Vol. 2 Issue 9 by The Runner

NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

WORK AT THE OLYMPICS P 04

BLOWING SHIT UP P 06

SWOLLEN MEMBERS INTERVIEW P 11

STARS WARS GALORE P 12

VOL. 2 ISSUE 09 | NOVEMBER 24, 2009

NEWS & POLITICS

page two | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS - WHAT’S HAPPENING ACROSS CANADA

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

Royal visit aimed to reconnect Canadians with monarchy [EMMA GODMERE] [CUP OTTAWA BUREAU CHIEF]

OTTAWA (CUP) – Canadians were given some royal treatment as Prince Charles and his wife Camilla, the Duchess of Cornwall, wrapped up an 11-day, four-province tour of Canada this week. The royal couple visited 12 cities and communities across Newfoundland, British Columbia, Ontario, and Quebec and even included a few university stops on their tour: the prince visited Memorial University in St. John’s, Nfld., where he toured their Marine Institute, and Simon Fraser University in Burnaby, B.C., where he participated in a seminar on sustainable urban business. “We hope our visit will be a real celebration of the vibrant diversity which defines modern Canada, from her ancient traditions to the world-class brilliance of her contemporary culture,” read a statement from the prince on the government’s official royal visit website. Days before the royal couple touched down in Canada, CBC published results from a Navigator survey conducted in August that suggested a majority of Canadians were disillusioned with the Prince of Wales. According to the Toronto-based communication firm’s findings, 60 per cent

believe that the monarchy is outdated. Eugene Berezovsky, media spokesperson for the Monarchist League of Canada, suggested that the apparent Canadian apathy is largely derived from the fact that members of the

COURTESY OF CUP

royal family – Prince Charles in particular – have not taken the opportunity to visit the country in several years. “Prince Charles had been long out of the country, and exposure and popularity tend to go hand-in-hand,” he noted. “People have forgotten about him, and the thing is his life [has] changed so dramatically, his sons having grown up, his personal life much more subtle . . . and so he’s different from the image Canadians remember him [by]. This was Prince Charles’s first

visit to Canada since 2001, and Camilla’s first ever visit to the country. The royal couple encountered some resistance during the Quebec portion of the trip. In Montreal, a crowd of over 100 Quebec nationalists carried signs, chanted slogans, and at one point even threw eggs, opposing the visit. Three demonstrators were arrested and later released, having only been charged with blocking traffic. “I fear there was a little local disturbance,” the prince remarked in his speech to the Black Watch (Royal Highland Regiment) of Canada, at their headquarters in Montreal. Despite the conflicted reception in Montreal, Berezovksy felt the rest of the trip went “overwhelmingly well.” The couple’s travels wrapped up in Ottawa, where they took part in the capital’s Remembrance Day ceremonies at the National War Memorial on Nov. 11. Thousands gathered to watch motorcades deliver Prime Minister Stephen Harper and his wife and children, Gov. Gen. Michaëlle Jean and her husband and daughter, and finally the royal couple to the monument, shortly before 11 a.m. Crowds lined the streets past several blocks in the downtown core, and offered generous applause upon the dignitaries’ arrival.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

NOV

WHERE: Surrey Campus Conference Centre G1205 WHEN: 12:00PM - 2:00PM WHAT: Come out and learn what it takes to beome a lawyer. Panelists members from UBC, UVic, a practicing lawyer, and faculty members will speak about the law school admissions process, obtaining a legal education, and the practice of law. Admission is Free.

NOV

KSA Presents: Langley’s Movie Marathon 2 WHERE: Langley Campus - KSA Office WHEN: TBA WHAT: Come out and watch movies. At school. Attack of the Sequels edition.

NOV

CUP CARTOON - KIDNEY CURRENCY

Law School Forum - Becoming a Lawyer

Music @ Midweek WHERE: Langley campus - Auditorium WHEN: 12:15pm - 1:00pm WHAT: Come out and listen to Kwantlen’s Woodwind Ensemble.

NOV

KSA Executive Council Meeting WHERE: Surrey Campus - KSA Office WHEN: 2:00pm

MEL FRIESEN/ THE NEXUS

WHAT: Come and hear what the KSA has been up to and have your opinions heard. Open to all students, staff, and faculty!

BUSINESS

Cracks in the glass ceiling [KIRSTEN GORUK THE GATEWAY]

EDMONTON (CUP) – An annual survey filled out by University of Alberta business graduates has revealed an unexpected shift in salaries – with female employees exceeding their male counterparts. The voluntary online survey is sent out every August to the school’s bachelor of commerce graduates of the past year. Dale McNeely, director of business career services at U of A, said that this is the first year that the survey found women earned a greater average salary than men. “It’s always been the other way around, but it’s varied between significant to not very significant,” said McNeely. The information gathered by the survey each year is used to paint a better picture of how the students fare upon entering the

working world. Despite the change in this year’s results, with women earning an average of $43,077 per year compared to men at $41,214, the survey is only a glimpse at one year of graduates. As such, McNeely is hesitant to speculate about the reasons for what could become a trend in salary gaps. “[We need] to look at this over the long term. Is there a levelling of the playing field? That’s certainly what we’re hoping for . . . The degree that we’re providing the students here – the training, the academics, the work experience – is really creating equal opportunities for whoever enters the school of business,” he said. Of the 603 graduates who were contacted, the faculty received 325 responses, or about 54 per cent. The ratio of male to

female respondents was close, sitting at 56 per cent and 44 per cent, respectively. Despite the precarious nature of the economy, McNeely said that the majority of the results were consistent with previous years. Although salaries in general for both genders have seen a slight dip, the U of A graduates were found to be employed by a range of businesses, in everything from multinational corporations to smaller independent businesses. As for the current female population at U of A’s school of business, McNeely said that he believes that without putting too much stock in the numbers, the news is still good. “It’s got to give them confidence for the future, that [women] are going to be perceived in the business world as an equal commodity to everyone else.”

NOV

Lecture: Interview Skills & Preparation Workshop WHERE: Richmond Campus, Room 3450 WHEN: 4:00pm - 6:00pm WHAT: Want to stand out from your job seeking competition? Learn interviewing skills, how to create a positive impression and the best way to prepare for an interview. Register online at: www.kwantlen.ca/careers

NOV

Senate Meeting WHERE: Surrey Campus - G-Building -Board Room WHEN: 4:00pm - 7:00pm WHAT: Sit in on Kwantlen’s Senate meeting and hear about decisions that affect your student career.

NEWS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page three

LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE

2010 Student Leadership Conference: Get your lead on

COURTESY OF STUDENT LIFE AND DEVELOPMENT Peter Legge, CEO of Canada Wide Media shared his view of leadership at the 2008 Student Leadership Conference.

[ADAM VINCENT] [CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF]

Kwantlen is once again putting on its Student Leadership Conference lead by the department of Student Life and Development. This year’s theme is “Unleash your Potential” and will take place on Saturday, Jan 23, 2010, from 9:00 a.m.-5:00 p.m. at the Surrey campus conference centre. The 2008 conference was a success that saw dozens of stu-

IN BRIEF

International week at Kwantlen

dents partaking in workshops which, spanned across all areas of leadership in the sectors of business, non-profit, politics, public relations and event planning, among other areas. There were also keynote addresses by Peter Legee, award winning motivation and business speaker, as well as Dr. David Atkinson, President and Vice-Chancellor of Kwantlen Polytechnic University (then Kwantlen University College). The 2010 conference will have

workshops that focus on topics including, but not limited to, expanding your public speaking skills, balancing life and work, and turning dreams into reality. The workshops are lead by industry professionals and experts who will guide groups of students toward success. Moreover, the conference will have keynote speakers. Keynote speakers for the 2010 Student Leadership Conference are Rick Bains, a well known motivational speaker, who will

discuss “Leading from Within,” and Kwantlen’s own President and Vice-Chancellor, Dr. David Atkinson, will lead a keynote address entitled “What does it mean ‘To Lead’?” The Runner recently discussed the up-coming conference with Kurt Penner, Coordinator of Student Life and Co-Chair of the 2010 Leadership Conference to ask him what students should expect from the conference. When asked what the most important thing students will get from this conference, Penner said, “Students should expect to get two great things -- a leadership skills upgrade and some inspiration for their future! Based on student feedback from last year’s conference, we have confidence that students who attend will get a lot out of the combination of keynote speakers, various seminars and networking with other student leaders. The theme this year is “Unleash your potential,” and that idea is really two-pronged, related both to personal success and community/global contribution.” He added, “We know employers really value leadership contributions; this conference adds to students’ marketability via skills and improved resumes.” We asked if there is a particular type student that would benefit from this conference

To purchase tickets and find out more information go to www.kwantlen.ca/leadership

