Vol. 2 Issue 12 by The Runner

NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

DECADE IN NEWS P 03-05

TEN YEARS OF TECH TRENDS P 07

TOP ALBUMS OF THE DECADE P 08

LADY GAGA P 10

VOL. 2 ISSUE 12 | JANUARY 12 2010

page two | January 12 2010 | vol. 2 issue 12

NEWS & POLITICS

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS - WHAT’S HAPPENING ACROSS CANADA

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

Our voices are desperately needed New Democratic MP Niki Ashton explains the importance of youth involvement in today’s political arena [EMMA GODMERE]

[OTTAWA BUREAU CHEIF]

OTTAWA (CUP) – At 27, Niki Ashton is the youngest female member of Parliament sitting in Canada’s House of Commons. The post-secondary education and youth critic for the NDP first ran for federal politics in 2006, but won a seat in October 2008 when she garnered 47 per cent of the vote to beat Liberal incumbent Tina Keeper. What motivated her to run in the first place, at the young age of 24? “Outrage,” she laughed. “And really, the concept of justice.” “I come from a part of Canada – well, much like a lot of Canada – whose story is never in the mainstream. I come from a mining community surrounded by First Nations [communities]. Some of them have the highest rates of poverty in Canada, third-world living conditions.” Ashton represents the northern Manitoba riding of Churchill. Taking into account her constituents, her caucus critic portfolio, and her own age, Ashton considers herself to be one of the few voices actively shedding light on youth issues in Parliament. “In the House of Commons, I find that the experience of young people in general is never heard,” she explained. “The voices of young people aren’t represented the way they should be.”

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

NIKI ASHTON/FLICKR Canada’s youngest MP says she thinks it’s important young people get involved.

“I think it is incumbent on us to speak loudly on what we feel strongly about. I think, though, we need to express that not just through different forms, but also through participating in the mainstream electoral system.” Voter turnout rates have been historically low among young Canadians. According to a March 2008 report released by Elections Canada, only 43.8 per cent of eligible voters aged 18 to 24 made it out to the polls. Some claim that while many Canadians may suffer from it – as voter turnout among Canadians have been on a steady decline over the last few years – youth are the biggest victims of voter apathy. “I always challenge the idea that young people are apathetic, because all you need to do is go on your Facebook home page and realize that young people feel very strongly about a lot of

issues. Maybe not all the status updates are that,” she jokingly added. However, she said, “we do know what’s important to us – but there’s a disconnect that takes place [between when] we’ve said what’s important to us, and representation.” The young MP said that more needs to be done to engage youth in the decisions that are made on Parliament Hill in order to provoke them to head to the polls. “A lot of young people say, ‘What’s the point?’ and I see that frustration when I sit in the House and issue after issue, never hear what its impact is on young people, never hear the story of the next generation.” This, she said, leads to the creation of policy that doesn’t reflect the needs of young people.

CUP CARTOON - DARTH AND LUKE COMIC

JAN

13 2010

Green Wednesday: Good Food WHERE: Langley campus WHEN: 7:00pm - 9:30pm WHAT: Watch the movie “Good Food.” The documentary takes a look at farmers and business people that are creating a more sustainable food system in the Pacific Northwest.

JAN

14 2010

Free Yoga WHERE: Langley campus WHEN: 12:30pm - 1:30pm WHAT: It’s not everyday you get a free yoga session. Take advantage of Kwantlen recreation’s offer.

JAN

19 2010

Music Department Open House WHERE: Langley Campus - Room 1305 WHEN: 6:00pm WHAT: Interested in becoming a part of Kwantlen’s music department? Stop by the info session and find out how you can score a spot.

JAN

19 22 2010

H1N1 flu shots WHERE: All Campuses WHEN: check website - www.kusa.ca/ship WHAT: Health authorities highly recommend the immunization of all people as there is a high potential that another H1N1 Infection spike will occur. We highly suggest taking advantage of free vaccines.

ALAN PIFFER/ NEXUS

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS - WHAT’S HAPPENING ACROSS CANADA

UBC student union execs avoid being recalled [SAMANTHA JUNG] [UBYSSEY]

VANCOUVER (CUP) – After a tense few weeks, the president and vice-president external of the University of British Columbia’s student society have kept their jobs – though with heavy restrictions. The two UBC Alma Mater Society (AMS) executives were

on the brink of removal from office after filing a human rights complaint to the United Nations at the end of November regarding accessibility of education in Canada. They had neglected to approve it with the society’s council beforehand. Councillors voted unanimously in favour of asking Frederick and Chu to resign at an emergency AMS council

meeting on Nov. 28, but the two opted to stand their ground. On Dec. 7, at the third meeting of the AMS council in a two-week period, President Blake Frederick and VicePresident External Tim Chu were censured, stripped of their decision-making abilities and asked to submit weekly reports of their hourly activities.

JAN

23 2010

Leadership Conference: Unleash Your Potential WHERE: Surrey Campus - Conference Centre WHEN: 9:00am - 5:00pm WHAT: Hosted by Student Life and Development, everyone is welcome to take part in unleashing their own potential. Get tickets and more info at http://www.kwantlen. ca/sld

FEATURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

The 2000s, for a lack of a coined moniker, was a decade that will not soon be forgotten. It was filled with moments of hope - Obama’s victory speech in Chicago, moments of terror – the fall of the twin towers, and moments of equality - Canada becoming the fourth country in the world to legitimize same-sex marriage. On the economic front, Marshall McLuhan’s famously coined phrase,“GlobalVillage,”came to fruition for good and for bad.

YEAR: 2000

Industrialized nations attempted to capitalize on ‘free-trade’ and globalization became all the rage. Communication, through the rise of social networking sites like Facebook and Enternexus (admit it, everyone loved Nexopia), became king and gave rise to new media.The thoughts and views of the individual became popular this decade, with TIME magazine naming “YOU” the person of the year in 2006. The financial industry crashed and the

vol. 2 issue 12 | January 12 2010 | page three

world woke up to the idea that the ‘Great Depression’ could happen again. It has since been reported that laughter can be heard from John Kenyes’ grave. To celebrate the decade of our birth, we, at the Runner, have decided to provide you, our dear readers, with a decade in review-of sorts. Please enjoy!

YEAR: 2001

YEAR: 2002

Corporations take a tumble.

The bug that never came: Y2K

“THE CORPORATION IS AN EXTERNALIZING MACHINE (MOVING ITS OPERATING COSTS TO EXTERNAL ORGANIZATIONS AND PEOPLE), IN THE SAME WAY THAT A SHARK IS A KILLING MACHINE.)” - ROBERT MONKS, CORPORATE GOVERNANCE ADVISOR AND PUBLICAN CANDIDATE FOR SENATE

“ARMY FEARS CIVIL CHAOS FROM MILLENIUM BUG: ARMED FORCES GEARING UP TO DEAL WITH CIVIL CHAOS” - GLOBE AND MAIL The gearing up for the new decade came with plenty of uncertainty and woes. People around the world were preparing for what was in the minds of some considered the beginning of the end: Y2K. The premise of the Y2K bug was based on a simple programming mistake that existed in many computers. When computers were first developed, programers thought it was easier to represent the year of a date with two digits, such as ‘99, as opposed to the full format of 1999. When the year 2000 was to come around, computers were programmed to change to the year ‘100 (representing the year 19100), which in many cases resulted in catastrophic errors. Around the world rumours and news transpired claiming that bank records would be lost, electrical systems would fail, and hundreds of other issues would result. Governments and their people worried of potential civil chaos if anything did happen. Prior to Y2K occurring, millions of people who were in fear of losing money in their bank accounts lined up at banks around the world in hopes of withdrawing their life savings. As a result, economists were worried that too much cash would be circulated in to the market at once, causing an economic meltdown. Anxieties were high. To many, the year 2000 represented an apocalyptic event. But governments and organizations around the world had made many preparations to correct and Y2K issues on almost all computer systems. On Jan. 1, 2000, at 12 AM, everyone was still alive, and the power was still on. The end. - Denny Hollick

