Vol. 3 Issue 14 by The Runner

THE VOL. 03 ISSUE 14 02.16.2011 YOUR-STUDENT-FEES-NOT-AT-WORK ISSUE

KSA

controversy (again)

NEWS AND CULTURE FOR THE STUDENTS OF KWANTLEN POLYTECHNIC UNIVERSITY

page two | February 16 2011 | vol. 3 issue 14

NEWS & POLITICS

MENTAL HEALTH

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

AROUND KWANTLEN

Campus mental health in higher demand May indicate decrease in stigma attached to mental illness, says campus counsellor

SARAH PETZ THE MANITOBAN

While more university students are coming into campus health centres with greater mental health challenges than in the past, Don Stewart says it may not be a negative sign. Stewart, director of the counselling centre at the University of Manitoba, said that the centre sees between 800-1,000 students each year. While that number has remained fairly stable, Stewart explained that students are coming to the centre with more serious mental health issues that sometimes need more frequent, specialized contact. “We’re also seeing students who are perhaps more willing to access counselling and therapeutic resources than years gone by,” said Stewart, who believes this may be due to decreased stigma around seeking counselling than in the past. Stewart felt that seeing more students on campus with mental health issues is a positive thing “because that means the post-secondary environment is now something that’s accessible to them, as opposed to perhaps 10 years ago it may not have been.” Connie Krahenbil, executive director of the Canadian Mental Health Association’s Manitoba division, felt that mental health agencies have done a better job in recent years of debunking the stigma around mental health. “I find youth more generally accepting … and more open about talking about some of the challenges that they’re facing,” said Krahenbil. According to Statistics Canada, approximately one in five Canadians aged 15-24 surveyed showed symptoms of mental health issues, though only 32

COURTESY OF THE MANITOBAN

per cent of Canadians who experienced problems associated with mental illness sought out professional help. “If you look at Canada, that’s like six million people and only 30 per cent of them will reach out for help,” said Krahenbil. “That’s really unfortunate, so it’s really good to see, even though it could be seen as, ‘Oh my goodness, there’s more people,’ I don’t really think that’s the case. I think more people are recognizing they need to get help.” A recent Canada-U.S. study found that approximately 25 per cent of university students coming through campus health care centres showed symptoms of depression. Elizabeth Saewyc, lead investigator of the study and a nursing professor at the University of British Columbia, said the study was a “snapshot in time” of the students that come through campus health centres for treatment of anything from a sports injury to migraine headache. She said the results of the study may not necessarily mean that more students are struggling with mental health issues. “It could be that it’s always been that many students, we

just haven’t had the opportunity to measure it to see that it’s that many students,” said Saewyc. “That said, I think that clearly what this shows is that a fair number of our students on campuses are struggling with stress and challenges in their lives that may be contributing to possible depression.” An important thing to remember when analyzing mental health issues in students is that the transition can be very difficult for some students, said Saewyc. “For a lot of people, this is a major change in terms of leaving home, sometimes even leaving the same place where you grew up,” said Saewyc. “If you don’t know all the different ways you can cope, it certainly can contribute to challenges adjusting and being able to cope with things.” U of M students’ union president Heather Laube said that she has seen an increase in need for counselling services on campus. “It’s a stressful environment on the best of days, and given the course loads with work and extracurriculars on top of that, it becomes a stressful time for anyone. The more services we can provide for students, the better,” she said. Lynn Smith, executive director of student services and student affairs on campus, said that there is a wait list for students looking to be assigned a counsellor to see on a regular basis at the U of M but “a student who comes in and needs to be seen right away will be seen right away.” “There’s nobody in dire need who can’t see a counsellor … we want to be able to provide appropriate and timely service to students,” she said.

WHAT’S HAPPENING AT KWANTLEN

Feb

17 18 2011

Feb

2011

Reading Break WHERE: All Campuses WHEN: All Day WHAT: Sleep in, watch TV during the day, do your laundry or study....if you feel like it. Basically, do what you want.

Music @ Midweek WHERE: Langley Campus - Auditorium WHEN: 12:15 p.m.-1:00 p.m. WHAT: Swing by the Langley Campus Auditorium and hear your fix from Kwantlen’s musically inclined. This week will feature the Kwantlen Guitar and Percussion Ensembles.

Feb

24 2011

Night School Thursdays WHERE: Grassroots Cafe WHEN: 4:00 p.m. WHAT: Stop by and have a drink!

RELATIONSHIPS

Monogamous brains just a fantasy: study I

DANIELLE POPE CUP WESTERN BUREAU CHIEF

A new study has discovered another division between the sexes — this time, in terms of who’s cheating on who, who’s okay with it and who’s not. According to researchers at the University of Texas, half of all men would forgive their female partner’s infidelity, so long as it was with another woman. However, a much smaller percentage of women would forgive their male partner’s cheating if it was with another man. Researchers asked 718 college students to rate their reactions to several different cheating scenarios. In addition to the 50 per cent of men who would stay with their womanon-woman cheaters, they found 22 per cent of men said they could forgive their lady’s be-

trayal with another man. Yet for women, the results were reversed. If their boyfriend had a dalliance with another woman, 28 per cent would let him stay, while only 21 per cent said they would if he had been with another man. Related: Monogamous brains just a fantasy: study Published this month in the journal Personality and Individual Differences, the study concluded all reactions were based on basic jealousy instincts — no big surprise, given the obvious different elements each gender brings to the table. “A robust jealousy mechanism is activated in men and women by different types of cues — those that threaten paternity in men and those that threaten abandonment in women,” Jaime Confer, the study’s lead author, told media. Confer, a PhD candidate in

evolutionary psychology, says that while men feel more threatened by a rival male because of the paternity uncertainty, a female partner’s homosexual affair would actually represent “an opportunity to mate with more than one woman simultaneously, satisfying men’s greater desire for more partners.” Because the study found that real-life homosexual infidelity was rare, researchers asked participants about their real experiences with cheating. There again, men showed less tolerance of cheating than women. Amanda, 28, has a perspective that seems to concur with the study. She says gender has little to do with it: She’s likely to be forgiving either way, thought it’s hard for her to imagine it happening at all. “There is a reason people do [cheat], and you have to decide if it’s because of the relationship

or because of their personality,” she said. “If someone is cheating on you, maybe they just don’t want to be with you — and you can’t make someone stay.” Amanda and her partner are married, and have been together for three and a half years. “Perhaps part of my perspective is because I made a commitment to be with this person for the rest of my life, so my first reaction would be to fix what is wrong,” she said. “If it was just some dude I was dating for a couple months, fuck him.” Sean, 34, was married last August to his partner of two years. He also adds to the study’s findings, in that he has difficulty seeing the difference between gender infidelities and says he’d have trouble forgiving either way. “It’s just a trust thing, and any breach of that trust would

make it very difficult for me to make it right in my mind, or pretend it didn’t happen,” he said. “Perhaps I’m a little too proud, but I’d want to be with someone who takes that question away for me … there are people who cheat, and people who don’t.” Cody, 25, says he agrees with the study’s sentiment overall — at least when it comes to women cheating with women — but he has one very important qualifier. “If the quality of your relationship is being or has been affected negatively [by someone’s cheating], then something is going wrong and that’s no longer all right,” he said. “If it’s affected positively, though, or there’s no change, then I don’t see the problem. I think most guys hold out this hope that one day they could be invited to join in, actually.”