GLOBAL ISSUES

Kosovo holds Municipal Elections [PINDER MANDAIR ]

[JARED VAILLANCOURT ]

For the very first time last week, Kwantlen participated in ‘International Education Week,’ a program aimed at promoting global citizenship. Celebrated in over 85 countries around the globe, the week, running from November 16th to 20th, allowed students to be exposed to the concept of international education while learning about the local impact of exchange programs right here at home. “We hope to make this a big thing every year,” says Andrea Reynolds, administrator of international education at Kwantlen. Reynolds, wearing a traditional Austrian Dirndl, participated in the Monday events that kicked off the week with an impressive and fun salsa lesson. Many other events were held over the course of the week, including the club exposition on Monday, featuring representatives of groups such as the Sikh Student Association, the Taste of Asia luncheon on Tuesday, numerous exchange information sessions at both the Langley and Surrey campuses on Wednesday, the showing of the French movie Amelie on Thursday and closing with a brief Connect With Kwantlen meeting on Friday.

i.e. business students, senior students, alumni, and if alumni are welcome to enroll in this conference. Penner responded, “We feel very strongly that this conference has good value and relevance for students from all programs and = across all years and alumni are most definitely welcome. While Business students tend to more directly associate leadership skills with professional success, these skills are truly needed and valued in all professions and walks of life -- in both “for profit” and “nonprofit” sectors as well.” He continued, “Last year we had a mix of students from Business, Arts, Humanities, Sciences and other programs as well. The feedback was also extremely positive from the whole range of students. I would suggest that no matter how involved or experienced a student is in terms of leadership, the conference program will offer something they can use now and later as well.” Tickets cost $20, which includes speakers, workshops, take-away materials, as well as lunch. Please note that seats are limited.

GARRY KNIGHT /FLICKR The US, United Kingdom and the presidency of the EU all congradulated Kosovo on holding their municipal elections last week.

Elections were held in Kosovo last week, which is arguably an important milestone in the fledgling nations demand to be recognized as a legitimate independent entity. Kosovo declared unilateral independence in February of 2008. The local elections have been met with praised by monitors; that assess that elections are being freely within law. The local elections had a turnout of approximately 45 pe cent, according to officials. Given the past and present hostilities within the overall region between the Serbs and Albanians, this appears to be a step in the right direction. Prime Minister Hashim Thaci, the Kosovo Liberation Army veteran; stated that the Democratic Party of Kosovo had secured 20 of 36 constituencies. Serb involvement within the political sphere has been an integral piece of the puzzle has been stifled by hatred, violence, and rejection of autonomy. These elections are a sign to the international community that Kosovo is a democratic state and would like induction into the EU and NATO.

Fair and corruption free elections are a part of a wider framework that needs to be achieved before Kosovo can be classified as an autonomous lawful state. The deep divisions between Albanians and the minority Serbian population which only constitutes a miniscule minority in an Albanian dominated nation; is a major setback in the process of reconciliation. Local elections are often a significant microcosm in which local concerns often merge with wider political, social, and economic concerns. Issues of poverty, education, and health care are the most urgent issues facing Kosovo as it strives for wider recognition from the international community. The integration of Serbs into a wider segment of society within Kosovo has been an uphill battle. Nevertheless, it appears that a small segment of Serbs have decided to vote for the first time, making their voice heard amongst the majority. Despite this, the democratic process appears to be moving slowly within Kosovo and the egalitarian inclusion of all of its citizens is far from complete.

page four | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

NEWS & POLITICS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

BEARD IT UP

OLYMPIC OPPORTUNITY

Kwantlen students offered Olympic job opportunities [CHRISTOPHER POON ] [MEDIA EDITOR]

CHRISTOPHER POON/ THE RUNNER Moe Houssaini looking for Kwantlen students to fill jobs during the 2010 Olympics.

This week at Richmond campus, Kwantlen students will have the opportunity to land a job working at the 2010 Winter Games. A 2010 Olympic hiring booth will be set up in the Richmond campus’ main rotunda, where students will be able to apply for full-time paid positions and do an on-the-spot interview. “What we’re doing here is giving an opportunity where we can hire some staff and we thought that it would be best to concentrate at post-secondary institutions,” said Moe Houssaini, one of the regional parking managers conducting the hiring sessions, “Not only because it gives an opportunity for students to be a part of the Olympics and gain the experience, but at the same time we find that there’s a great deal of availability and demand for work from the student body.” Most of the positions available are for parking or permit control attendants at various

Olympic venues around the Lower Mainland. Attendants will earn $12.87 an hour, and will also get to keep their Olympic uniforms. However, there will also be supervisory positions available to students who have the necessary experience, which will pay $16.83 an hour. Houssaini also encourages people to apply with their friends, as working with friends is also welcome. “The majority of campuses are not in session from February 12th to the 28th, which is when we’re fully operational,” said Houssaini, “Unlike other departments, we’re providing full-time paid work for those two weeks, we provide an official Olympic uniform, we provide them with meals while they work and we also try to accommodate them by placing them at venues close to home, so that they’re travel time is cut down.” The hiring booth will be on Richmond campus Nov. 24-25 from 10am-4pm, and students interested in applying are asked to bring two pieces of I.D.

Movember for a good cause [ALICIA QUAN ]

The month of November has taken on a new face, and it is a face with a moustache. If you’ve been walking around town wondering why there are so many guys with greasy 80’s ‘staches, it’s hopefully because they are raising funds and awareness for men’s health issues. This charity event is known as Movember, and its ‘staches are growing larger every year. The concept is simple. MoBros or MoSistas sign up to create a personal web page where people can sponsor them for growing their moustaches for the entire month of November. All the money raised goes right to Prostate Cancer Canada and is used towards those affected and research into the prevention, detection, treatment and cure of prostate cancer. For an idea that sprouted from a few drunk Australians in 2003, Movember is rapidly gaining exposure and popularity. Last year Canadians raised 2.4 million dollars for Movember. Visit http://ca.movember.com/ for more information.

LEADERSHIP CONFERENCE

Despite no-shows, Nov. 17 KSA council meeting goes on Although both Richmond and Surrey Council representative where absent, KSA Council still pressed forth with its agenda [CHRIS YEE] [STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU CHIEF]

This month’s second KSA council meeting was held on Nov. 17, on Langley campus. Despite initial difficulty in gathering enough voting council members to form quorum to start the meeting, with the Surrey and Richmond campus councils entirely absent in person, as well as most of the Student Liaisons and Director of External Affairs Derek Robertson, enough proxy votes were assigned to the physically existing council members to avert an early adjournment. To start the meeting off, representatives from the Cloverdale and Langley campuses presented their reports. John O’Brian, the Cloverdale Assembly Coordinator, was the first to present. In his report, he stated that, among other current activities at the Cloverdale campus, “SUB ideas” were already being compiled, and suggested similar planning start at other campuses. As for future events, O’Brien, with Events and Student Life Director Vanessa Knight, hopes to hold activities in support of Kwantlen’s United Way campaign, particularly “skillshare/ clinic [events], like [in]taxes and bike maintenance and employment and residential law.” O’Brien also aired a number of concerns, such as an influx of “under-prepared students” into trades programs (as a result of relaxed “entrance require-

ments”) “holding back classes.” He also stated that he is currently working on “possible solutions” with “a student volunteer on extracurricular math tutoring and... some of the ACP [Academic & Career Preparation]/ learning centre staff,” while also noting the reduced “support” for the ACP. O’Brian also expressed concern with the lack of representation of Cloverdale students in the Board of Governors and the Senate, for reasons including the short lengths of Trades and most Technology programs (often lasting less than “the period consistent with the term of office” of one year) and the credit requirement for Board of Governors and Senate elections (which preclude Trades students from these elections.) Finally, O’Brian expressed concern with the ITA (Industry Training Authority), the provincial body that is, according to O’Brian’s report, “responsible for developing, funding and tracking the training of all apprentices in BC.” In his report, O’Brian suggested that the ITA is “governed entirely by provincially-appointed business interests” and that “few [ITA] representatives have ever worked on the ground in a trade or represented people who did,” based on a study of the ITA’s “CEO & Director Biographies” on their website (www.itabc.ca/ Page59.apsx) After John O’Brien’s report