The day Osama changed the world “FREEDOM ITSELF WAS ATTACKED THIS MORNING BY A FACELESS COWARD. FREEDOM WILL BE DEFENDED!” - GEORGE W. BUSH On Sept. 11, 2001 the world that we knew changed dramatically from a single event that took place at 8:46 AM in New York City. Nearly 5000 km away from Vancouver, a lone airliner jet crashed into one of the World Trade Centre buildings without warning. Almost immediately, every news channel in North America was broadcasting the same thing. Millions of people around the world watched as the first tower burned hopelessly. Soon, and on live television, a second airliner crashed into the remaining tower. People watched in shock as it became apparent that this was no accident, but a clear attack on US soil. Several other events transpired, including the two other hijacked airliners, one of which crashed into the US Pentagon, and the other which was flown in to the ground in rural Pennsylvania. In all, 2,973 victims and the 19 hijackers died as a result of the terrorist attacks that day, and the term “terrorism” would become a term used in day-to-

day language. The consequences following that day were equally as monument as nearly 7000 FBI special agents began investigating along with the help of thousands from agencies around the world. It was also the day that “Osama Bin Laden” became a household name. The motives of the attackers were found to be a directive handed down by Al-Qaeda, and written by Osama Bin Laden stating that it was “the duty of every Muslim” to “kill American’s everywhere,” in following his statements on how “For more than seven years the United States has been occupying the lands of Islam in the holiest of places, the Arabian peninsula, plundering its riches, dictating to its rulers, humiliating its people, terrorizing its neighbours, and turning its bases in the peninsula into a spearhead through which to fight the neighbouring Muslim peoples.” Almost immediately did these attacks affect the lives of millions of people around the

world. Military units in nations from several counties, including Canada, would engage in a “War against terrorism,” targeting anything that represented terrorist activity including the fundamentalist group Al-Qaeda. The U.S. government would set a precedent of allowing government agencies almost unlimited access to private and personal records in the U.S. by enacting the Patriot Act for homeland security. This also included tapping phone lines without a warrant. Canadians had growing concerns as any private information that is be kept in the U.S. (such as Gmail accounts, or medical records held by US companies) could now be accessed by the US government. Today the war on terror still continues, but with many critics and varying results, governments are reviewing the need to have troops in other countries fighting for the cause. - Denny Hollick

The corporation, an organization that is given legal rights as a separate entity from its owners, is not a concept of modernity. The idea of a company can be traced back to times of the Romans however, you mix the modern corporation with two parts consumerism and you will be left with a toxic, greed-filled stew. By the late 1990s this stew was at a boiling point with companies like Exxon Mobil and General Electric making profits at unsustainable rates. Corporations like Walmart were now considered economic entities, with GDPs ranking above many countries, such as Greece and South Africa. However, in 2000, the tides began to turn for these global giants. Multi-billion dollar sports company, Nike, admitted to employing child labourers in third world countries. The Enron scandal was revealed in 2001, followed by a series of whistle-blower reports on fraud, environmental destruction cover ups, and inaccurate accounting. On July 21, 2002 Worldcom filed, what was at the time, the world’s largest-ever bankruptcy. Although 2002 was not the beginning of the end, it was the end of something: puppy-love with the man. Documentaries like ‘The Corporation’ became a critical success and Naomi Klein’s ‘No Logo’ became an international bestseller. The backlash by consumers gave rise to both government and private sector policies on Corporation Social Responsibility (CSR), which resulted in increased awareness of human rights, environmental protection programs, and sustainability planning. - Kassandra Linklater

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YEAR: 2003

FEATURE

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

YEAR: 2004

The Rise of New Media “THE VALUE OF A SOCIAL NETWORK IS DEFINED NOT ONLY BY WHO’S ON IT, BUT BY WHO’S EXCLUDED” - PAUL SAFFO, QUOTED IN THE ECONOMIST The decade also saw an massive advancement in technology and its integration into our daily lives. This wasn’t more evident than to the media industry, which found itself fighting a battle with the Internet over informing readers, viewers and listeners. Prior to the Internet, people had a very specific way to receive information, be it

YEAR: 2005

A name to be remembered: Katrina

from newspapers, television or radio broadcasts. The Internet changed all of that by basically giving the user access to a world’s worth information, in almost every medium imaginable. At first the news industry wasn’t bothered, they were resting on decades’ of experience and were slow to embrace the internet. This proved near fatal, as the Internet also gave users the power to create their own information portals, and thus, blogs, video diaries and podcasts were born. Soon users began relying on the Internet for their information, as it was more diverse, faster and cheaper than traditional news outlets. The Internet gave everybody a

voice, and evidently everyone had something to say. It also gave people an identity that would be seen by the world, which can be exemplified by social networking sites like Twitter and Facebook. 2004’s launch of Facebook marked a huge shift in the role the Internet played in people’s lives. Suddenly, the media industry found itself in crisis, and as newspaper subscriptions fell and newspapers began dropping like flies, news outlets were forced to see the error of their ways. Had they have been quicker to embrace the Internet, news outlets may not have found themselves in such dire straits. - Christopher Poon

YEAR: 2006

Al Gore as Superman – Climate Change and our world

“GEORGE BUSH DOESN’T CARE ABOUT BLACK PEOPLE.” - KANYE WEST

The Rise of Pandemic-mania “FOR THE FIRST TIME IN HISTORY WE CAN TRACK THE EVOLUTION OF A PANDEMIC IN REAL TIME. INFLUENZA VIRUSES ARE NOTORIOUS FOR THEIR RAPID MUTATION AND UNPREDICTABLE BEHAVIOUR.” - MARGARET CHAN, DIRECTOR-GENERAL OF THE WORLD HEALTH ORGANIZATION (WHO). The Black Plague, Small Pox, Yellow Fever, and Tuberculosis. Pandemics are nothing new in human history, however, the 2000s gave rise to pandemic mania. Although scientists predicted that there would be a global influenza pandemic that could attack as much as 20 per cent of the world population, none of the hysteria truly came to fruition. Pandemic-palooza started in 2003, with the onset of SARS. By 2004 we were being hit with reports of H5N1, better known as Bird (Avian) flu, resulting of a mass slaughtering of poultry. 2009 gave way to another animal-related infection, known as Swine Flu. However was quickly re-branded as H1N1 to prevent the banning of of meat and pork products. Between April and November of 2009, 3,900 people died from the H1N1 pandemic; whereas 36,000 people die per year from the common flu.

The Beginning – SARS: 2003 was the year that Severe Acute Respiratory Syndrome, better known as SARS, terrorized the world. Suddenly fear of a pandemic swept the nation. Toronto was especially hit hard, with 44 reported deaths due to the disease. The city’s economic losses were reportedly in the millions, with the hotel industry taking the brunt of the hit. In April of 2003, it was estimated that $39 million in lost revenues alone. The city was so worried about an economic meltdown that they called in the big guns: The Rolling Stones. SARS-Fest saw the likes of AC/DC, The Flaming Lips, Dan Aykroyd, and of course, the Stones roll into the city to revive Toronto’s fledging tourism industry. Total Global Death toll in 2003 from SARS: 774 Total Global Death toll in 2003 from Smoking: 4.6 million

Let’s examine the following:

- Kassandra Linklater

Enough said.

