Vol. 2 Issue 11

NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

GANG FORUM P 03

EDITORIAL: BOXING DAY P 06

LETTERS TO SANTA P 08-09

XMAS PARTY ETIQUETTE P 12

VOL. 2 ISS VOL ISSUE 11 | DEC DECEMB DECEMBER BER 0 08 08, 2009

NEWS & POLITICS

page two | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS - WHAT’S HAPPENING ACROSS CANADA

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

WHAT’S HAPPENING

Tensions high, debate extensive at CFS AGM Membership referendum reforms pass at nearly nine-hour-long closing plenary [EMMA GODMERE] [CUP OTTAWA BUREAU CHIEF]

OTTAWA (CUP) – After a marathon closing plenary session, the Canadian Federation of Students’ four-day November general meeting wrapped up late in the evening of Nov. 28.

Hundreds of delegates from campuses across the country met just outside of Ottawa, in Gatineau, Que. from Nov. 25–28 to participate in panel discussions, attend seminars by notable speakers and highly contentious changes to the organization.

The sixth motion on the meeting’s original agenda – proposed by local 78, the Carleton Graduate Students’ Association, and dubbed “motion six” throughout plenary, despite a change in motion order – brought forward the greatest debate at the meeting.

The motion to bring reforms to the membership referendum process included extending the minimum time period between defederation referendums on a university campus from two years to five years (three years for colleges); limiting the number of such referendums in any three-month period to two for the entire organization; and increasing the number of required referendum petition signatures from 10 per cent of a member local’s student population to 20 per cent.

The vote on the motion, toward the end of the final plenary of the meeting, was stalled as the hotel’s fire alarm went off in the middle of debate and all present in the room filtered out into the hotel parking lot. After a delay of over 20 minutes, delegates were allowed back into the large room to continue the debate and vote on the motion, which passed 44 to 19.

Kimalee Phillip, president of Carleton’s Graduate Students’ Association (GSA) indicated she and fellow delegates were expecting some opposition to their proposals.

“We were just really happy that it passed, and I think it showed that CFS is stronger than most people assume, and

that we are here for the students.”

Matt Musson, director of campaigns for the local 21, the GSA of the University of Calgary, was one of two students behind an open letter against “motion six,” sent to numerous campuses and student newspapers last week.

Local 21 voted against the motion.

“I would have to say that [the end vote was] more than slightly disappointing. My feeling, based on what went down at the meeting, was that no one really wanted to discuss this rationally and think about the consequences for future members and even current members,” he offered.

“I really feel like this was restricting the individual rights of

MEDMOISELLE T/ FLICKR

The CFS is a student lobbyist group that advocates for the rights of students including the lowering of tuition fees.

the current members by limiting discussion about their membership to once every five years.”

The motion required twothirds support to be adopted.

However, CFS-Quebec treasurer Andrew Haig contended that there was no proper two-thirds majority in the vote, due to a large number of abstentions.

“The decision of the chair to accept the motion as passed was clearly wrong. The CFS bylaws set out that it requires the votes of [two thirds] of member locals

present to pass a bylaw amendment,” he said. “Of 69 members present, only 44 supported it.

That’s less than [two-thirds], and the question really isn’t more complicated than that.”

According to CFS bylaws, “local student associations representing individual members are called voting members.” Additionally, “the Constitution and Bylaws of the Federation may only be repealed or amended by the vote of at least two-thirds of the voting members present at a general meeting.”

At closing plenary, the chair maintained her belief that the “two-thirds” was in reference to the total number of members who voted, not the total present.

When asked whether the national executive will be looking into the issue or would continue to stand by the chair’s decision to consider the motion adopted, National Chairperson Katherine Giroux-Bougard was unclear.

“The national executive actually hasn’t met following the meeting; our next meeting will be in January, so if there [are] any concerns, [they] would be brought up at that meeting,” she said.

While he declined to go into further detail in an interview, Haig did announce the possibility of pursuing legal action shortly before he and several other delegates walked out of the meeting after the “motion six” vote on Nov. 28.

Two motions dealing with media access to CFS meetings were submitted for consideration prior to the meeting. The first, written by Post-Graduate Students’ Society of McGill University (local 79), dealt with the media as a whole, but was withdrawn from consideration at opening plenary by the delegates themselves.

A motion proposed by Kwantlen that garnered some attention was the motion to further consultations and discussion with Canada’s other national student lobbying group, the Canadian Alliance of Student Associations. After its defeat was also recommended by the subcommittee, the motion failed to pass.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT THE KWANTLEN CAMPUSES

DEC

08

WHERE: Langley campus - Auditorium WHEN: 7:30pm WHAT: Former Kwantlen voice majors return to join the Kwantlen chorus in a fabulous concert of famous Opera Choruses and Arias.

DEC

08

Sushi explosion!

WHERE: Richmond Rotunda WHEN: 12:00pm - till the food runs out WHAT: The KSA is having its first ever day of Sushi. They will be offering a wide variety of sushi as well as hot green tea.

Best part = it’s FREE!

DEC

09

Green Wednesday’s WHERE: Langley campus WHEN: 7:00pm - 9:30pm WHAT: Come out for the screening of “Food Inc.” followed by a discussion of the agribusiness and it’s connection to food security.

DEC

09

Music @ Midweek WHERE: Langley campus - Auditorium WHEN: 12:35pm - 1:00pm WHAT: Come out and hear Kwantlen’s MadJazz Vocal Ensemble and Guitar Ensemble.

DEC

15

POLITICS

Music @ Midweek

KSA Council Meeting WHERE: Surrey Campus - KSA Office WHEN: 2:00pm

Reluctant Harper flip-flops, will travel to Copenhagen [KEITH MCLAUGHLIN] [MELIORIST ]

LETHBRIDGE, Alta. (CUP) – Late last week, the Canadian government announced that Prime Minister Stephen Harper would in fact be attending December’s United Nations climate change summit in Copenhagen, Denmark after all.

For weeks the prime minister and his staff have been suggesting that Harper would forgo making an appearance at the summit, which is expected

to draw over 65 leaders from across the world.

Harper’s abrupt about-face came on the heels of announcements from Washington and Beijing, that U.S. president Barack Obama and Chinese premier Wen Jiabo would attend the summit.

Harper has drawn criticism over the flip-flop, with some alleging that the prime minister’s commitment to international action on climate change has always been dubious and that he is only now planning to attend

the conference because Obama has committed to go.

Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff told the Toronto Star that Harper is only “following behind President Obama,” and that the Conservatives “do nothing for the environment until the last minute, and [then] they only do it for political reasons.”

World leaders and leading climate scientists will converge at Copenhagen for the climate summit that begins on Dec. 7 and ends Dec. 18.

WHAT: Hear what the KSA has been up to and have your opinions heard. Open to all students, staff, and faculty!

DEC

16

Final Exam Extravaganza Begins WHERE: All Campuses WHEN: Dec 16 onward WHAT: Start cramming because exam season has officially begun. But don’t worry, the light at the end of the tunnel involves turkey, and presents, and best of all sleep!

NEWS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page three

SCANDAL AT UBC

UBC students refuse to resign after UN complaints scandal Despite the controversy and complaints from the student body, AMS President and Vice-President refuses to step down [KASSANDRA LINKLATER] [NEWS EDITOR]

While a favourite pasttime of students is to complain about the rising cost of tuition, two students at the University of British Columbia’s student association, the Alma Mater Society (AMS), decided to take action.

AMS President Blake Frederick and AMS Vice President External Tim Chu, on behalf of the students of UBC, filed a complaint on November 25 with the United Nations.

The complaint, which was directed to the Office of the High Commissioner for Human Rights, argued that the Canadian and B.C. government has violated a human rights treaty by not ensuring that education is accessible to everyone.

The inaccessibility is based on the notion that both governments have failed to remove the finical barriers that stop students from receiving a university education.

In an interview with the Georgia Straight, Frederick commented that “there are a vast

range of stories of a number of students who because of these barriers have faced significant challenges just trying to attain an education. We believe that it is not appropriate for students to be denied education, and that’s why have filed the complaint.”

The complaint argues that Canada is violating Article 13 of the 1976 International Covenant of Economic, Social and Cultural rights which states: “Higher education shall be made equally accessible to all, on the basis of capacity, by every appropriate means, and in particular by the progressive introduction of free education.”

Despite the motives of Frederick and Chu, many students quickly became outraged at the complaint, especially since the complaint was filed without the approval of the council. In an emergency council meeting on Nov. 28, the AMS student council unanimously recalled the complaint and made a motion calling for the resignation of both Frederick and Chu, reported UBC’s student newspaper, the Ubyssey.

In a written response on the Ubyssey’s website, Frederick and Chu commented, “we filed the complaint without approval from AMS Council because we cannot continue to sit idly and break our promise to students by not standing up for their right to education.”