on the Cloverdale campus was Langley Campus Director Jennifer Campbell’s report on the Langley Campus. In addition to reporting on events such as their ongoing Monday movie nights and a “Winter Send-Off” event planned for Dec. 10th, concerns regarding the staff shortage at Langley campus were expressed, among others. A number of events at Langley campus, such as Gary Busey Day and the western-themed event The Good, The Bad, and The Langley, were cancelled because of this staff shortage, as well as what Deputy Director of Services Ashley White described in the report as a “lack of communication from [KSA] Executive [in Surrey].” “We’ve had students express their displeasure at events being cancelled, and we should be serving them,” White added. Other concerns aired in the Langley campus council report included those regarding ATM service (or the lack thereof) and door maintenance issues. The Langley campus council budget saw some release of funds, including $300 to the Winter Send-Off and $250 toward student lounge and office supplies, while $80 was to be released to “place an ad the Royal Canadian Theatre Company’s program.” Representatives from the Richmond and Surrey campus councils were not available to present any reports. Reports

from the International Students, Queer, and Students of Colour Liaisons were attached to the agenda, but sadly, they were also not available to present. Robert Kovacic, the Mature Students Liaison, was available to comment on his liaison’s activities – according to the minutes, “[the] Mature spirits event [a Mature Students liaison outreach event] is being postponed due to concerns about attendance.” Dirctor of Finance and Chairperson of the Executive Board Steve Lee and Director of Operations Nathan Griffiths presented the Executive Board’s report. The KSA bylaw concerning the Special Purpose Funds (Section IX, Article 8), was amended to include funds supporting the programs voted in during the Year One referendum in late September. In a post-meeting interview, KSA General Manager Desmond Rodenbour said the Special Purpose Funds were “[the KSA’s] way of guaranteeing [it] spend[s] money the way students wanted us” – a means of ensuring “accountability.” The KSA’s human resources budget for 2010 was also released during Nov. 17’s council meeting. The total for all elected KSA staff is $ 232,009.90 (from $223,000.00 in 2009), while the total for non-elected KSA staff is $782,071.09 (from $ 698,282.96 in 2009). Taken together, these total over a million dollars (from a total of $ 921,282.96 in 2009),

for a total increase of $92,798.03. Allowing for $50,000 in cafe sales to offset the cafe staff increases, that’s a net increase of $42,798.03. A more complete breakdown of the increases is included in the agenda for the Nov. 17, 2009 meeting, which may or may not be available on the KSA website at this issue’s publication. Other officials who presented reports were Ashley Fehr, Director of Academic Affairs, and Vanessa Knight, Director of Events and Student Life. These reports mostly concerned preliminary planning for upcoming events next year, such as SEXPO and next semester’s First Year Orientation (mentioned in Fehr’s report.) In Fehr’s report, there was some mention made of actions and issues on the academic front: a “daycare survey” and the establishment of a “true Advocacy service,” for instance. It was also announced that the Academic Issues Committee (AIC) is set to be phased out and reformed as a student senate at some future date. The Runner was unable to obtain further details – however, in a frivolous touch, the AIC was renamed the “Friends and Knights Tackling All Scary/Terrifying Issues/Crises Committee” (FaKTASTIC) in anticipation of its termination (at least in its current form.)

SPORTS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

GET OUT

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page ﬁve

ON THE ROAD

Ziptreking in Whistler The Basketball Diaries - Part 2 [MATT LAW]

Opening weekend for Whistler has come and gone. Saturday Nov. 14 was the first official day of the ski and snowboard season on the mountain. Over 300 people lined up at the base to be one of the privileged few to carve the first tracks into the snow. Australian accents could be heard far and wide throughout the village that day. Olympic officials from around the world strolled with self perceived impunity down the centre of pathways, obstructing the few people in Whistler who are grounded in reality. However, I was not there to ski, board or curse at visiting Olympic envoys. I was there to Ziptrek. As a self-proclaimed adrenaline junkie I have wanted to try this growing tourist attraction for some time now. The thought of flying down an 1100ft cable, suspended over a creek 1000 feet below, hitting speeds of 60km/h, sounds really exciting to me. Unfortunately as a poor student I have had to put off this particular adventure until recently due to the $99 per person (basic package) price tag. The basic package offered by Ziptrek gives thrill seekers over two hours of Ziptreking fun; with a little sightseeing, some scintillating environmental

history speeches by you guides and five cables which send you flying over Fitzsimmons creek. A word of warning. If you plan to go in the winter, dress really really warm. The trip begins with a practice run near the village, which is a bit of a yawn fest, followed by a 15-minute van ride past the bobsleigh track to a beautifully constructed tree top walk way… Ewok village for you Star Wars types. Once zipping across Fitzsimmons creek the trip gets a little more exciting. You can move about, even hang upside down and spin, all while flying through MATT LAW the air. Who wouldn’t enjoy that? Someone with acrophobia (fear of heights), that’s who. We happened to have one of these types on our tour, which greatly slowed the process. Overall this is something you have to try once, but for thrill seekers it hardly gets your blood pumping. The harness feels very secure, so much so that you have a phantom wedgie for several hours post zipping. There is no real drop or sudden sensation of falling, so your ‘oh-crapI’m-gonna-die’ reaction doesn’t give you the rush of adrenalin. In fact, according to Ziptreck employees, a 93 year old woman has tried it and just loved it. Next time it will have to be bungee jumping.

Lessons from the road with Ali and Chantelle

COURTESY OF ELISE LEBRUN

[ALI RANDA AND CHANTELLE DOERKSEN]

The last two weeks have been pretty important for the Kwantlen women’s basketball team as it was the start of actual league play. The sixth of November was our first game and we played at home versus UBC Okanagan. It was a big game for several reasons. One they are a strong team and to beat them would really help our league standings. And two, it was the team I (Ali) played my first two years for and it’s always nice to beat an old team. However that weekend didn’t turn out the way we had planned. They were both very tight games with both teams battling it out but in the end, it did not work out in our favour. Hopefully we’ll see UBC-O again and show them who’s boss. This past weekend we were away on the island to play Camosun Chargers. Friday night’s game started out fairly slow for us and by half time were down by eight. Coming back motivated for the second

half we picked up our intensity, grabbed rebounds, hit key shots and pulled out a win. Making the final score 68-62. It seems like every time we travel to the island something out of the ordinary happens. This time it happened after the game, on the way to our cars, we witnessed a young boy, probably seven-years-old, walk up to an unsuspecting victim of the male sex and kick him where it hurts. Needless to say the man keeled over. The boy’s father ran over to apologize, all the while trying not to laugh. Our team was not as compassionate as the father - we couldn’t stop laughing. Meanwhile, the kid who did the kicking just walked away like nothing had happened. It was quite the sight, that’s for sure. Basketball games last roughly an hour and a half and on a road trip that leaves a lot of down time. Sitting in a hotel room for hours before a game with nothing to do can be boring so you have to find ways to liven it up and keep busy. Now the smart thing to do in these situations

would probably be to do homework. But being the mature team we are, what do we do? We buy colouring books and crayons. And for those of us who didn’t participate in the colouring fest: we learned the moonwalk (Thanks Jess). I mean who doesn’t love a crazy dance party and colouring? But alas once you leave the hotel room it’s back to basketball and the game faces must go on. We all came pumped to the gym, wanting another W on our records but Camosun is a motivated team who didn’t want another loss. We came out flat and by half we were down by eight. But we knew this feeling from the day before and knew we could step it up. In the second half we fought back and came within three points with two minutes left. But our defense let up and therefore they scored some key baskets. We couldn’t quite get the game back and ended it 68-58 for Camosun. But alas, we can’t complain, coming out of the weekend with a win against one of Canada’s top ranked BCCAA team’s last year.

Fitness Guru

Kwantlen’s

Meet Elmo:

ASK THE COACH

I want to get fit, how do I get started?

For the very beginners, I have for you Your Basic Weekly Workout. Depending on your free time for exercise, this could be done either five days a week, spending 40 minutes each day; or, three days a week at 70 minutes each time. The fave major muscle muscle

groups, in layman’s terms, are the chest, the back, the shoulder, the arms, and the legs. Somewhere in there, we could squeeze in the abdominals. All of these five major muscle groups need to be exercised at the very least once each week. For beginners, I recommend exercising them all each session. First thing you need to know is what “Reps” and “Sets” are in terms of what we do in a resistance (weights) work out. Repititions, or “Reps” for short, are the number of times a movement is done in a “Set.” “Sets” are groups of repetitions with rest periods in-between the sets.

Let’s say you are doing bicep curls; repititions are the number of times you extend and contract your biceps. When you stop after having done 10 reps, that is counted as one set. Then you rest for one minute. When you repeat the same, you are on your second set of 10 reps. Usually, reps are done eight to 12 times per set. I recommend three sets (of 10 reps each) for beginners. Next time, I will write about exercises for the chest. You can email me at: fitness@kusa.ca

FREE FOOD, FREE DRINKS FREE MEETING WHEN: Every Friday at 2:00 pm WHERE: Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. WHAT: Discuss the upcoming issue and other important decisions

page six | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

OPINION

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

OPINION: A NEW REALITY

Look ma! I’m a real live super hero! Augmented realities are going to soon be a part of our regular lives - but can it go too far?