“New Orleans is sinking and I don’t wanna swim,” were the famous words sung by the band the Tragically Hip back in 1989. Little was it known that this would be a very true statement in the year 2005 when Hurricane Katrina would hit the coast of Louisiana in the USA. The disaster occurred on Aug. 28 2005, when Katrina, a class five hurricane with winds of 280 km/h hit the major city of New Orleans leaving over 80 per cent flooded and under water. With over 1,800 people left dead, it was hard to believe that a developed nation could have so many casualties with a disaster where deaths could have been avoided. Total damages were estimated at nearly $90 billion USD. With most of New Orleans under sea level, damages were further sustained with flood waters having nowhere to go. Much of New Orleans today still has not been rebuilt, with many neighbourhoods and buildings still abandoned and left to rot. The disaster brought people from around the world together though, included thousands of volunteers travelling to the affected areas to help rebuild the lives of those who had lost everything. Controversy was arose with one initiative on a television fundraiser when rapper Kanye West indirectly blamed the suffering of residents on president George W. Bush as he stated on live TV, “George Bush doesn’t care about black people.” The statement gathered much media attention and raised public concern that appropriate federal aid wasn’t sent to the affected areas because of racial motivations. - Denny Hollick

SHOULD WE PREPARE FOR OTHER THREATS BESIDES TERRORISTS? - AL GORE, AN INCONVENIENT TRUTH In 2006, Al Gore in association with Paramount partnered to create one of the most widely viewed documentary films of all time. An Inconvenient Truth has been credited as one of the more influential sources on people around the world in bringing the dangers of climate change to the public forefront. Climate change has been labelled as possibly one of the most real threats to the world and its inhabitants; throwing off the natural life cycle of species and ultimately having the potential to become an apocalyptic event. Just over the past four years since the release of An Inconvenient Truth, a green revolution has begun. The public attention climate change is now receiving is changing how governments think, how companies do business, and how consumers live their day to day lives. Things that were once just mundane tasks such as driving a car now pose the question, “how does this affect the environment?” But like everything, the concept of climate change has

attracted controversy and skeptics. A minority of scientist and organizations claim that climate change is not occurring, ceased, or may be caused solely by natural occurrences and not by human activity. Many companies have also taken advantage of the green revolution by “greenwashing” consumers, the act of presenting consumer products as “environmentally friendly,” to increase sales. More recently, the United Nations just held their last conference focusing on the issue of climate change in Copenhagen where world leaders met to try and come to a consensus on what measures will have to be taken by governments to prevent climate change. Although citizens around the world were hoping that government leaders would come to a binding agreement, countries left empty handed with no new measures in place. World leaders will meet again this year in Mexico to try and ratify an agreement. - Denny Hollick

FEATURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

YEAR: 2007

vol. 2 issue 12 | January 12 2010 | page ﬁve

YEAR: 2008

China becomes the largest English speaking nation in the world “ASSUMING CHINA DOES NOT BECOME DESTABILIZED AND CONTINUES TO GROW, IT WILL NO DOUBT DEVELOP A MILITARY PROGRAM IN PROPORTION TO ITS RESOURCES.” -MARTIN VAN CREVELD

The Obama sensation takes the nation (And the world too) “WE WILL BEGIN THE NEXT GREAT CHAPTER IN AMERICA’S STORY WITH THREE WORDS THAT WILL RING FROM COAST TO COAST; FROM SEA TO SHINING SEA - YES. WE. CAN.” - BARACK OBAMA It’s hard to believe how US politics shapes how we as Canadians live our lives. But in February 2007, Barrak Obama announced that he would be running for the presidential vote, which would later shape the lives of not only Canadians, but people around the world. Barack Obama, who assumed office in January of 2009 as the first African-American president, gave hope to people around the world for several different reasons. Many were inspired by his charisma and his famous three words “Yes we can.” The campaigning between Obama and opoponent John

McCain was widely watched on national TV, and almost as entertaining as reality TV. Obama only assumed office with 52 per cent of the popular vote in the USA, but being the first AfricanAmerican president in office was a paramount landmark in history. More recently, Obama was awarded the Nobel Peace Prize for “his extraordinary efforts to strengthen international diplomacy and cooperation between peoples, ” according to the Nobel Foundation. The award found many praises and criticism. - Denny Hollick

The Runner is owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society

EDITORIAL DIVISION:

Vol. 2, Issue no. 12 January 12 2010 ISSN# 1916-8241

News Editor Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca

#205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6 www.runnerrag.ca

Culture Editor Melissa Fraser culture@runnerrag.ca

Co-ordinating Editor Denny Hollick editor@runnerrag.ca

In 2008 the world turned to Beijing to watch as a city with 15 million people hosted the summer Olympics. We watched as a country known for its massive population and its massive human rights violations welcomed athletes from far and wide. We watched as the world remembered that China is set to be the next super power. China is home to over 1.3 billion people and that number is growing. According to the World Bank it’s growing by .55 per cent a year. And, with this massive population, we’re seeing the biggest mass migration in the history of the world as people pour into the urban centres. It’s said that what Europe did in it’s 150-year industrial revolution, China aims to do 15-

20 years. This means money and a lot of it. China expected an economic growth rate of 7.5 per cent in 2009 while the U.S. expected a growth of just 2.8 per cent. The growth, both physical and economic is fueled by Western capitalism, despite the $1 trillion the U.S. already owes the country in debt. Everyone wants a piece of China. But, as China rises to accommodate the 345 million people that are going to move into the cities over the next 20 years, it’s

the environment that will take the hit. According to Foreign Affairs magazine, China is already home to 16 of the world’s 20 greatest polluted cities, and approximately 14,000 new cars emerge on China’s roads every day resulting in more than 52,700 miles of developing highways throughout the country. China’s industrial revolution takes precedent over the trendy “green revolution” of the West. - Melissa Fraser

YEAR: 2009

“It’s the end of the world as we know it:” The Economic Meltdown to End all Meltdowns “THE CURRENT CRISIS IS MORE SERIOUS THAN THE WORST PREVIOUS RECESSION OF THE POSTWAR PERIOD, BETWEEN 1979 AND 1982, AND COULD CONCEIVABLY COME TO RIVAL THE GREAT DEPRESSION, THOUGH THERE IS NO WAY OF REALLY KNOWING.” - ROBERT BRENNER The year 2009 sucked. Financially, that is. The stock market crash of 2008 was beginning to take full effect and like it or not, we were in a recession. Financial crises are nothing new to the 2000s. Early 2000, we woke up to the bursting of the dot-com bubble, followed by an over decline in economic activity in developed countries mid-decade. This was quickly followed by realization that subprime mortgages and high levels of consumer debt were catching

up to the general populous and the average family was not able to keep up with payments. 2008 saw the crash of the U.S. autoindustry, hitting the American economy particularly hard; at least two million jobs were lost. This gave rise to the infamous ‘bailout.’ $700 nillion to the banking sector and $30 billion to the auto-industry, resulting in mass debt load in the United States. According to the US debt clock, the America national debt load is $12.2 billion.

The global downturn has had adverse effects on the Canadian economy however, Canada has been able to come out of the recession relatively unscathed due to strong financial legislation. The sentiments of BMO Nesbitt Burns’s chief economist Michael Gregory,”We will be pulled down, but not as deep, not as long,” and 2010 looks to put the economic course of Canada back on crash. Only time will tell. - Kassandra Linklater

Media Editor Christopher Poon media@runnerrag.ca

Entertainment // Jeff Groat Environmental // (vacant)

Matt Law, Kristi Jut, Cole Griffin Cover Art // Agatha Entote

Production Editor Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca

Langley Campus // (vacant)

BUSINESS DIVISION:

Politics // (vacant)

Bureau Chiefs:

Sports // Michela Fiorido

Operations Manager DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca

Arts & Design // (Vacant)

Student Affairs // Chris Yee

Creative Writing // (Vacant)

Travel // Anastasia Kirk

Office Co-ordinator Victoria Almond office@runnerrag.ca

Current Events // (Vacant)

Contributors // Kyle Benning,

Distribution // (Vacant)

SPORTS

page six | January 12 2010 | vol. 2 issue 12

SPORTS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

SPORTS

Top 5 sports scandals of the ‘00s As 2010 ushers in a new year, a new decade and a new era, we look back at what has happened over the past years. But the media has been taken to a whole new level since 1999 that we had to make our own “Top 5” list. Athletes have been finding new ways of attracting headlines. Here are the major sports scandals of the decade.

