e 22
Imperial C
•03m{ ;m\
- vai
mM'trnm m4 ;
1999
e
1158
Registry refuse to block bailiff threat ANDREW OFORI
sary
Registry b u r e a u c r a c y a l m o s t h a d t h e bailiffs k n o c k i n g at student's
doors
forms
h a d been
sent.
Their
tried in a b s e n t i a a n d t h e magistrate
w e r e t o l d they w o u l d h a v e t o wait
details w o u l d then b e c h e c k e d a n d
h a d o r d e r e d baliffs t o arrive in t w o
a n o t h e r t w o d a y s . O n l y after a return
apologies made.
weeks.
trip t o M s . N e w t o n d i d they
A s the students w e r e not there t o
T h e letter
was dated
1 1
N o v e m b e r l e a v i n g t h e m only e l e v e n
receive
the p a p e r s . T h e certificates h a v e n o w b e e n
Council
defend themselves over the summer,
days t o save their p o s s e s s i o n s . T h e
f o r c e d students t o d e f e n d t h e m s e l v e s
the C o u n c i l b e c a m e c o n v i n c e d they
C o u n c i l w a s n o w insisting o n a n e w
sent t o the C o u n c i l , w h o h a v e p r o m ised t o c o n f i r m that baliffs will not b e
last w e e k
when
the local
h a d tax d o d g e r s o n their h a n d s a n d
e x e m p t i o n certificate a n d the students
West-
the b e m u s e d trio w e r e s u m m o n e d t o
rushed t o the Registry office in h o p e
sent, a n d that the students' credit rat-
minister C o u n c i l lost s o m e students'
court. O n e o f t h e m e x p l a i n e d " W e
of a saviour.
ings will r e m a i n intact. M s . N e w t o n
a g a i n s t e r r o n e o u s tax c l a i m s . The
chaos
started w h e n
w a s d i s m a y e d by t h e Registry office's
p a p e r w o r k a n d d e m a n d e d they p a y
were
reacted
They w e r e t o l d they w o u l d h a v e
c o u n c i l tax. A l l full-time students a r e
quickly,
Westminister
to wait a w e e k a n d w e r e frantic w h e n ,
l a c k o f c o m p a s s i o n : " T h e i r j o b is t o
e x e m p t f r o m the tax a n d o n l y n e e d to
C o u n c i l a n d o n c e a g a i n insisting that
having explained the desperation of
h e l p p e o p l e , if they c a n ' t d o their job
p r o v i d e their l o c a l C o u n c i l with a c e r -
their details h a d b e e n sent a n d they
the
tificate f r o m their Registry O f f i c e . Ev en
w e r e t o l d t h e necessary i n f o r m a t i o n
c h a n g e . . They b r o u g h t their c a s e t o
t h o u g h the three students w h o s h a r e d
h a d i n d e e d be e n received a n d the
I C U President T a s h a N e w t o n , w h o felt
the a c c o m m o d a t i o n h a d d o n e this,
case would be dropped.
the
the
Council
plagued
m o n t h l y calls last y e a r
them
with
demanding
really s t u n n e d . " They contacting
T h e students w e r e w h e n they
received
overwhelmed
a letter o n
14
situation,
the reply
did
n o t b e c a u s e they c a n ' t c o p e then they a r e
Registry's r e s p o n s e w a s "totally
s i m p l y not d o i n g their j o b . " O n e student w h o is l o o k i n g into taking legal action against Westmin-
u n a c c e p t a b l e " a n d t o o k the matter t o
ister C o u n c i l f o r h a r a s s m e n t
the D e p u t y A c a d e m i c Registrar. It w a s
"Registry a r e m o r e interested in their
stated
they pay. O n e a c h o c c a s i o n t h e i n d i -
N o v e m b e r informing them the court
a g r e e d the students c o u l d c ol l e c t their
own standard procedure and bureau-
v i d u a l s w o u l d e x p l a i n that the n e c e s -
c a s e h a d g o n e a h e a d , they h a d b e e n
f o r m s that d a y , but o n arrival
cracy than o u r n e e ds . "
they
Mammoth genetics research lab unites departments JIM G E A C H & SUNIL R A O
that t h e I m p e r i a l site is very o l d , a n d consequently the process has been
D e s p i t e r u m o u r s t o t h e c o n t r a r y , it
h a m p e r e d b y u n d e r l y i n g d e b r i s left
appears
over f r o m previous structures.
new
that
Multi-Disciplinary
Building
(MDRB)
and, weather tion
construction
ought
is w e l l
of the
The
Research
tion work
permitting, constructo be complete
on
still
is e x p e c t e d t o f i n i s h b y
J a n u a r y o r F e b r u a r y , with t h e b u i l d -
schedule.
ing o p e n i n g f o r use by N o v e m b e r 2 0 0 0 . A few mock-ups of the proj-
The new nine-storeyed building, located
b u i l d i n g is a p p a r e n t l y
on budget, th ou g h, a n d construc-
underway
behind
ect w e r e c o n s t r u c t e d b e f o r e
the Biochemistry
f o r p r o j e c t s this s i z e .
s c i e n t i f i c r e s e a r c h p r o j e c t s that a r e of a m u l t i d i s c i p l i n a r y n a t u r e , t o try
Artist's impression of the new project
R i c h a r d Toy a n d his t e a m a r e
a n d e n c o u r a g e better c o m m u n i c a tion between departments . Richard
Toy, M a j o r
c o n f i d e n t that sion,
Projects
M a n a g e r i n C o l l e g e ' s Estates D i v i -
being
r e j e c t e d , b u t a g a i n , that is n o r m a l
b u i l d i n g , is t o h o u s e a n d e n c o u r a g e
explained
that
construction
D an i e l F o r e m a n of the Heery
Pro-
MDRB
will
" t h e quality
surpass
that
of the of the
has b e e n put b a c k a w e e k d u e t o
ject M a n a g e m e n t C o m p a n y , w h o is
award-winning Sir A l e x a n d e r F l e m -
p r o b l e m s with d i g g i n g f o u n d a t i o n s .
co-ordinating the work,
ing b u i l d i n g . "
explained
2
x
s
The name's James. James@0-0-7.co.uk Exactly w h a t d o e s the
Union
do
ANDREW OFORI
C o l l e g e t h e r e is o n l y o n e t h i n g left
co.uk,
t o d o - b e c o m e t h e c o o l e s t m a n in
f o r m e r President will create s o m e -
year's
the w o r l d ! "
t h i n g of a m e d i a frenzy.
Hellard,
Funmail
allows
to
personalised
entrusted lo it by the C o l l e g e ? Many
will
remember
last
U n i o n P r e s i d e n t as D a v e
We
ence section with a
l o o k at
the
up
to
james@0-0-7.co.uk.
addresses
The f o r m e r I C U President, cur-
for e x a m p l e there was
a
response
Engalnd
rently
in
Maths
n a t u r e of scientific: study.
his
of
Joint
Computing,
year
has
final
and
f o r m e d a n o d d a l l i a n c e w i t h t h e email service Funmail.
His love of
J a m e s B o n d a n d his a p p r e c i a t i o n
Another
new
catering
for
section, the
this
time
consultant
or
W;;
h
using
domain
to their
last
they
are
hoping
the
G r a h a m G o o d k i n d of F u n m a i l described
how
the
company
names,
a l l o w e d users to c h o o s e a
num-
popular
ber of a d d r e s s e s f r o m over
5000
-
d o m a i n n a m e s a n d l i n k t h e m a l l to
Scotland releases where addresses
one
such
f o r w a r d i n t o t h e f u t u r e I t h i n k it's
as
name@lionheart.co.uk
and
name@braveheart.co.uk
were available.
They intend to use
inbox suggesting
g o i n g to c a t c h
"As w e
on".
He
go
felt the
s e r v i c e , w h i c h is " p a r t i c u l a r l y p o p -
of the free w e b - b a s e d e m a i l serv-
M r 0 - 0 - 7 . c o . u k as p u b l i c i t y v e h i -
ular a m o n g s t
ice
c l e a n d a r e t a k i n g c a r e of a l l his
u n i q u e stylish h u m o u r w i t h s o u n d
n a m e by d e e d p o l l t o j a m e s @ 0 - 0 -
costs as well as p r o v i d i n g him with
t e c h n o l o g i c a l service "The
7.co.uk.
some allowance.
l y i n g s y s t e m is t h e m o s t r o b u s t o n
has
led
him
The
to
move
change
is
his
attracting
To c o i n c i d e w i t h
interest f r o m n a t i o n a l press a n d a
t h e r e l e a s e of t h e n e w
photo
T h e World
shoot
for
p a p e r is a l r e a d y
• Up,
have
b u t y o u w o u l d in f a c t b e r e f e r r i n g
launch a new dedicated Sci-
20
users to
and
one
national
being
arranged.
new
ing
ing
President
of
Imperial
Bond
Enough
film
on
d a y , F u n m a i l is r e l e a s i n g o v e r
The rising star c o m m e n t e d , " H a v been
Is Not
Bond
domain names
New
50
planned
name@shaken-not-stirred.
mixed
a
under-
the m a r k e t . "
Fri-
includ-
students",
releases
currently
include
being
those
for
H a n u k k a h , C h r i s t m a s a n d the M i l lennium.
W e l f a re
In Brief A
C A M B R I D G E INITIATE N E W LINK-UP WITH MIT
and
ham's Professor David J a m e s , most
o f t h e i r t e a c h i n g . U n d e r the
partnership agreement
of the d i s c r i m i n a t i o n o c c u r s at the
ernment's
application stage, and consequent-
"name
Cambridge
University
between and
whites.
research,
the
According
conducted
to
by
the
Notting-
"excellent",
"approved"
and
"not
a p p r o v e d " a c c o r d i n g to the quality
preferred
and
shame",
receive
gov-
system
of
universities
M a s s a c h u s e t t s Institute of T e c h n o l -
ly it's a p p l i c a t i o n s p r o c e d u r e s that
which
o g y h a s b e e n h a i l e d by the g o v e r n -
a r e u n d e r review. A l t h o u g h q u a l i f i -
will b e c o n f e r r e d " b e a c o n " status.
excellence
T h e p a p e r g o e s o n to s u g g e s t that
awards
m e n t as a " p a t h - b r e a k i n g i n n o v a -
c a t i o n s a r e n o t a n i s s u e , Prof J a m e s
Prince, l-War, Ed TV, F o u r K n i g h t ;
t i o n " w h i c h will f o r m the b a s i s f o r
b e l i e v e s that a s k i n g p e o p l e to list
continued excellence "could prop-
in
t h e f u t u r e of g l o b a l h i g h e r e d u c a -
activities
tion.
good
Knaresborough,
Carrie
2,
A b o m i n a t i o n . . . t h e list is e n d l e s s .
erly b e r e g a r d e d as a b e a c o n that
(empathising,
time
others
qualities
should
plans
still s k e t c h y , as t h e d e a l h a s s o f a r
t i s i n g , c a r i n g etc) is t h e p r o b l e m , as
compromise
only received
women
cellors
approval from
both
and
s i d e s in t e r m s of b r o a d p r i n c i p l e s ,
involved
but
activities.
it is a l r e a d y
million.
£84
known
that
the
Of
this, £ 6 8
million
w ill c o m e f r o m the T r e a s u r y ' s C a p -
whites
in
more
tend
to
get
extracurricular
ham
has
asked
its a p p l i c a n t s
to
rather
O t h e r m e d i c a l schools are devising
donations.
action
areas
of
will h a v e f o u r activity:
broad
integrated
than
just
plans,
Council
of
results
g r a m m e s in i n n o v a t i o n a n d entre-
with interest.
undergraduate
cation;
the
and
creation
listing
activities.
encouraged Heads
of
by
of
Nottingham's
the
changes
of
a
between
and
the
jp on
lt_ s
lower
ilh v o l l e y b a l l , net-
Vice
t o the
a
Chan-
Government,
feedback
yet
but
proposals
before
a
new
quality
control
a n d a u d i t s y s t e m is f i n a l l y a g r e e d .
MASSIVE N E W F U N D I N G FOR BIOTECH CENTRES T h e g o v e r n m e n t is set t o a n n o u n c e a p r o g r a m m e t o p u m p m i l l i o n s of pounds
into
biotechnology avail-
a b l e to h e l p key i n s t i t u t i o n s c o o r d i -
" B E A C O N " STATUS O F F E R E D T O T O P UNIVERSITIES
n a t e the g r o w t h of h i g h - t e c h " c l u s t e r s " , as r e c o m m e n d e d in a r e p o r t commissioned
MED SCHOOLS ACT TO END DISCRIMINATION
These
provide
r e s e a r c h . T h e f u n d s will be
edu-
National Competitiveness Network.
to
the
Medical
S c h o o l s , a n d will b e w a t c h i n g
research; professional practice pro-
preneurship:
emulate".
designed
d e t a i l e x p e r i e n c e s f r o m t h e i r lives,
r e m a i n d e r e m a n a t e s f r o m industry
The C M I
mixed
are
s u g g e s t s t h a t it c o u l d b e s o m e t i m e
A s a result, this y e a r N o t t i n g -
ital M o d e r n i s a t i o n F u n d , whilst t h e
ted w o r i d ?
Mountaineers
their
management, teamworking, priori-
" C M I " w i l l h a v e f u n d i n g of at least
The
demonstrate
are
D e t a i l s of the f i n a l p r o j e c t
A rec
that
The Quality Assurance Agency redrafted
it's
plans
for
has
assessing
Lord
by s c i e n c e
minister
University
spin-off
Sainsbury.
c o m p a n i e s c o u l d also be big win-
universities o n c e a g a i n . V i c e C h a n -
n e r s , with hefty g o v e r n m e n t
M e d i c a l s c h o o l s a c r o s s the c o u n t r y
cellors have been
over
i n g o n offer. P r i m e t a r g e t s f o r initial
are
t h r e e w e e k s to r e s p o n d to a
pro-
funding
acting
to
counter
recent
r e s e a r c h w h i c h s u g g e s t s that t h e r e
posed
framework
is a n u n w i t t i n g b i a s t o w a r d s w o m e n
universities
into
given
that three
just
will
would
appear
back-
to
band
O x f o r d , M a n c h e s t e r , Surrey,
categories,
bridge, D u n d e e a n d Cardiff.
be
Cam-
s
2
Liberal Willis impressed by IC's apolitical stance SUNIL R A O
not a part of the N U S , that IC h a s a large proportion of overseas stu-
Tuesday
1 6 N o v e m b e r s a w a visit
dents a n d that m a n y of the h o m e
to I C U b y Phil W i l l i s , L i b e r a l D e m o -
students c o m e from affluent b a c k -
crat M P f o r H a r r o g a t e a n d Knares-
g r o u n d s . H e w a s interested to note
borough, party
in h i s c a p a c i t y
as the
spokesperson o n Education
h o w a p o l i t i c a l the U n i o n is, with n o particularly political
a n d E m p l o y m e n t in Parliament. M r Willis, w h o has been a pro-
vociferous
organizations
student under the
b a n n e r of I C U . H e d i d not seem
(for Burnley
unduly surprised to find that, unlike
FC), football c o a c h , youth worker,
m a n y student u n i o n s , I C U d o e s not
fessional
footballer
Council
Leader
and
Headteacher
for o n e of Leeds' largest c o m p r e -
have
a LibDem
society
u n d e r its
wings.
defeating
M r Willis w a s a c c o m p a n i e d by
N o r m a n L a m o n t a t t h e last G e n e r -
Robert Browne, the Liberal D e m o c -
hensive
schools, before
al Election, c a m e d o w n f o r a chat
rat
with a n u m b e r o f m e m b e r s o f I C U
election
candidate
Council
in T h u r s d a y ' s by-
for the Kensington a n d
at
Chelsea
seat,
Imperial feel a b o u t various political
Natasha
Newton
issues.
Tim
about
h o w students
M r Willis e x p r e s s e d his c o n c e r n that
Imperial
College,
despite
being s o large, a p p e a r e d to have
a n d w a s m e t by ( I C U President),
(Deputy
Trailor
C l u b s & Societies), (Deputy
President
Welfare),
President -
Kevin
Butcher
- Education
David
Hellard
t a k e n little p a r t i n t h e v a r i o u s s t u -
james@0-0-7.co.uk
dent
dent),
&
Willis (2nd from right) with Sabbaticals
Photo: Gareth Morgan
aka
(ex-ICU Presi-
Coincidentally,
M i c h a e l Por-
Kensington the s a m e morning. M r
(Academic
t i l l o , Tory c a n d i d a t e f o r t h e K e n s -
P o r t i l l o s p o k e a t C o l l e g e last
against the introduction o f tuition
Affairs O f f i c e r - City & G u i l d s C o l -
ington & C h e l s e a by-election, w a s
day,
f e e s . It w a s p u t t o h i m t h a t I C U is
lege Union).
seen
r e p o r t next w e e k .
demonstrations
protesting
R o b Haslehurst
Careers Fair Flourishes i n g salary' a w a r d at ÂŁ 2 8 , 0 0 0 ) a n d
GARETH M O R G A N Last W e d n e s d a y ' s I C U C a r e e r s
Fair
careers
with
Logica
or Arup,
t h e r e w a s plenty t o c h o o s e f r o m .
attracting
T h e o n l y real p r o b l e m with t h e
a l m o s t fifty of t h e w o r l d ' s t o p g r a d u -
event h a d been the m a r q u e e erect-
a
great
success,
around
South
hopes
Fri-
to bring a
Darwin Development SUNIL R A O
a c c e s s t o its r e s e a r c h c o l l e c t i o n s ,
Everybody knows a b o u t the N a t u r -
entomology
al History M u s e u m - rocks, fossils,
Museum
currently
dinosaur
hundred
scientists, a n d the
mostly
Deloitte C o n s u l t i n g , to more technical
was
campaigning
a n d Felix
skeletons,
earthquake
exhibits. A b i g , impressive-looking
relating
to the fields of
a n d botany. employs
The three new
project will finally b r i n g their w o r k
that
into the limelight. Plans a r e afoot
was a
C o m b i n e d with t h e b u i l d i n g w o r k s ,
IC students c a n g e t into f o r free,
to h o l d talks a n d d e m o n s t r a t i o n s
wide r a n g e of c o m p a n i e s , as well a s
this h a d m a d e a c c e s s t o the U n i o n a
t h o u g h very f e w ever d o s o in t h e
from
the C o l l e g e C a r e e r s S e r v i c e p r e s e n t .
problem.
years they s p e n d h e r e , a n d a great
staff, a n d f o r live v i d e o l i n k s i n t o
tourist attraction.
the r e s e a r c h labs s o that m e m b e r s
ate
employers
thousand
a n d around two
students.
There
F r o m high-flying C i t y j o b s with the likes o f C h a s e M a n h a t t a n
Bank
(winner o f fhe 'highest q u o t e d start-
ed
in t h e m i d d l e
o f Beit
Quad.
A s Felix w e n t t o p r e s s ,
h o w e v e r , t h e r e h a d b e e n n o reports of W e d n e s d a y n i g h t revellers injuring themselves o n the glass d o o r s .
building
on Cromwell
With
Road
any museum,
there's
of the p u b l i c c a n actually s e e a n d hear
scenes
being carried out.
- not all related
to the
a n d maintenance
for themselves
The
of
the work
ÂŁ 1 0 0 million centre
will
objects meant for display o r to be
also offer p u b l i c acces s t o the c o l -
kept
lections
in t h e c o l l e c t i o n - a n d t h e
Natural
exception.
Museum amount
database
the M u s e u m
Museum
is n o
maintains, which includes identifi-
It s h o u l d c o m e
as no
cation guides relating to the natu-
History
surprise therefore t o find that the takes
part
in a
of scientific
ral w o r l d a n d c o n s e r v a t i o n . W o r k is c u r r e n t l y b e i n g c a r r i e d
fair
research,
out
o n the topics
such
rain,
T h i s r e s e a r c h is t o b e b r o u g h t t o
study of d i s e a s e s r a n g i n g f r o m bil-
the f o r e , a s p l a n s f o r a " n e w s c i -
harzia
ence initative" a r e unveiled.
onchocerciasis
Darwin
Centre,
d u e to
The
parasitic wasps
as acid
m o s t l y in t h e f i e l d o f b i o d i v e r s i t y .
The
Photo: Stephen Hughes
of the scientific
a l w a y s lots o f a c t i v i t y b e h i n d t h e
acquisition
The Beit marquee full of prospects
members
a n d o n the
(schistosomiasis)
Museum
(river currently
to
blindness). h a s part-
o p e n t o the p u b l i c in the s u m m e r
n e r s h i p s i n o v e r sixty c o u n t r i e s , i n
of 2 0 0 2 ,
a d d i t i o n t o t h e w o r k it c a r r i e s o u t
will a l l o w
members of
the g e n e r a l p u b l i c u n p r e c e d e n t e d
here in Britain.
I
22
e
1999
ICU DAVID R O B E R T S
s e n t e n c e ) . T h e b i g d i f f e r e n c e h e r e is t h a t , a s w e ' r e a bunch
Imperial
College
U n i o n - w h a t is it? It's t h a t b i g
of Imperial
College
students,
we're
much
b i g g e r s t i c k l e r s f o r r u l e s a n d r e g u l a t i o n s . If t h e l e t t e r
b r i c k b u i l d i n g s u r r o u n d e d by b u i l d e r s , w h e r e t h e b a r
o f t h e l a w (or, f r o m t i m e t o t i m e , t h e l e t t e r o f a fif-
is, right? Y e p , that's t h e o n e surely - c o u p l e of b a r s ,
teen
s o m e r e a l l y c h e e s y m u s i c , lots o f d r u n k f o o t b a l l e r s ,
can't d o something then, g o d d a m i t , we're g o i n g to
o c c a s i o n a l party, that k i n d of t h i n g . . . S o u n d like y o u r
g o t o g r e a t p a i n s t o m a k e s u r e t h a t n o - o n e d o e s it.
view of the U n i o n ? either been politics
year o l d book
of regulations)
says that y o u
P r o b a b l y - if it i s n ' t t h e n y o u ' v e
C o n s e q u e n t l y , it c a n b e p a i n f u l l y d i f f i c u l t t o g e t c e r -
s u c k e d into the murky w o r l d of U n i o n
tain t h i n g s d o n e , a s n o - o n e w a n t s t o tell y o u h o w t o
o r you're
o n e o f t h e f e w first y e a r ' s w h o
b e n d t h e rules to g e t a r o u n d t h e r e l e v a n t s t u m b l i n g
a c t u a l l y b o t h e r e d to trek a l l t h e w a y t h r o u g h ( a n d
b l o c k . . . O d d l y , it's the s a m e
t a k e in) t h i s y e a r ' s U n i o n
much
Handbook.
p r o b l e m that
of the Sherfield A d m i n M o n s t e r
pervades
(except
that
t h e U n i o n staff, s a b b a t i c a l s a n d s t a f f d o a t l e a s t t e n d So,
a m I g o i n g to wheel
advert o n c e a g a i n ? my
usual
about
stream
time
out the standard
Union
W e l l , actually, n o . Rather
of praise
that w e l o o k e d
after a l l , the C o l l e g e
than
a n d PR, it's p r o b a b l y beneath
the surface -
to s m i l e a n d a c t in a f r i e n d l y m a n n e r w h i l s t t e l l i n g y o u that the a n s w e r
is a r e s o u n d i n g " n o " ) .
other h a n d , however, rigid
O n the
a s o l i d o b e d i e n c e to a fairly
set o f g u i d e l i n e s
does
mean
that,
provided
entrusts th e residents o f th e
e v e r y t h i n g y o u w a n t t o d o lies w i t h i n t h o s e l i n e s , get-
Q u a d with ÂŁ 7 5 0 0 0 0 o n y o u r b e h a l f every year, s o
t i n g t h i n g s d o n e c a n b e a w a l k in t h e p a r k , r e q u i r -
w h a t a r e t h e y d o i n g w i t h it a l l ?
In s i m p l i s t i c t e r m s ,
ing t w o minutes of your time ( a n d half a d o z e n sig-
that a m o u n t s to ÂŁ 7 5 p e r student h e a d - a n d that's
n a t u r e s ) - just try s e t t i n g u p y o u r o w n c l u b a n d y o u ' l l
before y o u take into a c c o u n t other i n c o m e including
an annual
trading
surplus
streams
in exces s o f
(hopefully) d i s c o v e r that it's n o t actually very difficult to g e t y o u r h a n d s o n U n i o n
money.
ÂŁ 1 5 0 0 0 0 . S o , d o y o u think that you're getting y o u r 75 quids worth?
C h e c k outthe opposite page f o r a
t h o r o u g h b r e a k d o w n of where your money's
going,
S o , q u e s t i o n s o f b u r e a u c r a t i c p r o b l e m s a s i d e , is t h e U n i o n truly d e m o c r a t i c ?
W e l l , p o i n t o n e , t u r n o u t is
and make up your o w n mind.
l o w . V e r y l o w . Last y e a r l e s s t h a n 1 0 % o f t h e C o l l e g e
First o f a l l , h o w e v e r ,
whilst s o m e C o n s t i t u e n t C o l l e g e U n i o n a n d D e p Rep
actually b o t h e r e d to vote in t h e s a b b a t i c a l e l e c t i o n s , I'm g o i n g t o l o o k a t a f e w o f
the other accusations which a r e frequently
levelled
at I C U . . .
e l e c t i o n s s a w y o u r represen tativ e s e l e c t e d by a literal
of peopl e
handful
- a
situation
couldn't be described as d e m o c r a c y
that
certainly
in a c t i o n . But
w h o ' s to b l a m e ? T h e oft q u o t e d e x p l a n a t i o n f o r the ridiculously
low turnout
comparable The
first
Union
i m p r e s s i o n that
most
newcomers
to the
( n e w l y e l e c t e d c l u b o f f i c e r s a n d t h e like) g e t
cracy
inescapable
would
make
the
w o r l d of Dilbert l o o k s t r e a m l i n e d . A p a r t f ro m really b a d P R , is t h i s v i e w o f e n d l e s s c o m m i t t e e
meetings
with
f a c t , is
many
other
b o t h e r v o t i n g if e v e r y t h i n g s e e m s t o b e g o i n g w e l l . Maybe.
that
in a c t u a l
terms
u n i o n s a c r o s s t h e c o u n t r y ) is t h a t n o - o n e ' s g o i n g t o
is t h a t i t ' s h o p e l e s s l y e m b r o i l e d i n a l e v e l o f b u r e a u a n d faux-democracy
(which,
in p e r c e n t a g e
to
More
the
adherence
point, to
the
an
seemingly
apolitical
stance
ensures that e l e c t i o n s a r e n e v e r d e c i d e d o n policy, personal
politics
(which s e e m t o talk a r o u n d issues f o r h o u r s , whilst
t u r n o u t will r e m a i n
leaving all the real decision s to be m a d e b e h i n d the
like there's
a
or
affiliations.
In
all
honesty,
l o w until there g e n u i n e l y
difference
between
looks
the candidates.
certainly no e n d of c o m -
Last y e a r w e s a w f o u r t e e n c a n d i d a t e s s t a n d f o r s a b -
m i t t e e s a t t a c h e d in s o m e w a y s h a p e o r f o r m t o t h e
b a t i c a l p o s i t i o n s (myself i n c l u d e d ) a n d , a p a r t f r o m a
r u n n i n g o f t h e U n i o n , a l l with their o w n i m p e n e t r a -
c o u p l e of more "extreme" choices, there w a s practi-
ble set of a c r o n y m s , c u s t o m s a n d rules - h o w e v e r ,
cally nothing to c h o o s e
t h i s is t r u e o f s t u d e n t m o v e m e n t s a s a w h o l e . It'd b e
personality,
very
A n d if t h a t ' s t h e c a s e , w h y b o t h e r v o t i n g a t a l l ? U n t i l
scenes) true? W e l l , there's
dangerous
t o let s t u d e n t s
with
no
previous
e x p e r i e n c e a n d v e r y little t r a i n i n g l o o s e w i t h
gender,
between
department
them
apart
a n d hair
from
colour.
thou-
we get a decen t Jeffrey A r c h e r v K e n Livingstone bat-
s a n d s o f p o u n d s of t a x p a y e r s m o n e y o r the safety of
t l e , t u r n o u t is g o i n g t o c o n t i n u e t o c r a w l a l o n g t h e
several
h u n d r e d students - that's why most
floor.
unions
make
undergrads
a b i g play to important
of electing three sounding
student million
positions a n d
t h e n l e t t h e p e r m a n e n t staff g e t o n w i t h a c t u a l l y r u n -
On
the other
side
of the c o i n ,
n i n g t h e p l a c e . In t h i s r e s p e c t , I C U is n o d i f f e r e n t -
r u n t h i n g s i n a ( m o r e o r less)
they're
just l e s s p r o f i c i e n t a t h i d i n g t h e p a r t i c u l a r l y
Whilst
some
boring
committees
around
them
under
the carpet
(if I a c t u a l l y
s t o p p e d t o tell y o u w h a t t h e l i k e s o f H o u s e C o m m i t -
however,
once
a
g r o u p of officers h a v e b e e n e l e c t e d they d o tend to
m a y attempt
democratic fashion.
to
steamroller
those
in a n a t t e m p t t o f u r t h e r t h e i r C V o r
p e r s o n a l a g e n d a , the f o r c e d a d h e r e n c e to that c o m -
tee o r Student D e v e l o p m e n t C o m m i t t e e actually d i d ,
plex
you'd be asleep before you reached the e n d ofthe
thing controversial d o n e
committee
structure
means is d a m n
that
getting
any-
h a r d . N o - o n e is
1999
22
r e a l l y t h e b o s s (the U n i o n
President can't
order the other sabbaticals about)
actually
a n d the perma-
nent staff a r e strictly l i m i t e d t o n o n - p o l i c y m a k i n g ,
This year, t h e U n i o n ' s i n c o m e will total s o m e t h i n g in
Civil Service - e s q u e roles ( a s s u m i n g that the Civ il
the r e g i o n of ÂŁ 9 3 0 0 0 0 (not i n c l u d i n g profits f r o m
Service
ran cheesy
substances),
c l u b nights a n d sold
most importantly, however,
curry-like it's d e m o -
the b a r s , s h o p a n d c a t e r i n g , w h i c h a r e a c c o u n t e d f o r in a s e p a r a t e
"Strategic
Reserve"
which
funds
you c a n get involved a n y time you
m a j o r c a p i t a l p r o j e c t s like t h e Beit b a s e m e n t r e f u r b ) .
w a n t t o - just t u r n u p t o U n i o n C o u n c i l o r E x e c a n d
This year, this n o t i n s i g n i f i c a n t pile o f c a s h will b e
m a k e yourself heard.
spent approximatel y as follows:
cratic b e c a u s e
e
CLUBS (23%) ADMIN
(19%)
Apr C C U s (13%)
STAFF SALARIES (27%)
.^^^1^
SABB SALARIES
C l e a r n o w ? N o , I t h o u g h t not. S o m e m o r e e x p l a n a t i o n
you're getting your m o n e y ' s worth...
p r o b a b l y w o u l d n ' t g o a m i s s . Right, s o w h a t d o the cate g o r i e s a b o v e m e a n a n d w h e r e d o e s that m o n e y g o ?