[DENNY HOLLICK] [CO-ORDINATING EDITOR]

Have you ever wished you had super powers like x-ray vision, telekinesis, or something else you saw on your Sunday morning cartoons as a kid? We’re not that far off actually: mobile technology has developed as such so that we can see things in our 3D reality which aren’t actually there, a new view of the world called “augmented reality.” Augmented reality (AG) is best explained as merging what you see through your eyes, with a computer generated reality. If you’ve ever watched a football game on TV, then you’ve seen a good example of augmented reality: On the TV screen, a yellow computer generated line appears where the first down line is. In hockey, you may have seen a yellow tail following the puck, indicating its direction. If you play video games or fly fighter jets, then you may also be familiar with what a heads up display is (HUD). This could also be used as a good example of an augmented reality. Today though, AG is seeing huge breakthroughs, especially

with mobile applications on the iPhone. Today, I was walking down the street and I saw a mountain in front of me, and was curious what the name of the mountain was. I turned on my iPhone and opened an application called Peak.ar. In order to find out what the name of the mountain is, I simply point

Soon, you won’t need a GPS in your car, the display will be built in to your windshield. Or perhaps you will be walking downtown and are interested in the history of a particular building? Hold your phone camera up, and in a 360 view, you will be able to see what buildings have wikipedia articles on them.

COURTESY PEAK.AR An example of augmented reality using the free application Peak.AR for the iPhone

my iPhone camera towards the mountain, and by using the GPS, compass, and camera data it collects, it displays the name and height of the mountain through the camera view of my iPhone in real time.

Click on one, and your browser will open with the article instantly. I must admit – its a difficult thing to understand fully until you’ve had an experience with it in your day to day life, but soon,

we will become superhuman. Our ability to access information will be nearly limitless. But at what point does this go too far? I’m sure many of you have seen the state of Granville St. downtown lately. A once beautiful street, has now been torn up, and trees ripped out in order to make room for the new Canada Line. Imagine this, rather than trying to beatify the street again, which would cost thousands of dollars, why not create an augmented reality of it? Rather than put physical trees and plants along the sidewalk, put on your super high tech sunglasses with a built in digital display, and you can see computer generated trees instead! A much cheaper and instant fix. But, is this actually the reality you want to live in? This is where you can raise the question, how far, is too far? At what point does our physical reality, go too deep in to a virtual reality? AG will most definitely bring huge benefit to our lives, but for some, rather than enjoying the physical world and what surrounds us, people may become too immersed in the their fabricated reality – a “matrix” like experience. Really, we wont know for some time how immersed we will become in this augmented reality, but as the story says: Down the rabbit hole we go...

If you’re not blowing shit up, nothing will change

I have a number of friends that are vegetarians. Some avoid meat because they don’t like the texture and/or smell and I get that. But, what I don’t get are those that don’t eat meat because they believe that it will either make a difference in the world of animal cruelty or because it will promote more sustainable food production. As you may have guessed, I don’t believe that not eating meat will do either of these things, nor do I believe that taking transit instead of driving to work will make the world greener. It’s not about changing yourself to change the world. It’s about changing the world to change the world. If every one of us stopped eating meat, sure we’d have a world that used less energy to farm and all the animals would all be happy and smiling. But realistically, we’re not all going to stop eating meat any time soon. Throughout our entire lives we’re educated to think that we need 2-3 servings of protein a day. We’re also told that meat equals protein

Vol. 2, Issue no. 09 November 24 2009 ISSN# 1916-8241 #205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6 www.runnerrag.ca EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor Denny Hollick editor@runnerrag.ca News Editor Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca Culture Editor Melissa Fraser culture@runnerrag.ca Media Editor Christopher Poon media@runnerrag.ca Production Editor Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca Bureau Chiefs: Arts & Design (Vacant) Creative Writing Adam Vincent Current Events Natsumi Oye Entertainment Jeff Groat

OPINION: PROTESTS

[MELISSA FRASER] [CULTURE EDITOR]

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society

(we aren’t told that cows are pumped full of antibiotics because their stomachs can’t digest the corn they’re fed, but that’s another issue). So, you can change within, but who cares if one person does one thing. It’s starting to sound like there’s no hope. Like we’re doomed. But, it’s not true. There is a way to change yourself, your friends and perhaps, people you don’t even know. The solution is education. Not the kindergarten–to-Grade-12, learn-Western-values, work hard-and-don’t-ask-questions, type of education. I’m thinking more along the lines of the whoa-I-didn’t-know-that, I’m-going-to-join-the-fight-forchange, type of education. Or the, whoa-there-are-thousandsof-people-in-the-street-lightingthings-on-fire-maybe-the-minimum-wage-in-B.C.-should-beraised, type of education. However, the difficulty is in the education process. Petitions? No good. Holding signs on parliament hill? Won’t do. Handing out pamphlets outside the Vancouver Art Galley? Who cares? Hunger strike? Getting warmer. Setting things on fire? That sounds about right. Blowing shit up? Bingo! There’s a reason why petitions don’t make front-page news, and car bombs do. Car

bombs are loud and they wreck shit. Let’s get this straight I’m not condoning killing or hurting anything that doesn’t deserve it. There’s no need to blow up a gas station and its attendants because you’re green. But, there might be a few petroleum giants that need to go missing, or perhaps a few stations that need to be blown to pieces after hours. Pacifism sounds nice, but propaganda sounds more like it. It would make sense to teach the masses that pacifism works and that people like Ghandi are heroes because of their non-violent revolutions. It’s too bad pacifism doesn’t work. Even dear ol’ Ghandi’s movement was one of mass resistance, followers of Gandhi sometimes proved their willingness to die—in front of streetcars or police, or in hunger strikes—for their cause. The violent, Japanese invasion of British India, could have helped the cause as well. Blowing shit up and causing a scene and running around with a mask on works. It works because it gets you in the news.

Once you’re in the news you have a platform—the tough part will be using that platform to educate rather than have the media make you out to be some sort of kook, but cross that bridge when it comes. An example is the Battle in Seattle. In 1999, the World Trade Organization met in Seattle and a whole slew of protestors showed up too. It was a rough couple days and things got out of hand. Protesters were beaten and gassed and they went through a lot. But, the WTO talks were reported to end in failure and further meetings were not rescheduled at the time and the police chief was forced to resign based on how he dealt with the situation. Plus it was all over the news and now there’s a movie about it with Charlize Theron in it. So you can either stop eating meat while everyone else at the table does, or you can fashion an “improvised explosive devise” and send it into a Lillydale factory after hours, just make sure the message is delivered with the blast.

Environmental (vacant) Langley Campus (vacant) Politics (vacant) Sports Michela Fiorido Student Affairs Chris Yee Travel: Anastasia Kirk Contributors: Ali Randa, Chantelle Doerksen, Ryan Keigher, Jared Vaillancourt, Hayley Woodin, Dan Mizuguchi, Melissa Wymenga, Luis Valdizon, Alicia Quan, Pinder Mandair, Stu Gallacher, Matt Law Cover Art: Agatha Entote BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca Office Co-ordinator Victoria Almond office@runnerrag.ca Distribution (Vacant)

FEATURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page seven

RICHMOND

CITY GUIDE 1] BEST ALTERNATIVE TO EATING AT KWANTLEN

Taco Luis Taco Luis rules the Lansdowne Mall food court. Grab a 7” Special for $4.75 or a 10” Special for $5.80, which includes a burrito, mexi-fries and a drink. Plus, enjoy a quirky conversation with the alwaysentertaining Taco Luis himself.

6 7G 2

No. 6 Rd

Garden City Rd

Inglis Dr

Alderbridge Way No. 4 Rd

No. 3 Rd

No. 2 Rd

Westerminster Hwy

No. 5 Rd

Granville Ave

No. 6 Rd

No. 3 Rd

No. 2 Rd

Finn Slough Welcome to a world you have never seen before but happens to be right by your front door. Finn Slough’s wooden shacks and turn of the century boardwalks make for one of Richmond’s best kept secrets.

5] BEST PLACE TO FIND YOUR CHI

No. 1 Rd Steveston Hwy

3] BEST PLACE TO GO FLY A KITE

4] BEST PLACE TO ESCAPE REALITY

No. 4 Rd

Blundell Rd

The Dyke at Terra Nova While away the hours taking in the sunset, watching the planes come in and fly out and gawking at all those people and their dogs who are crazy enough to go running in winter.

Garry Point Surrounded by windy coastline, this spot is the prime place to unwind and let mother nature take you away.

Westerminster Hwy

Gilbert Rd

Railway Ave Blundell Rd

2] BEST PLACE TO WATCH THE WORLD GO BY

Steveston Hwy

Kuan Yin Buddhist Temple Said to be the most authentic and magnificent Chinese temple in North America.