[KYLE BENNING] Mokgadi Caster Semenya is a Man? - Aug 2009

After dominating the World Championships and shattering records, Semenya was questioned by the world. The 19-year-old South African native won gold in the 800 m completing the race in less than two minutes, which was the fastest time of the year. After she broke the record in 2008 at the Junior Championships, the world was asking if she truly was a woman. Gender testing was recommended after the Juniors, but broke down due to “insensitivity”. Semenya went to court and was allowed to keep her medals and prize money, but the area is still foggy on what “qualifies” as a woman runner and if Semenya will be able to run again. Tiger Woods’ Baker’s Dozen plus OneNovember 2009

Tiger Woods has generated the biggest sports scandal of all-time. He was looked upon as the perfect role model; smart, charming and talented. But this winter, we got to see the “dirty” side of the legend. Fourteen women have admitted to having some sort of sexual relationship with Woods and he has not denied it. The Associated Press’ “Athlete of the Decade” has announced an indefinite leave from professional golf until further notice. Gillette has

suspended advertisement with Woods saying he is “no longer the right representative for the company.” It is rumoured that Elin Nordegren has handed Woods divorce papers, but we are unsure what the world’s highest paid athlete is going to do. Spain’s Paralympics Basketball Team Needs IQ Testing- August 2000

The Paralympics do a lot for those with disabilities. They show the world that talent knows no boundaries and that anything is possible. It is a moving event and one with a lot of respectability. So why would anyone want to tarnish their reputation by cheating? Why don’t you ask 10 of the 12 men who won gold for ID Basketball in Sydney? Spain was caught cheating in several events in this Paralympics and had five medals taken away. The main issue was that the players on the team had to have a learning disability and an IQ of less than 70. The Spanish Paralympic Committee failed to test the team. This has gone down as one of the “most outrageous sporting moments” in history and ID events were not allowed to be played in the 2004 Paralympics. Steve McNair’s Death by Mistress- July 2009

Steve McNair always had a problem with women. He couldn’t pick one to settle down

with. He has four children with three different mothers plus a dead mistress. What McNair could never understand was that some women are mentally unstable and pursuing a relationship with them while you’re married isn’t the brightest idea. McNair had a 20-year-old mistress who was struggling financially and I assume that the former Titans quarterback refused to help her, which is probably why she murdered him. He will be remembered fondly and his name sits in the record books as the Titans all-time leading passer.

Ray Lewis’ “Manslaughter” ChargeJanuary 2000

Ray Lewis has established himself as the Baltimore Ravens defensive captain. He is one of the most aggressive line backers in the NFL and one of the most intimidating ones as well. But this reputation got to his head after a Super Bowl XXIV party in Atlanta where Lewis and two friends got into a dispute with rapper Chino Nino’s entourage. The fight left two men dead with stab wounds with Lewis and his friends taken in by police for questioning. Eleven days later, they were indicated for murder and aggravated assault. But when the trial came along, the evidence was inconclusive showing Lewis being a peacemaker. Lewis pled guilty to a misdemeanour and had one-year probation sentence.

Comedy sports moment of the decade [KYLE BENNING]

The 97th Grey Cup was one of the most exciting CFL finals of all time. It was the mostwatched game in Canadian history thanks to the 6.1 million Canadians who tuned in. The first three quarters were dominated by Saskatchewan Roughriders. The Roughriders were playing well on both sides of the ball and were going into the fourth quarter leading by a score of 20-10. But the Alouttes finally came out in the fourth thanks to their punter. Damon Duval put a punt through the end zone giving Montreal their 11th point of the game. Saskatchewan scored one more touchdown and then sat back thinking they would cruise to victory with a scoreline of 27-11. They only had to kill 10 minutes.

But Montreal came storming and scored a pair of touchdowns making the score 27-25. In the dying seconds of the game, Alouettes quarterback Anthony Calvillo made a last-ditch drive to push Montreal into field goal range. Damon Duval stepped up to take the 43-yard field goal which would give the Alouettes the Grey Cup. Duval clipped the ball wrong and sent it wide, but before the ball was even airbourne, a flag was thrown by an official. The Roughriders, who were the least penalized team in the CFL, had 13 men on the field when the kick was taken. This resulted in a 10-yard penalty, giving Duval another chance to be a hero. He took full advantage of it. Saskatchewan were close, but a miscount cost them the championship.

SPORTS

Top 5 Sports Controversies of the ‘00s [KYLE BENNING] The Hand of HenryNovember 2009

Even though this event is the most recent, it is arguably one of the most controversial moments in sporting history. France and Republic of Ireland were set to play each other in a play-off match with the winner going to this summer’s World Cup. The first leg in Ireland ended with France winning 1-0, so Ireland needed to win this match in order for survival. And it happened, after 90 minutes of soccer in Paris, the Irish were up 1-0 and the match went into extra time. But just before the first period of extra time was over, France scored a goal which was smothered with controversy. First of all, France’s goal started from a free kick and when the ball was played

into the box, there were a few players offside. Second, the ball clearly was handled by Thierry Henry twice before he passed it to William Gallas. It was dissapointing for Ireland who played an amazing match and probably deserved to go to the World Cup.

of committing 13 penalties throughout the game, which is ridiculous. This includes having to kill two five-on-threes in the first period. However, the Canadian women got the job done even if there was a little bit of cheating happening. The Lockout- July 2003

Patriotism in the Olympics - Feb. 2002

We all know that the 2002 Winter Olympics were huge for Canadian hockey as both the mens and womens teams won gold. Funny enough, both teams had to beat the US in order to get the gold. But the woman had it a little tougher than the men did. The referee for this game was American, which was a little wierd, but no one thought anything of it as the games were held in Salt Lake City, Utah. But the Canadian women were accused

One of the quietest years in Canadian sports was during the NHL Lockout of the 20032004 season. Canadian sports fans were forced to watch the CFL or the Toronto Raptors and Blue Jays. Yes it was a very sad year indeed. I can’t speak for the rest of you, but personally, the Lockout made me lose interest in watching hockey on TV. Since it came to an end, I have only watched hockey during the post-season when the games start getting a little more interesting. But I have to

thank Gary Bettman because if it wasn’t for him, I probably wouldn’t have watched as many sports as I do now, but there’s no hockey for me. How Much for the Call? May 2006

The Italian Serie A has always been known for players diving and trying to convince the referees of very light fouls. But they didn’t really have much convincing to do in the first half of this decade. Five of the major Italian teams were caught in match-fixing scandals. This included the champions that year Juventus and other top teams like AC Milan, Fiorentina, Lazio and Reggina. All of theses teams were relegated to Serie B and some were even given point deductions to start the following season. I still can’t understand why teams that finished so high in the standings needed to cheat.

Rigged Super BowlFebruary 2006

One of the best quotes in sports history was said after this championship match between the Seattle Seahawks and the Pittsburg Steelers. Seattle’s head coach Mike Holmgren said “I didn’t know we were going to have to play the guys in the striped shirts as well.” Some of the calls included a Darrell Jackson touchdown being disallowed because his hand grazed the defenders chest and a Ben Rothlisburger touchdown when he clearly didn’t break the plain. A Seattle radio station was so upset by the officiating that they made a large poster and put it up in downtown Seattle. It had a picture of the referee and said, “Mr. Referee, next time please kiss us before you $#@! us.”

