/1998_1111_A by Ravi Pall

Interview with Robson Green

Electric Cafe Grand Give-away

Bumper Issue Next Wednesday

IC Tops the Charts ANDREW

OFORI

wide

range

o f factors

a n d allots

t h e m a relative w e i g h t . Imperial

College's

research

excellence

emphatically princely

consistent has

been

rewarded with

the

results'

announcement

last

w e e k , v i e w i n g t h e T H E S figures as

All universities have r e c e i v e d a n increase

the

o n last y e a r ' s a w a r d s in

c a s h t e r m s , but t h e high flyers have

s u m of ÂŁ 1 0 4 million in

extremely dubious.

According to

the finance d e p a r t m e n t ÂŁ 1 7 0 m i l lion is a m o r e a c c u r a t e e s t i m a t i o n of I C ' s r e s e a r c h

fund ing, but the

research f u n d i n g . This is t h e largest

increase o n last year is apparently

a m o u n t a l l o c a t e d t o a n y university

only slightly a b o v e

in t h e c o u n t r y , a c c o r d i n g t o t h e

o n e d e p a r t m e n t s o u r c e stating " w e

Times Higher Education Supplement. T h e figure is m a d e u p of money from the Higher Education Funding C o u n c i l for E n g l a n d , as w e l l as t h e c o l l e g e ' s g e n e r i c i n c o m e f r o m joint projects w i t h industry. T h e a m o u n t is a 5.1 % increase o n last year a n d places Imperial above Cambridge a n d Oxford, w h o were rewarded ÂŁ 9 0 a n d ÂŁ 8 4 million respectively. T h e 1 9 9 8 - 9 9 allocations are t h e result

of a

research

This

a s s e s s m e n t w a s also u s e d t o assign year's

funding

levels,

but

Imperial r e c e i v e d less as s o m e o f its grant w a s u s e d t o s u p p o r t t h o s e w h o p e r f o r m e d badly in t h e assessment.

This

time

Imperial has

r e t a i n e d its full a w a r d , leaving t h e H E F C E t o p a y t h e a i d bill.

The

a s s e s s m e n t p r o c e d u r e , w h i c h is still under

â&#x20AC;˘:

;

w h i c h " c a u s e s us s o m e

â&#x20AC;˘â&#x20AC;˘ .

development;

considers

concern".

It is felt that t h e c o l l e g e is in a

ÂŁ84m .

The amount

i n c l u d e s r e v e n u e f r o m tuition fees,

i!':-.i.Jj?C:.

with

d o n ' t think w e ' r e that m u c h better off t h a n last y e a r " .

slightly

than last year, as t h e f u n d i n g is the

vulnerable position

ÂŁ52m

s o u r c e o f a c a d e m i c staffs' salaries,

a n d difficulties w i t h t h e c o l l e c t i o n

/ Southampton 9.

ÂŁ44m

i 0. Sheffield

141 m

of s t u d e n t fees c o u l d strain college resources.

O n a n a t i o n a l scale

assessment

exercise c a r r i e d o u t in 1 9 9 6 . last

UNIVERSITY FUNDING 1998 99

inflation,

academic

staff are e x p o s e d in h a v i n g t o rely s o heavily o n s t u d e n t fees. David WSSM T r i e s m a n , G e n e r a l Secretary of t h e A s s o c i a t i o n o f U n i v e r s i ty Teachers, with w a s far f r o m c o n t e n t e d G o v e r n m e n t s p e n d i n g ; " T h e univerclearly p r o s p e r e d t o the d e t r i m e n t of t h e lesser universities, w i t h 2 4 of sities are h a n g i n g on- by their finger nails. W e r e c o g n i s e a serious effort the 135 higher e d u c a t i o n institutes g a i n i n g m o n e t a r y increases b e l o w is b e i n g m a d e t o inject stability, but it r e m a i n s a c o n s t a n t p r o b l e m while inflation. Imperial h a s a v o i d e d g e t t i n g all t h e b i g p o l i c y d e c i s i o n s for highcaught u p in the rapture c a u s e d by er e d u c a t i o n are o n i c e . " :

e Steal STA Deal

o n t o p of last year's Union

Bookstore by

its

loss of the and

recent

successor,

The U n i o n has f o u n d itself ÂŁ 4 2 , 0 0 0

attempts

per year w o r s e off this w e e k as a

W a t e r s t o n e ' s , t o take over t h e sta-

which

which one

' r t e

Issue 1111 13

March 1 998

has b e e n

senior

funding

for With

d e s c r i b e d by

source

generates

Union

clubs

and

services.

result of a m o v e f r o m C o l l e g e

present

e x c e s s o f ÂŁ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0 w o r t h of extra

arriving

"black-

2 7 0 n e w students on

campus

O c t o b e r , I C U have b e e n left

m a i l " . C o l l e g e has d e m a n d e d a

w i t h n o o p t i o n s but t o a c c e p t

70% share of the p r o c e e d s g e n -

the d e a l , l e a d i n g A n d y H e e p s ,

erated f r o m t h e s p a c e rented t o

ICU

S T A Travel, w h i c h

this as " t h e w o r s t w e e k o f m y

present

g o e s directly into U n i o n

fund-

President,

describe

P r e s i d e n c y . " In a letter t o the

ing. If t h e U n i o n d o not a c c e p t I

Rector d a t e d

this d e a l t h e n t h e Rector, Sir I

H e e p s laid o u t t h e t e r m s o n

R o n a l d O x b u r g h , has stated that I

w h i c h t h e U n i o n a c c e p t s the

the p l a n n e d j C R d e v e l o p m e n t 111

d e a l ; "That t h e U n i o n is rede-

will not g o a h e a d .

The e d i c t f r o m Sir Ron c o m e s

veloped

Photo:

Mark

shortly after C o l l e g e a t t e m p t e d t o force t h e U n i o n t o p a y ÂŁ 1 0 0 , 0 0 0

Smith

10 M a r c h , M r

over

the

summer

v a c a t i o n . . . that t h e U n i o n is not

financially

disadvan-

tionary a n d c a r d trade o n c a m p u s ,

t a g e d . . . that t h e C o l l e g e affirms its commitment

for t h e desperately n e e d e d r e n o v a -

senior figures v i e w this as t h e next

t i o n , a n d thus s o m e see t h e m o v e

step in the Rector's m a s t e r - p l a n t o

as b e i n g purely c a s h - d r i v e n . C o m i n g

r e m o v e I C U ' s entire t r a d i n g a r m

continues

seeing

on page

Union

three

NEWS

Football

b Fracas

News in Brief.

(Take Four)

13 M a r c h

(Students

S WASTE R

H o w e v e r , a football s p o k e s m a n s u g g e s t e d that t h e d a m a g e c a u s e d

Affairs) t o t h e

current

t e a m . T h e y will be r e s p o n s i b l e for the welfare and a c a d e m i c

affairs

of s t u d e n t s , currently u n d e r t a k e n

The I C U F o o t b a l l t e a m has l a n d e d

by the party s h o u l d not be

over-

itself in c o n t r o v e r s y

stated;

expensive

items

two

T he s a m e m o t i o n a l s o r e c o m -

from

hotel.

intruders w e r e i n v o l v e d in a fist-

m e n d e d that t h e p r e s i d e n t of IC

once

again.

The latest i n c i d e n t t o o k p l a c e

were

" A few borrowed

the

by t h e P r e s i d e n t . computing

student

and

the K e n s i n g t o n Park H o t e l d u r i n g

T h e y will be r e t u r n e d . . . O t h e r w i s e

fight in the

the t e a m ' s A n n u a l D i n n e r , o n l y t w o

it w a s n o different f r o m a n y other

w e e k as t h e

days

ICU sports bash". H e went on to

steal

a d d " K i d s ex. b e e r - they just d o n ' t

Although

mix".

c o m p u t e r w a s b r o k e n in the scuf-

after

found

the

Union

disciplinary

fourth t e a m

guilty

bringing t h e U n i o n into d i s r e p u t e , after a m a t c h at B a t h r e s u l t e d in a string of c o m p l a i n t s

from

Bath's

Student U n i o n . Having

b o o k e d the H o t e l w i t h

C o m i n g o n t o p of o t h e r I C U

the

i n c l u d i n g t h e i n c i d e n t at B a t h a n d

Weir,

destruction

caused

the

stressed should

prior c o n s e n t

N o v e m b e r , w h i c h l e d t o all IC s t u -

selves

dents

team

then

themselves

proceeded

Consequently, themselves damages

enjoy

in their u s u a l f a s h i o n . the

faced

Union with

totalling

found bill

ÂŁ1034

computer.

nobody was

hurt,

unhindered.

Chief

last

Hammersmith

Union - the

crawl

lap-top

building

ÂŁ 5 0 0 cash - and thus without the of the

pub

last

men attempted

the

fle a n d t h e t h i e v e s e s c a p e d f r o m

f o o t b a l l r e l a t e d i n c i d e n t s this year, the

Huxley building

Security

that any

account put

risk in this

Union

Medicine

has

sabbatical

Students' status

for

t w o further y e a r s b e f o r e falling in line w i t h t h e o t h e r C C U s .

STUFF

Officer,

students

Ken

School

them

way,

but

Residents from Brabazon House, one

Charing

Cross'

halls,

returned h o m e

last Friday afterthe

s h o u l d call security, o n 4 4 4 4 for

noon

p u b s , this is b e i n g s e e n as t h e last

immediate action o n any

recorder and Nintendo 64 games

straw

g e n c y or security alert.

being barred by

senior

for

Severe

anticipated.

from

Union

disciplinary

several figures.

action

emer-

find

new

video

s y s t e m a b s e n t . A f t e r a f e w hours

of g e n e r a l e n q u i r i e s it w a s

con-

c l u d e d that t h e y h a d b e e n s t o l e n .

M o n d a y m o r n i n g . T he bill i n c l u d e s

Prelim inary investigations failed t o

" a n entire silver cutlery set a n d a

reveal their w h e r e a b o u t s a n d the

painting, down with

which

had

been

torn

and urinated over". the

bill

Andy

Faced

Heeps,

ICU

President, has d e c l a r e d that he will force the f o o t b a l l club t o f o o t t h e bill or face d i s b a n d i n g .

Please Note There will be N O Felix next Friday (20 March). Watch out for a special bumper Easter edition on Wednesday 25 March.

A n e w s a b b a t i c a l p o s i t i o n will be

police were called in.

c r e a t e d for 1CU in 1 9 9 9 - 2 0 0 0 , if a motion passed

at last

T he s c e n e of the c r i m e

was

week's

s e a l e d off w h i l e p o l i c e investiga-

U n i o n C o u n c i l is a p p r o v e d by c o l -

t i o n s w e r e c a r r i e d o u t . There w a s

lege. The p o s i t i o n , t o be c o n t e s t -

n o s i g n of a f o r c e d entry t o the

e d in t h e e l e c t i o n s next February

building.

will

add

Deputy

President

Mines Rock Teaching Awards TONY

OFORI

graduates, facilities

The

departments

Earth

Resources

the

Centre

for

Composite

with Oxford and Cambridge man-

full m a r k s

aging

in a

ing 2 1 . were

The a s s e s s m e n t w a s Higher

only

and

old

rivals

C a m b o r n e S c h o o l of M i n e s scrap-

c a r r i e d o u t at t h e b e g i n n i n g of this

the

library

staff-student

a c h i e v e d full m a r k s in this subject

month. by

good

and

joint T e a c h i n g Q u a l i t y A s s e s s m e n t

unparalleled

r e l a t i o n s . N o o t h e r i n s t i t u t i o n has

Materials,

Engineering

Materials scored

and

Other departments also

Chemical

conduct-

assessed,

in IC

including

Engineering

and

A e r o n a u t i c s , but f a i l e d t o s c o r e full

Education

F u n d i n g C o u n c i l for E n g l a n d a n d is

m a r k s . Prof M c L e a n , h e a d of the

part of a n a t i o n a l i n v e s t i g a t i o n i n t o

Materials department

t h e q u a l i t y of u n i v e r s i t y e d u c a t i o n .

this m a r k w o u l d g o a l o n g w a y t o

During the w e e k l o n g a s s e s s m e n t a

giving the d e p a r t m e n t "recognition

team

analysed

inspectors various

departments,

the

The proud teaching staff of Mines. Photo:

Mark

Smith

c l a s s i f i e d as m a t e r i -

als t e c h n o l o g y ,

riculum design to student s u p p o r t . teaching, learning a n d self-assessm e n t w a s e x p l o r e d in d e t a i l t o d i s cover exactly h o w g o o d the e d u c a tional p a c k a g e is. It is i m p o r t a n t t o n o t e that t h e p r i m a r y o b j e c t i v e

In t h e m e e t i n g w h e r e t h e tesult was

ranging f r o m cur-

M o r e importantly the standard of

that

for its h i g h s t a n d a r d s " .

rigorously

aspects

hoped

announced,

Professor

T e r e z o p o u l o s f r o m ERE r e m i n d e d the a s s e s s m e n t was to ascertain w h e t h e t d e p a r t m e n t s are m e e t i n g their a t t a i n m e n t t a r g e t s . H o w e v e r , this is n o t t o say that t h o s e w h i c h a i m l o w get g o o d s c o r e s as t h e m a r k a l s o reflects h o w the h i g h targ e t s are.

The Dean of the RSM, Professor Rees Rawlings, revealed in a m e e t i n g w i t h s t u d e n t s that t h e y h a d s c o r e d 2 4 p o i n t s o u t of a p o s s i b l e 2 4 . T he a s s e s s o r s h i g h lighted the excellent links with industry, t h e h i g h s t a n d a r d of the

t h e g a t h e r i n g that " N o b o d y is perf e c t " , t o w h i c h t h e D e a n r e p l i e d , "I think w e ' r e a p p r o a c h i n g i t . "

NEWS

13 March 1 8

A Put it to ANDREW

OFORI

a l l o w s m e d i c s t o represent their

The d u s t has cerning

finally s e t t l e d

Imperial's

British

place

con-

Universities

the

Sports

parent

college

institute

either

medical

exclusive

basis.

O t h e r s t u d e n t s of t h e university will o n l y be a l l o w e d t o r e p r e s e n t

their

A s s o c i a t i o n . It a p p e a r s that IC will

o w n institute. T he s y s t e m has s u c -

be p e r m i t t e d t o take part in c o m -

ceeded

petitions as a ' h y b r i d ' entry.

London

T he

subject has p r o v e d t o be o n e th i s

year's

most

contentious

in p l a c a t i n g several universities

respective should

medical

ease

the

other

and

their

schools,

and

transition

from

issues, c a u s i n g n u m e r o u s d e b a t e s

affiliate t o m e r g e d s u b s i d i a r y .

within

has b e e n a g r e e d that the

I C U as w e l l as

the

wider

London student community.

will be u s e d until 2 0 0 1 ,

The issue a r o s e b e c a u s e of t h e m e d i c a l s c h o o l s ' m e r g e r w i t h their

the

system

w h e n all

universities i n v o l v e d will

single entries.

use

There is a possibility

throughout

that t h e B U S A e x e c u t i v e will refuse

L o n d o n . A t IC t h e d e b a t e c e n t r e d

t o give the final a p p r o v a l at their

around South Kensington's wish to

next m e e t i n g o n 15 June, but the

parent

institutes

join w i t h the m e d i c s a n d enter as a

c h a n c e s of this are b e i n g d i s m i s s e d

single a p p l i c a n t , w h i l e IC S c h o o l of

as " n e g l i g i b l e " by I C U .

M e d i c i n e Students' Union insisted

C h a r l i e Joynt, D e p u t y P r e s i d e n t

o n h a v i n g t w o i n d e p e n d e n t entries.

(Clubs c v S o c i e t i e s ) , is relieved that

Last Friday in B i r m i n g h a m t h e

t h e issue is at a n e n d ; "It g o t off t o

BUSA

executive

convened

and,

a s h a k y start - IC c o u n c i l d i d n ' t

rest

take t h e right attitud e t o start off

w i t h a d e c i s i o n t o a l l o w universities

w i t h , h o w e v e r w e w e n t back t o the

in the L o n d o n D i v i s i o n t o

compete

drawing

entrants.

better p l a n a n d c o n v i n c e d L o n d o n

a p p a r e n tl y , laid t h e

BUSA

issue t o

'hybrid'

H y b r i d entry is an I C U i d e a , a n d

board, came

up with

of t h e p l a n ' s w o r t h i n e s s " .

Anjit Chaudhuri forced to run down the walkway wearing only women's lingerie, after being purchased at the successful RAG / C & G Slave Auction on Tuesday. Full story next issue. Photo:

continues

from front

page

spend In

his

letter, out

Memorandum the

M r Heeps

that

also

under

by w h i c h

ÂŁ300,000

o n the

essential

r e d e v e l o p m e n t of the g r o u n d floor the

of U n d e r s t a n d i n g -

agreement

College

of the

Union

Building during

the

s u m m e r , this puts ICU in a precarious

p o s i t i o n . It has

also b e e n

tion of Brian R o s c o e , the 1CU S h o p

existence - the areas d e s i g n a t e d for

Manager

the U n i o n include "the s p a c e cur-

rently

occupied

216C

and

the

Travel s h o p ]

the

long-term

strategy

Travel

b e h i n d the m o v e w h i c h has c a u s e d

Room

the greatest c o n c e r n . Fears that the

Sherfield

[the site o f the present S T A

Academic

accor-

College's

goal

is t o

remove

the

U n i o n ' s right t o trade, a n d replace

d ance with the t e r m s of the lease

the

agreement a p p r o v e d by C o l l e g e o n

increased

9 N o v e m b e r 1 9 9 3 " . A l t h o u g h this

sound

income

with

generated

central

funding

harmless,

but

s u m s - u p the feelings of m a n y in the U n i o n in his letter, saying " s u c h a

H o w e v e r , m o s t senior figures q u e s -

m o v e w o u l d breed a

t i o n e d believe that the Rector c o u l d

culture, w h i c h w o u l d lead t o

have it o v e r t u r n e d a l m o s t at will. M r

d o w n f a l l of the U n i o n ' s identity a n d

dependency

Union

p r i d e . . . It is therefore essential that the U n i o n receives a guarantee that

the r o o m d e v e l o p e d s o that it c o u l d

the U n i o n S h o p , N e w s a g e n t s

be u s e d by S T A " c o n v e r t i n g it f r o m a

refectories c o n t i n u e t o exist as ser-

catering s t o r e r o o m

vices run by students for s t u d e n t s . . .

retail the

space". On

that

threats

which

out-

and

http://www.su.ic.ac.ukySummerBall/ summer.ball@ic.ac.uk

currently

e m a n a t e f r o m the College c a n the financial side the

45 pounds - Students 50 pounds - Staff

the

paid ÂŁ 2 5 , 0 0 0 four years a g o t o have

into the

TICKETS A R E N O W A V A I L A B L E F R O M THE UNION OFFICE

may

d o c u m e n t is currently b e i n g rewrit-

outlet that currently o c c u p i e s

Summer Ball

Heeps

ten, the present v e r s i o n is still v a l i d .

H e e p s also notes that the

Imperial College

major factor in the recent resigna-

d e t e r m i n e s the basis of the U n i o n ' s

Agencies...

Kempton

that the U n i o n Executive agreed t o

facilities remain a n d e x p a n d . . . " pointed

Matt

q u a s h e d " . In the e n d , h o w e v e r , the

c o m e c o m e s as another b l o w , c o m -

chain of events m e a n s that the JCR

p o u n d i n g the loss of i n c o m e f r o m

development should n o w go ahead

the B o o k s t o r e, for w h i c h an a p p r o -

in t i m e for the arrival of the m e d i c a l

priate level of c o m p e n s a t i o n has still

students

not been agreed, a year after the

cost

closute. C o m i n g in the s a m e w e e k

entirety by C o l l e g e .

in the A u t u m n , a n d

must

now

borne

the its

EDS

Sjgf

s to H

You

complain of aware,

Dear Felix

ICU

'removing

funds

are

only

returned to ICU at the end of the

THA

Dear Felix,

Since b e c o m i n g A c t i n g H o n a r a r y

year, as with all clubs. The Union

Junior Treasurer of City a n d G u i l d s

operates a budget system, where-

College

several

by you submit an application for

black m u s i c

things have c o m e t o m y a t t e n t i o n ,

cash before the year starts, stat-

etc).

m o s t of w h i c h are related t o

ing how

there aren't m a n y nights d e d i c a t e d

Union

recently,

the

"fund with n o n a m e . "

much money you want

and what it is to

be spent

on.

I a m an Indian a n d like m a n y of my

brown/black friends, I'm

into

t o o u r k i n d of m u s i c s o w e e n d u p h a v i n g t o g o t o c l u b s t o enjoy it.

the C C U s are failing t o p r o v i d e the

you will receive. If you don't need

This e n d s u p c o s t i n g q u i t e a bit, especially

service e x p e c t e d of t h e m , is n o t just

all of the

d u e t o p o o r u n i o n officers, but a l s o

returned to ICU at the end of the

much!

d u e t o a lack of f u n d i n g f r o m I C U .

year. More money may be claimed

W e l c o m e night last t e r m a n d 1 have

since

went

out

the

so OSC

In the last f e w years C & . G U has

from the Union's Finance Council,

t o say, it w a s really shit.

lost several t h o u s a n d p o u n d s of self

who are quite happy to fund justi-

w e s a w the advert for T h a B o m b in

g e n e r a t e d i n c o m e a n d five year plan

fied applications.

So w h e n

Union money may be spent on

This is only significant w h e n I

social events, but cannot be used

c h e c k it o u t a n y w a y .

explain w h a t t h e s e f u n d s c o u l d have

to buy food or alcohol. This is not

s o m e friends d o w n f r o m R e a d i n g

been u s e d for.

because the Union is mean, but

University.

ty c r a p

but

decided to

and

I even called

the

because it is illegal. Only money

I have t o a d m i t that the night

only m o n e y that c a n be u s e d for

that is earned by the club itself

w a s b l o o d y brilliant, e s p e c i a l l y as it

social activities u n d e r I C U Finance

(self-generated

o n l y c o s t ÂŁ1 t o get i n . The m u s i c

income)

used.

rules. This m e a n s that several t h o u -

However, you should realise that

w a s great, t h e drinks w e r e

s a n d p o u n d s that c o u l d have b e e n

SGI is still union money and

there

u s e d t o run bar nights a n d s u b s i d i s e

such is subject to the usual

as tot-

were

even

great

great,

cocktails

(which w e don't e v e n get at

the

C & C dinners, etc. has b e e n take n by

ting-up at the end of the year. If

clubs), the U D H w a s p a c k e d ! I w a s

ICU f r o m C & G U a n d p l a c e d in t h e

your SGI forms a large part

very i m p r e s s e d , the t w o fire a l a r m s

"fund with no n a m e . "

your total income, there may be a

Five year

plan

money

FELIX

Felix, w e t h o u g h t it w o u l d be pret-

m o n e y t o the "fund w i t h n o n a m e . "

income

gHlf

(soul, s w i n g , hip h o p

Subject to approval, this is what money, it is naturally

The p r o b l e m w i t h IC is that

It a p p e a r s that the r e a s o n w h y

Self g e n e r a t e d

Felix.

funds' from the C&.GU. As far as I am

13 March

LETTERS

d i d piss m e off t h o u g h .

Issue 1111 13 March

w w w . s u . i c ac uk Felix Felix, Beit Q u a d , Prince C o n s o r t Road. London, SW7 2BB. Internal tel: 5 8 0 7 2 . lax: 4 8 0 7 2 external tei e rax. o M ou U r g e n t o u t - o f - h o u r s internal; 4 8 0 8 6 , external: 0171

the

case to set up a reserve account

W h y has it t a k e n y o u s o l o n g t o w o r k o u t that y o u C A N m a k e Friday

1998

594 8086.

F.maii: f c l i x @ i c . a c . u k

used

to keep hold of it, but this is gen-

t o refurbish the C & . G U office a n d

erally only applicable if it actual-

nights at t h e U n i o n enjoyable

buy n e w c o m p u t e r s for use by the

ly exceeds the Union grant.

p e o p l e like m e a n d m y f r i e n d s . I

of i m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n

t o l d m y friends f r o m R e a d i n g that

Publication Board.

m o n e y that c o u l d have b e e n

C & G U clubs / societies. This is just the

You concerns over regalia are

start o f w h a t

also unfounded. While ICU

are

for

this sort of t h i n g h a p p e n e d all the

appears t o be a t r e n d of m o v i n g the

planning to sell the ties, scarves

t i m e , a n d I think it s h o u l d .

m o n e y f r o m the C C U s t o I C U .

etc from the shop, they are doing

w o u l d be out of this w o r l d w o u l d

so with the

co-operation of

the

be if y o u c o u l d use t h e w h o l e of

C C U s , who

were unable to

sell

If this

trend

continues

s e e m s sure t o d o , then the

CCUs

will c e a s e t o o p e r a t e altogether. I hear r u m o u r s n o w that I C U

them

effectively.

Furthermore,

What

t h e building, i n c l u d i n g d B s ,

every

Tell o t h e r L o n d o n U n i s

so often.

they were not making any money

a b o u t the m u s i c , the c o c k t a i l s e t c .

wants t o m o v e the sale of regalia

I a m s o sure y o u c a n m a k e this into

f r o m C & G U t o the ICU s h o p , r e d u c -

doing t h e m a financial favour.

ing the i n c o m e of C & G U again. This is a direct parallel w i t h the w a y ICU lost its b o o k s h o p last year.

the

sales, do

ICU

really

s o m e t h i n g really big, s o p l e a s e c a n

If C & G U are not able to fund projects they require, it

the

you

try t o

make

this

regular

o c c u r a n c e a n d give us s o m e t h i n g

almost certainly due to bad bud-

a b o u t our U n i o n that w e c a n b o a s t

If the funding crisis of the C C U s is

geting

and

financial

about: Tha a t o m B o m b !

not e n d e d s o o n , then it looks m o r e

tence,

and

certainly

and m o r e likely that the C C U s will

union conspiracy. 1 hope you will

have to unite a n d fight against I C U . If the C C U s act together, have

the

majority

vote

look

into

these

incompenot

matters

some more

they

carefully before making a fuss at

ICU

ICU Council. C & G U have enough

Council a n d c a n overthrow any m o r e

problems at the

stupid plans that the a n t i - C C U m e g a -

out one of their exec making a tit

lomaniacs o n council m a y have.

of himself at Council.

moment, withEd

for the student p o p u l a t i o n again. Please visit the C & G U office o n level 3 of M e c h Eng o c c a s i o n a l l y .