No. 2 Rd

6] BEST PLACE TO CATCH THE OLYMPIC PLAGUE The Olympic Oval Head into the speed skating oval for a public skate before VANOC claims autonomy over the air we breathe.

Moncton St

7] BEST PLACE TO DRINK YOURSELF DRUNK SEVEN NIGHTS A WEEK

3 7D 5 7E

A] Monday: Legends PubMonday night football, guys! B] Tuesday: The Flying BeaverMartini night, ladies! C] Wednesday: O’Hares Irish PubCelebrate hump day with a pint of Guinness. D] Thursday: Stanley’s Sports PubWatch local teams duke it out in two full-view live arenas. E] Friday: The Buck and Ear- Get to know the Richmond locals every Friday night at “The Buck.” F] Saturday: The Foggy DewReunite with all the friends you made last night and do “The Dew.” G] Sunday: J. Malone’s Bar and Grill- Karaoke night with DJ Fernando.

FEATURE

page eight | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

SURREY 3

CITY GUIDE 1] BEST PLACE FOR GRAB AND GO SUSHI Tokyo Sushi Express 1101-7360, 137th street Cheap and delicious. It’s been voted the best in Surrey by the Now newspaper and we always get it. They just have shitty service. That’s all.

2] BEST PLACE TO GET NAKED Newton Wave Pool Family Nude Swim Once a month the wave pool holds a risque romp in the water.

3] BEST PLACE TO WATCH FREE FOOTBALL

B.C. Lions Practice 10605-135 Street The practice schedule is posted

online.

4] BEST PLACE FOR DRUNK BOWLING Xcalibur 12350 Patullo Place They’ve got cheap booze and cheap bowling. That’s all you need, no?

9 1A

99A Ki ng G eo rg

5] BEST PLACE TO DO OUTDOOR SPORTS INDOORS

104 Ave

120 St

152 St

Green Timbers Urban Forest

6] BEST PLACE TO TASTE TEST

Scott Rd

Central City Brew Pub 13450 102 Ave They brew their own beer in the back which means it’s extra fresh. Plus, they have raspberry ale. Yes, Raspberry ale.

1A 99A Fra s

88 Ave

Nordel Way

152 St

King George Hwy

120 St

7] BEST PLACE TO GET A DISEASE FROM A BAR Pancho and Lefty’s 10768 King George Highway This one is mostly in here for its reputation as a pretty skeezy place.

1A Fra s

Vertical Reality Climbing 20- 7728 128 street We might have a ton of mountains around but sometimes you just want to climb inside, where it’s warm and dry. It’s cheap, too.

8] BEST PLACE TO WALK YOUR DOG 99A 120 St 72 Ave

72 Ave

168 St

152 St

Fleetwood Park

Green Timbers urban forest. Check out the flora and the fauna in the forest in your own backyard.

9] BEST PLACE TO GET WINGS

72 Ave

152 St

King George Hwy

Scott Rd

Bear Creek pub and grill 13588 88th Ave Cheap, delicious and not nearly as busy as Wings.

168 St

99A

10] BEST PLACE TO WRITE FOR A NEWSPAPER The Runner 205-12877 76 Ave. Come by Wednesday-Friday between 11 a.m. and 4 p.m. Or just send us an email and start writing.

11] BEST PLACE TO GO AFTER MIRAGE

5 1

McDonalds 10250 152 Street We don’t usually condone McDonald’s or Mirage, but sometimes you just have to.

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page nine

LANGLEY/CLOVERDALE CITY GUIDE 1] BEST PLACE TO WIN MONEY

Fraser Downs 17755 60th Avenue Putting money on horses then watching them race around a track may not sound like that much fun, but it is. Oh, it is. Oh, and there’s a casino here too.

2] BEST PLACE TO GO BACK IN TIME Fort Langley 9135 King Sure, Fort Langley is kind of meant for kids, but try walking around the Fort at night then head over to the cemetery. I don’t think ghosts are for kids.

3] BEST PLACE TO GET ZAPPED 96 Ave

Planet Lazer 20104 Logan Avenue Just because you aren’t 14 anymore doesn’t mean you can’t enjoy some good old-fashioned laser tag fun.

96 Ave

176 St

88 Ave

4] BEST PLACE TO HONKY TONK

200 St

176 St

Gabby’s Country Cabaret 20297 Fraser Highway Head on down to the hoe down. This country bar is about having fun and getting down, so leave that gangster stuff behind.

Fr a

5] BEST PLACE TO GRAB A CONE

72 Ave

200 St

Fra s

6] BEST PLACE TO GET STUNG The Honey Bee Centre 7480 176 Street Learn about honey bees and how they work. Or forget about learning all together and just check out someone with a beebeard. Check the website for details.

Langley Bypass

176 St

56 Ave

ve rR

Marble Slab Creamery 6339 200th Street There are a few of these around the Metro Vancouver area, and each one is more delicious than the last. This could be the best ice cream you’ve ever had.

56 Ave

10 1A Fra s

er H

7] BEST PLACE FOR A SANDWICH AND A LAUGH 1A

200 St

176 St

La Charcuterie Delicatessen 19080 96 Ave This place is known to be home of the Sandwich Nazi. He makes the most outrageous comments and a mean sandwich.

8> BEST PLACE FOR FOOD GROWN LOCAL Beatniks Bistro 9194 Glover Road Beatniks uses locally sourced food and turns it into delicious cuisine.

page ten | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

NEED

AND IDEAS. SCHOLARSHIP, AND

WE始LL

YOUR

WORDS,

PICTURES,

NEED A REFERENCE JOB

HELP

PROGRAM? YOU

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

ATTITUDES

LETTER BE

OUT!

A ALL

FOR

VOLUNTEER STUDENTS

FROM ALL BACKGROUNDS ARE NEEDED TO MAKE THIS NEWSPAPER

WORK,

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CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page eleven

MAD CHILD

REVIEW

Swollen’s second-time success

What’s a Puscifer? [JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

LUIS VALDIZON/ THE RUNNER After a three-year hiatus, Swollen Members are back in the game with a new album. The group says that the industry is a whole new place this time but they’re up for the challenge.

[LUIS VALDIZON]

Nov 12, 2009. Swollen Members are performing in their hometown for the first time in months. You can almost taste the crowd’s anticipation in every breath taken inside the packed venue. The chants grow violently from young throats awaiting their idols. It’s time. Swollen Members are back, ready for war, and armed to the teeth. With features on the new album ranging from Talib Kweli to underground sensation Tech N9ne it’s hard to disagree. I sat down with one half of Swollen Members in their tour bus. Mad Child’s hospitality caught me off guard. It’s not that I was expecting to meet an egotistical maniac or anything, but his good nature was beyond what I expected. He was calm, relaxed, and wore his black shades the entire time. Despite a few minor interruptions, the interview ran smoothly. I tip my hat to Mad Child’s girlfriend, who waited patiently in a brand new, white BMW parked behind the bus, while I asked questions. But don’t worry, he didn’t cut corners in any of his responses – I promise. The Runner: For the people who are unfamiliar with you, who are you? Mad Child: I’m Mad Child; one half of Vancouver-based hip hop group Swollen Members. I’m also the founder of the brotherhood the crew the world wide movement Battle Axe Warriors. Swollen Members have been together for about nine or 10 years now with national and

international success and four JUNO Awards under our belts.

for the new album has been so far?

R:There’s been a new addition to the team, correct?

MC: To be honest, I’m feeling hesitance from people on the East Coast in high places. I feel they’re doing their best not to give Swollen Members the opportunities to get back on the top of the game. People in Vancouver and Edmonton are being wonderful, supportive, and showing us love. We can’t tell you how much we appreciate that. And don’t get me wrong musical institutions like Much Music and few others in Toronto are giving us interviews and TV spots, but without saying names, I just want to say I’m disappointed with the overall lack of support for us on the East Coast. I’m not complaining. I just want the West Coast to understand what’s going on. It’s like Toronto only wants their artist to be successful and they’re doing whatever they can to make that happen.

