Vol. 2 Issue 14 by The Runner

The student election issue

APPLE UNVEILS iPAD P 08

KSA YEAR IN REVIEW P 03

PEROGIES GOOD, PROROGUING BAD P 05 MUSIC: B-LINES TEAR SHIT UP P 09

V O TE

VOL. 2 ISSUE 14 | FEBRUARY 02 2010 NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

page two | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

NEWS & POLITICS

CANADIAN UNIVERSITY PRESS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

Tuition increase draws concern from Quebec City Quebec education minister isn’t too happy with McGill’s proposed tuition hike JACOB SEREBRIN [CUP QUEBEC BUREAU CHIEF]

MONTREAL (CUP) — McGill University’s plan to raise MBA tuition to $29,500 — an increase of 868% for Quebec students — is coming under fire from the provincial government. In a letter dated Jan. 15, Quebec Education Minister Michelle Courchesne wrote that the increase would violate the principles of accessibility. A copy of the letter, which was addressed to McGill principal Heather MunroeBlum, was obtained by the newspaper Le Devoir. The tuition shift would end government funding for the degree, making the Desautels Faculty of Management master’s program self-funded. McGill has stated that $29,500 for tuition is still less than average compared to other provinces’ top-rated MBA programs. Tuition for a master of business administration degree at McGill currently stands at a little over $3,400 for Quebec residents and $6,300 for students from outside the

province. International students currently pay $21,600. The new tuition value is scheduled to take effect in September and would apply to all students. Courchesne has been critical of the university for not seeking her approval before going ahead with the plan. She noted in the letter that the university cannot implement the tuition increase without the ministry’s approval. This isn’t the first time the provincial education minister has criticized the proposed increase. When it was announced in September, she told the National Assembly — Quebec’s legislative body — that she had not approved it, and called the plan unreasonable. Principal Munroe-Blum met with Courchesne on Jan. 22, but when reached the following Monday, McGill officials would not comment on either the meeting or the letter. Julie Fortier, associate director of media relations at the school, would only confirm that they were “still speaking with the government.” McGill officials say the increase is necessary to maintain the quality of the

program. The university currently receives $12,000 per student in annual funding from the province, but according to the school, the cost of the program is $22,000. In September, Ron Duerksen, director of marketing and communications for McGill’s Desautels Faculty of Management, said the difference between this cost and the new tuition would be used to increase scholarship funding from an average of $400 per student to $4,000. At the time Duerksen said this extra scholarship funding would allow the program to become “need-blind,” accepting students based on merit rather than financial need. While the plan has received the support of the McGill MBA Student Association, other student groups, including province-wide lobby group the Fédération étudiante universitaire du Québec, which represents graduate students at McGill, have criticized the increase and worry other universities may follow suit. Requests for comment from the provincial government were not returned by publication time.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

FEB

05 2010

An Evening of Mozart String Quintets WHERE: Langley Campus Auditorium WHEN: 7:30 p.m. WHAT: Enjoy an evening of Amadeus’ classics. Admission is by donation and all proceeds go to the student scholarship fund.

FEB

05 2010

Dessi Fusion 2010 WHERE: Dhaliwal Banquet Hall #230 8166 128 Street Surrey WHEN: 7:00 p.m.

CUP CARTOON

WHAT: The third annual formal dance organized by the KSA and LIFE Club. Tickets $20 at the KSA Member Services or the door. Proceeds go to the Save the Children Canada Foundation.

FEB

TYLER WUDRICK / THE GATEWAY

SURVEY RESULTS

08 09 2010

Climate change is worse than terrorism to Canadians, says report

KSA General Election WHERE: Surrey/ Cloverdale Campus WHEN:10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. WHAT: Bring your student ID and vote in the Kwantlen Student Association general election.

Researcher says that just because terrorism hasn’t struck our borders doesn’t mean it’s not a threat KENDRA WONG [THE PEAK]

BURNABY, B.C. (CUP) — A new report released this month claims Canadians feel more threatened by the radical change in global climate and their environment than terrorism. An online survey was conducted by the Innovative Research Group and commissioned by the Canadian Defence and Foreign Affairs Institute from the end of December to the beginning of January, asking members of the Canada 20/20 panel how much of a threat they perceived a variety of hot issues to be. Canada 20/20 is an online panel focused on gathering public opinion from a pool that reflect’s Canada’s diverse population. The sample included 1,229 different respondents and had a 2.8 percentage point margin of error 19 times out of 20.

Of the people surveyed, nearly half agreed that climate change is a “critical threat,” while only about one in four people said the same about international terrorism. In a similar 2004 poll, Canadians considered the two threats as equal. Compared to 52 per cent of respondents in 2004, 49 per cent felt climate change is a critical threat in 2010, while international terrorism dropped from 49 per cent in 2004 to 28 per cent in 2010. Lt. Gen. Michael Jeffery, a senior research fellow for the Canadian Defence and Foreign Affairs Institute, told Canwest News Service that “Canadians are blessed by living in a secure environment. . . . All of the major threats have been on other people’s shores, not here, and that’s great.” However, he noted that “We are not aware that the world around us has changed, it is continuing to change, and

emerging from that very . . . different world are increasing threats to Canada . . . and our way of life.” Despite his attempts to call attention to the reality of terrorism and convince Canadians of the threat it imposes on the country, he also urged the government to take action against climate change, including through environmental policies and international trade agreements. The poll further noted increasing concerns among Canadians about immigration, however, and a decline in concerns about globalization and potential epidemics, such as AIDS, the flu and SARS. “It really is up to the leadership, political or otherwise, to educate society about what those risks are, and to move to policies, both domestically and internationally, that start to deal with the underlying root causes,” Jeffery told Canwest.

FEB

09 2010

Circus of the Night - A fundraiser WHERE: The Grid Lounge 6555 Hastings Street, Burnaby WHEN: 7:00 p.m. - 10:00 p.m. Doors @ 6:00 p.m. WHAT: Come out to the public relations class of 2010 benefit of Big Brothers of Greater Vancouver. Tickets for this circus themed event are $40. Contact Ashley Letts for more info ashleyletts@hotmail.com

FEB

10 11 2010

KSA General Election WHERE: Langley/Richmond Campus WHEN:10:00 a.m. to 7:00 p.m. WHAT: Bring your student ID and vote in the Kwantlen Student Association general election.

NEWS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 14 | February 02 2010 | page three

NEW FACULTY

Proposed faculty still no closer to creation After a year of lobbying, the proposed Faculty of Library and Student Engagment Services has been put on the back burner [CHRIS YEE] [STUDENT AFFAIRS BUREAU CHIEF]

It has been over a year since Kwantlen began seeking a new Faculty of Library and Student Engagement Services department. Derek Robertson, KSA Director of External Affairs, noted that under the amended University Act, which created the five special purpose teaching universities, of which Kwantlen is one, they lost the representation they had when Kwantlen was a University College (under the College and Institute Act). While the Learner Support representative on Education Council (the predecessor to the Senate while the school was still considered a college) is on Senate as a librarian representative, her term, which was transitional, will end this summer, said Library Chair Chris Burns. Despite this current lack of representation, Burns pointed out that these staff still have faculty status, which was affirmed in a September 2008 Senate meeting. A report on

the matter was submitted to the President on Jun. 10, 2009, which outlined relevant sections in the University Act like “criteria for a faculty at a special purpose, teaching university like Kwantlen” and ways the proposed faculty met them, as well as the precedent for such a faculty set by Thompson Rivers University’s Faculty of Student Development. The Kwantlen Senate, and President David Atkinson himself, had “agree[d] in principle” with the creation of the new faculty and suggested that faculty members in these areas form a working group to work on the matter. The effort was not only to gain representation on Senate, Burns said, but also to create courses and other learning opportunities, as well as facilitating collaborative planning of programs within the proposed faculty’s focus areas - currently not possible for consideration. However, minutes from the Senate’s September 2009 meeting said that it “gave the proposal serious consideration, but ultimately was not satisfied