NEWS & POLITICS

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vol. 3 issue 14 | February 16 2011 | page three

KSA CONTROVERSY

KSA General Manager ﬁred The results of a management report was the basis for the firing of the KSA General Manager

PAUL LI POLITICS BUREAU CHIEF

Kwantlen Student Association General Manager Desmond Rodenbour was fired on Wed., Feb. 9. The decision was made by the KSA Council, who voted of 10-5 to terminate Rodenbour’s contract with cause. KSA Council based its decision to fire Rodenbour on the Report on Governance and Organization of the KSA, which was contracted ny the KSA executive council to Baldwin and Associates in Jan. 5. The report itself was prepared by

Wayne Baldwin, who has forty years experience in federal and local government management positions. As part of his review, Baldwin interviewed members of Council, KSA staff and representatives of the University. He also attended meetings of the society and reviewed the bylaws, regulations, executive procedures and minutes of the Society. The report identified several key shortcomings in the KSA, and criticised Rodenbour for either being part of the problems or not having acted in time to resolve them. In particular, the Baldwin report found

The Baldwin Report The following are excerpts from the Baldwin Report, presented to KSA Council on Feb. 9. “The review found the governance of the KSA is in immediate need of a drastic overhaul. While people generally have good intentions, a cult of personality pervades the operation of the Society.” “The corporate culture tolerates tardiness in report writing, low attendance at meetings, missing deadlines, and ignoring Bylaws, Regulations and Procedures.” “Questionable behaviour on the part of senior Management is tolerated and is not addressed. Progressive discipline is non-existent,

issue with the lax corporate culture that was not conducive to efficient operations and During the intense council meeting, Matt Todd, director of external affairs, referred to the report and to the ongoing issues elected members of the KSA have had with Rodenbour as reasons to terminate him with cause. Such sentiment was echoed by other council members. Not everyone shared the opinion. Addressing the Council, student Kristina Kearley voiced concern that Council had not received legal advice concerning the termination

of the contract and expressed worries on the legal ramifications of the decision. Rodenbour had been General Manager of KSA since October 2006, when he was hired following the Reduce-All-Fees debacle with a strong mandate for supervising the actions of elected student representatives. Prior to that, he served as commercial services manager- a position he took following years of serving as policy consultant. Student Services Manager Catherine Wilkinson is filling in as Acting General Manager in the interim.

and bad examples for employees such as excessive absenteeism are not dealt with.” “The lines between the elected body (the employer) and the unelected or appointed body (the employees) is completely blurred. The elected Council is identified and treated as employees.” “In reaction to the abuse of power and the excesses of the RAF group, the Bylaws and the Regulations of the KSA were amended to ensure that such abuse by elected officials was not repeated. The amendments took much of the control of the finances and operating policies away from the Elected Representatives and placed them in the hands of the senior appointed staff member, the General Manager.”

ELECTION

KSA Election 2011: The unofﬁcial results I

CHRIS YEE CONTRIBUTOR

The results for the Kwantlen Student Association’s 2011 general election and Multipass referendum were unofficially released on Monday, Feb. 7. The official election results are pending submission of campaign expenses and a report from the chief returning officer, Fred Schiffner, who said the report should be released Feb. 14. The elections were held online, and according to Schiffner, produced the highest turnout rate since the court-ordered general elections of 2006. However, the anonymity of the online election process raises potential questions about the

validity of the results and possible abuses of the system. Schiffner said he will be reporting on the pros and cons of the online election system. The results for the 2011 KSA general election and Multipass referendum are as follows: ∏ MultiPass passed: 2542 - yes 1373 - no International Liaison: Gurbaksh Dhaliwal Mature Liaison: Robert Kovacic, Students of Colour Liaison: Jonathan Del Val

First Nations Liaison: Melinda Bige Queer Liaison: Lydia Luk Disabilities: Liaison Arora Aastha Director of Operations: Justine Franson - 1138 Matt Todd - 848 Jamil Nasrawi - 430. Director of External Affairs: Bobby Padda - 1217 Matthew DiMera - 609 Ashley Fehr - 607 Director of Finance: Nina Sandhu - 1254 Kan Wu - 747

Sharif Ali’s 407 Director of Academic Affairs: Jaspinder Ghuman - 1042 Nicole Joe - 804 Christopher Girodat - 497 Director of Events and Student Life: Tarun Takhar - 759 Reena Bali - 633 Davinder (Danny) Chohan - 402 Shanal Prasad’s - 291 Doug Hinshe - 259 For brevity, The Runner has omitted the campus council results from this article. Full results can be seen outside the KSA main offices on Surrey campus (G1240).

FREE FOOD FREE DRINKS FREE MEETING Every Friday at 3:00 pm Runner Office: #205 - 12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. Discuss the upcoming issue & other important decisions

NEWS

page four | February 16 2011 | vol. 3 issue 14

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

CANCER

Top ﬁve myths about cancer causing products Cancer myths are everywhere. The rumors will have you believe every object that you touch, digest or look at, will give you cancer. Fear mongering isn’t style so we're here to myth bust-those delusional fables for you.

CATHERINE THOMPSON CONTRIBUTOR

t-shirt contests are going to be a little less titillating this year.

Artificial sweetener I sympathize with the diabetics of the world: if they happen to nonchalantly pull out a package of NutraSweet or Splenda during dinner, their dinner mates will gasp in dismay and bemoan that their diabetic friend is about to ingest a lethal cancer causing substance. That just isn’t so. The National Cancer Institute states: “research [suggests] there is no link between cancer and popular artificial sweeteners like saccharin and aspartame.”

Deodorant/antiperspirant Once, a fellow co-worker eyed my deodorant and declared with snotty superiority, “the aluminum in that causes cancer.” It turns out that my pretentious colleague was just regurgitating obnoxious and false propaganda. In 2002, a study featured in the Journal of National Cancer Institute explored the relationship between our stink-banishing pit sticks and the risk of breast cancer in women 20-74 years old. They concluded that breast cancer risk does not increase with the use of these products. Feel free to

load up on the Degree or Secret deodorant. I’m talking to you, people I cram myself beside while taking public transit.

Plastic water bottles Reusing a plastic water bottle to quench your thirst has also come under fire as a pos-

sible carcinogen. According to the grapevine, cancer causing dioxins and/or DEHA substances leach from the water bottle. There is zero evidence that Dixons and DEHA cause cancer.