[ staff salaries ]
[ clubs ]
of c o n t i n u i t y , b a s e d a r o u n d s o m e d a m n f i n e p e r m a -
The U n i o n wouldn't function without a b a c k b o n e
C l u b s a r e f u n d e d t h r o u g h seven different g r o u p ings : sports, m e d i a , culture, overseas, s o c i a l ,
recre-
n e n t staff. A l t h o u g h t h e staff w h o run a n d m a n t h e . b a r s , catering a n d events a r e p a i d for o u t o f t r a d i n g
a t i o n a l a n d S i l w o o d P a r k . O f t h e s e , s p o r t s is f a r a n d
revenue,
a w a y t h e b i g g e s t winner, p i c k i n g u p s o m e t h i n g in t h e
p a r t - t i m e (ie student)
r e g i o n o f ÂŁ 8 0 0 0 0 in U n i o n g r a n t , p r i n c i p a l l y to s u b -
p o r t i o n o f the f u n d i n g c a k e , r e q u i r i n g nigh-on a q u a r -
s i d i s e t r a v e l t o m a t c h e s , a f f i l i a t i o n f e e s a n d kit. H o w -
ter o f a m i l l i o n p o u n d s t o k e e p t h e U n i o n r u n n i n g .
the salaries of the r e m a i n i n g full-time a n d staff still m a k e s u p t h e l a r g e s t
ever, t h e b i g g e s t i n d i v i d u a l w i n n e r is Felix itself, w h i c h picks u p ÂŁ 2 0 0 0 0 in subsidy, plus a s a b b a t i c a l editor
[ admin ]
(ie a r o u n d ÂŁ 3 3 5 0 0 i n t o t a l ) . N i c e .
The
least
fun element
of a n y organisation
administration, a n d as so much
[ ecus ]
is
of what the U n i o n
d o e s is v o l u n t a r y , it p r o b a b l y l o o k s l i k e it o c c u p i e s a
The lions s h a r e o f the ÂŁ 1 2 0 0 0 0 o r s o that
heads
worryingly large portion of the funds a v a i l a b l e .
Union
ever, a l t h o u g h m u c h o f this s e c t i o n is a c c o u n t e d f o r by
( s o m e t h i n g l i k e ÂŁ 8 0 0 0 0 this y e a r ) t o f u n d c l u b a n d
t h e m o r e m u n d a n e i t e m s (stationary, t r a v e l , d e p r e c i a -
society
t i o n a n d t h e l i k e ) , I've a l s o l u m p e d t h i n g s like e l e c -
in t h e d i r e c t i o n o f t h e C C U s
activity
(which
goes to I C S M
isn't i n c l u d e d
in t h e s e c t i o n
How-
above). There's also a fewthousand pounds for C C U
tions,
publications
" a d m i n " b r a c k e t , s o a t l e a s t s o m e o f it is a c t u a l l y p r o -
(ahem),
mascotry
a n d Exec
expenses -
note that n o - o n e gets a n y m o n e y t o subsidise s o c i a l
marketing
a n d welfare
provision
into the
viding useful services.
events, so all d i n n e r s , balls, shows a n d discos must break even.
[ miscellaneous ]
[ sabbatical salaries ]
I'm n o t q u i t e s u r e w h a t ' s a c c o u n t e d f o r by that i n n o -
E r m . . . w e l l i t ' s t h e stuff left o v e r , a n d t o b e h o n e s t
T h i s y e a r w e h a v e six s a b b a t i c a l s ( f o u r U n i o n o f f i c e r s , t h e Felix E d i t o r a n d t h e M e d S c h o o l
President),
cent l o o k i n g 9 % . At a guess I suspect that m a i n t a i n i n g the
minibus
f leet
a n d providing
f o r the
all r e c e i v i n g a salary l i n k e d t o the s t a n d a r d P h D grant,
m i n i b u s service a r e in there s o m e w h e r e ,
i n c l u d i n g a free hall r o o m as part of the d e a l . E a c h
s i m i l a r fluffy stuff like t h e d a y n u r s e r y
o n e costs a p p r o x i m a t e l y ÂŁ1 3 5 0 0 , s o I h o p e y o u think
d e v e l o p m e n t . V e r y n i c e , I'm s u r e .
women's
along
with
a n d student
5
x
e
6
What is Science?
D
e
T h i s is I m p e r i a l and
What is logic?
? Science
College
of S c i e n c e ,
Technology
M e d i c i n e , a n d all of y o u will h a v e t a k e n
science subject at s o m e point, a n d m a y b e doing
science
right
now. O r are you?
really a difference b e t w e e n carrying
out science?
a
you're
Is
there
studying science a n d
D o w e really
know
what
ills.
investigates
d e a l of time here learning a n d a p p l y i n g scientific k n o w l e d g e , it's e a s y
to lose sight of scientific
reasoning.
work
edited
Laboratory
version
of discovery
will
consist
- y o u will
of a n
i m p o r t a n t a n d correct t e c h n i q u e s f o r w o r k i n g in a l a b , but y o u will rarely h a v e to c o m e u p with a
s c i e n c e i s ? O v e r t h e n e x t f e w m o n t h s I'll b e t r y i n g
hypothesis a n d g o t h r o u g h the entire process f o r
to f i n d o u t m o r e a b o u t t h e s c i e n c e t h a t g o e s o n
y o u r s e l f . W o r s e s t i l l , i n t h e first f e w y e a r s ,
in t h i s p l a c e a n d w h a t it is a b o u t s c i e n c e
e x p e r i m e n t s a r e set o u t in t h e script b e f o r e y o u ,
which
m a k e s it s u c h a p o w e r f u l f o r m o f h u m a n t h o u g h t . It's
B C , a n d what
1,500,000
become
downtown
Cairo
is
will
your
one day home
t o n i g h t , a series of c a v e s a n d shelters. your
many
natural
know
about
n o requirement to follow a pattern
soning to reach which
make
generally
u p the majority
of scientists
and
although
fear
scientists, or
it,
y o u u s e it t o
these
largely
fires
on
come.
of this
w h y is t h i s s o i m p o r -
tant?
Well,
edge
only
scientific goes
knowl-
s o far, a n d
scientific
when
be e x p e c t e d to use their s c i -
reasoning
frontiers further. They will n o t be
a
spark
able
being
entists.
They
must
know
t o d o this
able
without
to think
like
h o w to acquire
scinew
facts, as well as a p p l y current k n o w l e d g e - o t h e r -
C o u l d they b e u s e d t o m a k e fires? Y o u take
some
wise scientific progress stops. S o why aren't
small twigs a n d dry leaves, things y o u k n o w
burn
s e c o n d n a t u r e t o t h e w h o l e C o l l e g e by n o w ?
rea-
e n o u g h time. Imperial didn't get to where
it is b y
t u r n i n g o u t g r a d u a t e s w h o think by pure
reason,
easily. Y o u a d d a s p a r k . . .
Probably
o u r ancestors
used
s o n o r a l u c k y c h a n c e t o m a k e fire will
probably
the only answer
but don't e v e n k n o w the basics of c a l c u l u s .
Observation,
ever, there's t i m e in a t h r e e o r f o u r y e a r c o u r s e t o
ment,
perform
experiment,
learn
design
collect
something
experi-
results,
new. This
f u n d a m e n t a l scientific m e t h o d , from which thing w e study here
draw
teach
something
extra.
Maybe
our
How-
scientists
is t h e
w o u l d b e a b l e to c o m m u n i c a t e with a m u c h
every-
e r s e c t i o n o f t h e p u b l i c if, i n s t e a d o f a l a n g u a g e , the
comes.
Humanities
Department
began
larg-
to revive the
scientist
a l m o s t f o r g o t t e n a n c i e n t skills of l o g i c a n d rhet-
will k n o w t h e u n d e r l y i n g p r o c e s s e s b e h i n d a sys-
o r i c . I m a g i n e a r g u i n g in F r e n c h w i t h o u t s p e a k i n g
t e m , s o it's n a i v e t o d e s c r i b e s o m e o n e
it t o a r e a s o n a b l e
It's
been
argued
in t h e p a s t that
a
so primi-
tive a s a s c i e n t i s t . H e w o u l d k n o w n o t h i n g o f t h e physics of a f l a m e example, while think f o r a study
or the chemistry
of iron, f o r
a true scientist w o u l d .
moment
about
and application
what
However,
science
of a c q u i r e d
is; the
knowledge,
and the discovery of n e w k n o w l e d g e through the scientific
method.
In s h o r t , s c i e n t i f i c
knowledge
degree
of fluency. Logic
gave
persuasion
and communication. There
o p t i o n in S c i e n c e rarely .taken edge. be
C o m m u n i c a t i o n a v a i l a b l e , but
u p , while
l o g i c is a s s u m e d
In a n a g e w h e r e
1
' i
'
I
will !•:
the
most
developmental
force
on
which
surely these
should be considered
as l e a r n i n g a f o r e i g n
a lt.ni . I
knowl-
c o m m u n i c a t e with the g e n e r a l p u b l i c w o r l d - w i d e ,
c o a t y e t , y o u c o u l d still c o n s i d e r h i m t o b e a s c i -
•
s c i e n c e is c o n s i d e r e d t o
ically-minded
white
.I •
is a n
person w h o thinks scientifically. S o whilst o u r l o g a
'I
m e t h o d , w h i l e r h e t o r i c is t h e h i g h l y d e v e l o p e d a r t of
p r o g r e s s d e p e n d s , yet s c i e n t i s t s a r e l e s s a b l e t o
may not have
;
cables.
b i r t h t o s c i e n c e a n d is t h e b a s i s o f t h e s c i e n t i f i c
a n d scientific r e a s o n i n g . S o a scientist c a n be a
caveman
;
causing m
is t h a t t h e r e ' s n o t
used.
hypothesis,
i
these
n e v e r b e k n o w n . B u t l o o k a t t h e m e t h o d y o u just
conclusions,
as
important
language?
entist. Unfortunately,
while
:
entific r e a s o n i n g to push the
a l m o s t like a tiny fire. C o u l d t h e s e b e tiny fires?
course, whether
;
tists, c u r r e n t l y i n t r a i n i n g , w i l l
stops."
But o n e
day y o u n o t i c e that a s h a r p flint m a k e s
Of
' i: :
i
the next g e n e r a t i o n o f s c i e n -
y o u r a d v a n t a g e , y o u a r e still dependent
which
lead to the discovery
So
be able to think like
with t h e m , h e a t a n d light. A l l animals
saying
little o f t h e r e a s o n i n g
must
Some-
w e a t h e r b r i n g l a r g e fires a n d
other
facts, while
.!-
will
fact.
times l i g h t n i n g strikes o r h o t
the
,
lectures,
of the c o u r s e ,
consist of relaying
which
But y o u
flames.
entire
of r e a -
your conclusion. Even
"The next generation
disease
and the large animals in the d a r k .
Amongst
with
enemies
you c a n count c o l d ,
linger
for
f.onti\ A
learn the
we may spend
a
JOHN
great
! "# $! e
CLIFFORD
% & '( ) &*
C o n s i d e r i n g a c a r e e r in s c i e n t i f i c j o u r n a l i s m ? N e e d p r a c t i c e of w r i t i n g s c i e n t i f i c a l l y ? O r just w a n t to write a b o u t s o m e t h i n g t h a t interests y o u ? W h y not use the s c i e n c e c o l u m n to a d d r e s s the w h o l e of c o l l e g e ? Either e - m a i l j o h n . c l i f f o r d @ i c . a c . u k o r d r o p in to the p o r t a c a b i n s T u e s d a y l u n c h t i m e s .
;
e
1999 +
2
The Times They Are A-Changin' Are you ready for the Digital Age?
Come gather 'round people wherever you roam And admit that the waters around you have grown And accept it that soon you'll be drenched to the bone If your time to you is worth savin' Then you better start swimmin' or you'll sink like a stone For the times are a-changin'. the
What's the story...
o f scientific
p o s e s t h e d i s t i n c t i o n s e e m s s l i g h t . This c o l u m n
as Lovelace, Bab-
will s e e k t o e x p l o r e t h e r e a s o n s this a p p e a r s t o
exploits of m e n a n d w o m e n
genius,
citing n a m e s
such
b a g e , Turing, v o n N e u m a n n , a n d Cray.
That's
be t h e cas e . T h e g o v e r n m e n t
is s o c o n c e r n e d
B o b D y l a n h a s p r o b a b l y c a u g h t t h e Zeitgeist o f
probably why I a m not a historian. Don't misun-
that it p u b l i s h e d a hefty e - c o m m e r c e
the a g e b e t t e r t h a n m o s t . H i s lyrics a r e t r u e r n o w
derstand m e I respect a l l of the a b o v e
summer
hugely,
study this
t h a n w h e n they w e r e p e n n e d i n 1 9 6 3 . W h a t is
and
the i d e a o f this n e w b u s i n e s s s e c t i o n ? S i m p l e . If
a m o n g s t o u r g e n e r a t i o n at IC. But while s c i e n c e
y o u a r e r e a d i n g this a r t i c l e t h e n y o u a r e p r o b a -
is t h e f u e l o f p r o g r e s s , b u s i n e s s h a s a n d a l w a y s
bly a s t u d e n t a t I C , w h i c h is o n e o f t h e b e t t e r
w ill b e , t h e e n g i n e
of progress. W h o doesn't
O p e n a n y n e w s p a p e r , w a t c h a n y T V c h a n n e l , lis-
t e c h n i c a l a n d s c i e n t i f i c u n i v e r s i t i e s in t h e c o u n t r y .
w a n t t o m a k e a p r o f i t ? B e it a n i n d i v i d u a l , c o m -
ten t o a n y r a d i o s t a t i o n a n d y o u w i l l b e b o m -
I'm s u r e t h e r e a r e p e o p l e o f t h e i r c a l i b r e
E is good
It h a s a n i n t e r n a t i o n a l r e p u t a t i o n . S o w h a t ? T h i s
p a n y , in stitu tion o r c o u n t r y . It is t h e profit m o t i v e
b a r d e d a b o u t ' e - c o m m e r c e ' . Q u i t e a lot of the
c o l u m n p r o p o s e s that o f a l l t h e u n i v e r s i t i e s in t h e
that h a s d r i v e n t h e shift f r o m M a c h i n e A g e t o
talk is r u b b i s h . T h e truth a b o u t e - c o m m e r c e a t the
c o u n t r y , I C is b e s t p o i s e d t o t a k e a d v a n t a g e o f
Digital A g e a n d to whatever a g e c o m e s
t u r n i n g its i n t e l l e c t u a l c a p i t a l i n t o t h e b a s i s f o r
Maybe
world class c o m p a n i e s .
e p i c shift.
e v e n Internet A g e ?
moment
is that v e r y f e w c o m p a n i e s
of v i e w s , a r t i c l e s a n d o p i n i o n s . It is o f t e n a c a s e of t h e b l i n d l e a d i n g t h e b l i n d . H e r e ' s a n i d e a , if
(institution, s t u d e n t s a n d lecuters) h a s t a k e n o f
you w a n t to m a k e a lot c a s h b e c o m e a n e - c o m -
the c h a n g e s in t h e g l o b a l e c o n o m y ,
merce
b u g s m e is h o w little a d v a n t a g e
especially
consultant.
A t times
T h e first q u e s t i o n t h a t n e e d s t o b e a n s w e r e d is
the c o m m e r c i a l i s a t i o n o f the internet. After a l l ,
uncertainty
people
c a n Britain c o m p e t e with the 8 0 0 1 b g o r i l l a of the
the W o r l d W i d e W e b w a s c r e a t e d just d o w n t h e
'visionary'
w h o states
w o r l d e c o n o m y : t h e g o o d o l ' U S o f A ? Let's just
road
list s o m e w o r l d c l a s s A m e r i c a n t e c h n i c a l u n i v e r -
healthy
scepticsim
Europe
is p r o d u c i n g w o r l d
sities:
M I T ; Texas
A & M ; Stanford;
Caltech;
by a U C L lecturer.
This
about
column
t h e rate beating
of confusion a n d
certainty. his c a s e
Hence any convincingly
e n o u g h will b e h e a r d t h r o u g h t h e n o i s e . W h o is
which
t h e H e n r y F o r d o f t h e Internet a g e ? T h e r e a f e w
high
tech
c o m p a n i e s . H a v e y o u h e a r d t h e story o f D a r r y l
the past 2 0 years here a r e s o m e c o m p a n i e s , that
Mattocks?
p o t e n t i a l c a n d i d a t e s o u t t h e r e a n d this c o l u m n will s e e k t o s e p a r a t e t h e w h e a t f r o m t h e c h a f f .
It's the economics, stupid
y o u m i g h t h a v e h e a r d o f , that h a d t h e r e r o o t s i n Graphics;
seek
has a
at
Berkley . Pick a n y o n e o f t h e s e : S t a n f o r d say. In
this i n s t i t u t i o n : S u n ; S i l i c o n
know
h o w t o m a k e a profit u s i n g it. H e n c e t h e w e a l t h
IC
What
Looking across the pond
next.
A n d it h a s b e e n a n
Darryl who?
Yahoo;
H a v i n g a b r i g h t i d e a , o r a k i l l e r a p p l i c a t i o n in
Amazon; Cisco. i n t h e i r e a r l y thirties,
the current l i n g o , o r b e i n g t h e smartest p e r s o n
d o , is t o g e t a c o p y o f t h e F i n a n c i a l T i m e s , l o o k
independently h a d the s a m e i d e a . O n e o f them
o n the planet c a n actually count f o r surprisingly
at t h e N a s d a q s h a r e p r i c e s p a g e a n d c a l c u l a t e
w a s i n S e a t t l e t h e o t h e r in O x f o r d . T h e y b o t h set
little. N o t e v e n t h e b i g g e s t c o u n t r y i n t h e w o r l d
the c o m b i n e d v a l u e o f t h e s e c o m p a n i e s . I c h a l -
up w h a t e a c h c l a i m e d t o b e the world's biggest
c a n d e f y t h e l a w s o f e c o n o m i c s , let a l o n e a n y
l e n g e a n y o n e t o n a m e a E u r o p e a n u n i v e r s i t y that
o n - l i n e b o o k s t o r e . B o t h listed a r o u n d a m i l l i o n
one
h a s p r o d u c e d s o m a n y v a l u a b l e c o m p a n i e s in
books , both were equally accessible from
the i n t e r n e t h a s n o t yet d e s t r o y e d d i s t a n c e a s t h e
t h e p a s t twenty y e a r s .
where
T h e list g o e s o n . A n i n t e r e s t i n g e x e r c i s e t o
Six y e a r s a g o t w o g u y s
in t h e w o r l d , a n d both
offered
any-
similar
services f o r customers, such as e-mail n o t i f i c a -
The twenty year test
tion w h e n a n e w b o o k by a favourite a u t h o r h a d
I p i c k e d twenty y e a r s b e c a u s e it is a n u m b e r that is e a s y t o r e l a t e t o , it's p r o b a b l y a b o u t t h e m e a n age
individual. From the business
perspective,
bookselling example shows. Another
area
that
this
column
intends to
e x p l o r e is w h a t i n f r a s t r u c t u r e is r e q u i r e d t o g i v e
a r r i v e d . In t h e o r y this s h o u l d h a v e b e e n a c l a s s i c
I m p e r i a l a c o m p e t i t i v e a d v a n t a g e . It b o i l s d o w n
e x a m p l e of h o w the internet w o u l d m a k e a n o n -
to w h y is t h e r e n o t a n e q u i v a l e n t t o S i l i c o n V a l -
sense of g e o g r a p h y ?
ley h e r e . T h e r e h a v e b e e n m u r m u r i n g s a b o u t S i l -
Wrong.
Y o u k n o w t h e story a b o u t t h e o t h e r g u y p r o b -
o f a n I C u n d e r g r a d . In twenty y e a r s t i m e
based high tech
centre.The
H o w m a n y billion d o l l a r c o m p a n i e s d o y o u think
everyone's
What
point c a n b e illustrated by stating a n extreme
will b e c r e a t e d a s a result o f a d i r e c t a s s o c i a t i o n
h a p p e n e d to Darryl you m a y ask? Well, he d i d -
e x a m p l e . A n A f r i c a n t e e n a g e r with the smartest
with
n't d o t o o b a d l y I s u p p o s e : h e s o l d o u t f o r a b o u t
i n t e r n e t i d e a is n o t g o i n g t o g e t v e r y far, if h e is
two million p o u n d s .
stuck i n his v i l l a g e .
free
to email
Felix
with
your
answers.
favourite
internet
billionaire.
Bezos,
i c o n F e n , a n d it is c e r t a i n l y a p o t e n t i a l c o m p e t i -
a b l y better than
I C ? Feel
I d o . W h o is h e ? Jeff
tor to a n y L o n d o n
m a n y o f us will b e in o u r forties, o r t h e r e a b o u t s .
T h i s c a s e study is a s a l u t a r y l e s s o n f o r a n y -
H o w e v e r , if y o u s t r e t c h t h e b o u n d a r i e s o f this little e x e r c i s e it w i l l i n c l u d e c o m p a n i e s l i k e Intel
o n e o u t there c o n s i d e r i n g starting their o w n high
and
tech
Hewlett-Packard, a n dthe c o m b i n e d
value
starts t o l o o k silly.
The profit motive The historians of the a g e will p r o b a b l y f o c u s o n
business.
Let's
propose
hypothesis: f o r a n y given
Kick off
the following
h i g h t e c h i d e a , with
T h i s c o l u m n will kick o f f with serie s o f a r t i c l e s
e v e r y t h i n g e l s e b e i n g e q u a l , it is a h e c k o f a sight
profiling of a former Imperial
e a s i e r t o t u r n it i n t o a m a r k e t l e a d i n g b u s i n e s s
o n e t i m e lecturer , w h o I like t o t h i n k o f a s t h e B i l -
p r o p o s i t i o n in t h e U S t h a n o u t s i d e o f it. T h i s is
l i o n D o l l a r D o c . W a t c h this s p a c e .
n o t t o s a y it is i m p o s s i b l e b u t f o r p r a c t i c a l p u r -
P h D student a n d
Bashari Bakari
n
8
x
RSM Union After a successful start to the year for the Miners, it's time for more of the same, with barnights, the Christmas Ball and the annual highlight that is Foreign Students Week all taking place over the next month.
T
his y e a r h a s g o t o f f t o a g o o d
in R S M t r a d i t i o n s that c u l m i n a t e s i n
start w i t h b a r n i g h t s b e i n g w e l l
t h e C h r i s t m a s B a l l ( m o r e a b o u t that
attended
b y t h e n e w first
later). It i n c l u d e s a n o p e n t o p b u s
years, a n d the old a l c o h o l i c s (you
trip
k n o w w h o y o u a r e Jeffries), t h a n k s
a f t e r n o o n , with b e e r a n d a n R S M
to e v e r y o n e f o r m a k i n g t h e effort.
tour guide
W e a r e especially p r o u d of former
we travel d o w n t o sunny
Exec
members
w h o a r e trying t o
around
London
on Monday
included. O n Tuesday
and a p u b crawl a r o u n d
of s t o p p i n g taxis (by l y i n g i n t h e
organised
middie of Q u e e n s g a t e ) .
with
ular note was the K a r a o k e
Barnight
Cornwall
f o r a trip t o t h e C h i n a C l a y W o r k s ,
e d u c a t e the n e w students in the art
O f partic-
Dartmoor
by a m e m b e r
intimate
o f staff of the
knowledge
a r e a . W e return o n T h u r s d a y to the
in S o u t h s i d e , w h e r e e v e r y o n e m a d e
RSM
a fool of themselves, including the
b a r n i g h t , with f r e e b e e r a n d y a r d s
resident
o n offer.
Segun.
gangsta A s noted
freshers
rappers
- go
previously,
most
d o not remember the
Freshers
Dinner, but s o m e
people
b a r for our foreign
The
students
b e g i n s with t h e
weekend
arrival of 4 0 D u t c h l a d s f r o m Delft under
the pretence
of a
rugby
c l a i m t h e y ' v e f o r g o t t e n it ( M o o n y ) .
match o n Saturday 4th December.
There
Coaches
was a
everyone
high
seemed
turnout, a n d
to be enjoying
I
will
be running
•
out to
H a r l i n g t o n , s i n c e it is a v e r y s o c i a l
M a i n : R o a s t fillet o f l a m b w i t h rosemary,
•
ber
garlic a n d cumber-
the evening
tempted
then
by. If y o u
come
to the
land sauce
Union
Desert:
the p o s t e r s h a v e g o n e
C h o c o l a t e truffle torte
are RSM
office a n y lunch time
after
up - keep
t h e m s e l v e s a t t h e b a r later, s o o n t o
o c c a s i o n , a n d s u p p o r t e r s a r e very
with r a s p b e r r y c o u l i s
y o u r eyes p e e l e d in the d e p a r t m e n t
b e r e g r e t t e d by s o m e w h e n t h e p i c -
w e l c o m e . T h i s m a t c h is a n a n n u a l
F o l l o w e d by c o f f e e , mints a n d
for final details a n d notification of
tures
come
e v e n t a n d is u s u a l l y v e r y w e l l s u p -
a laugh at the Exec attempting t o
know
w h o y o u are). There
ported.
m a k e t h e i r s p e e c h e s (as w e l l a s a
some
impressive
the
shark
o u t (limpet
boy, y o u
attempts
hat a n d beer
were
to win
w h e n t h e tickets g o o n s a l e !
regalia
guest s p e a k e r w h o will b e a m u s -
christmas ball
goggles,
not forgetting t h e c h u n d e r b i b . To
ing!) T h e m o s t i m p o r t a n t t h i n g t o n o t e is that t h e r e will b e w i n e a n d
It h a s b e e n n o t e d t h a t n o n e o f y o u
A f t e r r e t i r i n g t o t h e b a r at t h e e n d
b e e r with t h e m e a l a l l i n c l u d e d i n
freshers have b e e n buying any R S M
a l o n g t o t h e U G M at the e n d o f
of
the price of the ticket.
term,
R S M f o r t h e s o c i a l e v e n t o f t h e year,
A f t e r t h e m e a l w e will r e t u r n t o
see
w h o the winners
when
are, come
all crimes
can be
grassed up.
the m a t c h , w e then
return t o
r e g a l i a this t e r m . T h i s is e s s e n t i a l in o r d e r t o state y o u r identity t o t h e
t h e R S M C h r i s t m a s B a l l . T h i s is a
t h e J C R , w h e r e w e will b e j o i n e d b y
rest o f t h e g i m p s i n C o l l e g e ( C & G
attended
b a l l t h a t is w e l l r u n a n d m a n a g e d ,
the
and
t h e R S M A A n n u a l D i n n e r , with a l l
unlike other IC balls - a n d f o r the
w h o wish to take a d v a n t a g e of the
we h a v e the best r e g a l i a at Imperi-
30
al.
Many
students
students
being
also
Delft
visitors
a n d a n y others
s p o n s o r e d by
first t i m e this y e a r it w i l l b e a d u a l
3.00am
Association members, a n d had a n
v e n u e event. T h e r e c e p t i o n will b e
female
enjoyable evening, thanks t o those
h e l d a t 7 . 3 0 p m in t h e J C R w h e r e a
who
"free"
t h e r e will b e s o m e s m o o c h y
w h o o r g a n i s e d it. T h e next m a i n e v e n t t o hit t h e
champagne
reception
is b e i n g
a n d cocktail put o n to get
b a r extension,
a
sexy
DJ will b e there f o r those
c a n still s t a n d
R S M is a w e e k o f h i g h s p i r i t s , d r i n k -
e v e r y o n e in t h e m o o d t o party. T h e
President)
i n g a n d f u n t h a t is F o r e i g n S t u d e n t s
m e a l w i l l b e h e l d in t h e S C R with a
a c q u i r e d p u l l i n g skills!
W e e k . For those of y o u in the d a r k ,
harpist to s e r e n a d e any lovebirds.