During the packed AMS

COURTESY OF GOH IROMOTO/ UBYSSEY

AMS President, Blair Frederick (shown above), has caused a media frenzy over the UN complaint that he filed on behalf of UBC students.

Council on Dec. 2, several students called for the resignation of both Frederick and Chu.

KWANTLEN COMMUNITY

One student passionately stated that the actions over the last few weeks have “done extreme damage to the name of the AMS and I don’t believe this should continue.”

Reactions were mixed on both sides, with one student commenting if the damage that was done was “debatable as it depends on what one’s opinion of what is proper ethical action,” and by calling for their resignation “would damage the credential of the AMS and UBC as a space for democratic debate.”

On Dec. 7, council will resume debate on the recall of Frederick and Chu. However, Frederick isn’t going down without a fight.

Accordin3g to an article on the Georgia Straight published on Dec. 3, Frederick “hasn’t ruled out taking legal action to stop the society’s council from removing him from office.”

He believes that the AMS should hold a referendum as, “Tim and I were both elected by students, and it’s only appropriate for us to be unelected by students.”

OPINION [MELISSA FRASER] [CULTURE EDITOR]

Some UBC students are outraged with Blake Frederick (see story to the left). But, I say, good for him. Frederick has created his own platform. He’s in the media now and he’s given himself the opportunity to to share his idea.

He’ll probably lose his job and there’s a good chance this little scheme will follow him for some time, what with employers checking Google nowadays.

But he also did something radical. He felt strongly enough about an issue to make a fuss about it. Had he asked the students of UBC if they wanted to file a complaint with the UN, they may not have supported him. Had he filed the complaint the conventional way, he would still be a nobody.

Instead he’s the guy that’s getting people talking not only about what he did but whether the complaint was valid.

IN BRIEF

Gang forum shows that there are still many Surrey buildings change names adversities facing the Lower Mainland [KYLE BENNING]

Kwantlen Polytechnic University’s Criminology department held a community forum on gang violence at the Surrey campus conference center on Nov. 3.

The forum showed Baljit Sangra’s documentary Warrior Boyz followed by a question session by a panel including Sangra along with social justice advocate Jadeep Mangat, head of the B.C. Integrated Gang Task Force, Supt Malo, Langara’s Sociology professor, Indira Prahst, Surrey Six Prosecution’s Wendy Dawson, Frankhurt Secondary School’s Vice-Principle Sukh Rai and councilor Marvin Hunt.

The forum was well attended with approximately 70 per cent of the attendees being Kwantlen students.

Sangra said that the forum was interesting and that there were a variety of people on the panel.

“We discussed a lot of different issues from various viewpoints so it turned into a really interesting discussion. There were a lot of really good questions that came out and I think everybody had something to say. It was a very informative panel and it wasn’t really onesided. There was a diversity of opinions, but I think that’s really good because these things are never going to be simple,” said the producer-director.

I got to sit down with the president of Vivamantra Films Inc. and ask her about the film.

“I made Warrior Boyz because I wanted to find out why

young people are caught up in gang culture. It has been an issue that has been going on in the community for 15 years and it hasn’t been decreasing, if anything, it has been increasing.

It has ended up in the suburbs and made its way to kids from middle class families. I wanted to know why it’s such an attractive option given that so many people have died as a result of it.

It’s an issue that has affected everyone,” said Sangra. “I wanted to do a film that shows some of the challenges that young people are going through today that makes this gang lifestyle an option.”

Sangra tells me what she has learned about the gang problem in Metro Vancouver as a result of all her research.

“It’s a very unique situation.

It’s not like New York or Toronto because most of the people come from middle class backgrounds and there are very many multicultural gangs. Gangs are everywhere, but if you look at it just in Vancouver, a lot of the kids are coming from middle class families; many of them are from the suburbs. If you were to compare it [gang life] from Vancouver to LA, it is totally different. There are so many gangs like the United Nations and Independent Soldiers who are very mixed.”

She explained why she chose to base the documentary in Surrey rather than the Lower Mainland as a whole.

“I chose to focus on a South Asian angle although it impacts all communities. It is an area

that is personal to me. I think that anyone from any culture can relate to the film. It is so surprising to see this in Surrey. The schools are nice, the neighborhoods are nice and kids live in these big houses in culde-sacs, yet some of them still idolize that gang culture. I have to emphasize that most kids are doing fine, but there are always kids in the class who are struggling and could go either way.”

Warrior Boyz aired on Global Currents earlier this year and has premiered at international film festivals in Miami, Toronto, LA, New York, Edmonton and San Francisco. The documentary was nominated for three Leos this year (best documentary, best directory and director of photography).

JESS DRISCOLL/FLICKR

[KASSANDRA LINKLATER] [NEWS EDITOR]

Starting this week the name of the buildings on Surrey Campus will change to names of trees that are indigenous to British Columbia.

The idea of name changes dates back to early 2009 when Kwantlen went through a process to choose new names for the buildings. It should be noted that the room numbers will not

be changed.

Building A will now be known as Arbutus, Building B will be Birch, Building D was renamed Fir, Building E is Spruce, Building F will be known as Yew, and Building G is Cedar.

Building C will now be known as Surrey Main.

For more information on the name changes check out http:// www.kwantlen.ca/about/campus_ info/surrey_campus/buildingnames. html

We need your words, pictures, attitudes and ideas. Need a referenece letter? Need a reference for a scholarship, job or program? Be a volunteer and weʼll help you out! All students from all backgrounds are needed to make this paper work, so please, donʼt hide.

For more information email: recruiting@runnerrag.ca

NEWS & POLITICS

page four | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

HEALTH AND WELLNESS

The effects of SAD on students A look into how Seasonal Affective Disorder plays a role in our everyday lives and how students can combat this disease [ANASTASIA KIRK] [TRAVEL BUREAU CHIEF]

It’s 7 a.m. on Monday morning.

The sky is still dark, the air is cold, the fog is low and the rain is pouring down. Welcome to winter in Vancouver.

Life seems miserable and pointless and all I want to do is roll over and go back to bed.

There’s an emptiness in the pit of my stomach that seems to grow larger with each gloomy day. It’s only November. By January I’ll be a dysfunctional wreck. From what I know of the disorder, I have a feeling I may be suffering from SAD. Seasonal Affective Disorder (a.k.a. SAD) is a mood disorder that affects many people in otherwise good mental health.

A type of clinical depression, SAD wreaks havoc on the emotional health of its victims.

But unlike common depression, SAD comes but once a year and affects only those who internalize the gloominess of long, dark winters. Unfortunately, living in Canada means we endure much longer, darker winters than most of the world, which leaves us with a lot of SAD people all

through this supposedly joyful season.

According to UBC Hospital’s Mood Disorder Clinic, approximately 2 to 3 per cent of Canadians suffer from SAD during the winter months, typically from November to March: That’s about 600,000 Canadians who dread the onset of winter each year. But according to Dr. Raymond Lam, medical director of UBC’s Mood Disorder centre, that’s not even the half of it.

“There’s a spectrum,” says Dr. Lam. “Just like any other form of depression, there are milder versions and then there are extremes. People with SAD are on the extreme end of the spectrum. What’s commonly known as the winter blues (or blahs) is a milder form of the disorder.”

Lam says an added 15 per cent of the population typically suffers from run-of-the-mill winter doldrums. So altogether more than one fifth of Canada feels less than festive during the cold winter months. I’m just one in a sea of miserable fish.

What’s worse, like any form of depression, not only does SAD take its toll on your mood,

it also affects your physical habits and health. While typical depression is usually associated with insomnia and loss of appetite, SAD seems to induce the opposite, causing sufferers to oversleep and eat more carbs, er which pack on pounds faster ps. So than most other food groups. soon I’ll be just one in a sea of miserable, fat, lazy fish.

Dr. Lam assures me that there is hope. “There are options available. Light therapy boxes are quite popular and cognitive behavioural therapy has been proven to work in some cases,” he says.

I’ve heard about these light boxes, and like many of my seasonally disconsolate friends, I have considered tanning in the winter to get the light and vitamin D I’m lacking in the dark months.

“Big no,” says Dr. Lam. i“There may be a psychologiight cal benefit to tanning, but light re. does not affect skin exposure.

It only works through the ely eyes…[and SAD] is not likely to be [caused by] a vitamin D

IN BRIEF

Kwantlen Co-op students gain valuable experience in China [KASSANDRA LINKLATER] [NEWS EDITOR]

Business students Taryn Gordon and Janna Rudetsky recently completed a co-operative (co-op) education work term at Fuyang No. 2 High School in China.

Both students found their experiences to be inspiring and stated that it was an opportunity of a lifetime.

While on their work term Gordon and Rudetsky worked as student ambassadors and teachers assistants. Their tasks included, according to the Kwantlen release, developing newsletters, preparing research reports, facilitating classroom

discussions, leading tutoring sessions, grading assignments and exams, and designing and implementing a weekly elective course.