MATT LAW // THE RUNNER

that all possible consequences of approval had been given sufficient consideration” and referred it back to the Senate Governance Committee for further report. Specifically, it was concerned about potential

budget and organizational structure implications. At the Nov. 30, 2009 Senate meeting, the proposal was voted down 16 to 12. Asked about the matter, Burns stated that the rationale

for the proposed faculty was that “not a traditional university [as a special purpose teaching university under the Universities Act]... and [that] we can do things differently - and possibly better... to recognize that... a lot of teaching (and learning) takes place in other venues: the Learning Centre, Counselling, the Library...” However, Burns added that notions of the “traditional model [of instruction]” seemed to be fairly well entrenched for many people voting at the meeting. Additionally, Burns said, “to hear assertions made that we do not teach was really quite dismaying and disheartening, because it signalled to us a lack of recognition of the work we do, or understanding of even that most fundamental point - [that] as faculty members... we teach, or we would not be faculty members.”>>

For the full story check out runnerrag.ca

AROUND CAMPUS

Students step up at Kwantlen’s Kwantlen awards over 1.1 million in scholarships students helps pay for tuition community leaders and second annual leadership conference and day to day expenses scholarship donors. [DENNY HOLLICK] [CO-ORDINATING EDITOR]

COURTESY OF KWANTLEN

[DENNY HOLLICK] [CO-ORDINATING EDITOR]

Kwantlen students had the opportunity to meet and learn from community leaders and professionals at Kwantlen’s second annual Leadership Conference titled “Unleash Your Potential,” held on Jan. 23. The conference was open to all Kwantlen students and featured 16 different workshops. Keynoting the conference was David Atkinson, Kwantlen President, and renowned speaker, Rick Bains. Some of the topics covered included risktaking, conflict resolution and work-life balance. Nearly 130 students attended the conference, along with a handful of volunteers and staff. The purpose of the conference was to gain skills and leadership abilities to help build character and meet with like minded students and

industry professionals. “I found the leadership conference to fill in the missing gaps that I could not find,” said Ryan Keigher, a Kwantlen business student. “The things I never quite understood or never heard before really tapped my senses, and gave insight on how to be a better leader and a better person.” The full day of seminars also featured a volunteer fair where students could meet with several local organizations to see how they could get more involved in community and Kwantlen events. “My favourite part was 13 habits of super successful people, but the final keynote speaker, Rick Bains was quite enjoyable,” said Ryan. Kurt Penner, the director of Student Life and Development and his colleagues plans to continue hosting the conference in the years to come.

The Kwantlen General Awards dinner went off without a hitch last week, where hundreds of thousands in scholarships were given away to Kwantlen students. The awards recognize the hard work of students at Kwantlen for academic achievement, community involvement and personal achievement. The dinner took place at the Coast hotel in Langley with approximately 300 guests in attendance. The ceremony brought together some of Kwantlen’s finest students,

IN BRIEF

“Currently Kwantlen awards more than $1.1 million to 850 Kwantlen students through our scholarship and awards program,” said Jeff Norris, the executive director of the Kwantlen Foundation. “This year more than 2000 students in total applied for awards.” Students who apply for scholarships are judged by a committee which is formed by Kwantlen, which reviews all of the applications. Selections are based on the criteria of the awards and quality of the applications The money received by

which many students would otherwise not be able to afford. “It creates a diverse body of students. It levels the socioeconomic playing field,” said Shelley Coburn, one of the award recipients. “They make it possible for me to go to school. It makes it easier for me to pay my tuition and not incur student debt – I can focus on my studies.” The awards are open to all Kwantlen students. Students can apply online with the Students Awards and Financial Assistance department at Kwantlen.ca/awards

[NATSUMI OYE] [CURRENT EVENTS BUREAU CHIEF]

Canucks VS. Hockey Night

Canada in Haiti

Conan’s big buyout

A talk has been scheduled to hopefully alleviate the differences between the Vancouver Canucks and Hockey Night in Canada, according to the vancouversun. com. Canuck players were told by their GM not to do interviews with HNIC after Ron MacLean did a piece on the incident involving Alex Burrows and a referee, the Sun reported.

Canada hosted a conference in Montreal for a group of nations called “Friends of Haiti,” on Jan. 25th. The nations involved agreed that a 10-year commitment is necessary to help Haiti, according to the Globe and Mail. The conference was to discuss not only the immediate plan for Haiti, but a longer-term plan as well, which Stephen Harper said would “[rely] on the leadership of the government of Haiti,” reported the Globe and Mail.

Ex-host of NBC’s “The Tonight Show,” Conan O’Brien, was paid US $40 million by the network to end his contract and give Jay Leno his time slot, according to Maclean’s magazine. NBC had tried to put Leno, who was slotted in at 10 p.m. after leaving “The Tonight Show,” at 11:35 p.m. as a lead into O’Brien’s show, which would start at 12:05, according to nypost.com. O’Brien’s last show aired on NBC last Jan. 22 2010.

page four | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

NEWS & POLITICS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

KSA UNCOVERED

OPINION-VOTING

Why are Kwantlen students not voting? [MATT LAW] [CONTRIBUTOR]

The KSA 2009: A year in Review The KSA says they are here to provide two things to students: advocacy and services. This means it is up to the elected staff to work with us and take our concerns to the university administration, the Canadian Federation of Students and to external policy makers. It also means they are there to make sure we get some pretty sweet stuff. As a students get ready for another election, we at the Runner have compiled a list of what our current elected officials have done for us to help our readers make informed decisions in the upcoming election. [MELISSA FRASER] [CULTURE EDITOR]

•Created the Beer and Girly Drinks committee, which had nothing to report throughout the year. •Organized SEXPO 2009 featuring Daniel Packard. •Cancelled Langley’s Sexpo event. •Adopted Tap-In’s proposal to ban the sale of bottled water in KSA space. •Spent $5000 on reusable water bottles designed by KSA members. •Organized Cram Jam 2009 with Danny Fernandes and Destineak. The Runner reported that the event was budgeted $25,000 and it was estimated that roughly 600 people attended the event. “Arguably one of the greatest Cram Jam events the KSA has held, thanks entirely to the

amazing team of staff, officials, and volunteers who spent their summer working on this event.” - Vanessa Knight, director of events and student life.

•Is fighting to get the KSA out of the Canadian Federation of Students, despite the students voting to stay with the CFS during the September referendum.

•Held a fee referendum and passed all ten proposed fees. Student Union Building Fund START Volunteer Fund Social Justice Fund REBOOT Fund Radio Free Kwantlen Fund Peer Counselling Program Fund Intramurals Fund Club and Events Fee Battle IMPARK Fund Advocacy Service Fund “The issue of KSA fees has been debated now since 2007, so finally being able to move forward on a set of questions and see them pass was gratifying.” Steve Lee, director of finance.

Organized a Casino Night at the •Richmond Campus

•Phased in new fees to avoid a large initial increase.

•Organized Smoke Out 2009 Held by SHIP and the Kwantlen Wellness Centre.

•Axed Social Justice Fund, which was approved in the student referendum.

•Cancelled Casino Night at the Richmond Campus. •Replaced chairperson after the Casino Night at the Richmond Campus was cancelled. •Brought beer to the Surrey Campus. •Lowered the price of beer on the Surrey Campus. •Organized licensed events on the Richmond Campus.

•Underground 2009 - “Our First Club Night Featuring DJ Flipout, was a definite success,

and I’m proud to say came in under budget.” - Vanessa Knight, director of events and student life. Took the CFS to court to ensure that Kwantlen students had a vote in the society. Won the case. •Held UPass forum for all students. •Encouraged diversity and cultural awareness through events such as Taste of Asia and Diwali Festival. •Provided you with free condoms, tampons and jumper cables. Also offered discounted movie tickets and Playland passes. •Lobbied to have a toilet put in the Farrier building. •Passed society bylaws to avoid internal extortion. •Fighting the previous KSA government, who between 20052006 conducted illegal activity under the banner of the student society

STREETER

STREETER: The KSA?