Tickets
to display
will
a b l e f o r p u r c h a s e :-
num-
•
Hooded field
(the s t u d l y
•
with a s i n g l e t i c k e t b e i n g £ 4 2 a n d
assorted
Sliced
a d o u b l e ticket at £ 8 0 . This price
bourne
banned C a m b o u m e ) come to R S M
tomato
with
for a w e e k of revelry a n d e d u c a t i o n
olive vinaigrette
Europe
(that's y o u
•
Mediterranean mozzarella a n d
limited edition a n d foreign
Cam-
students
w e e k t shirts f r o m y e a r s past)
includes a free professional p h o t o g r a p h with y o u r c h u m s t o r e m e m -
•
R u g b y shirts a t £ 2 0
S President, Matt Cockayne m.cockayne@ic.ac.uk
Vice Presisdent, Ruth Easterbrook ruth.easterbrook@ic.ac.uk
Rugby Captain, Segun Lawson olusegun.lawson@ic.ac.uk
Football Captain, Nigel Milner nigel.milner@ic.ac.uk
in
T Shirts, a l s o in b l a c k , grey a n d
Starter:
in
(great f o r
a n d barnights)
b o t t l e g r e e n a t £ 6 (as w e l l a s
ASAP
The m e n u wil! be:-
2 students f r o m e a c h g o o d m i n i n g college
sweatshirts
trips
black, blue a n d grey at £ 2 1
his recently
be o n sale
note) e s p e c i a l l y a s
The f o l l o w i n g items a r e a v a i l -
a n d I'm s u r e
bers o n f o r C o c k a y n e
R C S take
Mens Hockey, Henry Winfield-Chislett, henry.winfieldchislett@ic.ac.uk
Ladies Hockey, Karina Tarling karina.tarling@ic.ac.uk
2
n
9
The State of the Union By Natasha Newton, Imperial College Union President
Free Money A
- This Week's Union Meetings -
T h e C o n v o c a t i o n Trust
•
Summer
Vacation
award
which
has to a be S u m m e r h o l i d a y f o r y e a r 2 0 0 0 , w h i c h h a s n o t h i n g t o d o with (For individuals)
your course. •
Dunsheath Expedition awards
O p e n to current students a n d recent graduates.
(For g r o u p s
of t w o o r
need
certificates
n o c a s e s a s u r g e n t a s this a t p r e s -
Mon 22nd
registry a n d they
e n t - i n f a c t c a s e s this u r g e n t c o m e
•
the exemption
again...l
phone
" o n eweek,
say
standard
proce-
up o n c e every 5 years.
other Presidents o f U L U , s o m e f r o m
sprung
C o l l e g e s o f t w i c e t h e size o f I C a n d
to mind
a n d in fact t h e
m a g i c o n e w e e k w a s b r o k e n after
they
all replied
some
their
registries w o u l d
sharp
wrangling.
emphatically
that
•
1 7 . 0 0 IC S c h o o l
•
d o a l l they
1 8.00 Media Group
though,
could a n d
c o u l d to get the certificates d o n e in
s h o u l d have j u m p e d t o attention to
a day. A l l said their c o l l e g e w o u l d
Tue 2 3 r d N o v e m b e r
are available from m e .
h e l p t h e s e g u y s - it s h o u l d n ' t t a k e
manage
•
•
the U n i o n President getting vicious
forms usually only take two minutes
Board
t o m a k e t h i n g s h a p p e n in a n e m e r -
and
(Resource Centre)
c o m e get a n a p p l i c a t i o n f o r m f r o m
g e n c y . If t h e g u y s h a d n o t c o m e t o
queue anyway - g o o d question.
me.
see
I think it's disgusting
t h e B a i l i f f s ? It a p p e a r s s o ...
If y o u s t r u g g l e
to afford
books,
m e , would
h a v e let t h e m
Then
I m a g i n e a g r o u p o f students in a
flat.
The Council
loses
their
guys
Registry
honestly
l o o s e t h e i r stuff t o
imagine
that
g o t o Registry
when the
they
change
asked
said
their
m e why we have
Obviously,
the Council
a
•
UK
Undergrads
are n o w paying
other g r o u p s o f students p a y t h o u -
cil T a x . I m a g i n e t h a t w h e n t h e y a s k
istry t h a t o t h e r s t u d e n t s , w a i t i n g f o r
s a n d s m o r e , s o is t h e s e n / i c e y o u
Registry
standard
receive g o o d
exemption
they
have
to wait
a
months
to supply)
y o u have
should
w e e k , e v e n t h o u g h it is a b o u t t o g o
precedent over those facing i m m e d i a t e los s o f t h e i r b e l o n g i n g s . T h e y
misreads the certificates, then g o e s
claim
that
there
whilst
enough?
m a y be people
13.00 RagGeneral
Meeting -
1 2 . 3 0 Recreational
Clubs
C o m m i t t e e Treasurers
meeting
•
(Resource Centre) •
1 3 . 0 0 House
Committee
(Clubs C o m m i t t e e Room)
Maccy D's This w e e k I have b e e n
mostly
•
1 7 . 0 0 Student
•
1 8 . 3 0 I C U Executive (Resource
d e a l i n g with d i s c o u n t s ! W e w a i t f o r
tell
f a c i n g C o u r t a c t i o n in t h e q u e u e .
Warners,
them. After the case the C o u n c i l
F o r t h e i n t e r e s t o f t h e Registry staff,
here a n d M c D o n a l d ' s are sending
to court - but doesn't
ahead
Action
all w e l c o m e (Rag Office)
take
to C o u r t . I m a g i n e that the C o u n c i l
Community
Thur 25th N o v e m b e r
£ 1 0 0 0 a year to b e here,
(which
20.00
meeting
G r o u p s o u p run
was n e e d e d . BUT, two years of IC
their tune a n d say two days but not
proof
Entertainments
b l a m e f o r the m a i n c o c k - u p , a n d
t o d a y . It is t h e o p i n i o n o f t h e R e g -
of
&
Treasurers
after hours o f struggle w e g o t w h a t
procedures
f o r the certificate
1 3 . 0 0 Arts
•
is t o
against them for not paying C o u n -
p a p e r w o r k a n d starts
(Southside
Bar)
m o r e ) . Sorry, e l e c t i v e s d o n ' t c o u n t .
it a n d s o m e
of Medicine
Vice Principal's Q u e s t i o n time
A p p l i c a t i o n forms a n d further details
Waterstones Hardship b o o k fund
t h e registry
Surely,
C o m m i t t e e Room)
I a s k e d the
dure". The words ' n o f***ing w a y '
November
1 3 . 0 0 Retail C o m m i t t e e ( C l u b s
but the H M V cards are
threaten t o s e n d in the Bailiffs. T h e
most people w h o come to Court
their free burger/ice c r e a m
students c o m e t o s e e m e a n d w e
will s p e a k t o either m e , the D P E W
to m e a n d I h o p e they w i l l b e h e r e
p h o n e the C o u n c i l , w h o s a y they
o r the U n i o n Advisor, a n d I k n o w of
by t h e t i m e this i s s u e is o u t .
cards
Development
Centre) •
2 0 . 0 0 C A G s o u p run
Fri 2 6 t h
November
13.00
•
S C C
Treasurers
(Resource Centre)
Welfare Update IC Health Centre
By Kevin Butcher, Deputy President (Education & Welfare)
W i t h things settling in this t e r m
several C o l l e g e s a n d Universities). B e safe a n d b e a w a r e . If y o u h a v e a n y
a n d the e n d fast a p p r o a c h i n g , just a
a n d c a n c e l l i n g . T h a t extra 8 w e e k s
attendance c a n be d a m a g i n g to your
questions,
f e w w o r d s a b o u t the I m p e r i a l C o l l e g e
can
h e a l t h a n d y o u r f i n a n c e s . T h e y offer
a p p r o a c h e d o n campus, please c o n -
b e put to g o o d
worries
o r have
been
patients, l e a d i n g t o a n e v e n
h e l p u n d e r t w o g u i s e s : a s self-help
tact myself, M a r t i n T h o m s o n o r T a s h a
K e n s i n g t o n . C h e c k o u t t h e w e b site
better service. A l l students a n d staff
g r o u p s o r u n d e r the false b a n n e r o f
Newton
f o r i n f o r m a t i o n o n t h e services
a r e p o t e n t i a l patients s o it is in a l l o u r
" r e l i g i o n " . This is n o t true. M a n y reli-
below.
interests.
gions a r e genuinely represented at IC, v i a I C U c l u b s (for e x a m p l e C a t h
Contacts
Groups operating on campuses.
S o c o r Islamic Society) o r n o n - u n i o n
•
Health
in Southside,
Centre
vided -
South
pro-
www.ad.ic.ac.uk/healthcen-
ICHC
use towards
tre. A recurrent p r o b l e m is t h e s u r prisingly
high
number
of appoint-
( I C U President);
Kevin B u t c h e r [Deputy President];
b y patients w h o t h e n
University c a n b e a trying t i m e .
IC a l i g n e d g r o u p s (such a s C h r i s t i a n
internal
c h o o s e , for whatever r e a s o n , not to
Every y e a r g r o u p s a n d o r g a n i s a t i o n s
Union). T h e groups you should be
email:
dpew@ic.ac.uk
attend t h o s e a p p o i n t m e n t s - a " n o -
target c a m p u s e s a c r o s s the country,
w a r y o f clearly d o n o t i n c l u d e these
Tasha
Newton
show".
p l a y i n g o n student's w e a k n e s s e s t o
o r a n y o f t h e o t h e r faiths w h i c h a r e
e n c o u r a g e t h e m t o join in with their
genuinely represented.
ments
Health
made
Current Centre
figures suggest
from the that
since
D e c e m b e r 1 9 9 8 the a m o u n t o f t i m e
activities. I C u s u a l l y suffers less t h a n
lostthrough " d i d not a t t e n d " a p p o i n t -
o t h e r c o l l e g e s in L o n d o n . need
However
describing
such
58061; •
It is necessary t o b e very g e n e r a l in
•
details
extension:
58064;
[ I C U President];
president@ic.ac.uk
Martin T h o m s o n [Union Adviser]; 48067;
m.m.thomson@ic.ac.uk
dangerous
Bit at the end
ments is a p p r o x i m a t e l y e q u i v a l e n t t o
students
a full-time d o c t o r w o r k i n g f o r e i g h t
a w a r e . If a s t r a n g e r a p p r o a c h e s y o u
D o n ' t worry, these g r o u p s a r e f e w
w e e k s at the H e a l t h C e n t r e . This is
o n c a m p u s offering f r i e n d s h i p , s u p -
a n d f a r b e t w e e n a n d it is rare that
o r m e with a n y q u e s t i o n s o r q u e r i e s . If y o u h a v e q u e s t i o n s o r a n s w e r s t o
t o b e vigilant a n d
groups.
That
sounds
a bit heavy.
P l e a s e feel free t o c o n t a c t M a r t i n
quite a sig n if icant a m o u n t o f t i m e . If
port a n d h e l p a s l o n g a s y o u attend
you
you have a n appointment a n d c a n -
a m e e t i n g o f their g r o u p - D O N O T
H o w e v e r , p l e a s e b e a w a r e that there
problems
not m a k e it, c a n c e l l i n g it frees that
A C C E P T . O n e meeting may lead to
are
could
time u p f o r o t h e r patients. T h e r e is n o
another,
pressure m a y b e a p p l i e d ,
h e r e , at o t h e r universities a n d a r o u n d
c a n c e l l a t i o n f e e , there is n o r e c r i m i -
leading
to sustained
nation f o r calling o r emailing them
T h e i r offers a r e h o l l o w a n d s u s t a i n e d
attendance.
ULU
will
be stopped
unscrupulous
o n campus.
people
about;
a n d B l o o m s b u r y (a b i g target
d u e t o the h i g h density o f students a t
y o u feel
benefit
from,
other please
students g e t in
t o u c h a n d the p r o b l e m a n d solution m a y well a p p e a r h e r e in future e d i tions.
k
0
x
Poi nt I have
As
extremely
said
before,
important
s p o r t is
h e r e a n d r o w f o r us). O u r
to students.
physi-
D o n ' t get me w r o n g , o u r other
cally a n d mentally d u r i n g their t i m e
sports clubs d o weii e n o u g h within
here.
UL
It f o s t e r s
community
spirit
a b i l i t y t o w o r k i n a t e a m " is
("the
something
which
f e s s i o n a l Sport & Leisure Since
e x a m hall - o n their o w n merits.
A n d rightly s o , s i n c e it a l l o w s t h e participant to d e v e l o p both
rowers
g a i n g o l d o n t h e w a t e r - a n d in the
prospective
b u t that
leagues,
Boat
his arrival
Manager.
at IC
five-odd
years a g o , Frank has revolutionised the major
Club
club,
boat
projects
spearheaded a n d set a b o u t
u p g r a d i n g sports facilities g e n e r a l -
" e d g e " just isn't t h e r e . But w a i t - I
ly. T h e b o a t c l u b ' s p o o r e r r e l a t i v e s
hear
at
y o u cry - o u r other
sports
ICU,
whilst
not getting
abad
get
o n a n d train
facilities
with
a n d top-class
top-class resources.
Surprise surprise, they win. H a b i t u ally. In
a world
where
more a n d
m o r e n e w universities are t e m p t i n g students t o their h a l l o w e d
portals
with b i g g e r a n d better facilities, IC
employers increasingly l o o k f o r in
c l u b s d o n ' t h a v e the benefit o f p r o -
d e a l by a n y o n e ' s
applicants
fessional training facilities such as
d o n o t h a v e this p o w e r f u l r e s o u r c e
more
the
at t h e i r f i n g e r t i p s .
juicy m o r s e l s f o r t h e i r £ 1 0 0 0
excuse
CVs)
a n d it's a
to keep
great
t h e b a r profits
rolling. So,
Putney
Boat
House,
given
Bill M a s o n .
the importance of
Exactly.
I a m surprised
that
to p r o v i d e
ever asked "why
not?".
a n environment
sporting
excellence
allowed to flourish? area
under
Well,
I'll
is
in o n e
at l e a s t . T h e I C B o a t
Club
little
r e p e a t e d l y p r o v e s itself t h e b e t t e r o f
Club.
both O x f o r d a n d C a m b r i d g e
roughly
(and,
g e s t s o m e t h i n g a bit r a d i c a l .
nobody has
Loughborough
control
p.a.
membership fee.
admit
it's time
defeat.
f o r I C U to
F o r years
k n o w n that F r a n k
it h a s
Murray
has the
m e a n s to m a k e sport better for all
an
the p r o f e s s i o n a l s d o their j o b , a n d
over
the Boat provides
the Students U n i o n : a s i m i l a r p o s i -
Athletics
Union,
establish a n Athletics U n i o n ,
o f its f u n d i n g . T h e
t i o n t o the o n e e n j o y e d by I C b o a t
a n e l e c t e d s t u d e n t a s its p r e s i d e n t
real force driving u p standards o n
club.
Free
petty
student
PRESIDENT PREPARED
and
similar
a t I m p e r i a l . In s h o r t , it is t i m e t o let
t h e river is F r a n k M u r r a y , I C ' s
come
expect
by t h e u n i v e r s i t y ' s d i r e c t f u n d i n g o f
by t h e w a y , w e d o n ' t h a v e t o b r i b e to
will
s p o r t s t e a m s . T h i s is m a d e p o s s i b l e
steroid-filled
Americans
people
it o n l y
In f a c t , 50%
i n reality, h a s
n e e d s t o r e c o g n i s e that m o r e
Perhaps is
University
r e n o w n e d f o r t h e e x c e l l e n c e o f its
tell y o u w h y n o t . T h e true
p i c t u r e is t h a t I C U , very
W h i c h is w h y I'm a b o u t to s u g -
W h i c h is w h y
such activities, c a n w e at I C c l a i m
which
nor
Olympic-standard coaches such as
measure, simply
pro-
from
distinct
from
the shackles of
politics,
teams c a n
with
( a n d F r a n k a s its m a n a g e r ) t o r e h a b i l i t a t e s p o r t i n g life h e r e a t I C .
mittee h a s b e e n r e v i e w e d a n d i n c r e a s e d : the fine
k n o w n t o the s t u d e n t r e p r e s e n t a t i v e d e a l i n g with
has g o n e f r o m £100
E r i c s s o n , a s well a s w r i t i n g t h e m in his c o l u m n
to £ 2 0 0 a n d the c h a r g e
A s r e p o r t e d o n last w e e k ' s f r o n t p a g e o f Felix, the
f r o m £1 0 0 t o £ 5 0 0 . Still o n the t o p i c of f i n e s , the
( c o m e . t o / m i s h m a s h t o read all Kevin's
C & G " R a i d e r s of the Lost B u s " trip t o B r i g h t o n a n d
q u e s t i o n o f w h e r e m o n e y r a i s e d by fines s h o u l d
c o l u m n s ) . It is still not t o o late to r e s o l v e the situ-
its a s s o c i a t e d a n t i c s d i d not g o exactly t o p l a n .
g o w a s d i s c u s s e d . It w a s a s k e d if this w a s a p a r -
ation. Ericsson stand to m a k e a huge a m o u n t of
U n f o r t u n a t e l y , t o o m a n y p e o p l e k n e w a b o u t the
t i cu l arl y i m p o r t a n t p o i n t to c o n s i d e r , a s surely the
m o n e y f r o m I C in the l o n g t e r m , a n d will n o t b e
plot t o k i d n a p U L U
a m o u n t o f m o n e y r a i s e d by fines s h o u l d b e very
put off by a f e w r e a s o n a b l e
d e n t s . K e v i n h o p e s that I C U will not s u p p o r t a
P r e s i d e n t M a t t Butt, a n d t h e
team's attempts were f o i l e d . O n e
of those
who
low, a s it h a s b e e n in p r e v i o u s y e a r s .
Natasha
t h o u g h t she w a s in the k n o w w a s o u r very
own
i m m e d i a t e l y e n t h u s i a s t i c a l l y r e s p o n d e d : " S a y if a
s u p r e m o , N a t a s h a . H o w e v e r by the t i m e n e w s o f the plot h a d r e a c h e d h e r p r e s i d e n t i a l suite, d e t a i l s of the s c a m h a d b e c o m e r a t h e r sketchy. O n h e a r ing that a s q u a d w a s g o i n g t o a t t e m p t to k i d n a p 'the
president'
a n d take
them
to Brighton,
N a t a s h a j u m p e d to the e r r o n e o u s c o n c l u s i o n she w a s the t a r g e t . K e v i n c a n c o n f i r m that t o a v o i d b e i n g c a u g h t u n p r e p a r e d , o n the m o r n i n g o f the Brighton Run she was u p , d r e s s e d , a n d ready to be snatched before 6 a m . Kevin hears
Natasha
was actually l o o k i n g f o r w a r d t o a nice relaxing d a y a t the s e a s i d e , a n d w a s t h o r o u g h l y d i s a p p o i n t e d w h e n the s q u a d f a i l e d to turn u p .
requests f r o m stu-
p r o p o s a l w h i c h is s i g n i f i c a n t l y less i m p r e s s i v e t h a n that w h i c h w e s h o u l d b e a b l e to d e m a n d . T h e lat-
Mish Mash A Mostly Harmless Column by Kevin, a random entity who knows nothing about nothing
est is that a l t h o u g h " I n t e r n a l c a l l s will b e f r e e , short c o d e s will not b e i n t h e s a m e w a y they a r e not at t h e m o m e n t " . things
could
only
Kevin
h a d assumed
g e t better,
even
w h o l e r u g b y t e a m c a m e in ... a n d they w e r e f i n e d fifty q u i d a h e a d , y o u c o u l d m a k e a f o r t u n e . "
WOW The
n e w Rector,
w h o is p r e s e n t l y
subject
of fines, b a n s ,
p e n a l t i e s that c o u l d
a n d other
really g e t o n y o u r
punitive nerves
that w h e n t h e i r n a m e is a n n o u n c e d , r e a c t i o n will b e o n e o n e of: " W o w " . K e v i n h a s a l s o learnt that
C l u b s can now be fined o r b a n n e d from U n i o n
been
shown
r o u n d the m a g n i f i c e n t r e c t o r i a l r e s i d e n c e a t 1 7 0 Q u e e n s G a t e , a n d h a s s a i d s h e : " Q u i t e likes it."
this c o m m e n t . A n y p l a n s h e m a y h a v e h a d to sell
ERICSSON EXCUSES
should you o r your club find themselves o n the r e c e i v i n g e n d of t h e m .
remaining
i n n o m i n a t e , has b e e n selected. Kevin c a n confirm
T h e D i r e c t o r of Estates w a s r a t h e r d i s a p p o i n t e d at
At the latest I C U C o u n c i l the re w a s a lot of talk o n the
that
h e will b e
a m a z e d if E r i c s s o n p r o v e s t o b e w o r s e t h a n A C C .
the n e w R e c t o r ' s wife h a s a l r e a d y
MONEY MONEY MONEY
previous
the
architecturally
outstanding
house
he has
recently d e s c r i b e d a s " a n i c e p i e c e o f real e s t a t e " K e v i n is not h a p p y with the present state o f the
will a l m o s t c e r t a i n l y h a v e to b e put o n h o l d .
E r i c s s o n d e a l . W h e n K e v i n first h e a r d of the d e a l ,
Facilities if t h e i r p a p e r w o r k is not u p t o s c r a t c h . In
h e s a w it as a f a n t a s t i c o p p o r t u n i t y to get br i l l i an t ,
a d d i t i o n the m a x i m u m fine a n d c h a r g e that c a n
a f f o r d a b l e c o m m u n i c a t i o n s f o r I C students. A s a
be i m p o s e d o n a s t u d e n t by the d i s c i p l i n a r y c o m -
n o n - a p a t h e t i c student, K e v i n m a d e his o p i n i o n s
To comment or contribute: http://come.to/mish mash or email mishmash@ic.ac.uk
Carniva.
x
k
2
FELIX 1158
Feedback DEMO OR DEMOCRACY? D e a r Felix,
a n d interpersonal
skills by
about
g o i n g t o s o c i a l events whilst s t u d y i n g ,
" n e w " m e m b e r s of c o u n c i l a r e t a n t a -
o r t h e C & G star w h o h a s 2 9 U C A S
mount to a n argument f o r ensuring
points b u t h a s n e v e r g o n e o u t .
....Breakpoint's
A s t h e p r o p o s e r of t h e " N U S
sniffiness
Surely,
the U n i o n is a l w a y s r u n by the s a m e
C&G
t h e " b i g q u e s t i o n " that
students s h o u l d b e a s k i n g is
by i C U
o l d tried a n d tested hacks...If Break-
c o u n c i l , I'm p l e a s e d t o s e e it s t i m u -
Point is u n h a p p y with t h e d e m o c r a t i c
how
lating s o m e d e b a t e ( B r e a k p o i n t , Felix
processes of the U n i o n , any s u g g e s -
events that fail t o i m p r o v e their s o c i a l
1157).
tions f o r i m p r o v e m e n t w o u l d b e w e l -
a n d r e c r e a t i o n a l skills, s i n c e n o o n e
c o m e . Life-long elective d i c t a t o r s h i p
turns u p t o t h e m , h e n c e t h e h e a v y
f o r presidents p e r h a p s ?
losses. F o r t h e President o f C & G U to
Demo"
,-./012 345 .
social
suited t h e right w i n g .
resolution
I'm a
democracy
passed
strong
believer in
a n d believe
that
such
d e b a t e is its b a c k b o n e . C a n I t h e r e fore
suggest to Mr. (Ms?) "Break-
Finally,
p o i n t " that (s)he su bm its a p a p e r t o
BreakPoint
the
amount
their
exec
is still
organizing
you - and
say that h e d o e s n ' t m i n d if they w a s t e
- with this t h o u g h t : t h e
their U n i o n r e s o u r c e s is i n a p p r o p r i -
I'll
leave
o n advertising the
ate a n d n o t h e l p i n g his students. If he
t h e se c o n c e r n s t o b e o p e n l y d e b a t e d
d e m o n s t r a t i o n is a tiny f r a c t i o n o f t h e
w a n t ' s t o s e e a w e l l r u n event, that
in a d e m o c r a t i c f o r u m ?
a n n u a l pewter tankard budget.
next
union
council,
allowing
spent
to students,
appeals
he c o u l d d o
worse than attend the R S M Christ-
Art'
Russell
The d a y C & G U
Cummer
T o m Leggett
Diary.
RIVALRY RELIGHTS
D e a r Felix,
Writers
I feel I must reply t o t h e points
Sunil R a o , Jim G e a c h ,
made
in B r e a k p o i n t
in last
issue. W h i l s t b r o a d l y s u p p o r t i n g M r
John Clifford, Bashari
o r M s Point's right to r e m a i n a n o n y -
Bakari, Newton,
J a m e s H o l i a n , T o m Leggett, W i l l D u g d a l e , Steve Jolly, G u s Paul, Matt C o c k a y n e ,
Helen
Clark, Marie Nicholaou & David
Matt C ockayn e , I w o u l d like t o raise a c o u p l e of issues a b o u t M r . G a n e s a r a j a h ' s
u m n in Felix last w e e k . Firstly, h o w d o e s t h e s t a t e m e n t that C & G f r e s h -
series
ers h a v e a n A-level poi n t s a v e r a g e o f
criticisms a n d
v e i l e d insults, s e e m s u n f a i r a n d c o w -
29,
ardly.
s u p e r i o r to a l l t h e o t h e r
. . . T h e I C U holy g rai l is t o b e
Roberts
which
obviously
makes
R S M U President
col-
as a
of inacurate
2 5 % , I'll
Y o u r s faithfully,
D e a r Felix,
c l o a k t o h i d e b e h i n d , then level a
m o u s , to u s e this a n o n y m i t y
manage
t a k e m y h a t off a n d s a y well d o n e .
weeks
Andy Ofori, Gareth M o r g a n ,
Kevin B u t c h e r / N a t a s h a
nearly 5 0 % of t h e freshers a t t e n d i n g .
ICU Equal Opportunities Officer
B e n Fisher
Books
m a s B a l l . O u r Freshers D i n n e r h a d
Paddy Hayes
G e o r g e Constantinides
them
freshers
MEDICAL DEFENCE D e a r Felix,
at
Imperial, have an y relevance to the
I a g r e e with B e n J o n e s (not m y
" b i g question" of what C & G U c a n
real n a m e ) M e d i c i n e 4 o n the subject
i n g t o b e p r o u d o f in s t a n d i n g b a c k
do for them?
that Felix h a s i m p r o v e d vastly, b u t the
and
student
g r a d u a t e s e a r n m o r e t h a n o t h e r IC
i d e a o f Prince A l b e r t is to n o t b e a
Sunil, H e l e n , T i m , Viv, Russell,
h a r d s h i p is w o r s e n i n g . I s e e n o t h i n g
g r a d u a t e s purely b e c a u s e of the fact
Felix c l o n e . It is t o g i v e t h e m e d i c s
Eleanor, W i l l i a m , Allypally,
t o b e p r o u d of i n a p a t h y a n d i g n o -
they
M o , J a m e s , T o m , Etienne,
r a n c e o f the w i d e r s i t u a t i o n . M o s t of
d e g r e e is n o n s e n s e . I think that t h e
hearted
a l l , I s e e n o t h i n g t o b e p r o u d o f in
m e d i c s m a y c l a i m q u i t e rightly that
alternative t o r e a d . Y o u w o n ' t find the
taking
their
a p o l i t i c a l a n d p r o u d of it. I s e e n o t h -
Reviewers
I o u i s e , A l e x , D a n B, J o e l ,
doing
nothing
cynical
while
sideswipes
while
a
h a v e a n " i n d u s t ry o r i e n t a t e d "
degree's
are actually
rather
the campuses
across
latest
humour
some
light-
a n d something
cinema/music/sports
reviews
h a r d - w o r k i n g f e w in t h e n a t i o n a l s t u -
m o r e " i n d u s t ry r e l a t e d " t h a n t h o s e o f
as in t h e m o r e f o r m a l p r o d u c t i o n of
d e n t m o v e m e n t d o their level best t o
C & G , since t h e vast majority o f I C S M
Felix;
change
g r a d u a t e s a r e a c t u a l l y g o i n g t o use
h u m o r o u s l o o k at life o n t h e v a r i o u s
things f o r t h e better. T h e
rather
a
light-hearted a n d
m o t i o n to C o u n c i l , if B r e a k P o i n t h a d
their q u a l i f i c a t i o n f o r their j o b , r a t h e r
medical campuses, various amusing,
bothered
t h a n t a k i n g the highly o r i g i n a l c h o i c e
r a n d o m articles ( D o y o u , B e n J o n e s ,
to check
o u t his o r h e r which
of m a n a g e m e n t c o n s u l t a n c y . A l s o , I
o w n a l l a m a ??) a n d t h e jolly c a p e r s
rife within
don't remember junior doctors hav-
of s o m e o f t h o s e i n t h e m e d s c h o o l s
the N U S " ; precisely t h e p r o b l e m t o
i n g a h u g e c h o i c e in starting s a l a r y !
(activities o f w h i c h o f t e n d o involve
w h i c h he o r s h e refers.
T h e fact that the c o u r s e s in R S M a r e
rude words)
a c t u a l l y d e s i g n e d with industry h e l p
does
is
is o b v i o u s l y n o t a n e x a m p l e of h a v -
w h o c a r e s ? ? If y o u a r e s o sensitive
r e g a r d e d a s " p l a y i n g in t h e m u r k y
i n g a lucrative " i n d u s t r y o r i e n t a t e d "
as to b e i n s u l t ed by t h e m a t e r i a l in
w o r l d of p o l i t i c s " but o p p o s i n g o n e ,
d e g r e e , s i n c e A R S M is t h e a c k n o w l -
Prince
criticising v a r i o u s M P s a n d g o v e r n -
edged
l e a v e y o u r c o p y u n o p e n e d a n d give
m e n t p r o p o s a l s f o r t h e Lords isn't? I
a r o u n d t h e w o r l d in t h e m i n i n g a n d
it to s o m e o n e w h o will a p p r e c i a t e it
d o n ' t think this is a c o h e r e n t p o s i t i o n ;
petroleum
f o r w h a t it is (i.e. m o s t o f the p o p u l a -
facts,
included
a
clause
deplored "the careerism
Incidentally, o n e m i g h t a s k w h y supporting
Cor.