Rudetsky stated in the press release, that the “international co-op gave me an opportunity to experience a different culture which exposed me to new ideas and helped me gain an international work experience.”

Gordon found the experience to be inspiring as well.

“This unique work placement provided an opportunity to mentor high school students in China about the preparation and skills required to be successful in university business degree

programs. As the first student ambassador of this partnership, co-op enabled me to demonstrate the leadership qualities I learned in my business classes,” Gordon stated in the release.

According to the release, “Kwantlen’s Co-operative Education program (co-op) integrates periods of on-campus study with periods of paid, career-related work experience.

It provides students with the opportunity to apply theoretical knowledge to on-the-job experiences.”

For more information about Coop at Kwantlen, visit: http://www. kwantlen.ca/coop

LETTER TO SANTA

Dear Santa: Give me the following things: - more natural resources to privatize.

- a case of California Wine.

- a new tax to spring on people.

- a fourth term as premier.

- five golden rings.

- more social programming to cut funding from.

Love: little Gordo.

MELISSA FRASER/THE RUNNER

deficiency, which we find in the sun’s UV rays…Light therapy boxes have UV rays removed.”

So now I’m one in a sea of miserable, fat, lazy, pasty-white fish. Thankfully, after speaking with Dr. Lam I am pretty

lift my spirits. But for others, no amount of holiday cheer can help suppress the sadness. Aside from seeking some form of therapy, they’ll just have to wait until next spring when the sun returns and the darkness fades to light.

If you think you may suffer from Seasonal Affective Disorder, visit www.ubcsad. ca” www.ubcsad.ca for information on the disorder and the treatments available. Light devices are also widely available without a prescription at most London Drugs and medical supply shops.

su ure I d o no n ot ha h hav ave ve sure do not have fu full l-b -bl blo loSPORTS STA I’ve ve m ostt os full-blown most SPOR SP ORSAD. OR S D. I’ like li keely y got got ot the th hee winter wiin inte terr blues blue bl uees and and likely it shouldn’t ssh houl ho uldn dn’tt ttake akee much ak much m oree or more tthan th han n a little lit ittle rum ru and eggnog to

An Ode to the Kwantlen Eagles [KELSEY DOCHERTY]

The Kwantlen Eagles are a peculiar bunch We’re a little team that packs a punch Nothing but zealous Our opponents are jealous We may get angry if you don’t feed us lunch.

Our team thrives on penalty kicks And we know how to groove to “Sexy Chick” We laugh a lot And our bond can’t be taught Our attitude? Tough as fish sticks.

Wake up in the morning feelin’ like P Diddy We see each other in the halls and get a little giddy Our colors: white and red Silver? We’ll take bronze instead.

It goes better with our outfits. Pretty.

Bicycle kicks and slide tackles are our thing After a game we smell like ginseng We play for each other Our competition we smother If we were a basketball player, we’d be Yao Ming.

We Eagles are known for our intimidation We love to play in the precipitation Our friendship is golden Our looks: hot as molten When you’re on a bus with us, make sure there’s ventilation.

Frusterated with the KSA? Interested in the innerworkings of the Senate? Wish there was more coverage on the success of Kwantlen students? Send tips and news story ideas to news@runnerrag.ca!

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

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vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page ďŹ ve

OPINION

page six | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

OPINION: BOXING DAY

Would you like a bit of capitalism with that?

All that holiday cheer just might be a cover for the true meaning of Christmas: Bottom lines and money [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

You open your presents Christmas morning and, while outwardly happy and seemingly thankful, the wheels are turning in your head: “I wonder how much store credit I can get if I return this heinous sweater grandma got me? I’m gonna buy a new dock stereo for the iPod I just got. I’m also gonna buy all the other stuff that I didn’t get today. I might as well, it is going to be boxing day. I better make sure I get up early to get my first picks.”

There are so many things wrong with this picture, and whether or not you want to admit it, it is likely that you too indulge in this type of capitalist thinking. Is it not enough to be happy with what you’ve already

received on Christmas? Must we be so concerned in getting not one of the latest gadgets, but ALL of them? Corporations prey on people who get caught up in this materialistic competition…. only, it’s a competition that cannot be won. Boxing Day

an “insane” deal on a new Mac laptop, obviously this is going to cause a stir. However, there’s only about five of these laptops available for purchase in the entire province and the main goal of corporations is not to sell you the laptop, it’s to get you to

松林Ｌ/FLICKR

“sales” are not in fact sales at all. The day is just bunch of a big hype created over a couple select items that people feel the need to compete for. If there’s

the store so that you can worship at the altar of consumerism.

And even if you do manage to get your greedy hands on a Mac laptop, you’re not going to leave

the store without purchasing a case, power cord, expanded memory, a mouse, games, speakers, and other various accessories – at full cost of course.

Moreover, people get caught up in the competition and spend far more than they normally would. They even make impulse purchases on the spot due to the pressure of hundreds of people everywhere clawing at the same goods. Store attendants have even died in past instances when they have been trampled by an enormous crowd of people running into the store.

Another sickening point is that companies advertise for Boxing Day in November, implying that obtaining the latest commodities is of utmost importance during this time of the year. Christmas is a corporate scam, however, it actually attempts to indulge the concepts of peace, family, religion, and kindness. Boxing Day is nothing more than a nefarious, ugly entity that represents the worst aspects of North American society.

The Runner is owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society Vol. 2, Issue no. 11 December 08, 2009 ISSN# 1916-8241 #205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6 www.runnerrag.ca EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor Denny Hollick editor@runnerrag.ca News Editor Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca Culture Editor Melissa Fraser culture@runnerrag.ca Media Editor Christopher Poon media@runnerrag.ca Production Editor Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca Bureau Chiefs: Arts & Design (Vacant)

OPINION: GIVING

EDITORIAL: THANKS!

Christmas isn’t the only holiday to give [ADAM VINCENT] [CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF]

It’s the time of year when people act jovial, while crushing their competition in mobs of shoppers, who need their 40 per cent savings or their world will end.

It’s the time when we’re thankful for all that we have and give goods that we don’t want - and will never use again, to the homeless and needy. Better than the garbage, right? We elevate our giving to bestow upon ourselves saintly status and gloat to others about our giving. Has the selfless spirit left? I don’t believe so.

There are shelters opened year round that help the homeless, the hungry and the downtrodden. Places like Crabtree Corner in East Van who, through the YWCA, provide housing, meals, parenting support, education and child care to impoverished women and their children. There are food banks in all cities that feed not only the homeless, but those who have lost their jobs due to our strug-

gling economy. There are also school programs at some B.C. and Canadian schools that ensure kids get the nutrition they need to assist in their development while at school.

Why is it that it is only in the month of December that we give these places any notice? We can donate year round when, can’t

MINDFUL ONE/FLICKR

we?

Donating in June may not get you your usual December “Saint of Donations” status, but to those who receive your anonymous gift, you will be a part of their life in an immeasurable way.

There are innumerable charities, check out: www.foodbank.bc.ca, www. ywcavan.org, and www.charitycharities.org/Canada-charities for where you can help year round.

Happy Holidays from us at The Runner [DENNY HOLLICK] [CO-ORDINATING EDITOR]

It’s been quite a year here at The Runner and things have been moving by quickly. We are almost coming up on our one-year anniversary, from our first issue (mostly just print with scribble on it) to something slightly more sophisticated (but mostly it just looks more visually appealing).

We have enjoyed the last year and it has definitely proven to be an uphill challenge, but as the new year comes, we expect things to get easier for all of us and for several awesome things to come along.

Over the next year we hope to continue to improve the quality of the paper and its content by listening to students voice what they would like to see out of their student owned independent news source. So far, students have been very receptive to the newspaper and have been participating actively.

We encourage you to continue getting involved by coming out

to our meetings every Friday, writing stories, letters, opinions and features for the paper, or even applying for a position here. We have opportunities for everyone no matter what your background - many of us are not journalism students. We even have work experience opportunities, and you might be able to make some extra cash.

To those who have been helping and contributing over the last year, we at The Runner would definitely like to give you a big high-five. The paper wouldn’t be half of what it is without you. We hope you stick around with us and continue to make the paper a success.

To those who have no idea who we are... shame on you. No high-five!

If you want to get involved with The Runner, please feel free to drop by our office, give us a call, or send us an e-mail. We’re an open bunch and we get to do some awesome things from time to time that I know you’re missing out on.

So seasons greetings, happy New Year, Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza and everything else that you might be celebrating. We’ll see you next year!

THE RUNNER NEEDS BUREAU CHIEFS We’re looking for students to fill specific positions at The Runner.

The Runner needs Bureau Chiefs to write about the environment, arts and design, politics, Langley campus, and a million other things!