Kwantlen students need to suck it up and vote to protect their interests and money. Having only attended Kwantlen for a few months, I am surprised at the lack of voter turnout in recent elections. In the last year’s general election only 555 students cast ballots, that is from a student body of over 17,000. Three per cent of students coming out to vote is disgusting. Are we too lazy to vote? Too uninformed? Too completely ignorant to the fact that the people we vote for spend our money? Kwantlen students must have forgotten the recent actions of former KSA members who allegedly participated in voter fraud, making undocumented payments of over $145,000 and using over $800,000 for high-risk loans, all with student money. It seems to me that this would be a hard thing to forget and might make people want to vote. In a more recent vote in September of last year, only 494 votes were cast in a fee referendum that saw student tuition fees rise after the referendum passed. I have to admit I didn’t vote in this past September’s fee referendum. I didn’t really know the issues, having only been at Kwantlen for a few weeks. And now I pay more for every course I take because I was too lazy to read a brochure and put a check mark on a piece of paper. Young voter apathy is a real problem in this country and it allows people to make decisions for us and take advantage of our absent voices. The 2010 general election runs from Feb. 8-11 and will decide who is representing the students of Kwantlen and their money. I for one will make sure I know who I am voting for and be at the voting booth with bells on come Election Day.

What has the Kwantlen Student Association had done for you recently? FREE FOOD FREE DRINKS FREE MEETING

[HAYLEY WOODIN]

Every Friday at 2:00 pm Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. Discuss the upcoming issue & other important decisions

Mado Elkhoulr

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Applied Science: Civil Engineering

Marsha Brash General Sciences

Journalism

General Studies

“They got me a locker.”

“I went to them to get a Transit pass.”

“Nothing, absolutely nothing. They make me pay fees and they don’t give me anything.”

“I don’t know, I just started here, nothing really I guess. They had free pizza when I first came this semester, but I don’t really know a lot about it.”

NEWS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 14 | February 02 2010 | page ﬁve

NATIONAL POLITICS

Citizens take to the street to protest prorogation

JEFFERY YIP // THE RUNNER

1000 protesters ﬁght against prorogation [JEFFERY YIP]

Across Canada and around the world, thousands of Canadians took to the streets, on Saturday, Jan. 23, to protest Prime Minister Stephen Harper proroguing parliament. Ashley Fehn, Director at the Kwantlen Student Association, was one of the organizers of Vancouver’s No Prorogue rally. When I first found out about this, I thought I should look to see if there are any [facebook] groups … and sure enough there was,” said Fehr. Although each city organized its own rally, the grassroots movement for the No Prorogue rallies was started through the Canadians Against Proroguing of Parliament (CAPP) facebook group. “So I joined that group and there was the Vancouver chapter group, so I joined that one because I wanted to help plan this. “When it all first started I was the most involved and then I went to the first meeting and here I am,” said Fehr. On Dec. 30, 2009, Harper prorogued parliament. Many Canadians believe that his decision to prorogue parliament was to shut down the parliamentary committee looking into allegations that Canada was, according to the CBC, “indirectly complicit in the torture of detainees in Afghanistan.” Because of this, many believed that Harper’s decision to proroguing parliament was anti-democratic. When asked about this in an interview with the CBC’s Peter Mansbridge, Harper said, “I think polls have been pretty clear that that’s not on the top of the radar of most Canadians.” Many Canadians took this to mean that they didn’t care

about the issue of Afghan detainees and by extension that Canadians didn’t care about prorogation. “When I heard that Stephen Harper had prorogued parliament again … I was pissed off. So that’s why I got involved, to let Stephen Harper and any other politicians out there know that Canadians are watching and we do care,” stated Fehr. “Today I think the main goal is to let Stephen Harper and all politicians know that they have to face democracy and democratic accountability. Democracy doesn’t end at the ballot box. Stephen Harper said that Canadians don’t care, that’s not true,” said Fehr. According to the Vancouver Sun,“Harper appeared unmoved by the antiprorogation rallies Saturday.” But, opposition parties have been moved by the CAPP. “The NDP and Liberals have already said that they’re going back to Ottawa on Monday, we got that even before we had the rally. That was because of the big push from Canadians planning these rallies,” said Fehr. At the time of the rallies, the CAPP facebook group had over 211,000 members. The Vancouver chapter alone had almost 1,000 members. According to the No Prorogue website, rallies were held in more that 50 Canadian cities and in seven cities around the world, including New York, San Francisco and London. The rally in Vancouver gathered at the Georgia Street side of the Vancouver Art Gallery around 1 p.m. and then marched its way through the streets of downtown Vancouver ending up at Victory Square where five speakers addressed the crowd of nearly 1,000 protestors.

JEFFERY YIP // THE RUNNER

OPINION

Is there a leader in the house? Runner contributor Micheal O’Morrow examines Canada’s current lack-of leadership [MIKE O’MORROW] [CONTRIBUTOR]

On Jan. 20, Barack Obama celebrated his first year in office as President of the United States. It has been a busy year for the American president: he signed a $787 billion stimulus bill to fight a recession, fought for major health care reform, salvaged a last minute deal at the Copenhagen Climate Summit, and somehow found time to win the 2009 Nobel Peace Prize. On Jan. 26, Stephen Harper celebrated the anniversary of the end of his first parliamentary prorogation. It has been a busy year for the Canadian Prime Minister as well: he managed to embarrass the country on an international stage in Copenhagen, was harshly criticized by the Information Commissioner of Canada for lack of compliance with the Access to Information Act, dodged questioning on the alleged torture of Afghan prisoners by Canadian soldiers and finally prorogued parliament again, this time until after the Olympics. And in the midst of that busy schedule, he managed to wow Canadians by tickling the ivories to “With A Little Help From My Friends” alongside Yoyo Ma at a National Arts Gallery gala in October. Is this what we have come to expect in Canada from our elected officials? It has become terribly tiresome to watch the daily fiasco that is the House – MPs screaming at each other from across the floor with no questions being answered and no issues being addressed. While Canada largely avoided an economic recession – thanks to the policies of prior governments – partisan bickering and a tarnished view

of Canada internationally have marred Mr. Harper’s tenure as Prime Minister. Michael Ignatieff hasn’t helped. After ascending to the Liberal leadership, he has failed to rally the Liberal Party and heal the wounds from the Chretien-Martin era. And now rumours surface of Mr. Ignatieff’s inevitable demise with his longtime friend Bob Rae as his replacement. And let’s not forget Jack Layton. Thanks for playing, Jack. For too long, Canadians have sat by idly and allowed this mess to build. We haven’t held our leaders accountable and we haven’t forced them to be better. And as much as we would like to blame our party leaders for their ineptitude, we really can’t. It’s all on us. It could be argued that when Stephen Harper was elected in 2006, the votes that put him in office were not cast for him, but rather against the Liberals. And how many votes were cast in 2008 as a rejection of Stephane Dion, and not as an embrace of Mr. Harper? A vote should be cast FOR, not AGAINST. Mr. Harper may have been

well within his legal and constitutional right to prorogue parliament for a second time. That question is better answered by political and legal experts. But it was a blatant abuse of power within a system that is supposed to hold him accountable for his actions. This is not meant as a partisan piece. This article condemns the behaviour of all major parties and their leaders. What this article should be is a call to action on the part of the Canadian public who deserve better. In a democratic society, we have freedom of expression, so let your voices be heard. In a democratic society, we have freedom of association, so join with others to protest our cause. In our democratic society, we have freedom of conscience. Let Mr. Harper and all the others know exactly what you think. Write to newspapers. E-mail your MP. Use the power of the Internet and social networking. Join the anti-prorogation Facebook groups. Organize rallies. Get mad. Send your message loud and clear to Ottawa.