Bras Sorry men, us ladies will be keeping our racks nicely secured in our bras. The Canadian Cancer Society reports that “there is no reliable, scientific evidence that shows a link between wearing a bra and developing breast cancer.” Looks like those wet

ENVIRONMENT

Soy sauce It’s heart breaking to imagine a world without our staple, goes-well-with-everything soy sauce. The rumor mill outdid itself when it began gossiping that our delicious soy sauce may be a cause of cancer. Soy sauce contains 3-MCPD, a potential human carcinogen. While continuous exposure to 3-MCPD (which is also present in soy, mushroom and oyster sauces) over a lifetime may pose a health risk, Health Canada has concluded that “sporadic or short term exposure to such levels of 3-MCPD in these sauces is not considered to be an immediate health hazard.” A bonus myth for the smooth-talking boys hoping for some action: Fellatio (read: blow jobs) most certainly does not lower the risk of cancer. This rumor, supposedly researched by North Carolina State University, was circulated through email. It was laughable attempt that inspired millions of lovers to coo: “But sugar, it’s not for me, it’s for your health” and was nothing more than an internet hoax.

ACCOUNTING

Chemerical: a life without chemicals Careers in Accounting I

BRITTANY TIPLADY CONTRIBUTOR

Green Wednesdays at Kwantlen is a way for both students, and the community to exercise, share and gain environmental knowledge and awareness in an academic setting without academic pressure. Kwantlen's Langley campus has been filling its auditorium for the bi-weekly event, and this week's showing of Chemerical, was a powerful addition. “I am interested in the environment and ecology, and the community, and its Green Wednesday. That’s what keeps bringing me back,” said Myrna Pfeifer a Langley resident. “Coming to these events has helped me be aware of the footprint that I leave so that I can also give information to other people.” Betty Spackman, a first timer to Green Wednesday was excited to be a part of the community event. “It’s informative without

being academic, and that’s what makes it interesting to a public audience,” she said. “I run a company that deals with environmental sustainability and I came here tonight in hopes of learning something new, and I’m sure I will.” Upwards of 50 to 60 people who have been coming to Green Wednesday's, mostly regulars within the community, who have spread the word and come back each time with new faces. However, close to 85 people gathered in the Langley auditorium this week to see Chemerical, and the feedback after the film was glowing. Chemerical is a documentary that proposes a family with a three-month challenge: to rid their lives on all cleaning, hygienic and cosmetic chemical based products. The family struggles to sustain a normal life while replacing chemical products with all-natural products. Chemerical was an informative and fascinating look at the

insignificant household items that are contributing to the strikingly negative impact toxins have on the world. In an interview with Playback Magazine, Andrew Nisker, the creator of Chemerical said "the message [of the film] is that the revolution starts at home." Colleen Okeymow, a Green Wednesday regular, will be bringing the challenges presented by the film into her own daily life. “I’ve heard about the movie before, and I came to write down some of the ingredients the family in the movie uses, and see how they do it so that I can start myself,” she said. “I am interested in getting rid of toxins in my home, and so Chemerical, was a great movie to get some good information,” said Lois Burton, another firsttimer to Green Wednesday. “I thought the movie was fabulous. Definitely a good first experience at Green Wednesday, I’ll be checking the other ones out for sure.”

www.runnerrag.ca www.twitter.com/runnerrag www.twitter.com/groatinthesack www.facebook.com/runnerpaper THE

event a great success I

PAUL LI SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF

The second annual Careers in Accounting was held on Feb. 4 on surrey campus, bringing students, accounting alumni, faculty and industry representatives together. Hosted jointly by the Accounting Society of Kwantlen and the Department of Accounting, the event was attended by over 250 people. “The School of Business is an integral part of Kwantlen, said Kwantlen President David Atkinson. "It is the largest faculty in the university” “The Department of Accounting is one of the better established ones as their ability to organize such a large event shows.” Arthur Coren, dean of the school of business, agreed with Atkinson, adding “as of this year, Kwantlen is officially the largest business school in Western Canada.” Carol Stewart, Chair of the Department of Accounting, stressed the success of the event. “There are over 175 students here today, and they are meeting with 45 faculty members or people out in the workplace. The experience that these people can share to our students is invaluable.” “The student turnout has been great,” said Craig Cook,

ASK Vice President. “Registration was full a week in advance.” “I’ve never seen so many students in the ‘C’ building before,” said Mark Godzisz, an accounting student. “This opportunity has been amazing though. It’s been great talking to people that are out there in the industry.” Co-sponsoring the event were the three accounting designations- Chartered Accountants, Certified General Accountants and Certified Management Accountants. Their representatives were present as well, providing students with information about their respective designations and the requirements students have to meet before joining the programs. “Networking is very important, and especially so in a field like accounting,” said Lindsay Wood, co-op instructor for accounting. “Students that come here, network and get co-op experience have significant competitive advantages over their peers,” said David Sale a Kwantlen instructor. “This is the second time we have organized this event,” said Instructor Ho Yee Low. “We’ve been getting some very good feedback, and hope to be able to continue running this event in the future. We believe that it’s a great, valuable opportunity for our students.”

SPORTS & POLITICS

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 3 issue 14 | February 16 2011 | page ﬁve

KWANTLEN EAGLES

Kwantlen basketball equals epic fail Meet Kyle. He likes writing about sports. He also believes in a no-holds-barred approach when talking about it. Beware, it’s time for Eagles Watch.

Watching a Kwantlen basketball game is like watching the same movie every weekend. MATT LAW/THE RUNNER

KYLE BENNING SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF

The New Year hasn’t been a celebration for the Kwantlen Eagles. Similar to their female counterparts, the men’s basketball team has only beaten the Columbia Bible Bearcats, which was on Nov. 20. The main problem for Bernie Love’s team this season is the ability to close out games. The Eagles have been at the end of six defeats by 10 points or less, including a

69-68 loss to the Capilano Blues in North Vancouver on Jan. 14. If those six defeats were wins, the men would have a record of 7-7, and would have a good chance at making the provincials. Instead, Love will have to spend his last days as coach trying to stay away from the bottom of the pile. The only thing keeping them off of the bottom is the fact they have been able to keep the games respectable, and have a point differential of -150. The Bearcats have a point differential of -378.

To make matters even worse, they have been without one of their starting point guard Doug Meyers since the turn of the year. Without Meyers, Kwantlen lost a natural leader, and player who can average around 15 points per game. He was also part of the BCCAA Men’s Basketball All-Rookie Team last year. However, the team is still young and none of the players are in their third year yet. It gives us something to look forward to over the next couple of seasons.

KYLE BENNING SPORTS BUREAU CHIEF

The women’s basketball team hasn’t won a league game in 2011. To make matters even worse, they have only beat one team, the Columbia Bible College Bearcats. When Matthew McKay’s squad sets up against the Bearcats, they can get the job done without any issues. But when they play anyone else, the Eagles fold like a house of cards. Last weekend’s home game against the Quest Kermodes was the perfect example. The Eagles were playing a team that used quick passing and speed, and they couldn’t keep up. The passes cut through the zone defence with relative ease, and defenders looked like pylons every time they played state defence. In the first half against the Kermodes on Feb. 4, the Eagles couldn’t contain Ruth Thanert, who put away 20 points. The Kermodes put up 31 points in the first frame alone. This game sums up the team’s season. It doesn’t look like they can compete in this league. They might not be in last place, but there is a 10 point difference between the bottom three teams and the rest of the pack. The only thing keeping Kwantlen from one of the bottom two is the fact that the Douglas Royals and the Bearcats haven’t won a game this season. The Eagles play the Royals in their last home games of the season in a double-header on Feb. 18 and 19. The women could end their season on a high note.