MC:Yes. Tre Nyce is the newest artist signed to our label. Prevail (the other half of Swollen Members) brought him to my attention while we were in Kelowna at my house where our recording studio was located at the time. I heard his stuff, and I was blown away. He is an extremely talented artist. Tre can make five songs a day and have every one turn out incredible. I’ve never been more impressed by an up-and-coming artist that I’ve met in person in my entire life; he’s an absolute pleasure to work with. I want to invest my heart and soul into him, and I want him to be successful in the same way I want Swollen Members to be successful. R: Why did it take the new album so long to get here? MC: After our album “Black Magic” released in 2006, we took a break. During that time (20062009), I got hooked on percocets, which became an addiction to oxycodone. It got to the point where I was doing twenty, 80mg pills of oxycodone a day, enough to kill a horse. I’m lucky to be alive. The only good thing that I can say happened in that dark period of my life is that my family and friends stuck by my side, which eventually allowed me to record (Armed to the Teeth) in my opinion the best album of our entire catalogue. R: How do you feel the support

R: Do you think Swollen Members can reach the same heights it has in the past? MC: Look, this is the way I see it. The chance of Swollen Members achieving the same amount of success we achieved a second time is obviously a greater challenge than it happening the first time. And I’m fine with that. I’m willing to work hard and put in the effort to try to recreate what we’ve already done, but with the industry being in the state that it’s in with sales plummeting due to downloading and the economy, it’s going to be hard. And to be honest, I don’t really care if I

become rich from making music. I’d be satisfied with making a living doing what I love to do. R: Do you feel the industry has changed since your hiatus? MC: It’s a whole different world that I came back to. When I was in the game in ‘06, all we had to worry about is Myspace. Now it’s all about the internet, social networks, and blogs. I love the challenge. Sites like worldstarhiphop.com, nahright. com, and 2dopeboyz.com have been very supportive of our music. I feel that our Facebook game is strong, and I’ve recently even started my twitter account. Twitter is something I can definitely see myself adjusting into my daily schedule. I’m started to get addicted to this internet thing instead of being addicted to drugs. At first, the comments and opinions about our music bothered me, until I realized that most these people’s opinions didn’t matter. R: Any final thoughts? MC: There’s a lot of gang activity in Vancouver right now. I think it’s the highest it’s ever been to the point they’re calling it Gangcouver. I don’t think there’s anything wrong with being gangster a lot of my friends are gangsters. Hopefully people can figure it out, and maybe there can be a little less darkness. Maybe we can bring a little light to this world. So respect to all the crews in Vancouver, respect to all the people doing their thing, but let’s try to do some positive as well.

Puscifer, the latest project from Tool and A Perfect Circle front-man, Maynard James Keenan, hit Vancouver on Nov. 13. Puscifer is another one of Maynard’s multi-sided, impossible to categorize and extremely articulate projects—although it’s as far from Tool as you can possibly get. Maynard has described the project as “simply a playground for the various voices in my head, [...] a space with no clear or discernible goals, [...] where my Id, Ego, and Anima all come together to exchange cookie recipes.” The mixed collection of musicians played most of the songs off the debut album, V is for Vagina, to a somewhat relaxed, if not deeply engaged crowd at the Centre for Performing Arts in Vancouver. The typical Maynard style of dark humour that is usually manifested in some angrier fashion was out in full force, though in a way that reflects the more accessible side of Puscifer’s music. As the red curtain rose on the stage, a camper’s tent lay in the middle of the stage with a video screen in the shape of a giant billboard behind, showing a view inside of Maynard talking on his iPhone. After a few comments about camping in Canada, and why “are all these people outside my tent?” the tent rose and the crowd got a glimpse of what was to come during the rest of the show. To start, a parody of the opening scene from the movie Patton showed on screen, in which a Major Douche (played by Maynard) spoke of the disrespect that flash photography is to a band playing in a dark theatre. After the video, the show started. The set-list took on the bulk of Puscifer’s catalogue, although the band seemed to have fun adding parts to songs, or playing songs differently than they sound on record. They also played a stunning version of Rev 22:20, originally off of the Underworld soundtrack, bringing the crowd into the performance. Interspersed through the songs, videos played on the “billboard,” asking “what is a Puscifer?” with parodies of Puscifer’s associated business and marketing people giving their predictable, overthought answers, only half-joking in the inherent mocking of the business side of the music industry. The entire show seemed to embrace that part of rock fame that Maynard so famously deplores and ignores, but of course with a smirking dose of sarcasm. Check out Puscifer’s latest release, “C” Is for (Please Insert Sophomoric Genitalia Reference HERE), an EP released as an online, digital download only on Nov. 10.

CULTURE

page twelve | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

ONE-LINERS

STAR WARS

Why Star Wars appeals to everyone Star Wars [CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

For more than 30 years the Star Wars saga has been entertaining people all over the world. From the badass lightsaber fights to little fuzzy Ewoks to princesses in golden bikinis, Star Wars has something for everyone. Have you ever cheered as loudly as when Luke put some serious hurt on Vader at the end of Return of the Jedi? Or wept as deeply as when Han was frozen in carbonite and taken away by the Fett man? Ok fine, pretend like you have no clue what I’m talking about. But let’s say that you need further proof as to why Star Wars kicks ass. How about this, there’s always a Star Wars character that everyone can relate to.

Have you ever felt like you didn’t belong somewhere, that your talents were unappreciated and your personal growth was being kept on a short leash? Well it just so happens that you share the same sense of limitation as none other than Luke Skywalker. Indeed young Skywalker also started out stuck in a nowhere job on a nowhere planet, but look at him now, he’s off on the other side of the universe bitch-smacking Sith Lords and blowing up Death Stars. It took the brutal slaying of his aunt and uncle to inspire young Skywalker to take up the lightsaber, but that’s beside the point.

in the sack

the whole ‘old man’ thing (that’s only skin deep), Obi-Wan was a badass lone wolf of the coolest variety. When he wasn’t wandering around scaring off bands of armed thugs (see: Tusken Raiders) he was pulling off some crazy ninja skills aboard super destructive space stations. To top it off, Obi-Wan didn’t let a small thing like death get in the way of continuing to converse with the living. Mortality ain’t got nothing on him.

[MATT LAW]

Top 10 Star Wars quotes for in the bedroom. Note* - Use a Darth Vader or Yoda voice when applicable. It makes it so much hotter.

You came in that thing? You’re braver than I thought.

Kenobi and Luke don’t fit your lifestyle? Maybe you prefer to go around choking people and blowing shit up for the sake of it? Maybe you have some oppressive boss who you’re fed up with to the point that you want to throw him down a near-bottomless pit? Well, friend, I’ve got two words for you: Darth Vader. Emperor aside, this guy doesn’t take shit from anyone. He stomps around the galaxy crushing rebellions, fighting Jedi and engaging in dogfights in space. While he may come off as a bit of a hardass, Vader is also a devoted family man and looks out for his kids. Oh yeah, and he also stops laser bolts with his HANDS. Eat

But maybe that’s not you, and you’re more of the weird, loner guy/gal that nobody understands. People avoid eye contact with you and you wear the same long-flowing robes day-in and day-out because you think they make you appear more ‘enigmatic.’ Well you are pure, 100 per cent, unadulterated Obi-Wan Kenobi. Looking past

At that speed do you think you can pull out in time?

Look at the size of that thing.

3 4 5 6 7 8

It’s not my fault.

Impressive, most impressive.

Judge me by my size, do you?

I thought you were blind.

that Greedo.

Raised by royalty? Think you’re entitled to everything? Enjoy kissing your siblings ‘for luck’? You my friend, are Princess Leia. Like every other princess in every other story, Leia gets taken prisoner in the first ten minutes of the first film. Though don’t get me wrong, Leia isn’t a pushover. This feisty little hellion leaves a trail of dead a mile-long by the end of the third movie. Like Vader, she doesn’t take shit from anybody. Hmmm, maybe they’re related?

Perhaps you’re not like any of the above though. Maybe you hate pretty much everybody, and have no qualms with killing for a bit of dough? Boba Fett be your name, bounty-hunting’s your game. This guy would rather let his gun do the talking, and he isn’t afraid of anyone. Need to get somewhere in a hurry? No problem when you have a goddamned jetpack strapped to your back. This guy was the epitome of cool, and sorry nerds, he’s not overrated. I’m out of space, so I guess I’ll just throw out a list of random Star Wars characters/things, and you can pick whichever one you identify with most: Lando, Yoda, Tauntaun, IG-88, Chewbacca, AT-AT, Han Solo, Bacta Tank, Palpatine, Hoth, Wedge, Sarlacc.

Sometimes, I amaze even myself.

I’ve got a problem here… I can hold it… I’m all right… ARRRGGHHH.”

Nub nub… Back door, eh? Good idea.

Finally, the best quote for the morning after: I’ve got a bad feeling about this.