To i m p l y that C & G
a
demonstration
benchmark
for excellence
industries. I w o u l d
also
it s m a c k s o f d o u b l e s t a n d a r d s , b u t
like t o a s k ; w h o is the m o r e r o u n d e d
t h e n a p a t h y in t h e f a c e o f cut-backs
graduate?
and
I C S M w h o graduates having
other denigrations has always
Someone
from
!!
W h i l s t Prince A l b e r t
g o over
the t o p sometimes,
Albert, perhaps
you should
tion o f t h e M e d S c h o o l s !!).
RSM or learnt
J a m e s (my real n a m e )
The deadline for letters intended for publication is Wednesday 1 2 noon - drop into the portacabins or email felix@ic.ac.uk. Letters may be edited for length but not g r a m m a r or spelling.
2
k
3
a r t i c l e s d o s o b e c a u s e they h a v e at
D e a r Felix,
least s o m e interest in r e p o r t i n g , s o it I h a v e just r e a d y o u r Issue 1 1 5 7 and
agree
whole
heartedly
"Ben
J o n e s (not m y r e a l
with
name)"'s
m a k e s sense to e n c o u r a g e journalistic
the M e d i c s
not based
at t h e
by
confirming
facts
T h e silliest t h i n g I h a v e r e a d in
f e e d b a c k letter. Felix is r e a d by a lot of
integrity
a n d writing unbiased pieces.
Felix
is t h e e d i t o r
attempting
to
S o u t h K e n . C a m p u s , a s it g i v e s us
d e f e n d anonymity of ' M i s h M a s h ' .
Having
all a link with w h a t is g o i n g o n at
H e h a s p a s s e d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f this
response for my
South
column
K e n . Felix
is
entertaining,
informative a n d r e a d a b l e . However, concerning
the
comments
made
o n t o its writer, w h o h a s
als,
which
s h i r k e d r e s p o n s i b i l i t y by n o t g i v i n g
and
careers
his/her o w n n a m e . Y o u are a l ! pass-
Consultancy
a b o u t Prince A l b e r t , I w a s s h o c k e d .
ing the buck without
Prince
having
Albert,
a n d the
previous
m a g a z i n e s f o r the M e d i c s , a r e not
opinions.
You d o
not
alright,
badly.
tradition
o f the M e d i c a l
As
Schools
Bill M c C l a t c h i e 2nd Medicine
Physics
I
Yours sincerely,
w o r k a n d t o i l . T h e p e o p l e that write
unprejudiced.
my Sports E
are a
a n d a r e a light relief f r o m e v e r y d a y
for the m a g a z i n e s
b a s t i n g fror
C o l l e g e , y o u represent a
Imperial
but
whitewash (
represent
b u n c h o f a m a t e u r h a c k s w h o write
puerile
i
by y o u r
m e a n t t o insult, o f f e n d o r d i s g u s t
sometimes
sic
any of you
t h e guts t o s t a n d
a n y r e a d e r . T h e y a r e witty, silly a n d ,
everyone loves t h e m ! They
received
are many a n d
I a m sure
department
that t h e
have
A N D FINALLY...
funny
have
jokes a b o u t the M e c h E n g . d e p a r t ment a n d vice versa. T h e m e d i c s
^bove a l l , h o w -
scrap
w e a k e r side
: lack
of
cash
D e a r Editor,
h a v e f u n n y d i g s at n o n - m e d i c s just as t h e n o n - m e d i c s h a v e f u n n y d i g s
R e a d i n g y o u r letters p a g e , t w o
at t h e m , they a r e n o t m e a n t p e r s o n -
o r t h r e e t h i n g s j u m p e d o u t at m e ,
ally n o r t o o f f e n d a n d m o s t m e d i c s
a n d u r g e d m e t o p u t f i n g e r t o key-
d a n t o n ge
a r e g o o d f r i e n d s with t h e o t h e r n o n -
board:
with Turke'
m e d i c a l s t u d e n t s at I C . viz
and
Portugal.
consistently
class
pertorm-
Firstly, T a s h a ' s d i s c u s s i o n viz a
~\c s a c k .
Gctcs
Waterstone's;
t county
games
perhaps
I can
Y o u r Faithfully
i n f o r m t h e d e b a t e a little by r e v e a l -
Kat
i n g that C o l l e g e a w a r d e d t h e b o o k
iheard
of) a n d
store c o n t r a c t t o t h e c o m p a n y ( a n d 3rd Year M e d i c
D e a r Sir, There
not t o I C U , w h o h a d r e l i a b l y b e e n
starters, Ke
running
importance
the b o o k s t o r e
f o r years)
b e c a u s e they p r o m i s e d that " T h e I C has
recently
been
an
W a t e r s t o n e ' s will b e o u r F l a g s h i p
i n c r e a s i n g n u m b e r o f letters t o Felix
Academic
r e g a r d i n g the treatment of M e d i c s
Titanic was unsinkable.
by Felix itself. This m u s t s u r e l y b e
Store".
Secondly,
Yeah,
a n d the
for the
I a m sure y o u have
w e l c o m e d , as any d e b a t e r e g a r d i n g
heard
the
f a c i l i t i e s f o r uses o t h e r t h a n
p u b l i c a t i o n is b e n e f i c i a l t o its
development.
I
have
but a
few
points I wish to m a k e : Every n e w s p a p e r asserts its o w n
of c o u p l e s
intended,
as
using
RSMII
those
suggested?
Jowly evapo-
oured
centres
as
conference
to receive
my fees
invoice
pable, despite a n o b \ p a c e o r l o n g - t e r m crs
paper
franked " C H O O S E IMPERIAL C O L -
of all stu-
d e n t s in a l l d e p a r t m e n t s . A s s u c h , when
inflammatory
repeatedly
printed
articles
are
LEGE FOR Y O U R I also 110%
CONFERENCE".
3S
problem pervades
m u c h o f the rest o f British s p o r t -
o u r right.
S u r e , w e h a v e s o m e of the best c l u b sides in the w o r l d in a variety
Newton
this w e e k s e e s E n g l a n d ' s first test
of sports, but that h a s for m o r e to
in h e r b i d t o e s t a b l i s h a n
a g a i n s t S o u t h A f r i c a kick-off, with
d o with the i m p a c t of that nice M r
the
Murdoch
alternative
support Tasha
The same
t o t h e N U S . It's a b o u t
team
management
once
than
it d o e s
with the
Medics
time a n Imperial S a b b a t i c a l got o n
a g a i n p r o m i s i n g a f r e s h start. Yet
quality of o u r players a n d coach -
(part o f I C , w h e t h e r a n y o n e likes it
with this - lazy s l a c k e r s e a c h a n d
who
es. A l l that
o r not) it is i r r e s p o n s i b l e o f t h e Felix
every o n e of her predecessors .
Stewart, A t h e r t o n , Butcher,
Cad-
whilst
some
their
cally) a n
place
(Atherton
in
particular),
tie m o r e
some
definitely
do
staff t o p r o v i d e
about
IC last y e a r in a n
envelope
from
representing the views
Tiddf
e world (and
er, Felix is s u p p o s e d t o b e t h e n e w s -
t h e r e f o r e it h a s t h e r e s p o n s i b i l i t y o f
Darts,
Bowls c a n we lay a r
refer o f c o u r s e t o J o h n F o s t e r a n d
facilities a b o v e a l l . I w a s s o h o n -
College,
r established player
Annette de Lima, using o u r prized
to c e r t a i n s e g m e n t s in s o c i e t y a n d
of all of Imperial
Snooker,
I
academic
Howev-
ent that
College
i n d i v i d u a l i t y a n d style, this a p p e a l s
allows a niche to d e v e l o p .
editions
unbalanced
d o w e f i n d in t h e s q u a d ?
remains
is f o r t h e
B r i t i s h s a o r t i n a Dress t o c a t c h o n .
opin-
i o n s , a n d state ' f a c t s ' that a r e r e g u -
With kind regards,
larly d u b i o u s in t h e i r n a t u r e . I p r e -
Andy Heeps
s u m e that t h e s t u d e n t s write
I C S M III
these
All complaints should be addressed to the Editor. If no satisfactory reply is received, contact ICU Exec via the Union President
do
deserve
not
(most
notably the 3 8 y e a r o l d Stewart).
Dave
\* V i n e : ;
Z
6 my m
%PM
CASH (COURTESY OF STA TRAVEL)
OA A CRATE OF LAGER. FREE TO ENTER
THE ORIGINAL AND BEST
III ilSi p 3:3' (0BSm^ :
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2 •
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e
y
z e s
d
s s g y
s
s n
react n
r r
•
d e n
c
x
y
Okay,
so
again.
A s this
seems
it's t i m e
for me
short
t o b e slow ly
piece moving
from a n introduction to Frequency to a full-on
column
The Longpigs Mobile Home (Epic)
Various Major Force West 93-97 (Mo Wax)
I'd like t o t a k e t h e o p p o r t u n i ty to c o n t i n u e this sion.
I
moaned
about
people
about
the
progres-
last
week
complaining
music
and
A f t e r t h r e e y e a r s , T h e L o n g p i g s h a v e f i n a l l y r e t u r n e d , b u t t h e f e w f a n s that
This isn't y o u r s t a n d a r d ' g r a b a b u n c h of
they o n c e h a d a r e n o w r u n n i n g e v e n thinner.
obscure records, a n d d u m p them o n a
S o T h e Longpigs f a c e the
i m p o s s i b l e t a s k o f trying t o sell a g r e a t a l b u m , with very f e w h e a d - t u r n i n g
C D ' k i n d of c o m p i l a t i o n . W h i l e m a n y of
club
s i n g l e s , t o t h e m a s s e s , w i t h o u t t h e s u p p o r t o f a f a n b a s e t h a t similarly-
the tracks a r e d o u b t l e s s a l m o s t i m p o s s i b l e to o b t a i n t h r o u g h n o r m a l c h a n n e l s in the
sections, a n d as I f o u n d put-
s i z e d b a n d s (the B l u e t o n e s , D o d g y a n d t h e like) rely u p o n t o b o o s t t h e i r
ting m y o p i n i o n a c r o s s w a s s o
sales a n d get themselves noticed a g a i n .
m u c h f u n , I'd like t o d o t h e
a n a l b u m r a t e d a s 8 / 1 0 by b o t h NME
same again...
e v e n m a d e a d e n t o n t h e t o p t e n - a l b u m c h a r t in its first w e e k o f r e l e a s e .
the m u s i c o n this a l b u m . P e r h a p s it's just
T h e S u n Is Often
w o u l d say that m o s t o f the tracks c o u l d be
B e c a u s e o f this, M o b i l e H o m e , a n d T h e Melody
Maker
has not
U K , they a r e all here o n merit, rather t h a n obscurity.
Its difficult t o c a t e g o r i s e m o s t of
e n o u g h to say that it's g o o d . A t a push I
... frequency... it's weekly
Out,
c l a s s i c s a s She Said,
T h e L o n g p i g s d e b u t a l b u m , g a v e us s u c h
Lost Myself
a n d t h e s o u r i n g O n and On,
near
but since
t h e n , w h i l e t o u r i n g in t h e U S a n d b a t t l i n g that s e c o n d a l b u m w a l l , a l l c o n t a c t with t h e m h a s e v a p o r a t e d .
N o public attacks o n other b a n d s o r the
described
at
heavily
rewired,
beat-led
a u r a l e x p e r i m e n t a t i o n . W h i c h doesn't r e a l ly m e a n a n y t h i n g . It's all g o t a jazzy feel -
Alright then - the M i l l e n n i u m ,
g o v e r n m e n t , n o o u t r a g e o u s r o c k a n d roll i n c i d e n t s , n o c h a r i t y g i g s o r
pushing back
a n d as the KLF f a m o u s l y said
even a C D : the lack of a U K a p p e a r a n c e
has e r a s e d the n a m e of the
b u i l d i n g beasts a n d m o o g i s h w e i r d n e s s .
Even when lead singer Crispin Hunt
That there is a track with t h e m o n i k e r "Here
- 'What
the Fuck
is G o i n '
Longpigs f r o m the public's memory.
b o u n d a r i e s with
fearsome
O n ? ' W e l l I'm still u n d e c i d e d
w a s b o t t l e d r e c e n t l y in a g i g by his f o r m e r d r u m m e r , they r e c e i v e d less
comes
myself, b u t w h e n I l o o k e d at
s p a c e in t h e N M E t h a n t h e i m p o r t a n t n e w s that t h e D a w n o f t h e R e p l i -
e n o u g h f o r a n y T h o m a s ' s o u t there.
the d a t e t h e o t h e r d a y I felt
cants were releasing another
my first w o r r y that I w a s l e a v -
enough anymore.
This isn't m a i n s t r e a m m u s i c . If doesn't r e a l -
w h a t a r e t h e o p t i o n s ? First o f
W i t h a s i n g e r a s d i s t i n c t i v e a s C r i s p i n H u n t , it's very h a r d f o r a n a l b u m by
scratched
all I s u p p o s e I c o u l d
the L o n g p i g s n o t t o s o u n d ' l o n g p i g s y ' ; Mobile
tunes
ER
Just w r i t i n g g o o d
music sadly
the t i m e in a n i g h t c l u b . W e l l
Funky
Monkey"
should
be
isn't
ing the d e c i s i o n t o o late. S o
spend
the
ly h a v e lyrics p e r s e , a p a r t f r o m a few
Homes
certainly d o e s . Y o u
c a n r e a l l y tell f r o m t h e a l b u m that their t i m e a w a y h a s b e e n h a r d ; t h e
out samples
don't
really
work
a n d yelps. T h e as
background
m u s i c - if y o u h a v e it o n , y o u listen. T h e r e
that's g o i n g t o b e e x p e n s i v e .
m u s i c is very m o o d y .
m o o d y , that m a k e s y o u w a n t t o
is a c h i l l e d vibe a b o u t this c o l l e c t i o n , n o n e
It's a l s o g o i n g t o b e a n i g h t -
s l a m y o u r h e a d in t h e o v e n a n d d r e a m o f g l u e sticks, he's g o t t o o m u c h
of the artists f e a t u r e d a r e in a n y hurry to
mare o r g a n i s i n g my mates to
of a p o i n t t o p r o v e , he's p i s s e d off. E a c h s o n g h a s b e e n s o a k e d in t h e
b u i l d t o a c r e s c e n d o of n o i s e . M o s t f a v o u r
buy
g u t - w r e n c h i n g p a s s i o n H u n t d i s p l a y s in t h e d e b u t a l b u m , with lyrics t o
the a p p r o a c h w h i c h s n e a k s u p o n y o u in its c o m p l e x i t y rather t h a n s h o c k i n g y o u o u t -
some
tickets.
Another
N o t a N o Surprises
o p t i o n is just h a n g i n g a r o u n d
m a t c h . The Frank
the L o n d o n , b u t if y o u ' v e e v e r
l o w u p s i n g l e t o Blue Skies
hit T r a f a l g a r
Square
a n d s e e s t h e o n l y true return t o a g u i t a r - p o p t u n e . T h e y still h a v e t h e s l o w
you'll
that
know
nightmare what's
left?
of
before
this
an
is
idea.
a So
At the
moment
I'm trying t o d e c i d e
between
finding a messy h o u s e
l o v e s o n g s in Baby
Sonata,
t h e first f r o m t h e a l b u m a n d t h e m o s t likely f o l is f a r a n d a w a y t h e best s o n g f r o m t h e a l b u m
it is i n d e e d
T h e m o s t e n j o y a b l e t h i n g a b o u t listening t o
H o w e v e r , like m a n y b e f o r e t h e w a i t h a s b e e n t o o
this c o m p i l a t i o n is the w a y the m u s i c takes
Blue, their s c r e e c h i n g r a g e in Blue Skies;
a well-rounded album.
right with c h a o s a n d c o n f u s i o n .
y o u o n a journey. W h e n t h o s e instrumen-
l o n g a n d a n y h o p e o f a s u c c e s s f u l return h a s l o n g b e e n b u r i e d .
tals h a v e y o u in their g r i p , y o u r m i n d w a n ders pleasantly, I often f o u n d myself v i s u a l -
party
S o here's t o T h e L o n g p i g s , m a y they rest in p e a c e . In t h e i r m e m o r y , here's
and working a n d then s p e n d -
s o m e c l a s s i c lyrics f r o m t h e n e w a l b u m : 'love like you ' v e n e v e r b e e n b u r n t ,
ising
ing the m o n e y e a r n e d
kiss like y o u r t o n g u e is o n f i r e , s u c k like y o u d o n ' t n e e d t h e m o n e y , s i n
w h i c h is often like a film s c o r e in its style.
on a
things
to
accompany
the
music,
trip t o A m s t e r d a m . H o w e v e r if
like there's n o b o d y j u d g i n g , c o s h o n e y if y o u t r i e d , I'd c o m e r u n n i n g t o
Let yourself e a s e i n , a n d g o o n a journey to
a n y o n e h a s a n y better i d e a s ,
y o u c h i l d , like l a s s i e s f i n a l m i l e . '
the West.
Quality.
I'd l o v e t o h e a r t h e m . T h a n k s then, a n d g o o d b y e .
Dave
D
Joel
2
c
y
A
soundtrack
album
from
Hollywood blockbuster can
Various Bossa Tres... Jazz (Warner)
The Artist... Rave Un2 The Joy Fantastic (Arista)
Various Brokedown Palace (Mercury) a be
When
an
album
by a n
ageing
artist is full of g u e s t
appearances
This
CD
is t h e
result
of
a
Japanese-
i n c l u d i n g C h u c k D, S h e r y l C r o w , A n i D i F r a n c o a n d G w e n S t e f a n i (of
French c o l l a b o r a t i o n p r o d u c i n g a fusion
a n e x e r c i s e in m e d i o c r i t y . H o w -
N o D o u b t ) , it's a l m o s t c e r t a i n l y d o w n to a l a c k of o r i g i n a l m a t e r i a l
of J a z z , L a t i n o a n d D a n c e .
e v e r this effort, f r o m a f i l m s t a r -
a n d a n e e d to a d d 'designer names' to a p o o r p r o d u c t to
m i n u t e s of, a p p a r e n t l y , " p u r e , d e e p , jazzy
ring Kate B e c k i n s a l e a n d C l a i r e
sales (please refer to Tom J o n e s ) .
D a n e s , strives to g o a bit f u r -
can
Billboard pop and
R&B
increase
H e ' s a p p e a r e d in b o t h t h e A m e r i -
chart every yea r since
1978 and
no
grooves".
It is o v e r 1 1 0
It is c l a i m e d that this p r o j e c t "is
a n o d e to e c s t a t i c diversity, r i c h n e s s a n d
ther. T h e f i l m is a b o u t t w o girls
d o u b t this i m p r e s s i v e r e c o r d w i l l c o n t i n u e w i t h t h e s i n g l e s to b e t a k e n
open-minded
w h o , whilst o n h o l i d a y in T h a i -
f r o m this a l b u m .
s e r e n e p a t h w a y into t h e n e w m i l l e n n i u m " .
land,
get
falsely
accused
The
c a n d e s e r v e the d e a t h
time he releases music.
Press R e l e a s e states t h a t T h e Artist ' b r e a k s n e w g r o u n d
N o t o n l y a s a v i s i o n a r y t r a i l b l a z e r w i t h his
c o n s t a n t e x p l o r a t i o n , b u t a s a n i n n o v a t i v e t r a i l b l a z e r ' , b u t if y o u ' d
is f i l l e d with
f a l l e n i n t o a c o m a f o r f i f t e e n y e a r s a n d w o k e n u p to h e a r his
over
a
lot of
getting
rolling,
female
emotional
'ethnic
beats.
1
new
their s a m e n e s s a n d l a c k of a n y few tracks
styles
involved,
CHANCE.
T h i s is a l o n g w a y f r o m t h e c o o l n e s s a n d s o p h i s t i I n s t e a d P r i n c e h a s m a n a g e d to r e c r e -
e x p e c t that
of n a t i o n a l
prolonged sleep.
a t e t h e t y p e o f s o u n d t h a t h e n e e d e d t h e N e w P o w e r G e n e r a t i o n for.
A
would
mash
and
c a t i o n o f G e t O f f a n d Cream.
ideas.
One
a l b u m , y o u c o u l d b e f o r g i v e n f o r t h i n k i n g t h a t y o u ' d just b e e n in a
T h e s e s o n g s m o s t l y a n n o y with
new
soothing
and
every
in B a n g k o k . A s s u c h t h e a l b u m
vocalists
a
T h i s is a m i g h t y b i g c l a i m to live u p t o .
of
drug s m u g g l i n g - a crime that penalty
values,
an
and
exciting,
original sound It s o
with the
cultures
would
mish-
musical
i n t eres t i n g
result.
FAT
l a c k s o r i g i n a l i t y that it
c o u l d h a v e b e e n p r o d u c e d by a n y of the weaker
members
of
the
early
nineties
a c i d jazz s c e n e . T h e m a j o r i t y of the t r a c k s
do
a r r a n g e d a n d p r o d u c e d t h e a l b u m a n d in a n t i c i p a t i o n of its r e l e a s e
don't g o anywhere.
PJ
George
M i c h a e l w r o t e t h e s o n g Too F u n k y as a s u m m a t i o n of its
b e a r a b l e if t h e t r a c k s w e r e s h o r t but t h e s e
sound.
Harvey
gives
us
a
more
quirky s o u n d .
T h a n k f u l l y , the m a l e c o n t i n g e n t
Joy
b o r i n g : they just
Rave
m a n a d d s a g o s p e l twist whilst
Un2
The
a r e just s o lifeless a n d
s t a n d o u t t h o u g h : S a r a h Bright-
Fantastic
is
classic
Prince.
He
composed,
excellent, m o r e by A u d i o w e b Foundation
upbeat
tracks
and Asian
make
more bearable.
the
Two
Dub
album
Tricky d o e s his
m u m b l i n g stuff with DJ
Muggs
but still fails to d i s a p p o i n t .
Had
be
T h e A r t i s t c o m b i n e s r o c k g u i t a r i n g w i t h n u - f u n k g i v i n g t h e lis-
"jazz e n t r e p r e n e u r s " h a v e d e e m e d it n e c -
t e n e r m o r e t w a n g s t h a n a c o r d u r o y c o n c e r t a n d Phil's s e v e n t i e s d j i n g
e s s a r y f o r t h e l i s t e n i n g p u b l i c to e n d u r e at
put together.
least six m i n u t e s o f repetitive j a m b e f o r e a break.
m a k e u p f o r the r a t h e r o r d i n a r y t u n e s s u p p l i e d by the g i r l s .
N o w this m i g h t
F r o m t h e first s o n g (that t a k e s t h e s a m e title a s t h e a l b u m ) Rave
the Joy
Fantastic
His c o l l a b o r a t i o n s are often barely
n o t i c e a b l e , r e l y i n g o n his f a m o u s c a s t a s b a c k i n g s i n g e r s a n d
Road
To m a k e m a t t e r s w o r s e , the b e a t s
a r e u n i n t e r e s t i n g in t h e e x t r e m e .
T h e Artist hits y o u w i t h a w a l l o f s o u n d , his v o i c e as
p o w e r f u l a n d d i s t i n c t i v e a s ever.
cians.
Un2
A n e x c e p t i o n to this is his c o v e r of Every
Day
Is A
musi-
Winding
w i t h S h e r y l C r o w w h i c h is n o t h i n g s h o r t of b r i l l i a n t . M o s t m o d -
e r n d a y c o v e r s a r e m e r e l y t h e s a m e s o n g with a d i f f e r e n t v o i c e
(see
N o w this is not to say that this C D is t o t a l ly t e r r i b l e b u t if y o u w a n t s o m e t h i n g that is
then
the
m a j o r i t y of the t u n e s just d o n ' t cut it.
interesting
and
listenable
The
e x c e p t i o n s to this a r e Cilberto
Can-
and
a m e m b e r of the o p p o s i t e sex
P l a c e b o ' s 2 0 t h Century
written this it w o u l d h a v e p e r -
i n t e r p r e t a t i o n o n t h e s o n g t h o u g h , I d i d n ' t e v e n r e a l i s e it w a s a c o v e r
g u i t a r riff with e x p e r i m e n t a l d i t h e r i n g key-
f o r m e d better.
until h e hit t h e c h o r u s .
board.
Not
staple
listening
by
any
Boy).
T h e A r t i s t puts a c o m p l e t e l y
If y o u ' r e a P r i n c e f a n t h e n this a l b u m w o n ' t d i s a p p o i n t .
different
F o r t h o s e of
domble,
In
which
blends
c o n c l u s i o n , this
a
project
great
eastern
provides
an
enough
y o u e x p e c t i n g s o m e t h i n g n e w t h o u g h , y o u ' l l f i n d a r e t u r n to the r o o t s
e n d l e s s s t r e a m of m u s i c a l
tasty m o r s e l s to m a k e m e c o m e
n e v e r d i d a n y o n e h a r m a n d it h a s w o r k e d in g i v i n g T h e Artist a m u c h
that a r e p l e a s a n t e n o u g h to the e a r but
back for seconds.
n e e d e d r e s u r g e n c e o f life.
after a f e w t r a c k s t e n d s t o b o r e .
m e a n s but it c o n t a i n s
Thorn
Dave
meanderings
Dan B
8
c
2
y Suede Can't Get Enough (Nude) Apparently
Les Rythmes Digitales Jacques your Body (make me SweaT) (Wall of Sound)
Brett
Will Smith Will 2K (Columbia) Will Smith always
manages for
to cre-
'can't
' V i v a le 8 0 s ' s c r e a m s s o m e o n e w h o
ate
g e t it u p ' o r is t h a t just
didn't actually h a v e the (unfortunate)
(against
the iron wills of e v e n the
greatest
of o p p o n e n t s ) .
a witty, m i s - h e a r d l y r i c ?
experience
This
is a
bleach
like
any
clang, clang'.
song
other
'clang,
oooh, It's n o
Nitrate er
Suede
o r Stay
b u t still
than
it's of
most
Eiffel
average from
a
nately)
the
a n d truly
time
has rung
from
moment
Summer-
radios
every-
rather
Jacques
to seize the m i l l e n n i u m t o o .
the
Animal
f o r m in t h e 8 0 s / d a n c e f u s i o n s t a k e s
s a m p l e s 1 9 9 9 a n d R o c k the
Togeth-
b u t t h e f a c t that ' J a c q u e s y o u r b o d y
1
a m o n g o t h e r s b u t still d o e s n ' t q u i t e
Sunny
Le C o n t
is u s u a l l y o n t o p
can be heard blaring from a
Will2K Casbah
refreshing
indie/dance
oooh
better
cross-over
some
continent.
instrumentals the
trance
beats
Willenium.
torted
vocals
than I ever c o u l d .
arse, o w n . I think s o .
Up, disappear,
ment
An
and
tune
Sci-Fi loop
background
c u t it f o r m e . T h e t e r m w e f i n d o u t is What?
the
on
friends
D e l i g h t a d v e r t m a y just tell y o u m o r e
dis-
compli-
overall
make
in
whilst
and
for a
atmosphere
(unfortu-
average
A
from
today's
indie
having
denim
a
w h e r e s i n c e ' 9 3 a n d n o w he's t r y i n g
65?).
now
actually
anthem
b i z a r r e hair, b u t I l o v e it a l l t h e s a m e .
s o - c a l l e d 'music' (did I say
of
drenched
an
Plexiq Colour My Day (Whoknows)
and
feel great one
top song.
indie
band.
ID
Knee High Introducing Elvis (Mercury)
Countermine Open Your Eyes (Columbia) Skip Raiders Another Day (Perfecto)
D'ception On The Dancefloord (48K Records)
R e p e a t a f t e r m e , ' T h e r e is n o s u c h
This is r e l e a s e d o n 4 8 k r e c o r d s , a n
kind-of-pop.
t h i n g a s t r a n c e , it is a l l m e d i a
con-
o f f s h o o t of Paul O a k e n f o l d ' s Perfecto
mine
sing a l o n g ' . T h e guitar
c o c t e d s p i n t o sell m a g a z i n e s a n d
l a b e l . It is e a s y t o s e e w h y this hasn't
a b l e s t a b at this with a
w o r k is o n l y just u p t o
C D s . I will s p e n d my m o n e y
going
b e e n r e l e a s e d o n Perfecto a s it's o n l y
g o o d m u s i c a l style, b u t
my o w n l o w s t a n d a r d .
c l u b b i n g a n d getting drunk instead.'
o n e step a w a y f r o m 2 - U n l i m i t e d a n d
the
The
If y o u s a y this 5 t i m e s a d a y y o u r life
Venga
interesting.
This s o n g is p o o r , n o t a p p a l i n g but poor. T h e lyrics a r e c h e e s y , put
the
records sing
are
along,
bass
Still
yeah
and
you
drums
just s o - s o b u t this
rest its
outshines
of the
band.
better
than
d a m n Puff D a d d y s o it has to get o n e .
Eyes
Your
reasonable,
is
a
New-
Order-style-rock-instru-
old
o n , and you
mediocrity the
'you
same
Open
ments-meets-keyboard-
B o y s style c h e e s e .
It h a s all
of
have
result
dullness
Countera
is f a r This
the
r e c o r d : c h e e s y lyrics, a r a p a n d slick
competent
ever
production.
ship continues
called
a n d a s this is
Luckily
a
shit
dance
it's n o t at a l l
musicianthrough
it
c a t c h y s o y o u w o n ' t h a v e it p l a y i n g in
the
Another
y o u r h e a d o v e r a n d over, b u t by t h e
okay, but not really my
d o e s not d i s a p p o i n t , a n d that's
s a m e t o k e n y o u won't b e a b l e t o s i n g
released should
Day
trance
of
from theme
but wholly
w ill b e better. O a k e n f o l d h a s p l a y e d this stuff f o r y e a r s l o n g b e f o r e it w a s
ingredients
reason-
on
his
Perfecto
be u p to scratch.
label
w h y this is m y s i n g l e o f t h e w e e k .
a l o n g w h i l e d r u n k in La S c a n d a l e .
rest o f t h e ER
kind of thing.