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 12 | January 12 2010 | page seven

TECHNOLOGY

EVOLUTION OF MOBLIE PHONES

2001 Nokia 3330

2002 Blackberry 5790

2004 Motorola Razr

2006 LG Chocolate

2007 iPhone

The decade that goes to the geeks [CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

he decade came and went, but if there’s one thing that it should be remembered for it’s definitely all-around gravitation towards adopting technology for use in our day-to-day lives. While we’re not yet flying around in Jetson-esque cars, there are still plenty of advances that made the past decade the most techfriendly one to date. Here are some of the biggest gadgets and trends from 2000-2009. Perhaps the biggest tech story of the decade was the general digitization of everything we know and enjoy. Communication, music, movies, books, video games etc. have all gone digital. As the Internet became increasingly embedded in our day-to-day activities, it was only natural that the entertainment industry would gravitate to making their products easily accessible to consumers. While not the first to offer digital music and movie files for sale, Apple’s iTunes Store definitely set the standard for digital distribution. No company saw success like Apple did when they debuted their digital media store in 2002. This, of course, goes hand-in-hand with Apple’s iPod, the portable media player that started it all. Released in 2001, critics dismissed the device as a fad

are still being released for the console, 10 years after its debut. Speaking of which, the entire video game industry saw a massive surge of popularity as well, and went on to take over as the top-grossing format of the entertainment industry. In fact,

2009’s Call of Duty: Modern Warfare 2 was the highestgrossing entertainment release ever, bringing in $550 million in its first five days. For gamers though, the decade will most likely be remembered for online interactions over anything else. While some PC games in the 1990s allowed for online interactions with other players, massive multiplayer online role-playing games (MMORPGs) offered an online experience like nothing before it. Games like World of Warcraft, Second Life, and Runescape created a virtual world where players could interact with one another using player-created characters. Likewise, console gaming made the jump to online connectivity in 2002, when Microsoft introduced its Xbox Live service. By the end of the decade, every current console offered multiplayer capabilities, and a game’s multiplayer aspect became as much a selling point as the game’s story mode. Dislike talking to people face-to-face? Want to meet others without actually meeting them? Social networking was made for you. Social networking came into its own during the 2000s, with Enter Nexus (which became Nexopia) leading the charge early in the decade, to Facebook and Twitter coming out on top at the end of it. While social networking may merely strengthen some people’s social

lives, for others it acts almost as a replacement. Facebook and Twitter have become addictions for which nothing else can substitute. While the digitization of the entertainment industry was seen as a way to make things more accessible to the consumer, it also had an adverse affect on the industry. Bootlegging became a major thorn in the side of the entertainment biz as technology developed to a point where everyday computer users were able to simply type in their request and begin downloading movie, game and music files, seemingly for free. Online piracy became a huge point of contention among both consumers and digital distributors and arguably one of the hottest issues of the decade. Things began slowly in the early 2000s with file-sharing programs like Kazaaa, Napster and Morpheus. As the decade progressed, downloaders made a general transition towards using bittorrents instead, which allowed for faster downloads and more options due to being able to download from numerous sources at any given time. Don’t pretend like you’ve never done it. Closing out the decade, it’s clear that our culture has made a major shift towards embracing technology like never before, and it’s only a matter of time before we’ll be able to take to the skies in our Civics and Corollas.

ly-relevant source material – the Harry Potter books, Spider-Man comics, the Lord of the Rings novels, the Transformers toys, Disney theme park rides – but when will they stop? Well, that’s when you stop being part of the problem. It’s simple marketing. We’re already emotionally invested in the characters, the stories and the actors we grew up with. Think about it: despite the shit storm that stemmed from Star Wars: Episode I, the following two films, released in 2002 and 2005, still earned a combined total of $690 million in North America alone making them the 10th and 27th highest grossing films of all time. We knew in 1999 that George Lucas wasn’t the same film-

maker he was. We knew that history would judge the first three movies separately from the latter three because they paled in comparison. And yet we flocked to theatres because we were curious and we felt like we were owed something. And I’m no expert, but I think Hollywood thrives on the public’s curiosity. The second Pirates of the Caribbean movie was a load of crap, but I still stood in line for the midnight showing of At World’s End because I was curious as hell as to where the story was going. Regardless of what I thought of the other movies, I felt like I was owed closure. But this isn’t to say that sequels and series are all bad. Look at The Dark Knight. It’s the second

highest grossing film of all time, it gave comic book films a whole new respect and it cleaned up during awards season. Despite the quality of some of the movies, just be prepared to see more of the same stuff in the coming years.

that would never last. Nearly a decade later, the iPod reigns supreme as the undisputed king of portable media. Just like the iPod popularized portable digital media, Amazon’s Kindle brought the concept of e-books into the mainstream. No longer do you have to carry around a bag of books wherever you go, this portable device allows users to store thousands of digital books, and the innovative e-ink look doesn’t hurt the eyes like normal backlit screens. Whether or not e-books will catch on, still remains to be seen at this point. Cellphone usage also came into prominence during the past decade, and is undoubtedly the best example of embracing technology. Chances are you’re no longer able to walk down the street without seeing somebody on a cellphone and it’s estimated that there are 4.6 billion cellphone users in the world. The phones available at the beginning of the decade were pretty clunky and simplistic (snake, anyone?) but at the same time it was pretty cool that you’d be able to call your friend while out and about. Fast forward to the end of 2009, and cellphones have evolved into minicomputers, capable of damn-near everything. Beginning in early 2000, Sony released the follow-up to their popular PlayStation gaming console with the PlayStation 2. What made this bad boy so

innovative at the time was its dual ability to play DVDs. DVDs were still getting big at the time, and so this made it much easier for people to make the transition to the new video format. It also helped set a precedent for gaming consoles to come (except for those buggers at Nintendo) and allowed for games to hold loads of content, and therefore, be better (in theory). The PlayStation 2 currently reigns supreme as the best-selling console of all time, and games

time, it’s gotta work at least two or three times more’ is the way to go. If I had to classify the last ten years in a simple catchphrase, I would call it: The Decade of Sequels. And arguably it began a little earlier than 2000 (Star Wars: The Phantom Menace came out that year), but it seems as if the majority of the movies that ended up being a success in the 2000’s were just rehashes of old characters. Don’t believe me? Thirty-eight of the 50 highest grossing movies of all time came out in the last 10 years and only 10 of those weren’t part of a larger series of films. And to give studios the benefit of the doubt, a majority of them stemmed from already cultural-

DECADE OF FILM

The sequel years [KYLE SLAVIN] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Aren’t people tired of half-assed money grabbers featuring Jack Sparrow? And Shrek? And Spider-Man? And Harry Potter? And Anakin Skywalker? And Optimus Prime? And Dr. Jones? Nope, they’re not. And if the last 10 years were any indication, you’re going to be seeing a lot more of them before the next decade’s over. It seems as if studios have all concluded that following the formula ‘if it worked the first

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page eight | January 12 2010 | vol. 2 issue 12

OPINION

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

CELEBRITY DEATHS

Don’t drink the water in Hollywood The 2000’s were about growing to love celebrities, then being totally consumed with their deaths [KRISTI JUT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

I didn’t think much of it when John Ritter unexpectedly died in 2003, except that there were a lot more reruns of 8 simple rules on the family channel after that and it was a pretty good way to cap off the school day whilst microwaving myself a pizza pop. My mother lamented his death only in the way middleaged women do, by watching nostalgic documentaries about his life’s work and announcing how Three’s Company really was her favourite show. It was more Johnny Cash’s death that shook me that year, and of course, by Christmas, his record label capitalized on that. The ever-so-sensitive Hollywood put out Walk the Line two years later in 2005—and it actually wasn’t bad. But aside, the following celebrity deaths of the decade would begin to remind me of my own mortality and, eventually, lead me into a state of paranoid insomnia. I mean, it’s not so much the expected ones—yeah Ann Landers dying in 2002 was sad, but she was fucking old, or even Marlon Brando in 2004—it was the could-not-have-seen-thatone-coming of 2006: Steve Irwin, the Crocodile Hunter. Now, it’s arguable that the