Dear Felix I think y o u g o a t a n d B o l l o c k s , m u s i c b a d Bugger off B a s t a r d s

Yours c a m p a i n i n g l y

lots of love

John Q u a n t r e l l

RocSoc

j.quantrell@ic.ac.uk

Photo-

graphic copyrights remain with photographers. P r i n t e d at the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n Print U n i t , Beit Q u a d , Prince Consort Road, London, " 1. Email: printunit@ic.ac.uk.

M a r k Baker

HOME

N e w s E d i t o r : Ed S e x t o n . P h o t o g r a p h i c E d i t o r : Ivan C h a n

Dear Y.L.

Features E d i t o r : Jon Trout

ter t o Felix [1 109, 2 7 February]. 1

ERR... WHAT

C o p y r i g h t ÂŠ Felix 1998.

Editor w i t h o u t P o r t f o l i o :

job to try t o rebuild C & G U , but if ICU C & G U work

ISSN 1 0 4 0 - 071 I

Editor: J e r e m y T h o m s o n

H O M E SWEET

I w a s really t o u c h e d by y o u r let-

they c a n start m a k i n g

Felix is a r e g i s t e r e d n e w s p a p e r

D a r s h a n A r u n EE1

The n e w e x e c will have a t o u g h will help t h e m , especially financially,

Felix is p r o d u c e d for a n d o n behalf

M u s i c Editors: Jason R a m a n a t h a n a n d A l o k Jha

d o n ' t really u n d e r s t a n d any refer-

Film Editor: C h r i s H i c k e y

e n c e s to d o g s in the a c c o m m o d a -

A r t s E d i t o r s : D a n u t a Pieter &.

tion office.

(But t h e n

1 intent

leave m y n a m e o n this letter.) You

made

realise

Juila H a r r i e s Literary E d i t o r : W i l l i a m L o r e n z

was

S p o r t s E d i t o r : Jake T h o m e

a b o u t t i m e I g o t off m y b u m a n d

G a m e s E d i t o r : M a r k Baker

i n t r o d u c e d myself, so here I a m .

Right H a n d M a n : D a v i d Roberts

M y n a m e is T a s h a N e w t o n , a n d I'm

Delivery Last W e e k : Ed S e x t o n

the I C U a c c o m m o d a t i o n officer. In short I represent y o u a n d a n o t h e r

13 March 1 "" 8

LETTERS

9 , 4 9 9 ( i s h ) IC s t u d e n t s in all m a t t e r s

There is n o t h i n g w r o n g w i t h not lik-

the S u m m e r w h e n flights of 5 h o u r s

t o d o w i t h w h e r e t h e y live.

ing f o o t b a l l , e a c h t o their o w n , but

or m o r e are p o s s i b l e , y o u c a n take

Naturally, I feel awful that y o u

w h a t is irritating is the M a n U t d c u l -

a winch launch and s p e n d the day

q u e s t i o n s a b o u t I C G C or

felt there w a s n o w h e r e for y o u t o g o

ture of p s e u d o - f a n s w h o are only

racing around the countryside using

g l i d i n g in g e n e r a l , t h e n E-

when

interested

nature's energy, for less t h a n £ 2 0 .

m a i l m e o n Error! B o o k m a r k not

you

had

hassle

with

because

football

is in

Championships. If

anyone

has

any

C l a y p o n d s . H a s 1 been in the office,

f a s h i o n a n d have tried t o share in

y o u c o u l d have c o m e t o m e , a n d if

the c l u b ' s s u c c e s s by just b u y i n g a

March-October

y o u ' r e w o r r i e d about next t i m e , get

shirt or u s i n g a M a n U t d p r o d u c t . In

d o e s take a w h i l e ( 4 0 - 6 0 flights is

meetings

in t o u c h . A n y o n e w h o n e e d s t o , c a n

the p r o c e s s a l m o s t all other league

average) to g o s o l o , learning is part

Aeronautics R o o m 254 where peo-

The best gliding w e a t h e r is f r o m and,

although

d e f i n e d , a n d I will be g l a d t o h e l p . Alternatively,

have

(Thursdays

weekly 1-2)

p h o n e or e m a i l m e , or d r o p in a note

clubs are d a m a g e d , especially s e c -

of the f u n .

t o m y ICU resources p i g e o n h o l e.

o n d a n d third division o n e s , as the

c h e a p e s t a n d m o s t enjoyable w a y s

g l i d i n g a n d find o u t m o r e .

gulf in m o n e y a n d interest b e t w e e n

of learning t o fly, e v e n at n o n - u n i -

m a i n a i m s are t o g i v e e v e r y o n e the

the t o p a n d b o t t o m in

versity clubs w h e r e

Tasha 0 9 5 8 707

415

n.newton@ic.ac.uk

MONTE

O OR

T There c a n be n o o n e w h o l o v e s

flying similar

c h a n c e t o find o u t w h a t g l i d i n g is like a n d t o h e l p p e o p l e t o p r o g r e s s

t h e p o i n t w h e r e clubs f o l d . This will

much.

courses a n d tours during the holi-

will a l l o w .

days,

members

ments and suggestions about how

t w i c e as full for the return l e g than it

c a n train t o b e c o m e instructors, a n d

w e can make gliding more accessi-

would

English or

take part in c r o s s - c o u n t r y c o m p e t i -

ble t o s t u d e n t s ,

S c o t t i s h t e a m r e p r e s e n t e d the U K in

tions (where pilots race e a c h other

i n t e r e s t e d t o hear t h e m

illustrated

Wednesday

w h e n any bar or b i g s c r e e n will be be

if any other

I'm afraid that this

now

represents t h e u n a c c e p t a b l e face of

run

subsidised

experienced

T h a n k s for y o u r t i m e e v e r y o n e ,

w h o just w a n t t o "get a w a y f r o m it

Wednesday's Champions

second league

leg

persistent

sycophants offenders.

G l i d i n g is a satisfying, fun a n d people

PS.

A n y o n e w h o w o u l d like t o try

g l i d i n g , but d o e s n ' t w a n t t o " g a m -

the

m u s t be best for all w h o g e n u i n e l y

all" at t h e w e e k e n d a n d p e o p l e w h o

ble" their m e m b e r s h i p fee

finals

care a b o u t t h e British national g a m e

w a n t t o c o m b i n e exhilarating flying

t h e y find o u t if t h e y like it, c a n b o o k

quarter

most

I w o u l d be very

Andy Holmes, ICGC.

and

If y o u have any c o m -

on tasks of a r o u n d 1 0 0 - 5 0 0 k m ) a n d

diverse sport, suiting both

United

as fast as their m o n e y a n d free t i m e

aerobatics c o m p e t i t i o n s .

football

Manchester

the

and

also

a t t a c h e d t o M a n U t d are the w o r s t

against

and

Monaco

Our

gliders c o s t s a r o u n d three t i m e s as

their c o u n t r y m o r e , h o w e v e r 1 will backing

ple c a n join t h e c l u b , arrange t o g o

p u l l e d further a n d further apart t o

Europe.

Dear Felix

football is

G l i d i n g is o n e of the

before

w o u l d advise anyone reading

t o see M o n a c o leave the Theatre of

with

challenge.

a n o n - m e m b e r ' s i n t r o d u c t o r y flight

t o d o the s a m e . Y o u d o n ' t h a v e t o

D r e a m s v i c t o r i o u s a n d put a brake

I C G C has the g l i d e r s , facilities a n d

for £ 1 8 . W e will r e d u c e y o u r m e m -

have h e l d a s e a s o n ticket, t r a v e l l e d

o n this r u n a w a y d e l i r i u m .

and

from

b e r s h i p fee by £ 9 (to £ 2 0 ) if y o u

their first flight up t o s o l o s t a n d a r d

join the c l u b o n the d a y of y o u r

play a m e a n i n g l e s s h o m e g a m e , or

and

i n t r o d u c t o r y flight.

turned

this is e x - s t u d e n t

Richy ' D i g g e r ' B r o w n

h u n d r e d s of m i l e s t o s e e D o n c a s t e r out

freezing,

wet

January e v e n i n g t o s e e L u t o n in t h e Autowindscreen

Shield to

under-

s t a n d w h a t lies at t h e heart o f a n apparently No,

one

unpatriotic

o n l y has

instructors

intellectual

about

football a n d be c o n c e r n e d

behalf

College Gliding Club,

writing,

the

t h a n k e v e r y o n e w h o c a m e t o visit

s t r e n g t h e n i n g h a n d of c o m m e r c i a l -

us o n T h u r s d a y 5 t h w h e n w e h a d a

ism

g l i d e r p a r k e d o n the Q u e e n ' s L a w n .

and

Imperial

merchandising

the

aspects of

the

For t h o s e p e o p l e w h o d i d n ' t k n o w

m o d e r n g a m e w h i c h are i n c r e a s i n g

a b o u t this, our r e a s o n for d o i n g s o

T h e s e are

game.

c o n t r o l l e d by a v a i n , s o u l l e s s b a n d

(apart f r o m it b e i n g t h e c l u b ' s 6 8 t h

of p e o p l e w h o buy t h e g e a r n o w

anniversary) w a s t o advertise our

that f o o t b a l l is f a s h i o n a b l e but d o

offer of an i n t r o d u c t o r y flight for

not

actually

match.

You

ever

turn

only

have

h a l f - p r i c e (i.e. £ 9 i n s t e a d of £ 1 8 ) t o

visit

a n y o n e w h o joins the g l i d i n g club

a l m o s t any t o w n or city in Britain t o be

appalled

that

A n i n t r o d u c t o r y flight

consists

of a b r i e f i n g by a q u a l i f i e d instruc-

other

tor, f o l l o w e d by a

This is t h e

modern

10-20

flight ( d e p e n d a n t o n w e a t h e r c o n -

tion of football w h i c h has m a n i f e s t -

ditions)

g l i d e r . M e m b e r s h i p of I C G C a l l o w s

itself largely u p o n M a n c h e s t e r

U n i t e d , p r e s e n t l y by far t h e

most

you

two-seat

t o c o n t i n u e learning t o fly in

our glid ers at o n l y 12p/minute (free

not be t a k e n w r o n g l y by g e n u i n e

after 2 h o u r s ) , a n d a l s o m a k e s y o u

fans w h o will realise

along

member

Lasham

Gliding

w i t h fans of the g a m e that t h e cur-

S o c i e t y (the biggest g l i d i n g club in

rent

t h e country) w h e r e w e are

manager

and team

are

the

member

based.

best p a c k a g e the English g a m e has

Lasham

s e e n for years a n d t h e vast m a j o r i -

facilities in t h e

ty of t h o s e w h o p a c k O l d T r a f f o r d

l a u n c h fees are s u b s i d i s e d by the

are as g e n u i n e as t h o s e w h o rattle

U n i o n g i v i n g us a 4 0 %

a r o u n d in Belle V u e or S p o t l a n d .

This m e a n s that o n a g o o d d a y in

has

the

best

launching

country, and

our

discount.

Deadline for letters is 6 p m Tuesday. Letters may be edited for length, but will not be altered or corrected in any other way. Letters may be signed or anonymous, but please show your swipe card when submitting t h e m .

Afandi

PPS.

T h e first 5 p e o p l e t o E - m a i l

m e c a n have a n i n t r o d u c t o r y flight

I C G C a n d , at the e n d of his 4 y e a r

and I C G C m e m b e r s h i p for £ 2 5 .

the

British

came

2 n d in Gliding

Junior

HAIR NEWS H A M NEWS HAIR NEWS

HAIR CUT £8.00 UNISE UNISE UNISE UNISE

UNISE

CONSULTATION

w i t h s t y l i s t t o d i s c u s s y o u r s t y l e # try

a n e w l o o k a n d l e a r n h o w to m a n a g e a n d c o n t r o l y o u r h a i r .

training

s u c c e s s f u l t e a m a r o u n d . This m u s t Reds

The best e x a m p l e of

minute

s o c i a l p r o b l e m of t h e p o p u l a r i s a -

in our

people

Darlington w h o started gliding with

this a c a d e m i c y e a r .

Manchester

U n i t e d r e p l i c a kits o u t n u m b e r a n y team.

beyond.

train

Aeronautics degree,

Dear Felix,

decision.

to care

A-

SHAMPOO

followed by Herbal

$ % &' () (% &* r

and scalp

massage.

PRECISION HAIR CUT

by fully q u a l i f i e d h a i r stylist +

e x p e r i e n c e d in m o d e r n h a i r d r e s s i n g .

- U S E OF HAIRDRIER

with c o m p l e m e n t a r y gel or

m o u s s e to f i n i s h y o u r s t y l e .

OPEN

9-00AM - 6.00PM

Last Appointment for Hair Cut 6.00pm Phone tor information oil other special offers, e.g. Perms. Highlights, Tints.

TREVOR ROY SALON 52 K e n s i n g t o n C h u r c h S t r e e t , W 8

TEL: 0171 937

6413

3 m i n u t e s f r o m H i g h St. K e n s i n g t o n & N o t t i n g H i l l G a t e

NOTICES 8. EDITORIAL

-, 8

13 M a r c h

Editorial It's

U A promotional video for ICU is

Election time!

O n c e upon a time, there was o l d ,

retain any profits r e c e i v e d f r o m its

Publications board posts for

old

although

t r a d i n g a c t i v i t i e s or rental c h a r g e d

next y e a r are

nobody knows why, the Memorandum of Understanding. Archaeologists, after years of s t u d y i n g the bizarre a n d b e w i l d e r ingly c o m p l e x language, have c o m e t o the c o n c l u s i o n t h a t is w a s a n a g r e e m e n t b e t w e e n w h a t is n o w c a l l e d the Great Impetial W o r l d Legacy and something called " I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e U n i o n " . Says the d o c u m e n t : "The C o l l e g e will c o n tinue t o i n v o l v e its s t u d e n t s " , w h a t ever they are, "through the Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n , in d i s c u s s i o n o n all p o l i c y a n d a d m i n i s t r a tive m a t t e r s c o n c e r n i n g s t u d e n t s ' s o c i a l , c ultural, w e l f a r e , s p o r t i n g , academic a n d other appropriate i n t e r e s t s . " ( i t w a s w r i t t e n in t h e d a y s w h e n s p o r t a n d cultural activities w e r e still p e r m i t t e d by the Legacy). Stranger still, it a p p e a r s t o to ICU: actually offer concessions " A n y c h a n g e s t o this d o c u m e n t . . . shall be as a result of full c o n s u l t a t i o n w i t h I C U a n d as finally d e t e r m i n e d by t h e G o v e r n i n g B o d y [Power and Fortune to the L e g a c y ] . " W h a t c a n it p o s s i b l y m e a n ? Let us l o o k i n s i d e . . .

t o its f r a n c h i s e s t o f u n d legitimate

currently in the planning stage.

up for election.

They

are:

If you think that your club, soci-

Chair, T r e a s u r e r , S e c r e t a r y .

ety or event should be included

Phoenix Editor, Alternative

then contact M a r k Baker in Felix

office,

the

P r o s p e c t u s Editor,

mark.baker@usa.net. Please

get

touch

would

help

If you are

you

with

will

meeting

s e c o n d e r s to the

in the

of Beit Q u a d (opposite the office).

video - feel

Then tu rn up to

free to turn up! It will be

held in the

Societies

Resource

12:30

. /0

T u e s d a y 2 4 t h M a r c h 1998,

Felix at

on Tuesday.

y and

the

P u b l i c a t i o n s B o a r d A G M on

Clubs &

Centre

ten

Union

N o t i c e b o a r d on the Ist floor

Tuesday 17th to talk about what should be

interested t a k e

yourself, a p r o p o s e r a n d

the

organisation or filming too... There

Web

Editor.

12 34 5s 6 7 8 89 :

6:30pm

e Union N e e d s You:

Positions still need to be filled for next year: - Ents Officer - want to organise big and great events ; - Publicity Officer - < = t better ideas than Saatchi > Saatchi ; W e want you. - <?@ABCDEE t Editor - Your chance to slag off the F G S to 3000 students. Please come round to the H I J y > KLMNOs Union Officer P Room 340 Q Mech Eng R for more information.

document

called,

H e r e w e find the g r e a t e s t surprise of all - the

Legacy allowed

allow ICU to operated from

a n d profit

t r a d i n g activity o n

property -

its

own

"1CU m a y c o n t i n u e

o p e r a t e legitimate t r a d i n g activities in

the

College",

and

"ICU

15a Harrington Road South Kensington London SW7

3ES

(1 Minute walkfromSouth Kensington Tube)

C U T & B L O W DRY BY O U R

£15 £13 Normal

TOP

STYLISTS

LADIES MEN Price

£30

FELIX WEEK MONDAY Arts Meeting - 1 p m . For all intere s t e d in exhibitions a n d t h e a t r e Features Meeting - 1 p m . If y o u w a n t t o write or layout features, take p h o t o g r a p h s , o r just h a v e a n idea, c o m e along. Books Meeting - 1 p m Film Meeting - 12 n o o n . WEDNESDAY M a d n e s s all d a y 1 0 a m - 3 a m . N o t r e c o m m e n d e d for the u n i n i tiated.

Telephone ACCESS

VISA

MASTERCARD

Music Meeting - 1 . 3 0 p m . free m u s i c , just turn u p . CASH

CHEQUES

that

the

D o u b l y strange

document

dates

f r o m the s a m e p e r i o d that historians believe f o r m e d the

beginning

of the L e g a c y ' s great e m p i r e buildi n g era - s u b s u m i n g

a little b o o k -

s h o p , travel a g e n t a n d bar before m o v i n g on to annex other campuses,

u n i v e r s i ti e s a n d

entire

coun-

tries, but w e all k n o w that. Indeed, the d o c u m e n t w a s in force d u r i n g this entire

p e r i o d (though

w a t e r e d - d o w n in 1998)

it w a s

but

must

h a v e b e e n to ta l l y d i s r e g a r d e d ; take for i n s t a n c e " I C U m a y o c c u p y . . . in o r d e r t o fulfil its legitimate role a n d m a y a l l o w o u t s i d e o r g a n i s a t i o n s to use w h o l e or parts of it for any a g r e e d p u r p o s e . . . N o 4 . Sherfield R o o m 2 1 6 C [STA Travel]

in a c c o r -

d a n c e w i t h the t e r m s of the lease a g r e e m e n t a p p r o v e d by M P G o n 9 November

1 9 9 3 " , in p l a c e

when,

a c c o r d i n g t o a rare s u r v i v i n g c o p y of the evil a n t i - l e g a c y

newspaper

Felix, the J YA s h o p w a s t a k e n by the c o l l e g e w i t h o u t c o n s u l t a t i o n or Governing Body approval

(Power

a n d Fortune t o t h e L egac y). But

then

again,

the

Legacy

w o u l d never h a v e g o t w h e r e it is t o d a y g i v i n g c o n c e s s i o n s t o weak, s u b v e r s i v e i n f l u e n c e s s u c h as this Imperial College Union seems

have b e e n !

may

THE

HAIRSALON

student activities." then,

For

Please Note There will be N O Felix next Friday (20 March). Watch out for a special bumper Easter edition on Wednesday 25 March.

Free CDs! The H a l d a n e STUU VWXY T n purchases music which can be borrowed by any m e m b e r of the library. Music buyers have been appointed and are eagerly waiting for your suggestions! Please fill in a form from the ^ Z[\] ]y so that we can get what you want.

13 March

`` _ 8

O n e of m o r e

useful things

COLUMNS about

having n e w g o v e r n m e n t s is that they

public hear w h a t its s u p r e m e b o d y

themselves

w a s d i s c u s s i n g . Instead

they m a y s o o n be u n p a i d . There are

m e m b e r s o f the Cabinet a n d party leaders) will n o longer

it is u s e d

suspended,

although

Hon"-

members

take a fresh l o o k at affairs, a n d find

n o w t o interrupt d ebates , s o m e t h i n g

certain limits t o w h a t c a n be d o n e

it politically a great d e a l easier t o

w h i c h it c a n d o t o g o o d effect.

within disciplinary policy - a p e r s o n

receive

returned by a constituency

speaking

change t h e m . W i t h this in m i n d , o n e

A n o t h e r ridiculous regulation u p

should

a n d ex-

preference

in t h e

order,

allow

all

present

for the s c r a p h e a p is t h e rule that a

not just b e t o l d he can't turn u p o r

M e m b e r s t o receive e q u a l treatment

Government w a s to form a cross-

M e m b e r m u s t be "seated a n d c o v -

vote

within the chamber.

party

Committee,

ered" t o m a k e a point of order dur-

directly

w h i c h l o o k e d at w a y s of m a k i n g t h e

ing a d e b a t e . O p e r a hats are p l a c e d

democracy,

C o m m o n s m o r e user-friendly. This

at strategic p o i n t s a r o u n d the c h a m -

things that can a n d it s e e m s , will be

mendation from the committee was

has just s u b m i t t e d its report t o t h e

ber, a n d whilst o n e is b e i n g p a s s e d

d o n e t o redress the balance. O n t h e

that certain bills c o u l d g o through

of t h e first

acts

of t h e

Modernisation

anymore,

since

against

that

goes

the principle of

One

but there are certain

perhaps

of more most

interesting, a n d

important

recom-

H o u s e . This report c o v e r s a s p e c t s o f

Parliament m o r e slowly, taking t w o

the d e b a t i n g p r o c e s s itself - m o r e

years

Hamish

fundamental changes to the ways M P s w o r k a n d live are m o n t h s , if not

just

o n e . The

take longer than a single p a r l i a m e n -

Eye

S o m e o f the things that are likely t o be s c r a p p e d s e e m t o have l o n g lived past their usefulness.

than

the C h a n n e l Tunnel Rail Link Bill t o

Westminster

years away.

rather

administrative nightmare o f a l l o w i n g

Under

present Parliamentary p r o c e d u r e , if

tary t e r m (period of t i m e Queen's

Speeches)

between

w a s generally

c o n s i d e r e d t o b e senseless w a s t e of t i m e . This w o u l d prevent such

a M e m b e r s h o u t s "1 s p y strangers",

the law creating

debacles the Child

m u s t call a v o t e o n

t o t h e M e m b e r m a k i n g t h e point,

issue o f general behaviour within the

S u p p o r t A g e n c y , w h i c h w a s rushed

whether t o b a n "strangers" f r o m t h e

they t e n d t o c o v e r their h e a d w i t h a

chamber,

through

r o o m . Strangers

are p e o p l e w i t h i n

p i e c e of paper. The vision of a n M P

p r o p o s e d (mainly by the n e w intake)

the Parliamentary building w h o are

m a k i n g a serious point o n parlia-

w e r e d i s c a r d e d : M e m b e r s will still

not M e m b e r s or Peers. T h e n a m e

m entary p r o c e d u r e whilst w e a r i n g a

ad d ress

than

p r o c e d u r e m a y s e e m dull t o those

Strangers itself is u p for r e v i e w - it is c o n s i d e r e d not particularly w e l c o m ing. The p r o c e d u r e w a s originally a d o p t e d t o prevent agents o f t h e m o n a r c h listening in t o d e b a t e s a n d reporting t h e results back t o t h e palace. It w a s also u s e d d u r i n g the S e c o n d W o r l d W a r for security reasons, although it c o u l d never realistically be u s e d n o w , since it w o u l d not look t o o i m p r e s s i v e for a c o n s t i tutional d e m o c r a c y n o t t o let t h e

silly hat h a s , in t h e v i e w of the

e a c h other; M e m b e r s will call e a c h

not i n v o l v e d (if y o u think this lot w a s

the

Speaker

greater

ridicule t h a n

rather

•

File

Edit

Tools

without

proper

b e q u e a t h i n g us t h e present The

scrutiny, mess.

m i n u t i a e of parliamentary

other "the H o n M e m b e r for [con-

bad, the don't read Erskine M a y , the 6 0 0 + page g u i d e t o p r o c e d u r e : vet-

almost any

w a s t o m a k e it m o r e difficult t o refer

eran M P s say they still don't under-

other. W e d o not believe that it c a n

s t a n d it all) but it is vitally important

be a l l o w e d t o continue."

d e b a t e s degenerating into slanging

in t h e p a s s a g e o f sensible legislation

The H o u s e is also c r a c k i n g d o w n

matches); M e m b e r s will still v o t e in

and

o n b a d behaviour f r o m its m e m b e r s

p e r s o n ; a n d finally, the Speaker c a n

the

- s h o w i n g a n e w sensitivity t o public

still h o l d M e m b e r s t o a c c o u n t for

G o v e r n m e n t c a n d o this well, they

o p i n i o n o n its r o w d i n e s s a n d ill-dis-

their

will certainly have left at least o n e

cipline.

Members can

o c c u r t h o u g h : m e m b e r s of t h e Privy

o b t a i n s o m e free publicity by getting

C o u n c i l (those w h o are called "Rt

Presently,

each

other

quickly, to

behaviour.

Obiect

Structure

Text

Curves

Color" • E s t i m a t e

stop

O n e change

[<{^CS C h e m D f a w P i o - [ U n t i t l e d d o c u m e n t - 1 ] *1

were

stituency]" rather than by n a m e (this

"almost

the H o u s e

brought

t h e Speaker,

that

into

Modernisation Committee, certainly

various ideas

Window

will

m a i n t a i n i n g Parliament high in public

esteem.

g o o d legacy t o its s u c c e s s o r s .

iiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiii in II LJ I— : i "TO ;

! 1 1 H 1 ^l<si

Q C s - s H O p

R • \ m • K^.

,17

J^'"^^ CCS

M e O .

•

SHOP

Cli

Level 4

Mechanical Engineering Building ext.

46953

ccs-shop@ic.ac.uk \ /

9.30am - 5.00pm

( W e d1 0 . 0 0 a m -

5.00pm)

...

1 n

£79.00 inc. VAT

OCOMe

ChemDraw

- Structure Drawing Package

'•I' .|

n O! m

•I 100%

the

COLUMNS

bb 8 a

3 March

this

on Kent. Provided Wye College's

ly wish to see a much reduced

who used to receive

Wye College 'merger' a couple of

land is not covered by ancient

monarchy that is far cheaper to

are now supported by the Q u e e n

When

I first heard about

months ago, I was puzzled, as I

rules that prevent resale or rede-

run

was

I pon-

velopment, something we nearly

ment. For the most part, this is

last

Friday. What,

than

the

current

arrange-

directly. considers

Moreover, that the

payments when

one

Q u e e n and

Imperial C o l l e g e ,

always fall foul in these situa-

rubbish. The supposed desire for

Prince Charles pay income

one of the leading universities in

tions, Imperial could make a for-

reform

and that surplus income from

Britain, want with a tin pot acad-

tune. For their part, Wye gets to

poisonous, trouble-making thugs

the Crown Estates are given to

on Fleet Street,

the Treasury, the idea that we

fabricating

cannot afford the status quo is

dered,

emy

does

for

apprentice

crunchers

from

minor

carrot public

schools? A c omb in ation of

too

trade

their

Ford

Fiesta

degree

for

many late nights and an exces-

Bentley-esque

sive study of the

fine ales

qualification.