Contact: editor@runnerrag.ca

Creative Writing Adam Vincent Current Events Natsumi Oye Entertainment Jeff Groat Environmental (vacant) Langley Campus (vacant) Politics (vacant) Sports Michela Fiorido Student Affairs Chris Yee Travel: Anastasia Kirk Contributors: Kyle Benning, Kelsey Docherty, Todd Easterbrook, Karen Ezra, Kristi Jut, Goh Iromoto, Jessica Pambid, Andrea Purvey, Kyle Slavin, Hayley Woodin, Melissa Wymenga Cover Art: Brianne Hemmingway BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca Office Co-ordinator Victoria Almond office@runnerrag.ca Distribution (Vacant)

OPINION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page seven

OPINION: DRINKING ON CAMPUS

Break out of your shell with a lil’ booze Kwantlen students appear to be missing flare - Maybe Kwantlen should invest in a bar to liven things up a bit, instead [TODD EASTERBROOK] [CONTRIBUTOR]

inter is upon us; the girls have shelved their skirts, and the guys, their obtrusive gazes.

The weather has made its unavoidable and malevolently depressing turn to death,, an dy that encroachment on the body I personally never seem to be ready for. Even when I have ile, been in its slew for a while, he I cannot bear to endure the beautiful decay without a fair skey spread of cigarettes, whiskey and Tom Waits records. Walking through the halls of our beloved oticuniversity, I have been noticing lately, more so than usual e, that since the weather change, llars the walls and support pillars are not the only docile, upright, silent objects on campus:: the es, and students—the stoned ones, —are not in a Bob Dylan sense—are ct reflecwalking the halls in direct side, tion of the big scene outside, they are cold.

Girls, this is not a bash on ys the you; I do not smile at guys way I do at your pretty mugs, but as I walked the halls today oon), (a stormy mid-fall afternoon), en, I smiled at various women, eived quite innocently, and received only mild half-hearted winces in return, or the dreaded ‘look away’ (guys you know the one). I immediately thought—knew—that something must have been wrong, something must have spooked them. I moved briskly to the washroom, expecting a clinger, a nasty little ball of dust or skin or whatever the hell boogers are made of,, clinging, for dear life, on his the tip of my nose. But this little friend was nowheree to be found. ‘Drat…’ I said to myself;

W

well, maybe it’s that blemish on my cheek, or better yet, maybe I have something in my teeth.

No… nothing there either. Well then, just what could it be?

What ghastly enterprise has made the students act this way?

I thought about this for a while as I read The Runner in class, and came, in all my earnest thought, to the only honest and desirable conclusion: the students at Kwantlen Polytechnic University are fucked…

So I thought a little more, and a little harder, as to why people here are so cold, so needlessly afraid to mingle, so fucked. As if fear has them muzzled and trapped in their own obscenities; afraid, even if it is just by a friendly humanizing smile. It dawned on me, then, and I realized the reason behind this: it must, most surely, no doubt about it, be the work of… the Devil!! No… that cannot be it. Perhaps rather, it is the way of this academic institution, and by that I mean the bare bones of just how this place functions.

Kwantlen is, in every respect, a very communal school, That is, students come and breathe and walk and study and listen and write and walk and drive home.

FOR

MORE

There isn’t really anything to keep them here beyond the mundane meandering of study.

But what could possibly make these fearful, quiet vampires ready for blood? The answer came to me then very clearly and as pure as hops, malt, and liquid azure: A bar!

Liquor! Booze! My friend! The ultimate un-inhibitor! The stuff that allowed Jesus and his boys to talk about other things besides God and martyrdom, things like carpentry and staves and lambs and those Goddamned oppressive Romans and just how in the fuck his mother could have possibly given birth to him while still being a virgin— you know, cool shit like that! And if wine or mead or whatever he drank is good enough for

INFO

the Son of God, it’s good enough for me! We need a bar! A bar on campus with real booze, not just bottled lager. A bar with a stage! A small stage even, where students can organize live music and poetry readings and standup; Jager bombs for the 19 year olds, martinis for the girly girls, Grey Goose for the gangsters, and whatever else is left for the rest of us. Damnit, I’ll even drink swag if I have to!

Just get us a bar, and lose that confounded upstairs cafeteria

EMAIL: RECRUITING@RUNNERRAG.CA

while you’re at it. Hmm, I see an idea forming here… and there’s a patio there already!

Let’s get people talking.

Let’s get people smiling. Let’s get people meeting each other.

Let’s get inebriated at school.

Let’s breathe some life into this stale campus. Let’s make this place less of a chore and more of a place to hang and mingle and discuss. Let’s get people involved… with alcohol. Let’s get a campus bar!

LETTERS TO SANTA

page eight | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

Dear S anta,

nta,

Dear Sa

ristmas st of Ch li y m n w dited do ons of I have e two seas t s r fi e h ven. cluding t y-Bake O s gifts, ex a E n a y and and irl, a pon G ip s s portance o G im e h t asize to emph In order item: ollowing f e h t f alling yo rom spir f necessit e f li y top m plug to s I need a e drain. down th tmas!

ry Chris

nd Mer nk you a

Tha

yley

Love, Ha

Dear Santa, All I want for Christmas is my two front teeth.

My dental plan fucking blows.

I thin k I’ve been a mean, pretty I thou ght I good g but yo was go irl th u neve od whe is yea r brou desper n I wa r. I ght me ately s s i t x, too h w at kit anted. litter , ty-sur Rememb of kit prise er? Th tens i I so e one n its that h Velcro Anyway ad a tummy? , it m u s t be n all th ice th e chim at you ney’s politi now, i can fit cally n down l c ieu of o rrect all… b becomi and lo ut to n s b g more i e ng the sellin honest g out. weight , I th i Y and nk you ou wer suppos ’re ki e joll ed to n y b d e a ! Also mom ha of nd tha , it’s ve the t’s th e way weird exact be rea it’s t same h hat yo l tigh andwri u and t. ting—y m y ou guy But ba s must ck to my poi past y n t : I’ve ear an d I’d been a a rewa really good g rd, I like s irl th would (with ome re is like a lesson cognit legiti s), an to hir i o n m . a d t As e 5-st maybe e me f ring b you co ull-ti like t a u m n l e j d ask . Oh, he Gho o The Ru and al st Whi show! nner so, I sperer Or you w ould r box-se could been a eally t. It’ finally sking s my f send m for, f avouri e that or the te kitty last 1 Is tha I’ve 4 year t a fa s . ir tra don’t de for have a my goo chimne could d beha y in m just l viour? y eave m apartm That’s I y ent, b p resent where ut you s in t the fa milk w he fire t-free ill be escape vegan waitin consci . cookie g for ous hy s and you, y pocrit But se soy ou now e!.... riousl health I mean y, I’m delici you’re leavin ous fo the be g od is f a touch t t st. y, hyd for th it. So rogena e rein don’t. ted, deer a nd you Yours can’t Truly, Kristi Jut

- Lil’ Vicky Almond ren Christian child Dear Santa, the good little l to al n ts he lis w h n is ai w ag long It’s that time writing out mile t ar st ld or w e from around th ver ick.

N nt as though I ne ai S d ol jolly hood it seems ild there ch , y se m ur at co ck season. Of ay When I look ba lid ho e th here much during System somew asked for too Entertainment o e nd th te ed in lu N va a ally would always be as I recall, I re t, bu t lis h is w y at the top of m brations. p on the Christmas cele r ou of y uld never slee on co m I hy cere w on as ily n was the re e yuletide fam Family traditio ticipation of th an ec.

D he r T fo e. g in Ev ng as at kept lo th y eve of Christm or em m g ld be a lastin gathering wou ily does though my fam as s 24 and 25. em se it d to dread changed an g year I start in ss pa But times have y er ev ith miliar. With g in common w not seem so fa e I have nothin us can’t ca I be t g bu in er ily ve my fam lo I , the family gath ng ro w e Don’t get m these people. e a new . that I would lik is relate to them ng yi sa am what I want ess what I questions like k as t So Santa, I gu n’ es do ily. One that married. extended fam m going to get I’ n he w the future or er t worry about no d an to do for a care t en om a family live in the m e past. I want th on I just want to g in ok lo ngue at the mily keeps t to bite my to an w t where as my fa n’ do I d y friends an that are like m d think me empathy an so ve dinner table. ha ld ou y... What me that I sh shoes. Empath ’s se My mom tells el ne eo m otions is like in so t feelings or em ou ab about what it re ca t n’ be yourself, thy? I do is difficult to It the hell is empa g. in or ns does not lieve in ce your audience n he and I do not be w e, m ht mama taug something else ly spend you enshrine. s and. I’ll probab st value the idea I re he w e party to w you know waiting for th om Well Santa, no ro d ol y m obliged. g guitar in would be much I this year playin t, ou e m lp u could he subside. If yo e world, urney around th jo fe sa a e av H n Deventer d underwear.

Matthew j. Va e new socks an m so e lik so al Oh! I would

To Sa To San nta n nt ta ta Cl Cla C llau au u us s,, s I do d n't t really believe in you, but that's okay, because no one believes in me. I wrote you a letter last year, but you never replied. I was the one who told you how I think I could help you out, making toys in the factory or something.

