n a n t s ) . M a n a g i n g to s n a t c h a defeat f r o m the jaws of v i c t o r y , I m p e r i a l suffered t h e i r first loss of t h e d a y i n a b l a z e of g l o r y , s m o k e (ours) a n d s u i c i d a l tactics. A l l c r e d i t to a c a n n y U C L t e a m w h o sat b a c k a n d w a t c h e d us s h r e d o u r s e l v e s — a t least, K i n g s t o n didn't w i n

(boy, w e r e t h e y pissed off), a n d the U n i v e r s i t i e s of L o n d o n c a r r i e d off the top t w o places.

Film Soc T h e final p r e s e n t a t i o n of t h e t e r m b y F i l m S o c is a n o t h e r classic. T h e f i lm is b y the s u p r e m e master of s u s p e n s e — A l f r e d H i t c h c o c k . It starts the i r r e p r e s s i b l e J a m e s S t e w a r t a n d t h e s t u n n i n g l y beautiful G r a c e K e l l y . Stewart has b e e n c o n s i g n e d to his r o o m due to a b r o k e n leg, a n d to a l l e v i a te the b o r e d o m he resorts to o b s e r v i n g the d a y to d a y life of the residents in the b l o c k of flats opposite his b e d r o o m w i n d o w . O n e night he b e c o m e s the sole witness to a m u r d e r (or does he?). N o o n e else of c o u r s e b e l i e v e s h i m , e x c e p t his g i r l f r i e n d , a n d so the t w o attempt to r e s o l v e the m y s t e r y b y t h e m s e l v e s . T h e p e r f o r m a n c e s are i m m a c u l a t e a n d the d i r e c t i o n faultless.

T h e s h o w starts at 7 . 3 0 p m i n M e c h E n g 220, T h u r s d a y M a r c h 14.

OSC International Night A f t e r a v e r y successful e v e n t a n d before r e t u r n i n g to m y p i l i n g - u p c o u r s e w o r k , I feel I s h o u l d w r i t e a few i m p r e s s i o n s about the I n t e r n a t i o n a l N i g h t ' 9 1 . T h e m a s s i v e effort of countless students a n d most n a t i o n a l societies w a s w e l l justified i n p r o b a b l y t h e c o l o u r f u l e v e n t of the year.

F r o m the o r g a n i s a t i o n a l p o i n t of v i e w it all w e n t quite w e l l . T h e m a i n p r o b l e m w a s the h u g e c r o w d q u e u e i n g outside the e n t r a n c e a n d t r y i n g to get i n t o the a l r e a d y full J C R a n d Great H a l l w i t h o u t having tickets. Fortunately we finally m a n a g e d to c o p e w i t h it. T o o u r d i s a p p o i n t e d visitors I c a n o n l y suggest that t h e y b u y t h e i r tickets e a r l i e r n e x t t i m e (maybe n e x t year's O S C w i l l c o n s i d e r u s i n g t h e A l b e r t Hall!).

O t h e r w i s e , w e h a d few u n e x p e c t e d p r o b l e m s a n d e v e n f e w er c o m p l a i n t s , m a n y of w h i c h w e r e unjustified. T h e vast majority of p e o p l e h a d a w o n d e r f u l t i m e.

Newspapers in Haldane Library A f t e r p o p u l a r d e m a n d , i n the b e g i n n i n g of this y e a r w e negot i at ed w i t h the H a l d a n e L i b r a r y a n d w e a r r a n g e d the display of f o r e i g n n e w s p a p e r s for the benefit of the overseas students. W e

c o m p i l e d a list of t w e n t y or so n e w s p a p e r s that societies w e r e interested to s u b s c r i b e to. H o w e v e r , o n l y a few n e w s p a p e r s a r e d i s p l a y e d i n the H a l d a n e L i b r a r y . T h i s is v e r y e m b a r r a s s i n g because w e i n s i s t e d that p a p e r s s h o u l d be d i s p l a y e d , a n d the l i b r a r y staff k i n d l y a c c e p t e d t h e m despite the t r o u b l e that t h e y h a d h a d i n the past. W h a t h a p p e n e d ? D i d n ' t the societies b o t h e r subscribing? I suggest that overseas students start hassling t h e i r societies about that.

Sabbatical Elections I b e l i e v e that overseas students c a n get m u c h m o r e out of the U n i o n a n d its sabbaticals i n the f o l l o w i n g years b y v o t i n g i n the elections. T h e r e are at least 1,200 o v e r s e a s students w i t h a right to v o t e i n this c o l l e g e; this n u m b e r c a n significantly i n f l u e n c e the o u t c o m e of these elections. In this w a y , the overseas students c a n get c o m m i t m e n t s f r o m the c o m p e t i n g c a n d i d a t e s to p r o m o t e their c o l l e c t i v e interest.

AGM T h e A n n u a l G e n e r a l M e e t i n g of the O v e r s e a s Students C o m m i t t e e is g o i n g to take place o n T h u r s d a y M a r c h 14 at

12.30pm i n r o o m 342 M e c h E n g . In this m e e t i n g , w e w i l l have e l e c t i o n s for the following positions: C h a i r m a n , Vice Chairman, Junior Treasurer, Honorary S e c r e t a r y , E v e n t s Officer, P u b l i c i t y Officer, Sports Officer, W e l f a r e Officer, L i a i s o n Officer a n d s e v e n O r d i n a r y M e m b e r s . A n y o n e w h o w i s h e s to stand for these po s i t i o ns c a n sign up at the O S C n o t i c e b o a r d (no 15) in the m a i n w a l k w a y .

T h e job d e s c r i p t i o n s w i l l b e d i s p l a y e d at this b o a r d .

F o r those w h o don't a l r e a d y k n o w , the O S C is a major s u b c o m m i t t e e of the Students' U n i o n w i t h the f o l l o w i n g activities: it represents o v e r s e a s students in U n i o n c o m m i t t e e s , the U n i o n C o u n c i l , s o m e College c o m m i t t e e s a n d other bodies. It p r o v i d e s a f o r u m for discussion of p r o b l e m s a n d other issues c o n c e r n i n g overseas students. It c o o r d i n a t e s the function of n a t i o n a l societies. It acts as a buffer b e t w e e n these societies a n d the Students' U n i o n . It organises events.