death of Irwin actually was expected. When I exclaimed “I cannot believe the Crocodile Hunter actually died!” to my friends, one of them politely said: “Really? It was bound to happen sooner or later. He was pretty much asking for it,”… or something to that effect. Okay, so fair enough, he taunted several beautifully exotic but dangerous animals for years, coming close to death but always escaping it. But he seemed invincible. A Houdini. And, with a remarkable likeness to Houdini, his death was a product of “living by the sword.” He died in September of 2006 when a sting-ray pierced him in the chest with a detachable barb while filming for a documentary on The Ocean’s Most Dangerous Creatures. Hm, ironic. James Brown’s death followed later that year, on Christmas Day, and then Saddam Hussein, warmly referred to as “The Butcher of Baghdad” topped off the Celeb death-list of 2006 with an execution on Dec. 30. The grim-reaper kicked off 2007 with the death of former playmate Anna Nicole Smith, a pill-popping, gold-digging mess of a woman. Then WWE star Chris Benoit kicked the bucket, followed by Ike Turner. Can’t really say we were too upset to see any of them go that year, but in

hindsight, it was the calm before a huge celebrity-death storm to come in 2008. Remember Tom and Huck? Y’know, Disney’s adaptation of Tom Sawyer’s Huckleberry Finn? If you were an eight-year-old girl when this came out, you remember that Brad Renfro’s badass character made it impossible for your heart to beat in regular rhythm. Dreamboat Renfro died from a heroin-overdose on Jan. 15 2008 at the age of 25. Heath Ledger’s death killed me (no pun intended). Seriously, I had this awful feeling like “now there’s no possible way I can marry this man. He’s dead. The love of my life is actually dead.” I didn’t sleep that night, I just watched 10 Things I Hate About You and A Knight’s Tale and thought “how could anyone ever know this person was going to die in less than ten years?” And also “now I will never know what our children would look like,” but mostly, “Batman is going to make so much money on this.” When Bernie Mac died I was like “What the hell is going on here?!” and apparently Isaac Hayes (the voice of Chef on South Park) shared the sentiment, and also decided to die but just two days later on Aug. 10. There was relief when the year was over because after all of that, how could more death

possibly occur? Well, leave it to 2009 to give us a swift kick in the gut. MJ’s death was so emphatic that it goes down in history as one of the ones people are refusing to believe is true, like Tupac, Biggie or Elvis. They’re all just waiting to get out of their bombshelters after everyone forgets they even “died.” It also completely overshadowed Farrah Fawcett’s death which occurred on the same day, and yielded itself a movie in the same year. Just before that, Spaghetti western star David Carradine, went out by means of autoerotic asphyxiation (if you don’t know what that is, Google it). Of course we can’t forget Swayze, who battled pancreatic cancer since January of the same year before dying in September. But it was death’s last squeeze-in of the year, Brittany Murphy, that rattled the celebrity death cage. That sucked, and now whenever I watch Clueless it will always be marred by the thought of Murphy’s death—but what it really got me thinking was “There must be some whacked-out drugs in Hollywood right now,” and if that’s the case, can the coroner’s only expect to be toe-tagging twice as much before the beginning of 2020?

Heath Ledger

Johnny Cash

Michael Jackson

ALBUM REVIEWS

10 Albums for 10 Years If you haven’t already listened to these albums it would be a good idea to pirate them off the Internet [COLE GRIFFIN]

It is impossible to please everyone with a “Best of the Decade” list. So instead, this is a list of ten great albums from ten great years of music. Hopefully, there’s one or two that will be new to you.

enough to sleep with. Yoshimi Battles the Pink Robots- The Flaming Lips (2002)

A concept album from one of the greatest unsung bands of the nineties, it’s about a sexy martial arts instructor who saves the world from an invasion of android aliens. Do I need to say more?

Radiohead are the best band in the world. Rootsy rock and roll with immaculate poetry; the type of uncompromising cool that only comes from musical geniuses with drug problems, Wilco restored my faith in American Music.

08 10

Quiet is the New LoudThe Kings of Convenience (2001)

Soft and beautiful, this endeavour is the first big success from Erland Oye, who in years to come will probably be remembered as one of the great musical geniuses of this decade. If you play this album for a girl, she will think you are sensitive

Yankee Foxtrot HotelWilco (2002)

There’s an ongoing argument about whether these guys or

Fleet Foxes- Fleet Foxes (2008)

From beginning to end this album demonstrates scary artistic maturity from a couple of twenty-two year old kids with acoustic guitars. I get the feeling that ancient elves, in their crystal castles, really dig this album.

Return to Cookie Mountain- TV on the Radio (2006)

A lot of people say these guys are a studio band, but they don’t seem to realize that this band does not record in a studio. They produce their albums using alchemy from the 31st century, in a mad-scientists lab aboard the alien mothership. If they pulled their stuff off live, it would probably open a hole in time-space and end the world.

them to finally get serious radio play just means the world is stupid.

Rated R- Queens of the Stone Age (2000)

04 Because of the TimesThe Kings of Leon (2007)

A rock epic that proved to the world that these boys were the real deal, for the third time, and showed that this family of hillbillies were not going to suck just because they sobered up. That it took one more album for

A great album from a great band, these guys can do no wrong. Sex-gods of metal, this band had Dave Grohl asking if he could maybe drum a little for them. Plus the lead singer is a red-headed greaser…freaky. Turn on the Bright LightsInterpol (2002)

Very New York, very pretentious-art-scenester, these guys are difficult not to love.

Not for those listeners with short spans of attention that need beats by Timbaland, These guys have even the snootiest of critics muttering under the breaths “damn…” Discovery- Daft Punk (2001)

Four years after their first album, when the world had all but forgotten them, the two French robots redefined music once again. Every song a winner, this fusion of disco and electro still sounds like it came from a future that might not be.

The Supreme Genius OfKing Kahn and the Shrines (2008)

This title is no exaggeration. The guys are even better live. Words are wasted, the King Kahn experience is a sonic one. Forget the last decade. This is the best rock and roll album ever: period.

Have an album you’d like to review? Send in your submissions to culture@runnerrag.ca

FEATURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

REALITY TV

vol. 2 issue 12 | January 12 2010 | page nine

THE SKINNY

Diet Trends [MATT LAW]

When midnight rolled around on New Year’s Eve many of us made resolutions for 2010. Some of us promised to focus on school more, others promised to drink less... or more, but by far most of us promised to get fit and eat healthier. Ultimately this well-meaning resolution leads to the dreaded promise of dieting. The past 10 years have seen a lot of diet fads rear their ugly heads, some good and some downright disturbing (one involves a tapeworm). Here is a quick look at some the more notable diet trends.

Atkins / ketogenic Diets

How to be (In)famous [AGATHA ENTOTE] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Many of us have probably had fantasies of walking down the aisle with (insert actor here), being in bed with (insert actress here), or better yet: becoming the idol of everyone’s dreams. In short, becoming an actor. Now you may ask, how do I become an actor? Holly/ Bolly/Carla/Candywood is a cut-throat world: it takes some chutzpah to get noticed, let alone land a substantial role and not just be credited as “extra wearing chicken suit” every time. One word my friend: television. The aptly named “small screen” is where known celebrities such as George Clooney and Pierce Brosnan honed their craft before making the leap into big-budget movies (ER and Remmington Steele respectively). But if one’s thirst for fame is truly insatiable, there are ways to bypass the system and see those dreams of television infamy pan out for the better. With that, here are five tips on becoming a instant celebrity on the boob tube.

It’s a numbers game (aka. Have as many offspring as humanly

possible). Like real-life politics,

the world of reality television is a numbers game (and no, I’m not referring to the ratings). A family-oriented reality TV show is never complete without those little cheeky devils children, that much is true. These days, the larger your brood grows the better - but try not to let the children steal the spotlight! Divorce your spouse on national television if you must, the children are only an means to an end...an end which sees you off ten times richer! Because honestly, do we all watch Jon & Kate + 8 solely because of Jon and Kate? Having lots of offspring also ensures the continuity of your reality TV career (and the family bloodline, should your spawn choose to pursue the same career path). When choosing the right

number of brood to have, always go for the extremes - and for heaven’s sake don’t just settle for two or three children. Rule of thumb: The more the merrier...or should I say wealthier?