You never got back to me and now I'm writing you another letter. I am go ing to come up there an d find you and I will deliver the letter personally, so you have to write back to me. Why did you never reply? You didn't even give me a chance to explain myself. I bought a bottl e of vodka after that and put it next to my gun and stared at it just in case a letter came fro m the North Pole. But it didn't come. Fuck you, Sa nta. Why do people think you're such a great guy ? I think you're a piece of shit who never responds to his letters. Why did you never get back to me?

All I wanted was to make some toys.

Hope to hear back from you soon!

Jeff.

P.S. Thanks for the Xbo x, I left out some carrots for Rudolph.

HI Santa, I would like some fruit cake for xox CAT yelizarov

christmas.

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

LETTERS TO SANTA

Dear Santa;

that better economy a e m g in br I have Can you please I’m feeling like t? fi e se I at re I’ll share whe plying for jobs th ap en be e I’v at the plague in th e than qualified or m or ed ifi al qu e I’m either fully onses. I have th sp re no g in tt thing for, and am ge n, and the only io at uc ed e th icants skills, I have r of other appl be m nu e th ent is f that is of or ANY employm t, en m oy pl em er looking for bett ckage would be pa us ul im st e rg at all. One la kind). great (not that ulate the g funds to stim in gg lu ld re u’ yo While in a dash of wor ould ss to so al u yo ing “I w economy, could eens can stop us qu nt ge pa at peace so th tempts to gain at r ei th in e” peac that wish for world l as a new car el w as , oh ... es favour with judg the inside. doesn’t freeze on you of a realist, so if t bi a I’m , ta San amazing.

Hmm, you know r, it would be pe ra sc a e m t brough Thanks!

Your friend, Adam Hey Santa,

I know you get a ton of these letters everyday, and I know you don’t have a lot of time to read them in between the time you spend supervisi ng the elves and d “listening” to Mrs. Clause ’s constant nagging, so I’ll make thi s quick: I’d like a Sony HDR-UX20 AVC HD DVD Handycam with 2.7in LCD and 15x Opt ical Zoom for Christmas. Both my mom and my dad are assholes and won’t buy it for me. I’ve tried everything to make them understand how badly I want it, but they just won’t listen. Blackmail doesn’ t work, bribery doesn’t work – threateni ng to run my mom’s s cat Cuddles over with my Suburban doesn’t even work. If I don’t get the Sony HDRUX20 AVCHD DVD Handycam with 2.7in LCD and nd nd 15x Optical Zoom for Chr istmas, I will surely die.

If you do decide to give me what I want, please don’t mail it usi ng UPS. I want my y Christmas present on Chr istmas Day, not sometime in February.

If you decide not to giv e me what I want, may God have mercy on you r soul, Santa. If f you think your little elv es will protect you from my fiery wrath, you are dead wrong.

With love, Max Hirtz

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page nine

Dear Santa, I’ll be blunt. I hate Kwantlen’s Ric hmond campus. I hate everything about it. But the one thing I hate more than the Richmond campus is the Ric hmond campus during the summer semester. Please don ’t make me go back there.

Last summer I had the displeasu re of attending backto-back courses in Richmond. Se eing as I am enrolled in the ENTR program, I am for ever doomed to attend classes in Richmond. But last sem ester I quickly found out that I could forget about doi ng anything in the campus past 3 p.m., especially fi nding access to food.

Forget about using the library.

Forget about buying food from the cafeteria, which was locked half of the time. Forget about getting cold water from the KSA lounge, since it had a mind of its own and locked according to its randomized sch edule. I grew real tired of having to cart an entire day’s worth of food around with me. And of course, I had to make sure it was something that didn’t need to be microwaved, since I was playing Russian roulette wit h the chances of even having access to such a device.

On top of everything, all of the napkins and plastic cut lery were removed from the cafeteria, for fuck’s sak e! Who the hell does that?! I swear, someone will pay dearly if I have to search my car again for a dirty, disgusting fork stashed under the passenger’s seat and have to clean it off in the washroom with hand soap jus t to be able to eat my meal.

As it turned out, going off cam pus in search of food was just as bad. To be fair, I knew of this phenomenon from previous semesters. Yes, there are some pleasant sitdown-and-enjoy-your-meal places , if you have the time for that sort of thing. But what I was and still am after is the get-food-quickly-because -you-only-have-twentyminutes kind of place. And I’m not about to spend ten of those precious minutes walkin g to the food court in Lansdowne Mall. Oh yes, the foo d court. Now there’s a gem serving up rubbery, underc ooked, MSG-packed meat substance that will only ma ke you sick. At one point, I tried Subway, thinking ‘you can’t screw that up.’

I was wrong. Even Subway was fucking terrible.

You know, I can handle signing up for classes when all instructors are TBA. I can han dle the drive into Richmond from the farthest end of Surrey, even if it’s for a ridiculous one-hour group meeting. I can handle the airplane noise drowning out important sections of lectures. But the one thing I can ’t handle is Richmond during the summer semester.

Santa, I could go on and on. An d I’m aware that my level of whininess could put me up the re with Morrissey.

However, I am willing to forgo Christmas gifts for years to come in exchange for something that is six months away. I don’t care how you do it; just don’t force me to sign up for summer classes in Richmond.

So Santa, please, please, please let me get what I want.

(That last part is for Morrissey for being a good sport.)

Melissa Frustaci

page ten | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

CREATIVE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

POEM

POEM

Postcard

Snow Globe

[ANDREA PURVEY]

[ADAM VINCENT] [CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF]

Mail passes through the post office of a small northern town on the coast of the Canadian pacific, letters to young boys from home. The coarse cursive of a lover’s rushed words, inconsequential to most men in this town, meant for a sailor.

Torn edge, small corner piece, rough against the skin of my thumb.

I miss you.

We walked in the snow at night bundled up, hands glasped breath on the air sqeaking ice, styrofoam snow beneath our feet Obsidian nights waning moonlight inside our private snow globe nth degree of serenity

A reproduced watercolor, white steam boat and red smoke stacks, fade.

Just a little while now.

A stamp, moistened by his own lips, three cents worth, Olympic sprinter. Scalloped edges lifting.

Wait for me.

until someone shook it too hard Flakes stung our faces on razor wind Glass ball shattered around us

Orange ink from a teller’s mark, the date smudged and tarnished, July 18, 1923, Fountain City, Wisconsin.

I promise.

We, too, fell apart.

POEM

PROSE POEM

The Burning Ship And Then it Snowed [ANDREA PURVEY]

[MELISSA WYMENGA]

The ship burns, red embers floating on a surface of distorted mirror, fire ignited from water, hell rising to the surface. Black smoke billows blanketing the stars, closing in the ceiling, suffocating those who fight the call of the locker. The ship a skeleton, bones of wood and rivet extend above the burning abyss. Rigging like breathing organs extending fiery life, or a burning death, to all that the wind blows it to, setting ablaze the mass. The screams echo into the night until the ears of God can hear the men as they fall to hell, to a watery grave.

I waited, tired, So sleepy and cold The day was almost over, the air felt heavy and old I was alone and run-down the day had taken its toll Sadness crept in, and darkened my soul The sky was so dark, and no stars glowed a breath slowly intaked And then it Snowed.

PHOTOGRAPHY

My face looked up, with fanciful delight, What worries can exsist When snow falls in sight, Whimsy, and dreams My childhood regained A smile creeped across my lips Only Happiness remained.

PHOTOGRAPHY

MELISSA FRASER/ THE RUNNER

MELISSA FRASER/ THE RUNNER

DENNY HOLLICK/ THE RUNNER

CREATIVE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page eleven

SCI-FI

Shifting Ice: Kapilo At Midnight [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Chapter Three “Amber Mist, Brakksys-bred, just the way you like it,” the bartender said as he passed Vintis the drink. Vintis accepted it with a grunt and took a sip.

The bitter liquid had long ago become numb to its taste organs.

It passed its credit coin across the reader and nodded at the bartender.

“Thanks,” Vintis muttered.

The bartender sighed and retrieved Vintis’ other glasses for cleaning.

“You’re quite the creature of habit, Vintis,” the bartender remarked as he loaded the glasses into the sterilization unit. “This must be the third night you’ve come in here and dried my stock of Mist.”

“And you have an issue with this?” Vintis grumbled as it rubbed its head.

“Not really,” the barkeep replied, turning his eyes to face Vintis. “But then again, I’m not the one burning his pay with alcohol, am I?” The barkeep smiled, pulling the tendrils around his mouth out of place.

Vintis tried to emulate the expression.

“I’ve got a lot on my mind,” Vintis said to its glass. “This whole war, for one.”

“Ah, isn’t it exhilarating?” the barkeep interjected. “For the first time in five hundred years, my people are back on the field

of battle! It’s good practice for the afterlife, eh?” the bartender asked with an incredulous smile, his Izraal eyes glowing. Vintis closed its eyes.

“I had the same argument with a coworker today,” Vintis said. It took another sip.

“That would be Kyraa,” the bartender remarked. “She’s quite the specimen, eh?”

“I wouldn’t know,” Vintis grumbled. The bartender laughed and patted Vintis on the arm.

“I suppose not being Izraal does that,” the bartender winked. Vintis smiled and took another sip.

“Or a man,” Vintis muttered.

The bartender’s expression changed briefly to surprise.

“Really? You’re a woman?” the bartender remarked. “You know, I never really can tell with Zwitii. Other species? Eh, got them pegged. But you, you’re tough,” the bartender said with a slight chuckle, not hearing Vintis as it replied to his question with a discreet “no”.

“Yeah, tough,” Vintis mumbled as it tossed the half-empty glass back. The barkeep laughed and turned to serve another patron that had lumbered into the stool next to Vintis’. Vintis considered its glass, contemplating another round when the bar doors hissed open and the room became immediately quiet.

Vintis looked around; all of the patrons – all of them Izraal, save for Vintis – were staring at the doorway. It took Vintis a mo-

ment to recognize the immense form of a Pyryx standing there.

If Vintis could read the large alien’s bone-plated face, it would have recognized nervousness.

The alien lumbered slowly up to the bar, its eyes darting back and forth between the statue-like patrons. Vintis felt a nervous twinge spike up through its gut as the alien sat on its other side and quietly asked for a drink.

The bartender stood in front of the alien and narrowed his eyes.

“Why should I serve the enemy?” the barkeep asked loudly.

Vintis groaned.

“Jaxal, don’t do this now…”

Vintis whispered at the barkeep.

Jaxal ignored it. The Pyryx reared up slightly and ran a claw across the bony crest atop his head.

“I am no one’s enemy,” the Pyryx replied in a deep voice. “I am a traveler. I am thirsty.”

“I bet you’re all thirsty, aren’t you?” Jaxal replied for the benefit of the other patrons. Vintis discreetly slid off of its stool and tried to appear small as it tiptoed towards the door. The other patrons seemed to take no notice of it.

“Please, there is no war here,” the Pyryx replied. “I am no soldier. I have not come to fight.”

“Always talking about you,” Jaxal hissed as Vintis ducked beneath a patron’s legs and snuck as quietly as it could to the door.

“You are this. You want that. You never stop to consider others.”

“I have no quarrel with you…” the Pyryx stuttered. Vin-

tis tapped the door control.

“No,” a patron reared up, “but we have quarrel with you!”

With this angry shout, the patron threw a stool at the Pyryx. Vintis quickly jumped out of the open door as other patrons jumped at the immense alien, who screamed in anger and easily threw the light, nimble Izraal off.

Within moments, the bar was in chaos; patrons were clawing and jabbing at the Pyryx ashe attempted to fend them off long enough to withdraw his body into his protective exoskeleton.

Vintis ran for a nearby city-COM and jabbed its finger over the green emergency button.

“Kapilo security,” a polite male Jukkopo voice greeted.

“How may I direct your call?”

“My name is Vintis,” Vintis stuttered over an angry scream.

“I’m downtown in the capitol.

There’s a bar full of Izraal trying to tear a Pyryx apart!” Vintis informed the blank screen.

Before the voice could answer, the bloodied form of the Pyryx smashed through the bar’s window and crushed the COM, forcing Vintis to duck out of the way.

The body groaned and relaxed as angry cheers rose from inside the bar. Vintis gasped and ran down the street, fighting alcohol as it made its way back to the transit station.

“Last time I ever drink there,” Vintis muttered to the midnight moon.

To be continued...

PHOTOGRAPHY

JESSICA PAMBID/ THE RUNNER

DENNY HOLLICK/ THE RUNNER

DENNY HOLLICK/ THE RUNNER

page twelve | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

CULTURE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

RECIPE

ETIQUETTE

Behaving at the Xmas party Our guide on how to avoid making a fool of yourself at the company Christmas party, and remaining employed

Recipe for a Hot Toddy [KRISTI JUT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

It’s the end of your semester and your Pulitzer-Prize winning beer belly has expanded to the size of the snowman’s you built when you were 10. And now it’s the holidays, so you loosen your belt and let a little turkey sit right on-top of that beer gut. But wait, it’s too cold to drink beer now—and hot chocolate and Bailey’s just won’t cut your alcoholic tendencies. You need a real drink. You need a Hot Toddy.

Follow the recipe to enjoy a Hot Toddy for your (not-so) Hot Body!

Layer one teaspoon of honey in a tea cup.

1 2

Pour in an ounce (or two) of whiskey (substitute this for brandy if you want a more enjoyable taste).

Fill the rest of the cup with orange pekoe tea (if you want to get authentic about it, throw three whole cloves in boiling water).

3

Add a slice of lemon (again, if you want to enjoy it, use orange instead of lemon).

4

Mix then garnish with a cinnamon stick.

5

SHUT THE FRONT DOOR

Stop jingling my bells When those carollers come a’knockin’ you’ll need to know how to get rid of them [KYLE BENNING]

COURTESY OF MICHAEL HUMPHREYS

Just because you don’t remember anything about the company Christmas party doesn’t mean your coworkers won’t have pictures.

[CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

Two weekends ago I attended my first Christmas party of the year, and needless to say, I made a fool of myself. Not only did I drink more than I should’ve, but I ended up stumbling around Vancouver with a fellow drinking buddy, and somehow or other, ended up with a partially destroyed street sign, a half-eaten piece of toast, and a magazine with a picture of a goat on it.

I was due to meet some friends for lunch the next day, and did so, still wearing my nice-ish clothes from the night before, though my attire’s sophistication had been replaced with the crumpled, unkempt look of someone named Boxcar Bob. Looking back on my weekend’s exploits, I feel I have gained a wisdom of sorts that I will now share with you, so that you may avoid a similar fate.

First and foremost, and this is important kids, don’t get wasted: I know, I know, what better opportunity to stick it to your company than by getting trashed on their dime? That’s great, I agree completely. What you have to keep in mind is that while you may think it’s good form to discuss how attractive the boss’ wife is, or how Amy in receiving was appropriately placed, come Monday morning these things will come back to haunt you. No matter how drunk you think your coworkers and bosses are, they’ll always be

much less than you, and they’ll remember every thing you do or say.

Secondly, don’t try to take home a coworker: If there’s anything that TV or movies have taught you, it’s that intra-office romances are guaranteed to happen at the company Christmas party. What they don’t show you is the awkward rejection, the awkward aftermath for weeks afterwards and the overall division it creates at work. You may think that just because Billy didn’t bring his girlfriend to the party that he’s fair game. Wrong. After he’s thwarted your advances by pretending to take a call from his girlfriend, he’s going to tell everyone else in the office, and they’ll all have a good laugh at your expense. Don’t be that person.

Third, avoid talking about work: This isn’t nearly as bad as getting drunk and vomiting on your supervisor’s shoes, or trying to unsuccessfully hit on the intern, but don’t start talking to people about work. You spend god knows how many hours with these people, doing the same redundant tasks day-inday-out, and you most likely talk about work with them.

You’re at a Christmas party one time a year, so take this is an opportunity to do something a little different (but seriously, don’t get smashed). You’d be amazed at what kind of stuff people at work are into, or what they get up to in the few minutes they don’t spend at work.

Just don’t ask them about their sex life.

Fourth, do not double dip: Believe it or not, some people still don’t get it. Don’t double dip. Nobody wants to dip their appy in the remnants of your saliva. I don’t care how much you brush your teeth, how clean and fresh your breath is, or how you’ve never had gingivitis.

Once you take a bite, that food is tainted. Besides, you know that dirty guy in accounting who you suspect has oral herpes?

Well he certainly does. And now you do too.

Fifth, dress somewhat appropriately: Keep in mind that these are still the people that you work with, so it may not be the best idea to show up wearing a low-cut, backless dress. Sure you may attract the attention of that special someone in sales, but you’ll also draw the eye of everyone else. Come Monday morning, everyone at the office will be looking at you strangely, and smirking. Awkward.

Finally, just do whatever the hell you want: You know what? Disregard everything I said previously. I actually had a damn good time at my first Christmas party of ’09 and I want you to as well.

Get drunk, hit on everything in sight and talk smack about every little thing at work that bugs the shit out of you. Here’s a tip, discuss this exact article and how much of your hard-earned free time it just wasted.

It is that time of year where love and happiness are in the air. Yes, Christmas is on the way already and it seems like just yesterday you threw those carollers off of your driveway.

I know how you feel, you love spending time with you family and friends during the last few weeks of December, you just wish that the people who didn’t get through the first round of Canadian Idol weren’t on your doorstep.