G e n e r a l l y the O S C k e e p s a low-profile a m o n g students. If a n y o n e w a n t s m o r e i n f o r m a t i o n , please c o n t a c t m e , A n d r e a s Massouras, through m y union pigeonhole.

17

Scribblers' Corner LETTERS

What's O n

But By Jingo...

AN

Dear Andy, T h e r e has b e e n a lot of c o n t r o v e r s y over whether our brave and valiant heroes f r o m t h e Gulf s h o u l d r e c e i v e a victory parade w h e n they return. I think t h e y s h o u l d . T h o s e w h o c o m p l a i n are the s a m e b u n c h of pacifist lefties a n d g e n e r a l no-hopers w h o can't wait to k n o c k o u r c o u n t r y at e v e r y o p p o r t u n i t y .

UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

FRIDAY Hang Gliding Southside Upper Lounge. Come and find out about weekend training. Weekly meeting.

Conservative Soc Physics 737.

Yacht Club Meeting Huxley 413.

Rag Meeting Union Lounge.

FBI Soc Room 340 Huxley. MBA—what is it worth and how do I get one?

Huxley Soc Bookstall JCR. Friday Prayers Southside Gym. See Islamic Society.

Kung Fu Union Gym. C.U. Prayer Meeting 413 Maths.

Yoga Southside Christian Union Meeting 308 Computing.

Swimming Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Fencing Club Training Club training.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside G y m .

Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and join in.

Southside Disco Southside Bar.

SATURDAY Kung Fu Club Wu Shu Kwan in Southside G y m .

SUNDAY Sunday Service Anteroom Sherfield Building. See West London Chaplaincy.

Catholic Chaplaincy Mass 53 Cromwell Road.

Wargames / UDH. A l l welcome.

Yoga Southside Gym. Kung Fu Club 4.30pm Wu Shu Kwan in the Union Gym. Catholic Mass 53 Cromwell Road, followed by supper.

MONDAY RockSoc Meeting Southside Upper Lounge. A l l abnormalities welcome.

Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Men's Team.

Keep Fit

18

T h e r e w e r e times, d u r i n g the w a r , that those of us at h o m e c o u l d o n l y w a t c h a n d p r a y that o u r casualties w o u l d be light, and t h a n k goodness t h e y w e r e ! W e w e r e s t r u c k f r o m the start b y the b r a v e r y of our pilots r e t u r n i n g f r o m t h e i r raids o v e r B a g h d a d . So c a l m , so p r o f e s s i o n a l , so B r i t i s h . O u r hearts w e n t out to those families w h o s e sons, d a u g h t e r s or l o v e d ones w i l l n e v e r r e t u r n .

A n d w h a t n o w ? B e f o r e the w a r w e w e r e u r g e d to p l u n g e e v e n d e e p e r into Europe and turn our backs on our A m e r i c a n friends. W h e n t h e chips w e r e d o w n o u r E u r o p e a n 'friends' c o l l a p s e d .

W e B r i t i s h d i d not bottle o u t because o u r actions are not g u i d e d b y n a t i o n a l interest as b y o u r n a t i o n a l c h a r a c t e r . In the 2 n d W o r l d W a r w e t o o k o n H i t l e r to d e f e n d the rights of w e a k e r c o u n t r i e s as w e h a v e d o n e i n the Gulf. W e also

s h o w e d that j u m p e d up A r g i e dictator G a l t i e r i that w e w o u l d s t a n d f i r m o n the F a l k l a n d s . It just w o u l d n ' t h a v e s e e m e d r i g h t to sit b a c k a n d let t h e Y a n k s fight a l o n e . T h i s h i s t o r i c a l l i a n c e of the U n i o n J a c k a n d the Stars a n d Stripes has b e e n f o r g e d i n the b l o o d of o u r h e r o e s .

W e must n e v e r forget t h o s e w h o lost t h e i r lives f i g h t i n g for this c o u n t r y i n a n y battle or w a r . T h e v i c t o r y p a r a d e w i l l p r o v i d e a n e n d to this latest c h a p t e r w h i c h is i m p o r t a n t for the t r o o p s . It w i l l s h o w h o w p r o u d of the B o y s w e r e a l l y are a n d h o w p r o u d w e a r e i n o u r great c o u n t r y . I g n o r e a l l these lefties w h o say belief i n the U n i o n flag is w r o n g . It is not!

I w i l l p r o b a b l y be c a l l e d jingoistic for w r i t i n g this letter. J i n g o i s m c o m e s f r o m the f o l l o w i n g 19th c e n t u r y p o e m : W e don't w a n t to fight, But b y J i n g o if w e do, W e ' v e got the ships, W e ' v e got the m e n , W e ' v e got the m o n e y too.

A n d w h a t t h e h e l l is w r o n g i n that?

British, The very best of Alan Bailey (newly elected SCC Political Rep).

P.S. W h e n ' s the debate?

Sad But True Dear Andy, Y o u are p r o b a b l y r e a d i n g this letter d u r i n g a l e c t u r e — w h y not I w r o t e it d u r i n g one? L e c t u r e s r o u n d here s e e m to fall into t w o categories; those y o u c a n sleep i n a n d those i n w h i c h y o u practise y o u r h a n d w r i t i n g . W e are c o n s t a n t l y faced w i t h b e i n g s l o w l y l u l l e d to sleep b y the n e v e r e n d i n g v o i c e of s o m e professor, t a l k i n g about notes he has a l r e a d y distributed in printed form; followed by a session of f u r i o u s l y c o p y i n g the b l a c k b o a r d to s a v e Imperial's p h o t o c o p i e r s — n e v e r u n d e r s t a n d i n g , just c o p y i n g . I c o u l d h a v e c o l l e c t e d notes a n d c o p i e d the b o a r d w h e n I w a s six; o n l y better t h e n as I wasn't short-sighted.

c o n t r i b u t i n g a n d b e i n g p i c k e d o n kept everyone interested.

T h e p r o b l e m w i t h lecturers h e r e i n E l e c Eng is that the student is just a passive o b s e r v e r , the l e c t u r e r has n o w a y of k n o w i n g h o w m u c h has b e e n u n d e r s t o o d .

It is easier to sit b a c k a n d d a y d r e a m t h a n it is to c o n c e n t r a t e a n d p e o p l e w i l l n o r m a l l y opt for the easiest t h i n g to do.

James Rouse, Elec Eng 2.

Mend-a-Bike

PETER

THOMAS

I o n l y h a d o n e r e a l l y g o o d t e a c h e r at school,- but h e k n e w his j o b so w e l l that he m a d e a l l o u r other t e a c h e r s l o o k e x t r e m e l y p o o r . In his lessons at least 8 0 % of w h a t w a s said c a m e f r o m pupils; this w a y he c o u l d get a l a r g e a m o u n t of feedback o n h o w m u c h t h e class u n d e r s t o o d a n d w h a t speed to go.

E v e r y t h i n g w o u l d be c o v e r e d t w i c e i n a lesson. First t i m e he w o u l d just let a n y b o d y i n the class suggest h o w to p r o c e e d , the o t h e r t i m e he w o u l d p i c k o n i n d i v i d u a l s , m o v i n g a r o u n d e v e r y so often. H i s c h o i c e of m a t e r i a l w a s e x c e l l e n t , just too difficult for a n y one p e r s o n to do, but the w h o l e class c o u l d m a n a g e , a n d the c o m b i n a t i o n of

6 1

LETTERS

All's Fair...?

Dear Andy, President B u s h has said that the w a r against Iraq w a s fought for the ' l i b e r a t i o n of K u w a i t ' , but w h a t e x a c t l y does the ' l i b e r a t i o n of K u w a i t ' a c t u a l l y m e a n ? It seems to m e that K u w a i t , w a s i n part ' l i b e r a t e d ' for the benefit of the p e o p l e l i v i n g i n K u w a i t , so that, i n s o m e sense, it w a s not K u w a i t but a g r o u p of p e o p l e that w e r e ' l i b e r a t e d ' . B u t w h i c h p e o p l e ?

W a s it the K u w a i t i n a t i o n a l s w h o w e r e 'liberated'? T h e E m i r is i m p o s i n g three m o n t h s of m a r t i a l l a w o n K u w a i t (presumably b e c a u s e , as a c c o r d i n g to the Interior M i n i s t e r , 'the cleansing of K u w a i t f r o m the effects of w a r a n d f r o m the fifth columns'...will r e q u i r e s o m e t i m e ' (my italics) a n d K u w a i t i o p p o s i t i o n g r o u p s are f o r c e d to h a v e a c o n f e r e n c e outside t h e i r c o u n t r y , b e c a u s e s u c h a c o n f e r e n c e is forbidden under martial law. A l r e a d y m e m b e r s of t h e K u w a i t i o p p o s i t i o n i n K u w a i t h a v e b e e n assassinated a n d , a c c o r d i n g to senior m e m b e r s of the o p p o s i t i o n , the P l a n n i n g M i n i s t e r h a d s a i d that S y r i a ' s d i s b a n d e d S p e c i a l F o r c e s were being recruited by a young Sabah to ' e l i m i n a t e o p p o s i t i o n ' . Indeed, K u w a i t i s s e e m to h a v e m o r e l i b e r t y h e r e i n B r i t a i n t h a n t hey do i n t h e i r o w n c o u n t r y .

W a s it the p e o p l e w h o w o r k e d i n K u w a i t w h o w e r e 'liberated'? T h e W a s h i n g t o n b a s e d C e n t r e of P o l i c y A n a l y s i s o n P a l e s t i n e has a l r e a d y c a l l e d for m e a s u r e s to p r e v e n t r e t a l i a t i o n against P a l e s t i n i a n s l i v i n g i n K u w a i t , p e o p l e w h o h a v e c o n t r i b u t e d m o r e to the g r o w t h of K u w a i t t h a n the K u w a i t i s t h e m s e l v e s . O n e of the r e a s o n s for the C e n t r e ' s c o n c e r n is that the C r o w n P r i n c e S h e i k h S a ' a d as-Sabah himself h a d s a i d that t hey w i l l b e g i n c h e c k i n g u p o n the Palestinians a n d n o n - P a l e s t i n i a n s w h o m i g h t h a v e b e e n i n the 'fifth c o l u m n ' (certainly a n y 'retaliations' o n the Palestinians c a r r i e d out b y the state w o u l d be m u c h easier u n d e r m a r t i a l law).

So it does n o t s e e m l i k e l y that the w a r w a s fought for the large g r o u p of n o n Kuwaitis living in Kuwait.

W a s the w a r , i n s o m e t w i s t e d w a y , fought for the ' l i b e r a t i o n ' of (he Iraqi p e o p l e ? L i b e r t y i n Iraq w a s not t a k e n v e r y s e r i o u s l y b y the U S w h e n for o v e r t w e n t y y e a r s it a l l o w e d , s u p p o r t e d a n d p r o b a b l y h e l p e d set up the b r u t a l B a ' a t h regime, a regime w h i c h imprisoned, t o r t u r e d a n d k i l l e d t h o u s a n d s of i n n o c e n t A r a b s a n d K u r d s i n Iraq. A n d the thousands of p e o p l e w h o a r e not t r a p p e d in r u b b l e , w h o a r e suffering f r o m disease, and w h o are b e i n g o p e r a t e d o n w i t h o u t anaesthetic b e c a u s e t h e i r c o u n t r y has b e e n ' b o m b e d b a c k into the stone-age', can h a r d l y feel 'liberated'. T h e Iraqi conscripts, w h o p r o b a b l y n e v e r w a n t e d the w a r a n d w e r e b o m b e d e v e n w h i l e

What's O n r e t r e a t i n g b e c a u s e t h e y w e r e a 'threat' c o u l d h a r d l y h a v e felt t h a t t h e y are b e i n g ' l i b e r a t e d ' , a n d n o w that t h e U S , a c o u n t r y w h i c h has i m p o s e d m a n y dictatorships across the w o r l d , is p o i s e d to i m p o s e yet a n o t h e r d i c t a t o r s h i p o n Iraq, it seems v e r y u n l i k e l y that the w a r w a s fought for t h e ' l i b e r a t i o n ' of the Iraqi people.

T h e K u w a i t i n a t i o n a l s h a v e not g a i n e d as m u c h ' l i b e r a t i o n ' as t h e y w o u l d h a v e l i k e d , n o r h a v e the n o n - K u w a i t i s i n K u w a i t , a n d c e r t a i n l y not the p e o p l e of Iraq. W h o t h e n , w a s ' l i b e r a t e d ' i n this w a r ? W e l l for a start t h e r e is the r u l i n g f a m i l y of K u w a i t , Israel hasn't d o n e too b a d l y , a n d t h e U S has c e r t a i n l y m a d e gains i n this w a r . T h e w a r w a s fought so that the S a b a h f a m i l y c o u l d h a v e the f r e e d o m to e x p l o i t the p e o p l e i n K u w a i t and to m a k e m i n d - n u m b i n g l y large a m o u n t s of m o n e y , so that Israel no l o n g e r h a d to d e a l w i t h the 'threat' of Iraq, a n d n o w that it is o n c e a g a i n the strongest state i n the M i d d l e East, c o u l d t a k e e x t r a ' l i b e r t y ' i n s u p p r e s s i n g the P a l e s t i n i a n 'threat', a n d last a n d b y n o m e a n s least, so that the r u l i n g p o w e r s of the U S c o u l d h a v e the f r e e d o m to e x p l o i t the M i d d l e East.

I fully c o n d e m n the i n v a s i o n of K u w a i t b y S a d d a m , a n d w h a t e v e r l e g i t i m a te rights Iraq has to K u w a i t , i n v a s i o n a n d slaughter of i n n o c e n t p e o p l e b y a d i c t a t o r is w r o n g . But I w o u l d lie to m a k e a n e v e n s t r o n g e r c o n d e m n a t i o n of the U S for e n c o u r a g i n g K u w a i t to ' s t a n d f i r m ' a n d not to n e g o t i a t e w i t h Iraq o n the e c o n o m i c p r o b l e m s a n d b o r d e r disputes w h i c h l e d to the i n v a s i o n , w h i l e at the s a m e t i m e g i v i n g a ' g r e e n light' to S a d d a m to i n v a d e K u w a i t , t h e r e b y g i v i n g a p r e t e x t for t h e U S to d e s t o r y Iraq.

Yasir Hassan,

Physics

1.

Industrial Society Arthur Andersen & Co Business Game

at Head Offices W e d n e s d a y 13

March

AN

UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

Southside G y m .

Intermediate Rock n' Roll JCR. Swimming Sports Centre. New members always welcome.

Beginners Rock n' Roll JCR. WellSoc Meeting Physics LT1. Talk by the Aetherius Society.

Water Polo Sports Centre. Come along and try one of the most physically demanding sports.

Latin American JCR.

TUESDAY C.U. Prayer Meeting Chaplain's Office Riding Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge.

AudioSoc S.C.R. for cheap records, CDs and hi fi discounts.

Radio Modellers Southside Lounge.

Cathsoc Mass Mech Eng 702. Followed by lunch.

Sailing Club Southside Lounge.

PhotoSoc Southside Lounge. New members to join.

Radio Modellers Student training workshop, Mech Eng. Keep Fit Southside Gym. Amenesty International Clubs Committee Room. Weekly meeting.

Wine Tasting Soc Union Lounge. Weekly meeting. Everyone welcome Improvers Ballroom JCR. Canoe Club Beit Quad store or 8.30pm in Southside Upper Lounge.

Judo Union Gym. Ballroom Bronze Medal JCR. Yoga Southside G y m .

Cricket Nils Lords. Meet at 7.45pm in Mech Eng Foyer.

Must bring whites.

2.00pm

WEDNESDAY ÂŁ3 deposit cheque payable to ICU/SCC (returnable) send to T i m Taubman, Civ E n g II for details

Keep Fit Southside Gym. Bike Club Southside Lounge.

FBI Soc Room 340 Huxley. Banking: free ÂŁ6 buffet lunch.

What's O n AN

UP-TO-THE-MINUTE GUIDE TO EVENTS

Cycling Training Meet at Beit A r c h .

Wargames UDH. A l l welcome.

Micro Club Meeting Top floor NW corner Union Building. Every week.

Kung Fu Union Gym. DramSoc Union Concert Hall.

WellSoc Trip Trip to Broadcasting House leaving from Southside Upper Lounge.

Diving Swimming Pool.

Shaolin System Nam Pai Chuan Southside G y m .

Basketball Club Volleyball Court. Women's Team Kung Fu Club Union Gym. W u Shu Kwan.

Please Eat Generously Dear Andy, Last F r i d a y ' s C & G D i n n e r a n d D a n c e cost £85 p e r d o u b l e t i c k e t . A p p r o x i m a t e l y 150 couples a t t e n d e d . W h y not h o l d the e v e n t e l s e w h e r e a n d let the ticket p r i c e i n c l u d e a c o n t r i b u t i o n to c h a r i t y ? I a m sure that the 5 3 , 0 0 0 or £4,000 r a i s e d c o u l d go to a v e r y w o r t h y cause, s u c h as feeding those w h o w e r e s t a r v i n g u n d e r r a i l w a y b r i d g e s , w h i l e the y o u n g t u r k s of C i t y a n d G u i l d s C o l l e g e w e r e stuffing t h e i r faces?

It c o u l d be a r g u e d that this e v e n t w a s the students' b i g s p l a s h of the y e a r .

S o m e h o w t h o u g h , I t h i n k these w o u l d - b e captains of i n d u s t r y are a s p i r i n g to h o l d t h e i r c o m p a n y functions at the H i l t o n or Ritz in twenty years time. O n c e again, the cost of a three-course d i n n e r w i l l be h i g h e r t h a n t h e a v e r a g e waitresses weekly take-home pay.

HAIRDRESSERS 15A H A R R I N G T O N R O A D , SOUTH KENSINGTON 071-823 8968

W e have a fantastic offer for all y o u students, a cut w a s h and b l o w d r y b y o u r top stylist ( w h i c h n o r m a l l y costs a r o u n d £21) F o r o n l y £11 M e n

£12 W o m e n

C h e c k us o u t !

J o h n Major's classless s o c i e t y m a y be c h a n g i n g but at I m p e r i a l , the Imperialist ethos lives o n .

Name Withheld by Request.

THURSDAY Fencing Training Intermediate & advanced coaching.

Balloon Club Meeting Southside Upper Lounge.

Y H A Meeting Southside Upper Lounge.

Postgrad Lunch Chaplains Office (10 Princes Gardens). See West London Chaplaincy.

Fencing Training Beginners Training.

Centra] America Week Mech Eng 542. A talk by Tom Letchford, a human rights worker in Guatamala.

Fencing Training General.

Gliding Club Meeting Aero 266. Come and arrange a trial flight. A l l newcomers welcome.

Keep Fit 5.30pm Southside Gym Midweek Service Chaplains Office (10 Prince's Gardens).

New Beginners Ballroom JCR. Judo Union Gym. Improvers Ballroom JCR. Intermediate Ballroom JCR. Southside Disco Southside Bar. ICCAG Soup Run Meet Weeks Hall Basement.

ANNOUNCEMENTS • H A P P Y Birthday Christy, love from your twin brother.

• NICE little earner: Earn £30 on March 13.

See the Union Office for details

20

Imperial College Industrial Society presents

ROBERT MAXWELL His entrepreneurial fingers are in every pie!

Thursday 14th March EVERYONE WELCOME 12.45pm Chemical Engineering LT1

• W H A T IS a n M B A w o r t h ? H o w do y o u get one? F i n d out o n F r i d a y 8th M a r c h at 12. 30pm , M a t h s 340.

ACCOMMODATION • S I N G L E R O O M i n m i x e d flat close to E a l i n g C o m m o n tube, a v a i l a b l e f r o m 18 M a r c h . N/S. £193-50 pern p l us bills. R i n g 081-992 9539 (eve) or M a r y (ext 8845), A m m a d (ext 6751/6776) • L A R G E S I N G L E r o o m to r e n t i n s h a r e d house in F u l h a m . £51 p w p l us bills.

P h o n e 071-385 9252. Close to tube a n d shops.

• S I N G L E a n d d o u b l e r o o m s a v a i l a b l e in six p e r s o n H a m l e t G a r d e n s flats, rents £53 a n d £49 pp p / w r e s p e c t i v e l y (exc bills). C o n t a c t W a r d e n 081-746 3205.

LOST & FOUND • F O U N D : W e d n e s d a y 2 0 t h F e b in the U n i o n . Paisley Scarf. C o n t a c t E m m a o n ext 3621 .

• L O S T : B l u e folder full of d i v i n g slides.

S o m e t i m e last t e r m , S o u t h s i d e . If y o u h a v e t h e m please r e t u r n t h e m to the o w n e r . Pete B o w e n , B i o c h e m 3.

FOR SALE & W A N T E D • F O R S A L E : Ricoh X R X . 35-70mm zoom lens. E x c e l l e n t c o n d i t i o n , h a r d l y used. £150 (due to typesetting error!) C o n t a c t K a v e h v i a the F E L I X Office (ext 3515).

• W A N T E D : B l u e a n d B l a c k Z Z R 1100 complete with sexy male biker in black leathers. C o n t a c t L u c y .

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Our Special Correspondent and Next Year's Editor present...

FELIX

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Across 1. C a r a n d fast or risque' a c t i o n is j o i n e d b y a sea, w e h e a r , h a v i n g absolute control.

6. C a n W a l t e r m i n g l e i n i t i a l l y , is steep sided in Wales!

7. Y e a r s a n d years, are j u g g l e d .

8. O d o r o u s bee, oscillates i n w a t e r perhaps.

10.

12. A t great height a w e l c o m e is h e a r d .

13. S o u n d s , l i k e the m a l e offspring of Imperial College.

14. 50 gives h e l p to s u p p o r t s p i n a l a r e a and becomes relaxed.

18. A m u s i c i a n goes it a l o n e .

19. G a i n s i n i t i a l l y a n d m i x e s u p p o u r , for a collective unit.

21. Enclosed within w i t h i n .

22. P o l i c e m a n ? It b r i n g s y o u to a halt.

23. F o r m e d m e t a l is able, w h e n m a d e of tin.

25. K i c k i n s i d e deserves r e l a t i v e attention.

27. N o n - s i n g u l a r c o m p a n y has g r e e n leaves.

28. T o w n C r i e r m a y b e , but not e v e n p a r t i a l l y a m e m b e r of M I 5 .

Shan's Union Page Overrun Elections B y n o w , e l e c t i o n s are u p o n us. I w i s h a l l candidates g o o d l u c k — m a y the best man/woman win.

Welfare Last w e e k ' s w e l f a r e c a m p a i g n w a s a s t o r m i n g success. M y t h a n k s to e v e r y o n e who helped—especially Riverside who p r o v i d e d the m a t e r i a ls a n d expert i se for the h e a l t h fair.

Accommodati on T h e sale of M o n t p e l i e r has b e e n put o n ice for a further m o n t h p e n d i n g legal technicalities. It is b e c o m i n g i n c r e a s i n g l y c l e a r that the p u r c h a s e of C l a y p o n d s c o u l d p r o v e to be one of t h e costliest e r r o r s the C o l l e g e has e v e r m a d e . W h i l s t the b e d s t o c k has i n c r e a s e d b y 400 places, so has the r e s i d e n c e deficit. 1 s i n c e r e l y hope that w h e n rent levels are set i n A p r i l , students are not a s k e d to b a i l out C o l l e g e for m i s t a k e s m a d e b y exe m p l o y e e s a n d senior officials c o v e r i n g their o w n backs.

Transport V a n i n s u r a n c e is n o w b e i n g h a n d l e d b y E n d s l e i g h . A l l d r i v e r s are r e q u i r e d to fill i n a v a n d r i v e r s ' q u e s t i o n n a i r e . Please see M i c h e l l e i n t h e U n i o n Office if y o u haven't already received one v i a your club/society.

IC ENTS P R E S E N T

Soul Family Sensation Friday 8th March Free before 9.45pm £2.50 after ' ik-Disco till 2am +Bar till lam

E n t ' s Bit T o n i g h t , IC Ent s b r i n g y o u o n e of the 'best n e w b a n d s a r o u n d ' — N M E . T i p p e d as and the n e x t Soul II Soul/Bassomatic something very similar they m a k e a r e f r e s h i n g c o m m e r i c a l s o u n d that w i l l be v e r y b i g if it isn't a l r e a d y . It is free before 9 . 4 5 p m a n d t h e n £2.50 after that. T h e r e w i l l be a di sco until 2 a m a n d a b a r until

Down 1. J o h n n y ' s s h o w of c r e a t u r e t r i c k s (6,5).

2. C o n f u s e d r a t l o w e r s g u a r d , to e x p e r i e n c e h a r d l a b o u r (7).

3. She is s u r r o u n d e d b y w o l v e n y o u n g s t e r s w h o live n e x t d o o r to the S e r a p h s (7).

4. V e r y c o m m o n co-writer of scientific references (2).

5. A desire for a n O r i e n t a l c u r r e n c y (3).

6. Y i t z h a k w a s the foreign m i n i s t e r of Israel, but c h a n g e one letter to fit (5).

9. H o w y o u a r e w e a r i n g it w h e n y o u r size a n d w a s h a b i l i t y hangs u n d e r y o u r chin.

11. N o w d e s c r i b i n g s o m e b o d y h a b i t u a l l y d i s p l a y i n g h u m o u r b y short spasms of the d i a p h r a g m a n d glottis. 12. T h e y do this d o w n i n the d e e p south, o c c a s i o n a l l y whilst weeding.

15. C l i n i c a l l y a bit hot u n d e r the c o l l a r .

16. W h a t y o u d o n ' t get b y b e i n g a scientist!

17. S o m e w o m e n c a n h a v e this o n their heads, or y o u c a n eat it.

20. C o l l o q u i a l of G r e e k N i c h o l a s , juggled to p r o d u c e a p o r c i n e ejaculation.

24. A u f d e u t s c h w o h e m a n n auf d e m l o k a l e geht.

26. G e o g r a p h i c a l l y i n C o r n w a l l , w i t h reference to the a u r o r a .

l a m . Note: o n l y p e o p l e w h o use the e v e n t w i l l be a l l o w e d to use the b a r e x t e n s i o n . O t h e r events w e have this term include: M a r 15—Blow U p / D o d g y Mar 22nd—Levitation/Catherine W h e e l / P a r i s Smith

Editorial It's b e e n a bit of a n i n t e r e s t i n g w e e k . T h e I C U Hustings at St M a r y ' s w a s , b y a l l a c c o u n t s , s o m e t h i n g of a n e v e n t . A s 1 w r i t e t h e ' i n h o u s e ' hustings a r e t a k i n g p l a c e i n t h e J C R . M y life has b e e n fraught w i t h disasters, c u l m i n a t i n g i n a r a t h e r sever (as a n y o n e there c o u l d t e l l y o u ) d r i n k i n g session last n i g h t , i n w h i c h I m a d e full use of t h e m i d n i g h t b a r e x t e n s i o n . T h a n k f u l l y I ' m feeling m u c h better today, m a i n l y due t o s o m e serious t h i n k i n g at about 4.00 a m this m o r n i n g .

T h e r e h a v e also b e e n s o m e r a t h e r w o n d e r f u l things g o i n g o n that h a v e c o m e to m y attention...

B a n k e r s . B i g , stupid, u g l y b a n k e r s H e r e ' s a bit of fun. See if y o u c a n w o r k out t h e b a n k ' s r e a s o n i n g i n t h e f o l l o w i n g situation: A student at I m p e r i a l has t w o overdrafts. O n e is w i t h N a t w e s t (the b r a n c h i n college), a n d o n e w i t h B a r c l a y s (his h o m e b r a n c h ) . B o t h o f the overdrafts are large (the B a r c l a y s o n e just u n d e r £2000, t h e N a t w e s t r o u g h l y t w i c e that).

T h e student gets a full g r a n t , his parent c a n n o t afford t o g i v e h i m a n y m o r e m o n e y , a n d has n o savings o r i n c o m e of a n y other k i n d , o t h e r t h a n that w h i c h he earns b y w o r k i n g d u r i n g t e r m t i m e o r h o l i d a y s (although h o l i d a y s a r e s o m e t h i n g of a p r o b l e m , as he lives i n t h e c o u n t r y , a n d doesn't drive).

W i t h debts of this size h e realises that he r e a l l y s h o u l d b e a g o o d b o y a n d n o t m a k e t h e m a n y larger. T h u s , b e i n g a n o p t i m i s t i c t y p e , he decides to l i v e o n his

grant (ho, h o , ho). A t this p o i n t i n t h e y e a r he's n o t d o i n g so b a d l y . H e hasn't u s e d his b a n k a c c o u n t s at a l l , a n d has sent a letter to b o t h b a n k s , e x p l a i n i n g that he has t h r o w n his c h e q u e - b o o k a w a y , a n d w i l l b e p a y i n g b a c k as m u c h as he c a n o v e r the s u m m e r . S e e m fair enough?

a n d save all t h e hassle a n d p o i n t l e s s c o u r t cases? O r a m I m i s s i n g s o m e t h i n g ? T h e o t h e r t h i n g is that t h e o v e r d r a f t w a s n ' t e v e n u n a u t h o r i s e d ! T h e b a n k let t h e student have t h e m o n e y ! F r o m a l l accounts, t h e y didn't e v e n k i c k u p m u c h of a fuss!