For a closer look at the games against Quest, visit www.runnerrag.ca

TAXATION

Meet the Kwantlen Political Science Society (KPSS). They have hijacked our political column. Every week they will talk about a different political issue and explain how it relates to you. Every week will feature a guest columnist. Check it out.

Opinion: The fallacies of corporate taxation and how it relates to social programs I THOMAS FALCONE

What do B.C. NDP leadership candidate Adrian Dix and Federal Liberal leader Michael Ignatieff have in common? Most would probably agree there isn’t much that unites the scrapper and the intellectual, but on one key point the two opposition politicians seem to have some common ground: the need to rollback corporate tax cuts. Corporate taxes, indeed, progressive taxes of all sorts, have been free-falling across the Western world for at least thirty years. Countries have scrambled over each other to make big corporations feel

more comfortable ever since the tripartite team of Reagan, Thatcher and Mulroney. They convinced the chattering classes of the West that the state had no role to play in mitigating the social ills of the free market. But despite a global income gap the size of the Grand Canyon, a financial system collapse made possible by deregulation and ballooning public debts, making the business community pay their fare share remains a tough sell. Let’s take a look at two misconceptions encouraged by the big business lobby about corporate taxes. It is often repeated if corporate taxes are not frighteningly low, then businesses will run

away in search of friendlier territories. This just doesn’t make sense in a Canadian context. The Canadian economy is almost entirely resource and knowledge-based; we simply are not a manufacturing powerhouse like other countries. A manufacturing company can close a factory and re-open in a place where they can neglect their social duty to contribute to the public purse. But a coal company, for example, cannot pick up a mountain that contains coal and move it somewhere else. In reality, we don’t have to worry about big companies jumping ship in the event they have to pay a little bit more tax every year.

The other fallacy that rightwing pundits perpetuate is that businesses only consider rates of taxation when deciding where to do business. But there are several things a company considers when they make decisions about where to locate their operations. Among these decisions is the quality of infrastructure, which is something that tax dollars provide. In a global economy where knowledge is quickly becoming the most important resource, businesses are more likely to open up in places where the pool of potential employees are well-educated, healthy, happy and not suffering from a host of social ills - all things which can

be made possible by a government with a little bit of spending power. British Columbia, and the rest of Canada, faces tough decisions in the near future: should we continue to bankrupt ourselves in the name of an ideology that has run roughshod over every aspect of our society, or should we re-discover the role governments must play in building adequate frameworks in which individuals can flourish? The choice, I think, is clear. Thomas Falcone is pursuing a double minor B.A. in political science and philosophy. He has been a student at Kwantlen Polytechnic University since 2006.

page six | February 16 2011 | vol. 3 issue 14

EDITORIAL

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

LETTER FROM THE EDITORS

A JOB

Our news editor passes

The Runner is student owned and operated by Kwantlen Polytechnic University students, published under Polytechnic Ink Publishing Society. Vol. 3, Issue no. 14 February, 16 2011 ISSN# 1916-8241

e at the Runner are bidding a final farewell to our news editor Kassandra Linklater, who has passed from the Runner onto the graveyard of school politics. She will be dearly missed by her surviving editors: Matt, Kristi, Cat and Abby. As well as the business division: DJ, Victoria and Brittany. Kassandra has run the news section since the Runner’s inception in 2009. Since then she has worked tirelessly to inform Kwantlen students-whether they like it or not- of the important issues surrounding Kwantlen and its communities. She has left a legacy with the Runner and it will be hard to fill her shoes or find someone who uses the word facilitate so frequently. She will be dearly missed, but we all know that she is going to a better place... maybe. Probably not.

#205-12877 76 Ave. Surrey, B.C. V3W 1E6 www.runnerrag.ca 778-565-3801

EDITORIAL DIVISION: Co-ordinating Editor Abby Wiseman editor@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3803 Culture Editor Kristi Alexandra culture@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3804 News Editor Kassandra Linklater news@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3805 Production Editor Cat Yelizarov production@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3806 Media Editor Matt Law media@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3806

BUREAU CHIEFS: Arts & Design / Antonio Su Creative Writing / Jared Vaillancourt Current Events / Mae Velasco Entertainment / Hayley Woodin Environmental / (Vacant)

Politics / Paul Li Sports / Kyle Benning Student Affairs / (Vacant) Travel / Matthew Bossons

CONTRIBUTORS: Thomas Falcone, Brittany Tiplady, Chris Yee, Catherine Thompson, Vanessa Knight, Todd Easterbrook, Rick Kumar, Jennifer Campbell Cover Art: Jeff Groat Photo: Wikimedia Creative Commons/ Eric Bajart

BUSINESS DIVISION: Operations Manager, Ads, Classifieds DJ Lam ops@runnerrag.ca 778-688-3797 Office Co-ordinator Victoria Almond office@runnerrag.ca 778-565-3802 Operations Assistant Brittany Tiplady

We are looking for a person with a true pulse on what’s going on in news throughout Kwantlen, it’s surrounding communities and the world. The person should be a current contributor to run for an editor position. Election for news editor details: When: Feb. 25 @ 3p.m. Where: The Runner ofﬁce. 3rd ﬂoor of the Surrey campus library If you are interested in this position please contact Abby Wiseman at editor@runnerrag.ca

DEMOCRACY

Free speech in a Twitterocracy Trusting companies to uphold our rights is dangerous

Health / Carlie Auclair Lifestyle / Jeff Groat

NEWS EDITOR WANTED!

TANNARA YELLAND THE SHEAF

Since Jan. 25, the streets of Cairo have been thronged with people demanding a change in the political structure of the country. Military strongman Hosni Mubarak has “democratically” ruled Egypt since Anwar Sadat was murdered in 1981. In response to the unrest, which was inspired by the Tunisian uprising of late January and enjoys Western support in its demand for real democracy, President Mubarak ordered the Internet shut down. On Jan. 28, three of the four Internet providers in Egypt had gone offline, effectively shutting the country’s access down. Noor Group, the lone holdout, stopped shuttling information into and out of the country on Jan. 31. Clearly, this is a problem. The Internet has widely been acknowledged as one of the greatest democratizing forces in human history, and access to it should almost be considered a basic, inalienable human right. When a government, the body that is supposed to protect civil

liberties, does the exact opposite, what can be done? What should be done? In the past, citizens could fight their regime and risk further oppression, or quietly submit to the authorities. Now, however, in an age where certain people and companies enjoy far more wealth than many nations, there is a fourth option: Corporate intervention. As promising as it may seem initially, this option holds disturbing implications. Google and Twitter came to the Egyptian people’s rescue on the last weekend of January, developing a program with alarming speed that allows people to call specific phone numbers and leave voicemails that are then turned into text

and tweeted with the hashtag #Egypt. This software was immensely helpful to the people of Egypt, who were deprived of an important way of keeping foreigners involved in what was happening and what they are trying to achieve. The two tech companies deserve commendation for stepping in to ensure the Egyptian people’s freedom of speech, but it is important to think about why they did this. As information traffickers, both companies rely on a free flow of information to do business. In this case, the needs of the people and the needs of the companies dovetailed. Twitter and Google were thus motivated to stand up for and ensure the Egyptian people’s freedom of speech. Unfortunately, this is not

what happens in every instance. Yahoo was sued in 2007 after it willingly shared information with the Chinese government that led to the arrest of a political dissident. Clothing companies take advantage of the desperate conditions in impoverished nations to employ workers for long days in subpar conditions and to pay them less than enough to eat. And oil companies are notorious for propping up abusive dictatorships, such as those in Sudan and Saudi Arabia. Clearly, then, not all corporations have as much interest in standing up for the rights of others. Even Google agreed to censor its content in order to do business in China, though it eventually stopped doing so. When companies put in resources to improve the lot of those in need, we should be appropriately thankful. But we should remain wary of businesses whose main objective is to make money when they begin to move into the domain of governments, whose main obligation is to protect their citizens. And we should remember that when it is no longer in their interest to uphold human rights, companies — unlike governments — have no obligation to do so.