We all know they are coming, but not many of us know what to do when they knock on the door. So I have developed some techniques to get rid of the people who feel like they need to show how happy they really are.

The obvious, don’t even approach the door and pretend like you’re not home (even though you have the TV volume as loud as a concert).

If the knocking continues, then just simply shout out “No one is home!” If they can’t get the message this time, you must

declare war on these eager singers.

Since you can’t stop the knocking, you have to confront it and do something to get it to stop. One plan that I created is to open the door and begin listening to the singing. Pretend to have a look of delight on your face as if you are enjoying their music. Then put a big smile on your face and close the door slowly. Rudeness is something that carollers cannot stand.

If you feel like being a little more reckless, here is my master plan.

In Canada and the US, it is not unheard of for carollers to be treated with hot cocoa. So why not make a batch, just to screw around with your happy-golucky neighbours. Offer them some cocoa and watch them drink it. After they have taken the first sip, let them know you may have urinated in it (it is up to you whether you actually want to do it or just bluff). I can guarantee they won’t come carolling on your doorstep next year.

SANBEIJI/FLICKR

Is there a reason why carollers need to try and spread their good will and happiness?

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page thirteen

TWILIGHT REVIEW

New Moon great movie for pedophiles The latest installment of Twilight has two of our reviewer’s favourite things: campy dialogue and shirtless werewolves [VICTORIA ALMOND] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Now, I’m probably not The Twilight Saga’s target audience, firstly because I hear Stephenie Meyer’s books (upon which they are based) are awful, and secondly because I firmly believe that no man should ever sparkle unless he’s David Bowie. I’m pretty sure that all I had in my favour was the absence of a Y chromosome and a fondness for camp. Also, I like movies with nice cinematography, and (crappy CGI werewolves aside) New Moon is a very pretty looking movie.

Kristen Stewart reprises her role as Bella, a self-absorbed, depressive teenager willing to give up her soul for a creepy guy about a hundred years too old for her. Robert Pattinson returns as her Doucheferatu-- I mean Edward Cullen-- and is still as glum as he is sparkly. They retain their signature awkward conversations, and even brood intensely at each other in a sombre field of flowers in a dream sequence that feels like it’s from the most depressing Bollywood movie in the world.

That said, New Moon was a lot of fun. I saw this movie how it ought to be seen: In a packed theatre full of mostly female Twihards who were clearly hav-

ing a good time. The place had a festive and cultish atmosphere reminiscent of a Halloween screening of The Rocky Horror Picture Show, except that instead of doing the Time Warp, the audience was giggling at Taylor Lautner’s muscles and (in the case of the sizable adult contingent) having unsettling thoughts about American age of consent laws.

Speaking of Team Jacob...

Lautner is back as Bella’s friend Jacob, a likeable, well-adjusted sixteen-year old gearhead with a whole lot of Native pride. He has also developed a borderline superhuman musculature since the last movie, has a crush on our heroine, and is for some reason perpetually shirtless. Many critics have called his performance flat, but I’m ashamed to say I didn’t notice.

I know this makes me a bad person, but dayum! Why didn’t guys look like that in my high

school?

He also becomes Edward’s romantic competition when Edward quite sensibly dumped Bella for her own safety because, you know, he’s a vampire. As

plained half-nakedness, it’s not a gay thing. The secret is.... (ah, the trailor spoiled it anyway)....

Jacob is a werewolf! Is he the one who’s been eating all those hikers?

The movie works best in its first half when it focuses on Bella as an angsty teenager and the cast of characters surrounding her. Rather than correct the stilted line delivery that Stewart and Pattinson gave in the original Twilight two years ago, director MELISSA FRASER/ THE RUNNER Chris Weitz Bella is left to stew in her own seems to run with it. Stewart depression, Jacob is the only and Pattinson’s love dialogue one who can cheer her up. After has such bizarre pacing that I much audience confusion as would almost call it Shatnereto why Bella is so reluctant to sque, and the supporting charachit that, we see Sam (Chaske ters try to out-awkward the two Spencer) eerily beckoning him leads with deadpanned comedy. to join his gang. They have a Billy Burke is hilarious as Bella’s dark secret about who they are gruff, lumberjack father, and and what they do together, and Anna Kendrick’s bitchy chatdespite their constant unextiness as Bella’s friend Jessica

is a nice foil. It gets hard to tell where the humour is intentional and where it isn’t, but who cares if we’re all laughing?

The second half of the movie is more epic, more action-centred, and less fun. It’s hard to see Bella and Edward’s love as tragic and beautiful: We’ve already seen it turn Bella into an emotionally deranged, selfdestructive girl having constant nightmares, but clearly we’re supposed to be rooting for their reconcilliation. However, we do get to see some vampires fighting werewolves, which is pretty cool. We also get introduced to some amoral Italian vampires that like to eat tourists. Michael Sheen is wonderfully campy as a sort of Vampire Archbishop or whatever the heck he is, and Dakota Fanning makes the most of her small role as his creepy minion.

Overall, I’d have to say that this movie has some really creepy ideas about gender roles, and I wouldn’t want to show it to any preteen girls without a long talk about how to spot a controlling boyfriend. However, it’s an excellent movie for giggling at some fine camp and leering at the jailbait. If you’re willing to do that and not feel bad about yourself, this is the movie for you.

THE ROAD

Book to movie, does The Road deliver?

Nope [HAYLEY WOODIN]

The movie The Road does not smoothly pave the way from book shelves to the big screen.

The 18A movie is based on the Pulitzer prize-winning novel

by Cormac McCarthy, also the author of No Country for Old Men. It takes place in a post-apocalypse setting, where humans are a dying race and food is a non-renewable resource. With this in mind, gang warfare, cannibalism and Holocaust-esque scenarios inevitably ensue.

The story follows Viggo Mortensen and his onscreen son as they travel south across what remains of the Earth in an attempt to reach the coast and a warmer climate.

Not having read the book, I found that the movie displayed all of the elements of a good piece of literature: vivid descriptions, dynamic and multidimensional characters and philosophical discussion. It definitely makes you think.

The only problem with the movie however, is that it is not a piece of literature.

The Road as a movie just didn’t cut it.

It is beautifully acted, and there is no doubt that The Road will and should receive some Oscar buzz—the Academy Awards do love, after all, the terribly depressing and heartwrenching films that offer insight into the dark depths of the outskirts of humanity.

Apart from making you regret not having bought popcorn in order to have something to do, the film forced you to think how far you would be willing to go and what you would do in order to protect yourself.

And these thoughts bring you back to cannibalism and concentration camps where men and women are being kept alive merely as a source of food, making you realise that it may have been a good idea to not have bought the popcorn after all.

It was slow and boring. The Road’s plot developed like that of a book, making for a wellwritten movie with limited entertainment value.

So if you are looking for a way to harsh your buzz, burst your bubble or cap off a date that you didn’t think could get any worse, I would strongly recommend going to see The Road.

Yep [ADAM VINCENT] [CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF]

The Road, currently in limited release, follows the story of a man and a boy who are travelling south in a post-apocalyptic setting that is never specified.

The story is based on Cormac McCarthy’s 2006 Pulitzer Prize winning novel of the same name, which was also selected as an Oprah Book Club pick (though I cannot see many of our mothers getting into the dark themes of the tale).

As far as a comparison to the novel goes, the film has all of the major plot points of the novel. It also does a good job in creating the ambiguous characters from the vague content of the novel and bringing them to life on the big screen. The movie is slow, yet deliberate, and leaves you wondering what will happen next, even if you have read the novel. The tone of the movie is macabre from the onset and the story avoids the majority of cliches common with apocalyptic and post-apocalyptic stories.

What you will not get from this film is the same level of fear and the uncomfortable feeling that you get from the novel. The

absolute disjointed feeling is not there. You can find comfort at times during the film. There is a definite post-apocalyptic feel, and some fear for the protagonists’ survival, but it does not have the same trepidation that the novel has. In the movie, you can see what is happening, as opposed to getting McCarthy’s writing where a slight sound is heard or something very vague is seen from the corner of a characterís eye.

Viggo Mortensen’s performance is Oscar worthy. His subtle, yet moving representation of a man who is trying to keep himself, and his son, alive in a world where death seems imminent is powerful. Newcomer, Kodi Smit-McPhee, plays the contradiction of weak, yet strong and helps to propel the story forward- an incredible first showing for this young actor.

Charlize Theron, Robert Duvall and Guy Pierce also have roles in the film, though you will have to see the film to learn about their characters. This well casted cinematic experience and powerful story may even be worthy of a Best Drama Oscar- there is buzz amongst many critics who have embraced this adaptation.

This film is an incredible embodiment of a novel that becomes personal to each reader. McCarthy’s novel forces you to create your own post-apocalyptic setting, your take on the characters and their nuanced speech patterns, as well as your own assumptions about their world. This film is John Hillcoat’s vision of the novel, and is an impressive one to say the least. Subtle, dark, thought provoking. A great adaptation.