Southside

that

meant

was

almost

being very naive. There is only

sounds

one reason in the world why IC

good

would want Wye. '350 hectares in

true.

the

too

Ashford, Kent.' That would be the

past,

Ashford

wonder

deals

have

been.

that

the

Channel Tunnel rail link, I presume.

For

anyone

who

still

thinks that some deluded s o u l in the

upper

echelons

College sees academic

the

benefits

such

Please let this cynical

(C*}

de c

this

is simply g o o d , old

/"Y*>

c o fg

In recent times, the Royal Family

fashioned asset stripping. When

seem

the link is built, land in the prox-

relentless

imity will skyrocket in value as

This drive has supposedly come

the world and his wife descend

from 'the people', who apparent-

have

been

pressure

under

reform.

With

proposals

ludicrous,

malicious slur by

those who seek to

and University of L o n d o n U n i o n ( U L U ) Sponsored by The Islamic Foundation IMPEKS

the

penny-pinching is not only d a m -

the

that the Q u e e n

trays an image of Britain as

f*^

has been forced

spent force to the rest of the

world. We have already had the

present,

aging to the monarchy, but por-

Britannia

fiasco,

k S the Royal Family so i I ordinary and insignificant that its very existence comes into question. The cost issue is particularly galling. After the changes of the last few years, the Civil List is now limited to Her Majesty, the Duke of Edinburgh and the Q u e e n Mother; those

maritime

nation,

which, for was

deeply

humiliating. To cut further

the

expenditure o n our head of state, at

time

when

government

offices are being refurbished at exorbitant

cost,

and must be s t o p p e d .

T h e X e n o p h o b i a o f our times A conference organised by Federation of Students' Islamic Societies ( F O S I S )

attack

great institutions of state. Such

run the risk of

the

tax

f""t*

iy)

than

n a t i o n a l debate.

wrong.

reportin g

ly}

old

scribe

principally from

rather

from this, let me reassure you that

stems

18 M a r c h 1998 2 - 5 p m N e w Lecture Theatre, R o o m 2 B 1 8 K i n g s College, Strand, L o n d o n . Contact: 0181452 4493. For advanced booking, contact: a s l 5 @ i c . a c . u k

outrageous

13 March

ii h 8

COLUMNS

e) QUO LTD per lb + 15 m i n for joints w i t h a b o n e .

ROASTING - Part 1

y o u like c r a c k l i n g , buy a joint w i t h its skin still o n

T o c o n t i n u e t h e o v e n t h e m e I t h o u g h t I'd d o

Lamb. The only p i e c e of l a m b I r e c k o n is

(this a l s o r e m o v e s the n e e d t o b a s t e the joint.

a little r e s u m e of r o a s t i n g t e c h n i q u e s . R o a s t i n g

really w o r t h r o a s t i n g is the leg. All the other bits

B o n u s ) . Either w a y , s c o r e t h e t o p s i d e o f the

is o n e of m y favourite m e t h o d s of c o o k i n g a n d

are b e s t grilled. A really tasty w a y of

seasoning

joint w i t h a s h a r p knife d o w n t o t h e flesh, rub

has l o a d s of a d v a n t a g e s e.g. t h e f o o d t a s t e s

this is t o insert slivers of garlic into the l e g by

w i t h oil a n d s e a s o n i n g s . Y o u c a n u s e practically

great, y o u don't u s e m u c h fat, it's r i d i c u l o u s l y

c u t t i n g d e e p holes into it u s i n g a l o n g thin knife

any herb, s p i c e or c o m b i n a t i o n o n p o r k . I'm par-

e a s y a n d it k e e p s the p l a c e w a r m .

a n d p u s h i n g slices of garlic right d o w n the cut.

ticularly partial t o a m i x t u r e of salt, p e p p e r , c i n -

T h e n rub w i t h olive o i l , salt a n d r o s e m a r y . Place

A f e w g e n e r a l p o i n t s t o start w i t h . R o a s t i n g

n a m o n , m u s t a r d ( p o w d e r ) a n d sugar but garlic, c l o v e s , bay, laurel e t c a d n a u s e a m are all e x c e l -

i m p l i e s u s i n g a q u i c k , fierce h e a t . For m e a t this m e a n s y o u n e e d a g o o d q u a l i t y p i e c e of a r o u n d

lent. O n c e f l a v o u r e d , p u t t h e joint in a tin a n d

four p o u n d s s o get s o m e f r i e n d s a r o u n d . The

into t h e o v e n at t h e u s u a l 2 2 0 ° C , gas m a r k 8.

o v e n n e e d s t o be very h o t w h e n t h e f o o d is p u t

A f t e r 10 m i n u t e s r e d u c e t o 1 8 0 ° C , gas m a r k 5

in, generally 2 2 0 ° C , gas m a r k 8.

for the rest of t h e c o o k i n g t i m e . If t h e joint d o e s not have a n y skin, b a s t e e v e r y 3 0 m i n u t e s .

Right, first off, Beef. Suitable c u t s i n c l u d e sirloin (expensive), s i l v e r s i d e a n d c h u c k . H a v e a

T o t a l c o o k i n g t i m e = 3 5 m i n u t e s p e r lb +

chat w i t h y o u r l o c a l f a m i l y b u t c h e r a n d d e c i d e .

3 5 m i n for b o n e d joints, or 3 0 m i n u t e s p e r lb +

W h i l s t y o u r o v e n is w a r m i n g u p , w i p e t h e joint

3 0 m i n for joints o n t h e b o n e .

with a d a m p c l o t h , s e a s o n it w i t h salt a n d p e p -

That's all for this w e e k , I'll d o f o w l a n d v e g -

per a n d p l a c e it in a r o a s t i n g t i n w i t h s o m e fat.

etables next w e e k . H o w e v e r , a q u i c k w o r d o n

The best fat is of c o u r s e b e e f d r i p p i n g but but-

c a r v i n g (cutting u p t h e roast): it's a n e x t r e m e l y Roast Duck

ter will d o I s u p p o s e . You'll n e e d a b o u t 1 o z per

(not featured on this page)

c o m p l i c a t e d subject that d e m a n d s a lot of skill

p o u n d of beef. Put t h e roast into the v e r y hot o v e n a n d leave for 1 0 - 1 5

m i n u t e s t o sear t h e

meat and then reduce to

180°C, gas m a r k 5.

a n d p r a c t i c e . N e e d l e s s t o s a y I've g o t neither so I just hack w h a t e v e r in t h e hot o v e n for 10 m i n u t e s a n d t h e n r e d u c e

You'll n e e d t o baste t h e joint e v e r y 3 0 m i n u t e s

the heat t o 180°C, gas m a r k 5 for the r e m a i n i n g

t o k e e p it nice a n d m o i s t (this i n v o l v e s r e m o v -

time. N o basting involved.

ing t h e joint f r o m t h e o v e n w i t h an a p p r o p r i a t e

Total c o o k i n g t i m e = 2 5 m i n u t e s per lb +

insulating t h i n g , p o u r i n g t h e fat in t h e tin o v e r

2 5 m i n for m e d i u m c o o k e d , 3 0 m i n u t e s per lb

the m e a t u s i n g an large s p o o n a n d p u t t i n g it

+ 3 0 m i n for w e l l d o n e .

back in the o v e n ) .

it is t o

pieces.

Oddly

e n o u g h , it t a s t e s just as g o o d .

Antoine

Pork. I r e c o m m e n d (but a g a i n , y o u r l o c a l

Total c o o k i n g t i m e = 2 0 m i n u t e s per lb +

b u t c h e r is the expert) that y o u use leg, loin or

10 m i n for joints w i t h o u t a b o n e , or 15 m i n u t e s

s h o u l d e r for roasting, w i t h or w i t h o u t a b o n e . If

Thought For the Day Homeless and Hungry

reshers,

Romans,

country-

m e n , p i n bac k y o u r ears. L a n d

Accommodation

Office

just

isn't

that p h i l a n t h r o p i c .

a distinct lack of s o c i a l ability; o n e

b r u i s e - f r e e by w e e k six, c o n s i d e r a

a l c o h o l - b l o o d e d S o u t h s i d e Bar res-

career m o v e t o w a r d s counselling. 1

is very e x p e n s i v e in L o n d o n .

M o s t folk in Hall last year k n e w

ident, d i s p l a y i n g a n a d v a n c e d t a l -

also

W e don't have nearly e n o u g h H a l l s

p r e c i s e l y w i t h w h o m t h e y w o u l d be

ent for s t o m p i n g u p the stairs at 4

n o b o d y will w a s h u p , e m p t y

of R e s i d e n c e at this fine e s t a b l i s h -

living, w h e n a n d w h e r e , by the e n d

a m a n d m a n a g i n g t o k n o c k every-

bins, tidy t h e k i t c h e n , h o o v e r , c l e a n

m e n t . This is d e m o n s t r a t e d invari-

of the first t e r m . If y o u have not

thing, a n d I m e a n e v e r y t h i n g , o v e r ;

the

Times lmn Good University jk o in w h i c h Imperial's biggest A c h i l l e s heel, especially in d e f e r e n c e t o t h o s e u p p e r - c r u s t i e s at O x b r i d g e , is its w o e f u l lack of a c c o m m o d a t i o n . (1 said a c c o m m o d a t i o n , not w o m e n . H o n e s t l y , d o y o u never think a b o u t a n y t h i n g else?) T h e u n f o r t u n a t e practical u p s h o t of this is that y o u are g o i n g t o have t o find s o m e w h e r e t o live next y e a r . I s e e y o u hadn't t h o u g h t of that. P l a n n i n g t o get ano the r p l a c e in Hall w e r e y o u , or just s l e e p o n s o m e o n e ' s floor? P e r h a p s y o u c o u l d c r a s h o u t in t h e service d u c t at the e n d of t h e l a n d ing. Sorry, guys, the

c o n s i d e r e d t h e s e finer p o i n t s yet, it

finally o n e trance - garage - h o u s e -

else, until b l o o d is s p i l t . A n d w h o ' s g o i n g t o c l e a n that u p ?

ably by s u r v e y s s u c h as t h e

isn't

worth

precious

d r u m 'n' bass - trip h o p enthusiast

good

intentions

w i t h a s t e r e o c a p a b l e of s h a t t e r i n g

falter w h e n t h e

individuals

adrenalin; often

expending these

i n v o l v e d find that rather than b e i n g blood

brothers

for life, t h e y

Stonehenge "personal

and

nine

use"

ounces

hashish

stashed

confidently

predict

that the

bath a n d t o l i e t s , or a n y t h i n g

C h o o s e i n s u r a n c e . C h o o s e a TV licence.

Choose

paying

the

bills

early. C h o o s e a h o u s e w i t h a d i s h -

are

u n d e r his b e d , m a k i n g e v e r y o n e in

washer, and a lounge. Choose

each

the h o u s e p a r a n o i d for their entire

rent

o t h e r by the S u m m e r T e r m . W h e n

tenancy.

r o o m s . C h o o s e a flatmate w i t h a

this

p l a c e , the fun but starts.

utterly s i c k of t h e happens,

sharing

sight of

students

expensive,

end

Once

you've

got

the

If y o u r

draughty,

rent i n c l u d e s bills, y o u are b l e s s e d

c o l d , V i c t o r i a n flat in Earl's C o u r t /

i n d e e d ; there's n o t h i n g q u i t e like

South

spending

Kensington

Bayswater

Sunday

afternoon

per

week

Playstation.

with

Choose

no the

#50

shared biggest

room. Frankly,

after

four

weeks

fruitless s e a r c h i n g , y o u will c h o o s e

(delete as a p p r o p r i a t e ) w i t h the fol-

a n a l y s i n g the ' p h o n e bill a n d a c c u s -

the o n l y p l a c e y o u c a n get.

l o w i n g lot: o n e s m e l l y heavy m e t a l

ing e a c h other of s p e n d i n g £ 2 0 o n

don't b l a m e m e w h e n t h e w i n d o w s

guitar

0 8 9 8 n u m b e r s . Expect t o start get-

leak.

one

t i n g o n e a c h other's nerves by w e e k

enthusiast, and

complete

747-size

Engineering

with

amplifier;

student

with

horn-

r i m m e d glasses, six c o m p u t e r s a n d

three

extremely

week

four

lucky.

if y o u

If y o u

are

are all

just

Campbell

INTERVIEW

3 March

qq p 8

The Many Faces of

Robson e Soldier

half of Robson lusive interview...

tracks down the I hearth rob for an

Soldier

{

Green

Gerome and

R: Yes, very similar, it is w r i t t e n by Paul A b b o t t

Gambling Man a n d liked m y w o r k s o a s k e d if 1 w o u l d be i n t e r e s t e d in d o i n g Reckless s o w e g o t t o g e t h e r for that a n d n o w w e are w o r k i n g o n a s e c o n d series of Touching Evil. The first e p i s o d e s s h o u l d be s h o w n a b o u t A p r i l . C : S o w h a t a b o u t the m u s i c c a r e e r th e n ? R: (laughs) M u s i c career? W e l l . . 1 w a s actually a p r o f e s s i o n a l singer for four y e a r s b e f o r e I b e c a m e an a c t o r . The singles r e c o r d e d w i t h G e r o m e t o o k off really q u i c k l y , it w a s w e i r d . W e s a n g the first single Unchained Melody in t h e series a n d w e r e a p p r o a c h e d by r e c o r d c o m p a nies w a n t i n g t o release it, s u d d e n l y m i l l i o n s of p e o p l e w e r e b u y i n g our r e c o r d s ! It w a s fun but 1 am glad 1 got out w h e n 1 d i d . C : N o plans for a n o t h e r single then? R: N o ! There is s o m e t h i n g rather c o r r u p t a b o u t the m u s i c industry, very fickle a n d c o m p e t i t i v e , there is n o s e n s e of c o m m u n i t y . . . A n d y o u c a n q u o t e m e o n that. (1 have!) C: W h a t d i d y o u think of the Brit A w a r d s a n d t h e water-throwing episode?

w h o w r o t e m a n y of the Cracker

R: 1 t h o u g h t they w e r e s e l f - o b s e s s e d a n d self-

C: ( D e s p e r a t e l y trying t o t h i n k of a n e w , inter-

a very t a l e n t e d g u y w h o w r i t e s very truthfully, he

conceited

pointless

act

e s t i n g a n d original q u e s t i o n t o ask) S o h o w d o

is very g o o d at a d a p t i n g life's e x p e r i e n c e s

w h i c h effectively i n s u l t e d t h e p e o p l e that

are

Y O U eat y o u r c r e m e e g g s t h e n ? ( O h m y g o d . I

trange

events

were taking place around

H a m m e r s m i t h . Innocent m e d i c a l students

their

way

lecture

were

over-

w h e l m e d by the p r e s e n c e of a film c r e w o u t s i d e the R e y n o l d s b u i l d i n g a n d e v e n m o r e a m a z e d t o

stuvwxy

s p o t R o b s o n G r e e n , star of T V ' s r and

one

half of t h e

successful

Soilder

singing d u o

R o b s o n &. G e r o m e , c a l m l y e a t i n g a s a n d w i c h ! W e l l I a m never o n e t o p a s s u p a n o p p o r t u n i t y , and the lovely b l o k e a g r e e d t o be h a r a s s e d by m e , all in the n a m e o f j o u r n a l i s m . S o , after 15 h o u r s of f i l m i n g (thats h i m n o t m e ) ,

I asked

him... C L A R E : S o w h a t w e r e y o u f i l m i n g for t o d a y , Robson? R O B S O N : It is for t h e s e c o n d series of a TV d r a m a c a l l e d Touching

Evil w h i c h is a b o u t t h e

m o t i v e s a n d p s y c h o l o g y b e h i n d serial killers. I a m a d e t e c t i v e in t h e serial c r i m e unit, it's not about w h a t t h e y d o but w h y . C: similar t o Cracker

then? e p i s o d e s . H e is and

d r a m a a w a r d . Paul s a w m e in The

arseholes!

It w a s

relating t h e m t o his w o r k .

p a y i n g thier w a g e s . 1 w o u l d n ' t have d o n e it, t h e

Reckless too? (Shown o n t e l e v i s i o n last m o n t h , R o b s o n s t a r r e d a l o n g s i d e F r a n c e s c a A n n i s as a n e n g l i s h s u r g e o n w h o falls for his b o s s ' w i f e . ) R: Yes, it has a l s o b e e n n o m i n a t e d for an RTS

w h o l e awards business

Wasn't

involved with

is just for t h e

music

you support. R: (grins) W h i c h o n e d o y o u think? C: U m . . . Newcastle? R: Y e s ! (Silly q u e s t i o n really!)

c a n ' t believe I just d i d that.) R: (looks s u p r i s e d t h e n laughs) I d o n ' t eat t h e m , eggs are b a d for y o u !

industry. C: Y o u m e t a lot of m e d i c a l s t u d e n t s

today,

C: D i d y o u k n o w that a c c o r d i n g t o a survey by a

d o e s it w o r r y y o u that the future of t h e H e a l t h

leading

Service is in our h a n d s ?

r a t e d sixth in t h e " O p t r e x D e w D r o p s Valentines

R: (laughs) N o . 1 have n o w o r r i e s a b o u t

those

women's

magazine,

you

have

been

Eyes S u r v e y " , b e a t e n by B r a d Pitt I a m afraid!

that have b e e n t h r o u g h all their training. I a m

R: T h e w h a t ? ? I h a v e n o i d e a w h a t that is all

not concerned

a b o u t the s t a n d a r d s but 1 d o

a b o u t but I a m very flattered a n y w a y ! It is a

w o r r y about t h o s e that are r u n n i n g the health

c o m p l i m e n t t o m y m u m w h o has beautiful eyes

scenes.

and m y brother t o o . H e has great e y e s . Its def-

s e r v i c e f r o m their offices, b e h i n d the

The d o c t o r s a n d nurses are o v e r w o r k e d a n d

initely g e n e t i c ! N o w blue e y e s is d o m i n a n t isn't

underpaid.

it?

C: M m m . . . m i g h t m e e t y o u at the o t h e r e n d of my

scalpel one

d a y ! W h a t is it like b e i n g a

C: (thinks: Brother? H m m m . Blue e y e s ? H m m m ) I h a v e n ' t really b e e n t o e n o u g h g e n e t i c s

lec-

tures, s o r r y !

celebrity then? R: (Groans) I d o n ' t feel like a celebrity a n d I

R: A h !

h o p e 1 d o n ' t c o m e a c r o s s like o n e ! I d o n ' t like

C : W e l l thats a b o u t it. u n l e s s y o u w i s h t o a d d

p l a y i n g t h e celebrity, I d o n ' t d o PR evnts a n d

any s c a n d e l o u s d e t a i l s t o g i v e m e a n i c e h e a d -

hate d o i n g live TV i n t e r v i e w s . I will o n l y d o

line...

events t o p r o m o t e the project that I a m w o r k i n g o n . 1 think the m u s i c a l part t o o k off at the s a m e

T H E V E R D I C T : D o w n t o earth a n d v e r y friendly

t i m e as m y a c t i n g career a n d I w a s w o r r i e d that

(and the e y e s are nice!) If y o u m i s s e d the last

the m u s i c m a y detract f r o m the s e r i o u s w o r k

series of Touching

but luckily it has b e c o m e m o r e s e t t l e d n o w s o

o n e in A p r i l . If y o u are a m e d i c t h e n l o o k out for

the celebrity issue is not s o i m p o r t a n t .

the

Some

p e o p l e live off their status but I d o n ' t w a n t t o be f a m o u s for the sake of it. C: I w a s a s k e d t o find o u t w h i c h f o o t b a l l t e a m

Evil t h e n l o o k out for the n e w

Charing Cross

Cheers Robson!

scenes

in e p i s o d e

three.

The world's gone

{jREEIM

Sports r Centre -v *

You don't have to be an

INCREDIBLE

HULK

But you do need a good PERSONALITY, the ability to deal CALMLY with people,

If the answer is yes, you now have the perfect opportunity to do so at the Sports Centre.

a sense of HUMOUR, be a good TEAM player, Flexibility have good INTERPERSONAL skills,

Martyn Kenton w i l l coach students and staff in all aspects of swimming, ranging from gaining confidence in the water to stroke technique.

'union steward

A six week Saturday course commences as of March 28th and is split into three groups.

If you think you've got what we need Contact MARK

On 4 8 0 6 8 Or in the Union Office

ii Beginners Beginners II Improvers

( N o n swimmers) ( Can swim 15m unaided ) ( Can swim 100m unaided )

Interviews s t a r t W e d s 18th YOUR UNION - FOR YOU

For full details please contact the Sports Centre reception on Ext 48964

MUSIC

}} | 8

13 March

R e v i e w s are g i v e n a m a r k out of

2 0 - ARTS

MUSIC - 12

five as f o l l o w s . . .

Indigo

CLUBBING - 14

22 - GAMES

kirkk

2 4 - PUZZLES

FILM - 18

Vermillion

•k-k-k

Saffron

k -k

Emerald

No Stars

CORNERSHOP

TheHybirds

• • • •

n t h e d a y of t h e g i g , e v e r y -

the

thing s e e m e d

hap-

instantly it w a s clear w h a t attitude

p e n i n g s o fast. I g o t a fax

the b a n d w a s e x u d i n g into the ini-

from Wiija Records telling m e they

tially eager

This isn't a b a d t h i n g . S o m e

h a d a c o u p l e of s p a r e t i c k e t s t o s e e

Tjinder S i n g h w a s t h e o n l y m e m b e r

m u s i c has b e e n m a d e by p e r s o n s

o u t of the five w h o w a s s t a n d i n g .

w h o m o s t l y r e s e m b l e our p r i m a t e

Side

Cornershop

and

I was

brimming

p o w e r e d out c o m p l e t e bass

heavy

Secondly,

band c a m e o n stage. I have

acknowledge

listening t o their When

I Was For The Seventh Time LP n o n since Christmas a n d have h o o k e d o n the m e l t i n g p o t of Hindi s o n g influences, hip sonic m a s h e d up grooves and a bit of c o u n t r y a n d w e s t e r n . thought of experiencing delightful a m a l g a m of s o u n d s too g o o d to be true, a n d I h e a d e d down to M a l e t Street for a c h i l l e d out dusted d o w n g i g of a lifetime. The

with

undertones,

c r o w d . Firstly,

with anticipation hours before the been

refused

and

singer

even

that the c r o w d w a s

there. W h a t is that all a b o u t ?

hybrid of m o n k e y a n d m a n ;

a r c h i v e w h e n m a k i n g this a l b u m .

this is w h a t 1 t h o u g h t R i c h a r d

The B e a t l e s feature o n the o p e n i n g

Warren,

songwriter

relations.

lead

for t h e

There's

singer

and

Hybirds,

was.

A w a y ' s o u n d s u n c a n n i l y similar t o

fine

The Only Ones a n d S h e d S e v e n ' s Going for Gold m a k e s a guest a p p e a r a n c e at the b e g i n n i n g of The Wanderers. C l i c h e - f r e e , i n s p i r i n g a n d original, T he H y b i r d s m a y n o t be. Saviours of a n a p p a r e n t l y f a d i n g guitar rock b a n d s c e n e , t h e y c o u l d well turn o u t to be. T h e t r i u m p h a n t I'm Coming Out feels like an e m a n c i p a t i o n f r o m s o m e f o r m of i m p r i s o n m e n t : b e it m e n t a l , p h y s i c a l , s o c i a l or e m o t i o n a l . The p u n k y 24 m a k e s y o u turn t h e s t e r e o up and p r a c t i c e y o u r best r h y t h m air guitar p o s e s a n d this is w h a t g o o d rock m u s i c d o e s . It hits y o u h a r d s o m e t i m e s a n d it t a k e s y o u a w a y other t i m e s . It t a k e s y o u a w a y f r o m the m u n d a n e r o u t i n e . It lifts y o u above the r u b b i s h . It s e e m s so s i m p l e that it m a k e s y o u w o n d e r h o w s o m e b a n d s lose the p l o t . The H y b i r d s h a v e t h e r o c k blueprint t o soar: grab a w i n g a n d p r e p a r e to

Ian

Brown and

err... w e l l , S t e v e n Tyler a n d

stop

aren't m i n d readers lads! W e r e w e

s u p p o s e d t o believe that t h e y w e r e

Anyway,

pop,

actually

W a r r e n ' s s o n g s paint a picture that

hop,

t h e e n d of their t r i u m p h a n t recent

tells of hard w o r k i n g , earthy

even

t o u r a n d that they w e r e really s o o o

realistic i n t e n t i o n s . T h e r e ' s a w o n derfully gritty c o u p l e t in t h e c l i m a c -

celebrating

inside

about

T he

h a p p y t o be there. W e l l , it w o r r i e s

this

m e if t h e y w e r e ;

was

them during a bad patch.

I'd hate t o

see

funny bloke as monkey

tic Stranded:

well,

isn't

business

'Picture y o u , p i c t u r e

think s o . Picture m e , p i c t u r e y o u ;

decipher

d o y o u m a k e m e feel b r a n d n e w ? I

the a n i m o s i -

d o n ' t think s o . '

t y Cornershop

O a s i s c r o w d . It's g o o d s o l i d rock.

showed

M o s t s o n g s start with an e a s y intro

their

This a l b u m is perfect for the p o s t -

fans,

before b u i l d i n g into great b i g r a u -

c o u s e n d i n g s . C h e c k o u t t h e classic

though wouldn't

r o c k n ' roll cries o f ' Y e a h , y e a h ,

y e a h ! ' at the e n d of Stranded

far as

call it aloof-

the gratuitous ' O h y e a h " s

ness.

c h e e s y rock a n t h e m

Many

imprinted

people

w i t h a bit of

ed with g o o d

cheesy U L U Cornershop's frontman Tjinder in a rare

m o m e n t of enlightment.

Hardcore?!) w a s of t h e w h o l e v e n u e

seething

tonight,

money

to the

restrictions h a v e l i m i t e d t h e g e n e r al

feel

and

atmosphere

place. N o w , bands have to the stage b e f o r e 11 p m !

the leave

The strains of Sleep On the

even

w i t h the d r u m m e r a n d b o n g o play-

got

into the

fans,

Few

class m a r a t h o n runner t o s h a m e .

mood

nothing!

what

n o n c h a l a n c e , a n d the slightly o l d e r

band's

exactly

w e r e s p e w e d o u t w i t h infuriating

the a w e s o m e l y c a t c h y of Asha o n l y c a u s i n g a m i n o r stir of r e s p o n s e f r o m the t h r o n g s at t h e front. This p r e v i o u s n u m b e r o n e s h o u l d have c a u s e d a riot but the lack of any e n t h u s i a s m a n d energy o n t h e part of the b a n d

meant

other

Dennis

been

have

with

for but

fly. ra

recog-

a n d it w o u l d

w a s o n c e a n excellent

venue

that is B o m Yesterday. There also s e e m s t o have b e e n a raid into the intro

m e n t w i t h s t a m i n a t o p u t any t o p

indifference s e e p e d

Cornershop

s o n g s f r o m the recent l o n g player

h o w w r o n g c o u l d 1 have been. U L U as

'Take

s p e c t a c l e live

nised

such

Oasis's

deserved

ently totally u p for it c r o w d , but

bands

and

o n the

instrumental.

Cornershop

p o l i t e if t h e y h a d at least T he

part-

witness

w i t h m a s s e s of p e o p l e , a n a p p a r -

this.

and

It is h a r d to

hand

he?

aside,

m e , living life in h a r m o n y ; I d o n ' t

I g o t as 1 h a d

(This

err...

Afanis M o r i s s e t t e . T h a t Lee Evans is

been

view

h u m o u r

30% Grey

THE HYBIRDS

~ U

t o be

Taupe

Jullander Shere (surprisingly w e l l received by t h e fans) started p r o m i s i n g l y e n o u g h but t h e n t u r n e d into a l o o p i n g frenzy of p s y c h e d e l i a that d r i f t e d o n for a staggering 2 0 m i n u t e s , w h i c h left m o s t p e o p l e feeling faint a n d c l o s e t o b e i n g physically ill. It w a s a p o o r a t t e m p t at a t r a n c e d o u t blitz that e n d e d

maniacally

Bizarrely, finale,

the

killing

after crowd

their

this

equip-

torturous

called

for

e n c o r e . N o p r i z e s for g u e s s i n g that t h e y never r e t u r n e d . C o r n e r s h o p ' s present needs

p h i l o s o p h y of 'fans, 'em'

needs

some

who

r a d i c al

changing. H

Jason

13 March

MUSIC

THE LILYS r

JOY DIVISION e r

Can't Make Your

* •

he Lilys burst o n t o t h e m u s i c

b e c o m e s incredibly annoying. Y o u

s c e n e in a t r i e d a n d t e s t e d

spend

way

w h i l e l i s t e n i n g t o the

t o s u c c e s s w i t h their Nanny in Manhatten being featured in a r e c e n t Levis a d in which some fifties k i d s d r i v e a r o u n d in a c o n v e r t e d h e a r s e , spreading love a n d flowers to e v e r y o n e . This g a v e t h e Lilys limite d s u c c e s s in the s i n gles chart w i t h o n e of the lowest charting songs ever, f o l lowing the likes of ¡¢£¤¥¦§¨ Inside a n d Spaceman all f o r m e r n u m b e r o n e s . T he Lilys have n o w c o m p l e t e d an a l b u m , but c a n it c o m p e t e w i t h the q u a l ity of their p r e v i o u s s i n gle? A n d are t h e y as fifties as all that? song

T he

album

purely t o

has

been

recreate

the

made

fifties

almost

the

whole

time

a l b u m just

w a n t i n g t h e m t o s n a p o u t of it a n d t o g e t w i t h the t i m e s . t a k e n a c o m p l e t e l y n o r m a l set tunes, which don't seem to

have

any p l a n t o t h e m in t e r m s of d i r e c start

finish

and

t h e n just p u t in a lot sickly

his c o l l e c t i o n of live tracks, out-takes

a n d classic

w a s r e l e a s e d last

tracks

December.

D u e t o p o p u l a r d e m a n d , it w a s rel a u n c h e d a b o u t a m o n t h a g o a n d is

T he Lilys have s e e m e d t o have

tion,

Heart and Soul * * * *

harmonies

and

just a b o u t o n e of the m o s t

com-

prehensive

and well-made

sets ever.

It really d o e s justice t o

the

band whose

short

tragically

boxed

career w a s when

their

cut lead

singer, Ian Curtis, c o m m i t t e d s u i c i d e . The b a n d f o r m e d in 1 9 7 7

w e i r d bits a n d have h o p e d

a result of the p u n k e x p l o s i o n but

that the b e c a u s e it is s o

they

reminiscent

everyone

will

d i d n ' t c r e a t e thrashy

noise

like t h e

Sex

guitar

Pistols or

the

that e v e r y o n e , w h e t h e r or not they

made

f o r g e t t i n g that t o d o this

kind of m o o d y , b a s s - l e d d r o n e that

ther e m u s t be s o m e talent

r e f l e c t e d their g o t h t e n d e n c i e s a n d

have h e a r d a n y o t h e r Joy D i v i s i o n

there.

It's a l m o s t as if the

w o u l d g o o n t o influence a m u l t i -

tracks, has h e a r d ©ª

beach

boys were

t u d e of b a n d s .

baba

blacksheep

singing

the

singing in

National

A n t h e m for five m i n u t e s t r y i n g t o

lyrics w e r e with

Singer Ian C u r t i s '

depressing

kind

and

monotpony

sung that

w o u l d n o r m a l l y have b e e n b o r i n g -

get as m a n y extra n o t e s in as p o s -

he, h o w e v e r , m a d e t h e m w o r t h lis-

sible t y p e w a y a n d it d o e s n ' t w o r k .

tening to.

This a l b u m has b e e n

greeted

Heart

and

Soul

contains

all

and

N M E , but unless y o u are a fifties

studio

quirky s w o o n s a n d s q u e a k s ' of t h e

k i d , f r o m that great era that n o - o n e

Pleasures a n d C l o s e r as w e l l as a

raves

C D of rarities a n d o u t - t a k e s a n d a

era.

tangents

It is all very i m p r e s s i v e in

t e r m s of h o w w e l l this is a c h i e v e d , but after t h e

first f e w

songs,

on adding

n e w tracks a n d c o n t a i n s the s o n g

they

e x t e n d e d v e r s i o n s of t w o of their

'zestful

carries

instead

a r m s w i d e o p e n by the M a k e r a n d

the

Plus

Buzzcocks;

time was spent trying to recreate of

Closer

j u m p o n the b a n d w a g o n ,

American

m u c h as p o s s i b l e . H o u r s of e d i t i n g

of r e c o r d s . Unexpected Pleasures w a s initially r e l e a s e d in 1979 and was a defining m o m e n t in the b a n d ' s history a n d s o m e w o u l d s a y that it w a s their best a l b u m . It c o u l d be s a i d that a d d i n g new tracks to a classic album would m a k e it w o r s e b e c a u s e it c o n t a i n s t h o s e tracks that the b a n d never w a n t e d o n it. T he c o u n t e r a r g u m e n t is that, as a listener or fan, this set of n e w s o n g s e x t e n d s the j o u r n e y that Heart and Soul takes y o u o n . set

about

or e v e n

talks

about

m u s i c a l l y stay away.CI

albums,

Unexpected

fourth C D of live r e c o r d i n g s .

David

T he

«¬

Will Tear Us T he Rarities C D s h o w s the Apart. biggest t r a n s f o r m a t i o n , t h o u g h . H e r e , it is o b v i o u s t o see h o w the b a n d d e v e l o p e d f r o m their early p u n k s i d e t o late g o t h i c , w h i l e the live C D is a t e s t a m e n t t o Ian C u r t i s ' talent. In s u c h a s m a l l s p a c e , it is difficult t o say m u c h m o r e a b o u t an a l b u m that d e s e r v e s t o be in any s e l f - r e s p e c t i n g m u s i c fan's c o l l e c t i o n . G e t it. Tell y o u r friends t o get it. G e t it. G e t it? C!

first t w o of t h e s e are an interesting

Alok

Pulp - This Is

Hardcore

If they're t r y i n g t o s h e d their Common

People sound, they've done an amazingly convincing job of it. S l e a z i n e s s is t h e key here, p l u s a n a t t e m p t at e p i c - n e s s w i t h o u t q u i t e m a n a g i n g t o pull it off. Even if y o u d i d n ' t rate C o m m o n P e o p l e , y o u ' l l be h a r d p r e s s e d t o r e c k o n this is much cop.

g i v e this a listen. A n y fans of the J8JV1 C h a i n w h o

Streem - Coming

might get

Clearly i n f l u e n c e d by b o t h B o w i e a n d R e p u b l i c a

this r e c o r d , get

it for the

B-sides

w h i c h are only slightly better.

Down

(and e v e n M o n a c o in p l a c e s ) , S t r e e m are o n a j o u r n e y t o t h e M o o n . S o t h e y m i g h t as

well

Portishead - Only You

m a k e s o m e p l e a s i n g m u s i c o n the w a y . B e w a r e :

Typically P o r t i s h e a d , but l a c k i n g any real h o o k -

o n o c c a s i o n s t h e y s o u n d a bit like m a i n s t a y e r s

line t o reel the listener in. D e p r e s s i n g as e x p e c t -

B a b y l o n Z o o . But d o n ' t let that p u t y o u off.

e d but there is n o t h i n g e x c i t i n g h a p p e n i n g here, unlike p r e v i o u s releases s u c h as Glory

ºª»¼ Jason

Mainstream - Step Right Up Bernard Butler - Not

Alone

Recent

C a n y o u r e m e m b e r t h e e p i t o m e of

poppiness

¬® a n d class that is ¯ w h i c h h a d B e r n a r d part-

N u d e signings

Mainstream

probably

Black Crape - Marbles

c h o s e their n a m e as an e s c a p e c l a u s e , in c a s e

N o o n e ' s really sure w h e t h e r Black G r a p e still

they

n e r e d w i t h M c A l m o n t . This track is nearly u p

exist or not. O n e thing's for c e r ta i n , s o n g s f r o m

t h o u g h . This s o n g is a m a z i n g . O K , s o the v o i c e

there in the s a m e c a t e g o r y of q u a l i t y . It is b o t h

their latest a l b u m lack t h e s a m e d r u g - a d d l e d

is classic T i m Burgess w i t h a s p r i n k l i n g of Ian

uplifting a n d intensely c a t c h y , a n d it p r o m i s e s

l u n a c y of It's Great When

m u c h for his f o r t h c o m i n g a l b u m .

Therapy? - Church of

Noise

²µ¾¶´³²¯ You're ½ Yeah! M a r b l e s is g o o d t h o u g h , s a v e d f r o m the a s y l u m by the h y p e r - b o l l o c k s line, 'I k n o w y o u s w a p p e d a k i d n e y for a s t o n e / W e l l I s a w y o u s w a p a k i d ney for a ' p h o n e . '

ever g o t

called

unoriginal. Don't worry

B r o w n . Alright, t h e c h o r u s is H a p p y M o n d a y s e s q u e w i t h its j u m p a b l e ' S t e p Right U p , c ' m o n n o w , S t e p Right U p ' refrain. A n d , a g r e e d ,

the

s o u n d is Baggy w i t h n o t - o u t - o f - p l a c e flute flourishes. The fact r e m a i n s . Y o u ' l l love it!

This is a c h a n g e f r o m w h a t y o u w o u l d n o r m a l l y e x p e c t t o hear f r o m T h e r a p y . It is q u i t e quirky

Radiator - Resistor

a n d m u c h m o r e p o p p y t h a n their usual heavy

Y o u ' r e first hit by the p o u n d i n g b a c k i n g s e c t i o n w h o s e b e a t s are s o r h y t h m i c they c o u l d a l m o s t have b e e n r e c o r d e d b a c k w a r d s . T h e n it's a c o n stant battle b e t w e e n a scary v o i c e r e p e a t e d l y s h o u t i n g the w o r d s ' A r i s e ' a n d ' R e s i s t o r ' like s o m e kind of futuristic d i c t a t o r ; a n d a heartfelt m e l o d y of 'I've b e e n so a r o u s e d ' . Gets y o u jiving.

¬¬²³´µ¶·¸¬µ¹ ¯

thrash ° ± guitar

headlong

a n d it's n o t a d i s t o r t e d

rush

common

their

last

a l b u m . A very d i s a p p o i n t i n g c o m e b a c k r e l e a s e . Willliam - Tired of

Fucking

W h a t a l o a d of t r a s h . This s o u n d s like the f o r m e r Jesus &. M a r y C h a i n m e m b e r W i l l i a m R e i d has just g o n e into a s t u d i o a n d s t a r t e d s t r u m m i n g his guitar. If y o u w a n t t o k n o w w h a t l o - f i is, just

Glamourous Hooligan - Stoned Island Estate A n uplifting m i x t u r e of b i g beat a n d p o l i t i c a l regg a e w i t h a n o l d style ' h a p p y h a r d c o r e '

pulse

r u n n i n g t h r o u g h it. T he lyricist o b v i o u s ; y feels p a s s i o n a t e l y a b o u t his subject but ther e s e e m s t o be l a c k i n g in this s o n g , w h i c h w o u l d p r o b a b l y s o u n d best w h i l s t c l u b b i n g . CI

MUSIC

13 March 1 ¿¿ 8

RIP far it s o u n d s like h e ain't all a b o u t T h u g Life a n d has s o m e i n t r o s p e c t i v e s o n g s w i t h a w i d e range JMUUUMJM^ o f subject matter. T h e tracks of T u p a c Shakur, Biggie's d e a t h • ^ • • H H H H B H «•:' Hfajare s u p p o s e d t o be b a n g i n ' . w a s t h e last t h i n g h i p h o p Speaking of Death R o w , needed. M o s t people t h o u g h t | M B B B B B B r ? f e ^ they have b e e n d r o p p e d by it was s o m e sort of revenge for Interscope d u e to pressure ÀÁ Â Ã Ä i 2Pac, truth is, w e will never k n o w t h e true r e a s o n s f o r t h e Å Æ Ç S •V'..$!IWfr)fc. • f r o m 5 0 % s t a k e h o l d e r S e a g r a m . H [ [ * N W P B W y S e a g r a m c l a i m e d that D e a t h deaths of either r a p stars. R o w w e r e p r o v i d i n g a b a d influj ij^jjffjl mm Biggie's d e a t h w a s d e s c r i b e d ÍÎ Ì e n c e to c h i l d r e n w i t h 'gangsta by m a n y as t h e e n d o f a n era, rap'. This c o m i n g f r o m a c o m I B but Puffy has m a n a g e d t o k e e p g P*K p a n y that p r o d u c e a l c o h o l ! the Biggie t h a n g g o i n g e v e n |§|||' * * S u g e r Knight, t h e i n c a r c e r a t e d t h o u g h t h e b i g m a n is a f e w ÈÉÉÉÊË . feet u n d e r . The q u e s t i o n u have t o ask is has h i p C E O o f D e a t h R o w R e c o r d s , s a i d that they will h o p g o n e a n y w h e r e - t h e a n s w e r is n o . T h e sign a p r o j e c t - b y - p r o j e c t d i s t r i b u t i o n d e a l w i t h a w o r l d h a s g o n e s a m p l i n g m a d , Puffy a n d h i s major d i s t r i b u t i o n c o m p a n y . There are r u m o u r s , s a m p l e r rule, is Puffy h i p h o p o r just p o p , w h o t h o u g h , that w i t h all o f t h e legal troubles o f D e a t h R o w , Suge Knight will f o r m a n e w c o m p a knows? M a k e ya o w n mind up. O n a single tip I g o t t a m e n t i o n the return o f ny but it s h o u l d b e bu s i n e s s a s u s u a l .

It's b e e n a l m o s t a y e a r s i n c e the d e a t h o f Biggie Smalls, aka C h r i s t o p h e r W a l l a c e . A f t e r t h e loss

^^•^SS^fl^ff

the original first lady o f s o u l A r e t h a Franklin, s h e ' s b e e n o u t o f c i r c u l a t i o n for a w h i l e but n o w she's back w i t h A Rose is Still A Rose. The p r o d u c t i o n a n d w r i t i n g b o t h c o m e f r o m M s Lauryn Hill (from The Fugees) a n d she w o r k s her m a g i c to p e r f e c t i o n t o b r i n g us this w i c k e d t u n e . R e l e a s e d a t e f o r t h e a l b u m i s still t o b e a n n o u n c e d . Talking about release dates, t h e R e d m a n joint h a s b e e n p u t back, this w o z s u p p o s e to get a release at the b a c k e n d o f last year, but n o . I've b e e n w a i t i n g for this s i n c e 1 hear Roni Size is d o i n g s o m e o f the p r o d u c t i o n , t h a t ' s right heavy, heavy b e a t s . S n o o p D o g g y D o g g h a s his o w n r e c o r d label now, a l t h o u g h I a m not sure w h a t is g o i n g o n a s he still has a c o n t r a c t w i t h D e a t h R o w R e c o r d s to p r o d u c e a r o u n d 5 m o r e a l b u m s . S n o o p appears o n the Caught U p soundtrack reunited w i t h e x - D o g g P o u n d r a p p e r Kurupt, a n d a p p e a r s courtesy o f his D o g g H o u s e R e c o r d s . I have h e a r d there is a m i x - t a p e g o i n g around in Philadelphia entitled M a k a v e l i 2 and contains many unreleased 2Pac songs. Death R o w c o n f i r m e d t h e y are his s o n g s a n d m o s t o f t h e m a r e likely t o a p p e a r o n t h e u p c o m i n g Outlawz Immortalz album, d u e out o n Death Row. O u t l a w z I m m o r t a l z m e m b e r Fatal H u s s e i n , c o u s i n o f T u p a c , will release his a l b u m , a n d s o

Phat Selection Too Close - Next W i c k e d track f r o m the a l b u m R a t e d N e x t Royalty - Gang Starr feat K - C i 8>. Jojo Guru a n d P r e m i e r d o their n o r m a l high class thing w h i l s t J o d e c i b o y s K - C i a n d Jojo h o o k u p for the R & B bit Who Am I - Beenie M a n Tune, p e o p l e b e g o i n g m a d for this o n the floor a n d e v e n in the charts How Can I Get Over You (remix)- Taral Funked u p v e r s i o n utilising T o t a l ' s ' N o - O n e Else' a n d L u n i z 'I g o t 5 O n It', a d e f i n i t e floor filler. O h , d i d I m e n t i o n LL h e l p s o u t t o o ?

M o r e T u p a c n e w s . . . a p p a r e n t l y A f e n i Shakur, his m o t h e r , has d r o p p e d the c a s e against D e a t h R o w R e c o r d s after over 1 0 0 o f his u n r e l e a s e d s o n g s w e r e g i v e n over t o h e r . A l s o , T u p a c ' s father w a s s u i n g his e s t a t e for half his m o n e y but the c a s e w a s t h r o w n o u t a s h e h a d hardly b e e n in ' P a c ' s life a n d o n l y c o n t r i b u t e d a r o u n d $ 2 0 his w h o l e life!!! G r e e d y huh? C h e c k this o u t for g r e e d y . . . C . D e l o r e s Tucker, forever c a m p a i g n ing against g n a g s t a r a p , w a s s u i n g T u p a c ' s e s t a t e for d a m a g e s t o her sex life after the s o n g s How Do You Want It a n d Wonda Why They Call ÒÓÔ U ÏÐ Ñ The former contains the rhyme ' C . D e l o r e s Tucker y o u a motherfucker/Instead o f t r y i n g t o h e l p a nigga y o u d e s t r o y a b r o t h a ' . The other s o n g is actually telling a y o u n g girl w h o is selling her b o d y t o give it u p a n d g o t o s c h o o l a n d m a k e s o m e t h i n g o f herself. Ô Milen Õ Roni

1 to u m

Jnttr Ö A -At il - Boy/ II Men Trie story g o e s a little .sumtin' like this : i n the early nineties, four g u y s f r o m Phiily d e c i d e d t o get to ge th e r a n d voila, w e have the m u l t i - p l a t '• i i I . i g r o u p B o y z l i M e n . Their d o d g y afro's a n d p r e p p i e c l o t h e s m a y n o t a p p e a l t o all but o n e things for sure, t h e y c a n s i n g . . . . a n d s i n g real weil t o o as d e m o n s t r a t e d o n this, their s o p h o m o r e set, released in 1 9 9 4 . C o l l a b o r a t i o n s w i t h t h e likes o f D a l l a s A u s t i n , j i m m y j a m &. Terry L e w i s a n d the p r o d u c t i o n master Babyface l e d t o four hit singles Ø ÙÚ - the ballads I'll Make × to You (the biggest selling single in A m e r i c a o f ali time). Water ÚÛÜÚÜ Runs Dry a n d On Ï Knee as well as t h e s p u n k y Thank You. Virtually every cut o n the o n the alburn has quality w r i t t e n all over it, notably Þßàá â Ý a n d t h e Brain M c K n i g h t p e n n e d Tallin'. Tight m e l o d i e s , incredible h a r m o n i e s , (check the a c c a p e i i a Yesterday if y o u d i s a g r e e ) . S h a w n , N a t e , W a n y a a n d M i c h a e l are clearly the best R ' n ' B g r o u p o u t there. A c c e p t n o w a t e r e d d o w n substitutes this is the real d e a l , y'all. Gloria 1

ãä'

I i

LL Cool J

å LL C o o l J is p o s s i b l y t h e m o s t r e c o g n i s e d rap artist i n t h e w o r l d t o d a y , at t h e Y age o f 2 8 his list o f a c c o m p l i s h m e n t s s e e m t o o l o n g for o n e s o y o u n g : 2 - t i m e G r a m m y A award winner, six consecutive platinum selling a l b u m s , star o f hit t e l e v i s i o n s h o w , film actor, author, father a n d h u s b a n d . S o m e call h i m the u n d i s p u t e d king o f h i p - h o p , m a y b e t h a t ' s a little t o o m u c h , but h e ' s certainly a h i p h o p s e n s a t i o n . L L is d o i n ' it a n d d o i n ' it a n d d o i n ' it w e l l .

LL w a s b o r n J a m e s T o d d S m i t h , b u t before l o n g he h a d c r e a t e d his o w n s t a g e n a m e LL C o o l J, a n d a c r o n y m for " L a d i e s L o v e C o o l J a m e s " . At 9 h e w a s r a p p i n g a n d at 13 h a d already p r o d u c e d n u m e r o u s d e m o s , h e sent off t a p e after t a p e i n h o p e o f a r e c o r d i n g c o n t r a c t , t h e only label to respond was the t h e n tiny Def Jam. LL hit the s c e n e in 1984, at the age of 16 he was the first artist to release a single o n t h e n o w legendary label çè éê The f o l l o w i n g y e a r s a w Def Jam, / Need A æ h i m release his first a l b u m , d e s c r i b e d by the critics a s the m o s t original a l b u m o f the t i m e Radio. S u d d e n l y LL w a s thrust into t h e p u b l i c eye a n d the f o l l o w i n g s u m m e r h e w e n t o n tour w i t h t h e biggest r a p p e r s , Run D M C . H i s s e c o n d set t o o k Úí a w h i l e t o hit t h e streets b u t Ïëìì and Deffer d i d n ' t d i s a p p o i n t , at t h e s a m e t i m e he also Ø ÙÚÔ d e l i v e r e d t h e hit single / Need Your × LL's profile w a s large. L L ' s 1 9 8 9 a l b u m Walking With a Panther w a s c o n s i d e r e d by m o s t as the w o r s t t h i n g h e h a d ever d o n e a n d there w a s talk that LL h a d lost it. This talk w a s q u i c k l y d i s m i s s e d w i t h his next a l b u m w h e n h e g o t together with M a r l e y M a r l f o r t h e hugely s u c c e s s f u l Mama Said Knock You îï Ñð this s e t r e - e s t a b l i s h e d LL in ò ÜÔ the h i p h o p w o r l d . Mama ñ ë ð featured the íôð w i c k e d Around The Way óë a top ten smash, LL w o n his first G r a m m y for Best Rap S o l o . 1 9 9 3 ØöÚð s a w the release o f 14 Shots to the õ this w a s real w e a k i n c o m p a r i s o n t o his previous effort, but still r e a c h e d p l a t i n u m , t o m a k e it five ö Ó in a r o w for h i m . N e x t u p w a s Mr ñ ë Ñ ð this feaØ ÙÚíð t u r e d t h e classic Hey × this s o n g featured the v o c a l styling o f R&JB g r o u p B o y z II M e n . Hey ùúû e n d e d u p b e i n g o n e o f the biggest tunes ÷ø LL h a d ever m a d e a n d also g a v e h i m his s e c o n d G r a m m y a w a r d . A l o n g w i t h Hey .. t h e Ø Û Ûü a l b u m also f e a t u r e d Doin' It a n d × ï ìë ð all t h e s e w e n t t o m a k i n g Mr Smith L L ' s biggest selling a l b u m t o d a t e . L L ' s latest o f f e r i n g is Phenomenon this is n o t in t h e ö Ó class o f Mr ñ ë Ñ ð but LL has high h o p e s for the singles after they g e t t h e r e m i x treatment. Milen

13 March

þþ 8 ý

MUSIC

COMPETITION STATE O F THE NU-ART VOL.2 (BluePIanet Rec)

tate Of The Nu-Art are back bigger and better t h a n before, and five of you have got the chance to win, not only State of the Nu-art Vol.2 but you'll also get a copy of V o l . 1 . For t h o s e of y o u that d o n ' t w i n n o w get a d o u b l e C D or q u a d r u p l e vinyl for y o u r m o n e y . B l u e p l a n e t records c o m i n g o u t o f G e r m a n y have g a t h e r e d t o g e t h e r a c o m p r e hensive c o l l e c t i o n of w o r k s , c o v e r ing all styles of e l e c t r o n i c m u s i c (hip-hop, d o w n b e a t , funky dub, up-tempo cyber-funk, techno and d r u m ' n ' bass). This all a d d s u p t o a highly original, d e e p a n d e x t r e m e l y funky a l b u m .