Be Extreme.

Jump off a plane, be with your plastic surgeon 24/7, bite off the head of a bat if you have to. The world of reality TV knows no bounds - heck, the sky doesn’t even exist. Go eat bull’s gonads, steal your co-star’s boyfriend, do what you’ve always wanted to do. Just be ridiculously outlandish and publicize your intentions before committing to your activity of choice, because nobody wants to be branded a whitewashed reality TV star— it’s a welcome invitation to the so-called “Z-list”. Suggested activities: Go on a partying frenzy and allow paparazzi to follow you around, spend the day practicing your “smize” so that you won’t embarrass yourself in front of the judge’s panel, wear a skimpy bikini to the next singing auditions you do, eat that maggot/worm/larvae burger you’ve been dying to have, walk around your suburb of choice wearing 6-inch heels until your feet bleed and your pet chihuahua starts to chew on your blonde wig.

Size Matters.

Small, tall, morbidly obese, shockingly anorexic, people of all shapes and sizes are welcome to participate in the world’s largest freak show. Reality TV is known for showcasing the best and worst of human society, so why not be a part of it? If you are a 600-pound man seeking a date, let a matchmaker hook you up with a lady friend (and a show). Show no inhibitions, be fearless. Display those voluptuous curves and lovehandles for everyone to see, goof around and wear 10-foot stilts, eat more of those “diet cookies”, throw all

caution to the wind and eat that Double Triple Quarter Pounder Big Mac—anything that celebrates your shape (or lack of) is good enough for TV.

Subway Diet What happened to Jared? This was a faux diet created by Subway’s ad wizards and an opportunistic former fat guy named Jared Fogle. Jared reportedly lost a huge amount of weight eating mainly Subway sandwiches and walking every day. While there was no real plan this is one diet everybody heard about, and thanks to Jared it became a household term.

Seek Help.

Appetite for sexual pleasures getting out of hand? Call Dr. Drew. Need to shed some 200 pounds? It’s Jillian and Bob to the rescue. Need to quit smoking cold turkey in front of thousands of people? Turn to the magic of television and sell your story to producers and directors willing to cash in on your sob-worthy story. Watch as thousands of people witness your bitter struggle to “reinvent yourself” unfold on national television. Let all your emotions out—this is the only environment where crying is unsanctioned and drama is welcome. Need to settle a bitter spat between your spouse as well as the subsequent custody of your eight children? The boob tube is the best place to do it.

Probably the most notable diets from the past 10 years and the most controversial; it successfully made “carbs” a dirty word. The Atkins diet was originally created in the 70s and for some reason it came back with a vengeance in the early part of this decade. The diet is classified as a ketogenic diet as it heavily restricts carbohydrates and forces the production of ketones for energy which are produced from the breakdown of fat when carbohydrates are at a low. In the short term this is not a big deal, but ketones also cause dehydration and can lead to ketoacidocis where the blood becomes acidic and can damage organs. Glucose is also the favourite fuel of the brain and glucose is most easily obtained from carbohydrates. So when exams role around put your Atkins diet on hold and have some carbs.

Get a cool nickname/ pseudonym.

Your pseudonym is your identity, your brand, what most tabloids and magazines will use when reporting about your drunk escapades around town. This same name will be essential in helping viewers identify you on the streets (and possibly throw expletives at you). Like any nickname it must be short but sweet, as you only have the attention of your audience for a scant few seconds before they switch the channel. Likewise, your pseudonym must also be an accurate reflection of what actually catapulted you to instant stardom. Case in point: Octomom. Nadya Suleiman catapulted herself to minor TV stardom by giving birth to eight children in addition to the six she already had previously - hence the name Octomom. If you have a significant other, an amalgamation of your names is also acceptable and is often the best way to go (i.e. “Speidi” for Spencer and Heidi Pratt).

South Beach Diet Another of the more notable diets that has had much success and is arguably the most popular diet out there. The South Beach Diet involves three phases of restrictive eating with the first, which lasts for one to two weeks, being the most restrictive and the third being a “lifestyle” phase of living and eating healthfully. Generally this diet is an excellent option that has many qualities of a well rounded diet.

Baby Food Diet This is one of the more ridiculous diets to come about in the last 10 years. It involves eating cans of baby food as a meal...mmmm. Each serving of baby food contains around 80 calories which would lead to a severely restricted and dangerous diet. There is a reason babies are so small and poop so much, it is because they eat that crap. Despite being popularized by some notable celebrities this is one diet that will never catch on.

Glycemic Index Diet This is one that many endurance athletes have used as part of their training. It was originally designed for diabetics in an effort to combat rapid changes in blood sugar but has been adapted for the general public. Foods have what is called a GI (glycemic index) rating which measures how quickly the food will cause a spike in blood sugar. The idea is that a person eats food that causes a steady supply of blood sugar. This diet involves when, what and how much you eat but does not restrict specific food groups. Try this one out, it makes a lot of sense.

Cabbage Soup Diet Yup, somebody decided it would be a good idea to incorporate cabbage soup in every meal. There are two main problems with this diet, one being cabbage soup. The second is the sheer volume of gas produced which can be frightening at times.

Stress Eater Diet This one is geared for the women out there who are emotional eaters. It combines distressing activities with a well rounded meal plan to help combat those cookie-dough-ice-cream-binges while wondering why that guy didn’t notice you in your cute Uggs and LuLuLemon pants. Ok, so that was a little unfair, the book does provide a good analysis of the stress-eating relationship and could be very helpful for both men and women.

Tapeworm Diet Yes, it is what you think and yes it is only available in Mexico. It involves being given a beef tapeworm that will disrupt your digestion and absorption of food and nutrients. I don’t really think I need to explain the downside to this one, but if you are interested in trying it I would suggest you have bigger problems than needing to diet.

page ten | January 12 2010 | vol. 2 issue 12

CULTURE

CONCERT REVIEW

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

GROAT IN THE SAC

Sexytime, morning, noon or night? This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

[JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

Gaga’s sexual revolution [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

I’ll start by saying Lady Gaga Single-Handedly Leads the Third Sexual Revolution with her Monster Ball Tour. If you were as lucky as I was to experience Lady Gaga’s Monster Ball Tour this December then you know you were a part of something special. To those who didn’t get to see any of her three Vancouver tour dates, you missed out big time. I was fortunate enough to witness all three shows and can therefore provide an accurate account of what really went down. New York-based glam rock band Semi Precious Weapons opened first and, after getting over the fact that their 6’feet tall male singer was wearing high heels and a dress, I was pleasantly surprised by their music. They really got the crowd pumped for Gaga, that is, if we didn’t have to watch Kid Cudi for an hour in between. Sure, he has a massive hit song “Day and Night” and is a major up and coming hip hop artist, however, he really does not have much appeal to most Lady Gaga fans. While waiting for Gaga to come on I was amazed at how

diverse the crowd was. There were even old people there, like whit-hair old. She really has connected with people from all walks of life. My mother even joined me for the first show, I think she was more excited than I was. Lady Gaga’s opening number was genius. She created massive suspense and had a countdown timer on a giant screen which she danced behind. At this point I was weeping like a small child due to the excitement. She sang much of the song “Dance in the Dark” off her new album The Fame Monster behind this screen which sort of distanced her from the audience until she catapulted into “Just Dance” – the song that launched her pop career. She then powered her way through every song off her new album, except “Telephone” and even sang most of the songs off her original album, The Fame. We were even treated to two versions of “Poker Face” including the piano version which demonstrated her raw vocal talent and playing ability. Her dancing was very entertaining and VERY suggestive – there were at least five occasions where she pretended to masturbate on stage.