PREQUELS

Episodes I-III: Trash [JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

In May, 1977, moviegoers were stunned with the release of George Lucas’ Star Wars and its beautiful characters, music, and storytelling, not to mention its special effects. Years later, we would all find out that the first release of the series, Star Wars (later named Star Wars: A New Hope), was actually the fourth instalment in the Star Wars story. The release of the first prequel would come in the spring of 1999, recreating much of the hype and excitement for my generation that the original did in 1977. Unfortunately, it didn’t deliver. The main character was a

nine-year-old kid with a bunk haircut and a propensity for being way too nice to people. Anakin Skywalker, who we know to be Darth Vader, the evil incarnation of the father of Luke Skywalker, was actually just an annoying child-slave who had good reflexes. The plot hinges on a substantial chunk of the story in a tenminute Pod-racing scene—never mind all of the lead up—where Anakin wins his freedom and the parts necessary to fix his new friends’ ship, while every other racer crashes in one of many ways embellished by computer graphics. It’s out of place and may have been a sad excuse to make a video game. Republic credits were no good? Whatever, Watto.

It doesn’t help Anakin’s case much that his friend is the creature called Jar-Jar Binks, a seven-foot-tall, frog-voiced piece of comic relief who is clumsy, not intelligent by any means, and has way too many lines. Episode I: The Phantom Menace had so much potential. It had the villain Darth Maul, who wielded a double bladed lightsaber with amazing acrobatics and skill, and wore badass looking red and black face paint on his multi-horned head. Episode II: The Attack of the Clones didn’t improve much on its predecessor, either. Although Lucas was wise to drastically cut the appearances of Jar-Jar Binks in these later episodes, the villains are nowhere near as cool as Darth Maul. Count Dooku is mostly an arrogant prick, and General Grievous is some sort of robot that has a bad cough. Sure, General Grievous has

four arms with which he wields lightsabers he has stolen from slain Jedi Knights, but in no way does he compare to Maul, Vader, or the Emperor in the evil factor. In Episodes two and three, Anakin Skywalker is played by Hayden Christensen who doesn’t capture very well the inner torment, disagreement and overall moodiness that Anakin is supposed to be feeling bound up in the strict Jedi teachings. Of course, Mark Hamill wasn’t the best of actors, either, but what Hamill lacked in skill, translated into the farm boy naiveté of Luke Skywalker. That leaves us only one more go at it. Episode III: The Revenge of the Sith finally got it right, mostly. The story is solid, the acting is better, the moments where we are supposed to feel tension, we aren’t swearing as Jar-Jar Binks ruins the moment by tripping over a log or getting tied up

with a battle-droid. But like its two prequel partners, it still lacked in spirit. There are no Han Solo scoundrel-types to grin with, no “Yee-haws,” no odds-calculating moments that lend A New Hope, The Empire Strikes Back and The Return of the Jedi their defining moments.

CREATIVE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

SCI-FI

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page thirteen

POEM

Shifting Ice: Black Dawn

The Colour of B.C.

[JARED VAILLANCOURT]

[DAN MIZUGUCHI]

Chapter One “Well, would you look at that!” Kyraa shouted from across the room. Vintis looked up from its glass, its eyes out of focus as the expensive brandy burned down its throat. Kyraa pulled another of her trademark smiles, cockily pulling up the tendrils to the left of her mouth. “What now?” Vintis inquired grumpily, its head swimming in a peculiar mix of stress and alcohol. Kyraa chuckled, a strange sound for an Izraal to make, and instead pointed up past Vintis at the screen floating behind the bar. Vintis coughed and turned, noticing as the other patrons turned their heads to regard the hologram. On its shimmering surface a supposedly attractive Jukkopo reporter was running through his story, the words incomprehensible but the subtitles blissfully clear. “War?” someone asked as the room fell utterly quiet. Vintis squinted, forcing the screen into some semblance of clarity to his fading vision. Was this its fifth glass already? “Ha – I knew it,” Kyraa encouraged the reporter, as she stood up, her glass tight in her hand. “I knew the Pyryx were stupid. I knew they’d do something like this!” Vintis turned to consider her. The tall Izraal downed the last of her drink and turned to demand another from the barkeep. Vintis merely grunted and continued to read the screen. “War declared – Pyryx protests of new Izraal homeworld become violent,” Vintis muttered as those words drifted across the hologram. “Great stars, Izraal fleets mobilize as Pyryx armada approached the system,” it finished. It turned as

Kyraa whooped and lumbered over to the counter, her long legs dancing her body neatly around Vintis’ as she retrieved her drink. “My friend, a toast,” Kyraa offered as she held her bubbling blue concoction in front of Vintis’ face. “This is the day I have held breath for! The start of this war solidifies our claim! The Pyryx would not attack a colony of their own – they truly do believe that world is ours!” she exclaimed. Vintis regarded her drink as it heard the other patrons, most of them Izraal, lift their drinks and down them. Vintis lifted its glass, Kyraa expectantly inching hers to its. Instead, Vintis took another sip and set the glass down. “You’re fighting over a rock,” Vintis grumbled. “You had other colonies. You didn’t need a replacement for your homeworld out of your neighbor’s back yard.” Kyraa lowered her glass, her six eyes all focused intently on Vintis. Finally, Kyraa smiled. “I guess I shouldn’t have expected a Zwitii to understand,” she said politely. Vintis looked up at her and reciprocated her fake smile, lifting its glass as Kyraa’s alien smile grew and she once again lifted hers. Vintis gently tapped the edge of its brandy with her bubbling mystery. “To chaos,” Vintis lisped. Kyraa became motionless as it swung back the last dregs of liquor. Without another word, Vintis passed its credit coin across the counter’s reader, pulled on its goggles and nodded curtly to Kyraa before exiting the bar. It seemed to fit that the suns were low on the horizon as the day waxed into night. “Great stars,” Vintis mumbled, “Why war? Why now?” In all its years it had never seen the likes of war. History was full

ILLUSTRATION

Cat Yelizarov CLOCKWISE FROM TOP TO BOTTOM: Glove1, Glove 2, Glove 3, Spoon

of it, of course; great battles that had shaped borders and forged cultures. But war was a word that had become less popular, even scarce across the Andromeda galaxy. Four hundred alien species had simply learned to coexist, and if anyone was proof of such a concept, it was the Izraal and the Pyryx; two mortal enemies, their differences finally cast aside. “That’s right ladies and gentlemen,” a public news screen was saying from above the transit terminal. “War. Allow me to continue in Common: The Imperial Guard has declared today…” Vintis stopped listening as passers-by gasped and paused to stare up fearfully at the screen. It was surreal to them, Vintis mused; they had no concept of the inner workings of a politician’s mind. After so many years knowing Kyraa, Vintis wasn’t surprised at all. That night, Vintis could not sleep. It was on every channel; diplomats condemning both sides, politicians making declarations, Izraal and Pyryx militants screaming out of the screens as unholy sounds threatened to drown them out. While Kapilo was some distance from the war zone, it was still far too close for Vintis’ comfort. It was not until late at night that something the reporters said caught its ear. “… And the Imperial Guard has imposed an exodus order on all alien nationals living on the world in question, to safeguard those who do not belong in their fight…” Vintis shot the screen an angry look and threw the remote through it, flickering the image. It lay back and closed its eyes. “Not our fight,” Vintis muttered. “Why do they always lie like that?” To be continues next week...

Red leaves with no ambition Slowly lose their grip. The wind Gives them flight for a time, but Gravity eventually wins. Red leaves on the green grass, And the sky is all grey. Red on green And grey in the sky for-tells white, Which blankets all. Green is the colour of our mountains, Although in summer they sometimes Turn black. And Ash roils the sky. And now the mountains too are Turning red, like the leaves, Like rust. There are beetles to blame. But I cannot hate them. They are too much like us. They feed, multiply, use resources, Destroy the land. They are too Much like us for me to hate them. To hate them, is to hate us. Red on green in the fields and On the mountains. Grey for-tells White. And too much blue sometimes Brings with it Black. When green turns Red, and all turns white, and some Is left black, it is out of our hands.

POEM

A Picture of Rain [MELISSA WYMENGA]

Say Farewell to those who Laugh and Scorn A picture of rain falls down on me It drips, drips down in uneven drops Strong weak, Strong, weak in an obstuse rhythm The shower has no melody to bring to the empty air. The puddles collect in my hands, feet kept dry, till grey clouds open up And the rain joins my tears.

POEM

Tabula Rasa [ADAM VINCENT] [CERATIVE WRITING BC]

We may always be poetry cluttering my thoughts scribbled on napkins scraps of paper the palm of my hand red, black and blue fragments written at coffee shops on receipts waiting in the rain bleeding colour into colour illegible like our seperation lost over time put through the wash left behind from time to time picked up by passersby.

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The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

MOVIE CULTURE

REVIEW

DEGREES OF SEPARATION: Viggo Mortensen to John Travolta [KYLE SLAVIN CONTRIBUTOR]

The Road – Nov. 27 I bought Cormac McCarthy’s book The Road a few months back because I heard great things about it. It’s still lying untouched on my bookshelf, but now that it’s been made into a movie that looks pretty great, it’ll most likely force me to pick up the book and read it before I see the film. It’s the story of a man and his son (Viggo Mortensen and Kodi Smit-McPhee) travelling across a post-apocalyptic wasteland. This looks unbelievably promising and I’m sure it’ll be a cult favourite for sure.