C D . 1 Digital T r u t h , g e t the journey u n d e r w a y w i t h s m o o t h strings,

a s a m p l e f r o m w h a t s o u n d s like W a r of the W o r l d s , d o w n t e m p o be a t s a n d s o m e ruff s c r a t c h i n g . T h e s e C D s aren't m i x e d but y o u hatdly n o t i c e as they are s o w e l l a r r a n g e d , real c o h e s i o n b e t w e e n tracks they just roll into o n e a n o t h er. Paradox-Daylight Robbery is a track that I instantly fell in love with, a vocal sample most should r e c o g n i s e , that w o r k s s o s o w e l l w i t h the r u g g e d ' n ' r a w beats. B l a c k b e a n sauce-Sfrefc/? is a n o u t ' n ' o u t rap h i p - h o p as is The Next Wavelength but in a totally different style. It is a m a z i n g the a m o u n t of styles featured here, s h o w i n g the true strength in d e p t h this m u s i c has. Also

out

standing tracks

M u n g - L a Cream da la Cream s u p e r b b e n d y bass t o n e a n d the w a y the track builds is pure g e n i u s . M a r c W i l l i a m s - T / ie Return of the Prodigal Son raises the t e m p o w i t h a intelligent, funky rolling d r u m ' n ' bass track, w i c k e d horns, c o o l film s a m p l e a n d h a r d ' n ' fast c h o p p i n g beats. The final three tracks k e e p w i t h the d r u m ' n ' bass licks. The s e c o n d is m o r e d e e p no orientated often with a t e m p o p a c e , w i t h tracks by s u c h as Air L i q u i d , J a m m i n ' Dr. W a l k e r , a n d A t o m i c D o g .

techdown artists Unit,

break ' n ' beat is there for a r e a s o n, m e t i c u l o u s a t t e n t i o n to d e t a i l . A n d I positive many many hours were s p e n t p r o g r a m m i n g t h e s e essential p i e c e s of listen t o p e r f e c t i o n . W i t h tracks c o v e r i n g every s u b- ge n r e of e l e c t r o n i c m u s i c I c a n think of a n d then s o m e . A treat for the m u s i c a l conn o i s s e u r a n d the o p e n m i n d e d . Now to win your very own copy of not only vol.2, but vol.1 as well is tell me what country BluePIanet records are coming out of: A. Finland

This is m u s i c for the m i n d , m u s i c for the t h i n k i n g m a n / w o m a n . W h e r e every track has b e e n m a d e for the love of the m u s i c , not c o m m e r c i a l g a i n . W h e r e every single

B. Wales C . Germany. Entry as normal, t.j. morgan, ic.ac.uk.

s t a n d a r d d r u m &. bass t o y o u a n d m e . By that I d o not m e a n to i m p l y unoriginal ot not c u t t i n g ed ge m a t e r i a l , but unlike the first C D it d o e s n ' t e x p l o r i n g just o n e style t o the m a x .

as e a c h track is s o different a n d so s t r o n g , t h e r e ' s n o real r u n n i n g t h e m e . W h e n y o u think about it m o s t o t h e r D8J3 a l b u m s b e i n g r e l e a s e d to d a t e are ether a c o m p i lation o f v a r i o u s artists, or feature a lot of r e m i x e d o l d m a t e r i a l as well as n e w . V e r y f e w s i n g l e artist a l b u m s h a v e f e a t u r e d 21 tracks w i t h the majority b e i n g totally n e w m a t e r i a l . The m a n is a g e n i u s .

E-mail JP

JOHN B ÿ

S (New Direction) • • • • •

his d e b u t a l b u m f r o m J o h n B is a g a i n in t h a t j a z z D&J5 fusion style w h i c h is c o m i n g on s t r o n g recently. Y o u get t w o C D s (Organic c o v e r the j a z z e x p e r i e n c e a n d Synthetic w h i c h c o v e r s m o r e n o r m a l D & B ) or a v e r y nice vinyl b o x set for y o u r m o n e y .

s t r u c t e d s u p e r b l y , w i t h John c l a s s i c a l t r a i n i n g s h i n i n g t h r o u g h the p r o d u c t i o n s , w h i c h ate full of funk. The jazz influences are v e r y p r o m i n e n t , but not s o m u c h as t o put off an o p e n m i n d e d d r u m &. b a s s f a n . S o m e of the i n s p i r e d p i e c e s o f w o r k are Sessions 2. I've never h e a r d a t r u m p e t s o u n d s o g o o d , a n d it s o u n d as if it c o u l d be r e c r e a t e d u s i n g live just instrum e n t s ? but still tetains a very funky jacking d r u m b a s s track. Slam Funk ( m o o g mix) a n d Sessions 1, a a w e s o m e c o l l e g e of beats a n d live i n s t r u m e n t s a n d w h e n it d r o p s in y o u k n o w all a b o u t it. Future funk in full effect.

C D 1 . Organic is a full o n jazz D&£ affair that I have t o say is c o n -

C D 2 . Synthetic is d e s c r i b e d as a harder a n a l o g u e tip w h i c h is just

The Man Behind The Music

This C D is m i x e d to p e r f e c t i o n c o m b i n i n g t e n tracks all c r e a t e d by t h e o n e m a n . Starburst s e t s off w i t h an intro that c o u l d be f r o m C h a r i o t s of Fire t h e n it p a n s o u t to be a t o p n o t i c e roller. This is o n e o f the things I love a b o u t D8J5 is that their are n o rules, y o u c a n use any s o u n d or s a m p l e y o u like as l o n g as it w o r k s . This is so i m p r e s s i v e , it c o u l d be a s t a n d a r d set y o u ' d hear in a club or m i x e d C D y o u w o u l d never g u e s s that all this is o n e m a n s w o r k

S o m a n y styles are c o v e r e d here. The jazz element being e x p l o r e d t o the o u te r limits, dark m e n a c i n g n u m b e r s , futuristic stepp e r s , intelligent c r a z y kutt u p break beats. S o by the l o o k s of it this is o n e of t h o s e m u s t have p i e c e s of w o r k , that'll be t a l k e d a b o u t a n d p l a y e d for y e a r s t o c o m e . JP

GARAGE H Life Feat. Da Scat Cat. Lifeguard (Suth Based Prod.) M i d M a r c h . It's b e e n a w h i l e s i n c e the last release f r o m the fairly n e w H i - L i f e , a n d this latest o f f e r i n g c o u l d w e l l put t h e m c e n t r e stage, w i t h the recent t r e n d t o w a r d s "The S m o o t h G r o o v e " . W i t h theit trademark soulful licks, s u b - b a s s t o n e s , clever keys a n d t h o s e p o w e r f u l v o c a l s from D a Scat C a t it's sure t o be b i g in the c l u bs . W i t h m i x e s t o suit d u b m o n s t e r s a n d classic v o c a l styles.

R B M . Strong Loving EP. (Ripe n' Ready) O u t Now. Quality vocal and dub/speed g a r a g e m i x e s o n this o n e . The be a t s ' n ' b a s s roll a l o n g b e h i n d p r o m i n e n t keys a n d a fine female v o c a l o n the m o r e v o c a l m i x e s . The o n e I've b e e n p l a y i n g is t h e dubby/speed mix, w h e r e the rolls are r e v e r s e d , s t r o n g s o l i d beats, stabs of keys a n d a cut ' n ' l o o p e d v o c a l w i t h a s u b - b a s s that is w o r t h the w a i t . G u a r a n t e e d to k e e p the floor m o v i n g , but the v o c a l c a n be a bit repetitive a n d a n n o y i n g o n heavy listening.

DRUM 'IM' RASS Primary Motive. Venom (Creative Source) M i d march

S m o o t h c h o p p e d up beats roll a n d build over w h a t s o u n d s like u n d e r water atmosphericals and whale calls ' n ' sonar s o u n d s , t h e n in d r o p s the d e e p bass t o n e s , c o m p l e t i n g the s e a s c a p e in y o u r m i n d . The imaginatively titled S has very cleverly arranged beats, difficult t o explain with d r e a m y keys and a t m o s . a n d suttle t o u c h e s of sax and ahh ahh female vocal blend into the beats. A n o t h e r first class offering f r o m this label that never c e a s e s to i m p r e s s m e .

Chemical Pilot. (Eruption) Astral Dominoes (mixes) March. Y o u get r e m i x e s by D e c o d e r , M a t t S c h w a r z a n d P r o f o u n d N o i z e , all t o a very different e n d results. D e c o d e r s m i x g i v e it a Krust sort of full length roll o u t , nice use of m o r s e c o d e s o u n d s , t o u g h beats w i t h a n u n - i n t r u s i v e dark w a h w a h bassline. M a t t m i x is m u c h m o r e in y a f a c e , fast hectic beats, t i m e s t r e t c h e s . P r o f o u n d N o i z e funk u p the beats, s t r o n g bassline. If y o u like a t o u c h of d a r k n e s s n o w ' n ' t h e n , a n d s o m e t h i n g a little different it's w e l l w o r t h h u n t i n g d o w n .

MUSIC

3 March

the eheetne cafie H e l l o a n d w e l c o m e t o a n o t h e r e d i t i o n of t h e

c o u l d have b e e n nice to have a better c h i l l - o u i t

Electric C a f e . H o p e y o u ' r e all d o i n g w e l l . H o t o n t h e heels of the M r C i n t e r v i e w last w e e k , l o o k o u t for f o r t h c o m i n g f e a t u r e s o n t h e

c o m p e t i t i o n s s o y o u c a n get in for free!

area, but that is just a m i n o r niggle!

W e ' r e r u n n i n g t h r e e c o m p e t i t i o n s for free

Arriving s o o n after m i d n i g h t , I f o u n d

the

CDs!

The first o n e is for a c o p y of the latest

stars of

p l a c e w a s still w a r m i n g u p . This w a s g o i n g t o be

a l b u m o n R e a c t R e c o r d s , a n d the latest c h a p t e r

German electronic music, including interviews

a l o n g night! The c o n c e p t of t h e club w a s t o get

in t h e Dope

with

creating

as m a n y DJs as p o s s i b l e t o play for a set a m o u n t

best in b l u n t e d b e a t s , d o w n b e a t funk a n d h i p -

drum'n'bass

of t i m e . The i d e a w a s t o k e e p a v a r i e d a n d fresh

hop. D o n ' t miss out! H e r e ' s the question.

Fauna

Flash,

Shockwaves

who

o n the

have

been

international

scene; M i c h a e l Reinboth, w h o owns Germany's

s o u n d t h r o u g h o u t the night. 1 think that

coolest

w o r k e d . I t h o u g h t b e f o r e h a n d that an h o u r - l o n g

Stapleton

set w o u l d be t o o short for m a n y DJs, but 1 d o

Bristolian

experimental

Compost

Records

electronic/jazz

and

also

DJs

label

regularly

this

on Plastic Series.

This features the

Dope on Plastic Five was mixed by DJ |ohn from

Bristol.

Which

drum'n'bass

artist

famous recently

v e n u e s s u c h as the Blue N o t e in L o n d o n ; a n d

r e s p e c t C r a i g for t r y i n g a n e w c o n c e p t that g o e s

received a Mercury Mu s ic Award for his work

also Ingmar K o c h f r o m A ir L i q u i d e , w h o have

against the g r a i n . G i v i n g e a c h DJ a d e a d l i n e t o

with Reprazent?

moments

s p a r k off the c r o w d led t o a s e n s e of urgency in

and also c o m m a n d lots of r e s p e c t in the u n d e r -

p r o d u c e d s o m e of m y finest t e c h n o

m a n y sets. There w e r e n o l o n g b u i l d - u p s , e a c h

ground scene.

s p i n n e r g o t straight t o the point a n d really let

Firstly,

I wanted

thank

everyone

t h e m u s i c d o the talking.

who

c a m e d o w n t o the first ever Electric C a f e m u s i c

Two

night a c o u p l e of T h u r s d a y s a g o . It really w a s an

r o o m s w e r e p u m p i n g o u t the g r o o v e s

all night. The back room w a s t h e perfect s e t t i n g

event that

t r a n s f o r m e d S o u t h s i d e d i s c o . The

for c o m p l e t e t e c h n o m a y h e m . V e r y m i n i m a l a n d

atmosphere

w a s very friendly a n d r e l a x e d . I

r h y t h m i c . The s e t t i n g w a s dark a n d s m o k e y . The

think the

concept

of m a k i n g it into

another

m u s i c w a s g o o d if y o u like h a r d t e c h n o . J a m e s

drinking area w h e r e y o u c a n chill o u t a n d chat

Ruskin

pounding

the

t o p e o p l e w o r k e d really w e l l . I p l a y e d f r o m 7 p m

c r o w d into a frenzy. H o w e v e r , player of

the

t o 1 1 p m , a n d a w h o l e range of m u s i c a l styles

night in the m a i n r o o m h a d t o be C r a i g T h o m a s .

were covered.

This w a s his night, a n d I w a s in a w e of his set.

If y o u c o u l d n ' t m a k e it t o t h e last o n e , w e are g o i n g t o m a k e t h e s e a regular feature

d i d an

admirable

job,

i c o n G a r y N u m a n . H i s by n o w a n t h e m i c Cars a n d tracks s u c h as Films a n d Are 'Friends'

m a d e h i m into a household name. N o w t h e s e tracks are back, but in a n e w s h a p e and f o r m . S o m e of the h o t t e s t t e c h n o artists of t h e m o m e n t have t a k e n a G a r y N u m a n Track a n d r e m i x e d it. N a m e s i n c l u d e Robert A r m a n i , Claude Young, Dave Clarke, Alex Hazzard and Dave Angel. Here's h o w y o u c o u l d win a c o p y o n C D that has actually b e e n s i g n e d by Gary N u m a n himself! The track Cars was

allnight, y e t it d i d n ' t c o m p r o m i s e the

advertised? (a) C a r s (b) The A A or (c) lager?

The m u s i c r e p r e s e n t e d

Y o u m a y r e m e m b e r that 1 w a s t a l k i n g a b o u t

was

City in m y c o l u m n a c o u p l e of w e e k s a g o . It actually t o o k p l a c e last w e e k e n d o n S a t u r d a y 7th M a r c h at T he C a m d e n Island M a r k e t . I w a s lucky e n o u g h t o be able t o c heck out t h e event for m y s e l f . A f t e r t a k i n g a lot of stick, t e c h n o has b e e n g o i n g t h r o u g h a b a d p a t c h lately. DJ C r a i g T h o m a s a n d his friends d e c i d e d t o put o n this e v e n t t o p r o v e o n c e a n d for all that t e c h n o is n o t d e a d , a n d is as m u s i cally significant as any o t h e r style p r e s e n t t o d a y .

atmos-

the

First of all, I have t o say that I w a s really

being

h o u s i e r s i d e of t e c h n o .

Some

very

J e r o m e hails f r o m Paris a n d is a t h o r o u g h b r e d

r h y t h m i c a n d g r o o v y tracks kept a very friendly

DJ in the g l o b a l h o u s e c o m m u n i t y . H e m a d e his

c r o w d s m i l i n g all night. A l l t h e DJs p l a y e d real-

n a m e by p l a y i n g s o m e really m e l l o w a n d soulful

ly e x p r e s s i v e , quality sets of m u s i c ; n o n e m o r e -

house

s o t h a n M a r k D a l e . M a r k is the brother of o n e of

g r o o v e s t h r o u g h o u t . This m i x is c o m p l e t e l y rep-

music and

injecting

plenty of

funkier

m y m u s i c a l h e r o e s , C o l i n D ale a n d is also a very

resentative of his style a n d features t h e w o r k of

highly r e s p e c t e d DJ. I have s e e n h i m play t w i c e

artists s u c h as DJ S n e a k , M o o d II S w i n g , Kevin

at n o w . O n c e w a s o n the m a i n floor of The E n d

Y o s t a n d M i k e H u c k a b y . I really d o rate this mix,

at a n o l d Deep

s o grab y o u c h a n c e t o w i n a c o p y .

A l l in all, e v e r y o n e I c a m e into c o n t a c t w i t h

Analog City\ If y o u m i s s e d out this t i m e r o u n d t h e n y o u c a n c a t c h it every m o n t h at the C a m d e n Island M a r k e t . The Electric C a f e will be r u n n i n g future had

p r o b l e m a n d I never felt j o s t l e d or c r a m p e d . It

product

a l b u m f r o m French h o u s e DJ J e r o m e P a c m a n .

and layout w a s i n t e r e s t i n g as b o t h d a n c e floors a n d y o u have t o p a s s t h r o u g h

the

room

M a r k e t is v e r y c l e a n a n d s p a c i o u s . The d e s i g n

o n r e t o get t o the o t h e r . S o m e h o w this w a s n ' t a

What was

Finally, w e have c o p i e s of a ver e x c i t i n g n e w

in the o t h e r

Space party w h e r e he p l a y e d h a r d a n d h a d the c r o w d s c r e a m i n g for m o r e . This w e e k e n d he p l a y e d a very different set that had the s a m e effect! T e c h n o DJs aren't v e r s a tile? I d o n ' t think s o !

i m p r e s s e d w i t h the v e n u e . T he C a m d e n Island

commercial .

19th M a r c h (in less t h a n a w e e k ) . a club c a l l e d Analog

recently used on

It w a s by far the funkiest t h i n g t o hit that r o o m p h e r e or l o o s e the c r o w d at all.

S o u t h s i d e . The next o n e will be o n T h u r s d a y

are c o n n e c t e d

T he s e c o n d g i v e a w a y is a n e w C D f r o m 8 0 ' s pop

a great night o u t s o w e l l d o n e t o

Name stormed Homework

the the

Parisian Pop

album

dance

outfit

charts

with

and

spate of

last

who year's

singles

including D a Funk. A n s w e r s to

all c o m p e t i t i o n s

by e m a i l

a.sethi@ic.ac.uk. H a v e a great w e e k ! See y o u o n T h u r s d a y at Southside!

alxk.

IT'S A L O N D O N THING I No.4 Club

s Hall Kingston.

his is S c o t t G a r c i a ' s n e w a n d

d o w i t h it, y o u c a n just chill in y a

seating

only L o n d o n residence,

jeans a n d trainers.

f r o m it all a n d chill, quite a f e w bars

every

Friday y o u c a n c a t c h the m a n

dropping

the

choicest

cuts

underground/"speed" garage.

expected

Club was and

the

w o u l d n ' t call classy.

K i n g s t o n is a little o u t o f t o w n

a d d s t o the

bigger t h a n 1

get

away

this w e e k , this is fast b e c o m i n g a night not t o be m i s s e d .

t h e y w e r e w e l l s t a f f e d , but it

W h e n I w a s speaking t o Scott,

you

still t o o k a g e s t o get a drink I a n d

he t o l d m e , " w h a t w e have d o n e is

But this just

ther e is e v e n a cafe in their w h a t

m a k e it like a c l u b w h e r e 1 w o u l d

more could y o u want.

w a n t t o g o , a n d w e r e g e t t i n g their

decot,

u n d e r g r o u n d feel ' n '

and

places

v i b e this club has. There are plenty

W e g o t d o w n ther e just in t i m e

it's g o t the v i b e , it just n e e d s the

e x p l a i n e d that they w a n t e d t o get

of classy joints in t o w n if y o u w a n t

t o c a t c h S c o t t &. M c Styles d o i n g

t r i m m i n g s " a n d it's not as if he is

o u t o f t h e c e n t r e o f t o w n as t h e r e is

w h a t sort of t h i n g . But f e w w i t h a

their t h i n g a n d they d i d n ' t d i s a p -

l a c k i n g in e x p e r i e n c e after p r o m o t -

t o m u c h a t t i t u d e , y o u get a better

true u n d e r g r o u n d feel, it r e m i n d e d

p o i n t , s h o w i n g that he is not just a

ing the S W 1 c l u b for a y e a r .

vibe o u t of t o w n . I have t o a g r e e

m e of the sort of w a r e h o u s e

big

w i t h h i m after a t t e n d i n g t h e night a

o f years g o n e by.

but

when

I spoke

Scott

No.4

and

f e w w e e k s back. The lack of a d r e s s c o d e m i g h t a l s o be s o m e t h i n g

raves

name

p r o d u c e r that

puts

his

S o this is w e l l w o r t h a little trek

n a m e t o a club, he is a shit h o t D j

o u t of t o w n t o e x p e r i e n c e t h e true

T h e r e ' s a n a d e q u a t e lighting rig,

in his o w n right. A n d w i t h g u e s t DJs

flavour

a b o o m i n g s o u n d s y s t e m , plenty of

s u c h as N o r r i s D a B o s s W i n d r o s s

garage.

underground

/speed Public

IC RADIO

17 Y O U ' R E R E A D I N G IC R A D I O

3 March

(!!)

IC Radio has a sexy n e w logo!!!! A n o t h e r w e e k , a n o t h e r Felix, a n o t h -

area, w h o ' s c o n t r i b u t i o n t o t a l l e d a

er A l l N e w IC R a d i o Page™. This

p a t h e t i c z e r o . N i c e o n e kids.

w e e k I've actually g o t s o m e t h i n g

W i t h the quality o f entries b e i n g

really i m p o r t a n t t o talk a b o u t , s e e -

s o high, it w a s e x t r e m e l y h a r d t o

ing as last w e e k h e r a l d e d t h e e n d

pick a w i n n e r . W e eventually nar-

of t h e f a b u l o u s l y

spanking

logo

exceptional

entries

Richard

For t h o s e w h o a r e b o t h b l i n d

Dempers

and deaf, o r t h o s e w h o have never

However,

before v e n t u r e d o u t s i d e t h e c o n -

a n n o u n c e d live o n air o n T h u r d a y

fines o f their r o o m , 1 will e x p l a i n .

d u r i n g John C ' s l u n c h t i m e s h o w t o

The l o g o c o m p e t i t i o n w a s l a u n c h e d

be Tony Broomfield.

ages

a g o n o w , s u p p o r t e d by a n

a n d Alastair Warman. the

winner

was

T o n y r e c e i v e d his a w a r d at a

advertising blitz o f a s c a l e s o h u g e

secret

that

A m e r i c a , a n d m y s t e r i o u s l y in 1 9 9 4 .

it h a s o n l y

passed

ever

been

by t h e l a u n c h

' • •••-„•.

r o w e d it d o w n t o a s h o r t list, w i t h

competition.

sur-

of a n e w

venue

somewhere

In a n e m o t i o n a l a c c e p t a n c e s p e a c h

Tony shows off a little cup we

(only

he s a i d "I just like t o t h a n k e v e r y -

knocked up to a jubilant crowd.

bec aus e t h e c o u n c i l r e f u s e d t o let

o n e for v o t i n g for m e . C h e e r s . Just

Michael

Jackson

album

us float a t w o h u n d r e d f o o t r e p l i c a of t h e r a d i o Thames).

station

Since

be p r o u d of.

down the

have h a d loads o f entries

as well I t h o u g h t t o w e a r a Brazil

In session this week.

kit, e h ? "

W e w e r e all lined u p t o be r e c o r d -

t h e n t h e entries

w h i c h is w i c k e d . Its a b i g fuck off to

As the standard of entries w a s

ing a n i n t e r v i e w w i t h the B l u e t o n e s

have b e e n f l o o d i n g i n , r e s u l t i n g in

t h o s e w h o a c c u s e us IC s t u d e n t s o f

s o high, all s h o r t l i s t e d entries will

this w e e k , b u t R a d i o O n e s t e p p e d

the d e s t r u c t i o n o f a c r e s o f t r o p i c a l

b e i n g a p a t h e t i c , a l t h o u g h t h e fact

be d i s p l a y e d in t h e R a d i o s t a t i o n

in at t h e last m i n u t e a n d d e c i d e d

rainforest, a n d t h e d e a t h s o f t h o u -

that t h e p r i z e w a s £ 5 0 o f m u s i c

for

Entrants a r e

that t h e y w a n t e d t h e m . S o , if any-

sands

small

fluffy

o n e w e e k only.

animals.

m i g h t have s o m e t h i n g t o d o w i t h it.

m o r e t h a n w e l c o m e t o c o l l e c t their

o n e w a n t s t o b o y c o t t R a d i o O n e in

H o w e v e r , t h e effort h a s b e e n w o r t h

Entries f r o m Imperial p i s s e d o v e r

entries f r o m t h e s t a t i o n after t h e n .

the n a m e of student radio,

it, as n o w IC R a d i o has a l o g o it c a n

entries f r o m o t h e r c o l l e g e s in t h e

Crabb

WEEKLY SCHEDULE g 24 hours a day to the JCR and across campus on

!"#$%#&'()

***+

Student Radio Network Chart

The Replicants Hogwash

12 -1

, iJ ijSBlfi

Gareth

:;<

If if,

......

e week •

fcencer's

•

i •

>?@

Young Offenders =

(Columbia)

Revolving (Fire)

poich of random

Libido

Mark

Montrose Ave Where Do I Stand

(Columbia)

A l a b a m a 3 Ain't

56 6-

Mark and Darklord: li

Gold

g s

'i. Lana

Julia I

V t

Laurie:

SRN you VHtjj A

. • ii

s w

duo

Steve Metal

mill! i

Imperial Underground

n e

BIG

r s

Nolan e t e

e four Skins

Jon and Ali

e d

e n

( M B A Records) Than Us (Independiente) James Destiny Calling (Fontana) Arab Strap Here We Go (Chemikal Underground) Arkarna The Future's Overrated (WEA) Ian Brown Corpses

. e

t .

(Polydor) Minded (Higher G r o u n d )

Pressure Drop F

Tom and Christian Dj Sianidc 8. DJ s Desire

o s

(A8JV1)

Travis More

Jenny:

Blak Twang Red ABCCB

Ian Sample

Electric Cafe S

Tricolore

nevei

(Parlophone) Mover

With live sets and ;i< from nr-. -

lO-

Justin

Tom Spellman:

(Island)

You

The Chef

910

Chart

rhii

Hardcore

Ether Watching

Pulp This Is

Andy Nu Mustk Bringing you the newest music and .. i.>.".'./iy Cyrano?

e u

1 e

Niltl :

To Coa (Elemental)

.... hot

:ii '

Coin'

Dennis

Control

This 9

(Equipe Ecosse)

Guy)

g t

v ... i f "

Tobi

g s

- ./. I

Annie Christian 5

John C

Farm (Warner)

678

feel

free...

ICU Cinema The T h i r d M a n Stm 15 March 8pm FREE SHOW*"

Tomorrow

8:45pm &

er D R

Wed 18 Marc* 6pm & Thurs 19 March 9pm Wed 18 March

Thurs

March 6pm

Each show £2, except Sunday shows which are F R E E . Imperial College or U L U students & staff. Compulsory annual membership o f £1 (payable on first visit). Doors open 15 rojtibtesi feeiitefij^e stated. IQU Cinema is no smoking but drinks from Da Vinci's bar are welcome. F.&OE: R O A R .