A must see.

page fourteen | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

CULTURE

MOVIE CULTURE

BEST AND WORST MOVIES OF 2009 [KYLE SLAVIN CONTRIBUTOR]

BEST

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

GROAT IN THE SACK

Eggnog, oral sex and the office party hook-up This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

The Road It’s been a long time since I walked out of a movie wanting to rewatch it again – not for clarity’s sake, but because it was stimulating on every possible level, which made for an incredible showing. The Road was such a movie. Unquestionably my favourite movie of the year, I have gained a new respect for Viggo Mortensen and there’s no doubt in my mind this will receive Oscar nods in 2010 for acting, visual effects and best film, at the very least. I hadn’t read the book of the same title by Cormac McCarthy, but I have every intention to do so when I can get my hands on a copy of it. An absolutely beautiful film in every respect, The Road tops my list for the best film of ’09.

Up! Pixar can do no wrong; I’m pretty sure that’s been written in the Hollywood rulebook somewhere. Since Finding Nemo in 2003, Pixar is the studio that’s been steadily putting out the most well-rounded films (they do put out only one movie a year though). Up! was this year’s entry of animation genius and it doesn’t disappoint. Visually orgasmic, a storyline that pleases and entices young, old and all of us in between, Up! raises the bar yet again combining an amazing story and amazing acting with amazing animation. Toy Story 3 is their venture. I have no doubts it’ll be their most lucrative film to date, but a huge amount of the Pixar reputation is riding on its success. Let’s hope – and that’s not much of a stretch – for yet another cinematic slam-dunk.

Inglourious Basterds For the second week in a row, I must commend Quentin Tarantino for Inglourious Basterds. Arguably the least accurate World War II film ever, after a couple viewings, my mind has already accepted the whole story – yes, every part of it – as fact. And once again, a specific commendation to Christoph Waltz who carried the entire movie and is really the sole reason Basterds has received such positive press.

As a side note, Waltz is now my personal frontrunner for the next villain in the Batman franchise; if he can drop the accent he’d make a perfect Edward Nygma (The Riddler). In Basterds, he plays the ruthless unflinching Jew Hunter with unbelievable conviction that I think he could play the bipolar Bat Hunter as eerily straightfaced. Either way, Basterds is Tarantino at his best, maybe even better than his best.

WORST Transformers 2 I knew it was going to be terrible. The critics all said it, the poor souls who waiting hours in line to watch the midnight showing all said it, even the idiots (like myself) who heard from those people that it was a terrible movie all said it, and yet I still went out, rented it and wasted 2.5 hours sitting through this terrible excuse of a movie. It was a complete and utter waste of time. The only thing it had going for it was the visual effects, which will probably earn the film an Oscar nomination, if not a win, but that in itself isn’t worth the effort it takes to sit through. Really, I can’t say enough to encourage you to not see this movie. Go in with unbelievably low expectations if you really want to watch it, and you’ll still be shocked at how terrible it is.

District 9 How does a movie that is so poorly written, and breaks every rule of character and story development receive so much praise from film critics? I don’t understand that, because District 9, although it wasn’t a bad movie on the whole, was a bad movie. The film incoherently jumped back and forth from being a mockumentary to a drama, but it wasn’t a technique used to the story’s advantage – it was just sloppy writing to progress the hole-riddled plot. And the protagonist, in an attempt to show character development, went from one end of the emotional spectrum to the other at the drop of a hat with almost no motivation for it. It had so much potential when it started, but it just didn’t live up anywhere near the hype or standards that I expected.

Where the Wild Things Are How can you still love something and be so disappointed in it at the same time?

I guess when I have a child who breaks an heirloom lamp or fails a math test I’ll understand. For now though, I have to settle with Where the Wild Things Are – a truly beautiful movie that followed and furthered the themes Maurice Sendak created in his book but there was so much that had to be created to give it a plot, it didn’t seem all that much like Where the Wild Things Are. And when you’re emotionally invested in a movie based on a book that had a recurring role in your childhood, it’s a hard pill to swallow. I walked out in awe of how great it was and how well Spike Jonze did transforming a short book into a two-hour film, but all said and done, it wasn’t really the film I was hoping for.

[JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

Christmas (X-mas or Sex-mas), is a time of giving and receiving oral sex.

It’s also a cold, dark time of year when passionless sex with your coworkers is likely to take place.

Who hasn’t lusted over the awkward, unattractive receptionist who makes all those inappropriate remarks about spanking you and shaving her legs? Is she kidding?

Well, after a few Dixie cups of spiked punch or rum-and-eggnog, it’s likely you are heading back to her complimentary hotel room after the work Christmas party.

This kind of sex is a little like your first time with a prostitute.

It’s dark outside, you’re both drunk, and she starts doing things to you that you’re used to having to pay for.

I know office christmas-party-sex is really no way to fight the loneliness that we all seem to feel at Christmas time, but there’s something to be said for convenience.

THE PRODIGAL [JOVAN ZIMZOVSKI EXCAL]

Although when Monday morning comes, you may be hiding in your cubicle or at the back of the warehouse, trying not to make eye contact with anybody, and hoping that no one saw you both duck out of the boss’s speech on leadership.

I’d say it’s just all-round bad-form to engage in these activities with anyone from the office, regardless of their looks or “skill-set.”

Even if you do get a chance with that stunning blonde receptionist, you know that every other guy in the damn building has eyes for her and would not let up on giving you grief should they find out.

Sure, that situation would be amazing fun, a gift you might say, but the whole office thing just leaves the door wide open for terrible consequences.

Even if you’re an unrealistic optimist like me, let me ask you, would you really want to be at work and in that awkward starting out phase of a relationship, at the same time?

Learn from my mistakes, you don’t at all want to be known as “that guy who messed around with uni-brow-from-up-front.” e-mail questions: culture@runnerrag.ca

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 11 | December 08 2009 | page fifteen

ART & LIT - CHRIS NYARADY (BRUNSWICKAN/UNIVERSITY OF NEW BRUNSWICK)

HOROSCOPE CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19

You’re a little bit impatient. It’s mostly because you’ve been wearing those same shoes for days

AQUARIUS Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21 If you can knit a perfect sweater in three days or less, you’ll get two gold stars and one high-five.

In a past life you were probably a buffalo or a couch. Or perhaps a buffalo turned into a couch.

PISCES Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

Someone is playing hard to get, but all it’s doing is annoying you. Forget them, eat ice cream instead.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

You have the energy to do nineteen back flips but you don’t know how to do back flips, so just rest.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

Take something that isn’t yours.

There’s no need to hide the evidence. They won’t understand.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

Get a goat to scratch your back.

Then scratch the goat’s back. Then take a nice long nap together.

CANCER June 21 - July 22

You feel like a warm flakey pie crust. Share those feelings with your best friend and your bus driver.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Your focus from here on out should be retirement and making sure you own one hell of a big boat.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Don’t go anywhere. Your friends will miss you like they miss platters of muffins and chicken strips.

SCORPIO

Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

If you give someone a bowl of soup you will receive two bowls of soup in return. This is not a metaphor.

Don’t buy anything. Ask the shop keep politely and chances are you’ll get everything you want.

Using ‘Holiday’ in lieu of ‘Christmas’

AVIXYZ/FLICKR

In this day and age, poltical correctness is all the rage. The last few years have seen the decline of the term ‘Christmas’ being used to describe this time of year, and ‘Holiday’ being shoehorned into its place. Screw that. We have Christmas parties, put up Christmas trees, and go Christmas shopping. in 2006, a Christmas tree at a Toronto courthouse was taken down due to complaints that it may be offensive to some people, discounting so many years of tradition. If you don’t like it, go suck a pair of jingle bells.

CHRISTMAS FACT: THE ORIGIN OF SILENT NIGHT Silent Night was written in 1818, by an Austrian priest named Joseph Mohr.

He was told the day before Christmas that the church organ was broken and would not be prepared in time for Christmas Eve. He was saddened by this and could not think of Christmas without music, so he wanted to write a carol that could be sung by choir to guitar music. He sat down and wrote three stanzas.

Later that night the people in the little Austrian Church sang “Stille Nacht” for the first time.

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page sixteen | December 08 2009 | vol. 2 issue 11

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

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february 8 – 11, 2010 Cloverdale Campus: Monday, February 8 & Tuesday, February 9, 11:00am – 4:00pm Surrey Campus: Monday, February 8 & Tuesday, February 9, 10:00am – 7:00pm Richmond Campus: Wednesday, February 10 & Thursday, February 11, 10:00am – 7:00pm Langley Campus: Wednesday, February 10 & Thursday, February 11, 10:00am – 7:00pm

For more information and the full list of elected positions, visit

www.kusa.ca/election

Chief Returning Officer | Fred Schiffner

Office: 604.943.0522 | Cell: 604.786.2512 | Email: fschiffner@dccnet.com