CULTURE

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vol. 3 issue 14 | February 16 2011 | page seven

LOCAL TALENT

Kwantlen’s got Talent: Cruel Young Heart Kwantlen students Mark Armstrong and Adrian Talons make up only part of the talent that has contributed to the success of local band Cruel Young Heart–who put on a live show you wouldn’t want to miss. I VANESSA KNIGHT

ruel Young Heart is a band you’re going to want to see live. These guys put everything they can into their live shows. “We want to give the best performance that we can,” said singer James Blackmon. Mark Armstrong–the group’s guitarist and Kwantlen student– chimed in, “to keep people interested in our shows.” Armstrong is a music student at Kwantlen’s Langley campus, while Blackmon was once a member of the local community choir. Armstrong said he chose Kwantlen because of the teachers and its reputation. “I met one of the teachers before coming here...Don H’lus,” he said, “and this place is just highly talked about.” Cruel Young Heart has also enlisted the help of Adrian Talons, another Kwantlen student, who directed the video for “Nighttime Glow”, which can found on their MySpace page. The video, which was shot for the band’s first single “Nighttime Glow” featured scenes with a party bus carrying fans and fellow local artist, DJ Trask. While listening to the groove and dance beats on the single and on their

The guys from Cruel Young Heart. JAYME ANNE PHOTOGRAPHY

EP, one would never guess both of the guys came from such different roots – musically speaking. Both were in separate metal bands before Cruel Young Heart. Even though it was a big change, Armstrong is sure that they are “definitely fit for this kind of music.” With inspiration like The Killers, Metric, MGMT, Dragonette, and the Yeah Yeah Yeahs, it’s not hard to see that he’s right. Naturally, neither

Blackmon nor Armstrong have left metal behind completely. “Every now and then we’ll sit down and play one of our old band’s songs,” said Blackmon, and Armstrong added “it’s just got a different feel when you’re playing it.” They’re also planning an upcoming tour through Central Canada in April. Blackmon is sure “this is going to be an exciting summer.” The duo is certainly dedicated

even though Cruel Young Heart has had a couple lineup changes since their inception last year. “The other guys were just spread too thin” said Blackmon. But Sean Lang, who cowrote several songs on the EP, and bassist Kevin Supeene still support their friends. “They’re still there, just more in the background,” continued Armstrong. Of course, their practices aren’t all reminiscing and hard work. “Our friends might call us troublemakers” Blackmon admitted, recently sporting a black eye he earned from a wayward fist at a show he attended at the Media Club. However, he was quick to explain, “I was an innocent bystander.” Cruel Young Heart isn’t that kind of trouble. “We like to plan elaborate shows,” said Armstrong. “You have no idea the things we come up with at practice.” The guys will say that fans can expect a lot of props in their future. “We talk about a Clean Up The Mess Tour… we want to have an inflatable gorilla on stage,” said Blackmon. As part of the 100.5 The Peak’s West Coast Pop’s Concert Series, you can check out Cruel Young Heart on February 26th at the Red Room.

STUDENT ART

FOUND at the Kwantlen Art Gallery PHOTO BY MATT LAW/THE RUNNER

Students of Open Studio I and II created artwork and installations made entirely of found items. The Found art exhibit was on display from Feb. 1-14. PHOTO BY MATT LAW/THE RUNNER

LUNAR FEST ILLUSTRATION BY ANTONIO SU

PHOTO BY MATT LAW/THE RUNNER

CULTURE

page eight | February 16 2011 | vol. 3 issue 14

SONIC ARCHAEOLOGIST

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

GROAT IN THE SACK

It’s not you... it’s my boss This is Jeff Groat. He’s the Runner’s sex columnist. He has only one qualification for the job–his name sounds like a dirty word. That’s good enough for us.

JEFF GROAT LIFESTYLE BUREAU CHIEF

Vinyl Dust-Off: the Velvet Underground and Nico Todd Easterbrook, sonic archaeologist, brings you his latest finds from excursions into ancient record bins–every week, only on Vinyl Dust-Off.

RATING: 4.5/5 RECORDS

TODD EASTERBROOK CONTRIBUTOR

ndy Warhol’s name in script and a yellow banana: this Andy Warhol-managed quartet’s first studio album was supported on several tracks by model/vocalist Nico, and was recorded during Warhol’s experimental Exploding Plastic Inevitable multimedia event tour, which showcased experimental performance techniques and sometimes controversial subject matter by various artists. Many of these groups/musicians made up the art-rock scene of the mid-to-late 1960s and, as frontrunners (due to Warhol’s backing), the Velvet Underground have since become one of the most influential (and copied) acts in all of rock and roll. Though the band would see many lineup changes in the future, the group for these sessions was seminal in the preSummer of Love era United States and perhaps the most profound. The original lineup consisted of Maureen Tucker (percussion), Sterling Morrison (lead/rhythm guitar), John Cale (electric viola, piano, celesta, bass guitar, backing vocals), Nico (guest vocals/ backing vocals) and lead singer/ lyricist Lou Reed (vocals/ostrich guitar—the latter of which he supposedly invented). Although the Velvet Underground’s commercial success didn’t take off initially the way they may have hoped, such tracks as “I’m Waiting for the Man”, “Venus in Furs”, “European Son”, and the instantly recognizable “Heroin” echo the sound of a generation on the verge of artistic and political explosion. The album’s controversial subject matter predominantly

stems from its lyrical themes of heroin use, sexual deviation, sadism and BDSM. Reed, the group’s primary lyricist, was a fan of Beat writers William S. Burroughs and Allen Ginsberg, and his affinity for their uninhibited narrative and lyrical techniques is exemplified in his songs that express the grittiness and otherness of ulterior lifestyles. But the Underground’s music is just as experimental; they would often incorporate odd tunings—or even tune their guitars a step down, giving their sound a strange edge that was, according to Cale, “sexy.” Cale used his viola (a middle voice, bow-stringed instrument) to add a single note-focused “droning” sound that would increase or decrease in time while also overlapping different tracks in places to produce the same pitch, but not always the same tone. Reed’s “ostrich” guitar consisted of all six strings being tuned simultaneously to the same note (“Venus in Furs”). The album also incorporates feedback as part of its avant-garde sound, which is often fragmented, out of time, distorted and just plain noisy (“European Son”)—but in a wonderfully discombobulated sort of way. The album’s artwork is iconic; the banana motif, designed by the one and only Andy Warhol, can be peeled back on vinyl editions to reveal a pink banana. Warhol’s artwork, combined with the Velvet Underground’s seemingly aleatory foray into new musical direction, renders this album one of the most compelling and original recordings of all time. A must have for any music library. Play it loud. Play it proud. Notable covers include Beck’s “I’m Waiting For The Man,” “Heroin (Alt. Version);” David Bowie’s “I’m Waiting For The Man (with Mick Ronson 1970);” the Kills’ “Venus in Furs.”