It's
.Singles Louise
reviews &
Alex...
by
2
c
y
Talking All That Jazz! Bemsha @ Notting Hill Arts Club
Death in Vegas @ Shepherds Bush Empire
All the jazz fans will understand when I say that we're quite a rare bread. That's why I'm
Death in Vegas. Three words, or two really as 'in' does -
always trying to get others involved a n d interested. You wouldn't believe how many pe o -
n't count. O k a y then 'Death' a n d 'Vegas'; two very dif-
ple can tell you they hate jazz without having listened to any real jazzman. I'm going
ferent words that both conjure up very different things
to tell you about a club in Notting Hill which will interest anyone. G o there, and then
in my mind. 'Death' makes me think of people dying
you'll be able to have your own o p i n i o n on jazz.
and how bad it must be, a n d then for some reason I think about suicide a n d how stupid it is. Vegas on the
The Notting Hill Arts C l u b isn't only a jazz c l u b ; in fact, it's only home to jazz musicians
other hand allows me to think on a much more fun
on Tuesday nights, but maybe that's why you should try a n d give it a g o . The atmos-
level. I think of g a m b l i n g , drink, sex, drugs a n d all the
phere is exactly what you would expect: noisy, lots of drinking, everybody having fun
hedonism that goes with the city that is Las Vegas.
chatting up the w o m e n whilst listening to some really groovy improvised music; the entry price is ridiculous ( ÂŁ5 after 8 p m , free before ), although the drinks inside aren't
This is what I was thinking about just before Death in
c h e a p ; but most importantly, the music is great. This club is known as N a t h a n Haines'
Vegas played at Shepherd's
k i n g d o m , because it's this very talented (and very young!) saxophonist/singer and his
M a y b e strange, or maybe not. But as soon as the band
Bush Empire last week.
band w h o pack the club every Tuesday night. A l o n g with his usual b a n d , he invites DJ's
graced the stage with Dot A l l i s o n , their mesmerising
and other musicians to bring you every kind of improvised music from Latin jazz to
first guest of the night, ail this d i s a p p e a r e d as I let the
heavy funk through hip-hop, a n d it always works perfectly.
music take over.
There is another reason why this club is irresistible. It was created to enable young
If you've heard Death in Vegas's recent Contino
artists to bring their talent to the stage, a n d therefore its regular clients are would-be
sions
Ses-
you'll know that their music is quite unique. Lying
photographers, designers a n d . . . models. Yes, I knew this might just be the best a r g u -
in a trippy no-mans-land between the rock, d a n c e a n d
ment to check out the club. The details are below a n d if you've got a Tuesday night free
electronica genres, they possess a style that is perfect
soon make sure you get d o w n .
for sitting arou n d and having a think to. O n the other
Notting Hill Arts Club 21 Notting Hill Gate W l 1 Tuesdays 8pm-lam Free before 8pm, ÂŁ5 after.
hand it's also perfect music for sitting d o w n , emptying your head of all your worries a n d just letting the music wash through you as you listen to the many intricacies of the tunes. Death in Vegas seem to employ more musicians than a small classical orchestra a n d this
As well as tunes being spun on the decks, I'd also like to mention a couple of live gigs c o m i n g up s o o n . These kind of gigs are more than worth the entrance fee.
gives them a meaty stage presence that smaller bands can oniy dream of. Further, the light a n d graphics show is a feast of a delicious multitude of flavours,
25th
which when summed with the music make one of the
November
Scott Hamilton @ Shepperton Jazz Club
best live packages of any of the UK bands of the late
This A m e r i c a n saxophonist has been arou n d for a very long time, a n d is a regular at
nineties.
the Pizza Express Jazz club. It's the first time I've see him elsewhere in London. He always delivers superb ballads rather than upbeat music, but that's g o o d from time to
All in a l l , this was a tremendous night. Three of the
time. This one depends on your m o o d .
four guest singers on The Contino
Sessions
turned up
to a d d to the delight of the p a c k e d a u d i e n c e , with 29th
and 30th
November
Bobby G i l l e s p e giving perhaps the most m e m o r a b l e
Ian Shaw & Claire Martin @ Pizza Express Jazz Club They're performing a brand new show called If It's Magic,
performance with his wavy d a n c i n g a n d his fresh new supposed to be a celebration
schoolboy haircut. If you get the chance to g o , a
of the work of Stevie Wonder. This'll be more than great, whether you're a fan of Shaw
Death in Vegas gig is hard to beat, a n d much better
& Martin or not. The other great thing is that it's at Pizza Express so the f o o d will be
than a night with some of the more famous acts out
pretty g o o d t o o .
there. Have a think about it. Effiene
James
c
x
y y/^ 'i
•
•
•
.
•' '
Hippies Use Side Door @ The End all this scratching is making me itch!
Bedrock @ Heaven
Recommended Clubbing
D o I a l w a y s g e t this e x c i t e d w h e n
F r i d a y n i g h t s a w m e (Tom) a n d D a v e h e a d i n g to t h a t p r e s t i g i o u s
C l u b s , Trios, Taxi bars a n d t h o s e funny M u n c h -
I go
venue,
m a l l o w things. W e
clubbing?
Only
when
the
c l u b n i g h t is a s g o o d a s t h i s o n e . N o t that I h a v e m a n y
less
than
brilliant nights at c l u b s . T h i n k i n g about
it t h o u g h , t h e r e
is
clubs
I usually
go
End.
N o r m a l l y , the
high
price and
long
queues
w o u l d p u t us off, b u t n o t t o n i g h t , o h n o , f o r w e w e r e o n
The
to
are
all k n o w that a C l u b is the
best o p t i o n , s o if y o u c a n - get d o w n .
G u e s t List. N o t t h a t w o u l d a p p l y t o m o s t of y o u r e a d i n g t h i s , b u t
Monday
it m a k e s t h i n g s t h a t m u c h s w e e t e r t o b e u s h e r e d in like a VIP.
22th November;
£8
Free Saptal Ram Benefit @ The Scala; £8
good
reason for this...
The
The
W a l l of S o u n d rarely fails to impress a n d tonight was no e x c e p -
L o a d s of n a m e s of the bill h er e to try a n d raise
t i o n . In T h e B a d M a g i c b a r D J M i g h t y M i c o u l d n ' t m a k e it, s o
awareness
w a s r e p l a c e d by P r i m e C u t s f r o m t h e S c r a t c h P e r v e r t s . T h i s m a n
T h e r e ' s DJs f r o m A s i a n D u b F o u n d a t i o n , Primal
of
'Free
the
Saptal
Ram'
issue.
to
d o e s w o n d e r s w i t h t w o t u r n t a b l e s , a n d his m i x i n g a n d s c r a t c h -
S c r e a m a n d M a s s i v e A t t a c k to n a m e but a few,
impress the c l u b b e r s , rather t h a n
i n g w e r e t e x t b o o k . T h e c h o i c e o f t r a c k s w a s a little bit l a c k i n g
a n d o n t o p of this w e ' l l get Irvine W e l s h
those strange clubs that s e e m to
h o w e v e r , a n d it left m e t h i r s t i n g f o r s o m e t h i n g a bit m o r e .
H o w a r d M a r k s o n the m i c . This has g o t to be
Know-
In t h e M a i n R o o m , D J T o u c h e f r o m t h e W i s e g u y s d e l i v e r e d t h a t
Tuesday
ing B e d r o c k well t h e n , after hav-
bit m o r e . . . a n d e v e n m o r e a n d m o r e ! F l a w l e s s m i x i n g o f c h o i c e
Tuesdays @ Le Scandale; £5
b i g b e a t w h i p p e d t h e c r o w d i n t o a f r e n z y . H e e v e n d r o p p e d in
Yes, it's Tu es da y a g a i n a n d t i m e to c o n v e r t a n
ones
that
make
an
effort
just w a n t t o b e c o o l . A n d clubs usually fail anyway.
ing been
a
number
more than g o o d .
those
of times, I
and
tracks. W h e n
Ooh
La La
came
on
as
the
u n s u s p e c t i n g c l u b just off O x f o r d Street into a n
some
e d t h a t it w a s g o i n g t o b e
p e n u l t i m a t e t r a c k , f a c e s a l l a r o u n d lit u p . I t h o u g h t I'd h e a r t h a t
extension of the u n i o n .
t h a n brilliant. Every d e t a i l of the
s o n g t o d e a t h , b u t h e a r i n g it e c h o a r o u n d t h e b a s e m e n t
Thursday
night w a s perfect - the beer, the
erns with a b e a t so t h u n d e r o u s even T h o r w o u l d be j e a l o u s , I
v o d k a , the v e n u e , the t u n e s , the
c o u l d n ' t h e l p l o s i n g it. If T h e E n d w a s a r o c k e t , t h e n D J
Touche
H i g h r i s e is slowly b e c o m i n g the night h o m e is
dancing...
p u t it i n t o s p a c e . T h e s o u n d s y s t e m at T h e E n d is g r e a t . It r e a l -
k n o w n for. This m a y h a v e s o m e t h i n g to d o with
D a n c i n g at B e d r o c k
is
perhaps
his o w n
November
k n e w b e f o r e the night e v e n startmore
of
23th
cav-
Rather
than
November
ly k n o c k s y o u o f f y o u r f ee t w i t h o u t m a k i n g y o u r e a r s b l e e d t o o
Friday a n d S a t u r d a y nights at the v e n u e getting
much.
a c h e e s y a n d e x p e n s i v e b a d g e c o m p a r e d with
o n e of the m o s t easily a c c e s s i b l e dances for anyone.
25th
Highrise @ Home; £5
H i g h r i s e ' s b a r g a i n £ 5 e n t r a n c e fee. U n f o r t u n a t e l y , t h e s t a r of t h e s h o w , D i m i t r i f r o m Paris
wasn't
Friday
26th
November
t h e r e . I h a v e n ' t g o t a c l u e w h o his r e p l a c e m e n t w a s , b u t h e w a s
Move @ The Ministry; £10
h a v e t o d o is t u r n u p a n d let t h e
pretty p o o r , s t i c k i n g t o g e n e r i c d e e p h o u s e w i t h n o t m u c h
The
m u s i c take over. U p l i f t i n g tunes
k e e p y o u i n t e r e s t e d . If w e w a n t t h a t , we'll g o t o t h e M i n i s t r y !
having
are
t o try t o d a n c e
aplenty
at
this
all
venue
you
B a c k in the B a d M a g i c bar, DJ
clubnight
greatest
ever
been
to.
Ministry dishes u p its u s u a l Friday
selection of t e c h n o a n d
hard house.
night To
be
e x p e r i e n c e d at least o n c e .
and
that's w h y this is p e r h a p s t h e b e s t I've
to
Greenpeace
b r e a k s a r o u n d . This m a n
was s p i n n i n g the
k n o w s his s o u ! , a n d
there
Saturday
27th
November
Freedom @ Bagleys; £12
G o i n g b a c k next m o n t h is t h e r e -
w a s a n e v e r a l a c k o f i n s p i r a t i o n f r o m his v o l u m i n o u s
record
This w e e k
fore s o m e t h i n g I h a v e to d o a n d
box.
to
'Human
although
e v e n i n g . O u r r o c k e t is n o w o r b i t i n g r o u n d M a r s , a n d I t h i n k it's
r a n g e of m u s i c a l tastes.
g o i n g t o stay t h e r e . U n t i l next F r i d a y , o f c o u r s e .
u n d e r t a k i n g his r e g u l a r eight h o u r journey a l o n g
the
experience
has
g i v e n m e a b l o c k o n my writing style,
this
will
never
stop
This was
the
perfect
up-tempo
but
chilled end
the
me T h i s n i g h t c o n f i r m e d m y o p i n i o n t h a t T h e E n d is o n e o f t h e b e s t
Bedrock kicks arse.
c l u b s in
you
the
message?
You
should d o , so don't mess up! James
c e l e b r a t e s the
l a u n c h of
Four r o o m s cater for a wide F o r DJs w e h a v e A r i e l
with a host of others. T h e cast of the film will b e
going. Super venue, super club;
Get
Freedom
Traffic'.
London.
Getting
Prime
Cuts
as
a
replacement
just
there as s h o u l d y o u . To have your club added
s h o w s t h e s o r t o f p o w e r t h e y h a v e . T h e p l a c e is o p e n until 5 a m
along,
as w e l l , m a k i n g sure that y o u always get y o u r money's w o r t h ,
it down
we'll check
to this list just invite us
it out and if we like it we'll
e v e n f o r t h e £1 0 it n o r m a l l y c o s t s t o g e t i n . R e c o m m e n d e d ! Tom
e-mail: phone:
020
7594
8072
put
felix@ic.ac.uk ask for
James
x
1
s
method A ,
t Bush Theatre - S h e p h e r d s Bush Tube
Tricycle T h e a t r e - K i l b u r n T u b e
Lyric T h e a t r e - H a m m e r s m i t h T u b e
£7.00 C o n e .
£9.50 C o n e .
£5-12
This
is, w i t h o u t
doubt,
o n e of the
most m i n d n u m b i n g l y tedious of t h e a t r e
pieces
I have ever h a d the mis-
fortune to see. T i m Fountain's
" W h o will rid m e off this t u r b u l e n t Priest?" - s a i d the K i n g ; m e e t
Y o u r f o u r best f r i e n d s - t h e l a d s together-
the m e n w h o d i d - they h a c k e d the A r c h B i s h o p to pieces o n the
then o n e of t h e m h a n g s himself.
a l t a r of his c a t h e d r a l . Four characters,
new
play unsuccessfully attempts to bring
Thomas
together
knights the murderers. T h e p e o p l e
Crisp
the
writings
in a d i s a s t r o u s
reminiscent
of
inmate
verbal
play
with
murders
a
of
Quentin
monologue -
a B e c k e t w a s t h e Priest, H e n r y loved
II t h e K i n g , t h e f o u r Becket a n d so the
K n i g h t s h a d t o k e e p a l o w p r o f i l e , very low. They lived short of
using dance,
joke telling
a n d a c t i n g , portray the difficulties f a c i n g the f o u r m e n d e a l i n g with this d e a t h
a n d its
effect o n t h e i r r e l a t i o n s h i p s with e a c h other.
home
f o o d a n d h e a t i n a c a s t l e in K n a r e s b o u g h s o t h e e n r a g e d B e c k -
This
et s u p p o r t e r s d i d n o t l y n c h t h e m . I g u e s s e d t h a t this story h a d
The
and
been given a m o r e m o d e r n e d g e w h e n the Knights called Beck-
between contemporary d a n c e a n d more tra-
theatre
nursing diarrhoea.
Crisp's
Cone.
work
performance
style
is set
somewhere
et a " c o m p l e t e a n d utter f u c k w i t " a n d d e s c r i b e d his m u r d e r a s
d i t i o n a l a c t i n g . This p e r h a p s m e a n s that t o
g o e r to c o n t e m p l a t e h o m i c i d e .
" t h e w o r s t c a r e e r m o v e in h i s t o r y "
truly a p p r e c i a t e t h e s h o w y o u n e e d a c e r t a i n
T h e t h e a t r e itself, t o s a y t h e l e a s t , is
T h e play e x p l o r e s the effect of s u c h a terrible d e e d a n d s u b s e -
m o t i o n a n d d a n c e in t h e a t r e .
induces even the most sedate
k n o w l e d g e a n d a p p r e c i a t i o n o f t h e use of
less
than
ergonomic
-
with
it's
quent isolation. The knights cherish "Loyalty a b o v e a l l , loyalty"
c r a m p e d uncomfortable seating you
to the King a n d to e a c h
s o o n find the b a c k of y o u r h e a d
d e s t r o y i n g e a c h w h i l s t u n d e r t h e s t r a i n o f b e i n g l o c k e d in t h e
bly (the p r o d u c t i o n c o m p a n y )
castle?
string o f s u c c e s s e s a n d a W e s t E n d t o u r
W e see the d e g e n e r a t i o n of the knights together a n d a l o n e f o r
t h e t w o arts. T h e o v e r a l l effect in hymns
such a time. They get drunk all the time o n b a d wine a n d a r e
d u c e s s o m e very e n t e r t a i n i n g s c e n e s w h e n
subject to g r e a t bouts of s e x u a l frustration - o n e of t h e m
m o t i o n a n d s p e e c h a r e u s e d effectively.
nes-
tled nicely in the c r o t c h of t h e p e r s o n
o t h e r - b u t c a n it s t o p t h e m
from
Crisp
has h a d a
s i n c e it f o r m e d in 1 9 9 4 u s i n g this b l e n d o f
behind you.
Bette B o u r n e
T h e p r o d u c t i o n is b r a v e a n d Franti c A s s e m -
plays the 91 y e a r o l d
and appears
himself to be a
budding case f o r the pro euthanasia
loves
pro-
t h e h o u s e m a i d , w h o is in l o v e w i t h o n e o f t h e o t h e r k n i g h t s , w h o , in turn, has t u r n e d into a m a d d r u n k e n recluse... M e a n -
The
a
psychi-
w h i l e , the o t h e r t w o knights used to love e a c h o t h e r - very c o n -
m a i n story, with t h e p o r t r a y a l o f t h e m a i n
atric n u r s e e s c o r t , let a l o n e
o n the
fusing!
c h a r a c t e r s a s " l a d s " f a l l i n g flat. T w o o f the
c a m p a i g n . T h i s m a n s h o u l d n ' t b e let out o n the street w i t h o u t
acting, however,
badly
let d o w n t h e
a c t o r s w e r e just f a r t o o c a m p t o effectively
stage. T h e most exciting part of the play w a s w h e n his w i g nearly fell off:
A t o n e p o i n t t h e y b e c o m e s o b o r e d w i t h s u c h utter i s o l a t i o n -
pull off l a d i s m - m a y b y t h a t ' s a l l y o u c a n
riveting.
a n d as their p l a c e within the local c o m m u n i t y h a d r e a c h e d l e g -
expect from such g o o d dancers!
The m o n o t o n o u s droo l was punctu-
tend that they a r e praying all day, only eating b r e a d before b e d
The characters
ated with o c c a s i o n a l e p i g r a m s
time.
d e a l i n g with t h e los s o f o n e o f t h e i r c r e w
reliance o n the Prompt - p o o r girl, I
If t h e r e is a s t a r in this s t r o n g c a s t it is J o h n n y Lee M i l l e r , o f
d a n c e went s o m e w a y to t o u c h the a u d i e n c e
doubt she has ever w o r k e d so hard
Trainspotting
in h e r l i f e . If y o u a r e t e m p t e d t o s e e
r e a l l y c o m e t o life. R i c h a r d W i l s o n s h o w s w h a t a n a c c o m p l i s h e d
i n v o l v e d . A n e n t e r t a i n i n g s h o w that in its 6 0
this p l a y t h e n
e n d a r y status - that they o p e n the castle t o the p u b l i c a n d p r e -
c o m p l e t e l y n o n s e n s i c a l by
Bourne's
darkened
individual mental
struggles
l a c k e d p u n c h . S o m e of the physicality of the
f a m e , b r i n g i n g that extra kick that m a d e t h e p l a y
but
otherwise
we
were
not
emotionally
t h e a t r e m a n h e is a s d i r e c t o r o f this f a s t m o v i n g witty, s h a r p a n d
minute p e r f o r m a n c e produce s funny scenes
r o o m a n d shoot yourself. M a r k s out
daring
u s i n g b o t h m o t i o n a n d s p a c e , b u t with n o
of five - d o n ' t m a k e m e l a u g h .
again.
• ••••
retire t o a
made
Ally
pally
play. A joy to w a t c h ; the Tricycle theatre
h a s d o n e it
real d r a m a .
ID
Mo
s
2
x
The Dating Game, Davina McCall
Complete Prose, Woody Allen
E x p e c t n o g r e a t r e v e l a t i o n s . D a v i n a M c C a l l ' s b o o k is l i g h t , e n t e r t a i n -
F o r f a n s o f W o o d y A l l e n this is a m u s t h a v e . A c o l l e c t i o n o f fifty-two
i n g a n d c o m p l e t e l y u n o r i g i n a l . T h e r e is n o t h i n g h e r e t h a t a c o u p l e o f
p i e c e s o f w r i t i n g w h i c h is f u l l o f A l l e n ' s wit a n d i d i o s y n c r a t i c w o r l d v i e w .
g o o d m a t e s c o u l d n ' t h a v e t o l d y o u . T h i s is a b o o k f o r t h e t u b e . L i g h t e n o u g h t o carry a r o u n d with y o u a l l d a y , interesting e n o u g h that y o u
N o t s o m u c h a b o o k f o r r e a d i n g straight o u t a s f o r d i p p i n g into f r o m
c a n i g n o r e y o u r f e l l o w p a s s e n g e r s , b u t n o t s o e n t h r a l l i n g that you'll
time
miss y o u r s t o p .
m o m e n t s a n d a l l of the stories a n d plays e n c o m p a s s Allen's p a r t i c u l a r
H o w e v e r , M c C a l l is n o t h i n g if n o t t h o r o u g h . S h e d i v i d e s d a t i n g i n t o six
A l l e n N o t e b o o k s ' w h i c h a r e t o b e p u b l i s h e d ' p o s t h u m o u s l y o r after his
s e c t i o n s , b e g i n n i n g w i t h 'the d i l e m m a ' , p a s s e s t h r o u g h ' h o w t o m e e t a
d e a t h , w h i c h e v e r c o m e s first':
to time.
Complete
Prose
contains
some
truly
laugh
out loud
view o f life, society a n d r e l a t i o n s h i p s . F o r e x a m p l e 'Selections f r o m t h e
m a t e ' , 'first d a t e p r o t o c o l , 'sex' a n d ' c o u p l e d o m ' t o e n d w i t h ' s p l i t t i n g 1
u p ' . H e r k n o w l e d g e is c a r e f u l l y d i v i d e d i n t o h e a r t - s h a p e d b u l l e t p o i n t s
G e t t i n g t h r o u g h t h e n i g h t is b e c o m i n g h a r d e r a n d h a r d e r . Last e v e n i n g ,
(except in 'splitting u p ' w h e r e they're b r o k e n hearts) a n d t h e e x a m p l e
I h a d t h e u n e a s y f e e l i n g that s o m e m e n w e r e trying t o b r e a k into m y
s t o r i e s a r e e n c l o s e d i n b o x e s ; p r e s u m a b l y t h i s is s o y o u d o n ' t c o n f u s e
r o o m t o s h a m p o o m e . But why? I kept i m a g i n i n g I s a w s h a d o w y f o r m s ,
t h e m w i t h t h e rest o f t h e text ( h e a v e n f o r b i d ) .
a n d at 3 A . M . the u n d e r w e a r I h a d d r a p e d over a c h a i r r e s e m b l e d t h e Kaiser o n roller skates. W h e n I finally d i d fall a s l e e p , I h a d that
same
To b e f a i r t o M c C a l l s h e d o e s s t a t e a t t h e b e g i n n i n g o f t h e b o o k t h a t
h i d e o u s n i g h t m a r e i n w h i c h a w o o d c h u c k is t r y i n g t o c l a i m m y p r i z e a t
h e r a d v i c e is h e e d e d a t y o u r o w n p e r i l . T h i s is a g o o d p o i n t . W h i l e
a raffle. Despair.
m u c h o f the b o o k states the b l i n d i n g l y o b v i o u s - 'You'll m e e t w h e n y o u l e a s t e x p e c t i f a n d p l a c e s t o g o o n a first d a t e cinema, more
concert)
- other
personal to M c C a l l .
pieces
someone
(restaurant,
of information are perhaps
I'm q u i t e s u r e s h e is a l o n e
a little
in using such
A classic W o o d y Allen blend of c o m e d i c surrealism a n d p a r a n o i a which r u n s m o r e o r less t h r o u g h a l l o f t h e p i e c e s i n t h e b o o k s . T h i s d o e s f o r a truly W o o d y
e x p e r i e n c e in e a c h
p i e c e , b u t m e a n s that
make
reading
m a n y a t a s i n g l e s i t t i n g c a n r e d u c e t h e e f f e c t a n d e v e n start t o g r a t e o n
p h r a s e s a s ' T o m m y t o d g e r still i n t h e t o y s h o p ' .
y o u r n e r v e s s o m e w h a t . It is i m p o s s i b l e t o r e a d t h e s e s t o r i e s w i t h o u t h e a r O n e o f t h e e a r l i e s t p o i n t s is t h a t w h e n y o u m e e t s o m e o n e y o u s h o u l d
i n g A l l e n ' s v o i c e a n d d e l i v e r y in y o u r h e a d , a n d it w o u l d b e a v e r y d i f -
be yourself, n o t s o m e o n e you're
ferent a n d p e r h a p s d i m i n i s h e d e x p e r i e n c e f o r s o m e o n e u n f a m i l i a r with
n o t . F a i r e n o u g h . A l t h o u g h it d o e s
s o m e h o w m a k e t h e rest o f t h e b o o k a little p o i n t l e s s . I m e a n if y o u ' r e a
paranoid xenophobe perhaps
Allen's film work.
rules o n h o w l o n g y o u s h o u l d wait
b e f o r e p h o n i n g y o u r b e l o v e d a r e n o t f o r y o u . O n t h e plus s i d e , this
W o o d y takes a i m at his s t a n d a r d targets of l o v e , s e x , m a r r i a g e a n d
b o o k doesn't offer a n y e u p h e m i s m d r e n c h e d m e a n i n g o f life, n o r d o e s
fidelity, a n d a l s o l o o k s a t w e s t e r n t h o u g h t a n d p h i l o s o p h y a s s e e n b y a n e u r o t i c N e w Y o r k J e w . Rife w i t h l i t e r a r y r e f e r e n c e s , f a m i l i a r i t y w i t h F a u s t
it p r e s e n t s i n g l e l i f e a f t e r t h i r t y a s a l o v e d e s e r t .
a n d t h e w o r k s o f F r a n z K a f k a is a d v i s a b l e , a l t h o u g h b y n o m e a n s In s h o r t a l m o s t a n y o n e c o u l d h a v e w r i t t e n t h i s b o o k ( a s s u m i n g
they'd
nec-
essary.
d a t e d a f e w times a n d weren't a c o m p l e t e stran g er to literacy). T h e s i m p l e f a c t is m o s t o f u s just d i d n ' t . W e h a v e o t h e r t h i n g s t o d o .
•
R e a l l y a p l e a s u r e t o r e a d - a n d y o u r p a r e n t s w i l l a p p r e c i a t e it t o o .
Katherine
x R e m e m be r that the two reviewed titles are available from the Waterstone's o n c a m p u s at a discount of 2 0 % . Take a d v a n t a g e of this offer M o n d a y to Friday 9 : 0 0 a m to 7 : 0 0 p m a n d Saturday 1 0 : 0 0 a m to 5 : 0 0 p m . G o o n .
Russell
S
, S
Imperial
- THE BUSINESS SOCIETY College,
London
W H A T IS MANAGEMENT
CONSULTING?
. . . BEYOND THE OBVIOUS . . .
1 2:30PM, THURSDAY 25
NOVEMBER
ROOM
HUXLEY
A
1 9 9 9
311,
BUILDING
PRESENTATION
BY
T H E B O S T O N CONSULTING G R O U P All events are open to members of T h e B u s i n e s s Society Annual membership is available for £1 at the door T h e B u s i n e s s Society is a member of the Imperial C o l l e g e Union
; 789:
4
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n
BCD EFGEH 1999
CINEMA What's on at ICU Cinema
Video Releases
Competition Time
This w e e k o u r very o w n c i n e m a is s h o w i n g The
The Prince of Egypt: O u t to Rent o r Buy 22/1 1/99
This w e e k
General's
Daughter,
Entrapment
a n d Eyes
W i d e Shut o n T u e s d a y a n d T h u r s d a y .
B a s e d o n the B i b l i c a l story o f M o s e s , The Prince is a n a n i m a t e d c a p e r by S t e v e n S p i e l b e r g ' s
The General's Daughter
starring J o h n Travol-
of Egypt
Dreamworks
Pictures in their latest a t t e m p t t o d e t h r o n e Disney. By t a r -
t a , M a d e l e i n e S t o w e , a n d J a m e s C r o m w e l l is
g e t i n g a d u l t s a s w e l l a s c h i l d r e n t h e m a t e r i a l is b o t h s e r i -
a b o u t w h e n warrant officer Paul Brenner (John
o u s a n d f u n ; a n d a l s o offers g r e a t attention to d e t a i l . W i t h
Travolta), a t o p investigator f r o m t h e Army's
a cast i n c l u d i n g R a l p h F i e n n e s , M i c h e l l e Pfeiffer, a n d Jeff
C r i m i n a l I n v e s t i g a t i o n D i v i s i o n , is a s s i g n e d t o
G o l d b l u m , it just can't b e m i s s e d . T h e a n i m a t i o n is b r i l -
look
into t h e m u r d e r
of C a pt a i n
Screen
h a s EdTv
g o o d i e bags to
g i v e a w a y c o n t a i n i n g a l l t h e u s u a l stuff. To get y o u r h a n d s o n o n e o f t h e s e b a g s e - m a i l
film.felix@ic.ac.uk
with
the answer
t o this
question:
Which film connects Dennis Hooper to Kevin Costner?