I could feel the panic arise from every parent who brought their child thinking this was going to be a relatively appropriate show – it wasn’t, which was why I absolutely loved it. Perhaps the most interesting part of the concert was Gaga’s interaction with the audience. The most powerful words that she spoke were “Music at the Monster Ball has no color, no religion, and no sexual preference, it is fucking free!” She also went on to contemplate who she’ll have sex with that night, either “A boy, a girl, or something in between.” It is in this fashion that I believe Lady Gaga is a genuine leader in the third sexual revolution. She transcends boundaries that were never even spoken about until recently. It is refreshing to see a woman so sexually free and indifferent to others’ opinions. Gaga has exposed a different lifestyle for women and has put a dent in the male double standard that exists. The Monster Ball tour was simply amazing, not just because her sets, costumes, dancing, and singing were fabulous, but because it explored new attitudes which may be indicative of the advent of the next sexual revolution.

MOVIE REVIEW

Avatar best watched in 3D [KYLE BENNING]

I think that we have found our picture of the year for 2009. The much-anticipated James Cameron epic finally released and what an opening weekend it was. I went and saw the movie on opening weekend and had to get to the theatre an hour before it started so I could get tickets, popcorn and a decent seat. But the movie was worth all the extra time needed. The trailers didn’t give away too much of the movie, which was good because I was going into the movie with no real expectations (other than it would be one of if not the best technologically advanced motion pictures ever made). It is estimated that Avatar hit $78 million within opening weekend.

The story is about a team who is studying on a foreign planet by the name of Pandora. Jake Sully (Sam Worthington) plays an ex-marine who is forced into a government-based experiment with the natives of Pandora. He is to get a better understanding of the people, their culture and traditions and report it to Dr. Grace Augustine (Sigourney Weaver), but a military general asks to get the reports also as the government are interested in a mineral that is growing where the natives are posted. As always, the government uses force to get what they want and it brings on a war between them. But it isn’t just an action movie. Jake falls in love with one of the natives, Neytiri (Zoe Saldana), the tribe leader’s

daughter. Their relationship blossoms from the moment they meet and it is one of those good love stories, nothing cheesy. Finally, the best part about the movie is the special effects. I watched the movie in 3D, which was a total treat. I’m sure that the movie is good on a regular screen, but the atmosphere changes when a third dimension is introduced and it fits perfectly for this story. But I think it is best watched in IMAX 3D. I saw it at Cineplex, don’t get me wrong, it was a spectacular movie, but the screen was very small for a 3D movie. In IMAX the screen is so much larger that it brings you into the environment of the movie and is definitely be worth the price of the ticket.

Welcome back to school. Now it’s time to kiss your social life goodbye. University students have a lot of sex, especially Kwantlen students. That’s why there are those studded-condom dispensers in the guys’ bathrooms next... to... the... urinals? The life of a student is a bitch, classes at all times of the day and into the evening, work at night after school, then after all this, cramming for the midterm while under the influence of enough caffeine and alcohol to fuel the Kentucky Derby. Sure, there are the weekends to let loose and explore the social benefits of university, but mornings, or early afternoons, that taste like stale cigarettes and smell of bourbon are not particularly conducive to lovemaking, as it were. Of course, even with a full time five-class course-load, not every day is full from start to finish. You might not have class on Tuesday’s until 12:00 pm, or you might get off on Thursday’s at 1:20 in the afternoon. What I’m trying to say is that there is ample time to get in a quickie here and there, and maybe, just maybe, you’ll have some time to fit in a bit of spooning after too. But women and men are not the same creatures, we both have needs, and we both have preferences, and, we both have times of day that our bodies’ are naturally “in the mood.” Sadly, none of these natural rhythms match up during the day. Now, on the surface it may seem like a bit of a “fuck you” from God, but at least this serves to bring some variety to the table. Naturally, men are wired to

wake up ready-to-go, something that is the subject of more than a few songs, and something most guys are embarrassingly or proudly aware of. A woman’s circadian rhythms are on a slightly different time scale though, with her body and mind taking longer to fully wake up than a guy, she might not be ready until a few hours after breakfast. She is most likely to be ready and willing in the mid to late afternoon though, with her hormones typically raging at this point. In the middle of the day, both women and men are usually too distracted by their work, or daily activities to think too hard about sex, but there isn’t a lot biologically going on (you can trust me on this one, but I should tell you I have zero human biology knowledge apart from some nutritional theory from a high school foods class). So let’s forget biology, it’s useless. With a last name like mine, you take whatever you can get, whatever time of day it is. The morning is good and peaceful, the birds are singing outside, and really, who wouldn’t want to start their day with some good loving? The middle of the day can also be quite nice, since in order to get some meaningful time in, you probably should have nothing else going on. It’s bright in the room, which can really make things interesting, and you have nowhere else to be, like work, school, or church. Then there’s night time. It’s cold, dark, and you’re not sure if you’re putting the condom on the right way. Plus it’s night outside and you can’t see a damn thing. But for some strange reason, the simple fact that you can’t quite see each other makes the sex just a little more fun. e-mail questions: culture@runnerrag.ca

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WRITE ABOUT MUSIC, MOVIES, TECHNOLOGY,

IF YOU THINK YOU HAVE WHAT IT TAKES

SEND US AN EMAIL: CULTURE@RUNNERRAG.CA

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 12 | January 12 2010 | page eleven

MY LIFE IS AVERAGE - NODNAS

HOROSCOPE AQUARIUS Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

You know all that name brand bread you’ve been eating? Yeah, that stuff’s pretty good.

PISCES Feb. 19 - Mar. 20

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan.19 Buy yourself three notebooks and a large step-ladder. This next week is meant for resting.

A Stalin-esque figure in your life wants to take you out for dinner. It’s wise to go.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr.19

Have you been spelunking before? Probably best to try it sometime before Thursday.

TAURUS Apr. 20 - May 20

Sex with cantaloupes could be the answer to all life’s questions. It could also be weird.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

You have three important responsibilities this week. Two of them have to do with carrots.

CANCER June 21 - July 22

Open your textbook to Chapter 1. You will find a surprise. It might be human hair.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Avoid conversations about cheese and philosophy. It will just make you yearn for cheddar.

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

Sometimes you forget that you shouldn’t tell the world about your asparagus fetish.

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You could buy a ticket to the moon or you could just pour yourself a tall glass of milk.

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Stop looking at pictures of possums on the Internet. You need more self-control in your life.

On Monday: more beer, less painting. Then on Friday: less beer and more painting.

The wonderful world of parking rates

Sudoku Easy #67 1 Special to Canadian University Press By Jennifer Zhou, CUP Graphics Bureau Chief

LADYBUGS

Another year, another parking increase. Students returning to Kwantlen this semester now find themselves paying $3.25 for four hours of parking and $4.75 for an entire day. That’s an increase of 50 cents for the four-hour rate, and 75 cents for the day. Just in time for the Olympics. Convenient, yeah?

There are more than 5000 ladybird species. Ladybirds usually eat plant lice. However, Asian species, when introduced to Europe attacked European ladybirds. Dots on the ladybirds have nothing to do with the years of living. Some ladybirds have up to 22 dots on the back. Average lifespan of these cute bugs is three years. Some people believe that ladybirds can predict the weather. If they fell off your hand it would rain, if they flew away it would be fine.

page twelve | January 12 2010 | vol. 2 issue 12

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

PRESENTS

FREE EVENT

HOW TO WRITE AN AMAZING NEWS STORY:

A WORKSHOP WITH CHARLIE SMITH, EDITOR OF THE GEORGIA STRAIGHT. THURSDAY JANUARY 28TH

7:00PM - 9:00PM REGISTRATION: RSVP ATTENDANCE BY EMAILING NEWS@RUNNERRAG.CA Surrey campus Seating is limited . Register today Interested in tumbling into the rabbit-hole that is the world of media? Ever wanted to learn how to write a news story? Perhaps you struggle with headlines, leads, or sources or are just confused with what these terms even mean. Come out to the Kwantlen Runner writers' workshop on January 28th and have your questions answered by special guest Charlie Smith, Editor of the Georgia Straight.