JEFFERY YIP // THE RUNNER

page six | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

NEWS & SPORTS

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

DESIGNING

Students button down for Haiti relief Fourth year GDMA students put their design skills to the test to collect donations for the Red Cross

COURTESY OF JESSICA LUCH

[MATT LAW] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Kwantlen design students are selling hand crafted buttons in an effort to raise funds for Haiti. In response to the Jan. 12, 7.0 earthquake that rocked Haiti, fourth-year students in the GDMA program have been working hard to produce 300 buttons which they will be selling by donation. Since the quakes, the media has been saturated with images and stories of the tragedy in Haiti which has prompted many Canadians to get involved and make donations. “Because of the media coverage a lot of us got really emotional about it because it is quite tragic,” said Romina Puno, a fourth year design student. “The number one concern that most of our class had was,

how can designers make a difference when there’s tragedies like this happening in Haiti?” The fourth year GDMA students had been raising money for their own graduation show but chose to put their fundraising on hold while making the buttons. “Within the span of a week everyone designed something for the buttons and then we rented the equipment and we started assembling everything on campus,” said Puno. Students took the time to print the buttons on their home computers and rented equipment to make the buttons themselves. While this effort has been largely student-driven, teachers have also been very supportive of the button project. “Some of our instructors are really happy about it, one even

bought the entire set of every single button we designed,” said Puno. The buttons are being sold for a minimum $5 donation and there is a variety to choose from. The fourth-year class has plans to produce another batch of buttons once the first 300 sell out. “Some people when they buy buttons they donate more than $5 so that’s always a great thing,” added Puno. The buttons will go on sale Feb. 4 and can be bought online or from any of the fourth year GDMA students at the Richmond Campus. The class will also be holding a bake sale Feb. 10-11 in the rotunda on the Richmond campus to raise money for the GDMA grad show and sell more buttons. 100 per cent of the funds raised by the button sales will

previous performances. Many women think that this is the end of the road, this is as strong ong as they will ever get so there’s re’s no point in pushing it any harder at the gym. WRONG. There here are lots of things you can n do to break a plateau and get back on track to achieving your ur fitness goals. Plateaus can n be overcome!

you’ll be pumped once you get back in the gym. gy ym.

COURTESY OF JESSICA LUCH

be donated to the Red Cross. More information can be found at the GDMA’s class blog www.blog.gdma2010.com

and you zone out and it’s like not even conscious – the you’re n thing is happening to your same thi muscles. They are so familiar with routine that they fail to the routi To prevent this from engage. T happening, hop on the bike one happenin day, then go swimming the next day, then try dance class - don’t just stay confined to one type of exercise. The same goes cardio ex machine weights, how about for mach free weights, or body trying fre weight eexercises, or stability exercises? The goal should be to exercises keep your you muscles guessing.

for a particular exercise, then increase the reps until you can bump up your weight. If you can lift just five pounds more than before, that’s progress. Recording this makes it more motivating and more real.

GDMA 2010 blog blog.gdma2010.com

HEALTH

women on WEIGHTS

Myth #2 Plateaus are impossible to overcome [MICHELA FIORIDO] [SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF]

So last week I discussed lifting heavy. Let’s say you’ve been lifting heavy for a while, increasing your weight every couple of weeks when all of a sudden “BAM!” You have hit a wall. This feeling has a name, it is called a plateau. A plateau is characterized by a decrease in performance, a lack of improvement, a lack of motivation and an inability to lift heavier weight than that of

Take a week off – I’m m serious! When you lift increasingly heavier weights, ghts, more stress is put on your ur body, especially its ability y to recover. If you feel that at you’ve hit a plateau, try taking a week off from the he weights and instead go for a walk, shoot some hoops, play dodge ball, get laid (yes, I did just say that - sex burns up to 300 calories per hour y’know!) and other random fun activities. Moreover, if you take a week off, your motivation to hit the he weights will increase and d

Mix it up p – Do you have the samee gym routine You every week? Yo Y u complete all your exercisess in order, then hop on the you elliptical for 30 minutes, then you leave. No wonder you’ve hit a plateau! It’s like when you drive home from school

Star recording your Start progress – If you haven’t pro been writing down already b exercises you do with the the exerc increasing weight/reps each increasin week th then get going! I cannot emphasize this enough. empha If you can physically see your p progress on a piece of paper and can track which exercises you are able to lift exerci heavier heavie for then you will always be progressing. If you feel you really can’t lift heavier

Eat properly to hydrate and refuel muscles – Make sure that before and during your work out you consume enough water so that you are properly hydrated to maximize muscle performance. After workouts, chocolate milk is a good choice because of its blend of carbohydrates and protein, however supplements would be even more effective for muscle growth and recovery. Women and supplements will be discussed next week.

Before starting any fitness routine, consult a qualified fitness professional.

Have a question about ﬁtness. e-mail: news@runnerrag.ca

EDITORIAL

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

THE RUNNER The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society.

OPINION: DO WE NEED THE KSA

Campus opinions: Do we need the KSA?

Vol. 2, Issue no. 14 February 02, 2009 ISSN# 1916-8241

YAY

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EDITORIAL DIVISION:

JARED VAILLANCOURT [CONTRIBUTOR]

Production Editor // Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca Media Editor // Christopher Poon media@runnerrag.ca Culture Editor // Melissa Fraser culture@runnerrag.ca News Editor // Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca Co-ordinating Editor // Denny Hollick editor@runnerrag.ca

BUREAU CHIEFS: Arts & Design // (Vacant) Creative Writing // (Vacant) Current Events // Natsumi Oye Entertainment // Jeff Groat Environmental // (Vacant) Langley Campus // (Vacant)

vol. 2 issue 14 | February 02 2010 | page seven

My fellow Kwantlen students, the powers that be have brought into question the necessity of our glorious and fruitful Kwantlen Student Association (KSA). There have been rumors and worries spreading across all our esteemed campuses that perhaps the loyal, hardworking members of the board are in fact outdated, ineffective and dare I say, obsolete. I say these traitorous hippies know not of what they say. Our KSA is a foundation, a form of government that is populated by students working for the students. Our KSA is a brilliant entity, similar in power and ability as our very own Canadian government but with twice the motivation

and half the incompetence. Our KSA is what keeps Kwantlen running, not as a school but as a society of students from all walks of life, recognized by the overlords of British Columbia through the shining example of the KSA. They are the best, the brightest, the cleverest and the most dedicated of all the persons who call Kwantlen their own, and the work they do is irreplaceable. Without the KSA, your bus fares would be ridiculous. Without the KSA, there would be no BC Bookworm website. Without the KSA, your tuition, your books and perhaps even the very nature of your studies at Kwantlen would be fundamentally different, maybe even totally inverse to what they are now. The KSA is your shield and sword, my fellow students. Would you listen to those who see only failure and throw down your armor?

NAY NATSUMI OYE [CURRENT EVENTS BUREAU CHIEF]

What has the KSA done for you lately? Besides take your money at the beginning of each semester? Because Kwantlen is a commuter school, there is no campus life, so there is no point in having a student association to bring students together. The KSA’s many failed and costly attempts to do so have been a waste of student’s money. Students in Richmond, Langley and Cloverdale shouldn’t have to pay for the KSA to put on an event to bring Surrey campus students together as they did when Cram Jam was put on last fall. Students who are enrolled in night classes shouldn’t have to pay so that the KSA can feed students who have classes in the middle of the day. Free food and

OPINION: FREE PRESS

Politics // (Vacant) Sports // Michela Fiorido Student Affairs // Chris Yee Travel // Anastasia Kirk

CONTRIBUTORS: Kyle Benning, Cole Grifﬁn, Kristi Jut, Matt Law,Michael O’Morrow, Jared Vaillancourt, Hayley Woodin, Jeffery Yip Cover Art // Cat Yelizarov

BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager // DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca Ofﬁce Co-ordinator // Victoria Almond ofﬁce@runnerrag.ca Distribution // The Now Newspaper

WE F**KED UP The following are our mess ups from the week previous: In our last issue: The Lenin Head Issue, Vol. 2 Issue 14 we published the names of one of our contributors incorrectly for the article she wrote on the Cell Phone Ban. Mae Valesco should have been spelled, Mae Velasco. We respectfully apologize to Mae and hope that we will never spell her name wrong ever again. In the article “Kwantlen community responds to the crisis in Haiti”, the first line reading, “The KSA is capable of philanthropy and thinking about other people than themselves,” was not supposed to appear in the article. We retract the first line and hope that you weren’t really paying attention in the first place. Thanks!

Free Press Well Fettered COLE GRIFFIN

“The basis of our governments being the opinion of the people, the very first object should be to keep that right; and were it left to me to decide whether we should have a government without newspapers or newspapers without a government, I should not hesitate a moment to prefer the latter. But I should mean that every man should receive those papers and be capable of reading them.” --Thomas Jefferson In this, our election issue, it is necessary to address the importance of a free voice for the student press. As Mr. Jefferson mentioned above, the opinion of the people is supposed to be the driving mechanism behind any democratic government. This principle is founded on the idea that the people of a democratic nation are a wellinformed population, capable enough of mind to form an

educated opinion and well informed enough of every side of every issue to form a unique opinion, rather than a simplified regurgitation of the last edition’s most popular bit of sophistry. In this scheme, the roles the free press plays are, at once, the informer, the opinionated, and the critic. One should be able to pick up an election issue and find within its pages every side of the story. Articles should cite the achievements and failures of the existing government body, and the qualifications – or lack thereof – of the potential candidates. I’m sure The Runner would have been glad to do that, were it not for one crucial impediment. The Runner is not, in the proper sense, a member of the free press. Now a glib response would be to say, “Well, I don’t pay for it.” Well, in a way, you do. The KSA collects fees from each

CONNECT WITH THE RUNNER

badly organized and advertised events… those are the KSA’s specialties. Benefiting limited numbers of students. The other side of what the KSA should be doing is helping students deal with the University. It really is a good idea to ask for help from an association that has been so flooded with inner turmoil over the last few years they can barely operate in an efficient manner themselves. Now the KSA isn’t all bad. There has been one instance in the four years that I’ve attended Kwantlen where I was actually impressed with the KSA. That was Richmond Campus Director Reena Bali’s quick response to putting together fundraisers to help the people in Haiti. That’s the only instance where the KSA was thinking about people other then themselves.

The autonomy of The Runner, is dependant on talks between the KSA, and The Runner’s business division. Each party is equally responsible to ensure autonomy is created.

Kwantlen student and then funnels the funds to us. This is how we’re able to produce a weekly paper, maintain a website and keep publishing student works. Ours is a free publication in the sense that we do not charge for copies, though one might, half-jokingly, point out that it often costs you time and effort to find the nuggets of worth within this student publication. However, more seriously, the fact remains that The Runner is not an autonomous entity. Despite autonomy being a necessity for a publication to remain unbiased, the humble publication is woefully relies on the continued support of the KSA for our financial backing. As such, we can hardly bite the hand that feeds us, no matter how succulent and deserving it may be. Our existence may depend on our subservience; it is possibly purchased by turning blind eyes toward

relevant issues. We are not a free voice. By the sound of our clanging shackles, you may be warned of our impediment. We are a dependent entity. However, in this time of upcoming election, the good minds that contribute to this publication still think that something must be said that influences the student body to put their votes towards the furtherance of this institution’s academic life. Maybe the best choice for future representatives of the KSA might be those rare types of soul that understand that a student press best serves its readership by being a free voice, one able to criticize the errors, irresponsibility, and incompetence of its actions (or inactions as the case may be). Not necessarily to pick at hairs, but to serve as an informational tool - a guiding light that shines along the many paths that lead to improvement.

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CULTURE

page eight | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

TECH DREAM COME TRUE

Apple puts

[CHRISTOPHER POON] [MEDIA EDITOR]

After

months of rumours, and speculation, Apple has finally revealed their long-awaited tablet. Apple founder and CEO Steve Jobs unveiled the product last week at an Apple event dubbed the ‘Latest Creation Event.’ Called the ‘iPad,’ the device will act like a ‘roided up version of an iPhone, and, like the iPhone, it sports a huge touchscreen as its method of input. Many of the iPhone’s features (swiping, virtual keyboard, accelerometer etc.) are all present in the iPad. What makes the device different (apart from its obvious size) is that the iPad also borrows some features from the Apple desktop operating system, effectively making the device a hybrid iPhone/ Macbook. Programs like iTunes, iCal (that’s Apple speak for calendar) and iPhoto on the

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

rumours to rest

iPad are more akin to the desktop versions. As for applications, the iPad will run and use the same App store as the iPhone, but will have iPad-specific apps in the future. Any iPhone apps opened on the iPad can be upsized and rescaled to fit the devices 9.5-inch screen. Continuing Apple’s trend of producing aesthetically pleasing products, the iPad is super thin, and sports a matte aluminium body, with a large glossy screen. According to Jobs’ keynote speech, the iPad will sport a 10hour battery life, GPS, compass, speaker, microphone and lots of other geeky goodness. It uses wireless internet and 3G, the latter of which is not set up with Canadian service providers at the moment, but all models do come unlocked (not tied to any specific provider). Apple says it hopes to have agreements in place by June for

all non-US data providers. Gaming will also be a big part of the iPad, and bigwig game companies like EA Games have already begun developing games for the device. Graphics aren’t nearly as good as those you’ll find on modern day consoles or desktop computers, but they definitely outshine the iPhone. As for memory, the iPad comes in three flavours, 16GB, 32GB, and 64GB of flash storage. If you can’t wait to get your hands on the iPad, be prepared to shell out some serious cash. The low end version will cost US$499 (16GB wifi-only model) and the high end will cost you US$829 (64GB wifi/3G-model). As of press time, only the U.S. prices were announced, so expect Canadian prices to be slightly higher. Apple hopes to have the WiFi-only versions beginning to ship within 60 days internationally, and 90 days for the WiFi/3G models.

So the iPad was announced, and the world was talking about it for all of one day. The thing is, after a closer look at the specs and such, the iPad doesn’t seem to be the magical device it was touted to be. It’s basically a massive iPod touch, running the iPhone OS with the usual plethora of standard features missing from the first-genration iteration. Do we really need another device to lug around with our laptops and phones?

To: Mr. Steve Jobs, CEO of Apple Inc. RE: Apple Launches iPad Hey Steve, Chris here. You remember me, right? I was the one that saved up all that money so that I could buy the iPhone when you finally brought it to Canada. Speaking of which, why’d that take so long? Anyways, I heard that you’ve cooked up another must-have gadget, the iPad. Let me be the first to tell you, I want it. How do you come up with these ideas? I mean, everything that your company creates seems to be so beautiful and desirable. I’m kind of in awe, and a lot in love. I can hardly wait to curl up on the couch with my brand new iPad, sipping my chai and flipping through my digital copy of Chicken Soup for the Nerdy Soul. Facebook on the fly? I can finally do that, so long as I have a wifi connection or 3G network, kinda like my iPhone. The best part? I can’t wait to capture the wonderful moments my friends and I are sure to have while hanging out with our iPads. Hang on, where’s the camera? How am I supposed to take all of my Facebook profile pics without a camera? Steve, this shit is broken! After all I’ve given to your company, you couldn’t have put a little camera in the bugger? I mean, my iPhone has one, my Macbook has one, my iPod Nano has...oh wait. This is pretty familiar actually. Remember when I got that awesome thin new iPod Nano from 2008? And then you released the same one plus a camera a year later? That sucked for me. I even know someone who was in the same position as me, but they actually bought the new Nano, even though their ‘old’ one was fine. Oh, now I get it, you’re pulling the ol’ leave-out-the-stupid-fucking-features-thathave-been-standard-for-the-past-half-decadeso-that-we-can-release-the-next-versionfeaturing-those-very-functions trick. That’s pretty shitty Steve. It’s kind of like the iPod touch, when you were expected to release the new version with a camera, putting it on par with the iPhone. It made sense to do so, but you defied that and left that feature out. Again. The worst part was that there was a little space inside the new iPod touches where a fucking camera would have fit. What happened there, cold feet? Or it’s kind of like when you released the first two iterations of the iPhone, and neither of them had video recording and MMS. That’s the kind of stuff that had been in cellphones for years, but you decided to leave them out. It wasn’t only until June 2009 that you blessed us with these standardized features. What the fuck? We’re still waiting for bluetooth file transfer. Another thing, asshole, why the shit don’t you just allow Flash on the iPhone and iPad? Do you know how many sites use Flash? That’s like closing off a quarter of the fucking Internet, because you’re too worried about giving people a full-browsing experience. How about when you removed FireWire support from the recent MacBooks? You may not have guessed it, but some people actually liked being able to upload video and photos to their computers. Really fucking ‘innovative’ moron. In fact, here’s some shit that you probably left out on purpose from the iPad: No USB (Seriously, you know the ‘u’ stands for ‘universal’ right?). No Multitasking (Even my Windows 95 PC did that. Figure your shit out). No HDMI (Ugh...nice ‘new media’ device). On second thought Steve, seeing as you’re retarded it enough to make it as useless as as a super soaker in the arctic, I don’t think I’ll be getting the iPad. Nice try though, dick. Yours truly, Chris

COURTESY OF SAUL CAETANO

Have an opinion about a story, event, product, a person or politics? Write to us and we’ll publish it! letters@runnerrag.ca

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 2 issue 14 | February 02 2010 | page nine

CONCERT REVIEW

LIST OF TEN

The B-Lines go mental at Roy G Biv’s

Famous last words

[COLE GRIFFIN]

“I am about to -- or I am going to -- die: either expression is correct.” Dominique Bouhours, French grammarian, d. 1702

ometimes, when you wanna find something to do, you have to look in hidden places. Roy G. Biv’s is just such a place. It is small semi-subterranean warehouse on the corner of Wherever Ave. and Neveryoumind St., in Vancouver, and, last December, there an event of high-radness occurred. I was new to the scene at Roy’s, and was pleasantly surprised by the aesthetic greeting of a tiny Kodak photo. Atop a log in some dark woods perched a naked hippy-girl blissfully manipulating her own vagina; next to the first, a second photo of a naked hippy boy roaming through the woods, as in tribute to the famous portrait of Bigfoot. It’s wonderful what they’re doing with thumbtacks these days. I mused on these a while, before paying my cover to enter the main space. Imagine walking into an abandoned Nazi bunker that had been infested by art freaks. Against cinderblock walls, massive rasterbated images had been slathered. Out-of-scale mountaineers skipped across Alpine peaks, while an unsigned Al Jaffeeesque monster man handled his junk and stared across the room into the innocent eyes of a twelve-year-old Ralph Lauren model. These images and more assaulted my mind, while my critical eye took in the dilapidation of the air ducts and ceiling tiles. Various old furnishing of a generally crappish nature lined the walls, while crappy-light lamps lit hardly a thing. I was early so I sat for a while on a filthy couch, drank the gutrot being sold (three for $10!) out of a grimy refrigerator, and smiled: the place was perfect. You see, I had come to see a punk show. Word had reached me, through various pages and messengers, of a worthy conglomeration of music makers who had taken the title of The B-Lines for their artistic enterprise; so I said F-it! I’m gonna see these boys. After

“And now, in keeping with Channel 40’s policy of always bringing you the latest in blood and guts, in living color, you’re about to see another first--an attempted suicide.” – Christine Chubbock, who then shot herself dead on live television, d. 1974.

“My work is done, why wait?” – George Eastman, from his suicide note, d. 1932

“I’ve just had eighteen straight whiskies. I think that’s the record.” – Dylan Thomas, before dying of alcohol poisoning, d. 1953.

“Hurry up you hoosier bastard! I could kill ten men while you’re fooling around!” – Carl Panzram, murderer, heckling his hangman from the gallows, d. 1930.

6 FLICKR // WETWEBWORK “He flailed like a chimp on meth, while smashing back anyone that flew from the pit to trespass onto the puddle of swill he called his stage. Off-time and out of tune, it really didn’t matter.”

all, their MySpace offerings had totally not sucked and I hoped that live they might also be promising. That their performance should be held in so splendidly swarthy a venue, only added to my expectations. The opening acts ripped off short, loud sets while the vulgar dungeon slowly filled with all sorts of freaky people in too-tight jeans. A punkmomma, named Legs, with a whiskey voice kicked out a worthy set of the blues to a half empty room. Then came 99 Problems who, according to their own singer, “basically sound like Minor Threat”, but his heroically horrific vocals, against the rusty metal styles of the band certainly kicked this critic’s ass. Alas, the third band made so strong an impression that I could not be bothered to remember their name (and they were the title act). Finally my boys came up to play. That’s when something really happened. By now the

venue was so full that, in the event of a fire, those not crushed in the stampede were likely to burn alive. In spite of this obvious danger, everybody was smoking. The air stank of cigarettes and monkey-piss: the mood was just right. The B-Lines hit the air with their militant punk fundamentalist message, and the assembled mass went spastic in gratitude. A hole in the crowd formed, where only the most squirrely of mofos dared go to thrash, and a barrage of crushed beer cans began to soar. Now it’s worth noting, at this point, that there is no stage between the band and the audience. Both entities share the same slab of beer soaked concrete, which makes for an interesting question about band security. This question seems especially relevant when a band provokes the type of physical reaction The B-Lines do. Fortunately, these boys appear used to this by now. Everybody with an instrument backed into

a more defensive formation while pounding out their noise. Then the lead singer, a lanky berserker named Ryan, held the front armed only with his microphone. Now, when I say the word ‘berserker’ I do not say so lightly. Ryan is the type of oddity whose stage antics are worthy of a special paragraph. He flailed like a chimp on meth, while smashing back anyone that flew from the pit to trespass onto the puddle of swill he called his stage. Offtime and out of tune, it really didn’t matter. The beercans that splashed repeatedly off of his face did not diminish, but rather spurred on his animalistic frenzy. Either falling or throwing himself, he ended up belly down on his backwash spotlight, rolling around like it was the semi-finals for a freak of the year contest. Only violence could stop the madness. So I say, I, Lord Thrashmore, totally want to see the next gig.

“Hurrah for anarchy! This is the happiest day of my life!” – George Engels, founder of the Socialistic Labor Party of North America, before being executed for his role in labour riots, d. 1887.

“Excuse all the blood.” – Per Yngve Ohlin, aka ‘Dead’, founder of Norwegian black metal, in his suicide note, d. 1990.

“I’ll be in Hell before you start breakfast boys! Let her rip!” – Thomas Ketchum, aka ‘Black Jack’, murderer, to his hangman; when they stretched his neck his head popped off, d. 1901.

“This is no time to make new enemies.” – Voltaire, replying to a priest who had asked him to forswear Satan, d. 1778.

“Don’t let it end like this. Tell them I said something.” – Pancho Villa, Mexican revolutionary, d. 1919.

BOOK REVIEW

Pandora’s Star: Sci-ﬁ for everyone Drama, suspense, eternal life and a whole lot of other excitement

[JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

If you’re looking for a great epic, a science fiction masterpiece, a triumphant story of the human spirit or just a

good drama story covering several different characters, then look no further than Pandora’s Star by Peter F. Hamilton. This British-born author brings the thrilling tales of several 31st century citizens to life, exploring a galaxy of his own creation in this amazing book. In Pandora’s Star, the human race has found a way not only to explore the galaxy through wormholes, but have also become cyborgs of a sort. With the ability to download their minds into clone bodies when killed and then rejuvenate to a younger state after aging,

our fictional descendants have become immortals of a technological sort. It gets better. Not only can they live forever, but they can also choose how and where. Hamilton’s Commonwealth spans hundreds of Earth-like worlds, each with their own laws and governments, but all linked to the Cybersphere through wormholes. Citizens can customize their genome, instantly changing genders or adopting animal-like characteristics in the span of a single rejuvenation. In such a world, why would anyone want to do anything

but have that much fun? Well, Pandora’s Star aims to answer just that question. A mysterious alien called the “Starflyer” has nearly destroyed the planet Far Away, prompting a movement called the Guardians to hunt it and its psychically controlled agents down across the Commonwealth. In response to these Guardian “terrorists” comes a genetically engineered cop named Paula Myo, who is so hell-bent on serving justice that she turned in her own parents when she found out they had stolen her from the bio-lab, and now hunts the Guardians as relentlessly

as they hunt the Starflyer. Meanwhile, an unassuming scientist discovers the book’s title-sake “Dyson Pair”, a pair of energy shields encompassing two whole solar systems and the deadly genocidal aliens therein Needless to say, when Dudley shuts the barrier off, all hell literally breaks loose. Fraught with drama, suspense and mystery, and the tales of the few who survive by any means possible, Pandora’s Star is a long book too intricate and interesting to sum up in a single review. Not only that, but it ends in a cliffhanger – so if you plan to read this British masterpiece, be prepared to trample all in your path on the way to pick up its sequel, Judas Unchained.