Elisabeth
liant, p a r t i c u l a r l y the u n l e a s h i n g o f t h e t e n p l a g u e s . T h e
S c r e e n a l s o h a s a F i g h t Club
C a m p b e l l . A r m e d with t h e p o w e r t o arrest a n y
o n l y w e a k n e s s is t h e s o u n d t r a c k . T h e s o n g s just d o n ' t c l i c k
g i v e a w a y . To g e t y o u r h a n d s o n t h a t , e - m a i l
military p e r s o n - w h a t e v e r t h e r a n k
-anywhere
in t h e s a m e w a y a s Disney's. This v i d e o r e l e a s e
loses
in t h e w o r l d , B r e n n e r is d e t e r m i n e d t o s o l v e
s o m e if it's c i n e m a t i c a w e but is still w o r t h w h i l e v i e w i n g .
the c r i m e , n o m a t t e r w h e r e his p u r s u i t l e a d s ,
(4/5)
e v e n if t h e c l u e s p o i n t t o his h e r o , "Fighting J o e " C a m p b e l l
(James
General
S c r e e n a t t h e a b o v e e - m a i l a d d r e s s with t h e a n s w e r t o this:
What is the name of Brad Pitt's character in Fight Club?
Dave
Campbell).
C a m p b e l l ' s d a u g h t e r w a s t h e p r i d e o f Fort MacCallum,
Life is Beautiful (La Vita E Bella):
goodie b a g to
O u t to Rent 2 2 / 1 1 / 9 9
a p o s t e r girl f o r t h e m i l i t a r y -
Screen
h a s tickets t o a s p e c i a l
preview of
b e a u t i f u l , s m a r t , a s u p e r i o r officer. W h e n s h e
This is t h e story o f a n Italian J e w i s h f a m i l y in t h e years
American
is f o u n d b o u n d a n d d e a d i n t h e m i d d l e o f a
l e a d i n g u p to a n d including the S e c o n d W o r l d War. T h e
Kevin Spacey, w h o g o e s t h r o u g h a mid-life
training field, the authorities fear the worst
f i l m is split into t w o j u x t a p o s e d h a l v e s . T h e b e g i n n i n g is a
crisis a n d A n n e t t e
a n d t e a m B r e n n e r with a n o t h e r C I D v e t e r a n ,
light s l a p s t i c k , w h i c h c o v e r s t h e h a p p y times w h e n w a i t e r
d e c i d e s to get revenge. To w i n these tickets,
G u i d o ( R o b e r t o B e n i g n i , w h o a l s o directs) courts s c h o o l -
e - m a i l S c r e e n with t h e a n s w e r t o
Sara Sunhill ( M a d e l i n e Stowe).
Beauty
o n 1 December.
Bening
It stars
as his wife w h o
t e a c h e r D o r a ( N i c o l e t t a Braschi). In c o m p a r i s o n t h e s e c Entrapment is a b o u t ' M a c ' M a c D o u g a l
(Sean
Connery), w h o has a n untarnished reputation
o n d half is s h o c k i n g a s G u i d o , D o r a a n d their y o u n g s o n Joshua
( G i o r g i o Cantarini) a r e taken to prison c a m p s .
When is American Beauty released in the UK?
as t h e w o r l d ' s g r e a t e s t a r t thief. S o w h e n a
G u i d o n o w uses his t o m f o o l e r y t o protect his s o n . It is this
p r i c e l e s s R e m b r a n d t is s t o l e n in N e w Y o r k , t h e
that gives it a different p e r s p e c t i v e t o p r e v i o u s h o l o c a u s t
To m a k e life e a s i e r p l e a s e p u t t h e n a m e o f
evidence points to M a c . Insurance
f i l m s . (4/5) â&#x20AC;˘
the f i l m c o r r e s p o n d i n g t o t h e c o m p e t i t i o n y o u
tor
Virginia
(Gin) Baker
investiga-
(Catherine
Jones) p e r s u a d e s h e r b o s s , w h o s e
Zeta-
Katherine
are entering in the subject of your e-mail.
company
will l o s e $ 2 4 m i l l i o n o n t h e theft, t o let h e r g o
She's All That:
O u t to Rent 2 2 / 1 1/99
T h e w i n n e r s o f last w e e k s c o m p e t i t i o n a r e :
after t h e m a s t e r c r i m i n a l . G i n gets m o r e t h a n she b a r g a i n e d f o r w h e n s h e m e e t s M a c .
This is yet a n o t h e r t e e n m o v i e c h u r n e d o u t f r o m H o l l y w o o d ' s p r o d u c t i o n line. W h a t d o e s it offer b e y o n d what's
Eyes Wide Shut is t h e last w o r k by Stanley
c o m e b e f o r e ? Very little I'm a f r a i d . T h e m o s t p o p u l a r g u y
K r u b r i c k a n d stars T o m C r u i s e a n d N i c o l e K i d -
o n c a m p u s , Z a c k Siler (Freddie Prinze Jr.), bets a m a t e t h e
m a n . If y o u h a v e n ' t h e a r d t h e h y p e a b o u t this
he c a n turn t h e s c h o o l g e e k , Lane y B o g s (Rachel Leigh
A Shah E Renshaw H Van Tilborg H Maguire B Ooi
f i l m a l r e a d y t h e n w h a t p l a n e t a r e y o u o n ! T h e C o o k ) , c o m p l e t e with h e r b i g bof f i n g l a s s e s , into the P r o m stars p l a y m a n a n d wife a n d t h e f i l m is a b o u t
Q u e e n . T h e rest is o b v i o u s . B o g s loses the g l a s s e s , is s u d -
their m a r r i a g e . D e f i n a t e l y w o r t h w a t c h i n g .
d e n l y b e a u t i f u l a n d Siler falls in l o v e . T h e p r o b l e m is y o u just can't h e l p b u t g e t i n v o l v e d a l t h o u g h m o s t o f the j o k e s
Thanks to everyone
The
fall flat. In t h e e n d , it is just a n a v e r a g e t e e n flick with a
t a k e last w e e k .
hip s o u n d t r a c k a n d a h a p p y e n d i n g . (3/5)
t w o R's. T h e a n s w e r t o last w e e k s q u e s t i o n ,
cinema
will b e h a v i n g
their
Christmas
party d u r i n g t h e last w e e k o f t e r m . W a t c h this space f o r more info!
Dave
P l e a s e c a l l by t h e Felix o f f i c e f o r y o u r tickets.
w h o corrected my mis-
Lonestarr does indeed
f o r t h o s e that d i d n ' t k n o w it, is
have
Spaceballs.
1999 I
22
25
H o w m u c h d o y o u v a l u e y o u r p r i v a c y ? D o y o u h a v e a n y skeletons in y o u r c l o s -
O n e s i m p l e w o r d a p p l i e s t o this f i l m , w h i c h c a n b e r e p e a t e d a n arbitrary n u m -
et that y o u don't w a n t p e o p l e t o find o u t ? H o w w o u l d y o u feel if y o u r life w a s
b e r o f times at y o u r leisure: " W h y ? " U p o n h e a r i n g o f Carrie
televised t o o v e r a 1 0 0 m i l l i o n p e o p l e 2 4 h o u r s a day, 7 days a w e e k ? W e l l ,
is p r o b a b l y the s a m e q u e s t i o n that f an s o f Carrie,
Ron H o w a r d thrusts these q u e s t i o n s u p o n E d Pekurny in his n e w m o v i e , EDfv.
classic, m a y a l s o b e a s k i n g . Twenty years after the first f i l m , w e a r e re-intro-
Last y e a r w e g o t The Truman
starting a u d i e n c e s ' o b s e s s i o n with a d o l e s c e n t issues a n d w a s s e e n by m a n y to
2 - The Rage, this
the 1 9 7 6 Brian D e P a l m a
d u c e d t o h i g h s c h o o l life in the U S . T h e first film m a d e a h u g e c o n t r i b u t i o n t o
Show
d e a l i n g with the crisis of a m a n w h o d o e s
not k n o w that his life is b e i n g televised t o the rest of the w o r l d . T h e story d e a l s
b e incredibly effective, with bot h its e m o t i o n a l t h e m e s a n d its o f f b e a t , slightly
with a c a b l e c o m p a n y w h o , in a d e s p e r a t e attempt t o i m p r o v e their ratings,
d i s t u r b i n g visuals.
e m p l o y a 31 year-old v i d e o store clerk , E d Pekurny ( M a t t h e w
McConaughey).
They w a n t E d t o a l l o w his life a n d his interactions with the rest of his f a m i l y a n d
T h e s e q u e l , like the o r i g i n a l , h a s a l e a d h e r o i n e a r m e d with the p o w e r o f
friends t o b e televised 2 4 h o u r s a d a y , 7 d a y s a w e e k f o r a certain length of
telekinesis. In spite of h e r s u s p i c i o u s similarity t o the o r i g i n a l C a r r i e (who w a s
time. H e a g r e e s u n d e r pressure f r o m his b r o t h e r Ray ( W o o d y Harrelson) a n d
w o n d r o u s l y a c t e d by O s c a r - n o m i n a t e d Sissy S p a c e k ) , there a r e a f e w differ-
t h e n , u n k n o w i n g l y p r o c e e d s t o w r e a k h a v o c o n his f a m i l y a n d friends by
e n c e s . H e r n a m e isn't C a r r i e , it's R a c h e l , a n d s h e isn't a n a i v e , v u l n e r a b l e p u b e s c e n t u n a w a r e of her secret talents. R a c h e l (Emily Bergl) is a n a n g r y G o t h ,
attracting u n w a n t e d attention t o t h e m .
a n d s h e k n o w s all t o o well of her ability t o fling objects using t h e p o w e r of h e r T h e b i g difference b e t w e e n The Truman
Show
a n d EDfv is that in The Truman
mind.
Show, the m a i n c h a r a c t e r w a s b e i n g f i l m e d without his c o n s e n t , while in EDtv the c h a r a c t e r is b e i n g f i l m e d o u t o f his o w n c h o i c e . N o w w o u l d a n y o n e r e a l -
T h e o v e r a l l p r e m i s e is a l m o s t i d e n t i c a l t o C a r r i e . R a c h e l is a n outsider, differ-
ly w a n t to d o that? To a w a k e n in t h e m o r n i n g t o t w o c a m e r a s d i r e c t e d t o w a r d
ent to most other s c h o o l kids. A g a i n , there is a m a n i a c a l , g o d - f e a r i n g m o t h e r ,
y o u r f a c e o r t o g o t o b a t h r o o m with a c a m e r a m a n w a i t i n g o u t s i d e to c a t c h
h e l p i n g t o e x p l a i n to us w h y R a c h e l g o t into that w o r l d - h a t i n g state in the first
y o u as s o o n as y o u w a l k o u t the d o o r . A p p a r e n t l y s o m e p e o p l e a r e willing to
p l a c e . H o w e v e r , w h e r e Carrie' s m o t h e r w a s a d i s t u r b i n g , ever-present f o r c e
d o this! P r o v i d e d that y o u c a n b e l i e v e this p o i n t , then the m o v i e is a g e n e r a l l y
t h r o u g h o u t the o r i g i n a l f i l m , a d d i n g to its i m p o s i n g m o o d , Rachel's m o t h e r
e n j o y a b l e o n e w h e r e y o u don't h a v e to think t o o m u c h . It's very o b v i o u s that
(played c o n v i n c i n g l y by J Smith C a m e r o n ) is safely l o c k e d a w a y in A r k h a m
Ron H o w a r d is trying t o m a k e a p o i n t a b o u t the rapidly d e t e r i o r a t i n g A m e r i -
A s y l u m . There is very little p o i n t t o h e r c h a r a c t e r , o t h e r t h a n t o f o r c e a link
c a n m e d i a culture (to g o a l o n g with o u r British o n e ) , but p e r h a p s h e s h o u l d
b e t w e e n the t w o films. It turns out that C a r r i e a n d R a c h e l a r e half-sisters, relat-
first l o o k c l o s e r at p e o p l e w h o a r e w i l l i n g t o m a k e a m o c k e r y o f their lives a n d
e d by their w o m a n i z i n g father. T h e plot flows a l m o s t identically t o t h e f o r m e r
t h o s e o f their friends a n d f a m i l y in a d e s p e r a t e attempt t o attract attention t o
f i l m , with s i m i l a r set p i e c e s . Eventually, t o w a r d s the e n d o f t h e f i l m , w e a r e
themselves. A s o n e c h a r a c t e r says, " P e o p l e u s e d t o b e c o n s i d e r e d f a m o u s f o r
a w a r d e d with a fantastic s p e c i a l effects l a d e n f i n a l e . C o m b i n e d with o v e r the
b e i n g s p e c i a l . N o w they're just c o n s i d e r e d s p e c i a l f o r b e i n g f a m o u s . "
t o p g o r e , it b e c o m e s nearly i m p o s s i b l e t o c a r e a b o u t the c h a r a c t e r s a n y m o r e . You'll h a v e m o r e fun sitting b a c k a n d l a u g h i n g at the d e a t h s c e n e s .
T h e a c t i n g is fine by e v e r y o n e in the cast. T h e a c t i n g by W o o d y H a r r e l s o n a s the brother, Ray a n d M a r t i n L a n d a u a s the stepfather, A l really stands out. L a n -
The R a g e is d i s a p p o i n t i n g but there a r e s o m e p l e a s i n g p e r f o r m a n c e s t h r o u g h -
d a u is a b s o l u t e l y h i l a r i o u s in e a c h s c e n e he's in a n d W o o d y H a r r e l s o n c o n t i n -
out the cast, e s p e c i a l l y f r o m Emily Bergl in h e r bi g s c r e e n d e b u t . O d d l y , clips
ues to p r o v i d e fine s u p p o r t i n g c o m i c turns. A n d R o b Reiner, d i r e c t o r of films
f r o m the first m o v i e a r e u n n e c e s s a r i l y s p l i c e d into s o m e o f the s c e n e s a n d Car-
s u c h as A Few Good
rie f an s will e v e n r e c o g n i s e f a m i l i a r s o u n d s e d i t e d into the s o u n d t r a c k . Y o u
Men a n d This Is Spinal
Tap, plays the h e a d S t u d i o Exec-
utive.
can't b l a m e a n y o n e f o r c o m p a r i n g the t w o films. U n f ortu n ately, w h a t e v e r t e c h -
W h e n this m o v i e w a s r e l e a s e d in A m e r i c a it w a s unfairly c o m p a r e d with The
The Rage is a n y t h i n g m o r e t h a n a n u p d a t e d r e m a k e . W h a t is u n a c c e p t a b l e is
Truman Show
that, in the e n d , the story is r e d u n d a n t . You're p r o b a b l y better off renting Car-
n i q u e is e m p l o y e d , n o t h i n g will distract y o u f r o m c o m i n g t o the c o n c l u s i o n that
a n d c o n s e q u e n t l y suffered at the b o x office. W h i l e they h a v e the
s a m e b a s i c i d e a , The Truman
Show w a s m o r e o r i g i n a l a n d , t o m e , s u p e r i o r to
rie o n v i d e o . It is a l s o difficult to r e c o m m e n d the f i l m . T h e difficulty a n d d i s a p -
EDtv, w h i c h s e e m s like a n e x t e n d e d s i t c o m . H o w e v e r , they a r e still different
p o i n t m e n t lies in the fact that despite all the p o i n t l e s s n e s s , there is a lot of o b v i -
m o v i e s that s h o u l d b e j u d g e d s e p a r a t e l y - a n d the m o v i e p r o v i d e s a n e n j o y -
o u s talent in this m o v i e , a n d w h e t h e r y o u like it o r not, the r a n k s o f hot, y o u n g
a b l e night out. Just as l o n g as you're n ot b e i n g f o l l o w e d by c a m e r a m e n . . . .
a c t i n g ability will c o n t i n u e to g row.
(mran
Sunil
x
s
6
readŠ
In
association
with
gameswire. A WHOLE
com NEW
WORLD
Independence War - Defiance (PC)
Abomination (PC)
Take X c o m , spice u p the g r a p h i c s , d a m p d o w n the m a n a g e m e n t m a k e it f u l l y r e a l - t i m e a n d w h a t h a v e y o u g o t ?
and
Independence
War - Defiance
is u n l i k e m o s t s p a c e c o m b a t s i m u l a t o r s i n
that it d o e s n ' t p u t y o u in the c o c k p i t o f a d i n k y fighter. I n s t e a d y o u ' r e i n
Its A b o m i n a t i o n .
c h a r g e of a 1 6 0 m l o n g ' D r e a d n o u g h t ' class corvette. A m y s t e r i o u s p l a g u e h a s i n c a p a c i t a t e d t h e entirety o f the
present-day
The Special Edition
c o m p r i s e s the o r i g i n a l l-War, r e l e a s e d t w o y e a r s a g o , w h e r e y o u s e r v e i n
U S A - m i l l i o n s a r e d e a d (it w o u l d n e v e r h a p p e n i n a f i l m - u n l e s s it w a s
the C o m m o n w e a l t h
Europe).
new 1 8 mission D e f i a n c e C a m p a i g n w h e r e the t a b l e has b e e n turned a n d
R e s p o n s i b i l i t y s e e m s t o f a l l (at l e a s t i n part ) o n a m a j o r c u l t
k n o w n a s 'The Faithful'.
Its m u t a t e d f o l l o w e r s a r e d o i n g t h e i r b e s t t o
N a v y s u p p r e s s i n g Indie i n s u r r e c t i o n a l o n g with t h e
y o u r f i g h t f o r f r e e d o m a s a n Indie C a p t a i n .
e i t h e r r e c r u i t (no s e m b l a n c e t o r e a l life t h e r e t h e n ) o r kill t h e s a n e r s u r E n t e r t h e p l a y e r w i t h his s e c r e t t e a m o f b i o e n g i -
K i c k i n g off a s t r o n g p l o t is a c r a c k i n g 1 4 m i n u t e intro m o v i e . E a r t h relies
n e e r e d N e m e s i s o p e r a t i v e s , a n d its t i m e t o g o p r a c t i c e s o m e a n t i - r e l i -
o n its c o l o n i e s t o f e e d its p o p u l a t i o n but t h e c o l o n i s t s a r e n ' t h a p p y with the
gious butt-kicking.
deal!
vivors o f the c h a o s .
T h e c o l o n i s t s s e e k justice in a n i n d e p e n d e n c e war.
In g a m e c u t
s c e n e s b u i l d this story further. Missions range
from wasting
a l l cult m i s s i o n a r i e s within a p a r t i c u l a r
sector to protecting your o w n premises.
A s the g a m e
progresses
your k n o w l e d g e g r o w s new objectives will b e c o m e a p p a r e n t .
and
A maxi-
Independence model.
War's o u t s t a n d i n g feature
m u m of 4 soldiers c a n b e taken o n any mission, putting a n e m p h a s i s
of o t h e r g a m e s .
o n s t r a t e g i c a n d s t e a l t h y c o m b a t if y o u w i s h t o p u l l o u t w i t h y o u r s q u a d
a l l o w s f o r a variety o f m a n o e u v r e s
still i n t a c t . satisfying
B e i n g o u t n u m b e r e d is g r e a t s i n c e it m a k e s it a l l t h e
when
you gruesomely
take-out
6 cronies
with
p l a c e d g r e n a d e , a n d t h e n retreat b e f o r e t h e e n e m i e s agent.
more
a sneakily
lock onto
your
A l t h o u g h real-time, the action c a n thankfully be paused to
is its N e w t o n i a n
based
flight
F l y i n g t h e D r e a d n o u g h t is a v e r y d i f f e r e n t e x p e r i e n c e to t h e F-l 5's W h e n t h e e n g i n e ' s t u r n e d off y o u just k e e p m o v i n g .
This
unseen elsewhere, such as sideways
m o v e m e n t a n d the a b i l i t y to f l i p o v e r 1 8 0 d e g r e e s a n d h a m m e r t h e e n e m y o n y o u r tail w h i l s t t r a v e l l i n g i n t h e o r i g i n a l d i r e c t i o n .
T h i s s y s t e m is t r u e r
to life t h a n m o s t g a m e s m a k i n g it i n t e r e s t i n g a n d f u n t o play.
If this sys-
t e m isn't y o u r c u p o f t e a , a n a l t e r n a t i v e a r c a d e m o d e is p r o v i d e d .
a l l o w y o u t o c h a n g e o r d e r s a t c r i t i c a l m o m e n t s - w i t h o u t this o p t i o n the g a m e w ou ld b e nigh o n impossible.
When
the game
w a s originally released
a friend
of mine
mistakenly
b e l i e v e d that l-War u s e d his 3 D f x c a r d b e c a u s e o f its s p e e d a n d a m a z i n g V i e w e d f r o m a n i s o m e t r i c perspectiv e o n e m a y c o m p l a i n a b o u t the lack of g a m e a r e a y o u c a n s e e o n t h e s c r e e n a t a n y o n e t i m e .
H o w e v e r , the
g r a p h i c s , not r e a l i s i n g t h a t it w a s u n s u p p o r t e d . O n l y n o w a r e the g r a p h ics s t a r t i n g to s h o w t h e i r a g e a g a i n s t t h e like s of H o m e w o r / d a n d
X-Beyond
d e c e n t g r a p h i c s p u l l s o m e a t t e n t i o n a w a y f r o m this g r i e v a n c e , a s d o e s
the Frontier
the extensive e n v i r o n m e n t interactivity with large n u m b e r s of cars
b e e n a d d e d , s o s h i p s l o o k b e t t e r t h a n e v e r if y o u o w n a 3 D f x c a r d .
and
a n d e v e n they a r e n ' t t h a t m u c h a h e a d . G l i d e s u p p o r t h a s n o w How-
weird o r g a n i c growths available for your wanton destruction. Based o n
e v e r as m o s t p e o p l e ' s g r a p h i c s c a r d s o n l y s u p p o r t D i r e c t 3 D they w o n ' t b e
a sprites/pre-rendered b a c k g r o u n d graphics engine
able
even I could be
a s s u r e d o f s m o o t h s c r o l l i n g a n d a n i m a t i o n o n my lowly PI 6 6 with VRAM.
2MB
t o s e e this. T h e s o f t w a r e
640x480).
engine
is e x c e l l e n t
(though
limited to
In t h e D e f i a n c e c a m p a i g n t h e r e a r e a l s o s o m e n e w a d d i t i o n -
al features such as a mid-point mission save, z o o m f u n c t i o n , collision
T u r n o n t h e g o r e a n d w a t c h t h o s e b o d y p a r t s fly! ( a h e m . . . )
a l a r m a n d a w e a p o n l o a d out screen a d d i n g t o the e x p e r i e n c e ; unfortuBesides trigger e x p e r i e n c e , s o m e shifting of resources, t e a m ment, a n d m i s s i o n selectio n a r e a l l vital t o y o u r c a u s e .
manage-
nately, t h e s e h a v e n ' t b e e n a d d e d t o t h e o r i g i n a l c a m p a i g n .
Unfortunately
h o w e v e r , t h e d e p t h o f s u c h o p t i o n s is s h a l l o w c o m p a r e d t o t h e X c o m
Despite a lack of multi-player missions the b r a n c h i n g m i s s i o n structure,
series w h e r e the p l a y e r c o n t r o l l e d s p e n d i n g a n d r e s e a r c h g o a l s are a s
involving plot line a n d u n u s u a l flight m o d e l c r e a t e a u n i q u e s p a c e - s i m
important as manufacturing criteria.
e x p e r i e n c e . If y o u h a v e t h e o r i g i n a l l-War ÂŁ 2 0 is a lot t o p a y f o r the D e f i a n c e c a m p a i g n a s the 3 D F X u p g r a d e is f r e e l y d o w n l o a d a b l e a l o n g with a If y o u d i d n ' t g e t l-War a n d a r e i n t o s p a c e c o m b a t g a m e s ,
A b o m i n a t i o n m a y n o t l e a v e y o u r e v e l l i n g i n its w a k e , b u t it is a g o o d
m i s s i on editor.
effort
I n d e p e n d e n c e W a r sets itself a p a r t f r o m o t h e r titles a n d is w e l l w o r t h l o o k -
nonetheless
a n d comes
highly
commended,
particularly f o r
i n g at. I k e e p g o i n g b a c k t o it.
gamers without monster PCs.
Viv
Tim
7
s
2
read Š where you compete against 3 other computer vehicles over
1 0 race tracks, always looking
to f i n i s h i n first p l a c e i n o r d e r t o p r o g r e s s .
mode. Unlike
many
games,
here
graphically
demanding
up to 4 players
driving
c a n bustle f o r
s u p r e m a c y a t o n c e w h i c h is just s o o o o o A m e r i c a n s certainly love p o w e r over finesse -
much
m o r e f u n t h a n the n o r m a l 2 . I n c l u d e the c o m -
just l o o k a t t h e i r N a s c a r r a c i n g c o m p a r e d t o
p u t e r if y o u w a n t a n d r a c e o n a t r a c k , o r e l s e
our
try o u t s o m e
beautiful
F l . In c o m p l i a n c e
with
this,
of the sub-games
such as tag,
t h e n , you'll f i n d that the h a n d l i n g o f the m o n -
summit rumble a n d s o c c e r (push
s t e r t r u c k ( a l t h o u g h r e a l i s t i c a l l y m o d e l l e d ) isn't
b a l l s i n t o g o a l s - n o t a s e a s y a s it s o u n d s ! ) . If
giant
foot-
as easy o r sensitive a s you might have h o p e d
you're l o o k i n g for s o m e t h i n g that doesn't take
for, but with p r a c t i c e the a n t i c i p a t i o n r e q u i r e d
itself t o o s e r i o u s l y
will b e c o m e s e c o n d nature a n d you'll be a b l e
h o u r s o f d r i v i n g m a y h e m , t h i s is it.
y e t still
provides
endless
t o pull off c r a c k i n g m a n o e u v r e s . B e s i d e s driving c o m p e t e n c y you'll also have to e n g a g e in some
Monster Truck Madness (N64)
aggressive
of shunting your
action track
tactics
will
become
rival
routine
drivers
off the
Famous
k n o c k e d a b o u t a bit t o o m u c h o r a t t e m p t t o c l i m b t o o steep a n incline a n d you'll find your-
big-wheeled
brutes a r e b a c k .
u r d a y a f t e r n o o n TV, t h e y ' v e f i n a l l y m a d e
their
self r o l l i n g over. V a r i o u s
Viv
business. G e t
for c r u s h i n g n u m e r o u s cars o n tacky late Sat-
Those
â&#x20AC;˘
a n d the familiar
p o w e r - u p s litter t h e
tracks that c a n p e r f o r m b e n i g n acts such a s
way to the N 6 4 .
oil-slick d e p o s i t i o n t o the sexier missile a r m a M o n s t e r Trucks, the W W F / W C W o f the d r i v i n g
m e n t o r e v e n the t r a n s f o r m a t i o n of your vehi-
w o r l d , sure h a v e the potential t o entertain a n d
cle into a flying m a c h i n e .
t h e i r i n c a r n a t i o n i n t o Monster
Truck
Madness
64 f r o m T a k e 2 d o e s n o t d i s a p p o i n t . T a k e t o
G r a p h i c s a n d s o u n d have b e e n well
the m u d t r a c k s i n o n e o f m a n y different t r u c k s ,
f o r a l t h o u g h it w o u l d
each sporting original a n d classy names
have been
catered
nice to see
such
the trucks get bust up o v e r time c o n s i d e r i n g a l l
as ' T h e H i t m a n ' . . . W e l l a t l e a s t y o u c a n ' t f a u l t
t h e p u n i s h m e n t t h e y t a k e . In e x h i b i t i o n m o d e
the p r o g r a m m e r s in their a t t e m p t s t o r e c r e a t e
y o u c a n a l s o c h a n g e the w e a t h e r a n d lighting
the w h o l e
ethos of monster truck
racing. A s
p e r u s u a l t h e r e is a s i n g l e p l a y e r ' c i r c u i t ' m o d e
conditions.
Madness
However, really
where
sparkles
Monster
is i n
Truck
multi-player
c o m p e t e in the c o n t i n u o u s l y a d v a n c i n g (at least
p l a y e r m o d e you'll n e e d t o b e a t c e r t a i n levels t o
f r o m a t e c h n o l o g i c a l p o i n t of view) g a m i n g w o r l d .
u n l o c k o t h e r s e n s u r i n g t h e r e is a l w a y s r e a s o n t o
This version of P o n g however completely blasted
c o m e b a c k f o r m o r e until every w o r l d a n d every
a w a y a n y s u c h d o u b t . T h e g a m e is fantastic - its
gaming arena
a m a z i n g h o w m a n y w a y s the p r o g r a m m e r s h a v e
Pong
h a v e b e e n u n c o v e r e d . A l l in a l l ,
is a brilliant r e m a k e o f its f o r e f a t h e r , a w i n -
w a n g l e d different g a m e s o u t o f o n e s i m p l e c o n -
ning f o r m u l a which has been given a m a k e o v e r
cept.
with e n o u g h frilly extras t o g u a r a n t e e that it still w o r k s in this m o d e r n i s e d w o r l d .
Take o n e s n o w s c e n e a n d a d d to it p e n g u i n s w h o , w h e n hit, g i v e y o u m o r e b a l l s t o c o p e w i t h . W i n this c o m p a r a t i v e l y e a s y level (by s c o r i n g 1 0 first) a n d you'll h a v e to d e a l with i n t r u d i n g p o l a r b e a r s a n d shifts in w i n d d i r e c t i o n . T h e n t a k e f o o t b a l l , g i v e e a c h p l a y e r 2 p a d d l e s (one g o a l i e a n d o n e striker) a n d try t o s c o r e 1 0 g o a l s . B e a t this a n d
Pong (PSX)
you'll get m o l e h i l l s , tie a n d the g a m e will b e settled o n a p e n a l t y s h o o t - o u t . T h e key to the s u c c e s s w a s the first
of this g a m e is the realistic physics o f the b a l l . It
g a m e t o use a g r a p h i c a l i n t e r f a c e ? M a y b e . A n y -
m o v e s a n d r e s p o n d s in utter p e r f e c t i o n , a n d this
A m I right in s a y i n g the o r i g i n a l Pong
way, that g a m e
(2 p a d d l e s , 2 g o a l s , a n d o n e f a c t o r c o u p l e d with s o m e o f the best g r a p h i c s I
b o u n c i n g ball) still f o r m s t h e b a s i s o f this latest
h a v e s e e n f o r the P l a y s t a t i o n m e a n that y o u c a n not but g l o a t at the eye c a n d y e m a n a t i n g f r o m the
edition.
screen. I usually a p p r o a c h r e m a k e s o f classic g a m e s with t r e p i d a t i o n a s they rarely live u p t o r e p u t a t i o n (eg Space
World
Invaders
a n d more
recently
Rampage
Tour), s i n c e t h e o l d c o n c e p t s c a n n o l o n g e r
Pong
h a s m u c h in t h e w a y o f l a s t i n g a p p e a l -
g a m e s a r e short e n o u g h t o play a g a i n s t the c o m puter o r a mate whenever,
w h atev er.