s reading break comes around, students will be heading home for some much-needed sleep or heading south for cheap beer and rays. Let’s face it, no one is actually going to be reading on reading break - many of us will be looking for some ways to unwind and seek some pleasures of the flesh. For those of us in long-distance relationships (and those heading to Vegas), our fleshly pleasures won’t come home with us. Long-term relationships, or

LTRs as I call them on Criagslist, are built around the idea of shared aspirations and shared living arrangements. Long distances are a LTR death-sentence. Most circumstances in which a significant other needs to move away for an indefinite amount of time are ultimately a battle of priorities; a battle of me vs. you. Think about it. You’re offered a summer internship, or get into an eastern school. Chances are you’re going to be presented with many more opportunities that make leaving that person all alone back home even more enticing and career-enhancing. If you and your SO, GF, BF, mistress, bottom, whatever, are considering living in different cities for a few months because of job opportunities, you need to think in terms of this being the end of the relationship. You’re fooling yourselves otherwise.

The fact is, you’ll be surrounded by new and interesting people who likely have the same interests as you do, while your SO sits at home, not admitting that they resent you for it. On the other hand, it could be a turning point in a relationship that needed a kick-in-theass. Perhaps the two of you (or three of four) decide that Skype and Gmail chat will be adequate for a few months and that no one could ever possibly love someone the way you do as a couple. Maybe distance could be a positive thing. Maybe after a few months you’ll miss each other so much you’ll never leave again. But in most cases, airfare trumps engagement ring and sexy-time combined. If it didn’t, we’d all be dating people living in another time zone. Your online girlfriend doesn’t count.

ADVICE

Ask Jennifer Jennifer Campbell, the Runner’s resident counsellor, gets to the bottom of your toughest questions. The doctor is in. Dear Jennifer, I am 20 and have not declared a major. For almost a month now, my parents keep on bugging me to figure out what I want to do with my life and declare my major. I am still young and do not know what I am passionate about. How do I tell my parent to get off my back about school? Dear Undecided, I have a question before I answer your question. Who pays for your schooling? If your parents are footing the bill, then they have the right to voice their concern. If this is so, I would sit them down and talk with them about your goals when it comes to school. Ask them if it is okay if you wait to declare your major until the Fall semester, or until you are sure you know what you want to study. On the other hand, if you’re paying for your schooling, it is not their concern. I would sit them down and tell them that their bugging is upsetting you. Let them know that you are still young and you will figure out what you want to do. I mean I bet at 20, your parents did not have their whole life planned out. Dear Jennifer, I’m interested in two guys. One is a friend I’ve known for nearly five years. I had a crush on him recently and two or

three friends of his assured me he liked me back. When I finally told him I liked him, he began ignoring me. The other is a good friend of mine, and we’re as close as brother and sister. He is also two years younger than me and he is still in high school. We’ve both liked each other at different times in the past year and he just asked me out. I’m still constantly thinking about guy-one even though he stopped talking to me. I see guy -two as a brother, but am still willing to give him a chance. Am I doing the right thing? Dear Interested, If you are still thinking about guy-one, it is not fair to guytwo to start a relationship if your heart is not fully in it. It is not fair to lead him on. Obviously you like guy-one more than guy-two so I suggest that you sit down one-on-one with guy-one and try and figure out what is going on in his head. You may find that he is not into you and just wants to be friends, or that something is going on that makes it hard for him to enter into a relationship right now. If he does not want to or cannot start a relationship with you then take some time to look within yourself and see if you can look past guy-two being like a brother. Only enter in to a relationship with guy-two if you

can fully commit to him and your relationship with him. If guy-one is still in your head, do not go out with guy-two. Dear Jennifer, I have been flirting back and forth with this guy for a while now. I really like him and have been told by his best friend that he likes me too. About two weeks ago, he started ignoring me. I am confused about why he is ignoring me and even more confused about what to do. Please help. Dear Confused, There may be many reasons why he is ignoring you. Maybe he has some stuff going on that you do not know about. Maybe he has found someone who he is more interested in. I have two suggestions. The first one is to flat out ask him about what is going on. The worst he could say is that he’s just not that into you. Do not talk to him in front of anyone. This is a conversation between you and him; not you, him and everyone else. My second suggestion is to just leave it. You might find someone else who is not going to ignore you or he will realize that he is into you and try to start things up again. If it is the latter then you should ask him what happened before you give him another chance.

CULTURE

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

FILM

This Rite should be the last I RICK KUMAR

eeping in the tradition of great exorcism movies such as The Exorcist and The Exorcism of Emily Rose, shouldn’t be hard for Anthony Hopkins. But as The Rite plays on so does the predictable and unoriginal plot lines. Veteran actor Anthony Hopkins, who is no stranger to the horror genre after The Silence of the Lambs in 1991, plays Father Lucas Trevant, an archetype of the modern day protagonist. Trevant is the outsider who quickly identifies with the main character Michael Kovak, played by Colin O’Donoghue. After becoming a father figure to Kovak through a series of interesting events, he turns and becomes Kovaks nemesis. Fighting his biggest fears, like so many storylines have before, Kovak frees Trevant from the clutch of evil. The storm passes, life goes on and everyone continues on as if nothing had happened. The End. With the release of Paranormal Activity 2 and Case 39 in the last year, The Rite is arguably the horror-style pickof-the-litter that hit box offices. But one would imagine that repetitive storylines, clichés and fairytale endings would disappear like a Gremlin that stumbled into sunlight. But even after so much time Horror movie buffs haven’t seen their aspirations come to light. From Carrie and The Children of The Corn to Devil and My Bloody Valentine’s Day, horror movies seem to be on the decline from attentiongrabbing plotlines and creepy atmospheres to just a quick scream and shout. But The Rite is a movie to catch. Just don’t expect more than a handful of on-edge moments or an intensely in depth storyline. This movie’s a solid 6.9/10.