Psycho (1998)

Paranormal Activity: Normal [HAYLEY WOODIN]

Nothing works quite like a horror movie when it comes to snapping your life into perspective. Unfortunately, Paranormal Activity is so un-horror-like that it makes even the dullest of lives seem flush with excitement and spontaneity. The premise of the movie is that a young couple buys a video camera to record the mysterious and unexplained paranormal activities that are occurring within their house. And really, that’s all there is to the movie. The so-called horror flick focused more on the relationship problems between the couple: I would classify the movie as a

drama with interspersed scare scenes in between the chatter and bickering. What differentiates Paranormal Activity from every other lame horror movie/poorly acted melodrama is that movie-goers are watching what little onscreen action there is through the couple’s camera. It’s been done before, but it provides a more interesting perspective. Even the scary parts (I think there were three in total) only elicited nervous gasps from the crowd. The final verdict: Paranormal Activity is not worth seeing. Unless, of course, you’re looking for a good chuckle or a quiet place to nap.

GROAT IN THE SACK

The first legit horror movie I ever saw was Psycho (Gremlins doesn’t count). But then again, the version of Psycho I watched was the remake, which doesn’t really count either. I don’t recall enjoying it, which is an indication that I could spot a dud at a young age. I remember Anne Heche reprising Janet Leigh’s classic role, but IMDB says Vince Vaughn, Julianne Moore and Viggo Mortensen were all in it too, which is a surprise considering the quality of the film.

Boy toys and Veggie Tales This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

[JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

Four Christmases Vince Vaughn and Christmas movies seem to go hand in hand as of late (see: Fred Claus, Four Christmases). I didn’t see the latter, but that’s only because it looked terrible. It’s a romcom starring Vaughn and Reese Witherspoon, with a huge supporting cast including Jon Voight, Robert Duvall, Kristin Chenoweth, Tim McGraw, Mary Steenburgen and Sissy Spacek. Regardless of the extensive cast, it looked particularly terrible, especially for a Christmas movie.

RV I made a bet with a friend that I could watch RV without laughing. And I actually lost that one. I thought the movie was horribly cliched and poorly written, but I chuckled twice and lost the bet. Robin Williams has had highlights and low-lights in his career, this was on the lower end. But, for Kristin Chenoweth, as far as I know, this was her only low light. I know the movie’s geared to a much younger audience or people who spend a ton of time camping or going outdoors, but this was worse than updated slapstick.

Old Dogs – Nov. 27 Who in the hell cast John Travolta as a lead in a comedy opposite Robin Williams? I saw the trailer for Old Dogs in theatres earlier this year, and the entire audience of adults was in stitches hearing poorly delivered jokes and watching idiotic pratfalls. This is why shit like Old Dogs gets made, because there is an audience out there that finds them funny. Travolta needs to man up and do real movies again.

There are many sex toys on the market, mostly because we are wretched human beings who are unable to find a mate willing to stand the stench of our B.O. and must resort to such “hands-on” approaches. Sorry, I’ll try not to bring myself into this. For most people, it’s not about being extremely lonely, depraved or perverted, but merely a way of spicing things up in the bedroom, or “in the sack,” if you will. There were many ideas for this column on sex toys. “Do one only on male sex toys,” strangely coming from a male hetero friend of mine. Another, from a female, “Toys from in and around the kitchen.” Needless to say, the ideas coming in about sex toys were as varied as the things that exist for such purposes. As for the kitchen, there aren’t a lot of options other than the obvious phallic-shaped objects like cucumbers and other veggies that are this same basic shape. I would tend to stay away from ones that grow in the ground and are covered in dirt, or are rough, spiny or pointy (unless

you go for that sort of thing). But while we’re still on food, let’s dig through the cupboards. Although a little on the messy side, a bottle of honey, some chocolate sauce or a jar of jam can be just as intriguing as a cucumber, but don’t forget to bring a towel. If we leave the kitchen behind, and look for something for the guys, well... Try it yourself, Google “male sex toys,” just so you know what I had to sift through. Predictably, most of the basic principles are the same, but the names vary from everything like the “Fleshlight,” to the “Autoblow.” Guys are simple creatures. Anal beads. There was no easy way to bring that one in, so, there it is, let’s talk about it. They are what they sound like, a series of attached beads in a variety of materials that go in, well, there. The speed at which they are inserted and then removed creates the desired sensation, but my advice is simple: be very careful. There are all kinds of other toys designed to accomplish all sorts of things. But as with anything you use or do in the bedroom, make sure you have the right reasons for what you do, who you do it with and why you’re doing it. e-mail questions: culture@runnerrag.ca

MUSINGS

A short series of twisted observations [STU GALLACHER]

Something that isn’t true What’s more tortuous than writing, asides from shaving your own eyebrows or getting a blowjob from a girl with braces? How about trying to come up

with original ideas. When I was younger, and just slightly more flippant towards the world, I realized that originality meant being sort of weird and outside yourself. I became my own deranged experiment in an attempt to intellectualize the absurdities of real life and fantasy. Unfortunately for most people, there’s no originality in being totally unoriginal. On the other hand, being too original comes off as desperate and obvi-

ous. So ideally, you want to fall somewhere in between mediocre and semi-unoriginal, which is basically the stylish personification of not giving a @#$%.

A + B = I have no idea Am I out of touch with the normal world? I’m a spiraling optimist with no sense of direction. Instant gratification is the tragic rhapsody of my life; therefore, I’m usually drunk. I read in a self-help book on how

to be smart, that the inability to foresee the potential consequences of a normal act or decision is a result of the brain’s under-development, which, evidently, is permanent after you hit a certain age. Do you know what that means? That some of us are doomed to a life of lost jobs, messy break-ups, miscalculations and parking tickets.

Don’t listen to me? How do you “find your-

self?” Do you backpack around Europe for 3 months and spend every last penny you have? Do you go to Thailand and get completely wasted every night and hook up with the world’s finest transients? Either way, selfreflection can require an extreme journey across the unfamiliar landscape of staunch experimentation. Whether it’s sex, drugs, music or school, nothing works better for me than mixing it up.

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 09 | November 24 2009 | page ﬁfteen

SKETCHY COMIC - MEL FRIESEN (NEXUS/CAMOSUN COLLEGE)

HOROSCOPE SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Are you waiting on a phone call? Why don’t you pick up the phone and order a pizza instead.

PISCES Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

Do everything you can to avoid all animals this next week. Especially watch out for lizards and birds.

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 - Nov. 21 Throw away all your blue pens and replace them with red pens. The effect will be enormous.

You usually play hide and seek but now’s the time to switch it up a little. Try go-fish or tag.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

Your heart is wearing a top hat and doing an interpretive dance. Pay attention to what it’s trying to say.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

AQUARIUS Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

The lady on the bus might not care that you ran over your sister’s cat, but I bet your sister will care.

If you wear a suit made of paper and you go out into the rain, chances are you’ll get pretty wet.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

Your mind is in the perfect situation to make big decisions about poutine and animal crackers.

CANCER June 21 - July 22

It’s time to gather up all your friends and family and ride the wave of fruit punch you’ve been avoiding.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22 Even though everyone is speaking perfect Spanish, it sounds more like drunken babel to you.

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22 Act on every irrational thought you have this week. It will make for some really good stories.

If there has even been a time to break someone’s kneecap it is now. Hop to it old friend.

Kwantlen Hoodies

CHRISTOPHER POON/ THE RUNNER

It’s starting to get a bit chilly out, so what better than a Kwantlen-branded hoodie to get you through this harsh fall/winter weather? Not only do you keep toasty while others shiver themselves to death, but you also proclaim your undying school patriotism to the world. The only downside is obtaining one of these puppies, as they cost $56 a pop. Basic hoodies don’t normally cost more than $40 or so (save for those overpriced American Apparel ones), so you’re really just paying to have your school name stamped on the front. If Kwantlen were so keen on having students struttin’ around wearing their brand, they’d make these far more affordable.

INTERESTING FACT: HISTORY OF AMAZON.COM Jeff Bezos coined the term Amazon.com from the earlier name Cadabra.com. It was the excellent way to present large volume online bookstore. But did he have hidden intentions? It is hard to believe but in the early Internet days, when Yahoo was the dominant search engine, results on one page were listed alphabetically. Amazon would always appear above its competition for a specific keywords. This could have been the breaking point for Jeff to expand and become what it is today.

page sixteen | November 24 2009 | vol. 2 issue 09

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca