/1998_1105_A by Ravi Pall

5 D

W h o

H a v e the

Tony

d o n e

M i t c h e s o n ?

sabbs

their

Exclusive:

job?

H e g l e y

John

interview

Once More Unto

the

Polls, Dear Friends

TEAM

ÂŁ80.

H e also e x p r e s s e d a desire t o

change

the

format

the

ICU

the

March

two

extra r o u n d s of e l e c t i o n s

1997

voting;

despite the

Only three months after the last

H u s t i n g s ( M o n d a y 16 February) t o

v o t e r s still c h o s e N e w E l e c t i o n . The

round of elections, IC students

allow more debating and question-

t o p job w a s o n l y filled in N o v e m b e r

are

ing b e t w e e n the c a n d i d a t e s .

by A n d y H e e p s , f o r c i n g his p r e d e -

being

called

vote

once

more. Four one-year-long union

O n t h e subject of N e w E l e c t i o n ,

jobs are available, for which stu-

r u n n i n g for all p o s t s , A n d y

dents are invited to run for elec-

e x p l a i n e d that it w a s o n l y ther e for

tion.

students

Sabbatical

elec-

papers

have

tion

dissatisfied with

Heeps all

the

c e s s o r , Eric A l l s o p into a t e r m of office of r e c o r d length in o r d e r t o administer the belated against

four

have

far p u t

Cooper

that ing

David

for

are

running

Deputy (Clubs and

HiMkÂŤr

ÂŤ

Prospective

for

6pm

poser

President

Felix

Friday

o n t h e first floor of the

N e i t h e r Situations Vacant

union

the four current sabbatical incumbents sitting pretty Photo:

building

just

o u t s i d e . t h e I C U office.

Virginia

was

press.

February, o n the p a p e r s

c a n d i d a t e has a p r o g o i n g to

candi-

d a t e s m u s t sign u p by

President

ICU

In he

fight."

&. S o c i e t i e s )

respectively.

stand-

positions.

w a n t e d "a g o o d , clean

and Hellard

(Computing/Maths II)

hope

students

c o n c l u s i o n he s a i d

(Composites

Postgraduate)

his

many

w o u l d consider

Simon

Mr.

suggested,

|fj| e x p r e s s i n g

candidates

their n a m e s .

them,"

Heeps

now been up a week, and

p o l l i n g . "If

y o u don't like a c a n d i d a t e , t h e n run

H u s t i n g s are o n 16,

Felix l e a r n e d

9 February, w i t h v o t i n g in all

c a n d i d a t e s , a n d that it s h o u l d n ' t be

and

W e d n e s d a y that Jon L a m b e r t , I C U

run as a c a m p a i g n . Last y e a r s a w

departments

C o u n c i l C h a i r , w o u l d also be s t a n d -

the p r e s i d e n c y r e m a i n i n g v a c a n t in

February.

and

ing for I C U P r e s i d e n t but has y e t t o sign u p . "I've g o t a lot o u t of the u n i o n for m y four y e a r s here," told

Felix,

" A n d it's

something

want to d o . " H e s e e m e d

t House Awash

sanguine

that t h e r e w o u l d not be a r e p e a t of last

year's

triple-election

rounds.

" M o s t of that after the first r o u n d was

people

seeing

would

what

h a p p e n , a n d t h e y d i d . " H e felt that

with Dosh

his biggest c h a l l e n g e w a s "a w h o l e

e ' r

l o a d of m e d i c a l s t u d e n t s o n c a m -

Imperial College Boat C l u b

pus, a n d we're s t r e t c h e d e n o u g h as

been awarded ÂŁ 7 0 3 , 5 0 0 to sup-

it is." M r . L a m b e r t h a d y e t t o find

port

proposer

seconders,

but

said

that "it w a s in t h e p i p e l i n e . "

T w o c a n d i d a t e s are r u n n i n g for

Felix Editor; A l o k Jha (Physics

former

novices

major

Putney

overhaul

training

has

site.

T he P u t n e y b o a t h o u s e

project

will result in larger ladies c h a n g i n g

its

r o o m s , n e w k i t c h e n facilities, g y m ,

The

a w o r k s h o p and a physiotherapy

N a t i o n a l Lottery S p o r t s Fund has

r o o m as w e l l as 8 s t u d y b e d r o o m s

a s s i g n e d the m o n e y t o the c l u b o n

w h i c h will be preferentially o f f e r e d

IV)

a c o n d i t i o n a l basis; the c o n t r i b u -

t o the b o a t club's s t u d e n t c o m m i t -

t i o n is p r e s e n t e d as part of a c o n -

tee m e m b e r s .

have b e e n p r o p o s e d a n d the latter

tractual a g r e e m e n t that details the

year,

Ed S e x t o n fully

signed

(Biology III).

seconded. up

(Finances Andy stated

30 January 1998

Both

and is

Issue 1105

number

a m o n g s t its i n t e r n a t i o n a l a t h l e t e s .

for

Deputy

one

has

President

Services). Heeps,

that t h e

ICU

standards

rules a n d

the

project. The

President,

a n d o b j e c t i v e s of

the

available

O n c o m p l e t i o n this

new to

facilities

local

club

The

club

captain

Jules

r a n k e d a m o n g s t t h e t o p 5 in t h e

D a v e n p o r t r e f e r r e d t o the grant as an " e x c i t i n g d e v e l o p m e n t " , a d d i n g

regula-

c o u n t r y w i t h its w o m e n w i n n i n g 3 H e n l e y titles last y e a r a n d the m e n

that

after-

r e a c h i n g the finals in 3 c a t e g o r i e s .

o p p o r t u n i t y for t h e

n o o n (Friday 3 0 January), a n d has

The c l u b , o f t e n v i e w e d as i n a c c e s -

s t a t e d that t h e m a x i m u m a c a n d i -

sible t o the u n i n i t i a t e d , b o a s t s a

d a t e m a y s p e n d o n publicity will be

be and

W a n d s w o r t h leisure g r o u p s . illustrious boat

t i o n s g o v e r n i n g the e l e c t i o n s w o u l d available f r o m h i m this

will

schools

it the

provides club

continued

excellent

"pre-eminence be

improved".

three

NEWS

Br?-*

Tory Rebel Speaks Out ANDY

SINHARAY

IC's Conservative Society played host to )ohn Wilkinson, MP for Ruislip North, on Wednesday. In a half-hour long talk the former RAF Pilot, who first entered politics nearly thirty years ago, expounded his views on Europe, a matter which he described as "close to my heart". H e h a d v o t e d against the t h e n C o n s e r v a t i v e G o v e r n m e n t o n the M a a s t r i c h t M o t i o n in 1 9 9 2 , a n d had the w h i p r e m o v e d after a b s t a i n i n g o n the S e c o n d R e a d i n g of the EC Finance Bill in 1 9 9 4 . M r . W i l k i n s o n s a i d that after the D a n i s h a n t i - M a a s t r i c h t v o t e , he h a d b e e n c o m p e l l e d t o r e a d t h e Treaty for he felt made himself, w h i c h d e m a n d s o n the n a t i o n w h i c h h a d not been p r e s e n t e d t o the v o t e s at the last e l e c t i o n . "It w a s a d a w n raid," he s a i d . H e a l s o s p o k e of the "awful e x p e r i e n c e of l o s i n g a g e n e r al e l e c t i o n . . . [which w a s d u e ] t o our inability t o c o m e c l e a n t o the voters" o n E u r o p e a n p o l i c y . "I felt defeat w a s inevitable," he a d d e d , s a y i n g he felt the R e f e r e n d u m Party w a s right t o call for a n a t i o n - w i d e ballot o n m o n e t a r y u n i o n .

M r . W i l k i n s o n w e n t o n t o say that a l t h o u g h the present g o v e r n m e n t realises the U K e c o n o m y is o u t o f p h a s e w i t h t h e rest of E u r o p e , he s a i d he w a s h a p p i e r w i t h t h e current Tory line o n the matter u n d e r H a g u e than u n d e r M a j o r . In g e n e r a l he felt that closer E u r o p e a n integration w a s e x p e n sive, not m e r e l y financially but a l s o in t e r m s of b o t h p o w e r a n d sovereignty. The C o m m o n Agricultural Policy, he s a i d , w a s an " i n t e r n a tional s c a n d a l . . . rigged, c r o o k e d , f r a u d u l e n t . . . t h e E U runs the m o s t highly p r o t e c t i o n i s t p o l i c y t o k e e p prices artificially high." This w o r k e d against trade with the former Communist states and the D e v e l o p i n g W o r l d . Smaller states w e r e better, he felt, as the voters w e r e c l o s e r t o their e l e c t e d representatives. But in s p i t e of w h a t m a n y c o n s i d e r t o be E u r o - s c e p t i c a l v i e w s , he a d d e d that his objections w e r e principally t o w a r d s E u r o p e a n i n t e g r a t i o n in p r e s e n t f o r m . H e c l o s e d w i t h the remark, " W e have a v i s i o n of a c o m m u n i t y of states w h i c h accords better with our interests, their interests a n d the p r i n c i p l e s of d e m o c r a c y w e h o l d dear."

3 0 January

News in BIOCHEM

BONUS

# A t e a m f r o m Imperial has w o n a national c o m p e t i t i o n o r g a n i s e d by the Y o u n g Entrepreneurs S c h e m e (YES), w h i c h a i m s t o t e a c h y o u n g scientists h o w to deal with investors a n d the City. Each t e a m in the c o m p e t i t i o n h a d t o s u b m i t a realistic business plan, a n d the best t w o of e a c h region w e r e g i v e n the chance to convince a panel of judges of their suitability t o run a company. T h e IC t e a m , I n C a p T e c h n o l o g i e s , c o n s i s t e d of Sarah Cant, V i o l a Stoll, Kian H e n g N g , . Alan Tang and Leonor Galvao, w h o p a t e n t e d an insulin pill after c o n d u c t i n g research in A m e r i c a , Israel a n d the U K . InCap w a s selected as o n e of the best t w o in the r e g i o n , a n d w e r e sent t o the D e p a r t m e n t of Trade a n d Industry for the finals. H e r e , t h e y p r e s e n t e d their i d e a s a n d business plans a l o n g s i d e five o t h e r finalists, a n d w o n o v e r a l l . The M a n a g i n g Director, Sarah Cant, told Felix that the w h o l e experience had been extremely useful and

1998

w o r t h w h i l e , a d d i n g that she and her c o m p a n y h a d learnt a lot about all areas of i n d u s t r y .

TITS O U T THE

FOR

GENTLEMEN

King's College London have a l l o w e d a s o c i e t y b a s e d o n the " a p p r e c i a t i o n o f t h e art o f t h e h u m a n f o r m " t o be ratified by their S p o r t s a n d S o c i e t i e s B o a r d . The ' G e n t l e m e n ' s V i e w i n g S o c i e t y ' is o p e n t o "all the m e m b e r s of King's, of all sex, race a n d r e l i g i o n " , but is t h o u g h t by s o m e t o be an excuse to watch hard core pornographic films. The S o c i e t y has d e n i e d all allegations of b e i n g i n v o l v e d with p o r n , s t a t i n g that they will run an historical c o u r s e i n c l u d i n g e x a m i n a t i o n s . Ki n g' s S p o r t s a n d S o c i e t i e s B o a r d ratified the s o c i e t y , w i t h t h o s e in favour i n c l u d i n g the President of the Jewish Society and t h e h e a d of the C h r i s t i a n U n i o n .

Students Driven Mad

Gas a Deadly Danger

ANDY

HARRIES

A report in the Guardian this week claimed that 35% of academics have dealt with students with mental health p r o b l e m s . The survey, c o m m i s s i o n e d by the f u n d i n g council's ' S p e c i a l Initiative to Encourage High Quality Provision for Students with Learning Difficulties and Disabilities,' w a s c a r r i e d o u t at Hull University. M a n y respondents were aware of their o w n l i m i t a t i o n s in d e a l i n g s w i t h mentally ill s t u d e n t s . It h a d been n o t i c e d that m a n y s t u d e n t s , especially foreigners, are n o t k e e n o n c o n s u l t i n g university c o u n s e l lors, since that w o u l d i n v o l v e an a d m i s s i o n of p r o b l e m s w h i c h t h e y feel unable t o d e a l w i t h . M a n y are also afraid that s u c h an a d m i s s i o n m a y affect their p r o g r e s s or refere n c e s . The c o n f i d e n t i a l i t y of c o u n selling services c a n infuriate t e a c h ing staff, k e e n t o m o n i t o r s t u d e n t progress a n d t o s e e w h a t s u p p o r t

is n e e d e d . O f t e n , it is friends w h o are the first t o n o t i c e p r o b l e m s like anorexia and bulimia. M o r e probl e m s arise w h e n s t u d e n t s refuse t o a l l o w families t o be i n f o r m e d , as staff feel they c a n n o t give s u p p o r t w i t h o u t parental b a c k - u p . A n o t h e r p o t e n t i a l p r o b l e m lies in G P s not having patient case histories. W h e n m o v i n g t o university a n d c h a n g i n g G P s , r e c o r d s are s l o w t o transfer t o the n e w G P , leaving t h e m u n a w a r e of past m e n t a l p r o b lems. GPs often provide access to other specialist m e n t a l health services. A c a d e m i c s ' realisation of their inexperience provokes d e m a n d s for greater p a s t o r a l care. The r e s e a r ch s h o w s the n e e d for universities t o redefine their w e l fare p r o v i s i o n , a n d t o ensure that a c a d e m i c s have e n o u g h resources to properly help students. The researchers c o m m e n t e d " W e are a l o n g w a y f r o m a c h i e v i n g an a t m o s p h e r e in w h i c h m e n t a l p r o b l e m s c a n be... effectively a d d r e s s e d " .

b e e n d e c l a r e d safe w i t h i n the last I 2 m o n t h s , a n d the N U S in particular has r e q u e s t e d that "all stuStudents are being urged to check faulty gas a p p l i a n c e s . d e n t s s h o u l d m a k e sure they see According to the National Union this certificate n o w , or call the gas of Students, ten deaths have safety a c t i o n line. " M r . T h o m s o n also u r g e d s t u d e n t s t o c h e c k that occurred in student houses in any faulty a p p l i a n c e s h a d been recent years, due to the inhalation of carbon monoxide from c h e c k e d , t h o u g h t o his k n o w l e d g e there h a d b e e n n o s e r i o u s incifaulty equipment. S t u d e n t s in p r i d e n t s i n v o l v i n g Imperial students v a t e l y - r e n t e d a c c o m m o d a t i o n are b e l i e v e d t o be particularly at risk as a n d faulty h e a t i n g . M r . T h o m s o n t o l d Felix that t h o u g h p e o p l e have the N U S alleges that d i s h o n e s t been concerned about carbon l a n d l o r d s , c l a i m i n g t o have safe m o n o x i d e levels w h e r e detectors boilers a n d heaters in o r d e r t o have p i c k e d it u p , "I thankfully avoid repair costs, have been h a v e n ' t c o m e a c r o s s a n y o n e being r e s p o n s i b l e for s t u d e n t d e a t h s . The ill d u e t o c a r b o n m o n o x i d e p o i s o n winter weather encourages stuing... w e d o have posters and dents to s p e n d more time indoors l e a f l e t s a v a i l a b l e in t h e u n i o n a n d d e a t h s are the m o s t prevalent at this t i m e of year. "Late January office," he s a i d , a n d he a d d e d that a n d early February is the p e a k a n y o n e w o r r i e d a b o u t the issue is w e l c o m e t o d i s c u s s the matter t i m e , " an N U S s o u r c e t o l d Felix. w i t h h i m . M r . T h o m s o n c a n be " W e always take this very serir e a c h e d o n x 4 8 0 6 7 . The gas safety ously," said Martin Thomson, a c t i o n line c a n be c a l l e d free on U n i o n A d v i s o r at I C U . A l l l a n d l o r d s , 0800 300363. he s a i d are legally r e q u i r e d t o p r o v e that all gas e q u i p m e n t has

SINHARAY

NEWS

3 0 January 1 9 9 8

Life is

t a Dream" for ICU

t Club "overcrowding"

continued from page one Bill M a s o n , t h e club's c o a c h , was also pleased with the a w a r d , stating that t h e L o t t e r y Sports Fund has " r e c o g n i s e d w e are a c e n t r e o f e x c e l l e n c e " . H e views the grant as a c k n o w l e d g e m e n t of t h e club's i m p r e s sive a c h i e v e m e n t s a n d its c o n sistency at all levels. T h e a w a r d makes up only a minority of the to ta l c o s t o f t h e project, l e a v i n g IC r e s p o n s i b l e for t h e r e m a i n d e r . Bill M a s o n a n s w e r e d a c c u sations o f d i s p r o p o r t i o n a t e a l l o c a t i o n of f u n d s by referring t o the gruelling work regime a d o p t e d b y club m e m b e r s . H e s a w t h e project as just r e w a r d for t h o s e s u c h as their i n t e r n a tionals w h o train 15 t i m e s a w e e k regardless o f c o n d i t i o n s . M r . M a s o n feels t h e p r o j e c t will address current p r o b l e m s of

a n d in

some

a r e a s " p r i m i t i v e " facilities. The

Boat

prospects been

Club's

future

been

further

have

further

enhanced

by a n

offer f r o m C a r l t o n T e l e v i s i o n for an alternative b o a t race i n v o l v i n g Imperial force

College

and

another

in British r o w i n g in t h e

University of L o n d o n . Although are o n l y at a n "infancy

plans

stage" it is likely t h e e v e n t will be held 3 w e e k s before the O x f o r d Cambridge race.

T h e high p r o -

file e v e n t c o u l d attract lucrative sponsorship

and

deals

recruitment.

Bill

boost Mason

a s s e s s e d IC's p r o s p e c t s

in t h e

race a s "excellent" a n d is c o n v i n c e d t h e e v e n t will represent a "new

dimension

university

sport".

Sri Lanka comes to IC

AROSHA

t h e 7 February, raising m o n e y

for e s s e n t i a l m e d i c a l e q u i p m e n t for Paradise

was

brought

the

a rural h o s p i t a l in Sri L a n k a .

The

the Sri

d i n n e r will be p r e c e d e d by a cultur-

Lankan Society staged a one-day

al s h o w f o l l o w e d by a d i s c o that

exhibition

will g o o n into t h e early h o u r s . T h e

Sherfield ante-room on

January.

Wednesday

dinner

With

exhibits from

ranging

batiks

photographs, posters handicrafts, display

m0f~

itself

s o l d o u t but Sri

Lankan Soc

ther e are still tickets

available

the

disco,

for

start-

ing at 9 . 3 0 p . m .

a large n u m b e r o f

Apart

staff a n d s t u d e n t s

ther e will be a trip

alike.

For t h o s e

wishing ple

sam-

some

Sri

Lankan

Sri

official Lankan

High C o m m i s s i o n

there w a s also a

snacks

Hyde

Park

Gardens a n d out-

available t o g e t h e r

ings t o t h e other

with

events

cups

of Sri

Lankan t e a . the

being

success.

Independence

"This is

its

important

Day o n t h e 4 t h o f

for

February.

Lankans,"

F o r full Aerobic class details contact the Sports Centre on Ext 48964

Sri L a n k a c e l ebrates

year

12.10-1.00pm 5.45 - 6.30pm 8.00 - 8.45am 12.00- 1.00pm 12.00- 1.00pm

Mon Mon Wed Wed Thurs

London.

event

was a resounding a very

Total Body Control Step Body Conditioning Step Interval 20/20/20

organised around

For t h e o r g a n is ers,

N o w ' s your perfect opportunity. Bring a friend to any of the classes listed below at the Sports Centre in the month of February and get in yourself absolutely free!

this

r e c e p t i o n h e l d at the

food,

variety o f

from

the

"Have you always wanted to go to an Aerobic class but don't want to go on your o w n ! "

says

and attracted

Sri

said

society

President

T o p

L o n d o n

visits y o u r S p o r t s

Those

•V

i n t e r e s t e d in t a k i n g part in t h e var-

A m j a d S a l e e m . " W e are c e l e b r a t i n g

ious

5 0 years of i n d e p e n d e n c e a n d this

this t i m e

events

s h o u l d c o n t a c t t h e Sri

taking place

exhibition is o n l y t h e b e g i n n i n g of a

Lankan

Society

series of e v e n t s t o m a r k this o c c a -

(akbl@doc.ic.ac.uk)

s i o n . " T h e s o c i e t y also s a i d will be

web

h o s t i n g a charity d i n n e r a n d d a n c e

ssocs/osc/srilanka/)

site

around e-mail

or visit t h e

(www.su.ic.ac.uk/clubfor details.

W o m e n s

Y o u T r e a t

C e n t r e

lav

get a £ 4 0 h a i r c u t

yourself.

h a i r

P h o n e

s t y l i s t

T u e s d a y ,

• ' i

ly.

f o r £ 1 4 .

D a v i d

ext

4 8 9 7 0

ffeg

3 0 January 1 9 9 8

LETTERS

Letters t o Felix, SEXISM

RIFE

Dear Felix, Firstly I w o u l d like t o e x p r e s s my agreement with the editorial f r o m last w e e k [ 16 January]. 1 k n o w that m a n y s t u d e n t s at I m p e r i a l College m u s t be able t o relate t o the issue p u t f o r w a r d , as I c e r t a i n ly c a n . L o n d o n is a horribly i s o l a t i n g p l a c e at t i m e s a n d s o m e t i m e s w h e n t h e pressure is o n , it is e a s y t o feel o v e r p o w e r e d a n d t o s e e n o way out of a situation. 1 t o o w o u l d like t o s e e m o r e services set u p t o k e e p in t o u c h w i t h s t u d e n t s w h o are n o t a t t e n d i n g c o l l e g e a n d t o help t h o s e w h o are d i s t r e s s e d . A good example of the problems w i t h IC's c o u n s e l l i n g facilities is m y o w n e x p e r i e n c e last y e a r . It w a s just after m y e x a m s a n d I w a s feeling terribly d i s t r e s s e d a n d i s o l a t e d . I felt I h a d n o o n e t o talk t o a b o u t it, a n d s o I w e n t t o s e e t w o s e p a rate c o u n s e l l o r s . O n e at Princes G a r d e n s a n d o n e at t h e U n i o n . B o t h w e r e c o n v i n c e d I m u s t have terrible f i n a n c i a l p r o b l e m s - it s e e m e d that w a s t h e o n l y p r o b l e m there c o u l d b e ! I agree that f i n a n cial issues are s o m e t h i n g that c o u n s e l l o r s have t o d e a l w i t h a lot in L o n d o n a n d are very i m p o r t a n t , but t h e s e c o u n s e l l o r s didn't e v e n take the t i m e t o ask w h a t w a s w r o n g w i t h m e be f o r e l a u n c h i n g into their a d v i c e o n S t u d e n t h a r d s h i p funds e t c . The w h o l e e p i s o d e s m a d e m e feel like m y visits w e r e a w a s t e o f t i m e a n d I e n d e d u p feeling w o r s e t h a n before. M y o t h e r r e a s o n for w r i t i n g this letter c o n c e r n s t h e m a r k i n g s y s t e m s at this c o l l e g e . M y m o t h e r lectures at a university w h e r e t h e y use a m a r k i n g s y s t e m in w h i c h e a c h s t u d e n t has a n u m b e r i n s t e a d of u s i n g their n a m e (rather like a library P I N n u m b e r ) , this e l i m i n a t e s any p r o b l e m s w i t h p r e j u d i c e o r d i s c r i m i n a t i o n (racial, s e x u a l , or 'just don't ge t o n ' e t c . . ) This s y s t e m s h o u l d be i m p l e m e n t e d f o r l a b o r a tory w o r k ( in tutorial w o r k it is i m p o r t a n t for t h e tutor t o a s s e s s individual s t u d e n t s t h r o u g h o u t t h e year). A s a girl I a m o f t e n s p e a k i n g w i t h a s s e s s o r s for l a b o r a t o r y p r o jects w h e r e t h e a s s e s s o r in q u e s tion s p e a k s m a i n l y t o t h e m a l e s t u dent/s a n d rarely t o m e e v e n t h o u g h I a m also d o i n g t h e w o r k or the e x p e r i m e n t . A t w o r s e I have m e t a s s e s s o r s w h o will n o t e v e n m a k e e y e c o n t a c t w i t h m e or sit a n d chat t o m y m a l e c o - s t u d e n t s w i t h o u t ever d i r e c t i n g a w o r d t o

m e or l i s t e n i n g t o w h a t I have t o say. I have e v e n s e e n o c c a s i o n s where the moderator and assessor of a n e x p e r i m e n t w e r e 'best friends' a n d in t h e s e c a s e s t h e m o d e r a t o r w o u l d not dare to change the assessors mark. I d i d w o n d e r how this i d e a o f a m o r e i m p e r s o n a l marking system could incorporate directly a s s e s s e d laboratory w o r k , but a friend h a d t h e i d e a of s e p a rate a s s e s s o r s a n d m a r k s for t h e l a b o r a t o r y a n d w r i t e u p w o r k , thus r e m o v i n g t h e p r o b l e m . I agree that it is i m p e r s o n a l t o b e k n o w n as a n u m b e r , but it w o u l d only b e for the d u r a t i o n of t h e m a r k i n g a n d any interviews a n d discussions c o u l d b e h e l d later. I a m interested t o k n o w what o t h e r s t u d e n t s a n d particularly p r o fessors think of m y idea a n d w h e t h e r it w o u l d b e p o s s i b l e t o i m p l e m e n t it in t h e near future. F r o m m y p o i n t o f v i e w t h e prejud i c e s in a s s e s s o r s m a r k i n g w o r k c a n m a k e all t h e difference t o a final d e g r e e result.

have

to concentrate

avoiding

all

s o h a r d in

the

dangerous

o b s t r u c t i o n s o n that r o a d . Today m y colleagues

had to

prevent a w o r k m a n f r o m s a w i n g through

m y security

remove

padlock to

m y bike f r o m t h e railing

outside my office. 1 was told not t o leave m y bike there but t o p a d l o c k it o u t s i d e L i n s t e a d Hall w h e r e all the other bikes are regularly v a n dalised.

Y o u will a p p r e c i a t e that 1

w a s n o t keen t o d o that s o

1 now

have t o park m y bike in t h e basem e n t o f W e e k s Hall a n d this m e a n s carrying it d o w n a flight of c o n c r e t e steps.

F E L I

N o t t o o difficult for strap-

Issue-1105. â&#x20AC;˘;/

p i n g y o u n g s t u d e n t s but a p a i n for a geriatric secretary like m e . Does

the college

really w a n t

me t o contribute more to the pol-

30 January

lution a n d p a r k i n g p r o b l e m s in this area?

What

is s o w r o n g a b o u t

wvi/w.sii.ic.-ic.'.uk/i elix

parkin g bikes o u t s i d e one's p l a c e of work on a pavement accommodate

both

which can

bike a n d p e d e s t r i a n s w i t h o u t a n y problem?

Please don't tell m e it

Anon.

looks

unsightly b e c a u s e

P h y s i c s 111

point

o u t that

the

; -'

my parked

Prince C o n s o r t

i" -

, :

- â&#x20AC;˘ â&#x20AC;˘

ton

' i72.

External t e l &. fax: 0 1 7 1 5 9 4 8 0 7 2 .

I could

scaffolding

<" .

RO'vd, L o n d o n . N W 7 2 B B .

iji

â&#x20AC;˘

ni:

4 8 0 8 6 . external: 0171 5 9 4 8 0 8 6 .

a r o u n d 9 a n d 10 Prince's G a r d e n s

Enunn fnfeCtp.r vc.ufc

l o o k s t w i c e as b a d a n d h a s b e e n

D O D G Y

DEALINGS

there for several m o n t h s .

Felix is p r o d u c e d f o r a n d o n behalf of i m p e r i a l n'n:,ne U n i i n

Lorraine D a v i s Dear felix,

Residences

Secretary

iff ..r i.v;

â&#x20AC;˘: â&#x20AC;˘..lixi

B e o n t h e l o o k - o u t for p e o p l e (2-men,

early

twenties)

selling

/ too had my bicycle removed

for

a u d i o - s p e a k e r s f r o m t h e back of a n

no apparent

N-reg white van.

parked outside my office in Beit

The sellers are c o n - m e n trying

Quad.

reason

have

attempted

t o pass o f f e q u i p m e n t d e s c r i b e d by

reclaim it several times, but the

a HI-FI dealer as " a b s o l u t e rubbish

guards

w e w o u l d n ' t p a y a p e n n y f o r " , as

refuse to unlock the

expensive, high-quality g o o d s .

Oh,

In particular b e w a r e o f O m n i -

and

duty

'â&#x20AC;˘:':>:â&#x20AC;˘â&#x20AC;˘ in ,;: <':;-;}â&#x20AC;˘.[(:â&#x20AC;˘<â&#x20AC;˘-:.;

when it was

per

ISSNN040 - 07! S C o p y r i g h t <S Felix 1 9 9 8 . P h o t o -

consistently

fs r e m a i n with pbofonrnphus.

store.

that scaffolding's

not

going anywhere [Felix 1093]. Ed

Audio products.

" i

â&#x20AC;˘ -lege

U n i o n Print Unit, Beit Q u a d , Prince C o n s o r t R o a d . L o n d o n . 'â&#x20AC;˘â&#x20AC;˘â&#x20AC;˘: â&#x20AC;˘â&#x20AC;˘<-â&#x20AC;˘? , i .

O N

Y E R BIKE,

SECURITY Dear Felix, M a y 1 b e p e r m i t t e d t o have a m o a n in w h a t I c o n s i d e r t o b e m y "local rag". I c y c l e t o w o r k [in Prince's G a r d e n s ] but have t o ride a l o n g Imperial C o l l e g e R o a d a n d t h e joke a b o u t n u n s r i d i ng a c r o s s cobble stones c o m e s to mind a n d w o u l d m a k e m e laugh if I didn't

l.i

;

HI,

DOUBLE D O H ! Dear Felix, S o m e t h i n g I forgot t o a d d t o yesterday's letter [Felix 1 104] is s i m p l y that, if t h e s p o r t s editorial w a s a joke t h e n a) m y original m i s sive b e c o m e s irrelevant a n d b) y o u r s e n s e o f h u m o u r is really shite. Cheers Nick Oliver

Credits; Editor: Jeremy T h o m s o n n , Portfolio: ' i M a n ' Baker . , Paul Dias a n d E d S e x t o n . ,n Ihan rersfums r d i r n r ; ;ro; Trout iV'nrnc â&#x20AC;˘ Jason RaiTiniiaiT.nn i " < < Film F.din.nn d r n i s l i i c k e y Arts ddiioro: domum f'ietnf I din i ' < Lorenz 1

Deadline for letters is 6pm Tuesday. Letters may be edited for length, but will not be altered or corrected in any other way. Letters may be signed or anonymous, but please show your swipe card when submitting them.

d M a n : Davi

Roberts

3 0 J a n u a r y 8

NOTICES A N D EDITORIAL

Editorial W o n d e r i n g what to do this s u m m e r

F a n c y

w o r k i n g a n d

travelling

h Come A l o n g To: mmm€;

f i i

wmmm m

T o Find Out More ! Date : Tuesday 3 r d February Time : 6 : 3 0 - 8:30pm Place: Mech Eng 2 2 0 NO

commitment attended

If you

necessary, may

then

do decide FREE

!"#

National

but

apply

only

those

to the

membership

Express

who

have

programmes. is

Discount

PLUS

Card.

P T H E CAT FREE This phrase is no d o u b t familiar t o many m e m b e r s of college - it is of course the m o t t o of Felix (dating f r o m the first issue in 1949). It refers not t o the price, but t o our e d i t o r i a l f r e e d o m . It has been a p p e a r i n g less prominently in recent years, as myself a n d others have believed, erroneously it s e e m s , that it c o u l d be taken as read. Felix is not a c o l l e g e n e w s p a per, nor is it a u n i o n p a p e r , t h o u g h it receives g e n e r o u s f u n d i n g f r o m I C U . It is an i n d e p e n d e n t s t u d e n t s ' n e w s p a p e r , it is registered as a p u b l i c n e w s p a p e r a n d its c o n tent is b o u n d o n l y by national l a w . T h e s e f a c t s are c l e a r l y n o t appreciated by many people around college, notably those stud e n t s currently r u n n i n g the Royal C o l l e g e of S c i e n c e U n i o n ( R C S U ) . For t h o s e fortunate e n o u g h not t o have read the articles in q u e s t i o n , here is a c h o i c e m o r s e l : "1 c a n n o t believe that Felix ... s h o u l d p u b l i s h an article a b o u t the

d e a t h [of a c h e m i s t r y student] o n the m o r n i n g of a c h e m i s t r y e x a m

HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS HAIR NEWS

HAIR CUT £8.00

before

announcement not p u b l i s h artic les unless y o u h a v e b e e n t o l d that y o u c a n . If y o u c a n n o t be bothered to d o your research first... y o u should not be a l l o w e d t h e responsibility t o carry s u c h stories until officially t o l d y o u c a n by C o l l e g e or the Department concerned." ...

t h e official

You

W e do publish articles w i th o u t p e r m i s s i o n f r o m college, a n d to suggest o t h e r w i s e is ludicrous - if w e w a i t e d for t h e m t o give us news, Felix w o u l d n ' t be w o r t h the paper it's w r i t t e n o n . Besides, b o t h the Director of U n d e r g r a d u a t e Studies in chemistry a n d the College Tutor w e r e a w a r e of o u r d e c i s i o n in a d v a n c e , a n d r e s p e c t e d it w i th o u t fuss. Perhaps if you had d o n e a little research yourself, y o u w o u l d have d i c o v e r e d a n d r e s p e c t e d the family's w i s h e s t o a v o i d m e n t i o n i n g the c a u s e of d e a t h , as w e d i d . The p o i n t is that author of p u b lished material holds a great r e s p o n s i b i l i t y - a fact w h i c h I learned the hard way. I n d e p e n d e n c e brings a c c o u n t a b i l i - . ty. W i t h r e p o r t i n g like theirs, the R C S U s h o u l d be g l a d that they are not in t h e p u b l i c d o m a i n .

ICU C o u n c i l Tuesday 3 February at RPMS. Coaches leave from the U n ion at 5.30pm. Papers available from t h e U n i o n Office, as ever. A l l w e l c o m e . PS. Rumours of free beer a n d f o o d a b o u n d .

UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX UNISEX

•V CONSULTATION

w i t h s t y l i s t t o d i s c u s s y o u r s t y l e , try

a n e w l o o k a n d l e a r n h o w to m a n a g e a n d c o n t r o l y o u r h a i r .

=5— S H A M P O O

f o l l o w e d by H e r b a l C o n d i t i o n e r a n d s c a l p massage.

PRECISION HAIR CUT

b y fully q u a l i f i e d h a i r s t y l i s t ,

e x p e r i e n c e d in m o d e r n h a i r d r e s s i n g .

- U S E OF HAIRDRIER

with c o m p l e m e n t a r y g e l or

m o u s s e to finish y o u r s t y l e .

OPEN 9-OOAM - 6.00PM Last Appointment for Hair Cut 6.00pm e

T R E V O R

R O Y

S A L O N

52 K e n s i n g t o n C h u r c h Street, W 8

TEL: 0171

937

6413

3 m i n u t e s f r o m H i g h St. K e n s i n g t o n & N o t t i n g M i l l G a t e

Reapplicants wanted mouth Keogh Hall

Fal-

A p p l i c a t i o n s are invited f r o m lively, o u t g o i n g a n d r e s p o n s i b l e s t u dents for 1 9 9 8 - 9 . Application forms from the Accommodation Office, 15 Princes G a r d e n s . D e a d l i n e : Friday 27 February.

University Society:

London

Debating

This H o u s e W o u l d O u t Homophobe and Hypocrite

the

Guest speaker: Peter Tatchell. 7.30pm, T u e s d a y 3 February. P l a m s w i n e bar, U L U , M a l e t St. Free w i n e a n d s n a c k s . For S a l e

Wanted Y o u n g m e n a n d w o m e n t o play m i x e d h o c k e y o n the o c c a s i o n a l S u n d a y . N o skill r e q u i r e d , everyo n e will get a g a m e a n d a g o o d laugh is g u a r a n t e e d . C o n t a c t B e n on b.white@ic.ac.uk.

B r a n d n e w p e r s o n a l h a n d f r e e Kit for N o k i a " b a n a n a " p h o n e - all n e t w o r k s . £ 4 0 o . n . o . C o n t a c t Ian bongi@ic.ac.uk.

3 0 J a n u a r y &' ' 8

COLUMNS

D M d i p into s o m e s e a s o n e d flour (flour p l u s any p o w d e r e d spices y o u might have: pepper, mace, mustard, paprika, whatever).

STEAK PUDDING G o s h ! C o m p l i c a t e d isn't it? N o w t i m e t o After the

recent

healthy

dishes,

I think

get

mucky.

s h o u l d have s o m e t h i n g a little bit m o r e s o l i d

M i x the flour, suet, b a k i n g p o w d e r a n d a

this w e e k . Steak p u d d i n g is just steak a n d k i d -

p i n c h of salt in a large b o w l , c r u s h i n g the p i e c e s

Take t h e d o u g h a n d d i v i d e it into 2/3 a n d 1/3. Roll t h e larger p i e c e into a r o u n d a b o u t 'A in. thick a n d line y o u r g r e a s e d p u d d i n g b o w l w i t h it. Press the d o u g h all a r o u n d a n d m a k e sure ther e aren't any creases w h i c h c o u l d p o p u p a n d s p o i l the effect.

ney p u d d i n g w i t h o u t t h e k i d n e y s b e c a u s e they're y u k k y a n d horrible t o p l a y a r o u n d w i t h . If y o u insist o n k i d n e y s t h e n be m y guests a n d b u n g t h e m

i n , 1 w o n ' t say

Half strips.

word. N o w , the o n l y w a y t o m a k e a g o o d p u d d i n g is t o use suet. The b e e f t y p e is u n q u e s tionably t h e tastiest (and is m a d e f r o m the fat s u r r o u n d i n g t h e k i d n e y s s o t h e r e ' s another w e i r d c o n n e c t i o n for y o u . I bet the FBI are i n t o this u p t o their c h e e s y a r m p i t s ) but for the h e a l t h - c o n s c i o u s o u t there, v e g etable suet ( w h i c h , like m a r g a r i n e , is m a d e from hydrogenated vegetable oil w h o s e health c r e d e n t i a l s are b e i n g q u e s t i o n e d at t h e m o m e n t ) p r o d u c e s m o r e or less t h e right c o n s i s t e n c y .

bowl with

the

Finally, roll o u t t h e r e m a i n i n g pastry into a r o u n d slightly larger than the bowl, moisten the edges, place o n top a n d press t h e e d g e s t o g e t h e r w e l l .

<*" <*'

1 Vi lb s t e w i n g steak 1 onion

Suet pastry - 8 o z p l a i n flour, 4 o z suet

flour. O n c e the texture is fairly c o n s i s t e n t a d d

( s h r e d d e d or c h o p it yourself)

just e n o u g h c o l d w a t e r t o get e v e r y t h i n g t o stick

1 tsp baking powder 1 p u d d i n g b o w l , s h o u l d be c e r a m i c

t o g e t h e r a n d f o r m a firm d o u g h . Leave t o chill.

of suet b e t w e e n y o u r fingers t o i n c o r p o r a t e the

T o c o o k y o u r c a r d i a c arrest in a dish, w r a p it u p in a t e a c l o t h or t w o a n d place in a large s a u c e p a n w i t h e n o u g h water t o c o m e 2/3 of the w a y u p t h e p u d d i n g b o w l . Boil for 3 h o u r s .

Antoine

M e a n w h i l e , cut the m e a t into thin strips a n d

THOUGHT FOR THE DAY O h c o m e o n , y o u m u s t b e able to think of s o m e t h i n g . . .

a v i n g a c o l u m n is great. T h e r e really is n o t h i n g q u i t e like the privilege of b e i n g a b l e t o air m y t w i s t e d , bizarre a n d s o m e t i m e s merely insane v i e w s o n any subject I c h o o s e . E s t i m a t e s i n d i c a t e that our b e l o v e d s t u d e n t n e w s p a p e r is r e a d by a p p r o x i m a t e l y eight t h o u s a n d p e o p l e , g i v i n g m e the p o t e n t i a l o p p o r t u n i t y t o take a s t e p t o w a r d s s h a p i n g the m i n d s of t h e future. O f c o u r s e , 1 don't b o t h e r d o i n g this, preferring to m o a n , w h i n e a n d whinge about whatever has s c r a t c h e d m e d u r i n g that particular week. This t i m e , h o w e v e r , t h e c r e ative half of m y brain l o o k s t o be enjoying a little s i e s t a . It s e e m s that the bloke sitting u p t h e r e w h o p r o v i d e s m y i n s p i r a t i o n has b e e n k i d n a p p e d by a crack s u i c i d e s q u a d f r o m the o t h e r half of m y brain, w h o are g o i n g t o tie h i m u p a n d torture h i m by f o r c i n g h i m t o learn the Taylor Series Expansion. U n f o r t u n a t e t h o u g h this is, it has

meat

C h o p the o n i o n finely a n d fry it in s o m e butter until lovely a n d g o l d e n b r o w n , a d d i n g a hefty d o s e of p e p p e r near the e n d . Place the o n i o n in the p u d d i n g b o w l w i t h t h e m e a t , d eglaze t h e p a n w i t h half a g l a s s of w a t e r and a d d this juice t o o . T h e n put the rest of the beef in w i t h a g o o d p i n c h of salt.

S o here w e g o . I k n o w , w h y n o t start with a list of n e c e s s a r y i n g r e d i e n t s :

®'

fill the

left m e w i t h the m o r e i m m e d i a t e p r o b l e m of a c o l u m n s p a c e that is s o d e p r e s s i n g l y w h i t e it w o u l d easily pass the Daz doorstep Challenge. I d e c i d e d t o take the a f t e r n o o n off, p l a n n i n g t o use it t o regain s o m e of the s l e e p 1 lost last night w h e n t w o of m y cruel flatmates f o r c e d m e t o play W o r m s 2 until t h e s m a l l h o u r s . (They m a d e m e d o it. H o n e s t l y . . . ) Instead I find myself w a l k i n g u p a n d d o w n the Felix office, w a t c h i n g the usual s u s p e c t s c o m e a n d g o , a n d suffering f r o m a very s e v e r e c a s e of writer's block. A s the afternoon draws o n , and the editor's g a z e d a r k e n s , I try m a n y different ideas for subject matter, w i t h n o s u c c e s s . I refuse to b e n d u n d e r o f f i c e - w i d e pressure; I will not write a b o u t the b l o o d y sabbatical e l e c t i o n s . S o I a p o l o g i s e for the lack of a d e p r e s s i n g , heavily s a r d o n i c a n d m i s e r y - i n d u c i n g p i e c e this w e e k .

All

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3 0 January

COLUMNS

1998

Good to hear from my old friend Ashton McGregor, who the last time I looked was ICU Labour Club Chair. As with all final students, Ashton is a busy man, so clearly Peter Mandelson helped with the drafting of his letter in last week's Felix. I would, however, watch your back if you continue to ascribe any aspect of the New Labour doctrine to 'ethical s o c i a l i s m . ' Starting with the Straw incident, it is impossible to believe that instructing the Solicitor General to issue a court order barring publication of his son's name represents a 'wholly responsible' attitude. O f course, he eventually came clean and found that honesty, albeit after the event, did him no harm at all. The suggestion that Robin Cook's shenanigans are 'of no consequence to the general public whatsoever' is a little naive. When a member of the Cabinet uses public funds to pay for a mistress's travels, and apparently sacks a Foreign Office employee in order to give her a job, as

has recently been alleged in the Daily Telegraph, I feel it is very much the concern of the public. Furthermore, when one reads, 'families are the core of our society... the breakdown of family life damages the fabric of our society' on page 25 of the Labour manifesto, it reinforces the idea of d o u b l e standards. I have never believed in 'trial by tabloid', choosing to read newspapers edited by those who have mastered multi-syllabic words, and it is certainly true that some of the tabloid tactics against both parties are reprehensible. Nevertheless, Labour should realise that the moral high ground is a very tricky place to occupy. As I indicated in my article, the fact that Robin Cook did the dirty on his wife is in

itself irrelevant, but when looks at the supplementary actions in this case, his behaviour becomes unacceptable,

hypocritical

and

denigrates this important office of State. While we're on the subject of the manifesto, Ashton, let me suggest that you pop across to Chemistry and read my copy. New Labour is not about 'remaining true to its socialist e t h i c ' C h a n g i n g ~ ~ * ' Clause IV can I | hardly square with what you have said. Your leader said 'in each area of policy a new and distinctive approach has been mapped out.' You say on one hand that Labour won because of Conservative mismanagement of the economy (so bad that

Labour chose to stick to the spending plans), and then go on to say it was due to 'remaining true to its socialist e t h i c ' You can't have it both ways, A s h t o n . Dragging religious values into politics will always e n d in ears, for it inevitably degenerates into moralising and puritanism. Given the broadly non-religious nature of the country, it is never long before r e s e n t m e n t develops. 'Back to Basics' was never my favourite policy of the Conservatives. After being shamelessly rebadged by Blair and Mandelson, it still holds little attraction.

Finally, it is nice to see that ICU is capable of keeping up with College t r e n d s , despite the greater fiscal firepower of the latter. I refer, of course, to the lovely new signs on the ICU Store. Radiant? Certainly. Informative? W i t h o u t doubt. Straight? Well, two out of three ain't bad.

THE IDIOT'S GUIDE TO GETTING A FIRST with COLIN DALE Part Two: Lectures Can y o u hear m e at the back? I said, Can y o u hear m e at the back? O h w e l l , never m i n d , this week's installment is a b o u t lectures. These exist primarily as an o p p o r t u n i t y for d e p a r t m e n t s to k e e p their m o s t i n c o m p e t e n t m e m bers of staff o c c u p i e d for a f e w h o u r s a w e e k . A l s o , by judicious t i m e t a b l i n g (e.g. o n e at nine, and the next at five), s t u d e n t s c a n be f o r c e d t o s p e n d vast a m o u n t s of m o n e y at C o l l e g e catering outlets in o r d e r t o sustain t h e m s e l v e s d u r ing the intervening p e r i o d s . F r o m a less g r a t u itously cynical p o i n t of v i e w , they represent an excellent c h a n c e t o hear the central ideas of y o u r c h o s e n subject p r e s e n t e d by t h o s e at the forefront of a d v a n c e s in the field. But don't despair: it m a y still be p o s s i b l e t o m a k e c o n structive use of the t i m e . There are a variety of t e c h n i q u e s u s e d by lecturers t o get the material a c r o s s, but they rely m o s t l y o n b o r i n g a n d c o n f u s i n g the a u d i e n c e into a kind of h y p n o t i c s u b m i s s i o n . A s a rule, the c o n t e n t of a lecture is d e s i g n e d t o be either insultingly o b v i o u s or b e y o n d the c o m p r e h e n s i o n of m o r t a l m e n ; never a n y w h e r e in b e t w e e n . The classic n o n - e x a m i n a b l e d e r i v a tion is a favourite c r o w d - p l e a s e r . N o selfrespecting lecturer w o u l d ever begin w i t h o u t his t r u s t y o v e r h e a d p r o j e c t o r , s o n a m e d b e c a u s e any i n f o r m a t i o n d i s p l a y e d o n it is g u a r a n t e e d t o g o c o m p l e t e l y o v e r the h e a d s of t h o s e at w h o m it is p r o j e c t e d . Their p o p u l a r i t y arises f r o m the fact that they a l l o w a l m o s t infinite s c o p e for g e t t i n g transparencies u p s i d e d o w n , back-to-front and completely obscured

by chalk d u s t . S o m e t i m e s , y o u will arrive at the lecture theatre t o find that they have d r a g g e d out an incoherent o l d buffer t o talk irrelevant drivel at y o u for an hour (to replace the usual incoherent o l d buffer). This is called a guest l e c t u r e , . a n d usually o c c u r s after y o u have been w a i t i n g a r o u n d for it all afternoon with n o t h i n g t o d o . O t h e r s p e c i a l entertainments m a y be laid o n . I o n c e s a w a brilliant farce in m y lecture theatre, called ' M a t h e m a t i c s for Physicists'. The only character w a s a burbling p h y s i c s lecturer w h o s e ineptitude w a s so great that he had t o cover four boards with corrections to his previous lecture. The protagonist has since b e e n m a d e a professor. A n o t h e r t i m e , I s a w a g r a p h i c r e c o n s t r u c t i o n of w h a t it might have b e e n like t o visit an eighteenth century freak s h o w . It w a s called 'Electromagnetism . 1

But I digress. By mercilessly rippin g the piss out of our r e s p e c t e d staff I s e e m t o have been forgetting m y d u t y to give useful a d v i c e . In future I will m a k e m o r e effort t o k e e p to the rule, 'business before pleasure'. S o here are s o m e tips: Y o u don't have t o s p e n d y o u r entire c o u r s e b e i n g threatened a n d i n t i m i d a t e d by y o u r lecturers. Y o u n e e d t o s h o w t h e m who's bo s s. Try picturing t h e m in their u n d e r w e a r . (Actually, no, that w o u l d probably unhinge y o u c o m pletely.) The best line of attack is t o laugh heartily at all their jokes (if y o u c a n s p o t t h e m ) . That'll really scare the shit out of t h e m a n d they will d o a n yth i n g y o u say, even m o v e the b o a r d u p if y o u fall b e h i n d c o p y i n g the n o t e s .

Projectile b a n a n a skins are a n o t h e r tried a n d t e s t e d m e t h o d of k e e p i n g t h e m o n their t o e s . H o w e v e r , there is o n e t h i n g m o r e scary than a dull u n m o t i v a t e d lecturer, a n d that's a highly enthusiastic o n e . H e is quite a different beast. T o d e a l w i t h h i m requires careful p l a n n i n g a n d c o - o r d i n a t i o n . Take a i m w i t h tranquilliser darts m a k i n g sure that y o u have friends sitting near the front ready t o c l o s e in w i t h nets as the drugs begin t o take effect. But even w i t h d o c i l e lecturers y o u n e e d t o m a k e a s u p r e m e effort t o c o n c e n t r a t e . There is only o n e sure-fire w a y t o get a n y t h i n g out of a lecture at IC. But be c a r e f u l : e v e n p o s s e s s i o n carries a m a n d a t o r y t w o - y e a r s e n t e n c e . W h e n y o u r enthus ias tic desire t o c o p y d o w n every valuable w o r d of w i s d o m has w o r n off (i.e. after you've sat d o w n ) , y o u will w a n t s o m e t h i n g useful t o d o . I r e c o m m e n d an inforInteresting m a t i v e little b o o k l e t c a l l e d Ten Diversions Involving Pen Tops and Rulers. Y o u m a y a l s o like t o c o n t r i b u t e t o the o n g o i n g a n d h i g h l y - i n f o r m e d graffiti d e b a t e about the relative merits of G u i l d s m e m b e r s a n d their sexuality by engraving the w o r d 'Bollocks' into the desk. But at the e n d of the d a y , don't forget that y o u will be e x a m i n e d o n all y o u r c o u r s e s . Bribing the e x a m i n e r s is not generally a g o o d i d e a . Y o u will inevitably be s ent before a s p e cial tribunal w h o s e silence m a y c o s t u p t o ten t i m e s as m u c h as y o u r original offer. S o o n s e c o n d t h o u g h t s 1 s u p p o s e y o u ' d better start taking s o m e notes. A n y q u e s t i o n s ?

3 0 January 1998

FEATURE

Can you describe your job?

A n d y Heeps

Although

ICU President -On August I st. Imperial College permanently changed. We stand on the brink of a new century, a century where the world's leading scientists, engineers and doctors will all come from Imperial College. This change is good. Good for ICU and good for the Constituent College Unions, as it provides the perfect opportunity for us to get what we, as a collective whole student body, need. However, this can only be done if wc put dogma and previous disagreements behind us. Fresh momentum, fresh ideas and fresh initiatives can unite the student body agamst the useless bureaucracy that exists within Sherfield, and get results. These fresh ideas will

effectively

y e a r - l o n g promises, nothing short

'the

boss',

sions that lie ahead. A new broom is required to sweep the cobwebs away, and to concentrate the work of ICU in the areas where you want it to be directed, not where a clique of CV-tillcrs think it would be best placed. ICU

should be inclusive, not * exclusive, and provide a service, not prove to be a hindrance. As President. I will make it my priority to ensure that ICU provides you with the services you want. I don't want to see a Union divided, which puts Club against Society, and Constituent College against Constituent College. I want a Union where my voice makes a difference, my opinions count, and my needs as a student of the country's leading college of Science. Technology and Medicine are met. I want this for you. This isn't some flash-inthe-pan bid for glory, I'm going to be at Imperial for a good time to come, and I want to see ICUy* work whilst I'm here. /

t e r m , a n d I'm well o n the w a y t o

mys job is m o r e akin to that of a

achieving

puppet-master -

keeping ail the

achieve.

strings together,

and m a k i n g the

U n i o n m o v e as a coherent

not come from any old 'Union hack'. The strength of ICU that currently exists needs a fresh face to provide strong leadership and prepare the Union for the many tough deci-

3 0 January

what

set

out

How do you feel about taking a year out of your studies?

single

entity. Also the 'ultimate represen-

This w a s the hardest descision t o

tative'

any

m a k e actually, especially as 1 was

Presidential hopeful should have a

c o m i n g a w a y f r o m the c a m p u s i

the

Union,

macabre passion for c o m m i t t e e s ,

w a s familiar w i t h .

because they take up half your

got another four years t o g o , so it

time in the job. The President is

doesn't really feel as if it's g o i n g to

also

m a k e that m u c h difference really.

ultimately

responsible

for

absolutely everything that g o e s o n and staffing to elections of Officers

course, there are times w h e n I feel

and

1 just w a n t t o walk away from it all,

m a k i n g the office coffee in

times of stress.

first point of contact for whining

and

1 a m generally happy

disenchanted

thinking of signing up? People really shouldn't look o n the

directors of Estates, but in the e n d

sabbactical year as a fill-in job.

it's all worth it because y o u really

think the t w o m o s t important rea-

can m a k e a difference.

sons t o d o the job is to m a k e a dif-

Do you

think you've fufilled

the

ference t o the Union, and t o pro-

promises made in your mani-

vide services.

festo?

year

The promises I m a d e were really

India, g o to Africa, d o n t be a sabb.

out,

If y o u want a easy

couldn't

write

The DP(F&S)'s main

job

role

financial.

description. We were, howev-

They are responsible

er, able to keep him still long

for all the money spent by the

enough

ask

him

these

union

(about

£2,500,000

year), a responsibility which consists mainly of preventing

What advice can you give to anyone

m e m b e r s of the public, m o a n i n g

Clark

Do you think you've fulfilled

with m y job.

s e e m s , the President is also the

Rob

arsed

questions:

but then, everyone feels like that sometimes.

N o t really as glamorous as it

Sadly,

Deputy Pres. (Finance & Services)

Have you enjoyed the job so far? 9 0 % of the ti m e , yes I have.

professors

Rob Clark

But, then, lVe

within the U n i o n , from its finances

FEATURE

1998

mfht.

•uring my four years at Imperial 1 have noticed that there has been a steady decline in the numbers of students taking full advantage of all the available facilities offered by Imperial College Union, Many students automatical!)' assume the Union will always be there to finance the clubs they join, and provide the services that they take for granted. The recent loss of the Union Book Store to Watcrstones shows how quickly a Union trading outlet can be suddenly replaced, overturning many years hard work by staff and students committed to ensuring that the best possible service and widest range of stock are provided. I intend to stop this trend by stop strengthening the strcr

Union's trading position within College. Increasing awareness of exactly what the Union has to offer students, so that every member understands the need for a strong and finan-

to understand the ^JMr Union finances, . During the course of my degree I have also worked for an industrial research lab preparing laboratory test rigs and assisting in the tendering process for contracts. Additionally in the five months before Christmas of this year I was working as part of a scientific sales team with responsibilities for technical support, forecasting, market research and various other aspects of customer support and sales. 1 believe that over the cially independent Union is also a high pri- last 4 years I have ority.experience I have gained the experience gained while running IC to do the job of Deputy Radio and being a mem- President (Finance and Services) well and I ber of Union Finance +, hope f will receive! your Committee, (( )( * Publications Board and support. House Committee, puts me in a strong position

the

anyone from spending it.

promises made in your mani-

The services of the

Union

festo?

b a rs ,

advice,

1 deliberately

didn't

promise

a n y t h i n g in m y m a n i f e s t o ,

catering,

minibuses

but

etc.

also

come

under their remit. The c o m b i -

y e s , I think I've d o n e as m u c h

nation of these two branches

as any sabb.

results

Have you enjoyed the job so far? Yes,

1 have

enjoyed

it.

most

i've

them

s p e n d i ng

their life in

some

committee or another.

f o u n d it very h a r d w o r k , but it's

The DP (F&S) is also expected

b e e n very fulfiling.

to keep a general eye on

What advice can you give to any-

the

union, hold the fort while the

one thinking of signing up?

president's mind is on higher

The best a d v i c e I c a n give is t o

things, and to do their best to

remember

you're

link in

prevent College from pinching

chain, and y o u must allow people

carry

your

work

any more rooms.

on.

You've g o t t o be able t o p a s s o n information,

that

things

keep going.

travelling a r o u n d

P r o m i s e t o d o m y best F e l i x

t a l k s

t o

t h e

c u r r e n t

I C U

s a b b s t o

f i n d

o u t

w h a t

t h e y ' r e

u p

t o

a n d

w h e t h e r

t h e y

k e p t

t h e i r

p r o m i s e s . . . s

Jeremy Thomson Felix Editor Tell me about your job.

you made in your manifesto?

It s e e m s m o r e like a h u n d r e d jobs t h a n o n e , m o s t of t h e t i m e . Put s i m p l y , I h a v e t o ensure that a d e c e n t n e w s p a per hits the streets every Friday. T o d o this I n e e d t o be an e d i tor, a w r i t e r , a d e s i g n e r , a pers o n n e l m a n a g e r , an a d v e r t i s i n g m a n a g e r , a D T P expert, purchasing manager, director, secretary, print m a n a g e r , c o m p u t er t a m e r , postman, union 'hack', b i n - e m p t i e r a n d h a r d e s t of all, a o n e - m a n c o m p l a i n t s d e p a r t m e n t . A l l this w o u l d drive a n y o n e insane, but I've a l s o g o t t o try t o r e m a i n c a l m a n d friendly t o a v o i d s c a r i n g off c o n t r i b u t o r s , a n d a c t i n g is not a strong point. Have you fulfiled the promises

Let m e have a look at it... A h , it a p p e a r s t o be a c o m p l e t e l o a d of w a n k . That'll be a y e s , t h e n . Have you enjoyed the job so far? In p a t c h e s . I've always b e e n a bit of a slacker, s o w o r k i n g seventy or eighty hours a w e e k isn't really m y c u p of t e a . The job c a n also get highly stressful if y o u let it - y o u r r e s p o n s i b i l i t i e s are e n o r m o u s a n d t h e d e a d l i n e s are always l o o m i n g . On the other hand, I've a c h i e v e d a lot a n d it's g o o d t o k n o w I'm w o r k i n g for a g o o d c a u s e , n o t myself. What advice can you give to anyone thinking of signing up? Think h a r d . The job is highly t r a u m a t i c , a n d if y o u c a n ' t c o p e , y o u ' r e very likely t o suffer

Whole departments and campuses are shifting in You're the largest developments since the 1960s. There is opportunity, Before but also risk that the needs and wishes of the fun stuff. students and their union will be further margin-

Congratulations You're reading a sabbatical election manifesto. better informed and more aware than 50% of the college population / lose your attention, let's talk about the

ENTERTAIN Music, theatre, the big screen, arts, books, clubs and more. Felix may be a student paper, but it produces up to the minute reviews to rival many nationals. I'll try to make this popular section more diverse alised, I believe Felix has and comprehensive. a duty to inform - so The apathetic among you you know about the may like to turn to the decisions that affect more light-hearted SFTW your life, and your opinnow. because the next ions will be heard. pari is serious. If you've got this far, 1 suppose you really are INFORM interested. In that Great change is case... o imminent at IC.

nervous

breakdown

(which I

d o n ' t care about), a n d severely, or p e r h a p s p e r m a n e n t l y d a m age

the

newspaper

(which I

do). T he real skill of the job lies in

Charlie Joynt I want greater student involvement. Felix has a great deal to offer students directly. It provides opportunity for aspiring writers, photographers, designers, reviewers and columnists to sec their work in print. It offers experience in finance, advertising, and research. It has excellent production facilities. It's a diverse social centre. Plus, it's the perfect place to eat your lunch-time curry. / m not making any specific election pledges. Instead, I promise to do the job to the best of my ability so that you get what you wont. I believe that I can succeed, but I need your help. Make it happen!

g e t t i n g o n w e l l w i t h y o u r staff. I a m r e s p o n s i b l e for m o t i v a t i n g u n p a i d , v o l u n t a r y students t o d o the w o r k of ten or fifteen full-time professionals. G o o d luck!

Deputy President (Clubs & Socs) So, what do you do, then? H m m m . I'm ultimately r e s p o n sible for the r u n n i n g of t h e Union's m a n y clubs a n d s o c i eties. W i t h m o s t of the a d m i n istration duties b o r n e by the C & S A d m i n i s t r a t o r , the bulk of the w o r k is regarding d e v e l o p m e n t strategies a n d representing the Union Clubs and Societies t o C o l l e g e . H e a l t h a n d Safety, student training, p r o v i sion of sports, giving advice the list g o e s o n - it's all in a day's work. Do you think you've fufilled the promises ma d e in your manifesto? So far, yes, 1 think I have. We're working on an A C C ball, a m o n g s t other things, but of course, I won't really be able t o

say for sure until I've left the job. How do you feel about taking a year out? Fine. In m y c ase it w a s an easy d e c i s i o n . It's given m e far m o r e e n t h u s i a s m for m y course, as I've h a d t i m e t o take a serious look at things, a n d put t h e m in perspective. P e o p l e w h o are keener o n their courses than I w a s will probably find it m o r e difficult t o m a k e the break. I'm p l e a s e d t o have d o n e this, a n d I'm g l a d that I'll be here to see things g o through, and to give any help to m y sucessor. Have you enjoyed the job so far? Yes, certainly. I've been busy, but the w o r k is absorbing a n d challenging. What advice can you give to anyone thinking of signing up?

| It is ffc surprise that much of I our a&ctalismg is based S arouid the societies that we \ join.§A/e have over 180 clubs • thatlfve can sign up for, and ^mosi of us choose to be nrernbers of a few of them at the very least. With the mergers of the medical schools, and next year's integration of ICSM into the South Kensington campus, we must strive to broaden the width of the clubs on offer, and to increase the depth of participation in them. Particularty as Imperial is a science-based college, we must encourage social and artistic societies to maintain a healthy balance of interests. Many of our sports teams are excellent, with international

caps for many of our rowers, a BUSA win for fencing and At Imperial, there is mu> emphasis on academic work, but we must balance this properly All too infrequently do we have successful dinners and balls. Anyone who has witnessed Wednesday nights in the bar cannot deny that an ACC or RCC dinner would not be as successful as the already popular OSC 'International Night'.for me as ICU Deputy President, and all individual championship wins this will happen. I am enthusifor members of the Karate astic and experienced in the club, to mention but three organisation of clubs - as 3rd teams. With proper coaching, XV captain I am responsible sponsorship deals, better for over 40 rugby players and equipment and improved have managed to field a 4th sporting facilities, there is no XV for the first time m recent reason why our sports clubs history. 1 stand for your best cannot impn tremendou:

Don't d o it if y o u aren't motivated.

Y o u have t o put in l o n g

hours a n d have t o be o n the ball,

If you've read these interviews, and think you might like to have a go, the deadline to sign up is

as p r o b l e m s c r o p up quickly a n d

Friday 6 February. The current

have t o be dealt with quickly. 1

sabbs will be more than happy

would

suggest

that

anyone

thinking of signing up s h o u l d c o m e a n d see m e t o get a n i d e a of w h a t they w o u l d have t o d o .

to chat to you about the jobs, as

they're all rather hoping to

retire on ! August this year.

FEATURE INTERVIEW

Who runs Imperial College? We can't really say. Even Simon Baker wasn't sure, but he knows a man who should be...

'll be honest w i t h y o u . I w a s slightly a p p r e h e n s i v e a b o u t this interview. Firstly, I felt sure that L y n d a Davies a n d her c o h o r t of IC Secret Police w o u l d n ' t m i s s this t i m e , a n d s e c o n d l y I h a d heard f r o m m a n y p e o p l e that the C o l l e g e Secretary w a s a t o u g h o p e r a tor. Still, w e journalists are always p r e p a r e d to suffer for our art, s o I h e a d e d for his office in the inner sanct u m of Sherfield, Suite Five. T o n y M i t c h e s o n j o i n e d the C o l l e g e in M a y , having retired f r o m the A r m y at the rank of C o l o n e l . S e l e c t e d f i o m over 5 0 c a n d i d a t e s , li<* w a s [wcviuusK r i a i m i n g •-• - I o < •-•:•• onsi"' ' i • \• : •• ' . bid for dog .v.dnJnf , of Voodd 'y-.r ; -ino t o o i . o , encc and s u p p l i e s m a n a g i n g a buclger or £ 3 billion. H i s career began in 1 ° o 1 w i t h t u o years at Sandhurst, . m i l o1>/ In i H e r t f o r d C o l l e g e , O x f o r d . Before his final p o s t i n g , he w a s responsible for all t r o o p s in s o u t h e r n England. H e is m a r r i e d w i t h t w o children a n d lists his interests as History, DIY a n d p h o t o g r a p h y . At first gl a n c e , running H e r M a j e s t y ' s A r m e d Forces s e e m s a very different job to k e e p i n g this place o n i n c srraigln a n d narrow V k e d ho.\ he h a d lourid the transition f r o m o v e r s e e i n g a tightly d i s c i p l i n e d ot' ['•!;. •„'.'• jf s t u :

d e n t s , he s a i d that he w a s n ' t "sure if the students are the p r o b l e m . " W h o c o u l d he be referring to? "It is different. It w a s d e s c r i b e d to m e before I c a m e here as like ' h e r d i n g c a t s . ' " M r M i t c h e s o n claims that there are m a n y parallels to be d r a w n b e t w e e n the m a n a g e m e n t of the t w o organisations, t h o u g h I like t o think the D e f e n c e of The R e a l m has the u p p e r h a n d . B o t h are run o n a c o m m i t t e e structure - "the p r o c e s s e s are very s i m i l a r . . . [there has not been] m u c h of a culture s h o c k " - but he suggested that A r m y is probably " m o r e f o c u s s e d in its a i m . " H e a d d e d , "there is a sense in w h i c h d e c i s i o n s are m a d e m o r e q u i c k l y " , s o m e t h i n g w h i c h f e w w o u l d d o u b t . Is this a result of the w a y Imperial is run, or is it s y m p t o m a t i c of a c a d e m i c institutions in general? " N o , 1 sense the d e c i s i o n m a k i n g at d e p a r t m e n t a l level is very fast. The p r o b l e m lies in that the C o l l e g e is a very large organisation a n d is g o i n g t h r o u g h a fairly turbulent p e r i o d with the m e d ical m e r g e r s . F r o m w h a t 1 c a n see the structure is fine. It's m o r e the sheer n u m b e r of d e c i s i o n s to be m a d e . It is the degree to w h i c h s t a n d - a l o n e organisations are having to be brought together w h i c h is the c o m p l i c a t ing factor." It is certainly true that there is a huge a m o u n t of d e c i s i o n m a k i n g at IC, but h o w m u c h of it is really necessary, as distinct f r o m those w h i c h s t e m f r o m inefficiency, bureaucracy a n d e m p i r e building. It is fair t o say that m o s t m e m b e r s of College, both staff a n d students, will have little d ealing w i t h the C o l l e g e Secretary, s o m a n y of y o u will be w o n d e r i n g exactly w h a t he d o e s ; it s e e m s that e v e n s o m e senior Sherfield staff are a little unclear o n this issue. This c o n f u s i o n is not h e l p e d by the fact that e a c h Secretary s e e m s to have a different remit. In recent times w e

3 0 January

1998

have h a d John S m i t h , the i n f a m o u s A n g u s Fraser, Peter M e e a n d n o w T o n y M i t c h e s o n . W h i l e M e e a n d S m i t h w e r e very m u c h in the traditional m o u l d , Fraser w a s referred t o as ' M a n a g i n g Director of I C , a role that w o n h i m s o m u c h respect f r o m the a c a d e m i c c o m m u n i t y that he w a s effectively f o r c e d f r o m office. S o in w h o s e f o o t s t e p s d o e s the present i n c u m b e n t follow? T h o u g h he very w i s e l y d e n i e s it, it s e e m s that there are s h a d e s of Fraser. M r M i t c h e s o n d e s c r i b e d his job as c o n s i s t i n g of four parts. Firstly, he is Clerk to the G o v e r n o r s , akin to the role of C o m p a n y Secretary. This involves servicing the G o v e r n i n g B o d y a n d the Executive C o m m i t t e e , w h i c h n o r m a l l y w o u l d not be t o o a r d u o u s . H o w e v e r , things have livened up at the m o m e n t b e c a u s e of w o r k relating t o the N o l a n a n d Dearing C o m m i t t e e s a n d also the p l a n n e d changes to the structure of the G o v e r n i n g B o d y , to be r e p l a c e d by a m u c h larger C o u r t of 1 5 0 - 1 6 0 p e o p l e , as y o u may have read about e l s e w h e r e . The C o l l e g e Secretary part c o n s i s t s of c o - o r d i n a t i n g t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n of Imperial, t h o u g h M r M i t c h e s o n w a s keen t o point out that his role s t o p s at c o - o r d i n a t i o n . The Sherfield directors - M e s s r s C a l d w e l l , H a n s e n a n d M c C l u r e and •• • .• I

•>oo ;?on in: B o r n e parts o f that building. The similarity w i t h A n g u s • r a s e r s t e m s f r o m the a s s u m p t i o n o f c ontrol of '.:-;.i ,,-iand , >'•.:'-.••• 'firms 1,10 susj" < n . • an unnecessary extra p o s t . " B y the t i m e y o u ' v e e m p l o y e d a Bursar, it's g o i n g to be pretty e x p e n s i v e . . . it w a s a g r e e d therefore, that w e w o u l d n ' t a p p o i n t a Bursar, a n d w e w o u l d c o n t i n u e w i t h m e c o v e r i n g that r o l e . " H e d i d a d d that "[the plan] has b e e n s h e l v e d . . . it m a y be r e s u r r e c t e d . " Since he believes that the pressure o l w o r k m a k e s h i m ' r e a c r i w rather than p r o a c t i v e " in this role, it m a y y e t rise f r o m the ashes. The ffiu.l part of his job relates t o the S t . retary of the S c h o o l of M e d i c i n e , of w h i c h m o r e later. Another r u m o u r suggests that M r M i t c h e s o n ' s role will be restyled as D e p u t y •Rector; for a d m i n i s t r a t i o n , d e n i e d by the m a n in q u e s t i o n , o !

The m e d i c a l merger is clearly the biggest issue affecting the C o l l e g e at the m o m e n t . As 1 have said until blue in the face, this gives us the perfect o p p o r tunity to rationalise the w h o l e w a y that the College is a d m i n i s t e r e d . S o m e w h a t frustrated by the Rector's v i e w o n this, 1 w a s d e l i g h t e d to see that the n e w boy has an a l t o g e t h e r m o r e e n c o u r a g i n g v i e w p o i n t . A c k n o w l e d g i n g that they m a y be short t e r m rise in n u m b e r s a n d c o s t s - the n e w S c h o o l of M e d i c i n e will c o st £ 4 8 0 , 0 0 0 per year m o r e to a d m i n i s t e r than premerger- M r M i t c h e s o n s a i d that it; s h o u l d h a p p e n "over t i m e . . . there o b v i o u s l y s h o u i d be s o m e s c o p e for rationalisation, but that is o b v i o u s l y not the a i m of the exercise. The a i m is to a c h i e v e a better a c a d e m i c result." A n d w h a t better w a y to achieve that than by diverting m o n e y f r o m a d m i n i s t r a t i o n t o t e a c h i n g and research. A n early s i g n of c o s t s a v i n g w a s the removal/resignation b f - ' f K i ' i u i i a r i j ' i A ^ ^ the M e d i c a l S c h o o l Secretary. D e s p i t e c o m p e l l i n g e v i d e n c e that the C o l l e ^ l S e p e t a r y is of the o p i n i o n that these posts s h o u l d not be separate, he d e n i e d this. H e believes that the differing n e e d s of the S c h o o l of M e d i c i n e will require the p o s t to be filled. "That is not a p e r m a n e n t u n i o n " , he s a i d , s a y i n g that the p o st has already b e e n a d v e r t i s e d . "The a i m is to achieve the best a c a d e m i c o u t c o m e by not d u p l i c a t i n g structures w h e r e there is no n e e d . " Rationalisation is a w o r d that unsettles most p e o ple, save Tor t h o s e in Sherfield, w h o for m o s t part are

3 0 January

FEATURE INTERVIEW

1998

r>e unaware of it. This m a y < hange. "There is ni having t w o p e o p l e d o i n g the s a m e j o b " , he s a i d , a d d i n g , "budgetary pressnre o n p e o p l e will be t o •. .tonalise. If it's not t o rationalise, t h e n t h i '(•'«, s o m e t h i n g seriously w r o n g . " This s e e m s t o be a significant e l . ige of policy. O n l y last year, i i s K e c t o r said that .-. ad o n e of the l o w e s t c o s t , m( si eflic ient a d m i n i s t r a t i o n s in the country. M r M i t c h e : >n c o n t i n u e d by savinp, that w e should "put d e c i s i o n m a k i n g w h e i e tin* e x p e n d i ture is c r e a t e d . . . if y o u < • \ o u get d o w n w a r d s pres sure a n d p e o p l e d o rationalise w i t h o u t a h a n d f r o m above c o m i n g d o w n t o tell t h e m t o . " If this is s e e n through to c o m p l e t i o n , w i m a y see a n e n d ro arbitrary decisions c o m i n g f r o m t h e centre t h , • . • p e o p l e a n d tie the h a n d s of the ]•••<. | 'o w h o s h o u l d have d e c i d e d in the first | a c e D e s p i t e thes«its, the College Secretary feels that t h e a d m i n i s t r a t i o n here is "very g o o d " , w h i c h 1 s u p p o s e is n o s u r p n s e Yes there will be c o c k u p s . , . 1 s u b s c r i b e to the c o c k u p rheory, rather than the c o n : -irary r h e o r y " . a v i e w , \ i l h w h i c h m o s t of us agree. Less: likely t o f i n d s u p p o r t is the idea that p o o r a d m i n " c o u l d e q u a l l y be b e c a u s e it has been forced b e l o w a < i - n a i n t h i e s h o l d . y o u c a n force it t o o i ., ... • I .. i . . , , Trilby wii; be ot m y m e n u . :

•One worn: font n o • - ii.-pn ', ?M-, •>< h •<{ < i • > is " c o m o/hindi . o n fond Wong ann ' f

;

' ' ' ' his mili' it, h e l p ' d e p a r t m e n t s a n d central a d m i n i s t r a t i o n . It is "o ne thing that definitely c o u l d be i m p r o v e d t h r o u g h o u t the o r g a n i s a t i o n . " S t e p s t o achieve this m o r e effectively have already b e e n put in p l a c e , involving a m o n g other things, residential w e e k e n d s a n d Thursday l u n c h t i m e meetings w i t h the Rector. If a n y o n e w a n t s t o e x t e n d the invitation t o s t u d e n t journalists, y o u k n o w w h e r e t o find m e . . . The C o l l e g e N o t i c e is a p o w e r f u l w e a p o n in the i n f o r m a t i o n arsenal for d i s s e m i n a t i n g the d e c i sions of the mighty, or s o our n e w l y arrived Secretary t h o u g h . Y o u ' v e never h e a r d of o n e , a n d by y o u I m e a n all of y o u , f r o m 1 st years t o H e a d s of Departments. C o m i n g f r o m the A r m y , this c a m e as a bit of a surprise. "I w a s s t o p p e d in m y tracks... w h e n a H e a d of D e p a r t m e n t s a i d , iwhat is a College N o t i c e ? ' " H e a i m s t o sort this out, a n d although he a d m i t s that m o s t of t h e s e are less than riveting, w e m i g h t o n e d a y find out w h e n s o m e i m p o r tant d e c i s i o n is taken that affects us t h r o u g h a c h a n n e l other than Felix. It is also h o p e d that Felix will c e a s e t o be the only c o n d u i t t h r o u g h w h i c h reports of the M e s s e d - u p Project G r o u p ( k n o w n in Sherfield as M P G ) reach the m a s s e s , as their p u b l i c a t i o n is " u n d e r d i s c u s s i o n " . A s for Felix itself, The C o l l e g e Secretary feels that it d o e s its job w e l l , q u a s h i n g r u m o u r s that he feels the cat s h o u l d not be entirely free. 1

1,1

d u t y . " This is in stark contrast t o the Rector's o p i n i o n last M a y , a n d if things have c h a n g e d this significantly, the • l e g e Secretary deserves four c h e e r s . A s he p o i n t s out, if our S B i S o p e r a t i o n s are up t o scratch, they have n o t h i n g t o l j | i f r o m market testing these • H - c o r c a c t i v i t i e s . "I firmly • B t v e [they] are d o i n g a g o o d • H a n d therefore it s h o u l d not • B p threat." O n c e the m e d i c a l merger has settled d o w n , let us -../ that these fine w o r d s are turned into actions. n

Campus Renaissance is n o w firmly u p o n us, with the B M S nearing c o m p l e t i o n , a n d a jlljj of other projects about t o H p . s u c h as the Beit Q u a d • • b i s h m e n t . This h a d led t o a fair a m o u n t of d i s q u i e t in • l e g e o n a c c o u n t of the dis• J H t in College, if y o u f o l l o w . A s k e d w h e t h e r the i m p a c t of H f p projects w a s fully c o n s i d ered, M r M i t c h e s o n replied •JB "any w o r k is inevitably g o i n g t o c a u s e y o u t o divert off a p a v e m e n t a n d walk a r o u n d , and y o u m a y be slightly i n c o n v e n i e n c e d . " I s u s p e c t students in C h e m i s t r y m a y put the level of d i s r u p t i o n at a slightly higher level t h a n that, but it is certainly difficult m a k i n g o m e l e t t e s w i t h o u t b r e a k i n g e g g s . T he Estates' v i e w that they d o not have e n o u g h t i m e t o plan projects in s u c h a w a y as t o m i n i m i s e s u c h d i s ruptio n - o f t e n a fair c o m m e n t . The real test of.'this vvHi • ''he level of' i n c o n v e n i e n c e that the m e d i c s will have tolerate when the Multi-Disciplinary Research Building g o e s up next t o the B M S . After just over t w o hours w i t h Tony M i t c h e s o n , I f o u n d myself fairly i m p r e s s e d , a n d 1 d o n ' t say that about m a n y in Suite Five. H e has been here for about eight m o n t h s a n d , miraculously, has a v o i d e d ' g o i n g native', the fate that; s e e m s t o befall alm o st ail w h o enter the u p p e r e c h e l o n s o f Sherfield, s t r i p p i n g t h e m of their thoughts, h o p e s a n d d r e a m s . H e r e is a m a n w h o s e e m s unafraid t o 'think the u n t h i n k a b l e , for w h o m change in not a n a t h e m a . W e n e e d I > are not d e f l e c t e d f r o m : t h e right c o u r s e , rather than t h o s e w h o get j u m p y at t h e first sign of ripples o n the Imperial p o n d . H i nee of the A r m y , of w h i c h I

"Yes there will be cockups...I subscribe to the cockup theory, rather than the conspiracy theory"

As regular readers will k n o w , I a m f u l s o m e in m y praise of the C o l l e g e ' s " c o m m e r c i a l " activities. I n d e e d , if y o u ignore s u c h o u t m o d e d m e a s u r e s of effectiveness as profit, c u s t o m e r satisfaction a n d m a n a g e m e n t c o m p e t e n c e , they are a m o n g s o m e of the best t o be f o u n d in W e s t e r n E u r o p e . W e are about research a n d teaching, not building m a n a g e m e n t , not security a n d certainly not catering. M r M i t c h e s o n ' s v i e w s o n c o n tracting out w e r e very e n c o u r a g i n g . T h o u g h his is not c o n v i n c e d that things are as b a d as m a n y suggest, he said, " w e s h o u l d bear it in m i n d . . . y o u w o u l d be f o o l ish not t o k e e p all t h e v a r i o u s p e r m u t a t i o n s a n d o p t i o n s in y o u r m i n d . Y o u w o u l d be failing in y o u r

w a s sceptical w h e n I first h e a r d of his a p p o i n t m e n t , iooks very of-rlkmit. C o n v e r s a t i o n s wstn tnn d o i c n o y . of Sherfield revealed h i m t o be a t o u g h c o o k i e , w h o , o n c e he h a d m a d e his m i n d u p , s a w little n e e d for c o n f i r m a t i o n by a t h o u s a n d c o m m i t t e e s . I f o u n d h i m to be perfectly pleasant a n d far less defensive than s o m e of his colleagues; either that or, H e a v e n f o r f e n d , I gave h i m an e a v 'inch rests o n his s h o u l d e r s over the next f e w years, a n d as l o n g as he keeps m o v ing in the right d i r e c t i o n , w e c a n e x p e c t major i m p r o v e m e n t s . N o t b a d , not b a d at all. A n d I'm not being a creep, Tony.

DIVERSIONS

12 M U S I C

1 2 Alok's hero ex-Stone R o w I a n I Brown e x a m i n e d , g o o d m a r k s for the e c l e c t i c ni » Air a l b u m piles of singles a n d Tha B o m b !

3 0 January

1 7 - B O O K S Clare A s h w i n reviews A Cuckoo's

1998

All r e v i e w s are g i v e n a m a r k o u t of five as f o l l o w s . . .

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For a w h i l e , a n y w a y . W h i l e fellow e x - R o s e John Squire w a s f o r m i n g u p a b a n d w h i c h i n c l u d e d buskers a n d other r a n d o m m u s i c i a n s f r o m York, B r o w n ' s exact l o c a t i o n w a s u n k n o w n . W a s he in Europe s o m e w h e r e ? W a s he ever c o m i n g back? W a s it true that he h a d cut his hair?

ing m o n k e y , m o n k e y m a n or any o t h e r r a n d o m n a m e w i t h ' m o n k e y ' in it. A l l of t h e s e have b e e n u s e d t o d e s c r i b e t h e m a n w h o u s e d t o front s o m e n o n i m p o r t a n t b a n d in the late eighties. Ian B r o w n t o o k u p g a r d e n i n g , DJing a n d d i d a bit of travelling after the disintegration of the S t o n e R o s e s back in 1 9 9 6 . H e w a s c o n v i n c e d at that t i m e that he h a d g i v e n u p m u s i c for g o o d . In his p r e s s release a n n o u n c i n g the split, he called the m u s i c i n d u s t r y 'the filthiest business in the w o r l d ' a n d s a i d blankly that he w a s g l a d that he w a s leaving. A w o r l d w a s d i v i d e d at this a n n o u n c e m e n t . S o m e s a i d , ' H e y , t h a t ' s the b l o k e that c a n ' t sing, isn't it? It's a b l o o d y g o o d job that he's not g o n n a be m a k i n g a n y m o r e s t u p i d n o i s e s in t h e f u t u r e ! ' a n d t h e n there w a s the c o h o r t that w e r e crestfallen. Ian B r o w n w a s a S t o n e R o s e a n d he c o u l d n ' t just d i s a p p e a r , c o u l d he? W e l l , he d i d .

R u m o u r s a s i d e , he r e t u r n e d a f e w m o n t h s a g o t o tell us that he w a s w o r k i n g o n a project c a l l e d 9:;< The Pavement - a Under the 78 r e f e r e n c e t o the French s t u d e n t riots in the sixties. W h a t it w o u l d be like w a s a n y o n e ' s g u e s s - this is a m a n w h o is q u o t e d as s a y i n g that he d o e s n ' t really like m u s i c in this c o u n t r y a n d any m u s i c he likes he has t o i m p o r t f r o m p l a c e s like Jamaica. W o u l d his, t h e n , be a reggae a l b u m (imagine lyrics s u n g in a c r o s s b e t w e e n W e s t Indian a n d Well, no. heavy Mancunion)? B r o w n c h o s e n o t t o a d d t o the repertoire of excellent m u s i c in the v e i n of B o b marley a n d i n s t e a d r e t u r n e d w i t h a s o r t of c r o s s between science fiction-fuelled g r o o v e (My Star) as w e l l as original funky g r o o v e (Can't See Me) w i t h an e s s e n c e of p o p t h r o w n in (can't think of a s p e c i f i c o n e here...) B r o w n has g i v e n a lot of press time to this a l b u m , s o m e t h i n g w h e n e v e r n o r m a l l y d o e s . H i s face is, at t h e m o m e n t , o n a b o u t three or four m a g a z i n e s a n d he e v e n a p p e a r e d o n R a d i o 1. There are t w o t h e m e s t o all his interviews. First is t h e 'true' story of the R o s e s b r e a k - u p . This i n c l u d e s stories of S q u i r e ' s c o c a i n e habit a n d h o w that m a d e h i m leave the b a n d . The s e c o n d is his resolute m i s s i o n t o tell the kids that c o c a i n e is evil a n d that n o - o n e s h o u l d get into it. Very w i s e w o r d s i n d e e d a n d o n e s

potentially' mind-scrambling,

they m a k e use of m o o g s , organs, bass,

strings

and

effortlessly

s m o o t h vocals.

if are

jljfc ' M \duce albut'

t w o French

blokes

' '' Up • > , i nii'lnns' pen ot a n •

• v .il • '• i aba bl y thi . , - > . . , , ; - ' - i i ' >sim' i ,/ ii • :<-•!'•-. time.

;

y o u ' r e not s h o w e r e d w i t h a g r a i n •

li rou i v i • ' •• <or a s u b l i m e , laid back e x c u r s i o n into the r e a l m s of t o n e d d o w n a m b i e n c e , d , i- i i i i - j . i c e of forty i i " ' i no further. Air (

have '

Sexy 7 is o n e of the more upbeat tracks but still m a n a g e s t m a i n t a i n a relaxed c o o l n e s s , ''it • Need has t o be the best c. ,. t a n d begins with a brilliant mix of acoustic guitar layered over a n o t h e r brilliant bass line. Beth Hirsch provid es . the perfect v o c a l s w h i c h lifts the w h o l e s o n g , w h i l e every Individual i n s t r u m e n t • i, ' i i - and ,i • • , . c, so

»!'

i ii

.->.',-1 ,ir a s t o n -

iv of m e l l o w e - ,

lown

grooves and • v • melodies create a rmco out magic.

Id. i. • •• duces the loaermr c n o n o o s i y to t h e iii • , . -i i . it i >th a subd u e d bas . ' • • o v e a n d stay oddar•:">'':adyrhioy;snore-complex r

. . s o l o of s o m e sort near the

e n d oi e a c h track. V, i i i ,s s u c h as Remember, are p l a y e d • n i ,U w h a t s o u n d s tike a iajkbox or VOCQ. i ' i" ' ' p r o d u c i n g a n alien ( s o m e t i m e s >n ' i .I iv? the w o r d s . Finally, You Make It Easy is the oi i i -' > i! beautiful a n d p o i g n a n t . 1

I eyes,

' i

your

d /a Si >n

t o w h i c h every ' k i d ' s h o u l d listen. But w h a t d o e s that have t o d o w i t h the a l b u m ? W e l l , n o t h i n g really. But it d o e s p r o v i d e an interesting b a c k d r o p as y o u p l u g y o u r w a y t h r o u g h the s o n g s . A n d p l u g is exactly w h a t y o u d o . After the first three tracks, I w a s actually really excited and was looking forward to the next f e w s o n g s . C o u l d this be w h a t the next R o s e s ' a l b u m w o u l d have s o u n d e d like? lan's v o i c e w a s sharper a n d h a d lost s o m e of the

s o f t n e s s that h a d g r a c e d his other r e c o r d i n g s , but it w a s a g o o d m o v e . T h e n c a m e the next nine or so songs. I c o u l d n ' t believe h o w u n m e m o r a b l e they w e r e . Yeah, there w e r e a c o u p l e of nice ones, but t h e rest just i n v o l v e d s o m e u n i n s p i r e d s i n g i n g o v e r s o m e uninspired playing and s o n g writing. I c a n ' t e n d by s a y i n g that Ian B r o w n is c r a p ; he isn't. Just forgive him for this o n e . . . m

Alok

30 January

MUSIC

1998

S Vitro - Set It Down Dance a n d r o c k c o m b i n e d , e v e r y b o d y ' s d o i n g it so w h y can't V i t r o . W o r k s w e l l , but this is far f r o m original.

Dave

Hollister

Sermon - The

featuring

Redman

Eric

Weekend

Starts off w e l l e n o u g h , but s o o n g o e s d o w n h i l l as it m o v e s f r o m h i p - h o p t o s w i n g . A n o t h e r e x a m p l e of higher credible artists p u t t i n g t h e m -

Ce Ce Peniston - Somebody Else's

Guy

selves d o w n .

James

Pianos, quality f e m a l e v o c a l s , this is the D a v i d M o r a l e s O l d S c h o o l R a d i o Edit! A l l e g e d c l u b

Smokin Beats featuring Lyn Eden - Dreams

classic w i t h an u n m i s t a k a b l e h o o k .

Sounds of Pressure/Hold

Blackness On (Change Is

The Comin')

The first track is a d a n c e v e r s i o n of the G o s p e l s o u n d s that this g r o u p is r e n o w n e d for. A b e a u tiful v o i c e o n t o p m a k e s it g o o d . The flip s i d e has the lovely original v e r s i o n in all its glory. The Roger T r o u t m a n r e m i x w i t h t h e v o c o d e r m a k e s it m u c h m o r e u p b e a t a n d m o s t p e o p l e s h o u l d like this o n e .

Six s m o k i n ' tracks o n this C D , i n c l u d i n g v a r i o u s Kinane -

r e m i x e s . This d a n c e track is pretty g o o d w i t h a

Business

Forgettable i n o f f e n s i v e d a n c e that will s o u n d s

g o o d singer o n it, but t o o f e w lyrics, a n d s o m e

great w i t h the v o l u m e t u r n e d d o w n t o a m i n i -

nice beats (!)

mum.

to forgive her.

Headswim - Tourniquet H a r d l y a d e p a r t u r e f r o m the n o r m , g u i t a r - d r i v e n British indie m u s i c . . . lyrics are nice ... d e c e n t effort f r o m t h e s e g u y s f r o m their f o r t h c o m i n g a l b u m Despite Yourself. A bit like s o m e o n e else, but w h o ? W e ' v e h e a r d it all before...

Convert -

Family of Free Love - Days Like These

Dubstar - / Will Be Your Girlfriend Dubstar have a w a y w i t h w o r d s . U n f o r t u n a t e l y it s e e m s t o be the s a m e w a y w i t h e a c h single they put out. If she w a s better l o o k i n g I m i g h t be able

Nightbird

This w e e k ' s d a n c e f a v o u r i t e . It's g o t it all. Basic

Decent

u p t e m p o r e c o r d . . . but it s o u n d s

too

formula, lyricless v o c a l s , a n d t h e m i x i n g m a n s

similar t o m a n y g r o u p s n o w a d a y s . G o o d back-

d r e a m of a c o n s t a n t beat.

ground music ? Perhaps.

Earl Brutus - Come Taste My Mind

Dawn of the Replicants - Candle Fire

Senseless Things m u s i c , n e w v o c a l s . Highly a c c l a i m e d Earl Brutus m a y have m o r e a p p e a l , but their career will p r o b a b l y be just as short lived. H o w e v e r , t h e y d o w i n t h e c o v e r of the w e e k a w a r d . L o o k o u t for t h e t a t t o o e d m a n w i t h the bra o n .

T h o u g h t this w o u l d be s o m e kind of future-age m u s i c but it turns o u t t o be m o r e i n d i e . A v e r a g e . . . but it s e e m s that there are t o o m a n y indie tracks c o m i n g o u t trying t o s o u n d like t h e s u c c e s s f u l g r o u p s . It's a n e w turn o n the usual s o n g s about a w o m a n . It c o u l d g r o w o n y o u .

O r a n Juice Jones featuring Stu Large - Players Call The s e l f - s t y l e d player f r o m t h e 70s in full m a c k i n ' m o d e w i t h this n i c e t u n e . C h a n g i n g his player w a y s , s i n g i n g this s o n g for his girl, this is w o n d e r f u l . The flip s i d e has the track Let's Stay Together, w h e r e he g e t s back t o g e t h e r w i t h the w o m a n he cast off f r o m t h e earlier track. U n u s u a l l y , it's just a beat w i t h h i m t a l k i n g with his girl. B a c k t o t h e o l d s c h o o l . Above the Niggaz

Law - Adventures

of.../X.O./Clinic

Clever laid back p r o d u c t i o n by C o l d 1 8 7 u m c o m p l e m e n t i n g t h e i n c i s i v e lyrics f r o m the California's A b o v e the L a w . W e l l w o r t h c h e c k i n g out. Usher - You Make Me

Wanna

This R8J3 track has b e e n m a s s i v e in the clubs for a w h i l e , finally g e t s its U K release p a c k a g e d w i t h three m i x e s as w e l l as t h e original hit, w h i c h w a s n u m b e r o n e in the U S for t h e s u m m e r a n d is a c o n t e n d e r for that title o v e r here. P r o d u c e d a n d

UNBELIEVABLE T R U T H - Higher Than Reason

Superstar - Every Day I Fall Apart

sub-standard

U p t e m p o track w i t h an irritating c h o r u s that will

everyone,

i n d i e - p o p o n t h e inner s l e e v e m e n u . If o n l y all

stick in y o u r h e a d . The m u c h s o m b r e h a u n t i n g

lyrics. A d e f i n i t e m u s t - h a v e .

Faithless

looking cover

with

bands c o u l d be as g o o d as T h e V e r v e

tunes o n Every Second

w r i t t e n by Jermaine D u p r i , it s h o u l d a p p e a l to for its

uptempo

style

and

catchy

Hurts is m u c h different

Roni

and m u c h better.

A Whats up II! The return of the Tha B o m b , I'm back! Hope you all caught the last issue of Felix with the special review of the year, a whole fucking page - 1 must be moving up in the world. Yeah, I know it woz a bit late but that was nothing to do with me, I had it finished before Christmas, but the boys at Felix had some problems and you all know how the story ends. But hold up the story don't end, due to lack of space the 'phat selection of 97' missed out last week, but here it is now! The essential selection - if you disagree, I don't give a fuck - you need to have these tunes, if you ain't got dem get your arse into gear and get them.

bly do pretty well in the charts, but really its poppy shit. The Brit Awards - Method Man's gonna be there, doing his thing on a duet with Texas, she's sings he raps, any good? I'm gonna wait to hear it, and then decide. 'No, No, No, N o ' by Destiny's Child this did the rounds late last year, and I hear it and hated it, but its slowly grown on me and got to admit I may have been wrong, if you checked it and didn't like check it again, and thrust me the more you hear it the better it gets. Alright well I gotta go, so much more shit to tell y'all, but 1 just don't have the time. See Ya Next Time

You Make Me Wanna - Usher Nothin' But The Party - True On and On - Erykah Badu New York - Rakim G.H.E.T.T.O.U.T. - Changing Faces Supa Dupa Fly - Missy Elliott Let Me Clear My Throat - DJ Kool Pony - Ginuwine Never Seen Before - EMPD Toss It Up - Tupac You Bring Me Up - K - C i & Jojo Digital - Golie and KRS-1

Milen

I ain't got much time so just a quick few things Usher, blowing up all over and now even over here, released last week and goes straight in at number one, whats' happening? Everybody in the know woz chatting 'bout this years ago and the record company seems to have got the message and released it. Its success has been huge but its only been out a week and it'll be interesting to see whether it holds up or just drops out of the charts. Those who know me know the way I feel about Will Smith, funny guy, but why does he continue to release this pop style music, out this week is 'Getting Jiggy With It'. It's doing the rounds in the clubs and will proba-

Tha Bomb - Phat Selection of

'97

Mo Money, Mo Problems - Biggie feat. Puff & Mase / Can Love You - Mary J Blige feat. Lil Kim In My Bed (So So Def Remix) â&#x20AC;˘ Dru Hill Feel So Good - Mase Big Bad Mama - Foxy Brown

No Diggity - Blackstreet

Ladies Night - Lil Kim, Missy, Left Eye & Angie Martinez Can We - SWV

Gotta Get You Home - Foxy Brown

Don't Leave Me - Blackstreet Fee/in You - Yvette Michelle Hypnotise - Biggie

Triumph - Wu Tang Clan Step Into My World - KRS-1 Don't Wanna Be A Player - Joe Put

Your Hands

Where My Eyes Can

Busta Rhymes.

See

MUSIC

3 0 January 1 9 9 8

The mid 1980'$ saw two styles of music from America causing a stir over here in Europe. One was the abstract, conceptual electronic music from Detroit which became known as techno. The second, f r o m Chicago was more party-orientated; a hybrid of gospel, soul and disco. This was house.

mer musician himself, put his faith in their

esting. So, to complement the ten inch eps

talents. Thus Trax was born.

and two albums (The House that Trax Built I

The late 1 9 8 0 s saw House move into new

artists of today were commissioned to remix

to dance. Described as the second generation

give it a new edge to this work.

of house, it consisted of a slower and more psychedelic groove.

accomplished remixers and artists on a series of twelve inch eps. They have been entrusted to keep the spirit and philosophy of the label alive and healthy. Trax is shaping today's music in its own way. By bringing together such a diverse range of artists to remix and release on one label, it is pointing to the fact that categories and cliques didn't play a role in the early days of house music. A message for today, perhaps?

During this period, Chicago was a party paradise. The records fuelled the party scene, and the party scene inspired more artists to put out new records. DJing developed from changing records to mixing, scratching, and other turntable techniques. Single-handedly, one city lit a flame that would fire up the dance floors of the planet.

It's reassuring to know that the past and future of house music is in such good hands. I'm lost in music - I'm lost in sound Too far gone, ain't no way back As I hear the sound, I wanna go underground As I hear the sound, I wanna move...

The original innovators (Frankie Knuckles, Farley "Jackmaster" Funk, A d o n i s , Fingers Inc., Marshall Jefferson, etc) were creating in the true sense of the word. Here was a totally fresh approach to making music - s a m plers, synthesizers, d r u m machines. There were no rules to be obeyed, and the only limitation was the imagination of the creator.

Adonis - No Way Back Listen

02/02/98, devoted

the

Electric

midnight to

03/02/98

10 to

to the

11pm) past

Cafe

2am

and

(Monday Tuesday

for a special and

present

hour

of Trax

records.

Don't get me wrong, I don't think that music is stagnant nowadays, but we probably won't see such a complete transition, executed in such a pioneering way for a long time. main house labels at Many of the original it wasn't for Trax we able to enjoy musical

You will find the Advent, Claude Young, Felix Da Housecat and the Basement Jaxx, all

Both found their way to our shores at approximately the s a m e time. However it was house that made the biggest impact, initially. The early records of the genre were not only nightclub smashes, but even found their way into the pop charts. Steve "Silk" Hurley's Jack Your Body is a notable example. Detroit techno was equally as important to the development of modern electronic music, but that's another story.

One of Chicago's this time was Trax. artists claim that if wouldn't have been

and II) of old material, s o m e of the best of

pastures. Acid captured the m o o d of trancing

Many thanks

to Angie @

Trax U K for

invaluable help in compiling this report and the show. Al;ck Adonis Trax enjoyed a string of hit records and many of its top artists are still going strong today. O n e might expect Trax to have decided to obtain some of the commercial rewards it deserves and sell its tracks to a major label for large sums of money. But this is a difficult prospect for a label whose foundations were built on innovation, and the spread of records for the sake of a musical message. This brings us onto Trax U K , a label set up to introduce this music to a new generation of party-goers. A series of ten inch singles have aimed to highlight the importance of the original tracks in today's rich spectrum of electronic music. These are all available now. If you would prefer to pick up some classic tracks at a reasonable price as opposed to paying extortionate prices for the original pressings then they come highly recommended from the Electric Cafe.

moments such as Your Only Friend from Phuture, M r Fingers' Washing Machine, Adonis' No Way Back and Farley "Jackmaster" Funk's Love Can't Turn Around. Trax was the collaboration between Larry Herman, a successful entrepreneur, and the young artists and DJs who had so many ideas, but no capital to produce t h e m . Larry, a for-

I really admire the concept behind Trax U K for another reason. It would be so easy to just put out the old classics and market them as being "cool then, cool now!". O f course, this would be seen by many as counter-productive to the cause of progress and change, myself included. The past does contain our roots, but sticking to it can be a very negative thing. From its beginnings in 1996, Trax U K decided to keep its approach fresh and inter-

Marshall Jefferson

30 January

MUSIC

1998

REACT CLASSICS

KI-OKlf

•••• s u c h as D - S h a k e ' s Techno Trance, GTO's Pure (energy), B-Sides Magic Orchestra, Fierce Ruling D i v a ' s Rubb It In, Q u a d r o p h o n i a ' s BCDEFDGHAI Second Phase ?@A M a n t a s m , C L S Can You Feel It, t o n a m e but a f e w .

his compilation is released o n the 2 n d of February and covers the best releases o n the React label over the past s e v e n y e a r s . It is a v a i l a b l e i n e i t h e r a m i x e d tape or C D , u n m i x e d d o u b l e C D or s e x t u p l e t vinyl set. DJs D a z S a u n d a n d T r e v o r R o c k c l i f f e m i x it u p i n a b a c k t o back style, t h e s e t w o i n t e r n a tionally r e n o w n e d DJs m i x t h e album to p e r f e c t i o n . 1 d i d not realise l o o k i n g at t h e play listings h o w m a n y true c l a s s i c s there are o n this c o m p i l a t i o n . I d i d not k n o w the n a m e s , but as s o o n as I listened t o this C D I r e c o g n i s e d tune after t u n e , f r o m back in the days w h e n I just c a l l e d e v e r y t h i n g H a r d c o r e a n d y o u ' d get T e c h n o Trance tracks p l a y e d a l o n g s i d e D r u m & Bass tracks. There are s o m e m a s s i v e t u n e s f r o m the early rave s c e n e o n h e r e ,

A s y o u progress t h r o u g h the C D things get m o r e u p t o d a t e w i t h tracks s u c h as t h e a l m o s t t i m e l e s s The A g e O f L o v e - The Age Of Love, A d f a h r t : Come Into My Life a n d M a r i m o n ' s Schoneberg. S o this is a c o l l e c t i o n of s o m e of the biggest tunes o v e r the past s e v e n years, m a n y of w h i c h y o u ' d have a job t r y i n g t o find o n 12". S o for t h o s e vinyl junkies o u t there, t h e vinyl p a c k is a bargain, as this really is full of classics. N o t like t o d a y , w h e r e every n e w release is hailed as a classic before it has e v e n s o l d a c o p y . A n d for t h o s e of y o u w h o w e n t o u t raving in the early 9 0 s , there is p l e n t y o n here t o bring the m e m o r i e s f l o o d i n g back. A definitive c o l l e c t i o n of the T e c h n o Trance s o u n d s since 9 1 ' , just s h o w i n g h o w m u c h influence t h e React label has h a d o v e r the y e a r s , a n d t h e y are still g o i n g strong. Jo Public.

***

M DJ KRUSH J TOSHINORI KONDO. KLJ )

his a l b u m brings t o g e t h e r DJ K r u s h o f J a p a n , a w e l l respected figure in the Hip-Hop community and Toshinori Kondo, both from J a p a n , a l e a d i n g f i g u r e in t h e Jazz scene and a p r o f e s s i o n al trumpeter since leaving school. So we have a h i p - h o p - j a z z fusion thing going on. DJ Krush o n c e again delivers a w i c k e d a s s o r t m e n t of c o l d chilling beats, breaks a n d s c r a t c h i n g , true h i p - h o p flavours as a l w a y s . This has a very s t r o n g j a z z f l a v o u r , w h i c h is s o m e t i m e s t o o m u c h for m e , but it all b l e n d s t o g e t h e r very well. M U - C H U s l o w s the p a c e f r o m hip-hop to a more d o w n - b e a t t e m p o , a totally laid back n u m b e r , w i t h a various array of s o u n d s u s e d t o s o o t h e the s o u l , a n d the t r u m p e t i n g skills of K o n d o u s e d t o full advantage. The p a c e is lifted again q u i c k l y w i t h F U - Y U , a h e a d - n o d d i n g foottapping, funky h i p - h o p thing, I f o u n d the t r u m p e t i n g a bit t o o o v e r - p o w e r i n g , slightly s p o i l i n g it. The p a c e is s l o w e d again w i t h

SHOH-KA,

m e l l o w i n g things

out,

w i t h the s l o w rolling beats. B U - S E K I finishes things off in a fine style, e x c e l l e n t manipulation

scratching

records,

strong

c r i s p b e a t s , but o n c e again, for m e to m u c h jazzy trumpeting. W h i c h y o u m a y h a v e n o t i c e d by n o w . I f o u n d that t h e m o r e

down-

beat tracks w o r k e d the better, than the

faster

hip-hop

style

tunes.

M a y b e this is s i m p l y d u e t o trumpeting

being

not

the

over-

w h e l m i n g a n d intrusive as w i t h the faster tracks. It's a s h a m e t h e y w e n t for s u c h a full-on j a z z d i r e c t i o n , instead of s o m e of t h e tracks h a v i n g a jazz i n f l u e n c e , all t h e tracks are w e l l a n d truly j a z z e d u p . 1 m u s t say it surp r i s e d m e just h o w jazz u p this a l b u m is, after h e a r i n g m u c h of DJ Krush's previous work. This a l b u m s e e m t o be a i m e d at j a z z lovers m o r e t h a n h i p - h o p / breakbeat l o v e r s .

Jo Public.

EXPERIMENTAL Finitribe Frantic Remixes (Infectious) The C D b o a s t s a w i d e r range of r e m i x e s t o the vinyl. The s a d t h i n g is that I prefer t h e m all t o the original. F r o m t h e m e n a c i n g d r u m ' n ' b a s s s o u n d scape c o n j u r e d u p by S c i s s o r k i c k s t o t he d r e a m y dubby d o w n b e a t c r e a t i o n o f C u t L a R o c ; f r o m s o m e a c i d i c o l d s k o o l e l e c t r o by A l p e o p l e t o t o loads of c r a z y b e a k b e a t s f r o m M i c r o s p e e c h ; f r o m the m u r k y d e p t h s of W i t c h m a n ' s h a u n t i n g downbeat adventure to s o m e blunted hip-ho p breaks by L a i d b a c k . There is s o m e t h i n g here for everyone but the purist. Ryuichi Sakamoto Anger/Grief remixes (Ninja Tunes) A p r e l u d e t o the v e t e r a n J a p a n e s e c o m p o s e r ' s a l b u m of m o d e r n i n s t r u m e n t a l m u s i c , this e p boasts s o m e of the w i l d e s t m u s i c a l e x p e r i m e n t s that I have ever w i t n e s s e d . A m o n T o b i n c r e a t e s a viciously dark d r u m ' n ' b a s s p i e c e o u t of Grief that left m e breathless. A n g e r has b e e n i n c l u d e d in its original f o r m , a c o n f u s e d barrage of s o u n d that hits t h e listener f r o m all angles. The r e m i x es include fierce breakbeats f r o m Rare Force, a n u n d e s c r i b a b l e " O r c h e s t r a vs s a m p l e r " c o n t e s t f r o m C h o c o l a t e Force (aka T - P o w e r ) a n d Talvin Singh's a m a z i n g t a b l a ' n ' b a s s effort, a p a c y p i e c e of g e n i u s . T h e y say anger d r i v e s a n d inspires the best of a b r e e d . H e r e ' s t h e e v i d e n c e . . .

T E C H N O Orlando Voorn presents the Stalker Blast EP. pt 2 (Fierce!) Released Feb. Part 1 features m i x e s by Freddie Fresh. This EP b o a s t s the p r o d u c t i o n talents of S o m a ' s Funk R D ' V o i d . H i s interpretation of NOPQ is characteristic of his s o u n d ; s m o o t h , d e e p a n d h a r m o n i c . M y f a v o u r i t e t r a c k s are t h o s e o f f e r e d by TUVWXYTUVWX a n d O r l a n d o o n the flipside S ]^]_ Z[\ Passion). B o t h are abstract, quirky a n d yet e x t r e m e l y d a n c e a b l e p i e c e s of m u s i c .

h o u s e Gus Gus. Sasha

g a r a g e

mix.

Polyesterday O u t Now. S a s h a g i v e s this t u n e the d e e p - breakbeaty house treatment, plenty of time-stretches, e c h o i n g v o c a l s &. s t r o n g b r e a k - b e a t s . This track also has a trancey feel t o it, but n o t as hard as I w o u l d have e x p e c t e d f r o m S a s h a , it never really s e e m s t o get g o i n g , just rolls a l o n g . N o t really a floor burner, m o r e of a p l e a s a n t journey. Marco Zaffarano.

The

Band.

(Silver Planet). O u t Now. Lee Grainge Island Life EP (Human) Three s t u n n i n g tracks o n the d e b u t o u t i n g for this label. Evil Knevil c r e a t e s a b i g a t m o s p h e r i c s o u n d ; an e l e c t r o n i c collage that will fire u p y o u r i m a g i n a t i o n . Winter is a softer a m b i e n t p i e c e . Skating on Thin Ice is a l o v i n g l y - c r a f t e d offering, d e e p e r t h a n the first t w o . It is o b v i o u s f r o m this e p that m e l o d y a n d m o o d are i m p o r tant t o L e e . M u s i c like this d o e s n ' t o f t e n a p p e a r so don't waste your chance.

The W a y O u t W e s t m i x is truly great, the best w o r k t h e y ' v e d o n e in a w h i l e in m y o p i n i o n . They have t r a n s f o r m e d the track into a w i c k e d break beat affair, a l m o s t s o u n d s D&J3 at first, but g o e s in perfectly w i t h a s t a n d a r d h o u s e t u n e . Clever d r u m patterns, s q u e l c h y s o u n d s , s t r e t c h e d bl i n e s , t i m e - s t r e t c h e s , tight p r e c e s s i o n s a n d trancey t e n d e n c i e s . Totally refreshing. Beanfield Electro-Kraut

remixes Vol I (Compost)

W i l l t h e s e r e m i x e s s p o i l an a l r e a d y great p i e c e of Ultratubes vs Pierre Horspielmusik

03 (Horspielmusik)

Four tracks w i t h u n p r o n o u n c a b l y l o n g G e r m a n n a m e s . H o w e v e r the m u s i c is great! Y o u ' l l find hard t e c h n o w i t h strange f r e q u e n c i e s w i g g l i n g a r o u n d , r h y t h m i c electro, m i n i m a l funk a n d c y b e r s o n i c c r a z i n e s s . C h e c k this o u t .

m u s i c ? In the c a p a b l e

h a n d s of t w o lans w e

have t w o t o p quality t r a c k s . M r P o o l e y s m o o t h s a w a y the e d g e s ,

l e a v i n g a slick p i e c e of early

m o r n i n g h o u s e m u s i c . M r O ' B r i e n injects his quirky b r e e d of e l e c t r o n i c jazz, a n d maintains the d e p t h . A l s o c h e c k the D M X C r e w for a m e l l o w p i e c e of subtle e l e c t r o .

Al;ck

3 0 January

1998

Controversial Timing for Terrorist Release RESURRECTION MAN

c o m e u p p a n c e . N o t i m e is s p e n t o n the m o t i v e s b e h i n d his v i o l e n c e but w e are g i v e n a n insight into his family life and the bizarre a d m i r a t i o n he c o m m a n d s f r o m every f e m a l e he e n c o u n t e r s .

Starring: Stuart T o w n s e n d DirectonMarc Evans

ky m a g a z i n e is g o i n g t o have a lot t o a n s w e r for if p e o p l e believe their q u o t e that this is "The first great film of 1 9 9 8 " . This is by no m e a n s a b a d f i l m , but t o r e c o m m e n d it t o e v e r y b o d y in the way they have will result in m a n y discontented audiences.

The film p o r t r a y s t h e life of Vi c to r Kelly, leader of t h e n o t o r i o u s Shankhill B u t c h e r s . T he g a n g w a s feared t h r o u g h o u t N o r t h e r n Ireland d u r i n g the late seventies after m u r d e r i n g 19 p e o p l e . A l t h o u g h a l l e g e d t o be Loyalist their v i c t i m s i n c l u d e d five Protestants, d e m o n s t r a t i n g t h e purely p s y c h o t i c nature of their enterprise. M o s t violent of all w a s their leader, w h o built a r e p u t a t i o n by d i s p e n s i n g s l o w t o r t u o u s d e a t h s at r a n d o m .

Stuart Townsend. Scary.

Stuart T o w n s e n d is g i v e n the d u b i o u s pleasure of p l a y i n g this unlikable character. H e s e e m s t o relish the role, h o w e v e r , a n d is a l m o s t w o r r y i n g l y effective in his chilling p o r t r a y a l . A s Kelly d e s c e n d s

further into insanity T o w n s e n d b e c o m e s m o r e a n d m o r e believable, but unfortunately the storyline fails t o m a i n t a i n interest. The o n l y r e a s o n t o k e e p w a t c h i n g is t o enjoy seeing him receive his

This w e e k is p r o b a b l y not the m o s t fortunate t i m e t o release a film about Loyalist hitmen. H o w e v e r , d i r e c t o r M a r c Evans will not be u p s e t if this c a u s e s s o m e added publicity. Some of t h e s c e n e s in the W e l s h m a n ' s s e c o n d major film s e e m to have no p u r p o s e o t h e r than to c a u s e c o n troversy. This is a s h a m e as the t i m e w o u l d have been better s p e n t e x p l a i n i n g s o m e of the r e a s o n i n g behind Kelly's actions. An e x a m i n a t i o n of t h e b a c k g r o u n d t o Ireland's p r o b l e m s might have a d d e d t o o u r u n d e r s t a n d i n g of Kelly's b e h a v i o u r . It m a y also have turned the film into s o m e t h i n g m o r e m e m o r a b l e than just another v i o l e n t feature a b o u t a particularly ruthless killer. O Chris

' NIC

Win tickets for Titanic courtesy of

Starring: L e o n a r d o D i C a p r i o Kate W i n s l e t Director:|ames C a m e r o n * * * *

gâ&#x20AC;&#x201D;* ureiy n o s y n o p s i s is r e q u i r e d here. Just in c a s e : p o o r b o y m e e t s rich girl, they fall in iove a n d e n d u p g e t t i n g w e t . The q u e s t i o n is w h e t h e r this is done well. The answer, predictably, is that it d e p e n d s o n w h a t y o u are s e e k i n g . If y o u are l o o k i n g for either a love s t o r y or hectic action then you'll have seen superior f i l m s . If, h o w e v e r , y o u w a n t an e p i c c o m b i n a t i o n of the t w o t h e n this is u n m i s s a b l e . I he m o s t i m p r e s s i v e visua Titanic are surprisingly not f o u n d in t h e s i n k i n g s c e n e s but in t h e meticulous reproduction of the ship's interior. The audience receives a real i m p r e s s i o n of b o t h the luxury f o u n d in first class a n d the a p p a l i n g w o r k c o n d i t i o n s in the engine r o o m . The love story is given a full t w o h o u r s t o d e v e l o p before t h e inevitable CGI s i n k i n g s c e n e s begin , but t h e s e are n o t quite as e x c e p t i o n a l as the h y p e â&#x20AC;˘id have us believe. But no mattet, for by n o w the a u d i e n c e actually cares w h a t happens to t h e l e a d s a n d that alone is something special. D Chris

O DEON y

I I

KENSINGTON N o q u e s t i o n i n g the film of t h e m o m e n t . L e o n a r d o D i C a p r i o a n d Kate W i n s l e t star in j a m e s C a m e r o n ' s epic tale of the unsinkable Titanic, the m o s t e x p e n s i v e film of all t i m e . It s h o u l d c o m e as n o surprise therefore t o learn that the O d e o n K e n s i n g t o n has p r o v i d e d five pairs of tickets t o s e e the film a l o n g w i t h five posters for our w e e k l y c o m p e t i t i o n . T o enter, s i m p l y e - m a i l f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k w i t h a n s w e r t o the f o l l o w i n g q u e s t i o n by T u e s d a y

the

Which other James Cameron film was also set at sea?

The w i n n e r s of last w e e k ' s c o m p e t i t i o n s k n e w that abcde a n d Burt R e y n o l d s starred in Smokey and the ` that Robocop f e a t u r e d the line " Y o u have t w e n t y seconds to c o m p l y . " N i k o o Saber, A l i c e O g d e n , A h - W o n g Jacqueline, dh N g W e i H a n a n d Vivien M a w i n tickets for `ffg Nights. A n d r e w Vivian, B e n James, Daniel Thuysbaert, Sinan Isilay a n d P a b l o Arrighi g e t t o s e e Starship Troopers for free.

30 January

1998

FICTION

THE CUCKOO'S PARTING CRY Anthea Halliwell

his is the story of o n e

summer

: Cue

the

hot

nature w i t h spirit a n d s e e m s t o p i c k

1930's

up p i e c e s of the p u z z l e but b e i n g

t h r o u g h the e y e s of an eight

old

doesn't

always

ration tells of fishing trips in the

is w h a t is h a p p e n i n g a r o u n d Fidgie.

picnic

lunches

and

new

f o u n d f r i e n d s h i p w i t h a b o y c alled

This is a cleverly c o n s t r u c t e d n o v e l

Chaz.

w i t h only s n i p p e t s of i n f o r m a t i o n

However

her

innocent

rem arks a b o u t life a r o u n d the bay

coming

reveal a d i s t u r b i n g u n d e r c u r r e nt of

reader

deception

story whilst l e a v i n g Fidgie in c o n f u -

and

adultery

amongst

through can

Fidgie,

deduce

but

the

reveal her c h a r a c t e r i s a t i o n s t o the a u d i e n c e but not eight year o l d . This is an enjoyable r e a d that is well c o n s t r u c t e d w i t h s t r o n g characters a n d intriguing s t o r y l i n e . P e r h a p s a different g e n r e t o y o u r usual read but 1 w o u l d a d v i s e y o u t o give it a try. Clare

the adults in her c o m m u n i t y . W h i l s t

s i o n . The reader w a n t s t o ask q u e s -

P u b l i s h e d by Black S w a n

Fidgie

t i o n s , but a n eight year o l d l o o k s

Price £ 5 . 9 9

for different a n s w e r s , h e n c e this is

Out now.

concerns

herself

in the

day

with

her

and

the

o p p o r t u n i t y t o e s c a p e f r o m her v i n -

Jack S t r a w has a job o n his h a n d s . T o n y Blair has c a l l e d for p o s t - h o n e y m o o n s p e e c h e s by c o l leagues as a result. A l t h o u g h his p o p u l a r i t y is still as high as ever, his party's s h o w i n g in the p o l l s d i s plays a g r o w i n g s e n s e of u n e a s e a m o n g the p u b l i c . But w h y s h o u l d this be? A f t e r all, o u r e c o n o m y is d o i n g w o n d e r f u l l y , rather better that the rest of E u r o p e ( w h o are presently mutilating their e c o n o m i e s t o fit E M U criteria that

years

realise the relevance. The real story

amusement

We've all been naughty boys and girls, apparently. O u r Home Secretary, Jack Straw (a previous NUS President), says that we are in the grip of a 'profound sense of cynicism'. He has the sense not to blame us for it: it was the Tories' fault of c o u r s e , their record of self-serving indulgence n Government is actually at the root of the problem. This is however an admission of sorts that the present Government has not yet dispelled what they had hoped to do earlier, allowing them to regain the trust of the people to govern more effectively. Tony Blair has enlisted Jack Straw to bring this message to the people. Straw has been 'New Labour' since before 'New Labour' even existed - calling for the scrapping of Clause Four while John Smith was in charge. Other contenders to bring this message across have fallen by the wayside: Gordon Brown and Robin C o o k have had unfavourable m e d i a a t t e n t i o n recently, and John Prescott is said to have enough on his plate already.

eight

y e a r o l d girl c a l l e d Fidgie. H e r narbay,

R T I N G

unusual novel where

d i c t i v e elder sister C l y , there is t e n -

b e t w e e n the lines is as

s i o n b u i l d i n g u p a r o u n d her. Fidgie

combines

Halliwell m a n a g e s t o

naturally i n q u i s i t i v e

w e c o u l d a c h i e v e fairly painlessly s h o u l d w e w a n t t o ) . L a b o u r majority in the C o m m o n s is as stratosp h e r i c as it w a s in M a y . Britain is s h o w i n g a r e s u r g e n c e in p o p u l a r i t y a b r o a d - the G o v e r n m e n t s h o u l d be l a u g h i n g . P e r h a p s t h e p r o b l e m lies w i t h i n e x p e r i e n c e in G o v e r n m e n t , a n d w e are s i m p l y w i t n e s s i n g t h e t e e t h i n g t r o u b l e s of w h a t will be a perfectly competent administrat i o n . I w o u l d s u g g e s t that it g o e s d e e p e r t h a n that. In m a n y w a y s L a b o u r are still b e h a v i n g like a n

the

Service

text

reading

important

them.

Anthea

successfully

w o r k for t h e m ,

tried

replace t h e m a n d it has n't w o r k e d . The a f o r e m e n t i o n e d a s s i s t a n t s are hired p e r s o n a l l y by the m i n i s t e r . If he rises, s o d o e s t h e assistant.

the m i n i s t e r is f i r e d , t h e n the h o l i d a y is over for t h e assistant. breeds

faint

Government Gordon Charlie

loyalty at

large

Brown's Whelan,

for -

the

witness

'boot and

This

his

boy', foul-

m o u t h e d insults hurled at D o w n i n g Street w h i c h c a m e t o the a t t e n t i o n of the p r e s s last A u t u m n . Other problems with ministers

Hamish Common W e s t m i n s t e r

Eye Opposition party. W h e n they a r r i v e d in G o v e r n m e n t t h e y set a b o u t c h a n g i n g s o m e fairly f u n d a m e n t a l w a y s in w h i c h the m a c h i n ery of G o v e r n m e n t itself w o r k s , a n d it s e e m s s o m e of t h e s e d e c i s i o n s w o u l d have b e n e f i t e d f r o m a little m o r e f o r e t h o u g h t as t o the long-term consequences. The effective r e p l a c e m e n t of civil servants by p o l i t i c a l a d v i s o r , s p i n d o c t o r s (call t h e m w h a t y o u will) has m e a n t a slight i m p r o v e m e n t in day-to-day media manipulation, but w h e n hell breaks l o o s e , stories g o t o u t of a h a n d a n d press a t t e n t i o n i n c r e a s e d . M i n i s t e r s , rather t h a n l e a r n i n g t o m a k e the Civil

have b e e n their lack of a p p r e c i a t i o n of the p u b l i c effect of their a c t i o n s . W h e n the L o r d C h a n c e l l o r , L o r d Irvine, s p e n t £ 6 5 0 , 0 0 0 of taxp a y e r ' s m o n e y o n his o w n a p a r t m e n t , he s h o u l d not have s a i d that p u b l i c will thank h i m for it. P e r h a p s Peter Kilfoyle, the Public Service M i n i s t e r s h o u l d have t h o u g h t t w i c e before o r d e r i n g his c h a u f f e u r t o drive 200 meters from his W h i t e h a l l office t o P a r l i a m e n t , t h e n p u l l i n g over t o the s i d e (on o n e of L o n d o n ' s busiest r o a d s ) , s h o u t i n g t o an o l d f r i e n d : " L o o k at this great isn't it? W a n t a lift?" W h a t w a s C h e r i e Blair t h i n k i n g w h e n she flew out her p e r s o n a l hairdresser

w i t h her o n a trip t o the States? ( A l t h o u g h s h e d i d p a y t h e flight herself). That a n d t h e figures s p e n t in ' m o d e r n i s i n g ' m i n i s t e r i a l offices - £17,000 for a i r - c o n d i t i o n i n g h e r e , £ 6 5 , 0 0 0 for r e d e c o r a t i o n t h e r e , a n d it d o e s n ' t m a k e for h a p p y r e a d i n g in D o w n i n g Street. H o w e v e r it t a k i n g the issue d o w n t o t h e level of s t u d e n t p o l i tics (dare 1 say it) for the m e d i a t o d e s p a i r t o o m u c h at m i n i s t e r i a l s p e n d i n g . S o m e of the i n v e r t e d snobbery by ministers (the C h a n c e l l o r r e f u s i n g t o w e a r black tie for City d i n n e r s ) m a k e s the justi f i c a ti o n of e x p e n d i t u r e m o r e difficult, but t h e r o o t c a u s e of m u c h o f f i c e r e d e c o r a t i o n at least w a s the T o r i e s ' refusal t o s p e n d m u c h o n it, for fear of b e i n g a c c u s e d o n c e a g a i n of e x t r a v a g a n c e . Paddy A s h d o w n ' s rather p o m p o u s calls for ' a c e r t a i n frugality ... e v e n m e a n n e s s ' s h o u l d be i g n o r e d . The G o v e r n m e n t of a c o u n t r y s u c h as o u r s s h o u l d at least be able t o p r o vide offices and a c c o m m o d a t i o n for its m o s t s e n i o r m e m b e r s in a style w h i c h their p o s i t i o n d e s e r v e s . O n the subject of t h e s p i n d o c t o r s and political assistants, Tony Blair's m e s s a g e t o t h e C a b i n e t not t o get b o g g e d d o w n a n d t o see the w i d e r p i c t u r e will h o p e f u l l y not be i g n o r e d . It w o u l d be a pity if the G o v e r n m e n t was brought d o w n with completely self-inflicted political w o u n d s .

ARTS

3 0 January

1998

ALL THE ART T H A T ' S FIT TO PRINT

J O H N HEGLEY A N D NIGEL ijkklmnopy Theatre

SIGHTINGS - NEW PHOTOGRAPHIC ART Institute of Contemporary Arts

akes little s e n s e " s a i d the Luton N e w s after o n e particular h o m e t o w n g i g . Y o u can see w h e r e they are c o m i n g f r o m t o be h o n e s t . H i s i n t r o v e r t e d , childish y e t surreal a n d p r o b i n g c o m i c v e r s e is generally v i e w e d as utterly bizarre, like a n G u a r d i a n read er's Ivor C u t l e r . F r o m French k n o c k - k n o c k j o k e s (Frappe-frappe. qrs est la? Jean. Jean qui? Gendarme) to observations f r o m his c h i l d h o o d (My father always told my sister that she shouldn't play with her food. He said that carrots do not make very good friends) and searching, p l e a d i n g p o e t r y , his styles subjects are diverse t o say the least, f r o m his gentle love of p o t a t o e s t o his d e c l a r a ti o ns o n religion a n d q u i r k y tales of u n r e q u i t e d l o v e . A s a performer, he is as y o u m i g h t e x p e c t , nervous, a w k w a r d t h o u g h t h r o u g h out retaining c o n t r o l , a n d he is endearingly u n a f r a i d t o m a k e a f o o l out of himself; able t o carry the f l o p p e d line w i t h a muttered excuse w h i c h usually m a n a g e s m o r e of a laugh t h a n the i n t e n d e d punchline. Hegley meanders a r o u n d the stage, f r o m the lip t o a lectern, o n t h e n t o a b l a c k b o a r d o n

INSIDE Carol Robertson and Helen Sear

Yes, but is it art? Photo: Virginia

w h i c h he c h a r t s his journey g e o g r a p h i c a l l y as he d e s c r i b e s his life story in v e r s e a n d s o n g , a c c o m p a n i e d by the ever d e a d p a n N i g e l o n t h e P o r t u g u e s e g u i t a r . A brief a t t e m p t at i m p r o v i s a t i o n left h i m f l o u n d e r i n g just b e f o r e the break, but he c o a s t e d the s e c o n d half after a slide s h o w of his s i m p l e , hilarious line d r a w i n g s a n d novelty p o t a t o i t e m s . A lot of m a t e r i a l w a s from his r e c e n t compendium Family Pack, i n c l u d i n g classics like uvwuux Dogs and The Difference t Home Sheds, The Play a n d Coming For Christmas, but he also d e m o n s t r a t e d a g o o d a m o u n t of n e w w o r k s . H i s regular a p p e a r a n c e s o n M a r k Radcliffe's old Radio 1 e v e n i n g s h o w e n s u r e d a fairly full theatre, but 1 feel that b o t h he a n d the a u d i e n c e w o u l d have b e n e f i t e d f r o m a m o r e intimate v e n u e . S h o w n the appreciation he deserves, Hegley can charm and delight. H e d i d n ' t quite pull it off at the B l o o m s b u r y , but he w a s still a l right. A p o l o g i e s . . .

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a t i o n of life are also a p p a r e n t in the

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b e c o m i n g a t r a d e m a r k of the ICA.

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g l a n c e a n d they e n c o u r a g e at least

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d o w n t o the smallest w r i n k l e . This

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v i e w e d next t o w o r k i n s p i r e d by

[Look o u t for an interview w i t h John H e g l e y by M r . Trout next { w e e k - Arts yz

A l i c e in W o n d e r l a n d , w i t h a slightly

Institute of C o n t e m p o r a r y Art

t w i s t e d e d g e of c o u r s e ,

The M a l l , S W I , C h a r i n g C r o s s tube

this is m o d e r n art. Several

he n e w exhibitio n in the ante r o o m gallery is a b o u t a m i l lion t i m e s better t h a n the p r e v i o u s o n e . This is the best t h i n g I c a n say a b o u t it. Sure, it's very pretty, but is it A R T ? The exhibitio n really is c o m pletely i n n o c u o u s stuff, c o n s i s t i n g of s o m e g e o m e t r i c patterns, p h o t o g r a p h s of bird-cages w i t h light shining behind them, more phot o g r a p h s this t i m e of fossils, all the sort of t h i n g that y o u ' d e x p e c t t o s e e in a k i t c h e n or a b a t h r o o m , not a n art gallery. It's very m i d d l e class, tasteful art. 1 liked everything, but o n l y in a passive w a y . It's n o t art, not really. It d i d n ' t p r o m p t any s t r o n g e m o t i o n s or reactions f r o m m e at all, w h i c h surely is the p o i n t . A t least " b l a n ket", the p r e v i o u s o n e , m a d e m e cross. " I n s i d e " is a fairly restful e x h i b i t i o n , so if y o u ' v e h a d a l o n g day, g o in a n d g a z e at the pictures, a n d feel w a v e s of inertia w a s h over y o u . O t h e r w i s e , d o n ' t bother.

Julia H A n t e R o o m Gallery, Sherfield Until 1 1 February

after all

the

S h o w i n g until 15 M a r c h a r ti s t s

have

HOT MIKADO

S Light Opera Soc

nother perk of this job is the ability t o p l u g y o u r f r i e n d s ' productions. Hot Mikado is a r e - w o r k i n g of the Gilbert a n d Sullivan original, with basically e v e r y t h i n g c h a n g e d e x c e p t for the plot, w h i c h is t o r t u r e d a n d very c o m p l i c a t e d . The m u s i c is in the '50s/'60s rock style, w i t h f a m o u s s o n g s s u c h as "Three Little M a i d s From School" scored to sound m o r e like the Beverly Sisters. If y o u like m u s i c a l s , this s h o u l d be a g e m . It's g o i n g t o be very c o l o u r ful, w i t h orange, pink a n d blue '40s z o o t suits. There'll be a review of it in next w e e k ' s issue, s o w a t c h o u t for that, a n d d o g o a n d see the s h o w , I'm sure it'll be great.

Arts Ed. Hot Mikado U n i o n C o n c e r t Hall 3 - 7 February £ 5 , £ 4 students.

Not at all insignificant, actually

Photo:

Seeta

alking a b o u t plugs, 1 really enjoyed DramSoc's product i o n of Insignificance. Their next p r o d u c t i o n will be " A C h o r u s of D i s a p p r o v a l " . W a t c h this s p a c e for m o r e details

Arts Ed.

30 January

ARTS

1998

MOTORCYCLE MANIA

THE ART OF THE HARLEY n Art Gallery h o n e s t iron w o r k h o r s e of A m e r i c a w a s lost in a s e a of c h r o m e , a p e hanger handlebars and fatbob tanks.

A Harley-Davidson yesterday The H a r l e y D a v i d s o n m o t o r b i k e originated f r o m t h e g a r a g e o f a M r William S. H a r l e y a n d a M r A r t h u r D a v i d s o n in 1 9 0 2 . T he first bikes were robust and purposeful machines intended to withstand the rough r o a d s of t u r n - o f - t h e - c e n tury A m e r i c a . A r o u n d 1 9 4 5 , t h e first c u s t o m i s e d bikes s tarte d t o be p r o d u c e d a n d f r o m that p o i n t o n , the

The 'Art of t h e Harley' f o l l o w s t h e history of c u s t o m i s i n g t h r o u g h its m a n y different styles, f r o m 'bobber' (a basic s t r i p p e d d o w n look) t o ' c h o p p e r ' ( H U G E front forks) t o 'lowrider' (short-arses o n l y ) . The latest styles are all a b o u t e n c l o s e d car-type bodywork with streamlined curves a n d vivid paint-jobs. T he 'Ferrari Bike' is i m p r e s s i v e , if c o m p l e t e l y o v e r t h e t o p . In t o t a l , ther e is a n a s s o r t m e n t of about thirty c u s t o m s , e a c h w i t h a q u i c k n o t e a b o u t their c u s t o m i s a t i o n . The n a m e s , h o w e v e r , are w o r t h the j o u r n e y a l o n e : ' H o g z i l l a ' , 'Flight Deville' a n d 'Tribute t o Stevie Ray V a u g h a n ' , all w i t h high a m u s e m e n t value. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , for g e n u i n e biki n g fans like myself, there s e e m e d t o be a n a b s e n c e of w h a t o n e c o u l d call 'real bikes'. T he bikes o n s h o w w e r e clearly never m e a n t t o be r i d d e n o n the r o a d s a n d w e r e m o r e

art exhibits than f u n c t i o n a l m o t o r bikes. Harley's c l a i m that their bikes offer y o u a " m a n a n d m a c h i n e r i d ing e x p e r i e n c e " w a s not realised in this e x h i b i t i o n . The blurb i n t e n d e d t o c o n v e y the e t h o s of the t a t t o o e d o u t l a w - a p e r s o n in c o n t r o l of their o w n d e s t i n y etc., but l o o k i n g at t h e glitzy, r a z z m a t a z z of the bikes o n display, I was unconvinced. Frankly, t h e s e c u s t o m i s e d bikes are as b o r n t o be w i l d as a very n e r v o u s laboratory m o u s e . A t y p i c a l o w n e r is m o r e likely t o s p e n d the aftern o o n p o l i s h i n g their 'Frisco-style' tanks t h a n actually riding. The m e r e t h o u g h t of salty British w i n t e r r o a d s m u s t set their a r m s t w i t c h i n g for the Turtle W a x a n d c h r o m e cleaner. A quick glance round established the identity of the clean-cut Harley follower: a bunch of m i d d l e - a g e d S l o a n i e s , i n c l u d i n g a c o u p l e in s q u e a k y c l e a n leathers w h o o b v i o u s l y hadn't b e e n r i d i n g a n y t h i n g m o r e rebellious than a black c a b that d a y . T o c o n f i r m m y s c e p t i c i s m , the gallery f u n n e l l e d us into a w e l l - s t o c k e d s h o p selling

b r a n d e d T-shirts a n d j a c k e t s . Is the H a r l e y i m a g e all just o n e b i g m a r k e t i n g e x e r c i s e ? D e s p i t e the f l a m b o y a n c e o f t h e d i s p l a y , t h e exhibit i o n is a c t u a l l y e n j o y a b l e . The c r a f t s m a n s h i p is s i m p l y s u p e r b , so forget t h e fact that y o u are l o o k i n g at a m o t o r b i k e , a n d let y o u r eyes feast o n a b a n q u e t of glittering c h r o m e and technicolour paintwork. It is w o r t h g o i n g just t o i m m e r s e y o u r s e l f for an e v e n i n g in a s e a of q u i t e s u m p t u o u s if slightly lurid c o l o u r . G o o n , let y o u r eyes live, a n d g i v e t h e m a break f r o m the s e n s o r y d e p r i v a t i o n of c o l l e g e c o n crete g r e y . For just £ 3 , w i t h s t u d e n t ID, it's a b a r g a i n . A s t o w h a t I think of the 'art' of the Harley? N o t m u c h better than a c a n d y pink X R 2 w i t h s m o k e d glass w i n d o w s a n d a M a x Power sticker...

T he A r t of the H a r l e y Barbican Centre EC I Tube: Barbican Until 2 6 A p r i l

l !

Comperes required The Overseas Students Committee is looking for comperes to help host International Night, which takes place on Friday 13th February. So if you think you are charming, confident, witty and not afraid of performing on stage Come along to auditions to be held in the Great Hall on Sunday, 1st February at 1.00 pm. or contact N'Diorel on

6 5 02 05, or e-mailnhd@ch Jc.ac.uk

Rogers

Fri 3 0 b h Indiepop for the m a s s e s

common

people

music mom S E L L D P H A N E S U N c o c k t a i l bar. S-S. F r e e b 4 S t a n d i n g ViLLA v

0) c 111 3

R o o m O n l y E 4pm

FICTION

30 January 1 9 9 8

Raising Demons C a s p a r V o n W r # d e

The concluding part... Ron w a s h o l d i n g t h e back of his neck w i t h both h a n d s a n d blinking r a p i d l y in • >rt t o r i prevent t h e tears w h i c h wi • i n • a t e n l n g t o w e l l up and o v e r f l o w his e y e l i d s Earlier, I >an w o u l d have laughed i n w a r d l y at t h e heroic efforts that Ron w a s m a k i n g t o p r e v e n t h i m s e l f f r o m c r y i n g , but n o w he felt a n u n k n o w n e m p a t h y f o r N m . They all c r a n e d u p t o look at t h e b a s e . l o f h i s neck, gently r e m o v i n g his hands.: "It's n o t a sting," s a i d Z e d . T h ey s a w a s m a l l , very red mark, a b o u t half a n i n c h a c r o s s . "1 w o n d e r if-" "SHIT!" This t i m e it w a s M a r c o , H e w a s bent over c l u t c h i n g his c h e e k w i t h both; h a n d s , " O h my G O D , that hurts," h e r a s p e d , h i s e y e s firmly s c r e w e d shut. Dan a n d Z e d l o o k e d a r o u n d , p a n i c - s t r i c k e n . "This isn't funny," h a l f - w h i s p e r e d Z e d . t h e shrill of hysteria very plain in his l l p e # All o f t h e m wete in a half c r o u c h , e x c e p t f l p r v f t o n , w h o h a d shut his eyes very tightly in a bid, t o exlrjude h i m self f r o m t h e w o r l d . S u d d e n l y they h e a r d t h e s n a p o f a b r e a k i n g branch in t h e h e d g e that r a n t h e length of t h e field they w e r e s t a n d i n g in. A f y o i c e c alled o u t . " H a h a , h o w d o e s it feel? C a n ' t t h e little brats take p a i n like g r o w n m e n ? " Dan s t r a i g h t e n e d u p . H e w a s s w e a t i n g repeatedly u n d er his breath. T w o figures leapt out of the h e d g e a n d s tarte d s a u n t e r i n g t o w a r d s t h e m . O n e of t h e m w a s lazily w a v i n g a black air rifle with t e l e s c o p i c sight at t h e m ;

,i>

straightened

• •

looked

a r o u n d . "What are he little f; .-cus d o i n g h e i e . I ifvonder?" H l ' j f p ? B u t c h ' s e y e , w h o gave an iriiotic g u f f a w . D i g g i n g holes? H o w cute, 'fn ; "Leave us alone," said Z e d , w h o h a d t a k e n off bisfglasses and w a s fiirir.-nsiy r s j i s f f ^ n .i w i t h t h e h e m of his j u m p e r . Bill t u r n e d t o h i m a n d w a s about t o take a step towards h i m when Ron spoke. "What have we d o n e t o y o u ? " H e a s k e d . D a n c l o s e d his e y e s a n d w i s h e d himself a l o n g w a y , away. Bill s n i | 6 | ? i l % e l i if it i s h ^ W y g r f t e s u r p r i s e d you managed to S ^ n g 4 ^ o J H ^ n t e | i ^ t o v , e i h er there, Plug, w i t h n o t h i n g b u t shit b e t w e e n y o u r ea,-»" " , mouth was npt c n e n r

Dan U , s . . n ,> < < <- -•.' l~ w a s beginning << fi! his m i n d . It w a s hate a n d ringer, •. i . i , , . -n was sweeping' e v e r y t h i n g else out o f his c o n s c i o u s n e s s , i c a n s ing it like a fire. D a n d i d n ' t try t o s t o p i i . It w a s beautiful s o m e h o w , delfciously frighteninc h a d never felt anger like r"n • , re a n d s u d denly he w a s l o o k i n g R o n in t h e eyes. H e willed Ron t o .feel t h e sameJ^QJfdrfrik his anger, t o infect h i m , a n d that is i S a c t l y w h a t h a p p e n e d . For t h e rest o f his life, even t h o u g h h e never: m e n t i o n e d it t o a n y o n e , he truly b e l i e v e d thai this is w h a t h a p p e n e d . D a n w o u l d b e c o m e scientist, t o his o w n m i l d surprise, but h e haftf a l w a y s been a rational thinker. W h a t h a p p e n e d in that m o m e n t w a s not rational. In his later life it w o u l d embarrass h i m t o think about it, or even c o n t e m p l a t e w h a t h a p p e n e d , s o m u c h s o that he eventually m a n a g e d to block it out o f his m i n d . W h a t he believed w a s that s o m e h o w , for o n e fleeting instant, his a n d R o n ' s m i n d t o u c h e d a n d that d u r i n g this m o m e n t he w a s s u c k e d bare; in the next m o m e n t his m i n d felt as e m p t y as a v a c u u m . t

Dan, M a r c o a n d Z e d i m m e d i a t e l y r e c o g nised t h e m . They w e r e k n o w n as Bill a n d B u t c h , and w e r e p h y s i c a l l y a l m o s t e x a c t o p p o s i t e s of each other. Bill w a s tall a n d s l i m . H e h a d pale skin a n d very black, g l e a m i n g , l o n g hair w h i c h w a s s w e p t o u t of his f a c e . H e w a s offensively g o o d - l o o k i n g . B u t c h w a s shorter a n d s t o c k i e r . His face h a d b e e n s a v a g e d by a c n e , l e a v i n g p r o m i n e n t scars o n his c h e e k s a n d still lingering a r o u n d his m o u t h a n d o n his f o r e h e a d . H i s hair Ron t o o k o n e step f o r w a r d a n d b e g a n t o had been s h a v e d off a n d w a s only just rereach for the s p a d e . Bill calmly levelled the g u n e m e r g i n g in t h e f o r m of a b r o w n d u s t i n g o n his at h i m f r o m the w a i s t . scalp. Bill w a s carrying t h e air rifle. " W a t c h it, m o r o n , or I might just have t o "That's assault, y o u bastards," s h o u t e d D a n . H e w a s d i s m a y e d t o hear that his v o i c e w a s shaking. Bill a n d B u t c h c a m e t o w a r d s t h e m . M a r c o and Ron still h a d their h a n d s o v e r their injuries. Bill w a l k e d u p t o D a n a n d s t o p p e d half a f o o t in front of h i m . H e bent d o w n until their n o s e s alm o st t o u c h e d a n d t h e n s a i d , very softly, "just w a t c h h o w y o u a d d r e s s y o u r betters".

r e m o v e y o u r last brain c e l l . " Ron p i c k e d u p the s p a d e . B u t c h shuffled u n c o m f o r t a b l y . D a n c a l m l y t o o k in everything. H e w a s t h i n k i n g like a m a c h i n e ; there w a s n o fear, n o hate, n o anger. H e k n o w s he c a n ' t s h o o t R o n at this range, he t h o u g h t , f r o m over by t h e h e d g e the pellet w a s n ' t g o i n g t o d o m u c h d a m a g e , just leave a bruise. But f r o m this d i s t a n c e it's g o i n g t o p u n c t u r e the skin a n d ' l l have

to be r e m o v e d surgically. H e c o u l d tell that Bill w i s t h i n k i n g furiously, e v e n t h o u g h his face w a s as e x p r e s s i o n l e s s as ever. Ron very s l o w l y b e g a n t o raise she s p a d e ; he w a s s t a n d i n g about six feet f r o m Bill a n d Holding its shaft halfway up w i t h b o t h h a n d s . ^Dan w a s a w a r e of Z e d ' s a n d M a r c o ' s b r e a t h i n g b e s i d e h i m ; it w a s q u i c k a n d s h a l l o w . "Er, Bill-" began B u t c h . Bill i g n o r e d h i m . " D r o p the s p a d e , d u d e , " he s a i d gently. R o n w a s still r a i s i n g it. Its shaft w a s parallel t o the g r o u n d . Bill w a s p o i n t i n g t h e g u n at R o n ' s thigh w h e n h e p u l l e d t h e trigger. A fraction iW:S\ S e c o n d b e f o r e the g u n gave its m e c h a n i c a l c o u g h , R o n m o v e d t h e s p a d e :

• i • ".is harm-. lessly d e f l e c t e d , T h e re is n o w a y that R o n c o u l d ' h a l p s r e a c t e d s e e q u i c k l y t o that shot, thought • D a n , h e m o v e d b e f o r e t h e shot w a s fired; he a n t i c i p a t e d it. Bill g r a b b e d the b a i r e l of the gun w i t h b o t h h a n d s a n d set it s w i n g i n g in an arc that w o u l d c o n n e c t w i t h , R o n ' s h e a d . W i t h an a l m o s t s u p e r n a t u r a l l y fast m o t i o n R o n raised the s p a d e u p t o his f a c e ' a r i l B p r n l e s s l y g a t h e r e d up tl e rifle's b l o w , t h e n u s i n g the m o m e n t u m hehad g a i n e d f r o m t h e g u n h e s l a s h e d Bill across the faeeeyvith the b l a d e o f t h e s p a d e in o n e fluid m o v e m e n t . Bill sank t o his k n e e s m a k i n g a kind r ' - N o n e o f t h e m h a d ever seen J$'nS • B T r t u c h b l o o d b e f o r e in their lives. Ron calmly |:|aisld his w e a p o n a n d again it c o n n e c t e d with Bill's h e a d . T h e s t r o k e w a s short but p o w e r f u l . N o t i m e w a s t e d , just g e t t i n g right d o w n t o business. Like a natural. Bill d i e d . s o u n c

B u t c h o v e r c a m e his paralysis a n d started running, he a l m o s t t r i p p e d , but m a d e it. R o n d i d n ' t n o t i c e . H e w a s still laying into Bill, with that s a m e alien m i n d l e s s , efficiency. After a full m i n u t e he s t o p p e d . Bill w a s u n r e c o g n i s a b l e . R o n t u r n e d t o w a r d s Z e d . still h o l d i n g the d r i p p i n g t o o l . Z e d h i t c h e d in breath t o s c r e a m , but nothing c a m e out, just a dry, c h o k e d c o u g h . Ron d r o p p e d t h e s p a d e a n d w i t h o u t turning back b e g a n t o r u n a c r o s s t h e field. M a r c o w a s s t a n d i n g very still, his e y e s firmly shut. Z e d tried t o take o f f his g l a s s e s but his h a n d s w e r e shaking s o m u c h that he d r o p p e d t h e m . D a n w a s w a t c h i n g R o n , r u n n i n g a w a y into t h e d i s t a n c e . H i s m o v e m e n t s w e r e s m o o t h a n d cat-like, fore i g n , like s o m e t h i n g f r o m a n o t h e r w o r l d .

CAPITAL

3 0 January 1 9 9 8

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CAPITAL

30 January 1 9 9 8

STARS

HOROSCOPES

Sagittarius (23/11 - 23/12) Justified s u s p i c i o n s o r a^jusjtfjcyns

Gemini (22/5 - 21/6)

o n y o u r part a p p e a r as a

The

spectful

abuse

accused.

o f trust

MotivjJ^inKy

ÂŤHI-

to the genuine

c o n c e r n for o t h e r s , the Influence o f

Ă&#x17D;Ă?Ă?Ă?Ă?Ă&#x2018;Ă&#x2019;

Air @ Bfuenote

n y Ă˘ĂŁĂ¤Ă¤ĂĽĂŚĂ§Ă¨ĂŠĂŞ ĂŤĂŹĂĂŤĂŽ

Ă&#x201C;Ă&#x201D;Ă&#x2022;Ă&#x2013;Ă&#x2014;Ă&#x2DC;Ă&#x2122; â&#x20AC;˘

I'll a:) .

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ĂľĂśĂˇĂ¸ĂšĂĽĂşĂˇ

Quality.

realise that p r e v e n t i i l a n d â&#x20AC;˘ f o t e c -

Page o f S w o r d s e n a b l e s the m e d i a -

t i o n are better i l l

tion o f this d i s t u r b i n g c o n f l i c t .

a cycle o f b l o s s o m i n g health a n d

Fascinated

by a n e n i g m a t i c or

Cancer (22/6 - 22/7)

reclusive

a c q u a i n t a n c e , f y|>u

The

sensual

Knight

Cups

announces

tery by liberating the

of d i s c o v e r y arjd -4^iatfon;" efflmi-

acter

n a t i n g in t h e c r a v i n g for a novel

10.30 bam. 1.12/ÂŁ10

hers, NUS.

mem

beneath

a fundamental M

the - superfip&l

v e n e e r . H o w e v e r , the alert A c e o f

environment

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the adoption

warns

Pajpd

unexpected

or situation.

Hence

o f a n original per-

repercussions d u e t o interference

s p e c t i v e as y o u a s s i m i l a t e a n influx

and misplaced influence.

of m e s s a g e s a n d i n f o r m a t i o n .

, a

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Leo (23/7 - 23/8)

Your e x e c u t i v e talents a n d l e a d e r -

The

ship : ^ H t S ^ H R r i a M i y b y

encourages e x c e s w e

the

truthful

Eight

of Pentacles intejlrity as

influenttal.iUng o f jCugs a r e - 4 h ÂŤ ! a t -

you honour yoiJUJMfciseSjBtespite

ened l ^ i e ^ W f E t K ^ W f l S r v i o u r of

slight t w i n g e s p f * e j r e t , J p u reap

spiteful

individuals.

the g l o r i o u s S v J W f f i f t f reJJIgnition,

a l w a y s s i m p l e f r o m a safe d i s t a n c e ,

gaining the o^MfpfFd respect and

admiration of your entourage.

remain

vigilant

Bravery when

con-

ÂŁ5 / ÂŁ3 Cone.

(iHHSai isseSi Si

Aquarius (21/1 - 18/2)

fronting the m u t i n y .

I Ipm

ÂŁI

ÂŁ5 / ÂŁ3 mem -

hers. Drinks

-eioev

Virgo (24/8 - 22/9) Pisces (19/2 - 20/3)

The p r e s e n c e o f t h e d o i

C o n s e r v a t i v e . ^ ^ E - p r e s e r v a t i o n ,3s

Queen

o f *^q|B^||gfl

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s o m e c a s e s the e l e m e n t o f risk a n d

success.

the thrill o f f o r t u r J P l ^ ^ W % e n e f i -

and authoritative attitude masfjl 1

cial s t i m u l a t i o n . T h r o u g h t h e l u c r a -

vulnerable

tive W h e e l o f Fortune, a n i m r n i l f s nt

a t t e n t i o n a n d a f f e c t i o n o f friends.

need

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powerful

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realistic c a n d o u r .

immediate decisive action and cre-

Scorpio (24/10 - 22/11)

ative initiative.

Pain

ment

o w s , s o face y o u r m i l d faults w i t h

E m p e r o f calls for

based

upon

forces even the most h o n

act falsely. I n s p i r e d & y t h e ' $ e r j e v d sug-

gests a p r o f o u n d feats: of c o m m i t s

Goodge

lent w a r n i n g s a n d threats against

The vulnerable Five of C u p s

i y

recent

Taurus (21/4 - 21/5)

ĂŻĂ°ĂąĂ˛ĂłĂ´

ÂŁ5/ÂŁ4

n u m e r o u s l c W M M H s are l e w t M R t e n d e d . The d e c e p t i v e M o o n indi-

the

MnWiMnmHS

strenuous circum-

s t a n c e s , y o u rftust c a l ^ j S u t p r e v a -

o r d e r t o assert y o u r status. I n d e e d

1 H

c h a p t e t o n a n unp||Srsant%ciderit,

manipulation

Aries (21/3 - 20/4) Under

'rn

n ,

Libra (23/9 - 23/10) In a n a t t e m p t t o h a ^ # ^ g o s e t h e

e J

c a t i o n in y o u r life-cycle c o u r s e . {til June)

universal

attempt t o solve the e J n j n g i H B ' s -

hension

Through attentive observation, y o u

prosperity.

i m

1 riesfesi

Capricorn (24/12 - 20/1)

Htgti

the u n c o n v e n t i o n a l y e t e l t r o v e r t e d

i.r)

. iOdeon

worldly

a c c o u n t s for y o u r intense c o m p r e -

obstacles or

lence

and

sympath^''

T e m p e r a n c e , y o u fofgive the faults of

others

w h e r e b y revealing t h e

e m o t i o n a l l y t r a u m a t i c Â§xpenen<

g e n e r o u s a n d bountiful nature o f

Avoid

your character.

crying

over

spilled

milk,

therefore invest y o u r energy in t h e foundation

of constructive plans

a n d principles.

3 0 January

SPORT

G o a l y Spirit

Oxford scum must die all (and w e p l a y pretty w e l l t o o l ) .

ICWHC I v Oxford

ICFC II v U C L III

ICFC I v LSE I

1998

Anyway

told

ourselves

how

great w e are. The

Firsts

against

went

into

the

LSE flying high

game

following

A nearly full t e a m - the o n l y regular

W e l l w e forgot our balls, t h e m e n

S e c o n d half, a n d Patsy s t o r m e d

absent

w o u l d n ' t g o w i t h us, a n d h a d t o

o n t o t h e p i t c h a n d into the g o a l .

borrow

A r e our t a l e n t s n e v e r e n d i n g ? 1 think

was

Felix upset

stomach

theres.

Things

weren't

last W e d n e s d a y ' s s u p e r b 4-1 w i n

Schroeder,

at Kings, M i k a e l A s k e r d a l , w a s r u l e d

c a u s e d by a d o d g y pie p u t t i n g o u r

going looking too

out with a g r o i n injury, w h i l e D o n a l

T e u t o n i c Terrier o u t of the a c t i o n .

while the subs were g o s s i p i n g and

d a y s w o r k for t h e s u p e r sexy b a b e s

Keane w a s r e t a i n e d in g o a l .

w h o are t h e IC H o c k e y b i r d s ! But

'Toadfish'

hot,

but

then,

W i t h i n m i n u t e s of t h e start, C h r i s '

setting up a sweepstake

nightmare

final s c o r e (1 7 - 0?) S c o u s e Git (the

w e were

Imperial failed t o

p a l m e d a s h o t t o the g r o u n d at his

2 n d ' s t o p s c o r e r ) s n e a k e d craftily

never p l a y e d like s u c h h e r o e s .

feet,

into the g o a l g i v i n g us a m o n u m e n -

M u c h s i n g i n g a n d a d o d g y pit

tal 1 - 0 l e a d . This p a v e d t h e w a y

s t o p o n a n o t s o h i d d e n layby a n d

superiority.

Indeed

show

they

their

went

g o a l d o w n after Jules P o r r e c a n e e d -

continued

from where

it w a s

blasted

into t h e back of the net.

lessly gave the ball a w a y t o an LSE

It b e c a m e clear that w e w e r e

striker w h o ran t h r o u g h t o s c o r e . It

the better t e a m . A ball f r o m Pat

the

A l l in a

The first half w a s d i s a p p o i n t i n g

'98

not. A n y w a y w e w o n 2 - 0 .

for the rest of a s t o r m i n g g a m e . Super super defence

and

now we're

g o d d e s s goalie saved the day more

ward

than once.

a n d w e r e s o o n level. W a r r e n B r a yn

defence.

neat

through-ball

had a left-foot drive b l o c k e d by t h e

r e l e a s e d P i s t o l Pete w h o p l a c e d a

LSE g o a l k e e p e r , but w i n g e r R i c h a r d

shot over the keeper.

Pratt

was

equalise

well

positioned

f r o m the

might have

rebound.

to Pratt

put Imperial in front

shortly after, but 1-1

at h a l f - t i m e

W e t o o k t h e lead w h e n A n d y Ferguson's

free-kick

squirmed

universe - a n d it will h a p p e n . Be

Half time and

congratulations

w a s probably fair.

a f r a i d , be v e r y a f r a i d . I C W H C 2 - 0 Oxford

all r o u n d . W e l l , w e are shit hot after

ICHC I v St

were

favourites

for

this

H o w e v e r , w e had other

t h r o u g h t h e U C w a l l a n d w a s duly b u r i e d by S i .

Union.

s p a c e as w e g r a d u a l l y c o n q u e r the

g a v e Si s o m e s p a c e , H e s t r o d e forA

in the

W e l l t h e r e ' s a s u p r i s e . W a t c h this

w a s LSE's only s h o t o n target in t h e

retreating U C

pissed

have

sex

w h o l e g a m e . Imperial fought back

towards the

on top form and

tie.

ideas.

U . L . c u p s e m i final

m i n u t e s p l a y e d , S i d the Sexist ' y o u

Still h u n g o v e r f r o m friday night

can't

was

e x p l o i t s , w e set a b o u t far t o o early

chipped

a n d Alex M a r c o s s h o u l d have p u t

f o r c e d t o s e n d a n abusive o p p o s i -

o n S u n d a y m o r n i n g in our q u e s t for

d e f e n d e r s o n the line t o o p e n the

Imperial in front o n m o r e t h a n o n e

t i o n player off, i n c r e a s i n g our g r i p

absolute

scoring.

o c c a s s i o n . LSE s p o r a d i c a l l y threat-

o n the g a m e . W i t h U C L pressing

hockey.

been

short corner f r o m Chicken Bol, and

e n e d o n the c o u n t e r - a t t a c k , but d i d

for t h e e q u a l i s e r a s u p e r b

a c c u s e d by the rest of the c l u b of

a beautiful e x e c u t i o n of a break by

not m a n a g e t o c r e a t e a single s c o r -

s a w M a r t i n p u t t h e g a m e o u t of

being

ing opportunity. Psycho brought o n

their r e a c h w i t h a t y p i c a l p o a c h e r ' s

p r o v e that m e n shall be m e n .

Germund

goal.

Andy

The s e c o n d half s t a r t e d brightly

form

continued

his

right-back,

james

superb

break

domination Having

arrogant,

London

rightly it w a s

time

Sid

get

the

class the A

like that'

goaly

and

straight

Sexist

cannily all

their

bullet-strike

seemed

settle

things.

T h e w a r m u p w a s d o n e in the

The s e c o n d half s a w S p a g . B o l

W i t h p r o m o t i o n l o o k i n g a real-

c h a n g i n g r o o m as it w a s t o o c o l d

(no r e l a t i o n t o t h e captain) j u m p o n

BUSA

for us t o w a r m u p o u t s i d e , A r o u s -

their g o a l y , a l l o w i n g blue

ing t e a m talk by c a p t a i n in t h e B o l

p a n t s t o flick t h e ball into t h e t o p

again o n Saturday w h e n the Firsts

w e e k , t h e s e are e x c i t i n g t i m e s for

g o t e v e r y o n e f o c u s e d . St Barts h a d

c o r n e r : 4 - 0 . W e g a v e t h e m a g o a l at

will l o o k for m o r e creative i d e a s u p

ICAFC s e c o n d s .

w o n t h e B U S A merit g r o u p 1 a n d

the e n d . I C H C I 4 - 1 St Barts

front.

ICFC II 3 - 1 U C L III

Knutsen

Imperial

l o o k e d for a w i n n e r near t h e e n d , but a d r a w a l w a y s l o o k e d the m o r e

istic

likely

booster

outcome.

ICFC 1 1 - 1

The

sides

clash

goal

and

the

against

huge

Kingston

LSE I

ICHC II v UCL III

Truly Scrumptious / would like to apologise

Play

wasteland. and

After

groaning

much

in t h e

ICHC 1 2 - 2

t o o . half t i m e , 0 - 0.

I C H C II 2 - 0 U C L III

A f t e r an e n t h r a l l i n g t e a m

barren

moaning

middle

PVCed

scientists

penetration banner

ended

of reverse

inspired

substitutions

gear into s o m e

G o r a n , w h o d e c i d e d t o rectify

with

opposition's

his earlier m i s s , m a n a g e d t o shaft the

player

ball into the

U C L took

much

s m a l l a r m y of 1 3 v e n t u r e d d o w n t o

scrum

p r e s s e d for an e q u a l i s e r .

the " H u r l i n g h a m Park International

g a m e in m i s s i n g the fly-half, g i v i n g

Arena."

H o g g s y n o c h o i c e but t o 'hoist the

scares,

half's

awareness

the

chagrin

net.

Buffy. The next try c a m e f r o m the

Prince's g a r d e n s by s p e w t a n n o y , a

sem-

b l a n c e of f o r w a r d m o t i o n .

guest

the

by our star

some

talk

w e actually m a n a g e d t o m o v e o u t

was

found was

Hockey

t o get b a c k into the g a m e . In t h e s e c o n d half, c o n t i n u e a l

Results

utter p a n t s , t h o s e w i t h skid m a r k s

and

p r e s s u r e f r o m t h e lycra c l a d , v a s e d

their

c e n t r a t i o n e n a b l e d the " H a m m e r s " executives

R C S rugby

our

The rest of the half w a s t o t a l a n d

s t u p i d m i s t a k e s a n d lapses o f c o n -

arrived at t h e U n i o n at 1 2 all that

W h e n the

due

flick. G o r a n totally fluffed t h e s h o t,

- Jacob

w h o s c o r e d u n d e r the p o s t s . A f e w

Hammersmith

and

vigour, w e were a w a r d e d a penalty

for the woeful nature of this headline

RCSRFC v Fulham

started

from

this

and

After a c o u p l e of g o a l m o u t h which

were

calmly

dis-

UCLI

I C H C III 6 - 1 W y e I C W H C II 2 - 0 O x f o r d Football ICFC I 1 - I LSE I ICFC II 3 - 1 U C L III 1CFC III 3 - 0 W y e ICFC III 2 - 0 S O A S ICFC IV 3 - 2 U C L ICFC V 3 0 R H U L V ICFC VI 2 - 2 LSE VI ICFC VI 1 - 3 U C L VII

G a r y O w e n ' w h i c h he t h e n r e c o v -

p e n s e d by Bill, l . C . s t r o d e u p t h e

c r a s h i n g o v e r the line in true s c r u m

ered

who

p i t c h a n d Shaggy s t r o k e d t h e ball

Rugby

half style(?) after effective r u c k i n g .

d i v e d a n d s t r e c h e d t o put the ball

into t h e net, h a v i n g n o w lost his

C&G 1 7 - 0

RCS

The s e c o n d c a m e rapidly after o u r

d o w n for a " g o o d five p o i n t e r " (PJ).

big t h i n g . 2 - 0.

RCS 7 - 1 0

RSM

elusive N o . 8, n o t p r o p , p i c k e d u p

T h e y t h e n s c o r e d a try d u e t o our

a n d burst t h r o u g h a w a y f r o m t h e

lack of

s c r u m half, p o p p i n g t o N i p p l y w h o

m a t c h , for t h e breaks a n d w o b b l i n g

u s e d his a m a z i n g p a s s i n g c a p a b i l i -

of his belly w a s S p e w .

ties t o give it t o Jon " A l e x ? " B o u n d

RCSRFC 2 8 - 1 3

The

game

started

'Nipply'

and

popped

personnel.

Telfa

M a n of

the

H a m & Fulham.

N u f f s a i d . W e w o n . Roll o n I.C.

RSM 5 5 - 2 1

C&X,

2 n d s , P o r t s m o u t h here w e c o m e . I C H C II 2

0 U C L III

under-

Basketball I C B C II 77 - 15 R F H