Join the Revolution The Society is Changing as of this Sunday and at every Sunday Show thereafter, members of I C U Cinema w i l l be able to borrow books and videos free of charge, all that is needed is your membership card and a refundable £20 deposit. We are aiming to offer books and videos that are not readily available and great titles that perhaps you haven't heard of. F o r further details write to cinema@ic.ac.uk

Sundays are free

13 February

JJ I

FILM

AS GOOD AS IT GETS Starring: Jack N i c h o l s o n , H e l e n H u n t , C u b a G o o d i n g Jr

• •••

Director:|ames L B r o o k s

romantic from

lead

who

suffers

obsessive-compulsive

d i s o r d e r m u s t be a first for

H o l l y w o o d , but that is t h e s i t u a t i o n

s a r c a s t i c t i r a d e s . H e l e n H u n t is a waitress

who

works

Jack's

special

favourite c a f e a n d has

relationship with the dysfunctional

in the excellent As Good As It Gets.

loner. This is e n h a n c e d

Jack N i c h o l s o n never u s e s a bar of

pays for h o s p i t a l t r e a t m e n t for her

when

soap more than once and always

a s t h m a t i c s o n a n d s o o n this flash

switches t h e light o n a n d off e x a c t -

of g e n e r o s i t y has s u r p r i s i n g c o n s e -

ly five t i m e s b e f o r e f e e l i n g c o m f o r t -

q u e n c e s o n all a r o u n d .

able. A n a c e r b i c - t o n g u e d

romantic

Once

again

Jack

Nicholson

novelist, N i c h o l s o n t a k e s p r i d e in

p r o v e s h i m s e l f t o be o n e

his ability t o c o n d e s c e n d ,

best

actors

today.

and w o u n d . First i n t r o d u c e d t o t h e

One

of t h e

a u d i e n c e as an " a n i m a l - h a t e r " , w h o

c o u l d h a n d l e s u c h a c o m p l e x role,

disposes down

the

his

trash

offend

neighbour's chute,

dog soon

in H o l l y w o o d few

the

individuals w h o

he delivers it w i t h great c o n v i c t i o n and

deservingly

won

reveals h i m s e l f t o also be a racist,

Globe Award

homophobe,

y e a r . It will be a travesty if he fails

short, this m a n is a b h o r r e n t a n d will no d o u b t o f f e n d m a n y s e c t i o n s

misogynist...

for best

actor

date

this

film.

Matching

O s c a r n o m i n a t i o n , hers is the o n l y

as g o o d as c i n e m a g e t s , but it is

c o u p l e of w e e k s .

straightforward

blockbuster

MNOPQRS L

summer

Helen

Hunt

d e l i v e r s her best p e r f o r m a n c e

character

the

plus five d r e s s i n g g o w n s i d e n t i c a l to t h o s e in t h e

film. To have

c h a n c e of s e e i n g t h e hilarious film for

nothing,

just

e-mail

felix@ic.ac.uk with the answer to: What is jack Nicholson's full real name?

which

deserves

seven

Oscar Choon

performance

that

dissappearing behind

she

avoids

Nicholson's

s e c o n d t e r m . A n t i c i p a t i n g the press a t t e n t i o n , D e N i r o c r e a t e s a bigger story,

the

help

T he and

pulp

and action

writer

lilt.

Joseph

C o t t o n arrives in the A u s t r i a n c a p i -

"Fresh e a c h t i m e y o u s e e it - this film has n o sell-by d a t e "

tal o n l y t o d i s c o v e r that the friend

Barry N o r m a n

w h o w a i t e d for h i m ( O r s o n Welles) killed

circumstances.

together

combination

Niro

H o f f m a n ' s smart thinking pro-

d u c e s a c a s c a d e of events, that get

thriller, w i t h a v i c i o u s c o m i c

been

brings

rival any H o l l y w o o d p r o d u c t i o n .

THE THIRD MAN

American

of film

to orchestrate a global conflict to

Good Will Hunting c o m p e t i t i o n w a s very p o p u l a r , w i t h m o s t of the entrants k n o w i n g that R o b i n W i l l i a m s w a s n o m i n a t e d for an O s c a r for roles in Good Morning UVWXYZ[ T The Fisher King a n d Dead Poet's Society. C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s t o t h e w i n n e r s w h o have n o w b e e n notified.

under

strange

H e t h e n sets

out

s h o w is o n e of t h e g r e a t e s t British

like a s l e u t h f r o m a s e c o n d

films of all t i m e . The Third Film is

n o v e l l e t t e t o u n c o v e r the killer. The

With

range o f unlikely p e o p l e

of p o s t - w a r V i e n n a this is a mixture

o n e of t h o s e rare films that has h a d

war.

producer,

of f i l m noir, s u s p e n s e

Sunday

Dustin H o f f m a n , a,successful

8:00pm, Sunday 22 M a r c h

free

reputation

t h r e a t e n s t o c r i p p l e t h e b i d for a

award-winnning s a r c a s t i c s cript

and

outrageous

and

d a r i n g , in t h e effort t o last o u t the 1 1 days before the polls o p e n . There

are g r e a t

performances

f r o m b o t h t h e l e a d i n g a c t o r s as the two

WAG THE DOG

keep

p l a y i n g off

ing t h e p r e s s , t h e p u b l i c a n d the

Starring: D u s t i n H o f f m a n , A n n e

CIA. T he film has a very t o p i c a l p l o t

H e c h e , Robert D e N i r o

w i t h t h e s c e n a r i o b e i n g not entirely

• ••y

characters

e a c h o t h e r in o r d e r t o k e e p d e c e i v -

President's

election day, a scandal erupts and

Cinema's

nominations. U

w h e n , less t h a n t w o w e e k s before

Director:Barry L e v i n s o n

ICU

its

American

week's

has

intelligent

ing

KENSINGTON tickets

refreshingly

comedy

ODEON five pairs of

character-driven

w i t h the

Last

certainly

film, yet she gives s u c h an e n d e a r -

tickets a n d dressing g o w n s

has d o n a t e d

antics.

t o m a k e it a t h i r d O s c a r as w e l l in a

Win As Good As It Gets

This w e e k the O d e o n K e n s i n g t o n

on-screen

All in all, this m i g h t not be quite

Last s e e n in the 1 9 9 7

w o r l d w h o c a n tolerate N i c h o l s o n ' s

this

Nicholson with a G o l d e n Globe and

the a u d i e n c e . There is o n l y o n e p e r s o n in t h e

Jack Nicholson plays the vicious (but funny) Melvin

Golden

ag the Dog is a satirical look into h o w the m e d i a and the A m e r i c a n public c a n be c o n t r o l l e d a n d d e c e i v e d by smart t h i n k i n g a n d a b i g b u d g e t . The film stars Robert D e N i r o as a fast t h i n k i n g a n d talkin g s p i n d o c tor brought in t o r e v i v e the

d i s s i m i l a r t o that President

being faced

involving

the

Clinton

a l l e g e d sex s c a n d a l a n d the Gulf war. All in all, this is a clever film w o r t h w a t c h i n g for its o u t r a g e o u s , y e t q u i t e b e l i e v a b l e , p l o t a n d the quality p e r f o r m a n c e s .

lit

rate Last w e e k w e w e r e

cine-

an irrevocable e f f e c t not just o n t h e

matography,

art of film but also o n s o c i e t y as a

haunting music create a c o m p l e t e

and

w h o l e . Set a m i d s t t h e t o r n r e m a i n s

film.

John

offering t w o

film

did Catherine

Voleurs at t h e L o n d o n L e s b i a n a n d G a y Film Festival. The a n s w e r t o "In w h i c h

with

Susan

free tickets t o s e e

Bowie?"

Deneuve

Sarandon

was

The

w i n n e r is C h r i s G r a n t .

and

Hunger.

star David The

ARTS

^^ ]

13 March

SALAD DAYS Union Concert Hall

l a c k i n g in e v e n the faintest trace of

looking" occurs.

after, a n d I'm s i t t i n g here

credibility.

desperately trying to write

obviously,

kay,

it's

the

morning

up m y C V , w h e n s u d d e n l y . . . " W e ' r e

This w a s , e v e n the

intention

Just w h e n d e s p a i r

nigh, darkness

falls

over

world, and w e witness the landing

cipals,

of the m a n d a t o r y U F O , w h i c h l o o k s

w e r e n ' t t h e e a s i e s t in the w o r l d t o

s u s p i c i o u s l y like a Tardis.

sing.

a n d an e x c u s e for

for t h e s o n g s ,

Oh,

s o m e silly d a n c i n g - a n d let's face

comes

I'm

it, w h o n e e d s an e x c u s e for that?

favourite

moment

in t h e

Troppo,

one

Oh,

yes,

There w a s also

the

looking, we're looking, we're lookwas

the s t r i p p i n g n u n s .

very g o o d s i n g i n g f r o m all the p r i n -

a u t h o r s ; t h e p l o t is s i m p l y a v e h i c l e

look-look-look-looking...." where

the

what

Here

possibly

my whole

whose

songs

T h e re w a s a large a m o u n t of

shameless

hamming,

(but

what

else c a n y o u d o w i t h a s cript like

D u r i n g t h e c o u r s e of the s h o w w e

thing;

m e n t s of m y illustrious c a r e e r in a

encounter

g u a r d i a n s of the p i a n o , a w o n d e r -

very nic e a c t i n g , particularly as the

c o u p l e of p a g e s of a b s o l u t e l y t r u t h -

M i n n i e , w h o is in t h e

fully c u t e a n d t i m i d character

sober

ful

and

a l t h o u g h ther e w a s M i n i s t e r for

c o m m u n i c a t e s only through m i m e ,

when

I'm

distracted

|ane, a d e l i c i o u s l y tacky nightclub,

is s o terrified that he u n f o l d s f r o m

tailor, w h o I o n l y later d i s c o v e r e d

and

his p o c k e t a b r o w n p a p e r bag, a n d

w e r e p l a y e d by t h e s a m e p e r s o n .

p l a c e s it o v e r his h e a d , this r e m o v -

T he universal set w a s s i m p l e a n d

O!"

If by n o w y o u ' r e w o n d e r i n g plagued

the

infectious

the

obligatory

flying

saucer

c o m p l e t e w i t h a t t e n d a n t aliens. peppered

ing the c a u s e of his fear.

form

m e e t the o c c u p a n t s

T he w h o l e s h o w is with

humour,

ranging

the

N o w we

of the

flying

Pastimes,

and

fitted e a c h costumes

the

surreal t o t h e d o w n r i g h t l u d i c r o u s ,

saucer, a c r e w of l y c r a - c l a d aliens

ning,

with a few horrendous puns along

w i t h big hair a n d e v e n bigger feet,

aliens.

just

t h e w a y . The cast really use this t o

who

full effect, a n d w e are t r e a t e d

m a n n e r , their lycra tastefully cut t o

consciously

reveal o n e n i p p l e .

t a p p i n g m y feet.

and

s p a r k l y silliness

f i n i s h e d a five night run a i d e d

by the silver t o n g u e s

and twinkle

t o e s of Imperial C o l l e g e

Operatic

some

truly

priceless

moments.

The p l o t , as v a g u e l y i n t i m a t e d preview two

concerns

in s o m e

weeks

ago,

w a y that

most

i n n o c e n t of m u s i c a l i n s t r u m e n t s , a In fact, not just any o l d of

highly s p u r i o u s , b e i n g

from

I could add a

that,

bottle a b o v e her h e a d .

m a r r i e d , a n d they all live h a p p i l y

end

the

show,

T o w a r d the the

magical

The

entire

everyone

N o w w e c o m e t o the bit y o u ' v e

chaos.

all b e e n w a i t i n g for - m y v e r d i c t .

searchthe

"look-look-look-look-

because

all in all I

Abi

Kirk

ever after.

and

p o p u l a t i o n of L o n d o n

immortal

naturally,

1 will,

gets

M a r t i n i - g i r l style, b a l a n c i n g a g i n

ing for her, a n d this is w h e r e

by links

had

e n j o y e d the s h o w s o m u c h !

implausibility,

shamelessly

and myself

think

a p p e a r s t o be o u t in force

strung

for

dance, stop

t o s p o t M i n n i e , a n d return t o earth

stage,

chain of e v e n t s of q u i t e u n r i v a l l e d together and c o n n e c t e d

O f course,

sing and

t o r e s c u e her, s a v i n g the d a y . A f t e r

a c r o s s the

e v e r y t h i n g is t h r o w n into

is,

alluring

wonderful

I left t h e hall in t h e m o o d

s e r i o u s d i a l o g u e , w h e n a n u n roller-

dance!"

itself

most

those

the

stun-

s k a t e s serenely

M i n n i e is lost, a n d e v e r y o n e

plot

in a

and

absolutely

c o u p l e m o r e c r i t i c i s m s , but 1 d o n ' t

p i a n o - but "the o n e that m a k s y o u The

danced

especially

camp

the s p a c e c r a f t our h e r o e s are able

O n e s u c h o c c u r s d u r i n g an a l m o s t

Society.

course,

fragile

scene well, were

" S a l a d D a y s , " t h e s h o w w h i c h has

melodies

piano.

and

h a n d s of our h e r o e s T i m o t h y a n d

w h a t the hell I'm t a l k i n g a b o u t , I'm

our

Pleasure

exaggerated

" W e ' r e l o o k i n g for a P - l - A - N -

some

way

being

who

that?)

prose,

competent

the

attempting to s u m up the achieve-

a magical piano called

some

Firstly,

I was

impressed

the

c h o r u s line, w i t h excellent s i n g i n g and

d i c t i o n , a n d s o m e very stylish

d a n c i n g - e s p e c i a l l y o n the part of

COSI FAN TUTTE Shaftesbury Theatre

ith

its

improbable

symmetry

the

plot,

the

four

and

i m p o s s i b l e t o listen t o m u s i c .

farcical

d e c e i t f u l / s e l f - d e c e i v i n g lovers, a n d

deceptions, Cosi fan tutte has o f t e n b e e n v i s u a l i s e d as a frivolous e n t e r t a i n m e n t , w i t h a p l o t that scarcely d e s e r v e s t h e a c c o m p l i s h e d g e n i u s of his s c o r e . " Jonathan M i l l e r , D i r e c t o r

the t w o g u a r d i a n s of m o r a l author-

prefer

ity,

anything

popular,

m a k e s t h e o p e r a s o c o m p l e t e l y of

difference

in quality. In m y ideal

its t i m e .

T he librettist, d a Plante,

w o r l d , this sort of m u s i c a l s n o b b e r y

w o r k e d very closely w i t h M o z a r t o n

w o u l d n ' t exist, a n d o p e r a w o u l d be

t h e o p e r a , t o p r o d u c e a beautiful

as p o p u l a r R ' n ' B a n d i n d i e .

disguises

and

because

This is a s h a m e , frivolity of t h e

opera's

the

Reason

and

Instinct,

that

But t h e n ther e are indie s n o b s w h o

p i e c e of t h e a t r e . opera

unknown

band

despite

to the

I a m l e a v i n g t h e m a i n p o i n t of

I k n o w that m a n y p e o p l e

plot high-

some

lights the theatrical c o n v e n t i o n s of

that

lives, t h e y d o n ' t like it, they c a n ' t

b o u n d t o be a m a z i n g . The d i r e c t o r

The a n s w e r t o the

selves a n d e a c h o t h e r by a m i x t u r e

understand

is w o n d e r f u l , a n d the o p e r a w o n

b o o k of the m o n t h for M a r c h competition was:

it's

to a

their

this article far b e h i n d , h o w e v e r . D o

the t i m e . Four lovers d e c e i v e t h e m -

it,

irrelevant

feel

BOOKS COMPETITION RESULT

foreign

and

see

the

production,

it's

it.

m u c h praise f r o m critics w h o k n o w

O p e r a is universal, it isn't o n l y put

a b o u t o p e r a t h e first t i m e a r o u n d .

r e c o g n i s e Clark Kent as S u p e r m a n

It'll be w o r t h it. Really.

w h e n he's w e a r i n g g l a s s e s , t h e t w o

and

of d i s g u i s e s a n d g o o d luck. same

sisters

way

that

cannot

Lois

In the

Lane

recognise

lovers w h e n t h e y ' r e

can't

their

disguised

language,

but

don't

for the benefit

dismiss

of rich p e o p l e

c o m p a n i e s . It's a tragedy that

m a n y p e o p l e d o n ' t enjoy music;

Purple A m e r i c a by Rick Moody

Julia H

classical

it's not b o r i n g or

preten-

Waterstone's

T he

information

on diary

pages

lucky

voucher

winner Ms

(or

of is

ÂŁ10

Mr)

A l b a n i a n s . It s o u n d s silly, a n d t o a

t i o u s , a n d I'm not w i e r d for b e i n g a

Bardanis.

certain e x t e n t it is very silly, but t h e

fan.

f r o m the b o o k s h o p . For all t h e

opera trivial.

s h o u l d n ' t be The

demonstrates blindly

dismissed

"artificial reality,

representing

it.

comedy"

O f c o u r s e y o u have

Collect your

s n o b s , w h o elegantly s n e e r at y o u

rest of y o u ther e will be

w h e n y o u prefer P u c c i n i t o

c o m p e t i t i o n next m o n t h .

without

obscure

Yugoslavian

It's

with

unpronounceable

the

musical

some

composer name

voucher another

Willum

13 March

`` _

ARTS

A L A N DAVIES - LIVE The Duchess Theatre

A night,

lthough Alan

Davies'

End T o u r for 1 9 9 8 ,

West

"Urban

constantly

mental

paused

breathers

take

repeating

lost. M o s t of

his

that w e are all o n e of t h e t w o .

p o i n t i n g out

S o if y o u are a fan of c o m e d y ,

earlier-introduced

effects

the l i t t l e - n o t i c e d ironies that o c c u r

a n d are in the m o o d for a relaxing

his

a n d p e r f o r m i n g silly d a n c e routines

in every a s p e c t of n o r m a l , e v e r y d a y

night

a c r o s s the s t a g e .

life.

D a v i e s is p e r f o r m i n g . Try t o be in a

PR p e o p l e

guaranteed

man

has

travelled

around,

w h i c h y o u c a n tell f r o m t h e t h e m e

sound

ing completely

routine c o n s i s t e d of

T r a u m a " s o l d o u t o n t h e first

that he w o u l d be back in t h e f u t u r e . The

The c r o w d c a m e

prepared

F r o m the O l y m p i c s t o

c o w disease

mad

t o the p o t e n t i a l evil

out,

somewhat

find

out

focused

where

Alan

m o o d , as

his

laugh, a n d d i d s o after every joke

plots of h o u s e h o l d c a t s a n d t o the

that p e r v a d e s his c o m e d y r o u t i n e .

(or a t t e m p t e d joke), e v e n w h e n the

genetic

mouse

f o l l o w , e s p e c i a l l y since he usually

The s m a l l , y e t p a c k e d , t h e a t r e h e l d

c o m e d i a n ' s r e m a r k s w e r e n ' t partic-

w i t h a h u m a n ear, D a v i e s a t t e m p t s

just j u m p s into n e w t o p i c s w i t h o u t

t o m a k e us s t e p back for a m o m e n t

i n t r o d u c i n g t h e m . W a t c h i n g Davies

stand-up

t o ask, " W h y are w e d o i n g t h i s ? "

is d e f i n i t e l y t w o h o u r s w e l l spent,

H e p o i n t s o u t the ironies that w e

but if y o u ask w h e t h e r or not h e ' s w o r t h t h e hefty p r i c e t a g of a W e s t

an a u d i e n c e that s e e m e d t o e x p e c t

ularly

this; m a n y of t h e m

common

anticipate

appeared

his j o k e s a n d

shouted

funny.

with

comedians,

seems many

Davies focused

engineering

out o n e liners in t h e m i d d l e of t h e

particular t o p i c a n d t h e n c o n t i n u e l y

think a b o u t every d a y , but

p e r f o r m a n c e in a n a t t e m p t t o inter-

lapsed

actually take t h e t i m e t o

act w i t h h i m . A f t e r a w h i l e , s o m e of

tangent, o n l y t o return t o his origi-

trate

the a u d i e n c e b e c a m e irritating, but,

nal

could

with s o m e effort, c o u l d be i g n o r e d .

much

Davies

confident

This f o r c e d m e t o stay f o c u s e d o n

c o n s p i r a t o r s a n d s k e p t i c s , a n d he

microphone, although

D a v i e s ' w o r d s at t h e risk of b e c o m -

does

himself

behind t h e

was

off

topics

into

tangent

suddenly,

later

in the

after

sometimes

performance.

or w o n d e r

going

scenes.

never

concen-

about

what

behind

the

D a v i e s ' w o r l d is o n e

s t r i n g of j o k e s are o f t e n h a r d t o

End

performance,

answer,

It w o u l d p r o b a b l y

"perhaps not."

be just as g o o d t o w a t c h h i m o n t e l e v i s i o n or v i d e o .

Phillip

Reich

a g o o d job of p o i n t i n g o u t

SILLY COW The Grace Theatre

rying t o p u t the w o r d s eight-

w i t n e s s the d a y of s u p e r b i t c h critic

l o o k t o o p r o m i s i n g , a n d the c h a r a c -

Franklin w h o n o t o n l y p l a y e d D o r i s ,

ies, relevant a n d g o o d in t h e

D o r i s as she is b e i n g t a k e n t o c o u r t

ters all s e e m e d

but a l s o h e l p e d t o p r o d u c e the play

same

trying t o

r e v i e w is difficult, but

make

them

work on

t o be

a little t o

for her p r e v i o u s r e m a r k s a b o u t an

m u c h at that p o i n t . H o w e v e r , a n y

obviously managed

actress -

doubts

t w o roles e x t r e m e l y w e l l .

s o m e t h i n g she

is quite

1 may

have

had

were

t o juggle

the

stage t a k e s s o m e t h i n g a little bit

p r o n e t o d o i n g . M i l l i n g a r o u n d her

d i s p e l l e d early in the s e c o n d half as

In a v e n u e that s h o u l d a p p e a l

m o r e s p e c i a l . This p r o d u c t i o n at

are the, m a y b e slightly o v e r d o n e ,

the script, a c t o r s a n d play t o o k o n

t o s t u d e n t s in s o m a n y w a y s (it's

the G r a c e m a n a g e s t o h a n d l e this

characters

twisted,

above

a good

p r o b l e m e x t r e m e l y w e l l by c o m p l i -

slimy and loathsome 'soon to be'

t u r n e d , d e l i g h t e d a n d e n t h r a l l e d at

routes

from

menting

c o n c e s s i o n t i c k e t s available as w e l l

her

moralistic PA,

whole

new

path.

performances

b o s s , n e r d i s h a c c o u n t a n t , a n d her

s u c h a p a c e there w e r e t i m e s w h e n

with a m a r v e l l o u s s c r i p t t o p r o d u c e

" t r i p p i n ' a n ' ravin' all n i g h ' " t o y b o y

it w a s

a highly e n t e r t a i n i n g a n d enjoyable

(a truly w o n d e r f u l portrayal of m e n

between

s h o w . It's

high-

in their m o s t a n n o y i n g state). They

Elton, a n d full justice d o n e t o it

the

m u d d l e a r o u n d her, c o m p l i m e n t i n g

m o r a l v o i d of journalistic integrity,

a n d flattering her be f o r e she h e a d s

the

can

off t o c o u r t , a n d by the e n d of the

(having

lighted

delightful

strange

subject

still

find

that t h e

of a

the

play,

common

place

hard to

get

breath

as t i c k e t s w h i c h i n c l u d e dinner) a n d it s h o u l d m a k e g o i n g t o see

A l t h o u g h this is the s m a l l e s t of venues

they

been

If y o u d o n ' t

m i g h t find y o u enjoy this, if y o u d o

Bristol, E d i n b u r g h a n d Dublin) the limited space presented no prob-

humour and references w h e n they

moments

l e m s t o the a c t o r s as they filled t h e

talk of s i t u a t i o n s w e k n e w of o n l y

absurdity.

as c h i l d r e n .

t h e a t r e w i t h their lively a n d c h a r i s -

I have t o a d m i t that d u r i n g the

matic

personalities

and

feels

interval I w o n d e r e d w h e r e the plot

h o m e the e x c e s s e s of life in t h e

m i g h t be g o i n g , as it certainly d i d n ' t

era. It has t o be s a i d that C h a r l o t t e

atmosphere

looks,

like B e n

Elton y o u

like B e n Elton I think y o u ' l l love it.

Matt More

information

Williams

on diary

pages

bought

and s m e l l s of the e i g h t i e s , as w e

The

this

p e r f o r m a n c e e v e n m o r e enjoyable.

already

have

performed

first act w e ' v e b e e n l e d pleasantly and

bus

there's

with such a well k n o w n playwright,

t o the c o n c l u s i o n of the c a s e , w i t h amusement

laughing. W o n d e r f u l B e n

it's

college,

helps us t o a p p r e c i a t e s o m e of t h e

within our s o c i e t y a n d n e w s -

pub,

PHOTOSOC EXHIBITION PREVIEW The Ante Room Gallery

r o m the portrayal of a c a p t i -

f r o m the h u m o r o u s t o t h e abstract,

For t h o s e

v a t e d a u d i e n c e of the h u m o r -

touching

h o b b y , this is the o p p o r t u n i t y t o

ous

obscure.

street

performers

Covent

Garden

colour

saturated

the

abstract

shot

the

G u g g e n h e i m M u s e u m in S p a i n , this exhibition

reflects

something

e a c h individual p h o t o g r a p h e r . These,

and

around

sombre,

morbid

very high. everything produced

A s an a m a t e u r we've is either

society,

learnt

and

self-taught

s o c i e t y t o its m e m b e r s .

That o u r

p h o t o g r a p h s will be o n d i s p l a y at

members

the

t i m e t o t a k i n g a n d p r i n t i n g t h e high

1998

Photosoc

Exhibition,

have d e v o t e d s o

quality

The

s h o w s the p a s s i o n a n d e n t h u s i a s m

theme

it, a n d

not

pictures

have

range

images

in the

much

w h i c h begins o n the 16th of M a r c h . exhibition does

members

the

d i s p l a y the talent t h e y have s o far

A s in every year, the s t a n d a r d is

t h r o u g h the l e s s o n s g i v e n by t h e other

new

discovered; members,

while

for

it's a n o t h e r

p r o u d l y d i s p l a y their w o r k . exhibtion March

runs

until

the

hobby.

to The

25th

in t h e A n t e R o o m of

of the

S h e r f i e l d B u i l d i n g , a n d is definitely w o r t h a visit.

Sean

exhibition

that they p o s s e s s for the

older

chance

information

on diary

Foo

pages

GAMES D L e t ' s face it, t h e o n l y w a y t o p l a y

PlayStation

t o d a y ' s 3 D g a m e s is w i t h the funky

revel in t h e 7 0 ' s M a d M a x - s t y l e d

accelerators

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has

3DFX V O O D O O 2

s e e m s t o has lost its 7 0 ' s g r o o v e .