In s i n g l e
D
,v
J 15
28
1999
STA Quiz Night
Cocktail Night
Excess
W'-n £ 5 0 c o s h o r a
C l a s s i c party t u n e s for the post-match party. 9-1 a m , d B s
8 p m , d a Vinci's
c o c k t a i l s in t o w n . 5-1 1 p m , d a V i n c i ' s
Standing Room Only C h e l s e a vs F e y e n o r d
E
A
N
V
F
29
1999 J
15
n h ( how to impress your parents when you go home )
Christmas Carnival
O k . It's v e r y s i m p l e , a n d v e r y n i c e .
' T h e b e s t I b i z a style
The quiz for regulars
Three floors o f B o n d
If y o u ' r e o u t t o i m p r e s s t h a t l o v e l y
b u t if y o u try s o m e a n d it d o e s n ' t
mix of d a n c e , trance
a n d newcomers alike
themed entertain-
l a d y l i v i n g o n y o u r f o u r t h f l o o r , this
taste " h a r d " t h e n y o u ' r e there.
& cheesy house &
continues today.
ment headin g your
is t h e w a y t o d o it. Y o u ' l l n e e d t o
w ay o n the 1 7th
h o g a n e n t i r e c o o k e r t o d o it, b u t f i n e l y c h o p
garage.'
7 p m Southside bar
With
i t ' s w e l l w o r t h t h e e f f o r t (trust m e ,
emphasis o n the
Standing Room Only
on sale s o o n .
cheese, I suspect.
Bust-a-Gut R o b R o u s e , Paul
7.30, d a Vinci's
I've
not died
o
1 0 p m Projecti e
'rlc'-i
Union G y m , 1 2 p m
amounts):
switch t o f r y i n g - c a p a b l e heat a n d
•
Enough
•
200g
IS p o r t ; Ce'-re.-
Kung Fu Club • -/dn) >•
Soup run, 8 . 1 5 p m
Qiieen's Lawn, 7 p m
(Wu S h u K w a n )
Week's
Trip t o H e m p s t e a d
Southside G y m
Union G y m
Observatory.
4:30pm - 6:30pm
4:30pm - 6:30om
Basement
Wine Tasting
•
Room 3 4 2 , Mech
Practice session, 7 p m
Eng.
CAG
RAG Meeting
S o u p r u n , 8.1 5 p m
1.00pm
- Sainsburys
c m
Boys -
Highly a c c l a i m e d as a
' new
live a c t , t o n i g h t they
album. 'Sounds o
play their h o m e t o w n .
Science
the
d o some
spoon the
lazy s o d ) .
Add
6 (small) o r 5 ( m e d i u m )
sized
1II
.
r
nap-.
. - - • = - sues.
'id.
W i t h the likes o f Por-
ifybu
tishead's A n d y Smith
^fhte-ex .
this hip-hop night s h o u l d b e excellent.
:
•see - -menV--?
bad.
Jools Holland @ Royal Albert Hall
Steps @ Wembly
The funky dwarf plays s o m e blues
Tragedy
Sold ou*
•
Some
•
Some
R a l p h Fien-ies ( u n a
A very A m e r i c a n a n d
f a n v l v ; s\~r in : h s
very 9 0 s s e q u e l t o t h e
r o m a n t i c role with v a r -
refuses t o d i e p r e -
cl as s i c o r i g i n a l . O h
ied success.
v i e w s his n e w f i l m .
dear.
Virgin 4.10, 6.25, 8.40
Fulham
a b l e f o r the D f i c e m l
Footbc
a d a p t i o n Pushkin's
Chelsea
a g a i n filling large
The Cup
0 0 7 , the m a n w h o
2.00, 6.00, 8.50
Tickets a r e still a v a i l -
The Rage: Carrie 2
h a n d at a m o r e
Virgin
o d t h e irish b a n d a r e
The Cranberries @ Wembly Arena
Rd.
:
.
•--
•:
4.05, 6.25, 8.45
6.30, 9.20
Virgin
Trocadero
•
affecting debut fea-
(not
of chicken.
to taste,
sprinkle in
o n e y o u bought
carton)
6 . Fry s o m e g a r l i c a n d t h e rest
•
(a s p i c e t y p e t h i n g )
of the o n i o n in a l a r g e frying p a n ,
•
(fresh o r f r e e z e d r i e d )
in a little butter.
•
When
7.
(of c o u r s e ) c l o v e s (1 -2 d e p e n d i n g
cooked,
drain
frying
the potatoes are a n d a d d them to
on whether you fancy your
the
pan. A d dsome
c h a n c e s o r not)
butter. Y o u ' r e t r y i n g t o c o a t
You'll also need to locate a w o k your
parents
8. C o o k until t h e p o t a t o s k i n is
w h e n y o u c a m e here), a s a u c e p a n
slightly b r o w n / g o l d e n
for
ing o n the way y o u cook).
t h e rice
(ditto)
a n d another
9. R e m o v e
the potatoes from
t o d o t h e p o t a t o e s . T h i s is
the frying p a n a n d sprinkle with
G a d g e t s a n d guns
where c o o k i n g for a friend (poten-
s a l t ( s e a s a l t is b e s t ) , p e p p e r , a n d
g a l o r e lined-up a l o n g -
tial o r otherwise)
c h o p p e d chives.
side Pierce B r o s n a n .
handy.
saucepan
a n d large frying p a n /
m i g h t c o m e in
10.
If y o u h a v e n o f r i e n d s , y o u ' l l
O h , a n d there's D e n i s e
n e e d t o b o r r o w ( r e a d : steal)
some
D r a i n t h e r i c e (rinse
tle starchy). 1 1. If t h e c r e a m s a u c e
b o i l e d off well e n o u g h , a d d s o m e
anyway
m o r e mustard a n d / o r honey. You
Terry W o g a n a n d
fellow cyborgs in
Torgct about a
N u r s e that h a n g o v e r
t h e m first). T h e y s h o u l d t a k e a b o u t
mustard
as-a-documentary
G a b y R o s l i n k i c k off
this c l a s s i c b l o c k -
with s o m e c l a s s i c n o s -
3 0 m i n s t o c o o k ( 2 5 m i n s if n i c e
d e p e n d i n g o n y o u r taste.
series c o n t i n u e s
and bought from North End Road
tonight.
buster.
talgia.
drama-
Moonraker, Strangelove and •loid dreams: the visionary art of Ken Adams
S e a n B e a n is t h e
man in
..vin t h e
this y e a r s f u n d r a i s i n g marathon.
Britc
and
lives
out
of
m i g h t a l s o w a n t t o a d d s o m e salt
microwave meal boxes. 1.
Boil
the potatoes
(wash
M a r k e t ) . A d d 5 m i n s if n e e d e d (if
Proud
Galleries
Designing in the Digital Age
contemporaries
Victoria
Various
and
Albert
T h i s latest d i s p l a y chronicles three cut-
today.
locations
A showcase for
depending
12.
Serve
with
your honey
a side
salad
c o m p r i s i n g of lettuce, celery a n d chopped,
easy t o push a fork t h r o u g h t h e m
you
when
based
they a r e p r o p e r l y c o o k e d -
on how good
w as , a n d some
t h e y a r e t o o h a r d ) , b u t it s h o u l d b e
very
c a n find salad
ripe,
avocado.
a decent dressing
If
mustard then
so
y o u w a n t t h e m s of t b u t n o t f a l l i n g
m u c h t h e better, b u t a n i c e F r e n c h
to pieces.
d r e s s i n g d o e s just a s w e l l .
2. W h i l e the potatoes a r e b o i l -
r e c e n t f i n e art g r a d u -
ting-edge design
ates f r o m acros s
ing, y o u might also want t o boil
teams.
London.
the
First w e e k .
hasn't
or your flatmate w h o doesn't c o o k
A r n i e battles with
The popular
::
with
s o m e b o i l i n g w a t e r if it l o o k s a lit-
1 0 . 1 5 a m , ITV
:
10.20pm, BBC1
lal
Children in Need
(depend-
wok
7.10pm, BBC1
BBC2
Extremely Dan-
them
c r u n c h y exterior.
bought y o u
7.00pm, BBC1
9.00pm,
Terminator 2
more
so they c o o k better a n d d e v e l o p a
The Adventures of Captain Pugwash
Evening Standard Theatre Awards
curry
from the
Lottery
The Cops
about
of a g o o d
consistency
Union).
(jar)
kit f r o m y o u r f r i e n d l y h a l l k i t c h e n , 5.15, 7.15, 9.15
s
per 200g
more
The World is Not Enough
Richards. M m m m .
3.30, 6.20, 8.45
table
m o i s t u r e t o b u r n off h e r e , a n d y o u
(bottle)
(small
(which
H a r r i s o n F o r d tries his
Brokedown Palace
After a turbulent peri-
The Chemical Brothers @ Brixton Academy
orchestra.
S o l d out.
sauce
Adda
a n d honey to
some tarragon, a n d leave t o sim-
the
•
with his t a l e n t e d
c a n ir :
chicken.
of mustard
mer. Y o u ' r e h o p i n g f o r a lot of t h e
(medium)
and also...
Onegin
E d is c h o s e n t o
•
Foo Foghters (W Brixton Academy
fried
s h o u l d b e left w i t h a s a u c e
The World Is Not Enough
Random Hearts - . .- tot o f a
1
.
Ed TV :;;
Bullitt @ The Dogstar, Free
Trash @ The Annex,
until t h e c h i c k e n is c o o k e d
(cut into
n i c e stuff c u t u p f o r y o u , y o u
•
Asian Dub Foundation @ Scala, £8
a d d the chicken,
5. A d d t h e d o u b l e c r e a m t o
t o fill 1/2 a p l a t e of
R e h e a r s a l , 6.1 5 p m
Canoe Club
l o w heat,
a n d looks white.
new / Charlotte •
ICU Choir
6 p m , dB's
4 . Fry t h e o n i o n w i t h t h e w o k
cook
Kung Fu Club
leaving a
on
cubes
CAG
b o i l i n g stuff,
the o n i o n ,
q u a r t e r o f a n o n i o n left o v e r .
of food-poisoning
per person:
8 p m , dBs, £2.50/£2
LMN , OPQPRRSPTe 1- K W V U X YZ[\]^_ `abcde)
3. W h i l e you're
yet). Y o u ' l l n e e d (in m e t r i c s t u d e n t
Sinha a n d Alfie J o e y
Fencing Club
takes to c o o k d e p e n d s o n the rice,
Southside pub quiz
Utopia
r i c e . R i n s e first.
H o w l o n g it
13.
Eat, a c c o m p a n y
your
m e a l with a nice white w i n e , a n d enjoy.
d
0
x
The Felix Crossword, by Turnip Henry Across 1.
p l a c e d i n b e e r . (5)
Perfrom
incantation f o r
3.
in t h e a f t e r n o o n ,
4.
Kill i n s e c t g o i n g a r o u n d
6.
Spaniard
f i s h . (4) 5.
Sally,
day.
w r o t e a bit o f the B i b l e . (5) 9.
Italy's m y t h i c a l
7.
after
hospital
makes
1 7 . Er....
o n . (7)
seem
Rodent...
Urn...
T h a t ' s a m i s t a k e . (7)
roses
a n d unpleasant.
device
back
puts
around
N i g e l . (6)
(9)
2 1 . Stingers
2 6 . Deity d a d is b o s s . (9) 27. Back,
like
king,
let nest
22. Composer
me
fall
o v e r . (7)
for
beer. (5)
could
be
b u t c h e r . (6)
backwards,
2 3 . S t a n d a r d o n b o t t l e . (6)
t h e n h o l d . (7) 3 1 . E m o t i o n r a n g e is c h o p -
2 5 . A creature
messed up
m o d a l lair. (9)
py. (5)
28. Queen:
3 3 . W e e k e n d treat. (6) 36. Richard,
O h ! Twitch is
q u i t e sexy. (6)
d o prune the
2 9 . Flight c o m p a n y
f l o w e r . (6) 37. G o round,
3 0 . Stitch,
b r o t h e r b a c k t o it. (5)
rip o f f
m e a t . (5)
a n d take
er, a
disposal
s y s t e m ? (5)
3 8 . I, s o r c e r o r , c r e a t e a p i c -
3 1 . A d r u m is very s m a l l ( 4 )
t u r e . (5)
3 2 . Part o f a h o u s e
3 9 . T i g h t p l a s t i c s . (6)
that's
g o n e with t h e w i n d . ( 5 )
4 0 . Sit o n a f i s h . (5) 41 . Binty Kelly h a s a c h e e k y
3 4 . M i d l a n d s University h a s fog
c h i l d . (4)
~
like it
others
19. Detection
(5)
l
sounds
s m a l l . (6)
2 2 . Presiding, I swim in t e a .
Calamari
sounds
1 6 . Battle in short d a f f o d i l s
2 0 . W o r k e r in c i r c l e is g o i n g
J a z z and Rock presents..
bloke
w a s p r e - o r d a i n e d . (4)
w o r k e r . (5)
iCU
S c a n d i u m w o r k e r is l i m -
1 1. C a r n i v a l
is a c t u a l l y a l a d y ! (6)
diseased
like t o a d s t o o l s . (5)
1 5. Irritating p o i n t . (6)
28. Hug
back
10. Exciting
1 4. A m a l e District Attorney,
24. Bland
Repel
i t e d . (5)
makes
m o n e y . (5)
then
o n e . (5) 8.
p o l i c e d i v i s i o n . (5)
called,
j u m p e d . (6)
g o d is u p i n
13. Processed puree
(5)
N o r t h A m e r i c a . (9)
charac-
ter refers t o neuter. (6) 12. Winged
18. Look
Rice w a s h e d u p twice a
after
you.
(1.1.1.1.1.)
Down 2.
:
Fruit
3 5 . Imbibed old penny: disis
very
Answers to 1157: Across: C a r p e t s ,
quietly
Figaro,
g u s t i n g ! (5)
Carols,
Ages,
Elation,
Apes,
Trek, F a i l i n g , B e t a , D o o r s , T r i p e , L i o n , W a v e , Edits, A r g u e ,
the
H O P E <& A N C H O R
D u d s , Turn-ups, Y o g i , A c r e , H a w k e r s , C a r p , Digest, U t o p i a , Evoking.
Down:
y
0 O t h e r a c t s a r e P H A S E R and M A S T E R K U S H N e a r e s t T u b e H i g h b u r y <& I s l i n g t o n / A n g e l D O O R S 8pm-midnight : info 0 1 7 1 378 6 0 9 5
Mars,
Cone,
Pint, S c a n ,
A r e a , Albert,
o l i , Straw, A m u s e , u r c h i n , G a r l i c , E d e n , H a t e , K i n k , S l u g , Chop.
n
Ginger,
A l i a s , Idiot, T r i l l e d , K i d n e y s , F l o r i s t , G r i n g o s , Brewery, A l v e -
Ents preview 31
2 November 1999 • Felix
t This Friday , d B s p l a y s fourth s h o w Gut
host t o the
i n this y e a r ' s
Comedy
line-up,
Bust-A-
with R o b
the
highest point o f every
capital
and
compared
N e w Comedy
city. G e t t i n g a s f a r a s S h e f i e l d , R o b
shows at Edinburgh's G i l d e d
arrived
room.
in L o n d o n
only
last
year,
Ball-
A r i s i n g star o n t h e L o n d o n c i r -
Joey
w e a r i n g just a p a i r o f s h o e s ; n e e d -
(in a d d i t i o n , o f
ing a coat, he entered a local c o m -
cuit, R o b performs every
c o u r s e , t o f h e i n s p i r e d , n e o post-
edy c l u b , a n d finding the a u d i e n c e
at t h e B i g & D a f t C o m e d y N i g h t at
ironic,
d i s t r a c t e d by s o m e r a t h e r m e d i o c r e
the
n o b gags a n d difference-between-
simultaneously touring the country
Rouse, all
Paul S i n h a
o n t h e bill
a n d Alfie
observational
o u r very o w n M a r k
comedy of
Home).
jokes, a flowing
men-and-women
Rob Rouse Rob
was born from
Macclesfield years
later
babysitter
a w o m a n in
in 1 9 7 4 . Just
carpet-beater,
oblivious
number
was swiped.
Rob's
worked
his k n a c k e r s o f f ,
winning both the 1 9 9 8 H a Bloody
with a
H a N e w Act of the Year A w a r d a n d
his C h a n n e l
Four's
Funny
Edinburgh
S o You
Think a t last
competition
year's
a w a r d p r e v i o u s l y w o n by t h e likes
ogise to the babysitter at the v i l l a g e
of
fete,
Moran
Phil
Festival
-
Kay, Lee M a c k , a n d Tommy
C o m e d y Show. S o w h a t ' s his c o m e d y l i k e ? H e g o e s f o r " V i b r a n t , r a w , sweaty, f l a t ulent,
snappy,
twisted,
of f - ki l t e r ,
always surprising, always up f o r it",
a n whilst the B B C prefer the s n a p p i e r
ish e x c i t e m e n t . H e h a d n o r e c o l l e c tion of the incident. F o r c e d t o a p o l -
embar-
Festival
C o m e d y Z o n e a n d T h e Big & Daft
Rob
You're
and
Network. H e
returned to the Edinburgh
a n d he c o u l d sell c o a t s f o r profit.
actions d u e t o the r e d mist o f c h i l d -
the confused
the Comedy
a n d is
this y e a r , a s p a r t o f b o t h t h e 1 9 9 9
a
to
with
Inn, H a n w e l l
desire t o b e a c o m i c was alight,
five
he was smacking o n the bottom
mink
Viaduct
Saturday
" E x c e l l e n t " . S e e f o r yourself o n Fri-
Dylan
d a y n i g h t , w h e n £ 2 . 5 0 ( £ 2 with a n
Tiernan. Rob
E n t s c a r d ) gets y o u e n t r a n c e t o t h e
rassed l a d set off t o w a l k the w o r l d
subsequently
performed
in
with t h e a i m o f b r e a k i n g w i n d f r o m
Best o f S o Y o u T h i n k Y o u ' r e
T h e best a n d c h e a p e s t c o m e d y n i g h t in
Funny
t o w n . D o n ' t miss.
Computer Shop Level 4 Mechanical Engineering Building . m
s Prices @
http://www.cc.ic.QC.uk/admiri/shop/
Recycle your empty toner and ink cartridges.
All proceeds go to Leukemia in Childhood
and
s
2
x
Mountaineering Society WILL D U G D A L E Accompanied
part. A l e x , however,
by s e v e r a l
Ali G s (Here m e n o w . . .
amateur
Recognise!
had decided
v e n i n g period) w a s very e n j o y a b l e .
is s t a n d a r d o n g r i t - s t o n e ) . O n e o f
he w a s g o i n g t o relieve himself in
A l t h o u g h I'll n e v e r a d m i t t h a t t o m y
these, w e h ope , h a s been
the
c l i m b i n g p a r t n e r ( w h o m I h o l d fully
off,
responsible
s e r i o u s a t t e n t i o n ( d u e t o it b e i n g a
traditional
male
fashion. H e
c o u l d s e e t h e bark of the
chosen
f o r t h e stains
in m y
but the other
walked
required
more
etc.), a n d a v a r i e t y o f o t h e r e q u a l l y
t re e r e f l e c t i n g t h e c o o l m o o n l i g h t in
t r o u s e r s ) . T h e first d a y w e n t by w i t h -
b u m p to the b a c k . . . b e t t e r safe than
bizarre characters,
t h e d a r k (he h a d n o t o r c h ) , a n d the
out
sorry),
hypnotising
a l t h o u g h the Rescue Services w e r e
early a n d t r o o p e d t o A & E in Stoke-
called for another group: o n e of
on-Trent. T h e i n d i v i d u a l i n q u e s t i o n
m y trip
began
outside the U n i o n b u i l d i n g a t 6 : 0 0 on
Friday
actually one
evening.
been
with
I h a d never the I C M C o n
o f t h e i r trips o u t o f L o n d o n
before, despite having been c l i m b -
walls
in L o n d o n ,
so I was
unsure o f h o w m u c h I w a s g o i n g t o
it h a d o n
him
c o m p l e t e l y b l i n d e d him t o the fact it w a s i n t h e m i d d l e
that
stream.
He changed,
of a
The mostly
next
I
f o r us,
That evening w e drank. A n d I
brought
remember,
but
a c c o r d i n g t o t h e o t h e r s it w a s q u i t e
O u r second day dawned, a n d it w a s d a m p e r ,
b u t still n o t q u i t e
beginning to s e e the c o l d as my
ing always b e e n u n d e r the i m p r e s -
friend
e x p e r i e n c e d the (apparent) delights
sion that o n e needs feeling in t h e
warmer,
of c a m p i n g a n d i n a d e q u a t e
f i n g e r s t o c l i m b effectively.
next t i m e ,
toilet
f a c i l i t i e s a n d I felt a s if this w a s p e r haps
throwing
deep-end
a
myself
touch.
in at the I've
always
b e e n a h o t e l m a n m ys e l f . We
left,
warned
that
a
fairly
this w a s p e s s i m i s t i c ,
(though more
I'll p r o b a b l y waterproof
so maybe
take
clothes
as a friend
with h a l i t o s i s ) , a n d t h u s w a s in a f a r
a n d told t o stop c o m p l a i n i n g . S o
s u perior m o o d . W e went to a local
off
t o w n f o r b r e a k f a s t , a n d g o t a bit
w e went.
Roaches,
a n d after
I was
W e drove
which
to T h e
was where
were
g o i n g to s p e n d o u r w e e k e n d c l i m b -
s t o p p e d a g a i n a t t h e s a m e t o w n (if you ever pass through
away.
a nice day. I w a s u n c o n v i n c e d , h a v -
never
w a y l a i d , s i n c e it n o w h a d b e g u n t o drizzle
little
however, s o
nearby,
g o to the C o t t a g e
admit,
a n d have
relatives
up a
they arrived to relieve us, a n d w e
r a i n i n g . By this t i m e , h o w e v e r I w a s
e n j o y m ys e l f . I a m , I'll b e t h e first t o a pansy,
had
so we packed
m a d e our way back to Lon don . W e
p l a y e d d a r t s ( a n d lost).
morning
cold,
incident
their m e m b e r s h a d t a k e n a fall.
a n d w e ail
w e n t t o o u r tents.
ing with t h e m for t w o years o n artificial
effect
serious
a n d the clouds were
very
Mmmm)
Lutterworth
Chinese
where
m o r e t h a n t h e last t i m e , a n d we
were
back
Take-
I ate even soon
in t h e s p r a w l i n g
metropolis of London. Using a cunning the
human gear
chain
we unpacked
f r o m t h e v a n in record
time, a n d w e r e all o n o u r way home
before
back
y o u c a n say " H o w
m u c h money, like, w o u l d I n e e d , t o be a Mill-ee-on-air?"
uneventful journey (which involved
ing, a n d after s o m e w a n d e r i n g a n d
low. W e w e r e t h e r e , t h e n , at e l e v e n
eating
ever
w o n d e r i n g , w e d u m p e d o u r stuff o n
o'clock, so some
e a t e n i n m y e n t i r e life i n s o m e r a n -
a b i g r o c k , p a i r e d u p , a n d w e n t off
Remembrance
dom
at the
t o f i n d t h i n g s t o c l i m b . I've c l i m b e d
w a r m e d the heart of e v e n the c o l d -
wasn't
a lot i n s i d e , but n o t h i n g c o u l d p r e -
est c y n i c (i.e. m e ) . S o w h e n w e left,
L o n d o n , a n d in t o u c h with y o u r f e a r
raining (even t h o u g h I h a d c h e c k e d
pare
e v e n t h o u g h the w e a t h e r wasn't a s
of mortality, a n d
the w e a t h e r r e p o r t : m y l u c k is m u c h
a t t a c h e d t o a w a l l thirty f e e t u p by
g o o d a s the previous day, w e w e r e
rate it a s o n e o f t h e m o s t i n t e r e s t -
m o r e e f f i c i e n t t h a n t h e M e t ) . It w a s
two
all ready to d o s o m e serious c l i m b -
ing experiences
dark,
a t t e m p t i n g t o b e l a y ( h o l d the
ing, a n d climb we did.
IC.
the most
town),
campsite.
food
I've
we arrived
Surprisingly,
however,
which
it
made
my
m e f o r the fear
VERY
small
pieces
of
being
of metal, rope
o f us s a w t h e i r
D a y parade,
which
However,
a t t e m p t s a t h e l p i n g t o p u t a tent u p
of) s o m e o n e w h o w a s a b o u t twenty
o u r luck wasn't as g o o d that day,
m u c h less t h a n u s e f u l , b u t e v e n t u -
f o o t a b o v e m e . I w a s a f r a i d . Very
and
a l l y w e w e r e set u p a n d ,
though
a f r a i d . But I h a v e t o s a y t h a t g e t t i n g
(more
c o l d , w e w e r e still dry. F o r t h e m o s t
to the t o p (and s o m e o f the inter-
h a n d s , w h i c h I've N O W
w e actually than
Would Would
Probably.
it t o a n y o n e
e l s e ? D e f i n i t e l y . It gets y o u o u t o f
I would
certainly
I've h a d w h i l e a t
Contact Megan megan.bradley@ic.ac.uk.
h a d t w o injuries
the usual
I d o it a g a i n ?
I recommend
bleeding been told
Phoenix ANDY OFORI
c o m e r s a n d it h o p e d s o m e o f t h e
The original publication of Imperial
appearance.
more ethereal
C o l l e g e has returned for fhe m i l l e n nium.
The
P h o e n i x is t h e arts p u b l i c a -
a
unique
work
mammoth
Enthusiasm
required
to c o n t r i b u t e n e v e r f a i l t o i m p r e s s skillful
of both the
- Phoenix
opportunity
a n d emotive
amount
a n d all volunteers
come.
Each year those brave e n o u g h
their
a
involve
opportunity to
share their creative talents.
with
production
m a g a z i n e a n d t h e C D o r t a p e will
tion of Imperial C o l l e g e a n d affords students
styles w i l l m a k e a n
designing
of
are wel-
is a l ! that is a n
is
ideal
to get involved
in
a n d e d i t i n g . Its f u n d a -
pieces. O n e of the strengths of the
mental variety
a n n u a l is its f r e e a n d e c l e c t i c s t y l e ;
tion
submissions range from p o e m s an d
innovative ideas without constraint.
short stories t o w a t e r c o l o u r s a n d photos.
Phoenix
is i s s u e d
submit
their
creations
at a n y
s t a g e in t h e year, w h e n e v e r i n s p i r a -
h e s i t a t e t o g e t in c o n t a c t this t e r m
in o r d e r t o d e v e l o p a n
overall design.
m a g a z i n e , allowing b a n d s to s h o w c a s e t h e i r best s o n g s a n d p r o v i d i n g
T h e r e will a l s o b e a n a c c o m p a -
t h e m with v a l u a b l e r e c o r d i n g e x p e -
h o p i n g t o start c o l l e c t i n g w o r k f r o m
n y i n g C D o r t a p e r e l e a s e d with t h e
r i e n c e . O n c e a g a i n it is o p e n t o a l l -
hits. T h e e d i t o r i a l
advantage
or join t h e p r o d u c t i o n t e a m
team are
tion
allows the produc-
to take
of
If y o u w o u l d like t o c o n t r i b u t e
in t h e
s u m m e r term allowing contributors to
team
Contact Andy phoenix@ic.ac.uk.
don't
s
2
3
Outdoor Club STEVE J O L L Y
hol, for once) were Saturday
A "Wild Weekend promised,
expectations.
cooked was
After
a
breakfast,
attacked
Tryfan
from
Pudding
provided o n
by o u r C a t e r i n g Officers;
conse-
quently the night w a s punctuated
all
by t h e m o a n s ,
leisurely
up a n d a n unfeasibly
drive
and
in W a l e s " w a s
a n d exceeded
night
groans
a n d stum-
blings of over-indulged club m e m -
early
bers, a n d by t h e e x p l o s i v e
(915m)
of
all directions
Steve
supplying
sound
his fellow-
except u p . V a r i o u s f o g i e s l e d t h e sleepers with a g e n e r o u s way
with
some
Antoine
nifty a
giving
of
climbing,
chunder.
(Also
helping
at n o extra
charge.)
particularly
impressive demonstration of tech-
Sunday
s a wthe club's
nical skill by r o l l i n g a f a g i n h i g h
t i o n s shift t o t h e S n o w d o n
winds a t 3 0 0 0 feet. N a s t y
several
provided
w e t rocks
a n d bonus
a t n o extra
green
slime
while
preventing
amazing
weather
views
the
charge
some
distracting
while roped
Chasm
attention from the slippery rock. Snowdon
famous
wards),
the (allegedly) from
members
area;
strolled
round (back-
Horseshoe
others went off f o r scrambling.