CREATIVE

page ten | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

SCI-FI

Shifting Ice: Alas, Poor Jaxal... [JARED VAILLANCOURT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

Chapter Five

even hundred and thirtytwo light years: that was the distance between Kapilo and the war zone. However,this great distance didn’t seem to do much to keep the war away, however. Vintis saw the war everywhere it went; public news holograms, advertisements run in Common, the Izraal tongue and most of the dominant Pyryx dialects, and even pedestrians on the street carrying banners and handing out flexies. “Support the Imperial Court? Drive the Izraal invaders out?” one of the demonstrators asked Vintis as it walked past, a flexi in her tentacle as she offered it to Vintis. Vintis shook its head and held up its hand to decline the pamphlet. “You can’t stand by and do nothing!” the demonstrator shouted after Vintis as it walked down the street. “Sooner or later, this war will consume us all!” They were hollow words, Vintis mused. The war was a blood feud, representing little more than the ignition of old prejudice between the Izraal and the Pyryx. Other species had yet to get involved, their eyes turned to the Jukkopo for guidance. Trying to persuade a Zwitii was a mistake on the demonstrator’s part, Vintis thought with a smirk; if she wanted involvement, she should lobby the Jukkopo. Though it may have been the middle of winter, it was far too hot for Vintis. Its coat

kept it cool, blocking out the suns’ heat, but it still felt far too warm. Kapilo was a world settled along its equator; there was nowhere for it to stay if it ventured into the southern wastes. “Excuse me,” Vintis inquired at the transit stop, “what time does the next transport arrive?” it asked. To its surprise, the patron that turned to check the schedule hologram was a very familiar Zwitii. “You’re only a few minutes early,” the other Zwitii informed merrily. It reached out with a hand, offering to shake Vintis’. Vintis accepted as the other Zwitii smiled. “It’s good to finally meet another Zwitii,” the other spoke in the Brakksys tongue, “I am Klezyp. What’s your name?” “Vintis,” Vintis replied. It ignored the other patrons as they gave the two curious looks, bemoaning their use of a language other than Common. “You look familiar. Did you just move here?” “Not really,” Klezyp answered meekly, its cheeks blushing. “I’m only here for a few months. I work for the Senate Census Commission.” Both Zwitii moved to sit on the empty bench at the back of the terminal. “I think I saw you the other day on the rooftops,” Klezyp admitted. Vintis smiled. “I was wondering who that was,” Vintis chuckled. “There aren’t many Zwitii in the capitol.” “You’re surprised?” Klezyp asked ironically, gesturing up at the suns. Both of them laughed. “It is truly too hot here,”

Vintis agreed. “So what kind of work do you do?” it asked. “Nothing too special,” Klezyp said as it looked down at its feet, tracing circles across the metal. “I go to a planet. I record information about the populace, things like what species they are, their numbers, family relations, all that boring statistical stuff,” Klezyp chuckled. “What do you do, Vintis?” it asked. “I work at one of the shipping companies at the local starport,” Vintis replied. “I handle requisition orders, maintenance log files, cargo manifests… nothing too special,” Vintis said with a chuckle. Klezyp laughed as well. Both looked up as the unmistakable humming of a transit’s engine pulled into the station. “Oh, that’s the one I take,” Klezyp, said quickly as it stood up. “I’m off to the northernmost city today. Rumor has it that there’s a large Pyryx populace, and I’m so excited – I’ve never met one before!” it shouted over its shoulder. Vintis stood up. “Klezyp?” Vintis said loudly, causing the other Zwitii to turn and smile back at it. “Uh, how would you feel about a drink sometime?” it asked. Klezyp’s smile widened as it paused on the transport’s open ramp-way. “I’d love to,” Klezyp stammered. “Just look me up on the city-net!” Vintis smiled and waived as Klezyp boarded the transport and waived sheepishly at it through the window. “It was nice meeting you, Vintis!” Klezyp yelled as the transport hovered away.

Vintis smiled and stuck its hands into its coat pockets. A moment later, its transport arrived. “Ah, Vintis – you’re early,” Kyraa remarked an hour later when that worthy walked into their shared office. “I wasn’t sure you would be in today,” she said somberly. Vintis gave her a quizzical look as it hung up its coat. “Why’s that?” Vintis asked. Kyraa sighed and tapped her screen, causing the image to flip so that Vintis could see it. Vintis gasped as it read the headline. “Kyraa, I…” it stuttered. “I know,” Kyraa said sadly as she shut off her screen. “A few minutes after Jaxal and the others entered the prison, a group of Pyryx inmates tore them to shreds,” Kyraa said sadly. “My supervisor has given me the day off, but I’m going to work anyways,” she said slowly as Vintis sat down. “What about you?” she asked. Vintis looked up at her and blinked. “Me?” it asked. Kyraa nodded. Vintis opened its screen and found a waiting message from the supervisor. It sighed as it read it. “You knew Jaxal too,” Kyraa pointed out. “So, what do you say? Should we spend the day toasting his memory?” she asked. Vintis looked up at her as it deleted the message. “I’d like to,” Vintis muttered to the shocked Kyraa, “but I’m very busy.” It took Kyraa a moment to reply. “Of course,” she said politely as she left.

To be continued...

PHOTOGRAPHY A cat yawns on the grave

White Rock

MATT LAW // THE RUNNER

Heron

MATTHEW J VAN DEVENTER // THE RUNNER

MATT LAW // THE RUNNER

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

ANECDOTE

vol. 2 issue 14 | February 02 2010 | page eleven

GROAT IN THE SACK

The best drunk driver in the world

Sex everyday keeps the doctor away This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job: his last name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us. [JEFF GROAT] [ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF]

CHRISTOPHER POON // THE RUNNER

[COLE GRIFFIN]

During and after this holiday season, let us always remember that drinking and driving is a dangerous thing to do, even if you happen to be with the best drunk driver in the world. How do I know this? Let me tell you a story… Only Fred was an aspiring comic I knew. He was the best drunk driver in the world. Seriously, when he was driving it felt like you were on rails. On the nights we drove drunkenly through the streets of Vancouver, I felt as safe as I had ever felt with a driver. He was efficient and watchful, courteous and aware; and once I saw him cram a mid sized sedan in a small small car spot in the fastest 2-point parallel park any human eye has ever seen. It was amazing, but you had to be there. So one night, while we were drinking, the bar decided to enforce its closing policy, like a jerk. So there we all were, an over sized mob of ne’er-dowells flooding out onto the sidewalk. We all needed a place to go. Somebody offered up their place (later, I would bone his sister) and we all agreed that that was the place to be. Now we needed a way to get there. That’s when Only Fred spoke. “I’ll drive.” We all agreed that this was

the wisest course. I spoke up of my admiration for Only Fred. “You sir,” quoth I. “Are the best drunk driver in the world!” “Yeah, I know,” he beamed. “I do this shit for a living.” And so it was. We overloaded his vehicle with our accoutrements and our company. A veritable clown car it was but, under the steady hand of drunken Only Fred, we were the surest ship afloat that Friday evening. Perfectly unnoticeable, we drove through the empty streets of downtown Vancouver, off to some unknown basement suite. As we headed across the Granville Street Bridge, everything looked alright. Did you know they randomly post roadblocks on the Granville Street Bridge? We sure didn’t. But, there it was, unseen at the top of the bridge, only in view past the point of no return. We were busted; solid broke. They hauled Only Fred out of the car and started giving his drunk-ass the third degree. We were there awhile before I took it upon myself, wisely, to inquire of the officers when it might be that we would be free to go. A large blonde one with a crew cut approached me angrily. “Do you know this guy?!” he demanded. I said “Yeah.” “Is he serious?!” And now