The V o o d o o l o o k s like it will be the

seem

best b o a r d available, w i t h t w o tex-

not lost it s e e m s .

processors

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2Mb

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towards Possibly the scariest g a m e ever p l a y e d , R e s i d e n t

1 have

Evil w a s a

managed

sell

selling

lion c o p i e s w e r e s o l d o n the

fist

w e e k e n d of its release in Japan,

400,000

a n d 6 5 0 , 0 0 0 w e r e s h i f t e d in the U S upon

A 'survival h o r r o r ' g a m e

confidently

zombies,

best

v i d e o g a m e in history. O v e r 1.8 m i l -

c o p i e s of i t s ' D i r e c t o r s C u t ' r e l e a s e , shuffling

the

times.

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huge hit w h e n first r e l e a s e d even

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Virgin

predict

Interactive

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250,000

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plants a n d a p p a l i n g d i a l o g u e , it w a s

their w a y into U K h o m e s w h e n it

clearly i n f l u e n c e d by c l a s s i c h o r r o r

finally s h i p s o n 2 9 t h

flicks s u c h as D a y o f t h e D e a d .

h o p e that t h e excellent TV a d v e r t .

W e l l , t h e z o m b i e s are b a c k a n d this

time

they

have

invaded

R a c c o o n C i t y . T h e s e q u e l features a more

mature

plot,

f i l m e d by c l a s s i c

March.

horror

director

G e o r g e A . R o m e r o m a k e s it a c r o s s the p o n d too.

Car-based

game

combat

and

mayhem

a s s u r e d , h o w e v e r , s o all is

of 2Mb

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a r o u n d a p l a n e t h a t ' s o n l y barely in

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eral

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PowerVR's

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P e n t i u m s c o u l d feel let d o w n .

Texture

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S p e a k i n g of w h i c h ,

333Hz

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4 5 0 - 5 0 0 H z Pentium lis s h i p p i n g

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Intel, n o t h a p p y w i t h its d o m i n a -

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tion

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Intel

has

it plans t o

have Given

the s i z e o f t h e heatsinks o n

in m o t h e r b o a r d s

alone,

e n t e r i n g the 3 D m a r k e t w i t h this

heating

impressive m i d - e n d chipset.

pipeline...

The

processor

system

the

&. c e n t r a l

also

the

7 4 0 will o n l y w o r k w i t h P e n t i u m II systems

and should handle

200-

Q u a k e 2 m u l t i - p l a y e r a d d i c t s will

800 thousand polygons a second

(significantly less t h a n

once

NEC).

3Dfx

and

H o w e v e r , this c a r d s h o u l d

represent

very

good

value

for

retreating

their

with

the

bedrooms release

Q u a k e 2 CTF - ' C a p t u r e The Flag' levels.

Those

who

were

disap-

m o n e y a n d will p r o b a b l y find its

p o i n t e d w i t h the s t a n d a r d g a m e ' s

way

m u l t i - p l a y e r levels s h o u l d s e i z e the

into m o t h e r b o a r d s , m a k i n g it

the s t a n d a r d for 3 D g r a p h i c s .

far i m p r o v e d

Bizarrely, the

r e - t i t l e d Vigilante 8

p a c k a g e . The d o w n s i d e is that it

Compression,

The g a m e

of v i d e o m e m o r y a n d its q u i t e a

(smoothing)

PlayStation

fun that is Interstate ' 7 6 m a y be in

on the way...

include

for a s h o c k .

m e m o r y each. A d d another

c de fgdd d

owners w h o wish

H e r e are s o m e of the n e w c h i p s e t s

ture

d i a l o g u e , e v e n better s c e n e r y a n d

hardware

RESIDENT EVIL 2

bb a

13 March

n e w c h a l l e n g e eagerly. N i n t e n d o 6 4 o w n e r s will finally be

getting a fighting g a m e

ULTIM@TE RACE PRO

to boot. The

Featuring a n o v e l p o i n t s car

han-

PC • • •

lacking

£150

flat

c o m e s to reward-

chase.

ing

when the

U l t i m @ t e Race P r o a i m s t o be that

s u c c e s s . Finishing a

race

acjMMjj

will

b r i n g an u n i n s p i r ing " y o u ' v e w o n " m e s s a g e .

is n o c h a m p i o n s h i p m o d e , a n d no

y o u r o p p o n e n t s . The g r a p h i c s are

h i d d e n tracks or cars t o be d i s c o v -

very slick o n a c c e l e r a t e d P C s , h a p -

ered.

second

The basic engine is there, a n d very w e l l p o l i s h e d it is t o o , but per-

There's

even

per

There

with gorgeous detail and shading. atmospheric

frames

convincing

storm

weather,

the t r a n s i t i o n b e t w e e n

and

h a p s a c o u p l e of m o n t h s w o r t h of

and

finishing

night a n d

day is h a n d l e d very s m o o t h l y . In a d d i t i o n t o f o g t h e

effects

i n c l u d e s u n glare, p r o j e c t e d s h a d o w s a n d fairly realistic

headlights

note

Deputy

Editor. H a v e a pint o n us, m a t e . . .

beating

n o w Edge m a g a z i n e ' s

only

around

pily o v e r

game

Owain Bennallack, w h o w e is

one anyway? - apart f r o m driving very q u i c k l y a n d

cutesey

C o n g r a t u l a t i o n s t o ex-Felix editor •

player's

game. needs

the

software-starved console.

the p o w e r a n d quality of y o u r p u r -

There is n o p l o t - w h o

from

n o r m a l l y available o n N i n t e n d o ' s

The g a m e falls

y o u w a n t is a g a m e that will s h o w £19.99,

change

enjoyable.

the latest 3 D g r a p h i c s c a r d , w h a t

paltry

Fighters s h o u l d p r o v i d e a w e l c o m e

but

still p r o v e s t o If y o u ' v e just b l o w n

o p p o n e n t until t h e y fall o v e r " fare,

personality,

system

rather t h a n the m o r e usual "batter

d l i n g is a little flat lv and

Costing a

t o write

h o m e a b o u t in Fighters Destiny.

off

needed.

What

quote

the

Hitch-hiker's

help develop an

interactive

s i o n of PGA Tour. to

review t h e m for Felix. If y o u ' r e

Check out

interested,

(www.su.ic.ac.uk/Felix)

like a fish a n d s t e e r s like a c o w . "

Office

Mark

jkl hi

(in the

corner

the of

Q u a d ) o n M o n d a y at 1 2 : 3 0 .

golf

are likely t o a p p e a r in the next ver-

G u i d e : "it l o o k s like a fish, m o v e s

into

have

g a m e . Tiger a n d his s p o n s o r N i k e

is that y o u n e e d pop

I O

s i g n e d t o p g o l f e r Tiger Woods t o

games? The catch

U K

EA Sports r e p o r t that t h e y

some free

shame.

O r

Psst! W a n t

Felix Beit

the

Felix web

pages to

see

extra screenshots and a caption competition!

13 M a r c h

STARS

1998

Sagittarius (23/i 1 - 23/12)

cess,

The m e n t a l p a t h o f f c n t e m ^ t a r l o n , c o u p l e d w i t h

r e s p o n d t o d y n a m i c events.

your

qualities

of stamina

a n d insight

against t h e n e g l e c t o f s t r u c t u r a l details or p t e c i s e e x c e p t i o n s .

dynamic d e t e r m i n a t l f c , l e ^ ^ ^ B t m a t e l y t o victory.

Under the g u i ^ r f e

Chariot, obstacles

y o u r sg - bfvvare

o£ the

transitional

Leo (23/7 - 23/8)

jumnavigates residual hovfcyer not t o confuse

A r e c e n t f o r t u i t o u s ac c o m p l l s h m e n t c o n t r i b u t i n g

horoscopes with Nana

to professional or financial fulfilment, indicated by t h e c o m p l e t e ^ g g V P e n p c l e s , r e n d e r s y o u

dealing with problems ancrfleeing f r o m r e s p o n -

wary

sibility.

of malicious

Intent A n d j e a l o u s

spite.

Defensive p r u d f c c e ^ r v e s Jhe mystery of loyal-

Destiny is n o t a q u e s t i o n o f cjhan\e, b u t a m a t ter o f c h o i c e .

ty,

Capricorn (24/12 - 20/1) Although the hlzarjfous Wheel of

Fortune instills a n k a l i s £ v a 1 l H o f

Virgo (24/8 - 22/9)

mind, the

failure t o a s s e r t y c % t p d ^ K c B i c e

through

m no npqrs tuv wxyz { y

and resolute a c l l f c g ^ e M y r t h '

c o n c l u s i v e d e c i s i o n s arm r e s o l y j p l n s l i m i t s t h e

judgement

prospect of beneficial personal evolution.

,y force o f

asseslfps y o u W a c f c i l J p t t u s

y o u r life c y c l e .

Satisfied § y

reqtxf

within

events, y o u

learn t o a c c e p t past failure o r J i t s . Aquarius (21/1 - 18/2) A sceptical c o m p a n i o n plants a s e e d of doubt in

Taurus (21/4 - 2 1 / 5 | Sworn

Swords.

entrusted

P r j ^ K u p j ^ y y t h j g | ) ^ n i o n o f friends

to preservefand

Libra (23/9 - 23/10)

prefect

element

in y o u r ' a r ^ j ^ ^ g f t o m p r o m i s e

your

Social activities o c c

"Ire s t a g e this w e e k

under the s t i m t e t o ^ r e s e n ^ ^ J e energetic

or t h e i m p ^ ^ ^ i O r P c f S f e S w i t h i n a c r o w d , y o u

h a b i t u a l r o u t i n e in f a j p u r o f s p k n t a n e o u s a c t i o n .

Queen of W a n d s .

sacrifice

T h e g r a c e f u l KnightJIbf C u p s , ||vealing intuitive

s h o w caring c c p p i y f t ^ b a ^ g t ^ of troubled

sensitivity o v e r s t e p s % ^ b o u n » r i e s

c l o s e friends t h r o u g h reliable h e l p a i d a d v i c e .

subtle

materialistic

perspicacity

for t h e s a k e

appearances.

cation and etiquette.

of sophisti-

Influential, y e t

Pisces (19/2 - 2 0 / 3 k

Scorpio (24/10 - 22/1 1) Gemini (22/5 - 7¥)

S u r r o u n d e d Jgj a n t a g o n i s t i c

g e s t e d by t h e l a b a r i a V s T h r o b o f P e n t a c l e s , c o n -

Efficient p l a n n i n g a n < S i s i o n a B p r e p a r a t i o n c o n -

conflict

structive c r i t i c i s m u ^ d £ r m t j j f s t h e c o n f i d e n c e i n

stitute t h e c r u c i a l f a v o r s oft striking p r o g r e s s .

c o m f o r t i n g peaoft aflct j e l a x a t j o n

your

The r e s p o n s i b l e Six I f S w o f c s

Eight o f C u p s h e f l T a n j M n t w o p f t l s a n d relieves

D e s p i t e y o u r i m p r i j s i v e c r e a t i v e talents ,

p e r s o n a l jHRrtjPs.

Jteeling

sug-

betrayed

enhances your

taken for g r a n t f e ^ p F U r p r c l o u y r f f c o r e o f s e n s i -

organisational s l d l j s j h s u r l l a l the

tivity a n d artistry r e m a i n s disrnTentated.

ment of l i n g e r i n ^ W n W i W P B S r f M ) s p e r i t y .

accomplish-

Aries (21/3 -flO/4)'

Cancer (22/6

T hrough t h e i n v e s t m f t j l o f p r o f o u n d effort a n d

Immersed

energy, t h e stable K i r S o f P e n t a c l e s reveals a n

e n e r g e t i c T w o j # # S $ t | L S U g g e s t s t h e definitive

established situation ot contentment rity.

imperial

concentrate

suc-

Collage

on yMM^MBWl'pnorities.

Persian

Tfearaoay 19 M^trcf) from 8pm

axon.

Zhirar -with hi& tano - fcurbish Traditional trance M u a i c :

- f?oo& /Available \>enae: Sfierfielb "Exhibition

fZuilbing, ^oaa

Meare&t Station: South Kensington prince MemGera §L6, }Jon-membe,r& £jB abvance booking contact A l i Sabszababi . a c . a k , 09x8 499 448 or Aradfe Soleimani aA09@ic.ac.ak 0181 .03 910.7 for

T h e vulnerable

the a c c u m u l a t i o n o f c w r i m e n t a l t e n s i o n , e s t a b lishing a d e g r e e o f e m o t i o n a l tranquillity .

in cfareer o n e H ^ ^ ^ ^ ^ c t i v e s , t h e

*party - IJve

y j j j | s e a r c h for

realisation o f v f c c s t a t u s w l t h i n a^jtoup. A s y o u

and secu-

A s y o u t r a v e l in fsearch o f c o n f i d e n t

confrontation and

beyontkyoujifcontrol,

guard

Calling all Clubs and Socs You must supply an entry for the 1998-99 ICU Students' Handbook *

Article should be 200 - 400 - . accompanied by a decent photograph (ie not a boring group photo) Hand your entries in to Neil or Charlie in the Clubs and Socs Resource Centre, Union Building.

WARNING - NOT SUBMITTING AN ENTRY COULD SERIOUSLY DAMAGE YOUR BUDGET!

COMPS

PUZZLES

3 March

8 ~

ACROSS

CRYPTIC CROSSWORD } | Ed Sexton

DOWN

O n e is farcical, p e r h a p s ,

with

this d i s p o s a b l e a n i m a l (11,4)

M a d a b o u t party (4)

French g o l d b e t w e e n

10 Rate ' D e v i l R o a d ' first in s h o w (11)

M i s e r a b l e h e l m stirs t r o u b l e

Five is a p a s s ! (4)

12 E u r o p e a n c o u n t r y w i t h o u t right t o injure (6) 13 H e a v i l y d e c o r a t e d

royal n e t ,

(9) 5

p e r h a p s ? (8)

S o u n d , w i t h o u t fifty, is still a s o u n d ! (5)

14 T o r m e n t t w o h u n d r e d a n d o n e

w i t h fury (7) 17 U n i t e d N a t i o n s , w i t h

blowers,

b e c o m e s relaxed (7)

with

light

c o l o u r m a k e s c l o t h (6) 22 C o l o u r , w i t h her p i e c e s o f jew-

for this c o n t a i n e r (6,5)

Let g o o f d r a p e in t h e a t r e (4,7) 11 Eliot's initials - a right e m p e r or! (4)

ellery, diverts a t t e n t i o n (3,8)

Feline w i t h beer? P s y c h o t i c

25 N o French o s m i c p o s t m e n a r e of u n s o u n d m i n d (3,6,6)

(8) G l w i t h e g g a n d c h a r g e d parti Sort y e l l o w initially, t h e n slags,

t r o u b l e d (8) substance

C a n a n d basin n e e d e d for d r u g

cle starts e n g i n e ? (8)

19 Scarf m a k e s b l o k e w i t h it a l l 20 B l a c k

choices

(2)

start o f illness! (9) H e a r true m a d n e s s in t h e s e c a n a l s (8)

16 B e s t o w i n g a district w i t h m i x e d spirit (8) 18 V i k i n g d o g ? (4) 21 A r g o n p o s s e s s e d slang? (5) 23 D r u g s t u p i d p e r s o n (4) 24 Easy b i g fifty, p e r h a p s (4) 26 Is this a c l u e ?

ANSWERS TO 1 1 10

W h y D o n ' t You p

Across

1 Eclair, 5 L u n c h e o n , 9 River Basin, 10 Knit, 11 C a t a c o m b , 12

Shrimp,

13 Taxi,

15 T a c t i c a l ,

18 K a n g a r o o ,

19 D a s h , 21 S t r e a m , 2 3

Lyricist, 2 5 H e r o , 2 6 E v a l u a t i o n , 2 7 A d h e r e n t , 2 8 Easels

AND

Less Useful

Down

2 China, 3 Averaging, 4 Ribbon,

Nonesuch,

7 Hiker, 8 O p i u m Wars,

5 Last

B u t N o t Least,

14 A p a r t h e i d , 16 Indicates, 17

Premiere, 2 0 Grouse, 2 2 Erode, 2 4 Scowl

No 1111: No Bridges Please Hello a n d w e l c o m e

back t o m y

Three n e w h o u s e s have just

evil brain t e a s e r s . For this w e e k ' s

been

challlenge, y o u will n e e d p e n a n d

d r a w thre e d o t s in a r o w . W e also

p a p e r . The m a r g i n o f t h o s e q u a n -

have thre e utilities - g a s , w a t e r

t u m m e c h a n i c s n o t e s will d o fine.

a n d electricity. D r a w t h e s e as a

is w e l l k n o w n

electricity a n d w a t e r

built. T o r e p r e s e n t t h e s e ,

that g a s ,

s e c o n d r o w o f thre e d o t s o p p o -

companies

site t h e first. The p r o b l e m is:

cannot cooperate t o save

their

How may each of the hous-

lives, a n d will a l w a y s d i g u p t h e es be connected to each of the road

just

have

finished.

that

just

after

t h e BT p e o p l e Imagine,

for once

they

QuizIC - The First Annual British National Academic Quiz Tournament

three utilities without

though

the

pipes/cables

work

one

another?

any of

intersecting

On 28 March at Imperial College, the first British National Academic Quiz Tournament will take place. It is set to include teams from Imperial, Oxford, Cambridge, Manchester, Durham and other Universities. This is a call for help! We need organisers, competitors and an audience for what we hope will be the start of a great tradition. If you feel that you are a budding trivia whizz-kid and you want to represent Imperial College at this prestigious event, get in touch with us... there is an opening for more than one Imperial College team, so anyone who wants to take part should let us know. Excellent practice for University Challenge.

together. The a n s w e r t o p u z z l e 1 1 1 0 ( C l e a n i n g W i n d o w s ) is 5 . 5 3 m . Correct answers received from N i c o l a Hargreaves and D a m i e n Fell. G o o d w o r k ! If y o u ' r e w o n d e r i n g w h a t the trick w a s - ther e w a s n o trick. Y o u have t o s o l v e t h e nasty q u a r t i c e q u a t i o n n u m e r i c a l l y (or d r a w a s c a l e d r a w i n g ) . M a i l o r e - m a i l y o u r a n s w e r s t o t h e Felix office ( f e l i x @ i c . a c . u k ) . If y o u are c o r r e c t , y o u r n a m e will b e p r i n t e d i n a b l a z e o f glory next w e e k . C o n t r i b u t i o n s o f similar logic / m a t h s p u z z l e s gratefully r e c e i v e d .

We also need help with moderating, timekeeping and general organisation of what is likely to be a hectic event. If you feel that you have something to offer us then please let us know. There should be a decent knees-up at the end and just think of how it would look on your CV! Alternatively, come and support your University and simply enjoy nine or ten rounds of challenging trivia. The event centre will be at the main entrance to the Blackett Building, Prince Consort Road and the day will run from 9.30am to 5.30pm with a break for the boat race! For more details, e-mail quiz@ic.ac.uk or check out our Web Page at www.su.ic.ac.uk/quiz, but hurry... there are only 14 quizzing days left!

FRI 1 3 t h

F O U R P u r e

p o p a n d

I r i s h f e e l

p l u s

T a special

detail B a r

Sun 15th

S t a n d i r i Q ^ d b ^ Only Charlton v Suowland, Derby v Leeds DaVinci'^ from 12.30 on the big screen Tues 17th

mum

Win £ 5 0 cash cu/crate of lager DaVinci's 8pm

SPECIAil.«IHNrMFS*i . Weds 1

^MOTION

European

Standing R o o m Only

COCJI»llft DaVinci's

mCMT 5-11

CAPITAL

13 M a r c h

1998

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17)1 i/S liiiinisli

cVaiViea w l ' i c h st.'i.'s A m a

' A i r m a n . s o reserve y o u r

s :

r 11 'v

Shaftesbury

Theatre

13 March

SPORT

Hail Hockey Heroics

Camborne Crushed!

ICUHC II v Kings

RSM v

C h a m p i o n s . IC s e c o n d s

ICUHC III v St

Carnage

Kings to c l a i m t h e s e c o n d d i v i s i o n championship.

Needing

nothing

be s a i d a b o u t

but a w i n t o s e c u r e their G o d G i v e n

Titanic g o a l

place at the league h e a d . T he s e c -

leading

onds

game

set

about

this

in a

most

in C a m b o r n e

Royal

M i n e r s s h o w their Bottle W h a t can

not e v e n r e m o t e l y c r o s s i n g the line. R S M w e r e s h a k e n by this a n d let in

destroyed

bonanza?

all t h e

such

way,

were

riding

like t h e t h o r o u g h b r e d

every m a n g a v e 100%. C S M eventu-

It w a s that t i m e of year again w h e n the

a c o u p l e of s o f t - i s h goals. H o w e v e r ,

Royal S c h o o l

of M i n e s

ally ran out a 4 - 2 w i n w h i c h they half d e s e r v e d t o be honest.

the

m e t C a m b o r n e S c h o o l of M i n e s in

T h e n c a m e the rugby. Played for

stal-

the w o r l d s s e c o n d o l d e s t varsity fix-

a t h r e e - f o o t tin bottle (hence "bottle

a m u s i n g m a n n e r , as G o r a n t o o k It

lion it w a s . II of the g o a l s

and back d o o r e d t h e entire t e a m .

from

To be h o n e s t , t h e first five m i n u t e s

Yes,

by o n e d e m i - g o d .

h a d already m i s s e d the first g o a l for

f r o m the start w e h a d t h e m under

were a pile o f c r a p . R o b d e c i d i n g

N o w t h e thirds are g o i n g all the

R S M , s c o r e d by C r a i g "Cruyff turn"

pressure, resulting in James "pretty

way. DISCO!

H u n n (geology), w h o w a s

boy" Trude (geology)

I C U H C III 15 - 0 St Bart's

ing his 21st birthday. Further pres-

to change

this t o o k a silky p a s s

f r o m G o r a n a n d r a m m e d it h o m e . Then f o l l o w e d w h a t w a s t o be

our

new

II g o a l s

found

came

ture after the boat race.

Casanova,

match"), w h i c h y o u can see p r o u d - l y

O n t o the football, w h e r e

celebrat-

o n display in the U n i o n Bar. Right

slotting t w o

penalties before the bastards in the

sure resulted in a beautifully taken

C a m b o r n e c r o w d n i c k e d the kick-

turning p o i n t in t h e m a t c h . IC w a s

goal

ing tee.

a w a r d e d 2 p e n a l t y flicks w i t h i n 5

Steele. L o o k i n g quite c o m f o r t a b l e at

m i n u t e s . L i g h t w e i g h t a n d Rab c o n -

this stage against a g o o d C a m b o r n e

Philips (ERE) at s c r u m half buried

verted,

side, the referee (wanker) d e c i d e d

the C a m b o r n e s c u m . The s e c o n d of

(3-0).

Kings

were

not

h a p p y . W i t h a brave d e f e n s i v e cry, the M a g i c h o l l e r e d "the o n i o n s are c o m i n g " a n d w e w e r e r e s o l u t e in our d e f e n c e .

Half time

brought

threats f r o m K C L but t o their c h a grin w e down

were

the

better. W e

pitch

rolled

in w a v e

after

relentless w a v e of p r e s s u r e ,

scor-

R S M captain

"sir"

Peter

Rugby

his brace w a s

a w a y s o l o effort f r o m his o w n half.

dubious

time.

ICMRFC II v U M D S

keep-er in the f o r m of N i c k "forget

v i n c i n g victory. N o t c o n t e n t merely

about it" Perrier (geology). H o w e v e r ,

t o w i n , t h e lads also p r e v e n t e d the

f r o m the

C a m b o r n e twat s f r o m s c o r i n g any

Imperial

Medics

Hospitals

completed

all

n o t i c e d that w e h a d a d e c e n t

of all F O U R U n i t e d Trophies

penalties

H o w e v e r , he hadn't

this

resulting corner

the

ref

w i t h v i c t o r i e s in t h e

w h y . In fact it w a s clear that

3rd team

s u p p o s e d g o a l resulted f r o m a ball

the

champagne

hockey

10-5 a d v a n t a g e at half t i m e , h o w -

ICUHC II 6 - 1 Kings

1 3 - 1 0 but s t r o n g d e f e n d i n g by the

Skiing

g a m e a n d excellent k i c k i n g by fly-

After a s o m e w h a t p o o r start t o t h e s e a s o n t h e skiers h a v e b e g u n t o s h o w their true p o t e n t i a l . In t h e Final r o u n d of t h e King's Ski L e a g u e Imperial W e p r o d u c e d o n e of t h e most memorable slalom victories s e e n at B r e n t w o o d In r e c e n t y e a r s , by beating the p r e v i o u s l y u n b e a t e n Playthings (thanks O x f o r d 111).

d i s p l a y of excellent k i c k i n g by a fly

UMDS

fought back t o

forwards

kept

them

con-

the

have any U C A S p o i n t s either. Final; score 26-0.

lead

the

half A n d y R i c h a r d s t o g e t h e r w i t h a s u p e r b try by S i m o n C h u r c h m e a n t I M w o n the g a m e 2 1 - 1 3 . In t h e 3 r d t e a m final,

W e l l d o n e e v e r y o n e , n o w lets win the final!

(ERE) w r a p p e d u p a

In t h e 2 n d t e a m final a s t r o n g

ever

A joint I m p e r i a l ! C h a r i n g C r o s s Ladies t e a m f i n i s h e d s e c o n d , o n l y losing in the final t o Playthings Ladies.

Hume

start by Imperial M e d i c s brought a

can say n o w is " y o u w e e d a n c e r " .

After s o m e c l o s e r a c e s , m a i n l y against o t h e r U n i v e r s i t i e s ' First teams, Imperial 2 finished a respectable 14th

Dave

all the

f r o m the o l d b o y s d o n e g o o d . A l l I

S o l i d p e r f o r m a n c e s by Imperial I, w i n n i n g all but o n e race, i r o n y cally against O x f o r d , e n s u r e d 3 r d place overall a n d g u a r a n t e e d entry to the King's Finals t o be h e l d o v e r Easter.

and

finals w e r e p l a y e d against U M D S .

also the m o s t g e n e r o u s . T o s u m marise,

Like t h e first t e a m

(geology)

Lloyd

points, a l t h o u g h this w a s not a n e w

2nd team, team.