Face sounded
The
interesting,
in fact w a s . After s o m e
and
w a s just a s w e t , b u t
atten-
cate
wet climbing, Andy
deli-
hauled
s o m e patient s c r a m b l i n g w a s well
himself u p to the belay to be c o n -
w o r t h it, a s o n c e a b o v e t h e c l o u d s
f r o n t e d w i t h t h e n e w s t h a t his n e x t
w a s a m a z i n g ; t h e knife
Remova
rumours
T h e trip h o m e w a s i n t e r r u p t e d
of o u r legendary
dings, come
pud-
along to one of our
task w a s t o s q u e e z e himself into a
by t h e t r a d i t i o n a l c l u b visit t o o u r
meetings:
7 p m every T h u r s d a y in
edg e of the h o r s e s h o e ridge stick-
large, dark (and doubtless
favourite
Southside
Upper
ing t h r o u g h the b l a n k e t o f f o g like
crack.
the v i e w
Unsurprisingly,
moist)
he d i d
transport caff:
Hollies -
s o w h e r e else c a n y o u o r d e r a b o w l
Lounge.
poetic. T h e
with relish a n d w a s further d e l i g h t -
of s o u p f o r free, o r g e t 3 s o s , 6 23/1 1/99) a t 8 : 3 0 p m
low level c l o u d w a s c o n c e n t r a t e d
ed t o b e c o n f r o n t e d with a n a w k -
b a c o n , fried e g g , fried b r e a d a n d
a r o u n d t h e m o u n t a i n s , a n d it w a s
ward
b e a n s ( n o t fried) f o r ÂŁ 2 . 7 0 ?
possible to see f o r miles.
up
something
As
randomly
per normal,
incredible
quantities of t o p f o o d (and a l c o -
chimney to wriggle
in order to escape.
his w a y The day
of c o m i n g w a l k i n g , c l i m b i n g a n d
club
scrambling,
activity:
Extreme
Vomit
o r are enticed
(Tuesday on BBC2.
(Yes, r e a l l y . . . )
Contact Fred f.maquet@ic.ac.uk.
If y o u ' r e a t t r a c t e d b y t h e i d e a
also s a w the introduction of a new
O r see
us d r i n k s o u p t o m o r r o w
by
ICLJ
Conmjriity
ACTION Group U
Amnesty International A m n e s t y I n t e r n a t i o n a l U K ( A I U K ) is
speakers
one o f the largest charities in the
h u m a n rights r e l a t e d t o p i c s ; every
world
y e a r w e run events with the other
working
world-wide f o r
student g r o u p s a r o u n d the U K . W e a l s o have U r g e n t A c t i o n , in w h i c h
is v e r y
wide
- every
AIUK
has campaigns
areas
like
'Women
in
year many
we
in d e t e n -
more
information,
s ite,
trial
by e - m a i l i n g
please
If y o u a r e t h e s o r t o f p e r -
web-
s o n w h o l i k e s t o g o protestng outside the Houses
Interna
of
tional at Imperial C o l l e g e is o n e o f a f e w h u n d r e d student
The
a i m of
society
e
is t o
sort
our
the
,
C o n t a c t N a d a a t iccag@ic.ac.uk
human
the
situation
countries,
g e t first h a n d
the
about
every
term
inside stories inhumane
w e in v ite
the
right
society
of person
world
a r o u n d t h e w o r l d . Every w e e k w e
AIUK
not be
who
from
actions;
number of
a n d analysing
situation then
right c h o i c e .
in
to join us.
different
w e a r e certainly A n d student o r
staff, y o u a r e m o r e t h a n
is
in leani-
ng more abou t the
make
rights
then
might
nterested
m o r e students a w a r e of
e
Parliament we
f o r y o u . If y o u a r e
Amnesty
g r o u p s in the U K .
o
o r letter
writing.
www.amnesty.org.uk Amnesty
immediately to
respond
stop a n y torture a n d unfair
penalty a n d
visit t h e o f f i c i a l A I U K
y t
about
work
p o l i c e brutality in t h e U S . F o r
S
us talks
h u m a n r i g h t s . T h e b o u n d a r y o f its
tion', thedeath
p
t o give
welcome
4
t
x
IC Firsts demolish Wye Netball IC I
lots
b u t still m a n a g e d
Wye I
less
attempts t o get t h e m in. H o w e v e r ,
point she k n o c k e d t h e ball o u t of
the p r e s e n c e o f a k e e p e r m a r k i n g
Dorothy's
H a v i n g s l a u g h t e r e d W y e last y e a r
her (when s h e t u r n e d up) c a u s e d
c a m e s o m e extremely close
70-1, we travelled
t h e b a l l t o z i p t h r o u g h t h e net first
ing
administer their a n n u a l thrashing.
time from all angles.
Wye
D u e t o o u r lat e a f t e r n o o n
arrival
with Shirley, o u r o t h e r shooter, a
be 3 feet a w a y f r o m the o p p o s i n g
nearing
(it t a k e s t w o a n d a h a l f h o u r s t o
flood of goals completely deluged
players?
c a t c h i n g t h e b a l l a t first p r o v e d d i f -
get
an overwhelmed W y e side.
there)
u p t o Kent t o
o u r match
reduced from
time w a s
to take 2 o r 3
Combining
At the defensive e n d there
1 hour to 4 0 min-
was
was
so enthusiastic
that
at o n e
60
LSE III
10
h a n d s . A l l o f us o v e r -
during the match
mark-
- D i d the
players k n o w that they h a d t o
the
IC II
The IC Seconds
m a d e their s p e c -
t a c u l a r d e b u t with a b l i n d i n g v i c t o ry a g a i n s t L S E III. W i t h the w e a t h e r Antarctic
temperatures,
In t h e e n d , w e w e r e p l a y i n g i n
ficult.
dark
b e g a n to thaw out once our goals
with
Shirley
completely
however,
we
utes t o try a n d a v o i d
p l a y i n g in
little f o r K i r s t i e a n d R a c h e l t o d o -
disappearing
darkness.
last
we'll o v e r l o o k that o n e
g r o u n d of c o n i f e r h e d g e s a t the IC
an d Sara proved to be our unbeat-
e n d of the court. A l l y o u c o u l d s e e
able
was
b e i n g s c o r e d i n t h e last 1 5 m i n -
This
meant
year's
s c o r i n g rate o f a g o a l p e r m i n u t e
goal!
was
didn't w e ? "
repeated,
aided
by t h e fact
" W e h a d t o let h a v e o n e
that they w e r e a p l a y e r short f o r
up;
t h e first 1 0 m i n u t e s .
snuffed
In l a c k i n g a k e e p e r , S a r a h , o u r shooter,
h a d free
shots
o n goal
conceded
- The attack
Dorothy,
Paula
a n d Jane
o u t a n y attempt
offensive
play
cleaned
before
a
d u e to the back-
Fortunately,
white
T-shirt
leaping
around.
at W y e
started
rolling
deadly
i n . Shooters
d u o , with
Jess
2 0 goals
utes.
Bad
luck W y e , w e h o p e
it
could
the
r e a c h t h e I C c i r c l e . In f a c t ,
Paula
a n n u a l fixture.
merger
doesn't
that
disrupt o u r
Fantastic
play
by the w h o l e
t e a m a n d a c o n f i d e n t start t o t h e forthcoming season.
Volleyball in undefeated season MEN
subs a r e a l l o w e d , for the f o o t b a l l
p o t e n t i a l , b u t b e i n g t h e first f i x t u r e
came
fans out there). S o , Erwan s t e p p e d
of t h e y e a r t h e r e w a s s o m e
u n s t o p p a b l e , s p i k i n g every single
nerv-
i n t h e last
set a n d
was
period
in a n d t o o k t h e r i s k . H e d i d a b r i l -
o u s n e s s i n t h e air. I C s t a r t e d o u t i n
ball. A n d for M a r i a J o who
s a v o u r i n g last y e a r ' s f a n t a s t i c p e r -
liant j o b , m a n a g i n g to i m p r o v e a s
full strength a n d with s o m e
s m a l l share o f the a c t i o n but never
formance
t h e g a m e w e n t o n . But i n t h e e n d ,
setting
another
(unfortunately in her o n i y
After
a
long
summer
(BUSA
national
final),
t h e t i m e h a s c o m e f o r I C t o start it
solid
performance
from
by M a g a l i
a n d Vasso
all o v e r a g a i n . A n d w h a t a d a u n t -
o u r boys, u n d e r the brilliant c a p -
ance
ing task in front o f us - f r o m t h e
taincy
pulled a n important and
formidable
team
year,
m e a n t that a n o t h e r L o n d o n o p p o -
everybody's
g o n e ! S o w e just g e t
nent h a d s u c c u m b e d to IC power.
o f last
a n o t h e r b u n c h o f very g o o d ers. W i t h t h e u s u a l
of Beat
play-
WOMEN
France and Greece),
it s e e m s t h a t
Contrary
to their
male
counter-
the team
MIXED
moralis-
IC
Q M W 1-3 IC The
lot of tension
that's f o r sure.
Germany,
s t o p p e d s u p p o r t i n g the t e a m .
appear-
• A
got a
LSE.
1-3
KCL
wide-ranging
Switzerland,
of the season)
ing win over
•
c o l l e c t i o n o f f o r e i g n i m p o r t s (from Taiwan,
( a k a Terminator),
solid
in t h e
plays
in t h e
were
H a v i n g w o n it t w o y e a r s a g o a n d
d e t e r m i n e d t o fight f o r their lives.
f i n i s h e d r u n n e r s - u p last y e a r , o u r
IC
r e p u t a t i o n is h i g h . First m a t c h w a s
started
Both teams
mixed team
a i r , First D i v i s i o n o f t h e U L U l e a g u e .
b a d - three
players
we have o n c e a g a i n m a n a g e d to
parts, over the past few years, t h e
arrived late, thus the w a r m - u p
put t o g e t h e r
w o m e n ' s t e a m h a s not p e r f o r m e d
i n i t i a l l i n e - u p w a s n o t i d e a l . It w a s
at the h i g h e s t l e v e l . H o w e v e r ,
this
a
year
We
g r a b b e d it b y t h e s m a l l e s t o f m a r -
but
gins, 2 5 - 2 3 .
g a m e started well a n d w e c l i n c h e d
a great
team.
Let's
see....
•
IC
3-0
things
have
KCL
have
changed!
a n outstanding
group
of
nail-biting
first
and
set a n d
away at Q u e e n M a r y ' s . A s usual, a lot of uncertainty w a s in t h e a i r
K C L due to the lack of team training,
F o r the second set,
confidence
w a s high. The
changes were introduced a n d the
the
son w e played King's C o l l e g e . Big
at levels that o n e e x p e c t s t o s e e
late
Beat, the stand-in c o a c h , w a s in a
rivalry b e t w e e n the t w o t e a m s , b u t
only at the B U S A n a t i o n a l s . A l l 9
superbly
girls
e a s i l y . A t this t i m e w e t h o u g h K C L
In o u r first f i x t u r e o f t h e s e a -
in t h e e n d a c o m f o r t a b l e
victory
players w h o a r e p l a y i n g the
in the team
(coming
game
from
f o r I C . T h e y just c o u l d n o t h a n d l e
France,
it. T o t a l s u p e r i o r i t y .
a n d Malays ia ) are simply top class players.
•
IC
3-0 Q M W
A g a i n I C just w a l k e d a l l o v e r
U S A ,Switzerland,
Unfortunately,
three
o u r players will l e a v e after
Xmas easy.
t h i n g s iess
Meanwhile
at t h e start t h o u g h
destroy London opposition.
John, match
could
not make
of
w h i c h will m a k e
the o p p o n e n t s . T h e r e w a s a f r i g h t - o u r setter,
Spain
we'!! g o
on and
that
•
LSE
0-3
F o r t h e first m a t c h o f t h e s e a -
t a n t p o s i t i o n ( a bit l i k e w h e n g o a l -
s o n , t h e girls f a c e d LSE. T h e f e e l ing w a s that o u r t e a m
h a d great
i n . IC
a n d clinched
played
this o n e
would have realised we were the better t e a m
a n d would
let it g o ,
but they d u g in a n d f o u g h t h a r d . Another out
nail-bitter, b u t IC c a m e
o n t o p , this t i m e
by 2 6 - 2 4 .
T h e last set w a s a m e r e f o r m a l i t y . IC w a s n o w in full s w i n g , p l a y i n g
match
IC
had ever played in such a n i m p o r -
keepers get injured a n d n o m or e
went
spectacularly
it t o t h e
a n d we h a d no-one
arrivals
in c o n v i n c i n g
special stayed
a n d closed
mention
the
fashion.
A
to Anisah w h o
o n t h e b e n c h f o r the vast
majority
of the game,
but then
first
t w o sets
comfortably.
social m o o d , giving everybody a n equal
chance
of playing.
This
m e a n t the t e a m w a s c h a n g i n g a l l the time a n d eventually t h e price w a s t h e l o s s o f a set. T h e o p p o nents'
captain
was mesmerised
with t h e play o f o u r girls a n d at the e n d o f m a t c h where
kept o n a s k i n g
h a dwe found them.
They
were impressive indeed! Especially S a r a h ,
the captain, w h o did a
magnificent job as a m i d d l e player, b l o c k i n g e v e r y t h i n g t h e y a t her.
threw
5
t
2
Seconds hit top gear
ICSM edge medic derby
Football IC II QMW
II
ICSM Hockey
4
ish w a s E n i o l a w i t h a s c r e a m e r o f
ICSM I
3
centre-spot, a n d h e f i n i s h e d with
0
a shot f r o m the e d g e of the b o x .
RHUL I
2
a p l o m b . W i t h half time a p p r o a c h i n g t h e g a m e s e e m e d set f o r H o l -
M o r e fluid attacking moves led to Yet a n o t h e r l o n g j o u r n e y t o C h i s l e hurst a n d y e t a n o t h e r
emphatic
a through ball for Brad, which he
T h e first h a l f s a w t h e M e d i c s
clinically finished. J o e a n d M a g i c
their best h o c k e y
of the s e a s o n .
victory f o r the mightyforces o f the
used
However,
despite
I C II.
J o u l e s ' m a g i c a l balls led to W a r -
open
of the I C S M
ren t a k i n g t h e ball d o w n
the wings
superbly a n d
play
play
the fantastic midfield
loway
to be massacred,
freak g o a l
but a
o n t h e s t r o k e o f half-
time p r e v e n t e d that. S a n j a y
made
a break into t h e D a n d melted a
a n d attack, the d e a d l o c k w a s bro-
fantastic
shot
h a l f t h e s c o r e w a s 0-0. T h e g e r i -
t h i g h in the b o x a n d f i n i s h i n g with
k e n a f t e r 2 0 m i n u t e s b y a s l i c k set
However,
the rebound
atric referee m a n a g e d t o give a n
h i s left f o o t . By t h i s t i m e I C w e r e
p i e c e . A p a c y m o v e b y Reilly w a s
fortuitous
save
k i c k i n s i d e t h e b o x in c o m p l e t e c o n t r o l , t h e d e f e n c e
terminated illegally, a n d f r o m the
H o l l o w a y d e f e n d e r w h o belted the
a n d Ricky in g o a l w e r e o u t s t a n d -
ensuing short-corner Fishpool fin-
ball
ing.
the e n d there w a s
ished from
tion. However, the clearance
time for Brad to scram bl e a g o a l .
the keeper.
After a bit of a s c r a p p y
indirect free after
Brad
was brought
first
down.
Then when D a v e w a s cruelly cut u p a n d i n j u r e d by a v i c i o u s Q M W
Before
However,
hit b a c k
Holloway
A
t e a m h a d a bit o f a b a r n e y a t half
b o y s , let's b o o s t t h e next r o u n d o f
tration l a p s e d , allowing
BUSA.
t o w i n t h e i r first s h o r t - c o r n e r o f t h e
- come
on
immediately. T h eMedic s
a n d loads
of
chances
the keeper.
found
from the a
in defensive
panicky
desperatrav-
sition
centre-forward, w h o found
h i m s e l f bereft o f S an jay , his m a r k H e finished
er.
marooned
easily
past the
Petter.
The s e c o n d half s a w H o l l o w a y emerge
with
more
ly p l a y i n g s o w e l l o n t h e left a n d
intent.
O h dear. C h a n c e s o f E n g l a n d
r i g h t f l a n k s r e s p e c t i v e l y , it w a s o n l y
ball in a d e a d p o s i t i o n by the b y -
Euro 2 0 0 0 ? N o t a lot.
s t a r t e d t o a p p e a r . T h e first t o f i n -
receiving the
ICSM
line, e l u d e d three defenders Kanu-
retook the l e a d . This time a break
esquely, b e f o r e f i n d i n g Keysell in
by K e y s e l l f o u n d M e y e r f r e e o n t h e
space to score the winning g o a l .
a
g e t t i n g p a s t t h e first r o u n d o f
But Meyer,
rumbustious
England 0 - Scotland 1
The s e c o n d half w a s a trans-
break,
Holloway
But w i t h b o t h K e y s e l l a n d R e i l -
Random scorebox
go.
- IC w e r e fast o n t h e
concen-
m a t c h . It w a s d u l y d i s p a t c h e d .
out f o r the s e c o n d half raring t o
formation
clear
into
e l l e d a full 8 0 y a r d s to the o p p o -
formance
II
per-
nutmegging
duce an y c a r d . Th e frustrated IC
by I C
half
6 yards,
player, t h e referee f a i l e d t o p r o -
time t o c l e a r t h e a i r a n d c a m e
brilliant s e c o n d
o n his
matter
of time
before
IN BRIEF Cross Country Imperial
College
Cross
Squash Country
C l u b are pleased to a n n o u n c e the engagement
of Daisy
Boy
I C II
4
I C VII
5
i c II
o
LSE II
1
S O P II
1
U C L II
1
and
Sticky S a r a h . T h e y c e l e b r a t e d t h e i r
After
a n n o u n c e m e n t with 2 1 st a n d 2 8 t h
league
place
team
a n d w e wish t h e m
all the
best f o r t h e f u t u r e . D o n ' t ask why, but the race at Wimbledon home
Common
was
Hockey
Football
our
losing
previous tw o
A f t e r a r u n o f r a t h e r p o o r results,
A terrible p e r f o r m a n c e o n a worse
t h e IC s e c o n d
IC VII w e r e d e t e r m i n e d t o r a c k u p
pitch s a w the mighty s e c o n d s lose.
their
matches
a g o o d s c o r e a g a i n s t S O P II. A f t e r
But
p r e s s u r e t o g o t o LSE a n d b r i n g
a stirring t e a m talk by t h e g u v n a r ,
w e r e n o t c o n c e r n e d a n d w e ' r e still
IC s t art e d v e r y s t r o n g l y a n d m a n -
o n o u r mighty m i s s i o n t o victory -
a g e d t o trip o v e r his b o o t l a c e s a n d
it's just this w a s a bit o f a h i c c u p .
back
itself
under
a result w h i c h
wouid
keep
their B U S A C u p c a m p a i g n alive.
match a n d so we h a dthe
First u p t o p l a y w e r e Paui ( o n
privilege of starting the r a c e , with
his d e b u t )
a n d Eric. P a u l
U C L stuck in traffic.
his a c c o u n t
opened
fall into the net h o l d i n g t h e b a l l ! W e created c h a n c e after
chance,
f o r t h e 2 n d s with a
with c a p t a i n J a m i l rattlin g t h e p o s t
having
w o n the league w e
intense
found
W i t h o u r star p l a y e r B r u c e L e e confined to the g o a l
because of
the a b s e n c e o f t h e m o u n t a i n that
highly impressive 3-0 victory a n d
with a s n a p s h o t , b u t w e still f i n -
is E . H o n d a , w e w e r e a l w a y s g o i n g
usual f o r
g a v e t h e t e a m a c r u c i a l h e a d start.
i s h e d t h e first h a l f o n l y 2 - 0 u p .
to
Dorchie, winning her second suc-
Whilst o n the o t h e r court Eric, w h o
The race w a s c o l d . Very c o l d . It
w a s business
as
cessive race, a n d Louise, b a c k in
held
the t o p t e n .
t h r o u g h a nail biting finish,
S t a n - R o n left his s e c r e t l o v e r a t home was
a n d w a s 4 t h . XXX-Gaffer 7th a n d the veteran
of the
aged
his
nerve
to secure
magnificently man-
a 3-2 v i c t o r y t o
SOP
II c a m e b a c k s t r o n g l y in
h a v e b e e n d e s t r o y e d by t h e m i g h t y
of c h a n c e s ,
s e c o n d s , but w e d i d thrash
b u t IC kept
half
come-shot,
Chris
scored
Steve battled h a r d but w a s u n a b l e
well t o m a k e
Frank, Stereo D a n a n d Daisy B o y
managed
c l o s e d t h e first t e a m i n 1 9 t h , 2 0 t h
m a t c h t h a t l a s t e d just u n d e r s e v e n -
scramble.
a n d 2 1 st.
teen
w a s next
home
in
12th.
A n g u s "I d i d n ' t g o t o L a S c a n dale
last
night"
places to 55th.
improved
Well
done.
48 That
w o u l d h a v e t a k e n m o s t o f us i n t o negative positions!
minutes.
Nonetheless,
LSE's
recovery p r o v e d short lived a s Jeffrey p r o m p t l y w o n t h e next m a t c h in t h r e e s t r a i g h t g a m e s , c o n f i r m i n g v i c t o r y f o r I C a n d m a k i n g f h e last r e m a i n i n g m a t c h a formality.
with
a
and Mark
t o a v o i d c o m p l e t e h u m i l i a t i o n in a
race
pushing
f o r w a r d , a n d mid-way t h r o u g h the
e x t e n d o u r l e a d e v e n further. T h e loss.
poor
the 2 n d h a l f a n d c r e a t e d a c o u p l e
team
t h e n s u f f e r e d it's o n l y
suffer. T h e result w a s a
attempt to beat a t e a m that s h o u l d
cross-
finished
them
last t i m e . A n d b y t h e w a y d i d w e m e n t i o n that the
we've
already w o n
league?
it 4 - 0 . S O P f i n a l l y
t o p u t o n e in o n t h e T h e final
goal was
s c o r e d b y s u b s t i t u t e Pete
Cheung
W e ' l l try t h a t a g a i n s h a l l w e . T h i s w e e k , Felix r e a l l y W I L L b e at H a H i n g t o n , s o w a t c h o u t !
from close range. G o a l i e X a u did
Sorry f o r everything that didn't
not have m u c h t o d o but w a s out-
get i n ( e s p e c i a l l y f e n c i n g , w h o I
s t a n d i n g w h e n c a l l e d o n . S o a first
keep forgetting about), but
w i n a n d h o p e f u l l y first o f m a n y f o r
there w a s n o r o o m !
I C VII.
6
x
t
SCOREBOARD
Ladies handbag UCL
FOOTBALL
Women's Football . 3
IC L a d i e s
tent. T i n a s h o w e d her
2
UCL
debut
e x c e l l e n t skill i n
performance.
H e r long
b a l l f o u n d Jazz y Jeff w h o d o d g e d
ly t u r n e d into s c r a p p y passing,
hopeful
Southampton
Wimbledon
style
don't
the b e m u s e d d e f e n c e a n d h e r flashy
Newcastle would be proud to exhib-
cross f o u n d the b o o t of the talented
it. A c o u p l e
w e p l a y a g a i n s t . A n d they c a n p l a y
C l a r k Kent. It w a s 1 -0 t o us.
tions later, a n d the b a l l o n c e
f o o t b a l l (apparently ) s i n c e they
beat
I C w e r e s h a r p in i n t e r c e p t i n g the
4 - 0
Q M W
I C 7 t h XI
5-1
SOP
FOOTBALL
(Womens)
I C XI
3 - 2
UCL
l o n g b a l l s , a n d the sort o f f i n i s h i n g
look as m a l e as most of the p e o p l e
U C L a r e a f u n n y s i d e - they
(Mens)
I C 2 n d XI
o f (tactical?)
substitumore
HOCKEY
(Mens)
I C 2 n d XI ICSM
0-1 3 -2
UCL RHUL
f o u n d it's w a y into t h e U C L half -
us 9 - 0 in t h e l e a g u e a w e e k a g o .
wild U C L passes a n d were quick o n
over a n d over a g a i n . Images of the
But t h e I C spirit r e i g n e d s u p r e m e -
the a t t a c k . A flick f r o m T h e M a y o r
first half (bails flying at u s , b u t n o t
I C 1st VII
lots - less W y e
it's the W e d n e s d a y f e e l i n g o f n o l e c -
l a n d e d in K e n t ' s w a y , w h o w e n t o n
b e i n g able to put them away) haunt-
I C 2 n d VII
6 0 - 1 0 LSE
tures, stuff t h e c o u r s e w o r k , p l a y t h e
to
e d us e a c h t i m e t h e b a l l flew into
cruise
past
UCL's
defence a n d
their p e n a l t y
area.
Spurred
o n by
NETBALL
R U G B Y (Mens)
g a m e a n d hit t h e b a r (not t h e w o o d -
s m a s h o n e past the helpless g o a l i e .
w o r k ) . It's i n B U S A that w e ' r e i n v i n -
O u r 2-0 lead relaxed o u r t e a m ,
c i b l e . A n o t h e r m a t c h , a n o t h e r result,
but half-time w a s a l o n g t i m e c o m -
Kent t u r n e d o n a d e f e n d e r a n d t h e
I C 2 n d XI
another
i n g (it u s u a l l y is unfortunately). T h e
pressure w a s t o o m u c h . T h e U C L
I C 3 r d XI
break
p l a y e r o b v i o u s l y w a n t e d t o b e o n the
3 points
well
earned
(if
slightly o n t h e f o r t u n a t e side).
w a s used
well
by U C L t o
Mae
and Hard
Kaur's
persistence,
r e c o v e r a n d think tactics. This w a s
w i n n i n g side a n d a i d e d in t h e 3-2
Shady Ladies resulted in early g o a l s .
shortly f o l l o w e d by a n o t h e r ,
debat-
victor/. A n o w n g o a l , a m i r a c l e , a n d
Hedge,
were
a b l e , g o a l - definitely o f f s i d e (we're
the s w e e t s o u n d o f the full-time w h i s tle h a s n e v e r b e e n s o a p p r e c i a t e d .
A n impressive o p e n i n g f r o m the
Vasso
a n d Frenchie
(much t o their d i s a p -
t h i n k i n g pitch l e n g t h here) but t h e ref
pointment) in d e f e n c e a n d f e d m i d -
w a s t o o busy l o o k i n g at D u m b a n d
G'n'T, once
a g a i n , saved
the d a y
fielders Tart,
D u m b e r ' s legs to notice. W h a t h a d
with
saves.
just t o o
b e e n a n e n t e r t a i n i n g first half q u i c k -
good.
impenetrable
Louise a n d Girlfriend
with g r e a t b a l l s t o t h e i r hearts
con-
superb
She's
I C 1 st XI
4 3 - 5 UEA 1 7 - 1 0 UEA
SQUASH IC 2 n d
4-1
LSE
Imperial find window to victory Rugby - Sponsored by U E A II
10
d e a d l o c k with a try in the c o r n e r . A t
43
IC II
17
this p o i n t t h e o p p o s i t i o n b e g a n t o
a n d rain w e
After
University of East A n g l i a I
5
IC I
wise Unfazed
by t h e w i n d
a
sadistically
early
start in
found when w e arrived, w e w a r m e d
South
u p in t h e c h a n g i n g r o o m . This w a s a
l a n d o f n o electricity, h e a t i n g o r s u n
K e n s i n g t o n w e -arrived
in a
u p a n d despite
continuous
h a m m e r i n g f r o m t h e likes o f M a t t , Mo
a n d Rick, p l a y s t a g n a t e d
until
early in t h e s e c o n d half. T h e fresh
must w i n g a m e a n d the boys c a m e
shine. W e were quickly c h a n g e d a n d
p a i r o f legs s e c u r e l y a t t a c h e d t o T i m
out really fired u p . T h e f o r w a r d s i n
raring
"hello boys"
Denyer
particular
w e a t h e r set in . . . b u t in t h e true s p i r -
way
t h e line b r i n g i n g t h e
it o f I C R u g b y w e b r a v e d t h e sleet
score up to 1 0 - 0 . Spurred
a n d hail.
s e c o n d s r a l l i e d a n d c a m e b a c k with
Charlie
h a d a great Cunwell
game
and Jon
with Bound
l e a d i n g the c h a r g e . A f t e r s o m e g r e a t r u c k i n g D u n e Rainey
c r o s s e d in t h e
to g o . That
w a s until t h e
A l t h o u g h the weather
w a s still
the
towards
taste
for blood,
charged
their
o n , the
beating the
c o r n e r f o r the first try. W e g o t lazy
bitterly c o l d a t kick-off, t h e t r o o p s
d e f e n c e into s u b m i s s i o n a n d l e a d i n g
early o n a n d they s c o r e d a dull try.
were fired u p a n d read to g o . T h e
to yet a n o t h e r try f o r the L o n d o n e r s
This s p u r r e d the boys into a c t i o n a n d
first q u a r t e r w a s h i g h l y
f r o m J i m , easily c o n v e r t e d by Tez.
uneventful,
a try f r o m D a v e G a y a n d t w o f r o m
with t h e c o n d i t i o n s h a m p e r i n g t h e
J a m e s Philip c o n d e m n e d U E A t o the
efforts
s h a r k tank. W e hot-wired their t r a c -
t h r o u g h t h e first half t h e I C b r i l l i a n c e
lads
tors, f o i l e d the c u n n i n g f e m a l e a s s a s -
b e g a n t o s h i n e t h r o u g h a n d , after a
push through
of both
sins a n d s h o w e d t h e m o u r g o l d e n -
beautiful
eye.
shimmy
sides,
passage by N i c k
but midway
o f play, a q u i c k P a r ke r
broke the
IC s e e m e d u n t o u c h a b l e , but i n
SORRY - N O OTHER RESULTS AVAILABLE DUE TO TECHNICAL PROBLEMS BEYOND
the f i n a l m i n u t e s o f t h e g a m e t h e from
Norwich twice
managed
to
a n d score o n
b o t h o c c a s i o n s , b u t it w a s a c a s e o f t o o little t o o late.
OUR CONTROL