T h e n , i n t h e i r infinite w i s d o m (?), B a r c l a y s d e c i d e to ask the student for t h e i r m o n e y . O n l y t h e y d o it b y s e n d i n g h i m a c o u r t s u m m o n s . S o t h e student rings the b a n k , to e x p l a i n t h e situation.

T h e n , guess w h a t ? T h e b a n k says 'It's out of o u r hands, y o u ' l l h a v e to speak to t h e solicitors'. S o t h e student r i n g s t h e solicitors, a n d e x p l a i n s the s i t u a t i o n (ie he has n o m o n e y ) . Guess What? T h e solicitors s a y 'There's n o t h i n g w e c a n d o .

W e h a v e to t r y to get t h e m o n e y for o u r client'. ' B u t ' says t h e student 'I h a v e n o m o n e y ' . Guess w h a t ? T h e solicitors say there's n o t h i n g t h e y c a n d o . If the student can't raise just u n d e r £2000 i n 30 days, it's g o i n g to c o u r t .

M o r e m o n e y matters H e r e ' s s o m e m o r e fun. C o l l e g e A c c o m m o d a t i o n ! W h y can't I m p e r i a l get the h a n g of it? T h e c o l l e g e is b e i n g r u n i n a m o r e a n d m o r e business-like m a n n e r .

New directors are being appointed almost w e e k l y , a n d b e i n g p a i d l a r g e (ie a lot m o r e t h a n t w o grand) a m o u n t s of m o n e y to d o w h a t e v e r t h e y d o (?).

N o w p e r h a p s I'm m i s s i n g s o m e t h i n g , but t h e w a y I see it, £2000 is n o t a huge a m o u n t of m o n e y i n terms of w h a t y o u c a n a c t u a l l y b u y w i t h it. I h a v e friends b a c k at h o m e w h o a r e 18, a n d h a v e about £30000 w o r t h of debt i n t h e f o r m of credit a n d mortgages. T h e a v e r a g e starting w a g e of a n IC g r a d u a t e is a r o u n d £15000. A l s o , if t h e student doesn't h a v e the m o n e y , w h a t ' s the p o i n t i n sueing?

W h y n o t w a i t u n t i l the student graduates, a n d get b a c k t h e t w o g r a n d , plus interest,

The Easter Felix is c o m i n g to t o w n o n W e d n e s d a y 2 0 t h M a r c h a n d it's g o i n g to b e a biggie.

B e c a u s e of this t h e r e is n o F e l i x n e x t F r i day; g i v i n g us t i m e for p r o d u c t i o n of t h e e n d of t e r m whopper. T o a l l those w h o w i s h to m a k e a c o n t r i b u t i o n see us ASAP...like by Monday lunchtime OooKay. After distribution o n Wednesday morning t h e r e is g o i n g to b e a b i g G e r m a n style breakfast, so a n y b o d y w h o s e g o i n g to j o i n us h a d better tell m e a b o u t it s o o n . It's goi n g t o b e o n e h e l l of a Freebie!

B u t is a c c o m m o d a t i o n b e i n g r u n well?

T h e rent i n S o u t h s i d e is £47 a w e e k at the m o m e n t . N e x t y e a r it w i l l b e g o i n g u p to £50. Y e t i n m y first y e a r (two y e a r s ago), it w a s o n l y £45. A n d I s e e m to r e m e m b e r b e i n g a s s u r e d t h a t it w o u l d b e f r o z e n for t h r e e y e a r s . H m m m . T h e r e a r e other colleges i n L o n d o n w h i c h o w n residences o n C r o m w e l l R o a d , a n d c h a r g e o n l y £20-30 a w e e k .

T h e a c c o m m o d a t i o n office a p p a r e n t l y has large debts to p a y off. B u t w h y d o t h e y h a v e b i g debts a n y w a y ? I a d m i t that things c a n go w r o n g i n business, but t h e r e c o m e s a p o i n t w h e n y o u h a v e to w o n d e r h o w m u c h is b a d l u c k , a n d h o w m u c h is b a d m a n a g e m e n t ?

N o w , t o t o p it off, t h e y ' r e c h a r g i n g students full rent t o l e a v e their stuff i n their rooms o v e r the Easter holidays! T h e r e a s o n for this appears to b e t o get t h e students out of hall, as the c o n f e r e n c e l e t t i ng has a p p a r e n t l y b e e n o v e r s u b s c r i b e d b y about 2 0 % . B u t the best t h i n g is that t h e y ' r e d o i n g i t t o students w h o live i n h a l l s that aren't e v e n b e i n g used for t h e l e t t i n g s c h e m e . A N D t h e decision was apparently made without c o n s u l t i n g A N Y of the p e o p l e that s h o u l d h a v e b e e n . H o , ho, ho, w h a t a great bit of fun! W h a t a p i l e of s m e l l y stuff that you wouldn't want to be i n , more like.

Credits Printing a n d Typesetting: A n d y and Rose N e ws E d i t o r : A n n a Arts Editor: A d a m T Books Editor: Michael Music Editor: John Photo Editor: R i c h a r d Features Editor: R o l a n d T h e G a n g : Stef, J a m e s , Ian, J o n t i , N i g e l , and all the reviewers.

T h e C o l l a t o r s : A l l the s t a l w a r t s , a n d a n y b o d y else that turns up.

F e l i x is p r o d u c e d f o r a n d o n b e h a l f of t h e I m p e r i a l

PS

VOTE!

College

U n i o n P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d a n d is p r i n t e d b y t h e I m p e r i a l College

U n i o n Print Unit, Prince Consort Road, L o n d o n S W 7

2 B B (Tel 071-225 8672). Editor: A n d r e w

Butcher.

Chris Stapleton, Business Manager: J e r e m y F e l i x 1991. ISSN

Manager:

Burnell.

Copyright

1040*711.

23

Exercise your rights over the choice of next year's Get out and vote!

N

sabbaticals.