COURTESY OF WARNER BROS. PRESS

vol. 3 issue 14 | February 16 2011 | page nine

THEATRE

All new meaning to V-day at Frederic Wood theatre

Peter Panties gives no glittering view of Neverland The Cultch’s avantgarde take on a classic story reaches into mens’ struggle to grow up

Proceeds from chocolate vagina lollipops bought at the play go to the DTES WISH drop-in centre. MATT LAW/THE RUNNER

ABBY WISEMAN COORDINATING EDITOR

omage was paid to the cunt, the snatch, the vag, pussy, hoochiesnatcher, peach, pink taco, box and every other name used to describe the vagina in the University of British Columbia’s rendition of the Vagina Monologues. Full of writhing and moaning, playful acrobatics, explorations in domination, lesbian sex, rape, mutilation, love and wonderment of female genitalia, the Vagina Monologues still amuses, shocks and shakes the audience 15 years after its original Broadway performance. The play was performed Feb. 9, 10 and 12 at UBC’s Federic Wood Theatre; marking the eleventh year the play has been performed on campus for V-Day, a day dedicated to the ending of violence against women. The original script was followed

closely, but some modern day embellishments, like Willow Smith’s “I Whip My Hair,” which was used to introduce a monologue about pubic hair. An elegant monologue of a woman who’s husband cheating on her because, he said, she would not shave off her pubic hair. Followed by the fascinating story of an older woman who closed her vagina after an incident in her youth where she got a little excited and flooded on her arousers car seat, ending the monologues with saying that her vagina is “closed due to flooding.” The air was sucked from the room during the monologue of a Bosnian woman who was tormented and raped by soldiers for seven days. The Vagina Monologues represents what third-wave feminism is all about: putting the experience of being a woman out, stripped down of illusion, for all to see.

HEALTH

How to harness your own brain power I CARLIE AUCLAIR

e’ve all heard the saying: use it or lose it. The message behind might seem a tad cliché but the age old adage holds some shocking truths. Because of the brain’s mysterious past we have relied on crusty old IQ theories of intelligence and brain capacity, but in recent findings it has been discovered that the adult brain can actually rewire itself. This exciting revelation is known as Neuroplasticity. The concept behind this phenomenon states that when you think differently, gain new experiences and imagine things, the actual neural networks change; which has been proven in brain scans. So if you are taking that dreaded stats or calculus class, and are certain you haven’t the intelligence to even get past the course outline, remember there are ways to sharpen your perception: brain power and critical thinking. Maybe positive thinking really does work. First of all, if you smoke, for the love of god and your brain QUIT! University of Michigan researchers have proved that smoking lowers cognitive speed and ultimately effects memory, problem solving and IQ. Secondly, it is probably a good idea to limit your television intake. I can attest to the fact that after a

long day of school or work, it is nice to sit on the couch and be entertained, but the problem is that your brain goes into neutral when exposed to television. It’s best to only watch TV for short periods at a time if you really have to. Now that you know what hinders this revolutionary concept, it is important to delve into the things that encourage Neuroplasticity. It has recently been discovered that deep breathing and meditation have been proven to reduce stress and calm the mind. I know for some of you out there, the thought of meditation can seem slightly new-age and bizarre, but despite this ancient custom’s hokey reputation, mediation is a proven method of brain control. In recent studies, Tibetan monks were monitored during mediation and the study showed high-frequency gamma waves, a brain wave pattern associated with higher mental activity, perception and consciousness. These findings concluded: the mind can be changed through meditation and mental training, ultimately improving its capacity for awareness, happiness and compassion. The key is to think of your brain as a big muscle that needs stimulation and constant exercise.

According to Dr. Timothy Salthouse of the University of Virginia, by age 22 our ability to make rapid comparisons, remember unrelated information and detect relationships are at their maximum and by age 28 our skills associated with reasoning typically peak. Because our 20s and 30s are a less tempestuous time in our lives, these skills wear down and become much like a dull pencil tip. But just because over time our brains naturally become less plastic, it is still capable of incredible change. Here are some daily things we can do to start the process of strengthening our own mental capacity: ∏Take up a new hobby you have never done before–learn a new language, take up yoga or start playing games that strengthen mental capacity, like scrabble or chess ∏Do something creative that involves using your imagination, like writing a story ∏Learn to juggle, it can increase they grey matter in your brain. ∏Extensive learning of abstract information can trigger plastic changes in the brain, so don’t be intimidated by your philosophy text book. Pick that baby up! It will make you better ∏Take a different route to school or work. It will stimulate new neural paths in your brain.

HAYLEY WOODIN ENTERTAINMENT BUREAU CHIEF

f you don’t understand the story of Peter Pan then you definitely won’t understand Peter Panties, the avant-garde play put on by The Cultch. On the surface, the 60-minute performance seems disjointed and nonsensical. The characters are static, the plot is meddled and the play randomly references CSI. But the true story of Peter Pan is not about the fantastic adventures in Neverland, it’s about the boy who would never grow up. The play has three fairly prominent male characters, one being Peter Pan, another being his father, the third being Wendy’s future husband. All three men struggle with the realities of life, and cope through escapism. Throughout the performance, each one comes to terms with their Peter Pan syndrome and essentially grow up. They grow up through having sex for the first time, getting married and having children respectively. They reach life milestones and in doing so, transition from acting childish to becoming an adult. Interjected between scenes was footage of two of the playwrights discussing the play’s scenes. One had Down syndrome, and was explaining to the other his ideas for the plot. The way he explained his ideas was not in a way the average adult would; he spoke both extremely logically and literally. The play was his debut as a writer–a personal milestone in his life. He also had a small part acting in the play: The man that Wendy ends up marrying. In a sense, he was like Peter Pan. Because of his condition, he developed slowly and struggled with growing up. It took me about 48 hours to begin to comprehend the depth of the production, and upon reflection, I enjoy the essence of the play. It had meaning, but the message was buried under the overall strangeness of the performance. Unless you are a Cultch regular, Peter Panties isn’t the type of play I would recommend if you’re looking for a fun night out.

CREATIVE

page ten | February 16 2011 | vol. 3 issue 14

The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca

SCIENCE FANTASY

GOOGLE CREATIVE COMMONS

The Pseudoverse l

JARED VAILLANCOURT CREATIVE WRITING BUREAU CHIEF

acob groaned and opened his eyes, immediately wishing he hadn’t. “Oh darn, he lives.” Whoever she was, Jacob couldn’t stop staring. She was an impossible representation of a human being, with gaps cut clean through the flesh as though an artist had smeared invisible paint right through her body. The missing flesh, however, seemed to float nearby, held like props supported by fishing line above a stage. Little globs of blood danced between her broken body and orbiting chunks, yet she smiled at him as though nothing was amiss. “Uh... you’re bleeding,” was all he could think to say. Her half-lipped smile broadened. “These? Don’t worry, they don’t hurt.” she pointed casually at what appeared to be her liver dancing in slow rhythm around her ankle. “Everyone gets freaked out their first dismemberment, but you don’t feel anything, and the parts still work.” As though to illustrate the words that Jacob couldn’t begin to understand, she plucked a chunk of her skin from the air and swallowed it, chuckling as it floated out from the hole that was her navel. “I was Kelsey. What was your name?” “Jacob,” he replied, afraid to move with her standing over him. She reached out with a more or less intact hand. “Nice meeting you, he who was Jacob!” Kelsey laughed as she pulled him upright. He took a step back from her, noticing the exposed muscle and teeth where the left side of her face should be. A nervous gulp

echoed down his throat. “What are you?” he asked. “Are there more of you? Where am I? What is this place?” The words came rapid-fire now that he noticed his dominance of height over Kelsey. Perhaps not, he mused – bits of her leg hovered over both their heads, yet she moved and spoke as though she were intact. “Human, yes, on the plains and not sure,” she replied just as quickly. “I woke up here three hundred years ago, haven’t slept, eaten or been tired a day since.” With an arm that ended at the shoulder and started at the elbow, she pointed around. All the way to the horizon, there was nothing but what looked like impossibly tall and thin towers in the distance. He turned around and noticed what looked like an Egyptian pyramid, but it was ludicrously stretched and as stark white as everything else. Many of the towers clustered around the pyramid: as he watched, he noticed them moving. “This... seems oddly familiar,” Jacob grunted as he tapped the device at his wrist. Kelsey laughed and reached up into her chest, pulling out an identical bracelet machine. “Dimension shifters don’t work here,” she laughed as she shoved the bracelet back up into her chest, lodging it in her left breast. “Whatever this place is, it’s the end of the line, pal.” “So all those stories about travellers who found paradises...” “Well, some found utopian realities, sure; most ended up here.” Kelsey laughed and peeled the skin off of the left side of her neck, watching contentedly as it drifted down to dance with her liver. “He

who was called Yuri called this... some fancy name... ah! The Pseudoverse.” “Yuri?” Jacob exclaimed, finding it suddenly easy to stare into the naked post-woman’s eyes. “The first traveller? He’s here in this... fake universe?” The excitement he felt drained at the same rate her smile faltered. She pointed past him up at the eternally distant towers. “Those things we call phages,” she whispered. “They move around the plains and gather up... well, every now and then a sphere appears out here, you know? Phages float, you see – they gather the spheres and bring them to the pyramid.” She sighed and absently caught a piece of her kidney to swallow. “If the phages find you, however...” Jacob gulped. “Dismemberment?” he asked. Kelsey smiled up at him. “Give them man a medal,” she chuckled. “Once and you’ll end up like me. Twice... and the phages eat you.” “Why?” “Damn, you’re full of questions!” Kelsey laughed. “Can’t reason with phages, was-Jacob. They’re just mouths and spines at the bottom of some very long sticks. They don’t speak, they just... drift.” She grabbed his hand, some of her blood staining his sleeve. He hesitated as the stain simply turned back into blood and flew into her exposed artery. “Come with me. There’s a hole; that’s where the other hide.” The hole turned out to be exactly that; a black circle in the ground. Kelsey smiled at him and walked onto it, slowly fading away as she reached

the centre. Jacob gasped when she vanished completely, but cautiously took a step onto the hole as well. When nothing happened, he took another. He felt something gently caress the back of his neck. “What the...” he turned around. Behind him was a claw attached to the end of a long insect-like limb that reached high up into the sky. The limb was attached to the lip of an enormous mouth. “F.. fu... phage!” he screamed, turning and running for the centre of the hole. More claws gently caressed his neck, their sharp points almost to his skin... Jacob blinked. He wasn’t on the hole anymore. “He used to be Jacob! Welcome!” Kelsey greeted merrily. The cavern seemed oddly familiar, with rock-like walls and ceiling but a smooth, perfectly flat and level floor. Hundreds of naked, broken human-things walked up to greet him, their flesh and organs dancing around him as he did his best to politely return their amicability. Behind him, the wall bulged out like a hemisphere; perfectly smooth and round. “You’re all the lost travellers!” Jacob gasped as he noticed the faces of those who had faces. “Martin Xavier,” he addressed the post-man whose head ended at the jaw but started again at the throat. “Kim Li Chang,” he said to the postwoman without a crotch and abdomen. “And you... Kelsey Di Angelo,” he said to Kelsey. “I was,” she replied. Everyone else nodded or grunted happily in agreement. “No one here has anything, and I mean anything – no clothes, no possessions, no desires, no

drives... eventually, however, we’re all just happy to be here,” she smiled and put her arms around the two closest travellers. “Just happy to be here,” Jacob echoed. “Phages... spheres... that pyramid...” He paced towards the oncehuman he assumed was Gerald Kissinger, and then back to Kim Li Chang. “A place for lost travellers... impossible things that defy physics...” He grunted and closed his eyes. “A pseudoverse,” he opened his eyes. “You sure like to state the obvious,” Kelsey chuckled. Jacob looked her in the eye, trying to ignore someone else’s eye as it drifted past her face. “I’ve seen this before,” Jacob whispered. “Salvador Dali!” “He’s not here,” Kelsey smiled. He shook his head and tapped his bracelet. “Anything that can happen, does happen,” Jacob announced. “Even in the mind.” He tapped the bracelet, recording the dimension shift for the pseudoverse. He closed his eyes and tapped the bracelet again. “That won’t work...” Kelsey started, but Jacob vanished into thin air. Silence reigned for a moment. “So we’re in someone’s head?” Martin asked. Kelsey shrugged what was left of her shoulders. “I guess the shifters do work,” she grunted as everyone resumed walking around aimlessly. She grabbed her breast and felt the device lodged up beneath the milk glands. “Oh, well.” No one noticed how no travellers ever arrived in the pseudoverse again.

PROCRASTINATION

www.runnerrag.ca | The Runner

vol. 3 issue 14 | February 16 2011 | page eleven

SKI NINJAS — KYLE LEES

HOROSCOPE PISCES Feb. 20 - Mar. 20

If you can’t find Procyon today, don’t worry. It’s because the Sun is out.

GEMINI May 21 - June 20

Rap battle a complete stranger. You may just win.

ARIES Mar. 21 - Apr. 19

CANCER June 21 - July 22

VIRGO Aug. 23 - Sept. 22

SAGITTARIUS Nov. 22 - Dec. 21

Do one brave thing today, then run like hell.

LIBRA Sept. 23 - Oct. 22

Be patient with foreign speakers, they may impart wisdom. Or candy.

AQUARIUS Jan. 20 - Feb. 19

Members of Taurus require your assistance this vestigial solar cycle.

Wind is a powerful friend. Make a Luftwaffe of paper minions and conquer the park.

Surrender isn’t the only option, even if it’s the fastest.

TAURUS APR. 20 - MAY 20

No feel dumb. Brain work good. Keep feel happy.

LEO July 23 - Aug. 22

Adrenaline is good. Rigging your iPod to scare you 24/7 is not.

RIP OF KWANTLEN TL

CAPRICORN Dec. 22 - Jan. 19

Don’t let your singing talents go to waste! Learn the Gosudarstvenny Gimn Rossiyskoy Federasii.

SCORPIO Oct. 23 - Nov. 21

If there’s a long lineup at Tim’s, buy someone behind you coffee. Observe results.

Keep in mind something big and general may happen at some point in time. Or whatever.

THE SMART ZONE

KSA

WEIRD STUFF: SAY WHAAAAT? What the fuck is going on over there? Wha

The first owner of the Marlboro company died of lung cancer. Venus is the only planet that rotates clockwise. Banging your head against a wall uses 150 calories per hour. Source: http://www.estetica-design-forum.com

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The Runner | www.runnerrag.ca