I noticed that this guy was genuinely excited. “He’s saying his name is ‘Only Fred’!” “Yeah man, that’s his name. He had it legally changed.” The officer was amazed. “OK, what about the other thing? He’s saying he’s the best drunk driver in the world!” That’s when I looked over at Only Fred. I couldn’t hear what he was saying, but it certainly looked like he was arguing a passionately held view with two very amused police officers. “Well…” I answered, caught totally off guard by Only Fred’s strategy. By the look of his response, the shotgun blast of my intoxicated genius had clearly blown this cop’s mind. He walked off muttering angrily, his faith in humanity destroyed. I took this to mean that we were free to go and so we did. It was a long walk to that basement suite, which sucked. Being the awesome dude that he was, and hopefully still is, Only Fred arrived shortly after us, loaded down with all the stuff we’d forgotten in his trunk. I’m not sure if he ever lost his licence over the thing but, later that night, I totally got laid.

Sorry God, but according to science, abstinence sucks. More and more scientific research is supporting the idea that the side effects of regular sex can be good for you, both now and later. Unfortunately for those on the wild side, people in monogamous relationships reap the greatest rewards (insert seed joke here). Let’s face it, we don’t live in Middle-America or in the fifteenth century, we’ve come to grips with the fact that human beings are sexual by nature and we do, in fact, do it regularly. Not only is sex vital to our psychological health as a social species, but as well, sex is proving to be just as beneficial to our physical health. The fucking benefits: Sex is good for your heart. Regular sex lowers your blood pressure and increases your ability to cope with stressful situations like whisky-dick. Men who have sex at least twice a week have a one-half reduction in their chances of having a fatal heart attack later in life.On average, every halfhour session burns about 85

calories, which translates into one hell of a supplement to your exercise regimen. Sex boosts your immune system. Playing between the sheets once or twice a week can increase the release of particular hormones that can fight off infection and improve your immunity to colds. On top of those hormones, the release of oxytocin during “climax,” to sound like your parents, increases feelings of trust and generosity between partners, strengthening those intimate moments. Sex is a drug. The release of oxytocin is followed by a release of endorphins into the bloodstream, which can create a bit of a natural “high.” These natural painkillers can cure headaches and make you feel great overall. From now on, the “I have a headache” excuse is bullshit. Sex helps you sleep. With the rush of hormones after a good session in the bedroom can come a great snooze. Oxytocin promotes better sleep, which in itself is integral to maintaining a healthy body weight and blood pressure, never mind leaving you well rested for the next day. Early morning session anyone? Anyone?

Follow Groat In The Sack on Twitter. @groatinthesack

CARTOON

David Atkin-saurus

Got a funny story? e-mail it: culture@runnerrag.ca MELISSA FRASER // THE RUNNER

JAMMIN’ WITH GINGER This is Kristi Jut. She loves music. She’s also a ginger. And she does have a soul. And she likes music with soul, too. [KRISTI JUT] [CONTRIBUTOR]

We’ve all imagined a soundtrack to our lives. You know, the one where you’re starring in a movie about your own life, and in those really dramatic or cathartic moments there’s that perfect song? Like the scene where your first love has to move away and you’ll never see them again. You’re standing in their driveway as the car slowly

pulls away and drags down the street. It starts raining. And queue REO Speedwagon’s “Keep On Lovin’ You.” A film’s soundtrack is arguably as important to a movie’s success as the director themselves. Because music captures the one thing everyone relates emotion to: mood. I mean, let’s face it, The Graduate just wouldn’t be the same tongue-in-cheek movie without Simon & Garfunkel’s “Mrs. Robinson.” Nor would the modern adaptation of Romeo and Juliet be the same without Radiohead, or even The Wedding Singer without that Boy George song.

I have to say that the soundtrack I most love is from Sofia Coppola’s The Virgin Suicides. That soft electronic “I’m a high-school lover, and you’re my favourite flavour…” by Air was just the right complement to the Lisbon girls’ fumbling, repressed sexuality mixed with the somberness of their isolating lives. What they did right was choose music that was relatively unknown and make it iconic in the light of the film. Dazed and Confused was a film, on the other hand, that took advantage of the classics. Of course there was “Dazed and Confused” by Zeppelin, but other greats like “Low Rider,” “Slow Ride,” and “School’s out” made that movie the shit-disturbing, nostalgic heartwarmer that it is.

I don’t even need to get into the soundtracks from Pulp Fiction, High Fidelity and, okay, Garden State. But as much as all of those soundtracks are great, it has to be acknowledged that a few recent-ish films seemed to cash in on indie music’s popularity and whore-out the whole movie for the sake of the hipster soundtrack. It’s as if someone decided to make an iTunes playlist and said “I should base an entire movie around this,” rather than having a developed story and finding the perfect songs that fit around those themes. Nick and Nora’s Infinite Playlist was a grotesque example of a pseudo-indie-kid’s iPod looking for a script, but it was more Juno that got me.

Seriously, if I had to hear one more person hum “Anyone Else But You” in that year, I was going to start throwing punches. It’s not the songs I mind, but the movie’s overreaching need to appeal to that demographic cheapened music I once thought was brilliant. What I’m trying to say is a movie can be greatly improved by the right, tastefully picked soundtrack and that soundtrack can connect with a sub-culture or even a generation of people, but don’t give us a soundtrack that sells us back a culture we’ve already created.

download these: Playground Love - Air Rapper’s Delight - Sugar Hill Gang

PROCRASTINATION

page twelve | February 02 2010 | vol. 2 issue 14

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

MY LIFE IS AVERAGE - NODNAS

HOROSCOPE PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

What happens when you pour cider vinegar on your cell phone? You’ll find out soon enough.

AQUARIUS Jan. 21 - Feb. 19 Trading your cell phone for a fist full of forks is a good idea. Don’t let others tell you differently.

gemini

virgo

May 21 - June 20

Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

You will feel very aggressive sometime soon. Take the aggression out on a pepperoni pizza.

It’s time to beef up your portfolio. Use leadership skills and synergy to pound out the details.

aries

cancer

libra

Mar. 21 - Apr.19

June 21 - July 22

Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

If you plan on sculpting a grand statue of your family and friends use a malleable medium.

Your emotions are new guitar strings and your deepest needs are a stack of old magazines.

You should bottle your bath water and sell it. There are at least three people that would buy it.

taurus

leo

scorpio

Apr. 20 - May 20

July 23 - Aug. 22

Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

You’ve spent too much money on your dog. Let him get job so he can make a living of his own.

You’ll know who your new best friend is based on who brings you a red blanket this Saturday.

sagittarius Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Do not make a single promise this February unless it has to do with an optical illusion.

capricorn Dec. 22 - Jan.19

Combine popcorn and peanuts in a bowl. Pour melted chocolate over it. Feed to your fish.

Think fire prevention. You’ll need a few smoke detectors and a large bucket of fruit punch.

RIP OFF KWANTLEN

The Apple iPad

WEIRD STUFF: UNDERWATER HOCKEY

Yeah yeah, we dedicated an entire page to this thing already, but seriously, what the hell? For $500 (US, mind you), you could buy a shitty car, a sweet camera, any current video game console, or even pay for some classes. And that’s just for the tiny 16GB version. For the cost of the high-end model (US$850) you could practically solve world hunger. And the name? C’mon.

In a bizarre version of one of the most thrilling (and tough) games - namely ice hockey - the two teams of six members each fight against each other to score a goal under 6 to 8 feet of water. The players wear fins for speed and agility, and also use masks and snorkels for air - however, for the most part; the heavy lead puck has to be maneuvered with a sort stick of about a foot long while holding your breath underwater. There are elaborate rules for this game and nationwide championships are also held regularly. You can even become a member various Underwater Hockey clubs spread all over.