Democracy Time

Elections B y n o w , elections a r e u p o n us. I w i s h a l l c a n d i d a t e s g o o d l u c k — m a y t h e best man/woman win.

Welfare Last w e e k ' s w e l f a r e c a m p a i g n w a s a s t o r m i n g success. M y t h a n k s to e v e r y o n e w h o helped—especially Riverside w h o p r o v i d e d t h e materials a n d expertise for the h e a l t h fair.

Accommodati on T h e sale of M o n t p e l i e r has b e e n p u t o n ice for a further m o n t h p e n d i n g legal t e c h n i c a l i t i e s . It is b e c o m i n g i n c r e a s i n g l y clear that t h e p u r c h a s e of C l a y p o n d s c o u l d p r o v e to b e o n e of t h e costliest e r r o r s t h e C o l l e g e has e v e r m a d e . W h i l s t the be ds t o ck has i n c r e a s e d b y 400 places, so has t h e r e s i d e n c e deficit. I s i n c e r e l y h o p e that w h e n rent l e v e l s a r e set i n A p r i l , students a r e n o t a s k e d to b a i l o u t C o l l e g e for m i s t a k e s m a d e b y e x e m p l o y e e s a n d s e n i o r officials c o v e r i n g their o w n backs.

Transport V a n i n s u r a n c e is n o w b e i n g h a n d l e d b y E n d s l e i g h . A l l d r i v e r s a r e r e q u i r e d to fill i n a v a n d r i v e r s ' q u e s t i o n n a i r e . Please see M i c h e l l e i n t h e U n i o n Office if y o u haven't already received o n e v i a your club/society.

H o w to Vote A t Imperial w e operate a system called Single T r a n s f e r a b l e V o t e .

C a n d i d a t e s a r e listed i n a l p h a b e t i c a l o r d e r o n t h e ballot slips. O n e slip p e r post.

Y o u place a ' 1 ' against t h e c a n d i d a t e of y o u r first p r e f e r e n c e ; a ' 2 ' for t h e s e c o n d a n d c o n t i n u e u p to t h e n u m b e r of candidates i n c l u d i n g N e w E l e c t i o n . Y o u must start t h e sequence w i t h a ' 1 ' , n o n u m b e r c a n a p p e a r m o r e t h a n o n c e , it must b e c o n s e c u t i v e a n d n o o t h e r m a r k can appear o n the paper (marks include ticks a n d crosses). Y o u c a n transfer y o u r v o t e to as m a n y o r as f e w candidates as you wish.

V o t i n g takes place i n e a c h d e p a r t m e n t plus c o m m o n areas a n d a r e identified b y a ballot b o x a n d a p e r s o n m a n n i n g it.

W h e n y o u go to v o t e y o u w i l l n e e d to produce your Union card w h i c h will be punched. Y o u will be given your voting slips plus a slip w e a r e u s i n g to d e t e r m i n e w h o is v o t i n g . If y o u d o p u t o t h e r m a r k s o n t h e paper, it w i l l n o t b e i n c l u d e d i n the count, so please ask for a replacement form from the person m a n n i n g the b o x .

Please v o t e as y o u r v o t e counts a n d it is y o u r U n i o n .

REMEMBER YOUR UNION CARD!

The following are valid papers Candidate A Candidate B

1

Candidate C

X

New Election

3

Candidate A Candidate B New Election

I

Candidate A

t

New Election

I

T h e f o l l o w i n g a r e i n v a l i d papers: Candidate A y

Candidate B Candidate C New Election

Candidate A Candidate B New Election

Candidate A

•+

New Election

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Benjamin Turner's DP Shit Bit 1. F i n a n c e U n i o n F i n a n c e C o m m i t t e e has d e l i b e r a t e d o v e r n e x t y e a r ' s budget. I m i g h t b r i n g this budget to t h e f o r t h c o m i n g U G M , so that w e c a n a l l see w h a t o u r m o n e y w i l l be spent o n .

2. Security & Event s Last F r i d a y ' s I n t e r n a t i o n a l Night p r o v e d to b e so p o p u l a r that difficulties i n organisation and security were e x p e r i e n c e d . T h i s a l l adds further w e i g h t to m y p r e v i o u s a r g u m e n t s that I C U

IMPERIAL C O L L E G E EXPLORATION BOARD 1990 P R E S E N T A T I O N 13th March, 2pm Read Lecture Theatre A r e v i e w of all of last year's expeditions. A n y o n e interested is w e l c o m e to attend—particularly those w h o are t h i n k i n g of organising a n expedition next year.

requires a n E v e n t s M a n a g e r , to coordinate events and introduce ongoing a d v i c e a n d p r o f e s s i o n a l i s m to a d d to t h e e n t h u s i a s m of t h e student g r o u p s that o r g a n i s e t h e events.

3. P r o m o t i o n s S o m e t h i n g else that a n E v e n t s M a n a g e r c o u l d get t h e i r teeth into; t h e U n i o n n o w has loads of p o t e n t i a l for a greatly i n c r e a s e d E n t s p r o g r a m m e , w e just n e e d the ideas for p r o m o t i o n s a n d forms of a d v e r t i s i n g — g o t a n y suggestions, c o m e into t h e U n i o n Office a n d talk to M a n d y H u r f o r d ( U n i o n M a n a g e r ) o r myself.

4. A c a d e m i c A f f a i r s T h e A c a d e m i c Affairs H a l f - D a y w a s a reasonable success, w i t h a b o u t t h i r t y student a c a d e m i c r e p r e s e n t a t i v e s t u r n i n g up to discuss t o p i c a l issues, a n d to listen to s o m e of t h e Rector's v i e w s o n these.

5. D e v e l o p m e n t s W h a t d o y o u t h i n k w e c o u l d d o to t h e J C R to t u r n it i n t o a place that t h e a v e r a g e student identifies as b e i n g part of the U n i o n , a r o o m that a n y student g r o u p c a n b o o k out f o r functions, discos, etc?

6. Interviewing f o r U n i o n Staff B e e n i n v o l v e d i n lots of these, w i t h m o r e to c o m e .