Rich "slight

frame"

e x p e r i e n c e for t h e m as f e w of t h e m

knew

Wednesday

ladles

from

break

N o player f r o m either side

a n d fart b e f o r e s c o r i n g .

and

Further tries

a gorgeous

decided to award Camborne a goal.

had time to look up, look d o w n

were

eventual

most

Fifth g o a l w a s a p e a c h as

W e t h e n let Kings h a v e a c o n -

from

t o help his C S M m a t e s out. H e d i d

clean s w e e p

sola-tion goal to prove w e

T w o tries

m a n of the m a t c h James "poolips"

this by a w a r d i n g o n e of the

ing three m o r e w i t h o u t reply . T he Shaggy

another

half, this t i m e M i k e Edbury, m e a n t S t . M a r y ' s w e r e a l w a y s o n t o p in a g a m e t h e y w o n 3 4 - 3 over C h a r i n g Cross,

third team

level

the

t e a m s p l a y e d separately this y e a r . The L a d l e s Final w a s h e l d at

A jubilant RSM rugby t e a m celebrate their victory.

O l d D e e r Park o n the s a m e d a y as the s e c o n d t e a m final for the first t i m e this y e a r . In a tightly fought game,

1M w e r e

the

victors,

RSMHC v

the

l o w e d . ) The d e a d l o c k w a s b r o k e n in t h e s e c o n d half, w h e n H e n r y ' s

s c o r e 1 5 - 1 0 , w i t h the w i n n i n g try c o m i n g in the last m i n u t e of the game.

" W e beat C a m b o r n e a n d w e beat

SCORE BOARD: IMREC 131 -20 U M D S R F C IMRFC 1 1 2 1 - 1 3 UMDSRFC S M H R F C 34- 3 CXWRFC IMWRFC 1 5 - 1 0 UMDSREC

time

Camborne....

years,

the

first

men's

C S M keeper

standing

helplessly

his

line.

A f t e r that, R S M m a n a g e d t o h o l d a firm back line t o e m e r g e as v i c t o r s . M a n of t h e m a t c h w e n t t o

Jamie,

R S M h o c k e y t e a m w a s v i c t o r i o u s in

w h o e p i t o m i s e d the R S M defence

the a n n u a l m i n e r ' s varsity t o u r n a -

w i t h his s o l i d t a c k l i n g .

m e n t . B e a t i n g C a m b o r n e S c h o o l of

CSM

remained

gracious

m i n e s 1 - 0 , they brought h o m e the

d e f e a t a f t e r w a r d s , a n d it w a s g o o d

illustrious Sharpley H o c k e y C u p .

Therefore IMRFC 4 cups - 0 cups U M D S

" , y e s for the

in s e v e n

q u i c k strike left the

Solid

defending

from

both

see

exchanged

sporting at t h e

comments

e n d of s u c h a

s i d e s kept the s c o r e s at 0 - 0 at half-

tightly f o u g h t c o n t e s t . W e l l

time, although R S M were unlucky

everyone!

goal

being

dubiously

disal-

RSMHC 1 - 0 C S M H C

done

SPORT

Footballers Win Some Games But still n o e x c u s e t o t r a s h a h o t e l

ICUWAFC v St GEORGE'S N i n e g l u t t o n s for p u n i s h m e n t (6 of which were rather hungover) arrived at H a r l i n g t o n bright a n d early o n S u n d a y m o r n i n g after the revelries of the night before (including the o b s c e n e sight of the D u k e of P r a g u e ' s m a n h o o d ) . W e w o u l d have h a d a full t e a m but o n e random preferred to have a long, hot bath while the other w a s u n c o n s c i o u s in a p o o l o f her o w n v o m i t . This m a t c h w a s c r u c i a l t o a v o i d relegation a n d a l s o the last ever m a t c h of t w o f o r m e r c a p t a i n s (Scrubber a n d H a c k e r ) , s o m u c h pride w a s at stake. Slack, H u n g o v e r , shit p l a y s a w us a g o a l d o w n early o n but, for the first t i m e ever, H e d g e ' s d e s perate p l e a of " L e t ' s get o n e b a c k " p r o v e d effective as S c r u b b e r slott e d the ball h o m e after a neat c o r ner f r o m t h e " G o l d e n T a m a r i n " . H o o d y p r o v e d t o be a u s e l e s s , h u n g o v e r w r e c k , u n a b l e t o run or see efficiently a n d s p e n t m o s t of her t i m e b i t c h i n g a b o u t the o p p o sition a n d her inability t o s c o r e . The first half e n d e d 2-1 u p as Lili scored a beautiful solo effort, a v o i d i n g the o f f s i d e t r a p like a true professional. N e w l y c r o w n e d p l a ye r of the year " E l h o s h " a n d next y e a r ' s c a p tain " G r e e k B i r d " h e l d t h e d e f e n c e and m i d f i e l d t o g e t h e r w e l l a n d eventually S c r u b b e r m o n o p o l i s e d a nice p a s s t h r o u g h t o b e a t t h e keeper 1 o n 1. She c o m p l e t e d her hat-trick a f e w m o m e n t s later w i t h a s t u n n i n g strike i n t o t h e right hand corner. The r o m p c o n t i n u e d w h e n another c o o l corner f r o m the Golden Tamarin was met by Scrubber - g o a l n u m b e r four for her. W e w e r e s h i t t i n g o n the b i t c h es. The g a m e f i n i s h e d 6 - 1 , w h e n The G o l d e n T a m a r i n s c o r e d a n opportunistic poacher's goal from close range. S o w e a v o i d e d r e l e g a t i o n by the skin of o u r t e e t h for the s e c o n d year in a r o w . W e l l d o n e for a n interesting a n d s o m e t i m e s s u p e r s o n i c s e a s o n . For t h o s e of us leaving at the e n d of June, it w a s a n e m o t i o n a l e n d t o our f o o t b a l l i n g careers a n d I a l m o s t felt c o m pelled t o kiss the h a l l o w e d turf of H a r l i n g t o n ( O K n o t quite.) ICUWAFC 6 - St George's

ICUAFC I v

It w a s t h i r d t i m e lucky for the LSE as the y d e s e r v e d l y w o n the U L U C h a l l e n g e C u p . Their o p p o n e n t s Imperial never g o t into the g a m e , but d e s e r v e c r e d i t for b e i n g the first Imperial s i d e t o reach the final in y e a r s . I n d e e d the final will p r o v i d e t h e m w i t h vital e x p e r i e n c e as they a i m t o g o o n e better next s e a son. LSE d o m i n a t e d f r o m the start a n d t o o k the l e a d w h e n D o n a l K e a n e failed t o c o m e o u t for a free-kick f r o m the left, l e a v i n g the LSE m i d f i e l d e r w i t h a free h e a d e r . A m o a n d S te w a r t w e r e o u t - f o u g h t in m i d f i e l d , l e a v i n g the Imperial back four u n p r o t e c t e d for large p e r i o d s of the g a m e . I n d e e d this w a s the c a s e for LSE's s e c o n d g o a l as their G r e e k striker, w h o later had a bust-up with Foulstone, s c o r e d his f o u r t h g o a l in four g a m e s against I m p e r i a l this s e a s o n . W o r s e w a s t o f o l l o w as K e a n e w a s l o b b e d f r o m 3 0 y a r d s . H a l f - t i m e a n d the final w a s virtually o v e r . Surely the time to make a few changes? N o , as P s y c h o s o m e h o w k e p t faith with the starting eleven even though Tippayawong replaced Shanidze shortly afterwards. Imperial m a n a g e d t o raise their g a m e t o s o m e extent, but failed t o t r o u b l e the LSE g o a l k e e p e r w h o had the M a n of The M a t c h p l a y i n g tight i n front o f h i m . I n d e e d it r e m a i n s a m y s tery w h y Imperial c o n s ta n tly a i m e d for M a r c o s ' h e a d w h e n LSE's c e n tral d e f e n d e r won absolutely e v e r y t h i n g in the air. LSE t h e n g o t their fourth after they broke free d o w n Imperial's left h a n d s i d e . N o w a y back for IC w h o h a d substitute G a l l i a r d o c a r r i e d off w i t h a s u s p e c t e d b r o k e n l e g late o n . A d a y of joy for LSE, a d a y of m i s e r y for I m p e r i a l . Key players simply didn't p e r f o r m o n the day, but spirits w e r e lifted at the a n n u a l Club D i n n e r after the g a m e w h e r e W a r r e n Brayn w a s n a m e d Player of The Year, F o u l s t o n e w a s the DJ, Shanidze was quiet and Psycho p r o v i d e d the e n te r ta i n m e n t" . The p r e s e n c e of A n d y H e e p s was m u c h appreciated a n d allayed r u m o u r s that n o - o n e l o v e s the footie club. ICUAFC 1 0 - 4 LSE I

ICUAFC II v RFH W i t h a faint h o p e of the title, IC s e c o n d s n e e d e d a w i n against R F H w h o h a d b e a t e n t h e m earlier in the season. These wise guys needed a l e s s o n . It w a s o n e of the t o u g h e s t m a t c h e s of the s e a s o n a n d a l s o o n e o f o u r bes t p e r f o r m a n c e s . Third t e a m ringer A n d y M u r p h y p l a y e d s u p e r b l y at c e n t r e - m i d , adding some m u c h needed weight t o the m i d f i e l d w h o g o t k i c k e d a b o u t in the last m a t c h . The first half w a s tight w i t h f e w c h a n c e s for either t e a m , but Ricky H a m the s e c o n d half o f o u r t h i r d t e a m c o m b o w a s f o r c e d into a s p e c t a c ular save t o k e e p the s c o r e s level at half t i m e . In the s e c o n d half o u r d e f e n c e took control with Rob and Andy l o o k i n g s u p e r b at the back. The pressure o n RFH g r e w and g r e w until T o n y v o l l e y e d h o m e in a c r o w d e d area t o put us a h e a d . But as w e p r e s s e d h o m e for t h e s e c o n d , R F H b r o k e in their first a t t a c k of the w h o l e half a n d s l o t t e d the ball into the net. W i t h our title challenge s l i p p i n g a w a y before o u r eyes, w e w e n t mental a n d threw e v e r y t h i n g at t h e m . They h e l d o n until the final 100 s e c o n d s w h e n , w i t h e v e r y o n e w a i t i n g for the w h i s tle, a d e e p c r o s s f r o m T o n y m e t Siat w h o v o l l e y e d t h e ball p a s t t h e k e e p e r a n d w o n the m a t c h for IC. ICUAFC II 2 I RFH

Results Camborne R S M H C 1 - 0 Camborne R S M W H C 0 - 2 Camborne RSMFC 2 - 4 Camborne RSMRFC 26 - 0 Camborne Skiing I C U S C I - 3rd I C U S C II 14th ICUICXWSC 2nd Hoc key I C U H C II 6 - I Kings I C U H C III 15 - 0 St Bart's Rugby M R F C 131 - 2 0 U M D S R F C I M R F C II 21 - 13 U M D S R F C S M H R F C 34 - 3 C X W R F C IMWRFC 1 5 - 1 0 UMDSRFC Football I C U A F C I 0 - 4 LSE I I C U A F C II 0 - 1 Q M W 111 I C U A F C III 0 - 1 LSE IV

13 M a r c h

1998

Editorial H u l l o m y Brethren. H e a v e n s t o M u r g a t r o i d ! W e have b e e n b u s y o f late. M a n y of our athletes have b e e n p e r f o r m i n g s p o r t i n g acts that border o n the H e r c u l e a n in their e n o r m i t y . S o m u l t i t u d i n o u s and diverse have your achievem e n t s b e e n that 1 regret that m y w o e f u l l y i n a d e q u a t e p a g e s have b e e n unable t o c o p e w i t h y o u r reports s o a n u m b e r of t h e m h a d to be e d i t e d t o the point of non-exist e n c e . D o not think that I h e l d y o u r reports in any less e s t e e m (even In the c a s e s w h e r e I d i d ) . Suffice t o say that w i t h every w o r d of y o u r articles that I edit, a little p i e c e of m e s e e m s t o d i e . I a p o l o g i s e also for t h e a b s e n c e o f p r e v i o u s l y neglected articles. This is d u e t o the influence of that d e s p i c a b l e ne'erd o - w e l l Bill G a t e s a n d his Insidious computer programs. O n another subject altogether, it s a d d e n s m e t o see that the football team's g o o d h u m o u r e d high spirits have again c a u s e d t h e m t o be thrust c e n t r e stage. This is o b v i ous ly n o n e of m y business s o I will c o m m e n t u p o n it n o further. Except t o say this. I myself have b e e n o n the r e c e i v i n g e n d of the w r a t h m e t e d o u t by h o t e l officials. I will not d w e l l o n the details of that sord i d affair, not the night of hell t o w h i c h the petty d e s p o t s of the M e t r o p o l i t a n p o l i c e subjected m e . h o w e v e r w h a t 1 d i d learn f r o m this lamentable o r d e a l is this: Hoteliers have a t e n d e n c y t o b l o w these things o u t of p r o p o r t i o n (whether or not for their o w n perverse satisfaction I will not speculate) a n d so o n e s h o u l d not neces-sarily attach t o o m u c h c r e d e n c e to the reports o n e hears. If the football t e a m w i s h to prev e n t a n o c c u r r e n c e of this unfortunate e p i s o d e , I can but c o m m e n d t o t h e m the a d v i c e of m y e s t e e m e d collaborator D a v i d . This diminutive F r e n c h m a n s u g g e s t e d that the m e m b e r s of the football club (and Indeed all Imperial athletes) s h o u l d become straight-edge punks. Understandably per-plexed, I inquired as t o the m e a n - i n g of this phrase. H e e x p l a i n e d that straight edge punks, amongst who's n u m ber he c o u n t s himself, are punks w h o s h u n a l c o h o l a n d i n d e e d drugs of all d e s c r i p t i o n . It s e e m s a bizarre n o t i o n a n d o n e t o w h i c h 1 certainly shall not Incline myself. H o w e v e r it's certainly s o m e t h i n g t o think about. D r o p the b o m b t h e m all.

exterminate

Jacob

iCU

EDS

Imperial College r

at A l e x a n d r a Palace Friday 19th June 1998

3-course dinner, drinks reception with string quartet, live band & disco, free travel to and from tlie event, Casino. £200 holiday voucher S^~~\ ifl

(Courtesy

of STA

Travel)

e ride to the

f]»

£ 4 5 Students: £ 5 0 Staff & A l u m n i A V A I L A B L E F R O M UNION OFFICE Dress: F o r m a l Travel: Tree coach or by Hiitish Hail lo Alexandra Palace Station, then lake lt'-'i bus ac.uk/S O f f i c e - 0171

://www

Inquiries: I n

Ball/ o«>4 8 0 6 0

NAME ADDRESS

TELEPHONE NO. I w o u l d like

Student tickets @ £ 4 5 each

I w o u l d like

Staff/Alumni tickets @ £ 5 0 each

(These tickets include ]

vegetarian options &

halal o p t i o n s )

I will N O T b e t r a v e l l i n g o n t h e free c o a c h

I e n c l o s e m y c h e q u e f o r t h e total s u m of £

Please

m a d e p a y a b l e t o 'Imperial C o l l e g e U n i o n '

TRAVEL INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED R O W A N HOUSE, 226 U N T H A N K ROAD N O R W I C H NR2 2A H E N G L A N D TELEPHONE: 0 160 3 4 64 123 F A C S I M I L E : 0 1603 464 124

E-Mail d.direct@dial.pipex.com H o m e Page http://www.westwind.co.uk/westwind/d-direct.html

Student Travel News In response to high prices charged to students, a n d to encourage safe a n d affordable travel, Dial-direct are introducing the N e w 1998 Student Varsity-Bond Travel Insurance Policy. The 'Varsity-Bond' is not available through your travel shops. By-passing the travel agent enables the savings to pass direct to you. Just look at the savings buying direct can make T h i n k i n g of taking a year out? 12 months Varsity-Bond - Plus comprehensive cover W o r l d w i d e from Dial-Direct costs ÂŁ286.00. Similar levels of cover through a student travel shop costs ÂŁ572.00 (+100%)!! In addition the low cost 'Adventures' option w i l l cover y o u for a wide range of outdoor activities, from snow-boarding to scuba-diving, hang-gliding to white-water rafting. Examination re-sit is covered as standard. The Varsity-Bond is renown for its outstanding value and provides all the essential protection required by students for W o r l d - W i d e travel, plus 24 hour Medical Emergency Services o n call 365-days a year b y the team at International Assistance Services L t d . Your satisfaction is assured by our 14-day full-refund guarantee. Please keep the enclosed application, and return free-post w h e n y o u are ready to travel. Yours faithfully, M a x Perry (Student Services) * Discounts are available for group bookings * D I A L DIRECT T R A V E L IN S U R A N CE SERVICES LIMITED: R E G I S T E R E D IN E N G L A N D A N D WALES C O M P A N Y CERTIFICATE No: 3136334

for STUDENTS

- direct - from

NEW 1998 VARSITY BOND

STUDENT TRAVEL INSURANCE specially designed for

Young and Independent Travellers departing from and returning to the United Kingdom *

UP TO 100% SAVING

E X A M I N A T I O N RE-SIT C O V E R

C O V E R F R O M 1 DAY TO 1 Y E A R

VARSITY OR VARSITY PLUS - 2 L E V E L S OF COVER A G E LIMITED TO 44 Y E A R S

* *

24-HOUR E M E R G E N C Y ASSISTANCE - 365 DAYS A Y E A R

G R O U P DISCOUNTS A V A I L A B L E

' A D V E N T U R E ' / ACTIVITY OPTION

14 DAY R E F U N D G U A R A N T E E " D O N ' T L E A V E H O M E W I T H O U T IT" supplied by

DIAL

- direct T R A V E L I N S U R A N C E S E R V I C E S L I M I T E D F A X : (01603) 464124 T E L : (01603) 464123 UNDERWRITTEN

THROUGH

A L L SEASONS UNDERWRITING AGENCIES ON BEHALF OF CERTAIN UNDERWRITERS

AT LLOYD'S

LTD.

BENEFITS A N D SUMS INSURED

VARSITY

MEDICAL A N D OTHER EXPENSES

If y o u fall ill o r h a v e a n a c c i d e n t while a b r o a d o r have to return to t h e U K d u e t o illness y or d e a t h t h e c o s t will be h i g h . Varsity # $ % d will c o v e r y o u f o r : * Your m e d i c a l bills & hospital a n d a m b u l a n c e c h a r g e s including e m e r g e n c y dental treatment for pain relief. A n y additional c o s t s of returning y o u to the U K ' including the u s e of a n Air A m b u l a n c e if medically required. * * T h e c o s t s of a relative o r f r i e n d o r q u a l i f i e d m e d i c a l attendant t o e s c o r t y o u h o m e .

PERSONAL LIABILITY

VARSITY

ÂŁ5

()**)+N

ÂŁ2

()**)+N

,- ./ /0

0 1 2 3 2 20

DEATH B Y ACCIDENT

0 12 32 20

0 1 2 3 2 20

PERMANENT DISABLEMENT

0 12 32 20

0 1 2 3 2 20

ÂŁ500

,5 .- /0

, 5. - /0

ÂŁ800

ÂŁ100

Y o u will b e c o v e r e d for y o u r l e g a l liability if y o u s h o u l d a c c i d e n t a l l y

e other p e r s o n s o r d a m a g e their

property.

L E G A L EXPENSES W e will p a y for l e g a l c o s t s a n d e x p e n s e s t o p u r s u e c o m p e n s a t i o n a r i s i n g from y o u r abroad.

y or death while

C o v e r is p r o v i d e d for l o s s of l i m b s a n d e y e s r e s u l t i n g f r o m a n a c c i d e n t .

HOSPITAL COMPENSATION A s well a s p a y i n g t h e m a i n m e d i c a l c o s t s w e will pay y o u a d d i t i o n a l c o s t s d u r i n g y o u r h o s p i t a l c o n f i n e m e n t .

L O S S O F DEPOSIT C A N C E L L A T I O N C U R T A I L M E N T RE-SIT E X A M I N A T I O N S D U E T O E X A M F A I L U R E T h e r e a r e m a n y f a c t o r s o u t s i d e y o u r c o n t r o l w h i c h c o u l d f o r c e y o u t o c a n c e l o r c u t s h o r t y o u r trip. T h e Varsity # $ % d p o l i c y will c o v e r t h e travel a n d a c c o m m o d a t i o n e x p e n s e s that y o u a r e liable to p a y o r h a v e already paid d u e to: * T h e illness a c c i d e n t o r d e a t h i n c l u d i n g h o s p i t a l i s a t i o n of y o u r s e l f o r a c l o s e relative travelling c o m p a n i o n 4 o r p e r s o n with w h o m y o u h a v e a r r a n g e d to stay. * Y o u b e i n g r e q u i r e d t o atten d a n e x a m i n a t i o n or y o u failing a n e x a m i n a t i o n (University o r equivalent) a n d b e i n g r e q u i r e d t o re-sit t h e e x a m i n a t i o n a s a result of w h i c h y o u have t o c a n c e l y o u r trip. * A l ! r e a s o n a b l e a d !" d i t i o n a l travelling e x p e n s e s returning y o u t o y o u r U K a d d r e s s d u e t o s e r i o u s illness s e v e r e y o r d e a t h of a relative o r c l o s e b u s i n e s s a s s o c i a t e .

MISSED DEPARTURE If y o u m i s s y o u r p r e - b o o k e d o u t w a r d or return flight 6 ferry c o a c h or train a s a result of a c c i d e n t or m e c h a n i c a l b r e a k d o w n of y o u r t r a n s p o r t t h e i n s u r a n c e will c o v e r t h e a d d i t i o n a l c o s t s o f a l t e r n a t i v e t r a v e l a n d accommodation.

TRAVEL DELAY Y o u will be c o m p e n s a t e d by ÂŁ20 for t h e first full 12 h o u r s a n d ÂŁ10 for e a c h s u b s e q u e n t 12 h o u r s d u r i n g y o u r delay . Y o u a l s o have t h e c h o i c e to c a n c e l y o u r trip if the d e l a y in the U K e x c e e d s 2 4 h o u r s a n d b e r e i m b u r s e d for all i r r e c o v e r a b l e c o s t s .

PERSONAL LUGGAGE D a m a g e o r l o s s t o l u g g a g e a n d p e r s o n a l effects is a c o n s t a n t risk w h i l e y o u a r e t r a v e l l i n g . T h e i n s u r a n c e will c o m p e n s a t e y o u u p t o ÂŁ250 for a s i n g l e article.

7 8 9 : ;0

LUGGAGE DELAY If y o u r l u g g a g e d o e s not arrive within 12 h o u r s o n y o u r o u t w a r d d e s t i n a t i o n y o u will b e c o m p e n s a t e d for n e c e s s a r y p u r c h a s e s - i n c l u d i n g t h e hire of e s s e n t i a l leisure e q u i p m e n t .

ÂŁ100

MONEY A N D TRAVEL DOCUMENTS W e will h e l p defray the theft o r l o s s o f m o n e y travellers c h e q u e s a n d credit c a r d s . T h e limit for c a s h is ÂŁ200. (ÂŁ100 for u n d e r 16) If y o u l o s e y o u r p a s s p o r t t i c k e t s or travel d o c u m e n t s while a b r o a d w e will p a y for t h e r e a s o n a b l e c o s t of o b t a i n i n g a r e p l a c e m e n t .

PASSPORT

ÂŁ500

ÂŁ200

HIIACK BENEFIT

ÂŁ500

M U G G I N G BENEFIT

ÂŁ250

4 Both the 'Varsity' and Varsity Plus have the facility of emergency services provided by International Assistance Services Ltd who will provide: * Multi-lingual assistance with Hospitals and Doctors * Repatriation arrangements and necessary escorts by a medical attendant. * Travel arrangements for other members of your party, or next of kin. * On arrival in the United Kingdom, an ambulance service to hospital or home.

MONEY BACK GUARANTEE f o e d <

ADVENTURES OPTION s =

d .

The Varsity and Varsity Plus A E

Varsity @ B A

0 - 5 Days

6-10 Days

B C ? A

11 -17 Days 18-24 Days

£12.50 £14.00

Varsity Plus

Varsity

Varsity Plus

Varsity

£10.50

£14.00

£16.00

£15.00

£17.50

£12.50

£16.00

£20.00

£18.00

£23.00

£14.00

DB C A ?

£24.00

£23.00

£27.00

£24.00

EB F A ?

£26.00

£32.00 £35.00

£16.00

25 - 31 Days

£15.50

£18.00

£27.00

£33.00

EB F A ?

Up to 6 Weeks

£20.50

£24.00

£38.00

£46.00

£42.00

HB F A ?

GB H A

Up to 2 Months

£24.00

£28.00

£46.00

£54.00

GB F A ?

Up to 3 Months

£38.00

£45.00

£64.00

£75.00

£68.00

£87.00

BC F A ?

CB F A ?

£116.00

£106.00

£126.00

Up to 4 Months

£48.00

£56.00

@B F A ?

Up to 5 Months

HB F A ?

IB F A ?

BG F A ?

DFB F A

£71.00

£84.00

£107.00

£130.00

DDB F A ?

£148.00

Up to 7 Months

£82.00

BI F A ?

£127.00

DGB F A ?

£144.00

£175.00

Up to 8 Months

BH F A ?

£112.00

£134.00

£158.00

£168.00

Up to 6 Months

DBB F A

Up to J Months

£106.00

£125.00

£154.00

D@B F A ?

£188.00

£228.00

Up to 10 Months

DDB F A ?

DKB F A ?

£161.00

DCB F A ?

£206.00

£248.00

Up to 11 Months

DEB F A ?

DG B F A ?

D@B F A ?

EFB F A ?

£218.00

£270.00

£168.00

DCB F A ?

EDB F A ?

EEB F A ?

£286.00

0 0

Up to 12 Months £142.00 e e

0 0

s y

APPLICATION P L E A S E USE BLOCK CAPITALS

C a r e f u l l y c h o o s e the level of p r o t e c t i o n y o u require i.e. Varsity or Varsity P l u s . Select the a r e a s to be v i s i t e d L a p p l y the h i g h e s t p r e m i u m if s e v e r a l a r e a s are b e i n g v i s i t e d . Select the total d u r a t i o n of your visit ( m a x i m u m 12 m o n t h s ) . A d d ' A d v e n t u r e s ' p r e m i u m if r e q u i r e d . Application from resident foreign students studying in the U K will be c o n s i d e r e d L but repatriation will be back to the U K and not to the country of origin. T C o m p l e t e your a p p l i c a t i o n in M NO P K P Q R S Q N S U V W X Y E a n d return t o g e t h e r with your p r e m i u m to the F R E E P O S T a d d r e s s below.

OR FOR IMMEDIATE COVER - PHONE 01603-464123 with your credit card details

N A M E S OF

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DATE D E P A R T I N G

PHONE NO.

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DIAL DIRECT TRAVEL INSURANCE SERVICES LIMITED FREEPOST ANG4027, 226 UNTHANK ROAD, NORWICH NR2 2BR